#33 - Answering YOUR Dating Questions!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth Episode #33 – "Answering YOUR Dating Questions!"

Release Date: February 12, 2024
Hosts: Shayne Topp (Shane), Amanda Lehan-Canto (Amanda), and Guest Tommy Bo

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Introduction and Valentine's Day Reflections

The episode kicks off with Shane and Amanda welcoming their special guest, Tommy Bo, setting the stage for a heartfelt discussion centered around Valentine's Day—a theme that aligns with the episode's focus on dating. With Valentine's Day coinciding with Amanda’s birthday, the hosts dive into their personal experiences and varying perspectives on the holiday.

Notable Quotes:

• [01:28] Tommy: “But do they know I love them? I will prove it.”
• [02:34] Amanda: “Amanda is Latin. It means to be loved.”

Personal Experiences and Perspectives on Valentine's Day

Amanda shares her unique celebration of Valentine's Day as her birthday, highlighting the lack of traditional pressure to exchange gifts or dine out. This contrasts with Tommy’s discomfort with the societal expectations tied to the holiday, emphasizing the differing ways individuals perceive and celebrate love and personal milestones.

Notable Quotes:

• [02:30] Amanda: “We never go out to restaurants. My grandmother would always cook us heart cakes.”
• [02:25] Shane: “Valentine's Day just feels a little cheesy to me.”

Shane’s Music Resolution

Shane briefly shares his personal resolution to listen to entire music albums, attempting to engage with music more deeply. This segment adds a light-hearted interlude before transitioning back to the main discussion on dating.

Notable Quotes:

• [07:23] Shane: “I have a resolution. This is gonna sound funny… I need to listen to albums.”

Listener Q&A: Overcoming Social Anxiety in Dating

The hosts address a listener’s concern about overcoming social anxiety to enhance their dating life. They offer practical advice, emphasizing the importance of community support, stepping out of comfort zones, and focusing on personal happiness rather than solely on finding a partner.

Notable Quotes:

• [12:33] Shane: “Your identity is not your dating life. You know, that's not your worth.”
• [16:10] Tommy: “You have to continuously push against that discomfort.”

Meeting People In-Person vs. Apps

Responding to a question about the efficacy of dating apps versus in-person interactions, the hosts suggest participating in activities and classes that align with personal interests as a way to meet new people organically. They stress the importance of enjoying the activity itself rather than fixating on the goal of finding a date.

Notable Quotes:

• [19:10] Amanda: “Go take classes that you like. Pottery classes, sports, paint classes.”
• [20:12] Amanda: “Meet someone outside of your job that you have a crush on.”

Humorous and Lighthearted Questions: Farting on Dates

Adding humor to the episode, the hosts tackle an unconventional listener question about the appropriate timing for farting on a first date. This segment showcases their chemistry and ability to balance serious advice with playful banter.

Notable Quotes:

• [25:55] Tommy: “I want someone that is like, all right, they go out and they care about themselves.”
• [26:14] Amanda: “Nasty guy.”

Dealing with Unrequited Feelings in the Workplace

A listener seeks advice on navigating unrequited feelings for a coworker. The hosts discuss strategies such as finding ways to become less emotionally invested, possibly changing work environments, and seeking support from friends or professionals to manage emotions constructively.

Notable Quotes:

• [34:31] Tommy: “Find a way to get annoyed by them. Find an ick.”
• [35:47] Amanda: “Transfer. If possible.”

Confronting Toxic Behavior in Male Friends

Addressing concerns about toxicity among male friends in the dating scene, the hosts recommend approaching the subject with empathy and caution. They highlight the influence of the manosphere and encourage men to seek genuine connections rather than adhering to harmful dating stereotypes.

Notable Quotes:

• [45:51] Shane: “Men are objectifying themselves a ton… you are unhappy because you hate yourself.”
• [46:14] Amanda: “Go talk to them. But don’t listen to the manosphere.”

Dealing with Catching Feelings for a Friend

When discussing falling for a friend, the hosts advise weighing the risks of potentially altering or losing the friendship against the benefits of pursuing a romantic relationship. They emphasize the importance of honest communication and self-reflection to determine the best course of action.

Notable Quotes:

• [50:47] Shane: “I would talk to another one of your friends.”
• [52:05] Tommy: “You’re gonna keep changing. So your friends are gonna keep changing.”

Dating Red Flags and Deal Breakers

Amanda outlines critical red flags in relationships, such as controlling behavior and excessive jealousy. The hosts discuss the importance of respect, independence, and healthy boundaries in maintaining a balanced and fulfilling relationship.

Notable Quotes:

• [58:33] Amanda: “Controlling behavior, telling me what to wear, telling me who I can't hang out with.”
• [60:07] Shane: “Flags are just truly, like, kindness. Someone who's witnessing the world.”

Smart Mouth Segment: Dating Apps and Best Opening Lines

In the Smart Mouth segment, Amanda shares intriguing statistics about dating apps and the effectiveness of various opening lines. The hosts explore why certain greetings perform better and offer humorous takes on unsuccessful attempts at starting conversations.

Notable Quotes:

• [73:22] Amanda: “How's it going?” is the most successful opening line at 54%.
• [76:34] Tommy: “How's it going? Is number one at 54%.”

Conclusion and Wrap-Up

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on the multitude of questions addressed and express enthusiasm for future discussions. They emphasize the importance of authentic connections and maintaining self-respect in the dating world.

Notable Quotes:

• [77:25] Amanda: “Happy Valentine's Day. Have a good week.”
• [77:28] Shane: “Happy Valentine's Day. Happy birthday, Amanda.”

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Final Thoughts:

Episode #33 of Smosh Mouth seamlessly blends humor with insightful dating advice, offering listeners a comprehensive exploration of contemporary relationship challenges. From overcoming social anxiety to navigating workplace crushes, the hosts provide relatable and practical guidance, all while maintaining their signature comedic flair. Whether you're single struggling with the dating scene or seeking to strengthen your current relationship, this episode delivers valuable perspectives and heartfelt support.

Transcript

[Amanda]

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[Shane]

Hi. Welcome to Smoshmouth. I'm Shane.

[Amanda]

And I'm Amanda. And we have a very special guest here, Tommy Bo.

[Tommy]

I'm so special. Hey.

[Amanda]

So special.

[Shane]

Every guest we have here is so special.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But it's mostly Tommy.

[Amanda]

Mostly it's Tommy.

[Tommy]

Thanks.

[Amanda]

And it's almost Valentine's Day.

[Tommy]

It is.

[Amanda]

So we wanted. Yeah, it's really cute. So we wanted to do a little. Little love line.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

We reached out to all of you listeners a while ago asking for any dating advice that you'd want to ask us. And I think we got a lot of questions from our subreddit, probably from other places, but got them all here. Got. We picked a good amount of them. We're going to answer them in a little bit. But first off, Tommy.

[Amanda]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Tommy, do you like Valentine's Day?

[Tommy]

No. Okay. All right, reel it back in. I don't dislike it. It always, like, when you're in a relationship, there's like, this. Well, every time I've been in a relationship, there's been, like, a pressure. Even though in person, it's like, oh, Valentine's Day, you know, that's like, a bit. Who cares? But it's always like. But do they know I love them? I will prove it. And I'm. I also, like, for Christmas, like, my family this year decided not to do gifts, and I was like, yes.

[Amanda]

Whoa.

[Tommy]

Because I don't. I mean, like. Like my parents and I. But, like, extended family. Because it's like, the pressure of, like, getting the right gift, all that. That same pressure, I feel, like, applies, and I don't like that pressure.

[Shane]

I think that's totally fair.

[Amanda]

I hear you.

[Shane]

I think I think of Valentine's Day too much. It just feels kind of like one of those. I don't know. Yeah. I think there's other things, like, in a relationship that I would put above it, like anniversary or just. I don't know. Valentine's Day just feels a little cheesy to me.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Valentine's Day is my birthday. It was the day of my Day of my birth.

[Shane]

So do you celebrate, like, do you care about Valentine's Day because your birthday is on that day?

[Amanda]

Well, my older sister is born on Valentine's Day as well.

[Shane]

Oh, right.

[Tommy]

Oh.

[Amanda]

So both me and my sister were born on Valentine's Day. So Valentine's Day has always been a very special day. But I think the thing is we never go out to restaurants. Like, my grandmother would always cook us heart cakes. Like a cake shaped as a heart.

[Shane]

That's cute.

[Amanda]

Yeah, it was really cute. So I always loved Valentine's Day because no matter if I was single or not, I celebrated it with my older sister. Oh. So I always had her.

[Shane]

But you're celebrating your birthday.

[Amanda]

We're celebrating my birthday and Valentine's Day.

[Tommy]

So you just kind of your birthday has, like a built in theme is more of the vibe.

[Amanda]

Exactly.

[Shane]

And you're still cool with a Valentine's Day theme to your birthday?

[Amanda]

Yeah, I think it's great.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Because, you know, my name means love. Amanda means love.

[Shane]

Really?

[Amanda]

I am love. I am. I'm pink at heart.

[Shane]

I didn't know.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

I didn't know any of these things.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

We're learning so much.

[Amanda]

Amanda is Latin. It means to be loved.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Amanda]

So I'm just the most lovable creature a man?

[Shane]

Duh.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Tommy]

Duh.

[Amanda]

You're a child, Amanda. Hug and kiss.

[Tommy]

And you are loved.

[Amanda]

I am loved. But I will say Valentine's Day as a holiday. I never really got to the point where I was like, oh, it's cheesy. But I can understand why it is, because that's probably why I don't go out to restaurants, because they're just. They make it cheesy. Like, I don't get, like, red roses or anything on Valentine's Day. I think that's cheese. Cheesy.

[Tommy]

Got it.

[Amanda]

But Valentine's Day is a very special day.

[Tommy]

What's not cheesy? Like, what's the middle?

[Shane]

Yeah. What's. What's the Right.

