#149 - Can You Guess Our Top 5?

Summary

Smosh Mouth Episode #149 – Can You Guess Our Top 5?

Date: June 22, 2026
Hosts: Shayne Topp, Amanda Lehan-Canto
Guest: Damien Haas

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Episode Overview

In this lively and off-the-rails episode, the Smosh Mouth crew — Shayne, Amanda, and guest Damien Haas — bring their signature chaotic energy to the topic of "Top 5s." Rather than simply listing personal favorites, the trio challenges each other (and listeners) to guess what each list represents, leading to hilarious debates, unexpected tangents, and delightful word games. The result is a freewheeling exploration of preferences, nostalgia, and group dynamics, peppered with memorable personal stories.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Introduction: Top 5s & Running Gags

[02:02]

• Amanda welcomes Damien as their guest and teases that he’s among her "Top 5 Smosh cast members." The hosts joke about the ranking (Five is the best?!), setting a playful, unserious tone.
• Selena (off-camera) submits a mysterious Top 5 (lap, crop, mountain, muffin, carrot), leading to a guessing game.
  Notable quote:
  Amanda: “You are on that list.” (02:44)
  Damien: “I could see myself being a solid four…so five to me is the best. Oh, wait.” (02:48)

Selena’s “Top Five Tops” Wordplay

[03:26-06:15]

• The answer: All “tops”—Laptop, Crop Top, Mountain Top, Muffin Top, Carrot Top.
• The group riffs on Carrot Top (the comedian), fashion, and the joys/perils of wearing crop tops.
• Running physical comedy: Damien debates whether to put his shoes on the new set’s furniture, reflecting on the upgraded set design.

2. Detours: Fast Food and Drive-Thru Antics

[07:46-09:39]

• Shayne pitches the bit of ordering at a fast food drive-thru as if he has a car full of passengers when alone — “What do you guys want?” — just to mess with workers.
  Damien: “It’s a robbery!” (08:33)
  Amanda: “They’re not going to remember that you played the trick. They’re just going to see you laugh, giggling to yourself.” (08:39)
• The group discusses the social anxiety of drive-thrus and parallel parking, segueing into Taco Bell’s ever-changing menu and the anxiety of picking new items quickly.

3. Smosh Lore: Running Jokes, Forgotten Bits & Memories

[10:44-12:32]

• Amanda and Damien talk about recurring fan quotes that they barely remember saying (“poop in the ocean if you must”; “croissant in hand”).
• The hosts reflect on the challenge of doing so many videos over the years that moments blur together.

4. Guess That Top 5 Game – Round 1: Amanda’s Sensation List

[21:33-26:41]

• Amanda reads: “Sand, Ocean, Furry carpet, Cool tile, Clay balls.”
• The answer: Top 5 favorite textures to step on/barefoot sensations. They discuss clay ball rooms at Korean spas and the joy/pain of transitioning from hard tile to a soft mat.
• Conversation spins into tough massages and watching others fumble in clay ball pits.

5. List Game – Round 2: Damien’s “Fever” List

[31:33-32:21]

• Damien lists: “Scarlet, Gold, Yellow, One you can’t sweat out, Saturday night.”
• The answer: Top 5 types of fever — a punny list referencing medical fevers, gold rush “fever,” the Panic! At the Disco album “A Fever You Can't Sweat Out,” and the Bee Gees’ “Saturday Night Fever.”
• Notable moment: Multiple misdirections and Amanda nearly guessing “shirt colors” or “Pokemon games.”

6. Tangents: Being Sick, Food Poisoning, and Bodily Weaknesses

[32:42-36:43]

• The trio discusses “favorite” mild illnesses, and the weird pleasure of a light cold or post-food-poisoning exhaustion, and Amanda shares a story about having food poisoning while pregnant.
  Shayne: “There’s something a little nice about being so ex...like, it feels like you’re in a crater in the ground, and you’re just like, well, I have to relax.” (34:13)
• Shayne recalls getting sick while filming The Goldbergs — “I tumbled out while people were in the middle of their dialogue and it was awful.” (36:13)

7. List Game – Round 3: “Favorite Bills”

[36:50-41:57]

• Shayne reads: “20, 5, 1, 50, 100” — $20 bill is king, but they joke about Andrew Jackson being “a huge piece of shit.”
• Amanda tells a wild anecdote: her dad’s dachshund (mispronounced “Datsun”) burrows in his pocket and shreds his $1 bills.
  Damien: “Sorry. Something wrong with you? You just described the weirdest situation.” (39:31)
• They debate the utility and emotional resonance of different bills and coins, wax nostalgic about $2 bills, and shout out street musicians.

8. Amanda’s Playful “Gross” List

[42:05-43:24]

• Her words: “Sick, nasty, ew, horrific, stop.”
• The answer: Favorite words Amanda uses for things she loves — she tends to express affection by calling things “gross.”
  Amanda: “Like, if someone comes out in a character, I’m like, oh my god…ew. But I love it.” (43:23)

9. More Guessing: “Favorite Trons”

[52:30-55:02]

• Shayne lists: “Jumbo, Mega, Legacy…”
• Answer: Favorite “Trons” (Jumbotron, Megatron, Tron: Legacy, etc.).
• The group can’t get it, but the pun finally lands; they riff about Jumbotrons at games and the anxiety/nightmare of celebrity lookalike segments.

10. Ice Cream & Snack Confessions

[59:50-66:08]

• Amanda’s favorite ice cream flavors: ginger, mint, mango, rose, toffee (“Mashti Malone’s has the best ginger ice cream”).
• Shayne’s routine: microwaving ice cream for five seconds to soften it, eating it bottomless, standing in the kitchen.
  Shayne: “Just a tank top, no bottom, and I am Donald Ducking it.” (62:17)
• Damien recommends Afters’ ube brownie flavor, and the trio debates chocolate ice cream (“Chocolate is yuckville city.” – Amanda [64:45]).

11. Rapid Fire Top 5s (and Even Weirder Lists)

[66:12-77:10]

• Damien: Top 5 smells (cat’s forehead, pizza, honeysuckle, coffee, Crisp Apple candle).
• Damien: Top 5 tools he owns (Saw, Blade, Machete, Crank, Bolt) — disguised as movie titles.
• Damien: Top 5 round birds (Kakapo, Takahe, Kereru, Victoria Crowned Pigeon, Ptarmigan); Amanda and Shayne bicker about favorite birds (heron, cardinal, hummingbird).
• Shayne: “2, 1, 3” — his opinion that the second entry in a trilogy is always the best (“Empire Strikes Back, Two Towers, Shrek 2”).
• Amanda: Last list — “Aquaphor in every pocket” — referencing Shane’s personal lore about always carrying Aquaphor.

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Notable Memorable Quotes

• On Being in the Top 5
  Amanda: “You are on that list.” (02:44)
  Damien: “I could see myself being a solid four…so five to me is the best. Oh, wait.” (02:48)

• On Recurring Jokes Fans Remember but Cast Doesn't:
  Amanda: “Fans were, for so long, they were saying, ‘croissant in hand, I was alone,’ and I completely forgot that I…I was part of that at all until I saw the clip again.” (11:25)

• On Drive-Thru Mischief:
  Shayne: “I need to talk as if there are other people in the car.” (08:09)
  Damien: “It’s a robbery…a psychological robbery.” (08:33-08:36)

• On Massages:
  Amanda: “Whenever I get a massage, I’m like, I want you to try to kill me.” (23:14)
  Damien: “They truly do, like, WWE finishers on you sometimes…stepping on my neck.” (24:01-24:11)

• On Texture Preferences:
  Amanda: “Clay ball rooms…if you want to have, like, a ball pit…it is like a…little clay balls that are like this. It’s dead silent. And you’re laying there, and the balls are warm. It feels amazing.” (24:49)

• On “Gross” as a Compliment:
  Amanda: “Words for things I love…Like, if someone comes out in a character, I’m like, oh my god…ew. But I love it.” (43:23)
  Shayne: “Most of your characters are gross.” (43:44)

• On Ice Cream Habits:
  Shayne: “Just a tank top, no bottom, and I am Donald Ducking it. I truly do.” (62:17)
  Amanda: “Chocolate is yuckville city…You know what, come at me, bro. Chocolate can suck.” (64:45/64:48)

• On Reading and Pooping:
  Damien: “It’s been studied that when you walk into a bookstore, for some reason it makes you gotta shit.” (47:44)

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Highlight Timestamps by Topic

| Time | Topic/Gag | |-----------|------------------------------------------| | 02:20 | Top 5s concept and Selena’s list | | 06:44 | Damien marvels at the new Smosh set | | 08:09 | Shayne’s drive-thru prank bit | | 11:08 | On recurring fan-quoted bits | | 21:47-26:41| Amanda’s “textures to step on” list | | 31:33-32:21| Damien’s “fever” list | | 34:13 | Shayne on post-food-poisoning bliss | | 36:50-41:57| $20 bill “king” and Dachshund story | | 43:23 | Amanda uses “ew” for things she loves | | 52:30-55:02| “Favorite Trons” guessing game | | 59:50-66:08| Ice cream roundtable; Donald Ducking it | | 66:12-77:10| Rapid-fire Top 5s |

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Episode Tone and Takeaways

• Chaotic, playful, self-deprecating: The trio are quick to roast each other and themselves, jump into digressive stories, and turn seemingly trivial lists into hilarious guessing games.
• Running gags: Amanda’s “gross” as a term of endearment, Shane’s Aquaphor obsession, and animal stories (notably Amanda’s dad’s dachshund and hummingbirds).
• Relatability: There’s a constant thread of affectionate ribbing about being weirdly enthusiastic (about textures, coins, snack habits, birds, etc.) and the odd rituals that make everyone unique.
• Shared nostalgia and internet culture: In-jokes about Smosh production, references to viral memes, and callbacks to previous episodes create a sense of community for regular listeners.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

Expect:

• A parade of unusual Top 5s (from bills to birds to “Trons”)
• Funny, sometimes surreal personal stories
• Smosh in-group humor and recurring lore
• Goofy, affectionate bickering
• Zero seriousness about “winning” — it’s all about the fun

Key moments:

• Amanda uses “ew” as her highest compliment
• Damien’s suspiciously specific list of saws/tools: “Saw, Blade, Machete, Crank, Bolt.” (69:06)
• Shayne’s poetic defense of microwaving ice cream and eating it bottomless
• An animal story so bizarre (“Dachshund steals $1 bills”) that even Damien says, “You just described the weirdest situation.” (39:31)
• The trio’s abject failure (and joy) in guessing each other's favorite obscure “Trons”

---

Closing

[78:36-79:30]
Damien: "This was the most fun I've ever had."
Amanda: "Damien, we love you. Thank you so much for being on the new set. We missed you. And thanks for sharing your top fives."

Where to find them:
Shayne: “Chocolate ice cream eating boy on YouTube…that’s going to be my new YouTube channel.” (79:09)

---

A quintessential Smosh Mouth episode — silly, offbeat, and full of the group’s unique chemistry.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

What is that?

[A]

Oh yeah, it's a World cup holder.

[B]

Like the soccer tournament World cup holder for the world.

[A]

Fits every car, holds every cup.

