S2: #60 - The Worst Video Ideas We’ve Ever Had

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth - S2: #60 - The Worst Video Ideas We’ve Ever Had

Release Date: April 22, 2020

Introduction

In the 60th episode of "Smosh Mouth," the hosts—Shayne Topp (Shane), Courtney Miller, Amanda Lehan-Canto (Tall), and rotating friends—delve into a hilarious and self-deprecating exploration of the worst video ideas they've ever conceived. Stripping away the polished content that Smosh is known for, the episode offers listeners an unfiltered glimpse into the creative missteps and comedic flops that never made it to production.

Segment 1: Introducing the Worst Video Ideas

The episode kicks off around the 12-minute mark, where Shane introduces the main segment aimed at unearthing and sharing the most cringe-worthy and abandoned video concepts from their archives.

Shane Top [12:40]: "Sketches, tweets, Vines, TikToks. Just any ideas that we ever had that have never and probably will never see the light of day."

Segment 2: Host Contributions

Shane's Saran Wrap Struggle

Shane leads the charge by sharing one of his all-time bad ideas—a simple yet relatable sketch about struggling to cut Saran Wrap.

Keith Leak Jr. [14:26]: "I have one titled Saran Wrap, and the only thing I wrote was a video about one of us struggling to cut Saran Wrap."

Courtney echoes the sentiment, highlighting the universal frustration with Saran Wrap.

Courtney Miller [15:19]: "Yes. That's funny, though. That's so relatable. That's got to be."

Courtney's History of Table Flips

Courtney reminisces about a college improv sketch titled "The History of Table Flips," where historical figures engage in the absurd act of flipping tables in frustration.

Courtney Miller [18:22]: "Imagine the Last Supper with Jesus of Nazareth... It's like whenever anybody said anything that was like mildly bs, I'd be like, oh, and pretend to flip a table."

Keith's Nature-Themed Music Video Fail

Keith shares his failed concept for a nature-themed music video that hilariously backfires as the characters can’t stand being around nature.

Keith Leak Jr. [22:06]: "A music video about how great nature is. Two people singing about it... but it's obvious that the people singing the song can't stand to be around nature because it's gross and disgusting."

Segment 3: Analyzing the Flops

The hosts collectively analyze why these ideas never took off, often citing the overcomplication or sheer absurdity as primary culprits. Their discussions are peppered with laughter and self-deprecation, making the segment both entertaining and relatable.

Ian Hecox [25:35]: "Superheroes have to go to the DMV too."

DMV Superhero Sketch

A sketch idea where even superheroes like Batman must endure mundane tasks such as visiting the DMV, humorously highlighting the juxtaposition between their extraordinary lives and ordinary responsibilities.

Shane Top [27:16]: "I think the nice thing about doing the podcast from home is that I can crap myself and it's not gonna be a problem ultimately for anyone."

Segment 4: Shared Laughter Over Terrible Ideas

The camaraderie among the hosts fosters an environment where the worst ideas become the highlights of the episode. They frequently reference each other's contributions, building on the humor of their collective creative failures.

Shane Top [35:05]: "But these are amazing sketches."

Courtney Miller [42:35]: "It's like if someone was about to jump off a bridge and they're like, oh, what are we in line for?"

Segment 5: The Impact of Poor Ideas

Beyond laughter, the hosts reflect on the learning experiences derived from these failed ideas. They discuss how even the worst concepts can pave the way for better, more refined content.

Keith Leak Jr. [37:01]: "10 pictures of my balls. Very close picture number one."

Shane Top [41:32]: "It's a great sketch. That's my favorite sketch."

Segment 6: Closing Thoughts and Future Prospects

As the episode winds down, Shane emphasizes the value of revisiting old ideas, no matter how bad, as a means of growth and inspiration. He encourages listeners to embrace their own creative missteps.

Shane Top [55:34]: "This is a great idea, Shane. Thank you. Thank you."

Notable Quotes

• Shane Top [27:16]: "It’s a choice. I could leave any time."

• Courtney Miller [49:05]: "Wrong answers only."

• Keith Leak Jr. [38:18]: "If sea animals had eggs."

Conclusion

"S2: #60 - The Worst Video Ideas We’ve Ever Had" serves as a comedic treasure trove of Smosh's most outlandish and abandoned concepts. Through candid sharing and infectious laughter, the hosts turn their creative failures into a memorable episode that underscores the importance of embracing imperfection in the creative process. For fans and newcomers alike, this episode offers both humor and a humanizing look at the behind-the-scenes challenges of content creation.

Transcript

[Courtney Miller]

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[Shane Top]

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[Courtney Miller]

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[Courtney Miller]

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[Shane Top]

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[Damien Haas]

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[Courtney Miller]

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[Damien Haas]

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[Shane Top]

No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law 21 terms and cond.

[Ian Hecox]

Ramble.

[Shane Top]

That was always Damian's thing. Even if we had, like, actual food, Damian would just always, like, make some concoction that he would eat.

[Courtney Miller]

I call it Bachelor Chow.

[Ian Hecox]

I always, like, feel like it's nice to get your opinion out there, but I really like keeping my Twitter just, like, just funny, dumb stuff.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I have one titled Saran Wrap, and the only thing I wrote was a video about one of us struggling to cut Saran Wrap.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes.

[Ian Hecox]

Extreme hiker bundled up in their mummy sleeping bag, but still threatening to beat your ass.

[Shane Top]

Modern day Monty Python.

[Courtney Miller]

Get over there.

[Shane Top]

I'll kick your ass.

[Courtney Miller]

You can't kick my ass. You're stuck in there. I'm not stuck.

[Shane Top]

This is a choice.

[Courtney Miller]

It's a choice. I could leave any time.

[Shane Top]

I think the nice thing about doing the podcast from home is that I can crap myself and it's not gonna be a problem ultimately for anyone. I mean, I could. I might have. I might have pooped my pants already. And there's no way you're gonna know.

[Courtney Miller]

I don't know, man. Zoom is pretty good. They. They have a smell feature probably.

[Shane Top]

Smell feature. You have a smell. If there was a smell feature on these things, would you subscribe to it? Would you? No.

[Courtney Miller]

Why? I hate smelling you anyway. You smell like pepper.

[Ian Hecox]

Pepper.

[Shane Top]

Pepper.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

But what if there is a wet Doug?

[Courtney Miller]

I. I don't want that.

[Shane Top]

Then. Then, yeah, wet dog.

[Ian Hecox]

Guys, wet dog doesn't smell that bad. Honestly.

[Courtney Miller]

I like wet dog smells bad. And my cat smells like pee pee, so. Animals are bad.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, you should give your. You should get some. You should get some like of those cleaning wipes for pets. Those are.

[Courtney Miller]

I use it.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Have you ever thought about.

[Courtney Miller]

She still smells like pee pee.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Have you ever thought about not peeing on your cat?

[Courtney Miller]

No. No. This is America. Oh, no, I'm not going to say that. Even as a joke. That's clearly not worked well for people in the past. I've never peed on my. Never did not pee on my.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God. Well, guys, we are. Thanks for joining me for another episode of the Smosh cast. Having fun with my boys edition.

[Courtney Miller]

You got a champion.

[Ian Hecox]

I really want to ask right now, how do you guys take your coffee these days?

[Courtney Miller]

It's funny you ask because I just changed. I used to be a cream and sugar boy. As of three days ago, I've started doing black coffee because I'm like, if I'm going to be a total glutton at home and just eating snacks constantly, I. I have to pick my poison somewhere. So no more cream and sugar for me.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Wow, bro. Respect.

[Shane Top]

I could drink black coffee. The problem is my teeth get stained really easily, so I put in a little bit of half and half just to try to mitigate that. It maybe doesn't do anything.

[Ian Hecox]

But I only. I can only take coffee black if I have like the, like, some pumps of sweetener in it and it's cold. I can't do hot black coffee.

[Shane Top]

Iced black coffee is really good.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Wait, Damien, is that the coffee that you're drinking right now? Is that my favorite coffee?

