#77 - Reading Our Teenage Journals Again

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth Episode #77 - "Reading Our Teenage Journals Again"

Host(s): Shayne Topp (Shane), Amanda Lehan-Canto (Amanda), and Guest Selena
Release Date: January 20, 2025
Duration Covered: 01:00 – 68:31

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1. Opening Discussion: Fires in Los Angeles

Timestamp: 01:00 – 06:12

Shane and Amanda kick off the episode by addressing the recent devastating wildfires that have swept through Los Angeles County, including areas like Palisades, Altadena, and Pasadena. They reflect on the emotional toll and the unexpectedness of such disasters in a region not typically prone to them.

• Shane (01:08): "We're recording this on the 14th. This is our first podcast we're recording. This is our first day of filming anything this year."

• Amanda (01:30): "The fires have been like going throughout LA, LA County, Palisades, it's been Altadena, Pasadena. It's been wild."

They discuss the widespread impact, noting that virtually everyone knows someone who has lost their home. Despite the fear and chaos, the hosts highlight the silver lining of community solidarity, with people coming together to support each other through donation centers and volunteer efforts.

• Shane (04:06): "Everyone knows someone who lost a home."

2. Community Resilience Amidst Disaster

Timestamp: 06:12 – 11:17

The conversation shifts to the remarkable unity displayed by Los Angeles residents during the fires. They talk about the overwhelming response to volunteer efforts and the influx of people wanting to help, sometimes even exceeding the demand.

• Amanda (04:20): "The people of LA have really, really come together unbelievably."

Shane adds that the perception of LA as just a hub for rich celebrities is inaccurate, emphasizing the diversity of communities affected and the collective spirit that rises in times of crisis.

• Shane (05:49): "LA is so big. It's a collection of bunch of different types of communities."

3. Coping Mechanisms: Reading and Journaling

Timestamp: 11:17 – 20:54

Transitioning from the heavy topic of wildfires, Shane and Amanda introduce their next segment focused on personal coping strategies—specifically reading and journaling. Shane shares his ambitious goal of reading 50 books in the year 2025, highlighting his current progress and the methods he's employing to achieve this target.

• Shane (12:11): "I have a goal this year. I have a goal this year. A lot of love reading goals."

Amanda discusses her longstanding habit of journaling, tracing it back to childhood. She reveals that her journals are treasured keepsakes, often filled with personal reflections, crushes, and everyday experiences.

• Amanda (18:07): "I've had a journal my whole life. Constantly. I constantly have a journal going and I always finish it."

4. Sharing and Reflecting on Personal Journals

Timestamp: 20:54 – 43:17

The hosts delve deeper into the practice of journaling, with Shane showing excerpts from his own journals dating back to his teenage years. He candidly discusses the challenges of maintaining consistency and the introspective insights gained from reviewing past entries.

• Shane (20:54): "My issue with a lot of my journals. This took me a couple years to finish... and I'm actively trying to journal every day."

Amanda shares her approach to journaling, emphasizing a stream-of-consciousness style that captures her thoughts and feelings without judgment. She highlights the therapeutic benefits of revisiting old entries to track personal growth.

• Amanda (50:07): "They're organized. Yeah. But that's how my brain works."

5. Guest Segment: Selena’s Journaling Journey

Timestamp: 43:17 – 67:36

Selena joins the hosts to showcase her meticulously crafted bullet journals. Her handwriting and artistic layouts impress Shane and Amanda, leading to discussions about different journaling styles and the importance of personal expression.

• Shane (57:39): "This is what I wanted my journals to look like, but... So."

Selena reads selected entries from her journals, providing listeners with a glimpse into her personal experiences and emotional landscape. Her entries range from first dates to reflections on personal growth and creative aspirations.

• Selena (58:16): "Today was wild. I had my first ever date from Tinder, no less... It was nice."

The segment underscores the diverse ways individuals engage with journaling, from Amanda's free-form entries to Selena's structured bullet journaling, emphasizing its role in self-discovery and emotional processing.

6. Final Reflections and Recommendations

Timestamp: 67:36 – 68:31

As the episode wraps up, Shane and Amanda encourage listeners to consider their own journaling and reading habits. They offer supportive messages for those pursuing literary goals and share personal anecdotes about their ongoing journeys.

• Amanda (67:55): "Do you guys journal. Let us know if you journal down below."

Shane reiterates his commitment to the 50-book goal, promising to keep the audience updated on his progress.

• Shane (68:04): "I'll keep updating you on the books I'm reading."

Selena concludes by praising the visual and expressive aspects of her journaling, leaving listeners inspired to explore their own journaling practices.

• Selena (63:26): "I have to this. I was. I had a jacksepticeye phase."

7. Notable Quotes

• Shane (06:44): "I don't understand. I have moments where I talk as if I understand what's going on... I'm just going with the flow."

• Amanda (22:14): "A journal is so healthy... I have five minute journals or two minute journals."

• Shane (33:10): "I felt as if I was fitting in well."

• Amanda (50:07): "But it's it can kind of be all over the place."

• Selena (58:37): "I titled it Selena's First Date from a dating app."

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Conclusion

Episode #77 of Smosh Mouth offers a heartfelt exploration of personal experiences amidst community challenges. Shane and Amanda navigate through discussions about the devastating LA fires, emphasizing resilience and collective effort. Transitioning to more personal topics, they share their passions for reading and journaling, inviting listeners to reflect on their own practices. The addition of guest Selena enriches the conversation, showcasing diverse journaling styles and the profound impact of writing on personal growth. This episode blends vulnerability with lightheartedness, remaining both relatable and inspiring for audiences.

Transcript

[Shane Topp]

Hey there, Ryan Reynolds here. It's a new year and you know what that means. No, not the diet resolutions. A way for us all to try and do a little bit better than we did last year. And my resolution, unlike big wireless, is to not be a raging and raise the price of wireless on you every chance I get. Give it a [e-mail] switch. $45 upfront payment required. Equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees. Extra Speed slower above 40 GB on unlimited. See mintmobile.com for details.

[Amanda]

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[Shane Topp]

Hello. Welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane.

[Amanda]

And I'm Amanda. How are you guys? It is 2025.

[Shane Topp]

That's right. Yeah, it is. We're recording this on the 14th. This is our first podcast we're recording. This is our first day of filming anything this year. We were gonna film last week and it's our first time recording since the fires here in la, which have been, I mean, there's a bunch of adjectives.

[Amanda]

Devastating, heartbreaking. The fires have been like going throughout la, LA County, Palisades, it's been Altadena, Pasadena. It's been wild. What's amazing to me is that you forget that, you know, the news connects everybody. So everyone's reaching out to you, checking in.

[Shane Topp]

Right.

[Amanda]

And you're like, I'm figuring this out as we go.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. Kind of deal. I didn't understand the like as it was happening Tuesday night, which Tuesday was just weird. Cause the winds I've never experienced and I've lived out here for a long time and those were freakish winds. And then you add fire to it. You didn't really understand the scope of it until you saw like overhead footage of the devastation. I mean, I still don't know if I fully. I'm gonna fully grasp it until I drive past parts of that are just gone.

[Amanda]

Like Malibu and. But I feel like with these fires, we. We know at least one to two people have lost their homes during these fires.

[Shane Topp]

I don't know anyone who doesn't know someone. Like everyone knows someone who lost a.

[Amanda]

Home and that I've never been evacuated or had a warning my entire time living in la.

[Shane Topp]

It's not normal. No, I've never had. I've never even had the thought in the 20 years I've lived out here. I've never had the thought of, oh, I maybe will have to go.

[Amanda]

Right.

[Shane Topp]

It was definitely a weird. It's very lucky that I didn't have to evacuate same. The fear was there. And it's that very existential moment of like, let's pack up what we're going to take.

[Amanda]

Pack up.

[Shane Topp]

And you're. You have this moment, you have this moment where you're like, I have maybe anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour to like if it's bad, right. To figure out what is most important.

[Amanda]

To me and what. And what do you bring, you know, like, I mean, I was just thinking clothes, but then of course, you know, your passport, documents. That.

[Shane Topp]

Because there's the practical. There's the practical side, right. Of like, what do I need so that I can like function.

[Amanda]

Right.

[Shane Topp]

And then it's also the sentimental stuff of like, what is the most important emotional pieces in my. And that's that you up. I even thinking about it. Yeah.

[Amanda]

I was, I was reading that a lot of people in the Palisades, their biggest thing were mementos, like baby albums, photo albums and everything else they had to leave behind.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

The thing I will say there's a silver lining a little bit to this is that the people of LA have really, really come together unbelievably. So, like the donation centers, Smosh did an amazing job. Like, yeah, people are coming together.

[Shane Topp]

I was hearing that a lot of sites were full up on volunteers. Like people were coming, trying to volunteer and they're like, we have too many volunteers, which is unbelievable.

