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Shane
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Angela
What? Wait, what's going on?
Shane
What if I just like, never mind.
Trevor
Oh, no, just never mind.
Shane
I was thinking about a joke of like, oh, actually, we're heading over where we're gonna do Bored AF Plot twist.
Trevor
That'd be an awesome plot twist.
Shane
That'd be.
Trevor
Not in a bad way. Like, I don't want to be here. Like, in a way that. Where. It's like that. That caught me off guard.
Angela
Yeah, it would have. If you'd committed to it. It would have been like, whoa.
Trevor
It's like how they say when we. When. When you make plans. God laughs.
Shane
That's so true. I don't think I've heard anyone say that until just now. I have. All right.
Trevor
Long twist.
Shane
Wow. I do think it's really funny. I don't think people realize with this show, like, we just got done playing Uno, a second ago. Like, we go from doing the most batshit stupid stuff and then we sit down on this couch.
Trevor
Well, you go to your star wagon.
Shane
Yeah, we go to our wagon.
Angela
I get my Fiji water. Okay.
Trevor
Just kidding. We usually sit on the same couch and we're silent for five minutes, then come back again.
Shane
Then we come over here and then we have to completely shift the gears to a different type of mindset.
Angela
Yeah. I sat on a couch and watched Tim fix a computer.
Trevor
That's sick.
Angela
For like.
Shane
That's really cool.
Angela
Yeah. And he was just fixing the computer and I was like, wow, this guy's the best.
Trevor
I trust him with my life.
Shane
Yeah. Yeah. Let's get into our first story. This comes from Am I the asshole? And this was posted recently. Am I the asshole for telling my neighbor I dated her husband? Hmm.
Trevor
Wait, say it again.
Shane
Am I the asshole for telling my neighbor I dated her husband? Okay. Letting someone know, like, hey, your husband. We dated at one point. Yeah. I, a 33 year old woman, became friendly with my neighbor, a 37 year old woman, let's call her Emily. After I helped her move a few boxes into our building while her husband, a 35 year old man, was in the hospital. I didn't meet Emily's husband until a few weeks later when she invited me over to dinner as thanks. When I first arrived, Emily's husband had run out to pick up some wine. But when he came back, I was shocked to see Matt, a guy I had gone on three dates with a year ago before he suddenly ghosted me. He had a terrible poker face and tried to pretend like he didn't recognize me. I don't play those games. I asked how long they had been married and Emily said three years. She recognized there was tension and asked if we knew each other. He said no. I said yes and told Emily that I had gone on dates with him a year ago. She became very upset and asked me to, which I did. The next day, Emily reached out and said that she didn't appreciate that I lied about when I dated her husband. He told her we had dated four years ago before they were married. I didn't even live in this city four years ago. And even if we had dated four years ago, they had been engaged at that point. Either way, he would have been cheating. I sent her screenshots of our texts from the year before and from Bumble of his profile, which. Which was still active. She never responded. But when I saw her in the lobby yesterday, she wouldn't even look me in the Eye. I don't know if they're still together and Emily hasn't responded to my texts, so am I the asshole for telling her the truth? Wow, what a situation to find yourself in.
Trevor
I'm gonna be thinking about that one for a bit because. Wow.
Shane
Yeah. The audacity. Yeah. Verdict's not the asshole. I don't think she's the asshole at all, obviously.
Trevor
No, I think this is tough.
Shane
You're trying so hard.
Trevor
What? I think it's tough. No, I think this is really tough. What do you think?
Shane
What do you think's tough?
Trevor
Trevor, what do you think? I think we'll be thinking about this for a bit.
Shane
I think this is a really. This is not an open and shut case here, you know?
Angela
Yeah, that's crazy.
Shane
We don't know what's going on.
Angela
I'd say, yeah, it's tough to say. Yeah.
Shane
We gotta cut it.
Trevor
Okay. We had to drop it. We did a little prank on you.
Shane
The first sentence that came out of.
Angela
Your mouth, I laughed.
Trevor
I was gonna do it.
Shane
I was like, really?
Trevor
It was really cool to sit in there for a second and be like, what if we gave you nothing?
Shane
Yeah. And I'm just like, okay, so cool discussion show we have here, guys.
Trevor
Been behind the curtain. Spencer and Trevor thought, were you guys.
Shane
Talking about this shit before? Yeah.
Trevor
Spencer and Trevor are like, what if you guys go up there, don't give them anything.
Angela
We just joke. We're just like, man, that's crazy.
Trevor
Okay. But honestly, jokes aside, plot twist for you right there.
Shane
Okay. Pretty good. Pretty good. You got me. Yeah, you got me.
Trevor
Cause like, what if you had a story and no one had anything to say anyway? But we do. So what's up? What sucks about this is that she's taking it out. The wife is taking it out on op.
Shane
Sure. We've seen this before in scenes.
Trevor
It's a classic where the other person in this scenario is the asshole. Seems like he cheated. But she's like, well, fuck you for telling me, right?
Shane
Yeah. And I mean, I also think it's. I don't know if it's quite there or if it's. Cause she's saying you lied. I can't believe you lied about when you guys dated. Cause my husband's now saying, we dated. You dated four years ago. The husband had already said, no. I don't know this person. And then said, no, we dated four years ago. So she knows. Yeah, but like, I think we all know we've been in situations similar where you're just like, I Do not want to allow my brain to process what's actually happening here.
Angela
Yeah, yeah. Like a lot of you then have.
Shane
To face that, and that's awful.
Trevor
But don't take it out on the person who went out on a limb.
Shane
No, but now she's doing a horrible.
Angela
Thing and it's like rejection.
Shane
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. The classics. The classic denial, deny project.
Angela
Yeah.
Trevor
Denial with a side of projection.
Angela
I'm gonna be thinking about that one.
Trevor
I really don't wanna be thinking about that.
Shane
But no, she's not the asshole. In fact, I mean, like, this is a bold person for not being afraid to just be open and upfront about it.
Trevor
Yeah, yeah. Honestly, sometimes hiding behind someone else's lie is easier. I think I've fallen for that sometimes where two friends. I see someone kind of not telling the full truth, and you're like, it's gonna be messy. If I step in there and I actually go, I am the soldier here, and I will tell you this person is lying. But it is the right thing. I don't know. It's the right thing to. I don't know. It depends. It depends on each scenario. Right. But this person was doing the right thing by telling the truth, of course, and kind of looking out for himself.
Shane
Well, you're aware of, like, hey, he's cheating on you. That's horrible. And very blatantly, like, has an active bumble account, has all this stuff going on. Active at a time of active as a posting. Yeah.
Trevor
Oh, then this is fucked up. That opinion is getting in trouble.
Shane
Yeah, exactly.
Angela
Now it is.
Shane
Cause I would say she doesn't know these people. Right. They're strangers. They could be in an open relationship. But if that's the case, if she brings this up, it should not be horrible for them to hear. Right. Maybe I'm wrong, but. So either way, bringing it up is fine and justified. When it's like, hey, this guy's cheating on you. He's pretending he doesn't know who I am. Yeah.
Trevor
It's not like she has an agenda to get with him or something. No, she's just being like, hey, I'm reporting.
Shane
We went on three dates. He ghosted me. She has no interest. Yeah.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
The wife is mad that OP is breaking her reality.
Angela
Yeah. It seems I do respect OP too. Cause like. Yeah, you don't really. It's not like she's friends with these people. It's like she helped them move in some boxes and they're just neighbors. Like, it would have been very easy for her to just like, not my problem, not my issue. Like, leave it alone.
Shane
I would say I could see a lot of people in this situation being like, oh, shit, these are my neighbors. Like, I am just gonna pretend as well. And that's what the husband probably was thinking was gonna happen.
Trevor
Yeah.
Shane
But, hey, good on her for not letting him get away with it.
Trevor
Yeah, yeah.
Shane
Comments. You told her the info she did need to hear. Now just let the pieces fall where they will. Do not engage further. Not the asshole. You were being honest. But it's best to leave her alone now. So now said, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. She has all the info she needs to make a decision. That's all you can do. OP commented saying, update. Emily just stopped by. We had a quick chat, but she let me know that she's kicked Matt out, and she thanked me for telling the truth. She also found out that I was not the only person he dated while they were married. Giving her space now, but wanted to share an update since it happened so quickly after posting. Okay, good. And shocker, plot twist, he was dating other people too. Can you believe that? Wow. Can you believe that? Dude, I can't believe that I'm gonna.
Trevor
Be thinking about that one.
Angela
Yeah, that one's gonna sit with me for a bit.
Shane
Let's think about that for a while. Update. For real.
Angela
Do I get to. Is this where you get to guess?
Shane
What do we think the plot twist is?
Trevor
And then if you guess it, you get a Yahtzee.
Shane
Yeah, you guess it, you get a Yahtzee. And we get to scare everyone in the office. Okay, we know there's a plot twist coming, so what we think is happening is probably not happening. Mm.
Trevor
Plot. The obvious plot twist is, like, you.
Angela
Know, I think obvious plot twist, they get into a relationship with each other.
Shane
Whoa, whoa.
Angela
That's like me. That's what I want. Pretty wife wants to be the happy ending plot twist.
Trevor
They move because that woman, the neighbor, wants to not think about that. And she's like, let's get out.
Angela
Okay. Happy ending, plot twist to me is that they start dating. Bad ending, plot twist to me is that OP gets in a relationship with the guy after they break up.