[Amanda]

I still think boxes of chocolate is awesome.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Always get box. My dad would get me a heart. Box of chocolates. I like that. Heart cakes.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

Honestly, I've never heard of, like, saying heart cakes. I've never heard of, like, I've seen cakes shaped in the as a heart, but I guess I've never but as.

[Tommy]

Like a cake style.

[Shane]

What kind of flavor are these heart cakes?

[Amanda]

So mine was always chocolate with vanilla, and then my sister's was double chocolate. Cause she's a chocolate freak.

[Shane]

That sounds way cooler, so.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

That's way better.

[Amanda]

I don't get offended when people say that Valentine's Day is kind of lame, because I get it is. It's one of those holidays. It's just, like, a lot of pressure. It's almost like a diamond ring for an engagement. Like, it'll last forever. Like, I don't like that on society. So I guess I got lucky that I get to celebrate Valentine's Day as my birthday rather than, like, oh, I'm single, and blah. You know what I mean?

[Shane]

That's a great holiday for your birthday to land on.

[Amanda]

Right.

[Shane]

Cause others, it sucks. But that one's good.

[Amanda]

Cause.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Like, my sister's is New Year's Eve. My other sister, her birthday's New Year's Eve, and I think she's always not liked it.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Dropping these babies very accurately.

[Amanda]

And my other sister is George Washington's birthday, so she's doing well.

[Tommy]

Oh, my God, he's back. George is back.

[Shane]

You can't tell a lie.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

So I. I've always loved it.

[Shane]

Okay. Pretty cool.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

There is pressure, though. I. I do feel that there is pressure around that holiday to like, make everything, like, hearts and roses and stuff.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

In relationships, I don't think I've ever felt that pressure. I, I. I think I would do something small, but not. It doesn't. It just doesn't feel like I never felt the pressure, like, oh, we actually have to do something.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Go on a date or whatever. It's just like, oh, flowers or something. I don't think flowers are cheesy.

[Amanda]

No, no, no. I love flowers. Red roses.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

I don't know what it is, but me and red roses, I've started to try to, like, get them, like, to be like, okay, do I like red? But something with me and red roses, I'm just not.

[Shane]

Yeah, okay.

[Amanda]

I'm not a fan.

[Tommy]

Blue roses.

[Amanda]

Okay. Yeah.

[Shane]

They're dyed, they're fake and stupid.

[Amanda]

But I love roses. I love, like, all, like, rose garden, white roses. Very nice. Yeah, white roses are beautiful.

[Shane]

Those are good.

[Amanda]

They remind me of, you know, like, swans.

[Shane]

Someone here, after the live show, I think it was Courtney. Someone gave her some black roses.

[Amanda]

Gorgeous.

[Shane]

In, like, a cool little box. And I remember walking by and being like, those look cool. Cool.

[Amanda]

That's gorgeous.

[Shane]

I like all flowers, even red roses.

[Tommy]

That's so inclusive of me.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

So I guess you'll be getting red roses on Valentine's Day.

[Shane]

Yeah, it would be really cool. If I got some on Dante, I.

[Amanda]

Could see Shane as, like, the basic bitch. Like, all these, like, balloons that are heart.

[Shane]

I get those. I got my Stanley cup.

[Amanda]

And I'm just like, yeah, he's taking me out tonight to a steak dinner.

[Shane]

That would work. I'd be down for that. Change the subject. Slight update. I'm still listening to albums. I'm still just. Just so you know, I made a resolution.

[Tommy]

Sorry.

[Shane]

I made a resolution. This is gonna sound funny of Truly, like, oh, I need to listen to music. Like, Jesus Christ.

[Tommy]

So.

[Shane]

So I. One of my resolutions was, like, I'm gonna listen to albums, like, an album. So I'm still listening. And I told Spencer and Amanda some and they, like, made fun of me.

[Amanda]

No, no. I thought it was very fun.

[Shane]

Kicked it off with Olivia Rodrigo and then Mitsky and then Mitzi.

[Tommy]

Okay, I didn't.

[Shane]

Which I don't know anything about.

[Tommy]

Are you emotional, my guy?

[Shane]

I'm picking random albums.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

I don't know music that well.

[Tommy]

You got that, little girl.

[Shane]

I literally saw. I saw this album. I was like, oh, this is apparently a really good album, and it's newer. So I was like, cool. And I'm listening to that Mitski album.

[Amanda]

While I'm working, which is not.

[Shane]

It was so funny. It was funny while I'm, like, actively bench pressing to have, like. Like, the saddest sounding song I've ever heard.

[Tommy]

Your tear ducts are going to be jacked.

[Shane]

Yeah, they were. So what are I. I picked one that I knew I would like because I've heard some of the songs. I picked Ice Spice's album. That was rad.

[Amanda]

I can't help but feel like you're my dad telling me about, like, Limewire or something. Do you remember Limewire? What album am I supposed to pick? No, Shane, it's very. No, there's no.

[Tommy]

There's no.

[Amanda]

There's no album. It's not.

[Tommy]

There's no correct answer. It's just fun to hear.

[Shane]

It's just funny.

[Amanda]

I think it's so sweet that you're like, I'm. Listen, I'm going to actively.

[Shane]

I'm.

[Amanda]

I think it's awesome.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I agree.

[Amanda]

And I'm not making fun of you. I am just.

[Tommy]

It's. There's a delight. There's a delight to hear about it.

[Shane]

Because it's like Spencer's. Oh, Spencer's. Like, I want to wait and see what. What you're, like, into and what. What albums are hitting for you before I make my recommendations.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Shane]

Okay. The Other one I picked was, like, a very random one. I truly just was like, I saw an album on a list and I was like, okay, it's called With a Hammer. I forget the artist. I. But it was dope. It was experimental and crazy sounding. It was awesome.

[Tommy]

Cool.

[Amanda]

I want to send you some albums.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Even, like, old school albums. If you go.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, that would be helpful. I will say, when I'm looking up stuff, I'm getting stuff from, like, recent years.

[Amanda]

Do you like Elton John?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

There's one album that I still go back to all the time. Tumbleweed Connection.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

It's one of his first albums he ever did.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

And it is stunning.

[Shane]

All right.

[Amanda]

Come Back In Time is like. Come Down In Time is one of my favorite songs on it. So. Tumbleweed Connection.

[Shane]

Okay. That's my.

[Tommy]

I wanna listen to it too.

[Amanda]

Yeah, It's. It's very, like, 60s, but, like, not out there, just like, more piano, more.

[Tommy]

Focused on, like, scaled back 60s.

[Amanda]

Scaled back.

[Shane]

Cool.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Okay. Yeah. Well.

[Shane]

Hey, can I review? I need to review. Thank you. I need to review the. Everyone's top artists and. And pick some.

[Tommy]

Go and do that. Yeah.

[Shane]

Trying to remember what yours were.

[Tommy]

That was so hard because it's like, oh, I listened to, like, a million things. It was Sophie's number one, Caroline Polachek. Oh, and Jay Paul.

[Shane]

Jay Paul.

[Tommy]

Oh, you're gonna have fun with Jay Paul's leaked album.

[Shane]

Leaked album.

[Tommy]

Yeah. So he basically. I'll do it really quick. He had an album he was working on as his debut album. Someone stole his computer and leaked everything. And so half the tracks are, like, unfinished and halfway done, but there's like, a raw energy to it. That's really cool.

[Shane]

Awesome.

[Amanda]

He probably was mortified.

[Tommy]

Yeah. No, he didn't stop his career for, like, 10 years. He finally came back.

[Shane]

10 years.

[Tommy]

He finally came back with new tracks, like, three hours ago.

[Shane]

What?

[Tommy]

Three sucks. Yeah.

[Shane]

Holy. This happened recently?

[Tommy]

No, no, no. He's got a cool lore to him.

[Shane]

That's dope.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So he's returning now.

[Tommy]

Yeah, well, he opened a music institute with his brother that, like, helps other musicians and stuff. So, like, he did something with his life, but he's back now. He just played at.

[Shane]

Spent 10 years. He just did Coachella.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

He spent 10 years tracking down the guy who stole his computer.

[Amanda]

That's a revenge story that I bought.

[Shane]

Okay, well, thank you, guys. I just wanted to give a little update on that.

[Amanda]

I'm so glad.

[Shane]

My foray into music.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Shane]

Which is apparently pretty good.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Now let's get into back in the world of dating. Dating advice. So we reached out a while ago. We got a bunch of questions from our followers and listeners. Couple takeaways. Right off the bat, a lot of people mentioned wanting a queer perspective on this. Luckily, Tommy, we had already cast you on this before.

[Amanda]

I'm like, no, you were only cast.

[Shane]

No, we already had. But we did get a bunch of questions from people from lgbtq and they were like, hey, maybe you should have someone else other than just Amanda and Shane. It's like, okay, don't worry.

[Amanda]

Correct. Well, our last dating episode, we had chance, and it was so eye opening for all three of us because all three of us were dating different types of styles.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And it was so interesting. I think we enjoyed talking about dating, but it was so cool that we got to open up the forum and have you guys ask us these questions.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. And then a lot of people. And I wasn't surprised by this just because of. I feel like the world at large nowadays. But a lot of people have said, like, they're just. They have no dating life. So seeing that, I'm like, hey, it's really common. So if you're one of those people, don't feel bad.

[Amanda]

Super common.

[Shane]

And also, like, I'd say an overarching advice I'd have from this from the top is like, your identity is not your dating life.

[Amanda]

Agree.

[Shane]

You know, that's not your worth.

[Amanda]

Like, get into things that make you happy. Get into hobbies, get into things that you enjoy. And that's more important, I think, than having a partner. Because when you have a partner, it's not like, let's go sailing. It's like, yeah, it's like they put a mirror up to you and they go, you said this. And you're like, that sounds what it.

[Tommy]

And that's exactly what it is.

[Amanda]

You said this.

[Tommy]

And you're like, you said this. You look like this. You made me feel like that. And you're like, oh, I'm a monster.