[B]

It has a Carvana logo.

[A]

Carvana made it. They buy and sell cars, so they made a car cup holder. So. Got any good cups lately?

[B]

Used to. Just couldn't figure out where in the

[C]

world to put them.

[A]

The World Cup Holder brought to you by Carvana. Proud sponsors of the World Cup Holder holder, sign up today to win [e-mail] not authorized or endorsed by FIFA. Not a real product for parody and fair use purposes only. Hey guys, right now if you head to live smosh.com we have a bunch of our live shows available. And if you buy a ticket to one of these shows, you get $10 off a bundle, which has a lot of great stuff.

[B]

Yep, Shane and I are reacting to Smosh Hospital, which is in the bundle, and Courtney and Anthony are reacting to Anthony's funeral, which we did a couple years ago. And it's so good also in the bundle.

[A]

And if you're gonna do that, make sure to sign into the account that you use to buy a ticket and that's how you'll get $10 off on the bundle.

[B]

Part of the bundle is we did Reddit shows for Netflix as a joke. They were amazing shows with incredible guests. The energy was incredible in there and they are also a part of the bundle.

[A]

We have a lot of these Smosh reads, Reddit stories, live shows available on live.smosh.com, which have never been available before until now. You get to watch us do our show in front of thousands. They were a wild ride.

[B]

So, so cool.

[A]

Highly recommend. Anyways, check them out. And here's the show.

[B]

Here's the show. Get your bundle.

[A]

Hi, welcome to Smoshmouth. I'm Shane.

[B]

And I'm Amanda. And we have a wonderful guest with us today. His name is Damian Haas.

[D]

Thank you so much for having me. I really do appreciate it. It's lovely being here. I love the Show. I love what you guys do.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you, Damien.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank you so much.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And since today we're doing top fives. You are. You're in that list of my top fives.

[D]

Oh, thank you. Of what? Just top five.

[B]

Yep. Cast.

[A]

Whoa.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Holy. All right. We won't say who the rest of them. Yeah.

[B]

We will not speak on who the rest of them are.

[A]

Yeah. Or where you place in the top five.

[B]

Correct. Oh, I was never going to.

[A]

But you're there.

[B]

You are on that list.

[D]

I could see myself being a solid

[B]

four, so five, to me, is the best. Oh, wait.

[A]

What?

[D]

What in what world is that? What?

[A]

The world. Yeah.

[B]

No, and I was kidding. That's so funny.

[A]

You also.

[D]

What I don't love.

[A]

Should I switch it up?

[D]

I said I think I'd be a solid four, and then you said, just to clarify, five is the best, as though that need clarity.

[B]

So you were saying that you were second, but I messed it up. So now you're saying you're not second. You're second. The last right.

[A]

Of five.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Out of all the cast.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It's still pretty good. I don't get a medal or anything.

[C]

Great.

[B]

It's very nice.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah. Absolutely.

[B]

And Selena put her top five of something. So we're not saying what our top fives are.

[A]

Yeah. So Selena on the felt board wrote, lap crop, mountain muffin, carrot. Damien. I said we figured it out.

[B]

And I said, how dare you?

[A]

So these are Selina's five favorites of something category.

[D]

Amanda, look into your heart. You know what this is?

[A]

Lap crop, mountain, muffin, carrot. Selena's definitely being silly because some of these.

[D]

Yeah. We got a straight up silly goose situation on our hands.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is it silly or is it.

[A]

Some of them are silly.

[D]

It is. It's clever. It can be clever and silly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm transported back to, like, middle school and high school, like, right before a big test where it was like, no, no, no. I don't want to do this.

[A]

Can I ask off the topic, like, you're not guessing. What. What are these five words remind you of? Like, what do you. What are they?

[B]

Hiking.

[A]

Hiking crop and lap muffin.

[B]

Well, not those two.

[D]

Shane.

[B]

You did.

[D]

She gave her.

[B]

Oh, my God. This is why I love Damien, because he protects me from your crazy ass.

[D]

Fair. And this is why I love Amanda. She doesn't need protecting, but I like to support.

[B]

That's right.

[D]

Yes, Shane, I, um.

[B]

Truly. Oh, no. So what happens is I look at one word and I go, got it. Coffee. Of course.

[A]

Mountain, Muffin. Coffee.

[D]

You know, my brain went to Candy first. I was like, oh, what if it's Candy Mountain?

[A]

And then I think, this is a problem. This is not like a category thing. This is a little bit more of a word game here. So you might not be as like, oh, what's the word that goes after all of this?

[B]

So I. I will say someone in the office was like, I. I never watch you guys. I only listen to Smosh Mouth audio. And then I felt really bad because

[D]

we're all doing these, like, really hands.

[B]

So I felt really, really guilty. And then I was like, why do I wear cute things? What is the point?

[D]

What that does, I guess, do feel the purpose of a. Of a podcast a little bit.

[A]

Well, when I'm listening, I want to know, like, okay. Did these people put an effort, though? Oh, yeah. And it's just listening.

[D]

Damn. Wearing new shoes, new shirt, Top.

[A]

You got it.

[B]

Did she do that because your last name is Top?

[A]

No, she didn't write my name is not in the top five.

[D]

This is our top fives. So it's her top five tops.

[B]

That is brilliant.

[D]

So it's for people who can't see in the audience. It's Laptop, Crop Top, Raindrop, Crop Top, Mountain Top, Muffin Top, and Carrot Top.

[B]

Carrot Top. Carrot Top. That was a fun guy. Remember that comedian? Boy, oh, boy, was he still around.

[A]

He's still around. Talking about him like he's alive. He's on steroids, but, yeah, I haven't

[B]

seen him or heard of him in a long time.

[D]

Now you have Caretop.

[B]

Here he is. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, Mountaintop is cool. Laptop. I like Crop Top.

[D]

I can't. I can't relate to, but I know. I'm sure some people really enjoy wearing those.

[B]

So.

[A]

Yeah, Muffin Tops.

[B]

You in a crop Top. I'd pay money if I could.

[D]

I don't need to have the best body in the world. I want the, like, fresh cash. X men in the 80s, like, crop top. I've got a six pack.

[B]

I love that.

[D]

That'd be so cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How are you, Damien, by the way. Yeah.

[A]

How's it going?

[D]

I'm doing great, thanks.

[B]

You know what? It's your first time on the new set.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Is it really?

[B]

Damn it.

[D]

Yes, it is. I mean, for this, I think I've. I've.

[B]

I kept being like, we should have him. And you kept being like, I don't think that's a good idea.

[A]

I just don't.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I just don't.

[D]

That's Shane. Yeah, no, I've been good. I've been traveling a lot but I'm back in town and it feels good. I will say the new set is beautiful. What I'm realizing for all of our new sets though, the one luxury that I've lost with a new beautiful set is I can't like sit cross legged and put my shoes on stuff anymore because I feel bad cuz it's all a really nice set.

[B]

Wait, you sure you don't want to put your shoe on our nice table?

[D]

I will. It will crumble to dust but I'm happy to.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Selena said you can and what she says goes.

[D]

It's also a brand new.

[B]

I've got brand new shoes so it's audio listening. He went from the bottom up.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

He sat on it opposite style.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With my shoes.

[D]

I bounced on it crazy style. The table.

[A]

Me at the In N Out drive thru. Can I get my burger upside down style.

[B]

They've probably had people do that and die laughing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they hate you.

[A]

And you sit on the other end

[B]

while I'm just like, you're by yourself. You pull up, you're like wow. Hey, I'm Shane Tom.

[A]

You know what I need to do? Okay. You know what I need to do? The next time I go to a drive thru for fast food I need to be ordering. I'm by myself by the way. I need to be ordering but I need to talk as if there are other people in the car.

[D]

Courtney's just waiting in the parking lot like where the fuck I need to

[A]

be like can I get a number three? And what do you guys want? What do you want?

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

No, we can't have that. And I order like that, like it's full and. And then I pull up and it's just me and they're like that is good.

[D]

They would hate.

[A]

What if they hand me the food for free? Yeah, they're scared.

[B]

Why would they ever.

[A]

Cuz they're scared.

[B]

They, here's the deal.

[D]

It's a robbery.

[B]

They don't.

[A]

Well it's a psychological robbery.

[B]

They don't, they don't care.

[A]

Like you're going to pull up and

[B]

they're not going to remember that you played the trick. They're just going to see you laugh, giggling to yourself.

[D]

It's also not a trick. It's like just making their day worse.

[A]

Because I'm sure the worst thing working

[D]

in fast food is probably people being like what do you guys want? It's like, no, that's what the pre menu was for. You have to decide that. So you're just doing that unnecessarily.

[B]

Ideas.

[A]

I rarely get much time at the pre menu.

[D]

That is true.

[A]

The pre menu at a, at a fast food place, the drive thru, you're pulling up and you want to have more time to look at it. But sometimes you don't get the.

[B]

You gotta hurry.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Especially with Taco Bell because, like, they and I shout out to Taco Bell. They're always adding new stuff where they're like, you know, we do like, fried chicken tenders now with a crazy chipotle sauce. Well, we have it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But it's just today. And you're like, oh, God, did it fall off the back of the chocolate?

[B]

I have to get it. The crazy chips.

[D]

I have to get it, but I can't see everything. You got new stuff.

[B]

Wait. You have to set some, like, car boundaries. You have to be like, give me a second. I'm looking at the menu.

[A]

I, I.

[B]

How does that make me laugh?

[A]

Too anxious to stop before, like, you got to keep it moving.

[B]

Shane, are you the type of person who sees a perfectly good parallel parking spot and you're about to do it, but people are beeping at you, so then you just, you're midway and then you drive off.

[A]

Oh, I will. People have never beeped at me while I'm trying to get into. But it does suck. I, you have to go kind of past it.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

If someone tries to pull in behind you, you have to be like, no,

[A]

no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[D]

See, this is too high. My sho. Put it on your. Can I put it on your lovely sofa?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Oh, amazing. Thank you.

[A]

It'll make the rules.

[B]

Sit however you want, dude.

[A]

Sit however you freaking want, dude.

[B]

You may.

[A]

Those are good shoes.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

This, this sofa is lucky to have shoes on it.

[B]

That's the weirdest thing a guy could ever say, by the way.

[A]

Pretty sure I could see. I'm pretty sure dudes have said weirder things.

[D]

You smell different when awake, Amanda.

[A]

You watch True Crime say weirder.

[B]

Yeah, they do. You must be aroused. You smell different.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, okay. See there you, you, you found it.

[B]

Vampires.

[A]

Pepper. It's like pepper.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[D]

I'm still getting asked that all the time. Especially when. Oh, yeah. So I'm, I'm doing, I'm doing well. Been doing a lot of conventions, but one at least once per convention. Some will ask, like, hey, I gotta ask, like, what is the deal with Pepper? Like, what is the joke behind that? And I'm like, it's not. It's a nothing joke. There is no.

[B]

There is nothing there. And I think that really blows people's minds.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

They really can't handle it.

[A]

There is actually nothing. That's what's funny about it, is that there's nothing to it.

[B]

Yeah. It's like when I say really dumb things on videos, and then I see, like, a fan come up to me and be like, poop in the ocean if you must. And I'm like, I said that sometimes.

