#143 - Our Aunts Host The Podcast

Summary

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Smosh Mouth #143 - "Our Aunts Host The Podcast"

Date: May 11, 2026
Hosts (in character):

• Sandy Top (Shayne Topp)
• Teresa Canto (Amanda Lehan-Canto)

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Episode Overview

In a Mother’s Day special, Smosh regulars Shayne Topp and Amanda Lehan-Canto take a backseat as their “aunt” alter-egos, Sandy Top and Teresa Canto, hijack the show. With thick accents, meandering stories, and an endless supply of eccentric advice and ribbing, the two aunties riff through topics ranging from family and travel, to seafood, death, Facebook, and everything in between. The episode unfolds as a hilarious, semi-improvised road-trip catch-up, peppered with running gags, fake wisdom, and spectacular one-liners—offering a loving parody of classic aunt energy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Taking Over the Studio & Mother’s Day (00:44–03:30)

• Mother’s Day: Sandy reflects on it being “a joyful day” for her; Teresa admits it’s a little hard, but they both enter with warmth and irreverence.
• Family Pride: Both gush about their niece (Amanda) and nephew (Shayne), mixing genuine affection with gently mocking misinformation about their careers.
• Encounter with Technology: The aunts are dazzled and a little baffled by the studio tech and the presence of so many cameras.

Quote:

“If it’s not on Facebook, it doesn’t exist. You know what I’m saying? Except if it’s on Netflix. Does this go on Netflix? No.” —Teresa (01:28)

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2. Life Stories, Facebook, and Auntly Wisdom (03:31–08:45)

• Backstories: Revealing how they met on the road, the two share tales of connecting via Facebook groups (including the fan pages “Shayne can get it” and the Amanda-centric “big feet”).
• Fish & Seafood Metaphors: Teresa: “If I was a fish? A jellyfish. Because I’m good to look at, but if you get close, I’m gonna wrap my legs around you and sting you.” (04:39)
• Comedy Careers: Sandy reminisces about doing open-mic style comedy at Margaritaville and being a silent member of the “Margarita Senoritas”—because she doesn’t speak Spanish.

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3. Jobs, Misadventures, and Family Jabs (08:46–14:50)

• Road-Trip Detours: Sandy and Teresa swap stories of their own (often wild) career paths, including dancing jobs, attempts at singing, and adventures as jewelry or pan saleswomen that “definitely weren’t pyramid schemes.”
• Children & Tough Love: Teresa affectionately calls her son Ricky “a fucking dumbass” (10:34), giving a recurring theme of family ribbing.
• Building Advice: Teresa offers unsolicited (and improvised) advice on building an outdoor shower and the importance of showering with nature.

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4. Death, Ghosts, and Healing (13:30–28:33)

• Quirky Views on Death: The duo muse on funerary wishes—“I want to be buried deep in the sand and I want them to do a clam bake over me.” —Teresa (16:41)
• Ghost Stories: The aunts swap tales of seeing ghosts everywhere—from New Orleans cemeteries to over people’s shoulders in the podcast studio, ultimately declaring, “You know what that ghost is called? Intuition.” (26:01)
• Philosophizing: “Talk about death as much as possible. Young people don’t want to hear about it, but it’s important.” —Teresa (28:28)

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5. Honest (and Hilarious) Critiques of Shane & Amanda (19:13–22:33, 39:40–40:42)

• Relentless Roasting: The aunts affectionately teardown Shane’s looks (“like if the Pillsbury Doughboy tried to wear jeans”—19:37) and Amanda’s aloofness (“She seems like she’s already too far gone. Maybe it’s Hollywood.”—29:12).
• Career Commentary: Tough but humorous armchair evaluations of Smosh’s hosts and the strange nature of internet fame.
• “Advice” for the Real Hosts: “Trust your instincts. Trust no one. But care for them. Eat as much seafood as possible. Call your son a dumbass...he’ll thank you for it later.” —Teresa (72:01)

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6. The Epic Road Trip Saga (24:14–65:47)

• Meandering Journey: The aunts recount a sprawling, almost mythic itinerary: Indiana to Louisiana, back up to North Dakota (Mount Rushmore), New York, Texas, Nevada (Reno not Vegas), and finally to California.
• Modes of Travel: Wild stories of motorcycle rides (“Bible says you can’t get on a motorcycle”—34:55), hitchhiking with guardian angel truckers named Floyd, riding Greyhounds, and even hammy tales of riding a hammerhead shark up the Florida Keys (66:39).
• Barfights & Life on the Road: Sandy describes gaining the nickname “Thor” for laying down the law on a Greyhound (30:12).
• Bathroom Humor: The pair riff on the realities of road-trip hygiene, lack of privacy, and their understanding of “women our age don’t poop, we’re going to the bathroom to pleasure ourselves.” (56:09)

Quote:

“Pick up every hitchhiker you see. A couple will be a dud, but one of them will be your guardian angel. —Sandy (72:31)

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7. Auntisms, Friendship, & Legacy (65:48–74:34)

• Self-Awareness: Honest confessions about not being best friends, but recognizing a “dynamic duo”/“liability-in-war” kinship.
• Podcasting as Aunt Therapy: “I love a podcast…because I feel free.” —Teresa (57:23)
• Advice for Younger Folk: Wisdom is doled in the aunts’ signature style—equal parts sincerity and mockery.

Quote:

“Seize the day. But seas is spelled S-E-A-S. You get it?” —Teresa (73:34)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “My son Ricky—he’s a good kid, but he doesn’t know left from right. A to B. He doesn’t understand it. One to five.”—Teresa (10:34)
• “You gotta talk about death as much as possible. Young people don’t want to hear about it, but it’s important to respect the dead.” —Teresa (28:28)
• “He’s like, if you let a child play with Play-Doh for a little bit…‘Look, it’s a pond!’…but you just flattened the Play-Doh. That’s Shane.” —Sandy (40:22)
• “Never trust laminate. Real wood only.” —Teresa [on discovering the studio set is all fake] (51:42)
• “At our age, are you kidding me? One minute flat, I’m done.” —Teresa on self-pleasure (75:48)
• “Therapy is bad for you... You know what my therapy is? Watching old movies. And a little bit of masturbating.” —Teresa (55:06, 55:28)

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Timestamped Highlighted Segments

• Tech & Facebook Era Aunties: 01:23–01:39
• Are Shane & Amanda in a Cult?: 37:12–38:44
• Death and Clam Bakes: 16:41–18:21
• Hard Honest Advice: 71:30–73:50
• Friendship Honesty: 68:52–70:42
• Bathroom Rituals/Taboos: 56:09–57:40

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Running Gags & Themes

• Facebook as the Source of Truth: “If it’s not on Facebook, it doesn’t exist.”
• Perpetual Roasting of Younger Family: Especially Shane’s looks and Amanda’s “Hollywood” aloofness.
• Auntie Wisdom: Blending non-sequiturs, bad advice, and “seize the day” mantras.
• Travel & Road Trip Mishaps: A constant thread of absurd journeys through America, via increasingly wild means.
• Outlandish Confessions: Pyromania, sex talk, ghost-seeing, and bathroom honesty.

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Tone & Style

• Improvised & Meandering: The show’s comedic energy flows from character improvisation and dueling tangents, in thick “aunt” accents.
• Affectionate Mockery: Both for each other and the actual Smosh hosts—at once loving and savagely funny.
• Unfiltered Advice & Wisdom: No topic off-limits—travel, family, death, masturbation, therapy, and more.

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Conclusion

This Mother’s Day episode is a riotous, loving parody of family, aging, and podcast culture, framed through the eyes of two eccentric, unfiltered aunts. Rapid-fire anecdotes, folksy advice, and relentless ribbing make for a uniquely energetic and character-driven installment of Smosh Mouth—one that’s as much a road-trip movie as it is a podcast.

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For the full absurd journey—ghosts, hammerheads, and all—skip to the top of the episode and hang on tight.

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Transcript

[Sandy Top]

Protein packed meals in 10 minutes. TikTok's got millions of them. Could you whip one up in under eight? Probably. But hey, it's not a race. Grab the recipes on TikTok and start cooking. And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go

[Teresa Canto]

to help someone customize and save on

[Sandy Top]

car insurance with Liberty Mutual.

[Teresa Canto]

Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show. Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Sandy Top]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Sandy Top]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent. Liberty. Liberty.

[Teresa Canto]

Liberty.

[Sandy Top]

Liberty. Teresa.

[Teresa Canto]

Teresa.

[Sandy Top]

Mother Teresa.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, it's Mother's Day.

[Sandy Top]

And who better than Mother Teresa?

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, goodness.

[Sandy Top]

It's Mother's Day, which is always a joyful day for me. I don't have time.

[Teresa Canto]

Kind of a hard day for me,

[Sandy Top]

but I think I would have been a great mother. I just love the cats in Key West.

[Teresa Canto]

All right, here we go. Are we ready? All right. All right. So someone comes in and talks to us.

[Sandy Top]

I guess so. I mean, nobody was in the room. And now people are filtering in. They look a little scared.

[Teresa Canto]

So many cameras around me.

[Sandy Top]

So many cameras. Are all of these recording?

[Teresa Canto]

Someone take a selfie?

[Sandy Top]

Do all of these record?

[Teresa Canto]

Yes.

[Sandy Top]

And you upload this straight to Facebook.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, God. So my favorite thing is watching everything on Facebook. So if it's not on Facebook, it doesn't exist. You know what I'm saying? Except if it's on Netflix. Does this go on Netflix? No.

[Sandy Top]

I'm constantly surprised that Jesus does so much on Facebook, but you don't see him anywhere else.

[Teresa Canto]

It's because it's really God doing it. So God is actually, you know, the backbone of Facebook.

[Sandy Top]

Right, right, right.

[Teresa Canto]

Anyways.

[Sandy Top]

Anyways. So I think normally I've only seen clips of this show.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, I've seen their skits.

[Sandy Top]

My. My nephew Shane does this show and he usually says, hi, he's welcome.

[Teresa Canto]

He's a sweet boy.

[Sandy Top]

He's sweet. My.

[Teresa Canto]

My beautiful niece. She. She. She looks like the sunshine. She's a goddess in. In women's clothing. You know what I'm saying? Like that. Her name is Amanda Leehan Canto. So Lehan's actually her father's last name.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, really?

[Teresa Canto]

And Canto's our last name. I'm Teresa Canto. Hi. How are you? How you doing?

[Sandy Top]

Oh, and I'm Sandy Top.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. So Sandy and I actually, we met each other on the road, which is crazy.

[Sandy Top]

We found out we were both coming to visit for Mother's Day.

[Teresa Canto]

Big studio.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. I heard they moved to a new studio. I thought, you know, I didn't know that my nephew did much of this entertainment stuff. I knew he'd done it. Acting, I heard long time ago.

[Teresa Canto]

You know, I thought she did, I thought she did. I thought she did plays. I thought she did like a children's theater type play where, you know, they, they, they, they have you come to your birthday house and you do a

[Sandy Top]

birthday play when they come to your, when they come to your house. I heard that like, like cat on a hot tin roof for 10 year olds.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, I heard that they do, they do a hot tin on a cat roof.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

And then they do. I think she does. She's done Phantom of the Opera and I think that's what she's doing out here. But then I see this place and I'm like, wait a second, what's going on with this place? And then I notice that she's not doing a play, she's talking.

[Sandy Top]

I think they're doing more like Dateline here because this is not getting shot. It has a Dateline set up.

[Teresa Canto]

Have you seen the most recent one with Keith Morrison?

[Sandy Top]

With the Keith Morrison.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God. Light of my life. I saw this one and I was like, who did it? It's clearly, it's clearly the husband. So it's a cruise ship. That's my biggest fear is getting pushed off a cruise ship and being international waters and then they can't find the killer. But it's always the husband.

[Sandy Top]

I know that's not a fear I have because I can swim so strongly.

[Teresa Canto]

You can?

[Sandy Top]

Oh, Teresa, you have no idea. Growing up, I, I've lived in Key west for now. I am basically half mahi mahi.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, wait, a mahi mahi fish. The one like in Kauai, Hawaii.

[Sandy Top]

They're also there. They're all over the place.

[Teresa Canto]

I love a mahi mahi.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, it's so delicious. You ever had mahi mahi tacos?

