S2: #70 - We Have a Debate About Literally Everything

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth – Season 2, Episode 70: "We Have a Debate About Literally Everything"

Release Date: July 8, 2020
Hosts: Shayne Topp (Short), Amanda Lehan-Canto (Tall), and a rotating Smosh friend
Description: Join the Smosh team as they delve into various topics, sharing their thoughts, internet finds, and entertaining debates.

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1. Introduction and Studio Shoot Recap

The episode kicks off with casual banter among the hosts, primarily focusing on their recent experience filming in the studio. Courtney Miller shares her excitement about being around the crew despite filming on her birthday.

• Courtney Miller [00:00]: “It was so nice to see everyone and at least, like, be social and be near people.”

Shayne Topp humorously compares rollerblading to Nickelback in the rock genre, setting a playful tone for the episode.

• Shayne Topp [00:15]: “Rollerblading is to the X Games what Nickelback is to rock. It's just a gross impersonation that is nothing more than just a tragedy to experience.”

The conversation shifts to personal health, with Courtney discussing her vision issues and the need to update her prescription.

• Courtney Miller [02:05]: “My coloboma... I'm going to be going to an eye doctor.”

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2. Transition to Debate Format

The hosts introduce a new segment featuring structured debates on various topics. Kevin McShane, the producer, is humorously dubbed "Kevin from Heaven" to serve as the tiebreaker.

• Ian Hecox [08:34]: “We're not just going to be rambling... there is a debate coming up soon.”

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3. Debates

a. Reading Is Still Cool vs. Reading Not Cool

Topic: Reading is still cool (Shayne) vs. Reading is not cool (Ian)

• Shayne Topp [10:30]: “Reading is incredibly cool... by saying reading is not cool is the desire to suppress knowledge and to suppress education.”

• Ian Hecox [11:34]: “A book is outdated technology... There's plenty of movies and documentaries that do that.”

Rebuttals:

• Shayne [12:52]: “If we're talking about convenience and advancement, nothing has advanced past books... Knowledge is gone then.”

• Ian [14:01]: “With a documentary, they can compress those ideas down into something that I could enjoy... Books are combustible.”

Conclusion:

Kevin McShane sides with Ian, highlighting the efficiency of modern media. Ultimately, Shane concedes with a humorous jab.

• Shayne [15:55]: “Reading is bad. Don't do it.”

b. Rollerblades vs. Skateboards

Topic: Rollerblades (Courtney) vs. Skateboards (Shayne)

• Courtney Miller [17:17]: “Rollerblading is very convenient... People don't look at rollerblades and see that kid's a rebel.”

• Shayne Topp [18:33]: “Skateboarding is so much more challenging. There's way more tricks you can do... Skateboards are just...”

Rebuttals:

• Courtney [20:05]: “Rollerblades have gel wheels, and they are much smoother for a much smoother ride... Rollerblades are safer.”

• Shayne [20:54]: “Rollerblading is to the X Games what Nickelback is to rock... It’s just used to establish bad guys in 90s high school movies.”

Conclusion:

Kevin favors Shane, noting the popularity and cultural impact of skateboarding.

• Kevin McShane [23:53]: “I give this one to Shane.”

c. Friends Is a Good Show vs. Friends Is a Bad Show

Topic: Friends is a good show (Courtney) vs. Friends is a bad show (Ian)

• Ian Hecox [24:32]: “When I go on a dating app and somebody lists Friends as their best show, I know immediately that I'm immediately suspicious of their taste... It has a laugh track.”

• Courtney Miller [25:22]: “It did normalize some unconventional things... the characters had a lot of progression.”

Rebuttals:

• Ian [26:33]: “What makes the cast so diverse...? The laugh track...”

• Courtney [27:32]: “There is a lack of racial diversity in the main cast, but so do so many TV shows today... Rachel is shown having to fire people...”

Conclusion:

Shayne awards the point to Courtney, criticizing Ian's lack of substantial arguments.

• Shayne [29:07]: “I give that one to Courtney.”

d. Birds Are Scarier vs. Fish Are Scarier

Topic: Birds are scarier (Ian) vs. Fish are scarier (Shayne)

• Ian Hecox [31:13]: “Sound is such an instigator for fear... Birds are scary because they can come at you fast and without... They’ve evolved but still have that instinct to rip you apart.”

• Shayne Topp [32:15]: “We are unaware of over 90% of the Earth's ocean... Fish live in the unknown... Cthulhu, Godzilla... Fish are from hell.”

Rebuttals:

• Courtney [33:20]: “Why are birds scary?”

• Shayne [34:27]: “Fish are from hell... Sharks are big and terrifying...”

Conclusion:

Kevin sides with Shane, citing the fearsome nature of many fish species.

• Kevin McShane [36:04]: “I give this one to Shane.”

e. Are Hot Cheetos Food or Not

Topic: Hot Cheetos are food (Courtney) vs. Hot Cheetos are not food (Shayne)

• Shayne Topp [37:37]: “Hot Cheetos are not technically in the category of food... They are the only good drugs... They extract hot cheetah blood...”

• Courtney Miller [39:08]: “Given the definition of food... It's edible... It's dehydrated cheese... It’s frickin' delicious.”

Rebuttals:

• Shayne [40:11]: “Hot Cheetos predate man... They are escape into evil... Donuts are just addictive drugs.”

• Courtney [41:21]: “Chili peppers are used to make snacks spicy... Cheetos are edible and have nutrition facts.”

Conclusion:

Shayne successfully defends his stance, albeit with humorous exaggerations.

• Shayne [42:27]: “I give this one to Shane.”

f. At Home Shoots vs. Studio Shoots

Topic: At home shoots (Ian) vs. Studio shoots (Courtney)

• Courtney Miller [44:09]: “Filming in a studio creates more job stability... more social interaction... You don’t have to worry about tech when you're just acting.”

• Ian Hecox [45:11]: “At home shoots allowed us to go back to our roots... It brings important perspective on making content...”

Rebuttals:

• Courtney [46:05]: “Teamwork and being able to work well with others... bond with the crew.”

• Ian [46:56]: “Courtney dumb. Ian smart.”

Conclusion:

Shayne awards the point to Courtney, citing Ian's lack of serious arguments.

• Shayne [47:38]: “I have to give the point to Courtney now.”

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4. Personal Stories and Shoot Dudes

The hosts share amusing personal anecdotes about minor injuries ("Shoot Dudes") they've experienced while working from home.

• Ian Hecox [51:23]: “I hit my cheekbone against the Febreze bottle... It hurt badly...”

• Shayne Topp [54:26]: “I have a burn on my left arm from cooking salmon...”

• Courtney Miller [54:53]: “I only had really bad acne...”

Kevin McShane contributes stories about his wife’s cooking mishaps, adding to the humorous tone.

• Kevin McShane [55:18]: “My wife burns herself a lot...”

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5. Conclusion and Promotions

The episode wraps up with the hosts reflecting on the fun and silliness of the debates, encouraging listeners to suggest future topics and participate in their "Shoot Dudes" segment. They also promote their new Groovy clothing line designed by Kell Lauren.

• Courtney Miller [56:07]: “We wanted to do this because it's fun and silly... provide you some serotonin...”

• Ian Hecox [57:05]: “We have a new line out. It's the Groovy line...”

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Shayne Topp [00:15]: “Rollerblading is to the X Games what Nickelback is to rock. It's just a gross impersonation that is nothing more than just a tragedy to experience.”

• Courtney Miller [10:30]: “Reading is incredibly cool... by saying reading is not cool is the desire to suppress knowledge and to suppress education.”

• Ian Hecox [11:34]: “A book is outdated technology... There's plenty of movies and documentaries that do that.”

• Shayne Topp [15:55]: “Reading is bad. Don't do it.”

• Courtney Miller [17:17]: “Rollerblading is very convenient... People don't look at rollerblades and see that kid's a rebel.”

