#62 - The Performance Of A Lifetime

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth Episode #62 - "The Performance Of A Lifetime"

Introduction

In Episode #62 of Smosh Mouth, released on September 16, 2024, hosts Shayne Topp (Shane) and Amanda Lehan-Canto (Amanda) are joined by two special guests, Angela and Johanna, alongside Chancing Cove. The episode centers around a unique and lively performance: a cold read of an abridged version of William Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew." The hosts blend their characteristic humor with literary exploration, creating an engaging experience for both Shakespeare enthusiasts and casual listeners.

Guest Introduction and Preparation

At the outset, Shane and Amanda introduce their guests, Angela and Johanna, highlighting their enthusiasm for Shakespeare. Johanna showcases her extensive collection of Shakespearean works, including her "complete works" and journals from her studies at Oxford and the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. Johanna shares her deep passion for Shakespeare, emphasizing her long-standing commitment since high school. Amanda humorously acknowledges Johanna's dedication, mentioning, "[Amanda] don't want to hear you bully anyone for being a nerd again" (00:27).

Discussion on Shakespeare's Complexity

The conversation delves into the challenges of reading Shakespeare, with Shane admitting his struggles: "Without the... explanations on the side pages, I'd be completely lost" (05:13). Johanna offers insights into various methods of studying Shakespeare, referencing her experiences at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival and in academic settings. The group discusses the rhythmic beauty of Shakespeare's iambic pentameter and how it brings the text to life, with Johanna stating, "The text sings and it's melodic and it's beautiful" (03:53).

Super Bowl Predictions and Halftime Show Banter

Transitioning from literary discussions, the hosts engage in a spirited segment on NFL Super Bowl predictions. Shane asks for guesses on the Super Bowl winner, prompting Amanda to humorously declare, "I'm gonna go with the Patriots because I'm a die-hard Patriot fan" (11:29), despite acknowledging their recent performance. The conversation shifts to potential halftime show performers, with playful debates about artists like Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, and Katy Perry. Amanda quips, "[Amanda] feel like he (Bruno Mars) does commercials for the NFL singing" (13:20), highlighting the intersection of pop culture and sports.

Cold Read Performance of "The Taming of the Shrew"

The heart of the episode features the collaborative cold read performance. The group assigns multiple roles among themselves and Chancing Cove, preparing for their Shakespearean rendition. Amanda outlines her roles, stating she will portray various male characters, including Baptista and Vincenzo (14:23). Angela takes on roles such as Lucentio and Hortensio, while Johanna plays Grimio, Tranio, Grumio, and a tailor.

As the performance unfolds, the group navigates through the complexities of Shakespeare's dialogue with humor and improvisation. Notable moments include:

• Character Introductions and Disguises: Johanna humorously modifies Grimio's voice to differentiate from Tranio, adding a comedic twist. Angela asks, "Are we doing British or Italian accents?" (17:28), to which Shane responds, "I'm doing different accents" (17:32).

• Plot Navigation: The hosts expertly move through key scenes, highlighting the battle of wits between Petruchio and Katarina. Amanda humorously remarks on her character's aggressive tactics: "I will be angered. What hast thou to do?" (30:22).

• Humorous Interjections: The performance is peppered with humorous exchanges, such as Johanna's line, "What widows have lost their expanse" (37:32), and Shane's playful frustrations during Shakespearean dialogue: "It is not moonlight now" (52:19).

• Climactic Scenes and Revelations: The culmination of the performance sees the unraveling of disguises and the chaotic merging of characters, with Amanda exclaiming, "Fuck you guys. They're so old." (50:03) and Johanna’s exasperated plea, "Please, let's do a tragedy" (64:56).

Post-Performance Reflections

After the performance, the hosts and guests reflect on the experience. Amanda praises the improvisational skills of her co-hosts, stating, "They butt well together head and..." (60:58). Johanna expresses enthusiasm for future performances, suggesting a tragedy, while Amanda invites listeners to suggest another play, expressing her enjoyment with, "That was awesome" (60:21).

Conclusion

Episode #62 of Smosh Mouth successfully blends literary exploration with comedic performance. Through their rendition of "The Taming of the Shrew," Shayne, Amanda, Angela, Johanna, and Chancing Cove showcase their ability to make classic literature accessible and entertaining. The inclusion of Super Bowl predictions and lighthearted banter further enhances the episode's engaging atmosphere. As Amanda aptly concludes, "We have to do another play. Maybe it is a tragedy. Please" (65:01), signaling the group's commitment to continuing their creative experiments.

Notable Quotes

• Amanda: "I really never want to hear you bully anyone for being a nerd again." (00:27)
• Shayne: "Without the, like, explanations on the side pages, I'd be completely lost." (05:13)
• Johanna: "The text sings and it's melodic and it's beautiful." (03:53)
• Amanda: "I'm gonna go with the Patriots because I'm a die-hard Patriot fan." (11:29)
• Shayne: "Oh, my God. He keeps hold of her hand." (31:12)
• Johanna: "Please, let's do a tragedy." (64:56)
• Amanda: "That was awesome." (60:21)

Timestamp Key

• 00:27 - Amanda on not bullying nerds.
• 05:13 - Shayne discussing struggles with Shakespeare.
• 03:53 - Johanna on the melodic nature of Shakespeare's text.
• 11:29 - Amanda's Super Bowl prediction.
• 31:12 - Interactions during the performance.
• 64:56 - Johanna suggesting a tragedy for next time.
• 60:21 - Amanda applauding the performance.

---

Note: Timestamps are indicative and correspond to the sections of the transcript provided.

Transcript

[Shane]

Welcome to Smoshmouth. I'm Shane.

[Amanda]

And I'm Amanda. And we have two very, very special guests with us. Angela, Johanna. And Chancing Cove.

[Angela]

Hello.

[Johanna]

Hello. Hello, players.

[Amanda]

Hello, players of the court.

[Shane]

Today we will be doing a performance, a cold read of an abridged version of Taming of the Shrew.

[Amanda]

Yes. Cold read, to be exact. Yes, Correct.

[Angela]

Cold read because it's so frigid in here. Cold read because it's the first we'll be seeing it and reading it live.

[Amanda]

Both, might I say. Celaena and Kiana worked on this, worked on organizing this, but Selina highlighted everything and put our players right at the top. And her handwriting is fantastic. You probably can't see it if you're driving right now.

[Shane]

Highlighting work in this is unbelievable.

[Angela]

Incredible.

[Johanna]

Only fit for the queen.

[Amanda]

So we brought our two wonderful friends here who love Shakespeare. I think one loves Shakespeare a lot more than the other, which we'll find out.

[Shane]

Yeah. Angela, please show us what you brought today.

[Amanda]

What did you bring?

[Johanna]

I brought my complete works.

[Shane]

Holy.

[Angela]

Ew.

[Johanna]

And this is. Okay. I brought my complete works in some of my journals and one of my favorite books, Shakespeare's Life. So let me say I have. I. People think I'm a Broadway musical nerd. I'm. That just happened since college. I have loved Shakespeare since high school and have been a nerd for it in a big, big, big, big, big, big way.

[Amanda]

Yeah, she is.

[Angela]

So I really never want to hear you bully anyone for being a nerd again. Yeah.

[Johanna]

And this is important to do this.

[Amanda]

And this is important because the bullying happens off screen.

[Angela]

It happens a lot. No, you're right.

[Shane]

So I see at the bottom there, you have the. Is that the complete works?

[Johanna]

This is one of mine.

[Shane]

You have multiple complete works of Shakespeare?

[Johanna]

I have one that's really old that I really care a lot about.

[Amanda]

If you guys can't see this, the pages are gold.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Johanna]

Well, this is, like, a shitty version, because here's the thing. All of. All of Shakespeare's text, it depends on the translation and who. Not the translation, but the version. Because there's a lot of different versions of the text from time, from people editing stuff, people taking things out. So there's. Yeah. So this is a shitty. A shitty one. But this is one I had when I was at. I studied in Oxford, when I studied abroad, and I did bada.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Johanna]

Yeah. And these are. These are some of my. These are some of my journals from it.

[Amanda]

Y'all don't know.

[Shane]

Angela, how long were you at Oxford?

[Johanna]

It was a full Summer, so it.

[Shane]

Was really cool, though.

[Johanna]

Oh, it was the best summer of my entire freaking life. Every morning I would wake up and we'd learn a new sonnet.

[Amanda]

And I love that so deeply.

[Angela]

Do you remember any sonnets? Do you remember any sonnets?

[Amanda]

I love that so deeply.

[Shane]

Sorry. No, that was really cool.

[Angela]

No, don't give her that.

[Amanda]

No, it was so cool.

[Johanna]

And then at night, we would drink.

[Shane]

I can't make fun of you right now. I look like I both make really good oatmeal and really good ravioli.

[Angela]

So what can I say?

[Amanda]

I think we all look incredible. I'm actually loving this outfit.

[Angela]

You look really good.

[Johanna]

You do.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

You look the olives.

[Amanda]

Thank you, guys.

