#77 - Reading Our Teenage Journals Again

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth Episode #77 – "Reading Our Teenage Journals Again"

Release Date: January 20, 2025

In episode #77 of Smosh Mouth, hosts Shayne Topp and Amanda Lehan-Canto delve into a nostalgic and introspective discussion titled "Reading Our Teenage Journals Again." This episode seamlessly blends personal anecdotes about recent challenges, such as the devastating LA fires, with a heartfelt exploration of their past through journal entries. The conversation is enriched by the presence of their guest, Selena, who brings a fresh perspective on journaling.

---

1. Navigating the Devastation: LA Fires Impact

The episode opens with Shane and Amanda addressing the recent wildfires ravaging Los Angeles. They share their personal experiences, highlighting the unpredictability and emotional toll of such natural disasters.

• Shayne (00:34): "This is our first time recording since the fires here in LA, which have been, I mean, there's a bunch of adjectives."

• Amanda (01:00): "Devastating, heartbreaking. The fires have been like going throughout LA, LA County, Palisades, it's been Altadena, Pasadena. It's been wild."

They discuss the widespread destruction, the unexpected nature of the fires, and the sense of community that emerged as residents rallied together to support each other.

• Shayne (03:35): "With these fires, we know at least one to two people have lost their homes."

• Amanda (03:51): "The people of LA have really, really come together. Unbelievably so. Like, the donation centers, Smosh did an amazing job. People are coming together."

The conversation underscores the resilience of the LA community and contrasts the often superficial portrayal of the city with the genuine solidarity observed during crises.

---

2. The Power of Journaling: Reflecting on the Past

Transitioning from the immediacy of the fires, Shane and Amanda introduce the theme of journaling. They share their own experiences with maintaining journals throughout their lives, offering a window into their personal growth and reflections.

• Shayne (17:32): "I brought three things here. This is my first ever journal. I was 15 when I got this... It took me a couple of years to finish. This is the second journal I got when I was 19."

• Amanda (17:37): "I have had a journal since I was a little girl. It's 101 Dalmatian with a lock and key on it. I've kept a journal my whole life. Constantly. I always finish it."

They discuss the challenges of consistent journaling, such as maintaining daily entries and overcoming periods of neglect. Shane expresses his frustration with gaps in his journals, while Amanda highlights the therapeutic aspects of writing.

• Shayne (19:20): "My journals are me trying to sound smart or cool. I have to catch up with fluctuates too."

• Amanda (20:24): "There are some journals that I'm like, where did I fall off on this one? I just don't have much."

---

3. Journaling as a Coping Mechanism During Crisis

Shayne and Amanda connect their journaling habits to coping with the stress of the LA fires, emphasizing how writing serves as a means to process emotions and maintain mental well-being.

• Shayne (10:08): "We're here to make people laugh. We're here to help you relax, chill, vibe out... we're going to do that when we're in the middle of a crazy world."

• Amanda (07:26): "We're just going to read some journals. Very good segue."

They reflect on how journaling provides a sense of normalcy and continuity amidst chaos, allowing them to anchor themselves during tumultuous times.

---

4. Reading and Analyzing Teenage Journal Entries

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Shane and Amanda reading their teenage journal entries from 2003. These readings offer candid glimpses into their adolescence, capturing dreams, insecurities, and the quintessential experiences of growing up.

Amanda's Entry (26:02): "Friday. You remember being obsessed with Friday. My B day was wicked fun... I hooked up with Doug just because I wanted to."

Shayne's Entry (29:36): "September 17th. I auditioned for a show called iCarly a while back... I knew something big is on the way though."

These entries reveal their youthful perspectives, including aspirations in acting, relationship dynamics, and personal reflections.

• Shayne (32:56): "September 24th. I walked into the set and met up with the teacher... celebrities are normal human beings."

• Amanda (26:02): "Healer, who's a mimic... that's who I was."

Through these readings, both hosts acknowledge the growth they've undergone since their teenage years, contemplating how their past selves dealt with pressures and expectations.

---

5. Guest Segment: Selena's Journaling Insights

Introducing their guest, Selena, the hosts showcase her meticulously kept journals, admired for their beautiful handwriting and organized layouts. Selena shares excerpts from her journals, highlighting her structured approach compared to Shane and Amanda's more free-form styles.

• Selena (56:35): "I titled it Selena's First Date from a Dating App... It was my first ever date from Tinder."

Her entries provide detailed narratives of personal experiences, such as her first date, revealing vulnerability and emotional depth.

• Selena (61:25): "July 14, 2017... I found him as soon as he got off the bus. We held hands for the whole meal... incredibly smitten."

Shayne and Amanda commend Selena's journaling technique, recognizing the balance between aesthetic presentation and emotional honesty.

• Shayne (65:11): "If my handwriting looked like this, I'd be journaling all the time."

• Amanda (65:35): "Your journal game is crazy."

Selena's participation enriches the discussion, illustrating diverse journaling methods and their respective benefits.

---

6. The Therapeutic Benefits of Journaling

Concluding the episode, Shane and Amanda emphasize the mental health benefits of journaling. They advocate for its role in self-reflection, emotional regulation, and personal growth.

• Amanda (63:36): "A journal is so healthy... if you lower your expectations for it, make it small."

• Shayne (64:22): "Reading back on your journals is part of what's healthy about it."

They encourage listeners to adopt journaling practices, regardless of the format, highlighting its accessibility and adaptability to individual needs.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Shayne (10:08): "We're here to make people laugh. We're here to help you relax, chill, vibe out..."

• Amanda (26:02): "Friday. You remember being obsessed with Friday. My B day was wicked fun..."

• Shayne (32:56): "September 24th. I walked into the set and met up with the teacher... celebrities are normal human beings."

• Selena (56:35): "I titled it Selena's First Date from a Dating App... It was my first ever date from Tinder."

• Shayne (65:11): "If my handwriting looked like this, I'd be journaling all the time."

---

Conclusion

Episode #77 of Smosh Mouth offers an intimate look into Shane and Amanda's personal lives, using journaling as a lens to explore their growth and resilience in the face of adversity. The addition of Selena's eloquent journaling style provides a contrasting perspective, enriching the conversation. This episode underscores the importance of self-reflection and creative expression as tools for navigating life's challenges.

Listeners are left with an inspiring message: regardless of one's journaling style, the act of writing serves as a powerful medium for understanding oneself and fostering personal development.

---

Note: Timestamps referenced correspond to the provided transcript and may differ slightly from the actual podcast audio.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Shane]

No purchase necessary vgw group void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply. Hello, welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane.

[Amanda]

And I'm Amanda. How are you guys? It is 20, 25.

[Shane]

That's right. Yeah, it is. We're recording this on the 14th. This is our first podcast we're recording. This is our first day of filming anything this year. We were gonna film last week and it's our first time recording since the fires here in la, which have been, I mean, there's a bunch of adjectives.

[Amanda]

Devastating, heartbreaking. The fires have been like going throughout LA, LA County, Palisades, it's been Altadena, Pasadena. It's been wild. What's amazing to me is that you forget that the news connects everybody. So everyone's reaching out to you, checking in.

[Shane]

Right.

[Amanda]

And you're like, I'm figuring this out as we go.

[Shane]

Yeah. Kind of deal. I didn't understand the like as it was happening Tuesday night, which Tuesday was just weird because the winds I've never experienced and I've lived out here for a long time and those were freakish winds. And then you add fire to it. You didn't really understand the scope of it until you saw like overhead footage of the devastation. I mean, I still don't know if I fully. I'm gonna fully grasp it until I drive past parts of that are just gone.

[Amanda]

Like Malibu and. But I feel like with these fires, we. We know at least one to two people have lost their homes during these fires.

[Shane]

I don't know anyone who doesn't know someone. Like everyone knows someone who lost on.

[Amanda]

And that I've never been evacuated or had a warning my entire time living in la.

[Shane]

It's not normal. No, I've never had. I've never even had the thought in the 20 years I've lived out here. I've never had the thought of, oh, I maybe will have to go.

[Amanda]

Right.

[Shane]

It was definitely a weird. It's very lucky that I didn't have to evacuate same. The fear was there and it's that very existential moment of like, let's pack up what we're going to take.

[Amanda]

Pack up.

[Shane]

And you, you have this moment. You have this moment where you're like, I have maybe anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour to like, if it's bad.

[Amanda]

Right.

[Shane]

To figure out what is most important.

[Amanda]

To me and what. And what do you bring? You know, like, I mean, I was just thinking clothes, but then of course, you know, your passport documents. That.

[Shane]

Because there's the practical. There's the practical side, right. Of like, what do I need so that I can like, function.

[Amanda]

Right.