• Shayne Topp [20:54]: “Rollerblading is to the X Games what Nickelback is to rock... It’s just used to establish bad guys in 90s high school movies.”

• Ian Hecox [24:32]: “When I go on a dating app and somebody lists Friends as their best show, I know immediately that I'm immediately suspicious of their taste... It has a laugh track.”

• Courtney Miller [25:22]: “It did normalize some unconventional things... the characters had a lot of progression.”

• Shayne Topp [37:37]: “Hot Cheetos are not technically in the category of food... They are the only good drugs...”

• Courtney Miller [39:08]: “Given the definition of food... It’s dehydrated cheese... It’s frickin’ delicious.”

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Final Thoughts

The episode of "Smosh Mouth" is a whirlwind of humorous debates covering a wide array of topics, from the merits of reading to the classification of Hot Cheetos. The hosts' playful chemistry and witty exchanges provide entertainment while also touching on more thoughtful discussions about media consumption and production methods. Whether you're a fan of Smosh or new to their content, this episode offers plenty of laughs and engaging conversations.

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Note: This summary captures the essence of the podcast episode, highlighting major debates and integrating notable quotes for authenticity and engagement.

Transcript

[Courtney Miller]

Ramble. It still felt really good to see everybody. Like, we filmed on my birthday and I. It's like, yeah, I was working on my birthday, but it was so nice to see everyone and at least, like, be social and be near people.

[Shane Topp]

Rollerblading is to the X Games what Nickelback is to rock. It's just a gross impersonation that is nothing more than just a tragedy to experience.

[Ian Hecox]

Courtney dumb Ian smart. Courtney dumb birds.

[Courtney Miller]

My God.

[Ian Hecox]

It'S scary. What does a fish do? I yield my time. Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to A Smosh cast.

[Courtney Miller]

A smash cast, guys.

[Ian Hecox]

Like, I think it's been like, four weeks since I've been on a Smosh cast.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Where'd you go?

[Shane Topp]

I haven't been on in a long time.

[Ian Hecox]

I've just been. Just mainly just been mainlining crack this whole time. Is that what you do with crack? I feel like that's a drug word. Is that an action, a drug? A drug adverb?

[Shane Topp]

I don't know. My crack experience is. Is not.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm only answering very high.

[Kevin McShane]

It is. It means to inject something.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh. Oh, I wouldn't.

[Shane Topp]

I don't think that works. Yeah. I think you are correctly doing crack.

[Ian Hecox]

You know, I think I'm going to not do crack.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

If it involves. Yeah. Hey, guys, what if we all just, like, didn't do crack?

[Shane Topp]

Would that be nuts?

[Courtney Miller]

You guys, I think I'm. My eyes are dying.

[Ian Hecox]

You think your eyes are dying?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. I've been getting so, like.

[Ian Hecox]

You have macular degeneration?

[Courtney Miller]

I believe so. My 23andMe said my eyes are going to be getting worse and worse and worse until I die. But I've been getting really bad headaches behind my left eye, like, so bad and, like, getting more and more often. I think it's because, like, I. Well, my left eye is the one with the. The. The tear in the pupil. My coloboma.

[Ian Hecox]

That's my coloboma.

[Courtney Miller]

My coloboma.

[Ian Hecox]

Coloboma.

[Courtney Miller]

My right eye actually has astigmatism, but that's my bad eye. I have been wearing my glasses, obviously, and I don't wear contacts. Also, my glasses are, like, a few years old now, so, like, my prescription's old, so I'm going to be going to an eye doctor. But do you remember the character from Loss? There was, like, an episode where his. The headaches was crazy. Everyone was like, oh, God, he's dying. And then they found out that he just needed glasses.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, really? That was. That was. The storyline in Lost was that he just needed Glasses for one episode.

[Shane Topp]

It was the best storyline.

[Courtney Miller]

It was the best episode of the whole series. And they even, like, they had to, like, break a couple pairs of glasses and fuse two different sides together to, like, help his eyes. And, like, that was.

[Shane Topp]

I don't remember this. I don't remember this episode.

[Courtney Miller]

It was the badass character. Like, the sexy character.

[Shane Topp]

They were all sexy.

[Ian Hecox]

They're all sexy. You had, like, Sawyer, who was. Who was the, like, prototypical, like, soap opera male lead. Like, he just didn't make any sense in that show. He just looked too pretty.

[Courtney Miller]

Sawyer, he. He was just like. He had, like, stubble and, like, brown hair. Right.

[Shane Topp]

And like, he had the long. The long. Honestly, I kind of have Sawyer hair.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, you do.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay, so it is the same character. Yeah, that guy needed glasses.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, it was him.

[Courtney Miller]

So I was like, oh, tough guy needs glasses.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, no. Well, that's why I don't wear glasses anymore.

[Shane Topp]

Now you're a nerd. That was his character arc.

[Courtney Miller]

You stopped. You're.

[Ian Hecox]

No, I just. I just don't use it for podcasts because I could see you guys so closely.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, nice.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, that's cool. So your eyes are dying. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it sounds like. And, you know, being the medical professional that I am. Isn't that. Migraine? Is that a migraine? Like, do you. Are you have sensitivity to light?

[Courtney Miller]

Not really. Not really sensitivity to light. Because, like, I'll be. I'll be in the sun, tanning, have a migraine or whatever, like a bad headache, and lay down and be tanning with my eyes closed, and it'll be like, going away.

[Ian Hecox]

Do you get nauseous?

[Courtney Miller]

No, it's just really bad. Back of the left eye.

[Ian Hecox]

You should probably. Yeah, you should probably change your prescription. Cause I. I'm going. Cause I was getting, like, eye strain when. Whenever I'd be playing video games for, like, a long time.

[Courtney Miller]

Often we're on our phones.

[Ian Hecox]

Like, do you get the pain looking at things up close or far away?

[Courtney Miller]

Close. But I do have bad vision where I can't read things far away. So it's like, I definitely have noticeably bad vision.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, just for the people that are. That are tuning in that didn't read the title, I just want to say we will be doing a very hardcore debate very soon. I wanted to let them know that we're not just going to be rambling. There was. There is a debate coming up soon.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, we're very excited. Did you want to talk at all about our social distance shoot?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, sure.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

So we were all Very excited to get back into a sort of a regular shoot. We also want to keep people alive and as safe as possible. So we. We kind of devised this way of. Of doing studio shoots again, where we're distanced from each other.

[Courtney Miller]

Everyone's wearing masks.

[Ian Hecox]

Wearing masks, taking tests beforehand, quarantining. So everybody. Everybody on set has been quarantining or taking the tests. We had. We had planned on going back to the studio a week earlier, but you guys did your part. Taking part in the protest. Thank you very much.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, it cost us a couple of weeks of production, but.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, but for the car, I can't. It's like. It's like, look, I can't be. Like, we can't be angry at you guys for. For supporting this obviously very important cause. But that's. But. But obviously, like, this is. This is something we're taking very seriously. Like, you know, with. With the. With the COVID of it all. And, yeah, it all went. It all went very well. It was nice seeing your. Your dumb faces again in person. I feel like we just had so much dumb improv because it's been so long since we.

[Courtney Miller]

Crazy from quarantine.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. Like, it had been so long since any of us have, like, played against each other.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

I feel like our. Our improv just got super weird a lot because we just wanted to. I feel like we just wanted to talk to each other.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. I feel like my acting is different. You know, the last few months have changed me.

[Ian Hecox]

Where you just been Tom Hanks talking to a ball.

[Courtney Miller]

So for the ball, is my phone just talking to my phone? Nobody's FaceTiming with me. It's just my only friend. The. The one. Every Panda Express that we shot, the. They're editing the car right now. It's so funny. Everyone's just loopy. It's so funny. Yeah, it's great.

[Ian Hecox]

What about you, Shane? How did you like the studio shoot? Did you miss us?

