Reading Our Dumb Sketches w/ Tommy Bowe | Smosh Mouth 90

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth - Reading Our Dumb Sketches w/ Tommy Bowe | Episode 90

Release Date: April 21, 2025

In the 90th episode of Smosh Mouth, hosts Shayne Topp and Amanda Lehan-Canto are joined by special guest Tommy Bowe to dive into a collection of their funniest and most outlandish rejected sketches. This episode, titled "Reading Our Dumb Sketches w/ Tommy Bowe," offers listeners an entertaining blend of humor, creativity, and behind-the-scenes insights into the world of sketch writing.

---

Introduction and Setup

The episode kicks off with Shayne welcoming Tommy to the show, expressing excitement about sharing their discarded sketches. Amanda adds that these sketches, despite being initially pitched as great ideas, never made it to production, making them favorites among the hosts. Shayne humorously mentions that these sketches were written spontaneously, leading them to believe they'd naturally be rejected.

Notable Quote:

Shayne [01:04]: "We have a very special guest with us today, Tommy Bowe."

---

Bingo and Banter

Before delving into the sketches, the trio briefly discusses their ongoing bingo game, which humorously tracks their own quirks and antics. Amanda confidently bets that she's close to hitting bingo, leading to playful bets and laughter.

Notable Quote:

Tommy [02:58]: "You don't get anything, but I get $1,000."

---

Sketch 1: "Satan"

Shayne introduces the first sketch, "Satan," a character-driven piece where Tommy portrays Satan and Amanda plays Frisco, a TikTok cave explorer. The sketch unfolds in a fiery office where Satan interacts with Frisco, leading to humorous misunderstandings and satirical commentary on social media culture.

Notable Quote:

Shayne [03:32]: “Written by Satan. So, Tommy, if you could play Satan.”

Throughout the sketch, the hosts enjoy the dynamic between the menacing Satan and the overly casual Frisco, highlighting the absurdity of blending mythical elements with modern-day internet personas.

---

Sketch 2: "The Haunted House for the 1%"

Next up is "The Haunted House for the 1%," a satirical take on luxury haunted attractions tailored for the affluent. Amanda reads the role of Janjelica Monroe, an exceedingly wealthy woman hosting an exclusive haunted house event. The sketch cleverly critiques the excesses of the rich, using horror tropes to underscore social disparities.

Notable Quote:

Amanda [12:46]: “What could that be? Ooh, complimentary water.”

The hosts find humor in Janjelica's obliviousness to the true horrors unfolding in her meticulously curated haunted house, especially as the final twist reveals a personal downfall amidst the supernatural chaos.

---

Sketch 3: "Excel Championship"

Shayne introduces "Excel Championship," a parody of competitive Excel spreadsheet events held in Las Vegas. The sketch features commentators Rip Box and Dean Havoc, played by Amanda and Shayne, who provide comedic play-by-play commentary of the contestants' mundane yet exaggerated spreadsheet battles.

Notable Quote:

Amanda [32:16]: “Welcome Back to the 2025 Excel spreadsheet championships here in Las Vegas.”

The absurdity of transforming everyday software skills into a high-stakes competition elicits laughter, especially during the unexpected twist where the champion reveals a hidden, intimidating persona.

---

Sketch 4: "Possession"

Tommy presents "Possession," a narrative-focused sketch about a mother possessed by another spirit. The story humorously explores family dynamics and the chaos of dealing with supernatural events, all while maintaining a comedic undertone.

Notable Quote:

Tommy [38:31]: “What will happen. A mom puts two plates of breakfast down on the table.”

Amanda and Shayne enjoy the eerie yet funny scenarios, particularly the exaggerated possession scenes that blend horror elements with everyday family life.

---

Sketch 5: "Closing Time"

Shayne introduces "Closing Time," a comedic portrayal of restaurant staff dealing with difficult customers during the last minutes before closing. The sketch features characters Cat and Lish, played by Amanda and Shayne, navigating insistent patrons who refuse to leave, leading to exaggerated frustrations and humorous confrontations.

Notable Quote:

Amanda [45:48]: “These people aren't gonna knock me down.”

The hosts resonate with the relatable frustrations depicted, finding humor in the over-the-top interactions with customers, especially when the customers' behavior borders on the absurd.

---

Reflections on Sketch Writing

After performing the sketches, the hosts reflect on their journey in sketch writing. Amanda discusses her transition from slice-of-life sketches to more structured pieces with defined comedic beats, while Shayne shares his experience writing for platforms like "So Random." Tommy adds his perspective from improv backgrounds and sketch writing in college, emphasizing the importance of performance in refining comedic material.

Notable Quote:

Amanda [62:14]: “I literally would write slices of life. And I remember one of my drawers who I loved was like, you gotta stop writing slice of life.”

The conversation highlights the collaborative and iterative nature of comedy writing, with each host acknowledging their growth and learning through practice and performance.

---

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts express their enthusiasm for continuing the sketch reading sessions and potentially creating new material inspired by their guest's contributions. They share laughs over the absurdity of their sketches and the fun they had performing them, emphasizing the camaraderie and creative synergy among the trio.

Notable Quote:

Tommy [69:50]: “Thank you for having me. This is the best.”

The episode concludes on a high note, with promises of future collaborations and a reaffirmed passion for sketch comedy.

---

Key Takeaways:

• Creative Process: The episode provides valuable insights into the spontaneous and collaborative nature of sketch writing, highlighting the importance of performance in refining comedic material.
• Humor Style: The sketches blend satire, absurdity, and relatable scenarios, showcasing the hosts' ability to find humor in both fantastical and everyday situations.
• Guest Contribution: Tommy Bowe's involvement adds fresh perspectives and enhances the dynamic, contributing significantly to the episode's humor and creativity.

Overall, Episode 90 of Smosh Mouth is a delightful exploration of rejected sketches, offering listeners a mix of laughter, creativity, and behind-the-scenes glimpses into the world of comedic writing and performance.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Shane]

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[Amanda]

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[Shane]

Hello. Welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane.

[Amanda]

And I'm Amanda. And we have a very special guest with us today, Tommy Bo Bing Bong.

[Tommy]

Hello.

[Amanda]

Hello, Tommy Bo.

[Tommy]

Hello. What are we doing today, you two?

[Shane]

Oh, very excited. We are reading some dumb sketches we've all written.

[Tommy]

Yes.

[Amanda]

Rejected sketches. My sketches, I feel like, are ones that I wrote and pitched and they were like, great. We're not gonna do those, but that's awesome.

[Tommy]

Yep. My sketches are ones that from a while ago that I either wrote and was like, well, no one will ever make this.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Or because it's like too hard to make. Or like. And the other one is a character bit that I retired a long time ago that I turned into a sketch.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Tommy]

So that's rejected from myself.

[Shane]

And I wrote both of these this week.

[Tommy]

That's awesome.

[Shane]

Just. And no thinking.

[Amanda]

Just so you didn't reject anything.

[Shane]

Wrote them out, did not reread them. So, you know, I assumed they'd be rejected.

[Amanda]

Great. Yeah, I love that. Those are like my favorite sketches.

[Shane]

Oh, they're the best. Well, you know, ham cake.

[Tommy]

Ham cake was awesome.

[Amanda]

Ham cake. Right, Exactly. Which we did on Bit City.

[Shane]

Not technically a rejected sketch anymore now that it's on Bit City.

[Tommy]

No, now it's a selected sketch.

[Shane]

Exactly.

[Amanda]

So true.

[Tommy]

Maybe they'll select one of our sketches next.

[Amanda]

Maybe they will. And probably not mine. Because like I was saying to you guys earlier, the Biggest thing about the one. The first one I'm going to read. Not first, but like, when I read it is it. People were like, this is like a short. This is not a funny. No, it's funny. It's long and, like, there's thought. See, I read it and I think it's so funny.

[Tommy]

Okay, I'll think it's funny.

[Amanda]

It could just be me.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

Before we get into them, though, once again, it didn't happen last week. But. But we are close to bingo, apparently, right? Bingo cards with all of our mannerisms and stupid stuff we do on them, and apparently one of us is close to hitting bingo. I don't know who.

[Amanda]

It's probably me.

[Tommy]

I think my bet's on Amanda.

[Amanda]

Yeah, it's probably me.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

And if you win, I get $1,000.

[Amanda]

What?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

You don't get anything, but I get $1,000.

[Amanda]

I didn't know there was money involved in this.

[Tommy]

Sure is.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Wow. Just Tommy gets $1,000.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Yes.

[Shane]

Yeah. That's just how it goes.

[Tommy]

How it goes around here.

[Shane]

That's how the rules are.

[Tommy]

I run this place.

[Amanda]

Wow. That's where the money's going.

[Tommy]

That'd be awesome.

[Shane]

We have so many sketches. Do we want to start reading them now?

[Tommy]

Let's do it.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Tommy]

Who first?

[Shane]

Me first.

[Amanda]

Okay, you first.

[Tommy]

Pass it out.

[Shane]

I wrote this sketch. This is a very character driven sketch. And honestly, it was a character that I imagined for Amanda. It's called Satan.

[Tommy]

Written by Satan.

[Shane]

Written by Satan. So, Tommy, if you could play Satan.

[Tommy]

Of course. Is there any kind of voice or vibe you want me to be?

[Shane]

You choose.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

You know, it's Satan. And then Amanda, if you can play Frisco. Oh, and then I will read the stage direction. And Linda, I'm guessing, and I'll also be Linda.

[Tommy]

Okay, cool. Yes.

[Amanda]

Can I say something really quick? Do you know how excited I get when I get a new script and we have to table read it?

[Tommy]

I'm giddy.

[Amanda]

I'm giddy. I love it and I'm excited for.

[Tommy]

Oh, this is just the best. I love. I love writing so much. Okay.

[Shane]

Yeah. Okay, here we go.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Tommy]

This is the master interior.

