Our Biggest Confessions | Smosh Mouth 133

Summary

Smosh Mouth Ep. 133 – “Our Biggest Confessions” [March 2, 2026]

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Overview

The 133rd episode of Smosh Mouth brings Shayne Topp, Amanda Lehan-Canto, and guest Spence Spencer together for a signature hour of stream-of-consciousness banter, confessions, absurd humor, and major announcements. With Amanda back after maternity leave, the cast dives into life changes, bizarre hypothetical games, irreverent bodily talk, unfiltered relationship oversharing, upcoming Smosh projects, and the general chaos that defines their friendship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Amanda’s Return & Life Updates

• Amanda is back after being away for a while due to maternity leave, feeling “a little bloated” and humorously open about the changes to her body and motherhood.
• Banter about pregnancy, childbirth, and maternal life flows freely, including detailed (and graphic) descriptions (see [10:15]).

Notable Quotes

• Amanda: “I feel like there’s not enough songs by pregnant women for pregnant women.” [09:59]
• Amanda explaining birth: “Childbirth is not easy... there are parts that no one talks about. One of them has to do with vagina. And there's a lot of liquids...” [10:40]

2. Absurd Confessions and Banter

• Beans, Chili’s, and East Coast comparisons: The episode opens with a discussion about Shayne’s love of beans, Spence’s goal to visit every Chili’s in North America, and Amanda’s insistence that all East Coast things are fundamentally different. [00:05-04:15]
• Amanda’s movies and pop culture gaps: She claims she’s never watched anime, isn’t up on “Stranger Things,” and often confuses movies and actors—sparking teasing, confusion, and recurring jokes. [05:49-06:06]

Memorable Moment

• Shayne reading Amanda: “Take out the wheel and see all the shit Amanda doesn’t know.” [06:22]

3. Big Announcements

• Short Film Reveal: Shayne and Amanda announce they have a short film coming out, described as “a beautiful story only us could tell.” [07:24]
• 1 Million Subscribers: The podcast celebrates their milestone with dancing, laughter, and promises for future content. [08:40]

Notable Quotes

• Shayne: “Me and Amanda have a short film coming out. ... It’s really a beautiful story. Only us could tell.” [07:26-07:49]
• Amanda: “We've been working on it for quite a long time.” [07:36]

4. Maternity, Postpartum, and NSFW Realness

• Amanda’s ‘Maternity Leave Song’ and TMI discussions about postpartum recovery, lactation, and newborn poop. The group oscillates between genuine curiosity, discomfort, and over-the-top gags. [09:59-24:47]
• Breastfeeding and body talk: Amanda educates (and slightly horrifies) the guys with details, leading into weird hypotheticals (e.g., “Can men breastfeed?”) [34:03-35:09]

Notable Quotes

• Amanda: “After you give birth, your feet are bloated and no one talks about that.” [24:27]
• Shayne: “Spence is gonna drink Amanda's titty milk.” [25:22]

5. Games, Predictions, and Bits

• Absurd segment games (e.g., 'Pass or No Pass,’ ‘Water Slide Vocabulary’), mostly existing to escalate the chaos and confuse Spencer. [39:06-43:41]
• Predictions for 2026: Jokes about what will happen on Smosh this year—everything from wild celebrity guests to pigeons jacking off to Smoshmouth. [43:35-44:26]
• Smosh Summer Games Chain Restaurant Edition announcement: Each team represents a big restaurant chain, with hyped, vague promises for zany content. [44:41]

Memorable Moment

• Shayne (prediction): "I think a pigeon is going to jack off to an episode of Smoshmouth." [44:00]

6. Meta-Jokes, Relationship Drama, and Fake Fights

• Voicemails and fake spousal drama: Shayne’s odd sleepwalking habits & Courtney drama recur as running jokes, with staged voicemails and over-the-top accusations. [18:21, 26:11]
• Inside jokes about recasting Spence: The short film cast Trevor as Spence, poking fun at the click-driven fluidity of YouTube ensemble work. [38:12]

Notable Quotes

• Courtney (voicemail): “I think you did that thing again last night where you sleepwalk and take protein powder into the bathroom to eat raw.” [18:23]

7. Audience Q&A & Self-Deprecating Humor

• Open acknowledgment of the podcast’s chaotic format: The cast repeatedly circles back to mock themselves for a lack of structure, Amanda’s defensiveness, and their habitual oversharing. [43:41, 47:00]

Memorable Moment

• Amanda: “I'm not getting defensive." [33:19]

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Segment Timestamps

• 00:00 – 05:00: Beans, Chili’s quest, and random East Coast vs. West Coast riffs
• 05:00 – 09:00: Movie banter (rom-coms, anime ignorance), Amanda’s pop culture gaps
• 09:00 – 11:20: Maternity songs, body changes, pregnancy TMI
• 12:45 – 18:12: Post-advertising, baby Cole/care, faux-spousal drama erupts
• 23:15 – 25:30: Newborn digestion and postpartum oversharing
• 26:00 – 29:45: Another Courtney voicemail, side hugs, and “yearning” talk
• 29:45 – 33:20: Pride plans, LGBTQ community, and more Amanda defensiveness
• 33:20 – 39:40: Farmer’s markets, holding babies, Beer vs. Wine talk, lactation myths
• 39:40 – 43:35: Pass/No Pass and Water Slide Vocabulary games
• 43:35 – 45:27: 2026 predictions & big Smosh Summer Games update
• 46:00 – End: Voicemails, mutual apologies, deeper friendship moments, closing chaos

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Shayne (to Amanda): “You always say I’m mean to you.” [15:09]
• Amanda: “After you give birth, your feet are bloated and no one talks about that.” [24:27]
• Shayne: “I can't believe that. We're cutting that.” [19:45]
• Spence: “I grew up on the east coast too, and I thought I was the only Chinese person in my school.” [17:18]
• Amanda (on breastfeeding): “I love breastfeeding. I love it.” [25:12]
• Amanda: “Inside women, there is an A chromosome…” [34:30] (the group quickly deconstructs her ‘science’)
• Shayne (getting emotional): “...today’s been the worst day of my life.” [47:00]
• Spence: “You just started pumping into my cup.” [49:19]
• Amanda, sincerely: “That is just like me.” [47:56]
• Spence: “I think what you do is really brave.” [57:49]
• Amanda: “One of the hardest parts is getting into the characters because you really have to step into their spray bottle...” [57:56]
• Shayne (meta): “Smoshmouth is going to be bigger and better than ever. We're probably tanking this episode, but I thought this was a really good one.” [60:06]

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Tone and Chemistry

Chaotic, unfiltered, affectionate, and deeply self-aware, this episode marks Amanda’s return to the fold and offers both heartfelt moments and classic Smosh nonsense. Shayne and Spence alternate between gentle roasts, absurdist improv, and genuine care for Amanda. The recurring themes: “East Coast is different,” pop culture ignorance, bodily functions, relationship drama (staged and otherwise), and YouTube group-life meta-jokes.

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Highlights for New Listeners

• Amanda’s maternity/parenthood comedy: If you like parenting humor with zero filter, this episode is a gold mine.
• Ongoing bits: The Chili’s quest, ‘Pass or No Pass’ game, short film drama, spontaneous musical tangents.
• Sincere cast affection peeks through the absurdity: frequent apologies, moments of real validation, and “I love you”s.

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Final Notes

• If you like podcasts that feel like being dropped into the middle of a friend group’s inside jokes, confessions, and chaos, this episode—messy as ever—delivers.
• Upcoming: Next week promises a lasagna-eating, movie-ranking challenge, so stay tuned!

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(End of Summary)

Transcript

[A]

What are you drinking?

[B]

Oh, I made like a bunch of beans last night.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Really nice beans.

[A]

Beans.

[B]

Big. A big old pot of beans.

[A]

I love beans.

[B]

Here we go.

[C]

That's so funny, Shane Z. Funny shame.

[B]

Zuck, Dock, my love. Zoc Doc. Here you go. Welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane.

[A]

And I'm Amanda.

[B]

And today with us, our special guest, Spence Spencer.