[Amanda]

And like there's you. There's not really anything good that you can say about the fires at all. But what you can look at is be like, holy shit. The place that I live. They're so connected and so community oriented.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. And it's. I, I think for people who don't live in la, it's a place that gets heavily stereotyped because there's a lot of reality tv, a lot of movies that's like famous. This is what LA is. LA is so big. It's a collection of bunch of different types of communities. And it. There's a lot of people going, oh, it's just a bunch of rich celebrities who lost their homes. And especially like when you talk like Altadena, I mean it's not at all. And there's tons of. Tons of apartment complexes, tons of just small businesses. I mean, this was. This was so big. I mean, it was. It was just devastating. It's. It's wild, but it's. I agree with you. It has been. And this is historically true, that in the face of devastation, people tend to, like, communities come together. It shows how good a lot of people are. Plenty of bad people in the world. We hear about that all the time. But there's definitely so many incredible people out there.

[Amanda]

Yeah. And it's still. You know, it's still going on right.

[Shane Topp]

Now as we are doing this.

[Amanda]

As we are doing this. There are still people, you know, who aren't allowed to drink their water. There's still people who are just reeling from their homes. And the fire has. The wind has kind of kicked up again. But as of right now, a lot of areas where the air quality was so bad has gotten a lot better. Cause we're all back.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. And I mean, the firefighters, man, all those footage of those planes and helicopters dropping stuff, it is so insane.

[Amanda]

People are kind of getting a. There was one Instagram account that was like, we will only be posting helicopter drops from now on because some of them were unbelievable.

[Shane Topp]

They are. It looks awesome when they're dropping that stuff. When they're dropping the red stuff all over the place. It looks so cool. They've done a. I think they've done an incredible job.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

I don't understand. I have moments where I. I talk as if I understand what's going on, where I'm, like, looking at the apps. I'm like, yeah, so they've got it 35% contained. So that probably means this area. I'm like. After a second, I'm like, I actually have no idea what any of that.

[Amanda]

Everyone's like, that. They downloaded watch.

[Shane Topp]

Everybody became like a weather reporter 100 overnight.

[Amanda]

They're like, so the winds are traveling east, and it's actually 1% contained, which means.

[Shane Topp]

And you're like, it's really funny. And I do it, too, where everybody, like, gets locked in, and they become an expert 100% a little bit.

[Amanda]

And they call people like, hey, how's it going? Where are you at? Like, what's going on with you? It's like everyone's kind of. They. It. I don't know why. And maybe this is bad, but it's easy for us to go into emergency mode.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

We've experienced Covid and other things, but we're like, what's going On.

[Shane Topp]

No, we were. Me and so many people were calling each other, being like, what's it looking like over there? Yeah. So from me here, I can definitely see the fires. It's like. It was. It was interesting.

[Amanda]

It's how we cope. I mean, really, it's like how we have to be involved somehow.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. No, there was a couple of nights where everyone was just terrified, no matter how far away you were from it, because new fires were starting up everywhere.

[Amanda]

You remember the mistake alert?

[Shane Topp]

Yes.

[Amanda]

Came out.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, there was a couple. There was the one that happened during the day, and then there was one at 4am yeah.

[Amanda]

So those are. What. What's the term for those? Like, just alerts on your phone.

[Shane Topp]

It's. Yeah, because that's an alert we've never had before.

[Amanda]

So it's almost like Amber Alert when you get in an Amber alert. Right.

[Shane Topp]

But it's. It's for fires.

[Amanda]

But someone clicked.

[Shane Topp]

All of LA county, they were saying, it's a system, so it's not like a person was responsible for it. I definitely was imagining someone somewhere in some office being like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Amanda]

And then they were like.

[Shane Topp]

And then they turned another alert, literally saying, my bad.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

They sent another alert, like, 10 minutes later being like, I'm so sorry.

[Amanda]

Oh, he, like, typed it out. He's like, my bad. Ooh. A woman opens the door. She's like, richard, did you just hit that? He's like, no, no.

[Shane Topp]

And it was after we got the alert that was like, my bad. I definitely turned to. Courtney, was like, it'll unfortunately be a little funny if we get another alert that's like, okay, but this one's now serious.

[Amanda]

But it wasn't.

[Shane Topp]

We didn't get. I didn't get any.

[Amanda]

And the alert was really bad. It was saying all of L. A County had to evacuate.

[Shane Topp]

I know, I know. Which is. Which is 10 million people, by the way. That would have been my bad. In a mass migration that we've never seen before. It was.

[Amanda]

But. But I feel like people were kind of like, wait a second.

[Shane Topp]

No, people were. People were skeptical. I. I definitely was like. I looked at the app. I was like. And I.

[Amanda]

You looked at the app?

[Shane Topp]

I also looked outside. I'd be like, I'm not seeing anything. I know. I can't really judge based on that, but.

[Amanda]

Yeah, you can't. Because when I looked outside, my. The air above my apartment building was black.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

So I was like, huh.

[Shane Topp]

No, it looked. It looked like hell.

[Amanda]

We left because the air quality was so bad. And we got a couple warnings, but we left. And then people were like, you know, they were just like, you never know. You never know.

[Shane Topp]

And I'm like, yeah, no, I definitely stayed inside for the most part. There was a day where I had to run an errand, and I. It wasn't too bad in my area, and I was wearing a mask, but I definitely felt it. I. By the time I got home, I was like, oh, my head hurts a little bit.

[Amanda]

Headaches.

[Shane Topp]

And I'm like, this is just smoke. This is, like building smoke. Immediate headaches and stuff. It's awful. And it's certainly, you know, it's certainly a little weird. I knew we were like, okay, but we're gonna have to go back and do what we do.

[Amanda]

Yep.

[Shane Topp]

I'm like, okay. But the way I kind of saw it was, you know, we are here to make people laugh. We're here to help you relax, chill vibe out. And we've probably been. There's so many of our listeners who have probably lived through so much worse catastrophes, and we've been there to make them laugh during that. So I'm like, we're going to do that when we're in the middle of a crazy.

[Amanda]

And now we are.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, we're very fortunate. Everyone. I mean, I think everyone here at Smosh was very lucky, which, you know, it was a roll of the dice for pretty much everyone in la. Yep. So with that, we're going to get into what we.

[Amanda]

So with that, we're going to get into. We're going to add a little bit of normalcy back to what's going on. We're going to get into something a little fun.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Which I think is very good. Even in times like this, which is.

[Shane Topp]

I mean. I mean, honestly, I. I almost understood, like, it kind of almost put in perspective what we do a little bit. Because, like, during some of those nights, you are kind of like, oh, I just want to listen to something chill.

[Amanda]

Yes. See, I'm the opposite. During those nights, I want to watch, like, crime occur on documentaries.

[Shane Topp]

Wow. These fires are really bad. I should watch someone get murdered.

[Amanda]

I want to watch, like, assassins.

[Shane Topp]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Like, I binged all. What? No, I know, I know it's wrong. I binged all of the day at the Day of the Jackal, which someone told me to watch. I don't know if you've seen it. Eddie Redmayne, he's an assassin and he's a mimic. Is pretty cool.

[Shane Topp]

Is this where. Okay, I saw this clip where he's like tying a rope to a rifle and a tree. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I saw that clip on the Internet for.

[Amanda]

Somebody show that clip.

[Shane Topp]

I don't know. That's because it's a small. Because it's a. It's a. It's a remake of another movie. And so they're showing how the old movie had the exact shackle. It's. Yeah, just. They were showing that.

[Amanda]

Well, anyways, okay, I binge that. Excellent. And then I read a book about a female assassin.

[Shane Topp]

What's that book called? You forgot the name?

[Amanda]

Wait, hold on. I just started it. It doesn't matter. I can't think of it.

[Shane Topp]

Okay, wow. We'll think about it.

[Amanda]

It's been a. So how did I forget? Whatever.

[Shane Topp]

Speaking of books.

[Amanda]

Come up in 10 minutes.

[Shane Topp]

Speaking of books. That's what I was doing because it was so weird. You're at home. There's. You can't. Can't go outside. It's just weird. You're just like this. Everything's tense. I have read so many books this year. I'm on. I'm on a roll. No, but I'm on a roll. Unlike last year. So I have a goal this year. I have a goal this year. A lot of love reading goals. Book talk goes hard, though. Which TikTok. I don't know if it's still around as of this episode being aired, but.

[Amanda]

Crazy.

[Shane Topp]

A lot of people do like 100 books a year, and I've never done that. My goal is 50 books.

[Amanda]

Do they ever talk to people or I.

[Shane Topp]

Some people read fast. I'm trying to read 50 books this year.

[Amanda]

Whoa, slow down, Captain.

[Shane Topp]

But get this. We're recording this on the 14th. I've already read five books. I'm on a roll.

[Amanda]

Riddle me this. How did you read five books in 14 days?

[Shane Topp]

I've just been reading so much.

[Amanda]

Dude. How did you read five books in 15 days?

[Shane Topp]

I've just been reading a lot.

[Amanda]

I don't believe that's just.

[Shane Topp]

I. I also have been.

[Amanda]

Receipts.

[Shane Topp]

I've. For some reason, I've been waking up at like 5am lately.

[Amanda]

I love. I do love that.

[Shane Topp]

I can't. I don't know why I wake up at 5am Time to go to bed. 10 to 11.

