#147 - Try Not To Laugh: The Podcast (Elimination Mode) (Again)

Summary

Smosh Mouth Podcast #147: "Try Not To Laugh: The Podcast (Elimination Mode) (Again)"

Release Date: June 8, 2026
Hosts: Shayne Topp, Amanda Lehan-Canto
Main Guests: Courtney Miller, Ian Hecox, Olivia Sui, Noah Grossman

Episode Overview

In this unique episode of Smosh Mouth, the crew brings their popular "You Laugh, You Leave" video format to the podcast realm—complete with rotations, inside jokes, and the ever-present threat of elimination for laughter. The episode is chaotic, infectiously silly, and packed with behind-the-scenes banter and meta-commentary. Alongside their signature improv, the cast discusses internet finds, wild hypotheticals, and fan-submitted "hometown drama." Themes bounce from nostalgic pop culture to culinary oddities, culminating in a request for explicit grandma fanfic. The result? A quintessential Smosh fever dream.

---

Major Segments & Highlights

1. The Rules: "You Laugh, You Leave" in Action

Timestamps: 01:05-03:30

• The episode’s core structure: Every time someone laughs, they “have to get up and leave,” prompting rapid-fire seat rotations and exaggerated attempts to maintain composure.
• Shayne: "We're playing you laugh, you leave again. So basically if any one of us laughs, we have to get up and leave." (01:05)
• Ongoing threats and playful peer pressure set the stage for chaos.

2. Harambe: Odd Tributes & Running Jokes

Timestamps: 01:15-01:39

• The recording’s coincidence with the 10th anniversary of Harambe’s death becomes the initial touchstone for jokes and absurd "homages."
• Amanda and Shayne riff on Harambe as an angel/devil on the shoulder (01:26–01:34).

3. Accent Battles & Character Bits

Timestamps: 04:40-05:56

• Amanda struggles to maintain a consistent accent when riffing with others, sliding from Boston to Southern and back.
• Shayne’s imitation of Amanda’s struggles and both their efforts to sustain silly voices quickly devolve into laughter and seat swapping.
• Amanda: "Try going from Boston to Southern!" (05:10)

4. The "Potato In The Fridge" Saga (Olivia's Culinary Confessions)

Timestamps: 11:18–13:00 & 43:11–44:14

• Olivia describes boiling a lone potato (kept in her fridge for aesthetic reasons) and eating it in bed on a paper towel, sparking incredulous reactions and deep comedic mining.
• Olivia: "I put in a paper towel, and then I went back to bed. I ate it in bed." (12:37)
• The cast explores unconventional food storage, promotes boiled potatoes, and doubles down on the segment later in the episode, escalating to audience-requested “potato content folders.”
• Amanda (later): "I love eating potatoes just plain. It's so good. Boiled. No salt, no butter. Just potatoes are really popping in." (50:06)

5. Willy Wonka Bed Debates: Incest & Old People Logistics

Timestamps: 15:02–21:08

• The group fixates on the logistics and strange implications of four grandparents sharing a bed in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
• Debating whether the set-up could lead to incest, surprise offspring/half-siblings, and mapping out a ‘true crime’-style investigation; includes suggestions for a live-action recreation with the Smosh cast.
• Noah: "If one pair of grandparents swung with another pair of grandparents, is that incest?" (15:09)
• Courtney: "For a Smosh video ... all of us sitting in the bed like the Willy Wonka movie and we see who's touching where." (20:11)

6. Book Club & Audiobook Attentiveness

Timestamps: 21:14–22:43

• Olivia is reading "East of Eden," sparking a rapid-fire book recommendation segment—Shayne shouts out "Dungeon Crawler Carl" and a nonfiction title about homelessness; the group discusses the audiobook experience vs. reading.
• Courtney: "Would some people consider listening to audiobooks reading still?" (21:53)
• Olivia: "That's not reading." (21:59)

7. Physical Comedy: Flexibility, Therapeutic Stretches, and Jeans in Freezers

Timestamps: 24:09–25:49, 41:41–42:55

• Noah attempts flexible sitting styles, prompting stretches and lamentations over lost flexibility.
• Amanda: "You can. Should I do hear you about. It's all in your mind." (25:49)
• Later: debate over how often to wash jeans (never? 10 wears?), and whether putting jeans in the freezer or boiling them is the ultimate hack.
• Courtney: "Technically, that does kill bacteria ... but it doesn't necessarily get rid of the stink." (51:43)

8. Food Oddities: Branzino, Fish Eyes, and Fish Cheeks

Timestamps: 28:05–29:00, 37:38–38:46

• Olivia’s old podcast "Fish Cheeks" leads to discussion about eating the cheeks and even eyeballs of fish.
• The team debates branzino’s identity and preparation methods.
• Olivia: "She went to a restaurant ... you eat the cheek, and then my friend eats the eyeballs." (28:26)
• The consensus is eyeballs are a step too far but everyone loves a fish debauch (eventually spiraling back into discussions of boiled potatoes).

9. Road Rage, LA Life, and Defensive Insanity

Timestamps: 67:00–73:31

• The boys swap stories of LA road rage, unsafe drivers, escalation tactics, and how to deal with angry strangers on the road—ranging from laughter, feigned confusion, to acting "like a Chihuahua."
• Noah: "I just acted like I was filming the whole time and ... was yelling, wow, you out-crazy them." (72:53)
• Shayne: "I'm just going to make them think that maybe, like, they're in the simulation a little bit." (71:40)

10. Foster Kittens & Cat Adoption Origin Story

Timestamps: 47:02–62:03

• Noah recounts stories of fostering kittens, dubbed “the diarrhea twins,” and the joys and tragedies of cleaning up after animals.
• Courtney shares how she rescued the cat “Baby Bell” and how the stars aligned for Noah to adopt her.
• Noah: "She gave birth to a worm out her butt on our couch." (61:57)
• Amanda: "Incestual old people. Potatoes in fridges without salt or butter. And diarrhea twins." (47:31, perfectly summing up the episode’s themes)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Longevity of Comedy Bits:
  Courtney: "I did a 6, 7 joke like, 10 times this morning." (03:07)
• On Coping With Podcast Dynamics:
  Shayne: “This show, you know what I forgot is painful about this show is when you're off to the sides and then people are like having conversations about things that you want to talk about." (38:07)
• On the Core Thesis of Smoshmouth:
  Amanda: "We have talked about so much wild things. Not enough. It has been amazing and also a fever dream." (74:07)
• Prompting Fan Involvement:
  Ian: "Guys, draw some fanfic, draw. Send us fan fix ... Fan art of the grandparents Porkin." (75:00)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• "You Laugh, You Leave" Rules & Setup: 01:05-03:30
• Potato Story Time: 11:18–13:00, 43:11–44:14, 50:00–50:12
• Willy Wonka Incest Theory: 15:02–21:08, Returns at 74:44–75:08
• Audiobook vs. Reading Debate: 21:14–22:43
• Cat Rescue and Litterbox Tales: 47:02–62:03
• Jeans Washing & Freezer Lifehacks: 41:41–42:55, 51:36–51:56
• Physical Comedy & Stretches: 24:09–25:49
• Ending (Fan Requests & Wrap Up): 74:45–75:23

---

Episode Tone & Vibe

• Unfiltered, Loud, and Ridiculously Silly: The energy is playful chaos, with interruptions, inside jokes, unstructured improv, and oversharing. The hosts and guests constantly rib each other and themselves, refusing to let any topic die (no matter how gross).
• Meta & Self-Referential: The episode pokes fun at the structure of “You Laugh, You Leave,” the crew’s own bits, and reactions to the performance aspect of the podcast.
• Interactive With Listeners: They advocate for audience participation ("send us your hometown drama," "send us fanfic") and deliberate engagement with the Smosh community.

---

Final Thoughts

Smosh Mouth #147 is a showcase of peer-pressure hilarity, tangential deep-dives, and the kind of inside-joke-laden, nostalgia-fueled improv that only comes from years of shared experience. Viewers are prompted to question their own food habits, revisit old movie logic, and draw questionable fan art—while the crew barrels on, cracking each other up and shifting seats, all under the benevolent gaze of Harambe.

Want more chaos? They’re taking requests for a third chapter.

---

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Hi, welcome to Smoshmouth. I'm Shane.

[A]

Okay, you trying to get fucked or what's the deal? Hey, welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Amanda and we have a wonderful guest with us today, Courtney Miller. Hello.

[C]

And that's not all.

[B]

No, we have many.

[A]

I like that I said that.

[D]

Huh?

[B]

Look, I don't.

[A]

It was very.

[B]

Anything you say.

[A]

It was really fun and flirty and I thought you were gonna laugh and you didn't.

[B]

I didn't think it was flirty at all. I was being weird. Oh, I thought you were that what flirting is.

[A]

Should I. I'm actually the wrong person to figure out what flirting.

[B]

We are playing youg laugh, you leave again. So basically if any one of us laughs, we have to get up and leave. And there are. We have many guests in the wings ready to hop in.

[A]

And we're doing this in all in honor of Harambe.

[B]

We are filming this on May 28th which is the 10 year anniversary of Harambe's death.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Wait, does it. Did you do that? Because it looks like in your camera that Harambe's whispering into your ear.

[A]

Yeah, no, he's talking to me.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

He's looking down on me. Well, I guess he's looking over me.

[B]

He's looking over your shoulder? Yeah. He's either the angel or the devil on your shoulder.

[A]

He's an angel. Stop it.

[B]

Now before we start, we do want to mention we want your guys hometown drama.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

If you can post this on the Smosh Reddit. We are looking for hometown drama so

[A]

we can read it.

[B]

What are the stories that happened during your childhood? This could be like your high school stories or just the thing that's known in your hometown.

[A]

They will be anonymous and well, it's

[B]

up to you if you want to

[A]

be anonymous but we are going to read it and talk about it and you know, try to decipher anything about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Give our advice, but probably not.

[B]

Yeah. We just want to see how many parts of America and the world we. We can get.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know how much hometown Drama.

[A]

We want to hear all about the drama.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we also want to talk to you guys about Courtney. We're so excited that you're here. And then, Courtney, you have a cute little camera.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's so cute.

[C]

Did the thing start? Has it started?

[B]

I think it starts now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It starts now, so. And it's fine. And don't freak out. No, do not freak out. If you. It's just if you laugh, you have to get the up out of my

[A]

face, so why are you about to laugh?

[B]

I'm not about to laugh.

[E]

What?

[B]

How dare you say that?

[C]

You seem like you're about to laugh, my guy.

[B]

No, not. Not at all.

