#101 - Reading More Bad 2 Sentence Horror Stories

Summary

Smosh Mouth Episode #101 - Reading More Bad 2 Sentence Horror Stories: A Detailed Summary

Released on July 7, 2025

In episode #101 of "Smosh Mouth," hosts Shayne Topp and Amanda Lehan-Canto team up with guest Tommy to explore the quirky and often hilariously ineffective world of two sentence horror stories. The episode blends humor, personal anecdotes, and playful banter as the trio navigates through a collection of short horror snippets, highlighting both their strengths and comedic shortcomings.

Introduction and Setting the Stage (00:01 - 02:34)

The episode kicks off with Shayne and Amanda welcoming Tommy, who brings an air of skepticism to the table. From the get-go, the trio establishes a light-hearted tone, poking fun at the concept of "two sentence horror."

Quote:
Tommy (00:09): "I found myself sitting in a chair with two people, but then I found out it was Smoshmouth two Sentence Whore."

Amanda responds with playful defensiveness, setting the stage for a friendly and humorous discussion.

Quote:
Amanda (00:15): "Whoa, wait. Hey, Did I take offense to that?"

Revisiting Two Sentence Horror Stories (02:35 - 10:25)

Shayne reminisces about a previous episode where they successfully delved into two sentence horrors with Damian, only to find that the genre hasn't improved much over time. The hosts agree that while these short stories rarely achieve genuine fear, they can still spark "spooky thoughts" or serve as intriguing premises.

Quote:
Shayne (00:43): "But now there's been some time for more two sentence horror stories to accrue, and primarily some bad ones."

Tommy voices his doubts about the genre's efficacy, humorously stating that most two sentence horrors are "almost always bad."

Quote:
Tommy (00:57): "I think two sentence horrors are almost always bad."

Despite the skepticism, the hosts acknowledge that some stories manage to create a fleeting sense of unease, even if they're not truly terrifying.

Quote:
Shayne (01:27): "There's none that are gonna be, like, actually scary, but it's kind of more like, ooh, a spooky thought."

Personal Movie Experiences and Shifting to Horror (10:26 - 21:03)

The conversation naturally transitions to discussing recent horror movies. The hosts share their opinions on films like "Warfare," "Bring Her Back," "Talk to Me," "Barbarian," and "Long Legs," offering personal insights and humorous critiques.

Quote:
Shayne (04:15): "I love them, but I... I haven't seen it yet."

Amanda recounts a chilling experience at a movie theater where an old woman with a mask unnerved her, leading to a broader discussion about creepy encounters during solo movie outings.

Quote:
Amanda (05:37): "She was alone. Oh, she had her mask. But it was here. She decided to get up, and the whole theater is pretty much open. And then sit. Sit next to me."

Shayne shares similar unsettling experiences, emphasizing how these moments contribute to the eerie atmosphere of watching horror films alone.

Quote:
Shayne (06:08): "You know what's so weird is my daughter, on several occasions, I've seen movies by myself, and that shit has happened multiple times."

The hosts delve into the logistics of movie-watching, such as dealing with previews and the common occurrence of latecomers, especially in Los Angeles.

Quote:
Shayne (11:18): "I love trailers. James is nodding his head. James, where freak like that."

Diving into Two Sentence Horror Stories (21:04 - 55:25)

With the groundwork laid, Shayne introduces the main segment: reading and critiquing bad two sentence horror stories sourced from Reddit's "2cents Horror" subreddit. The group kicks off with a well-crafted story to set the benchmark.

Quote:
Shayne (16:37): "And for those who don't know, 2 cents. Horror is a subreddit on Reddit where people submit two sentence horror stories."

They share their interpretations and reactions to each story, blending humor with genuine attempts to find the horror elements within the short narratives. Notably, Tommy often points out the flaws or absurdities in the stories, leading to playful exchanges.

Example Story:
Story: "Please God, don't let it look in the closet. I silently prayed, please, God, don't let it look in the closet. It parroted back from the next room."
Discussion: The group analyzes the ambiguity and the eerie repetition, debating the underlying threat of the story.

Quote:
Shayne (16:51): "Please God, don't let it look in the closet. I silently prayed, please, God, don't let it look in the closet. It parroted back from the next room."

Another story involves a boy pleading to stop his father from hitting him, only for the father to transform into an evil toddler.

Quote:
Shayne (23:06): "They want to kill Daddy. On the dark web, kitties kill daddy."

The hosts continue reading various stories, each sparking different reactions—some are found amusingly poor in execution, while others carry a shade of genuine horror despite their brevity.

Quote:
Amanda (19:57): "The neighbor kills them."

Humorous Anecdotes and Story Creation (55:26 - 63:45)

As the episode progresses, the hosts experiment with creating their own two sentence horror stories. These attempts often result in humorous and intentionally "bad" stories, staying true to the episode's theme.

Example Story:
Story: "When we started dating, I didn't notice anything unusual about my partner. But then one day, suddenly, horses weren't called horses anymore."
Discussion: The trio humorously debates the surreal nature of the story, showcasing their creative (and comedic) attempts to craft horror within the two-sentence limit.

Quote:
Shayne (24:36): "When we started dating, I didn't notice anything unusual about my partner. But then one day, suddenly, horses weren't called horses anymore."

Amanda shares a personal haunted house experience, adding a touch of real-life eeriness to the conversation.

Quote:
Amanda (61:44): "I went on a girls cabin trip to Idlewild. It was so much fun. But what we didn't realize is the house was actually haunted."

Tommy contributes by sharing his creative (and humorous) two sentence horror, emphasizing the blend of horror and absurdity.

Quote:
Tommy (62:37): "I thought I asked my mom for creamy peanut butter when I was eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but that's when. Wait, but..."

Final Stories and Wrap-Up (63:46 - 64:30)

In the concluding segment, the hosts share their last few stories, continuing the pattern of humorous critique and playful interaction. They emphasize the blend of genuine horror and comedic overtones that make these two sentence stories entertaining in their own right.

Final Story:
Story: "As I began scratching the itch on my arm, my wife said, I guess you'll find out if it's really cake or not."
Discussion: The trio jokes about the absurdity and unexpected twists within the story, highlighting its comedic failure to deliver genuine horror.

Quotes:
Shayne (63:46): "What if I'm cake?"
Amanda (63:52): "Help me. Wow."

The episode smoothly wraps up with the hosts maintaining their humorous rapport, ensuring listeners leave with smiles and a sense of camaraderie.

Quote:
Shayne (64:27): "She will leave. Okay. Bye."

Conclusion

Episode #101 of "Smosh Mouth" offers a delightful mix of humor and light-hearted critique as Shayne, Amanda, and Tommy navigate the realm of two sentence horror stories. Through engaging discussion, personal anecdotes, and playful banter, the trio highlights the charm and comedic potential of these short narratives. Whether dissecting poorly executed horror attempts or creating their own amusing stories, the hosts ensure an entertaining and memorable listen for their audience.

Transcript

[Shane]

Hi, welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane.

[Amanda]

And I'm Amanda. And we have a wonderful guest with us today. Tommy.

[Tommy]

I found myself sitting in a chair with two people, but then I found out it was Smoshmouth two Sentence Whore.

[Amanda]

Whoa, wait. Hey, Did I take offense to that?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

No. And I won't.

[Tommy]

Good.

[Amanda]

And I won't. Because I'm taking the high road.

[Tommy]

That's great.

[Amanda]

There you go.

[Shane]

But then it turns out the high road had the goblins.

[Tommy]

Oh. Two sentence horror.

[Amanda]

Two sentence horror.

[Shane]

Two sentence horror.

[Amanda]

Smashbox.

[Shane]

Today we're gonna be reading some two sentence horror stories. We haven't done this in a minute. We did it once.

[Amanda]

It's been a year.

[Shane]

It's been well over a year.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Tommy]

Wow.

[Shane]

We read these with Damian a long time ago. It was a blast.

[Amanda]

It was a blast.

[Shane]

But now there's been some time for more two sentence horror stories to accrue, and primarily some bad ones. So we're gonna be reading a bunch of those. And Tommy, you're joining us for.

[Tommy]

Thank you so much. I also like spooky things, so I feel.

[Amanda]

Yeah, you're a spooky guy.

[Tommy]

And may I say, I think two sentence horrors are almost always bad.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

I don't know if there's any that made me go, oh, that's spooky.

[Shane]

It's. No, I think there's some. Cause there's the classic that we read last time where it's like your mom calls for you up in the second story, and you're walking up the stairs, and then all of a sudden, you hear from the kitchen, no, don't go up there. I heard it too. Your mom's voice from the kitchen.

[Tommy]

So you don't know who's your mom?

[Shane]

It's like, what?

[Tommy]

That's decent.

[Shane]

There's none that are gonna be, like, actually scary, but it's kind of more like, ooh, a spooky thought. You know, like a good setup for a world or a story.

[Tommy]

Right. Oh, I forget this. This is, like, for, like, a younger brain, too, perhaps. Maybe I'm a jaded old man.

[Amanda]

You are.

[Shane]

It's all over the place. I think. I think it just depends on.

[Tommy]

I'm not a hater. I'm excited. This is gonna be great.

[Amanda]

I'm not excited. I'm not a jaded old man. I'm just a wonderful man.

[Tommy]

I'm a wonderful regular age man.

[Amanda]

You're regular? Aged regular. That's what my doctor said, and that's very good.

[Tommy]

I haven't been to the doctor in a year. That's not true. Oh, it's not true. Kind of true. What's up?

[Amanda]

Don't do that. Not good.

[Tommy]

Okay?

[Amanda]

I go to the doctor all the time.

[Tommy]

Well, you have a human baby inside.

[Amanda]

Because we're checking in on that. I'm like, what's that feeling? A foot. Okay. A foot in the ribs.

[Tommy]

Foot in the ribs. Oh, he's playing xylophone.

[Amanda]

Yeah, he is.

[Tommy]

Aw, cute. So cute.

[Shane]

What's been going on, guys? We have a little. Okay, so let me be honest. I. I accrued a bunch of bad $0.02.

[Amanda]

He's worried that it's not enough.

