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Shane
This episode is brought to you by Google Gemini.
Amanda
With the Gemini app, you can talk live and have a real time conversation with an AI assistant. It's great for all kinds of things like if you want to practice for an upcoming interview, ask for advice on things to do in a new city.
Shane
Or brainstorm creative ideas.
Amanda
And by the way, this script was.
Shane
Actually read by Gemini.
Amanda
Download the Gemini app for iOS and Android today. Must be 18 to use Gemini Live.
Chance
70,000 people are here and Bob Dylan.
Angela
Is the reason for it.
Shane
Inspired by the true if anyone is.
Chance
Going to hold your attention on stage, you have to kind of be a freak.
Amanda
Are you a freak?
Chance
Hope so. And starring Timothee Chalamet as Bob Dylan.
Shane
He defied everyone.
Chance
Turn it down. He lied to change everything. Make some noise.
Shane
BD Timothee Chalamet Edward Norton Elle Fanny Monica Barbaro A complete unknown only in theater's Christmas day Rudy Dar under 1790.
Chance
Minute without parent Ho ho ho.
Angela
Welcome to Smoshmouth. I'm Shane. Ho ho ho. Welcome to Smoshmouth.
Amanda
I'm Amanda and we have very special guests. It's Saturday night with Angela and Chase. That's the Christmas spirit and I love it.
Shane
It's the best time of the year.
Amanda
I'm so excited, guys. Is Christmas your favorite holiday?
Chance
Yes, by far.
Amanda
Really?
Chance
Yes.
Shane
100%.
Amanda
You, Shane?
Angela
Yeah, I would say so. Okay.
Amanda
I love Christmas, you guys.
Angela
What do you love?
Amanda
Falls. I like Halloween so much though. But I love Christmas.
Angela
I like Christmas. I feel like the later half of the year is often so busy that I don't get that. I don't get that downtime to like, really think about it, enjoy it.
Amanda
Yeah.
Angela
But I do love Christmas. I love all the vibes of it. I like Christmas movies. I like Christmas music.
Chance
I feel like Halloween is draining and Christmas fills me up.
Amanda
Yeah, that's so true.
Shane
Actually, I think I learned a lot about you guys last Christmas episode when we talked about each other's traditions. I was thinking about, like, your family, how you do, like real, like, like your mom loves Christmas.
Angela
It's very much like Christmas in my family is a thing because my mom makes it a thing.
Shane
And I remembered that still to this day.
Angela
Yeah, I knew that. Angela, you a couple like as of this episode airing. A couple weeks ago, I saw some clips on TikTok. You were like, out and about being like, guys, it's too early for Christmas. And then you had a peppermint mocha and like, like the top hat on Frosty the Snowman. It brought the spirit of Christmas to you.
Shane
Yeah. It happened within 10 minutes. I walked, I walked into the grove. I walked in. It's a, it's a mall in L. A that is so designed. It's like it's supposed to feel like a Christmas town. And I walked in there and it was early in the morning. I was just making a return and there was like so much Christmas and I was like, this is crazy.
Chance
It is mind boggling. They have 150 foot tall Christmas tree, real Christmas tree.
Shane
It was like 9:30 and Santa was already out. And this is like before Thanksgiving, before I. And I. But then I like. So then I like make some stupid tick tock and I'm like, this is too early. And then I like go into the cafe and I'm like, it. Let me just get a peppermint. Got a peppermint mocha and immediately walked out. And then saw the same thing I saw before, but with jingle eyes.
Amanda
But you heard music.
Chance
It's your senses.
Shane
And I went. You know what I actually am going to try this year to think that Thanksgiving is also Christmas. Like, let's try it.
Chance
You want the turkey?
Angela
Anyway, to me the Christmas season starts like on Thanksgiving day. That's kind of when I'm like, I'm locked in. It's Christmas time.
Shane
I'm usually hardcore. Black Friday is Christmas.
Chance
Me too.
Angela
People are now kind of like Halloween is now the start of Christmas season.
Shane
That's ridiculous.
Chance
I like it.
Angela
It's just too much.
Amanda
You like it?
Chance
I like it. Just as like Thanksgiving is like an appetizer to Christmas. It's like still part of the same meal. And I'm still.
Angela
I can appreciate that. But you start getting to like, like November 10th being Christmy and I'm like too much. Little early for me. I'm burnt out by the time we get to.
Amanda
Definitely happens like November 1st.
Chance
Okay.
Shane
Because I think it's less about the holiday and more about when is a pumpkin gone. And I think pumpkins stay till Thanksgiving.
Angela
Yeah, I agree.
Shane
That's why I'm like pumpkin isn't Christmas.
Angela
They don't.
Chance
They rot.
Shane
I know that. I'm not talking physically. I'm talking just.
Chance
I'm talking physically. That's how the seasons were decided.
Amanda
They rot.
Shane
My roommate this year tried to carve a gourd.
Chance
Didn't work well.
Shane
Yeah, it didn't work.
Chance
Were there guts inside? The same as a pumpkin.
Shane
It's really rough in there.
Chance
Oh, so am I.
Angela
Okay, well maybe today will get me even more in the Christmas spirit because we all wrote the worst possible Christmas stories, Christmas fan fictions. Fan fiction involving all of us here at this table. At least that was the prompt. Maybe nobody played by the rules. That's okay. There's not really.
Chance
Really.
Amanda
I kind of wrote. I kind of wrote in the mind of if someone was watching, then I was adding in my little things that fans wouldn't know about. That I was like, this is just fun I want to talk about. So it's a. It's a hybrid.
Chance
See?
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
I did something. I did. Like, what's my version of fan fiction at Smosh for Christmas? That's what I did.
Chance
Oh, fun.
Shane
Like that. I was just like, what? Cause I was thinking about, like, I even googled fan fiction. Cause I know what it is. But, like, right before, I was like, like, what is it? And, like, I was like, oh, like, what is like, my fantasy of Christmas at Smosh. And that's what I did here.
Chance
I did more of. I did more of, like, my fantasy fan fiction.
Angela
That's great.
Shane
What do you mean?
Chance
I guess we'll find out. It's more of, like, prose, you know? Are you familiar with prose? Like, poetry?
Shane
Is yours filthy?
Chance
Mine is filthy, yeah.
Amanda
This is smutty poetry, and I'm psyched for it because that's also Christmas.
Chance
That is so Christmas.
Angela
That's Christmas.
Chance
If you're not having a hookup in your childhood bedroom. What?
Angela
Christmas shoe?
Shane
So tag us in. No, I'm kidding.
Angela
I guess. Let's get into our first story. Chance, do we want to read with.
Amanda
This smutty poem to get us really in the Christmas spirit?
Chance
Here we go.
Angela
Are we trading off, or are you going to read this?
Amanda
Oh, yeah.
Chance
We can. We can trade off, or. We can trade off or.
Shane
Oh, my God. This is. I am psyched.
Chance
We can trade off, or I can read it.
Angela
All right, Chance, you're going to read it, and we will.
Amanda
Oh, my God. I'm already so in.
Angela
Let's ride. Oh, you. My God.
Shane
Oh.
Chance
For those who can't hear or see, he's the chosen. I've just transformed into the chosen.
Amanda
The chosen mixed with someone else. And I'm the chosen Christmas bitch.
Chance
Let's ride. This is not your ordinary Christmas tale from a chosen who yaps. This is a more tantalizing tale from the chosen who faps. Twas the night before Fatmas Here in my room not a sound could be heard. Save the fans. Quiet. Zoom. Deep within my mind Fantasies can take flight of romances that could be had on this frigid winter night Holy shit. My Body curled up like a C Sec recruit dreaming of Tali in that mmm, skin tight suit. Would I dare to unmask her in the soft Christmas glow? Or share secrets enough dispels with Yennefer so progressive flow.
Amanda
Love that.
Chance
With mistletoe pinned to the top of my shelf I imagined a midnight with black cat herself. She'd tease me with leather then vanish into the night Leaving this chosen's portal Less gun than he'd like. It's a Rick and Morty portal gun, Joe. My sword collection gleamed by the side of my bed and visions of Arwen danced round in my head. Would she talk dirty somethings in Elvish leaving me unable to rest? Yes. Or would Cortana appear with those bustling binary breaths? Yes.
Shane
Stop.
Chance
Binary. Cortana is a digital.
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
From Halo.
Chance
From Halo.
Angela
Good.
Chance
Thank you. That was good, Amanda.
Amanda
Thank you.
Chance
I clutched the controller but instead drifted to my dreams where Samus upbeat in my B hole busting out them power suit scenes. It's a smash bros joke from Metroid. Great.
Amanda
Thanks.
Chance
She'd peel off her armor, my eyes open wide. Ugh. Alas, just a fantasy. Cause she's probably more of a side that's a person who doesn't like fantasies.
Shane
You don't have to explain each other.
Amanda
No, I actually enjoy the explanations.
Angela
I know that.