[C]

Selena, I'm going to need you to let me know when it's been exactly 69 minutes. Okay? Thank you.

[B]

We cut at 68. We cut at 67.

[A]

I'm not even doing the 67 stuff. You guys need to stop.

[B]

I'm not doing the 67 stuff either. I, to be honest, never did.

[C]

I did a 6, 7 joke like, 10 times this morning.

[B]

That's so up.

[C]

I'm not even joking.

[A]

Anyways, we're done with 67. It's dead to us.

[C]

It's done.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You guys, I. I have actually not heard it outside of here in, like, six months.

[C]

That's not true.

[A]

Or seven months.

[B]

That was good. That was real good.

[A]

He's never given me a compliment like that. It's crazy.

[B]

That was good. No, I teed it up. I think what I. What I realized. I think what I realized with. With the six, seven, is how often we say the numbers six and seven.

[C]

Six or seven things so tight.

[A]

Are you, like, so worried I'm scared.

[B]

No.

[A]

Anyways, if you haven't seen you laugh, you leave the first one. It was really, really fun.

[B]

Very fun. We got a little shout out from Lisa Loeb.

[A]

Lisa Loeb?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Lisa Loeb was like, angela, if you don't know who I am. And Lisa Loeb has her own eyeglasses.

[B]

Big surprise.

[A]

And she talked. She was.

[B]

I mean, that's why I said. I said Angela looked like Lisa Loeb because of the glasses.

[D]

Incredible.

[B]

They were giving Lisa Loeb glasses.

[A]

We love you, Lisa Loe.

[C]

Super kind in complimenting how you said it to her.

[B]

I thought it was kind and complimenting.

[C]

Okay, well, I'm not the only person here, obviously. I can't wait to see who comes out when you guys fricking laugh.

[A]

Nobody.

[C]

Wait, nobody?

[A]

Yep. The chair stays empty, and then it's just Shane and I again. Fuck alone.

[B]

Different wigs and stuff.

[A]

Oh, also, should we bring back the aunts at some point?

[B]

We should. That was a lot of fun.

[A]

I'm gonna address the commenters. Yes, my accent sounded like Christopher Walken. And yes, sometimes it sounded like Boston. And yes, sometimes it sounded Southern.

[C]

It sounds. It is so funny how you really try so hard not to mold into the accent opposite you, and it's okay.

[A]

I will say it is a problem. Anytime I'm around someone with a Southern accent and they're doing it, I have to slip into it. It was so hard.

[B]

You're just, like, mocking them.

[A]

No, I'm not mocking them. It was just hard. I wanted to be Boston. Try going from Boston to Southern.

[B]

I don't really do a Boston. Boston. Hey, I'm from Boston. Boston. Is this, like, Boston?

[F]

Sorry.

[C]

Keep going, James.

[B]

Okay, so I'm from Boston, right? I'm Boston Yard. Now I'm getting up. This guy's.

[E]

This guy's from Boston.

[A]

And here's Ian.

[D]

Hey.

[B]

Please welcome Ian.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

Please welcome Ian.

[B]

Yeah, please welcome. And then I go down to Southern, but then I go back up to Boston. Okay, you see that?

[A]

You're actually doing pretty well.

[B]

Dance.

[A]

I just did try doing it for 90 minutes, bro.

[B]

I did do it for 90 minutes.

[A]

You did Southern.

[B]

I did Southern for 90 minutes, and it was very. And I never switched to Boston.

[A]

No, you didn't. I switched all over. And you know what? That's okay. Not upset about it.

[E]

You guys want to see what's on Courtney's phone?

[A]

I thought that was a picture of you. It's Shane. A. Courtney, you shouldn't have left your phone.

[E]

Sorry.

[A]

He doesn't know your passcode.

[B]

Oh. Oh, I didn't realize Bones is mid. Yell at me in that photo.

[A]

Does your cat yell?

[B]

Oh, God.

[E]

Can you. Can you give us a impression?

[B]

He does.

[A]

He.

[B]

Bones is like a fox. He does a different meow every single meow.

[E]

Do foxes do different meow?

[B]

Yeah, they have foxes.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

What does the fox say?

[A]

This.

[B]

What does the fox.

[E]

I don't know. And I'm still trying to find song

[A]

I've ever heard in my life.

[E]

Amanda, stop.

[C]

Stop.

[A]

That was just for me.

[B]

Get out.

[A]

That was just for me.

[F]

That was ridiculous. Okay. Hey,

[E]

Olivia. Sway. Everybody sway.

[F]

It's me.

[B]

No, so Bones. Bones will be like. He does, like, a lot of, like, chatty stuff. So be like. And then. And then when he gets. Like, really? When he's really hungry, he'll meow in a way where he scrunches his whole face at me.

[E]

He'll be like this just sounds like the. The pork chop sandwiches guy.

[B]

Pork chop sandwiches. Oh, shit. Get the fuck out of here.

[C]

What are you doing?

[A]

Go.

[B]

Get fuck out of here.

[F]

Make me laugh right now.

[B]

Okay, sorry.

[F]

Actually, if I just take over this whole thing, I won't laugh because I'm too busy fudgeing. Talking.

[B]

You're going to make yourself laugh at some.

[F]

No.

[B]

You're going to run out of air and you're going to pass out. And that counts, too.

[F]

No.

[E]

Yeah, and you're going to.

[B]

If you fall asleep and shit your pants, it counts.

[E]

Like you always do. Yeah, yeah, We've seen the poop in your pants.

[F]

You're about to laugh. That is so inappropriate to say to me as my boss.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Ian, all right.

[E]

I don't think I'm. I don't really think I'm your boss.

[F]

That's right, you're not.

[E]

You don't report up to me.

[F]

I don't.

[B]

Olivia specifically does. Olivia, actually. It's this weird carve out.

[F]

Yeah, it's like in my.

[E]

In my concert says, I answer to no one.

[F]

I don't answer to Ian. I'll listen to everyone else but Ian.

[E]

So what's your opinion on shoes, Olivia?

[B]

Okay.

[E]

What's your opinion on clouds?

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Oh, what's your favorite cloud?

[F]

My favorite cloud?

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Like in the sky?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Well, yeah, there's different types of clouds. Lenticular clouds, Kim Leonimbus clouds.

[F]

I think he's making this up.

[B]

No, the Nimbus clouds are.

[E]

That.

[B]

That's a real one. We don't have to talk about.

[E]

You don't have a favorite? You're gonna sit here.

[F]

Are you hot in that?

[E]

Yes.

[F]

Are you going to Iceland?

[E]

I'm dying right now. I'm freaking dying.

[B]

You could take it off.

[F]

Take it off? Just take it off.

[E]

No, because my. My nipples would show then.

[F]

No, it wouldn't.

[E]

You're weighing it, and I'm pretty sure I'm lactating right now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Ian, I do want to say that. Ian keeps saying that he does not talk about milk or lactating. And he's the one who brought it up. So I just want to put that down for the record. Did everyone hear that? Harambe.

[B]

Did you hear that, Bud Harambe. Noah Grossman, ladies and gentlemen.

[D]

Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

[A]

I know.

[D]

Thank you so much.

[B]

Hi there. By the way, we're allowed to have normal conversations.

[D]

Yeah, we are.

[B]

So just want to say, you know, just letting you guys know, like, we're trying to make each other laugh. We're allowed to just talk. We're allowed to just talk, you know,

[A]

so, like, Shane and I are kind of obsessed with, like, horror TV and horror movies all the time.

[D]

Oh, you know what? I just. The series I just finished watching, Twin Peaks. Just finished at this point, dude, which one?

[A]

The original or the remake?

[D]

The original. Yeah, the original.

[B]

I tried to. I tried. So I watched the first season, and then I started the second season. I truly hit a point where I was like, I can't.

[D]

Oh, it gets difficult.

[A]

It gets difficult. But there's something so wonderful and campy cherry pie vibes about anything.

[B]

I think he's just fucking with everyone so much.

[D]

Kind of.

[E]

Right? Like, it's a.

[B]

It's a comedy. You know, Peaks is a comedy. I think David lynch is funny. I think he just truly was like, I can make whatever the hell I want, and people are gonna think that it's deep. Like, why you just fucking with everyone?

[D]

That's your David Lynch.

[B]

Well, I don't actually know how he talks.

[D]

I feel like if you did a date, I feel like it's like, hey, it's me.

[B]

I don't. That is probably. What is that better? Like, I get that. Iris.

[D]

We want to know what the Twin Peaks is about. Ask me.

[B]

Yeah, you want to know what Twin Peaks is?

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Got you.

[D]

Oh, you did.

[A]

Olivia, come back here, juice girl.

[C]

Sit down.

[B]

Hey, you ever wonder if, though, when you walk into Joe and the Juice, do you go, so you got back there?

[F]

You know what I say to him? You guys both just. That is the stupidest thing I've ever

[A]

ru in my life.

[C]

What you got for us, Liv?

[B]

Doing back there?

[E]

Yeah, what is the juice that Joe

[F]

has and is it worth the squeeze?

[C]

It's a lot of pressed juice. I've gone to many Joe's.

[F]

Yeah, they have a really delicious sandwich. They.

[E]

Oh, it's like a trendy sandwich, right?

[F]

Tuna. Spicy tuna sandwich.

[C]

Yeah, I love a spicy tuna. Sammy.

[E]

I wouldn't expect a man named Joe to come up with a sandwich.

[C]

Joe, as in coffee.

[E]

Oh, but there's a. There's a. There's a man on the COVID Yeah, that's not Joe.

[C]

Oh, cup of Joe.

[E]

Oh, yeah, you're totally right.

[F]

The other night I was in bed reading. I got really hungry, okay. So I had one potato in my fridge and I boiled it.

[C]

One potato. You keep your potatoes in the fridge?

[F]

Well, I don't. I didn't want to see it.

[C]

You don't want to see the potato, do you?

[E]

Okay.

[F]

What. What's so funny?

[C]

I'M really hanging on here.

[F]

So I didn't aesthetically didn't want to see the potato in my kitchen.

[E]

Okay. You put in a cabinet, maybe then

[F]

it starts growing green and stuff.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

And it doesn't do that in the fridge. Growing green. I wish.

[F]

You guys can see Shane is so just like, what the hell. Hell is she talking about?

[E]

Okay, so. So you took cold potato and made cold potato into boiled potato.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, I boiled. I put. Boiled one potato and then actually takes a long time to boil a potato.

[C]

Yes, it does.

[E]

How big. How big of a potato are we talking, like an Idaho potato?

[F]

This big?

[C]

A modest potato.

[F]

And then I ate it.

