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Smosh Reads Reddit Stories is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart Choice Progressive loves to help people make smart choices. That's why they offer a tool called Auto Quote Explorer that allows you to compare your Progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies so you save time on the research and can enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you. Give it a try after this episode@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy back to the show Skincare experts and
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Shane
Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is. I mean, it's our 150th episode, so I guess that's a little bit of the theme is hell yeah. But also it's March. And in honor of the Ides of March. Sorry, both Amanda and Angela are mocking me right now, and it's really hard to do this intro while they are quietly mocking me.
Amanda
She's just smiling.
Shane
So this is gonna be largely revenge themed today because of the Ides of March. Angela, can you tell us more about the Ides of March?
Amanda
George Clooney.
Angela
George Clooney's in the movie.
Shane
It's a. Oh yes, it's a Julius Caesar. It's Julius Caesar.
Angela
Yes.
Shane
It's Shakespeare.
Angela
Yes. I only know like, kind of the text.
Amanda
I also like Shakespeare.
Shane
I know, but Angela really knows Shakespeare.
Amanda
Thank you, Shane.
Shane
Angela went to Oxford. I also like Shakespeare.
Amanda
Hey, hey. We're gonna get to you.
Shane
You're gonna get your chance.
Amanda
No, no, no. Angela, have your time and you should have it.
Angela
I yield my time to Amanda.
Shane
Okay, great. So, Julius Caesar, we're out of time. Anyways, I'm joined by Amanda and Angel getting their revenge on everyone.
Angela
We had a realization today that we think we spent too much fundamental time as kids with our uncles.
Amanda
Yes. Yes. Because there's. There's. Does that sound ladies crazy? No, Wait, hold on. Not what you guys are thinking.
Angela
No.
Amanda
Nobody says anything. Like, a lot of little girls will
Angela
hang out with their moms or their older sister.
Amanda
Yeah. And they'll be like, I think we
Angela
hung out with older men.
Amanda
Yeah. No, you're not actually. You're actually not explaining this well. You're actually not.
Shane
You're saying because of all the characters you guys play, are you saying that you act more like old men than.
Amanda
She's not explaining it well. But here's the deal. We're not your typical girls girl. Okay.
Angela
That's what we were saying.
Amanda
We've been hanging out with older guy, funny. Ha ha ha.
Angela
We were like our girly girls. And we were like, not guys who
Amanda
scratch their balls with sweatpants.
Shane
That is your personality.
Amanda
And thank you. Yeah.
Shane
It really is your personal.
Amanda
And we watch like, horseback riding.
Shane
You both have the personalities that you hang out and smoke cigars.
Amanda
And we tell our nieces and nephews to go pour us a beer and bring it back. And we're like, ah, it's good.
Shane
Truly. Whenever you both play men in any of our sketches or shows, it's wild to see you become the most toxic human being.
Amanda
And that's because we're healing from toxicity, Shane.
Angela
That's cause I'm speaking to the culture.
Amanda
Yes. We're healing. Healing inside. So we become toxic men. It's for us to heal.
Shane
It's just crazy. Whenever we slap a mustache on one of you, the energy just skyrockets.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
You're like, ah.
Angela
I literally can't play like a grounded, nice, kind guy.
Amanda
I have not been able to play a nice guy in a long time.
Shane
It's like Jim Carrey's the Mask. You put that shit on.
Amanda
What is wrong with us?
Angela
I think talking about nice men leads us right into it.
Shane
Yeah. So today's theme is revenge revenge themed stories.
Angela
I saw a kick ass production of Julius Caesar in the Round Sick in Oregon when I was 16. Blew my mind. Female Julius.
Shane
Our first story comes from Petty Revenge. This was posted only a week ago. As of recording this, I've been mailing my toenail clippings to my childhood bully once a month for 11 years. No return address, no. No note.
Amanda
A little throw up is coming up.
Shane
Oh, my God.
Amanda
That actually is really fucking gross.
Shane
Yeah, that's a lot.
Amanda
Oh, actually, yeah. When I think.
Shane
You know what, that's awesome.
Angela
I didn't know you could send stuff with no return address.
Shane
Oh, yeah. Kind of a good thing to learn. Wait, don't get any ideas.
Amanda
Doesn't the post office go? No.
Angela
You know, yeah.
Shane
Something that I've wanted to do for a long time is. This just kind of makes me think about it is. You know how they sell those really fancy, like, letter writing sets with, like, the wax seal and the, like. I've thought about, like, buying some really nice stationery, like a really old school parchment paper writing, like. And it's so one of my friends would get this gorgeous letter in cursive on the front, like, entitled to them. And they'd open up this. They'd break the wax seal, they'd open up this beautiful scroll and in it just. In cursive, it just says, bitch, fuck you. And that's it. They're just like, fuck you. And that's it. All that effort for that.
Amanda
I love it.
Shane
Love it.
Angela
Shane Topp wrote me a letter.
Shane
Oh, yeah.
Amanda
A wax seal of a butt.
Shane
Oh, a draw butt. I sent you a nude.
Amanda
A draw butt.
Angela
This sounds disgusting.
Shane
Yes. All right, let's get into this story.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
So this is weird, and I've never told anyone, but here we go. When I was in middle school, there was this kid, Marcus, who made my life miserable. Like, not just regular bullying. He was creative about it. One time he convinced half our grade that I shit myself at a sleepover that I wasn't even at. Another time, he found out I had a crush on this girl Emily, and he asked her out specifically to tell me about it in detail. Just cruel stuff, constantly. For like three years.
Amanda
Wow.
Shane
Anyway, fast forward to 2014. I'm in college. Haven't thought about Marcus in a while. I'm scrolling Facebook and I see his mom posted something about a garage sale and her address was right there in the post. I screenshot it. Don't know why, just did. So that night, I'm clipping my toenails watching tv, and I look at the little pile and I look at my phone with the screenshot and I just thought I put them in an envelope. No note, no return address, mailed it the next day, felt stupid immediately after. Figured that was it. Got it out of my system, whatever. But then a month later, I'm clipping my toenails again, and I just did it again. That was 11 years ago. I have not missed. I have not missed a single month. I've mailed them from different cities when I'm traveling for work. I don't even think about it that much anymore. It's just part of my routine now. First of the month, rent and toenails. The thing is, I have no idea if he even opens them or if he throws them away immediately or if his wife opens the mail and has been hiding it from him for years. I genuinely have no idea. And honestly, I don't really care. Like, I'm not doing this for a reaction. I think I just like knowing that somewhere out there these envelopes exist. I looked him up recently, and he's got a wife and kids now. Nice house, Seems happy. Good for him, I guess. I found his new address when they moved a few years ago. Took like, 10 minutes. Sometimes I wonder if I should stop. I have a decent job and a wife, too. Normal life stuff. And also, once a month, I mail my toenails to a man who was mean to me when we were 12. Anyway. Yeah, that's. It. Felt like typing it out finally. Um. Okay. This is definitely, like, regardless of how we feel about this, this is a really good story about why you should just never bully people.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Cause you just don't.
Amanda
I think that he should replace the toenails with just a picture of him. No more toenails. And just start sending pictures of him so that.
Shane
Well, then he reveals his identity. Then the guy could come after him.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Then he could start getting envelopes with toenails or what I would do. Here's. You want to level this revenge up a little bit more?
Amanda
Okay.
Shane
Send one with a check for $1,000.
Amanda
What?
Shane
Not a check. Sorry. Send like, 500 bucks in one.
Angela
Get him eating out of your hand.
Shane
Sometimes he's like. He's like.
Angela
He's excited.
Shane
I got to open some of these. But then the next one, you send more toenails.
Amanda
Get in his motherfucking head.
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Like, shit.
Shane
Yeah, sometimes they're good. And he's like, what is this? Is this revenge? Is this good? Is this person happy?
Amanda
Sometimes it's a coupon psychological thriller.
Angela
And sometimes it's a bag of sh.
Shane
Yeah, sometimes it's a poop.
Amanda
The envelope is just wet and squishy. And he's like, I wonder if this is cash, sometimes it's like, give money in this. Open it, babe. Open it. He's like, but it's soft and stinky. Open it. There could be cash in there.
Angela
Sometimes you put a kid in it. Sometimes you put a Burke Williams spa gift card.
Amanda
What?
Shane
A Chili's gift card. Being in one of them.
Angela
But there's poop.
Shane
There's still toenails.
Amanda
There's poop of the toenail.
Shane
We'll move away from that. Now I'm laughing at. There's toenails, but there's also cash.
Angela
Okay, here's my question.
Shane
So it becomes like, fear factor. It's like, for $100.
Amanda
No, no, no.
Angela
It's like, deal or no deal. My question is, is this harassment?
