A Walk On The Wild Side | Reading Reddit Stories

Summary

Smosh Reads Reddit Stories

Episode: "A Walk On The Wild Side | Reading Reddit Stories"

Host: Shane Topp
Guests: Olivia, Amanda
Release Date: April 18, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode dives into a collection of truly "wild" Reddit stories centered around the "Am I the Asshole?" and "Relationship Advice" subreddits. Host Shane Topp, joined by Smosh cast members Olivia and Amanda, brings humor and candid hot takes to tales of friend-group drama, wedding feuds, relationship missteps, and deliciously awkward honesty. The trio delivers animated conversation, sharp insights, and a streak of genuine empathy—while never shying from roasting Reddit’s most outlandish posters.

---

Key Discussion Points & Story Breakdowns

1. Wine-Gate: The $120 Bottle Drama

[First story begins ~04:00]

Story:
A woman asks if she’s the asshole for Venmo requesting her friend after he drank a $120 bottle of wine while housesitting (and cat-sitting). She told him to “help yourself to whatever” in the kitchen, returned to find her vintage Barolo gone, and felt taken advantage of. She sent him a discounted Venmo request, but he called her "tacky" and complained in their group chat.

Key Insights and Reactions:

• The group unanimously sides with the house-sitter: if you say “help yourself to anything,” that’s on you.
• Shane:

  "If it was in the kitchen, honey, I would say that's a compliment…I'm going to drink this beautiful bottle of wine and watch Netflix." (06:03)

• Olivia points out that if something is off-limits (the “fancy wine”), you just have to say so privately.
• Amanda:

  "I don't think it's that big of a deal. Like, they're doing [you] a favor." (07:07)

Notable Quotes:

• Olivia:

  "Don't bring up an unwritten rule when you didn't write any rules!" (06:22)

• Shane:

  "You kind of gotta take the L there." (09:07)

Memorable Tangent: The group jokes about wine preferences, ice cubes in wine, and how old-school, boring labels usually mean expensive wine. (11:46)
Olivia:

"The Snoop Dogg is gonna be the cheapest!" (12:04)

---

2. Bridezilla: Kicking Out a Server for Being “Too Pretty”

[Starts ~15:33]

Story:
A newlywed bride admits to kicking a 19-year-old server out of her wedding for wearing "too much makeup" and "tight" clothes, fearing she’d be upstaged. The bride’s husband and mother-in-law called her out. Reddit and the hosts were savage in their judgment.

Key Insights and Reactions:

• Amanda unleashes:

  "You're a bad person, and I think you should not be with someone for a long time. And I think it would be a bad idea for you to have children." (17:34)

• Shane and Olivia discuss the toxic mindset of “It’s my wedding, I’m allowed to be my worst self.”
• The group agrees this is insecurity and controlling behavior, focusing on minimizing and "shrinking" everyone else to maximize the bride's feeling of importance.
• Reddit comments roast the bride—suggesting the catering will get it right "at your next wedding." (25:50)

Notable Quotes:

• Shane:

  "Just because you're getting married, it does not give you the right to be so unbelievably rude to other human beings." (18:37)

• Amanda:

  "This woman needs a lot of help. I don't think you can have a happy marriage or life if this is how you are to the world and to yourself." (24:49)

• Olivia:

  "There's something really sad, because... the main feature of [her] day is that everyone else needs to be smaller and minimized." (23:47)

---

3. My Husband Speaks a Made-Up Language—Help!

[Begins ~27:20]

Story:
A wife writes in, desperate over her husband's constant use of a made-up, childlike language (e.g., "scuppers" for yes, "bing" for no, renamed stores, noises). He's professional at work but refuses to stop the behavior at home, even after requests and discussions.

Key Insights and Reactions:

• The hosts are sympathetic, see it as a possible stress response, but agree the main issue is his refusal to respect boundaries.
• Shane:

  "He needs to go fucking take a clown workshop." (33:43)

• Amanda and Olivia discuss how becoming a parent might trigger regression in some people and note the husband’s lack of willingness to change.
• The most troubling part is how this behavior could confuse their toddler and that he's “not listening” after direct requests.

Notable Quotes:

• Olivia:

  "He's going, 'Oh, I don't need therapy, I'm fine.' It's like, no, I don't think you are." (35:19)

• Shane:

  "He needs a creative outlet that he’s not getting." (33:43)

Update:
Story updates reveal their marriage ultimately broke up, suggesting even deeper issues (“this post was just the tip of the iceberg... glad to be out... spiraled into complete hellfire.” (40:10))

---

4. Pork Chop Politics: Ranking a Friend's Girlfriends by Cooking

[Begins ~42:12]

Story:
A man offends his friend's new girlfriend by telling her, honestly and unprompted, that the ex was a much better cook—going so far as to rank everyone's cooking. He laments missing the ex’s pork chops, admits to encouraging his friend to take the (cheating) ex back, and now wants advice on making amends.

Key Insights and Reactions:

• All agree: Don’t compare someone’s cooking to an ex—ever.
• Amanda:

  "Do not bring up the ex. That's where I think they're really the asshole." (50:34)

• The group jokes about the “Shaq and Kobe of the kitchen” (47:01) and the lengths friends will go for pork chops.
• They note that honest feedback is only good if everyone’s really open to it—but that's not the same as “ranking” people.

Notable Quotes:

• Shane:

  "Don't bring up the ex." (50:30)

• Olivia:

  "Pork chops are not easy." (49:16)

Reddit Roasts:

"You wanted your friend to stay with a cheating piece of shit so you could occasionally have pork chops. Damn, you're a shitty person in general." (51:06)

---

5. Chocolate Trouble: "My Girl" and Her “Microwave Chocolates”

[Begins ~56:08]

Story:
A man is upset after his girlfriend gifts him homemade chocolates—he finds out she melted store-bought chocolate and used premade fillings, feels "tricked," and calls her out. She leaves, and her sister calls him a dick.

Key Insights and Reactions:

• Unanimous roasting of the poster for being ungrateful and dismissive.
• Amanda (furious):

  "You are a little man. Okay? You are a tiny, tiny little man with a very, very average, below average brain." (59:38)

• Shane:

  "I'm so sorry, I don't think you deserve to be in a relationship, my little dude." (59:07)

• Olivia points out his repeated use of "little"--“little waitress job,” “little arts and crafts”--is condescending and belittling.
• The group is appalled he goes to a chocolate-making subreddit to get backup for his complaints, only to be roasted there too (“Comments on that: man, why do I have to run into you twice in one day?” (64:07))

Notable Quotes:

• Shane:

  "She spent her time off getting all the ingredients and making it... While you’re at home masturbating to some weird, weird stuff." (62:12)

• Amanda:

  "If I had to rank, this person is worse." (67:42)

Update:
The OP posts on r/chocolate as if HE made the chocolates, tries to crowdsource “expert” opinions, then delivers a half-hearted, self-justifying apology only after internet pushback.

---

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On Wine:
  • “If you say ‘help yourself,’ that’s on you.” (06:03, Shane)
• On Weddings:
  • “This isn’t a Bridezilla situation. This is who this person really is.” (23:12, Shane)
• On Rankings:
  • “You can't compare someone's ex... You can play with the other order somewhat after that." (46:48, Olivia reading post)
• On Small Men:
  • "You're a tiny, tiny little man with a very, very average, below average brain." (59:38, Amanda)
  • "Have Olivia as your bodyguard. She'll take your stove and your shoes." (71:01, Shane)
• On Perspective:
  • "The better of a cook you are, the less offended you are by notes.” (54:44, Olivia)

---

Running Jokes and Tangents

• Shaq & Kobe: Used to describe dual “powerhouse” cooking and baking duos.
• Amanda’s Threat Level: Amanda repeatedly threatens to take a bad poster's stove and shoes.
• "Scuppers" & Made-Up Language: Hilarious riffs on nonsense words and the perils of too much home "quirkiness".
• "Little" Remarks: Group eviscerates anyone who uses “little” to belittle their partner/job/gift.
• Reddit Roasts: Joyful reading of the Reddit comment section’s most savage responses.

---

Timestamps for Notable Segments

• 04:00 – $120 Wine story and reactions
• 15:33 – Bridezilla vs. the Server
• 27:20 – Husband’s Annoying Made-up Language
• 42:12 – Pork Chop/Rank My Friend’s Girlfriend’s Cooking
• 56:08 – Chocolate-Making Debacle

---

Closing Thoughts

This episode delivers raucous laughter, sharp social commentary, and a steady stream of empathy (for the wronged, not the rude). Shane, Olivia, and Amanda blend honest advice with savage wit, making it clear: If you invite them to house-sit, don’t leave out special wine—or if you need life lessons on kindness vs. pettiness, listen up.

Final Ranking of “Worst Person” in the Stories:

1. The “Bridezilla” for her cruelty and insecurity
2. The “Little Dude” of chocolate infamy—a close second, with Amanda later flipping her vote and saying he's even worse, signaling how heated the debate got!

Closing words (Shane, 71:04):

"Here's what I learned from all these stories: have Olivia as your bodyguard. You'll be fine, dude."

---

Recommended for:
Anyone who loves dissecting social faux pas, appreciates unfiltered podcast chemistry, and finds joy in seeing bad online behavior get the roast it deserves.

Transcript

[Shane]

Support is available 24. 7 with VRBoCare. We're here day or night, ready whenever you need help. Because a great trip starts with the right support.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Shane]

Hey, everyone, Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Olivia]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

We help people come customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Shane]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Olivia]

Liberty.

[Shane]

Liberty.

[Olivia]

Liberty. Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is some wild stories. These are just some wild. Am I the asshole? Stories. And I am joined by two people who have really long hair. That's just a true thing. And who are also acting wild. Olivia and Amanda. Thank you for joining me here.

[Shane]

We're just two girls with rare.

[Amanda]

I'm just two girls who I really, really wanted.

[Shane]

I don't think that's a girl.

[Olivia]

What are you gonna say?

[Amanda]

Do you wanna take a bite out of this?

[Olivia]

Yeah. We do have big podcast.

[Shane]

We're just two girls. But she's not a demon, right?

[Olivia]

Okay. Not suspicious.

[Shane]

Oh, no. She's acting like.

[Amanda]

Sorry, Aura rings. I see them everywhere now.

