#150 - The East Coast Episode w/ The Basement Yard

Summary

Smosh Mouth #150: The East Coast Episode w/ The Basement Yard

Date: June 29, 2026
Guests: Frank & Joe from The Basement Yard
Hosts: Shayne Topp & Amanda Lehan-Canto

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Overview

In this vibrant, free-wheeling episode, Smosh’s Shayne and Amanda welcome Frank and Joe from the wildly popular podcast The Basement Yard for a true East Coast–meets–West Coast hangout. The group dives into differences between their upbringings, shares tales of pranks and family, pokes fun at one another, reminisces about their childhoods, and explores what makes East Coast energy so distinctive. Lively banter is the backbone here, with plenty of nostalgia, vulnerability, and ridiculousness, including confessions about smells, pranks, and growing up—and a lot of laughter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. East Coast Identity & Home Towns

• Boston & Philly “Trash Talk”

  • The group jokes about East Coast pride and the compulsion to talk trash about rival cities, like Boston and Philly.
  • Joe: “Are East Coasters love to, like, boast. And on other places, like ... it’s not a calm conversation.” [01:41]
  • Amanda tries to defend Boston’s sports teams; Joe sharply disagrees.

• Accents & Family Visits

  • Amanda mentions her dad’s strong Boston accent and the dynamic of visiting home twice a year.
  • The discussion branches into family backgrounds, separated/divorced parents, and distant relatives.

2. East Coast Family Dynamics: Divorce, Death & Dark Humor

• A long riff about whose relatives are deadest/dead, who’s most divorced, and the resulting family energy.
• Frank: “They’re so dead.” [04:54]
• Joe: "100% of people that get divorced had gotten married." [05:24]

3. Developing Chemistry—Friendship, Comfort, & Riffing

• Exploring how The Basement Yard’s hosts know when it’s okay to riff and roast new people, and how that ethos matches at Smosh.
• Playful hazing, calling out each other’s roles (“whimsical one,” “mean one”), and the blurred lines between affection and bullying.
• Joe: “It’s like an unspoken thing. Like, it kind of just clicks at a certain point.” [06:48]
• Discussion of fans not always understanding the humor is loving, not hostile.

4. Growing Up: Pranks, Bad Smells, and Childhood Mayhem

• Discussion on favorite childhood pranks (fart bags, stink bombs, horse poop), and nostalgia for gross smells.

• Frank: “Horseshit is fantastic.” [11:24]

• Amanda: “My mom made me ride horses, so... horse.” [11:44]

• Banter about Massachusetts-specific childhood chaos; Amanda reveals she was the neighborhood “horse girl.” [11:44–12:05]

• Basement & Apartment Smells

  • Joe loves the smell of a mildew-y basement, Frank prefers lived-in, empty apartment smells.
  • Amanda: “I sometimes picture you in an apartment by yourself just... on a wall.” [17:27]

5. Wild High School & Neighborhood Stories: Jackass Era

• Frank & Joe share “Jackass”-era stunts: pranking each other, guillotining balls in a dresser, jumping into snow on cars, etc.
• Frank: “What if I put my balls in there?” (regarding a dresser drawer) [19:40]
• Shayne: “How many stories do you have that your balls in a guillotine is one that you’re bored of?” [20:07]
• Neighborhood dynamics: walking to school alone in the city at a young age, parents less “hover-y” than modern ones.

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6. Skiing, Childhood Freedom, and Church Talk

• Amanda’s family forced her into skiing at Ragged Mountain (“It’s ragged!”), while the NY guys didn’t grow up with outdoor sports.
• Manhunt games in neighborhoods; priest encounters and church grounds as de facto playgrounds.
• Catholic/Greek Orthodox upbringings compared, funny church names ("Immaculate Conception," "Most Precious Blood")
• Frank: “The Del Taco of churches.” [43:42]

7. Sex Ed, Parenting Taboos, & Early Internet Nostalgia

• Reluctant and cryptic sex talks with dads. Frank’s dad: "You could be green, you could be blue, you could be yellow" — actually talking about condom colors.[54:27]

• Contrast between open/closed family discussions about sex.

• First exposure to porn: finding a weathered Playboy in an alley, dialing 1-800-BUTT-SEX from a payphone; “Joy of Sex” book.

• Amanda: “It was like, full 70s, drawn out pictures ...” [71:40]

• Sex Ed Experiences

  • “The penis is just a miracle,” delivered by a strict German teacher. [76:05]
  • Getting kicked out of class for laughing.
  • DARE (anti-drug) program stories and the ineffectiveness of abstinence-only education.

---

8. Performing, Vulnerability, and Success

• The Basement Yard’s climb: Frank & Joe reflect on performing at MSG, feeling imposter syndrome, and the emotional impact.
• Frank: "Seeing photos afterwards puts the scale into perspective—like, holy shit.” [42:23]
• Intimate discussion about giving and receiving compliments, the awkwardness but also necessity of expressing appreciation.
• Joe: “I feel the need to just be like, dude, you’ve made my dreams come true...” [37:42]

9. Audience, Comfort, and Nostalgia

• The value of Smosh and The Basement Yard as comfort creators and internet friends to their fans.
• Amanda: “Our fans say, ‘You’re someone that is, like, comforting to me. I go to you to feel connected.’” [45:13]

10. Food & Adult Life: Breakfast Debates & Beyond

• Debate on the ranking of French toast, pancakes, and waffles.
• Mixed rankings; pancakes vs. waffles is a heated showdown.
• Discussion on eating wings (flats vs. drumsticks), dreams of wearing chain mail at a Renaissance fair, and wanting to stage increasingly unhinged live performances.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Boston vs. Philly:
  Joe: “The streets were made to be like urinals.” [02:04]
• On Playful Banter:
  Shane: “Sometimes our fans don’t get a read on it ... and it’s like they’re being really mean to Angela right now.” [07:18]
• On Nostalgia & Smells:
  Joe: “We grew up in the generation where farts were pranks. Now you smell a fart in the hall, they lock the doors down.” [10:16]
• On Being a Child of DARE:
  “We were prime children of the DARE program.” [65:18]
• On Early Sex Ed:
  “The penis is just a miracle.” [76:05]
• On Family:
  Joe: “She would just grab me ... and then it would immediately be a hug and then ‘You’re getting older’—like hitting me or something.” [50:03]
• On Live Show Aftermath:
  Frank: “It feels different maybe because you’re behind the curtain ... then it looks like a show, so it just feels ... hard to feel the magnitude until you see the photos.” [42:41]
• On Smosh as Comfort:
  Amanda: “You’re someone that is, like, comforting to me ... I go to you to feel connected.” [45:13]
• On Internet Discovery:
  Shane: “I’d go to friends’ houses, they’d be like, ‘Dude, I found a photo of a vagina.’” [69:38]
• On Pancake Hierarchy:
  Joe: “Pancakes are so easy to mess up ... so dry.” [79:49]

---

Highlighted Sections with Timestamps

• [03:01] — Boston/Philly/East Coast riffing
• [06:16] — On-the-fly comedy chemistry, roasting etiquette
• [09:23] — Prank culture, 90s teen “bully” stories (fart bags, stink bombs)
• [19:40] — “Guillotine balls in a dresser”—the wildest prank the Basement Yard guys ever did
• [28:05] — Childhood freedom: morning to night at the park, no parents around
• [41:43] — Emotional aftermath of headlining major venues
• [49:14] — Wild East Coast mothers: crying, swearing, and love
• [54:26] — Cryptic, awkward sex talks with parents
• [70:08] — Finding abandoned Playboy magazine—“communal” alley viewing experience
• [76:05] — Sex ed: “The penis is just a miracle” (and getting kicked out for laughing)
• [79:04] — Ultimate breakfast food debate: French toast, pancakes, waffles
• [81:09] — Flats vs drums (wings discussion), ren fair dreams, the joy of chain-mail
• [84:20] — Cross-podcast appreciation and plans for future mayhem

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Episode Tone & Flow

The episode maintains The Basement Yard and Smosh’s signature high-energy, affectionate chaos, seamlessly bouncing from irreverent childhood stories to vulnerability about success and family. There’s a natural ebb and flow—playful jabs give way to honest discussions about feeling grateful-yet-inadequate, and nostalgia is always just around the corner. Listeners get everything from debates on breakfast foods to confessions about the discomfort of compliments, filled with characteristically outrageous humor.

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Summary for New Listeners

If you’ve never heard Smosh Mouth or The Basement Yard, this episode is the perfect primer on their comedic chemistry, their shared values of heartfelt goofiness, and their openness about the oddities of growing up on the East Coast (and what it’s like looking back). You’ll leave feeling like you’ve eavesdropped on a hilarious, occasionally touching, and always unpredictable friends’ hangout, complete with wild pranks, sensitive insights, and more than a few jokes about balls.

Transcript

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[Amica Insurance Announcer]

Hi.

[Shane]

Welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane.

[Amanda]

And I'm Amanda. And we have two very special guests with us today. We have Frank and Joe from the basement yard.

[Shane]

That's right.

[Frank]

Thanks for having us.

[Amanda]

So excited to have you guys here because it's the east coast episode, not you.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Joe]

You get. Yeah.

[Frank]

The east coast of Arizona.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Joe]

I don't even think that's right.

[Amanda]

Probably.

[Shane]

Yeah. Probably not. Phoenix, I think is square in the middle. Yeah.

[Amanda]

And you guys said that Boston was your favorite place.

[Joe]

No, that place sucks.

[Amanda]

That's what you guys said.

[Shane]

You guys have been talking all morning already.

[Frank]

I haven't, no.

[Amanda]

Frank's been crazy.

[Frank]

I mean, I. I mean.

[Joe]

Well, first of all, if you just. You just need to ask him about.

[Shane]

Watch the clips.

[Joe]

Are East Coasters love to, like, boast. And on other places, like, a lot of, like, if it's just like, this place or that place, it's not a com. Like, it's not a calm conversation.

[Amanda]

No.

[Joe]

If you ask him about Philly, he'll go off about Philly. But, like, I don't know. I won't.

[Frank]

I don't see it. Ask me about it.

[Amanda]

Do you like Philly?

[Shane]

It's a bathroom.

[Joe]

I think that's true. I think, like, the streets were made to be like urinals.

[Amanda]

I don't think I've ever been to Philly.

[Shane]

I've never been.

[Frank]

I can see the light in your eyes.

[Amanda]

Still my soul is here.

[Joe]

Jokes aside, Boston as a place, I'm. Whatever the people.

[Shane]

That was the good part of this episode. All jokes aside, pretty bad.

[Amanda]

I thought a compliment was coming. I said something.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

Me, too.

[Joe]

No, Boston is a place okay.

[Amanda]

You don't have to do it again.

[Joe]

The people have been very kind to us. The sports teams, though, don't.

[Shane]

Yeah, I agree with that.

[Joe]

No, absolutely.

[Amanda]

What?

[Shane]

Yeah, of course I agree.

[Amanda]

The Red Sox are incredible.

[Joe]

They are. Dog water.

[Shane]

Yeah. I don't follow.

[Amanda]

Is delicious.

[Shane]

I don't follow baseball, but.

[Frank]

What was that?

[Amanda]

No, that's me defending any way that I can. Dog water is yummy.

[Shane]

What?

[Amanda]

I don't continue the conversation.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Frank]

I was going to say that I think that Boston, like, being in the city is like. It's a cool city. Yeah. I don't like the teams. No.

[Shane]

Yeah. I don't like the.

[Amanda]

That's fine.

[Frank]

I love the accent. I think it's the funniest.

[Shane]

It is.

[Frank]

I've heard.

[Shane]

Very funny accent.

[Amanda]

You know what's weird is, like, I don't really have a big.

[Joe]

So you're like, my dad.

[Amanda]

Don't. You're gonna get.

[Frank]

Earlier, she was like, oh, yeah. I go back all the time. I'm like, how often? She's like, twice a year.

[Shane]

I'm like, that's not all.

[Joe]

That's a good amount. To travel all the way across the country.

[Amanda]

Joe, that is a lot.

[Shane]

What to you counts as a lot?

[Frank]

Four times. Okay. Every Christmas, I feel like four times. At least once a quarter.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Joe]

That doesn't help your argument. If it's just for, like, Christmas, it's like.

[Amanda]

No, I know, I know. I know.

[Shane]

You would go back more if you could.

[Amanda]

If I could, yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And my. My dad has a very thick accent.

[Frank]

Does he?

[Amanda]

Yes, it's very thick. Amanda. You know, there's. There's so many things going on, and so Netflix is a crazy place. So. So Pam and I finished Netflix. We finished it. I'm like, what does that mean?

[Frank]

Is that your mom's name?

[Amanda]

No.

[Frank]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Amanda]

That's my dad's wife.

[Joe]

Oh, you're.

[Shane]

You're.

[Joe]

You're a former child.

[Amanda]

I'm a divorced child, dog. You, too?

[Joe]

All three of us.

[Frank]

Your parents love each other.

[Joe]

Your parents love each other. And you're from Arizona.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Fuck you.

[Joe]

Fuck you.

[Shane]

I like being from Arizona. Is like, man, you lucky son of a bitch. In Arizona, you're being shamed for your

[Frank]

parents figuring out this.

[Joe]

How about this? How. Where are your grandparents?

[Shane]

Well, basically, one set of grandparents are dead. The ones that were in Colorado and then my grandparents were in Tampa. Are both still alive. My grandpa's 91 or 92.

[Frank]

It's getting crazy now.

[Joe]

You said basically. But.

[Amanda]

So my grandmother is. She's like 80s. My bubba's like 80s.