Shane
Yes, I think it does. I think he could get in trouble.
Amanda
My answer is, yes, it is.
Angela
That's harassment, correct?
Shane
I think it is, but it was
Angela
on the school grounds as well.
Amanda
Here's my deal.
Shane
He was harassed.
Angela
Yes.
Shane
That was 12 years ago when they were kids.
Amanda
He was harassed for three years by this bully. That's awful. Now you're harassing him for 11 plus years.
Angela
That's triple the years. Yeah.
Amanda
And now you're thinking about.
Shane
He's not even saying that.
Amanda
He's.
Shane
He's not even saying it's for revenge. It's just a thing he does.
Amanda
Three, six, nine, plus two. Right. That's what I'm saying.
Angela
It's like triple the years plus two.
Amanda
Well done.
Angela
Yeah. It feels like he should have stopped at three.
Amanda
I think it's time to move forward.
Shane
Doing it once is enough to be like, they're always gonna wonder what the hell that.
Angela
I think what's getting weird now is that technically, this guy is collecting his toenails. Like, at the end of the day, he's piling them up.
Amanda
Yeah. It actually does make me kind of want to throw up just a little bit.
Shane
Oh, yeah, it's definitely gross.
Amanda
You know what?
Shane
Does his wife know that he's doing this? Cause, like, that's a secret, then that you're holding, where it's like, your wife finds out. It's like, oh, yeah, I've been mailing my toenails to this dress for 11 years. It's like, would you stay with that person after you found out?
Angela
Okay, Courtney tells that to you tonight. What do you say?
Shane
I'd be like, and you're done. No, not when we're done.
Angela
You're done.
Shane
No, I'd say, and we're done doing that. I would say, like, and we're done mailing the.
Amanda
Yeah, because picture the wife of the bully. She doesn't know his past like that. She just is, like, cutting roses in her garden, probably coming and getting the
Angela
mail and going like, hmm.
Amanda
And it's toenails again.
Angela
If I was dating someone that was doing that, I'd be like, this has to stop.
Shane
Oh, no.
Amanda
I'd be like, but you'd also be
Shane
like, if you're doing that, what else are you doing?
Angela
But I feel like this. What's happened here is we've passed the time where he knows what he's doing. He does. Like, I don't know.
Shane
He doesn't know why he's doing it.
Angela
I think it's almost like him coming to. Because he does. Like, when you do something for even more than two years, it becomes second nature. Just like.
Amanda
Yep.
Angela
Even bad behaviors.
Amanda
Yeah.
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Yeah.
Shane
This is like the Count of Monte Cristo. He kept sending those letters.
Amanda
Great movie, you know, the George Clooney.
Shane
But we don't know if he's told his wife or not. If his wife is just like, yeah, he does this. I doubt she knows.
Amanda
I bet she does, though.
Shane
My advice to people is like, hey, if someone bullied you as a kid and you're still not over it, and you find them on Facebook, send him a message and be like, hey, man, you messed me up when I was a kid. That really sucked.
Amanda
That's why he said, send a picture of himself.
Shane
Cause you're not gonna get closure. He's not getting closure. He's still doing it after 11 years.
Angela
Yeah. I also feel like I'm not encouraging this man to bully, but I am. Like, get online like everybody else. The mail has other stuff to do.
Amanda
Yeah, exactly.
Angela
Get your revenge doing something else. The post office should not be touching your stupid.
Shane
It's inside the envelope.
Angela
Still disgusting.
Amanda
Yeah, but things wasting envelopes.
Angela
I'm working at a post office getting paid minimum wage, and I'm take. And I pick up a motherfucking envelope of toenails.
Amanda
Yeah, I love him.
Shane
I move some tree out there is getting cut down. It's like, I hope I'm going to be the great American novel. It's like, no, you're going to be an envelope for toenail.
Amanda
Yeah.
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Smosh reads Reddit Stories is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart Choice. Progressive loves to help people make smart choices. That's why they offer a tool called Auto Quote Explorer that allows you to compare your progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies so you save time on the research and can enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you. Give it a try after this episode@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy back to the show.
Shane
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Amanda
Oh okay.
Shane
That has 20,000 upvotes.
Amanda
So just to double the order.
Shane
Just to double. Just to like.
Amanda
Just to save em month.
Shane
Bank em up.
Amanda
Everyone wants this to be a psychological thriller.
Shane
Yeah. I still think the cash is hilarious.
Angela
I think.
Shane
Yeah, sometimes the envelopes are good. Someone said. Just for curiosity, does anyone know if toenails can be used to obtain DNA? I believe they can.
Amanda
Oh my God.
Shane
Someone says. I know everyone is saying never stop. I think the opposite. Stop for a few months. Let him think his nightmare is over, then restart it Just to torment him.
Amanda
Okay.
Shane
Someone said, wouldn't it be funny if he read this Reddit post? Someone said, all I'm gonna say is, if that guy ever goes missing, you're gonna be the first suspect. Someone replied to set and said. And bullied more than one kid, so he still has no clue who it is. He did probably bully multiple people.
Amanda
Yeah. But he's got his toenails. What if this guy.
Shane
What if this guy's the first?
Amanda
Has an underground lab and he's doing, like, February toenails? Boom, boom.
Shane
Here, Boom. Let's. You want me to move this up one level? He finally goes, you know what? I'm sorry I sent all those envelopes. I'm gonna go visit this guy. Say I'm sorry. He goes and visits him, and the guy's like, hey, man, for sure. Like, why don't you come to my man cave? We'll hang out for a bit. He goes down to his man cave. In his man cave. He has a statue of him, of toenails made of his toenails.
Amanda
Yep.
Shane
And he's like, oh, flipped it back on you. I'm the freak.
Angela
I think I would just go, ew.
Shane
And then they kiss.
Amanda
And that's why he was bullying him.
Angela
Cause he's obsessed with cousin Zeb.
Amanda
Obsessed Zeb.
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Obs.
Shane
And we have a sim here.
Angela
Zab, zibzab.
Shane
Zib, Zab. We're in a silly zone.
Angela
No, the revenge. It's like, I like some funny revenge. But of course, we talk about it all the time. When it outweighs what you're doing. What are you doing to yourself?
Shane
My thought is always like. Cause I get where I'm like, you want them to feel what you felt. You want them to feel like. Isn't the ultimate goal for them to, like, kind of wake up and be like, whoa, I can't believe I was doing this awful thing. Yes, but you're not gonna get it. And it's just also like, man, you're committing so much of your life. Kind of that quote of like, oh, they're living rent free in your head.
Angela
They're living rent free in your toes.
Shane
Your life, in a way, revolves around this person who is awful, and you should just get them out of your life.
Angela
Or like, you are 11 years into stopping once a month to stop and think about this person and give some of yourself and your time and your efforts to this.
Amanda
He's probably thinking about it more every time he looks at his toes. He's probably thinking about his bully. He's probably like la la la.
Angela
I keep going back to the postman who probably delivers that every week.
Amanda
I was thinking about the postman too.
Angela
Or girl.
Amanda
That's so true. Post girl, post girl.
Shane
But boy, I don't think that falls under petty revenge. I think that's under something different.
Amanda
That's some serious revenge.
Shane
That's some long term revenge.
Angela
That's like take a shower revenge.
Amanda
Yeah, I don't like that. That feels a little bit like torture. Just like a little bit.
Shane
Yeah. All right, our next revenge story. This comes from petty revenge. Seems to be a problem with the wash. Seems is spelled S E A M S. Oh.
Amanda
Clothes Clothing seam. Clothing seam.
Shane
Years ago, I worked with a woman who had a picture perfect family. Mom, dad, three beautiful boys. Very involved in family activities. Well, until dad hit a midlife crisis and pulled the plug on the marriage. And as things played out, she ended up losing the house to him. And the boys stayed in the house so they could continue in their school. It was heartbreaking to watch of course because it was a midlife crisis. He moved in with someone who was a lot younger but had zero idea of how to do anything around the house. Ex hubby wasn't used to doing anything. And my co worker was upset that her boys weren't being cared for. One day she was at the house and decided to show the boys how to change their linen and run the washer and dryer so they could do their own clothes. She saw a mound of dirty clothes in the laundry room and decided to get some petty revenge.
Amanda
She.
Shane
She used the scissors in the laundry room to cut exactly one stitch in the side seam or under the arm of a few of girlfriend's shirts and sweaters. She snipped a single stitch at the elastic of underwear. Single stitch in bra bands. Then when the boys arrived with their laundry, she showed them how to separate clothes and include everyone's dirty clothes in the loads. Weeks later, the boys mentioned how the girlfriend was upset because her clothes seemed to be getting damaged in the wash. She did that a few more times over the course of the six months girlfriend lived there. Petty as hell.