[Johanna]

It's really gorgeous.

[Shane]

Thank you. So. But you have a bunch of journals.

[Angela]

Yes.

[Johanna]

And these were just like, from different. Because then I also studied at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, which is one of the best places in the world.

[Amanda]

Like I said, one has more Shakespeare.

[Shane]

Love than the other.

[Johanna]

You have to go.

[Shane]

I actually guess that Portland has more Shakespeare love than some miracle.

[Johanna]

And it is the best place in the entire world. It's so magical. And I have so. So I have journals from there too. And so I just brought them if we, like, wanted to, like, refer to them. But the text is alive. Can you read the text? Is mag. Magical. The text. Here's the thing. What's crazy is I love Shakespeare, but I can't read for. Okay, so this cold read is gonna suck. But that's the thing is, like, the text is alive.

[Amanda]

So Shakespeare in the Park. This is Shakespeare at Smosh with us with Superfan.

[Johanna]

Yeah. And it's. The text sings and it's melodic and it's beautiful. And when it. And when you think you have to pause, you don't. The. The words do. And the scansion of it all when you scan this stuff. Sometimes when you do like the. You can there much nerding out that you could do with just the words put together. I think it is real life magic.

[Angela]

Okay.

[Amanda]

I am. I'm in awe. I just watched a play.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

In that description.

[Johanna]

But when I read this out loud, I just want to say I'm gonna be dog shit just like you all. So.

[Amanda]

Hey. Well, I think I will be great.

[Johanna]

No, for sure. I would have to study. I would like all these programs. I would like. I would wake up and have to study so much harder because it's just hard. Lots of big words.

[Amanda]

How do you study Shakespeare? Like, how do you actually get those lines down?

[Johanna]

There are so many different methods and rules. I remember just, like, learning. Learning at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival and in just, like, high school programs and stuff. There's so many different ways, like, Americans interpret Shakespeare so differently, obviously. But, like, a lot of adaptations will add a lot of stuff to it and that they say you just shouldn't do.

[Amanda]

You study it with, like, the song in mind? With, like, the rhythm of it in mind? Always.

[Johanna]

That's why they have you scan it. Because when you do the iambic pentameter, when things are verse versus prose, it's like you really can hear the rhythm of the word.

[Shane]

I truly never understood it. And I've read several Shakespeare plays, and I'll be honest, I was like. Without the, like, explanations on the side pages, I'd be completely.

[Angela]

It doesn't make sense.

[Johanna]

Right? Is because. Are you reading it to yourself?

[Shane]

I would just be reading it to myself. I haven't gotten, like.

[Johanna]

Because then when you hear it, even.

[Shane]

Just reading it and the inflections and the proper. I actually, what I did start doing is I would start listening to, like, the audiobook versions. I'm reading along, and then I'm like, okay, I get the tone of this scene a little bit more, but there's still so many. And I understand that it's clever. The other day, I even got served a TikTok where someone was. Someone said a Shakespeare line. It was the. I don't bite my thumb at you, sir, but I do bite my thumb. And I was like, what is that? What does that mean?

[Amanda]

Oh, does it mean fu.

[Angela]

Like, clicking you off?

[Amanda]

Does it mean fu? Chance, did you also study Shakespeare?

[Angela]

Yeah, in college and in high school. School, yes, but not as extensively as Angela. So you have to forgive me a little bit, but I mostly studied Hamlet and Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet.

[Amanda]

Ooh, Romeo and Juliet.

[Shane]

I loved Macbeth.

[Angela]

This is my Lady Macbeth over here.

[Amanda]

Lady Macbeth. Oh, that's good.

[Shane]

What are your favorite? Is Macbeth your favorite Shakespeare?

[Angela]

I think Hamlet is my favorite, but Macbeth is pretty up there.

[Shane]

What about you? Have you read a bunch?

[Johanna]

Yeah, most of them. King John is a deep cut that I love.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Johanna]

And not really read them all. I've seen a lot of them.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Angela]

Or.

[Johanna]

Yeah, that's probably worked on them in class.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Johanna]

Because truly, honestly, I'd say going back to what you said about reading it and be like, huh? If we all gathered around, drank some wine, and just read them, then you're gonna fall in love with them, and you're gonna know what they mean.

[Amanda]

I think so.

[Johanna]

Like, today, you're like, it's more fun like that than bring in the Courtchester with the wine.

[Amanda]

Nobody.

[Johanna]

Oh, but sorry. Macbeth is top. Top of the line because that was, like, the first one I fell in love with in high school. And then Winter's Tale is my number one favorite.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I've never.

[Johanna]

So good and magical.

[Angela]

Is it about. Is it about. Is it about a little princess sisters?

[Johanna]

Yes. And one lets it go.

[Amanda]

Is Olaf in it?

[Johanna]

Yes, but that one is the one where it has, like, one of the only few stage directions in all of Shakespeare. When it says exit, exit. Preceded by a bear and because someone gets eaten by a bear. Oh, and he. Because there's no. There's almost no stage direction.

[Angela]

I've gotten eaten out by a bear, bro.

[Amanda]

What?

[Johanna]

Well, we probably needed that because we needed to wake him up.

[Amanda]

We probably needed that, I think, even though my mind went so many places.

[Angela]

What places did it go?

[Shane]

Have you guys ever heard about how Shakespeare's head is missing?

[Angela]

What?

[Johanna]

What?

[Shane]

His head is missing. They've done a scan of his grave and there's no head. So they're like someone took his head at some point.

[Amanda]

No way.

[Shane]

Can we get a Google search on that just to make sure I'm not Wrong question.

[Amanda]

Where is William Shakespeare buried?

[Johanna]

It starts with an S because I visited it.

[Shane]

Scranton.

[Amanda]

Scranton Foster skull probably stolen by grave robber. Study finds.

[Shane]

A study finds that Shakespeare's skull was likely stolen and where was he buried? So someone's out there performing with it.

[Johanna]

Stratford. Stratford.

[Amanda]

Stratford.

[Johanna]

Strat part. Stratford upon Avon.

[Amanda]

Stratford. Same as situate mass. Okay.

[Shane]

Yeah. So there you go. But also, it feels like Shakespeare stuff.

[Angela]

What do they even do with the head?

[Shane]

They perform with it.

[Johanna]

Hamlet.

[Angela]

Oh, my, yes.

[Amanda]

To be or not to be.

[Johanna]

That's why I feel like it's a rumor because of just that.

[Angela]

That's awesome.

[Johanna]

So that's crazy.

[Amanda]

So we're also wearing these frilly things around our neck, and Shane was saying that these are protect you from.

[Shane]

I heard once that they're for fleas and dandruff and stuff.

[Angela]

That feels counterproductive. Like, if I had fleas, I wouldn't want them to fall into my mind.

[Shane]

We get a Google search on what the frilly fluffy thing is.

[Amanda]

Don't you have a book with a guy with a frill on it?

[Johanna]

Speaking of the man, the legend himself. Look at him.

[Amanda]

Honestly, Angela, I love how many books you have, and I know this is only like, half your amount that you have. I love it. It was the changeable piece of cloth that could keep themselves that could be laundered separately while you. Like your. Your dress or whatever you're wearing isn't getting dirty. But this is. Oh, so not to do it, please.

[Angela]

To catch your makeup.

[Johanna]

It's like when girls put the makeup thing on their head. This is so.

[Shane]

It's a giant. It's a giant handkerchief to protect your still. Like a giant bib that you're wearing at all times.

[Johanna]

Excellent.

[Angela]

Yes. She loves it. She's gonna start wearing this.

[Amanda]

I actually kind of want to start.

[Johanna]

Wearing this and put it like, up. I imagine their makeup was, like, so powdery that it would get everywhere. Yeah.

[Shane]

Loose a rough. They did not. Oh, you know, people were looking like dog back then, and they were. And what I. My favorite part of history is I feel like people were just hammered.

[Johanna]

Oh, absolutely.

[Shane]

Until like the 1960s. I think everybody drunk 247 and they.

[Amanda]

They, they. Their teeth. Oh, like, what do they brush with?

[Angela]

Oh, I feel like they had snuff boxes too.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Amanda]

What's that?

[Johanna]

What's that?

[Shane]

It's like cocaine, but frankly, if I'm alive during.

[Amanda]

They had roses. So you know those old paintings with women with roses right here. They had it because they smelled. So put a rose right here when you'd hug them, that's what they would smell first.

[Angela]

Oh, I love that. But roses don't smell that pungent.

[Amanda]

They have to be very potent.

[Angela]

Yeah, that's the problem.

[Johanna]

Maybe they're more potent back like any other name.

[Shane]

By any other name.

[Angela]

Before.

[Shane]

Before we get into this, I was curious. You know, the NFL football season has started.

[Amanda]

I knew you were up to something.

[Angela]

What is happening?

[Shane]

I knew you were up. I figured, you know, while we're all dressed like this before we do Shakespeare, just. Just to throw it out there for some people. Some. Some NFL predictions. Who do we think is going to win the super bowl this year?

