S2: #54 - Hold My Leash (Smosh Advice)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth - S2: #54 - Hold My Leash (Smosh Advice)

Release Date: March 11, 2020

Hosts: Shayne Topp, Amanda Lehan-Canto, Damien Haas, and Mari Takahashi

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Overview

In episode #54 of Smosh Mouth, titled "Hold My Leash (Smosh Advice)," hosts Shayne Topp (Short), Amanda Lehan-Canto (Tall), along with Damien Haas and Mari Takahashi, dive into a series of listener-submitted questions, providing their unique blend of humor and heartfelt advice. The episode is structured into two main segments: Advice Cast, where pivotal life questions are addressed, and Shoot Dude, featuring hilarious and bizarre listener stories.

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Advice Cast

1. Encouraging a Friend to Vote Without Being Pushy

Timestamp: 09:20 - 17:48

The episode kicks off with a listener question from Superistism Shane, who is struggling to persuade a friend to vote without coming off as overbearing. The conversation emphasizes the importance of voting beyond just presidential elections, highlighting local propositions that directly impact communities.

Notable Quotes:

• Courtney Miller (Tall): “Voting is so much more than just voting for the next president. It's about propositions that affect your local roads, schools, and community services.”
• Mari Takahashi: “Empower people to understand that they have the power to make a difference. It’s your choice, and you make changes.”

The hosts discuss the significance of local elections and encourage approaching the topic with empathy and factual information rather than frustration. They underscore that democracy is fragile and requires active participation to maintain.

2. Deciding to Stay or Leave a 10-Year Relationship

Timestamp: 18:08 - 24:34

Melissa Joyce poses a profound question: “Would you stay or leave a 10-year relationship even if you love the person so much, but you're not as happy as you used to be?” Mari shares her personal experience of leaving an eight-and-a-half-year relationship, emphasizing that love does not necessarily equate to perpetual happiness.

Notable Quotes:

• Mari Takahashi: “Life is too long to be unhappy.”
• Damien Haas: “If you're recognizing this for yourself, it might be a good idea to communicate it and maybe see if you can go to couples counseling.”

The discussion revolves around the balance between love and personal happiness, the courage to make difficult decisions, and the importance of defining one’s own relationship goals. The hosts advocate for honest self-reflection and communication, suggesting that sometimes leaving is necessary for personal growth and fulfillment.

3. Breaking Up in the Nicest Way Possible

Timestamp: 32:39 - 37:19

A listener named Aussie Zombies asks for advice on how to end a relationship amicably. The hosts agree that honesty is paramount, even if the conversation is uncomfortable.

Notable Quotes:

• Courtney Miller (Tall): “Don't think of yourself as the good guy by being vague. You can't.”
• Damien Haas: “Be as kind as possible, but be as straightforward as possible.”

The consensus is that while breakups are inherently painful, approaching them with clarity and compassion can mitigate hurt feelings. They stress the importance of ending relationships respectfully, without leaving the other person in limbo, and recognizing when it’s time to move on for the sake of mutual well-being.

4. Working with a High School Bully and Being a Third Wheel

Timestamp: 37:32 - 44:50

Two related questions emerge: one about handling a work environment with a former high school bully (Jorthan Ronald) and another from a friend who feels like a third wheel on dates.

Notable Quotes:

• Damien Haas: “If they weren’t actively trying to ruin your life, I would give them a chance.”
• Mari Takahashi: “Can you rise above it? Can you lead by example? Can you be bigger than that event and that person?”

The hosts explore the nuances of interacting with former adversaries in professional settings, advocating for professionalism and personal boundaries. For the third wheel scenario, they advise open communication with friends to express discomfort and seek arrangements that respect everyone's space and feelings.

5. Motivation to Return to the Gym

Timestamp: 50:03 - 57:53

Listener NAT V97 seeks advice on rekindling gym habits after a five-year hiatus. The hosts offer practical tips on building routines and finding enjoyable forms of exercise.

Notable Quotes:

• Mari Takahashi: “Just try out a class here and there. Maybe you’ll really like dance classes or just do 10 push-ups in the morning.”
• Damien Haas: “Start going once. Once you show yourself you can go even when you're tired, you get back into the routine.”

Emphasizing the importance of consistency and self-compassion, they suggest finding workout partners for accountability, varying exercise routines to maintain interest, and setting long-term health goals over short-term aesthetic ones.

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Shoot Dude

Incident at Spencer’s Gifts

Timestamp: 57:53 - 64:21

The Shoot Dude segment features a listener story from a former manager at Spencer's Gifts, recounting a bizarre encounter with a customer who handed over her boyfriend—on a leather dog leash—for a brief moment.

Notable Highlights:

• The manager humorously describes being tasked with holding a man on a leash while other customers walked in, leading to awkward and funny interactions.
• The story underscores the unpredictability of retail work and the importance of maintaining professionalism in absurd situations.

Notable Quotes:

• Courtney Miller (Tall): “If you give someone a leashed person, maybe say no.”
• Damien Haas: “Working retail sucks.”

This segment adds comedic relief to the episode, illustrating the hosts' ability to blend serious advice with lighthearted, relatable humor.

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Conclusion

Episode #54 of Smosh Mouth adeptly balances heartfelt advice with entertaining anecdotes, showcasing the hosts' versatility and camaraderie. From navigating complex personal relationships and civic responsibilities to managing quirky retail mishaps, Shayne, Amanda, Damien, and Mari provide insightful and often humorous perspectives that resonate with listeners. The inclusion of notable quotes and real-life experiences enhances the episode's relatability, making it a valuable listen for those seeking guidance or simply a good laugh.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Mari Takahashi (03:02): “I'm really gonna work on staying here. I was everywhere last year.”
• Courtney Miller (24:00): “If you don't want to be alone, it's just a swipe of a phone.”
• Damien Haas (22:06): “It's not the craziest thing in the world to leave a 10-year relationship.”
• Mari Takahashi (37:19): “It's okay to not be able to fix something.”
• Courtney Miller (46:15): “Conversation over text is not a real conversation.”
• Mari Takahashi (55:05): “I absolutely despise the gym. I get so bored within minutes.”

These quotes encapsulate the episode’s key themes of self-improvement, honest communication, and finding balance in personal and professional relationships.

Transcript

[Ian Hecox]

How did Ella bake her way to the top? It all started with one smart decision. She test drove a certified used truck from her local Ford dealer. It was inspected, backed by a Ford warranty, and fit her budget. A carfax report was the cherry on top. Soon, a pinch of confidence became a truckload of ambition. Cupcakes became customers. Customers became regulars.

[Courtney Miller]

Hola.

[Ian Hecox]

Turns out Ella's next great investment was herself. Ford Blue Advantage used car buying that's built for you. See dealer for full program and limited warranty Details ramble.

[Courtney Miller]

At least voice how you're feeling to that person about, hey, I want to be your friend. I really enjoy spending time with you. What? What's up with this? Why do you keep blowing me off?

[Damien Haas]

Nothing wrong with hanging out with a couple. There's no such thing as necessarily being the third wheel when you're all adults. You're just hanging out and having fun.

[Mari Takahashi]

Sounds like this person might not want to come to terms with it, but you might be emotionally detached if you're thinking about this.

[Damien Haas]

Do you guys know the rock is 80?

[Mari Takahashi]

Stop. He's an actual rock. He's graphite.

[Damien Haas]

He's literally lightning struck a boulder, and out of it, he walked.

[Mari Takahashi]

If you're like a superhuman and you could hear really, really well like this, if you could always hear people farting and how awful. Like, you could probably hear so many disgusting sounds. I think. I think most superhum humans would just go absolutely insane.

[Damien Haas]

I would do that.

[Mari Takahashi]

Somebody's like, gut just like.

[Damien Haas]

But then, because it drives me nuts when someone's like, chewing gum straight up, mouth open. Courtney was doing it for a bit the other yesterday during. Try not to laugh, but even then, I was like, I want to die. Yeah, I'm gonna die.

[Mari Takahashi]

What? If you could just hear that in surround sound from, like, 10ft away.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, okay. I'll die.

[Mari Takahashi]

Like, a cafeteria would just be the worst.

[Courtney Miller]

Well.

[Mari Takahashi]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Courtney Miller]

Howdy, folks. Welcome to the Smosh cast. Gosh, it's been a while since I've. It's been a hot mom been on here. Today, I am joined by the illustrious, the elusive, the illest, Damien Haas and Mari Takahashi.

[Mari Takahashi]

Hey. Wow. Were they illustrious?

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, we're the Illuminati.