Trevor
Yo.
Shane
Okay. Because my gears are turning. I wouldn't normally make these types of assumptions, right? But this is plot twist. So I'm thinking, like, what's the craziest possible. I'm trying to get a Yahtzee here. What if this is absolutely. This is fictional, bonkers town. If OP moved here on Purpose to split them up? Yes, dude. This was all the plan all along.
Trevor
He's in debt, dude.
Shane
Yes.
Trevor
And also that dude stole something from a museum.
Shane
Yeah, man, I'm gonna be thinking about that.
Trevor
Okay, let's see.
Angela
Give me a one way ticket to fictional bonkers town.
Shane
Okay.
Trevor
Jesus Christ.
Shane
I love Trevor. Okay, here we go. A happy final update. Over the last few days, I've been hanging out with Emily, along with her sister and two BFFs who flew in to support her. Tuesday night, she texted me, space is overrated. Wine. And that was that. Matt confessed to everything and more, and it was all a lot worse than anyone thought. But this isn't about him anymore. We've all had some really good, sometimes difficult conversations, but it's all been very cathartic and surprisingly positive. I found myself in the company of some pretty amazing women.
Trevor
Ridiculous.
Shane
Which is why this situation has turned out the way it has. I moved to the city two years ago without knowing anyone, and it certainly wasn't an easy thing to tell someone that I'd hoped would be a friend. To be honest, it kind of felt like word vomit in the moment. And when I first posted this, I admittedly wanted validation because there was a large and loudly nagging part of me that thought I'd done the wrong thing.
Trevor
100%.
Shane
So I'm very grateful to have come through what began as a really awful situation with four awesome new friends and and far more laughs than tears. Emily, her sister and I now are planning bi weekly brunch dates. And we also discovered that we have some other friends and interests in common. This post got far more attention than I ever anticipated, so I did end up telling Emily about it. Her sister joked that we should start a podcast together and we both shouted no. So this is both the end and a new beginning of this story. Thank you all for the support and kind words for both me and Emily. We're going to be just fine. Signing off. Okay, so the plot twist is that they became friends.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
All right. Which is the best case scenario. Truly, I'm very glad I'm wrong.
Trevor
Me too. Me too. I'm glad we are too.
Shane
Yeah, we were all assuming a lot of really wild things.
Angela
I'm not counting out my first theory, though. This could still.
Shane
There's room for it to grow.
Angela
They could fall in love.
Shane
Absolutely. They could fall in love. I'm holding out hope.
Trevor
That would be the brunch, girlies.
Angela
Yeah.
Trevor
Yes.
Angela
That would be awesome.
Trevor
Bi weekly brunch sounds like an easy commitment.
Shane
Bi weekly brunch. Is. That is the ultimate best scenario that could have happened. Like, if someone threw out bi weekly brunch, I'd be like, you're thinking too positively. That's too optimistic.
Trevor
Weekly brunch?
Shane
You mean bi weekly?
Trevor
Yeah, bi weekly.
Shane
They have biweekly brunch, which I think is better than weekly brunch. Weekly brunch is too much of a concern.
Trevor
That's what I was gonna say.
Shane
Bi weekly is better.
Trevor
Honestly, I'm walking away from this story thinking a bi weekly commitment in Friends is the way to fucking go. Because a weekly commitment even DD every week. Who are you kidding? I don't know bi weekly anything. It's just like, that's what I'm doing.
Shane
You really need to start promoting bi weekly stuff. That's the jam. You know, if anybody takes anything from this podcast, it's that it's just like.
Trevor
Think about your problem right now while you're driving in the car listening to this Reddit story. And what if you made it bi weekly instead of every week?
Angela
And you know what? That's gonna stick with me. Yeah, that's gonna stick with me.
Shane
And I'm so glad they said no to a podcast. That means they're good people.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
Mm.
Trevor
People who start podcasts, I hate them.
Shane
Podcasts are bad. And people who host them even worse.
Angela
Yeah, it's true. You've been saying that.
Shane
I've been saying that in my mirror.
Trevor
In my mirror.
Shane
So that was a happy plot twist. We're just getting our toes a little dipped in. But don't worry, it's gonna get worse. Yay.
Trevor
Like it always does here.
Shane
It always does here.
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Shane
Today's Reddit stories is brought to you by zocdoc. Have you ever woken up with a weird symptom like a tight pain in your neck and then immediately gone to Google or TikTok to see what's wrong and you get like a bunch of different answers back. Look, we've all gone down that rabbit hole, but it's time to get the help and care you really need with ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and and click to instantly book an appointment. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, are a good fit for any medical need you may have, and are highly rated by verified patients. And once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. I had been delaying going to the doctor for a long time and Zocdoc was all I needed to finally book an appointment. They made it too easy for me to ignore any longer. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com PitReddit to find and instantly book a top rated Doctor today. That's z o c-o c.com PittReddit ZocDoc.com PittReddit Back to the show. Okay, our next story comes from relationships and this was posted in 2014. Wow, 20 years ago.
Angela
I was 14 years old when this was happening.
Shane
That's too much for me to handle.
Trevor
Okay, does that make you 25 right now?
Angela
Yeah, 25.
Trevor
That's fucking crazy.
Angela
Yeah, my fault. Really sucked the air out of the.
Trevor
Room with that one.
Angela
That's the quietest it's ever been in here.
Trevor
Honestly, we were all just doing math.
Shane
We were all thinking really hard. Okay, this is a 22 year old woman, me with my boyfriend who's 24 of 3 years. He found out that his ex is engaged and literally won't stop crying. Oh.
Trevor
Oh God.
Shane
Oh boy.
Angela
Yeah, that's not a good look.
Shane
I 22 year old woman met my boyfriend who's 24, three years ago through some mutual friends. He was pretty guarded and I was the one that pursued him. We were long distance. I was living in Oregon, he was living in Washington until I moved in with him last year. My boyfriend has only had one other relationship and a hookup before me. He stopped talking to the hookup a long time ago because she was crazy. But he kept in touch with his ex until she cut contact with him around two years ago. They dated when he was 15 and it lasted for around two years. And then she dumped him because he had no self respect. Apparently, she's the reason why my boyfriend is so guarded now. I'll admit that I was really jealous of her and was glad when she cut contact with him because she's beautiful and my boyfriend talked about her as if she had all of life's anger. This past January, I woke up in the middle of the night and I heard my boyfriend crying quietly. I could tell that he was looking at his phone, and I wasn't sure whether or not to say anything since I wasn't sure if he just wanted a private moment or not. After a while, he got up to go to the bathroom, so I took a peek at his phone. He was on Facebook looking at his ex's profile. She had gotten engaged and there were pictures of the ring and everything. It's been two months now, and my boyfriend has been breaking down out of nowhere. I keep asking him to talk to me about it, but he won't. I told him to talk to a therapist, and he got really insulted and said that he doesn't believe in therapy.
Trevor
Sick dude.
Shane
I'm unsure of what to do since this happens at least twice a week. I love him, but he's always seemed a bit distant to me. And obviously this woman is the reason why. Should I contact her and ask her if she has any insight? I'm starting to think that she must have said something to upset him like this because he didn't seem that bothered when his ex was dating other people. Oh. Oh, man. It was like, turbo, loser behavior. Turbo, loser.
Angela
I'm sorry, dude.
Shane
Turbo. I'm just kidding.
Angela
That's crazy. So he's 25. He's broke up when he was 17.
Shane
He's 24. I think she wrote two different ages.
Angela
Okay.
Shane
No, he's 24. So seven years ago, they broke up, dude, and she got engaged, and he's crying multiple times a week for two months. For two months. And when she says, you should talk to a therapist, he says, I don't believe in therapy. Now you can pick one of those reasons to break up. But she's.
Trevor
It's either she's a.
Shane
Like, I guess. I don't know. My head's going a million places, like, as I'm piecing this together, and I'm like, you know, your emotions you can't control, but there's a lot you can. But also, if you're feeling that much emotion over this and you're clocking that your partner's feeling that much emotion over it, it's like, hey, this is very serious.
Trevor
Yeah. I mean it goes back to like, you can't regulate someone's emotional response to something and be like, you need to calm down or something. Especially if it's. But it also is like there is a little bit of like, is this a trigger? Is this bigger than what this is? Like, this is bigger. Like, is the ghost in the room with us now? You know what I mean? This is tapping into something that's a bigger problem under the hood.
Shane
And there's other hints she's thrown out here. Like, yeah, she's beautiful. And he's always talked about her as if she had all of life's answers.
Trevor
All the answers?
Shane
Yeah. Like, hey man, this is a lot of red flags here. Yeah, I think they've been together around three years. He cut off contact with his ex around two years ago. She cut off contact with him so he had no self respect.
Angela
He was in regular contact with his ex for a year while they were dating. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shane
This is a whole lot comments. No, don't contact her. Her job is finished. If her ex still has problems with their relationship, that's his issue. Now. You, missy, do not play Ms. Fix it here. You can't fix the fact that your boyfriend is actually still in love with another woman. You can be the most perfect woman on earth, but while he still has her as his dream woman, you don't have a shit show. Honestly. And as hard as this may be, I'd talk to him about it again and then if there is no resolution, I'd consider moving on. You deserve someone who thinks you are the best woman on earth, not some distant ex from his high school years. Op left a long response saying, thank you for your reply. I was insecure about my boyfriend's relationship with his ex from the start. They didn't talk that often, but they'd catch up once every few months through Skype or something. She lives on the east coast and when Hurricane Sandy hit, he called her, texted her and messaged her on Skype despite her having cut off contact with him prior to that. I didn't even know that he still had her phone number. Is this relationship hopeless? I knew that he still had a bit of a thing for her, but I didn't know the extent of it until now. If he can't move on after all this time, I don't understand why he got into a relationship with me.