[D]

Sometimes you don't remember saying the thing because it's been, like, five months and you didn't see it after that.

[A]

Can I be completely honest?

[B]

No.

[A]

People were fans. Fans were. For so long, they were saying, croissant in hand. I was alone. And I completely forgot that I.

[D]

It's the Gardic phone.

[A]

I completely forgot that I was part of that at all until I saw the clip again. I was like, oh, my God, that's right. I was. People have to understand. We're in, like, a million videos.

[B]

Like, but there are things that I do remember.

[A]

Things I remember.

[B]

Like wheatgrass.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a classic.

[B]

Yeah, it's a classic. Remember when you put a hole through my hand during that video?

[D]

Like a stigmata? Like, what are we talking.

[B]

You don't remember this?

[A]

I don't. I. I did. So you put like a. I did remove most of. Eat it or eat it. I hit a point. I was reading a book recently, and my brain was like, hey, you're only going to retain this if you remove something. And I was like, we'll get rid of it.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Eat or eat it.

[A]

All those memories.

[D]

I did. I did get a compilation on TikTok recently of like, what are those moments between me and specifically Tommy? And I'm like, it was funny, but I was like, I don't remember most of. What are those?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

What are those?

[D]

It was a show format that I hosted. It was.

[B]

Was that when you were in a purple tux and you were like.

[D]

It was like, pink and bright neon? Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I think that was, like, really early on when I was on Smosh, and I was. I was in one video about that, and it was like, houses in Florida.

[D]

That was a weird. They were, like, trying to change up the format, and that's like, oh, that's

[B]

the one that I was in.

[D]

That's the death knell of a. Of a. Where they're like, what if we do it real different?

[A]

Do a different thing?

[D]

And they're like, okay. Yeah, we had a good run.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

It was a fun show.

[D]

Yeah, it was fun. I. I don't drink caffeine anymore, and that was part of. That was a crux of the show at all. I haven't for, like, a long time.

[B]

Good for you.

[D]

I lied. When I was in London a couple weeks ago, I did have some English breakfast tea.

[A]

You'll have a tape, but you're not like, a caffeine drinker.

[D]

Can't do it. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

No, you were psychotic in one of those.

[D]

Yeah, I would have, like. Well, it was ninja milk at the time. Time. Or like, I think like a Celsius or something. And then just milk.

[A]

Ninja milk.

[B]

Is that milk just for ninjas?

[D]

Yeah. You kind of have to join an exclusive club. Yeah, no, it was another YouTuber's energy drink that they made and gave to Ian, and I was like, I'll try this. And then a lot of it.

[B]

And then you. You feel like his parent right now.

[A]

And then he drink, and then he drinks.

[B]

And you tried a lot of it. Yeah, you were psycho back then. I'm sorry. So glad you stopped.

[A]

This episode of Smosh Mouth is sponsored by Meundies. Amanda, I'm really loving my caddy.

[B]

Oh, have you taken up golf?

[A]

No, my ball caddy. A contoured pouch or something to handle the angle of the dangle, if you will.

[B]

You're out of control.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

The show.

[A]

The show, not your show. Well, the show.

[B]

Our show.

[A]

But I'm. You know, it's kind of my show. We had an episode of a show called Hacking Off. Smoshmouth is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money. When you bundle your home in auto policies, the process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Back to the show.

[C]

At Nature's Bounty, the belief is simple. You already have a brilliant body. Supplements just help support your journey. For over 50 years, nature's bounty has offered vitamins and supplements to help you eat, sleep, thrive. Repeat. From magnesium glycinate for heart and muscle support to hair growth capsules for fuller, thicker hair and probiotics. With 20 billion live cultures for digestion, Nature's Bounty. It's in your nature to thrive. Learn [e-mail] these statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

[D]

That show was fun. Yeah.

[A]

Where Damien and I would try different.

[B]

Boys can get away with anything.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

If I said tits out, they'd be like, you guys are slutty.

[D]

You've been saying crazy shit all day. And I guarantee you it's.

[B]

That's not on camera. If I said, like, boobies. Want to get some? Like, that's Amanda.

[C]

You.

[A]

Half the compilations I see on Tik Tok are you and Angela and Courtney

[B]

saying, that's such a lie.

[D]

Roll the clip.

[B]

So anyways, hacked off.

[A]

Hacking. Hacking off.

[B]

Oh, so you're doing it.

[D]

Okay. Meat kisses.

[A]

Present. Present tense.

[B]

What is the show?

[A]

We would try DIY hacks. Like, there's online. There'd be like, oh, these types of hacks. And they're all stupid.

[D]

And we'd make our own versions of what are better. Like, I brought in my version of, like, this. Isn't this better? And then.

[A]

And it always failed. It always was horrible.

[B]

Bam. Duncan left and right. No, not his.

[A]

I would say both of ours. Both of us. But that was, like, part of it.

[B]

Oh, okay. That's cute.

[A]

But it was a great time. But I remember one time before we shot one of them, Damien had had so much caffeine that I. You were, like, losing your mind.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Was it Ninja Milk or caffeine?

[D]

No, that didn't last long.

[B]

Roll that clip.

[A]

That's what I was thinking. I do need to stop drinking coffee for like a week. Really?

[B]

You're gonna get a headache, honey.

[D]

Yeah, maybe.

[A]

I have some plenty of days. I only have one cup of coffee.

[B]

If you stopped cold turkey, you're gonna get headache.

[A]

You have to stop cold. I. I'm only drinking a cup of coffee some days.

[B]

You could try one sip and that's enough. I just. I promise you, you're gonna get a headache.

[D]

Okay, I say double down, go in the other direction, make a mocha pot. Every morning.

[A]

So much for just yourself. Yeah, I mean, I love coffee.

[B]

Me too. I like the routine of it.

[A]

Yeah, that's how I am. I could switch to decaf as a decaf drinker now.

[D]

It's. It's okay.

[A]

That's my problem. I don't like the taste of it too often.

[D]

It's fine.

[B]

It just tastes like trash.

[D]

You do end up missing the, like, come up where you're like, ah, waking up. You'll drink it and be like, this is warm and I have to poop. That's great. And that's. That's it. What coffee gets.

[A]

No, I know, I know.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Not disagreeing.

[B]

I'm going to say something that's so random, but it made me think of it. So for the first time. The other night, my son scared me and has nothing to do with it.

[A]

He was just, like, chilling there, and all of a sudden he just pulled out a knife. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[B]

And he was just like, no, no, I wish it was like. I wish it was, like, as obvious as that. It showed me that, A, I watched too many horror movies and B, my son, like, sometimes him and my husband do fun things together, and then he does it to me and I'm like, what is that? So I was holding him, cuddling, ready for bed, and he has had his head on my chest. And then he looked up and went,

[A]

oh, my God.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, that's scary as hell.

[A]

So he did the grudge at you.

[B]

I'm not even exaggerating. And then he went like this.

[A]

Oh, yeah, no.

[B]

And I was like, don't freak out, Amanda. And then I. I naturally.

[D]

Yeah, you give him a complex.

[A]

I'm glad you're such a good parent. Because me, I would have been like. And I would have thrown it, like,

[B]

I seriously, I turned around to, like, be like, is there a demon behind me? I literally went like this. I went Stay calm. Cause he looked at me and he was like.

[D]

And I was like, find out your son has asthma. And you're like, yeah. I thought it was a demon, but I had to take him in.

[B]

And so he kept doing that nonstop. And then finally I just had to, like, push through. No, I just had to, like.

[D]

Sorry.

[B]

Watching me.

[A]

Okay. Sorry. I've been. We've been recording all day.

[B]

I'm kidding You. You have permission. But anyways, he was. I was just rocking him, and then finally I put him down and I went up to H, and I was like. I had, like, my first moment of, like, fear. Because this apparently happens with parents where they have, like, moments of fear.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Remember when we saw the John Mulaney stand up and he talked about his son in the rearview mirror?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's like, I want to be called who shall not be named or something.

[A]

No, he wanted to be called, like,

[B]

scary son, Scary man or Scary man or something.

[A]

Like. Yeah, he had a joke about kids get scary.

[B]

And also, like, horror movies. Kids are on that.

[A]

Fuck.

[B]

But this was my first time ever being scared. And I went up to. I was like, so this happened. He was like, oh. I'm like, what? He's like, sometimes I do that. Like, I'm like. So they mimic everything you do, and randomly. One day, he was going like this, and I was like, I don't know what that is. Where'd you get that? And then H does it to him. Oh, man.

[A]

Wow. So H is just teaching him scary shit, I guess.

[B]

But, like, first time I was scared by my son, and that was.

[D]

And it won't be the last.

[A]

It will not be the last.

[B]

Maybe I need to take a break from horror movies. But I love that he's gonna take

[A]

a break from my son.

[B]

Maybe I need to take a break from my son.

[A]

Hey, man, I need to not.

[D]

He's been gaslighting left and right when the animals hung out with him. Is that a thing you can do?

[A]

Nature raising? Of course.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

[A]

No, that.

[B]

That'll see how that worked with.

[A]

Are you pointing.

[D]

Harambe.

[B]

Harambe.

[A]

No.

[D]

No, it didn't. When? Because we got shot.

[A]

Didn't work.

[B]

Anyways, I'm gonna start with my. One of my top five.

[A]

Okay. So what we're doing today, by the way, let's explain top fives. We'll. We'll talk about top fives in general, but you're gonna read out five things that are a top five of something, and we're guessing what the list is.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Okay. I wonder if I should start strong or just middle it. I'm gonna go middle it.

[A]

Yeah. Middle it.

[B]

Okay. Here my. Here are my Middleton top fives.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And obviously the first one that I read is my top.

[D]

Oh, I don't. I don't have.

[B]

Oh, we don't like that.

[D]

I mean, that's fine. I'm saying I don't have mine ordered, so.

[A]

Oh, yeah, it's fine. It's just a. It's just a category.

[B]

Okay, fine.

[A]

But. But we'll know that this is your. You're starting with number one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Yeah. Sand.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Ocean. Furry carpet. Cool. Tile. Clay balls.

[A]

Okay. This. Favorite things to, like, lay down in. Like, to.

[D]

Favorite things to have on your feet.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Damian is.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

Those are good clay balls. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You guys know what they're talking about.

[A]

Clay balls.

[B]

Like, like a Korean spa.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I ended up getting those, like, lacrosse style, like, therapy balls to, like.

[A]

Oh, yeah, the knots.

[D]

And I gotta. I got a massage a few weeks back, and I don't do that. I was like. But I was like, God, I'm so tense after, you know, being on planes and stuff. And you guys, my energy is better. Like, they got knots out of my back where I'm like, have I just been carrying this for like, six years?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Did you get a massage where they. It's like they're beating you up or a massage that's like, a little more like, hurt a lot.

[B]

I think it's.

[A]

Whenever I get a massage, I'm like, I want you to try to kill me.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Break my bones.

[A]

Yeah. Truly. It's not like people, like, whenever I see massages advertised and it's very, like, soothing, relaxing. Like, that is not my experience, and I don't want it to be.

