2025's Worst Person | Reading Reddit Stories

Summary

Smosh Reads Reddit Stories — “2025’s Worst Person” (Dec 27, 2025)

Episode Overview

The year-end episode of "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories" sees host Shane Topp and guests Amanda Lehan-Canto, Emily, and Bailey tackling a set of especially wild, uncomfortable, and hilarious Reddit posts. The stories—saved as too out-there for regular weeks—spark lively reactions ranging from disbelief to deep reflection and irreverent jokes. The crew discusses tales of inappropriate coworkers, over-the-top weddings, questionable parenting choices, and one Redditor’s deeply unhinged rant about human anatomy, all with their trademark mix of snark, empathy, and chaos.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Am I The Asshole? — Co-Worker Rubbing Belly at Office Party

Segment Start: [03:28]

• Story Recap:
  A woman asks if she’s the asshole for snapping at a coworker who, during a fiesta-themed office party, rubbed her belly and implied pregnancy (“maybe it’s because you’ve got a baby bird on the way”), even though she’s not pregnant and the coworker has made such comments before.

• Panel’s Take:

  • Amanda acknowledges her own past of enjoying belly touches—when clearly pregnant—but says it’s never appropriate at work, especially when OP is not pregnant ([05:46]).
  • The group speculates on the coworker’s motives, with Shane musing:

    “The only way this makes sense to me is if they’re a 90-year-old woman.” ([07:06])

  • Emily wonders if it's a weird obsession or even a kink, saying:

    “Everything’s a weird fucking kink. And you’re weird.” ([08:01])

  • General consensus: OP is not the asshole. People need to stop making unsolicited comments and touches about bodies—especially at work.

• Memorable Quotes:

  • Shane: “Don’t touch people’s bodies. Don’t comment about people’s bodies. These are good life rules. And imperative office rules.” ([09:22])
  • Amanda: “If someone has made it clear—I’m not pregnant, I don’t want to get pregnant...give it up, lady.” ([13:28])

---

2. Confession — "I Annie’d My Way Into Being Adopted By Rich People"

Segment Start: [16:33]

• Story Recap:
  A Redditor, adopted out of foster care, confesses they wrote and performed a song and dance for their prospective parents—intentionally “Annie-ing” them into adopting.

• Panel’s Take:

  • Emily and Amanda both see it less as manipulation, more as a heartfelt expression:

    “You’re just really showing who you are by being like, here I am.” ([18:38] Emily)

  • Shane suggests the dance was likely just a sweet indicator, not the sole reason they were adopted.
  • Lots of Annie movie/lore tangents—jokes about Daddy Warbucks, Carol Burnett’s role, and childhood performance memories.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Amanda: “When you’re a kid, you don’t associate dance with any type of like persuasiveness...you’re like, I love you and let me show you how much.” ([21:09])

---

3. Am I Overreacting? — Dad’s Inappropriate Golf Shirt

Segment Start: [23:26]

• Story Recap:
  A 19-year-old describes her dad’s new polo shirt, which is covered in illustrations of sexual positions, and her discomfort over him wearing it around family (including her 11-year-old sister) and children at campgrounds.

• Panel’s Take:

  • Crew reacts with a mix of laughter and dismay—grossed out by the dad but find the story hilarious.
  • Shane and Emily note: Context is everything—it might be a fratty joke among friends, but not appropriate around kids or family.
  • Amanda and Bailey joke about ways to “ruin” or get rid of the shirt.

• Memorable Moments:

  • Amanda, on the “golfers have high sex drive” justification:

    “Do golfers have high sex drive? What does that even fucking mean?” ([28:36])

  • Creative sabotage: OP points to sex positions and says she’s tried them all, embarrassing her dad into never wearing the shirt again ([32:34]).

---

4. WeddingShame — Last-Minute, Over-the-Top Wedding Demands

Segment Start: [33:37]

• Story Recap:
  A massive chain of wedding emails reveal a bride and groom who change the date last minute (to a weekday), split the ceremony and reception across two states, demand specific outfits (with restrictions on height, heels, religion, and makeup), ask for money ($650 per wedding party member), enforce an open/cash bar, have a plant as a gift (with detailed soil instructions), and generally alienate everyone.

• Panel’s Take:

  • The crew is progressively more aghast with each email.
  • Amanda: “K thanks on email is insane.” ([38:44])
  • The episode features extended roasting of the bride’s “quirky” persona, erratic demands, and contradictions (“we love you—just pay $650!”).
  • Jokes about the event being like an acting gig—strict call times, costume rules, no dietary accommodations.

• Quotes & Reactions:

  • Shane: “This has to be an absolute demon.” ([49:50])
  • Bailey: “You have to be a certain amount of Catholic to do the ceremony—and a certain amount of drunk to do the reception.” ([45:47])
  • Emily: “I don’t think we should clip that at all.” ([76:03], about the story’s absurdity)
  • Amanda: “Vaginas are a beautiful, beautiful thing. If you got a problem with it, leave.” ([73:15], in jest, referencing both wedding and next story)

---

5. The 10th Dentist — "Vaginas Are Badly Optimized Interfaces" Unhinged Rant

Segment Start: [56:54]

• Story Recap:
  A straight male Redditor posts a shockingly misogynistic, pseudo-intellectual rant about why he believes vaginas are a “badly optimized interface” and should be “evolutionarily eradicated,” comparing them unfavorably to penises in excruciating detail.

• Panel’s Reaction:

  • Stunned disbelief, laughter, and escalating incredulity—pausing multiple times to reread passages.
  • Amanda and Emily immediately point out the deep misunderstanding of both anatomy and basic empathy.
  • Bailey: “This is the gayest thing I’ve ever read.” ([61:21])
  • Jokes fly about the “hidden clitoris” (“the real villain is Helen” [68:44]), and how this POV could only come from deep insecurity and personal failure.
  • Shane, exasperated:

    “You don’t have to post this. This guy wrote all of this by choice.” ([66:20])

  • The group skewers the anatomical ignorance (“Show me the magic balls make.” [72:52]) and total lack of self-awareness.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Amanda: “I just need a big clit. That’s it. And my interface will be a penis.” ([66:22])
  • Emily: “I can talk with people who have vaginas...My body wants me dead. But then this little piece of poop on a shirt with people 69ing on the shirt—this high sex drive golfer is gonna come in here and talk shit about my vagina?” ([73:29])
  • Shane: “I hate when people speak in an intellectually condescending way, and then what they’re saying is really, really stupid and not thought through.” ([75:16])

---

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Amanda, on wedding emails:

  “K is just not a cool thing to say. K thanks on email is insane.” ([38:44])

• About the adoption confession:

  Shane: “Annie didn’t con, she charmed...Glad you got yourself a loving home.” ([22:22])

• About the weird sex shirt:

  Amanda: “One of them just looks like they’re hugging, so I think that one’s fine.” ([26:44])

• On the anatomy rant:

  Emily: “If Courtney was here, there’d be a Looney Tunes style silhouette of her in the wall.” ([67:56])

• Wrap-up banter:

  Amanda: “I want to be mad, but my brain is broken.” ([71:19])

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Snapping at Pregnant Comments / Belly Rub: [03:28]–[15:30]
• "Annie’d" Adoption Confession: [16:33]–[22:58]
• Dad’s Golf Sex Shirt: [23:26]–[33:31]
• Nightmare Wedding Emails: [33:37]–[55:01]
• “Badly Optimized” Anatomy Rant: [56:54]–[76:40]

---

Tone & Chemistry

• Loose, playful, irreverent: Hosts are quick to joke, riff, and escalate bits (e.g., extended riffs about wedding regulations, “high sex drive golfers,” and anatomical diagrams).
• Honest, occasionally serious: The panel highlights the real harm in boundary-crossing behavior and unchecked entitlement, especially regarding bodily autonomy and wedding planning.
• Warm and inclusive: The Smosh cast is quick to affirm positives—like the sweetness of childhood enthusiasm or the importance of consent—while lovingly roasting the absurd.

---

Summary

This year-end Smosh special delivers wall-to-wall entertainment and incisive commentary, deftly balancing empathy, glittering wit, utter ridiculousness, and cathartic rants. The playlist of Reddit stories ranges from the real and relatable (workplace boundaries, found family) to the downright cartoonish (self-absorbed wedding tyrants, dangerously dumb anatomy takes). The cast’s dynamic chemistry, off-the-cuff jokes, and willingness to both dissect and dunk on nonsense make even the wildest stories land with heart—and a lot of laughter.

---

For anyone who missed it, rest assured: the belly grabs were condemned, the adoption was sweet, the golf shirts were burned, the wedding was a cautionary tale, and the anatomy guy… well, Reddit already called him the worst person of 2025.

Transcript

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[Shane]

Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us.

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[Shane]

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[Shane]

Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads. Hey, Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today it's our final episode of Reddit stories of 2025. And the great thing is, it might be our final episode of Reddit stories for 2025, but it is the first episode of Reddit Stories in a while that has our good friend Amanda Lehan Canto, who is busy talking to Angela. They've been talking for months now, but today, me too. We have the wildest story.

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

Sorry.

[Emily]

So we haven't. We haven't been in a video together yet.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

We haven't been in a video. Were you catching her up?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Hi, Shane.

[Shane]

Hi, Amanda.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah, we were just talking about fettuccine and, you know, farts.

[Shane]

That's so great.

[Emily]

Well, I barf a little love when I have fettuccine.

[Shane]

That's how. That's traditional, you know.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I'm back.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And it feels good. It feels good to be back on this couch with this.

[Bailey]

Yes.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

God, I love this blanket.

[Shane]

Absolutely nothing has changed.

[Emily]

Nothing.

[Bailey]

Nothing.

[Shane]

I. Shockingly, the same couch, same chair.

[Bailey]

Goodness.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Emily]

But you have had her all day. Now I get her.

[Bailey]

Yeah, that's true.