[Courtney Miller]

I wish, dude. So Ian was nice enough to send us each a box of my favorite coffee. The morning that it got to me, I had just opened up the, like, worst batch of, like, store brand coffee that I bought during quarantine times because it was literally all that was left on the shelf. But I also have a thing about wasting stuff. So I open it up, make the coffee, then open up the box I just got. And then there's a way better option, so I'll do it in a month.

[Ian Hecox]

I will say I am drinking my favorite coffee in my Brianna Boho mug.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

That was given to you on tour.

[Ian Hecox]

On tour? Yeah, I think it was in Portland. Was that where we got.

[Courtney Miller]

No, it was Arizona.

[Shane Top]

I think it was Arizona.

[Courtney Miller]

That gives this.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, I love this mug. It's a big boy mug. Like, I can. I can put a lot of coffee in it.

[Courtney Miller]

It's a large sun.

[Ian Hecox]

My favorite coffee is like. I mean, maybe I'm just. No, I think it's stronger than my other coffees. Like, it works well because I put the same amount.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

No matter what.

[Shane Top]

Well, the flavor could be more bold, that's for sure.

[Ian Hecox]

No, like, I feel my heart racing.

[Shane Top]

Huh.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

It's. It's possible. I've heard that, like, light roasted coffee has a little more caffeine, but I think it's such a nominal amount.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. I don't know. I think maybe just the other coffees I had were actual garbage.

[Shane Top]

I think Ian just sent you a bag of cocaine.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yes, I do that sometimes. Just to mix it up.

[Shane Top]

Just by accident.

[Courtney Miller]

Good old Colombian matcha, they call it.

[Ian Hecox]

Shane, you just put half and half. That's it?

[Shane Top]

Yeah, just a little bit of half and half. I don't like to get too crazy.

[Ian Hecox]

Half and half, I feel like, is like the. It's like it's nothing like, because there's, like, milk and then there's like oat milk and there's almond milk, and then like half and half is just like, I'm just here. Like, I don't know, because there's, like, no flavor.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, half and half is the centrists of dairy.

[Courtney Miller]

What I taste dairy flavors really strongly. Like, half and half to me is like, back in. When I. In my major glutton days, I used to take a little bit of half and half, a little bit of sugar, and just mix it up in a cup and just have a little treat.

[Shane Top]

I remember there was a time when it was. No, it was late at night back when Damian. I lived together, and my ex at the time was like, I'm really hungry. Is there anything to eat in your kitchen? And Damian turns around from the corner and just goes, well, if you guys are hungry, I could make you some vanilla milk. What? What is what?

[Courtney Miller]

It's called being a good roommate. I have extra vanilla milk. I'm going to give it to you. Shane.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

It's like a vanilla latte, but without the coffee.

[Shane Top]

That was always Damian's thing. Even if we had actual food, Damian would just always, like, make some concoction that he would eat like that.

[Courtney Miller]

I call it Bachelor chow.

[Ian Hecox]

Dude, that's literally that one episode of the Office where Michael Scott's like, Pam is like, do you have any coffee? And he's like, milk and sugar. And she's like, oh, great. And it's literally just milk and sugar.

[Shane Top]

Milk and sugar, yes.

[Ian Hecox]

She's like, do you drink this every day?

[Courtney Miller]

It's so good.

[Shane Top]

That's a medieval. That's a medieval drink right there. Yeah, like, you know, they used to actually just drink probably.

[Ian Hecox]

I don't doubt it. You know what? You're right. And for anybody to be drinking like the people did in medieval times. Dimmesdale, Dimmadome. Damien Haas is probably the guy to do that. That's me, Damien Dale Simmerdone. Ian, how do you take your coffee?

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I mean, I always. I always usually take it black. Unless. Unless I've, like, let the coffee sit Too long on the. If I like, if I did like the Mr. Coffee, which is like, you know, the coffee sits in the pot like hot plate. If you let it sit too long on there for like an hour or two.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, yeah.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

It gets like. I think because it like a lot of the water evaporates, so it just gets like really nasty. And then I'll. I'll spike it with some. With some milk.

[Shane Top]

You're about to just say, I don't know.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I said that.

[Shane Top]

Whiskey 40 go get like a crash before the podcast.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

But if you guys. Have you guys ever tried like a Vietnamese coffee before?

[Ian Hecox]

What's that?

[Shane Top]

I have.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

No, it's like. I think it's a espresso with condensed milk. Oh.

[Courtney Miller]

I want that in my body immediately. No, that's. That's whipped instant coffee.

[Ian Hecox]

Okay. And it's like a special name for it, but I don't feel like finding.

[Courtney Miller]

Pretty good.

[Ian Hecox]

It looks cool.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

The D, right?

[Ian Hecox]

It looks like the coffee we had in Australia when they make it, like when I would get the macchiato and stuff, it was like that thick. Like, look.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

The milk, I will say it is unlike any coffee thing you've ever had. Probably because it's sort of like they. They whip it in like weird shame. It's whipped in like a weird, like whipped cream kind of consistency and you let it like drip down into your almond milk or whatever. It's very weird. It's very good. It's strong. You're gonna like, see the flipping future after you drink it and just.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, that's funny, dude. The coffee in general made me. Oh, sorry. For. For the people who are only listening. Shane did a weird ass move with his chapstick.

[Courtney Miller]

I put.

[Shane Top]

I put chapstick on. That is all I did.

[Ian Hecox]

And it was so extra.

[Shane Top]

He made it in anime style.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes.

[Shane Top]

Many people will know there's a TikTok where a guy puts on chapstick in the most theatrical way, but he barely touches the chapstick to his lips. It's so good.

[Ian Hecox]

It's great.

[Shane Top]

It's so good.

[Ian Hecox]

Okay. With my coffee, I do caramel almond creamer usually. Or hazelnut. I love hazelnut.

[Courtney Miller]

Yum.

[Ian Hecox]

Not much, though. And then sometimes I have this thing that's cinnamon sugar. So it's like cinnamon and sugar mix that I'll just dust on top when things are normal again. I can't wait to roll through Starbucks and get my iced coffee with four pumps of vanilla or four pumps of hazelnut. Whichever. It's delicious.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

It's called dalgona Coffee.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, that's the thing. Yeah, I've seen the whip thing. Me and Olivia tried to make it in a live stream, like, a couple weeks ago, and it was.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Oh, yeah, it was. I feel like it's like one of those things where I don't think anyone. I mean, I never heard of it. I feel like nobody knew about it until the quarantine dude. And then all of a sudden, everyone's like, no, let's all do it. It's like one of those weird things.

[Ian Hecox]

It's every.

[Courtney Miller]

It's got to be TikTok. And I think it's interesting that our generation is getting something like TikTok during our, like, quarantine times. Like, I feel like every generation who's had to go through a major, major thing has come up with some invention out of pure necessity, like Dalgona Coffee, which sounds like a thing from Breath of the Wild, but, like, we're learning about it through TikTok so you don't have to, like, hear about it through your community. It's like the world all at once immediately knows it. And I know, like, yeah, with east and West Germany. There were those in East Germany who, like, when they were finally liberated, really missed the instant coffee that they had. That was the only instant coffee that existed in East Germany. They're like, we can't find it anymore. And I feel it's. It's wrong. Like, it's just funny. We're all going to miss our Dalgona after this.

[Ian Hecox]

That's crazy. I feel like TikTok is this new weird form of, like, word of mouth. Like, obviously it's social media, but it's like people are finding out just through videos. Like, I will say in quarantine, I've ordered two, at least two items. Like, one is a face mask, and then another is, like a face oil foundation. And then it's just because of TikTok videos or people reviewing on YouTube. Like, I reviewed all these items that people are obsessed with on TikTok, so you don't have to. And, like, I ordered multiple things from that, and they're great. I'm wearing the face oil foundation right now.

[Courtney Miller]

Like, amazing.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

And how does it feel?

[Ian Hecox]

It's really good. It's like, it was. It's super light. Cause I don't like wearing foundation anymore. So this is kind of just like a tinted moisturizer. And I've noticed after, like, screaming and laughing and eating and stuff, it doesn't, like, break up around my chin like it normally does, you know?