Amanda
Wait a second. So the only people who suffered were her sons?
Shane
No, the only person who suffered was the girlfriend.
Amanda
But she blamed the sons cause they were the ones doing the laundry.
Shane
This definitely falls under. Hey, the husband was the piece of shit. But you're getting mad at the girlfriend. You're torturing the girlfriend for what? The guy. Like the guy is the shitty one.
Amanda
You put the revenge on him and therefore involving Him.
Shane
She's not even messing up the dad's clothes. She's messing up the girlfriend's clothes.
Amanda
Yeah.
Angela
What?
Amanda
And. And a stitch and a.
Angela
You're hitting the wrong target, Mae.
Amanda
Yeah, the target. Mate.
Angela
Mate.
Amanda
To the left. To the left. And her underwear. What is falling off? Well.
Shane
Well, No.
Amanda
Bizarre.
Shane
That's a bummer. So our verdict. Is it good revenge? Is it bad revenge? It's not even revenge.
Angela
It's not.
Shane
It's not revenge. You completely did not get revenge on the person who did this to you.
Amanda
Yep.
Shane
You're just doing horrible things to someone who has nothing to do with just
Amanda
cut holes in the butt area of your husband's pants.
Shane
Comments? Why did she do it to the woman and not her husband, who vowed to stay by her side in sickness and in health? I mean, apart from deep rooted misogyny, of course. Probably taught the boys to hate the women and tolerate their father, too. Opie said, I think she was hoping things would blow over and he'd get back together with her. He had a great lawyer and she had one that wanted her to play nice for the sake of the kids. In the end, everyone lost.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
Someone said, that's messed up. The girlfriend and not the man who blew up her life. Not cool. Someone said, my great aunt did this in her nursing home whilst recovering from a broken hip. It's because another resident had been stealing from her. She took her own pair of scissors. How she was able to take her own scissors there, I don't know. And cut up the woman's clothes. Well, then that's funny.
Amanda
The woman's like, dear Georgia, what happened to my shirt?
Shane
If she's stealing clothes from her, she can mess her clothes up. Like that's fine.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Her own clothes. If she's being stolen from vengeance in a retirement home. That sounds funny. Yeah, probably brutal. Brutal is what he got to lose. Oh, yeah?
Amanda
Yeah. Take a picture of their kids.
Shane
What?
Amanda
Hey, we're pitching. No, you're right.
Shane
In the retirement home, they're just cutting off their toenails and throwing them at each other.
Amanda
Hey, John, open up.
Angela
My grandma shares a room with somebody in her retirement home, and the girl next to my grandma's always got her TV louder than my grandma's. And I always go, huh, let me turn yours up, Grandma. And I'm like, this is a shared space.
Amanda
Oh, God. Can your grandmother even hear her tv?
Angela
No one could hear anything. That woman can't hear her tv. My grandma can't hear hers. But it just pisses me off that hers is louder.
Amanda
Yeah, I get it. Subtitles.
Shane
And my grandma's is on a one second delay, so. The answer's to jeopardy.
Amanda
You'll be spoiled.
Shane
It's fucking annoying.
Angela
Or sometimes you walk in.
Shane
There you go.
Angela
What the fuck are you both watching?
Amanda
Yeah.
Angela
How'd you land on this channel? They're both watching infomercials all day.
Shane
Wait. Every time I see an old person, I'm like, where do they get their shoes? Where do old people.
Amanda
Shoes for cruise.
Shane
No, truly. I look at all people that I'm like. I'm like, I've never seen those shoes.
Amanda
Shane. Shoes for cruise. Yes. They have fucking like. And they have jagged things on the bottom so they don't slip. But I'm like, where do you find them? My grandma has so many of those.
Angela
The ones with like all the Velcro.
Amanda
They're big. Boat black, weird. Yeah. Like soft, cushiony. But the bottom's like sandpaper shoes.
Shane
Where Frankenstein would walk by and be
Amanda
like, where did you get those?
Angela
They look like snowboarding shoes.
Shane
I just moved. When my grandpa was alive, I was always like, where did you buy these shoes?
Amanda
Like marshmallows. Where do you guys go? They're like marshmallow shoes. They're like.
Shane
I'm not like making fun of them.
Amanda
I genuinely don't know what. Cause where do they come from? Where do these shoes come from for cruise? Shoes for cruise.
Angela
Guys, please tag us in your grandparents shoes.
Amanda
Please take a picture tagging yours. No, but they're all such a specific type.
Angela
You're so nice.
Amanda
They're just one. That's. It's.
Angela
If I saw a grandfather in Converse, I'd go, whoa.
Shane
I know you don't see it.
Amanda
No.
Shane
You never see them in shoes that you recognize.
Amanda
They're always.
Shane
They have no logos.
Amanda
They're. It's like, it's like. It's like someone caught like a thick piece of like rubber. They're like, put your foot in that. And the bottom has like. Sandy, one time you're crying. This got me, ma'. Am. Cause my grandfather, I was like, the fuck do you. So true. And they're walking around. There's no shame. They're on the moon and you're like. They're bouncing because they're on bouncy material.
Angela
Okay, sorry. Anyway, I don't think this revenge was smart.
Shane
No, this is not revenge.
Amanda
Oh my God.
Shane
We've got revenge that I think was taken too far. And we've got revenge that was on the wrong target.
Amanda
Correct. Yeah.
Shane
Okay, whatever.
Amanda
Do they get those Shoes.
Shane
It's time for our next story. Another petty revenge. I pretended to not know what Brooklyn is. That's good. That's good, that's good. I used to work at a medical office, and it was a chain. The culture was very corporate. I didn't really fit in there. But I tried to keep my head down and do my very best at my job. One girl there seems to really not like me, which is fine. I'm not a $100 bill for everyone to like me. Interesting. I've never heard that phrase before.
Angela
Okay, I'm not a $100 bill for everyone to like me.
Amanda
Yeah,
Shane
but she'd do petty things like unplug my monitor and keyboard before I'd get to my desk in the morning. Jesus. We also shared documentation responsibilities, and she would neglect her end, which I wouldn't know about until I'd get an earful from my boss. So I decided to get back at her in the pettiest way I possibly could. Her entire personality was being from Brooklyn. Like, oh, believe me, I'm from Brooklyn. I know pizza. Or I'm from Brooklyn. We don't stand for shit like that. Yada yada. One day, I was castigated for something she did, and I got really mad. So for the rest of the day, I pretended to not know what Brooklyn is. I'd ask, like, oh, is that some town in Ohio? Oh, it's in New York. Is it, like, upstate, one of the five boroughs? Everyone knows there's only four boroughs in New York. That's Manhattan, Queens, Bronx, and Staten Island. To know Staten island but not know Brooklyn is really funny.
Amanda
Very funny.
Shane
When she showed me Brooklyn on the Internet, I just said, that's not real. Brooklyn is an Internet hoax. She got so incredibly frustrated, she started crashing out. The best part is, what's she gonna tell hr? I'm bullying her by pretending not to know what Brooklyn is. This was a long time ago, but I figured it was a good place to share. That's good revenge. I think she could go a little bit further. If she's unplugging your monitor, you can
Amanda
kick her a little. Have you ever had someone when you're sitting down, pull the chair out from behind you?
Shane
Okay, I. I'm not friends with the Three Stooges.
Amanda
Well, when you're a tall girl, it happens to you. In sixth grade. Jesus, it fucking sucks.
Shane
And you fell all the way to seventh grade.
Amanda
I literally fell. It took me, like, many minutes to fall. Anyways.
Angela
Wait, that's crazy. It did happen to me. Once in a StarKid show, someone pulled the chair and I hit the ground.
Amanda
It was really funny.
Angela
I'll send you a clip. No, on accident. It's really funny.
Amanda
Yeah, send me a clip.
Angela
There's nothing worse than falling.
Shane
Your legs go up.
Amanda
Yeah. Yeah, worse.
Angela
But anyway, I think I like this revenge because. Because the person wanting the revenge is making them look stupid.
Shane
Yes.
Angela
Like, there's. It gets really scary when you're like, I want harm on another person to feel better.
Shane
Yes.
Amanda
So, like, to be like, I'm gonna
Angela
look like a clown in front of them. Make them freak out.
Shane
Okay. Revenge that I do love, and I'm not a big revenge person. Revenge that I do love is when someone is doing an action and it's like, hurting you.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Is to find a way to make that action hurt them is the best. Now, that's not the case here. But it's like, oh, this person keeps taking my parking spot and finding a way to be like. So I put spikes on my parking spot and they parked on it. And like, that's a bad example, but
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Amanda
It's like, hey, I think you do like revenge.
Shane
No, I was saying in movies and stuff, when it's just like, the action that you're doing is finally going to have consequences for you.