[Teresa Canto]

Yes, of course I've had, so here's the deal with me is, you know, what's, what's, what's really weird is that I, I, I catch fish all the time. You know, I'm catching, you know, base scallops and stuff like that, you know, But I also love to eat it too.

[Sandy Top]

And I'm the same way. I love to catch snapper grouper.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, you know what if I was a fish?

[Sandy Top]

You know what I would be if

[Teresa Canto]

I was a fish? A jellyfish.

[Sandy Top]

A what?

[Teresa Canto]

A jellyfish. Because, you know, I'm good to look at, but if you get close, I'm gonna wrap my. My. My. My legs around you and sting you.

[Sandy Top]

To a woman of war.

[Teresa Canto]

That's exactly what I say.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

That's crazy.

[Sandy Top]

We're so similar.

[Teresa Canto]

We have a lot in common. So what's great about, you know, Sandy and I, we met each other in Indiana, and, you know, we did this road trip together to see our niece and nephew.

[Sandy Top]

We found out we both connected on Facebook beforehand.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, yeah. Lots of messages.

[Sandy Top]

Because I think we were both maybe in some group, I think. Were we in a group? A fan page for sponsor.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, we were a fan page. Shane can get it.

[Sandy Top]

Shane can get it. And then I think, you know what? And I thought we were talking about awards.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, of course.

[Sandy Top]

And. And more work.

[Teresa Canto]

He can get it.

[Sandy Top]

He can get it.

[Teresa Canto]

And also, I was looking for a fan page for Amanda, but they just said, big feet.

[Sandy Top]

Love that.

[Teresa Canto]

You know, And I was like, oh, big feet. I love that, too, because, you know, big feet, bigger shoes. Right. You know, you get more bang for your buck.

[Sandy Top]

Absolutely.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, of course. Of course.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. And they're looking for that. I think that's what they're looking for in Hollywood now. It's big feet.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, good.

[Sandy Top]

Good for me.

[Teresa Canto]

I put my puppies out.

[Sandy Top]

Well, actually, everybody can see them.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, you know, I like to wear socks on the beach, which is, you know, kind of weird. People think that's kind of weird because when I take off my socks, there's a lot of sand that comes out.

[Sandy Top]

That's okay. Add weight to it. Yeah. Train for a marathon. So when you take them off, you run really fast.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what? You know, it's crazy. You know, it's crazy. You know, it's crazy. I actually have never done a marathon.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, you could. You could crush. Because I think you only have to take a few steps and you're already past a mile.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, God, you're hilarious. That's the fun thing about Sandy is she's just like her nephew. Very funny. Very funny. I know.

[Sandy Top]

I should do comedy. I used to sometimes at Margaritaville, they would just leave the microphone out, and I'd go up and I would just start talking and people would be laughing so hard.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, I bet. Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

And I thought, you know, I could do stand up, but. Oh, yeah, I heard that.

[Teresa Canto]

It's. I heard that stand up's actually kind Of a lonely, a lonely, a lonely game.

[Sandy Top]

Well, yeah, because you're up there by yourself. Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

And you chewing on.

[Sandy Top]

You don't have anybody else with you as opposed to a band. You got. You got all the people in the band that are all there with you.

[Teresa Canto]

I. I once saw this band. It was so good. It was a Pink Floyd cover band. Dark side of the Moon is what they were playing, and I was. Dark side of the Moon is one of my favorite songs because it's very mysterious.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

And it was $1 oysters, and it was. It was $1 oysters, and it was Dark side of the Moon. And I was like, wait a second. Would you. Would you guys ever need a female singer? And they said, not right now. We're not looking. But I thought, you know, I. I would love to be a singer. So I don't know if it's. If I never pursued a singing career. Did you ever pursue a standup career?

[Sandy Top]

I never pursued a stand up. I never really did it because they weren't looking for that at Margaritaville. They were looking for dancers.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, okay.

[Sandy Top]

And I was a dancer at Margaritaville. Margaritaville. The Margarita Senoritas. And the rule was we were only allowed to speak Spanish.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, como estasia? Mi vienni too.

[Sandy Top]

See, I don't speak Spanish, so I was silent the whole time.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, you know what?

[Sandy Top]

I never spoke a word.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my goodness.

[Sandy Top]

But I danced, so that's all that they needed.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, of course dancers don't need to talk. That's, you know, it's. It's funny you should have mentioned that, because I actually do have a CD in the car, in the rental car that is all Spanish.

[Sandy Top]

I noticed that you were playing that. And I thought over a little bit of time, I thought I was like, I'm gonna start picking this up.

[Teresa Canto]

Okay? So. Hola.

[Sandy Top]

Hola.

[Teresa Canto]

Hola. Correct.

[Sandy Top]

Okay. And I got it.

[Teresa Canto]

So well done.

[Sandy Top]

And what if we did this whole podcast in Spanish? You know, they need to do that. Oh, my God.

[Teresa Canto]

That's an excellent idea. You should pitch that to Shane. Shane.

[Sandy Top]

Boy, I will, I will. I've been. I've been messaging him all over the place, but I think maybe it's. Maybe I thought his Facebook account, he doesn't. He doesn't respond.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh. You know what's crazy is I. Yeah. And I've been. I've been trying. I've been posting pictures of Amanda on my wall, and then I'm commenting on those pictures below, because if you tag a picture of them and you Put it on your Facebook wall, and then you comment below. And they. They. It's. It's a private. That's a private message.

[Sandy Top]

It's completely private. I send a whole entire letters to. So when someone comments, I make sure to respond back. Hot. Dale, good to see you. Good to hear from you. I hope you and the family are doing well.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

And then I give them a whole explanation of what my life's been like.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, good.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah, it's correspondence now.

[Teresa Canto]

You know, you were talking a little bit in the car that your. Your life is going pretty well.

[Sandy Top]

My life is going so good for you. Yeah. Key west has been just an absolute dream. I live. I live in an. The salt water is starting to tear away at it, and. But that's kind of the gorgeous thing about it.

[Teresa Canto]

I get it.

[Sandy Top]

I make puka shell necklaces that I sell, and I saw that you make them too, and I thought, you know, that's so funny. You're up in a beach miles away. We've never connected.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, yeah. So I'm in. I'm in. I'm in Sandwich, Massachusetts. It's actually one of the oldest.

[Sandy Top]

Is that where they. Is that where they made. Is that where it was invented, a sandwich? Sandwich, yes. Wow.

[Teresa Canto]

Yes. So they invented a ham and cheese first to start.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, that's so fascinating.

[Teresa Canto]

And you know what's crazy is a settler came in and said, what if we do turkey and pepper Jack cheese? And everyone started freaking out. Can you believe it?

[Sandy Top]

I can't believe it was crazy. What a mysterious, whimsical past.

[Teresa Canto]

It's been around since the 1600s. There's an old house there called the Hoxie House. It's been around since 1654. And there's this great place that I go to, and you can make puka shell necklaces. The only thing is, okay, I didn't catch this one. So. So my son Ricky did. So he goes. He goes, b.

[Sandy Top]

He caught the puka.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, he caught the puka.

[Sandy Top]

Ferocious, ferocious creatures.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, you. You do not understand the monster that's living in puka shells.

[Sandy Top]

They. People don't. People only see the shelf. They do not see people. Monster.

[Teresa Canto]

People do not see them. So Ricky. Ricky manhandled this puka, and, you know, he got the puka out, and of course, we ate it. So you fry it up with a little blood sausage, a little white wine, little clam sauce, and then you eat it. But, you know, he had. He. My son's. Listen, I love my son, but he is a fucking dumbass, all right? He's a good kid, but he doesn't know left from right.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

A to B. He doesn't understand it one to five. He's not actually dumb, but he's just.

[Sandy Top]

He's just a good heart, though.

[Teresa Canto]

He's a good heart, but I'm like, ricky, you know, turn off the lights in the car. The car's still running. You came in and went to bed. Ricky, shut the window. You're gonna get a cold. Ricky, why are your shoes out in the rain, you dumbass. I know. So anyways, and he leaves the outdoor shower door open all the time. You know, raccoons.

[Sandy Top]

Outdoor shower.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, that's so fascinating.

[Teresa Canto]

We have, though.

[Sandy Top]

We have that. We actually do have those in Key west, obviously.

[Teresa Canto]

Do you not own a. I don't

[Sandy Top]

have an outdoor shower.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, Sandy.

[Sandy Top]

In my house.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, no, no, no. Sandy. All right, so an outdoor shower. It's actually very, very, very, very nice. So you put it. You. Okay. You build an outdoor shower. Listen. Listen to this. I'm actually gonna change your whole life.

[Sandy Top]

So excited. This is. Now this is. What. Is this what podcasting is all about? Of course.

[Teresa Canto]

You talk about your most intimate details, and then you give advice on how to build things. A.

[Sandy Top]

Build an outdoor shower.

[Teresa Canto]

Yes. So you get wood from a. Whoever.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, okay. I know a guy. A driftwood.

[Teresa Canto]

Yes.

[Sandy Top]

Yes. Because I got snorkeling, and they have. They used to have these watchtowers out where. Where Ernest Hemingway used to write his book and. And you can find the driftwood under.

[Teresa Canto]

Wait a second.

[Sandy Top]

Ocean. Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

Ernest Hemingway wrote his books in P.

[Sandy Top]

Town on the Dunes and.

[Teresa Canto]

Where P. Town.

[Sandy Top]

Well, he also wrote some books in Key west because Old man and Sea is off of Key West.

[Teresa Canto]

I don't know.

[Sandy Top]

Well, close to Cuba, which was 90 miles away. Sometimes I'd swim over there. Anyways, he wrote, you know, but he told. Well, I. I know his ghost.

[Teresa Canto]

Okay, okay.

[Sandy Top]

All over Key West.

[Teresa Canto]

Wait a second.

[Sandy Top]

You cannot avoid him. Now, I know he died in Idaho, but his ghosts traveled all across the country. Ernest Hemingway. From Whom the Bell Tolls, Farewell to Arms, the Sun Also Rises.

[Teresa Canto]

I've only read a couple books.

[Sandy Top]

What books?

[Teresa Canto]

The Bible.

[Sandy Top]

Okay, good.

[Teresa Canto]

It's a big book. It actually.

[Sandy Top]

And every book written by Nancy Grace.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, Nancy Grace is one of my favorite. But also. You know what I love? What's. What's wicked good is I love Patricia Cornwell. Do you know Patricia Cornwell? She writes the Scott Pettis series.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, I don't think. I know.

[Teresa Canto]

It's about a corner it's about a corner. Who's. Who's. Who's investigating bodies.

[Sandy Top]

Corner.

[Teresa Canto]

A Corona. A corner. Oh, a corner.

[Sandy Top]

Like down on the corner where I get my sandals.

[Teresa Canto]

Nope, nope, nope.

[Sandy Top]

Like the Delta.

[Teresa Canto]

No, no. Now, don't be razzing me. No, I'm talking about a corner. They do forensics files. So. So there's a body and a corner comes in.

[Sandy Top]

Sorry.

[Teresa Canto]

So the corner comes in and they, you know, dissect the body and they go, okay, strangulation.

[Sandy Top]

He's dead.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, well, of course.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

They actually are the number one who does the death pot.

[Sandy Top]

Oh.

[Teresa Canto]

So Scott Petta. The Scarpetta series is about a corner. Who dissects the bodies and what's crazy. Patricia Cornwell writes these books. Very good. Nicole Kidman is actually doing a show called Scott Pettis.

[Sandy Top]

I love her so much.

[Teresa Canto]

She's excellent.

[Sandy Top]

Do they ever. Very good. They don't ever kiss the bodies, do they? Oh, I hope not.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, I don't know. I mean, Patricia Cornwell doesn't touch on it. Okay, but you know what? Between you and me, can we turn off the mics for one time, please?

[Sandy Top]

Can we talk, not record for a second?

[Teresa Canto]

Between you and me?

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

I think that they do kiss the bodies. Oh, God. I think that's how they determine the time of death.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

So they put their mouth to their lips.

[Sandy Top]

I mean, and they count.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, of course.

[Sandy Top]

Or they stuck out the last bit of oxygen that was in there.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, you know, to make sure they suck out the spirit.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah, they eat the spirits, I think.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, well, that's how they keep surviving.

[Sandy Top]

That's why when I die, I say, you know, don't take. Don't let anybody know. Just take me to the beach. Just drift me off.

[Teresa Canto]

Same. This episode of Smoshmouth is sponsored by a Daily Look.

