Confessions Of A Redditor | Reading Reddit Stories

Summary

Smosh Reads Reddit Stories — Confessions Of A Redditor | Reading Reddit Stories

Date: May 16, 2026
Host: Shayne Topp | Guests: Ian, Amanda
Theme: Confessions — A hilarious, revealing, sometimes wild trip through the theme of confessions, all taken from real Reddit posts.

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Shayne Topp is joined by Smosh cast members Ian and Amanda to dive into a lineup of Reddit confessions ranging from comical life hacks to life-changing lies and petty revenge. The crew reacts, riffs, and sometimes commiserates, all while maintaining Smosh’s signature irreverent humor. Whether the stories spark serious discussion or outright roasting, the hosts keep it lively and relatable—and sometimes, just a little bit spooky.

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1. Childhood Confessions and Catholic Guilt (00:57–02:11)

• Amanda jokes about her own “confession,” riffing on not touching her wife for 10 years—“and I like that.” (01:11)
• Bit about the awkwardness (and terror) of Catholic confessional, with Amanda’s “craziest” childhood confession: eating meat during Lent.
• Amanda: “Going to confessional, as someone raised Catholic, was very spooky.” (01:32)
• Quick riff on giving up vegetables for Lent, met with disapproval.

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2. The Wedding Cake “Scam” — Cake Girl’s Secret (03:08–24:45)

The Post

• Reddit Original (2012): "What’s your secret that could literally ruin your life?"
• Confession: Wedding cake business owner admits she uses $1 Pillsbury cake mix for all cakes (including weddings). She excels at decoration, does the fondants/frostings from scratch, but hate baking. No one knows the truth except her husband.

Cast Commentary & Debate (04:29–24:45)

• Amanda mockingly reads the emotional confession, poking fun at the intensity.
• Philosophical/ethical debate:
  • Ian: “I don’t really see much of an issue, you still have to be good at baking to get it right.” (04:41)
  • Amanda: “Cake, that’s the easiest part... it’s just the eggs, the flour, sifting it and all that stuff.” (05:02)
  • Shane: “Is there a Pillsbury wedding cake mix? Isn’t wedding cake a specific flavor?” (05:20)
  • All agree that decoration is the true skill, but debate honesty and pricing. “If you’re lying about making it from scratch, you’re liable.” (07:30)
• Personal Anecdote: Ian shares the story of a giant donut “cake” at the Smosh 20-year party nobody realized was edible (07:50–09:01).
• Running Gags: Is anything actually cake? Is this microphone cake? (09:09–09:16)
• Ethics Recap: Clear consensus—honesty is the best policy; if customers knowingly opt in for a Pillsbury-decorated cake at a reduced price, everyone wins. Main concern is misrepresentation at high prices.

Notable Dialogue/Quotes

• Amanda: “Wedding cakes are so overpriced. Unless they’re epic.” (09:54)
• Shane: “It’s the principle... you can’t have your whole business model based on a lie.” (09:16)
• Ian: “They probably lined the bottom of the cart with the cake mix... and then use the self-checkout in shame.” (11:19)

Updates

• 2015: Cake Girl quits due to divorce and moves; boyfriend suggests keeping her tools for a potential comeback.
• 2018: Diagnosed with wheat intolerance—can’t eat cake anymore, but makes gluten-free ones for herself. Married again to someone she met on Reddit; wedding planner forbids her from baking own cake. (21:18–25:26)
• Hosts note the poetic “karma” of no longer being able to eat cake after "faking" for so long.
  • Shane: “She got away with it. But now she can’t eat it!” (25:31)

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3. Twitch Streamer’s Secret: “My Wife Thinks I Got Laid Off, But I Quit to Become a Streamer” (26:56–38:58)

The Post

• TrueOffMyChest (2022): Husband lies to paramedic wife about being “laid off,” secretly quits job to pursue Twitch streaming while pretending to job hunt.

Cast Reaction

• Universal horror.
  • Shane: “Don’t quit your job to do Twitch.” (27:14)
  • Amanda: “It makes me so sad that the three-year-old’s involved.” (28:27)
• Debate on the realities/dangers of pursuing a streaming career with a family to support:
  • Ian: “Statistically, he probably has two viewers... or zero.” (29:14)
  • Amanda: “He just wanted to have no responsibility and play video games in his office.” (35:49)
  • Shane: “If this guy was single, I’d say, you should keep your job and start streaming as a side gig... but not like this.” (33:40)
• Strong Listener Responses:
  • Top Reddit comments scold OP for putting the financial burden on his wife, lying, risking the family stability, and being selfish.

Update

• A year later: His wife discovered the truth within six months; she took their daughter and divorced him.
  • OP: “I can’t believe I was such a lazy fuck while she was out there busting her ass as a paramedic. I understand why everyone hates me and sided with her.” (37:25)
• Everyone sympathizes with the wife and daughter; none with OP’s remorse:
  • Amanda: “I’m actually really happy that his wife was like, peace.” (38:04)
  • Shane: “What are you doing for your daughter now? What are you doing for your life now?” (38:17)

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4. Club Gatekeeping and the “Fridge” Friend (40:02–51:58)

The Post (2025):

• PSA: “If you’re the friend who blocks guys from talking to your attractive friend, you’re not protecting anyone. You’re just being controlling.”
  • OP complains about being denied access to an “interested” woman by her “gatekeeper” friend whom he derogatorily calls “the fridge.”

Cast Breakdown

• Immediate Skepticism & Eyeroll:
  • Amanda: “Let’s call her Fridge. What a nightmare.” (40:57)
• Sharp pushback on the post’s gender and entitlement issues:
  • Ian: “Respectful guy that refers to a dumpster. Blocking me again.” (42:12)
  • Shane: “Top comment nails it: Most of us don’t like men who refer to women as fridges.” (44:30)
• Amanda and Shane explain the purpose of “protective” friends, especially in uncomfortable bar situations, and cast doubt on OP’s narrative—he’s likely a relentless guy being gently let down.
  • Amanda: “As a woman, it is a rite of passage... sometimes it’s like, hey, I can handle myself, and sometimes it’s like, hey, thanks for taking care of me.” (44:30)
• Discussion on consent in social settings; everyone agrees: ask, take “no”, and move on.

Memorable Quote

• Ian: “Anything past that point is entitlement—thinking you’re entitled to this person’s time.” (51:20)

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5. Johnny Pumpkin Seed: Secret Seed Sower or Future Villain? (52:10–59:40)

The Post (2025):

• Confession: “I carry pumpkin seeds in my pocket and plant them everywhere I go. I’ve been doing this for over 20 years.”

Smosh Cast Reaction

• Initial delight; quickly overtaken by suspicion and ‘villain origin story’ jokes.
  • Amanda: “I don’t trust this person. He sounds like a villain.” (53:22; 53:36)
  • Shane: “You’re revisiting the scene of the crime like a serial killer.” (55:02)
• Parodies his signature line: “Lend a hand, leave a smile.”
• Jokes about pumpkin man (Carl) being a Batman villain, gardener-vigilante or doomsday cultist—“Carl the Pumpkin Man.”
  • Fan art encouraged: “Somebody needs to make fan art of Carl.” (58:33)
• Final comments thread includes someone finding a random mystery pumpkin at their apartment and others discussing similar guerrilla gardening with sunflowers.

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6. Quickfire Confession: The Wrong Kelly (61:00–63:12)

The Post

• WellThatSucks (2026): OP accidentally texts the wrong Kelly:
  • Text: “I’m extra pissed today because my coochie lips keep falling out of my underwear and it keeps chafing. 😭” (61:32)
  • Wrong Kelly responds, “No, I totally get that. That’s the worst.”
  • Realization and sheepish apology follow, but Kelly is super supportive—“It was the right Kelly.” (62:10)

Cast Reactions

• General delight and solidarity at the good-natured response.
  • Ian: “Kelly’s such a good sport.” (61:59)
  • Amanda: “Wrong Kelly, my ass. I’m the right Kelly.” (62:29)

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Running Jokes & Memorable Moments

• “Is it cake?” — Paranoia from viral cake memes and the 20-year Smosh donut cake (09:01)
• “Lend a hand, leave a smile.” — Carl the Pumpkin Man’s sinister sign-off, invoked jokingly as a curse by the cast (esp. 57:41 to end)
• Mispronunciations (“Upcrake”), riffing on cake and bakery terminology, and Pillsbury Doughboy costume gags.
• Fantasizing about the consequences for the wedding cake “scammer” (as well as for the streamer and Pumpkin man).
• Amanda’s perennial love for lavender cake, and Ian’s childhood devotion to German chocolate cake.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Amanda: “Going to confessional, as someone raised Catholic, was very spooky.” (01:32)
• Ian: “I don’t really see much of an issue, you still have to be good at baking to get it right.” (04:41)
• Shane: “It’s the principle... you can’t have your whole business model based on a lie.” (09:16)
• Amanda: “Wedding cakes are so overpriced. Unless they’re epic.” (09:54)
• Ian: “Statistically, he probably has two viewers... or zero.” (29:14)
• Amanda: “He just wanted to have no responsibility and play video games in his office.” (35:49)
• Ian: “Anything past that point is entitlement—thinking you’re entitled to this person’s time.” (51:20)
• Amanda: “I don’t trust this person [the pumpkin seed guy]. He sounds like a villain.” (53:36)
• Shane: “You’re revisiting the scene of the crime like a serial killer.” (55:02)
• Kelly (wrong Kelly): “No, I totally get that. That’s the worst.” (61:33)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction/Banter: 00:57–03:05
• Cake Girl Story: 03:08–25:26
• Twitch Streamer Secret: 26:56–38:58
• Fridge Friend/Bar PSA: 40:02–51:58
• Pumpkin Seed Villain: 52:10–59:40
• Wrong Kelly Confession: 61:00–63:12

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Episode Tone & Vibe

• Playful teasing of Redditors and each other
• Genuine advice mixed with goofs, puns, and pop culture riffs
• Empathy for the wronged, and no patience for entitled/unethical behavior
• Lovable chaos: Frequent interruptions, side jokes, and enthusiastic story tangents

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Summary Takeaway

This confessions-themed episode delivers Smosh’s signature blend of roast humor and real talk, unpacking everything from wedding cake fraud and failing marriages to club faux pas and mysterious pumpkins. As always, the Smosh cast brings both humanity and hilarity, offering friendly shade, unexpected empathy, and a running joke or three that’ll haunt your next pumpkin patch visit. Whether you laugh, cringe, or vow to check your cakes and texts more carefully, you’re in on the big, dysfunctional group chat that is “Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.”