[Shane]

Hell. Satan's office. Hell. We enter Satan's office, a cave of red and black rocks with large stalagmites and stalactites stretching up and down along its sides, seated at a large mahogany desk. In the middle of his of this space, we see Satan, a massive, red, muscled beast of a demon, writing something onto a scroll with a large skeletal bird. Feather. He presses an intercom on his desk.

[Tommy]

Hey, Linda. Remind me to torment everyone later.

[Shane]

Of course, Mr. Satan.

[Tommy]

Thanks, Linda.

[Shane]

He goes back to writing as he casually whistles. Suddenly there is a cracking noise from a nearby wall. Satan perks up at it. Rocks begin to loosen and fall away as a small hole begins to appear. Then a human hand reaches force.

[Tommy]

Oh, what the fuck?

[Shane]

The hands push the rocks further out, revealing Frisco, 40s, a bald dude with a soul patch. He's wearing capris, a helmet and a dirty Hooters T shirt. In his hand is a selfie stick with a GoPro. He speaks to his GoPro.

[Amanda]

Okay, we found another clearing. This one appears to be pretty massive. Pro limestone. I think this is limestone. Not sure.

[Tommy]

Who the are you?

[Amanda]

Oh, nice. A fellow caver. What's up, dude? I'm Frisco. I do cave content on TikTok. You've probably seen it.

[Shane]

Satan presses the intercom.

[Tommy]

Linda, did I have an appointment with Frisco?

[Shane]

No, Mr. Satan. I see no record of a dead or dying Frisco.

[Tommy]

Wait. You're living the dream, my man.

[Amanda]

The dream. Breezing and squeezing with easing. You know what I mean?

[Tommy]

How the fuck did you get down here?

[Amanda]

Well, I was scoping an unmapped cave right when I came to a drop off point that splintered. So I decided to pinch pince it. You know what I mean?

[Tommy]

No.

[Amanda]

Then I kept making me way down, finding an opening. Then I found another hole, which if you know me, you know, if I see a hole, I'm getting in it.

[Tommy]

What?

[Amanda]

Made my way to another clearing, then kept going. I'd say this is probably clearing number nine.

[Tommy]

This is the ninth level of hell. You're in hell.

[Amanda]

You know, caving gets a bad rap, but for me it's heaven. You picking up what I'm putting down, home slice?

[Tommy]

Look, I could get in a lot of trouble for having a living person here in hell. There's rules to this and. Wait, what are you doing?

[Shane]

Frisco is climbing into a hole nearby.

[Amanda]

Hey, you ever checked this hole out? Looks like it leads further down.

[Tommy]

What? No, I don't. I don't even know where that goes.

[Shane]

Frisco is squeezing into it.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, I think I can wedge myself in here.

[Shane]

Gonna scoop it out.

[Tommy]

No, wait.

[Shane]

Briscoe disappears. Interior. Mega hell. Continuous. Mega. Satan is sitting at his desk when suddenly the rocks nearby begin to move a little.

[Amanda]

Um.

[Tommy]

What the frick? That's crazy. Yay. That's awesome.

[Amanda]

That is so fucking good.

[Shane]

I don't know if you get served caving content.

[Tommy]

I sure don't.

[Amanda]

I know that you do, though.

[Shane]

It's. It's these clips of dudes, and it's truly. They. They're holding a selfie stick, and it is so. It's rocks. And they're like. They're like, all right, so we're coming through a clearing here. It's awful. And they're. They're all these dudes who are speaking so casually while they're like, okay, yeah, so I can barely get my hands through here, and I just gotta tuck through. And I'm like, what?

[Tommy]

I'm claustrophobic. I'll have a panic attack if I watch it.

[Amanda]

Absolutely not.

[Shane]

I. I kind of do when I'm watching it, but I'm like, what's your goal? To get to hell. Like, what do you. Where are you going? So I wrote, and I'm like, I think they could get to hell and they would be unafraid.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

I mean, I'm honored about FR. So much. We can totally work out the voice if you didn't enjoy that. But, like, I love.

[Shane]

He's definitely very much just your grip guy if he was into caving.

[Amanda]

Oh, I.

[Tommy]

Soul Pat. Soul Pat sold it.

[Shane]

Very much the vibe. Like a casual dude just hanging out.

[Amanda]

He's just living the life.

[Shane]

Exactly.

[Amanda]

He's not bothered by Satan or mega Satan.

[Shane]

No.

[Amanda]

What the frick.

[Tommy]

Mega Satan. What the frick?

[Amanda]

What the frick?

[Tommy]

Love. Mega Satan.

[Amanda]

This is so good, Shane. Because I agree. I. I personally cave.

[Shane]

I just don't understand it.

[Tommy]

No.

[Shane]

And I think so casual. I'm like, you're literally unable to move, and you have thousands of feet of earth above you, and you're fine.

[Tommy]

Can't do it.

[Shane]

You're. You're wild.

[Amanda]

No, I don't know if it's like an adrenaline junkie thing, but it feels like it is.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

You won't want to die.

[Tommy]

You won't catch me jumping from a plane. You won't catch me going into the earth. No, I like saying right where I'm at.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm giving out complete misinformation. But you know that free solo movie, the Guy who Climbed that?

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. Yeah, I saw that in theaters.

[Shane]

Climbed that mountain without any, like, gear or rope or anything.

[Amanda]

I remember.

[Shane]

I think they did tests on him and they're like, yeah, he doesn't feel. Feel fear.

[Amanda]

Like, he.

[Shane]

He. Yeah, there's something wrong with him feeling fear.

[Amanda]

Do you remember that doc, though? The. The one of the greatest parts. Was his girlfriend.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

I was like, I love you. I love you. And he's like, I don't know if I'm going to make it or not. Like, he was just so. She's like, I love you.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'm probably going to.

[Amanda]

They won and they won an award for that. Like a big award.

[Shane]

It's an incredible movie.

[Tommy]

Wow.

[Shane]

But it is agonizing.

[Tommy]

I can't. I'll let. You'll never see me a lot. Yeah.

[Shane]

I would rather do that than cave, though.

[Tommy]

For sure.

[Shane]

I'd rather climb up a hill. No cliff face with no rope or gear than. Than get down into the earth.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Shane]

If I fall, I fall.

[Tommy]

Is.

[Shane]

But if I'm stuck down there, I'm stuck down.

[Tommy]

Being dead an option because that's what I'd pick over those two, I think. Because it'll happen either way.

[Amanda]

Yeah. You will die.

[Tommy]

But I'd rather like just kind of go.

[Shane]

You'd rather just leave your body.

[Tommy]

Yes. Than have to.

[Amanda]

She'd rather. Peace.

[Tommy]

That's fair.

[Amanda]

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[Shane]

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[Amanda]

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[Tommy]

Yes. All right, here we go.

[Amanda]

Very fun.

[Tommy]

Here we go. Okay, let me think about. Let me think about casting. This is called the Haunted house for the 1%. So this is a haunted house for the 1%. I'm going to have Amanda do Janelica, of course.

[Shane]

That is of course the name.

[Amanda]

Of course.

[Tommy]

I will do all of the. You know the directions here. So just so you know, Janjelica's like really excited about this.

[Shane]

She's really excited about this.

[Tommy]

Okay. Right. And then I'll have you play Suzanne Shane and I'll be part of the group as well.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Tommy]

And I think that's everyone. I'll play the doctor and the woman and child as well. Okay.

[Amanda]

Thank God.

[Tommy]

Okay. All right. Here we go. I'm so excited. Exterior Haunted HOUSE entrance. At the front doorway of a house stands Janjelica Monroe, an extremely rich woman in her late 50s. She wears huge diamond jewelry and has very shiny hair. In front of her are a collection of 10 wealthy individuals.

[Amanda]

Hello friends and family. I, Jangelica Monroe, welcome you to the preview night of the Haunted house for the 1%.

[Tommy]

Angelica throws her hands up to present the house. We zoom out to see a two story middle class American home. The group applauds.

[Amanda]

God, it gives me goosebumps just looking at it. Okay, everyone, pop their Xanax and come with me if you dare.

[Tommy]

Janjelica opens the door for the group. Interior haunted HOUSE entrance. They all enter the first room. It's not what you'd expect. Cobwebs, darkness, et cetera. Instead, it's just a regular home. There's a table that says complimentary waters. Angelica, with whimsy guides. The tour tore toward it.

[Amanda]

What could that be? Ooh, complimentary water.

[Tommy]

She picks one up and shows it to the group.

[Amanda]

But they're not sparkling.

[Tommy]

The group is lightly startled and look to each other, enjoying the fear. She pulls their attention back.

[Amanda]

Now this first room will have a jump scare where someone enters and says, actually, I am the manager. But then he says, actually I'm your manager.

[Tommy]

A woman. Suzanne shrieks from the group.

[Amanda]

Suzanne, manners please. Remember, people work for us. Not visa. Visa. Visa. Not visa, visa. Okay, everyone. The first room is waiting.

[Tommy]

They all walk into the first room. Interior, first room of the haunted house. Janjelica leads the group inside. Immediately a lanky teenage boy in a Starbucks outfit pops in. Actually I am the manager. Suzanne shrieks again.

[Amanda]

Suzanne really? Really.

[Tommy]

Janjelica turns to the boy.

[Amanda]

This is the preview. What did I tell you? Save it for tomorrow.

[Tommy]

Yes, mother. He leaves. Janjelica gestures to a corner of the room. There a phone sits on a desk. The chair at the desk is faced toward the corner, away from the guests. The phone begins ringing.

[Amanda]

A phone ringing, ringing, ringing. But your assistant. Where is your assistant?

[Tommy]

The chair turns around. Sound effects of a thunderclap plays with an accompanying flashing light. The chair is empty.

[Amanda]

Who will coordinate the event?

[Tommy]

Suzanne lets out a small.

[Amanda]

Yes. Yes. Suzanne, yes. Now what could be next in Janelica Monroe's haunted house for the 1%?

[Tommy]

Interior room two haunted house hallway. Janjelica opens the door showing a long hallway. Inside it are a group of eight unhoused people. They're chill and minding their business.

