S1: #24 - Why Ian Shouldn’t Get Married

Summary

Smosh Mouth Podcast Summary

Episode: S1: #24 - Why Ian Shouldn’t Get Married
Release Date: July 31, 2019
Hosts: Ian Hecox, Joven (Joshua Oven Shire), Amanda Lehan-Canto (Lasercorn)
Description: In this episode, the Smosh team delves into the chaotic world of Smosh Summer Games, shares personal anecdotes about weddings and marriage, discusses past brand deals gone wrong, and contemplates the future of Smosh Games.

---

1. Smosh Summer Games Apocalypse Takeover

The episode kicks off with Ian Hecox updating listeners on the ongoing Smosh Summer Games Apocalypse Podcast takeover. The team is situated in the desert, fully immersed in the competitive and often absurd challenges that define the Summer Games.

• Ian [00:30]: “Ramble Smosh Summer Games Apocalypse Podcast takeover is still going on. So that means we're out in the desert still. We're cooking our little butts off.”

They reflect on dramatic moments from past games and hint at ongoing projects against political figures, mentioning a humorous failed attempt to meet Obama but instead having the opportunity to meet Joe Biden.

• Ian [01:00]: “So that means we're out in the desert still. We're cooking our little butts off... they said we couldn't meet Obama, but we can meet Joe Biden. We were just like, nah.”

2. The "Sausage Fest" Dynamic

A significant portion of their conversation revolves around the noticeable presence of male participants in the Summer Games, leading to playful banter about it being a "sausage fest."

• Lasercorn [01:19]: “It's a sausage fest. Let's just say it.”
• Joven [01:23]: “Yeah, you got to whip out the sausage.”

This light-hearted discussion underscores the gender dynamics within the games, adding humor to their interactions.

3. Nipple Exposure Antics

The hosts engage in a comedic dialogue about accidental nipple exposure during filming, leading to jokes about creating devices to tan nipples without revealing too much.

• Lasercorn [02:45]: “So what if I invented some sort of device that covered the rest of you but only tanned your nipples?”
• Joven [04:18]: “Yeah, it’s called peekaboo bras.”

This segment showcases their knack for turning awkward situations into comedic gold, keeping the conversation lively and entertaining.

4. Navigating Dyslexia and Communication

The podcast touches on personal challenges, specifically discussing Joven's experiences with dyslexia and its impact on communication. They reference fictional characters like Jaime Lannister to draw parallels and lighten the mood.

• Joven [05:07]: “I'm dyslexic. Are you really going to make fun of my mental disabilities here?”
• Lasercorn [06:19]: “It's off brand for you, and I don't think you should do it anymore.”

This honest conversation highlights the importance of understanding and accommodating personal differences within creative collaborations.

5. Reflecting on Past Punishments in Summer Games

A nostalgic look back at some of the most memorable and uncomfortable punishments they've endured during the Summer Games.

• Joven [19:15]: “The punishment was called dystope... Sucky person had to pick another player and suck one of their toes.”
• Lasercorn [22:07]: “I want to suck anyone's feet on camera.”

They recount specific instances, such as toe-sucking penalties and waxing experiences, emphasizing the lengths they go to for humor and engagement.

6. Brand Deal Disasters: The Dragon City Skin Video

The team revisits a particularly cringe-worthy brand collaboration involving dragon-themed costumes and inappropriate mating scenes, questioning the decision-making behind such partnerships.

• Joven [25:24]: “The Dragon City Skin video needs to get taken down. It is wildly inappropriate.”
• Ian [26:18]: “We did it for the video, and it was hilarious, but it was the strangest brand deal.”

This reflection serves as a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of brand partnerships and the importance of aligning collaborations with their brand image.

7. Weddings and Marriage: Lessons Learned

Diving into personal stories, Joven and Ian share their experiences with weddings, budgeting mishaps, and offer advice on marriage.

• Joven [38:31]: “Get married. But don't get married.”
• Lasercorn [43:05]: “Never go to bed angry... just end the night with some light dueling.”

They humorously discuss the inevitable overspending on weddings and the challenges of maintaining relationships, blending heartfelt advice with their signature humor.

8. Parenthood and Future Dads

A playful yet honest debate ensues about who among them would make the worst dad, bringing in anecdotes about interactions with their children and pets.

• Lasercorn [46:44]: “I had to make a decision, and there's no real frame of reference.”
• Ian [47:08]: “You've only seen my dog when you come over. She's excited because Freya the Golden will get really excited.”

This segment underscores their ability to connect personal lives with humorous banter, making the conversation relatable and engaging.

9. The Future of Smosh Games: Embracing Technology and New Talent

Concluding the episode, the hosts express excitement about incorporating new technologies like VR into Smosh Games and integrating fresh talent, such as newcomers like Kimmy, to keep the content dynamic and forward-thinking.

• Joven [50:08]: “I'm excited to see what's next. Let's get Kimmy in some SG videos.”
• Lasercorn [50:36]: “Smosh Games has to get on board with the future tech. Have you seen the Quest?”

They emphasize the importance of innovation and adaptability to stay relevant in the ever-evolving gaming landscape.

---

Notable Quotes

• Ian [00:30]: “We're out in the desert still. We're cooking our little butts off.”
• Lasercorn [01:19]: “It's a sausage fest. Let's just say it.”
• Joven [05:07]: “I'm dyslexic. Are you really going to make fun of my mental disabilities here?”
• Joven [19:15]: “The punishment was called dystope... Sucky person had to pick another player and suck one of their toes.”
• Joven [38:31]: “Get married. But don't get married.”
• Lasercorn [43:05]: “Never go to bed angry... just end the night with some light dueling.”

---

Conclusion

In Why Ian Shouldn’t Get Married, the Smosh team offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and reflections on their journey with Smosh Summer Games. From navigating awkward punishments and disastrous brand deals to sharing heartfelt marriage advice, the episode encapsulates the dynamic and entertaining essence of the Smosh podcast. Listeners are treated to candid conversations, comedic banter, and insightful discussions, making it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Joven]

No purchase necessary vgw group void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[Ian Hecox]

Ramble Smosh Summer Games Apocalypse Podcast takeover is still going on. So that means we're out in the desert still. We're cooking our little butts off. We're talking about all the Smosh Summer Games dramatic moments that have happened in the past. And let me just get right into the podcast. I'm just gonna shut up right now. So they said we couldn't meet Obama, but we can meet Joe Biden. We were just like, nah.

[Lasercorn]

Never go to bed angry. If you're about to go to bed angry with each other, just end the night with some light dueling person had.

[Joven]

To pick another player and suck one of their toes. It's funny because I got the punishment, but really, it was Courtney that had to endure it.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, God. There's too many dudes in Smosh Summer Games.

[Lasercorn]

It's a sausage fest. Let's just say it.

[Joven]

Well, you know, during the summer, you got a barbecue. You got to.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, you got to whip out the sausage.

[Joven]

Yeah, you got to whip out the sausage. We're camping.

[Ian Hecox]

All right, I need to move on from this. This is getting a little weird. Okay, okay. Don't worry about it. Okay, I'll flash you at 10. All right. Flash me. Okay.

[Joven]

I want them to go away.

[Lasercorn]

Nope.

[Ian Hecox]

Hello, everybody. Welcome to the smoshcast. It's a special Smosh Summer Games Apocalypse.

[Joven]

Apocalypse. Apocalypse.

[Ian Hecox]

I am. Enjoy. I am joined by my two apocalyptic friends here. Joven, the Jovenshire, the Paranormal Pirate. The Oven Shire. The Joshua Oven Shire. Just all around dumbass Joven.

[Joven]

I really wanted 50 minutes of just that. Yeah, I believe in you.

[Ian Hecox]

Did I cover all the names?

[Joven]

Probably forgot the paranormal part. Yeah, the Sexy Shire. You missed that one.

[Ian Hecox]

No, I missed that one on purpose. And I'm also joined by the Dave. I have never really said your name before. David. David. David. Speak.

[Lasercorn]

Do not speak, my mortal only Laser Corn.

[Ian Hecox]

The Laser Corn.

