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Shane
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Chance
And hammocks for less. Expedia.
Shane
Made to travel. Hi, welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane.
Amanda
And I'm Amanda.
Shane
Whoa.
Amanda
I did not enjoy that. Okay, we have a special guest, Chance McCrary.
Chance
Hello, I'm Chance.
Shane
And we're doing Try not to Laugh.
Amanda
Yeah, we're doing Try not to Laugh. And it starts right now.
Shane
We're just starting it.
Amanda
We're starting it.
Chance
What are the rules?
Shane
The rules are you just don't laugh. Don't. But we can have normal conversation. We can talk about whatever we want. But if you laugh, the only thing is just don't laugh. Whoever laughs the least in this episode wins.
Amanda
Yeah. And you win a gift card to.
Chance
Where you're already laughing the first laugh you made yourself laugh.
Amanda
Because our guests don't mean anything.
Shane
Immediately crash.
Chance
What do you mean they don't mean anything?
Amanda
It's a gift card to. Where would you like it to be?
Chance
Chili's.
Shane
A Chili's gift card. Okay. Choice. It's a solid choice.
Amanda
Chili's.
Chance
Oh. Was it supposed to be a joke?
Shane
No, no.
Amanda
Nothing's a joke here.
Chance
Build a bear.
Shane
That's actually not a bad.
Amanda
I don't want you there in that facility. I think chili is great.
Chance
Let me stuff some bears.
Amanda
No.
Shane
And you cracked. I'm in the lead now. This is awesome.
Chance
Ever.
Amanda
You were telling us something about Uber.
Chance
Oh, I was in an Uber this morning, and I don't like air blowing on my face when I'm in the car.
Shane
Mm.
Chance
And I. It was, like, blowing right on my face. And I was like. My eyes start watering, and I'm like, fuck, no. So then I was like. And I don't like talking to the Uber drivers.
Amanda
Me neither.
Chance
So I was like, um, could you turn the air a different direction? He looks at me, and then he turns it up, and it's awesome. I was just like. And I just had water in my eyes the rest of the time.
Amanda
You didn't say anything after That I.
Chance
Couldn'T say anything after because I couldn't tell if he was doing it out of spite or because he didn't understand me. And at that point, I was too socially anxious.
Shane
That's a checkmate. That's a checkmate right there. When they do that, I don't know.
Amanda
If he did it on purpose.
Chance
Well, then I was like, this the rest of the Uber, so I didn't have to get into my eyes, and I was, like, closing my eyes.
Amanda
I bet he probably just, like, didn't hear you. You're all the way in the backseat.
Chance
That might have been true. He made some weird eye contact with me in the mirror, so I was like, I think he knows.
Amanda
Oh, then he knows.
Shane
But even looking at the road, he was just looking at that straight the whole time. Just looking straight at you. That's terrifying.
Chance
Yeah.
Amanda
That's awful. And I'm so sorry that happened to you guys. On a side note, I'm famous.
Shane
You are famous. We haven't had a chance to talk about this, but one of your dreams came true.
Amanda
Big dream.
Chance
What?
Amanda
I'm on people.com.
Shane
Oh. Arguably one of People's greatest articles ever. So well written.
Amanda
It was so correct. So many specifics. I would hate you, but I'm on camera.
Chance
I'm sorry.
Amanda
And I'm gonna keep this Persona tight. No, it was a very wonderful, specific article.
Shane
Chance, you are already just. What's happening over here, man?
Chance
Yeah.
Shane
I thought you were gonna do really well.
Chance
I'm goofing. I'm goofing.
Shane
Okay, okay.
Amanda
He's goofing.
Chance
I cannot goof.
Shane
So back to People dot com.
Chance
Don't laugh at that.
Amanda
People Dot Com. Guys, I announced my pregnancy, and then that night, somebody got on their little computer and wrote a whole article. And the biggest takeaway that I got was that my husband changes his hairstyles often, which was.
Shane
I mean, they get the scoop.
Amanda
I mean, the scoop was big.
Shane
They've got the scoop over at People. Whoa. And they also called it Smoosh. Twice.
Chance
No, they didn't. They called it smooth, which.
Shane
How did they know that's what it really is?
Chance
Yeah.
Shane
Because they've got the scoop. They also like their list of, like, the cast of Smosh. They're like, the Smosh has the likes of. I think they said, like, they said Rasha, Anthony, and Shane Top as well as others. And it's like, okay, just an interesting. It was just listed.
Chance
I'm not trying to be in People.
Amanda
Oh, my God. You're missing out.
Shane
Vogue, Tiger Beat.
Chance
I'm trying to be.
Amanda
I can get in Vogue, you guys.
Shane
That was a wham dunk.
Amanda
What did you say?
Shane
I said you're trying to get in Tiger Beat.
Chance
What is Tiger Beat?
Amanda
Yeah. Nobody knows Tiger Beat.
Chance
Tiger Heat. That's a gay party in la.
Shane
Really?
Chance
Really?
Shane
Whoa. Imagine if. If I just rolled up to tiger heat.
Chance
It's 18 plus. Shane, don't go.
Amanda
Why?
Shane
As opposed to what?
Amanda
Why can't he go? Because it's 18 plus. You can't say that. You can't.
Chance
I'm saying you're 33. You should not be in an 18 plus club. What?
Amanda
Look at him. He just ran back.
Shane
It needs to be 21 plus.
Chance
Yeah, okay.
Shane
I was confused. I thought you were saying, like, no, it's adults only.
Amanda
Why can't.
Chance
Yeah, you're a baby.
Amanda
You're a baby. Why can't you be an 18 plus?
Chance
It's just like.
Shane
It's younger people.
Chance
It's younger people.
Shane
No, I don't.
Chance
I'm 33.
Amanda
Shane's gonna go there to be like.
Chance
That's what I'm.
Shane
There's a couple reasons why I wouldn't.
Amanda
Fit if you went with that mustache.
Shane
You're right.
Chance
Yeah.
Amanda
It'd all be over for you, honey.
Chance
Tight maroon shirt.
Amanda
Oh, my God.
Shane
Tight.
Amanda
Tight.
Chance
Oh, tight.
Amanda
Dude, you'd be done. Can I go?
Chance
Can you go? What?
Amanda
Tiger Heat.
Chance
No, bitch. There's enough straight women out in gay spaces, okay, so. Whoa. There's so many.
Amanda
There's so many.
Shane
Yeah, it's true.
Amanda
Are they there just to, like, hang out?
Chance
I think they're there so they don't get hit on.
Amanda
Get on? I thought that was a myth, but I think it's true.
Shane
Oh.
Chance
Oh, it's definitely true.
Shane
That's very true.
Amanda
But it's kind of fun to get hit on sometimes.
Chance
Oh, yeah. I'm trying to.
Amanda
You still get hit on at gay bars?
Chance
You get hit on at gay bars?
Amanda
Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty crazy.
Shane
I gotta be honest. I've. I mean, I haven't really been to. I think only once in, like, the past year did I end up at a gay bar. I think it was, like, all of us.
Amanda
I think you were probably by yourself.
Shane
No, no. But I don't think I got hit on. And I remember leaving being like, damn, that's hot.
Amanda
That's a bummer.
Shane
No, I left. I was like, I'm not.
Amanda
No, no. Nobody hit on him at the gay bar, which is, like, a bummer.
Shane
Nobody really hits on me at bars, but I was like, Maybe here I'm gonna. Maybe. Maybe someone.
Chance
I feel like people don't hit on a lot of people.
Amanda
I don't think it's as common.
Shane
I don't think it's as common nowadays.
Amanda
People are afraid to hit on people. It's kind of sad to me. I get why. Let's be. People are trying to say, like, I.
Chance
Couldn'T even talk to the Uber driver to get him to turn down the air.
Amanda
Come on.
Chance
I'm definitely not going up to hit on them enough.
Amanda
That makes me sad. I, like, miss when it was just like, hey, can I buy you a drink? No. All right.
Chance
That is why no one hits on you.
Amanda
Bet I get hit on plenty. Let me just tell you.
Chance
Let's give. Can you give me some pickup lines? Can we do some pickup lines?
Amanda
Lines?
Shane
I don't think I would ever. I never really, like, hit on people. I would never use a pickup line.
Chance
Okay, but if you had to, like, you. If you're going like. It's like a pickup line is anything. It's like, hey, can I buy you a drink? Like, it can be like that.
Shane
I would probably do that. I'd probably. I'd probably keep it simple. I wouldn't try to do, like, a lot.
Amanda
Hello, can I buy you a martini?
Shane
Excuse me, can I buy you a drink? Hello.
Amanda
Oh, no.
Shane
Can you imagine? Now I see, I. I roll up and I'm just like, why are you rolling?
Chance
Why are you in a wheelchair?
Amanda
Yeah, why are you on wheels, bud?