[Sandy Top]

Amanda, how's life now that you're a mom? Are you finding the balance? Feeling that groove?

[Teresa Canto]

Whoa. That's really kind of you to ask. I'm feeling actually so great. Especially since I found some ease with shopping and having my own stylist.

[Sandy Top]

Get it, girl. Watch out.

[Teresa Canto]

Daily look is the number one highest rated premium personal styling service for women. I can try up to 12 premium pieces per box in my own home. This is then you buy what you love and you send back the rest.

[Sandy Top]

That sounds amazing. What about the shipping costs?

[Teresa Canto]

No, no, no, no. None. Daily look offers free shipping both ways.

[Sandy Top]

How do they know what you like?

[Teresa Canto]

Well, I fill out their style quiz. It includes price and lifestyle. I mean, let's be real I want to look great and feel confident on camera, but I also need something practical for when I'm with my baby. I love that my stylist is a real person, too. It's amazing because they send you a preview of the box before you even get it, and you. You get to pick and be like, oh, you know what? I'm actually not feeling that item. And you get to switch it out before you even get the box. It's amazing. It's time to get your own personal stylist with Daily Look. Head to DailyLook.com to take your style quiz and use code smoshmouth for 50% off your first order. Once again, that's daily look.com for 50% off. And make sure you use my promo code, Smoshmouth, so they know I sent you one last time, dailylook.com and promo code Smoshmouth.

[Sandy Top]

Should we go back to the show? Should we go grab brunch? Am I right?

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, I'm busy.

[Sandy Top]

Okay, back to the show.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what? I

[Sandy Top]

and Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual, even

[Teresa Canto]

if it means sitting front row at a comedy show. Hey, everyone, Check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Sandy Top]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Sandy Top]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent. Liberty. Liberty.

[Teresa Canto]

Liberty.

[Sandy Top]

Liberty.

[Teresa Canto]

Wanna do. I wanna be buried deep in the sand and I want them to do a clam bake over me. Oh, I wanna be buried deep. I want them to set up the wood. And I want my whole family to feast on lobsters and clams and shrimp and scallops and bay scallops. Seasoning, a little potato, little blood sausage. And I wanna be underneath it. So I want to be the fire that's burning through the food.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, that's just so romantic.

[Teresa Canto]

And then they eat and they pop open, you know, bottles. I love a Kim Crawford. Yeah, I love a mum. A mum. Sparkling is for very good times. A vuv. If you're very. If you're very fancy.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, I love a vuv.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. So I want a clam bake in my honor.

[Sandy Top]

That sounds so that. Is that. And is that custom in New Jersey?

[Teresa Canto]

You know what? It's not.

[Sandy Top]

Sorry. Where Sandwich.

[Teresa Canto]

Sandwich is in. It's in the, you know, Cape Cod. So you get over Bond Bridge. There's Mathis Vineyard. You go to Falmouth. And then Sandwich is like the oldest town there. And then you got Chatham, Provincetown, Howitz

[Sandy Top]

and so have you done a clam bake burial for someone before?

[Teresa Canto]

You know what? One of my exes wanted to do it and we decided.

[Sandy Top]

No, you decided. After he passed, his body wasn't in

[Teresa Canto]

good shape, so we didn't want that.

[Sandy Top]

It would affect the clam.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

So, yeah, you have to kind of be pristine.

[Teresa Canto]

You have to think about the food first.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

You know, it's important if the lobster's the right temp. And you know. But you know what, we sang a song in his. In his honor, so that's so lovely. But he, you know, he. We burned him to a crisp on top of a mountain.

[Sandy Top]

The mountains of Massachusetts.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. So it's not actually a mountain, it's a cliff.

[Sandy Top]

Okay.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. So it's overlooking the. The ocean.

[Sandy Top]

That's lovely.

[Teresa Canto]

We have cliffs in Key West.

[Sandy Top]

We do not. We don't have cliffs. It's only two square miles of sand there now. Other. There's so many keys now. And I've. I have had my fair share of stories in all the Keys. Key Largo Key.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, like that song, Key Lago Montego.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, are we gonna. Are they gonna kill us if we do that? Oh, I've heard they can.

[Teresa Canto]

They can come and try. I called.

[Sandy Top]

I called Shane once and I said you should sing songs.

[Teresa Canto]

He picked up.

[Sandy Top]

He picked up. Oh, I think I. Well, what I was doing is good for you. I was changing my number around so that I would make it.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, did you do Star six seven?

[Sandy Top]

I did. Star six seven.

[Teresa Canto]

Good for you. That's the only way to get them to pick up.

[Sandy Top]

And so I tricked him and. And so he picked up and I said this Sandy. And he couldn't hang up then because then he would feel bad. He's a guilty. He's a guilty little.

[Teresa Canto]

He seems like a little pussy.

[Sandy Top]

He's an absolute little.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, he seems like a guilt. Guilt ridden boy. Yeah, he seems like a puss.

[Sandy Top]

And I started talking to him about just giving him tips like an aunt does.

[Teresa Canto]

Of course.

[Sandy Top]

And I said, they need us. Oh, they absolutely need.

[Teresa Canto]

Our advice is important.

[Sandy Top]

What would they do without us?

[Teresa Canto]

No, seriously. I mean, who are they going to call?

[Sandy Top]

I'm shocked he's managing at all.

[Teresa Canto]

I don't understand how that boy dresses himself. It seems like he cries every five minutes.

[Sandy Top]

I know. And he.

[Teresa Canto]

It's kind of sad to me.

[Sandy Top]

I know. He Looks. Sometimes he looks like if the Pillsbury Doughboy tried to wear jeans. Oh, my God. And I'm just like, what are you doing?

[Teresa Canto]

I don't even know how those jeans fit his body.

[Sandy Top]

I don't.

[Teresa Canto]

So, you know, I was thinking, what's wicked weird is that it's like his body are two big, tall, like, trees, like trunks. And then how does he put. You know, it's like he has no curves whatsoever. Right. Except in his arms.

[Sandy Top]

Kind of just a pillar.

[Teresa Canto]

He's just a pillar.

[Sandy Top]

Just like a. Like a. One of those old Greek pillars.

[Teresa Canto]

He's. Yeah, he's like a Greek one.

[Sandy Top]

Just.

[Teresa Canto]

But not in the main museum, like in the back room.

[Sandy Top]

Right, right. Not in a good way.

[Teresa Canto]

No, no.

[Sandy Top]

In a bad way.

[Teresa Canto]

No. Like when I went to Greece, I was like, wow, there's so many. So many. So many statues here. But. But there's a background with it, with a.

[Sandy Top]

Where the stuff that Michelangelo kind of gave up on.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, he. He half finished it.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

And that's kind of like what Shane is to me. He's like a, you know, a thing.

[Sandy Top]

I agree.

[Teresa Canto]

Anyways, he seems like something I could, you know, get to know. I hope he's nice to my niece. He seems like he's nice to her sometimes.

[Sandy Top]

He seems okay. I think he's. He's definitely shy. I don't think he's. I think he's still figuring out how to talk a little bit. I love that they gave him this show, clearly, as a bit of an exercise for him to learn how to talk.

[Teresa Canto]

It seems like a test.

[Sandy Top]

Cause he just doesn't seem like he knows. But I told him, I was like, you should sing more songs on the podcast. And I think people would like to listen because people mostly, when they're songbird, when people drive, they're wanting to listen to songs. He is not a songbird.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, goodness gracious.

[Sandy Top]

I don't even think. I don't know what he listens to.

[Teresa Canto]

I don't know how he got this job. Because my sweet niece, you know, she's a songbird. She's a dancer. She's an erotic dancer sometimes. I actually heard she stopped doing that, of course, for the part.

[Sandy Top]

And I did that myself. Margaritaville, Sanji.

[Teresa Canto]

Shut your mouth.

[Sandy Top]

Margaritaville, senoritas.

[Teresa Canto]

No way. Were you wearing those big ass heels, you know, those six inch heels, massive heels. Talk to me about that.

[Sandy Top]

So how was it? It was incredibly hard. Now they were six inch heels on top of the fact that they were also platform shoes. So they were Massive.

[Teresa Canto]

Okay. Okay.

[Sandy Top]

They were basically. We called them boardwalks.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, God. Nothing better than a boardwalk.

[Sandy Top]

A boardwalk shoe. And so it was massive. Made me look like a giant.

[Teresa Canto]

And.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. Now our whole bit was that we'd love to go up and downstairs. The senoritas love to go up and down stairs. That was our whole thing. So we're actually. It was less dancing, more like skittering up and down stairs.

[Teresa Canto]

So you would just go it up and down the stairs, up and down to a beat of the music or

[Sandy Top]

to the beat of the music. We would also have trays of food that we would bring to people's tables.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God, that's hot.

[Sandy Top]

And so we were doing that, and

[Teresa Canto]

quads will lit up.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. And it was a lot. And. And people fell. People died.

[Teresa Canto]

People died.

[Sandy Top]

People died. We lost. We lost most soldiers. Most of the senior senoritas, they. They passed during the job.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, my God. It was hard, hard work that.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what? Death comes to you so fast. Sometimes doing what you love to do,

[Sandy Top]

it really happens to you.

[Teresa Canto]

That's really sad.

[Sandy Top]

They had no railings.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God. So you had just.

[Sandy Top]

Back. Back in the 80s, when we were doing this, they didn't have railings on the second floor on the stairway. Oh, my God. So if you tripped and you fell, you fell.

[Teresa Canto]

We're done.

[Sandy Top]

And concrete.

[Teresa Canto]

Concrete.

[Sandy Top]

Concrete. Yeah, concrete. And if you didn't die, they'd make sure that they would let you lay there and they would let it happen.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, because they, you know, that's a lawsuit on their hands if you fall and you don't die.

[Sandy Top]

They can't. Because if they try to resuscitate you, then they get the money that's on them.

[Teresa Canto]

Do you think anyone has fallen on purpose to kind of get, you know, the. Oh, no, no. Okay.

[Sandy Top]

That makes you there. I tried to save some of them.

[Teresa Canto]

How did you try to save them?

[Sandy Top]

Well, as I remember, once, Maria, she fell off and I tried to grab her hand.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, goodness.

[Sandy Top]

Holding her hand. But I remember we were only allowed to speak in Spanish. Oh, goodness. And so I couldn't say anything.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, you were silent.

[Sandy Top]

And she was saying Spanish to me, and I didn't know if she was saying Spanish, if she was saying. If she was saying to save her or let her go. I don't know the Spanish words for those things. So I just let her go. I let her go. I had to assume that she was saying.

[Teresa Canto]

Did she ever use the words pour favor?

[Sandy Top]

Yes.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

So, okay, so is that save me? It's please.

[Teresa Canto]

So I'm assuming she probably said, save me.

[Sandy Top]

Well, she was saying, or, let me go, please.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what?

[Sandy Top]

You were like, let me go, please.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Of course.

[Sandy Top]

You don't know. We will never know.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, yeah, let me go, please. She probably wanted some independence. She'd probably like, if I'm gonna die, I'm gonna do it by myself.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

That's what I would want. I would never want someone to save me.

[Sandy Top]

No, let me save myself.

[Teresa Canto]

Give me a Vikings.

[Sandy Top]

I'm an independent woman. I can save myself.

[Teresa Canto]

Absolutely.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

You know, when we went on. When we went on this road trip, I was like, you know, I wasn't sure. I'm gonna be completely honest. I don't know. I don't know squat about the keys.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

I know that it's, you know, I know that we're salt to sea over here.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

But I thought, you know what? We're going in with one purpose in mind. And I'm glad because I can't see at night when I drive. You know, these glasses are. You know, there's nothing in here. Nothing.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

So I was struggling, so I was glad that you could drive the rental car at night.

[Sandy Top]

But, you know, and I don't have a license. But I just. I knew that I could just go for it. I knew that I. And I trusted. I trusted. And how hard can it be, you know? Because I could drive a boat. I have my boating license my whole life.

[Teresa Canto]

Of course, it's easy to get a boat.

[Sandy Top]

You can drive a boat. You can drive a car.

[Teresa Canto]

You. You, you drive a. But just don't, you know, just don't hit rocks and don't hit another boat.

[Sandy Top]

Don't hit a swimmer. That's all the rules are. And I feel like that's no different in a car.

[Teresa Canto]

No, agree. Don't hit. Don't hit.