[Amanda]

Are you wild? That's barely enough sleep.

[Shane Topp]

No, it's talking about 10. 10 to 5 is 7 hours.

[Amanda]

What? Well, as a female, we need 8 plus, and everyone knows this, so it's crazy that you're doing that. Good for you.

[Shane Topp]

So I wake up at Five. And then I'm like, okay, I'll read for like an hour or two, depending on like.

[Amanda]

And no one's awake.

[Shane Topp]

And I'm just chilling there with like. I got like a lamp that's got a very, like, kind of dim light on it. So I chill. It's still dark. I'm like, I'm gonna read a book. My cat will like, kind of chill there with me.

[Amanda]

Like a Christmas Carol.

[Shane Topp]

So I've been just. I've just been on fire. And yeah, I've read a bunch of books. They're friggin.

[Amanda]

What are the books that you've read?

[Shane Topp]

Okay, so I read the Buried Giant by Ishiguro is his last name. He wrote Never Let Me Go, which is awesome. And another book I love called Claire and the Sun. This was like a very, like King Arthur's Court type of tale.

[Amanda]

Love.

[Shane Topp]

Very interesting. I read a book called James by Percival Everett, which might be my favorite so far.

[Amanda]

It's James.

[Shane Topp]

It's called James. It's a retelling of Huckleberry Finn from Jim's perspective.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Shane Topp]

And it is. It is hilarious.

[Amanda]

Oh, it's a comedy book.

[Shane Topp]

It's a dark comedy because, like, so Mark Twain, the way he wrote Jim is like very 1800s how a white guy would write, you know, and. But in this, they reveal that he is actually him and every other slave is code switching for white people. And that in secret, he's like a genius who's reading tons of books and is like super well spoken, but he can't do that in front of white people. Whoa. It is awesome. And it is so funny.

[Amanda]

How many pages are these books?

[Shane Topp]

Those are both around 300. I read another book called the Sword of Kaigen, which is a very big book on booktok. Interesting fantasy book. I don't know how to describe that one.

[Amanda]

Great.

[Shane Topp]

It's got a lot of elements of different types of things. And then I read a book called Nettle and Bone by T. Kingfisher. That book was awesome. That's very like, fairy tale type of book. And then I'm reading.

[Amanda]

Are you a library card member?

[Shane Topp]

I just.

[Amanda]

I'm just going, man, are you just Amazon ing these?

[Shane Topp]

I like to go to bookstores and buy these books. And then I. And then I like to give books away, like, or I'll drop them off at, like, someplace. And now I'm reading the Poppy War by RF Kuang, who's one of my favorite authors.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, dude, I'm on a roll.

[Amanda]

A cool level. Just shot to the roof, like, you're unbelievable. I'm over here. Just. What do I do?

[Shane Topp]

It's kind of all I've been interested in doing, though. Like, I don't. I think.

[Amanda]

Do you read at night?

[Shane Topp]

I kind of. If I get hooked on a book, I'm reading it whenever I can. But otherwise. Otherwise, morning and night, yeah.

[Amanda]

You're a good person to vacation with.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, dude. Yeah. I'm chill on vacation. I'm just chilling. Dude.

[Amanda]

Do you talk to anybody when you.

[Shane Topp]

No, I say, don't talk to me. Don't look at me, don't talk to me.

[Amanda]

Maybe I'd take that back. Maybe not the best person to vacation. No, I'm just kidding. I love people that, like, bring their own entertainment when they vacation, you know?

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

People are sitting there and they're like, so what are we doing today?

[Shane Topp]

I actually. I actually rarely read a book on vacation. I'll bring a book and I just end up not reading it.

[Amanda]

Why?

[Shane Topp]

I. I think I end up just doing stuff or talking to people. I. I do end up talking to people, so I don't. That's good too. I don't end up reading, but if.

[Amanda]

You'Re on a beach vacation, you would maybe.

[Shane Topp]

But I maybe would rather just go in the water or walk around, swim.

[Amanda]

In the water for hours or just time.

[Shane Topp]

Or sleep. Like, you know, I'm just like, experiencing. I'm taking it in.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Whereas when I'm home, I'm like, there with a book.

[Amanda]

It's nice. Yeah. Wow.

[Shane Topp]

Well, speaking of books and speaking of also going back, something that I did grab and put in my bag and the possibility of evacuation was my journal. Journals. We're here to read some journals.

[Amanda]

Very good segue.

[Shane Topp]

Thank you.

[Amanda]

That was. Even I was stunned.

[Shane Topp]

I probably could have segued better by just being like. And now journals and something else I.

[Amanda]

Have in my backpack.

[Shane Topp]

Something else that is also a thing.

[Amanda]

Journals.

[Shane Topp]

Something else that also exists in the world. My journals?

[Amanda]

No, but real talk. I have had a journal since I was a little girl. It was 101 Dalmatian with a lock and key on it. No one could see it. Duh. But I've kept a journal my whole life. Constantly. I constantly have a journal going and I always finish it. So I just got a brand new journal and I cracked it open yesterday.

[Shane Topp]

How long did it take you to finish your last journal?

[Amanda]

It was a really big one, so I would say a little less than a year.

[Shane Topp]

Damn.

[Amanda]

Usually. Usually my journals are per year.

[Shane Topp]

Okay. So can I show you something?

[Amanda]

Show me something.

[Shane Topp]

I showed this last year. So I have. I brought three things here. Whoa.

[Amanda]

That bottom journal looks like it's from Lord of the Rings.

[Shane Topp]

I read this. I read some of this last time.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Shane Topp]

This was my first ever journal. It's very. The pages are very, like.

[Amanda]

How old were you?

[Shane Topp]

I was 15 when I got this.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane Topp]

And as you can tell by, like, the COVID and everything, I really wanted to be deep.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I can see that.

[Shane Topp]

And I read some of the passages where I'm like, here's what I think about the universe.

[Amanda]

I remember this. It's almost like you wrote a journal knowing that someone was going to read it.

[Shane Topp]

That's my. My issue with a lot of my journals. Now. This took me a couple years to finish, and it's not dense. This journal is the second journal I got. I got this when I was, like, 19. And as of right now, I am, like, five pages left. And so I am actively trying to journal every day and finally finish this, but this is the first journal I got as an adult. So I've only had one journal for the past 15 years.

[Amanda]

It's just. Lucky you.

[Shane Topp]

Well, this is also. This is the thing that sucks about this journal, and I hate this journal.

[Amanda]

You can't open it fully. It keeps closing on you while you're trying to write.

[Shane Topp]

No, no, no. I mean. I mean about my entries and how it's been written.

[Amanda]

Oh, you judge your entries?

[Shane Topp]

Is that. I do. Is that oftentimes when interesting things are happening in my life, I don't journal. I forget, get around to it. And there are just massive gaps in here. There's years where I didn't write in this. That's why it's taken so long. And so it's missing a lot of, like, the biggest moments of my life. And so many journal entries are like, oh, man, I haven't written in this in forever. And I'm like. And so I'm constantly playing a game of keep up. And that's made it hard to, like, get to a place where I'm talking about my day, because I kind of always feel like, well, I need to kind of catch up with it. It fluctuates, too. There are definitely pages where I read it, and I go, oh, this was me doing, like, an affirmation post. Like, it's all over the place. It's not, like, consistent.

[Amanda]

No, I get that.

[Shane Topp]

And it's frustrating. And so I kind of am excited to get done with it and start a new one and be like, this is What? I'm gonna do this. This is the way I'm gonna do this. And I'm gonna stick to it relatively.

[Amanda]

I do get that.

[Shane Topp]

Actually.

[Amanda]

There are some journals that I'm like, where did I fall off on this one? I started a new thing as of last year, so you're gonna roll your eyes at this, but one of my favorite astrologers, Channing Nicholas. She's amazing.

[Shane Topp]

Channing Tatum.

[Amanda]

One of my favorite astrologers, Channing Tatum. He actually started astrology and step up. It was really cool.

[Shane Topp]

Astrologer, Magic Mike.

[Amanda]

Magic Mike, Yeah. He was reading people's astrology while he was stripping on them. No.

[Shane Topp]

So some people. That. That's probably a real person out there.

[Amanda]

She's. She's amazing. I've been following her for years and years and years. She made her own. It's like a journal calendar hybrid. So it's a thick book. It has your astrology chart in it. But every day has, like a. A. A long space with, like, not many journal prompts. I don't like journals that have a lot of prompts, but it'll. It'll, like, tell you about the moon and stuff like that, but it'll be, like, daily, and it makes me write daily. And get this. It's not many, many, many pages. So I just, like, write in the thing. And it is so nice because I'm actually kind of writing almost every day.

[Shane Topp]

I'm thinking about getting something like that. I would give you prompts. I think I need that.

[Amanda]

I think some people have prompts for me, prompts take up the free space. But I love something that holds me accountable. And it's not like an endless book that you're opening and you're like, dear diary. Cause I'm the same as you. Like, my brain goes faster than my hand, so I end up writing, like, scribble cursive.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. I was telling you before we started recording that I have far more written on computers. I have hundreds of pages of just free writing. Cause there I can just go. And I'm just going wild.