Chance
Hey, here it goes, here it goes, here it goes.
Shane
Yeah, we're all booty hole women.
Amanda
No, no, no, no.
Chance
Okay.
Amanda
You get your wheels out of there, bud.
Shane
That was the try not to laugh reference to one of Chance's greatest jokes.
Chance
That's true.
Shane
Anyways, what would you do?
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Have you used a pickup line on someone?
Chance
I feel like. I'm sure I have. I've definitely been like, can I buy you a drink? I'll. I usually try to say something that's going on in the environment that we're both seeing cocktails.
Amanda
Huh.
Chance
I skipped the tails.
Shane
Nice.
Amanda
So you just say. And then they're into it.
Chance
They're like, well, yeah. I mean, that's as far as most Grindr conversations go. Okay, so I actually have.
Amanda
What else?
Chance
Well, I was just gonna talk to you guys. I have a list that I keep of every man I've ever hooked up with.
Amanda
I think I know about this list.
Chance
It's called the hit list. It has pictures. You can blur this out, but it has pictures of Every single one. And names. Okay.
Amanda
This is incredible.
Chance
So I'm gonna.
Amanda
Are they all shirtless? Oh, no, there's a couple with.
Chance
No, I just like to show off the bottom shirts.
Shane
You in one second scrolled past more people than I've ever hooked up with in my life.
Amanda
Yeah, yeah, Shane.
Chance
And I'm still scrolling. Okay, so yeah, yeah. And this is mostly the only ones that if I. I have to know their names to put them in the hit list and I have to have a picture of them to put them in the hit list.
Amanda
You just roll up. It's alright.
Shane
Can I show you this list?
Chance
Yeah, of course.
Shane
Yeah.
Chance
Let me see it.
Amanda
You're like, you already went past two.
Chance
Okay, I'm going to be a little vulnerable and some of my bits are gonna be calling some of these random men to see if they one, pick up. And two, what they'll say.
Shane
What is going on?
Chance
Is that crazy?
Shane
It's not. You're allowed to do whatever you want.
Amanda
I think it's great. I love it.
Shane
Okay, I love it too.
Amanda
I love it.
Shane
I. I.
Amanda
Am I getting pranked though?
Chance
No, no prank.
Shane
Marcus is not on the other line.
Amanda
Does Selena know about this?
Chance
I was like, marcus. There's a Marcus on the list though.
Shane
There's a Marcus. Can we just say names and see if we can throw one that. That's on the list?
Amanda
No, no, he has to pick. So we're not gonna say names.
Shane
We're gonna keep anonymity.
Chance
Yeah, yeah.
Shane
Keep anonymity. That's out of respect for all these people. What? Okay, at the end of it, I do want to know the number, which we can also blur out if we want.
Chance
The what?
Shane
The number. How many on that list?
Chance
Oh, okay.
Amanda
Yeah, we thought you meant like the actual number.
Chance
Why have I not numbered it?
Shane
Dude, why haven't you number today?
Chance
Well, how long do you have? Okay, so a whole episode.
Amanda
Your turn.
Chance
Do you guys want to call your exes or.
Shane
No.
Amanda
No, there's a time change and stuff.
Shane
Yeah, it's just.
Chance
It's just I. Oh, I'm not supposed to laugh.
Shane
Okay, convenient.
Chance
Okay, I'll start with one.
Shane
You're gonna call. You're just gonna call?
Chance
I mean, what am I. What, you want me to text?
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no, no text.
Amanda
Straight up call.
Shane
Just calling to see if they answer.
Chance
Well, I doubt most of them. I feel like most people don't answer phone calls. Especially from someone you hooked up with randomly or not randomly. Some of they're my exes on here too. Okay, Here we go. Let's try one this.
Shane
I now know what it's like to be on the other end of this.
Amanda
Thank you.
Shane
Whoa.
Chance
Hi.
Shane
Welcome to the Cheesecake Factory at the Grove.
Amanda
How can I help you?
Chance
Hi. I. I know it's been a while, but I just wanted to. I just wanted to thank you.
Amanda
Oh, you're. You're welcome.
Chance
Yeah. The turtle cheesecake was one of the best things I've ever had and.
Shane
Okay.
Amanda
Is this a.
Shane
Is this going to be an order.
Amanda
For pickup or delivery?
Chance
Oh, no, I already. I already had my fill.
Shane
Okay.
Amanda
Is there anything else I can help you with?
Chance
No, all good.
Shane
Oh, okay.
Chance
Have a.
Amanda
Have a great day.
Chance
Okay. Thank you.
Amanda
Of course. Oh, my God. You fucking. You crumbled. You crumbled. What happened? I. How did you know? Wait, did you fuck a cheesecake? What just happened? This job is so hard. What just happened?
Chance
The Cheesecake Factory at the Grove was.
Amanda
Who is your ex in it? The cheesecake or her cheesecake?
Chance
It was a sexual experience for me.
Shane
There was. There was so many layers of confusion, so many layers of cheesecake. Which cheesecake did you say again?
Chance
The turtle one.
Shane
The turtles.
Chance
Pecans and chocolate and caramel also. It's really good.
Amanda
When you started to break, she went, oh, okay.
Chance
She was so chill. She's at the GR.
Amanda
She was very sweet.
Shane
10:30Am So I don't think she's really busy right now.
Amanda
They just opened, I think.
Shane
I did not know Cheesecake Factory was open at 10:30.
Amanda
I didn't know.
Shane
Who's getting breakfast at Cheesecake Factory?
Amanda
This. This man.
Chance
Have you seen their menu? It's huge.
Shane
That is true. Okay, well, that was a fun little. Well, that was a fun little bit.
Chance
Yeah.
Shane
That was. That was really awesome.
Amanda
Was that your most recent one?
Chance
No.
Shane
I will say, I'm also grateful that you're not actually calling your exes.
Chance
What do you mean?
Amanda
I think he is. I think that was just a starter.
Chance
That was.
Shane
That was an advertiser.
Chance
I've got some. I've got some.
Amanda
I think he actually is.
Chance
Yeah.
Amanda
Okay, so buckle up.
Shane
Okay. So on my way here today, I was thinking, having you on as a guest, we're trying not to laugh. I thought it'd be really funny if we brought back a classic because we never. I felt like we never really got into it in staring contest of trying to do the dune yell. Or we could do the dune yell.
Amanda
Or the Wicked.
Shane
The wicked. No.
Chance
Yeah, okay.
Shane
You know the. That one.
Chance
But we have to do it in the same key. No, Changing keys.
Amanda
Amanda, you wanted the lower key. What are you talking about? You literally, in karaoke was like, we're doing lower key. Show me the footage receipts. Bring it up.
Shane
I think we go one by one and.
Chance
And.
Shane
And try it.
Amanda
Which one?
Shane
Which one do you want to do? The Dune or the. The Wicked? Oh, do you think we'll get. We'll get copyright struck for Wicked? That's just. There's no words. That's just a note.
Amanda
Yeah, but it's fake.
Shane
What if I happen to.
Chance
It's not a note, Shane. It's a riff.
Shane
What if I have. What if I happen to talk really beautifully and it happens to match up with something and then. Or we're copyright struck. That belongs.
Amanda
It won't happen.
Shane
Beautiful things belong.
Chance
A lot of people say that we sound alike.
Shane
Us.
Chance
What?
Shane
Really?
Amanda
Who says that?
Chance
Reddit.
Shane
Reddit and Reddit's always.
Chance
And YouTube on smosh mouth. A lot of the time it'll be like, oh, my God, Chance was talking and I thought it was Shane.
Shane
Whoa.
Chance
Yeah.
Shane
Okay.
Chance
How do you feel about that, gay ass bitch?
Amanda
Jesus.
Shane
You do it. What if I was like, how do you feel about that, straight boy?
Chance
Oh, sorry. Don't say cut that.
Shane
If you said that. Someone listening's like, I can't believe Shane said that.
Chance
Oh, yeah. Cause it's my voice.
Shane
Yeah, I didn't say that. I said straight.
Amanda
Oh, my God, I'm so glad to be over here. Just in my own world. No one has my voice. No one looks like me. It's great.
Shane
People say you sound like God.
Chance
There's someone that has your voice.
Amanda
Who has my voice?
Chance
That old hag from brave.
Amanda
So I sound like Cookie Monster and old hag from Brave.
Chance
You sound like Cookie Monster. Who told you that, Shane?
Amanda
Just now.
Shane
And I clocked it and then nailed it.
Amanda
No, you didn't. Doesn't Cookie Monster sound like this?
Shane
I'm sorry for our listeners who aren't watching. You probably can't tell what's going on right now.
Chance
She's.
Amanda
Yeah, Cookie Monster.
Shane
Yeah.
Chance
To you.
Shane
You're like, oh, Amanda's just continuing to talk.
Amanda
You're a piece of gay ass bitch.