[Johanna]

Is Travis retired?

[Shane]

No, no, I believe he's still going.

[Johanna]

I bet he's going to. I bet he's going to get it again.

[Amanda]

You want me to say.

[Shane]

If you want to say the Kansas City Chiefs, that's a. That's a good prediction. It would be the third time in a row. I think that'd be a three peat, which would be legendary. That's never.

[Angela]

I just watched a documentary on Steve McNair.

[Shane]

So.

[Angela]

Because he died, he was murdered.

[Chancing Cove]

Yes.

[Angela]

And I know that.

[Amanda]

Well, I guess I'll be watching this documentary.

[Angela]

Yeah, it's good. It's good. It's good.

[Shane]

Not the type of NFL question I was asking. Tennessee Titans Tennessee Titans. That's a bold choice. Make a lot of money on that.

[Amanda]

I'm gonna go with the Patriots because I'm. I'm a die.

[Angela]

Although.

[Amanda]

I know, I know, I know they're not gonna do well. I know it. But I'm gonna go with the Patriots.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Angela]

My brother, the Seahawks.

[Shane]

Are they good?

[Amanda]

Seahawks.

[Shane]

They're not gonna win.

[Amanda]

Wait, that's Seattle right there.

[Shane]

SEO. They were. They were okay, but they're probably not gonna.

[Johanna]

My brother was telling me that Dolphins this year look really good.

[Shane]

Yeah, Dolphins is a good guess.

[Amanda]

Dan Marino.

[Johanna]

He's not there.

[Shane]

Was there back in the 80s.

[Johanna]

I told you, Shane, I have a huge Crush on Mike McDaniel, the coach of the Dolphins.

[Shane]

Hilarious. Yeah, I don't know why he's really funny because he's a really good.

[Johanna]

No, he looks like a math tutor.

[Shane]

I mean, he just. He just literally is like the nerdiest guy, but he's like a really good NFL coach.

[Johanna]

And I watch Hard Knocks. It's my favorite show.

[Shane]

Yeah. Nobody. Great job. Okay, well, guesses and then musical guest for the Super. Super bowl halftime show.

[Angela]

Oh, this is fun.

[Amanda]

Guess because we don't know you guys would like this.

[Shane]

I don't think it's known yet. No.

[Johanna]

Do you think.

[Amanda]

Do you know? Do you know?

[Shane]

No, not Chapel.

[Amanda]

Chapel. Roan would not.

[Shane]

Do they go with the. The way to guess. The way to guess the super bowl halftime show is who will old people like and young people still want to.

[Amanda]

So it has nothing to do with. Like, if they have did Miley Cyrus already.

[Shane]

Miley Cyrus is never.

[Amanda]

They're not going to do Miley.

[Angela]

Why?

[Amanda]

I don't know if old people like Miley.

[Shane]

I think she's too young.

[Johanna]

But if she's got Dolly Parton there.

[Angela]

And Billy Ray Cyrus, she's fighting.

[Amanda]

Billy is not her friend right now.

[Angela]

Maybe this is the perfect opportunity for them to mint.

[Amanda]

I think he called her a slut. I think her father called her a slut.

[Angela]

She doesn't. She's not a. I agree. And if I agree, why would you.

[Amanda]

Want to perform with him?

[Angela]

Power to her.

[Shane]

You know, they probably get a really good deal on Bruno Mars right now.

[Johanna]

He did just come out.

[Amanda]

He did just.

[Shane]

You know, he's betting on the super.

[Angela]

Bowl predictions right now.

[Amanda]

He has a new song with Lady Gaga.

[Angela]

Didn't he already have a Super Bowl?

[Johanna]

Yes.

[Shane]

Well, he might be back.

[Johanna]

I think he performed in something.

[Angela]

Wait, I think you can't do it twice.

[Amanda]

Oh, is it Chris Stapleton?

[Angela]

No.

[Amanda]

Chris Stapleton? No.

[Johanna]

Do you think they're gonna ask Taylor again? Because she said.

[Amanda]

I feel like he literally does commercials for the NFL singing.

[Angela]

Britney Spears is never doing anything.

[Amanda]

No, she's busy with.

[Angela]

Katy Perry's already done it.

[Shane]

Katy Perry.

[Amanda]

Katy Perry on Woman's World.

[Angela]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

So shall we go over our. Who we are, our cast. So we are about to cold read an abridged version of Taming of the Shrew, abridged by Bill Tordoff. And the Taming of the Shrew is by William Shakespeare. And each of us are going to be playing multiple roles. I will go over our roles and try to say the pronunciations as well as I can. I will basically be playing all men, mostly old and rich and one kind of young and hot. I will be playing Baptista, a rich old gentleman. Vincenzo.

[Angela]

Vincenzo.

[Chancing Cove]

Tio.

[Amanda]

Vincenzo, Tio. He's old gentlemen. Portuccio. Hot suiter. Gentlemen. For Katarina And Pedant. And Pedant, who's also old gentlemen.

[Johanna]

So a bunch of Krungles.

[Amanda]

Yeah, baby. Okay.

[Chancing Cove]

Hello.

[Johanna]

I'll be playing Grimio, Tranio, Grumio and the tailor who I imagine has one.

[Amanda]

Line, but we need him for that.

[Angela]

Taylor Swift. Okay. Has she done the Super Bowl?

[Shane]

Taylor Swift.

[Amanda]

Taylor Swift.

[Johanna]

She famously said no last.

[Shane]

I don't think she's gonna.

[Amanda]

Unless Travis. Unless the Chiefs get in there.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Angela]

Can you imagine? I'm not even a Swifty, but that would be incredible.

[Amanda]

Whoa. Okay, go ahead. Okay.

[Angela]

I'm playing Lucentio, Hortensio. Curtis. Bianca and the haberdasher Curtis.

[Shane]

Just sounds funny in the middle of all.

[Angela]

I love it.

[Shane]

Biondello, Petruchio. Curtis. Robert. Okay, robber.

[Amanda]

You're going to say that Robert.

[Shane]

I will be doing stage directions as well as reading for Biondelo, a young servant to Lucentio. Lucan, Lucentio, Katerina, the shrew, daughter of Baptista.

[Johanna]

Big casting. You booked.

[Angela]

I know.

[Shane]

Guys. The shrew.

[Johanna]

It must be her senior year.

[Shane]

So crazy. And I'm also playing your year.

[Angela]

And it's an upset. It's huge. Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm also playing.

[Angela]

Amanda. You browse my wares.

[Shane]

What'd you say when it Browse.

[Angela]

Potion seller. Potion seller.

[Shane]

I need your strongest potion.

[Amanda]

If I laugh too much, it'll fall off.

[Johanna]

This is maybe the most disgusting mustache I've ever seen. At smosh.

[Angela]

It looks so real.

[Shane]

It looks so real. Brennan immediately went for the camera. He's like, I gotta catch this off. It looks so real.

[Angela]

Amanda, you look so much.

[Johanna]

You look like a different person.

[Angela]

You look. It looks.

[Amanda]

Do I look like My papa.

[Angela]

I'm really confused.

[Johanna]

Ew.

[Angela]

Ew, ew.

[Shane]

Okay, lastly, lastly, I'm playing widow and it says a middle aged lady.

[Amanda]

Good.

[Shane]

Middle aged lady. The oldest anyone had ever been.

[Amanda]

Everyone dies at age 40, so. Well, let's say this real quick. I now have a full mustache.

[Johanna]

With the audio listener at home.

[Amanda]

I have a mustache and a.

[Shane]

And a goatee. Goatee?

[Amanda]

Don't we call it a savor?

[Angela]

That is a goatee.

[Amanda]

A labor saver.

[Shane]

That's a flaw.

[Angela]

That's disgusting.

[Amanda]

Anyways, guys, Taming of the shrew is kind of like 10 things I hate about you if you're not a Shakespeare fan. Okay, so we all, all the men want Bianca. But in order to date Bianca, the father says they must date Katarina, who is the shrew. And we will be taming the shrew.

[Chancing Cove]

Oh.

[Shane]

Let us begin, guys.

[Johanna]

Let the words do the work.

[Angela]

Okay, Are we doing accent British or Italian?

[Shane]

I'm doing different.

[Amanda]

I'm doing some adaptations.

[Johanna]

In high school. My Macbeth was a steampunk version, so you never know.

[Shane]

Oh, they say English accents at this time sounded more southern than what they sound like now.

[Amanda]

So great.

[Angela]

Okay.

[Shane]

Scene one. A public place in Padua. A flourish of trumpets. Enter Lucentio and Tranio.

[Angela]

Tranio, I am arrived here from Pisa by my father Vicento's leave. With thee, my trusty servant. In Padua I'll study the philosophy of virtue.

[Johanna]

But good master, while virtue we admire no profit grows where is no pleasure. Ta'en in brief, sir, study what you must most affect grammar.

[Angela]

Seize Tranio. Well, dost thou advise, but stay awhile. What company is this?

