Venom vs Claws

Summary

Smash Boom Best: "Venom vs. Claws"

Podcast: Smash Boom Best
Host: Molly Bloom
Debaters: Tom Weber (Team Venom), Brandi Brown (Team Claws)
Judge: Maddie
Date: July 31, 2019
Episode Length: ~35 mins

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Episode Overview

This lively and hilarious episode of Smash Boom Best—the debate show where two “cool things” face off—puts two of the animal kingdom’s fiercest features in the ring: Venom vs. Claws. With kid judge Maddie presiding, debaters Tom Weber and Brandi Brown go all out, using facts, wit, and personal stories to persuade listeners which wild weapon is best. The show encourages playful argument and critical thinking for the whole family.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening & Introductions (00:00 - 03:02)

• Host Molly Bloom sets the scene for an epic showdown between animal super-weapons: “the weaponry of the wild” (00:12).
• Judge Maddie shares her honest biases and personal pet experiences (dogs and cats with claws, no venomous pets).
• The episode rules and debate structure are explained: Declaration of Greatness, Micro Round, Sneak Attack, Final Six Words—and a secret scorecard.

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Round 1: Declarations of Greatness (04:14 - 15:27)

Team Claws—Brandi Brown

• Expert Input: Brandi calls a zookeeper, Michelle O’Brien, who declares, “in my professional opinion, claws are better than venom” (04:28).
• Arguments:
  • Claws let you keep distance from danger and don’t run out or need time to regenerate (unlike venom).
  • Claws have versatile uses: hunting (“Giant anteaters use their 4-inch claws to dig into anthills”), mobility (cheetahs’ claws grip ground), and climbing (the famous raccoon scales a 25-story building).
  • Claws can intimidate and wound, slowing prey or deterring attackers.
  • Role in self-care and beauty: grooming claws in primates, ornamentation in crabs.
  • Critique of venom: Many venomous animals (like jellyfish) are otherwise weak or unremarkable.
• Memorable moment:
  • “Claws ain’t no party like a claw party, ‘cause boring venomous blobs are not on the guest list.” (08:15)
• Judged by Maddie: Most persuasive part? Expert backup. “It lent some gravitas to your argument.” (09:07)

Team Venom—Tom Weber

• Personal story: Encounter with a rattlesnake at Joshua Tree (10:09).
• Arguments:
  • Venom works with “surgical precision”—delivered by fangs, claws, or stingers for offense and defense.
  • Venom acts quickly and can be specialized (slows heartbeat, breaks down blood vessels, helps digestion).
  • More than snakes: spiders, jellyfish, scorpions, some lizards, bees, wasps—and even male platypuses!
  • Some animals use claws to inject venom (e.g., certain lizards).
  • Medicinal uses: Many antivenoms and even blood pressure medications derive from venom. Research is ongoing (e.g., platypus venom for diabetes).
• Memorable moment:
  • “Venom is best appreciated from afar. Venom, I salute you from over here.” (15:19)
• Judged by Maddie: “I am thoroughly impressed... The only thing I would say is, what about honey badgers?” (15:33)

Rebuttals

• Brandi (15:52): Criticizes the “venom is cool because we make antivenom” as flawed logic. Points out the utility of claws when animals escape and the “multi-tool” nature of claws.
• Tom (09:26): Dismisses claws’ attractiveness (crabs have “big stupid claws,” 09:26), says claws are imprecise and pets with claws scratch you, while venom is exact.

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Round 2: Micro Round — “Here’s to You” Toasts (20:10 - 24:02)

Venom’s Toast (Tom)

• As “best man” at a rattlesnake wedding: tells stories of rattlesnake misadventures, celebrates venom’s life-giving potential, and toasts: “May the things you kill only be other species.” (21:53)

Claws’ Toast (Brandi)

• In the style of a workplace toast, praises claws’ innovation and versatility—helping at company picnics and opening packages, and highlights claws’ inspirational potential: “raise a glass of honey lemonade made with honey harvested from a tree by the sharp claws of a bear… and toast our newest senior vice president of animal things, claws, and its junior executive assistant, venom.” (24:02)

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Round 3: Sneak Attack — Acrostic Poem Challenge (24:26 - 26:28)

Debaters must spontaneously create acrostic poems spelling out their “side.”

• Claws (Brandi):

  • “C—Can do all sorts of things. L—Less energy to use. A—Always there when you need them. W—Wounds, because sometimes you’re not trying to kill. S—Species don’t evolve to tolerate claws.” (25:37)

• Venom (Tom):

  • “V—Very toxic. E—Exacting. N—Not claws. O—Offensive, defensive. M—Medicine maker.” (26:02)

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Round 4: Final Six (27:09 - 27:33)

Each debater delivers their entire argument in just six words.

