S1: #42 - You Can’t Trick Someone Into Falling In Love With You

Summary

Podcast Title: Smosh Mouth
Host/Authors: Smosh
Episode: Season 1, Episode #42 - You Can’t Trick Someone Into Falling In Love With You
Release Date: December 11, 2019

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Introduction

In S1: #42 - You Can’t Trick Someone Into Falling In Love With You, the Smosh team—Shayne Topp, Amanda Lehan-Canto, and Damien Haas—alongside guest Courtney Miller, delve into a variety of personal and relatable topics. From relationship dynamics and college survival to saving money and overcoming creative self-doubt, the hosts provide insightful and humorous advice for their listeners.

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1. Comfortable On-Camera vs. Off-Camera Confidence

[00:35 - 00:57]

Shayne Topp opens the episode by reflecting on his comfort levels on and off camera.

• Shayne Topp [00:35]: "The weirdest thing about me personally, I am at my least nervous and most comfortable with myself on camera."

Damien Haas humorously responds, highlighting the contrast between on-screen personas and real-life confidence.

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2. How to Survive College

[18:27 - 21:45]

The conversation shifts to offering advice on surviving college, particularly focusing on building a social network and finding one's community.

• Shayne Topp [20:12]: "You have to create a life for yourself. This is your opportunity in a new city, in a new place, in a new job to really decide what you want out of life and what you want to do."

Damien Haas emphasizes the importance of joining groups and being proactive in meeting new people.

• Damien Haas [20:54]: "Join an improv group. I would go meet people out. And so once you have friends and a community there in your new city, you will be like, oh, yeah, you'll feel more fulfilled, and it'll feel more like your new home."

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3. Saving Money Tips

[06:34 - 13:10]

The hosts discuss practical strategies for saving money, especially for those starting their careers or in college.

• Damien Haas [07:25]: "If your job offers a 401k deal and they, a lot of companies do matching, so if you took like 3% of your salary and you put it away in a 401k, they will match up to a certain point."

Shayne Topp adds simple yet effective tips like cooking at home to reduce expenses.

• Shayne Topp [11:08]: "For me an on the ground way of really saving money is learning how to cook and cooking your own food. It is astounding how much money we end up spending, going out or ordering food every month."

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4. Making Friends and Overcoming Introversion

[51:48 - 54:05]

The discussion turns to the challenges of making friends, especially for introverted individuals, and the stigma around male friendships.

• Shane Topp [52:03]: "Making friends is really what's funny is it's actually easier than you'd think, but it's just not something we ever talk about."

Damien Haas highlights the importance of creating a safe space for vulnerability among male friends.

• Damien Haas [56:41]: "Creating that safe space and being like, tell me what's going on. Just tell me."

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5. Handling Relationships and Love

[27:50 - 40:38]

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to relationship advice, focusing on the idea that love cannot be forced and the importance of mutual commitment.

• Damien Haas [32:36]: "You cannot trick someone into falling in love with you. Both sides have to feel compelled to do the next step."

Shayne Topp discusses the importance of self-confidence and pursuing personal growth rather than seeking validation through relationships.

• Shayne Topp [36:00]: "You're someone who's not happy and confident in your own self, doing your own journey. You need someone else. And for anyone else, that's a lot of pressure."

Courtney Miller emphasizes the significance of focusing on oneself and allowing relationships to develop naturally.

• Courtney Miller [35:08]: "Put yourself out there as honestly and truthfully as you possibly can. If they're interested, then great. If they're not, then move on."

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6. Dealing with Loss

[76:23 - 81:57]

The hosts offer compassionate advice on supporting someone who has experienced a loss, stressing the importance of being present and listening without judgment.

• Shane Topp [79:56]: "The best thing you can be doing is listening."

Damien Haas shares personal experiences to underscore the enduring pain of loss and the need for time and support.

• Damien Haas [81:35]: "When it's a loss, it's like when my grandmother's passed away, like, it's just time and you gotta give it its moment."

---

7. Overcoming Imposter Syndrome in Art

[63:34 - 69:00]

Addressing creative self-doubt, the hosts discuss imposter syndrome and encourage artists to embrace their unique tastes and continuous improvement.

• Damien Haas [65:09]: "Not everything you make has to be perfect. Just put it out there, and look at it and be like, what can I improve for the next time?"

Courtney Miller highlights the evolution of artistic style and the importance of enjoying the creative process.

• Courtney Miller [65:37]: "Art is a craft and you're not going to be the next Da Vinci. Look at anyone’s old work and see how they've improved."

---

8. Fashion Tips for the Less Confident

[71:31 - 85:56]

The episode concludes with fashion advice tailored for those lacking confidence, emphasizing comfort, personal style, and avoiding fleeting trends.

• Shane Topp [73:11]: "A really good pair of blue jeans, some basic classic sneakers, some white T-shirts, and then I can go crazy from there."

Damien Haas advises against following trends blindly and instead focusing on what makes one feel comfortable.

• Damien Haas [73:58]: "Find what makes you feel comfortable. If you don't like tight stuff around your stomach, wear loose shirts, loose hoodies, loose dresses."

Courtney Miller underscores the value of basics, especially for those on a budget, and recommends thrifting and stores like Uniqlo for affordable staples.

• Courtney Miller [75:14]: "Basics are really important because it's like high quality staple pieces."

---

Notable Quotes

• Damien Haas [32:36]: "You can never, ever, ever force him to do it. That's not romantic."
• Shayne Topp [36:00]: "You need someone else. And for anyone else, that's a lot of pressure."
• Shane Topp [52:03]: "Making friends is actually easier than you'd think."
• Shane Topp [73:11]: "Having a lot of those foundation pieces really helped then for me to bring out the crazy things I wanted to do."

---

Conclusion

In this episode, Smosh Mouth provides a blend of heartfelt advice and lighthearted banter, addressing everyday challenges with sincerity and humor. Whether it's navigating the complexities of love, managing finances, or building meaningful friendships, the hosts offer actionable insights aimed at helping listeners lead fulfilling lives.

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Note: Advertisements and promotional segments have been excluded to focus solely on the episode's content.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Shane Topp]

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[Courtney Miller]

Ramble.

[Shane Topp]

The weirdest thing about me personally, I am at my least nervous and most comfortable with myself on camera.

[Damien Haas]

You won't even get a job at Smosh with a face tattoo of Smosh. No, no.

[Shane Topp]

Smosh right across the forehead.

[Damien Haas]

Oh my God.

[Shane Topp]

So did I get it?

[Damien Haas]

When you're in a relationship, both sides have to feel compelled to do the next step. He's not taking the next step. He's not feeling compelled to do it. You can never, ever, ever force him to do it. That's not romantic.

[Courtney Miller]

And I've done that.

[Shane Topp]

Fuck boy Ian, right here. The most romantic thing I've done is sometimes I fuck really good.

[Courtney Miller]

It has nothing to do with fucking good. And I'll flash you. Yeah, flash me.

[Shane Topp]

Damian's fans have the craziest handles for sure.

[Damien Haas]

Well, you used to too. I used to see a lot. I don't see them as often. Damien's the hot new boy.

[Shane Topp]

But mine were like puns. It'd be like, Shane top hat. Damien's are like. It's like five paragraphs.

[Damien Haas]

Damien is an angel sent from heaven above.

[Shane Topp]

Literally. It's more like that. Mine were never like that. It was like, Shane, top hat.

[Courtney Miller]

Well, hello, hello, hello. Welcome to a special smoshcast. Smosh. Advice, advice, cast advisory, episode advicearoy.

[Damien Haas]

All the advice, all the time.

[Courtney Miller]

Today I am joined by certified advice expert professionals, Sarah Whittle and Shane Taub.

[Shane Topp]

Yep. We got our certification from the University of Phoenix. Advice giving was our major.

[Courtney Miller]

Yep.

[Damien Haas]

It's a Bachelor of science, weirdly enough.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

That sounds like some bs.

[Damien Haas]

Never heard that one before.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, good.

[Courtney Miller]

Because you have a dad.

[Damien Haas]

Why did that sound so insulting? But it wasn't. It was just like the tone that you had said that I was like, should I be hurt right now?

[Courtney Miller]

Sorry.

[Shane Topp]

Probably because you have a dad.

[Courtney Miller]

Let me try that again. Cause you have a dad.

[Damien Haas]

Yay.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. So we reached out to you guys and we found. We asked you guys to send us your questions if you were looking for advice on all sorts of things. And we're gonna be here to answer some of them. So let's start off light because, you know, you guys asked some pretty deep stuff. So let's start off with the light one. And this is a little bit self serving. They said, what's each of your favorite merch item? This is from Gosh, Grossman.

[Damien Haas]

Oh, merch. Do you want to go first, Shane?

[Shane Topp]

Sure. I have a couple. I mean, obviously the youe're my favorite pizza place T shirt, one of the original ones that we threw out this year. It just is. It's just really cool. And it was interesting to see a joke that I'd made get to be something that people liked. It was really fascinating. And then of recently, I do actually think the hoo hoo beanie is just very cool.

[Damien Haas]

The hoo hoo beanie's so cool.

[Shane Topp]

Our last line is, all of it, I think, is legitimately very cool.

[Courtney Miller]

I think, honestly, everything that we've dropped, except for maybe the I helped T shirt, which was my idea, has been like, super litty. I think we've just been kind killing it.

[Damien Haas]

I agree, I agree. I think, like, back in the day of Defy, we didn't really have, like, any say or control as to, like, what the merch was. So it was very like, like, kind of like the IKEA of merch. It was just very like, this is what it is. And it's just like, this is. The creativity stopped here with us being kind of a smaller operation this time. Everyone can be involved and everyone can be, like, put their little artistic touch on it. It's really, really cool.

[Shane Topp]

The merch didn't feel connected to us in any sort of way. Back at Defy, I was like, oh, that's that thing that someone else is selling. Whereas now it's like, oh, yeah, this merch represents us. It didn't before, and now it's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Damien Haas]

And I love the Hoo Hoo beanie. And I also really, really love the sweatsuit jogger set we came out with. Initially, we were just a little backstory. Initially, we were just gonna do the joggers. Cause we loved. We did joggers a couple years ago, and everyone still we. So we wanted to come out with new joggers. And when we saw the sample, I was like, hey, let's do a hoodie too. Because it's very on trend to have, like, a matching hoodie and jogger. And me personally, I love, like, any outfit that matches because it's the. Like, when you're tired in the morning, you just throw it on and it looks put together. So that's, like, definitely one of my favorites too.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, that's something that strangely, the. The merch company that we work with, like, they kind of, like, strangely advised against matching sets. They're like. Yeah, people don't really like to buy, like, they like to buy, like, a varied thing. But I think the matching set totally made sense, and I think we're seeing people are. People are enjoying it.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, it's so fun.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. The hoo Hoo beanie. There's something about it that's just howt I like it.