[Shane]

Enter Baptista, Caterina, Bianca, Hortensio and Gremio. Lucentio and Tranio. Stand aside.

[Johanna]

A hot bombshell enters the villa.

[Chancing Cove]

Gentlemen, how firmly I am resolved you know, not to bestow my youngest daughter before I have a husband for the elder.

[Johanna]

She's too rough for me.

[Shane]

Is it your will, sir, to make a stale of me among these mates?

[Angela]

No mate for me unless you milder beat.

[Amanda]

Oh my goodness.

[Shane]

But if I were, doubt not. My care should be to comb your noddle with a three legged stool and paint your face and use you like a fool.

[Johanna]

That wench is a stark ma. Is stark mad or wonderfully forward.

[Angela]

But in the other's silence I do see maids mild behavior and sobriety to Bianca.

[Chancing Cove]

Stay you within and let it not displease you. For I will love thee nonetheless, my girl.

[Angela]

My books and instruments shall be my.

[Chancing Cove]

Company, because in music and poetry she delights. Schoolmasters will I keep within my house. And so farewell, Catarina, you must stay.

[Shane]

Why? And I trust I may go too. May I not, if I light one? What?

[Johanna]

Sorry.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Johanna]

If I like a man to teach my sweet Bianca, I'll wish him her. I'll wish him to her father.

[Angela]

So will I. One other thing. If we are again to be happy rivals in Bianca's love, we must labor to get a husband for her sister.

[Johanna]

Is there any man such a fool as to be married to a devil?

[Angela]

Why man? There be fellows would take her, even her with money. Enough. Let us stay friends and help the elder daughter to wed. Then to our contest afresh.

[Johanna]

I am agreed. I would give anything to him to who would wed her and rid the house of her.

[Shane]

Exit Gremio and Hortensio.

[Angela]

I perish if I achieve not this girl.

[Johanna]

I pray awake, sir. If you love this maid, bend your minds, achieve her. Till the eldest marry, your love must live a maid at home.

[Angela]

But her father took some care to get her schoolmasters. I shall be her schoolmaster.

[Johanna]

Not possible. For who shall bear your part and beaten? Padua. Here. Vincenzio's son.

[Angela]

I have it. We are not yet known here. For man or master, thou shalt be master in my stead. Thou take thou my hat and cloak.

[Shane]

They exchange hats and cloaks.

[Angela]

I'll be a slave to achiever. Here's Biondello.

[Shane]

Enter Biondello. He stands staring open mouthed from one to the other. How now, master? Has my fellow trany have stolen your clothes?

[Angela]

To save my life, he puts my apparel on. For in a quarrel I killed a man, and I fear I was descried. You understand?

[Shane]

Near wit when we were alone.

[Johanna]

Why then I am Tranio, but in all places else your master Lucentio.

[Angela]

Tranio, let's go. One more thing to do. To make thyself one amongst these wooers. My reasons are both good and weighty. Come.

[Shane]

Exit Scene two. Before Hotencio's house.

[Angela]

Okay, so wait, they're switching places?

[Amanda]

Yeah. So they're like, they'll have school teachers in the house. They're like, well, we'll just like get her. While we get Katharine to married. Well, we can be teachers.

[Shane]

So they're just finding a way. They're fighting a way into the house to hang out with Bianca.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Time. While they're trying to figure out how to get Cat.

[Amanda]

These boys want to. Yeah. These boys want to get in the house.

[Johanna]

Fun little folly.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. Scene two. Before Hortensio's house, enter Petruchio and Grumio Padua.

[Amanda]

And my friend Hortensio's house. Here. Sira Grumio. Knock, I say.

[Shane]

Grumio knocks. Enter Hortensio. Grumio.

[Angela]

And my good friend Petrusio. What happy gale blows you?

[Amanda]

From Verona I come to wive and thrive as best I may. Now, though one rich enough to be my wife.

[Johanna]

Perfect.

[Angela]

I can help thee to a young and wealthy wife. Only her only fault. She's an intolerable curse.

[Amanda]

Tell me her father's name and I will board her.

[Angela]

Her father is Baptista Manola. Her name is Katharina. Manola. I will go. I will go with thee. For in Baptista's house my treasure is the beautiful Bianca. But this order has Baptista given that none shall have access to Bianca till Katharina the cursed have a husband. You shall offer me as a schoolmaster that I may have leisure to make love with her.

[Johanna]

1776 New York City. Alexander, Padua.

[Shane]

Enter Gremio with Lucentio disguised as Gambio, a scholar Petruchio.

[Angela]

It is the rival of my love.

[Shane]

They stand aside for the listener at home.

[Johanna]

I'm changing Grimio's voice because it sounds too much like Tranio. And you see? You read no other books to her but books of love.

[Angela]

God save you. Senor Grimio.

[Johanna]

Well met. I bring this young woman, skilled in poetry, to be a schoolmaster for Bianca.

[Angela]

Tis well. And I have met. A gentleman hath helped me to find a musician to instruct Bianca. So beloved of me.

[Johanna]

Beloved of me. And that my deeds shall prove.

[Angela]

Tis no time to vent our love. This gentleman will undertake to woo cursed Kathryna.

[Johanna]

Who is he? Does he know her faults?

[Amanda]

Born in Verona. Old Antonio's son. I know she is an irksome, brawling scold.

[Johanna]

But will you woo this wildcat?

[Amanda]

I have heard great ordinance. Larums, trumpets. And do you fright me with a woman's tongue?

[Angela]

I promised him we'd bear his charge of wooing.

[Shane]

And so we will enter Tranio bravely clad as Lucentio and Biondello.

[Johanna]

Good day. I seek the house of Signor. Signor. Signor Minola. He that has the two fair daughters. Hark you, sir. You mean not to woo? Perhaps. What have you to do?

[Amanda]

Not her that shied. Sir.

[Johanna]

I pray I love no childer. Sir. Pinol. Dio. Let's away.

[Shane]

Starting to go.

[Angela]

Are you a suitor to the younger? Yeah or no? For she's the chosen of Senor Hortensio.

[Johanna]

She's the choicen love of Signor Gramio. I hear Hath no fuck me. I here hath one famous for her scolding tongue, and one for her beauteous. Beauteous modesty.

[Amanda]

The first one's for me. The youngest whom you seek is kept within until the elder wedding.

[Johanna]

Then you are our man, sir. If you achieve the elder, we will not ungrateful be. Let's quaff. Carousel CAROSES CAROSES to our mistress's health.

[Angela]

Oh, excellent motion. Let's be gone.

[Shane]

Exit.

[Amanda]

This is so good.

[Shane]

Scene 3 Baptista's house. Enter Katarina and Bianca with her hands bound.

[Angela]

Oh, good sister, wrongly not stop. Unbind my hands.

[Shane]

Of all thy suitors whom loves thou best. Think'st thou old Gremio will keep you fair?

[Angela]

Nay, then you jest. Pray, Kate, untie my hand.

[Shane]

If that be jest, then all the rest was so. That's right. That's. That's right. I fucking hit you.

[Johanna]

No.

[Shane]

Enter Baptista, who unties Bianca.

[Chancing Cove]

Why dost thou wrong her? That dear Neo wrong thee?

[Shane]

Nice Bianca runs out weeping. She is your treasure. She must have a husband. I will find occasion for revenge. Catarina exits. Enter Gremio with Lucentio as a poor scholar. Petruchio with Hortensio as a musician. And Tranio with Biondello, hearing, bearing a lute and books.

[Johanna]

Good morrow, Signor Baptista.

[Chancing Cove]

Good morrow, Signor Gremio. God save you, gentlemen.

[Amanda]

And you, good sir. Pray, have you not a daughter called Caterina, fair and virtuous?

[Chancing Cove]

I have a daughter, sir, called Caterina.

[Amanda]

My name is Petruchio of Verona. Sir, that hearing of her mildness and her beauty, do here present you with a man of mine cunning in music. His name is Licio.

[Chancing Cove]

You're welcome, sir. But not for Caterina. She is not for your turn. The more's my grief.

[Johanna]

Let us that our poor petitioner speak too. I freely give you young Cambio, as cunning in language as other in music.

[Chancing Cove]

Welcome, good Cambio. Gentle sir, may I be so bold as to know the cause of your coming?

[Johanna]

I make myself a suitor to Bianca too. Pray accept this instrument in these Greek and Latin books. Lucentio of Pisa is my name.

[Amanda]

No.

[Chancing Cove]

You are welcome, sir. Take you to take you the lute. And you the set of books. My daughters, wait.

[Shane]

He indicates the next chamber. Exit. Hortensio, Lucentio and Biondello.

[Amanda]

Senior. If I get your daughter's love, what dowry shall I have with her to wife?

[Chancing Cove]

After my death, the one half of my lands. And in possession? 20,000 crowns.

[Amanda]

I'll assure you. If she survives Me of all my lands and leases whatsoever.

[Johanna]

Red flag.

[Amanda]

Literally, red flag.

[Johanna]

Red flag.

[Amanda]

Petruchio is a red flag. Right.

[Shane]

Now I'm off the island.

