Cheat Codes Won't Help You Here | Reading Reddit Stories

Summary

Smosh Reads Reddit Stories

Cheat Codes Won't Help You Here | Reading Reddit Stories

Release Date: November 22, 2025
Host: Shane Topp
Guests: Courtney, Trevor
Theme: Video Games

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Episode Overview

This episode of “Smosh Reads Reddit Stories” centers around the chaos, comedy, and camaraderie inspired by video games. Host Shane Topp, with guests Courtney and Trevor, dive into a curated lineup of Reddit’s wildest gaming-related stories and “Am I the Asshole?” posts. With a blend of personal anecdotes and sharp-witted commentary, the trio explores topics like parental woes over The Sims, console-buying horror shows, gamer gatekeeping, and more—all with that signature Smosh irreverence.

“Video games: source of a lot of drama, apparently, as we're gonna find out.” – Shane [01:29]

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Major Discussion Points

1. Video Games in the Family (The Sims as the “Violent” Game?)

[02:22 – 11:44]

• Reddit Post Summary:
  A father asks Reddit if he’s in the wrong for letting his 12-year-old daughter keep playing The Sims, despite his wife’s concerns over its “violence” (the daughter gets creative with dungeon-exes and simulated child labor).
• Key Reactions:
  • Courtney finds parental double standards, noting that the parents seem less worried about their sons playing Fortnite and fighting games:
    “They’re hyper fixating on what she's playing… It’s giving a little bit of like oh well, boys will be boys.” – Shane [04:38]
  • The group explores the creativity (and darkness) of sandbox games, sharing memories of launching Sims into space in Rollercoaster Tycoon: “You build a beautiful house and a beautiful family. It’s like, okay, well, I’ve done it. I guess I gotta lock someone in the basement or put someone in a pool and take a lap.” – Courtney [07:32]
  • Consensus: It’s not the game—it’s a chance to teach empathy and show interest in your kid’s weird sense of humor.
  • Notable Quote:
    “The Sims is just modern Barbies. Kids are going to explore the violent and strange bits… It’s how children learn empathy.” – Reddit Comment, recited by Shane [10:13]

Best Moment:

• Shane’s perspective on safety:
  “I would not be as concerned with the video games someone's playing as, frankly, what YouTubers they're watching, what advice they're getting from online communities.” [08:35]

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2. Horror Story: Used PS2 Infested with Cockroaches

[12:22 – 22:22]

• Reddit Post Summary:
  A user buys a used PS2 from Letgo and, upon trying to fix its disc-read error, discovers it's full of cockroaches.
• Key Reactions:
  • Genuine disgust, humor, and horror from all three, as the post details the user's panic upon realizing “some of the rust is moving”: “Oh, son of a bitch. Those are fuck mothering cockroaches.” – Reddit Post Read by Shane [17:12]
  • Comparison to the “Raiders of the Lost Ark” snake scene.
  • The group discusses the risk of buying consoles secondhand—and that PS4s are notoriously prone to similar infestation.
  • Notable Quote:
    “Bugs hate Xbox.” – Shane [21:05]

Best Moment:

• Trevor’s dry observation:
  “Their little feet were like plugging into the motherboard. Hello. Playing video games.” [20:10]

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3. Gatekeeping Gamers: Animal Crossing vs. “Real” Games

[22:36 – 39:30]

• Reddit Post Summary:
  Poster asks if they’re the asshole for calling their friends “fake gamers” after refusing to buy Animal Crossing and mocking their “casual” tastes.
• Key Reactions:
  • Immediate roasting of the OP’s elitist attitude. “You're a professional asshole. You're a casual asshole.” – Courtney [26:13]
  • Group debunks the hardcore/casual divide, noting any game can be played at any level of intensity. “Gaming is literally what you make it… Calling them casual, they're like, I don't feel casual about it. I feel very passionate about my island on Animal Crossing.” – Courtney [26:15]
  • Emphasis on inclusivity and enjoying games however you want—a throughline for the episode.
  • Notable Quote:
    “Any type of game makes you a gamer. My grandpa played so much solitaire… Ultra gamer.” – Shane [39:12]

Best Moment:

• Courtney’s Drag Race comparison:
  “You cannot judge or determine whether someone else's drag is drag or not. That is their passion. They're passionate about it.” [26:15]

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4. Red Dead Redemption 2: ‘I Sent Tit Pics for an Arthur Morgan Impression’

[39:32 – 41:41]

• Reddit Confession:
  A Redditor confesses to sending nudes to someone who did a “cute Arthur Morgan impression.”
• Group’s reaction is playful disbelief, riffing on the idea of video game voices and Tumblr-esque thirst posts.
• Notable Quote:
  “If the TB didn’t kill him enough, the titty flash definitely did.” – Reddit Comment Read by Shane [41:38]

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5. Parenting Challenge: ‘Beat Ocarina of Time and I’ll Buy You a Switch’

[41:43 – 53:15]

• Reddit Post Summary:
  A dad promises to pay for the rest of his son's Nintendo Switch if the 10-year-old can beat Ocarina of Time solo.
• Key Reactions:
  • The cast agrees it’s a wholesome challenge, not vicarious living. “There’s just absolutely nothing wrong with, like, as a parent, being like, hey, I love this thing, and we're gonna do this thing together.” – Shane [51:02]
  • The group shares memories of childhood games and passing down gaming culture.
  • The comedic highlight is bemoaning the infamous Water Temple:
    “Not the asshole, except for one part: the Water Temple. That bit makes you the asshole.” – Reddit Comment [50:13]

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6. Red Flag! Demanding a Stardew Valley Divorce

[53:33 – 58:34]

• Reddit AITA:
  A 26-year-old man admits to demanding his 19-year-old girlfriend divorce her in-game Stardew Valley husband.
• Key Reactions:
  • Immediate horror at the real-life age gap and possessiveness.
    “You are the asshole because you're a pedophile. Unfortunately, my friend's okay with the pedophilia. Not okay with the Stardew Valley marriage.” – Shane [57:01]
  • Group makes jokes about who in Stardew is the “best” husband, poking fun at the ridiculousness of policing simulated relationships.

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7. Classic Family Drama: Dad Accidentally Punches Stripper in GTA

[59:00 – 66:01]

• Reddit Post Summary:
  After sneaking play sessions of San Andreas, the Redditor describes the chain reaction when their dad accidentally punches a stripper while confronting his sons, resulting in a tearful plea to God and a months-long console ban.
• Key Reactions:
  • The hosts lose it at the melodramatic retelling, especially the “single tear” detail. “My dad bends down, disconnects the PlayStation, walks back to the family computers, disconnects it, goes to his car and drives away. For the next four months, he kept the PS2 and PC locked in his office at work.” – Shane quoting Reddit [61:37]
  • Poignant closing discussion: The episode ends with reflections on brothers, family, and the emotional weight of shared gaming experiences.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On gaming and empathy:
  "It’s how children learn empathy and explore and learn the realities of humanity… The Sims and Barbie are healthy outlets for kids." – Reddit comment, read by Shane [10:13]
• On gamer gatekeeping:
  "You're a professional asshole. You're a casual asshole." – Courtney [26:13]
• On gatekeeping and passion:
  "Gaming is literally what you make it. And so saying you're not a real gamer is like saying, like, you're not a real person." – Courtney [26:15]
• On the cockroach PS2:
  "Oh, son of a bitch. Those are fuck mothering cockroaches." – Reddit post, read by Shane [17:12]
• On Stardew Valley relationship drama:
  "He feels threatened, which means… probably either… Elliot or Ellie…" – Shane [55:47]
• On the GTA disaster:
  "My dad bends down, disconnects the PlayStation, walks back to the family computers, disconnects it, goes to his car and drives away." – Shane reading Reddit post [61:37]

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Funniest/Memorable Moments

• Shane reading the cockroach PS2 story with mounting horror [17:12-18:30].
• The “Sims is modern Barbies” child psychology discussion [10:00-11:23].
• Group dunking on the Animal Crossing gatekeeper and riffing on casual vs. hardcore games [24:15-27:52].
• Stardew Valley divorce ridiculousness and age gap roasting [53:33-58:34].
• The emotional retelling of the GTA dad confrontation, culminating in the “single tear” and months-long PlayStation ban [61:01-61:53].

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Sims “violence” and parental double standards: 02:22 – 11:44
• PS2 cockroach horror story: 12:22 – 22:22
• Animal Crossing gatekeeping: 22:36 – 39:30
• Arthur Morgan impression and “tit pics” confession: 39:32 – 41:41
• The Ocarina of Time Switch challenge: 41:43 – 53:15
• Stardew Valley in-game marriage drama: 53:33 – 58:34
• GTA dad/stripper/family fallout: 59:00 – 66:01
• Wrap-up and outro: 66:17 – End

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Final Thoughts

This episode blends the best of Reddit’s gaming drama with Smosh’s signature warmth and wild improv. Besides the laughs, there are genuine insights on parenting, nostalgia, and why gatekeeping only ruins the joy of gaming. Whether it’s grisly tales of console infestations, the chaos of couch co-op, or the legacy of family gaming, “Cheat Codes Won’t Help You Here” is a hilarious ode to the strange, silly power of video games to connect us all.

