Turtles vs Rabbits

Summary

Smash Boom Best: "Turtles vs Rabbits" (March 19, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode of Smash Boom Best brings the age-old rivalry of “The Tortoise and the Hare” into a lively, laugh-filled debate for families. Hosted by Molly Bloom, with guest debaters Tim Platt (Team Rabbit) and Faria Khan (Team Turtle), and judged by Teo from Montclair, New Jersey, the episode dives into which animal reigns supreme: the slow-and-steady turtles or the quick and clever rabbits. Both sides deploy facts, humor, and pop culture power to sway the judge—and listeners—while teaching debate skills along the way.

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Episode Structure

• Host: Molly Bloom
• Debaters: Tim Platt (Rabbits), Faria Khan (Turtles)
• Judge: Teo (age 13, Montclair, NJ)
• Format Rounds:
  • Declaration of Greatness
  • Micro Round: Three quick-fire facts each
  • Sneak Attack: Improv acceptance speeches
  • Final Six: A six-word summary

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introductions & Setup

• Molly Bloom welcomes the panel and introduces the debate concept and rules.
• Teo, the judge, shares they’re allergic to many animals—but not turtles or rabbits!
  • Quote: “I love rabbits and turtles. I’ve always wanted both.” —Teo (03:19)

Judge Preferences:

• Loves both animals.
• Cooking, board games, and music fan; chicken Alfredo is a specialty (but secret ingredient not shared!).

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2. Declaration of Greatness

Team Turtle: Faria Khan (05:25–10:45)

• Throws an over-the-top “shell-ebration” party for turtles.
• Cites turtles' 200+ million years of survival—including outliving the dinosaurs.
• Spotlights astonishing turtle biology: Butt breathing allows some to survive months in frozen lakes.
  • Quote: “Butt breathing. Yeah, it breathes through its butt.” —Faria Khan (07:45)
• Turtle shells: part of their skeleton, toughest armor, and can regenerate.
• Turtles as icons of chill; “slow and steady wins the race.” Value of moving slowly and appreciating life.
• Refrain: “Turtles are incredible survivors and butt breathers who know how to slow down and enjoy life's simple pleasures." (10:22)

Team Rabbit: Tim Platt (12:33–16:40)

• Reminiscent of a magic act, accompanied by a character “Walt the rabbit.”
• Bunnies’ irresistible cuteness: “I’m talking capital C, cuties.” (13:05)
• Incredible skills: Can run up to 45 mph and leap 3 feet high.
• Superior ears: Rotate up to 270°, help thermoregulate and pinpoint sounds.
• Almost 360° vision due to eye placement.
• Rabbits are social creatures, living in complex warrens. They communicate via subtle body language and warning thumps.
  • Quote: “If there’s danger, we thump our feet fast to send a warning vibration out to others.” —Walt the rabbit (15:27)
• Rabbits as pop culture icons: Easter Bunny, Bugs Bunny, Judy Hopps, the Energizer Bunny, and more.
  • Rabbits “inspire imagination, dominate pop culture, and are the cutest, speediest fluffballs in town.” (16:31)

Memorable Moments:

• Major recurring theme for Team Turtle: butt breathing!
• Rabbits’ magical, communal, and social world is humorously brought to life with character voices.

Timestamps:

• Turtle Declaration: 05:25–10:45
• Rabbit Declaration: 12:33–16:40

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3. Rebuttals

Tim on Turtles (11:08)

• Jokes that turtles might be responsible for dinosaur extinction.
• “I prefer when animals fart out of their butt…am I crazy?” (11:16)
• Suggests turtles’ shell-hiding contradicts the “appreciating the world” argument.

Faria on Rabbits (17:07)

• “Can they breathe out their butts? Honey, I don’t think so.”
• Playfully teases rabbits’ “spooky” 360° vision and magic act associations.

Judge Reaction:

• Teo is fascinated by both butt breathing and body language communication.

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4. Micro Round (Three Quick Facts Each)

• Rabbit Facts (Tim):
  1. Teeth never stop growing—they depend on constant chewing (23:02).
  2. Rabbits live on every continent except Antarctica (23:37).
  3. Magicians pulling turtles from hats would be disastrous—audiences want rabbits! (24:31)
• Turtle Facts (Faria):
  1. The oldest living land animal is a turtle named Jonathan, now over 190 years old (23:17).
  2. Turtles are pop culture legends—TMNT, Bowser (Koopa), Crush from Finding Nemo (23:57).
  3. Real turtles make sounds (grunt, hiss, cluck, bark) and are, again, the chillest animals (25:05).