Chance
Whoa. That's different when you.
Amanda
Is it?
Chance
Yeah. Is it? Yes, it is.
Amanda
It's not.
Chance
What do you mean, is it?
Amanda
It's not. That's all. Just accept it.
Chance
Except I can say it.
Amanda
No, I can say those three words. Yeah, I can say it. And I said it. Not taking it back.
Chance
This is the hill you die on.
Amanda
I'm staying.
Chance
Okay.
Amanda
I'm Staying.
Chance
Did you have any prepared bits?
Amanda
No.
Shane
Guys.
Chance
What?
Shane
Everybody calm down.
Chance
Oh, you're doing it.
Shane
It's really hard.
Chance
It's really hard.
Shane
Really hard. It's. It's just hard to do it earnestly.
Chance
Yeah.
Shane
I'm gonna do the. Duniel, I feel like you right now.
Chance
Yeah, yeah. You got this clip.
Shane
Here we go.
Chance
We got.
Shane
Guys.
Chance
You got it. Got this, guys, Come on.
Shane
Someone had to get into the recording booth and do that.
Chance
Yeah, yeah.
Amanda
And they took it very seriously.
Shane
Very seriously.
Chance
You change the key.
Amanda
What?
Shane
You change the key.
Amanda
That was like, Disney, dude. Clearly, you. It has to go high.
Chance
That was better. That was better.
Shane
Tell me I didn't nail that.
Amanda
You nailed it. Wow.
Shane
Chance.
Chance
Yeah?
Shane
This is your chance.
Chance
Hey.
Amanda
Hey. Oh, God. I'd rather be dead. Literally rather be dead in the ground, scratching so much.
Chance
Like my voice is a fuzz because of those vapes. Don't vape.
Amanda
I wouldn't. And you shouldn't.
Shane
You brought vapes into this, Dude.
Amanda
Yeah. Vaping. Was that it? Are you fulfilled?
Chance
Yeah, I'm good.
Shane
Okay.
Amanda
Okay. How does it go? Okay.
Shane
All right.
Chance
Ho. Wee. Woo hoo.
Amanda
That's my version. Unique.
Chance
You are so lame. Unique, you are so millennial, sometimes it hurts.
Amanda
Unique, experienced.
Chance
Okay, I've got one.
Amanda
One what?
Chance
An X. Oh, God.
Amanda
Oh, God. It's like I forgot. And now we're back.
Shane
This is gonna be rough. Oh, my God. I can't believe we're back.
Chance
I don't know if this one will answer.
Shane
It's gonna be Chili's.
Chance
Hello? Hey, are you. Do you have a second to talk? For a second? Yeah, of course. I just. I just want to thank you like you were. You. You were so kind to me, and I think I treated you badly. And I think, honestly, I think I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I wasn't ready to sit with myself. Sorry. I know this is a lot right now. Are you. Are you okay? Yeah.
Shane
Who is this?
Chance
This is Ch. Yes.
Amanda
Chance.
Chance
Yes. Okay, well. Okay.
Amanda
Thank you. Thank you.
Chance
Yeah, you're welcome. Okay, I gotta go. I'm sorry. I think I actually might have had the wrong number. Okay, bye.
Amanda
I want to die.
Shane
I just feel like I went through one of those things, you know, where they spin Air Force pilots around. I was in one of those just now.
Amanda
I want to die. I wanted to fast forward that whole thing.
Chance
And you know what? Some of you can't.
Amanda
All Chance, that man didn't remember you.
Shane
Who was that?
Chance
But there was a guy randomly that I met in Chicago.
Shane
Did you Earnestly.
Amanda
He didn't remember.
Shane
Is that a guy that you actually.
Chance
That's a guy that I actually. Yes.
Amanda
He didn't know who you were.
Chance
And you know what I will say in my defense? I don't save a lot of numbers.
Amanda
I can't.
Chance
And I'm gonna keep track. Like, if I have your picture, are.
Amanda
You adding a note to the picture?
Chance
No, I don't add a note. It's just the picture and the name, and some. A lot of them don't have last names because I don't know their last names.
Amanda
And that's fine. This man didn't remember you?
Chance
No. Yeah.
Shane
At all.
Chance
I need to go to more recent hookups.
Shane
How long. How long ago do you think that was?
Chance
How I've been here. I mean, that was, like, eight years ago.
Amanda
He's like. He's like, chance.
Chance
Which one? I'm like, how many chances? He's like.
Amanda
He's like, chance. Truly. I only know one chance. It's you.
Shane
What? Don't lose it.
Chance
I'm not losing it.
Amanda
I don't know what that was. I did not like that.
Chance
Amanda, you're laughing a lot.
Amanda
I don't care. I don't care. Burn it all down. I don't care. I'm laughing. I'm having a good time, Amanda.
Chance
At the siege of Rome.
Shane
Oh, man.
Amanda
I'm laughing and having a good time. At the siege of Rome.
Chance
Yeah. You burned it all down.
Shane
Is that a Nero joke?
Chance
Sure.
Amanda
What's Nero?
Shane
Nero's an emperor. Who? I think it was Nero. Is it Caligula? There was an emperor who was, like, laughing as Rome burned.
Chance
What's Coagula?
Shane
Caligula.
Chance
Yeah, but what's Calagula?
Shane
Coagul. Like, coagulating blood. Oh, yeah.
Chance
It's when it.
Shane
Not, like, congeals.
Chance
Yeah. Like, it's all, like, cool, cool, gross. Really cool.
Shane
Yeah. We really went on a journey there. Hey, new Pope.
Chance
Trying to coagulate some calm.
Shane
No, no, no. Yeah.
Amanda
Glad that New Pope and that was in the same sentence. No, guys, there is a new pope. Conclave really happened.
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
Did you guys see the movie?
Shane
I have not seen Conclave. I haven't seen. I need to watch so many movies.
Amanda
So good.
Shane
I've. I've heard.
Amanda
And it's Ray Finds, not Ralph Fetus.
Shane
I know. What, bro?
Chance
Was that a joke?
Amanda
It's Ralph Venus Fenis. I learned that the hard way. It's Ray Finds.
Chance
Yeah.
Amanda
Yes.
Shane
I don't want to see anyone's Voldemort.
Amanda
No, I know.
Chance
How do you not know his name.
Amanda
Not Ralph Venus, so don't make that mistake.
Shane
Ralph Phoenix.
Amanda
It's Ralph Fiennes.
Chance
The boy who lived.
Amanda
It's pretty good.
Chance
Come to die.
Shane
Whoa, you got that. Way to go.
Amanda
Anyways, there's a new Pope.
Shane
There's a Chicago Pope.
Amanda
He's from Chicago.
Shane
From the people who brought you Chicago Fire and Chicago PD comes. Chicago Pope.
Chance
That's awesome.
Amanda
That was really cool.
Shane
No, really full on. Like, can you imagine going. You travel all the way to the Vatican. You go into the Vatican and you go up and you see the Pope. He's just like, hey, how's it going? How you doing? I'm the friggin Pope.
Chance
I didn't know that Popes could be American.
Shane
They could be wherever, man.
Chance
That is.
Amanda
That's why you have to watch Conclave.
Shane
We didn't know who the Pope was going to be until the Pope was chosen. I mean, it could have been one of us.
Amanda
Do they have to be like a. No. Do they have to be Italian?
Chance
You don't think I can be the Pope? He's.
Shane
No, the last. The last Pope, I believe, was. I believe Pope Francis was Argentinian. There's. Oh, that Pope before that Pope Benedict.
Amanda
Was German, so does he speak Latin?
Chance
They.
Shane
I'm. I'm assuming they actually probably do.
Amanda
I feel like they.
Shane
I know a little bit about the. The new Pope. Pope Leo. He actually, he was born in Chicago, but I think he spent a lot of his time outside of the States. Like, I think he was in Peru for like, a long years. Yeah, he's been on missions and stuff.
Amanda
Missions. Yeah.
Shane
So I don't think he's like. But he grew up, apparently. He's a Cubs fan.
Chance
That's awesome.
Amanda
Wow. Chicago's freaking out right now. That was earnest.
Shane
Okay.
Chance
Okay.
Shane
All right. Sick. I'm not Catholic. But hey, you know what? Whatever. I don't have any feelings actually about it.
Amanda
Are you okay?
Shane
Yeah, no, I'm just thinking about it. I'm just like. Wait, what? I don't. I don't care that much. It's just interesting.
Chance
But you're talking about it a lot.
Shane
World news. It's, you know, it's.
Amanda
Do you want to be Catholic and you want to be the Pope?
Chance
I don't.
Shane
I don't.
Chance
Do you want to be Catholic and do you want to be the Pope? The question is very simple.
Amanda
Very simple.
Shane
I was Catholic for the first, like, part of my life because growing up, we went to Catholic Church.