Later, gamers!

Transcript

[A]

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday. Because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day. Yeah. Give it a [e-mail] Save upfront payment.

[B]

Of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of network spizzy. Taxes and fees extra.

[A]

See mintmobile.com hi, welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is video games or gaming as a whole, probably, but video games. And I'm joined by two gamers, Courtney and Trevor.

[B]

Yay.

[C]

We're gamers.

[B]

Such gamers.

[A]

Yeah. You know, it's kind of ironic that we're here doing a video game themed Reddit stories. Today in 15 minutes, Hades two releases. But I'm stuck here with you dumbasses.

[B]

You're in every video today.

[A]

Yeah, I can't play Hades 2 today.

[B]

I could go home after this. And I don't even like Hades 2. Just kidding. I love watching it. Yeah, I download it, I beat it, I break it.

[A]

What the hell, dude?

[B]

Credit stories.

[A]

It's fine. I'm gonna be playing it for years to come. I didn't actually play Hades one for like months after it was released, so I didn't discover it till later on.

[B]

So I loved watching you play it.

[A]

I can wait. I'm patient. Anyways, video games, source of a lot of drama, apparently, as we're gonna find out.

[B]

Those violent video games bring out violent emotions.

[C]

I've had a lot of very highly tense emotional situations that have arisen because of video games.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So it's real already?

[A]

Yeah, it is real. All right, let's hop in.

[B]

Shane, this is a gaming episode. I think we can find something a little bit more appropriate than the iPad.

[C]

There's no way.

[A]

What's happening?

[B]

What's happening? Oh, my God. Elite frog. He's gonna be. He's gonna be playing on a leap frog.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's a Steam deck.

[B]

You're able to read on a Steam deck.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Wait, that's so funny.

[A]

We have the Reddit stories pulled up on a Steam deck.

[B]

Let's see what it looks like. Oh, my God, Emily. That's incredible.

[A]

Here we go, our first story. This comes from. Am I the asshole? It was posted about a year ago, August of 2020. 4. Would I be the asshole if I let my daughter continue playing a violent video game? Okay, I, a 39 year old man, have a daughter who's 12 who has recently started playing a violent video game. The violent video game in question is the Sims. She has given me tours of her dungeons where she keeps her Sims exes, her child labor workforce and comple love stories.

[C]

Dude. Awesome. 12 year old.

[A]

Wait till someone informs them like the game is not inherently. I hate to inform you, your daughter's the violent one now. I don't really find anything wrong with this. Okay, let's backpedal here a little bit, man. Sure it's a bit cruel to lock her Sims up, but I just think she's being a kid. It's only become a problem now because of my wife who's 38.

[B]

She.

[A]

She wants to stop our daughter from playing because she thinks the game is too violent. But I'm just confused by this because we haven't typically stopped our kids from playing violent video games before. Our youngest, a nine year old boy, plays Fortnite and tried indoctrinating me into the game. Our 15 year old son plays fighting games too, mainly of superheroes. So I don't really see the problem with the simulation compared to the shooting and fighting games our sons play. So I'm wondering if I would be the asshole if I just let my daughter continue playing it, even if my wife has concerns. And am I the asshole?

[B]

That is so funny.

[C]

Yeah, you've introduced actually a really interesting thing. Cause I think that maybe in this case Sims is more quote unquote violent. Like you have games like Fortnite, but you're like cartoon characters running around shooting guns and like superhero fighting games is superheroes. But if you take a sandbox game and you're like act. And you're using it in a way like that, it's like, I guess it's more violent. I don't think it's a problem though. I think it's hilarious. But it's such an interesting line to walk where I'm like, wait, I think it's more.

[A]

I mean my takeaway is for one, based on the story I am getting the read based on what we have is that the parents are not being as scrutinizing of what the sons are playing as what their daughters are.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

I know, they're like oh well. It's giving a little bit of like oh well, boys will be boys. Whereas they're hyper fixating on what she's playing. It's how she's playing the game though.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Sims is not inherently violent at all. Unless you add the custom stuff.

[A]

Yeah. Unless you've got the violent upgrade. Violence, sexual, all of the things, but go on.

[B]

Just the fact that it's not a violent game. And sometimes even the creators of that game will put in little notes or things where it's like, good job, you killed your sim really fast. Hope you're proud of what you did in our game. But I think it's a lesson. You gotta just teach your child empathy then and be like, hey, do you realize what you're doing? Yeah, but it's not the game that's the problem. Teach your child something.

[A]

It feels like an opportunity to show interest in your child's interest and to be like, hey, oh, what you're doing in the game. What if we tried doing this in the game and you play it with her and be like, hey, there might be a better way to go about this and ask more questions. Because yeah, I get being like, whoa.

[C]

Yeah, I'm curious if, like, if she was playing Minecraft and she was like, this is my villager farm where I have them all locked up in cages so that I can get the best trades. It's like, would they be like, whoa, she's locking up humanoid figures and enslaving them.

[B]

It's like, it's right, I think. Cause Sims, it's the most realistic looking and the most. But it's also. It's the most sexual game out of all these things, which I would be more concerned about as a parent than a basement where you're keeping. I don't know.

[A]

She's also so funny.

[C]

This is so funny.

[A]

It is very funny. But it's also like. Cause my argument, like playing video games, I'm like, it's a sandbox game. It's technically like, it's whatever you make it like. It's her decisions that she's making. She's being extremely creative with them too. Cause those are not aspects that are built into the game at all. It is the same as Minecraft where I'm like, you could play Minecraft a million ways and if your kid's going around killing villagers, it's not like, well, that's not really what you're designed to do in there. You're making that choice. Play the game with them and try to encourage other things. I was playing some roller coaster tycoon. I was launching those roller coasters into space. We did that. We did that. We did do that.

[B]

Those little tiny bodies.

[C]

We spent like 20 minutes in a games video trying to figure out how to launch them as far and as fast as possible.

[B]

I think she's bored. I know that there's people who get concerned with what people can do when they're really young in video games or what can like, oh, does this show a lack of empathy? Is this person gonna be doing that kind of stuff in real life as an adult? There's those things there that maybe that's what the mom is concerned about. I also think maybe they're just bored. Cause sometimes you just get weird with Sims. You really just get weird.

[C]

Yeah, well, that's like the thing in Sims is like, you spend enough time playing the game, you build a beautiful house and a beautiful family. It's like, okay, well, I've done it. I guess I gotta lock someone in the basement or put someone in a.

[A]

Pool and take a lap. Yes, I got it. You gotta have fun.

[C]

I gotta do it.

[B]

Yes, I got it.

[A]

Yeah. There's the element too of like, hey, like, your daughter's also 12. She's like, she's not a little tiny baby. She knows what she's probably doing. And it's like there is also the element of like, hey, we know this isn't real.

[B]

Right?

[A]

We're fucking around here, making stupid stuff. I think the idea of just like, well, take it away. I'm like, I don't take it away is wrong. Solves this situation.

[B]

No, And I think it's so right. It's like, well, the sons are allowed to play these games. There's literal weapons and stuff in it. But the daughter. I think it's the lessons you should teach your kid. It's not like the video game is whatever you want it to be.

[A]

They have a nine year old who's playing Fortnite, which I think that game is technically 13 plus.

[C]

He's probably better than me.

[A]

He's probably really good.

[C]

Probably really good at the game.

[A]

Truly. I mean, look, we work in YouTube. I would not be as concerned with the video games someone's playing as frankly, what YouTubers they're watching, what advice they're getting from online communities and stuff. But even then, it's like it's this hard thing of how do you and Fortnite.

[C]

I'm less worried about the violence of it and the shooting of guns versus, like, if a nine year old is just going into public lobbies, like with voice chat all the time, hearing random strangers on the Internet.

[B]

Exactly. I think parents should be doing way more research before they're Giving their kids access to games and anything. Just research everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My older brother and his wife, they make sure to watch stuff or play stuff before they let their kids, you know.

[A]

Yeah. My big thing is just like, sit down and talk to her. Be like, why do you do this? Like, what's going on here? Cause it sounds like the response they've gotten is like, she's telling them, like, this is funny.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is like. Which means she's recognizing the absurdity of what she's doing. She's like, yeah, I'm obviously not gonna do this in real life. This is a joke.

[C]

I'm 12 years old and this is hilarious.