[C]

Okay, how did you eat it? What? Did you pour salt on it or.

[F]

Important question, girl, I feel like I should say. Yes, I did pour salt on it.

[E]

You ate that raw?

[C]

Like just straight up hot water potato for dinner?

[F]

Yes.

[E]

Wow.

[C]

Did you use a fork at least?

[F]

No, I put in a paper towel, and then I went back to bed. I put. I ate it in bed.

[E]

Stop. You ate. You ate a boiled potato in bed?

[F]

Yeah, kind of like, you know, Charlie and the chocolate factory.

[D]

Okay. Grandparents, boiled potato.

[E]

Did they boiled potatoes in bed?

[B]

Oh.

[E]

Oh, just eating in bed.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Living in bed. Rotting.

[D]

Yeah. But they didn't make the food and then go back to the bed. They couldn't leave the bed. All four of them lived in one bed and saved up from the toothpaste factory for one chocolate bar for the whole family to split.

[F]

How does that work? Like, two, four grandparents in one bed. Like, are they. There's something going on.

[E]

Well, there. There. There's this thing. So Charlie and chocolate factory isn't real.

[B]

This episode of Smoshmouth is sponsored by Casper. You know, Amanda, people say you spend one third of your time asleep.

[A]

Only one third.

[B]

Okay. It's not a competition, Amanda, unless it's for comfort, in which case, Casper Mattresses win. Casper makes reliable, high quality mattresses designed to deliver consistent, comfortable sleep night after night. Actually, if you go to Casper.com right now, you could save up to 20% off.

[E]

Ooh.

[A]

Thanks for the tip. You know, consistency in sleep is very, very tricky, and it all has to do with your mattress.

[B]

Seriously. The good news is that in addition to comfort, Casper's mattresses are also built to be durable and long lasting. So you're not replacing your mattress every few years?

[A]

Who has time to replace your mattress every few years? I don't.

[B]

Yeah. Or the money. Casper's mattresses are designed to maintain support and comfort. At the end of the day, you Just want something that's reliable and high quality. Casper has their 100 night risk free trial, so you can give Casper mattresses a try on. Although with 110,000 plus 5 star reviews, I'm sure you're gonna love it like I do.

[A]

I love it. I mean, I slept on my Casper mattress last night and it was amazing. I'm still thinking about it right now. It's like soft and cooling and also firm. Oh, I just want to go back to it.

[B]

That's awesome. Hey, right now save up to 20% on mattresses when you go to Casper.com one last time. That's C A S-P E R.com and save up to 20% on the mattress you deserve.

[A]

Let's go to bed.

[B]

All right. Back to the show. Good night.

[A]

Good night.

[D]

Wait. I want to dive deeper into what you think could be going on.

[F]

What do you guys think is going on in that fucking.

[E]

At that age? Why wouldn't you.

[F]

Wouldn't that get really confusing though? Because, like, it would almost be like incest, but it's not.

[D]

Oh, so you're saying if your grant. If. So, if one pair of grandparents swung with another pair of grandparents, is that incest? Because then what if there's no genetics?

[F]

Right, but, but then they have a baby, right? Then what do you call that?

[B]

Baby?

[D]

That's your father. Now, I think that's crazy.

[E]

Sorry.

[C]

Okay,

[F]

get in here. Let's talk about this. Shane, trying to figure out your diet. Okay. Think about it.

[B]

I think it's an uncle. It's an. You have an uncle.

[D]

That's an uncle. An uncle that's younger than you guess.

[B]

So I think people, people do genuinely have uncles that are younger than them. No, that happens a lot. That does happen.

[F]

Like they switch, they talk and they have a baby.

[B]

Yeah, that. It's an uncle. That's an uncle.

[A]

So we think the old parents in that small little bed in Willy Wonka were incestual.

[B]

I never had those thoughts. But I will say that watching. I just got on. I got it. I got to hold it together a little.

[D]

It was very hard when you said, I never had those thoughts. It was, it was very.

[B]

But it's. But you watch Chocolate Charlie and Chocolate Factory as a kid.

[A]

Excuse me?

[B]

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. You watched that as a kid. And, and you certainly get to that scene and you, you have, you're just like, what is going on here? I mean, it's gotta be one of the most, like things to watch. Like you get to the, you get to the As a kid watching it, and they get to the chocolate factory and all this shit's happening and the Oompa Loompas and everything. And I'm still like, I'm sorry, what was going on with those grandparents in the bed? I'm not kidding. I really was a boy's name who's

[A]

like, don't do that.

[B]

Especially Augustus Gloop.

[C]

Augustus.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, that stuff is happening, but I'm saying once. And once the grandpa gets out of the bed and stands up, is, like, dancing around. If I'm his son, if I'm the dad, I'm shooting him immediately. I'm like, what the fuck, dad?

[E]

Yeah. So I'm shooting him.

[C]

I will say the laundry. Remember when the mom has a song for some reason in the movie?

[A]

Which mom?

[C]

The mom. Exactly.

[A]

Right.

[C]

She deserves more. She's doing laundry. My whole childhood, I thought she was making soup. But it was not. It was not a big soup.

[E]

I mean, it is a soup.

[C]

Soup.

[A]

Worrying.

[F]

Cabbage.

[C]

I look like cabbage.

[E]

It's a clothing soup. If you think about it, laundry is just.

[B]

Oh, ghost Jesus.

[C]

No.

[E]

Are you doing Kalel? No.

[C]

Kalel.

[E]

No.

[A]

No.

[E]

I need the stone.

[F]

No.

[C]

What is that from? Do another impression.

[E]

That's really all I. All I have is Gal Gadot impressions.

[B]

No.

[C]

You worked so hard on you in our sketch day, Ian, you had an Arnold Schwarzenegger under your belt. Come on.

[A]

Go, Arnold.

[C]

Hey, you had. You did Batman.

[A]

I'll be right back.

[E]

Said to do a Batman.

[C]

Come on.

[B]

Which Batman?

[C]

Arnold.

[E]

Arnold. Arnold. But it was like. It was an impression of an impression, you know? This is Arnold sick. I got the COVID

[B]

Damn it.

[C]

That was awesome.

[A]

Anyways.

[C]

Soup.

[A]

Wow. I thought about the ladies.

[F]

I thought about it longer.

[A]

Tell me.

[F]

Okay, so the grandparents.

[C]

It's the ladies.

[F]

Grandparents.

[A]

No, grandparents.

[F]

Yeah. So if one set of the grandparents had sex. Right. And then they had a child.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

That would belong. That child would be related to both husband and wife.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Of Charlie. His parents.

[C]

Half siblings. To Charlie's parents.

[F]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Unk.

[F]

And so I think that can happen. I think there are unique situations in the world that that has happened. And if you're listening, please reach out.

[A]

Yeah. Reach out and let us know what you guys thought about the old people in the small bed in Willy Wonka.

[C]

It looked like a vibe.

[A]

It kind of did. Did they, like, were their feet, like, by their hips?

[C]

Yeah, I guess they were kind of.

[D]

Look it.

[A]

They were like this.

[C]

Kind of scissored up.

[A]

Like they were scissoring up all night

[F]

when I was a teenager, maybe a little younger. I would be really bored in the summer and I would find like new ways to make my life more interesting. So I'd sleep sideways.

[A]

Uh huh. Oh, I'm glad that went there. Cause I wasn't sure what summer party

[C]

we were gonna have on a twin

[A]

bed you could fit.

[F]

I'm small.

[C]

Olivia is really tiny. Yeah.

[A]

My legs would be like from here any Airbnb this and this is off a bed.

[C]

Yeah. You're always

[D]

shame I'm kidding.

[B]

Oh, I get to sit over here now. I've never sat over here.

[F]

Like I remember being so excited to sleep sideways.

[B]

Uh huh.

[C]

I remember being excited about sleeping. I do remember sleeping the wrong way. Like putting your feet where your head is and being like whoa.

[B]

That's it. It's honestly kind of sick.

[F]

Just like an exciting like you guys try sleeping a different direction tonight.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I would like for a smosh video, maybe even for a podcast episode. Getting a king bed with backboards. Four of us sitting in the bed like the Willy Wonka movie and we see who's touching where.

[F]

No, no, no.

[B]

What are you talk out the.

[C]

We're in a sleep in the Willy Wonka bed. We do it.

[B]

You're talking about almost like a true crime investigation of like let's map out this scene.

[C]

Well that's like going on. We're going to figure out who's touching where. But mostly we get to do the bed. That sounds so fun. Sitting in the bed with our backs on the boards and our legs in

[B]

the touch it would someone should. I feel like this could end up being like a play off Broadway where it just follows the grandparents and it's like two of them are secretly having an affair.

[F]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

And without the others knowing.

[F]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[F]

Saying all in the bed and then they. They like pop out some half siblings and they have the birth in bed.

[C]

The birth in bed.

[F]

Cuz they can't get up.

[C]

I don't like this. I don't like this. I want to move on.

[B]

This is a nightmare. Olivia, you're reading east of Eden.

[F]

I am.

[C]

Yeast of Eden.

[B]

I. I have it on my. It's. It's on my next like up to read. I've been meaning to read that book forever.

[F]

You're. What are you reading right now?

[B]

I just started this book called Dungeon Crawler Carl. But I heard it so good. It is funny. Dungeon Crawl. I read a book called Angel down that was insane.

[C]

Guess what happens.

[F]

Angel down.

[C]

Yes.

[F]

So are you more of, like, story or prose?

[B]

It goes back and forth.

[C]

Shane's crazy. He'll do a storybook, physical book, and then when he gets in his car, it's like a nonfiction audiobook.

[B]

Yeah, I do. I do audio. I do nonfiction for audiobooks.

[F]

Would some people consider listening audiobooks reading still?

[C]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

I don't.

[F]

That's not reading.

[C]

One is better for the brain than the other, but both are. They both count.

[B]

I think they. They just. They're probably, like, whatever. They're stimulating different, like, things in the brain. Sure.

[C]

Stimulating what, Shane?

[B]

I don't really care.

[C]

You're married. Don't be stimulating. Shane.

[B]

I don't think one is better than the other. In fact, I. I do struggle with audiobooks more. And I'm like, I need to do more to, like, get better at my, like, attentive.

[F]

I. I don't remember ever since.

[B]

Well, I do nonfiction for audiobooks because I lose my place a lot. Like, my. My mind drifts a lot more.

[F]

What nonfiction are you listening to?

[B]

It's. It's called there's no Place for Us. It's about homelessness in America. It just won the Pulitzer, so I was like, I need to check this out. And it's.

[F]

How do you like it so far?

[C]

It's.