[Shane]

And then it's also the sentimental stuff of like, what is the most important emotional pieces in my. And that's that you up even thinking about it.

[Amanda]

Yeah. I was, I was reading that a lot of people in the Palisades, their biggest thing were mementos, like baby albums, photo albums and everything else they had to leave behind.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

The thing I will say there's a silver lining a little bit to this is that the people of LA have really, really come together. Unbelievably so. Like, the donation centers, Smosh did an amazing job. Like, people are coming together.

[Shane]

I was hearing that a lot of sites were full up on volunteers. Like, people were coming, trying to volunteer, and they're like, we have too many volunteers, which is unbelievable.

[Amanda]

And like, there's you. There's not really anything good that you can say about the fires at all. But what you can look at is be like, holy shit. The place that I live. They're so connected and so community oriented.

[Shane]

Yeah. And it's. I. I think for people who don't live in la, it's a. It's a place that gets heavily stereotyped because there's a lot of reality TV stuff that's like, this is what LA is. LA is so big. It's a collection of a bunch of different types of communities. And it. There's a lot of people going, oh, it's just a bunch of rich celebrities who lost their homes. And especially like when you talk like Altadena, I mean, it's not at all. And there's tons of tons of apartment complexes, tons of just small businesses. I mean, this was, this was so big. I mean, it was. It was just devastating. It's. It's wild, but it's. I agree with you. It has been, um. And this is historically true, that in the face of devastation, people tend to, like, communities come together. It shows how good a lot of people are.

[Amanda]

Yep.

[Shane]

Plenty of bad people in the world. We hear about that all the time, but there's definitely so many incredible people out there.

[Amanda]

Yeah. And it's still. You know, it's still going on right now.

[Shane]

Like, as we are doing this.

[Amanda]

As we are doing this, there are still people, you know, who aren't allowed to drink their water. There's still people who are just reeling from their homes. And the fire has. The wind has kind of kicked up again. But as of right now, a lot of areas where the air quality was so bad has gotten a lot better. Cause we're all back.

[Shane]

Yeah. And I mean, the firefighters, man, all those footage of those planes and helicopters dropping stuff, it is so insane.

[Amanda]

People are kind of getting. There was one Instagram account that was like, we will only be posting helicopter drops from now on, because some of them were unbelievable.

[Shane]

They are. It looks awesome when they're dropping that stuff, when they're dropping the red stuff all over the place. It looks so cool. They've done a. I think they've done an incredible job.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I don't understand. I have moments where I. I talk as if I understand what's going on, where I'm, like, looking at the apps. I'm like, yeah, so they've got it 35% contained. So that probably means this area. I'm like, I. After a second, I'm like, I actually have no idea what any of everyone's.

[Amanda]

Like, that they downloaded watch.

[Shane]

Everybody became like, a weather reporter 100% overnight.

[Amanda]

They're like, so the winds are traveling east, and it's actually 1% contained. Which means.

[Shane]

And you're like, it's really funny. And I do it, too, where everybody, like, gets locked in, and they become an expert 100% a little bit.

[Amanda]

And they call people, like, hey, how's it going? Where are you at? Like, what's going on with you? It's like everyone's kind of. They. I don't know why. And maybe this is bad, but it's easy for us to go into emergency mode, I think, because we've experienced Covid and other things, but we're like, what's going on?

[Shane]

No, we were. Me and so many people were calling each other, being like, what's it looking like over there? Yeah. So from me here, I can definitely see the fires. It's like, it was. It was interesting.

[Amanda]

It's how we cope. I mean, really, it's like we have to be involved somehow.

[Shane]

Yeah. No, there was a couple nights where everyone was just terrified, no matter how far away you were from it, because new fires were Starting up everywhere.

[Amanda]

You remember the mistake alert that came out?

[Shane]

Yeah, there was a couple. There was the one that happened during the day, and then there was one at 4am yeah.

[Amanda]

So those are. What are. What's the term for those? The, like, just alerts on your phone.

[Shane]

It's. Yeah, because that's an alert we've never had before.

[Amanda]

So it's almost like amber alert when you get in an amber alert.

[Shane]

Right. But it's. It's for fires.

[Amanda]

But someone clicked all of L. A.

[Shane]

They were saying, it's a system, so it's not like a person was responsible for it. I definitely was imagining someone, some guy somewhere in some office be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Amanda]

And then they were like.

[Shane]

And then they. Another alert. Literally saying, my bad.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

They sent another alert, like, 10 minutes later being like, I'm so sorry. Oh.

[Amanda]

He, like, typed it out. He's like, my bad. Ooh. A woman opens the door. She's like, richard, did you just hit that? He's like, no, no.

[Shane]

And it was after we got the alert that was like, my bad. I definitely turned to. Courtney, was like, it'll unfortunately be a little funny if we get another alert that's like, okay, but this one's now serious.

[Amanda]

But it wasn't.

[Shane]

We didn't get. I didn't get any.

[Amanda]

And the alert was really bad. It was saying all of L. A County had to evacuate.

[Shane]

I know. I know. Which is. Which is 10 million people by the. That would have been my bad. In a mass migration that we've never seen before.

[Amanda]

It was. But. But I feel like people were kind of like, wait a second.

[Shane]

No, people were. People were skeptical. I. I definitely was like. I looked at the app. I was like.

[Amanda]

And I looked at the app.

[Shane]

I also looked outside. I'd be like, I'm not seeing anything. I know. I can't really judge based on that, but.

[Amanda]

Yeah, you can't, because when I looked outside, my. The air above my apartment building was black.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

So it's like, huh.

[Shane]

No, it looked. It looked like hell.

[Amanda]

We left because the air quality was so bad, and we got a couple warnings, but we left. And then people were like, you know, they were just like, you never know. You never know.

[Shane]

And I'm like, yeah, no, I definitely stayed inside for the most part. There was a day where I had to run an errand, and I. It wasn't too bad in my area, and I was wearing a mask, but I definitely felt it. I. By the time I got home, I was like, oh, my head hurts a little bit.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like this.

[Amanda]

Headaches.

[Shane]

And I'm like, this is just smoke. This is like building smoke. Immediate headaches and stuff. It's awful. And it's certainly, you know, it's certainly a little weird. I knew we were like, okay, but we're gonna have to go back and do what we do.

[Amanda]

Yep.

[Shane]

And I'm like, okay. But the way I kind of saw it was, you know, we are here to make people laugh. We're here to help you relax, chill vibe out. And we've probably been. There's so many of our listeners who have probably lived through so much worse catastrophes, and we've been there to make them laugh during that. So I'm like, we're going to do that when we're in the middle of a crazy world.

[Amanda]

And now we are.

[Shane]

Yeah, we're very fortunate. Everyone. I mean, I think everyone here at Smosh was very lucky, which, you know, it was a roll of the dice for pretty much everyone in la. Yep. So with that, we're going to get into what we can.

[Amanda]

So with that, we're going to get into. We're going to add a little bit of normalcy back to what's going on. We're going to get into something a little fun.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Which I think is very good. Even in times like this, which is channeling.

[Shane]

I mean, honestly, I. I almost understood, like, it kind of almost put in perspective what we do a little bit. Because, like, during some of those nights, you are kind of like, oh, I just want to listen to something chill.

[Amanda]

Yes. See, I'm the opposite. During those nights, I want to watch, like, crime occur on documentaries.

[Shane]

These fires are really bad. I should watch someone get murdered.

[Amanda]

I want to watch, like, assassins.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Like, I binged all.

[Shane]

What?

[Amanda]

No, I know. I know it's wrong. I binged all of the day at the Day of the Jackal, which someone told me to watch. I don't know if you've seen it. Eddie Redmayne, he's an assassin and he's a mimic. It's pretty cool.

[Shane]

Is this where. Okay, I saw this clip where he's, like, tying a rope to a rifle and a tree and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw that clip on the Internet for somebody show that clip. I don't know. That's because it's a small. Because it's a. It's a. It's a remake of another movie. And so they're showing how the old movie had the exact jackal. It's yeah, just. They were showing that.

[Amanda]

Well, anyways.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

I binge that. Excellent. And then I read a book about a female assassin.

[Shane]

What's that book called? You forgot the name.

[Amanda]

I just started. Doesn't matter. I can't think of it.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Shane]

We'll think about it.

[Amanda]

It's been a. So how did I forget? Whatever.

[Shane]

Speaking of books.

[Amanda]

Come up in 10 minutes.

[Shane]

Speaking of books. That's what I was doing because it was so weird. You're at home. There's. You can't. Can't go outside. It's just weird. You're just like this. Everything's tense. I have read so many books this year. I'm on. I'm on a roll. No, but I'm on a roll. Unlike last year. So I have a goal this year. I have a goal this year. A lot of you have reading goals. Book talk goes hard, though. Which TikTok. I don't know if it's still around as of this episode being aired, but.