[Amanda]

Oh no. It looks like our driver is nowhere to be found. We'll have to walk through skid row. Come on.

[Tommy]

She runs through the group of unhoused people who pay her no mind. She has her arms up guarding her head while shouting don't look them in the eye.

[Amanda]

They're not people. Oh my God.

[Tommy]

The group makes it to to the other end of the hallway, catching their breath through heavy breathing.

[Amanda]

Did anyone else feel like we could help them but we don't want to?

[Tommy]

The group nods and agrees. Of course, yes. Why would I want to do that?

[Amanda]

Of course you're late.

[Tommy]

It's all good.

[Amanda]

So in it, right? Okay. Now onto one of the scariest rooms we have.

[Tommy]

Janjelica opens the door and the group takes in their surroundings. It's the inside of a hospital room. A woman patient sits happily in the hospital bed with a child sitting beside her. A doctor stands beside the two. Oh my God. My life threatening disease has been cured.

[Amanda]

I love you mom. I thought I was gonna lose you.

[Tommy]

The child begins crying and holding the mom. The woman thank you doctor. Thank you. What do I owe you? The doctor turns to the group. He grins. What do you mean health care is free. Another lightning clap and flashing light. Suzanne yelps and falls to the floor, fainting. The kind where you don't actually lose consciousness. Angelica runs to her side, fanning her Suzanne My God.

[Amanda]

Health care for all isn't real. And it will never be.

[Tommy]

Suzanne regains consciousness.

[Amanda]

Now we need to get to our last room. My husband tells me it's the scariest of them all. He's even kept it a secret from me.

[Tommy]

Interior FINAL room Janjelica opens the door. There's just an envelope on the floor. She scoffs.

[Amanda]

An envelope. Okay, Geoff. Jeff.

[Tommy]

It's G E O F F, by the way.

[Amanda]

Okay, G.F. very scary.

[Tommy]

She picks it up. She reads the words written on the envelope to Jangelica. She opens the envelope to reveal a stack of paperwork. Janjelica's face drops. The host act is over.

[Amanda]

A divorce. But I signed a prenup. Wait, I don't. I don't have any money.

[Tommy]

The room gasps, then giggles.

[Amanda]

No. No, no, no.

[Tommy]

Suzanne steps forward.

[Shane]

Poor Janjelica. Poor Jan Jelica.

[Amanda]

Fuck you, Suzanne.

[Tommy]

The group starts chanting. Poor Janjelica. Poor Janjelica. They point and laugh. The laughing and chanting gets louder and more int. Intimidating. Janjelica's practically shrinking in the room.

[Amanda]

No.

[Tommy]

Poor Janelica. I have power.

[Amanda]

No. No.

[Tommy]

Exterior, haunted house entrance. Over Janelica's screams. We pull away from the house as the title comes on screen. The Haunted house for the 1%.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Amanda]

Holy shit. I see her melting like the Wicked Witch. Meow, meow. And then the house is on top of her legs.

[Shane]

Incredible.

[Amanda]

Holy shit.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

When did you write this?

[Tommy]

I don't know, like, five years ago.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Amanda]

So unfortunate. It feels so real.

[Tommy]

It's still very real.

[Amanda]

Holy shit. This is so good. Like, what Inspired, first of all, Jan Jelica Monroe.

[Tommy]

Angelica Monroe.

[Amanda]

Perfect.

[Tommy]

You can't. You know, it's the best name.

[Amanda]

Inspired Angelica.

[Tommy]

I had a. A long time ago, I think it was like 2018, honestly. Maybe 17. I don't know. I had a character show and it was the Halloween. The Halloween one. And so I needed to come up with, like, a Halloween character bit. And so it's a little bit different than what this turned out to be because I turned it into, you know, a sketch with other people in it. That one was a little bit more like. And now this room where there's. I was basically just telling everyone what the different things were while reacting. But, yeah, I just, you know, I think rich people are evil and so I wanted to, you know, make fun of them.

[Shane]

So I love that flip at the end.

[Tommy]

Oh, yeah. Where it's her house.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Poor Suzanne kind of also sucks at the same time.

[Shane]

She's always just freaking the fuck out.

[Amanda]

I love it. But Angelica is the type of woman that does have a little, like, comrade next to her who's like.

[Tommy]

Exactly.

[Amanda]

She controls and she's controlling.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Amanda]

And then at the end, there's an uprising.

[Tommy]

Right. I also like telling someone who's screaming in a haunted house to manners, please. I think that's so funny to Be like quiet.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's what you want. But then you tell me, like, no, no.

[Amanda]

It's for the 1%.

[Tommy]

It's for the 1%.

[Amanda]

It feels like a clue. Like old. Old clue. Movie vibes.

[Tommy]

Yeah, that was the vibe. Incredible.

[Amanda]

I love it.

[Tommy]

Thank you for. Thank you for reading your sketch.

[Amanda]

That was so good.

[Shane]

The sketch you wrote would have a character named Janjelica Monroe. Yeah, yeah.

[Amanda]

Jan Jellica Monroe. Monroe. And then Jeff, spelled G, E, O, F, F. Jeff. So rich. Oh, my God. Okay.

[Tommy]

Yay, Another one.

[Amanda]

Okay, here we go. Wait. Yes, here we go.

[Tommy]

Sometimes reading a script is just as good as having it done.

[Amanda]

Literally. I love table reading.

[Shane]

So much powerful.

[Tommy]

It really is.

[Amanda]

Okay, guys, so this one I wrote maybe two years ago or a year and a half ago, and I loved it so much. And when I pitched it, I felt like I was pitching it and I was just enjoying it just as much. Just for me, like, it feels like a me. Enjoy.

[Shane]

Birthday lady v2.

[Tommy]

Birthday lady.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah. I got notes on it.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

Cause it was like, oh. And then finally it was like, listen, I love this. We can't do it. It's not a sketch.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Tommy]

That's awesome.

[Amanda]

You're right. I wanted to just write.

[Shane]

I just wanted to write.

[Tommy]

And they told you this was more of a short, right?

[Amanda]

They told me this was more of a short, but I still love it so much. Okay. The only thing is there's only two people in it. Fuck me. Okay.

[Shane]

I'm happy to read stage direction or something.

[Amanda]

Okay. Shane, you reach stage.

[Shane]

Got it.

[Amanda]

Tommy, you are Melissa.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Amanda]

I am Marla. You. Melissa's just like, it's. She's working a shift at an inn. She's like, she's just doing her job.

[Tommy]

I'm just doing my job.

[Amanda]

She's not super mean, but she's also not like the friendliest.

[Tommy]

Right. She's just doing her job.

[Amanda]

She's literally doing her job. And her shift's like, about to end. So it's that kind of vibe of like, her shift's about to end.

[Tommy]

So I'm just. I'm tired.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

And I'm going to do my job and I'm going to do it right, but I'm not putting on anything extra.

[Amanda]

Exactly.

[Tommy]

Got it. Cool.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

Okay. Interior bed and breakfast. A front desk employee, Melissa Annoyed, is on the phone.

[Tommy]

Uh huh. Only about 10 rooms. We're a small bed and breakfast.

[Shane]

An older woman, Marla, prances into the lobby. She checks the free coffee. It's empty.

[Tommy]

Yep, all booked up. Anything else? All right, thank you for calling Mikasa Esukasa in. Goodbye.

[Shane]

Melissa lets out a sigh.

[Amanda]

Hello. I'm a guest here. Hi, my name is Marla. My husband are in the Sunrise Suite, the one looking over the river. I actually haven't been able to see the sunrise yet because there's very large pole that blocks the sun where it comes from the trees.

[Tommy]

Did you need anything in particular?

[Amanda]

Oh, well, it's. It's my birthday. I'm 65 years young.

[Shane]

She waits.

[Amanda]

And your coffee is out. And it's actually, it's been out all day. And I was trying to be patient this morning, but I didn't see the sunrise or get any coffee, so I just thought, oh, maybe they filled it, but it's still empty. And your website says complimentary coffee every day. There's not even sugars or little creamers.

[Tommy]

Oh, all right. Well, the kitchen's on a break, so. The kitchen is on a break. So when they open again, I'll have them make some coffee for you.

[Amanda]

Oh, great. So coffee by dinner time. That'll keep me up all night if I have a cup. Okay. Thank you.

[Tommy]

You're welcome.

[Amanda]

And your name?

[Tommy]

Melissa.

[Amanda]

Oh, hi, Melissa. I'm Marla.

[Shane]

Melissa types for a bit. Marla walks around aimlessly.

[Tommy]

Happy birthday, Marla.

[Shane]

Marla runs over, excited.

[Amanda]

Oh, thank you. This is actually my birthday sweater. I wear it every year. And I added all these rhinestones myself. And I made these earrings. They're little koi fish. Looks like they're swimming, right?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

The phone rings. Melissa picks it up. Marla speeds up.

[Amanda]

So my daughter brought me to a jewelry class. It's hard to do, but the teacher said I was actually really scared.

[Tommy]

Mikasa Tsukasa in. How can I help you? No, we don't have baby goats. That's the end down the street. Thank you.

[Shane]

She hangs up.

[Amanda]

Baby goats for what?

[Tommy]

Yoga, I'm guessing.

[Amanda]

Oh, I'll have to check that out.

[Shane]

Melissa goes back to typing. Marla checks the coffee again. Still out. She picks up a book. It's glued to other books.

[Amanda]

Oh, the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Oh, my God, Melissa, all these books are glued together.

[Tommy]

Oh, yeah, it's just for decor. No one really ever picks them up.

[Amanda]

Oh. Oh, so they're not real. Oh, on your website, you guys list that the lobby has a bunch of cozy nooks for reading and that you're essentially a library here. Even on your Instagram, you have all these pictures of people reading books, so of course I didn't bring a Book?

[Tommy]

Yeah, I don't handle our social media, so. Yeah, sorry about that.

[Amanda]

Oh, so you don't even get to see those pictures. Shoot, I really, really, really wanted to read on my birthday. Okay.