Amanda
Oh, you left that out.
Shane
And then we left because you Know Catholic church. Not a good track record. So my mom was like, we're getting out of here. And then.
Amanda
And now you want back?
Shane
No, not at all. Actually. I slept through every single Catholic church service I went to, but it didn't sleep through you.
Chance
Oh, God.
Amanda
Someone who went to Catholic church for many, many years. Sunday school, con Confirmation.
Shane
You guys watch Veggie Tales, too?
Amanda
We watched veggie.
Chance
We had a second one.
Shane
What? Not damn.
Amanda
We watched veggies.
Shane
That was actually really cool. We did watch Veggie Tales. Veggie Tales did slap. I. You know, it's weird. What a weird choice.
Chance
So strange to be like, all right.
Shane
Who'S going to teach. Who's going to teach a kids about the Lord? It's like, oh, let's have a shaft. Balls.
Amanda
Well, mine was. My. My mother, she was a children's literature teacher, so that's really taught me. Yeah.
Shane
Whoa.
Amanda
She would get all the kids and go in the back, we play Simon.
Chance
Says, my mom didn't teach me how to read. She taught me how to shake that ass.
Amanda
I never said my mom taught me how to read. She taught me about the Lord. Oh, your mom taught you how to shake that ass?
Chance
Mm. You see?
Shane
Yeah. Let's see it.
Amanda
Shane really wants to see.
Shane
Let's see it for our listeners. Hopefully you can hear this some.
Amanda
It's starting and I.
Shane
All right.
Amanda
I actually don't want it.
Shane
It's so far. It's okay. It's more of a. Like a dark denim jeans circular motion.
Amanda
Wow.
Shane
I wouldn't say it's a shake.
Amanda
It's gorgeous. Commenting.
Chance
Commentating like it's the west. It's the Westminster dog.
Amanda
It's Shane and Amanda. And we're back commenting on shake. Dead ass. And here he comes in.
Shane
Okay.
Amanda
He's got some dark.
Shane
Okay. We got an upward motion going, but his.
Amanda
You can see as his ass pushes against the denim that it really shows off his form.
Chance
Okay, I didn't know that.
Amanda
What?
Chance
At least I don't have a lumpy ass like a man. Okay.
Amanda
Whoa. I don't have a lumpy ass.
Chance
It's true.
Shane
Whoa.
Amanda
It's crazy how I don't have Columbia. It's round. You two are after me again today.
Chance
Sorry. I'm not after you. I'm before you. That was so bad.
Amanda
So bad.
Chance
That was so bad. No, it was.
Amanda
Let's just. Hey, let. Let's all restart.
Shane
You just did. I. I think you're now summoning Satan. You can't.
Chance
You can't do five.
Shane
You can't you can't do.
Amanda
Is that a rule?
Chance
It's a pentagram.
Shane
Yeah, man.
Amanda
I wasn't doing five. This is four. The Pope. I'm feeling my Catholic roots coming back.
Shane
Was your. Is your mom's Catholic?
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Was she stoked about the Pope?
Amanda
I haven't talked to her about it. She's in France, dude.
Shane
Oh, she's overseas.
Amanda
She's overseas for the Pope.
Shane
She's like.
Amanda
She's on her way to visit him.
Shane
She's going to go see the Pope.
Amanda
She's on her way. Yeah, She's. She's Catholic.
Chance
That's cool. You guys want another ex?
Shane
But. Oh, God, I don't know if I can handle this.
Amanda
Yeah, let's do it.
Shane
But you know what? Go for it.
Amanda
My body is not prepared, but here we go.
Shane
Buckle up, listener.
Amanda
It's like when you go on a roller coaster, when people do calls and you're about to go, and then it's. You just have to go because you. You have to drop.
Shane
I can't. Earnestly. I could never imagine actually doing this. I had a buddy back when the ice bucket challenge was happening. I had a buddy who he couldn't physically. He couldn't do the ice bucket challenge. So instead, he called several of his exes, and some of them he was not on good terms with.
Chance
Oh, God.
Shane
To challenge them to the ice bucket challenge.
Amanda
No, he was not prepared.
Shane
It was rough. It was so rough.
Amanda
Why do they pick up?
Chance
They always do. Sometimes they do.
Amanda
Sometimes, I guess they're, like, so intrigued.
Shane
Well, I also wonder, with an ex, it's just like, is there, like, some sort of, like, Bill or something or. I don't know, is there something, like, they need from me that I have or whatever information or something? I don't know.
Amanda
Oh, I never think about that.
Shane
There just might be an importance to it. I don't know.
Amanda
I always think they're calling.
Shane
Depends on the amount of time that's passed, too. I don't think it was, like, a long time.
Amanda
Oh. Oh, that's awkward.
Shane
You know, if we're talking, like, five, eight years. Yeah. I wouldn't pick up.
Amanda
Yeah. Is this X? What's the recent time?
Chance
This one's a recent one.
Amanda
Like a year.
Shane
So they're gonna know who, like, in the past two. Okay. They're gonna know who you are, hopefully. I. I don't know if that's better or worse. I think it's better, oddly, that they know who you are.
Chance
Let's go.
Shane
So this isn't. This is not A prank call.
Amanda
Here we go.
Chance
Calling my ex. One of them.
Shane
Oh, my God. Buckle up, everybody.
Chance
Yeah. Hey, Dylan, do you have a second to talk?
Amanda
Who is this?
Chance
This is Chance.
Shane
Oh, yeah.
Chance
Sup? Hey, I was just. My birthday's coming up and I was wondering if you wanted to. I'm gonna have a party. Oh, sick. Sick. And I don't know, I was just wondering if you wanna come. I know we ended things kinda weirdly.
Amanda
Yeah, yeah, I'll roll up. Yeah, send me the dates or whatever.
Chance
Yeah, okay, great. It'll be on the 23rd. Pool party come with that nasty bot.
Amanda
It's not that nasty anymore.
Chance
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
Amanda
All right. What?
Chance
Nothing. Okay, great. I'll send you the deets.
Amanda
Can I.
Chance
Can I bring someone? Like a. Yeah, like a girlfriend?
Amanda
Like a.
Shane
Like a bear?
Chance
It's more of like a twink situation. Sorry, what did you say? Yeah, you can bring him. I can bring a bear? Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'll see you and your bear.
Amanda
Can I bring a dog?
Chance
No, dude, you can't bring a dog. I'm sorry, There's. I think the owner's allergic.
Amanda
Owner of what?
Chance
The house. Oh, it's gonna be at a house.
Amanda
I remember your teeth. You had really good teeth.
Chance
Thank you. Okay, I'll see you there.
Amanda
I've been bringing my dog.
Chance
Please do not.
Amanda
I'm gonna bring my bear and my dog.
Shane
Angela, how's it going?
Amanda
I was waiting for that. Yeah, it wasn't at first. And then halfway I was like, wait a second. I'm gonna roll up with the dates.
Shane
I'm gonna roll up one of the dates. Can I bring a bear?
Amanda
Yeah.
Chance
I was like, who talks like that? Can I bring a bear?
Shane
I was still in it I it at that point. So I was like, is that how.
Amanda
You know it was me?
Chance
What the. Oh, I didn't know you were here.
Amanda
How you know it was me? How did you get in here? How did you know it was me?
Chance
I didn't think you were in the office today.
Amanda
Cuz you said. Cuz you said roll up dates. Get in here. I'm not cute looking.
Shane
You want to be?
Chance
How you know?
Amanda
Do you have a New York Yankees hat on?
Chance
Yeah, but it's pink.
Amanda
How'd you know it's me? When did you know I knew it was you?
Shane
I actually don't think I started clocking it until I looked over and saw Chance's phone saying, angela.
Amanda
Jeff.
Chance
I knew it you.
Amanda
When you said, I'mma roll it for the dates.
Shane
Well, I I knew that whoever was on the other line was in on it.
Amanda
I just didn't went further.
Shane
You did a good job with that voice.
Amanda
I thought you did good with the voice.
Chance
I'm. I'm filtering it. So some are real, some are not.
Amanda
And you said bear.
Chance
The last one was real.
Amanda
Whoa. And you said, bear. I'm going to bring a bear.
Chance
The bear was crazy.
Shane
Angela, we should talk about the ketchup story.
Chance
Off.
Amanda
I was like, who's running into Smash mouth right now?
Shane
That was insane.
Amanda
Do you know? It was me. I'll do better next time.
Chance
Yeah, no, that was.
Amanda
Her voice was actually really good.
Shane
Can I bring a dog? I was like, okay, this person's joking.
Amanda
I'm gonna bring my dog in my bed.
Shane
So the previous call was real. Yeah, because. And they genuinely didn't know who.
Chance
Yeah. Wow. But that one's fair. It's eight years. It was one night.
Amanda
He was so calm about it too.
Shane
It was really cool.