[Olivia]

Okay. I've had one. I've had one for a few months. Let's. Let's go. Love this. You're about to do a tight five.

[Shane]

I'm sorry.

[Olivia]

All over the place. Come on. Upstate.

[Amanda]

What's. What's your. What's up with that?

[Olivia]

I I.

[Amanda]

You track your sleep.

[Olivia]

Courtney got it for me for Christmas.

[Shane]

Oh, Courtney got it for Christmas.

[Amanda]

Courtney, is that your wife? Oh, wives. Let's talk about wives, huh?

[Shane]

Continue.

[Olivia]

Podcast mics have changed you.

[Amanda]

I'm fully just doing stand up now.

[Shane]

She's just doing stand up sitting down. Yeah.

[Olivia]

Well, I've been told that some of these stories are truly wild.

[Shane]

I can't wait.

[Olivia]

All over the place.

[Shane]

Yeah, I can't wait.

[Amanda]

I can't wait.

[Olivia]

I'm glad we're in this zone.

[Amanda]

How did we get here?

[Olivia]

All right. Vanessa Lachey.

[Amanda]

Wild.

[Shane]

And I just thought Wild.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Okay, go ahead.

[Olivia]

Wild and crazy.

[Amanda]

You're doing too much.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

You're doing too much.

[Amanda]

Please stop.

[Olivia]

Well, do you want me to just start reading these stories?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

Okay. All right, sure.

[Shane]

No worries.

[Amanda]

I think it would be really cool off. We were Offline about this, but when you end your day and cause your oura ring tracks like your stress. Your stress. I would love to see this hour, honestly.

[Olivia]

So the last time. Yeah. Since I got the oura ring, when I do red stories days, it does often say I'm stressed, but I think that means I'm engaged. I think.

[Shane]

Let's do a Shane guesses on guessing your own guess.

[Olivia]

If I am stressed, I'm guessing that I'm stressed right now. I got it to track my sleep to see if I'm sleeping well.

[Amanda]

And did you sleep well last night?

[Olivia]

I slept okay. It's like it was like at a. Like a 78 out of 100.

[Amanda]

That's good.

[Olivia]

It's good. Yeah. It could be better. Yeah, could be better.

[Shane]

That's scary.

[Amanda]

That's weird.

[Olivia]

What the hell is going on?

[Shane]

You said wild and something unlocked and you just.

[Olivia]

It's like you're a sleeper agent.

[Shane]

You.

[Amanda]

You have good sleep.

[Olivia]

You don't.

[Amanda]

I think you have because you're a

[Olivia]

mommy and I don't know why. Oh, you have a toddler. You must sleep really well.

[Shane]

I have good sleep. I just did a lot of meditating.

[Amanda]

You have quality sleep. You know, I sleep so hard.

[Shane]

Because you're dead at the end of the day. Exactly.

[Amanda]

You have quality sleep. I have long sleep, but probably all at 13%.

[Olivia]

Not. Not efficient sleep, not effective sleep, not effective. Interesting. All right, well, these stories, I don't think they have anything to do with.

[Shane]

I can't wait. Let's get into them.

[Olivia]

Sorry, but this first story does have to do wine, which I know Amanda loves. This comes from Am I the. It's posted in February of this year. Am I the for asking my friend to pay me back for the wine he drank while house sitting?

[Shane]

Oh, I have so much to say.

[Olivia]

I. I already have thoughts.

[Shane]

Me too.

[Amanda]

She's like, is it a full body? A chilled. Yeah, it depends on how orange.

[Olivia]

If it's like a $500 bottle of wine. But if you just have wine hanging out at your place, I would.

[Shane]

I want to know if he opened.

[Olivia]

Yeah, let's bottle. That's what I need to see some details. Okay, So I, a 26 year old woman, had my friend, a 27 year old man watch my place and my cat for the weekend. I told him he could help himself to whatever in the kitchen, which I thought was just like common sense for snacks and stuff. I got back and realized he opened this $120 bottle of vintage Barolo I was saving for my promotion. He literally drank the whole thing alone while watch. When I asked him about it, he got all weird and said I gave him permission because the wine was in the kitchen. Like, okay, but who drinks $100 bottle of wine without asking? First I sent him a Venmo for $80, gave him a discount, LOL. And now he's calling me tacky and told our group chat I'm a bad host. I feel like there's literally an unwritten rule of guest logic where you don't touch the most expensive thing in the house. If I tell you to help yourself to my garage, it doesn't mean you can just drive off in my car. I don't know. Am I the asshole here? He's making me feel like I'm. But I feel like he totally took advantage of me. I don't know. It's also just 120 bucks.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. I'm so. Okay, okay, first of all.

[Olivia]

Okay, here's a. Okay, first of all, you go ahead. First of all, first, okay, is there

[Shane]

a price tag on your wine saying $120. Don't touch this thing.

[Olivia]

I. Yeah, when you. I've gone to wine shops, and when you look around, there's really no signifier of what makes a wine expensive or not. You have to know a lot about wine to clock.

[Shane]

I also cannot say stand when people go, make yourself at home. Help yourself to anything, and they don't mean it.

[Amanda]

Y.

[Shane]

If it was in the kitchen, honey, I would say that that's a compliment. That someone's like, well, they said I could make myself at home. I'm going to drink this beautiful bottle of wine and watch Netflix.

[Olivia]

Absolutely.

[Shane]

Like, I'm sorry that it was $120. That sucks. But don't you dare try to Venmo, like, ask for a Venmo.

[Olivia]

And this whole thing of like, well, it's an unwritten rule. It's like, you. Yeah, if, if. But also what I would have done if I had something really special in my kitchen. I just said, help yourself to whatever except the one thing that's expensive and I'm saving it for something. That's all. That's all you do.

[Shane]

Also, did she pay him for the weekend?

[Olivia]

I know. I'm like, if he's watching for free,

[Shane]

then, dude, if anyone's watching. So when I had a dog, if someone was watching my dog and they were like, I don't want to be paid, I would automatically get them dinner, a bottle of wine. Already have that set up. But if I said, you can have anything. You best believe I'm being like, if there is a fancy wine, I'm going to tell them. But, like, if I say you can have anything, then you can have anything.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

I don't think it's that big of a deal. Like, like, they're doing for me. I don't like to stay in other people's homes. So that's already a choreograph. And, like, it's not like I don't want to. Anyways, What I'm saying is it's. I don't think it's a big deal. And I would be happy for my friend to drink that wine and watch Netflix.

[Olivia]

Absolutely.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

Courtney and I had Tommy watch our cats one time when we were gone for a week, for over a week. And we literally bought wine. We were like. Because we wanted him to be there and hang out with our cat. So when we came back, I was like, oh, he had some of the wine. I was like, good, he's hanging out. No, not a lot. We bought 50 bottles of wine.

[Shane]

Did he drink them all?

[Olivia]

No. We bought some really nice orange win wine for him because we know that he loves orange wine. And also. But it was like, I. I hope if someone's staying and watching our cats, like, I'm like, give them a reason to, like, hang out and stay there, because the more time they're spending with your pet, the better.

[Shane]

So he probably only had one bottle of wine, and it was probably like the nice one. But like, that.

[Olivia]

That makes it look like it's for.

[Amanda]

Okay, can I say something? I agree with this. I'm just thinking about my own home right now. There is a bottle of wine at my house right now. It is wrapped in tissue paper and it pretty thing on it. I got it for Christmas. I. I have an open.

[Olivia]

If it was wrapped in nice and stuff, I maybe wouldn't touch.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

Yeah. I feel like. So you got us a really nice bottle of wine. We haven't opened it yet because we're waiting for a special occasion, which I'm kind of like, it. Let's just do it. But it is. It is wrapped in something.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And we have had someone, you know, watch our son and we were like, literally, help yourself.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But, you know, we didn't come home to them having opened that.

[Olivia]

Right.

[Shane]

So I don't know. Maybe it's also the type of people who know you too.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But I. I personally think you should not ask for money from. That is tacky.

[Olivia]

That was a slip. This, like, it's Just like, kind of like, oh, I slipped up and I didn't tell them not to. I think it was like, oh, my God, you're bad. Yeah, you just got to take the L. Yeah, you kind of got to

[Shane]

take the L there.

[Olivia]

And it's like, all right. At least it wasn't 500 or something. Like 120 bucks. A lot of money sucks. But also. Yeah, I don't know what you were paying him or if you were paying him.

[Shane]

I think she should ask him what the flavor notes were and he really enjoyed it. Yeah. And if she would probably enjoy it as well.

[Olivia]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Shane]

Just come up. I would just be like, hey, I just want a one pager on this bottle of bolo.

[Olivia]

At least tell me what it's like.

[Shane]

That's my.

[Amanda]

Yeah, that's my payment is describing the Barolo.

[Shane]

Describe it.

[Olivia]

What is a Barolo?

[Shane]

Barolo. Isn't that an Italian wine? Am I crazy?

[Olivia]

It sounds Italian.

[Amanda]

I feel like I've had that before. I. I also love to put ice cubes in my wine.

[Olivia]

That's fine.

[Shane]

What the.

[Olivia]

Do whatever the you want. Hey, my grandpa does that.

[Shane]

Well, well, what kind of wine? Red or white? White, that's fine.

[Amanda]

Sometimes red.

[Shane]

That's fine.

[Amanda]

Well, if it's not. You know what I love? Okay. You know what I love? I like putting ice in a full body. Red. Don't come at me.

[Shane]

Listen, do whatever you need to do.

[Olivia]

Can do whatever you want.

[Amanda]

Okay, I will.

[Shane]

No, do whatever you need to do.

[Olivia]

I just recently learned. Cause at Epcot, I had ice wine and I thought that meant like, oh, there's ice in the wine or whatever. It's like. No, it's cause they press the grapes when they're frozen. I didn't know that.

[Shane]

And what was it? Was it less like.

[Olivia]

It's very sweet.

[Amanda]

Yeah, it is.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Amanda]

I don't like sweet wine. I don't even like orange wine.

[Olivia]

I still don't know wine that well.

[Shane]

I really do. I do not like sweet wine at all. But I will fuck with a port. A port wine. Yummy. Portuguese port wine.

[Olivia]

I don't think I've ever comments dessert wine. Someone said, well, first of all, the verdict was asshole. That the. They were the asshole. Yeah, that you. They're asking for money. Just whatever comments. You're the asshole. Expensive and cheap bottles of wine look the same to people who don't know wine.