[C]

Hey, Spencer.

[B]

Dude.

[C]

Dude. Shane, you're so fucking funny, man.

[B]

What's up? Okay. We have so much to talk about.

[A]

Hi, Spencer. And Mike. Funny, T didn't say anything about me.

[C]

Your mom,

[A]

Spencer, you can't just say my mother. You can't. Seriously, you guys, we have. We should we talk about something? We have a lot to talk to. Talk about.

[B]

Yes. Thank you. It's our you. I'm sure you remember two years ago we did an April Fool's episode where I had a big announcement. And this year we're talking big announcements over here. Amanda, you're back.

[A]

I'm back. I'm back. I've been gone for a while. Thank you. Yeah, I'm back. And lots of changes in my life.

[B]

Talk about him.

[A]

I'm feeling. I'm feeling a little bloated today. Bloated of the breasts? Nope.

[C]

I'm permanently bloated, Spencer. I've been turning bloated. That's funny.

[B]

Okay, so talk to us about the changes in your body.

[A]

Yeah. Since I have been gone, I have been eating so much, you know, same.

[B]

Yeah. What are you eating?

[C]

I'm trying to visit every single Chili's in North America.

[B]

No way.

[A]

I love Chili's.

[B]

Let's get closer to the mic.

[C]

I've been trying to visit every. Sorry, I'm not used to being in front of the camera. I've been trying to visit every single Chili's in North America.

[A]

I love Chili's. On the east coast, we have Chili's, but it's actually. They actually serve fish.

[B]

It's Chili's, but.

[A]

It's Chili's but fish. It's an East Coast.

[C]

Dude, can you imagine if there was like, Chili's and then they set up, like a Internet bar right next to it so we can, like, eat Chili's

[B]

and then go and eat the Internet

[C]

with it and then, like, have desktops.

[A]

Honestly, that would actually be really amazing. Like, then I could be like, on the Internet and with the chicken.

[C]

Yeah. Like, you can play games all day, all night, and then go and have some sampler platters and then go back and play games and like 24 hours. That'd be amazing.

[B]

I would do that with a book. I'm reading Unlearning Gender and Dragons right now.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's by that guy who looks like. What's that guy from? Oh, no.

[B]

What's he from?

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

We're doing it again. That guy.

[A]

You know who I'm talking about, though, Amanda. You know who I'm talking.

[B]

Amanda. Figure it out.

[A]

Okay. It seriously is the guy.

[C]

Ed Norton.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Ed Norton.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You knew that? So we knew that.

[B]

No, for sure. He's doing. He's making it an anime.

[C]

You're kind of like the Ed Norton of Smosh. Babe. Shane.

[B]

Babe.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Stop.

[C]

Funny. Shane. You're so.

[A]

Who does that make me?

[C]

So funny, Shane.

[A]

You guys. You guys. Who does that make me? You guys.

[C]

Maybe sort of like the.

[A]

Oh, I like a little bit like Winona Ryder.

[B]

Why would you be Winona? I don't know.

[A]

Why would you be Winona? Someone told me I look like Stranger Things. Why would you be one? This is what someone on the. Back on the. Okay. East Coast. Okay.

[B]

Welcome to the pod. That was a little. Just banter between us.

[A]

We've got a big episode.

[C]

You think you're Winona Ryder?

[A]

I didn't. I didn't. I didn't say that.

[B]

I actually can't believe. Do you know Stranger Things?

[A]

I. You watch? I watched. I watched the first two seasons.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I. I don't know. I could not keep with it.

[C]

It's the best show ever.

[A]

And I just could not. I could not get into it. There was something off about it.

[C]

What was off about it?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Okay. We're trying to get Amanda to watch TV this year. And I think. I think it's going to be a good journey for you. I think it'll be good for you. Spence, you good?

[C]

I'm just imagining of her watching tv. You like? I can't imagine you watching tv. You probably have one of those, like, DVD cassettes.

[A]

I love DVD cassettes.

[C]

Of course you do.

[A]

I had so many DVD cassettes. You know what? Actually growing up on the East Coast, I had so many DVD cassettes and we would put them in all the time. And Sleepless in Seattle.

[B]

I've never seen.

[A]

That's a good one. I've never seen sequels.

[C]

That's a good one.

[A]

Serendipity.

[C]

That's a good one.

[A]

It is one of my top 15 favorite movies I've ever seen.

[C]

I bet your favorite movie is you've Got Mail.

[A]

I love you've Got Mail. I love. Love, actually. Love, actually.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, but what's your favorite anime, Shane?

[A]

Shane. I. I don't watch.

[C]

Do you even watch anime?

[A]

I've actually. I've never seen an anime. I don't know. I don't know.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

It's just not. You know, I've never really tried to get into it, but I don't know. I just don't think it's my kind of.

[C]

Do you know Inuyasha?

[A]

Do I. What? What?

[B]

It's a real life. It's a real life story.

[A]

Stop. You're being mean to me.

[C]

No, stop.

[A]

Shane. You're being mean. You're being mean to me.

[C]

We love you, Amanda.

[B]

We love you, Amanda.

[C]

We love you, Amanda.

[B]

Take out the wheel and see all the shit Amanda doesn't know. Five. Do you know five?

[A]

Like the. Like the number?

[B]

No, no, five. The five. The game.

[A]

Gum. Five. Gum.

[B]

No, five, the game.

[A]

Hey, Shane, stop. Shane, stop.

[B]

But Amanda's not the only one that doesn't know stuff. Amanda's teaching me music. Right?

[A]

What?

[B]

You're teaching me music?

[A]

Yes, I'm trying to teach you music.

[B]

Chapel. Roan.

[A]

It's Chapel.

[B]

I think that's one of my top four albums of the year. Chapel.

[C]

I don't know that.

[B]

One of my top four of the year.

[C]

I don't know that is.

[A]

What?

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

Oh, nothing.

[B]

What are you doing down there?

[A]

It's just. Nothing.

[C]

What are you doing?

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

Let's just keep going. So we do have a big episode today. We are gonna make some predictions.

[B]

Yeah. We'll start off with a kind of big announcement from me and you.

[A]

Yeah, we have a big announcement.

[B]

Just telling the the pod fam 2026. Me and Amanda have a short film coming out.

[A]

We've been working on it for quite a long time.

[B]

And you guys are gonna get to see it.

[A]

And you guys are gonna get to see it. It's. It's really. I think it's really a beautiful story. And it's one that we really like, only us could tell. Yeah.

[B]

And you guys. Yeah, we've been working on it.

[C]

Shane, you didn't tell me about this.

[B]

I did. Baby. I mean. Spence.

[A]

Did you just call him baby? No.

[B]

No, no, no. Did you just call him? I know. Have you heard of the game Scott?

[A]

Scott. Did she. Did. Did he call him baby? No.

[B]

How many of us?

[C]

It's a game. It's actually game that me and Shane made up. It's me and Shane's secret game.

[B]

Right, Scott?

[A]

No,

[B]

Shane you almost got your baby game on Sunday.

[C]

It's a. It's a. It's a game.

[B]

You watch the game.

[C]

It's a game. Amanda.

[B]

My God, those offsides calls. I was like, no. Courtney was like, is there a dying bird in here? And I went, no, babe, it's me crying about offsides, making that short film. And then, guys, big deal for the channel. We're hitting 1 million subscribers.

[A]

And you know what we promised when we hit one.

[B]

Shane, I'm so happy. Watch me dance.

[C]

That's the.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

So good.

[B]

All right. Hit the music for 1 million subscribers.

[A]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[C]

Shane, you're the best fucking dancer I've ever seen.

[B]

I love you, baby.

[C]

What?

[A]

Oh, nothing. I was thinking about 10 things I hate about you. Have you guys seen that movie? Have you guys seen that movie?

[C]

My favorite movie's.

[B]

You could say your favorite movie, baby.

[A]

You could say it.

[C]

I think we're talking to each other telepathically right now, and that's really cute.

[A]

What is that?

[B]

Telepathically?

[C]

Telepathic.

[B]

I know you don't do this. You have to know some stuff.

