S2: #64 - How The Internet Tainted My Soul & Walking in on Grandma (Shoot Dood!)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth – S2: #64 - How The Internet Tainted My Soul & Walking in on Grandma (Shoot Dood!)

Release Date: May 20, 2020
Hosts: Shayne Topp (Shane Top), Amanda Lehan-Canto (Jackie), and a rotating Smosh friend
Description: In this episode, Shane, Jackie, and their guest delve into personal anecdotes, hilarious mishaps, and embarrassing moments submitted by fans. They explore how the internet influences their lives and share relatable stories that highlight the lighter side of everyday challenges.

---

1. Opening Chit-Chat and Daily Life Anecdotes

The episode kicks off with Shane recounting a humorous incident during an overnight flight from Australia. At [00:29], he shares his struggle with airplane bathrooms:

Shane Top [00:29]: "I start to just push the door open, and it just slams back in my face."

Jackie chimes in with her own experiences, expressing her discomfort with fast-moving objects and playful moments with her baby:

Jackie [00:53]: "I just really didn't like things that moved fast at my face... like, whoa. Like, hey, back up, baby."

The conversation flows effortlessly as they discuss daily nuisances, such as dealing with kitchen mishaps. At [01:17], Jackie talks about accidentally cutting her thumb while cleaning a cheese grater:

Jackie [01:25]: "I thought it was a good idea to, like, wipe off the cheese with my thumb, but I basically just, like, grated."

2. Showcasing Smosh Merchandise

Transitioning into a lighter segment, the hosts proudly display their latest Smosh merchandise. Shane models a floral sweatshirt at [06:08], while Jackie showcases the classic tie-dye hoodie:

Shane Top [06:28]: "This hoodie feels like a warm cloud. It's very comfy."

Jackie [07:37]: "I feel like I'm very on trend. I feel like tie dye is having a moment or something."

They discuss the comfort and style of the new apparel, encouraging listeners to check out the offerings:

Unknown [07:18]: "If you guys want to get them, we're super excited."

3. Introduction to the "Shoot Dood" Segment

Eager to dive into fan-submitted stories, the hosts introduce the "Shoot Dood" segment—a collection of embarrassing and laugh-worthy moments shared by their audience. At [08:37], they emphasize the importance of keeping submissions lighthearted:

Shane Top [08:37]: "Tell us funny, embarrassing stories... avoid severe trauma."

4. "Shoot Dood" Stories: Embarrassing Moments and Hilarious Mishaps

a. Amber's Closet Surprise [15:54]

Amber shares a terrifying yet comical experience of discovering her dad's sex doll:

Amber [15:55]: "I had accidentally found my dad's sex doll. I closed the door and never spoke of it until now."

Shane reacts with disbelief and amusement:

Shane Top [16:35]: "Oh, shoot. Shoot."

b. Teenage Miscommunication [20:17]

Purav recounts a teenage misunderstanding involving a girlfriend's mother:

Purav [20:17]: "When I saw her mom... it wasn't sex."

Jackie humorously critiques the awkward interaction:

Jackie [20:43]: "Twas not the sex I was having with your daughter."

c. Illegal Lighter Fiasco [21:58]

Danny narrates his accidental possession of a deceptive lighter shaped like a grenade, leading to an unexpected run-in with the law in Australia:

Danny [22:27]: "They find the knife... I was arrested and the court date set."

Jackie empathizes with his embarrassment:

Jackie [24:29]: "That's a shoot, dude."

d. McDonald's Math Fail [50:11]

Jacob humorously describes his family's reaction to receiving $0.69 as change from a McDonald's purchase:

Jacob [50:05]: "My mom paid in cash. She got $0.69 back, and I laughed because... the Internet has tainted my soul."

Shane playfully exaggerates the family's disapproval:

Shane Top [50:33]: "You dare insult Ronald McDonald."

---

5. Prank Stories and Reactions

The hosts share their experiences with pranks, balancing between mischievous and wholesome encounters.

a. Logistical Pranks [34:55]

Shane discusses being pranked by being placed in a Kaiju suit during an interview with John Boyega:

Shane Top [35:14]: "They put me in this dumb dinosaur outfit... John Boyega was the coolest."

Jackie reflects on the emotional impact of surprise pranks:

Jackie [36:45]: "When I watched that video, I started crying a little bit... it's just beautiful."

b. Haunted House Scare [37:23]

The guest recounts being pranked in a haunted house, blending fear with humor:

Unknown [37:23]: "They surprised me with Chris Pratt... he was really sweet."

6. Discussions on Personal Fears and Preferences

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in light-hearted debates about personal preferences and fears.

a. Favorite Apples [13:26]

Shane advocates for Granny Smith apples, sparking a playful debate:

Shane Top [14:37]: "Granny Smith apples are definitively the best kind."

Jackie prefers sweeter red varieties, avoiding tartness:

Jackie [14:01]: "I don't like a sour apple. So, like a nice, sweet... pinky red kind of apple."

b. Fear of Dogs [41:32]

Jackie opens up about her fear of dogs, leading to a discussion on pet experiences:

Jackie [42:29]: "A dog started barking, and I literally just jumped onto the island."

Shane shares his love for large, gentle dogs, contrasting Jackie's apprehension:

Shane Top [44:37]: "I love big dogs that I can wrestle."

---

7. Concluding Thoughts and Listener Engagement

As the episode wraps up, the hosts encourage listeners to submit their own "Shoot Dood" stories and engage with their merchandise. Jackie reflects on her comfort with the Smosh cast:

Jackie [59:36]: "I feel good. You guys are so easy to talk to."

Shane emphasizes the importance of sharing relatable and humorous stories:

Shane Top [60:46]: "Tell us funny, embarrassing stories... avoid severe trauma."

Listeners are invited to connect via social media and participate in future episodes, fostering a sense of community and shared experiences.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Shane Top [00:29]: "I start to just push the door open, and it just slams back in my face."

• Jackie [01:25]: "I thought it was a good idea to, like, wipe off the cheese with my thumb, but I basically just, like, grated."

• Shane Top [06:28]: "This hoodie feels like a warm cloud. It's very comfy."

• Shane Top [14:37]: "Granny Smith apples are definitively the best kind."

• Shane Top [50:33]: "You dare insult Ronald McDonald."

• Shane Top [16:35]: "Oh, shoot. Shoot."

• Jackie [20:43]: "Twas not the sex I was having with your daughter."

• Unknown [37:23]: "They surprised me with Chris Pratt... he was really sweet."

---

Conclusion

"Smosh Mouth" Episode #64 delivers a blend of humor, relatable mishaps, and engaging storytelling. Through the "Shoot Dood" segment, listeners gain insight into the hosts' lives and the humorous side of everyday embarrassments. Whether discussing favorite fruits or navigating the complexities of pet ownership, Shane, Jackie, and their guest create an entertaining and personable atmosphere that resonates with a wide audience.

For more laughs and relatable stories, tune into future episodes of "Smosh Mouth" and join the Smosh community in celebrating the imperfect and humorous moments of life.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Shane Top]

Rambles when we were coming back from Australia, it's an overnight flight. I go to the bathroom. I start to just push the door open, and it just slams back in my face.

[Jackie]

I thought the light doesn't even come.

[Shane Top]

On until you lock. Yeah, they don't. They're in there pooping in the dark.

[Unknown]

I just suddenly see someone on a bicycle rolling by really slowly. Immediately, I saw them, and I was like, oh, my God, that's my ex.

[Jackie]

I just really didn't like things that moved fast at my face. You know when you're, like, laying down and playing with the baby, and then the baby just, like, starts crawling at. I was just like, whoa. Like, hey, back up, baby.

[Shane Top]

Chris Pratt was really cool.

[Unknown]

He was really sweet. I forgot to smell him. That was, like, a lot of people's first question. What did he smell like?

[Shane Top]

Oh, and guys are all weird.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. Guys. I sliced my thumb open repeatedly last night. I was cleaning a cheese grater.

[Jackie]

Oh, wow.

[Unknown]

And, like, for some reason thought it was a good idea to, like, wipe off the cheese with my thumb, but I basically just, like, grated.

[Shane Top]

Fun. That's really great.

[Unknown]

Little, like, scratch marks all across it.

[Jackie]

So is the grater clean, or are you.

[Shane Top]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Did you clean it? Like, is there such a.

[Unknown]

Stopped cleaning it after I cut my thumb, and it's in my sink. I still have a lot of dishes to do, so I'll deal with it then. And I will use a proper cleaning tool, not my hands.

[Shane Top]

Cleaning a cheese grater is actually pretty tough because you end up just grating a sponge.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

And then you just. Yeah, sponge flakes.