[Shane Topp]

It was. It was interesting because it felt. Damien summed it up pretty well. He's like, it's when you end up at school during summer break, and you're like, wait, I feel. This feels weird. Like, it feels like you never left, but it also feels like it's been five years. Like, it feels like I'm coming up on the studio, and look, I'm playing Last of Us right now, and I can't help but compare it. There's a lot of weeds growing around the studio now.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

And I'm like, I'm opening the door to the studio. Just expecting some monster to come out at me.

[Courtney Miller]

And it's just Tim with a beard.

[Shane Topp]

And it's just him.

[Ian Hecox]

And you just stab him in the neck with a shiv.

[Shane Topp]

Guys, I don't know if you guys have seen this for those listening, but Tim doesn't wear a mask like most people. He wears, like, a gas mask full on a hardcore. He looks like a character in Last of Us who's about to just take out some. Some fools.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

But he looks like a badass because he's wearing a vest and a painter's mask. Yeah, he looks like a fallout character.

[Ian Hecox]

It's also funny because he's slating all of our shoots.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

The person that goes like, scene 11, take two, but because the mask muffles everything, he says, like, a lot. It's like.

[Shane Topp]

It's awesome.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[Shane Topp]

It's very great.

[Courtney Miller]

It was really good to see, like, even if it was, like a skeleton crew, which means, like, the minimum possible amount of people needed, it still felt really good to see everybody. Like, we filmed on my birthday and I. It's like, yeah, I was working on my birthday, but it was so nice to see everyone and at least, like, be social and be near people. And we're doing a. We're doing a social distance pit shoot soon, too, unscripted, so that'd be cool. We're trying to get back to it.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, we'll be a little. We might be a little bit closer to each other, but we're still gonna be as safe as we possibly can.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Quarantine and obviously masks until we're, like, literally rolling.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. And obviously, like, we can't be spitting water everywhere. So I think we're bringing back the slide whistle for. Try not to laugh, but shall we get into the. The topic at hand?

[Courtney Miller]

Let's get it to it.

[Ian Hecox]

So this is going to be a very, very serious debate show. We've picked out some topics for you guys, and it will be a one v one debate with one person being moderator. They will each get one minute to state their side. The other person will get one minute to state their side, and then the person will be given a one minute. Each person will be given a one minute rebuttal chance to take down their opponent's viewpoints and win. The moderator will then decide who won the debate. And if the moderator can't decide, we're going to bring in our wonderful. Our wonderful Kevin from heaven. Producer. Producer Kevin from Heaven. I was going to say he died a week ago, but that's Just Kevin is alive, but we call him Kevin from heaven because he's. He's an angel.

[Kevin McShane]

I don't think you've ever called me that before.

[Ian Hecox]

Ever.

[Courtney Miller]

It's literally my first time saying that ever in my life.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, it's your nickname now.

[Kevin McShane]

All right, thank you, great Heaven Kevin.

[Ian Hecox]

So Kevin will be the ultimate decider. If the moderator is failing to come to a consensus, shall we get onto it?

[Courtney Miller]

I'm ready to fight.

[Ian Hecox]

All right, well, too bad, because the first debate I'm the moderator, is Shane versus myself. So, Courtney, would you like to begin?

[Courtney Miller]

Absolutely. I'm going to get my timer ready to go. First topic is reading still cool versus reading not cool. Shane advocating for reading is still cool. Ian advocating for reading is not cool. Who shall begin?

[Shane Topp]

We go with Shane. I'll let Ian start.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, Ian's going to.

[Ian Hecox]

No, no, you choose Courtney.

[Courtney Miller]

Shane, since your name is first on the. On the Google Doc, I'm going to have you begin and your minute starts now.

[Shane Topp]

Reading is incredibly cool. What is more cool than gaining knowledge? For instance, I'm reading a book right now called Stamp from the Beginning. It's about the history and prevalence of racism in our country and its impact and how it bleeds into every action that we do every day and how it's part of our system and structure and how we need to take that down. I would love my opponent to tell me that reading that book is a bad idea, that reading that book is not good reading. It's how we pass knowledge from one to the other. And by saying reading is not cool is the desire to suppress knowledge and to suppress education. There is nothing better than it. It is. It's simply. It is what connects us all. To not think reading is cool is probably the Most offensive thing 10 seconds on the planet. I could think it's everything. To not think reading is cool is sexist, racist, bigoted in every aspect. So good luck to my opponent.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, my God. Okay, Ian, your minute starts now.

[Ian Hecox]

A book is outdated technology. Do you see people riding around on a penny farthing bicycle? No. They figured out better ways to make a bicycle. Okay. It's. It's outdated. Yeah, sure, it was the hottest, coolest thing a thousand years ago, but we found better ways of communicating. We've found better ways of sharing ideas, sharing thoughts, sharing experiences. You can't. You can't get the whole feeling of something out of just text you. It's. You miss some of the nuance. If you want to talk about something that teaches you racism, there's Plenty of movies that do that, right? There's plenty of documentaries. The 13th being a good one when they see us, is a very popular one as well. Both Those by Ava DuVernay, or however you pronounce your name, actually, ten second name being said. Books, old movies, television. Good. Fuck you, Shane.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, my God. Okay, so we're going to have our rebuttals. Both are valid, I guess. You know, one is saying that one is educational. One is saying there's more modern and easier access ways to find such education. Shane, are you ready for your rebuttal?

[Shane Topp]

Sure.

[Courtney Miller]

All right, your minute starts now.

[Shane Topp]

If we're talking about convenience and advancement, nothing has advanced past books because, say, for instance, the big one hits here in la. Oh, electricity's out. You have lost all media except for. Oh, you have a book. And that. Nothing can stop that except water, perhaps, but you avoid water. You're going to be fine. Whereas electricity can short circuit at any moment. You can lose power. You don't have a backup. You're done. Knowledge is gone then. Whereas a book. All you need is your eyes. You need good eyes, like me, Unlike Courtney.

[Courtney Miller]

Hey, 25 seconds left, all right.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, I still got plenty of time. That's awesome. We're also talking about volume here, right? You've got plenty of great documentaries. I don't disagree that documentaries are also cool, but we're talking about reading here. But you're talking about volume. A documentary is roughly two to three hours. A book can compress tens of hours of knowledge that you're not going to sit there and watch a movie for. For 24 hours, but you can read a book piecemeal by piecemeal every day and keep getting more knowledge.

[Courtney Miller]

It comes up.

[Shane Topp]

Back so much.

[Courtney Miller]

Time's up, sir.

[Ian Hecox]

Times up. Sorry.

[Courtney Miller]

Ian, are you ready for your rebuttal?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, sure.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay, begin.

[Ian Hecox]

Okay, well, this whole idea of you, of. Of like, getting knowledge during a certain amount of time goes against your feelings, Shane, because when I get a book, it takes me months to finish, okay? And with. With a documentary, they can get. They can compress those ideas down into something that I could enjoy and. And take what I need from it within a matter of two hours. I can't read a book in two hours. I can learn about 500 things before I. Before I learn one thing from a book, because I just cannot. I get three pages in, and I'm just like, no. And also, have you ever heard of the Library of Alexandria? Guess what? Those were books. And they burned. And we lost that information 10 seconds so the same could happen to books. Yeah, that's right. They're combustible. Guess what isn't combustible? A movie on a server that exists all around the world, bitch.

[Kevin McShane]

Oh, I yield.

[Ian Hecox]

My time.

[Courtney Miller]

Goodness.

[Ian Hecox]

Fuck you. Fuck you.

[Courtney Miller]

You had one second to yield. Wow. All right. Excellent, excellent arguments from both sides. I think that's very valid that both you guys said with. With which resource is easier to lose and with how much time you can gain information. Personally, I think I'm surprised. I think Ian's argument is very valid that there's other forms of media, there's other ways to find education and quicker ways to learn it, and it's more portable and less. Less flammable. So, Kevin, would you agree or disagree?