[Amanda]

You're a computer journalist.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. And I don't love that. I love handwritten stuff. I love the, like, look of journals and everything. But I. My hand posture is horrible. And handwriting. I'm just very slow. My handwriting sucks. I hate looking at it afterwards.

[Amanda]

Oh, shame.

[Shane Topp]

I can't help but judge it so hard.

[Amanda]

Don't. Here's the thing. You don't look back at your writing.

[Shane Topp]

I had to for this.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah. So did I, for sure.

[Shane Topp]

So we're going to read a bunch of these.

[Amanda]

Mine, I will say, I have so many journals, but they're all in storage. So mine are from similar entries that we read the last time, but they're different pages.

[Shane Topp]

Great. That's fine.

[Amanda]

And they are drama.

[Shane Topp]

But how many journals do you have in storage? Oh, so, you know, Dozens.

[Amanda]

Dozens. So there's like this plastic. You know the big plastic bin. Yeah, there's one filled.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, my God, that's so cool.

[Amanda]

And then I have a full drawer of journals.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, I. I always think about journals forever. I always think about how valuable that could be like, 100 years from now. Not even, like a family descendant, just anyone just being like, oh, my God. Like a bunch of journals from, like, how if I went to a bookstore and I found this old leather book, and they're like, yeah, this is a journal from someone in the 1800s.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Who's on a ship.

[Shane Topp]

I'm taking this.

[Amanda]

Yeah. I would read it immediately.

[Shane Topp]

Reading anything from that time. That's so.

[Amanda]

So this is like, such a random thing, but when I went to Ireland on vacation, we went to the Titanic museum in Belfast because that's where the Titanic was built. And they showed us people's journal entries and, like, writing and writing on the ship. What do you know now? Too soon.

[Selena]

So just.

[Shane Topp]

Just one journal entry. Just like, oh, oh, well.

[Amanda]

Well, here's. Here's the thing that's funny.

[Shane Topp]

I feel so good about this because is there liturgy?

[Amanda]

They had actual recordings of people because that's how they didn't hear the iceberg warning, because rich people were sending out telegrams, and there are actual voices of rich people being like, we have to get the children out. We're not doing well. And then another. The Titanic to the Californian tells them to shut up. They're like, shut up. Stop sending us ice warnings. Like, we need to get, like, stop sending us these warnings. Like, you're clogging up our system. But the Californian was sending them ice warnings. It says, shut up. No, I'm telling you, I learned so much. The Titanic museum. Was it three and a half hours long? Yes, it was.

[Shane Topp]

I can't believe the Titanic reference. Smosh.

[Amanda]

Oh, you're so dumb. I just got that. Shut up. Oh, my God.

[Shane Topp]

Sorry.

[Amanda]

That was a picture of Ian and Anthony, too. They were like.

[Shane Topp]

They're like, that's really genuinely. That's really good that you guys.

[Amanda]

Yeah, we're done.

[Shane Topp]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Okay. You're done. Just kidding.

[Shane Topp]

Do you want to go first? What? Did you just find it don't look at that. What?

[Amanda]

No.

[Shane Topp]

Okay, I won't look.

[Amanda]

We will not be looking at that.

[Shane Topp]

Fans are going to be speculating on what that was.

[Amanda]

I know. Of course they are. All it says is I love bubble, and it was three of my crushes, so don't worry, guys.

[Shane Topp]

Nice. That's awesome.

[Amanda]

Okay, I'll read this one. And y'all are going to think I am slutty. Okay, Everything's fine. Okay, I'll read this one. It's quick. I'm going to have to change some names. This is from 2003.

[Shane Topp]

Nice.

[Amanda]

Friday. You remember being obsessed with Friday? I was Friday. Hey. My B day was wicked fun. I didn't really get a lot of presents, but whatever. Written as W E. Whatever. Tomorrow I'm going to New Hampshire to see Auntie Carolyn and tubing and skiing for Caroline's 13th birthday. The past two nights, people in my grades had parties. Marky's was Wednesday. I hooked up with Doug just because I wanted to. He was like. He was like, two more minutes. I was like, how about 10 more seconds? Ha ha ha. Independent woman right here.

[Shane Topp]

Nice. Nice.

[Amanda]

I wrote that. Then John's. He was, like, grinding with me while I was standing still. Ew, gross.

[Shane Topp]

Gross.

[Amanda]

I'm changing all these names, by the way. These are not their real names. I talked to Joe, like, the whole time. He's really sweet guy. Anyways, it was wicked fun.

[Shane Topp]

Wicked fun.

[Amanda]

Amy connected with Mark, but she's got to understand, has to see for herself that Lindsay and him will not last. Well, G2G me hungry. I like Mike. Not really. Just that he's kind of great. I also like John. Hopeless case. I like Matt. Pointless. It boggles my mind. There is nobody in life that I could spend the rest of my life with.

[Shane Topp]

I just.

[Amanda]

I just don't get it. Like, it's pissing me off. God, send me an angel. Amen.

[Shane Topp]

Holy shit.

[Amanda]

End of entry.

[Shane Topp]

I also like this guy Pointless. And I like this guy Dead Case.

[Amanda]

I'm pretty proud of myself that it was like two more minutes. How about 10 more seconds?

[Shane Topp]

How about two more seconds? Independent woman right here.

[Amanda]

No, that's definitely who I was. I was like, please.

[Shane Topp]

That's so funny. That was wicked fun. Having a wicked good time.

[Amanda]

Oh, I said wicked all the time.

[Shane Topp]

I'm sure you were in Boston.

[Amanda]

Wicked.

[Shane Topp]

Okay, so that was the end of that one. You said, gotta go.

[Amanda]

That was. Oh, once I. Once I say G2G, I'm out of that journal entry.

[Shane Topp]

You did G2G?

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. GTG.

[Amanda]

GTG. Never. I would never touch that shit. It's always got to go.

[Shane Topp]

I never saw TG. I didn't see G2G.

[Amanda]

Too much to G. Yeah, every makes sense.

[Shane Topp]

I don't. I didn't see it that often. Saw gt. Are you from Arizona? We would send a cactus to each other.

[Amanda]

No, you didn't know. That's cute. I would love it if you did, though. You're like, hey, what's up, cactus Friday? Okay, your turn.

[Shane Topp]

All right, I've got. So I. I didn't read this last time and I found this. And I was like, well, I should read this. So this is from 2007. So this is September 17th. I wrote journal entry September 17th. Like you wouldn't know it's a journal.

[Amanda]

I think you thought this was going to be, like, dug up in an archaeology site and people are going to like, oh my.

[Shane Topp]

I was definitely thinking like, yes, yes.

[Amanda]

They will find the Shane Topp journal.

[Shane Topp]

Natural. Hugo Wells here. Jules verne type. Okay, September 17th. I auditioned for a show called icarly a while back. God, but okay. I auditioned for a show called iCarly a while back, but never heard anything. Last Friday. Friday, my manager called saying I'd been called to producers for a different role on iCarly. A preppy, upscale private school boy. I had a great time auditioning and that's all I care about. I know something big is on the way, though. Maybe it's making it big in acting or maybe it's something else. Who knows? I'm just going with the flow.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Shane Topp]

September 22nd.

[Amanda]

Oh, shoot.

[Shane Topp]

Few days later, journal entry, September 22nd.

[Amanda]

Ah, very good.

[Shane Topp]

Yesterday, my mom got a call from my agent. Suddenly she turned around with two thumbs up in the air. Her face was full of excitement. I had booked the icarly audition. I was going to be a guest star on the show. Looks like something big was on its way. It was pretty. And you know, it was a journal entry. September 23rd.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. Thank God you're labeling these.

[Shane Topp]

Tomorrow is the start of my big week. It will be strange walking into Nikon sunset and not just standing in the main lobby, but actually going back onto the set. This is going to be very exciting. September 24th.

[Amanda]

You. You're really giving us just the stark details. And I love it. Very good.

[Shane Topp]

Most 16 year old boys don't have journals, so give me credit.

[Amanda]

No, you're killing it. Kill it.

[Shane Topp]

Okay. September 24th. Woke up and drove to Nikon Sunset. We showed up early, so we walked down to the Rite Aid we always would go to before I would audition. I walked into the set and met up with the teacher A and then a dark haired girl walked in. She had brown eyes. Miranda, this is Shane. She looked towards me with a smile and shook my hand. Nice to meet you, she said. Nice to meet you too, I said with a dash of nervousness. I met two other members of the show within the next five minutes. A kid named Noah. He was very nice and outgoing for an 11 year old. And Jeanette, a blonde haired girl. All of them were much nicer than I expected. We spent the next five hours in that same room doing schoolwork. Jeanette left to work on school with her mom and Noah did so as well. Our teacher Patty pulled out the guinea pig they had in the room. Miranda and I sat there petting him for about 20 minutes. I realized how over exaggerated celebrities and people on TV are. They're normal human beings. Miranda and I talked about normal things. Things everyone talks about. The guinea pig's name was Tripod due to his one missing leg. I cracked a joke saying he lost it in Vietnam. I felt as if.