[Courtney Miller]

Illuminati.

[Damien Haas]

Making the triangle.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah. It is real.

[Damien Haas]

It's funny. We are as. As most people say in Smosh lore, we are the big three. I don't know. I said that in a meeting when they said that we were going to be working together, I was like, oh, the big three, Which I say about Everything. And then for some reason, that was the time people were like, wow, you just gave yourself like, a title. I'm like, no, I say it about everything.

[Courtney Miller]

This is another episode of the advice cast where you guys sent in your advice and we're going to give you the most expert advice that's totally backed up. We are board certified expert advice givers. But before we get to that. Hi, Mari, how are you?

[Mari Takahashi]

I'm good, I'm good.

[Courtney Miller]

What have you been doing? Where have you been going? What's. What Crazy lands have you explored recently?

[Mari Takahashi]

I've actually been local. Like, I haven't gone anywhere lately. And I think this year I'm really gonna work on staying here. I was everywhere last year.

[Courtney Miller]

That's hilarious. Because I feel like most people, like, I want to travel more.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Like, I don't want to leave my house.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah. I'm on a really great creative kick right now, and I feel like I've been in a creative rut for a while, and it's a kind of a long story. But something hit me in December. I. I was following my mom around when she was doing her last Nutcracker shows. And I realized while following her around, I really have not, like, done a good job documenting her and, like, our experiences together. And so I was following her around with the camera just because I wanted to, like, get these moments and something stuck in me and where I'm like, I want to make content with my mom.

[Damien Haas]

Whoa, that's so cool.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah, so it. I'm, I. I've been on this creative kick since then.

[Damien Haas]

That's great.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah. That was back in December. And so I'm excited for. For doing stuff this year.

[Courtney Miller]

What exactly are you. Are you filming with your mom? Is it like kind of like a figure out, like, who she is as a person?

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah. So I want it to be Damien. You'll like this. It'll be just an interview show, but we'll be speaking Japanese.

[Damien Haas]

Cool.

[Mari Takahashi]

Subtitled. Cuz that's how my mom and I communicate. Yeah. Or you can just guess what we're talking about.

[Damien Haas]

Be like, okay, so this is a part where they both seen if they're caught up on the Bachelor and who they like. I don't know.

[Mari Takahashi]

This is where they fight.

[Damien Haas]

This is where they fight, like, full on smiling, like. Yeah.

[Mari Takahashi]

Can.

[Courtney Miller]

Can. Can Papa Takahashi jump in for occasional, like, comedic relief?

[Mari Takahashi]

I. I really want to do a segment with him called Be with Dad, which means Beer with dad, where I just get some. Be my dad. I don't even drink.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. But I'll just say you're not a. You're not a drinker.

[Mari Takahashi]

I know I don't drink alcohol, but I think I'll just maybe have non alcoholic beer and my dad can have some.

[Courtney Miller]

That's cool.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

I love your dad.

[Mari Takahashi]

He's a. He's a character.

[Courtney Miller]

He's adorable.

[Damien Haas]

I don't think I've met your dad, really.

[Mari Takahashi]

Oh, dude, he's got to come by the studio. He'll. He'll look. He'll want to look at all this radio equipment.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, yeah. Because he's a big ham radio guy.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah, he is.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Mari Takahashi]

He's got a ham shack in the house, which is.

[Damien Haas]

Okay. I know it's for radio, but just let me imagine what I think that is for a moment. Just for me.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, Ham shack. Because ham radio is like, you just tune to a random frequency and then you hope that you get somebody else that's on a ham radio.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

And they could be completely on the other side of the world, right?

[Mari Takahashi]

Yep. And you know how my dad talks. He's just like, hello, this is Teddy. You know, he's just kind of like, just really out there and super unabashed. But he's really proud because he is if there's any emergencies that take out like telephone poles and stuff in our city or. No, in our county, my dad's the go to person.

[Damien Haas]

That's cool.

[Mari Takahashi]

And he's just. I don't know if he's prepared, but he like, he's really proud of it.

[Damien Haas]

That's really cool.

[Courtney Miller]

Well, that's cool. We need people like that.

[Damien Haas]

Hell yeah.

[Mari Takahashi]

We need a tarot.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

Everyone we stand.

[Courtney Miller]

Everyone needs a T shirt. Well, okay, let's. Well, Damien, how have you been?

[Damien Haas]

I've been pretty good, thanks, man.

[Courtney Miller]

The floofs.

[Damien Haas]

The floofs. The floofs are good. They were definitely happy to see me after tour. They're going to be missing me once we're filming this right before we go to Australia, so. Australia. So it's been, it's been a lot of fun the past month, but it's also been a lot of like life maintenance. You know, I haven't been really starting anything new because, you know, we're in between these long periods of travel. So it's once again just been. I've got a couple of voiceover job, one that I'm doing tomorrow, which is cool. Been doing the normal. Like we film. Some days I stream and then some days I record voiceover auditions. Then I go to bed like it's very like, business as usual right now, I think.

[Courtney Miller]

I think it's easy to kind of like, lose track of, like, all the things we're sort of doing when you're doing so much stuff and then, and then if you're not doing anything, it's like, gosh, like, I wish I was doing something.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

You know, you're never going to find that balance. But I think it's true. I think it's important to, you know, try to not let everything blow by without acknowledging kind of the, the awesome opportunities that we have and.

[Damien Haas]

Oh, totally.

[Courtney Miller]

I mean, Australia is going to be awesome.

[Damien Haas]

Oh, for sure. I sure hope I didn't come across that way. Yeah, I'm going to Australia. Like, no, it's incredibly exciting. It's just, you know, when it becomes part of your day to day, it is your day to day. Like, I. I've been doing a lot of, like, major cleaning of my room. Like, I just want to feel more comfortable in my space. And I've started finding all this, like, video game me kind of stuff that has just piled up. Some of it has. Isn't even open. And I remember being a teenager watching things like E3 and just seeing a T shirt with a video game title on it. I'm like, I want that. That's all I ever want. Like, that'd be so cool. And now it's my day to day life and I'm like, oh, I need to start giving this away to friends. I don't have room for all this stuff. So it's like, it's not like you're not grateful, it's just like, it becomes your life.

[Mari Takahashi]

We're like, constantly adjusting that bar and sometimes it's hard to, like, just step away and look at where you are.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Mari Takahashi]

Because I remember at the end of last year, I'm like, oh, man, I did nothing this year. Like, I was so down the dumps. And then I started writing, like, what I did last year, and by the end of it, I had this list of, like, things that I, you know, moments that I. That really meant a lot to me and, you know, accomplishments or whatever. And then I look back and I'm like, man, I get so stuck in my head. Like, I feel like I do nothing. And then if I actually write it down, I'm like, okay, I did stuff.

[Damien Haas]

I think the tricky thing about that is it's in a way, your superpower, or, like, it's the superpower of a creative individual that actually gets to have a creative job where like you're not satisfied with what you've done. It doesn't feel that special right away. So therefore you're always striving to do the next thing and do more and that's what pushes you to actually do it. I feel like I would have a tendency to like rest on my laurels if I really sat down and was like, wow, what an awesome thing I did last month. And that was just last month. I've got all the time in the world. Like, you know, I. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mari Takahashi]

It's, it's, it's definitely a double edged sword.

[Damien Haas]

It is. It's about that balance, like you said. Maybe, maybe it's impossible to find true balance between the two, but I think you should always strive to do so.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, well, let's, let's get to the, let's get to the advising, shall we?

[Damien Haas]

Let's do it. Advice. How do I fix a contact that is screwing up?

[Courtney Miller]

Oh no, just take your finger and.

[Mari Takahashi]

Just swish it around.

[Damien Haas]

Rip it clean out. Bare hands, just take your, your whole eyeball.

[Courtney Miller]

So do you wear contacts more?

[Mari Takahashi]

Not anymore. I got Lasik like 11 years ago.

[Courtney Miller]

That's still, still good.

[Damien Haas]

Still to redo it like every 45 minutes.

[Mari Takahashi]

I hope not because it's a horrifying.

[Courtney Miller]

Surgery for some people. It deteriorates. I know with, with Ryan Higa.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah, he was complaining about it.

[Courtney Miller]

His LASIK start like get a little.

[Mari Takahashi]

So, so mine's good still.

[Courtney Miller]

That's good. I, I've been thinking about it. Sorry. Anyway, this first one comes from super superst Shane. Superist superst Shane, they said. I had a really frustrating conversation with a friend about him not voting yesterday. How can I help encourage him without being a total butthole? I think a lot of people get so caught up with, they think voting is just voting for the next president and voting is so much more than that.