[A]

I do. I do. I do. East Coast.

[B]

But wait, you have that. So. Okay, so we're catching up. Sorry, it's just been crazy. The podcast is kind of just like, follow the fun. So what we're talking about. We're talking about all the things. One million subscribers is a big deal. Amanda's been gone. You have that song about maternity leave that you want to sing?

[A]

I have. I have been working on a song about maternity leave. I feel like there's not enough songs by pregnant women for pregnant women. And so I've been working on a couple of songs that are focusing on both birth and after birth and pre

[B]

birth and Boston, too.

[A]

And Boston Rob.

[B]

Boston Rob.

[A]

Boston Rob.

[B]

We're gonna get him on the pod this year.

[A]

He's gonna. That's one of my predictions. Boston Rob is coming on smosh mouth this year, literally.

[B]

And Hillary Clinton.

[A]

No, she. She's not stooping that low.

[B]

I'm gonna guess. I'm gonna guess she'll.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Okay. Sing your song right now about maternity.

[A]

I can't. You. I. I can't sing right now.

[C]

Is it gonna be gross and bloody?

[A]

No. I mean, childbirth is not easy. It is not easy. And there are parts that no one talks about. There are parts. Yeah, there are parts that no one talks about. And one of them has to do with vagina. And there's a lot of liquids and where.

[C]

What?

[A]

Well, there's actually, like. They come all out of you from different parts of your body. There's blood sometimes.

[B]

What? Blood?

[C]

No blood.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, there is. Yeah. Yeah, there is.

[C]

Wait, can we get her to stop talking?

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

We're back to tell you that this

[A]

episode of Smoshmouth is sponsored by Zocdoc.

[B]

Shane, I'm gonna call you out right now.

[A]

Wait, we just got back. What did I do? Oh, you know what you've done?

[B]

You've been putting off your doctor's appointments.

[A]

Ugh. Okay, I've been caught.

[B]

There's no need to make it hard on yourself, buddy.

[A]

ZocDoc is a free app and website

[B]

that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors.

[C]

So.

[A]

So you can find someone you love. All you have to do is download

[B]

the app or go to their website. You can filter by location in network providers and the type of specialty.

[A]

I really should see my primary care physician.

[B]

You need to, like, now. And your dentist and your dermatologist. Make it easy on yourself. And if you don't want to go in person, you can find a doctor

[A]

who does video visits. Well, that does make it easier.

[B]

It is so easy.

[A]

I use Zocdoc all the time, and

[B]

honestly, I can find in network doctors

[A]

in my insurance within 48 hours. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com smoshmouth to find

[B]

and instantly book a doctor you love today.

[A]

That's Zocdoc.com Smoshmouth Zocdoc.com SmoshMouth Thanks, Zocdoc, for sponsoring this message. Now back to the show.

[B]

Ow. I hurt myself. Selena.

[A]

Selena.

[B]

Selena. Selena.

[C]

Selena.

[B]

Selena. Selena. Are you counting how many times we laughed. Selena. Selena.

[A]

Sorry, can we stop down for a second?

[B]

Are you stopping down?

[A]

Stopping down for a second? You guys, this is. I think this is going really well.

[B]

Just stop down for a quick second.

[C]

I played Fortnite last night. I played Fortnite for six hours last night.

[A]

Shut up. Seriously, you were being too loud.

[C]

What are you doing? Who are you talking to?

[A]

Baby? Cole's down there, and I have to.

[C]

Your baby?

[A]

Usually his name.

[B]

Your baby.

[A]

Yeah, I couldn't get a dinner today. Where else is she supposed to bring him to work on Wednesdays?

[B]

Literally. Where else is she supposed to show everyone? Your baby.

[A]

Yeah, you can pick him up or whatever.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Stop. Baby, call.

[B]

Spencer doesn't know how to walk the baby.

[A]

Stop. I swear to God. Stop it.

[B]

Be.

[A]

Be good dispenser. Stop.

[B]

Yeah, if you're. If you're Good at me.

[C]

I'll put you in a games video.

[A]

Is this okay? Is that crazy? Give him some water.

[B]

It's kickstart, dude.

[C]

Hey, you want to be in flip 7?

[A]

Is that tap water? Was that tap water?

[C]

You want to be in flip seven?

[A]

Spencer, that was.

[B]

Theodore Roosevelt was the 26th president of the United States. Anyway.

[A]

Okay, are we ready to get back in?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So smart, sweetheart.

[B]

Okay, so we talk about the things we're promising.

[A]

No, no, no. Put them back down.

[B]

We're going around the table and we're saying a hot take. Things you're promising for 2026. And you're. And you're. Hear me out.

[A]

Okay, I have a. Hear me out.

[B]

But then you also have to say what we're going to do for 1 million subscribers.

[A]

Okay, I actually. I actually. It's a game.

[B]

It's a game.

[A]

What's the game?

[B]

So you just say your hot take. Say what? We'll promise say hear me out. And if you laugh, you have to go wash your face.

[A]

Okay, I'll go first. Wash my face. I don't know. I have like three more episodes of smosh Mouth today. I can't wash my face in between.

[C]

I haven't washed my face in three years.

[B]

That's the truest thing that'll be said today. Okay, what are you promising for a million subscribers?

[A]

For a million subscribers? I am promising to try. Stop. Shane. You're so mean to me. I am trying to go.

[B]

She always says I'm mean to her.

[A]

You are mean to me.

[B]

I'm not the mean.

[C]

No, he's not.

[A]

I don't.

[C]

He's not mean. He's just drinking water.

[B]

Just drinking my cup of gordo beans. Okay, so what do you want to promise?

[A]

I am promising to ride my bike more. But wait, if I. If we get a million subscribers, I am riding my bike more. Yes.

[B]

Can you do that with like, after having a baby?

[A]

It's actually really hard.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Because the. The bike seat, it actually pushes up against my vagina.

[C]

Does your vagina just eat the entire seat?

[B]

Oh, you guys.

[A]

It doesn't eat the. It's not. It's not gross. It is not. It is not gross.

[C]

Do you have to get like an extra, extra large, like, seat?

[A]

It is. Yes. They have. They have post marriage bicycle seats.

[B]

Post marriage.

[C]

Wait, what if. What if we built you one with like a chair like this and put two wheels.

[B]

I. I've been saying we should do that on the channel.

[C]

Can you. Can you ride a bicycle indoors? Because I don't want to go outside.

[A]

They have like, soul cycle.

[B]

Wait, this is the year Spence gets on Peloton?

[A]

Spencer, you've never been on Peloton. This year I love. It's only been 15 minutes. Holy shit.

[B]

Spencer, what are you gonna do to celebrate Smoshcast for 1 million subscribers?

[C]

Probably re watch Lord of the Rings backwards.

[A]

I actually never seen it.

[B]

What?

[A]

I know, I know.

[C]

Probably gonna be Chinese.

[A]

You're gonna be Chinese?

[C]

Yeah, Spencer, I was.

[B]

I thought, you know.

[C]

You know, I thought I was Chinese for like seven years.

[B]

Is that real?

[A]

Well, that's so interesting because one of the parts of moving to LA is that I discovered Chinese on the East Coast. We do not have Chinese.

[C]

I grew up on the east coast too, and I thought I was the only Chinese person in my school.

[A]

Where are you from? D.C. how did I not know this? How did you not know this?

[C]

Yeah, I'm from dc.

[A]

I literally have my. Okay, so my.

[C]

It's just not my entire identity.

[A]

Like, you know, and my sister. I actually. Okay, so my sister's husband, he actually went to College near D.C. in Boston. And he told me that he had been to D.C. and there are like. A lot of people are in DC.

[C]

Yeah, a lot of people are in D.C. i thought I was the only Chinese person in D.C.

[A]

okay. So very. It's like a. I like, have a connection. I have like a lot of D.C. connections. Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so you're gonna. So you're gonna be more Chinese for 1 million subscribers, I'm gonna be more Chinese. Oh, guys, look what I got a voicemail from Courtney.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I'm gonna listen to it right now. Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Hey, Shane.