[Amanda]

I don't know myself at all. I'm going to go travel the world. Goodbye.

[Tommy]

Let's go sailing.

[Amanda]

That's when you're sailing by yourself.

[Tommy]

Just you.

[Amanda]

By yourself.

[Shane]

It's. Yeah. All right, are we ready for this first?

[Tommy]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Shane]

Okay, here we go. Our first question we got is from YIF Master 29. I know I shouldn't get down in the dumps and feel like I'm too old to start dating, but how do I get past my social Anxiety and put myself out there. Ooh, this is a tough one. It's one I've many times in my life I've related to. I have felt this way as well. I feel like, first off, it is hard.

[Tommy]

It's really hard.

[Shane]

And there's been a lot of talk about, like, the lack of third places nowadays.

[Amanda]

Third place.

[Shane]

Third places. Like, not your home, not work, but, like, where can you go where you don't have to spend money?

[Amanda]

Especially if you don't drink too. There's a lot of bars. I will say you're never too old.

[Tommy]

Yeah. There's some old men starting some new relationships, right?

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Golden Bachelor.

[Amanda]

Absolutely. Golden Bachelor. You know, I just feel like you're never too old. But I can understand the social anxiety, especially now since people don't really meet face to face anymore. It's really, really hard.

[Tommy]

And here's a negative little tidbit you can hold onto if you're comparing yourself. Don't do that. Obviously, everyone has their own track and their own path. But it's like, if you're seeing a younger couple, it's like, are they gonna stay together? They're gonna have to start over also. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Like, try not to compare yourself to a younger. I will say getting past your anxiety. I will say you can't do it on your own. Like, if you have a community, if you have kids or if you have siblings or you have friends, have them help you. Because my dad was single for a while and me and my sister put him on a dating app.

[Tommy]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

We straight up. And he was like, I don't want that girl. So we were like, we're gonna put you on a dating app and it's gonna happen. It was so hard to find a good picture of him, though, because every picture was him in front of a plate of food with his thumbs up. This was really hard.

[Shane]

That's a man who loves food.

[Amanda]

It was really hard. So we found some good photos. And my God, my dad's online dating blew up and he was like 60 something and he's like, girls, there's a lot of women who just wanna talk. And I'm like, that's great, dad. Yeah. And I think that you have to get uncomfortable, like, and I do think it's really good for you because he was just going through his routine all the time. And I think once you get older, it's like, use your community to help you meet people.

[Tommy]

Right?

[Amanda]

And I don't say just, like, have friends create an online profile without you looking. Not like what I did. But use friends or community or just go out and kind of push yourself to go to those little like uncomfortable places.

[Tommy]

Yeah. And with the uncomfortable thing, it's like the first time you make yourself uncomfortable to try something new. That's not the time you're gonna meet someone. You have to continuously push against that uncomfortability and then you're gonna be more.

[Shane]

Open and stuff, you know, more opportunities you give yourself. I think also for me, my advice is like, you're talking about getting past your social anxiety. I felt that way a lot too. And the answer is that maybe you won't get past your social anxiety. You're sitting there at home in your head, trying to be like, okay, how do I get out of my head? It's like you're going to sit there and try to solve that problem forever and you're going to try to solve it by thinking.

[Tommy]

And that's in your head.

[Shane]

You're never going to. That's never going to happen. You go out there and you put yourself out there despite your social anxiety with it and you can't help it. So you might as well just go out there and immersing yourself is going to help. That will help.

[Amanda]

Yeah. I also think being honest, like people don't just say honestly what they feel like. You could go out there and meet someone and be like, this is scary. Like meeting people right now is scary. I think just being honest and genuine about where you're at is great.

[Shane]

And more people relate to you than you realize. Cause most people nowadays have social anxiety, which we all just went through what we all went through for several years. We've all gotten a little more accustomed to just being inside. So you're not alone and you just gotta go out there, you gotta do it. I found for me. Cause it's also like when you say, well, you gotta get out there. It's like, what does that look like? For me, what helps is when I stop focusing on dating and I focus more on, I'm going to be a really good friend to my friends and I'm going to really connect with them.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Because then you're strengthening your network and you don't even think of it that way. Try to try as best you can to not think about that stuff, but be like, I'm going to try to make more plans with my friends and do more things. Or I have this hobby. How do I get out in the world with this hobby? It's like, you might enjoy reading. Well, go to a reading club and it may not be that you meet someone at that reading club, but the more people that you're meeting and connecting with, the more likely you are to meet more people.

[Amanda]

Expand your community.

[Shane]

Focus on that. Don't worry about finding that person. Just focus on people in your life and know that it will maybe come along. Agreed.

[Amanda]

That's a good one.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's a great start. Move on to our next one here.

[Tommy]

Let's do it.

[Shane]

Puzzle headed. Puzzle headed. Bit 585 asks.

[Tommy]

Great name.

[Shane]

Yeah. Oh, wait, sorry, I skipped over one. This One comes from Artin2016. Do either of you have tips or advice on how to meet people in person? I've tried the apps and I've had no luck.

[Amanda]

Kind of feel like you touched on that.

[Shane]

I feel like that we just kind of did. I think it's the same thing.

[Amanda]

Go take classes that you like. I don't know, pottery classes, sports, paint classes. I feel like going to bars feels like, yeah, go to a bar. But not everyone drinks and not every that. I feel like that is even more. That's scarier.

[Shane]

Yeah. Sometimes feel super scary. I never did that. Did you guys. Did you guys ever, like, try that? Like, going someplace kind of in the back of your head with the hope of meeting someone? Or is. Was there any place that you did go that you met people? Because I never felt like I had much luck.

[Tommy]

I definitely met and dated a bartender, so that doesn't count.

[Amanda]

Same, but same.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I think relating to what we were talking about, like, if you go to these places, you can't just go and expect something to happen. You know, you can go because you want to go because you want to go, not because you're trying to find someone. You know, like, your joy is what people are attracted to. So it's like, go to a class for you.

[Amanda]

Exactly. And also, I will say it's kind of a lot of pressure if you're going to meet someone, because we can feel it.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Like, okay, this guy's ready to meet someone, right? He comes over, he's like, hello. And you're like, oh, where are we going?

[Shane]

Honestly, one of the biggest issues I feel like for. For straight dudes is, is that that they're. So you become predatory because you are literally being a predator. You are seeking something out so much that. That it's gonna push everyone away. I know. I said. I know. I said in the last dating. Dating episode that I was like, hey, loving yourself is a love life. And I'm Like, I think that's actually what you need to do when you're single, and that is actually the key, because people who are just living their own life and interested in what they're interested in are the most interesting people.

[Tommy]

Exactly. And the most attractive.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Tommy]

Regardless of what your physical form is.

[Amanda]

You want someone that is like, all right, they go out and they care about themselves and they think about themselves, and they work on themselves. I don't want someone who's like, oh, my God, thank God I found you. You're gonna get me to that place.

[Tommy]

And you're like, oh, too much responsibility.

[Amanda]

Also, karaoke.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Tommy]

Karaoke is a good.

[Amanda]

So I met my husband.

[Tommy]

Wow.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

He came up to me and asked me out, and I was like, no, definitely not. I was like, I appreciate you writing your phone number down on a napkin. That is a adorable. Oh. And I kept it. I kept it for, like, two years. We were dating, and I found it in my car, and I was like, oh, I found your thing. He's like, so you did want to go on a date with me? I was like, yes. But I just wasn't, like, I wasn't ready. Yeah, I could feel. I could tell. I was like, oh, he's serious. He's like a serious person.

[Tommy]

Can I ask how he. Like. Like, what was his vibe when he came up? Like, he wasn't predatory.

[Shane]

He came up.

[Amanda]

He was like, you have a beautiful voice. You. You sing so well. I'd really like to talk to you sometime and take you out if you'd like. Here's my number. And then he left and went with his friends.

[Shane]

That's a good.

[Amanda]

And he had his friends, and his friends were, like, having a blast. And then I said, no. And he was like, okay, no worries. Like, not a big deal. And then the next time I saw him, I'm doing a terrible accent of him, by the way. And then the next time I saw him was a month ago. Your advice is a.

[Shane]

So go.

[Amanda]

Yes. Russian. Hello. Good advice. You sing a well. Yes.

[Shane]

And you're doing the numa Numa.

[Amanda]

I'm doing, like, Italian. But the next month, he came by, and I saw him, and he was like, hello. And I was like, hey. And he didn't. He wasn't like. So he wasn't mad or anything. He was like, hello. Hi. Just so you're back here. I was like, yep. And he was like, cool. Ever. Ever. Still want to go out and hang out? We can get ice cream. You said that? No, he said that.

[Shane]

He said we could get ice cream.

[Amanda]

He was like, do you want to get ice cream maybe sometime? And I thought that was the cutest thing ever. And I didn't feel pressure at all. And I said, sure. So we got ice cream on Easter.

[Tommy]

That's so cute now.

[Shane]

Okay. There you go.

[Tommy]

See, it sounds like he was rolling a ball to you instead of pitching.

[Amanda]

He was.

[Tommy]

That's a ball.

[Amanda]

He put the ball in my court. Like, I didn't feel like if I said no to him, he was gonna get mad at me. And also, just because I said no to him the next time I saw him. It's not like he held a grudge.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Amanda]

At all. Like, he was just like, hey, what's up? Like, it was like, I didn't owe him anything. I think a lot of people feel rejected sometimes, but what they don't realize is that the girl or the guy or anyone is going through their own thing at the same time. So it's not. It's not always a rejection of you. It's a rejection of timing the place, how they feel in that moment. Yeah.

[Tommy]

Maybe they're having a bad week.

[Amanda]

Exactly. Like, I said no to him. And thank God that he was like, okay, all right.

[Tommy]

Maybe now you're married and have eight kids.

[Amanda]

Yeah. 50 little kids running around. Little angels. And we take them to karaoke and we get ice cream.