[Lasercorn]

Lord of the Streak.

[Ian Hecox]

The Corn to the Ian Corn.

[Lasercorn]

Yes.

[Ian Hecox]

Yes.

[Lasercorn]

That's true. The corn deer, Ian.

[Ian Hecox]

The ship that will never die.

[Joven]

Yeah.

[Lasercorn]

The ship that cannot die.

[Ian Hecox]

It cannot be sunk.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah. I'm very sorry for anyone listening and not viewing this, because you cannot see that my nipples are out, which they very much are.

[Joven]

You know they are. It's, like, so, like, you. You're, like, the last person that would ever cut nipple holes out of their shirt. And yet here we are, just nipples exposed.

[Lasercorn]

I felt that I needed their power for this competition.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. Did you feel like you needed them to get a little more sun, like you want to tan your nipples?

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, yeah. I felt like my nipples could be a little bit darker. Darken those nipples up. Nipple tan.

[Joven]

Just flash forward two years. He's sitting there at a doctor's office. I was like, it's strange. We've never seen this before, but you were the first case of nipple canc.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, it's never happened before.

[Ian Hecox]

What about, like, Pretty Joe? But I'm pretty sure they just call that breast cancer.

[Joven]

And a lot of people, that's when it's inside of.

[Ian Hecox]

I mean, it's part of the membrane. So a lot of people, like, when they get, like, breast cancer, they have to get the nipple taken off as well.

[Lasercorn]

Here's the thing. You can still. You can still tan if you put on the sunscreen that protects you. Right. So what if I invented some sort of device that covered the rest of you but only tanned your nipples?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. Just.

[Joven]

Yeah. They're called peekaboo bras.

[Ian Hecox]

Just get a. Oh, yeah.

[Lasercorn]

Is that a real thing?

[Joven]

Yeah, it's for, you know, it's a kinky stuff. I was thinking for breastfeeding.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, yeah. I guess for breast. Ryan, you.

[Joven]

You've.

[Ian Hecox]

This is going to sound creepy, but you have a wife that is breastfed before.

[Lasercorn]

Yep.

[Ian Hecox]

Wait, but so have you.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

So you should know this. Do they make bras with, like, the hole cutout for the nipple so you can just like, poke your little nip through and it's like a little latch.

[Lasercorn]

I don't know if that's how she did it, though, but that's kind of optional.

[Ian Hecox]

Did you always just look away whenever she exposed her breast and you're like, oh, God.

[Lasercorn]

She would usually go. So if we were at the mall or something, she would go to the little parents area in the mall and do that, and I would just hang out and, like, play video games. And, like, she did. She did the pumping thing. She was big into pumping, so a lot of times she would just have a bottle full of already breast milk.

[Ian Hecox]

There already. Breast milk.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Joven]

It was her breath to start fatherhood just to start getting advice from lasercorn. Like, I don't think it's just, like, broken English and some, like, half. True.

[Lasercorn]

My English isn't broken.

[Joven]

No, it's not that. You broke, like, you, like, almost stutter your sentences when you're talking about, like, stuff sometimes about, like, parenthood.

[Lasercorn]

I don't stutter. I don't have a stutter. You, sir, can't even use the right words in a sentence. How dare you?

[Joven]

I'm dyslexic. Are you really going to make fun of my mental disabilities here?

[Lasercorn]

No.

[Ian Hecox]

Is it dyslexia, or is it you just can't see the keys on your phone?

[Joven]

Well, both of those are different things.

[Ian Hecox]

Okay. I. I am.

[Joven]

I have a lot of elements.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. So if you guys don't follow Joven on the socials. And you should. It's really entertaining because.

[Joven]

Not if you're triggered by typos, though.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. Like how, Like, I feel like half your comments on any of your, like, photos are people just making fun of your caption.

[Joven]

Mm. I call that engagement.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, I should start doing that. Yeah, I should start doing that my engagement. So. Yeah. And I get so weirded out when I see you made a post that has zero typos. I'm like, okay, who wrote this for Joe?

[Joven]

No, I get freaked out too. I have to, like, double check my corrected spelling stuff. Correctly spelled stuff, because I'm like, no, one of these is wrong. One of these is not like the other.

[Lasercorn]

It's very out of. It's off brand for you, and I don't think you should do it anymore. I think it really clashes with your brand.

[Joven]

Yeah, but you're really dyslexic, so I'm a little dyslexic. Yes. And, like, it'll. It almost gets triggered because of my. The blind spots in my eyes because, like, I won't see, like, the complete word.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Joven]

And so my brain will try to fill in the gaps, but then, like, sometimes, like, switch the words around or sometimes in. In some cases, like, actual words will switch together.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. That's wild, man.

[Lasercorn]

Jamie Lannister is dyslexic, so you're in good company.

[Joven]

Yeah, no, it's. It's something that can be overcome.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, Jaime Lannister never had to write an Instagram post.

[Lasercorn]

That's true.

[Joven]

That's true.

[Lasercorn]

And he's following him.

[Ian Hecox]

Has he ever had to, like, read or write anything in that show? I'm pretty sure he just stabbed people?

[Lasercorn]

No, Tywin makes him read a letter. They're in the tents. He makes them read, and he. He struggles through it.

[Joven]

Wait, is the actor, like, dyslexic, or.

[Lasercorn]

Is the character is dyslexic?

[Joven]

Why is that a detail?

[Lasercorn]

What? Because it. It adds character depth in the book. Tywin's talking, and he's like, yeah, Jamie almost couldn't read. He had the letters get turned around in his mind, but I made him do it or something.

[Ian Hecox]

Interesting.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

So this is the third week of Smosh Summer Games. Guys, we are deep into it. Deep. As you can see, my balls deep in Summer Games. Please don't describe it as balls deep.

[Lasercorn]

Why? You said where? TV set me up for it.

[Ian Hecox]

I just don't want to because now I'm, like, picturing, like, half of the Summer Games sign. Like, no penetrating the other side of the smosh. Summer Games just. It's a. It's a strange. I don't know why.

[Joven]

And we're all there.

[Ian Hecox]

It's. I mean, that mushroom cloud is kind of like, oh. Anyway, so, yeah, as you can see, if you guys are watching on YouTube, I am covered in silver splatter. I'm assuming that one has already came out, but if it hasn't and if you haven't seen the video, you should go and find it and watch it right now. Yeah, it's good stuff.

[Lasercorn]

Got miracle moments, punishment archery, bomb zombie, Zombie celebrity. It's gonna be a good clickbaity title. You guys will see it.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, we shoot Bob Ross.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah. Yeah. He had it coming.

[Ian Hecox]

What? What, you got something against Bob Ross?

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Joven]

What?

[Lasercorn]

With his calm voice and his happy little trees.

[Joven]

He really is the opposite of what lasercorn is, so he wouldn't trust that.

[Lasercorn]

I don't trust a man that just is always is that calm.

[Ian Hecox]

Have you seen, like, the military photo of Bob Ross?

[Lasercorn]

No.

[Ian Hecox]

There's a military badass. He has, like. No, he has, like, obviously, like, no hair. He has, like, the crew cut, and he looks like a completely different person.

[Lasercorn]

Really?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. It's awesome.

[Lasercorn]

That was Mr. Rogers thing, too, right? He was in the military, and then he's like, I just don't want to be mean anymore.

[Joven]

Oh, sniper. Or was that a rumor?

[Lasercorn]

No, I think that's true.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Lasercorn]

I don't know. Someone on the Internet. Look it up and leave it in the comments.

[Ian Hecox]

Mr. Rogers has probably killed more people than Jesus. No, he's definitely killed more people than any of the people involved in Smosh combined. I would hope so.

[Joven]

We don't know.

[Ian Hecox]

We don't know that.

[Lasercorn]

You heard it here first.

[Ian Hecox]

Lasercorn.

[Lasercorn]

Mr. Rogers is a ruthless killing machine. Ian said it, not me. I think he's a wonderful human being.

[Joven]

Him you like. But Bob Ross is a no go.

[Lasercorn]

That's correct.

