Dating Is Cooked | Reading Reddit Stories

Summary

Smosh Reads Reddit Stories – "Dating Is Cooked | Reading Reddit Stories"

Episode Date: May 2, 2026
Host: Shane Topp
Guests: Chance and Elle (Smosh cast)
Theme: Dating – the disasters, absurdities, and unexpected twists drawn from Reddit’s wildest personal stories

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Shane, Chance, and Elle dig into some of Reddit's most bizarre and revealing dating-related confessions and conflicts. With their trademark witty banter and honest reactions, the Smosh crew analyzes relationship dilemmas ranging from secret kinks to cheese-fueled financial meltdowns. The tone throughout is irreverent, empathetic, and unfiltered—a true ride through the chaos modern dating has to offer.

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Key Stories & Discussions

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1. Crush Fetish or Just Bugging Out?

Segment Start: [02:20]
Reddit Post: “Am I Overreacting: He keeps hinting at an unusual kink.”

Summary:

A woman recounts how a new Tinder match repeatedly brings up his fascination with women crushing bugs—with their bare hands. Despite his insistence it's “not sexual,” the insistence and escalation make her deeply uncomfortable.

Key Discussion Points:

• Red Flags Early On:
  Shane and co. highlight how odd this persistent focus is, especially so early in “just the talking stage.”
  “This is two weeks in. He’s dropping hits. That’s intense.” – Shane [06:00]

• Kink Compatibility:
  Debate on when something moves from a quirky topic to an unwanted sexual kink and the legitimacy of being unsettled by it.
  “You're not kink shaming by being like, oh, not compatible for me.” – Shane [08:04]

• Online Commentary:
  Hosts reference comments noting it’s a “crush fetish” linked to the giantess fetish: wanting to be bug-sized and squished.

• Resolution:
  The woman blocks the guy after confronting him, validating her boundaries.

Notable Quotes:

“There is a kink for everything, isn’t there?” – Chance [05:16]
“If you’re just in the talking phase on Tinder... don’t bring up bugs at all.” – Shane [10:07]

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2. Naming the Car: Endearing or Embarrassing?

Segment Start: [12:25]
Reddit Post: “Am I the asshole for telling my girlfriend the way she talks about her car is weird and embarrassing?”

Summary:

A man complains about his girlfriend referring to her car, Angie, as if it’s a beloved pet (“giving Angie a bath,” “getting Angie something to drink”). His frustrated outburst embarrasses her in front of friends, sparking silent treatment and a breakup.

Key Discussion Points:

• The Whimsy Factor:
  Elle passionately defends naming objects: “I think there’s power and magic in naming an object.” [14:48]

• Cultural Examples:
  Swords, boats, Roombas—many things are named for attachment.

• Whose Boundaries Matter?:
  The hosts stress that quirks like this are harmless and even sweet.

• Judgment:
  Consensus is the guy was the jerk for shaming, especially while she was doing him a favor (DD for the friend group).

Notable Quotes:

“You called her weird and embarrassing as she did you and your stupid drunk friends a favor late into the night. You made her feel stupid because she now knows you’ve been embarrassed by her for months over a quirk. You’re the asshole.” [18:55, quoting Reddit comment]

“Giving anything a name... gives it some sort of weird power.” – Shane [15:29]

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3. “Just Helping a Sick Friend”—Or Cheater in Disguise?

Segment Start: [20:02]
Reddit Post: “Am I overreacting for being mad my boyfriend stayed the night at another woman's apartment just because she has a cold or the flu?”

Summary:

A woman questions her boyfriend’s motives after he stays overnight caring for a female friend (Stacy) with a cold—despite her being healthy, and the narrator being out of state.

Key Discussion Points:

• Unconvincing Explanations:
  The crew is immediately suspicious. “No, not overreacting. What is that? What?” – Chance [21:55]

• Gaslighting Moves:
  Shane highlights the boyfriend’s attempts to flip the situation, making the OP question herself.

• Alternative Actions:
  Chance points out the obvious: “If they need a bedside assistant, you take them to the hospital.” [23:45]

• Conclusion:
  Everyone agrees the OP is justified in her suspicions; comments predict cheating or, at the very least, disrespect.

Notable Quotes:

“A head cold has never stopped me from having sex. I wouldn’t expect one to stop her.” – Reddit comment; group laughs [24:49]

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4. Lesbian Panic: “Is My Neighbor Into Me?”

Segment Start: [25:14]
Reddit Post: “Is my neighbor into me or just being friendly? How do I know if she’s gay?”