[Shane]

Yep.

[Olivia]

Be more precise in your instructions for the person you. A favor. He assumed that you only have cheap bottles of wine because you cavalierly Said to help himself. This is tacky. Someone said you told him to help himself to whatever he did. Most people can't distinguish between a $15 and $120 bottle of wine. And most people aren't going to read a receipt you left lying around either. You're the asshole. This one's on you. Lastly, someone said you're the asshole. You should just chalk this up to miscommunication. Yeah, you said help yourself to anything in the kitchen. If you had told him prior, except for that bottle of wine I'm saving for my promotion and you could ask for full compensation. This is on you. Swallow your ego and let this go. My dude. It'll be better for the dude. It'll be better for the friendship.

[Shane]

My dude is a girl.

[Olivia]

It was. But she's.

[Shane]

But she's my dude.

[Olivia]

She. But he's a dude. She's a dude. We're all dude.

[Shane]

This Redditor commenting is only says my dude. My dude. Follow your ego.

[Olivia]

My dude. My dude. My dude. You got my dude.

[Shane]

Got to follow your ego. Fun.

[Olivia]

Do you think you could if like look at a bottle of wine and decipher its price range?

[Shane]

Here's. I was just gonna comment on that. The bottle of wine that looks the most boring and has like an old school label is the most expensive. The one that's like fun pops of color or like a drawn woman like by the beach.

[Olivia]

It's gonna be the Snoop Dogg. It's gonna be the cheapest.

[Shane]

But I will say the most expensive wine looks very boring. Yeah, because it's like Chateau.

[Olivia]

Because it's just the name. The name is.

[Shane]

It's a generational wine that. That has prefer perfected what they do and they keep the label the same.

[Amanda]

There's this one bottle and I. It's so good. And it's chilled. It's a chilled red and I just

[Olivia]

chilled reds are cool.

[Amanda]

I just like that one.

[Shane]

You have to send me a picture of it.

[Amanda]

I will. I think you would love it. And it's a good price.

[Shane]

I'm sure I would.

[Olivia]

I've only had. Look, I've not drank much wine. I only started drinking wine at all last year. But there's one bottle that I think is my favorite wine and it's a Nebbiolo.

[Shane]

Nebbiola.

[Olivia]

It's really good.

[Shane]

Of course it is?

[Olivia]

Because I love and really.

[Amanda]

Wait, what do you mean of course it is?

[Shane]

Because he loves really, really strong, full bodied, like almost like a dry leather type.

[Olivia]

I found out that anytime, any food or anything is described by non food adjectives like leathery, minerally, woodsy.

[Shane]

Yeah, a little cigar smoke. So he Nebula is like a very full bodied Italian wine and it's super good. Phenomenal.

[Olivia]

Moving on from wine

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

and Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Shane]

Hey everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Olivia]

Oh no.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Shane]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty

[Olivia]

Liberty Liberty Liberty if you work in

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP

[Olivia]

because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner offering the products you need all in one place from H Vac and plumbing supplies

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

to lighting and more.

[Olivia]

And all delivered with plenty of time

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

left on the clock so your team always gets the win.

[Olivia]

Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Shane]

Great.

[Olivia]

This episode of Red Stories is sponsored by Quince. This spring it's my mission to clean out my closet, but I'm making sure that I keep all my daily essentials that are made from quality fabrics and materials. And thankfully I've got Quince to help me with that. I'm replacing old pieces I have over worn with new and improved ones like throwing out the old hoodie I game in and replacing it with this new spring sweater. Look at me. I'm like a Reddit Mr. Rogers in this thing. Quince makes high quality essentials using premium materials like 100% European linen and their insanely soft flow knit activewear fabric. Their linen pants and shirts are lightweight, breathable and comfortable. With going on tour this summer, I need to make sure getting dressed is easy while making sure all my essential wardrobe pieces can last. And with Quints I can do that. Their website has so many great options and all of them really are incredibly comfortable. This is one of several things I've bought from them and I'm amazed. Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com PITReddit for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to Q U I n c e.com PitReddit for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com PitReddit Back to the show. Our next story comes from Am I the asshole? This was posted in September of 2022. Am I the asshole for kicking a server out of my wedding? Whoa.

[Amanda]

What?

[Olivia]

I, a 25 year old woman and my husband, a 30 year old man and I got married last Friday. We planned our dream wedding down to our dream catering company. The wedding was beautiful. After the pictures, we headed to our cocktail hour and that's when I saw her. My guests were all told to wear dark colors so my husband and I stood out. I also asked my guests to wear minimal makeup. I had assumed that applied to the staff too. The server, 19ish female, had on clearly too much eyeliner. She also had diamond studs in her ears, a flat flashy ring and one of those ugly nose studs.

[Amanda]

Oh my God.

[Olivia]

The staff's uniform was a black long sleeve shirt but on her it was too low cut and her pants were far too tight. It was super distracting. She was walking around serving drinks and talking to my guests. I asked another member of the staff to speak to their boss. When their boss came out, I pointed out the server and asked that she be dealt with because she was super distracting. Their boss apologized and called the server back into the kitchen. Not even an hour later the server was back out serving food for dinner. I called the boss over again and asked if the server could work in the back or go home. No, her boss said they were short staffed tonight so she would see what can be done. After a couple of hours of not seeing her, I saw the server again behind the bar. I called the boss out one last time and told her if the server didn't leave I would be calling the cops. The boss finally relented and told the girl to go home. My husband and mother in law said I was acting crazy, that I probably got a poor college kid fired for over nothing. My mother in maid of honor said it's my wedding so I can do as I please. It's my wedding and I don't want someone overshining me. And the server should know she's at work and not dress up so much. I do feel kind of bad because she was pretty young. Am I the ass?

[Amanda]

Yes, yes, you're absolutely an asshole and more God. I. I want to know how you are in your normal life because this is bad behavior.

[Olivia]

Probably bad all the time.

[Shane]

You're.

[Amanda]

This is gonna sound really mean but I don't think you should get married.

[Olivia]

Continue.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I don't think you should go off and I'm shocked you Had. I'm even shocked you had guests at your wedding. You're a bad person, and I think you should not be with someone for a long time. And I think it would be a bad idea for you to have children.

[Shane]

Go off.

[Amanda]

Sorry.

[Shane]

Go off. Dean.

[Amanda]

Well, this. Okay, like, you know that, you know that balcony scene. You know that balcony scene in succession when Tom goes, and I think you're a bad person to have children with. That is me telling this person. I just don't think this person is. Well, I, and it's going to permeate through every other thing in their life. And I, and you know what? It does make sense that the mother and the bridesmaid was like, yeah, go off, do whatever you want. Because they're also go nuts.

[Shane]

I, I, I will say.

[Olivia]

All right.

[Amanda]

I will say, that was so mean. I'm so sorry. You're probably a bad person.

[Shane]

That was pretty epic. I will say, I am so done with people being like, it's my wedding, it's my day. Goes. Just because you're getting married, it does not give you the right to what appears to be, to be your true self. Okay. Like, yeah. It does not give you the right to be so unbelievably rude to other human beings.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

This is someone who's working your wedding. Like, also, it's clear that you have a control issue over some. You are literally punching down on another woman who's dressing what makes her feel good.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

The whole wedding, your entire wedding, you're focused on one.

[Amanda]

Like, truly, how insecure are you?

[Shane]

A 19 year old, diamond studs and other. A flat does not.

[Olivia]

Yeah. I'm like, lady, you're 25. You're worried about a 19 year old who's doing their thing.

[Shane]

Do you think your husband is going to be like, I do. And also that waitress.

[Olivia]

Yeah. I'm like, what? What do you think?

[Shane]

Like, I'm just like, is probably what she thinks.

[Olivia]

It is very telling about where her head is at.

[Amanda]

Insecurity.

[Olivia]

And if I'm, if I'm the fiance or the husband, I'd be like, dude.

[Shane]

I'd be like, red, Red.

[Olivia]

This is how this person views everything around them.

[Amanda]

She should not marry.

[Olivia]

I do agree with you because there's a lot of the, like, oh, it's our wedding, it's our day. But when someone's so focused on controlling how other people look and how their bodies and being like all minimal makeup, do not outshine me. I'm like, I don't know. It's just, it gets to weird territory where I'm like, what?

[Shane]

Your wedding can do so much doesn't mean you dictate how other human beings are around you.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Shane]

Especially in the restaurant industry. Like this woman gets to wear whatever the f she wants.

[Olivia]

I also have a feeling if we saw this, this girl in person, we'd

[Shane]

be like, she'd be like, oh, she looks fine.

[Olivia]

She looks like she works for a catering. She looks like she.

[Shane]

If she wore a low cut shirt girl, Deal with it. Yeah. Like, I guarantee she's probably like this with her husband anywhere they go.

[Amanda]

Yes. Her husband probably hates her.

[Shane]

Because if you think about it, this hot take from Olivia is just killing me and she shouldn't have children.

[Olivia]

Like, O Satan is waiting for her.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

No. Yes.

[Olivia]

But the fact that the boss, that she called out the boss multiple times and the boss just like sends her back out, it shows. Like, I'm like, bosses are like tough on people. Especially like I've heard catering companies and stuff. Like, that's not, you're not gonna have a boss who's like, oh yeah, do whatever. Like, they're probably taking that shit seriously. And he's, he's recognized like what this lady's complaining about.

[Shane]

He's like, we're short stuff. She's working.

[Olivia]

Also working.

[Shane]

Imagine that 18 year old girl, she goes home and now she has a bad view on her body, on how she looks like. This is the biggest issue. This is such a bigger issue with, with young teenage girls is, is there is the possibility that a man might find you attractive when you're in something that makes you feel good. And what bothers me so much is women also just. Yes. And these nasty, toxic behaviors of going like, yes. See, she's evil by wearing something tight. And it's like, hey, if your man is going to flirt with someone younger, he's going to do it whether she's wearing that or not. Yeah, that's your problem.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm so done putting this on younger women of our generation of just like, dude, why are we making them the villains?

[Amanda]

Yeah, right.

[Shane]

This is crazy. She's literally just doing her job.

[Amanda]

She's doing her job. She's a. And by the way, this, this woman who's getting married, she's 25. Oh boy.

[Shane]

Go on.