[B]

I know you're busy. Probably filming Reddit stories or recording us ZOC doc ad or something. Yeah, like that. But I. I'm just calling because I think you did that thing again last night where you sleepwalk and take protein powder into the bathroom to eat raw.

[C]

That's so funny.

[B]

Sit on the toilet. I don't understand why we can't work this out with your therapist, but I'm. I'm really getting stressed out because now there's protein powder all over the toilet seat. Okay, please call me back. Please call me back.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

[C]

Do you ever just feel like your wife's a. She's nagging you for stupid. Like, you have to somehow made that up, right?

[B]

Yeah, I wouldn't do that.

[A]

Like, you would never do that, Shane. I know. I like, known you for so long.

[B]

And we're going to cut that, right? Because we should be talking about, like, this mosh gas institute stuff and, like, hit 1 million subscribers. But, like, I would. I like. I. I like. I like. I don't use protein powder. This is all beans.

[A]

Selena, we're gonna cut that.

[B]

Selena, we're gonna cut that, right? Yeah. Okay. To my. Hear me out, dude.

[C]

I will never put her in flip seven again. If you just. You just tell me. Oh, you just tell me and I won't never do.

[A]

I have one. I have one.

[B]

You have a hot taker.

[A]

I have. I have a. Hear me out.

[B]

I can't believe that. Like, we're cutting that. We're cutting that. Yeah, yeah. What's it? What's it?

[C]

What's it?

[A]

Okay. Okay. My. Hear me out. So he is.

[B]

God.

[A]

What is his name? God, what is his name? He's the one. You know who I'm talking about, though. You know what I'm talking about, though.

[B]

You give me no clues to start from, so just any.

[A]

Okay, well, he has. He's the guy from that. He's in that movie. Spencer. He has. It's not the original one. It's this. It's the second or third one that they made, and it's not. Okay, so there's the. Okay.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

There's Mark Ruffalo. It's not Mark Ruffalo. It's not Mark Ruffalo, but he's the one before Mark Ruffalo.

[B]

Before? In what. In what context?

[A]

Before in the move.

[C]

In the big movie.

[A]

It's not in. I feel Eric Bana. It's Eric Bana. That's my. Hear me out.

[C]

Of course.

[B]

Spence, do you. Spence, do you ever hear me out?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Easy bunny from zootopia.

[B]

That's a good one. Honestly, I would have guessed Shania Twain for you.

[A]

I love Shania Twain.

[B]

I'm just getting into her music.

[A]

I love her.

[B]

I'm just getting into her music.

[A]

Really? Growing up, we listened to Shania Twain all the time. Yes.

[B]

Literally.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm getting into that. I'm getting into itunes.

[A]

Yeah. Itunes. That is exciting.

[B]

No, it's. It's like Court's showing me some stuff.

[A]

I love. I love itunes showing you some stuff.

[B]

Literally. Yeah. And we had a lot of listeners on our last episode. We were talking about the app, the news today app. Yes. She's showing me people.com.

[A]

yes, the people.com app. Yes.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Is this what you guys do on smoshmons?

[A]

Just, like, talk about Spencer? Yes.

[C]

Stupid shit.

[A]

Okay, Spencer, what are things?

[C]

Letterboxd. Love letterboxd.

[B]

I do love letterboxd.

[A]

What movie did you just see recently?

[C]

Tampopo. It's really.

[B]

And we. And you saw.

[C]

Yeah, it's about a Japanese ramen shop.

[A]

Ramen.

[C]

Have you ever had that?

[A]

I've had ramen.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you have any weird cravings after your.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Having a baby?

[A]

Yes. I had so many cauliflower crust. Ew. Love. Actually. It's actually really good. And it is super low calorie. And they say you are supposed to eat it because it helps the babies. It helps their stool be a little more firm.

[B]

Ew.

[A]

And so I was. I was eating so much cauliflower crust because I was like, I want my baby's stool to be firm.

[C]

Wait, the baby was pooping inside of your stomach?

[A]

Yeah. The baby actually poops. Okay, wait.

[B]

We're gonna talk about this.

[A]

Ew.

[B]

Okay. We're gonna spin the wheel and learn about where the baby. Baby poops.

[A]

6.

[B]

Where does the baby poop? In your stomach.

[C]

6.

[A]

So it's actually in a sack inside of me. And I am eating. And so the baby is actually eating through the nutrients that I eat through the umbilical cord. And the food goes in and then the baby has to shit. So maybe.

[C]

Where does it go?

[A]

It goes inside of me.

[C]

So you're just a belly full of.

[A]

Well, I mean. Spencer, that's disgusting. It's not just. It's actually not disgusting. And one of the songs on the album is all about that. It is all about Shane.

[B]

Dude. I know.

[A]

You're so mean to me. You're so mean to me.

[B]

Keep saying this here on sa. I'm mean to you. It's crazy. I'm not.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

Not.

[C]

Shane's the nicest person in the world.

[B]

You'll see it in the short. You'll see it in the short. Okay, it's time we play some games. Just kidding.

[C]

Yes. Finally.

[B]

Games. Yes. Spence, what do you want to do? What do I want to do?

[C]

Oh, my God. Should we Moosemaster Flip seven. What do you. You have two babies.

[B]

There's two.

[C]

There's two under there.

[A]

There's two baby Coles, but we just named them both Cole. Whoa.

[B]

That's your big announcement on today's episode? You have twins and they're both named Cole.

[C]

And you're not wearing any shoes. Amanda's not wearing any shoes. Amanda's not wearing any shoes.

[A]

After you get back from childbirth, your feet are bloated and no one talks about that.

[C]

Ew.

[A]

You guys, it is not gross. It Is not. It is not gross.

[C]

Hey, so my mom told that after you give birth, your. The mother poop is, like, really watery for, like, two months.

[A]

That is true. It is mostly water.

[B]

I read that in a book.

[A]

I was passing water.

[B]

Yeah, I'm reading this book about Cony 2012. Oh, yeah, I'm reading. No, I'm reading this book about Snapchat and the way it's showing culture, like, two sides.

[A]

Snapchat.

[B]

You don't like it?

[A]

I do not like Snapchat.

[B]

Oh, my God. My phone's buzzing.

[C]

How do you feel about breastfeeding?

[A]

I love breastfeeding. I love it.

[C]

Can I get a little bit of my Mountain Dew?

[A]

Yes. No.

[B]

Guys, SmoshCast is hitting 1 million subscribers, and Spence is gonna drink Amanda's titty milk.

[A]

This is some weird, fancy fucking. Yes. I'm, like, grossed out. I don't know. The way you're putting it into the thing, I think the fantasy is over.

[B]

That's crazy. Is that what this looks like when you. Is that what it looks like when

[A]

you're fing into my cup getting jealous? Shut up.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I got another call.

[B]

It's probably Courtney apologizing. Do you mind if I listen to this? We'll cut it out.

[C]

Damn, it smells really sweet.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Hey, Shane, it's Courtney calling again. I just want to let you know that I found your stash.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I found your secret stash.

[C]

What does that mean?

[B]

This is some freaky. That you have under our mattress, and I. I don't even know what to say. You know what I will say? I. I'm thinking. Don't come home. Don't come home, Shane.

[C]

Top.

[B]

Unless you want to fall down the stairs for real this time.

[A]

Oh, my God, Shane.

[B]

I want you out of this house.

[C]

I can't do it anymore. Just come stay with me.

[B]

Insufferable. Get out of my life.

[A]

Get out of my house.

[B]

Get away from my cat, you monster.

[C]

Okay, crazy person.

[B]

I feel like she's being a.

[C]

Right. Being a.

[A]

She's actually being really mean to you, Shane. And I know you're mean to me, but she's being mean.

[B]

We're gonna cut all that out, right, Selena?

[A]

We're cutting the. You know, we're cutting that.

[C]

I never. I never say this, but I'm actually really worried about you.

[B]

Okay. Let's talk about the Broncos.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I think the Bronx. So Broncos didn't go to this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

You're okay.

[B]

Let me just, like, shake it off.

[A]

You're so okay.