[Ian Hecox]

It's less flammable. Unless you're talking about the old celluloid movies. Those are very flammable.

[Courtney Miller]

You yielded your time, sir.

[Kevin McShane]

Kevin, I actually do agree. Ian made a really good point at the end where it was about condensing of time for information. Shane had valid points, but you got to get the information quick. It's 2020, not 1820.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. In the age of information, you got to get it quick, you know?

[Shane Topp]

You know, all right, you heard it from Smosh, guys. Reading is bad. Don't do it.

[Courtney Miller]

Reading is good just on other devices or reading subtitles on a movie.

[Shane Topp]

Just support Jeff Bezos and get that Kindle, guys.

[Courtney Miller]

Get that Kindle.

[Ian Hecox]

But if you're going to read, if you're going to have like books on your book shelf, bookcase, whatever you call it, just to read them, it's not cool. You haven't read.

[Courtney Miller]

I love reading books with a paper. With paper in my hand. I love turning the pages. I like that. It's this little thing like it's. It feels more meaningful to carry a book around with me than my phone, you know, So I do fully. I understand both sides. I think I was honestly the perfect mediator for this.

[Ian Hecox]

That's 1.1 for Ian.

[Courtney Miller]

Point one.

[Ian Hecox]

I think I'm going to quit now.

[Courtney Miller]

You get one piece of.

[Ian Hecox]

I'm going to retire from debate this next debate. Pitts. Courtney versus Shane.

[Shane Topp]

Well, I'm off to a hot start.

[Ian Hecox]

The topic is blades, verse, skateboard, Rollerblades, that is. Who's going to be taking what side?

[Courtney Miller]

I'm rollerblades.

[Shane Topp]

Skateboard.

[Ian Hecox]

Courtney is defending rollerblades. Shane is defending skateboarding. Since Shane began last time, I'm going to have Courtney begin. All right, and you may start now.

[Courtney Miller]

As someone who purchased rollerblades during quarantine and has been rollerblading around my neighborhood As a form of exercise. I can say that rollerblading is very convenient not only for. For fun but also for transportation. When you're riding rollerblades, it's your two feet separated. You can go whatever speed you want. You don't need to worry about grinding or ollieing to get to point A to point B. And you can have your shoes tied on your shoulder for when you want to go into a store. You just take them off and get in. People don't look at rollerblades and see that kid's a rebel. He's not supposed to be skating around here. Karen's aren't going to get mad at someone with rollerblades. And they're more graceful. And as you've seen on TikTok, the rollerblade ancestor roller skates are having a comeback. People enjoy walking around and feeling like they're floating. And sometimes they put cool music to it. Skateboarding's old news. They've already been doing that. But it's not as cool because that skateboard. Skateboards are. They smell bad. And rollerblades.

[Ian Hecox]

That's time. Shane, are you ready? I.

[Shane Topp]

Yes. I think I am. Right.

[Ian Hecox]

I have no idea what her argument was.

[Shane Topp]

I don't.

[Ian Hecox]

Were you just filling time at the end?

[Courtney Miller]

No.

[Ian Hecox]

All right.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm trying.

[Ian Hecox]

Shane, you may start now.

[Shane Topp]

Yes, well, see, you're not allowed to bring roller skating into this. Rollerblading is the Mac and me to E.T. it is. You're talking about. Rollerblading is. Is like the rollerblading is to the X Games what Nickelback is to rock. It's just a gross impersonation that is nothing more than just a tragedy to. To experience. And I'll give you two words. Tony Hawk. Name a famous rollerblader and it's not Tony Hawk. It is not Tony Hawk at all. Rollerblading existed for like five years in the 90s. And then we were all like, yeah, we're done with that. I swear friggin. What's it called? Tamagotchis are remembered with more fonder memories than rollerblading. Rollerblading is just. It's. It's the device used to establish bad guys in 90s high school movies. It's like they're the bad guys. They roller.

[Ian Hecox]

And that's your time. And that's. And that's quick. Strong arguments on both sides. Courtney, are you ready for your rebuttal?

[Courtney Miller]

Yes.

[Ian Hecox]

Courtney Miller, you may. You may begin now at a skate park.

[Courtney Miller]

There's no discriminating over which. Which type of athletes are on the skate park. Everyone has a chance to roll around in the skate park. Like at Venice Beach. You see so many people rollerblading around on those on the walk. Why are you laughing at me, Karen? Also, skateboards are very well known to have not very smooth wheels. And when you're rolling over bumps and stuff, your feet feel like they're getting tickled. And it's like. It doesn't. It doesn't feel nice when you're skateboarding on the street. Rollerblades have gel wheels, and they are much smoother for a much smoother ride. And. And it. They're part of your feet. Okay. They are safer because on rollerblades, you're not as apt to be grinding and doing crazy tricks and getting yourself hurt. Rollerblades, it's usually you're just running, but it's faster because you're gliding. Skateboarders are just. Are always causing trouble. There's always signs that say no skateboarding. Not as many signs of people say no rollerblading, because rollerblading isn't as much of a problem. They're not as destructive.

[Ian Hecox]

And that's your time. Wow. Wow. Strong, strong rebuttal. Thank you, Courtney Miller. Thank you, Shane. Top, are you ready for your rebuttal?

[Shane Topp]

Sure.

[Ian Hecox]

You may begin.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, yeah. Rollerblading. So much easier on your feet. Why don't you argue for training wheels and bumpers in the bowling alley as well? Okay. No, it's about being cool. It's about challenging yourself. And skateboarding is so much more challenging. There's way more tricks you can do. You tried to accuse skateboarders of being bad people at one point there. Well, I noticed there was a famous video from a couple of weeks ago where a ton of skateboarders all formed and went to a protest for Black Lives Matter. So if you're saying those people are bad people.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes.

[Shane Topp]

Well, hello, Donald Trump, once again. I think I could have come out here and just said Tony Hawkins. That's all I had to say is Tony Hawk, guys. Tony Hawk. All right. And also Tony Hawk, pro skater, Best video game. Come on. Name a good rollerblading video game. I yield my time.

[Ian Hecox]

And you talked to you. Okay. Well, Shane, may I remind you this wasn't an argument of is skateboarding or rollerblading cool? It was an argument of blades versus skates. Skateboards, that is. You know, I just want to point out one of the first points that Courtney made, which very. Which confused me quite a lot. She said, you can ride to A store and then on rollerblades and take them off and walk in. What are you walking on?

[Courtney Miller]

I told you, bare feet.

[Ian Hecox]

Your sock feet.

[Courtney Miller]

Did you hear what I. You didn't listen to my whole argument because I said.

[Ian Hecox]

Are you saying you carry. You carry shoes?

[Courtney Miller]

You see those cool people with their shoelaces tied together and they're slung over their shoulder and then when they take the blades off, they put those shoes on. Then they tie the roller blades, throw them over their shoulder. Well then you need to go outside more or watch more movies.

[Shane Topp]

What movie are you referring to?

[Courtney Miller]

Xanadu and Xanadu.

[Shane Topp]

Only that's the 80s. That's the skate. Roller skates, Same vehicle. No, I don't care.

[Courtney Miller]

The arguments are done. Ian, you're comparing to a Lamborghini. The debate's over.

[Ian Hecox]

This one's a little tough for me. I'm going to have to throw it to Kevin from heaven. What do you think? Kevin from heaven.

[Kevin McShane]

That was also hard. I mean, I'm an avid roller skater, but I also skateboard too. So Shane did definitely argue that there was a lot of cool things about skateboarding and how roller is not cool. Courtney, I felt like you had some alright arguments, but I felt like a lot of them fell flat. Like as an avid roller skater, taking your shoes off to go into like a 7 11, the worst thing ever. I just walk in with my skates and get yelled at and kicked out. So I will have to say, Shane, you did. You won me over. Especially when you talked about Tony Hawk. But also I'm upset at you. You forgot the game. Jet Set Radio was an awesome rollerblading game.

