Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth S2: #72 - The L-Word, Lowering Your Standards, and Confronting a Lying Partner (Smosh Advice)
Release Date: July 22, 2020
Host/Author: Smosh (Shayne Topp, Amanda Lehan-Canto, and guest Claudio)
Description: Join Shayne Topp, Amanda Lehan-Canto, and a rotating Smosh friend as they delve into listener-submitted relationship questions, offering their unique perspectives and advice.

Introduction

In this episode, Smosh tackles a variety of relationship dilemmas submitted by listeners through Twitter. The trio—Ian Hecox, Courtney Miller, and Sarah Wheeler—bring their personal experiences and candid insights to each question, aiming to provide practical and relatable advice.

1. Managing Social Anxiety in Dating

Question from Zukoyaki: "I have serious social anxiety and fear of being judged when I decide to look for someone currently not dating. How can I manage those anxieties and fears in order to build a solid relationship?"

Key Points:

• Group Dates: Ian suggests participating in group activities to reduce pressure and observe potential partners in social settings.

  "Group dates are awesome... it’s less pressure for you and that person." [06:00]

• Building Confidence: Sarah emphasizes the importance of self-confidence and being comfortable with oneself before seeking a relationship.

  "Once you have that confidence within yourself... you have a partner who wants someone that's confident and open." [07:15]

• Being Open About Interests: Courtney highlights the value of sharing one's true interests to foster genuine connections.

  "Being more open with who I am... it’s pretty liberating." [08:20]

2. Getting Over Unrequited Love

Question from Nerdy Ginger 101: "How do you get over someone who was never interested in you?"

Key Points:

• Letting Go of Idealized Memories: Sarah advises viewing past feelings as positive chapters and encourages moving forward to create new experiences.

  "Write more chapters with different characters... don't let it close you off." [11:29]

• Personal Anecdotes: Ian shares his high school experience of an unreciprocated crush, emphasizing the importance of letting go and recognizing mismatched feelings.

  "I couldn’t let go... you just gotta let it go." [13:04]

3. Lowering Standards vs. Maintaining Values

Question from Ms. McKenzie: "Should I lower my standards or try to be more open-minded in dating?"

Key Points:

• Clarity on Standards: Courtney advises reflecting on essential values rather than superficial traits.

  "Don’t judge someone immediately... focus on values and communication." [15:33]

• Flexibility: Sarah underscores the importance of being open to different types of people while recognizing certain deal-breakers.

  "Some are deal breakers, but others are flexible... stay open to possibilities." [16:43]

• Avoiding Rigid Checklists: Ian recommends shifting focus from a strict checklist to discovering what truly matters in a relationship.

  "Don’t put someone in a box... start with attraction and build from there." [17:13]

4. Using the L-word (Love)

Question from Double Dare Me: "How do you know when it's okay to use the L word?"

Key Points:

• Expressing Genuine Feelings: Ian advises saying "I love you" when sincerity is felt, without pressuring for reciprocation.

  "Say it because that's how I feel... don’t expect them to say it back." [27:30]

• Fluidity and Timing: Courtney points out that "I love you" is a feeling and not a commitment, encouraging expressing it when it naturally occurs.

  "It's just a feeling, and it's nice to say it." [28:40]

• Believing in Your Terms: Sarah highlights the importance of believing in the meaning of love before expressing it.

  "Fully believe what love means to you before saying it." [29:02]

5. Transitioning from Best Friends to Dating

Question from Diddly Namjoon: "If you're already best friends and then start dating, how much is your relationship going to change?"

Key Points:

• Communication is Key: Both Ian and Sarah emphasize the importance of honest and open communication to navigate the new dynamics.

  "Keep the communication very open." [33:24]

• Potential Risks and Rewards: Ian shares his personal experience of dating a best friend, highlighting both the initial excitement and the challenges that followed.

  "We started dating... but later I realized it wasn't what I wanted." [30:35]

• Maintaining Friendship: Courtney illustrates that successfully transitioning can preserve the friendship even if the romantic relationship doesn't work out.

  "They stayed friends even after dating didn't work out." [33:16]

6. Confronting a Lying Partner

Question from Midnight Snack: "What do you do when you know your significant other is lying but you don't like confrontation?"

Key Points:

• Respectful Confrontation: Sarah and Courtney stress the necessity of addressing lies respectfully to foster trust and growth in the relationship.