[Amanda]

Can we go for a chat?

[Chancing Cove]

I, I, that is where that I. Oh, fuck.

[Angela]

Whoa.

[Chancing Cove]

I'm drunk.

[Amanda]

Ah, aye.

[Chancing Cove]

That is when her love is well obtained.

[Amanda]

Why, that is nothing.

[Shane]

CATARINA SHRIEKS OFFSTAGE Then a crash and a cry of pain from Hortensio.

[Amanda]

Oh.

[Shane]

Go crash.

[Johanna]

Crash on, crash on hold.

[Amanda]

Go crash.

[Chancing Cove]

Well, be thou armed for some unhappy words.

[Shane]

Enter Hortensio with his head bleeding and the loot broken.

[Chancing Cove]

Canst thou not break my daughter to the lute?

[Angela]

Why no, for she hath broke the lute.

[Amanda]

To me now, by the world, it is a lusty wench. Oh my God.

[Chancing Cove]

Proceed in practice with my younger daughter. Senor. I shall send Catarina to you.

[Johanna]

Uh oh.

[Shane]

Exit Baptista, Gremio, Tranio and Hortensio. Enter Caterina.

[Johanna]

Two red flags in a room. Two red flags in a room.

[Amanda]

Literally. Good morrow, Kate. For that's your name, I hear.

[Shane]

Yeah, they call me Katarina, that do talk to me.

[Amanda]

You lie. In faith, for you are called Kate, but Kate. The prettiest Kate in Christian Christendom. Uh huh. Kate of Kate Hall. My super dainty Kate. Ew. Hearing thy mildness praised, I've moved to woo thee.

[Shane]

Moved? I knew you were immovable.

[Amanda]

Why, what's immovable?

[Shane]

A joint stool.

[Amanda]

Fucking own savage. Yeah, thou hast hit it. Come sit on me. Jesus Christ.

[Johanna]

Get ready for this.

[Shane]

Asses are made to bear and so are you.

[Amanda]

Women are made to bear and so are you.

[Shane]

That's fucked up.

[Amanda]

Come, come, come, come, come, come. You wasp. Come on. You are too angry.

[Shane]

If I be waspish, best beware my sting, bitch.

[Johanna]

Oh, God. This is good shit. This is good fucking shit.

[Amanda]

Who? Who knows not where a wasp doth wear his sting in his tail he.

[Shane]

Stands and grabs her in his tongue. Yeah, I hit you too.

[Amanda]

I swear I'll cuff you if you strike me again.

[Shane]

If you strike me, you are no gentleman.

[Amanda]

Nay. Come, Kate. In sooth, you scrape not so.

[Shane]

Ah, I chafe you if I tarry. Let me go.

[Amanda]

Twas told me you were rough and coy and sullen, but thou art pleasant, sweet as springtime flowers.

[Shane]

Wherefore didst study all this goodly speech.

[Amanda]

To use it in thy bed? For will you, nill you, thou must be merit to no man but me, for I am born to tame you, Kate.

[Shane]

He keeps hold of her hand. Enter Baptista, Gremio in Tranio.

[Chancing Cove]

Now Senor, how speed you with my daughter?

[Amanda]

My God, how but. Well, sir, we have agreed that upon Sunday is the wedding day. Haha. Ring, ring, ring.

[Shane]

I'll see thee hanged on Sunday first.

[Amanda]

Tis bargain twixt us twain, being alone, that she shall still be cursed in company. But how she doth love me. She hung about my neck, and kiss on kiss she gave so fast.

[Johanna]

What's so crazy is this is like the fur, like this is he like the the enemies to lovers trope? This is like one of the first and every single story has something like this. Or Friends to lovers. And that's off the Bard, baby.

[Amanda]

It's so true. And this is kind of my favorite story. Enemies to lovers. We love that.

[Johanna]

How fun that they go toe to toe. Because it's just fun to see a woman also, you know.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Johanna]

Back in the day.

[Shane]

Did you know what I mean?

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Johanna]

They have banter.

[Amanda]

They have banter. We have a good volley going on.

[Johanna]

It's so good.

[Angela]

Repartee, repartee, repartee.

[Chancing Cove]

Rapport, Rappaport, Rapport.

[Shane]

Okay, Rappaport.

[Amanda]

So at this whole time Petruchio is holding Caterina's arm and I finally release it. My goodness. Give thee my hand, Kate. I will onto Venice to buy apparel gainst their wedding day.

[Chancing Cove]

God send you joy, Petruchio. Tis a match.

[Amanda]

Father and wife and gentlemen, adieu. We will have rings and things and find a ray and kiss me, Kate. We will be married. O Sunday.

[Shane]

Exit Petruchio and Catarina separately.

[Johanna]

A fun little rhyming couplet. When people leave, sometimes it's too little.

[Angela]

Rhymes just like Hamilton.

[Amanda]

Wait, say that again.

[Johanna]

Fine array. We will be married. Oh, on Sunday.

[Angela]

Then you leave.

[Amanda]

I love that. Great.

[Angela]

You should start speaking in couplets when you leave a room.

[Amanda]

Yeah. And fine array and kiss me, Kate. We will be married. Oh, Sunday.

[Shane]

Exit Petruchio and Katarina separately.

[Johanna]

And now, Baptistia, to your youngest daughter.

[Chancing Cove]

Who assures her greatest hour shall have her love first.

[Johanna]

As you know, my house within the city is richly furnished with plate and gold. If I may have your daughter to my wife I'll leave her houses three or four as good as any old Signor Gremio house.

[Angela]

Oh my God. The stepmother. She's here.

[Johanna]

Oh my God. I have an arousing lying in Marisol Road. My father has three great arouses something homes. Big homes. These will, I assure you, wherever thou offer next. Nay, I offered all. I have no more. Why thy. The maid is mine by your firm promise.

[Chancing Cove]

Ho. On Sunday, Caterina's to be Wed now, on the Sunday following shall Bianca be bride to you. If your father make assurance. If not to Signor Gremio, good day.

[Shane]

Exit Baptista and Gremio.

[Johanna]

I see no reason but suppose Lucentio must get a father called suppose Vincentio.

[Shane]

Scene Scene 4 Baptista's house enter Bianca with Lucentio as Cambio, followed by Hortensio and Liccio.

[Angela]

I'm about to do a scene with all three of my characters talking to each other.

[Amanda]

I love it.

[Shane]

This is gonna be awesome.

[Angela]

Fitter, forbear. Have you so soon forgot how Sister Catherina welcomed your withdrawal? When in music. We too have spent an hour. Your lecture shall have leisure for as much. Sirs, to end this strife. Here we sit down.

[Shane]

Bianca and Lucentio sit together.

[Angela]

Take you your instrument, play you the whiles. His lecture will be done ere you have turned.

[Shane]

Hortensio reluctantly retires and tunes his lute. Where left we last, opening a book and pretending to read it.

[Angela]

I am Lucentio, son of Vincentio of Pisa. And the Lucentio that comes a wooing is my man Tranio. Madam, my instrument is in tune. Spit in the hole, man. And tune again. I know you not. I trust you not. Take heed, ye hear us not. Presume not, presume not. Despair not, madam. Tis now in tune. All but the bass. The bass is right. Tis the bass knave that jars in time. I believe, yet I mistrust. But let it rest now. Licio to you.

[Shane]

Hortensio changes places with Lucentio, smiling smugly.

[Angela]

I see our fine musician groweth amorous. Madam, here's the work and writing fairly drawn. Bianca, take me for thy Lord that loves with all affection. One clef, two notes. Have I show pity or I die. I like it not. Farewell both. Tomorrow's wedding day. I have no cause to stay. But I have cause to pry into this pendant.

[Amanda]

Yay.

[Shane]

That was incredible.

[Amanda]

Can we. Can we. Can one of us give, like, a quick synopsis of what just happened?

[Angela]

Yeah. They were both trying to woo her. And one was trying to woo her with books, and the other was trying to woo her with music.

[Amanda]

Music, she said.

[Angela]

I don't like either of you.

[Amanda]

Yeah, and I love that.

[Johanna]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

These women are strong.

[Shane]

Scene five Before Baptista's house. Enter Baptista, Tranio, Caterina, Bianca and Lucentio.

[Chancing Cove]

This is the day that Katarina should be wed. And yet we hear not of our son in law.

[Shane]

I told you that he was a frantic fool. He never meant to wed. Where he hath Wooed would I had never seen the man. Exit weeping, followed by Bianca. Enter Biondello. Petruchio is. Petruchio is coming. Wearing a new hat and an old jerkin. A thrasher T shirt, A bear of a pair of old britches, broken boots, apple bottom jeans, Boots with the fur and an old rusty sword on a sway horse with an old mothy saddle.

[Johanna]

And crocs in sport mode.

[Shane]

So he's coming fast.

[Amanda]

Nice crocs.

[Chancing Cove]

Who comes with him?

[Shane]

His lackey for all the world. Caparisoned like the horse.

[Chancing Cove]

I am glad he's come.