Angela
Yeah, no, this is. This seems like a pretty clear cut case of him having a relationship during his formative years that ending him wanting it back and not being over it and then being with someone else. Because he needs to feel validated but not having let go.
Trevor
Yep. This doesn't also necessarily mean he's still in love with her. It could just be that, like, he did not process losing her. Especially, like, honestly, I'm glad we went back and did the math on the age thing. Because there is something about your first. Like when you're 17 or something, like your first love and it's sticking. Like, I don't know, I've had people I've dated, like, get engaged. But I did see the guy, my first ever boyfriend, get engaged. And I remember just being like, why did that bring me back to when I was, like, young? Because it brings you back to that age. And then you're like, no, I'm in my 30s. I'm an adult. I don't know this person anymore. But it brings you back to early college or something or high school when you romanticize that stuff.
Shane
That's why it's not like, I'm not knocking the guy for the emotions he's feeling.
Trevor
No, you're not.
Shane
But he's also refusing to talk to her. And that's the bigger problem.
Trevor
We're knocking, like, the dissociation of it, the denial. Not being honest with himself and his partner.
Shane
Cause if he's not communicating to her, she has to then deal with the mystery of where it's coming from. Cause it might be coming from somewhere like that, where's like, oh, no, it's more of a personal identity thing. Or it's like, not reckoning with my past as opposed to I'm not over my ex now. I'll point to now. All signs right now are pointing to he's not over his ex. To me, at least.
Trevor
No, it is. It is. I was just saying that, like, the fact that it's coming out at random times.
Shane
Yeah, it's interesting.
Trevor
This could be so many things. And what sucks is he's not at the wheel here. He's not really dealing with it.
Shane
Yeah, right. Also, OP did mention that she pursued him. He did not pursue her. She pursued him. So maybe he wasn't. I mean, he clearly wasn't ready. Other comments? Not to knock high school relationships, but this guy was 15 and they only dated for two years. It's been, what, six years since they broke up? I think your boyfriend just doesn't have that much experience to realize that that relationship wasn't as profound or meaningful as he believes it to be. Apparently, he's been putting her on this pedestal this entire time, which is not healthy. Maybe he should see someone about this because it can definitely put a hold on his life. I went through this same thing. It took me a stupid amount of time to really get over my high. And looking back now, I can't figure out why I had created this perfect love story in my head when it was nothing of the sort. That's really interesting. See, I didn't have to deal with that. Cause I didn't date anyone until I was in my twenties. So. You know what? Why don't you try being a huge fucking loser as a teenager? Yeah, that's.
Trevor
Try being obsessed with Shakespeare and going to church. It worked for me.
Shane
Hey, why don't you play Final Fantasy? Okay.
Angela
Yeah. Dude, I had so many girlfriends, so I don't really relate to you guys, and that's okay.
Shane
Sounds really hard to be young and hard to reckon with.
Trevor
Yeah. Okay. I'm dying to know what happened.
Shane
So this comment said, like, have him talk to someone. He's said he does not believe in therapy. Last comment. I would end it. I realize that you've been dating for three years, but this kind of reaction is off the scale. It's pathetic, and it's completely disrespectful to you. I can't see how you can move past it. Had she died then, of course, one could understand this. But if he's this brokenhearted over some girl he dated in his fucking teens. They broke up seven years ago, for fuck's sake. Then you should not be in a relationship with him. I guess it's six years ago. But he was talking to his ex until two years ago when she cut off contact. So he clearly, like, maintained a relationship of some sort and was not allowing that space to happen.
Trevor
Yeah, this is full of landmines here.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
Update.
Trevor
Yeah.
Shane
What do we think the plot twist is?
Trevor
Ooh.
Shane
Cause we got a plot twist. So right now it's just like, oh, he's not over his ex. That's the obvious answer. Was he dating his ex? Off and on. Like, was that. But she's now married, so I don't.
Trevor
What's the worst thing that could happen?
Angela
That's what my brain is like. Okay, if this is a plot, if we're talking, like, crazy plot twist, what's the craziest thing that could happen?
Shane
I'm worried that he's obsessed with his ex and she's gonna find a bunch of evidence that he is, like, not over her emotionally, but he's also, like, maybe just really putting in a lot of work, keeping tabs on her and trying to contact her. She's already like, I didn't know he still had her number. He tried to contact her a bunch after she'd already cut him off, which is a huge red flag.
Trevor
Or maybe he's. Yeah, maybe he stalks her.
Shane
That's. I mean, truly. Already she's like, I'm cutting you out of my life. And he's still trying to contact her.
Trevor
And you're on Facebook in the middle of the night. First off. Oh, 2014 Facebook. Cause I was like, first of all, yeah, come on.
Shane
But, like, this is someone who cut you out of your life, and he is literally searching her up and everything. I don't know. I don't know where this is going.
Angela
Yeah. My crazy prediction for the craziest plot twist. He, she's engaged. He finds out she's engaged. He goes to the wedding to try and break it up. That's the crazy plot twist I want.
Shane
Okay.
Trevor
Or plot twist. They are in love.
Shane
She ends up with.
Trevor
And he was crying because it's real love, dude, and it sucks. And he was an asshole along the way, but he's in love with that girl, and that girl is in love with him. Dude, that would suck.
Shane
Crazy. That would really suck. Dude.
Angela
Dude, that would sit with me for a while.
Trevor
Yeah. Okay.
Shane
Okay. The update.
Trevor
Yeah, let's go.
Shane
First sentence. It's over, I think.
Angela
Okay, good.
Shane
I called my dad and asked him to help me move back home. These last two days have been really emotional. My boyfriend was gone all day yesterday. He was gone when I woke up. That's fine. I assumed he went to work early, but he still wasn't home when I went to bed. I texted him once when I woke up to say good morning, and twice at night, One asking if he was coming home for dinner and another asking if he was all right. I also tried calling his cell, but he didn't pick up. I thought that I deserved some answers, so I decided to snoop. Something that I've done once before when I was feeling insecure about his relationship with his ex. Well, on his laptop, hidden in a bunch of subfolders, was an Ms. Document with his ex's name.
Trevor
Ms. Document.
Shane
Microsoft document.
Trevor
Loser.
Angela
Nerd. Cut that.
Trevor
We're gonna cut that. Cut that. Okay. Microsoft.
Shane
I read it, and I'm assuming that he just saved the last conversation that he had with her right before she cut contact with him. It started out normally, but then he asked how her relationship with her now fiance boyfriend was going. She said that it was Good. And that she was happy. And then it got weird because he said something like, really? Are you sure? She said yes and said that was a weird question. And he said, I don't know. I don't believe that you're that happy. I don't remember everything exactly because my head was spinning. But he basically told her that her fiance, then boyfriend, will never treat her as well as he did, and that they've known each other X number of years and managed to stay friends after their breakup, that they've helped each other grow as people and that she should really give him another chance. He said that he's waited for her all these years and that he loves her and always believed they'd wind up together. This was all while he was with me. She called him an asshole and told him that he had a lot of balls to say that to her. When she told him a long time ago that they're only ever going to be friends and that he's an even bigger asshole for doing this while they were both in relationships. She told him to go to hell and to break up with me for my sake, because I deserve better. That's not even the worst part. No. My boyfriend woke me up this morning by calling my cell and telling me to come to the kitchen. He said that he made breakfast. So I went to the kitchen, getting ready for a fight. He and I never fight, but I am so goddamned hurt. And he made what honestly looked like an amazing breakfast with a ring box in the middle of the table.
Trevor
Get your pancake out.
Shane
Get your pancakes out. He told me to open it. I did. He said something like, these last three years with me has been an adventure.
Trevor
And he hopes, what an adventure.
Shane
He hopes to keep making new adventures with me. I guess around this time, I snapped out of whatever haze I'd been in and I exploded. I demanded to know where he was all day yesterday, why he wouldn't contact me, why he's been crying over his ex for the last three months, everything. He got mad at me for being mad. He told me that I should be happy because he was proposing and wasn't that what I wanted? I asked him why when it's so obvious that he'd rather be with his ex. He told me that she's obviously moved on, so it's time for him to move on, too. That's how everyone wants to be proposed to. Yeah.
Angela
Look, dude, I swear. Yesterday I finally got over my ex and let's get married next time we get married.
Shane
I've never been so Angry in my life. I've been so incredibly patient with this man and done my best to be understanding of his situation. I've literally given him all that I had. But I'm not going to get married to him just to be his consolation prize. It's so ironic because had he proposed four plus months earlier, I would have been ecstatic. Now it just broke our relationship. So, yeah, I called my dad crying and he's on his way to help me move back in with him and my mom. That's it. I'm a wreck. But I think it's just because everything wrong and twisted in this relationship is hitting me and it took so long for me to understand. And my ex is just sitting on the couch with his laptop. Thank you guys so much for helping me see how unfair this whole relationship was. I read every one of your comments, even if I didn't get a chance to respond to them all.