[Tommy]

I have some pamphlets here about what's fun to do in the area, if you want to read that.

[Amanda]

Oh, great. So I'll see all the fun things I can do that I wouldn't possibly be able to fit in because we're only here for two days. Then my FOMO will be through the roof. But thank you.

[Tommy]

You're welcome.

[Shane]

She sits down, humming, disappointed. Melissa tries to type in focus, but can't.

[Tommy]

Is there. Is there anything else you need, Marla?

[Amanda]

Oh, no, I'm just waiting for the class to start.

[Tommy]

What class?

[Amanda]

The creative writing class on your website under Events. It said you guys were hosting it today here in the lobby. It said they'd supply everyone with their own spiral notebook and muffins. I'm going to be writing a short story about the first time I got my period and how traumatic that was for a girl growing up in the 50s, especially when her mother was deep in the church.

[Tommy]

Oh. Did it say on our event?

[Shane]

She looks on the computer, huh?

[Amanda]

Yes, it does.

[Tommy]

That's me.

[Amanda]

Oh, shit. My bad.

[Tommy]

Sorry. Yeah. Oh, it does. You know, I haven't even heard from the guy teaching it, so I don't think.

[Amanda]

Wait, so there's no creative writing class today? On my birthday. On my birthday?

[Tommy]

No. I think you're the only one who showed up, so I think it's safe to say no.

[Shane]

Marla starts to cry.

[Tommy]

I have a notepad and pen over here. You're more than welcome to use it.

[Amanda]

Sure. Yeah. A notepad where the pages rip out so easily and I could lose a whole chapter in an instant, but okay. Thanks.

[Shane]

Melissa brings it over to Marlo, who's crying on the couch.

[Tommy]

I. I'm sorry.

[Amanda]

It's okay. Wait.

[Shane]

She grabs Melissa's hand hard.

[Amanda]

Can you start the fire? Because it hasn't been lit the entire time we've been here. And the website said tonight was champagne and love notes where we write future notes to ourselves and burn it in the fire, and it's not even lit. And this sweater. This sweater isn't warm. It's just for show.

[Tommy]

Oh, right. So our wood is wet.

[Amanda]

What?

[Tommy]

Someone left all the wood by the outdoor shower, so it's just. It's been getting soaked. It's.

[Amanda]

I didn't even know you had an outdoor shower. It's not listed.

[Tommy]

Well, I'll get new wood and light it tonight.

[Amanda]

Oh, tonight. I mean, by the time it gets lit, it might not even be my birthday anymore.

[Tommy]

I.

[Amanda]

Please, please, please, Melissa. I'm missing my granddaughter's first communion to be here. I just need one day about me. Just one day.

[Shane]

Melissa slips her hand free.

[Tommy]

How about I give you a bottle of champagne?

[Amanda]

Oh, okay, great. I mean, if. I mean, if I have a whole bottle, I'll have to sleep sitting up because the heartburn will be so bad.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

Melissa walks off. Marla begins to write.

[Amanda]

Thank you, Melissa. Okay. It was 1957. I arose from my bed and my stomach began to churn. Ouch. I thought this must be my period. I thought I went to my mother. She shook her head. The church. I thought we didn't speak. We didn't speak for years after that.

[Shane]

Marla gets up and tries the coffee one more time. Still out.

[Amanda]

But it says on the website, blackout.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Amanda]

See why that's not a sketch and a short film? Dude, I wrote that for me. Poor me.

[Shane]

You're just having a great time.

[Tommy]

But it's my birthday.

[Amanda]

But it's my. This is a 100% inspiration of my mother. Really. 100. My mom goes to places, and she wants all the amenities. If it's written, it doesn't give a fuck if she doesn't eat it or drink it.

[Tommy]

She wants the option.

[Amanda]

She wants the amenities. And this is what she's like a lot when you go away.

[Shane]

I feel bad for Marla. I'm like, she just wants to talk to someone.

[Amanda]

I know she just wants to hang out.

[Shane]

Oh, man. It's.

[Amanda]

It's a play.

[Shane]

It's like a play.

[Tommy]

This is awesome.

[Shane]

How common it is. Like, I experienced this with, like, older dudes, I think a lot where you're just out and an older dude just starts talking to you.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

He's like, you just want to talk to somebody. Same, same.

[Amanda]

Yeah, but unfortunately, like, all my sisters know that this is my mom. She will not be satisfied until she gets all the free stuff. And she. Then she wants us, as her daughters to also get all the free stuff and then make sure we, like, go and use it. And she'll be very upset. It'll be like, midnight. And she's like, did you go use the spa? Did you use this? Did you drink the spa water? Because it's there. You need to drink.

[Shane]

She ever signed up for, like. Like, how they offer classes and stuff at hotel?

[Amanda]

100%.

[Tommy]

Really?

[Shane]

Never heard of anyone either. They all have them.

[Amanda]

But this also was inspired because H. And I, like, went away for Christmas, but they had, like, a really bad snowstorm, and they had a lot of things on the website, and we were, like, waiting in the lob, puppy. We're like, oh, champagne and love notes. So cute.

[Tommy]

Oh.

[Amanda]

And we were the only ones there. And she's like, yeah, I don't know. It's like, totally canceled because he's not. The guy didn't show up.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's real.

[Amanda]

A lot of this is also real.

[Tommy]

And definitely happen to me.

[Amanda]

And I was like, oh, I'm my mother. I'm my mother.

[Shane]

I think you're gonna. I think someday when you're in your 60s, you're gonna do this to people just for fun.

[Tommy]

Oh, yeah. It'll be like a troll session, just going to the.

[Amanda]

I just picture a woman going to the coffee, and she knows it's out.

[Tommy]

She didn't see anyone refill it, but she's gonna go do it one more time.

[Amanda]

She's gonna keep going back just to see it's out on my birthday. Oh, there you guys go.

[Tommy]

I think my favorite part was the 65 years young. She waits just like the.

[Amanda]

And Melissa's like, okay, welcome to Mikasa Tsukasa.

[Shane]

She feels like a White Lotus character.

[Tommy]

Yeah, she does.

[Shane]

I mean, she is very, like, what's her name?

[Amanda]

That's why I love White Lotus.

[Shane]

Yeah. Parker Posey just very coded in that way.

[Amanda]

Parker Posey's character triggers me. I don't know why.

[Tommy]

Me too.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, Because I'm just like, where are.

[Tommy]

Wake up, Wake up. Come out.

[Amanda]

Wake up. Come on.

[Shane]

Well, I have my next sketch.

[Amanda]

Yay.

[Shane]

Let's do it. This one. I forgot to put the title on. It's called Excel Championship. So I was trying to write a sketch, and I was like, I need a suggestion. And Rachel was like, oh, here's something. And she sent me a link. And there are actual Excel spreadsheet championships held in Las Vegas.

[Tommy]

Got it. Excel. Like. Like the document spreadsheet.

[Shane]

Like, and so they.

[Amanda]

What?

[Shane]

It's. It's held in giant convention centers and.

[Amanda]

A bunch of computers.

[Shane]

Bunch of computers with that are projected onto big screens for everyone to see the. The sheets that they're making and the graphs and all that stuff. So I was like, you know what? This is great. So you'll play Rip Box, and I'll play Dean Havoc and Tommy. If you could play all the contestants, all the competitors.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

And then also the directions and also give stage direction.

[Tommy]

Okay, great. Happy to.

[Shane]

Great.

[Tommy]

Okay. Interior, Las Vegas Convention center night, we enter on Excel 2025 championship, a real event that actually happens every year that Rachel told me about. Anyways, we See Box and Havok 2 radio DJs who are in a commentator booth that is miraculously floating midair.

[Amanda]

Welcome Back to the 2025 Excel spreadsheet championships here in Las Vegas. I'm Rip Box here with my co host, Dean Havoc.

[Shane]

Thanks, Rip. We've already had a stunning series of events today. A lot of formulas and graphs and other shit.

[Amanda]

That's. That's right, Dean. Look, I gotta be honest. I don't really know shit about fuck when it comes to this shit. I dabbled in Ms. Paint back in my day, but drew a few boobs. But this is the big leagues.

[Shane]

Indeed it is, Rip. These competitors are the real deal. Now let's meet our next contenders. First up we got Jared Bunk from Sarasota.

[Tommy]

We see a sizzle reel of Jared. He's exactly who you'd think an Excel champion would look like. We see spinning shots of him in a dark lit room with close ups of his sweaty face behind his spectacles. We see him typing intensely at a computer as VO of his voiceover plays over. I'm Jared. I'm 35. I've been using Excel since the 90s and I think my specialty in pie charts is going to come in handy today.

[Shane]

Very cool. Love pie. Next up.

[Amanda]

Jesus.

[Shane]

Next up we got Mickey Rogers from Irwindale.

[Tommy]

We see a sizzle of Mickey, a short balding guy. Hi, Mickey. I love Excel.

[Amanda]

It's really good, nice, mysterious. Finally, let's see here we have Victor. Victor Novikov from Belarus.

[Tommy]

We see.

[Amanda]

Ha ha.

[Tommy]

We see Victor, a massive 6 foot 6 monster of a man with a beard and buzzed mohawk. He is wearing only tight shorts designed for a wrestler and is covered in tattoos. Victor Novikov. I excel at Kill you Jesus. We now see the three competitors at their respective computers. Jared and Mickey both shift around nervously as we pan over to Victor, who is staring them down coldly.

[Shane]

Gonna be a really interesting matchup here today, Rip. Mickey tends to be more formula focused, while Jared tends to rely on graphs.

[Amanda]

Yeah, that's right, Dean. And Victor will present an interesting challenge as he's versed in Brazilian jiu jitsu and knife fighting.

[Tommy]

The ref blows the whistle and the competitors begin their sheets.

[Shane]

Right off the bat, we see Mickey building a nice deck of correlating numbers and a satisfying color coordination.

[Amanda]

Oh yeah. Jared's off to a hot start with several pie charts already formed.

[Tommy]

We then see Victor's sheet, which is an entirely empty sheet, except for one box in the corner where he slowly types out something.