[Olivia]

I love how it's becoming like things that aren't as big of a deal. It's like, and you're 25 and you're 25.

[Amanda]

That's when you're like, what? Frontal lobe is fully developed, I think

[Olivia]

didn't it come out there just like, that's just when the study ended.

[Amanda]

I hope this woman.

[Olivia]

You just keep getting more mature with age.

[Amanda]

Hey, I hope this woman watches this. It's me. And you better see me. I wear tight clothes and low shirts and big old diamond earrings. Come find me.

[Olivia]

This is your biggest awe.

[Shane]

Now I will say to tell your guests to wear minimal makeup and minimal makeup. This girl does not get enough attention in her real life that she has to what is with or she gets

[Olivia]

tons of attention, but it's. None of it's enough.

[Amanda]

Oh yeah, none of it's enough.

[Olivia]

There's just, it's just such a toxic view. Weddings are almost kind of like. It's one of those situations where you said it earlier of like, it's. It gives people permission in their heads to be who they really are.

[Shane]

To be who they really kind of

[Olivia]

like when someone's drunk, it's like, that's who they.

[Shane]

This isn't a Bridezilla situation. This is who this person really is.

[Olivia]

It's just like, yeah, all right. That's how you view people. Like, that's your priorities.

[Shane]

So sad.

[Olivia]

It is very sad. It's very lonely.

[Shane]

And like this is a day of, of uniting with your partner. And yet people make weddings about anything but their partner. That's literally what a wedding is.

[Olivia]

There's something really sad because we've read stories obviously where guests were white and stuff like that. And it's like, hey, there are, there are certain. Like, you hope your guests are respectful of you. But there is something very telling of like, it's my day and the main feature of my day is that everyone else needs to be smaller and minimized. I'm like, that's what's important to you. And that's so sad. These are your friends.

[Shane]

Yeah. This is your community.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, that's gonna raise you up.

[Olivia]

Don't you want on your day for everyone to feel good?

[Shane]

I will say you were like, her family's calling her crazy, but it's, it's her fiance and her fiance's mom is calling her crazy.

[Olivia]

Right. And so her mom and her maid of honor.

[Shane]

Her mom and her maid of honor, like go off. She has been her entire life.

[Olivia]

I got to say though, if, cuz what did. Did it say that her husband. What? Who was it who was calling her crazy? My husband and mother in law said I was acting crazy.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Olivia]

If, if, if you're having a wedding and you are calling your wife crazy on the wedding day, why are you getting married you're cooking.

[Amanda]

Your wedding is fully cooked. Your marriage is done.

[Olivia]

All that shit off.

[Amanda]

Chopped.

[Olivia]

God, Chopped.

[Amanda]

All right, it's chopped. I. I honestly like chopped. You're gonna have to. This woman needs a lot of help.

[Shane]

Yeah, To.

[Amanda]

To. To.

[Shane]

And we're gonna bring Olivia in.

[Amanda]

No, no.

[Shane]

To help her.

[Amanda]

No, you need help. Like, I don't think you can have a happy marriage or life if this is how you are to the world and to yourself. You have. You disrespect people.

[Shane]

Yep.

[Amanda]

And your family hates you. No. Yeah. Like, your family that you're marrying into thinks you're crazy.

[Shane]

So it's like, you know, you've been disrespected and everybody hates you. And you shouldn't be wearing that. Da, da, da, da, da.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

Sorry. And your taste in movies is awful. You didn't even write anything about that. But I just know.

[Amanda]

I know. Oh, my God. Your letter box is shit. You don't even have one.

[Olivia]

Okay, Olivia, before we move on to more stories, are you certain this is. Is. This is the worst person we're going to read about today?

[Amanda]

I'm certain. This is the worst person ever. And I see her coming.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Olivia]

I hope we don't. I hope for her sake we don't. We got to read a few comments here. You're the asshole. But don't worry. I'm sure the catering team will get it right at your next wedding.

[Shane]

Oh, okay. Olivia, you are correct. People are coming for her.

[Amanda]

Your marriage is so fucking.

[Olivia]

Olivia probably made five accounts, and that's me. Someone said you're the asshole. Too bad you didn't get to enjoy your wedding reception because you couldn't stop obsessing over a college age server. The things that you objected to in the server could have been fixed. She could have removed her jewelry. The boss could have given her a shirt that covered her better. But you didn't want it fixed. You chose to complain about her and not the offending items. This was entirely your choice to not enjoy yourself. Lastly, someone said, who spends so much energy on their wedding day because a server was wearing too much eyeliner and earrings? You're the asshole. You need therapy. This is not normal.

[Shane]

Oh, what was she thinking? She got roasted.

[Olivia]

She also threatened to call the cops.

[Shane]

Oh, we never discussed.

[Olivia]

Which is very telling.

[Amanda]

That is the close care.

[Olivia]

Which is very telling. It's very telling behavior.

[Shane]

She is wearing tight clothes, and I see a breast, and it's kind of scary. And there's diamond studs and a flashy ring like this.

[Olivia]

Jesus Christ.

[Shane]

I know. Okay. We can't rile her up any.

[Amanda]

I am gonna arrest.

[Shane]

We can't rile it be up. We gotta keep it down.

[Olivia]

Okay?

[Shane]

Gotta keep it down.

[Olivia]

We must move on.

[Shane]

We must know.

[Olivia]

Let's see if anybody's worse than that.

[Amanda]

I don't think so. I do. I don't think so.

[Olivia]

It's always possible. Our next story comes from Am I the asshole? Posted in September of 2021. Good year.

[Amanda]

That was my favorite year.

[Olivia]

Am I the asshole for being at breaking point with my husband's made up language?

[Shane]

Oh my God. Pig Latin.

[Olivia]

My husband has always been a bit goofy giving his own names to things and doing impressions. About 18 months ago this started pissing me off. To be clear, you said the lady from the last story is the worst person we're going to read about today. Yeah. About 18 months ago this started to increase a lot. It's now a constant presence in our lives and I'm finding it difficult to live with examples. He has his own name for most retail outlets, professionals, organizations. Eat your greens is Walgreens. Sharks and gobbles is Barnes and Noble. He has about 30 to 40 everyday words that he insists on using in place of normal ones. Scuppers with a rising whistle at the end is yes. Bing with a descending whistle is no. And bagaya. Yeah. Good night. Oh. He constantly does weird sound impersonations. Not like celebrities or characters, but a single noise that's a made up sound or something childish like a fart from a children's TV show. He speaks random words like garbage or douchebag whilst burping or farting. He has made up names for our friends which he uses sometimes even under his breath when we're out with them. Pam and Will are Pig and Wig. I've just had enough. We got into bed the other night and I said good night and he said bagaya. Yeah. In the high pitched voice he always does it in. I snapped and asked why he couldn't just speak to me normally and he just laughed and came right up close to my face and it again. His whistling is constant. He speaks to our kid in this stupid language and I'm worried it's going to confuse normal language development because he changes the words so often our toddler could be about to hurt themselves and instead of saying no or come here, he'll say some ridiculous madeup word or sound and then get annoyed when our kid doesn't know what he wants. He's.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Shane]

Hey everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Olivia]

Oh no.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Shane]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty

[Olivia]

Liberty Liberty Liberty Long drive ahead TikTok shows road trip spots, car hacks, travel playlists, best routes, hidden cafes, scenic stops. Drive smarter Explore more Download TikTok now normal in other respects, works in finance and is totally professional around his colleagues, but different at home. I told him it needs to stop. I don't mind it occasionally or for fun, but it's all the time and it's wearing me down. He got upset and said I couldn't take a joke joke and that I'm not fun anymore. It's true that I've become more irritable and noise averse since we had kids, but I'm so worn out and over it and just want him to relate to me like an adult. Edit I do not believe, but I'm not health qualified that he displays any symptoms of Tourette's, autism, neurological disorders, etc. And hasn't ever done. Despite this, he is physically well by all measures. He is for sure not having a stroke or significant physical health event. Yes, I can see this could be a reaction to stress. Stress. For those asking why I married him, he did not do this to this extent before we had kids occasionally, yes, with the occasional name or words, but not this regular. He is amazing in many ways, but this one thing is now too much for me. I don't feel it's right to discount him or throw out the whole marriage because of it. But it does need to change. He will not go to therapy. We have discussed it calmly previously. He did not take me seriously or make changes. He sees this as funny and just a joke. I agree that we need to talk more. Yes, it can be funny occasionally. I'm not trying to spoil his fun. I also need an adult partner at times and for him to stop when not appropriate. Bing bing bing. Scuppers.

[Amanda]

I hate this.

[Shane]

Okay, okay, here's what I think. I think when a man becomes a dad sometimes and a woman, they turn into something else else like a creature of sorts.

[Amanda]

And I think.

[Shane]

I think they be. I think they get into this like childlike place. I. I think not a Lot of people talk about men after having kids. Like women talk about postpartum. Not enough. But like men also go through a version of postpartum and maybe something has become a silly little guy and he's just. In order to cope, he's just like, bing, bang, bang.

[Amanda]

I.

[Olivia]

Okay, he became crazy frog.

[Amanda]

So I. I have a made up language too.

[Shane]

Chinese, Mandarin. Mandarin is not made up,

[Olivia]

by the way. This is made up. I'm like, I don't think it's made up.

[Amanda]

I have a made up language. Nihal Ma. Yeah, no, that's my made up language.

[Olivia]

Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure.

[Shane]

Something has snapped in you.

[Amanda]

Something has snapped. I do think that having children, something triggers a man to become more like a child.

[Shane]

Not always, but yes.

[Amanda]

Not always, but I think maybe, maybe they start subconsciously thinking about when they were a child and how they were. Yeah, I've heard this before.

[Shane]

Look at us professionally coming at this where it's just like he's giving her

[Olivia]

the ick, trying to figure out big time. He needs.

[Amanda]

He also should go to therapy because I think there's something.

[Olivia]

Well, it's interesting that.

[Shane]

Did he say no? She say bing?

[Amanda]

He said. He said.

[Olivia]

She said he will not go to therapy. We have discussed it calmly previously. He did not take me seriously or make changes. I think the issue about all of this is just that he doesn't do this stuff around his friends. She's saying. Or at work and other situations he does around her. She has asked him to stop and he just keeps saying it's just a joke. It just sounds like he's being disrespectful of her. Like, that's. But no matter how silly the circumstances are, he's just not listening.