[B]

I can go to sleep. Why?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But the only thing is you have to be really careful when you send, like, your mom to one of those massage places when she's visiting because she's not prepared. I literally sent her to my favorite place where they. You up. Like, your ribs are this close to cracking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she got out and she was like. I mean, I felt like I needed

[A]

to, you know, say, uncle.

[B]

I was in there. She's like, they slapped me.

[A]

They truly do, like, WWE finishers on you sometimes where they, like, get up on the table and they're like, pulling your leg. Yeah. And it's like stretching your, like, your quads in a great way. But it's like, truly, it's like. It's like, bam. When they, like, truly Step on your neck. They're, like, stepping on my neck.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know if this, like, we spa and, like, Korean spas, when they, like, get. They have the bars high above.

[D]

Yeah, the lady had the bar.

[A]

They're, like, stepping. They're stepping on your back. And they. They would walk on your back up to. Basically my neck.

[D]

That's crazy.

[B]

You got special treatment.

[A]

People are nodding their heads. I'm not alone in this. Just kidding. Yeah.

[D]

Also, I did not mean to detract that much from your top five. I just thought of the therapy balls. Oh, my God. It changed because you asked what it was, and it.

[A]

I mean, that's what we do.

[B]

That's. That. Those are the massages that I love. And also, I will say, witnessing people get into a clay ball room is probably the funniest thing.

[A]

I've never been in a clay ball room.

[B]

Whoa, guys. If you want to have, like, a ball pit, it is like a. Okay. Little clay balls that are like this. It's dead silent. And you're laying there, and the balls are warm. It feels amazing. And you're laying there, and then some

[A]

kid pops up out of the balls.

[D]

I've been here for five days.

[B]

No. Now you're going to scare me. Guys, stop.

[A]

I lost a fly down there.

[B]

Where are my French flies? No. People try to come in and get to their spot, and they just. They walk and they're like, oh. Ow. Oh, God.

[D]

So I'm imagining the whole surface of the ground is covered with clay. So it's like a. It's like a Scooby Doo slipping on marbles situation.

[B]

Pretty much. But they're trying to get to their spot, but they're just, like, struggling.

[D]

Sounds like it'd be hard to relax when someone's like, it is really hard.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[D]

Ow.

[B]

It is really hard.

[A]

It's one of your favorites. I'm trying to think of things that I love to step on, like. Like, beneath my feet. That's a really nice one. Oh. You know when you're walking on tile and you're barefoot, you're walking on tile, and then you make your way to one of those soft, like, padded, like, mats, and you get to step off something really, like, concrete onto something really soft.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That moment is amazing.

[B]

That moment is nice.

[D]

I like that a lot. I think, honestly, the top five that you gave, other than clay balls, because I don't know what that's like, would more or less be mine. Like a really comfortable carpet. Like a really soft. But one thing I do Love is going outside, and there's, like, hot concrete, but not too hot. And you're in your bare feet, and you're like, ooh, this is a good

[A]

level of, like, hot.

[B]

Selena likes.

[D]

I can't stay on this for long.

[A]

I don't get that.

[B]

People like to feel a little bit of the burn.

[A]

Little bit of the burn.

[D]

Like, I don't do well in heat, but if I'm like, I only need to be out here for a minute,

[B]

and I do you, like, like hot leather seats, though? You know when you go into someone's car and it's been in the sun for too long and you're like, oh,

[D]

I don't love hot leather seats, but I don't mind the. I think I've brought this up before on smosh stuff. I don't mind the really hot air for just, like, 30 seconds. Like, getting in the car and being like, wow. Just like, oh, it's the. I'm full of infrared.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

And then you turn on the air.

[B]

So hot concrete, hot concrete. What else? Anything else? Like, fuzzy socks.

[D]

I was also thinking about, okay, very gently, my cat. Like, if I'm laying on the sofa and my cat's sleeping there, I'll just go, like, happening.

[A]

My cats don't tolerate.

[D]

Freya just loves being a. Wow.

[B]

Little, little, little feet on a cat

[A]

are so weird with what they do. Tolerate and then don't.

[D]

Tuppence is getting better.

[A]

But, yeah, yeah, learning the way.

[D]

Learning the way.

[B]

The way of you putting your feet on.

[A]

Not.

[D]

Not the feet. But actually, he did sniff my toe the other day. But no, like, more. More that, like, you do.

[B]

You wake up, you're like, why are my feet wet? He's like,

[D]

yeah, I'm raising him to be a pervert. No, he just, like, he, like, curled into my tummy, and he's starting to be like, okay, I just want to be, like, near you. And then he, like, laid against my butt the other day just like. So he's getting better with just, like, wanting the contact.

[A]

Bones has weirdly switched.

[B]

He.

[A]

He, for the longest time, wanted to be spooned in bed. Like, he would, like, be little spoon. Yeah, he wanted to be wrapped up and held. But nowadays he's become. For some reason, it suddenly switched, and he's now end of the bed cat.

[B]

He's matured.

[A]

But cats switch around, and I think, is it, like. Like a instinctual hunting thing that they find different spots? It's like, okay, I'm like, I'm posted up here for a while. I don't know. And he's guarding your feet, but they never stay in one place for that long.

[B]

Yeah, they'll be like, he'll be at

[A]

the end of the bed for a while, and then he's gonna find a new spot that he chills in.

[D]

Freya has. Has decided that this, like, this one stuffed animal next to the sofa on the right is like her new spot. And at first I was worried because it was right before I was about to travel a bunch. And she's just sitting there half under the sofa in this weird spot. I'm like, what's wrong? What is different? Why are you, like, hiding and sleeping in this weird spot? And it turns out that's just her

[A]

new thing, just what she wants. This episode of Smoshmouth is sponsored by Shopify. There are a ton of what ifs when starting a new business.

[B]

Oh, yeah. When we first started Smoshmouth, we really had to, like, get into our groove and figure out what worked for us. And it was, like, really scary, but really exciting.

[A]

And starting a business means finding the best partners or programs to accomplish your goals. This is why Smosh uses Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world.world and 10% of all E commerce in the US from household names like Rare beauty and Heinz to brands just getting started.

[B]

And I love that Shopify offers templates because it's like one less thing for us to worry about. And there's so many that matches our vibe.

[A]

You know what I care about having an expert in commerce. They can help with managing inventory, international shipping, and processing returns. And everything is in one place. Payments, analytics and more.

[B]

And Shopify does our merch website. I don't know if you've seen it. First of all, spring essentials. It is so good, so clean, so easy to use.

[A]

Absolutely. It's time to turn those wh ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comsmosh go to shopify.comsmosh that's shopify.comsmosh back to the show.

[B]

Back to the show. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[A]

Damien, would you want to read a top five? Smoshmouth is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money. When you bundle your home in auto policies, the process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Back to the show.

[C]

At Nature's Bounty, the belief is simple. You already have a brilliant body. Supplements just help support your journey. For over 50 years, nature's bounty has offered vitamins and supplements to help you eat, sleep, thrive, repeat. From magnesium glycinate for heart and muscle support to hair growth capsules for fuller, thicker hair and probiotics. With 20 billion live cultures for digestion. Nature's Bounty. It's in your nature to thrive. Learn [e-mail] these statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

[D]

I would love to do an olive oil. You know what?

[B]

Would you.

[D]

Here I go. Scarlet, gold, yellow. One you can't sweat out Saturday night.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, I got it.

[D]

What is it?

[A]

Is it fever?

[D]

Yeah. Top five types of fever.

[B]

So you love scarlet fever the most?

[D]

It's the best. High mortality rate.

[B]

It's so one you can't sweat out. Okay, that's really good. I was just struggling with Scarlet.

[D]

Yep. Scarlet fever, Gold fever, Yellow fever.

[B]

I've never even heard of gold fever.

[D]

Well, I just mean like gold rush fever. Like, I've got gold fever.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[D]

Because there's golden.

[A]

Different type of fever there.

[D]

Hills.

[A]

At first I thought it was Pokemon games.

[D]

That's. That's why I wrote yellow. A little twist.

[B]

I thought it was shirt colors because

[D]

I thought we were going to be naming these one by one. And so I was like, I'm gonna still get Shane for the first three.

[A]

Oh. Oh. We could do it that way. Yeah, we could, but not for that one.

[D]

But.

[B]

And that one's done now it's kind of that one we put to bed. This is really fun, though.

[A]

Do you have a. Okay. Do you have an. This is going to be weird. When you get sick, is there a one sickness that you get and you're kind of like, it's like, kind of cool with this at times.

[D]

Honestly, I'm kind of a baby because I. I'm such a workaholic that anything feels like, no, now I can't do my stuff.

[A]

Yeah. They're like, I don't. I hate being sick. But there is something, like when you get, like, just a mild cold, and it's like the type that you're just kind of, like, tired and it's like, all right, you know, it. Get it. It almost like, because I'm a workaholic. At times it gives me the, like, excuse that I'm, like, a half.

[B]

Yeah, you can kind of deal with it. But once I have, like, a sore throat and a fever, it sucks.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

If it's throat, I'm pissed. And also, like, I know people who have, like, major migraines and stuff. Tiny headaches will take me out. Headaches feel like such a baby headache.

[A]

I'm done. I cannot handle a headache.

[B]

Headaches suck.

[A]

I am so grateful I am someone who does not get headaches because I'm down for the count. Yeah, I have a mild one.

[B]

Yeah. Headaches suck down for the count.

[D]

Now that you mention it, I don't really mind this. How do I phrase this?

[B]

Rashes all over your body.

[D]

Yeah, no, I hate that one. I don't really mind stuff that, like, makes you really go to the bathroom a bunch. Like, if your stomach is kind of. Like, if I feel kind of sick and want to throw up, that's awful. But, like, out the other. And I'm like, great, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom a bunch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can I. Can I be honest? This is gonna sound insane.

[B]

I can't wait.

[A]

And I don't. I don't want this. But, like, after you have food poisoning and after, like, the food poisoning is, like, the. The worst of it is done right, and you're just exhausted. There's something a little nice about being so ex. Like, it feels like you're in a crater in the ground, and you're just like, well, I have to relax.

[B]

You're, like, empty.

[A]

My body cannot do anything. You've been cleansed empty.

[D]

It looks like after, like, a crazy rainstorm, like, you open the door the next morning, and, like, the sun is coming up and the air is clear, and, like. Yeah, there's a ton of sticks everywhere because half the trees went down.

[B]

But, yeah, because there was a tornado outside.

[D]

Yeah, there was a tornado. Of course, that represents the diarrhea, Right? But then. Right then, you're otherwise fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I like that.

[A]

I. That. That is probably the only good part of being sick ever.

[B]

But I would rather have a fever and chills than be throwing up. I.

[D]

Throwing up is the worst.

[B]

I remember one time I was really, really sick when I was pregnant, and I also had food poisoning at the same time, and I think you did the same week.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. And I was green in the face, watching all the X Men. Like, laying in bed like this.

[A]

Well, that's why you're so sick.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I'VE been to the hospital for food poisoning before. Like, it. It.

[B]

They told me I should go in, but I did not want to throw up. And h was like, you are green in the face. You. You are pregnant. You need to throw up. And I was like, no, I've definitely

[A]

told the story of me having food poisoning on set.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Before on the show. Right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I forget.