[Shane]

Victor appears to be writing what looks like a name. I believe it says Nancy Bunk.

[Tommy]

Jared looks over at Victor's computer and begins to freak out.

[Amanda]

He's now writing what looks like an address.

[Shane]

300 West Olive Grove.

[Tommy]

Jared stands up, terrified. That's my mom's house. Oh, my God.

[Amanda]

Mom.

[Tommy]

Jared, please. Ooh.

[Amanda]

And Jared has left the ring, which is an instant dq. You hate to see it.

[Shane]

Some people just can't handle the big leagues.

[Tommy]

Mickey's sheet is looking incredible.

[Amanda]

Wow. Mickey is absolutely in the lead right now. Just look at the details on that sheet.

[Shane]

Gonna be really hard for Victor to catch up at this rate.

[Tommy]

We pan over to see Victor has disappeared.

[Amanda]

Oh, And Victor appears to have vanished completely from the stage.

[Shane]

A shocking turn of events, which means Mickey has won the championship.

[Tommy]

Mickey slowly stands up and turns to the audience, face cold and neutral. He slowly reaches a hand up to his face and pulls a face mask off, revealing himself to be Victor in disguise.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. Victor at the last second with a fake out.

[Shane]

What an absolutely stunning finish by Novikov. A one for the history books.

[Tommy]

Victor is rushed by the crowds and showered with flowers and medals as he stares forward, expressionless.

[Amanda]

Well, Dean, this has been an honor. Big thanks to Excalibur for hiring us as their host for this event tonight.

[Shane]

And a big shout out to Spike tv. This isn't airing on Spike tv, but I just wanted to shout it out.

[Tommy]

The earth explodes. Solid ending.

[Amanda]

Spike tv. What an old fucking reference.

[Tommy]

So Victor for sure killed that other guy?

[Shane]

Yeah, I think he killed him. He, like, threatened them both and killed one of the guys.

[Amanda]

He's probably threatening the other guy's mom.

[Shane]

No, because Rachel was telling me about it, and I was like, it'd be really funny if in prep for, like, this championship, one of the dudes just did a bunch of steroids. And it, like, didn't help.

[Amanda]

It didn't help whatsoever with Excel spreadsheet at all.

[Shane]

But then I'm just imagining a UFC fighter entering the XL Championship.

[Amanda]

God, I mean, this made me miss Box and Havoc, so.

[Shane]

Oh, dude, I love Box and Havoc.

[Tommy]

What's that?

[Amanda]

They.

[Shane]

That's. That's for darts. They were the commentators.

[Amanda]

They've only been. What? They've only been there once, but we love them.

[Shane]

One of my favorite characters to play.

[Amanda]

Yeah, we just went on for hours.

[Tommy]

Well, now they're gonna come back.

[Shane]

No, maybe they'll come back.

[Tommy]

That would be so much.

[Shane]

All we have to do is rent out a convention center in Vegas to shoot this.

[Amanda]

Yeah, no problem.

[Tommy]

Probably be.

[Amanda]

I would love to go to an xl. Would I?

[Shane]

Honestly, it's.

[Tommy]

I think it would be. I think it's so niche. It would be really fun to look at.

[Amanda]

I said it, and then I was like, what? I.

[Tommy]

After a few hours, I'd be like, I still don't get what's going on. So now I don't care.

[Amanda]

A few hours is plenty.

[Tommy]

But maybe there'd be, like, Excel merch. Imagine, like, two little earrings that are like, expel Excel spreadsheets.

[Amanda]

I would love to see the big merch that is earrings.

[Shane]

Pretty good.

[Amanda]

Probably a T shirt that's like, excel.

[Shane]

Nice or earrings nice.

[Tommy]

Why not both?

[Amanda]

I should make merch for them.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

I think you have a future in that.

[Amanda]

I think. I think I should.

[Shane]

I love that there's a championship for, like, everything.

[Tommy]

I know.

[Shane]

There really is.

[Tommy]

Why not make everything a competition?

[Amanda]

They want awards. People want to know that they're winning in life.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's true. But, like, when I. Forever ago, when I heard that there are, like, legitimate Scrabble, like, championships.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

I was like, oh, this is, like, serious.

[Amanda]

Dead serious.

[Shane]

That was funny to me. And then to find out Excel, like, something that I didn't think of as a competition or a game, but they've turned it into it. I'm like, damn. Okay.

[Tommy]

Anything that's qualified as a skill, I guess, is a competition.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

When can we rest?

[Shane]

Never.

[Amanda]

Okay, Tommy.

[Tommy]

All right. I am not going to preface this one with a title. We're just gonna hop into it.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. Yay.

[Shane]

Good.

[Tommy]

I will be reading for Mom.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Tommy]

Amanda, you will be Jen. Shane, you will be. What's the boy's name? Is it Ben?

[Shane]

I'll be the other guy.

[Tommy]

You'll be the boy. You'll be the son, whatever. The son's name is. Bobby.

[Shane]

Bobby.

[Tommy]

And then Shane, could you also read. Actually, no. I'll read the. I'll read this. I guess it's a lot of me reading.

[Shane]

That's okay.

[Tommy]

That's okay. Okay. Interior, kitchen. Morning. Title. What will happen. A mom puts two plates of breakfast down on the table. She yells upstairs, kids, breakfast is ready. The two kids. Oh. When one mom, two kids, Bobby and Jen, eat breakfast at the table. They love their mom.

[Amanda]

Hey, mom, breakfast looks great.

[Tommy]

Title gets possessed by. Interior, bedroom. Night. The mom is asleep in her bed alone. The door cracks open, but nobody is there. Suddenly, she's pulled from under the sheets into the hall. The Ghost of another mom. Quick scary flashes of a female ghost holding a strainer of spaghetti, tying a small shoe and smiling, reading a book with glasses too far down her nose.

[Shane]

Black.

[Tommy]

Then a repeat of the previous morning. Interior, kitchen. Morning. Except this time the mom has black eyes and pale skin. She puts two plates of breakfast on the table. Her voice is now deep and scary, but her tone doesn't change. Kids, breakfast is ready. Bobby and Jen run downstairs to the table.

[Amanda]

Hey mom, breakfast looks great.

[Tommy]

Bobby leans into Jen.

[Shane]

Is something different with Mom.

[Amanda]

Looks like mom to me.

[Tommy]

Shane, you'll also be the medium. Interior grocery store queue. The mom is at the cash is at the checkout, mouth open with bugs crawling out of it. The cashier looks at her, terrified. Mary? An older woman calls out from behind.

[Amanda]

Carol, is that you?

[Tommy]

The Mom's head rotates 180 degrees to face her. Oh hi Mary. Nice to see you. The mom finishes the other 180 degrees to face the cashier. Do you take coupons? Interior, Kids, Bedroom. Night. Jen and Bobby sit on the ground in front of a Ouija board. Their hands move the planchette over the letter M. Bobby writes the letter M to finish his sentence. They look at their notes. The sentence reads clean your room. Interior, living room night. And over overnight cam on Fast Forward the living room is peaceful and empty until a picture frame falls off the wall. Glass shatters onto the floor. After the moment. After a moment, the mom enters, floating inches off the ground, head thrown backwards. She vacuums the glass off the floor and Fast forward. Interior, living room Day. Objects from the room orbit the mom as she floats menacingly. She growls until a set of keys orbit in front of her eyeline. Oh, here they are. As she grabs the keys, the other objects crash to the floor along with the mom. Interior living room day. The front door opens revealing an awkward with beads and drapey clothing. She's a medium. The mom looks even more possessed than before. You must be the medium. My kid's called. Come on inside.

[Shane]

Thank you.

[Tommy]

Can I get you a cup of tea?

[Shane]

Yes please.

[Tommy]

Chamomile. They both say. Chamomile. Chamomile. The two chuckle. Hahaha. Coming right up. The mom's body launches across the room, slamming into the wall. The sounds of bones breaking as she crawls backwards into the kitchen.

[Amanda]

Stop.

[Tommy]

Interior living room Day. Later, the medium holding two kids back up in fe. She bumps into a cabinet which knocks out a single plate. It hits the floor and shatters. The possessed mom angrily wails my china. We see the mom Floating intensely. The mom flies at the medium in anger, picks her up and whips her through the window in a delightful, delightful manner. She says, text us when you get home safe. Interior, bedroom, night. The kids are cowering in their beds. The door creeps open and a shadow rushes into the room. The mom's voice sings an eerie lullaby as the kids try to locate her. The sheets move on their own, tucking in the kids. Suddenly, the mom is hunched in the door frame. I love you so much. The door slams. The possession of my mom. Cut to. Here's a little like after scene. Interior, laundry room. A calm shot of dirty laundry. A scream as a shadow rushes through the room, leaving the clothes perfectly folded. Title in theaters 2017 yeah.

[Amanda]

Damn, this is so good. This is so.

[Tommy]

I wrote this almost 10 years ago.

[Amanda]

I love it. Yeah, it's giving me more water. Sugar water.

[Tommy]

Exactly.

[Amanda]

Men in black vibes.

[Tommy]

I just like the idea of a mom, like a caricature mom getting possessed by a caricature mom. So nothing changes. She's just possessed, doing the same thing.

[Amanda]

My china, my china.

[Shane]

I love so much, like giving a casual answer and then just like flying against a wall.

[Tommy]

I'll get that.

[Amanda]

Bones are broken.

[Tommy]

Yeah, that's my favorite bit in that.

[Amanda]

I love possession shits.

[Tommy]

I love it. It was my go to during this era. I was like, you know, how can we heighten this? Oh, he'll get possessed. It's always a great heightener.

[Amanda]

I love possession stuff. I wanted to bring this thing, but here's the thing. I didn't write the sketch. I just pitched the idea, okay. And we got to perform it on stage. And I had this idea of like this 13 year old girl who lives with her dad. And her dad's like a single dad and he's trying to date and he has like a new girlfriend over.

[Tommy]

Oh, boy.