Amanda
Like, finding a way that's like a.
Angela
I don't know, a written version of revenge.
Shane
I don't know, a good example of it, but that's the best.
Amanda
I like it so funny that someone's just like, oh, yeah, in Brooklyn, like, things are hard. Oh, in Brooklyn. We went to it. It's like, wait, hold on. I've never heard of Brooklyn.
Angela
I know.
Amanda
Like, that is so funny to me because it's just going to get someone really, really mad. What?
Angela
It's really funny.
Shane
It doesn't fix her problem, though, like, that.
Amanda
I don't think revenge ever fixes your problem.
Angela
I think asking that of revenge, you're never gonna be really satisfied. Satisfied. But I think you just. Revenge is related in feeling better, which is tricky territory.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
It's catharsis for people, which is a slippery slope.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
That's why I'm very hesitant about revenge is Cause I'm just like, all right, it gets into the weird zone. And like, I don't know.
Amanda
Do you know what would be really good revenge but also. But awful for an older person?
Shane
Okay, we're back to old people.
Amanda
Underground parking lot is moving their car. What is. They park somewhere. And then you go earlier and move their car. Oh, Stop it. Stop it. I would never do that. What are you talking about? I would never do that.
Shane
What old person are you getting revenge on?
Angela
And what a woman.
Amanda
What a weird way to, like, go underground. Listen, listen. My papa lost his car. In those goddamn shoes. He lost his car and we have to move on.
Shane
We can't do this.
Amanda
We got an underground parking lot and he had a. He was gonna burn it down and I thought, sure. And no one even moved it. He just forgot where it was here.
Shane
I can't believe.
Angela
I can't wait for you to see that when you watch this back go. You know, it'd be nice. We have an underground parking lot. We move old people's cars.
Amanda
It'd be really fun tormenting together. I would never do it. I didn't say I wanted to do it. I was never going to do it.
Shane
You know how to be good? Revenge, Tormenting the elderly.
Amanda
Oh, my God. Shane said, spikes.
Shane
I said, if someone keeps stealing your parking spot and put spikes on your
Angela
parking spot, you're like, oh, these old people who are already scared, they have
Amanda
dementia fucking them up and making them feel like they have. Hey, I didn't. I was never gonna do that.
Shane
Comments, comments, comments, comments, comments. Did this fix the issue? Does she still do petty things to you? Op said, no, I quit almost immediately after that place was a dumpster fire.
Amanda
Oh, well, okay.
Shane
Someone said, honestly, the Brooklyn bit is funny, but the real revenge was quitting and leaving that mess behind. Unplugging your equipment and sabotaging work is way past petty and straight into hostile workplace territory. You didn't fix her, but you definitely fixed your situation. And that's the win. Okay, okay.
Angela
Okay.
Amanda
That's the win.
Angela
Get out of there, girl. Boss, you deserve better.
Amanda
You deserve bad. You deserve better.
Angela
You deserve better.
Shane
Someone said, reminds me of the guy who pretended to have never eaten, seen, or heard of a potato to his girlfriend's family and then instead of fessing up, doubled down.
Amanda
I remember that.
Shane
That's a good one.
Amanda
I remember that.
Shane
Okay, well, yeah, I think that's just. That's also just like. That's not good enough revenge.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
It's not equal to what they're doing
Angela
to her, but if it makes that person happy, it makes her feel good.
Shane
Fine.
Amanda
Yeah. Cool.
Angela
I think this one's kind of harmless.
Amanda
I'm glad she did that before she quit, because if she just quit, the Brooklyn girl would have been like, I won.
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah.
Shane
Ok, next story. This next story comes from Am I the asshole and was reposted to two hot takes shout out to Morgan Hampshire
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Shane
Calling all sightseers and selfie takers. Welcome to Texas, where a day at our hiking trails will lead to a lifetime of memories and family road trips become family legends where thrill seekers make a splash into spring fed pools and picky eaters will clean their plates. This is your invitation to visit Texas and see it for yourself. Visit traveltexas.com and plan your family's trip today. Let's Texas Am I the asshole for ruining my brother's proposal and refusing to clear his name until he gives me half the money for my wedding?
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Whoa.
Shane
Okay, I think the revenge is a little leveled up here. Yeah, Throwaway account I, a 35 year old man, admit to being a spiteful person when pushed, but I want to know if I'm truly the asshole when I gave multiple and explicit warnings as to deter my vengeance. I have a younger brother, Todd, who's 29, who had a complicated birth and had to stay a month in the icu. And because of that my parents have always doted on him and almost denied him nothing, even if it was to the detriment of my Sister Abby, who's 32 and I my brother drinks in on the attention and has on more than one occasion made himself the center of attention at either my my sister's or a cousin's special event. Because of this, Abby and I have a strained relationship with Todd and our parents. Unfortunately, Todd met and fell in love with Lucy, who's 24, who announced her own pregnancy at the baby shower my mom held for Abby. When I proposed to my wife Michelle, who's 30, I just wanted to elope, but she really wanted her family to be there. So I invited my family out of obligation while out my best man Jim, who's 35, noticed a receipt from a jewelry store slipped out of Todd's pocket. Jim confronted Todd about this, which led to an argument. Jim told me everything And I told Todd that he was no longer to be a groomsman because I knew he was going to propose at my wedding. Todd cried to our parents and which led to a blowout in my parents eyes. Since Todd never admitted that he to Lucy at my wedding, I was unfairly judging him. I refused and brought up Todd's past behavior. My parents couldn't refute this and got Todd to agree to not try anything at my wedding. This wasn't enough to convince me to let him be a groomsman, but I warned him that if as a guest he'd try anything, I would make him regret it. Fast forward to the wedding and surprise, surprise. Todd walked over to Lucy and proposed to her during Michelle's father Daughter dance and did it in a way so that everyone would notice. Cue my revenge. Gemini had hired a woman to pretend to be Todd's side piece who cornered Todd and Lucy and claimed that she was pregnant with his baby. Whoa. They had it in the chamber.
Amanda
Whoa. They had an actor on set.
Shane
They had an Ocean's Eleven Sting ready.
Amanda
Whoa.
Shane
Todd denied this, but when she called his phone, I gave her his number and messed with Todd's phone to incriminate him. It didn't look good. Lucy threw the ring back at Todd and left in tears. Oh. When Todd saw the smile on my face, he knew that it was me. And I didn't respond to a single call text from him or my parents until after the honeymoon. Lucy has thrown Todd's stuff out and has been denying access to their kid. Todd is furious and is demanding that I clear his name. I sent him a text saying that I had no idea what he was talking about, as well as a screenshot of a bill for the wedding and gave a vague message demanding reimbursement for half of the wedding cost. Michelle knew the whole time what I was planning and gave me the green light after Todd ruined her moment with her dad. So I felt pretty good. But now even Abby thinks I went too far. Am I the asshole? For clarity, Abby is a sister, Michelle is op's wife, and Lucy is Todd, the brother's girlfriend. Edit because I keep me more.
Amanda
No, I got it.
Shane
Edit because I keep seeing this and or people were asking questions. I warned Todd multiple times that if he proposed at my wedding, I would make him regret it. During the Father Daughter dance, there was a spotlight on Michelle and her dad with a camera on them that was recording live on a large screen for everyone to see. Todd pulled Lucy out and knelt down right in the eye line of the camera. And that's how everyone saw in specific situations. I can see an argument of Lucy being innocent, but she's not innocent overall. As stated previously, Lucy announced her own pregnancy at Abby's baby shower. So she likes to steal the attention, too.
Amanda
Yeah, but. Dude, no, you went way too far. Yeah.
Angela
I feel like all I'm gonna say is, yeah, but.
Amanda
Yeah, but are you joking? There's a child involved.
Angela
Do you think the woman who they hired to be the side piece ate at the wedding?
Amanda
Did they get her through an agency? How much did they pay her?
Angela
Like, where'd she sit? Did she dress up? Like, I just can't believe that.
Amanda
Yeah. Who did she say she was for?
Shane
One of our guests, Christopher Nolan was like, I must cast you in my movie. She won.
Amanda
Stop inviting him. Places. You went too far, bro.
Shane
Yeah. It's like, wow, that was more creative than I was assuming. I thought the revenge was like, we're gonna make him pay for the wedding. Or like, that's very extreme and intense.
Amanda
Here's the thing.
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Yeah.
Shane
It lead to a lot of bad shit. That definitely to me. Cause there's a lot of stories we read where it's like, I cut this person out of my life, and I'm like, this sounds grounds for that. This person does not respect or care about OP at all.
Amanda
Yeah. Right. Todd is not doing good things. Like, that's ridiculous.
Shane
Todd's a piece of shit.