[Sandy Top]

Don't hit rocks.

[Teresa Canto]

Don't hit an oncoming.

[Sandy Top]

Don't hit another boat.

[Teresa Canto]

But you know, what was crazy is so we started in Indiana, and then we were going to California, and. And what was great, I love that we stopped in Louisiana.

[Sandy Top]

That was fun. Oh, we had a time.

[Teresa Canto]

That was nice.

[Sandy Top]

We French Quarter.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, French Quarter.

[Sandy Top]

We drank so many grenades.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God. And then we got, you know, and then we. We got dancing, and we were in that cemetery for a long time.

[Sandy Top]

A long time. And I couldn't. And. And don't you forget, here's the thing that people don't know. We see ghosts.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, yeah.

[Sandy Top]

We see ghosts.

[Teresa Canto]

So. So podcasts so podcast people and Facebook and Facebook Marketplace. You know, we see ghosts. So Sansi.

[Sandy Top]

And I see ghosts now. And I see everybody here is doubting that.

[Teresa Canto]

Do you know what's crazy?

[Sandy Top]

And that's okay.

[Teresa Canto]

I see a couple ghosts in here too.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, I see ghosts in here too.

[Teresa Canto]

And you know what I see? I see them right over their shoulder, and they're whispering something in the ear, and they're telling them what to do with their lives. And you know what they're not doing? They're not listening. And you know what that ghost is called? Intuition.

[Sandy Top]

That's right. And that is the most important thing.

[Teresa Canto]

And you know what I don't see?

[Sandy Top]

What do you don't.

[Teresa Canto]

I don't see a ghost on your shoulder.

[Sandy Top]

I don't see any. I don't feel any ghosts on my shoulders. Ghosts on your shoulders? I see ghosts over there.

[Teresa Canto]

Wait, you see a ghost on my shoulder?

[Sandy Top]

I see a ghost on your shoulder.

[Teresa Canto]

Okay, Wait.

[Sandy Top]

He's got a very thin mustache.

[Teresa Canto]

Yep.

[Sandy Top]

Goes out very, very far.

[Teresa Canto]

Okay.

[Sandy Top]

He's wearing. He's wearing big old pants.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, yeah.

[Sandy Top]

Wearing tight little jacket.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, that's. That's very weird that you say that. Does he have a Macarena?

[Sandy Top]

He's got a.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what I'm saying?

[Sandy Top]

What's that? He's got a Macarena. He's got a mock. They're called Macarenas. Yeah, he's got two little Macarenas.

[Teresa Canto]

So. He's got two little Macarenas.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. I think he must have been in a band of some sort. Probably far in the back of the band. Not that important. You can tell he's not resolved that he was not the star.

[Teresa Canto]

He's not the star, and he wants

[Sandy Top]

to be the star, and that's why he's here in the studio. But it's. You cannot go. You cannot be the star. You need to let go. Your dreams did not happen. You are a failure. You need to leave.

[Teresa Canto]

Wait, hold on. That's wicked weird. I just felt like a whoosh in my ear. A little jingle, jingle, and thank you.

[Sandy Top]

Mm. Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

Did he go?

[Sandy Top]

He left.

[Teresa Canto]

You are so powerful. You are so powerful. You know, I thought only people from the East Coast. Massachusetts was powerful. But. But. But the Keys is a powerful place.

[Sandy Top]

That's a very powerful place. It's the most southern point of the United States.

[Teresa Canto]

Really?

[Sandy Top]

Yep.

[Teresa Canto]

At its southern tip.

[Sandy Top]

So, you know, Southern tip, that's like.

[Teresa Canto]

You know, that's like P Town. That's the most Southern.

[Sandy Top]

That's the most northern tip.

[Teresa Canto]

It's not a southern tip, but it's a tip.

[Sandy Top]

It is the tip. It's the most farthest east.

[Teresa Canto]

Yes. It's a big tip.

[Sandy Top]

I think they say it's the most east.

[Teresa Canto]

Yep.

[Sandy Top]

The. The sandwich of the east.

[Teresa Canto]

So. Yeah. And you know what I think about the ocean is that a lot of people don't understand is the ocean is bringing in memories and they're taking out ghosts.

[Sandy Top]

It's the salt of the sea soaks up. You know, it soaks up the memories and demons, and they're all there in Key west because the currents go down there.

[Teresa Canto]

My favorite thing to do is to talk about death. Yeah, I like it.

[Sandy Top]

I love talk about death.

[Teresa Canto]

I love it.

[Sandy Top]

We talked about death so much on our road trip.

[Teresa Canto]

On our road trip, I talked about all the people that have passed in my life. And, you know, I try to. I call up Amanda and I say, you know. You know, sweetie, you know, I want to talk to you about someone who's died. And she keeps going, theresa, you gotta stop with that.

[Sandy Top]

She doesn't want to hear anything.

[Teresa Canto]

Why don't these young people want to hear about all the people dying?

[Sandy Top]

I don't understand.

[Teresa Canto]

It's important to respect the dead, and it's important to talk about very sad things as often as you can.

[Sandy Top]

Amanda's just a very. She seems, like very. She's very cold. She very hard.

[Teresa Canto]

She actually is kind of a cold. A cold woman. So she's. She's very standoffish, Right? Aloof.

[Sandy Top]

Huh?

[Teresa Canto]

She's not as friendly as everyone thinks she is. She's actually kind of rude. She was a rough child. Let me just say.

[Sandy Top]

You FaceTimed her at one point. We were driving, and when you hung up, and I said, are you really gonna take that? Are you really gonna take that?

[Teresa Canto]

And I'm very grateful for you, Sandy, because normally I'd kick that. I'd kick her in the shins. Right. Like I do Ricky often. Right. But, you know, I. I thought it seems like a lost cause with her.

[Sandy Top]

It does seem like a lost cause.

[Teresa Canto]

Like, she seems like she's already too far gone.

[Sandy Top]

I know.

[Teresa Canto]

And maybe it's Hollywood.

[Sandy Top]

I think it's Hollywood's gotten to her.

[Teresa Canto]

I think Hollywood's gotten to her because

[Sandy Top]

she's one of the elites now.

[Teresa Canto]

She had her hair done, and I was like, what are you doing? Relax, it's me on the phone.

[Sandy Top]

And she wears all those colors.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God, she's so bright. And this is the brightest thing that I own.

[Sandy Top]

I know this is the black dog. You got to be careful, because I'd say salmon's about as bright as you ever want to go.

[Teresa Canto]

So what's crazy is actually this is coral.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, it's coral. I know that from Key west, and there's lots of coral.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. So this is coral, but everyone thinks he's salmon, and I'm like, salmon.

[Sandy Top]

What? That's a different. That's a different place.

[Teresa Canto]

That's a farm. Raised.

[Sandy Top]

Farm. Raised salmon.

[Teresa Canto]

Not good.

[Sandy Top]

Have you seen wild salmon swimming up the Yemen? Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

No.

[Sandy Top]

So I took a Greyhound from Key West.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

All the way to Indiana. What a trip I had.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, you said it was brutal.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, it was so brutal. Gotten so many fights.

[Teresa Canto]

Fist fights.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, I bet you lay it down. Oh, you probably knock some teeth out.

[Sandy Top]

I lay the hammer down. They called me Thor by the time I got off.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, goodness. Oh, my goodness.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, my goodness. Several windows were broken on my grand.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my goodness.

[Sandy Top]

I had a great time.

[Teresa Canto]

You're Thor and I'm Iron Man.

[Sandy Top]

You are Iron Man.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. Or have you ever done an Iron Man? Do you want to do an Iron Man?

[Teresa Canto]

You know what's crazy is I've only ever done a tough mudder, and I've always wanted to do an iron Man.

[Sandy Top]

You've done a tough mud.

[Teresa Canto]

I've done a tough.

[Sandy Top]

Oh.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, Sandy, you don't know. You don't know who I was 20 years ago, I did tough mudders like it was fucking Tuesday.

[Sandy Top]

I didn't know they had those back then.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, they had stuff where you're running in mud.

[Sandy Top]

Were you just running in mud? Maybe. That's so great.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what? Yes.

[Sandy Top]

That's. That's all it was my.

[Teresa Canto]

It was my papa's backyard, and he got it all wet with a sprinkle,

[Sandy Top]

and I ran, and you just ran through it. Well, that's. If that's not a. If that's not tough.

[Teresa Canto]

It was.

[Sandy Top]

I don't know what is.

[Teresa Canto]

And, you know, I didn't win an award, but I felt really tough.

[Sandy Top]

We used to do mud wrestling over at Margaritaville, and I was the champion over there.

[Teresa Canto]

In the heels.

[Sandy Top]

In the heels.

[Teresa Canto]

My God, someone could lose.

[Sandy Top]

Kicking was allowed.

[Teresa Canto]

You're a badass.

[Sandy Top]

Thank you.

[Teresa Canto]

Did anyone die during that one?

[Sandy Top]

Yes.

[Teresa Canto]

Okay. This episode of Smoshmouth is sponsored by Casper Shane. You sleep, right?

[Sandy Top]

Do I sleep?

[Teresa Canto]

No. But, like, do you sleep well?

[Sandy Top]

I guess not super great lately. I've been a little uncomfortable. I, you know, haven't gotten enough sleep. How did you know that?

[Teresa Canto]

I could tell you need a Casper mattress. They make reliable, high quality mattresses designed to deliver consistent, comfortable sleep night after night. Casper's mattresses are highly rated by Consumer Reports. And out of 99 mattresses, Consumer Reports named Casper's the 1 Mattress. Their top rated all foam mattress of 2026.

[Sandy Top]

Okay, but I need it to be durable and long lasting. I don't want to replace my mattress every few years.

[Teresa Canto]

Whoa. Casper checks all those boxes. They are designed to withstand the test of time. And Casper has their 100 night risk free trial. So you can give Casper's mattress a try risk free. Although with 110,000 plus 5 star reviews, I'm sure you're gonna love it like I do. And you'll look great once you get some rest.

[Sandy Top]

Do I not. Was that. Is that in the script or.

[Teresa Canto]

I slept on my Casper mattress last night and let me tell you, I feel amazing. Like, I feel like I came out of a fog. My body feels really good. I honestly probably could have slept all day. And I can tell I look really good. Which you meant to say.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

Right. Now, save up to 30% on mattresses and up to 35% on everything else. When you go to Casper.com one last time, that's C-S-P-E-R dot com. And save up to 30% on the mattress you deserve.

[Sandy Top]

Is it in the teleprompter that I don't look good?

[Teresa Canto]

Yes. Yes. They wrote it. I didn't write it. It's crazy. I think you look great. I don't know who's saying that.

[Sandy Top]

For sure, for sure, for sure. It just felt implied. All right, back to the show.

[Teresa Canto]

Back to the show.

[Sandy Top]

Doesn't Angela write some of them?

[Teresa Canto]

I think Angela writes all of them.

[Sandy Top]

Oh. Huh. We met up in and Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual.

[Teresa Canto]

Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show. Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Sandy Top]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Sandy Top]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent. Liberty. Liberty.

[Teresa Canto]

Liberty.

[Sandy Top]

Liberty, Indiana.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

And we met up at a bus stop and, oh, this bus stop reek to poop.

[Teresa Canto]

I was like, why don't you?

[Sandy Top]

I got off of it and I said, let's run.

[Teresa Canto]

God, I miss the Ocean, like this is a nightmare.

[Sandy Top]

And we ran down the street to an enterprise.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, yeah. With our bags.

[Sandy Top]

Because you didn't have a car. But how did you get to Indiana?

[Teresa Canto]

Such a long story. So, so, so, so, so my good friend, he's a. He's a lobster fisherman. He owns a motorcycle. And I said, I never am gonna get on a motorcy once in my life. Never once in my life.

[Sandy Top]

And I'm. I'm crazy as. But I will never get on a motorcycle.

[Teresa Canto]

You seem crazy as. I like you.

[Sandy Top]

I'm out of my goddamn mind. But I will knock it on a motorcycle. I'm not that crazy.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, Sanji, you know, same. You know, ditto, because I'm out of my goddamn mind, because you know what I said, fine, do it. Put me in the back. Put. Give me a helmet at least. So I rode on this motorcycle, praying to, you know, St. Anthony just like, save me. Find me, you know. Anyways, so we take the motorcycle. After 10 minutes, I say, I'm done with this. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. You know, the Bible says you can't get on a motorcycle.