Chance
Yes. The clock on my wall ticked down with a chime as my thoughts wandered to the depths of Tartarus of my mind. I'd share secrets with Jazdya in a corner so dark or spend hours with Ciri under Skyrim's cold ark.
Angela
Nice.
Chance
I reach for my plushies, my soft cozy friends Wishing for carnal pleasures only the outer rim sends. For I'd battle a Balrog shore passion with a Sith or trace ley lines to the G spot of Keyleth.
Angela
That's crazy.
Amanda
Wow.
Shane
Oh my God.
Chance
Would Lara Croft swing through the rafters and pistol whip these cheeks? Or would I ask for a task from several buff Mr. Meeseeks? With my Dr. Manhattan pajamas speedily pulled down my waist My dream's sharper than Jace cheekbones and his arcane face.
Angela
Wow.
Amanda
Wow. This is unbelievable.
Chance
Would Morrigan come with her teasing smirk or tryst that red haired enchantress to make my lips perk? A Gyarados onesie and a Hektate key. I think I have just the cheat code for me. My heart thumped like bowser in pursuit of dat peach. I wanna reach around but I'll settle for a Halo reach job. I wanna get fisted by Kit Fisto in my sarlacc pit. Blood. Bend me over, Mama Hama and wr. That was several. It was an Avatar, the last Airbender reference. Star Wars. Okay. With my mattress on the floor, my body and legs splayed, dreaming of getting ravaged, and the Firefly reruns I never replay. For in my head spaceport, a Haltman drive burned. Of romances never started and therefore never returned. Of daring adventures that could only take flight in the clattered, tattered reaches of my mind each night. So here's to the dreamers, the geeks, and the nerds who know the true power of magical thoughts and words. From dungeons to Dagobah, from Darkseid to Thor, yearning for characters we'll always adore. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good game. May your nerdy romances never bring shame. For though the real world is less than divine, we've got imagination, and that suits me just fine. Here are some honorable sex mentions I didn't get to Sex Force yourself down my throat. ODM Gear, Sex Swing. That's Attack on Titan, Galbatorix and Trix. That's Eragon. And put your ratchet up my Clank. It's an old PlayStation video.
Amanda
Wow.
Angela
That's Ratchet with your ratchet.
Amanda
This is unbelievable.
Chance
Unratched.
Amanda
Did I know half the references? Yeah, kind of.
Chance
You did? Yeah.
Amanda
Cause you explained them.
Angela
You had some insane fun.
Chance
Fun? Fun.
Angela
Started off with Mass Effect, made your.
Amanda
Way through shit Chance.
Shane
Also, like, not me getting touched at the last one. Merry Christmas to all. Into all good, gay, mere nerdy romances Never bring shame. For the real world is less than divine. We've got imagination. That suits me.
Chance
Okay, you're just emotional because you just saw Wicked.
Amanda
No, but seriously, that's really fucking sweet.
Chance
Isn't that sweet?
Amanda
This is so good.
Chance
Okay, so what characters do you wish were sexy in here? What characters would you fandom about?
Amanda
Aragon.
Shane
I can't believe you, like, went full prose.
Chance
Yeah, it's so good. Was the Night Before Christmas.
Amanda
You're slaying it.
Shane
Yeah. You are so good at, like, rhymes and stuff.
Angela
How. How long did this take you? You kind of just blast this out.
Chance
I had a first draft on Monday, and then I went through, and I was like, I can make these things scan a little better. All last night.
Amanda
I'd love to see this animated.
Chance
Oh, with, like, the characters in his mind.
Amanda
Yep.
Angela
Some fan out there is like, okay.
Amanda
I would love to see it animated with Chosen on his mattress on the floor, which made me laugh so hard.
Angela
Someone's gonna animate this, and they're gonna have to upload it on pornhubs only.
Chance
Fans. Yeah.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
With my mattress on the floor is so insane.
Amanda
So good.
Chance
The fan zooming.
Amanda
When did you know you wanted to write this? When you were told, but.
Chance
Well, when it was fan fiction, I was like, okay, I want to do something sexy. And then if it's fan fiction, I can't do sexy with my co workers.
Shane
Why?
Chance
I don't want to do sexy with any of my co workers. Ew. She tried to kiss me again. Selena. And so then I was like, okay, what can I be sexy with?
Amanda
And I can be sexy with Fancy the chosen.
Shane
I also.
Chance
Yeah, that was a good veil over, though.
Shane
I forget how much of a nerd you are. Like, in a loving way.
Amanda
Yeah, you are a super nerd, and I love it so much.
Shane
And you don't lead with that, like, it's, like, such a deep thing about you.
Chance
That's fair.
Amanda
I think I found out that you were such a nerd when we played dd and I was like, damn.
Chance
Oh, yeah.
Amanda
I loved it.
Chance
I love researching and giving you spells. And I was like, hey, use this.
Amanda
Yeah, I remember that. You helped me so much.
Chance
And I was like, it's also just so.
Shane
Have you been this way since you were, like, a kid?
Chance
Like, yes. Oh, my God, yes.
Shane
Yeah.
Chance
Just like you with musicals.
Amanda
I was wondering why you were wearing a shark tooth necklace this morning.
Chance
I was like, that's really fit the vibe.
Amanda
It's like, that's a touch.
Angela
The Firefly reruns I never replayed because.
Chance
You only need to watch it once.
Angela
That's true.
Chance
You only need to watch one.
Angela
That's true.
Chance
And you don't need to watch Serenity.
Angela
Serenity is so good.
Chance
You know what? Dramatic enough?
Angela
Serenity is a great movie.
Chance
Oh, no, no.
Angela
Oh, my God.
Chance
Do people really like it?
Angela
I love it.
Chance
Oh, my God. This is news flash to me.
Angela
So I think the movie is incredible.
Shane
Can we talk about this progressive flow reference?
Chance
What?
Shane
I dare unmask her in the Christmas glow.
Amanda
Also, Jennifer the witcher. I know. I know. Jennifer.
Chance
Okay.
Amanda
I love the witch.
Shane
Or share seductive spells with. Who's Jennifer? So progr.
Amanda
The witcher.
Shane
What is the progressive flow?
Chance
That's just. I was. That's just my Nicki Minaj moment for.
Shane
A second where you just say something that rhymes perfectly.
Chance
Yeah, you just put something in. Like. And Flo could be sexy.
Shane
So progressive flow. But I dare unmask her in herself.
Angela
Why am I blanking? Is Morrigan Also from Morgan is.
Amanda
Morgan's from Court of. Oh, thorns. Or she's also something else. Everything is from Court of Thorns.
Chance
Irish crow goddess.
Angela
Oh.
Chance
Of death, I think.
Angela
Oh.
Chance
But she's also in. It's a old, old name I was thinking of.
Angela
I'm thinking I'm getting confused with Kerrigan from Nancy Kerrigan.
Shane
Yeah.
Chance
Holy crow.
Angela
Who is it from Starcraft?
Chance
Yeah. Kerrigan is Nancy. Kerrigan.
Angela
Kerrigan.
Chance
He's the goddess of death.
Angela
Kerrigan's a haughty villain.
Amanda
She is the goddess of death.
Chance
She's in the court of something really old. Yeah.
Shane
Is she alive?
Chance
I haven't gotten there yet. To tell me what she is. Where to tell me what? The Morrigan is in the court of thorns and roses.
Amanda
And you won't.
Chance
It never tells you.
Amanda
No. But there's a new book coming out.
Chance
Whoa.
Amanda
Probably next year that might reveal something.
Shane
Do I just buy this book and start.
Chance
I can't believe you bought it.
Shane
I think over the break I do it.
Amanda
I think you should.
Chance
Yes.
Shane
Can I borrow one of your copies? I don't want to buy it.
Amanda
The first one is in Greece. I left it there for some.
Angela
We have a copy we could give you.
Amanda
Yeah, I have a lot of the copies.
Chance
You're gonna like it. It's just.
Shane
I know. I just want to get to the second one.
Amanda
I think you might roll your eyes at the first one, but I think the second one.
Chance
You have to get to the first because you have to get through it. Yeah. It sets up the sec. It sets up the.
Angela
You have to.
Amanda
You have to. Also maybe reading Throne of Glass, which is what I'm into right now. Her first series.
Chance
That's the one. Fucking Dragons.
Shane
Is it smutty?
Amanda
No, no, no, no. It's not smutty at all. It's Sarah J. Maas first series that she wrote when she was 15 and then re edited it when she was older. Whoa. Wrote it on like web forums.
Chance
Whoa.
Shane
God, I love it.
Amanda
Shane's been telling me about it and then Ally, our CEO told me about it and I was like, yep, I'm in.
Chance
It's hard to.
Angela
You can't go into a bookstore without seeing like a. I'm on book three.
Amanda
But it' not smutty.
Shane
Everywhere.
Amanda
Not smutty, but it's super amazing world building. Adventurous. And there's romance in there.