[Shane Topp]

It's hout.

[Damien Haas]

It's hout.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm a big fan of it. We sold out of them, like, almost immediately.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, I think 10 hours.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, 10 hours.

[Damien Haas]

12 hours. 10 hours.

[Shane Topp]

So we're like them beanies.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. So we're trying to get. We're trying to get some more for the holiday season. We might like the supplier that has that color and that type of beanie. Like, it's. It's. They don't have a lot of them, so we might have to go for a different color for a little bit.

[Damien Haas]

I think that's totally fine, but I.

[Courtney Miller]

Think there's just something about it that's really cool. I think we could come out with more hoo hoo things.

[Damien Haas]

I'm sure Courtney would love that.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. But, yeah, I think it is kind of interesting because, like, the. Wait, this isn't even an advice question. I just realized.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, I know. When you. When you said it, I know we talked about it earlier, but when you said it, I was like, this is not advice.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, this is just. This is just us promoting our merch.

[Damien Haas]

Our advice is to buy our merch.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, that's our advice. Smosh store. Let's get on to some actual advice.

[Shane Topp]

Anyways, let's move on to the actual advice question. How can I subscribe to the channel? And how do I hit that notification bell? And.

[Damien Haas]

No, we're here to give you any kinds of advice. So on Twitter, we asked, like, last week, love, career, life. I said your cold stone creamery. Order whatever you wanted. So that's what we grabbed today.

[Courtney Miller]

Well, actually, I'm gonna skip one real quick and go to one that's. I'm gonna ease us into some real hardcore questions. So let's see. So Delirious Haas Asked, how do you save money? And then they give kind of like a sad face and then a hand. I don't know quite what, but sad.

[Damien Haas]

Face and hand, like they're disappointed.

[Courtney Miller]

They're like, girl, I think so how do you save money?

[Damien Haas]

I'm very bad at saving money. But yeah, it's necessary. I would say first of all, if you are young, if you have a job, start a 401k immediately. Everyone's. Everyone older than me at the time, 10 years ago said it's free money. And to you that just makes no sense at all. But if your job offers a 401k, this is super boring answer. But if your job offers a 401k deal and they, a lot of companies do matching. So if you took like 3% of your salary and you put it away in a 401k, they will match up to a certain point. Some places do that. If you do that, do that, like if they are like, we'll only give 5% then do 5% of yours, then you're getting 10% of your salary every year into savings. And I know in my first job that I got offered 401k, it's still going. And I don't, I haven't worked there for five, six, seven years, but it's still building money and it is free money because I might have started out with like 2,3000 when I left the job and now it's at like 15,000. So the earlier you start or ideally in your early 20s, then you know you'll have all that savings for when you retire.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm kicking myself in the ass right now because we offer 401k here at Smosh and I have not still signed up. I know, it's so stupid. I think even if you don't have a 401k, a lot of these 401ks are very similar, I think, to mutual funds, which is sort of like a. They spread your money out across a lot of different stocks. So it's not like, you know, a lot of people, like they invest, if they want to invest in a stock market, they're going to be like, okay, like I want to invest in like Coca Cola or something, but. But like a mutual fund is basically just like a fund that, that basically spreads your money out into a bunch of stuff. You can tell them like, you know, if you have a financial advisor or somebody like you say like, oh, I want to go to like a medium risk mutual fund. So then they'll put your things into things that might Be a little bit risky. And then some things that are more like a sure bet that won't, you know, low risk means basically low reward. Most likely, higher risk means potential for high reward. But also that company could crash and burn and, and then you can lose your money. But the great thing about mutual funds is it's spread out across a bunch of different companies. So it'll grow money over time, but it won't make you rich tomorrow. But that's not really the goal of a mutual fund. Like, if you look historically at mutual funds, basically the goal is you throw money in there as early as you possibly can in your life and you continue to add to it. And by the time you potentially retire at 60 or something, that money has grown beyond something that you could possibly imagine. It's super important. That's what my dad, who's an accountant, always kind of hammered into me and I started a mutual fund with, you know, with his advice, like when I was very, very young. And it's done well for me so far. And I'm only, I'm only, you know, 30. I'm almost 32. Well, I guess by the time this comes out, I will be 32. So, you know, I still. 60 years till I will probably ever look to really touch it. So.

[Damien Haas]

60, 30, 30. You're gonna be 90 when you touch that retirement.

[Shane Topp]

Yes, well, he's banking on Elon Musk to make that, you know, cyber body that he can hop into.

[Courtney Miller]

I think like the, you know, even, even with the sort of like how a 401k works of like taking a small amount of your, of your earnings and putting it away, like you could just do that on your own.

[Damien Haas]

And I do that as well. I do a Roth ira, which takes money out to the just great thing about the 401k is because your job is involved and hopefully they're matching and that the 401k in particular is probably not a high risk type of savings account. But since you're starting in your early 20s, the interest that it's gonna grow over the next like 40 years is exponential. Especially if you started at 30. That 10 years doesn't seem like a lot because you're not making that much money. You're probably not saving that much. But it does make a big, big difference. Yeah, but what about every day? Like, this is all this super nerdy crap.

[Shane Topp]

Well, this is also for people who are a lot of you listening might be too young or you're making minimum wage, which is you're probably not offered a 401k. You're probably not making enough to start those big savings accounts or whatever and takes time to get to that. Which is unfortunate that that's the situation. But I think for me an on the ground way of really saving money is learning how to cook and cooking your own food. It is astounding how much money we end up spending, going out or ordering food every month. It'll be like sometimes I've checked and I'm like God, it's absurd compared to everything else. And obviously you don't have to stop going out eating or whatever, but it's just like if you can be the majority of the time cooking your own food, you will save so much money.

[Damien Haas]

The importance of a pre game before going to the bar will save you a lot of money.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, or just don't go to a bar.

[Damien Haas]

Don't go to a bar ever.

[Courtney Miller]

But if you do, make sure you tip your bartenders. Don't save that money by not tipping your bartenders in the mix.

[Damien Haas]

It's true. True, true, true.

[Shane Topp]

And then I do think making a budget like.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes.

[Shane Topp]

And just, just holding yourself to that and keeping track of all your money will help you. And if you, you know, even, even when you're not making that much money, if you can just be putting away a small percentage of it, that will add up over time.

[Damien Haas]

And I think also too is like, you know, we're all in the age of like treat yourself and self care and everything like that. I think that's very important to do but also know what's in your means. So if, if you're like self caring and buying clothes every day like I used to when I was younger, your money will go away very, very quickly. And so trying to see when you can treat yourself. But maybe you go to happy hour instead of going to a regular menu price thing and then you're already like you know, dollar oysters versus $3 oysters. You know you can treat yourself on a price with a happy hour menu.

[Courtney Miller]

Sure. And I mean for, for those that are you know, running like a, like a small business kind of thing, like you, you, you have like your little small business whether it's like an Etsy thing and you, you have like an LLC or something like that. Like writing off mileage is insane. Like it's, it's so you like, you don't realize like if, if you can like attribute every like sort of like drive out to get like supplies or whatever. Like say you're a YouTube channel and you know you have an LLC with that, like wherever you're going, anything related to business, you can write off that mileage and that adds up crazy, like crazy amount. I don't remember what the, what the mileage write offs right now. I think it's like 50 cents somewhere. 40, 50, something like that. But yeah, 50 cents a mile, something like that.

[Damien Haas]

I will say just as the last point and then we can go to the next one. When I really had to save money because I was moving from Arizona to la, I did like buckle down for a year and I did get a second and a third job. So I was working like a full time job producing tv and then I was waitressing like three, four nights a week and everything that. And then I also was like auditioning for other side projects too. Any money that I didn't make from my like 9 to 5, I immediately put in the bank. And that was like the easiest way. And I just knew it was a temporary thing. I was like, this is one year, I'm gonna buckle down. Not gonna have that much of a social life. I did also get a discount because I worked at a bar. So it was great. And that's how I was able to move out to la.

[Shane Topp]

I think it also says something that setting goals actually has. It helps because then you can be. If you have a grind, you know it's temporary. You see a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you're not sure of that goal too. I think it's good to even be setting goals. Like if you're like, okay, this is the career I'm heading towards. I'm not sure if that's what I want to do, but it's like until you figure out there's something else that you want to do more, just be working towards that.

[Damien Haas]

Yep.

[Shane Topp]

Just to give you that motivation and to know it's not forever because I'm sure there's plenty of people listening that are in a bind right now.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, I was, I would, I would go to work at 6am, I would stay there till 4 or 5 and then I would go and close a.

[Courtney Miller]

Bar at 1am it's the American dream, working multiple jobs.

[Damien Haas]

And that's what I was doing. And I just dump all that money there because I just needed to make money faster to like get out there.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Yep.

[Shane Topp]

And it's certainly not fair that so many people are in that situation.

[Courtney Miller]

No.

[Shane Topp]

But it's unfortunately the reality that we're in. So for the time being you got to do what you got. Hustle, like for real. Until things change, you gotta, you gotta just push through.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

You know, but also I guess it's like.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, it's all a balancing.

[Courtney Miller]

I mean. Yeah, it's also like know your worth. If you think you're being exploited, like stand up.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, yeah, I wasn't being exploited. I just needed more money.

[Shane Topp]

I think that is the thing too. But don't be afraid of change. Because a lot of people probably think they're in situation and a lot of you might be, but a lot of you probably think you're in a situation where you're like, I can't change. But it's like you, you can. You. You just think like look around and really break down your situation and see if it is possible.

[Courtney Miller]

And obviously like yes, we realize we're saying this from a privileged position, but. But like really like we've all. We've all been able to look back on previous things that we've done and said, oh, like I did have more worth than that. Like when I worked at Chuck E. Cheese and I got. I got a raise after a year of 25 cents. I was like, no, I could have, I could have asked for more.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Like it would cost them more to try to retrain somebody back into. To replacing me.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

So it's. Yeah, just. Just know your worth.

[Shane Topp]

Cuz Chucky was making bank. Bank. Chucky was just the animatronic in the band.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. And they were just throwing money at him there. Yeah, it was like JLo in that movie Hustlers.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay, so I liked that movie for.

[Damien Haas]

The first 15 minutes.

[Shane Topp]

I haven't seen it.

[Damien Haas]

Usher shows up.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, now I gotta see it.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Shane Topp]

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[Courtney Miller]

So BlacklistCandy said. They asked, how does one survive college? So Sarah, you're the only one that went to a real four year college.

[Shane Topp]

I went to a community college in person for a little bit and I.

[Courtney Miller]

Went to a community college in person as well.

[Shane Topp]

You don't live on campus at community college?

[Damien Haas]

I did.

[Shane Topp]

Really?