[Shane]

I'm worried that I don't have enough. That if we start reading them now, we're gonna run out.

[Amanda]

I get it.

[Shane]

And I'd rather talk now.

[Amanda]

What's the last horror movie you watched?

[Shane]

It kind of counts as a horror movie. Warfare. That a 24 week Iraq movie? Oh, yeah.

[Amanda]

Wait, the one with the kids running like this?

[Shane]

No, that's weapons.

[Amanda]

Oh, okay.

[Shane]

I was like talking about weapons. That movie looks scary.

[Tommy]

No, I want to see it so bad.

[Shane]

I want to see Bring Her Back. But I haven't seen it yet.

[Tommy]

I watched Bring Her Back.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

It's.

[Tommy]

Yes, it is.

[Shane]

I heard people say they loved it.

[Amanda]

You didn't like it.

[Tommy]

Okay, I didn't not like it. It's very contained, okay? It's very like. We have one set and you're like me.

[Amanda]

It's the bathtub.

[Tommy]

What?

[Amanda]

It's the kitchen. I mean, it's the bathroom. Isn't it all set in the bathroom?

[Shane]

It's the kfc.

[Tommy]

It's not all set in the bathroom. Okay, well, that's interesting though. I want to know what you're thinking about.

[Shane]

What the hell is going on?

[Tommy]

There's a movie called the Bath.

[Shane]

You're thinking of Bathroom.

[Amanda]

Isn't it the woman from Blue Jasmine? Don't worry about it.

[Tommy]

Yeah, maybe. Anyway, it's good. It's good. It is good. It's kind of got that like a friend of a friend was like, it made me cry again. And I was like, it made you cry Cry again again. I mean, there's some. It's like acty, if that makes sense. It's like drama acty with like a little bit of horror. Got it. But there's some things where it's like. I wish we explored that more. But instead we did like the. This is a human story as opposed to the like. Okay, well, you have a freak ass demon thing right there. Why aren't we talking about that? What about the horror guy?

[Shane]

Cause Bring Her Back's about grief, right?

[Tommy]

Yes.

[Shane]

Cause their previous movie, Talk to Me, is, like, one of my favorite horror movies.

[Tommy]

I love.

[Shane]

And Talk To Me is very clearly about drugs. Like, just very clearly about drugs. But I thought it was so awesome. I haven't seen it since I saw it in theaters, but that's probably one of my favorites. There's been some just banger horror movies. These past really good horror movies. That. And barbarian. I mean, dude.

[Amanda]

And then Long Legs came around, and you were like, all right.

[Tommy]

Long Legs was.

[Amanda]

Nic Cage did that.

[Tommy]

The trailer was so awesome.

[Amanda]

It was so awesome.

[Tommy]

They were like, you're gonna fucking freak out about this movie. And then I watched it, and I was like.

[Amanda]

And it's Nic Cage being like, no.

[Tommy]

The first half of the movie was like, we're not gonna let you see him. And then all of a sudden, they're just in the store and they're like, by the way, he looks like this. And he's like, hello.

[Shane]

I think I'm like, oh.

[Tommy]

He spent this whole time waiting. And then he's like, actually, I make dolls, and it's about demons.

[Amanda]

I don't know.

[Shane]

Yeah. Long Legs was.

[Amanda]

Well, I told you what happened to me at Long Legs. I went to go see it at the Vista, and I went by myself, which was great. A bold move, but I loved it. And I sat down and an old lady was sitting behind me. Right. No big deal. She was alone. She was alone. Oh, she had her mask. But it was here. She had a mask on. It was terrifying. No one's wearing masks really anymore. But it was here. She decided to get up, and the whole theater is pretty much open. And then sit. Sit next to me.

[Shane]

Yep.

[Amanda]

And the whole time, she kept turning her head to look at me.

[Tommy]

I. Oh, well, she's inspecting.

[Amanda]

Yes, this happened. And I looked at her, and she went and looked away.

[Tommy]

Oh, for about 10 minutes. Did you ever say, can I help you?

[Amanda]

I didn't say, can I help you. I was very close. And then she got up and went back to her seat.

[Tommy]

Maybe she thought you were her daughter.

[Amanda]

I don't know.

[Shane]

You know what's so weird is my daughter, on several occasions, I've seen movies by myself, and that shit has happened multiple times.

[Amanda]

Same old lady?

[Shane]

No, just like people. Another person comes and sits, and it'll be like an empty row, and they'll come and sit down next to you. And I've had this. A guy sat down next to me kind of was looking around, and then he got up and he moved away after that. And I was like, what the hell is going on?

[Tommy]

Y' all are doing solo movies Wrong.

[Amanda]

Wait, what are you doing?

[Tommy]

Okay, there's row one, row two, maybe row three up front. No one ever wants to sit there. Then there's, like, barricade. Row, row, row, row, row, row. Right. Your boat gently downstream right in front of the barricade. We've got our accessibility pockets, but then there's usually one or two seats that are solo there.

[Shane]

And you do those.

[Tommy]

You pop those when you go select, select purchase.

[Amanda]

Oh, I should do that.

[Tommy]

You do that. That's the solo one.

[Amanda]

The Vista didn't have that. The Vista is just, like, old school, right?

[Tommy]

So you're just sitting anywhere, and when.

[Amanda]

You go by yourself, it's always, like, an invitation. There's always that person that's like.

[Tommy]

But happens when you're solo, going somewhere. Usually people are like, who's that?

[Amanda]

But they don't normally say anything to you.

[Tommy]

Well, it's a movie theater.

[Shane]

Is it, like. Is it. Is there, like, a secret? Is there, like, a society of, like.

[Amanda]

Is this, like, what's going on here?

[Shane]

I got to know if, like, there's something that I'm missing here, that this is a way that people meet up or something. It's like. Like swingers or something where it's like, oh, well, you had the pineapple. It's like, well, I didn't.

[Amanda]

What?

[Shane]

I'm just sitting here alone.

[Amanda]

Do you think the old lady was hoping to take me home?

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Amanda]

She's like, you're my daughter. Nope.

[Tommy]

Nope. You can be a different kind of daughter.

[Amanda]

That's a horror movie.

[Shane]

But truly, I've seen. Maybe in my life. I've seen six movies by myself in theaters. Is it. Yeah, probably that.

[Tommy]

I saw Hereditary by myself.

[Amanda]

Oh, fun.

[Tommy]

That was incredible. And I saw Talk to Me By Myself. I've seen other ones by myself, but those are the two.

[Amanda]

Talk to Me Myself is scary, I would say.

[Tommy]

Yeah. I saw it twice in theaters.

[Shane]

I saw Talk to Me By Myself, technically, because I was there by myself. And then suddenly Luke and some other people came and sat in the row in front of me. Some co workers.

[Tommy]

Oh, got it here. So you were alone?

[Shane]

I was alone at first, but then I technically watched it with them. They just didn't know they were watching.

[Tommy]

Oh, that's. Did you have a horror movie?

[Amanda]

Did you tap their shoulder?

[Shane]

No, I waited till after the movie, then we talked.

[Amanda]

Waited until after the movie.

[Shane]

They walked in as the trailers were already like going. So like, it was like the movie was kind of starting.

[Tommy]

Respect the trailer.

[Shane]

Gonna chill here. Like I came to watch a booby by myself. I'm gonna chill here for you.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Tommy]

When you go to the movie theater. I'm sorry, I just remembered something and I'm really passionate about it.

[Amanda]

Love it.

[Tommy]

Some people go, the movie is listed to start at 9:15. I'm gonna leave my home at 9:15.

[Shane]

And I'm like, what? I hate them.

[Tommy]

I want to be in my chair with my giant sugar free root beer that I will drink, two of which is a two liter bottle. Basically.

[Amanda]

How do you not get up and pee?

[Tommy]

I do, but I run.

[Amanda]

I was gonna say no.

[Tommy]

How do you do you.

[Shane]

How do you.

[Tommy]

Movie theater. Do you get there way before and you sit and you know you're like on time and all that or are you like, I'm not gonna watch the previews. I don't care if I miss the first five minutes of the movie. No, sometimes all the exposition is in the first five minutes of the movie.

[Shane]

If I miss the first five minutes of a movie, I don't go leaving. I'm like, I've missed the movie.

[Tommy]

I went and saw the new Mission Impossible, which by the way, is one of the worst movies ever made.

[Amanda]

No, he did his own stunts again.

[Tommy]

It's hilarious.

[Shane]

Did you like the other Mission Impossibles?

[Tommy]

They were fine, but I. Whoa. But anyway, I was with my Luke and then we went and we showed up like 10 minutes into the movie and they were like, now we've got to go. And I'm like, go where? And so for 30 minutes we were like, I don't know what this movie's about.

[Amanda]

Why were you, why were you late?

[Tommy]

Because other people in the household wanted to leave when the movie started.

[Amanda]

You should have left them.

[Shane]

I would have said, I know. I would have said, no, I know. We're not doing that. Wait, that is shocking behavior.

[Amanda]

When the movie started or when the movie is listed to start.

[Shane]

Listed to start, that's when they leave.

[Tommy]

Cuz then it takes 22 minutes to get to the theater. Then I want to get my giant soda. Then we got to walk into the theater and sit down.

[Shane]

It's like their logic. What was their logic for leaving when the movie starts?

[Tommy]

Well, then they don't have to watch the previews.

[Amanda]

But the previews have a lot of previews.

[Shane]

I love trailers. James is nodding his head. James, where freak like that.

[Amanda]

James, are you a freak?

[Tommy]

Do you leave. I've timed the trailers. He's timed the trailers show up right before the movie.

[Shane]

And Alexina is agreeing with that. We have monsters in this room with us.

[Tommy]

Monsters. Monsters.

[Amanda]

I. I actually don't.

[Shane]

I love trailers. I love trailers at all.

[Amanda]

I don't respect you. I don't want to see you.

[Shane]

James. James. I do not trust you behind the cameras right now.

[Amanda]

Yeah. When we turn off the cameras.

[Shane]

Do not respect for cinematography. You are manning these cameras.

[Amanda]

This is awful. The previews are the best part. You want to get your seat cozy on up.