[Damien Haas]

Yes.

[Courtney Miller]

You know, your local elections, it's your local council members, it's. I mean the big ones. The things that are most important to me are like the propositions like, of like, you know, oh, we want to build a road here or oh, we want to fund schools more. Oh, we want to, you know, do this and this and that and those are the things that encourage me to go out and vote because I actually feel like I can have a say in my community. Voting for president. Some people feel very disaffected because they're like, oh, well, you know, electoral college, like in California. They're like, well, it's not really going to make that much Of a difference. I still think people should vote for who they want to be president. Yeah, I think that's very important. But what's. What's, you know, even more important is things at the local level, things that. Things that actually will affect you. For instance, in 2008, there was a proposition called Prop 8, which you may remember, Mari, which wanted to ban gay marriage in California, and it actually passed. Banning gay marriage.

[Damien Haas]

Oh. Cause, like, everyone thought, like, there's no way that's going to pass. And they didn't vote.

[Courtney Miller]

There was a very. There was a very large campaign funded largely by a certain organization.

[Mari Takahashi]

Chick Fil. A.

[Courtney Miller]

No, no. But you're. Think you're getting warm. So I think a lot of people just kind of went along with it. And there was a lot of these, like, commercials, and they kind of seem to be alluding to, like, oh, well, what if there's like. Like gay parents? Like, you don't want your gay. You don't want gay parents spreading gay. The gay agenda, you know, and all this.

[Mari Takahashi]

The sanctity of marriage was a huge debate of, like, well, if. If it's not, you know, if it's not sacred anymore, then what is marriage? Then? Your marriage to a man and a woman means nothing now. And there's a literal contract.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And like, I remember because I remember some people being like, well, if we're just gonna let two men marry, what's next? We're gonna. We can marry our dogs.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

It's like, I don't know, man. Is that something you are actively wanting to do? And if so, we should talk about that. Yeah, but how do you. How do you deal with that and explain those kind of things to people and not be a jerk about it? My. My thought would be, you straight up, just don't be a jerk about it. Like, don't let yourself get too emotional and upset as they're talking to. If you're trying to convince someone and they're throwing it, like, things that you like, it doesn't matter. Give them a counterpoint as calmly as possible and be like, what do you think about that? What I've just said? And if they're setting their ways, just being like, well, no, I know. I just know it doesn't matter. Then maybe that's a wall you can't budge. But my thought about it is, then afterwards, that friend is not allowed to complain about literally anything ever again.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

Be it. Be it like a president or a situation, or they're like, man, there's a Pothole in this road. You have to look at them and be like, shut up.

[Courtney Miller]

Because we could have for measure M.

[Damien Haas]

Well, that's all the potholes. Yeah, no, sorry. That's literally. I had a lot of conversations for the last presidential election. Like it's, it's a matter of, you know, people are like, well, it's not going to matter. It's just really not like I don't, I don't like either person. I'm like, well then shut up forever. Shut up forever.

[Mari Takahashi]

Well, I think things are so politically charged right now and it weighs really heavily on people. As soon as you start talking about, are you voting, Are you not voting? People feel really defensive all of a sudden. It's kind of like, you know, talking about really charged things like religion or your lifesty, like you're asking somebody to do something that they had not done before. If you go at it in a, in an attackful way, they're going to run away. And ultimately that's not what we want. I think you're really right. We have to empower people to understand that they have the power to make a difference. And I think for me it took a long time. I'd always voted since I was 18, but until I started really like, like marching around like congress in Washington D.C. and like talking to legislators, which I never thought that I had any sort of respons, responsibility, power, nor like audacity to do, I didn't realize just how much power we do have as citizens. Yeah, they're, they're elected officials who work really for their people and for their constituents and for us. And I think if that's the conversation you can have with people, it's like, no, the power is in your hands. You get to do this. You, it's your choice and you make changes. I think that's a better conversation than like, why aren't you doing it? You know, you're not.

[Damien Haas]

Great point.

[Mari Takahashi]

Responsible enough.

[Courtney Miller]

And if they're not convinced, we, we, you know, ship those people to a country where your voice isn't heard.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

And then.

[Mari Takahashi]

Because there are a lot of those still.

[Damien Haas]

Sure, yeah.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah. I mean, I think we take it for granted.

[Damien Haas]

That's true. And I think you brought up a good point by saying everything is so like politically charged nowadays between like multiple sides or just two sides. It's sort of now more than ever become like a team sport where it's no longer. You don't even know what you think about a certain topic until you hear what does my team think? Ah, yes. That's what my team. And I think that too, like, like people. I'd have so much more respect for politics in general if people would take a specific topic and talk about both sides and let you sort of figure out what you think. But now it's literally about like, hey, they want to take this from you. We got to beat them. And it's like, well, they want to turn everything into this, so we got to beat them. And nobody's actually talking about fixing anything. Like, it must suck to grow up right now and think, oh, that's what politics are. Of course you're disillusioned. It doesn't make any sense. So it's a good idea to remind them, hey, this is what it's actually about. Like you were saying.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, but, but it's also, but it's also more than just. It's more than just the President. It's. Yes, it's. It's your Congress people. It's your, it's your representatives. Like, sorry, Senators. It's your representatives. Like, it's. That is so in a lot of ways more important it is than the President because they're the ones that are passing the bills and the laws.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah, the president can.

[Courtney Miller]

They have vetoes, but yeah.

[Mari Takahashi]

And then, and then the, the Senate says. In the Senate and the House, they say yes or no to it.

[Courtney Miller]

It's so much more important to vote on things beyond the presidency. And I know a lot of people just get really hyper focused on, like, no, it's the big guy at the top. And it's like, well, government is, is structured in a way that, you know, as long as we keep voting and as long as we keep staying engaged in politics and, and staying engaged as citizens, we can't lose it.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. But, but the thing is, we have to stay engaged and we have to stay informed.

[Mari Takahashi]

I think it's really easy for it to feel too big to change. There's, there's a John Mayer song and like the, it's called Body is a Wonderland Close. It's waiting on. On the world to change.

[Damien Haas]

Oh, that's right.

[Mari Takahashi]

And it's like, it feels too big to actually make any impact, so you just kind of sit back and like, someone else will take care of it.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. And that's, that's how you lose your freedoms.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yes.

[Courtney Miller]

Democracy is really fragile, and we have to always keep fighting to keep it. And the moment we stop fighting to have the rights that we have right now, we can, we can lose it very quickly. So I think as long as I mean, I think it's. It's kind of a. It's our responsibility to stay informed.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Mari Takahashi]

Last piece of advice. Lead by example.

[Damien Haas]

That's true.

[Mari Takahashi]

You're not going to change that person. But you can lead by example.

[Ian Hecox]

How did Ella bake her way to the top? It all started with one smart decision. She test drove a certified used truck from her local Ford dealer. It was inspected, backed by a Ford warranty, and fit her budget. A Carfax report was the cherry on top. Soon a pinch of confidence became a truckload of ambition. Cupcakes became customers. Customers became regulars.

[Courtney Miller]

Hola.

[Ian Hecox]

Turns out Ella's next great investment was herself. Ford Blue Advantage used car buying. That's built for you. See dealer for full program and limited warranty details.

[Courtney Miller]

All right, let's move on to something much happier. Melissa Joyce said, would you stay or leave a 10 year relationship even if you love the person so much, but you're not as happy like you used to? Or do you think there's a way to make things work that's way happier?

[Damien Haas]

Thank you.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Damien Haas]

Appreciate it.

[Courtney Miller]

Well, Mari, I mean, you're the only person that. That made it past a 10. 10 year mark.

[Mari Takahashi]

Almost. March 15th will be our tenure.

[Damien Haas]

Oh, you got married on the Ides of March?

[Mari Takahashi]

No, we didn't get. We got married April 5th, but our 10 year got it. Is March. And what is that? What's the.

[Damien Haas]

It's a. It's a thing with the. Beware of the Ides of March. And it's when the. Julius Caesar. Oh, all right.

[Mari Takahashi]

I'm not Greek, so.

[Damien Haas]

Wait, is that Julius Caesar? I'm having a breakfast.

[Mari Takahashi]

Wait, Caesar, Shakespeare?

[Courtney Miller]

I don't know.

[Damien Haas]

I don't know. I think it's a Shakespeare thing. Beware the Ides of March. I have half a theater degree.

[Courtney Miller]

Sorry.