[Joven]

Okay.

[Ian Hecox]

Hmm. It's funny where you draw the line. Or should you say, draw the happy tree?

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, there's something behind that tree. Clown with a knife.

[Ian Hecox]

So Smosh Games, man. You guys. You guys have been in Smosh Games since the inception of it.

[Joven]

Since the 80 hour work weeks.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. Do you guys remember, like, when you guys started, we were doing two videos a day? Yeah.

[Joven]

That was a stupid idea. Why did we think that was a good idea?

[Ian Hecox]

I mean, that was like a kind of a defy initiative. I won't take blame.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, well, it's funny because over at Clever, we were doing like two videos a day, and so we're like. When we're doing clever games and we're like, oh, we'll do that for Smosh Games. But the videos we were doing were like, hey, look, there's a new character announced in Borderlands. Let's take a look at him. And then. And then the next one would be like, here's how to get a secret costume in the new Spider man game. And it was much less involved.

[Joven]

No, it's the same thing as doing a backseat gamer and a dope or. Nope. In the same day.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, yeah, when you had it, when you had to come over to Smosh Games, you had to actually make quality content.

[Joven]

What was your least favorite show?

[Lasercorn]

Our content was quality.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my least favorite show on Smosh games. What was your least favorite show? Gosh, they're all so. They're all so bad. Well, of like, the first batch, I'm trying to think of, like, there's probably something that I really didn't like and I just forgot what probably hated Sag Nut. Sag Nut. What did Sagnut stand for?

[Joven]

Smosh Action Games News update today.

[Ian Hecox]

It was a great Fist pound. Yeah, it was a great title. Like, that was one thing that we murdered out the gate. Smosh Games, we had the best. We had the best titles for things.

[Lasercorn]

Game Bang Bang was great. Raging Bonus.

[Ian Hecox]

Raging Bonus. Dope or. Nope.

[Joven]

Which.

[Ian Hecox]

Which we came up with. And then later on. I'm just gonna say it. Matthias. Matthias from like, he did. He had like a big YouTube channel. Then he did these other sort of channels. He started a channel called Dope or no, let's do it.

[Lasercorn]

Let's sue his balls off right now.

[Ian Hecox]

There was lawyers.

[Lasercorn]

Get me my lawyer.

[Joven]

Very early on, someone shared with us a review of a car. It was like a. And it was like a highly ranked, like a. Like a good publication of a review of a. Like a new Mazda or something. And the guy, the writer of the article was talking about how his son was a big fan of this. This video game show called Dope or. Nope. So he's like, I'm gonna do it in the same format like those guys do.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, that's funny.

[Lasercorn]

We inspired.

[Ian Hecox]

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[Lasercorn]

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[Ian Hecox]

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[Lasercorn]

That's a lot of games all for free.

[Ian Hecox]

Step four, unleash your excitement.

[Lasercorn]

Chumba Casino has been delivering thrills for over a decade. So claim your free welcome bonus now and live the chumba life. Visit chumbacasino.com no purchase necessary vgw group.

[Joven]

Void where prohibited by law 21 +.

[Ian Hecox]

Terms and conditions apply yeah, we had. We had all the best names.

[Lasercorn]

Top five Friday.

[Joven]

I always wanted Top five Friday on Saturday.

[Lasercorn]

Wait, that eventually happened and I was so angry.

[Joven]

Yeah, but like. But we didn't call it that, did we?

[Lasercorn]

It was. It was just changed to Top five.

[Joven]

Yeah, it was just called Top five Blank. But I really wanted to call it Top five Friday on Saturday for never stuck.

[Ian Hecox]

I forgot about Raging Bonus.

[Lasercorn]

Raging Bonus. Yes.

[Ian Hecox]

Whatever we want, obviously. Gamer Nation.

[Joven]

What's up, guys? Welcome to Gamer Nation.

[Lasercorn]

Gamer Nation was a terrible idea, let's be honest.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, look, it was a. It was a. It was a gaming news show. You can only make a gaming news show so interesting. So you guys decided, well, what will make this quirky and smash? Like, let's add this annoying robot.

[Joven]

Smashbot dude.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, don't.

[Joven]

That's the biggest threat we have is that isn't around anywhere.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. Do you know whose idea Smoshbot was? So basically, Smashbot was this like this robot, this sad robot that was having like an existential crisis, just wanted to die.

[Joven]

It hated us completely.

[Ian Hecox]

He had zero limbs. He was just the TV with a sad face and he just wanted to die.

[Lasercorn]

He hated us for creating him. And he also hated his life in existence.

[Joven]

The crew hated us for making him. It was great.

[Lasercorn]

He was constantly falling apart.

[Ian Hecox]

Did we ever kill him off?

[Joven]

Well, not on camera. The production manager, I think.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God.

[Joven]

With like anger, he threw it away.

[Ian Hecox]

He upset a lot of people at the office. Swashbot.

[Lasercorn]

And then what happened was Boston Dynamics went through our trash.

[Joven]

Yeah.

[Lasercorn]

Stole him and created a better prototype from his bones.

[Joven]

Did we bring Smoshbot back for when we started doing the. On Not. We had SGA channel. We started doing, like, old episodes. Like, we know.

[Ian Hecox]

I'm sorry.

[Joven]

We didn't do old episodes. We did old shows again. And did we have Smashbot as a.

[Ian Hecox]

I think we had some kind of.

[Joven]

Reprisal of the Smashbot that he was, like, introducing stuff.

[Lasercorn]

By the way, can I take this opportunity to apologize for Smosh Games Alliance? Because that was definitely a defy idea.

[Ian Hecox]

That was the idea.

[Lasercorn]

We don't know anything about starting a network. We make videos, and they're like, you have to do it.

[Ian Hecox]

That Smosh Games alliance was the. The grossest money grab that Defy tried to do. We kind of forced it upon us, and we made the most that we could. We tried to turn it. So basically, defy was like, oh, this MCN thing. This is great. All we have to do is just.

[Joven]

It was an MCN inside another mcn.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. They're like, all we have to do is just rope a bunch of, like, people that don't. That don't know any better, and we'll. We'll take a percentage of their ad revenue. This will be great.

[Joven]

We had to watch so many videos to come up with a clip show, but then the ones we'd always wind up picking, unfortunately, were, like, they weren't in the mcn, but there wasn't any organization to the program, so we didn't know who was in or not.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lasercorn]

There was no way. There was no way for us to, like, check and see who was in. So when people would tweet his videos that are like, hey, put this on Smosh Games alliance, they're like, is he in the alliance? I don't know. Do you remember.

[Joven]

Do you remember the name of the guy that we always liked?

[Lasercorn]

Blasphemous.

[Joven]

Yeah.

[Lasercorn]

Over a million now.

[Joven]

Is he? Yeah, we started Blasphemous. If you haven't seen his YouTube channel, go check it out. Check out that we made him.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, he always says titty sprinkles. He's awesome.

[Joven]

I love that dude.

[Ian Hecox]

Sounds like we raised a monster.

[Lasercorn]

What? No. He's phenomenal.

[Ian Hecox]

Yes.

[Lasercorn]

An awesome monster.

[Ian Hecox]

So Smosh Games alliance, we were basically. We had an MC en forced upon us, and we try to make the most. We try to make the most of it. We're like, okay, it can't just be an mcn. We have to use this as a way to raise these sort of smaller creators up, give a platform to basically showcase other people's talents and then grow them and then maybe.

[Joven]

Which in theory is great.

[Ian Hecox]

It was a nice idea, but there was no like selection process. Literally, like you could just submit your channel and I think you got accepted. It wasn't the best thing ever and it could have been done better, but it was forced upon us and we made the most of it.

[Joven]

I remember. And it was kind of a weird. It was after like a VidCon or Wizard World or some kind of convention where like an angry fan went up to Matt Rob and was like, I want answers about. About the Smosh Games alliance and when are we going to get paid? And he's like, I don't know. And it was like, you know, we were still a part of Defy. So it was like before we can bash on Defy too openly, but it's like it wasn't on us. Like there was literally one person working on that whole project.