[Tommy]

Get cozy popcorn before the movie starts.

[Shane]

I get frustrated with how many trailers there are sometimes, but I like to be there for when the trailers start. I feel weird when the music's like. It's fun. It's part of the, like. Part of the thing I have.

[Tommy]

Getting there. Anxiety, you know, Like, I like to just be at the place that I want to be at.

[Amanda]

Me too.

[Tommy]

I don't like being late, if that.

[Amanda]

I hate it when you're trying to find parking.

[Tommy]

Oh, the parking is.

[Amanda]

And you're so stressed out and you're like, we're gonna miss the movie.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Amanda]

I won't go.

[Tommy]

It is a story set in time for one chunk of time. You're gonna miss part of the story. It's storytelling.

[Amanda]

Yes. And the opening is, like, the most vital part.

[Shane]

I wonder if it's an LA thing, because I do think in LA people are late. People are late to a lot of. In la.

[Amanda]

Pisses me off when people are wondering.

[Shane]

I wonder if people listening or watching this from other states or countries are gonna be like, who does that? But it's, like, common in la.

[Tommy]

Yeah. That's like.

[Shane]

It's also just common in LA to be like, oh, we're having this. This thing, this dinner, this. This lunch, this whatever. It's like people are gonna show up 45 minutes late.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, that's just kind of a normal thing.

[Amanda]

And that's so interesting to me. It's like being late to, like, events. Okay, I can understand. But being late to a movie, like, missing 15 minutes.

[Tommy]

That's what I mean. I'll show up too late to an event because they'll expect people to show up.

[Shane]

You know, it's a window.

[Amanda]

Right.

[Shane]

There's some things that are a window. A movie starts at a time and that story's beginning, and if you miss five minutes, you. You don't know what's going on.

[Amanda]

I'm friends with those people anymore.

[Shane]

People just don't care about the movies. That much.

[Tommy]

I think that's kind of the.

[Shane]

I don't think they like movies that much. They're there to just, like, be there with friends.

[Amanda]

That's really hard for me to handle.

[Tommy]

James hates movies. I've never been late to the movie. So James. James has actually timed it out expertly. I'm with people that have not done that.

[Shane]

Okay, well, to be fair, Alexina works production. She knows how to time things out.

[Tommy]

That's.

[Shane]

You're with people who are.

[Tommy]

Winging it.

[Shane]

They're winging it.

[Tommy]

Winging it.

[Amanda]

No, no, I don't hang out with those people anymore. They're excommunicated from my life. Let's be real, like, no, no, no, no, no. We don't go or. I say, fuck off. I'm going in there.

[Tommy]

Right?

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Tommy]

Yes.

[Amanda]

If you go to the movies and you saw a couple or people who also went to the movies and you're. And you know them, you're like, oh, my God, it's so good to see you. But you weren't planning on it. Do you guys then sit together or.

[Shane]

You go, oh, well, most of the time there's reserved seats.

[Amanda]

Imagine if there wasn't.

[Tommy]

You're gonna sit and watch a movie anyway, and you're not gonna listen if it's a horrible, horrible movie. I love going over and be like, this guy's gonna die. You know, Like, I love being like, who the fuck's that guy? But if it's just like, a couple, and then it's you and maybe you and someone else, it's like, we're just gonna sit there and watch this anyway.

[Amanda]

Do you kind of.

[Tommy]

Do you like, assume and then, like, I'd chat and Especially if we're here early, before the movie.

[Amanda]

Yeah, we'll chat for a bit.

[Tommy]

And then I'll be like, okay, let's debrief after, you know, and then we go and sit and watch and then.

[Amanda]

Come out and do your own thing. Yeah, okay.

[Shane]

Yeah, cool.

[Tommy]

What about you? Do you. Are you like, let's sit together? No.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I'm the same way. But I think I saw. This was years ago. I saw friends, and I felt like they were mad at me. And maybe that was just. I don't know, because I really wanted to sit in this spot. They're like, oh, we'll see you in there. Come sit with us.

[Shane]

No. And I went, you got your spot.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah. And I got really overwhelmed by it, and I was like, oh, no, Amanda, what are you doing? And Guardia was like, it doesn't matter. Let's just sit with them. And I was like, but I don't know where they're sitting. It's got to be a specific spot. And then we walked in, and they were not sitting in the place I wanted to sit.

[Shane]

Were they sitting, like, far in the back?

[Amanda]

They were sitting far in the back. And I don't like that.

[Shane]

I don't like that.

[Amanda]

I like middle center.

[Shane]

Yeah, middle center.

[Amanda]

Middle center.

[Tommy]

You're in the movie theater. You want it to be big.

[Amanda]

You want it to be big.

[Tommy]

You don't want to be up front going like, whoa.

[Amanda]

Hey.

[Tommy]

Right?

[Amanda]

So I didn't sit with them. And then after, they were like, did you like the movie? Like. And I was like, oh, no. Are we done? Is this over?

[Tommy]

It's over. You're gonna excommunicate.

[Amanda]

It's a real thing that I still think about.

[Tommy]

I will say I am an aisle, not a center, but that's because I've got to pee. Half of a 2 liter owl.

[Shane]

See, I. I am mathematical about how much water I drink. I don't drink soda because that'll make me pee.

[Amanda]

Same.

[Shane]

So I get a bottle of water, and I'm like, timing it out that I'm like, okay. I'm making sure that I'm not.

[Tommy]

We.

[Shane]

We have the same exact movie. Middle center. No, I'm. I'm an H or a G aisle for sure. Every time.

[Amanda]

H or g, my H.13.

[Shane]

Come on. Every time.

[Amanda]

Anyone can snag you. Anyone can grab your leg.

[Tommy]

I'm not getting snatched.

[Amanda]

What?

[Tommy]

I've gotta pee.

[Amanda]

And you can walk by you and snatch you up.

[Shane]

Okay, this is where we're different here. I don't know what's going on.

[Amanda]

No, you don't sit in the aisle. It's just.

[Tommy]

And you bring someone with you. So you run to the bathroom and you come back and you go, what happened?

[Shane]

I'd be so pissed.

[Amanda]

I hold it.

[Shane]

I'm not telling you. They're on the mission, and it's impossible.

[Tommy]

It's impossible.

[Amanda]

And he does his own stunts.

[Shane]

What do you get? You just get a bottle of water.

[Amanda]

I just get a bottle of water. Or I get, like, the cup and I get the free water. And then sometimes I put soda water and I don't tell them. You know what I'm saying?

[Tommy]

Oh, bad girl.

[Shane]

Oh, crazy.

[Amanda]

And I literally sip it throughout the whole movie so I don't go overboard, because I don't. I do not like leaving and peeing. No, thank you.

[Shane]

Oh, I don't either.

[Tommy]

It's not that big.

[Shane]

I am not leaving.

[Amanda]

So I will sit there with a diaper for the whole.

[Shane]

I'm just saying.

[Amanda]

I'm not wearing a diaper. I'll just let it go through the seat.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's what they're built for.

[Tommy]

Human.

[Shane]

Built for that.

[Amanda]

They're built for that.

[Shane]

They can handle that.

[Tommy]

Not expecting you to say that. That's awesome.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

Do we want to read two sentence horror stories?

[Amanda]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Tommy]

Feel more secure about it.

[Shane]

I pulled up the Reddit. Yeah. Feel a little more secure.

[Amanda]

Cared enough, crude enough.

[Shane]

I found one from. This is from like a. Roughly a year ago, not quite a year ago. This is a good one. This one was this, like, popular on the two sentence horror subreddit.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

And for those who don't know, 2 cents. Horror is a subreddit on Reddit where people submit two sentence horror stories. This one was written by a user named this is not Chicken. They wrote in quotations. Please God, don't let it look in the closet. I silently prayed, please, God, don't let it look in the closet. It parroted back from the next room. See, so like, it's spooky. Like, that's like a monster was like in their house and it could hear.

[Amanda]

Their thoughts and it repeated it.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Did you get it?

[Tommy]

No, I didn't. I mean, I guess I got it. I was like, wait, is. Does that mean that the monster's hiding from him too and we don't know who the monster is?

[Amanda]

I think the monster could have killed it.

[Shane]

It makes you think.

[Tommy]

May I say I could have used a third sentence on that one.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I wish. Yeah, I wish you found some third cat.

[Tommy]

I wish you found some. Three sentences.

[Shane]

I have another two sentence.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

I tucked my child into bed and as I turned to leave, they said, daddy, I think there is someone in my closet. When I opened the door to check, I only found an empty closet and a note pinned to the inside written in my handwriting. She isn't real.

[Tommy]

That was three sentences, wasn't it?

[Amanda]

That was a run on.

[Shane]

No, that's a. That's a. That's a semicolon.

[Tommy]

Can I see?

[Amanda]

That's a long two sentence, but I like it.

[Shane]

Okay, it's basically, it's kind of like.

[Tommy]

There'S a lot rhythm.

[Shane]

It's three sentences.

[Tommy]

Sorry. And what was the ending there?

[Shane]

She isn't real.

[Amanda]

Which means the mom was taken to another portal, another dimension, and the demon is now the mom at this time. Am I right?

[Shane]

No, no, no, I think. I think it's. It's. The daughter's not real. The daughter's in bed saying there's a monster in the closet. He checks the closet and there's a note that he wrote saying she's. She isn't real.

[Amanda]

He wrote it himself.

[Shane]

It's in his handwriting. That's what he said.

[Amanda]

So he has to remind himself.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I guess I like that one.

[Amanda]

I don't.

[Tommy]

I'm gonna say, I think I like that one.

[Shane]

Now we're gonna read these bad two sentence horrors and decide these are better. Well, there's others. I just wanted to prime us with some good ones.

[Amanda]

I love it.

[Shane]

So, okay, we come to theaters. Here we go.

[Tommy]

To cry.

[Amanda]

To cry.

[Shane]

And although these are. These are bad. I. I should just say trigger warning. It's. Of course these are scary.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Or. Or dark subjects.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

These are edgy. These are people. I think the funniest bad two sentence horrors are when you can tell it's like a teenage dude who is like, I'm going to write something so fucked up. And it's just horribly executed.