[Frank]

My grandma. 2012 is when she died.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And they were all dead before that.

[Joe]

Yeah. I'm a former grandchild, right?

[Frank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

They've been gone. Yeah, they've been gone for a while.

[Frank]

They're so dead.

[Amanda]

They're so divorce.

[Shane]

Super dead.

[Joe]

Great question.

[Amanda]

Or did the divorce.

[Joe]

I mean, you know, the. The. They. They.

[Amanda]

Both.

[Joe]

Not both, but my grandmother's, you know, she had died years prior because she had, like, dementia, so she was gone for a while.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

No.

[Frank]

Your grandma died after your parents got divorced.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Joe]

I mean, the divorce, it started when they got married. If you think about it, it's all downhill from.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

You know what I'm saying, man?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Did you hear. Did you hear the leading cause of, like, it's like a new thing. A leading cause of divorce in the country is married? 100% of people close. 100% of people that get divorced had gotten married.

[Amanda]

Wait, what the fuck?

[Frank]

I know.

[Amanda]

Divorce.

[Frank]

Say it.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

So people get divorced because they got

[Joe]

married, not because, but.

[Amanda]

Shut up, Joe. Don't start. What. What are you talking about?

[Shane]

Can I. Can I say. Sorry, change subject slightly?

[Amanda]

No. Fine.

[Shane]

But, like, I had watched your guys podcast before, and we did a recording of Reddit stories yesterday, and within literally two minutes of start, I was like. I was like, oh, man, I'm such a fan. Like, they do this thing. I wonder if they're going to do, like, their thing, you know, when they're here. You said something and immediately you did the like. And I literally. I paused for a second. I was like, wow, they're. They're. They're hopping, right?

[Frank]

How we are.

[Shane]

Yeah. It's just literally, you are doing this off camera too. It's non stop.

[Joe]

It really is, 100% of the time.

[Amanda]

When do you know that the, like, when you first meet a person that you could also be like that with them?

[Joe]

Ooh, that's a good question.

[Amanda]

We just met today.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And I feel very comfortable.

[Joe]

I think you, like, immediately sat down and I told you my family and I were going to Turks and Caicos. And you were like, I would bone Turks and Ca. I said, yeah, yeah, okay.

[Amanda]

I said, I don't.

[Frank]

She said, yeah, whatever. I was like, let me stop.

[Joe]

Yeah, but I think, you know, you can just get a vibe from the person, like, and it just click. And it's like an un. It's an unspoken thing. Like, it kind of just clicks at a certain point.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Frank]

There's also, like, a line you can toe with people when you first meet them, where it's like, it's not that you're being rude, it's because you.

[Amanda]

You're.

[Frank]

But it's like a loving sort of joking with someone. That's not. Like, if you meet someone who's overly polite, you're like, okay, I don't know if I could do the riffing thing with this person. It's like, I don't know yet. But when there is that, like, I can make a dig at you type of thing. Like, that would make you super.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's a comfortability. Yeah, it's a. It's a vulnerability. I feel like we do that a lot at Smosh, and sometimes our fans don't. Don't get a read on it. And so they'll be like, they're being really mean to Angela right now. And it's like that happened.

[Joe]

That happened to us.

[Shane]

Really?

[Frank]

Yeah, because our producer. And once we put him on the thing, they were like, yo, they're so fucked up to him.

[Amanda]

Oh, it's so.

[Joe]

I'm like, fuck this kid.

[Frank]

First of all, he's an asshole.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

It's so funny.

[Amanda]

It's so funny, the three of you guys. Your relationship. It's so funny. Like, you rag on him and it's so.

[Joe]

But, like, I. He's the worst of us.

[Frank]

He bullies up.

[Amanda]

Yeah, he does bully you guys.

[Joe]

I called him because I felt bad because, you know, the last thing I want is, like, to him to actually think that, like, it's real. And he's like, I actually, like. I take it as like you're inviting me in, you know, like, to, like, the. The hangout and stuff like that.

[Amanda]

So I was like, all right.

[Joe]

Yeah, that's right. You.

[Frank]

Yeah, okay.

[Shane]

And then you hung up.

[Amanda]

He.

[Joe]

He reels me back, though, Joey. Reels me back because I could get a little. I sometimes. I don't know where the line is.

[Amanda]

Are you meaner than Joey?

[Frank]

Oh, my God.

[Joe]

I don't know if meaner is.

[Shane]

My interpretation from watching you guys is that, unfortunately, I feel like you're the.

[Frank]

Yeah, but that's the.

[Amanda]

That's the.

[Frank]

That's the thing that happens because it's like, oh, Frank's this whimsy guy, and then I have to reel him in all the time. Just bullshit.

[Shane]

No, I feel like that's. I feel like Amanda and I's thing, but I think it's just like, I'm the one who. I make fun of you more than you make fun of me.

[Amanda]

So am I whimsical oh, no.

[Shane]

You make fun of me a lot, too.

[Frank]

Am I whimsical?

[Amanda]

Am I the whimsy one?

[Shane]

You're definitely whimsical.

[Joe]

Yeah, definitely. There's the I'm sensing whimsy in the room. General whimsical.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Because from your clips, it does feel like you're like, I. I did this thing today. And Joe's like, oh, let's hear it. I don't care what's happening.

[Shane]

I don't give a fuck.

[Amanda]

But meeting you guys, it's kind of different. Like, you are so mean to Joe. It's

[Shane]

kidding.

[Guest or Additional Announcer]

I'm kidding.

[Joe]

No way.

[Shane]

No, I'm kidding.

[Joe]

I think it's just like, the. The, like, playful banter. Like, we know kind of like, what story is coming. So, like, we know. Like, yeah.

[Frank]

Oh, here we go.

[Joe]

You know, and it's not like neither of us are me. I would never say that either of us are mean, but, like, it's definitely like, I will commit to a bit, to the point where it's just like, yeah, reel back a little bit.

[Frank]

He also loves pranks. He's like a 90s teen bully in a way, like.

[Shane]

Yeah, because you were telling me about fart bags.

[Joe]

Yeah. Did you have fart bags?

[Amanda]

So I didn't have fart bags. We had, like, fart, like, stink things that we would do in the hallway. You know, what was the container? And I wish I never do this.

[Frank]

Like, things stink out of butt.

[Shane]

We were taking.

[Joe]

No, they were the. They were the little, like, foil, like, packs, and you would pop something in it and it would explode, and it just smelled like a dumpster.

[Shane]

I.

[Amanda]

No, I didn't have that. We had, like, literally, like, a little smoke bomb, and it was farts, and you'd put it in the hallway.

[Frank]

It was.

[Joe]

See what goes on in Massachusetts.

[Shane]

Crazy.

[Amanda]

Massachusetts is crazy.

[Joe]

Yeah, they were.

[Shane]

Yeah, it sounds like it.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Everything. But you'll mention things about Massachusetts, and then I'll see comments. Being like, I'm from Massachusetts and I've never heard of this before.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Maybe it's just.

[Joe]

I mean, it's also, like, different generation. Like, we all grew up in the generation where, like, stuff like that was, like, farts were pranks. Now they're like, you smell the fart in the hallway. I imagine they're just like, lock the doors down. Something is going on. There's a gas.

[Shane]

They're more serious all the time.

[Amanda]

What's, like, the worst prank that you've pulled on Joe?

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

Ooh.

[Amanda]

Do you pull any pranks on Joe? Or is it just like, you do pranks to.

[Frank]

He just does, like, your. Your wife. No, like, he just. He did the fart bag thing to me. Yeah. Like, we were recording a show, and this. At this point, I was. I had to set up in my apartment. So he threw a fart bag in my apartment, and he just hit it, and he's, like, throwing us. Now we're throwing it back and forth because it takes time to like. So we're throwing it back and forth, and then it got knocked off the table. I broke, like, a mug or something, and then it went off, and my whole apartment smell like shit.

[Shane]

For how long?

[Joe]

A couple of minutes. It wasn't that bad.

[Amanda]

Oh, just a couple minutes.

[Joe]

It was a couple minutes.

[Amanda]

Oh, that's not that bad.

[Frank]

It's not a couple of minutes.

[Joe]

It was. It was also, like, a nostalgic smell. Like, it didn't smell.

[Frank]

Oh, did you enjoy.

[Joe]

You're like, no. But also, like, I remember that stink.

[Frank]

I mean, I didn't enjoy it.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

No part of me smells that. I mean, we'll get into this because I know how you feel, but, like, no part of me smells that smell and goes like, what the hell? This brings me back. But I will tell you what. I don't know how you guys feel about this. Me and Frank love it. Horseshit is a. I love horseshit. Horseshit is fantastic.

[Amanda]

I couldn't agree. I, like, grew up down the street from a farm. My mom made me ride horses, so. Horse.

[Joe]

You strike me as a horse girl. Yeah, you do.

[Amanda]

Don't even. There's fan art of me, and it is horrific.

[Frank]

I could see you in one of those helmets. Could see you in a helmet and

[Shane]

the tall boots with the whip, smiling, like, equestrian.

[Amanda]

Hey, I'm down.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

No, but, like, fan art. Me as a horse in my normal clothes.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

They love me out there.

[Shane]

As a force.

[Frank]

They love me out there.

[Shane]

Horseshit is definitely like. I. I understand what you're saying, because it's reminiscent of a lot of different.

[Joe]

It brings you back, you know?

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't love it, though.

[Frank]

But, like, here's like, a. A thing that I don't. I don't know how if anyone's on my team, but remember in Jurassic park where there's just like, a big pile.

[Amanda]

Yes. And then. Yes.

[Frank]

And I'm like, all right. Part of me wants to put my hand in that shit.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

In a big pile of dinosaur.

[Joe]

We also grew up like. Like, we hung out and played, like, manhunt. In like streets and alleyways. So like we, we, it smelled like. Well, we did, we did do that, but like it also smelled like piss. And, and like where we play little league baseball was right next to the bay and like, so like it, like bad smells were just kind of a part of our childhood.

[Amanda]

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

[Frank]

Our lives were, we lived in, we lived in squalor.

[Joe]

So like there's a, like I'll like, you know, you pass the bay and you'll just be like, ew.

[Amanda]

You're like ew. I like ew.

[Shane]

Ew.

[Frank]

That stinks. Right? Yeah, exactly.

[Shane]

I'm home. This episode of Square Smash Mouth is sponsored by Casper. Summer is getting toasty.

[Amanda]

It's so warm out.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

I hate sweating.

[Shane]

It's the absolute worst. Especially when it's a warm night.

[Amanda]

I don't want to sleep in sweat.

[Shane]

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[Amanda]

Okay, it sounds like your mattress will stand the test of time.

[Shane]

You bet. And Casper has their 100 night risk free trial. So you can give Casper's mattress a try risk free. Although with 110,000 plus 5 star reviews, I'm sure you're going to love it like I do.

[Amanda]

No, it's true. I love my Casper mattress. It's like the perfect combination of soft but flavor firm. I just want to sleep in it all day long, but I can't because I'm here right now.

[Shane]

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[Amanda]

Let's do it. I also really like the smell, I don't know why. Of gasoline.

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[Frank]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Shane]

That's a thing.

[Frank]

I'm quirky. I like gasoline.

[Amanda]

Why is that?

[Shane]

I don't actually know why that is.

[Amanda]

Family trips when you're, like, sleeping in the van and you wake up and you're like, oh, we're at the gas station.

[Joe]

That makes sense.

[Frank]

I mean, I like it in a way that I would probably think about drinking it.

[Shane]

I, I. Yeah, okay.

[Amanda]

Well, that's.

[Shane]

There's that. There was a commercial when I was a kid where Homer is, like, filling up his gas and then, like, taking. He's like, some for you, some for me. Some for you, some for me. And I was like, that looks amazing.

[Frank]

It does.

[Shane]

Kind of want to do that.

[Amanda]

I don't want that.

[Joe]

You know what I love? Basement smell. You know what I'm talking about?

[Shane]

Basement yard.

[Frank]

I mean, you're kind of a dirty bastard.

[Joe]

Yes. Like. Like a mildewy basement. It smells good. We don't.

[Shane]

We just hardly have basements. I never. I didn't grow up with basements.

[Joe]

Oh, basements.

[Amanda]

Goddamn month.

[Joe]

I swear to God, it was so fun because it was like, controlled chaos down there. And, and just the smell of just, like, you know, it's a little mildewy, it's a little wet, but it's also just like the dirt.

[Amanda]

Yeah. There's one room that someone stays sometimes,

[Joe]

you know, like cousin Ryan stays in the back room. And, you know, it smells like that.

[Frank]

That's your actual cousin.

[Amanda]

That's crazy.

[Frank]

I don't like the smell of a mildew basement.

[Joe]

Oh, it's good. It's a good.

[Frank]

You know what I kind of like, though? Like a. Like an empty apartment smell.

[Shane]

Like new. Like, like new apartment.

[Frank]

No, no, I'm talking about, like, empty apartment lived in. Like, you're. You're looking for a new apartment, you're going visiting apartments, and they're empty, but they're not brand new.

[Amanda]

They're not brand new, but they're empty.

[Frank]

But you're like, it smells like nothing in here.

[Shane]

I.

[Amanda]

You know what I mean?

[Frank]

It's like, it just smells like it like, so no one has cracked the window on a bit.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

Oh.

[Joe]

Oh. Just like stale.

[Amanda]

So people.

[Joe]

It's like a roof. Yeah.

[Shane]

Like a swamp air.

[Joe]

Kind of like a stale.

[Frank]

It's not.

[Amanda]

No, it's kind of.

[Shane]

But it's. But it's because it's stagnant. Stagnant air.