[C]

Dude.

[B]

Dude.

[C]

Your wife is like the witch in Fortnite.

[B]

No, I love my wife. She's amazing.

[A]

What is that? The witch.

[C]

It's like you don't know the way. The witch from Fortnite, it's like this big, long pterodactyl, like a really long beak. And then the talons are so long and it just scratches you. And. And. And the witch is also an alcoholic.

[B]

Okay, let's talk about the Broncos. So, okay, this year I said I would get a perm if they went to the Super Bowl. They didn't. So that's what I'm here to say, baby.

[C]

You can still get a perm. It would look good on you, Shane.

[A]

You would actually look really good with a purr.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

We can look like each other. Cuz I got.

[B]

God, look at that head of hair under you.

[A]

Let's see it.

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

Spencer, I love your hair.

[C]

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I don't like the attention.

[A]

I love your hair.

[C]

It's too much. I don't like it.

[A]

You don't like attention? That's true.

[C]

I don't like attention at all. It's too much.

[A]

That's one of my favorite things about you, Spencer. Really? Yes.

[B]

What?

[A]

You don't like attention? That you are so personable and loving and kind to me, and you always know how to lift up my spirits. And the hugs you give, the long, intense hugs.

[C]

You like this kind of hug?

[A]

Yes. Yes, I do.

[C]

I love giving side hugs.

[A]

Oh, my.

[B]

Okay, let's spin the wheel. Okay. Six. So, anyway, we have another announcement.

[A]

We are going to Pride this year.

[C]

I'm probably gonna stay home.

[A]

I've never been. I thought about going on the east coast, but there are just. There's like, so many people there already. And so I was like, I can't. I don't know if I can go.

[B]

Me and Amanda, we're going to Pride.

[C]

I love. I love the LGBTQ community. I just don't like people in general.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I can't be around a lot of people.

[B]

Spence is not coming to the US Pride. But we're going to Pride this year.

[A]

We are going to Pride. I'm nervous because there's going to be, like, a lot of women there. And lesbians. Abs. I don't know what it is, but they absolutely love me. They absolutely love me. And I'm. Shane. What was that? No, Shane, stop.

[B]

Don't.

[A]

No.

[C]

I feel.

[A]

Shane, you're so mean.

[C]

But it's kind of funny, Shane.

[A]

Shane. That you're so mean. Do not dunk on me.

[B]

I'm not mean. I don't know why we're all saying that.

[A]

Not dunk on mean.

[B]

Okay, so update. We're going to Pride, and if this video gets enough likes, we'll go as the chosen in Sarah Krais.

[C]

Oh, I'll go as chosen. Yeah. I love being drunk.

[A]

Two gay chosens.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And one straight Sarah. Christ. Yeah, they should really put the S in LGBTQIA plus.

[B]

And what's the S stand for?

[A]

Straight. Straight girl. So SG Straight girl.

[B]

No, that wouldn't make sense.

[C]

I like straight girls. Spencer, are you hitting on me?

[A]

No.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

That'd be crazy.

[C]

I'm loyal to one. One woman. One woman only, Spence. Olivia's mom.

[B]

Oh, yeah. You're obsessed with Olivia's mom.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This year. Are you gonna talk to her?

[C]

It's like unrequited love. You know that movie in the Mood for Love? Yeah, I'm. I'm that. I'm that guy. And Olivia's mom is the. The female character.

[B]

That's nice.

[C]

And we just, like, pass each other by. We don't say anything. And it's all about yearning, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I love to yearn.

[B]

You love to yearn?

[C]

Yeah, I love to yearn.

[B]

I'm reading a book right now about yearning and vegetables. It's about how vegetables are the biggest yearners of all.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that true? Yeah.

[C]

God, you're so smart, dude. And funny.

[B]

Dude.

[C]

Let's check out my new watch.

[B]

Check out mine.

[C]

G Shock.

[B]

Oh, new segment. Watch time.

[A]

Watch time.

[B]

We're talking about our watch.

[A]

That is a really nice one, Shane. Where did you get that from?

[B]

I got at the farmer's market at

[A]

like 4am I love the farmer's market.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It is one of my favorite places, truly. I go and there is this woman back on the East Coast. Their. Their farmer markets are a little bit different. They actually sell fruits at the farmer's market.

[B]

No way.

[A]

On the East Coast. Yes.

[C]

I'm pretty sure.

[B]

I think they do that in la, too.

[C]

They sell fruits.

[A]

Oh, I've never seen one that in la. But on the east coast, they have like, strawberries and blueberries.

[C]

We have that here. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. But. Well, I'm sure the east coast one is a little bit different because they actually sell them right next to, like. They have, like, flower stands as well.

[B]

They have those too.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, no. But the east coast one is different.

[B]

So the east coast farmers market could be similar to the West Coast. That doesn't mean really anything, actually.

[A]

I would actually, because it's in a different place, and therefore it's probably a little bit different because they, you know, they grow different things, and the people are different there, and there's. They have different.

[B]

It's okay if they're not different.

[A]

No, it's different because it's on the east Coast.

[C]

You're getting really defensive.

[A]

I'm not getting. I'm not. I'm not getting defensive.

[C]

And this video is going to be really weird if you are like this.

[B]

The video is also probably going to be, like, 10 minutes because we have to cut out when you were, like, breastfeeding and all of my, like. Oh, we were recording drama.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, how's Cole? Can I. Can I hold him?

[C]

There's two coals. Which one do you want?

[B]

Either one.

[A]

Cole one or Beta coal.

[B]

Beta coal.

[A]

This is Cole one.

[B]

This is Cole One. Oh, my God.

[C]

Give me the other coal.

[A]

Beta coal, get over here.

[C]

Beta co. Hey, why do you hate that?

[B]

How do you hold a baby?

[C]

This one's small.

[B]

That's Beta coal. Oh, I get it,

[A]

Dude.

[C]

Hey, you think I can breastfeed?

[B]

Oh, my God. We hit a million subscribers. Spence is gonna breastfeed this year.

[A]

Spencer.

[C]

What?

[A]

You can't. Men cannot breastfeed.

[C]

I'm pretty sure anyone with nipples can breastfeed, actually.

[A]

No, no.

[C]

What do you mean? Why are you doing that?

[A]

Only women can lactate.

[B]

Okay, so why don't you tell us a little bit about your lactating? Ew.

[A]

So inside women, there is an A chromosome, and it creates estrogen drink. And the estrogen actually hyper. What's it called? Hyper. Stimulates your circulatory system. And once it starts going where his.

[C]

Where baby Cole's feeding. How's he gonna play? Fortnite, which has no fingers, which is mostly calcium.

[A]

And the calcium in your body, if you eat well, it actually reflects what's going on in your body. And so then you're able to.

[B]

Diaper got on me.

[A]

Lactate.

[C]

Baby Cole's playing fortnite.

[A]

It gives the baby the nutrients because the breast milk is preserved. Blue 42 and one stone. The breast milk is. And a lot of women control a control a control. They started filling bathtubs the breast milk. And once the breast milk is in the bathtub, you can actually take a breast milk bath. Wait. Which is split. And your baby cold doing the split on a keyboard to absorb the nutrients.

[C]

Cole's dancing on a keyboard.

[A]

The nutrients that you absorb is actually really healthy for you and your baby. It's a bonding experience. And I've heard that it is really good for your skin. It soothes things out.

[B]

Remember that live stream where I painted about a butt?

[A]

And so that's basically. Thank you for asking. That's basically what breast milk does.

[B]

What?

[C]

You want to play farmville? You want to play farmville? Cole wants to play Farmville.

[B]

This is incredible.

[A]

Are they annoying you?

[B]

No, I'm actually. No.

[C]

We don't play Call of Duty, Cole. We play Fortnite.

[A]

I'm actually really hoping. I'm actually. I'm actually really hoping.

[B]

I don't know how to hold babies. Why is your baby being weird?

[A]

Stop being weird. Stop. I swear to God, if you embarrass me at work, I'm going to be so mad. I'm gonna be. I'm livid. You both are acting terribly. I cannot bring you to work if you are gonna act like this. You are embarrassing Mommy.