[Tommy]

If you are triggered by mediocrity, Please turn off the podcast now.

[Shane]

We have zero listeners.

[Tommy]

They've all turned the podcast off.

[Shane]

Okay, this one's really bad. Some of these, you can tell they were like. They're being silly. Some of them, I don't know, being the.

[Tommy]

Trying to be.

[Shane]

I think that's what we have to determine.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Shane]

Which ones do we think the person was trying.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

To actually be scared. I love that first one. My boyfriend never wanted to take me out fishing until I turned into a worm.

[Tommy]

Oh, God.

[Shane]

They're being a little silly on that one.

[Tommy]

You know that meme there. That. That meme.

[Amanda]

You know, I don't of like, the.

[Tommy]

Would you love me if I was a worm?

[Amanda]

No.

[Tommy]

No. There was a meme going around. Okay, I love this. I get to be the teacher this time. There was a meme going around of, like, girl girlfriends being, like, asking their boyfriends, like, would you love me if I was a worm? And, like, just to test how much they love them. Like that. That was kind of like the joke. And then it kept evolving where, you know, whatever. So this just shows that he didn't love her.

[Amanda]

Well, I don't think I would love my partner if they were a worm. That would be really hard to, like, you know, have sex.

[Tommy]

Yeah. What if they were a big worm?

[Shane]

Really big worm.

[Amanda]

I don't think I'm into that. Guys, I don't want this.

[Tommy]

They kind of look. Dry him off. Dry the worm off.

[Amanda]

I'm gonna towel the worm down.

[Tommy]

Yeah, let him roll around in the towel. All right, let's do one of these. Yeah.

[Amanda]

And then he just. What? What happens?

[Tommy]

It looks the same. I mean, it feels the same if you're not looking at it.

[Amanda]

How do I get him in the car? See, I think these.

[Tommy]

I'm in a big bag, like a little dog.

[Amanda]

And a tote. Yeah.

[Tommy]

Tote around.

[Amanda]

You'd have to be really funny and fun. I don't think I can have a good personality.

[Tommy]

Jane. Jane. Next one.

[Shane]

Okay. One could argue this is actually good, but this was. I found this under like, bad two sentence horror. Like Twitter. There's an old bit of folklore that says shivers are caused when someone steps on your future gravesite. I'd always dismissed it as just that until I noticed that I couldn't stop shaking whenever my new neighbor was out gardening. I think that was actually good because.

[Amanda]

The neighbor kills them.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And then buries them in their yard.

[Shane]

Okay, here's another. These are. These are so. It's like.

[Amanda]

It's okay. I love watching your response.

[Shane]

Here's. Here's.

[Tommy]

It's never not going to be all right.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

There's a guy in my class that could only answer 10 to any questions he's asked. One day, one of my classmate went missing and he now say 11.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. That's. Oh, my.

[Shane]

It's. It's so. You cannot. You cannot do spelling mistakes like. Or grammar.

[Tommy]

You only have two sentences.

[Amanda]

You can't screw up. You can't.

[Shane]

You gotta spell check.

[Tommy]

It's two sentences, you know, say 11.

[Amanda]

Holy shit.

[Shane]

So one day, one of my classmate went missing, and now he say 11.

[Amanda]

And now he say 11. This. I think this person wrote this.

[Tommy]

For real?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

This person was like, this is gonna break the Internet. Yes.

[Shane]

People are gonna lose their world.

[Amanda]

And now he say 11.

[Shane]

And now he say 11. From the twisted mind. Well, we found Tommy's favorite.

[Amanda]

Oh, that's so funny. I love Tommy's laugh so much.

[Tommy]

Oh, he said 11. Okay.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Tommy's laugh is like this beautiful whale. It's like a wailing woman.

[Tommy]

Shut up.

[Amanda]

And I love it so deeply.

[Tommy]

I have different laughs depending on how hard you got me.

[Amanda]

It's true.

[Tommy]

You really do.

[Shane]

Is that. Is that the. That's the. I feel like that was close to the peak there. Yeah. Now you say it.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

All right. This one's ridiculous. My precious toddler who has just learned to speak. Daddy, please Stop hitting. Mom turns into evil toddler without me.

[Amanda]

No, I hate that one.

[Tommy]

What?

[Amanda]

That one is so dumb.

[Tommy]

Toddler turns into evil toddler without me.

[Shane]

Without me.

[Amanda]

That one was, like, not the best.

[Tommy]

So who's the hero in this story? Mom. That sucks.

[Shane]

Just. There's no winners.

[Amanda]

She's getting beat by her son and husband. Toddler Her Tod. Come here, Mommy. Get the belt.

[Shane]

Okay. I think this one. This one might be my favorite.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

When we started dating, I didn't notice anything unusual about my partner. But then one day, suddenly, horses weren't called horses anymore.

[Tommy]

Sorry.

[Amanda]

I'm so sorry. Are we. Is that it?

[Shane]

That's.

[Tommy]

What does that mean?

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Amanda]

Wait.

[Shane]

When we started dating, I didn't notice anything unusual about my partner. But then one day, suddenly, horses weren't called horses anymore. Horses weren't called horses anymore.

[Tommy]

Does that mean he's dating a horse?

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Tommy]

Does that.

[Shane]

See? Isn't that scary?

[Tommy]

We don't know what's going on.

[Amanda]

Suddenly, horses aren't called horses anymore.

[Shane]

Hey. It happens.

[Tommy]

Horses.

[Shane]

Hey. Oh, speaking of hey, this next one. This one is really scary. Boy, I am enjoying this sunny day. I hate that I'm allergic to grain, though. I said to my friend, then the grain rain started.

[Tommy]

Oh, dear.

[Amanda]

I don't like this person.

[Tommy]

The grain rain.

[Shane]

The grain rain.

[Tommy]

Someone's at the back of the bus and it, like. It's like bouncing around and it bounces really hard. And he hits his head on the fucking ceiling of the bus and he's like, grain rain. I got it. Grain rain.

[Shane]

Grain rain.

[Amanda]

What?

[Tommy]

He presses submit on the 11 story. And he's like. He's like. He's like, I got another one. I got another one. I've got another gray and rain.

[Amanda]

Oh, no, these are bad.

[Tommy]

Oh, my goodness.

[Shane]

As I stuck my dick into the glory hole.

[Tommy]

Okay, I'm in love with this one so far.

[Amanda]

I love it.

[Shane]

As I stuck my dick into the glory hole, I forgot to read the sign. It was the penis explosion chamber.

[Amanda]

First of all, he used dick and penis in the same two sentences. I don't know about this.

[Shane]

I know you gotta make a choice.

[Tommy]

A penis explosion.

[Shane]

Penis explosion chamber.

[Amanda]

So have you guys run into those?

[Shane]

Yeah, they have them.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And how do they explode?

[Shane]

What happens?

[Tommy]

The Eagle's got a lot of explosion chambers.

[Amanda]

Oh, the eagles.

[Tommy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Eagle. Okay.

[Amanda]

Is that the gay bar?

[Shane]

That's gay.

[Tommy]

It's a gay bar. I know.

[Shane]

It was a good band.

[Tommy]

The leather bar.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

It's Insane.

[Amanda]

I'd love to go that.

[Tommy]

You should. You should bring the baby.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. I would love that.

[Tommy]

There's a baby. Explosion.

[Shane]

Explosion chamber.

[Tommy]

Okay, okay.

[Shane]

All right.

[Tommy]

These are exceptionally awful.

[Shane]

This one's dumb. The man had the option between counting to 1 billion or 10 years in prison for his punishment. It was only after 20 years, when he had lost count, that he realized his mistakes.

[Amanda]

Oh, God.

[Shane]

Cause it took him and that man, Mr. Beast.

[Amanda]

Oh, he hates you. So it took him 20 years to count to a billion, but he could have served 10, right?

[Tommy]

And then he lost count, so he had to start over, I guess. Oh, wow. That's so dark. The Count of Monte Cristo starring Tony Khan.

[Shane]

That's what it's about. I read that book, Alexandre Dumas.

[Amanda]

Yeah. The Count of Monte Cristo.

[Shane]

And he counts. He counts. That's why it's so long.

[Amanda]

I know.

[Shane]

Because he's counting.

[Amanda]

They have a new movie coming out. Did you know that?

[Tommy]

What?

[Amanda]

What?

[Shane]

Well, here's what's coming. Is this next. This next two sentence horror story.

[Amanda]

I cannot wait.

[Shane]

And it goes. I come in the sink. It does not stop. I sink in the cum.

[Amanda]

Whoa. How is he getting his body in that sink?

[Tommy]

Oh, where is he?

[Amanda]

Sinking to the bottom.

[Shane]

This is going.

[Amanda]

I come in.

[Shane]

I come in the sink.

[Amanda]

I sink in the come. These guys. These. No, these are.

[Tommy]

This is really awful. That one has to be a bit.

[Amanda]

That one has to be like.

[Shane]

I think that one's a bit. I think this next one's a bit. Bird 1. Oh. Bird 2. Don't worry, he only has one stone.

[Amanda]

Killed two birds with one stone.

[Tommy]

Very good, very good. That one actually crushed. That's awesome.

[Amanda]

I love that.

[Shane]

Can anything beat 11? We gotta see. That might be the piece.

[Tommy]

Funniest thing.

[Shane]

We're gonna see if something can beat it. As they soaked my legs in salt water, I thought, this isn't a very effective way to torture someone. Until they brought in the goat.

[Tommy]

Sorry, what? And why are we laughing? What did I miss?

[Amanda]

I'm sorry, what?

[Shane]

So Spencer told me that apparently there's a meme made out of this two sentence where it's like. And then they brought in the goat, and it's a photo of LeBron walking. Oh, that's h. But wait, how does goats like salt? So they're gonna. It's gonna lick your legs.

[Amanda]

And why is that torture?

[Tommy]

Is it known that goats like salt? It's just like a thing.

[Shane]

I think, like, animals like salt licks and stuff. Like, they just.

[Tommy]

Sure.

[Amanda]

Animals like salt Licks.

[Tommy]

Okay. Ever saw where I was growing on a farm?