[Frank]

It's got, like, the wood in it.

[Shane]

Yeah, I get that.

[Joe]

I get what you're saying. Yeah.

[Frank]

I'm just like a wall, like, smelling a wall.

[Joe]

Smells are great. I love smells. Just general smells.

[Amanda]

I sometimes picture you in an apartment by yourself.

[Frank]

Just like, I'm not above on a wall. I'm not above that.

[Shane]

Yeah. You're like. You're like, oh, here's the new apartment. Do you want to check it out? It's like, I'm good.

[Joe]

They'll be like, did you see everything? He'd be like, do you mind if I go check out the bedroom one more time by myself without you listening?

[Frank]

Just let it rip.

[Joe]

Yeah. Just in there. Just like.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

I'm kind of.

[Shane]

I'm on all fours on the ground,

[Amanda]

Just letting it rip.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

I do.

[Frank]

Oh, you guys want to hear a fun. Dude, this is so funny. I don't know if we've ever told the story before. My grandma was moving out of her apartment, and so my dad. My dad is like a typical dad, and he's like, you'd get all your friends and helping us to move the apartment. Because he's never hired anyone when he has children. He said, why do I have to hire people? I have. Why did I have you?

[Amanda]

His workers are there.

[Shane]

Exactly.

[Joe]

Built in help.

[Frank]

Yeah. And then if you're a friend, it's like, well, then what do you have to do? Exactly.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So we were moving all my grandma's stuff out, and I do remember as it pertains to this conversation, like, before, like, I was the last one to leave. So I was like, in there and it was empty. And I was like, I fucking love this. Like my old ass. Grandma's walls smell good. You know what I mean? But before we got all of the

[Amanda]

furniture out, let him cook in this. No, careful, careful.

[Shane]

I'm picturing the Will Smith in the room alone.

[Joe]

Exactly. The end of Fresh Prince.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Joe]

I know where this is going. And I'm just gonna sit here and

[Shane]

you're in your grandma's house. It's completely empty at this point.

[Frank]

It's not empty yet. Like, there's like a couple pieces, so. Yeah, right.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And my dad's in the car in a van like, waiting for me and him.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So we had to take apart this dresser. And when you take apart a dresser, you're like, I can't take the whole dresser down. I gotta take each thing out each drawer. Each drawer.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Joe]

I can't believe you're telling this story.

[Frank]

But the drawer, the bottom of it.

[Joe]

I do.

[Shane]

He knows. He was there.

[Frank]

The bottom of the drawer was like particle board or something.

[Joe]

It's like where you have to like slide it in and like, lock it on the back.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Do you have a guess what I'm about to say? Because you maybe don't think so. If you do have a guess, what's

[Amanda]

written on the board? Or is there something hidden in there?

[Frank]

Oh, no, no, no. This is so much worse than that.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Frank]

I don't know that you would ever guess this. And if you did, that's a problem for you.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Frank]

So what we decided would be fun because you're young and idiots.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Is like, I'm holding this thing up and I'm dropping it. I'm like, yo, this is kind of like a guillotine. And Frank's like, what if I put my balls in there?

[Amanda]

Oh, why would I guess this?

[Shane]

Why would I ever guess that?

[Amanda]

Why would I.

[Shane]

Everything, dude.

[Amanda]

Why? This is why you're like, don't tell this story.

[Joe]

I mean, I don't care. You know, we've told enough stories on. Why would you guys.

[Amanda]

Why would you want your balls

[Shane]

execution? How many stories do you have that your balls in a guillotine is one that you born? 91.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Frank]

You.

[Joe]

And you were in prime, like hanging with 92. You were in prime, like hanging out with your friends and balls were around age. Don't sit there and pretend like balls were around. It was like we. Yeah, it was just like a thing. And like, it was always like, oh, like prank. Like, haha. Look, it's a picture of his nuts or something like that.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Joe]

You know, we also grew up different place.

[Shane]

Like, like, I was in Arizona, it was too hot to get your balls out.

[Joe]

We also grew.

[Shane]

I understand.

[Joe]

We grew up in the. Of like, you know, jack up in the toe.

[Shane]

No, that's. I get what you're saying there. No, my brother told me. He's like. He's like, oh, my friends and I play this game where we just try to see who can hurt themselves the most.

[Joe]

Well, most of.

[Shane]

So it's just like what they like, exercise ball penis.

[Joe]

Play his mom in like 2004, 2005. Got him a camera and we started making Videos together and we called them cuz we lived near the park. By us was 48th Street. So we called him the 48th Street Files. And most of those videos were just like jackass stunts. Like him kicking me or like someone punching me in the face or like

[Frank]

we did one that was like our most famous one. Famous meaning we showed our friends a family and everyone liked it.

[Amanda]

Yeah, family too.

[Frank]

We took.

[Joe]

We made them sit through and we were like, what do you think?

[Frank]

Yeah. So what do you think of Frank's balls getting guillotined? We took my mom's garbage can and put it over Frank's head. And then my brother ran and drop kicked him in the face with both feet.

[Amanda]

Holy.

[Frank]

In my front yard? Yeah.

[Shane]

That's awesome.

[Amanda]

Why did you need the garbage top on your head?

[Joe]

So I didn't get kicked directly in the face. I had this and by the way you guessed it, a regular New York City garbage can. Not like cleaned or newly purchased.

[Shane]

Sure, sure. A rat inside of me.

[Joe]

Like, I actively remember being in there and seeing like white jelly. And I was like, jelly, is it white?

[Shane]

And then getting white jelly.

[Amanda]

Didn't I bring up Steve O in the, in the Porter potty? When they flipped him around and he had to be filled with poop, I was like, that was the one.

[Frank]

We never got into poop.

[Shane]

No, we never did.

[Joe]

But like that's. That was like the inception of us making videos. And then like we would do like skits of us, like, you know, stuff like that.

[Frank]

But like an idol and.

[Joe]

Yeah, so much of it was like the Jackass era where like, what was funny? I mean, you remember the TV show on mtv, Scarred?

[Shane]

Yeah. I didn't watch. I could not watch Scar.

[Joe]

It was all that content where it was just like guys doing something, getting hurt and everyone.

[Amanda]

There's a lot of like skate, skateboarders. I don't like the skateboarder videos when they like break their.

[Joe]

Oh, biking is worse. When they like fall forward.

[Frank]

I can't watch like, sports injuries.

[Amanda]

You need their like, feet going the other way.

[Shane]

No, I don't like that stuff.

[Joe]

Yeah, that's bad. Like what? They call it the scorpion. When like they're like ankle, like the like. Yeah, heels.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I can't even watch any videos of like on Instagram. If I see a video of someone like, working out, like, I'm too afraid that they're gonna get hurt. And I can't do press injury.

[Amanda]

I'm like, yeah, no, can't handle that.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

Sure.

[Joe]

Disgusting.

[Amanda]

Okay, so guillotine balls. Let's get back to that.

[Frank]

Yeah,

[Amanda]

I don't have all the information.

[Shane]

You just posed it. You didn't actually film it.

[Frank]

No, no, no, we did it.

[Joe]

We did. But it was filmed on a flip phone at the time. It didn't get shown.

[Shane]

It's really, really.

[Joe]

It was like you could look at it and just be like, what? Exactly.

[Frank]

That was kind of it On a Motorola razor, probably.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

I think I had, like, a red Nokia that was my sister's.

[Joe]

So I was like. It was like, you know, you're young, you're dumb, you're stupid.

[Frank]

Grandma's about to die.

[Amanda]

Yeah, have some fun.

[Joe]

That was probably. That was probably like, she was pumped at the idea that there was, like, balls in her apartment. And who knows when the last time they had been there.

[Amanda]

Yeah,

[Shane]

Go into that.

[Frank]

We can educate a guess.

[Shane]

Yeah, about that.

[Amanda]

Did you guys ever think, like, oh, it'd be so great one day to do Jackass?

[Shane]

I did, because it was like a dream of a lot of people. Not mine.

[Amanda]

I mean, I loved Jackass.

[Joe]

The dynamic that we had, it really was similar where we had a big group of friends and there it was, like, half wanted to kind of just like, be behind the scenes and, like, just like, it would be funny if you did this. And the other half like, all right,

[Frank]

all right, me up.

[Shane]

I'm the director. I tell you how to hurt.

[Joe]

And that was the dynamic that we had where, like, he would be like, I had this idea and I would just be like, yeah, like, I don't care. We did one where we, like, there was like a busy intersection by his house, and I was on crutches because I had hurt my knee during football. And they ran over at a, like, backed up intersection again, kicked him, and my friends kicked the crutches out from under me and beat me up. And, like, people are getting out there.

[Amanda]

Oh, okay. So, like, that's like, in public scenario.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Amanda]

I don't know how people do that. I get so cringed out. Like, I don't know if I could do that.

[Frank]

By the way. We didn't film any of that.

[Shane]

We're just doing it.

[Frank]

We fully just did that for the price.

[Joe]

We would.

[Frank]

Once we figured out the intersection thing, we're like, this is a whole new level of fun. My brother was also, like. He would jump into a bush off of a building if he wanted to.

[Shane]

Like, sure.

[Frank]

Just like nuts like that. And I remember when it would snow, car would pull up to the intersection and be at a red light. And my brother Keith would just run and just slide across their hood

[Amanda]

because

[Joe]

it would be like the people that like didn't fully clean off the hood hood of their car yet. So there's still like compacted snow.

[Amanda]

That's. That's actually brilliant.

[Frank]

That's so funny. You got to figure out you didn't

[Joe]

grow up with snow, so you don't get it, dude.

[Shane]

I mean. Okay, I've experienced snow though.

[Frank]

What was the first time you saw snow in your life?

[Shane]

Well, I, I lived in Virginia when I was from 4 to 6 or 2 to 6 years old. So snow was like some of my first memories, actually.

[Frank]

Oh, okay, cool.

[Shane]

So I know it, I know snow.

[Joe]

I know snow.

[Shane]

I know snow.

[Amanda]

You know snow.

[Shane]

And then my, my grandparents and all my family live in Colorado. So I'd go there for, for Christmas.

[Joe]

Every good amount of snow.

[Shane]

Snow everywhere.

[Frank]

So better than us.

[Shane]

Rocky Mountain snow.

[Amanda]

Did you guys like when you were kids, you know, have to go skiing and all that? Was that like part of your life?

[Frank]

No.

[Amanda]

Why was it part of my life, man?

[Frank]

I don't know.

[Joe]

You

[Amanda]

shut the up.

[Joe]

And they loved each other for a while.

[Amanda]

No, it's cuz my uncle worked at Ragged Mountain.

[Frank]

I don't even know what that is.

[Amanda]

What? It's in New Hampshire.

[Shane]

Ragged Mountain to Ragged Mountain.

[Amanda]

That's literally what it is.

[Frank]

It's safe, I promise.

[Shane]

It comes down, it's like half broken off, it's dangling.

[Amanda]

That's literally what it is though.

[Frank]

It's ragged.

[Amanda]

It's ragged.

[Shane]

Every one person. We'd lose one person per year.

[Amanda]

I don't know what it was. It was like I turned a certain agent. I was like, okay, now's your time. You have to ski. And like going on a chairlift with all your sisters is like a life or death situation.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Because you're all on this. You're all on the chairlift and you're not. You're like having fun, but if someone says the wrong thing, you're not having fun. And so like you're about to go off and there's like a little, there's like a little bump and you're all trying to go off at the same time. So you're like, your skis are pizza ing and you're. And one time my little sister was like, I don't even want to do it. And she stayed on the chairlift and

[Shane]

went all the way around, just stuck.

[Amanda]

And they were like, we have to bring her back, like skiing.

[Frank]

I was skiing once, but I. And I was like seven.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Or maybe I was a little older than that.

[Amanda]

Actually, everybody.

[Shane]

No, I've done skiing. I've done snowboarding, but when I was, like, younger.

[Frank]

So I've done it, like, as an adult. But, like, growing up, I had only done that one time, you know, that,

[Amanda]

you know, I had. I don't know, maybe. Maybe that's just my parents. But I felt like as a kid, I had to, like, they made me do everything.

[Frank]

Yeah, our parents didn't really.

[Joe]

Yeah, my parents were.

[Shane]

Parents were paying attention.

[Frank]

Literally, me and him would be walking to school in third or fourth grade. Fourth grade.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, no, no, that's not true.

[Frank]

Which is kind of crazy.

[Joe]

Which is crazy because, like, now.

[Frank]

No, it is.

[Amanda]

No, no.

[Frank]

Yeah. That's insane.

[Joe]

Like, they're not leaving my sight.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Like, they're in the backyard. I'm gonna be right there with them.

[Amanda]

Yeah, of course.

[Frank]

But our parents would be like. Like in the summer, I remember I would leave the house at like, 8 in the morning. I would go to the park, and then I had to be home at 6 for dinner. And then I had to be home at, like, 11. And I'd like.

[Amanda]

You would just, like, check in at home and eat?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And if I didn't check in, they'd be so pissed.

[Joe]

And it got a little easier once, like, cell phones started becoming a thing. Because, like, then we could just be like, oh, we're at the park. We'll, you know, talk to. We were like pigeons. It was just like, they leave and then they'll eventually come back.

[Amanda]

That was pretty much the same. I mean, especially when it was like manhunt nights. We would be in a random neighborhood and we would be out in the dark. And there was always, like, one house that was kind of not abandoned, but, you know. Yeah, slightly. That's where you'd hide.

[Frank]

Slightly abandoned.

[Shane]

Slightly.

[Joe]

Someone checked in.

[Frank]

Someone's in there.