[Mari Takahashi]

My previous relationship, I was in for seven and a half or eight and a half. I forget which one. I think it was eight and a half. And we were on track to get married, do the whole shebang. And walking away from that relationship was surprisingly the easiest thing because I was emotionally detached for so long. And it sounds like this person might not want to come to terms with it, but you might be emotionally detached if you're thinking about this. If you're not happy, that's a really, really good time to readjust and recaliber. And I think it's really scary when you've been in a relationship for that long because there's so much pressure. Everyone around you, your whole life, everyone knows you as you, with this person, there's probably, you know, just so much history behind it, and without it, you feel like you can't stand up on your two, two legs, but you can. People say life is too short. I say that life is too long for you to be unhappy.

[Damien Haas]

Wow, that's good.

[Courtney Miller]

I, I would say though that, you know, this person says, you know, even if you love the person so much, but you're not, not as happy like you used to be. So it's like, are you to be expected to just be like super happy forever with this, with this person, or do the benefits outweigh the, the negatives? You know what I mean? Like, I'm kind of, I don't really sit on either side of this because I, because I can see both, I can see both sides. Like, I feel like after 10 years, your sort of objectives might also change in a relationship. Like, maybe you were madly in love with this person and you were obsessed with, you know, something about them. And then over those years, things changed. They changed, you changed. Is it so much about being as happy as possible always? Like, that's, we all know that's not possible.

[Damien Haas]

Well, but you should, you should strive for it though, I'd say, right? Like, the very fact that you're asking this question means that you are not happy where you're at right now. So at the very least, that should be your goal, to change somehow, whether with this person or not with this person. I'm like you. It could go either way. I think the important thing is if you're recognizing this for yourself, it might be a good idea to, as hard as it is, communicate it and maybe see if you can go to couples counseling. Like, see if you guys want to work through that together. Because you do deserve to be as happy as you can be if something lies within your power to change. And if there's no change that happens, then you go from there. It's not the craziest thing in the world to leave a 10 year relationship. I would assume it's, you know, like you said, you've, you've built your life with this person. All the memories you have of recent years involve them too. So you don't necessarily know who you are outside of that. But like, you're not happy right now, that sucks.

[Mari Takahashi]

And, and I think you can still love a person for the rest of your life totally and not be with them and Absolutely. That's something we don't hear often enough where it's like, you can, you can love all of your Past, you know, people that you've been with. It doesn't take away anything from the current status of anything. I truly believe that. But it's scary to think it that way as well.

[Damien Haas]

So you also have to define, like, what you're looking for relationship wise. Because, like, I'll. I'll be honest, I'm a pretty, like, classic guy. Like, I would like to be married one day and it would be nice to like, have that partner forever, but at the same time, we are sort of conditioned in a way. Like, that's a social thing to be. Like, you will marry one person and be with them forever. And that's whatever. That's not necessarily how we're wired all the time. And not. Some people might be, but some people aren't. So sometimes if you have a partner for 10 years, that's fantastic. What an awesome 10 years. Thank you for that gift. But like, trying to conform your happiness to, you know, I've been with you for 10 years and that's the normal, maybe detrimental, figure out what relationship ideally would look like to you. I don't know.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah. And recalibrating what that happy is.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Mari Takahashi]

If it's labored every single day, then it's something that, that can change or. And if it can't, then it might be time to make that hard decision.

[Damien Haas]

It's also okay to be alone, too.

[Mari Takahashi]

It is okay. Yes.

[Damien Haas]

Normal.

[Mari Takahashi]

We're at a time where we're rewriting everything about what social constructs were, what relationships were, what jobs were. We're literally rewriting everything. This generation is bananas.

[Courtney Miller]

Love it.

[Mari Takahashi]

We're taking everything, just being like, nope. Wiping it clean. We're starting over. And so.

[Courtney Miller]

And if you don't want to be alone, it's just a swipe of a foam.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Like, it's. It's kind of crazy.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah. It's literally. If you don't want to be alone right now for the next hour, then it's a swipe of a phone. Right. It is the freedoms that were never talked about, never allowed. It was always just this stigma to it. And so don't be afraid to rewrite it. Ten years is a long time and it's a time to cherish for.

[Courtney Miller]

That's a good run. But I mean, yeah, it's. It's not really about the length if you're not, if you're not happy, if you're not completely happy. I just, people, people define, you know, happiness and fulfillment in different ways. If, you know, if you have a kid, like, maybe. Maybe that's where the happiness is directed and not towards your. Not towards your partner. I mean, sure. I was talking with my friend about, like, is a forever relationship something. Something that. That we think is possible. And they were talking to their friend who's married with a kid, and about passion between partners, and if that's important. And the woman was like, no, not really. We have our child, and that's the focus, and we understand that, and we get along great, and it's great, but the passion between us is not. Not important to us.

[Damien Haas]

Sure.

[Courtney Miller]

And I was just like, whoa.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah. So, I mean, I think things shift when you have a child.

[Courtney Miller]

Probably maybe sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. Sometimes some people are just shitty parents, too.

[Damien Haas]

Sure. But again, I think you can draw that back to, like, you define what a relationship, what your desires, what everything is to you. Also, I think it's very important to know that the Ides of March thing could have also come from King Lear or Oedipus. I forget. Thank you.

[Courtney Miller]

Beware the sexy mom. Yeah, that's Oedipus.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

All right, well, on that note, that's gonna make no sense for anyone that doesn't know what Oedipus is. That was it. Right. It was like, guy that was attracted to his mom. Okay, well, sure.

[Damien Haas]

Yes and no.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay.

[Mari Takahashi]

He was tricked into, like, he was.

[Damien Haas]

Abandoned as a baby due to a prophecy that he would, like, screw a bunch of things up and then found by a different couple and then became king through doing that and married the current queen. And then it turns out, oh, that's the couple that abandoned him. So he ended up accidentally marrying his mom. But, like, you can view that as, like, that type of theater is, like, all about punishment by the gods and all that stuff because of all these things. But God, timeline doesn't work the same way as people. Timeline is so he was punished for getting together with his mom, and the punishment was being abandoned by a baby and then having to stab out his eyes later. So it literally. So it's the thing leads to the thing.

[Courtney Miller]

It's kind of like Back to the.

[Damien Haas]

Future a little bit. The punishment led to the thing that he did that made him be punished. And that's the logic of the gods.

[Mari Takahashi]

You cannot run away from Destiny.

[Damien Haas]

That is Doc Brown, because Destiny's pretty good. They keep updating the game.

[Mari Takahashi]

Oh, I thought Destiny, the band.

[Damien Haas]

She had a. She had a kid. Did you hear that?

[Mari Takahashi]

Destiny had a kid.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. And they formed a band. It's called Destiny's.

[Courtney Miller]

What are you guys Talking about, I don't know.

[Damien Haas]

We're on. Stuck in a bit.

[Courtney Miller]

So, on to the next question. Danvers D'Amato said, One of my friends have been blowing me off for a few months and talks to me less, which obviously upsets me. But I'm always happy when talking to her and don't want to end the friendship. What should I do?

[Damien Haas]

Communication. I think most times when people ask advice, the advice, the answer is always communication. First of all, your friend might need some space, and it's okay to give your friend some space, but it's also okay if you're comfortable enough in the friendship to check in about it and be like, hey, you know, I've noticed I've seen you a little bit less lately. I would love to see you more, if that's okay. And also if you want a little space, whatever. But just know that if there's something I'm doing and you want to talk about it, I'm always here, like, and mean that earnestly. Don't say it with any expectation of, you have to come back and fix this problem. Just let them know, like, hey, this is where I'm at. It's simple as that.

[Mari Takahashi]

I think, I think it's. It's also one of the hardest things to be like, here is my gift to you. I expect nothing back because we're human.

[Damien Haas]

Yes, it's so.

[Mari Takahashi]

It's, it's, it's. It's a trial and error, you know, And I think for me, I didn't really start communicating with people until very late in my life. Like, it just wasn't a part of my M.O. of, like, growing up. You know, like, communication with my parents was like, I was told what to do, and I do what I do. And so I grew up with that for a long time where I just didn't communicate. And so, you know, everyone's very different with where that, where that is. And so take it, take it day by day.

[Courtney Miller]

I think it's also like, I don't know how long this person's been friends with. With this person, but people change and you don't. You're not required to stay friends with somebody. And if. And if that person is less interested in being your friend and doesn't want to spend the time with you, then maybe take a hint and say, like, okay, like, here. Is this where I'm thinking this is where we're at. Like, like, are we not really friends anymore? Because that's kind of what this sounds like. It sounds like this person's Way more into their friend than their friend's into them. And if their friend is not giving them the time, then forget about them. Like, not forget about it, but.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah, but forget about it.