[Shane Top]

What?

[Ian Hecox]

I mean, don't you guys hate it when that happens?

[Courtney Miller]

I do.

[Shane Top]

I fucking hate it.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Hate it so much.

[Courtney Miller]

I do. A lot. Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. But so thanks for telling me how you guys take your coffee. I just was very curious. It's like one of those things that we don't really think about, and I like knowing weird little things like that about you guys. Ian, why are you looking at me like that?

[Keith Leak Jr.]

What do you mean?

[Courtney Miller]

He's FaceTiming you like a parent does. When they answer the phone, it's just like they're cheating.

[Ian Hecox]

Why are you. I'm walking.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Computer, can you see me?

[Ian Hecox]

Can you see.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I think you're frozen.

[Ian Hecox]

All right, well, let's move on to the next segment, which is going to be actually manned by a man.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Man, oh, man.

[Ian Hecox]

Led by Bob the Builder, if he was also a building. Shane Top.

[Shane Top]

All right, that's. There's a description.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes. And it. My dude.

[Ian Hecox]

I think I'm saying that because that was a draft in my Twitter and I think that works for whatever you're gonna lead today.

[Shane Top]

All right, so I was thinking. I was looking through my phone the other day and I came across a bunch of old sketch ideas that I'd written down that never got made. And I thought, wouldn't it be awesome to take this time to talk about or read out or whatever?

[Ian Hecox]

Yes.

[Shane Top]

Sketches, tweets, Vines, TikToks. Just any ideas that we ever had that have never and probably will never see the light of day. So we can just talk about them now and just laugh because I know I have plenty. I'm sure you guys do. Damien has told me ideas from, like.

[Courtney Miller]

You remember ideas that. I do not. That came from me.

[Shane Top]

I remember stuff that told me 10 years ago that never got made that I think is so funny. So I would love for us to just, like, I don't know, give. Give the listeners a taste of what insanity goes on in our brains that. That never makes it to the screen.

[Courtney Miller]

Nice.

[Ian Hecox]

Does anyone want. I need to go into my notes.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm gonna quickly hop in my notes in my photographs. But I do have a few.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I have a folder on my laptop.

[Shane Top]

Oh, snap.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Titled Unused Video Ideas, and it has 94 items in it.

[Shane Top]

Oh, my God.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

Wait, Arsa, how old do these go back, Ian?

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I mean, they go back like. Like, way back.

[Shane Top]

You're talking like. Like 2007 probably.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Actually, I'd have to order by. Let me order by date.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, man. I'm going through my drafts now, and these are dope. I'M gonna start tweeting a couple while we're doing this.

[Ian Hecox]

Do they have to be pit? Can they be pit? And C, it can be anything.

[Shane Top]

Any. Any ideas you had. Like, I have pit ideas that never got made. I have plenty of sketches. I have tweet drafts that I'm never gonna act like legitimately post.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Okay, so the oldest one I have on here is from 2008.

[Shane Top]

All right, so, Ian, save that for the end. So you guys are gonna get.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

The listeners.

[Ian Hecox]

Are any of these cancelable?

[Shane Top]

Yeah. Ian, are you able to read this sketch idea?

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

Okay.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

And let's disclaim real quick that these are old video ideas, and a lot of these videos maybe weren't made for a reason. So relax before anybody freaks out. I'm so ready to hear this.

[Shane Top]

But, dude, we get to hear an OG Smosh sketch that never made.

[Courtney Miller]

Hell, yeah.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah, there's a re. Like, even back then, we didn't make it, so, you know, it's gonna be real bad.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God. Amazing.

[Shane Top]

Yeah. Do we want to take turns?

[Ian Hecox]

I don't have nearly as many. I just have, like, inklings of some and then some that, like, got kind of far and we never did.

[Shane Top]

But, like, I got to hear.

[Ian Hecox]

So Ian's reading.

[Shane Top]

I'll go ahead.

[Ian Hecox]

I really want to hear.

[Shane Top]

I'll go ahead.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Just laughing because I have one titled. I have one titled Saran Wrap, and the only thing I wrote was a video about one of us struggling to cut Saran Wrap.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes. That's funny, though. That's so relatable. That's got to be.

[Shane Top]

And you know, that would have. You know, that would have trended in 2008.

[Ian Hecox]

That's such a Gus Johnson video today.

[Shane Top]

Mm.

[Ian Hecox]

Gus Johnson would have made that yesterday.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I don't even know what we were even going at there.

[Ian Hecox]

It's just funny.

[Shane Top]

That is some 2008 crap.

[Ian Hecox]

All right.

[Shane Top]

We have trouble cutting Saran Wrap. All right. It is a pain in the ass. All right, I'll go first. I'm going to read a couple tweets, drafts that I'm never going to make. So I have this one. This is from way back. It's probably from, like, two years ago. And it just says first date. Her. I'm really religious. I, like, love the Bible. Me. Oh, yeah, Same. Her. Really? What's your favorite verse? Me. Polynesians. 36. Pretty dumb. Pretty dumb.

[Ian Hecox]

I don't get it.

[Shane Top]

The one right beneath it is at a party. Me. Okay, let's go around and say what our religions are. Okay, I'll go first. I believe all animals can talk, but they just don't want to. What about you, Jeff? Jeff? Catholic.

[Courtney Miller]

You, like, reverse the punchline there. Like, you went with a wacky and then set up normalcy.

[Shane Top]

I like, yeah, just insanely dumb things. And then beneath that, I have something that just says fuck boy and Lava bitch.

[Ian Hecox]

So love that.

[Shane Top]

I don't know what.

[Ian Hecox]

Love that. I had that one sketch. I don't know if Shane, maybe you remember it, because I came to with it a lot and we were kind of getting excited about it, just kind of figuring out how we would do it. But remember, only 90s kids.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, yeah, I do remember that.

[Ian Hecox]

That.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

But like. But I still want to do that.

[Ian Hecox]

I mean, is it. Is it, like, topical still?

[Shane Top]

Like, the 90s are always topical.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, but only 90s kids.

[Courtney Miller]

I mean, that was a pretty specific meme, but it's not.

[Ian Hecox]

And it was. And it was, like, referencing things from the 90s, and then it starts referencing really messed up things from the 90s, and then Noah, like, goes insane in it.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah, I think. I think one of the things that. I think the reason why we never made it was because we never really could come to a conclusion on what to do with it. Because one of the things I wanted to do, like, towards the end of the song was start referencing all these things that didn't happen in the 90s.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, yeah. But I was down for that.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Only 90s kids, like, know this. Like, yeah, when?

[Ian Hecox]

And it's like photosynthesis facts.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Like, it's just all just like weird shit that never happened. Like. Yeah, like when Oprah killed that guy in Times.

[Ian Hecox]

I bet you on my old computer. I wonder if I have. Have the stuff.

[Shane Top]

Do you got the stuff you got?

[Ian Hecox]

Should I find it? Should I. I should open up my old laptop. I bet there's a bunch of dumb in there.

[Courtney Miller]

Hell yeah.

[Shane Top]

Hell yeah. Dude.

[Ian Hecox]

I'll be right back. Damien, do you want to start talking about yours? I'm sorry. I won't be.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I'm gonna hold off on, like, tweet drafts. I used to be in an improv troupe in college and I loved it. It was a really fun experience. And I did it for all the little while I was in college. And we did an annual sketch show. No semi annual schedule. We do two a year, sell out these big theaters. Like, we'd actually pack it with like 200 people, mostly our friends. But it was just a lot of fun. And so you could sort of do whatever because we were dumb and in college and it didn't matter. So my favorite one that never saw the light of day was when I started to dip into like historically specific knowledge that nobody could like, understand or find funny. And I wrote a sketch called the History of Table Flips. Like, it was a joke for me at the time. Like whenever anybody said anything that was like mildly bs, I'd be like, oh, and pretend to flip a table. So I wrote an entire sketch about it. It had three beats. The first being, of course, the last. No, it was a caveman situation. No lines, just screaming around a table and then flipping it. The second would be the Last supper with Jesus of Nazareth and there was a whole situation there. And then the third was either World War I or World War II where it was Allied powers just talking about stuff. And I'd have very specific names where it was. But Duke Wilhelm of Norway. Don't you think this. It's like, well, no, Denmark. I think this and wasn't funny like most sketches should be. So it did not see the light of day, But I was very proud at the time.