[Unknown]

I don't like using a sponge. I like using the brush.

[Jackie]

I have rough hands. Like, I have. I have man hands. Roll some. So, like, are you. Do you have soft hands? I feel like they would easily, like, get graded in.

[Shane Top]

I think. I think I have. I actually think I have really soft hands. Despite the fact that I like lift weight. I don't wear gloves when I Lift weights and I still have, like, soft hands. I don't know what the deal is.

[Unknown]

I'm, like, addicted to, like. I have a weird thing with my hands being dry after I wash my hands, so I. I'm always hitting that hand lotion, but I feel like my overall bone structure is masculine.

[Jackie]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

Of my hands.

[Shane Top]

Okay.

[Unknown]

All right, so we should probably. I should probably intro the Ha. Now we really got into this. Okay, so welcome. We are about to cast this pod. I am so ready. We have me, myself and I. No, just kidding. It's more than one person. It is to that. Yeah. Sorry. We got Shane Top here. We got Jackie. Wait, what? How do I say your last name? I missed.

[Jackie]

This way.

[Unknown]

Ooh, I love that. Jackie.

[Jackie]

That's a dope.

[Shane Top]

Last name.

[Unknown]

Important. Miller. Yeah. We're here chilling, you know, we talking about cutting our thumbs and.

[Shane Top]

That's Right. And for those of you listening, I'm sure most of you probably do know, but Jackie's been in a lot of our sketches. You were in. I know you were in Eat it or Eat It. What? Were you in any other pit videos or.

[Jackie]

I think that's the only pit video I've been in.

[Unknown]

And then so far.

[Jackie]

Yeah, so far.

[Shane Top]

But you've been. You've been around. So. So. And you've been doing awesome work. You're hilarious. And so we figured we'd let you come on to something a little bit easier than Eat it or yeet it.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

A little less painful.

[Unknown]

Safe today.

[Jackie]

Yes. My stomach is like trash.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Psych. We actually shipped a squid to your door, so if you could go open.

[Shane Top]

It and be at that now.

[Jackie]

I would probably eat it, though. Like, right now in this, like, quarantine, I've been eating everything that's in my house. Like, I'm going so hard about, like, not wasting food, because I'm like, you are blessed to have these beans. So if you sent me a squid, like, I'd probably chop it up, put it in some eggs, so.

[Unknown]

Ooh, squid eggs.

[Shane Top]

Squid eggs. Not too bad.

[Unknown]

So tasty.

[Shane Top]

See, I've been the opposite. I have, like, healthy stuff that doesn't go bad. Like, I have just, like, a bunch of almonds that I'm not eating. And, like, I have them there, and I'll be like, man, I'm really hungry. And then I just have all these almonds, but I'd never touch them. And I'm like, ah, I'm gonna.

[Jackie]

Are they unsalted?

[Shane Top]

Yeah. And that was the mistake. Cause you know when you're at the grocery store, and you're like, you know what I'm gonna do really good? I'm gonna have some unsalted raw almonds, and I'm gonna eat those, and I'm gonna be so healthy. And then you get home, and you're looking at them, you're like, what the hell was I thinking?

[Jackie]

You need, like, seven or whatever to, like. It's like, oh, eat seven. And it's one meal. And I'm like, when am I ever going to have seven almonds? Like, what?

[Shane Top]

I am not a squirrel.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Seven almonds.

[Jackie]

Seven almonds.

[Unknown]

Jeez.

[Shane Top]

I literally have been. What I've been doing mostly with them is when I go to the park to read every day, I put some in my pocket and I. The squirrels there, I like. I'll toss. I'll toss them to them.

[Unknown]

So cute.

[Shane Top]

Like, what's up? Here you go.

[Jackie]

Very cute. Wait, do you really go to the park every day? And.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, because if I don't. If I don't, like, I need a reason to go outside, but I need to, like, stay away from people still. So I go to the park. There's this bench that no one's ever at. It's this, like, open area. So I go there and sometimes I read. Sometimes I just, like, sit there and just. Just because I'm like, if I don't. I won't get sun, and I'll just be inside, and then I lose my mind. I don't have. I don't have a balcony or a patio or anything, so.

[Unknown]

I can't believe Shane's becoming a crazy old lady.

[Jackie]

You are. That's so good for you.

[Unknown]

So thank you.

[Shane Top]

Yeah. I just feed the pigeons, and I'm waiting for Macaulay Culkin to get lost in New York. And I will help him.

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[Jackie]

Exactly.

[Unknown]

For those watching, you will see and actually maybe don't even realize yet, but we are all wearing matching or not matching, but we're all wearing smosh merch.

[Shane Top]

That's right.

[Unknown]

We all are wearing smosh merch. Shane's got the new floral sweatshirt on that has sweatpants to match. Ain't he cute? Wow, wow, wow. So pretty.

[Jackie]

Whoa, Shane.

[Unknown]

Pretty. So pretty. Yeah. Yeah. So Shane was just standing up, doing T poses, and kind of, like, twisting his body around.

[Shane Top]

This. This hoodie feels like a warm cloud. It's very comfy. It is.

[Unknown]

And I've got the pizza place hoodie on. We. We now have a pizza place hoodie.

[Jackie]

That is a nice, like, khaki, beige, beige, beige color.

[Unknown]

The so. And then Jackie's wearing our classic tie dye smosh hoodie.

[Shane Top]

Just an absolute win.

[Unknown]

It is. That one's a very comfy, cozy one. That one's a little bit warmer.

[Jackie]

It is. I'm a little. I'm a little toasty.

[Unknown]

Yeah. These new ones are like. I don't know, I feel like they're like a summer hoodie because they're super light and, like, fluffy. And I feel like I can wear this, like, to in the summertime. And it's chilling. So we can get one to you, Jackie. So you aren't super toasty. Okay.

[Jackie]

I love that.

[Unknown]

But yeah, they're on the small shot store right now if you guys want to get them. So we're super excited. I. I love. I love this hoodie. It's very cute.

[Shane Top]

And the back, it's very nice.

[Unknown]

I'm turning around.

[Shane Top]

When I wear mine, I blend in with my walls because you see my. My beige walls back here.

[Jackie]

Oh. I was like, do you have floral wallpaper?

[Shane Top]

I wish. That'd be dope.

[Jackie]

I feel like when I wear this, I feel like I'm very on trend. I feel like tie dye is having a moment or something.

[Shane Top]

Dude, it totally is back.

[Jackie]

It is back and it's been back. When I got this, I was like, oh, thank God I can hang out. Like, I'm a cool kid now, you know?

[Shane Top]

I don't know what the deal was because tie dye was, like, not in for a long time.

[Unknown]

They also were, like, they weren't doing it right for a long time. It was always those basic colors that, like, I don't really like that. That green, that hard green and like yellow and blue. It was just like, nah, this is. They're creative with it and I love it.

[Jackie]

Yeah, I like soft. I don't normally buy light. It's gonna sound weird. I don't like to buy light colored clothes because I'm. I'm gonna spill on them or something.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

So, like, this. I've only worn this, like, once or twice so far because I'm just really nervous I'm gonna get, like, pasta on it.

[Unknown]

Dude.

I. I'm on. I totally know what you mean.

[Shane Top]

I. That makes sense.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I. I always. My instinct. When I see something cute, I'm always like, okay, where is it in black?

[Shane Top]

Because.

[Unknown]

Cause, like, that's just like the easiest color always matches everything, like, and hides all the ketchup. Okay. So I'm really excited for this episode because normally we only do one shoot, dude. At the end of every episode. But today I begged and begged and we're gonna do an all out tons of shoot dudes the whole episode. We're gonna be reading fans or fans, listeners submitted stories of shoot dude moments. But yeah, we're gonna read a bunch of them. React, feel feelings, talk about our feelings.

[Shane Top]

Just, you know, talk about our feelings.

[Jackie]

Yeah, let's talk about. I got a lot of feelings.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, I think everybody has a lot of feelings. Yeah. Right now. Oh my God.

[Jackie]

We've all been in smile to keep from crying.

[Unknown]

Yeah, dude, this the video. Yeah, this, this video we posted recently how to go viral. I literally like, that was the. I had a mental breakdown that day. Like in full dameron out like wardrobe. That was my breaking point of quarantine. I just. It had got too much, bro.

[Jackie]

I'm sorry.

[Unknown]

It's okay. I'm sure I'm not alone and I'm better now.

[Jackie]

You're not. But yeah, you don't have to like have a. You're not.

[Shane Top]

You're not.

[Jackie]

Not doing better.

[Unknown]

You're not.

[Jackie]

Look, I had my own little breakdown. I just wasn't in like a full outfit and costume. Wasn't happened like trying to take yourself seriously. You're like, yeah, just in a. I think.