[Amanda]

Crazy.

[Shane]

A lot of people do, like, 100 books a year, and I've never done that. My goal is 50 books.

[Amanda]

Do they ever talk to people or I.

[Shane]

Some people read fast. I'm trying to read 50 books this week.

[Amanda]

Whoa, slow down, captain.

[Shane]

But get this. We're recording this on the 14th. I've already read five books. I'm on a roll.

[Amanda]

Riddle me this. How did you read five books in 14 days?

[Shane]

I've just been reading so much.

[Amanda]

How did you read five books in 15 days?

[Shane]

I've just been reading a lot.

[Amanda]

I don't believe that's just.

[Shane]

I. I also have been.

[Amanda]

Receipts.

[Shane]

I've. For some reason, I've been waking up at, like, 5am lately.

[Amanda]

I love. I do love that.

[Shane]

I can't. I don't know why. I wake up at 5am Time to go to bed. 10 to 11.

[Amanda]

Are you wild? That's barely enough sleep.

[Shane]

No, it's talking about 10. 10 to 5 is 7 hours.

[Amanda]

What? Well, as a female, we need 8 plus. And everyone knows this, so it's crazy that you're doing that. Good for you.

[Shane]

Okay, so I wake up at five, and then I'm like, okay, I'll read for like, an hour or two, depending on, like.

[Amanda]

And no one's awake.

[Shane]

And I'm just chilling there with, like. I got, like, a lamp that's got a very, like, kind of dim light on it. So I chill. It's still dark. I'm like, I'm gonna read a book. My cat'll, like, kind of chill there with Me Like a Christmas Carol. So I've been just. I've just been on fire and yeah, I've read a bunch of books. There's. They're friggin.

[Amanda]

What are the books that you've read?

[Shane]

Okay, so I read the Buried Giant by Ishiguro is his last name. He wrote Never Let Me Go and Nice. Which is awesome. And another book I love called Claire and the Sun. This was like a very like King Arthur's court type of tale.

[Amanda]

Love.

[Shane]

Very interesting. I read a book called James by Percival Everett, which might be. Might be my favorite so far.

[Amanda]

It's James.

[Shane]

It's called James. It's a retelling of Huckleberry Finn from Jim's perspective.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Shane]

It is. It is hilarious.

[Amanda]

Oh, it's a comedy book.

[Shane]

It's a dark comedy because. Cause like, so Mark Twain, the way he wrote Jim is like very 1800s how a white guy would write, you know, and. But in this they reveal that he is actually him and every other slave is code switching for white people. And that in secret, he's like a genius who's reading tons of books and is like super well spoken, but he can't do that in front of white people.

[Amanda]

Whoa.

[Shane]

It is awesome. And it is so funny.

[Amanda]

How many pages are these books?

[Shane]

Those are both around 300. I read another book called the Sword of Kaigen, which is a very big book on booktok. Interesting fantasy book. I don't know how to describe that one.

[Amanda]

Great.

[Shane]

It's got a lot of elements of different types of things. And then I read a book called Nettle and Bone by T. Kingfisher. That book was awesome. That's very like fairy tale type of book. And then I'm reading.

[Amanda]

Are you a library card member?

[Shane]

I just.

[Amanda]

I'm just going, man, are you just Amazon ing these?

[Shane]

I like to go to bookstores and buy these books. And then I. And then I like to give books away I like or I'll drop them off at like someplace. And now I'm reading the Poppy War by RF Kuang, who's one of my favorite authors.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Shane]

Yeah, dude, I'm on. I'm on a roll.

[Amanda]

A cool level just shot to the roof. Like, you're unbelievable. I'm over here. Just what do I do?

[Shane]

It's kind of all I've been interested in doing though. Like, I don't. I think.

[Amanda]

Do you read at night?

[Shane]

I kind of. If I get hooked on a book, I'm reading it whenever I can. But otherwise. Otherwise morning and night, yeah.

[Amanda]

You're a good person to vacation with.

[Shane]

Oh, dude. Yeah, I'm chill on vacation. I'm just chilling.

[Amanda]

Dude, do you talk to anybody when you.

[Shane]

No, I say, don't talk to me. Don't look at me, don't talk to me.

[Amanda]

Maybe I'd take that back. Maybe not the best person to vacation. No, I'm just kidding. I love people that, like, bring their own entertainment when they vacation, you know?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

People are sitting there and they're like, so what do we do today?

[Shane]

I actually. I actually rarely read a book on vacation. I'll bring a book and I just end up not reading it.

[Amanda]

Why?

[Shane]

I. I think I end up just doing stuff or talking to people. I. I do end up talking to people, so I don't. That's good too. I don't end up reading.

[Amanda]

But if you're on a beach vacation, you would maybe.

[Shane]

But I maybe would rather just go in the water or walk around.

[Amanda]

Gonna swim in the water for hours or just time.

[Shane]

Or sleep. Like, you know, I'm just like, experiencing. I'm taking it in.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Whereas when I'm home, I'm like, there with a book.

[Amanda]

It's nice. Yeah. Wow.

[Shane]

Well, speaking of books and speaking of also going back, something that I did grab and put in my bag and the possibility of evacuation was my journal. Journals. We're here to read some journals.

[Amanda]

Very good segue.

[Shane]

Thank you.

[Amanda]

That was ex. I even. I was done.

[Shane]

I probably could have segued better. Better by just being like. And now journals and something else I have in my back that is also a thing.

[Amanda]

Journals.

[Shane]

Something else that also exists in the world. My journals.

[Amanda]

No, but real talk. I have had a journal since I was a little girl. It was 101 Dalmatian with a lock and key on it. No one could see it. Duh. But I've kept a journal my whole life. Constantly. I constantly have a journal going and I always finish it. So I just got a brand new journal and I cracked it open yesterday.

[Shane]

How long did it take you to finish your last journal?

[Amanda]

It was a really big one, so I would say a little less than a year.

[Shane]

Damn.

[Amanda]

Usually. Usually my journals are per year.

[Shane]

Okay. So can I show you something?

[Amanda]

Show me something.

[Shane]

I showed this last year. So I have. I brought three things here. Whoa.

[Amanda]

That bottom journal looks like it's from Lord of the Rings.

[Shane]

I read this. I read some of this last time.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Shane]

This was my first ever journal. It's very. The pages are very like.

[Amanda]

How old were you?

[Shane]

I was 15 when I got this.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

And as you can tell by, like, the COVID and everything, I really wanted to be deep.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I can see that.

[Shane]

And I read some of the passages where I'm like, here's what I think about the universe.

[Amanda]

I remember this. It's almost like you wrote a journal knowing that someone was going to read it.

[Shane]

That's my. My issue with a lot of my journals. Now. This took me a couple years to finish, and it's not dense. This journal is the second journal I got. I got this when I was, like, 19. And as of right now, I am, like, five pages left. And so I am actively trying to journal every day and finally finish this. But this is the first journal I got as an adult. So I've only had one journal for the past 15 years.

[Amanda]

It's just. Lucky you.

[Shane]

Well, this is also. This is the thing that sucks about this journal, and I hate this journal.

[Amanda]

You can't open it fully. It keeps closing on you while you're trying to write.

[Shane]

No, no, no. I mean. I mean about my entries and how it's been written.

[Amanda]

Oh, you judge your entries.

[Shane]

Is that. I do. Is that oftentimes when interesting things are happening in my life, I don't journal. I forget, get around to it, and there are just massive gaps in here. There's years where I didn't write in this. That's why it's taken so long. And so it's missing a lot of, like, the biggest moments of my life. And so many journal entries are like, oh, man, I haven't written in this in forever. And I'm like. And so I'm constantly playing a game of keep up. And that's made it hard to, like, get to a place where I'm talking about my day, because I kind of always feel like, well, I need to kind of catch up with fluctuates, too. There are definitely pages where I read it, and I go, oh, this was me doing, like, an affirmation post. Like, it's all over the place. It's not, like, consistent.

[Amanda]

No, I get that.

[Shane]

And it's frustrating. And so I kind of am excited to get done with it and start a new one and be like, this is what I'm gonna do. This. This is the way I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna stick to it, you know, relatively.

[Amanda]

I do get that, actually. There are some journals that I'm like, where did I. Where did I fall off on this one? I started a new thing as of last year. So you're gonna roll your eyes at this. But one of my favorite astrologers, Channing Nicholas. She's amazing.

[Shane]

Channing Tatum.

[Amanda]

One of my favorite astrologers, Channing Tatum. He actually started astrology and step up. It was really cool.