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Next Episode: More Reddit mayhem, cakes, and confessions next week, hopefully with less villainous gardening.

Transcript

[Amanda]

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[Doug]

And Doug. There's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Amanda]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Doug]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Amanda]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Shane]

Liberty. Liberty.

[Amanda]

Liberty.

[Shane]

Liberty. Hi. Welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is confessions, and I'm joined by two friends who are in confession with me. What are your sins? Ian and Amanda.

[Amanda]

I haven't touched my wife since we married, and it's been 10 years, and I like that.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Amanda]

And I like that. Mm, yeah.

[Doug]

You like?

[Shane]

Okay. All right.

[Ian]

Don't know why my confession is that. I just have way too much steez.

[Amanda]

I don't like wherever that's going. And that's my confession is. I'm back with Ian on this couch, and father, we have sinned. Okay, Can I be honest, though? Going to confessional, as someone raised Catholic was very spooky.

[Shane]

I never did that.

[Ian]

What was the craziest thing that you confessed to?

[Amanda]

Oh, like, I ate meat during Lent. They're always like, what are you going to give up?

[Ian]

Just punches his arm through the thing, chokes you out.

[Amanda]

Well, whenever they go give up stuff for Lent, you go, okay, vegetables. And they're like, no.

[Ian]

Why not?

[Amanda]

Anyways.

[Shane]

Oh, sick.

[Amanda]

Yeah, pretty cool.

[Shane]

All right. Bailey has. Has told me. I. I feel like this is going to be a really good episode. What? Feel like I love when I have an episode. It's like, guys, these stories, pretty crazy.

[Amanda]

I feel very grateful because I feel like I'm in a lot of those episodes, and I feel very happy.

[Shane]

Are in some insane episodes. Yeah.

[Amanda]

And you.

[Shane]

And you.

[Ian]

No, nothing. Nothing unhinged has ever happened in one of my episodes.

[Shane]

No, that's a lie.

[Ian]

Definitely not.

[Shane]

All right, so we have some stories that have confessions in them, and our first one is a very interesting one. So stick with me on this one. It's not gonna go the way you expect. Okay, here we go. This comes from AskReddit. So the post is actually a question that's asked and the comments will give answers. This was posted back in 2012. Oh, this is an old one. This is a 14 year old post.

[Ian]

Okay. So he's like, am I the asshole for party rocking?

[Shane]

Yeah. Okay. They write, what's your secret? That could literally ruin your life if it came out. Someone commented, I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes. Every last one is made using Pillsbury cake mix. I buy for $1 a box at Walmart. I suck at baking. Every time I've ever tried to make a cake from scratch, it sucked. But baking is like my whole deal. My friends all call me the cake girl. It's like my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time, telling me how delicious they are, telling me it's so much better than box mix cake. Telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious. Well, guess what? For $1, they too can make a cake just as delicious. Just add oil, eggs, and water. In my defense, I love cake decorating. I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate. Yeah, I just hate baking fucking cakes. I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not on the cake itself, if that makes sense. Still, no one knows about this except my husband. Even my best friends think I fucking slave over the oven mixing and baking these damn cakes. I have been doing this for years. If anyone knew, my business and reputation would be in the toilet. For. I keep telling myself I have to learn how to make the damn cakes without the box mixes. But I never do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes. Whoa.

[Amanda]

This person is raging out.

[Shane]

I can't believe myself.

[Amanda]

My friends call me cake girl and

[Shane]

I hit them and they're like, why are you angry? They don't even know the truth.

[Ian]

Maybe, maybe, like, maybe I'm off for this. But I don't really see much of an issue.

[Amanda]

He doesn't think it's a big deal. And I actually kind of agree with

[Ian]

him because I think, I think, like, you still have to. You still have to be good at baking to get it right. And also they're making all their. All the fondant and other stuff from scratch.

[Amanda]

Like, and a cake mix. Honestly, cake, that's the easiest part. It's. It is the easiest part. It's just like the eggs, the flour, sifting it and all that stuff.

[Shane]

I don't know enough about baking.

[Amanda]

It's just specific measurements of like okay. The butter has to be, like, the right temp and all that stuff, so they already did it for them.

[Shane]

Is there a Pillsbury wedding cake mix, though? Because isn't wedding cake a very specific type of flavor?

[Amanda]

No.

[Shane]

Isn't it?

[Ian]

I thought wedding cake has, like.

[Amanda]

A Wedding cake can be whatever you want.

[Shane]

I know it can be whatever you want, but, like, the traditional wedding cake,

[Ian]

it would just be white cake.

[Shane]

Yeah, but I thought, like, maybe I'm wrong.

[Ian]

No, no.

[Amanda]

What? What?

[Shane]

My mom has always said her favorite type of cake is wedding cake, but she. She has said, like, there's an almond type of, like, flavor. No, like, there is a. I'm saying,

[Ian]

like, it's a white cake.

[Shane]

Yes, I understand.

[Amanda]

You could be right.

[Shane]

I think, like, tradition. Traditional. Yeah. Like, I understand people can do whatever they want.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But I think someone like my mom, who's an aficionado of wedding cake, I think your mom. Would she find her.

[Ian]

Yeah, someone.

[Shane]

Someone might clock it.

[Amanda]

Here's the deal, though. Sounds like she's doing a bunch of fondant and, like, decor on it, so they probably wouldn't even be able to taste.

[Shane]

And. And yeah, I. Someone like me would not clock it because, like, you give me a cake, I'm like, all right, look.

[Ian]

I mean, the pills.

[Shane]

I'm eating it so fast.

[Amanda]

Please do not slam any more cake. I do not want to be there to witness.

[Shane]

You're going to look away, and it's gone like Batman. It's just in my mouth. Anyways, I think.

[Ian]

I think the Pillsbury company figured it out, you know? You know, the box cake is delicious. Probably millions of dollars in R and D getting that box cake just right. And I don't think there's anything wrong to just, you know, take a little shortcut, you know, I'm sure. I'm sure all my. All my professional bakers at home can sound off. It sucks. I'm sure it's a lot of work to make.

[Amanda]

It is a lot of work because temperatures are everything. Baking is really hot. And you have to be very. You cannot mess around with baking. You have to be very specific about the ingredients. But she does all of her own fondant. That extremely difficult.

[Shane]

Does what I. I would assume is like. I mean, I'm not a baker, but I. I also want to know how much she's charging, because if she's charged, she says hundreds. She says what they're paying for is for the decoration and all that stuff.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But I'm like, if this is far cheaper than all her competitors and I'm like, yeah, then you're, you're. But also in your business. Are you saying that you're baking this from scratch? Are you lying?

[Amanda]

Of course.

[Shane]

Then you're liable. Like that is. You are. You can be. You can be sued hard.

[Amanda]

I think she probably is.

[Ian]

I mean, I don't think. I don't know how many people are like questioning the wedding cake maker. Like, is it made from scratch? I think they're probably looking at the photos and I think like, wedding cake is more of like a statement piece.

[Shane]

I agree.

[Ian]

Like, there was. There was an incident at our. That sounds wrong. So we, we had. We threw this big 20 year anniversary party at the end of the year and we had a giant donut cake made, which I think actually YouTube brought for us.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Ian]

Yeah. We did not know that it was a cake. We thought it was. We all thought it was decoration. And nobody ate it. Nobody cut into it. We did not know it was a cake. It was a giant pink frosted, sprinkled donut.

[Amanda]

Why didn't I get to that table? I didn't even get to that table. Did you? No, no, I was talking.

[Ian]

It was sitting there next to all the desserts. It was like the churros H had

[Amanda]

like a slice of.

[Ian]

And like the little tree.

[Shane]

There's probably other cakes there. I think there was a lot of. There.

[Ian]

There was a bunch of stuff. And the donut was sitting right there.

[Amanda]

And so.

[Ian]

And this is like a. This is like a two foot by two foot.

[Shane]

It was a big old doughnut.

[Ian]

Like, like one foot high, two feet high. Kind of like someone take it home. Well, I guess they gave it out to the staff.

[Shane]

Hell yeah.

[Amanda]

Oh, good.

[Shane]

As long as someone had it.

[Ian]

But. But yeah, nobody knew that it was actually cake and nobody ever cut into it.

[Shane]

Is it cake?

[Ian]

I would, I would.

[Shane]

That's also the problem is we live in an era where anything can be cake.

[Ian]

That's true.