[Amanda]

Also, why is it torture that your legs are soaked in salt?

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Tommy]

Sounds like torture to me.

[Shane]

You gotta get in the jacuzzi.

[Amanda]

What's happening?

[Tommy]

I thought it was gonna like spray its milk in the water and turn into cheese or something. And they're like, I hate goat cheese. 2 cents.

[Amanda]

Or that's how cheap go cheese is made.

[Tommy]

I don't know.

[Amanda]

See, sentences like that make me feel like I'm tripping.

[Tommy]

Yeah, right?

[Amanda]

No, not a good way. You know, we were like, oh, I.

[Tommy]

Don'T understand English right.

[Amanda]

Yeah. When you get out of a conversation with someone who's a little, you know, it's a little interesting. And you're like, what?

[Tommy]

You're like, what happened there?

[Shane]

You're like, yeah, for my first wish, he said, I want to be a girl. Then his penis exploded.

[Tommy]

Oh, he went to the chamber.

[Amanda]

Is this the same guy?

[Shane]

Probably the same guy.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I went to the chamber.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Penis explained in the glory hole.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

She went in the penis explosion chamber.

[Amanda]

In the penis explosion chamber.

[Shane]

And I think.

[Tommy]

And I think we should tell trans stories on these podcasts.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.

[Shane]

We're only at 30 minutes.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Did you accrue enough? That's the horror that's happening.

[Tommy]

Stop.

[Shane]

We actually have so many.

[Tommy]

Okay, okay.

[Shane]

We're actually good. We're actually good.

[Amanda]

Oh, good.

[Tommy]

Okay. We vamped enough up top.

[Shane]

This morning I woke up left handed. I just want to go home. Someone replied to that one. They just said, what?

[Tommy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Amanda]

This morning I woke up left handed. I just want to go home.

[Shane]

I just want to go home.

[Tommy]

When you wake up in the right.

[Shane]

Handed prison, in the hand. Explosion chamber.

[Tommy]

Explosion chamber.

[Shane]

Someone wrote as I sucked his cock.

[Tommy]

Okay, okay.

[Shane]

It sucked back.

[Amanda]

How?

[Shane]

I'm just reading what I found. Okay.

[Amanda]

You wrote this? Okay, hold on.

[Shane]

And I'm like. You could tell which ones I wrote? Cause I'm like, what'd you guys think of that one?

[Amanda]

The comments were actually pretty positive, which was cool. Very supportive.

[Tommy]

They keep that dick at the hospital in case you like, you know, take the wrong. They gotta pump your stomach, like, open up.

[Amanda]

Oh.

[Shane]

Oh, no. It's a two sentence horror.

[Amanda]

I love it. I love it.

[Shane]

They say you only die when you're forgotten. I lie in my coffin as I have for the last 1000 years, waiting for the sweet release of death. I wish I had never cured cancer.

[Tommy]

Okay, you're. You can't make a horror story out of Curing cancer.

[Shane]

Sorry. But because he's not forgotten because he cured cancer, so everyone knows.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Who they are.

[Tommy]

Oh, isn't that horrific? To think that cancer is cured.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. And for him to be in a coffin. I will say, I do not want to be in a coffin alive.

[Tommy]

Oh, no. Being buried alive is my job. Yeah.

[Shane]

No, nobody.

[Amanda]

I don't want to do that. No.

[Shane]

That's terrifying.

[Amanda]

I mean, you know, I feel like they did those on shows, like, back in the day, like Fear Factor. I don't want that. They did on. Remember when they did on Traders recently? And they put them in the coffin.

[Shane]

Okay. But they're not buried. They're just in a coffin.

[Amanda]

It doesn't matter.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Because then you're just on. Yeah. I'm claustrophobic. So, like, anything that's like. That really, like, upsets me. But then I'm thinking, like, if I'm buried in a. You're gonna run out of oxygen at some point.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

I guess the most uncomfortable part is gonna be like, shitting and pissing your pants and then being stuck in the shit and piss with your. In your box.

[Shane]

They dig it up there. Like, how is this filled? This is filled to the brim with shit.

[Tommy]

I shat in the box, then the box shat in me.

[Shane]

How did he have so much shit? He filled up the coffin.

[Tommy]

I drown in my cummin.

[Shane]

I think this person was genuinely trying to be scary.

[Tommy]

Okay, let's do it.

[Shane]

My first mistake was ignoring the report of vampires in the city. My second mistake was buying that all are welcome doormat.

[Amanda]

Oh, because vampires have to be invited in.

[Shane]

We've seen sinners.

[Amanda]

Yeah. We've seen. Seen.

[Tommy]

I love seniors.

[Amanda]

I love seniors.

[Shane]

My friends never understood why, despite my vast wealth, I was terrified of large women carrying baskets. The origin of my phobia is that a cursed day from my childhood when my little brother was stolen away in the basket of a horrible ogress, never to be seen again.

[Amanda]

That was your Aunt Christie. She was visiting. You bastard.

[Shane]

That's like. Those are the two longest sentences ever.

[Tommy]

Also so specific of an ogress.

[Shane]

Okay, this one's ridiculous. We can cut this one. I think it's really funny.

[Amanda]

Oh, boy.

[Shane]

Okay. I went into my first day as a police officer happy as could be. Then they gave me the racism injection.

[Amanda]

Oh. Oh, my heaven Lord.

[Tommy]

Oh, my God.

[Amanda]

Oh, no.

[Shane]

So that's how it explains it.

[Amanda]

This person wrote this feeling really good. They're like, this is a movie.

[Shane]

This is how it goes.

[Tommy]

Like.

[Amanda]

Like, this is that Plot to a movie. Check that.

[Tommy]

Oh, my God.

[Amanda]

God.

[Tommy]

Jesus. So stupid bad.

[Shane]

This is. I read this last time.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

This might be my favorite two sentence horror. I love this one so much. Hey, I said this last time, and I just wanted to bring this one back.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

I didn't know where the muffled screams were coming from until I lifted bun of my burger. That's when I saw that the patty was actually meat men. I love it.

[Amanda]

Did he say lifted bun of my burger?

[Shane]

And it turns out the burger was actually meat men.

[Tommy]

Meat man.

[Amanda]

This is my brain. I. I'm on another planet.

[Tommy]

I need to break this down as the patty made of men.

[Shane]

It's made of meat men.

[Tommy]

So they're screaming.

[Shane]

They're screaming meat.

[Tommy]

They're little men.

[Shane]

That have made.

[Amanda]

Oh, I hate that. I actually really hate.

[Tommy]

Actually very scary.

[Amanda]

Really, really scary.

[Tommy]

This is actually the best one I've ever heard.

[Amanda]

This is actually the best ever heard.

[Tommy]

God, the thinking about meat men makes me want to scream.

[Shane]

Meat men and the creature are like the two legends of two sentence horror.

[Amanda]

I don't remember the creature.

[Shane]

Oh, the creature.

[Tommy]

The creature.

[Shane]

The creature. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Do you remember it off the top of your head?

[Tommy]

Well, there's just.

[Shane]

There's a lot of stories that have to do with the creature. You know, it's like. Oh, like people are enjoying their cereal. They didn't know that I got the milk from my creature.

[Tommy]

Oh.

[Amanda]

Oh, not.

[Shane]

It's not a penis. It's a. It's a creature.

[Amanda]

No, you said it was a penis.

[Shane]

I know, but I didn't want you to just, like, infer that that's what.

[Amanda]

You thought, that you thought that it was a penis right away when no one even mentioned it.

[Shane]

All right, all right, next story at this. At the zoo, the child fell over the railing and into the lion's den. The crowd screamed, and the child's mother watched in silent terror as the child unhinged their jaw to swallow the lion whole.

[Tommy]

Okay, so a reverse haram.

[Amanda]

Yeah, a verse. A reverse harambe.

[Shane]

You ready for this next one?

[Tommy]

No response from him.

[Shane]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, no, I heard.

[Amanda]

No, he heard. That was good.

[Shane]

That was.

[Amanda]

Chose to ignore it.

[Shane]

Funny.

[Tommy]

Yeah, no, that's good.

[Amanda]

No, he doesn't care.

[Shane]

We're not even halfway through these stories, so that's a.

[Tommy]

That's.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Am I right?

[Tommy]

Go for it.

[Shane]

I was so surprised when my wife told me she was pregnant. We had been the only two left after the apocalypse a few years back. And we were lesbians.

[Amanda]

Oh, no.

[Shane]

Someone wrote that and they Were like.

[Amanda]

Fuck, get a donor.

[Shane]

So the apocalypse happened. They're the only two left.

[Tommy]

So it's immaculate conception or she cheated on her.

[Shane]

But the apocalypse happened. They're the only two left.

[Amanda]

Oh, wait, they already had a kid.

[Shane]

No, no.

[Amanda]

Oh, so they're never going to have a kid.

[Shane]

She's pregnant. Is that scary?

[Tommy]

Who did that?

[Amanda]

Uh, oh, Somebody's lying. Right?

[Tommy]

That's what I'm saying.

[Amanda]

There's a guy hidden somewhere, right? There's a little sperm here. Hidden.

[Tommy]

I'm trying to find where the horror is.

[Shane]

I don't even know.

[Amanda]

Ugh. Could you imagine?

[Shane]

I don't think the person writing it knew.

[Amanda]

No, they didn't. They were just. They wrote the word lesbians and they.

[Shane]

Were like, got him, got him. Want to sit on that bench? I asked her after a wonderful park date. No, not there. That is where I was murdered. She replied, she's a ghost. She's a ghost.

[Amanda]

I love this Hallmark movie.

[Tommy]

That's. That's fun.

[Amanda]

Where she follows them around and then at the end she goes, bye. And he goes, oh, did you see that little girl, like, hanging out with us? And it was like, what little girl? You mean this one who's been dead for 10 years?

[Tommy]

He has the picture.

[Shane]

He has the photo in his pocket.

[Amanda]

Yeah. It's a really nice frame.

[Shane]

I think this next one, I think this one, they were trying to be genuinely scary.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

I think it's pretty good.