Angela
Oh my God.
Trevor
Oh, that blows. Yeah.
Angela
Honestly though, thank God it did end with her getting out of that relationship. Yeah, like, that is so, so tough.
Trevor
There's like a wire that's connected to a different wire for this guy or something because it's like, oh, no, I got caught. Go double down and buy a ring. Like, it's like, yeah.
Angela
And while I agree that I think therapy doesn't work. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. No, this guy, like, he needs like, like he needs bi weekly, semi weekly. He needs the twice a week therapy.
Shane
Yeah.
Trevor
This is wild to like just double down and just. And go the other way. And I bet he was so, like, affected by seeing her truly move on. Also, it bugs me when, like, in these stories you hear someone finally understand a woman's moved on when there's a ring on her finger. That doesn't mean she doesn't belong to you anymore. You know what I mean, buddy?
Shane
She was clearly moved on when she fucking cut you out of her life.
Trevor
Yeah, like, oh, now she's really off the table.
Shane
Oh my God.
Trevor
Because her dowry's now spent. What the fuck? Something made him go, oh, now she's really not available to me. So let me lock down this one here.
Shane
He has no respect for women because, I mean, he's talking to this ex, being like, no, I'm right for you. And she's being like, no, I'm telling you flat out this. And he's going, no, not in.
Trevor
Okay, here's my question.
Shane
But then he's also disrespecting his current partner so damn much. And I mean, this Is, like, often the most infuriating part of, like, cheating is the cheating itself, but it's the insult to your intelligence. And it's like he comes back with a ring, and he's just like, yeah, and it's gonna be all right. He truly believed that was gonna work.
Trevor
Yeah. Okay, here's my question. You're the girl who's engaged, booked, and blessed. Okay.
Shane
Yeah.
Trevor
And you're seeing him text you this stuff, or DM you this stuff, or Facebook message you this stuff, and you see he's clearly, like, social media, like, connected to this. He's still dating somebody. Do you slide into her DMs and tell her?
Shane
I think I do. Especially after reading all of these. I do think if you have the opportunity to tell someone that they're being cheated on, you should take that opportunity.
Trevor
I think I do.
Shane
It's hard. And look, there's so many stories where, like, it blows back at you. Like the previous one, we just run.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
But, like, it's hard to just. Especially having I've been cheated on. And it's like, it sucks. It's just like. But, like, if, you know, if you have definitive proof.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
It's just like, dude, like, give it to him, because they might get mad at you. They might deny it, but, like, internally, they're gonna know now.
Trevor
Yeah.
Shane
And you could save them a lot of years. She was gonna get married to him. It's like, man, I'll get you out of this hole before you dig it further, 100%. I think the ex was probably honestly a little, like, worried about this guy. Like, she cut him out of her life, because I think she was probably starting to get like, hey, you are not letting this go. I do not feel safe talking to him.
Trevor
It's a little parasocial almost, where he's like, acted like, these seven years they've been together or something, and she's like, no, I'm engaged to someone else. And this shouldn't rock you to your core because we haven't been together in seven years.
Shane
Yeah.
Angela
And he's like. The way he said he was like, I believe. I truly believe that we would end up together. It's like, if that was your belief, then why are you in another relationship? Like, what is the purpose if you really had that belief in your heart? Are you just doing it for fun? It's obvious that he has a lot of issues.
Shane
I can't imagine. I know this happens to so many people. I can't imagine the mindset that he knows deep down that he's not over his ex before and still. And he's gonna propose and get married to this person. I'm like, you wanna do that? Like, I don't understand that mindset. I don't understand the mindset of proposing to someone when you're not like, this is for sure what I want out of life. He is so clearly communicating to OP that he's settling with her. I mean, it's blatant. These are the moves of an untherapized person. Right. There is no emotional intelligence to any decision he's making.
Trevor
This is me jumping. But I almost think if he did go back, if that girl, his old love or whatever, did give him space, I almost think he's idealizing her so much.
Shane
Absolutely.
Trevor
He won't even. He doesn't even know, like, women are just like kind of placeholders a little bit. And there's like a bigger issue. Oh, yeah. And that it wouldn't even, like, he'd be let down and he'd be like, oh my God, you're not everything I built you up to be.
Shane
Oh, absolutely.
Angela
I feel like he just disappeared for a day to go, like, I don't know, walk around a park and like, consider his options and be like, God, it really doesn't seem like she's engaged. Like, maybe I should go get a ring and lock this down before she realizes he's like, I feel like there had to have been some like, self reflection. Like, I've been crying over her. I need to propose right now. Cause she'll say yes and then like, yeah, I'll have this lockdown. Like, settling for.
Shane
He so clearly had no respect for his girlfriend, like, at all. And she realized that and that's.
Trevor
That sucks.
Shane
That's so infuriating. But like, I'm so glad she has self respect for herself. And yeah, our producers threw out an interesting of, like, what if he's trying to get engaged to make his ex jealous to be like, oh, I'm over you.
Trevor
Oh, God, that could have been so Check it out. True.
Shane
That actually makes a lot of sense. Yeah, I mean, we don't know, but it makes a lot of sense. Oh, that's crazy.
Trevor
Oh, I actually think that might be it.
Angela
That's sad.
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Shane
Might be yeah, it's probably the first.
Trevor
Time we ever made a breakfast.
Shane
It probably is.
Trevor
Probably had to google how to make an egg.
Shane
Okay, our next story comes from Am I overreacting?
Angela
Oof.
Shane
Yeah, am I overreacting. I went on a date and saw my wife calling on his car Bluetooth. Ooh ooh o okay. I, a 28 year old woman went on a date with a guy who's 30. We met up, ate breakfast and hit the road because it's a long drive. Everything was going well. We were listening to music and just vibing. And then he got a phone call. He was driving so his phone was connected to Bluetooth and I could see who was calling. The caller ID said my wife and my stomach dropped. We had been dating talking for seven months and nothing he did gave any signs of him being married. He didn't pick up and let it go to voicemail. My mood instantly shifts and he asks what's wrong. I told him I saw who called and that he needed to call them back immediately. He was going on about how it was his brother and I called BS because I saw clear as day that it said my wife. He goes on his phone and shows me his recent calls and it says Big Bro at the time the call came through. The thing is that when the call came through initially and he let it go to voicemail, I was staring at it in disbelief and then I looked away because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It's possible that he changed the contact name really quickly. I told him again to call the number and he doesn't show me. But he does call someone and I can hear a male voice on the line. He hangs up and insists he doesn't have a wife and he doesn't know how that happened, et cetera. We get to our destination and I try to put it past me but I can't let it go. If he had refused to show me his phone at all, I would have ubered home. We end up leaving earlier than planned and he keeps Trying to explain himself, but I can't forget the image of my wife calling. I told him I needed some space to think about what happened. Am I overreacting or is this a messed up prank? Oh, man. Whoa.
Angela
This is so.
Shane
Oh, man. I would be messed up. I would be so messed up if I saw that and it's just like, no, take a look. And I saw brother. I'd be like, I'm losing my mind now. My brain immediately goes to. He switched the contact name really quickly.
Trevor
Yeah.
Angela
The simple solution is to, like, if the big brother is at the top of the call, click that and call us back.
Trevor
Can I see the text with the phone call?
Shane
And he didn't. He said, I think he. I think they explained. He calls, but she didn't see.
Trevor
Oh, yeah. Cause I think if I'm in that position and he's proving himself to me, then I'm gonna be as lawyered up as I want and be like, show it off to me. Let's end this right now. Like, don't just show me one thing. Let's go through it all.
Shane
Let's set the phone.
Trevor
Let's just do it, and then we'll be done.
Shane
Mm. Yeah. They've been dating for seven months.
Angela
And it is. Cause, like, if he doesn't have anything to hide, if it truly is, like, a joke or whatever, like, if it is some weird bug in, like, the car Bluetooth, it's very simple to just be like, oh, I call it, and it's his brother. But he didn't do that. So then it's like, yeah, why didn't you.
Shane
He is truly, like, trying to completely, like, alter reality here. Comments? Why? And how would it be a prank? Have you been to his house? Out with his friends? Some people do put sarcastic nicknames for certain people in their contacts, but switching up the contact name would have most likely taken some effort that you would have noticed if you were still sitting next to him. You were right to take some time to yourself. Trust your gut. Someone else said, I will add to this. As a married man, I have never saved my wife's contact. As my wife. Yeah, my married friends don't either. It's either her name or a pet name or wife or wife. Yeah, my wife. My wife feels like a Borat thing.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
I'm not saying it's not possible. Just very odd. Lastly, someone said, could it be that he had a missed call from big bro just before he picked you up and he erased that call from the log? Oh, yeah, I heard that too. He erased.
Trevor
He didn't change the contact. The call goes to voicemail. He opens recent calls, deletes that call.
Shane
Yeah, I didn't think about that. That's probably easier to do really quickly.
Trevor
And then calls his brother and goes, here's my brother.
Angela
Yeah. I mean, I got a few suspicious contacts in my phone that are just my friends.
Shane
Sure.
Angela
Like, it's just my buddy Nick, you know?
Shane
Yeah.
Trevor
But everyone in my phone is first name, their name, second name, how I know them. So you're Shane Smosh. You're Trevor Smosh.