[A]

Yeah. Comments. Well, the verdict was not the asshole. Comments. Not the asshole. To be honest, that's what a lot of female players do. Let her have fun. But I'm really sorry your son plays Fortnite.

[C]

Women being.

[A]

Locking people up. It's actually really. People talk about, like, oh, men are playing gta, but women are on Animal Crossing doing horrendous shit to their villagers. Someone said, not the asshole. Lol. That's hilarious. But talk to your wife and find out why she's so bothered by this. I'm guessing it's just gender stereotyping. That is not very ladylike behavior. But check in with her just in case she has heard. Seeing other behavior from your daughter that raises her concern. That's valid. Someone said. Hey. As both someone who studied child psychology and youth delinquency and a woman who played both Barbies and the Sims as a young girl. The Sims is just modern Barbies. Kids are going to explore the violent and strange bits of the world no matter how they do it. It's human nature. I used to lock up my Barbies in jail, have servant Barbies and Nobles play out elaborate stories about romances and murders and cheating. It's how children learn empathy and explore and learn the realities of humanity. Both the Sims and Barbie are healthy outlets for kids. They can deal with their complex and negative feelings in a healthy way, even if it looks violent without hurting anyone. Even if your daughter had a bully and she made the bully in the Sims and then locked them in a room and starved them until they died. Something I did. Lol. That doesn't mean she wants to act down those feelings in real life. It's cathartic. The Sims look so funny that putting them in a bizarre and cruel situation like that makes you feel a little vindicated and makes you laugh and it lets you feel all that and then let it go. Hope this helps. Well, I think that's.

[B]

Yeah, I will say I think I remember as a kid trying weird stuff like that on the Sims and then just feeling really bad and then never doing it again.

[A]

Yeah, it's just like, wait, okay, I have a playground to like see, like experiment. That is part of being a kid. You don't realize it when you're a kid why you're doing things, but it's like, oh, it's your brain learning. It craves things.

[C]

Yeah, I'm never gonna let my kids play video games because I'm going to be playing them and they can watch if they want.

[A]

Right. Fair this episode. Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day. Yeah. Give it a [e-mail] save upfront payment.

[B]

Of $45 for a 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required new customer offer for first 3 months only. Spe slow 135 gigabytes of networks busy taxes and fees extra siemen mobile.com sort.

[A]

Of Reddit stories is brought to you by Zocdoc. I know everyone is spending time online, especially on Reddit and YouTube, looking up nutrition tips or researching symptoms when they don't feel well. Maybe try to avoid doing that. It's best to leave those things to a professional like ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. There are more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty and I can quickly find the right doctor for me and my needs without spending all day searching. With ZocDoc, I can filter by my insurance, by my location, and I can see ratings from highly verified patients. This makes it easy to find someone I like and trust. I was someone who delayed going to the doctor for a very long time, largely because of the complicated process of finding the right doctor. But with how streamlined and simple the app was, I had a doctor's appointment set up within the week. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com PitReddit to find and instantly book a top rated Doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com PitReddit Zocdoc.com PittReddit Back to the show. Wow, that's green. All right, this next story comes from todayifucked up today I fucked up by buying a used PlayStation 2 on letgo that caused me to face my worst fear. This story was posted in September of 2017. This happened only minutes ago. The graphics card in my old PS2 decided it wanted to give up on me recently, so I decided to replace it when I had a little extra cash. I was out browsing different sites like Craigslist and the like when I stumbled upon the PS2 mentioned in the title. It looked like a great deal at the time, $25 to buy it from this guy, whereas a secondhand store in town was selling them for about $45 to $60. At the time this seemed like a no brainer. Now I should preface this by saying that I have a strange faith in the honesty of others, benefit of the doubt and all that noise. After all, the car I drive now is one I bought from a guy on the Internet and it runs great for something that is 27 years old. Why should this be any different? Starting to sound like a mistake yet. If the answer is no, then have no fear, that is almost certainly about to change. The model the seller advertised on Letgo was one of the larger black brick models like the first generation ones. When I finally met the seller, we had a brief handshake in exchange when he showed me the goods. It was actually one of the slim and silver PS2s from later in the console's production run. He told me he had already sold the larger one. My first instinct, as many logical redditors would tell me, is that I should have walked away when I saw I was being sold something that was improperly advertised. Unfortunately for me, and I guess fortunately for the rest of you reading this, I was not in the most logical mood. It was kind of a shitty drive to a pretty sketchy part of town and it had already been a long morning. I just wanted to get this thing and go home. Back at the old ranch, I hooked up the console, slapped in Kingdom Hearts 2 and got ready to enjoy the rest of my day. I'm off work and done with class. What else would I do with my evening, right? I was pretty happy with my life until I realized I had been waiting for five or so minutes and the disc wasn't reading. Strange, but not altogether discouraging. I slapped in another game that I knew for sure was working. Didn't read. I repeated this several times with disks I knew would work. Same story. Now I'm starting to get slightly pissed. I'm sure you can see where this next Part is going. I opened up the app to message the seller and let him know he had sold me a defective console. Not so much. To my surprise, he had blocked me. I've now got no way to contact him. Of course not. He just took me for a fucking ride. All I could do at this point was report him and live in my shame. That, or I could get onto YouTube and try to find a fix for a disc read error. I picked the latter option and went on my merry way. After a video about a quick mod I could make to the system, I was feeling pretty confident that I was going to get the last laugh on this one. Oh, golly gee fuck, was I wrong. Now at this point, I begin to tumble from my perch of the high and mighty and start snowballing right down that tall fucking mountain. I managed to get the appropriate screws out and pry that bad boy open. It's putting up a little more of a fight than I saw in the videos. But why wouldn't it? It was never meant to be opened this way in the first place. With a little elbow grease, it starts to give. I'm also starting to spot a bit of rust in one of the memory card slots. A bit annoying, but the other one was working a few minutes ago, so I can live with that. The further I get it open, the more rust I see on some more critical pieces. I'm sweating again, but holding out hope. Finally, the plastic casing comes free and I experience the joy of a man that is working with his own two hands to solve a problem. I experienced this joy for maybe a second and a half. You see, after prying the top casing off of the console, the bottom half sort of clattered back down onto the desk. The first thing I notice is that the inside is covered in rust. The second thing I notice is that some of the rust is moving. Oh, that's not all rust. Oh, son of a bitch. Those are fuck mothering cockroaches.

[B]

What?

[A]

Do you know that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indiana Jones is like snakes? Why did it have to be snakes? That was me. Except with cockroaches. They are the one insect that fill me with more disgust than anything else. And now they're crawling on my hands. And these are the quick little tiny ones that don't give two fucks about whether you've stepped on them or not. I threw that whole console on the ground post haste, which only made them more riled up. They're getting everywhere. Now. I'm yelling for help to My roommates and stomping the ground like a fucking madman in a fit of terrified panic. You would think that something caught fire with the way I was yelling, which is what my roommate said he thought had happened. But no. Just cockroaches. Tiny $25 freaks of nature. Eventually, I managed to eradicate most of the insect horde with stomping and shouting alone. At which point I grabbed a can of Raid from the laundry room and finished the job. At least I hope I finished the job. I'm fairly certain there are at least two of those little fuckers still running around under the bed. But at this point, I'm a little too emotionally drained to care. I also get the extreme pleasure of wallowing in the fact that I basically just paid $25 to get covered in my least favorite living thing on the planet. Jesus. It's only three in the afternoon and I already need a stiff drink.

[B]

How much money did he spend?

[A]

25 bucks.

[C]

25 bucks. Wow.

[A]

But I get it. He's saying I spent 25 bucks to drive to a shitty part of town to then get covered in cockroaches. Like, he's just like, ah, this was a lot.

[C]

I was so ready. I was like, what is gonna be inside of that thing? I was thinking spiders at first.

[A]

A curse.

[C]

A curse.

[A]

A curse. Yeah.

[B]

Poop.

[A]

Poop. Someone. Someone pooped in it and then locked it back up, pried it open, pried it open, pooped it, and screwed it back together.

[B]

Now, I would never do that in the Sims.

[C]

He just bought the Jen PS2.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my gosh, that sucks, dude. I wonder if he was able to, like, report that user on the. He said that he reported him, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not enough money to, like, report to the police, obviously.

[A]

Yeah, you just have to report it in the app and be like, I hope this guy gets enough reports. Yeah, that guy's clearly just going around buying or just getting defective consoles, then selling them.

[B]

Yeah, he's going to, like, garage sales.

[A]

You know, a dump. I don't know.

[B]

Poop.

[C]

I would throw up. I would throw up.

[A]

That's horrible. That's awful. Pry it open. They're just bugs.

[B]

Do you think the seller knew that there was cockroaches inside or just that it was just a shitty.

