#35 - Try Not To Laugh: The Podcast w/ Courtney Miller - Smosh Mouth

Summary4 min read

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth – Episode #35: Try Not To Laugh: The Podcast w/ Courtney Miller

Release Date: February 26, 2024

In the 35th episode of the Smosh Mouth podcast, hosts Shane Topp and Amanda Lehan-Canto are joined by special guest Courtney Miller for a laughter-filled session of "Try Not To Laugh." The trio engages in humorous banter, storytelling, and competitive challenges, all while attempting to suppress their giggles. Below is a detailed summary of the episode, highlighting key discussions, insights, and memorable quotes.

1. Introduction and Game Setup

The episode kicks off with Shane and Amanda introducing Courtney Miller, setting the stage for another round of their popular "Try Not To Laugh" game.

Shane [00:02]: "Welcome back to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane."
Amanda [00:04]: "And I am Amanda. And we have a very special guest today, Courtney Miller."

Courtney expresses her excitement and nervousness about participating, mentioning her familiarity with the podcast.

Courtney Miller [00:27]: "I'm so nervous. I've watched both. I am a pre-active listener of the Smosh Mouth podcast."

2. Laugh Triggers and Past Attempts

The hosts reminisce about previous attempts at the game, particularly Shane’s propensity to laugh at his own farts, which has been a recurring theme.

Shane [02:03]: "It's so stupid. My dream... to fart. Like, on camera. Just if I had, like, a real fart."

Courtney acknowledges Shane’s consistent victories, attributing it to his inability to resist humorous sounds.

Courtney Miller [00:58]: "I think I've... you laugh."

3. Gift Card and Game Rules

A competitive edge is introduced with the mention of a $60 gift card at stake, originally starting at $20 and incrementally increasing as Shane continues to win.

Amanda [05:27]: "This is for Angela, guys."
Shane [05:32]: "Yeah. Because it started off at 20 bucks, then it got bumped up to 40. Now it's at $60. Because I keep winning."

Courtney is determined to win the gift card in honor of a friend named Angela, setting a friendly rivalry.

4. Stories Shared by Amanda: San Francisco Inn and Rat Encounter

Amanda shares a humorous anecdote about her recent trip to San Francisco, staying at an inn reminiscent of the iconic "Painted Ladies" houses featured in the TV show Full House.

Amanda [06:42]: "I was just in San Francisco this weekend, and we stayed at an inn, like one of those Painted Ladies in San Francisco... but he walked like... he was so slow."

She recounts an encounter with an overly affectionate innkeeper who amusingly likens the guests to troublemakers, adding a bizarre twist with a rat seemingly interacting with them.

Amanda [07:57]: "...the rat stands up and it goes, thanks for sleeping."

5. Try Not To Laugh Round: Reading Diary Entries

Courtney introduces a creative challenge by presenting scripted diary entries intended to provoke laughter without breaking character. The entries are exaggerated and filled with fantastical elements, blending teenage angst with absurd humor.

Courtney Miller [19:52]: "Here's this theme song. Here's the fly's theme song."
Shane [45:24]: "Dear Amanda and Shane, Courtney is dying due to an illness that is so new and so rare that it is still being studied..."

The hosts read aloud Courtney’s diary entries, each filled with over-the-top scenarios and quirky language, further intensifying the challenge to remain serious.

Courtney Miller [63:24]: "Dear Lemon Lima, Johnny is such a jerk..."

6. Comedy Bits and Improv Moments

Throughout the episode, the trio engages in spontaneous humor, including impersonations, sound effects, and playful teasing. They utilize a soundboard, adding layers of comedy as Courtney manipulates sounds to elicit laughter.

Shane [11:43]: "I can do a pretty good impression of it."
Courtney Miller [15:52]: "Here's this theme song. Here's the fly's theme song."

Amanda and Shane continuously attempt to stay composed amidst the escalating humor, sharing personal stories and exaggerated reactions to maintain the "Try Not To Laugh" premise.

7. Conclusion: Final Scores and Wrap-Up

As the episode progresses towards its end, the competition heats up with Amanda and Courtney managing to rack up more laughs than Shane, albeit in a humorous and exaggerated manner.

Shane [70:10]: "Courtney, you have 21 laughs, I have 27 dresses, and Amanda has 55 laughs, so damn more than double."
Courtney Miller [70:42]: "You came in very focused, very ready. You pulled this off. You won in Angela's honor."

Despite Shane’s initial dominance, Amanda and Courtney’s relentless humor shifts the scores in their favor, leading to a lighthearted conclusion where Shane concedes the win.

Shane [71:02]: "Guys, thank you for watching. This has been another try not to laugh episode of the podcast. Thank you for watching Smosh Mouth. Congratulations, Courtney."

Notable Quotes

Shane [02:03]: "My dream... to fart. Like, on camera."
Courtney Miller [19:52]: "My birthday is this year."
Amanda [57:34]: "You're so Disney coded."
Courtney Miller [63:24]: "Dear Lemon Lima, Johnny is such a jerk."

Final Thoughts

Episode #35 of Smosh Mouth delivers an entertaining blend of structured challenges and spontaneous humor. Courtney Miller’s active participation adds fresh energy, while Shane and Amanda’s chemistry ensures a lively and engaging conversation. The "Try Not To Laugh" format thrives on their ability to balance storytelling with comedic restraint, making it a delightful listen for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

This episode exemplifies the playful and dynamic nature of the Smosh Mouth podcast, showcasing the hosts' ability to create engaging and humorous content through interactive games and relatable anecdotes.