Shane
It's so cool to write something as a kid and then pick it up as an adult.
Chance
Yeah.
Shane
That's why.
Angela
Pretty wild.
Amanda
You can tell it's like a mix of both. But the.
Chance
The lead, it's probably so therapeutic too.
Amanda
So good.
Chance
She's an 18 year old child. Wrote this.
Shane
Wow.
Angela
Well, this was fantastic.
Shane
This was so fantastic.
Angela
Great way to start it off.
Amanda
Yeah. I can't wait to follow this excellent piece of writing.
Chance
Well, what is yours?
Shane
Well, you said you tried to make it. What did you say?
Amanda
I wrote it once and didn't reread it.
Angela
I did the same.
Shane
Me too. Me too.
Amanda
I wanted to make a dramat. Like a drama that maybe you guys.
Angela
Will hopefully laugh at so we know that no matter what, things are going to get shittier from here.
Shane
I think this is a great way to be.
Amanda
Like, this is the top.
Shane
You clicked on this for some real shit? Sure. There it was.
Chance
There you go. Got it. Whoa.
Shane
Now let's let the dogs out.
Amanda
Let's let those little puppies out. All right, here's mine. I wrote it as a drama, but as I was reading it, as I was writing it, I was laughing again. It's written in the way that a fan. That a fan would write it. A real fan. But then there's little Amanda things in it that only we would know.
Shane
Okay.
Angela
I wrote mine in a way that nobody would write it.
Chance
Okay. What is the.
Angela
I don't know what that. I don't know what that.
Amanda
Don't read ahead.
Chance
Okay, we're not.
Amanda
Here's the deal.
Shane
Oh, my God, it's thick.
Amanda
I'm going to be reading every thing and all the other characters and you guys are just gonna be reading your characters.
Chance
Okay.
Shane
Okay. So you're reading the same direction I'm reading Everything.
Amanda
Everything. Okay.
Shane
Doing a play with an 8 year old. So I'm reading everything and you guys just do your characters.
Amanda
And when I'm talking, you guys can't.
Angela
Talk if the character is not listed as Shane. Do I read it?
Amanda
Buff Shane? Yes.
Angela
Okay, I will read. So any other version of Shane I will read as well.
Amanda
There's only one version of Shane. Oh, yeah. Sometimes I wrote Shane and sometimes I wrote buff Shane. That's all you.
Shane
Okay.
Amanda
Cause I simply forgot.
Chance
Okay, I see that there's two different types of chances. Am I reading both of those chances?
Amanda
And yes, because I didn't mean for there to be two different chances. I just never went back.
Angela
We now see how Amanda views us.
Shane
Oh, so this is fun.
Angela
Two versus two.
Amanda
And then Angela. This is really fun.
Shane
There's buff chain and normal chain and sexy chance and normal chance and just Angela.
Amanda
Correct.
Angela
Wow.
Amanda
Okay.
Angela
You have no Persona.
Amanda
Are we ready?
Shane
Yes.
Chance
This is A.
Angela
This is a lot of people.
Chance
Yeah.
Amanda
This is a drama.
Angela
Okay.
Chance
It's called drama.
Amanda
You can. I'm just reading it as a drama. Yeah.
Chance
Okay.
Angela
A Christmas drama.
Amanda
It's called who's Santa here, question mark.
Shane
What the fuck is that even fucking.
Chance
Oh.
Amanda
Written by Amanda Lehan. Kento.
Chance
Oh.
Amanda
Interior. Smosh. Office. And that's the only time that I'll write in a way that is formatted for tv. The office smells like burnt candles and mini gluten free bundt cakes. It must have been someone's birthday. Anyways, who cares? Angela Busson, hair in two little tiny cute braids, gripping her puppy mug and wearing a full on Santa outfit, beard and all.
Shane
I'm grateful. Merry almost Christmas biatches.
Amanda
Buff Shane, who's married to Courtney now, slowly walks up to Angela. He looks nervous and deadly serious.
Angela
Hey, chica.
Chance
What, Chica?
Amanda
You didn't hear Angela giggling and smiling wide, not understanding that he is not around.
Shane
Oh my God. Hear what? Like my outfit. Like my outfit. I'm Santa. I thought it would be fun and cute. Everyone's gonna a brick when they see me.
Amanda
Buff Shane, who's married to Courtney now, puts a hand on her shoulder.
Angela
No, baby girl, stop. No one's going to be shitting anything.
Amanda
Because Angela rips his hand off her shoulder and gives him the middle finger.
Shane
What do you mean? Buff Shane, you're scaring me.
Amanda
Sexy Chance saunters up. His lips are pursed, outfit impeccable.
Chance
No, Angela, you're scaring us.
Amanda
Angela whips her head back and forth between both of them. Buff Shane, who's married to Courtney now, puts his hand back on her shoulder. This time she doesn't rip it off.
Angela
Someone else is already Santa today. Chica, Chica, Chica.
Amanda
It makes me laugh. Everything stops. The world halts. The moon cracks wide open. Emily, super far away at her desk, says to no one in particular in a Texas accent, oh my God. And Bailey turns to her. Were you talking to me? Then the whole office becomes silent for like the first snowfall of death. Angela stops breathing for one whole second.
Shane
Who. Who else is dressed as Santa today?
Chance
Who?
Amanda
Sexy Chance and Buff Shane, who's married to Courtney now, shake their. Shake their heads.
Chance
It's. It's.
Amanda
Out of nowhere we see big tall mother who's married to a Belarusian model. Amanda strolls, strolls over to them with her dick out.
Chance
What? With her dick out.
Shane
Your dick is out.
Amanda
Oh wait, let me. Let me add that. With her super big dick out.
Angela
He said there was no smut.
Shane
Eating.
Amanda
Eating a cheese Pack and chugging a big bottle of wine. She is the one dressed like Santa. Shit.
Chance
Ho ho ho.
Amanda
How's everything going? What are memes? I kid. I'm Santa.
Shane
This is crazy.
Amanda
I'm Santa.
Angela
Isn't this fun?
Amanda
Amanda stops dead in her tracks. She stares at her once best friend slash soulmate Angela. Excuse me?
Chance
Oh come on.
Shane
Now. Now I understand the title. Who is Santa?
Amanda
Excuse me? I'm Santa. Why are you Santa? Angela stares right at Amanda like she's never seen her before.
Shane
It's my turn to be funny, Amanda. So I thought, what a better way to be funny than be Santa? I want it to be a surprise. Why are you doing this to me?
Chance
Why?
Amanda
Angela spins in a circle, arms out, super dramatic.
Shane
Why?
Amanda
Being Santa is my job, Angela. This is my job. Emily from Pitt literally asked me to do this. It's my fucking job to be Santa. I thought you of all people would respect that.
Angela
You guys are out of control. I'm married to Courtney. Have you seen the TikTok about?
Chance
Stop it Buff Shane. I'm married to the booty hole. Hehe. Wrong time.
Amanda
Angela screams loudly and stomps her feet.
Chance
Angela, this isn't fair.
Amanda
You know what's not fair? Being called Angela every day and people not. And people going oh shit.
Angela
Haha.
Amanda
Amanda. Sorry. Haha. You guys are just always together. Hahaha ha. No, not anymore. And also I'm six feet fucking tall. There is a difference. But it's true. At one point we were basically one. Sweet kisses under the bridge. Dinner in Manhattan.
Shane
Dinner in Manhattan.
Amanda
Horsey rides on the mountains in Malibu.
Angela
What?
Amanda
But we're not that anymore. I am me. And I have to separate myself. So for today, I am the only.
Chance
One who can be Santa.
Shane
Amanda, I told you a thousand times, you are married.
Chance
Stop this dirty talk.
Angela
I am Santa, chicas. Let's not.
Amanda
Just then both Amanda and Angela backhand Buff Shane so hard it completely propels him into one of the walls. Right into the conference. All that's left is the Kool Aid guy Outline. Hole in the wall.
Chance
That's good.
Amanda
Angela. If you won't listen to me, then listen to my real friends. All of a sudden a gust of wind blows through the office and a massive crash comes through the ceiling. We hear Emily at her desk. In particular in a Texas accent. Oh my God.
Shane
And Bailey right next to her says.
Amanda
Are you talking to me? Just then a massive crash sound 200 ripped as fuck reindeer come crashing down through the ceiling.
Shane
How can a reindeer be ripped and.
Amanda
A massive sled attached to them barrels through, almost destroys everything in its path. Hey, guys, leave our mommy alone. Says the reindeer. And just then, the ripped reindeer punches Angela so hard she flies backward into the already open hole into the conference room and lands on Buff Shane, who's married to Courtney now.
Angela
Ouchies.
Shane
Sorry about that.
Amanda
Flames erupt around Amanda. There is fucking glitter everywhere. Hot chocolate bursts out of her pores. Her skin becomes velvet. Her eyes glaze over. Sugar plums dancing around her head. Whatever the fuck those are. Basically, she is drunk with power.