Amanda
I was like, chad, I don't think.
Shane
That'S the first time that's happened.
Chance
I don't. For him.
Shane
For him.
Amanda
Have you called your exes before? Some of them, like, just randomly to.
Chance
Be like, hey, some of them. But honestly, to invite to a party would be something that I would.
Amanda
You would call.
Chance
I would call first.
Amanda
Really?
Shane
Whoa.
Amanda
That's brave.
Chance
Well. Cause I want to see if they even want the invitation to even know where it's at and shit.
Amanda
That's brave. I feel like most people just send the invitation and be like, I don't know. We'll see. Good for you.
Shane
Mmm. Wow.
Amanda
I like, I. I appreciate that directness.
Shane
That's really bold.
Chance
Bold.
Shane
I am not a phone call person.
Amanda
No, me neither.
Shane
Not at all.
Chance
It was a learned thing.
Amanda
Is your mom a phone call person?
Chance
No. They always. My mom and my dad get so awkward on the phone. My mom answers and she's like.
Shane
You got it.
Chance
Konichiwa.
Shane
What?
Chance
Japanese now.
Amanda
What now?
Shane
What are you saying?
Chance
I don't know. I was trying to think, like, she all of a sudden speaks a different language to me, but that. You'd have to know the context of my mom. She doesn't speak any other languages. She barely speaks English. Whoa.
Shane
Damn.
Chance
Let me roasting my mother right now.
Shane
Holy. It's. We are recording. We are recording this episode two days before Mother's Day.
Chance
Oh, fun.
Amanda
It's fine. No one's gonna know that.
Chance
Use your present. Mom.
Shane
They know it now. I said it.
Amanda
My mom also gets kind of. She gets a little upset. She's like, what's up? When I call her. If I call her, what's up?
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
And I'm like, hey, just checking in. She's like, what? What's going on?
Shane
Why?
Amanda
I'm doing a hundred things right now. What's going on?
Shane
What's up?
Chance
Wow.
Amanda
And I'm always like, oh, yeah. I was just calling to say hi. Oh, hi. Is everything okay?
Chance
Mm.
Shane
Oh.
Amanda
She's like, me. It's always like, a call to me is like, emergency. What's up?
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Wow.
Chance
You guys answer the phone, like, when someone calls you.
Amanda
Hello? I'm kidding.
Chance
Hey, I wanted bits, so do you want to take it back?
Amanda
Nope.
Shane
I answered. Hey, there's a bit. I answer it, and I go, huh?
Amanda
Ew.
Chance
Ew. I answer the phone, I go, yow.
Amanda
Do you want to take that back?
Chance
I go answer the phone. I say, no. You said no before I even got words out of my mouth.
Amanda
Because you were. Do it.
Shane
They can hear your movement.
Chance
I answer the phone and I go.
Shane
Nice. Are you guys facetime people?
Chance
I can do a facetime.
Amanda
I can do a facetime.
Shane
I am really not a fan of facetime.
Amanda
I can do a facetime because there's people in my life who love to facetime. So I've accepted it.
Shane
I am not exactly.
Amanda
I'm like, okay, this person wants to see me when they talk. I've accepted it. My sister, my good friend, and my other friend. There's like three.
Shane
I am just so.
Amanda
I just accept it. What I don't like, though, is when I send a text and then they immediately FaceTime. I struggle with that because sometimes I'm sending a text and I'm not available.
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
Are you okay?
Chance
No.
Amanda
Okay, great. Okay, great.
Shane
Awesome. Because there's people who FaceTime in public. They're like, out in public, and they've got. And I'm like, I do that.
Chance
I'll do that.
Shane
Okay, you do do that.
Amanda
You did that the other day, and.
Shane
You did that the other day, and everybody noticed.
Chance
Yeah, but I wanted.
Amanda
We all talked about it.
Chance
I wanted them to say hi to the person on the phone. Should I FaceTime him?
Shane
There's nothing. Okay. Can I say, there's nothing more awkward than when someone is FaceTiming and you're sitting nearby just doing something different, and they're like, oh, say, hey. And it pans over, and I just. I feel like I'm a hundred years old suddenly.
Chance
Yeah.
Shane
I'm just like, yes.
Chance
Hey.
Shane
Like, there's nothing you can do besides just kind of be like, hey, and it's like, oh, and Shane's over here. And I'm just like. And it's like, all right.
Amanda
And why do people do. I hate when someone passes the phone around. Do you want to say hi to your. Do you want to say hi to Aunt Kathy?
Chance
That's the worst.
Amanda
And you're. I. I love her, but I am not in the place. I'm not prepared.
Shane
I want to know if this is the case for listeners too, where it's now become a part of like Christmas and Thanksgiving and stuff.
Amanda
Yes.
Shane
Holidays. Where you're gathered with your family. Where it's like, all right, now we have to go through the cycle of. Not have to. Like, I'm excited to talk to relatives. But it's like, all right, now we're calling grandpa and we're gonna have him on FaceTime. We're gonna pass it around. We all say, hey, but like, we.
Amanda
Don'T need to do that.
Chance
A lot of like, old people, it's.
Shane
Like, dude, old people over FaceTime, they can't hear or anything going on sometimes. So they're just like.
Amanda
And they're like this. So it's just the top.
Shane
It's truly the Pope. They're just being passed around. There's like. It's waving. They don't understand what's going on.
Amanda
Like, why do we do. We don't have to. We can end that. We can stop it.
Shane
Why not? We cannot.
Chance
Okay.
Shane
We cannot stop it by stopping me.
Chance
I've tried.
Amanda
You have?
Chance
No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amanda
He's going to whip out a sword.
Chance
Oh.
Shane
Oh.
Chance
What?
Amanda
Don't do this. You two do this.
Chance
It was going to be a grenade.
Shane
Oh, where we sound exactly the same.
Amanda
No. Were you guys gang up on me? It's crazy what I deal with.
Chance
Hey, hey. I'm sorry.
Shane
I'm sorry.
Chance
I'm sorry.
Shane
I'm sorry.
Chance
That we do that.
Shane
That we do that.
Chance
It's not fair.
Shane
It's not fair.
Amanda
I don't even know who's talking.
Chance
That's us. We are region. Oh, yeah.
Shane
That was a mass effect reference. Very cool for the mass effect heads out there.
Amanda
Very cool. Yeah.
Chance
That's also that hit movie Legion. Yeah, it's on fx.
Shane
Angels. You're talking about the X Men.
Amanda
I think I saw Jen.
Chance
No, no, no, the angels.
Shane
Yeah, the angel one.
Chance
Is it called Legion?
Shane
I think it's called Legion. That was sick. I saw it in theaters. It's a bad movie, but it's sick.
Chance
The. The angel fight at the end was.
Shane
Angel fight is really sick. Really cool. Basically, angels are coming to Earth. They're gonna wipe out all humanity. But this one. Angels, like no humans, deserve to live. So he's gonna fight against.
Amanda
Played by that angel. I think I have seen Legion.
Shane
What' I'm doing the Amanda thing where I'm thinking of that actor.
Amanda
Do it.
Shane
He's a popular actor, but he's like, kind of always in character roles. But he plays in Marvel. He's the robot.
Amanda
Oh, oh, oh, no.
Chance
Samuel L. Jackson.
Amanda
No.
Chance
Michael J. Fox.
Amanda
No.
Chance
No.
Amanda
He's married to. He's married to Jennifer Conley.
Shane
Okay, that does not.
Chance
Mike Myers.
Amanda
No. You're saying random actors and British.
Shane
He was in. He was in A Knight's Tale.
Amanda
Yes, yes, of course.
Chance
Heath Ledger.
Shane
He's Vision. He's Vision.
Chance
Yes.
Amanda
What's his name?
Chance
Paul Bentley.
Amanda
Paul Betney. I was. I was there. I was there.
Shane
Is an angel who's fighting against all the other angels.
Chance
Jennifer Gardner.
Amanda
You did that?
Shane
Can I. Can I say I can't undo that. Such a crush on Jennifer Garner.
Amanda
She's so hot.
Chance
I don't.
Shane
Okay, yeah.
Chance
Women can age and still be hot, Shane.
Shane
I know that.
Chance
Well, some women.
Shane
I just mean when I was a kid.
Chance
Whoa, whoa.
Shane
Whoa.
Amanda
I'm sorry. Oh, did I not. Did I not. Did I not cordially invite you to this? No, you can't.
Shane
Oh, my.
Amanda
You can't hunt your way out of this.
Shane
Add it to the compilation.
Amanda
Add it to the compilation.
Shane
That was brutal.
Amanda
No, I just mean, like, fine, I have thick.
Shane
I just mean like back when she.
Chance
Daredevil and thick thighs. Damn.
Shane
Damn. Just.
Amanda
It's fine.
Shane
Not. I can take it going a second.
