Smash Boom Best: Rice vs. Noodles (August 7, 2019)

Overview

In this episode of Smash Boom Best, host Molly Bloom is joined by guest judge Christian and debaters Joy Dolo (Team Rice) and Megan McCarty Carino (Team Noodles) to settle the age-old question: which is cooler, rice or noodles? Through playful, passionate arguments and creative challenges, audience members are taken on a flavorsome journey exploring the history, versatility, and cultural significance of these beloved starches. After several fun rounds, audience input, and a final magic-themed face-off, rice claims victory—at least according to Christian, though listeners are encouraged to decide for themselves.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Introduction & Pre-Debate Thoughts (00:10–02:08)

• Rice and Noodles: A Starchy Showdown

  • Both are widely loved, but each brings something special. Molly, Christian, and co-host Megan share their personal preferences and humorous anecdotes about "rice as a phone rescue tool" (00:43) and noodles as a bold flavor carrier.
  • Christian admits an initial noodle bias:

    “Because they have a bunch of flavor in it and it could mostly go with the vegetables you’re supposed to eat. So it’s kind of getting healthy for you.” (01:49, Christian)

• Meet the Debaters

  • Joy Dolo (Rice) and Megan McCarty Carino (Noodles) step up, each given a chance to pitch, in a single sentence, why their side is the best.
    • Joy: “Rice is versatile one. It’s delicious and it’s tiny, but it’s so mighty. Rice smash. It’s smashed so hard.” (02:39)
    • Megan: “Noodles have a lot more variety...Noodles can go in soups. Noodles can go in sauces. Things can go inside of noodles...” (03:27)

Declaration of Greatness: Rice (05:15–10:36)

• Joy Dolo’s Case for Rice:
  • Rice’s mythic origins: The Miao legend of a heroic nine-tailed dog who brings rice to humankind after stealing it from the gods (06:21).
  • Ancient roots: 8,000+ years of rice history, spanning from China to the world, including rare varieties like forbidden black rice, Thai jasmine, basmati, and arborio (07:00-08:00).
  • Unexpected strength: Sticky rice was a key ingredient in creating a durable mortar for sections of the Great Wall of China (08:22-09:11).

    “And that rice and brick concoction is sort of famous. It’s a section of a little thing called the great wall of China. That’s right. Rice is a part of one of the seven wonders of the world.” (09:11, Joy)

  • Cultural and personal nostalgia: Growing up eating Liberian rice dishes, rice as a family and community staple (09:30-10:06).

    “My mom is hands down the best cook anywhere in the world, which is why I trust her when she says rice is number one.” (10:08, Joy)

Declaration of Greatness: Noodles (11:52–17:11)

• Megan McCarty Carino’s Case for Noodles:
  • Endlessly customizable: Noodles come in all shapes, sizes, and flavors—from spaghetti to boba, from dumplings to lasagna (11:57-12:18).

    “If you think of boba, you know, it’s a kind of round noodle that goes into tea. Bubble tea. It is. It’s a noodle.” (12:18)

  • Ingredient diversity: Noodles can be made with wheat, rice, yams, seaweed, roots, etc. (12:24–13:07).
  • World records and artistry: The world’s longest noodle stretched 10,000 feet (almost two miles long), and hand-making noodles is an art (13:57-15:16).
  • Deep roots: Archaeological evidence of 4,000-year-old millet noodles in China, predating even the ancient pyramids of Egypt (13:59–14:45).
  • Joy and ritual: The pleasure of slurping noodles and experiencing unique cultural food rituals (16:12–16:30).

    “There’s a lot of rituals that we practice. When you slurp noodles and you are allowed to make noise. And I used to get goose pimples as a child, just walking by a noodle shop and hear all these people slurping in the morning.” (16:12, Sonoko Sakai)

Rebuttals & Notable Exchanges

• Noodles as Dogs vs. Rice as Cats:
  Megan creatively flips the animal metaphor, suggesting noodles are as diverse as dogs, rice as uniform as cats (11:39).
• Age One-Upmanship:
  Joy emphasizes that rice pre-dates noodles by several millennia (17:49).