[Ian Hecox]

Jet Site Radio was sick.

[Kevin McShane]

So Tony Hawk and the skateboarders showing up during blm. You did not see rollerbladers going to the BLM protests?

[Ian Hecox]

No, because they're too busy trying to tie their shoes together.

[Kevin McShane]

I give this one to Shane.

[Shane Topp]

Nuts.

[Courtney Miller]

You deserve it. I've been skateboarding my whole life. Like you can't.

[Ian Hecox]

Shane, would you like to take this next one?

[Shane Topp]

Hello and welcome to the National Bates. You're watching C Span. I'm your moderator, Kevin Gurkhes. We have our debaters here. We have Ian Hecox presenting that Friends was a bad show versus Courtney Miller saying that Friends is a good show. And now we should say that the way this is. This is presented is saying that it is currently a good show, that it holds up as well. So Ian, would you like to begin?

[Ian Hecox]

When I go on a dating app and somebody lists Friends as their best show, I know Immediately that I'm immediately suspicious of their taste because there's much better things out there on TV than Friends. So I would have to assume then that that person is just an idiot. Friends must, must just appeal to the lowest common denominator. It's, it's. And really like, okay, even with, even without that said, it has a laugh track. Any show with a laugh track, any time that you're being told when to laugh is just not great. Does Friends have a laugh track? It has a laugh track, right? I think it's got a laugh track. Yeah. Fashion choices in the show, they do not hold up. They don't hold up anymore. I'm sorry.

[Shane Topp]

And that is time. Okay, Courtney Miller, it is your turn.

[Courtney Miller]

We are not arguing that Friends is the best show. We're arguing whether it's good or not. And I will say that it is good for several reasons. It was ahead of its time and we're saying whether it would held up. It doesn't necessarily hold up in a lot of ways, but it did normalize some unconventional things as, as lesbian couples, trans parents, and as they did make fun of them in certain light. But at least it was normalizing their existence as well as the characters had a lot of progression in like women becoming powerful people in business. Like Rachel began as a runaway bride who was then a waitress at a cafe. Then she became an executive at a fashion company. Monica becoming an owner of a catering company. Powerful women owning a large apartment, taking care of themselves, owning the apartment where everyone came and normalizes living in New York. And it's a cool thing to see New York and from the just common people who are all very different from each other. And yes, there's people like Ross who are problematic and annoying, but every cast needs that annoying, problematic character to bounce off of.

[Shane Topp]

And that is time. All right, it is time for your 30 second rebuttals.

[Courtney Miller]

30 seconds.

[Ian Hecox]

One minute.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, it is a one minute rebuttal. All right, Ian, your one minute rebuttal begins now.

[Ian Hecox]

Funny that you had mentioned diversity. Could you tell me what, what makes the cast so diverse, Courtney? Because I, I mean, what is it? Joey comes from an Italian descent. Is that, is that the diversity you're talking about? It's, it's, it's not diverse at all. And it, it is, it is. You would not see a cast like that in a new sort of show. They've, they've progressed beyond that. And also showing women in, in power. Like we didn't learn anything about their jobs. They just said, oh, she works at this thing and we're all like, cool. We don't see her actually crushing it at her job. We just see them hanging out in their house or in the coffee shop. We never see them doing their jobs. We never see them owning the workplace. No, don't shake your head at me. No, this is. This is what I know from the eight episodes that I've seen. It's always just. They're always just in their apartment.

[Shane Topp]

And that is time. Courtney, your rebuttal begins now.

[Courtney Miller]

There is a lack of racial diversity in the main cast, but so do so many TV shows today still. So that's something that clearly the world is still working on. And the adversity that I did explain was like sexual orientation as well as, you know, being trans at that. The. Was it Chandler's mom or dad? And it is not true. They are always being shown at work. Rachel is shown having to fire people. Deal with problematic assistance. Attractive assistance. Very real issues that people deal with all the time. In business. You always see Chandler at work. He works his way up in business and he's also an executive. They're not always in their apartment. And even when they're in their apartment, they're still killing it, running. Monica is being a very organized, powerful person, taking care of her friends. And yes, there's still shows that are even more problematic than this one. I yield my time. Fuck you.

[Shane Topp]

All right, well, this is certainly an interesting one. Unfortunately, Ian, although I do personally think Friends is a just piece of shit. You presented no reasons. You simply just kept calling it a bad show and said that anyone who likes it is also dumb. You insulted its laugh track. Even though multicam sitcoms, that's kind of the thing.

[Ian Hecox]

Doesn't have to be.

[Shane Topp]

What multicam sitcom doesn't have a laugh track?

[Ian Hecox]

Why does it? That's no excuse.

[Shane Topp]

Courtney actually presented some arguments, whereas you did not. Despite my self thinking Friends is just a steaming pile. I give this a point to Courtney.

[Ian Hecox]

I understand. Like I said, I don't know how many episodes I've seen, but they always just seem to be in their apartment. And I'm like, where did they make all that money? I don't ever see it.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, it's very unrealistic that they can afford those apartments. And they try to justify it with like, well, it was my grandmother. So it's rent controlled. But it's a not a good show. I hate Ross. It's. But I won. Thank you.

[Shane Topp]

I'd be curious. I'm actually curious because people are constantly talking about all the things that don't hold up or are problematic now from. From older shows, I'd be more curious what shows do hold up because I feel like that's a much smaller category.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, very true. I would love to look into that.

[Ian Hecox]

The Wire fricking holds up. The Wire is so freaking good.

[Shane Topp]

But I mean, like, sitcoms, like comedies especially, because comedy.

[Ian Hecox]

Comedy ages the fastest.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. Because people make fun of what they don't understand. Right. What they find ridiculous.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, it's also like people find comedy and things that make people uncomfortable. So where, like gay couples each other. Yeah, like gay. Like gay couples, trans issues. Those things made people uncomfortable in the 90s, so there was comedy there. That's why, you know, a lot of people have. Have trouble looking back at some of the stuff on, like, Seinfeld.

[Courtney Miller]

Also, where do all the babies go after they're born? You see them, the parent, the person is pregnant and friends. And then they have a baby. And then you see like maybe three out of the rest of the 300 episodes.

[Ian Hecox]

Woof.

[Courtney Miller]

They just are like, oh, the baby's grandma. I don't know. It's not here.

[Shane Topp]

Like, that's just how shows are.

[Courtney Miller]

Don't make them have a baby if you're not going to have the baby there.

[Ian Hecox]

Like, I know. They could have. They could have pulled the whole house. All right, sorry. So well, that I give that one to Courtney as well. Courtney, could you take this next one?

[Courtney Miller]

This one is Ian versus Shane. Birds are scarier versus fish are scarier. Ian is advocating for birds. Shane is advocating for fish. I'm going to give Shane. I'm going to Ian the first argument. Are you ready?

[Ian Hecox]

Yes.

[Courtney Miller]

And your time begins now.

[Ian Hecox]

Think about the things that scare you the most. Sound. Sound is such a. It's such a. Like an instigator for fear. Think about those horror movies that use sound to instill fear in you. That's just one of them. But there are many. The sound of the chainsaw in Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Sound is so important to that it plays into fear birds.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, my God.

[Ian Hecox]

It'S scary. What does a fish do? I yield my time.

[Courtney Miller]

You have 10 seconds left. That's it.

[Ian Hecox]

All right. Got 10 seconds or a peacock time.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin McShane]

That's just putting that's hell on me to edit. You know that.

[Courtney Miller]

That was. Half of your argument was just sounds. Okay, Shane, are you ready for your argument?

[Shane Topp]

Of course.

[Courtney Miller]

Your time begins now.