Chance
I am Santa.
Amanda
Everyone will know my name. Sexy Chance jumps into the hole in the conference room and lands on Angela and Buff Shane.
Chance
Cuddle me. I'm scared.
Angela
I've got you, son.
Chance
Son.
Amanda
Just then, Amanda gets on her sled and all the ripped as fuck reindeer give Angela Sexy chance and Buff Shane, who's married to Courtney now the middle finger. All will bow in my name. Time to take over the world. Just then, Amanda is gone. Or should we say Santa? Out of nowhere, Ollie turns the corner. Happy and joyful, he peers through the hole. Hey, guys. We're gonna get you loved in five minutes. Also, has anyone seen Amanda? She's dressed as Santa. It's so cute. They all shake their heads in absolute fear.
Chance
I haven't seen her. Not sure.
Amanda
Nope. Ollie leaves. Sexy Chance turns to Angela.
Chance
So you went on a horsey ride in Malibu?
Shane
Yeah. It was actually really enjoyable.
Chance
Nice.
Angela
I like horsies.
Amanda
Nice end.
Chance
Wow.
Amanda
And then in the distance, to no one in particular, Emily in her text, the sex and goes. Oh my God.
Angela
Oh my God.
Amanda
And Bailey goes. I see we're talking to me. Are you talking?
Shane
I'm.
Amanda
And that's the end of who's Santa here?
Shane
Who's Santa Here? Is the funniest title to me.
Chance
So Amanda was Santa.
Amanda
I was Santa.
Angela
So you guys, dinners?
Chance
Hey. Hey. No, I was misunderstood Santa.
Amanda
I love Santa.
Angela
Manhattan. But horsey rides in Malibu.
Amanda
We traveled the globe.
Angela
You're flying back and forth extensively.
Amanda
Yeah.
Angela
Why was I calling people chica? You always called people because.
Amanda
Because I was. Your character specifically was written through fans eyes. Okay. I don't know why, but Buff Shane, who's married to Courtney now, who calls people chica and baby girl, I don't know why that made me laugh so hard.
Chance
I mean, it makes sense.
Amanda
Yeah. And then Sexy Chance was through my eyes. And also probably through the fan's eyes.
Chance
Okay.
Amanda
And then Angela was through my eyes and made through the fan eyes. I thought in my whole head that we were gonna have a makeout scene. And Then I was like, but instead.
Shane
I'm just a monster.
Amanda
No, no, that's the thing. That's the thing. I'm the monster.
Chance
Yeah. I think Amanda's the monster.
Amanda
No, I'm the monster.
Shane
I know, but. But. But I'm fighting so hard for attention. So. No, obviously, we have to unpack that.
Amanda
No, clearly, you and me have, like.
Angela
You're both bad people.
Amanda
Clearly, you and me had a breakup. And here's the thing. I want to get this straight. I don't care when people call me Angela, But I thought it was really funny that that fueled my Amanda character, that people continuously called me Angela. So I was like, I have to separate myself.
Shane
It's so funny.
Amanda
And I think I got the idea because I was actually Santa, and people are like, oh, my God, you're the one who. Santa. I'm like, yeah. And they were like, nice.
Chance
And there's something about Santa where Santa is always. Santa's always giving. But when does Santa get gifts?
Amanda
Exactly.
Shane
It's actually so true.
Angela
Selfish Santa.
Shane
Has anyone made a movie where he wants a gift?
Chance
Oh, what gift would you even give him? He has everything.
Amanda
He has everything. All he wants is unsifiable power.
Chance
I'd give him a fucking.
Angela
A fucking. A break. A. I'll give him a goddamn break.
Shane
I'm giving protein powder.
Amanda
I also feel like Amanda. Yeah. Amanda can't. Like. Yeah. Oh, my God. A resort. Amanda can't lose control. So the only way she can lose control is as Santa. This.
Chance
Who told Amanda that she can't lose control?
Amanda
My inner child.
Chance
Yeah.
Angela
You're fighting a battle, everybody.
Shane
I'm six feet tall.
Amanda
No, this thing just made me laugh, I think.
Shane
Sweet kisses under the bridge. You forgot that one.
Amanda
So no sweet kisses under the bridge. Dinner.
Shane
Dinner in Manhattan. Horsey rides in mountains.
Amanda
And then what made me cry tears is the thought that everything's happening right when we walk in. And super far away, it's just Emily and Bailey with their headphones on, typing, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And she goes, tyree talking to me. That just. That thought made me laugh so hard.
Chance
Can you describe the. Can we talk about the buff on page four? There's diving into the text. All right. Diving into the page when the ripped reindeer.
Amanda
Yeah.
Chance
So you're just picturing, like, a muscular reindeer.
Amanda
I'm picturing these reindeer are nuts. Like, you know when a motorcycle gang pulls up and I, like, whistle to them. Yes, that's them. They are rippled with muscle.
Shane
And they say, leave our mommy alone.
Amanda
Yeah. I'm their Mommy.
Shane
Okay, got it.
Amanda
My mother.
Chance
Okay.
Amanda
Which is also like through the fan's eyes. Okay, I'm mommy, I have a million reindeer.
Chance
Are kids an allegory for the fans?
Amanda
Yes. Yes.
Angela
Okay.
Amanda
They're like protecting me.
Chance
Yeah.
Amanda
From you guys. But in actuality, I am the monster.
Shane
This is the funniest thing.
Amanda
Oh my God.
Chance
Oh my God.
Shane
Crying, laughing.
Amanda
I just wanted to write a drama and then it was just making me laugh.
Angela
I like to think that Emily's not even reacting to what's going on around her. Like she is saying oh my God. Does something, something she's reading online.
Amanda
She's like, this is the funniest thing.
Chance
Oh my God.
Amanda
But I saw you as being like, I'm Angela. I'm gonna make a name.
Chance
No, I love you.
Amanda
People always are. Like Amanda and Angela.
Shane
It's so good.
Amanda
So I was like, I'm gonna be the demon.
Shane
I love you. And I fighting over who's Santa.
Amanda
Yeah. You know that feeling when you're at Ross and you find the best gifts for way less. Like brand name sweaters, the coolest kids toys and plush dog beds. Get that feeling with every gift.
Angela
And save 20 to 60% off other.
Amanda
Retailers prices at Ross.
Angela
Yes.
Amanda
For less.
Shane
This is crazy.
Amanda
It's not even about Santa.
Shane
Because you are you. And mine is gonna be a great follow up to this.
Angela
Oh, perfect.
Shane
And we could do that whenever, but yours next.
Chance
Do it.
Shane
Yeah, I think. Yeah.
Angela
Did you write the same exact story?
Shane
So it's, it's crazy. It's word. It's just everything's different and you're not buff.
Amanda
Oh my God.
Chance
No, I'm kidding.
Amanda
I gave you. Yeah, I gave you guys like, I was like duh.
Angela
No, you were very kind.
Amanda
And then I wrote once that you were married to Courtney and I was like, I have to write it every time.
Shane
That was so fun.
Angela
Every time.
Amanda
Oh, my fans eyes. It's like Shane who's married to Courtney now.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
This was so enjoyable.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
I feel like people should write fan fiction for each other all the time.
Amanda
It's really fun.
Angela
Probably weird whenever I found out that Sid and Olivia do that for each other.
Amanda
It's so sweet.
Chance
What?
Angela
For their, for their like birthdays, they write like, like extensive like 50 to 100 page fanfic that is each other.
Amanda
For each other's and. But they never share it with anybody.
Angela
They don't show it to anyone except each other. And they're apparently beautiful.
Amanda
Isn't that beautiful?
Angela
They're apparently insane.
Shane
I remember my best friend college. I Wrote her a sketch for her birthday because we were like obsessed with sketch. It's so.
Angela
That's so dorky.
Shane
Yeah. Okay. Okay. Of dorky. Okay. So for mine, I want to go back and just say that I did this. Like, I was like. I. For. I was like, what? What do I want to do? Because I was thinking of like creative things, but then I was like, no, I'm actually just gonna write like, what's my dream Christmas here.
Amanda
Oh, I love that.
Shane
Oh, yeah. I want to say this is like my dream of Christmas here. And I did this exactly. Like I did it for Smash Mouth. Exactly. I did ham cake where I did this right before falling into a deep slumber. So I don't remember any of it before.
Angela
You get dream puzzles, right?
Shane
Yeah. And I am, I am. I was truly like falling asleep as I wrote this.
Amanda
I love it.
Chance
It.
Amanda
You did a title page written by author's name.
Shane
Oh, I did. I, I, I, my, my freaking script thing. I have like the cheap script version copyright. Everyone just be yourself and I will read stage direction. I think it's Angela's dream Christmas at Smosh Interior Smosh Studio. Shane, Chance, Angela, and Amanda are all standing in the kitchen making coffee and eating breakfast.
Angela
This is going to be a really great episode, you guys.