[Lasercorn]

Whoever actually created the MCN and the network in the back end of it didn't communicate with us at all. I to this day don't know who.

[Joven]

This person just transitioned. Are we allowed to like crap on SMASH this much? Are we allowed to do that?

[Lasercorn]

It was. It's a Defy project.

[Joven]

Yeah. It had our name, but not our.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, there they probably approval. I think it was something that somebody in the high up said, let's do this. They're gonna do it. All right. Do it right now. And then. And then the actual people that had to work on it were like, well, this doesn't work. And there's. And then the higher ups would be, well, too bad. Just make it work. Just whatever. We'll give you a guy. We'll give you a guy that'll just take care of everything. And then there's probably thousands of people that signed up. And then this background guy's like, wait, so I have to.

[Joven]

Yeah, I remember like I was also still had like his other job at the company too. So he was just like. Was drowning under it.

[Ian Hecox]

Redonkulous.

[Lasercorn]

Let's talk about happier things. Let's talk about the games.

[Ian Hecox]

Let's talk about the worst smosh Games punishments.

[Lasercorn]

Oh, okay. Worst punishments in the Summer Games and Winter Games or just in general.

[Ian Hecox]

What's talk about Summer Games.

[Joven]

Okay, Summer Games pun. The worst Summer Games punishment. But Sunday did I. I don't know if I ever got a butt Sunday Oh, I did it. Wild West. Like, that's just sticky and sugary and like you're just out around bugs and now they just all want to go towards your ass.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, it's not good, but your ass must have been delicious, right? Did you taste the butt sundae?

[Joven]

No.

[Lasercorn]

Did you get a spoon?

[Joven]

I could. No. I could assume. I know what whipped cream tastes like. I know what chocolate sauce tastes like. I know what ice cream tastes like.

[Lasercorn]

But you've never eaten it out of your own.

[Joven]

But I have nuts. And I would like that to go on record, too. May we just confirm that?

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, mine. I. Courtney waxed me during the archery. That. That was unpleasant. That was my first ever waxing. Well, yeah, my legs and I don't know if we get a shot of this. I have very hairy legs. There's a lot to be waxed. And yeah, a lot of hair came off. It looked like, like, like someone had ripped the fur off a small squirrel. And it was. It was not pleasant. It was not pleasant, but thankfully it was. It was over quickly.

[Joven]

I think one of the worst punishments may have come this year, and dear God, I hope it comes out before this podcast. And it's funny because I got the punishment, but really it was Courtney that had to endure it.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, God. Okay, Joe. And. And if you guys were watching, I believe the travel vlog, you were. You were saying how excited you were.

[Joven]

I like, from the travel log, even before that, in concept, when these ideas were. Was told to us, I was like, that's the one I'm going to get.

[Ian Hecox]

So what, what? So what's the punishment?

[Joven]

So the punishment was called, like, I think like a dystopian dis. I feel like there was another word in front of it, but it was something. The pun was the play on word with toe suck.

[Ian Hecox]

Right?

[Joven]

Suck. Dystopia. Dystope. And so sucky. Person. Person had to pick another player and suck one of their toes. And I just knew because I. I know what works on camera. I know what those. Those moments are going to be. So I, I. The moment I heard it, I was like, I'm gonna get that. That's what I'm gonna get. I said like maybe a hundred times, if you don't believe in the secret, you were way.

[Ian Hecox]

Think it. You were way too excited because you had to make it real.

[Joven]

Like, if you're gonna do something, like, you need to make it real in your head. And that's what happened. Like, it even got to the point where if you watch carefully and I don't know how it got edited because we're still filming, but I pull it out, and I was next to me, and I even kind of look at him to kind of think, like, do. Do we fake it and just say that I got it?

[Ian Hecox]

Are you telling me that you willed it into existence?

[Joven]

I wasted a wish on this.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Joven]

And. And we kind of have a look back and forth because we know you got to make a video. Good. But then I unfold it, and just. I look back at him, and the shock in his eyes made me laugh because I actually got the dystopian.

[Ian Hecox]

We not.

[Joven]

I've been talking about it for, like, weeks, and I was like, I got it. I finally got it.

[Lasercorn]

Not only talking about it, he's been on wiki feet looking for who in the cast has the best feet scores.

[Joven]

That is why I had to avoid Mari.

[Lasercorn]

Am I going to suck?

[Joven]

Mari's got some ugly feet. I don't have, like, a foot thing. It's not my thing. But, like, I know what's funny. I know. I love shock comedy. I'm all about it sometimes with actual shock collars. And. And this was just. I knew it was gonna be funny. And the fact that I had already.

[Ian Hecox]

Sucked that toe for, like, a minute.

[Joven]

I bounced with it.

[Ian Hecox]

I just felt like a minute because we. We did not like to watch that. Yeah, we felt.

[Joven]

I think Courtney felt there might be a conversation when we get back where I'm not allowed to be in videos with her, and I partly understand.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Joven]

Sorry, Courtney.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joven]

But also, we did it. We did it for the video, and it was hilarious, I think.

[Ian Hecox]

How did the toe.

[Lasercorn]

It was uncomfortable.

[Joven]

Well, so there's a trick to it. Like, I've done some pretty disgusting things in my career just on smosh alone.

[Ian Hecox]

Not the first thing. You sucked for a job.

[Joven]

Yeah. So I, like, there's. There's things you can do to make it not as bad for you. Like, I don't think her toe got any tongue, so it's, like, a whole lot of saliva and lip. And so, like, it really wasn't too bad for me till afterwards, I was like, you can feel like there was dirt. Like, her feet are dirty. We're walking around in the desert, and there's sweat and there's everything. So it's not good. But it was definitely worse for her than me.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Joven]

You just have to know how to turn it off in your brain and just barrel forward.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah. I think I might have just taken the point loss. I want to suck anyone's feet on camera.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, that's on camera. In general, I kept watching everyone's punishment. I'm like, gosh, some of these are really bad. I'm glad I didn't get them. And then my. Mine wasn't, like, too bad. It didn't. It didn't.

[Joven]

Yours. You had the.

[Ian Hecox]

I had the witness. Me.

[Joven]

The witness. I was actually worried about that.

[Ian Hecox]

That's why I got all the silver all over me.

[Joven]

Because we had done that in the office a while ago, and it. I don't know if it was the same stuff this time as it was then. It was, like, nasty.

[Ian Hecox]

They gave you real paint. They were trying to kill you.

[Lasercorn]

Well, it was. They gave it. You did it right out of the aerosol can. I don't know if it was real paint or not, but it was definitely much more unpleasant than the stuff you were using.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, mine wasn't that bad.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, they specifically didn't use the can again because I tried it once and I did it, and it, like, everything burned afterwards. My tongue and broke.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, that might have just been paint. You might have just sprayed paint into your mouth.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, it was. I don't.

[Joven]

I didn't, like, witness me getting cancer in my mouth.

[Lasercorn]

Well, here's the thing is, I did it for, like, an Instagram video or something, and I got through it. I'm like, witness me. And then immediately after, I was like, oh, what was your. But what was your worst punishment, Ian, so far?

[Ian Hecox]

I feel like I've never really gotten a really terrible punishment. I think. I think I had, like, wasabi. I did, like, eat some wasabi paste.

[Joven]

Was that in summer games or in general?

[Ian Hecox]

I think, because if we.

[Joven]

If we open it, like, you ever have, like, a moment that was like, maybe I don't need to do these anymore.

[Ian Hecox]

I mean, it was. I mean, for one of the punishments, it was the. I don't think it was the game bang to 72, which was, like, our big, like, fake celebration of, like, oh, my God, it's our 272nd to 72. Everyone is like, why 272? We're like, just because, like, why?

[Lasercorn]

Because an important.

[Joven]

We don't want to do 273. That's why.

[Ian Hecox]

But it was a big. It was a big tournament that we did. You remember when we brought, like, everyone together?

[Joven]

Everyone came back for it.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. I think that might have been 272. The lowest four people had to eat habanero peppers and sing karaoke. I want to say, was that for that.

[Joven]

That might have been for that.