Judge’s Favorite Moments:

• Teo reflects on both the difficulty and humor of pulling a turtle from a magic hat and expresses embarrassment for forgetting to mention Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. (25:37)

Timestamps:

• Micro Round: 22:46–26:25

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5. Sneak Attack - Acceptance Speeches

• Turtle (Faria as Michelangelo):
  • Accepts "Chillest Guy Alive" award.
  • Grateful for family, friends, and “my butt for breathing through all the hard times.” (27:34)
  • Quote: “I want to thank my family, my friends, my turtle community, and my butt for breathing through all of the hard times that life has to offer.” —Faria Khan (28:12)
• Rabbit (Tim as the Tortoise & the Hare Hare):
  • Accepts award for “Best Turtle PR.”
  • Jokes he let turtles win the classic race to give them a much-needed win.
  • Reasserts real-life rabbits would win any race, anytime. (28:32-29:30)

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6. Final Six

• Rabbits (Tim): ”On top is the hop, brother.” (30:25)
• Turtles (Faria): ”Turtles breathe through their butts.” (30:39)

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7. Judge’s Decision & Results

• Teo announces turtles as the winner! (31:14)

• Faria’s Michelangelo impression (her favorite Ninja Turtle) tipped the scales.

• Lighthearted banter, with Tim accepting the loss with sportsmanship and mutual compliments exchanged between debaters.

  • Quote: “You did not let that (butt breathing) fact go. You brought it back at the time, you made it be the point of the arrow hitting the bullseye. Mad respect for that.” —Tim Platt (33:32)

• Moral echoed from the fable: “Sometimes literature is similar to reality. And today, the tortoise, the turtle did beat the rabbit.” —Molly Bloom (32:04)

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Notable Quotes

• On Butt Breathing:
  "Butt breathing. Yeah, it breathes through its butt."
  —Faria Khan (07:45)

• Bunnies’ Speed:
  "Did you know that some rabbits can run up to 45 miles per hour and jump three feet in the air?"
  —Tim Platt (13:33)

• Rabbit Magicians:
  “Give the audience what they want. Give them a rabbit.”
  —Tim Platt/Walt (Rabbit) (24:31)

• Turtle Resilience:
  "Turtles are incredible survivors and butt breathers who know how to slow down and enjoy life's simple pleasures."
  —Faria Khan (10:22)

• Joking Reproach:
  “I prefer it when animals fart out of their butt.”
  —Tim Platt (11:19)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• Turtle Declaration of Greatness: 05:25–10:45
• Rabbit Declaration of Greatness: 12:33–16:40
• Rebuttals: 11:08 (Rabbits), 17:07 (Turtles)
• Micro Round: 22:46–26:25
• Sneak Attack (Acceptance Speech): 27:34–29:30
• Final Six: 30:14–31:02
• Winner Revealed: 31:14

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Fun & Memorable Moments

• Frequent callbacks and running jokes about turtle butt breathing.
• The debate’s tone remained playful: “Honey, that's the coolest fact I've ever heard.” —Faria Khan (11:44)
• Supportive camaraderie between Tim and Faria, mixed with mock-competitive banter and friendship high stakes.
• Character voices for “Walt the rabbit” and Michelangelo (TMNT) infused the episode with theatrical fun.
• Judge Teo’s real-time reactions kept the episode engaging for listeners.

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Conclusion

This "Turtles vs Rabbits" episode of Smash Boom Best is an entertaining, information-packed debate that will have kids (and parents) looking at both animals in new ways. It balances scientific facts, laughs, pop culture references, and debate skills—all wrapped in a package that’s accessible and fun for the whole family. In the end, slow and steady (and butt-breathing) wins the race!

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For Listeners Who Missed the Show

This summary gives you all the top arguments, the jokes that landed, the facts that wowed, the judge’s rationale, and even the spirit of good-natured competition and learning that Smash Boom Best is known for. Whether you side with turtles or rabbits, you’ll walk away with fun facts, new perspectives, and a smile.

Transcript

[Molly Bloom]

Hi friends. You might have heard that Bark Sandin and I are on the road this spring with Brains On Live. We've been to several cities so far and it has been so much fun. Our next two stops are Atlanta and Fort Lauderdale. That's at the end of March. And then we just announced that we added Lawrence, Kansas in May and Columbus, Ohio in June. We're also heading to Chattanooga, Durham, Milwaukee, Portland, Buffalo and Ann Arbor, Michigan. We hope you'll be able to join us at one of those shows. We can't wait to see you. To get tickets and get more information, you can head to brainson.org events. That's brainson.org events.

[Bark Sandin]

Brains on universe.

[Molly Bloom]

Have you heard the news? Smashboom Best is now independent. We're so excited to be back with an epic new season. And it's all thanks to our Smartypass members. They're the big hearted helpers who power us by [e-mail] you can be one of them. Your support helps pay our debaters and sound designers so we can keep making the fun and fact filled shows your family loves. Plus, you get ad free versions of all of our shows, bonus stuff and access to virtual hangs with me, Molly. Again, that's smartypass.org thank you, thank you, thank you. Now on with the show from the

[Announcer]

brains behind Brains On. It's Smash Boom Best, the show for

[Teo]

people with big opinions.