Amanda
Yeah, we are super excited to have you guys on during the holidays for Smosh Mouth again.
Chance
Us too.
Shane
Thanks for having us. Amanda takes a deep breath. Huge vibe shift.
Amanda
God, I'm tired.
Chance
Me too.
Shane
Boy, you can say that again.
Angela
Yeah, it's been a lot of working lately.
Shane
I like, can't wait for the holidays to come so we can all have some chill fest.
Chance
Yes, a chill fest.
Amanda
I need a massage so damn bad.
Angela
Does your back hurt? My back hurts so much.
Shane
It's all the time we're on our phones. It's hurting everyone's backs.
Chance
They say God isn't existing right now. Just exhausting.
Amanda
It's hard to grow up, especially in the world we live today.
Angela
I am just so fucking tired.
Shane
They all take a deep breath as they sip their coffee. Selena walks in the kitchen.
Angela
Selena says, hey guys, it's time to get you all mic'd up. 10 minutes till the episode.
Shane
Selena walks out. Angela, Amanda, Chance and Shane all put their coffees down. Slow walk on their way to the stage. Chance sees an old fashioned trash can. Unlike the production style massive trash cans at Smosh, this one looks tin and like it would live in an old movie with a tin cap on top. The four stop to look at it.
Chance
Huh, what's that?
Amanda
Doing there?
Shane
Yeah.
Chance
Huh. Well, what's in?
Shane
Chance takes the top off the trash can and as he does, he falls down head first. Chance falls further and further down. Shane goes to see where Chance went and he also falls down. So does Amanda. So does Angela. They're tumbling further and further down, all screaming, but not scared screaming because it's like rated G. So they're like, whoa.
Angela
Are you not allowed to scream intensely in the pg?
Shane
I just mean, like, it's not scary.
Chance
Whimsical.
Angela
Except me. Just like.
Shane
Yeah, exactly. As they continue to tumble, snowflakes come brushing past them. This portal turns snowy. More and more snowflakes fly around them as they soar through the air. Suddenly, they land all in a pile of snow. Amanda's like, whoa.
Amanda
What happened?
Angela
Oh, my God. I'm covered in snow.
Shane
They all wipe the snow off. They have. They're in perfect snow angels. They look up. They look at each other for the first time. They all have Whoville style noses. Whoville pointy ears and long hairstyles that reach up to the sky. Jingle bells are heard all around them. A clock strikes more jingle bells. Wait.
Chance
Your nose, your hair, our feet.
Shane
They'll have pointy Whoville shoes.
Amanda
Wait, where are we? What just happened?
Shane
They look around and suddenly they see a bustling Christmas town. Small zany cars are flying through the streets. Long, wacky street lights, super large and skinny wreaths everywhere. Are we in Whoville? Just then who? Ian walks by. You could do that, Amanda.
Amanda
Move, move, move. I gotta get these gifts to the mall.
Shane
Oh, Courtney dressed like Cindy Lou, who follows him holding a mountain of gifts.
Chance
Hey, slow down.
Amanda
Who?
Shane
Selena. You could do this. Shane walks by shouting on a megaphone that looks zany.
Angela
Ten minutes till Christmas. Oh, my God. Guys, we are in Whoville during Christmas.
Chance
Are we in the Ron Howard Whoville?
Shane
Just then, Martha May Hoovier, played by Christine Baranski. You can play. Christine Baranski walks by.
Chance
Betty. Hi.
Amanda
Oh, great.
Chance
Oh, my God. We are.
Amanda
Wait.
Shane
Where did Amanda go?
Angela
Yeah. What the heck?
Chance
She was just right here. Where's Selena? Where's the smosh mouth set?
Angela
Where's Amanda?
Shane
Suddenly they hear big loud footsteps.
Chance
Oh, my God.
Amanda
Here we go.
Shane
Boom, boom, boom.
Chance
The earth shakes.
Angela
Snow falls.
Shane
The wind picks up.
Angela
Selena says, zero minutes till Christmas.
Shane
Everyone starts panicky. Ring around. But not a Whoville panic anymore. They're afraid. The snowstorm picks up. Presents are flying through the wind, knocking down cars and street signs.
Angela
Why is everyone running?
Shane
What are they running from?
Angela
Selina says he's here.
Shane
Boom.
Angela
The Grinch.
Shane
Just then, flying down from the tallest mountain of Whoville comes Amanda as Jim Carrey as the Grinch. She flies down the mountain so fast, her grin so wide, the town screams, ha.
Chance
Okay, this next part. This next part is crazy. Amanda says ha.
Shane
Then the stage direction goes, ha.
Chance
Then a character named Ha says ha. Ha.
Amanda
So since I. Oh, the Grinch still has this nose.
Shane
So let's do that. Here we go. And you'll play ha.
Amanda
Here we go. Okay.
Chance
Okay. Hang. Ha. Ha.
Amanda
You.
Chance
You can't hide from the. The. The.
Amanda
The Grinch. Okay, now here, mannequin go off and do whatever monologue bit. Is the Grinch as she wants, and she can be as silly and loud as. As she wants. Okay. The end. I'm the Grinch.
Shane
You're really gonna bitch this. Yeah, we're taking it back.
Chance
We're taking it back. We're taking it back. Amanda, you have to do a monologue as well.
Amanda
Well, we're gonna take it back.
Chance
You're gonna take it back. We're gonna get you to the moment.
Amanda
We're gonna take you to the moment.
Angela
Follow your heart.
Shane
Be the Grinch.
Chance
It's. You're the Grinch. It's the monstrous Amanda.
Shane
We're going from ha. Ready? You're ha. To stage directions ha. To ha's ha. Here we go.
Chance
Okay, so just complain about things what you don't like.
Amanda
Ha.
Chance
Ha. Okay. Ha. Ha.
Shane
You can't hide from the.
Chance
The. The.
Amanda
The Grinch. Wow. I hate this Christmas. I hate that my nose looks like this, and I hate food, and I hate little puppy dogs. And I have a small, little, tiny heart. And I'm hungry. I want cookies, and I want snacks, and I want hot cocoa, and I don't like this mountain, and it's so cold. And I've got a big belly. I'm sexy. I have a sexy body, actually.
Shane
Look at my body.
Amanda
Look how sexy I am.
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
Thank you so much. People say that I look like Jim Carrey.
Shane
So one of my favorite characters and my favorite comedic performances. So I gave it to you. Thank you so much.
Angela
Aww.
Amanda
You look like a different person, dickhead. You look like a rich, like, guy who's like, hey, you just moved the neighborhood. My wife Amy. And I feel bad. I didn't understand.
Shane
But I didn't write us as who's.
Angela
We're going to the lake house this weekend.
Shane
I should have written us as who's more like, oh, no, where's everybody running from?
Chance
No, no, it's. It's.
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
You also you look like a who.
Chance
That's the point. Right?
Shane
I know. It's just really good.
Amanda
You kinda look like a really stuck up person in school who's just like. Hey, just letting you know that you can't be late for Mrs. Johnson's class.
Chance
I'm actually the hall monitor this week and I'm gonna write you up. If you're not on class on time. The third bell chime is the time.
Amanda
And you're like. You're like.
Shane
Where are you, Chris?
Amanda
You're like. I am having a jewelry party at my house. The Mary Kay party.
Chance
Nettie.
Shane
So anyway, I use this. I combine my favorite people. You guys. And Smosh with my favorite Christmas movie and kind of favorite movie ever. Ron Howard's the Grinchy Soaked Christmas.
Amanda
It's so good.
Chance
Incredible.
Angela
It has me thinking of a. I have a question. Is it ever summer in Whoville?
Shane
I don't know.
Chance
I don't know.
Angela
Wait, is it like winter?
Shane
Oh, no.
Chance
Yes.
Amanda
Because 247 Christmas. Cause remember, night before Christmas, he goes in there.
Chance
She hasn't seen Nightmare Before Christmas. But the.
Amanda
That's crazy.
Chance
But what about Horton? Here's a. Who are those Whovilles? There's who's in Whoville?
Shane
Oh, yeah.
Chance
And they're definitely. It's definitely like tropical. Tropical climate.
Shane
Do all. What's his name again?
Angela
The Grinch?
Shane
No.
Amanda
Who's Jim Carrey, the writer of all these things.
Shane
Are all Dr. Seuss things take place in Whoville?
Angela
No.
Chance
Well, Horton Hears a who is outside of the unit. The whole universe is on the Dandelion or whatever.
Shane
Oh my God.
Chance
All of Whoville is on. It's like the Men in Black Marble situation.
Angela
That's crazy because there's like green eggs and ham. They're not who's. There's. There's Yodel the Turtle.
Chance
Lorax is not a who.
Angela
Yeah, Red, there is.
Shane
Oh, the places you'll go is just the places you'll go.
Angela
And that's just some guy.
Chance
Whoville is just in the universe of Seuss.
Shane
Whoville is on a snowflake.
Amanda
No, no, no.