[Ian Hecox]

I don't know whatever it was that I ate. Because obviously we've done habanero peppers several times.

[Joven]

I have a strict no peppers rule anymore because it. It shuts me down afterwards.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, we. Well, yeah.

[Lasercorn]

Causes tummy troubles for.

[Ian Hecox]

For some reason this. This time I was like, okay, like I did it and it was like normal. Obviously it sucks in your mouth and everything. But then on the drive home, like an hour later, all of a sudden I just started getting the worst stomach cramps and I thought I was going to like shit my pants. It's like in the car. And I was.

[Joven]

It's L. A. So it's like an hour to get down.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. Luckily it was like 10 minutes with. From. From my house. So I was like. I was just like. Just strangely like twisted in my car. I was like, okay, I can make it. I can make it for you.

[Lasercorn]

I like how in this recreation you're still on your phone even though you're twisting like this.

[Ian Hecox]

You're like, this is me holding onto my little tiny wheel because apparently I drive a power wheel.

[Joven]

So.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Joven]

No purchase necessary VGW Group void where prohibited by law 21/ terms and conditions apply. I think though, and it's funny because we did mention this on the way up. Is this thing that we've kind of blocked from our memory. The absolute worst punishment that we've ever done that should not have been done in the first place, should not have been filmed, and definitely should probably get taken down. Is the Dragon. The Dragon City Skin video.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh no, that's amazing.

[Joven]

No, that needs to get taken down. It is wildly inappropriate and none of us can join off.

[Ian Hecox]

No, you're just embarrassed. I. We watched. We. We rewatched that on the drive up here and I still found it hilarious. It's. This is the weird part. That was a brand deal, was a brand new.

[Joven]

And how did we get away with that?

[Ian Hecox]

I don't know, cuz I think it. Was it like a. I mean, was it like a weird like foreign company that was maybe that was just like.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, sure, Makes Dragon City.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. Yeah. So they. So basically the pitch was we're gonna have, like, these battles and everyone is, like, in these, like, really elaborate, like, dragon costumes and makeup. But the losers, because in the game you could, like, have dragons mate and make a baby. So the losers had to do a full on, like, mating scene. And it was like a. It was like a dragon sex scene. All my. All my scale. What do they call? Like, like furry people, but they're into dragons.

[Joven]

Scale.

[Ian Hecox]

Scale.

[Lasercorn]

Scalies.

[Joven]

Scalies.

[Lasercorn]

I don't know.

[Ian Hecox]

It might be scalies. I don't know.

[Lasercorn]

I didn't know that was such a thing.

[Ian Hecox]

All my dragon kin out there probably really dug it, you know?

[Joven]

Or like, we're offended because we didn't respect it.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Joven]

The last shot of it is kind of awesome with, like, our wings opening apart. And then there's Mario reveals the baby. Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. But I mean, like, you guys all doing your. Your dragon mating. It was. It was very beautifully shot.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, it was sensual.

[Ian Hecox]

And you can see, like, Anthony and I are just like, kind of like awkwardly standing behind it all, like, what the hell is going on? Yeah. It was definitely the strangest brand deal. Well, I don't know.

[Joven]

It's the top two cringiest videos for me that I've done that. If they went off the Internet, I'd be happy.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, the Sonic video.

[Joven]

Oh, no, no. Sonic wasn't even that word.

[Lasercorn]

That was pretty pingy.

[Joven]

If I can get rid of the. The Emma. Emma Watson. Emma Watson video. If I can get rid of that, I'd be happy.

[Lasercorn]

You got to talk to Emma Watson.

[Joven]

That was great. It was the rap. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. What was the rap again?

[Joven]

I don't know. I blacked out.

[Lasercorn]

It was better than the west rap.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, but anything's better than the west rap. I think we also mentioned the west rap in. In the podcast with.

[Lasercorn]

You gotta bring up the western.

[Joven]

Yeah. That's a pinnacle moment.

[Ian Hecox]

We haven't mentioned it at Summer Games yet. We haven't actually, like, brought it up in a video. And I don't know if there's gonna be a rule about us not mentioning it for the belly flop at the end of the month because we're doing the belly flop competition, guys, so make sure you stick.

[Lasercorn]

I'll mention it before the belly flop competition.

[Ian Hecox]

I think we should. I don't know, man.

[Joven]

I think the joke has had its time.

[Ian Hecox]

I think that ship sailed.

[Joven]

Yeah.

[Lasercorn]

Okay. We can let it die, please. Let's roll it one more time.

[Ian Hecox]

We'll probably bring it up. We'll probably bring it up, but now that I'm on Wes's team, I don't know if I want to mess with his head like that. I don't want a west with his head, you know? Yeah. I'm excited to see what he brings, because we think that he's been training this whole year.

[Joven]

He's almost died in a belly flop incident. His belly flops have been more flips than flops.

[Ian Hecox]

Yep. They've always been. He tries.

[Joven]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Let's just say that it's one of.

[Joven]

Those things where it's, like, in your head. You could see it, but your head doesn't tell you. No, we can't do that.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. He's got. He's got the American confidence. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I could do that.

[Lasercorn]

The confidence with no real reason behind it.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[Lasercorn]

There's no reason to believe I should be able to do this, but I do believe it.

[Ian Hecox]

That's the American way.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Joven]

Because, like, we call that manifest destiny.

[Lasercorn]

And you're in words.

[Joven]

All right, but this one's been fun so far. Like, it's. We've got Kimmy here, which is actually kind of cool. We've got, like, just new energy. I told her afterwards. I was like, you were in the crosshairs. I felt like it was too soon to, like, make you think I was the weird one.

[Lasercorn]

Oh, were you thinking about sucking your toe?

[Joven]

I was thinking about it.

[Ian Hecox]

I was like, I want to get you. I tried to throw Kimmy into the fire right there because we were all talking about who's totally. You suck. And I just instinctively stepped forward, and I was like, I volunteer as tribute. But then after everyone thought that would be a bad idea, then I was like, okay, Kimmy, Kimmy.

[Joven]

Now she knows that, like, she got her free one, and she doesn't know when I'm going to get her.

[Ian Hecox]

Okay. Yeah.

[Lasercorn]

Oh, you gave her a pass on that one. That's nice of you.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. I'm still. I'm still hoping we could break Kimmy by the end of. By the end of Summer games.

[Lasercorn]

This is her first and last summer game.

[Ian Hecox]

She's got it. She's got to be broken down to be built up. You know that. That's how it always works. Have you seen whiplash?

[Lasercorn]

That guy was such a jerk.

[Ian Hecox]

We got a whip. We got a whiplash, Kimmy.

[Joven]

So over the. Over the different games you had. Shane had his First Summer Games where he was a ref, you had Damien. His first Summer Games was west. And now Kimmy gets this one as. As her first, like, appearance in Summer Games. So, you know, they're keeping the.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, yeah. There's just. There's just too many dudes. There's too many dudes in Smosh Summer Games.

[Lasercorn]

Too many dudes.

[Ian Hecox]

We need.

[Lasercorn]

We need a Smosh Games is a. It's a sausage. Big Summer Games. It's a sausage fest. Let's just say it.

[Joven]

Well, you know, during the summer, you got a barbecue. You got to.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, you got to whip out the sausage.

[Joven]

Yeah, you got to whip out the sausage. We're cancelled.

[Ian Hecox]

All right. I need to move on from this. This is getting a little weird. Start talking about sausages can make me hungry.

[Joven]

The food's been great. The food has been great. This is probably the best year for food we've had.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, man. The food spread was stellar. Gosh, they just had everything. Like, that's the funny thing about the. The caterer is up here in Barstow.

[Joven]

They go ham without even having ham.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Joven]

Did you see those potatoes?

[Ian Hecox]

The potatoes were the size of footballs. Every single one. They were all individually wrapped in foil. And it's like, you. You see a bunch of huge potatoes, you're like, okay, I'm gonna search for a small one. And you couldn't find one.

[Joven]

No small potatoes here.

[Ian Hecox]

Gigantic.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, that's from the radiation, from the nuclear test that they do out here. The Barstow nuclear tests.