[Shane]

I think the rolling the ball to you thing, though, is pretty. Like, it's a good description, because I think what a lot of dudes don't do well is they don't make the other person feel safe. And that's, like, a big key if you're trying to, like, talk to someone new. It was always my biggest fear is I was just like, I don't want to make them feel. And so I just didn't talk to them. But I think he did it in a great way. Yeah, it's like, hey, I'm. I'm giving. I'm letting you know something, and I'm gonna walk away.

[Amanda]

He was very.

[Shane]

Your decision.

[Amanda]

He was very confident in himself, and that was already a plus. And also, I felt like his life would go on and he would grow and live without me. And that was a big plus for me. I was like, if I said no to him again, he'd be like, all right, have a great night. I desperately wanted someone who was independent of me. I don't wanna be. Some people love that. I personally get very scared of being one person, so. So I enjoyed that. He was like, balls in your court. I won't Be mad either way. I'm still going to live a life and grow and build this version of myself.

[Shane]

Cause if you're living your own life, you're not desperate.

[Tommy]

Yep.

[Amanda]

Yeah. So I think people sit inside and they gear themselves up to go out and ask people out. And then when they do, I think all that energy comes out at once and the other person doesn't feel safe. No, not that. The fact that we think you're gonna murder us right away.

[Tommy]

I mean, it's just a lot of energy.

[Amanda]

It's just a lot of pressure. It's a lot of pressure.

[Shane]

Yeah. You want it to be easygoing. You want it to be fun?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Shane]

All right, next question.

[Amanda]

You wanna like be friends? You don't wanna be like, hold on, I don't even know you, man.

[Shane]

You are friends on those first couple dates. Yeah, that's ultimately.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Puzzle headed bit585 asks when is a good time to fart for the first time in front of someone you're dating? If you're like me. I don't really. I don't really. Which is probably surprising considering my personality where I don't. In relationships.

[Amanda]

Nasty guy.

[Shane]

Really fart?

[Amanda]

Why?

[Tommy]

Yeah, you know.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

I don't know. I don't.

[Tommy]

Interesting. What if I just let you suck it back in?

[Shane]

What if I just let one rip right now?

[Tommy]

I'd feel comfortable with it.

[Amanda]

I would be shocked.

[Shane]

I don't know if I suck it back in. Suck it back in.

[Amanda]

That's not healthy, Shane.

[Shane]

I don't think I do that. I think I'm just like. I'm just gonna be a little more stealthy about it.

[Amanda]

If you have to fart on a date.

[Shane]

I'm not going to.

[Amanda]

Where are you going to go?

[Shane]

First few dates. No, absolutely not.

[Amanda]

What if you can't?

[Shane]

I will. I will say. And I've probably gotten better about it. I don't know. I. I used to be. There'd be times where I'd be in pain right back, oh, no, gotta. Can't let this out. And then you get in the car after that date and it's just like. Remember that Your car's like.

[Tommy]

You look like Violet from Willy Wonka.

[Amanda]

You're like Violet. Okay, remember that commercial from like the 80s where the guy picks up the girl?

[Shane]

Do we remember the commercial from the.

[Amanda]

80S or the 90s? Wait, guys, come on. It's a well known commercial where the guy picks up the girl from the date and goes, hey. And she goes, I'm so excited. He goes, yeah. And he puts her in the car. And then he's walking around the car and she looks around, she's like. And she lets out a huge part in the car. And then the guy gets in and goes, woo, woo. He goes, have you met Janet and Mark? And they're in the backseat and they go, yeah, we met.

[Shane]

She's like, I have seen that commercial.

[Tommy]

Oh my God.

[Shane]

It's a good one. It's a good one.

[Amanda]

Anyways, sometimes I have to go off on that.

[Tommy]

No, I don't.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

What about you, Ty?

[Shane]

You guys have timelines.

[Tommy]

Fart timelines.

[Shane]

Fart timelines.

[Tommy]

I don't know. It's kind of like a. Feel it when it's right kind of a thing. I feel like there's a level of comfortability that you like, you kinda, you know, it's like, okay, like you piss and you shit at their apartment. Great. You get through that, like, level. Then it's like, oh, I'm changing into like more comfortable clothes. Or it's like I took off my pants and now we're hanging out in like pajama style, right? It's like, okay, we've got done that. And so it's like you've kind of. It's like once you're kind of like blanketed up and you're like watching a thing and it's like you've had a few bits and you're feeling good and then, you know, you get a little puffy in the downstairs. You gotta let it loose. You go a little poof, poof, down into the, into the couch. If they smell it, the conversation begins. If they don't, we start testing the limits.

[Amanda]

I'm so glad we have a queer perspective.

[Shane]

Are you guys though, like, in your idealistic relationship, are you the type, like, eventually you want to have the toilet or the bathroom door open and like, be letting them rip all the time.

[Tommy]

Weirdly, I don't want to see my partner. Well, I don't care. It's just like, that's not what I want. But I. I do want them to like, just rip a huge one in front of me. And me be like, fuck, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, that's what I want. Cause that's how I was raised.

[Amanda]

Yeah, that's how I was raised too. I don't want like the door open, just ripping it.

[Tommy]

Yeah, that's a little too.

[Shane]

Some people are like, yeah, leave the bathroom door open while you're taking it.

[Amanda]

Here's the thing. We leave the bathroom door open just because the door Sometimes gets locked. And we get locked in. Here's the thing. I think farting in front of each other is the ultimate way to be like, all right, we're in. I could not imagine being married to someone that I couldn't fart in front of just because. Just because you're human. You're human.

[Tommy]

You're an animal.

[Amanda]

But here's the difference. I don't think. I don't think it's cute when a guy's like, hey, babe, watch out.

[Tommy]

See, I'm like, aruga.

[Shane]

Happy Valentine's Day, babe.

[Amanda]

And then they just fart on your head. And then Dutch oven you. Like, I don't want that. But I. I was telling you that I love, like, that fucking thing going around on Instagram. Guess the fart. I think that shit is so.

[Tommy]

Oh, that's what. See, that's what I mean.

[Amanda]

Partner's farting. I think it's so funny. And you know what? I think it's great. Yeah. It's like a. And it's fine if you don't like it. I get it. Listen, I get it. I think it's fine if you don't like it. But I just. I am. And I couldn't imagine.

[Shane]

Yeah, you want to be able to.

[Amanda]

So are you ever going to, like.

[Shane]

Like, I think I, I. I think I could, like, I could be like, okay. I would be okay doing it, but I'm not going to be, like, openly, like. Yeah, like, not that kind of.

[Tommy]

I want to say that's not exactly where. That's not my goal, but I'm fine with that.

[Shane]

I am a person, like, in relationships. Door shut for the bathroom.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

If, like, that's. I lived. I've lived alone for a lot of periods of my life, and I keep the door shut even then.

[Tommy]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

I like privacy.

[Tommy]

I close my own bathroom when I'm not me.

[Amanda]

I never had privacy growing up. Ever see nothing. I had sisters coming in and out now to this day.

[Shane]

But that didn't make you want privacy if we're going.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I wanted privacy, but I. I don't know. Like, I'm just so sure. I think it feels more comfortable. Yeah. I don't know. Like, even when I. My sisters, when we were older, like, if we go to a restaurant, we'll both be like, we'll use the bathroom together. I don't know. Like, it's just.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Wow. All right.

[Amanda]

All the time. And then sometimes I'll be like, hey, do you want to come in the bathroom thing with a friend? And they're like, no, no, I don't need to do that.

[Shane]

And I'm like, okay, I got a big one brewing. It's gonna be crazy.

[Tommy]

You want me on this?

[Shane]

I just want someone to witness.

[Amanda]

Not that they're coming in. I'm taking a dump.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Tommy]

Check my log.

[Shane]

Okay, let's move on to the next one.

[Amanda]

Jesus. Good question, though.

[Shane]

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[Amanda]

Oh, it is awesome. I made a meal. It was spicy maple chicken, sweet potatoes, and green beans.

[Shane]

Ooh.

[Amanda]

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[Shane]

Oh, that's what I need. That's what I need. I like convenience, and it sounds convenient.

[Amanda]

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[Shane]

That's pretty good.

[Amanda]

Let's do it.

[Shane]

All right, back to the show.

[Amanda]

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[Shane]

I know that's probably the case for me. I'm really forgetful, and I have stuff from probably years ago that I'm not using. I need it. I need it.

[Amanda]

You do, because it, like, hooks up to your bank and then it goes through everything and sees how much you're spending, and it helps you with your budget. Crazy.

[Shane]

Yeah. That's impressive.

[Amanda]

Mm. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills.

[Shane]

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[Amanda]

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[Shane]

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[Amanda]

Let's do it.

[Shane]

Okay, this one's a little different. Okay. Princess Danielle 143.

[Amanda]

Your Highness, which means I love you.

[Shane]

Asks, how do I get over someone when you have to see them every day? It's a co worker.

[Amanda]

This is juicy.

[Shane]

That's a juicy question. That's a tough one.

[Amanda]

I feel like a lot of people experience this.

[Shane]

Ooh, how do you get over someone? So they've either already expressed interest, or they know they can't be with them or they don't want to do this. There's a lot of reasons in a workplace why it may not be right.

[Amanda]

Oh, boy.

[Shane]

How do you get over someone? Is a really good question.

[Amanda]

Right. I feel like there's a few ways. Like, I think the co worker has to do something that really makes you feel, like, ugh, like, f you, dude. And then you can start to, like, get over them in your mind.

[Shane]

Cancel them in your mind.

[Tommy]

You mean that stage of, like, a breakup or something where it's like, you're mad, and so it's like, oh, now I'm free. Cause I'm mad at you. There's no, like, sorrow.

[Amanda]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Tommy]

Is that what you're going for?

[Amanda]

No, I'm thinking, like, if you want to get over them but you can't, and you see them every day.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Amanda]

I don't know.