[B]

And that's it. That's all we're gonna do.

[A]

And that's it.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

The worst food poisoning I ever had. I had it.

[B]

It was on Goldberg's.

[D]

Right?

[A]

It was on Goldberg's. It was in the middle of shooting. It was the middle of a scene. And I. Mike has turned me, and he looks me in the face. I didn't say anything. He just looks at me and just goes, go to the bathroom. And I truly was just like. And I tumbled out while people were in the middle of their dialogue. And it was awful.

[B]

You can tell.

[A]

Oh, like. And it hits immediately.

[D]

More like Shaq Bradley.

[A]

Nice. It's truly. It's like a. Like you're immediately sick.

[B]

Did I tell you that when we were in Denver for Reddit, I turned on the hotel TV and it was immediately the Goldbergs. Oh, God.

[A]

Deal with it.

[B]

No, it was cute. I watched a little bit of it. Like one second or two seconds.

[A]

Okay, I've got. Throwing it. I've got a. I've got it. Mine are all silly.

[B]

Okay, okay, we like silly.

[A]

Okay, here we go. Here we go.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

20 oh, my. 51150

[D]

top five bills of cash.

[A]

You nailed it, dude.

[B]

I have a feeling me thinks I'm gonna lose.

[A]

There's no winning.

[B]

That is not a game.

[A]

We're just having fun here, and that's fine.

[D]

Well, to correct point of order, there's no winning. There is losing.

[B]

That's really fun. So wait, your favorite bill is what?

[A]

My favorite bill. Okay, so my favorite bills. First is 20. 20 bill is the. The king. Right.

[D]

Got the shittiest dude on it, though.

[A]

I know that sucks, but it is.

[B]

Wait, what's your favorite. What's Your favorite bill?

[A]

$20 bill. It's just a good number to have.

[B]

Like, who's on that? Andrew Jackson.

[A]

Andrew Jackson. He's a huge piece of shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And he really is.

[B]

We should tell him.

[A]

It's like the worst.

[B]

Tell him get his ass.

[A]

Five dollar bill, though. Lincoln Crispy. Yeah, the best of the presidents on there. But I just mean as a number, as, like, for when you're like, five is a good one because it's like, oh, this is really nice for a lot of situations. It can cover a lot.

[B]

20 is like. This might be two.

[A]

20 is gonna have to get broken up, most likely.

[D]

But I feel like if you're gonna bring a 20, it's probably. You probably need it for something more. And they just get. You're just too. Too many 20s you have to bring.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And $1 bill.

[A]

I like a $1 bill. No, $1 bills. That can be really handy.

[B]

Those can get crumpled.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

So my dad loves carrying $1 bills, but he has a Datsun. And I don't know what the Datsun steel is, but they like to burrow.

[A]

Is that like a.

[B]

What do you know, Like. Like a hot dog? Dog.

[D]

Are you saying.

[B]

Am I wrong?

[D]

What did you say? One more time, what did you say?

[B]

I said Datsun.

[D]

Yeah, that's not what it's called.

[B]

What's it called?

[A]

It's a dachshund.

[D]

It's with a dch.

[A]

No, it's.

[B]

You shot your mouth.

[C]

No.

[B]

So it's a docketed, son.

[A]

It's D a C H S U

[D]

n D H. It's like even weirder.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, he has a doctor shunned and they apparently like to burrow.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And so my dad keeps $1 bills in his pocket.

[A]

Shut up.

[D]

Wait.

[B]

My dad keeps $1 bills in his pocket. And sometimes he'll fall asleep on the couch and all you see is his dotson just aggressively burrowing in his. His pocket and ripping up crumpled dollar $1 bills. So when I think of $1 bills, I just think of the daka sun getting dollar bills out of my dad's pocket.

[D]

Why?

[B]

Is there something wrong with me?

[D]

Well, no, it's just.

[A]

Sorry. Something wrong with you? You just described the weirdest situation.

[D]

The dog knows currency. Why not keep like. Trust me.

[A]

And your dad has not changed where he puts the one. He has lost so much money.

[D]

Don't victim blame. The man's being robbed.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Do victim blame. Because my dad does the same thing. He goes, oh, Rosie. Oh, Rosie, what are you doing? And then he still will put his dollar bills and then have them like this and then go. And then shove them in his pockets.

[A]

Oh, that sucks. Girls, girls, hold on, girls.

[B]

I got some cash. Hold on, girls. Let me get some cash for you. You're just like, like, Jesus, don't do that.

[A]

I hate a crumpled dollar bill.

[D]

Yeah, same.

[B]

Me too.

[D]

Oh, I do like dollar bills because it's like I was just in Philadelphia for the first time. It was great. And like, I walked past two different street musicians, and they were both awesome. And I got to go like, oh, here you go. And put it in the little bin. But if it's a five, you're like, giving five bucks. Like, I want to support, but I kind of need this five.

[B]

Nice.

[D]

But then, like, you don't want to just be like, here's some coins that nobody uses anymore.

[B]

A dollar is nice coins. The only coins that matter, I'm so sorry to say it is quarters. Because laundry.

[D]

Sacagawea quarters differ.

[A]

Quarters are useful. There are parts of.

[B]

What is that? Half dollar?

[D]

One dollar.

[B]

Oh, that's one dollar.

[A]

That's a whole dollar right there.

[D]

It's a dollar.

[B]

And pennies.

[A]

Are those still in print or they're in circulation?

[D]

I don't know if they're being printed. Two dollar bills are in circulation. A lot of people, like, think they're rare. They're only rare because people keep them thinking, wow, I found them. But, like, they make them every year.

[B]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I've only ever gotten one shout out

[D]

to the person who paid me only in two dollar bills at the con because they were like, I really wanted to share this and, like, show off. And because it was fresh two dollar bills from the bank. And I was like, that's cool.

[A]

Holy. You have a lot of love. Is it Jefferson?

[D]

I think it's Jesus.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. God is on the two dollar bill.

[A]

Studying for Jeopardy still.

[B]

Yeah. What are you getting on Jeopardy?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

We'll see.

[D]

I. I saw some in a hotel room. I, like, watched a couple episodes and I was like, Selena could beat the out of any of these people.

[B]

She could crush it. I have another one.

[A]

Should I. Did I. I did mine.

[D]

You didn't explain why you, like, 150 or whatever. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, that's just. Then it's just. Those are the final ones. Hundreds just too big. I'm not like, that's crazy. Unless you're in Vegas and you're trying to just lose everything.

[D]

Buy a candy bar with a hundred dollar bill. Just be like, can you break this?

[B]

Yeah. That's tough.

[A]

Sorry.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. You ready?

[A]

Yeah. Do you want to go one at a time and we guess?

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Sick.

[A]

Sick.

[D]

Favorite kind of day.

[A]

Did he nail it?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, sick. Okay. Favorite type of, like, adjectives to respond to something with, like, be like, oh, this, this, this.

[B]

Be like, sick, nasty.

[D]

Oh, Favorite level of doing good in Tony Hawk. Like, oh, your Ollie was sick.

[B]

That's crazy. That's literally it. What? No, I'm kidding.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Okay. Sorry, Damien.

[D]

That's fine.

[A]

Best ways to be described.

[B]

Ew.

[A]

Oh. Top responses to someone doing something gross.

[D]

Yeah. Top responses to finding a big old doo doo on the ground horrific. One of. One of, like, Angela's stories. What you say to it?

[B]

That's good. Stop. That's the last one. So sick. Nasty. Ew. Horrific. Stop.

[D]

Is that. That's a chance response? Top five chance responses.

[A]

Pretty good.

[D]

No.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

I give up.

[B]

It's actually words for things I love. So anytime I see, like, a character or like a video or like a wig or, like, I'm like. I'm like, that's horrific.

[D]

Stop.

[B]

Sick. Nasty.

[D]

Is that what you meant by all that stuff?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah, it's true.

[B]

I'm weird like that. I'm so weird like that. Like. Like, if someone comes out in a character, I'm like, oh, my God. That, like, ew. Or when someone says, like, a thing, I'm just like, ew. But I love it.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

I'm horrible.

[A]

Because that's like. To you, that's like. That's what's funny.

[B]

I'm just like, ooh.

[A]

Because you love, like, sick up characters.

[B]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

Most of your characters are gross.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I think, like, I kind of genuinely like your characters always have some sort of, like, gross aspect.

[B]

It's like, a lot of like, they're. They're kind of like, I want you to see my character. Like, if. If they were like, all right, I'm gonna get out of the house today, and I'm gonna talk to that one guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they just let it all hang out. Not physically, but, like.

[A]

Cause in a either upcoming or already released episode of Bit City, you play up like a pop star. Like a retired pop star. And her name is Daria Rhea.

[D]

Yeah, that was a crazy.

[B]

And that is nasty.

[A]

And she is kind of nasty.

[B]

And I fell so deep into her. I don't even know where Amanda was. Not there. It was a get out situation.

[A]

You would. We would cut and you would stay in.

[B]

I was so low in my body that Dariah took over.

[A]

And we have another episode of Bit City coming out soon where you're playing a man, and you're the. Maybe the grossest man we've ever had. You are like a crumpled dollar bill. You're. What?

[B]

Which episode?

[A]

The. I don't want to say the Public. Public. Public access.

[B]

Oh, okay. I thought you meant the. I thought you meant the Rory episode. I Was like.

[A]

No, not to r. No, I'm saying.

[B]

Okay. I thought you meant the teenager one.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I play a man.

[A]

You haven't filmed it yet?

[B]

We haven't filmed it yet.

[A]

We have something that we haven't filmed yet that we're playing the grossest man ever.

[B]

But my b. Like. Yeah, you get it. Is like, I love to kind of show that, like, that side of people that are just. Yeah, you know what I mean? That, like, only their close friends get to see, but they've decided to just let it out today.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That's my favorite.

[D]

I feel like Sarah. Christ is sticky.

[B]

She's so sticky.

[A]

Yeah, she. I feel like most of your characters have a little bit of the energy of the guy who's just fully naked in the locker room at a public

[B]

gym, and he just, like, gives a quick slap on the butt, and he's like, nice one.

[A]

Give a quick slap to someone else.

[B]

So sad. That one is higher than mine. How'd you do that, man?

[A]

How you do that, dude?

[D]

Baritone soprano.

[B]

You just zoom away. And it's two guys and one guy going like this, but you can only see the back of them.

[D]

Foghorn. Leghorn.

[A]

I'll say.

[B]

I'll say. Whoa. How do you turn this thing on?

[A]

Let me turn this lamp on real quick.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

They came alive lower than I expected. Hey.

[A]

Okay, so sorry. What was the theme of this episode again?

[D]

Top five.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your eyes are soaked.

[D]

I know. Okay.

[A]

God.

[D]

I got another one. I'm ready for.

[B]

I'm ready for it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

My home.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Safe space.

[A]

Favorite places to be.

[D]

The smosh. Office.

[A]

Places I spend the most time.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, Monday through Friday places.

[A]

I think I know it. On the next one.

[D]

A nice hotel.

[B]

Best places you.

[A]

Best places to sleep.

[B]

He doesn't sleep here, does he?

[A]

Every people sleep here.