[Ian Hecox]

That's right.

[Lasercorn]

Now all their potatoes are giant, and they may give you superpowers or cancer. It's a coin flip.

[Ian Hecox]

Whichever one comes first.

[Joven]

Yeah. Cancer is a superpower. We don't know.

[Ian Hecox]

I've seen Chernobyl. Not a lot of people flying around.

[Lasercorn]

That's true.

[Joven]

I couldn't do Chernobyl. I couldn't do it.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, it's depressing.

[Joven]

Yeah. It's just too sad. And you, like. You watch the first episode and you just know, like, this isn't gonna go well for anyone. I'm good.

[Ian Hecox]

I think it was described best. Somebody was like, it's gooey. I was like, yeah, it's pretty gooey. I think around episode three gets pretty gooey.

[Joven]

Didn't make it that far.

[Ian Hecox]

It's. It's really. It's really, really well made. Apparently Russia is working on their own.

[Lasercorn]

Where an American. Yeah, I heard about this. Where an American spy blows up the. Yeah, that's their angle. Yeah. That's so dumb that it was American sabotage.

[Joven]

We don't know. That didn't happen.

[Lasercorn]

Not Russian incompetence.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, of course not.

[Joven]

They've had, like, some good scientists, Right. They got a guy that made Tetris. They got smart people.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, but even smart people can do stupid stuff.

[Joven]

Yeah, I'm aware. Do it all the time.

[Lasercorn]

And also, it wasn't. They cheaped out on. On the rods or whatever. And those were like the. That's what they said in the. In the show anyway. And that was like a bureaucratic decision, I'm sure.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, it was the fatal flaw because they. They went with a cheaper alternative, apparently.

[Lasercorn]

The graphite.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, the graphite.

[Joven]

I feel like there's just some things you don't skimp out on, like toilet paper and, you know, nuclear.

[Ian Hecox]

Nuclear fission.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, Nuclear control rod.

[Joven]

Those ones. You get the name brand.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lasercorn]

You got Costco brands.

[Joven]

The Kirkland of nuclear reactors.

[Ian Hecox]

I think when it comes to, you know, large governments like that, the people that are writing the checks and making the decisions aren't the scientists. So scientists is like, hey, we shouldn't do that. And they're like, but it's cheaper, so I mean, it not explode.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah. Do your job and shut up.

[Ian Hecox]

Just don't put all the control rods in at the same time and it'll be okay. Like, when is that ever going to happen? It's fine. Graphite tips. Who knows? Like, this accent's getting worse.

[Lasercorn]

I don't know what it is.

[Joven]

Next week's podcast, Ian's only doing that accent.

[Ian Hecox]

Just bad, bad, obscure Eastern European accent. It's good if you don't keep it specific. It's not racist.

[Joven]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Keep it vague, because if it bounces around different regions, there's safety and ambiguity. Exactly. See, you don't know what accent that is.

[Lasercorn]

Like, Arnold just suffered a head injury.

[Joven]

He just got drop kicked.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah. Did you see that guy? That drop kicked him and just, like, bounced off. And Arnold.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Lasercorn]

Oh, I didn't notice.

[Joven]

He didn't notice. He's still, like, went forward and it was really like.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. That guy literally ran at him and jumped in the air and kicked him and he barely moved, and he just like, huh? What? Oh, okay.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

And he, like, he made some funny tweet about it. I love Arnold.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

I can't believe he was our freaking governor. It's so weird. He was a governor of California.

[Lasercorn]

Did he do a good job? I don't. I don't know what he did during his time.

[Ian Hecox]

I mean, we're still here, so I guess it worked out okay. I just Love that. Like, during his tenure as governor of California, all the airports had really annoying shirts because all the shirts like the governator. And it was just like, God, can we just get past this timeline?

[Lasercorn]

I'd like to point out, though, that during his tenure, not once were we attacked by predators.

[Joven]

Same thing could be said about Jesse Ventura and wherever he was.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, Minnesota or something like that.

[Lasercorn]

Both of those. As soon as they took over, both of those places were fairly free of predator. No, entirely free of predator attacks during their entire term. I'm not saying it's a coincidence.

[Ian Hecox]

And now we have a predator in the White House. Sorry.

[Lasercorn]

No, leave it in.

[Joven]

Facts are facts. I mean, it's just an opinion.

[Ian Hecox]

I mean, I don't think we're gonna.

[Joven]

I'm looking at you for guidance.

[Ian Hecox]

I don't expect to be invited to the White House, so I guess it's probably okay.

[Joven]

It's fine.

[Ian Hecox]

We were invited to the White House once, and they were like, you can meet Obama. And then we were like, oh, cool. And then they did, like, a background check, and they're like, you can't meet Obama.

[Lasercorn]

Wait, what came up? What flagged you?

[Ian Hecox]

I have no idea. We did, like, a presidential rap. It was this character we had a long time ago called Boxman, and he was running for president against John McCain and Barack Obama. And in it, he says a lot of very disparaging, totally untrue things about both John McCain and Barack Obama. And I. I don't remember a lot of it, but I know that, like, we said that John McCain smokes crack. And.

[Joven]

And it's one of those things.

[Ian Hecox]

Barack Obama has a chubby belly, and we just, like, Photoshop Barack looking fatter.

[Joven]

Hilarious.

[Ian Hecox]

It was really.

[Lasercorn]

That's a blatant lie. He's in shape, men.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. And we put. We put cocaine dust all over. We made John McCain look like the crack guy from Dave Chappelle Show.

[Lasercorn]

Oh, nice. Tyrone Biggums.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, Tyrone Biggums.

[Lasercorn]

And I'm sure, like, they didn't have.

[Joven]

To do a deep search. All they had to do is search smosh president and then see what videos pop up.

[Ian Hecox]

I think that's what they did. I think that's what they did. And so they said we couldn't meet Obama, but we could meet Joe Biden. And we're like. We're like.

[Joven]

You mean future president Joe Biden?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, we were just like, nah, we.

[Lasercorn]

Didn'T go, no, thanks.

[Ian Hecox]

Like, no.

[Lasercorn]

We just want to picture Biden sad somewhere. Like, oh.

[Joven]

I love the Pokemon rap. I wanted to meet.

[Lasercorn]

Liking all your videos.

[Ian Hecox]

So you guys are both married?

[Joven]

Yes, that we are.

[Lasercorn]

Hello.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Joven]

No purchase necessary vgw group void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[Ian Hecox]

Do you have any tips? Do you have any tips for me for when I finally find my heart and give it to someone? Do you want to know deserves it?

[Joven]

The big advice, what's that? Get married. But don't get married.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh.

[Joven]

Because here's the thing. I. When. When. When I got engaged, okay, one month later, I had. We had some friends of ours that saw us at a party. They came up and. And they gave us the advice. Hey, we're so excited for you. We just got married to. Just a heads up, don't have a wedding.

[Ian Hecox]

What?

[Joven]

And I was like, wait, what? He's like, yeah, we put that money towards a house and we did this. Then we were able to do this. We had a big part. I was like, oh, that's. That's pretty cool. But then, like, Tyler came like, oh, we still had a. Spent way too much money on a wedding. But it's funny because, like, I, in the world of production, understand what a budget is.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, yeah.

[Joven]

And so we sat down one day early on, I was like, okay, so we're gonna have a wedding. All right, so that's. Here's the budget. And then she. Yeah, she's like, oh, yeah, here's the budget. And then we'll wind up spending more. I was like, no, no, no, no. Here's the budget. So, yeah, we have a budget, and you always spend a little bit more than the budget. I was like, I don't think you know what a budget is.

[Ian Hecox]

So, Joven, are you telling me you're the first person in existence to. To set a budget for a wedding and stay on?

[Lasercorn]

Well, no, he's saying he's the first person to stay on budget.

[Joven]

No, because it didn't work. It doesn't happen. You never stay on budget. And I now understand you can't stay on budget with a wedding. Oh, it's impossible.

[Ian Hecox]

And that's why we ended up freezing our asses off outside in Colorado. In Colorado. After the sun went down, after the wind blowing, after it just rained days.