[Damien Haas]

I had to get the fuck out of my house. Yeah, I was like, I need to.

[Shane Topp]

I didn't know that you could.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, you could. We had like a dorm in. In our.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, interesting. How was that?

[Damien Haas]

It was fun. I became an ra, so I didn't have to pay rent either. So it was pretty fun. I don't think I was that good of an ra, but that's just because I mind my own business. So I wasn't like, let's all do crafts together and decorate our doors.

[Courtney Miller]

Was that back in your. Was that back in your. In your home state in Wyoming?

[Damien Haas]

Yes, Wyoming. So I.

[Shane Topp]

Your dorm mate was a Moose.

[Courtney Miller]

That's interesting because, like, yeah, they didn't have dorms at my community college.

[Shane Topp]

I don't know.

[Courtney Miller]

I didn't know of any community colleges that had.

[Shane Topp]

I didn't think that they did, I.

[Damien Haas]

Think for a reason.

[Courtney Miller]

Because it's a Wyoming thing.

[Damien Haas]

Well, it was a Wyoming thing because Wyoming's really trying to hold on to their people. And so they even had like a scholarship that if you stayed in. In college at any of the colleges, I think there are three, like two community in one state. That might be wrong, but if you stayed, you would get a certain amount of money every semester. So that's also why I stayed.

[Courtney Miller]

They're just paying you to be like, please just stay here.

[Damien Haas]

Exactly. That's exactly it.

[Shane Topp]

So your anthropology teacher was just a tree? Just a pine tree.

[Damien Haas]

It's just like, listen, it was very educational, that tree. But yeah, I think they were trying to get people to stay. So a lot of. Since there are so few community colleges, people who lived seven, eight hours away still lived in Wyoming, but they had to go to school in Cheyenne.

[Shane Topp]

That's fascinating.

[Damien Haas]

Interesting.

[Courtney Miller]

Did they do a lot of foreign exchange?

[Damien Haas]

They did. Yeah, they did. They did do a lot of that. Yeah. So I went to a two year college. I stayed in dorm there and then I went to New York and I went to a four year college and I stayed in a dorm there as well.

[Shane Topp]

You went from Wyoming to New York City?

[Damien Haas]

Yes.

[Courtney Miller]

That's good.

[Damien Haas]

I had my sights set on the city.

[Shane Topp]

Was that crazy?

[Damien Haas]

At first I loved it. I'm a military brat, so.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, so you moved?

[Damien Haas]

I thrive off of change.

[Shane Topp]

Okay, so you moved. You weren't like, you didn't just grow up just in Wyoming?

[Damien Haas]

No, no, no, no. Yeah. So I'm. And I'm very extroverted and everything like that. Which is why this question's great. Because college is a fun time. It's also very intense. But I Think like, how do you, what was it? How do you survive college?

[Courtney Miller]

How does one survive college?

[Damien Haas]

I think honestly my biggest, biggest, biggest piece of advice for surviving college is finding your group. And it's. Luckily with college, it's a lot easier than it is in the real life because you're like, hey, I like tv. Hey, I like theater. Hey, I like sports. Hey, I like drawing. You can find those so easily in college because they have clubs, they have classes, they have whatever. So I think that's the most important thing. And also realize, you know, if you're a freshman going in, everyone else is a freshman and they're kind of fresh there too. And, and so it's like you do kind of have to like, tap into your side of like making friends and reaching out. But some of my closest friends are still from the four year college I went to because we all just, we did a sketch comedy thing together. It was so much fun.

[Shane Topp]

Improv that really says something. Like if you feel that you aren't being accepted by people or that you don't belong, it could be that. And it's obviously, this is just a possibility that you could be seeking approval from a group that you just don't feel like, that you just don't have a lot in common with and maybe you should need to be more improving or the people who are more like you. And yeah, it's interesting, but it's true in college, everybody's there. Like, there is everybody. But also, if, if college and high school are a bad time, it's important to remember that, like, there's so much life after it and it's so different after it.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, yeah, but it is, it is really the, the time that you're most like submerged with other people your age.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

And it is, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a great experience and, and you won't quite get the same chance to sort of like form a community or like form a friendship with somebody because it's, it's a little bit harder in adulthood because it's like, it's very hard, it's very strange. And I haven't quite figured out how to make friends like, outside of like the people that I just know in my sort of like, you know, the YouTube space.

[Damien Haas]

Well. And that's why when I moved out here, I, it was four years ago, I would do meetup.com.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

So meetup.com was like kind of like the college clubs of a time.

[Shane Topp]

You really are such an extrovert. Like, you really are Becoming more of.

[Damien Haas]

An introvert, which is very interesting to me. But yeah, at the time I was like, I have no friends in la. I want friends. I need a social life. I need to create a life out here. And so I literally went to a happy hour.

[Shane Topp]

That's cool.

[Damien Haas]

And that's where I met my best friend out here in la. And I'm so. She was one of the maid of honors at my wedding.

[Shane Topp]

I think the biggest key to making, and this is probably gonna be a question later on, but the biggest key to making friends is being open to making friends and really being interested in the people that you're meeting.

[Damien Haas]

Being interested in other people, even if you don't have anything in common. Yeah, that's the same with dating too. Honestly. Like, ask questions, be genuinely curious about other people. Because what will turn me off from dating someone or even becoming friends with someone is someone who just wants to talk about themselves.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

But if someone's like, genuinely like, hey, how are your cats? I'm like, oh my God, they're good. How are you? Like, I love that.

[Courtney Miller]

And maybe you don't, you don't find something right off the bat that you, that you relate to with that person. But the more questions you ask, then you find like, oh, you like that too. I do too. And you're like. And then before you know it, then you're, you know, you got something.

[Damien Haas]

I think Shane and I are a good example. We don't have a lot in common, but we are friends.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

And we can talk forever.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

You.

[Courtney Miller]

Well, I'm just a man of mystery. Nobody can crack this show.

[Damien Haas]

Are you talking to your therapist about that?

[Shane Topp]

Fools. Nobody can be my friend.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm a great, I'm a great question asker on dates. But I, but I also realize it is like I.

[Damien Haas]

But you don't give enough information. No, you don't.

[Shane Topp]

You have to be vulnerable.

[Courtney Miller]

No, I do. I do though. I do though. But I'm so interested.

[Shane Topp]

Alexa asks me questions sometimes.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm so interested in the person that I'm. That I'm with that I just keep wanting to ask them questions.

[Damien Haas]

They have to be interested in you.

[Courtney Miller]

Ian.

[Shane Topp]

That's actually really true. I ask Alexa a lot of questions and she's not into me at all.

[Courtney Miller]

See, that's a one sided relationship. That's abusive. Shane, you should.

[Shane Topp]

I actually, but I actually, Ian, I do that same thing. Like where I ask so many questions that I realize I'm not, I don't then feel connected because I'm not giving.

[Damien Haas]

No, I mean, I like seeing like when, whenever you bring up cars and stuff. Like, I don't like cars. I hate everything about cars. But if you're genuinely passionate about it, I can get on board, you know, and that's what interests me about a person is like knowing what they're passionate about next.

[Courtney Miller]

I've gotten more comfortable with talking about. With talking about my passions with people. Cause before it was like, it was like I was just, I was just, I was like, nah, people don't want to hear this shit. Like, this is, this is like lame to them. But then it's like, oh, okay. No, like I'll talk about things that actually interest me and then usually they're interested to hear about it.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, you're like a salesman. You find the best way to like kind of pitch the thing you're excited about. Maybe that person's not excited about it.

[Courtney Miller]

And you don't know until you talk about it.

[Damien Haas]

Exactly.

[Courtney Miller]

This advice changed. But surviving college, that I think also, if you don't know instant ramen, if.

[Damien Haas]

You don't know where to start with that group of friends. I remember in college I was a part of. It wasn't party planning, but it was like events planning around the campus. So they do different parties here and there. Maybe it was like for Cinco de Mayo or I put on a male pageant one time just for fun. You can be that. That's a nice way. If that's like a strength of yours to just kind of meet new people.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, not instant ramen. Get an instant pot.

[Damien Haas]

Oh.

[Courtney Miller]

That's how you can survive college.

[Damien Haas]

Allowed in college in dorms.

[Courtney Miller]

Because it's like a pressure cooker.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, I don't think they're allowed. I don't think crock pots were allowed in college.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, interesting. No, that's just a Wyoming thing.

[Courtney Miller]

Just tell everyone it's a rice cooker.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, Instant ramen. And also, don't be afraid to change majors. Oh, yes. Yeah. Onto the actual education part of it.

[Damien Haas]

That's why I got a two year degree. Because I was like, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do exactly. And then I was like, well, the two, the first two years are a wash. You're taking your requirements, you're taking English, you're taking math, you're taking science. It's just very blanket statement. So it doesn't really make a lot of sense to like have a major at that point. I think mine was very general, like communications.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

And. Yeah. And so then when I went to a four year College. They were like, yep, you're good with all those prerequisites. Like, now start studying TV or whatever you want to do.

[Shane Topp]

So now start watching tv.

[Damien Haas]

That's what I did.

[Courtney Miller]

All right, let's move on. Let's move on to this one. We started talking a little bit about relationships somehow, because that's how it always ends up. Because Shane and I are just, you.

[Damien Haas]

Know, everybody's looking for love.

[Courtney Miller]

Very just. Just hopeless. Hopeless romantics.

[Damien Haas]

Are you, Shane? Are you guys romantic? Are you romantic?

[Shane Topp]

I don't know. Maybe.

[Damien Haas]

What's the most romantic thing you've done?

[Shane Topp]

I mean, you saw in my house tour. I got a lot of candles. That's even just for me. That's self romance there. Come on. That's great.

[Damien Haas]

What about Ian? What about you? If you're willing to show.

[Courtney Miller]

I don't know if it's appropriate for me to say okay, but I don't.

[Damien Haas]

Know if I wanna know more.

[Shane Topp]

Okay. Real talk. I actually. I love flowers. And I do love buying flowers for people. So when I'm dating someone, it's really a good excuse for me. Oh, hell yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh. Flowers were tough in my last relations because of all the cats.

[Damien Haas]

And the cats would be flowers. I don't ever want flowers.

[Shane Topp]

It sucks.

[Courtney Miller]

So this. This. Wait, real quick. What's the thing you didn't want to say? What's the most romantic thing you've ever done?

[Shane Topp]

Well, if you don't want to say.

[Courtney Miller]

It, so I'll just say it and we can cut it out.

[Damien Haas]

He was like, I'll hold it in.

[Courtney Miller]

Her hands if it's tmi. Well, I feel like I told you guys because of the spelling. Bikini wax. You know.

[Damien Haas]

Was it a wax?

[Shane Topp]

Is this romantic?

[Courtney Miller]

I got the full. I got the full on.