[Sandy Top]

Chapter Corinthians 13:5.

[Teresa Canto]

Yes, very good chapter. Took me a month to read that one. So I get off, and this guy is just sitting there in a Ford pickup. And I say, hi. And he goes, you need a ride? And I go, yes, sir, I do. I gave him five bucks. We talked the whole way, all the way up to Indiana. That was five hours.

[Sandy Top]

Sounds like an angel.

[Teresa Canto]

Six hours. You know what I think he was? I think he was my guardian angel, probably. Cause you know what he said? Is your name Ter? And I said, teresa. And he said, I thought so. It seemed like there was a T. Yeah. I don't know what he. I think he was gonna say Tina, but I took it.

[Sandy Top]

I think everything happens for a reason.

[Teresa Canto]

So do I. And you know what I felt? You know the craziest thing that I felt, Sandy? I felt this overwhelming feeling of deja vu. And I was like, I've been here before. This is my life path. This is what I need to do in life.

[Sandy Top]

I like to think that in every. Maybe in every life, at some point, you were on your way somewhere, and that guardian angel showed up in some sort of wagon or horse or boat or maybe a camel.

[Teresa Canto]

Not motorcycle.

[Sandy Top]

Not motor. Well, no.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, a camel.

[Sandy Top]

Your guardian angel would never show up in her motorcycle.

[Teresa Canto]

That's why I got off. Because, Sandy, I felt. I felt. I felt pain, you know, in my left foot, perhaps.

[Sandy Top]

That was a demon.

[Teresa Canto]

So when you feel pain in your shoulders, it is demon.

[Sandy Top]

It's a demon. So I was like, that's the demons on your shoulders. They got those little pitchforks there and they go stabbing in there.

[Teresa Canto]

They go, Teresa. Teresa, yeah. So the guardian angel called me in and his name was Floyd.

[Sandy Top]

Floyd, like the barber shop?

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. Oh, there's one in California. La. You know what I was thinking? Crazy, crazy subject change. I kind of want to do a shave cut and two lines right here. I got here and I went, everybody's rocking that.

[Sandy Top]

And I want that, but you got to be careful. Why? Because. Well, they're rocking that around here in California. But it's. Sometimes I don't know what. I don't know what kind of.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, do you think they're part of a cult?

[Sandy Top]

Like a Viking?

[Teresa Canto]

Well, okay, here's the crazy part is I. If there's a cult that has anything to do with the Vikings, I would like to join it.

[Sandy Top]

You would like to join a cult

[Teresa Canto]

that has anything to do with the Vikings?

[Sandy Top]

We'll have to look for that.

[Teresa Canto]

So I bet. I bet on Facebook we can find.

[Sandy Top]

If we should find cults on Facebook. Yeah, I bet we could find a Vikings.

[Teresa Canto]

Because everyone says they're trying to get out, and I'm like, I'm trying to get in.

[Sandy Top]

I've never been part of. I mean, my nephew and other family members have said that I have been part of cults, but I don't think I've ever.

[Teresa Canto]

You don't think margarita. The margarita place was.

[Sandy Top]

No, that wasn't a cult. That wasn't a cult. And I mean, there was one time where I was selling pans while I was selling pans to. I had a bunch of pans and I was giving my friends pans, and if they sold. If they gave their friends pans, and so I would make. We would all make money. But that wasn't a cult. That was if we have all so many pans, and it was the panhandle of pans is what they call it.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, yeah.

[Sandy Top]

And so I was thinking, no, this isn't a cult. This is. This is a great opportunity for all of us to make so many.

[Teresa Canto]

Perfect opportunity.

[Sandy Top]

If I can give people pans, they can make money off of it, then I'll do that.

[Teresa Canto]

And you know what's great is everybody needs a pan and it's never gonna

[Sandy Top]

go out of the pan.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what's crazy is I actually, you know, my. My good friend Charlotte, she sat at a jewelry party. So she started the party, and you go to the potty and you pick out jewelry and you go, I want that one. And she goes, sell it to five of your friends, and then you'll get the money.

[Sandy Top]

And that sounds amazing.

[Teresa Canto]

It's actually perfect. And everyone kept saying, you know, you're in a pyramid scheme. And I said, I don't even know what that is.

[Sandy Top]

A pyramid. I've never been to Egypt.

[Teresa Canto]

I would love to.

[Sandy Top]

I would love to see that.

[Teresa Canto]

I would love to go to Egypt and understand what these pyramids came to about.

[Sandy Top]

As far as I know, pyramids, they have, like, powers of some sort of.

[Teresa Canto]

The dead is buried there.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

So speaking of the dead, if you do something naughty, you're buried underneath it. You're buried underneath. You're in a sarcophagus in the pyramid, and you're buried very deep underneath. Have you seen the Mummy?

[Sandy Top]

I've seen them.

[Teresa Canto]

It's everything that you need to know.

[Sandy Top]

And that's all real.

[Teresa Canto]

It's all the history is right there. So there actually was that guy. He was actually buried in that place. An Oxana Moon was his lady. And so then, you know, there actually was a Brendan Fraser.

[Sandy Top]

It was a real man.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, yeah. He played a real man, which I thought he did very good research job on him. He's a very funny guy, Brendan Fraser. He's a funny guy.

[Sandy Top]

So funny.

[Teresa Canto]

He feels like, you know, afraid of. Stay out of me.

[Sandy Top]

Oh. Oh, yes. I. I should tell Shane to watch that movie so he can learn how to be funny like that.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. So I. I wanted. I'm glad that you brought that up because, you know, I'm watching the podcast, right? Through clips that I find on Facebook, and I'm like, oh, this is fun. They're talking about fun stuff, solving problems, and Amanda's making me laugh, laugh, laugh.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. And then Shane talks, and it's kind of like.

[Teresa Canto]

It's. It's like.

[Sandy Top]

It's like a little bit of a bummer.

[Teresa Canto]

No, I want to go, like, you know, in Gladiator, when they go. That's what I want to do.

[Sandy Top]

I know.

[Teresa Canto]

I want to go.

[Sandy Top]

Just.

[Teresa Canto]

I just want him to. I want to shake him and go, you know, take a class.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

Find. Read about comedy.

[Sandy Top]

It's clear that he's devoid of passion.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. So you can tell through his whole body.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. Oh.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh.

[Sandy Top]

The way himself.

[Teresa Canto]

I'm not. I'm not inflamed with creativity.

[Sandy Top]

He's like. He's like, if you let a child play with. Play doh for a Little bit. And they make something and they like, here's what I made. But it's kind of hard.

[Teresa Canto]

They're like, look, it's a pond. And you're like, oh, you just flatten the play. D'oh.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah, that's him.

[Teresa Canto]

Whereas Amanda's like, look at the frogs. And, you know, there's a tree coming out. And guess what? There's a fairy on top.

[Sandy Top]

Right?

[Teresa Canto]

She's a. But I like what she does.

[Sandy Top]

Right. I agree.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

So we met up in Indiana, and, yeah. The car we got was so silly.

[Teresa Canto]

It was a Mustang.

[Sandy Top]

It was a Mustang convertible.

[Teresa Canto]

Convertible, which, you know, it took us 20 minutes to open the top. Oh, I was like. I was like, you know, sandy, top, open the top. I know.

[Sandy Top]

And here I am trying to jam back the thing.

[Teresa Canto]

You almost broke it.

[Sandy Top]

You have.

[Teresa Canto]

You have the strongest arms I've ever seen in my life. Well, yeah, I mean, boating and, you know, saving. Well, not saving people.

[Sandy Top]

Not saving people from dancing and then sailing around.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, yeah.

[Sandy Top]

Key West. You know, if. If you're. If you're opening up masts all day. If you're. You know, if you're.

[Teresa Canto]

Of course, if you open up a mask, the wind can catch you from

[Sandy Top]

working ropes all day. My. My bicep lips, they are. They are big.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what's crazy? You.

[Sandy Top]

You.

[Teresa Canto]

You took off your. You took off your sweatshirt, and you have a little tank top on, and I was stunned.

[Sandy Top]

I know it scares people. This on. So that people aren't frightened by me, because really, my demeanor is so polite.

[Teresa Canto]

Your demeanor, so. But I like the strength that you have underneath you because.

[Sandy Top]

Absolutely.

[Teresa Canto]

As someone who also works, you know, I shucks base scalps all day long, so I'm raking base scallops.

[Sandy Top]

And your wrists are thick.

[Teresa Canto]

My wrists are very thick, so I can't actually wear watches. None of them. They. They unclasp enough. I never know what time it is. The only thing.

[Sandy Top]

And that's your curse.

[Teresa Canto]

The only thing. I know what time it is based on the sun going down because I'm out there with my dumbass son Ricky, and we're scraping the, you know, the bay for scallops. And I go, what time is it, Ricky? And he goes, duh. And I go, look at the sun. And then I go, oh, it's the sunset. And I. You know, I love him. He's my first and only.

[Sandy Top]

But dumb is dumb.

[Teresa Canto]

Dumb as rocks. So anyways, you open the Mustang. So we're in Indiana.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. So I open. I finally get it open. Several bats fly out.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, this, this thing was covered in bats.

[Sandy Top]

Covered in bats.

[Teresa Canto]

I mean, my God.

[Sandy Top]

And they've been telling us to get rabies shots since that happened, but I

[Teresa Canto]

don't think I need it. I don't. I don't want pain in my, My rats. Other than the devil.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

So.

[Sandy Top]

But we get into this Mustang and we start driving and, you know, we decided how we do things. We weren't gonna look up and print out directions from Google.

[Teresa Canto]

Nope.

[Sandy Top]

We were gonna ride. Because if we drive west, we're gonna get to California. All roads lead to Hollywood.

[Teresa Canto]

All roads lead to Hollywood. So, you know, so. So we get in the car and I put on, you know, my book on tape, which is one of my favorites of Patricia Cromwell. And, you know, we do 10 minutes of it, but we're basically talking the. Who? I have to go back.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. I don't recall much from it. No.

[Teresa Canto]

Because we were talking.

[Sandy Top]

It kind of felt like she was just in the back seat talking.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. So I put her on low because it helps me concentrate to have someone talking constantly. But, you know, she was getting into. And.

[Sandy Top]

And you only know how to talk over people, so I think it actually helps you.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, well. Yeah, well, well. You know, I actually think I'm just, you know. Yeah. So I connect. I, I, I, I, I, I process things by. I. I'm actually a very good listener, you know? You know. You know, but a lot of people tell me that I, I, I, I don't know, silence, and I don't understand why I would even need to know silence.

[Sandy Top]

Well, in the silence is when the ghosts come out. That's when they're both scared of that.

[Teresa Canto]

That's when the loudest. Remember in Sixth Sense when he finally turned it up and all he heard was that guy talking in Italian or Latin? That's what I'm afraid of. So.

[Sandy Top]

And the aliens. And the aliens show up and they hit him with a baseball bat.

[Teresa Canto]

So that's signs. What did I say? I said Sixth Sense. So two different movies.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, I thought those were connected.

[Teresa Canto]

No. So, same M. Night Shyamalan.

[Sandy Top]

I thought that was kind of like a Titanic situation where you, what, you put in one VHS and then you put in the second VHS and you're watching one movie. So I, I thought those were one movie.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what's wicked weird is that they could be one movie.

[Sandy Top]

I think they could be one because actually.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. Because it's the same.

[Sandy Top]

Did you ever see the Village where it's this bald kid who can move air With God was that airbender guy was incredible.

[Teresa Canto]

I was like, whoa. The airbender is in the village and Ron Howard's daughter is there too. And you know what? She looks just like Ron Howard.

[Sandy Top]

And. And they spoiled the ending that it was all the fire demon people.

[Teresa Canto]

It was a fire demon, but.

[Sandy Top]

And then they spoiled it so they had to say, oh, no, it was the parents doing it.

[Teresa Canto]

I know, but it was definitely it.

[Sandy Top]

It ruined it.

[Teresa Canto]

You know, the airbender kid. I know.

[Sandy Top]

I can do that. With water. With water.

[Teresa Canto]

Wait a second.

[Sandy Top]

I can do it. I was one time, so I was in Key Vista.

[Teresa Canto]

Is that part of the Keys?

[Sandy Top]

It's part of the Key Vista, one of the lower keys.

[Teresa Canto]

It's a kind of a Vista means visit in Spanish. Oh, yeah.