Amanda
I can take it anyways. Yeah. Jennifer Conley is a beautiful woman.
Chance
Jennifer, you're.
Shane
You brought to a different Jennifer. But wait, who is pretty much every celebrity.
Amanda
Who is the other one?
Shane
Pretty much every celebrity. Jennifer is hot.
Chance
Jennifer Aniston.
Shane
Every. Every celebrity. Jennifer is hot is.
Amanda
That's who we're talking about.
Shane
Name grandma. Jennifer. Jennifer Garner.
Chance
We're gonna FaceTime you here.
Amanda
We're talking about Jennifer Garner. I'm gonna smash your phone so hard. I'm gonna smash your phone so hard, all I do is get roasted. Chance you have.
Shane
There's not. You have destroyed minutes. Amanda has disintegrated.
Amanda
No, I'm still here.
Chance
We are no longer.
Shane
A man is over here.
Chance
Just like.
Amanda
Taking bullets like in the Matrix.
Chance
Okay.
Shane
No, he dodged the bullets.
Chance
He stopped.
Amanda
Stop it.
Shane
He dodged the bullets. He didn't take the bullets. He dodged the bullets. Yeah, he famously did. Not. That is the most famous scene in movies that he famously.
Amanda
That's not true.
Shane
Completely avoided the bullet.
Amanda
Or he halted them all at the end. He literally took them all. And then she went.
Chance
Neo.
Amanda
And then he went and shoved them out of his body and then went back. And then they had that kiss, and it was like the Matrix. The end. I know you're thinking that. You know I'm right.
Chance
Stops them. And then he.
Amanda
No, at first, he takes them all and he goes. And then he goes against the wall and he spits blood. And she goes, she's right. And then he goes.
Chance
She's right. Yeah, just get up. So you're like, neo, before he learns the powers.
Shane
Get up.
Amanda
And then he gets up. And then he goes.
Shane
He's beginning to learn. Wow.
Chance
She saves him. And then the next movie, he saves her.
Amanda
She always saves him.
Chance
No, she has two bullets in her heart, and he reaches in and takes the bullet.
Shane
Yeah, that is actually true. Those movies kick so much ass.
Amanda
Except for the last one.
Shane
Last one's a little weak.
Chance
The one with.
Shane
Oh, no, the third. Third and fourth are both.
Chance
I have something to admit.
Shane
There is. Third sucks. Fourth is more of a very meta.
Chance
Yeah.
Shane
Allegory that. It's not, like a fun movie, but it's funny when you know the context.
Chance
I can call one more ex.
Shane
Oh, my God.
Amanda
Let's call your ex. And also, we were talking about Jennifer Conley. I just wanted to.
Chance
When were we talking about Jennifer Conley?
Amanda
We were talking about Paul Bet. Well, you started Jennifer Connelly, and then Chance said Jennifer Garner. Thank you.
Shane
Talk about Jennifer Garner.
Amanda
Jennifer Conley is married to Paul Betney. And then I never brought up Jennifer Garner because.
Shane
Well, I brought up Jennifer Garner.
Amanda
You think she's hot?
Shane
She's hot.
Amanda
So interesting.
Shane
I was gonna. I had a hot take. Is there a celebrity Jennifer that isn't hot? They're all hot. Whether you like it. Like, whether you like their. Their. They are Jennifer Connelly, Jennifer Garner. Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer. Jennifer Coolidge hot.
Amanda
What?
Shane
What are you gonna say?
Amanda
What are you gonna say?
Shane
What are you gonna say? What are you gonna say?
Amanda
Mind stuck.
Chance
Jennifer.
Amanda
No. No. Done.
Chance
I didn't have anything.
Amanda
I know you didn't have anything, so you don't need to. You don't need.
Shane
What was I gonna do? Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Chance
Wow.
Amanda
So hot. Can't hardly wait.
Chance
I can't.
Amanda
I can't hardly wait.
Chance
I need to die.
Shane
So I become a ghost so she can whisper to me, oh, my God.
Chance
Jennifer's body actually hot.
Amanda
Actually hot.
Shane
Actually Hot. No. I saw that movie when I was a teenager and I was like, yeah, she could probably kill me.
Amanda
Very hot. She would.
Shane
It would happen. She would know she's a monster. I'd be like, she would kill you.
Amanda
But you'd stay alive because you'd be so in love with her, you want to die.
Chance
You know that mean?
Shane
Can I know the mean?
Chance
There's. I woke up in this house and I peed blood this morning. The two types of gay.
Amanda
Yes.
Shane
Yes.
Chance
That house was the Jennifer. He worked on Jennifer's body.
Amanda
No way.
Chance
That's cool.
Amanda
The one that you were in the picture of you.
Shane
Wow.
Amanda
That's amazing.
Shane
Can I say. Can I say something, though?
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Hot take.
Chance
Okay.
Shane
I mean, of course, that time, even still, obviously Megan Fox. Super hot.
Amanda
Super hot.
Shane
I never understood the, like, people were like, she is the hottest woman ever exists. And I never fully understood that. I was like, yeah, she's super hot. But I don't get the. Like, she is above all. And that's kind of the narrative I felt like at the time.
Chance
I think there's some people that you have to meet in person.
Shane
I wonder.
Amanda
I. I will say, though, her face is beautiful like it is. I think it's very hot.
Shane
I'm not arguing. Like, I'm not saying.
Amanda
But you know who I think is the hottest woman ever?
Shane
Okay.
Amanda
And you guys might not know who this is? Monica Bellucci or whatever.
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
I think she's. She's in one of the Matrix.
Chance
Oh, dude.
Shane
And. And she was in the last. The Beetlejuice sequel.
Amanda
Yes.
Shane
And it's like the same. She is so it's ridiculous.
Amanda
Well, she's now dating Tim Burton.
Chance
Yeah. Which sucks.
Amanda
Bizarre.
Chance
How old is Tim Burton?
Shane
I don't know.
Amanda
I don't know. But it's such a weird.
Chance
But she.
Shane
No, she's. She's actually. It's ridiculous.
Amanda
Stunning.
Chance
Do you know Kim Burton? Kim Jong Il Burton? Tim Jung Il Burton.
Shane
What? What is happening? You just phase out of existence.
Chance
Tim Jung Il Burton is.
Shane
This is another one of those episodes where someone is going to be walking along and someone's going to go, hey, what are you listening to? And they're going to pull out their AirPod and go, I have no ide. I don't know.
Amanda
And that's Smoshmouth for you. Okay, we ready?
Chance
Yeah.
Amanda
Well, how recent is this one?
Chance
Super recent.
Shane
Oh, my God. All right.
Amanda
Are you gonna be, like, apologizing?
Shane
I honestly hope it's Angela again rolled up. I really hope. Please be Angela again. Please. Or call Courtney or something.
Chance
Hey, it's Chance.
Shane
Oh, hey.
Chance
What's up? What are you. What are you up to this weekend?
Amanda
This weekend?
Chance
Mm.
Shane
Oh, I thought I told you.
Chance
Oh, just remind me. I was. Well, I've been.
Amanda
I've been seeing your dad.
Chance
You. You what?
Amanda
Chance, seriously, how many times we gotta talk about this, bud?
Chance
I get it. He's bigger than me. He's stronger than me in more ways than. Sorry. Don't be. Hey, I get it. If I were my dad's son, I would sleep with my dad.
Amanda
Hang up now.
Chance
Hang up.
Shane
We're done here. We're done here.
Amanda
Tell Brett I said hi. Tell Brett I said hi. I knew it.
Chance
Oh, God.
Amanda
At first I didn't, and then when he said your dad.
Chance
That's a good setup. That was a good setup. I thought we talked about this. Right, right, right. Your dad's. Fuck. Fuck. Shit.
Shane
Fuck. That was such a good idea.
Amanda
He's one of the funniest fucking girls.
Chance
So funny.
Shane
That was brutal. That was good. That was devastating.
Amanda
You two at the Beyonce concert, you guys looked very cute.
Chance
We were menaces. We actually weren't. We were good.
Amanda
Angela told this story that your guys phones were on like 0% and you guys were like, oh, no, our phones. And she the guys. And then people like, do you guys want a free phone charger? Whatever? And you're like, yes. And Angela's like, how does this happen to you guys?
Chance
We all three got free phone chargers as soon as we walked in.
Shane
I think probably cuz your vibes are so, so good. That's like the three of you, like, your vibes are so like positive and like very aura.
Chance
It was crazy.
Shane
Like people were probably like. I. I'm not saying if people. Even if people didn't recognize you, I feel like people probably gravitated towards you guys.
Amanda
Yeah, you did get recognized.
Shane
Yeah, of course. I mean, of course.
Chance
Did you know that. That the SOFI Stadium is a YouTube partner?
Shane
Whoa. Let's get over there. Imagine recording Smoshmouth in the middle of SoFi.
Chance
That's sick.