[Joven]

Winter started.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Joven]

No, that's. And then he's like, afterwards, like, you. You have the one. It's nice, and it's a wonderful thing. I don't regret it at all. I just don't remember it. Where that could have been. And then when we moved to the city that we moved to, like, that could have been the differ. Like, the money that we spent, I could put that towards a larger place in a better city and I.

[Ian Hecox]

Or just a bigger down payment.

[Joven]

Yeah, bigger down payment with smaller. Like, there's just. Weddings are great. Sure, whatever. But at the same time, it's a lot of money.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, I think. I think generally a lot of people. Now, I mean, everybody says it, but I think they all just end up doing the wedding.

[Joven]

Yeah. No, it always happens.

[Ian Hecox]

Everybody. Everyone always says, like, no, we'll just, like, get. We'll just get eloped, and then we'll throw a party for our friends.

[Joven]

That's the best idea.

[Ian Hecox]

That's what everybody says. But I feel like everyone's like, yeah, but, like, ceremony would be nice and pictures would be nice.

[Joven]

The evolution starts. It's like, we'll just have a small wedding. 15 people turns into 30 people. 30 people turns into 100 people.

[Ian Hecox]

We got to invite my cousins.

[Joven]

That's what happened. Yeah, that's what happened.

[Ian Hecox]

I know. I know.

[Joven]

Spent so much money.

[Ian Hecox]

But, like, I enjoyed myself at your wedding.

[Joven]

Like, it was a fun night. We had a great time. It was fun. We. We lit a cauldron fire. It was great.

[Ian Hecox]

And the next morning, we all went to Casa Bonita.

[Lasercorn]

Casa Bonita.

[Joven]

I don't know if I recommend that.

[Ian Hecox]

But, you know, no. Casa Bonita is amazing.

[Lasercorn]

I enjoyed Casa Bonita as well.

[Joven]

I'm shaking my head. Previously.

[Ian Hecox]

For those of you that don't know what Casa Bonita is, I'll just explain it really quickly. It was in a South park episode. Essentially, it's a Mexican restaurant. It's three levels high. It's completely indoors. There is a pool in the center.

[Joven]

You don't get to go in the pool.

[Ian Hecox]

You don't get to go in the pool. There are performers there, and it's sort of a Western recreation type thing. There's cowboys, but then there's also a gorilla named Chiquita. And there's like a jungle section, and there's people shooting. There's. And there's people. Occasionally. There'll be divers. They'll go to the third. They'll go to the third floor floor and jump off into this pool that's in the middle of the restaurant. They'll do like three flips, go into the water. The whole place. If you've ever been on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, it smells terrible. It's just horrible.

[Joven]

40 year old resin.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, it's a 40 year old chlorine smell. And. And that place has been there since the 70s. I don't think it's ever been. I don't think the water's ever been changed. There's also an. A fake indoor cave in there that exits out into a gift shop. Also, you get your food on this tray. It's infamously known as having the worst Mexican food.

[Joven]

The worst food.

[Lasercorn]

It's pretty bad.

[Ian Hecox]

It's not great, but if you go in knowing it's bad, it's not bad.

[Lasercorn]

What are the free desserts you get though?

[Joven]

SOPA's were good.

[Ian Hecox]

That's another draw of this thing. They have this. So at your table you have this flag. And if you want sopapillas, you raise the flag and they come with these little sopapillas, which are just fried bread.

[Joven]

I feel like we're really selling this place.

[Ian Hecox]

I am selling this place.

[Joven]

It's not a place that people should go to.

[Ian Hecox]

No. If you go to. If you go to the Denver area, you must go to Casa Bonita. You will not. I will not guarantee that you will have a good time, but you must go. Yes.

[Lasercorn]

Also, they do a promotion that not a lot of people know about. If the. If the cliff diver misses and hits the rocks. Free nachos for your table.

[Ian Hecox]

Yes.

[Lasercorn]

So, but you know, yell stuff at him when he's.

[Joven]

I'm going back to. I'm actually kind of curious on what your wedding or your marriage advice would.

[Lasercorn]

Be for Ian because mine was just.

[Joven]

Like, you know, don't spend money.

[Lasercorn]

Never go to bed angry. If you're about to go to bed angry with each other, just end the night with some light dueling.

[Joven]

Oh, yeah, just dueling.

[Ian Hecox]

See, I thought you were going to have some real, like, nice advice.

[Lasercorn]

Good advice.

[Ian Hecox]

I was like, wow. Honestly, I actually like that is.

[Joven]

That is some cliche advice that I don't. My wife doesn't like that advice. She's like, no, I'm gonna go to bed angry and I'll wake up not angry. I'm like, fine.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

That doesn't sound. That doesn't sound.

[Lasercorn]

Here's the actual advice I will give for you. There is no advice that works for every couple. Every couple is different. Find out what works for you. Because, yeah, sometimes, like, I agree with Joven, sometimes the person you're with just needs a night to clear their head, and then things are better in the morning. So, like, that advice might not work for everyone. So find what works for you.

[Ian Hecox]

So that wasn't advice. That was just you discounting his advice.

[Lasercorn]

No, no, I said I'm not discounting it. I said it. It probably worked.

[Ian Hecox]

Your advice was that you shouldn't listen to advice because everybody's different.

[Lasercorn]

Fine. Well. Well, no, here. Well, his advice was don't spend a lot on a wedding, which is good, universal advice, no matter who. You don't spend a lot on wedding. Yeah.

[Joven]

Put it towards real estate.

[Lasercorn]

That's the. That's the only piece of universal advice. Everything else, well, take it with a grain of salt.

[Ian Hecox]

What's one thing that works for you?

[Lasercorn]

What's one thing that works for us? Still, like, you're not dating anymore, but still do date nights. Like, plan something out.

[Ian Hecox]

Plan.

[Lasercorn]

So. And don't. And here's the thing. Don't do it spur of the moment. Don't just be like, we have a free night. We should go out. Like, actually look at your calendar. Be like, neither one of us are doing something X night. We should go do a thing we wanted to do.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah. Because it is very. And you might say, like, oh, that's easy. But it is very easy once you're married, to slip into the. Well, you know, we'll just figure something out on the fly, you know, when. When we have a free night together.

[Ian Hecox]

That's actually. That's some solid advice. Hey, thank you, Corn. I'll give you a little clap clap.

[Lasercorn]

Oh, thanks, Golf clap.

[Ian Hecox]

Chovin. Hit me with something better than that.

[Joven]

Don't get four dogs.

[Lasercorn]

We just have to one up each other now. Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Don't get four dogs.

[Joven]

Four dogs.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, everyone knows that, Joven. Everyone knows you don't get four. Four dogs stop at three.

[Lasercorn]

Don't get any dogs over 120 pounds.

[Joven]

Okay, well, I don't have a dog over 120 pounds. That's great. It's 120 pounds.

[Lasercorn]

It's not over 110 pounds.

[Joven]

Dude, my big dog is the best dog. Like, Scotty is a German. Not a German shepherd. It's a. Sorry, I was thinking of Daisy. Yeah, it's a St Bernard. £120. But it is the biggest snuggle bunny.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, yeah. Supernards are total. It's great.

[Joven]

It's just got a giant derpy face. And it's funny because, like, all the gravity's taking their face down. And, like, if I'm gonna, like, take her outside and she's excited to go outside, she'll just look up at me with her mouth down and just, like, her face is, like, drooping. I'm like, oh, that's my favorite dog. I have a favorite dog, and I'm okay with that.

[Ian Hecox]

Giant dogs are the best. They are.

[Joven]

They're. They're awesome.

[Lasercorn]

Scotty is. Is a cuddle bug, but I don't think I could. I could deal with that monster in my house all of the time.

[Ian Hecox]

You got a good spread of.

[Joven]

Well, here's the thing.

[Ian Hecox]

Like, you.

[Joven]

You've only seen my dog, like, when you come over. And, like, she's excited because. Because Freya the Golden will get really excited. So she'll get really excited if, like, Scotty's just, like, by herself. When she meets someone, it's excited for a few minutes and then she's just, like, there with them, like, around the house, day to day. Scotty's cool. Just, like, lies there and does her thing.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, I agree.