[Shane]

Astrologer Magic Mike.

[Amanda]

Magic Mike, Yeah. He was reading people's astrology while he was stripping on them. No.

[Shane]

So some people that. That's probably a real person out there.

[Amanda]

She's. She's amazing. I've been following her for years and years and years. She made her own. It's like a journal calendar hybrid. So it's a thick book. It has your astrology chart in it. But every day has like a, A, a long space with like not many journal prompts. I don't like journals that have a lot of prompts.

[Shane]

Uh huh.

[Amanda]

But it'll, it'll like tell you about the moon and stuff like that. But it'll be like daily and it makes me write daily. And get this, it's not many, many, many pages. So I just like write in the thing. And it is so nice because I'm actually kind of writing almost every day.

[Shane]

I'm thinking about getting something like that. I would give you prompts. I think I need that.

[Amanda]

I think some people have prompts for me. Prompts take up the free space. But I love something that holds me accountable. And it's not like an endless book that you're opening and you're like, dear diary, because I'm the same as you. Like my brain goes faster than my hand so I end up writing like scribble cursive.

[Shane]

Yeah. I was telling you before we started recording that I have far more written on computers. I have hundreds of pages of just free writing because there I can just go. And I'm just going wild.

[Amanda]

You're a computer journalist.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's. And I don't love that. I love handwritten stuff. I love the like look of journals and everything. But I. My hand posture is horrible. And handwriting, I'm just very slow. My handwriting sucks. I hate looking at it afterwards.

[Amanda]

Oh, shame.

[Shane]

I can't help but judge it so hard.

[Amanda]

Don't. Here's the thing. You don't look back at your writing.

[Shane]

I had to for this.

[Amanda]

Oh yeah. So did I for sure.

[Shane]

So we're gonna read a bunch of these.

[Amanda]

Mine, I will say I have so many journals, but they're all in storage. So mine are from similar entries that we read the last time, but they're different pages.

[Shane]

Great, that's fine.

[Amanda]

And they are drama.

[Shane]

But how many journals do you have in Storage. Oh, so, you know, dozens.

[Amanda]

Dozens. So there's like this plastic, you know the big plastic bin.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

There's one filled.

[Shane]

Oh, my God, that's so cool.

[Amanda]

And then I have a full drawer of journals. Yeah.

[Shane]

I, I, I always think about journals forever. I always think about how valuable that could be like, 100 years from now. Not even like a family descendant, just anyone just being like, oh, my God. Like a bunch of journals from, like, how if I went to a bookstore and I found this old leather book and they're like, yeah, this is a journal from someone in the 1800s.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Who's on a ship.

[Shane]

I'm taking this.

[Amanda]

Yeah. I would read it immediately.

[Shane]

Reading anything from that time.

[Amanda]

That's so, so this is like, such a random thing, but when I went to Ireland on vacation, we went to the Titanic Museum in Belfast, because that's where the Titanic was built. And they showed us people's journal entries and, like, writing and writing on the ship. What do you know? No, too soon.

[Shane]

Just. Just one journal entry. Just like, oh, oh, well.

[Amanda]

Well, here's, here's the thing that's funny.

[Shane]

So good about this, because is there liturgy?

[Amanda]

They had actual recordings of people because that's how they didn't hear the iceberg warning, because rich people were sending out telegrams. And there are actual voices of rich people being like, we have to get the children out. We're not doing well. And then another, the Titanic to the Californian tells them to shut up. They're like, shut up. Stop sending us ice warnings. Like, we need to get, like, stop sending us these warnings. Like, you're clogging up our system. But the California was sending them ice warnings. It says, shut up. No, I'm telling you, I learned so much. The Titanic museum, was it three and a half hours long? Yes, it was.

[Shane]

I can't believe the Titanic reference. Smosh.

[Amanda]

Oh, you're so dumb. I just got that. Shut up. Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Sorry.

[Amanda]

That was a picture of Ian and Anthony, too. They were like.

[Shane]

They're like, that's really genuinely. That's really. That you guys.

[Amanda]

Yeah, we're done.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Okay. You're done. Just kidding.

[Shane]

Do you want to go first? What? Did you just find it?

[Amanda]

Don't look at that.

[Shane]

What?

[Amanda]

No.

[Shane]

Okay, I won't look.

[Amanda]

We will not be looking at that.

[Shane]

The hell Fans are going to be speculating on what that was.

[Amanda]

I know. Of course they are. All it says is, I love bubble, and it was three of my crushes, so don't worry, guys.

[Shane]

Nice. That's awesome.

[Amanda]

Okay, I'll read this one. And y'all are going to think I am slutty. Okay, Everything's fine. Okay, I'll read this one. It's quick. I'm going to have to change some names. This is from 2003.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Amanda]

Friday. You remember being obsessed with Friday. I was Friday. Hey. My B day was wicked fun. I didn't really get a lot of presents, but whatever. Written as W E. Whatever. Tomorrow I'm going to New Hampshire to see Auntie Carolyn and tubing and skiing for Caroline's 13th birthday. The past two nights, people in my grades had parties. Marky's was Wednesday. I hooked up with Doug just because I wanted to. He was like. He was like, two more minutes. I was like, how about ten more seconds? Hahaha. Independent woman right here.

[Shane]

Nice, nice.

[Amanda]

I wrote that. Then John's. He was like grinding with me while I was standing still. Ew, gross.

[Shane]

Gross.

[Amanda]

I'm changing all these names, by the way. These are not their real names. I talked to Joe like the whole time. He's really sweet guy. Anyways, it was wicked fun.

[Shane]

Wicked fun.

[Amanda]

Amy connected with Mark, but she's got to understand, has to see for herself that Lindsay and him will not last. Well, G2G me hungry. I like Mike. Not really, just that he's kind of great. I also like John. Hopeless case. I like Matt. Pointless. It boggles my mind. There is nobody in life that I could spend the rest of my life with. I just don't get it. Like it's pissing me off. God send me an angel. Amen.

[Shane]

Holy shit.

[Amanda]

End of entry.

[Shane]

I also like this guy Pointless. And I like this guy Dead case.

[Amanda]

I'm pretty proud of myself that it was like two more minutes. How about 10 or seconds?

[Shane]

How much more seconds? Independent woman, right?

[Amanda]

No, that's definitely who I was. I was like, please.

[Shane]

That's so funny. That was wicked fun. Having a wicked good time.

[Amanda]

Oh, I said wicked all the time.

[Shane]

I'm sure you were in Boston.

[Amanda]

Wicked.

[Shane]

Okay, so that was the end of that one. You said gotta go.

[Amanda]

That was. Oh, once I. Once I say G2G, I'm out of that journal entry.

[Shane]

You did G2G.

[Amanda]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

GTG.

[Amanda]

GTG. Never. I would never touch that shit. It's always got to go.

[Shane]

I never saw TG. I didn't see G2G too much to.

[Amanda]

G. Yeah, every makes sense.

[Shane]

I don't. I didn't see it that often. Saw gt. Are you from Arizona? We would send a cactus to each other.

[Amanda]

No you didn't?

[Shane]

No.

[Amanda]

That's cute. I would love it if you did, though. You're like, hey, what's up, cactus Friday? Okay, your turn.

[Shane]

All right, I've got. So I. I didn't read this last time and I found this and I was like, well, I should read this. So this is from 2007. So this is September 17th. I wrote journal entry September 17th. Like you wouldn't know it's a journal.

[Amanda]

I think you thought this was going to be like, dug up in an archeology site and people are going to like, oh my.

[Shane]

I was definitely thinking like, oh, yes.

[Amanda]

Yes, they will find the Shane top journal.

[Shane]

The natural Hugo Wells here. Jules verne type. Okay, September 17th. I auditioned for a show called icarly a while back. God, but okay. I auditioned for a show called iCarly a while back, but never heard anything. Last Friday. Friday, my manager called saying I'd been called to producers for a different role on iCarly. A preppy, upscale private school boy. I had a great time auditioning and that's all I care about. I know something big is on the way though. Maybe it's making it big in acting or maybe it's something else. Who knows? I'm just going with the flow.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Shane]

September 22nd.

[Amanda]

Oh, shoot.

[Shane]

Few days later, journal entry, September 22nd.

[Amanda]

Ah, very good.

[Shane]

Yesterday, my mom got a call from my agent. Suddenly she turned around with two thumbs up in the air. Her face was full of excitement. I had booked the icarly audition. I was going to be a guest star on the show. Looks like something big was on its way. It was. And you know it was. Journal entry, September 23rd.

[Amanda]

Oh my God. Thank God you're labeling these.

[Shane]

Tomorrow is the start of my big week. It will be strange walking into Nikon sunset and not just standing in the main lobby, but actually going back onto the set. This is going to be very exciting. September 24th.