[B]

It's fascinating. Follows five different families.

[F]

Wow.

[C]

You said. I have struggled with listening to books ever since.

[F]

Ever since my concussion.

[C]

And we should talk about that.

[B]

And that's why we. We actually planned all of this today to talk about.

[F]

Well, I know that I became nicer after my concussion.

[E]

Whoa.

[B]

I never said that.

[C]

Only Keith.

[B]

I actually think. I actually think I. I. I feel like I joined Smosh shortly before or after that happened, so I don't know. I don't have any frame of reference.

[F]

Ian's laughing.

[B]

Ian's laughing at you. How mess.

[F]

It's not true. It's not true. I've always been a very nice lady.

[B]

It's. I think that's true. You have, like, lifelong friends and everything, so I would believe that you do, like, like you. Nobody. Like, you have, like, friends who you've been with for so long that you must be a nice person.

[F]

I pay them. That's not a funny joke. I might make myself laugh.

[B]

You're okay.

[A]

Don't.

[B]

No, don't.

[F]

Stop it.

[C]

Olivia. Olivia.

[B]

Olivia. Stop it. Stop it.

[F]

What other insane things can I say to you guys?

[B]

I know this is a very, like, normal version of. Ow.

[C]

Out of here.

[B]

Don't put. What if I broke my ankle?

[C]

This is okay.

[F]

What if I go.

[B]

That's okay.

[F]

What if I go to my therapist's office and just decide to sit like this?

[C]

It is actually insane how far you're.

[D]

Noah.

[C]

So you going fishing later?

[D]

Yeah, I'm thinking I'll go fishing and I'll sit like this.

[B]

Everybody has more flexibility than me.

[D]

This looks flexible to you?

[B]

That's very flexible to me.

[D]

I am struggling.

[C]

Stretch for 13 years.

[B]

That's flexible.

[D]

Are you. Can you see the strain?

[B]

But it's still flexible. Okay.

[C]

Looks comfortable.

[D]

I gotta stop. It's not.

[C]

And it looks great with a fishing vest or workout vest. Thank you.

[D]

I appreciate it. And it's a fly fishing vest, Shane.

[C]

I think it's because for the first 15 years that you worked out at the gym, you never stretched a day in your life.

[B]

It's true. I was really bad about it. I know. I just. It's so weird. I can't get the motivation to stretch because you kind of have to, like, be alone with your thoughts. Because, like, when you're stretching, you know.

[C]

No, you don't. It's the same as working out, dude.

[B]

It's a little different. Because working out, I don't know.

[D]

I'm enthralled.

[C]

Olivia's really mad at you right now.

[B]

I don't know why. Because stretching, you have to hold a stretch for, like, 60 seconds. So you have to, like, sit there. Yeah. That's why yoga is all stretching. Because it's like. It is a meditation. Are you guys fighting?

[C]

No, opposite.

[D]

I think we're having a nice little foot time.

[A]

Doing what the grandparents did.

[D]

Oh, man.

[B]

And you're both gone.

[C]

Sorry, Noah.

[B]

This is brutal for Noah. Because in, like, Noah naturally just, like, laughs as he talks.

[E]

I don't think I could do this. Sorry.

[B]

It's a flexibility thing. But also my hips. My hips are not open.

[E]

Yeah, okay. Brag much?

[B]

I can't do that.

[A]

Let me tell you.

[B]

That's a mother, right?

[E]

You're telling me if I birth a child, I can do this?

[D]

No, no.

[A]

I've been like this forever. You have to stretch.

[E]

No, I'm gonna get pregnant. I'm gonna get pregnant.

[A]

I do.

[C]

You.

[A]

You can. Should I do hear you about. It's all in your mind.

[B]

Get outta here. My hips.

[A]

No, it's hard to, like, stretch. Cause you're like. I'm thinking about it. But what if you listen to your audiobook while you're doing it?

[B]

Yeah. Well, what I have been doing, I've been Courtney can attest. Past couple days, like, as we're, like, watching tv, I'll stretch, like, in front of the tv. I'll lay out a yoga mat, and I'll be stretching while there's a show on, and you just have to deal. Well, you laughed, so what the fuck am I supposed to do? Olivia chose you, and that's what she's doing. Olivia isn't even. She. She is kind of, like, posed. Like. Like it's picture day at school. Everyone's posed all weird on the mics. Okay, so they're over there. Courtney and Olivia are doing their own thing. So now I'm just here by myself. Feels like.

[A]

Let's go.

[C]

Let's gang up on him.

[D]

Let's.

[B]

I dare you.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Outmatched.

[C]

Outmatched.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, go for it. What do you got?

[F]

Poop.

[B]

Poop. No, no, no, no. Olivia, thoughts?

[F]

Do you own a vest?

[B]

Sweater vest. Right? I own a sweater vest.

[C]

You own a few vests? What?

[F]

Nice.

[B]

What? What vests do.

[F]

Why are you lying to us?

[C]

Oh, I'm sorry. You forgot your suit.

[B]

That doesn't have a vest.

[C]

The newest one does.

[B]

I don't think it does.

[C]

I don't think it does.

[B]

How do you know?

[C]

Because I looked at it and I pay attention.

[F]

Yep, yep, yep.

[B]

Shane, I got a. I got a navy suit.

[D]

Got you.

[C]

Yeah. Shane, we got you.

[F]

We got you.

[B]

So I got a navy suit. Classic. Some may say.

[F]

When are you gonna wear it?

[B]

At the wedding. Soon.

[F]

What wedding?

[B]

My cousin's getting married.

[F]

What's your cousin?

[B]

What's your cousin? What's my cousin?

[F]

What? Your cousin. What?

[C]

Your cousin.

[E]

Who is it?

[D]

Noah.

[C]

Olivia. You had a podcast for a little bit.

[F]

I did have a podcast for a

[C]

little bit called Fish Cheeks. Which cheek were you talking about?

[F]

Just like, fish cheeks, actually. Fish cheeks. I'm trying. Honestly, just fish cheeks. You guys. You went to Anna. Jack, did you order the branzino?

[E]

The fish cheeks are the best part. Yeah, it's a delicacy.

[D]

Oh, that was a place.

[F]

Yeah. She went to a restaurant that I really like, and they have a really delicious branzino there. And then people. And the head is on the fish, and then you eat the. You eat the cheek, and then my friend eats the eyeballs.

[E]

Oh, that's next level. Yeah, I'm not at that. I'm not that level of eating eyeballs.

[D]

And what would you describe yourself at me, I guess, Ian, of eyeball eating?

[E]

I wouldn't eat. I wouldn't eat eyeballs. I. I mean, the thing is, like, if, if we've all eaten hot dogs, we've probably all eaten like pig rectum at this point.

[D]

Yeah, but we were talking about fish eyes.

[E]

I mean, we've probably all eaten pig rack them. That's. That's the unfortunate thing if you guys

[D]

had to choose the Titanic death for you. Which one?

[E]

Oh, Propeller guy.

[D]

Propeller guy. I feel like propeller guy's the first one.

[C]

Heller guy.

[E]

You're telling me you don't know propeller guy?

[D]

Have you seen Titanic?

[F]

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

There's the guy who falls. He's holding on to, like, the end of the railing as it starts to list up and break in half. And he falls onto one of the big propellers.

[E]

He falls and then he. And he goes off the propeller and flips into the water.

[F]

So you want to be that guy?

[E]

Yeah, because it's like the most like, epic death that happens there. Like, what do you want? Well, okay, the rich people that, like, they're just like, oh, we're just going to like, drink and like, go down with the ship. Wasn't that, like, actually like, supposed to be one of like, the. It wasn't a Rockefeller, but there was some like, famous, like, old money multimillionaire that was on that ship. And it was an Aster. Aster. I hardly know her.

[D]

And we will move on to the next segment.

[F]

Unfortunate.

[D]

I appreciate it.

[F]

Have you always worn glasses?

[A]

No.

[D]

When did you find out that you were being blinded? Over time.

[F]

Do you own contacts?

[E]

No, I've never put a contact in my eye.

[F]

So you've always worn glasses?

[E]

From the point that I started wearing glasses, yeah.

[F]

Which was when?

[E]

Probably like 2018.

[F]

You felt like you really needed it.

[E]

I. I just.

[D]

I feel like there's some, like you're hiding something about these glasses. Is it just me or does it feel like there's more to this story? That's what I did.

[F]

You guys, you guys, you fall in love. Okay, I have a question.

[E]

Where are you going with this?

[F]

All right, you fall, okay, you're in love with the most perfect person. Ideal. Ideal soulmate person. But they wear frames without lenses.

[D]

Oh, that one. That one's a complete deal breaker because

[B]

I feel like you.

[F]

That's going to be a clip.

[E]

If you're going to fake it. If you're going to fake it. I'm glad you decided for us that that one's going to be the clip.

[F]

Is it not going to be?

[E]

What's wrong?

[F]

It's funny. I'm making myself laugh.

[B]

So.

[F]

Ok, go on. So, okay, what if you meet the Soulmate, whatever.

[E]

And they don't have lenses in their glasses.

[F]

Just frame.

[E]

Just frame is rough. I think there's obviously people that wear. Well, we know somebody that wears. They wear glasses sometimes, and they don't have prescription lenses in them.

[B]

Who?

[F]

I do that, too. But I'm saying no lens.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Like, you can go like this.

[E]

Yeah. No, that's some goofy Halloween type.

[D]

That's how you take headshots when you're a child.

[E]

Really?

[D]

Yeah. We got her. Everyone is taking headshots as a child knows it.

[C]

Tell us about that process.

[D]

The process of getting headshots done when you're a child is getting, like, three or four outfits, all the same tint of green because it complements your eyes. And then you spend, like, two hours with a woman just kind of flashing your eyes and taking pictures.

[E]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Did you ever do, like, dark films?

[D]

No.

[A]

Or comedies?

[D]

Well, technically, I've been in a film that's very, very dark, as in the reality of what's occurring on camera. You'll never know how dark and illegal it is, but by watching the content.

[A]

Awesome.

[D]

Seems fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

That's totally separate.

[A]

I think the first time I got headshots, I was not a kid. I was a little bit older.

[D]

Oh. Yeah.

[A]

And they were not headshots. They were, like, what I thought were headshots, but they were, like, weird model shots in Boston. And they looked so weird.

[D]

It's, like, even weirder than a school day picture.

[A]

Yeah, they're. They're the weirdest thing school day pictures were. That was a fight to the death for me.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I always. I never liked my clothes, so I always wanted to steal, like, my sister's clothes. And it was like Mission Impossible. The night before Picture Day, I would take a shirt and then I would put it on and then put a jacket over it and try to get in the car with my sister and get there. Wow.