[Shane Top]

I think it's gotten to the point everyone has a mini breakdown every week. Like we've learned how to space out our breakdowns and like organize them. Be like, okay, I'm free on Thursday at about 3:00pm yes. So I'm going to just freak out then.

[Jackie]

Yes. But I have a heart out at 4:30. So we just got to like make sure. We got to get it started.

[Shane Top]

Got to make it quick, guys. I got to. I got a freak out right now. Can we cut this?

[Unknown]

I hate crying, dude. I just. It makes my face all puffy after. It feels good after sometimes like, because you know when crying feels like a workout, it's like you just like send.

[Jackie]

Out all of this like negative energy and you're just like, okay, I'm good now. I did it.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Where are my grapes? Where are my grapes?

[Shane Top]

Where are my grapes?

[Jackie]

That's always my first thought.

[Unknown]

All right, I'm looking for a first episode for story.

[Shane Top]

Where are my grapes?

[Jackie]

Can I tell you guys something I did last night?

[Shane Top]

Yes.

[Jackie]

Speaking of grapes. Oh, I think I was watching. I was watching YouTube and these creators were like way real. They're the Ribka twins. I was watching the Ribka twins. I've never heard of twins. You've never heard of the Ribka twins? Okay.

[Unknown]

No.

[Jackie]

So they're these two. There's these two twins, and they. They're from Australia, and they do acro and, like, gymnastics and tumbling and all this stuff.

[Shane Top]

Oh, dope.

[Jackie]

And on one video, they're like, where are. I can't do an Australian. I'm not even gonna try it. We. I'm an Aussie.

[Shane Top]

Nope, it's fine. We've butchered. We just got back from Australia, and we butchered Australian accents the entire time we were there.

[Jackie]

I just, like, my accents are just literal trash. But they were just basically saying, like, oh, for summer, we like to have frozen grapes. And I was like, I can't. It's summer over here. I'm gonna make frozen grapes. So I made frozen grapes last night, and I really enjoyed eating them. Like, I just. It was a good time. So that's. After I cried. I had some frozen grapes.

[Unknown]

Cry and get some frozen grapes, dude. That's a good way. Did you. Okay. I heard this random story that if you're feeling depressed or sad, if you eat an orange in the shower, it'll make you feel better for.

[Shane Top]

For a little while if you're just having a bad day. You mean, like, just.

[Unknown]

I mean that. The. The. The article I read said use the word depressed or sad.

[Shane Top]

Right, Right.

[Unknown]

But. So that's just what I read.

[Shane Top]

Like, if you're just in a bad mood, I could see that changing around.

[Unknown]

Or like, if you're like. If, like having a mental breakdown, crying. If I had eaten an orange in the shower, apparently it helps you feel better. I could see an orange showering.

[Shane Top]

You know, I believe that is because it. If you're just having a bad day, if you're just kind of like, off track for. For or even a week, that's just such a weird thing to do that it's going to just kind of like, break the wheel. You're just going to, like, be sitting there, be like, what the hell am I doing? And then you're going to, like, be out of your head for a second.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

And then just kind of laugh.

[Jackie]

Just like, peeling the orange. And do you peel the orange before you get in? I mean, that's what I think about, because I have a hard time peeling oranges.

[Shane Top]

I ate an orange yesterday for the first time in a while, and peeling it was a nightmare. And I ended up just with a heap of. Just garbage.

[Unknown]

No. I used to. When I was a kid, my mom's house had this big orange tree, and there was small rocks all over the ground, and I would Pick a big old orange, and I'd use one of the sharper rocks. I pretend I was like a nature child, and I would use the rock to break it in half, and then I just eat it like that. Just cut them in half and eat them like that.

[Shane Top]

Wait, Sorry. While we're. Since we're talking about fruit, I'm going to have an ongoing thing. I'm going to have an ongoing thing on this podcast. I'm going to start it now because I started it on Twitter. Jackie, what is, in your opinion, the best kind of apple? If you had to choose, you can only eat one type of apple for the rest of your life.

[Jackie]

Like red.

[Unknown]

Like the Granny Smith.

[Jackie]

Just like. Wait a second.

[Shane Top]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Is it because there's those ones that.

[Unknown]

Are, like, reddish with, like, a little bit of yellow?

[Shane Top]

There's a lot of different types. There's a lot of different types.

[Jackie]

Well, let me start. It would be a red apple. It wouldn't be green. I'm not trying to.

[Unknown]

Like the little. The red. Like. Like that one. I love those, too.

[Jackie]

Like red, but not the small ones you got with the school lunches that were covered.

[Shane Top]

Oh, yeah.

[Jackie]

And we're, like, never actually ripe because there were, like, so many preserved. You know what I'm saying? Like, not those.

[Shane Top]

Okay.

[Jackie]

But I don't like a sour apple. So, like a nice, sweet. Maybe kind of like a. Maybe not a full red apple. Like a. Like a. Like a. Like a pinky, pinky red kind of apple.

[Unknown]

You know what I'm saying? I have some.

[Shane Top]

I think I know what you're talking about. All right, fair, fair. Look, all I'm saying, I am campaigning that Granny Smith apples are definitively the best kind of apple.

[Unknown]

I can't remember which they're.

[Shane Top]

That's all I'm going for. That's the green. Green apples or Granny Smith.

[Unknown]

No, no, they're too tart, so.

[Shane Top]

No, they're the best. They're the best with peanut butter, maybe.

[Unknown]

Okay, we.

[Shane Top]

Listen.

[Unknown]

Start these shoe dudes.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, sorry, sorry. But let us know in the comments of the video version of this. Just let us know what apple you. Stan, the Apple wars of 2020 are beginning.

[Unknown]

No.

[Shane Top]

Everyone must pick a side.

[Unknown]

Okay, fine. Okay.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Shane Top]

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[Unknown]

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All right, are you guys ready for the first shoot dude?

[Jackie]

Yes.

[Shane Top]

Yes.

[Unknown]

And then if it ever sparks a shoot dude memory that you have, Jackie or Shane, please.

[Shane Top]

Of course, of course.

[Jackie]

Shoot dude.

[Unknown]

Shoot dude.

[Jackie]

Shoot dude.

[Shane Top]

Shoot dude. Shoot Shoot dude.

[Jackie]

Shoot shoot.

[Unknown]

Dud.

[Shane Top]

Shoot dude.

[Unknown]

Okay, so this first one is from Amber. One night when my dad wasn't home, I went into his closet to look for one of my shirts, thinking he accidentally took it only to open the door to see this pink sheet dropped over something. It took my brain approximately 1.2 seconds to realize that what the sheet was covering had the outline of a human body. So, of course I ran. My first thought was, oh, my omg. My dad killed somebody and stuffed them under a pink sheet in his closet. Only to come back after I calmed down and realized the body was made of rubber. I had accidentally found my dad's sex doll. I closed the door and never spoke of it until now.

[Shane Top]

Oh, shoot. Shoot.

[Jackie]

No.

[Shane Top]

Oh, that's. That's.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

That's rough.

[Jackie]

Yeah, that's not okay.

[Shane Top]

And it's also a creep. That's also like. I don't know. That's a creepy way to, like, have it in storage, have just a sheet over it.

[Jackie]

Yeah, but how else do you store.

[Shane Top]

Like, my bride, my bride, her veil.

[Unknown]

How else do you store a sex doll?

[Shane Top]

I mean, there's really not a.

[Jackie]

Like a rubber one.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, there's really no good way. There's no good way. But that, to me seems like the worst way.

[Jackie]

Ask question, though, because she. In the beginning, she said, I went into my dad's closet because I thought he had my shirt. And I'm like, is your dad wearing Amber's clothes?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I mean. I mean, I wear a lot of oversized on the T shirts, you know. Whoa. Whoa.

[Shane Top]

Oh, that's a rough.

[Unknown]

No, no, no.

[Jackie]

Is that too far? That's.

[Shane Top]

It's not.

[Unknown]

It's not technically my head to, like, try and make sense of the situation was like, oh, she wears, like, oversized T shirts. And so maybe her dad accidentally took her oversized T shirt.

[Shane Top]

So that's a possibility. And also, unfortunately, Jackie, that is a possibility. But what I think, because we've had other Shoot, dudes. Where someone's like, oh, I happen to be looking through this drawer. I think maybe Amber was just snooping around. Like.

[Jackie]

Okay.

[Shane Top]

She doesn't want to say, like, oh, I was looking through my dad's stuff around their old. Yeah, kids. Kids do that. So she can't just. She can't just say, oh, I was looking through my dad's closet.

[Unknown]

But it's.