[Amanda]

You. You're really giving us just the stark details and I love it. Very good.

[Shane]

Most 16 year old boys don't have journals, so give me credit.

[Amanda]

You're killing it.

[Shane]

Okay. September 24th. Woke up and drove to Nikon sunset. We showed up early, so we walked down to the rite Aid we always would go to before I would audition. I walked into the set and met up with the teacher. And then a dark haired girl walked in. She had brown eyes. Miranda, this is Shane. She looked towards me with a smile and shook my hand. Nice to meet you, she said. Nice to meet you too, I said with a dash of Nervousness. I met two other members of the show within the next five minutes. A kid named Noah. He was very nice and outgoing for an 11 year old. And Jeanette, a blonde haired girl. All of them were much nicer than I expected. We spent the next five hours in that same room doing schoolwork. Jeanette left to work on school with her mom and Noah did so as well. Our teacher Patty pulled out the guinea pig they had in the room. Miranda and I sat there petting him for about 20 minutes. I realized how over exaggerated celebrities and people on TV are. They're normal human beings. Miranda and I talked about normal things. Things everyone talks about. The guinea pig's name was Tripod due to his one missing leg. I cracked a joke saying he lost it in Vietnam. I felt as if I was.

[Amanda]

You're 16 writing this? Yeah, like a grown ass man.

[Shane]

I know.

[Amanda]

A dash of nervousness. Thank God.

[Shane]

I felt as if I was fitting in well. Of course, we haven't done any acting at all. Since the writers are working on the script, maybe they are adding me more lines.

[Amanda]

Ooh, wishful thinking.

[Shane]

September 25th. Today was awful. And I can blame my damn nerves. I arrived on set at 7:30am So I had to wake up at 6. I was tired and not at all at my full potential. I went down for the table read. Little problem. I have no clue what a table read is. So I sat down with all the actors, writers, director and all the people. My lines had changed. I was still guest star, but it still threw me off. Suddenly they said they would begin. Miranda burst out into the first lines. Since she had the first lines in the script. Duh. I just went along with it as best I could. I only stumbled over about two to three lines so I didn't make a complete fool of myself. We went back to school for the next two hours. Then it was time for rehearsals. I felt viciously mediocre and I couldn't suppress my nerves. After that, back to school for another hour. Then time for run through. Of course, my big scene is the very first in the episode. Oh my God. I was nervous. Ugh. Everyone was there watching. I felt awful. After that, my mom and I went directly home.

[Amanda]

Who are you? You're so like eloquently spoken and you're like Damn these nerds.

[Shane]

Oh, damn my nerds.

[Amanda]

Damn these nerds.

[Shane]

I blew it.

[Amanda]

Miranda burst out. Of course you're the first line. Duh.

[Shane]

I realize celebrities are normal people.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Tripod. I made a joke about Vietnam.

[Shane]

I'm 16 years old.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Shane]

No purchase necessary. VGW group Void where prohibited by law. 21 + terms and conditions apply. Okay, September 26th, journal entry.

[Amanda]

Or did you just stop?

[Shane]

There's journal entry in front of all these.

[Amanda]

Oh, well, I need that.

[Shane]

As if I'm. As if I'm like on an expedition in. Our submarine has crashed.

[Amanda]

I think that's what you thought.

[Shane]

I definitely did.

[Amanda]

No journal entry.

[Shane]

This is when I'm like, I'm 16. Like, I'm getting. You're aware I'm really into reading, but I'm like, only reading classics.

[Amanda]

Oh, course.

[Shane]

I'm like, I'm definitely dick before bed mother reading A Thousand Leagues under the sea. Okay. September 26th, 2007.

[Amanda]

Ooh.

[Shane]

I woke up this morning and realized I had a choice. This could either be a good day or a bad day. And I'm going with good. We arrived on set at 9:30, went straight to school. I didn't feel as nervous today, and I was ready to rock them at rehearsals.

[Amanda]

Oh.

[Shane]

Once rehearsals came, I went to set. I did great. So much better than yesterday. When run through came, I was ready and willing. I rocked once again. Several people came up to tell me, great job. Afterwards, I felt great. I won't be shooting tomorrow though, but on Friday, I will. Friday.

[Amanda]

Friday. You rocked twice.

[Shane]

And I rocked twice. Dude.

[Amanda]

My God.

[Shane]

August 20th. September 28th. Yeah, I wrote August, but it's September 20th. I didn't go back. Whoa.

[Amanda]

You actually messed up.

[Shane]

I found a time machine and I went back in time.

[Amanda]

You didn't change that.

[Shane]

I know. I'm surprised too. Okay. September 28th. Yesterday there was no filming for me, so I had a nice relaxed day. Today, though, was filming. The. The day went as usual until it was my time to film my scene. There was tons of extras since it was a school hallway scene. I stood out with my preppy clothing. I walked up to Miranda and started the scene. Carly Shea from icarly, right? Yeah. Hi. She replied. Philip Brownlee. I'm a junior over at Briarwood Prep. I wrote out the whole scene. I wrote out the whole goddamn Scene for some reason.

[Amanda]

Well, maybe that's going to help you memorize it.

[Shane]

She goes, oh, cool looks. She looks at her shirt, which is covered in water. Oh, the water fountain sprayed me. Ah. I didn't want you to think I was sweaty or drooly. Haha. You're even funnier in person. Listen, changing from laughing to serious. I'm the student council president at Briarwood. Oh, fancy. You know we're the number one private school in. In Seattle. The scene kept going for another two pages. I went. It went very smoothly in two takes. Miranda tried to put on her hoodie and put it on backwards. She got very embarrassed, but I found it very funny. After the scene was done, I said goodbye to everybody. Jeanette and Miranda gave me their AIM Screen names love aim so it wasn't going to be goodbye forever. As I was heading out, I stopped by the green room. To my surprise, Josh Peck was standing there. It was only me and him in the room. Hey. I said flatly. Hi, Josh. He greeted me. Shane. I greeted back. So you like doing this? Oh yeah. I love this whole environment and everything. Cool dude. Very cool. He had to go after that.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Shane]

But it was still a cool encounter. After we left set, I went home and slept. It was time for another chapter, for something else to start.

[Amanda]

Holy.

[Shane]

Yeah, I completely forgot about the Josh Peck thing.

[Amanda]

Hey, very cool dude.

[Shane]

Looking at that like, hey, nice to meet you. Yeah, man. So you like doing this?

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, Very cool. It's kind of.

[Shane]

He wrote in his journal. He's like some idiot.

[Amanda]

It's kind of wild that you wrote out your whole.

[Shane]

I forgot. I did.

[Amanda]

I kind of like, I. You were like a pretty good writer, you know, you're writing out everything.

[Shane]

Thanks.

[Amanda]

You're so welcome. And I mean that.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

I mean that truly.

[Shane]

Okay. Thank you.

[Amanda]

And how cool is that that you got to like see what you were really feeling on icarly.

[Shane]

Well, I remember that. No, I. I frankly sucked so bad the first rehearsals that week. I bombed. Like, I was so nervous. I like struggled with lying. I know. It was my first and it was like a big deal. I knew it was gonna be a big show.

[Amanda]

Why? How did you know?

[Shane]

Cuz the. So it's interesting, especially back then with when Disney Channel and Nickelodeon were both kind of in a different era. I remember when the first auditions for Hannah Montana came out and literally casting directors were like, this is going to be the biggest show on television. And they were telling you this and it was like, this is going to be huge.

[Amanda]

Is it because of they just kind of know Miley's dad.

[Shane]

Or I think they just know, like, when scripts come out, like, producers in Hollywood just goes, this is gonna be big. And they called it, and it was huge. And then icarly was kind of the same. They're like, this is gonna be a huge show. And I don't think it had started airing yet. Maybe it had started, but this was the first season that I was on it.

[Amanda]

So much pressure.

[Shane]

So it was massive. But it was also my first job. Right. So I was just.

[Amanda]

Huge first job.

[Shane]

I was just like, oh, my God. And I had done small things before this, but this was the, like, oh, this is a big deal. And it's on this big set on Sunset Boulevard. It was all the stereotypical stuff. And, you know, it just. I had to kind of fail in order to be like, oh, I'm gonna be nervous no matter what. I need to find the way to have fun.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Cause I'm like, why am I doing this, right, if I'm not having fun?

[Amanda]

Exactly.

[Shane]

Just go back home.

[Amanda]

Exactly. You're a smart little kid. Well, back to my bullshit.

[Shane]

No, but I get frustrated that I. I know. I can tell that I'm, like, constricting. Like, I'm not writing my genuine. I want it kind of. I know. I wish I could kind of know what was really going on, but to be completely honest, I didn't know what was going on in my head for most of my life.