[B]

I don't. Damien's taking best places to eat food.

[D]

An airport lounge.

[B]

Most. Most social he's had. No. What are you talking about? He's home first.

[A]

Favorite places to get work done.

[D]

A Barnes and Noble.

[B]

Favorite places to read.

[A]

Favorite place to take a dump.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So smosh office.

[A]

There's. I'm not a big fan. Not a big fan of this place to take.

[B]

Well, it's great because, like, Barnes and Noble, eh?

[A]

Oh, yeah. So you've heard about the bookstore thing? Yeah, It's a real thing.

[B]

You know, I haven't. How dare you?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

How dare you?

[A]

So it's a real. I think it's been studied that when you walk into a bookstore, for some reason it Makes you gotta shit.

[B]

Do you know why? I think because.

[A]

Wait, Sarah, you just said you didn't

[B]

know, and then I didn't know, but now.

[D]

But now she's gonna learn yourself.

[A]

She's gonna learn you.

[B]

I'm gonna catch on fast, I feel like, because it's very relaxing and cozy.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's part of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I think there's just this aspect to it that's like, oh, it's a little bit nicer than like, do you have a bathroom? Like, you know, they do, and it's probably well put together.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Smosh office. What I like about it is, you know, a lot of our bathrooms are gender neutral, but sometimes they're gender neutral and they're still built specifically where you're like, oh, this used to be a men's room. So you have to lock the door behind you because they can only be you in there because you don't know who's gonna walk in. And there's two urinals and a still locked stall on the left. And so I'm like, I have two layers of protection. No one's gonn to walk in. I can just.

[A]

It's true. That is nice.

[D]

It's great.

[A]

Some of them, all of them are a little different, though. But I love the ones that are. You walk in and there's a stall and you lock. You get multiple levels of two barriers.

[D]

If someone's trying to get to you, you're like, good luck. I'm going to finish before you can kill me.

[A]

No, no, no. I'll be fully done. Wow. Yeah. No, the Barnes and Noble thing is very real, though. And I know that because I love Barnes and Noble. I love, love shopping for books.

[B]

And they know about.

[A]

I would go in there and they know about me.

[B]

They're like, here he comes, here he comes.

[A]

Well, I'm fine.

[B]

When I walk in, people dive out of his way.

[A]

When I walk in, I'm okay. They. I walk in and they're like, oh, okay, he's fine.

[B]

You pick up one. Psychology.

[D]

I'm gonna take this in there for a minute, give it a test drive.

[A]

But it's like gravity shifts when you walk into a Barnes and Noble.

[D]

It does.

[A]

And. And truly, you're just like. Like, oh, my God.

[D]

Employees turn to you and go. Go to the bathroom.

[A]

Run.

[B]

We just blew up Barnes and Noble's spot. Literally.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It's all. Bookstores and libraries are probably the same case.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

I thought their theory was that something with, like, the page, like glue and stuff in the Air and whatever.

[D]

I think that's giving everyone too much credit. Yeah.

[B]

Cozy books.

[A]

Maybe everyone's just bored as hell because they hate reading.

[B]

Probably, but not me.

[D]

I just, like, I don't know, when you're out with your. Like, I remember being out with my family when I was a kid shopping. And if you had to use the restroom, like, what's the nicest option? Like, oh, that's so true. They have a bathroom in the Circuit City? Like, no, there's a Barnes and Noble right there. True.

[B]

Do you know what I wish? I wish there was, like, a restaurant that you could only come and read.

[D]

I think they have. I mean, there.

[B]

There's like, no talking.

[A]

Oh, no talking.

[B]

Don't get me wrong, I love talking in a restaurant. But, like, it would be fun to. I don't know. I guess people do that in coffee, you know, what's.

[A]

This was such a weird culture shock experience. But in Japan, there's a ramen place called Ichiran. And it's delicious, but it is a single stall.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Ramen place. So you walk in and you don't. You don't sit with anyone. You go and you have your stall and it's. It's blocked off from everyone around you. And even you don't see the waiters or anything because it's. Their faces are. You just see, like, their hands come in with the food and everything's like. You write down what you want and hand it off.

[B]

What?

[A]

You never talk to a single person the entire time.

[B]

Did you like that?

[A]

I kind of like it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially because ramen is such a, like, personal. It's kind of messy and, like, hot.

[D]

There's noodles flopping everywhere.

[A]

So I'm kind of like, ah, it's a nice one for me to just.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And this is for people who are, like, in and out.

[B]

Is it only just one spot? Like, what if you have someone else with you?

[A]

You go to different stalls.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

Like, no one wants to see a man with a beard eat soup. You know what I mean? Am I right, James?

[B]

Never.

[A]

Nobody wants to see that gross shit. Am I right? No, I'm just kidding. But it's such an interesting experience of like. Oh. Like a singular experience.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

And then it does remind me, though, of pubs in, like, England when I've gone to. That's my first experience. When I. The first time I went to London and I walked into a pub that was fully packed, that's when it hit me how loud Americans are. And I was like, wow, it's so quiet here. And there'll be someone at the bar, at the pub, reading a book.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

With a full ass beer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, you never. You can't do that at bars in America because it's so loud.

[D]

And they'll call you a nerd.

[A]

Yeah. And they'll beat you.

[B]

And they'll be on you about it. They're just like. So. Especially as, like, a female. I'm sorry, but you. You just can't. You can't really sit at a bar by yourself.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And I would love to.

[D]

It like, was that east of Eden? Do you want a martini?

[B]

And I'll be like, yeah, cool. Like a martini.

[A]

Okay, I've got one.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

We got this.

[B]

We got this.

[A]

Jumbo stripper.

[B]

Strip club.

[D]

Favorite type of shrimp.

[B]

Mega words for big

[D]

types of Ladon.

[B]

Boob sizes.

[D]

Yeah. Sizes of yabos. Big old yabos.

[B]

Knocker sizes.

[A]

The game.

[B]

The movie with. What's his name? Because that's a great movie.

[A]

What movie?

[B]

The game. What's his name? The guy who's married to Catherine Zeta Jones.

[A]

Michael Douglas.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it, like, never watched the game.

[B]

Great movie.

[D]

I feel like it's gonna be something like Jumbo Monopoly. Mega Monopoly. Like Monopoly the game. Or like something like that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Legacy.

[B]

Bath. Bath. Legacy.

[D]

Betrayal.

[B]

Legacy.

[A]

That's. Yeah.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

And then finally just. Yeah, the. The original.

[D]

Oh, it's got to be some movie series. Or is it Uno? No. Why would it be the game?

[B]

No, because he would have said no mercy. Jumbo. Mega Legacy.

[A]

Those are definitely my two tops of this category. Definitely Jumbo and Mega. And I think in that order.

[B]

If this is a video game, I'm out.

[A]

Not a video game.

[D]

If this is. Well, it.

[A]

Is it. Okay, maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Yes and no.

[D]

So is it.

[A]

You know. You know this, though?

[D]

Is it a movie?

[A]

The movies are one of them.

[B]

Wait, Star Trek.

[A]

No, Star Trek.

[B]

Jumbo.

[A]

Selena. You got this?

[B]

James did.

[A]

Yeah, of course James did.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Jumbo.

[B]

Jumbo. It's Jumbo. That's really throwing me.

[A]

Jumbo. Mega Legacy.

[B]

Oh, Pokemon. Not Pokemon. Sonic the Hedgehog.

[A]

Mega Sonic and Jumbo Sonic.

[D]

There's Super Sonic and Hyper Knuckles. It stands to reason that Megasonic would be.

[B]

Thank you, Daniel, for supporting me.

[A]

No. Do you want me to give it to you?

[B]

No, not really. I want another clue. Like. Don't be crazy, man. Slow down.

[D]

Are we gonna, like, kick ourselves for this? No. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. It's favorite Trons.

[B]

So you gave it away.

[D]

That's awesome.

[A]

Well, I said, well, like, because Jumbotron. That's number one.

[D]

That's Megatron and Megatron. That's great.

[A]

I love the game. I played the game like they really. Yeah, it was like a web browser game that I found at one point. Like Tron where you just.

[D]

What about Tron Bond, the character from Mega Man Legends.

[A]

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[C]

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[B]

He doesn't know what that is.

[A]

I don't know what that is.

[B]

What a larger what that is.

[A]

Are there other Trons?

[D]

Tron. Bon.

[B]

The original Tron and then the remake of Tron.

[A]

Is that the original ii? And it wasn't a REM remake. It wasn't a remake. It wasn't a remake. What's his name?

[B]

Planet? Are we on cuz?

[A]

No, Kurt. What's the guy who's in the original?

[B]

Yes, yes, yes.

[A]

He's in the like the guy who's in the old man stuck in the the game that all that time.

[B]

Guys, what's Jeff Bridges?

[A]

Jeff Bridges. And he fights Clue. His like weird clone version. I thought those movies are.

[B]

Isn't his son.

[A]

It's his son.

[D]

That's why it's Legacy, I think. Yeah, right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because that's his legacy.

[D]

It's also in Kingdom Hearts.

[A]

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Oh, you could have added that and then we would have gotten it.

[A]

I wanted to find other types of Tron.

[B]

That's really fun.

[A]

Yeah. But Jumbotron, like you can't beat that. It's funny. Whenever I'm at a sports game and like they're on the field, you. You bought tickets to go see the live thing, but you end up watching the Jumbotron so much.

[B]

Have you ever been on the Jumbotron like you smiling or on his camera or anything.

[A]

I don't, I don't want that.

[B]

Well, you don't get to choose. They choose.

[A]

They can find you.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

I don't want to. You know what's a fear of mine is they do that thing where they go, celebrity lookalikes. Celebrity lookalikes. And they'll be like, ugly face.

[D]

Like, oh, piece of like it is.

[A]

And you're.

[B]

They're just like, oh, it's my favorite clips to watch. And then the people are like. Or they die laughing.

[A]

The worst is what the people. And I. Can I be honest? I get a little mad at them even though it's not their fault at all. When people are on the jumbotron and they don't realize they're on the Jumbotron until it's always the last second. And they're like, they're. They're like.

[B]

And you're like, look.

[D]

That's the look, dumbass. That's the opposite of what you're talking about. You're like, you're spending all this money and you're going to watch the jumbo.

[A]

Exactly. Idiots enjoying. They're actually doing the right thing. I'm the problem.

[B]

You're not. I also hate those people too.

[A]

It's not a justified emotion.

[B]

So hard.

[A]

It's what I feel.

[B]

No, I get it.

[D]

They fudgeing suck. I hope they die.

[B]

Yeah, no, hey, I didn't say that. That.

[D]

I hope they trip running 110 miles per hour and then get shredded to dust by the road.

[A]

It does make me think about the. That Coldplay concert again. That was. That was truly hilarious.

[B]

I think she went on a talk show to be like, what the hell?

[A]

Stop.

[B]

This ruined my life. So I, I'll never forget. I think, I think I had given birth like two days ago and my sister was staying with us and she's like, oh my God. So this Coldplay thing. And I was like. And that's. She was just like, man, oh man. This cold blade thing, it's crazy. Like, look at this picture. Oh my God. Everyone at my work is freaking out about it.