  "Respectfully bring things up... confrontation is a part of life." [35:16]

• Assessing Trust Issues: Ian shares a personal story about discovering his partner's lies, highlighting the importance of addressing trust to evaluate the relationship's future.

  "You have to talk about it more... see how they react." [35:15]

• Recognizing Red Flags: The trio advises recognizing persistent dishonesty as potential red flags signaling deeper issues in the relationship.

  "If you’re constantly having to call out lies, that’s a big red flag." [36:41]

7. Dating During COVID-19

Question from Is the fangirl Girl: "How do you date during COVID when you can't go anywhere?"

Key Points:

• Virtual Dates: Ian and Sarah promote video calls and virtual interactions as effective ways to maintain connections.

  "Video chat is harder than face-to-face, but it’s better than texting." [39:02]

• Outdoor Activities: Courtney suggests socially distanced outdoor activities, such as picnics and hikes, to safely enjoy time together.

  "Go on a hike or a kayak to stay safe and enjoy nature." [38:26]

• Creative Planning: The hosts encourage creativity in planning dates to adapt to current restrictions, making the experience fun and safe.

  "It forces you to think a little harder about how to plan a date." [40:14]

8. Pansexual Dating Challenges

Question from Frank: "I'm pansexual, giving me more options, but I'm still single. What do I do?"

Key Points:

• No Pressure from More Options: Courtney explains that being pansexual doesn't necessarily mean having more matches, as meaningful connections still require effort and compatibility.

  "Don't put more pressure on yourself thinking you have more options." [42:11]

• Exploration and Openness: Sarah and Ian emphasize the importance of exploring different attractions and staying open to various possibilities without rigid expectations.

  "Remain open to the possibilities... there is a learning curve." [43:36]

• Understanding Attraction: The hosts discuss the nuances within pansexuality, acknowledging that attraction can be complex and individualized.

  "There are so many veins within that main path." [43:54]

9. The Search for "The One"

Question from Addam Up: "Do you think our constant search for the one actually hurts our ability to have a meaningful relationship?"

Key Points:

• Multiple Potential Partners: Sarah challenges the notion of a singular soulmate, suggesting that multiple meaningful relationships can exist.

  "There are many ones... depending on the person you end up with." [44:21]

• Growth Within Relationships: Ian reinforces that relationships thrive on mutual growth and adaptability rather than searching for a perfect match.

  "Find someone and create something close to perfect together." [46:53]

• Balancing Expectations: Courtney advises balancing the search for compatibility with realistic expectations, allowing room for imperfections and growth.

  "Allow for some flaws because there’s no perfect person." [45:51]

10. Lightning Round Highlights

In the lightning round, the hosts address quick-fire questions from listeners, providing succinct and often humorous responses.

• Age Gaps:

  "It depends on the ages... Case by case." [51:10]

• Navigating Dating Apps Safely:

  "Don't go on a date if you feel unsafe... leave personal data out." [51:31]

• Carbon Dating (Humorous Take):

  "Wrong kind of dating... move on." [52:22]

• Meet Cutes in Online Dating:

  "I've experienced them and yes, I'd say they still happen." [52:41]

• Important Traits in a Significant Other:

  "Trustworthy, Funny, Emotionally available." [53:09]

• Rejecting a KFC Date:

  "Tell her it’s not going to work." [53:51]

• Dating vs. Strong Friendships:

  "You can bring a significant other into the friendship if you want, but it’s okay to stay close with friends without dating." [54:36]

Conclusion

The Smosh Mouth hosts wrap up the episode by reflecting on the insightful discussions, encouraging listeners to engage with their content across various platforms. They emphasize the importance of honest communication, self-awareness, and adaptability in navigating relationships.

Notable Closing Quotes:

"Shoot, dude. That's a story." [56:44]
"It's about growing together and creating something close to perfect." [46:53]

Key Takeaways:

• Self-Confidence: Building self-confidence is crucial before seeking a relationship.
• Open Communication: Honest and respectful communication can resolve misunderstandings and build trust.
• Flexibility in Standards: Maintaining core values while being open to different types of people enhances relationship prospects.
• Adaptability: Adjusting dating strategies during challenging times, like the COVID-19 pandemic, can help maintain connections.
• Rejecting the Perfect Match Myth: Focusing on mutual growth and compatibility rather than an unattainable "perfect" partner leads to more fulfilling relationships.

For more nuanced advice and entertaining discussions, tune in to the Smosh Mouth podcast every Wednesday for uncensored audio and every Friday for censored video content on their YouTube channel.