Amanda
Yeah.
Angela
But everyone's kind of being nutty right now.
Amanda
Yeah.
Angela
Is kind of my thesis. But here's the thing is growing up in an unfair household will fuck with your brain. You know what I mean? It will. I can try to put myself in this person's position and be like, out of. At the biggest climax of my life. You're gonna still take attention from me and see how that drives a person mad. But this is driving them mad. You know what I mean? It's like, I have been so upset when I am not treated fairly that it makes me want to do crazy things. But that doesn't mean you should, you know?
Amanda
Right. Like, and his whole wedding, all he's thinking about, like, during the father daughter is like, oh, I can't wait for my thing to go. It's like, dude, you're not even focusing on your own wedding.
Angela
Yeah.
Amanda
But also.
Angela
Yeah. Can't wait to make Todd even more pissed.
Amanda
Yeah.
Angela
Yeah.
Amanda
Because you're like a mistress. Yeah, exactly. Mistress.
Shane
Stage an affair is. That's just. It's just a lot like, have a
Angela
glass of champagne
Amanda
or five.
Shane
It's just at that point, it's like, as soon as that proposal happens, I would have been down for a lot of versions of revenge, but it's like, for one, just kick him out. Kick him out of the wedding right then and there. Totally fair. Say, yeah, you owe me money for stealing the moment of this. But stage an affair is so intense. And especially hearing they have a kid, I'm like, so they're gonna be separated.
Angela
It's so messy.
Amanda
Also, he's like, my wife gave me the green light. Because he knows that it's like, he's gone too far to be like, yeah, my wife gave me the green light, so, yeah, it's okay. And it's like, no, it's actually not.
Angela
What would you guys do? I would go up to the DJ and say, what car Todd drives? And be like, somebody made Mazda being towed. Yes.
Amanda
I would have the gj.
Shane
So then he's stuck at the wedding. You want him out?
Amanda
I would say something. I would say something like that.
Angela
I think I would just be like, I can't believe you did this leaf.
Shane
It sucks. I mean, it really is like, the hindsight of it that he can't have is like, when, you know, clearly at this stage, he knew that his sibling was such a piece of shit that he's like, he's going to steal the spotlight. He's going to do everything he can. It's like, yeah, you don't invite him to the wedding at that stage. He already knew, like, I'm not gonna make you a groomsman.
Amanda
It's like the guy with the toenail. It's like, do you feel better? Are you feeling better?
Angela
Yeah. And also, just even stand up for op. It's really shitty to, like, the father daughter dance.
Amanda
Oh, right.
Angela
Everyone's being messy. I don't agree with anybody, but, like,
Shane
yeah, I don't want to discount that. Todd is awful.
Amanda
Awful.
Shane
I don't understand people who want to propose at other people's weddings.
Amanda
I don't care.
Shane
I will never understand it. Cause I'm like, it gets to be your moment. You're at someone else's moment.
Amanda
No, it's weird.
Shane
It is purely. It feels like a purely malicious moment.
Amanda
It's weird.
Shane
But you're taking one of your primary moments of your life and using it as a malicious act against someone else. I'm like, that's weird.
Angela
Did you ever get far enough in Vanderpump to see Sheena and Brock want to get engaged during James Kennedy's wedding?
Shane
I don't think I saw that.
Angela
And they're all like, babe, no, don't do this.
Amanda
And why do they want to do it?
Angela
I mean, for reality stars, sometimes I'm like, they're like, well, cameras are here.
Shane
Yeah.
Angela
Like, they did that at a bachelor wedding. Did that. And it was like the Golden Bachelor. Somebody got engaged. I don't know why people are like, well, if everyone's dressed up, might as well.
Shane
It's a family gathering. It's just like, it's the opportunity. I just think it's so selfish.
Amanda
But he did it on purpose because the brother was like, if you do this at my wedding, blah, blah. He already set it up. Like, please don't do this at my wedding. And yet he did it during.
Angela
Just disrespectful.
Shane
Super disrespectful. So disrespectful.
Amanda
Like, maybe.
Angela
Maybe when your family's gathered for a mutual holiday, right? Like Christmas, it doesn't belong to anybody. New Year's doesn't belong to anybody.
Shane
I think this is definitely an everyone sucks. Cause I'm not sitting here saying, Todd's a good guy. He did a horrible thing. It's just the revenge. I feel like. I don't think the revenge was accurate in that. Like, I think this was too different of revenge if Todd was like. If Todd, like, slept with OP's ex wife or something. Or like, if there was like an infidelity type thing. It's like, okay, you're getting infidelity revenge. But it's like, this wasn't a. This was a weird. That was a sidestep.
Angela
You're lying. Like, maybe if Todd.
Shane
You're lying. You are lying.
Angela
Did have a side piece and you invited the side piece. Maybe, yeah.
Shane
If you found out Todd was cheating on his wife, sure. But. But it could be also dangerous is my take with that stuff.
Angela
I also feel like if there's kids involved, revenge, you can't do that. Kids shouldn't be involved in your revenge. In adult revenge.
Amanda
Agreed.
Shane
So the verdict on Reddit was kind of a perfect blend of asshole, not the asshole. And everyone sucks here. It's very split comments. Are you an asshole? Yes. Is your brother a bigger asshole who totally deserved what he got?
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Shane
Yes. You're also my type of petty. I applaud you, good sir. 5,000 upvotes. Someone else said everyone sucks here. Yes, Todd and Lucy had a comeuppance in coming. In fact, it was long overdue. But where you overstepped was imploding their relationship, which includes a perfectly innocent child. That child deserves a Home. With both parents as horribly self involved as they are. You need to call Lucy right now and come clean. Then let her and Todd figure it out. And for the sake of everyone around you, go. No contact with Todd and Lucy for at least a while. This relationship just got nuked from orbit from all sides. It's time to let it die so that it doesn't explode at some poor cousin's event. I think there's a lot of stories like this when we're reading stories that are like. Cause when I'm reading them, it's a hypothetical that we're reading and we're not living it. I think the Internet can be like, yeah, this fucking rocks. Cause it's just like, it's not reality.
Amanda
Yeah.
Angela
I think they.
Shane
When you're in things, you're like, oh, shit, this hits different.
Amanda
These are people. Yeah.
Angela
The one that was like, I applaud you. It's a funny term to say you're applauding. Cause it's like, it's a good movie, I think, and it's good entertainment, but that's somebody's life. Like, I don't applaud that because it just makes me. Yeah, yeah.
Shane
Working in this field where we're on the Internet so much and we see how people talk about real things that we do from an Internet side, it is. There's two versions of everyone nowadays, and there's the Internet version and the real life version. And the way we talk about things on the Internet is so decent, like, desensitized. We're desensitized across the board, even when it comes to things that we don't think about. And I think this is one where it's like, this hits harder than we're realizing.
Angela
I have to flaw these things.
Shane
And it's also like, the thing that I hold a little bit is like, oh, you're a bad person, so I can do whatever I want to you. It's like, things are still bad. Lying is still bad. Even if you're doing it to a bad person. Like, be strategic and smart with what you're doing. Yeah. I mean, catharsis can lead people down
Angela
a dark road, especially when you grow up. That's why it's like, it's other territory when it's like from birth. Yeah. Like, my brother will get like, find parking faster than me.
Amanda
And I'm like, that's so not fair.
Angela
And it's. Cause I'm like. It's like my younger self is coming out. Right. And I'm like, angela, let it Go.
Amanda
You found parking? That's so unfair. Just smash into a door.
Shane
You always do this. Okay, our next story. This comes from petty revenge. The office White elephant gift exchange should not be mandatory. I hate white elephant office gift exchanges. Every year our team joins competes with two other groups on our floor. Participation isn't mandatory, but there's a distinct message of everyone is expected to be a part of this team building exercise. The combined group is large enough so anyone can add a gift anonymously. For the past few years, I have been secretly sabotaging the exchange in the hopes we'll switch to Secret Santa so I can opt out my petty revenge. Every year I contribute a nice gift, obviously from me along with one or two anonymously given bad gifts. Every year I get a little bolder and go a little farther. Here's what I've contributed for the past few years. 2021, I put a potato inside an iPhone box and shrink wrapped it. 2022.
Amanda
Sick dude.
Shane
Nice. 2022. A Bible from a used bookstore, a toy American flag, and a red MAGA hat I found in a parking lot. The next day, HR sent an office wide email about politics in the workplace.
Amanda
Oh, that's funny. That's actually really funny.
Shane
2023 toy handcuffs, a cheap eye mask and a cat toy I modified to look like a riding crop. The next day, HR sent another office wide email.
Amanda
This is funny.