[Emily]

All right, so just keep the reading quick.

[Shane]

Okay. Our producers, they've been saving these stories for this episode. These are some of the wildest stories they've come across this year where they couldn't quite find the right spot for them, so they saved them for now for us. They saved them for you. Yay. So I think we'll need to buckle up for this whole episode.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Okay. Yeah, it's from here. Buckle.

[Shane]

Buckle.

[Emily]

Yeah, it's one of the.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, my God.

[Bailey]

Yeah, buckle.

[Shane]

Nice. We're at Six Flags. Yeah. Which is not a good omen. A bad omen. All right, all right. Well, are we ready to hop in final one of 2025?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Ready.

[Shane]

Okay, here we go. Our first story. Am I the asshole? This was posted earlier this year, around April. Am I the asshole for snapping when someone rubbed my belly and implied I might be pregnant? So today, my office building was throwing a little fiesta themed event and they offered free lunch in the cafeteria. A bunch of us went down to grab food. While I was standing in line, I opened the Nest camera app to check on something and saw a little bird that's been showing up outside every day. I laughed and casually said to no one in particular, this bird comes to visit me every day. Right after I said that, a coworker who has made pregnancy comments toward me before came up, rubbed my belly without asking, and said something like, maybe it's because you've got a baby bird on the way. I felt this immediate wave of rage like, why are we still doing this in 2025? So I said, don't be wishing that kind of bad luck on me. She looked super taken aback, and my boss, who overheard, also looked at me like I just said something offensive. It felt like I was the crazy one for being upset, but I didn't ask to be touched. I'm not pregnant, and I don't really like people making those kinds of comments about my body. Now I'm wondering, am I the asshole for reacting the way I did? Edit, I am not overweight, which only makes it weirder because I do not look pregnant. There's a couple of rays of sunshine trying to make me feel bad about my weight. Maybe I need to be more specific. My coworker did not do this out of my looks. That's why I'm concerned, because even though, yes, I'm not the fittest person I know. I don't look pregnant.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

First of all, fiesta themed party.

[Bailey]

I thought the same thing.

[Shane]

Fiesta themed.

[Bailey]

I went, well, is it Cinco de Mayo or what is it? That's the one thing I know.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

What's translation of fiesta party?

[Shane]

Yeah, party, party.

[Bailey]

Party themed party.

[Shane]

A party themed party.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And a little bit like saying that a bird is coming to you.

[Emily]

That's okay. I was gonna say off the bat, you're weird.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Feels a little Cinderella wannabe thing.

[Shane]

They might be weird.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Snow white. Snow white. Snow white.

[Emily]

Could you imagine a universe where someone goes, hoo hoo. This little birdie visits me to no one. And then somebody comes out of nowhere.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And goes, maybe it's cause you've got a little birdie.

[Shane]

Maybe it's cause you've got a bird on the way. Weird.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Weird also, yeah. Touching a belly is. I will say, when I was pregnant, I really enjoyed people touching my belly. I did. But it was pretty clear, right? It was at the clear point that I was pregnant.

[Emily]

And was it anybody?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Well, it wasn't the Trader Joe's guy. Yeah, I mean he did. And I was like, hey, walk me to my car. But I. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Oh, I'm joking. I mean every Trader Joe's guy did say, when do you do? And I'm like, good thing.

[Shane]

I.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Good thing there's a baby in here, bud. But I like this.

[Emily]

This is weird.

[Shane]

On.

[Emily]

So the touching is.

[Shane]

Well, cause you're at. This is a co worker. They shouldn't be touching you.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

You're a co worker, you're at work. And this person said, they clearly do not look pregnant. That's where I'm getting confused.

[Shane]

Yeah, they're like, I don't look pregnant. I'm not pregnant. This coworker's made pregnancy statements before to them.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah. What is that?

[Shane]

So this coworker has a weird thing going on with saying that they're pregnant when they don't even look pregnant.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Does the co worker. Did they hear from someone else that this person might be pregnant? And then also like, who calls a baby a little bird on the way?

[Emily]

I know, maybe.

[Shane]

Cause you got a little bird on the way here. I kind of want to know more about who this co worker is. Cause the only way that this makes sense to me is if they're a 90 year old woman.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Right.

[Shane]

Like a. Like that's the only way that I'm like, okay, I just let her be.

[Emily]

Like, no one's allowed to touch without asking. Sometimes 90 year old women can't.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I do agree.

[Shane]

I'm like, she's confused. She's confused, does not know where she is.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh yeah, I had a neighbor of mine, she's like in her 70s, and she, she grabbed my belly and then lifted it.

[Shane]

Holy God.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

What do you do? And she lifted it.

[Bailey]

And you know what?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I went, thanks, that's a relief.

[Emily]

She lifted it.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

She went, what do you do? And it's like, she, oh, don't. She went, you know, And I took it in stride.

[Emily]

In stride.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

What are you supposed to do? What are you supposed to do?

[Shane]

Kill him? No, I'm just kidding.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Well, but this, this is unheard of. I do not think that she is the asshole at all.

[Emily]

I'm scared that because this is a repeated thing that this person's into that person, into opinion and is into the fact that they're pregnant in some weird way. Like, I'm like, Reddit hat on. And I'm like, everything's a weird fucking kink. And you're weird. Okay, I'm not a kink shame. But I don't like this person touching that person and being like, you're pregnant, huh? You're pregnant, huh?

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, that's my fear. That's where the 90 year old woman thing comes in my head. Cause otherwise everything else just seems horrifious.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And every voice you guys have done for the person has been a creepy voice.

[Emily]

Like a. I mean, can you.

[Shane]

I said, oh, they got a bird on the way.

[Emily]

Yeah, maybe because he had a little bird on the way.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

He had a little bird on the way.

[Emily]

Try to sound really cool. Well, maybe it's because you have a little bird on the way.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah, well, it didn't work.

[Shane]

The more earnest you go, the worse it gets.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh boy.

[Shane]

Okay, verdict was, not the asshole. Yeah, comments, not the asshole. Your boss was just giving their initial reaction to one employee verbally snapping at the other. I wouldn't worry about that unless it is followed up with comments confirming they believe you are in the wrong. OP is asking if they're the asshole for snapping back when someone grabbed their belly and said, maybe that's because there's a bird on the way. I think we know that they're not the asshole for that.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, no, maybe it's because it's bird. Yeah. Oh, they said it like that. I mean, of course that's fine.

[Shane]

It's just a joke. Someone said, not the asshole. Don't touch people's bodies. Don't comment about people's bodies. These are good life rules. And imperative office rules. I'd be chatting with HR immediately if I were you. Someone said, not the asshole. No touching and no assuming a woman is pregnant until she tells you or you see the baby crowning. Even then don't comment on it. She's busy. I think she's pregnant. Someone said, normalize slapping people's hands away. Someone said, not the asshole. I'm overweight and sometimes people think I'm pregnant, like asking me when I'm due. But no one has ever laid hands on me like some people do. I would lose my mind. I do not understand why people think that is okay to do to anyone.

[Emily]

No.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah. You should not be touching anyone without their permission or making assumptions. And also you're at work. It's kind of like.

[Emily]

Yeah, it's an old fashioned thing too that like I think older generations will like talk about people's bodies in a way that we're just like. That's just so not what people do anymore.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

They don't understand it and they don't get it. They don't. They do not. I think they think they're giving a. Not in this case, but I think older generation sometimes thinks they're giving a compliment when it's like you should not be saying that. But they actually do not. They do not understand it. It's been unchecked for years of them saying this. But do we know how old?

[Shane]

They don't say anything.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I don't even think we get assuming.

[Shane]

I don't think we get anything about this co worker who says all this stuff. Do we get.

[Emily]

The whole thing is kind of weird.

[Shane]

Especially the bird, especially the fiesta themed event.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Weir, what do they have for food for the fiesta themed event?

[Shane]

They don't even give the gender, the age or anything of the coworker. The coworker is completely.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

See, we need that and it is true.

[Shane]

Cause like yeah, we need to know.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

If they are over 70.

[Emily]

It's still not okay. But it gives a little bit of understanding.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Correct and correct.

[Shane]

Yeah. Op left a comment about the co worker.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Okay.

[Shane]

So we get some more context. I am starting to think, in fact that she is obsessed with me being pregnant. She is always making comments about me getting pregnant even though I have told her I am not interested in that. Nor is my husband. He even got a vasectomy because we don't want kids. She got pregnant old so she thinks I'm gonna change my mind most of the time. She's a very sweet lady, but this one thing is driving me crazy also, even though we are in Texas. She is from Latin America. And I know it is a cultural thing too.

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[Shane]

Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Cut the camera. They see us.

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[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

What? First of all, just. Just regardless of any of that, if someone has made it clear I'm not pregnant, I don't want to get pregnant. My husband, you know, got the fucking hysterectomy. Like, give it up, lady. Yeah, give it up. It's not even your daughter, right?

[Bailey]

Let it go.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Enjoy the fiesta. Watch the birds. Stop doing this.

[Shane]

Yeah. It's also. I feel like we've read stories too, where it's exhausting. I feel like women deal with this a lot where they're like, no, this is a decision I've made. And people go, you're gonna change your mind. It's like, hey, fuck you, man.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Do you know what I can't handle? I think early on, a couple people were like, well, I don't know. You won't fully experience, like, what it's like to be a woman.

[Emily]

I've heard that, too. I've heard there's a part. There's a magic you're never gonna touch.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Without and I'm like, first of all, that is not up to you to decide what type of magic I'm gonna touch. Maybe I jump off a fucking cliff with a parachute. And that's magic.

[Emily]

Like, there you go.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

You know that worked, right? It's my first time back.

[Emily]

You're getting there. You're killing it.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I'm gonna land this. Absolutely crushing it. I'm gonna land it. And it's happening.

[Shane]

These are all Mission Impossible references. And they're dope.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And they're dope.