[Shane]

They're like, who the fuck are you? We didn't like it in Arizona. Yeah. Up until I was like, 13 or 14, I didn't have a phone. So, like, you would walk out, but, like, I would leave for the day. And it's like 115 degrees outside. So not only is it like, oh, am I gonna die? It's like, will I get heat stroke? It's just like. I don't know. Figure it out, man.

[Frank]

Yeah, we used to play Manhunt also, like, around a church, of course. And like, the. The priest was, like, not happy with.

[Joe]

Yeah. I mean.

[Frank]

And he would come out and. Why, I don't know. He would come out all the time and he'd be in the priest thing. I'm like, yo, at 11 for real?

[Amanda]

Does he sleep there?

[Frank]

They have a thing. They live what's called a rectory or something.

[Joe]

Oh, well. Well, it's got it.

[Frank]

Don't, don't.

[Joe]

I'm not gonna. I'm not even gonna. It's about.

[Amanda]

That's what I was gonna say.

[Frank]

I don't know what it's called, but

[Joe]

it's called something like.

[Amanda]

It's a wreck.

[Frank]

No, don't say that either.

[Amanda]

Right.

[Shane]

But I think they look up on top.

[Joe]

They explored them.

[Frank]

They're on the campus.

[Shane]

They have the bell.

[Amanda]

There's up there.

[Joe]

No, we. It was like, well, we gotta ring

[Shane]

the bell in the morning.

[Joe]

You know why he didn't like it? Because we were like climbing the like.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Onto the building.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

Sure.

[Joe]

Like, who's trying to like, you know, pray, whatever.

[Amanda]

Come up with his sermon.

[Joe]

Yeah, exactly. And then we're out there screaming like,

[Frank]

I got you, dude.

[Joe]

I got you. Olliolly oxen, show me your balls.

[Frank]

Children, we can't play here no more.

[Joe]

Also, who's showing their balls ball? Well, you. You said. You said earlier you grew up in the church, like Irish Catholic, right?

[Amanda]

My church was called the Immaculate Conception.

[Frank]

There was one of those in our.

[Joe]

One of those by us. Yeah, I thought it was.

[Shane]

Turns out it's a chain. Wait, what the.

[Amanda]

I thought it was just our special church.

[Joe]

The Del Taco of churches.

[Frank]

I know, we got two.

[Shane]

Yeah, there's a bunch of those.

[Amanda]

What?

[Shane]

Turns out it's a. I thought that

[Amanda]

was my special church.

[Frank]

Like McDonald's of church.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Joe]

They put out a video and they're like. We have now expanded to 14 states.

[Frank]

We had Most Precious Blood was one of them. Holy crazy.

[Joe]

That's a crazy one because what. What did.

[Shane]

That's a vampire.

[Joe]

What do they think was the Most Precious blood?

[Frank]

You know what I mean? Someone in history was saying stuff like that too.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Was that Catholic?

[Frank]

Yes.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

That's crazy. Ours was just like holy cross. And then I guess apparently we had

[Joe]

St. Francis, St. Catherine's but St. Catherine's and St. Irene's were Greek churches. They were Greek Orthodox Church.

[Frank]

Yeah. St. Francis was the one that we were like most like, we were near.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Did you guys do like a Sunday school or like.

[Frank]

I did that.

[Amanda]

Me too. Did you learn anything?

[Joe]

Oh, God. Yeah.

[Frank]

I also. The grades I would get graded.

[Amanda]

Me too.

[Frank]

Saying my parents grades were like yes or no.

[Joe]

Yeah. You get a report card like A

[Frank]

Y or an N? Like, literally something like that.

[Joe]

No.

[Amanda]

Not going to heaven.

[Frank]

My CCD teacher actually lived in the building of a girl that we knew growing up. And we were at her house, and I guess she heard me curse, and she had this vendetta against me.

[Joe]

It's a rat.

[Frank]

When I went to Sunday school, she gave this whole speech about how, like, oh, some people in here like. Some like that. And I was like, yo, this is crazy.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Shane]

What curse word did you say?

[Joe]

The good ones. The good ones?

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Yeah. But she was, like, not happy at all. And I was like, dude, just give me my. Why?

[Joe]

It was.

[Shane]

I remember as a kid when I was, like, going to church and stuff and, like, curse words and everything, and I was like, these words didn't exist 2000 years ago. Why? Why is this bad? Yeah, why is this?

[Amanda]

Because there was so every CCD teacher I had literally had it out for everybody. I remember a girl in our class got her period, and the CCD teacher was like, you are an abomination. Like, whoa. She did not want to talk about it. She made her go home early. There was, like, no discussion about it.

[Joe]

Well, our generation, we were taught by the biggest fucking prudes on the planet that, like, literally, like, liter. Literally, like, in the 50s, they would be like. Like, their idea of being raunchy was like, I have a poodle on my skirt. And it's like, you know, have sex in a car. You know, do something fun.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I have a poodle on my skirt.

[Frank]

Well, they would do that. Like, people have sex in cars.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Lovers Lane.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And they get killed.

[Joe]

Was that, like, a real play? I always thought it was, like, jokes from, like, movies and stuff where they'd be like, we're gonna go make out at, like, you know, titty point or something.

[Amanda]

There's never a titty point. Okay, We.

[Frank]

We had one of us.

[Amanda]

You wish, Frank.

[Shane]

You guys had a titty point?

[Frank]

Yeah, we had the dumps.

[Shane]

Turns out it's a franchise.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

You know what we had?

[Amanda]

The quarry.

[Joe]

The quarry. That sounds more dangerous from Lord of the Rings.

[Amanda]

The quarry.

[Joe]

We made out amongst the ents in the quarry.

[Amanda]

It wasn't that cool. We had, like, a lot of kids from my town would dirt bike.

[Shane]

Do you want to go down to Morrigan's Bog and make out and then

[Frank]

go up to Ragged Mountain? See if we can climb Ragged Mountain.

[Joe]

She has been courted by Thelonious.

[Amanda]

Shut the up. The quarry was just, like, piles of dirt that people would dirt bike on.

[Frank]

You were telling me you you were

[Shane]

the one telling me that you had, like, fairies in your neighborhood growing up. You're like, oh, yes. Fairy trolls.

[Amanda]

Oh, fairy houses. Yeah.

[Joe]

What does that even mean?

[Frank]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe]

No, no, no, no.

[Amanda]

This is a crazy.

[Joe]

What's it.

[Frank]

What's a fairy.

[Joe]

I'm shocked. A place like Massachusetts had a place called a fairy house, and they didn't burn it down.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

Okay.

[Amanda]

No, they're. They're. Well, they're secret. They're like little fairy houses everywhere. Everywhere. It's where the secret hippies want to, you know, do their little fairy houses.

[Shane]

You had fairies?

[Amanda]

The church didn't know about the fairy houses, by the way.

[Frank]

We had fairies, too.

[Shane]

My dad didn't.

[Joe]

Usually my dad called me and him.

[Frank]

Yeah, of course.

[Amanda]

Of course. Yeah, yeah, fairies. Get in the car and start putting your dicks in the dress.

[Joe]

Exactly.

[Shane]

Take your balls out of your grandmother's

[Joe]

drawers and get here. All right, you guys done making out? We're gonna go flip a dock.

[Shane]

You guys got to have all this exciting shit.

[Amanda]

That is so real.

[Joe]

Yeah. You guys, you had the quarry you

[Shane]

probably had in Arizona. All we had was like a gunslide. Yeah, like, what the.

[Frank]

That's kind of fire.

[Amanda]

What is a gun slide?

[Joe]

I mean, it's pretty self explanatory.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

No, it's not a slide.

[Joe]

That is shaped like a gun.

[Amanda]

Oh, is that what it is?

[Frank]

Please tell me that's not what it is.

[Shane]

Of what a gunslide. I'm a gun slide. These nuts in your mouth. Amanda, you almost messed it up.

[Amanda]

I did. We talked about this book right before the episode. He's like, this is what I'm gonna do. And I went, hell, yeah.

[Frank]

We talked about that.

[Amanda]

He said, do not say anything. You have a gun side. And then he was acting all weird, and I was like, why is he acting so weird?

[Frank]

Son of a.

[Amanda]

Go. Hit him with a.

[Shane]

Got him. Got him. Son of a.

[Joe]

A cross country got him.

[Shane]

Is so cross country got him. And I.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

It.

[Shane]

It was.

[Joe]

We didn't.

[Shane]

It was completely around. It was tossed around. You had moments.

[Guest or Additional Announcer]

Moments.

[Joe]

I feel.

[Frank]

I feel like betrayed.

[Joe]

Almost nowhere on the call sheet did I see. Be prepared for it. I would have come prepared.

[Shane]

You guys warn each other?

[Joe]

No.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Frank]

Def. We should definitely hit a hand with

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

that when we get home.

[Joe]

He's quick. Ant's quick with it. So he might know I got it.

[Frank]

I don't.

[Amanda]

We'll figure it.

[Joe]

I have one. I have one. Locked and loaded.

[Shane]

I've got it.

[Joe]

I've got one.

[Shane]

We. I literally walked up to Selena like, like last week. And I was like, we got to get them. Like, I was like, we don't need to prepare anything for this. We just got to get them.

[Joe]

And you got them and you got us and. But do you see what I mean about like, balls being part of like, male culture jokes and stuff? Yeah, you just showed us your balls of the joke.

[Shane]

You're right. You're right. I did. I did.

[Frank]

Your guns.

[Amanda]

He's getting so embarrassed right now. It's crazy.

[Shane]

Does he.

[Joe]

Does he. Cuz Joey's like this. Does he.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

Let's.

[Shane]

Let's just up.

[Amanda]

Yeah, let's talk.

[Frank]

Does he whisper?

[Joe]

Does she like people like, fawning over him? Like, compliments?

[Amanda]

Yeah, he doesn't love it.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

Although.

[Amanda]

Although. No, he's gotten a little bit better. Like, with me, I can be like. Like yesterday I was like, I like your shirt. He was like, thanks so much.

[Joe]

They're that bad? Like that.

[Amanda]

That. Yeah.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Frank]

Frank thinks that I don't like compliments because he compliments me like a T ball coach. He's like, hey, man, you should really be proud of yourself.

[Amanda]

I'm like, that feels a little. That feels a little. Yeah, it's like, compliment.

[Joe]

You're on this couch, I think when

[Shane]

it's not thrown out casually. When it's like said really earnestly with like.

[Frank]

And like tussling my hair and shit.

[Shane]

Hey, yeah.

[Frank]

Hey, buddy.

[Joe]

Like, get on a knee.

[Shane]

I would say that's my dynamic. That's my dynamic with our friend Damien. Damien's been like one of my best friends for a long time. And he'll give, like, really, like, he'll make a moment a full moment. And it's.

[Amanda]

It's like, like, okay, like, very sweet.

[Shane]

It's incredibly sweet.

[Amanda]

He's like, I heard that you really liked, you know, Predator. So I went to Japan and I got you this special Predator T shirt. He gave it to me and I was like, oh, my God. Fucking, that's awesome.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And he was like, thank you. Yes. And I was like, yes, this is awesome.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

But like, I took it in and then I felt like, oh, I should get him something. But I don't think that's why he does it.

[Joe]

Yeah, well, no, I just. I'm. I think I am very much so. Like, you know, I've been put in a position now where I can, like, do what I've always wanted to do and, like, provide for my family. It's because of him. And I'm always like, feeling the need to just be like, dude, you've made my dreams come come true. You know what I mean? Like, thank you so much. And then he'll, like, respond, say that, let's get this out. I absolutely have said that to you before.

[Frank]

What he's describing, though, is, like, we'll do a show like we. When we did msg.

[Joe]

When we did msg.

[Frank]

Like, afterwards, he'll.

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[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

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[Frank]

Like, you should be proud. And it's like, bro, we did that.

[Joe]

Yeah, but, like, also, like, so I'm

[Frank]

like, not that I. I think about

[Joe]

it from the perspective that I had where, like, you were making videos and content very early on and, like, 2015,

[Amanda]

and then you came on.

[Shane]

No, no, no.

[Joe]

He was making videos in, like, 2010.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

2010. But you started the podcast, and when.

[Joe]

2015.

[Amanda]

And then you came on in 2020.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah. But, like, so I look at the time that he had, like, doing it by himself, and I'm just like, like, you should reflect on that, which I know you do, but, like, I want to tell you to do it.

[Amanda]

So here's what's happening, right? He's. He's. He's a father. Yeah, I know he's a father, but this is.

[Frank]

I'm your father.

[Amanda]

He's your father.

[Frank]

But that's. That's what it. What it comes. And I'm like, okay, is it.

[Amanda]

Because it's like, this is too much pressure. Like, I think he.

[Joe]

I don't know.

[Frank]

Sometimes it's like, it's. Maybe it's just not like, I'm not ready for that yet.

[Shane]

Is it a little. It's a little existential? Yeah Positive. It's a little existential. It's like you think about your whole life.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Because I think I take a little longer to do that. Because, like, even something like that, you get off stage, and immediately I'm like, all right, I got to figure out what that was.

[Amanda]

Well, you have to process, like, okay. You have to process, like, pretty much everything you said. You're like, okay. So I said that thing to that. That worked. That didn't work. Wait, why didn't that work? That was weird. Okay. Did we choose the wrong person? I don't know. That's what I do.

[Frank]

It was more of, like, for that show specifically, like, there was a lot leading up to it, obviously, and a lot of things had to go right. And then we had a good show, and then it was, like, afterwards, and there was just a lot to go through before. You can be like, okay, I know how I feel about it now, kind of.