[Tommy]

Find a way to get annoyed by them.

[Amanda]

Find a way to get annoyed by them. Find an ick.

[Shane]

There you go.

[Amanda]

That sounds like maybe not the healthiest.

[Shane]

Way, but there's something to be said just about acceptance of, like, you know, just like, this isn't gonna work. This isn't gonna happen. And reminding yourself of that and being like, okay, there's so much more in life than this.

[Amanda]

But I think it's hard when it's your co worker.

[Shane]

It is tough when you see him every day.

[Tommy]

And it depends on what the split was. Cause if it was just like a I guess we're not a good match kind of a thing, then there's like this. Oh, every time you, like, see them, you know?

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Tommy]

Get another job. As if it's that easy.

[Amanda]

That's what I was saying. What if the split was on them? What if they were like, I can't do this anymore. And you were like, wait, what? And then you had to see them every day?

[Shane]

That's the danger of dating a coworker. I mean, you know, but. But also, I'm. I'm assuming this could also be someone who just as simply has a crush on their co worker and they. Maybe it's been going on for months or a year or years and they just can't.

[Amanda]

Like, so how do they get over it?

[Shane]

And I think people deal with this a lot in high school and stuff. But you graduate eventually.

[Amanda]

I think high level. If it's really intense. I think it is. Leave your job, get a different job, move forward.

[Shane]

I mean, that's hard though.

[Amanda]

Transfer.

[Tommy]

Yeah, but if possible.

[Amanda]

Yeah, if possible. But there's gotta be other ways.

[Tommy]

Just find another person.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Find another coworker that you have a crush on.

[Tommy]

Not another coworker.

[Amanda]

I'm just kidding. Find another person outside of your job that you have a crush on. Also, I know it's tempting to date people at your job, but it is so hard. It's so, so hard. Yeah, but sometimes it's unavoidable.

[Shane]

It's a dangerous game. Yeah, it's a dangerous game, but it's also dangerous. I feel like when you're dating, like someone in your friend group, stuff like that. Like, things that. But also dating. Dating just comes with stakes. But yeah, relationships and dating comes with stakes.

[Amanda]

Friend group.

[Shane]

I almost sometimes feel like dating within a friend group is more high stakes than dating a co worker.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Tommy]

Right. Because it's at work. There's rules.

[Shane]

And at work it's like, okay, didn't work out. It's like, I'll just do my job. Right. Most places I feel like you could just be like, well, we'll just do our job.

[Amanda]

Can you move your, like, desk? Can you figure out a way.

[Shane]

Why are you moving? Cause I love you. I don't know. I mean, just getting over someone's heart.

[Amanda]

That'S a really hard one.

[Shane]

Getting over someone's hard. Truly. Like, that's one of those situations where I'm like, talk about it with a therapist. Or, like, talk about it with a therapist. Talk about it with friends. Talk about it with someone.

[Tommy]

Just talk about it.

[Shane]

Talk about it.

[Amanda]

Also, I will say time. Time does heal all. Yeah, Heal Just all. Some. Mm.

[Shane]

Do you wanna move on? Sure.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I don't know what else to say on that.

[Tommy]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Amanda]

You had a hard time.

[Shane]

Stardew Simp asks, what, in your opinion, is the best place to take someone on a first date? Something where you can. Somewhere where you can talk. Some activity you both enjoy doing. It's tough out there, man.

[Tommy]

Ooh, I have the Answer go time.

[Shane]

What is it?

[Tommy]

Listen up. Here's the answer. Find yourself a museum. Whether it's an art museum or a history museum or a weird museum, whatever, or an aquarium or a zoo. A place where you can walk around and move around, look at something and talk about something. Now you have something to talk about that can start conversations about other things. And then there's an activity that you're doing, which is moving through a space. And then that activity ends. Then you're done, you've done the museum, it's over. You can go, bye, bye. Or you can, you know, keep going. Find a second museum.

[Amanda]

That is literally genius. I actually think that that is genius. Cause I was gonna say walking, maybe with, like, a beverage, like a coffee, maybe not. Maybe not like a bar, like walking with a beverage. And it's either like walking in a museum or outside. The only thing is outside, gotta walk back, Gotta walk back. And sometimes it gets a little quiet and you don't have things to look at. And you are so right about the museum. Cause it ends.

[Tommy]

It ends. You're done. You run out.

[Amanda]

You're so right. Whereas walking, you'd be like, you wanna keep going down that hill? And you're like, actually, no, I gotta walk the hour back to my car.

[Tommy]

Right?

[Amanda]

So I think that's brilliant, Tommy.

[Tommy]

Thank you. Hey, thanks.

[Shane]

I've done art museums before. Some art museums are bigger than I realized. And when you get there, I'm like, damn, this is forever. But it is true. I still, for me, feel like just something super small for the first date, like a coffee date. Just so it's such an easy out that. Cause you're right, it does end. But there's still like a little bit of.

[Tommy]

There's a little bit of a lift to get to.

[Shane]

And. Whereas coffee, it's like we're just talking. And now it depends on what kind of first date. If it's someone I know well enough, like, I've hung out, like, in friend groups, like it's. Or something. Like, if it's someone I'm a little bit more familiar with, get dinner, then I would maybe do the art museum or a zoo or something. But if it's a complete stranger, like I saw this person at a party or I met him at a bar, then I would maybe say, hey, you want to get coffee? Or like, like, like. Or like ice cream. Just something quick. Something like, hey, public place, Public. And this. We're just sitting down here where other people are at. We're just gonna talk. We're Just gonna gauge if we're actually down. And then second date, or more like, that's the prequel to the actual first date, where we then, mind you, when.

[Amanda]

I got ice cream, I had work that day, so I had, like, two hours. So I had somewhere to be.

[Tommy]

Right?

[Shane]

It's kind of nice.

[Amanda]

Which was actually really, really nice. Cause it was like, I had two hours to be.

[Shane]

And then there's also something. Would that be a good thing for. Cause I feel like for men who are dating women, I feel like a worry that I always had or have is making them feel like I don't wanna make anyone feel creeped out or nervous or whatever. And I think a lot of dudes have that fear. And I almost wonder if it's a smart tactic for men to give that time limit of like, hey, we can meet up here. I have to go somewhere after.

[Amanda]

I don't know. That feels. Then it's like, great. There's no pressure. So I would say that I understand men trying to make women feel safe, but I also think that men or women, or men and men. Women and women. Like, I also feel like there's, like, a fun edge to be. Like, if the chemistry's there, then you don't have to push that hard to make me try to feel safe. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, if the edge is there, if you're a little. If you're too worried and polite, then I'm like, then I'm worried. So I think that if it's like, I have somewhere to go forward, but I can meet you. It feels like you're not even, like, super interested. And this is just me speaking from, like, a guy to Amanda. But I think if you're like, hey, want to meet up at this place? And if it's daytime, then I kind of get a better gist of who you are. If it's daytime, then I'm getting a gist that you are more interested in me. If it's like, nighttime, 9 o'clock at a bar, then I'm like, okay, sure. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, time of the day also matters. And I think I will always feel safe in the day. Really? So you don't even have to do too much legwork if it's coffee daytime.

[Tommy]

Cause during the day, that's usually like, you wouldn't have done this had it not been for this date. Is more the vibe where it's like, if it's at a bar, then it's like, would you have just been Here, anyway.

[Amanda]

Correct.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Amanda]

Or like, do you know the bartenders? I don't know.

[Tommy]

Right. Yeah. I think for boy dating Tommy, the. I have. I'd love to go this and that with you and I have somewhere to be at that point, I'd be like, great. I don't think that would faze me at all. Just from my own history and stuff. I would just be like, at least he wants to go out with me.

[Shane]

I think if it was prefaced, if it was, this is if someone asked me out or if I'm asking someone out. So I'm letting them know I'm interested by asking them out. And then I'm like, hey, there's this day. We could go meet up for coffee. I'm gonna have to go somewhere after this, but that's cool. That's what I'm saying. Just. Just to, like, ease that pressure off.

[Amanda]

Yeah. I think if it was like, hey, I want to meet you here. And then the day of, it's like, just, heads up, I have to leave it for.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Tommy]

Not on the day.

[Shane]

No, not on the day. Not on the day, Amanda. Not on the day.

[Amanda]

Tricky. Also, also, I will say, if the first date doesn't go well and you still want to see them, that's okay too. Like, I just think the first few dates can be awkward. Can be a little bit. But I think as long as you have that feeling of like, I do wanna see you again, then no matter what happened, the date went well.

[Shane]

And I think you go in it with the mindset of, like, we're just hanging out. Like, this is like a friend. Like, I do think you have that mindset.

[Amanda]

Yeah, you have to get. You have to, like, just wanna get to know them.

[Shane]

Yeah. You're just hanging out. Okay, next question here. This comes from binfj. There is so much toxicity among men in the dating world. What's some advice you have for confronting male friends who are acting toxic in their dating lives in a way that won't just make them angry, sending them deeper into toxicity. Brutal. Yeah, I mean, I, you know, I. I see a lot of this stuff on social media and everything. The manosphere is pretty crazy nowadays and straight dudes are getting served so much bullshit. We always have, though. Like, I remember as a teenager the stuff that I would be told by other men of, like, what to do in the dating world. I realize you look back and you're like, that was so friggin out of this world. Stupid. I mean, I was a teenager when the pickup artist was on VH1. Oh, my God. And I mean, that's the type of stuff you get served. And you're like, this is what you should do. And it's all. And I. I realized at a certain point is so many of us are complaining about dating not working out, and the only dating advice we're getting is from other men. And it's like, no wonder it's not working, man. Like, you were not listening to the people that we want to date.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That. Like, what do they. What are they saying?

[Amanda]

Go talk to them.

[Shane]

But then we're told, like, these manosphere people that are, like, don't listen to them. Like, whatever. It's like. But it's so funny. Cause it wasn't a term that I'd heard until a couple years ago, but, like, the female gaze. And it's so interesting about, like, what men think men should be to be attractive versus what women actually are attracted to.