[Amanda]

Howsoe'er he comes.

[Shane]

Enter Petruchio and Grumio.

[Amanda]

Um, I'm here, so. But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride?

[Chancing Cove]

Sir, you know this is your wedding day. See not your bride in these irreverent robes.

[Amanda]

To me she's married. Not onto my clothes, But I must bid good morrow to my bride and seal the title with a lovely kiss.

[Shane]

Exit Petruchio and Grumio.

[Chancing Cove]

Let's after him and see the event of this exit.

[Shane]

Baptista and Grumio.

[Johanna]

Sir, to Bianca's love must add her father's liking. I must get a man who shall be Vincentio and make assurance of a priceless sum. So, shall you marry Bianca with consent?

[Angela]

Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage.

[Johanna]

No, we have vantage in this business. We'll overreach the amorous Lichio licho. Lycho. Lichio licho. To Father Manola and Gremio, all our masters say Glenchendio.

[Shane]

CHURCH BELLS PEAL Enter Gremio, shaking his head in disbelief.

[Johanna]

Oh, is the bride and bridegroom coming here? A bridegroom, say you? Why, he's a devil. When the priest asked if he should be his wife. Ay, by Gog's wounds, quoth he, and swore so loud that priest let the fall book. And then he fetched him such a calf that down veiled priest and book and all. He's a fucking loser. Then he called for wine and kissed the bride with such a smack that all the church did echo. You ever kiss so hard you echo the church. Such a bad marriage never was before. Such a mad marriage.

[Shane]

Enter Petruchio, Caterina, Bianca, Baptista, Grumio and Hortensio.

[Amanda]

Is this mic on? Gentlemen and friends, that have beheld me give myself to this most virtuous wife. The feast prepared, but I must hence in haste now.

[Shane]

If you love me, stay. Grumeo, my horse, do what you canst. I will not go today. The door is open, sir. There lies your way, O Kate.

[Amanda]

Content thee. Prithee, be not angry.

[Shane]

I will be angry. What hast thou to do? Baptista tries to interrupt Father.

[Amanda]

Shut the fuck up, okay? Yes.

[Shane]

He shall stay my leisure. Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner they shall go.

[Amanda]

Forward, Kate, at thy command. Go to the feast. Revel and domineer. But for my Bonnie Kate, she must with me. Here she stands. Touch her whoever dare. Grumio, draw thy weapon. Rescue thy mistress. Fear not, sweet wench, they shall not touch thee.

[Shane]

Petruchio drags the bewildered Caterina out. Grumio, menacing the guests.

[Angela]

Mistress, what's your opinion of your sister? That being mad herself, she's madly made it.

[Chancing Cove]

Lucentio shall supply the bridegroom's place and let Bianca take her sister's room.

[Shane]

Exit Scene six. Petruchio's country house. Enter Grumio shivering.

[Amanda]

Let's give some spark notes on that last scene.

[Shane]

So they talked about the wedding. They were like, that wedding was nuts, dude.

[Johanna]

So was.

[Amanda]

So Petruchio was. Why? Why did Petruchio feel like he needed to pull Katarina away so intensely?

[Angela]

Trying to match her freak.

[Amanda]

Petruchio's trying to match Katarina's freak. And that's when Bianca was like, oh, she's mad. Mated. So that makes sense. So they might be a good match.

[Shane]

Maybe.

[Amanda]

All right.

[Shane]

Okay. Scene six. Petruchio's country house. Enter Grumio shivering.

[Johanna]

Curtis.

[Angela]

Okay, who the hell is Curtis? Okay, here we go. Okay.

[Johanna]

Oh, my God. I can't wait.

[Angela]

Is my master and his wife coming? Groomeo.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God.

[Johanna]

Oh. Oh.

[Amanda]

Hey, Curtis.

[Johanna]

Hey. And therefore.

[Angela]

Fire.

[Johanna]

Fire.

[Angela]

Is she so hot? Astrue as she's reported she was before this frost.

[Johanna]

But fire. For we are frozen to death.

[Angela]

There's fire. Ready. And therefore the news.

[Johanna]

First, my master and mistress have fallen out.

[Angela]

How?

[Johanna]

Out of their saddles and into the dirt. We came down for a foul hill. And my mistress's horse fell into a miry place. And she under the horse. And she under the horse. Master left her with her horse upon her and he beat me because the horse he had stumbled. She waited through to the dirt to pluck him. To pluck me off me.

[Angela]

Him off me.

[Johanna]

To bl. To pluck me. To pluck him off me. He swore, she prayed, I cried and the horses ran away.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Johanna]

He swore, she prayed, I cried and the horses ran away. She cord. She cried, I cried and the horse ran away.

[Amanda]

Love that.

[Shane]

Enter Petruchio and Katarina. Her skirt bedraggled and dirty.

[Angela]

Bedraggled.

[Amanda]

Where is Curtis?

[Angela]

Yes, sir.

[Amanda]

Here, sir. You loggerheaded groom. Where is the foolish knave I sent before?

[Johanna]

Here, sir. As foolish as I was before.

[Amanda]

Go, rascals, go and fetch my supper.

[Shane]

In Curtis and Grumio, hurry out. Katarina stands frozen.

[Amanda]

Where is the life that late I led? Where are these? Sit down, Kate. Welcome.

[Shane]

Enter Curtis with a tray of supper things and puts it down.

[Amanda]

Jesus Christ. Be merry, Kate. My God, just fucking sang. Shall I have some meat?

[Shane]

Enter Grumio with plates of meat which he sets down.

[Amanda]

Come, Kate, sit down. I know you have a stomach.

[Shane]

Catarina sits.

[Amanda]

Tis burnt and so is all the meat. How durst you villains serve it to me?

[Shane]

Thus he throws the plates etc. At them. They gather them up and run off. I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet. The meat was well, if you were so contented.

[Amanda]

I tell thee, Kate, twas burnt and dried away. So for this night we'll fast for company. Go. I'll see thee in the bridal chamber.

[Shane]

Exit, Catarina.

[Amanda]

I say all to you. She ate no meat today nor none shall eat. Last night she slept not, nor to night she now she shall not. And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humor.

[Shane]

Scene 7 Before Baptista's house enter Tranio and Hortensio.

[Angela]

Stand by and watch how Cambio teaches her.

[Shane]

Enter Bianca and Lucentio.

[Angela]

What, master? Read you first. Resolve me that I read that I profess the art to love. And may you prove, sir, master of your art. While you, sweet dear, prove mistress of my heart.

[Shane]

He puts an arm around her. They retire.

[Johanna]

Unconstant, womankind. O Licho.

[Angela]

I am not Leecio, I am Hortensio.

[Shane]

He removes his disguise.

[Johanna]

I have heard of your affection to Bianca. Let us forswear this Cosner and her love.

[Angela]

I firmly vow never to woo her more. I'll wed a wealthy widow who hath long loved me.

[Johanna]

Mistress, I have forsworn you with Hortensio.

[Angela]

Then we are rid of Lucio.

[Shane]

Biondello runs in. I have spied an ancient who will serve our turn, I know not what, but formal in apparel, in gait and countenance, surly like a father.

[Johanna]

I'll make him glad to see him, Vincentio, and give him assurance.

[Shane]

To Baptistia, Mola, Lucentio, Bianca and Biondello. Hurry out. Enter A pedant.

[Johanna]

God save you. What a countryman I, I pray, of Mantua. Oh, of Mantua, sir. Marry, God forbid, and come to Padua careless of your life.

[Amanda]

My life, sir? How, I pray.

[Johanna]

Ah, our Duke hath Be published and proclaimed till Tis death for any one of Mantua to come to Padua.

[Amanda]

But I have bills that I must here deliver.

[Johanna]

Do you know of Vincentio of Pisa?

[Amanda]

I know him not, but I have heard of him.

[Johanna]

He is my father, sir, and doth resemble you to save your life. His favor will I do his credit. His name and credit shall you undertake. Tis you have done your business in the city.

[Amanda]

Oh, sir, I am in your debt forever.

[Johanna]

By the way, my father is here. Looked for every day to pass assurance of a dowry.

[Amanda]

Okay, so things are happening here.

[Johanna]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So a lot of stuff just happened.

[Amanda]

There's a reveal, right?

[Shane]

I think it's pretty obvious.

[Johanna]

There's a lot of. This play has so much. And now I'll put this disguise on. And now you'll put this disguise on. And this one.

[Amanda]

Yeah, tell me. So the guy who. The guy who was in disguise was trying to wed. Trying to get with Bianca.

[Angela]

They both were. And they're both in disguise as tutors. One, the tutor of music won the tutor of.

[Amanda]

Oh, got it.

[Shane]

And now the disguise has been revealed.

[Amanda]

Yes, but not to Bianca, only to the father.

[Angela]

Yes.

[Amanda]

Oh, no to Bianca.

[Angela]

No to Bianca.

[Shane]

No to Bianca.

[Amanda]

Got it. And she's not happy.

[Johanna]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Okay, fantastic.