[Damien Haas]

That's not romantic.

[Courtney Miller]

Got the full on. Bikini wax. Hey, I suffered. I suffered a lot for that. All right.

[Shane Topp]

Is this something she, like, asked for?

[Courtney Miller]

She was. She was interested in it, so.

[Shane Topp]

But this doesn't seem like romance. This doesn't sound like romance.

[Damien Haas]

Oh, my God, Ian.

[Courtney Miller]

All right, let me think of another one.

[Damien Haas]

Did you cook her meal? And then I cooked her.

[Courtney Miller]

I cooked her several times.

[Shane Topp]

Romantic stuff all the time. Sometimes I have sex with. With people, and that is romantic.

[Damien Haas]

Sometimes I show her my nipples and then she likes it.

[Courtney Miller]

Well, jeez, guys, it's not romantic. What do you mean? It's not?

[Damien Haas]

Something like. That's like you're creating an environment of romance and how much you like their relationship.

[Shane Topp]

It's putting thought into making them feel really Cherished. Yeah. Like, you're like, oh, look at all this thought I put into this thing that you care about or something that I know will.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. And if she said that she likes her men like seals, and then I've listened to that, I've taken that into consideration.

[Damien Haas]

That's not romantic.

[Courtney Miller]

And I've done that.

[Shane Topp]

Fuck, boy, Ian, right here. The most romantic thing I've done is sometimes I fuck really good.

[Courtney Miller]

It has nothing to do with fucking good.

[Damien Haas]

Sometimes I kiss her on the mouth while we're fucking. What? Ian, What?

[Shane Topp]

I'm very romantic. Sometimes I get hard.

[Courtney Miller]

It's got nothing.

[Damien Haas]

It's like. What's a romantic thing?

[Courtney Miller]

It's like, we're cutting this out. We're cutting this out.

[Shane Topp]

Let's just move on. We're cutting this out.

[Courtney Miller]

We're cutting this out. Move on. All right.

[Shane Topp]

It's so funny.

[Damien Haas]

It's really good.

[Shane Topp]

Sorry. We're definitely giving you a hard time.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm trying to think of how much I suffered for that shit.

[Shane Topp]

All right.

[Damien Haas]

I did, too. I've done a wax, too. But I wouldn't say it's romantic if showing someone your junk.

[Courtney Miller]

It's got nothing to do with showing the junk. It's the principle. It's the principle of her saying, like, hey, you know, that would be nice.

[Damien Haas]

And then that's like, more like sexual.

[Courtney Miller]

I took it into.

[Damien Haas]

That's more of like a sexual thing. Romance.

[Courtney Miller]

It's the effort that was put into it. She didn't explicitly ask me to do it. And then as a surprise, I did it. I did do some other things during. That was like a Valentine's Day thing. I did some other things, which I forget what they were, but that's. I just remember that because that was.

[Shane Topp]

I wish you would offhand say, like, the most romantic thing. Like, oh.

[Damien Haas]

And then I just, like. I just.

[Shane Topp]

Like, one time I.

[Damien Haas]

A tree house. And then, like, had a romantic.

[Shane Topp]

One time I surprised her by taking to a concert of her favorite artist.

[Damien Haas]

And kissed her in front of her where our first date was.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I did that. I did like a scavenger hunt thing.

[Shane Topp]

That's romantic.

[Damien Haas]

Why did you start with that?

[Courtney Miller]

No. Yeah, no, I did like a scavenger hunt thing. And there was like, little, like, little poems that. Like, things that I like about.

[Shane Topp]

Ian. What the fuck?

[Courtney Miller]

Sorry, I forgot about that.

[Damien Haas]

Now we have to keep some of them.

[Shane Topp]

Now we can make fun of you for the other thing because.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. What did that end with? It ended with some kind of really nice thing. I forget what it was. But it was the. Yeah. All right. Well, anyway, this person, Sarah Jane, asked, how do I trick a man into falling in love with me?

[Damien Haas]

Well, it's very simple. You get four bay leaves and the finger of. No. How do you trick a man to. You can't trick a man into falling in love with you.

[Shane Topp]

Trick someone into falling in love with you. That's the thing.

[Courtney Miller]

They gotta either be interested in you or not. Because if you are not being completely yourself, eventually that facade will break down, and then you will not be the person that they had fallen in love with.

[Damien Haas]

For me, I think, and I always say this a lot to people who are like, what? What you. When you're in a relationship, both sides have to feel compelled to do the next step. So if it's like. If you're in two different spots in your life, and, like, let's say, for example, the guy isn't, you know, committing to you all the way, or he's not being romantic, or he's not taking the next step. Step. He's not feeling compelled to do it. You can never, ever, ever force him to do it. That's why it's like, whenever I hear about relationships, about women being like, when are you proposing? I'm waiting for the proposal. It's like, he doesn't feel compelled to do it. We're sounding really like 90s advice radio, but that's really what it is. And so it's like, you are not.

[Shane Topp]

On the same page.

[Damien Haas]

You're not on the same page, and you're never going to be on the same page, because that's the tricky thing about romantic relationships and trying to find a boyfriend or a husband or a wife or a girlfriend. You guys have to be on the same page. And it's like this. This magical thing that has to be on the same level. And that's the thing is, like, Claudio was the first person, and I had many serious relationships before, but him and I were always on the same page. We were on the same page when we were very casually dating. We were on the same page when we wanted to be exclusive, but not boyfriend and girlfriend on the same page, about moving in together, like, getting cats together. Like, we were. We felt compelled to, like, level up together on each step. And I think a lot of people think, well, one day you'll wake up and you'll realize that I'm your wife. And it just. That's just never gonna work. I don't think.

[Courtney Miller]

I think this is.

[Damien Haas]

In my opinion.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. I think this isn't Even, like, I'm guessing this person isn't even in a relationship with this person. I think they're. There's somebody they're interested in that they want to fall in love with them.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

So then ask them out. Because I asked Claudio out. Cause he wasn't approaching me.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

And that's how we got on the same level.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I think it's. Yeah. I think it comes down to you just gotta make the effort and just put yourself out there as honestly and truthfully as you possibly can. And if they're interested, then great. And if they're not, then they're not interested in you. And then you just move on to somebody else.

[Damien Haas]

And I think in the beginning stages, it's tough, especially as, like, a female. Like, you don't want to be labeled crazy or too emotional or too blah, blah, blah. Or I think you don't want to be labeled as all those different things in the beginning of a relationship, in a new relationship. So, you know, girls always, like, put their best foot forward, and then they, like, switch. You know, the switch. I think it's like. It's a balance. It's just like, if you're gonna meet someone new, that's your friend. You start on a good note. You want to talk about positive things in your life. What you're passionate about, what you're excited about. Then slowly, as you're getting closer, you let them into the real stuff, what you're struggling with and what your fears are and stuff like that.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, I put that out right on the first date.

[Damien Haas]

That's not great. I'm scared of dying alone. How about you? What's your name?

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

Any tricks from the boy's perspective?

[Shane Topp]

I mean, I just think the big thing is. Yeah. You have to put it out there for that person to. To tell you yes or no if they're interested and if they're not really your best. Your best move then is to move on in some sort of capacity, not necessarily to someone else, but just focus on other things, like being so desperate. The reason I think it's unattractive is because. And we've all been there, right? We've all been in that situation. But the reason it's unattractive is because you're someone who's not happy and confident in your own self, doing your own journey. You need someone else. And for anyone else, that's a lot of pressure. And that's also just like, oh, I want someone who's confident, who feels they deserve me. So I think, honestly, like. And if they say no, if they're not interested, use that hurt and that pain that comes from it as motivation to focus on things in your own life. Focus on bettering yourself. Focus on getting the things that you want. Yeah. There's so much to life outside of dating. And I think our culture very much pressures us to believe that you have to be dating, that if you don't find someone, that you're worthless, that you're not, you're wasting your life. It's just not true. There's so much to life.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, I agree. I think it's RuPaul. It's like, if you don't love yourself, then how the hell you think anyone's gonna love you? I think that's very true. Like, even if you don't love yourself. Cause, like, you're not perfect, or there's still parts of you that you want to improve. Bless you, Kevin. I think you can. You still need to like yourself because you're asking for someone to like you. You have to like yourself, and you.

[Shane Topp]

Have to have your own journey. If you're trying to make your journey someone else's. If your journey is entirely focused around someone else, then you don't. You aren't even a person for that person to like. Yep. You have to have your own story, your own character that they can be attracted to.

[Courtney Miller]

There's nothing worse than. We've all seen this with one of our friends at one point in time where the person isn't their own person. And then they get in a relationship and they just become this other thing for this other person. And it's not.

[Damien Haas]

It's not attractive, and it's not good for their relationship. Because I'm reading a book called Mating in Captivity, and it's about, like, how sex is and marriage and relationships and stuff like that. And this one happy married couple, they have kids. They love each other very much. They stopped, like, being intimate with each other. And they were like, why? And it's because the wife gave up her friends, her life, her passions for him. And in order for sex and sexuality to work, you need to have an air of mystery, and you need to have an air of separateness so that you're two people being intimate together.

[Courtney Miller]

That's why I always have sex with a mask on.

[Shane Topp]

That's pretty romantic. A Zorro mask.

[Courtney Miller]

Well, I keep it mixed up so you never know who I'm.

[Shane Topp]

A Chuck E. Cheese mascot helmet.

[Courtney Miller]

Maybe I'm Jigsaw today.

[Damien Haas]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Topp]

I'm sorry.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm sorry. That's That's. That's really interesting. And I fucked up here.

[Shane Topp]

No, it's. It actually is. It's really true. But I also just think it's like, yeah, you have to be. You can only be attracted in another person, but if that person's entire identity is you, then they don't feel like another person.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. There's no mystery. There's no magic.

[Shane Topp]

And then it's like, great.

[Damien Haas]

Cool.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

You're just my shadow. You know what I mean?

[Shane Topp]

It's also an element of, like, you have to also be both challenging each other and inspiring each other and pushing each other forward. And if you become all about seeking that person's approval, then you're not challenging them, you're not pushing them at all, and it's just not gonna be exciting.

[Damien Haas]

In the book, the therapist told the wife to move out of the house. So she moved out of the house. And they were on, like, a separation. But they weren't separated. They're still together. She moved out of the house. She started her, like, degree, her higher education degree. She started reconnecting with friends, and then, like, six months later, they moved back in together. And it was great.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, it makes sense.

[Shane Topp]

I think people are at them. I believe people are at their most attractive when they're very focused on something. Like, I think, like, I love when I see people really honed in on a craft or something they're passionate about. I'm like, that's when people are at their most attractive. So if you're in a phase where you feel rejected or not worth something, focus on something that you're really passionate about and push yourself to get better at that thing.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. Or find it.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, find that thing. Because you're talking about. Yeah, she started a degree. She started her own journey again. That made her so much more attractive.