[Shane]

I was really cool.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

They're all the Mission Impossible.

[Shane]

Hey, hey. And you know what was more magical?

[Emily]

There you go.

[Shane]

Mission Impossible or having a kid.

[Emily]

You know, it's just such a dated. It's also just like. It's problematic, too, to just assume all women could have babies. It's problematic to make it their identity. I mean, come on. We learned that, like, what, in 2002?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

What's going on? No, literally not. I talk about this a lot on Reddit is we really need to understand that, like, when you look at a woman, don't immediately think that she can have a child.

[Emily]

But we're on Reddit.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

What do you mean?

[Emily]

I was just making a joke about how Reddit's awful to women.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, I know, but I'm so sorry.

[Emily]

You were landing your plane.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I was landing my plane. And now we hit some turbulence. Cause there's so many birds up there.

[Emily]

Little birds.

[Shane]

Little bird.

[Bailey]

Little bird is coming out.

[Shane]

I take this stuff to the extreme where I will see someone who is, like, definitely pregnant. Like, they are days away from having the baby and you're not talking about it. And I'll be like, I don't know. I'm not gonna. I'm gonna pretend I don't see it.

[Emily]

I do the same thing.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

No, I do the same thing. I do not often go up to someone and go, when's your due date? Not at all. If I am walking with my son and they are holding their back and walking and they're holding their belly and they're smiling at me like, I can't wait to get to that point, then I'll smile. I don't even say shit. Then I'll smile. And I go, yeah, congrats.

[Emily]

I even feel a little inappropriate when I comment on someone's new haircut. It's their body. I'm not gonna talk about it.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Wait, really? We can comment on my haircut?

[Emily]

That was weird to me.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Unless it's bad.

[Shane]

Okay, our next story is a confession.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Ooh.

[Shane]

It was posted in August I was.

[Emily]

Gonna say, you're safe here, babe. Don't worry, we're not recording this.

[Shane]

Okay. I Annie'd my way into being adopted by rich people.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

What a brilliant title.

[Shane]

Yeah. So I've been thinking about how I was adopted, and I just realized I totally pulled an Annie on my parents. Now they aren't Mr. Warbucks rich, but they're comfortable. They had taken me in as a foster kid when I was 11, and I really liked them. So about four months into them fostering me, I wrote them a whole song with choreography about wanting a family. Mind you, this was the work of an 11 year old. So it wasn't exactly a Disney Channel worthy performance, but it worked. A couple weeks later, they told me they wanted to adopt me. And when I asked them later on why they chose me, they told me it was because my song and dance really touched them. I totally Annie'd them. But hey, at least it worked. I must not be too terrible of a songwriter after all.

[Emily]

Okay, I really love this.

[Shane]

What?

[Emily]

I really love this. But I'm so sorry. We just have to stop for a second. Because she said. Cause Opie said, Mr. Warbucks. It's Daddy Warburg.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah, Daddy Warbucks. I felt the same way. I went, who's Mr. Warbucks?

[Shane]

Mr. Warbucks.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

So she didn't really Annie them if she didn't know that it was Daddy.

[Shane]

Yeah. She's never seen Annie. So how do we know?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Did you guys know that that actor, Daddy Warbucks. Daddy Warbucks.

[Shane]

What happened to Daddy?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Well, I think he passed on, but he's in Big Fish. He's in so many movies and I never made the connection.

[Shane]

This feels unfortunate. Amanda, it's great to have you back.

[Bailey]

Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And we're back to talking about a non talking child for four months.

[Emily]

And we know for a fact you've been talking to him and going, that actor's from something. Huh?

[Shane]

What's he from?

[Emily]

Oh, my God.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah, what's he from?

[Emily]

Okay, this is really sweet, but I also understand OP being like, did I, like, perform my way into their hearts? But also naturally, if I imagine. I can't imagine being in this space where you're like picking a kid, but you see a kid just put their heart out there.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Emily]

That's like. I don't think they're manipulating those people. They're just really showing who they are by being like, here I am.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Emily]

And I don't. I've also never really thought about Annie being like a girl boss. Manipulator.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

She totally was.

[Emily]

I thought they were transfixed by her. I didn't think she came out and was like, me, da, da, da, da.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

She kinda.

[Emily]

No, they was the ones that are like, come into this department store and become a new person.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

You know, she was funny and cool and had that big dog.

[Emily]

But, like, I feel like Annie was the bullied one in the corner. And all the other orphans were like, pick me, pick me. And it's like a cute underdog story where Daddy Warbuck's picked.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

You never saw it?

[Shane]

I saw it. It's just been a minute since I've seen Annie.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Me, too.

[Emily]

I'm trying to figure out why she.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Was picked, but I don't think she's Carol Burnett. That's all we need to know.

[Emily]

That's all we fucking need to know. Carol Burnett in the bathtub with the cigarettes, so drunk.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And she puts gin in her tub. She does put gin in her tub. I think she takes a tub in gin.

[Emily]

Do you think us little kids, you and I watched that movie and didn't focus on Annie, but Carol?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I focused on Carol.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I was, like, obsessed with Carol. Cause I was, like, a little bit scared of her, but I kind of wanted her as, like, an aunt.

[Emily]

Like, I think Annie was, like, a perfect little girl. And instead of being like, that's who I should act like, I was like, oh, I should act like that Carol.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Burnett and be like, steal the money. That explains so much about us.

[Emily]

Wow. So I don't think she did that. I understand it sounds like she manipulated them by singing and dancing, but I also think that's her showing how much she wanted to be chosen.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Emily]

I don't think there's anything bad about that.

[Shane]

I mean, my interpretation is this is more like, when asked, like, why'd you adopt me? They were just like. I mean, you danced for us. Your dance was so great. I feel like they were already planning on adopting her.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Right, Right.

[Shane]

I think the dance highlights just how much she cared about them. And probably just, like, an example of everything going on.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Isn't that such an amazing way to show someone that you love them? I don't know about you, but when my grandparents would come over, my sisters and I would be like, sit down. We would literally be in our nightgowns, which were really spit. We're just like, essentially, like, little slips.

[Emily]

And we would put on a record.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And we'd be like, sit down now. Don't talk. The show's about to start. And we would dance for, like, a solid hour. And they couldn't move.

[Shane]

They were stuck there.

[Emily]

And I think when you're a kid, you don't associate dance with any type of like persuasiveness. No, I think it's true joy or it's just expression. And you're like, when little kids dance, they're not like, I'm trying to get you to love me.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

But they're like, I love you and let me show you how much.

[Emily]

Look at me spin.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I'll show you how much I love you. Get on top of me, sister.

[Bailey]

And we're gonna flip.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

That was my life.

[Shane]

Comments? Yeah. Annie didn't con, she charmed. Nobody in either scenario was under the impression they were getting something other than a sweet little kid to take care of. You won their hearts. You're all good. Glad you got yourself a loving home. Every child deserves 1.7,000 upvotes someone said I did the same thing, but without realizing it. LOL. I was 4 years old and just got my first pair of tap shoes from the donation center when my prospect parents came to visit. I danced for them because I loved my tap shoes. Turns out my soon to be mother was a dancer. A jazz dancer. She immediately fell in love with me and my two younger bio sisters. We were all adopted together. Just had our 20 year adoption anniversary.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh my God.

[Emily]

That's the sweetest shit I've ever heard. You know what I'm thinking? Like it's kind of like when like you go pick out a pet like from the like, like and like a pet like somehow picks you.

[Bailey]

Yeah.

[Emily]

People always talk about that.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Emily]

Where it's like something happens, but then I'll just say if I walked into an orphanage and there was an orphan tapping, I'd be like, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Not you.

[Emily]

I'd be like, you're pushing it.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Hey.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Trying a little hard.

[Shane]

Hey, look, you're four years old.

[Emily]

Slow down.

[Bailey]

I don't have money.

[Shane]

Cigarette in her mouth.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Hey, take me back to your mansion.

[Shane]

Last comment. Someone said if an 11 year old walked into my house today and sang a song about being a part of my family, I would adopt that kid immediately. You didn't con anyone. You were just an amazing kid. And of course they wanted to have you in their family.

[Emily]

That's really sweet.

[Shane]

This is a very sweet. You're pushing it.

[Emily]

I can't believe I said that.

[Bailey]

We should cut that.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

No, keep it.

[Emily]

If I saw that something's not here.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Someone isn't who they say they are.

[Emily]

That's the LA in me. I'm like, if someone performs for it, relax.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I know. It's so true.

[Shane]

It's that one scary movie. Orphan.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

That movie's so scary, they made a second one.

[Emily]

Oh, no. They're talking about movies again.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, yeah. We'll go on forever. You can't stop us.

[Shane]

Just me and Reba. All right, our next story comes from two hot takes. Shout out to our friend Morgan over there at two hot takes. Hi, Morgan. They write. Am I overreacting for being uncomfortable with my dad's new shirt? Okay, this is 19 year old girl, writes my dad. 45 year old man is weird. In recent years, he's gotten into golfing with some of his camping friends and is starting to get pretty serious about it. Last year, he and his friend bought some Titleist gear and then shortly after that, got a hat in the same Titleist font. Says titties.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

It's not funny.

[Shane]

It's not funny. Yeah, it's obviously not funny.

[Emily]

Do you wanna get that clean so you're not smiling when you say titties?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

No, keep it, keep it, keep it.

[Shane]

I'm laughing because for the longest time my dad was big into golf. I thought it was titliest. I thought it was titliest. Everyone knows I mispronounce every damn word. I was saying titliest.

[Emily]

I know a lot of people listen to this as an audio medium, so I just want everyone to know, for the record, when Shane read titties, big smile.

[Shane]

Hey, look, some words.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Hey, look, he likes titties.

[Shane]

What can he say? Some words.

[Bailey]

Get me.