[Sandy Top]

When we find out what let go means in Spanish, can you. I think I would really like. Well, we'll go back to my book

[Teresa Canto]

on tape when we leave the studio to go to go out to, you know, breakfast.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

I'll. I'll find out. Let go. I think there's. It's in like chapter five.

[Sandy Top]

Okay. I would love some closure on that. Yeah, I really would like that. Anyways, so we were in Key Vista and we were out by the mangroves. We were up in waist deep water and we were looking at the manatees that were there. They were swimming around.

[Teresa Canto]

Gorgeous creatures.

[Sandy Top]

And I started to move my hands and I noticed that the water was rippling underneath my hands.

[Teresa Canto]

Get out.

[Sandy Top]

And my hands were a good foot above the water and I was doing this and they were rippling. I said, I said, nancy, Nancy, look over here.

[Teresa Canto]

Who's Nancy?

[Sandy Top]

Nancy's my friend.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, okay. Good friends.

[Sandy Top]

My platonic friend. And she looked over.

[Teresa Canto]

Okay, trust me, I understand. Platonic friend.

[Sandy Top]

And so she looks over and I said, look at, look at this. And she said, no, there's little tiny fish in the water and they think you're feeding them. And I said, no, water's moving.

[Teresa Canto]

Did you have, you know, clam juice on your fingers or something? Did you have any residue? You know, if you have any leftover food on your fingers?

[Sandy Top]

You know what? I have residue on my hands. And so I wasn't actually a water bender.

[Teresa Canto]

No, no, no.

[Sandy Top]

I realized, no, it was just wall. It was just the little tiny fish and probably little tiny shrimp, and they were probably skittering around.

[Teresa Canto]

No, don't stop, don't stop.

[Sandy Top]

The. The briny stuff was falling off my hands. So I realized I'm not actually a water bender. So that's the Fun thing to realize right now, but.

[Teresa Canto]

So I do, I do want to apologize for saying what I said.

[Sandy Top]

No. And because I didn't mean to. Teresa, everyone needs someone like you in their life to bring them back down to Earth, you know, and here I was. Yeah, here I was, out in space, having a good time.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

Think it like thinking that I'm special. But everybody needs, Everybody needs. Everybody needs someone like you, Teresa, to remind us that actually I'm just some stupid bitch. Well, that actually I'm not.

[Teresa Canto]

Sandy, listen, I like to ank. I like to really wrap my ank around people and tug them back down to earth.

[Sandy Top]

Back down.

[Teresa Canto]

I, I, you know, for a second, here's the deal. I did believe you. And, and, and I wanted to say to you that anyone who's that close to water has magic.

[Sandy Top]

So thank you for saying that.

[Teresa Canto]

I know that, you know, your hands were covered in, you know, food, but.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

Those fish, they didn't know who you were, so they were, they were experiencing.

[Sandy Top]

And in a way, I was, I was, I guess, in a way, kind of water bending in that I was influencing the fish. And so that was. Yeah, that was kind of making current and currents are made by fish. Oh, that's.

[Teresa Canto]

No, it's true.

[Sandy Top]

Because when they swim schools, it causes the water to move, and they cause the waves to break, and that causes, Causes water. Yeah. So, anyways, I think at the end of it all, I. My opinion's not changed.

[Teresa Canto]

No. No. Actually, you know what? I think that you're an, you know, a waterbender, and I'm a pyromaniac.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, yeah. Well, you were lighting a lot of fires. We never got to stay anywhere too long because you would like fires. We would leave a diner, and I'd be like, that place was nice. And you'd be like, not for long.

[Teresa Canto]

Not for long.

[Sandy Top]

And we get in the car, we see it just, Just right.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, it was, it was. You know, there's something about old wood. I just got to get my hands on a matchbook and light it up.

[Sandy Top]

I know something changes in you.

[Teresa Canto]

I, I, I don't know what it is.

[Sandy Top]

And I kept taking matchboxes from you. I'd say, give me that, and I would take it, but you just kept coming out of coming out of nowhere.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, I go to restaurants and I collect matchbooks, but there's just something about wood. And I see it from afar, and I can smell it, and I just go, that wood needs to be disintegrated. I know it needs to be lit Up.

[Sandy Top]

You have a hatred for wood.

[Teresa Canto]

It's not a hatred. It's just like a disapproval.

[Sandy Top]

Uh huh. You. You won't.

[Teresa Canto]

I wanted to see. I want to see it burned.

[Sandy Top]

Do you feel that way about trees when you see, like, a forest?

[Teresa Canto]

No. So trees are living.

[Sandy Top]

Trees are living.

[Teresa Canto]

Trees are living.

[Sandy Top]

But. But dead. But. But dead wood.

[Teresa Canto]

Here's my deal. Here's my deal. You know what wood is? Trees been slaughtered.

[Sandy Top]

It's so right.

[Teresa Canto]

It's like trees that have trees that are corpse and death. So I. I'm going there to avenge the tree. So I see a dumbass diner that serves, you know, mild pancakes. They weren't even there.

[Sandy Top]

They were mild. They were buttermilk. They put way too much whipped cream on them. And it's like at that point, it's like you are. You are giving up.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, giving up.

[Sandy Top]

You are trying to hide.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, giving up what?

[Sandy Top]

What you have done.

[Teresa Canto]

You know, the coffee. The coffee was fine, but I was like, lady, go back in there and, you know, fix whatever this is.

[Sandy Top]

I know.

[Teresa Canto]

So anyways, I sit in there and I mean, you know, mid pancakes. And I look and I go, oh, look, it's all the slaughtered trees of America. I must avenge it. So you were telling a story about one of your exes, and I honestly couldn't hear it because all I could hear was the wood. Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

Is that real wood?

[Teresa Canto]

Let me fix my hair. One second. Yeah, let's get up and check this out.

[Sandy Top]

I think. I think this isn't real wood.

[Teresa Canto]

Smosh mouth. Oh, that's the name of the podcast.

[Sandy Top]

And this isn't real, Brick. This is plastic.

[Teresa Canto]

This isn't real.

[Sandy Top]

No, none of this is real.

[Teresa Canto]

These legs are real. Wow, showing feet. Hey, who's this?

[Sandy Top]

Oh, that's the gorilla that fell in love with Robin Williams.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. On. Wait a second.

[Sandy Top]

There's that gorilla that. Have you seen that video? They were. It's a gorilla that loved Robin Williams.

[Teresa Canto]

Wait a second. Was that in the movie Patch Adams? No.

[Sandy Top]

It might have been. It might have been. Oh, so I love gorillas, and you love gorillas, and you love lighting things on fire. And who doesn't?

[Teresa Canto]

This episode of Smoshmouth is sponsored by AG1. Sometimes in life we need a little support. Maybe it's support from your co host once in a while. Or maybe it's support from AG1.

[Sandy Top]

I'll always support you, Amanda.

[Teresa Canto]

You're right, it's true. I was just joshing you. Whether that's digestive support, a boost in energy, or just daily reassurance. AG1 delivers 75 plus ingredients in one simple scoop.

[Sandy Top]

In one scoop. 75 plus ingredients.

[Teresa Canto]

Yup. AG1 helps fill those nutritional gaps. Okay, picture me. It's morning, like 5am I'm up before everyone else. I'm feeling a little low energy. My tummy is not awake yet. I pour my daily ice cold glass of water and put one scoop of AG1 and stir. I drink that in the morning while I prepare for the day and I tidy up. And I do this every day. And honestly, I have been feeling so, so good. AG1 improves key nutrient levels within three months.

[Sandy Top]

I just like that I don't have to take 50 vitamins in the morning.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, and also their AGZ, their sleep and restore it is amazing. So it comes with a little frother. You put it in like a hot liquid. I have the chocolate mint flavor and you just froth it up. And at night it's like a little treat. And I, I swear to God, it automatically like, like calms down my brain. It tells my body it's time for rest and I, I truly get like a really restful sleep with it. It's amazing.

[Sandy Top]

That's amazing.

[Teresa Canto]

Visit drink ag1.comsmoshmouth to get an AG1 flavor sampler and a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2 free in your welcome kit with your first AG1 subscription. A $72 value. That's drinkag1.comsmoshbo mouth. Back to the show.

[Sandy Top]

Back to the show.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, I said it, so you still had to say it.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah, cuz I was, I was supporting you. You know, I wish I never said that.

[Teresa Canto]

So I, I, I.

[Sandy Top]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go

[Teresa Canto]

to help someone customize and save on

[Sandy Top]

car insurance with Liberty Mutual.

[Teresa Canto]

Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show. Hey everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Sandy Top]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Together we're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Sandy Top]

Anyways, get a quote@liberty mutual.com or with your local agent. Liberty. Liberty.

[Teresa Canto]

Liberty.

[Sandy Top]

Liberty.

[Teresa Canto]

I did come out to, you know, my family saying I'm a pyromaniac.

[Sandy Top]

And they said we're so brave for that.

[Teresa Canto]

And I'm so brave for that. Thank you. And you know, I've never been to therapy.

[Sandy Top]

Good.

[Teresa Canto]

I don't, I don't think it's, I don't, I don't need it.

[Sandy Top]

And I hope. I hope Shane puts that message forward on this show because. And I think that's the message that we want to put out there. That it's bad for you.

[Teresa Canto]

It's bad. You know, there's nothing that. There's nothing that you need to work out. The only thing that you need to work out is, you know, how to get the wood from the diner and how to light it on fire.

[Sandy Top]

Right, right.

[Teresa Canto]

And the only. You know. You know what my therapy is? You know, watching old movies. That's. That's my therapy.

[Sandy Top]

Therapy.

[Teresa Canto]

And a little bit of masturbating. Just a tiny bit. Just like a small amount. Because I think it really, you know.

[Sandy Top]

Well, at our age, we've gotten so good at it. I'm very efficient.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, at our age, Are you kidding me?

[Sandy Top]

Every time.

[Teresa Canto]

One minute flat, I'm done.

[Sandy Top]

When we were driving, we had an understanding that whenever we came to a porta Potty or anything, it was like we'd go into a separate ones. Doors, closed doors. We were different.

[Teresa Canto]

You know, all those times that I said I needed to poop, I didn't. I needed to rub one out.

[Sandy Top]

Women are aged. We don't poop.

[Teresa Canto]

Poop. Of course not.

[Sandy Top]

No. We're only going into the Porta Potty to.

[Teresa Canto]

Anytime a woman our age says they're going to use the bathroom, we know what they're doing.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

And are you thinking about something in particular when you do it? Because I can think about food and do it.

[Sandy Top]

I could think about. Yeah, I could think about a fresh

[Teresa Canto]

grilled cheese with fresh tomato and melted cheese and go, I'm coming.

[Sandy Top]

Be careful, be careful, be careful. I'm gonna need to find the bathroom here.

[Teresa Canto]

I don't think there is one.

[Sandy Top]

There isn't a bathroom.

[Teresa Canto]

So I learned that, you know, they

[Sandy Top]

have a kind of a. Well, I thought they had one bathroom and I kind of looked at it, but they kind of had it Roman style, where it's just. It's just a bunch of toilets all around the wall. No privacy. And they all stare at each other when they doing it.

[Teresa Canto]

No, These kids are crazy. They all kiss each other. They all pee in front of each other. I'm just like, find a private place and do the damn thing.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

So do you use two fingers or one finger? That's four. Wow. Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

You cover more.

[Teresa Canto]

You are seriously the bravest woman I've ever.

[Sandy Top]

I'm good now. It's almost like I'm wiping and it's just like.

[Teresa Canto]

You wipe and you're done.

[Sandy Top]

Basically, yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

Do you know what I do?

[Sandy Top]

What do you do?

[Teresa Canto]

A quick circle. I go in for one second. I come out, done. Anyways, I love a podcast. I think I love a podcast. You know why? Because I feel free.

[Sandy Top]

We should have our own podcast.

[Teresa Canto]

Shut the fuck up.

[Sandy Top]

And, you know, this type of. This type of stuff we're talking about, this is what people really want to hear.

[Teresa Canto]

People really want to hear.

[Sandy Top]

What I think we're doing is two. Two.

[Teresa Canto]

Everyone's too polite.

[Sandy Top]

Two women. Just talk about whatever we want to talk about. No. Not afraid of anything. And. And. And, you know, we don't need a man here. I think we could call it, like, call a podcast. Like Call her Daddy or something like that.