[C]

I like to play video games.

[A]

Beta. Cole, shut your fucking mouth. You know what, kid?

[B]

Hey. Hey, Daniel.

[C]

Hey.

[A]

Come here, baby. Come here, baby. Cole. 1. You're such a good boy. Mama loves you. Mama freaking loves you. Mama.

[C]

Do you want to raise this one together?

[A]

Mama would do anything for you.

[B]

Yeah. I'm down.

[C]

Ew. What is going on?

[B]

Selena, we have to cut all this.

[C]

Shane and I are gonna have this one. We're gonna have a baby together.

[A]

You can have Beta. Cole, what's the short film about?

[C]

Okay, so you never told me about this short film.

[B]

So me and Amanda made it. We're gonna release it this year, and

[A]

we're really excited because it tells the story of, like, how we met. What? It tells the story of how we met.

[B]

We're doing it in one shot.

[C]

Sounds really bad.

[B]

Shot in one shot.

[A]

Sounds bad. No, it's actually really interesting. It's really. Because we met at work. At work. And it's a different way than other people met at work.

[C]

Pretty sure I put you guys in a video.

[A]

It was a games video. And so it's the story of that first games video that we were in together.

[C]

I put you guys in the games video, and you're.

[A]

You're kind of in. You're kind of in it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

But we have that short. And. Yeah.

[A]

So we had Trevor play you. What? We had Trevor play you.

[C]

What?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why?

[C]

What?

[A]

We had Trevor play you.

[C]

Why didn't you guys tell me?

[A]

Well, Spence, you.

[B]

You were busy.

[A]

I think you were busy.

[B]

Yeah, I think you were, like, in a thumbnail meeting. But, no, we're gonna do that short. And hopefully, if enough people want to See it? We'll screen it somewhere. Excuse me. My burps are so small.

[C]

Yeah, I don't care.

[B]

No, it's all good.

[A]

It's all good.

[B]

Dude, it's all good. It's all good.

[A]

It's really not. It's not a big deal.

[C]

I didn't say it was.

[A]

It is not a big deal. And, like, people get recast all the time.

[B]

Literally.

[A]

And it is not a big deal.

[B]

Yeah, literally.

[C]

I would know.

[B]

Okay, so we have some new segments this year that we're gonna do.

[A]

We do have some new segments. We're really excited about them. We actually brought Spencer on because we wanted to try one of the new segments with him. Okay. And it is pass or don't pass. What? Literally?

[C]

Who produced this?

[A]

We say Selena.

[B]

Selena. Oh, Selena. So it's passer, no pass.

[A]

And so you give someone a pass or no pass.

[B]

And then each player has $5, and you can buy a pass.

[A]

Okay? So first round, Airplanes.

[B]

Pass.

[C]

Pass.

[A]

Okay, that's $5 for me.

[B]

Okay, my turn.

[C]

This game makes no sense.

[B]

No, it does.

[A]

It does. It's really good. Really good.

[B]

Ready?

[A]

Ready?

[B]

Julia Roberts.

[A]

No pass.

[C]

No pass.

[B]

Okay. No $5 for me.

[C]

This is. This game doesn't make any sense. This is not your turn.

[B]

That's it. Trust it. If you. Yeah, trust it.

[C]

Okay. Just say anything or anyone.

[A]

No.

[B]

No. So now you owe us $10.

[A]

That was 10. What?

[B]

If you say a sentence, you have to pay 10 because it has to

[A]

be one thing you just say.

[B]

That's kind of it.

[A]

Okay, I've got one.

[C]

And this is why I'm never on the show.

[A]

Steamers, specifically. They're like an East Coast.

[B]

You did a sentence. Oh, damn it.

[A]

Oh, my God. Because I had to tell you what seamers are. You probably.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Here, let me help you out.

[A]

Shane, your butt. Stop. Your butt is so tight.

[C]

Yeah, it's good.

[A]

Shame.

[B]

Your tight little butt. Oh, that's a segment that we're retiring this year. You're talking about my butt?

[A]

I love it. I love.

[C]

I honestly love time for this.

[B]

Five. Five. Okay. Next round of pass is the hard one.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Wait. Oh, my God. I literally didn't talk about steamers. Okay, so on the east coast, they're not like mussels. They are kind of like clams. And you put them in the top of. There's like, one of those boiling water things.

[C]

Hey, this one's crying.

[A]

And. Oh, yeah. And there's one of those boiling water things. And so you take the pot with boiling Water. And you actually salt it. And then you have this colander that goes on top. Oh, shit. And you put these.

[C]

Stevie, let's do the beta one.

[A]

Which are like these clams in the top of the thing. And.

[C]

And so pretend this is a basket on top.

[A]

And what happens is the steam rises and it opens up these clams. And once the clams open up, they become like, really moist and kind of like gooey, which is like so. It's like so nasty. But they actually taste really good. So you take them out of the colander and you strain them and then you serve them with like butter and oil. Oregano. It's only on the east coast because they only grow on the east coast, so like Maryland. And for.

[B]

This is a book about, like, the origins of understanding.

[A]

They actually serve them at a couple places here in la, but not. But they're all like east coast inspired restaurants, so they're not technically la.

[B]

More pass. Okay, second round of Pass is a new. Is a different kind of kind of game called Water slide Vocabulary.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Family Guy.

[A]

Spencer.

[B]

Spencer. That's not how you play.

[A]

That's not how you play.

[C]

Boobies.

[A]

Okay, Pass.

[B]

What? Pass.

[A]

I'm passing on boobies. I'm passing.

[B]

You're passing. Okay,

[A]

my turn. Yeah. Chlorine.

[C]

Amanda would say some like that.

[A]

It's in the. It's chlorine is in the water and it cleans.

[B]

This is a good one.

[A]

This is a good one.

[B]

I'm gonna say false.

[C]

I thought it was pass or not pass.

[A]

Well, it's.

[B]

It's round two.

[A]

There's.

[B]

It's vocabulary. Water slide.

[A]

Okay, so are you saying false or not pass?

[C]

False, not pass. False, not pass.

[A]

False, not pass was correct.

[C]

This game has no strategy.

[B]

Good job, Spence.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Okay, now we're gonna move on to predictions. We're gonna predict some stuff that we think's gonna happen. We were making some jokes about it before, but let's actually. Let's predict stuff that we're gonna do that's gonna happen at Smosh this year.

[A]

I think Smosh. I think someone is going to watch Smosh from death, bro. I'm just saying it. I'm just saying it. I have a feeling.

[B]

Okay, that's nuts. That's nuts. You write that down. That's crazy. I think a pigeon is going to jack off to an episode of Smoshmouth.

[A]

Okay, Shane, Shane, Shane. No. Pigeons even jack off. Do they even do that?

[B]

No. Spence knows.

[A]

Spence. A joke.

[B]

Spence, do you think pigeons jack off?

[C]

Pigeons for sure jack off with their Talents,

[B]

predictions for this year at Smosh.

[C]

I think that probably we're going to do Smash Summer Games inside a Chili's.

[A]

That's right, you guys. Today we are announcing Smosh Summer Games Chain Restaurant Edition.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, the teams are all based on big chains, and it's crazy. We got it sponsored. We're pretty excited about it.

[B]

It's literally crazy.

[A]

I'm not allowed to say what team I'm on, but you guys are really going to love it.

[B]

Are you good? Do you need some coconut water or something?

[A]

Coconut water? I love coconut water.

[C]

Yeah, of course. Amanda would say some shit like that.

[A]

And during pregnancy, they say that drinking coconut water is really good for your baby's. Your. The mucus in it.

[B]

I read a book about mucus.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then

[B]

predictions.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think.

[A]

I think there is going to be. Oh, sorry.

[B]

You're, like, sort of interacting, and it's kind of been, like, about you this whole time. Right. So you've been, like, playing with your babies and stuff, and we'll cut this out. Right. But my wife, like, reamed me.

[C]

That's what I was going to say.

[B]

The false claim she's putting against my name, that I bring protein power to the bathroom every night.