[Shane Top]

And maybe. And she might have already been like, sketch. Like, might have glimpsed something in the closet once and was like, wait. So I'm gonna go look. See what. Yeah. With binoculars from.

[Unknown]

I've never found anything like that in my parents closet.

[Shane Top]

I never. I never snoop my parents stuff because friends told me about stuff like that.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I mean, I used to hide my mom's closet. She had this gold purse that was like that loose metal sequiny chain pattern.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And I would hide in her closet and just touch the purse. And then my dad keeps, like. Because, you know, I grew up Mormon, so my dad kept all like, the PG13 rated R DVDs in the closet, which were like. They weren't even bad movies. It was like Groundhog Day and like, stuff like that. That's funny. But, God.

[Shane Top]

Oh, that's rough. That's really rough.

[Jackie]

That's like a line you just don't want to cross with your parents. Like, I'm like, cool. No, I don't want to know. I just don't want to know.

[Shane Top]

That's. Oh, man.

[Unknown]

Especially if you're still living. It's possible. She was like. She's like, pretty young. So, like, that's just rough to be at that age and finding out.

[Shane Top]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

Awful.

[Jackie]

Don't want it. Don't eat it.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, that's. That's. That's the dude. I can't really. Finding a dead body would be the only thing worse.

[Unknown]

I would almost know. I was gonna say, I would almost prefer to find a dead body than a sex doll. But, you know.

[Shane Top]

Cause then I'd rather my dad be a serial killer than just have a sex doll.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Do you wanna read the next one, Shane?

[Shane Top]

Okay, I just picked a random one. This is a short one because I figure we can do a bunch in this episode. Who's it from? It's from Purav. I believe that's P U R A V they wrote. When my girlfriend and I were 15, her mom walked in on us redressing after sex. She said nothing, closed the door and left. My girlfriend was too embarrassed to go downstairs, so I went downstairs instead and All I could say when I saw her mom was, I don't know what you thought we were doing, but it wasn't sex.

[Jackie]

Oh, no.

[Unknown]

Oh, is that it?

[Shane Top]

That's it.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. I want to know the rest.

[Shane Top]

I don't know what you think we were doing, but it definitely was sex.

[Jackie]

Just to put your mind at ease, it was not sex. No sex was being had.

[Shane Top]

Pardon me, madame. Whatever you saw back there was certainly not intimate, m'lady.

[Unknown]

Twas not the sex.

[Jackie]

Twas not the sex I was having with your daughter.

[Unknown]

No, that's a shoot, dude. But like, that's a shoot dude, because. Dude, don't say that. Shoot. Don't say that. I've never even come close to anything like that. I don't think, like.

[Shane Top]

No, oh my God. I don't say that. I didn't because I didn't because I was a virgin when I was a teenager, so that was not happening.

[Unknown]

So you didn't have to.

[Shane Top]

But I also, I probably. That would have been me, like, if that happened, I would have probably been like, damaged. We definitely weren't having sex.

[Unknown]

That's actually messed up that the daughter of her, like, that's her parents. She refused to go downstairs, but the boyfriend had the balls to go downstairs and face the parents. So kudos to the boyfriend because, like, that's tough. Like trying having the courage to go down and try and make things better for. But like, that girl should have man, like, nut up.

[Jackie]

Yeah, nut up or ove up.

[Unknown]

Yeah, ove up.

[Jackie]

Ove up.

[Shane Top]

Ove up is my favorite saying.

[Jackie]

Ove up, ove up, girl.

[Shane Top]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, we definitely weren't having sex.

[Unknown]

It was not the sex at all, madame. All right, let's do this long one. This one's from Danny. This ha. Oh, it's an Australia one. This happened a few years ago in Australia where I live. I used to work at night market in Brisbane and sometimes had a few creeps try to follow me home. So my dad bought me a flick knife. Highly illegal in the Australian continent. In case, if I ever had to bluff my way out of a situation. It was actually a light. It was actually lighter in the shape.

[Shane Top]

It was a. It was a lighter. Like, it was a.

[Unknown]

Are you reading it?

[Shane Top]

I'm looking at it too. Don't. Don't what? I'm sorry, but it was a. It was a lighter.

[Unknown]

A lighter in the shape of a grenade that had a hidden blade flick out that when you pressed a button. So it not only looked like a grenade, but it was also nice. It just lived in the bottom of my bag, and I kind of forgot about it and applied for a job for security at the airport and went for a group interview. Of course, they took us out to the back to show us how it all worked, and we, too, had to put our bags through the X rays. Lo and behold, they find the knife, which I had totally forgotten about because I was so nervous. They had to call the police, and I was arrested and the court date set. I should have been charged with having a weapon in a sterile environment, which is a commonwealth offense, the worst kind. And being from New Zealand, I could have been deported or at least gone to jail.

[Jackie]

Oh, my God.

[Unknown]

Luckily, because I was cooperating with the police and obviously didn't plan to bring a knife to a job interview for security at an airport, they just charged me with having a weapon in public, went to my court date, and they took people in in groups. My judge was basically Judge Judy, a very severe older lady, and I was last. Everyone who went before me got her full wrath, and I was sure she was going to destroy me. I go, I got up there, and she just goes, oh, you must be so embarrassed. Because she saw how ridiculous the situation was. She let me off with a good behavior bond. Not even a fine. Needless to say, I didn't get the job, though. They said I interviewed really well and I would have gotten it. Can't ever get a security license now, though. Aw. Still to this day, telling this story makes me want to crawl into a hole and die. Shoot, dude. Oh, my goodness. That sucks. That's, like. That always happens with, like. Dude, purses have weird juju, okay? Because, like, when I switch a purse, for some reason, I forget the one thing in, like, a purse that I always like that I always need. Like, there's always some crap going wrong with purses.

[Jackie]

Have you ever gotten stopped and searched at the airport or anything?

[Unknown]

Like, when my bag goes through the scanner or like. Or, like, randomly selected, like, your bag.

[Jackie]

Goes through and then you get pulled to the side and you go through all your stuff.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I have.

[Shane Top]

And they have to go through every single thing. Dude, you know what's. You know what's weird? And I think he has no problem with me saying this. Damien gets randomly selected every single time. And I mean.

[Jackie]

And he's random.

[Shane Top]

And he. And he told me this. He told me this once, and I was like, okay, maybe you get. You've gotten selected a couple of times, and you're going. You're exaggerating here. And then every time we flew, and we flew in Australia, we've flown on tour, he had gotten randomly selected every time. And I've never been. I've never. I've never been randomly selected. Damien got randomly selected every single time. And in general, you know, Damien and I look the exact same. We're Both just like, 20, late 20s, white dudes, but he gets randomly selected every time. And I was like, his name. I'm wondering if there's just like, some sort of algorithm with, like, your last name or, like, I don't know. But, like, clearly. Clearly he's getting selected.

[Unknown]

That's clearly weird.

[Shane Top]

I don't know. He can talk about it, whatever. I don't think he has any problem with me saying that, but.

[Unknown]

But yeah, that's so weird. I think I've been like, what? And they just did, like, the hand wipe for the. For that randomly selected thing. But, yeah, dude, it sucks when they go through your bag. It really sucks.

[Shane Top]

I'm pretty good about it because my dad's a pilot, so I knew. I've always known, like, exactly how to avoid it. And I'm pretty intense about just not having anything that even resembles anything.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

I was flying to Vegas for my birthday, so it was like, my 25th birthday. I was super excited. And I was flying out of lax. I was running late. I was already running late. And I had the bag. I had two bags. I had one bag with just, like, my stuff in it, and I had another bag that had all of the snacks in it. And so I have this huge duffel bag of just, like, Cheetos and eato. Like, all of the ITOs were in this bag. And I don't know what else was in the bag. Like, I think. I don't know what else was in the bag, but I got stopped and I was like, I don't have anything. I think, yeah. Because I fly with lotion, but I always check it. I don't know. Basically, they stopped me. They went through. They tested everything in my bag, and it made me, like, super late to my flight. And so then I'm running over, I'm running, and I'm freaking out because it's my birthday. And I'm like, I was supposed to fly in early because I was supposed to set up. Set up the room. I was supposed to set up the room. I had the streamers in the bag. Like, I was really excited. And then in the process of them searching my bag, I misplaced my driver's license and my boarding pass. So then I Yeah, I got stuck at the. I just could not find it in time. And so I was on the standby list and then they kept bumping me off of the list. Oh, it was. And I. So then I just like sat in a corridor and cried for a moment.

[Shane Top]

But you eventually, you eventually made it.

[Jackie]

Eventually I made it. And I was just. I was just so. I was just so bummed because I live on. I was like, let me not, like, expose.

[Unknown]

Yeah, try not to doxx yourself.