[Shane Top]

I'll say that sketch makes like, from your brain. That sketch makes a lot of sense.

[Courtney Miller]

Thanks.

[Shane Top]

I remember going to one of your sketch shows and the sketch that you had written was a sitcom where a kid finds a genie lamp and his mom becomes Tilda Swinton.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes, his mom is Tilda Swinton. His mom doesn't become Tilda Swinton. His mom just is Tilda Swinton. You know what I mean? So literally, like, it would be like, I come downstairs and I'm like, good morning, mom, Tilda Swinton. And then you'd hear like an audience laugh track. And she'd be like, I was in the Golden Compass. Did you see that movie? I'm like, oh, mom, Tilda Swinton. Then audience laugh track. And then I had a brother who came downstairs who kept finding poop and it was his. That's. That was the whole punchline. That was my college improv troupe. I've somehow grown and regressed at the same time.

[Shane Top]

So good.

[Damien Haas]

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[Courtney Miller]

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[Damien Haas]

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[Courtney Miller]

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[Keith Leak Jr.]

Chumba.

[Damien Haas]

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[Shane Top]

Void where prohibited by law. 21 plus terms and conditions apply.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah, should I throw a couple out?

[Shane Top]

Yeah, throw. Throw some. Some gold our way.

[Courtney Miller]

Golden Compass. Tilda Swinton.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

This one was from 2000. Well, I guess we wrote down a series of ideas that I. That I put on a text file that said video ideas 110 13. So I guess January 10th of 2013. So seven years ago, not that bad. That would have been still. We were still shooting in Sacramento. This was a music video about how great nature is. Two people singing about it. Not rap, more singing. Like the hair bat. Like a hair ballad or a Disney song shot in a forest, lake, or other nature areas. But it's obvious that the people singing the song can't stand to be around nature because it's gross and disgusting. Video starts to fall apart throughout the song as they all freak out over nasty stuff in nature.

[Ian Hecox]

Sounds like a modern, like, traveling vlog couple that hates nature.

[Shane Top]

This sounds very relevant to now.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, this holds up.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

They're trying to talk about how great nature is, but they're being bit by mosquitoes and walking through mud and touching trees and being attacked by bats and birds.

[Courtney Miller]

Was that inspired by, like, Insane Clown Posse magnets? Was it written around that time?

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Oh, yeah, probably.

[Courtney Miller]

I mean, the vibe I'm getting.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

2013. I mean, that's.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

Wow.

[Courtney Miller]

Wow.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I mean, nothing can beat the Saran Wrap video.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, I'm pretty excited about the Saran Wrap.

[Ian Hecox]

I love that.

[Shane Top]

I think you should make that sketch. That's the new Tinder for hot dogs.

[Ian Hecox]

Such a gold mine, guys. On my old computer, I actually ended.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Up pitching a bunch of these for the, like, rejected commercials that we did when we first came back to. First came back with mythical. So this was, like, it started out as rejected PSAs. There's this one that we didn't use that I have written on here, and it says, harry Styles looks to the camera. And I wrote in princes. Or it could be any sort of cool or masculine man. And Harry Styles says, hi, I'm Harry Styles, and today I'm here to talk to you about a subject that is dear to my heart. Then it says happy musical voice with a fun title card. And it just goes anal bleaching.

[Ian Hecox]

What? That's so. That is so.

[Shane Top]

I'm not surprised at all.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my goodness.

[Courtney Miller]

It's beautiful and I love it.

[Ian Hecox]

All right, who's next?

[Shane Top]

Courtney, I think you are.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, shit. Okay. I found. Okay. Sometimes when I like, if it's not a full sketch idea. I'll just think of a really funny back and forth of dialogue that I'll want to insert into a sketch somehow. So here's random quotes like this tastes like chewed up pigeon. Or this one is two people talking. Ew, did someone fart? And this one's like, I didn't. Did you? And the first person's like, no, this was definitely not me. This fart smells disgusting and I love the smell of my farts, so.

[Courtney Miller]

That'S amazing.

[Shane Top]

It just sounds like my brother.

[Ian Hecox]

I have one. Just a text just saying superheroes have to go to the dmv too.

[Shane Top]

Batman, straight up, does have to go to the dmv.

[Courtney Miller]

Like, Bruce Wayne has to go, hell, yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

Do you think the Batmobile?

[Ian Hecox]

His superpowers cannot help him there.

[Courtney Miller]

It's very similar to the next sketch I'm about to talk about.

[Ian Hecox]

Nice.

[Shane Top]

Weird.

[Ian Hecox]

I also had. Oh, we talked about doing this, but we just kind of. I think it just kind of gets forgotten. Hoarders camera roll edition.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, God, that's so good.

[Shane Top]

Holy crap.

[Courtney Miller]

So good.

[Shane Top]

That's really good.

[Ian Hecox]

The date referee.

[Shane Top]

That's kind of funny. Like dating fouls.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I feel like that's. That should be like an honest. Like, that should be a dating show on Netflix.

[Ian Hecox]

A date, like a referee, like helping the date along.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah. Like you get a foul or like a red flag or a yellow flag if you do something.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

That you shouldn't be doing on the date.

[Courtney Miller]

But I don't want them to, like, gently adjust the date. I want them to like, blow a whistle for, well, yeah. 30 full seconds.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Oh, yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Like, while they're just like right onto your food.

[Ian Hecox]

Just continuously.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes.

[Ian Hecox]

And then the last one I'll say for this turn is. Okay, so I think a year ago I needed to buy a sleeping bag to go hiking. And I just wanted like a simple sleeping bag. So I went to like, REI or one of those, like just one of those camping stores. And I was like, yeah, I just need a single person sleeping bag. It's going to be kind of cold. He's like, okay, this one is good for a 30 degree weather. And it's a single person. I was like, okay, cool. And I just bought it. I didn't really, like, look at it. So then I went, came with my friends and like, they have their normal, you know, it's like flat, like foldy sleeping bag. And then I get into mine and it's literally the tightest little, like, sarcophagus worm. Hate that sleeping Bag that literally can zip all the way up to your face.

[Shane Top]

That's awesome.

[Ian Hecox]

And so I was like. My friends were just laughing at me from across the tent as I'm like, wiggling and writhing around in my little sleeping bag.

[Shane Top]

The next morning, you were a butterfly.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. And so I put. I put this extreme hiker bundled up in their mummy sleeping bag, but still threatening to beat your ass. So, like, imagine a couple is, like, accidentally walking through the campsite. He's like, hey, what are you doing? What do you think you're doing, bro? And he's just like a worm on the ground. Like, I'll beat your ass. He's just like.

[Shane Top]

That's very, like modern day Monty Python.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Like, yeah, over there.

[Shane Top]

I'll kick your ass.

[Ian Hecox]

Just a flesh wound.

[Courtney Miller]

You can't kick my ass. You're stuck in there. I'm not stuck.

[Shane Top]

It's a choice.

[Courtney Miller]

It's a choice. I could leave any time. It's armor in it.

[Ian Hecox]

I'm nice and warm.

[Shane Top]

How are you gonna get over here?

[Ian Hecox]

I'm a wiggle.

[Shane Top]

I'm a wiggle over there.

[Courtney Miller]

I've learned from nature being out here.

[Shane Top]

A coyote's like, nipping at the sleep. He's like, oh, you know what?

[Ian Hecox]

Little toes off.

[Shane Top]

Watch him get eaten by animals.

[Ian Hecox]

A bear just drags him away. Okay.

[Courtney Miller]

They'd be like. They'd be like, do you need help? And he's like, I don't need help. Yeah, I trained him to do this. Trained him to eat you.

[Shane Top]

I did, I did. Of nature.

[Ian Hecox]

All right, who's next?

[Shane Top]

Okay, I think, is it you or is it me?