[Amanda]

Bring in Mikey Day and let's do something right now.

[Ian]

Hold on. It.

[Shane]

Is this cake?

[Ian]

Is this microphone cake?

[Amanda]

Try it.

[Shane]

I think obviously what we're talking about is the principle of this story. And like, it's the principle of it of like, you can't lie and have your whole business model based on a lie. Like, I understand you're decorating them. You just be forthright of like, it's Pillsbury cake, but I decorate the fuck out of it and make it look amazing. If someone, if, if like someone was throwing a wedding. It's actually a very smart business model. I think because everything wedding wise is so expensive.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That it's like hey, I can decorate and make a cake look amazing. It's Pillsbury cake. But I will give you at a discounted price so you get the aesthetic. And it's going to be a delicious cake still. And people would be like hell yeah. I don't care.

[Amanda]

Like wedding cakes are so overpriced. Unless they're like epic.

[Shane]

But it's. But stuff. Wedding stuff is so expensive that it's like. But I need to know the price of this stuff. Cuz if she is charging a lot and it's similar to other wedding cakes.

[Ian]

I don't think. But, but at the end of the day it's basically the same stuff. It's still going to be flour and sugar. Yeah. But it's.

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Amanda]

I kind of get it. It's like it's the print. If she's charging a lot of money. It is kind of the principle of it.

[Shane]

Because I, I don't know. Like, I mean do you do like

[Ian]

what do you think the catering companies are doing for the rest of the food that you're eating at a wedding?

[Amanda]

Oh, I think some catering companies are doing like good stuff.

[Shane]

I think it depends. But I think but what matters is that they're honest about what they're selling.

[Ian]

Sure. Sure.

[Amanda]

Sticking with this.

[Shane]

Comments?

[Ian]

So I'm trying to start it. I'm trying to start my own wedding. Wedding cake beef company. I'm like guys, it's fine Pillsbury. It's fine.

[Shane]

It's okay.

[Ian]

That's not just a crumble cookie that I put my name on.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Jesus.

[Shane]

Yeah. Comments. How does Walmart not notice you pushing a cart out with hundreds of boxes of $1 cake mix? Whoa. Opie says haha. Well I'm a home based business so I usually at Most am buying 10 to 20 boxes at a time. I usually line the bottom of the cart with cake mix and then put all my other stuff on top. Like 10 bags of powdered sugar. Then I use the self checkout in shame and stack the boxes in my black canvas shopping bags.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

My worst fear is someone I know or worse yet whoever the cake is for while I'm there with all these boxes of cake mix. That's why I act all shady about it.

[Ian]

So funny.

[Amanda]

She should not be going out and buying that stuff. She should send someone else to do it because if she gets caught her business is.

[Shane]

This is 2012 too. This is a stone age.

[Amanda]

Let's.

[Shane]

You can't order it to your house.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God, you're so right.

[Shane]

Where cars invented and cars weren't around then. Oh, my God.

[Amanda]

Bike there.

[Shane]

You have to. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Wait, we're bike bikes. Invented.

[Shane]

They were freshly invented in 2020. Yeah.

[Ian]

They're still the wooden wheels. They didn't have rubber yet.

[Shane]

Front wheel. Small, tiny back wheel.

[Ian]

Yeah. Penny farthing.

[Amanda]

He just Flintstones it there with a huge thing.

[Shane]

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[Amanda]

If you meet.

[Shane]

This is Ian commenting

[Doug]

and Doug. There's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual, even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Amanda]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Doug]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Amanda]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Shane]

Liberty. Liberty.

[Amanda]

Liberty Liberty.

[Ian]

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[Shane]

This is genius. If you meet someone, just tell them that you're doing a charity bake thing and and that you just don't have the time to make your normal cakes for them. So you're getting a friend to come into your shop and whip up a few dozen of these. I love you a little bit, PM your shop and I'll order from you forever.

[Amanda]

Oh, someone flirting.

[Shane]

Hey Ian, Opie said. Haha. I totally did this. Once I told someone I was buying a box mix because I just needed to make cupcakes for my niece's bake sale and I didn't have time to make it from scratch. My business is small and home based. I rely only on word of mouth and and sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the business I get just from that. Someday I dream of having a real cake shop with assistants and interns. Sigh. A girl can dream.

[Amanda]

Imagine. Can I see the back of your bake shop? No. Lined with Pillsbury.

[Shane]

Who was that?

[Amanda]

Hey, it's that little guy.

[Shane]

It's that little guy.

[Amanda]

What is he by the way? A marshmallow chef.

[Ian]

He's a doughboy.

[Shane]

He's a doughboy. He's made of dough.

[Ian]

Duh. Never been to a zoo.

[Shane]

Damn.

[Ian]

Have you ever seen doughboys?

[Amanda]

No, I haven't.

[Shane]

Someone said. I am a culinary student and a mighty fine baker. My baking instructor taught us that many bakers, bakeries, catering companies, restaurants use cake mix. And why use cake mix? It's quite simple. It's what we expect. If you make a cake from scratch. It has a totally different flavor, different textures and other little things. As Americans, we expect cakes to taste like boxed cake mix. If we went to Europe, you would be shunned. Don't feel bad if you can ice a cake. You have my respect. Yeah, okay.

[Amanda]

I love educators on Reddit. I love the therapists on Reddit and the educators on red.

[Shane]

I do think it's sad though. It's sad and it does speak to like Americans of like the quality because it's like, it's like when Ireland deemed subways bread not break. They're like. It's actually more closely related to cake. Like, our bread, like, Europe is like, that's not bread. We.

[Amanda]

What we have is shame right now.

[Shane]

Our foods are so processed and that.

[Ian]

Yeah, that's what chocolate isn't. Chocolate.

[Shane]

Yeah, we're living in, like, fallout.

[Amanda]

I'm not. This sucks, you guys.

[Shane]

That's very funny. It's true.

[Amanda]

If.

[Shane]

If people were making cakes from scratch, they'd probably get more negative reviews because they're like, what is this?

[Amanda]

That's supposed to be true.

[Shane]

It's supposed to taste like boxed cake.

[Amanda]

That's so true.

[Ian]

And, like, she's still putting a lot of labor into it. It's not like she's going. She's not, like, going to, like, a publix and, like, buying a cake and then just, like, putting some decorations on the cake, you know?

[Shane]

Yeah. If the. If the baker is saying that the icing stuff is hardest, then. All right.

[Amanda]

Like, do we think all bakeries are using no boxes?

[Shane]

No. Porto's can't be. That shit is too good.

[Amanda]

Shane. What if they are?

[Shane]

What box mix are they using?

[Amanda]

Tiramisu box mix for their tres leches.

[Ian]

The three milks.

[Shane]

The three boxes.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're using three boxes with a lot of milk. It's all a lie.

[Shane]

They're using their potato ball cake mix.

[Amanda]

Oh, I love potato balls.

[Shane]

Yeah, we love potato balls.

[Ian]

Guys, nobody knows what we're talking about outside of la.

[Amanda]

It's fine.

[Ian]

Can't do this, guys.

[Amanda]

Sorry.

[Shane]

The next time you go to your local bakery, be like, all right, I want to see the back. I want to go back there. Open it up. Let me see.

[Amanda]

Open it up.

[Shane]

All right.

[Amanda]

Cake is the best thing in the entire. What's your favorite cake?

[Shane]

Ooh, okay.

[Ian]

Oh, my God. You know what? Okay, here's an underrated one. I think it's called, like, German forest cake.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ian]

So good, that one.

[Amanda]

Cherry.

[Shane]

It's rich.

[Amanda]

Is it cherry or is that black forest? That's black forest.

[Ian]

Oh, no, not black forest. The German. It's like a coconut.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Ian]

German chocolate cake, dude. I haven't had that in, like, probably a decade. But, like, dude, a good German chocolate cake.

[Shane]

Ooh, yum. There's not a cake that I won't eat, but really, I like. I don't know what cakes that I don't like, but. But I do think red velvet. Red velvet's hard to be.

[Ian]

So good.

[Shane]

So good. And isn't red velvet just, like. Yeah, just vanilla?

[Ian]

It's a lie.

[Amanda]

Coloring and cream cheese.

[Shane]

But like, some. About that food coloring red is.

[Ian]

Did you ever. Did you have the blue velvet cake? No. At milk.

[Amanda]

Oh, I love milk.

[Shane]

I think. I think the answer is I like chocolate cake.

[Ian]

There was this ice cream place in LA and they had a blue velvet cake, and apparently it. It turned your poop green.

[Shane]

Hell yeah.

[Ian]

Because it was so vibrant blue.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Ian]

Like, yeah.

[Shane]

Also, shout out to ice cream cake.

[Ian]

Okay.

[Shane]

No ice cream crake rocks Ice cream break rocks.

[Ian]

It's an inferior cake because, like, something

[Amanda]

is happening to you right now.

[Ian]

And I don't know well, but we'll

[Amanda]

keep going on Reddit stories, but are you sick?

[Ian]

Ice cream Crank Ice cream.

[Shane]

Crank ice cream Creek love ice cream cake.

[Amanda]

Okay, I'll tell you guys my favorite cake since none of you guys ass.

[Shane]

God. You posed the question.

[Amanda]

I like chocolate cake with vanilla or lavender cake. I know, it sounds fun.

[Shane]

I've never had one.

[Ian]

No, that sounds good.

[Shane]

You love fuck. You like lavender ice cream and stuff?

[Amanda]

I love lavender boobe. Let's bring in the cake.

[Shane]

A rose. Like rose or lavender?