[A]

I'm just wondering what those cockroaches, like, get out of being inside of a PS2. Like, there's no. Like, why are they in there?

[B]

It's a home.

[C]

It's a home.

[B]

Creatures were playing hoes.

[A]

It's amazing what they can fit into.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Or when they're like, all it takes is one lay egg.

[A]

True. Maybe they lived their entire lives in that PS2.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It was like their home.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's all they knew.

[A]

Yeah. Some Madden 05 cockroaches. That's all they knew.

[C]

Their little feet were like plugging into the motherboard. Hello. Playing video games.

[B]

They've been playing games for years.

[A]

They can game comments. How do they survive in such places anyways? If you have a PC, you can play PS2 games on it with your PS2 GamePad by downloading PCSX2. It emulates the PS2 in Windows and works very accurately.

[B]

Aw.

[A]

Someone said, I'm reading R today. I fucked up, but this feels way too much like R. No sleep. Yeah. Someone said, optics are going out on my PS4. I'm scared now. Someone said, Roaches love PS4s. We have a producer. Note. This comment links to a Tom's Guide article about how roaches are attracted to PS4s. And it got so bad, several console repair stores introduced roach fees.

[B]

I like to suck phones and I've been sucking bugs this whole time.

[A]

Maybe bugs love gaming.

[C]

Dude. Another win for Team Xbox, I guess on that one.

[A]

Yeah. Bugs hate Xbox. Bugs hate Xbox.

[B]

I will say, I thought this was going to a weirdly different worse where, like, I thought this was Piece two was like resetting and erasing every game he was putting into it. Like, you know how you can like burn a CD or whatever? I thought maybe every time you put a disc in it, like, took the game away.

[A]

That would be crazy. It stole out of your game.

[C]

Yeah, he was just putting it on top of cockroaches. And they're like, what the.

[B]

They're like, what the hell's that? Like, we hate this game. Kingdom Hearts.

[A]

There's a comment. So with the roaches out, does it work now? And we didn't get a response from it. Damn. So we have no idea, I would assume. No. It sounds like there's rust. Sounds like. It's pretty much sounds like he probably.

[B]

Beat the devil out of that PlayStation as well.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's done.

[B]

It's done.

[A]

It's always a bummer when your console breaks and it's like, not fixable.

[B]

That's so sad.

[C]

I have a friend who's gone through four WIIs now, and the only thing he uses it for is Guitar Hero. Just different guitar heroes and he just keeps going through them.

[A]

Wow. It's crazy because my N64 from my childhood still works.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Still works. Like a charm.

[C]

It's always like a gamble. Like on Facebook Marketplace. You go buy an old console and it's like, who knows? Maybe it's gonna be in great condition or it's gonna work for three days.

[A]

Yeah, you never know. It's kind of fun. All right, let's move on to our next story. I'm gonna move back to the iPad.

[C]

I'll take that.

[A]

All right, you take it.

[C]

Any good games on here? What do we got? Has it been 15 minutes?

[B]

I've never seen one of these before.

[A]

Oh, my God. We could read along.

[B]

I don't wanna look into it.

[C]

Spoilers. Oh, that was the third story. I didn't read anything. I didn't read anything.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

All right, Our next story comes from. Am I the asshole? And it comes from May of 2020.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Which is important.

[B]

Tough times, tough times.

[A]

This is timely. Am I the asshole for telling my friends that I didn't want to buy Animal New Horizons and calling them out on their fake gaming obsession? Huh? You're a fake gamer for playing Animal Crossing? Gamers.

[B]

Oh, get on cs.

[A]

My friends are generally not gamers. They typically either diss on most games or have an incredibly warped view of them. For example, one of them thinks that Life Is Strange is the most revolutionary game ever made because you can choose how the story plays out. Damn. All right. Op. You suck ass.

[C]

It's a really good game.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

What the fuck?

[C]

Really good.

[A]

I tried to explain to her that there's been several games like that before, and she just went into denial. Anyway, they bought a Switch and Animal Crossing because they claimed that it reminded them of Harvest moon for the N64. They asked me to get the game since they wanted to play together, and I refused, saying that I didn't think that was my type of game. They rebuked me because they know I play a lot of Stardew Valley, which they claim to be a similar game, and they can't understand why. It's pretty different. I also didn't want to pay for the Nintendo Online, which I believe to be useless. I'm part of some Facebook groups where we discuss various topics and I was unaware that one of them was public. A guy posted that he had bought Animal Crossing and that he was deeply regretting it because he found the game to be super boring and almost devoid of any meaningful gameplay. I jokingly commented, lol, that was pretty much a given. If a game is so beloved by the general public, it's usually pretty damn bad because they obviously lose their shit. At whatever and forget about what actually makes a game good.

[B]

You're going to die alone.

[A]

I hate guy who has.

[B]

You'Re going to die along.

[C]

Guy who has 5,000 hours in Team Fortress 2.

[A]

My friend saw the post and tried to grill me for it and told me I was basically insulting them. I told them the comment was a joke, but also explained in general that there's hardcore and casual games and that Animal Crossing falls into the casual category. God, dude, I need to see this.

[C]

Guy'S Steam library so bad.

[B]

I mean, show us your dick. Measure your dick for us. Sorry.

[A]

Which I didn't like. And they did because they were more casual gamers, which wasn't bad, but was different from my tastes. They went, we're not casual gamers. And I told them that 99% of their gaming library were casual games. They barely play games and barely know anything about the medium, to the point where they thought Life is Strange was revolutionary.

[B]

Are they?

[A]

They again said that they weren't and that I didn't know about that. And one of them pointed out how she even has an N64 logo T shirt. She has it and always brags about it and wears it for Instagram pics. Like, I absolutely love gaming. Fun fact, she never actually had an N64. I told her that that shirt was obviously just for appearances because the first day she brought it in, I asked her if she remembered Banjo Kazooie and she said, I don't know that game. I thought it was odd since it's literally one of the most famous titles in the console. So I asked about a lot of famous N64 titles. GoldenEye Smash Bros. Perfect Dark Turok Conker. And she didn't know any title asides from Mario 64 and Zelda. Ocarina of Time. Bitch.

[B]

This is the best one.

[A]

She even thought Majora's Mask was a game. Fucking casual. Oh, my God, this is so good. Whenever my friends lose an argument, they kind of just go into denial mode. And that's what they did here. Now, they didn't bring it up, but I'm wondering if I handled the situation correctly. Was I the asshole here?

[C]

Was I the asshole here?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, my God. You're a professional asshole. You're a casual asshole. Op, I just wanna say, let's get down into the fundamentals of it, okay? Gaming is literally what you make it. And so saying you're not a real gamer is like saying, like, you're not a real person. It's like when they. Okay, so I'm very into drag. Right. And RuPaul's Drag Race. You cannot judge or determine whether someone else's drag is drag or not. That is their passion. They're passionate about it. Calling them casual, they're like, I don't feel casual about it. I feel very passionate about my island on Animal Crossing. Like, you can't diminish someone else' especially. They're inviting you to play this game. Not because they're like, you have to play this game, bro. They're saying, hey, we wanna do this thing together. We're in a pandemic, you know, we wanna, like, hang out with you. And this. They're going into these moments of denial. I'm like, no. Maybe they're just stopping and thinking about how maybe they don't wanna be friends with you anymore. This is, like, so rude.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's really stupid. Yeah. God, there's so many that they're just wrong about, in my opinion. One is like, I don't really know if I believe in casual games, because any game can be casual. But the online community makes every game so intense, right?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I was playing Animal Crossing a ton in 2020, and for me, it was very casual. I was like, I'm having fun. And then you'd go online and you'd visit other islands and you're like, holy shit.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

This game is not casual for this person. I don't know how they did this.

[C]

No, literally, I've seen Peggle Speedruns, that old game where you just drop the balls. People get insanely intense about any game ever, no matter how.

[A]

It's. There's a. I think it's Dunkey video game. Dunkey, who said this that I loved. And he was talking about Mario. I think he was talking about Mario Odyssey, which is a game, truly, that kids love. It's a game ultimately designed for kids to be able to play. But he was like, what's amazing about Mario games is that they're as hard as you want them to be. And I think that's so true. There's always a new challenge for how to make that game harder.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I feel like that's kind of true for most games. Right. Like, I love Stardew Valley, but I'm like, to me, it's casual. Cause I'm playing it casually. But there are things you can do in the game that you have to be locked in to do.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

No, I've watched so much. I love, like, Odyssey, Super Mario Odyssey, Speedrunning, and the things that they do in that game. I Have, like, gone and spent, like, watched videos and spent, like, hours trying to figure out just the smallest little movement techniques. I'm like, you're gaming on a different level than. My brain isn't even operating on the same wavelength. Also, Life Is Strange is one of the most impactful and incredible narrative storytelling games of its time and probably of the 2000s. So that's just an insane take.