[Amanda]

And the little girl is so fucking possessed, but the dad is so unaware, he just thinks she's getting her period. He's like, oh, she must be hushed. She's. Man, having a. Having a daughter is hard. And the woman's like, your daughter is possessed. Because every time I come in, I'm like, daddy, I'm hungry, daddy. And then I lift up my dress and like frogs pop out. And me and the new girlfriend, like have a whole fight and I eat a whole chicken. I'm like, you died. She's like, you're a bitch. And the dad's like, man, women, hormones. It's really hard being a dad. That's so funny because I just fucking Love. Possession.

[Tommy]

Possession. So fun.

[Amanda]

Should we just do a whole episode on possession?

[Tommy]

We should. That'd be fun.

[Shane]

See, I love the flip, too. I love the flip of, like, the possessed stuff, doing insane shit and them just being like, yeah, I can't believe. Like.

[Amanda]

Yeah, No, I like that too. That's really fun.

[Shane]

That's amazing.

[Amanda]

That was really, really good.

[Tommy]

We good for this last one? Let's do it.

[Amanda]

This one is bad. Pretty bad.

[Tommy]

That's great.

[Amanda]

I wrote this one, I think, also 10 years ago.

[Tommy]

Okay. Wonderful.

[Amanda]

And it's amazing how much I've learned. Oh, no, I did it 2018. How long ago?

[Shane]

10 years ago. No, that's eight years ago.

[Amanda]

Eight years ago. Okay, so.

[Shane]

Or seven years.

[Amanda]

Seven years ago. I wrote this one and I reread it real quick, and I was like, wow, I really needed a lesson on how to write a sketch. I was like, where is this going, Amanda? Where are the beats? I see the game, but where are we going?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And I decided to bring it in to humble myself.

[Tommy]

Thank you. And I love the URL at the bottom.

[Shane]

Yeah. Celtics.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah. That's what I used when I used to write celtics.com, celtics.com. because you could duo write on it. And it was free.

[Tommy]

I know.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Okay, guys. And what's going on is so true. Okay, you're gonna play woman and guy. Separate them how you want.

[Tommy]

It's always what I do.

[Amanda]

Separate.

[Shane]

And they're and me every day.

[Amanda]

And they're so sweet. They're really sweet people. Okay, I'll play Cat, and you're gonna play Lish.

[Tommy]

Lish, do you want me to read stage directions?

[Amanda]

Then I'll read stage directions.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Amanda]

This is called closing time. In parentheses. Amanda Lehan. Which means I wrote it, I guess. Open on interior coffee shop. Light jazz music playing. Two employees, Cat and Lish, behind counter. Cat is looking at her watch Lish wiping the counter. A guy customer sits at a table sipping coffee and reading angry. Five more minutes, Lish, and we are closing up shop.

[Shane]

I'm in full agreement with you, Cat. This guy has got to go.

[Amanda]

God. Customers. They hang out until the last possible minute. I swear they do this shit on purpose.

[Shane]

They. They like to torture us. Good people.

[Amanda]

Both girls nod in agreement. And they give a nasty look over at the guy sipping coffee and reading his book. A woman abruptly enters the coffee shop.

[Tommy]

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

[Amanda]

Waves her over to sit with him.

[Tommy]

Hi. No, no. Come sit, come sit.

[Amanda]

Oh, oopsie. Sorry. We're actually about to close in, like two minutes. So like, sorry.

[Tommy]

Oh, I'm just coming in to say hi real quick. I won't even order anything.

[Amanda]

Woman runs over and Guy gives her hug. They sit down. Oh, okay. Sure, sure, sure. Are you fucking kidding me?

[Shane]

So deliberate. What a horrible woman.

[Amanda]

Woman is showing guy pictures on her phone. The two can't hear the girls talking by the counter.

[Shane]

This is ridiculous. I've been here since 9am I'm exhausted. I'm shutting down the music.

[Amanda]

Yep, make it dead silent in here. These people aren't gonna knock me down. Lish hits the off button hard on a little radio next to the cash register. Guy and woman are unfazed.

[Shane]

They didn't even look up. Just pretending to be on their phones.

[Amanda]

Fucking devil worshippers. We know what you're trying to do.

[Tommy]

Excuse me, what's your WI fi real quick?

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah, sure. The network is coffee and the password is. What is it again?

[Shane]

Yummy.

[Tommy]

Oh, that's cute. Thanks.

[Amanda]

Super cute. Yep. Woman turns back to the guy. Un. Fucking believable.

[Shane]

Hands down, she's the rudest person I've ever met.

[Amanda]

Absolutely a luly people. They just amaze me with their negativity.

[Shane]

Nope. Well, let won't let them strip me of my positivity. And we still have to sweep up this place.

[Amanda]

It's just a lot. I'm like. I'm like dehydrated.

[Shane]

They're just purposely trying to break us.

[Amanda]

Cat stare at Guy and woman smiling on their phones. Let's just clean up right around them. Wrap up this sick little game they're playing once and for all.

[Shane]

Yep. I've got the rag.

[Amanda]

Cat grabs the broom and aggressive, aggressively sweeps all around their table while Lish grabs a rag and wipes down their table. Lish grabs Guy's cup.

[Tommy]

Oops. One more sip left. Hands this, hands the cup. Sorry. There you go. I really appreciate it.

[Shane]

Sure.

[Amanda]

Cat is behind the couple, shaking her head, mouthing. What?

[Tommy]

The best coffee I've ever had, by the way.

[Amanda]

Oh, awesome.

[Tommy]

Yep. I'm so thankful.

[Amanda]

Cat and Lich return to. Cat, Lish return to counter wiping it down. Guy and woman look back at their phone. That douche. He's trying to get under my skin.

[Shane]

Dude, so much sass. Yeah, I'm just trying to like, do.

[Amanda]

My job over here. It's like I'm jumping over hurdles. God, that's it. That's it. I'm stacking the chairs. I just can't even with these fucking people. Lish begins to wipe down the counter while Cat loudly stacks chairs. Woman and Guy get up to leave.

[Tommy]

Thanks for letting me pop in for a sec. Have a good day, girls. Grateful for that. Thanks. Bye.

[Amanda]

Woman and guy leave. See you next time.

[Shane]

Thanks for coming in. Bye.

[Amanda]

We just witnessed darkness.

[Shane]

The devil had a child. It was that woman.

[Amanda]

God, his dirty looks were like lasers right through me. I mean, my stomach is upset.

[Shane]

Let's get out of here.

[Amanda]

A random boy walks in. Hey, ladies. Sorry to bother you, but I saw.

[Tommy]

The doors open and I wanted to just come in and wish you a good day.

[Amanda]

Always wanted to stop in here, so have a good one. Boy leaves. Both girls shake their heads. What a sicko.

[Tommy]

I love that button button so much. I just want to stop by and.

[Amanda]

Say, have a great day. I just want to stop by and say, have a great day. What a sicko.

[Tommy]

That's so funny.

[Amanda]

Okay, that's closing time.

[Tommy]

That's awesome.

[Amanda]

I clearly wrote that based off of my own experiences every night working in a restaurant.

[Tommy]

I mean, I've, you know, as. I've also restaurant. And it's. It's like when people do come in and you're like, oh, no, please, I'm trying to go home. But it. Taking this twist on it is so funny. Like, to. It's like they're just like, oh, I'm just here for a moment.

[Amanda]

They're always so nice. They're like, oh, just coming to look at your menu. Okay, you can look at the menu, but we're. We're closing up. We are closing.

[Tommy]

It's so hard to not, like, have your knife out when someone walks in. You're like, no, no, no.

[Amanda]

And the manager's always like, we can keep it open for them if you want. And you're like, are you kidding me?

[Tommy]

Why would you say that?

[Amanda]

That means another hour I have to be here or more. It always. Every restaurant always happens. There's always that last couple, and they've had the check forever. And they're like, they've already paid it. You're like, oh, my God. I know. And you're like, hey, I get it.

[Shane]

You're having a romantic evening.

[Tommy]

But, you know, but those people are actually devil worshippers. There are actually people who are like, you need to know not to come in and stay too late. Like, look around every once in a while. But I love that these two, they're just like, oh, I'm just here for a moment.

[Amanda]

Yeah. And they're like, oh, yeah, of course. Totally. Fuck it.

[Shane]

I'm amazed. Cause I. Either way, whatever their intentions are, I'm amazed by people who Aren't just like aware of what. How they might be imposing on other day. And like, you see it so much. I see it with like, drivers mostly, where like, they're just like, oh, you just even use your signal. You just went into the other lane. Like, oh, wow. You're not even thinking about other people. Yeah, but that same thing. I'm like, some people just do not even think about it. They're like, oh, it's. It's. They're about to close. Well, whatever. We can go in there.

[Tommy]

That means it's still open.

[Shane]

That's still open. Like, we'll just go in to just not even continue. Consider how you might be affecting other people's day.

[Amanda]

I don't like going to a place if I know it's gonna close in a half hour.

[Shane]

Exactly.

[Tommy]

Exactly.

[Amanda]

I'm like, I don't wanna go.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Yeah. I don't wanna be that. Cause we've. Cause you know what? It's like. Yeah.

[Amanda]

And I have stacked chairs and like sweeped underneath people. I've done it all.

[Tommy]

There's a bar nearby us that we used to go to. We were there one time and I don't think we realized that they were closing. Cause there were actually quite a few other people there still. Oh, the people who were closing. And I thought it was awesome. I was like, you do that? Absolutely. They started playing children's music loud.

[Amanda]

It was like the wheels on the bathtub.

[Tommy]

And we were all like, oh, they want us dead. They want us dead and gone right now.

[Shane]

That's amazing.

[Tommy]

And I was like, that's awesome. Cause it works.

[Amanda]

It does work. I see people trying to close and they always. It's music or not my favorite. It actually bothers me so much that they flip all the lights on and you're like having a sexy conversation. It's candle lit and it's like, all right, when are you going home? Oh, I don't know. I don't know when I'm going home. I hope to go. Be going home soon.