[C]

When you're sleepwalking. You can't control when you're sleepwalking and you're sleeping respectfully.

[A]

And I'm not trying to, like, I'm not trying to put you under the gun. I am just trying to say what I have seen personally at the workplace.

[B]

I don't eat protein powder in the bathroom.

[A]

I don't know what you do with the protein powder in the bathroom, but I do know that you do take it in during lunch. You take in.

[C]

And what's wrong with that, Amanda?

[A]

Then there is. And that is not what I. What is wrong with that is not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that you are taking protein powder into the bathroom, which is not a normal place.

[C]

It's not easy being shank top at Smosh. Do you know he's so popular he can't just be eating powder outside?

[B]

If you're going to talk about what I do in the bathroom, then why don't you talk about what you do in that pump room? Yeah, because we all here the TV in there. You got a TV in there, and you have a slot machine in there, and you have a butler. What is that? Huh? And all I want to do is bring some whey and gordo beans. I'm like, honestly, just can the episode. Because honestly, today's been the worst day of my life.

[A]

Don't do that.

[B]

I Woke up at 2am I went to the farmer's market, then I went to the gym and sure, I took a whole thing of protein powder and I. And I fucking downed it while my wife was just being beautiful in the other room.

[C]

Shane's life is really hard. I hate witnessing how hard his life is. And if at smosh, we can just help him a little bit, just a little bit to make him feel a little bit better.

[B]

How fucking rooms.

[C]

Not everyone has two babies.

[A]

I'm sorry. I didn't think about it like that. It is probably really hard to maintain your muscles and the effort that goes into that. And I wasn't thinking about it all. And all I did was give birth.

[C]

Yeah, like, that's right.

[B]

Like, how are we gonna learn about wine now?

[C]

And you're talking about going on a bicycle or something.

[B]

Literally.

[A]

Like, what even is riding bikes? I'm not thinking about how hard it is to keep up your physique. Like, that is. That is so typical Amanda. That's. That is just like me.

[B]

It's just. It's just like. I'm sorry. It's just like, you know, this year is, like, hard for me already. I'm, like, trying to get into fashion and I'm trying to get into like. Like, I'm trying to. Yeah. Like, I'm. I'm going to finish reading the encyclopedia by the end of this year and the Bible, and I'm trying to, like, literally, I'm on. I'm on Instagram fashion pages.

[A]

I.

[B]

Do you see?

[C]

Do you see how Hot Core is?

[B]

Do you know?

[C]

Yes. Look at Court's Instagram. Court is literally a baddie.

[A]

I don't know how to look at that.

[C]

You don't know how to look at Instagram? What.

[A]

Do you know how to open it up? They see the homepage. I don't really understand. And I have.

[C]

Yeah. Amanda was off Instagram for like two years. Do you remember that?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And you're like. And, and. And Amanda was like, I'm not gonna be on Instagram for a long time. And then she came back, I think two years later.

[B]

I'm happy you were here, Spence, because I think this is the last episode.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

More room for games.

[A]

No, it's.

[B]

What are you talking. I'm not gonna. I'm not. If you're gonna do this to me.

[A]

I'm not gonna do this to Shane. I'm. I'm literally not. I'M just trying to. I'm just trying to tell you what I.

[C]

You've changed, Amanda. Ever since you had changed a baby, you just changed.

[B]

Like.

[A]

It's not my fault.

[C]

You just, like, started pumping into my cup. I didn't even want it.

[B]

So inappropriate.

[C]

That was.

[B]

We were all sitting here and. And you made us all uncomfortable and we didn't know what to do.

[C]

I'm like, don't do. This is like my.

[A]

I thought you literally were supposed to explain that.

[B]

No, we didn't ask about it.

[A]

And I'm sorry. I. I guess. I guess I just, like. I don't know. I just needed to release.

[C]

Okay, I don't know what game you're trying to play. Amanda.

[A]

Spin. Just spin. Just spin. Shane, just spin. Nina, just spin. Five again. So I guess I talk about where the baby shits.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

So after the baby is born, it shits into its diaper. I guess I'm.

[B]

I'm hoping to see the Broncos play once this year. That's a prediction.

[C]

Dude, you see those videos of the. The viral videos of people going to Chili's and they order the mozzarella stick and there's that long cheese pole. Yeah, I watched that for 50 hours straight.

[B]

Finally, we're talking about something that matters. Jesus, that's amazing. What'd you do? You watch it for 50 hours, jerk off to it?

[A]

Spencer. Spencer. I actually did see one of those videos on my Facebook wall and I was scrolling through.

[B]

You have to get off Facebook wall. You have to.

[A]

I was scrolling through. I'm addicted. I'm sorry. The videos are funny. They are funny. They are funny. I was scrolling through and I. You know how I am on my Facebook? I am.

[C]

No, I don't know.

[A]

I am so addicted. I cannot get off of there. And.

[B]

Yeah, tell us about your Facebook wall.

[A]

And something that I saw the other day on a Facebook wall. I saw this video and I cannot tell if it is AI or not. And I was, like, putting on my glasses, and I was like, what is this? And it was like this dog. And. And it looked like it was kind of dancing in a way. And it was. But I was like, dogs can't dance like that. Like, dogs are not, like, on two legs. And so I was like, so is this real or is this not real? I'm so tired.

[C]

That's the most physical activity I've ever.

[B]

Stop talking, Amanda.

[A]

Sorry.

[C]

I'm so tired.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Okay, this is the segment where, I

[A]

guess, okay, I look at my face,

[B]

which, by the way, I'm gonna say it. It's all rigged. I know exactly what's happening. I read all the lists.

[A]

Okay, Spencer, I'm gonna look at my Facebook and you have to guess if it's on my wall or not.

[B]

Okay. That's what she's doing.

[C]

Amanda. Amanda's on Instagram reels because she can't tell the difference between Facebook and Instagram.

[A]

It says meta.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I thought meta was.

[B]

I'm gonna guess. One's about true crime, ones about an article of celebrities, and the other one

[C]

is about making jello shots.

[B]

Or the other one's going to be about why scary our climate is right now. Do you guys want to talk about that?

[A]

I actually can't get to it because I have cricket, so.

[C]

You have Cricket Wireless?

[A]

Yes. So I have no service.

[C]

Honestly. Honestly, Amanda.

[B]

Respect. Respect.

[C]

Crazy.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[C]

Guess what's on my. If I had a Facebook wall, guess what would be on my Facebook wall.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[C]

Whoever guesses right, I'm gonna give him a kiss.

[B]

I have to guess, right?

[A]

Okay, let me guess.

[B]

I have to guess right.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay.

[B]

A picture of Stewie. I'm gonna throw Shamu.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

Kiss me in front of Cole. The camera won't see.

[A]

I get Cole. Jesus.

[C]

Sorry about the tongue.

[A]

Okay, okay, I have a guess. I have a guess. I have a guess, Spencer, for what might be on your wall. Okay.

[B]

It's gonna take a long time.

[A]

Like, I don't know, the K Pop demon hunters, but all three of them are pregnant.

[B]

How about that?

[C]

Dude, that's accurate. Nice.

[B]

That's awesome. Yeah, thank you for that, by the way. That was really nice.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

For what, Spence?

[C]

Just don't worry about it.

[B]

I just feel like this year we're getting closer.

[C]

Yeah. Closer than last year.

[A]

I feel like we're getting closer.

[B]

Remember when you said, I think I'm also getting. Remember when you sent me that voice?

[A]

I think I'm also. Yeah, I think.

[B]

Well, if I have a voicemail from Spencer.

[A]

Did you guys see the movie?

[B]

Amanda, shut the upper.

[A]

Sorry, I thought. I thought it was my turn.

[B]

Shut the up.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, shut up. Amanda,

[B]

I have that voicemail you sent me last year that I keep every day.

[A]

You have a voicemail that you keep every day?

[B]

Yeah, you have to save it every day.

[A]

Hey, Shane, it's. It's Spencer. Just, you know, driving into work, seeing how you're doing.

[B]

You remember this?

[C]

I was worried about you.