[Ian]

Can we order some cake? Can we order some cake to the. To the show right now?

[Amanda]

Have you been to Mashi movies?

[Shane]

No.

[Amanda]

Persian ice cream. Rose, pistachio, saffron.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah, that sounds good.

[Amanda]

Naughty.

[Shane]

All right.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

Update.

[Ian]

Updates of what? A cake person.

[Amanda]

Time up.

[Ian]

Upcrake.

[Shane]

Up.

[Ian]

Up, cake.

[Amanda]

Let's get craked up.

[Ian]

Hey, Shane, remember when you said you'll eat any cake?

[Amanda]

Yeah. That was a bad.

[Ian]

That was crazy.

[Amanda]

We're gonna fuck it up for you.

[Shane]

And I stand. I stand on it.

[Ian]

All right, cool.

[Shane]

I stand on that cake and I eat.

[Amanda]

I actually think that you need to go home. You stand on it.

[Shane]

I stand on that cake.

[Amanda]

All right, give us the upquake up quick.

[Shane]

You're calling me unwell. Look at you.

[Amanda]

I've already accepted it. I'm totally fine with it.

[Shane]

All right, update from this commenter.

[Ian]

The cake lady didn't know we needed an update from this.

[Shane]

Well, we do.

[Amanda]

We've already decided we're good.

[Ian]

She's like, pillsbury is suing.

[Shane]

It's three years later. Whoa, wait, wait. Do we think they got caught? They must have gotten caught.

[Ian]

Wait, could this be what is going on? What if. What if it turns out to be Pru from the Great British Bake Off?

[Amanda]

She's leaving Great British Bake Off?

[Ian]

No, because this is from 2012.

[Shane]

This is now 2015. So she could have found her career.

[Amanda]

Tell us, is it Paul Hollywood or Pru?

[Shane]

We'll see. All Right, kiddos, Here I am. A friend texted me and said my people need me. Ha ha ha. I guess there was a thread that got big and mentioned this thread. Here's your update. I actually no longer make cakes. I got a divorce and moved into a much smaller home. And at that point, I had no place to decorate cakes. I was also really burnt out. It's an incredibly hard art, very time consuming, and requires a lot of tools and space. About a year later, I moved in with my now boyfriend. We have a pretty big kitchen. I wanted to sell my equipment and tools and the billion giant cake pans I have, but he convinced me not to. He said I should keep it on the back burner for a while and see if I want to do it again later. He didn't know me when I was a decorator, but he saw the photos and told me it would be a shame if I never did it again. I want to share some photos, but it would be so easy to trace them back to my old cake blog. Maybe I can find one or two photos that were never posted there. So they posted some photos, I guess.

[Ian]

Oh, no.

[Shane]

And now we have an update from. Three more years later, they're arrested and

[Amanda]

in jail in a small, apart, smaller.

[Shane]

I think at this stage, I care less about the cakes and more. I hope this new relationship works out.

[Amanda]

Me too.

[Shane]

She got a divorce. I was like, I didn't think, well,

[Amanda]

the guy really wanted cake. And she said, no more cake.

[Shane]

I'm done with cake. Okay. Update. Three more years later. I have a sort of hilarious update at this point. About a year and a half ago, I was diagnosed with a wheat intolerance.

[Ian]

Okay. All right.

[Shane]

Well, yep, we've got. We've got the. We've got the two wheat intolerant people in this room with us.

[Ian]

Less so for me now. I beat.

[Shane]

You beaten it.

[Ian]

I beat it.

[Amanda]

Intolerance.

[Ian]

I beat the wheat.

[Shane]

How'd you beat the.

[Ian]

I'm beating my weed every night.

[Amanda]

Hey, no.

[Shane]

Hey, no. I stand on cake. He beats the weed.

[Amanda]

This is so.

[Shane]

Yeah. What do you do, Amanda?

[Amanda]

I eat crake.

[Ian]

Okay.

[Amanda]

I love eating crepe. Stop feeding the wheat up creek.

[Ian]

I slowly glutened myself.

[Amanda]

I remember you said that you were doing that.

[Ian]

Yeah. Yeah. I think I've beaten it.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Ian]

So still afraid you eat this?

[Shane]

I'm a praise bride, but with wheat.

[Ian]

Exactly.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Hers is different.

[Shane]

No, I think Emily's will kill her.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Emily will die.

[Ian]

Emily will die. I'm just. I'm just too strong.

[Amanda]

You know, I think yours was a lie.

[Ian]

Okay.

[Shane]

All right. I was. They were diagnosed with a wheat intolerance. My intestines decided they no longer wanted to digest wheat anymore.

[Amanda]

Woo.

[Shane]

I actually just thought I was dying for a few months. It was really stressful. Anyway, I can't even fucking eat cake anymore. I still have all of my equipment and whatnot. I make a quick cake now and then, but trust me when I say gluten free cake mixes are better than anything I could make from scratch. Lol. Here's a cute little cake I made for my birthday last year. It's not amazing, but it's not bad considering I rarely make cakes anymore. That's. They're a good decorator.

[Ian]

That's a cute little unicorn.

[Shane]

This cake is. No, I was going to say cake is extremely 2017.

[Amanda]

I mean the unicorn right out the middle.

[Shane]

Just.

[Amanda]

What a crazy Craig.

[Shane]

You're never gonna let me live that down.

[Amanda]

Yeah, no.

[Shane]

Someone said Drake is forever you. They keep writing. I still receive so many messages on this account. I'm sorry if I don't reply, but I never check this account. I've got everything in that inbox from people trying to guess who I am to people giving me recipes, to people begging me for cake photos, and one guy who wanted a video of me eating cake. Oh, yes.

[Ian]

Okay, well, any new fetish unlocked.

[Amanda]

Well, has he ever seen.

[Shane]

What are you going to say? We don't know.

[Amanda]

Cake farts.

[Ian]

Oh, cake farts. Hell yeah, dude.

[Shane]

Anyhow, I'm getting married again. Woo. Second time is a charm to a dude I met on Reddit. Wait, so they're going to be boyfriend? Not the boyfriend, I think to a different person because he wanted. He wanted a dude they met on Reddit.

[Ian]

Okay.

[Shane]

And our wedding planner asked me to please not try to make my own wedding cake because she has seen it end in a stressful disaster. Asked her so many times. I'm going to take her advice and leave the cake making to someone else. And when she gets the cake, she's gonna be like, I know this is Pillberry. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Wait, this is a happy ending.

[Shane]

She got away with it.

[Amanda]

Wow. She got away with it.

[Shane]

She got away with it. I feel like I don't necessarily believe in karma, but it is funny that she's like, okay, I'm making fake cakes I'm no longer allowed to eat.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, kind of.

[Shane]

There's something.

[Amanda]

There's something kind of there.

[Shane]

Yeah, kind of there. Maybe.

[Amanda]

Yeah. No more beating the wheat.

[Ian]

So then why did I get a gluten intolerance because you're just a sinful man. That's true.

[Shane]

Back to confession.

[Ian]

I guess I'll. Yeah, Father.

[Shane]

But you were absolved.

[Ian]

I've. I've been beating my wheat.

[Amanda]

He's brought it up again.

[Shane]

So he's allowed to now because he's absolved.

[Ian]

All right. So what I do. You are say five Hail Marys. I don't know.

[Amanda]

Don't do it in the mirror.

[Shane]

I don't know. This stuff means Biggie Smalls will come.

[Amanda]

Did you just make that up? No.

[Shane]

Have you never heard the.

[Ian]

No.

[Amanda]

I would have said in the mirror if I knew that was gonna happen. I thought some creepy lady was gonna come and steal my soul. Biggie's coming.

[Shane]

It's a stupid.

[Ian]

It's.

[Shane]

I think it's a South park reference.

[Amanda]

Whatever.

[Shane]

Producer note There are eight more largely uneventful updates that span across a few years, leading this to be a 10 plus year long Reddit famous thread. Wow. This person just keeps on posting.

[Ian]

Wow.

[Amanda]

They're like, I never saw this but I'm dating again.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's like, all right.

[Ian]

But this time it's a Reddit mod. So, you know, moving up, moving up,

[Shane]

moving on up maybe. Okay, our next story.

[Amanda]

Whoa, that was one story.

[Shane]

That was one story. Okay, this comes from True off my chest and it was posted in 2022. My wife and everyone else thinks I got laid off, but really I quit so I could make a go at being a Twitch streamer. Full don't quit your job to do Twitch.

[Amanda]

No.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Oh no.

[Shane]

It is a tough career path.

[Amanda]

No, no, no.

[Shane]

All right. My wife doesn't follow or know anything about Twitch or video games at all. She doesn't have any knowledge of or connection to the industry I used to work in. She is a paramedic so she works different shifts and does not know I stream at times when she is not home. Her salary is enough to cover our bills. Although things will be a bit tighter until I start making money on my stream. I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm bringing in enough money that I can do it full time. I have never been happier and not stressed as I am now. It's easy for me to lock myself in my home office and say I'm networking and job hunting when I'm really streaming. If my wife and or my 3 year old is home. If she's not working or my daughter is not at daycare, it's harder. But I make it work. I feel a bit guilty for lying. But I have wanted to do this for a long time. No one that I know in real life knows, obviously posting this with a throwaway. Oh, so nobody know.

[Ian]

They. He thinks that. So he's just telling people that he's like job searching, but he's networking. Wouldn't she have some questions if she's hearing, go, oh, boom, headshot.