[Shane]

I actually thought this hat was super funny and would steal it all the time. Well, the other day I came home from work and my mom asked me if I've seen dad's new golfing shirt on the table. I hadn't. So I go out there to look and he had gotten a Happy Gilmore jersey and a polo shirt that was filled with various sex positions. He had both of these proudly displaying on our dining room table. I was really grossed out. My mom then told me that my little sister, who's 11, had seen the shirt too. Mom asked her if she knew what it was and my sister responded, I probably shouldn't know and walked away. I told her that it was gross inappropriate and that it shouldn't have been left out for my sister to see. She responded by telling me that she thinks golfers have a high sex drive. And that is funny and just what golfers do.

[Emily]

The 11 year old said that?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Uh, no. The mall.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh my God. Hey, I'm gonna go tap dance over here. Guess what? High sticks drive.

[Shane]

You know, it's how this turns out.

[Emily]

Golfers have high sex drive. Pick me. I'll be outside.

[Shane]

So she told her mom that it was gross, inappropriate and all that, and her mom responded by telling me that she thinks golfers have a high sex drive. And that is funny and just what golfers do. All of my parents friends ages 43 plus think it is hilarious and are excited for him to wear it. All of my. All of my friends ages 18 to 21 all think that it is inappropriate and isn't something a dad with a little one should proudly wear, especially in a campground full of young kids. My mom says I'm overreacting and that it's not that big of a deal. I know. He's a grown adult who can wear literally whatever he wants. He even has a shirt of a stick figure humping the words fuck your feelings. Well, we know exactly what kind of dad this is. Whoa. But for some reason, this shirt is bothering me and my friends have come up with some creative ideas on how we can ruin it. So. Really, am I overreacting for this shirt? We have the shirt if you want to take a look.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yes, please. Yes.

[Emily]

Are you fucking kidding?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Are you fucking.

[Shane]

Wait, so it doesn't help that the shirt's also stupid looking? Like, it's not a good shirt.

[Emily]

What?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, it's an ugly.

[Emily]

It's an ugly shirt.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

It's a sleeve.

[Shane]

It's also a bad shirt for the listener at home.

[Emily]

It's an ugly fit.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

It's an ugly shirt. But I'm so glad we got the zoom in. One of them just looks like they're hugging, so I think that one's fine.

[Shane]

Yeah, some of them are just platonic. No, this is inappropriate.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

What an interesting shirt. From afar you wouldn't be able to tell, but close up.

[Shane]

So there's no official verdict on this. Comments are all over the place. But leaning towards it's definitely a choice. It's definitely inappropriate. He has an 11 year old daughter wearing that. I just. I'm just like, okay, man.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah, gross.

[Emily]

I also, like, I don't know, maybe this is. Maybe you cut this. But what is this thing about saying.

[Shane]

Golfers are really the mom's response of oh, golfers have a high sex drive and all this stuff? It's just not.

[Emily]

Honestly, growing up in church, they would say, boys, you have to make sure you're not wearing. They were worried about our modesty and they would be like, modest is hottest and they'd say, tell us. They'd tell us that men think of sex, like, every second and they can't help it, and you have to help them. Not sexualize you was always what we were told over and over again. And that's what this kind of reminded me of is being like, hey, he's allowed to think that way cause he's a golfer.

[Shane]

What?

[Emily]

I feel like sex drives can be for any gender, any sport, playing, whatever, all this. And that doesn't give you an excuse to be a creep and wear fucking crude things around children. That's so fucked up.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I know. And I actually hate that of just like, oh, men, they all think about sex. So, like, you gotta kinda cover up because they can't control themselves or someone.

[Emily]

Else'S sex drive is your problem.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Right, right. Exactly.

[Shane]

Like this dad has a free pass to do whatever he wants. Cause it's like, yeah, it's just how he is. He's a golfer.

[Rocket Money Advertiser 2]

Yeah.

[Emily]

I'm so sorry he has to wear this shirt because he has such a.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

High sex drive and. Do golfers have high sex drive?

[Emily]

Does that even fucking mean?

[Shane]

I read that.

[Emily]

I think they got a boring drive.

[Shane]

Oh, God.

[Bailey]

Boom.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Got him. Love that.

[Emily]

Gotta get a personality drive. Oh, boom, there he goes.

[Bailey]

Oh, mine's over here. Whoa, watch out. Whoa.

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

I won't like this.

[Bailey]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Shane]

I think you started playing baseball there. I'm gonna be honest.

[Bailey]

Hey, Nate. Oh.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Now we can't come.

[Shane]

And now our halftime performance. Someone please adopt her.

[Bailey]

She's up for adoption.

[Shane]

This dystopian world we've created.

[Emily]

Singing the national anthem is a girl up for a job.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Her name is Gertrude.

[Shane]

Jesus Christ. The Hunger Games comments. Just point to a few of the images on the shirt and say, I've tried this position. This one. This one too. And yeah, I want to try this one now. You'll never see the shirt again. Someone said. Not overreacting. Sure, it's funny. In a college frat kind of way. Embarrassing for a father figure with young children. Lastly, someone said, I actually have this shirt. I only wear it very sparingly, in very select company, and very aware at how cringy and ridiculous it is. I couldn't imagine wearing it around relatives, coworkers, or strangers unless the intent was to make them uncomfortable. And that would make me an asshole. Who's that?

[Emily]

Can we reach out to them?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah, let's do that.

[Emily]

That was a great commenter, because that was brave to be like, I do own this shirt, but here is a responsible person.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yes, Right.

[Emily]

Because I don't think it's, like, shitty that that shirt exists.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Agreed.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And I don't think you can be like, you're canceled because you wear the shirt.

[Emily]

Exactly.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

But it's also just like, you know, that's what the shirt is.

[Shane]

It's the context. Right. Like, yeah. If you're hanging out with a bunch of friends, you're going to a stupid party where the vibe fits that. And it's like, oh, I'm gonna wear this ridiculous shirt.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah. Or to a fiesta.

[Shane]

Fine. Yeah. Or a fiesta to party.

[Emily]

Little fiesta.

[Shane]

Update.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Two months later, someone burned the shirt. I was gonna say, she thinks they took care of the shirt.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

She took a shit out. He's like, I can't wait to wear it. I go for with a high poop.

[Bailey]

Oh, no, I can't poop here.

[Shane]

And someone goes, I think there's a bird on the way.

[Bailey]

And her hand puts right in the.

[Shane]

Right on the shit.

[Bailey]

Singing the national anthem. Pick me this boat. Also, my favorite of that bit was he who started going, I'm a golfer with a so high texture. Oh. Oh, no, it's me. I'll go for with a high sex. Oh, poop.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

There's a Bruno.

[Bailey]

Oh, there's poop.

[Shane]

Holy shit. Okay, so let's see if that happens. Yeah.

[Emily]

That's my prediction.

[Bailey]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Small update, but my plan worked. Take your shit.

[Emily]

She put a little birdie.

[Bailey]

I would die.

[Shane]

Birdie. Golf, birdie. So today my mom and dad went golfing and he wore the shirt. They left before I was awake, so I had to wait till they got home. And I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I'm sitting on the deck and my dad was walking into the camper. So I got up to talk to him. OP says, hey, I've done those before. Done what? Dad replies. I poke at various spots on his shirt. Dad says, you did not just say that to me. I can't believe you would do that. Get the fuck out of my camper. What's wrong with you? Did you hear what she just said to me? This is his sense of humor. So I wasn't hurt, just happy that it worked. Lol. Oh, so he was saying, like, you did not just say that to me. I can't believe you would do that. Get the fuck out of like. So he was saying it, like, humorously.

[Emily]

Cool.

[Shane]

All right. He then went into the camper and immediately took the shirt off. Followed by, there are some truths that I don't need to hear later. We're sitting by the fire and he starts telling the story to our friends and starts off with, you want to know what ruined my day today? So I think it was a success. And I don't think he'll be wearing that shirt anytime soon. That's awesome. Should have pooped.

[Emily]

I mean, I think it still worked.

[Shane]

I think that worked as well.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

But yeah, no, that definitely worked. But come on.

[Shane]

I like in your version, he gets the shirt on entirely.

[Bailey]

He's getting it off the hanger.

[Emily]

In your version with a poop on it.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Well, he only sees he's in a rush, okay? Cause golfers have to get there.

[Bailey]

And he has a high sex drive.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

He has a super high sex drive. So he doesn't flip the shirt around. So he only grabs it from behind and then he puts it on and.

[Emily]

He goes, oh, he didn't recognize the poop.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I know this guy.

[Emily]

Yeah, you know, we all know this guy.

[Shane]

Oh, dude, I know this guy. Our next story.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, wow.

[Shane]

This comes from the Summer June of 2025. This comes from the subreddit weddingshame. Title reads, Wedding date changed last minute to a weekday in another state.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Ooh.

[Shane]

Oof.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oof.

[Shane]

We have 10 photos that I'm gonna read through. These are all email exchanges. Oof.

[Emily]

Oh, I love that.

[Shane]

From the people having the wedding. Subject line, bold, all caps. Important, three exclamation marks. Date change. Hi, everyone. We wanna make you aware of a critically important update. The ceremony date is now June 27th and the location has changed. Please note this down carefully. We have decided we want to have a church ceremony in addition to our planned beach ceremony and reception. The officiant of our choice does not do weddings at locations outside of his church. Having a church ceremony is very important to us morally and ethically. We are canceling the beach ceremony to spare redundancies. There will still be a reception on the beach. The ceremony will now be Friday, June 27, at 2pm at Oregon. The reception will be the following day at Blank in Port Angeles, Washington.

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[Shane]

And Doug.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

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[Shane]

Uh, Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

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[Liberty Mutual Voice]

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[Bailey]

They have to cross the lines if.