[Courtney Miller]

Forget about it.

[Damien Haas]

I think that's a fair point, though. But that also brings me back to, like, if that's where you're at and the friendship really is ending because that person wants their space, then at this point, you don't really have anything to lose by checking in and being like, hey, for sure, let's clear the air. And worst case scenario is they voice that, and then you don't have to wonder anymore. It's the same thing when people are like, I don't know whether or not to ask. Ask out my crush. I'm like, well, you're miserable right now. Check in about it. I think communication is a superpower. I was like, I was at an event, and people are, like, really taken aback by it. Like, I was at an event recently where I ended up running into this guy where, like, we had, like, a little bit of, like, minor, I want to say beef, but there was just like, a little bit of, like, weird energy between us from the last time I'd seen him. It was just like, oh, weird how you said that. No, we didn't really connect on this thing. So I literally just like, when I saw him, I was just like, hey, man, last time we. We saw each other, this happened, and this happened, like, just want to say no hard feelings. And it was literally a moment of like, oh, ye. Well, that's where this was coming from, and that's what this is coming from. We ended up talking for, like an hour and just being buddy about it. Like, it's so hard to mentally break down those barriers. Letting yourself know that that's something you can do, but that's something you can do. And people are, like, shocked when you just talk. Yeah, yeah, it's.

[Courtney Miller]

And I mean, some. Some of the most growth comes from having an uncomfortable conversation. Yeah, you have to have those uncomfortable conversations if you want any sort of. Of like, this is. This is clearly bothering this person. So, yeah, just have the conversation. And if they're like, yeah, then them.

[Damien Haas]

I feel. I feel like if you. If you always tackle things, especially communication with a level and cool head and don't try to put too much pressure on anybody else, basically be like, as good a version of yourself as possible in that, then you don't even have anything to lose in terms of, like, reputation. Like, if you were just like, hey, I'd really like to talk about this. And that person goes like, did you hear such and such tried to talk to me about that? They're crazy. Like, that's not something that's gonna happen.

[Courtney Miller]

Also, don't expect complete honesty from the person when you confront them. Because if somebody confronted me, like, hey, like, are we not really friends? It's really hard to be. I wouldn't expect the person to be completely honest back, but to at least voice how you're feeling to that person about, hey, I wanna be your friend. I really enjoy spending time with you. You what? What's up with this? Why do you keep blowing me off? Like, at least put it out there. Put your cards out there and see. See what they throw back.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, and just make sure you're not accusatory either. Like you have been canceling plans. Just be like, I feel like we haven't seen each other as much. If there's something you want to talk about, I'd love to.

[Mari Takahashi]

Also, there's a lot more people out there that'll probably treat you right.

[Damien Haas]

That's true.

[Mari Takahashi]

And it's hard to divorce friends. It really is. But sometimes it's time. That's the thing, you know, if they're not giving you the, the respect and the time of day and they're not back and texting you back, then it's difficult. But there's plenty of other people out there. Plenty of fish.

[Damien Haas]

Plenty of fish should be bruised with.

[Ian Hecox]

How did Ella bake her way to the top? It all started with one smart decision. She test drove a certified used truck from her local Ford dealer. It was inspected, backed by a Ford warranty, and fit her budget. A carfax report was the cherry on top. Soon a pinch of confidence became a truckload of ambition. Cupcakes became customers. Customers became regulars.

[Courtney Miller]

Hola.

[Ian Hecox]

Turns out out Ella's next great investment was herself. Ford Blue Advantage used car buying that's built for you. See dealer for full program and limited warranty details.

[Courtney Miller]

Speaking of plenty of fish, Aussie zombies asks, how do you break up with a girl in the nicest way possible?

[Damien Haas]

Wow.

[Courtney Miller]

I think, I think this is something that, that I've kind of learned over, over time. Like, don't, don't think of yourself as like, like, oh, but I want to be like the nicest person. Like, oh, I have to like, come out being like the good guy. It's more about just being honest. And if you want to break up with somebody, just break up with them. Be honest about, about how you feel and say, like, this isn't Working for me, obviously. Like, yeah, don't be an asshole. But you can't be vague for. For the sake of being nice, right? Like, you. You don't. Don't think of yourself as, like, this nice. Like, oh, but I have to be the good guy out of this.

[Damien Haas]

Like, yeah, that's not really possible. You. You have to be a version of yourself that you can be proud of. Be as kind as possible, but be as straightforward as possible. But you also have to remember it's a breakup, and if the other person still wants to be in the relationship, there is not a single version of how you can say a thing where you can do it, when you can do it, that's gonna make them stoked about it. Right? It's sort of like, how do I tell someone their loved one passed in a way that they're actually gonna be super chill with it? You can't. It's a really hard thing, and you're starting a grieving process for them. So do what you can. Be as honest as possible and then move on because, you know, it's. It hurts. Breakups suck. It's gonna hurt the person a little bit, but you can't stay in something forever just because you don't want to have that conversation.

[Mari Takahashi]

I remember my friend didn't break up with his girlfriend at the time for, like, six months because the girl was going through a hard time. She was having, like. She had, like, her exam at school and all these things. And so he kept making excuses for continuing the relationship because he wanted to be the nice person and not put on more stress for her. And then years later, I realized that wanting to be nice is more selfish than anything. You. Like you said you want to be seen as the nice guy or the nice girl, and that's why you're not doing the hard thing. But I think it's important to remember not how you think. Think you would want to be treated by how you think that that person wants to be treated. And that person probably wants honesty. Not a sham relationship for X amount of months because you're trying to be the nice guy.

[Damien Haas]

You're not doing them a favor by pretending to still be happy.

[Courtney Miller]

And. And I'm sure those six months in that relationship were probably not that great, right? No, like, it's just like. Just being miserable, being like, oh, but I should do it. Is now a good time? No, like, kind of like a lie. Super selfish. You're just stringing. You're. You're screwing that person over of, like, six months of Their life of that sort of process that they're going to have to go through much later. That's.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, it's not easy. We acknowledge that it's not easy, but you gotta do it.

[Mari Takahashi]

And goes back to communication. Right. I think a lot of these answers are gonna be just communication and, and, you know, like, we've gone through a good amount of our life and it's still hard. We still, like, it's still a thing where it's like, it's not the immediate, immediate action you have to. You're like, okay, I should communicate this. All right, I'm gonna pump myself up. I'm gonna communicate. Here we go. We're gonna communicate and then, you know, you, you bust out the question. But, you know, it's, it's a, it's a journey and I think everyone goes through it.

[Courtney Miller]

The breakup might not be a list of things that they did wrong. It might just be a feeling. Yeah, I feel this, a gut feeling. And, and you don't have to be prepared with a list of reasons and excuses of why you want to break up. It's. This doesn't feel like something and this doesn't feel right to me. Like it's okay to, to end something on a feeling.

[Mari Takahashi]

You know, this goes back to the ten year relationship one too. But a lot of the times I had a hard time letting go of relationships because I felt like I failed. Like I was, I, like there was something wrong with me that I couldn't keep a relationship together. Like I had done something terribly wrong that I need to continue trying to fix it and fix and fix it and, and it's okay to not be able to fix something. I think it's, you know, especially, I think it's just so human to want to be like, no, you know, like I, I can, I can put it back together and it's a thing that holds together and it's beautiful and sometimes it's okay to just leave it.

[Courtney Miller]

Speaking of fixing things, Jorthan Ronald asked, if you're in the same job with the person who was a bully in high school, would you be friends with, with or not? How do you do it in this situation?

[Damien Haas]

Wow.

[Courtney Miller]

I mean, I think it's also like a, a thing where it's like, how many years out of high school is this? I mean, people, people are entirely different. People from high school out, like, I would, I would give the person a chance, I guess, but that's tough if they're just like a big piece of shit in high school. I would Say you're not required to be friends with somebody at a job, and in many cases it could be detrimental. And if you already know that they were a bully, I don't know, you don't need to be friend. You don't need to be friends with somebody at work.