Loading summary

Transcript1,097 lines

[00:02]
Shane
Welcome back to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane.
[00:05]
Amanda
And I am Amanda. And we have a very special guest today, Courtney Miller.
[00:09]
Courtney Miller
Howdy ho.
[00:10]
Shane
That's right.
[00:11]
Amanda
And we are gonna do another round of Try not to Laugh. I'm so excited. And we have things planned and also things not planned.
[00:20]
Shane
Yeah. Angela doesn't know that we're doing this. You know, she had two attempts. She had two attempts. She could not win.
[00:28]
Courtney Miller
I'm so nervous. I've watched both. I am a pre active listener of the Smosh Mouth podcast.
[00:34]
Amanda
Thank you.
[00:35]
Courtney Miller
But, yeah, I did. I have watched both. Try not to laughs. And damn, you guys, you laugh a lot.
[00:42]
Amanda
But it's good. And Shane wins every time, which shocks me because he laughs at his own fart. So that's what gets me.
[00:50]
Shane
I love that I laughed at my own fart. And that that fart I had already played on smoshcast before, and I'd forgotten.
[00:59]
Courtney Miller
And it was the fact that you're like, I'm not gonna laugh at this. And you play it and you laugh the hardest. I think I've. You laugh.
[01:04]
Amanda
Yep.
[01:07]
Shane
No, I. I'm not going to laugh at this.
[01:21]
Amanda
Had to wait. Just. You just. You just had to wait.
[01:31]
Courtney Miller
That's real.
[01:31]
Shane
Wait.
[01:32]
Amanda
Really wait. That's real.
[01:33]
Shane
Wait.
[01:41]
Amanda
Guys. I can't believe I did that. That's probably the hardest. I've never seen him like this. It's probably the hardest.
[01:52]
Courtney Miller
Dude.
[01:53]
Shane
Do you know how hard I laughed?
[01:55]
Amanda
When I'm going through recordings, I go, what is.
[01:58]
Shane
And I sent a message to myself.
[02:00]
Amanda
Four years later and I farted.
[02:04]
Shane
Yeah, it got me. You know, it's. It's just so stupid. It's so stupid. My dream. I've said this before. My dream for our. On regular Try not to laugh on Smosh Pit is to fart. Like, like on camera. Just if I had, like a real fart. A real fart, you know, if you.
[02:21]
Courtney Miller
If you had farted on.
[02:23]
Shane
But it was so. It was weak. It was really weak.
[02:25]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, it was one time on Try not to laugh. Like one of the old ones. Like, back at Defy, I think Noah was in the hot seat, I believe, and I was like, shane, time to do something funny. Do something funny, Shane. And he was like, all right. And then just.
[02:37]
Shane
It was really weak and it was not good.
[02:38]
Courtney Miller
It was not good.
[02:39]
Shane
But we heard it, though subtitles were required. I want to go out and I want to, like, rip one.
[02:45]
Amanda
Blow one up.
[02:46]
Shane
I want to blow.
[02:47]
Courtney Miller
I realize I'm nervous how risky that game is.
[02:51]
Shane
You could. I want to assess the situation.
[02:55]
Amanda
You could hall pass it. You know that scene from hall pass?
[02:58]
Shane
No.
[02:58]
Amanda
Oh, you don't want to know it. Then.
[03:00]
Courtney Miller
That's a crazy scene.
[03:01]
Amanda
But she's like, I don't feel well. And then she sneezes and shoots shit all behind her. And she's like, God, I feel so much better. And the guy's like, luckily she was.
[03:09]
Courtney Miller
Sitting on the edge of a bathtub, so it was just the backsplash of a shower.
[03:13]
Amanda
Okay. Water.
[03:14]
Courtney Miller
That's very graphic. Good morning, everyone.
[03:16]
Shane
But anyways, that's my dream. But.
[03:18]
Amanda
So that's your dream. Okay.
[03:19]
Shane
The only way I've ever had a fart. I'll try not to laugh. Is that I recorded it that I forgot.
[03:24]
Amanda
It did make me laugh a lot.
[03:25]
Shane
It's just so stupid. And it caught when I, like, because I didn't have it listed as fart in. In my voice recordings.
[03:31]
Courtney Miller
It was just voice memo number, blah.
[03:32]
Shane
Blah, blah, new recording, 35 or whatever. And so when it just played, I was like, what the.
[03:38]
Amanda
I have.
[03:39]
Courtney Miller
I have so many recordings in my voice memo app that I have not listened to for years. So I. I might just, like, go through them today. Let's just see.
[03:48]
Shane
All right. That's real risky.
[03:49]
Amanda
Yeah, me too. Okay, well, mine are.
[03:52]
Courtney Miller
Yours are like, five minutes of you rambling as a character.
[03:54]
Amanda
Exactly. Well, I shortened them. I can. They're shortened.
[04:00]
Shane
You have them out already.
[04:02]
Amanda
No, I don't.
[04:03]
Courtney Miller
I'll get mine ready.
[04:04]
Shane
You guys are prepped. I don't have anything on the table. I don't have anything on the table.
[04:07]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, but that doesn't mean that you.
[04:08]
Shane
Don'T have stuff you don't know that that's true.
[04:11]
Courtney Miller
Okay. Okay. Are we about to begin this?
[04:13]
Amanda
Wait. I want to know one thing. What is the thing that makes you laugh the most? We know. It's farts for Shane.
[04:18]
Shane
Farts?
[04:19]
Amanda
Farts.
[04:19]
Courtney Miller
His own voice.
[04:20]
Shane
Okay.
[04:22]
Amanda
Other things. His own farts, his own voice. Everything he does. For what?
[04:27]
Shane
What? What? This is ironic for me to say because I think I'm really bad at it a lot of times, but when other people just commit really hard to something. Yeah, that makes me laugh.
[04:36]
Amanda
You do commit. I've seen you commit.
[04:37]
Shane
I commit, but, like, I break so easily, but when people are just fully committed to something so insane, that always gets me. If people are locked.
[04:46]
Amanda
I know. They're so deep in the character that.
[04:48]
Shane
They'Re, like, really crushes.
[04:50]
Amanda
This isn't funny. This is just me.
[04:52]
Shane
Yeah. Okay. Let's just start.
[04:54]
Courtney Miller
Okay, but can I say what I makes me.
[04:55]
Amanda
Yes.
[04:56]
Shane
Okay. What makes you laugh?
[04:57]
Courtney Miller
Little silly things. I like silly noises.
[05:00]
Amanda
You like silly noises?
[05:01]
Courtney Miller
I like when someone I don't know that well makes a noise I've never heard before from them. Like, never come out of them before. I like. Like, that's what's great about new cast members. It's like, I haven't heard you make many noises.
[05:12]
Amanda
Yeah. Yeah. And you like physical stuff?
[05:15]
Courtney Miller
I like physical stuff. I tension. So, like, even when if you aren't talking, I love to laugh. Here's the thing. So this is going to be really hard, but I'm going to. I think I'm going to win this for Angela.
[05:27]
Shane
Oh, you're going to win your honor.
[05:29]
Courtney Miller
Oh, yeah. This is for Angela, guys.
[05:31]
Amanda
Okay, there's $60 on the table.
[05:33]
Courtney Miller
Wait, really?
[05:33]
Shane
A $60 gift card?
[05:35]
Amanda
Gift card. Okay.
[05:35]
Shane
Yeah. Because it started off at 20 bucks, then it got bumped up to 40. This. Now it's at $60. Because I keep winning.
[05:41]
Amanda
Yeah. Angela has no chance at winning it right now.
[05:44]
Courtney Miller
$60 to test it.
[05:45]
Shane
Are you saying that if you win it, you're going to give her the gift card?
[05:48]
Courtney Miller
Yeah.
[05:49]
Shane
Wow.
[05:50]
Amanda
You don't have to.
[05:51]
Courtney Miller
This is for her.
[05:52]
Shane
Angela Champion.
[05:53]
Courtney Miller
I'm sorry. I hesitated, and I didn't feel confident about that answer.
[05:56]
Amanda
You don't have to do that.
[05:57]
Shane
Okay, well, Selena will be keeping score.
[06:00]
Courtney Miller
Okay.
[06:01]
Shane
So don't slip up.
[06:03]
Courtney Miller
I, like, did a crazy core workout yesterday, and so my lower stomach is really sore, and so laughing hurts. So hopefully that will help me.
[06:10]
Amanda
You're gonna win. Cause I don't win ever. Because I forget. I'll, like, be having so much fun, and then I just forget.
[06:17]
Shane
Yeah.
[06:18]
Amanda
And then I giggle.
[06:19]
Shane
All right, all right, all right. Shall we begin?
[06:21]
Amanda
We shall begin.
[06:22]
Shane
Try not to laugh. The podcast round three begins now.
[06:29]
Courtney Miller
Come on.
[06:31]
Shane
All right. But it's still a normal podcast, so act weird here.
[06:34]
Amanda
Yeah, let's not act weird.
[06:37]
Shane
Amanda, you were talking about how you have a bunch of stories you want to tell today. I think you said the same.
[06:42]
Courtney Miller
I do.
[06:42]
Amanda
I have a story. I was just in San Francisco this weekend, and we stayed at an inn, like one of those. You know, the Painted Ladies in San Francisco? Those houses in Full House in the beginning.
[06:54]
Shane
Right.
[06:54]
Amanda
Did you ever watch Full House?
[06:55]
Courtney Miller
Oh, so much. I watched.
[06:57]
Shane
I was around in the 90s.
[06:57]
Courtney Miller
So much. Full House. I watch it now.
[06:59]
Amanda
Okay, great. Well, Full House is the best. I saw the Full House House. Don't. I saw the Full House House and the Painted Ladies.
[07:09]
Courtney Miller
Okay, Painted Ladies. What's the Painted Ladies.
[07:11]
Amanda
It's in the beginning where they're singing the opening song. And you see all those houses.
[07:15]
Courtney Miller
Oh, it's houses. And they're just called ladies.
[07:18]
Amanda
They're called the Painted Ladies.
[07:19]
Courtney Miller
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The pretty color houses.
[07:21]
Amanda
They're really cool. So we were in a house kind of like that. The inn is from the 1800s probably. And the guy who owns it was so sweet, hilarious. But he walked like. Like, I felt like a year went by when he passed me. Like, he was so slow. Walked so slow. So nice. And we were a comedy troupe. And the first thing he says to me and the other girl in my group was like, I heard about you guys. Huh? I heard about you guys. You guys are trouble. You guys are gonna be trouble.
[07:57]
Shane
Trouble.
[07:58]
Amanda
Yeah, trouble gets. Trouble gets. It gets. So. So we're in this courtyard with all these beautiful greenery, and he goes, well, I just wanted to say thanks for sleeping with me. And I go, what? And he goes, I heard that at an innkeepers conference. No, thanks for sleeping with me, because essentially you're all sleeping with me.
[08:24]
Courtney Miller
Wow.
[08:24]
Shane
Give me a break.
[08:26]
Amanda
Don't laugh.
[08:27]
Shane
What does this guy look like? Old.
[08:33]
Amanda
Old. He was old. He had like a box shaped top with like, smaller legs. Like, I don't know, I feel like his legs are gonna crack under the pressure.
[08:43]
Shane
He was Roblox a little bit.
[08:44]
Amanda
He had like a hat. His face was just weathered storms. Weathered so many storms. And he was just white. And he just looked like an old turtle with, like a lot of barnacles all over him.
[08:59]
Shane
Okay, that actually somehow is the most defining detail.
[09:02]
Amanda
Does that make sense?
[09:03]
Courtney Miller
Actual barnacles?
[09:04]
Amanda
And then as he's telling us. Yeah, actual barnacles is crazy. And then as he's telling us this, I'm sitting there and a little rat starts slowly, like, pounce, walking towards me and the girl who are sitting in the garden like this. And he's telling this story and he's like, see you guys later. And he slowly walks away. And the rat's there, and I'm about to grab her arm to be like, we need to go. There is a rat slowly beelining it for us right now.
[09:36]
Courtney Miller
What?
[09:36]
Amanda
It's daytime. Like, this is San Francisco.
[09:39]
Shane
And then the rat stands up and it goes, thanks for sleeping.
[09:42]
Amanda
Yeah, thanks for sleeping with me. I heard that at a rat conference.
[09:45]
Shane
No, I own the Rat Inn right here.
[09:48]
Courtney Miller
No.
[09:48]
Amanda