Angela
Dude, that's awesome.
Shane
Dude. You're Angela Smosh.
Trevor
I am.
Shane
I do that. I do that. Cause there's a lot of people here, and I'm like, I need to clarify that this is the person.
Trevor
Yeah.
Shane
If I'm cheating, it doesn't help that we have a lot of people with the same names even here.
Trevor
Oh, for sure. Like, if I'm cheating on someone, I'm gonna go real wife, secret girlfriend, Right? Yeah. Like I'm gonna say, like, I'm gonna be specific.
Shane
Exactly.
Trevor
Like my wife, devil eyes. Or like my wife 2. My wife 3.
Shane
No, it's not great. When I'm driving plug. He sees better plug on my thing. And I'm like, hey, look, don't worry about it, man. Just kidding. I don't do drugs. Wife's boyfriend. Wife's boyfriend. Imagine if she saw that. Wife's boyfriend. My wife's boyfriend. She's like, hold on. Several layers.
Trevor
Is the deal still on?
Shane
No, that's my wife's boyfriend who's my plug. Don't worry about it. Okay, update.
Trevor
Oh, God.
Shane
So the simple. The most simple plot twist is that he manipulated his phone, is gaslighting her. There could be other possibilities. Maybe they did go into a new reality. Maybe when they were driving, when he got the call from my wife, they were in another dimension, and they traveled in their long distance. Traveling. They drove through some sort of wormhole and they went to a new dimension where that's just his big brother and he's not cheating on her.
Trevor
Yes. Or. Or she was overreacting so much.
Shane
Yeah.
Trevor
That it. That it altered her judgment.
Angela
Okay.
Shane
I think maybe this is her fault.
Trevor
And so her wife was looked like brother.
Shane
Maybe this is her fault and everything in the world is her fault.
Trevor
And that seems like what a lot of commenters will say. But I'm here for the truth.
Angela
Stay with me here. Stay with me. This guy has a friend. At one point, he was driving with this friend, and his friend connected his phone To Bluetooth to play music. They happened to pass each other driving opposite ways at the exact time that his friend got a call from his wife, who he has in his phone is my wife. And it auto connected to his car's Bluetooth, and that showed up. And the call was actually not even in the car.
Trevor
Okay, I have another one.
Shane
Okay, let's go. Let's run it.
Trevor
Him and his buddies, his bros. Actually, no, this doesn't even. Him and his buddies, his bros, they're out in an arcade and they're asking for a certain amount of coins so they could play a game. And the man goes, are these for your wife? He goes, I know, it's my brother. It's so funny, man. You being my wife, I'm gonna put me in your vault as my wife.
Shane
I like that.
Angela
That's good. I like the arcade setting.
Shane
Yes.
Trevor
Yeah, that was a little Easter egg for you guys.
Angela
And that's gonna stick with me.
Trevor
Cause I know you love games. Okay, so let's see it.
Shane
All right, here we go.
Trevor
Let's hear it.
Shane
After my post, I listened to my gut and took a step back. I told my ex that I couldn't look at him the same after that trip and needed space. He kept reaching out with long messages declaring his love, but never actually explained how the My wife mix up happened. I took Reddit's advice and did some digging. He's not on social media, but I found him on True people search. Turns out he really isn't married, which I already suspected. I've dated enough to know when someone's hiding something big, and this didn't feel like that. So I called and asked for the truth. He put Big Bro on the phone who tried to claim the car had somehow saved his contacts. And that's why I saw my wife calling. Total bullshit. When I called it out, Big Bro left the call and I got into another argument with my ex. I told him I was done and thought that was it wrong. He kept sending long messages asking to see me and would keep calling, which I ignored until he finally said he'd tell me the truth. At that point, that's all I wanted because I knew what I saw and felt like I was being gaslit. So I called y' all. It was a test. There's no wife, no girlfriend, no significant other. He admitted to making it up because I had already been pulling away before all this, and he wanted to see if I really cared. He was crying, saying he didn't mean for it to go this far. Honestly, at this Point. I felt relieved. I had started to doubt myself, and I was right to trust my instincts. But that didn't change anything. I ended things again. And of course, he went right back to the long winded messages, so I blocked him. It's over. I'm done. Moral of the story, Always trust your gut to answer some questions. No, I've never been to his house because I only do that if I see something going somewhere. Make of that what you will. This isn't the first time he's tested me, so I already had doubts. Yes, I've met big bro before, but we weren't close. Turns out he was in on it the whole time. No, this isn't fake. Oh, sorry. I don't know what the test. The test was.
Trevor
The test.
Shane
The test was to just see if she cared.
Trevor
So he felt her pulling away, so he made up a fictional wife to see if he could get her pulled in. I don't understand.
Shane
Look, I don't. People can date however they want. They can go about relationships however they want. She's. They're unofficial after seven months, but he's been testing her in these seven months, too. I'd be like, dude, you have the patience of a saint. I would be. I'd be out seven months. No, because she's literally writing X, like, with a question mark. She's like, we weren't actually. Boyfriend. Girlfriend.
Trevor
I cannot think of one instance, and maybe it's because I'm thinking really quickly and we're at the end of this shoot day. When testing your partner is good, it's never worked out when you're like, let me set you up and then rate you based off of the results.
Shane
If you don't have trust to just have a conversation and trust that they're telling you the truth, then I don't know where you go from there. Like, testing, it's just never gonna work. It establishes you don't have trust for that person. And as we've learned from so many Reddit stories, people who test their partners, they're never satisfied. Yes, they always have to, then test them again.
Trevor
But also, that's such a weird power dynamic. That's like manipulation. That's like, oh, totally. There's nothing healthy about being like, let me test you.
Angela
I don't know. I feel like the fake wife who's actually my brother playing was pretty airtight. I'm surprised it didn't work out.
Shane
Really?
Angela
Surprised it didn't work out.
Shane
Yeah. I was gonna say. You know what? I'm glad you said that. I agree. Okay.
Trevor
So, big bro, I'm gonna change your name to wife in my phone, and then you're gonna call, and then we gotta lock the door. That was cringe.
Shane
The guy I'm dating, Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Trevor
That's. It's such a weird way to ask if everything's okay.
Angela
It's so clearly just, like, a matter of him being like, hey, we've been dating for seven months and I know we haven't really, like, decided, like, this is serious, and I'm just curious, like, where it's going. Like, I'd love to know, like, your thoughts.
Trevor
Yeah.
Shane
Or like, how simple.
Angela
Like, is that not just.
Shane
No, you can't do that. Math, the easiest thing to do. You can't do that, Matt. You gotta test them.
Angela
It's so insane. That's the test. The test is just asking them, hey, are you, like, into this?
Trevor
Yeah, like, I wanna be closer, so I'm gonna actually put more shit in between us. Like, what are you. What are you talking about? Wow, I got a Scott laugh.
Shane
All right, we're gonna move on to our last story, which I know is gonna sound shocking. That's our last story, but this one is a doozy. This is gonna be a ride.
Angela
He said it's a doozy. Copy.
Shane
Okay. This comes from relationship advice. I. A 27 year old woman made a stupid joke to my husband, who's 30, and he stormed off. How do I fix this? Hey, Reddit. I'm an Instagram snooper, so this is my first time here. I honestly never expected to post here because my husband, who's 30, and I have a great relationship. Of course, I can't say we haven't had our occasional bumps, but it's honestly a dream come true all the way through. Our wedding was April 2021, and we both cried like babies that day. And since then, the sailing has been smoother than soap. It's 2022 as of posting this, so it's November of 2022. So they've been married for about a year and a half now.
Trevor
Okay.
Shane
This afternoon, he and I came home after a little lunch outing with our newly engaged friends, Kai and Marie. It went great, but was like just another outing. Nothing special, though. We got some bomb pasta back home, which I'm currently shoveling into my gob since it's too chilly for ice cream. We live in a super tiny apartment and so he showered first while I got the leftovers into the fridge and stuff. I went in after him, finished my Shower and and put some lotion on my palm. I accidentally squeezed too much and dabbed some of it away. After I rubbed it on my face, I still had some of the leftover on my finger, and I did exactly what any perfectly sane person would do on my thumb. I whipped up a little smiley face and some spiky hair to create Lotion Man. I came out of the bathroom giggling about it and said something along the lines of, hey, look, it's Lotion Man. He didn't really react. He just looked at my hand and blinked at me. I honestly was just goofing around and started making a silly voice and saying some random shit sprinkled with some inside jokes. I was blabbing for about a minute before he just up and left. I was, of course, completely oblivious as he grabbed some of his shit and I just was smiling and asking where he was going in a kind of playful way. He has a huge truck, and we just returned from a trip, so he has enough stuff to last him weeks. So it didn't really dawn on me that he was leaving leaving until he drove away. Honestly, feel like Boo Boo the Fool for making such a stupid joke and then letting him leave just like that. You guys know Boo Boo the Fool? Yeah, of the jester in the chair. Oh, Boo Boo the Fool is the jester in the chair. Did not know that. Thank you for having that knowledge.
Trevor
I don't think that Boo Boo the Fool is a jester in a chair.
Shane
Plot twist. Boo Boo the Fool is a jester in a chair. Okay, so she shows him Lotion man goes, look, it's Lotion man. And he leaves. And, like, fully leaves.
Angela
Dude, here's the thing is, I've done some bits so bad that Raven has walked out of the room, so I get it.