Shane
Not Brennan.
Chance
Going up to snow on a flower.
Shane
In a very business mat fashion going.
Angela
That's a different. That's a different.
Chance
So there's different species of who's who's.
Angela
All live on different little things.
Shane
I think hanging out in Whoville with my best friend is my fantasy.
Amanda
I wanted to travel. How do you get to another snow.
Shane
You don't need to.
Angela
Are there. Who's that live on a little piece of asbestos that's probably what.
Chance
That's probably what other planets are saying about Earth. They're like, well, what do they do if they want to leave Earth?
Shane
Well, oh, I wish we would go to Whoville together.
Amanda
You know what? You know what this does, is I can never fully close my mouth.
Shane
Yours is tight, then.
Amanda
Tight.
Chance
Yeah, it's pulling my. Like, whatever this muscle is above my left. Yep, it's pulling that.
Shane
But remember that part in the movie? He goes, 10 minutes till Christmas. And then I had Selena go, 10 minutes till you're getting miked. So there's, like, little subtle, you know?
Chance
That's awesome.
Amanda
You look like you're at. You're at your favorite pub by the lake house. That's, like, super rich and fancy, and you're six beers deep when you do that.
Angela
I'm telling you, Margaret's just not been paying attention.
Shane
But I can't serve you another.
Angela
No, it's. I can handle another.
Shane
Wow.
Chance
He's okay.
Amanda
Such a good fricking story. And. And also, it's very interesting that you made me a demon. I know myself.
Shane
It's the opposite. It's my favorite comedic character in, like, all of history, and I gave it.
Amanda
To one of my favorites.
Chance
I liked how big and heavy you made her footsteps.
Shane
What was that thing? We did something in some episode, and we were talking about you on the way, and we were like, boom, boom.
Amanda
I love it.
Shane
I think Spencer made that joke, and it made me laugh so hard.
Amanda
I freaking love it.
Chance
Oh.
Angela
Well, I. I think I can say with. With absolute certainty that everything you guys wrote is better than mine. That it's more. At least. At the very least, it's more coherent than mine.
Chance
Okay.
Amanda
Saved yours for last. I love this so much.
Angela
I wrote this very quickly.
Chance
Whoa.
Shane
I love this so much.
Chance
Whoa.
Shane
It's like my grandma's big bible.
Angela
I wrote this. I wrote this in Google Docs, so it's not formatted well. Do not read ahead.
Chance
Okay. I was just looking at the font. I'm excited about this.
Shane
I just saw something in red.
Chance
There's font and there's color.
Amanda
Like a tea TV script from the 50s.
Angela
I feel like, okay.
Chance
Never really leaves you.
Angela
So I titled this A Very Smosh Christmas.
Shane
Okay.
Angela
I don't know if that's fitting, because I titled it before I started writing it.
Chance
Okay.
Amanda
Love that.
Shane
Yeah.
Angela
Okay, so you guys read yourselves. I will read anything else that comes up.
Amanda
Everything else.
Angela
Yeah. I'll read the stage direction myself. All right, here we go. A very Smosh Christmas. It was only a Few days before Christmas and the Smosh gang was wrapping up on an episode of Smosh Mouth. Thanks for watching.
Chance
Bye.
Angela
As the episode ends, the gang gives each other hugs and pats on the back like they do after every episode of everything they film at Smosh.
Amanda
Wow, guys, those are some crazy fan fictions.
Shane
Why is this gonna be in all caps? Yeah, I wish I had brought my glasses so I could read them.
Chance
Angela.
Shane
Wait, I forgot them in my car.
Chance
Oh, wait.
Angela
Angela reaches into her pocket and pulls out her glasses.
Chance
Hee hee.
Shane
Oopsie.
Angela
Laughter all around. Just then, the faint, muffled sounds of singing is heard outside.
Chance
Wait, is that Carolers?
Angela
The gang rushes to the front door and flings it open, revealing the snowy night outside and a group of adorable carolers dressed in festive attire, singing Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, jingle all.
Shane
Get the fuck off our property.
Angela
Angela. Peppers sprays the carolers, who run away in fear and pain.
Chance
Don't you ever come back.
Amanda
Yeah, or else we'll kill you.
Angela
Phew. That was a close one. Christmas was almost ruined. Just then, bells begin chiming in the air.
Chance
Whoa, whoa. This is psycho.
Shane
Wait, what? That sound.
Chance
Shane.
Angela
It sounds like. Shane takes a few steps out into the road, looking up at the sky. The bells get louder and louder.
Shane
This is crazy.
Angela
Oh, my gosh, you guys, I think it's set. Just then, a Ford Fiesta hits him, launching him into the air, where he then explodes into fireworks.
Amanda
Oh, my God, he exploded.
Chance
I always knew he was fireworks.
Shane
Again with this fucking bot. It's getting bigger and bigger and it.
Amanda
Says, but like butt.
Shane
But wait, who was driving the Ford Fiesta?
Angela
The Ford Fiesta swerves and crashes into the Smosh. Mailbox, which looks like a pink donut or some shit. The door.
Amanda
I love that.
Angela
The door opens, revealing a plump old man with a thick white beard and red coat and hat.
Amanda
Oh, my God. Is that. Oh my God, what's his name? He's in that one movie. Oh, shoot. What? Wait, what's it called? Oh, he's such a great actor. Oh, uh, Chris Klein. No. No.
Chance
Oh, shoot.
Shane
Who is it?
Chance
It's Santa Claus.
Amanda
No.
Angela
Santa.
Amanda
Fuck you.
Angela
Santa stumbles up to the cave. They can now see he's holding a nearly empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
Chance
Oh, God.
Angela
Ah. Smosh. You need to save Christmas.
Chance
No way. You killed our friend. What?
Amanda
Oh, my God.
Chance
Whoa.
Amanda
Please. You guys can't tell, but it's crazy.
Shane
You launched him into the sky and blew him up.
Angela
Oh, shit. Okay, yeah, I didn't see that. All right. Oh, I can fix this. Santa kneels down and begins scooping up snow. We just gotta rebuild him and put a hat to make him alive.
Amanda
Are you drunk?
Chance
No, guys, I believe him. Let's rebuild our friend.
Angela
The gang then begins rebuilding Shane with snow. And not only that, they built him to be 7ft tall with angel wings. Once complete, they set up a ladder, which Angela climbed up holding a gentleman's hat and placed it up on top of his head. Immediately, sparkles dazzled around, and the giant snowy form turned human.
Amanda
It's working.
Chance
He turned real.
Shane
La navidad Si salva.
Amanda
Oh, God.
Chance
Jesus.
Angela
Whoa. What happened?
Chance
Oh, my God.
Shane
I can fly.
Angela
Shane begins flapping his new wings, rising up high into the air.
Amanda
I'm flying.
Chance
I'm flying.
Amanda
Yay.
Chance
Christmas is saved.
Shane
Whoo.
Angela
Shane flies up higher and higher, laughing with glee. This is amazing, you guys. This is the best Christmas gift. Gift.
Amanda
Ev.
Angela
A Boeing Airbus flies directly into Shane, exploding him into fireworks. Everyone screams. Well, shit. Everyone goes inside except Angela, who stares up at the Christmas night sky.
Amanda
All right. Nightmare. There's no way she can read that. Wait a second. Yike.
Shane
Hold on, hold on.
Chance
I read it.
Shane
I got it. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night, Angela.
Angela
I was banking on you not being able to read it. And then Chance's line is, angela, you forgot your glasses. At the end, I realized I'm like, oh, you can put it in 1% font.
Amanda
I love the different fonts because it makes it so fun.
Shane
I love your brain. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Chance
My favorite was says Ford Fiesta.
Amanda
Also, Santa being wasted.
Angela
Just the fact that Santa's driving a Ford Fiesta on the night of before Christmas.
Chance
Yeah, we're the reindeer.
Shane
I really died. You got to fly. She went to our mailbox.
Angela
I got to fly that. I got hit by a Boeing Airbus.
Chance
And you got to be 7ft.
Shane
And he went to our mailbox, and it's a pink donut or whatever.
Chance
You guys remember the book series Maximum Ride?
Shane
No, no, not the time. I think this was so good.
Amanda
No, not the time.
Angela
Can I tell you, Amanda, that one line I wrote, that. That came out of my brain, like, as I was writing it. I was like, oh, my God, is that. Oh, my God, what's his name?
Amanda
It's literally what I do all the time. I do it all the time. And what sucks is, like, my sister does it, and it drives me nuts when she does it, But I'm always like, what's that name? We have to cut so much out of smash mouth. I'm always like, wait, wait, wait, what's that guy's name?
Angela
And it'll be funny.
Amanda
And Spencer's here. He's like, y. What's his name?
Angela
It'll be some actor that most people watching will be like, don't.
Chance
You are all, what.
Shane
What is. What is his name?
Amanda
I'm like, you know, three men and a little baby. That guy with a big mustache. What's his name? What's his name?