[Jackie]

Let me not do that. I live a fair distance away from the lax I.

[Shane Top]

Who doesn't Everybody know.

[Unknown]

It's always there.

[Shane Top]

It's impossible to live close to lax. Like, it's. It's. Even if you live. Even if you live a mile away from lax, you live forever away from lax. It's so hard to get to.

[Jackie]

Yeah. So I just was like. I was already up super. It was just a mess.

[Unknown]

That's a shoot, dude.

[Jackie]

But it's fine.

[Shane Top]

That's a.

[Unknown]

That's a shoot, dude.

[Shane Top]

That's a. That's a. That's a little shoot, dude.

[Jackie]

I feel bad for this guy too, because it's like criminal offenses that are being brought up against him.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, this. That sucks. And I like things. I love the situation. I'm just like, no, no, no, it's not a grenade. It's just a knife.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane Top]

Guys, relax.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

Kill that many people with it.

[Unknown]

I don't know if you remember this, Shane, but whenever we flew to Sacramento, I used to have this keychain that was brass knuckles, but it was literally. I'm holding my hand up and put. I'm touching my finger like a pin.

[Shane Top]

Pin size.

[Unknown]

It was literally like a. Like a two year old or like a baby couldn't fit their hand into this brass knuckles. It was so small and yet I would get stopped and TSA would be like, what is this? I mean, like, this is a keychain. Like, you can't have this. I'm like, how? How can I hurt somebody?

[Shane Top]

If you trained a small monkey to use this, you could take over a plane.

[Unknown]

I could hurt more people with my actual keys than this little keychain. I also once had to. I was trying to fly to Utah to see my mom. She doesn't live there anymore. I was waiting at my gate and I had my headphones in and I was playing balloon. Balloon tower defense. You guys know that game? Yeah, it's like we pop balloons and it's just like monkeys popping balloons. It's awesome. And I was so into it that I missed on the intercom that my gate changed and I missed my flight. It was a late night flight, the last one of the evening and I had taken my dad's giant ass Toyota truck which took. I had, I had to park it at a different lot, get shuttled to the airport. It's Southwest. So luckily they'll like just oh, just get on this next flight and don't even worry about it. But it was like, okay, you're going to go on the 5am flight. And I like, was like, dude, I don't even feel like going back home. So like I ended up staying home or. No, not staying home, staying in the airport. Like outside, like near the staircase. And there was like one other person there. It was so eerie. Just like waiting there overnight. I spent most of it watching videos on the history and storyline of the Legend of Zelda saga.

[Shane Top]

That's not too bad. That's not too bad.

[Jackie]

So at least got important information.

[Shane Top]

I remember, I remember getting stuck at the airport when I was a kid. There was one time where my mom and I were stuck in the airport from like 7am until midnight that night at the Albuquerque airport, which is actually a nice airport. But back then all I had was a Game Boy advance.

[Unknown]

Those batteries.

[Shane Top]

Yeah. And also just like you would play a game for a little bit but back then like you just, you just kind of got bored of that and then you just didn't have anything else. And I didn't have a phone. I did not have anything. I didn't have a way to watch stuff. It's weird because that feels like it's the medieval ages now, but right. Because now getting, getting stuck at an airport isn't as bad now. Like I don't know because I'll bring like a Kindle and a switch and my phone. I have ways to watch just endless stuff.

[Unknown]

Yeah. But back then you definitely can occupy yourself more.

[Shane Top]

For sure.

[Jackie]

You have like your one book you got from the library and you're like, do I spend it? Do I read it all now? Or do I take a ton of money?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Do I save the story? Yeah, dude. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

[Jackie]

Can't go too hard.

[Shane Top]

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[Jackie]

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[Shane Top]

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[Shane Top]

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[Shane Top]

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[Jackie]

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[Unknown]

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[Shane Top]

Let's see.

[Unknown]

All right.

[Jackie]

I can read one if you want.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I didn't know. Yeah, read it.

[Jackie]

All right. This one is from Jenna. I was with my cousins, and we decided to order pizza. I had remembered that I had the number of a pizza place in my phone because a few days ago, I had a party when my parents were away and my friends ordered pizza in my phone. I called the number. Sorry, reading. I called the number and ordered the pizza. The person took my order but didn't ask for my address. So I called back about seven times until I realized that the number belonged to the dad of a boy who I liked at the time and. And had called his dad on my phone on the night of the party. I was so embarrassed. But it was made worse when I saw him at my friend's house that weekend. He asked me why I called his dad eight times and ordered pizza from him. And exposed in front of all our friends who continue to make fun of me for it.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. Shoot, dude.

[Shane Top]

So she was set up. Am I. Am I misunderstanding that, like, someone put that under in her phone?

[Unknown]

I think maybe it was, like, in her recent. Recent calls or something. The phone number. But why would the dad. Okay, this is my question. She calls this number. Hi, I'd like to order a pizza for delivery. And this dad is like, okay. And then he. She orders a pizza, and he's like, okay. And hangs up.

[Jackie]

Why would he.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, she went through a whole pizza order and thought it was a pizza place and hung up. Which means the dad played along.

[Unknown]

Maybe he thought he was being prank called.

[Shane Top]

I don't know. That's. That's actually possible.

[Jackie]

Yeah. Did he pick up? I want to know if he picked up after. Like, does he pick up every time?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Also, yeah, he just says, hello. He doesn't go like, poppy's pizza.

[Shane Top]

At no point did he say, stop calling. This isn't a pizza place.

[Unknown]

Like, yeah, what a weird.

[Shane Top]

I don't know. The dad. The dad's weird. The dad's weird in this.

[Jackie]

The dad's the weirdest.

[Unknown]

Yeah, he's.

[Shane Top]

The dad's weird.

[Unknown]

Have you guys ever prank called somebody?

[Jackie]

I don't like pranks.

[Unknown]

You don't like pranks?

[Shane Top]

You don't like pranks.

[Unknown]

Neither do I really, but, like, I don't.

[Jackie]

I Cannot get down with, with pranks because I just feel like, I feel like they go into me. There's a fine line between a prank being really good and then a prank getting mean spirited and then the prank only being like, good for the person that pulled the prank. I used to work at an advertising agency, so we were like making moves, making deals.

[Shane Top]

You were Don Draper.

[Jackie]

I was Don Draper. Right. And my team used to really love pranks, but it would be like my boss was the one that really liked to do the pranks and I was an assistant. So it's like, it's just. It's also like a mind game when your boss is pranking you because you're like, I can't go as hard. I can never go as hard as you're trying to come for me. Like you're trying to come for me. But like, I'm trying to keep this job, you know?

[Unknown]

Like what kind of pranks? Like, haha, put your stapler in jello.

[Jackie]

Like, it was like they'd flip your screen or they would like hide under your desk for like hours until you came back so you would scream. Or they would like, we all had Nerf guns. So like shoot people with Nerf guns and all of this stuff. And yeah, I was always like, just don't prank me, just don't prank me and I won't prank you. So that was.

[Shane Top]

It's good you're putting this out there now.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

Because being in it, being in the smosh universe, getting pranked is a possibility. We used to do it a lot more. I have been at the unfortunate end of getting pranked quite a few times. Yeah, yeah. Quite quite a few times. There was one time where I got pranked literally twice in, In. In like the span of one week.

[Jackie]

Oh gosh.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, it was pretty brutal.

[Unknown]

What was twice in the week?

[Shane Top]

Well, so for one, I. I thought we were gonna have Logan Lerman on. You posted that. And then I. We were literally on.

[Unknown]

I know. Isn't he cute?

[Shane Top]

He literally, like, I saw him that day. He was like around our.

[Unknown]

Yeah, he did visit.

[Shane Top]

He's gonna be here. We're about to film and we start filming. And I, I'm like kind of just one of the sides people, their audience member, and then they're like, yeah, and our next contestant is Shane. And I was like, what? And I didn't know. And the whole point of the show was them to find embarrassing tweets of mine. And so they put me on the spot. And then the other one was, I thought we were going to. I was going to be doing a thing where Ian was going to be interviewing John Boyega while I like put like. I know, like while I was on a mic in a different building saying to him.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you were like in his. You were supposed to be in his.

[Shane Top]

In his ear making him say awful stuff. Well, it turns out I was. Then we get there and they're like, hey, Shane, get in this Kaiju suit, this dumb, this dumb God looking thing. Yeah. Dinosaur outfit. And you're gonna go in front of John Boyega while Ian tells you to do. And I was like, oh, what? And it was insane. But luckily, John Boyega was the coolest.

[Unknown]

Yeah. He's a. He's got a great attitude.

[Jackie]

That's. That's husband.