• Venom (Tom): “Often deadly, can also save lives.” (27:15)
• Claws (Brandi): “Claws. The life-saving multitool you need.” (27:28)

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Tie-Breaker: Fashion Line Showdown (Style Sense) (28:09 - 31:47)

Judge Maddie declares a tie! Both must describe a fashion line based on their side.

• Claws (Brandi):

  • Brand name: “Slice, Dice, Scratch, Swipe.” Outfits feature scratch marks, animal claw motifs, species-specific slogans (“honey badger not bothered right now”), and accessories themed after different clawed animals.
  • “It’s just any animal that has claws.” (28:48)

• Venom (Tom):

  • Fashion line: “Venomous.” A striking single outfit: spider-like furry shoelaces; multi-layered leather ankle bracelets; diamond viper print shirts; helmet with venom-filled jars and a straw shaped like a fang/claw/stinger; necklace with antivenom “just in case.”
  • “This becomes a huge science experiment... around your neck, you’ll have a necklace that has a vial of antivenom, just in case.” (31:13)

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Judgment & Results

• Winner: Venom (Judge Maddie) — thanks to a bold, dangerous, and humorous “science experiment” fashion outfit.
• Notable Quote:
  • Maddie on the spider shoelaces: “Spiders aren’t venomous, so that’s not really like… I have a lot of complaints. I have a whole spinoff podcast called Rebuttal to this entire…” (32:05)
• Both debaters praise each other’s humor and creativity.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Venom is awesomely deadly and also helpful.” —Tom Weber (02:26)
• “Claws ain’t no party like a claw party, ‘cause boring venomous blobs are not on the guest list.” —Brandi Brown (08:15)
• “Venom is best appreciated from afar. Venom, I salute you from over here.” —Tom Weber (15:19)
• “Claws. The life-saving multitool you need.” —Brandi Brown (27:28)
• “Often deadly, can also save lives.” —Tom Weber (27:15)
• “May the things you kill only be other species.” —Tom Weber as a rattlesnake (21:51)
• Maddie: “It’s a tie.” (27:50)
  Drama ensues as the tiebreaker is initiated!

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Additional Highlights

• Educational Moments:

  • Antivenom (how it’s produced, 14:09)
  • Multifunctionality of animal features (climbing, grooming, hunting)
  • Venom in medicine (batroxoban for blood clots, platypus venom for diabetes)

• Humor & Engagement:

  • Both debaters infuse their arguments with jokes, sketches, and creative storytelling.
  • The show’s playful tone encourages listeners to think critically, spot logical fallacies, and debate at home.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:07 – Host and judge introductions
• 03:02 – Rounds/explanation of structure
• 04:14 – Declaration of Greatness: Claws
• 09:26 – Rebuttal: Venom
• 10:09 – Declaration of Greatness: Venom
• 15:52 – Rebuttal: Claws
• 20:10 – Micro round (toasts)
• 24:26 – Sneak attack/acrostic poems
• 27:09 – Final six-word statements
• 27:50 – It’s a tie! Tiebreaker announced
• 28:09 – Fashion line runoff (Style Sense)
• 31:47 – Final decision: Venom wins

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Conclusion

Smash Boom Best delivers a fun and informative debate full of animal facts, jokes, and epic showdowns. This “Venom vs. Claws” episode spotlights the versatility and danger of two animal superpowers, ultimately crowning Venom the winner—but not without fierce (and funny) competition. Kids and families are left encouraged to keep thinking, debating, and voting for themselves!

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Vote for your favorite at smashboom.org!

Transcript

[A]

From the brains behind brains on, it's Smash Boom Best, the show for people with big opinions.

[B]

Hello, I'm Molly Bloom, and this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. And I feel like I should warn you, we're venturing outdoors today, so grab some sunscreen, hiking boots, and don't forget your binoculars because you'll want to keep your distance. This is a debate about the weaponry of the wild. It's venom versus claws.

[A]

I feel like claws are better just because they seem more deadly. Claws because I have long nails. So it's kind of like me having, like, mini claws, I guess. Venom. Because physically, they won't know they're infected until they're dead.

[B]

Whether you're in defense mode or gearing up for an attack, venom and claws have got you covered. They're both pretty cool if you ask me. But we don't just hang out and talk about cool things on this show.

[A]

We smash them together in epic debate.