[Courtney Miller]

I believe it's me. After Courtney last time.

[Shane Top]

Okay, great.

[Courtney Miller]

This was the first sketch I ever pitched when joining that improv troupe. It is very timing based. So I'm going to talk about it. And it's not going to hit the same, but that's okay. So imagine the view from, like a tv, and it's just two roommates sitting there playing video games. Except one of them is clearly Batman in a full on, like, batsuit costume. Just incredibly, incredibly well done. It is clearly Batman. So I want like a minute and a half of you just hear no dialogue. Just like the lights on their face from the tv, the controller just clacking like a. Like a. Then eventually one turns the other and is like, hey, man, I gotta ask, are you Batman? And he goes, no. And he's like, all right. And that's the whole sketch. The alternate end is that you go for another minute of playing video Games. And then Batman grapples out the window for some reason.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, yeah. You see the. The little search light in the. Out in the window.

[Courtney Miller]

And then the roommate's still just like, I think he might be Batman. And that's the whole thing.

[Ian Hecox]

That's awesome.

[Courtney Miller]

They didn't like it.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my.

[Courtney Miller]

Art was not appreciated in its time.

[Shane Top]

Sorry.

[Courtney Miller]

I know.

[Shane Top]

Life is pretty. It's pretty great.

[Courtney Miller]

Thank you.

[Shane Top]

I like that you wrote that. You wrote that for Kamedas. You said. Yeah, I like the grappling hook. Like you were going to do a full on Spider man on Broadway type.

[Courtney Miller]

Thing, complete with injuries and just.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, full on with you breaking your legs.

[Courtney Miller]

Commit to your craft, man, for the sake of art. Did you break your legs for an improv scene? I would.

[Shane Top]

That's full. The problem is that's not space work. It's too real. That's. I love that. I have a sketch idea that I found this morning that I had written years ago. And it's called Guillotine. And so it takes place in the 1700s. We're at a town square, and a man is about to be beheaded. And a judge is up there, and he surveys the crowd and he says, you have all gathered here today to witness the execution of a foul criminal found guilty of many horrible crimes. We see the guilty man bent over. He looks sad and defeated. On my count, the rope shall be cut, and this wretched soul will be thrown to the fiery abyss of hell. 3, 2, 1. And then a commoner stands up. He goes, wait. And before the executioner can kill the man, this commoner gets up and he goes, let him live. No man is deserving of such a death. You do not have the authority to make that judgment. And neither do you. Only God has the right to strike down those he deems guilty. The commoner turns to them and speaks to the crowd. This man is a human being, just like you and I, with a story and a family. Tell me, sir, what is your passion? The man looks up and he says, writing opinion posts on Facebook.

[Ian Hecox]

See?

[Shane Top]

Wait, what? Then I read other people's posts and play devil's advocate to their argument, no matter what it is. The crowd begins chattering. They clearly want him dead. Wait, wait. That's but one facet of this being. Tell me about yourself. What makes you. Tell me, what makes you a human being? Well, I love movies. Oh, what kind? Probably anything with Larry the cable guy. The crowd disapproves. Any. Anything else? Probably any TV show with Ashton Kutcher. You've never You've never seen, like, I don't know, like, Breaking Bad. It was boring. Kill him.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

The commenter keeps trying and he's like, come on, there's got to be something that. Something unique and special about you. He's like, well, I never turn right on red.

[Courtney Miller]

Just amazing.

[Shane Top]

The worst.

[Courtney Miller]

That almost sounds like a Rick and Morty thing to me where, like, Morty's trying to convince them that, like, you know, I don't know how you do it here, but on earth, this man deserves a trial. And then he's just like, the worst man. Yeah.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I think you created Rick and Morty.

[Shane Top]

They always do that switch where it's worse. Like, it's like the one where they. The guy Morty fights for his life. He's like, no, Rick, don't kill him. Like, hell doesn't exist. Whatever. And at the end, he gets hit over by a car and he gets dragged to hell. He's like, oh, I blame you.

[Courtney Miller]

It's real. All of this was real.

[Ian Hecox]

I blame you. Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Amazing.

[Ian Hecox]

Yes.

[Shane Top]

Yes.

[Ian Hecox]

I love this.

[Damien Haas]

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[Courtney Miller]

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[Damien Haas]

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[Courtney Miller]

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[Shane Top]

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[Keith Leak Jr.]

Terms and conditions apply okay, so.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, God.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Y'all remember that damn neighbor by any.

[Ian Hecox]

Yes, sir.

[Shane Top]

Of course.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

So it was like one of the most. One of the more like popular characters that we created. Like way back in the day, it was these two, like, hillbilly characters, Cletus and Benny Jean, and then this neighbor character that would just stand there and always try to steal Cletus's flamingo. Flamingo. Lawn flamingo. So it was. It was popular. People wanted more of it, and we made three, and we never made the fourth, but we wrote an outline for it.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, didn't we see the guy who plays the. That damn neighbor in Sacramento? Yeah, we met him a few times, but that was the last time we saw.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah, I. I brought him out to the. To the live show.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, that was great.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

And he drank. He drank your. Your. Your cider.

[Ian Hecox]

My cider. That's okay. I was too busy doing my skin routine to enjoy.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

So, and this, this whole outline is two lines. So clearly didn't get that far.

[Shane Top]

Right.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

And we. So here, here it is. All that's written is that Benny Jean and Cletus use a grappling hook to go over a five foot fence and they're scared to jump down. And Cletus, Cletus accidentally falls on the flamingo and it goes up his ass.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God. I can already see.

[Courtney Miller]

Amazing.

[Ian Hecox]

I can already see the art department creating the flamingo that's supposed to look like it's up the neighbor's ass. Yeah, I can already see them working on it. Like, oh, my God, that's incredible.

[Shane Top]

Damn. That's actually. Dude, I'm actually laughing at the idea of a sketch where some people are trying to hop a fence, but they get stuck at the top of it. And the whole sketch is them on top of the fence being scared to jump down for like days.

[Ian Hecox]

I love stuff like that. Like simple stuff like that.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah. Let's see. Let me throw one more out.

[Ian Hecox]

Any really bad ones you say that.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Wasn'T a really bad one?

[Shane Top]

Yeah, these are all amazing sketches.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, I would make these tomorrow, right?

[Courtney Miller]

Today.

[Shane Top]

Uh.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh.

[Ian Hecox]

What? What? You have to read it now. You have to read it.

[Shane Top]

Oh, God. I mean, if it's too bad, we're just gonna not.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Okay. This is again, long time ago, something labeled failed TV shows. All that's written. All that's written is a narcoleptic knife, slash gun, slash scissor instructor, slash salesman. And then the other, the other failed TV show that we wrote, well, then we wrote something about New Jersey. That's what was written.

[Shane Top]

Something about New Jersey.

[Courtney Miller]

Anything about New Jersey and then, and.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Then the last one. So back in the day, like, listicles were a really big thing on like websites. Like before, before social media took over everyone's time on the Internet, there existed websites who would have thunk, wow. And these websites, you would go to them to do things other than tweet or post pictures or do fun, fun dances. And so we had a website and smosh.com and we had this thing called the smosh pit. And that is where we posted all these like funny, like 10 funny things about this. Like 10. It was like tattoo fails and that kind of stuff. And we had like writers put like make these listicles, I guess I also wrote a bunch of ideas for these listicles and they're super fucking cringy. And obviously we never made it. It was just like, just stream of consciousness. So here's, here's some here's some listicle ideas.

[Shane Top]

10 pictures of my balls.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Very close picture number one. 10 reasons why string cheese is cooler than ninjas.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God, Ian, keep going.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Nice. 10 works of art that suck.

[Ian Hecox]

Number one, the Mona Lisa.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

These are so cringy. 10 ways to defeat a Drunk Pirate.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God, Ian.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Ten worst Police Sketches.

[Shane Top]

That's actually.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Actually, that would be.

[Shane Top]

I think that's a good. That's a good list.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

There's a good one.

[Courtney Miller]

No, but it's literally a police officer sketch comedy at, like, the Officers Ball every year, it's like. Yeah. Find videos of that. That's what.