[B]

Didn't it win awards and stuff? Hello.

[A]

And it's also, like, there are games similar to it before, but there's always new things happening. Right? Like, I'm such a fan of Hades, but it's like, Hades wasn't the first roguelike, but it kind of made specific formula changes that people were like, this is amazing.

[B]

That's what's so cool. We are in such a time where so many video games are available to us, and we're still able to be entertained and not jaded by what's coming out.

[A]

And then also, there's a couple more things. One is the N64 conversation is exhausting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's just like, someone says they like N64. Be like, yeah, that's cool that you like a thing. I like. There's multiple levels of life liking N64.

[B]

I'm like, do you like these people?

[A]

Or.

[B]

You tend to go into patterns that are gonna be very isolating. You're diminishing everybody else's interest. They're talking to you about these things because they like you and want to talk about something they're interested in with you. They're not trying to say they're better than you. It feels like you're trying to establish that you're better at all these things than everybody else and that you know better when it's like. It's like going to an amusement park and being like, I want to go over on this ride and be like, that's not a real ride. This is a ride. It's like, they're all different and fun for different reasons. Like, just chill.

[A]

They're exhausting. The fact that they're bringing up Conker as, like, famous N64 titles. I'm like, unless your friends are in their 40s, they were a kid when the N64 was out, and they were not playing conkers. Unless they were, like, me and they were playing it and their parents didn't know about it. Yeah, that's a game that was violent. And my parents, if they saw, they were like, you are not playing that game.

[B]

Also dismissing OG Games like Mario or Zelda. Like, two ones. I Remember being in sixth grade and my friend showing me Mario for the first time. And I remember being too frustrated and I couldn't play it. And then I never played any of those games because I just simply wasn't good at them. I went on to do Sims and other stuff, but now I'm like, wow, that person was so cool for playing that back then. They're legit.

[C]

The most impressive thing I've ever seen in a video game. Actually, it was in Mario. It was a level from Mario Maker. This guy Chain Chom Braden created just the most insane level ever called Trials of Death. And it took him, like, six years or something like that to make it and beat it.

[B]

I think I remember seeing that it was the most.

[C]

It's like the craziest. The YouTube video I'm sitting there watching. I'm like, I don't get it. Like, it's any game. Yeah, it's so silly.

[A]

Yeah, it is fun. Like, no matter what game you play, there's always someone who's turned it into the hardest thing on the planet. Cause that's for me with Breath of the Wild, my favorite game. Right? And I play that casually. Like, I'm really good at it. Cause I played it so much, but I play it in a way that I'm like, I'm just wandering around doing stuff. But then you'll watch the speedrunners who, like, do a crazy backflip on their shield, land on someone, and then launch themselves to the other side of the. What the hell? How did you learn to do that? Yeah.

[B]

And even, let's be clear, you're playing casually, but you have it on, like, master mode where your health is always permanently low or something. You play pretty.

[A]

You play it casually enough. Yeah. You become a master. And then also, last thing I'll say is, we're in the midst of 2020. Like, man, find whatever joy you can in this era. This sucked. This was, like, the worst time. And all this person is doing is just shutting down everyone trying to have a good time.

[B]

Yeah. The world's gonna open up again, and you're gonna be alone. Like, bro, hello.

[C]

And to be clear, it's okay to not want to play a game or buy a game. Just don't be an asshole about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, just be like, it doesn't sound like the game for me. Or I'm not really too interested in buying it right now.

[B]

It's also just, like, not even about the game. They wanted to hang out with you.

[A]

Yeah, dude. The verdict was asshole, overwhelmingly.

[B]

Oh, Yeah, I can't wait to hear these comments.

[A]

Comments. You're like the human counterpart of a paper cut. You're the asshole. Someone said you sound like a gatekeeping asshole. Just let people enjoy things. OP responded, they can enjoy them. I just called them out on their Instagram followers. Tactics. Oh, Jesus.

[B]

Huh?

[C]

You're not allowed to wear clothes in your Instagram posts.

[A]

You're not allowed to enjoy N64 as an aesthetic, animal Crossing was the biggest game of that year by far.

[C]

It was.

[B]

And also just some people explore and find their passions in weird ways. Whether it's finding a cool shirt and going, huh, what is this? I like this shirt. Okay? And now I'm actually. And then they're better at that video game than you will ever be. Like, you just don't know. Like, these. You have friends in the pandemic. That is a beautiful thing.

[C]

Like, please, I have to come clean. I own a Sublime shirt and I only know, like, two of their songs.

[A]

What I got in Santoria.

[C]

No, it's Santoria and the one that Lana Del Rey sampled.

[B]

Dude, I have. There are Smosh Pit videos where I'm wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt. And I could not have told you what a Led Zeppelin song sounded like. Like, we be doing things. And now I listen to a ton of Led Zeppelin, but I don't have that shirt anymore. What is life?

[A]

I also think. I think there's an argument. I think I'll make a weird argument for, like, wearing aesthetic things, because when things become so a part of just culture that it's like, yeah, it influences. Like, Led Zeppelin has influenced so much of just life that it's like, yeah, you can rock that shirt.

[B]

Also, people are dying, okay? Let us wear a fucking Nintendo shirt.

[A]

Yeah, Someone said you're the asshole. Stardew Valley is so similar to Animal Crossing. Like, literally almost the same gameplay. Definitely. Both are casual games, though. You just come off as a huge asshole. Who cares if your friend wants to say they're a gamer? Sounds like you're pushing an issue. That doesn't matter. OP Responded saying, Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley have nothing similar in gameplay. Asides from the theme. That's crazy to say when you've never played Animal Crossing. Do we think so? Wait, you've played both Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I think they are very similar. As someone who's gotten really in the trenches on both, to me, there is huge differences, but they are similar in the, like, the zone I'm in when I'm playing.

[C]

Yeah, They're a very similar vibe. Just kind of like, yeah, the way that you play them and kind of like, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Kind of that.

[B]

Yeah. I never could get into Animal Crossing, but I was playing a ton of Stardew Valley. I was just like, I don't know. I'm specific about whether it's an eight bit or like, I like the graphics that I see sit in and get into. So I could never get into it. But I loved watching you play it. And I was always so intrigued by, like, oh, time is actually the same as real time in real life on Animal Crossing. Like, stuff like that, I thought was so interesting.

[A]

Animal Crossing, to me, I thought it was perfect in 2020 when I was bored, because Animal Crossing, the way I played it at least was a lot of luck. Of like, well, I want to have this type of design, but. But every day you get to log in and just kind of hope that you get something of an aesthetic. You're kind of. That was an aesthetic game. Whereas Stardew Valley, you can keep grinding and move a little bit faster. Animal Crossing makes you slow down sort of. But the same thing of like, yeah, you're just.

[B]

It's whatever you want.

[A]

You can't lose.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're just kind of playing and designing it out. Can you die in Animal Crossing? No. You can faint, but then you wake right back up. Yeah.

[C]

I installed the I can die mod, actually.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

I installed in Animal Crossing the basement prison child labor mod.

[A]

However, Concerned Ape has cited that Animal Crossing was an inspiration for Stardew Valley.

[B]

I think Concerned Ape took inspiration from so many people.

[A]

Oh, clearly a lot. So it's like, that guy's a gamer.

[B]

It's so funny. Cause OP is like, I play Stardew Valley. I don't wanna play Animal Crossing. It's like Stardew Valley. I heard so many people be like, well, Stardew Valley is just a Frankenstein of every other game and whatever and dismissing that. So it's like, how dare you stand on that and then shit on other ones?

[A]

You know, someone said, you're the asshole for gatekeeping, gaming, being an elitist and talking so much shit about your friends. No one has to justify their interests. If someone plays games and says they're a gamer, they are. You don't get to override them because you don't like their games. OP said, nah, they're not. Saying you're a gamer implies you play at a higher level than most people do.

[C]

What does that mean?

[A]

Everyone doesn't same Applies for gamers. A lot of people play casually, but that doesn't mean they're gamers in the proper context. Also, they're free to enjoy their shitty casual title. I just told them I wouldn't buy it myself. All right. So earlier they compare themselves to, like, competitive drivers. I'm like, I know that this person's not nearly as good as, like, esports players. That is on a level people cannot comprehend.

[B]

It doesn't even matter. It's the craziest thing.

[C]

No, it's so funny too. Cause, like, I'm picturing this person in my head. And as someone who has played like a lot of, like, online, like, competitive game, like, ranked games, I would say that I'm probably above average, but I am nowhere near anywhere being like, yeah, I'm really good at this game, or I'm like a real gamer. It's like this person's probably gold in League of Legends or something and thinks they're insane at games.

[B]

Right?

[C]

This is awesome. This is crazy also.