Summary:

A woman questions whether her deepening friendship with her neighbor—daily runs, dinners, gifts—means romance, or if it’s unrequited. She’s newly out and nervous about making a move.

Key Discussion Points:

• Queer Friendship vs. Romantic Signals:
  Elle and Chance break down personal experiences, confirming it can be agonizing to parse friend-love from romantic attraction.

• Overanalyzing and Social Context:
  Elle brings up confirmation bias and early-COVID social bubbles skewing perceptions.

• Advice:
  Shane and Elle advise focusing less on “is she gay” and more on “are you into me?” to avoid unnecessary awkwardness.

Notable Quotes:

“It’s scary because you can have gay friends!” – Chance [37:20]
“If you just don’t assume everyone’s straight all the time, then you don’t even have to have a gay conversation.” – Elle [38:18]

Segment Highlight:

[46:29]:

“You know I like you, right?”
“And then she kissed me. Yes. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was great.” – Shane reading OP's update.

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5. The Vanilla Shampoo Fiasco

Segment Start: [48:21]
Reddit Post: “Am I the asshole for buying my girlfriend vanilla shampoo?”

Summary:

A boyfriend picks up his girlfriend’s favorite shampoo, admits he likes the way it makes her hair smell (like cookies). She’s weirded out he “sexualized” a mundane thing, leading to a larger discussion and eventual breakup.

Key Discussion Points:

• Normalcy of Scent Attraction:
  Hosts agree being attracted to a partner’s scent is normal; Elle says, “Smell can absolutely be sexy... it’s common.” [52:25]

• Underlying Issues:
  They suspect the blowup isn’t about shampoo, but deeper resentments (over-sexualizing, apartment issues, etc.).

• Breakup & Aftermath:
  The couple discusses boundaries, realize their incompatibility (she wants him to move out, etc.), and split amicably. OP’s update: girlfriend tries to reconcile, but he moves on, feeling validated by Reddit support.

Notable Quotes:

“You getting horned up in the spice aisle.” – Chance, mocking [50:14]
“If someone’s telling you to move, change your living situation, and diagnosing you with things—get out.” – Shane [58:23]

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6. Financial Ruin by Cheese Wheel

Segment Start: [62:00]
Reddit Post: “Am I Overreacting: My girlfriend left me over a cheese wheel”

Summary:

A Canadian man, saving for a house with his unemployed girlfriend, spends almost their entire down payment ($18,500) on a 140lb wheel of rare cheddar, believing he can sell and profit. Girlfriend leaves him; further mishaps (math errors, storage equipment, landlord drama) ensue.

Key Discussion Points:

• Delusional Investments:
  Shane (and Reddit) break down how the OP wildly overestimates his potential profit and underestimates logistical nightmares.

• Impulsivity & Red Flags:
  All agree this was reckless; the “it’s my money” defense doesn’t hold in shared savings.

• Escalation:
  After botching the cheese’s storage (melting the wax, landlord discovers, eviction notice ensues), the crew marvels at OP’s delusion.

Notable Quotes:

“You got the inside of a mozzarella stick all over the back of your truck.” – Chance [75:45]
“Whenever a guy comes at you with those words—asset, depreciating value, etc.—they don’t know what they’re talking about.” – Shane [76:06]
“I hope girlfriend got her $4,000 back. OP said: integrity is an asset that doesn’t depreciate. Unlike her savings, which will be eaten by inflation.” — Reddit quote read with total disbelief [80:20]

Memorable Moment:

[74:07] – The crew realizes the cheese wheel is suspiciously small for the price.
[78:18-79:17] – Shane: The OP’s pictures reveal duct tape and questionable tattoo choices as well as classic Reddit overcommitment to their bit.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Elle, on friend zone ambiguity:
  "There's something beautiful about it doesn't have to be a romantic type of love." [36:11]

• Chance, on dating dealbreakers:
  “If you say the word bug two weeks in—blocked. Blocked forever.” [10:12]

• Shane, on the cheese meltdown:
  “He truly lost his girlfriend, all of his money, and his apartment over cheese. Absolutely destroyed his life for cheese.” [80:52]

• On interpersonal boundaries:
  “He came to the conversation with boundaries and expectations... I’m in 100%.” – Elle [61:23]

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Structural Reflection & Insights

• Group Dynamics:
  The trio amplifies each story with their own takes, lived experiences, and lots of meta-humor—especially poking fun at self-deluding Redditors.
• Listener Engagement:
  They frequently echo Reddit verdicts, read commenters’ best quips, and use hypothetical “what would you do?” scenarios, adding relatability.
• Meta-Commentary:
  Elle is especially insightful about confirmation bias and perspective in relationship storytelling.