[Shane Top]

Yeah.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

These are making. These are, like, making me tear up because they're so cringe. Five movies that were so bad. They were awesome.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, I make. I'm the queen of those lists.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, that's a. That's a normal list.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Vegetables that look like penises.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

That is some teenage Ian.

[Ian Hecox]

All right, moving on.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Hold on. There's more.

[Courtney Miller]

There's more.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Celebrities with weird eyes.

[Courtney Miller]

Is this a Steve Buscetti? 10 times.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Oh, and it says in parentheses, like, as an instruction for this listicle to flip the eyes around.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, that's funny.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Here's another one. Celebrities with weird mouths.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God. Owen Wilson.

[Shane Top]

For Owen Wilson. Like that.

[Courtney Miller]

His lips are crazier than a roll.

[Shane Top]

Is that it?

[Ian Hecox]

Save some more. Save some more.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

What? Okay, I'm just gonna say this one, though, because I don't understand it. Maybe I stopped writing in the middle of the sentence.

[Ian Hecox]

What is it?

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I don't. I don't.

[Ian Hecox]

Honestly, I read it off. Read it.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

If c. Come on.

[Ian Hecox]

What the.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Okay, all right.

[Courtney Miller]

What the.

[Ian Hecox]

Come on.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I feel like I'm. I feel like I'm high right now. Read if sea animals had eggs.

[Shane Top]

What?

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I don't know. I don't know what it's supposed to mean.

[Ian Hecox]

You are the highest non smoker in the planet.

[Shane Top]

If sea animals had eggs. Not laid eggs.

[Courtney Miller]

If they just had them, like a seahorse just holding, like, a chicken egg. Is that what you mean?

[Keith Leak Jr.]

But. But what's confusing is that it's. It's spelled. Eggs is spelled just E, G, S. So was I about to write something and I got distracted or did I. Is that an acronym? Like.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, I don't see you being any. Anywhere near sober writing.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I'm crying.

[Shane Top]

I don't kind of crap smoking.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I never at this time in my life. I probably partook in marijuana twice.

[Courtney Miller]

Whoa. So you're two times a criminal and.

[Shane Top]

Look what it did to you. What if Sea animals had eggs.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yo, hold on. But what if. Guys, what if sea animals had eggs?

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, my God. Dude.

[Ian Hecox]

Dude, we should. We should get a sea animal. We should get a sea animal, give it an egg, and just see what happens.

[Shane Top]

I'm telling you, that's what's wrong with the government is that. Sean, holes don't have eggs, man. Well, that's wrong.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I also have. I also have a folder of, like, pictures that I saved way back in the day because I thought, oh, like, maybe that'd be funny for, like, a smosh pit article. And they're super cringy.

[Ian Hecox]

Okay, save them for the next round. Save them for the next round.

[Shane Top]

Too much fire.

[Ian Hecox]

I have this one. A guy who's pissed off at girls for sneakily shopping in the men's section. He, like, stands guard in the men's section at Target, and he's like, literally, hey, hey. And the girls are all, like, deer in headlights and, like, run off because.

[Courtney Miller]

Amazing.

[Ian Hecox]

I'm always getting the men's flannels or, like, giant crewnecks and stuff. So imagine a guy, like, trying to gatekeep the men's section from women.

[Shane Top]

That's funny.

[Ian Hecox]

Like, as if, like, women have taken so many things from men, and so they can't have their flannels. And it would be, like, a little bit of social commentary of a woman or like, another dude being like, hey, man, it's all right. I wear women's tank tops. Like, I don't know.

[Shane Top]

And it's just, like, ripped off of his body. Yeah, he's a huge dude. It's like, hardly on him.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God. Remember when Shane. Remember when you wore the clever. The clevver TV tank top on?

[Shane Top]

Oh, my God.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

CleverTV had these little tank tops. And I wore one. And I mean it. I was giving. I was having trouble breathing in it. Wow. Because they were made very small.

[Ian Hecox]

And this one is called Sheeple characters. I remember I really wanted to have a sketch. And I think it would have started with us being ourselves and some crazy thing happening. And then all of a sudden, a group of people who look very bland, very basic walk up and like, hey, we saw there was a crowd over here. Thought we'd see what was up. I was like, why? Like, oh, you know, like, oh, well, we pulled over. Cause we saw there was some police cars and a crowd. So, like, just like, Sheeple who do things like, oh, there's this line. So we decided to get in line.

[Shane Top]

Like, oh, that's actually really funny.

[Ian Hecox]

You know, like, oh, there was a sale at Target. So we went to Target during their sale. Like. Like things that people don't do.

[Shane Top]

I'm gonna take this. I'm gonna take this really dark and we can cut it. But it's like if someone was about to jump off a bridge and they're like, oh, what are we in line for? Yeah, right behind them, like, oh, hell yeah. Next.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, like, just like sheeple. That all will do things because, like, oh, there's a sign that says, like, sign up here. So we're going to, like, sign up for this.

[Shane Top]

It reminds me. Yeah, it reminds me. There's this Mitchell and Webb sketch. They're a British sketch duo where it's a guy if a mediator between two politicians. And the politicians keep telling him things like, my opponent is a liar and actually wants to tank the economy. And the mediators like, oh, my God, I can't believe that.

[Ian Hecox]

Believing everything they're saying.

[Shane Top]

Why would you do that? He's like, no, my. I would. I've never said that. My opponent actually is taking money from big funders and he wants to bring big oil back and destroy the nature. And he's like, oh, my God.

[Courtney Miller]

What?

[Shane Top]

Like, so good.

[Courtney Miller]

Amazing.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

But you didn't. You didn't write that.

[Shane Top]

No, that is a Mitchell and Webb sketch.

[Ian Hecox]

That's really funny. I like that.

[Shane Top]

Okay, okay.

[Ian Hecox]

There's this thing I wrote that's literally just, what up? I'm Saint Deandra, but you can just call me stdd.

[Shane Top]

That's a great character.

[Ian Hecox]

I think I was trying to write, like, some sort of trailer for when we came back from the shutdown, and it was going to be like, action movie. Ish. And it had everyone in it, like, all of us jam packed into a van, basically. It looks like something like a fan fiction would have written, like, written, like, where it's like, oh, Joven. And it has all these lines and then Anthony's even there, like, just wishing us luck and like. Yeah. And then the end is, like the VO of, like, coming this spring to a channel you should probably be subscribed to already. Notification squad, where are you at? Retweet this if you will have bad luck for. Or you will have bad luck for three months. Alexa, stop. Subscribe to PewDiePie. Everything just like, all this weird shit.

[Shane Top]

Hell yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Go.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay, good. While Shane's gone, I can finally get all my good stuff out. So I've always wanted to, like, write a sketch where someone has, like, a very long and complicated name that starts with a D and then they Realize, like, you know, no one's going to want that. But they're also a peanut farmer, so they keep selling these nuts and it's just a, like a three to four minute sketch where they're very like, honestly, like, that's why I put so much care into these nuts.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God.

[Courtney Miller]

That's one.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

That's.

[Courtney Miller]

It's similar.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

That's similar to our. The Dixon Cider Company.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah, dude.

[Courtney Miller]

But I didn't watch Smosh though, so I don't. I don't know.

[Ian Hecox]

Speaking of dicks and cider, you know how we have a coffee, we should make a cider and call it Dixon Cider.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Well, we gotta make it. We gotta make it from apples from the town of Dixon.

[Courtney Miller]

Whoa.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Otherwise it's a lie. Lie.

[Courtney Miller]

It's a lie.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

But actually that's a great idea. I just don't know how.

[Ian Hecox]

Hey, anybody know any breweries?

[Courtney Miller]

Actually, yes.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Oh. Oh. Because I was thinking like apple cider, but I wasn't thinking like alcoholic cider.

[Ian Hecox]

I mean, we could just do. We could do a non alcoholic version and Alcoholic version.

[Shane Top]

Yeah. Sky's the limit.

[Ian Hecox]

Your girl, your girl's favorite party drink is just a plain old cider, bro.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

It's just cider.