[Molly Bloom]

Hi, I'm Molly Bloom and this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. You know that old fable, the tortoise and the hare? One slow and steady, the other fast footloose and fancy free. Well, today we're turning that tale into a rollicking debate for the ages. It's turtles versus rabbits. Bouncing in for bunnies is comedian Tim Platt.

[Tim Platt]

I don't think I need to do much but repeat Molly's amazing choice of words. Fast, footloose and fancy free. Though I will add this. My freak can hop. Bunnies only fail in fables. In the real world, they're out of this world.

[Molly Bloom]

Mmm. Very good. And here to talk up turtles is comedian Faria Khan.

[Faria Khan]

Listen, turtles might be low and slow, but just like when you're cooking a delicious meal at home with your mama, slow and steady wins the race.

[Molly Bloom]

And our judge for this super animal showdown is Teo from Montclair, New Jersey. Teo loves cooking and makes a mean chicken Alfredo. They love board games, science experiments and all kinds of music. Teo is also allergic to so many animals, which hopefully won't be a problem for today's debate. Welcome, Teo.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

Hi.

[Molly Bloom]

So, Tayo, what animals are you allergic to?

[Teo]

Oh, my gosh. I'm allergic to cats, dogs, birds, horses, and I think that's it. But, like, all species of birds.

[Molly Bloom]

Okay, that is good to know. You can't be a vet one day, but you can admire them from a distance. So how do you feel about rabbits and turtles, would you say?

[Teo]

I love rabbits and turtles. I've always wanted both.

[Molly Bloom]

Wonderful. And you're not allergic to either of those animals, right?

[Teo]

I do not believe I am.

[Molly Bloom]

So you love music, so pretend you're making me a mix. What are the first three songs or bands you're gonna put on the mix?

[Teo]

Okay, so there is this really, really cool cover band that I listen to. They're called true blood. I actually went to their concert a few weeks ago. They would definitely be on the playlist. A lot of, like, video game music from, like, backgrounds of games. Definitely.

[Molly Bloom]

Nice.

[Teo]

And a little bit of Tyler the creator, because I love Tyler the creator.

[Molly Bloom]

Nice. And okay. So you love to cook too. What's your favorite thing to cook right now?

[Todd Douglas]

Oof.

[Teo]

Definitely stale chicken Alfredo. I love chicken Alfredo.

[Molly Bloom]

Is there any special secret ingredient you put in, or is that a secret and you can't tell us?

[Teo]

I really can't tell you.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, okay. Okay, I understand. So what advice do you have for Tim and Faria today?

[Teo]

I think that you guys have to be yourselves and be funny, and you will get points.

[Molly Bloom]

Excellent, excellent advice. We'll see if Teo picks team rabbits or team turtles. But first, here are the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four. The declaration of greatness, the micro round, the sneak attack, and the final six. After each round, our judge Teo will award points to the team that impresses them the most. But they'll keep their decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. Okay. Teo, Tim, Faria, are you ready?

[Tim Platt]

I'm ready.

[Teo]

Yes, I am.

[Faria Khan]

I'm ready to tumble slow and low.

[Molly Bloom]

Then it's time for the declaration of greatness. In this round, our debaters will present a well crafted immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We've up to coin. And Faria, you're up first. Tell Us? Why turtles are totally triumphant.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

Oh, hey, you caught me at the perfect time. I was just putting up decorations for the event of the season. The world's biggest turtle celebration party. Or should I say celebration? I've been planning this party for literally minutes since this debate started. And I already know it's gonna be

[Faria Khan]

the best party in the history of parties.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

Because these reptiles are remarkable. They're super survivors with amazing bodies and the chillest vibes imaginable. First, turtles are absolutely ancient in the coolest way. They've been around for more than 200 million years. Meaning they walked the earth alongside dinosaurs. Which also means they outlived the massive Triceratops, the ferocious velociraptor, and even the mighty T. Rex. They're survivors.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Did somebody order a ridiculously large ice

[Tim Platt]

sculpture of a turtle?

[Faria Khan]

I did.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

For the party. And to make a point, because some hibernating turtles can live for months in freezing cold, ice covered ponds and lakes, which is totally wild when you think about it, because a turtle has lungs like you and me, that it uses to breathe. Usually it has to swim up to the surface, take a breath of air, then dive back down. So how does it survive in a completely frozen pond or lake where it can't come up to the surface for air? The answer, my friends.