[Shane]

You cannot make the 27th, we understand, but please be aware that will be the only opportunity to participate in professional photos. Oh it continues on Bridesmaids, we kindly ask you wear this yellow dress for the 27th. Still reserve the gray dress you already purchased to wear on the 28th after viewing the interior of the church. Gray just would not work. Thanks. They misspelled groomsman. They said groomsman Nailed it.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

They're in a rush.

[Emily]

Yellow ties poop on their shirt.

[Shane]

Yellow ties will be provided for you on the day of the ceremony. If you have any concerns, go ahead and reach out to our super girly wedding planner. Thanks three Ks four Ss and that thanks. Can't wait to celebrate with you heart. So there's a message responding to that from a bridesmaid coming from halfway across the country, also a relative of the groom. Am I understanding the above message correctly to mean your wedding ceremony is now on a weekday during the day? If so, I have to admit I am pretty surprised and disappointed. My family booked tickets months in advance to travel to Washington and the church appears to be several hours away, necessitating another hotel stay. Between that and the unexpected day off work, we can't afford this extra day. I was not participating for the party aspect so much as the special memory of seeing you and Blank get married and be a part of that milestone. If I am misunderstanding something or if there is another ceremony that will be happening on the 28th, I apologize for the confusion, but please let me know asap.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh boy.

[Shane]

Someone else responded being like what's Your reply alls.

[Emily]

That's when you know something's fucked. Oh.

[Shane]

The bride responds to that saying, let's be respectful and take this offline please. Ladies, friendly reminder. Contact blank directly with any concerns so as to not spam everyone's inbox. K thanks. Whoa.

[Bailey]

K thanks is.

[Shane]

K thanks.

[Emily]

K thanks. In this time is crazy.

[Shane]

Kthx. Kay thanks all.

[Bailey]

Kay thanks.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Is has always been word crazy.

[Shane]

There's one thing pretty rough.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

K is just not a cool thing to say.

[Emily]

K thanks on email is insane.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Another email from the bride. Another big one.

[Emily]

Reply all.

[Shane]

All in bold subject line bold quick updates and reminders. Hi everyone.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh no.

[Shane]

Lot of eyes in these highs. We are so excited to have you as members of our wedding party. Thank you to those of you who actually care and stuck with us.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

This is good.

[Emily]

This is fucking awesome.

[Shane]

A few quick notes to do's and FYIs General, we will no longer be using a wedding planner. Blank and I sheep. The girly.

[Emily]

The girly. What was her name? Wedding girly.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah. Wedding girly planner something.

[Shane]

Blank and I are just too quirky to fit into a box. Fuck this box. I'm dying.

[Bailey]

She goes, I'm dying.

[Shane]

Holy God.

[Bailey]

Our wedding.

[Emily]

You have to cross state lines to go to the reception. And I'm too quirky to fit in a box.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And just speak to the girly. The girly's like, I'm out.

[Shane]

I can't fit into a box. Adopting a bop.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Adopt me.

[Emily]

Adopt me.

[Shane]

Blake and I are just too quirky to fit into a box. We're doing things our own way. Please do not contact Megan with any more questions. She is no longer involved with the planning of the wedding. Please come early on. So this is an asterisk. These are notes. Please come early on the 28th. Because we have been unable to secure enough chairs, we won't really need them. We'll be dancing all night. If you're in the wedding.

[Emily]

It's so quirky to fit into a box. It's crazy.

[Shane]

If you're in the wedding party, you are not expected to send a gift. Your presence at our special day is gift enough. Heart. Heart. As previously stated, we are unable to accommodate any dietary needs or requests.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

They're quirky.

[Shane]

Please bring your own food if you require that.

[Bailey]

What you want lunch boxes at your wedding.

[Shane]

After careful consideration, we have decided that with the exception of our boys, this wedding will be child free. That does also include the reception. Please plan accordingly.

[Emily]

Please get a babysitter in Oregon and also Washington.

[Shane]

Also Washington. We'll have special goodie bags for all members of the wedding party available for pickup at the venue. Bunch of smiley faces. Spoiler alert, it includes a plant. So if you're traveling internationally, please plan accordingly.

[Bailey]

Please pack a bag for the planet.

[Shane]

Please plan accordingly.

[Bailey]

What is happening? This girl's drunk.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, my God. She's corky.

[Shane]

Bridesmaids, oh. If you are over five' five, please get these flats instead of the initially requested heels because you can't be taller than me.

[Bailey]

What?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Because it can't fit in a church.

[Shane]

Very tiny church. You can't fit it into a box.

[Emily]

Yeah, you can't.

[Bailey]

Cause they're corky. Cause the on ramp from Oregon to Washington's too short with church. And you need flats.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Girlies, plan a career.

[Shane]

Makeup will be $300 per person, per day. This is.

[Emily]

This is so cool.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

You don't need makeup for the party. You don't need special.

[Shane]

You don't have to get it if you don't want to on the 28th, but we kindly insist all bridesmaids get it on the 27th if they want to be in any photos, if they.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Want to be pretty.

[Bailey]

So now can we get all the.

[Emily]

Girls in makeup for the picture?

[Bailey]

And the girls show them makeup.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Hey, ugly girls, stay in the back.

[Bailey]

Hey, ugly girls with the flats, can we get the tall fox over here? And then the fox who don't want to put on cover up over here. And we're gonna take a picture of.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

The yellow Corky girls for reception day.

[Shane]

We'll be getting ready starting at 6:45am at our Airbnb for ceremony day. We'll be getting ready at the venue time TBD. If you are not there on the 28th by 7am, you will not be let in. To ensure things run on a timely schedule, nobody wants a repeat of the batch.

[Bailey]

Uh oh. Uh oh. Katie, you were late. So you're an ugly girl and you're in the back. Hey, Katie, remember when you walked in, I was getting a lap dance from a guy that looked really fucking hot, and you ruined it because you were ugly and tall. Stay outside.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah, you're out, bitch.

[Emily]

If she ends this and says, kay, thanks, I'm gonna walk out.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I'm gonna stay.

[Shane]

I love the little. Just like what happened at the batch.

[Bailey]

Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

There's so much context.

[Shane]

Groomsmen, per tradition, the groom cannot see the bride prior to the ceremony. So unfortunately, there is nowhere for you all to get ready on the 28th.

[Bailey]

That's something, too. Why do those things have nothing to do?

[Shane]

Since you basically just need ties. This is no biggie. Some people were going to get together at Blank Pub beforehand. Feel free to coordinate amongst yourselves. Someone responds, actually, this is the bride. The bride sends another message.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, please tell me it's in all caps.

[Shane]

There's no subject line that I see on this one. I just know it's a bride because the high has four I's in it. Five.

[Emily]

That could be anybody.

[Shane]

A few quick updates and gentle reminders.

[Emily]

Ooh, I'm obsessed with this story.

[Shane]

I know. After careful consideration, we have decided there will be no speeches.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, I love it. I love it.

[Emily]

Especially from people not in makeup.

[Bailey]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Only confirmed Catholic bridesmaids and groomsmen are permitted to stand with us during the ceremony. Not our rules. The Church's sawee.

[Bailey]

Kaitlyn, you uncatholic whore. Stand in the back, ugly girl. You aren't confirmed. Now let me get my fucking dance on.

[Shane]

Yeah, I can't get over that. She wrote sawy S O W W y. Okay, they continue. Some of you have not paid the $25 per plate, per person deposit for food, which sets a poor example to the other guests, as y' all are the wedding party. We are kindly insisting each member of the wedding party chip in $650 for expenses. I am sorry I have to ask at this point, but it is customary for the wedding party to just offer to offer $650. What with the emoji of this wait.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

To offer $650 for what?

[Shane]

Expenses? To be Catholic, I don't know. And remember earlier, no gifts. Your presence is the present. Plus $650, but also $650.

[Emily]

Sawy, Sawee, saw wee. Can you imagine a doctor going, yeah, it's terminal.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Should have been Catholic if you don't drink. We gently suggest you seriously consider whether or not you really want to come to the reception. This is meant to be a once in a lifetime celebration. And it only takes one wet blanket to snuff out everyone's fire. This is a personal choice for you to make.

[Bailey]

We're so quirky. I can't handle it. This is fucking so quirky and out of the box.

[Emily]

I can't breathe.

[Bailey]

So you have to be a certain.

[Emily]

Amount of Catholic to do the ceremony.

[Bailey]

And then you have to be a.

[Emily]

Certain amount of drunk.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Drunk to do the reception.

[Bailey]

And you have to be short as fuck to do any of it. You have to be flat.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And if you're a guy, hey, we'll.

[Shane]

Meet at the pub. Who cares? Guys can do whatever they want.

[Rocket Money Advertiser 2]

Yeah.

[Emily]

Who cares?

[Shane]

Get ready at the pub.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Emily]

This is fucking crazy. Where she's like, if you don't drink, please, please don't be a weapon to.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Get that snuffs out.

[Emily]

I need you guys to at least be funny and dance.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, my God. I can't.

[Bailey]

This is honestly.

[Emily]

It's honestly sounding like a acting gig.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Emily]

Where they're like, be here at this time. Worry about your transportation.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

It does.

[Emily]

You need makeup, you need a bathroom.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Some guy will pick you up. And don't worry about it.

[Bailey]

Don't have a bad attitude.

[Shane]

Yeah. We will offer translation services for those who need them. Please direct your guests who require such services to sit in the back on the left. At both functions, there will be 30 minutes of open bar before the other guests arrive. As a thank you to our number one ever wedding party.

[Emily]

And then it turns into a cash bar.

[Shane]

Holy.

[Emily]

So they're paying $600 for their open bar.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

This person is so manipulative. Because they're saying, we love you. Your presence is enough. We want $650. We're gonna open the cash bar for you because we love you. But also, you're not Catholic enough.

[Emily]

There is.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I can't breathe.

[Shane]

Then they write, love you all with two emojis. The like, the like. And then the hands.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

What's the hands?

[Emily]

So, like, thank God you're here.

[Shane]

Clapping.