[Courtney Miller]

It's just juice.

[Ian Hecox]

It's just juice. Spicy juice.

[Shane Top]

Step into the world of power, loyalty, and luck. I'm gonna make him an offer he.

[Courtney Miller]

Can'T refuse with family.

[Shane Top]

Cannolis and spins mean everything. Now you want to get mixed up in the family business. Introducing the [e-mail]. test your luck on the shadowy world of the Godfather slot. Someday I will call upon you to do a service for me. Play the Godfather father [e-mail]. welcome to the family. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void. We're prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[Courtney Miller]

I have a couple more. If yes, go for it. I used to be like super anti, like, apple stuff because I was like a full of piss and vinegar as like a young 20s man. And I was like, very angry about like how the company was run. So I would always pitch a sketch every year where like there was a bunch of people in a line and it'd be like, hey, what are you guys waiting for? And at this time it was like oldest. They're like the new iPhone 6. Like it just came out, so we have to get it. And you're like, oh, man, you guys always get this new thing. You don't need a new phone all the time. Like, they've got you wrapped around their finger. And then someone in the line's like, hey, buddy, for your information, I have to get this new phone today because, like, as soon as they announced it, my old phone stopped working. And then someone else in the line's like, me, too. And they're like, yeah, me too. They're like, yeah, me too, smart guy. And it's like, all right. See a problem with that? And they're like, no. He's like, all right. And then he just joins the line because it is a cool phone. And then. And now I have an Apple. And then I have a few tweets that I'll never release. Norman Reedus with diabetes in Adidas. Send. Tweet.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yes. Oh, yes.

[Ian Hecox]

Come on, just tweet it.

[Courtney Miller]

I might.

[Shane Top]

I'm so good. I might do it.

[Ian Hecox]

I'm bummed. I deleted Twitter this week, and so all my drafts are gone.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Oh, no, you Deletus.

[Ian Hecox]

Deletus. I deleted Twitter for a couple days to give myself a break from the crisis.

[Courtney Miller]

It's smart.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

You tweetest, Deletus.

[Ian Hecox]

I tweetest Deletus sleatus lapeedus breedus. But it's back, and all my drafts are gone. But it's okay. I think a lot of it was just me, like, tweeting my opinion about something, so it wasn't, like, funny. So I was like, this is pointless. I'll just write it out so I can get it out of my system.

[Courtney Miller]

Constantly have opinion stuff just saved in drafts. I'm like, I don't want to throw my hat in any ring. Like, I started one with, like, the whole Covid situation where. And it's literally half a draft where it just says, maybe, just maybe. If you need to constantly remind someone to wash their hands. And then it just cuts off. I'm like, yep, whatever. Going to say there was not needed. I've also got. What's your favorite Gilligan's island theme song? And then there's the Twitter do your thing meme where people, like, want social media to fix it. So I just wrote, haven't taken a dump all day. Twitter, do your thing.

[Ian Hecox]

I love stuff like that.

[Courtney Miller]

Why did you fail your midterm? Wrong answers only. And that's a double joke.

[Ian Hecox]

Nice.

[Courtney Miller]

Wrong answers.

[Ian Hecox]

Well done.

[Courtney Miller]

Thank you.

[Ian Hecox]

I like that. Yeah, I always. I always, like, feel like it's nice to get your opinion out there, but I really like keeping my Twitter just, like, just funny, dumb stuff.

[Courtney Miller]

Same.

[Shane Top]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Not everybody needs to know my opinion on every little thing.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Not that special.

[Ian Hecox]

Also, yeah, also a million people, like, have already said it that are more important than me.

[Shane Top]

So that's like, I think opinions are important, but opinions on Twitter, I just don't think it ever does anything. That's. That's my opinion anyways. But when we started this, this pod, I forgot that I have literally a book of bad ideas.

[Ian Hecox]

What a good way to finish this off.

[Shane Top]

Well, we need still Ian's 2008 sketch, but here's a couple. Courtney is on her period and it just turns her into a middle aged man.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, yeah, I remember you talking about that one.

[Shane Top]

I have Scrabble Migos Edition where someone's just like, oh, sweet, I won. Yeah, I've got going across.

[Ian Hecox]

Skirt, skirt.

[Shane Top]

Oh. Going back in time and finding out that everyone has weird voices. So you go back to the 1800s and everyone's like, hey, how's it going? It's like, wait, what? It's like, yeah, this is how everyone talks in the 1800s. You didn't know? And she's like, what?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, because we couldn't hear them.

[Shane Top]

You go back to the Middle Ages, just like, hey, how's it going? It's just like, this is what people talk like, it's like, what are you talking about?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, we have no idea.

[Ian Hecox]

You go to 1300s, it's like.

[Shane Top]

And then a sketch, not necessarily a sketch, but just a visual that Damian and I talk about all the time, is if Damian and I were invincible and had super strength, how much fun it would be to just occasionally just like punch one of us so hard that we're just flying. You just like, we get launched into space just like, it's like us just like our like, shirt fluttering. Someone in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sees something skidding across the ocean and it's just Damien smile on his face, just launching. It's just like. It's like so bad. You just like punch him and he just like flies into space. The moon just kind of shatters.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God.

[Courtney Miller]

Stuff like that.

[Shane Top]

But we're fine. We could do that, but just. I just laugh at the visual of just launching each other.

[Courtney Miller]

Let's film it, dude.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, let's just film it. Let's just. Just hire a stunt team. That's all you need.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

How do I share? Do you have any more or should I?

[Ian Hecox]

No, let's have. Let's you be the finale guy.

[Shane Top]

And then I think, I think we're running out of time. So Ian, give us this ancient gold.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

This is an idea that we had pretty Much completely written out, and we just never did it because I don't think it was that funny. But it's about. It's called Action News, and it's about. About like the news stations ratings are tanking, so they decide that they need to make the news more interesting and more actiony. Just kind of like a satire of real news shows. The intro shows different characters, weather with Randy, a bomb diffuser, as one of the people that's on the show.

[Ian Hecox]

Come on, sell this sketch to us, man.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I am a female news anchor, ghetto guy that's. That's doing the weather, and he's standing in front of a green screen. Okay, it's all bad.

[Shane Top]

The fans have been waiting for this moment.

[Ian Hecox]

No, it's okay.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

There's a guy standing outside with an umbrella, and he's wearing a raincoat, and he's over exaggerating everything, saying the wind is like 40 miles an hour when it's obviously not very windy.

[Shane Top]

Ian, you are describing the news. You are describing the actual news right now.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Breaking news of a mudslide terrorizing a city. It shows a scene of an obviously fake small house on a muddy hill with somebody pouring water on it. Goes a reporter in front of a green screen with maps on the freeway. He's talking about the traffic. Goes a live shot of the freeway. The reporter makes comments about how bad the traffic is and makes a comment about how a guy changing a lane almost created an accident. It's. It's so.

[Ian Hecox]

It's like. So it's like them trying to make action out of a very boring news day. Yeah, okay.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Kind of get where the joke is, like, immediately. And then. Yeah, it's like, keep going.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah, that's the thing. It's all the same joke. And they're like, let's go to traffic. Oh, my God, it's so dangerous. Like, that guy. It's bad. Like I said, there's a bomb diffuser guy. He's defusing a nuclear warhead. And just at the moment that he's about to do it, head of the news station barges in, says that there says, the ratings just came in. We're the most watched news station on television. Bomb defuser jumps up and says, all right. CEO says larry the bomb. The bomb diffuser looks down and. Oh, and then stock footage of a nuclear blast. Because, like, half the videos that we made back then ended with somebody getting shot or somebody blowing up.

[Courtney Miller]

Amazing. Oh, man.

[Shane Top]

Yeah. You have either a flamingo going up someone's ass. Yep. Your explosion.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Oh, I like this Outline. This outline's called Zelda in current time. And I clicked it and nothing was written.

[Courtney Miller]

You're just like, it wouldn't work. He wouldn't be able to do any of the stuff he does.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

It doesn't work.

[Shane Top]

It's a great sketch. That's. I love that sketch.