[Amanda]

I think it goes the other way, too. I think there's toxicity within women, too, of, like, what they think a man wants. So then those toxic women date those toxic men, and then.

[Shane]

But then those toxic men use those toxic women as an example of, like, this is what women want.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

This is what they're saying they want.

[Amanda]

This is what they did to fuck me over.

[Shane]

Completely ignoring the majority.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

And then in the gay world, you have male gays versus male gays. Men knowing what they want to be attractive. And then they're both right about that. And it's bad. It's not okay. Because we're just going bop, bop, bop, bop in like a echo chamber. So it's all. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Anyway, how do you fix that? You just.

[Tommy]

I don't.

[Amanda]

Hey.

[Tommy]

Well, I haven't found the answer yet, Amanda.

[Amanda]

It's the secret.

[Shane]

But my list, and this is someone asking, how do they talk to one of their male friend Sometimes it might be a bit of a lost cause. I mean, truly, I don't.

[Amanda]

I do agree.

[Shane]

Some people are so locked in. And that goes beyond dating. Just nowadays with the Internet, some people have just bought in to things.

[Amanda]

I agree.

[Shane]

Can't get them out. But I would say to any dudes listening, be very careful of what you're hearing online. I know there's a lot of irony in that. You are hearing what I'm saying online. But when you're on TikTok, when you're on Twitter, you're hearing these dudes telling you about the dating world, they are trying to sell you something.

[Amanda]

Yep.

[Shane]

They want you to be their follower. So that they can. They are. They are using you, man. There's always some sort of catch and they're feeding you bullshit.

[Amanda]

Also, don't listen. Like, if you are a man wanting to date a woman, or vice versa, or a man dating a man, listen to the group of people that you want to be dating.

[Shane]

It's very true.

[Amanda]

And there's not a lot of women or men who will speak their mind, but the ones that do are the ones that you want to be listening to. If a dude is trying to sell you, another dude, you gotta do this for a woman. You gotta get fit. You gotta get. It's just bullshit.

[Shane]

I also had a realization recently of that, you know, men are. Men obviously objectify women a ton, but they also objectify themselves a ton to you. And when you make that realization of how much you're making this dating world thing, just this bullshit game that has no meaning anymore and there's no humanity to it, you are fucked. And then you start complaining about it. It's like, well, it's impossible and you're blaming the wrong people. There is so much that's your mindset, and maybe it is gonna be hard no matter what. But you are unhappy not because you're not having success in the dating world. You're unhappy because you hate yourself, because you've told yourself, because you're not having luck that you're worthless. You have to let it all go.

[Tommy]

Went down the wrong hallway. None of the doors are gonna open. Go to the other hallway.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Knock on the good doors.

[Amanda]

I love that.

[Shane]

Walk away from it entirely is my advice. If a dude is saying like, well, I'm feeling miserable because it's like, well, then leave it alone for a while.

[Amanda]

I also think that if you have a toxic male friend and you want to try to give them advice, see if they really want your advice.

[Tommy]

True.

[Amanda]

And also if they really want to get out of their comfort zone and learn how to truly be happy and learn about, you know, their. The potential partner that they want. Because some of them just. Some of them aren't even ready. And then it's truly a lost cause. But if you feel like they are, then I would say approach them with like, they've never heard what you're ever gonna say, ever.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

What are you gonna say to me?

[Tommy]

I don't remember.

[Shane]

But it's also a.

[Tommy]

It was actually that I think that you can't give someone advice unless they want it.

[Amanda]

Correct.

[Shane]

And also, you know, if they're the certain kind of toxic. I'm thinking if they also just don't respect you as a person and a friend, I mean, you start to question if they're worth having around.

[Tommy]

You know, screw the topic. It's like, that's not a good friend.

[Shane]

Yeah, exactly.

[Amanda]

Maybe it's. Maybe it's their brother. And if it's their brother, well, good luck.

[Tommy]

Oh, got it.

[Amanda]

No. What?

[Tommy]

No, I got confused. I'm dumb. Amanda. No, I'm dumb. Keep going.

[Shane]

All right, here's our next question. Diddy K2810 asks, How do you actually deal with catching feelings for a friend? Should you tell them as soon as possible or wait to see if the feelings are mutual?

[Amanda]

Do not tell them as soon as possible.

[Shane]

No, I would talk to another one of your friends. I would try to. If you have another trusted friend, maybe outside of the friend group, but definitely get a second opinion.

[Amanda]

Yeah. I would say talking within the friend group can get a little dicey because you don't know the friend that you're talking to. Because some friends get worried that the friend group is gonna break up because of potential crush.

[Tommy]

Or they'll tell the person.

[Amanda]

Or they'll tell the person. And you don't want that.

[Tommy]

No.

[Amanda]

I mean, maybe you wanted that in high school. Cause that was fun, but you don't want that. And. Yeah, that's.

[Shane]

And that's the news.

[Amanda]

I just went down a high school memory.

[Shane]

Yeah. I think getting an outside perspective is probably the best thing. Cause that's someone who knows you.

[Amanda]

Also waiting. You know, feelings are mutual. How do you know if feelings are mutual?

[Shane]

I feel like you have to ask.

[Amanda]

I do feel like, though, you know, when a parent or someone watches and goes, you and your best friend should just get married. And you're like, what? Ew. Wait, what? Yeah, because you're, like, all over each other. Your chemistry is crazy. But I think it gets tricky with age, too. Like, I have a lot of friends that people are like, oh, my God, you guys are together. And we're like, no, we're just best friends.

[Tommy]

No, we're just hanging out.

[Amanda]

What are you talking about? And sometimes I feel like people get that mixed up. And so, I don't know. I think it's tricky. I think best friends, you really care about them. They can feel like family. But sometimes that can get tricky. It's like, wait a second.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Your brain can't decipher what kind of love it is.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Shane]

Yeah, it is tricky. And you have to really decide, too, of, like, okay, even if the feelings are mutual, like, is this worth the risk.

[Amanda]

Exactly.

[Shane]

Or is the friendship more valuable?

[Tommy]

And usually that's the only way to find out is take the risk. Couldn't agree more. You might lose this friend as a friend.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I couldn't agree more.

[Tommy]

But if the feelings are so strong that it's getting in the way of being a friend to this person, you.

[Amanda]

Don'T know how to act around them.

[Tommy]

Right. Then you need to bring it up because that's already weird.

[Shane]

Right.

[Amanda]

And other friends in the friend group are gonna react in a way that's like, don't do this, don't.

[Shane]

I've had friend groups. Yeah. Have, have issues because of two people started dating and like, you know, at this age, like years later, I don't judge either of them. I'm like, yeah, it's. We're being people.

[Amanda]

Sometimes you just have to take the risk. Exactly. Like Tommy said, to see if it's even gonna work.

[Shane]

Right.

[Tommy]

Yeah. There's so much at least like in a younger version of me. And like younger people, there's all of this, like, my friends, my friends. And it's like, okay, you know how many friends you're gonna have? You know how many friend groups you're gonna morph and shift and pocket into? It's like, yes, friends are precious and friends can be family and all of that stuff. That's not. I'm not saying that. That's not true.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

It's also like, you know, you'll make more friends. You'll make more friends if you lose this friend. It'll hurt. You might cry. It might take three years, 10 years, whatever. There will be other friends coming to you during that time that you can build a relationship with in a friend way.

[Amanda]

Yes, exactly. That's what it's all about. That's like living. You have to take these risks and.

[Tommy]

You'Re gonna keep changing. So your friends are gonna keep changing.

[Amanda]

Exactly.

[Tommy]

If you don't change, something's wrong with you.

[Amanda]

Something's wrong.

[Shane]

Okay, here's a very good one.

[Tommy]

Oh, actually, can I pop in really quick about if you're a gay guy and you like your gay or you like a friend that you don't know is gay.

[Amanda]

Ooh, ooh.

[Tommy]

We kind of talked about this in a Reddit stories once, I think. And here's my take. No, don't do it, forget about it, move on. If he turns out to be straight, it get too weird. It gets too weird. I've never been someone who's done this. I just know people who this has happened to. Cause I Like, when I came out, I was like, well, I don't want to be them. So my brain went, and you'll never have a crush on a friend. Don't know how that happened, but worked out. So that's just like my gay. My little queer thing is, like, if that's happening and you don't know who they're interested in, that's where it's like, spooky.

[Shane]

But that's also someone who's going through something. Right. Like, maybe they are not fully comfortable. You know what I mean? Like, they're still figuring out how to deal.

[Amanda]

Or maybe they're straight and they really care for you, so they try out that path with you.

[Tommy]

Oh, sure.

[Amanda]

But then it.

[Tommy]

Right, well, then if they've. If the, quote, straight person. Right, whatever, like, tried some stuff with you, like, then they've consented to that experiment. And so that's a little different. It's more like this one where it's like, I have a crush on my friend and I'm gay and I don't know if they're gay. And so it's like, that might be even heavier of a risk to take to say, I have a crush on you, you gay dog.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

You know, and then it becomes like.

[Amanda]

Yeah, and what if they're like, yes, I'm gay and I want to be.

[Tommy]

With you, and that's awesome. You took that risk. And there you go.

[Amanda]

And then they're like, okay, now I'm straight again. Great.

[Tommy]

And then you break up three years later. Woo. Wow. That was just.

[Amanda]

I wonder what it's like in the lesbian community.

[Tommy]

Well, they. I don't know. Okay, okay. Well, lesbian community is different.

[Amanda]

I'll have to dig in and dig in.

[Shane]

We'll have to do another. We'll have to do another one of these episodes and get different perspectives. Chance was talking a lot about when we talked about our dating lives, he was talking about in his friend group where they're all gay.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Shane]

About the complications.

[Tommy]

Yes, that.

[Shane]

About maintaining friendships. But you're also how.