[Amanda]

You'Re 16 writing this. Yeah, like a grown ass man.

[Shane Topp]

I know.

[Amanda]

A dash of nervousness. Thank God.

[Shane Topp]

I felt as if I was fitting in well. Of course we haven't done any acting at all. Since the writers are working on the script. Maybe they are adding me more lines.

[Amanda]

Ooh, wishful thinking.

[Shane Topp]

September 25th today was awful. And I can blame my damn nerves. I arrived on set at 7:30am So I had to wake up at 6. I was tired and not at all at my full potential. I went down for the table read. Little problem. I have no clue what a table read is. So I sat down with all the actors, writers, director and all the people. My lines had changed. I was still guest star, but it still threw me off. Suddenly they said they would begin. Miranda burst out into the first lines. Since she had the first lines in the script. Duh. I just went along with it as best I could. I only stumbled over about two to three lines so I didn't make a complete fool of my myself. We went back to school for the next two hours. Then it was time for rehearsals. I felt viciously mediocre and I couldn't suppress my nerves. After that, back to school for another hour. Then time for run through. Of course my big scene is the very first in the episode. Oh my God. I was nervous. Everyone was there watching. I felt awful. After that my mom and I went directly home.

[Amanda]

Who Are you? You're so, like, eloquently spoken and you're like, damn these nerves.

[Shane Topp]

God damn my nerves.

[Amanda]

Damn these nerves.

[Shane Topp]

I blew it.

[Amanda]

Miranda burst out. Of course. You're the first line. Duh.

[Shane Topp]

I realize celebrities are normal people.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Tripod. I made a joke about Vietnam.

[Shane Topp]

I'm 16 years old.

[Amanda]

Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Athletic Brew and Company. Shane, are you ready for Athletic January?

[Shane Topp]

What's that?

[Amanda]

It is when you're feeling a little bit sober, curious, and you set a New Year's resolution to drink a little bit less. And to help us out, we have Athletic Brewing Co. Non alcoholic brews with us, which I've actually tried, and I think that you have. They are so good.

[Shane Topp]

Amanda. I am a huge fan of this company. I have been drinking these for so long. I've in fact had every single one of these flavors that we have here. Whoa. The hazy ipa, the light, the golden, the other IPA there. They're all so delicious. I particularly like them after a workout because they're refreshing and it's just. I. I love it. And. And it's. It's. It feels good.

[Amanda]

That's a hot take right there.

[Shane Topp]

But I'm. I'm such a fan of these. The flavors are incredible, and I've even tried a bunch of flavors that they don't have here. A bunch of the different brews.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah. They also have some winter beers. They have, like, Belgian style IPAs, which I'm really into.

[Shane Topp]

What I usually do is I order their variety packs online and there will often be, like, a mix of these plus a mystery one that'll come. I got one that was this, like, spicy one once. It was really interesting. Yeah, they've got a bunch of different ones that they're always bringing out. I. I love it.

[Amanda]

I really need to try more of these. There's nothing dry about Athletic Brewing Co. Non alcoholic brews. Give it a try and head to athleticbrewing.com smoshmouth to find it near you. That's athleticbrewing.com s m o s h m o u T h To grab some fun and flavored brews near you. Athletic Brewing Company fit for all times. Near beer. That's athleticbrewing.com s m o s h m o u t h to grab some fun and flavorful brews near you. Athletic Brewing Co. Fit for all times. Near beer. Back to the show.

[Shane Topp]

Back to the show. Okay. September 26th, journal entry.

[Amanda]

Or did you just stop?

[Shane Topp]

There's journal entry in front of all these.

[Amanda]

Oh, well, I need that.

[Shane Topp]

As if I'm. As if I'm like on an expedition in. Our submarine has crashed.

[Amanda]

I think that's what you thought.

[Shane Topp]

I definitely did.

[Amanda]

No journal entry.

[Shane Topp]

This is when I'm like, I'm 16. Like I'm getting. You're aware I'm really into reading, but I'm like only reading classics.

[Amanda]

Oh, course.

[Shane Topp]

I'm like, I'm. I'm definitely dick before bed. I'm reading A Thousand Leagues under the sea. Okay. September 26th, 2007.

[Amanda]

Ooh.

[Shane Topp]

I woke up this morning and realized I had a choice. This could either be a good day or a bad day. And I'm going with good. We arrived on set at 9:30, went straight to school. I didn't feel as nervous today and I was ready to rock them at rehearsals.

[Amanda]

Oh.

[Shane Topp]

Once rehearsals came, I went to set. I did great. So much better than yesterday. When run through came, I was ready and willing. I rocked once again. Several people came up to tell me, great job. Afterwards, I felt great. I won't be shooting tomorrow though, but on Friday I will. Friday.

[Amanda]

Friday. You rocked twice.

[Shane Topp]

And I rocked twice. Dude.

[Amanda]

My God.

[Shane Topp]

August 20th. September 28th. Yeah, I wrote August, but it's September 20th. I didn't go back. Whoa.

[Amanda]

You actually messed up.

[Shane Topp]

I found a time machine and I went back in time.

[Amanda]

You didn't change that.

[Shane Topp]

I know. I'm surprised too. Okay. September 28th. Yesterday there was no filming for me, so I had a nice relaxed day. Today though, was filming. The day went as usual until it was my time to my scene. There was tons of extras. Since it was a school hallway scene. I stood out with my preppy clothing. I walked up to Miranda and started the scene. Carly Shea from icarly, right? Yeah, hi. She replied. Philip Brownlee. I'm a junior over at Briwood Prep. I wrote out the whole scene.

[Amanda]

I'm, I'm, I'm.

[Shane Topp]

I wrote out the whole goddamn scene for some reason.

[Amanda]

Well, maybe that's going to help you memorize it.

[Shane Topp]

She goes. Oh, cool. Looks. She looks at her shirt, which is covered in water. Oh, the water fountain sprayed me. Ah. I didn't want you to think I was sweaty or drooly. Haha. You're even funnier in person. Listen, changing from laughing to serious. I'm the student council president at Briarwood. Oh, fancy. You know we're the number one private school in, in Seattle. The scene kept going for another two pages. I went. It went very smoothly in two takes. Miranda tried to put on her hoodie and Put it on backwards. She got very embarrassed, but I found it very funny. After the scene was done, I said goodbye to everybody. Jeanette and Miranda gave me their AIM Screen names love aim, so it wasn't going to be goodbye forever. As I was heading out, I stopped by the green room. To my surprise, Josh Peck was standing there. It was only me and him in the room. Hey, I said flatly. Hi, Josh. He greeted me. Shane. I greeted back. So you like doing this? Oh, yeah. I love this whole environment and everything. Cool, dude. Very cool. He had to go after that.

[Amanda]

Wow.

[Shane Topp]

But it was still a cool encounter. After we left set, I went home and slept. It was time for another chapter, for something else to start.

[Amanda]

Holy.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, I completely forgot about the Josh Peck thing.

[Amanda]

Hey, very cool dude.

[Shane Topp]

Looking at that, like, hey, nice to meet you. Yeah, man. So you like doing this? Yeah, yeah.

[Amanda]

Very cool. It's kind of.

[Shane Topp]

He wrote in his journal. He's like some idiot.

[Amanda]

Idiot. It's kind of wild that you wrote out your whole.

[Shane Topp]

I forgot. I did.

[Amanda]

I kind of like. I. You were like a pretty good writer, you know, you're writing out everything.

[Shane Topp]

Thanks.

[Amanda]

You're so welcome. And I mean that.

[Shane Topp]

Okay.

[Amanda]

I mean that. Truly.

[Shane Topp]

Okay. Thank you.

[Amanda]

And how cool is that? That you got to, like, see what you were really feeling on icarly?

[Shane Topp]

Well, I remember that. No, I. I frankly sucked so bad. The first rehearsals that week, I bombed. Like, I was so nervous. I, like, struggled with. I know. It was my first. And it was like a big deal. I knew it was going to be a big show.

[Amanda]

Why? How did you know?

[Shane Topp]

Cuz the. So it's interesting, especially back then with when Disney Channel and Nickelodeon were both kind of in a different era. I remember when the first auditions for Hannah Montana came out and literally casting directors were like, this is going to be the biggest show on television. And they were telling you this, and it was like, this is going to be huge.

[Amanda]

Is it because of. They just kind of know Miley's dad or.

[Shane Topp]

I think they just know, like, when scripts come out, like producers in Hollywood just goes, this is gonna be big. And they called it and it was huge. And then icarly was kind of the same. They're like, this is gonna be a huge show. And I don't think it had started airing yet. Maybe it had started, but this was the first season that I was on it.

[Amanda]

So much pressure.

[Shane Topp]

So it was massive. But it was also my first job. Right. So I was just.

[Amanda]

Huge first job.

[Shane Topp]

I was just like, oh, my God. And I had Done small things before this, but this was the, like, oh, this is a big deal. And it's on this big set on Sunset Boulevard. It was all the stereotypical stuff. And, you know, it just. I had to kind of fail in order to be like, oh, I'm gonna be nervous no matter what. I need to find the way to have fun.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Cause I'm like, why am I doing this?