[Damien Haas]

It made her an individual, and she's more fulfilled, too. It's not just how she was attracted.

[Courtney Miller]

Sorry.

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[Courtney Miller]

So let's say that, you know that relationship didn't work out. And then you're single. And Tommy Mouse asked, how do you know when you're ready to start dating again?

[Shane Topp]

I think that's entirely up to you. Up until it was like a year and a half ago, I was very much. I was in a relationship and then I was single and I was. I had this massive pressure on myself to date. And it was very, very negative and inwardly toxic because if I wasn't, I viewed my worth based on just dating and just relationships. And I had a therapist and I was. I was like, yeah, you know, my fear is like, as I'm getting older and stuff, if I'm not dating, if it's. I don't find that person, whatever, if it doesn't work out, I'm going to be alone forever. And my therapist was like, what's wrong with that? And I was just like, huh? And I think that was huge. And I don't know, I think I'm still in that phase. And I realize there's so much I don't feel good enough about myself with how I am as a friend and building my friendships and my foundation that I still want to work on that I'm still figuring out so much that I'm just like. It's more of just like, oh, it's for me right now, it's just like, ah, like, it's not a big deal is more the phase I'm in. And also it's just for me. And this is just. This changed to being about me, but it's so busy. Like, our schedule is nuts. Like a person, I think it was Finnerty was like, so are you dating anyone? I'm like, no. And he's just like, oh, like, why? And I'm just like. And then. Then we broke down our schedule for the next couple of months. I'm like, that's why I'm not dating anyone, is because when the weekend comes, I lay down and I sleep. But I just think, don't put that pressure on yourself is my big thought. Like, focus on being a friend to people. Focus on your interest in other people. And maybe it's not about, oh, I'm ready to date. Maybe just you'll meet someone. Like, maybe it'll be as simple as that, you know? But putting that pressure on yourself is a surefire way to never find anything.

[Damien Haas]

But I do think if they're asking that question, they are interested in going out. So it's like, I think like, whatever, if they just went through a heartbreak or something like that Give yourself time to process that in a healthy way. But then, you know, luckily there are dating apps, so you can go out there and just go on and be honest. I'm just here to meet people. Like, you don't have to like go and hook up with everyone, but you know, it, it takes, especially if it's a long term relationship, it takes some time to learn how to date again. And so I think like you can go on a date and just be casual about it. Like go to happy hour and just talk with someone and see if that's something you're interested in. But you don't have to pressure yourself again.

[Shane Topp]

I think that makes me think of something though, is also like when you're dating, there's a lot of talk about like how you're supposed to date and what you should do on a first date and whatever. I think it's important to know, like, you get to set your own rules for what you're comfortable with on a date. And if someone disagrees with that, then great. You, you know that that's not a person you're gonna date more. You don't have to rush things you don't like. You don't have to feel rushed. Know that it's like, hey, I'm gonna go meet a new person.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. They shouldn't have any expectations of anything extra. So.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I mean the really, the only rules, the only rules that I kind of abide to on dates is just not drinking too much. Like, that's, that's really, that's a safety.

[Damien Haas]

Thing in a nature.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's.

[Courtney Miller]

And it's just like, and plus like if I drink, if I drink too much, I don't remember everything.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

And it's like also you're just not completely yourself. Like, I would just prefer to have all my mental faculties. So I, I don't usually exceed like two drinks if I'm on a date.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, that's smart.

[Damien Haas]

That's smart.

[Courtney Miller]

All the other sort of like rules.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, I think like, oh, for every year you were dating a person, take a week off. Like, you don't have to.

[Courtney Miller]

There's some instincts.

[Shane Topp]

If you're talking about rules, then you're playing games.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

And then, then you're playing yourself.

[Courtney Miller]

Because I think, I think after, after my, after my last breakup, I pro thumbnail. Shane's just giving the piece.

[Shane Topp]

You played yourself.

[Damien Haas]

Don't play yourself.

[Courtney Miller]

I think after, I think after my last breakup, I think I didn't go on a date for probably eight months. Something like that. Yeah, it was. It was a while.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

And I didn't. I don't know, it was like, yeah, I just didn't feel like, the drive to, like, oh, I need to be in another relationship at this moment. And then I. And then, you know, I started. I went on a couple dates and then I kind of, like, exclusively dated someone for like a month and a half, and I was like, oh, I'm not really feeling this. And it was like, it was perfectly fine, but I was like, yeah, I don't know, I could just kind of see, like, I was like. The crazy thing was I was like, yeah, I could probably be with that person for, like, a couple years and then. And then it wouldn't work out.

[Damien Haas]

That's not a good. That's not a good thing.

[Courtney Miller]

I know.

[Damien Haas]

It's very.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, this could be mediocre for a while into that.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm a very, like, go with the flow kind of guy.

[Damien Haas]

So it's like.

[Courtney Miller]

And, yeah, I just really enjoy people. I think I've just become more and more of an extrovert. I've gone the opposite of you. Like, I feel like I was more of an introvert and now I'm being, like, becoming more of an extrovert where I like being in the company of people and doing things with people and having experiences with people. But at the same point I realized that. So I'm also trying to become more comfortable with just being. Being myself and being alone with myself and stuff. So it's been an interesting couple months. I feel like I'm ready to start dating again. I've been dating, I've been going on dates, but it's like, yeah, I go on a date, I put zero pressure on it. I'm just there to find out about the person. Be like, oh, like, for me.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, for me, when I was, like, online dating, I'd go on quite a bit of dates. I used. Used to talk about that a lot. I'd go on a lot of online dates, but for me it was because it was my extrovertedness. I just wanted to, like, find out. It was an interesting opportunity to find out about people I would never run into in real life. So I was just interested. I had never really talked to, like, a lawyer as a friend or, like, you know, some random other jobs. But it's like, I think especially in la, we only know industry people. We only know people that are in the digital space. And so it was, for me, it was fun to meet people outside of that bubble.

[Courtney Miller]

And that's the cool thing about dating in a big city is there's just so many people from so many different backgrounds and it's, and it's exciting and it's good to get outside of that bubble of the sort of people you would normally just interact with. So when you, how do you know when you're ready to start dating again?

[Damien Haas]

You do you girl?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I think you're totally right. SHANE Like a lot of people are, do feel that pressure that you know, they're, their worth is less when they're single, right? And obviously like we give you a lot of shit for being single and like we give you a lot of shit for not going on dates. But that's also cause we just know how fucking cute you are and how you're like, how you're just such a catch. You're just such a catch.

[Shane Topp]

SHANE well, and also dating is also one last thing just cause like you both talk extroversion is of course gonna come up in this because America is a very extroverted culture and dating is a very extroverted favoring process, especially with things the advice of like confidence and like look him in the eyes and like, you know all this stuff and it's just like if you are an introvert and you're shy, it's gonna be so much harder. But just don't hate yourself for that. I still, and I won't even feel nervous, but my body just reacts in such an unfortunate way to dates and pressure because I so hyper critical of myself and I know on a date I'm like, oh, I'm being judged, like that's, I can't help that I will be shaking and I will have a hard time speaking sometimes. And I think I am sometimes afraid of dating because even if I'm like, oh, this is gonna be fun, I know logically all the nice things. I also know, oh, I'm about to, my body's about to go through this awful thing.

[Damien Haas]

Do you get that nervous with auditions?

[Shane Topp]

No.

[Courtney Miller]

What's weird?

[Shane Topp]

You know, you know, you wanna, you wanna hear the, no, you wanna hear the weirdest thing about me personally. I am at my least nervous and most comfortable with myself on camera. Off camera, I am so much less confident myself, so much more nervous in every interaction, less sure about everything I say when I'm on camera doing try not to laugh or any or anything sketch even that is when I'm fully comfortable with my body, with what I think, with everything I'm saying.

[Damien Haas]

Well, you just need to pretend that your date's for a video.

[Shane Topp]

Honestly, if I had a date on a video, it'd be. But the problem is also that's a different. It's a different version of me too. Like, it's performance is what I feel comfortable doing because I don't know then I just don't feel. I don't think.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, I don't think you have to worry about being judged. I think if you maybe if you put it on the other person, like I said, you're learn you're going to meet another person to pick the other person's brain, then that'll take the pressure off of you.

[Courtney Miller]

I had that same feeling like when I. When I first started going on these. On these dates with people that I had no clue who the heck they were. And I found I was a lot less nervous when I was just like, I'm just going to lose myself and them, like, just focus on them, not focus about myself.

[Damien Haas]

I'm snapping to what you're saying.

[Shane Topp]

But then you don't talk about yourself at all.

[Courtney Miller]

No, I do. I do. Because it's like. Cause then I ask them a question, they say something about themselves and I'm like, oh my gosh. Here's my opinion on that.

[Damien Haas]

Yep.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh my God.

[Shane Topp]

Oh my God. My opinion's. That's dumb. What you're saying is dumb.

[Damien Haas]

You can say, I don't agree. I don't agree.

[Courtney Miller]

The only thing I will say is like a lot of times because I'm asking a lot of questions and I find something to relate on. I somehow, like, we somehow end up talking about like some bullshit about like China or something for like 30 minutes.

[Shane Topp]

That's how it goes.

[Courtney Miller]

And. But it's like, yeah, the best conversations.

[Shane Topp]

Are the ones that go wherever the.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I mean like my. Yeah, my last date, she was like. She's like, I'm. I'm glad this is not just like surface level conversation.

[Damien Haas]

Do you have any brothers and sisters? Where did you grow up? Like, yeah, that stuff is, is. It gets boring after that.

[Courtney Miller]

I wasn't going down. Yeah, I don't ever go down, like a checklist of like, find out about them.

[Shane Topp]

That's your spirit animal.

[Courtney Miller]

But it's like, can we just have a conversation? That's the most important. That's the most important thing for me. Well, this is a little similar, but it's not about dating perfectly smosh asked. How do I get over my fear of approaching people and making a friend Standpoint.

[Shane Topp]

That's actually. So I realized at a certain age that I Had as a teenager and everything I had and pop culture had made me focus so much on like, oh, getting a girlfriend, that I realized as an adult that I was like, I. I am not equipped to make friends that well.

[Damien Haas]

Like, that's the thing. I feel like I am. I could go approach a guy to ask on a date to be. To go up to someone and try to be friends with them. It just gives me a next level of anxiety.

[Shane Topp]

Making friends is. Is really what's funny is it's actually easier than you'd think, but it's just not something we ever talk about. There's no articles on how to make friends necessarily. Like, that's all geared on how to get a boyfriend, how to get a girlfriend. And yet making friends, in my opinion, especially, like early on in life, I think it's more crucial to happiness because friends can be a more permanent thing in your life.

[Damien Haas]

I agree.