[Shane]

So they exit. Scene eight, Petruchio's house. Enter Grumio and Caterina. I am starved for meat, Giddy for lack of sleep, with oaths keep waking and with brawling fed. Enter Petruchio with a plate of meat.

[Amanda]

Here, love. Thou seest how diligent I am to dress thy meat myself and bring it thee.

[Johanna]

Disgusting.

[Amanda]

What? Not a word. Take it away.

[Shane]

I pray you, sir, let it stand. Reaching for it.

[Amanda]

The poor service is repaid with. Thanks.

[Johanna]

I'm probably playing the servant.

[Amanda]

Ensemble member going, yeah, Going back and forth and back and forth. And I keep pulling it back.

[Shane]

I thank you, sir.

[Amanda]

Yeah, Good, good, good. She's hungry. We will return onto thy father's house with silken coats and caps and golden rings, with ruffs and cuffs and farthing gales. Farthingales and things.

[Shane]

Enter haberdasher carrying a small cap.

[Angela]

I believe this is his only line.

[Chancing Cove]

So.

[Angela]

Here. Sorry, sir. Let me try again. Here. This is the.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Petruchio's just sitting there going.

[Shane]

Imagine seeing a Shakespeare play that's flawlessly executed. And then the guy who has one line like, can't get through it.

[Amanda]

Can't get through it. He's on his deathbed.

[Angela]

Here we go. Here he goes.

[Shane]

This is my moment.

[Angela]

Here is the cup.

[Chancing Cove]

Your worship did bespeak?

[Shane]

Is there something wrong with you?

[Amanda]

Thank you.

[Shane]

Is he okay?

[Amanda]

Haberdasher. All right. Thank you so much. Honestly, you can take that vacation anytime you want.

[Johanna]

But Dasher, go home.

[Amanda]

Why? Why? This is a toy. This is a baby's cap.

[Shane]

But gentle women wear such caps as these.

[Amanda]

When you are gentle, you shall have one too.

[Shane]

That's crazy.

[Johanna]

Buy the fucking nickel.

[Shane]

Sir, let me speak. I am no child, no babe.

[Amanda]

Why thou say true? It is a poultry cap. I love thee well in that thou likest it not.

[Shane]

Love me or like me not? I like the cap, and it I will have or I will have none. Enter Taylor carrying a gown.

[Amanda]

Ah, tailor. What, O devil's name dost thou call this?

[Johanna]

Tis made according to the fashion of the time.

[Angela]

Yeah, great. Sure.

[Amanda]

I love the people I hired, I hired, I.

[Shane]

Where the fuck did you find?

[Amanda]

Very far away. I did not bid you mar it to the time.

[Shane]

I never saw a better fashioned gown.

[Amanda]

I tell thee I, that he hath marred the gown. Go, take your bubbles hence and say no more.

[Shane]

EXIT TAILOR AND HABERDASHER thank God.

[Amanda]

God, finally.

[Johanna]

Fuck you guys.

[Amanda]

They're so old.

[Shane]

God.

[Amanda]

Welcome, my Kate. For we will go tonight, even in these honest mean habilments, to dine and sport us to your father's house.

[Shane]

Exit scene 9 before Baptista's house enter Tranio and Pedant.

[Johanna]

Sir, this is the house. Please, please. It you that I call?

[Amanda]

Aye. What else?

[Johanna]

Tis well, hold your own. Here comes your boy.

[Shane]

Enter Biondello.

[Johanna]

Biondello. Imagine twere the right. Vincentio. What hast thou told Baptista?

[Shane]

That you looked for your father here to day.

[Johanna]

Good. Here comes Baptistia. Set your countenance, Sir.

[Shane]

Enter Baptista and Lucentio.

[Johanna]

Signor Baptistia, you are happily met. I pray you, stand good father to me now.

[Amanda]

Sir, coming from Padua, my son has told me of the love between your daughter and himself. I am content to have him matched. And if you agree, willing to have her so bestowed.

[Chancing Cove]

Your plainness and your shortness please me well. And if you pass her a sufficient dower, your son shall have my daughter with consent.

[Johanna]

Ha. Then at my lodging this night let us meet. There doth my father lie. And ain't like you. And ain't like you. We'll pass the business privately.

[Chancing Cove]

And well it likes me well. Bondello, go tell Bianca.

[Johanna]

Are they talking about sex?

[Shane]

Probably.

[Johanna]

Come, gentlemen, wait.

[Chancing Cove]

How she is like to be Lucentio's wife.

[Shane]

Exit Biondello.

[Amanda]

I think they're talking about money. Okay, well, probably both things Same thing. Same thing.

[Shane]

Exit Biondello Tranio. Come, gentlemen, Exit Tranio. Pedant and Baptista Biondello runs back in. The old priest at St. Luke's Church is at your command. While they are busy about a counterfeit assurance, take your Bianca to the church exit separately. Scene 10, a public road. Enter Petruchio, followed by Catarina Wary.

[Amanda]

Come, oh God's name once more towards your fathers. Good Lord, how bright and goodly shines the moon.

[Shane]

The moon, the sun. It is not moonlight now.

[Amanda]

Well, it shall be moon or star, or what I list or I journey to your father's house. I say it is the moon.

[Shane]

I know it is the moon.

[Amanda]

Ha. Nay, then you lie. It is the blessed sun.

[Shane]

In God's name. It's whatever you fucking say. Jesus.

[Amanda]

Okay, chill.

[Shane]

Don't have to make shit so hard.

[Amanda]

You're actually acting a little crazy right now, okay?

[Shane]

You're being crazy.

[Johanna]

Gaslight her. You tell me that's the.

[Shane]

Literally, the sun.

[Amanda]

Baby, I'm having a good time. Why are you so.

[Shane]

I just, like. We're just walking.

[Amanda]

I'm like, literally chilling.

[Shane]

Just go to my dad.

[Angela]

Okay?

[Amanda]

All right, chill.

[Shane]

Enter Vincentia.

[Amanda]

Wait. Forward. You're not gonna let me talk, babe, Say what?

[Shane]

Oh, we both see him coming.

[Amanda]

Okay, well, forward. But what company is coming. That's all I wanted to say.

[Shane]

Well, we saw him coming. Enter Vincentio.

[Amanda]

Good morrow, grand sire. Whither journey'st thou?

[Chancing Cove]

Oh, my name is called Vincentio. My dwelling Pisa, and I am bound to Padua, there to visit a son of mine, which long I have not seen.

[Amanda]

Ah. I may entitle thee, my loving father, the sister to my wife, this gentle woman. Yeah, right. Thy son hath married. Wonder not. Her dowry's wealthy. She's of worthy birth.

[Johanna]

Can I put that in my Instagram bio?

[Angela]

She's of worthy birth.

[Amanda]

I love that.

[Angela]

And I'll put. He's of worthy girth.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Amanda]

Yes, please.

[Angela]

Holy.

[Chancing Cove]

But. But is this true? Or traveler's merriment.

[Amanda]

Come along and see the truth. He hove here of scene 11. Vincentio is the real dad of Lunchentio.

[Angela]

Me.

[Amanda]

The fake dad is you. Oh, my other guy. There's a double creepy guy voice.

[Shane]

There's a double of a bunch of characters. Yes, and it's all about to culminate. And a bunch of lies.

[Amanda]

So Pettin revealed the voice. Who's kind of creepy is the fake dad. Got it.

[Shane]

This is our. I believe this is. We have two more scenes, but they're quick scenes. I feel like this is all gonna come. This is the climax, all right. Before Lucentio's house. Enter Biondello, Lucentio and Bianca. Swiftly, sir, for the priest is ready. I'll see the church or your back. And then come back as soon as I can. Exit Biondello, Lucentio and Bianca. Enter Petruchio, Caterina and Vincentio.

[Amanda]

This is Lucentio's house.

[Shane]

Sir, Vincentio knocks loud. The pedant looks out of the window.

[Amanda]

What's that? He knocks as he would beat down the gate.

[Chancing Cove]

I pray you, sir, tell Signor Lincentio that his father is at the door.

[Amanda]

Thou lights, thou lies. His father is here looking out at. This is not the voice thou lies. His father is here looking out at the window.

[Chancing Cove]

Art thou his father?

[Amanda]

Ay, sir, so his mother says. Why, this is a flat knavery to take upon your another's man name. Lay hands on the villain. I believe a means to cozen somebody.

[Shane]

Enter Biondello. He speaks to the audience. Mine old master Vincentio. Now we are undone.

[Chancing Cove]

Come hither, Crack hemp. Have you forgot me, you rogue?

[Shane]

I could not forget you, for I never saw you before.

[Chancing Cove]

What didst thou never see? Thy master's father Gentile?

[Shane]

Yes, sir. See where he looks out of the window.

[Chancing Cove]

Is it so?

[Shane]

Help. Help. He is a madman, will murder me. He runs out.

[Amanda]

Help, son, help.

[Shane]

Senor Baptista, Petruchio and Caterina, stand aside and observe the action. Enter Baptista, Tranio and Pedant below.