[Faria Khan]

Butt breathing. Yeah, it breathes through its. But

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

instead of taking a big breath of air with its lungs, the turtle absorbs the air from the water with its butt. And then, when springtime comes and the ice melts, our incredible butt breathing buddies swim to the surface and carry on with their lives as normal.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Did someone order a second ridiculously large ice sculpture of a turtle?

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

Again, me. Put it next to the other one. This one is to illustrate that turtles are hard like ice. Specifically their shells, which are actually part of their skeleton. That tough armor is made up of more than 50 separate pieces and covered in keratin, the same stuff your hair and fingernails are made of. And it can regrow and heal if dam.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Okay, I'm guessing you also ordered this third ridiculously large turtle ice sculpture to make some kind of point.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

You got me. Because, like, a chunk of ice. Turtles are super chill these days. There's a lot of pressure to move fast, fast, fast. Hop from soccer practice to dance class to gymnastics, and on and on and on. Kind of like a certain hippity hoppity animal I won't name right now. But here's the thing. Always moving fast is exhausting. It can make it harder to appreciate the world around you. Turtles on the other hand know that moving slow is where it's at. They have plenty of time to enjoy munching a tasty leaf or feel the cool breeze on their shelves. They're in no rush. Oh, looks like my guests are starting to arrive for the party. Hi, guys.

[Bark Sandin]

Three ridiculously large turtle ice sculptures.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

Wow.

[Bark Sandin]

Oh, my gosh. Turtles everywhere.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

Come on in, fellow turtle lovers.

[Bark Sandin]

I love turtles. I like that one over there.

[Teo]

I think he.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

So, to recap, turtles are incredible survivors and butt breathers who know how to slow down and enjoy life's simple pleasures.

[Faria Khan]

Now, let's celebrate for teep turtles.

[Molly Bloom]

Turtle power indeed. Teo, what stood out to you about Faria's declaration?

[Teo]

I did not know that turtles could breathe through their butts. It's very interesting.

[Molly Bloom]

Very interesting indeed. Speaking of butts, Tim, it's time for your rebuttal. You get 30 seconds to run laps around team turtle's arguments, and your time starts now.

[Tim Platt]

Turtles are ancient. Turtles outlive the Triceratops, velociraptor, and T. Rex. And you want me to celebrate that? I love those guys. Seems like maybe the turtle had something to do with their extinction. I don't know. It just doesn't sit. Doesn't sit right with me. You're telling me turtles, they breathe out of their butt? Look, I'm a normal guy. I prefer it when animals fart out of their butt. And I don't think I'm alone here. So you were telling me that turtles move so slow because they appreciate the world around them. Then why do they hide their head in their shells? Seems like they move so slow to avo engaging with this dynamic adventure we call life.

[Faria Khan]

Yes, thank you, Tim, for that insightful commentary. I do have some issues. The fact that you are really downplaying the butt breathing shows me that your fast hippity hop ways can't slow down to smell the roses, because, honey, that's the coolest fact I've ever heard.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, wow. There is a lot of enthusiasm for these animals. Will Tim talk about bunny butts? Only time will tell. We'll more right after this.

[Tim Platt]

Smash.

[Todd Douglas]

Smash.

[Molly Bloom]

Okay, we're back. It's Turtles versus Rabbits. And team rabbit is about to set the pace and make their case. Let's hear it, Tim.

[Tim Platt]

Bunnies are the best. I know because I have a bbf. A best bunny friend. Come out here, Walt.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

I said a hip hop, hippity hoppity, and you don't stop rocking with the rabbit. Come on now, Walt the rabbit here.

[Tim Platt]

Walt and I met when I Accidentally pulled him out of a top hat at an amateur magician's night last Thursday.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Yeah, I'm not so sure how science works, but we're bestest buds now.

[Tim Platt]

Walt, are you wearing the top hat I pulled you out of the.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Sure am. You like?

[Tim Platt]

I don't like it. I love it. Top hats or not, bunnies are some of the most adorable animals around. I'm talking capital C, cuties.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

The tiny noses, our disproportionately large ears,

[Tim Platt]

and don't even get me started on the fluff factor. You practically have pom poms for tails.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

I believe the scientific term is. But pom pom.

[Tim Platt]

Bunny rabbits are also extremely quick. Did you know that some rabbits can run up to 45 miles per hour and jump three feet in the air?

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

All the speedier to outrun or outleap our predators.

[Tim Platt]

Rabbits also have incredible ears. Their ears help a bunny keep a comfy body temperature. And they can rotate the ears up to 270 degrees so bunnies can pinpoint the smallest of sounds from far away.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Plus, bunnies can even move one ear one at a time, like fluffy satellite dishes. Here.

[Teo]

Watch.

[Tim Platt]

Meanwhile, do turtles even have ears?

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

And if you think 270 degrees, spinning ears are impressive. Did you know we have nearly 360 degree vision?