[E]

So, yeah.

[A]

I almost got killed.

[E]

Sorry, let me get this straight.

[D]

Are you okay? He's struggling, I think.

[A]

Oh. Cause you're not wearing real glasses.

[E]

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. So the grandparents slept foot to head? Or were they head? Head. Head.

[A]

Ian, are those real lenses?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

This is what's crazy. Cause I got Lasik, and I think once I got Lasik, it feels like. You remember lenses?

[A]

Oh, poor Noah. You had big, big sunglasses on, and anytime the sun would hit your eyes, you were just.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So many tears.

[D]

Yeah. And every time I told someone I got lasik, they were like, oh, see, that's why you don't get Lasik. And I was like, I just got it. That's a great time to start this conversation. Yeah. So then I felt like I had to become a salesperson. I had to really pitch Lasik to people

[E]

not laughing. I'm smiling and enjoying the moment.

[A]

Just have a sneeze coming.

[D]

We should maybe try to get him to laugh. Okay.

[E]

He's trying to make me laugh.

[A]

Breast milk.

[D]

That's good.

[A]

Weird trains.

[B]

Whoa.

[E]

Weird trains.

[D]

I don't know, I'm just thinking, go on. Weird train.

[B]

This episode of Smosh Mouth is sponsored by Shopify. Did you guys see our spring collection that dropped on the Smosh website?

[A]

Oh my goodness. So many cute options.

[B]

Yeah. Fun fact, that website is powered by Shopify.

[A]

Whoa, I didn't know that. Tell me more.

[B]

Oh, don't worry, I will. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Heinz to Mattel to brands just getting started. And if you're starting a new business, it can feel pretty overwhelming.

[A]

Yeah, I wouldn't even know where to start. Like customer service returns, managing inventory. Like, how do you even do that?

[B]

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[A]

Yeah. Our merch website is so easy. It's so clean. Like Shopify does such an amazing job.

[B]

It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com/smosh. Go to shopify.com/smosh.

[A]

That's.

[B]

That's shopify.comsmosh. back to the show.

[E]

I don't think I've ever said anything about trains.

[B]

I don't think you have either because your thing is highways. Yeah, that's just a fact.

[E]

What's, what's your guys?

[B]

I don't like highways that much.

[E]

Well, I don't like them either.

[B]

I use them. I would.

[E]

I don't like them either. I just have favorites.

[B]

Have you ever seen photos of like old Los Angeles where there's so much public transit, like there's all the trolleys everywhere. I was like, oh my God, we got rid of this.

[E]

And there were so many problems with them too. Cuz there's always like 10 people tied up on one track and one person tied up on the other track. And that was just happening all over Los Angeles.

[C]

What is that?

[B]

Cornfield Nice. I mean, yeah, Amanda and I did that show.

[E]

Yes. And.

[B]

And it was crazy.

[E]

And so. Trains.

[B]

Yeah, trains.

[E]

What's your. What's your favorite nature documentary?

[B]

Truly anything with David Attenborough. I. I rock with that.

[E]

So old now.

[B]

I love him. He's. And he looks great. And he's killing it, dude.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Have you heard about the documentary where a woman has a thousand men run a train?

[E]

I mean.

[B]

Oh, that.

[E]

No. Tell me more.

[C]

There's a train. And doesn't that excite you?

[E]

I don't like trains. I've never even been on a train.

[B]

You've never been on a train?

[E]

Never been on a. I've never been on a train.

[B]

The Surfliner.

[E]

Why would I be on a train?

[B]

The train from Los Angeles to San Diego is genuinely one of the coolest. Oh, so you have. So that was a lot.

[E]

Yeah, I love trains.

[B]

So you're lying about that. What else are you lying about? Lying about your glasses?

[E]

I don't know. Maybe my glasses are fake.

[C]

I mean, when I look at your eyes now, I do see, like, because, you know when you can tell it's a prescription, when the. Where they're. There's skin, there's a warp. I don't really see much of a

[B]

warp, but they're probably a low prescription. Mine are pretty low. Mine are low prescription. I basically wear glasses only when I do ad reads because of the teleprompter. It's just far enough that it's, like, fuzzy and I'm like, I need glasses for this.

[C]

I'm supposed to wear glasses. I barely passed the vision test when I renewed my license because my left pupil's fucked up. And so I did the right side and I was like, nice. And they're like, okay, another eye.

[F]

And I was like, oh, fuck.

[B]

And then when you put glasses on, I become one of those, like, horrifying close ups from spongebob.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

You're like, oh. And you, like, take your glasses off.

[C]

Yeah, I don't wear glasses to protect myself from shame.

[B]

Yeah. This show, you know what I forgot is painful about this show is when you're off to the sides and then people are like having conversations about things that you want to talk about. About. Yeah, you guys brought up branzino.

[E]

What do you think? Oh, you want to talk about?

[B]

I've never had branzino, but I. I think I want to make it.

[E]

Is it.

[B]

I want to make it.

[E]

Is branzino just.

[B]

See, that's the whole fish.

[E]

Is it just a fancy way of saying sea bass?

[B]

No, branzino is a fish that's from, like, Greece. Right.

[A]

I'll give you a brand.

[B]

Oh, whoa. I would love that because. Yeah, you take the whole fish. You like, you make cuts in it. You fill it with seasonings. You just do it whole. Okay.

[A]

And dill.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

And then she eats it like this. She grabs it by the tail and you just go.

[B]

She goes.

[F]

And then I let it bake for a little bit. Oh, my God.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

It's so good. Should I make it here in the office?

[B]

Sure. We got. We got another.

[E]

I. I don't know if. I don't know if we're picking up any of your audio, but if you want to keep talking, I'll just. I'll just say exactly what you're saying, like one second after I speak. Mand.

[C]

I am surprised you guys don't have a boom.

[B]

We're really good. Oh, URL has a boom.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just in case you're a loser.

[C]

Already said that one on there.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Feel the shame. Don't do that.

[B]

Makes Amanda laugh, but no, nobody else. See, I knew I would ricochet. Olivia, the only way to make Courtney laugh is to make Amanda laugh.

[F]

The only time. The only time. The only time. Ian doesn't wear glasses when he's driving.

[E]

That's. Especially when I wear my glasses. No, you can't see things far away.

[B]

I realized we were recording. You've. You've had multiple outfits today. Because we did a Reddit stories earlier today. You had a different outfit. You had a whole different outfit.

[E]

Yeah, because I'm a fucking professional.

[B]

Oh. See, I do the thing. See what I do for these shoot days, I have one pair of pants and I Two different shirts.

[E]

Oh, that's smart. Yeah, I. I just didn't. I didn't like the synergy between the pants that I brought, so I had to bring the whole fit.

[F]

It is hard pants.

[E]

No, I changed. Change. Everything changed everywhere.

[B]

You brought different jackets.

[F]

You're changing your underwear.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, it's. It's more of a spiritual thing. Yeah. Because, like, I had to feel different, you know?

[F]

So you guys have a favorite.

[E]

So one's like, one's like chain mail and one's, like, made of, like, fish scales.

[F]

They give you different power ups underwear.

[E]

Oh, me undies.

[F]

Is. Does it have, like, a little, like, fly? Like.

[B]

Oh, this is the thing that we talked about with Spencer where it's like he goes. He uses that.

[E]

Of course. Yeah.

[B]

I don't. I go over.

[E]

You go over.

[B]

Talking about. You're talking about the underwear, the, like the flap and like, do you like, go through it or do you just, it depends, like, pull down the underwear?

[E]

Because if you got, if you have a zipper fly for your, for your jeans, it just makes sense to pull it through. I'm not, I feel very comfortable talking about my wiener.

[B]

This is what we talked talked about in the first. You, you laugh, you leave. So.

[E]

Oh yeah, okay. All right.

[B]

Talked about. But we don't have to talk about it again. You know, that's what.

[E]

Spencer, do you have a problem with with the fly?

[F]

No, I just. I, I, I, I do you guys wear skin.

[E]

Jealous?

[B]

I don't, you know.

[F]

Skims?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Do they have skims for hims?

[F]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, I've got some good Calvin Klein's that I like.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Those are, those are fancy. Those are nice.

[F]

Very nice.

[B]

Those feel good.

[E]

I feel like if you have Calvin Klein's, you have to like show it off in the waistband. No, I don't really hike that shit up.

[F]

No, no.

[E]

You know, and just everywhere you go be like, no.

[F]

Are those new pants? I've never seen you wear pants like.

[B]

These are not new pants. I've had these for a couple of years now. But I. There's some of my favorites.

[F]

When is the right time to wash your jeans and pants every time you wear them?

[E]

Some would say never, so.

[B]

So selvedge denim heads have this whole thing of like, you, you go for as long as you can without washing them.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Because then it builds up the natural fade lines and everything and stuff. But I don't know, I kind of, I kind of play it by like Vibe.

[E]

That's how I wash my ass.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

I played by Vibe.

[B]

10 wears of jeans.

[F]

But what if you're going to Korean barbecue?

[B]

Oh, see, that's a full that. I need one of those things, you know in sci fi movies when they like leave like a thing and they get like sprayed and everything. You need that because I smell like Korean barbecue for a week, I think.

[F]

And they haven't always bad closets where you can put your clothes in and it just like sanitizes and takes out the smell.

[B]

Wow.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's like if you're near a bonfire or any sort of barbecue, it's like you're going to smell like that forever. Yeah, I dress accordingly when I'm going to like, barbecue spot.

[F]

Nothing.

[E]

Have you ever.

[B]

Nothing fully.

[E]

Have you ever put your jeans in a freezer?

[B]

No, apparently that doesn't. Apparently that might work for the smell, but it's not like it's Cleaning it. It's just. I don't know. I also don't. I'm like, no, I've got. I want to use my freezer for other things.

[F]

I put some potatoes in there.

[B]

You would put potatoes everywhere.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

But out on the counter.

[F]

We close. You're close to laughing. That make you almost laugh. You almost laugh.

[E]

I just. I just don't understand your relationship with potatoes.

[B]

You had one potato. Did you only. Did you only have one potato in your fridge?

[F]

Yes.

[C]

What?

[B]

I said you just had one.

[F]

I had one potato.

[B]

And then you took it out.

[F]

I took it out and I put it in water. Boiled it.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Do you salt the water?

[F]

No. Oh, I should have.

[A]

Huh?

[F]

I didn't do that.

[B]

No.

[E]

And. Oh, sorry.

[B]

Do you.

[E]

Do you peel it?