[B]

Beckles. Right? That's Maddie, our judge for today's debate. How is it going, Maddie?

[A]

Pretty good. How about you?

[B]

I am doing well, thank you. So are you coming into this debate with a bias in one direction, Venom or claws?

[A]

Absolutely not.

[B]

Excellent. So what's the first thing that pops in your mind when you hear the word claws?

[A]

A giant bear.

[B]

And what about venom?

[A]

A giant snake.

[B]

Giant animals. So have you ever had a pet with either venom or claws?

[A]

I have had numerous pets that have all had claws.

[B]

No Venom pets?

[A]

No Venom pets.

[B]

Which were the pets with claws?

[A]

Four dogs and two cats.

[B]

Have they ever been the cause of injury to you?

[A]

Oh, absolutely.

[B]

The dogs and the cats. Yeah. Okay, so if you could magically have one yourself, either venom or claws, which would you choose?

[A]

I would probably have to go with claws because I feel like they'd be a lot more practical.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because you could do a lot more with claws than you could with the venom.

[B]

Which one do you think is more intimidating to opponents?

[A]

Oh, venom for sure. Yeah, that's. It's pretty dangerous.

[B]

So do you have any advice for our debaters that we're about to meet and how to do a good argument?

[A]

Be confident.

[B]

Yeah, confidence.

[A]

Confidence. Confidence is key.

[B]

It is key. You can get away with a lot if you're confident. Okay, well, I think it's time we meet our debaters. First up, arguing for those potent secretions we call venom, It's Tom Weber. Hello. Hello. Hello, Tom. In just one sentence, why is team Venom going to be victorious today because.

[C]

Venom is awesomely deadly and also helpful.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

What'S happening?

[B]

All right. And now, serving up only the sharpest arguments for team Claus, it's Brandi Brown. Hello, Brandi. Why will Claus take the crown today?

[A]

Many, many reasons. Too many to get into right now.

[B]

Oh, we'll hear those in a minute.

[C]

I feel like you're dodging the issue.

[A]

No spoilers.

[B]

Well, I hope we have some band aids on hand, because our debaters are ready to bite, slash, sting, and claw their way to victory.

[A]

Very nice.

[B]

Thank you. All right, before we set this debate battle into motion, we need to review the rounds. Round one is when both sides present their declaration of greatness. They'll lay out all the coolest facts, figures, and lore they've dug up about their side. Then it's the micro round, a creative challenge that debaters prepared for in advance. Three is the sneak attack, a surprise challenge for debaters to compete in on the spot. And our fourth round is the final six, when debaters have just six words to win the last point in the debate. Maddy here is going to award one point after every round, but she won't reveal her tally until the end of the debate. And if you're playing along at home, we want you to keep score, too. You can use some scratch paper or download a custom scorecard from smashboom.org okay, Maddie, are you ready to preside over this smash boom battle?

[A]

I'm so ready.

[B]

And how about you debaters? Are you ready to duke it out?

[A]

Yes, definitely.

[B]

Excellent. That means it's time for round one, declaration of greatness. We flipped a coin. And, Brandi, you're going to strike first with your declaration of greatness. By hook, crook, or claw, convince us that your side is best.

[A]

Hi, I'm Brandi Brown. You might remember me from such smash boom best battles as owls. Are they better than bats? And is having superhuman speed better than superhuman strength? Today, I'm here to tell you why having claws is way better than having venom. I asked my friend, a zookeeper, to weigh in, and here's what she had to say. Hi, this is Michelle o'. Brien. I'm a zookeeper. I've been a zookeeper for almost 20 years, and I've worked with cats and birds and otters and snakes and frogs and bats and hippos, all kinds of animals. And in my professional opinion, claws are better than venom. Ha. I knew it. Of course claws are better than venom. Tell me more. Michelle, one of the reasons is that with venom, you have to bite your Prey. So you have to be really close. And with claws you can reach out. And you don't have to be as close to what you're trying to hurt or kill. Unless you're a spitting cobra. And then you can shoot your venom, which is pretty cool. But it can be hard to hit your target. And if you use all your venom, well, it's expensive to make, which means that it could be days or weeks before you make more. So that's a long time when you might need to hunt and kill something to not have any of your venom. Excellent point. If you have claws, you can swipe all day, no problem.

[B]

Another busy fishing day for this brown bear. Today I've used my sharp claws to.

[C]

Catch and eat 30 salmon and I'm not even very tired. Make it 31.