So anyways, as I think that he's about to leave, he turns back and goes, another thing. And the rat's like, the Rat to listen. The rat stops dead in its tracks. Like, this is not real. No, this is real. He goes, Zen after 10, right? Zen after 10. And then he slowly walks away. And the rat goes. And then it slowly turns away and just starts.
[10:14]
Courtney Miller
No, it doesn't.
[10:14]
Amanda
Crawling away with its long tail. I'm dead serious. This really happened. This whole thing happened. So the whole time we were like, well, we're sleeping with one dude this whole weekend, and he owns the inn.
[10:27]
Shane
I. God, the whole old per. What?
[10:32]
Courtney Miller
Nothing. I was not laughing.
[10:33]
Shane
Is that a little sneeze?
[10:34]
Courtney Miller
No, it was a brag.
[10:35]
Amanda
I probably laughed, like, three times in my own story.
[10:37]
Shane
No, you've held it together enough.
[10:39]
Amanda
Yeah, I told it 17 times already.
[10:42]
Shane
I just. The whole, like, you two look like trouble is such an old guy thing to say. You know where I experience, like, old guys like that just show up sometimes. You know how they just appear like a spirit?
[10:54]
Amanda
Yeah.
[10:54]
Shane
Where you're like, I think you might have died a hundred years ago.
[10:56]
Amanda
Yeah.
[10:57]
Shane
But when we were. When I was on Goldberg's, whenever we filmed on location, you would know that an old guy would just show up on the outskirts of the production, and he'd just be there, and he'd just be like, so you guys filming something here? And then they'd go into some story about something that happened to them in the 70s. They're like, you know, I used to work. I used to work with Rock Hudson back in the day.
[11:20]
Amanda
You're like, well done. We're filming so quiet on set. And they're like, quiet on set.
[11:26]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. You know what I feel about those stories?
[11:35]
Amanda
Oh, my God. Okay. That is horrendous.
[11:41]
Shane
That's a. That's someone snoring.
[11:43]
Amanda
That is hor.
[11:45]
Shane
That was pretty good.
[11:46]
Amanda
That's someone snoring. That's someone snoring.
[11:49]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. Who? It's a guy who.
[11:52]
Shane
Just a guy.
[11:53]
Amanda
That's.
[11:53]
Shane
I can do a pretty good impression of it.
[11:55]
Courtney Miller
Okay, do it.
[11:57]
Amanda
Whoa. You're.
[11:59]
Courtney Miller
Sorry if that was too loud.
[12:00]
Amanda
Scott, he's standing up.
[12:01]
Shane
I'm across the room.
[12:04]
Courtney Miller
Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh.
[12:15]
Shane
I got myself.
[12:16]
Amanda
Okay. You got me. And you got you. Do you snore?
[12:21]
Shane
I think so. I think I snore pretty bad, actually. So you know how you. You know. You know when you wake up and you're like, wow, I was really. I was really blasting off last night.
[12:31]
Amanda
Cause I'm not a monster. I don't snore like that.
[12:34]
Shane
Okay, got yourself with that one.
[12:38]
Courtney Miller
What do you snore? Like.
[12:41]
Shane
Are you a honk? Chew or a honk?
[12:44]
Amanda
No, none. I'm like this.
[12:49]
Courtney Miller
You're an open mouth sleeper.
[12:50]
Amanda
Oh, yeah. I sleep wide open.
[12:52]
Shane
Way worse.
[12:52]
Amanda
I go, stop.
[12:57]
Shane
Got you. Got Courtney. You sleep like the beginning of a horror movie. Like a cold breeze.
[13:04]
Amanda
Yeah. And I sleep talk.
[13:05]
Courtney Miller
Do you guys want to hear how I sleep? You guys want to hear how I sleep?
[13:08]
Shane
Got Amanda myself.
[13:11]
Amanda
That's awful.
[13:12]
Shane
Yeah, just.
[13:13]
Courtney Miller
Just how I just.
[13:14]
Shane
Amanda's just like this. Don't go in there.
[13:17]
Amanda
Bananas and peppers.
[13:23]
Courtney Miller
This is how I snore.
[13:24]
Amanda
Joe Biden. Joe Biden.
[13:27]
Shane
Joe Biden.
[13:28]
Amanda
I know who this is. Is this that guy that you guys love?
[13:32]
Shane
What is this? Where are you pulling this shit?
[13:35]
Amanda
Is this that guy that you guys love? Mr. Bean or something?
[13:38]
Courtney Miller
No, no. You're thinking of. You're thinking of somebody else.
[13:45]
Shane
She brought a soundboard with her guys.
[13:47]
Amanda
No, I'm thinking of that guy that you guys love on TikTok. That you love. Don't you like him too?
[13:52]
Shane
Oh, oh, oh, yeah. Marcus Port. I don't think that was Marcus.
[13:57]
Courtney Miller
I don't think that was Marcus.
[13:58]
Shane
There's Marcus Pork Senior. There's Now Marcus Pork Jr. Who's this super buff guy? I'm not.
[14:02]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. Skibidi. Oh, oh, that was Marcus Park Jr.
[14:05]
Shane
Yeah, there's Marcus Park Jr. Now, and he's ripped.
[14:09]
Courtney Miller
I thought. At first, I thought it was Marcus Park. Had a bunch of work done. I thought it was a guy, and I thought Marcus park entered his thirst trap era.
[14:16]
Shane
Have you. Oh, this is going to be outdated by the time this podcast releases, but Amanda, on Tik Tok, have you seen Pookie? Have you come across Pookie at all? Pookie. TikTok.
[14:27]
Amanda
Or you say it.
[14:28]
Shane
There's this. There's this, like, wealthy couple. They're probably in their 30s.
[14:32]
Amanda
Pookie.
[14:32]
Shane
Pookie. So it's this guy. It's this guy in this.
[14:35]
Courtney Miller
So it's a hot, hot woman and her partner, who. He. He's a strumming looking guy, but they're.
[14:42]
Shane
Always dressed in, like, really fancy clothes. And they. They. In their outfits, they. They turn on the camera, they step back, and they're like. They're like, pookie is looking absolutely fire tonight. Pookie, what are you wearing tonight? And she's like, I'm wearing a Chanel.
[14:54]
Courtney Miller
Jacket, Like, Gucci shoes, Gucci bag.
[14:57]
Shane
He's like, I'm wearing an Hermes belt. I'm wearing a Ralph Lauren jacket.
[15:01]
Amanda
Is this real?
[15:02]
Shane
This is real.
[15:03]
Courtney Miller
And he's like. And Pookie. Pook Absolutely. Fire tonight.
[15:07]
Shane
Yeah. They spooky. His wife, I think girlfriend or wife or fiance. But I'll tell you what, I'll give it. Give it to this guy. I. You. You watch them and you. At least I. You feel this initial pull to just hate on him. He's like, you just want to. You just want to hate on him.
[15:22]
Courtney Miller
Yeah.
[15:22]
Shane
But then you love them. But this guy. This guy is thirsting after Pookie so hard.
[15:27]
Courtney Miller
Yeah.
[15:27]
Shane
This is him that you kind of can't. You got to respect it. This guy, he'll be like, pookie is looking absolutely fire. And then he'll turn and be. She'll be talking about what she's wearing, and he's just like.
[15:36]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. And then he says this.
[15:37]
Shane
Oh, great heavens.
[15:39]
Courtney Miller
And. Cause she's so hot.
[15:47]
Amanda
Whoa.
[15:51]
Shane
Okay, you finally found it down.
[15:53]
Amanda
Okay, Got him. Courtney came in hot because she has a full soundboard, and it's amazing.
[15:59]
Courtney Miller
I customized it.
[15:59]
Amanda
This feels like an old radio show.
[16:01]
Shane
I'm really glad, you know, Courtney's bringing that humor of an 11 year old in 2010. And you gotta really respect.
[16:07]
Amanda
Wait a second. No. People on radio stations still use that.
[16:10]
Shane
Word like it's Jerry Bean in the morning pussy.
[16:18]
Courtney Miller
Yep. That's what they do.
[16:20]
Amanda
Oh, you're going to lose so hard.
[16:23]
Shane
Because now I'm thinking about them. Growing up, my parents were always like, we just had the radio because it was the 90s. But that shit I hated, even as a kid, I was so annoyed by it just. You'd get in the car, you're going to school, it's 8am you're tired, you hate everything. You're seven, and you just hear like, it's J, J, J, J, J. Jerry in the morning.
[16:44]
Amanda
Whoa.
[16:45]
Shane
Yeah, that's right.
[16:46]
Courtney Miller
Ear, ear, ear, ear.
[16:48]
Amanda
My mom hated sounds. She hated when there's like a baby crying in a song. So she would get so worked up and angry if that was on. She's like, you need to turn it off. I don't wanna hear sirens or a baby sounds.
[17:04]
Courtney Miller
I do freak out when songs nowadays put gunshots or ambulance sounds in them. I'm like, huh?
[17:10]
Shane
Yeah, that should be illegal to play.
[17:13]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, we're like an Eminem concert where he blasted, like, gun sound effects. And it was actually terrified the crowd. It was like, sorry, that was really serious.
[17:23]
Shane
No, but like, when I'm driving and there's an ad or something that has a siren, I start to like, stop my car.
[17:31]
Amanda
Or what about. Remember? Yeah, what is. That's an Aaliyah song. What Are you Rip. What the hell? What the hell?
[17:42]
Shane
The hell was that?
[17:43]
Amanda
What? Sometimes I feel like I was born in another century than you guys.
[17:47]
Shane
Okay, I know that old. I know, but it's just that sound was a lot. Stop it.
[17:53]
Courtney Miller
That's, like, different.
[17:53]
Amanda
Stop it.
[17:55]
Shane
It's not making me laugh. It's making me scared.
[17:57]
Amanda
Pookie.
[17:58]
Shane
Pookie is looking absolutely fire.
[18:00]
Amanda
That's making you scared?
[18:02]
Shane
It's. It's weird. It's.
[18:04]
Amanda
It made my mom.
[18:04]
Courtney Miller
You know. You know what those noises did to my brain?
[18:06]
Shane
Oh, God.
[18:11]
Amanda
Damn.
[18:12]
Shane
I've heard that song.
[18:13]
Amanda
She's gonna win.
[18:15]
Courtney Miller
I have some. I have a pitch for you guys.
[18:17]
Shane
Okay, let's hear it.
[18:18]
Courtney Miller
Okay. No, I need you to read it. And you both have heard of this. It's one paper. I'm gonna give it to.
[18:24]
Amanda
Renee's coming in hot, and I love it. It's just too prepared.
[18:27]
Shane
No, you're allowed to do. There's no rules.
[18:29]
Courtney Miller
Okay?
[18:30]
Shane
Besides, don't laugh.
[18:30]
Amanda
There is, okay?
[18:31]
Shane
There's one rule.
[18:32]
Courtney Miller
Okay?
[18:32]
Shane
Don't laugh. There's a single little tiny fly. I see it flying around here.
[18:36]
Amanda
Yeah.
[18:36]
Shane
Let us know in the comments if you see the little fly.
[18:38]
Courtney Miller
Here's this theme song. Here's the fly's theme song.
[18:52]
Amanda
Now I think I've laughed the most, and I need to watch.
[18:55]
Shane
Are we gonna get copyright struck by Wiley the Coyote?
[18:59]
Amanda
Don't stress her out before her pitch.
[19:01]
Courtney Miller
That almost made me go. Who? Time to read my pitch. Okay, but first.
[19:06]
Amanda
Whoa.
[19:07]
Courtney Miller
So my birthday is this year.
[19:09]
Shane
And you don't say.
[19:11]
Amanda
Wait, my birthday.
[19:12]
Shane
Craziest shit.
[19:13]
Amanda
My birthday is this year.
[19:15]
Courtney Miller
My birthday.
[19:16]
Shane
That's so crazy.
[19:17]
Courtney Miller
Is this year.
[19:18]
Shane
So we're all Capricorns.
[19:21]
Amanda
Shane, is your birthday this year?
[19:22]
Shane
You know.
[19:23]
Amanda
Wait, you're a Capricorn?
[19:24]
Shane
It is. No, I was joking that we're all Capricorns. What are you, Virgo?
[19:28]
Amanda
Oh, yeah. What are you? Gemini? Aquarius? Pluto's in my chart.
[19:32]
Shane
Watch your back, loser.
[19:34]
Courtney Miller
My birthday.
[19:35]
Amanda
Pookie.
[19:36]
Courtney Miller
This is a big day that's coming up, and I have something that I really want to do. And you both have a little bit heard about this, what I want to do for my birthday. And so I would like Amanda to read this pitch. And please read it word for word, please.
[19:52]
Amanda
Yes, ma'am. Whole thing.
[19:54]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, you can read the whole thing. The whole thing, including the title.
[19:58]
Amanda
Oh, I know this pitch, but I don't know all the details. This is Courtney's pitch for her birthday, and she's having a birthday this year. So everyone, watch out.
[20:07]
Courtney Miller
What birthday is this year, guys?
[20:08]
Amanda