[Amanda]

Right.

[Shane Topp]

Not having fun.

[Amanda]

Exactly.

[Shane Topp]

Go back home.

[Amanda]

Exactly. You're a smart little kid. Well, back to my bullshit.

[Shane Topp]

No, but I get frustrated that I. I know. I can tell that I'm, like, constricting. Like, I'm not writing my genuine. I want it kind of. I know. I wish I could kind of know what was really going on, but to be completely honest, I didn't know what was going on in my head for most of my life.

[Amanda]

I think. I think a kid that age who is on camera has already gotten, like, the aware bug, you know, like when they're aware of how they're talking and performing.

[Shane Topp]

I felt so perceived.

[Amanda]

Exactly.

[Shane Topp]

So the time.

[Amanda]

So that. That makes sense. You would journal like that. Whereas, like, you know, I wasn't freaking on tv. So, like, I'm like, not a soul is ever going to read this.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And.

[Shane Topp]

And there's. And later on, I'm not going to read these. But you can tell there's, like, pages upon pages in journals later, when I'm in my, like, early 20s, where I'm writing about how I'm writing in a way that I think someone's gonna like reading it.

[Amanda]

Yep.

[Shane Topp]

And I'm like, who the is reading this? I'm like, what does it matter?

[Amanda]

That just shows me where your head was at. You were just, like, constantly being perceived all the time, literally.

[Shane Topp]

I'm writing about that. Yeah, you can. I. You can read me writing about how I'm like, why do I care about who might.

[Amanda]

That's crazy.

[Shane Topp]

I know, but.

[Amanda]

No, no, it's. It's not crazy. It's. It's. What I'm saying is, like, it's so cool to look back and go, oh, my God, I know what I'm doing. I know what I was doing here.

[Shane Topp]

It's especially eerie reading that type of stuff and knowing that that's how I was thinking. That's 2007. That's before social media, right?

[Amanda]

Yep.

[Shane Topp]

And I'm like, here I am struggling with the feeling of being perceived, and now in 2025, now more than ever, for the past, like, few years.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Everyone is dealing with the Feeling of being perceived more than ever in human history now it's more, like, prevalent. Yeah, but I was feeling it back then.

[Amanda]

You're feeling it back.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, but I was in the industry, and now the thing I say is everyone's in the entertainment industry. If you have.

[Amanda]

If you have TikTok, if you have social media, you are.

[Shane Topp]

If you have a public social media platform, you're in the entertainment industry.

[Amanda]

You are being perceived. You hear that? You read the comments?

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

You change certain parts of yourself to, like, match the comments.

[Shane Topp]

Right.

[Amanda]

But I'm hoping that there's, like a redo, a refresh.

[Shane Topp]

Things will morph. They morph well.

[Amanda]

Okay. 10, 15, 2002. This is really important. I love Romeo and Juliet. Exclamation mark. Leonardo DiCaprio is so hot in that movie. It's so dramatic. It's all about two people who love each other. They would die for one another towards the ending. One takes a pill and everyone thinks she died. So Romeo goes, takes a pill and dies. Juliet wakes up and kiss herself in the thought of not being able to live with. Oh, shoots herself. Sorry, not kiss. Shoots herself in the thought of not being able to live without Romeo. It was hard to see each other before death because of the parents not liking Romeo. It made it difficult to live together. God, I want to be in that movie. I love Tuck Everlasting too. Jesse Jackson was so hot. You know, Romeo and Juliet helps our daily life. Romeo and Juliet helps our daily life. It's so sad. But the point is to stop the family feud. After the suicide, both fathers shake, shake hands in a sign of. All right, we're okay. See ya. I'm excited to watch it again, but reading will be hard.

[Shane Topp]

Bye. Reading will be hard on the count that I can't read.

[Amanda]

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, yeah, today's messy. It's raining and pouring like the old man is snoring. Went to bed, bumped his head and didn't wake up in the morning.

[Shane Topp]

You wrote out the whole saying.

[Amanda]

Stupid poem. Basically about concussions. What the hell? Or he could have been on drugs, something weird like that. Hi. Hi. Hi.

[Shane Topp]

You're going more in on that than Romeo and Juliet?

[Amanda]

Hi, hi, hi, ho hum. Hi, ho ho. It's off to work we go.

[Shane Topp]

La la la la la la la.

[Amanda]

God, I love Matt. Even though he's a druggie. Can't stop thinking about it. Hard, hard, hard, hard, hard.

[Shane Topp]

That's awesome. No, you know why that's so much better than mine is because you actually get to see into Your mind. That's how your thoughts were coming out. That's a look at a real brain. You don't need MRI scans when you got that.

[Amanda]

Yeah, like an old poem is in my head. Romeo and Juliet. And then I'm like, God, I love this guy, but he's a druggie.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, man, it's soaring. But a pimped. His head didn't get up in the morning. Ha ha. I love Matt.

[Amanda]

He's a druggie. Whatever.

[Shane Topp]

He's a druggie. I don't care. Romeo and Juliet's my favorite movie and here's why. I can help everyone.

[Amanda]

That's how. That's how I journaled that.

[Shane Topp]

I love how. I love how you just. Just go into the ending of Romeo and Juliet. For anyone who doesn't know the ending, I'm like.

[Amanda]

And then suicide. I mean, I knew a lot of stuff. I was like, suicide, drugs.

[Shane Topp]

Oh yeah.

[Amanda]

Conscious.

[Shane Topp]

Like when you're a teenager. It's like, those are.

[Amanda]

God, the Family Feud.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, man. Well, that is what that story is about when you think about it.

[Amanda]

Okay, here's another one. It's quick.

[Shane Topp]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Just as dumb as the other one. 5 12, 2003. DD was so much fun. Which is DD? Either Dunkin Donuts or the Driving school, but I think it's Dunkin Donuts. Dunkin Donuts was so much fun. I thought I forgot my camera, but Jenny had it. Woohoo. I'm so happy. Okay. Amy likes John, her boyfriend. Okay. Anyways, I'm in a good mood. I have my. I have my first day on the job today. Hahaha. Scared. Well, anyways, I think I'm going to put my camera in cvs, then pick it up on the way home. Hopefully one hour photo, baby. Yeah. And then I put in quotes. Take my Strong hand from Scary Movie. Correct.

[Shane Topp]

Oh my God.

[Amanda]

Take my strong hand. Haha. In a laughy mood. Blah. I like Jess. She's awesome. But it's so obvious that she likes Mike. Whatever. It's all good. I don't like him like that. Okay. All my pictures look like I'm a fat chick. It's literally terrible. I feel kind of fat lately. I think it's because of my huge annoying boobs. Love, Amanda. Oh God, I. I don't understand.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, I think, I think that's all completely.

[Amanda]

No, this is 100% like. And it was 2003, so everyone said fat all the time. They're like, God, I'm so fat right now. And they're like, we're like unfortunate we're teens.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

God, that's so funny. I love it. Just, like, it's so obvious. She's into Matt. Whatever. I don't care. I don't like him like that.

[Amanda]

No, I know.

[Shane Topp]

I was.

[Amanda]

You definitely, like, my whole life was like that. Like, the relationships between people, when they'd always get together and not get together. Like, I was so involved. God, I was so involved.

[Shane Topp]

So funny.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Do you.

[Amanda]

That's what you miss.

[Shane Topp]

Obviously you're not going to read any journal entries from, like, recent years. Are they at all similar? Like, I don't mean obviously they're not like that, but are they similar in, like, how you do. Do you still do stream of consciousness?

[Amanda]

Yes. Yes.

[Shane Topp]

So it can kind of be all over the place.

[Amanda]

Yes. Sometimes I. I actually did, like, go back on my recent journals, and they're like. They're pretty intense and. And the connections I'm making in my head, I'm like, damn, that's intense. Like, they're more sad at times.

[Shane Topp]

Sure.

[Amanda]

But they're 100 stream of conscious.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

They're like, I wonder what. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, and also, blah, blah, blah. Said this thing and I remember that. And I was thinking, and sometimes I'll go on a long tangent and get to, like, a place of understanding. Some of my journals have letters in it written to people that I'll never give to them.

[Shane Topp]

That's.

[Amanda]

That happens a lot. So I.

[Shane Topp]

A lot of people, like, their journal is, like, written to someone. Right. Like, that's like, a popular thing that people do.

[Amanda]

Yeah, but it's definitely. It's. I definitely still write the same way.

[Shane Topp]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Like, stream of conscious. Like, I'll always put at the top the main thing that's happening.

[Shane Topp]

Got it. Okay, that's cool. And like, see, I put journal entry.

[Amanda]

And see, I love that.

[Shane Topp]

So that people know I like that you got.

[Amanda]

Do you got. What else you got?

[Shane Topp]

Okay, let me see what else? I marked some other things because you're.

[Amanda]

Not going to learn much from these journals about me. Actually, you're kind of learning a lot.