[A]

Plus, animals with long arms and claws don't have to risk injuring vital organs by getting close to their target. They can reach and slash. And even if they don't make a kill, a wound from an animal claw usually slows down prey or scares off an attacker. And by the way, claws do so much more than attack. Claws can help animals find food. Giant anteaters use their 4 inch claws to dig into ant hills. Grizzly bears use their curved front claws to dig for tasty plants, animals and insects in the ground or in trees. Plus, claws help animals move about like cheetahs. They run very quickly and their claws make it easier to grip the ground like track cleats. And once a Brave raccoon named MPR Raccoon used its claws to scale a 25 story building just outside the room I'm in right now. How is venom going to help you get around, fight someone and steal their ride? Pathetic. In fact, many venomous creatures don't have a lot going for them outside of their venom. They're too weak to fight any other way. Like one of the most venomous creatures on earth. The box jellyfish. And while sure it can kill you with a single sting, that's all it can do. It has no spine, no brain, and no sense of humor at all.

[C]

Hey, that's rude.

[A]

Without its venom, a box jellyfish is just a goofy translucent blob floating around over the ocean. They're kind of like that friend who only has one good story that they tell over and over again.

[C]

Then I stung him.

[A]

Seriously?

[C]

Another venom story?

[B]

No wait, there's more.

[C]

Then the fish's cousin showed up and I stung her too.

[A]

Poor jellyfish. So boring and clawless. You can do way more with claws than just attack. And then I scrape.

[B]

Scaled an entire skyscraper with my claws. Just for laughs.

[A]

It was on the news all over the world.

[C]

Sex story.

[B]

Raccoon. Love it. How about we take this party to.

[C]

The next level with some delicious snacks? I'll dig some up with my bear claws.

[A]

Purrfect idea.

[C]

Thanks, cheetah.

[A]

In fact, I'll go on a speedy soda run. You know I've got that claw tastic speed.

[C]

Heck yes.

[A]

Claws ain't no party like a claw party. Cause boring venomous blobs are not on the guest list. Finally, let's talk looks. Claws also help animals look pretty. Lemurs, tarsiers, and several other primates have what's called a grooming claw. They use it to clean themselves or scratch themselves. And male fiddler crabs have one cartoonishly oversized claw that they wave around to attract female crabs.

[C]

Hey, ladies.

[B]

Yoo hoo.

[A]

Over here. See this handsome giant claw? It's attached to me. Who is also handsome and is over here. I'm guessing no animal finds being attacked with venom attractive. It's for these reasons that I think you will find having claws are way better than having venom.

[B]

Team claws comes out scratching. What did you think, Maddie? Did you have a part in there that was most persuasive to you?

[A]

I thought it was interesting and a good point to have an expert come in.

[B]

Mm. Relented some gravitas to your argument. Okay, well, please retract your claws, Brandi, because now we're going to give Tom a chance to make a rebuttal in just 30 seconds. Are you ready, Tom? Mm. On your mark. Get set, go.

[C]

I dismissed the thing about the crabs because for me, I'm an eyes guy. I think people with pretty eyes, that's how I find attractiveness. And crabs have those little baby eyes, so of course they have to have a big stupid claw to look attractive. I get that. Okay. The thing about claws is they are so errant. How many have pets? I think our judge is one who the dog or the cat is. Rub up.

[B]

Rup. Rub up.

[C]

And then all of a sudden, you got a scratch right down your cheek. That's not cool, people. Venom, to Brandy's own point, is very exacting. Okay.

[B]

That is it for your rebuttal, Tom. But we're going to give you the floor again to make a declaration of greatness for Team Venom. Have at it.

[C]

So there I was a few years ago at Joshua Tree national park in California, coming down a mountain on a morning hike in the warm sun. The trail near the parking lot was fashioned into Steps, a nature staircase. At one point, I brought down my foot and sensed something moving under me. Freaked me out. So I did this last second foot zoom thing. Kind of a crazy legs dance. That must have looked silly to onlookers, but it gave me a different landing spot. And then I saw what had moved. A rattlesnake. It was very scared of me and had moved to the path's edge and was all coiled up, mouth open, hissing, telling me to go away. And I did. After I took a photo, I admit. But. Holy venomous footstep, Batman. Do you know what it could have done to me? Some snakes, like rattlers, carry a poison in their bodies called venom. Venom is a toxin or a mix of toxins. When a venomous snake bites, it injects that venom into the other animal's bloodstream. This is where it gets dangerous. Some venom slows down heartbeats. Others speed them up. Some cause blood vessels to tear or dissolve. Others lead to convulsions or vomiting. And some venom really is just there to help the snake digest the food later. Snakes aren't the only animals that can carry venom. So do spiders and jellyfish and scorpions and lizards and bees and wasps and even male platypuses.