[Tommy]

And you're sitting right in the bar and you're like, hope I go home.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

What's the longest after closing that you've ever seen someone just stick around?

[Tommy]

Almost an hour, I think.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I've definitely had to have. I definitely had to go up them and it was uncomfortable and kick them out. Yeah, like, hey, guys, we actually are shutting the door now.

[Shane]

How do they respond?

[Amanda]

They're like, oh.

[Tommy]

They're like, oh, yeah. They're like, oh, yeah. All right, well, we'll head Out, I guess.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I guess we'll head out.

[Tommy]

So it's just like, oh, totally.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

They don't. They literally don't.

[Amanda]

They don't.

[Tommy]

Then again, I was working on Larch. All of my things come from Larchmont, which, if you know Larchmont, it's rich people who aren't that rich but are rich enough that want to prove that they're rich, so they're extra awful. And they wear black pajamas. All they do is wear black pajamas. And then they're like, I'm rich. And you're like, okay, wow. You know, like fitness wear. But it's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Damn.

[Amanda]

Mine was Echo park, so it was like, cool people who were like, I'm just like, us.

[Tommy]

I'm a cigarette.

[Shane]

I'm just like, I'm a cigarette.

[Amanda]

I'm gonna go out for a smoke. And it's like, okay. Does that mean you want to pay your bill and go, yeah, you get.

[Shane]

The out of here.

[Amanda]

God, I do not. I do not miss those nights for anything when you're sitting and you've done all your side work and you're just.

[Tommy]

You're just waiting so that you can mop.

[Amanda]

And then it's like $5 tip, $10 tip, and you're like, maybe 20.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

And your manager's like, I don't know why. They're like, super extra happy at that point. They're like, meh, I guess. Gotta wait.

[Tommy]

It's like, oh. Cause you're salaried. Got it.

[Amanda]

Yeah, exactly.

[Tommy]

One time, a guy tried to return an entirely eaten burger. Oh, that's.

[Shane]

You know what? That's incredible.

[Tommy]

I did laugh at him. I was like, no. Why? I was like. And then my manager was like, tommy, now you can't laugh at people. But that was hilarious. It's like, tommy, don't do that.

[Shane]

What was his. He's like this.

[Tommy]

I think near the end, he decided that it was undercooked, the whole thing.

[Shane]

But he.

[Tommy]

There was like, one little bite left. He chose the one little bite. It happens all the time.

[Amanda]

People are shameless.

[Tommy]

Oh, yeah.

[Amanda]

They're like, yeah, it really wasn't good. And I didn't enjoy it. And you're like.

[Shane]

Like the dad joke, but unironic, where it's like, oh, how was the food? And they're like, hated it when they have an empty plate.

[Tommy]

Exactly.

[Shane]

But they're actually saying, yeah, I hated it.

[Amanda]

Yeah, well, that's. That joke still happens. Still happens all the time. We hated it. And the girl's Always like, okay, can we get some coffee? I'm like, it's 2am You.

[Tommy]

You need to go to bed.

[Amanda]

One time that a couple was like, can we get some coffee? And I was like, we're out. And the manager was there, listen, but it's my birthday. The manager was very close to me and was like, we're not out. We have some. And I had already cleaned it, of course, a little too early, but whatever. And I was like.

[Tommy]

You had to go brew more.

[Amanda]

I brewed it, but I, like, did like a pour over, like, a quick one, and it was total shit. And I gave it. And the girl was like, I'm sorry, this coffee is just really, really bad. And I was just like, I'm so sorry. But it was out.

[Shane]

I'm sorry. It's 2:00am It's 2:00am if you got good coffee at 2, fuck you.

[Amanda]

Well, they do.

[Tommy]

They're like, I'm glad the shamelessness that we got is doing improv on YouTube and not the one where we're shameless assholes in a restaurant.

[Amanda]

Agreed.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Amanda]

I'm grateful for that.

[Tommy]

I'll dance on a sidewalk listening to my music, but I will not.

[Amanda]

You will.

[Tommy]

Yeah, of course. I did that on the. On the walk up today. I was like, I find people who can do that.

[Amanda]

So unbelievably brave. I don't think I have it in me yet.

[Tommy]

Oh, I just like my music.

[Amanda]

That's incredible.

[Shane]

Really cool.

[Tommy]

Anyway, let's do your third one.

[Amanda]

We're gonna do my third one.

[Tommy]

Amanda, let's see your third one.

[Amanda]

You're never supposed to see the light of day.

[Shane]

Well, you have a third one.

[Tommy]

Amanda has a third one. I only brought two. I'm so excited. This is the best day of my life.

[Shane]

You're nervous about this one.

[Amanda]

Well, this is also 2018, so. Still struggling on figuring out how to, like, perfectly write a sketch. But this one is specifically based off of the older people at the Dresden. Dresden is a bar in la and there was an older couple who would, like, sing and talk to the audience. And I think one of them has passed away at this point.

[Shane]

They're very old.

[Amanda]

They were very old, but they were incredible. And I definitely pitched this. And we didn't do it. And I still very much enjoy it.

[Shane]

But they performed there, I think, for, like, decades.

[Amanda]

Yeah, decades. Okay. Will you be Gordy?

[Tommy]

I will be Gordy.

[Amanda]

I'll be Marie.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Amanda]

Shane, you're going to do stage, and also you're going to be all the extras.

[Shane]

Great.

[Amanda]

I Think it's like girl alone, girl alone, girl alone. So picture this smoky jazz bar and you and me are gonna sing, but we're. We're gonna try not to sing the song, the actual song.

[Shane]

Okay?

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

Interior, bar. Speakeasy. Old older woman, all glammed up. Mary is playing the piano. A couple is sitting having martinis. And two other single people are sitting.

[Amanda]

Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars.

[Shane]

Gordy enters with a mic old with an open low cut V and jewelry. People in the bar clap baa ba ba.

[Tommy]

Someone needs to get more toilet paper for that bathroom back there. Hi, my dove.

[Amanda]

Folks of the night, this is Gordy and I'm Marie. We'll be your entertainment for tonight. Get a martini.

[Tommy]

Gordy points to the single man at the table. Or get a soda pop. You look like a beast. Don't hurt anybody. Fly me to the moon.

[Shane]

Single guy looks around confused. Gordy makes his rounds dancing.

[Tommy]

And let me play among the stars.

[Amanda]

Fill my heart with song. Hey, Gordy, did you change the laundry this morning?

[Tommy]

Ooh, oopsie baby. Doo doo doo.

[Shane]

What?

[Tommy]

I'm just joshing with you. Of course I did, love dove.

[Amanda]

Oh, you minx. Flamethein the moon. Hey, look. Look at these budding daisies over here. You having a good time? I saw you kissing Linda play stars.

[Shane]

The couple nods and holds up their glasses to Marie. Gordy walks over to them with a mic.

[Tommy]

Da da da da da. Come on and dance.

[Shane]

The couple shrugs and gets up to dance. Gordy dances beside them, very close, rubbing up on them.

[Amanda]

Hey, Gordy.

[Tommy]

Yes. Da da da da.

[Amanda]

Did you remember to turn the stove on off before we left?

[Tommy]

Ooh, eek da da da da. What? I'm Josh in your muffin top. I did, I did.

[Amanda]

Oh, Gordy, you're all I long for, All I worship and adore. Da da da da da. Talking to the couple. Let me give you a tip, sweetie pies. If she turns cold on you then give the floor a good s. Was that me?

[Tommy]

Is that me?

[Shane]

That's.

[Amanda]

That's Gordy.

[Tommy]

Got it. Okay. Let me give you a tip, sweetie pies. If she turns cold on you then give the floor a good sweep and she'll come back around.

[Amanda]

I only turn cold when you turn soft. Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars.

[Tommy]

Ooh, firecracker. Doo doo doo doo doo.

[Shane]

Gordy rubs up on a couple. They signal to each other to sit. Gordy to sit. Gordy has already moved on to the single woman at A table.

[Tommy]

Hey, buttercream. Hey, Buttercream. I found me a live one.

[Amanda]

Oh, look at that. That's Fembot.

[Tommy]

Bada da bada.

[Amanda]

You're all along for.

[Tommy]

Hi, sweet peach. The boys are sick for letting you sit alone tonight.

[Shane]

I'm not really waiting on a boy. Gordie cuts her off and sits on girl's lap. Sings in her ear.

[Tommy]

Ooh, let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.

[Shane]

No. Gordie starts touching her hair and kissing.

[Amanda]

Her hand and let me sing forevermore. I don't think she swings your way, sugar cane.

[Tommy]

Two birds of a feather and let me kiss.

[Shane]

You're hurting my thigh. Gordy gets up off her lap and dances over to the piano. Girl alone, shakes her head, sips drink.

[Amanda]

Hey, chicken Popeye, Mind taking over the keys for a moment? I got a bone to pick with the beefcake over there.

[Shane]

Marie grabs the mic from Gordy. Gordy gets on piano. She heads over to a single guy.

[Amanda]

You're all I long for, All I worship and adore. Da da da da. Hello, Puddin. You wanna dance?

[Tommy]

Watch out, fella. She might hop the fence, ride the train, bust through the stop sign. And she's not looking left or right.

[Shane]

Oh, no thanks. I'm a terrible dancer. I enjoy watching Cherry pie.

[Amanda]

He doesn't love me.

[Tommy]

Oh, but I do. Your vision, Marie. In other words, please be true. In other words, I love you, Marie. Don't deny me, hunk of logs.

[Amanda]

Marie Grablog.

[Tommy]

That's you.

[Shane]

Marie grabs a guy a's hand and pulls him onto the dance floor. He goes along with it. The other tables clap and just react in a little bit of an embarrassed way.

[Amanda]

Hold my hand and let me take you to the moon. Sing a sweet lullaby and you'll be my big baboon.

[Shane]

Okay. Wow.

[Amanda]

Hey, Gordy.

[Shane]

She twirls guy A and turns to Gordy.

[Amanda]

Did you let the kitty kitty in? She's been outside all day. Oh.