[Amanda]

I think. I think a kid that age who is on camera has already gotten, like, the aware bug, you know, like when they're aware of how they're talking and performing.

[Shane]

I felt so perceived.

[Amanda]

Exactly.

[Shane]

So the time.

[Amanda]

So that. That makes sense. You would journal like that. Whereas, like, you know, I wasn't freaking on tv. So, like, I'm like, not a soul is ever going to read this.

[Shane]

Yeah. And. And there's. And later on, I'm not going to read these. But you can tell there's, like, pages upon pages in journals. Later, when I'm in my, like, early 20s, where I'm writing about how I'm writing in a way that I think someone's gonna, like, reading it.

[Amanda]

Yep.

[Shane]

And I'm like, who the is reading this? I'm like, what does it matter?

[Amanda]

That just shows me where your head was at. You were just, like, constantly being perceived all the time.

[Shane]

Literally. I'm writing about that. Yeah, you can. I. You can read me writing about how I'm like, why do I care about who might.

[Amanda]

That's Crazy.

[Shane]

I know, but no, no, it's.

[Amanda]

It's not crazy. It's. It's. What I'm saying is, like, it's so cool to look back and go, oh, my God, I know what I'm doing. I know what I was doing here.

[Shane]

It's especially eerie reading that type of stuff and knowing that that's how I was thinking. That's 2007. That's before social media, right?

[Amanda]

Yep.

[Shane]

And I'm like, here I am struggling with the feeling of being perceived, and now in 2025, now more than ever, for the past, like, few years, everyone is dealing with the feeling of being perceived more than ever in human history. Now it's more, like, prevalent. Yeah, but I was feeling it back then.

[Amanda]

Feeling it back.

[Shane]

Yeah, but I was in the industry, and now the thing I say is everyone's in the entertainment industry. If you have.

[Amanda]

If you have Tik Tok, if you have social media, you are.

[Shane]

If you have a public social media platform, you're in the entertainment industry.

[Amanda]

You are being perceived. You hear that? You read the comments?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

You change certain parts of yourself to, like, match the comments.

[Shane]

Right.

[Amanda]

But I'm hoping that there's, like a. A redo, a refresh.

[Shane]

Things will morph. They morph well.

[Amanda]

Okay. 10, 15, 2002. This is really important. I love Romeo and Juliet. Exclamation mark. Leonardo DiCaprio is so hot in that movie. It's so dramatic. It's all about two people who love each other. They would die for one another. Towards the ending, one takes a pill and everyone thinks she died. So Romeo goes, takes a pill and dies. Juliet wakes up and kiss herself in the thought of not being able to live with. Oh, shoots herself. Sorry, not kiss. Shoots herself in the thought of not being able to live without Romeo. It was hard to see each other before death because of the parents not liking Romeo. It made it difficult to live together. God, I want to be in that movie. I love Tuck Everlasting too. Jesse Jackson was so hot, you know? Romeo and Juliet helps our daily life. Romeo and Juliet helps our daily life. It's so sad. But the point is to stop the family feud. After the suicide, both fathers shake. Shake hands in a sign of. All right, we're okay. See ya. I'm excited to watch it again, but reading will be hard. Bye.

[Shane]

Reading will be hard. On the count that I can't read.

[Amanda]

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, yeah, today's messy. It's raining and pouring. Like the old man is snoring. Went to bed, bumped his head and didn't wake up in the morning.

[Shane]

You wrote out the whole saying.

[Amanda]

Stupid poem. Basically about concussions. What the hell? Or he could have been on drugs. Something weird like that. Hi. Hi. Hi.

[Shane]

You're going more in on that than Romeo and Juliet.

[Amanda]

Hi. Hi, hi ho hum. Hi ho. Huh. It's off to work we go.

[Shane]

La la la la la la la.

[Amanda]

God, I love Matt. Even though he's a druggie. Can't stop thinking about it. Hard, hard, hard, hard, hard.

[Shane]

That's awesome. No, you know why that's so much better than mine is because you actually get to see into your mind. That's how your thoughts were coming out. That's a look at a real brain. You don't need MRI scans when you got that.

[Amanda]

Yeah, like an old poem is in my head. Romeo and Juliet. And then I'm like, God, I love this guy, but he's a druggie.

[Shane]

Oh man. Is soaring but pumped his head, didn't get up in the morning. Ha ha ha. I love Matt.

[Amanda]

He's a druggie. Whatever.

[Shane]

He's a druggie. I don't care. Romeo and Juliet's my favorite movie. And here's why I can help everyone.

[Amanda]

That's how, that's how I journaled that.

[Shane]

I love how you. I love how you just, just go into the ending of Romeo and Juliet. For anyone who doesn't know the ending, I'm like.

[Amanda]

And then suicide. I mean I knew a lot of stuff. I was like, suicide, drugs.

[Shane]

Oh yeah.

[Amanda]

Conscious.

[Shane]

Like when you're a teenager. It's like those are.

[Amanda]

God, that Family feud.

[Shane]

Yeah man. Well that is what that story's about when you think about it.

[Amanda]

Okay, here's another one. It's quick.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Just as dumb as the other one. 05:12, 2003 DD was so much fun. Which is DD? Either Dunkin Donuts or the driving school. But I think it's Dunkin Donuts. Dunkin Donuts was so much fun. I thought I forgot my camera, but Jenny had it.

[Shane]

Woohoo.

[Amanda]

I'm so happy. Okay. Amy likes John, her boyfriend. Okay. Anyways, I'm in a good mood. I have my. I have my first day on the job today. Hahaha. Scared. Well, anyways, I think I'm gonna put my camera on cvs then pick it up on the way home. Hopefully one hour photo baby. Yeah. And then I put in quotes. Take my strong hand from Scary Movie. Correct.

[Shane]

Oh my God.

[Amanda]

Take my strong hand. Haha. In a laughy mood. Blah. I like Jess. She's awesome. But it's so obvious that she likes Mike. Whatever. It's all good. I don't like him like that. Okay. All my pictures look like I'm a fat chick. It's literally terrible. I feel kind of fat lately. I think it's because of my huge, annoying boobs. Love, Amanda. Oh, God. I. I don't understand.

[Shane]

Yeah, I think. I think that's all completely.

[Amanda]

No, this is 100% like. And it was 2003, so everyone said fat all the time. They're like, God, I'm so fat right now. And they're like, we're, like, unfortunate. We're teens.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

God, that's so funny. I love it. Just, like, it's so obvious. She's into Matt. Whatever. I don't care. I don't like him like that.

[Amanda]

No, I know. I was definitely, like, my whole life was like that. Like, the relationships between people, when they'd always get together and not get together. Like, I was so involved. God, I was so involved.

[Shane]

So funny.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Do you.

[Amanda]

That's what you miss.

[Shane]

Obviously, you're not going to read any journal entries from, like, recent years. Are they at all similar? Like, I don't mean obviously they're not like that, but are they similar in, like, how you do. Do you still do stream of consciousness?

[Amanda]

Yes. Yes.

[Shane]

So it can kind of be all over the place.

[Amanda]

Yes. Sometimes I. I actually did, like, go back on my recent journals, and they're like. They're pretty intense. And. And the connections I'm making in my head, I'm like, damn, that's intense. Like, they're more sad at times.

[Shane]

Sure.

[Amanda]

But they're 100% stream of conscious.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

They're like, I wonder what. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, and also, blah, blah, blah. Said this thing, and I remember that. And I was thinking, and sometimes I'll go on a long tangent and get to a place of understanding. Some of my journals have letters in it written to people that I'll never give to them.

[Shane]

That's.

[Amanda]

That happens a lot. So I.

[Shane]

And a lot of people, like, their journal is, like, written to someone. Right. Like, that's, like, a popular thing that people do.

[Amanda]

Yeah. But it's definitely. It's. I definitely still write the same way.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Like, stream of conscious. Like, I'll always put at the top the main thing that's happening.

[Shane]

Got it. Okay, that's cool. And like, see, I put journal entry.

[Amanda]

And see, I love that.

[Shane]

So that people know I like that you got.

[Amanda]

Do you got. What else you got?

[Shane]

Okay, let me see what else I marked some other things because you're not.

[Amanda]

Going to learn much from these journals about me. Actually, you're kind of learning a lot.

[Shane]

I. The problem is so much of my journals are me trying to sound smart or cool.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Okay. I actually. This is. This is me. This is me being deep as hell. Okay. But I liked this one. Okay, here we go. Are we in 2011?