[Tommy]

Okay. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

Our town's population sign says 1 million. That number is strictly maintained.

[Tommy]

Oh, that's fun. That's a. That's a fun beginning of a. Like a plot that sets it up.

[Amanda]

That means that they go over 1 million.

[Shane]

They do a purge. They do a purge every now and then.

[Tommy]

Whoa. Or they turn them into the food.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

You know, or it's like that one movie, this their book. I think it's the Seer or something where they, like, have the one person, like, see what humanity used to be or whatever.

[Shane]

The Giver.

[Tommy]

The giver.

[Amanda]

Giver.

[Tommy]

Yeah. That's pretty good.

[Amanda]

Seer.

[Tommy]

See, you're the giver, you know.

[Amanda]

Wow. So it all started with this.

[Tommy]

Wow.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Tommy]

You know, the authors read that.

[Shane]

Idea.

[Amanda]

Do you think. Do you think authors and like, horror directors get their ideas from subreddit?

[Shane]

It's actually very possible you were really happy with that. I mean, some creepypastas have been turned into movies and stuff, so.

[Amanda]

Slenderman.

[Shane]

Slenderman and other things.

[Amanda]

Do you think that person got credit who created Sun?

[Shane]

I don't know. Because some of them Are kind of like anonymous.

[Tommy]

When you create like an Internet like creature thing, you like kind of lose your.

[Shane]

Unless you are the one who make the thing out of it. And that's happened. Some people have taken their stories like pen pal. I think got turned into a book and it was by the person who wrote it on the Internet. They turned.

[Tommy]

Okay, okay, well, that's.

[Shane]

You got to do it before Hollywood steals it from you.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Snatch.

[Shane]

The two boys and their sister counted the money in their piggy banks and it was $6. Will the assassin on the dark web agree to kill Daddy for $6? Asked the youngest. What? Okay, so they're sick about that.

[Tommy]

I thought, I thought the dad was gonna be like held hostage and like, we gotta save him for six.

[Amanda]

No, they want to kill daddy.

[Shane]

They want to kill daddy. On the dark web, kitties kill daddy. These six year olds are on the dark web.

[Amanda]

Should I tell them that $6 won't even cut clothes?

[Shane]

I won't do it.

[Tommy]

Maybe if there's assassin, it's another kid.

[Shane]

Who'S really cheap Dollars budget assassin.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. That's the sickest idea ever. Keep it.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. I'm gonna write that down with a comedy.

[Amanda]

Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg. Get him.

[Shane]

It's gonna be a hand.

[Amanda]

Star power.

[Shane]

For my second wish, I wish all blind people can see. But if only they pay monthly subscription to me. My first wish was to make everyone in the world go blind.

[Tommy]

Okay. Black mirror.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. I was just gonna say that.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Did you see the first black mirror of this new season?

[Tommy]

Okay, I saw they're all one off, so I just like hopped around if the premise seemed good.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Was this the one with Rashida Jones? I did watch that.

[Shane]

That one was sad. Yeah, that was so sad.

[Amanda]

Her name was Amanda.

[Shane]

It was a really good one, but it was so sad. I was like, I don't want to be bummed out right now.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I watched that on the treadmill, so that's not okay.

[Shane]

People are like, why is he crying while he's running?

[Tommy]

I was just like, man, this sucks. You're watching 15 Incline.

[Shane]

15 Incline. I'm like, you're going straight.

[Amanda]

God.

[Shane]

You're just hanging. You're doing pull ups.

[Amanda]

God.

[Shane]

Okay, this next one. Okay, check this one out. Oh, don't worry. Amanda was picked up by her aunt an hour ago. Neither me nor my husband have a sister.

[Amanda]

What? Don't even get it.

[Tommy]

Oh, so this is just a. Amanda got kidnapped.

[Shane]

She got kidnapped.

[Amanda]

I don't want to Hear that?

[Tommy]

Don't worry. You're not gonna. You're not sitting on the aisle. You're not gonna get kidnapped.

[Amanda]

No, that's not.

[Tommy]

You're sitting in the center of the movie.

[Amanda]

I'm not sitting on the aisle. I don't. I don't want to get snatched.

[Tommy]

You're not gonna get snatched.

[Amanda]

Or someone tickled my back of my leg. That happens at movies. I hear.

[Tommy]

This isn't. People go, Bugs Life 4D. You're not gonna get. You're not gonna get tickled in the back. God. When the little. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Amanda]

Bugs Life 4D.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Or whatever. 5D. Whatever.

[Amanda]

No, I don't remember.

[Tommy]

It's like a Disney. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Shane]

What are you talking about?

[Tommy]

The Disney. The Disney. The Bug's Life movie. Movie. It wasn't a ride. It was like a cine movie. Okay. Yeah. At Disney World, there was like a Bug's Life thing.

[Shane]

And then they would.

[Tommy]

You'd get like, yeah, they had a stinger come and poke your fucking bed. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Didn't experience. Yeah, right. That's terrible, isn't there?

[Tommy]

And I hate. Every time I would.

[Shane]

I would watch comes out of your seat and punches you in the face.

[Tommy]

I'd sit like this as a kid to avoid the stinger.

[Shane]

It's terrifying.

[Tommy]

Anyway, there was that.

[Shane]

That mess up your back.

[Tommy]

The original alien thing before they turned it into stitch with the.

[Amanda]

At Disney World in Florida.

[Tommy]

That's issue.

[Shane]

I saw footage of that. That is messed up.

[Tommy]

And my mom's like, let's go on it. Anyway, it was horrific back in the.

[Shane]

90S when Disney World used to try to kill you.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Your mom is Long legs. That's a bummer.

[Shane]

I love. I actually love the setup of this one.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

I love this.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

I fainted when the teacher told me that a man named Mr. Adam came to pick up my son. Mr. Adam is the name my son gave to a background character who disappeared from the painting in my house two hours ago.

[Amanda]

Okay. I actually. I do actually like that.

[Shane]

I like a figure in a painting being gone. Suddenly your son starts to say, like, oh, yeah, I saw him. It's like, what? That actually gives me the spooks. I'm like, ooh.

[Tommy]

The ones that are good, like, are the setup to something that could be more actually interesting. But I like that. That's good.

[Amanda]

I like that. I really like horror movies where the kid says something that's like, did you see him? And it's like, See who? The guy in the painting.

[Tommy]

And you're like, yeah, I've got good news for you. That's about half of all horror movies. As a kid saying something.

[Amanda]

Love it.

[Tommy]

When I was babysitting yesterday, I was A little part of me was like, I hope you don't talk to anyone that's not actually there, because I'm gonna freak out a little bit.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

My. My niece and nephew did. My niece, before my. My. My first niece, my goddaughter, before she would go to bed was go, will you please check the closet? The witch is in there. I'm not kidding.

[Tommy]

And.

[Amanda]

And me being that person was like, okay, I really don't want to. And I would look in. There was nothing there. And then I learned that her dad, to scare her once was like, don't go running down there. There's a donkey and a witch. And he just said it. And that's why. Oh.

[Shane]

And now she's scarred for life.

[Amanda]

And my mom would, like, do this thing where she was like, you gotta take the donkey out of the room before you tuck her in. I was like, I'm not doing that. I don't know who the donkey is, and I'm not doing that. But I watched my mom go, come on, little donkey, and take out this fake donkey. And then she said she lured the red witch home on the witch stage.

[Tommy]

Oh, the witch.

[Shane]

The witch is always there.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Daddy, why did you start painting my room blue? Because it's a nice color, sweetie. I say, while I slip the crushed peanuts into her lunch.

[Amanda]

What? Stupidy.

[Shane]

Oh, what? So it doesn't even establish that he has a peanut allergy?

[Amanda]

He's just doing what?

[Tommy]

So what's the pain about?

[Amanda]

Is the blue, like, supposed to be the sky where she's gonna die?

[Tommy]

He's redoing the room for the purpose.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Tommy]

He's repainting. He's painting the room.

[Shane]

He's repainting the room. He's repainting the room because it's no longer going to be her room.

[Tommy]

Then he's. That's awesome.

[Shane]

Giving her. As I slip the crush into her lunch. It's insane.

[Amanda]

Do you guys remember the Sixth Sense? The best movie ever?

[Tommy]

Yes.

[Amanda]

Do you remember Misha Barton? Misha Barton's story?

[Shane]

Oh, terrifying.

[Amanda]

Where the. Where she died and then she. She. You know. You know how he sees dead people?

[Tommy]

Yeah, I saw it once a long.

[Amanda]

Time ago where she grabs his legs to try to tell him to solve her murder. And it's the. The. The husband's wife so her stepmom has been slowly poisoning her and she set up a camera. Oh, yeah. So it's essentially the same story.

[Tommy]

So they stole it from 6 cents.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

So basically they sold.

[Amanda]

Yeah, they stole it from 6 cents. Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

When his girlfriend ghosted him, he decided to upload their sex videos on the Internet. After taking his newly prescribed meds, he opened his laptop only to find videos of him making love to the air.

[Tommy]

Trisha Paytas did that one time. Sorry, which part? No one remembers that she fucked a ghost one time. What's up?

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Tommy]

Yeah, that's really cool.

[Amanda]

Did you see it?

[Tommy]

Yeah. No, no, it was like a profile of you and she was just like going like. Yeah, and she was like fucking a ghost. I don't know. This was in her like bing bong era.

[Shane]

Wait, it was.

[Tommy]

It was in her bing bong.

[Amanda]

Did you watch? How do you watch it?

[Tommy]

She like uploaded a video on I think Twitter or something.

[Amanda]

Can you find it?

[Tommy]

I probably could find it. Okay, I can show you later.

[Amanda]

Wow. Okay.

[Tommy]

So that's what that was suggesting, right, Is that these fucking ghosts.

[Amanda]

People say that a lot though. They say like they have sex with aliens.

[Shane]

I've heard people say they've had sex with aliens or ghosts and stuff.

[Tommy]

I've heard none of them have hit me up.

[Amanda]

Oh, you have to be chosen.

[Tommy]

Yeah, you gotta go to bed. Chosen aliens. I'm prepared.

[Shane]

Aliens.

[Amanda]

Come on.