[Tommy]

Oh, Marie.

[Amanda]

What?

[Shane]

Marie walks over to Gordy.

[Amanda]

What kitty?

[Tommy]

Kitty died a month back. Remember, sweet pea?

[Amanda]

Oh, Gordy. Yes, I do. But I still like to keep it on my to do list. Fly me to the moon and let.

[Tommy]

Me play among the stars.

[Amanda]

And that's a brownout.

[Shane]

You said brownout at the end.

[Amanda]

That's a slow fade. That's a slow fade. Brown out. Well, guys, that was Morty and Marie.

[Shane]

Holy.

[Amanda]

I read this and I said, what was I doing?

[Shane]

I.

[Amanda]

Where was I going?

[Shane]

I only went to the Dresden once. But you know what this is? This to Me isn't even a sketch. This is just how it is. How it was there.

[Amanda]

No, that's kind of how I used to write sketches. Like nine years ago or eight years ago or seven years ago, whatever the fuck. Seven last month.

[Shane]

Just slices of life.

[Amanda]

I literally would write slices of life. And I remember one of my drawers who I loved was like, you gotta stop writing slice of life. Like, something big has to happen. So I started doing that, but it was hard for me. Cause I was like, wait, I just wanna write the real thing that I see. And then I was like, oh, yeah, sketch. You need beats and a button and.

[Tommy]

Well, you just love real people. I love real people. Yeah.

[Amanda]

This literally happened to me and H when we were just beginning to date at the Dresden. The guy was like, hey, little sweets, this thing is going on. And he was like coming over and wanting to sit on my la. I was like, oh, I want to say the lady.

[Shane]

Or I think it was the lady would play the flute.

[Tommy]

Whoa.

[Shane]

Like jazz flute?

[Amanda]

No, they should, like, go off redible. And he did have like a. A low. A deep voice.

[Tommy]

Was he hairy?

[Amanda]

Yeah, of course he was hairy. And they were like all like black sparkling outfits. And she was.

[Shane]

It's so sad that I feel like live performance like that is just not as common.

[Amanda]

I know. I just miss live performance like that because they talk to each other during it. Yeah, they're always talking to each other about life.

[Shane]

Yeah, you get so much fun.

[Amanda]

So there's my slice of life. That was great memoir, I guess you could say. Yeah. I really learned how to write a sketch. It took me a second.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Oh. And it takes everyone a second. And this is fun.

[Amanda]

Thanks, guys.

[Tommy]

I feel like there's a Cecily Strong SNL bit that's similar.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Like in a similar vein, but like.

[Amanda]

Where it's like singing and talking.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I just love a singing, talking.

[Amanda]

Me too.

[Tommy]

It's so fun.

[Shane]

There's so fun older SNL sketches that are kind of slice of life.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

There's this one that I'm trying to remember it and I've had a hard time finding it again. But it's just kind of like a diner and there's just a bunch of like, weird characters there. And like, not the lobster. It's.

[Amanda]

Is it like someone ordering the lobster?

[Shane]

I'm trying to recall, but it's. It's just got like a bunch of weird characters and just kind of like stuff happens. There's not like a bit to it. They're just kind of all those that's.

[Amanda]

My kind of my favorite thing. But then I'm like, well, I had to really learn. Like, you have to have, like, something needs to happen, a gag, like, whatever. But it's always. I always find that to be my hardest thing. It's like, I want to just see this play out.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

So that had to be trained in me to, like, take it to the next level. And it's, like, big. And it's either the buttons, like a surprise, or it's like something new, or it's, like, perfect ending to it.

[Shane]

It's interesting to see these sketches that you wrote back then because your characters now are so big.

[Tommy]

Right.

[Shane]

Like to see these kind of, like, more subtle.

[Tommy]

Yeah. These are more real people, which is.

[Amanda]

What I liked playing.

[Shane]

Interesting.

[Amanda]

I think when I started writing sketches that were more like, you have to have the intense. I started, like, playing the characters more. Like, it was obvious.

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

But I enjoy, like, someone just being super, super grounded.

[Shane]

I mean, I love it too. And, I mean, I think your characters are very grounded, but you've just amped up the stakes.

[Tommy]

Yeah. You know how to stretch them out. Being grounded but still being tall.

[Amanda]

You know, we need that.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Where'd you. Where'd you both learn how to sketch, write sketches? Mine was like, where did you first. Yeah. How many classes did you take?

[Amanda]

We did a. We did, like, three levels of improv, and then our second level was writing character monologues.

[Tommy]

Got it, got it, got it.

[Amanda]

All character monologues. And then we did a whole writing lab, which was two months, where we wrote a bunch of sketches.

[Tommy]

Cool.

[Amanda]

And I learned. I kind of just learned how to write sketches, like, on my feet in that department. I took, like, a sketch writing class, but I learned there.

[Tommy]

Nice.

[Shane]

Yeah. I mean, I took. Let's see. I definitely just kind of learned through circumstances in this industry over a long time.

[Tommy]

You were also in a lot of sketches with. So random.

[Shane]

Yeah. So I would say some of the first sketches like, that I wrote and kind of pitched was at. So random. And we were. It's supposed to. We couldn't be credited because, like, it was a union job. But I did, like, pitch a bunch of sketches there, and. And we just started writing stuff for fun a lot of times. And I, on my own time, was writing things for fun. Forever ago. A friend of mine, Jamie Davis, and I wrote a sketch that she ended up submitting to a festival, and, like, it won an award and everything.

[Amanda]

That's so cool.

[Shane]

That was forever ago. And then, you know, really where I learned a Lot of formatting and stuff was here. Like, you know, I'd say if you look from like, 2016 to 2022, like, I helped write almost all the sketches on main channel in that period of time. Like, every blank evers. Like, I was writing a lot of them.

[Amanda]

That's fun.

[Shane]

There's a ton of sketches that I wrote. You know, like, there's that sketch from 2018 that's I'm still very proud of. Like, I would say out of all the sketches I've ever written, which is kids on bikes.

[Tommy]

Oh, that was awesome.

[Shane]

Making fun of Stranger Things. I, like, wrote it one weekend and I brought it in and I showed it, and I was just like, did.

[Amanda]

I play the mom?

[Shane]

You weren't actually in Smosh yet.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I don't think you were here.

[Amanda]

Because we did a Strangers things.

[Shane]

We did. We've done Strangers things.

[Amanda]

That was a different thing.

[Shane]

But this is way before, but I.

[Tommy]

I remember watching that and being like, this one's really funny.

[Shane]

I wrote it one weekend just, like, I just got inspired and I wrote it out because I was just thinking about Stranger Things and I was just like, oh, my God. Like, I just. What if I hit all the tropes in it and I brought it into work one day and we're just like, yeah, let's do it. And it was really, really satisfying and fun. So, you know, and, you know, through this job, I was able to get final draft and stuff and just fuck around on it. So I've learned over the years, I don't feel I get to. I mean, the job fluctuates. Like, we go through periods of time where I'm not writing much, and then there's times where I'm writing a ton, and then the job changes so much. It's interesting. But there was periods of time where I was writing a lot. That was a big part of my job. And so, Tommy, you've been writing for Ever.

[Amanda]

Ever, in my opinion.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I mean, I. I didn't really. I wasn't really taught anything. I just. I did improv. You know, I was an. I was an actor and I did improv. And then we. We were like, we need to put on a sketch show. And so we did sketch shows in college for, I think, three years. Different. Like a yearly big sketch show. And, you know, I'd direct them and then also write them and stuff like that. So that was. That was a lot of fun. And then we did a Pokemon sketch show, which was like, the best thing ever. That's on a Hard drive somewhere.

[Shane]

Damn, that sounds awesome.

[Tommy]

It was so fun.

[Amanda]

Love that.

[Tommy]

And, yeah, I don't know, I just. I love writing. There's. I go through waves of like, I'm writing all the time and I'm like, writing pilots and I'm getting my. You know, I'm getting a library. And then I just won't write for like a year and a half or two years, and then I'll just get back into it. I took one UCB sketch writing class and I was like, I know this. I didn't mean to be like, up my own ass, but I was like, yeah, yeah. I was like, yeah, I know.

[Amanda]

Yep, yep.

[Shane]

A lot of times, like, what you get out of just writing classes and stuff is just the prompts. You're forced to write.

[Amanda]

You're forced to write. I remember taking, like a pilot writing class and I was like, oh, my. My God. It was a totally different beast, obviously from sketch, but, like, I think all of that is really good. But I think the most important thing to write sketch is to be able to get up and perform it and get it in your bones and see what works. Because you could write something so funny.

[Tommy]

On the page and then it doesn't translate 100%.

[Amanda]

And that's what would happen to me a ton. In growlings, you'd be like, oh, my. The ones that I was most excited about just died on stage. And the ones that I was nervous about, I was like, I don't know about this one.

[Shane]

It's. It's fascinating.

[Amanda]

So weird.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's. It's so interesting.

[Amanda]

Wow. That was.

[Tommy]

That was so much fun.

[Amanda]

Amazing.

[Shane]

This was a blast.

[Tommy]

I love. I love this so much. This was a joy for my soul.

[Amanda]

We should do this again. Maybe I'll write new ones.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

In this age.

[Shane]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.

[Amanda]

I'm excited.

[Shane]

Well, Tommy, thank you for joining us.

[Tommy]

Thank you for having me. This is the best.

[Amanda]

Thank you for bringing your sketches. They're were very, very good.

[Tommy]

Thank you.

[Amanda]

Who knows? Maybe we'll see them again when October rolls around.

[Tommy]

We'll do haunted house. Just gotta wait like eight months. It'll be fine.

[Amanda]

I want to do haunted anytime.

[Tommy]

I know. Haunted's so fun.

[Shane]

The whole year is haunted.

[Tommy]

That's true. Everything is haunted right now.

[Shane]

Yeah, don't worry about it.

[Amanda]

Great.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Shane]

Bye, guys.

[Amanda]

Bye, guys.

[Tommy]

Goodbye. Goodbye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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