[D]

And I was like, I made a human did.

[B]

I was like, I was not there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then later I went, oh my God. There was this Coldplay thing. And H is like, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Welcome back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was really, really.

[B]

It was really sad. Do you know what the thing is, if they didn't react. Oh, no, buddy. I get, I get why they did. But nobody would have noticed.

[A]

Oh, they. I mean, Chris Martin Literally goes, oh, I think they're cheating. Like, well, that response. Yeah, you guys are cheating. And then she was head of hr.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it's like, dude, I know, dude.

[A]

All the way down.

[D]

Don't. Just don't cheat.

[A]

Yeah, it was pretty bad. But anyways. Okay, okay, okay.

[B]

I have. Okay.

[A]

Ginger snaps smells.

[B]

I love ginger snaps.

[D]

Ginger snaps, Mint Spice Girls.

[A]

Is this favorite types of ice cream? Because I know you. You'd pick some weird shit.

[B]

Yeah, it is, you stinking idiot. Really?

[D]

I love mint ice cream.

[A]

Ginger ice cream.

[B]

It's literally my favorite.

[A]

I've never.

[B]

Mashti Malone says the best ginger ice cream I've ever had. It's Persian ice cream.

[A]

When you've talked about sweets ice cream, you like more of the.

[B]

I thought you were gonna get messed up with ginger and mint mint ice cream.

[A]

Yeah, I don't like mint ice cream, but I know, like, a lot of

[D]

people do it, Amanda, and I love it.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I do not like mint ice cream.

[B]

Okay, here are the other ones. Mango.

[A]

Mango. Lavender.

[B]

I love lavender, but I put rose. I prefer rose over lavender.

[A]

I've never had rose ice cream, but I love rose as a flavor.

[B]

Okay, you need to go to Mashy Malone's because they do a saffron pistachio Malone.

[D]

Dotson Malone, Nasty Malone's ice cream. Mashti.

[B]

I'm probably saying it wrong. Mashi Malone's.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

It's Persian, and it's.

[A]

It sounds incredible.

[B]

Saffron, pistachio rose ice grill.

[D]

That sounds expensive.

[A]

That sounds.

[B]

No, it's so good. And then toffee is, like, my last favorite, but they have a ginger with real ginger in it. So good.

[A]

I've got some. Dude, the other day, I got some pints that I put in my.

[B]

You nasty boy. Okay, slow down.

[A]

I got some. I got some.

[D]

That's like.

[A]

I got some crazy ice cream in my freezer. I got horchata ice cream.

[D]

Sounds great.

[B]

Yum.

[A]

Oh, my God. My God.

[D]

Sounds good.

[A]

I got some of that last night. I was losing my mind.

[B]

You were doing what?

[A]

What are you talking.

[B]

What were you doing while you're eating the ice cream?

[A]

I'm eating the ice cream. I don't do anything. Whoa.

[D]

I am.

[A]

I am.

[B]

You eat the ice cream at your table. No, science.

[A]

I eat it in the science. I ate in the kitchen. I truly pull it out of the freezer, throw it in the microwave for five seconds. Stop. Five seconds. Just to soften it up.

[D]

I've gone back and forth between thinking each of you was Weird in this conversation. And now you're losing.

[B]

No, he's the one who throw their. And so I never brought in frozen. I know, but I guess I just

[A]

deal with it up a tiny bit. Yeah, Okay.

[B]

I guess I just. I've never met anyone who also microwaves their ice cream.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Just for, like, a little, like, five seconds. Just five seconds.

[D]

You think that's doing much?

[A]

Because I don't like it. No, it. It absolutely does it. Absolutely.

[D]

So you're just in your kitchen, completely

[A]

bottomless, eating ice cream, just a tank top, no bottom, and I am Donald ducking it. I truly do.

[D]

That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[D]

You don't watch a movie or anything?

[A]

Like, I don't eat it for that long.

[D]

Horror movie.

[B]

I truly like three bites.

[A]

Oh, fully three bites. But, like, you know, a little bit. And then I cover it back up, put in the freezer, and then I'm.

[D]

I want to take my.

[A]

It's like a Stop. I'm not my favorite sitting down with it.

[B]

Mine is, like, scoop a little bowl. I sit down with it.

[A]

Oh, no, I'm. I'm. It's. For me, it's like, bam. Whoa. We're stopping by. We're having some ice cream. We're getting out of here.

[B]

What's your favorite ice cream?

[A]

See, I love kind of all of them. Yeah, I really do.

[B]

Except for mint.

[A]

No, I don't dislike chocolate. If I was like. If I was, like, on a vacation, it's like, oh, all we have in the freezer is chocolate chip mint ice cream or just fully mint ice cream.

[D]

You know the name.

[A]

It's mint.

[B]

Yeah. It's crazy

[A]

around. Because he's being a.

[B]

Right now, so I really let it.

[A]

If I was. If I was sitting, like, if I was somewhere, and it's like, all we have is mint chocolate chip ice cream. I'd be like, I will have a bowl of that, and I will enjoy it. So in my freezer, though, I have horchata.

[B]

Yum.

[A]

I have, like, a chocolate, like, or. It's not a chocolate. It's a. Like a cookie dough. Like, vanilla with cookie dough. Me crazy.

[B]

Yum.

[A]

And then I have what's. Oh, it's the Graham Central Station. It's. It's a Graham.

[B]

Is that Ben and Jerry's?

[A]

No, it's from Handel's. It's a graham cracker flavored ice cream that also has, like, pieces of graham cracker that are, like, really softened up because of the ice cream. It's crazy.

[D]

Have y' all done afters because afters has an ube brownie. Ube brownie ice cream.

[B]

I love ube.

[D]

It's. It'll change your life. Afters. UBE brownie. And they've also got, like, cereal milk flavors. Like, it's. They got some good flavors.

[B]

I love good flavors like that.

[A]

And then also, I ordered chocolate ice cream, and they accidentally didn't send me chocolate. It's so it says chocolate on the, like, top. And then I opened up and I'm like, this is definitely not chocolate. And I don't know what it is, but it's delicious.

[D]

You got a misprint. That's valuable.

[A]

I fucking love it. I'm like, I don't know. Well, they write it with marker. Like, it's like, oh, like it's a fun place. And I'm like, oh, you just clearly mislabeled the wrong thing. And I'm like, but I'm eating this and I'm loving it. It's got a little bit of a cinnamon vibe to it, so I don't know what it is.

[D]

Sounds like it could be like, like a Mexican hot chocolate.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

I don't think that was one of their flavors, but no, you're wrong. I will, truly. I. I, like, I will.

[B]

I don't like chocolate ice cream. That's the one.

[D]

Oh, I.

[A]

Me too. Amanda loves chocolate ice cream. Me too.

[B]

Oh, my God. We're soulmates.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Sorry. I love. I, I. Hey, I love chocolate ice cream.

[D]

I just.

[A]

Chocolate and vanilla are both so good.

[B]

Chocolate is yuckville city.

[D]

I don't think it's.

[A]

It's.

[B]

The fans are gonna come for me so hard in the comments and you know what? Come at me, bro. Chocolate can suck.

[D]

I don't think it's gross. I just think chocolate is better in, like, every other form where it's like, okay, it's a baked good. Okay. It's a bar. Okay. It's a bon bon. But it's baked.

[B]

It tastes like, like fake.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I love when they're like. They're like, every single place has, like, a different type of. The intensity of. It's like super. The super double darkest chocolate.

[D]

Chakazuma's revenge. Yeah.

[A]

Super chocolate fuck you face. And I'm like, yeah, I'm having that.

[D]

The devil sin.

[A]

No, I just like, chocolate is incredible. I go through phases.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, sometimes the chocolate gets too intense and I'm like, I'm going to take a break for a bit, go to vanilla for a while. But then I come back and it's it's great.

[B]

Sounds like an abusive relationship.

[A]

No, it's an incredible.

[D]

But that's how they would describe chocolate ice cream. Like, I have an piece more like

[A]

romance novels where it's like, I'm in love with him, but now I'm in love with him, and I go back, oh, no.

[D]

And there's only one bed. And now both the ice cream.

[B]

I'm both ice creams.

[A]

Both.

[B]

And I'm standing up in my kitchen doing it.

[D]

Yeah. Courtney's just like, shane, honey, why is there a hole in your.

[A]

I'm like. I'm like, no, it's a cylinder. Anyway.

[B]

Stuck.

[D]

All right, how much time do we have left for these? Because I want to get through two more.

[B]

Ideally, you should do yours back to back.

[D]

Okay, I'll do two real quick, because

[B]

I can do mine anytime while Shane doesn't want me to.

[D]

Okay, here we go. Here we go.

[B]

You like chocolate ice cream?

[D]

My cat's forehead.

[A]

Favorite things to. Boop.

[B]

Favorite things to lick.

[A]

What?

[D]

Pizza.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Favorite things to sniff.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Favorite smells. We got smells. We got my cat's forehead pizza. Honeysuckle, freshly ground coffee, and crisp apple candle from Bed Bath and Beyond. Oh, wow.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Specific.

[B]

Incredible.

[D]

Yeah. I think it used to be called Autumn day, and now it's like, Chris apple.

[B]

That's amazing. You know, it's kind of funny.

[A]

I've known you for so long, I don't think I realized that you loved pizza like that.

[D]

I think pizza. It's not even about. It's even about eating pizza. I think it's like going to a restaurant if you're hungry and there's like, a pizza being baked, and you smell. If you get a whiff of that, you're like, oh, I don't even mean like, oh, it's finally delivered to me.

[B]

I mean, like, pizza by the slice

[D]

being in a location where you smell the pizza being.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

I. Those are really, really freshly brewed coffee. It just. It's a full. To me, smells are full on memories.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, full on memories. If I smell something and I'm like, I told you that one time that I went up to one of my tables that I was serving, and I said, she smelled like my piano teacher.

[D]

Oh, that sound good?

[B]

She did not love it. Let me tell you. She didn't love it. And for a while, I didn't understand why. And now I'm like, oh, I associate

[D]

that with, like, embalming fluid and anger.

[B]

Hey, my piano teacher is wonderful.

[D]

Well, that's Great.

[A]

She was wonderful. Gross and dead legally.

[B]

It was a straight patchouli smell, and I had no idea what that smelled like.

[A]

So I went up to her.

[B]

I was like, oh, my God, you smell like my older piano.

[A]

Okay, well, you added an adjective to it.

[D]

God.

[A]

I know. No, that's. That's a really valid. It has me thinking fresh laundry.

[D]

That's like. Especially bed sheets. Just put down. That almost made the cut.

[A]

What's it called when you know that rain it's about to rain?

[D]

Petrichor.

[A]

Petrichor.

[D]

Or when it's.

[B]

Oh, I love that smell.

[A]

I love, like, that fresh rain smell.

[B]

Like foggy rain. Also ocean. Like an ocean breeze, if you, like, get to the.

[D]

Almost made the cut.

[A]

Tropical ocean breeze.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

We don't get it here in California.

[B]

No, we don't. Not really.

[A]

You can be literally right next to the ocean, and it does not necessarily smell like the ocean here sometimes Monica Pier.

[D]

And you'll smell something.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's something different. You'll smell Amanda's piano teacher.