  “Rice was over 8,000 years ago. Literally double the amount.” (17:49, Joy)

Micro Round: Superhero Movie Trailers (22:05–25:06)

• Noodles’ Quantum Hero:
  Megan’s sci-fi nod as “Quantum Noodle” battles the villainous “Risatron” on planet Stovis, offering “endless delicious variety” with humorous wordplay.

  “I’m a string, I’m a spiral. I’m a cheese packed pillow of power. I’m gluten free if need be.” (23:25, Megan)

• Rice’s Avengers:
  Joy’s ensemble of rice varieties (“Arborio, Basmati, Forbidden, and Jasmine”) star as the “Rice Revengers,” solving hunger and everyday problems, promising “to bind, to satisfy hunger, and to kick butt.” (24:29, Joy)

Sneak Attack: Team Chants (26:05–28:39)

• Joy (Rice) Chant:

  “Rice, Rice is so nice.
  Rice, rice, eat it more than thrice.
  Rice, rice, they will suffice.
  Rice, rice, rice is better than noodles.” (26:44, Joy)

• Megan (Noodle) Chant:

  “I believe that we are long.
  I believe that we are round.
  I believe that we can be really any shape you can imagine,
  including some very silly and very cool ones. Noodles, Noodles.” (27:56, Megan)

The Final Six (28:48–29:24)

• Noodles:

  “Slurpable rainbow of delicious dough art.” (28:59, Megan)

• Rice:

  “Noodles are fine. Rice is better. That’s straight from Wikipedia, you guys.” (29:11, Joy)

Sudden Death: Magic Act Face-off (30:08–32:24)

• Rice as Magician (“Rice Angel”):
  Absorbs the ocean with a single grain, emerges from boiling water more flavorful, and features “The beautiful Mrs. Porkchop” in a rice magic spectacular.

  “Watch the beautiful Mrs. Porkchop lay out a rice pollini magnificence and watch the deliciousness…” (31:23, Joy)

• Noodle Magician (“The Amazing Stretch”):
  “Slinging her stretchy body around the room in endless stretchy loops that will make your hunger disappear,” starring the saucy sidekick Meatball (31:41–32:13).

• Christian awards the final point to rice, citing the boiling water trick as particularly impressive:

  “Like the part where she was talking about... watch the rice, do the death defying trick, put it in boiling water, and watch it come out more tasteful.” (33:46, Christian)

Memorable Quotes

• “Noodles have a lot more variety...Noodles can go in soups. Noodles can go in sauces. Things can go inside of noodles...” (03:27, Megan McCarty Carino)
• “Rice is a part of one of the seven wonders of the world.” (09:11, Joy Dolo)
• “If you think of boba, you know, it’s a kind of round noodle that goes into tea. Bubble tea. It is. It’s a noodle.” (12:18, Megan McCarty Carino)
• “Rice, Rice is so nice. Rice, rice, eat it more than thrice. Rice, rice, they will suffice. Rice, rice, rice is better than noodles.” (26:44, Joy Dolo)
• “Slurpable rainbow of delicious dough art.” (28:59, Megan McCarty Carino)

Important Timestamps

• 00:10 – Debate topic introduction and personal takes
• 05:15 – Joy’s Declaration of Greatness for Rice
• 11:52 – Megan’s Declaration of Greatness for Noodles
• 22:05 – Micro Round: Superhero Trailers
• 26:05 – Sneak Attack: Team Chants
• 28:48 – Final Six-Word Summaries
• 30:08 – Sudden Death Magic Act Face-off
• 33:46 – Christian explains why he chose rice

Conclusion

This episode is a playful, high-energy exploration of two beloved foods, replete with historical trivia, creative arguments, and plenty of kid-friendly wordplay and banter. While rice eked out the victory thanks to a “death-defying” magic act and personal connections, both sides made passionate, humorous, and genuinely informative cases. Whether you’re a noodle enthusiast or a rice devotee, you’ll leave entertained, hungry, and ready to debate your own favorite starch.

For more debate battles or to cast your vote, visit smashboom.org.