[Teresa Canto]

Call her Daddy.

[Sandy Top]

That would be a great podcast.

[Teresa Canto]

So. So I would. So. So when we're calling D. When who's calling a daddy?

[Sandy Top]

We call each other Daddy, maybe.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God.

[Sandy Top]

Think about that.

[Teresa Canto]

I actually really like that. Do you think Call of Daddy is taken?

[Sandy Top]

No, no, no. It's too original.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, I love that.

[Sandy Top]

Now I'm not. I've never listened to a podcast before, except for the clips of this one.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, I've listened to Books on Tape.

[Sandy Top]

That's the same thing, right? And I think. Well. And I don't know how to put them out. We could record them. What I think we do is we record a bunch, put them on a tape, and then we sell them at

[Teresa Canto]

bookstores or you know what? So when we get to California, I heard that Venice beach, you can actually sell your stuff there, and you can make a lot of money.

[Sandy Top]

Theresa, I have something to tell you. We're in California, I believe. Oh, I think this is. Well, we're in.

[Teresa Canto]

I thought we were in a studio.

[Sandy Top]

We're in Oxnard.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God.

[Sandy Top]

I think we did make.

[Teresa Canto]

I got all turned around because we went to Indiana. We went to Louisiana.

[Sandy Top]

We went to Louisiana. We went up to North Dakota.

[Teresa Canto]

We went up to North Dakota next, which I liked. I liked that journey. It felt. It felt very, very.

[Sandy Top]

Mount Rushmore was not as good as I thought it was gonna be.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what? I couldn't even see what their faces were.

[Sandy Top]

No, they.

[Teresa Canto]

They were not chiseled in. And I wanted to climb it. We're not allowed to.

[Sandy Top]

It wouldn't let us.

[Teresa Canto]

And then we went back to New York, which I thought was fun and different.

[Sandy Top]

It was really different.

[Teresa Canto]

But then we went all the way to Texas.

[Sandy Top]

Texas. Oh, and that was. What a ride.

[Teresa Canto]

There's beef everywhere.

[Sandy Top]

There is a lot of beef.

[Teresa Canto]

And I was like, well, we're gonna have to fill up, so I'm glad that we took barbecue home with us.

[Sandy Top]

I know in the car, I had someone walk in on me and the outhouse there.

[Teresa Canto]

Did they see.

[Sandy Top]

I was only there for 30 seconds and they saw. They saw at the swipe, that swap. Mid swipe. You hate to have someone catch a mid swipe.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what you hate.

[Sandy Top]

And I can't stop at that point. The inertia is going. The momentum started.

[Teresa Canto]

You're all coiled up.

[Sandy Top]

My. You've seen my arms. They're massive. The amount of strength, the amount of torque I'm putting into that swipe. There's no stopping it. Iconic was made.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, goodness gracious.

[Sandy Top]

Poor cowboy.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, he probably shit his pants.

[Sandy Top]

He did shit his pants. Well, he needed to go, oh, right. But he didn't make it. I was sitting on the toilet seat. Well, standing above the toilet seat. Squat. Love it.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, good for you. You know what? I do it. I just do it right next to the door and I don't lock it. Oh, I kind of want to get caught.

[Sandy Top]

Oh.

[Teresa Canto]

But I don't actually fully pull my pants down. Down I go from the back. So anyway, so. So we were in Texas, and.

[Sandy Top]

We were in Texas.

[Teresa Canto]

The barbecue was. It was. It was pretty good.

[Sandy Top]

Pretty good. It was fire in the hole. I think it's okay. Yeah, I think. I think Texas barbecue. Overrated.

[Teresa Canto]

It's. It's definitely overrated. Sauce is why all you need is ketchup and ranch.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

So. So then we went to Texas.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. And they got their names for their hot sauces that make no sense. Atomic bum.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God.

[Sandy Top]

I'm just like, okay, it's hot. And I. And I just drank that shit down. Doesn't affect me.

[Teresa Canto]

It was yummy.

[Sandy Top]

Nothing's like Key west sauce.

[Teresa Canto]

You weren't chugging hot sauce.

[Sandy Top]

I was chugging hot sauce. See, you like to make fire and I like to drink fire. And that's why maybe I'm a bit of a firebender in a way.

[Teresa Canto]

So. Okay, so you're a firebender. Well, you know what's crazy? If you are a water bender and a firebender, how would they both work? Because one's gonna put out the other.

[Sandy Top]

Maybe I'm the Avatar.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God, that movie was so good.

[Sandy Top]

That was the best movie ever.

[Teresa Canto]

I've never seen a better movie in my life. James Cameron is a sea creature, right? Is it James Cameron?

[Sandy Top]

Yeah, that's. No, you're talking about the movie where. Where, Where. Where where, where he goes down. Where he goes down to the bottom of the ocean and there's the sea creatures there.

[Teresa Canto]

So that's Avatar.

[Sandy Top]

That's Avatar, isn't it?

[Teresa Canto]

Where Kate Winslets in it. I'm talking about Avatar.

[Sandy Top]

No, you're Kate Winslet's Titanic.

[Teresa Canto]

No, she was an Avatar too.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, was she really?

[Teresa Canto]

She played a travel woman and I was like, huh, okay.

[Sandy Top]

Is that okay?

[Teresa Canto]

You know what? It's not. It's not for me to judge.

[Sandy Top]

It's not for me to say either,

[Teresa Canto]

but I feel like. I feel like. No. Anyway, so James Cameron's actually one of the best directors I've ever. I've ever. I've ever seen.

[Sandy Top]

Have you met him?

[Teresa Canto]

You know, here? Yeah, I had a dream about him. You know what I did the next day? To the bathroom.

[Sandy Top]

A hardcore 10 seconds.

[Teresa Canto]

That was quick.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah, it was like a way crashing. Exactly. Sometimes when you see the right movie, you're just like, oh, my gosh, Pulp Fiction, as Good as it Gets.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what? Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson. I was like, I like him. You know how. You know how he's not cute, but then he's very cute.

[Sandy Top]

Right? Right.

[Teresa Canto]

You know my favorite movie?

[Sandy Top]

What?

[Teresa Canto]

And my favorite actor ever, Cocktail with Tom Cruise.

[Sandy Top]

Oh.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh. He's making cocktails on a beach. And I said, I'll quit everything. I'll leave my son. I will move to the beach.

[Sandy Top]

I'll light shit on fire for that.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh. Oh. That's what I want to do. I want to light shit on fire at the beach and make out with Tom Cruise.

[Sandy Top]

Absolutely.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what?

[Sandy Top]

What?

[Teresa Canto]

I want many more Mission Impossibles.

[Sandy Top]

Oh. I want the missions to get more and more impossible, but he doesn't.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God. You know what he should do?

[Sandy Top]

What should he.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what he should do? He should try swimming. I've never seen him swim.

[Sandy Top]

You're so raw.

[Teresa Canto]

Every Mission Impossible, you know, he's jumping out of a plane, he's jumping off a cliff. He's, you know, talking to, you know, it's scary. Women or men who have ex men. But I've never seen him swim. Try swimming.

[Sandy Top]

They should do another one. Mission Impossible. And he's in the sea.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my goodness.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, and I could be an extra in that movie because I can swim so good.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what? They wouldn't even be able to catch

[Sandy Top]

you on camera because they'd be swimming so fast. That happens. I outswam a barracuda once.

[Teresa Canto]

How did you do that?

[Sandy Top]

Well, see, I had my earrings on. They're Very sparkly. And so barracuda attracted that, and it started coming towards me. And I said, I need to swim so fast. Oh, my God. And so I swam. I. I can do butterfly underwater.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my goodness.

[Sandy Top]

Nobody's ever seen that before, but I can do it. And I think that might be why I'm probably a little bit of a water bin.

[Teresa Canto]

But I think you're definitely a waterbender.

[Sandy Top]

And so I'm. I'm.

[Teresa Canto]

You're doing butterfly underwater.

[Sandy Top]

Underwater. And I'm moving so fast.

[Teresa Canto]

And barracuda can take off your whole foot.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, and it almost got me.

[Teresa Canto]

So it was chasing your shiny.

[Sandy Top]

Your shiny, shiny earrings. And I was moving fast, which made them shine even more. And then. And that's why I'm not wearing them today, because I didn't. You know, I've never driven through so many of these states. And I was like, I don't know if they have barracuda.

[Teresa Canto]

You know what's crazy?

[Sandy Top]

Because we were bathing in the rivers and so I was like, in case there's barracudas.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, Big sir was very nice for me. I jumped in that river naked, and, you know, the kids started running and I was like, relax. I know, it's fine.

[Sandy Top]

That's scary. Oh, you've never seen a woman before these before.

[Teresa Canto]

Relaxing. Anyways, you know what's crazy for me?

[Sandy Top]

You caused three splashes when you jumped in the river.

[Teresa Canto]

I jumped in. There was a. One big splash, a second splash, and then there was a third splash from all the way. All the way. Like half a mile away. That was me. Double ease, man. You take them out of the bra, you don't know what's gonna happen.

[Sandy Top]

You gotta throw them in there like you're casting a line.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, of course. And you know what comes up? Catfish.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah, they'll grab one.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, my God. I definitely have a nipple bitten. And it was awful.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, gosh. But then you have dinner.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, yeah. They hang on. And I go, gotcha.

[Sandy Top]

That's right.

[Teresa Canto]

My bare hands.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

Do you know what's crazy? What Is I stopped wearing wetsuits when I swim. You know why? Because in the.

[Sandy Top]

In.

[Teresa Canto]

In Sandwich and Chatham and Cape Cod, there's great whites.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

And they'll think you're a sleepy little seal.

[Sandy Top]

Mm. So I've heard about that good friend

[Teresa Canto]

of mine got eaten by a shack.

[Sandy Top]

That's too bad.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. He's okay then.

[Sandy Top]

So that's too bad. We have hammerheads in Key West.

[Teresa Canto]

Scary, scary.

[Sandy Top]

Very scary. But if you catch on to them, you get to ride them like a motorcycle. Only type of motorcycle I'll ride. Grab both. Both eyes. If you. If you put your hands.

[Teresa Canto]

You blind it.

[Sandy Top]

If you blind it, then it can't see. And then you get to steer it where you want to go.

[Teresa Canto]

Start it right now.

[Sandy Top]

And that's how I got. When I started this trip. That's how I got from Key west to Key Largo.

[Teresa Canto]

Okay, so I was gonna ask you how you got through all the keys,

[Sandy Top]

which I still don't. Cause there's no gray hangers. Cause they can't go there. Cause the bridges will collapse under them.

[Teresa Canto]

So you took a hammerhead shark.

[Sandy Top]

I took a hammerhead shark all the way to Key Largo. And from Key Largo, I was able to walk up to. To. To. To Apollo Beach. And then from there, I was able to get a greyhound.

[Teresa Canto]

Apollo Beach? Is that where, you know, Apollo did the liftoff?

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

That's probably why they didn't make it.

[Sandy Top]

So they have NASA down there. Oh, they made it? Well, some of them did. Eleven of them made it. Apollo 11 made it, I think. Apollo.

[Teresa Canto]

I don't know. I got all my research from Armageddon. That's a very good movie. And I thought, okay, well, I know NASA. I get it now.

[Sandy Top]

I love that movie.

[Teresa Canto]

So Bruce Willis was a very.

[Sandy Top]

Thank God they did that, because so

[Teresa Canto]

many lives could have been.

[Sandy Top]

And that's incredible.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. So you know what? I. I'm very proud of you for doing a Hammerhead. Because, you know, riding a hammerhead, you know, being on a Hammerhead, you know, I'm proud of, you know.

[Sandy Top]

You know, and I'm proud of you. You did so much. Your journey all the way to Indiana. I could tell that it took a toll on you, a more emotional toll on you.

[Teresa Canto]

Floyd. Floyd just, you know, he chucked my ear off, and, you know, I didn't get a wink of sleep. And you know what's crazy is when he dropped me off, he told me to tuck and roll. So I opened the door and I actually tucked and rolled out. Out to the bus stop to meet you. So when I came up, I was actually crawling on the, you know, highway to get to you.

[Sandy Top]

We had to take you to a hospital to get. Get stitches.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, yeah. My whole shin, all the top layers, obliterated.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

But the drugs are very nice that they gave me.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. And you're still taking them?