[Courtney Miller]

Amazing.

[Shane Top]

It's my favorite sketch.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

There's a lot. There's a lot more. So if we decide to do this again, got a lot more goals.

[Ian Hecox]

I love this.

[Shane Top]

I've got a good amount of sketches I did not touch on.

[Ian Hecox]

So, yeah, I'm sure I can find some more. This is like, I'm. When I'm looking in a super old dinosaur laptop, there's some weird stuff in here, like weird poetry, like weird ideas for jobs that I would love to have one day. So weird.

[Shane Top]

Great.

[Ian Hecox]

But this is a great idea, Shane.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. So shall we bring it into the Shoot dude and then wrap this big old baby?

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Let's up. Let's do a little. Let's do a little shoot dude.

[Courtney Miller]

Nice.

[Shane Top]

Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude.

[Ian Hecox]

Shoot, dude.

[Shane Top]

Shoot, dude.

[Ian Hecox]

Shoot dude.

[Shane Top]

Shoot dude.

[Courtney Miller]

Nice.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

All right. Okay, so this shoot dude comes from Elena Carazan. There's two hours in this. You got.

[Ian Hecox]

Roll it, Cara Rosanna.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

No, sorry. Karan Carranza.

[Ian Hecox]

Okay, let's just.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Let's just move past that.

[Shane Top]

Probably Elena.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

So Elena. Elena says, I was on a video call with my college class and our professor sent us into groups. We've been in these groups a few times, and, you know, it's private groups, so we can kind of chat about what we want. So one of the people in my group starts talking smack about the professor. The rest of my group, including myself, are kind of just like, yeah, ha, ha. Yeah. And wouldn't you know, my professor messages the group saying she heard everything. Yikes. Of course, I messaged her immediately and apologized for being complacent in the situation. I think she took it well and appreciated it, but still, yikes. She's actually a very kind and understanding professor, so she definitely didn't deserve to hear that. Moral of the story. Wait until you're out of the video program to talk smack, because your professor probably has access to join without you even knowing. Also, if you get caught, just apologize. Even if you weren't the one gossiping, even still. Shoot dude.

[Ian Hecox]

Shoot dude.

[Courtney Miller]

Shoot dude. I was gonna say apologizing for, like, being complacent is the ultimate. Like, hey, I just wanted you to know that this wasn't me at all, but I could have stopped It. And for that, I'm sorry. Like, it's. It's very much, like, not taking responsibility, but also, like.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, because, like, it was. I wish I knew, like, what the person who was talking smack was saying, like, what kind of stuff. Oh, my God. If you. Have you guys ever, like, been caught talking smack about someone or, like, accidentally sent it to them?

[Shane Top]

Oh, I was at a restaurant with some friends. We were at Applebee's in Arizona. Applesby and Applesby. And the waitress comes up, and she goes, would you like anything to drink? And my friend goes, yeah, do you have Dr. Pepper? And she goes, no, but we have cherry Coke. And we were like, those are not the same. We're all kind of like. And then he kind of like, he ordered something else, but she walks away, and we started making jokes about it. We're like, yeah, do you have Coca Cola? No, but we do have lemonade. And, like. And then eventually. Eventually I go, hey, do you have Pepsi? No, but we do have my grandmother's piss. And then I look over and the waitress is right there.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, that's a dude.

[Shane Top]

And I was like, I like to imagine.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I like to imagine she was just like. She was just standing there, like. Like this. And then you look over and she's.

[Shane Top]

Like, yeah, just drops all the food. No, but she. She like. Yeah, she luckily, like. I mean, we were teenagers, but I still think she probably. She probably spit in our food.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, that's fine. Build up your immune system.

[Shane Top]

But come on. Dr. Pepper and Cherry Coke are not the same.

[Courtney Miller]

They're not the same. No, if you don't have Mr. Pib, it is probably the most. Most comparable thing next, other than like.

[Ian Hecox]

A. I will say.

[Shane Top]

Just say we don't have it.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, but I think maybe they're trained to be like, if we just say, no, we don't have something, it's, like, negative and can make that person, like, mad. So if they're like, but we do have this. Is trying to keep it positive.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I think it's. I think more so. It's just, like, a way to. To not have to sit there while they deliberate. More like. So if you say, we don't have that, but we do have this, so please just say yes to this, because I don't have to explain everything that.

[Shane Top]

We said was not doing anything wrong. Like, and we were only just making fun of that. We weren't trying to make fun of her as much as we were just, like, making fun of that.

[Ian Hecox]

No. Yeah, it's fine. I feel like if I was a waitress. And it would depend on the day I'm having. If I was having a good day and I said that and I heard them doing that, I would laugh along. But if I was, like, already having a bad day, I've been like, God damn it, this sucks. So it depends.

[Courtney Miller]

They're teenagers. They're already not gonna tip. Damn it.

[Shane Top]

We were just teenage dudes. Like, we're gonna make fun of anything.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. There's not a whole lot going on. When you came home, I was hoping.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

That you were saying when you said, we don't have Pepsi, but we do have my grandma's piss that you're gonna say that your grandma was. Was sitting in a table over.

[Shane Top]

And then I looked over, my grandma.

[Courtney Miller]

Was there, and she was the waitress. Grandma, why are you working? You're old.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

All right.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Well, send. Send your Shoot Dudes to shoot [e-mail]. yeah. Yeah. Shoot dude smash.com. that's shoot dude with a D, O.

[Ian Hecox]

O D. And we're like. I'm really excited personally for next week's podcast because we're gonna have a special guest.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Who?

[Ian Hecox]

My sister, Carrie Miller.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Why would you do that?

[Ian Hecox]

And Ian didn't know.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

I don't know if I have enough time to get a ring.

[Ian Hecox]

No, no, no.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

What are we bringing?

[Ian Hecox]

I get it. Dating has been hard in quarantine. But no, she's just coming on because I want to talk to my sister, and it'd be fun. And, like, don't make it weird.

[Shane Top]

But look, for next week's Shoot dude, you should just shoot your shot.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, but that's gonna be fun. She's gonna be video chatting from my dad's house, so. It'll be great. It'll be great.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah. And for the. For those that don't know, there was a long running thing of me professing my love for. For Courtney's sister. Yeah, well, not professing love, but just.

[Ian Hecox]

Saying, like, you just want.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

No, but one day. One day we will. You know, we'll live happily ever after. And now. And now I had to face the consequences of making those jokes.

[Ian Hecox]

Absolutely.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Great. Awesome.

[Shane Top]

It's gonna be. It's gonna be stellar.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

No, that's. No, that's. That's gonna be great.

[Shane Top]

That's.

[Courtney Miller]

That's looking forward.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine. It's. It's gonna be okay. I'm not freaking out. You're freaking out.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, my God. I love you guys. I miss you guys.

[Courtney Miller]

You're okay.

[Shane Top]

Yeah. Yeah. You guys. All right.

[Ian Hecox]

Ian, what have you been doing? Every day? I feel like I've talked to you the least.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

During quarantine, I played this game called Totally Accurate Battle Simulator.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, that's fun, Tabs.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

And I played it way too, way too long last night.

[Courtney Miller]

Nice.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Now I have a headache from staring at a screen. Too late.

[Courtney Miller]

Same for Final Fantasy.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, I think it's migraines. I don't even know what it's from.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Top]

I'm changing the infrastructure of my Animal Crossing town. It's. It's pretty. It's pretty.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, I think this is gonna be the week that I get Animal Crossing, by the way.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes. Finally do it.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, and I'm just gonna tweet out my friend code and then just let anybody come to mind.

[Courtney Miller]

Nope.

[Ian Hecox]

I will die. Okay. Well, this has been great, you guys. Thank you to. To my boys for having fun with me. Thank you to the listeners and the viewers. You know how it be. We're still putting out content. Some of it's good, some of it's great. Love y'all. See you next time.

[Shane Top]

Bye.

[Keith Leak Jr.]

Bye.

[Ian Hecox]

Call me back in 10 minutes. I need to get some soup.

[Shane Top]

No.

[Courtney Miller]

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[Shane Top]

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