[F]

No, I ate the skin.

[B]

You ate the skin? Oh, the skin is really good.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I have potatoes all the time. I eat. I eat a ton of sweet potatoes.

[A]

This is what I love.

[E]

Sweet potatoes. I know, but in no season. Okay.

[B]

You're talking about like a russet.

[F]

This wasn't a russet either. Didn't have like a golden.

[E]

A Yukon?

[F]

Yeah, it was a Yukon. Oh, it's like buttery.

[E]

But you didn't have any butter on it.

[F]

No, I thought about it, but then I didn't do it.

[E]

And. And okay, and. And you said you ate this in bed. Was it on a plate or a paper towel?

[F]

Paper towel.

[E]

Okay, so paper towel. And you took. You just fisted it. You just put it in your hand and.

[F]

Yeah, I fisted a potato while I was reading east of Eden.

[E]

So you're.

[B]

I mean, one handed. Because isn't that a farm?

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Is. Were you. Is that what inspired you?

[F]

Yes, Me. Was a subconscious, like. Let me get in touch.

[B]

Yeah. Very different because it would have been kind of fucked up if you're eating Grapes of Wrath. It's like you guys wish you had one of these, you know, Grapes. No, a potato.

[E]

Oh.

[B]

Because it's the dust bowl.

[E]

Okay. I was thinking, like.

[F]

And then when I'm reading Lord of

[B]

the Flies, you're like, I'm a girl, so.

[E]

Oh, yeah. There were no. There were.

[F]

I was saying, like, no eating flies or something. Eating.

[E]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And name a book.

[F]

I did Word of the Flies at East of Eden.

[B]

Name another.

[F]

Oh, you read Secret History.

[B]

I did. I loved that.

[F]

I loved that book.

[B]

I love that book. That book was.

[F]

I love that book. It was so good.

[B]

Okay. I was being for real for a moment.

[E]

Hey, guys.

[F]

Oh, my God. We're like. We're like the grandparents in bed.

[E]

Courtney's very uncomfortable by this. She. She's. She's giving a very grossed out face. Is it?

[B]

Probably everybody in this room is.

[F]

I've never felt your hands before.

[E]

My hands? Yeah.

[F]

They're soft.

[B]

We've worked here for 10 years.

[F]

Why would I be holding my co worker's hand?

[B]

That's.

[F]

That's inappropriate.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm always saying that.

[E]

I always see you walking around with your. With one of our co workers and

[B]

you're holding their hand and Spencer.

[E]

Yeah. And it's making us all very uncomfortable.

[B]

Okay man. Deal with it. We can talk. Talk about whatever we want.

[E]

What's your favorite? Have you ever wanted to.

[B]

Uhhuh. Uhhuh. You know, we can talk about whatever we want.

[E]

Have you guys ever wanted to go on a submarine?

[F]

No. I'm not into discovering stuff in the ocean. No no, no.

[E]

You don't have to discover. You could just like.

[F]

No.

[E]

Look at a fish or something.

[F]

I don't want to.

[D]

I think I went on Disneyland. They got the Nemo ride. That's a little submarine.

[F]

I don't want to do stuff like that.

[D]

You do a little submarine.

[F]

I'd rather go into space than go in water.

[E]

Really?

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

You'd rather go all the way up into space?

[F]

Feels more discovered.

[E]

And safe space is more discovered.

[F]

Yeah. Who do we have discovering ocean stuff? James Cameron. Only James Cameron.

[E]

It's just James Cameron and Jacques Cousteau.

[F]

So wait, so does that mean there's Avatar in the Ocean?

[D]

I believe. I think it's a real film.

[F]

I think it's a documentary.

[D]

I would like that. Okay.

[E]

I'm just gonna get out of here.

[D]

Mission accomplished. I think

[F]

mom's here.

[D]

So I'm just gonna talk about myself now because we can change topics.

[A]

Go ahead, Noah.

[D]

I'm fostering two kids.

[A]

We're listening to Noah talk about himself now.

[D]

Yeah, I'm fostering two little kittens right now.

[A]

What are their names?

[D]

So they were given to me as Iggy and Sabbath. It's from a litter named after like rock stars and rock bands. But I just call them the diarrhea twins because they're brother and sister and they love to shit with each other. They'll be facing opposite directions and they'll both just diarrhea kind of next to each other.

[A]

The themes today are outrageous.

[D]

It's the truth.

[A]

Incestual old people. Potatoes in fridges without salt or butter. And diarrhea twins.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

My goodness.

[D]

Horrific. It's such a powerful stank.

[C]

Ew. Ew.

[D]

It like, permeates my apartment at this point. They will be leaving soon. They're gonna go get adopted. They're going up to San Francisco.

[B]

Why don't you throw away the.

[D]

I'm fostering. Did you ask if I was gonna throw them away?

[B]

No, no.

[F]

Why don't you throw away the. Why don't you throw away the poop?

[D]

Oh, I do, but it's just because they don't mean for it. But it's like they are in it and you gotta keep wiping them. And at a certain point, you just can't stop cleaning. A cat that doesn't wanna be cleaned and it's like a little demon covered in diarrhea. And so at a certain point, you do what you can and then you just. You put it back in its little pen area.

[F]

I think this is good for you to know how it feels like to have a baby.

[D]

Yeah, I'm learning that. I don't think I'd be good at it.

[A]

Babies don't just diarrhea all the time, everywhere.

[D]

Tell me more about this.

[F]

Yeah, they do.

[D]

Don't they have, like, blowouts?

[C]

Yeah, they have blowouts.

[A]

They do shit all the way up to their neck. That is cute.

[C]

So. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I wasn't even trying to make you laugh. It's a fact. Like, they do have blowouts where they'll literally be sitting there and they're like, the babies. And then it's a blowout up to their head.

[F]

I heard that when you have a little boy baby and they're peeing, sometimes it shoots up into your face and.

[A]

Yeah, well, I. I have a little. I have a little hack. Because I've been peed on, you know, a bit. So. So I now am like. I'm ready for it. I know exactly when he's going to pee. No, I take the diaper and I put another diaper underneath. And then I whip out the diaper and I put the other diaper on top. Because once. Once it hits cold air, let me tell you, they're peeing.

[F]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. The stream is flowing.

[F]

Have you been peed on?

[A]

I can't believe I'm talking about this.

[F]

You've been peed on?

[A]

Yeah. Wow.

[C]

Not by choice.

[A]

No, not by choice.

[F]

And even if that's.

[A]

What are you into, it actually doesn't it. It's not even that crazy anymore. It's not what I'm into.

[C]

I get so.

[F]

I wasn't trying to talk about that. I wish you just ignored it.

[C]

We can go back.

[A]

I was going to, but everyone It's a podcast. Everyone can hear everything.

[F]

No, they can't.

[D]

Eric says.

[C]

Yes, that is. Sometimes I think about. It's like, well, they'll cut that. But the people in the room heard it.

[A]

Oh, we don't cut anything on Smash Mouth. We love to keep it all in.

[F]

Really?

[A]

Yes.

[F]

There's so many things I'm so much

[A]

potato stuff where it's going to be the highlight.

[C]

They have a whole folder of potato stuff Olivia has said that needs to be cut.

[A]

I will say I love eating potatoes just plain. It's so good.

[F]

Boiled.

[A]

Boiled. No salt, no butter. Just potatoes are really popping it in. And also, I also read books and then listen to audiobooks. I'm listening to Fame Sick right now. And it is so good.

[F]

That is. Who's book?

[A]

Lena Dunham's.

[C]

Oh, I do need a.

[A]

It's a very, very good book.

[C]

You know how I like a potato mashed? Lots of butter, impregnated with sweet corn.

[A]

Whoa, guys. Huh?

[C]

Lots of sweet corn and you just shovel that shit.

[F]

When's the last time you had that?

[C]

Couple nights ago.

[F]

You made it?

[C]

Didn't make it. I was at a restaurant. It was like, where do they have that? It was like an Irish restaurant. No, no, Scottish restaurant. And they had creamed corn and mashed potatoes.

[A]

I think I know where that was.

[F]

Like, and Boston Market.

[C]

No, it's.

[F]

That's a Boston. That's like, Irish restaurant. Right?

[C]

It's like, near Toluca Lake. I think it's called Tams o'. Shanter.

[F]

Oh, I've always.

[A]

It's in Atwater.

[C]

Walt Disney's favorite.

[A]

It. That place is a blast.

[F]

I had a Welsh rare bit there.

[A]

You have one cocktail and you leave being like, what happened to me?

[F]

Really?

[A]

Yes. Carpeted head to toe. And you're just like, what happened to me?

[F]

I haven't felt that way in a long time, and I would really like to get that way.

[A]

We got you. How's that hand doing? What are you. What are you.

[C]

Why are you resting it like that? Okay. Is it broken?

[F]

God.

[A]

Also, let me just say I do put my jeans in the freezer.

[F]

Dude.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

Technically, that does kill bacteria. There are certain bacteria that can't live in super cold temperatures. Just like when you boil water, that kills bacteria, but it doesn't necessarily get rid of the stink.

[F]

Yep, you can boil them.

[C]

You can boil your jeans. Might change the shape.

[F]

Wait, you can boil your jeans?

[A]

Bowl jeans.

[C]

You can bowl your jeans. Boil your jeans, you both are gone. Bye, girls.

[B]

This episode of Smoshmouth Is sponsored by

[A]

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Wow.

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That's why you were gone.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Let's go.

[C]

I miss you girls.

[B]

All right.

[C]

Whoa. Jacket's off.

[B]

All right. Welcome to URL.

[C]

Okay. What's your Internet history? Go.

[B]

What have I been doing on the Internet?

[E]

Oh, we all watch that bird watching documentary.

[B]

Yeah. Listers. It's incredible.

[E]

That was so good.

[B]

Loved that one. That was incredible.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Ian took the jacket off. Got too hot for the podcast listeners.

[C]

The jacket is off.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

No, I, I, I, I, I padded it earlier so it's, it's dry.

[A]

You are not.

[E]

Yeah, my chest is. My chest is very hairy. It's funny cuz, like, sometimes I'll go running shirtless and I feel like, I feel like every guy shaves their chest now. It's very strange.

[B]

Interesting.

[E]

Or waxing. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what?

[E]

I'm the only person that goes like, that goes like, shirt off with body hair.

[B]

I never thought about that. When I see people running or jogging in, in Los Angeles all these years, I don't think I've ever seen, like, a really hairy dude running. They, they need to get out where the bears at.