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. Of course, they said I should as much, as long as I feel uncomfortable. And I had. I had to pee earlier, so I felt a little uncomfortable.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

Teresa and Sandy. Shane and Amanda have questions they want to ask you.

[Sandy Top]

Oh.

[Teresa Canto]

Before we go.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, okay. Oh, Shane. Oh, they.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh.

[Sandy Top]

So they didn't show up, but they have questions for us. That's so nice.

[Teresa Canto]

So they said they were gonna show up and take us to breakfast, but I guess they'll meet us at the breakfast place.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah. Okay. Okay, great. All right.

[Teresa Canto]

What's the questions after this episode? Would you consider each other your best friends? Listen, I know that you have this friend, Nancy, that you keep talking about,

[Sandy Top]

that you did a lot of stuff.

[Teresa Canto]

She.

[Sandy Top]

Lovely.

[Teresa Canto]

That's fine.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

I just want to say to you, I'm an independent woman. I've got my son Ricky, who I do love a lot. I don't need you to be my best friend, but I very much enjoy your company.

[Sandy Top]

I think I feel the same way. I think I feel. I see in you not necessarily just like a best friend, but more of, you know, a dynamic duo. Oh, perhaps. Perhaps we like. I think you are a liability in ways that I wouldn't want in a friend. But I think you are someone that I would want in war. For if we are taking on challenges, businesses, men, fair. I would maybe want you on my side. Trust me. But I wouldn't trust you.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, okay. Okay.

[Sandy Top]

I would trust you on a personal sense, but in a business sense, I would. I would rely on you. I know you could get done.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, that makes me very happy that you would feel that way, because I think in a business sense, I would appreciate you because it feels like you've traveled a lot and you definitely have lived, but I think, you know, I did. I shouldn't have shown you the fire part of me.

[Sandy Top]

People, you really shouldn't.

[Teresa Canto]

But.

[Sandy Top]

But you did. And. And so I know that now. But that's okay. That's who you are. You're a criminal. And that's okay. And you know I am, too.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, yeah, it seems like you, you know, you didn't help a lot of ladies when they were on their way out.

[Sandy Top]

No, no.

[Teresa Canto]

And you know what? Here's the deal. It's late in my life, okay? But not too late. And I accept you. And. And your words, criminal to me, is your opinion.

[Sandy Top]

That's. And you know what? That's true.

[Teresa Canto]

And it's your opinion, and I can't control your opinion. The only thing I control is my reaction. And right now, I'm okay.

[Sandy Top]

And that said, that says a lot.

[Teresa Canto]

You know, Are you gonna light this

[Sandy Top]

studio on fire when we leave?

[Teresa Canto]

Well, not this room, okay?

[Sandy Top]

They Did.

[Teresa Canto]

It's a nice. It's actually, I like that they have the Robin Williams gorilla. And it's a gorilla from Mighty Joe Young.

[Sandy Top]

Right. That's the same one.

[Teresa Canto]

Big. So not this room.

[Sandy Top]

Okay.

[Teresa Canto]

But I did see a lot of nice rooms with all the cast pictures. And those frames are wood. And they were screaming. Yeah, they were screaming.

[Sandy Top]

Okay, good to know.

[Teresa Canto]

And I said, I'll get you out of there.

[Sandy Top]

Okay.

[Teresa Canto]

So do you guys have any other advice for Shane and Amanda as they do this podcast? Oh, goodness. I've got so much advice. I should write a book.

[Sandy Top]

I should write a book too. We should write a book together. You read a page. Salton C, Salt and Sea. You write a page, I write a page. You write a page. I write a page. You write a page, I write a page. Noodles for chicken soup noodles. Oh, I love chicken soup noodles. For the soul.

[Teresa Canto]

Right? So. So. So if I were to write advice on the first page, I would say trust your instincts.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

Trust no one.

[Sandy Top]

Right.

[Teresa Canto]

But care for them. Listen to them. Eat as much seafood as possible. Talk to strangers. Don't pick up the check, but add to the tip. Wear your seatbelt. Call your son a dumbass because later he'll thank you because it'll add humor. And find a porta Potty whenever you can.

[Sandy Top]

I love that the only self reflecting you need to do is looking at the water on the side of your boat when you're trying to see what's on the end of the line. Pick up every hitchhiker. Pick up every hitchhiker you see. Because a couple will be a dud, but one of them will be your guardian angel.

[Teresa Canto]

Yep. Named Floyd.

[Sandy Top]

That's right. Always do a double. And part your hair down the middle.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, always. And if you have a straightener, it's the best way to get these up.

[Sandy Top]

That's right. And that's some real advice. And that's honestly.

[Teresa Canto]

A curling iron is not your friend. A straightener. Make sure it sizzles and then flick it up.

[Sandy Top]

And I think Amanda needs to hear that.

[Teresa Canto]

That I'm gonna tell her. And I cannot wait to see what. What? She comes.

[Sandy Top]

I hope she listens to you.

[Teresa Canto]

I hope she listens. Because the last thing I want to say too seize the day. But seas is spelled S E A S. You get it?

[Sandy Top]

I think I get it.

[Teresa Canto]

Wow.

[Sandy Top]

I love to eat breakfast. I have chills. I have chills all over.

[Teresa Canto]

I have chills.

[Sandy Top]

I'm gonna have to go to the bathroom after this.

[Teresa Canto]

Which one?

[Sandy Top]

True.

[Teresa Canto]

There's so many Bathrooms. But you know what's outside? Porta potties.

[Sandy Top]

Porta potties. Any other questions from.

[Teresa Canto]

Any other questions from the audience? Do you have a little bit more respect for Shane and Amanda now that you've done this? Was this easy? Was this hard? This was literally the easiest I've ever done in my life. I think what they do is actually kind of wicked easy.

[Sandy Top]

It's. It's. It's kind of embarrassing.

[Teresa Canto]

They work hard. Like what?

[Sandy Top]

I don't want to.

[Teresa Canto]

I could sit here for days.

[Sandy Top]

He can't pick up my calls. He can answer his phone while he's doing this.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, Seriously, this is. This is easy. I actually think we did a better job.

[Sandy Top]

I think we did a better job now. You know, send us messages on Facebook if we did a better job.

[Teresa Canto]

You can find me at Teresase the day clambake soon.

[Sandy Top]

And you can find me at Sandy topspukashell stand.

[Teresa Canto]

This is a good one. So those not booker shells. It's so interesting that you talk about.

[Sandy Top]

You gave these to me before because we were coming on. I said, do I look like shit? And you said, yes.

[Teresa Canto]

And I said, well.

[Sandy Top]

And I said, give me some necklace.

[Teresa Canto]

And I said, I got you some necklace. So.

[Sandy Top]

And you frisbeed it across the room and it landed over my head.

[Teresa Canto]

I orange that shit right around your neck.

[Sandy Top]

Thank you so much for that.

[Teresa Canto]

You're so welcome. And also, I do appreciate that you're wearing diamonds on your glasses.

[Sandy Top]

They're real.

[Teresa Canto]

No, I know. Last question.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, my God.

[Teresa Canto]

I don't like this one.

[Sandy Top]

I'm running out of breath.

[Teresa Canto]

Did anyone wish you a high Happy Mother's Day? It was yesterday. No, my son. Okay, okay, okay. Listen to this. My son wished me happy Mother's Day. Yeah.

[Sandy Top]

That's so sweet.

[Teresa Canto]

In a text message. Yeah. And then he sent, you know, he sent like a. A hot break. Are you yawning? Are you yawning? No, I'm talking about my son Ricky.

[Sandy Top]

I was gulp. I had a little bit of saliva in my mouth and I gulped it.

[Teresa Canto]

You were yawning with your mouth closed.

[Sandy Top]

I wasn't yawning.

[Teresa Canto]

Wow. All these days together and you yawn when I talk about my son's sweet taste text anyways.

[Sandy Top]

That sounds so sweet.

[Teresa Canto]

It was just. He said, happy Mother's Day. Wish it was different with a hot and then a break. And I said, love you, Ricky. Stop playing games, you stupid idiot.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah, anyways, that's how I love sl. Yeah, that's. That's tough to have such a Dumb.

[Teresa Canto]

Seems like we need to put old grandma to bed right now. Okay.

[Sandy Top]

Okay.

[Teresa Canto]

Okay, Sandy.

[Sandy Top]

All right, Teresa, let's. Let's settle down, okay?

[Teresa Canto]

Let's put Sandy to bed. Or maybe a hammerhead could ride her to bed.

[Sandy Top]

Okay, let's. All right.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, let's. Let's get, you know, you know, you know, dancing again.

[Sandy Top]

Okay. All right. Let's settle down. Teresa. Need to.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh.

[Sandy Top]

Try not to light this place on fire. Okay. All right.

[Teresa Canto]

Morphine is kicking in.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah, liquid morphine. It's pretty impressive.

[Teresa Canto]

Don't talk to me while I'm trying to swallow. No.

[Sandy Top]

Trying to stifle a yawn there.

[Teresa Canto]

No, I'm fully awake and alert. Yeah, I only sleep when you're driving.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, well, good. Glad that. Glad you got to have that opportunity.

[Teresa Canto]

Don't fight with me.

[Sandy Top]

You would drive for an hour, and then I would drive for eight.

[Teresa Canto]

I told you I couldn't see the road.

[Sandy Top]

Okay. It was middle of the day.

[Teresa Canto]

The glare and the sun when you're driving is really. It hits.

[Sandy Top]

Okay, yeah, sorry. I'm yawning because I'm tired from driving for weeks. Because it took us weeks to get from Indiana to California.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. Okay. Well, you wanted to go get beignets, and I said, we gotta go see Mount Rushmore. So we basically did a zigzag.

[Sandy Top]

That's true. That's true.

[Teresa Canto]

I mean, at one point, we were in Canada, and I said, how do we get here?

[Sandy Top]

And we said we wanted to try.

[Teresa Canto]

Huh?

[Sandy Top]

We said we wanted to try Aswan. Oh. And it was so good, I could

[Teresa Canto]

swim in an ice wine. I want to go to bed in the freezing cold.

[Sandy Top]

I know. But then once we did that, we wanted barbecue from Texas, so we went down to Texas, and I said, oh, let's go up to Montana. Oh, yeah, I want to see those bison. Bison. Well, all right.

[Teresa Canto]

I want to get some food.

[Sandy Top]

Okay.

[Teresa Canto]

And I heard that they've got some good food in California.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah, avocados.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, that's what I want. I just want toast and avocado on it.

[Sandy Top]

I think that's all they have here.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, okay.

[Sandy Top]

No meat.

[Teresa Canto]

That's fine. Well, I still have some leftover barbecue in the cooler.

[Sandy Top]

Oh, I think it's still.

[Teresa Canto]

Well, Sandy.

[Sandy Top]

All right. Teresa, it's been a.

[Teresa Canto]

It's been an absolute journey with you.

[Sandy Top]

It's been just such a wild spin around this sun.

[Teresa Canto]

I've been flip flopping, spinning. Well.

[Sandy Top]

Well, all right.

[Teresa Canto]

Captain to captain. Fisherman to fisherman. We could keep going.

[Sandy Top]

Yeah.

[Teresa Canto]

They're saying that we should get off. But honestly, we could just keep going.

[Sandy Top]

Time to sink this ship, I guess.

[Teresa Canto]

Where are your shoes?

[Sandy Top]

Lost them back in Nevada.

[Teresa Canto]

Oh, I love that we went to Nevada. That was one of our last stops.

[Sandy Top]

We meant to go to Vegas. We ended up in Reno, which was basically Vegas.

[Teresa Canto]

It was the same.

[Sandy Top]

It was the same. I mean, they had. Yeah, it was basically the same.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah. Yeah. That guy was crazy.

[Sandy Top]

That guy. Boy, he was, like, spinning around, Spinning around.

[Teresa Canto]

And he had two balls in his hands. I know there were basketballs, and he was juggling them.

[Sandy Top]

Juggling them with one hand.

[Teresa Canto]

And then he had. And then he, you know, he had a martini on a table.

[Sandy Top]

And I. I said, where'd you get that? And he threw a basketball at me. And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go

[Teresa Canto]

to help someone customize and save on car ins, even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Sandy Top]

Hey, everyone.

[Teresa Canto]

Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Sandy Top]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Teresa Canto]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Sandy Top]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent. Liberty. Liberty.

[Teresa Canto]

Liberty.

[Sandy Top]

Liberty.