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

So I'm like, 1920.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

When we walk, we aren't walking. We're falling and catching ourselves. To think that one of the first things we learn to do in life might be a representation of life itself. We move forward by falling and catching ourselves. Pretty cool. Whoa. Pretty cool.

[Amanda]

That just kind of blew up my shit.

[Shane]

I like that when we walk, we're.

[Amanda]

Actually falling and catching ourselves.

[Shane]

Pretty cool.

[Amanda]

And that's it.

[Shane]

And that's it. Okay. I have one other. I have one other that I found because, mind you, this is the one that's, like, this is my only one. So this goes up till yesterday. This goes up to this morning when I wrote in it. So check this one out. This is trippy because this was a time when I was writing a lot. So.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

I was just like. This past week had me looking back on this being like, this is weird to read. The mayor of L. A said we might be on lockdown for two months, maybe more. I wonder if anything will be normal ever again. I wonder when I'll forget about all this and be with a crowd and not think. This is a weird feeling. Days seem a lot longer from inside. I feel stupid whenever I get worried and guilty whenever I'm not. I'm. In so many ways, this whole thing still doesn't feel real. So much is still the same. The sun is still out, the birds are still singing, dogs barking, people talking from within their homes. It doesn't look like a pandemic when you put your phone down. Whoa. How trippy.

[Amanda]

Wait a second. What year was that?

[Shane]

That was March of 2020. Yeah, that was. Right?

[Amanda]

It doesn't look. That was a pandemic when you put your phone down. That's so true.

[Shane]

I read that. I was like, oh, God. And, like, that's the thing. Those were. There's a couple moments when I'm reading my journal where I'm like, oh, I wasn't trying to sound like anything there.

[Amanda]

No, you were, actually.

[Shane]

And then it ends up, like, being way more.

[Amanda]

Way more profound.

[Shane]

But it's weird where I was like, oh, I had no idea. Like, I was. I was saying, will this ever be Normal again. No, but it was definitely trippy. And I wrote during that time, I was writing almost every day because, like, I had nothing to do.

[Amanda]

See, that's. And that's the best because that's. To me, when you're writing, like that stream of conscious, like, you come out and then you're like. Oh, you start to like, make.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And then you go back.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

I'm gonna read one last one of mine, and it's probably my most, let's say, profound one in this.

[Shane]

Okay. After you read that, we've got a guest.

[Amanda]

Oh, my freaking God. Yeah, we do. Okay. 521 2003, remember?

[Shane]

Yes.

[Amanda]

Dude, what do you think makes a good parent?

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

And then after that, I go, sup, dog?

[Shane]

Oh, I thought was so ready. You teed us up, you walked away.

[Amanda]

No, it's happening. It's. I'm just getting my hellos out.

[Shane]

Okay. Okay.

[Amanda]

I'm getting my greetings out. Okay. Sup, dog? Hahaha. I'm so hyper and happy. I was a really hyper kid. I was like, yeah, I. I can imagine. Okay. A good parent will give anything to make the child happy. The parent will sacrifice its life and give up things they like to do so that the child will get what they want. Loves to be with the child. Give it love. Roof over its head. I spelled roof as rough. Okay. Roof over its head. Food on the table and clothes on their back. That's the truth. No spoiling. That's all you need. And maybe a couple of treats every so often. That's what a good parent is to me. Okay, so anyways, Mike called me and said he couldn't stop thinking about.

[Shane]

Damn it.

[Amanda]

It's so confusing because with John, he's a really bad kisser. He kisses like a horse.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Amanda]

And I.

[Shane]

Damn.

[Amanda]

And I can't take it. He's sweet and everything, but that counts for a lot of reasons. You gotta know how to kiss, you know? Geez. Okay, so anyways, I really actually want to date Hopscotch. For real. Hopscotch is a code name and I can't remember who it is.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

I really want to date Hopscotch for real.

[Shane]

So you were writing tons of names down there.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But there was one guy that you gave.

[Amanda]

All the names that I've given. You guys are fake.

[Shane]

Are fake. You're writing real names in the book and then you wrote, this one is.

[Amanda]

An actual code name. And I. And I. Amanda. Can't even remember who it is.

[Shane]

Interesting.

[Amanda]

He makes me laugh and I don't know. Bye wow.

[Shane]

Do you think you wrote Hopscotch because it was a guy you were kind of embarrassed to like?

[Amanda]

I think so.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Amanda]

I have a feeling it's one of the guys who was, like, really rich in my town that, like, it was kind of like, you don't. Don't like him. Like, he's dating. Like.

[Shane]

Like, he's not. That's not gonna happen.

[Amanda]

He's dating, like, the rich girl like I always dated. Kind of like the long jean shorts who like dirt bikers.

[Shane]

Fred Durst.

[Amanda]

That's what I liked. I always dated Fred Durst.

[Shane]

That's hilarious.

[Amanda]

So that was my most insightful one in 2003.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Amanda]

But trust me, they get really insightful.

[Shane]

I can't imagine. See, that's not fair. We're reading ones from when I'm, like, 20, and also ones from when I'm.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I would have brought older ones, but I was like, nah, I just don't have much.

[Shane]

This is all I got.

[Amanda]

Stick with these.

[Shane]

I. I have. Maybe next time we do this, if we ever do this again. I have a dream. I have a dream journal that I only have, like, the first two pages because I never dream.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

So I have, like, a couple of.

[Amanda]

Dreams, and I got my dream journal, and. Good night.

[Shane]

I truly have, like, a couple dreams because that's all I have.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Never dream. I don't remember them. But we have a guest.

[Amanda]

We have a guest.

[Shane]

We have someone who journals better than both of us combined.

[Amanda]

100%.

[Shane]

This person's journals are unbelievable.

[Amanda]

They're gorgeous.

[Shane]

Come on in, ladies and gentlemen. Selena.

[Amanda]

Selena.

[Shane]

Selena's here. Hi, Selena.

[Amanda]

Hi.

[Selena]

That is too much to live up to. I don't know if you.

[Amanda]

Handwriting is unbelievable.

[Shane]

Okay. No. Can you show a page?

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Shane]

The camera.

[Selena]

My. This was my pride and joy. Hold on. Just, like, blocks of text.

[Shane]

Look at that. Look at that.

[Selena]

We might have to blur some of.

[Shane]

This, but, like, it's the best handwriting I've ever seen in my life.

[Selena]

Also, I.

[Shane]

Look at this.

[Selena]

I bullet journaled for, like, a while.

[Amanda]

It is unbelievable. Thank you.

[Selena]

I do.

[Shane]

This is what I wanted my journals to look like, but so.

[Amanda]

By the way, that was never happening.

[Shane]

That's your handwriting?

[Selena]

Yes.

[Shane]

Right.

[Amanda]

All of it.

[Shane]

This is.

[Amanda]

This was.

[Shane]

This was a blank notebook for those listening. It's unbelievable.

[Amanda]

It looks like something that you would buy at a really fancy, like, paper store.

[Shane]

It looks like it's printed.

[Amanda]

Yeah. But it's not. It's all Selena.

[Selena]

Yeah. I got graded on my penmanship when I was a Kid. So that's probably why.

[Amanda]

That's unbelievable.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Can you read us a little? Sure.

[Selena]

These were. These are journals. I didn't start journaling until I was a young adult, slash real adult. So these were from 2016 to 2020.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Selena]

So this first one is. I found it and it was really funny. And me, Selena today titled it. I had to type it because I had to change some names and I didn't want to forget.

[Amanda]

Sure.

[Selena]

I titled it Selena's first date from a dating app.

[Shane]

Whoa. Yo, yo.

[Amanda]

No journal entry. Just that.

[Selena]

I mean, that was the whole journal entry from that day. Like, I, like, retyped everything. Okay. So from May to 2018. Okay. Today was wild. I had my first ever date from Tinder, no less. And it was pretty good. I wasn't nervous about it, which was good. I recognized him as soon as he got off the bus. We hugged and started making our way to the restaurant. As we were walking there, our hands acted. Accidentally grazed each other's, and he took hold of it. I was shook. When we got to the restaurant, he did it again. We held hands for basically the whole meal. And when we weren't, he put his feet on my stool and basically caressed my legs with his. After lunch, I proposed that we go back to my town to take a walk because it's nice out and so we can talk. We got there and managed to walk around a block before deeming it too hot. Deeming it too hot. As we were walking, he would have his arm around my shoulders or my waist. We had our first kiss when we were walking back to my car. It was at a busy intersection and I got embarrassed, so I pulled away. We were headed to the park to be alone and to sit somewhere. After some browsing, we finally found a bench. We sit, talk, kiss, and kiss some more. It was nice.

[Amanda]

Whoa.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

Is this first date?

[Selena]

First date.

[Amanda]

Damn. Damn, girl.