[Shane Top]

So I've gotten pranked like that. But also they got. Everyone threw me a surprise college graduation. So they've also done wholesome pranks.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

So it's tough. It's been very balanced out.

[Jackie]

When I watched that video, I like, honestly, I started crying a little bit and I was like. And I really didn't even know you like that, Shane. Like, but I watched that video and I was just like, it's just like these people, this is a family. Like they've all watched him on this journey and they're just like, wanted to sell. Celebrate him. I was just like, what a beautiful connections he's made over these years. And they're so supportive and it's just like, this is. This is beautiful.

[Shane Top]

Oh, yeah, it's definitely like. It's definitely like number one experience. It's very cool.

[Jackie]

It is so cool.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

I feel like the opposite of a shoot dude.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

My God. My. My worst prank. Okay. Obviously recently got like pranked in a haunted house around Halloween last year.

[Shane Top]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

That feels like yesterday. But then the one. I can't even tell if it's like a good prank or like it's like a wholesome prank or. It's a shoot dude. Honestly, is what it is. Was when they surprised me with Chris Pratt on. You hosted that.

[Shane Top]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And that. That dude. And they read my tweets talking about getting sexy with Star Lord, like, dude. While Groot watched like hud so bad.

[Shane Top]

But Chris Pratt was really cool.

[Unknown]

Yeah, he was really sweet. He called me sweetheart at the end and, like, gave me a hug. I forgot to smell him. Jesus.

[Jackie]

Missed opportunity.

[Unknown]

I didn't. I forgot to smell John Boyega because that was like a lot of people's first question. When I told. When they like wanted to know about the experience. Like, what did he smell like?

[Shane Top]

Okay. Oh, and guys are all weird.

[Jackie]

Listen, like, did you smell his armpit or what? Yeah, I don't care about his personality. What did he smell like?

[Unknown]

Bo, but, like, it was hot Bo, you know?

[Jackie]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Yeah. No, that was. That was interesting. And then I.

[Shane Top]

Did his neck smell different than his arms?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Pranks are crazy, though. Yeah. So it's good to. Good to know. The wholesome pranks are my favorite too. Like, the graduation was a good, good old time.

[Jackie]

I could probably get down with like a wholesome prank or like, Like, I don't know. Sometimes. Sometimes I think the timing is what it is. I'm just like. If you could just. This is not a good time. It's not a good time for me to be pranked. My mental state is not great.

[Unknown]

Okay. All right. I'm looking for the next one.

[Shane Top]

Okay. I actually. I. Wait.

[Unknown]

Yeah, go for it. Go for it.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, I found one. It's pretty good, but it reminds me of. Of something.

[Unknown]

Well, she wouldn't read ahead. Boy, I thought.

[Shane Top]

What? Sorry. Okay, I can pick a different one then.

[Unknown]

No, just do it.

[Shane Top]

Just do it.

[Unknown]

It's still there.

[Shane Top]

So this is from Raiden. R E I D U N. I think it's Raiden, which is a dope name. I was like 8 or 9, and at my grandma's house, some of her friends were there too, with a dog. At the time. I was terrified of dogs because of a previous accident, so I just sat still and watched tv. However, the dog, a medium sized one, started to bark at me. I got scared and figured I could lock myself in the bathroom. When I ran and opened the door, my grandma's friend was on the toilet and had not locked the door. I was so embarrassed and scared, so I ran to my grandma and cried. Oh, that's a. That's a shoot, dude. But it reminds me. It was when Damian and I were flying back from Japan last year. I was on the flight. It was like, this is like it 2am and we're. Because we're on a, you know, overnight flight. And I go to the bathroom, I open the door, and there's just this old woman on the toilet. And she just immediately slams the door back in my face.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

Oh, shoot, dude.

[Unknown]

Shoot, dude.

[Shane Top]

Dude.

[Jackie]

Oh, shoot, dude. Sorry. Sorry.

[Shane Top]

Pretty. Oh, shoot, dude.

[Unknown]

Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot.

[Jackie]

You're shooting.

[Shane Top]

And then when we. When we were coming back from Australia, it's same thing. It's an overnight flight. I go to the bathroom, I start to just push the door open and it just slams back in my face. And I didn't know that. Open. Lock the door.

[Jackie]

Oh, God.

[Shane Top]

On a flight, lock the door. I thought the light doesn't even come on until you lock. Yeah, they don't. They're in there pooping in the dark.

[Jackie]

Yeah, Pooping in the dark. Why are they pooping in the dark? Are you a poop vampire?

[Shane Top]

God. I'm not the weird one here.

[Unknown]

A poopy vampire.

[Jackie]

What are you? It's not me. It's not me. I mean, it is kind of calming, though, just falling.

[Shane Top]

Falling down their back.

[Jackie]

Oh, God, it's so hard to wash your back, too.

[Unknown]

Washing your back is tough. Wow. I can never understand, like, I guess you can eat. Like, I cannot comprehend a fear of dogs.

[Shane Top]

I understand it.

[Jackie]

Yeah, me either. I don't get it either.

[Shane Top]

Are you scared? Are you scared of dogs?

[Unknown]

Have you had a scary experience?

[Shane Top]

I get it, man. If dogs. If dogs lash out, it's scary. I fully understand, okay?

[Jackie]

I've never had any pets. Right? And I've never had any pets. I have a. Like. Like, for a long time, I've been working really hard on it. For a long time. I just really didn't like things that moved fast at my face or, like, towards me. So, like, you know when you're, like, laying down and playing with the baby, and then the baby, she's, like, starts crawling at you, like. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Or the jolt, like. Yeah.

[Jackie]

You're just like, whoa, wait. Hey, back up, baby.

[Unknown]

Baby, we don't know each other like that.

[Jackie]

Baby, you're brand new, okay?

[Shane Top]

I think you're new to this whole life thing, man. You need a back. Back up.

[Jackie]

Yeah, up. It's kind of the same thing with dogs. And even, like, when cats move, like, very, like. Like very quickly. That. Yeah, but I'm more. So I get. I get freaked out when there are big dogs and they're excited.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah. They don't. They're, like, unaware of their size.

[Jackie]

They just start, like. They just, like, start, like, running in circles and stuff. And their energy starts, like. They're just a really hype. And then, like, like, my energy starts to, like, get like, oh, no. What are we about to do, guys? What are we about to do? Oh, there's one time my friend's dog started barking, and it freaked me out so bad that I literally just jumped onto the island. And, like, that's, like a very.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's just.

[Shane Top]

That's some. That's some looney. That's a Looney Tunes Reaction there. You, you, you. You Scooby'd. You Scooby'd into Shaggy's arms.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Yes. I've gotten a lot better, though. I'm good with, like, medium size and below and really old dogs with, like, cataracts. Like, those are my.

[Shane Top]

I love old dogs. Old dogs that, like, can hardly move or anything, but they're still. They're still excited.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

So you just see their tail wagging a little bit. I love. I love them super calm.

[Unknown]

So unfazed by. I think it's because, like, my first dog from. Because we had one when I was a baby, but I don't remember it. But when I was in high school, we had this dog. She was huge, but she was really patient. But also, like, had, like, she would throw tantrums and stuff. And I got used to, like, wrestling down a big dog when they were having tantrums. And then Mielle from Vine and, like, she used to do Anthony and stuff. Her and I were really close friends. And she had this rescue chihuahua that would just randomly, like, get rabid and just start, like, attacking your hands. But, like, I got to the point where I was so, like, I would just, like, put my hand in his face, be, like, stop biting my hand. Like, I didn't even care. Like, I. It was just. It didn't bother me at all.

[Shane Top]

I love. I love. I love big dogs that I can wrestle. I just love it. I just love taking them down.

[Unknown]

Loved playing with you. You're. You're a great. You're a great dog. Babysitter.

[Shane Top]

I just. I love a dude. My dogs growing up, they were Australian shepherds, but they were huge. They were, like, 80 pounds. Oh, Lord. They came from a family, like a. Like a family of. Of. Of Australian shepherds that were just, like, twice the size.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

But I loved just, like. Just, like, tackling them. Like, that's all I wanted to do. I love it, love it so much. I wish I could have a dog, man. But I live in such a small place, and I'm outside of quarantine. I'm never home.

[Unknown]

So I. I'm. My brain. I'm constantly at war with, like, okay, maybe I can foster a cat while I'm here. But then sometimes I see such funny videos of, like, chunky Chihuahuas, dude. And like, oh, that looks so.