The wenching hour. My pitch for my birthday. At the strike of 4pm, everyone will gather, holding small wooden bowls, starving and begging for soup. I will arrive wearing a big tattered brown cloak, holding a large pot or cauldron of soup and a big wooden old ladle. The type of big wooden ladle that I could knock someone out with bonus points if everyone else is in peasant cloaks too. And I hobble in with the soup, and I'm sneering and shrieking as I take spoonfuls of soup and serve it to each peasant. Everyone is moaning and whining because they are so starving for soup. No one is breaking character and there are no spoons. You have to sip straight from your bowl because you're just so hungry. And even after everyone has soup, it's not enough. And people keep begging, please, please, wench, please give us more soup. We need more soup. The soup will be like a hot stew, red in color, with potatoes and carrots and onions and other things, not too thick, not too thin. It will look amazing in my ladle that I could clobber someone with it if I wanted to, but I won't. When people aren't begging for soup, you just hear little slurping sounds, like kittens lapping up milk. And me groaning and heavy breathing because I am a wench and that's what people do.
[21:52]
Courtney Miller
Mm. Mm.
[21:54]
Amanda
And that's what I do.
[21:56]
Courtney Miller
Now go back, say the whole thing again.
[21:59]
Amanda
And me groaning and heavy breez. And me groaning and heavy breathing because I am a wench and that's what I do.
[22:07]
Courtney Miller
Thank you.
[22:08]
Amanda
I keep hobbling around, giving soup and snaring at people and making sure they behave. End of pitch.
[22:19]
Shane
Thank you. That's my favorite Robert Frost poem.
[22:24]
Courtney Miller
I would like to have this on a livestream.
[22:26]
Amanda
Wait, you told me this pitch in person? And I was like, that's the best thing I've ever heard. And now reading it, I'm like, it's so dark and amazing and no one's allowed to watch.
[22:37]
Courtney Miller
They have to participate or they can't be in the room.
[22:39]
Amanda
Yeah. No watching.
[22:41]
Courtney Miller
And they have to. And they have to have soup and they have to love the soup, and.
[22:44]
Shane
Everybody has to be.
[22:44]
Amanda
Are you invited, Shane?
[22:46]
Shane
I don't know if I'm invited. To the wenching hour.
[22:48]
Courtney Miller
To the wenching hour.
[22:49]
Amanda
Yeah. It's like, for wenches.
[22:51]
Shane
Yeah, it sounds like it's for wenches.
[22:52]
Courtney Miller
No, I am the only wench.
[22:54]
Amanda
Oh, cool.
[22:54]
Courtney Miller
And everyone else is peasants. And they're in my inn, and I am the wench, and I'm serving you soup.
[23:01]
Amanda
And there's not enough soup, but there.
[23:04]
Courtney Miller
Might be enough soup for everyone to have two helpings. But you have to make sure you beg and plead for more soup. You're laughing.
[23:13]
Amanda
That's because when you pitch it to me, I can just picture the whole thing and having us be like, soup. Soup. So what's going on out there?
[23:21]
Courtney Miller
No, you cannot break character.
[23:24]
Shane
Just in between, we're just like, what the fuck?
[23:25]
Courtney Miller
No, you're not allowed.
[23:27]
Amanda
Are we getting cocktails soon? I think this is it. I think it's just.
[23:30]
Shane
I don't think there's drinks.
[23:31]
Courtney Miller
If you do that during my wenching hour, you will be removed from my inn.
[23:35]
Shane
It's a dry event. Let's be clear. The wenching hour is a dry event.
[23:39]
Courtney Miller
No, the only wet is the.
[23:40]
Amanda
The only wet is the soup.
[23:41]
Courtney Miller
And the sweat on my upper lip.
[23:43]
Amanda
Yeah.
[23:43]
Courtney Miller
And do you want to hear. Do you want to hear this? The wench, how she sounds?
[23:47]
Amanda
Oh, my God, yes.
[23:48]
Shane
Okay, let's hear this.
[23:50]
Amanda
Yes. Courtney's getting up right now.
[23:52]
Shane
Courtney has put her jacket over her head.
[23:54]
Courtney Miller
This would be like this.
[24:02]
Amanda
You're going to hurt your voice for an hour. Do you know what I want? I want her to do all the sound effects, even when she's ladling.
[24:13]
Courtney Miller
I might. If no one's delivering enough that would.
[24:16]
Shane
You know what would really mess with everyone is if there is no soup and you're just pretending there's soup, and everyone's, like, expecting it.
[24:23]
Amanda
That's weird that you said that. Cause I just watched Hook. Remember that part?
[24:27]
Courtney Miller
Oh, yeah. The imaginary food festival.
[24:29]
Shane
You are kind of just Captain Hook in this situation.
[24:31]
Amanda
No, Captain Hook is way. He has full language. He is. He's brilliant. Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook.
[24:39]
Courtney Miller
Oh, my.
[24:40]
Shane
Courtney kind of Courtney Miller as the wench. Not nearly as good of a person.
[24:44]
Amanda
Well, she doesn't have any words. No. Dustin Hoffman has a lot of literature that he's saying. She's going.
[24:51]
Shane
And also, Dustin Hoffman ate garlic to repulse the children when he was.
[24:55]
Courtney Miller
Yes. That's so messed up.
[24:57]
Amanda
Wait, he did?
[24:58]
Shane
Apparently. That's a fact. I'm not kidding. That he would. So that when he was, like, doing scenes with them, they were like, ugh, that's gross. I know.
[25:05]
Courtney Miller
Did you know what I said when they told me that? That's what I said.
[25:13]
Shane
That's. That's pretty good. Hey, that's pretty good.
[25:16]
Amanda
Does silent laughs count as laughs?
[25:20]
Shane
Selena is the judge today, Selena's judging.
[25:23]
Amanda
Okay.
[25:24]
Shane
Wow.
[25:24]
Amanda
Laughing out loud. Okay.
[25:26]
Shane
I'm laughing out loud.
[25:27]
Courtney Miller
Be careful. Hearing a fine line.
[25:34]
Shane
Oh, amoogas.
[25:36]
Amanda
I can see that. This is under a tab called My Favorites.
[25:39]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, I customized my soundboard, bro.
[25:41]
Amanda
Bro, that is sick.
[25:43]
Shane
That's pretty crazy. Hey. Okay, Courtney, you wrote something out that's really cool. That was really awesome of you to do.
[25:51]
Courtney Miller
Thanks.
[25:52]
Shane
You're a good writer. I like. That was really well written. We know you're a good writer.
[25:56]
Amanda
Yeah, you're a great writer. And you're the only one with a birthday this year, so we gotta make this big green light it.
[26:02]
Shane
People who watch Smosh know that you've written a lot, particularly your diary entries over the years.
[26:09]
Courtney Miller
Are you guys ganging up on me?
[26:10]
Shane
No.
[26:10]
Amanda
No. I literally have no idea what he's doing. But he.
[26:13]
Courtney Miller
You're just so good at, like. Yes. Anding that. It literally feels like you're part of what he's doing.
[26:16]
Amanda
Yeah, I am.
[26:18]
Shane
Right?
[26:18]
Amanda
I don't know what he's doing.
[26:20]
Shane
But. But you've read so many of your diary entries. What's crazy to me is there's a bunch of diary entries that we haven't read.
[26:27]
Courtney Miller
That's correct.
[26:28]
Shane
And so I have a couple here because you've. You know, you've shared them around the office.
[26:33]
Amanda
Oh, I know. That's the thing is I. I've started to. I've started to prepare myself and know where he. Where he's headed.
[26:40]
Courtney Miller
You know, how I feel about.
[26:41]
Shane
What?
[26:41]
Amanda
You're about to take personality tests. Yippee. Yippee.
[26:44]
Shane
Yeah, we did take personality tests. Turns out I'm 100% that bitch.
[26:48]
Amanda
No, that's not what it was. In fact, you're not that bitch.
[26:53]
Shane
I am. No, it. The Myers Briggs said you're that bitch.
[26:56]
Amanda
No, the Myers Briggs said that you were judgmental. It said.
[26:59]
Shane
It said you're that bitch. And for you, it said you ain't even shit. Parenthesis. Fart.
[27:03]
Amanda
Well, I'm even the fart. Well, I'm an ass.
[27:06]
Shane
Copyright struck by Ice Spice now. Okay, Courtney, I have a diary entry.
[27:11]
Courtney Miller
Here from my diary.
[27:13]
Shane
From your diary that we have not read. And I thought here on Smoshmouth, you could read it for the first time.
[27:20]
Amanda
Whoa. So you typed out your diary entries, huh? That's awesome.
[27:24]
Courtney Miller
I actually did. I scripted them out for those videos.
[27:27]
Shane
Yeah, but this is in its original form, like before. It's scripted out. Just a plain old diary entry.
[27:34]
Amanda
Wow.
[27:34]
Courtney Miller
Comic Sans.
[27:35]
Shane
I know. That was your choice.
[27:37]
Amanda
Whoa. So she's a comedian from the start. Because when you do Comic Sans.
[27:40]
Courtney Miller
Comic Sans. Actually, Sans means without, so. It actually means not funny, so stop.
[27:45]
Amanda
Yeah, but Comic Sans is the funniest font I've ever seen.
[27:49]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, you are Sans comedy commie. Comic Sans. Yeah. Okay, okay. I will read this. Sorry. I will read this.
[27:57]
Shane
This is Courtney's diary entry that we've never heard before.
[28:00]
Amanda
So where that you found it?
[28:04]
Courtney Miller
November 12, 2000. Whatever. Fallout Boy is popular. Dear diary, just when I thought I was over Johnny, he pulls me back in. I walked into school today with my suitcase. Backpack rolling behind me. Whoa.
[28:22]
Amanda
No, Sherman.
[28:23]
Courtney Miller
To be an independent woman.
[28:25]
Amanda
Oh, we don't want that.
[28:26]
Courtney Miller
Doesn't need a man. When I saw Johnny rocking his leather jacket and leaning against his locker, he winked at me and then did a little spin and pointed finger guns at me.
[28:39]
Amanda
Oh, no.
[28:40]
Courtney Miller
He then fired his finger guns and fireworks flew out from his fingertips and caused the ceiling sprinklers to go.
[28:51]
Amanda
Was that in your imagination, or did that really happen?
[28:53]
Shane
That happened.
[28:54]
Courtney Miller
Mrs. Kalowitz. Mrs. Kalowitz, our math teacher immediately melted from the water. It turns out she was the Wicked Witch of the West.
[29:05]
Amanda
Oh, my God.
[29:06]
Shane
Crazy. What a school.
[29:08]
Courtney Miller
At lunch. Oh. So the school day continues. At lunch. I was heading over to my table. I sit alone with a tray of food, when someone bumped into me, causing my tray to fill up into the air.
[29:22]
Shane
Fill up?
[29:23]
Courtney Miller
Oh, wait, fly up.
[29:24]
Amanda
Fly up your tray. What magical school are you in?
[29:27]
Courtney Miller
Causing my tray to fly up into the air. Just as I thought it was going to all come crashing down, Johnny caught me in one hand and perfectly caught the tray and all of the food on top of it with his other hand.
[29:41]
Amanda
What? You're dumb.
[29:42]
Courtney Miller
That's in Twilight.
[29:44]
Shane
That's in Twilight?
[29:45]
Amanda
Yeah, it's in Twilight. Did you recently watch it?
[29:48]
Shane
Keep reading.
[29:49]
Courtney Miller
It was flawless. And the school bully, Flash Thompson, was super pissed off that Johnny looked so cool doing it. Oh, it's Spider Man.
[29:59]
Shane
Yeah, it was in Spider man first.
[30:02]
Amanda
Twilight came out way before Spider Man.
[30:04]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. Also, no, I. You're right.
[30:06]
Shane
What the hell are you talking about?
[30:08]
Amanda
Don't speak to me like that.
[30:10]
Courtney Miller
So I was wrong. No, no, I was wrong. Edward Cullen actually just caught a little apple.
[30:16]
Shane
Yeah, that's in the COVID But he.
[30:17]
Amanda
Would have caught her. No, he did catch her because a truck was coming to me.
[30:21]
Courtney Miller
Oh, yeah.
[30:21]
Amanda
And he pushed and then he went.
[30:22]
Courtney Miller
And he punched a car.
[30:24]
Shane
Spider man stopped a whole fucking subway.
[30:27]
Courtney Miller
If Spider man and Edward Cullen. Okay, I had to finish this journal.
[30:30]