[A]

Platypuses?

[C]

Yes. These odd little mammals with their duck bills and beaver tails and otter like toes have a spur behind their back feet. And when it's mating season and when they're fighting with other platypuses over a lady friend, they'll stab each other with venom. There's only one way to win the lady platypus fighting.

[A]

I don't know, guys. I'd be down to hear some poetry or maybe see your baking skills.

[C]

Fighting it is ungar.

[B]

Take that.

[C]

And that. And these animals either bite you or sting you or scratch you with a claw to inject the poison.

[A]

Did he say claw?

[C]

Yes. Yes, I did. Some animals use claws to inject venom into other animals. When you inject that poison, it's called envenoming. Ooh, venom is dangerous. Yes, it can kill humans. But luckily we've created antivenoms that can save you from envenoming. Oh, by the way, ever you hear that, you're supposed to try to suck out the venom if you're ever bitten? Uh, yeah, don't do it. It's not effective. Venom is really good at getting into bloodstreams quickly. And you could use that sucking venom time instead to get to a hospital for some anti venom. So after all of that, why pick venom over claws? Surgical precision. Think of this, eagles use their claws or talons to pluck fish out of the water. But how many times does the fish come flying out of the eagle's talons and back into the water? I got a fish. I got a fish.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

The fish fell.

[A]

Gotta get another one.

[C]

Oh, but man, venom. It is injected through fangs or claws right into that blood. Oh, hey, mous.

[A]

I just bit you and. Oh, you're running away.

[C]

That's cool. The venom is already in your blood. It's only a few more seconds until you collapse. And now I'll just leisurely come over and have lunch.

[A]

Pineappete.

[C]

But I saved the best for last. For all of this talk of venom being the thing that hurts or kills animals, it also saves lives. Yes, some venom is used in medicine. The antivenom we use to treat bites is made from venom. You get a little venom, you inject it into a bigger animal, like a horse, and the horse's immune system will create antivenom antibodies and then draw that blood from the horse. Doesn't hurt the horse. Grab the antibodies, replicate them. Voila. Anti venom. There's a thing called batroxoban that is put into some medicines either to help stop bleeding or to break up blood clots. Vitroxoban is a fancy word for the venom of a viper, found in South America. Other venoms are used in medicine that help lower blood pressure. Even that platypus venom is being tested to maybe help diabetes patients. So all hail the snakes and spiders and scorpions and platypuses and all the other animals that carry venom. The more we learn about these creatures and the poisons they carry, the more we might learn. The poor poisons aren't always so poisonous. Venom is best appreciated from afar. Venom, I salute you from over here.

[B]

Excellent work, Team Venom. Maddie, what did you think of that declaration of greatness?

[A]

I am thoroughly impressed. The only thing I would say is, what about honey badgers?

[C]

They don't have venom. I know that.

[A]

They don't care either.

[C]

They don't.

[B]

Okay, well, Brandi, you have time to tear some holes in Team Venom's arguments. You have 30 seconds for your rebuttal, Starting right now.

[A]

Okay. Did Tom make the argument that venom is cool because we make anti venom to stop venom? That's like saying flu is awesome because we make shots to stop the flu. That's a terrible argument. And also, you talk about eagles and animals getting away again, if they have claws, they have these giant claws in these beaks. They wound them, and the animal's not going to get far. And then finally we talk about the platypus and we talk about all these other animals with claws and that inject the venom. The only way it's getting in is with the claws. The cooler thing.

[B]

Time.

[C]

And so the best way to win smashboom best is to pick venom because animals with claws use venom. It's a win win. Everybody. Everybody wins.

[B]

Okay, Maddie, you've heard the fierce arguments from both sides and now you have to decide who won the first point. Don't say it out loud. And you can take a minute to think it over, listeners. You too. You can always press pause if you need more time to deliberate. It's a tough decision. A lot of good facts, a lot of passion, a lot of danger. Have you decided?

[A]

I have.

[B]

Okay, Brandy and Tom, please put away your claws, fangs, stingers, and any other sharp objects you may have brought to the studio. We're going to let you both take a breather because it's time for our halftime break.

[A]

Taylor Lincoln here with 12 time debate champ, Todd Douglas.

[C]

Hi Dee ho there, debate heads. We taped a roaring debate between a motorcycle and an RV in Haha Tonka State Park, Missouri.

[A]

The RV was making all sorts of funny noises. What was causing all that racket? Let's find out.

[C]

Todd, rev it up and let it roll.