[Shane Top]

Every. At the end of the day, any dog is the best dog. I mean, it's just. Or cat. I don't know. I. Yeah, but I also. But I also understand. I had a friend, my best Friend growing up was terrified of dogs because he had a dog bite him and then. But then they eventually got a dog when he was a little bit older, and he, like, you know, eventually. It's not a matter of liking dogs or cats in general. You eventually find. Find you get a dog. And you love that.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

It's why people have their breeds that they're like, oh, Pomerate. My family only has Pomeranians because they're the best. I'm like, any dog would be that dog.

[Unknown]

It's that family dog. I will say, like, I've been attacked before. Like, actually, like, where I. I used to. I didn't have any friends in the first part of freshman year, just my dog Holly, and I would. I would bring her to the dog park every day, every evening, for hours. It was illegal dog park. It was, like, at a school field. And I basically was just like, friends.

[Shane Top]

The dogs did drugs, people.

[Unknown]

Yeah, the dogs did drugs. The owners supply the drugs. No. And I would hang out with a lot of, like, older people and, like, their. Their dogs, and, like, one of them was a rescue, and I think I got too close while it was like. Yeah, it was being territorial over, like, a hole, and I got chomped on the chin. Oh, a little bit of blood, but not much.

[Shane Top]

It was like, yeah, they'll just kind of. They'll just kind of warning snap at you, but it's jarring, man.

[Unknown]

They're strong.

[Shane Top]

Dogs are predators. I mean.

[Jackie]

Yeah, they are.

[Shane Top]

They are the descendants of wolves.

[Unknown]

It felt like the same stun of, like, getting hit in the face with a ball like that. Same Concentrated to my chin.

[Shane Top]

Yeah. It's shocking.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

Yeah. I don't think there's anything. Yeah, I fully understand.

[Jackie]

I'm waiting for. To have, like, a place where I live, where I have the space to have an animal, because I'm like, I think I could do it. I feel like I've been around enough dogs at this point that I could eventually do it, but I'd take some warming up.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Like, I'm like.

[Shane Top]

But. But also, I think. I think you would, like, get that. You could definitely go and get, like, an older cat that, like.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Shane Top]

Just wants to do its own thing.

[Unknown]

Like, that was. That was my idea.

[Shane Top]

It's like, hey, man, I'm gonna hang out over here. I respect you, but you hang out over there. Yeah, yeah. No, occasionally, but other than that, I'm gonna go chill.

[Unknown]

Yeah, man. Sometimes if just like, this close, man. I even had an email. I was like, this cat is available And I was like, ah. But I, I was like, I'm gonna hold off.

[Shane Top]

The second, the second a cat or dog entered, no matter what, if it was a Great Dane, I would be like, oh, well, I'm keeping him now. So that's why I'm like, I just can't.

[Unknown]

I mean, Great Dane.

[Shane Top]

I say that, but my neighbor actually has a Great Dane. And it actually works out, I think.

[Unknown]

Because yeah, no, they're very, they just chill. They just want. When I used to take Django to the dog park all the time, there was this giant Great Dane that literally. It was white with black blotches, so it literally looked like a cow.

[Jackie]

Those ones freak me out.

[Unknown]

He was, he was so gentle with Django. Yeah, I know, dude. They're, they're, they are so big.

[Shane Top]

Like big massive dogs are actually not really the main concern.

[Unknown]

Like they will squish you. They will try and sit in your lap.

[Shane Top]

Medium or small dogs are what will lash out. Usually though, feel like this is good information. I've never. Great Danes are never. Great Danes are terrified of, of everyone.

[Unknown]

Yeah, they are.

[Shane Top]

Scooby Doo is like real. Like they are, they're terrified of everything.

[Unknown]

And they can be very, they can be hyper. But like I, the, the one I knew that apparently was just a complete couch potato. It would like go to the dog park and like Django would run circles around it and like chomp at his legs and he would just kind of go like just like. Yeah, it's floppy cheeks. Just, just moving around and he would just jog for like 10ft. And that was the most exercise it would get.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Unknown]

Purchase necessary VGW Group void where prohibited by law 21/ Terms and Conditions apply.

Okay. We talked about dogs for a while. I think this is like we can only do one or two more. Do you want to read one, Jackie?

[Jackie]

Yeah, I'm kind of bad at reading.

[Unknown]

You nailed it. You nailed it.

[Jackie]

Let me zoom in on, Let me see if I can zoom in. Okay, I'm going to do, I'll do A short one. My mom, my two siblings, and I got McDonald's a while back, and my mom paid in cash. She got $0.69 back, and I laughed because I've been on the Internet way too long. She then proceeded to yell at me for 20 minutes about how unholy I've become and how the Internet has tainted my soul.

[Unknown]

Shoot, dude. Wow.

[Shane Top]

Whoa.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

Wait, where was this at?

[Jackie]

@ McDonald's.

[Unknown]

They went TikTok yelling in the middle of the McDonald's. The pigeons outside are like, oh, damn. How dare.

[Jackie]

You know what 69 means? You are at holy chastity.

[Shane Top]

How dare you desecrate this holy holy building. The golden arches are above us, and you dare.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

You dare insult Ronald McDonald.

[Unknown]

I feel like people, like, laugh at 69 before they even actually know what it is.

[Shane Top]

Oh, yeah. It was a joke. It was a joke.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Jackie]

69. What is that?

[Unknown]

What even is it?

[Shane Top]

I. I'm. Look, I'm not gonna lie. Even if I'm completely by myself and 69, something somehow comes up, like, it's my change or. Or I just see it. I just see the number. There's a part of me, even by myself, that's just kind of like, hell, yeah.

[Unknown]

I never think about it.

[Shane Top]

Dope.

[Unknown]

420. I do.

[Shane Top]

420. I did. Yeah. If I get 420. 69 anywhere. If I see that combination, oh, it's over. Oh.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Jackie]

Whenever I set, like, the temperature anywhere, I'm always just like, oh, my God. Just like.

[Shane Top]

Or when you're driving and you just hit 69 for a second, and it's just like, nice.

[Unknown]

All right.

[Shane Top]

Other cars. Other cars can tell when. When you're driving at 69 miles per.

[Unknown]

Hour, you just see people honking in celebration. Okay, so this one's from Evan. Evan says this girl and I had been dating for a few months in high school. We were both 17 and lived far enough apart that we would meet at a carpool and go from.

[Jackie]

From.

[Unknown]

Go out from there. After a night at the movies, we went back to the carpool, and I gave her a necklace as a gift. Oh. As a thank you. She kissed me. Not just a kiss. She Frenched me quick and held it for a long time. She fresh and held it.

[Jackie]

She french so hard.

[Unknown]

She held it. When we were. When we were finished, I was nervous and caught off guard. She asked, what did you think of that? I knew that she. What she wanted because she had made a move before, and I wasn't. I wasn't not okay with it. I've always been a movie guy and quoted them often. Why I had the movie Airplane on my mind, I don't know. But my reply to her was, have you ever seen a grown man naked? No. What? She sat back with an odd look on her face and said, you know, I work at a nursing home. I see grown men naked all the. I think it was two weeks later we broke up. Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

Are they both Drax the Destroyer?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Shane Top]

What did you think of that? This sounds like two androids that were programmed to, like, oh, my goodness date. And they're not good at it at all. I don't know. He's embarrassed for himself. Look, maybe. Maybe I'm just being weird here. He's embarrassed for himself. I think she's weirder in this situation. She's the one who, like, Frenchman was just like, what did you think of that?

[Unknown]

Well, what is it?

[Jackie]

What did you think?

[Shane Top]

What did you think of that French that I just held?

[Unknown]

I'm sure they're both. They're both. When you're uncomfortable, you, like, quote or, like, do something funny or what you think is witty to, like, make yourself feel better in the situation. But I don't like, dude. Unless you guys were talking about the movie Airplane or, like, new every quote to the movie. Don't say that. Like, what the heck? But I would. I can see myself being in that situation. I can totally be that dumbass that's like, I don't know how to react. So I'm gonna quote a very obscure movie line.

[Shane Top]

How was that? And you quote, anchorman Milk was a bad choice.

[Jackie]

Oh, gosh.

[Unknown]

I always.

[Jackie]

Have you ever heard those stories of, like, when people make out and then. And they've, like, there's like, someone had a peanut allergy. That's like, my night.

[Shane Top]

I've never heard of this.

[Unknown]

You've never heard of that?

[Shane Top]

Oh, but now I've got the visual. Ho.

[Jackie]

Milk made me think of that when you said that, like. Cause I'm lactose intolerant. But I mean, it wouldn't have the same effect. But yeah, if you had. If someone has, like, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then the person you're making out with has a peanut allergy. Fireworks. That's all I'm saying.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, dude. I heard stories about, like, a guy, he had shook hands with a man who had eaten a peanut butter sandwich, and then he went home and hugged his daughter, and she had, like, red hand marks on her back.