[Emily]

Oh, thank God.

[Shane]

Well, the bride comments again.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Okay, good.

[Shane]

Hey, ladies and himbos.

[Bailey]

Oh. Oh.

[Emily]

What the fuck does that mean?

[Bailey]

That's corky.

[Emily]

It can't fit in a box.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

They can't.

[Emily]

Next time I'm disruptive in a video, I'm gonna go.

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

I'm so sorry.

[Emily]

I'm so quirky. Can't fit in a box. Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Don't put me in a box.

[Shane]

This next sentence is crazy. Would anyone be interested in helping us get a wedding cake? You'll be shouted out specifically during the ceremony. If so, you'll get a shout out on the radio. It has to be dairy free. Thanks. Love you all so much. This has. I hope she's pranking all of them.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

No, no.

[Shane]

Like, this has gotta be.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

This is outrageous.

[Emily]

I wanna be just clear because I keep saying, I love this girl. I love this because it's so insane.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

It's so insane.

[Emily]

This person is very problematic.

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

Wait.

[Emily]

And very arrogant.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Can I ask when these emails are getting sent out to how close it is to the wedding? Do we know?

[Shane]

I don't think we know how much in advance, but it's. Oh, no, it's a week before yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

This is all a week before change.

[Shane]

Last date changed last minute. All we just know is it's last.

[Bailey]

Minute a week, but nobody.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Nobody can do it.

[Emily]

I'm so bold.

[Shane]

Okay, so this was posted on June 5th, and the ceremony date is June 27th. So literally, like, three weeks.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I can't. So I don't.

[Emily]

I mean, at this point, I don't blame her. She's trying to do a whole wedding in a month, so that's why she needs a committee. And that's her people, and she's asking them to pay.

[Bailey]

This is crazy.

[Shane]

Last message in all caps, in bold with periods after every word important. Read this. If you are no longer participating in our wedding, pulling out just days before the ceremony. We totally understand, but please be advised, we won't forget who stood with us. Or not. Dot, dot, dot. Heart.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

No, thank you. No hi. Just heart.

[Shane]

Just heart. And it's the, like, you know, and.

[Emily]

It'S just like, we will not forget this.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

We will not forget who stood by us.

[Emily]

My favorite. Yeah. Is someone going, totally, no worries, but I won't forget.

[Shane]

Yeah, I will remember this forever.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah, but totally no worries. Heart.

[Emily]

Totally no worries. I'll hold it against you for the rest of your life.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Emily]

If I'm trying to cast her in a movie, I don't even know who I would like. I was thinking like, a young Reese Witherspoon, but that doesn't even do it.

[Shane]

Ooh.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Like, election vibes.

[Emily]

Like someone who looks like, a little not well behind the eyes.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Emily]

Jennifer Coolidge.

[Shane]

Jennifer Coolidge. Just. I'd be too sweet.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

She's too sweet.

[Shane]

This has to be an absolute demon.

[Emily]

Like, I literally can't even cast it.

[Shane]

I think if you want to go funny route, like, imagine a young Molly Shannon doing this. Could be good. Could be good.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I don't know why I'm thinking someone from Succession. I'm thinking the one that's married to.

[Shane]

Oh, this is very succession coded.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

The one that's the brother that wants to be the president. And it's the girl who's just like, connor, what are you doing? And she's in. Nobody wants this.

[Emily]

And she's so cool.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

She's like this.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Emily]

I literally. I don't know this girl and the bubble she must live in. I think about this all the time with, like, sometimes, like, the politicians who are in our country, where sometimes I think when people are surrounded by so many yes men, they, like, reach a level. Like, celebrities have this too, where they reach a level of stupidity and not Groundedness. Because people are just never gonna call them out on their bullshit. And they're just around all these people that are just taking it and taking it, so then they think they could do whatever, and then they get to a level of power where they're like, hey, I'm gonna ask this of you, and I know it's. It's probably not fine, but I've never been pulled or called out for my actions. And you're like, who.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

What do you. I mean, is the hus. What is the husband literally doing?

[Emily]

Is anybody gonna be like, don't you think that's not fair? Anybody?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah, the husband's like, hey, I'm a himbo, right?

[Emily]

Like, yeah, I'll just. I'll wait in the back. Like, you're right. If she's too tall, she shouldn't stand next to you.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

What is. What's happening? Tell us, Shane.

[Shane]

So we have some comments. Each email got worse and worse. Holy shit, I'm exhausted just reading all that. 10,000 upvotes. OP responded saying, I almost posted this early on in the emails, but I decided that would be petty and inappropriate. I know weddings are stressful, et cetera. Then it kept going. Someone replied to that, saying, how old are these people? It sounds like young drama, but you never know. OP responded, 33 and 47.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I was gonna say. It actually sounds older to me.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And that's not old. It sounds like clueless.

[Shane]

And someone said, this makes it even worse. Oh, my God. Someone said, God bless planner Megan. I can only imagine what that poor woman went through. Someone said, $300 per person for makeup. Is everyone getting a full new makeup kit as a goodie a day? Jesus fucking Christ.

[Emily]

I mean, weddings do be like that. Like the upcharge when it's just labeled wedding. My friend's planning her wedding right now, and she's like, when you just put. You can get someone's hair and makeup done so easy. But then when you say it's for a wedding, it's like, pinch bum.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Emily]

So I get it, but it's still insane.

[Shane]

So much of it is truly the tone. Like, so much of it comes down.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

To the tone, Tommy.

[Shane]

It just like, just expecting it out of everyone and then adding the whole, like. And I'll remember this forever if you don't fucking love it.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah, we'll remember the ones that stood with us.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Emily]

Like, this is a girl who I think has never been told no or something because, like, why is she assuming all of these things are fine?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And then to drop the, like, no kids. What?

[Shane]

Yeah, dropping the. No kids. Dropping the, like. Oh, if you're sober. Fuck off. All these things.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

All of these things. Three weeks before. I mean, I. I wouldn't go. There's no way in the world I would go.

[Emily]

If I would absolutely go and I.

[Bailey]

Wouldn'T pay, I'd be like, I'm gonna Venmo you.

[Emily]

Yes, I got a vem. Yes.

[Bailey]

Yes.

[Emily]

I have to bend.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Shane]

See, I think this wedding would be a travesty. Not in, like, a fun way. I think it would be boring. I think it's gonna end up with nobody being there.

[Emily]

All the pictures. I would fucking derp. I'd be like, yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I'd wear a big cross and six inch heels.

[Shane]

You're dressed as the nun.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I thought full makeup on. I'm like, hey, girly.

[Shane]

Sorry. Last comment says $300 per person for makeup. Is everyone getting a full new makeup kit? As a goodie. Jesus fucking Christ. And as a sober person, that comment on wet blankets would be enough to cut contact completely.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Literally.

[Shane]

It is so entirely inappropriate for so many different reasons, but just plain disrespectful. Op responded, couldn't agree more. My partner is in recovery, and I asked if we just shouldn't go on the basis of that offensive comment, but she said she won't let them determine if she gets to see the shitstorm or not.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, so she wants to do what you're doing?

[Emily]

I'm like, send bravo. This is good shit.

[Shane]

Yeah, this is good shit. Absolutely.

[Emily]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

I sometimes, like when I see certain reality shows, I'm like, these people can't be real, like bridezillas and stuff like that. But it's like, no, this exists.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Is there a picture from the wedding or.

[Shane]

There's nothing.

[Emily]

And I feel bad. She's got a bunch of friends that are probably so scared of her and that are just gonna do this.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

They're just saying yes. And those are the ones who are standing by her.

[Emily]

Yes.

[Shane]

I was gonna say, once you get to this point where you've manipulated and, like, fucked up everyone around you, nobody's ever gonna level with you. Yeah. No one's gonna be honest with this person. They're just gonna cut contact. She's gonna end up alone.

[Emily]

That's so true.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And where are you getting the dairy free cake if you're flying in, you know? And how are you gonna get your plant? Who's gonna take all the plants? Are they just gonna die at the venue or the church takes them also?

[Emily]

The, like, extreme hold of religiosity feels like the reason why they're doing the state lines thing, which is like, oh, because this officiate means a lot to us, so we're doing it here. But then we also want this. And it feels like, really, like, we need to be super religious, but then also, you need to get super fucking drunk with us.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah. Yeah, you're so right. There's just, like, two worlds going on.

[Shane]

It's also weird what they have planned and what they don't, where they're like, yeah, we've got these plants that we have as gifts that we're gonna give people. We don't have a cake.

[Bailey]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Don't have that shit figured out.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And are you putting the plants in a bag? Cause the soil's gonna spill everywhere, literally.

[Emily]

And she's like, please plan accordingly to take your plants home. Help us plan accordingly for the cake.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

She also keeps using dialogue that makes her feel like she's a professional. She's like, please plan accordingly. Like, responsibility. Totally. Okay. Like, it's just like, you are not a professional.

[Bailey]

She goes, don't worry. There will be a translator.

[Emily]

Yeah, but I need help getting a cake.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, the translate.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

They don't want the woman with, like, the translator microphone.

[Emily]

There's, like, literally too many things to think about.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I can't. I'm like, I'm overwhelmed.

[Emily]

It's like.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I mean, Shane has just yawned. He's almost asleep.

[Shane]

I'm gonna die.

[Emily]

She's exhausting. This woman's exhausted.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Any.

[Shane]

There's no more. Oh, update. She's dead. Yeah, that's it. Hey, girlies.

[Emily]

Here's our honeymoon fund. Because you mean so much to us, you should think about giving money.

[Shane]

Yeah, please. I'm thinking now about the next very professional email I have to send. Kay, thanks. Writing it all out and very professional, very respectful. At the very end, I write, kay, thanks.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Kay thinks as one word, smiley face. Kay, thanks.

[Shane]

And now it's time for our final story. This post was on the 10th dentist and ended up on Am I the devil?