[Shane Topp]

I. The problem is so much of my journals are me trying to sound smart or cool.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Okay. I actually, this is. This is me. This is me being deep as hell. Okay. But I liked this one. Okay, Here we go.

[Amanda]

What year are we in?

[Shane Topp]

2011.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane Topp]

So I'm like, 1920.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane Topp]

When we walk, we aren't walking. We're falling and catching ourselves. To think that one of the first things we learn to do in life might be a representation of life itself. We move forward by falling and catching ourselves. Pretty cool. Whoa. Pretty cool.

[Amanda]

That just kind of blew up my.

[Shane Topp]

I like that when we walk, we're.

[Amanda]

Actually falling and catching ourselves.

[Shane Topp]

Pretty cool.

[Amanda]

And that's it.

[Shane Topp]

And that's it. Okay. I have one other. I have one other that I found because, mind you, this is the one that's like. This is my only one. So this goes up till yesterday. This goes up to this morning when I wrote in it. So check this one out. This is trippy because this was a time when I was writing a lot, so.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane Topp]

I was just, like. This past week had me looking back on this being like, this is weird to read. The mayor of LA said we might be on lockdown for two months, maybe more. I wonder if anything will be normal ever again. I wonder when I'll forget about all this and be with a crowd and not think. This is a weird feeling. Days seem a lot longer from inside. I feel stupid whenever I get worried and guilty whenever I'm not. I'm. In so many ways, this whole thing still doesn't feel real. So much is still the same. The sun is still out, the birds are still singing, dogs barking, people talking from within their homes. It doesn't look like a pandemic when you put your phone down. Whoa, how trippy.

[Amanda]

Wait a second. What year was that?

[Shane Topp]

That was March of 2020. Yeah, that was. Right?

[Amanda]

It doesn't look like a pandemic when you put your phone down. That's so true.

[Shane Topp]

I read that. I was like, oh, God. And like, that's the thing. Those were. There's a couple moments when I'm reading my journal where I'm like, oh, I wasn't trying to sound like anything there.

[Amanda]

No, you were, actually.

[Shane Topp]

And then it ends up, like, being way more.

[Amanda]

Way more profound.

[Shane Topp]

But it's weird where I was like, oh, I had no idea. Like, I was. I was saying, will this ever be normal again? No. But it was definitely trippy. And I wrote during that time. I was writing almost every day because, like, I had nothing to do.

[Amanda]

See, that's. And that's the best. Because that's. To me, when you're writing, like, that stream of conscious, like, you come out and then you're like, oh, you start to, like, make. And then you go back.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

I'm gonna read one last one of mine, and it's probably my most. Let's say, profound one in this.

[Shane Topp]

Okay. After you read that, we've got a guest.

[Amanda]

Oh, my freaking God. Yeah, we do. Okay. 521 2003. Remember?

[Shane Topp]

Yes.

[Amanda]

Dude, what do you think makes a good parent?

[Shane Topp]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

And then after that, I go, sup, dog?

[Shane Topp]

Oh, I thought was so ready.

[Amanda]

You teed us up.

[Shane Topp]

You walked away.

[Amanda]

No, it's happening. I'm just getting my hellos out. I'm getting my greetings out. Okay. Sup, dog? Hahaha. I'm so hyper and happy. I was a really hyper kid. I was like, yeah, I. I can imagine. Okay. A good parent will give anything to make the child happy. The parent will sacrifice its life and give up things they like to do so that the child will get what they want. Loves to be with the child. Give it love. Roof over its head. I spelled roof as rough. Okay. Roof over its head, food on the table and clothes on their back. That's the truth. No spoiling. That's all you need. And maybe a couple of treats every so often. That's what a good parent is to me. Okay. So anyways, Mike called me and said he couldn't stop thinking about.

[Shane Topp]

Damn it.

[Amanda]

It's so confusing because with John, he's a really bad kisser. He kisses like a horse.

[Shane Topp]

Oh.

[Amanda]

And I. And I can't take it. He's sweet and everything, but that counts for a lot of reasons. You got to know how to kiss, you know? Geez. Okay, so anyways, I really actually want to date Hopscotch for real. Hopscotch is a code name, and I can't remember who it is.

[Shane Topp]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

I really want to date Hopscotch for real.

[Shane Topp]

So you were writing tons of names down there.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

But there was one guy that you gave.

[Amanda]

All the names that I've given. You guys are fake.

[Shane Topp]

Are fake. Writing real names in the book. And then you.

[Amanda]

This one is an actual code name. And I. And I am. And I can't even remember who it is.

[Shane Topp]

Interesting.

[Amanda]

He makes me laugh. And I don't know by.

[Shane Topp]

Wow. Do you think you wrote Hopscotch because it was a guy you were kind of embarrassed to like?

[Amanda]

I think so.

[Shane Topp]

Wow.

[Amanda]

I have a feeling it's one of the guys who was, like, really rich in my town that, like, it was kind of like, you don't. Don't like him. Like he's dating like.

[Shane Topp]

Like he's not. That's not gonna happen.

[Amanda]

He's dating, like, the rich girl like I always dated. Kind of like the long jean shorts who like dirt bikers. That's what I liked. I always dated Fred Durst.

[Shane Topp]

That's hilarious.

[Amanda]

So that was my most insightful one in 2003.

[Shane Topp]

Wow.

[Amanda]

But trust me, they get really insightful.

[Shane Topp]

I can't imagine. See, that's not fair. We're reading ones from when I'm, like, 20, and also ones from when I.

[Amanda]

Would have brought older ones, but I was like, nah, I just don't have much.

[Shane Topp]

This is all I got.

[Amanda]

Stick with these.

[Shane Topp]

I. I have. Maybe next time we do this, if we ever do this again. I have a dream. I have a dream journal that I only have, like, the first two pages because I never dream.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane Topp]

So I have, like, a couple of.

[Amanda]

Dreams, and I got my dream journal, and good night.

[Shane Topp]

I truly have, like, a couple dreams because that's all I have.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Topp]

I never dream. I don't remember them. But we have a guest.

[Amanda]

We have a guest.

[Shane Topp]

We have someone who journals better than both of us combined.

[Amanda]

100%.

[Shane Topp]

This person's journals are unbelievable.

[Amanda]

They're gorgeous.

[Shane Topp]

Come on in, ladies and gentlemen. Selena.

[Amanda]

Selena.

[Shane Topp]

Selena's here. Hi, Selena.

[Selena]

Hi. That is too much to live up to.

[Amanda]

I don't know if you handwriting is unbelievable.

[Shane Topp]

Okay. No. Can you show a page? The camera.

[Selena]

My. This was my pride and joy. Hold on. Just, like, blocks of text.

[Shane Topp]

Look at that. Look at that. But, like, it's the best handwriting I've ever seen in my life.

[Selena]

Also, I.

[Shane Topp]

Look at this.

[Selena]

I bullet journaled for, like, a while.

[Amanda]

It is unbelievable. Thank you.

[Selena]

I do.

[Shane Topp]

This is what I wanted my journals to look like, but. So. By the way, that was in your handwriting?

[Selena]

Yes.

[Shane Topp]

Right.

[Amanda]

All over.

[Shane Topp]

This is.

[Selena]

This was.

[Shane Topp]

This was a blank notebook for those listening. It's unbelievable.

[Amanda]

It looks like something that you would buy at a really fancy, like, paper store.

[Shane Topp]

It looks like it's printed.

[Amanda]

Yeah, but it's not. It's all Selena.

[Selena]

Yeah. I got graded on my penmanship when I was a kid, so that's probably why.

[Amanda]

That's unbelievable.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Can you read us a little?

[Selena]

Sure. These were. These are journals. I didn't start journaling until I was a young adult. Slash, real adult. So these were from 2016 to 2020.

[Shane Topp]

Okay.

[Selena]

So this first one is. I found it, and it was really funny. And me, Selena, today titled it. I had to type it because I had to change some names and I didn't want to forget.

[Amanda]

Sure.

[Selena]

I titled it Selena's First Date from a dating app. Whoa.

[Shane Topp]

Yo.

[Amanda]

No journal entry. Just that.

[Selena]

I mean, that was the whole journal entry from that day. Like, I like.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Selena]

Okay. So from May to 2018. Okay. Today was wild. I had my first ever date from Tinder, no less. And it was Pretty good. I wasn't nervous about it, which was good. I recognized him as soon as he got off the bus. We hugged and started making our way to the restaurant. As we were walking there, our hands acted, accidentally grazed each other's, and he took hold of it. I was shook. When we got to the restaurant, he did it again. We held hands for basically the whole meal, and when we weren't, he put his feet on my stool and basically caressed my legs with his. After lunch, I proposed that we go back to my town to take a walk because it's nice out and so we can talk. We got there and managed to walk around a block before deeming it too hot. Deeming it too hot. As we were walking, he would have his arm around my shoulders or my waist. We had our first kiss when we were walking back to my car. It was at a busy intersection and I got embarrassed, so I pulled away. We were headed to the park to be alone and to sit somewhere. After some browsing, we finally found a bench. We sit, talk, kiss, and kiss some more. It was nice.