[Shane Top]

Like, that sensitive man. If you Kiss someone. And they just started to puff up. You'd be like, wow, I'm really good.

[Unknown]

At kissing.

[Jackie]

Deep lips.

[Shane Top]

I'm dying. Oh, my God. Am I that good at kissing that you're dying? So, yeah, okay.

[Unknown]

Oh, it's all. Yeah. It's boxed in red. Jackie, do you want to read it or do you. Shane, do you want Shane to read it?

[Shane Top]

Jackie, I see you take it away.

[Jackie]

All right.

[Shane Top]

I think this is our last. Our last one.

[Jackie]

All right. My name is Jacob. After I graduated high school, I went to a community college in Flint, Michigan. So, like, normal, I had to drive there and park in a parking structure. After walking up the stairs, crossing the bridge, I saw a girl about my age look at me really angrily. She runs up to the.

[Shane Top]

The.

[Jackie]

She runs up to me, punches me in the balls. What? And yells, this is what you get for dumping me. Twist of the story. I'm not her ex boyfriend. I've never met this girl in my life. After realizing that was such. Such a shoot dude.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

She didn't know what to say. I was on the ground, and she just yelled, I'm sorry, and ran away. And I have never seen her again.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. What?

[Shane Top]

What?

[Jackie]

That's a shoot dude for her.

[Unknown]

Like, that's like.

[Shane Top]

That's the weight. She.

[Unknown]

She thought he was her ex ex.

[Shane Top]

But to walk, to run up to him and punch him in the balls and then realize it's not your ex.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Like, wait, your balls felt different this time.

[Shane Top]

Yeah. I like how it's punching his balls that made her realize.

[Unknown]

Wait, hold on. Looks at her hand.

[Jackie]

Oh, my God. That wasn't you. I'm sorry.

[Shane Top]

Sorry. My ex's bulge was way larger than. You're just like, dude here on the ground, writhing in pain. Like, oh, my God.

[Jackie]

He's just, like, in pain. I'm like, wow. And you're roasting me. Okay.

[Unknown]

She must have been.

[Shane Top]

What is this?

[Unknown]

She must have been really seeing red to, like, see someone and think it's her ex boyfriend, but she's in a.

[Shane Top]

Parking structure just looking for him. What?

[Unknown]

Well, remember when. Or maybe she didn't expect to see him? Remember when I thought I saw my ex and I was, like, convinced for months, but, like, there's no way it was him.

[Shane Top]

That's right. I guess that that does. I will admit that does kind of happen sometimes. Like, if you're going through a tough breakup, that. That first two weeks, you're kind of just like. You're. They're thinking about him so much that you might See them, but it's not that.

[Unknown]

Basically, Jackie, what happened to me was I was literally like 6:30 in the morning, I was so tired, about to go into a shoot. I had Django with me, took Django out to go pee. And then, like, I just suddenly see someone on a bicycle rolling by really slowly. And I was like, oh. I thought immediately I saw them, and I was like, oh, my God, that's my ex. Like, the way their demeanor was on the bicycle and. And then as they rolled right past me, literally like six feet away from me, I stared them dead in the face. And I was like, that's my ex. What the hell? And he, like, looked at me and then he kept writing and then like, waved as he left. And I was like, that was my ex. That was my ex. But my ex lives, like, hours and hours away, so there's no way at six in the morning, right when I was outside letting my dog relieve themselves, like that. It was like, no, but it looked like my brain was like, that was them.

[Jackie]

That has to be that person.

[Unknown]

But like. Yeah, yeah. So sorry, I totally cut you off, Shane. But that was. That was what happened to me. And like, I. To this day, and like, still I look in my brain and like, that. That face, that's crazy.

[Shane Top]

That's crazy, though. But. But for her to go and punch him in the balls.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, dude.

[Shane Top]

But also for him to let. For him to let her get that close and then punch him in the balls is also suspect.

[Jackie]

That's true. I feel like guys have, like. If you've ever tried to punch a guy in the balls, they're always just like, like, like, they're just like.

[Unknown]

They know to protect.

[Jackie]

It's just this natural. It's like, no. Never seen, like, faster reflexes. And when a guy's, like, trying to protect his goods. Oh, yeah, he was just too slow.

[Unknown]

I. I've had some successful shots in my day. I've accidentally hit you sometimes, Shane, where I'll like.

[Shane Top]

I don't think I ever got, like. Yeah. But it never. Never, like, fully. I never stopped you in the never, like. And. Yeah, they're, you know.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I remember one time I never, ever tried to sock somebody in the crotch before. Except for once in middle school. And I hit this kid because he was being mean. He called me ugly at the park. And it was like seventh or eighth grade. And I punched him there and he's like, ha. You miss? And I'm like, how the fuck do I miss? I hit there.

[Shane Top]

Depends, man. You know, sometimes Sometimes they're, you know, the rearrangement can. Can be deceiving the top. Yeah, exactly. Or, you know, just. It just. It's, you know, you never know.

[Unknown]

Sometimes just put them in a scrunchie.

[Shane Top]

Sure, sure. I feel like that'd be setting you up for worse pain, but sure, we'll go with that.

[Unknown]

That was really fun. Jackie, how do you feel about your first Smosh cast?

[Jackie]

I feel good. You guys are so easy to talk to, so.

[Shane Top]

Thanks.

[Jackie]

Just hanging with my friends.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Wait, really quick. Did you pick. Did you paint those on your wall? The painting canvases?

[Jackie]

No, I did not. They're actually from Target and if you watch Love is Blind, they're actually in Love is Blind.

[Shane Top]

Oh, really?

[Jackie]

Yeah, when they open the. When they're like meeting each other for the first time in that hallway, in the hallway, you can. Where they have like all the set dressing. You can see those. And I'm just like, that's pretty great.

[Shane Top]

That's pretty great.

[Jackie]

And I was like, I love that. What?

[Unknown]

Dude, my art is. Is super basic too. My stuff's all from like some website and like I've seen them in other YouTubers homes.

[Shane Top]

Yeah, you're just gonna see it all over the place.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I'm basic.

[Jackie]

Whatever makes me happy though. So.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that was a good episode, I think.

[Shane Top]

I believe so.

[Unknown]

I believe so.

[Jackie]

Felt good.

[Unknown]

Those are some really funny shoot dudes. And for those listening or watching, if you wanna submit an embarrassing story that makes us laugh or it's just like crazy like if you know basically just like the ones that we. We've read today.

[Shane Top]

A light hearted embarrassing story.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Don't expose yourself of your like actual, like, like if you killed something. Like we don't want to know about your actual crime.

[Shane Top]

Let's try to avoid severe trauma.

[Unknown]

Yeah, let's not trigger people.

[Shane Top]

Tell. Tell that shoot dude to a therapist.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, tell that one for.

[Shane Top]

For funny embarrassing like stuff like walking in on someone in the bathroom. That's a shoot dude in the dark.

[Jackie]

As their vampire pooping.

[Unknown]

Vampire pooping.

[Shane Top]

Yeah. Finding a vampire pooping is definitely a shoot dude.

[Unknown]

Oh my gosh. And yeah, you can send those to our. Our shoot dude email, which is Shoot dude smosh dot com. It's S H o O T D O o d shoot [e-mail]. and yeah, we have our merch available. We got these new flow, the floral hoodie and the tan pizza place hoodie. I love these so much. They're very comfortable and we always got that tie dye one in stock. I'm pretty sure it's always a win. And if you guys want to rate us on itunes or your listening apps, that would be awesome. We. We love doing the Smosh cast. We love talking, hanging out, and you guys watching and being joining us along for this good old happy boy time. And then, Jackie, do you want to, like, plug anything like.

[Shane Top]

Yeah. What's your handle where people can follow you?

[Jackie]

Where can people find me? You can find me on Instagram @BlackJack76. I misspell it for you. Blk. Oh, let me spell it again.

[Shane Top]

Let me. Let me do it again.

[Jackie]

Let me take two. You can find me on Instagram @blkjac76.

[Unknown]

Nice. Awesome. So, yeah, our audio episodes come out on Wednesday, and the full video episodes come out on our smash cast YouTube channel on Fridays. So subscribe or, you know, get. Get at us. We love it. Okay, love you guys. Bye.

[Shane Top]

Bye. Bye.

[Unknown]

Bye.

Step into the world of power, loyalty, and luck. I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. With family. Cannolis and spins mean everything. Now you want to get mixed up in the family business? Introducing the [e-mail] test your luck in the shadowy world of the Godfather slot. Someday, I will call upon you to do a service for me. Play the Godfather [e-mail]. welcome to the family. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void. We're prohibited by law. 21 plus terms and conditions apply.