[B]

It's just. Yeah, they are putting their own definition of what a gamer is because a gamer means someone who plays video games. Like, sure, there's been a cultural. Wait to the word gamer. It's like, oh, you stream on Twitch even you are a professional. But there's so many people here that are incredible at video games have never done anything professionally with it. Or like, we had the pleasure of working with that guy, Daniel Stonewall, who was a champion for Smash Bros. He's the nicest guy who would never say anything like that about any other video game. Superiority complexes are a funny thing.

[A]

It's just insecurity, clearly.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Actually I did play in a valorant tournament recently and I sat a tier two pro. So I think I actually am kind of like a good gamer.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I love this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we have representation of all types of gamers here.

[C]

I have the clip. It's pretty nasty if you guys want to see it.

[A]

Yeah. You know, I think any type of game makes you a gamer. My grandpa played so much solitaire, he had like a little solitaire device. He was just always playing it. Ultra gamer.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And now here I am playing Balatro all the time, so. All right, let's move on.

[B]

Yeah, let's move on from that.

[A]

Let's move on from that. This next story comes from the confession subreddit comes from. A couple years ago, I sent someone tit pics because he did a cute Arthur Morgan impression.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Self explanatory. Not my proudest moment, but it's been haunting me for like a week. Element, wait.

[B]

I'm so sorry. Can you read the title just one more time?

[A]

Yeah, one more time. So I'll read the title and the entire story again.

[B]

Okay, great, great, great. Ideal.

[A]

I sent someone tit pics because he did an acute Arthur Morgan impression. Self explanatory. Not my proudest moment, but it's been haunting me for like a week. Lmao. That's it. Wait, so that's the story. So someone did a cute Arthur Morgan impression, so OP was like. All right.

[B]

Did you say a cute one or an acute one?

[A]

A cute Arthur Morgan impression.

[C]

Arthur Morgan, notoriously cute man.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

That would be the first word I would use to describe him.

[A]

Come on, Dutch.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Comments.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

Easy now. I saw someone with tuberculosis and I flashed them, okay.

[B]

Like, oh, my God.

[C]

Please, no Arthur Morgan pressure.

[A]

I'm not doing so good. All right, comments. RIP to your inbox with Arthur Morgan impressions. Someone said there's an interview with Roger Clark where he says that he initially made the horse lines a bit too sexy and intimate. I've seen that. And then proceeded to demonstrate. I'm a straight guy. And it nevertheless did something to me.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

Someone said, bro, once I got sent a titty pic' cause I said, I know how to cook. Oh, my God. Hazy now. Oh, my God. Okay, spoilers for red Dead Redemption 2. But OP said if the TB didn't kill him enough, the titty flash definitely did.

[B]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

That'll do it.

[A]

All right. That was a fun one. That's good.

[B]

That's funny.

[A]

That's good. Moving on. This comes from. Am I the asshole? This was posted in 2019. Am I the asshole for telling my kid I would help him get a switch if he can beat Ocarina of Time?

[C]

No. That's awesome.

[A]

That's pretty sick, dude. That's a rite of passage.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. My 10 year old kid has been saving his money, birthday allowance, et cetera for months now to get a Nintendo Switch so he can play Breath of the Wild. Yeah. It's been two years since Breath of the Wild was released. As of this story being posted right now, he has $200 saved up at his current allowance, $10 a week. It will still take him months to be able to afford it. I know he really wants it, as all of his friends have one. And he hasn't been obnoxious about it, Just diligently saving up now. I have to say, he's a really good kid. Kind Smart, does his chores without complaining, friendly to everyone. He's been making great grades in school and was even made captain of his soccer team. Instead of making him do more chores to earn more money, I thought of a more fun solution to help him get his switch. I told him, if you can beat Ocarina of Time without Googling for help, though I would help him along the way. If he got stuck on my old N64, I'll pay for the rest of your switch and get you Breath of the Wild. Wife was initially opposed to the idea, but then thought it could be a fun father son bonding thing. Part of my reasoning too is I just want him to appreciate how far video games have come. And Ocarina of Time is a timeless classic. He jumped at the idea after a weekend of playing. He's already at Zora's domain as Young Link. He seems to be having fun with it and hasn't gotten too frustrated yet. He's only played Minecraft, really, so the dated graphics don't bother him either. But anyway, I told a couple friends about it and they think I'm a massive dick, that I'm trying to relive my childhood vicariously through my son and that I should just get him the switch because he's already such a good kid. Now I'm having second thoughts and am feeling bad about it, but he does seem to be enjoying the challenge. So am I, the asshole. Oh, living vicariously through your son as if that's not a thing parents do. Like, that's.

[B]

And this is the most non pain. Like, this is like the most mild version of that.

[A]

Yeah, I think this is a healthy way of doing that. Cause it's like, hey, I wanna relive this and experience it with you. Like that is a bonding moment.

[B]

Yeah. This kid isn't suffering.

[A]

You're making your kid play Ocarina of.

[B]

Time and giving you rounds of $10 a week.

[A]

What?

[B]

Like, hello?

[A]

Yeah, I think it sounds like they're doing a great job of parenting this kid. And that sounds like timeless memories for this kid. That's amazing.

[C]

I love this.

[B]

And you're also offering to expedite the process of getting them the switch. So you are acknowledging that this is a good kid and you're just letting them play. This is awesome. And the fact that this is motivating the K to be down to play this. You're enriching their experience as a gamer.

[A]

Yeah, it's also.

[B]

Which they are one.

[A]

It's also like, I feel like this is, you know, there's such a small window with how far things have come. There's such a small window to really experience those things for the first time and appreciate them. Once you play Breath of the Wild, it will be hard to go back and play Ocarina of Time and, like, enjoy it. I struggle with that, like, Wind Waker. When I played it as a kid, I was like, this is the best game ever made. Look at this world. It's so crazy. And now that I've played it, Breath of the Wild and stuff, I'm like, I could go back and play it and I could appreciate it, but it's definitely me enjoying the nostalgia. Whereas if I was young and playing it for the first time, I'd be like, why not play the newer thing?

[C]

How dare this dad be like, hey, son, you wanna spend time together playing one of the greatest video games? Yeah. So that I can then just give you a bunch of money to buy a switch?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Fuck, yeah.

[A]

Oh, you're playing catch with your son. Just let him play MLB the show. Yeah. And there's tons of Easter eggs in Breath of the Wild to Ocarina of Time that he'll get when they come to that first area in Breath of the Wild. And you're like, oh, is this the Temple of Time? And you're getting the small music cues. You're gonna get those references?

[B]

Yes, dude. When I first started Smosh, I saw Ian was wearing a Triforce shirt, but I was like, that's a cool shirt. What is that? And he's like, you don't know what this is? And I was like. I was like, no. And he was like, ugh. And was disgusted by me. And I was like, oh, no. And it's like, my first few months at the job, so I literally. I had missed a flight and had, like, five hours to kill. So I spent five hours watching YouTube videos on all of the lore of Legend of Zelda. Oh, my God. And I was like, holy shit, Zelda's amazing.

[A]

And then, you know what's really funny is Nintendo doesn't even know the lore of it. They're making that shit up as they go.

[B]

It did make me wish I was able to. It did make me wish I was able to play those games. Like, I was like, oh. I never had access to those games. Oh, well. Because, like, you know, it's fine.

[A]

I didn't beat Ocarina of Time until I was an adult. Like, I played it as a kid and I would watch. I watched my brother beat the game, right? Which is the Case for most video games. Like, I just watched my brothers play them and beat him. But I finally at a certain point was like, I gotta beat that game so I can say I beat it.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

No, I mean Ocarina of time as a 10 year old. That's a healthy challenge. Yeah, that's a healthy challenge for him to complete.

[A]

It's hard as hell. Yeah, there's something. I mean, look, there's the son. Where the dad might be an asshole is. Once they get to the water temple, I swear things are gonna get bad. The verdict was not the asshole comments. Not the asshole. If your son is up for it and seems excited, it doesn't matter what other people think. I think it's a cute idea. Op's comment. In response to a now edited comment, Op said, I mean, to them, Op's friends, it sounds like I'm forcing him to play an old video game before he can play a new one and that I'm robbing him of making his own memories with video games. When I thought about what they said, I think it would have pissed me off if my parents had made me play like Pong or Pac man for hours before getting an N64 when I was his age. So I kind of get their side of it. I just kind of fully disagree with that. Like, I don't know. I think it's really fun to play those old games.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, Pac man and those games are more of a repetitive thing, not so much a story. So I would probably feel a bit tortured by that if I'm being honest. But. But I still think it's a really. A switch is a big deal. That's a big. That is not just one little game system that opens up such a big window to games and other mediums on that device. My oldest sister, she had been telling her sons no to a switch. Cause she thought it was just something you attached to your iPhone. She thought it was controllers. You attached her iPhone. She was like, no, that sounds stupid. I was like, no, this is amazing. It connects to your tv so you can enjoy it as a family or watch stuff and then also take it on the go. It's you up to big purchase. And so this is like the littlest challenge to.