Shane
Spider man would rock Edward Cullen has no webs.
[30:32]
Amanda
What can you do?
[30:33]
Courtney Miller
Oh, honey.
[30:34]
Shane
Spider man would blow Edward Coen's jaw off.
[30:39]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, that's. No, I think it's the other way around, sir.
[30:41]
Shane
No. Oh, no.
[30:43]
Amanda
Jacob would.
[30:45]
Courtney Miller
No, that's. Jacob's not part of this.
[30:47]
Amanda
Jacob would come in.
[30:48]
Courtney Miller
You're like, bella, I need to finish my diary. I need to finish my diary.
[30:52]
Amanda
That's good.
[30:54]
Courtney Miller
It was flawless. And the school bully, Flash Thompson was super pissed off that Johnny looked so cool doing it.
[31:00]
Amanda
Ugh.
[31:00]
Courtney Miller
I can't help but feel I'm falling for Johnny again. Anyways, it's time for me to bedazzle my face and go scare the neighborhood children. Oh, love cockney.
[31:09]
Shane
Wow. That's crazy.
[31:11]
Amanda
This is ridiculous.
[31:13]
Shane
That was pretty nuts. I can't believe. Did you ever think that Johnny might be Spider man or Edward Cullen or both?
[31:19]
Amanda
Johnny sounds cool, but your Rolling suitcase is concerning.
[31:23]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, I only had one for one year and that was third grade. Okay.
[31:27]
Shane
Did you actually have one third grade?
[31:29]
Courtney Miller
It wasn't my choice.
[31:29]
Shane
Did I call that? That's incredible.
[31:31]
Courtney Miller
I didn't have it in middle school.
[31:32]
Shane
I didn't know you were that much.
[31:34]
Amanda
Rolling suitcase in my town, in my school was like.
[31:37]
Shane
Oh, yeah.
[31:38]
Amanda
It was like the guy with the trench coat and the Django jeans and a rolling suitcase.
[31:42]
Shane
Okay. JNCO jeans makes him awesome.
[31:44]
Amanda
Djang.
[31:45]
Shane
Django jeans.
[31:46]
Amanda
You guys seen that? Seen that movie?
[31:49]
Shane
Did you ever have JNCO jeans?
[31:51]
Amanda
No, I had whatever the F my sisters didn't want to wear anymore.
[31:55]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, dude, it was most. It was hand me downs until I was literally, I think, 13.
[31:59]
Amanda
Yeah, mine were a lot of spandex and like oversized T shirts or like Esmeralda skirts. I literally looked like a Spanish dancer most of my years of life.
[32:09]
Courtney Miller
Yeah.
[32:11]
Amanda
I'm not kidding.
[32:12]
Shane
Okay.
[32:13]
Amanda
Truly, you are.
[32:14]
Courtney Miller
What?
[32:14]
Amanda
I looked like a Spanish dancer for most of my high school years.
[32:17]
Courtney Miller
That's amazing.
[32:18]
Amanda
And then like, some Hollister years when my mom was, like, feeling frisky, I.
[32:22]
Courtney Miller
Looked like a deep fried Old Navy mannequin.
[32:26]
Shane
That's awesome. See, I've seen. We've seen photos of you when you were in middle school and stuff. You look like both Zach and Cody.
[32:34]
Amanda
God. You know, I've never seen Zack and Cody in the amount Selena lost it on that one that comes up here.
[32:40]
Shane
But you do look like Zack and Cody. Okay, let's go. Okay. That video is incredible. Do you know what that the context is of that?
[32:49]
Courtney Miller
Yes.
[32:50]
Shane
Okay.
[32:51]
Courtney Miller
A kid built his own little roller coaster out of toys and sticks.
[32:55]
Shane
Really cool. And so it's like he's about to start up his whole, like, toy contraption he's created, and he just goes, I can do a perfect impression. Okay, let's go.
[33:03]
Courtney Miller
I just played it.
[33:03]
Shane
Yeah, but I just did it really well.
[33:05]
Amanda
I don't know if I'm gonna see that video or if I ever will watch that video.
[33:08]
Shane
Amanda, you are now locked into the Internet, okay? You are. You're fully versed in it. And people know that because they've seen us beat Five Nights at Fred.
[33:17]
Amanda
People.com know that.
[33:19]
Shane
Yeah, but Five Nights at Freddy's 2. You defeated you. You beat Five Nights at Freddy's 2. And it was. You beat A Night in Five Nights at Freddy's.
[33:30]
Amanda
That was crazy.
[33:30]
Shane
That was really impressive. In fact, it was so impressive, I got a phone call and I got a message from someone and I thought, no way. What's this about? Check it out. Amanda. Hello, Amanda, it is me, Scott Cawthorn, creator of the hit franchise Five Nights at Freddy's.
[33:51]
Amanda
Oh, here.
[33:52]
Shane
You're a new fan to my series and are growing quite adept at playing it. Bravo. I'm happy to hear that. God Save the King.
[34:02]
Amanda
What?
[34:02]
Shane
That's crazy.
[34:03]
Courtney Miller
Why is he so rich?
[34:05]
Shane
Well, he's. Because he invented Five Nights at Freddy's. He's making all that. That Five Nights at Freddy's.
[34:09]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. And I also. I have something. I met Markiplier the other day and remember you were there and. And he was so impressed with your. Your gaming.
[34:20]
Amanda
Yeah.
[34:20]
Courtney Miller
And he said this and let him. Let the whole thing.
[34:25]
Shane
Did I not see you before? You're so Portuguese.
[34:31]
Amanda
Oh, my God. Wait, that's literally sound.
[34:35]
Courtney Miller
That's Markiplier.
[34:35]
Amanda
That's my sound.
[34:36]
Courtney Miller
That whole thing.
[34:37]
Amanda
Yeah, that's. That's me. I'm a kitty and I'm Portuguese.
[34:41]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. You were really excited. You were telling Angela about it the next day and this is what your guys conversation was.
[34:56]
Amanda
That's so true. None of us.
[34:58]
Courtney Miller
So sorry.
[34:59]
Amanda
None of us. None of us. Really. We don't listen to each other. We just talk.
[35:02]
Shane
Courtney, has Ebaum's world pulled up on her phone?
[35:05]
Amanda
Courtney, you're crushing it.
[35:07]
Courtney Miller
No, no, no, no, no.
[35:09]
Amanda
You are.
[35:09]
Shane
No, Courtney, you are crushing it. Let's give you that.
[35:13]
Courtney Miller
How far in are we?
[35:15]
Shane
We're about 35. Yeah.
[35:18]
Amanda
Wait.
[35:18]
Shane
Yeah. Why do you ask?
[35:20]
Courtney Miller
I. Did you have something you wanted to share?
[35:22]
Amanda
Yeah.
[35:23]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. I feel like we've been really. Shane and I have been really steamrolling you.
[35:26]
Amanda
No, not at all. This is fantastic. You guys are trying to make me laugh. It's not gonna work.
[35:31]
Courtney Miller
Okay.
[35:32]
Amanda
I got a voicemail, weirdly enough, from someone that I know from home.
[35:37]
Courtney Miller
From home.
[35:38]
Amanda
This one's under two minutes.
[35:40]
Shane
Oh, good.
[35:42]
Amanda
Hello, Amy, it's your mother calling you. So I'm a little bit confused because it is already 10:30 and you are not home, and I've been sitting in the living room waiting for you. You said you were going out to Chili's with your friends. I know for a fact that Chili's closes at 10. It is 10:30. You're about 15 minutes away, and I don't understand where you are. Your father. Your father's so pissed that he's in the garage right now and he is banging his head against our suv. So I just wanted to. When you come home and there's a hole in the suv, it's. Cause your father was so pissed, he couldn't even look you in the eye, and he started banging his head on the suv. So when you get home, politely tap me on the shoulder so I can beat you two smithereens to a pulp, all right?
[36:33]
Courtney Miller
Smithereens to a pulp.
[36:35]
Amanda
So much. I am drinking a bottle. A bottle of. You'll never know. All right? And stop going to my Peach Snobs. And stop filling up my Peach Snobs with water. I know that it's water, and I'm fucking pissed at you. All right? I love you. I love you very much. Please be safe. If you are drunk, call me and I will pick you up.
[36:56]
Shane
She just said she's drinking a bottle.
[37:00]
Courtney Miller
I'm drunk.
[37:01]
Amanda
I will do it.
[37:02]
Shane
The best part is that you'll play those recordings and you start mouthing it.
[37:06]
Amanda
As you're listening to it and want to hear something. I recorded that the last time. This is not new.
[37:12]
Shane
This is from the previous.
[37:13]
Amanda
I recorded for the previous one and didn't play it.
[37:15]
Shane
Oh, my God.
[37:16]
Amanda
Your father is banging his head against his sweet, and I will wake you up. The Peach Snobs thing is real, you know? That's someone that I know because I used to fill my mom's peach schnapps with water. Because I'd be like. I'd be like, we're gonna drink peach schnapps tonight on a sleepover. And then I'd fill it with water, and she'd be like, amanda, my peach schnapps is water.
[37:38]
Shane
At this point, would your mom just drink Peach Snobs straight?
[37:41]
Amanda
I don't know why she had waffles.
[37:42]
Shane
No.
[37:43]
Courtney Miller
Yummy. I once. It's yummy. Peach schnapps is yummy.
[37:47]
Amanda
It is pretty good.
[37:49]
Courtney Miller
I was being real.
[37:50]
Amanda
No, literally. She used to have weird shit in her cabinet, like, white Russian stuff.
[37:54]
Courtney Miller
What percent is peach schnapps like, wine?
[37:56]
Shane
I don't actually know.
[37:57]
Amanda
It's a liqueur.
[37:59]
Courtney Miller
I added it to a Sprite. I added it to a Sprite once, and I put some raspberries in it and pieces of mint.
[38:05]
Shane
Oh.
[38:06]
Courtney Miller
And for this podcast, I was over 21, 15%. Okay, so it's like wine. So it's like a little, like a spritzer. How much is wine?
[38:16]
Shane
Wine is around, like, 12 to 15. Yeah, so.
[38:20]
Courtney Miller
So, yeah, exactly.
[38:21]
Amanda
Peach schnapps is yummy. It's insects on the beach, y'all.
[38:25]
Shane
Okay. Okay.
[38:26]
Amanda
Let's be real. Peach schnapps and lemonade.
[38:29]
Shane
Well, that's a cool.
[38:29]
Amanda
A fuzzy navel.
[38:31]
Shane
What the hell?
[38:32]
Amanda
Oh, you haven't been on an island, have you?
[38:36]
Shane
I have been on an island before.
[38:37]
Courtney Miller
I've been on an island.
[38:39]
Shane
I have been on an island before with a volleyball, and we grew very close.
[38:44]
Amanda
You grew. You in the volleyball community?
[38:46]
Shane
The volleyball and I became very close. And then. Well, I was there for four years, but I had this package that I refused. Stop talking about your package, because the package represented hope.
[38:57]
Amanda
Okay?
[38:57]
Shane
And so I had to get home. And eventually, luckily, a porta potty showed up on the island, and I used it as a sail, and I got off the island.
[39:05]
Amanda
Okay.
[39:06]
Shane
But I. But I knew the. I knew it was gonna be tough to get off because that's twice the size of Texas, and I knew I had to get out there. Get off.
[39:12]
Amanda
Jane, you've never left your house before. Yeah, because you just live through movies and Internet.
[39:17]
Shane
Yeah, it happened to me.
[39:18]
Amanda
Okay?
[39:19]
Shane
That. Really. Courtney, you know, I.
[39:24]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. What? You.
[39:26]
Shane
All right, enough about peach schnapps. Let's. Courtney, I have another diary entry here from you. Oh, wow.
[39:32]
Courtney Miller
I'm so glad you found these.
[39:33]
Shane
Another one of your diary entries.
[39:35]
Amanda
It's Comic Sans.
[39:37]
Shane
Comic Sans? That's so weird.
[39:40]
Courtney Miller
Sans, comedy printed. Guys, this is my diary.
[39:45]
Amanda
Keep typing up your diary entries. Very fun.
[39:47]
Shane
All right, go ahead.
[39:49]
Courtney Miller
February 19, 2000. Whatever. Bumpits are in.
[39:54]
Amanda
No, they're not.
[39:55]
Shane
Well, they were in then.
[39:56]
Amanda
Okay.
[39:58]
Courtney Miller
Dear Diarrhea, Donnie and I are in love, but it is a forbidden love, for Tommy is the quarterback of the football team, and I am cringe.
[40:09]
Amanda
Tommy?
[40:10]
Shane
Johnny.
[40:11]
Courtney Miller
Oops.
[40:12]
Amanda
Who's Tommy?
[40:13]
Shane