[Amanda]

They're like, I will hook you up with that guy that you have a crush on and then they hook up with him.

[Tommy]

Right. Well, that's also like, these are two different kind of gay worlds. You can have the gay world where there's like big groups of gays where a bunch of gays hang out together. You know, they might say, you know, take a picture on the beach and all of their Speedos and look identical things like that. It's like, there's that kind of gay person. And then there's the IP blood this morning kind of gay person. Who's me? That's me. Go watch who memed it. If you haven't seen that, wasn't there.

[Shane]

The comment underneath that who memed it? Of Wait, I don't understand. And it's like, well, they come from two different gay houses.

[Tommy]

Gay houses, yeah. But I'm not dissing either group. It's just like I actually was part of a gay group of UCB gay comedians. And that was fun because it was a small group and a small group and two of them were dating. And guess what? They broke up and the group fell apart. And we were together for like four months.

[Amanda]

No more beach photos. Mosquitoes.

[Tommy]

But anyway, that's its own weird hellscape, at least for me, as coming from this side as like having a crush on them. But then they're fucking them and then they're. I'd be like, crushes, I think suck.

[Shane]

I think crushes are. Crushes are fun. I remember when I was younger, like, crushes were often agonizing because I was just like. Because I had no self esteem and I was so insecure. So I was just like, well, it's never gonna happen. So every crush was just this like, oh, damn. It just sucks.

[Tommy]

I also hate crushes, but I do like flirting. It's like different.

[Shane]

I don't even know how to do that. So.

[Amanda]

I got a lot of things to teach you. I gotta take you to a place and leave you alone with a bunch of people and go flirt now.

[Tommy]

Flirt now.

[Shane]

And then they're gonna bring me back and be like, we found this poor child in the middle of the zoo.

[Amanda]

Are you his mom? Well, I love flirting and I love crushes.

[Shane]

I believe that.

[Tommy]

Yeah, that's very you.

[Shane]

Yeah, I believe that.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

Okay, moving on. What are some dating red flags and deal breakers that you look out for?

[Amanda]

Ooh, yeah, those are legit. For me personally, being a woman, I look out for controlling behavior, telling me what to wear, telling me who I can't hang out with. If they ever use the word, you have to cut that person off. That's an immediate red flag for me not wanting to spend any time with my family. Big red flag for me getting very jealous if I'm wearing something, you know, sexy or whatever. Getting very, very jealous.

[Tommy]

Interesting.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Coming from Boston, I experienced a lot of jealous, jealous men. And I just. I reject it. I despise it. It. I hate it. I hate when a guy wants to start a fight. But There's a difference. I think I've warmed up to what jealous actually means and what protection actually means. And I have to figure out what that means to me because it's totally something different now. But I think a little bit of jealousy is good. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want my partner to be like, yeah, go off. I don't care. I trust you, whatever.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Amanda]

But I think a little bit of jealousy shows, like, some fun kind of, like, connection. Some kind. Like, it's you and me. Right.

[Tommy]

Interesting.

[Shane]

It's there, but it's not controlling.

[Amanda]

Yeah. I'm still working on what jealousy means to me, but I think there can be a healthy jealousy.

[Tommy]

Do you feel like it's like, the extremes that are the red flag? So it's like, if you're extremely jealous or like, let's say independent, you're too independent that you don't even care about.

[Shane]

Extreme apathy is also. It'd be like, oh, so you don't give a shit at all.

[Amanda]

Do you know what I think it is? I think it's jealousy, and I'm always the culprit where I'm consistently blamed, like, you made him do that or whatever. That feels like a very past relationship thing in my life that I find as a red flag.

[Shane]

Interesting.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

The feeling of jealousy is not necessarily the problem as much as it is, like, them. Yeah. It's the controlling thing. It's them being like they're putting it on you. They're making you feel bad about it.

[Amanda]

Yeah. And also, like, ultimatums. Like, you can never.

[Shane]

That's control.

[Amanda]

You can. Yeah. So those are my. Those are my big red flags.

[Shane]

Control is. It's a lot of controlling behaviors. I mean, we all. I think even at a young age, we all go, well, I don't want to be with someone controlling, but there's so many controlling behaviors that I can microaggression.

[Amanda]

Like little. Little ones.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Amanda]

Until little ones where they're like, I don't know about that friend. Maybe you shouldn't talk to them. And then a year later, you're like, oh, shit, I'm not talking to that friend. I'm not talking to any of my friends.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

It's little. Little things.

[Shane]

Yeah. For me, a similar one, I think it comes down to. Controlling is like, I remember when I was younger, I was very into, like, sarcasm and like, oh, I like girls with sarcasm and stuff. And they're like, you know, if they'd be like, oh, that's so dumb, or like, what I Saying so.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Shane]

But then. But then. But then, yeah, that's so random. No, but then it kind of turned into, wait, oh, are they being sarcastic or are they being mean? Yeah, and then it's like, oh, I'm. This person's mean. Like, they're being mean to me. And. And you. Like, I was like, wait, why am I. But that's partially of like, oh, I didn't believe I was good enough. So if they said that I was like, ah, yeah. So that nowadays is absolutely. Like, I am not into any sort of, like, negative.

[Amanda]

Like, I think that's also like, disrespecting in public, like, when. So I think it's a big red flag when someone's like, ugh, my husband's such a hate that. Or like, my wife sucks ball and chain. I think disrespectful name calling is so. Is such a red flag. I think that I. I don't know if that ties in with, like, the mean aspect.

[Shane]

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, Absolutely.

[Tommy]

It's a factor.

[Shane]

So I judge people when they are disrespectful towards their partners or friends.

[Amanda]

Be like, my partner, you know, farted again.

[Shane]

That's. There's times where it's a joke where I'm like, okay, but you're not saying it with actual disrespect. You're fucking with each other. There's almost a respect in. That's like, similar to our funeral roasts where I'm like, there is so much respect in us roasting each other there.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But there is then the, like, actual disrespect when you see someone talking down about someone. I hate it. So that's for me. And, yeah, controlling behaviors of any sort is immediately, like, nope, done.

[Tommy]

There's also, like, little red flags. Like, if you are at a party and you have your partner with you and they're like, by your side the whole time, and they're like, hey, you know, I'd be like, get away. Or if, like, you'd never see them again. You know what I mean? It's just like, it's the extremes, at least for me.

[Amanda]

I sometimes feel like I can't breathe when my partner is attached to my hip. I'm literally like, I cannot breathe.

[Shane]

Right.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

But that. I always thought that that was just me. Like, extreme, like, I need my space. But I think that that is a red flag.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And then I don't know about the not seeing, I guess not seeing your partner at a party the whole time. I get that.

[Tommy]

I mean, that's not as bad as.

[Shane]

It depends on the party.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Amanda]

Depends on the party.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Amanda]

Balance.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

What about. What about, like, flirting?

[Tommy]

And I personally would not want my partner to be flirting that much, I think.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Well.

[Shane]

Eh.

[Tommy]

Actually, I don't know.

[Amanda]

No judgment.

[Tommy]

Actually, I don't know about that.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Tommy]

Cause I'm like, if they're hot, I'm like, okay, go get it, girl. I don't know.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

And then I could be over and be like, mm, that's my boy.

[Shane]

That's my.

[Amanda]

See? And that, to me is. That's that little jealousy.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Right.

[Tommy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

And I feel like the green flags are just the opposite of this.

[Amanda]

I agree.

[Shane]

Yeah. Question. And I feel like this is.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Who from God tickles me.

[Tommy]

Oh, good. Honestly, it's like your morality code. Like, what you. How you live your life and what you see as good and bad. Those are the flags. Right. I don't know. How do you want to be treated?

[Shane]

Flags are just truly, like, kindness. Someone who's, I think, witnessing the world. There's. There is a cool study. I forget the. The psychologist's name, but Gottmans. Yeah, we talked about this.

[Amanda]

My favorite.

[Shane]

The. The, like, the. The clear thing of. Of.

[Amanda]

I'll tell you all about it.

[Shane]

We talked about this before.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

Of, like, there's the clear sign of turning to how. How a relationship will work. And it's bids, and it's that couples make bids where they, like, say a couple. Like, we're a couple. And I go, oh, look, the. The sky is so gorgeous today. And if you turn towards it and admire it as well, that's a bid. Like, I'm making a bid here. I'm pointing out something in the world, and you're respecting that and you're acknowledging that with me. And they would notice this stuff. And they go, if. More times out of. Out of 10, you're doing that. That's a sign of a very successful.

[Amanda]

You're turning towards your partner, AKA you're acknowledging them, which is a sign of respect. But if you are, don't respond or you turn away and you're like, yeah, okay. It's the fucking birds. Great. Who cares? Right?

[Tommy]

Well, there you go. That's right there.

[Amanda]

Those are all things that they say are little things that add up. The Gottmans are the best.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Gottman with a mustache. Okay.

[Shane]

But that's truly.

[Amanda]

I love them.

[Shane]

Yeah. I truly think, like, it's respect. It just comes down to respect.

[Amanda]

It's respect.

[Shane]

All of its respect.

[Amanda]

It's all respect. And it's all, it's also, I will say another thing that the Gottman I love is like, I forget stonewalling. It's also like, if someone needs the space to be upset, give them the space. But also if you are getting upset, if you are getting cornered like a cat, like you're getting stonewalled, you have the right to be like, I need to take a walk. And the other person has, has to give you that time and space to do that. Very hard for me, because if my partner's upset, I wanna get in there and fix it. And also make sure, like, well, did I do this? Did I? You have to give them the space and time to kind of come down and be upset. Give them the respect that they deserve to be upset, to kind of go through it. Otherwise, if you stonewall someone so much, they're gonna say something that they regret.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Or that you regret.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So we have more questions here, but we're running out of time, so we'll have to do this again sometime.

[Amanda]

Yeah, we will.

[Tommy]

Hey, wanna do this again sometime?

[Amanda]

Hey, wanna.