[C]

And like you said, it's gonna make the gameplay of Breath of the Wild so much more fun. Cause Breath of the Wild is a huge game. And for that to be your first introduction into any Legend of Zelda game, there is a lot of stuff. And so being able to just have little reference points for like, oh, I recognize those characters. I recognize those areas. It is gonna make it more fun so that he's not just thrown into this thing. Kind of just thrown into the deep end.

[B]

He'll have a deeper knowledge of the story than his friends once he goes into it.

[A]

No references to things.

[B]

If you had to play. If you said someone needed to play one other Zelda game before Breath of the Wild, which one would you say?

[A]

Ooh, that's good. I would maybe say. I'd maybe say Wind Waker. Because the references in Breath of the Wild to Wind Waker are probably the most prominent. You have Beetle the Salesman. You've got the. Why am I blanking on the names? The little leafy guys.

[B]

Koroks.

[A]

You have the Koroks. You have the Dragon Roost island theme comes back and that whole thing. I would say that. But ultimately, any of them is fine. Cause in the Nintendo lore, there's like, three timelines, right? Well, yeah, but Breath of the Wild takes place so far after the timeline split that it's all back together. And they refer to all the previous Zelda games as, like, the Age of Myth. Like, these are tales that were told, but now it's been tens of thousands of years since then that they've. It was their way of, like, being like, okay, we're gonna move past this timeline split thing and just start fresh. It ultimately doesn't matter. Like, to me, every Zelda game is just like, yeah, it's like Mario. It's like, and we're back in Hyrule and things are a little different, but it's all ultimately the same.

[C]

Where is Ganon?

[A]

One last comment here. Someone says, not the asshole, except for one part, the water temple. That bit makes you the asshole, But I like it. It's a good take. And different spin on doing chores or something around the house for a reward. Seems like a good kid you have there. So I don't think this is an issue. You said he is enjoying it and having fun, so I wouldn't say you are living vicariously through him. So again, not the asshole. Except for the water temple. You're the asshole for when he plays that level. I just think there's. There's just absolutely nothing wrong with, like, as a parent, being like, hey, I love this thing, and we're gonna do this thing together, experience this thing together. Like, to me, I'm not a parent, but any parent who goes, like, I want to experience this thing with my child, I'm like, you can't really be an asshole. Because you're spending time with your kid, doing something together that's ultimately the best thing you can do.

[B]

And you're teaching your kid also this wonderful thing of just, like, if you work hard, you get great things in your life.

[A]

I do think he'll, like, his son will learn a lot about gaming in a healthy, good way, and especially not Googling something. Like, I was talking to Damian about this recently about how I'm like, a lot of video games are a little bit ruined for me because I'll play them and I'll play puzzles, and I have a really hard time not just getting frustrated and just Googling stuff. And I'm like, oh, and now it's not fun. But when I was a kid, I didn't have access to that. So you'd come across stuff, and you'd just be like, I don't know. And, like, hearing about my brothers playing Link to the Past, they were like, yeah, so this is back in, like, the early 90s. And they'd be playing, and you'd reach a part where you just are like, I don't know where to go. And it would just be months. And they would just spend months just being like, yeah, we're stuck here. And then eventually one of your friends would be like, hey, I figured out how to get the ice rod. You crash into this cave, and you're like, sweet, now we all know, and now we can all do this together. And that's just how it used to be.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But now it's just like, we know things immediately. Yeah. There used to be a hotline in the 80s where there's this guy working at a Nintendo office, and he's like, yeah, okay. And then this guy calling in is like, yeah, I'm not able to get the master sword. I have all the hearts for it and stuff. He's like, okay, have you checked this thing? Make sure you have 13 hearts. He's like, yeah, I don't. You know what? I miscounted. I have 12 hearts. I'm so sorry. And he's like, yeah, no problem. I'll talk to you later. And he, like, fakes off, and it's so funny.

[B]

So awesome.

[A]

We don't have an update that we could find in OP's post history, but we can hope his son beat Ocarina of Time and has been enjoying his Nintendo Switch. And, hey, maybe even has a Switch 2 now. But maybe he had to play Wind Waker to get the switch 2.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

Or Majora's Mask. I don't Know, tradition.

[C]

No, I mean literally. I think the reason that I love video games so much, I don't think I know is because my dad and my parents, we were always doing stuff together. It's like my dad was a gamer and he's like, hey, you wanna play Halo together?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And I'm like, yeah, like, I wanna play Halo. He's like, hey, I'm gonna make Runescape account.

[B]

Like, the reason that's the coolest parents ever.

[C]

That's crazy. Literally, like the reason that I love video games so much and all of my fondest, like, video game memories from my childhood are like, playing games with my dad and with my parents. Like, it was just such a fun thing.

[A]

Absolutely. For me it was watching my brother play. Watching my brother play Final Fantasy VII was like huge.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, this is crazy. Zoft.

[C]

Awesome.

[A]

All right, our next story comes from. Am I the asshole and am I the devil?

[B]

Oh God, this is close.

[A]

In 2023 we have a video game devil. Oh God. Oh my God. Oh no. Don't read ahead.

[C]

That's not fair.

[B]

I hate when you do that.

[A]

Am I the asshole for demanding my girlfriend divorces her husband on Stardew Valley?

[C]

I thought it was gonna be a literal, like, am I an asshole for demanding that my girlfriend divorce her husband?

[A]

I know it has nothing to do with video games. It just ends. He's like, all right, I'm gonna play some Fortnite now. So I, a 26 year old man, have been with my girlfriend who's 19.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What was the age gap? Say it again.

[A]

The age gap's not even the problem. So I, a 26 year old man, have been with my girlfriend, who's 19, for a bit over two years now.

[C]

Some quick maths here.

[A]

So a little bit of math here. 2419-2:17. I think that's a little problematic. Bro wrote that out. He put it on the Internet. He put it on the Internet. Oh my God. I was actually planning on proposing soon, but this issue has me rethinking our entire relationship. She has been playing Stardew Valley for about six months now and actually only showed me recently. When I saw what she was doing on the game, I was taken aback to say the least. I thought that the game was a farming RPG or something. But little did I know she had been fostering an inappropriate relationship in the game. When I asked her why there was another player in her house, she explained that she had a roommate in the game. Now this is the part where I might be the asshole. I'm not a gamer myself, but I knew something was wrong with this. I waited until she fell asleep and logged into her game. I talked to the man in her house, and to my horror, they were married. I waited until the morning to confront her about this, and when she told me it's just a game and that she has to go to work, I lost it. And asked her how she thinks that this is appropriate and how she could even imagine a life with another man that isn't me. She told me that I'm being ridiculous and that I'm crazy, but my friends are on my side. So am I the asshole? Oh, my God.

[C]

Well, I think really, before we decide, we have to know who she married.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Truly, he feels threatened, which means it's probably either. It can't be Shane.

[B]

No, no, no. It must be.

[A]

You know, it's either Elliot or Ellie.

[B]

Harvey is very passionate.

[A]

Harvey, she married a doctor.

[B]

A passionate Provis is a roommate.

[A]

She didn't love her.

[B]

Harvey is devoted. Yeah, Elliot, I think it's sweet and caring, but Harvey's dialogue, I don't know if you guys have seen those. It's.

[C]

This is the funniest thing ever, man.

[B]

In Stardew Valley.

[C]

I know the least games an 8 bit game.

[B]

I know where, like, nothing even happens.

[C]

It's not even like she's playing Baldur's Gate and, like, making sweet, sweet love to a sexy man.

[A]

It's like, I'd be like, dude, you marry the character that gives you the best gifts when you talk to them. Ew.

[B]

It's really a lookbook. And like, how dare you imagine life with any man outside of me? And like, oh, you barely let this person exist as an adult woman. Like, hello. And you're trying to lock that shit down. You're clearly not. You're not secure enough in yourself to do that, buddy.

[A]

I wish his friends were like, no, you're not the asshole for this. You are the asshole because you're a pedophile. Unfortunately, my friend's okay with the pedophilia.

[C]

Not okay with the Stardew Valley marriage.

[A]

Yes, you were dating a minor, so, yeah, all right. Verdict, Asshole. Yeah, comments. You're the asshole. I am so tired. Someone said, fostering inappropriate relationships, but you started dating her when she was 17. Opie is getting ready to fight Clint or some crap. Oh, my God, dude, this is ridiculous. I feel like we need Damien here to be like, yes, this story is not real. Yeah, like, this is hopefully rage Bait.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But I also know, as always, these people do exist.