Was that written or did you.
[40:14]
Courtney Miller
No, no, no. It says Johnny, I don't know, miles away.
[40:17]
Shane
Wait, on.
[40:18]
Amanda
Who's Tommy.
[40:18]
Courtney Miller
Tommy's are. Well, it's. That's not the real name, remember? We know the real name.
[40:24]
Amanda
Yeah, we do.
[40:25]
Shane
Okay.
[40:26]
Amanda
But Tommy.
[40:27]
Courtney Miller
But it is a forbidden love. For Johnny is the quarterback of the football team and I am cringe.
[40:34]
Shane
That's true.
[40:36]
Amanda
You can't do this.
[40:41]
Courtney Miller
Because of this, our relationship must remain in the shadows. No one can know except for Johnny and I. In public, he pretends to be disgusted by me, even scared of me. But in truth, I can tell he loves me with every fiber of his being. When I leave secret notes in his locker, he crumples.
[41:02]
Amanda
Sorry.
[41:04]
Courtney Miller
When I leave secret notes in his locker, he crumples them up and throws them away. But in a manner that is filled with passion and lust.
[41:12]
Amanda
That's wrong.
[41:14]
Courtney Miller
At night, I camp out in the bushes outside of his bedroom. This is so chosen. Koda chain. And throw heart shaped rocks at his window. Sometimes he calls the cops and I must flee. It's a silly little love game we play.
[41:30]
Amanda
No, it's not.
[41:31]
Courtney Miller
Anyways, sweetie, I'm gonna wrap my Bratz doll with silly bands until it explodes.
[41:38]
Amanda
That's funny.
[41:39]
Courtney Miller
Love Cortini Beanie Boopie.
[41:43]
Amanda
It's funny because thinking of you typing this up just makes me laugh.
[41:50]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. Wow. Did you, like, get into the head of a teenager?
[41:53]
Amanda
Heart shaped rocks? No, those don't exist. If they did, trust me, if heart.
[41:59]
Shane
Shaped boxes exist, then heart shaped rocks exist.
[42:02]
Amanda
No, they don't.
[42:03]
Shane
Yes, they do. Kurt Cobain said so.
[42:05]
Amanda
They would have been on someone's front walkway in the East Coast. Trust in me. Oh.
[42:09]
Shane
In their little fairy houses.
[42:10]
Amanda
And they would have said, like, love. Oh, yeah. I love fairy houses. They're everywhere. You know fairies are real, right? Every time you say a fairy's not real, it dies. I learned that in Hook recently.
[42:22]
Courtney Miller
For. Speaking of fairies, I'm reading a book.
[42:27]
Shane
Called Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas.
[42:31]
Amanda
Who's that?
[42:32]
Shane
Sarah J. Maas.
[42:34]
Amanda
Is that her name?
[42:35]
Courtney Miller
She's a prodigy.
[42:36]
Shane
Yeah.
[42:37]
Amanda
Court of what?
[42:38]
Courtney Miller
Thorns and Roses.
[42:40]
Amanda
Cult of thorns and roses.
[42:41]
Courtney Miller
It's horny. Beauty and the Beast.
[42:45]
Amanda
Get me that book.
[42:47]
Courtney Miller
Except for beauty is badass and she has arrows. So it's like. It's like brave. Beauty and the Beast.
[42:53]
Amanda
So you know that Shane got Bell in his personality test?
[42:56]
Shane
That's me.
[42:56]
Courtney Miller
Wow.
[42:57]
Shane
Because I read a book.
[42:58]
Amanda
1. And his. And his dad.
[43:01]
Shane
I read and I got that beast in me.
[43:04]
Courtney Miller
Did you also get the results of the quiz?
[43:07]
Amanda
All that is wrong.
[43:08]
Courtney Miller
Did you? Because, like, I know there was one personality quiz that the result was 6 Honda Civic.
[43:15]
Amanda
26 Honda Civic.
[43:16]
Courtney Miller
2006 Honda Civic.
[43:18]
Amanda
2006 Honda Civic.2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. Oh, he went down on that one.
[43:25]
Shane
Caught me off guard.
[43:26]
Amanda
He went down on that one.
[43:28]
Courtney Miller
That was Squidward.
[43:29]
Shane
Oh, you don't say.
[43:31]
Amanda
Well, that's cause you're a Honda Civic.
[43:33]
Shane
I am a Honda Civic.
[43:34]
Courtney Miller
You are a 2006 Honda Civic.
[43:35]
Shane
Yeah, Tommy did say I'm a sexless Honda Civic.
[43:37]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, because you won't die, but you can record.
[43:39]
Shane
Right?
[43:39]
Amanda
But you're also beauty. You're also Belle. You're also an astronaut, Belle.
[43:44]
Shane
I am an astronaut.
[43:44]
Courtney Miller
Bell, you're also.
[43:46]
Amanda
And you're also so many other things. So many other things.
[43:56]
Courtney Miller
I have something for both of you.
[43:57]
Shane
Oh, yeah.
[43:58]
Courtney Miller
No, guys, this is serious.
[44:00]
Shane
Okay, you know what, Courtney? Go ahead.
[44:04]
Courtney Miller
What's wrong?
[44:04]
Shane
The Bluetooth device is connected. Successfully.
[44:08]
Amanda
That was not successfully.
[44:10]
Courtney Miller
That was not my intention. So I have some news for you guys, but I. I don't want to tell you myself. So I have a doctor's note.
[44:23]
Shane
Oh, God.
[44:24]
Courtney Miller
So if it's okay, this would mean a lot to me.
[44:28]
Amanda
Oh, you're sick.
[44:28]
Courtney Miller
You guys could read this.
[44:29]
Shane
That's a lot.
[44:30]
Amanda
You're sick.
[44:31]
Courtney Miller
Yeah.
[44:32]
Amanda
Wait.
[44:33]
Courtney Miller
Don't read it.
[44:34]
Amanda
Is he gonna pass it to me when it's.
[44:36]
Courtney Miller
Just don't read ahead. You must.
[44:38]
Shane
Okay. Okay.
[44:38]
Courtney Miller
Is this okay?
[44:39]
Shane
Yeah, I can read it. I'll just. I'll read it. I'll just read the whole thing.
[44:42]
Courtney Miller
No, but there's parts that are supposed to be read by Amanda, too.
[44:45]
Shane
Yeah, and I have to hold a handle.
[44:46]
Courtney Miller
And you guys will pass it back home to me. The doctor wrote it this way. I don't know what to tell you.
[44:51]
Shane
I'll hand it over.
[44:52]
Courtney Miller
Why are you so mad at me? I'm sick.
[44:54]
Shane
Okay? You could have printed out two copies of this.
[44:56]
Amanda
Remember A Walk to Remember, the movie? She's sick and she didn't want you to take care of it. We wanted to get married in the church.
[45:03]
Shane
She's not Mandy Moore.
[45:05]
Amanda
She wanted to get married in the church that her family got married.
[45:07]
Courtney Miller
I could be Mandy Moore.
[45:09]
Amanda
She's sick and she wants to do the play.
[45:11]
Shane
I will read it.
[45:12]
Courtney Miller
And don't read ahead.
[45:13]
Shane
I won't read ahead.
[45:14]
Courtney Miller
You do that.
[45:15]
Shane
I don't read ahead.
[45:16]
Amanda
You do.
[45:17]
Shane
I don't.
[45:19]
Amanda
That's why you're a fast reader.
[45:20]
Courtney Miller
You're barely reading, and you have to pass it back and forth.
[45:22]
Shane
I just glance at it. That's okay. Here we go.
[45:25]
Amanda
Reading.
[45:25]
Courtney Miller
Okay. Thank you.
[45:27]
Shane
Dear Amanda and Shane, Courtney is dying due to an illness that is so new and so rare that it is still being studied. She only has seven months to live.
[45:36]
Courtney Miller
No, that's not what it says.
[45:38]
Shane
She only has seven moments to live.
[45:41]
Courtney Miller
Mm.
[45:41]
Amanda
Redo it.
[45:43]
Courtney Miller
Start over.
[45:44]
Shane
Courtney is dying due to an illness that is so new and so rare that it is still being studied. She only has seven moments to live. My name is Dr. Granda. I must task you with a very important task. With Courtney Ruth Miller's epic passing upon us, there is a procedure that you must handle. The disease doesn't even have a name yet. It's so new and mysterious that it doesn't have a name. Crazy. Did the chosen write this?
[46:10]
Courtney Miller
No.
[46:11]
Shane
In order to lay Courtney to rest in the best manner, you must alleviate her of any and all insecurities, uncertainties, and anxieties she has been carrying with her for many millennial. Give me a break. Please take turns reading from the following so that she may truly feel validated before passing on to hell.
[46:32]
Amanda
Facts. I also feel like seven moments have gone.
[46:36]
Courtney Miller
No.
[46:36]
Amanda
Okay.
[46:37]
Shane
So that she may truly feel validated before passing on to hell. Dash. The McDonald's in the Thousand Oaks Mall in the year 2004. This is a doctor's note, so you legally have to finish this task that I have tasked you with. Thanks.
[46:54]
Courtney Miller
This has your name. I wear. You talk at the do.
[46:57]
Amanda
Courtney, no one is mad at you, including the landlord that showed you that one apartment on Laurel Canyon, and you said, this is amazing. I'll definitely apply. And you never did. They don't care that you didn't apply for the apartment. That was four years ago. They are fine. God, this is actually amazing.
[47:19]
Shane
Courtney, your knees are lovely. They have no creases. They don't wrinkle and make little faces when you stand up straight. It doesn't look like you have two toddlers standing in front of you. When I close my eyes halfway and zone out of focus. Your legs are so cool.
[47:36]
Amanda
Okay, this is fucking brilliant. Courtney, Ian Hecox respects you. He respects you so much that he just can't say it out loud because if he does, he'll tear up. And he's afraid that will make him look gay, so he can't trust the process. Trust the process.
[48:07]
Shane
Okay.
[48:07]
Amanda
This is brilliant.
[48:08]
Shane
You are a great driver. You have eyes like an eagle and can see every possible move before a car even makes it. You don't need Google Maps because you know this city, but you still use it because you just like to know how long the drive will take.
[48:27]
Amanda
No one can see your scoliosis. Your back is immaculately symmetrical, and your left side of your spine doesn't have more meat on it than the right side. You walk normal, too. You're not slightly veering to the left all the time. You just like to go left because your favorite things tend to be over there. Your favorite things things tend to be over there.
[48:58]
Shane
Courtney, when you make a joke during a meeting and people kind of laugh.
[49:05]
Amanda
This one's legit.
[49:09]
Shane
Courtney, when you make a joke during a meeting and people kind of laugh, that shit's real right there. They are not pity laughing. You are a funny guy and no one is scared of you. You genuinely made them laugh, and they probably would have laughed harder, but they just didn't finish their coffee yet.
[49:31]
Amanda
God, that's real. Your right boob is just as awesome as your left boob. You do not have Poland syndrome. Stop Googling it, because it's not what you have. Your rack is a. And you know what I always say. Grabbing your weird boobs is better than grabbing no boobs at all. And you don't even have weird boobs, so don't. So you don't even need to remember that. I can't even pick a favorite boob because they're both so awesome. Get it, girlfriend? Oh, my God. This is brilliant.
[50:12]
Shane
We're getting destroyed right now.
[50:13]
Amanda
Brilliant.
[50:14]
Shane
Oh, God. Okay, Courtney, we just want to reiterate that no one is mad at you, including that parking attendant who tried to help you put your ticket in the machine, but you said, no need. I got it. And put it in the machine yourself. The parking attendant did not feel inadequate or useless. He was fine. He still has a job.
[50:34]
Amanda
This is so real. Hey, bestie. You are not racist. You are aware of your whiteness and the life that has been given to you. You remember your privilege every day.
[50:50]
Courtney Miller
Wow.
[50:51]
Shane
Come on. Courtney Ruth Miller, your tiktoks are not cringe. They aren't uncomfortable to watch at all. In fact, everyone wishes you posted more often. You are so slay. You are aging gracefully. The Gen Z girlies see you on their for you page and don't even think twice. They cannot smell your fear. Your iconic boots. Mary.
[51:18]
Amanda
Okay, that was excellent.
[51:21]
Shane
That was. That was insane.
[51:23]
Amanda
That was. You should frame that.
[51:25]
Courtney Miller
Thank you guys so much. And I now can die peacefully knowing that I was right about everything.