Shane
2024, a bottle of Robitussin, a bottle of Night Night Train is a cheap super strong wine and a copy of the National Enquirer. Our white elephant exchange is next week. I'm thinking about giving a carton of cigarettes and a set of fake eyelashes.
Amanda
Okay, Edit, what's that one about? And that I just found from my wife's bag.
Angela
Yeah.
Amanda
Hey, Edit.
Shane
Yes? I wasn't expecting this to be so popular. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my hatred for team building exercises and white elephant exchanges. Especially when they're not mandatory. But you can't decline to participate. I found my people. Thank you.
Amanda
I love that shit. I think that's really funny. And I also feel like we used to do it with my aunts and uncles and it would be like a fight. It was like that. I'm number two. So two steals. Two. Two steals. And it's just like, oh great, I got this gift and then it's your aunt who's just like, did you not like? Do you not like?
Shane
I don't.
Amanda
Did not like that.
Shane
That's white elephant gift exchanges. As someone with social anxiety they're awful. Cause you get every gift that you manage to have for a second. You have to pretend it's the best shit.
Angela
Oh, my God.
Shane
You've ever seen.
Angela
But then, I love social. I love just watching interactions say, we're so fun to watch.
Amanda
Oh, my God. A porcelain cow where you put milk in it and you pour it into your coffee. That genuinely happened. And I was like, this is so.
Shane
Oh, my God, this is so.
Amanda
And you're looking at the person who's just like, I don't know who. I don't know who put that in there.
Shane
Your uncle and I found this at Hobby Lobby, and we love them.
Angela
Yeah, I think this is a fun thing. I don't think there's that, because we're going back to.
Shane
This is good. This is good. This is harmful.
Amanda
This is very funny. I just need to understand the lashes and the cigarettes. That's good. The other ones, I'm like, yeah. Huh. Totally. But this one, I'm like, yeah, what?
Shane
I need to know what theme that is.
Amanda
Is it like.
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
Eh?
Shane
Yeah.
Amanda
What is it?
Shane
Comments. Op should put in there a lavishly framed photo of their boss. People will be stuck between not wanting to look rude, like they don't want it, and desperately trying to not get it. That's a good one.
Angela
That's a good one. I would do one that's like a T shirt that says, I hate these white elephant gift exchanges. Oh, that's a good one. I wish these things weren't mandatory.
Amanda
Oh, that's funny.
Shane
I came to this white elephant gift exchange and all I got was this stupid shirt.
Amanda
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's funny.
Angela
Or like, just a piece of paper that's like, does anybody not want to do these anymore?
Amanda
And they're like, what? But it's wrapped in a huge box, and they have to open the box and just find the little piece of paper that says that.
Shane
Someone said, one year I was trying to sabotage and gave a can of Spam, a book of limericks and some old Ferrero Rocher. That was the one everyone fought over. Sometimes it makes no sense. Someone said, I always love the gifts that are obviously from raiding the office supply closets. Staples and Bic pens for the win. Someone said, who is this revenge on exactly? Someone said, the stupid tradition, of course.
Angela
Yeah. You're just, like, pissed you're there.
Shane
You're just pissed at the world.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Yeah. And you got them.
Amanda
But you know what? They're participating pretty well.
Shane
They are.
Amanda
They're making it fun. Yeah.
Shane
They're kind of probably. I think they're actually the reason they're still around.
Amanda
Yeah, exactly.
Shane
Sorry, man.
Amanda
They would have been. Yeah.
Shane
In your lust for revenge, you brought life to the story.
Amanda
Yeah, they're like, these white elephants are getting really fun.
Shane
They're really.
Amanda
I tried them on and had a cigarette for the first time.
Angela
My husband touched me for the first time.
Amanda
Honey, look what I got at the white oven. Cigarettes.
Shane
My two favorite things. Potatoes and cigarettes.
Amanda
You know when someone's lashes, it looks like it's an hour long blink, you
Shane
get fanned away, you're like, whoa.
Amanda
What is going on?
Angela
Where'd you get those shoes, Grandpa?
Amanda
Hey, don't bring that back. Marshmallow shoes.
Shane
All right, it's time for our final story.
Amanda
What? I'm having so much fun. I don't want to go.
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Shane
Our nation has always counted on us to win, to fight for what better could be, to secure our future together. We are Marines. We were made for this.
Amanda
Come here. Yeah. Where is it?
Shane
Our final story comes from? Nuclear Revenge.
Amanda
Oh, okay, this is spooky.
Shane
This is revenge. This is as extreme of revenge as it can possibly get on Reddit. Look, this is probably gonna be too far for most of us, so let's just enjoy the ride.
Amanda
Okay. Buckling up.
Shane
She cheated on me. So I had a threesome with her former ex boyfriend and the guy she cheated on me with.
Angela
Fuck beaches.
Amanda
Get money. Yeah.
Shane
Whoa.
Amanda
What?
Shane
She cheated on me, so I fucked every person possible.
Angela
She cheated on me, so I fucking. I fucked everyone in America.
Shane
Yeah.
Angela
What? I fucked the entire state of Colorado.
Amanda
I fucked all of Colorado. And she cheated on nuclear.
Shane
Everyone meet me at Red Rocks.
Amanda
We're going.
Angela
I caught her texting somebody else. I fucked everyone in our town.
Amanda
That wasn't for me. That was to go against her.
Shane
That's what you did for revenge? Revenge.
Amanda
Yeah. Yeah.
Angela
Clip ends there.
Shane
Okay. All right. To clear up any confusion that might come up, you have to know that I am a bisexual man. This would have been so much funnier if he did.
Amanda
I was gonna say I'm fully straight,
Shane
but I love revenge.
Amanda
But I stuck with these two guys to get after her. I'm a straight straight man who took two dicks at once. Cause fuck her. Cause fuck her.
Shane
F her.
Amanda
I'm as straight as can be. And I had two dicks fuck her at the same time. And I still see those dicks once a week.
Shane
She walks in like, suck it, Britney.
Amanda
I'm so straight. But she fucked with me. I'm on Grindr every day.
Shane
And I've been doing that for 11 years. 11 years.
Amanda
I got you, Brittany. Yeah. Don't you dare do that again. My husband Charles supports me. Bitch. I hate dick, man.
Shane
Yeah, it's like, I think you're gay, man. He's like. He's like, no, I just live a life of vengeance.
Amanda
No, just women lie to me, man. So I fuck with. And that's where the cigarette and the lashes come in. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Holy shit.
Shane
I love this guy.
Amanda
I'm so straight, dude. Fuck her.
Shane
Okay, okay, okay.
Amanda
Woo.
Shane
To clear up any confusion that might come up, you have to know that I'm a bisexual, man. I love sharing this story because I'm still proud of it. A few years ago, my ex girlfriend cheated on me with another guy. She then had the audacity to tell me that if I was a grown up, that I could deal with it and that she hopes we can still be friends. But she lost any feelings for me and is fully in love with this new guy now. If she hadn't said that, I probably wouldn't have made this plan. But now I had to teach her a valuable lesson. I was in a depressed state for a long time and couldn't bring myself to delete her number. And she thought I was her friend now she started to send me pictures of her and her new boyfriend with laughing emojis. She didn't even care about how much she had hurt me. And then one day, while I went through Tinder, I found someone who was quite familiar. Her new boyfriend. Of course, I wouldn't tell her that her new boyfriend is on Tinder. In fact, I matched with him, which was quite surprising because I thought he was straight. And we started a conversation. He didn't know who I was. She never told him she was in a relationship while she was flirting with him. But this was perfect. We had longer conversations and he told me more and more about himself. Over the weeks, we learned more and more about each other. And now I had a plan. I suggested that we could meet each other at a bar. He agreed. Keep in mind he was still in a relationship with my ex girlfriend at that time. When we met, we had a great time, and one date became many dates. It took me a few months, but then I got him to the point where he developed feelings for me and I was his affair. What he didn't know was that I got in contact with my girlfriend's former ex boyfriend as well. He broke up with her because he came out as gay. I was in contact with both guys. The ex boyfriend and I got along very well. In fact, I made him a close friend of mine. In our conversations with my new boyfriend, we talked about sexual desires, and he told me that he always wanted to have a threesome. So I suggested one with the gay ex boyfriend. I knew that he was his type because we kind of look alike and he had feelings for me. So I asked the gay ex boyfriend if he wanted to become the third one. And to my surprise, he said yes. I'm honestly still surprised how all of that worked out without her noticing, but it did. And then the day came where I decided to go nuclear. The two guys came to my apartment. I led them to the bedroom, and they started talking to each other. While they talked, I took a selfie from a safe distance. Close enough that she could see their faces, but far enough that they wouldn't notice. Then the action started. Of course, I won't go into any detail, but damn, I enjoyed it more than anything in the world. A few days after this, I told him that now that I granted him the wish of a threesome, I. I wanted something in return. I told him that I don't want to be in an affair any longer and told him that he should either break up with her or I will break up with him. I knew it was hardcore manipulative, but I had a plan and I had full control over him. He actually broke up with her and threw her out. I even got him to move out of his apartment to move in with me. Meaning that she lost both her home and her boyfriend. But I wasn't done yet because. Sorry, this is crazy. This is insane.