[Shane]

Clearly is not. He's a financial bro. His. His financial bros would never accept this, probably. He clearly is not getting a creative outlet that he needs. He needs to go fucking take a clown workshop.

[Olivia]

He does need to do clowning.

[Amanda]

He does.

[Shane]

He. He has. He's having a creative.

[Olivia]

This guy needs to be an improviser.

[Amanda]

Yeah. No. Sometimes I feel like if I were in a job like this and I can't be crazy and wild, I might. This might happen.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

Yeah. This might happen to you.

[Shane]

Imagine I was a financial person and I was like walking over to people's desk and I was like, hey, y'.

[Olivia]

All.

[Shane]

Like, I would go home and be like, what for dinner?

[Amanda]

Exactly, exactly.

[Shane]

Like I would lose my shit.

[Amanda]

His calling, he's not doing what he actually enjoys.

[Shane]

But the kids situation, him speaking to the kids in another language that. That would bother me so much. The real issue, I think here is that he's speaking to their kids in a made up language which they're in a development phase which would. Would frustrate me because those aren't real words that they can use.

[Olivia]

And the kids are confused and they're very confused. And then it said. He will say. Instead of saying no, he'll say his made up stuff and then get frustrated when the kids don't respond to each other.

[Shane]

Yeah. That's weird.

[Olivia]

What's going on?

[Amanda]

We don't know what pig and wig means.

[Olivia]

I. Look, I'm not a psychologist.

[Shane]

Pam and Will.

[Olivia]

Yeah, pig and w. I'm obviously not a psychologist by any means. I have no expertise in it. But I do feel like what seems to be happening is this guy. There's. There's something going on.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

And this is a weird way that it's coming out of him.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Olivia]

And he's going, oh, I don't need therapy. I'm fine. It's like, no, I don't think you are.

[Shane]

No.

[Olivia]

Something's something going on inside your head. Yeah. I don't know what it is.

[Shane]

But his kids are bringing out some side that was suppressed. Yeah.

[Olivia]

Because especially because he's downplaying it when he's being like, he is not recognizing what's coming.

[Shane]

Like you're not fun anymore.

[Olivia]

Yeah. Like I can understand why comments and stuff are going, oh, is there Tourette's or autism or something? Because it's, it's displaying like, like, oh, there's like something neurological maybe happening. And I think maybe. But it's maybe more like maybe it's

[Shane]

like a trauma response.

[Amanda]

I know it can be. Get your brain scanned.

[Olivia]

He. He really should go because I feel like someone. This is an interesting behavior that's happening. There is also the element of like. She's like, this is wearing me down. There is also the element, the possibility that he's. This is a form of just pure like manipulation and just.

[Shane]

It's possible. We don't know who these people are at all.

[Olivia]

Doing this to berate her. Cause he sees how much it affects her.

[Shane]

That's so mean.

[Olivia]

People do mean shit. I don't know. I'm saying we don't know these people. These are all possibilities.

[Amanda]

This is still not as bad as Wedding Woman.

[Shane]

Okay, I do agree with you. I agree with you.

[Olivia]

The verdict is not the asshole. She's doing nothing wrong. Comments? Is this a real post? If it is, you got Problems. OP not the OP said I wish I was joking. I sometimes wonder if lockdown broke something in his brain. Oh, someone said not the I do this kind of stuff a lot, mostly the one about imitating stuff from shows. I quote random tik toks all the time, make weird noises to myself, etc, but I'm more than capable of cutting it out if I have to. I used to say my guy all the time until it became a habit. I don't know about that one. My guy. All right, my guy. That one specifically drove my ex up the wall and when he told he hated it, I made a concentrated effort to stop saying it. The fact he doesn't do this around other people shows he's more than capable of knocking it off when required and that he's aware, at least on some level, that he's doing it. The only thing I can suggest, given that your husband doesn't seem receptive to an adult conversation, is that you refuse to engage with him unless he speaks properly. Like if he says scuppers or whatever it was just act confused and say sorry, was that a yes or a no? Basically, don't react to these weird madeup things he's saying and show him you're not going to play ball anymore. Yeah, OP said thanks. Yes, I think this is a plan. It's been going on for so long now that I don't often have to ask for a translation anymore, so I tend to still reply to his nonsense. I'm going to stop answering unless he speaks normally.

[Shane]

Scuppers.

[Amanda]

Scuppers.

[Olivia]

Scuppers.

[Shane]

Scupper. Do you want lobster for dinner? Scappers.

[Olivia]

Scappers.

[Amanda]

Okay, I am laughing. It is funny.

[Shane]

Also, my guy is not the same as a flaw made up. No man, I was saying dude a lot and man, my girlfriend was at me. Me.

[Olivia]

Someone said no one's the have you spoken to him directly about the fact you've noticed he's doing this more often? Is it possible he's falling into this silly type of thing to cope with other stresses? Yes, I completely understand being annoyed by it, but if the frequency has increased, there is certainly a reason for it. Maybe giving him the opportunity to open up about this in conversation as opposed to a response to you. Snapping will shed some light and make things easier for everyone involved. Opie said yes, yes loads of times. A few months ago we had a serious but calm discussion about it and I told him it was too much and I couldn't take it all the time. He said he didn't notice he was Doing it. So I started pointing it out, and he got fed up and told me I was being way too picky. I just can't take it anymore. I'm sick of reminding him to not be so gross. Burping and making weird noises while we're having dinner. And the high sounds make me want to claw my eyes out. He even does it whilst I'm trying to settle our. Our toddler for bed. Bed. Which just gets him all hyperactive and hard to settle.

[Shane]

I'm sorry, the toddler's going to bed. She's like, good night, sweet.

[Olivia]

He's like, garbage.

[Shane]

Whatever.

[Olivia]

He said scuppers.

[Shane]

No, he says garbage when he burps. Right?

[Olivia]

Yeah, garbage. Garbage. This is so awful. All right, we've come back around. He's hilarious.

[Shane]

No, he's not. There's something going on and I would lose my literal mind. Yes. I would lose my.

[Amanda]

I think this person needs help. Professional help.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Olivia]

Yeah, probably. Update. Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Thank God.

[Olivia]

It's been several months since I posted this, so thought I'd come back to update as requested. He eventually agreed to get checked out. Confirmed neurotypical, and no other health concerns. We were referred for marriage counseling, and he wouldn't go. I entered, ended it, and am slowly rebuilding my life. Honestly, this post was just the tip of the iceberg, and I'm exhausted, but glad to be out. He also ended up really insulting our close friends, and it all spiraled into complete hellfire. So.

[Shane]

So they got it.

[Olivia]

Wait, she's saying this was just the tip of the iceberg. There was. Okay, so this is the Reddit thing that happens a lot where someone writes in and they go. They go, oh, my. My husband's making silly noises. And then they update and they go, oh, by the way, he also tried to murder me. It's like, yeah, okay, okay. So the silly noises were not the problem.

[Shane]

They don't want to fully admit the big scary.

[Olivia]

Well, they're kind of like, yeah, they're

[Shane]

kind of processing, like, yeah, he. He makes silly noises. Isn't that crazy? And in the back of their head, they're like, he tried to kill me.

[Olivia]

Yeah. He cheated on me.

[Shane]

Wait, so they're just divorced?

[Olivia]

They're divorced.

[Shane]

And so the kid is going to go to dad's house and it's going to be all made up language.

[Olivia]

It'll be interesting if he continues doing it.

[Amanda]

He will.

[Olivia]

I'm surprised he was willing to go to a doctor to get checked out. And they're like, yeah, guy's not.

[Shane]

Because he probably knows that he's not. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

Wow.

[Shane]

Maybe. Maybe he did it so she would divorce him and. And, and it was her decision.

[Amanda]

Like, like a, like a gone girl type of thing. Yeah.

[Shane]

This is gone girl.

[Amanda]

This is gone girl.

[Shane]

Shane's not buying it. He doesn't like it.

[Amanda]

I just.

[Olivia]

The gaya ya girl. Nice.

[Amanda]

No, but it's also funny when it's like, oh, why'd you guys get a dog divorce? Well, I was like saying all these. I have a made up language and that's. That's crazy. Damn. Yeah.

[Olivia]

Wow.

[Shane]

Still not. Still not. Still not.

[Olivia]

Ladies. The worst.

[Amanda]

But then, but then this, this woman in her future dates or husbands or partners, they say one little quirky thing.

[Shane]

She's like. She's like, stop. He's like, gotcha. She's like, stop.

[Olivia]

He's like, it's a slippery slope.

[Shane]

She's like, no, Doe, stop it. He's like, boo.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Booyah.

[Olivia]

One of them burps. She pulls out a gun. She's like, better fucking stop. Enough, enough, enough. Don't you dare.

[Amanda]

She keeps attracting these people.

[Olivia]

Looney tunes.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

She's just with a cartoon.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Olivia]

Okay.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Olivia]

Our next next story comes from relationship advice. This was posted in October of 2025. I hurt my friend's girlfriend's feelings by saying his ex was a better cook. How do I make her feel better? All right, so op is a 32 year old man, his friend is a 26 year old man, and his friend's girlfriend is a 28 year old woman. Once again, I hurt my friend's girlfriend's feelings by saying his ex was a better cook. How do I make her feel better? Better?

[Amanda]

Just facts.

[Olivia]

That's just. That's just how it is sometimes.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

My friend recently started dating this new girl. I would say it's been about six months since they started dating. One thing that I noticed is he's cooking way more than he did in his previous relationship. This is the first relationship since he and his ex broke up for good. And one thing about his ex, she could cook. She made by far the best pork chop I have ever tasted. But everything she made, she could do some crazy work in that kitchen. My wife is more of a baker, but when they would both team up where she cooks and my wife would bake, it was like Shaq and Kobe. Now unfortunately, my friend's ex cheated on him, but I was able to convince him to try to make it work.

[Amanda]

Cuz that pork chop.

[Olivia]

But then she.

[Shane]

Yeah, pork chop.

[Olivia]

Holy shit. But I Convinced him to try to make it work. But then she cheated again, and there was no convincing him. It sucks because I missed those pork chops.

[Shane]

What the hell?