[Johanna]

Sir. What are you that offer to beat my servant?

[Chancing Cove]

What am I, sir? Nay, what are you? A silken doublet and a scarlet cloak. While I do count the change at home, my son and servant spend all at the university.

[Johanna]

Why, sir, what it concerns it to you what I wear? I thank my father, I am able to maintain it.

[Chancing Cove]

Thy father is a sailmaker in Bergamo. You mistake, sir. What do you think his name is? I have brought him up since he was 3, and his name is Tranio.

[Amanda]

Away. His name is Lucentio, and son and heir to me, Signor Vincentio.

[Chancing Cove]

He hath murdered his master. Tell me, where is my son Lucentio?

[Johanna]

Call forth an officer. Carry him to the gaol.

[Chancing Cove]

Carry me to the gaol. O monstrous villainy.

[Shane]

Enter Biondello with Lucentio and Bianca. Oh, we are spoiled. And yonder he is. Deny him, forswear him, or else we are all undone.

[Angela]

Pardon, sweet father.

[Chancing Cove]

Lives, my sweet son.

[Shane]

Exit, Tranio, Biondello and pedant, as fast as may be.

[Angela]

Pardon, dear father. O pardon, dear father.

[Chancing Cove]

How hast thou offended? Where Is Lucentio here?

[Angela]

Is Lucentio right son to right Vicentio that have by marriage made thy daughter mine?

[Chancing Cove]

Where is that damned villain Tranio? Why, tell me. Is this not my cameo?

[Angela]

Cambio is changed into Lucentio. What Tranio did myself enforced him to do.

[Chancing Cove]

Sir, have you married my daughter without my goodwill? Fear you not, Baptista. We will content you. But I will in to be revenged for this villainy. And I to sound the depths of this knavery.

[Angela]

Look not pale, Bianca. Thy father will not frown.

[Shane]

He exits. Husband, let's follow to see the end of this. Adieu.

[Chancing Cove]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

What an intense scene.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Shakespeare loved switcheroos.

[Shane]

He really liked a switcheroo.

[Johanna]

Yeah, and there's so many. But this one, this play has. There's a lot.

[Amanda]

There's a lot of switcheroos.

[Johanna]

There's a lot.

[Angela]

That's why you need, like, IDs and like, passports.

[Amanda]

Can we get some name tags on these?

[Shane]

Back in the day, you could just put on a hat and you'd be like, I'm not that guy.

[Amanda]

Yeah, exactly.

[Shane]

I'm a different guy.

[Amanda]

Come on, guys.

[Shane]

Scene 12, last scene. Lucentio's house. Enter Tranio. Grumio, Biondello, Baptista, Vincentio, Gremio, Pedant, Lucentio, Bianca, Petruchio, Caterina, Hortensio and widow Bombshell.

[Johanna]

Widow, widow and widow.

[Angela]

My fair Bianca, bid my father welcome, while I with some self same kindness, welcome thine brother Petruchio, sister Caterina and thou, Hortensio, with thy loving widow. Pray you sit down and chat before we eat.

[Shane]

All sit except for Tranio, Grumio and Biondello.

[Amanda]

Nothing but sit.

[Shane]

And sit.

[Amanda]

And eat and eat. I'm bored.

[Chancing Cove]

Padua all affords this kindness. Son Petruchio, for both our sakes, I.

[Angela]

Would that that were true.

[Amanda]

Now for my life, Hortensio fears his widow.

[Shane]

Hey, I'm the widow.

[Johanna]

Shut the.

[Shane]

He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

I pray you tell me what you mean by that. Well, you see, your husband being troubled with a shrew measures my husband's sorrow by his woe. And now you know my meaning. A very mean meaning. Right. I mean you. And I am mean indeed, respecting you. That was fucking sick, what we just did. Back, back and forth, right?

[Amanda]

That was awesome.

[Shane]

I just want you to all respect that.

[Amanda]

That was great.

[Shane]

Dining table, really quick.

[Amanda]

Widow.

[Shane]

I'm a widow. My father or my husband fucking died.

[Angela]

Okay?

[Amanda]

Yeah, sorry about that.

[Johanna]

I'd kill to see an episode of Love island where they release a widow.

[Shane]

A black widow.

[Amanda]

Release.

[Shane]

I love that she's being released.

[Johanna]

It's like instead of a bombshell, it's a widow.

[Amanda]

Release the widow to her Kate.

[Angela]

To the Grand. Just kidding. To the widow.

[Amanda]

A hundred marks. My Kate does put her down.

[Chancing Cove]

How like Scrimio, these quick witted folks.

[Amanda]

They butt well together head and.

[Angela]

But a hasty witted body would say your head and butt were head and horn.

[Amanda]

Ay, mistress bride, hath that awakened you? Have at you for a bitter jest or two.

[Angela]

Am I your bird? I mean to shift my bush. Okay, you are welcome. All.

[Shane]

Exit Bianca, Katarina and Widow now in good sadness.

[Chancing Cove]

Son Petruchio, I think thou hast the veriest shrew of all.

[Amanda]

Well, I say now, let's each one send unto his wife. And he whose wife comes first shall win the wager.

[Angela]

What is the wager?

[Amanda]

A hundred crown.

[Angela]

A hundred then. Content.

[Amanda]

A match. Tis done.

[Angela]

Who shall begin? I go Biondello. Bid your mistress come to me.

[Shane]

Exit Biondello. They wait. He soon returns. Sir, your mistress sends you word that she is busy and cannot come. How?

[Amanda]

She is busy and she cannot come? Is that an answer?

[Angela]

Go. Entreat my wife to come to me forthwith.

[Shane]

Exit Biondello.

[Amanda]

Oh, ho. Entreat her then. She needs must come.

[Angela]

I am afraid, sir, yours will not be entreated.

[Shane]

Enter Biondello. Sir, your wife says you have some jest in hand. She will not come. She bids you come to her.

[Amanda]

She will not come. Go to your mistress, say I command her to come to me.

[Shane]

Exit Grumio.

[Angela]

She will not come.

[Chancing Cove]

Now, by my holy dame, here comes Catarina.

[Shane]

Enter Catarina. She crosses to Petruchio. What is your will, sir, that you send for me?

[Amanda]

Go fetch your sister and Hortensio's wife.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Angela]

Please.

[Shane]

Exit Catarina.

[Chancing Cove]

The wager thou hast won, and I will add another dowry. 20,000 crowns.

[Amanda]

Oh, nay. I will win my wager. Better yet.

[Shane]

Enter Catarina. Leading Bianca and widow Scowling Catarina, tell.

[Amanda]

These women what duty they do owe.

[Johanna]

That's a good speech.

[Shane]

Fie, fie. Unknit that threatening, unkind brow. And dart not scornful glances at your lord who labors for you both by sea and land, while thou liest warm at home, secure and safe. My mind hath been as big as one of yours. My heart is great, my reason haply more to bandy word for word and frown for frown. But now I see our lances are but straws. So place your hands below your husband's Foot in token of which duty, if he please, my hand is ready if it do him ease.

[Amanda]

Why, there's a wench. Come on and kiss me, Kate. Now come, Kate.

[Chancing Cove]

Woo. To bed.

[Amanda]

We thee are married, but you too are sped. Twas I won the wager, though you hit the white. And being a winner, God give you good night.

[Johanna]

End of play.

[Shane]

I think that was actually Goodnight Moon, that last part.

[Amanda]

Good night. No, it was the sun, man. It was the sun.

[Angela]

Wow.

[Shane]

I understood some of it.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I knew what was going on.

[Amanda]

Sometimes I feel like Bianca's story didn't get wrapped up.

[Shane]

Yeah, she's just like, is that the abridged version? Maybe.

[Amanda]

I am leaving. These men kind of screwed her over behind.

[Shane]

Oh, wow.

[Johanna]

Wow.

[Shane]

So I think.

[Angela]

Oh, my God. Amanda, you're back.

[Amanda]

I'm back. Hello. How was the play?

[Shane]

It was crazy. So, anyways, you think the Dolphins are gonna win the Super Bowl?

[Johanna]

I think they're gonna go close. I think they're gonna get close.

[Shane]

They could definitely make it. I think they could make it.

[Amanda]

Guys, that was Shakespeare at Smosh with our wonderful friends Angela and Chance.

[Shane]

Thank you, Amanda. I hope you all enjoyed this. Yes.

[Amanda]

This was an experiment.

[Johanna]

Please, let's do a tragedy.

[Amanda]

Oh, I'm into that.

[Shane]

Gosh. Okay.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Put in the comments if you guys want us to do another play. And maybe it is a tragedy. Please.

[Angela]

So. So we do. So we do this story of Angela's prom. Oh, that took so long.

[Amanda]

Hilarious.

[Johanna]

Because I was prom queen. Mean you.

[Angela]

And that's where the tragedy begins. Whoa.

[Amanda]

Okay, we'll see you guys later. The tragedy will happen when the cameras turns off. Good morrow, Ho.

[Shane]

Good morrow, wench.