Amanda
Okay. Whoo.
Shane
Okay.
Amanda
He's just, like, sitting there. Go on more.
Shane
I'm like, you didn't stop at the threesome?
Amanda
Like, but I wasn't done yet.
Shane
But I wasn't done yet.
Amanda
Two dicks wasn't enough. I called her dad. Oh, Britney's dad.
Shane
Cut to Ben Savage and Princess Bride.
Amanda
Was that the end of the story.
Shane
We're not done yet. That's the end of the story.
Amanda
Yes.
Angela
This is nuclear.
Shane
Wow.
Amanda
Okay.
Shane
But I wasn't done yet because after that she texted me with crying emojis that her boyfriend dumped her and that she regrets leaving me. I then said, you, boyfriend? Are you talking about this guy? And I sent her the selfie I took. She called and texted me several times, but I ignored her. My plan was almost successful. There were only three things left that I still had to do.
Angela
Three.
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Three.
Amanda
Three.
Shane
The boyfriend.
Amanda
The boyfriend. The exact. And the three days.
Shane
I only had four things left.
Angela
Boyfriend, ex, boyfriend, dad. And find her long lost brother and
Shane
go to Sweden and fuck her brother.
Amanda
Sweden.
Shane
The first was that I told her mother, who hates infidelity more than anything because her father cheated on her mother with another woman. You could say like father, like daughter. Her mother was angry, but thanked me for telling her. From what I've heard, her mother cut ties with her. But I admit that I don't know if that actually happened, and I don't think that it happened, but it would be funny if it was true. The second thing I did was dump him because unfortunately, he was a cheater too. And I hate infidelity as well.
Amanda
Holy. Oh, this is. My God.
Shane
This is crazy.
Amanda
This is.
Shane
This is the craziest shit I've read in a long time.
Angela
Wow. He goes, yeah, we could share these drawers. I'm breaking up with you.
Shane
I'm breaking up with you because you're a cheater.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
The last thing I did was go out with. With the gay ex boyfriend. And after a few dates, we got together and we are still a couple.
Amanda
Does the gay ex boyfriend know about all of this?
Angela
Does anybody know about any of it?
Shane
In the end, my mom does.
Amanda
She's like, well done.
Angela
Thank you for telling me.
Amanda
Yeah, I hate infidelity.
Shane
In the end, I destroyed both her and the guy she cheated on me with. And couldn't be more proud of myself. Edit. Okay, for some reason, I still get too many messages. No. The fuck. I will not tell you details about the threesome, you horny motherfuckers. So stop asking.
Angela
Bunch of stupid.
Amanda
Yeah, why do they want to go in detail about how. But what about the threesome?
Shane
Yeah, how'd that work?
Amanda
Also. Yeah, how did that work?
Shane
Yeah, that worked out.
Amanda
Yeah. Can we get an update on how that works?
Shane
Does it work?
Amanda
How did that work?
Shane
How did that work?
Angela
Take your pancakes out. We're learning how that worked.
Amanda
Also, what's a safe distance picture? That's What I want to know.
Shane
I know. I think he's. That, to me, is the shittiest thing he's ever done.
Amanda
He's under the bed.
Shane
I was like, hey, you took photos of people without their consent.
Amanda
This is so fucked up.
Shane
Yeah.
Angela
There's so much fucked up shit here.
Amanda
There's so much fucked up shit here.
Shane
To be like, oh, this is fucked up. This is very fucked up.
Amanda
God. But you know what?
Shane
I wonder if that ex boyfriend knows about all this.
Amanda
What's more fucked up?
Angela
Where do they get those shoes?
Amanda
Where the hell? Shoes for cruise guys.
Shane
I said this.
Angela
Yeah, this is. Are the comments rejoicing this person?
Amanda
Yeah, rejoicing. I think that's a church term.
Shane
Cue previous conversation. I think they are. Cause I think we're watching. We're reading this and watching this. Like a movie.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
And once again, forgetting. It's like, hey, like. Cause if I knew someone who like, I hate infidelity, obviously, I hate cheating, but if I knew someone who's like, oh, my ex cheated on me. I'd be like, that sucks so much. And then they went into all this detail. I'd be like, that's crazy. I'm probably gonna distance myself from you because I'm worried that if I do anything that pisses you off, it's like, this is Eric Cartman. Literally, if you saw this in a
Angela
trailer with a bunch of hot people, you'd be like, I'm buying tits.
Amanda
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Angela
But real people's lives.
Sponsor/Ad Voice
This is.
Angela
This feels.
Amanda
I mean, the boyfriend. Yes. Okay, the other boyfriend, yes. He cheated on her with this guy. But, like, you had to move in for pure revenge.
Shane
I was like, the threesome felt like enough revenge. The threesome was. You did it.
Angela
The folly and love part.
Amanda
This is a patient man.
Shane
This is quite a bit. Comments. Someone said, maybe Hallmark could make a holiday story out of this. 2,000 upvotes Hallmark.
Amanda
This is HBO. It's dark.
Shane
This is HBO.
Amanda
What are we talking about?
Angela
It's Pluto TV.
Shane
Someone said, do I believe it? Kinda. Is it possible? Yes. Do I want it to be real? Yes. Yes, I do. Dude, did not let her slide, man. Really hit her with the Ebenezer Scrooge past, present, future. Op Said, to be fair, you are not the first one who thought that. I told this story to some of my friends. And one of them also didn't believe it at first until I showed him the selfie. Someone said, man, I feel bad for your man. Lol. I'd be devastated to learn that someone was only with Me to get back at someone, even if it was just initially. I sure hope you told him this truth. If not, you genuinely don't deserve him. Big yikes. Someone said, jesus Christ, save some dick for the rest of us, my guy.
Angela
Oh, three million upvotes.
Amanda
Three million upvotes.
Shane
100 million upvotes.
Amanda
And how does it work? Okay, three million out of.
Angela
Also just chiming in for my friend.
Amanda
Yeah. How? Explain that.
Shane
So if you could show us how that. No. I think someone getting with you out of pure revenge is kind of the same as infidelity for me. That's a lie. That's a big lie. It's a big secret. That's infidelity in a different font, but God damn.
Angela
This is like.
Amanda
This is nuclear.
Shane
Holy.
Angela
This definitely is not.
Amanda
Like, yeah, she's. Oh, my God. I just wanna know what the mom. The mom has a list. And she's like, well, vengeance has been done on my daughter. Like, what it was. I hate infidelity. It's like, Lot of other stuff is happening. Yeah.
Angela
Is the mom gonna be like, and who else did you fuck?
Amanda
Yeah, you did.
Angela
What?
Amanda
Honey, there's someone on the phone for you. Wait a second.
Shane
Op must be very hot because every guy he talked to was like, oh, yeah, I'll fuck you, dude.
Amanda
Yeah.
Shane
Like, the ex boyfriend had to probably know him.
Angela
And then this is a case of, like, hot people shouldn't be trusted. Probably not, because, my God.
Amanda
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shane
Yes, yes.
Amanda
Hot people shouldn't be trusted. Yes.
Shane
And that's the lesson of cheating. I'm kidding.
Sponsor/Ad Voice
No.
Angela
Cheaters shouldn't be trusted.
Amanda
What I want to know is, does the new. Does the boyfriend know this story?
Shane
Know why they got together in the first place? Yeah. Cause he thinks, oh, we got out of just getting together for a threesome. That's not realizing, oh, it was all for pure revenge. And that he only got with me.
Amanda
He must know because he's telling his friends about the selfie.
Shane
Like, I don't know.
Angela
Remember in how to Lose a guy in 10 days when they both find out that they're doing a challenge and they're both so sad? I remember when I was little, I didn't understand that.
Shane
I was like, never seen that movie.
Angela
What, the yellow backless dress.
Amanda
Oh, God.
Shane
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Angela
Kate Hudson.
Shane
Yeah. No, I've never seen it. Never seen it.
Amanda
Green light.
Shane
I'm thinking about 10 things I hate about you.
Amanda
Oh, you've never seen that?
Angela
You've never seen that one?
Shane
I've seen that one.
Amanda
Julie Stiles.
Shane
Yeah, I've seen that one. It's Taming of the Shrew.