[Olivia]

Sunday, he had my wife and I opened over for dinner, and surprisingly, his new girlfriend was cooking. In his new relationship, he's been doing the majority of the cooking. Her cooking was average. He is good, but his ex was great. So after we ate, she said, be honest. How was it? Oh, no.

[Shane]

Olivia is losing it right now.

[Amanda]

So funny.

[Olivia]

They were like, Shaq and Kobe is crazy.

[Shane]

But those pork chops, though. She cheated on me five times.

[Olivia]

She cheated on your best friend. You go. You got to go back. You got to go back to.

[Shane]

And invite me over the night.

[Olivia]

She comes, comes back. Okay, so this new girl asked about the cooking. She goes, be honest. How was it?

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Olivia]

So my wife and I were honest. Like, she asked and said it was average. We talked about how his ex was the most amazing cook ever and gave her some tips. My wife said if we ranked her cooking, it would be my friend's ex, herself. Me, my friend, and then his current girlfriend. I disagreed.

[Shane]

What the hell is happening?

[Olivia]

Why she.

[Shane]

When they said, be on honest, it's not one of those situations where you're gonna need to be honest. Hey.

[Olivia]

Okay, how is this food that I just cooked for you just now? Be honest. Oh, well, his ex

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

and Doug. There's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Amanda]

Hey, everyone.

[Shane]

Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Olivia]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

We help people customize, save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Shane]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Anyways, only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Olivia]

Liberty.

[Shane]

Liberty.

[Olivia]

Liberty.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

The fight for our future starts with

[Olivia]

belief in our nation and its promise in our future and its potential.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Together, we answer America's call to win. We are marines. We were made for this.

[Olivia]

Who's hot, by the way?

[Shane]

Yeah, she's very hot. Bigger tits than you, by the way. Yours are an A. Yeah, her ranking was the best.

[Olivia]

She was the Kobe of cooking, and

[Amanda]

my wife is a shack of bacon.

[Olivia]

I asked you about how this plate of food.

[Shane]

Nice ass.

[Olivia]

Let's be. My ranking is my friend's ex, my friend, my wife, my friend's current girlfriend, and then me. But I do think there is room for debate after the first two, to be honest. But I don't think it's close. My friend's ex by a wide margin. Then my friend himself. You can play with the other order somewhat after that. Then we talked about how combining my friend's ex's cooking with her baking was an unstoppable force. Lol. Anyway, her feelings are really hurt.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

And my friend made us leave. My wife and I are confused because she asked for honesty and we were giving her feedback. Now I see we should have lied. But don't ask people people to be honest and then get mad at honesty. But still, I do want to make it up to her. Any idea is welcome.

[Shane]

Cook some pork chops.

[Olivia]

I'll take long to reply because I'm at work, but will when I can. Thank you. She didn't ask for a ranking, dude.

[Amanda]

No. What if she did ask for ranking?

[Olivia]

She said, be. How was the food? Be honest?

[Shane]

Could you imagine?

[Olivia]

They said, okay, so if I have to rank, if I have to rank,

[Shane]

they're just sitting there going like, well, let's rank them. Well, of course, the hot, hot, hot

[Olivia]

X did podcast Mike swoop in in front of them and they go, well, all right, if we're gonna rank it.

[Shane]

Yeah, can I.

[Olivia]

His ex.

[Amanda]

Okay, can I just say yes? That is really mean to say to a new girlfriend entering their friend group.

[Olivia]

However,

[Amanda]

I think I appreciate this type of honesty.

[Shane]

Yeah, I get it.

[Amanda]

You know, it's like, I can appreciate

[Olivia]

this type of honesty if it's welcomed by all in the room and expected. But she was not asking for that. They were. She was asking. She was asking for feedback. It's not like if. Okay, if you. If we go into an audition and you go, yeah, how. How is this read? It's like, well, if I had to rank all of the actors today, I would love that.

[Amanda]

I would actually appreciate that.

[Olivia]

I wouldn't. I'd be like, yeah, how. How can I do better?

[Shane]

Would be what I. I do kind of agree with.

[Olivia]

Like, there is that if you are

[Shane]

someone like, yeah, I want that.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Tell me the truth.

[Olivia]

There is a world where being able to handle that type of honesty is very freeing.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Olivia]

But in this situation, she cooked something and she asked for feedback and they went into talking. Don't bring up someone's ex. Don't ever bring someone's first.

[Shane]

Average. Not a fun word.

[Olivia]

Not a fun.

[Shane]

Nobody likes mid or average.

[Olivia]

It's crazy how average means. Oh, it's the most common. But. But it's. It's bad.

[Shane]

Also.

[Olivia]

It's almost worse to say, she put

[Shane]

down the food and go. Okay. What do you guys think? Be honest as like a.

[Olivia]

It's chopped up hot dogs.

[Amanda]

Well, okay, here's the thing.

[Shane]

What if I did look crazy?

[Amanda]

What if the ex is Bobby Flair or what? Or Gordon Ramsay.

[Olivia]

True.

[Shane]

He's married.

[Amanda]

Well, you know. Or any Martha Stewart.

[Olivia]

Wow. His ex is Martha Stewart.

[Amanda]

Do you know what I mean? Do you know?

[Shane]

I know she was good at pork chops.

[Amanda]

It's in a garden. You know, she's.

[Shane]

Okay, she's married. And her and Jeffrey have a very solid relationship.

[Amanda]

No, I'm saying, like, what if it was like the best.

[Shane]

No, I know.

[Amanda]

Cook like. Like, why is this friend convincing the friend so hard even after she cheated to. To get back these pork chops must be the craziest.

[Olivia]

These friends gotta let this ex go.

[Amanda]

What if they just befriend the ex?

[Olivia]

Ops need it seems like that's what they want.

[Amanda]

They should just be friends with the ex so they can keep eating her pork chops.

[Olivia]

They cared about the pork chops so much.

[Shane]

What they need is they just need to get the recipe.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And get better at.

[Olivia]

Yeah, but it sounds like the way she makes it.

[Amanda]

No more than just the recipe.

[Olivia]

Pork chops. Pork chops are not easy.

[Amanda]

Pork chops are not easy.

[Olivia]

I think that's an advanced recipe though.

[Amanda]

You have to cook with love.

[Olivia]

Them saying it was not that great is not the problem. It's that they brought. They started ranking people. They could have said, I thought it was dog. That's fine.

[Shane]

No, I think it's not fine.

[Olivia]

But Shane. No, she said give me honest feedback. And they could say I actually hated that so much. But what are you. Don't say they really fucked up by bringing up his ex. That's where I think they're really the asshole.

[Shane]

If someone said my food.

[Olivia]

I would never say that to someone.

[Amanda]

I would never.

[Olivia]

Oh, I would not say that.

[Shane]

Oh, if you hated it, would you say you liked it?

[Olivia]

I'm also. Oh, here's okay, let me be completely honest here. I. I rarely hate food like I have. I know.

[Shane]

So you're just like. You just shovel it in.

[Amanda]

I'm saying, so you have no taste.

[Olivia]

I'm never going to be like, I hate it. If. If I was. If I was with someone I trusted and we had a good relationship where I know I could be honest. I said, how was it? I would maybe be like, I think it maybe needs more of this. Or like I would offer, like, how I think, yes, it could get there. But I'm saying that I don't think they're necessarily assholes for whatever they said. When someone goes, be honest. How do you like it? And they go, I hated it. But where I think they're assholes is don't rank her with his ex.

[Shane]

Don't bring up the ex.

[Olivia]

Don't bring up the ex. I think you're an. If you bring up someone's ex.

[Shane]

I have a conspiracy theory.

[Amanda]

I have a conspiracy theory.

[Olivia]

Go on, go on.

[Amanda]

Ex girlfriend told them to say that

[Olivia]

you think she was sabotage.

[Shane]

She was like, give you an unlimited supply of pork chops for one month.

[Amanda]

Yes. They go, oh, we're actually. We're going over for dinner. And she goes, you know what? You tell. You tell her. You tell her that my food is better.

[Shane]

You want a pork chop on your pillow tonight?

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You go tell them.

[Amanda]

Yes. Do you know what I mean?

[Shane]

And I want you to say average.

[Amanda]

That's my conspiracy theory.

[Shane]

I love that. Is there an update on what her plan was?

[Olivia]

We don't have an update on this, but we do have comments. Okay, comments. You wanted your friend to stay with a cheating piece of shit so you could occasionally have pork chops. Damn, you're a shitty person in general. I'd unfriend you in a hard heartbeat.

[Shane]

I love that he's asking for suggestions,

[Olivia]

and people are just, how do I. Opie said, that's not why I wanted them to stay together. I thought she was genuinely remorseful, and I could tell he really loved her. The breakup devastated him, and he didn't date for a while after that. Someone said she didn't ask how her food compared to his ex. She asked how her food was. If you can't figure out where you went wrong, I wouldn't be expecting an invite back. Someone said, so the girlfriend asked for feedback and you compared her to a cheating ex. Why? Constructive feedback can be, it was a bit dry or I prefer a bit more flavor. But a direct comparison to another person, much less someone like the ex, isn't helpful or kind. You need to apologize profusely and vow to never mention the ex again. You sound like you're in love with the ex or at least her cooking. To try to push her onto your BFF and his ex in such a cruel fashion. She asked how the food was not a comparison between everyone sitting in the room mentioning the ex wasn't needed. And why did you try to convince him to take back a cheater? Because you missed those pork chops. Seriously, did you? American pie. Those pork chops.

[Shane]

Chops that Would be so hard.

[Olivia]

It would be really.

[Shane]

How would you get it even in there?

[Olivia]

OP responded that saying, when I told him to take her back, it had nothing to do with the pork chops. I could tell that he really loved her. And she illustrated to my wife and I that she was serious about changing and rebuilding his trust.

[Shane]

So no one actually gave him suggestions on how to.

[Olivia]

Nobody was. I don't know. Well, someone said apologize profusely.

[Shane]

This.

[Amanda]

This person likes to make comparisons. Shaq and Kobe in the kitchen, you know, like.

[Olivia]

Which is hilarious.

[Amanda]

Yeah. So I think this is their personal.

[Olivia]

That if he said that.

[Shane]

Who's Jack in that?

[Amanda]

His wife. The baker.