[Shane Topp]

Sounds are scary, but what's scarier is lack of sound silence. What's even more scary and the ultimate fear that all of us have deep down is the fear of the unknown. And we are unaware of over 90% of the Earth's ocean, which is where fish dwell. That is their home. They live in the unknown. They live in the depths. They live where we cannot breathe. They live in our death. They are demonstration. Every single one, even a koi fish, is a demon. They're just waiting. You can't see them. That's what's so scary. And you're dealing with thalassophobia on top of it. You're jumping down into the depths. You can't see where they are. They can see you. They can feel you. They can sense you. And they're coming for you. The creature from Cloverfield. Cthulhu. Jaws Godzilla. All fish. All live in the ocean time.

[Courtney Miller]

Wow. Very interesting points from both of you. Ian, are you ready for your rebuttal?

[Ian Hecox]

Absolutely.

[Courtney Miller]

Your time begins now.

[Ian Hecox]

Shane. We're not talking about ocean being scary. We're talking about fish. And the things in the ocean that scare me are not fish. They're sharks. They're octopi. They're jellyfish, which are not fish. Those are not fish. Yeah, I guess it's scary.

[Courtney Miller]

Why are birds scary?

[Ian Hecox]

That's true. Shark.

[Courtney Miller]

Are birds scary?

[Ian Hecox]

Birds are scary because they can come at you fast and without. With like. Without. Look. Fish. Birds are so dumb. You can't. You can't anticipate what they're going to do. You've seen that magpie swooping video. They're crazy. They're freaking crazy. And they are descendants from dinosaurs. Motherfucker. Dinosaurs. The ultimate fear inducing thing. They still have that drive for killing in them. It's bred into them. They've evolved. But they still have that instinct to rip you apart and kill you. I yield my time. Fuck you.

[Courtney Miller]

Shane. Are you ready for your battle?

[Shane Topp]

Yes.

[Courtney Miller]

Your time begins now.

[Shane Topp]

I'd like to thank my opponent. Opponent for naming a bunch of terrifying fish. Sharks and octopi are both in the fish category.

[Ian Hecox]

Octopus or not fish.

[Courtney Miller]

Sorry.

[Shane Topp]

They're okay as. As dinosaurs are. Not technically birds. Dinosaur. If dinosaurs were so tough, they would have survived the comets. But you know who did? Fish. They survived. There's plenty of species that are super old and man, they're all. They're all coming for you. How many birds kill people per year versus sharks? Okay. Sharks are crazy and they're coming for you. All right? They take people out, man. They're huge. The biggest bird is maybe what the. The California osprey. It's. It's what you know, got a seven foot wingspan. That's pretty great. A shark can get up to 15ft and that's just, that's just pure metal. Crunching Jaws of terror. Fish are also from hell.

[Courtney Miller]

That's your time. Fish are from hell. Okay, valid, valid arguments from both sides. Excellent bringing up of sharks, Ian. You could have argued that we have less, we have less opportunity to come across a shark. But that was not in your argument today.

[Ian Hecox]

Also not a lot of people die from sharks.

[Shane Topp]

How many people die from birds?

[Ian Hecox]

Do you remember the most dangerous animal in Australia, sir, as you yielded your time. The birds, the cassowary.

[Courtney Miller]

However, Shane had a very strong argument. Sharks are very dangerous. Octopuses freak me out. Kevin, what do you think?

[Kevin McShane]

Yeah, I kind of agree. Ian. Ian had a strong argument with the dinosaurs, but he missed it talking about cassowaries or ostriches or the big birds. Those ones that'll gorya. Shane did bring in Cthulhu and Godzilla, which I don't think are fish. So that is kind of a negative.

[Shane Topp]

We don't know.

[Kevin McShane]

True, true.

[Courtney Miller]

Wait, isn't Cthulhu like an octopus face?

[Kevin McShane]

He's like an octopus. He's an elder God.

[Ian Hecox]

Fish, yeah. Octopus are mollusks.

[Kevin McShane]

But I will have to say Shane, I didn't have an opinion on either of them to begin with. And Shane made me feel a little bit more terrified of the ocean. Just slightly more though I don't know where he got his facts from. I didn't fact check him. So somebody snopes Shane on this one, please.

[Courtney Miller]

All right, so Shane, you do get the point.

[Shane Topp]

Thank you.

[Courtney Miller]

Sorry Ian.

[Ian Hecox]

I should have spent more time on the dinosaur connection and manipulate us.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, dinosaurs were so tough they would have survived the meteor. I mean not so tough, but birds can fly.

[Ian Hecox]

Some of them survived I guess. Like the birds are descendants of them. Right?

[Courtney Miller]

I'm more likely the shitty ones bird than an angry shark, you know?

[Ian Hecox]

Did the fish even survive? Oh no, the alligators survived and sharks survived. Well, I guess that's why sharks have fish.

[Shane Topp]

Plenty of plenty.

[Ian Hecox]

I keep forgetting sharks are fish.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, it's crazy cuz. Well cuz like dolphins are mammals so. Yeah, you know, so I understand.

[Ian Hecox]

I get them mixed up. All right, welcome back. This next argument is going to be are hot Cheetos food or are they not food? Courtney is in favor of them being food. Shane believes they are not food. Shane, you may begin.

[Shane Topp]

You see, food is. Is. Is one thing, but hot Cheetos are not technically in the category of food. The department of Health puts Hot Cheetos under the same category as all drugs. Steroids, crack, cocaine, heroin. This is the category that Hot Cheetos fits in due to the extreme effects it has on the body. Now, hot Cheetos, however, are the only good drugs. They are a drug that increases your logic, your charisma, your strength. I ate a hot Cheeto the other day and threw a smart car at a building. And it was an empty building. They needed to destroy it. They were taking it down. And so I threw a smart car at it and blew it up. And the construction workers like, thank you so much. You just saved a whole day of work for us. And I was like, no problem, man. It's hot Cheetos. What they do is they take. They find hot cheetahs from a certain area of the savannah. They extract a safe amount.

[Ian Hecox]

I'm sorry, Shane, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. I just, I. Even if you weren't running out of time, I would have still stopped you.

[Shane Topp]

Okay.

[Ian Hecox]

That was the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. We are all now stupider because of you.

[Shane Topp]

Thank you for quoting Billy Madison. It had to happen at some point.

[Ian Hecox]

Paraphrase that terribly. I never. I never thought we would need a fact checker on these debates, but I think next time we will have to hire one. Okay, Courtney, allow me to take you on a journey.

[Courtney Miller]

Is this restaurant in Long beach where they serve you gourmet Mac and cheese topped with egg, bacon, and you guessed it, flaming Hot Cheetos. Restaurants would not legally be able to serve drugs in a restaurant not of the caliber of cocaine or crack.

[Shane Topp]

Crack.

[Courtney Miller]

Crack. Also, if you look at the definition of food, it is something that is consumed. It's edible. To gain nutrients from and processed through the body. A bag of fire. Flaming Hot Cheetos has nutrition facts on the back, therefore you gain nutrition. If anything is edible, you can consider it food. If it comes from cheese. Not cheetahs. Fucking Shane. It is dehydrated cheese. And if you put it, it's a topping on Mac and cheese and it's gotta be edible. And it's frickin delicious. And it makes anything that you eat that makes your poop feel bad later. It's gotta be damn good.

[Ian Hecox]

And that's your time. Thank you, Courtney.

[Courtney Miller]

Fuck, Shane, come on, give me something to work with.

[Ian Hecox]

Shane, are you ready for your rebuttal?

[Shane Topp]

It was roughly, I think around 20,000 BC that Lucifer and God made a pact. They needed to make something that was both the encapsulation of purity and evil. And that thing was Hot Cheetos. Hot Cheetos predate man and predates food also. You know, God created drugs before food, and so Hot Cheetos was the king of them. And I'd like to also point out that, that restaurants do serve drugs. Krispy Kreme's a thing. Those donuts are just. I'm addicted, I'm hooked. And also they do serve a. One of those long johns where they, they inject it with black tar heroin. Just filled to the brim with black tar heroin. And it's so good. Anyways, my point earlier was they extract hot cheetah blood and use that and they, they, they dehydrate that to turn that into the dust that they use on Cheetos. And what differentiates hot Cheetos from, from Cheetos? And you're referring to.