[C]

Do you think maybe it's because guys who are, like, more naturally hairless are just, for some reason, more Comfortable to take the shirt off. If that's like if am I am

[E]

I honestly, I think more so. It's like guys that have nice bodies that want to show off like the, the gains want to shave off their body hair to show. To show the muscles which I don't have and I just don't care. I don't. Shaving. Shaving all my body hair off.

[B]

That's a lot of work.

[E]

Like a lot of work.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I like? In Heated Rivalry, there's this one guy that it's like, it's not super hairy. He is hairy. But it wasn't shaved off. It was almost like he got like it trimmed.

[E]

Oh. And it looked so like happy trail.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

What?

[C]

No, it was up here. It was like all one length. It looked not even real. And I was like. Yeah, I'm going to give me a picture.

[B]

No, you're talking about the barista.

[C]

Yes. Yeah, the smoothie guy. Is my phone there? I am going to look up.

[B]

No, that, that show is insane.

[C]

Okay, hold on one second guys.

[B]

That storyline, I was like, Jesus, I need to hold on.

[A]

I thought I was Heated rivalry.

[C]

Smoothie guy, shirtless images that should minus AI.

[B]

Yeah, make sure to add the minus AI. AI. Heated rivalry.

[D]

Whoa.

[E]

You find it? I feel like. Yeah.

[B]

So. So Courtney's doing this. So that's.

[E]

Come on, share. Share it with the class. Courtney, share it with the class.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

I'm just trying to find a high res one.

[E]

Oh yeah, we got to see each individual follicle.

[B]

No, I remember we, Courtney and I were watching Heated rivalry together the whole time she's going, it came to these scenes and it's like he looks insane. He does not look real.

[E]

Okay, okay, let me.

[F]

Okay.

[C]

And then he goes to the guy.

[E]

Oh yeah. Come on, share some with the guys.

[B]

I remember these scenes like that.

[E]

I actually hate that you hate that

[F]

because it looks like it doesn't.

[C]

I don't know, it looks like well gardened.

[B]

Yeah, no, it's, it's.

[E]

Oh yeah, he's probably using. Yeah, he's using like he's shaving it

[C]

at like a three.

[E]

He's easy. Yeah, he's using like a head on.

[C]

So head.

[B]

So no head. So head.

[C]

I'll airdrop. I'm gonna screenshot this and airdrop it

[B]

to you, Noah, to everybody in the office.

[C]

Yeah. Who's up on it? Who's up on the airdrop right now? Here, Caroline. Damn it.

[E]

This must be yours.

[B]

Oh, that was just Tyler.

[C]

Tyler, you need a code to airdrop.

[E]

You by the way, it's.

[B]

It says happy day away to anyone.

[C]

Airline accepted. Eric.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Eric, I need a code.

[B]

Looks insane. Yeah. Oh, heated rivalry. Yeah. Yeah, they're hockey players. Except for him. He's a barista, but he also looks like that.

[C]

More like hot key players.

[F]

What?

[C]

Hotkey players?

[B]

Yeah, Hot key. Hot key.

[A]

I love how much you're not on the couch, but you're also on the couch.

[B]

Olivia just. It has continued to be part of the conversation. Next time, Olivia, you need to do this out in public where, like, you go somewhere, like at a restaurant, you go and sit by yourself and a table nearby. You just kind of join their conversation.

[C]

I feel like she does do that.

[B]

You should just do that. Yeah.

[C]

I feel like Olivia can strike up a conversation with, like, any random group and have a great time. I feel like you've done that a

[F]

lot in your life outside of work.

[B]

This is my.

[C]

Right now.

[B]

This is my impression of Olivia. Like, just like, if you're in the

[E]

middle of a. Whoa.

[B]

You're in the middle of a conversation, and then like, Olivia's just nearby and she's just like, what's the deal with that? Okay, guys, can I ask, like, okay, if I'm like, if. If I have a temperature of 110, is that bad? Okay. No, I know. I'm just asking. No, I was curious.

[E]

And she just calls them chat. Chat.

[B]

She would never say that.

[E]

What do you think about that?

[B]

Olivia would never say.

[C]

Olivia's not a chat girly.

[B]

Olivia would simply never say that.

[C]

You can't catch Olivia dead near chat.

[E]

I did. I did have a lady do this to me at an airport lounge. It was. Anthony and I were sitting there talking, and she just straight joined our conversation.

[B]

Were you at a bar?

[E]

It was kind of like a restaurant table, and she was in a table next to us, and. And she was by herself and. And you know, I'm not gonna tell her to, like, I'm not gonna be like, off. Yeah. So.

[C]

Hey, don't quote that guy.

[B]

Can I. Can I. Can I ask, like, generally, what you were you guys talking about?

[E]

Like, I have. I don't remember, but she just joined.

[B]

How. Do you remember how she joined the conversation at all?

[E]

No, because it was. It was like an inconsequential conversation. And she weighed in, and then Anthony got up and went somewhere else. And then I was stuck talking to this. This like, 70 something year old lady. Oh, for like 45 minutes. Whoa to an hour. Yeah. She told me all about her travels, and she told me about her, like, medical conditions.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

And she told me about her kids and about. How about how she used to run a bakery in Oregon and. Yeah.

[B]

And then she's like, my name's Betty Crocker. And you. You looked away for one second, you look back, and she was gone.

[E]

No. And then we banged in the bathroom grandpa style.

[B]

I'm not.

[E]

Grandpa Froggy style.

[B]

No, no.

[E]

We did the old razzmatazz.

[B]

No, no, we did the old honky tonk. Got himself. I knew he would get himself eventually.

[C]

I wish we could talk about the guy he quoted just moments ago.

[B]

Fuck off.

[F]

Fuck off.

[C]

We can't. I can't find his social stuff. I can't find his social stuff anywhere.

[E]

No.

[B]

So you have two kittens right now?

[D]

Yeah, I've got two. Two kittens.

[B]

That's really amazing.

[C]

Two poopy kitties.

[D]

Yeah, two little poopy kitties. It's nice to have a little bit of energy in the house. My other cats hate them. That's fine.

[B]

How many cats total do you have now?

[D]

Now four, but I've got two on my own, one of which is whom Courtney saved and I was able to adopt.

[C]

We haven't told that story on Smosh, have we?

[D]

Have we? Not ever.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

But yeah, A cat showed up at your door.

[C]

I was literally in my courtyard and, like, heard a little. And, like, there's this little white kitty, like, tiny kitten ran right to me. And I was like, oh, my gosh. It was just, like, immediately, like, attached. And I was like, crap, I got to do something about this. Brought it in. And my cats were used to the cat cafe life, so they didn't even bat an eye at a cat in the house. Kept it in the bathroom because it was covered in fleas. And then I tried driving around town to find a vet, and it's like all the vets were closing. And then I managed to book an emergency appointment for, like, 9pm to go check if they're okay. And then I literally was, like, texting. I was like. Cause you had been, like, nesting. You were getting ready to, like, get a cat.

[D]

It was incredible. The day before you found Baby Bell, who became Baby Bell the cat was when I got my cat treat and the, like, cat pooper. All the stuff literally just got delivered from Chewy because I was like, I want to have a cat. I want to get a nice pet with my girlfriend. And it just lined up amazingly.

[C]

It's crazy. It's crazy. Like, I literally just sent you a picture, was like, you Want a cat? And you were like, wait, seriously? And then I just handed little baby off to you to take to that vet appointment. And it was ever since.

[D]

Yeah, she had fleas, she had worms. She gave birth to a worm out her butt on our couch.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It was incredible.

[B]

I've heard about that happening.

[D]

Oh, yeah. It's when. I mean, I'm happy I didn't see it. I was sent a picture, but my girlfriend had to fight it to get it out of the cat's butt. Because when they realized that it's not a safe place, they try to go back in.

[C]

I mean, we're gonna bleep all this.

[D]

Oh, yeah, Sorry. It's like a horror film.

[C]

No. And that's how we know that it wasn't like someone's kitten that was gone only for a few hours. Like, that was a wild kitten.

[B]

Wild.

[D]

And based on her meow. It sounds like she didn't even drink water. It was probably like a motor oil puddle. Oh, yeah, she's got this little rasping

[A]

Now, Amanda, I gotta come into this conversation.

[B]

Oh, let's switch it up. But no, now she's doing great. Now she's. Oh, she's lovely, healthy cat.

[D]

So fat. Oh, my God, she's gigantic.

[B]

That is like. That is. That is why cats domesticated themselves. You know what I mean? Like, cats did everything they could. They were like, we gotta. We gotta get out of the wilderness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then they're like, oh, we get to eat as much as we want now and just hang out. It's weird when I, like when I spend, like a day at home, like, like on a weekend, and I'm just like, oh, this is what you guys do all day, every day. That's crazy.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, they'll be napping and they'll get up and they'll be like, I'm going to go take a nap somewhere else.

[D]

So, yeah.

[A]

What a life. I did not grow up with a lot of cats around me. I grew up with, like, six dogs. Like, not my family, but every holiday it was like a thousand, like, golden retrievers or labs or shih Tzus or all these crazy dogs.

[B]

See, I love dogs.

[D]

Were you. Were you a tall child, Amanda? Were you tall from the get go?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Okay. Because again, I had a dog, family dog. But I was always a very small child. Dogs were fun, but it was like being in, you know, the Lion King.

[A]

Oh, when Stampede. It's funny that you brought this up, because the other day I was just thinking about how I Was holding my aunt's dog. I'll never forget it. I was young. I think I was like 4 or 5. And he was a big lap. And I was holding him on a leash and he decided to, like, go for something. And I was lifted in the air, like, flew in the air. Like, no. Holding him on a leash. And I was like, how did I not, like, you know, rip my face or something? Like, how did I not, like, rub against the. I don't know what happened, but I'll never forget that memory.

[D]

I'm not gonna call you out for laughing at your own story. Cause it was such a pure memory.

[A]

Oh, I laughed.

[D]

It was such a pure memory. And I enjoyed that moment.

[A]

No, you're right.

[D]

I'm sorry.

[A]

Checkmate. I'm outta here.

[B]

Sorry, Amanda, you gotta go.

[A]

I forgot.

[B]

I see. I grew up. I had two cats when I was first.

[F]

Dude, just make me laugh. Just make me laugh.

[B]

What the fuck, Olivia?

[F]

Make me fucking laugh.

[D]

I can't even think about what to say to make you laugh.

[B]

I think, Olivia, I have to let things just, like, settle for a bit.

[F]

It's been.

[B]

I never.

[A]

60 Minutes.

[B]

I never say jokes that make you laugh.

[F]

Yeah, you do.

[B]

What's. What's a joke that I've said that's made you laugh? Is there. Is there one that you can think of, like, from the past?