[Shane]

The baker is the pork chop.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Olivia]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say that's. I would say that's because pork chops. That requires more accurate. No, I would say a baker requires more accuracy and stuff. So maybe that's Kobe. Whereas a cook is a more general. Like a big. Like, you know, that's the main event. Like that.

[Shane]

I'm enjoying this.

[Amanda]

Well, Kobe is also the main event.

[Olivia]

They're both the main event. That's. That's why they. That's why there was so much competition between. For sure. With Shaq, it was an unstoppable force. Kobe. Kobe could hit threes like nobody's business. So.

[Shane]

So I think he's the poor guy.

[Olivia]

What are you gonna do? Because you have to.

[Shane]

Shaq.

[Olivia]

Because you have to double triple team Shaq.

[Amanda]

So you're saying Shaq is.

[Olivia]

You have to triple team his wife.

[Amanda]

Wait, wait.

[Olivia]

Pork chops?

[Shane]

Shane, you're talking about something completely the reality.

[Olivia]

It's what you have to do.

[Shane]

If you want to triple team the pork chop woman.

[Amanda]

Do it. No,

[Shane]

like, if that's your goal. Here, here.

[Olivia]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

My whole point to. Come on Reddit story is just a roast. Yeah.

[Olivia]

If it's easy. If they said the Shaq and Kobe thing to this current girlfriend, there's no going back. You can't compare someone's ex Kobe.

[Shane]

I would have laughed. I would have been like, what the hell? And then I would.

[Olivia]

Going on. No, for sure.

[Amanda]

I kind of want to get to know this person.

[Shane]

Which one?

[Olivia]

I don't think you. But. But Amanda, you are someone who I think nothing's going to like, you can

[Shane]

handle me and G. When we eat our food. I'm like, what did you put in this? I'm like, oh, no. Too much. Too much of this. And he's like, yeah, you're right.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Same when you're in, like, a long relationship.

[Shane]

Holy Shit.

[Amanda]

By the way, I'm an amazing cook.

[Olivia]

You are an amazing.

[Amanda]

I'm an amazing cook.

[Shane]

You are.

[Amanda]

But like, if I'm doing something like, like my partner would be like, oh, yeah, this. This feels a little too.

[Shane]

You know.

[Olivia]

I will say though, the better of a cook you are, the less offended you are by notes.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

Because I. Because you guys are both. You know a lot about cooking and your hus knows so much about cooking. I feel like people who know a lot about cooking, they're actually eager for feedback. Cuz it is a constant experiment.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

But if you're not that much of a cook, it's. It's very much like, oh, it's a big undertaking you're taking on and you want to know that you pleased your guests.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Olivia]

So that's tough.

[Shane]

It's tough.

[Olivia]

But don't compare someone to their ex.

[Shane]

No. Or Shaq or Kobe. I mean, sounds fun, but.

[Amanda]

Yeah. But we still also clarify, is your wife the baker Kobe or she shack.

[Olivia]

I need to know which one is.

[Shane]

Yeah, we ask them.

[Olivia]

I mean, if I'm them, you got to apologize. You have to apologize. What Profusely means I don't know.

[Shane]

My advice to op is have your shack wife bake something awesome. Come over and say, hey, how are these? Be honest.

[Olivia]

And then she'd be like.

[Shane]

And then let her do whatever.

[Olivia]

The probably amazing.

[Amanda]

It's probably amazing.

[Olivia]

But here's the thing. Everybody offers something different. So it's like, yeah, the X was agreeing. Great cook. This new girlfriend probably is.

[Amanda]

Cheat on him.

[Olivia]

Won't cheat on him. And that. That's. And that's better.

[Shane]

Yeah. And they can order out. It's like, hey, God damn those pork chops, though. I really want these pork chops.

[Olivia]

Yeah, pork chops.

[Amanda]

I don't eat pork.

[Olivia]

And to be clear, the woman is still the worst.

[Amanda]

The woman is still the worst.

[Olivia]

The bride is the worst.

[Shane]

The bride.

[Amanda]

Bride is still the worst person.

[Shane]

Diamond studs.

[Olivia]

Okay.

[Shane]

Flashy ring. Yeah.

[Olivia]

Our final story comes from Am I the. It was posted in February of this year. Am I the. For confronting my girl when I realized she took credit for something she didn't really do. Ooh. So a couple days ago, my girl and I were celebrating and she told me she made me chocolates as a gift. She was super excited about it, saying she spent hours on them. She works a little waitress job so she doesn't have a ton of money.

[Amanda]

Crazy thing to say.

[Olivia]

My girl, she works a tiny little waitress job.

[Amanda]

What the hell?

[Shane]

Handle this.

[Olivia]

So she doesn't have a ton of money, so I didn't mind her cheaping out a bit compared to what I got. I thought it was sweet that she tried. I didn't even know she knew how to make sweets and stuff because she always says she can barely cook. She's not Kobe in the kitchen anyway. Anyway, I asked her how she learned how to make it and it turns out she just melted pre made chocolate and poured it into molds. She didn't even make any of the fillings herself either. She got store bought caramel and fruit spread and and stuff. Literally all of it was pre made. She barely put any effort at all and then she was all proud of herself. Usually I try to let things go because she's so sensitive to criticism, but it just really irritated me that she tricked me like that. So I called her out on lying about it. She got upset and said she did make them because she put in so much effort. Halfway through arguing with me about if it's okay to lie to me or not, she just starts texting someone and says she doesn't want to argue anymore. She ended up getting her sister to come pick her up and she's been hanging out with her instead of me for the past two. Two days. Her sister called me a dick on her way out too, which kind of makes me think my girl lied to her also about making them. Otherwise I don't know why she'd be mad at me. At first I was really sure that I was right, but maybe I need to be more forgiving of it. Like at the end of the day, I know she's not a great cook, so maybe I should have expected it not to actually be from scratch. She's usually really sweet and texts me a lot, but she hasn't been talking to me much the past couple days, so I'm starting to feel like maybe I overreacted. Acted edit for clarity. You guys are really upset about the way I talk and just wanted to address it. She knows I call her my girl. She calls me her dude. She calls it a little waitress job too, because it's basically just a side gig. How I talk is not really the problem at all and I think it's strange you all are so focused on it. Anyway, some others said my age and what I got her matters. So I'm 32 and I got her some old figurines she collects. Also, just to clarify, you guys seem to think she put a lot more effort into this than it sounded like she did. From her explanation, I'm seeing People talking about. About thermometers and how hard it is to make chocolate melt, but she literally only used the microwave to melt it. And she doesn't even own a kitchen thermometer, so I doubt she used one. Maybe everyone just isn't understanding when I say she's got really little experience cooking and didn't seem to put much effort into these. She literally just melted it in the microwave, poured it into molds, and then put stuff she bought inside of it. That doesn't even sound like what you guys are saying. Homemade chocolates are done. Like, some people have said I should make my own to see how hard it is. Is. And I think I might, because you're all describing actually sounds hard, unlike what she did with the microwave and everything.

[Shane]

Okay, my little dude, I'm so sorry. I don't think you deserve to be in a relationship, my little dude, because your little girl, little waitress job, she's going to have a way better time not making you goddamn anything.

[Amanda]

Exactly.

[Shane]

This man does not want this little girl. Girl. This man does not want his girl to succeed at all. No, he consistently. I think he said it like seven times that she didn't put any effort into it.

[Amanda]

You are a little man. Okay? You are a tiny, tiny little man with a very, very average, below average Bahrain and.

[Shane]

Okay, get him.

[Amanda]

And you know what I would love to do to this person?

[Shane]

Yeah, get him.

[Olivia]

Get him.

[Amanda]

I would love to go inside your house. House.

[Olivia]

Oh, okay.

[Amanda]

Take away everything.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Olivia]

Okay.

[Amanda]

I want to take away your stove.

[Shane]

Oh, that's gonna be your shoes.

[Olivia]

A very interesting thief.

[Amanda]

I'm gonna move your ass out of your house.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Amanda]

And then you're gonna go in your house. Everything's gone.

[Shane]

Yeah, Take the shoes in the stove. For sure.

[Amanda]

Everything. I'm saying everything.

[Shane]

Oh, everything. Yeah.

[Amanda]

No, no, I'm gonna.

[Olivia]

And then you're gonna start with the stove.

[Amanda]

No.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

I want to take everything out of your life.

[Shane]

Yes. Stouff.

[Amanda]

So you're just an empty little, tiny little man.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

God. And you know what? I'm gonna. I hope you never get married.

[Shane]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Bring it around.

[Amanda]

No, I literally hope you never get married.

[Shane]

Okay. Yeah, get him. Yeah, get him. So stove first. And then deserve.

[Olivia]

You get him. I'm be back here.

[Shane]

But you get him. No, I'll be here.

[Amanda]

I'm right.

[Shane]

I'm here. Honestly, this little dude, man. And I will say I was. When he was talking about her, I was to be like. So just the way you're talking about her shows that you don't have any respect for her. So then he said edit. And as he's trying to say, hey, guys, this is our thing. He's again disrespecting her, even double time in the edit.

[Amanda]

I hate this person.

[Olivia]

Yeah, yeah. But you said the other lady's worse.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah. Olivia.

[Olivia]

She was the worst of the day. Olivia.

[Amanda]

They're both equally the same.

[Olivia]

Oh, you got it.

[Shane]

You can't think now.

[Olivia]

Stoppers.

[Amanda]

This is making scuppers look like freaking.

[Olivia]

This is making scuppers look like Bing, you know? Yeah. To be clear, she made chocolates.

[Amanda]

What's the definition?

[Olivia]

I don't really care how people make chocolates. Like, I'm like, you made me chocolate.

[Shane]

She put it in a mold and

[Olivia]

filled out the stuff. That sounds hard.

[Shane]

I'm sorry. She gave you. She. She spent her time. She spent her time.

[Olivia]

He's mad about the process in which she melted ch. Chocolate.

[Shane]

He failed.

[Amanda]

He should be so happy that anything even. She went to buy a Russell Stovers from cvs. And that is enough, honestly.

[Olivia]

That shit's good, though. You're upset by chocolate. Who's ever upset when they see chocolate?

[Shane]

Yeah, no, he clearly has a complete. A very specific take on who his partner is and should be. And he's judging her from the get go. He's like. He's like. She has no experience, but really, she doesn't.

[Olivia]

Canada.

[Shane]

She. She has a little waitress job and probably no money, but really, she spent all of her time off. She probably works all the time. Yeah, she spent her time off getting all the ingredients and making it.