[Ian Hecox]

Shane, I'm sorry, you're out of time.

[Shane Topp]

But the hot Cheetos, this is the drug.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, Courtney, I don't know how you're gonna match up against this. It's a, it's a tough one. Are you ready?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Shane, I'd like. I love that you brought up the hotness because when creating a chip or any kind of snack and you want it to be spicy, what do they incorporate? Would you say it would be. Yeah, that's right. Chili peppers of some kind. If that's included in hot peppers, not hot cheetah blood. That's how you get spicy. And if a chili pepper is involved, then it's definitely food. At the very least from that sore detail. You know when you eat the bottom of Cheez its in a bag or it's just the crumbs. That's powder. That's basically Cheetos. It's just powdered cheese. And Cheez its are not. They are edible and they are food. And Cheetos blood is illegal in the U.S. you know that Yield my time. Fuck you.

[Shane Topp]

Illegal like a drug.

[Ian Hecox]

Wow, this is, this is a pretty easy one. I mean, I guess I just. I mean, there's nothing else that I really have to say. I'm gonna have to give this one to Shane.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh my God. What are you talking about, Ian? You're telling me.

[Ian Hecox]

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It goes accordingly.

[Courtney Miller]

Sorry.

[Ian Hecox]

Shane. Shane. Be ashamed of yourself. Should be ashamed of yourself. This is a. We're trying to. We're trying to create information. Yeah. We're trying to create a respectable debate show. And you come in here with your shenanigans and think you can just spread lies.

[Shane Topp]

I'm only talking. I'm only. I'm only telling the truth here. I'm a truth warrior.

[Kevin McShane]

Yeah, we really do need. We really do need you fact checked if anybody listening to this can fact check Shane on all this too.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I'm really not sure about the cheetah thing. I just don't know.

[Ian Hecox]

I think the thing that I want to know the most is drugs were. Were created by God before food. Yes, that's a bold claim.

[Courtney Miller]

You really need to sort out your priorities, you know?

[Ian Hecox]

So, like, the Garden of Eden was all crack before the forbidden fruit was.

[Courtney Miller]

A thicket of weed. Yeah.

[Shane Topp]

All right. Welcome back to the annual debates. Thank you for coming to this boiler room in the back of a Payless.

[Courtney Miller]

Hello.

[Shane Topp]

I am here with Ian Hecox defending at home shoots versus Courtney Miller, defending studio shoots. As some of you listeners may or may not know, we in these past couple months have been shooting from home, filming whole sketches ourselves and then having editors piece it all together. And now we're back to shooting in the studio together a little bit. So we'll see which one is ultimately better. I am your moderator, Bus bonson. Courtney, would you like to begin?

[Courtney Miller]

When you think of a shoot at a studio, you immediately picture the crew. That is a large group of people all working together to make sure the shoot moves keeps going smoothly, and that's their job. Filming in a studio creates more job stability in general, more jobs. When you have a full crew, including freelancers and art department, you're also getting more social interaction. It's mentally healthy for you. And when you have a crew, AKA a cameraman or a shredded or who is as handsome as Kevin heaven, you definitely don't have to worry about tech when you're just acting. When you're at home, home, working by yourself, you have to worry about sound, about how the set looks, about whether the line is funny or not. You have to worry about all these things that will distract you from giving your best performance. And you're alone in an apartment. You don't even know if your best performance is your best performance because you're by yourself and you're going crazy and you miss your friends and you just want to be hugged every once in a while. And sometimes you really miss those lunches where you just get to, like, sit.

[Shane Topp]

In a group time. Ian, you may begin now.

[Ian Hecox]

Where did we all start in creating content? Where did we all begin in our homes? Every once in a while, somebody needs to go back to their roots. They need to go Back to see where they came from. The at home shoots allowed that. It brought us all back to what was truly important, gave us a look into a 360 view of what it takes to create content, which is important and it gives you very important perspective on make, on making content so that you could then respect the others that put in a lot of work when we do get back into studio shoots. Helps boil everything down and, and time. Fuck you.

[Shane Topp]

Thank you for that Nokia commercial. Ian, Courtney, welcome. Your rebuttal begins now.

[Courtney Miller]

While I do appreciate where Smosh came from as well as the hard work that a lot of solo YouTubers do when they're doing a lot of things, even the most successful YouTubers will hire an editor who's better at that job than they are. But even that can be done working from home. What I'm talking about is teamwork and being able to work well with others. And when you are in a crew surrounded by people, you bond. You learn how to allow other people's opinions or expertise to step in. And it's a good building blocks to be a good employee and have good work ethic. And how much time do I have left?

[Shane Topp]

15 seconds.

[Courtney Miller]

I just drew a blank. Also, who doesn't want to look at Tim sometimes doing the little clack thing? Oh God.

[Shane Topp]

It is. Ian's turn for rebuttal begins now.

[Ian Hecox]

Certainly, as you can see. Ian smart. Courtney dumb. Ian smart. Courtney dumb. Ian smart. Courtney dumb. Ian smart. Courtney dumb. Ian smart. Courtney dumb. Ian smart. Courtney dumb. Ian smart. Courtney dumb. I yield my time. Fudge you now. Ian smart.

[Shane Topp]

Your time. You've yielded your time, sir.

[Ian Hecox]

Courtney dumb.

[Shane Topp]

What Ian has just presented is a piece of information that I think is very important that I did not consider before, which was that clearly at home shoots for the past couple of months have driven Ian into a narcissistic mental breakdown the likes of the Shining. I can only assume that at home shoots are actually really bad for us now because of what Ian just repeated over and over and over again. Ian, you had the win locked down. You could have just stayed silent, but you had to berate your co worker for a minute. I, I have to now switch. I have. This has been just a back and forth tennis match of logic. I have to give the point to Courtney now. Excuse me, because under Courtney's basis is love and Ian's just turned into hate and I, I cannot.

[Ian Hecox]

No, it's not hate. Ian smoked.

[Courtney Miller]

Just putting that, just that clip on Instagram.

[Shane Topp]

God. God.

[Kevin McShane]

Oh man. Yeah, yeah, I concur on that one. Shane, I think that's a great. A very apt choice. Ian had me on the first half to the point even. He didn't even need a rebuttal. You. You were convinced as well.

[Shane Topp]

Me too.

[Kevin McShane]

And then it just went downhill after that. Plus Courtney did call me handsome, so I gotta appreciate that one as well.

[Courtney Miller]

Anytime.

[Kevin McShane]

Bonus points on that.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Ian, smart. Courtney, dumb. Kevin, beautiful.

[Kevin McShane]

Oh, I think I'm feeling some bias coming from me, so maybe I have to withdraw my statement.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah. All right. Well, Courtney. Courtney gets the win here. Congrats on the W. I concede.

[Courtney Miller]

I can see too. I see that you're a very mean boy.

[Shane Topp]

Get the out.

[Kevin McShane]

I think that. I think that finishes the debate of this podcast.

[Courtney Miller]

What are the points? What are the points?

[Kevin McShane]

Courtney. Courtney has finished it with three. So Courtney in first place with three points. Shane in second place with two points. Ian, one point.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh my gosh. I was supposed to just be a moderator for this and I. Fucking kudos.

[Ian Hecox]

Good job. Well, that was. That was the end of our debate.

[Shane Topp]

Good job.

[Ian Hecox]

That was the end of our debate. Truly some a battle of wits and minds. It was, it was a hard fought, hard fought battle. But I think everyone came out looking really great and really, everyone looks so good today.

[Courtney Miller]

Everyone looks so good. That's all.

[Shane Topp]

We're all dumb, but we look good.

[Ian Hecox]

And that's what's most important. So, yeah, if you guys, if you guys want to see more of this, let us know. But before we end, we gotta get to that shoot dude dude.