[Shane Topp]

And also, just being able to really connect with people on a regular basis is just so huge because you might go in and out of relationships your whole life, but the ability to constantly be connecting with people is going to always be crucial.

[Damien Haas]

I think you can use kind of the same theory I mentioned earlier with like, meetups. I don't know if they're still cool in 2019, but kind of like that same kind of theory. If you're into video games and playing video games, then going to Boomer.

[Shane Topp]

No, but if you're into video games.

[Damien Haas]

And the games, go to the barcade. Like, go to a barcade and maybe you'll meet some more people. Yeah, go to a Forever 21. Like go shopping. I don't know.

[Shane Topp]

Well, like, I mean, for all the. The majority of our office is introverts, and a lot of them go and do like Dungeons and Dragons. They go do LARPing and stuff. Like, you find your crew and you find the things that you all want to do, and you don't judge each other for it. You go and do it.

[Damien Haas]

But how do you strike up a conversation if we're just two people? I'm like, hey, I want Shane Top to be my friend.

[Shane Topp]

I think that's making friends with strangers might be weird. I think it's being in general having a mindset of being open to anyone you meet, being like, hey, this person could be my friend. If you're immediately guarded and thinking, oh no, then you're not gonna make friends cause you don't want to.

[Damien Haas]

I think it's all about a vibe check, honestly. Like, Claudia and I went to Ali Wong, like, A month ago, and we went to a bartender and we ordered drinks from him, and the guy was, like, instantly cool. And he was like, around our age and everything like that. And we were just chatting with him, and by the end, I was like, can we get your number? Like, you're really cool. And he gave us his number and, like, his handle and, like, him and Claudio text, and we're like, hey, we're about to move. Like, do you want to hang out sometime? And he's like, oh, yeah, for sure. So I think it's like that initial vibe check is also very important and just being open and nice so that you can vibe check.

[Shane Topp]

I think it's also, as a very introverted person who instinctively would always rather spend time alone. It is about sometimes combating that and prioritizing social events and realizing that you do actually, on certain levels, want that and want to go out and stuff. Because every weekend, like, because we always work, you know, we have crazy work weeks. And every weekend I'm like, I just want to, like, sit at home and watch TV or play video games. But there's always. There's always a social situation or if there's not, I know that there's one that I could make. And I'm like, I should do that. I will feel better if I prioritize that. And, you know, and it's. We go back to being interested in other people.

[Damien Haas]

I think it also helps to squat up because it's like whenever we are in a group, like as smosh, and we're at parties and stuff, like, people want to be a part. People are always like, who are you guys? Or like, you know, we'll go to karaoke together. And people like, you guys are fun. What are you, an acting troupe or something like that. So it's like, I think it's always like, power and numbers. And then, like, if you guys are having fun, people will want to join in.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

And you can see someone wanting to join in, be like, come on, come over, grab a drink or whatever.

[Courtney Miller]

I think it's incredibly important to find friends. I think, strangely, like, men having male friends is also something that's a close friend is something that people don't, I think, realize how much of a problem it is that a lot of men don't have. I just looked it up. This study that was done, I think, in the UK says YouGov survey for Movember asked men to say how many friends, if any, outside they would discuss a serious topic, such as worries about money, work, health. With said just over half said 2 or fewer, but 1 in 8 overall said none.

[Shane Topp]

Wow. Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

So said that equates to around 2.5 million men across the UK.

[Shane Topp]

And I think that's a lot of men just literally don't have that friend that they feel that close to men, male or female.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. That just plays into, like, the kind of the talk. Toxic masculinity of, like, being unafraid, being afraid to be vulnerable. Yeah. But I think, like, you know, you should be able to. To break down those barriers if you do have a close friend, a guy friend, as a guy, to be like, hey, can I. I think I saw a tweet going viral, like, a couple days ago, and it was like someone had texted their friend was like, hey, I just really need to rant right now, so let me know if you have, like, the emotional capability to, like, let me rant with you. Which was very nice. And I think that's a great gateway type of thing to open up those kinds of conversations.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. I feel like there's a lot of stigma around a guy being able to be vulnerable with a guy friend. There is.

[Damien Haas]

Would you drop.

[Shane Topp]

I just kicked a water bottle over there is. And anyone who promotes that criticism of it is clearly just very uncomfortable with themselves.

[Damien Haas]

It's a learning process, too. Cause I've had a lot of male friends that are afraid to share their feelings, but it's really about creating that safe space and being like, tell me what's going on. Just tell me.

[Courtney Miller]

I mean, it's incredibly important to have somebody to confide in. Especially if you're not in a relationship, you should absolutely know that there's somebody that wants to hear you out.

[Shane Topp]

I do think it's so cliche, but I do really think the key thing is to really. It can be a struggle sometimes. Cause I have to. I'm someone that, if I'm, like, alone in my apartment, I can kind of forget about the world. Like, I'll just be so honed in on a thing I'm anxious about or whatever, that I completely forget about the entire network of people I love. And I think it's important to constantly, every day, if you have to write it down, like, what do you love about the people in your life? What is so great about them? What can you do to maybe brighten someone else's day? If you do that, if you work on that once a week or something, you're giving love, and that's the best way to guarantee you're gonna get something back. And it's the Beatles Thing. The love at the end of your life or something. The love you make is equal to the love you. The love you take is equal to the love you make. Something like that. And it's just so true. Like, you really. It's the best way to guarantee if you're desiring friends, if you're desiring people to love you and you're not really cherishing the people around you, it's just not gonna happen.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

Put it out in the universe. It'll come back.

[Courtney Miller]

Definitely. I keep trying to find one that's like, a little bit, like, happier before I get to a really dark one. Well, let's.

[Shane Topp]

How to kill a man.

[Damien Haas]

Do you guys have any advice that you need?

[Shane Topp]

You need how to kill a man.

[Damien Haas]

I'm trying to think if I.

[Courtney Miller]

Well, this person said this one's real quick. This one will just probably just need a one word response at Squishy Damien there.

[Shane Topp]

We had a conversation. We had a conversation beforehand that I was saying Damian handles on Twitter are the most insane. They are always there. They're always just. They're just the weirdest ones.

[Damien Haas]

Squishy makes me look at him differently. Each time I hear a new hand.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, I wonder if Damian would like that.

[Damien Haas]

I think he would.

[Shane Topp]

Squishy Damien.

[Courtney Miller]

Squishy Damien said, my long term boyfriend broke up with me over the phone, and I still love him dearly, but I doubt he spares a thought for me. Fuck. He was my best friend. Should I message him as a friend? I miss him so much. And I think we can all just say, 1, 2, 3.

[Shane Topp]

No.

[Damien Haas]

Cherish that memory, the memories you had together. Cherish the relationship, and then close that chapter in your book. He didn't feel compelled, so you need to walk away.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Phone breakup's rough, man, but that's really tough.

[Damien Haas]

I broke up with my last serious boyfriend. Well, he broke up with me. It was mutual. It was kind of mutual over the phone before Claudio. And it was rough because he was my best friend and it was a very long relationship and I care for him deeply still. And. Yeah, it's just I look back at my time with him very fondly, and it does make me sad a little bit to say that that ended the way it did. But that's life, and I am better for it because I was able to close that chapter. And now I have a new chapter.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

And I mean, even if you guys were, you know, he was your best friend, I mean, not everyone can. Can continue being friends with their exes. And most the time they can't, so.

[Damien Haas]

And there's a billion other people in the world. You can get a new best friend, you can get a new boyfriend. You can get new friends. Yeah, it's. It's possible.

[Courtney Miller]

So I think, I think that's just a big old heckin no. Unless. Unless, you know, later down the road he wants to reach out as a friend and you're okay with that. But you know, be careful. Be real careful.

[Damien Haas]

You know, if you ever do feel compelled to text or message, then do something that Shane said. Try to focus on yourself. Find a new hobby. Hone a craft. Do something like that.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, yeah, but that sounds. That, that sounds ugly. That. It takes a lot. It takes a lot of balls to write that though.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Because I mean, I mean a lot of us have been there, so I think that's. That. That takes a lot of courage to write that. So best of luck with that. Dang, man.

[Shane Topp]

It hurts. It hurts.

[Damien Haas]

Squishy Damien. Squishy Damien.

[Shane Topp]

Poor Squishy Damien.

[Courtney Miller]

I can't imagine dating somebody that would have like a Stan name of somebody else. Like, like, if I, if I found out that like the person I was dating had like a handle of like, it's impossible to find that Ryan Philippe Massive dung or something.

[Shane Topp]

Our next question comes from softsuppledamion.

[Damien Haas]

Is it just Damien under all of these?

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, Damian just has a bunch and he's just like, hey, I'm trying to figure this out.

[Damien Haas]

This has been a very intense podcast, but I think I would just say totally biasedly that this is great advice we're giving.

[Shane Topp]

I think I feel confident about the advice we're giving.

[Courtney Miller]

I think it's pretty good. How to have fun anytime, anywhere. Step one, go to chumbacasino.com.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Courtney Miller]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Courtney Miller]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

That's a lot of games all for free.

[Courtney Miller]

Step four, unleash your excitement.

[Damien Haas]

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[Shane Topp]

So claim your free welcome bonus now and live the chumba life.

[Damien Haas]

Visit chumbacasino.com no purchase necessary vgw group.

[Shane Topp]

Void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[Courtney Miller]

I'll step away from relationships for one second. This one. It's not a Damian tag.

[Shane Topp]

Oh shit.

[Courtney Miller]

It's kyxgray asked. I keep wanting to give up on my art. Any advice on how to stop thinking everything I make is horrible? Well, this you've just about explained almost every artist that has ever existed. It's a very common thing called imposter syndrome where no matter how good your stuff is, you. You feel like everything you do, you haven't earned it and that whatever you're doing is bad. A lot of people feel this way. What do you guys, how do you guys feel about it?

[Damien Haas]

I feel the exact same way. And looking back at when I was younger, I was so focused on cause was it Ira Glass? He has this great video, the sound clip clip about how when you're a creative person, you have a level of taste. So you have very good taste. When you're a creative person, however, your level of talent very rarely matches up to your level of taste. And so you constantly have this feeling in your gut that nothing you ever do is good enough, but switch it on its other side. Your taste is what makes you special and that's what makes you a creative. So it's. You gotta self doubt is just a part of life. And especially if you're a creative, you gotta kinda balance it out. So obviously I wish I had told my younger self, not everything you make has to be perfect. Just put it out there. Because by just putting it out there, you're able to look at it and be like, what can I improve for the next time?

[Courtney Miller]

Also, art is a craft and you're not going to be the next, you know, Da Vinci. I mean, go to anyone's deviantart or something and then just scroll back to their old stuff. Like anybody that you thought was good had to start somewhere. And as you go, you'll pick up new techniques. Hey, you might even change your whole style. Exactly. You might be like, I'm not good with watercolor. And you find that you're great with charcoal or something like that.