[Tim Platt]

That's right, because rabbit's eyes are on either side of their head, they have amazingly wide vision.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

I don't even have to move my fuzzy face to look up at the sky above. It's a great party trick. Speaking of tricks, wanna jump in my top hat?

[Tim Platt]

Might be kinda snug, but I'll try. Whoa. Did you take me down a literal rabbit hole? I know.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

I should be the one at Amateur Magician Thursdays.

[Tim Platt]

Welcome to the warren I have read about. These warrens are networks of underground tunnels and burrows that some rabbits dig to keep warm and safe together.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Yeah, unlike turtles, us rabbits are social creatures who thrive off of a community.

[Tim Platt]

What's up, Walt?

[Molly Bloom]

Is that your best human friend? Spiffy hat?

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Yep. Just giving Tim a tour of the place. We love communal living here. 20 roommates. The dream. Don't worry, we've got a chore chart.

[Tim Platt]

I have to say, for so many, you're all pretty quiet.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Those rabbits like to communicate with very subtle body language. A nose twitch here, a slight head turn there. If there's danger, we thump our feet fast to send a warning vibration out to others.

[Tim Platt]

Ooh, like that?

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

No, that's just code for carrots on tonight's dessert hop. Back in the hat. Come on.

[Tim Platt]

Whatever you Say, Walt.

[Bark Sandin]

Whee.

[Tim Platt]

Are we in the Rabbit hall of Fame?

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Carrots for dessert? Of course.

[Tim Platt]

There's the Easter Bunny, Judy Hopps from Zootopia, Thumper from Bambi. The Velveteen Rabbit, Peter Rabbit, Roger Rabbit Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh, Lola Bunny, the Energizer Bunny, Buster Baxter from Arthur. And who could forget Bugs Bunny? What's up, Doc?

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Well, we do bring the whimsy.

[Tim Platt]

Yeah, like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland who led Alice to an adventure of a lifetime.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Yes, us rabbits have been manic pixie dreaming way before TikTok made that a cool trend.

[Tim Platt]

Whether it's dominating pop culture, inspiring imagination, or being the cutest, speediest fluffballs in town, Bunnies are the best.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

And that's all, folks. Now, time for carrot dessert.

[Molly Bloom]

I want to split a carrot dessert with a bbf. All right. Taya, what stood out to you about Tim's arguments?

[Teo]

I did not know that they communicated through body language. That's pretty cool.

[Molly Bloom]

Super cool. Faria, you get 30 seconds to rip Tim's arguments to shreds. And your time begins right now.

[Faria Khan]

Okay, Mr. Rabbit. Tim, sure, it's cool about communicating with body language. And their ears can move a lot, but can they breathe out their butts? Honey, I don't think so. Yeah, that 360 degree vision. More like spooky spies. What are you doing over there? Stop looking at me.

[Molly Bloom]

And.

[Faria Khan]

And I gotta say, sure, they have their affinity for the magic community. I respect that.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

But the way they're.

[Tim Platt]

Yeah, you're darn right. I totally agree. It is cool the way they communicate with their bodies. And I also think that. No, I'm glad they don't breathe out of their butts. Am I. Am I crazy? Am I crazy to be the only person to say I am glad rabbits don't breathe out of their butts?

[Molly Bloom]

Teo, it is time to award some points. Please give one point to the declaration of greatness that you liked best. And one point to the rebuttal that won you over. You get to decide what makes a winning argument. Did one team have stronger points? Did another show passion? Award your points, but don't tell us who they're going to. Have you made your decision?

[Teo]

I have.

[Molly Bloom]

Excellent. Faria and Tim, how are you feeling so far?

[Tim Platt]

You know, Faria, we're friends. We're friends from outside of this program. And it's hard to compete against a friend. But when I hear you being so wrong and so unfair about rabbits, I'm like, is this the same person? I know him.

[Faria Khan]

Oh, Tim, we've been friends for many years, but I see you're doing your tricks again, you little tricky magician Man. I think turtles deserve the time and respect for all they've overcome. And if you don't see that, sir, well, I guess I'll be rethinking this friendship.

[Tim Platt]

Rethink friendship? You know what? Even though I would question the friendship, I would never rethink it. I can't believe you would.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, my gosh. The stakes are high today. It is time for a quick break. Stretch those long legs and polish those shells.

[Teo]

And we'll be right back with more Smashboom bist.

[Announcer]

You're listening to State of Debate. Home to rage and rhetoric and awe inspiring argumentation.

[Todd Douglas]

Oh, hey, debate buddies. I'm here with the exquisitely dressed Todd Douglas.

[Taylor Lincoln]

It's me. And I'm with the swellest smiler, Taylor Lincoln.

[Todd Douglas]

Aw, thanks, pal.