Angela
At the end, it's like, oh, Tom Selleck.
Amanda
And then people go, who don't know who he is.
Angela
Okay, awesome. Tom Selleck. We got it.
Chance
But there's power in a name.
Amanda
I just have to know.
Shane
Wow, these are all so different.
Amanda
This. This was really fucking good.
Shane
Yeah. A very smosh Christmas.
Angela
A very smosh Christmas. We hate carolers. It's snowing outside in Southern California.
Shane
Made it readable for me. It was awesome.
Chance
I'm glad that it started off, I.
Angela
Did the all caps, and then that made me laugh really hard. And then I was like, oh, let me put it into Comic Sans. And then I just started around.
Amanda
These fonts are so, like, comedy. Yeah, comedy fonts.
Angela
Oh, yeah. The one where it's a full rainbow is really fun, but powerful. I enjoyed that.
Amanda
Blew him launch.
Angela
The Christmas is Saved.
Shane
Oh.
Angela
At least according to Google Translate.
Chance
Okay.
Amanda
This is so freaking good.
Shane
How long did you guys spend on yours?
Angela
Oh, I probably wrote less than 30 minutes.
Shane
Oh, I think mine, like, I don't.
Angela
Know, within an hour.
Chance
Yeah, a couple. Couple hours.
Shane
Yeah.
Angela
Whoa.
Shane
No, but yours, yours. I'm glad we started with yours because it was like.
Amanda
It set the scene.
Angela
We got the quality out.
Chance
Yeah. And then we got.
Angela
Yeah, that's how writing works. You get the good stuff out, and then you get to write a bunch of bullshit.
Shane
And then you play with fonts. I love fonts.
Angela
Play with fonts. You have a good time. You paint.
Amanda
I also love having, like, a writing deadline. A writing deadline.
Chance
If there were inserted images on the screen, I almost.
Angela
I almost took a photo of a line and then had had it uploaded onto it.
Chance
Oh, yeah. I love that. Big fan of that.
Angela
I hope this got people into the Christmas spirit. I know it got me into the Christmas spirit.
Shane
This is like a fun. A fun way to, like, celebrate Christmas is like kind of like just do.
Chance
A little thing, even with your friends.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Like your family writing for each other is so fun.
Chance
Yeah.
Amanda
I love it.
Shane
We don't do it enough.
Amanda
You don't do it enough. It's so funny. I also have a question. Do you think anyone saw us leaving that Old tin trash can. That was in the Smosh studio in your sketch.
Chance
Yeah, I saw them. They were just here.
Shane
I imagine it like Chance opens the top and he's like. And he doesn't even fall in. It's just like.
Angela
It like eats you.
Amanda
Fun though. I love that. But then we never show up for set. We should do.
Chance
I like to think that it's like Narnia rules. So then when we go in, we come out right at the same time.
Angela
And it's been no time. No time is tasked. The tin can thing has me wondering. Did the kids come out of. Did the kids come out of Narnia? And they were like, yeah, I've had sex and killed people now like 100%.
Chance
I have to go back to being 12 ass adults. And they're kings and queens have sex in Narnia.
Angela
They live a whole life. Well, are they?
Shane
Well, no, but they don't have sex.
Chance
Okay, that's what we should write fanfics about. Wait, which movie about Narnia sex? What?
Amanda
Which movie was that one in?
Chance
Well, they in the order the first movie they lived.
Angela
They went from kids say they have their full adults at 50 year old people.
Chance
They're like that Narnia for 50 years.
Amanda
Okay.
Shane
But they don't have sex in it.
Angela
What are you saying that they were virgins for 50 years?
Shane
Some people are. And that's okay.
Angela
That's okay.
Amanda
That's okay. But not Narnia.
Angela
But they've definitely done adult. They at least were smoked a blunt in there.
Chance
I know Peter ain't no virgin. Looking. Looking the way he do out every day.
Angela
Oh, one of them at least had to have gotten laid in.
Amanda
Do you think that there were blunts and Narnia probably magical.
Angela
You think that satyr wasn't rolling.
Chance
I know Martha. Martha is getting laid in Whoville. That is bullshit.
Angela
Isn't is is the lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe a Christmas movie?
Shane
I think it's a snow movie.
Chance
Snow movie.
Angela
It's no.
Amanda
There's a difference between a winter solstice movie and a Christmas.
Shane
Maybe good fellas. Goodfellas takes place. There's a day in Christmas. It's not Christmas.
Amanda
Goodfellas is a Christmas movie. So it's different.
Shane
National Treasure. It's a Christmas at some point.
Chance
Iron Man 2 or Iron Man 3.
Shane
What are movies where they. There's like a Christmas moment.
Angela
Technically. Technically, I would argue It's a Wonderful Life. Like It's a Wonderful Life takes place over the course of a lot of time. And then it's Christmas at the end. And it's. It's kind of weird that that gets labeled as a Christmas movie when it's like the end is Christmas. I guess it's Christmas night that it takes, but like it follows his whole life.
Amanda
I want to hear your guys favorite Christmas movies. So put in the comments.
Angela
You guys, what is your favorite? What's everyone's favorite Christmas movie?
Shane
Mine is Ron Howard's Christmas.
Amanda
Can you style Christmas?
Angela
Home Alone.
Shane
Home Alone.
Amanda
Home Alone.
Shane
That's a good one.
Angela
It's gotta be Home Alone.
Chance
I know you don't like it, but the Polar Express.
Shane
I love the Polar Express.
Angela
I. I think I was that.
Amanda
I don't like the animation of it. It freaks me out. Yeah, I liked the book.
Shane
We were a little old.
Angela
I was obsessed with the book too.
Shane
Can I tell you the day I saw Polar Express? I don't know why. This memory is like seared into my brain. The day I got I saw Polar Express was the day I got my first Live Strong bracelet.
Angela
Wow.
Chance
Wow. Wait, I want to change my answer to Jingle all the Way.
Amanda
Jingle all the Way is such a.
Chance
Good 100%, I think.
Amanda
Livestrong. I definitely had one of those for sure.
Shane
What's your favorite Christmas movie?
Amanda
Mine is tricky. Here's the thing. I was just talking to my friends about this. I have a forced Christmas movie that I was forced to watch at my aunt's house that I hate. But like everyone loves A Christmas Story.
Chance
Oh, me too.
Amanda
Forced to watch it.
Chance
Yes, me too.
Amanda
And I can't stand it.
Shane
I hate that movie.
Amanda
I hate it so much and so many people love it, but I was forced to watch it.
Angela
I don't love that movie. I think it has really funny parts. But I feel like it's a movie that unless you were like, like the right age when it came out or like it hits your nostalgia right?
Amanda
It's like his tongue gets stuck to the pole. It's like fine. But I love Home Alone. Obviously. That's like a comfort movie. And it used to be love actually. But I haven't watched it.
Shane
Oh, that's a good one. That's beautiful.
Amanda
And I love Die Hard. I truly love that as a Christmas movie.
Chance
Oh, I forget.
Shane
It takes me.
Chance
No, it's not a Christmas.
Shane
Wait, hold on. This is a fun question. What's your guys's like favorite Christmas sketch? Because there's so many. There's sweaty balls this Christmas.
Angela
Oh, sweaty balls.
Shane
There's when they're all like, my boyfriend is Santa. Oh, I love that. Okay.
Chance
There's dick in a box is Christmas.
Shane
There's so many good things.
Chance
There's an SNL sketch where they are singers and you don't know what's going on most of the sketch. And it's revealed at the end of the sketch that these three singers are raccoons that made a wish to be human for one night. It's on snl, I think it's called Three Sisters or something. And most of the sketch, you don't know what's going on unless you've seen it before. Like, why are these women acting so weird? They're like, mm, yum, yum, trash. If we lose this bet, we'll eat trash. We get to eat trash. And the guy's like, you get to eat trash. You have no idea what's going on. You have to watch it.
Angela
Oh, my God. That type of shit is the best.
Chance
It is so bizarre.
Shane
I watched this every Christmas. Me and my brother watch it every year. And it's this old sketch with Will Frell. And he's on a turn style thing. Have you seen this? He's. There's a choir behind him, and he's like a. He's like a. Like a Christmas telethon guy. And he's. He's turning right. He's. He's stuck on one of those things and keeps turning. And he's going, merry Christmas. And he goes, I'm going to barf.
Amanda
This thing's going too.
Shane
And they have like a whole vomit thing.
Angela
Oh, my God.
Amanda
I need to see this asap.
Shane
My brother laugh so hard. I watch it every Christmas and I.
Angela
Think back on my favorite Christmas sketches because there are so many good ones. Sweaty balls is so good. That's such an.
Amanda
I love Dick in a box.
Shane
Oh, my God. When Alec Baldwin does Glengarry Glenn Ross, but as the elf.
Angela
Oh, yeah.
Shane
Brass balls. It's gonna take brass balls. And he's like. He does the full scene.