[Joven]

Cool dog.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. And your Pomeranian, surprisingly not an.

[Joven]

Yeah, no, it's a. She'll. She'll bark because of the Pomeranian, so she'll do the barky thing every now and then. We can't get that out of her. But, like, other than that, she's fine. She's, like, the best.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Joven]

Still not my favorite, but still good.

[Lasercorn]

Little fluff box.

[Ian Hecox]

Who would make a worst dad? And this is a question for lasercorn. Who would make a worst dad? Myself or Joven?

[Lasercorn]

Oh, that's a tough one.

[Joven]

I'm not going to look at you. I'm not going to. I'm not going to try to, like, change your answer with my mind or anything. I'm just going to let you speak honestly.

[Lasercorn]

This is rough. I don't know. Well, here's the thing is, I've seen Joven around his dogs. He's very affectionate with the dogs. So, like, that's a point in his favor.

[Joven]

You've also seen me around your child, but.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Joven]

Not trying to influence your answer.

[Lasercorn]

That's true. But Ian came to Korean barbecue with my child once and didn't bring any present for my child. Ian would be the worst dad.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, sounds about right.

[Lasercorn]

No present for Tyler. I remember now. Oh, you terrible, terrible menu.

[Ian Hecox]

Why would I bring a present to Korean barbecue?

[Joven]

It's gonna smell like Korean.

[Ian Hecox]

Smell like Korean barbecue.

[Lasercorn]

I don't know. I don't.

[Ian Hecox]

It's gonna have.

[Joven]

Tyler still smells like Korean barbecue from that night.

[Lasercorn]

I had to make a decision, and there's no real frame of reference.

[Ian Hecox]

No, you're probably right. Joven would be a better dad. I kind of look at small humans. Like, they're just kind of, like, there.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

I'm just like. Oh, you're not. Like, you're not smart like an adult.

[Joven]

See, well, here's the thing. Like, I would be loving and present and I think a good dad, but also, I'd be ready and not stop my kid from doing something dumb because I want to laugh when he gets hurt. Like, that's gonna be me.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Lasercorn]

And you'll put it on the Internet. Yeah. All enjoy your.

[Joven]

Yeah. Like, it's. It's. It's. I'm gonna also, like, you know, go fail in life. Yeah. Great.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Joven]

That was stupid. There's still some of that. So.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. You're gonna call your kids stupid.

[Joven]

Possibly.

[Ian Hecox]

All right. I think I'm the better dad.

[Lasercorn]

Joe Jeans. Yes. I've changed my mind. It's not even.

[Ian Hecox]

I would.

[Lasercorn]

I forgot about. I would.

[Ian Hecox]

I would internalize. I would think my kid's stupid.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

But I wouldn't tell him that to his face.

[Joven]

I'm going to have a weird kid unless I.

[Ian Hecox]

Unless I whiplash my kid. Not. I'm saying, not, like, whip him, but I'm saying if I do to unto. What was that actor's name? Miles Teller. If. If I was the Miles Teller, my child. And I was the J.K. simmons of whiplash.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah.

[Joven]

I should really watch this movie so I can get your references.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, it's great.

[Joven]

I hear it's awesome.

[Ian Hecox]

Fabulous.

[Lasercorn]

I just remember, though, that Joven consistently sends me gifts of children being hurt, which I think is a really bad sign.

[Joven]

Go to Reddit.com r children falling over. It's fantastic.

[Lasercorn]

So I changed my answer to Ian.

[Ian Hecox]

No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't want that. Because I follow an Instagram account called Kids Getting Hurt.

[Lasercorn]

They'd both be terrible dads. Neither one should reproduce.

[Joven]

There you go.

[Ian Hecox]

It's so great. You see so many kids doing what they call the scorpion.

[Lasercorn]

Oh, my God, come back.

[Ian Hecox]

They're so move.

[Joven]

They've got that forward momentum, and their legs just flip over and they're sp. Like, I can't do that now.

[Ian Hecox]

Flexible.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah. No, you would be crippled if that happened to you.

[Ian Hecox]

If they're so malleable. They just. They just Crunch it.

[Joven]

Summer Games isn't over. I could still Scorpion.

[Ian Hecox]

That's true. So just one last question. Like, where do you. Where do you see Smosh Games going? And how would you like to. How would you like to.

[Lasercorn]

Straight to hell.

[Ian Hecox]

Okay.

[Lasercorn]

No.

[Joven]

All right. You know, seeing Kimmy at this trip is actually kind of reminded me how great it is to see the magic of New Blood Joy and seeing more of, like, the blurred lines and seen more Smosh people in Smosh Games videos and seen what that characters like, because we know, like, if Lasercorn and I are in a video, we know what that video is going to be like. But to see these new combinations and see this new, fresh atmosphere and these fresh blood, really, it's just like, I. I'm excited to see what's next. Yeah, let's get Kimmy in some SG videos.

[Ian Hecox]

Let's.

[Joven]

Let's open the doors. Let's have some fun. Let's get weird. Let's see what can happen. Yeah, let's change things up.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah. I definitely see. See them moving into the future. Like, we got, like, Smosh Games has to get on board with the future tech. The. The new. The new VR. And. Yeah, man, have you seen the quest?

[Joven]

That went so well.

[Ian Hecox]

That's the first time I've ever wanted VR. Like, all the other things. Like, I don't have a PC, so I didn't want to, like, invest in a VR thing. But now the Oculus Quest, I looked at him like, I actually kind of want that.

[Lasercorn]

Into the future.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. All right. Well, into the future. That's. That's the mantra we'll carry with Smosh Games into the future. If you guys aren't watching Smosh Summer Games, what the frick are you doing?

[Joven]

Listen to a podcast, apparently.

[Ian Hecox]

Go subscribe to Smosh Pit and Smosh Games. Go catch up, because it's week three. We got one more week of Smosh Games Smash. I'm sorry. We got one more week of Smash Summer Games, baby. Why am I always burping right at the end? I don't get it.

[Joven]

Extra air?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Smosh Summer Games Apocalypse.

[Joven]

Go back and watch the other ones. They used to be marathon in these.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, this has been a blast. I can't wait for to. To see.

[Joven]

We gotta find out if the streak ends when it ends.

[Ian Hecox]

True.

[Lasercorn]

It will never end. Spoiler. The streak will never end.

[Ian Hecox]

By the way, what was the hashtag we decided on?

[Joven]

Break the streak.

[Ian Hecox]

Break the hashtag. Break the streak.

[Lasercorn]

Hashtag.

[Ian Hecox]

The streak is real, so get in Those comments get on that Twitter spread that hashtag show your love. Also, if you want to show your love for which your favorite team.

[Lasercorn]

Oh, right, right.

[Ian Hecox]

We got mushroom clout shirts and the toxic unbiased.

[Joven]

I actually really do like my.

[Lasercorn]

They don't come with the nipples cut out like this.

[Ian Hecox]

Thank God.

[Lasercorn]

This is a personal alteration. I mean but if, if you hit.

[Joven]

Up laser going, he'll. He'll cut holes for you.

[Lasercorn]

Yeah, yeah, I'll sign it and cut some nipples.

[Ian Hecox]

Please don't. Please don't be a special option. Every one of us like our nipples covered. Thank you. So if you're not yet subscribed to the smoshcast, please do so. You can subscribe on any of your favorite podcasts things. And if you're watching this on YouTube, which comes out on Fridays, subscribe to the Smoshcast on YouTube. Do all this stuff. Hit a like punch that bell button so you know when a new video comes out. And thank you Joven and Lasercorn for coming on.

[Joven]

Thank you for holding us hostage and.

[Ian Hecox]

Best of luck with the rest of the games, baby.

[Lasercorn]

Oh yeah, you will need it.

[Ian Hecox]

And we'll see you guys next time.

[Joven]

Adios.

[Lasercorn]

Bye bye.

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[Ian Hecox]

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[Joven]

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