[D]

Still cooking in the sun.

[A]

Still cooking.

[D]

Can I fire off two more really fast?

[A]

Absolutely.

[D]

Because I want to get it through a silly one and a real one. All right.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Saw horror movie.

[A]

Favorite type of dust.

[B]

Stop it now.

[D]

Blade.

[B]

Movies with Wesley Snipes in it. He's not in Saw.

[A]

Favorite cutting tools.

[B]

You're probably on the right path.

[D]

Machete.

[B]

Yeah. Favorite things to slice with. Thank you.

[A]

Favorite characters that are also a cutting thing.

[B]

That felt vague.

[A]

Well, because it's like Saw as a character and Blade's a character and Machete is a character.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Crank.

[A]

Favorite movies with Jason Statham. Favorite sharp movies.

[B]

Okay. Movies that can't handle you right now.

[A]

These types of things.

[D]

Bolt.

[A]

Yeah. These are all movies. What if these are just happen to be your top five favorite movies?

[B]

So his is, like, too vague, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

He's not gonna win this round.

[D]

All right.

[B]

Okay. I think. I think they're like thriller movies or

[A]

Bolt is a Disney movie.

[D]

They're my favorite tools that I've purchased. I know what you're talking about with all these.

[B]

You purchased a saw?

[D]

Yeah, I've got multiple.

[B]

Damn. Take a photo.

[D]

And I've got a circular saw. I've got a jigsaw.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Jigsaw.

[A]

I don't think I come on in any saws. Well, you.

[D]

I've got three. You can steal one?

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[D]

If you're fast enough.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Circular. Sounds intense.

[D]

Thanks. It's for tools.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whoa.

[D]

I just wanted to steer you guys a little silly.

[A]

Wrong Whoa.

[B]

I was like, on a totally.

[A]

I know happens to be five of your favorite.

[B]

Those are, like, real. That's a real.

[D]

I made it to sound like movies.

[B]

That was awesome. Thanks, Machete.

[D]

Machete.

[A]

Of those five, what's your favorite movie of those?

[D]

Swat E over Blade.

[A]

Blade.

[D]

I haven't seen. I haven't seen Blade in forever, though. I don't really remember.

[B]

I. No, thanks. I don't want to rewatch those, even though I liked them.

[A]

No, I've never seen Crank. I had someone tell me. He's like, you should watch Crank, dude. That movie's amazing. It also does not like it. It did not age well at all.

[B]

And I'm like, you're supposed to have sexy adrenaline. Adrenaline.

[D]

Just like. I've got.

[A]

I've got to.

[B]

Everything inside.

[D]

I'm going to have to. While I draw.

[B]

I'm gonna have to. You man.

[A]

To ever come out.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't. I don't know about any of those.

[A]

I've never seen it.

[B]

I'm sorry, but can't. He can't do no wrong. I love him.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

He's a transporter.

[A]

Bolt. I watched while I was at a dentist once. Oh, I think forever ago.

[B]

What?

[A]

Forever ago.

[D]

The wonder dog.

[A]

I. I think I would.

[B]

Do they have the sound on?

[A]

I think.

[B]

How long were you sitting there?

[A]

Where they put those glasses on? You could watch a movie.

[D]

Oh, yeah. They, like, peel your eyelids back and they make you watch something, and then the guy from Clockwork Orange pops out. I think it was. Can I. Can I throw out one more really quick one?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Kakapo.

[B]

You mean kakapoo.

[D]

Kakapo.

[A]

Okay, keep going.

[C]

Oh, God.

[D]

What is takahe.

[B]

You know, I'm gonna.

[A]

I don't. I don't.

[D]

The kereru.

[A]

These have got to be types of, like, birds.

[B]

Like birds in Japan.

[D]

Victoria. Crowned pigeon.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Birds.

[A]

Favorite domestic birds.

[B]

Not in America.

[D]

Ptarmigan.

[B]

Birds that fly over the ocean.

[D]

You're on the right track.

[A]

I am just in general, like, birds that perch.

[B]

Birds that mate with one other bird.

[D]

Oh. Oh, that's clever. No, it's just very. My top five, like, very round birds.

[A]

Oh, are they very round?

[B]

So big, big, little round?

[A]

Round.

[B]

See, I like, went to a very smart place.

[D]

Yeah, I. I know the. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that here.

[B]

What?

[D]

I'm not here to, like, flex and be like. I know this thing about all these birds.

[B]

Oh, I am.

[A]

Do you have a. Do you have a favorite bird?

[D]

If you even have to think about it.

[A]

I don't know how we can talk anymore.

[B]

I like a heron a lot.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Okay. I also love a cardinal.

[A]

Nice solid choices.

[B]

I'm a hummingbird, bitch. You know, I love that. You know, I'm gonna be 95, staring at my hummingbird feeder, waiting for the next one to get there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna have a hat with a hummingbird feeder right here, and I'm just gonna sit outside.

[A]

That's a heavy hat.

[D]

I saw. I saw some earrings the other day that were like. It was a hummingbird and with, like, a little clasp. And so it's just like. It's drinking out of your earlobe. I didn't get it because that's kind of gross, but it's cool.

[B]

My. My vava is like, that's her favorite bird is hummingbirds. So for my wedding, I got these humm. Bird earrings. I genuinely love hummingbirds.

[A]

I love hummingbirds too. They are such to each other.

[B]

They. Yeah, they fight.

[A]

I have a hummingbird feeder on one of my windows right now. And every now and then, a hummingbird will, like, fly up and get closer. Like. Yeah, yeah, like it close. And then you'll watch it. And like, two seconds go by, and he's trying to get up there to, like, get some. Some sugar. And then immediately another hummingbird will appear in the district. It's like.

[B]

And it's like, oh, fuck.

[A]

Runs. And they start chasing each other. I'm like, damn. They don't give each other a break.

[D]

I told you not to come to 25th and Broadway.

[A]

I told you if I saw you here again, I'd kill you.

[B]

They're so intense.

[D]

I like. I saw one, like, it kept running into my window, and I had to, like, figure out how to get it to stop. And apparently it was seeing its reflection and trying to fight it, so I had to, like, turn off the lights inside. But also, the other day, I don't know, like, a year ago, it wasn't the other day. I'm sorry for lying. I saw a hummingbird outside, and then when it flew away, day, it flew all the way to the tippy top of a massive tree. And I was like, obviously they fly. And I guess that makes sense. But I've never thought about them being higher than, like, yay tall, probably where their nest.

[B]

Their bird's nest is.

[D]

Yeah, I don't know, because I've seen bird's nests, like, also yay tall. Just around. But, like, watching it go that far up to a tree. Holy.

[A]

Like, it is something you don't think about hummingbirds going high up in the air.

[D]

No. What's for them?

[A]

I wonder what's their max altitude?

[B]

Dude, I think they go pretty crazy because they also get to a point where they stop going after the bird feeders and they start like eating bugs in the air so that they can get protein and then like cross the ocean.

[D]

Oh, because it's like bulking season.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. My mom knows a lot. Apparently there are some hummingbirds that can go 17,000ft.

[A]

17,000ft.

[B]

Bad ass.

[D]

That's crazy. And they're gonna dive bomb one flower.

[B]

Bad ass. Yes.

[A]

That's crazy.

[D]

That's. Hey, sometimes when you think you know that all there is to know about hummingbirds, sometimes there's even more.

[A]

Okay, I have.

[B]

I want to end on one of mine, but you go. I think it'll be funny for you.

[A]

I have a dumb 1, 2, 1, 3.

[B]

So you have to do whatever.

[A]

You're not going to get it off. You're not going to. I know, but it's is just 213. 213.

[B]

Your Social Security number.

[A]

Yeah. No, I'm just kidding.

[D]

Top five or top three amounts of popcorn? When you're grabbing popcorn out of a bowl.

[A]

Oh, what, only two?

[D]

I don't know. Maybe.

[B]

No, he's a hungry boy. He grabs like 17.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cookies before bed.

[D]

Yeah. The amount of ore. How many cookies before bed?

[B]

Bowls of cereal before bed?

[D]

2.

[B]

I know you're eating massive bowls of cere.

[A]

I just talked about eating ice cream.

[B]

You can do whatever you want over the sink.

[D]

Eating ice cream. You'll have a serious cocktail.

[B]

Cocktails.

[A]

How many cocktails?

[B]

Cocktails on the weekend.

[A]

That's. That's pretty nice.

[D]

Top five prime numbers.

[A]

What? Okay, one's not a prime number.

[B]

Okay, move on.

[D]

What is the category?

[B]

My God.

[A]

It's typically the best in trilogies. Two is always the best in a trilogy. Followed by one, followed by three. Three always kind of sucks.

[B]

You're so right. Two is always the best for trying to make kids. Two is ticket High School Musical and

[D]

I agree return to the game.

[A]

But Two Towers is probably the best in Lord of the Rings.

[B]

I do love Two Towers.

[A]

Empire Strikes Back is the best in the original Star Wars. Like it just typically now that's not the case for the prequels of Star Wars.

[D]

Shrek.

[A]

Shrek two.

[B]

Shrek two is so good.

[A]

Just in general. Two kind of always two the number one.

[B]

I like that.

[D]

March two.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Damn. I have so. Okay, that's funny.

[A]

Top responses to something that Isn't funny.

[D]

Top five worst things to hear after you say a joke. Oh.

[B]

Oh, God. I don't know what that is. Not that fart again.

[D]

Top five things you don't want to hear your doctor say. This is.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Tight butt.

[A]

Is this when responses when your son farts?

[B]

No. It's adorable. Winning fart hearts.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't ever go tight butt.

[A]

I don't know. Just like. I don't know. This is you right now.

[B]

Okay, last one. Aquaphor in every pocket.

[D]

Things you've said to Shane, you said to me on this podcast.

[B]

Things I'm thinking when Shane talks.

[A]

You said these all out loud.

[D]

Well, because, yes, Shane is all aquaphor and like, every jeans. Right? That's lore now.

[B]

I just discovered that it was on

[D]

the episode that just came.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Boom.

[B]

Wow. When Miles went, is it the tube or the tub?

[A]

And I got both. But this one happens to be tube.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

That's not tub.

[A]

Not tub. I don't ever have a tub.

[B]

We can end on that one. Even though I have so many. But we can do.

[A]

We'll save those for next time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pretty cool.

[D]

This was the most fun I've ever had.

[A]

I'm so glad.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[D]

Top five, top five times I've had fun. The number one. This.

[B]

Number one this. Wow.

[A]

Definitely top. You know, up there. Anyway.

[D]

Yeah, it's pretty good, you guys.

[B]

That image, that's a core memory. Damien, we love you. Thank you so much for being on the new set. We missed you. And thanks for sharing your top fives.

[D]

Hey, my absolute pleasure. Yeah, Shane, where can people find you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Chocolate ice cream eating boy on YouTube. Chocolate ice cream villain eating boy.

[A]

That's going to be my new YouTube channel where I just eat chocolate ice cream. I don't. And here I go again.

[D]

So this is the chocolate crying.

[B]

Yeah, here I go again. This is the dark, dark chocolate villain one.

[A]

Okay, bye, everybody.