[Tommy]

I've douched for you. The Water Runs Clear with Me. Is that what that movie, A River.

[Shane]

Runs through it's about?

[Tommy]

No.

[Amanda]

No, it's not. That's a great movie. A perfectly clean cavity never runs through it. Please stop. Okay, that Legends of the Fall.

[Tommy]

Good one.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's the sequel. All right.

[Amanda]

Very good.

[Shane]

Thanks, Gabby.

[Amanda]

Did Brad Pitt in both of those.

[Shane]

Got your nose, Daddy. My son squealed excitedly, ripping my. Yeah, exactly. Smiling at my son, I reattached the prosthetic and wished I hadn't done so much cocaine back in college.

[Tommy]

Oh, he undid the scary part.

[Shane]

He undid the scary part.

[Amanda]

Wait, what? The original.

[Tommy]

Got your nose. I got your nose. And I'm like, oh, he's going to rip the nose off. And then he was like, but it actually was a prosthetic. Cuz I did coke in college.

[Amanda]

It's like, okay, that prosthetic must have been like easily put on there. He should get that redone.

[Tommy]

Just maybe it's a little magnet. Take it on, take it off.

[Amanda]

That's awful. Could you imagine?

[Tommy]

Yeah, you put it in the bubbling water Next to your bed when you go to sleep. Yeah.

[Amanda]

You're like kissing someone. You're like, oh, my God.

[Tommy]

Sorry this is in the way. All right. I would want mine to make a pop sound when I took it.

[Shane]

You want that?

[Tommy]

Yeah, yeah. I'd put a little speaker in there. Like a gift card thing.

[Amanda]

What?

[Tommy]

And you open it up and it goes. Okay.

[Amanda]

Two bad scented horrors. Make me feel like I'm tripping.

[Tommy]

Mm.

[Shane]

As I climbed to the top of Everest, I realized they had lied. If anything, it's melting up here. I should take my jacket off.

[Amanda]

Uh. Oh, you know what?

[Shane]

He has hypothermia.

[Amanda]

Yeah. He has these where you walk out and you take off all your clothes so you think you're hot. That.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

You know what I'm saying?

[Shane]

Well, it's. It's hypothermia.

[Amanda]

Yeah, exactly. That's what I just said.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Remember, remember, Remember. Remember when they found those hikers and they all were naked and they. All their clothes were. Or is that a horror movie?

[Tommy]

I mean, Mount Everest has a bunch of dead people on it.

[Shane]

It literally shows.

[Amanda]

It does.

[Shane]

I don't know why people want to do it.

[Amanda]

I also heard that Mount Everest has a bunch of trash.

[Tommy]

It does. You can't clean up after yourself. Yeah. So people risk their lives and go up on this huge mountain to trash the place and potentially die. And then they're like, you've got to climb Everest.

[Amanda]

I know. And I'm like, no, you're gonna love it. No, there's a movie called Everest. That's an old 90s movie.

[Tommy]

Thanks. That's awesome.

[Amanda]

It's a good one.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

All right.

[Tommy]

You'll never see me jump out of an airplane with a parachute, and you'll never see me climb a mountain where I could potentially fall off. Too Clumsy.

[Amanda]

I kind of agree with you about the airplane part.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Mountain part maybe, but not Everest.

[Shane]

Yeah. Well, you could do the. You could do the climb the mountain, then you could skydive off of it if you fall.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Tommy]

Not gonna do that. Long legs.

[Amanda]

Hello.

[Shane]

In looking for bad two sentence horror stories, I found this. Posted a couple different places. It is a real article from BBC News.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

Can you read it in a British real. It's a real two sentence horror story.

[Tommy]

It's gotta be British.

[Shane]

A little girl said monsters were in her bedroom. It was 60,000 bees.

[Tommy]

That's a lot of bees.

[Shane]

Wait, the fact that they knew, like, oh, that's 60,000 for sure.

[Amanda]

What?

[Tommy]

60,000 bees in her bedroom.

[Shane]

60,000 bees. Were in her bedroom.

[Tommy]

So I guess she's hearing like a. Yeah.

[Amanda]

I feel like I'm falling in a tunnel in a black hole going, help. And you guys are really far up. Like almost get it out. And I, there's no way I can get to 60,000. Like you get it right? And I'm like, I get.

[Shane]

Was 1955 when dad left to get a pack of cigarettes and a carton of milk. It was 2025 when he returned with the cigarettes and the milk. And he hadn't aged at all. Oh my God.

[Amanda]

He went through a portal.

[Shane]

Yeah, he went through a portal. See, that's the milk portal.

[Tommy]

That's.

[Shane]

The milk.

[Tommy]

That's fine.

[Amanda]

I don't think I would date a guy who would just get a pack of cigarettes and milk. I feel like that's just.

[Shane]

Who gets a pack of cigarettes and milk.

[Amanda]

That's a typical guy.

[Tommy]

That's called a dude lunch.

[Amanda]

That's a dude lunch.

[Tommy]

That's a dude lunch. We've heard about girl dinner. Dude lunch.

[Shane]

Dude lunch.

[Tommy]

Cigarette.

[Shane]

And that's cigarettes and milk.

[Tommy]

Cigarettes and milk.

[Shane]

It probably hits you dip them like Oreos.

[Amanda]

You guys didn't watch this newest season of Survivor, but there were two grown ass men who love milk and they openly talked about it. That they drink milk all the time.

[Shane]

People who drink milk as a snack. I don't trust them. I don't trust Arasha because she's like, oh, yeah, I'll drink a glass of milk. And I'm like, I don't trust you.

[Tommy]

I don't do that.

[Amanda]

Drinks milk. I know. No, I know. Really?

[Shane]

What kind?

[Amanda]

One time I told you.

[Tommy]

Can you tell me what kind? Whole, I guess. That's, that's better than skim.

[Amanda]

Oh, I grew up on skim. So did I.

[Tommy]

It's nasty.

[Amanda]

It's. It's water.

[Shane]

It's water.

[Tommy]

It's white.

[Amanda]

White water. Thank you.

[Shane]

It's water. It's for sure water.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

And I grew up on it too, but you did skim milk. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Did it help us in any way, guys?

[Tommy]

No.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

No, I, you know, the posters told me I would be like Michael Jordan and it never happened.

[Amanda]

So I don't think that's ever gonna happen.

[Tommy]

I'm sorry to break it to you, it might not happen.

[Shane]

I think I might be the polar opposite of Michael Jordan in so many ways.

[Amanda]

I don't think that's ever not gonna work for you, bud.

[Shane]

There's some sort of spectrum where I'm on the opposite.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, you're not getting. Getting there.

[Tommy]

Nope, nope, nope.

[Shane]

All right. I watched everyone evacuate from the coast as the sea receded after an earthquake. Three days later. The water hasn't returned yet.

[Tommy]

Oh, so the tsunami never came?

[Shane]

Tsunami didn't come, but the come in.

[Amanda]

The same, and they sunk in.

[Tommy]

That's where all the water went.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Uhhuh.

[Tommy]

Okay, so the ocean's gone.

[Shane]

The ocean's gone. It's not coming back.

[Amanda]

I get it. It's scary.

[Shane]

But also, come on, this one's really good.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

My wife got me a bracelet with the first initials of our kids on it. Now I lay on the side of the road, paramedics dragging me, as I silently pray for Donna, Nick, and Rachel. Did you get it?

[Tommy]

He's got his bracelets. Dnr. Do not resuscitate. So he's like, oh, if I die, I'm not gonna get resuscitated because those are my kids names.

[Amanda]

So she wanted him dead.

[Tommy]

I think that's a liberty you're taking right now.

[Shane]

But I like.

[Amanda]

She gave him a bracelet.

[Tommy]

She purposefully named her kids DNR so that when he eventually would get in an accident, which she planned.

[Amanda]

She planned.

[Shane]

That's some 5D.

[Amanda]

Her boyfriend hit him.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Tommy]

And the kid hit her too.

[Shane]

And the evil toddler. I have slain all the soldiers in your skeleton army. It's time for you to give up now. Ah, but you forgot one, said the evil wizard, as I began to feel a strange itch deep in my bones.

[Amanda]

Oh, he's a skeleton.

[Shane]

He's a skeleton.

[Tommy]

We all are.

[Amanda]

I struggle when stories are like, wait, I've been dead this whole time. Speaking of success.

[Tommy]

Yeah, you're just. But you love six Sense.

[Amanda]

Spoiler alert. I love Sixth Sense, and trust me, I was stunned with that. Anything?

[Tommy]

I've already said this. When I first watched it, I think it was like a weekend or a day home. Like a day home from school. And my mom's like, isn't it crazy that he's dead the whole time? And I went, I didn't know that. And then she was like, oh, you told me this.

[Amanda]

You told me this.

[Tommy]

And so I never got to experience that. That would be how it was supposed to be experienced.

[Amanda]

Really hard for me to handle.

[Tommy]

Yep. It's okay.

[Amanda]

Shane didn't listen to anything we said because.

[Tommy]

Our podcast. It's great.

[Amanda]

Great.

[Shane]

Okay, how you guys. How is that?

[Amanda]

I know when Shane is focused on something that he's ready to read, because.

[Shane]

I'm reading some of these, and I'm like, some of these Are awful. Some of these that I found, I'm like, oh, these are. They're not scary, but they're just like, okay.

[Amanda]

Love it.

[Shane]

Okay, but here we go. This one's gross. Yes, but it's dumb to think that such a disgusting lump of flesh nearly killed you. The surgeon mused, holding the extracted tumor above the patient's young body. Now dispose of it, replied the tumor.

[Tommy]

That's awesome.

[Amanda]

Dispose of the body.

[Shane]

The tumor is alive.

[Amanda]

I actually like that.

[Tommy]

That's fun.

[Amanda]

That feels fun. Hahahaha.

[Shane]

The brothers laughed as they leafed through their family photo album. These all look AI generated. Next you'll be saying we. Next you'll be saying we look nothing alike. Their mother joke stiffly, who'd given up her a career as a nurse to raise.

[Amanda]

Who's giving up her a career. Wait, what? Reread that. We've given up her a career.