[Damien Haas]

It also depends, I think, on what kind of bully we're talking about. Bullying of any kind is not okay. But there are some people that, like, actively go out of their way to, like, ruin your life and be like, hey, what's up? Whatever nickname I've come up for you every single day. And then they push you down. Or there's someone who's just like, yeah, that dude was kind of, like, weird to me in high school. I would consider them a bully. Sometimes the latter, people don't realize they're doing it. Teenagers are just awful in so many ways. And so for that very reason, if it's that kind and they weren't actively going out of their way to ruin your life, I would give them a chance. Like you said, at the same time, like you. Like you said, Ian, it's okay to not be friends with people at your job. But I think the thing I would want to avoid weight is treating them a little bit less properly than you would with another employee, because then it falls on you, unfortunately, like, if you say to someone at a job, like, like, why are you treating Greg weirdly? It's like, oh, well, he bullied me in high school. You're going to come across as like, okay, do we need to talk about this with hr? Like, it's unfortunate, but sometimes bullies don't always get what's coming to them. You just have to be as. You can only control yourself in that situation.

[Courtney Miller]

And I think, you know, they found, you know, a lot of bullies are bullies because of things that are going on back at home. Sure, maybe they escaped a not great environment after high school. You know, maybe they're better people. Maybe they've come to terms with their behavior. They've improved. And I think it's. I think it's good to give somebody the benefit of the doubt.

[Damien Haas]

Doesn't mean you immediately have to, like, forgive them. Because, like, I know when someone is mean to you in high school and does whatever they do do, that affects you forever. Like, it's. It sucks. It really does. And it. It sticks with you. But you do have control over what you do now. And hopefully, hopefully they've changed somehow.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah, it's gotta be. That's a difficult one.

[Damien Haas]

That's A tricky one.

[Mari Takahashi]

I, I think it's just an exercise of can you rise above it? Can you lead by example? Can you be bigger than that? That, you know, that event and that experience and that person and can you lead with compassion? It's hard. I mean, we're not all the Dalai Lama, you know, it's like, I think it's an exercise and I think it's nuanced because we don't understand what the relationship is like now. But just know that there are layers and, you know, who knows, maybe that person feels really guilty about it and they aren't ready to communicate and say sorry just yet. So there's probably a lot of layers to it.

[Damien Haas]

That interesting, you know? Yeah. What if our next tweet is like, hey, how do I apologize to a co worker who I used to bully and I school? Like, it's. That's an interesting thought.

[Mari Takahashi]

And, and it goes back to communication.

[Courtney Miller]

Right.

[Mari Takahashi]

It's just asking the hard question.

[Damien Haas]

All your life's problems solved with communication.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, surprisingly a lot of these are just solved with just being honest and communicating. I mean, that's, that's most problems in this gosh darn world.

[Damien Haas]

Well, what can we take from that though? Like the fact that everybody's problems are so different, but it all boils down to that one thing. Like, how do you day to day work on that as a muscle and build that? Like, I'm honestly asking.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Well, here's one that maybe can't be fixed with communication. Hannah. Hannah M. Bunch of numbers. This one's funny. I mean, funny for me. I'm constantly third wheeling one of my best friends and his girlfriend and it's really uncomfy. Like literally right now I'm just sitting on my phone while they are canoodling. Help.

[Mari Takahashi]

Oof.

[Courtney Miller]

Oof.

[Damien Haas]

I think we can gauge from this question that you are most likely in high school, and if not, then your friends are a little bit immature. Nothing wrong with hanging out with a couple. There's no such thing as necessarily being the third wheel. When you're all adults, you're just hanging out and having fun. But if they're just like, hey, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you. Like, that's gross and weird. So it might behoove you to communicate that you would love that your time with them is. Oh, what was that?

[Courtney Miller]

No, nothing.

[Damien Haas]

Oh, sorry. You looked up like a. Like a bush baby.

[Courtney Miller]

No.

[Damien Haas]

So it might, it might behoove you to, I don't know, communicate that when you're with them, you'd love it to be a little bit more involved for everybody and then you'll give them more space and more time for them to be on their own when that time comes. But again, if you're on the younger side, they may not take that properly. They're like, can you believe Hannah? She's acting so crazy. I'm sorry. I don't know. I wish I had more for this. I just started talking now.

[Courtney Miller]

Here.

[Mari Takahashi]

No, I think it's. It's. It is good advice at its, like, it does get better, Right. I feel like I've been a third wheel on many, many dates, and it doesn't feel like the date in me. Like, it feels like three people hanging out. They might be in a relationship, but it's not like they're making out in front of me.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Mari Takahashi]

And so, yeah, like you said, that's an adult three wheel relationship.

[Courtney Miller]

Totally.

[Damien Haas]

Last time I went to Japan, it was with Kevin and his wife, Lacy and me. And it wasn't like, oh, yeah, I'm going with my buddy and his wife. It was like three friends. And, you know, that's an adult way to do things.

[E]

I mean, yeah, Lacy. Lacy was a third wheel on that one. Let's be.

[Damien Haas]

That's true. Well, we kept holding hands, you and.

[Courtney Miller]

I, but then at a point. At a point you broke off.

[Damien Haas]

Right. But it wasn't because they were like, smooching and being like, hi, honey bear. Like, it was because I desperately enjoy my alone time and wanted to explore the world alone in an incredibly safe country.

[Courtney Miller]

Maybe, Hannah, if. If you. If you think this is uncomfortable, maybe you should just stop third wheeling. Like, they. Maybe they don't have a problem with it. But if. But if you're uncomfortable by it, you don't need to hang out with them when they're both together. Like, if you want to just hang out with your friend, be like, hey, what are you doing today? And he's like, oh, I'm hanging out with my girlfriend. We're probably gonna like, canoodle for, you know, watch a movie and canoodle. You're like, okay, cool. Just let me know, like, when you want to hang out. Just like you and me. Like, if you want to do something, just you and me, be like, well, you know, if it's like the three of us is. Am I intruding?

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. Do you guys want a little bit of space? Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Like, maybe they're like newly dating, so they're just like all over each other and I love you. No, I love you and. Yeah, I don't want to be around for that. Of course.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm going to be reminded of my. My singleness.

[Damien Haas]

Yucky. Ew, they're smooching.

[Courtney Miller]

So I think, Hannah, the ultimate advice is to get yourself a partner and out canoodle your friend.

[Mari Takahashi]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Courtney Miller]

Over canoodle him.

[Damien Haas]

From licensed marriage and family counselor.

[Courtney Miller]

Yep.

[Damien Haas]

Ian from Smosh.

[Courtney Miller]

That's right. Okay, so here's this. Here's this next one on the dating world.

[Damien Haas]

Whoa.

[Courtney Miller]

Alex. Phasma said, I just got a dating app for the first time and I'm not that great at convos. Any advice?

[Damien Haas]

Take it away, my dude.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

So, Mari, you've never used a dating app? Never ever before. Because the Internet didn't exist when you started dating. Peter.

[Mari Takahashi]

No, 64 years ago, when we started dating. Yeah, yeah, no, it didn't exist, exist.

[Damien Haas]

Just stuck out of time. Ageless being. That's the new lore around. Mari.

[Mari Takahashi]

Just two time lords, two time words.

[Courtney Miller]

Damien, have you.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, actually, I was in a two and a half year relationship with a girl that I met on Tinder. And other than that, I've used dating apps a little bit, but never went on more than a couple dates with any girl that I met on there. So it was literally either the longest relationship I've ever had or just, like, didn't go anywhere. Um, got nothing against them. It's. It's tricky to get a conversation started, for sure.

[Courtney Miller]

I think for me, it's like if the conversation starts, if, you know, you connect with the person, make a little funny conversation, whatever, but really, like, get down to, like, core values. For me, it's like, I kind of get a couple things out of the way, but I don't want to have a 30. A 30, like, message long conversation. If I think that their values sort of line up, then I just want to meet them.

[Damien Haas]

Interesting.

[Courtney Miller]

Conversation over text is not a real conversation. I agree. And you can't get a real feel for the person until you actually meet them face to face. I think that's a. That's a big issue. Some people just continue to text on there and then they meet the person and then they have all these, like, sort of, like preconceived notions of who the person is. Or maybe. Or maybe they're like, well, I already put this much time into it, so I need to, like, see it out.

[Damien Haas]

Interesting.

[Courtney Miller]

Like, no, you just need to, like, go, like, just make the conversation as short as possible and be like, hey, do you want to meet up, like, do you want to get some coffee? Do you want to get a drink? Do you want to get some food? Do you want to, you know, do this, whatever, Just pitch something and just set a date?

[Damien Haas]

That's really interesting because I hearing that now that makes total sense. And like, looking back at the times I've used dating apps, I'm like, oh, yeah, I probably should have done that. But at the same time, I always feel like for the safety of both parties, like, I imagine, especially as a woman being on the Internet, being like, hope this guy's not a murderer or whatever, like, jumping into that quickly, like, do you want to meet up? Like, how do you not come across spooky?