[Joe]

Yeah, it's. We're almost a year away from it, and I'm still processing, like, the shows from the year before still. You know what I mean? Because it's such a weird thing. But, like, I get that. And I also, like.

[Amanda]

So when you come off stage, you kind of. You, like, automatically want to kind of, like, connect and be like, hey.

[Joe]

I mean, not necessarily, like. Like, we do like, it. It's very quiet after a show backstage. Like, we kind of just sit down and decompress. You know, there's like, the adrenaline dump. But, like, big shows that we've done, whether. Whatever they were, I'll be like, dude, like, I hope you take a minute to realize, like, you did something crazy. And, like, we'll. We'll talk like that. But, like, it.

[Amanda]

It.

[Shane]

It takes.

[Joe]

It's not like every single show. If it was, I would punch myself in the face.

[Shane]

You know what?

[Amanda]

One day, Joe is gonna wake up and just be like. And he's just gonna sob because everything you said, it's just gonna hit him all.

[Joe]

I cry all the time.

[Frank]

Like, this was the. Was it the day after? I think it was the day after. And it's, like, a weird way, but. Because, like, I saw my mom afterwards, and, you know, whatever. All our friends and family had, like, a little party afterwards. But then I was in my bed the next morning, and I saw, like, a TikTok that someone posted of, like, the view of it and was, like, confetti at the end of it. And then I was just like, I lost it. Because. Yeah, we always. We. We've talked about this a lot, but Being on the stage is so different than sitting in the crowd.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Like, and when I see photos of definitely that show, but, like, any of the shows we've done, I'm like, holy.

[Shane]

Like, that looks fire.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Yes.

[Frank]

It's. It feels different maybe because you're. You're kind of behind the curtain and, you know, like, oh, it's just a bunch of wires and shit behind here. But then it looks like a show, so it just. It feels like. It's hard to feel the magnitude until you see the photos.

[Shane]

Yes, it's true.

[Frank]

And if I saw the photo of, like, MSG filled with people beforehand, I'd be like, oh, fuck.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Freaked me out.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shane]

No, when we did the close we have is we did the Chicago theater last year for Reddit stories, and it was like, oh, it's 3,500 people. It's like, holy shit. But when you're on stage, the lighting, you can't really tell, so you're just like, I know there's a lot of people out there, but it's. I can't really gauge it. And then it wasn't until we were leaving and we were getting into our car and there was just, like, a crowd, like, the people. The crowd was leaving, and you're just like, oh, my God. Yeah. All of those people were in there.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's nuts.

[Joe]

Our photographer is awesome. Zach. Shout him out. And he takes pictures at the venues where he goes to, like, the top back of it and takes, like, a shot from over there.

[Amanda]

I love that.

[Joe]

So, like, I'll see that, and I'll just be like, you know, like, it's.

[Frank]

It's.

[Joe]

It's like, you see that, and it kind of puts it in perspective.

[Frank]

But also, the marquees are cool. You're like, my dad's up there.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Joe]

Well, the Chicago theater freaked us out in particular. I know. It definitely freaked me out. The first time we did it, we were backstage in the green room, and we're hanging out, and, like, they have, like, everyone wrote on the walls backstage. Did you guys sign the wall?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

I wasn't at the Chicago when I

[Shane]

was giving, but yeah, we did sign the wall.

[Amanda]

Or later.

[Frank]

Don't you hate when that happens?

[Joe]

More impressive.

[Amanda]

Crazy. It was crazy.

[Joe]

More impressive.

[Amanda]

It is. And that.

[Frank]

Honestly. Shame on you for not.

[Joe]

Shame on you for not giving birth.

[Shane]

No, you're right. Unbelievable. You've been giving birth. I'm really sorry I signed the wall. I'm really sorry about that.

[Amanda]

In blood?

[Joe]

Yeah, in placenta blood.

[Amanda]

In placenta blood.

[Joe]

I was like, no, but, like, the. You sign the wall and stuff like that. And then, like, we're like, all right, we're gonna have a good show. We're still, like, the first round of stuff. We our, like, rhythm down. And then we see, like, next to the door, it says, like, have a swell time. I sure did. And it. Frank Sinatra. And I was just like, holy.

[Frank]

You know, Frank Sinatra performed here. And I'm about to go talk about my balls.

[Joe]

Guillotine balls.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Joe]

But, like, it, like, for me, I see that, and I'm just like, who the am I?

[Frank]

You know, like.

[Joe]

You know what I mean? Like, a moment like that where, like, that person's there, and then you look around and you see other names, and

[Shane]

you're just like, well, no, I definitely have the same thought whenever we do our show, because I come out and I'm like, whoa, hey, what's up, Chicago? And then I pull out my iPad and start reading Reddit. I'm like, I feel stupid now.

[Amanda]

I feel the same way. Like, after we did the Denver show, I was like, oh, like, we just read Reddit. It wasn't enough. Like, I. I love to perform. I was like, we need to, like, do a full performance. And then I realized when fans talk to me about it, they're like, you're someone that is, like, comforting to me. Like, I go to you to feel

[Shane]

connected to specific viewing experience.

[Amanda]

And so I'm like, oh, to get that in such a big magnitude with all those people kind of feel the same way.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's.

[Amanda]

He's pretty cool.

[Joe]

It's pretty really cool.

[Amanda]

I just, like, I always want to feel like I want to offer them. Like, whenever we do Reddit, like, I. I always. I just want to, like, offer them something really amazing. Like, I'm just like. I want to perform for them. So it's weird for me to, like, not have any, like, wigs or any. I'm just sitting there like, this is just me. Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah. I love to wear wigs.

[Frank]

The song and dance.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Hey, we do it sometimes. We did a whole episode where we just played made. We made up ants.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah. Shane and I were not ants, like, on the floor like our aunts.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. Okay.

[Joe]

We say ants, too, but yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. Some basic.

[Joe]

Is that the episode when you did the Bob.

[Amanda]

Was that the group? Yeah, I did an east coast aunt, and he did a Key west aunt, and we blacked out. We don't remember.

[Shane]

Were you drinking?

[Amanda]

No, we just blacked out completely. I don't Know what happened?

[Shane]

We filmed for 80 minutes and we did not character.

[Joe]

I mean, that happens. We did an episode where we put on wigs and we were like, long Island Medium moms.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

Oh.

[Amanda]

And it was Long Island Medium.

[Frank]

We were like, oh, my God, the video games. They're making the kids gay.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the same thing, but, like, so true.

[Amanda]

Completely lost in the Long island medium, isn't it? Like, how do you say. How do you do?

[Joe]

Well, on Long island, you have your daughter.

[Frank]

They do. It's a Long Island.

[Joe]

Long Island.

[Shane]

Long Island.

[Frank]

Long Island.

[Joe]

Long Island.

[Amanda]

Long island and everything.

[Joe]

It's kind of like the. Like the character of. If you guys watch Soprano.

[Amanda]

Yes, of course.

[Joe]

You know how, like, you know, she walks around. Like, Carmela walks around like this. Like, that's the Long island mom.

[Amanda]

That's the Long island, like a T. Rex.

[Joe]

Yeah, just like over here. Everything's a concern.

[Shane]

Water.

[Joe]

Everything's a concern the water.

[Frank]

Water.

[Joe]

Well, it's. It's making. I heard it's making the frogs gay. It's making the kids gay, and you're gay, and everyone's gay now. They want us to be gay now.

[Amanda]

So then. Do you watch the YouTube? Did you watch that YouTube series? Back in the day was like, my son moved to New York and now he's gay.

[Joe]

Oh, is that the. Take a picture next to the tree.

[Amanda]

Mother's Day.

[Frank]

I'm not kidding. The. The Mother's Day one and the Christmas one. We send it in, like, my family group chat. Like, this is my mom.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Like, this scene wrapped around a telephone cord, like, oh, my God. Did you hear that? Yeah.

[Frank]

My mom doesn't have, like, an accent like that. There's certain words. But like, the scene where in that video specifically, it always stands in my mind. I'm like, literally, I've seen my mom do this a thousand times, but it's like Mother's Day. And it's like she goes to pick something up and she goes, what am I doing this.

[Amanda]

The dishes. I'm not doing the dishes. It's Mother's Day.

[Frank]

It's like, forget this. It's Mother's Day.

[Joe]

My mom was the. On Christmas where it's like something gets opened and it's just like, she needs to tell you how it's not enough. But, like, we hope you like it. So it's just like, yeah, I thought you would like an Xbox and if you don't like, whatever. I mean, it's. I tried, you know, and it's.

[Amanda]

I really tried my hardest I tried

[Joe]

my hardest to get you the Nintendo Wii. And it's like, you did good. You did good.

[Amanda]

Those fucking videos.

[Shane]

But you know, there's sold out everywhere,

[Amanda]

so I didn't know, like, I was literally like, that is. It's not really my mom, but like, it is like my aunts and everything. And like just the whole thing of, like, her dropping her off at the mall. It's like, I'm gonna drop you for the mall. What are you doing tonight? You hang out with your friend? No, you're hanging out with me. Fine, go hang out with your friend if you want. And she's like, the precious moments.

[Shane]

Like, it's so weird to hear about this because my family is so like, non confrontational.

[Amanda]

Like, because like, Shane, I come from completely different.

[Shane]

No, like, no, it, like hearing that, like, my family is so just like, okay, yeah, whatever.

[Frank]

Like, okay, great.

[Shane]

Like, like, okay. Like, that's the vibe.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So whenever I hear like east coast people and it's just like, bam.

[Joe]

We came from, like families that were strong minded and like, my mom like, struggle, like, struggled with, like.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I like that. Yeah, that's a good word for the podcast. Strong minded.

[Frank]

Strong minded. They like, my uncles are extremely strong minded.

[Joe]

She, like, would like, do the thing where it would be like, you know, like, I love you, motherfucker. I love you so much, you fucking idiot.

[Amanda]

I love you.

[Shane]

I don't think you've ever heard my mom say the word fuck.

[Joe]

Oh, whoa.

[Shane]

I don't think I've ever heard it.

[Frank]

His mom has cursed me out.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Like, and she. And she, like. But like, in like a loving way. This woman would cry every single New Year's like one of her children got shot in the face ten times.

[Guest or Additional Announcer]

Oh, my.

[Joe]

Like, I'm not kidding.

[Frank]

Every year, like, we would.

[Amanda]

Because the year's ending. Yeah.

[Frank]

Just reflecting, of course. But every year he would have a New Year's Eve party and I would go there and we would celebrate New Year's there. And then it would be 3, 2, 1. We would, you know, pop champagne, whatever. And then it would like spill out into the front yard and she would be on the stoop. Just inconsolable.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And I'm like. I'd be like, oh, you know, Happy New Year, Nancy. And she just grabbed me.

[Amanda]

No.

[Joe]

And then. But don't get it. It would be that. And then it would immediately. It would be a hug. And then it'd be like, you're getting older. Like hitting me or something.

[Amanda]

How dare you? How fucking dare.

[Frank]

She would Just like, say things. She'd be like, you look after him. And I'm like, yeah, like, we're two idiots.

[Amanda]

I can't fit.

[Shane]

I put a trash can on his head and someone kicked him.

[Amanda]

I can't look after him. Do you know what's probably.

[Shane]

Did you not see the video of his balls in a guillotine?

[Joe]

She probably thought she knows about that one now. Yeah.

[Amanda]

She probably thought of, like, the worst thing that could. It all flash before her eyes on the stoop. The worst thing that could happen.

[Joe]

I have, I have come to since, you know, now. Now that I'm married and I have kids, my wife tells me. She's just like. It's all like. Every moment is just like how bad it can be because like, of like, mom guilt and stuff like that.

[Amanda]

It's like intrusive thoughts. I, I, I, like totally experienced when I had my son. It was just like we're all like, hanging out. It's a great. Like, my husband was playing with our son on the floor and it was so cute. And I had this big bowl. You know how you mix your salad in the mixer?

[Joe]

Hell, yeah.

[Amanda]

So I took out the whole mixer and I just kept the salad.

[Joe]

Gotcha. Okay.

[Amanda]

It's like the big bowl and like, our wedding song came up or something. And I'm watching them play and I am sobbing.

[Joe]

What's the wedding song? We're going to make fun of it

[Amanda]

if it's not Van Morrison, into the Mystic.

[Joe]

Don't. Don't. I can't think of that song off top of my head.

[Amanda]

It's all right.

[Shane]

Oh, you want.

[Frank]

I'll do something like that.

[Joe]

That that's like a real thing.

[Amanda]

I just thought of it all the whole, like, I was like, I. I could.

[Joe]

Well, because you're picturing in the future when, like, I could lose it all.

[Shane]

You have the vision for from Terminator 2. Yeah.

[Frank]

Oh, my God. A bomb can hit right now.

[Shane]

Oh, no. Nuclear war.

[Amanda]

So I'm gonna be your mom on New Year's Eve.

[Joe]

Yeah, you definitely will.

[Frank]

Yeah, I do that. But like, it could be just videos of strangers and I'm just like, yeah, no, me too. I like crying. Like, I'll try same Like, I'll find something and it'll get me a little bit and be like, let me pull on the string.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And then I'll just be sobbing about something.

[Joe]

I used to be afraid of turning into my parents, but then it's like, I'm giving that to my kids so they can of me. It's like a gift to them, you know.

[Frank]

How nice of you.

[Shane]

I will give them.

[Joe]

This is how selfless I am.

[Amanda]

You're gonna be a strong minded parent for you.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but our parents are like a big part of like just kind of the personality and the dynamic we had because we, it's so like they're just characters, of course. And like you don't know like if other people have the. Like my dad, I've told this story before, but like when I was younger, I like asked my dad to buy me comic condoms.