[Bailey]

Oh.

[Shane]

Oh. The tenth dentist is someone who sincerely or professionally disagrees with the broad majority of people. So it's in reference to. You know how nine out of ten dentists recommend this? Oh.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, I get it.

[Shane]

Who's the 10th dentist? So this is a subreddit, all for kind of unpopular opinions going against the grain. I need everyone in this room to promise me that they're not gonna judge me for what I have to read right now.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I will not make that promise.

[Emily]

I think this job's getting to him.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Just kidding. It's fine.

[Shane]

It's about to. As a straight man, vaginas are badly optimized interfaces, and I would prefer them evolutionarily eradicated. Let me read that again. As a straight man, vaginas are badly optimized interfaces and I would prefer them evolutionarily eradicated. I'm a straight man. I love women. I'm not closeted, I'm not trolling. I'm just done pretending that vaginas are these sacred, sexy temples of divine femininity. They're not. They're a mess, both in design and function. If evolution had any sense of symmetry, women would have ended up with penises, and the world would be better for it. Aesthetically speaking, vaginas are chaos incarnate. They make hardly any sense. There's no standard layout, no symmetry, no visual logic. Folds on folds, lips of random lengths, hidden bits and inconsistent shapes.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Repeat all of that. Just.

[Bailey]

I almost want you to start over. I really think you have to go slow, so you have to go really slow.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

You have to go really slow.

[Bailey]

Because for this to get past my emotional part of my brain to the.

[Emily]

Logical part is gonna take a while.

[Shane]

Sure. Yeah, sure. Okay. I'll take it back a little bit.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

There for a bit.

[Emily]

And this isn't your fault.

[Shane]

Aesthetically speaking, vaginas are chaos incarnate. They make hardly any sense. There's no standard layout, no symmetry, no visual logic. Folds on folds, lips of random lengths, hidden bits and inconsistent shapes. Compare that to the penis. Sleek, functional, symmetrical. Whether flaccid or hard, it has a cohesive structure. Vaginas look like they're trying to be secretive. The clitoris is great. So why is it buried?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

You didn't have to do this. You didn't need to do that.

[Shane]

The main engine of female pleasure, which is the clitoris, is basically buried treasure. With map prerequisites and terms, conditions, wall of text, you have to read and agree. You need to spread, fold, shift skin, and sometimes ask for directions. If women had small penises instead, like literally just the clit externalized, it'd make so much more sense. Easy to find, easy to stimulate, easy to please. No more pretending like we all instinctively know the move. Looking at you, Helen.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

The fuck is Helen? Who the fuck is Helen?

[Shane]

Who is Helen? And what happened on the back? It would make mutual pleasure.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

There's poop on my shirt.

[Bailey]

You have to keep going.

[Shane]

It would make mutual pleasures so much more straightforward and honest.

[Bailey]

This is so gay. This is the Gayest thing I've ever read. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but that was. Go.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Keep going.

[Shane]

If a woman, it would make mutual pleasure so much more straightforward and honest. If a woman wants sex with me, cool. But I should not be needing a PhD in female anatomy to deliver whatever she expects me to deliver then. Speaking of health, vaginas are a high maintenance liability. I don't know why cats keep pretending like the vagina is low effort. It's an internal organ exposed to the outside world. Constant discharge, blood once a month. PH balance issues, yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, UTIs from having sex too rough or wiping the wrong direction. It's like maintaining a biohazard you can't even fully see. I just wash penis with soap.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I'm gonna stand up.

[Shane]

I just penis so dumb.

[Emily]

I'm just gonna be standing up a little bit and I'm not doing it performatively. I swear to God.

[Shane]

If women had external genitalia like men, half of the medical aisle would be obsolete. Vaggies are the reason sex is less satisfying than it should be. As a straight man, I want to love vaginal sex, but it's unpredictable. Sometimes it's too tight, sometimes there's no sensation, sometimes the angle is wrong and it just hurts her. Meanwhile, if both partners had penises, you get clear stimulation, shared mechanics and direct communication. Sex would be more mutual instead of this asymmetrical guessing game where one person is always hoping they did enough. Society would function differently and better at that because a lot of toxic gender dynamics come from the invisibility of female desire. If women had visible arousal, like a literal bulge when turned on, people might actually take their sexuality seriously. No more she's playing hard to get games. No more stigma around women initiating. If she's hard, she's horny. Simple, equal, transparent. That alone could kill half of patriarchy's sexual double standards. Why shame? Women's clothes are designed around hiding a secret. Pads, tampons, party liners, pads, Fiesta liners, Fiesta liners, pads, tampons. Panty liners are what it's called. They are all shame. Silence. I just walk.

[Bailey]

Oh my God.

[Shane]

I just walk without having to pretend I'm shy of my anatomy. Imagine if women had external genitalia. Then there'd be no cultural obsession with tightness or virginity. No more locker room myths, just genital equality out in the open. No more euphemisms. No more taboo, just body parts. In fact, even porn would benefit. You ever notice how weird vaginas look, in porn, unless the angle is just right, it's often just some weird, fleshy portal and the camera's trying to find a way to make it look like anything other than what it is. So small feminine phallus would solve that. My final thought is I am not saying we scrap vaginas tomorrow.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, good.

[Emily]

Just like next month.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm saying if you remove emotion, social programming, and 200,000 years of conditioning, the vagina is a badly optimized interface, high maintenance, hard to navigate, and visually chaotic. The penis, despite its own disadvantages, is a superior design. And if women had it streamlined, sensitive, and functional, the world would be simpler, sex would be clearer, and culture would be more honest.

[Bailey]

Culture would be more honest.

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[Shane]

And Doug.

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[Shane]

Is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

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[Liberty Mutual Voice]

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[Shane]

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[Shane]

This isn't about being gay, insecure or onto some shit. It's about seeing past the worship and calling out a fly design when I see one. The top comment says what? Yes. Yes.

[Bailey]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Shane]

To be clear, posting on Reddit, fully optional. You don't have to do that. You do not. You don't have to post on it. This guy wrote all of this.

[Emily]

Thank God.

[Shane]

By choice.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

So I just need a big clip.

[Emily]

You need a big.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

That's it.

[Bailey]

And my interface will be a penis.

[Shane]

And culture will be more honest. He's saying you need a penis.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

So I just need a penis.

[Shane]

He's saying everyone who has a vagina needs a penis instead.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

So my interface will be more honest. Honest.

[Shane]

Symmetrical and streamlined and clear.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And we don't. I don't want to hold a secret anymore.

[Emily]

You're full of shame and secrets.

[Shane]

You're full of shame and secrets. You need something that. Yeah, hey, I'm.

[Bailey]

Hey.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I'm like, hey, that blanket has been.

[Shane]

A lot of places.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I don't listen.

[Shane]

I like how this guy's talking about male genitalia. Like as symmetrical as if a ball sack is a perfect sphere. I'm laughing at that concept.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

We've all seen this. Are you fucking out of your mind, bitch?

[Emily]

There she goes. Please.

[Bailey]

Balls are like fucking scratchy and old looking.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And it looks. It looks like this sometimes.

[Emily]

Like, I don't even know what to begin. We almost have to go bit by.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Bit because there's bits by bits.

[Emily]

Like I.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

There's.

[Emily]

There's too much. Like I literally don't even know.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Let's go bits by bits. What's your favorite part of this?

[Rocket Money Advertiser 2]

Hey, buddy.

[Shane]

What do you think?

[Bailey]

Hey, tell me what you think.

[Shane]

What do you think, man?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Where's your secret?

[Bailey]

Step up.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Step.

[Shane]

You know, as a man, it's time for me to step up. Yeah.

[Emily]

This is the craziest shit I've ever heard.

[Bailey]

This is. I'm actually. This.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I'm having fun.

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Emily]

I mean, thank God.

[Bailey]

If Courtney was here.

[Emily]

I remember last time when I put my.

[Shane]

There'd be a Looney Tunes style, like silhouette of her in the wall.

[Bailey]

The last time I put this on.

[Emily]

My head to hide Courtney was. Was literally just hitting the wall. We would have.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

This is. Should I break the wall?

[Shane]

You can.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

With my big penis.

[Shane]

With your big penis.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Big penis.

[Shane]

First.

[Emily]

I wish you could break the wall, but you're not productive because you have a vagina.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

No, I know I didn't just have a son and then feed him. Literally.

[Emily]

Thank you. So what should we talk about first? The fact that he thinks vaginas are really hard to capture in porn.

[Bailey]

Yeah, like, balls aren't.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

That one really got me. Cause I started being like, huh, Me too.

[Emily]

I went, are they hard to capture?

[Shane]

Can we go back to no more pretending like we all instinctively know the move. Looking at you, Helen.

[Emily]

Yes.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yes, please. I'd love to know who Helen is.

[Shane]

I think Helen might be at the heart of this whole.

[Emily]

I think Helen did a real.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Did a number on him with him.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Emily]

Because he must be so disheartened by the mystery of trying to make Helen come.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

He probably never found her hidden secret.

[Emily]

And she probably gave him shit for it.

[Shane]

I think he's really. He's clearly not doing so well.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

No.

[Shane]

And he's blaming the interface.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah. He searched through all the folds and the lips and the bits and couldn't find it.

[Emily]

I just love when men like this can think about everything being wrong except them. Like, he has to attack every single part of the anatomy of this whole part of a woman. And not just take up. Just be like, maybe I don't like this. Yep, it's not me. It has to be them. All of them. Every single person with a vagina, they have to be the problem.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And I can't help but just giggle at this.

[Bailey]

Cause it's so.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I'm laughing at this person. I'm just like, oh, buddy, especially you.

[Emily]

Talking about having a child. I'm thinking, like, this guy doesn't even understand.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

He actually has no idea what our anatomy is about, what it does, what any of the function is. That's why he's so upset. Cause he doesn't understand it. And he's probably never even made someone.