[A]

Yo rv, you sound terrible.

[C]

I know motorcycle. It's because I'm hungry for more fuel. Uh, no. You might be hungry, but that sound means your muffler is busted. I just drove all the way from Arizona. That sound means I need more gas. You don't believe me, Ray, the car mechanic'll tell ya she's an expert. Hey Ray, what's that sound mean?

[B]

His muffler is busted.

[C]

See? Hooty hoo. Taylor, that motorcycle pulled an, uh, awesome debate move. He called in an expert to support his case.

[A]

Yep, it always makes your argument more reliable if you have an authority on the matter to back you up. Alrighty, Todd, I'm starving.

[C]

How about lunch? Sure. You can try my new artichoke dip. People say it's the best artichoke dip this side of the Mississippi.

[A]

Oh, I'm an artichoke dip expert and I can say it's true.

[C]

Catch you next time on.

[B]

Smash. Smashboom. This is smashboom Best, the show about showdowns. We love debates so much that we're constantly thinking of new matchups. Like when I'm ordering breakfast or planning my next vacation or just getting my day started. It turns out our listeners love a good showdown. As much as we do. And they send us their ideas all the time. Like Jacob from St. Petersburg, Petersburg, Florida.

[A]

My debate ideas, Fantasy versus reality.

[B]

Stay tuned at the end of the episode to hear which side Jacob thinks should win. And if you have a killer debate idea, head to smashboom.org to share it with us. All right, let's get back to a wild showdown between two of nature's most fearsome creations. Venom versus claws. It's time for our second round micro round. Both debaters prepped for this micro round challenge in advance. It's called here's to you. We asked them to write a toast to their side. It's up to them to decide what the occasion is. Maybe Claus just got a promotion. Or maybe Venom just married the love of its life. The point is to celebrate all the things that make their side great. Brandy went first in the last round. So, Tom, you're up. Let's hear your toast. To all things Venomous.

[C]

Hello. Hello, everyone. Yes, hello. Yes, I wanted. Hello. I wanted to offer the toast now for our happy couple. I'm not used to making speeches. I'm Sylvester, and I'm the best man. Yeah, Steve and I here grew up together in the desert. Just two young rattlesnakes in a big world. Oh, man. Man, can I tell you some stories? I really can. Like that time that Steve, when there were those four mice running past us, and we both jumped out, and we each got one with our venom, like, right at the same time. It was so awesome. I think you caught the bigger mouse. In fact, you looked huge afterwards when you were digesting that thing. Oh, and then. I can't believe I'm telling this story. There was that. So there was that human out on the trail, and we weren't paying attention because we were playing our music way too loudly. And the guy startled you, and you jumped at him, and your fangs got stuck in his boot, and you were getting whipped all over. Cause he was trying to kick you off. Oh, man, you flung very far that day. Yeah, actually, I don't. Maybe your parents didn't actually know about that story anyway. I know, Steve. I know you and Sam are gonna be really happy laying eggs at some point, I'm sure. Raising those little rattlers to catch their own mice. A real family. I'm really happy for you. So everyone, please raise your glasses. Yeah, well, actually, so we don't have arms, but, like. Anyway, To Steve and Sam. May the things you kill only be other species.

[B]

That was very moving. Okay, Brandi, it's your turn. Why should we clink our glasses together for claws?

[A]

What can I say about claws that hasn't already been said? It turns out a lot. Claws are true innovators, always disrupting the world of attacking and defending. Like suppose you are being bullied by an animal. A porcelain crab will attack that mean ol animal with its claw and even detach the claw so that you and it can make a quick escape. Meanwhile, that big bad bully will be stuck fighting a severed claw like a fool. That's just one of the many innovations claws bring to the table. We couldn't have reached our ambitious goals in the first quarter of the year without claws. Claws have inspired us to never stop reaching for the stars. And other things. Remember at the company picnic, several of us were playing Frisbee, and our disc kept getting stuck in a tree. First a red panda, then a black bear used their claws to climb that tall tree and get our frisbee down. Incredible work by Klaus. I can't imagine what we would have done if only venomous snakes were there. What's a venomous snake gonna do? Slither up the tree, bite it, and hope it falls over so it can retrieve the Frisbee? Who knows how long that'd take? Time is money. To be fair to venom, scorpions have poisonous stingers and claws. And platypuses also have venomous back claws. So I guess it's only fair that we at least let venom come work for claws. Claws are way more useful for opening packages and the occasional non venomous snail mail snail mail.

[B]

Get it?