[Amanda]

Oh, brave man.

[Joe]

And my dad, I gotta set the scene.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Joe]

My dad is like a 5 foot 8 Colombian electrician.

[Shane]

So like, I don't think my parents know that I've ever had sex.

[Frank]

That's.

[Shane]

I've been. I'm married. I don't think they know.

[Frank]

My parents don't.

[Joe]

We don't.

[Frank]

My family doesn't talk about. I mean, we don't either.

[Amanda]

My family definitely talks about sex. Except for my dad.

[Joe]

We don't. Your dad's like. I mean, you have several sisters, right?

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Joe]

So different dynamics.

[Frank]

My siblings, we don't talk about it.

[Joe]

Oh yeah, yeah, we get into all.

[Amanda]

Okay, well see now that seems your poor father.

[Joe]

Well, no, it was like, it was just like that moment where he's just like, this is my time to be a dad. And like just seeing.

[Shane]

How old were you. Can I ask?

[Joe]

That's an inappropriate question.

[Amanda]

No, I want to hear it.

[Joe]

Never ask a lady her age.

[Amanda]

Yeah. How dare you?

[Frank]

16.

[Joe]

I was probably around 16 or something like that. How dare you?

[Shane]

But like me, 16, like I'd buy them if I need them, but you know, it's not.

[Joe]

You're saying good for you. Like, they didn't sit in my drawer for eight years. But it's good that you, you don't

[Amanda]

want it to be protected.

[Shane]

No, but like Smart 16 year old,

[Joe]

he took it and he was just

[Amanda]

like, okay, Shane, it's okay, Shane, it's okay.

[Frank]

Yeah, no, that's same.

[Shane]

I would have definitely. I would have asked my dad for sure.

[Frank]

I wouldn't have dreamed of saying that to my dad.

[Shane]

No, I would have never.

[Frank]

My dad never brought up sex. Well, one time my dad, all he said was. And I had no idea what the he meant until I like really put it together afterwards. But I think I was like. I think a girl was meeting me at the house and then we were like going out somewhere. I forgot how old I was, but he just like pulled me to the side and he just goes Listen, you could be green, you could be blue, you could be yellow. And I was like, what the fuck is that? But he was talking about condoms.

[Shane]

What?

[Joe]

Oh, I thought he was going with

[Amanda]

like, yeah, you could be any guy.

[Joe]

He turned into a Dr. Seuss rhyme.

[Amanda]

You could be any guy you want to.

[Frank]

Like, you could be green, you could be blue, you could be yellow, whatever.

[Amanda]

Blue.

[Frank]

And I was like, ribbed. What the are you talking about?

[Amanda]

What's yellow?

[Frank]

Yeah, like, can you imagine? My dad said that to me. He was like, listen, you got. You got the blue ones. You got this one. You get ribbed. You could get ribbed. You could get the ones that turn your dick into an Icy Hot.

[Joe]

Yeah, you can get cork screw.

[Amanda]

Let me tell you, nobody likes that. Nobody likes the icy.

[Frank]

How could that possibly be anything? Nobody likes it.

[Shane]

It's insane trying to come up with.

[Amanda]

So you didn't know what he was saying? Did you ask?

[Frank]

I believe I did. I was just like, what the are you saying? And he's like, you know, just get, you know, if you need money for condoms. And I was like, that's what this.

[Shane]

Oh, so your dad came, your dad

[Frank]

offered to you, and then out of nowhere, and there. There was never, like, a birds and the bees. Like, hey, you got to be careful.

[Shane]

Do you think Frank's dad talked to him and he was like, oh, Frank, absolutely not.

[Frank]

There's no way.

[Joe]

No.

[Frank]

If him and my dad were ever talking to each other, it was about, like, nails and drills. Oh, yeah.

[Amanda]

Are your parents, like, friends at all, or do they.

[Frank]

They were like.

[Joe]

Like when we were younger because our sisters also went to school together.

[Frank]

They were friends when they were younger.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Our moms have the same birthday.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Frank]

Isn't that crazy?

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Kismet.

[Joe]

Kismet.

[Amanda]

That's incredible.

[Frank]

Yeah. Really weird.

[Joe]

But then, like, I think as just, like, being parents, and then, like, my parents getting, like, the whole separation. They were just like, we don't have time for other people, right?

[Amanda]

No, no, we don't have time.

[Joe]

We barely have time for each other. That's the problem.

[Frank]

Both of our dad. That's my. My dad was a fireman and also, like, worked construction, and his dad was an electrician. So they like, oh, they talking about, like, yeah, well, you got to see the pipes in this place. It's just like, joe, I need Joe. I can't.

[Joe]

And then his. Your mom was involved in our schooling, and then my mom was super involved in a school, so they, like, you know, kind of.

[Amanda]

We talked about that.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

Yeah.

[Joe]

It was like that mom didn't get

[Frank]

in there until after we graduated fifth grade.

[Joe]

Yeah, but she was involved when your sister and my sister were in middle school together too. So you guys have been friends?

[Amanda]

Friends since pre K?

[Joe]

Four years old.

[Shane]

Holy.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Wow. Now did you like have your separating moments like in high school or were you always like.

[Joe]

We went to. We only. Well, I mean, like schooling wise, we only went to school together from first grade until fifth grade. And then he went to a different middle school. I went to a different.

[Amanda]

That's what happened in my town.

[Joe]

Different high school, Middle schools. Well, no, he went. You went to like a. Nevermind. What even was that school?

[Frank]

I don't even know. My mom thought that it would be better than our zone school, which it was, to go to that and. Yeah, and so she was like, she, she worked in a school, so she was trying to like pull strings.

[Amanda]

Oh, I got it.

[Frank]

And like got me into a different school. It wasn't like specialized school or anything. It was just a different school that was further away, which was super fucking annoying.

[Amanda]

So you guys like split up during your middle school?

[Frank]

But no, we were still like friends in the neighborhood.

[Joe]

We live three blocks from each other. So it would be like, imagine your

[Shane]

life like, hey, Arnold. That's.

[Joe]

It was like, it was really, really what it was. And after school we would be like, all right, everyone's just going to the park, so we'll meet at.

[Frank]

Or like, you know, you didn't need a phone because it's like, everyone's going to be there.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's so cool.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

And then, and then, I mean, even past that, like, me, I went to college. He, you know, kind of stayed in our neighborhood and stuff like that. And then.

[Amanda]

Oh, you stayed in the neighborhood?

[Joe]

You know, I dropped out.

[Amanda]

Hey, that's okay.

[Joe]

I mean, he's doing all right for himself.

[Amanda]

I think you're fine.

[Joe]

Yeah, I think it's okay.

[Amanda]

So then after, then after that, did you guys like come together before? Like when he was doing the podcast with other people?

[Frank]

Yeah, he other.

[Amanda]

You weren't his first.

[Joe]

Should you be angry? I went to college and like, my parents beat it in my head. Like, you know, they did the whole like, chase your dreams, but like, that's kind of stupid, you know, like, get a job, get a degree, get a job. Like, like that's what success is. So I went to school and then after I went to undergrad and grad school and then stayed up there for work. And like, I was working up there, living up there. He Was doing his thing, like, the videos and the podcast, and then I got fired. He actually came and picked me up and, like, helped me pack my stuff for my apartment.

[Amanda]

Well, you know how to move people. You were forced to do it as a kid.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I mean, I was involved in this one, though. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Thank God.

[Joe]

But then, like, I came back to New York, but my wife and I were dating at the time, and she was living in Jersey, and I was like, all right, I'm going to come to Jersey. So now, like. Like, we have, like, different branches of our life, but, like, the show has kind of brought us back together in a sense.

[Amanda]

I think it's probably better that you guys separated and had your own lives so that you can come back together.

[Frank]

Yeah, I mean, we. We say we've said it all the time, but, like, our relationship, even growing up, was kind of like that, too. Like, I have, like, friends that I see more often than I see Frank. But, like, that was the case, like, all through high school, because we had. He had his own friends in. In high school. I had mine. But we also, like, mostly hung out with the neighborhood kids.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So even in high school. I went four years through high school. I hung out with my high school friends maybe, like, three times.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Frank]

Like, that was it.

[Shane]

You just mostly hung out with them at school? Yeah. Outside of school. Never saw them. Yeah.

[Frank]

And I.

[Shane]

They sucked.

[Frank]

I'm not saying that I, like, I

[Shane]

think they're nice people.

[Frank]

No, they're nice people.

[Amanda]

Nice people.

[Joe]

They're nice people. But they were, like. They lived in, like, the, like, Weller, like, better off part of Queen.

[Frank]

I had no way of getting kind

[Shane]

of like, Amanda with Boston.

[Amanda]

What the hel.

[Joe]

No, but they'd be like, oh, we're having a house party. My parents bought us a keg, and we're like, we found a 40.

[Shane]

We dug up some old beer. Yes.

[Frank]

We have moved to splitting a cigarette.

[Shane]

Seriously? Passed it down the line really fast.

[Frank]

Don't say a word.

[Amanda]

Stop.

[Shane]

We're spinning around really fast. You kind of feel woozy.

[Amanda]

Did you guys ever do Edward 40 hands?

[Joe]

Did we? We actually are currently scheduling to do it for.

[Amanda]

Yeah, we are.

[Shane]

Holy.

[Amanda]

So, you know you have to have them both and you can't pee.

[Joe]

Yeah. I've never heard of Born Yesterday. Listen, I'll piss my pants if I'm playing. I don't care.

[Frank]

You peed a lot.

[Joe]

Were you not an Edward forty Hands?

[Shane]

I've never. Edward forty Hands.

[Joe]

It's fun, dude.

[Amanda]

I personally have never done it, but I've been at a thousand times like that.

[Shane]

I don't think at 34 years old, I should be doing it for the first.

[Amanda]

Yes, you can.

[Joe]

I mean, you have cameras here. You could do them in front of a camera, and then it makes it less sad.

[Shane]

Not really our typical content, but sure. You know, really, really still run by HR.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

I'm like 33 years old, and I'm like, listen, honey, I got to go to work for the day, you know, and I'm there taping 40s of Coors Light to my hands, and I got to go home and put kids.

[Shane]

You know, Is Coors Light allowed? I. Is. Wasn't a specific type of beer.

[Amanda]

English.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

Oh.

[Joe]

Oh, he's not even. That's.

[Amanda]

Nobody has.

[Shane]

I thought it was a. I thought. I was told it was like, a malt liquor, but, I mean, it could

[Joe]

be whatever's in a. I don't think the parameters are really that. Yeah, well, look at you setting the rules. You've never done it.

[Shane]

My brother. My brother did it, and he told me about it, and he was like, yeah, he's like. The technique is actually to do a little bit of both at the same. Like. He's like, you don't want people drink all of one, and then you have a whole other one. He's like, obviously, it's the same amount of liquid. No matter what.

[Amanda]

I would find this not to be a good.

[Shane]

Go back and forth.

[Joe]

Your brother sounds like he is giving it too much thought.

[Amanda]

Your brother has done it more than once.

[Frank]

You got to tip it.

[Amanda]

You got.

[Joe]

Growing up didn't do, like, you know, like, fun, crazy drinking games.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, I really.

[Amanda]

I did beer pong. I did flip cup. I loved playing beer pong. I was on the beer pong table all night long.

[Shane]

I was I.

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[Shane]

Became, like, a child actor at, like, 14. So.

[Joe]

So, like, they were giving you the beer in the green room.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just straight to cocain. Straight to the hard.

[Frank]

Never played beer pong, but I did rip rails.

[Joe]

I would bump in rails with Amanda Bynes.

[Shane]

So I was actually around people doing crazy. But I myself was kind of, like, nervous, too, because I was like, oh, if I get caught doing something, my mom's gonna make me move back to Arizona, and I have to give up on my.

[Amanda]

There's a thing about Shane is that people don't offer him.

[Shane]

Also, people didn't ever offer. I actually got. Throughout most of my teen years and 20 twenties, whenever I was at a party and I'd, like, leave, and, like, one of my friends would be like, oh, yeah, I did cocaine. I was like, I don't want to do cocaine. But I was like, but nobody.

[Frank]

No one asked me to do a cocaine.

[Shane]

Nobody asked. Nobody thought to ask.

[Amanda]

No one offers shame.

[Shane]

I would have said no, but you could have asked.

[Joe]

I could see you having, like, a I'm gonna tell on you face at that point.

[Frank]

I would never tell, first of all,

[Shane]

because my friends would tell me that they did drugs, and I'd be like, that's cool.

[Frank]

You're gonna tell.

[Amanda]

Not.

[Joe]

I'm not the tattletale. First of all, you've ripped up people's cigarettes before.

[Frank]

I've watched you.

[Guest or Additional Announcer]

I have.

[Joe]

Because I'm saving. Saving them.

[Shane]

I would.

[Amanda]

Good for you.

[Joe]

Because I'm saving their lives, honestly.

[Frank]

Good for you.

[Amanda]

Yeah. I remember ripping out one of my mom's packs, and I thought I was gonna die that day.

[Joe]

Yeah, I might have been.

[Frank]

It's like, 200, basically.

[Amanda]

I literally was like, oh. I'm on my deathbed.

[Joe]

So my. My family has a cabin on a lake in Connecticut, and all the parents up there. There was, like, 20 houses up there. All of them smoked like freaking chimneys.

[Amanda]

No.

[Joe]

And I'm. I'm, like, insane. Like, they were buying cartons. Marlboro was sending my father, like, merch.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

Merch.