[Taylor Lincoln]

Did you do something different with your hair? It looks divine.

[Todd Douglas]

Why, yes. I tried washing it. And Todd, your nails are so well trimmed.

[Taylor Lincoln]

Nail hygiene is my passion.

[Todd Douglas]

Aren't compliments the best? But you know what's the worst? A logical fallacy.

[Taylor Lincoln]

Those are bad arguments that hurt your case. And we saw a nasty fallacy dealt by one of the sweetest people in the world. The compliment fairy.

[Todd Douglas]

Ooh, the compliment fairy used the ad hominem fallacy. That's when you attack someone's character instead of their ideas. Let's listen.

[Announcer]

Hello, Sarah. Your curls are a ray of sunshine. Max, did I tell you I love your singing voice? Oh, Charlie, I heard you aced your math test. You are the smartest kid in the world.

[Charlie]

Thanks, compliment fairy, but don't be silly.

[Announcer]

Silly? Oh, heavens no. I'm just telling you how you're the most intelligent little tyke.

[Charlie]

Yeah, but how would you know if I'm the most intelligent? Have you surveyed all the little tykes in the world? Plus, how are you defining intelligence? Even education professionals struggle to define intelligence. Furthermore, what constitutes a little tyke? Or a kid for that matter? Are you comparing my intelligence to that of a teenager or a baby? Because that hardly seems fair.

[Announcer]

See, all of your quibbles just serve to emphasize how incomparably smart you are.

[Charlie]

Frankly, your lack of insight into the compliment you gave me calls into question the authenticity of your compliments in the past.

[Announcer]

Well, of course you wouldn't agree. You're the smartest kid because you're just a know it all, aren't you?

[Taylor Lincoln]

Ouch. Not cool.

[Todd Douglas]

Yeah, and even with the best intentions, you can still make a fallacy by the way, the compliment fairy did apologize to Charlie right after this. And trust me, it was the most sincere apology ever.

[Taylor Lincoln]

Good to hear, but can we be sure it was the most sincere ever?

[Molly Bloom]

Drop it, Todd.

[Todd Douglas]

We'll see you next time on State of debate.

[Tim Platt]

Smash.

[Molly Bloom]

Boom.

[Tim Platt]

Best.

[Molly Bloom]

You're listening to smashboom. Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.

[Teo]

And I'm your judge, Teo.

[Molly Bloom]

And we love getting deb suggestions from our listeners like this one.

[Bark Sandin]

Hello, my name is Xiao Chen. I live in Singapore, and my debate suggestion is house versus hotels.

[Teo]

Oh, that's a fun twist on the hotels versus camping debate from earlier this season.

[Molly Bloom]

We'll check back in at the end of this episode to see which side Xiaoqian thinks should win.

[Teo]

And now back to rabbits versus Turtles.

[Molly Bloom]

Get ready for round two. It's the

[Announcer]

micro round.

[Molly Bloom]

Tim and Faria, you will each get three chances to make a microargument backed by a cool fact. Faria started things off last round, so, Tim, you get to go first this time. Let's hear your first rabbit fact.

[Tim Platt]

Fact number one. A rabbit's teeth never stop growing. They are kept at bay by chewing on things like twigs and bark. So without rabbits, our neighborhood twigs and bark would remain unchomped by teeth, a fate worse than becoming firewood.

[Faria Khan]

Turtles must be doing something right because they live long. Like, long long. The oldest known living land animal is a turtle that's currently over 190 years old. His name is Jonathan.

[Molly Bloom]

Amazing.

[Tim Platt]

You know, I understand that turtles can live for a long time, but rabbits live everywhere. There are rabbits on every continent in this planet except for Antarctica. And you can't hold that against them because so few animals actually live in Antarctica. Please don't hold that against them. In fact, celebrate how many other places they tend to be.

[Faria Khan]

Okay, cool. But let me just say, turtles are pop culture legends. Yeah. There's the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who are some of the most recognizable heroes in the world. There's Bowser from Mario.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

He's a type of turtle called a

[Faria Khan]

Koopa and one of the most recognizable villains in the world. And there's Crush and the other sea

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

turtles from Finding Nemo, who are famous

[Faria Khan]

for being some of the most chill beings in the entire world.

[Tim Platt]

This is not my fact, but I have to just say that, like you heard my declaration of greatness. I can't believe you were putting those three characters against all of the rabbits that we have seen in popular culture. But it's time for fact number three. Can you imagine if magicians pulled turtles out Of a hat instead of bunnies. For one, it would be heavy and leathery, completely messing up the magician's flow. For second, it would ruin the trick because the audience would be expecting a rabbit. Give the audience what they want. Give them a rabbit.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Please.

[Faria Khan]

Okay, all this rabbit propaganda, but let's

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

just say they don't say cowabunga.