[F]

Oh, I thought of one. But then it's a joke that I said to you that made you laugh.

[B]

Oh, so you said that made me laugh. Yeah, Courtney and I were laughing at. Okay, now I'm back to Claire recently. Oh, yeah, that's. That might be my favorite. I mean, your. Your first ever TNTL joke for me. Still makes me laugh. Martin score crazy.

[D]

Oh, yeah. So stupid.

[B]

Now I'm back to Claire is such a classic.

[D]

Yeah, I've got, like three that are good and probably like 997 that aren't

[B]

so many that are good, but we just were pumping them out back in the day.

[D]

It's like baseball. You know what? I got a home run that one time and we won the game.

[B]

Doesn't matter. That is very true. That is extremely true.

[D]

Oh, Claire. I was pretending to be. I forget now what they're called, but I'm going to call them, like, wolf.

[F]

That was my phone. That just.

[B]

You're, like, turning into a werewolf. You're like, yeah, turning into a werewolf. And then you, like, revert back to revert back.

[D]

I've seen videos online of people who pretend to be animals and then they form their own little Packs in the woods. It is such Midwest.

[F]

Oh, my God. I love that joke.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Where you're a werewolf, but how genuinely, when you come back and you look at us, you go, okay, now I'm back to Claire. And it just so good. I still think.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

I tried to take the mindset of someone who is in charge, like the lead. I would say, like partner of the. The alpha male. I was like the alpha. I guess female would be that character.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

How did you say it? Can you do it again?

[D]

I couldn't do the bit. I could do that.

[B]

Do the entire bit.

[F]

Or do the banjo one. We're seeing by down the.

[B]

Okay. Olivia's making herself laugh here.

[D]

I'm so happy.

[B]

I think. I think she got herself.

[D]

Oh, now that.

[B]

Okay, now we're. Whoa. We finally got. It's. It's the boys.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

So this. This. This happened.

[E]

We were in lax, but nobody asked sex.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

All right. He just came right back where he left off.

[E]

Do you guys want to go back to talking about me having sex with an old woman and the. No.

[D]

I didn't know that was even a topic. You've done that.

[E]

I know, but it does. It was a joke.

[B]

It does make me think about what does Me.

[E]

What does? Me having sex with an old woman in lax. Remember?

[B]

It makes me think about whenever I'm at the airport. And the thing I. I clock every time at the airport, especially when I'm there at like 5 or 6am there's always someone there with a full drink.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And I'm always like, damn.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Always, like, real. I'm like, whoa. Like, you're.

[D]

Wait, is that a loophole? If I open a bar in la, but I claim that it's like a private airport.

[B]

Oh, you could have it open 24.

[D]

Okay. It's just like, oh, this is the bar.

[B]

You're waiting 24 7. But they just. They serve out. They serve alcohol, like, kind of all the time at airports. No, I was looking in the general direction.

[E]

Crazy thing.

[B]

So I'm actually looking past you at Scott, who's going like this. Scott knows Scott knots like hell. Yeah.

[E]

The crazy thing is, like, in the airport lounges, the alcohol is free and it is open bar.

[B]

And you don't. I've.

[E]

I don't think I've ever.

[B]

Look, I had alcohol at.

[E]

In a lounge.

[B]

I. I haven't. But I like. Look, I like. I like a drink, but I. I think airports, I don't understand why they make it so available. Because you're about to get On a flight.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

For five hours and be stuck in a tube with a bunch of other people for.

[E]

Well, that's what gives us all the great tick tocks.

[B]

Oh, my God, man. Anyways, well, what do you think?

[E]

What do you. What kind of freak out do you think you'll get canceled for what? I think like the airport, like airport freakouts or like, do you think it's going to be like a kid, like, walking on your lawn and you're like,

[B]

I don't have a lawn, so I don't have to worry about it.

[D]

But I'm saying, like, in the future by a man. I was in the car with Keith and he almost crashed into us, obviously doing something wrong. And he got out the car acting like he was going to fight us. And this is. This is the issue is I will gladly join in. So, like, I had my window down. We're laughing at him. We're like making faces and stuff. And he starts.

[E]

So you're making faces, Adam, because he

[D]

got out his car.

[E]

Like, you're going like, fight us.

[D]

Yes. I was like, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? You're gonna come fight us. That's what you're gonna do. So he starts coming over like he's gonna fight us. So I roll up my window and then he just. Mad.

[B]

Almost hit you.

[D]

I almost hit us.

[B]

I mean, and it was his fault.

[D]

It was 100% fully his fault.

[B]

Like, he almost t bones you.

[E]

And then you made faces at him.

[D]

Yes, I did. He.

[B]

I mean, that's got him. See, if I. If I nearly hit someone and I get out and. And they're laughing, I'm like, okay, good. I'm. I'm fine. I'm gonna get in my car and get out of here. Cuz that was my fault.

[E]

Yeah, but when. But when somebody's angry and then you laugh at their face, it just makes them like.

[D]

There was.

[E]

There was a guy.

[B]

Devastating.

[E]

There was a guy that was like tailgating me super hard. And we were going through, like a residential street. I stop at a. There's like multiple stop signs down this road. And every time I'm making sure I do a nice, full and complete stop for this dick bag.

[B]

And. And then got a complete stop for that dick.

[F]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Got to.

[E]

Otherwise I'm just blowing straight through them. That's a joke. And so say it's a joke.

[A]

When it's a joke.

[D]

It helps.

[B]

It helps us know/s.

[E]

So. So I come. I come to the stop and then he decides he's going to just blow through the, like, go. Go into the opposing traffic, go through the stop sign. And me being, like, a little petty was like, well, I'm just going to accelerate and not let him in.

[D]

Love it. Love it.

[E]

And then. And then, of course, I let him in because he was insane. And then I, like, blare my horn, and then he stops the car in the middle of the road and then gets out of his car and he starts yelling at me. And I'm just like. And I'm just kind of, like, laughing at him, and he's just getting more and more angry. And then, like, after, like, two minutes of him yelling, I had all my windows up and I was playing music, and I wasn't gonna stop my music for this guy. And then, like, after two minutes, I was just like, I can't hear you, diva.

[B]

That's awesome.

[E]

And then. And then he just got really, really mad, and. And then he tried to walk towards my car, and I just reversed my car a little bit. It was very fun.

[A]

Guys.

[F]

This is like, literally episode one of be.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Oh, she's right. Olivia is correct.

[B]

This is like episode one of episode one of Beef.

[E]

Yeah. Well, it was based off of my life.

[B]

I.

[E]

Is based off of my life.

[B]

I'm very scared.

[E]

Really?

[B]

Oh, well, in la la, road rage happens literally every day. Oh, yeah, I see. I'm very scared of LA drivers because I'm like, I don't want to piss people off. I don't know who you are, but I'm thinking if. If I end up in a situation like that where someone's next to me and they're, like, trying to yell or whatever, I think what I'm gonna do is, like, try to be like. I'm gonna try to confuse them.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

As opposed to, like, being like, I can't hear you, or laughing at them or yelling back. I'm just going to make them think that maybe, like, they're in the simulation a little bit. So I'm going to give them a little bit of just kind of, like. And, like, try to have my head spin360 and then, you know, just give them a weird look, you know?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Kind of. Or like, I always wondered, like, if.

[E]

If, like, playing. If, like, playing, like, a crazy act, if somebody's, like, about. Is, like, about to mug you, and then you just act, like, absolutely insane. If that would work on them.

[D]

In my own experience, it wasn't insanity. It was just trying to be, like, a little. I can only describe as, like, a Chihuahua. That's how I was.

[E]

In a Chihuahua?

[D]

Yes. Like a Chihuahua.

[E]

Sorry you got robbed, Chihuahua.

[D]

No, I wasn't robbed. I was in a car accident. Long story short, I can't give all the details currently, but this person was realistically under the influence and threatened to beat me up and leave me there on the side of the road. I got Lasik after because my glasses were lost in the accident. And I was like, oh. If someone were to just nearly end my life, I literally could not identify them.

[E]

Oh.

[D]

And so, yeah, but it was one of those. And so I had, like, no percent on my phone. Maybe, like, 2, 3%. So I just acted like I was filming the whole time and just was

[E]

yelling, wow, you out crazy them.

[D]

Yes. But. But by just trying to be loud and, like, you know, back up, like, you were. Said you're gonna hit me. I rewatched it. I thought I was like, wow. I really stood up for myself. Re watching situations like that. I mean, never. I would never release it publicly because you sound. I mean, my girlfriend couldn't love me anymore if she saw this. I'm sitting. I'm like, you, sir. You tried to hit me, sir. You hit me with your car and you threatened to beat me up, sir. No, you back up.

[B]

You back up, sir. Oh, you ridiculous.

[D]

I mean, so quickly. So quickly. It was. It's so embarrassing.

[C]

Okay, Selena, has it been 69 minutes?

[E]

Oh, you had something planned for 69.

[D]

It's official.

[E]

Is that the only one?

[B]

You had one queued up?

[E]

A single.

[B]

No, us. Damn it.

[E]

You had a single fart queued up.

[D]

Someone take my seat.

[A]

That's the end.

[D]

I'm gonna be.

[C]

My pants.

[A]

And Olivia, good luck.

[C]

Good luck.

[E]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Wow. Thank you, Courtney, for ending it on a fart note. Guys, we have talked about so much wild things.

[F]

Not enough.

[A]

It has been amazing and also a fever dream. And, Noah, that story was very, very funny.

[E]

I enjoyed every moment with you guys.

[A]

Thank you for being here. Noah, Ian, Olivia.

[F]

Sway looked at me and said, ian,

[A]

Ian, Olivia, Noah, Courtney, and Shan.

[F]

Now I'm, like, afraid to laugh. Can I laugh now?

[A]

You can laugh. This was. You laugh, you leave. Part two. Thanks, guys, for talking about everything wild. And what we want to really know is were the grandparents?

[F]

Think about it.

[E]

Were they. Were they porkin?

[F]

Because if they got a child, it would be half.

[A]

Okay, everyone, come in. Everyone, come in.

[E]

Okay, everyone.

[F]

It would be half sibling, and it would be really awkward.

[A]

Guys, let us know if you want a version 3.

[E]

Guys, draw some fanfic draw. Send us fan fix.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Fan art of the grandparents Porkin.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[E]

You can send it directly to Amanda's email. It is mommy.

[A]

Dommy69 Whoa. AOL.com. okay. All right, guys, we love you all. Thanks.

[F]

Bye, guys.

[B]

We love you.

[F]

Bye.