Shane
We're on the Jumbotron. But it's in the middle of a Rams game.
Chance
No, you're like getting Dodge.
Shane
I get just absolutely level.
Amanda
You get leveled, you're out for the.
Shane
Rest of the disintegrate.
Amanda
Mid. Five minutes in. Five minutes in.
Chance
Oh.
Shane
The defensive end of the Los Angeles Rams has absolutely destroyed Shane. I'm just flat, like.
Amanda
I'm flat across there in the middle. Just like, get him, boys.
Chance
Oh, and I'll be in the mascot Costume.
Amanda
Why?
Chance
What are they? Rams.
Shane
The Rams or the Chargers?
Chance
Both.
Shane
Both play there because there's la Chargers.
Chance
Also goats with horns. What are.
Shane
No, Chargers are.
Chance
The lamb is a Ram is a Ram.
Shane
Chargers are like thunderbolts. They're like. It's just electricity.
Chance
Oh, cool.
Shane
This insane electricity, man.
Amanda
You could either be a ram or electricity.
Chance
I want to be electricity. Like static shock. Hell, yeah.
Shane
Well, the Chargers have that quarterback that you love when we were playing uno.
Chance
Oh, my God, is his name Nick or something?
Shane
What's the Scott. I'm forgetting his name right now.
Amanda
Fact checker.
Shane
It's Herbert.
Amanda
What?
Shane
Justin herbert. He's like 6 foot 8, like, surfer guy vibes.
Chance
Oh, that's hot.
Shane
He's. And he's really good, but the last name, Justin Herbert.
Amanda
A bit of an egg and, you.
Chance
Know, I'm gonna be. Get used to it when it's.
Shane
He's a great quarterback. He hasn't been able to make it work in the postseason, but he's. He's a great quarterback. Hey, man, I cannot wait for football to come back.
Amanda
I can.
Chance
He's not.
Shane
He's not going to be your type of. He's too. He's too boyish. He's not.
Amanda
He's not like, you like, boyish type.
Shane
He's not gruff enough.
Amanda
You like pretty.
Chance
That's why I like Justin Herbert.
Shane
Yeah, you'd like. Just. I don't think Justin Herbert's gonna be your type.
Amanda
Okay, let's see.
Chance
I had one more.
Shane
I'm trying to think if there's a quarterback that's your type.
Chance
Okay, here, everyone. I'm about to show Amanda a picture of Justin Herbert, and you're gonna hear her honest reaction.
Shane
Yeah, he's not. He's not gonna be your type. Okay, I'm pretty certain.
Amanda
Six, eight.
Shane
He's tall.
Chance
He's.
Amanda
But, like, his enormous.
Shane
His look is, like, very boy pretty, I think. Like.
Amanda
I'm not saying you won't think because I can appreciate.
Chance
Oh, she's not gonna like it.
Shane
No, she's not.
Chance
Oh, God.
Shane
That's what he looks like. If you go to.
Chance
Okay, this isn't what I thought he looked like. Oh, I'm turned off.
Amanda
She doesn't like it.
Chance
Let's see, you guys. I no longer like Justin Herbert. Oh, okay.
Amanda
No, no. Absolutely not. This isn't bad because he's also trying to be out in the woods, but I know he can't chop wood. And then I look at this and I go, no, no, no, no, no.
Shane
Yeah, see? Exactly.
Amanda
You cannot pick Me up and bring me back home at 10.
Shane
He can't chop wood. He probably could chop wood. He's a quarterback.
Amanda
He's sweet.
Shane
Sweet motion.
Amanda
He's sweet looking.
Chance
I can't chop wood, but whoa.
Amanda
He can do that.
Shane
They can.
Chance
Electric man.
Shane
Yeah. You didn't know this, but depending on what team they play for, they get different powers.
Amanda
No way.
Shane
Can you imagine? It's like, oh, you play for the Chargers. You can conduct electricity with your hands. That'd be sick.
Amanda
God, they're going to make a fantasy book about this.
Shane
It's going to be all, can I bring back? Can I bring, Can I bring something back? So there's been the debate of like, could 100 men defeat a gorilla in bare handed combat, right? And it's been settled. People are like the humans. Here's my new new one.
Amanda
I said I didn't say.
Chance
I'm so excited.
Shane
Here's my new one. And this one's way more crazy. There's a gorilla on the one yard line and he has a football. And there's 100 men scattered about the football field. The gorilla is going to beeline it for the, for the end zone on the other side of the field. Can 100 men stop him?
Chance
It depends on where the men are too.
Shane
I think in my eyes, the men are scattered. So it's kind of like evenly scattered. There's enough space in between each other. So they're not, they're not in one clump.
Chance
If the men are not working together, they won't stop.
Shane
Or what if the men are all there at the other one yard line, like Red Rover? I don't know, man. I think the gorilla gets enough speed. He like, but they need to, they need to clump together.
Chance
But make sure the gorilla.
Shane
What if the gorilla is very fast? It moves around the clump.
Chance
It's not going to move around the clump.
Shane
They could move around the clump.
Chance
The clump will. The gorilla.
Shane
What if the gorilla jumps over the clump? Because we're not talking about a fight.
Chance
We're talking about the gorillas can jump that high.
Amanda
Any part of.
Shane
I don't think the gorilla could like leap over a guy.
Chance
I don't think gorillas can jump that high. They can swing, but if they're just flat.
Shane
My take is 100 men. I know it's a lot. I think the gorilla can make it to the end zone past 100 hundred men.
Amanda
I'm like losing my power just listening to you guys. Like, I'm disintegrating over here.
Shane
I'm just like, you have a gorilla behind you.
Amanda
And he was for a different purpose, okay? I don't ever. I. He's not gonna be holding a football. He doesn't hold footballs.
Chance
He doesn't hold anything.
Shane
Well, yeah. He never got a chance, Amanda. He was gonna make it. He was gonna make it.
Amanda
He will run with a football and win.
Chance
He was gonna.
Shane
He was gonna get a full ride.
Amanda
Oh, God, I can't.
Chance
He was gonna.
Shane
He was gonna get a full ride. He was gonna be drafted first overall.
Amanda
I can't.
Shane
The league would have been different, okay?
Chance
I've got another act.
Amanda
I literally cannot.
Chance
No.
Amanda
So wait, did you figure out if all the men would fucking defeat a football gorilla?
Shane
We've determined that 100 men would defeat a gorilla in combat, but I don't think 100 men could stop a gorilla from getting to the end zone.
Amanda
You're into this? Mm. Okay.
Chance
Oh, I watched, like, 100 doctor strangers versus a hundred colossal titans.
Shane
Yeah.
Chance
Here we go.
Shane
God dang it.
Amanda
Okay. Real X.
Shane
Yeah, we'll see.
Amanda
There.
Shane
You're pathetic. Come crawling back to me after all this time. Fuck off. That was Barack Obama.
Amanda
You and Obama got together.
Shane
I couldn't tell if that was Barack Obama or the Rock.
Amanda
I actually thought it was the Rock.
Shane
I thought it was the Rock. And you know what?
Chance
The Rock. Obama.
Shane
That was an SNL sketch. Oh, yeah.
Amanda
That's incredible.
Shane
It's really good.
Amanda
So you slept with both.
Shane
Both.
Amanda
What was the Rock like?
Chance
Hard, I bet.
Shane
Yeah, I bet.
Chance
But soft for me because he's straight.
Shane
Oh.
Amanda
Oh, yeah. He is straight. Oh. Oh, God. Oh, right?
Shane
Oh, Chance. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry. We could not smell what the Rock was cooking.
Chance
Put yourself out there.
Amanda
God, I have the ick so hard.
Chance
Yeah.
Amanda
Started with the football, the gorillas, and now it's just. Yeah.
Shane
Can we. Can I say something? When football season begins again, prepare. Okay. Cause then it's gonna be time of year.
Chance
Give up Football season.
Shane
Time of year can be really hard for me, where I. I. You know, all the theater kids get to rule during the six months when.
Amanda
Football'S not going all wicked fans, like, yes.
Shane
Musical theater beard, boom. We're talking about. We're talking about all of this stuff.
Amanda
Oh, my God.
Shane
And I. I sit here and I'm interested, and then the second football gets.
Amanda
Brought up, you go, oh, I can get into football. No ick of you guys doing the Rock back and forth. That was the ick.
Shane
You know?
Chance
What? The Rock.
Amanda
No, I like the rock. I just don't want you guys, like, do it like the Rock. He's fine. Yeah, he's fun. Oh, don't. Don't come after me for this. He's in Moana. Good for him.
Shane
You like Moana.
Chance
Don't do that.
Amanda
Don't do that.
Shane
I love Moana.
Chance
Oh.
Shane
Oh, you don't like Moana.
Amanda
I love Moana.
Shane
Guy who's just trying to pick a fight. You're awful so badly.