[Courtney Miller]

Well, you, you pitch a public place. Well, yeah, yeah, I, I mean, like, I'll. Generally, I've. I've left it up to the woman to decide where. I'm like, I'm like, hey, do you want to like, do. Like I always pitch a coffee in case their, you know, drink sounds a little too you.

[Damien Haas]

You know, there's implications.

[Courtney Miller]

Exactly.

[Damien Haas]

Smooching.

[Courtney Miller]

Women aren't dumb. Like, they, they can do their own research. Like, if, if they want. Like, I've, I've, you know, gone on dates with, with girls that are like, oh yeah, I looked you up to, like, make sure you weren't a psycho. I was like, okay, yeah, like, I think that's, that's just what you have to do. Although there have been a couple people that have, like, we can go to this place near, near my place. Just show up at my place and we'll just walk over there. And I had to be like, hey, don't do that. That's not safe because you don't know who I am. Like, I could be a. I could be a creep. And you just gave me your address. Don't. So that's the biggest advice I can give, ladies and men. Don't give a stranger your address.

[Damien Haas]

That's very true.

[Courtney Miller]

You don't know who they are, really.

[Mari Takahashi]

Unless they're the murderer and they're trying to lure you in.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I know that's true, but I didn't go into their place. I stayed outside.

[Damien Haas]

Like, that's funny. This looks an awful lot like an abandoned warehouse. And they're like, haha, yeah, I get that hipster right? Anyway, come on in.

[Courtney Miller]

I think. Yeah, for me, like, it also weeds out the people that aren't serious about. About it. Like, some people, they're just playing a game.

[Damien Haas]

Oh yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

On apps, like, they just want to have the conversation and get the endorphin rush of like, ooh, this person liked me.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

So there's been times when, like, I had, like, a fun little teeny, tiny conversation. I'm like, hey, like, let's meet up. And then silence. I'm like, cool.

[Damien Haas]

That actually the one bit of advice, because that all actually is great advice. The one bit of advice I can also contribute from my limited time on dating apps is whatever stigma you have about D apps. Like, don't people just want to always hook up? Don't people always want to whatever. There's every type of person on dating apps and they all want different things and something will line up with what you want. Yes, there are people that only want hookups, but if that's not what you want, there are also the people there who are like, maybe just like you. Like, they've never had a dating app before. Their friends are like, come on, Bethany, just download Tinder for a minute. Okay, maybe I'll meet someone nice. And then you're both there being like, hi. This is so weird. Right? I don't know. But you would both ideally, like a relationship, like someone exactly like you is on there. Don't be afraid of recognizing when someone's going to want something different and moving on.

[Courtney Miller]

That's. That's the thing. I'll get off it. Get off it, get off it.

[Damien Haas]

Come on now. Get off it. I'm ready for Australian or. Oh, England in it. Oh, would you. Would your head be turned, love? I don't know. It's like early days, isn't it? Love Island. Yes. Australia. No, not Australia.

[Courtney Miller]

So NAT V97 asked how to motivate yourself to go back to the gym. I used to go a lot. Currently I haven't gone in five years, months. I need to go back.

[Damien Haas]

I'm there myself.

[Courtney Miller]

I think a big, A big part of it's building a routine. Like, like she said she used to go a lot and she hasn't gone in five months. It's. It's so much like once you start going and you build a routine for yourself. As humans, we're very like habitual kind of routine animals. So once you, once you kind of like start to build that, I think it's a lot easier to go if you just commit to going for a lot of people. Like, eating better also encourages, like, that cycle of, of going to the gym as well. That's me. But at the. I'm at the same point where, like, I was traveling, going on dates instead of going to the gym. So I've I've been. I've been out of. I've been out of the loop as well. We got to get back to the gym, boy.

[Damien Haas]

We got to do it, my dude. Because that's the thing. Like, everything Ian just said, you know the answer. That all makes sense. Everyone's like, eat better. Sleep well. Go to the gym. But, like, there's advice that you hear, and you're like, yeah, I know. But sometimes you actually have to let yourself hear it. Like, really? You have to, in that moment, be like, hey, right in this exact moment, I have the power to go to the gym. I am tired. I don't feel like I had a good meal. I had such a long day at work. In that moment, that is the time where you have to do it. How do you start going back to the gym? You do it once, because once you show yourself, oh, wait, I can go even though I'm tired. I can go even though I'm a little bit hungry and my tummy's a little off. Like, that's when you get back into the routine. And it is very much a routine. I used to be at the point where if I missed going to the gym a couple days a week, I would be like, I feel awful. It sucks. Now I haven't been in the gym in a few months, and I have no problem with it, but I just need to decide, hey, today is the day. I go, maybe today, maybe after work Today we're going to film, like, seven videos. Today. I'm going to be so tired. But that's always going to be my life. So let's.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm just going to go, I think also find a gym buddy. Find a friend that. That is in the same position as you.

[Damien Haas]

No one goes to my gym.

[Courtney Miller]

Find, like, find somebody that can hold you accountable. If you're going to find, like, a gym buddy, you don't have to, like, work out next to them. Just be like, hey, meet you there at this time. Great. Maybe I'll pick you up. Maybe you'll pick me up. And you guys just go there. You don't have to see each other while you're there. You just need to get there. And once you're there, you kind of have to work out.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. Shane and I used to go to the same gym, and it was so much easier knowing I'd be like, oh, yeah, I'll see you there at, like, 4. And then we would never work out together because Lord knows he's way stronger than I am. But it would still be this moment. Of like, hey, good to see you. Well, I'm going to get back to my set.

[Courtney Miller]

Also, the gym isn't the only way to get exercise. You could. And Mari, obviously you haven't said anything yet. And I know that there's a lot you can say because you've done a lot of different things, but it's, you know, I don't know if you live near the ocean, but surfing is like, probably one of the best workouts you can get. Rock climbing, aerial, you know, there's a million different ways of getting, of getting an exercise. Pole dancing, the best.

[Mari Takahashi]

So good.

[Courtney Miller]

And you could speak to all those things. It's. It's really about finding your sort of like, flow. Like finding something that you're. That you're excited to do and maybe you just haven't found that specific thing.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah, because the gym is something. I hate the gym. I absolutely despise it. I get so bored within minutes. I feel like I don't know what to do with a kettle bell. If someone's not telling me what to do with it, I have to play. Like, that's the. I have to trick myself into to working out. And that's me. And everyone's different. There. There are people who can go to a gym and be like, all right, I'm doing 25 sets of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they know they have a regimen. And if you work that way, work that way. If you don't, there's so many other options you can get. Just try out a class here and there. And maybe you're gonna really like, like exercise hip hop classes. Maybe you just want to go on TikTok and find a ton of dance videos and do it that way. Maybe you just want to do. Just dance, you know, maybe you just want to do 10p and 10 burpees in the morning. It takes you less than five minutes. And that is a start. But I think it's a journey. And, you know, like, we've all been on very different journeys. And you know, for me, I went from dancing 8 to 10 hours every single day. Well, except for weekends, so like six days a week, to an extremely sedentary life. When I was at Smosh games and I was perfectly happy just sitting around for eight to ten hours at work. And now I've found a balance where I sit around and play video games a lot still at home, I like to move. I just, I want to. And sometimes if I don't want to go, you know, like, work out, work out, then I'll go to a park.

[Damien Haas]

That's cool.

[Mari Takahashi]

And then there's a jungle gym. And it makes you really tired after, like, 10 minutes on a jungle gym. That's funny. But, yeah, it depends on the type of person you are sometimes, you know, if you're really analytical and straight strategic, you can just print out, like, a regimen and just stick by that and it'll be dope. I'm. I'm on this, like, cult fix for a place called F45 right now because they don't have a mirror. You just work out to, like, a. Like the window.

[Damien Haas]

How do you stare at yourself?

[Mari Takahashi]

I can't. I hate it.

[Courtney Miller]

You don't like looking at yourself at a gym?

[Mari Takahashi]

I don't.

[Damien Haas]

That's the whole point of going to the gym. So you can just sort of like, check yourself in the mirror. A little bit.

[Mari Takahashi]

Too many years of ballet and just looking at myself and judging.

[Damien Haas]

Can't imagine.

[Mari Takahashi]

I can't actually.

[Damien Haas]

I can't imagine.

[Courtney Miller]

Kevin, what's your workout advice?

[Damien Haas]

Yeah. Because you're the shredder for multiple reasons.

[E]

Workout advice is the body knows. Always listen to the body. So when you go and you're going hard, if it feels like you don't need to go as hard, don't go as hard because you don't want to hurt yourself. And form over weight.