[Joe]

Yeah, seriously. And my brother and our buddy once took all of their cigarettes and hid them. I'm like, thousands of dollars hid them. And then, like, themselves went, like, hid. So, like, did they have, like, the big boxes? Yes.

[Shane]

Was this done out of, like, benevolence? Like, was this done with.

[Joe]

I mean, we were little Pieces or

[Shane]

you were just fully praying?

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

I mean.

[Joe]

No, no, no, no, no. It wasn't me. Truly, fully was not me. But, like, they did it because we always had the approach of just like, don't smoke cigarettes. We want them to be around. And it was like the parents were, like, double mad because it's a lake. They can't find two of the kids, and they're freaking out because they're like, oh, my God. And then they're like, where are my $5,000 of Marlboro Lights?

[Frank]

I'm so stressed about my child being

[Shane]

a cigarette. But, like, combo.

[Joe]

We were.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

We.

[Joe]

We were like prime children of the DARE program.

[Frank]

Yeah, we. We never.

[Amanda]

Every time I bring up dare program, everyone's like, what? Is that?

[Frank]

What I was.

[Amanda]

I went to D. That was.

[Joe]

That was. That's intense.

[Frank]

So nuts. Such a nerd. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Guys, shut up. I didn't. I didn't choose it.

[Joe]

My sisters were like, you know, the church, dare camp. Did you do anything fun?

[Shane]

Oh, I. Yeah, she. She.

[Frank]

Oh, I didn't.

[Joe]

I didn't know where to. Nowhere.

[Shane]

Oh, I. I.

[Amanda]

A DARE officer every.

[Shane]

No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

[Frank]

I.

[Amanda]

The sheriff of this sheriff and I.

[Shane]

The sheriff, the baker, the mailman, the

[Amanda]

candlestick maker, the cobbler and I, we got.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

Damn.

[Joe]

We went up to Ragged Mountain and we just ragged each other up.

[Shane]

Girl, it wasn't ragged before I got there.

[Amanda]

Professor Plum and I on Ragged. Okay.

[Frank]

Yeah, we never, like, grew up doing any sort of drugs or anything, though.

[Shane]

Okay, that's cool.

[Frank]

Yeah, we know for sure.

[Amanda]

He's crying again.

[Shane]

Like, we're all establishing the pod. It's okay.

[Amanda]

His eyes get wet.

[Shane]

I've been crying, laughing all day.

[Amanda]

Yeah, he has.

[Joe]

You're welcome.

[Amanda]

But, yeah, I.

[Frank]

Our teachers growing up, we would do, like, the. When we had the DARE program, which was basically, you go into the basement and legitimately the basement school, and then they would be like, yeah, drugs. Nah. And we're like, okay, eight ways to. They would give you a ribbon, like, a red ribbon to wear. And it was, like, symbolic of, like, no drugs. And then we would do, like, a march, but you would just walk around the block of the school, and on the walk, sometimes the teachers would smoke C. Stop.

[Shane]

Swear to God.

[Frank]

It was like these Greek women, and they're like, yeah, don't do drugs, kids.

[Amanda]

Disgusting.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

That is so funny. Did they also have the briefcase full of drugs?

[Frank]

Oh, that's a good question.

[Shane]

Did they bring. They brought drugs.

[Amanda]

They brought a briefcase to be like, these Are all the drugs that are bad? This will make you do this. This. And people were like.

[Shane]

They're like, how much for that?

[Frank]

Yeah, yeah, literally. Are you selling?

[Shane]

Are you selling?

[Joe]

No, I don't remember.

[Frank]

Like, in fourth grade, it increased.

[Amanda]

You were so young.

[Shane]

It. It was bad. Like, it. It helped drugs in the war on drugs, I think.

[Joe]

No, I think it was like.

[Shane]

I think statistically, dare increased drug use.

[Frank]

That's crazy.

[Joe]

Well, it's like the same thing where, like, you know, sex ed made like, a pivot into, like, you know, like, you're going to have sex and die. And it's like. Or teach sex. Safe sex. Not that, like, safe drug use is the way, but, like.

[Amanda]

Right, right, right.

[Joe]

The, like, complete. Don't do it.

[Shane]

Abstinence. Cause. Yeah, absence is like.

[Frank]

It causes anal. Right.

[Joe]

What? Where?

[Amanda]

That's what he was.

[Shane]

Not what I was gonna say.

[Joe]

Going for it.

[Shane]

Sex ed being old. Abstinence only increases teen pregnancies.

[Frank]

Right.

[Shane]

So not teaching safe sex.

[Frank]

No, I'm saying, like, being analyzed about it is what I mean.

[Joe]

I got you there. That's exactly what you meant.

[Frank]

If you guys do sex ed for the first time.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. My mom brought me to, like, mother daughter night, and I wanted to die.

[Frank]

What? What?

[Joe]

Well, you and your sisters were smoking cigarettes at, like, 10 and talking about it.

[Amanda]

No, my sister did make me go up to my dad and be like, what are testicles? And it was awful.

[Shane]

My. My parents. My parents, like, I said, we did not talk about sex at all. Like, but it was a household where if there was a mile. Sex scene in a movie, my mom would be like, close. Close your eyes.

[Joe]

Call your mom right now and be like, hey, Mom.

[Shane]

Absolutely.

[Amanda]

I have had sex.

[Frank]

I've had sex this month.

[Shane]

Just letting you know. But I remember, I think my parents had the talk. They like the. Their version of it. I want to say I was like, 13 or 14.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So they walk up to me. I'm scrolling Ebaum's World. So, like, I've already. I'm seeing things. I've seen things. And I truly were just. They kind of were like, so, you know. And I was like, yeah, I already know.

[Amanda]

And they're like, did you know?

[Shane]

Yes. By the time I was 13 or 14, he was lying his ass.

[Joe]

Well, I imagine, like, you're honest, Amanda,

[Shane]

unlike you, I actually used the Internet as a child.

[Amanda]

Listen, what did you do?

[Shane]

She was outside talking to trees.

[Amanda]

We had one computer. My mom was super strict.

[Shane]

We had one computer, too, but I would use it at night.

[Amanda]

My mom was super strict about Internet and tv.

[Joe]

So were we.

[Shane]

When your parents go to sleep, you

[Joe]

had a view of the world.

[Amanda]

No, no, don't start with me. I also.

[Shane]

I'd also be at friends houses. They'd be like, dude, I found a photo of a vagina. And you'd be like, what? They'd be like, you want to see it? I'm like, yes.

[Joe]

Well, we were in second grade.

[Shane]

They. They'd be like, they. On some website. They're like, check this out.

[Frank]

And it's like, I downloaded porn on Limewire. It's going to be done in five days.

[Shane]

That's really. That's really what it was like. Check this out. It'd be like this weird kind of blur.

[Joe]

It was like a pixelated picture. Exactly.

[Shane]

And me 11 is like, so is so. Okay.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Shane]

Okay. Yeah, for sure.

[Joe]

Well, we found a Playboy in second grade.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Joe]

We did. It was in the alleyway behind his house. It was like between the chain link fence and like a garage. And we were just small enough to like, slip back there.

[Amanda]

What movie is this? It really was Outsiders, like, what's happening?

[Joe]

And we like, slip back there and we're like this. And he's just like, look. And we were like, whoa, put it down. Ran home.

[Shane]

You left it. We would go back.

[Joe]

Communal place.

[Shane]

We would go back to.

[Amanda]

It was your spot?

[Frank]

Yeah. Like, it was at the top of my block. And. And like Frank said, it's like it was a driveway that had like a fence. And then there was a gap between the next garage and this garage that you could like walk through. And at the end, it was like shoved into a crack. And it was just like a Playboy.

[Joe]

It was like a communal playboy. Taking it would have been. So one of those days, one of

[Shane]

your teachers walks by, he's just like, oh, oh, I'm going to keep on walking now. But like, oh, my God, this.

[Frank]

And it was all like up from the rain and shit. Yeah, it's from like 1970. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

There's a lot of hair in here.

[Shane]

Crazy.

[Frank]

Do they look like that?

[Amanda]

Wait, that's so. I like my. I don't know if you guys ever heard of this, but do you remember the. I don't know if you'll remember this, but my mom had this big book, like an encyclopedia book called the Joy of Sex. Have you ever heard of this?

[Joe]

Your mom got after it?

[Frank]

No. This sounds like a.

[Amanda]

It's like a 70s. It's like a 70s book with like, sex drawn sex positions of like, like the Guy looked like Chris Christopherson.

[Joe]

Like, hell yeah.

[Amanda]

And no, it was full.

[Shane]

The owner of Ragged Mountain.

[Joe]

Well, Uncle Merle.

[Shane]

Wait, that's.

[Amanda]

Shut the up. No, it was like full 70s, drawn out pictures, like, explained sex positions. And me and my friends would go up to my mom's room and, like, really sneak attack and steal it.

[Shane]

Reading it. Like the never ending story.

[Amanda]

Yeah, literally. But they were like hippies. It was like the joy.

[Joe]

No, no, literally, it really was. It really was. Like, that was the only, like, magazine we found. But it really was like the early Internet where, like, you'd go on kaza and, like, you would be like, I'm going to download the new, you know, 50 Cent album. But it was just like a picture of, like, a top. Just some random top.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

But then, like, the computer would freeze, so we would have to, like, yank the power out to turn it.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Turn it back on.

[Frank]

Dude.

[Amanda]

1.

[Frank]

You know what we used to do that was like, this is. I mean, this feels like now we're ancient, basically. But because we. You didn't have access to the computer, but you're like, all right, I got to put this horny energy somewhere. We would go to a pay phone and you would just dial 1-800-Butt-SEX or anything. Like, you could still do it. Like, you could 100, like, big tits or something. Something. Like, it'll just pick up and it'll be a girl being like, hi. It's like a recording. And she's like, hi, big boy. You want to bounce around these big boobs? All you have to do is pull out that big credit card.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Did you have a credit card?

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

No.

[Shane]

We would hear that and be like, oh, my God. And hang up right away.

[Amanda]

Wait, that's amazing.

[Joe]

You didn't know that?

[Amanda]

I wish I tried that.

[Joe]

Do it right now.

[Frank]

A very early episode. Do you remember we did that on the podcast. Yes. We were calling all types of shit.

[Joe]

Yeah. Because it's anything that, like, it's the seven letters. So it could be. Be like, you know, like, sex or like tits. Like, anything like that. They have cornered the market.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

On this.

[Amanda]

As a website right now. And now it's on my work laptop.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Amanda]

You guys messed up. Selena now.

[Joe]

Sorry, Selena.

[Frank]

I'm telling you, if you call the number, it's. It's a recording. It's like, it's like very, like, old school, like, 80s. It's like she's like, hello? And you're like, this is ridiculous.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

Yeah.

[Joe]

So that was how we would, like, we'd be like, oh, my God. But you'd have to hang up quick, quick, because then you'll get. If you stayed on the line, it would, like, charge you, like, $8 for a minute or something like that.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

How would you pay them?

[Frank]

Yeah, it was a payphone.

[Joe]

Well, I mean, if it was, but, like, if you called from, like, a cell phone or a house phone or something like that.

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

This is so funny, dude.

[Frank]

Thinking about these stories now is so funny. I feel like I haven't told that.

[Amanda]

Yeah, the magazine is hilarious.

[Joe]

You got. Your fans are probably like, what the is going on?

[Amanda]

I've grown up in New York. No, no, they're fine.

[Shane]

You said some crazy.

[Amanda]

Yeah, we have. I've never told the Joy of Sex story because nobody knows what it is.

[Frank]

Yeah. Have you seen the Miracle of Sex?

[Prime Video Elle Woods Promo Announcer]

No.

[Joe]

The miracle of Life.

[Amanda]

Yes, y'. All. To watch it in. Have you, like, jim, is that a baby?

[Joe]

Have you seen, you know, childhood, anything about that?

[Frank]

Do you know what that is?

[Amanda]

No. I remember we. I had to watch, like, a birth video when I was pregnant, and it was really hard.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

It made me so. I don't know if you. Your wife did, but, like, it made me so scared.

[Joe]

Oh, my God.

[Amanda]

You know what?

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

Ha.

[Amanda]

But, like, your insurance. Your. Your insurance will, like, send these. These videos, and your. Your obgyn. OBGYN will, like, be like, oh, you should watch this to get educated and you don't have to. But I love to know everything. I'm like, I want to know it all. And it. Some of the videos are very, very medieval. Like, the. The things they need to use. Like, if your baby gets stuck in, they have to suction or clamp them out of there. Anyways, so that was wild to watch that as an adult. As a kid, you're like, yeah, well,

[Joe]

the first time we were, like, introduced to sex Ed we had. It was fifth grade, and our parents had to, like, sign a waiver. And our fifth grade teacher, the one that taught it, was just like an old raggedy German woman. So, like, she was like 4 foot 4, but had pipes that could. She would scream, and you could hear it from blocks away.

[Frank]

Sonic boom of a voice.

[Joe]

And so it was like, you know, she sat us down, and it was just.

[Frank]

Just like, if you laugh, you're out.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Joe]

And, like, it's.

[Shane]

You don't learn about sex.

[Frank]

Very serious.

[Joe]

Like, they took. And, like, I love that. We're like, okay. All right. And then the first. Like, she opened up the very first class, like, she was she was baiting us. Like she was trying to get us ready.

[Shane]

She.

[Joe]

The very first thing that she said was, the penis is just a miracle. And you hear this out of an old German woman's name. And him and one of our other buddies were gone within.

[Frank]

Yeah, she kicked me out.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's tough.

[Frank]

Before anything, the penis is a miracle out of this woman. Are you kidding me? It's like, you can't even write this kind of, the penis is a miracle. I was like, come on. I think I may have looked over at Frank and he was just like, yeah, I'm losing it now.