Shane
Maybe she just bombed. That bad. I texted him a few times, and he's just said that he's thinking about things and that he's at his brother Tyler's place. I've been texting him nonstop, but he hasn't been responding or even reading any of it. He also sleeps really early, so I doubt I can get in contact with him anytime soon. His brother isn't responsive either, so I'm just leaving my phone on the nightstand and holding my breath. I don't think it's really dawned on me yet. I stared blankly at the door for, like, 10 minutes before I got off my ass and actually tried contacting him. I've been with this man for years, and I'm always cracking cheesy jokes. I feel stupid and like shit for making Lotion man and continuing after no response. Instead of just shutting up and accepting that I'm unfunny at the same time, I'm just confused. He's never been at this point, even in our rougher patches, the worst we've done is just take breaks from sex or just talk to one another a little less. I wasn't planning on getting into my sex life, but honestly, I'm just rambling at this point. I'm all for giving him space, but I can't say I'm not hurt he's just leaving and the process of divorce is just so. Ugh. I don't even wanna think about this anymore. Was making Lotion man as big of a mistake as I think it was? Any advice on getting him back home? Thanks Reddit. Also, any cute subreddit suggestions would be appreciated since it's my first time on Reddit and I wanna distract myself. Dude. Guys, this is Lotion Man.
Angela
Dude, that's Lotion Man.
Shane
That's lotion. That's awesome. Yeah Comments here There's something big missing to this story because ain't no way it's over the soap thing. Someone else said, I guess I'm missing something important. What was it about the Lotion man that he got mad enough to leave? Someone said. That's a pretty extreme reaction and it sounds like you didn't do anything wrong. You should perhaps stop texting, see what he says tomorrow. You need to find out why this caused this reaction and he should be the one apologizing to you. With a $5 meal deal with new McValue, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink and a four piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Prices of Participation may vary. McDouble meal $6 in some markets for a limited time only.
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Trevor
I feel so bad for Lotion ma' am. Yeah, for her and Lotion. Okay. Okay. So I'm thinking that he was feeling like things weren't working out, but for him for that to be what snapped it like, that sucks so bad.
Angela
That's devastating.
Trevor
For someone to have. I don't know. I don't think I would do a Lotion man, like, joke, but I do think anything. Nothing's off the table. So for someone to use a moment of failure like Lotion man and use that to be like, I'm leaving you is the worst thing to hear.
Angela
Yeah. I've made jokes far worse than Lotion Man. Just, like, bad. Not, like bad, but, like, they're just not good.
Shane
Yeah.
Angela
And, God, yeah. That would be devastating if I just told a really bad throwaway joke and it was like, well, that's it. You're done.
Trevor
Like, what? Yeah, and this is. It's loaded for us because, like, sometimes I feel like our ability to make jokes kind of is your employment. And, like, what if you did a tntl bit and then you just saw, like, somebody in the back go. And it did, and it was so bad. Like, I do Queen of Molt. And then I see someone come back here, and they go. And then you walk in the back and they're like, it's not gonna work.
Shane
That would be.
Angela
I would never.
Trevor
That's what this feels like to me.
Angela
I would never tell a joke again. I would never.
Trevor
She's probably so. So rock to her core.
Shane
I think what we're not considering is what if Lotion man killed his father when he was a child? What if Lotion man is like. You know, he's like, hey, you know my history with lotion.
Trevor
You're so fucking right. What if Lotion Man. That image specifically looks a lot like her ex, who she's not over.
Shane
Ah, her ex. Her ex Lotion Man.
Trevor
What is her ex Lotion? And he's like, yeah, no, no.
Angela
If you had something, you should go. Mine wasn't good.
Trevor
No, go.
Angela
Okay.
Trevor
It's a safe space. No one will leave you if what you're about to say is bad.
Angela
No, I was gonna say, what if Lotion Man? She left out that she used Lotion man to tell him that she'd been cheating on him. And it was like, she just let that part out of the story. She's like, oh, yeah, I actually. Well, I used Lotion man as a.
Shane
Little puppet to be like, well, she's like, I didn't say that. Lotion man said that.
Angela
Lotion man said it. Yeah, I can't. I'm so. I have no clue what the plot twist could be.
Trevor
I hope. I really hope it's not that he wasn't being honest for a long time and was hiding the fact that he wasn't into this and then used that moment and really just slapped her in the face when she was giggling. You know what I mean? Like, I really hope this has a cool plot twist and not a heartbreaking one.
Shane
Yeah, I hope so too. Let's find out. Cause we have an update. Hey, Reddit again. I posted here earlier about how my husband left after I told him a dumb joke. You can find it here. I followed the advice I got and kept my distance. You all had me really pondering about how much of my relationship was the butterflies and kittens I thought it was. I still firmly believe that everything was absolutely perfect before it happened. But, oh, well, I have my opinions. So you guys are right about some things and wrong about some things. For those of you saying that the lotion thing had nothing to do with it, you were kind of wrong. But for the people who said something happened during the lunch outing, you were right on the money. My husband came back the other day, he apologized and said he was ready to talk to me. I obliged. I tried my best not to be all over him, but quite frankly, I miss this man so damn much. He's my husband, after all. I think I figured out what it is.
Trevor
What is it?
Shane
I think I figured out. I think I figured out what it is. I think Lotion man was so endearing and so cute that he had cheated on her. And he was just like, I can't do this. Like, this is such a sweet and precious moment.
Trevor
Has to be it.
Shane
No, wait.
Trevor
This is the smartest you've ever looked to me. No, no, that's brilliant. That's a brilliant analyzation. That isn't a bad. That isn't a diss. That's me going, that's brilliant.
Shane
I'm also sitting here wondering if I've read this story before and I don't remember it.
Trevor
No, you'd remember lotion, dude.
Shane
That makes sense. I would remember lotion. We've had so many dude, we've had so many types of people on Reddit stories.
Trevor
Like she brings up.
Shane
Lotion man is one of the catalog.
Trevor
Of people she goes, look at Lotion Man. And he's like, I've been stealing money from you for years. You know what I mean? Like something dark. And Lotion man was like the most innocent thing. I think you're so right, dude.
Shane
No. Cause that's what I think of what would break someone. If you cheat on the person you love and then a moment of just pure sweetness. That would be the moment that you're just like, I can't believe I've done this.
Trevor
Yeah, I've been cheating on you for four years.
Shane
Oh, I'm gonna throw up. So that's my prediction. My husband came back the other day. He apologized and said he was ready to talk to me. I obliged. I tried my best not to be all over him, but quite frankly, I miss this man so damn much. He's my husband after all. He told me the following. I mentioned previously that we went out with our two newlywed friends, Kai and Marie. Kai is a 30 year old man, Marie is a 29 year old woman.
Trevor
Does Kai look like Lotion Man?
Shane
We did have some quality time with all four of us, but often one or more people were missing from the table considering it was a fusion buffet and the food was amazing. Apparently at some point my husband and Marie grabbed some food together. Or maybe before we left, since I know I was talking to just Kai for a while before they appeared and we got into the car. Whatever it was, they were alone together. Marie, the fiance, told my husband that when Kai proposed, she realized she was in love with him, my husband. But she accepted Kai's proposal and tried to put her feelings to rest by organizing a lunch out. Though apparently she was charmed or some bullshit because she asked him to run away with her or something, I don't know. But she wanted him to leave me and be with her. Now Marie is honestly gorgeous, which I hate to say because I'm so pissed off with her. She's the typical blonde, blue eyed, skinny pageant girl who looks kind of like Emma Watson. I'm not. My husband gently turned her down and wished her all the best. But he says he had her on his mind for a while. We were all college friends, so we know one another very well. And when I showed him Lotion man, it all essentially exploded inside him. I had a hair towel and some shitty old clothes on and I was giggling over a stupid thing. And apparently my immaturity ticked him off. He suddenly got cold feet about our relationship and left for his brother's place. He eventually came back and said he loved me. All over again. I was frozen in shock and asked some questions before asking him to sleep on the couch. At least for that night he did, and it didn't really help me sleep. I can't believe that he was considering throwing away all of our relationship for a crush. The more I think about it, the less I can look him in the eye. We went to Thanksgiving lunch together with some of his family and some close friends and we spent last night together, so I think he thinks he's in the clear. I can't lie and say I'm not considering. Just forgiving and forgetting, though. He comes home from work about six hours from now, and I don't know what to do next. I have off today. I'm a teacher and so I'm considering either one, contacting Kai and telling him about what his fiance is up to. My husband begged me not to, as Marie was apparently making a spontaneous mistake. Two, contacting Marie and chewing her out for trying to fuck up my relationship or having a civil conversation less tempting, but it's whatever. Three, contacting Tyler, his brother, and asking if he left the house at some point. Tyler's house is very close to Marie's place and I'm very worried about that, though I doubt I'll get anything out of him. For all of the above, any advice or well wishes because I'm not in a great place right now would be appreciated.
Angela
Dude, that is.
Shane
That's soul crushing. That is awful.
Angela
As someone who genuinely like hearing this story, like, lotion man is some shit that I would do, like, I can't, I can't.
Trevor
Which way would you do it?
Angela
Like, make a little lotion guy.
Trevor
Oh, yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. I feel. Yes. I thought you were saying the other guy.
Shane
No.