[A]

Yeah, last night was great. I. I had a lot of fun, but, you know, I've been I've been thinking a lot about what you said when I was leaving. And I. I think. I think I'm ready.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So just, you know, whenever. Yeah, I think I'm ready. So, you know, just. Just. You don't have to call back, but you know, if you want to text or anything, you know. Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Love you. What are you ready for?

[C]

I'm ready.

[B]

I've been ready this whole time.

[A]

What are you guys ready for? I want to.

[C]

I'll book us the tickets if you.

[B]

If you. Yeah.

[A]

Where are you guys going? Are you going to the East Cow?

[B]

Amanda, shut the up. We're not talking about Boston. We're not fucking talking about Dunkin Donuts.

[C]

We're just not.

[B]

We're. Or Boston.

[C]

Why not?

[B]

Or your titty milk.

[C]

Yeah, titty milk. We're not.

[B]

So if you need to take a walk, then do it. Don't make that noise you make when you're off.

[C]

Why don't you just like go listen to some like, Mel Robbins or something?

[B]

She's doing that noise again. Ready? Cuz she ruins all the audio with the noise.

[C]

Sabotage.

[B]

You can't make.

[C]

No, Scott.

[B]

Can't get that audio out when you're making that weird woman hum.

[C]

No. Stop doing that. Stop doing that. No, no, no, no.

[A]

Selena, I'm not. I'm not trying to make the woman hum. It just happens after childbirth.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

It's a very normal part. And that's one of the. One of the songs on my album.

[C]

So. How long do you have to wait? How long do you have to wait to have sex after birth?

[A]

You can have sex the whole time that you're pregnant.

[C]

No, I mean like after, after, after any. Anytime you had sex right after you had a.

[A]

Right after. Right before.

[C]

And like, is it painful or you like it more?

[A]

It actually is like really. It's a really great experience.

[B]

It was a good way to experience life.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm so good at it.

[A]

Shane. Oh my God. SHANE Guesses I'm so good at it.

[B]

I'm so good at it. SHANE Guesses I'm so good at it. So. Zuck duck. Zuck duck.

[A]

P.

[C]

Thanks.

[B]

Hey, I'm sorry about that back there. I screamed at you. I. I've never even raised my voice like that.

[A]

You've never done that before.

[B]

And I'm sorry.

[A]

And I knew that you were going through something and I was like, let. Let him have his moment, you know? Like, do not. Yeah.

[B]

No. And I'm sorry.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I think what you do is really brave what?

[A]

Comedy? Yeah, it's. No, not that hard.

[C]

Like being a mom.

[A]

One of the hardest parts is getting into the characters because like you really have to step into their spray bottle. I mean, like Selena really embody and like it's not only just like, are the thoughts.

[B]

Shut up.

[C]

Shut up. The more you do that, she's gonna make the woman sounds. No, no, no, no. Stop the woman sounds.

[B]

Get some lip gloss and cut your bangs.

[C]

Think about Eric Bana. Eric Bana is waiting for you outside and pick you up, take you to Target. Get whatever you want from Target.

[A]

Put down my baby.

[C]

Whoa, whoa.

[A]

With your meaty hands. Got you now. Who's getting roasted? You big. You big fucking big muscly man.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

That's a compliment.

[A]

Like your muscles are so freaking big. Like.

[B]

Yeah, okay. Thank you. I'm.

[A]

And your hair is so fucking. It's. It's. It's like luscious.

[C]

Selena, is it okay to comment on your co workers physique like that?

[B]

It feels like a little inappropriate.

[C]

Feels like we need to talk.

[A]

I literally was and I was just

[B]

saying like, you're talking about my body and that feels inappropriate. We haven't talked about your body once today.

[C]

Yeah, like getting kind of uncomfortable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you want to say about me, Spencer? I, like, hate your, like beautifully wavy hair and I hate your glasses and the way they frame your face. And I hate the way you speak to me. Like we've known each other forever and we could continue to know each other in ways that other people can't imagine. And I don't know, something about your grip when we shake hands. It's. It's so stupid. Yo, a chainsaw.

[C]

Wildly inappropriate.

[B]

I have to feel a book this year. Smoshmouth is going to be bigger and better than ever. It's truly going to be one of the best years. We're probably tanking this episode, but I

[A]

thought this was a really good one. Spencer, you. You have been like.

[B]

I think you were funny in this.

[A]

You were really, really funny, Spencer. Like I was like laughing and I'm like, I don't usually like laugh, but. Spencer, you were making me laugh.

[C]

Okay, guys, I have a five gum meeting very soon.

[A]

Oh my God, I forgot we're doing that partnership with 5 Gum.

[C]

Yeah. So.

[B]

But next week we're going to try to eat an entire lasagna while. While ranking every movie we've seen and

[A]

one of my favorite.

[B]

Not one laugh.

[A]

I was laughing. Shane. Shane. I was laughing.

[B]

I'm sorry I screamed at you today.

[C]

Me Too.

[A]

I'm sorry. Oh, my God. I literally didn't even hear it.

[C]

Your wife's not a witch. I'm just really jealous. Cause I'm in love with you.

[B]

And I'm in love with you. And I.

[C]

My dream is to go to Tokyo with you and drive those Mario Karts on the street with you.

[B]

And you know, if you bought the ticket, I'll be there.

[C]

I know.

[A]

If you guys want to this summer, I'm.

[B]

Don't say it.

[A]

I'm going.

[B]

Don't say it. Do not say it.

[A]

I'm going to.

[B]

Don't. If you say it, I'll just let

[C]

you just say it because. Just let her say it. She's been a mom and stuff.

[A]

I'm going to the East.

[B]

Jesus Christ. May have gone. You know what? I apologized, but you did it again. You brought up the east Coast,

[A]

Shane. What are you mad at me?

[C]

Why

[A]

are you mad at me?

[C]

She would deal with a lot. I'm so.

[B]

You see what I deal with?

[C]

Yeah, I know it's a lot. It's a lot, Shane. That's why you're so strong.

[B]

We're gonna roll this pinwheel, okay? And if it lands on anything higher than 5, we stop the podcast forever. Spencer, do you agree?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Selena, do you agree? That's a no from Selena. Here we go. You better fucking wish your lucky stars.

[C]

I really have to go to this pre production meeting.

[A]

Oh, that doesn't have a number. Oh. Oh, it's one.

[B]

Okay, so what did I say

[A]

if it was lower than 6 or something? What did I say if it's higher than a five? Oh, we stopped the podcast.

[B]

Okay, so we're doing the podcast.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

All right, Next week we're gonna show Amanda Reddit about books.

[A]

I've never read them.

[C]

You guys, what do you guys. What do you guys think about playing Flip seven in Guantanamo?

[A]

That would be so much fun.

[B]

Do they have farmers markets there?

[C]

Yeah, I have a call with the marketing team over there.

[B]

I'm down.

[A]

My favorite movie is actually in. It's.

[B]

Let me guess, let me guess. Let me guess. Dodgeball.

[C]

Aaron Brockovich.

[B]

Which one? Aaron Brockovich or Dodgeball?

[A]

Both. No. And what's that movie? Oh, God, I knew I had it on the tip of my tongue. It has the guy in it.

[B]

I keep trying to bring us to a natural climax.

[A]

It's the guy. He's in that movie. And there are. There's like planes and there's Bill Pullman. No, it's not Bill Pullman. He looks like he looks at that other guy from the rom com with Julia Roberts.

[C]

Eric Roberts?

[A]

No, not Eric Roberts. And he has like get off driving and he has like on those little more. He has like, he's kind of bigger. I wouldn't say he's Italian. He's kind of a silver fox and he has like that gray, gray hairs on the top of his head but not on the, not on the sides. So it's just like kind of like a faux hawk thing going on. What is his name? I literally just had it. I literally, he's in that movie with, I can't remember if it's Scarlet Johansson or if it's Emma, Emma Roberts.

[C]

I haven't moved my body in 30 years.

[A]

And they both, they both like, oh my God, it's American Sniper. It's American Sniper. That's the movie. Okay, so the guy's name.