[Shane]

The. The horror is reality.

[Amanda]

Hahaha.

[Shane]

The brothers laughed as they leafed through their family photo album. These all look AI generated. Next you'll be saying we look nothing alike. Their mother jokes stiffly, who'd given up her career as a nurse to raise them.

[Tommy]

What's the. What's the horror?

[Amanda]

I think the sentence grammar is the horror in that one.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

What.

[Tommy]

What's the AI generated?

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Amanda]

She's a nurse means she stole three children. And all those kids are not actually hers.

[Tommy]

You're the perfect audience for these two sentence horrors because you're filling in blanks.

[Shane]

You actually make it make sense.

[Amanda]

Yeah. That weren't there at all. And the writer's like, I never thought about that.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

I told my wife of 20 years that I had believed I was going blind. When everything started to turn black. When I opened my eyes, my college roommate said, hey, dude, pass the salvia. It's been my turn for the last 10 minutes.

[Amanda]

No. He tripped into a whole other world where he had a wife. God, that's awful. Have you guys ever done salvia?

[Shane]

No.

[Tommy]

No.

[Amanda]

What the. Me neither.

[Shane]

Okay, good. Glad we established that.

[Amanda]

Me neither.

[Shane]

The way you're saying it, I'm not sure.

[Amanda]

No, I really have not.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

I knew people who did.

[Shane]

I remember when I was a teenager, these stories you'd hear about salvia were nuts.

[Amanda]

Exactly. I did not do that.

[Shane]

I never. I never heard of anyone I know smoking salvia. But people talked about it.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

They're just like, have you heard about salvia?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And it made me go, I'd never want to do that.

[Tommy]

Yeah, of course. Same.

[Shane]

And that's that's it. I accidentally put the crushed peanuts one again there at the bottom. I.

[Tommy]

Let's hear it again.

[Amanda]

That's so awkward.

[Shane]

Daddy, why did you start painting my room blue? Because it's a nice color, sweetie. I say, while I slip the crushed peanuts into her lunch.

[Tommy]

God, it's. You know how like when you watch a movie back after you've watched it through and it's a different. It's different the second time I read it.

[Amanda]

And you know what? I thought she wanted crunchy peanut butter and everything's gonna be fine.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Oh. Oh, that's the horrors. That. It was never scary at all.

[Amanda]

At all.

[Shane]

I found some from the creature.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

Selena, put some creature ones in here.

[Tommy]

I'd love to hear some creature ones.

[Shane]

We read these last time, but they're so good, it almost feels like Christmas. Except I've got no eggnog, thankfully. I can just milk some more from my creature.

[Tommy]

Okay. I would love that creature.

[Amanda]

Me too. That would be an eggnog forever.

[Tommy]

I'm an eggnog freak.

[Amanda]

Me, too. Why do we only have it at Christmas?

[Shane]

I love eggnognogs.

[Amanda]

I don't know.

[Tommy]

It pisses me off.

[Shane]

I love eggnog. But I will say I drink a glass and then I'm like, I have to lay down for the rest of the day.

[Tommy]

And that's the glory of eggnog.

[Amanda]

Yes. You don't have to do anything around Christmas.

[Tommy]

I do whiskey. What do you do with that?

[Amanda]

Oh, we used to do Bailey's and then we would do whiskey.

[Tommy]

Like Bailey is crazy, cuz that's more cream.

[Amanda]

Family event. No, disgusting. Awful. Horrible. Delicious.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Family events was like. I think it was whiskey. Rum.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Amanda]

And I think. I think it was Bailey's. And then it was delicious eggnog.

[Tommy]

I love, like a angry whiskey. Like a rye or something, and so that can really bite through. And I just drink that SAP.

[Shane]

Are you guys gonna judge me when I said, when I tell you my family drinks it sober, we just drink eggnog.

[Amanda]

No, I'm not gonna judge you.

[Shane]

Well, I never actually put alcohol in eggnog. No, I've heard it.

[Tommy]

It, like, makes sense. Yeah. Because then there's spice. Because then you drink it and you're like, it's like cold nutmeg.

[Amanda]

Yum.

[Tommy]

And then it goes, like, warm, and you're like, oh, Christmas.

[Shane]

Okay. I have had it with it. But it's just my family just right. Typically doesn't let me.

[Tommy]

And let me just say the prepackaged ones that are like spiked eggnog. Those are nasty.

[Amanda]

No, don't get those.

[Tommy]

Get eggnog. And.

[Shane]

And you just stir it in.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Also oat milk, eggnog. I know, crazy. But if you can't do lactose, that is okay. Yeah, it's decent.

[Tommy]

That's good for like an eggnog latte. That's good to drink on its own, the oat milk one. Because then it's not like drinking straight cream. Cream. Yeah. So good. So good. I love it so much.

[Shane]

And that's. That's. That's it.

[Tommy]

Wow.

[Amanda]

Wow. The creature.

[Tommy]

Boo. Said the ghost of the ghost. No, it's. It's Polo, said the other ghost. Are they playing Marco Polo?

[Amanda]

They're playing Marco Polo.

[Shane]

I told. I told Selena. I don't think that counts as a two cent sword. That counts as a joke. That's. I think that's like a perfect joke.

[Amanda]

It's a really good.

[Shane]

That's a really good dad joke. Boo, said the ghost. No, it's Polo, said the other ghost.

[Amanda]

And they're friends. They've been friends a long time. Those ghosts.

[Shane]

Just because they're ghosts.

[Tommy]

But they're ghosts.

[Shane]

Ghosts don't the horror to be scary.

[Tommy]

Yeah, some ghosts are chill.

[Shane]

I think ghosts are inherently silly.

[Tommy]

Well, you've never had a spooky ghost happen.

[Shane]

Okay, so, you know, someday, Someday. Someday I die and I become a ghost. What, I'm suddenly scary now? I stop being silly? Yeah, I think I'm gonna be more silly.

[Amanda]

But you've seen shit when you're a ghost, so I think you're gonna be scary.

[Tommy]

No, it's the way that you're trying to communicate that becomes. You're like, hey, guys. And then they see you going and they're like. It has nothing to do with you being a silly.

[Shane]

Okay, okay, I get that. I get that. Fair.

[Amanda]

I'm trying to think of a two sentence horror right now. And I know it's not good, but I want something.

[Tommy]

Let's give it a shot. Let it spill out of your mouth.

[Amanda]

I want something. Hey.

[Tommy]

Okay. Well, you didn't start off well.

[Amanda]

Hey, mom, why is dad upstairs in my bedroom? And then the mom goes, your father's been dead for five years.

[Tommy]

That's better than half the ones we've read today.

[Amanda]

I just love that. Wait, can I say something? Really? I know we're about to end, but I'm not kidding. I went on a like girls cabin trip to Idlewild. It was so much fun. But what we didn't realize is the house Was actually haunted.

[Shane]

Oh, and the dog is the mayor.

[Amanda]

No, that's.

[Tommy]

The two cents are.

[Shane]

No, he is.

[Amanda]

It was actually haunted. But the guy who. Who like, rented us. Rented it to us, was like, oh, no, it's. It's haunted. And literally, I was staying up in the attic area with my friend Sam, Most haunted part. And she goes, amanda, can you grab my shirt? It was like a sweatshirt or whatever. And I come out of the bathroom downstairs and I went, huh? She goes, didn't you just walk upstairs? And I said, no. And Lauren, our other friend, went, I saw her walk upstairs. And they both said what I was wearing. And it matched and it wasn't me. And there was no one up there.

[Tommy]

You had a mimic. That's what they call them.

[Shane]

I watch TikTok or they saw the future.

[Tommy]

Yeah, that's true. Me going upstairs, I've got a 2 cents. Where? I've got a 2 cents. That's pretty good. Maybe go. And I gotta kind of like figure it out as I say it.

[Amanda]

Okay, let it spell out.

[Tommy]

I thought I asked my mom for creamy peanut butter when I was eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but that's when. Wait, but. But I thought. But then it was crunchy and I realized all my teeth had fallen out.

[Amanda]

Oh, you know what that means. You were dreaming. Cause it was a teeth falling out dream.

[Tommy]

Okay, well, I was actually just coming up with a chance.

[Shane]

And then you woke up. Then you woke up and you said, can I have a peanut butter jelly sandwich? And your mom replied, what's peanut butter? And you live in a world where peanut butter doesn't exist.

[Tommy]

Wow. The room's blue. Crazy.

[Shane]

The room is blue.

[Tommy]

Do you got one? Do you have a stupid one?

[Shane]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Tommy]

Send them off with it. All right, this is the last part of the podcast. The stakes are high.

[Shane]

Okay? I. As I began scratching the itch on my arm, my wife said, I guess you'll find out if it's really cake or not. Because it's like, you could be cake. I could be cake.

[Tommy]

Oh, see? See? See how we're gonna end it?

[Shane]

What if I'm cake?

[Amanda]

I'm grateful that we're ending it here.

[Tommy]

What if I'm cake?

[Amanda]

So you're cake.

[Shane]

What if I'm cake?

[Tommy]

What if he's cake?

[Amanda]

Guys, I'm so far down this get out tunnel, I don't know where I am.

[Shane]

Come back.

[Amanda]

Help me. Wow.

[Tommy]

Wow.

[Amanda]

These were sentence horse.

[Shane]

I hope you guys aren't too scared.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Turn the lights back on.

[Tommy]

You're safe. Guys. It's okay.

[Amanda]

Everything's okay.

[Tommy]

You're good.

[Amanda]

We're here with you.

[Shane]

Thanks, Tommy.

[Amanda]

Yeah, thanks, Tommy.

[Shane]

Did you tell. I'm out of my mind.

[Amanda]

We needed you more than you needed us.

[Tommy]

Thanks, guys. This was awesome.

[Amanda]

All right, guys.

[Tommy]

I love hearing stories from the beginning to the end. I didn't miss a single minute.

[Shane]

Yep.

[Amanda]

And if you see an old lady at the movie theater and she sits next to you, don't worry about it. She will move.

[Shane]

She will leave. Okay. Bye.

[Tommy]

Bye.

[Amanda]

Bye.