Angela
Like, I do so much dumb stuff like that. Like, I can't. I really do. I can't over exaggerate the amount of terrible, dumb, stupid jokes that I make at home with Raven. And if I made a dumb joke like that that I thought was like, that's so funny, like, silly, stupid, and she. And that was how she responded. I would never. That's like, I would never joke again. Like, that would genuinely crush my soul.
Trevor
What a bad, bad time for him to hurt her feelings.
Shane
It's just like, dude, you got up and left out of nowhere with no explanation, and you left for a while, right? And you come back and this is your explanation. Like, this is your wife. Like, this. This is someone. You're breaking all the trust here.
Trevor
I mean, it's like, we talk about it all the time where it's like, no matter what, people have to take care of themselves in a relationship. You do have to, like, go with you. You can't be with someone if you're not happy. Right. But the way you go about telling your partner or not telling them or the way you communicate is what makes you a good person or a bad person. You know what I mean? I mean, that's what makes, like, you falling out of love with someone. That doesn't make you, like, immediately the asshole, the way you did that. Like, if you had the, like, care and, like, just forefront of thought to be like, let me think about this. How can I communicate this? How can I be responsible for my wife in this time when this is, like, really messy.
Shane
Yeah. Cause this is. It's the classic thing of, like, that I say all the time of, like, the love aspect is one thing. It's the respect thing. He's disrespecting her.
Trevor
That's what I meant to say. Thank you. Yes.
Shane
So much. He's disrespecting her nonstop here because, yeah, your feelings, love, that can be a roller coaster for people.
Trevor
Yeah.
Shane
But respect is a choice, and he made a lot of choices here that were very disrespectful to her. We now go back to what we were talking about earlier of. She knows that Marie confessed her love for her husband, and here's Kai over here that she's talking to.
Trevor
Mid buffet is weird to me.
Angela
Yeah, Mid buffet is crazy.
Shane
Confessing your love at a buffet.
Trevor
But, like, mid, like, when you get up, like, I was just at a buffet for Easter brunch with my family, and it's always like. It's always like someone's, like, guarding the boat a little. And you're like, you go out. Yeah, I'll stay here. I'll eat the table. And then someone comes back. And then you kind of all eat at different shifts, and people go back for seconds to be like, let's go to the salad bar. I'm obsessed with you. I'm in love with you. And then go back like, Meg picking.
Angela
Up a lobster roll, putting it on your plate, and then just go back.
Shane
And like, I've been in love with you all these years. Grab some Jello. Yeah.
Angela
Did you want some of this, by the way?
Shane
I'm in love with you.
Trevor
Let's keep this conversation maybe a minute tops, and let's head back. Like, what?
Shane
It's. Fuck, yeah.
Angela
No, that's. And it is. It's so disrespectful. Like, that is not the way that you handle, like, just leaving and not saying a word is so awful. Like, if you are having those thoughts, take a second to process and be like, hey, I wanna sit down with you and tell you this thing that happened at lunch.
Trevor
Or if you're not even ready to talk about that specific part. Just never leaving your partner high and dry without any explanation and quite literally abandoning your person.
Shane
Yeah. And it's like you abandoned her is already a lot.
Trevor
Yeah.
Shane
You come back and go, the reason I abandoned you is cause this person confessed their love for me. And I was thinking about it. It's like, okay, we're done.
Angela
Yeah.
Trevor
It's like when you fight or flight that instinct to leave her when there's some issues.
Shane
Yeah. Oh, so that's where you were leaning. You were leaning towards that.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
Now I'm supposed to feel confident in us forever.
Angela
And I totally understand, like, if there's a moment where you have a lot of emotions, like, I totally get needing to be alone.
Shane
Yes.
Trevor
No, I get that too.
Angela
Needing to, like, take a step.
Shane
But you need to tell. Yeah, you tell them that before you disappear 100%.
Angela
It's like, just send him a text. Like, literally, even if he walked out and sent a text and was like, hey, I have some things going on mentally right now. I just need to sit for a second and we can talk. Don't stress too much. I just need to sit. That's great, that's fine. But yeah, to just walk out, get in your truck, drive, no explanation, and.
Shane
Yeah.
Angela
Then just come back and be like, God, yeah. Well, I was thinking about someone else that said that they loved me is the worst thing that you can do to a person after they show you lotion, man.
Shane
Update number two, regardless of what happens in this next plot twist, the friend group is dead.
Trevor
We're not going to fusion buffets anymore. No, no, we're doing one on ones. I don't know with who.
Shane
We're doing one on ones. We're doing bi weekly one on ones. Yes.
Trevor
Oh, God, I'm scared.
Shane
I don't know what can happen from here on out. A lot of you had some really interesting theories, lol. And surprisingly, most of them were somewhat right. The majority ruled that I should do all three. Confront Kai, Marie, husband, and Tyler. Not necessarily in that order. And so I had to get smart with it since a lot of you guys told me that any of them could twist the story had they known there was an outside influence. Before I begin. Yes. The full story is wacky and honestly doesn't make that much sense. I'm honestly just piecing it together via context clues, and I do have some questions left unanswered. When my husband came home, we had a conversation. He essentially said the same story as before, and he told me he was open to my marriage counseling suggestion. I gave him a big hug and did the laundry. Usually we split the laundry. Plus I had been giving him a light cold shoulder. So I indirectly forgave him. In his eyes at least. We haven't really set boundaries with our phones, like we know each other's passwords and everything, but he would definitely get suspicious if I was just scrolling around on it. So instead, I agreed to meet up with Kai first. A lot of you guys were concerned that he would tell Marie and everything would implode, but Kai is a big gym nut and I've been wanting to go recently. So I said it as casually as possible, using it as an excuse. He agreed. The next morning, I met with Kai. I sat down with him and told him all I know. Yes, I cried like a baby. Originally, Kai was rigid and tried to kindly poke holes in what I was saying with a few gotcha questions before he too broke down. Marie didn't tell him a word. That was a big red flag on its own. I then went to Marie with Kai. A few Redditors told me to be as discreet as possible. And so as a suggestion said, I just blurted to her that I know everything. She played dumb at first and then eventually broke. You all were right. Marie trying to settle her crush was a bullshit story. My husband was the one who approached her.
Trevor
Absolute.
Shane
Absolutely.
Trevor
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Shane
There it is. She told me that he asked her before she sealed it with Kai if she wanted to have a night with him and another woman. Here's the kicker. Marie said yes.
Trevor
And she's alive too. No, I'm kidding.
Shane
Oh, no. So he.
Trevor
He casually pitched a threesome while on a buffet date. Double date. And he was at the lamb chop section of the buffet. And he said, fuck me and two other women that are not here with us at the buffet.
Shane
But wait, I hate to say it, but that's not all. Apparently, Marie has been cheating on Kai for a while with men and women. And my husband has also been cheating frequently. They covered for each other and occasionally met up.
Trevor
Oh, the friend group is destroyed.
Shane
Guys, I don't know if this friend group's gonna make it.
Trevor
Yeah, the band is breaking up at the last moment.
Shane
She declined because she wanted to be Loyal to Kai now that they were engaged, as if she wasn't cheating for the majority of the relationship. And my husband got all pissed off for a while before saying he's just locked up in his apartment now. Cumie showing him lotion man. He snaps and gets out of there. Kai and Marie are both arguing in tears and red at the face. I told them sorry that I butted into their relationship and that I'll handle my husband myself. She's like, see you later, dude.
Trevor
I can't get over this man. Like having all these, like crazy threesomes. And then his wife does lotion man.
Shane
She's like, hey, threesome, you, me, lotion man.
Advertiser
No.
Trevor
He sees that and he's like, my God.
Shane
I found Tyler before the sunset. He told me yes, his brother stopped by, but only around 11pm he left at around 8. So those three hours went fuck all. Tyler told me that he was angry and didn't tell him anything. I then tell him some context, just the lotion man. And he says that maybe he was driving around for a while. It doesn't sound like my husband to drive his relief, but I'm willing to look into it since the future was already looking pretty fucking bleak. I went home. I Googled something on my husband's phone instead. I was just checking if any of them had contacted him. Nothing, thankfully. I would have gone into more depth, but that would have to wait. Instead, I tried to keep him busy for the duration of the day. Remember how I said he goes to sleep really early? Well, that worked in my favor. Took his phone that night while he was snoring his ass off. Ran into a million dead ends. I knew I was missing something, but I just couldn't find it. Finally, I opened his hidden photos. Kaboom. His story explodes to pieces. What did I find? Nudes. Nudes. More nudes. Even more nudes. All of one girl. Not me. Shocker. But not Marie either. I don't recognize her. Let's call her Alison. She's absolutely gorgeous. Red hair, hourglass figure, you name it. I'm obviously broken. I traced her back to a contact. I feel sick. There it is. An affair. He's been contacting her since February. Days before I surprised him with the Valentine's thing that I had been using up my paychecks for and thinking I was the luckiest woman alive. It fucking sucks. I can't even read more. But I toughed through it. Then I found it. November 3rd. Two days after the last nude. She's pissed off she found out he Was married all along. She was in love with him. I would feel bad for her, but she didn't even bother trying to contact me out of love. Hubby has a genius idea. He told Allison that he'll bring his wife over to a hotel to show that his wife doesn't care about the affair. Sound familiar? So I assume when Marie canceled, there was nothing he could do. He became whiny and begged her to come. He told Alison that there was an inconvenience and they'd meet up another day. Then the lotion man, he got pissed off at me and left. I don't know what he did after that, but whatever it was, he wasn't with either of them. Then he went to Tyler's place, slept it off, and came back afterward. I'll spare you the details, but I couldn't even pretend to like him anymore. After I found that out. I brought Kai and Marie over the next morning. He started fucking blubbering and tried to deny it all before eventually admitting he was into redheads. Marie is actually strawberry blonde. Allison is very ginger. And it was the one desire of his I couldn't fulfill. Even I could see past.