[Shane]

Okay. On me, on me. Okay, I'm down.

[Amanda]

It makes me so sad that the three year old's involved.

[Ian]

Oh, yes.

[Shane]

This is really hard.

[Ian]

He said she's a paramedic.

[Shane]

She's a paramedic. Paramedics. Paramedics should get paid more. But I don't think they get paid enough for him to be like, she can cover both of us. And him also being like, oh yeah, when this, when I start making money off of this. You can't. As someone like who got worked has been in the entertainment industry a long time. It's like it could take a long time before you make money off this

[Amanda]

makes me sad because he could be a stay at home dad right now and probably help them out a lot. Oh no, the three year old probably in school.

[Shane]

I don't know. Like, but it's the fact that he's also. He is streaming.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Someone's gonna catch him. Like, it's like, what?

[Ian]

Well, nobody, nobody's gonna catch him because he has probably two viewers. He probably has zero. I think like statistically. Yeah.

[Shane]

The average streamer has zero viewers because you either kind of have zero or you get a following.

[Amanda]

He's just playing video games.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Ian]

I mean he's, he's. Yeah. I mean there's, there's a lot of creators that, you know, they'll have, they have like the streaming or YouTube as like a side gig until it starts making money. Yeah. And then they'll leave their job. But to leave your job and start streaming and like, like before any proof of, of like success.

[Shane]

Oh my God.

[Amanda]

Because he didn't get fired. He didn't.

[Shane]

He quit. He said that he got fired. He quit. So he made this decision also. I, I do think if you're married also, especially if you have a kid, like you need to communicate to your spouse of like, I'm gonna quit my job. It's like, because it's like, oh, yeah. So she doesn't know.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That she is now the provider for the household and is for the, for a foreseeable future.

[Amanda]

And I hope she finds out and like you.

[Ian]

And I bet he knows this is a terrible idea because why else Would he keep it secret?

[Amanda]

It's true. Off my chest. He literally is like, well, this Reddit is like an anonymous thing, but it's

[Shane]

also like, no, I think we've read, we've definitely read another story about a guy who was trying to get into streaming. And like, I just think it is.

[Doug]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Amanda]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Doug]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Amanda]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Shane]

Liberty, Liberty. Liberty Liberty.

[Ian]

Tired of overpaying with DirecTV?

[Doug]

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[Ian]

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[Doug]

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[Ian]

Switch to DISH today and lock in the lowest price in satellite TV starting at $89.99 a month with our two year price guarantee. Call 888 add dish or visit dish.com today.

[Shane]

People do not realize how hard it is to break into these industries, right? Like, people clown on streamers of like, oh, it's an easy job. And it's like not an easy job. What you want of how if the job is easy or not, it is one of the hardest jobs to like get a following and make money off of.

[Ian]

I mean, at least like start a TikTok first and then use that TikTok right. To market the stream. But to just be a streamer, where are your viewers coming from?

[Shane]

Yeah, right. I do get frustrated when people are like, oh, it's the easiest job on the planet. I'm like, it's, it's really, it's, it's not. There are harder jobs, right?

[Ian]

Sure.

[Shane]

But there's a lot more know how that goes into it. Because like you're saying it's like every streamer I know, they really know how to like, you have to know marketing. You have to know like, yeah, the know how of all the platforms. You have to know how to put yourself out there, how to like clip things and put them and make get people's interest. You have to know what games you should be playing, what are hot right

[Amanda]

now, like, what's working so well for this guy?

[Ian]

But also like you say, you say like, there Are other. There are harder jobs out there. Yes. And those jobs pay money.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Like streaming as a job doesn't pay.

[Shane]

It technically doesn't pay anything.

[Ian]

It won't pay anything until you are one of the biggest streamers in which you're not even being paid really for, like, ad revenue that, like, running on your stream. You're being paid for, like, brand deals and stuff mostly.

[Amanda]

Also, like, insurance, any. Anything to help out his family.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Crazy.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

It's also a job.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's also a job that has no guarantee. He could have a successful month where he's like, I've got viewers. And then they could go away. Yeah. Like, this is not a sustainable future.

[Amanda]

This makes me really mad. Because of the three year old.

[Shane]

Yeah. It would make me mad no matter what. But yeah. And if this guy was single, if I knew this guy and he's like, I'm quitting my job to stream, I'd be like, you should keep your job and you should stream. Yeah, you can.

[Amanda]

Well, he wouldn't be able to do this without his wife's paycheck.

[Shane]

I know. And she doesn't realize she's supporting his.

[Amanda]

That is upsetting.

[Shane]

Comments. That's such a horrible thing to do. You do absolutely nothing for your household. And a liar, too. Damn. Okay, so someone said, you are being a really, really bad husband. If I was your wife, I would not care if you started making money doing this because I would be heartbroken that you lied and deceived me and not over something small. Over quitting your job. The entire financial burden is now on her and she doesn't even know what if she decides to quit or gets fired. You guys would be up Schitt's creek without a paddle. Not being dramatic, but I would leave you over this. This is insanity. Someone said, yikes. You're lying to your wife and putting both of your financial futures at risk. Chances are you will never make a significant amount of money from Twitch. You just won't. For the vast majority of people, any kind of content creation is a hobby, not a career. Child.

[Amanda]

Whoa.

[Shane]

They're going hard.

[Amanda]

And you know what? He deserves it. Yeah. And the only thing he never even expressed, like, oh, shoot, this is all my wife. Whatever. He's like, I've always wanted to do this, and I do kind of feel bad.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Like, he never really expressed remorse. That bad.

[Ian]

I feel like. I know this is going a bit extreme, but I feel like he's not cut out to be a dad, like, or to be a parent. Like, I think, you know, you, you can't just make those kinds of self. It's a selfish decision because it, you know, it's always been my dream to be a streamer brother. You have a three year old child. Like, the kid comes first always. I don't think that's a crazy take. Like, the kid should come first. Why are you pursuing your. Your dreams at the risk of. Or your child's life?

[Amanda]

I agree. Or at least, like, if you have a kid, you and your partner are in like a massive partnership and everything needs to be discussed.

[Ian]

Yeah, for sure.

[Amanda]

Everything is a group decision.

[Shane]

Yeah. Also, it's just, it's like, it's like we know this guy has no viewers right now because he just started doing this and he's like, yeah, this is my dream. I'm like, no, man, you just wanted to have no responsibility and play video games in your office.

[Amanda]

Yeah, it's possible.

[Shane]

Come on, man. Like, you're not treating this like a job, right? Talk about this like a job you're talking about. Like, I just want to go in there and play video games.

[Amanda]

It makes me so sad that he's in a closed office and the wife is probably like, oh, yeah, we can't go in there and disturb daddy because he's working.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Oh, this like, gets me.

[Shane]

I know.

[Amanda]

Let's find him.

[Shane]

Well, we have an update, and I

[Amanda]

think it's from an upcrack.

[Shane]

You're never. It's going to be years from now.

[Amanda]

I'm done. No, I'm. I'm done.

[Shane]

We're. We're going to be in our 60s and we're going to reconnect after years. And you're going to be like, reconnect.

[Amanda]

Okay, like, we're breaking up.

[Shane]

No, like, maybe I'll, like, I'll run. Like, we'll see each other in our 60s. And then also I'll be like, oh, Amanda. Like, up, Craig.

[Amanda]

We'll run into each other in like a, you know, Croatia or something. I guess after we, yeah. Broken up. And I'm reconnected.

[Shane]

We're both at a, at like a restaurant. I see you from across and you go. I go, oh, Amanda.

[Amanda]

And I go like this.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Amanda]

And that's it.

[Ian]

Is that. How. Is that.

[Shane]

How bad.

[Ian]

Okay.

[Shane]

We're gonna end like Batman.

[Amanda]

All I can think about is Christian Bale and what's his name.

[Ian]

Why do we get up again? Batman. Begin.

[Amanda]

Thank you.

[Shane]

All right, Batman up, Craig. All right, update. And I think it's from a good time afterwards because he Writes, I know I'll probably get flamed, but I get it. I understand that I am the one who ruined my life and my marriage. My divorce was finalized a year ago. Yeah, she found out about six months after I posted. He let this go on for six months?

[Ian]

He's, hey, look, the job market's hard out there, you know, it's just. He's not a good person trying to find that job.

[Shane]

I understand that I was wrong and that I screwed up. I regret my stupidity so much. She left our flat with our daughter and went to live with her sister and hired a solicitor, and that was it. Don't be stupid like me. We've been divorced for a year, and I found out she just started dating again. I'm gutted. I miss her. I miss my daughter because she only lives with me half the time. Whenever I see my wife's sister or other members of her family, they give me the stink eye. I can't believe I was such a lazy fuck while she was out there busting her ass. As a paramedic, I understand why everyone hates me and sided with her. I know I'll get judged either way. But I'm posting in case anyone understands what I'm going through and being gutted when your ex starts dating again.

[Amanda]

Well, now I'm here.

[Ian]

Now I'm just sad.

[Amanda]

I don't. I don't care at all.

[Shane]

Kind of like, hey, man.

[Amanda]

Like, actually really happy that his wife was like, peace.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

I mean, I felt like it was kind of inevitable. Like, he really set himself up for failure.

[Shane]

It'll. It's borderline. Like, were you sabotaging your life? But I don't really. Yeah, it's kind of like, all right, man, your sob story. I'm like, what are you doing? Like, what are you doing for your daughter now? What are you doing for your own life now? Yeah, I don't want to hear about how sad you are that she's dating again. Like, that's part of divorce. Yeah. You didn't care about your marriage when you were in it.