[Shane]

That's really tough. So they kicked you out and you just didn't get to learn about sex at all.

[Frank]

Yeah, I think that they. You just can't do the class anymore, so. Or maybe I was able to do the class. I can't remember, but shows how much we. The education did not stick.

[Shane]

I don't remember.

[Amanda]

Well, I think you're just. You're way too. Too young.

[Frank]

You know what's funny about that, too? And when. When we were in fifth grade. I don't know if you guys had this at this age, but first of all, chalkboards.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Back in the day, of course. But we had a room. We talked about this recently, and as we were talking about it, we're like, wait, what the. She would send two kids to go clean the erasers. And there was a dedicated room that was like, one by one, tiny room.

[Joe]

Room is generous. It was a closet.

[Frank]

It was a. And there was a machine that had bristles like this. Oh. And you would turn it on, and it would just go like that. And it was a tiny room. So we'd be in this small room that I think had, like a 1 watt. It was like, very dark, and you're just cleaning. And the whole thing was filled with chalk. And by the time you get back to your classroom, you're covered in chalk.

[Joe]

We have, like, mesothelioma.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Seriously, you get there, and you get

[Frank]

back to class, you have the black lung or whatever the fuck minors get.

[Amanda]

That's insane.

[Frank]

You're like, all right, who.

[Amanda]

No, that's off. We did not.

[Shane]

And your face is just chalked, covered.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Well, kids today, they don't have it as rough as we have.

[Amanda]

We had.

[Shane]

These kids don't.

[Joe]

Down.

[Frank]

We had mile back.

[Guest or Additional Announcer]

Uphill.

[Joe]

Yeah, uphill both ways. We had to clean and get coughs.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Shane]

They don't understand.

[Frank]

Uphill both ways. I don't think you know how hills work.

[Amanda]

Yeah, shut up.

[Frank]

That doesn't work. Wow.

[Amanda]

Sex. Sad.

[Frank]

Yep.

[Amanda]

Well, I think I've learned everything I need to learn when I had baby. You know what I'm saying?

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Actually, I don't know.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

I think.

[Joe]

I mean, who. Who are we to. To. To say what you have and haven't learned. Right, guys?

[Amanda]

That's right. No, I guess.

[Frank]

Yeah, dude.

[Amanda]

From afar.

[Joe]

Yep.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Shane]

How about that?

[Amanda]

Hold your hands for the rest of

[Frank]

the episode and get what?

[Shane]

And.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I'm not giving you guys anything, so why you don't get gifts for that?

[Joe]

I was specifically told we were getting gifts.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank]

Do I get anything from being here?

[Amanda]

We will get you guys.

[Shane]

We have lunch after this, so if you guys want lunch.

[Amanda]

Yeah, we have lunch. We're serving breakfast for lunch.

[Shane]

Yeah. That's a fun treat. Pancakes. You guys have those over there?

[Amanda]

Huge.

[Frank]

Loved. Pancakes or dinner. All right. Loved that.

[Joe]

We'll ask you guys, because this is a conversation we've had.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hit us.

[Joe]

Okay. Rank them. Best of these three. One, two, three. One being the best. French toast. Pancakes. Waffles.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Done.

[Shane]

Easy. I love all of them, by the way.

[Amanda]

Yeah, no, yeah, of course. Everybody knows.

[Shane]

All right.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, of course.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

Ready?

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

I'll hit you with mine.

[Amanda]

Yeah, you can go first.

[Shane]

Pancakes. French toast. Waffles. Ooh, pancakes.

[Joe]

One.

[Shane]

Pancakes are.

[Joe]

That's interest pan.

[Frank]

Clark's number one.

[Shane]

French toast is incredible, too. And then waffles are great, but they're. They're just. They're.

[Amanda]

Can I ask a question about the French toast? Is it, like Texas toast vibes or

[Joe]

however you feel the perfect version of. For you.

[Amanda]

O. Pancakes.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Frank]

You guys are cakes.

[Amanda]

French toast and waffle.

[Frank]

I forgot your answer.

[Joe]

Mine was waffles. French toast. Pancakes.

[Shane]

Pancakes.

[Amanda]

Last.

[Joe]

Yeah, Pancakes.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

You have.

[Joe]

Pancakes are. Pancakes are so easy to mess up. That, like, they are so easy to mess up.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

Good.

[Amanda]

Dry.

[Joe]

What helps with waffles, too, is that you can have them sweet or savory. You can do, like, a chicken and waffles or something.

[Shane]

That is true. Chicken and waffles is legendary.

[Frank]

It is, but I. You do butter on everything.

[Joe]

No, I mean, are you like that? Maybe like butter?

[Frank]

Like, if you get pancakes, you're like, let me get a butter and put a little bit.

[Joe]

I'm not, like, going nuts. It's more the syrup is the.

[Shane]

The party.

[Frank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

You know, the syrup.

[Amanda]

What's your rank?

[Frank]

I think French toast might be my number.

[Joe]

French toast.

[Shane]

That's not bad. Look, I'm not mad about anyone's Powdered

[Amanda]

sugar and strawberries on it.

[Joe]

Oh, and it's like stuffed with. With.

[Amanda]

Oh, I don't think it needs to be stuffed.

[Joe]

You never had one.

[Frank]

It doesn't need to be.

[Shane]

And it's stuff.

[Joe]

What is going on?

[Shane]

Everyone. Put in your credit card information.

[Frank]

There was a diner that I went to one time that they would have pancakes, and then next to it was just like every ingredient you could think of, and they would put it in the pancake.

[Joe]

Hell yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I loved it.

[Amanda]

Savory stuff.

[Shane]

Sounds like you love whatever you can do. Sounds like that's the number one type of feeling. You guys had a. You guys had a thing recently on your podcast where you showed a photo of a bunch of wings.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah. And which wing you.

[Shane]

And I picked the same one as you. I was like, that one. Cuz I'm like, flats are so much better than we agree on.

[Amanda]

The big bulbous ones. Not my fav.

[Frank]

I'm like, okay. I do like.

[Shane]

I'm eating. I'm eating them all.

[Frank]

I like eating those, cuz it makes me feel like a. Like.

[Shane]

Like a.

[Frank]

Like a.

[Amanda]

It's like a man.

[Frank]

Like a medieval.

[Amanda]

Yeah, like a medieval.

[Joe]

Yeah, like a man for once.

[Amanda]

Like. Like a man for once. You little boy.

[Frank]

I want to go to a ren fair, too.

[Joe]

Yeah. I think really dress Courtney saying that,

[Shane]

like, the ones here are crazy.

[Joe]

Courtney was like her sister's like a professional medieval. Medieval battle.

[Shane]

Yeah. Like knight fighting, like, in armor and shit.

[Amanda]

That is so awesome.

[Joe]

My dream is to wear legit chain

[Amanda]

the full yes I.

[Frank]

And have someone stab me.

[Amanda]

And me just go, no, no, no.

[Shane]

We work on me. Coward.

[Frank]

And I just spin and cut.

[Amanda]

Hey, you guys could do a whole live show about that.

[Joe]

Yeah, we could do that. Just. We'll bring a chain mail and a dagger to a show and see what happens.

[Amanda]

And you be on a horse stage.

[Shane]

Yeah, People love that.

[Joe]

What if you just.

[Frank]

With a gun.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Frank]

What if you shot each other?

[Shane]

Guns and stuff.

[Joe]

We should commit to it, though. Like, I'll wear the chain mail and you stab me. So they'll just be like, he's so mean to Frankie.

[Amanda]

Yeah, no, that's. You guys should do that.

[Shane]

Keep building that up.

[Joe]

Or we'll stab ant to really, like, commit.

[Frank]

Yeah. I mean, the show's over at that point. It's over.

[Joe]

It's done.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah. Can't happen.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. This was a literal dream.

[Joe]

Like, thank you, guys.

[Amica Insurance Announcer]

He.

[Amanda]

He. He was like, oh, my God. I'm watching Basement Yard. I'm listening to Basement Yard. You have to watch them. And he's like, you'd love them. And then I did, and I was like, do I know these guys? Have I known these guys forever?

[Joe]

Well, the last time we spoke about Shane, we said that Joe would, like, whoop his ass in a fight. So we were like on our toes.

[Shane]

I was scrolling and I was like, oh, they talked about me. And then it was that. I was like, okay, cool.

[Amanda]

Oh, they talked about me. Oh, poor guy.

[Frank]

Pop up.

[Joe]

I think we were just talking about, like, people we could beat in fights.

[Shane]

And I was the first name.

[Joe]

No, there's no way.

[Amanda]

I think.

[Shane]

I can't remember the exact, like, yeah, a child Shane.

[Joe]

But I think we were going off of like. Like height. Because we were saying, like, you're trying

[Shane]

to find your weight class.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Joe]

And then I said, I was like, you and Shane would be a good fight. And then I also. I gave you your flowers. I was like, this dude.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Joe]

You know, But I don't remember what I said.

[Frank]

To be fair, you said.

[Joe]

I think you said.

[Shane]

You said I would drag him around the ring. I remember it specifically.

[Frank]

Okay. To be fair, I would have said that about anybody.

[Shane]

Yeah, for sure. It was very funny.

[Frank]

And I don't know that that's necessarily true. It's just what I have to believe.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Joe]

It would be not a. It would be a fun fight.

[Shane]

Because there was those couple years where they were doing, like, the YouTub boxing stuff a lot. And I definitely had. I definitely had the thought of, like, who would I have to fight? And I was like, are they gonna make me fight markiplier if I do it? I'm like, oh, like.

[Joe]

Well, that's why. Yeah, because we had. I think it was right after we did Dr. Mike episode.

[Frank]

Oh. And he said that he was like a.

[Joe]

And he's a boxer.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Frank]

Yeah, he, like, fought on, like, two.

[Joe]

He's another one.

[Shane]

Not very health conscious.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Not a smart health move.

[Joe]

Well, we said during the episode we were like, punch me in the face and then like, help me if I need help, you know?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

But believe it or not, he wasn't about it. Yeah, but yeah, that's how. That's how we got there. But we. That's how you guys.

[Frank]

Boxing matches.

[Joe]

We. We've loved you guys for years, and just getting able to do this has been really, really cool.

[Frank]

Yeah, we were super hyped when we found out that you guys, like, mentioned our name. They were like, yeah, or someone like, DM'd me or. Or like, something. And they were like, oh, dude. Talked about you on Smosh.

[Joe]

And I was like, what?

[Frank]

Yeah, trying to find it. And then I was like, I get the episode. And I'm like, how am I gonna find this in here? And so I was like, what's the time stamp?

[Shane]

Gajillion episodes.

[Joe]

I'm like, I can't find it.

[Amanda]

Yeah, we just like bounce all over the place.

[Shane]

No, this has been fantastic. And I don't know which videos are getting uploaded first, but we just shot a games video with you before this.

[Joe]

Yeah, that was fun.

[Shane]

Where we hardly played the game.

[Amanda]

Hang on to your seats for that.

[Shane]

We kind of just did this also there.

[Frank]

Right.

[Shane]

And then you guys are going to be on Reddit stories in a couple weeks and that was one of the best episodes we've shot.

[Joe]

Thank you so much. Really, really, really cool.

[Frank]

Truly, this has been like very fun to do all of these. It's awesome.

[Shane]

It's been so easy. I feel like your guys dynamic, it is similar to how we are with each other.

[Joe]

Thanks. And we'll come back whenever you want us.

[Amanda]

Okay?

[Shane]

Hey. Yeah, for sure.

[Amanda]

Honestly, I really want you guys for werewolf. I really want.

[Frank]

I want to play one of those games. Or is it kind of like a. Like, like triple agent or something like that?

[Shane]

Sure.

[Joe]

Double agent maybe?

[Shane]

Probably.

[Joe]

I think there's two. Two?

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Frank]

A triple agent would just be an agent.

[Shane]

I think he's just back to where he started.

[Amanda]

Y. Yeah, definitely.

[Joe]

Like, I think this, this time around, since this is our first time coming, we're like on our best behavior. Next time it might get.

[Amanda]

We're going to it up.

[Joe]

We're going to get. Yeah, it might get a little.

[Amanda]

Get a little rowdy.

[Joe]

We'll do Edward 40s.

[Shane]

The 40s. Yeah.

[Amanda]

It's just YouTub Shane vomiting and at

[Shane]

the end we realized we didn't record it just like card corrupted. Anyways, well, thank you guys, guys and

[Amanda]

oh yeah, you guys have anything that

[Shane]

you want to shout out?

[Amanda]

Shout out.

[Frank]

Yeah, you guys can catch us on tour. We'll be going out in September, but you can go to the basement yard dot com, look at all the dates there, find the one closest to you, come hang out with your boys and go check out the basement yard.

[Amanda]

Hell yeah.

[Shane]

Hell yeah. Thank you guys so much. We'll see you next week. Bye.

[Guest or Additional Announcer]

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[Shane]

Este cuatro de Julio and Los Angeles ahoras ta cuar enta cinco porciento en electro domestico Select Char Broil Performance Series Ahora dosientos noventa y nuevedolares nuestra mejor Selection. Save more on what you need to get the job done right Right now at Lowe's, get 15% off. Select custom entry and interior doors. Plus save $80 on the DeWalt 20 volt max 2 tool combo kit. Now just $169. And at the Lowe's Pro Desk, bring us your materials list and get a quote in minutes. Handwritten, a photo or even a sticky note is all you need. Keep your jobs moving faster and on budget at Lowe's. Valid through 7 8. While supplies last selection varies by location.