[Shane]

Let's do this again sometime.

[Amanda]

I feel safe right now, Shane. Thank you.

[Shane]

Wow. Okay, great. Okay, what about now?

[Amanda]

We should have met in a public place.

[Shane]

We'll pick this one as the last one. As people in your 30s, what dating tips would you give to someone else in their 30s that you wouldn't give to someone in their 20s?

[Amanda]

GWN asks.

[Shane]

Yeah, GWN. This is GWN News.

[Tommy]

So wait, the question is, what would I tell a 30 year old but not a 20 year old?

[Shane]

Yeah, what advice? What dating advice for a 30 year old as opposed to a 20 year old? And I, my honest thought is for a lot of it, I don't know now here and Reddit stories, there is a specific, there's specific dating advice that I give, but this isn't necessarily 20s, but it's like younger 20s or teen years and stuff. And that's when you're dealing with a relationship where you're just like, oh my God, I'm so frustrated in this relationship, or I'm dealing with this bullshit in this relationship. I'm like, walk away. You're so young. You should still just like go out there and experience new things, walk away from it. I do believe that. And that's there could be different circumstances, you know, and I, I understand that. I understand every relationship is unique. So I'm not saying that's like absolutely the case if you're listening to this. But my overall Advice, if you're 21 and you're in a relationship where you're like, my partner's being a douchebag, or they actively disrespect me so bad, walk away. Because you are. You're probably going to be such different people in a few years. Yeah, you might as well just go.

[Amanda]

I couldn't agree more. I think the biggest advice I could give is date as much as you can. Like, experience people experience being alone. Because from what I've heard from people, a lot of them have regrets of, like, they wish that they had more experience. They've been with the same person since they were 18 or 20, and they just wish they had more experience with other people. Like, they just get to a place like, yeah, we've been together 12 years. They just feel like they wish they had more experience. And I just naturally wanted to date and have all these experiences. And I'm so glad that I did, because now that I'm with someone, I feel so satisfied. I mean, hey, maybe that'll change in 10, 30 years. I'd love to ask this question at, like, 50 or whatever, but I would say have experiences. If you're with someone that is the worst, leave them. Because I think being alone is not as scary as you think it is. And you should be alone and experience all of it. Right, Tommy?

[Tommy]

Oh, okay. So I should go.

[Shane]

So get out.

[Amanda]

So, Tommy. Goodbye.

[Tommy]

Okay. I don't know if I really have something so specific, but there's just this. I don't know. How can I put this? Mina Gudataki. Like, this is like a big statement. Not really, but you already know the answer to the questions you're asking yourself.

[Amanda]

Ooh, oh, mic drop.

[Shane]

Ooh, I like that.

[Tommy]

You know what I mean? It's like, oh, well, I don't know. It's like, you know. You know, Exactly. Stop trying to work around it, you know?

[Amanda]

You know?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I think there was times in my twenties when I. Because I was a very nervous, fearful person. I've gotten better about it over the years, but there were. The times that I actually felt better was when I was like, when I'm afraid, that's when I need to take that step forward. And I will be afraid. And I will probably get more afraid the more further I step, but I got to keep going. And even if it fails, you end up feeling so good because you're like, whoa, I beat that fear. That fear was there, and it was trying to stop me, and I didn't let it stop me. That's what ends up so many times in my life where I felt awful is because I'm like, I let that fear win not because of what anyone said to me or because what have happened on that date. It's because I'm like, wow, I lost the battle inside my head. And like I said at the beginning of this, you're trying to win that battle in your head before you go out there. That battle's going on in your head. And just go out there.

[Amanda]

Yep.

[Tommy]

Yep.

[Amanda]

I also will say real quick, don't let a partner hold you back from life experiences or jobs or careers or travel. Even something simple as, like, you had this, like, date plan when your 20s and you have this, like, amazing experience to go somewhere in the world or whatever. I don't. I don't know if Or. Or like, you have this scholarship or you're in college and you're dating them and you have this really cool thing to go abro. But you don't want to leave your boyfriend.

[Tommy]

Go abroad, baby.

[Amanda]

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Like. Like, if it was meant to be, it'll be. Do you know what I mean? But go. It's just those are so much more important and. And harder to maneuver when you get older.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Less opportunities to do that.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. Well, I want to talk about this forever, but we could. We are running out of time. We're going to do a little smart mouth and segment here.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

But, Amanda, you've got some facts for us that we're going to try to answer?

[Amanda]

Yeah, I got some facts. There are over. Here's my smart mouth. There are over 5,000 dating sites and apps worldwide.

[Shane]

What?

[Amanda]

Over 5,000.

[Shane]

And I have no success on any of them.

[Amanda]

Many. I will say it.

[Tommy]

Be me.

[Amanda]

Many of the sites aren't nearly as popular, but the most popular ones are match.com, eHarmony, Tinder, and Bumble.

[Shane]

Wow. Okay.

[Amanda]

Pretty cool.

[Tommy]

Match.com still popping.

[Shane]

Guess it's still there. Eharmony is still there.

[Tommy]

Weird.

[Amanda]

Okay, this is. I will have to give credit to Kiana. She helped me with this one. So these are the most successful. What am I trying to say? Like, hellos? Like the most successful first word in a message.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Amanda]

Like something that you say to start off your message in an online dating app.

[Shane]

Oh, okay. Do we want to try to throw some out there before we.

[Amanda]

Yeah, because I have. I have. You have the answers and I have percentages.

[Shane]

What about? What about. And these are specific. Like, specific words, not like a generalized correct. Okay.

[Amanda]

It's like when you first, start a message.

[Shane]

I'm gonna go with. I'm gonna go with. Well, hello there.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Zero percent.

[Tommy]

Fuck. I'm gonna say, hey, how's your day going?

[Amanda]

Okay, so hey is actually lower than 30%. Is that.

[Tommy]

But I'm on the board.

[Amanda]

Does that work out for messages? You're less likely to respond or click on it.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Any other ones?

[Shane]

No, just starting off with no.

[Amanda]

Okay, that's not on here.

[Tommy]

What about ketchup or mustard?

[Amanda]

Not on here.

[Shane]

Damn, that'd get me Netflix and chill.

[Amanda]

Not on here. Would you start off saying Netflix and chill?

[Shane]

I don't know. I'm just. I don't know.

[Amanda]

Do you want to know what the lowest one is?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Sup?

[Amanda]

At lower than 24%.

[Tommy]

Great.

[Amanda]

High.

[Shane]

Well, yeah.

[Tommy]

Wow. So hey's better than high.

[Amanda]

Hey is better than high. And hello is better than high.

[Tommy]

But is hey better than hello?

[Amanda]

Hey is better than hello. So high is the worst. High is at 23%.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Hello is at 27%. And hey is at 30%.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Do you want to hear the top ones?

[Shane]

What are the top ones?

[Amanda]

Okay. Which one do you think is? Out of these three, which one do you think is top?

[Tommy]

I love a game.

[Amanda]

Yo. Howdy. Hola.

[Tommy]

Okay. Howdy wins.

[Shane]

Howdy's gotta win.

[Tommy]

Howdy wins. Hola's underneath. And then that other one, you said yo, correct? Yep.

[Amanda]

No.

[Tommy]

Howdy.

[Amanda]

No. No. So Howdy does win.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Yo is the lowest, and ola is the middle. That's what I said, correct? That's what I thought I said. Yes, and then I said, no.

[Shane]

No, it's what you said.

[Amanda]

So yo is 33%. Ola is 34%. Howdy is 44%. Whoa.

[Tommy]

Absolutely it is. Whoa.

[Amanda]

But there's two that are higher than all of those.

[Shane]

What a reveal.

[Tommy]

What is it?

[Amanda]

What's up? Or is at 45%.

[Tommy]

What's up?

[Amanda]

And there's one that's the highest.

[Tommy]

Can you give us the first letter of it?

[Amanda]

H.

[Tommy]

What about Howdy Doody?

[Amanda]

Zero percent. Okay.

[Shane]

I have no idea.

[Amanda]

It's kind of a question, but it also doesn't need to be a question.

[Shane]

How?

[Amanda]

Sure. But there's three words.

[Tommy]

How are.

[Shane]

How are you?

[Amanda]

No. Kind of.

[Shane]

How's it going?

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Tommy]

How's it going?

[Amanda]

How's it going?

[Tommy]

That's number one.

[Amanda]

How's it going? Is number one 54%.

[Shane]

Wow. So it has an actual above 50%?

[Tommy]

Yeah. Cause howdy isn't a question unless you make it one. Howdy.

[Amanda]

Correct.

[Shane]

Yeah. Okay.

[Amanda]

So, yeah, the sweet spot for an online dating message is between 40 and 90 characters.

[Tommy]

Wow. We got two of them right here.

[Amanda]

Pretty cool, huh?

[Tommy]

Okay. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm making really bad dad jokes lately. I don't know what's happening to me. Something's changing within me.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Amanda]

That is so gross.

[Tommy]

I'm sorry.

[Amanda]

So 40 to 90 characters is basically enough to say how's it going? Or howdy. So if you are stuck, tormented, just say howdy or how's it going? Howdy.

[Shane]

Howdy there, Tommy. Thanks for being here.

[Tommy]

Hey, thanks so much.

[Shane]

I hope we offered some wisdom for you listeners. We will definitely do this again.

[Amanda]

Yeah, we'll definitely do an online forum where you guys ask us questions, and we will hopefully get to all your questions because they were so good.

[Shane]

They were great. Yeah. And there was a lot that we didn't get to because we only have so much time.

[Tommy]

And there were 600 of them.

[Shane]

There was a lot. All right, well, thanks for watching, and we'll see you next Monday.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Shane]

Goodbye.

[Amanda]

Goodbye. Happy Valentine's Day. Have a good week.

[Shane]

Happy Valentine's Day. Happy birthday, Amanda.

[Amanda]

Thanks.

[Tommy]

Happy birthday.