[Emily]

Happy or he's never really imagined, like, how. Gender aside, how magical the human body is. Right. Like, the fact that, like, we can cut. We can, like, have a cut and it naturally heals itself. There are so many parts of us that are just, like, magical. Yeah. And he goes, well, there's one that I think should be fixed. Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And in porn, it doesn't look good, so let's get rid of it.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Emily]

I don't think it's the vagina that doesn't look good. I don't think you like it, bud.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I think yes.

[Bailey]

I don't think it's the end of the world if this person admits you don't like vagina. Stop attacking an entire gender's anatomy that's.

[Emily]

Already hard enough to deal with for him to attack tampons and cramps and all those things.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And party liners.

[Bailey]

And party liners. Fiesta liners.

[Emily]

And be like, oh, these are proof that they're bad. No. These are uphill battles that you don't have to face.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yes.

[Emily]

And you are gonna stand there and be like, you're the problem.

[Bailey]

That's fucking crazy. So Stand up. You're gonna look at me and be like, isn't it?

[Emily]

Don't you hate that you have all these problems?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And it's like, I am working with what I've got.

[Emily]

I'm like, rich coming from you.

[Bailey]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Bailey]

Wow.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I can't help but laugh. Cause, like, I wanna be mad, but my brain is broken.

[Shane]

Me too.

[Emily]

I'm worried I'm overreacting, but then I have.

[Shane]

You're definitely not.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

The blanket is doing its own thing, though.

[Shane]

Yeah. No, the. The Reddit Reddit was like, no, you're. You're the worst person.

[Emily]

But I feel like I'm already being performative about this and screaming, but I'm.

[Shane]

Like, you're actually that mad?

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

No, this. This is.

[Shane]

And you're not even pointing out that he blames. Most of the toxic gender dynamics in culture writ large are due to the invisibility of female desire. So that's what's actually wrong with everything.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

So because the clit is up there, he's been told no so many times. And he literally can't find our little secret because this guy won't fucking just.

[Emily]

Google how to finger. He's gonna blame it on the vagina. I love him. Listing the issues women have. Like, he fucking knows. Like, he talks to a woman. Yeah. Like, he didn't just Google things that can go wrong with the vagina.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Also, all these things like yeast and all that stuff. It's like, yeah, man, guess who's dealing with all of that? Us.

[Bailey]

Like, what are you? An interface? But also maybe those things.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I don't know, maybe it's a little.

[Emily]

Bit of a complicated anatomy because it can create children.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yeah.

[Bailey]

And it can go right back in. Yeah.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

You know what's cool is that we.

[Bailey]

Have something that's so magical that you might not fucking understand it. I'm sorry if it's a little bit of a complicated machine for you. It just kind of gives life to the earth. Yeah. I'm so sorry if maybe it bleeds once a month.

[Emily]

You fucking dick.

[Bailey]

It's called magic. There's no fucking instructions. Show me the magic balls make.

[Shane]

Shane.

[Bailey]

Yeah. Shane.

[Shane]

I will not.

[Bailey]

What?

[Emily]

God.

[Bailey]

Just because balls don't need a napkin.

[Emily]

Once a month doesn't mean they're this.

[Bailey]

Fucking superior fucking piece of you. Just because we don't have to go.

[Emily]

Digging to make the dick feel good. It's just there. Makes it easier.

[Bailey]

Oh, so easy is better.

[Emily]

That's what this work meant.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

No, this guy literally. Hey, listen. Okay. Vaginas are a beautiful Beautiful, beautiful thing. If you got a problem with it, leave.

[Emily]

You know what I feel like? This is what I feel like this joke.

[Shane]

You're out of the wedding.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Get out of the wedding. But make sure you pay before you are not Catholic.

[Shane]

650 bucks before you fuck out of here.

[Emily]

Pay before you leave. This is like, kind of reminding me, like, you know when you have a cousin that, like, fucking and annoys the shit out of you, and you and your cousins can talk shit about him, but then somebody else and not in your family comes in, talks shit about your cousin, you're like, get the fuck out.

[Bailey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Emily]

Where I'm like, I can talk with people who have vaginas. I can go to the ends of the earth and be like, my God, my body wants me dead. Yeah, exactly. But then this fucking little piece of. Poop on a shirt.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yes.

[Emily]

With people 69ing on the shirt.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yes, yes.

[Emily]

This high sex drive golfer is gonna come in here and talk shit about my vagina.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And I'm like, it is the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen, and I've never had an issue with it.

[Shane]

Idiot.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Do you have anything?

[Shane]

No. I think you guys summed up all my thoughts pretty well.

[Emily]

I'm sorry you had to read that.

[Shane]

No, it's okay. Hey, that's a real guy.

[Emily]

I just, like, want to blow off steam a little bit.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I would love to read one more comment.

[Shane]

Let's read some more.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Cause the only comment we read was.

[Shane]

What someone else commented. I have never encountered a sleek penis. 3,000 upvotes. Yes, he had a lot of descriptors for penises as well.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Yes, he did.

[Shane]

He loves really. He really thought they were describing really awesome penises. There's no mystery. It's just there.

[Emily]

You don't have to go looking for it. You fucking idiot. That's his voice, and I love that this is me.

[Shane]

I don't know how to find a click because it's a treasure.

[Emily]

He keeps calling it a hidden treasure.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And I'm like, it is.

[Shane]

I don't like any of his descriptors. He speaks like a supervillain. Oh, his account's been banned. So he said something. Maybe it was banned by this. Or probably something worse.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

He does speak like a villain. You're so wrong.

[Shane]

Speaks like a super villain.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Well, that's why I've been doing it. The interface is wrong.

[Shane]

I hate when people speak in a intellectually condescending way and then they're not. But what they're saying is really, really stupid and not Thought through. Because he's saying, oh, it'd be better if they have a penis. I'm like, like. But you're saying they should have a penis that can birth a baby. So it would. This doesn't work. What are you talking about? You're not, like, backing up what you're saying.

[Emily]

He's not even getting as far as, like, family planning. He's only talking about sex.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Sex.

[Emily]

And he's only talking about the struggles he's having making a woman happy.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Helen.

[Shane]

Helen.

[Emily]

And maybe Helen. Or maybe somebody just needs to know. Like, sometimes you don't have to do it all.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And Helen, I'm so glad that you got away. I think.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Emily]

Looking at you, Helen.

[Shane]

Looking at you, Helen.

[Emily]

Okay, I'm sorry I yelled.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

No, no, Valerie, do not apologize for anything ever again.

[Emily]

That was like. I don't think we should clip that at all.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Oh, I would love to clip me thinking I could go through the wall with a big penis. I actually would.

[Shane]

That would be really funny, though.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

You should.

[Emily]

I just don't want you reading that on the Internet. I'm just protective of you. That was just the worst thing I've ever heard anyway.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

I know. Well, he did read it on the Internet.

[Shane]

I unfortunately did read that. Yeah, we did have another story, but that one, that guy just went on too long. So we'll save our last story for a different time.

[Emily]

Or we went on too long about the tap dancing orphans.

[Shane]

Oh, no. That was good. Worthwhile.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

That was good stuff.

[Shane]

Thank you both for this whole episode. Thank you for.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Good to be back.

[Shane]

Trucking through that man.

[Emily]

Glad to have you.

[Shane]

What a journey. And thank you for watching. 2025 has been such an incredible year. I know we say it every year, but really, this has been, like, a huge year for this show. In particular, Reddit Stories won a Signal Award. It was very cool. I won two Signal Awards. It was a Apple's monthly comedy podcast for November, and we took it on the road. We went to Canada, we went to Chicago. We did many live shows. It's been such a great time. I mean, truly a shout out to Emily and Bailey. Yay for sourcing all of these stories. It's truly wild. Thank you to you guys and to this entire cast.

[Emily]

I mean, and to you, Shane.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

And to you, Shane, for reading all the stories. You're killing it.

[Emily]

But also, you have good takes. You have good hot takes.

[Shane]

I think I mostly just read and I just kind of go like, yeah, you have a perfect. I am perfect. And everything I say is perfect.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

Way of delivering. You have a perfect.

[Shane]

But this is truly such a such a blast. What a fun show we get to do. And we'll keep on doing it in 2026, so we'll see you then. Bye. But the cake needs to be dairy.

[Bailey]

Free and the clit needs to be hidden.

[Shane]

Honey, this is it. Shot clock winding down, trailing by two.

[Liberty Mutual Voice]

When you can't miss the last shot and neither can he. Don't take slow for an answer.

[Shane]

If Osprelo shoots, switch. Good to see it, Charles.

[Liberty Mutual Voice]

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[Shane]

What went through your head on the last shot? It all happened so fast.

[Liberty Mutual Voice]

Optimum. Don't take slow for an answer. Turn to ply seeoptimum.com for details.

[Shane]

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. You know, one of the perks about having four kids that you know about is actually getting a direct line to the big man up north. And this year he wants you to know the best gift that you can give someone is the gift of Mint Mobile's unlimited wireless for $15 a month. Now you don't even need to wrap it. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Emily]

Of $45 for three month plan equivalent.

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

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[Emily]

Offer for first three months only.

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

Speed slow after 35 gigabytes. If network's busy, taxes and fees extra.

[Amanda Lehan Canto]

See mintmobile.com Honey, this is it.

[Shane]

Shot clock winding down, trailing by two.

[Liberty Mutual Voice]

When you can't miss the last shot and neither can he. Don't take slow for an answer.

[Shane]

If Esprello shoots. Good to see it, Charlie.

[Liberty Mutual Voice]

Switch to Optimum Fiber, the fastest and most reliable fiber Internet starting at just $40 a month. Call 8884 optimum or visit optimum.com today.

[Shane]

What went through your head on the last shot? It all happened so fast.

[Liberty Mutual Voice]

Optimum. Don't take slow for an answer. Turn to ply. See optimum.com for details.