[Shane Topp]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Amanda]

This is first date.

[Selena]

First date.

[Amanda]

Damn. Damn, girl.

[Selena]

Then we head over to the poke place in town to get some bobo. We do the hand holding thing. It's just really nice to be PDA and affectionate. I drop him off at the train station and waited with him until his train came. We were nerdy and affectionate and we kissed goodbye. I'm incredibly smitten. It was a lot. Couldn't focus or sleep much that night. I couldn't wait to see him again. And then, Selena Today update. I saw him one more time, did it, and never saw him again.

[Shane Topp]

What?

[Amanda]

Let me just say he was. Did he put his feet on your stool?

[Selena]

Yes, he put.

[Amanda]

Damn. He was touchy from the get.

[Shane Topp]

You guys met up and just immediately held hands?

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

All through eating. Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

You're, like, holding my hands and you have a sandwich in the other.

[Selena]

Yeah. Imagine, like, sitting across from each other and just like, one hand holding.

[Amanda]

And then like, I can't even do that with my husband. I'd be like, give me back my hand. I gotta eat, bro.

[Shane Topp]

Wow.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Wait. Okay.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Hey.

[Amanda]

Hey. Hey. How are you?

[Selena]

So these, the way I dress. This is how my brain works. I have to compartmentalize everything. So each day is, like, categorized into, like, work, love, life, like, anything else that happened that day.

[Amanda]

They're organized. Yeah.

[Selena]

That's how my brain works.

[Amanda]

It's just. But that.

[Selena]

But yours is so fun.

[Amanda]

Like, like, it's. But my. My I was like younger. It's probably the same. You were younger.

[Selena]

I was a full blown adult at this point.

[Amanda]

So you're filling out a journal, clean and organized.

[Shane Topp]

Yours looks so cool. You're flipping through it earlier and like the amount of graphics you're doing all the time.

[Selena]

Thank you. I have to this. I was. I had a jacksepticeye phase.

[Shane Topp]

Nice.

[Amanda]

Love that.

[Selena]

Like seven years ago. Like his font.

[Amanda]

Dude. Oh, my God, I love it.

[Shane Topp]

Thank you. So incredible. So you're filling out. I see this one at the bottom says April. April to November of 2017.

[Selena]

Yeah. So I.

[Shane Topp]

Filling out more than one a year.

[Selena]

Yes, because I. Because I couldn't fit more because I was bullet journaling. So I was making up like, like monthly spreads or like weekly spreads. So like, they take up space.

[Amanda]

See, that's the thing is when you have it kind of like as a daily or a weekly thing, it kind of pushes you to write more.

[Selena]

Yeah, this one's fun. I found this and I was like, whoa, Shane, if you can read this block right here, just the second block there.

[Shane Topp]

Okay.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Okay. I was going to skip. I was going to skip poll, but I'm glad I didn't. Shane considered me to be one of the more advanced students in. In net class.

[Selena]

In that class.

[Shane Topp]

In that class. I feel myself getting stronger, though. Nowhere near perfect or good even. And I follow choreography well. I got to do the routine without call outs. It was fine, but I choked a bit at the end when I was making up my own stuff. But it was still great to be trusted to do well. Wait, what is this?

[Selena]

Pole class?

[Amanda]

Pole dancing.

[Selena]

Pole dancing.

[Shane Topp]

Wow.

[Selena]

Your namesake Y and everything.

[Amanda]

So you were there?

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, I was there.

[Amanda]

You were there teaching her.

[Selena]

Okay, I saw that and I was like, that's crazy.

[Amanda]

Pole dancing is awesome.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

My friend does it and loves it.

[Shane Topp]

Hilarious.

[Selena]

Yeah, that was from 2019. But the one that, like, I was like, oh, I flipped the first thing I flipped to this morning to like, to read. I was like, this is so cute. So this is from.

[Amanda]

Your handwriting is insane.

[Shane Topp]

I can't get over it.

[Selena]

Thank you.

[Shane Topp]

If my handwriting looked like this, I'd be journaling all the time.

[Selena]

Yeah. So this is from July 14, 2017. So like almost seven and a half years ago. I've really fallen in love with Jacksepticeye, a YouTuber. He's become an inspiration to me and his videos always make me feel good. I just want to mention him because I've been watching him a lot. In fact, YouTube has been making me happy lately and inspiring me to make content and be creative. I want to be part of this community and foster creativity, connect with people and entertain people. I'm also scared, though, because I know that whatever I put out, there'll be criticism with it, but I just need to force myself to be diligent about it because I'm excited to find out what I'll be making, what I come up with, and who I'll become.

[Shane Topp]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

Like, look at you now, girl.

[Selena]

First thing I flipped to this morning, I was like, that's crazy.

[Shane Topp]

That's so cool.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. Anyway, these are my. They're so. They're so beautiful. Thank you. Is this a mole skin?

[Selena]

No, I. I like Loish terms. Any bullet journal? Girlies out there send me recommendations, but.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I love good journals. I love ones that have the elastic band over it.

[Selena]

Yeah. But most of it is literally just boys. Where's the one? It's all just boys. It's all just a place for me to talk about boys. This one. I'm changing names because of course. Yeah. July 21, 2018. Xavier continued the text from yesterday, but really didn't keep the conversation going at all. So what? In the actual sigh, I wrote the word sigh and then next. Next line. Nothing from Ethan. Actually kind of sad about it. Next line matched with a super thirsty Danish dude who's kind of cute. Sexy conversations were had. Should I hook up with him? Yolo. Right. But I don't know. I'm kind of happy that he's unable to meet. That's so overwhelming.

[Shane Topp]

You said this is 2018.

[Amanda]

YOLO was yellow big in 2018. I can't remember.

[Shane Topp]

Still was.

[Amanda]

Yoda journals is such a place to talk about boys, girls, or yolo. Because that's. That's when you. That's when you're going to be talking about it.

[Shane Topp]

That's true.

[Amanda]

Obviously, like, you could talk about with your friends.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

It's like, it's the most healthy for you to, like, really be completely open in your journal and not judge yourself like I do.

[Selena]

Yeah. But now I read them back and I'm like, oh, I think that's.

[Shane Topp]

I think if you're not. I think if you're reading them back and not feeling that you didn't do it properly.

[Selena]

You didn't like.

[Shane Topp]

I think. I think that's growth. Like you're not looking back on yourself eight years ago and going, oh, God, yeah.

[Amanda]

No, I know. I would look back and be like, wow, I got. I got upset about so many little things.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Like, I can't believe they texted me that. Yeah, well, I'm gonna have to text them. And it's like, girl, let it go.

[Selena]

It's like, do you even remember what it was?

[Amanda]

No.

[Selena]

Exactly. It's like, don't.

[Shane Topp]

I think reading back on your journals is part of, like, what's healthy about it. No, I love it kind of gives you. It gives you the best perspective on things.

[Amanda]

A journal is so healthy. I. I do know that some people, like, I can't. It's too much. But I think if you lower your expectations for it, make it small, like.

[Shane Topp]

It can only even a sentence a day is something.

[Amanda]

Because I have five minute journals or two minute journals.

[Selena]

That's what I'm trying to get back to. Because I did this. I did all of this when I had more time in my days, and it just got too overwhelming. And then I put pressure on myself to make it perfect. So my goal this year is to just like, one line. Just one line describing what happened, how I felt, et cetera, just to let it out.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

That's awesome, dude.

[Amanda]

Amazing.

[Shane Topp]

Your journal game is crazy.

[Amanda]

It's really good. So now we know that Selena's the best. Shane's probably second, and this girl. This girl is. You have on another.

[Shane Topp]

Guys both win by the sheer amount of journals. You have these. This is it. That's it. And this one has two pages.

[Amanda]

Hey, that's pretty awesome.

[Shane Topp]

This is my journals.

[Amanda]

That's pretty awesome.

[Selena]

Yeah. But if that's all you need, that's all you need.

[Amanda]

You know, that's all you need. And it's really cool. The first one looks like it's, you know, Game of Thrones.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

That was. Yeah.

[Amanda]

That was your plan?

[Shane Topp]

Well, it was 2000. I guess game of Thrones was out, but I hadn't read it yet.

[Amanda]

No.

[Shane Topp]

But anyways, Selena, thank you for showing these to us. Wow, this has been really fun.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Do you guys journal.

[Shane Topp]

Let us know if you journal down below.

[Amanda]

And let us know if you're gonna read 50 books in a year just like Shane is.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, I'll keep. I'll keep updating you on the books I'm reading.

[Amanda]

Yeah, keep updating us.

[Selena]

I read zero, but it's okay.

[Amanda]

I've read half of one that I can't remember the name of.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, you.

[Amanda]

What's going on?

[Shane Topp]

Guess whatever book Amanda's reading.

[Selena]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And also watch Day of the Jackal.

[Shane Topp]

Because it's really good. But I hope you guys are doing well. We love you.

[Amanda]

We're safe.

[Shane Topp]

We will see you next week.

[Amanda]

We will see you next week.

[Shane Topp]

Goodbye.