[51:30]
Amanda
Yeah. Okay, well, how long is a moment for you actually now?
[51:34]
Courtney Miller
I don't know. Maybe months or years.
[51:38]
Shane
Every moment is 10 years.
[51:39]
Amanda
I. I have so much to say about that? Because I relate to that so much.
[51:46]
Courtney Miller
Thanks, guys.
[51:47]
Amanda
That was fucking awesome for me. That was awesome.
[51:50]
Courtney Miller
Thank you, guys.
[51:51]
Amanda
Especially the parking attendant where they're like, let me help you. And you're like, nah, I got it.
[51:54]
Courtney Miller
No, I have hands. I can put it in. I see the slot. Thank you.
[51:57]
Amanda
You're like, okay, well. And you're like, yeah, but if you want to help me, you can. They're already gone. They're already gone.
[52:06]
Shane
They do not give a shit.
[52:07]
Courtney Miller
They don't.
[52:08]
Amanda
They don't.
[52:09]
Courtney Miller
They got a good life.
[52:09]
Shane
I think about it a lot. I do think about it.
[52:12]
Amanda
That was excellent.
[52:12]
Shane
That was. That was crazy.
[52:14]
Courtney Miller
Thank you so much for reading my doctor's note, guys.
[52:16]
Shane
That was. That was the crazy.
[52:18]
Amanda
So where are you going to be buried?
[52:19]
Courtney Miller
Probably at the KFC and West Lake.
[52:25]
Amanda
Where in the kfc.
[52:28]
Courtney Miller
Hopefully, the tiles will come up pretty easily in the middle and I'll just like. The guy will just go, no, no, just push me.
[52:38]
Shane
The kernel.
[52:39]
Courtney Miller
Yeah.
[52:40]
Amanda
You don't want to be buried under there.
[52:42]
Courtney Miller
Every KFC has a kernel, and I do because that's what I was basically eating from the years 11 to 13.
[52:49]
Amanda
But you're not gonna get good food. You're just gonna get oils from people standing and waiting in line.
[52:54]
Courtney Miller
But we love oils.
[52:56]
Amanda
Not me. You love oil. No, no, no. You love oil.
[53:00]
Shane
We at Smosh do not love oil.
[53:03]
Courtney Miller
Olive oil.
[53:04]
Amanda
I had Burger King growing up. It was the kind of Burger King that, like, my grandmother would feed her dog, who was a sumo. What's a sumo?
[53:12]
Shane
Sumoyed.
[53:14]
Amanda
I don't know.
[53:15]
Shane
A sumo, a shih Tzu. That was so far off.
[53:18]
Courtney Miller
That was a different word.
[53:19]
Shane
You said a completely different thing.
[53:21]
Amanda
His name was Nike, and she would give him a whole hamburger.
[53:23]
Courtney Miller
I'm sorry, a what? A Nike dog.
[53:26]
Amanda
His name was Nike.
[53:27]
Shane
Was he.
[53:27]
Courtney Miller
Okay, that is the most Boston thing.
[53:31]
Amanda
No.
[53:31]
Shane
Hey, hey, come here.
[53:33]
Courtney Miller
Nike.
[53:33]
Shane
Hey, Nike, Come here. Take your fucking burger.
[53:36]
Courtney Miller
How's your mother?
[53:37]
Shane
How's your mother?
[53:38]
Amanda
Well, she fed him a burger.
[53:41]
Shane
Shih Tzu.
[53:42]
Amanda
And he was. I liked him, but he didn't like a lot of people.
[53:45]
Shane
Yeah.
[53:45]
Amanda
Bit my sister's whole bottom lip.
[53:47]
Shane
What did he think it was, a burger?
[53:49]
Amanda
No, she was just, like, too close to him, and he was like, get the fuck away.
[53:52]
Courtney Miller
Small dogs don't like when your face is near their face.
[53:55]
Amanda
Also dogs, it's hard. Like, putting your face near their face is scary.
[53:59]
Courtney Miller
Our faces are huge.
[54:01]
Amanda
Yeah.
[54:02]
Courtney Miller
We have big faces, and you're in their space. Imagine your size and a face that's literally bigger than this. Two of this table, and it comes right up to your face. That's not fun.
[54:13]
Shane
No, no, it's got to be awful.
[54:14]
Courtney Miller
I can't even see your whole face.
[54:15]
Shane
I would. I would hate this. Probably smells weird.
[54:18]
Amanda
Well, I have another voicemail, and it's short. Trust in me. It's short.
[54:26]
Shane
Okay, let's hear it.
[54:27]
Amanda
I actually got this the other day. This is Rick at the auto body shop just letting you know that Your Honda Odyssey 2017 is ready for pickup. We check the engine, and it's busted, so you probably won't be driving it for much longer, so might as well pick it up now and go for a ride. All right, thank you so much. My wife left me last week.
[55:00]
Shane
Did you drop the voice?
[55:01]
Amanda
All right, thank you. Pick up your car.
[55:06]
Courtney Miller
You fully lost the voice.
[55:08]
Shane
You're like, come and pick up your car. My wife left me last week.
[55:11]
Amanda
Here's the thing. I'm recording these.
[55:15]
Courtney Miller
I can hear you fidgeting.
[55:16]
Amanda
Like, Garthy's in the kitchen doing dishes, and he knows I'm recording these, and I'm just. And the stress knowing that he's there. Cause I know. I'm not embarrassed, but I know he's gonna walk in at some point and.
[55:29]
Shane
Go, what are you doing?
[55:31]
Amanda
Yeah. Yeah. I wonder what it's like to live with me. It must be awful.
[55:37]
Courtney Miller
I wish I could.
[55:39]
Amanda
Do you want to kind of. We have a couch that's so you.
[55:43]
Courtney Miller
Can sleep on that.
[55:44]
Amanda
Oh, she cleared her conscience.
[55:51]
Shane
Courtney. Courtney. Courtney. I have one other diary. Wait.
[56:08]
Amanda
Should we get a tally to see who's.
[56:10]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, let's get a point check in.
[56:11]
Amanda
We are. We.
[56:12]
Shane
Who's in the lead?
[56:13]
Amanda
Obviously, it's Courtney. Courtney's in the lead. Not by much. By like, five.
[56:22]
Shane
Yeah. Yeah. Amanda, you.
[56:24]
Courtney Miller
Amanda's having a blast.
[56:25]
Amanda
Thanks, Selena.
[56:26]
Courtney Miller
She's gonna live the longest because she. Because when you laugh, you gain time. You know why they say. They say you're gonna live longer? Cause you're laughing. It's. Cause instead of laugh, you're laughing instead of, like, smoking a cigarette.
[56:39]
Amanda
So there's something that Courtney does.
[56:41]
Shane
I definitely could laugh while smoking a cigarette. I'd be like, no, you would get so sick. Stop.
[56:49]
Amanda
You would get so sick. There's something that Courtney does where she tells a story, and she does this thing where she wants to laugh, but she doesn't. So she'll kind of go, like. She'll kind of do this thing where she's like, you know, like. Like, you know, like, you do this thing where you're like kind of. Kind of holding it in and then you're just like, you know what I'm talking about right here. So, yeah, you know, like, he goes. It goes to this. It's like the. The words go from side to side in your mouth.
[57:14]
Courtney Miller
Breathing is hard.
[57:15]
Shane
Comes out when he does that high pitched thing too. You'll. Yeah, like if you're. If you're. If you. I imagine you, like robbing a bank and you're like, hello.
[57:24]
Courtney Miller
Ew.
[57:26]
Shane
And okay.
[57:27]
Courtney Miller
I don't do that.
[57:27]
Amanda
It's like your judge in all rise. Your judge in all rise is so good. Yeah, you're so good.
[57:31]
Shane
That was you.
[57:32]
Courtney Miller
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[57:32]
Amanda
It's like, that's. That's. That's quite enough.
[57:34]
Shane
God, I'll never stop thinking about the spud hut.
[57:37]
Courtney Miller
That was awesome.
[57:38]
Amanda
All year.
[57:39]
Courtney Miller
Iconic.
[57:40]
Shane
That. That voice is incredible. We got all the spuds. Fettuccine, Alfredi spud.
[57:47]
Amanda
That whole video was so fun.
[57:48]
Shane
Mediterranean spud.
[57:49]
Amanda
Arasha was like, okay, we gotta get to the next round. And me and you are crying, laughing. And Courtney's wig is so fucked. All her curls are on. I wanted it. And she's like, okay, well, we gotta stop going. And Angela's like, there's a mosquito. It's one bug.
[58:06]
Courtney Miller
It's one mosquito.
[58:07]
Shane
That's not a mosquito.
[58:07]
Courtney Miller
It has a. I think it has. Carrying a larvae on its chest. I saw. I saw larvae.
[58:13]
Amanda
She's doing what she does.
[58:14]
Shane
Larvae, Larvae.
[58:17]
Courtney Miller
It had one single thing under its chest. I watched it because. Roll the clip. I was looking at it on my screen because it landed there because it wanted to try and use my soundboard. I think it tried to. To. It honestly landed on this one. I don't know that what that is, but the mosquito had a little guy.
[58:40]
Amanda
Oh, so the mosquito had a baby.
[58:42]
Courtney Miller
No, no, no. It seemed like, you know when a monkey is crawling around with a baby on its chest?
[58:45]
Shane
Yeah, yeah.
[58:47]
Amanda
Oh, so like carrying another baby.
[58:49]
Shane
A mosquito that had one child.
[58:51]
Amanda
Yeah. That's how Courtney and I get here. I carry. Walk the whole way. Courtney Gunn.
[58:59]
Courtney Miller
And for me. Huh?
[59:00]
Shane
Yeah. I think we're. I'm probably catching up right now. Yeah. I have one more diary entry for you.
[59:07]
Courtney Miller
For me that you wrote again.
[59:09]
Shane
That you wrote.
[59:09]
Courtney Miller
I wrote it.
[59:10]
Shane
This is one of your other diary entries from back in the day. This is the third one, you know, rule of threes, so.
[59:17]
Amanda
No, I don't.
[59:19]
Shane
Yeah, you get it.
[59:20]
Courtney Miller
For the record, all the information that you've put in about Johnny is so false. He would never be on the filter because he was too scrawny.
[59:26]
Shane
He could have. He was the kicker.
[59:28]
Courtney Miller
He said quarterback, sir.
[59:30]
Amanda
Well, you know, I guess you really don't know.
[59:34]
Shane
I guess they're not my diary entries. They're Courtney's.
[59:37]
Amanda
You're so right.
[59:37]
Courtney Miller
Typical Chiefs fan.
[59:39]
Amanda
You typed him up.
[59:40]
Shane
Stop it.
[59:40]
Amanda
Do not say that.
[59:41]
Shane
Yeah, you know, I'm not. I've worn a Bronco shirt on this.
[59:45]
Amanda
Podcast, Actually, you were very upset.
[59:46]
Courtney Miller
He has a Taylor Swift.
[59:48]
Shane
Stop it.
[59:48]
Amanda
Were you very upset?
[59:49]
Shane
Stop it. Yeah, well, by the time I was in San Francisco when it happened, you know, it's. Oh, so.
[59:54]
Amanda
Well.
[59:54]
Shane
Oh, so everyone was stoked for that by the time this podcast airs. We're recording this before the super bowl, but this is airing after the Super Bowl. I don't know what happened. I'm gonna predict.
[60:05]
Amanda
Tell me.
[60:05]
Shane
I think the Chiefs are gonna win.
[60:07]
Amanda
Because they have Taylor Swift.
[60:08]
Shane
It just feels like Marcus is so upset, but I just think. I just think, like, it's.
[60:11]
Amanda
No, they have Taylor Swift.
[60:13]
Shane
Look, I'm upset about it, okay?
[60:14]
Courtney Miller
Calm down. Stop it.
[60:16]
Shane
I'm upset about it, but I think that's what's gonna happen. I hope I'm wrong. I hope I get to watch this and I get to go, ha. I was so silly and naive.
[60:24]
Amanda
I was a silly, silly man.
[60:25]
Courtney Miller
Will Taylor Swift make it from Japan to the game? We don't know.
[60:28]
Shane
That's the real question. She's. She's.
[60:31]
Courtney Miller
I am not a Swifty, but I'm swiftly adjacent.
[60:35]
Amanda
Taylor Switch is a singer.
[60:38]
Shane
She'll be performing in Tokyo the day before.
[60:41]
Courtney Miller
You have People magazine. You would know Taylor.
[60:43]
Amanda
Oh, I know all about Taylor, but you know what? She's not a singer in my eyes.
[60:46]
Shane
Here's the thing.
[60:47]
Amanda
She's a girlfriend and a fan.
[60:49]
Shane
Here's the thing that. Let me be real honest with both of you. I am pulling for the Niners, but I am also pulling for Travis and Taylor.
[60:57]
Courtney Miller
Okay, Chief Keef.
[60:58]
Amanda
Okay.
[60:58]
Shane
I am pulling for them. I believe in them.
[61:00]
Amanda
They're doing well. Because people told me today that when she hugged him, he said, hey there, sweetie, or whatever the fuck. I have to read it again.