[Amanda]

Oh, to divorce when your child is three. It's really, really hard.

[Shane]

He doesn't care about his daughter. He's not talking about his daughter here. He's not himself.

[Amanda]

She's seeing someone else.

[Shane]

He's like, my life is so awful.

[Ian]

No.

[Shane]

100% about, like, hey, man, aren't you like, oh, you know what? I realized it was really stupid. Yes, I screwed up, but I really am trying to be the best father I can be to my daughter and I'm working on all this.

[Amanda]

This is what I'm going through.

[Shane]

I'm just like, okay, dude.

[Ian]

And the man that the. The ex wife is now dating. XQC

[Amanda]

What?

[Shane]

My. My ex wife is now dating Queso. And I'm gunning. He's so funny. He has so many viewers.

[Amanda]

Oh, Twitch streamers. No, no, no. Totally ca.

[Ian]

No, I got careers out of.

[Amanda]

No, Yeah, I got it crazy. No, I got it super cool.

[Shane]

All right.

[Amanda]

She's probably dating a paramedic. Come on.

[Ian]

Our doctor, maybe.

[Shane]

Oh, helicopter. A helicopter pilot.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. And her and her daughter are like, flying over the waterfalls in Kawaii. And they're like, oh, look at that.

[Shane]

So cool.

[Amanda]

She's like, you're so awesome. And he's like, I love you.

[Ian]

Yeah. And then what?

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. They've said I love you to each other. Upbrake upgrade.

[Ian]

Oh, they're going to need a wedding cake pretty soon. I think we know someone.

[Amanda]

Done.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah, cuz. Yeah. The wheat intolerance. Yeah. Shoot.

[Shane]

Our next story, this comes from True, off my chest. And it was posted in 2025. July of 2020. Whoa. Getting a little more recent than 2012 PSA. If you're the friend who blocks guys from talking to your attractive friend, you're not protecting anyone. You're just being controlling. Whoa. All right, I need to vent about something that happened last weekend, and I'm curious if other guys have experienced this. I'm 31, have a decent career, been told I'm good looking, and generally don't have issues meeting people. I've had my fair share of success dating, and usually feel pretty confident in social situations. But last Saturday at this club downtown, I encountered something that just blew my mind. There was this absolutely stunning woman at the bar. Let's call her Sarah. She was. She was clearly interested, making eye contact, smiling when I looked at her, the whole nine yards. So I walk over to introduce myself and immediately this other woman. Let's call her Fridge.

[Amanda]

What the hell?

[Shane]

Jesus Christ.

[Amanda]

What a nightmare.

[Shane]

Yeah, he's doing.

[Ian]

He's doing a lot of.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. I'm really. I'm really listening to your PSA right now. So I walk over to introduce myself and immediately this other woman. Let's call her Fridge.

[Ian]

Literally ugly skank.

[Shane]

Yeah, that literally steps between us. She's not interested, the Fridge says, arms crossed like a bouncer. But here's the thing. Sarah was clearly interested. She was giving me the look, you know, she even tried to step around her friend to continue Our conversation. But the fridge kept repositioning herself like some kind of human wall. This went on for 20 minutes.

[Amanda]

This is very funny.

[Shane]

Yeah. This went on for 20 minutes. Every time.

[Ian]

20 minutes.

[Shane]

Every brother.

[Ian]

Just walk away.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Every time I tried to have a normal conversation with Sarah, the fridge would interrupt with, she has a boyfriend. She didn't. She's not looking to meet anyone tonight. She obviously was. Or just physically blocking access. The most frustrating part, Sarah looked genuinely annoyed with her friend's behavior, too. At one point, she literally mouthed sorry to me over the fridge's shoulder. I've seen this before, but never this extreme. It's like some women have appointed themselves as the official gatekeeper to their attractive friends. They act like they're protecting them, but from what? A normal conversation with a respectful guy. Look, I get it. Yeah.

[Ian]

Respectful guy. That refers to a dumpster. Blocking me again.

[Amanda]

God, I'm a knight.

[Shane]

Look, look, I get it. If a guy is being creepy or aggressive, then absolutely step in. But I was being completely respectful. Sarah was clearly interested, and this woman was just blocking for the sake of blocking. I genuinely don't understand the psychology here. The worst part is that it's not just hurting the guy. It's taking away Sarah's ability to make her own decisions about who she wants to talk to. Honestly, it's making me want to avoid group approaches entirely. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Walk away.

[Ian]

Yeah. Yeah. This is what. Also, like, he's. This is unreliable narrator, too.

[Amanda]

Absolutely. She was like, sorry, I really want to talk to you, but the fridge is blocking me.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

I'm so sorry. Oh, my God, your friend is awful.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's. And I could.

[Ian]

I could even see her. I guess I could see her still saying sorry just to, like.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Not be. Not sure. You know, the whole thing of, like, we don't.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

You don't want to piss off a random man at a bar because. Because things.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Be scary.

[Ian]

So. So, like, yeah. Her friend running defense and then Sarah being like, sorry. Like, I could see that.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Like, also, he said she had a boyfriend, but then he was like, oh, she didn't.

[Shane]

And he goes in parentheses. She didn't. It's like, how do you.

[Amanda]

How do you know?

[Shane]

Did she say that? She didn't.

[Amanda]

Also, was she really, like, looking at him?

[Shane]

I. I have a hard time believing that, too, because as we know, like, some guys will take, like, the smallest little thing and be like, oh, she's in love with me and she wants to have sex with me.

[Ian]

Or she was looking at him because she's like, why does this guy keep staring at me?

[Shane]

Or she could be.

[Amanda]

Do we. Do we know each other?

[Shane]

Yeah. There'd be a million explanations. Yeah. Real quick, the top comment, I think, really kind of nails this in a way. I've had friends run interference before without me asking them to, but if I was ever interested in someone, they never did this. Sarah obviously never corrected her friend. Yes. She wasn't interested. Most of us don't like men who refer to women as fridges. More at 6. Good use of that. Yeah. Him, like, trying to buy, like, sell us on this, but referring to a woman as the fridge. Yeah. Like, referring to the woman that he's not interested in as an object. I'm like, yeah. I think this tells me everything.

[Amanda]

Like, as. As a woman, it is a rite of passage that you are going to have those friends, those. Those sisters who fight for you on your behalf, whether you want it or not. It's just, like, part of the deal. And sometimes it's like, hey, I can handle myself. And sometimes it's like, hey, thanks for taking care of me. Like, it just happens.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

But it's honestly up to Sarah to be like, I'm not interested. And if this went on for 20 minutes, I have a feeling that if Sarah's friends with the fridge, if she was interested in this guy, she'd be like, oh, okay. Hey. Yeah, you know, back down. Amy is probably her name. And she's probably like, okay, back down. Like, I got it. Like, I actually was kind of interested.

[Shane]

Absolutely.

[Amanda]

And also, if she was interested, you know, who's gonna know first? The friend. Yeah, she's gonna go, that guy's cute. Oh, he's coming over. Yeah, she probably went, oh, this guy's coming over. Oh, God. Oh, God, this is gonna be so awkward. And the fringe was like, I got it. Yeah, that's probably.

[Shane]

Why don't you worry about it.

[Amanda]

I've.

[Ian]

Don't you worry about it. I just don't know, like, how does something like this continue for 20 minutes? What's the conversation? I don't know what's the conversation there. But. But. But I just wanna. But.

[Shane]

But can I. There's no. The. The. The amount of times I've. I've not seen it, but I've heard about just men being relentless.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, forever.

[Amanda]

Oh, this has absolutely happened to me. And my little sister has been like, bro, if you don't back up, I'm gonna do something. And he's like, oh, okay. So anyways, they don't.

[Shane]

It doesn't There's a video, and it could be staged, but I've heard of this happening to people. There's a video of its New Year's. Like, New Year's. Like, right as the ball drops. Girls. Girls celebrating together. And they're, like, cheering because the. The fireworks are going off, and this guy walks up to try to talk to them, and they're truly just trying to ignore him and just be like. And he just doesn't leave.

[Ian]

Just.

[Shane]

And it's as like. It's like.

[Ian]

It's so.

[Shane]

And they're just trying to cheer, and they're just kind of like, yeah, yeah, it's midnight, and he's truly just there, like, trying to talk to them, and he's like, acting like, you guys are being ridiculous.

[Amanda]

You like champagne? God, you guys are like.

[Shane]

It's like they're having a moment. Like, they're. Yeah, they're doing their thing. It's kind of agonizing, especially at a bar where there's alcohol. Like, it's like, if this guy's a. If this guy's already clueless, and then he's a couple drinks in, and he's more clueless.

[Amanda]

Just because we're dressed up, we want to show off our bodies, we want to have a good time with our friends in a public space does not mean it's for you. It's for us.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

It's for our friends. And if it's for you, trust me, you will know. If we want it, you will know we will make it.

[Ian]

I'm pretty sure it was for me. I'm pretty sure it was all for me.

[Amanda]

So clear, like, what is the deal? And also, you know what I also hate is when people overcorrect when they, like, literally, like, well, I couldn't go

[Shane]

up to you because, like, you know,

[Amanda]

the MeToo movement, everything, it's like, yes, okay, there's that, too. But it's just like, trust me, you will know.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

When we want to give you the time.

[Shane]

Nobody has a problem with him going up the first time, being like, hey. And being told, like, no.

[Amanda]

And be like, yeah, no, we're good. And the friend said it. Yeah.