Angela
But I remember watching a movie where two people were trying to get together for a goal that wasn't getting together. And then they fall in love. And they were so how is a guy in 10 days spoiler alert? They're so sad because they fall in love. And that's why I'm like, it's so fucked up to not be honest with someone when you are dating them and be like, hey, you're here to play a bigger role in something much more.
Amanda
Cause then you're questioning it. Did you really wanna be with me for me or were you like, yeah, that's the problem.
Shane
That's why I hate secrecy and lies and stuff. Cause I'm like, man, trust is hard to rebuild.
Amanda
Very hard.
Shane
Like, it's very hard to rebuild. But you know, if someone cheats on you, just have a threesome with everyone they've ever met.
Amanda
Oh, yeah. Fuck the town.
Shane
Fuck the town.
Amanda
Okay.
Angela
My version of this that I think is harmless is I get everybody on a group text
Amanda
when we go like,
Angela
guys, guys, can't believe we're all here.
Shane
You're saying with your partner and the person you chat at.
Angela
Everybody.
Amanda
At her.
Angela
At him.
Shane
You did that?
Angela
No, I'm just trying to do a version of this.
Shane
That's a good one.
Amanda
Yeah. And send a bunch of weird emojis. Don't say anything. Yeah, yeah.
Angela
Got em.
Shane
Yeah.
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Nice.
Amanda
Done. Nice.
Shane
Well, damn. This was insane. Thank you both for joining me for all this revenge.
Amanda
I laughed so hard. I was really good.
Shane
This was one of the funniest episodes I've ever been.
Angela
I can't believe. I can't believe for the most part I'm straight. That part is so funny. It's cause she cheated on me.
Shane
Truly. I can't thank you both enough for what you bring to this show.
Angela
You too, buddy. You're so funny.
Amanda
Thank you.
Shane
I feel like I just hang out and read.
Amanda
I love these stories because I just visually picture them in my head. And I just love playing around. I'm like, well, what if? Or picturing them.
Angela
Yeah. And I just like. It's also. There's so many people that are also laughing with us that you guys don't see. There's camobs going, oh, wait, they're doing what they're doing.
Amanda
Oh, Eric does that every time. Oh, the camera did look bad. Yeah, it did look bad. They're like, britney. What? Oh,
Shane
You were talking about getting an Emily gasp sometimes from stories.
Angela
I get an Emily gasp once a shoot block.
Amanda
Wait, what's that?
Angela
An Emily gasp is. It's funny, but it's. It's alarming.
Amanda
Yeah.
Angela
There's some other ones.
Amanda
No. And Emily Gass was like, yeah. Oh, I know. You said that.
Shane
Oh, my God.
Amanda
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Angela
I love it. It's your Southern woman.
Amanda
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Clutching your pearls.
Shane
Oh, my God.
Amanda
We love it. Basically what we're saying is we're grateful to be here.
Angela
Grateful for everybody on this team.
Amanda
Yeah, we love it. Happy 150th.
Shane
Happy 100.
Angela
Happy 150. Guys, it's time to plug Shane back into the wall.
Amanda
Yeah. No, seriously.
Shane
I'll see you on episode 200. Thank you both for being here and thank you all for watching and we'll see you next Saturday. Bye.
Amanda
Bye.
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Amanda
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Podcast: Smosh Reads Reddit Stories
Host: Shane Topp (with Amanda and Angela)
Date: March 14, 2026
Theme: Revenge (Ides of March/150th episode special)
In this 150th episode of “Smosh Reads Reddit Stories,” host Shane Topp is joined by Amanda and Angela to dive deep into the art, absurdity, and ethics of revenge. Honoring the Ides of March, the crew reads a series of Reddit tales ranging from petty paybacks to full-blown nuclear retribution. With relentless humor and surprising moments of honesty, the Smosh cast dissects each story, exploring what motivates revenge, when it goes too far, and why it’s rarely as satisfying as expected.
“We’re not your typical girls’ girl... we’ve been hanging out with older guy, funny. Ha ha ha.” — Amanda (03:34)
“You both have the personalities that you hang out and smoke cigars. You tell your nieces and nephews to go pour us a beer...” — Shane (04:01)
[05:06–13:19]
Summary:
A Redditor has been mailing their childhood bully their toenail clippings—every month, for 11 years—after spotting the bully’s address in a Facebook post. It began as a one-off act and became ritual. The sender feels ambivalent: “Not even about revenge anymore. It’s just part of my routine now. First of the month: rent and toenails.”
Cast Reactions & Key Quotes:
“A little throw up is coming up.” — Amanda (05:23) “Is this harassment?” — Angela (11:12) “Yeah, I think you could get in trouble.” — Shane (11:22)
“It’s not even for revenge... It’s just a thing he does.” — Shane (10:51)
“You’re twelve years into stopping once a month to stop and think about this person and give some of yourself and your time and your efforts to this.” — Angela (18:10)
Memorable Tangent:
“Imagine being the postman picking up an envelope full of toenails!” — Angela (13:23)
[19:01–25:30]
Summary:
After her husband leaves her for a younger woman, a mom subtly sabotages the girlfriend’s clothes by snipping seams—while teaching her sons to do laundry. The girlfriend’s clothes keep falling apart, the boys are blamed, but the ex-husband remains untouched.
Cast Reactions & Key Quotes:
“You’re hitting the wrong target, mate.” — Angela (20:51) “You’ve messed up the girlfriend’s clothes, not the husband’s—he’s the one who hurt you.” — Shane (20:43)
[25:40–32:21]
Summary:
A medical office worker is tormented by a coworker whose whole identity is “being from Brooklyn.” As petty revenge, the narrator feigns total ignorance of Brooklyn’s existence, insisting it’s an internet hoax.
Cast Reactions & Key Quotes:
“There’s nothing worse than falling [off a chair]...but making someone look stupid, that’s the best kind of revenge.” — Angela (27:59) “You didn’t fix her, but you definitely fixed your situation. That’s the win.” — Amanda (31:47)
[33:16–45:10]
Summary:
A man’s brother has a history of stealing family milestones. The narrator fears (correctly) that the brother will propose during his wedding. When the brother does—during the bride’s father-daughter dance—OP retaliates by planting a fake “side piece” at the wedding, who claims to be pregnant with the brother’s child, causing chaos and leading to the couple’s breakup and family estrangement.
Cast Reactions & Key Quotes:
“They had an actor on set!” — Amanda (36:04) “That’s just…so intense. You could’ve just kicked him out!” — Shane (39:56)
“Revenge can lead people down a dark road, especially when it’s family.” — Shane (45:32)
“You didn’t fix her, but you definitely fixed your situation. And that’s the win.”
[45:56–51:16]
Summary:
A worker hates mandatory office white elephant gift exchanges, so each year plants increasingly ridiculous “anonymous” gifts (potato in an iPhone box, MAGA hat, expired candy, office junk), hoping to make the event unpalatable.
Cast Reactions & Key Quotes:
“In your lust for revenge, you brought life to the story…you’re the reason these white elephants are entertaining.” — Shane (50:24)
[52:09–66:27]
Summary:
A bisexual man is dumped after his girlfriend cheats on him, then boasts about her new boyfriend. The narrator seduces the new boyfriend (who is on Tinder) and her prior gay ex-boyfriend, arranges a threesome, takes a picture, and uses it to break up the couple, evict her, and turn both families against her. He then dates the gay ex-boyfriend.
Cast Reactions & Key Quotes:
“She cheated on me, so I fucked everyone in America.” — Angela (52:59) “I’m as straight as can be—and I had two dicks fuck her at the same time. And I still see those dicks once a week.” — Amanda (54:03)
“Someone getting with you out of pure revenge is almost the same as infidelity. It’s a big secret, it’s a lie. That’s infidelity in a different font.” — Shane (63:30)
“I wonder if the gay ex-boyfriend knows about all of this?” — Angela (61:07) “Hot people shouldn’t be trusted… my god.” — Amanda (64:33)
“Do you feel better? Are you feeling better?”
| Segment | Time | |---------|------| | Opening banter, Ides of March, intros | 01:38–04:40 | | Petty Revenge: Toenail Mailing | 05:06–13:19 | | Petty Revenge: Laundry Sabotage | 19:01–25:30 | | Petty Revenge: Brooklyn Hoax | 25:40–32:21 | | Wedding Proposal/Nuclear Payback | 33:16–45:10 | | Sabotaging the Office Gift Exchange | 45:56–51:16 | | Nuclear Revenge: Threesome Plot | 52:09–66:27 | | Reflections & Wrap-Up | 66:27–68:00 |
For Listeners:
If you love elaborate pettiness, snappy comebacks, and a healthy dose of self-awareness about the folly of holding grudges, this is Smosh at their sharpest. Just remember—don’t mail toenails, sabotage strangers’ underwear, or plan multi-year bisexual sting operations. Leave it to the stories.