[Selena]

Then we head over to the poke place in town to get some bobo. We do the hand holding thing. It's just really nice to be PDA and affectionate. I drop him off at the train station and waited with him until his train came. We were nerdy and affectionate and we kissed goodbye. I'm incredibly smitten. It was a lot. Couldn't focus or sleep much that night. I couldn't wait to see him again. And then, Selena Today update. I saw him one more time, did it, and never saw him again.

[Shane]

What?

[Amanda]

Let me just say he was. Did he put his feet on your stool?

[Selena]

Yes, he put.

[Amanda]

Damn. He was touchy. From the get.

[Shane]

You guys met up and just immediately held hands.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And all through. All through eating. Yeah.

[Shane]

You're like holding my hands and you have a sandwich in the other.

[Selena]

Yeah. Imagine like sitting across from each other and just like one hand holding.

[Amanda]

And then like, I can't even do that with my husband. I'd be like, give me back my hand. I gotta eat, bro.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Wait. Okay.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Hey.

[Amanda]

Hey. Hey.

[Shane]

Hey.

[Amanda]

How are you?

[Selena]

So these the way I. This is how my brain works. I have to compartmentalize everything. So each day is like categorized into, like, work, love, life, like anything else that happened that day.

[Amanda]

They're organized. Yeah.

[Selena]

That's how my brain works.

[Amanda]

It's just. But that.

[Selena]

But yours is so fun.

[Amanda]

Like.

[Shane]

Like, it's.

[Amanda]

But my. My. I was like, younger. It's probably the same. You were younger.

[Selena]

I was a full blown adult at this point.

[Amanda]

So you're filling out a journal, clean and organized.

[Shane]

Yours looks so cool. You're flipping through it earlier and like the amount of graphics you're doing all the time.

[Selena]

Thank you. I have to. I was. I had a jacksepticeye phase.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Amanda]

Love that.

[Selena]

Like seven years ago. Like his font.

[Shane]

Dude.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

So incredible. So you're filling out. I see this one at the bottom says April. April to November of 2017.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So you're filling out more than one a year?

[Selena]

Yes, because I. Because I couldn't fit more because I was bullet journaling. So I was making up like, like monthly spreads or like weekly spreads. So, like, they take up space.

[Amanda]

See, that's the thing is when you have it kind of like as a daily or a weekly thing, it kind of pushes you to write more.

[Selena]

Yeah, this one's fun. I found this and I was like, whoa, Shane, if you can read this block right here, just the second block there.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Okay. I was going to skip. I was going to skip poll, but I'm glad I didn't. Shane considered me to be one of the more advanced students in. In net class.

[Selena]

In that class.

[Shane]

In that class. I feel myself getting stronger, though. Nowhere near perfect or good even. And I follow choreography well. I got to do the routine without call outs. It was fine, but I choked a bit at the end when I was making up my own stuff. But it was still great to be trusted to do well. Wait, what is this?

[Selena]

Pole class?

[Amanda]

Pole dancing.

[Selena]

Pole dancing.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Selena]

Your namesake Y and everything.

[Amanda]

So you were there?

[Shane]

Yeah, I was there.

[Amanda]

You were there teaching her.

[Selena]

Okay, I saw that and I was like, that's crazy.

[Amanda]

Pole Dancing is awesome.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

My friend does it and loves it.

[Shane]

Hilarious.

[Selena]

That was from 2019. But the one that, like, I. I was like, oh, I flipped. The first thing I flipped to this morning to, like, to read. I was like, this is so cute. So this is from.

[Amanda]

Your handwriting is insane.

[Shane]

I can't get over it.

[Amanda]

It's.

[Shane]

If my handwriting looked like this, I'd be journaling all the time.

[Selena]

Yeah. So this is from July 14, 2017. So, like, almost seven and a half years ago. I've really fallen in love with Jacksepticeye, a YouTuber. He's become an inspiration to me, and his videos always make me feel good. I just wanted to mention him because I've been watching him a lot. In fact, YouTube has been making me happy lately and inspiring me to make content and be creative. I want to be part of this community and foster creativity, connect with people and entertain people. I'm also scared, though, because I know that whatever I put out, there'll be criticism with it, but I just need to force myself to be diligent about it because I'm excited to find out what I'll be making, what I come up with, and who I'll become.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

Look at you now, girl.

[Selena]

First thing I flipped to this morning, I was like, that's crazy.

[Shane]

That's so cool.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. Anyway, these are my. They're so. They're so beautiful. Thank you. Is this a moleskin?

[Selena]

No, I like Loish terms. Any bullet journal? Girlies out there send me recommendations, but.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I love good journals. I love ones that have the elastic band over it.

[Selena]

Yeah. But most of it is literally just boys. Where's the one? It's all just boys. It's all just a place for me to talk about boys. This one. I'm changing names because of course. Yeah. July 21, 2018. Xavier continued the text from yesterday, but really didn't keep the conversation going at all. So what? In the actual sigh, I wrote the word sigh and then next. Next line. Nothing from Ethan. Actually kind of sad about it. Next line matched with a super thirsty Danish dude who's kind of cute. Sexy conversations were had. Should I hook up with him? Yolo. Right. But I don't know. I'm kind of happy that he's unable to meet. That's so overwhelming.

[Shane]

You said this is 2018.

[Amanda]

YOLO. YOLO was yellow big in 2018. I remember.

[Shane]

Still was.

[Amanda]

YOLO journals is such a place to talk about boys, girls, or yolo. Because that. That's when you. That's when you're going to be talking about it.

[Shane]

That's true.

[Amanda]

Obviously, like you could talk about with your friends.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's like, it's the most healthy for you to like really be completely open in your journal and not judge yourself like I do.

[Selena]

Yeah. But now I read them back and I'm like, oh, I think that's.

[Shane]

I think if you're not. I think if you're reading them back and not feeling that you didn't do.

[Selena]

It properly, you didn't go like.

[Shane]

I think, I think that's growth. Like you're not looking back on yourself eight years ago and going, oh, God.

[Amanda]

Yeah, no, I know. I would look back and be like, wow, I got, I got upset about so many little things.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Like, I can't believe they texted me that. Yeah, well, I'm gonna have to text them. And it's like, girl, let it go.

[Selena]

And it's like, do you even remember what it was?

[Amanda]

No.

[Selena]

Exactly. It's like, don't.

[Shane]

I think reading back on your journals is part of, like what's healthy about it. No, I love it kind of gives you. It gives you the best perspective on things.

[Amanda]

A journal is so healthy. I. I do know that some people are like, I can't. It's too much. But I think if you lower your expectations for it, make it small, like.

[Shane]

It can only it. Even a sentence a day is something.

[Amanda]

Because they have five minute journals or two minute journals.

[Selena]

That's what I'm trying to get back to. Because I did this, I did all of this when I had more time in my days and it just got too overwhelming.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Selena]

And. And then I put pressure on myself to like make it perfect. So my goal this year is to just like one line. Just one line describing.

[Amanda]

Yep.

[Selena]

What happened, how I felt, etc, just to like let it out.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Awesome. Dude, your journal game is crazy.

[Amanda]

It's really good. So now we know that Selena's the best. Shane's probably second and this girl. This girl is. You have on another.

[Shane]

You guys both win by the sheer amount of journals. You have these. This is it. That's it. And this one has two pages.

[Amanda]

Hey, that's pretty awesome.

[Shane]

This is. I have these. These are. This is my journals.

[Amanda]

That's pretty awesome.

[Selena]

Yeah, but if that's all you need, that's all you need, you know?

[Amanda]

Yeah, it's all you need. And it's really cool. The first one looks like it's, you know, Game of Thrones. Yeah.

[Shane]

That was. Yeah.

[Amanda]

That was your plan.

[Shane]

Well, it was 2000 I guess game of Thrones was out, but I hadn't read it yet.

[Amanda]

No.

[Shane]

But anyways, Selena, thank you for showing these to us. Showing us.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Shane]

This has been really fun.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Do you guys journal? Let us know.

[Shane]

Let us know if you journal down below.

[Amanda]

And let us know if you're gonna read 50 books in a year just like Shane is.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'll keep updating you on the books I'm reading.

[Amanda]

Yeah, keep updating.

[Selena]

Zero.

[Amanda]

But that's okay. I have one that I can't remember the name of.

[Shane]

Yeah, you.

[Amanda]

What's going on?

[Shane]

Guess whatever book Amanda's reading.

[Amanda]

Yeah, and also watch Day of the Jackal because it's really good.

[Shane]

But I hope you guys are doing well. We love you.

[Amanda]

We're safe.

[Shane]

We will see you next week. Week.

[Amanda]

We will see you next week.

[Shane]

Goodbye. Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Shane]

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