Trevor
I'm. You're gonna have to stop, Tim.
Angela
He's like, fine, you got me. I'm into redheads.
Trevor
He's like, I'm sorry, it's just the last thing on my book.
Shane
Even I couldn't see past his bullshit, saying that he loved only me and that being with Alison Marie only made him love me more. I just said, fuck it and pack my stuff. He got more desperate. But even I, the girl who was honestly infatuated with him, knew it was over. He technically owns the apartment, so I had to leave. Now I'm staying with Kai. I feel for him too. His wife was his world. We were hugging and crying for a while, ranting about God knows what. Just trying to get ourselves together. To be honest, he tried to lighten the mood by making lunch and it was really nice. He's a wonderful cook.
Trevor
By making lotion.
Shane
By making lotion, man. I showed him the other two posts and he got a kick out of some of your comments. Ha ha. As far as I know, my soon to be ex husband is with Marie. For now. I don't care about either of them. And honestly, it's kind of therapeutic. Just having some kind of closure and not walking on eggshells like I have been for the past few days. Kai and I are going to the gym tomorrow to do some relaxing yoga and hopefully figure out what we've both taken off from work, I'm sorting out my finances and hopefully I should get the ball rolling to finally legally split for my husband and be able to call him my ex. I'm still so, so frazzled. I have at least half a dozen pictures of him and me on my desk and our wedding picture is my lock screen on pretty much all of my devices. I know my students will notice his sudden disappearance from my life and I'll have to tell them that the guy I've been raving about for the past forever is divorcing me. I'll have to tell all my family and friends. Kai is my rock in this whole thing and will eventually have to part ways, which hurts me because he's honestly my number one support system in all of this. Living arrangements, actual divorce costs, law stuff. Yuck therapy. Sigh. I still have to go through it all. I can't believe I thought this relationship was perfect. It's really therapeutic to just write this all down. I'll be coming back for more advice someday though. Just now I've seen all. Yes, all of your sweet words and I'll continue lurking around for a long time, but this should be my final update for now. Thank you again, Reddit from me and Kai. Update number three, condensed for time. Cause we're running out of time here. OP got a divorce and is now in a happy relationship.
Angela
Yay.
Shane
That is the final update. So she did. She was able to.
Trevor
Thank God.
Shane
Get out of that. Thank God. You know what's still one of the most interesting things to me about cheating is how cheaters oddly build up resentment for their partners. Right? It's so. It's such a weird thing.
Trevor
Cause that's their obstacle in front of their other.
Shane
It's such a weird like thing. I've read some about it, but I still don't understand it. Where that resentment comes from. It's interesting. So that's clearly what happened. He just was mad at her for lotion.
Trevor
Man, when you're that deep in a psychosis, that's telling yourself that what you're doing isn't wrong. This person is annoying because they're in the way. Like, I think you have to be kind of so deep in not logic to be upset with that person.
Shane
To sit there and tell these people, well, I'm into redheads.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
And think that you're gonna get through this fine. Yeah.
Angela
That's the craziest response ever. Like the admission of guilt. For him to just be like, I'm into redheads. Like, she's like, oh, it's beyond parody.
Shane
It's no. So many levels of this is so disrespectful. That is like, he planned a whole thing of, I'm gonna get Marie to come to pretend to be my wife.
Trevor
It's like literally like Mrs. Doubtfire, like, fuckboy edition or something where he's like, I'm gonna do both. I'm gonna run between the restaurants and like, hehe. And get all the redhead pussy I want. Fucking loser.
Shane
Jesus.
Trevor
Sorry.
Shane
Woo.
Angela
It's so sad too.
Shane
Plot twists.
Trevor
Oh, I feel so bad for her, but I'm happy she, like, it sounds like she took care of herself. I'm happy she didn't have to do it alone. She had Kai. Yeah.
Shane
And you know, how does lotion man.
Trevor
Where does he sit?
Shane
Where does he sit in all this? No, he does. Honestly.
Angela
Where's lotion woman?
Trevor
I was gonna say I'm a little.
Shane
Suspicious of Lotion man.
Angela
Yeah.
Shane
I'll be honest.
Trevor
Like, show us your phone, lotion man.
Shane
Yeah.
Trevor
Hey, if there's nothing to hide, let's just show your phone. Open your phone.
Shane
Show us your phone.
Trevor
Just open your phone. If there's nothing to hide. I just want to talk to him.
Shane
Show us your foam, lotion man. Dumbest joke ever said.
Angela
Next to lotion man.
Shane
Next to lotion Man. Thank you both for being here. This was. This was wild. I'm sorry.
Trevor
No, I'm sorry. I feel as if I screamed a little bit.
Shane
No, no, no. That was Angela. What?
Trevor
Yeah, you scream and we're sorry about that prank.
Shane
It's okay. It really hurt.
Angela
It's a really good prank that we executed perfectly.
Trevor
She's gonna be not disappointed at all. Yeah.
Shane
Yeah. Not whatsoever.
Angela
Literally coming in here like, it's gonna be so funny.
Trevor
I actually like it for the Reddit listener that, like, for one episode, at the top of the episode, you just hear people go, yeah. Wow. I couldn't imagine. It's a weird episode.
Shane
Oh, man. And whatever Reddit stories. Okay, thank you both for being here. Thank you for watching and let us know what other themes and subreddits you'd like to see on the show. And we will see you next Saturday. Bye.
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Podcast Title: Smosh Reads Reddit Stories
Host/Author: Smosh
Episode: Can You Guess The Plot Twist? | Reading Reddit Stories
Release Date: May 31, 2025
In the episode titled "Can You Guess The Plot Twist? | Reading Reddit Stories," host Shayne Topp leads his usual energetic discussion with guests Angela and Trevor. The episode is themed around unexpected plot twists, promising listeners a series of Reddit stories that will keep them guessing until the very end.
Timestamp: [02:00] - [06:04]
Summary: The episode kicks off with Shayne introducing the first Reddit story from the "Am I the Asshole?" subreddit. The story involves a 33-year-old woman who confronts her neighbor Emily about having dated Emily's husband, Matt. The narrative explores themes of honesty, betrayal, and the complexities of neighborly relationships.
Notable Discussion:
Plot Twist Reveal: At [05:45], Shayne and Trevor reveal that the initial discussion was a prank meant to test their guests' reactions. This unexpected twist shifts the tone of the episode, showcasing the hosts' playful nature and setting the stage for genuine stories to follow.
Timestamp: [03:11] - [15:02]
Summary: Following the prank, the hosts delve into a real Reddit story from "Am I the Asshole?" about a 22-year-old woman struggling with her boyfriend's unresolved feelings for his ex-girlfriend. The boyfriend, a 24-year-old, has been exhibiting emotional instability since his ex got engaged.
Notable Discussion:
Insights: The discussion highlights the importance of emotional readiness in relationships and the challenges of dealing with a partner who hasn't fully moved past a previous relationship. The hosts advocate for honesty and self-worth, suggesting that staying in such a relationship could lead to further emotional harm.
Timestamp: [40:02] - [58:17]
Summary: The next story comes from the "Am I Overreacting?" subreddit, involving a 28-year-old woman who suspects her date is married after seeing "My wife" appear on his car Bluetooth caller ID. Despite his explanations that it was a mix-up with his brother's contact information, her trust is shattered.
Notable Discussion:
Insights: This story underscores the significance of honesty and the red flags that arise when a partner shows signs of deceit. The hosts discuss the complexities of trust and the importance of addressing suspicions directly to avoid further emotional distress.
Timestamp: [52:04] - [81:02]
Summary: The final story revolves around a 27-year-old woman who accidentally offends her husband with a joke, leading to an unexpected and heartbreaking breakup. She grapples with understanding his sudden departure and seeks advice on how to mend the relationship.
Notable Discussion:
Plot Twist Reveal and Resolution: As the story progresses, the host narrates the wife's discovery of her husband's infidelity through hidden photos, leading to a complete breakdown of trust. The wife confronts her husband and uncovers his multiple affairs, resulting in a divorce and newfound independence.
Notable Conclusion:
Throughout the episode "Can You Guess The Plot Twist? | Reading Reddit Stories," hosts Shayne, Angela, and Trevor skillfully navigate through a series of emotionally charged Reddit stories, interspersed with humor and unexpected twists. From orchestrating a prank to dissecting genuine relationship dilemmas, the episode offers a blend of entertainment and insightful commentary. Notable quotes and dynamic discussions enrich the narrative, providing listeners with both laughter and valuable takeaways on honesty, trust, and self-respect in relationships.
Notable Quotes:
Disclaimer: The above summary is based on the provided transcript and aims to encapsulate the key points, discussions, insights, and conclusions from the podcast episode "Can You Guess The Plot Twist? | Reading Reddit Stories" by Smosh.