[Amanda]

Well, you're at home masturbating to some weird, weird stuff. Because you're a weirdo.

[Olivia]

The verdict. Comments. Dude, my girlfriend knows how you feel. For Valentine's Day, I made her a prime rib roast with garlic mash and baby carrots. The problem is, I didn't raise the cow, butcher it, and then prepare the roast instead. I bought it from the store and cooked it. And that's not all. I didn't grow the potatoes, the garlic, or the carrots. She got mad that I bought them too. And don't get me started about the dishes. Those came from ikea. All I did was spend two hours prepping, cooking and serving and cleaning. What a knob I am. You're the man. Someone said you're the. Oh, fun.

[Shane]

What a fun guy.

[Olivia]

Someone said you're the. And she works a little waitress job was all I needed to hear here. Someone said you're the. That's literally how you make homemade chocolate I was expecting you to say someone else had melted the chocolates and poured it. This gift would have taken, at minimum, an hour for her to make. You owe her a huge apology. Update.

[Shane]

Yes, yes. Yes.

[Olivia]

All right, so the OP posted a picture of the chocolates his girlfriend made. And you see on the subreddit chocolate, claiming that he made the chocolates for her to get an unbiased opinion.

[Shane]

Opinion.

[Olivia]

Okay. Put together.

[Shane]

What?

[Olivia]

Put together. So he. What a manipulative weirdo posted on chocolates. A subreddit saying, cool. Put together chocolates for my girl. Do they look okay? And they look fantastic.

[Amanda]

Wait, wait. Oh, my God. They're like.

[Olivia]

And there's white chocolate. There's white chocolate and regular chocolate. Holy.

[Amanda]

What do you expect?

[Shane]

Look, they look like chocolate.

[Amanda]

Have you seen a. Sorry. Sorry. Have you seen a chocolate in your life?

[Shane]

That's how they look like white glasses.

[Olivia]

Comments on that, man, why do I have to run into you twice in one day? For the record, if you had been supportive and complimentary toward your girlfriend's efforts, she might have worked up the confidence eventually to try making them from scratch. Little steps are important. I doubt she'll ever try making chocolate again. Now, someone else said, dude, what the is this? You're not making it any better. I love. I love that people followed him to the chocolate. They're like, we followed you to the chocolate land.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. This. This. This little dude is in chocolate land. Let's get him.

[Olivia]

You think you can hoodwink us on Reddit? My fedora's on so tight. My head hurts.

[Shane]

I got a headache, little dude.

[Olivia]

You're not gonna escape me.

[Shane]

Watch out, little dude. My headache and I are coming for you.

[Olivia]

Update number two, Shut up. A lot of you guys were so dramatic. I really couldn't take. I really couldn't take most of the comments seriously. I still think homemade chocolates implies that every part is homemade, but clearly most people just say homemade imprecisely, so I think it's not really her fault that she used that word in this situation. I decided to go ahead and apologize since it's clear she didn't lie, since she didn't mislead me on purpose. I also chose not to make chocolates myself because I don't care to be in the kitchen much. I hate.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Olivia]

I thought if I posted a pic of the ones she made and asked for feedback from people who actually know what they're talking. Talking about, I could get a better idea of if she actually did them right or not and how hard that might be without having to try myself. Like I said before, she doesn't even own a thermometer, so all the people saying she tempered it right based on one comment where I talk about them being crunchy were probably wrong in my opinion. The problem is that some of you are weirdos who follow people to other subs. At first people were complimenting her chocolates so I was thinking maybe I really do need to apologize for thinking she put in note no effort. But then someone posted a link and a flood of people showed up to insult them just because I said I made them. There were a lot of comments saying how it's obvious no effort was put in, they look terrible, etc. But I can't trust those since they came from a poisoned well, so to speak. I decided to just not mention that point to her since I couldn't get a clear answer on if they actually turned out well according to people who actually know about chocolate. So I text her to ask if we could talk it over and she agreed because of how dramatic the commenters were. I did start to get a little nervous, so I decided to go kind of over the top with the apology. Took her on a date to a little arts and crafts place she likes to go and I got her some food. She also apologized for running off to her sister's place and said she's going to take a little break from her for a while because apparently she said some pretty messed up things about me that upset her. I guess her sister thought she was going to dump me so she assumed my girl would laugh along with her when she made some bigoted comments and said a few other things that really hurt my girl's face feelings. Which is great in my opinion. I always got the feeling her sister never liked me and I guess I know it's now it's clear why. Anyway, I'm just glad she came home and everything settled down. Sorry to all you people, hoping she'd freak out and throw away 10 years over something as silly as candies. LOL. She may have a history with lying, as I mentioned in the comments, but she's definitely a lot more mature than you people.

[Shane]

Okay, I literally I just went to Chocolate Land and I wish I never went there. I literally can't can't with this little dude.

[Olivia]

There's a subreddit for everything.

[Shane]

He's little. One more goddamn time.

[Amanda]

So condescending. A little. A little arts and crafts like you

[Olivia]

stupid little arts and crafts.

[Amanda]

You are so belittling and you are just so yes. And you have no.

[Olivia]

Little. Little. Littlely.

[Amanda]

You have no self confidence or like, you're not. You know what? If I had a rank.

[Shane]

This.

[Olivia]

Yeah. Yes.

[Amanda]

With this person is worse.

[Olivia]

And then that other guy's ex.

[Amanda]

This person is worse.

[Olivia]

You think this guy's worse than the bride? Yes, I think they're completely different.

[Amanda]

I think this person is worse because this person will not change. And he. He's like, you guys are weirdos for following to another subreddit. I'm like, you're the weirdo who did that.

[Shane]

Well, how, when and how is she ever going to ever make anything against. For this man or sorry. This little dude. How is she. How is. How is this. How. How are they gonna make little things together ever again?

[Amanda]

You know what I think she should get. You know what? Maybe this will boost her confidence in learning how to make. She'll be an incredible chocolatier and she.

[Olivia]

She needs to move to Switzerland, learn how to make chocolate.

[Shane]

I guarantee she was like, oh, I'll just make some fun chocolates for February. That. That's it. She probably doesn't even. But he, he just. I think it's even bigger than her making these chocolates. He just literally does not respect her and doesn't see it. Doesn't see this, like, growth. How can they even grow together?

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, what if she makes a big decision and he's just like, I can't. I really, I really can't, man, I hate you.

[Amanda]

This little dude, I don't know you. I hate you.

[Olivia]

He's. He doesn't seem like he's actually sorry

[Shane]

he apologized after Reddit people.

[Amanda]

Yes.

[Shane]

He needed, he needed people from Reddit to be like, yeah, those actually look good. And him being like, oh, damn, I guess I need to apologize. People who you don't even know.

[Amanda]

That's the worst part.

[Olivia]

But it doesn't seem like he's apologizing because he feels sorry and like that

[Shane]

he wants her back, wants her to take.

[Olivia]

He's just. I'm apologizing so that I'm smoothing things over, which is so shitty.

[Amanda]

I feel so, so disappointed in people.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Because.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

How are you like this? Like, why don't you want to be a better, kinder partner?

[Shane]

They weren't given the tools. I feel like a lot of people were just. They weren't given the right tools in their toolkit to work through all of this stuff that is thrown at them. But I still think this little dude is a little.

[Olivia]

Yeah, for sure.

[Shane]

Like, I don't, I don't. I Don't appreciate this at all.

[Amanda]

Me neither.

[Shane]

And I wish that she would leave him.

[Amanda]

Me too.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But I will say the bride. Still worse. Still bad.

[Olivia]

That was pretty rough.

[Shane]

I'm sorry. Still worse.

[Olivia]

Yeah. Pretty rough.

[Amanda]

These stories make me go, wow, I'm so glad we have each other.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Amanda]

Do you know what I mean?

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I won't be making chocolates for you, you guys. But, like, I would love to try, honestly. Could you imagine? She's like, and this one is a white chocolate. It's a rose. And then this one is a star, but it looks like a starfish. And he's like, no, not to her. To the chocolate. He just, like, throws the chocolate, like. Did he try.

[Olivia]

Did you microwave this chocolate?

[Shane]

Did he try it first?

[Olivia]

Yeah. Was it not delicious? It's too bad Shaq's not gotten into cooking, cuz he can make shaquillo meals.

[Amanda]

Oh.

[Shane]

How long were you thinking about that? All right.

[Olivia]

Since we were filming Smash Mouth this morning. Wow.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Olivia]

I was hoping Shaq would come up. I have, like, a list of puns. Like, okay. In case Shaq gets brought up.

[Amanda]

Shaquille o'. Meal.

[Shane]

Here's what I learned from all these stories is have Olivia as your bodyguard.

[Olivia]

You will be fine, dude.

[Shane]

She'll take your stove and your shoes.

[Olivia]

Remind her never to piss off Olivia.

[Amanda]

No, Never piss me off.

[Olivia]

Yeah, it's.

[Amanda]

No, it's true.

[Shane]

Truly.

[Amanda]

I. Like, I'm so nice, but I can also be so mean.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Got you.

[Olivia]

No. You don't hold back.

[Shane]

No, I love it.

[Olivia]

Anyways, thank you both for joining me today.

[Shane]

Thank you. Anytime. I feel really angry.

[Amanda]

I know, I know. I wish we'd aura rings.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. Angry Shane guesses your aura ring. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could.

[Olivia]

Yeah, it lists your stats and stuff, like your stress level, your whatever. That's cool.

[Shane]

That's awesome.

[Olivia]

I get this isn't an ad read for.

[Amanda]

It's definitely not.

[Shane]

No.

[Olivia]

But anyways. Well, thanks, guys.

[Amanda]

Thank you.

[Shane]

Bye.

[Amanda]

Bye. I don't want to leave.

[Olivia]

Okay. All right. Yeah. Thanks for watching and we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye.

[Amanda]

Goodbye.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Shane]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Olivia]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Shane]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Anyways Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Olivia]

Liberty.

[Shane]

Liberty.

[Olivia]

Liberty. Our nation has always counted on us to win to fight for what better could be to secure ourselves future together we are marines.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

We were made for this the wrongs we must write the fights we must win the future we must secure together for our nation this is what's in front of us this determines humans what's next for all of us we are marines. We were made for this.