Chance
And I can't talk about this episode of Codename Kids in Next Door enough where it's a parody of X Men combined with Christmas.
Shane
Yeah, everyone's talking about Red One.
Chance
Like Johnny. Because it looks psycho crazy.
Shane
What is the plot?
Amanda
It doesn't look good.
Chance
It looks awful.
Shane
Like, what is the. Like, it's supposed to be insane, right? The plot is supposed to be like.
Amanda
I don't know.
Angela
The polar bears are. I'll end this on a pretty controversial take that I have.
Amanda
Great.
Chance
Hey, let's ride.
Angela
So there's been some good animated Christmas movies in the past. And when Did. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe. Okay, so when did Jim Carrey's Grinch come out?
Chance
2006.
Shane
2000.
Amanda
Yeah, around that time.
Angela
2000. Okay. Okay, so my, my point stands. I think Elf was the last, like legendary Christmas movie, live action Christmas movie that came out. There's been some good animated ones, but they're not like. I'm talking ones that are like impactful, that become part of Christmas.
Shane
You don't get them every year.
Angela
And it's tough because it's just like, like it's. Movies aren't the same as they used to be. But I feel like Elf was the last one that's like, that one's awesome and it's fully a Christmas movie.
Chance
I can't even think of.
Angela
I mean, look, maybe I'm wrong. And if I'm wrong, put them down in the comments because I want to watch them.
Shane
You know, people say Christmas movie, I.
Angela
Want to watch them.
Shane
It's Carol the lesbian drama with.
Amanda
Do you know what's so weird is I talked to my friend about that movie this morning and I haven't mentioned that movie since I saw it years ago this morning.
Shane
Our call time was 8:00am Yeah, I sent her. Phone call.
Amanda
No, I sent her. I sent her a Marco.
Angela
She went and had brunch at six.
Amanda
No, no, no, no, no. There's this thing called Marco Polo where you can send people on the East Coast a thing and then they can watch it anytime they want. Okay. It's like a Marco Polo. It's. I've been using it forever.
Chance
Oh my God.
Shane
But I think you're right. I don't think classic, but I was.
Amanda
Literally talking about Carol this morning.
Shane
That's so weird. That's a Christmas movie too. I'm trying to think that's like a classic one with.
Chance
This is. I really enjoyed the one that came out last year that was like the Die Hard meets. Oh, Die Hard meets Home Alone Chris. Santa.
Angela
Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. You're talking about the. The guy from Stranger Things.
Chance
Yes.
Angela
And he was Santa and he beats up a bunch of people and I really.
Shane
Oh, bad Santa. Not bad Santa.
Chance
Violent night. I really enjoyed it.
Angela
It's really good.
Chance
But it's.
Angela
It's not like. It's not of the caliber. I'm talking like a Christmas movie that's like a feel good family Christmas.
Amanda
These, these action heroes either go John Wick route or freaking crazy Christmas route.
Shane
Red one is supposed to be insane. It's like a rescue mission or something that's not that.
Angela
That doesn't.
Shane
I know. You need like a.
Amanda
What?
Shane
We need like a. Like a classic.
Angela
I'm talking classic, like, feel good. Like, oh, this big.
Amanda
Remember Jack Cross El.
Chance
Yeah, we were just.
Amanda
We went on that movie is.
Shane
Yeah, we went on. Yes. There's a big. And we went off on this movie in this. I wonder if they'll cut it. But like, we went off about that movie for like so long.
Amanda
It's so. It's.
Shane
It's.
Amanda
I thought it was so good growing up, but I watched it back. I was like, what?
Chance
You know this snowman. The snowman was supposed to be George Clooney originally.
Shane
We found that out.
Angela
Whoa.
Amanda
Yeah. They tried to make this snowman like hot rocker with like a freaking.
Chance
Yeah. Goatee.
Shane
And then the snowman melts away in the. And the sun learns about Greece.
Amanda
Yeah. It was so effing sad.
Shane
So sad.
Amanda
Anyways, Jack Frost, check it out this year.
Angela
All right, well, let us know in the comments if you think a movie after 2003. 2004 has been a legendary family Christmas movie. I feel like there hasn't been. Let us know what you think of our stories. What should the title of Angela's story be?
Shane
That's fun.
Angela
That's a good prompt.
Chance
Tin Can Christmas.
Angela
A tin can.
Amanda
Tin Can Christmas or Guess who's Coming.
Angela
Let us know in the comments.
Shane
That's awesome.
Angela
And we will see you later. Have a happy holidays.
Chance
Bye.
Shane
Eight Crazy Nights is a crazy one.
Chance
What's Eight Crazy Nights?
Angela
That's anime. I was saying.
Shane
Oh, you're right.
Angela
I was saying a non animated by.
Smosh Mouth Podcast Episode #74 - "Writing Our Own Fanfiction" Summary
Release Date: December 23, 2024
Hosts: Shayne Topp (Short), Amanda Lehan-Canto (Tall), and rotating Smosh friends.
The episode kicks off with a brief advertisement for Google Gemini, which Shayne humorously notes was read by the AI assistant itself (00:15). Quickly transitioning into the main content, Shayne welcomes listeners to another festive edition of Smosh Mouth, highlighting the holiday season's significance.
Notable Quote:
Shayne: "It's the best time of the year." (01:19)
The hosts delve into a discussion comparing their favorite holidays—Christmas and Halloween. Amanda expresses her love for both but leans towards Christmas, while Angela notes the hustle and bustle of the year's latter half often overshadows its enjoyment.
Notable Quotes:
Amanda: "I like Halloween so much though. But I love Christmas." (01:33)
Angela: "I love all the vibes of it. I like Christmas movies. I like Christmas music." (01:46)
Shayne shares a personal anecdote about walking into a mall early in the morning adorned with Christmas decorations, emphasizing how the year's end triggers an immediate shift into holiday mode.
To immerse themselves further into the Christmas spirit, the hosts embark on a creative challenge: writing their own Christmas-themed fanfiction. Angela introduces the task, prompting each host to craft their unique, often humorous, narratives involving the group.
Notable Quote:
Angela: "We all wrote the worst possible Christmas stories, Christmas fanfictions." (04:30)
Shayne admits his initial confusion about fanfiction but embraces the opportunity to imagine his "dream Christmas at Smosh."
The bulk of the episode features the hosts reading their fanfiction pieces. Amanda presents a smutty Christmas poem filled with pop culture references and playful innuendos, which garners laughter and amusement from the group.
Notable Excerpts:
Shayne and Angela follow with their stories, each bringing their unique comedic flair. Angela crafts a drama titled "A Very Smosh Christmas," while Shayne's narrative involves whimsical adventures in a Christmas-themed Whoville.
Notable Quotes:
Amanda: "This smutty poem to get us really in the Christmas spirit?" (05:58)
Shayne: "I think we have to unpack that." (27:40)
The reading sessions are interspersed with playful banter, critiques, and appreciation for each other's creative efforts, highlighting the camaraderie among the hosts.
Transitioning from writing, the conversation shifts to favorite Christmas movies. The hosts share their preferences, debating classics like "Home Alone," "The Grinch," and unconventional choices such as "Die Hard" as Christmas films.
Notable Quotes:
Shayne: "Mine is Ron Howard's Christmas." (54:08)
Angela: "Home Alone." (54:11)
Amanda expresses her disdain for "A Christmas Story," despite its popularity, while Chance champions "Jingle All the Way." The discussion dives into what makes a movie quintessentially Christmas, exploring themes of nostalgia, warmth, and family.
Notable Insights:
Throughout the episode, the hosts reflect on their creative processes, sharing how writing fanfiction and engaging in festive activities help them bond and enhance their content.
Notable Quotes:
Shayne: "I feel like people should write fanfiction for each other all the time." (31:02)
Amanda: "It's so funny. I also have a question. Do you think anyone saw us leaving that Old tin trash can?" (51:43)
They emphasize the joy and fun derived from collaborative creativity, encouraging listeners to embrace similar activities with friends and family during the holiday season.
As the episode wraps up, the hosts recap their fanfiction endeavors and movie discussions, urging listeners to share their favorite Christmas movies and fan creations. They conclude with heartfelt holiday wishes, emphasizing the importance of imagination and camaraderie.
Notable Quote:
Shayne: "Have a happy holidays." (61:08)
Episode #74 of Smosh Mouth offers a blend of holiday cheer, creative expression, and the signature Smosh humor. From crafting amusing fanfictions to debating Christmas movie classics, the hosts create an engaging and festive atmosphere, making it a delightful listen for both regular fans and newcomers alike.
Engagement Prompt:
Amanda encourages listeners to participate by sharing their favorite Christmas movies and suggestions for future fanfiction titles in the comments, fostering a sense of community and interaction.
Thank you for reading this summary of Smosh Mouth Episode #74 - "Writing Our Own Fanfiction." Whether you're a die-hard fan or new to the series, we hope this captures the essence and fun of the episode!