[61:08]
Courtney Miller
She said, I don't know about you.
[61:10]
Amanda
And he said, where were we?
[61:11]
Shane
It was after a football game. He was probably like, no.
[61:14]
Amanda
He says, hey there, sweetie. And she said.
[61:17]
Courtney Miller
And she went.
[61:20]
Shane
Fashion. What is that?
[61:22]
Courtney Miller
That's Taylor Swift's vocalizing.
[61:24]
Shane
Oh, what the hell?
[61:26]
Amanda
Love that.
[61:27]
Shane
See, I don't want Taylor Swift to know what's going On.
[61:33]
Amanda
That's actually pretty good.
[61:35]
Courtney Miller
Romy in my room.
[61:36]
Amanda
That's actually pretty good.
[61:39]
Courtney Miller
Someone take my sundress. I'm A little sundress, Please.
[61:45]
Shane
I feel like Taylor's gonna start. This is my thought on. This is the other thing. I know about Taylor. This is gonna be what happens. This is gonna be what happens after the Super Bowl. She's gonna be performing. She'll be like, you know, my boyfriend, he scored 22 points in the Super Bowl. You know, I'm feeling 22 right now. And then the crowd loses their mind.
[62:06]
Amanda
Oh, my God.
[62:06]
Shane
And she start performing. Courtney.
[62:09]
Amanda
Courtney.
[62:09]
Shane
Your diary entry.
[62:10]
Courtney Miller
Okay?
[62:11]
Shane
Your final one.
[62:12]
Amanda
I promise, this is the last one.
[62:14]
Courtney Miller
Get those People magazine talks.
[62:15]
Amanda
I was gonna see what. What Travis said to me.
[62:17]
Courtney Miller
I wanna hear the titles.
[62:18]
Amanda
Okay?
[62:18]
Courtney Miller
Okay. But first. My strip. My fring. My diary strip.
[62:22]
Amanda
I lost.
[62:23]
Shane
What? Get it together strip.
[62:26]
Amanda
Not here.
[62:26]
Courtney Miller
May 1, 2000. Something. I own a Zune.
[62:29]
Shane
Wow. So you know what year that is?
[62:31]
Amanda
I don't know what a Zune is.
[62:32]
Shane
You don't know what a Zune is?
[62:33]
Amanda
I'm not that much older. Just exc. Explain.
[62:37]
Shane
Was it was. It was a knockoff, like iPad, iPod. IPad, iPod.
[62:42]
Amanda
A Zoom.
[62:42]
Shane
You were. You definitely were around when Zunes were a thing.
[62:46]
Amanda
Well, I guess I didn't have the money to afford it.
[62:51]
Courtney Miller
Sounds like someone.
[62:52]
Shane
I was too busy building a bridge to Terabithia.
[62:55]
Amanda
Okay, I ran with a Discman. Okay, let's just be real. And it's skipped all the time.
[63:02]
Shane
Okay?
[63:03]
Courtney Miller
All I have to do is watch Mommy and Daddy fight. That's how I'm gonna win this game.
[63:08]
Amanda
Wait till Mommy and Daddy.
[63:10]
Shane
That's the tea that Amanda is drinking right now. What tea? What kind of tea is that, Amanda?
[63:14]
Amanda
Peppermint for my voice.
[63:16]
Shane
Oh, there you go.
[63:16]
Courtney Miller
Peppermint for your tummy, Dumbass.
[63:18]
Amanda
Shut the fuck up. Damn.
[63:21]
Shane
Oh, they got me. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
[63:24]
Courtney Miller
Dear Lemon Lima, Johnny is such a jerk. Yesterday was prom, and Johnny had promised me that we'd be going together. He told me through secret messages he left in my cereal every morning.
[63:40]
Amanda
Ew.
[63:41]
Courtney Miller
But when I showed up to prom, he was there with Rebecca. Jerkis. I can't believe Johnny would betray me for a stupid C word. B word like Rebecca.
[63:52]
Amanda
You're so Disney coded.
[63:54]
Courtney Miller
I'll make him regret this. Unbeknownst. Unbeknownst to. Unbeknownst to Johnny.
[64:01]
Amanda
Big word for little kid.
[64:03]
Shane
Yeah. I can't believe they taught you that in middle school.
[64:06]
Courtney Miller
Unbeknownst to Johnny, I implanted a device in his brain that will explode when a specific sequence of words are said aloud. The plant. Okay, the plan. I will become a famous YouTuber and then say these words on air. And the. The words aren't. The words aren't there yet. But Johnny will definitely be listening because he will still be obsessed with me. Here's the words. Here is the sequence. Freddy Fazbear's big ass pussy.
[64:41]
Amanda
God. Jesus Christ.
[64:44]
Shane
A weird sequence to say in 2012. 8.
[64:47]
Courtney Miller
Freddy Fazbear's big ass pussy.
[64:51]
Shane
Johnny is dead now. Johnny has just exploded.
[64:54]
Amanda
Wait, why? Because you say it twice.
[64:56]
Shane
She just said it. If he was watching this podcast, now he's dead.
[65:00]
Amanda
Do you think he is definitely dead or watching both?
[65:05]
Courtney Miller
The sequence is entirely made up. Freddy Fazbear isn't even a real name since it's not 2014 yet. Anyways, I need to go watch the most recent Smosh sketch. It's called you'd're a bitch.
[65:19]
Amanda
You're so stupid. You are so dumb.
[65:23]
Courtney Miller
It's just Ian and Anthony calling each other a bitch for five minutes while women in bikinis dance in the background. They're the best love titties.
[65:34]
Amanda
Wait, that does sound like a real sketch. That's coming.
[65:36]
Shane
Oh, that is a real sketch. What are you talking about?
[65:39]
Amanda
That does.
[65:40]
Shane
Wait, it is pretty much. Pretty much. I can find you. I can find at least five sketches from back then where it's just them looking back and forth at each other, just going, bitch, bitch.
[65:54]
Amanda
Wow.
[65:55]
Courtney Miller
I would love to see a rapid cut of every time the word bitch has been said on Smosh.
[66:01]
Shane
It would be Ian and Anthony saying it a bunch. And then it would have a little bit of a lull, and then it would be Angela saying it a million times.
[66:08]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. So real.
[66:09]
Amanda
Have you ever thought about writing, like, a Disney show? Cause I feel like. Oh, I know these are Courtney's journal entries, but I feel like these are so, like, Disney coded. And then at the end, like, an explosion happens. It's, like, really exciting.
[66:22]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, you should do, like, a try not to laugh sitcom or something. All right, we'll see if we can.
[66:28]
Amanda
Good for you. Taylor Swift chats with Tony Romo after he accidentally called her Travis Kelce's wife.
[66:39]
Courtney Miller
He did that on purpose.
[66:40]
Amanda
Yeah.
[66:40]
Courtney Miller
Tony Romo's not a real name.
[66:42]
Amanda
That's true. He's not a real guy. Wait, was he married to Jessica Simpson?
[66:47]
Shane
Tony Romo. Tony Romo I thought was married to Carrie Underwood.
[66:49]
Amanda
You're so right. Jason Kelsey says he's unbelievably happy for Travis and can't wait to see him play in the Super Bowl. Taylor Swift wears lucky sweater from pal Gigi Hadid's brand to cheer Travis Kelce to his fourth Super Bowl. People, they. They don't give a fuck about the royals. Kate Middleton had surgery. They don't care. They don't care. They're like, good riddance, honey. Travis and Taylor, the royals are out.
[67:19]
Shane
Taylor and Travis are in.
[67:22]
Amanda
Literally.
[67:23]
Shane
Look, look, it's all Taylor and Travis.
[67:25]
Courtney Miller
This is insane. This is all.
[67:26]
Shane
It's literally. You are scrolling through the website and it is actually only.
[67:30]
Courtney Miller
Oh, God. Oh, well, the dis. This. What is that called?
[67:32]
Amanda
There's. The hard part about people is there's a lot of clickbait.
[67:35]
Shane
Oh, shitty ads.
[67:37]
Amanda
So if you have toenail fungus, try this tonight. It's genius.
[67:40]
Shane
Yeah, that's good. It's called shoes.
[67:43]
Amanda
Oh, you're a nightmare.
[67:46]
Shane
Anyways, I think we're running out of time.
[67:48]
Amanda
We are.
[67:49]
Shane
And I think. Amanda, I think we've finally. I think I've finally fallen.
[67:53]
Courtney Miller
I have the.
[67:54]
Amanda
Have you fallen?
[67:55]
Shane
I think.
[67:56]
Amanda
Okay. You're gonna get the final scores, right? Meows.
[67:59]
Courtney Miller
Yeah. But I just want to say, Shane, you're not. You could not lose because you're not that guy, pal.
[68:03]
Shane
Trust me, you're not that guy.
[68:05]
Amanda
Okay, that's actually good. That's really good. Okay, you don't have anything to back.
[68:10]
Shane
I know I don't have anything to back it up, but whatever. I.
[68:13]
Courtney Miller
You know how I'm gonna feel when I hear the score.
[68:18]
Shane
We're gonna get copyright struck at some point, Courtney.
[68:27]
Amanda
Wow.
[68:27]
Courtney Miller
You didn't laugh.
[68:28]
Shane
Laugh. And that's the only victory I need. Courtney, you have 21 laughs, I have 27 dresses, and Amanda has 55 laughs, so damn more than double.
[68:42]
Courtney Miller
You had a blast today. And you're gonna live longer than both of us.
[68:45]
Amanda
That's right. I'm gonna live a long life. And both five is my favorite number, so I got it two times.
[68:50]
Shane
Why is five your favorite number?
[68:51]
Amanda
Because it's sick.
[68:52]
Shane
No, it's not.
[68:54]
Courtney Miller
Would you guys be okay? I forgot some of these. What? They are. Can I just wrap with fire some of these?
[68:59]
Amanda
Yeah, let's close it off with.
[69:01]
Courtney Miller
If it's gonna copyrighted. I'll pay for it.
[69:04]
Shane
You'll pay for it?
[69:06]
Courtney Miller
I'll cover the cost.
[69:07]
Shane
Okay, well, our crew is looking real stoked about that idea.
[69:10]
Amanda
Courtney is getting $60 gift card to wherever she wants. Unless she wants. Yeah, unless she wants to give it to Angela. And she's gonna Close us off with some radio sounds.
[69:29]
Shane
Come on. This is what I think your brain sounds like. Now we're getting copyrighted.
[69:42]
Courtney Miller
I know, I know, I know, I know. Sorry about that one, guys.
[69:44]
Amanda
Sorry.
[69:44]
Courtney Miller
Sorry. Say.
[69:47]
Amanda
Well, we can't say that either.
[69:50]
Courtney Miller
Sorry.
[69:50]
Shane
Just. Just. Well, just cut the ones that we can't play. Just cut it.
[69:54]
Courtney Miller
Hang on, hang on.
[69:55]
Shane
Courtney is. It's Quandale Dingle here. I have been arrested for multiple crimes, including battery on a police officer, grand theft, declaring war on Italy, and public indecency. I will be escaping prison on March 28. After that, I will take over the world.
[70:10]
Amanda
Well, now we know that Courtney loves sounds, Shane loves farts, and ilovepeople.com because guess what, There's a new movie coming out, and it's a horror movie called Tarot, and I'm not making that up. So Tarot hits theaters May 10th. I'm super scared. I'm dead serious. Sony Pictures. Sony Pictures releases the trailer for its new horror movie trailer.
[70:32]
Shane
And they need to pay us to promote them like that.
[70:35]
Courtney Miller
You know why I'm so glad Shane didn't win?
[70:37]
Amanda
Because you can't keep getting away with it. Okay, that's pretty good.
[70:42]
Shane
Okay, that's good.
[70:43]
Courtney Miller
That's right.
[70:43]
Shane
Making bad reference. Courtney, you did it.
[70:46]
Courtney Miller
Thank you.
[70:47]
Shane
You came in very focused, very ready. You pulled this off. You won in Angela's honor.
[70:54]
Courtney Miller
This was for you, Angela. I'm not farting. That's my chair.
[70:56]
Shane
No, you're farting.
[70:57]
Amanda
Is it your shirt?
[70:58]
Shane
Courtney is farting a lot.
[71:00]
Amanda
Because shirts fart. It's true.
[71:02]
Shane
Guys, thank you for watching. This has been another try not to laugh episode of the podcast. Thank you for watching Smosh mouth. Congratulations, Courtney.
[71:12]
Courtney Miller
Thank you. Catch my birthday this year.
[71:14]
Amanda
Yeah.
[71:14]
Shane
We'll let you know if the wenching hour really does happen.
[71:17]
Amanda
Yeah, we'll let you know. And maybe we should do it.
[71:20]
Shane
We won't be able to film it because we're all going to be peasants.
[71:22]
Courtney Miller
Yeah, you can't be in the room unless you're a peasant.
[71:25]
Shane
Well, exclusive event. All right.
[71:27]
Amanda
Can't wait to eat soup.
[71:28]
Shane
Get out of here, guys. Bye.