[Shane Topp]

You also don't get to see the first drafts of things that you are seeing out in public. You are seeing the refined finished version of whatever and most things are and end up being collaborative efforts. So it's not like, you know, most authors have an editor who helps them with all their stuff. Like they get every movie is made by a million people. You know, you can't go, oh, I'm not doing this perfectly on my own. It's like, well, not many people do. And that's such a good point about taste. I hadn't thought about that. About how like, you know, I want to write stuff, I want to make things. But I also love like watching or reading the things that are getting the best reviews. So I'm seeing what is critically the best thing right now and going, oh, I'm not making that. It's like, yeah, one person out of.

[Damien Haas]

You did that for the longest time.

[Shane Topp]

Billions of people happened to strike gold in a way, because how many people make that incredible thing and then their next thing isn't. You know, there's a luck element, but. But I think the biggest thing is focusing on the fact that you do it because you enjoy it and finding that joy and meditative fun in it.

[Damien Haas]

I think also too, along the same lines of, like, changing your art medium. Maybe it's something that you're not good at and you can just kind of like, when I said I quit acting and quit hosting and stuff like that, I realized, yeah, I really enjoyed it. But also, I got so frustrated that I was like, my talent wasn't where I wanted it to be, that I actually wasn't having fun anymore. So I stepped away and found passions in something else.

[Shane Topp]

I think a similar advice chain to what we said earlier is like, you don't have to fall in love with someone you're be dating. You also don't have to be the most successful or, like, kill it in the thing that you're passionate about. You don't have to make a name for yourself in any sort of way, because honestly, that doesn't bring happiness. Like, that's an endless cycle. Because, you know, with acting, for me, like, coming out here, I. Nothing. And I was like, oh, man, if I can just get this job, then I'll feel better. And it's an endless climb. And I find myself feeling the exact same way now as I did when I first started with nothing on my resume.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, also another good quote about art. Good artist copy. Great artists steal. So, no, it's like, it's real, though. Like, I mean, nobody starts off amazing. And it's great to learn from other artists, from other artists. Whether you're in film or you do ceramics or you're doing watercolor. Like, you can learn from people that have been in that business longer than you learn their techniques. You know, don't copy them. Don't copy exactly what they're doing, but copy their techniques. Figure out how to improve your craft based off of them. It's what. It's what the filmmaking business has. Has completely built itself on. Yeah, it's. It's why you go back. Or it's like, why I go back and watch the Godfather. I'm like, jesus Christ, this is boring. And that's because everyone's taken all the great things of the Godfather and they've made better movies out of it, in my opinion, so. Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Like Chappie.

[Courtney Miller]

Exactly. Chappie.

[Shane Topp]

I don't know. The most random movie, but I'd say just.

[Courtney Miller]

Just keep at it. Believe in yourself. Like, it. You know, it's.

[Damien Haas]

Find the enjoyment in it. Like, find what you enjoy out of it. And, like, really, like, simmer that down to what you want out of it.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. And, like, be okay with knowing that it. Accept that it might be crap.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

And that doesn't matter. That it's okay.

[Courtney Miller]

Smosh squad asked. I'm about to move 18 hours away from my family for a job opportunity after 22 years of being super close to my family here. How do you deal with living away from family? And do you have any tips on how to be less homesick?

[Shane Topp]

That's tough.

[Damien Haas]

I have a lot, because that pretty much describes me in a nutshell. I think I've moved 15 or 16 times in my entire life, and the last eight have been away from my family. And I was very close. I am very close with my family. It's tough. Same with Claudio. His family's in Italy. So I think keeping in touch with your family as much as possible is important. Luckily, like, Facebook messenger and facetime and all this stuff, like, that's how I kind of keep up with my family daily. But most importantly, because you are moving for the job, and that's kind of like all you have in your new town. You have to create a life for yourself. This is your opportunity in a new city, in a new place, in a new job to really decide what you want out of life and what you want to do. And so you can't just go to your job and come back home. You just can't do that. You gotta create a life for yourself. There's. So how did I usually do that? Same theory as the college stuff. I joined an improv group. I would go meet people out. And so once you have friends and a community there in your new city, you will be like, oh, yeah, you'll feel more fulfilled, and it'll feel more like your new home. And then, obviously, keeping in touch with your family and visiting them once or twice a year is usually what I do. But for me, that's the biggest piece of advice is I've seen so many people, so many of my friends move to a new spot, and they just go to work, and they just go home, and then they feel awful and depressed all the time because they don't have a life. So you gotta create a life for yourself out there.

[Shane Topp]

It's also. It's so easy to keep in touch with people now. Like, there's rarely a day where I'm not texting some family member.

[Courtney Miller]

So I think that's really big though, creating. Creating your own life where you have to be. Cause yeah, I knew somebody that was from Sacramento. They came up down here for a really great job, paid really well, but he did nothing but work and he didn't really form a community down here. And he burnt out after a year and went back home.

[Damien Haas]

Exactly. You get lonely.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Shy Greenbean asked, do you have any fashion tips for someone who's not too confident with themselves?

[Damien Haas]

Ooh. Oh, you're looking at me.

[Shane Topp]

Well, I feel like you and I are gonna have different fashion advice.

[Damien Haas]

Cause I feel like loud colors. Go to the store, all the loud colors, put them on your body and then say yes.

[Shane Topp]

Say yes.

[Courtney Miller]

I think so much of it comes. I think so much of it just comes to. Comes down to confidence.

[Damien Haas]

It does.

[Courtney Miller]

Like, I am a big fan of Japan. And then while I was there, I was like, oh, this silly Japan bomber jacket. It represents me because I'm a big fan of all things Japan. And now it's a piece that I can always remember my time there. And it's a conversation piece. Cause people are like, well, where'd you get that? I was like, japan. And then they're like, oh, tell me about Japan. I'm like, I'll tell you about Japan. So it's like, you know, things that like sometimes you can have like a conversation piece kind of thing, Something that you're excited about. If you like amanase, then you can get m and a shirt, you know, like, you know what I mean?

[Damien Haas]

I think don't go with the trends because for me, I'm self conscious about my body and I don't always feel like I'm like, you know, rocking the full tight 10 body that I need to be or that I want to be. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not gonna be following the trends just cause they're trendy and a lot. And I remember in high school, like what used to be really cool is like the low rise American eagle and like tight shirt and Birkenstocks and like I wore that stuff and I hated it. Cause it just didn't fit my body at all. And luckily now, like, I'm so jealous of people in high school now. Cause everything's cool. Like even loungewear is cool.

[Shane Topp]

Like the style is really dope right now.

[Damien Haas]

So find what makes you feel comfortable. Comfortable. If you don't I don't like tight stuff around my stomach. If we're gonna get really, like, minute, I don't like tight things around my stomach. So I just wear loose, loose shirts, loose hoodies, loose dresses. Like, that's what I find. And for me, my style is very ambiguous in a way of, like, some days I'll look like a business bitch, and then some days I look like I just rolled out of bed, like, today, so. But a full face of glam. So I think it's finding what you like, like, on your body first, what clothes you like on your body and then what colors, like, honestly bring you joy. Like, really? Marie Kondo it. Like, I love rainbows. I love bright clothes. Sometimes I like tie dye, sometimes I like black. So finding those things, once you find the fit you like, then finding the outfit you like.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. I mean, obviously it comes down to whatever you feel confident in. That's the most important thing. For me, a big thing was a couple years ago. I, like, did a lot of research on it because I didn't know much about fashion or style or anything. And I was just like, what's the deal with it? And I learned a lot about just, like, the basic foundations of men's fashion. And it was really interesting to me. And having a lot of those foundation pieces really helped then for me to bring out the crazy things I wanted to do. And it came down to just, oh, a really good pair of blue jeans, some, like, basic classic sneakers, some white T shirts, like, and then I could go crazy from there. But I do think it's actually fun. I think fashion there, you know, there's ridiculous sides to fashion, but there's also a lot of cool, innate things to it.

[Courtney Miller]

I will say, like, if you're, you know, on a tight budget, like, basics are so important because if you get. If you get some sort of. If you spend a bunch of money on some crazy, like, design thing, that really stands out, and then you're like, shit, now I only have that. And it's gonna be so obvious when I wear it every single week. So basics are really great because nobody really pays attention to how often you might be wearing a black shirt.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Or something like that.

[Shane Topp]

I think basics are so cool.

[Damien Haas]

That's a problem with my outfits is, like, they're all so ridiculous that I actually don't have, like, plain black pants to, like, go with my things. But I think, like, you know, quality. Getting those quality staple pieces, as boring as that sounds, is really important. And, like, luckily, there's, like, tj Maxx and Marshalls that have really good name brand quality stuff for like, hella cheap.

[Shane Topp]

You can. You can get some dope clothing for cheap thrifting is the way.

[Courtney Miller]

I love me some Uniqlo.

[Damien Haas]

Uniqlo is great too.

[Courtney Miller]

That's pretty. That's pretty available in the US Now. They're kind of all over.

[Damien Haas]

And you guys, people have online shopping. I mean, I know sizing an issue, but I was just talking about a couple weeks ago, prom. When I went to prom, the Internet really wasn't like popping like it is now. And I just had to go to the one store in the mall and get like a dress out of like the 30 that were on the rack.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, yeah, no bueno. Coming up, we got two more. This one, this is the one that I've been. That I've been kind of holding on because. So, okay, at shout 23, at. How do I comfort someone who's suffered a loss?

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, that is heavy.

[Courtney Miller]

That's always really tough for me because when, you know, when somebody loses someone, you're always like, the common reaction is say, like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for your loss. But it's like, can't really. You can't do anything that would obviously bring that person back. But I think the most important part, in my opinion is just to. Just to say, like, hey, if you need to ever talk to me ever, like, here's my number. Call me anytime. Like, I think the most important thing is just to be there for them.

[Shane Topp]

Letting them know that you're there for them.

[Damien Haas]

I think you can let them know. But I think also it's important to, like, gauge the friendship, because if that was coming from someone that I'm not particularly close with, I'm like, oh, thank you very much. But like, I think also in times of trying to help someone when they're not feeling well is like, making that an available option for them. But I think also, like, being able to support them without necessarily nailing that thing on the. On the nose. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Like, I know someone that just went through a loss recently and they were kind of like, hey, you know, we're saying this, but, like, you don't have to always say you're gonna be there for me. You don't always have to text. You don't have to. Because we just kind of want to, like, move on. You know what I mean? So I think it's like, I think it's important to be supportive, but also, like, when you can, like, real. I know it's touchy. Like, really reading that person.