[A]

But for real, cone snails are venomous, so watch out for that. So let's raise a glass of honey lemonade made with honey harvested from a tree by the sharp claws of a bear. And toast our newest senior vice president of animal things, Claus, and its junior executive assistant, Venom.

[B]

Excellent work. I want you guys both coming and making toast at my next dinner party. Now, Maddie, you've heard both teams toasts, and it's time to award a point. Mull it over for a minute if you need to. Have you awarded a point?

[A]

I have.

[B]

If you're judging at home, mark down your point for this micro round quickly, because this is known for sneaking up on people.

[A]

Sneak attack.

[B]

Tom and Brandy, are you ready to hear what you're up against?

[C]

I am ready, definitely.

[B]

Initial thoughts. Which means we need you to write an acrostic poem for your side. That's a poem where the first letter of each line spells out a word or phrase. For example, if your side was dog, you might write something like D. Devoted. O. Obedient. G. Good girl. What does dog spell? Dog. And each line of the poem, devoted, obedient and good girl relates to dogs. We'll give you a minute to put your poetic chops to work. Cue the hold music, please.

[A]

Nature's weapon. Poison cure. Antivenom is the cure. Fennel.

[B]

Yikes.

[A]

Avoid that scary bite. Long and sharp claws that scratch. Smooth and spiky claws that catch. Swat, swat. Ouch. This cat has claws too.

[B]

All right, Brandy, you're up first. Let's hear your acrostic poem about claws.

[A]

C can do all sorts of things. L. Less energy to use. A. Always there when you need them. Wounds. Because sometimes you're not trying to kill. S. Species don't evolve to tolerate claws.

[B]

Mmm, Very nice, Tom. Let's hear your acrostic about venom.

[C]

All right, here we go. Venom. V. Very toxic. E. Exacting. N. Not claws.

[B]

O.

[C]

Offensive and defensive. M. Medicine maker.

[B]

Very nice work, both of you. Maddie, do you know who you want to give a point to for this sneak attack round?

[A]

I think I do.

[B]

Oof. She decided quickly. Okay, listeners, you two award a point for the acrostic poem that swayed you the most. We have just one more round and I want to check in. Tom, Brandy, how you both feeling?

[A]

Feeling great.

[C]

Very dizzy, as if I've been bitten by a snake. I'm very nervous.

[B]

Maddie, don't say who, but is there a clear front runner in your mind, or is it still a toss up?

[A]

It's pretty close.

[B]

All right. With tensions high, we move into the fourth and final round of this beastly brawl. Our debaters have to choose their words very wisely because they only get six more.

[A]

The final six.

[B]

Tom, you're up. Let's hear your final six.

[C]

Often deadly can also save lives.

[B]

She's counting. Maddie has confirmed that it's only six words.

[C]

Six words.

[B]

Very potent stuff from team Venom. Brandy, please sharpen up your claws for one last attack.

[A]

Claws. The life saving multi tool you need.

[B]

All right, that's it. We made it through four raucous rounds of debate, and there's just one thing left to do. Maddie, have you marked down your last point? I have, listeners. You too? Okay, Maddie, which of our debaters are you going to crown the smash boom best today?

[A]

It's a tie.

[C]

What?

[B]

What? What?

[A]

Drama, drama, drama.

[B]

With such a good debate that it was a tie. But have no fear, we have a tiebreaker.

[C]

Oh, my goodness, I'm so nervous.

[B]

We're going into sudden death.

[A]

Sudden death.

[B]

This is called style Sense. If your side Had a fashion line, what would it be called and what would the style aesthetic be? Talk us through a sample outfit from your side's line. Brandi, you're up first.

[A]

All right, first of all, the name of the brand is slice, dice, scratch, swipe. That's the name of the brand. It's very, very global. We want to go for all of the claws. And then so basically, the outfits are going to be different animal scratches. Like they're claw marks.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

And that's going to be the print. So we might have a honey badger line. And then the honey badger line, it'll have like a little slogan on the back. So on the back it'd say, like, honey badger don't care. And then we would get sued because that is actually a trademarked thing that someone says might be like, ah, honey badger. Not really bothered right now. And then we'd have their scratches. You'd get like a shirt. You could get some pants. Or it might have a little crab claw pinching. And it's. It's just any animal that has. Has claws. Humans can have their own. You know, we have a line for eagles, their talons. And on the back, you know, some of them might also say venom. Not great. We're still workshopping that in the studio. But yeah, I think that's gonna be our fashion line.

[B]

Very nicely done. Appreciate how inclusive it is. Tom, describe your fashion line.