[Doug]

And, Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual, even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Amanda]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Doug]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human? Him To a bird.

[Amanda]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Shane]

Liberty. Liberty.

[Amanda]

Liberty.

[Shane]

Liberty.

[Amanda]

I drive my bus in a busy city. That's why road safety is so important to me. I know that I must slow down and be extra careful when I make a wide turn. Buses need more room than cars. Everyone can help keep our roads safe. Next time you're driving, remember to give buses plenty of time and space to finish turning before driving ahead.

[Shane]

Head.

[Amanda]

Let's all plan to share the road safely. Learn how at www.share the road safely.gov.

[Shane]

it's like, fine. It's like, all right, if Sarah's really interested, you made the move, and she'll be like, actually, I do want to talk to him. And like, but. But then. Then you hold off and like, hey, and if it doesn't happen, doesn't happen, man. Like, stop bothering them.

[Amanda]

That's the issue is, like, I don't. Like, I don't want men to be so afraid that they have to, like, cower. But, but, but.

[Shane]

But if your friend is saying, I think there's. As someone who is afraid of making people uncomfortable, I also think it's been a tactic sometimes of making women feel bad for the boundaries that are set, where it's like, well, we. We're pointing out that uncomfortable. And the guys are going, well, because you're a. Because you guys have set boundaries, now we can't say anything. It's like, okay.

[Amanda]

And it's like, we're human beings. So when you go up to a human being and you test the waters and they say, no, thank you. Go. Okay, great, I'm gonna leave now.

[Ian]

Yeah, done.

[Amanda]

And it's as simple as that. But their egos get involved. They feel so rejected. So this guy probably just stood there and they probably had their setup, their drinks. They. They probably waited for a spot at the bar. They're like, well, we're not leaving.

[Ian]

Right?

[Amanda]

And he probably just stood there forever.

[Shane]

Also, this guy's writing a whole Reddit post about this interaction. It's just like, hey, man, let it go. Like, I'm sorry. Like, that's another day. Go. There's a bunch of people out there. If you're going to bars, like, also,

[Amanda]

she's friends with the fridge, so if you even got in a date with her.

[Shane]

Exactly.

[Amanda]

Guess who's gonna show up? The fridge.

[Shane]

The fridge is there.

[Amanda]

She's gonna pick up her friend.

[Shane]

But it's just like, yeah, he has no respect for.

[Amanda]

For oh, this is so, so annoying.

[Shane]

Another comment says, I hope there's a fridge, stove, dishwasher, butcher block, craftsman's tool chest, and Jeep Grand Cherokee surrounding all your future conquests.

[Amanda]

Jeep Grand Cherokee.

[Ian]

You got to watch out for that one.

[Amanda]

Yeah, that one.

[Shane]

Well, that's if the fridge had gone dead. Lastly, someone said, I'm a woman, and I've seen this play out multiple times in club settings. Sarah did not want you, and her friend was running interference. The friend was playing bad cops so they could safely reject people like you. Yeah. You know how many men probably came up to her wanting to talk and also had to be rejected? And now here you are running to Reddit about it, thinking you have it all figured out. Tale as old as time. You know nothing about how women operate.

[Ian]

Yeah, there's just this, like, sense of entitlement, of, like, I'm entitled to this stranger's time.

[Shane]

Absolutely.

[Ian]

And it's like. And. And I think you. You make a really good point, Amanda, of being like, it's okay to, like, go up and say hi and introduce yourself. There's nothing wrong with that.

[Amanda]

Absolutely.

[Ian]

But anything past that point is entitlement. Thinking that you're entitled to this person's time.

[Shane]

And.

[Amanda]

And, you know, it's. It's. It's not the easiest thing for us to go, hey, I'm not interested. No, thank you. It's not the easiest thing in the world. It's awkward. It's uncomfortable. We want to just enjoy. We don't want to deal with that either. So when we say it, we're saying it because we have enough respect for the moment and ourselves to be like, hey, like, no worries. All good. But, like, I have a boyfriend or whatever. And then when you react, act like that, it's like, all right, we're. This is not simpatico.

[Ian]

We're not on the same page, Cherokee.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Yeah. Now I have to fight. And now my night's ruined.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

All right, our next story.

[Amanda]

Oh, wow.

[Shane]

Is a confession that came from January of 2025. I carry pumpkin seeds in my pocket and plant them everywhere I go. I've been doing this for over 20 years.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

This is the type of confession I love.

[Amanda]

I love Johnny.

[Shane]

That's just. That's just a wild pumpkin man. The pumpkin man.

[Amanda]

Ew, that sounds so creepy.

[Shane]

Johnny Pumpkin seed.

[Ian]

Ew.

[Amanda]

Sounds like Mr. Pumpkins from SNL. Remember Mr. S Pumpkins?

[Ian]

Yeah, his.

[Shane]

I'm his own thing. I love that sketch.

[Amanda]

Me, too.

[Ian]

I've actually never seen it, David. I've Actually never seen.

[Shane]

You've never watched Tom Hanks? My millennial ass loves that skin so much. I think it's so funn.

[Amanda]

Cuz it's absurd. There's nothing happening.

[Shane]

It makes no sense. That's why I love it. And it's Tom Hanks. Yeah. It's so good, man. You got to watch it. It's so. All right.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

I carry pumpkin seeds in my pocket and plant them everywhere I go. I've been doing this for over 20 years. There is no reason that I do this other than I find it funny. I hear whispers. I don't know how a pumpkin grew here.

[Ian]

Lol.

[Shane]

I never run out of seeds. I got pumpkin patches across the country. Till next time, lend a hand, leave a smile.

[Ian]

What?

[Amanda]

I don't trust this person.

[Shane]

I will say.

[Amanda]

Can I.

[Shane]

Can I be honest? What he's doing is. Is harmless. Maybe even benevolent. I do think there's something about this guy that is more sinister in nature than everybody else.

[Amanda]

I think he sounds like a villain.

[Shane]

I think this guy is evil. He's like, he's.

[Ian]

These little seeds need some fertilizer. Yeah, look, he's got like bodies in the trunk.

[Shane]

We have no. Nothing to point that he is a.

[Ian]

He's planting a seed with a human finger and oh my God, it comes

[Shane]

out like there's an update. It's like actually where the police. We found this guy. He is. He's murdered many people.

[Amanda]

Yeah, well, you go to a pumpkin patch and he's like, this is all mine. I.

[Shane]

This.

[Amanda]

This is my land.

[Shane]

This is hilarious.

[Amanda]

I kind of can't with this man.

[Shane]

It's something about it being pumpkin.

[Amanda]

What's his name? Well, Charles.

[Ian]

I kind of. I wish it was a more edible food because like most people. Most people don't eat pumpkins.

[Amanda]

Like a squash guy.

[Shane]

If it was more of a puree. Really good for you.

[Ian]

Yeah, but people don't do that.

[Amanda]

Yeah. It's so cute.

[Ian]

People always just like Halloween. They just throw their pumpkins away. They don't even keep the seeds.

[Shane]

Usually he's like, oh my God.

[Ian]

Halloween.

[Amanda]

Let's dig into them and carve them up.

[Shane]

I always baked the seeds.

[Ian]

Oh yeah.

[Shane]

These are so good.

[Amanda]

Pepitas.

[Shane]

They're so good.

[Ian]

You make pepitas?

[Shane]

Yeah, I do. Put a little salt on them.

[Ian]

Nice.

[Shane]

Love them.

[Amanda]

What would pumpkin guy think about that?

[Shane]

I guess it'd be atrocious to him because he likes to plant the seeds.

[Amanda]

Yeah, he likes to plant them and see what grows and then take over the land.

[Shane]

I think pumpkins though. Wouldn't. How well do they grow in my.

[Amanda]

I don't think anything's growing in his pet.

[Shane]

I think he's.

[Ian]

I don't know.

[Amanda]

He's like, I visited again and there was a city.

[Shane]

I like. I like how he's like, I hear whispers. How did a pumpkin grow here? I'm like, you're revisiting the scene of the crime like a serial killer?

[Ian]

Oh, yeah, the whispers.

[Amanda]

The whispers are not okay, people.

[Ian]

I kind of feel like we should all plant pumpkins around our places of residence and see if it works.

[Amanda]

Wait, that means he's gonna show up?

[Shane]

I don't think there's any. I would have a hard time believing that pumpkins would grow in LA. We have days that reach like 105 degrees nowadays. Wouldn't that kill it?

[Amanda]

This is really creepy to me.

[Ian]

My gourd knowledge is not good. So I don't know.

[Shane]

I don't know about what.

[Ian]

It's not a gourd.

[Shane]

It's not gourd.

[Ian]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Amanda]

It's not gourd.

[Shane]

It's not gourd.

[Amanda]

It's not good.

[Ian]

Okay. Anyway.

[Shane]

Anyways. All right. It's not very gourd comments. Someone said, Johnny pumpkin seed. We already said that.

[Amanda]

We already said that.

[Ian]

Way ahead of you.

[Shane]

Someone said, I have a week. We reply, you, we already.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Someone said, I have a buddy who does this in downtown Detroit with sunflower seeds. He plants them in sad looking places and goes back and takes photos once they grow.

[Ian]

Okay. I've heard of people doing this.

[Shane]

Flowers feels better.

[Amanda]

Sunflower guy sounds fun.

[Shane]

Flowers. I've seen people do it with wildflowers. Yes, yes. That's sweet. As long as they're local. If you do it with local wildflowers, I approve.

[Ian]

Yeah, okay.