[B]

So if you marry some of the people you marry in that game, give you stuff or take care of your livestock for you.

[A]

Yeah, man. Hey, man, you can't run a farm on your own.

[C]

No, no. The only judgment that would ever come from me is, yeah, based on who you marry. Then it's like, okay, well, come on.

[A]

Well, who is it?

[C]

Yeah, who is it?

[B]

Penny gives me scrambled eggs. I love Penny. And it was a. A steamy bath scene.

[A]

Whoa, whoa. Okay, now slow down. Hold on.

[C]

Yeah. Did I marry Lydia in Skyrim? Because she's the first companion you get. And the carry weight is awesome.

[B]

Yeah, the carry weight is awesome.

[C]

Hold my five steel plate bodies, please.

[A]

Am I extremely desperate in every video game I play? Yes. Oh, my God. All right, do I have three girlfriends in Stardew Valley? Yes. But I carry a rabbit's foot on me, so it's fine. No, I only have one girlfriend in the game, and it's Leah.

[B]

Who?

[A]

Leah. And she makes beautiful carvings. I'm feeling a little uncomfortable right now. All right, our final story. This is a Today I fucked up, and it was posted in 2020. Today I fucked up by making my dad punch a stripper in GTA and tearfully ask God for forgiveness in front of my.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

This reminds me of when you had Amanda punched.

[B]

Yeah. Cut to the clip of me when Amanda asked how to talk to a.

[A]

Woman and granted pick her punch.

[B]

Talk to her in the fedora.

[C]

How do I talk?

[B]

Press B. No, no, no. That's not what you said. I wanted to talk to her.

[A]

Hey, it's kind of like Amanda in real life. When I was young, my brothers and I snuck a copy of San Andreas into the house. We spent days holed up in our basement, taking turns playing. And down there, my parents didn't bother us too much. In order to get tons of money for guns we had yet to figure out. My parents dial up passwords, so cheats weren't a thing for us yet. We would go to the strip club and stand on the stage, absorbing the money dudes threw at the women, and just let the game sit for 10 to 20 minutes.

[B]

Genius.

[A]

I didn't know you could do that.

[C]

That's awesome.

[B]

That's so smart.

[A]

I'm gonna do that in real life. He's blocking the money. He's getting it. We had to be careful, though, because sometimes the strippers would do a move and bump into cj and the bouncers would shoot the place up one Day, while I was playing, my mom yelled down to the basement at us to get ready. We're going to Pizza Hut. In a stroke of genius, I drove to the GTA strip club, got on the stage, and then turned the TV off and we left. It was to be the best heist of the century. My dad, however, was at church at this time, practicing for a gospel concert that he was singing in. He always filmed the practices so he could take notes at home upon playback, and this time was no different. While my mom and brothers and I were still at the hut, he arrived at home and plugged his camcorder into the vcr. We had just one vcr, and it was connected to the basement TV back at the hut. But my mom gets a phone call. She puts her napkin down and slowly looks around the table at us and says, okay. A few times into the phone in this really calculating, specific way that she always did when she knew us kids were in trouble before we did. Naturally, it was at this point that we kids knew we were in trouble. For what, though we didn't know. After a very quiet minivan ride, we get home and my mom says, boys, why don't we go down to the basement? Your dad wants to show you his gospel practice downstairs. It was then, at this point, we knew why we were in trouble. So we drag our feet down the stairs and lo and behold, my dad is sitting on the couch, TV on a stripper's polygonal titties swung stiffly back and forth on screen to En Vogue's My Lovin'. With CJ standing mere inches away, collecting money. My dad starts in, boys, I don't even know where to begin. This PlayStation was a blessing to you for Christmas, and this is how you repay us? By breaking our trust? He is holding the controller up now, gesticulating with it. Here I am, practicing to bring glory to God and. But he was cut off as he inadvertently squeezed the controller, causing CJ to punch the stripper. My entire family stands in silence, watching together as the bouncers in the strip club shoot the place up for what seems like an eternity. After the shooting stops and CJ appears in front of the hospital, I look back and see my mom silently weeping into her hand. I look at my dad as a single tear rolls down his cheek, and he prays under his breath. After another eternity of silence, without a word, my dad bends down, disconnects the PlayStation, walks back to the family computers, disconnects it, goes to his car and drives away. For the next four months, he kept the PS2 and PC locked in his office at work. It's one of my favorite memories of growing up. I miss my brothers.

[C]

That's so funny. Also, I was just thinking the way the title is read is where he's like, I made my dad punch a stripper. I was wanting so badly for him to come home and be like, look what I have to do now. And he goes and just intentionally does it instead of by accident.

[A]

I just love the single tear. He's just like, I have offended God.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

That's unfortunately just.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[B]

I miss my brothers.

[A]

Comments. All I got from this was, you can collect money at the strip club. Never knew that hack. Then again, I had the unlimited money cheat, so no need. Someone said, are you Rod or Todd? Cause your dad is Ned Flanders. Yes.

[B]

All right.

[A]

3,000 upvotes, someone said, so what made him give the PS2 back after four months? If I was caught in the GTA strip club, my parents would have taken my PlayStation Forever. Op said his coworker probably asked why he has a PS2 in his office and decided he never wanted another person to ask him that again. That's what I choose to believe. I got home from school one day and it was just plugged back in.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Update.

[B]

What?

[C]

What?

[A]

Yeah, we have an update on this.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Okay, I don't know what the update. Thanks so much for the response. I'm glad I could spread some laughs with this story. I just want to clarify that my parents weren't crazy at all, so no need to insult them. I love them so much. They just got overzealous and dramatic from time to time. I had a really great childhood with two loving and involved parents who tried really, really hard to live and raise our family by their convictions. It just doesn't always work out for everyone involved, like in this case. But it made for a great story that we can all laugh about now. I'm very much an atheist and my parents know it, but we still get along great. Also, my brothers aren't dead. We're all just spread out across the country now. I don't get to see them very much anymore. That's all. I was a little like, I missed my brothers. I was like, what? It's a Saving Private Ryan moment at the end.

[B]

It's just like.

[A]

Second update.

[B]

Woo.

[C]

I got my dad gta and he loves it.

[A]

Turns out he my dad's a stripper now. All right, this is a summarized update. Op posted a second update that basically Going off on the people who called out his parents in the comments and drops this wild insult. However, if you do still feel inclined to let the pee that rolls around your empty head whose sound you mistake for a competent thought, inform you of some truly transcendent comment in which you consider calling my parents whack jobs and nuts, it says way more about you and your small mindedness in acting like you know better just because you have an Internet connection and a lifetime full of trauma on your own.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

I will also say to op, like, hey man, don't post on the Internet if you can't handle. I know, but like, I know, but like, but like, but like, if you're gonna comment and say, hey, my parents are super religious, you're gonna get people hating.

[B]

I know, but that's not his. Like, that shouldn't be his fault. I know it feels like he's defending his parents. I think sometimes in this current era of rage, bait is everywhere. I think people think that's what the Internet is and that everything is rage bait. And they take that bait every time. It's like, hey, this was supposed to be just a funny memory to laugh about it. But people don't always come to the Internet for that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They go to the Internet to be mad.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And yeah, so I think he doesn't need to waste his energy replying to those.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

But the post, I'm like, thank you for that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It also felt pretty clear in the post that he, like, it wasn't like a thing of like, ugh, my parents. It was like this really funny thing.

[A]

Happened as a kid. Absolutely. I'm just saying, like, like the Internet does this every time. Like it's always gonna be shitty in response. So maybe he doesn't post that often, so. Well, that's all our stories.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah, I feel like a better gamer now.

[A]

Yeah, I think I know a lot more about gaming.

[C]

I'm better at video games now.

[B]

I mean, I think I am. Cause now I know that strip club thing for Grand Theft Auto. That's pretty sick if it still works.

[A]

When we start playing San Andreas on Smosh games.

[B]

But also I think about my brothers too. Cause we played a lot of video games and that last story was really sweet.

[C]

Yeah. Mm.

[A]

I miss my brothers, dude.

[C]

My brother's. He's cool, he's all right. I talk to him regularly enough. I don't have to say I miss him.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

Well, no, it's like he's. I love the guy.

[B]

What does he play well?

[C]

Most well. He plays a lot of stuff, but the thing that we mostly play now is RuneScape. If we're playing the same game, it's usually RuneScape.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

My brother's probably playing Hades 2 right now, dude, so good for him.

[C]

That sucks. Really bad for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Actually, we have 30 more stories, and we're gonna be here for the next 24 hours.

[A]

You're not far off. All right, well, thank you both for being here.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

And thank you for listening and watching, and let us know what other categories and types of stories you want to see on the show, and we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye.

[B]

Later, gamers. Later.