[C]

The thing about this competition is that when you're thinking about which is cooler, the word venom is just a cooler name. So I don't need to come up with a cool name for the fashion line. It's just venomous. And you could do the whisper thing like those perfume ads. Venomous. Okay. And it's really just one outfit, but it's a doozy. Okay. So the shoelaces on your shoe are actually furry to resemble the legs of a spider, which could, you know, sting you. Okay. Then you'll of course, need around the bottom, you'll need ankle bracelets that are made of at least three lay of leather so that if you are bitten, you know, you won't actually, you know, the snake won't get through on, like our little toast there earlier. Okay. Then we have shirts that have the patterns of a diamond viper on them. Look at all the beautiful patterns that snakes and other animals have. And you just put that on the shirt. There's no holes in the shirt. Cause who does that, right? I mean, come on. Okay, and then here's the thing. Here's what we're doing. Then on the Top, it's a helmet. But then there's two places strapped on each side where you can put, like, a jar of something. And this'll be a jar of venom. And then you have the tube that you drink as a straw. And at the end of the straw, you get to pick. It can either be a claw or a fang or a stinger. And you drink the venom. Now, here's the thing. Here's the thing, people, right? Venom hurts you if it gets into your blood. I don't know what happens if you drink it. So this becomes a huge science experiment. But the key here is that around your neck, you'll have a necklace that has a vial of antivenom, just in case. Cause I don't know what's gonna happen here. So this becomes just science. That's what I'm saying. Wow.

[B]

That outfit has form, function. And danger.

[C]

And danger.

[B]

All right, it all comes down to this. Maddie, have you awarded your final point? I have listeners at home award yours too. Maddie, who have you awarded this final point to?

[A]

Today's winner is. Venom.

[B]

Yay. Oh, my goodness. That came down to a very complicated and dangerous outfit.

[A]

I only have one complaint. The spider shoelaces.

[C]

Okay, we can work on that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

This is all done in two minutes.

[A]

I mean, spiders aren't venomous, so that's not really like. I have a lot of complaints. I have a whole spin off podcast called rebuttal to this entire. Right. Why Venom was also mine would definitely clear legal.

[C]

Brandi, I thought your presentation was wonderful. You are very learned of Claus. And I learned some stuff too, so very good job.

[A]

And Tom, as someone who does comedy, I was tickled by your whole presentation. I too, found it very funny.

[B]

Well, Vena may have come out ahead on Maddie's scorecard, but maybe you judged differently.

[A]

Make your voice heard by heading to smashboom.org and casting your vote for team Claws or Team Venom.

[B]

And that's it for today's fiercely feral face off. Smashboom Best is brought to you by Brains on and American Public Media.

[A]

It's produced by Mark Sanchez, Sandon Totten, Molly Bloom, Alyssa Dudley, and Rosie Dupont.

[C]

We had engineering help from the awesome Veronica Rodriguez.

[A]

And we had production from Manica Wilhelm, Christina Lopez, and Lauren D. Brenna Everson.

[B]

Is the voice of our hold music, and our announcer is Marlee Feuer, Worker Auto. We want to give a special thanks to Chrissy Pease, John Miller, Chip Walton, Peter Eklund, Melanie Renee, and Joe Juvlind. Brandi, is there anyone you want to give a shout out to today.

[A]

Yes, I want to thank Michelle o', Brien, our zookeeper, her sound engineer and husband, John o', Brien, and our sad box jellyfish, Donovan Indovino Colley.

[B]

And how about you, Tom?

[C]

I would like to thank all of the researchers who handle venomous animals because inevitably and I learned this, they will get bitten or stung and then they sometimes have to use the anti venom that it's their job to make. So thank you for helping us learn what these things are and all the work you do.

[B]

And Maddie, do you want to give any special thanks?

[A]

I'd just like to say happy Birthday, Ethan.

[B]

Happy birthday, Ethan.

[C]

Happy birthday, Ethan.

[B]

Before we go, let's check back in with Jacob, the listener that suggested a fantasy versus reality matchup. Here's who Jacob thinks would win.

[A]

I think fantasy would win because fantasy can be magical and you can make up anything you want.

[B]

If you have a debate idea burning a hole in your pocket, head to smashboom.org and tell us about it. We'll be back next week with a brand new debate.

[A]

Catch you later.

[B]

It.

[A]

It'S like if I were offended by you insulting Claus and then I spit on you and then I had to nap in the studio for eight hours before I could wake up and try to spit on you again, I might miss. That's Venom. But Klaus, I could just swipe at you and then quickly run away and leave and go home. I.

[C]

Think that's probably right.