[Shane]

Someone said. So it was you. A random pumpkin grew at my apartment complex. Learned the hard way. The stems are spiky. Oh, so he is sinister.

[Amanda]

We knew it. He's trying to take over the US.

[Shane]

He's a Batman villain.

[Ian]

Yeah. Oh my God, definitely.

[Amanda]

What does he wear overalls?

[Shane]

Ew.

[Amanda]

Probably.

[Ian]

I like overall farmer, but not with a straw hat.

[Shane]

I finally found you, pumpkin man.

[Amanda]

Batman again, you guys.

[Shane]

Yeah, everything's Batman. Yeah. Lastly, someone said, oh, where have you done your distribution as a newlywed? Put in a flower garden out front, but somehow ended up with a very enthusiastic cherry tomato bush and a horking huge pumpkin. Neighbors fucking.

[Amanda]

I also don't like the whole of these people. Horton. Here's a whole. I built a garden somehow Pumpkin guy.

[Shane]

Not the worst person.

[Amanda]

Now it's a newlywed making a garden.

[Shane]

Yikes. My horking huge pumpkin neighbors literally would stop to see if it was real. Probably 25 to 30 pounds. And we made masses of pumpkin puree from it. Hey, you keep doing this. You may have just inspired me too. Opie responded, only in the USA so far. But I fear I just say US of A. Only in the USA so far, But I fear I've said too much. The villain side of me wishes to reveal everything, while the magician side wishes to reveal nothing. I feel torn. Till next time. Lend a hand, leave a smile. Sincerely, Carl.

[Ian]

Carl.

[Amanda]

Did I say Charlie?

[Shane]

You said Charles.

[Ian]

Why does he keep signing off?

[Amanda]

He keeps saying that, and I feel something happening. It's like if you watch this for seven days, you're gonna get. Don't say that phrase again.

[Ian]

What do you say? Help a hand, leave a smile.

[Shane]

All of a sudden I'm talking. All of a sudden I go, oh, I don't mind.

[Amanda]

And I go, no, that's a horse.

[Ian]

That's a horrid huge vine coming out of me.

[Amanda]

The vine goes through me and it goes through.

[Ian]

Oh, no, oh no.

[Shane]

Oh no.

[Amanda]

Oh no. And then the. Then the pumpkins grow here. And then. And then Ian just goes, pepitas.

[Ian]

Pepitas. Now we got lots of pepitas.

[Amanda]

Carl is way worse because Charles is like, okay, he's kind of fun, a little proper.

[Shane]

Carl is like sinister. Carl is Carl. Carl the pumpkin man.

[Amanda]

He wears overalls and like, big boots.

[Shane]

Yeah, somebody needs black.

[Ian]

Somebody needs to make fan art of Carl.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I want to see Carl the Pumpkin. Johnny Pumpkin seed.

[Shane]

Oh, despise him. Someone must stop.

[Amanda]

Don't ever say his phrase again.

[Doug]

Help a hand.

[Amanda]

Don't miss mine. No, that's not even it.

[Ian]

What is it?

[Shane]

Leave us. Lend a hand, leave a smile.

[Ian]

Lend a hand, leave a smile.

[Amanda]

Are you crazy?

[Ian]

Leave us. You're letting in. Well, we're not talking in a mirror, so Biggie smiles won't.

[Shane]

One more comment from Carl. Someone commented. Lmao. I just came from a dark and sad thread outlining the dark future of America, and your post completely changed my brainwave. Thanks so much. Keep doing you. Boo. And Carl responded.

[Amanda]

Oh, no.

[Shane]

He's like, carl, this is becoming a creepy pasta. Yeah, he's. He responded. Even if we enter an apocalyptic type world, there will always be dark and always be light. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. I find it where I can. I find peace in little moments. I hope you find peace too, fellow traveler. Lend A hand, leave a smile. Sincerely, Carl. He spoke.

[Amanda]

No, Ian. Oh, he's gone. He spoke. They.

[Shane]

There's. They commented me like, yeah, I'm really nervous about the future of America. And he. He wrote like a dark time. As if he's like a prophet of the future.

[Amanda]

Dark times are important.

[Shane]

My little ones are coming.

[Amanda]

My little seed. Dark times are good.

[Shane]

We must plant the seeds of positivity for the future.

[Amanda]

Oh, I hate this.

[Shane]

Carl will kill us all.

[Ian]

What if. What if Carl saves us from the apocalypse?

[Amanda]

No, he won't.

[Ian]

When, like, everything. When everything, like, you know, collapses. The pumpkins are the only things that sustain us.

[Shane]

Yeah. What if one day we wake up and on the news it's like, oh, my God, Trump, Putin, and Netanyahu, all found with pumpkins growing out of their faces. It's like, oh, what happened?

[Amanda]

This is the last of us. So hard right now.

[Ian]

The last of us. But pumpkin.

[Shane]

But pumpkin.

[Amanda]

I will say we kind of called it your first, like, intro to this. We were like, oh, he's a villain. And he said the words himself.

[Shane]

He said he's a villain, but also a magician.

[Amanda]

Magician.

[Shane]

Which is worse.

[Amanda]

Oh, what is he making disappear? Children? Us. Wait, I'm spooked.

[Shane]

I'm. I'm scared.

[Ian]

I'm harkin scared.

[Shane]

I'm orkin scared.

[Amanda]

Here's a hill. I'm a newlywed.

[Shane]

We have one final quick story here.

[Ian]

We were gonna. We were gonna cut and end the show, but we. We just got the go ahead. We could do this last story. So here's a bonus.

[Shane]

All right. This comes from. Well, that sucks. This was posted in March of this year. This was posted 2 days ago. As of recording this, well, sent this confession to the wrong Kelly. Wrong. So they have multiple Kelly's in their contacts. Sent it to the wrong one. They go, they write, this is a text. I'm extra pissed today because my coochie lips keep falling out of my underwear. And it keeps chafing. Crying emoji.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God.

[Ian]

I mean, look, we've all been there.

[Shane]

And. And Kelly responds, no, I totally get that. That's the worst. OP Responds with the crying emoji. And then laughing, crying emoji. And then Kelly responds, it's always great when it happens at the gym too. Crying emojis, like, sad like, oh, yeah, emojis. They go, no. And then they respond, OP responds, no, wrong Kelly. I'm so sorry. Oh my God.

[Ian]

Kelly's such a good sport.

[Shane]

Yeah, Kelly's a real one.

[Amanda]

Which Kelly is this Kelly?

[Shane]

Don't know.

[Amanda]

And how did they know? How did they, like, I think they

[Shane]

just realized after a minute. I like, oh, yeah.

[Ian]

Different last name, but they were just

[Shane]

like, no, I totally get it. It's the worst.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I love them. I mean, and they were also, like, and at the gym.

[Ian]

Right.

[Shane]

You said, I don't think you sent it to the wrong Kelly. I think you sent it to the right. Yeah, yeah.

[Amanda]

They. Yes. And. And they're like, there's always. I've always wanted to talk to you about this, actually.

[Ian]

Yeah, I've been meaning to.

[Amanda]

Wrong Kelly. Wrong, my ass. I'm the right Kelly.

[Shane]

Comments? Someone said, I like Kelly better than Op. Op said, me too, to be honest. Someone said, you'd better pivot this into a stronger friendship with the wrong Kelly. Like, it was the right Kelly, to be honest.

[Amanda]

Ah.

[Shane]

Someone said, at least she was a homegirl about it. I'd be mortified, but relieved to know someone can relate. Opie said, that was basically the turn of events. Then I had to tell the Internet about it.

[Amanda]

I have to know who this Kelly is. Is she like her, you know, teacher when she was younger?

[Shane]

I, I, we don't know anything about therapist.

[Ian]

We can only assume, whoever it was, I mean, they're very helpful. I mean, you could, you could almost say that she lent a hand and left a smile.

[Amanda]

No, that's not.

[Shane]

And now he's going to kill us.

[Amanda]

And I can't believe you said it again.

[Shane]

Yeah. Sucks. That's the new Smosh motto.

[Amanda]

I never want to see a pumpkin in my life.

[Ian]

Put it in the new studio.

[Shane]

Leave a smile.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

Big, like, I can't wait.

[Shane]

On the next Reddit set that's covered in pumpkin vines. On the, on the new Reddit set, which you're going to see next Saturday, it will be right above.

[Amanda]

And we're just gonna have a whole thing of cake.

[Shane]

Yeah. Pillsbury Doughboy cake.

[Amanda]

Doughboy. I'll be a doughboy for Halloween. Up, Craig.

[Ian]

That's gonna be the new bow. That's really insensitive. If you dress up as a doughboy,

[Shane]

you think it's extreme.

[Amanda]

Isn't he basically naked the whole time with, like, a little sash?

[Shane]

He doesn't even have a sash.

[Ian]

Yeah, he's just going fully. He's full.

[Amanda]

But he has a hat.

[Ian]

He has a hat.

[Shane]

He has a hat.

[Amanda]

Well, that's fine. I'm like, happy Halloween. Everyone's like, cover her up. She's naked.

[Ian]

Hide him.

[Shane]

Anyways, thank you both for joining me for these confessions.

[Ian]

Thank you.

[Amanda]

Anytime.

[Ian]

This is crazy.

[Amanda]

Are we safe?

[Shane]

No.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Shane]

Anyways, and thank you all for watching, and we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye.

[Amanda]

Stop saying it.

[Doug]

And, Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Amanda]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Doug]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Amanda]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Shane]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.