[Courtney Miller]

That shoot dude, Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude.

[Shane Topp]

Shoot dude.

[Kevin McShane]

Shoot dude.

[Courtney Miller]

Shoot dude.

[Ian Hecox]

Shoot dude.

[Courtney Miller]

You can submit your Shoot Dudes at S H O O T d o o dmosh.com and then for the people want to suggest who want more debates, put in the comments what other debate topics you'd want.

[Ian Hecox]

This one comes from Kaylin Michelle. As many. Because of the current situation, I've been working from home, which really means I found myself cleaning more than I ever have. I keep my cleaning supplies in a Caddy, which I have out on the floor. My Febreze bottle was on top of another cleaner. When I bent down to get something out of the Caddy, I hit my cheekbone against the Febreze bottle. It hurt badly, but I ignored it. Well, it turns out I had bruised my cheekbone from the collision with the Febreze bottle.

[Shane Topp]

It.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, I looked like someone had hit me. Being in a stay at home order I thought I could get away with without having to tell anyone. Because who wants to admit such A shoot, dude. That was until my co worker questioned my bruise on a work zoom call. Nothing like having to tell your co workers and boss you lost a fight with a cleaning bottle. Shoot, dude.

[Shane Topp]

Hold on. She. She hit her face. She bumped her face into us. For bri. A plastic Febreze bottle.

[Courtney Miller]

So they have those. They have those metal cylindrical ones. The metal solid, like the can.

[Ian Hecox]

The aerosol can.

[Shane Topp]

But it didn't. Like, how is it so it was like locked in place so that it wouldn't move.

[Ian Hecox]

I think it was just. It was just sitting it like open and.

[Courtney Miller]

You calling cahoots, Shane?

[Shane Topp]

No, I. I'm just like. I believe it because that's such a weird thing. Yeah, a weird story. I'm just curious about the.

[Ian Hecox]

So I think it's like. I think it's like a two tier caddy kind of thing. So she had the Febreze in the top. In the top, like open. It's like one of those, like, you know those ikea. Yeah, Teal IKEA things. So there's top and then there's the bottom. There's a thing on the bottom. She bent down and she bonked her face against the.

[Shane Topp]

Oh, like, okay, so she went downward.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, yeah, she went down.

[Shane Topp]

Got it.

[Ian Hecox]

Smacked her face on a fer bottle.

[Courtney Miller]

And have you guys ever had a black eye?

[Shane Topp]

I haven't.

[Ian Hecox]

I got. I got one from playing spider tag, which is a game you play on a playground where, uh, one person is. Has their eyes closed and they can go anywhere and then everyone else has their eyes open, but they can only stay on the equipment. They can't touch the ground. And you do it like late at night for some reason. That's. I was an adult. I was an adult when I was playing this, by the way, and I smacked head first into another person and we both had black eyes. It was great.

[Courtney Miller]

I don't think I've ever had a black eye, but a bruise. That's crazy, man. I must say. You're there. They're like a Febreze bottle. Okay. Tell me if you're home. You're not safe.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, it's always. It's always weird having to defend a black eye. And yeah, I swear it's not domestic abuse. Not that that's a joke. Not that that's something funny to laugh about, but it's true. Like, I think we've all been there where it's like. No, I swear, like, this is just. This is an accident.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I will say that. It's such a mild shoot, dude. I Say it's a soft shoot, dude. Getting bonked by a Fabrice bottle. Could have been.

[Shane Topp]

I think if that. If that happened to me, I'd have just been like, oh, my God, you won't believe what happened. Well, it. So I've had similar type of shoot dudes to this because I've gotten like, I have a burn on my left arm, and it's from. From some oil that splashed on me when I was cooking salmon. So not that cool. But stuff like that happens.

[Courtney Miller]

Like, what is that scar on your arm?

[Shane Topp]

Literally fight someone, because it looks like. It looked like a cigarette burn for a long time. So people thought like, did someone burn you with a cigarette? And I was like, no. I flipped some salmon on a pan and some olive oil flashed onto my arm.

[Ian Hecox]

I once had a tickle fight with a girl and. And okay, I was holding on to her hand because I was trying to tickle, you know? And then I let go of her hand when she was, like, trying to pull away. I let go. Oh, smacked herself in the face and gave herself a black eye.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, my God. You gave a woman a black eye? You.

[Ian Hecox]

I didn't.

[Courtney Miller]

Horrible. I didn't.

[Ian Hecox]

She hit herself.

[Courtney Miller]

You slingshot her own hand in her face.

[Ian Hecox]

I can't believe. Like, stop hitting yourself.

[Courtney Miller]

You second. You second. Second wind. Second hand punched a girl in the face. You bully.

[Shane Topp]

Second degree black eye.

[Courtney Miller]

Wow. I don't have anything. Any weird injuries like that. I've only just had, like, really bad acne on my face, and I'll put a band aid over it, and people will be like, what happened? And you get more attention than you would have with the actual zit. Kevin.

[Kevin McShane]

I don't have any of those. Lacy, though. She's being a cake baker. My wife, she burns herself a lot. She's very, very clumsy, and she burns herself on the oven a lot. And it's usually on her wrist. So if you look at her wrists, she has burn marks all the way down, both of them. And she has had people ask her before and like, question be like, is everything okay? Is she doing something? I'm like, I'm like, I swear to God, it's just burn marks because she's very, very clumsy.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, my goodness.

[Shane Topp]

Injuries from the cake wars. Yeah, pretty.

[Courtney Miller]

Pretty much exactly that.

[Ian Hecox]

Dang. Thank you guys so much for joining the very First Smosh Debates 2020. If you guys want more of this, you could suggest. You could suggest debate topics.

[Courtney Miller]

Who you want on?

[Ian Hecox]

These ones were submitted by our crew, so it'll be really fun to See what you guys post.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, we wanted to do this because it's, it's fun and silly and like, I just speaking from my personal experience, the Internet has been causing a lot of like feeling of numbness and just like kind of feeling really down. So I'm, I'm glad that we can come together. We do get very real on this podcast. Like sometimes it's like, what even is this podcast? We're not a comedy podcast where we're getting into serious issues. And so sometimes we'll do that, but also sometimes we just want to be something that can provide you some serotonin, some. Some laughs because, you know, at the end of the day, that's our main. That's our main mains making people laugh.

[Ian Hecox]

You guys gave me laughs. I was, I was very much enjoying. I was very much enjoying your guys debate the most.

[Courtney Miller]

I've last laughed on a pod in a while.

[Ian Hecox]

You guys are ridiculous.

[Courtney Miller]

Love you.

[Ian Hecox]

But skateboard definitely wins.

[Shane Topp]

Yeah, skateboard.

[Courtney Miller]

No, I can't. That was. I wasn't ready. And also I did skate lab. Like, I was a skateboarder. I'm. I'm very cool.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, before, before we go, I just want to say that we have a new, new line out. It's the Groovy line. We got some really awesome clothing that just, that just released, designed by Kell Lauren, a very, a very talented designer. It's really cool. The really cool colors. I think there's some sweaters and some T shirts and they're just such cool colors. Really fun, little groovy designs. And, and I highly encourage you check them out.

[Courtney Miller]

They're really cute. They're very, they fit very nicely. The, the crew necks are like chef's kiss comfortable. Like, you know when some hoodies or crewnecks, like the cuff, wrist part is like, they're always different. These are the nice, like comforting, like form fitting ones that I really love.

[Ian Hecox]

Sorry, they're not. Yeah, they're not hoodies.

[Courtney Miller]

They're crew neck sweaters, crewnecks, T shirts with really cute designs. We've been really excited about them for a while. Like a while while. So go check those out and look cute with us.

[Ian Hecox]

Shane Courtney, Kevin from heaven, thank you guys so much for coming on and we will see you guys next week. Love you so much. Goodbye.