[Damien Haas]

Yes, that's the big one.

[Courtney Miller]

Form is so big because you could.

[E]

Go lift big weights, but if your form is bad, you'll break your body. Case in point, example, I just deloaded my weights recently because my form, my foot was off, so I'm not lifting as heavy as I was, but my form is on point. Oh, yes.

[Courtney Miller]

Hell, yeah.

[Damien Haas]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Courtney Miller]

I think. I think that is a. That is a big thing. A lot of people, especially people that are getting back into working out, they're like, I need to get. I need to lose weight. I need to get ripped. And they just go freaking hard for like a week and then they injure themselves.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, you can't do it.

[Mari Takahashi]

And then you stop working out and then you start six months.

[Courtney Miller]

Yep.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

I'm very guilty of that.

[Courtney Miller]

I think. I think we're all. We've all kind of been there where we go a little. We get a little too excited. We want immediate results. And we're not thinking. We're not thinking. Instead of like, I need to look hot by summer, you like, I think it's probably more. I think it's probably better to think. I want to be mobile at 60.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

You know, like I want to, I want to be able to still be able to run, not have bad knees when I'm 60. I want to be able to travel when I'm 70. Like we should be thinking longevity, like, like just the long, long game. Not I need to have gigantic biceps and be able to lift a car.

[Mari Takahashi]

A thousand percent agree with you. It's not how you look. We should be thinking about how do we feel.

[Damien Haas]

That's true, that's true. And you know, even if you do have a little bit of a vanity goal along with that, that's only human, that's only natural. But it all comes with it. You can have it all by focusing on the health and how you feel. And if you feel healthy, odds are you're probably going to look a little bit more trim or healthy as, as well.

[Courtney Miller]

But I want to look like JLo at 50, dude.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, right, dude.

[Mari Takahashi]

She's a dancer.

[Damien Haas]

Do you guys know the rock is 80.

[Mari Takahashi]

Is an actual rock. He's graphite.

[Damien Haas]

He's literally lightning struck a boulder and out of it he walked. And that is how he was born.

[Courtney Miller]

So that does it for the advice cast. I want to finish off the the podcast with a fun little thing that we're calling Shoot dude where you guys have submitted some stories that may that make us go Shoot dude. So this one comes from a former Spencer's employee. And I'm just going to read this one.

[Mari Takahashi]

Spencer's the store.

[Damien Haas]

The store Spencer's Gifts.

[Courtney Miller]

So. So Spencer's Gifts, if you. If those that are not. Are not in the know is like a novelty store. Has a lot of gag gifts. Just silly stuff.

[Damien Haas]

Also like lava lamps and everything that's lava lamp adjacent like that circle plate that has like lightning going across it. If you press it it's like oh, the lightning's going to my fin. Like that.

[Mari Takahashi]

The store, a lot of like irreverent shirts like your mom's hot and stuff.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah, Stacy's mom has got it going on your mom.

[Courtney Miller]

It's also the place that, you know, Ace family went to and thought it was funny to have their little tiny toddler daughter suck on like a penis lollipop or whatever. What? Yeah, they thought it was funny.

[Mari Takahashi]

Oh no.

[Courtney Miller]

Ace family.

[Damien Haas]

Yeesh.

[Courtney Miller]

Anyway, so this person used to work at Spencer's. So they. It goes like this. So the story begins a few years ago when I was but a naive 22 year old working at Spencer's Gifts as a manager. I was by myself when a woman walks in with a man on a leather dog. Leash casually trailing behind her. To say I was caught off guard is an understatement, but hey, I'm not one. I guess to kink shame. So as a man on a leash. Okay, I don't know if he's on all fours, but I'm assume he. He was. Their visit was pretty normal until it came time to pay. When the woman said, oh, I forgot my wallet. Would you care to watch him for me while I. While I went to the car and grab it and proceeded to hand me the leash, Everything went in slow motion in my head. I thought, customers are always right. And I just said, sure, and I took it from her. So she took the leash. So now she is in possession of a man in a leash. Then she goes on to say she left. And this man is just staring me down, not saying a word. But I can't stand the silence, so I offer him some cookies. I hid behind the register. That's when more customers decided to walk in. They get up to the register and all they see is me holding a man's leash while he gives me a what the fuck, you're crazy look while I'm feeding him Oreos, I have zero filter. And tell these ladies, if you give me a minute to tie him up, I can be right with you.

[Damien Haas]

That's. That's really funny.

[Courtney Miller]

Needless to say, they didn't want help and left because that's the normal thing to do in that situation. The man's owner comes back soon and after. Comes back soon after and thanks me for watching him and asks if he was good, like he was her poodle. I tell her he was because I wasn't gonna lie to her. And he was very well behaved because my experience with Leashman is limited. And I thought he was.

[Mari Takahashi]

You're not supposed to give Oreos to poodles.

[Damien Haas]

That's true. Who's cleaning that up? Look.

[Mari Takahashi]

That's a great story.

[Courtney Miller]

Well, that's a big old shoot, dude.

[Damien Haas]

I'm not one for kink shaming, but don't make someone else do something. Don't make them.

[Courtney Miller]

Can you hold on to my. My man. Man pet?

[Mari Takahashi]

Yeah. It's like you're the dom now.

[Courtney Miller]

Wow.

[Damien Haas]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay.

[Damien Haas]

Working retail sucks.

[Mari Takahashi]

I feel like it.

[Damien Haas]

Really?

[Courtney Miller]

That's one takeaway we can have. Working retail sucks.

[Damien Haas]

Yep.

[Mari Takahashi]

You know, I think a Spencer store is probably the best place that that could have happened.

[Courtney Miller]

Or Hot Topic.

[Mari Takahashi]

Or Hot Topic. Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

I don't. I feel like.

[Mari Takahashi]

Imagine being in a Walgreens, and you're like, this is happening.

[Damien Haas]

Now I like, I hate the obsession with the, like, the customer is always right, because that's never been used to anyone's advantage who is not a total piece of crap. Like, it's literally like, when I worked retail, this woman was trying to, like, return shoes that had a stain on them that were like 2 years old. And she was literally just constantly like, well, I'm. Customer's always right. I demand speak to your manager. Do I have to get corporate on the phone? It was like, Karen, energy times a thousand. We need to get rid of the customer is always right policy. It's like, hey, maybe sometimes they're wrong. And maybe it's okay to look a customer in the eyes and. And say, hey, I'm not doing that. And then they don't have power to do anything. And when they call corporate go. Corporate goes, you were going to try to make them hold a man on a leash, maybe? Don't do that, you piece of garbage.

[Courtney Miller]

I would have said yes.

[Damien Haas]

I would have held them just for the story.

[Courtney Miller]

No, I mean, I would have just. I'm just too nice to say no.

[Mari Takahashi]

I would say just to someone's like, hold this.

[Courtney Miller]

I don't know if I'd feed them Oreos, though. That's really funny.

[Mari Takahashi]

I think I would just ask, what's going on? I would be like, sure, I can hold. I can. I can do that for you. And then. And be like, so is she your dom? What's this like? Yeah, you know, I. I think I would just ask questions.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Damien Haas]

I would say, I. Our store has a pet policy, and I understand that if this is your service animal, you're going to need to take them with you, because if they're not with you, they're no longer a service animal vest.

[Mari Takahashi]

And they wear. And they're like, now I'm on duty.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Well, that was the advice. Cast, let us know if you guys want to see more of this. Also, the next time we do it, please submit your advice question. Mari, Damian, thank you so much for delivering some wonderful advice.

[Damien Haas]

You got it.

[Mari Takahashi]

Yay.

[Courtney Miller]

If somebody ever hands you a leashed person, maybe say no, just say no.

[Damien Haas]

I'm not doing that.

[Courtney Miller]

And also, if you want to submit your shoot, dudes, all you have to do is email shootdudemosh.com you got more weird people unleashed stories. Yeah, too bad we already did one.

[Damien Haas]

We started there. Where is this column gonna go?

[Courtney Miller]

Segment gonna be like, you think you gotta shoot, dude. Submit it. All right, well, thank you so much. My favorite coffee still exists. Get some cuz it's still delicious as all heck. Smosh that store get all the new sort of merch. Damian, don't. Damian is wearing a nice little sweater right there. And anyway, we'll see you guys later. Thank you guys so much.

[Mari Takahashi]

Bye.

[Damien Haas]

Me.

[Mari Takahashi]

Almost passed out.

[Damien Haas]

Me neither.