[Shane Topp]

Well, I think it's about letting them know that, but then kind of backing off. Cause I think some people can be very, like, forceful about, like, hey, you doing it. Like, and then some. Cause some people react differently where they're like, I don't wanna talk about this at all. And if that's their wish, then you have to.

[Courtney Miller]

It's tough, I think. I totally agree with that. Just read the room. If you're really close to this person. Just, I think. Cause everyone deals with loss a little differently, and I think it's important just to have that sort of reach out. Be like, hey, I don't wanna be the 500th person to send you a text. Be like, oh, I'm sorry this happened to you. Because that's also like, a little bit of a dagger.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

But I think also, like, don't be afraid. You know? You know that person. But it's like, hey, you're going through something. You want to go like, let's go get pho.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

Do you want some ice cream? Like, trying to, you know, help them go through something in. In their way. Let them know that you're there for them, but then maybe also being a light and sharing that love.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. Continue being the friend that you are to them, you know, Like.

[Damien Haas]

And I think it's important, too, to. Because I was just talking to Claudio about this. Like, you learn a lot about a person on how they react to someone grieving. So, like, if, Ian, you were grieving. How I react, you're gonna learn a lot about me, how I react to your grieving. And so I think it's like, you'll. You'll really see if you're the person grieving. You'll really see who your friends are. You'll really see who the people are that are there for you, because they will know how to react, and they will be there to support you. You'll really learn who your support system is.

[Shane Topp]

I also think when it comes to. If that person is actually talking to you about just anything, just listening. A thing I regret the most, and I still do it a lot, and I hate myself every time I do it. Is honestly giving any sort of advice in those situations, it's just never.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

It's not even if it is the correct advice. The best thing you can be doing is listening.

[Courtney Miller]

That's always been the thing for me because, like, I. I haven't experienced a lot of loss in my life. So I know that my, my experience is gonna be completely useless to them. So it's like. So I'm like, I'm like, hey, like, I love you. If you're struggling and you need to talk, if you wanna talk, like, I'm here. But I always just leave it at that because it's like, hey, you know, I love you. Like, I think that's the most important thing.

[Damien Haas]

And for me, like, when I'm grieving and going through a lot, like, sometimes it is just a shoulder to cry on. Like, I just need a hug and I just need to cry it out. And I just need someone there to, like, you know, take care of.

[Shane Topp]

You just need to let feelings out.

[Damien Haas]

And then say, you want. Do you want some Korean soup? And I'm like, yes, I want some Korean soup. And then that's how I feel better. So I think it's really, you know, learning how, how you can support that person in the way that they need supported.

[Courtney Miller]

Just listen.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, but don't. You don't have to be the person to give them the advice that, that fixes them. Like, just, just listen.

[Damien Haas]

And a lot of times it just takes time. When it's a loss, when it's like when my grandmother's passed away, like, it's just time and it still hurts and it still sucks. Like, years later it still sucks. And I still cry about it every so often. It's just. It just takes time and you gotta give it its moment.

[Shane Topp]

Well. Cause a lot of people going through something, they logically know the reality of the situation and what they should be doing or what's actually going on. It's just sometimes those feelings are just there.

[Damien Haas]

Emotional.

[Shane Topp]

You logically can't just get rid of. You can't go, oh, well, this. You know what? It's actually a good thing. And they're in a better place now or whatever. And you're going, oh, and now I don't feel bad. Now I don't feel bad anymore. It's like, it's like, no, you're just gonna feel bad for a while.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. God, I can't fucking gall on some people. Like, if you're not a religious person and somebody says, like, well, you know, God has a plan. And it's like, you want to get punched right now.

[Shane Topp]

It's also.

[Damien Haas]

That's like knowing your audience.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Regardless of what you believe, it just, it just sucks. Like, it sucks on so many levels. Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay, well, let's, let's, let's end it on a, on a slightly lighter note. This one Would also just need a one word response. I think. Shy Greenbean. I know there's a lot of you guys that ask questions. I'm sorry that we got two from her. I'm so sorry. She just asks good questions. Shy Greenbean said, I've been throwing around an idea of getting some sort of smosh tattoo for a couple years, and it's something I want to get, but I just don't know what it should be. Any suggestions or ideas? So first off, let's begin with this one word. One, two, three. No, please. That's very nice. And I totally get it. I'm.

[Damien Haas]

A few people have done it.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, a few people have done it.

[Damien Haas]

I helped tattooed on them.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, that's right.

[Damien Haas]

Comic Sans.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Amazing. Which is. It's really awesome. I really. I'm like, honored. Like, obviously I love the support, but I'm thinking about you guys longevity wise. And I wouldn't suggest that.

[Damien Haas]

Grandma, what's that tattoo?

[Shane Topp]

But I think it's Chip's ghost. The entirety of Chip's Ghost.

[Courtney Miller]

But I think the thing is. So she's asking any suggestions or ideas? And we kind of talked about this a little bit before where it's like, oh, maybe something that's a reference. If you're gonna get a smosh tattoo, maybe don't do like a thing that.

[Shane Topp]

Says smosh or get like my face tattooed on your face.

[Courtney Miller]

But if you get Chips Ghost. If you get Chips Ghost on you. That's, that's.

[Damien Haas]

But what if it was like a cool. Yeah, what if it was like a cool, like, artistic version of Chips Ghost? I think you're fine if that's something that you really want to do. I don't have any tattoos because I cannot. That commitment just scares me. But I think if you, like. Well, like we said earlier, like, if you can. Could find a way to like find a nod to smosh that's very meaningful to you.

[Courtney Miller]

Look at that.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, we can't. If you want to get a tattoo, you can get a tattoo that's totally right.

[Courtney Miller]

They're very personal. And everybody gets tattoos for different reasons, whether it's. They want to remember this moment they were in or if it just means something to them. So I mean, if.

[Shane Topp]

If.

[Courtney Miller]

If you really feel like getting a smosh tattoo that's completely on you.

[Damien Haas]

Don't get it on your face. Face. Don't get on your neck.

[Courtney Miller]

That's one thing.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, that's a blanket.

[Courtney Miller]

Don't put it on your face. Yeah, please. That's gonna. That's over.

[Damien Haas]

You don't. You won't get a job. You won't even get a job at Smosh with a face tattoo of Smosh.

[Courtney Miller]

No, no, that's. That's too much Smosh right across the forehead.

[Damien Haas]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Topp]

So did I get it? Sorry.

[Courtney Miller]

It'd be great if they ended up on a different YouTube channel.

[Shane Topp]

If they worked for, like, they joined Faze Clan.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, the Faze Clan.

[Shane Topp]

Faze Clan that got Smosh tattooed on their face. That'd be awesome.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay, that' That's a. I'd be down for that.

[Shane Topp]

That's incredible promotion.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. I'd say it's completely up to you, but I am not. I'm not pressuring you or anyone to get a Smosh tattoo. Thank you so much for the people that did. That's very nice of you, but it's a very personal thing. And you have to know that for the most part, it is permanent forever. For the rest of your life. Unless you want to spend a lot of money and go through a lot of pain to get it removed later.

[Damien Haas]

Like covered up or something.

[Courtney Miller]

Or covered up.

[Damien Haas]

Do you have any tattoos?

[Courtney Miller]

I do not.

[Damien Haas]

Shane, do you?

[Courtney Miller]

I don't.

[Damien Haas]

Oh, my God. We're the non tattooed people.

[Shane Topp]

Everyone else in this room has tattoos, right?

[Damien Haas]

Oh, Kevin doesn't either.

[Courtney Miller]

Wow.

[Shane Topp]

Ryan's got enough for all of us. Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Ryan wearing, like, the J Crew sweater.

[Damien Haas]

And covering up all his tats. And he works here. Cause he doesn't have any face or neck tats. Look at that.

[Courtney Miller]

But, I mean, his tats were visible when he first started working with us.

[Damien Haas]

I think.

[Courtney Miller]

I don't know.

[Damien Haas]

I know, but not right now.

[Courtney Miller]

It doesn't matter. Tattoos don't that profit. Tattoos don't bother me. And I'm completely. I'm open to getting a tattoo, but there's nothing.

[Shane Topp]

Same thing. I'm in the same exact boat. The idea of having tattoos is something I'm like, oh, that'd be dope. There's nothing that I'm like, oh, that image or word is so important to me that I have to have it on my body.

[Damien Haas]

I'd like to get my cats tattooed, but I think after they die, I'd be really depressed. So I'm not.

[Shane Topp]

See, See, I've actually. The tattoo I was. If I had. If someone said. If someone pointed a gun on my head and said, you have to get a tattoo, I'd be like. For one, I'd be like, weird. This is weird. This is why I don't hang Out.

[Courtney Miller]

Damien, why are you doing this?

[Shane Topp]

Damian, why are you doing this? But actually is like, a silhouette or some sort of tattoo of my childhood dog because he still plays such a huge part in, like, I think about him all the time that I'm like, oh, if I'm still thinking about him eight years after he's been gone, then maybe I'll get a tattoo of that. That's really cool.

[Damien Haas]

I think I would get sparrow birds, but for no good reason.

[Courtney Miller]

No.

[Damien Haas]

Only if that.

[Courtney Miller]

Sparrows.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. I like them. I've always liked them. I don't care if they're trendy. I'm an Aquarius. I do what I want.

[Shane Topp]

What if I just get all of Dwayne the Rock Johnson's tattoos, please? Like, in the exact same spots and everything.

[Courtney Miller]

Would you, please?

[Damien Haas]

That's so good.

[Shane Topp]

I think it's. It's kind of racist, though, because I think he has tattoos that are, like, very, like, specific to.

[Damien Haas]

Cultural appropriation.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. Where he's from and everything. So it'd be a little funny.

[Damien Haas]

Cultural appropriation of the rock.

[Courtney Miller]

So, yeah. Tattoos, yeah. It's up to you. But. But, guys, we're coming up on our time. This has been. This has been a really fun. I like the advice, Cass. I hope that we've helped some of you guys or at least you know, given you sort of an avenue to go down, that. That helps.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. And I think. Let us know on Twitter if you want more of these episodes. They're fun to do. It's kind of fun to, like, jump.

[Courtney Miller]

Around from topic to topic, but yeah. Thank you, Sarah and Shane, for coming on, and thank you guys so much for watching. Oh, yeah, we still have some tickets going for sale on the tour. Smosh Tor. I think Sacramento and a couple other places are still. I think we sold out in. Was it Seattle? Seattle's close. San Diego? Sold out. Sacramento, Portland, Phoenix. Yeah. Tickets available. All right, well, if you're in any of those areas, grab yourself a ticket. Smosh store. They got some litty clothes that. That would look great on you. Yeah. If you're not yet subscribed to the smoshcast, please do so. Rate us five stars on the Apple Store so people know that we're not totally garbage. And we'll see you guys next time. Bye.

[Damien Haas]

Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Shane Topp]

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