[Faria Khan]

But real turtles do make noise.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

Depending on the species, they may grunt,

[Faria Khan]

hiss, or cluck like chickens or bark like dogs. And let's just remember, they're the chillest guys alive.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

A much funner hang than a bunny.

[Molly Bloom]

Okay, a lot of great facts there, But I want to know, what did you like best about this micro round?

[Teo]

I was listening to Tim's declaration of greatness, and I was listing all these famous turtles, and I forgot about the teenage mutant ninja turtles. And I'm very disappointed in myself. I used to watch them all the time.

[Molly Bloom]

Mm.

[Teo]

I think that it is true that it'd be kind of weird to pull a turtle out of a hat. It'd be a little uncomfortable. True.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

They can do other things.

[Teo]

You know they can.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, right. Teo. So many good facts. We learned so much. But only one of these teams can get a point for this micro round. The criteria are totally subjective and totally up to you. Did someone surprise you? Did someone make you think? Did someone make you laugh? Have you made your decision?

[Teo]

It's a close one, but I have.

[Molly Bloom]

Fantastic. Hold tight. We'll be right back with more debate after this. Want smashboom? Best without the ad breaks. Join smarty pass and get an ad free feed of this and all the other brains on universe shows. Plus, you'll get to do virtual hangs with me and the crew and discounts on merch. Sign [e-mail] thanks.

[Tim Platt]

Boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. Smash Boom Bash.

[Molly Bloom]

We are back, and it's time for our third round, the super stealthy sneak attack. This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's challenge is acceptance speech. Imagine your side just won a big award. Make up that award, then give a short speech as your side receives this award. Do you have a long list of thank yous? Do you have some advice for everyone who lost? It's up to you what the award is for and what your speech is gonna be like. Faria, it is your turn to k things off. Please give us your acceptance speech for turtles.

[Faria Khan]

Bow a blunga, dude. Hey, it's me, Michelangelo. One of the coolest ninja turtles ever to live. I just Wanted to say thanks for this award on behalf of me and my crew. You know, some people say, well, it's weird. We live underground, but, you know, we just like to recharge in the quiet. It's not. We don't like to be out and about all day. We like our zar pizza and. And chilling with our close family and friends, and I think that's a great way. So I want to thank my family, my friends, my turtle community, and my butt for breathing through all of the hard times that life has to offer.

[Molly Bloom]

Thank you.

[Tim Platt]

Wow.

[Molly Bloom]

What was the award that Michelangelo was accepting?

[Faria Khan]

It was for chillest guy alive.

[Molly Bloom]

Of course. Of course. Of course.

[Teo]

This is true.

[Molly Bloom]

Excellent work, Michelangelo and Faria. Tim, it's your turn. Please show us how rabbits accept awards.

[Tim Platt]

Thank you so much. I am, of course, the hare from the tortoise and the hare. And I am receiving the award for giving the turtles the best PR they could have possibly asked for. Why, when I was asked to not win the race, I was definitely going to win and had the potential to win to take a rest to give turtles a moral that they would not have received otherwise. I thought, of course, I'm a kind person. I don't need to win every time, Even though I can and should and will. When I looked at the turtles, it felt so bad that they were going to be moving so slow and stuck in their shell where they wouldn't appreciating the world, just being chill and not engaging with the world. So I took a sacrifice and decided to take a little nap and let them win and let them have their mortals till the end of time. But as they say, a fable is just a fable. And in the real life, I'm amazing, Which is why I've gotten this award for helping the turtles out, even when some say they shouldn't have deserved it. But I actually didn't agree with that. I think they deserve a win, and I'm happy to be the only one to let them have.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, that was really lovely. Excellent award speeches, both of you. I didn't even have to play the music to get you off stage. Wonderful work. All right, Teo, please think about these speeches. Did one make you laugh? Did one sneak in some info? Whatever the criteria are, it's completely up to you. Please choose one side to award a point, but as always, keep it hush, hush. Have you made your decision?

[Teo]

It's so hard, but I think that I have.

[Molly Bloom]

Wonderful. All right, now it's time for

[Announcer]

the final six.

[Molly Bloom]

In this round, each team will have just Six words to sum up the glory of their side. Tim, time to rally for rabbits.

[Tim Platt]

On top is the hop, brother.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Excellent.

[Molly Bloom]

Very good. Okay, Faria, please take it home for turtles.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

Turtles breathe through their butts.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

Fact.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, man. Excellent. Final six is both. But, Teo, only one can get the final point. Please award it. Have you made your decision?

[Teo]

I have.

[Molly Bloom]

Okay, please tally up those points. Are you ready to declare one side the smashboom best?

[Teo]

I am.

[Molly Bloom]

All right. Drumroll, please. And the winner is.

[Teo]

Turtles.