Amanda
When is football season coming? So we can, like, September. Get some cupcakes for you.
Shane
Thank you. September. My birthday is also September.
Chance
Are you going to make fun of it? Birthday's coming.
Amanda
My birthday's coming. And he said that Football. Shane, in a nutshell. Sorry. I didn't want to. No, I didn't. I really didn't want to. I'm fully crying. I didn't want to. And it happened. I didn't want Volt here.
Shane
Right here. I loved how excited you got immediately.
Chance
The second I slipped up, it was.
Shane
Like a shark smelling water, smelling blood in the water.
Amanda
I was like, he up. Oh, yeah, I get to get him.
Chance
That's the stuff. Awful.
Shane
Oh, my God. I can't explain to people how giddy we get when one of us, like, any of the cast, like, messes up in any sort of way and the rest of our eyes line up. We're like, yeah, time to get you. And, you know, it's like feeding time. It's like, oh, oh, it's my turn.
Amanda
Time to take you down.
Chance
It's.
Shane
I see comments sometimes. They're like, they. They were making fun of them there. I'm like, you don't understand. We all. We all have an understanding here that the second any of us mess up in any way, it's over, it's done. And, like, you might feel bad for someone, but that person you feel bad for, they're going to do the same thing. They're going to come right a chance. That's. It's our understanding here.
Chance
There's something. So one of my favorite things on earth is the last of us joke. Yeah. The last of us. I will. The last sentence of an ongoing joke. Like, people are riffing, and then it's the last one.
Shane
Because it's usually not good.
Chance
It's usually not good. It's like, oh, man.
Amanda
It's like the bit ended.
Shane
You missed the train.
Amanda
You didn't do it. I know. I do it a lot. I just did it. And that's why you were looking at me, didn't I?
Chance
Well, Shane saved you.
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
Oh, Great. Oh, wow. But wins again.
Chance
But it's also a confidence thing, too. Like, even when you go up, it's just like.
Shane
Yeah, yeah, it's pretty.
Amanda
You just have to accept it.
Shane
Anyways, My birthday is September 14, which is around the time that football comes back, so cupcakes would be nice.
Chance
What flavor cupcake you fuck with?
Shane
I could do all sorts of kinds.
Amanda
Strawberry, sure.
Shane
I don't know if I've had a strawberry cupcake. Red velvet. I love red velvet. Love red velvet.
Amanda
Oh, that's what we're getting.
Shane
I like chocolate and red velvet a lot, but also like Funfetti's. I'm not. I'm not too much of a hater when it comes to.
Amanda
He's not picky when it comes to cupcakes. No.
Shane
Say it.
Chance
No.
Shane
Okay.
Chance
Booty cupcake.
Amanda
Sure you like booty cupcake.
Shane
Walking up to someone at a Barbie like, you like booty cupcake.
Amanda
And that's a pickup line.
Shane
There's the pickup line. I finally got it. Finally got it.
Amanda
Okay, who won?
Shane
All right, we can cut it off.
Amanda
Amanda laughed 22 times.
Shane
22 times. That's actually not as much.
Amanda
I thought it was way more. Chance left nine times nine. Let's end. And then Shane laughed 12 times.
Chance
What?
Amanda
What about tears? Tears counts as three.
Chance
No, tears do's count as three.
Amanda
Okay, so chance one. Try not to laugh.
Shane
All right. You're getting that cheesecake count three gift card.
Amanda
That seems so impossible.
Shane
We're getting you that turtle cheesecake.
Chance
Rena, it's working.
Shane
No, no, I actually.
Amanda
I want to call all your exes.
Chance
We can do that.
Amanda
Okay.
Shane
Okay.
Amanda
Well, guys, thank you so much for joining us for. Try not to laugh. I hope you had a giggly time.
Chance
Giggly, giggly.
Shane
Thank you, Chance.
Chance
Hey, thank you, guys. And remember, if you can't love yourself.
Shane
Thank you guys for watching. Bye.
Amanda
Thanks for watching. See you guys later.
Smosh Mouth Podcast
Episode #95 - Try Not To Laugh: The Podcast w/ Chance McCrary
Release Date: May 26, 2025
Hosts: Shayne Topp, Amanda Lehan-Canto
Guest: Chance McCrary
In the 95th episode of Smosh Mouth, hosts Shayne Topp and Amanda Lehan-Canto welcome special guest Chance McCrary for a rib-tickling session of "Try Not To Laugh." The episode promises a blend of humorous challenges, candid conversations, and playful banter, setting the stage for an engaging and laughter-filled listen.
[01:00 - 02:00]
Shayne introduces the "Try Not To Laugh" challenge with Chance. The rules are simple: engage in regular conversation, crack jokes, and keep the humor flowing without laughing. The winner will receive a Chili's gift card, a choice made by Chance himself.
Notable Quote:
Shayne (01:07): "The rules are you just don't laugh. Don’t. But we can have normal conversation. We can talk about whatever we want."
[02:00 - 05:00]
The trio dives into casual topics, but laughter begins to surface quickly. Amanda jokes about Chance canning bears, leading to Shayne’s first crack at [05:42].
Notable Quote:
Shayne (05:49): "And you cracked. I'm in the lead now. This is awesome."
[11:00 - 37:00]
Chance reveals his meticulous "hit list"—a compilation of every man he's ever hooked up with, complete with photos and names. This segues into a daring segment where Chance decides to make prank calls to his exes, adding a layer of excitement and comedy to the challenge.
Notable Quotes:
Chance (09:02): "It's called the hit list. It has pictures. You can blur this out, but it has pictures of every single one."
Amanda (13:07): "This was a sexual experience for me."
[30:00 - 37:00]
Chance executes his plan by calling various exes, including a memorable call to Dylan at the Cheesecake Factory. The awkwardness and Chance’s earnest attempts to reconnect lead to uncontrollable laughter from Amanda and Shayne, testing their composure against the challenge’s premise.
Notable Quote:
Amanda (12:54): "You crumbled. I'm in the lead now. This is awesome."
Chance (30:39): "Hey, it's Chance. Sup? Hey, I was just... my birthday's coming up..."
[14:00 - 19:00]
Shayne suggests resurrecting the classic "Dune yell," leading to both Shayne and Amanda attempting the yell in unison. Their off-key and exaggerated performances result in bursts of laughter, further intensifying the challenge.
Notable Quote:
Shayne (17:28): "Someone had to get into the recording booth and do that."
[02:00 - 07:00]
Chance shares a relatable Uber story where he felt socially anxious about requesting the driver to change the air direction, sparking a discussion on social interactions and personal discomforts.
Notable Quote:
Chance (02:00): "I don’t like talking to the Uber drivers. So I was like, um, could you turn the air a different direction?"
[22:30 - 44:00]
The conversation shifts towards the new Pope and various pop culture topics, including discussions about "The Matrix" movies. The hosts playfully debate character names and plot points, weaving humor into their musings on current events and beloved franchises.
Notable Quote:
Shayne (24:15): "He’s from Chicago. We didn’t know who the Pope was going to be until he was chosen. It could have been one of us."
[53:00 - 58:30]
Shayne and Amanda engage in a spirited debate about football quarterbacks, specifically focusing on Justin Herbert. Their playful disagreements and creative takes on fantasy scenarios, like a gorilla on the football field, add a layer of comedic tension to the episode.
Notable Quote:
Shayne (54:00): "I think the gorilla can make it to the end zone past 100 hundred men."
Amanda (57:45): "He can’t chop wood, but he’s sweet looking."
[61:00 - 62:30]
As the episode draws to a close, Amanda emerges victorious in the "Try Not To Laugh" challenge, having laughed 22 times compared to Chance’s fewer counts. In a lighthearted finale, Chance is awarded a turtle cheesecake as his prize, capping off the episode with sweet humor.
Notable Quote:
Shayne (62:02): "We're getting you that turtle cheesecake."
Camaraderie and Chemistry: The dynamic between Shayne, Amanda, and Chance showcases their strong chemistry, enhancing the comedic flow and making conversations effortlessly entertaining.
Relatable Humor: Topics like awkward social interactions in Uber rides and the challenges of phone conversations resonate with listeners, adding a layer of relatability to the humor.
Engaging Challenges: The "Try Not To Laugh" format, combined with unique segments like prank calls to exes, keeps the episode lively and unpredictable.
Pop Culture Integration: Seamlessly incorporating discussions about current events and beloved franchises like "The Matrix" keeps the content fresh and engaging for a diverse audience.
Episode #95 of Smosh Mouth is a masterclass in blending structured comedic challenges with spontaneous, heartfelt conversations. Shayne, Amanda, and Chance navigate through laugh-out-loud moments, personal anecdotes, and pop culture references, creating an episode that's both entertaining and relatable. Whether you're a long-time listener or a newcomer, this episode delivers laughter and engaging content in equal measure.