[Tim Platt]

What? What?

[Faria Khan]

Tayo, thank you so much on behalf of me and the Turt. That's an honor. Thank you.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, my gosh. Teo. What? Did it for turtles.

[Teo]

So the sneak attacks were both so good, but Faria happened to guess my favorite ninja Turtle, so I had to give it to Mikey.

[Tim Platt]

What?

[Molly Bloom]

Michelangelo for the win.

[Tim Platt]

Theo, please. I can say other rabbits. I mean, Bugs Bunny. You must like Bugs Bunny, right?

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

You did a lot of hating on turtles.

[Faria Khan]

And now your time is up, pal.

[Tim Platt]

No, no, no, no. Please, no, no, no.

[Walt (Rabbit character)]

I feel so bad.

[Molly Bloom]

No, Teo.

[Teo]

So good. You guys both did so good.

[Molly Bloom]

It was very close. We just. You know, sometimes literature is similar to reality. And today, the tortoise, the turtle did beat the rabbit.

[Tim Platt]

All right, I accept. It's okay, Teo. You are a wise judge. I respect you. I honor you. I'm gonna have a tough day, but I get it. I get it. You have a job to do.

[Faria Khan]

He has good taste. Let him cook.

[Molly Bloom]

All right.

[Faria Khan]

Okay. Tim, you actually did an amazing job. I was shaking in my boots the whole time. I'll tell you, I had no idea I was gonna win. But to win another one over you, I will keep that in my back pocket.

[Tim Platt]

I think I've lost every time to Faria. Every time I've done this.

[Molly Bloom]

It's just a tough opponent.

[Faria Khan]

I will say you did an amazing job. And the magical component of the rabbits will forever be the coolest fact. So thanks for bring and dazzling us with your beautiful stories.

[Tim Platt]

Thank you, Faria. I want to give you. I want to give it up to you. In your declaration of greatness. Your voice really captured that slow turtle pace. It was very compelling, and I felt like I was living in the turtle. I thought that was really excellent. And I have to give it up to you for as well. The moment you had the fact that turtles breathe out of their butts, you did not let that fact go. You brought it back at the time, you made it be the point of the arrow hitting the bullseye. And I have to give you mad respect. For that.

[Molly Bloom]

And the good thing about Faria winning is that you guys can remain friends, right?

[Tim Platt]

Wait, that's true. Yeah. I guess based on. Based on the consequences we both outlined,

[Faria Khan]

I was going to end our friendship.

[Tim Platt]

That's true. That's true. I guess. Teo, thank you. You. You made the kindest choice possible.

[Molly Bloom]

Well, that is it for today's debate battle. Teo, crown turtles the smashboom best. But what about you?

[Teo]

Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.

[Molly Bloom]

This episode was produced by me, Molly Bloom, Sandon Totten and Mark Sanchez. We had sound design by Rachel Breeze and Mark Sanchez. We had engineering help from David Amelin. Our announcer is Marley foyer worker Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross and Taylor Kaufman. Faria, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today?

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

I'd love to give a shout out to Teo. Thanks for coming on and bringing your energy.

[Faria Khan]

And Timmy, I love you, buddy. And shout out to turtles everywhere.

[Molly Bloom]

And how about you, Tim? Any special shout outs?

[Tim Platt]

I would like to shout out a book. It is a book called I am a bunny. It is written by, I may say this name wrong, by ole Rizom. And it is illustrated by Richard Scarry. It's a book that I read to my one year old son almost every night. It's a little bunny. He's the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. I think his name is Nicholas and he just observes the seasons and it's really a gorgeous book for very young kids. A lot younger than Theo. It's. I mean it's for one year olds so. But it's a really beautiful book and it certainly celebrates my little bunny friends.

[Molly Bloom]

I love that book too and read it to my daughter when she was little. It's beautiful. Teo, any special shout outs?

[Teo]

I want to shout out to Glenfield Middle school. My school. It's very, very good. And my mom. Cause she was the one who found out I could do this.

[Molly Bloom]

Awesome. Before we go, let's check in and see who Qiaoqian thinks should win the hotel's versus houses debate.

[Bark Sandin]

I think that hotels will win because I like their food and they will clean after us.

[Molly Bloom]

If you're between the ages of 13 and 18 and you'd like to be a judge or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knockdown drag out debate, head to smashboom.org contact and drop us a line. And if you're a fan of the show and want to keep it going, head to smartypast.org to subscribe. We'll be back next week with our final smashboom best of this season, Black Panther versus Wonder Woman. Bye.

[Faria Khan (continued or additional lines)]

Bye.

[Tim Platt]

Goodbye.

[Teo]

No bye. Better than the rest.

[Tim Platt]

I've noticed that when I'm on the show, I tend to play pretty manipulative

[Faria Khan]

for some reason.