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Timestamps for Core Segments

• [02:20] – Bug Kink Dating Debacle
• [12:25] – Girlfriend Names Her Car, Boyfriend Cringes
• [20:02] – “I’m just helping a sick female friend”
• [25:14] – Neighbor Love: How to Tell If She’s Into Me
• [48:21] – “Vanilla Shampoo” and Over-Sexualization
• [62:00] – Cheese Wheel Financial Fiasco

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Conclusion

From bug squishing to dating via cheese wheel, the Smosh cast takes listeners on a wild romp through modern love’s strangest frontiers—with equal doses of empathy, mockery, and hard-earned wisdom. The ultimate verdict? Boundaries, honesty, and a sense of humor are a must—especially if you’re dating someone with an industrial dairy cooler in their living room.

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For more stories and to catch them live, check out Smosh Reads Reddit Stories at Netflix's "Is a Joke" Festival, or wherever you get your podcasts!

Transcript

[Shane]

Neighbor game.

[Chance]

Oo.

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[Shane]

Oh, no.

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[Shane]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

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[Shane]

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[Bird Owner]

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[Shane]

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[Chance]

Don't give them fodder.

[Elle]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

They're like, Courtney's in the room.

[Elle]

Just like, what

[Shane]

we're talking about dating again. I feel like we've done dating episodes before that you've been on. Yeah, it's always a fun time to talk about it. No drama at all.

[Elle]

Nope. Super easy.

[Shane]

Yeah, I. I noticed in our comments, everybody says that dating is, like, just easy for them. There's no problems going on. Like, it's easy to get a date. Dates always go well. Yeah, it's awesome.

[Chance]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Elle]

It's being reciprocated.

[Chance]

Why are we even doing this podcast?

[Shane]

Yeah, we don't need to do this. The consensus is that dating is easy and successful.

[Elle]

Psych. Gotcha, guys.

[Chance]

Gotcha. We fooled you.

[Shane]

Should we just start?

[Elle]

We can start. And I would like to let the people know, today I will be fidgeting with this little string that I found on my bracelet.

[Shane]

Okay. For those listening, he's got a string. It's a very small string.

[Chance]

I have this beaded bracelet, which I'm gonna do everything in my power not to go like this the whole time. Okay, and now we can begin.

[Shane]

Okay, and now we start.

[Chance]

Okay.

[Shane]

Our first story comes from. Am I overreacting? This was posted in January of this year. Am I Overreacting. He keeps hinting at an unusual kink. Two weeks in I just started talking to this guy a few weeks ago and he seems really amazing so far. He's attractive, gives well thought out responses when we're texting, compliments me often, and has generally been great to chat with today in a very innocuous way. While we were talking about how our separate New Year's Eve plans had gone, he brought up the show Fear Factor specifically. Specifically when people are made to interact with bugs. He asked if I was afraid of bugs and I replied that I'm generally not too scared of them. Then he asked if I would hypothetically participate in a challenge where I was asked to squish a bug with my bare hands. I replied that I think it's mean to just kill bugs for no reason. Then he tells me that he finds it really attractive when women aren't afraid to squish bugs. I thought that he meant not being afraid to kill a spider with a newspaper or something, but he kept going. He asked if I'd squish a slug. He stipulated that it wasn't alive to accommodate my desire not to kill bugs with my bare hands. I said that I wouldn't necessarily be afraid to do it, but that I wouldn't particularly want to either, or enjoy doing so. Then he asked if we were in a relationship, if I'd squish a big bug. The bigger the better.

[Elle]

Yeah. How big is that bug?

[Shane]

At this point I was weirded out and asked him if it was a sexual thing and he said it wasn't, that it was just attractive to see a woman being brave enough to do something like that. I felt tentatively okay with that explanation and steered the conversation away from that after this. So anyway, so the weather.

[Elle]

Let's get back to the big bug.

[Shane]

Actually, yeah, no, the weather's great. Bugs though. Big fat ass bug splatter X. The thing is, he's already brought it up again. He brought up that his friend dared him to squish a bug with his hands once, and when I didn't really give that a response, he followed up with do you want to hear about the dare? So now I'm weirded out. Even though he assured me it wasn't a sexual thing, I can't help but feel like he brought it up way too many times for it not to be. I really don't want to look it up though. Is this something you'd look past? I don't want to kink shame or anything, but I really have a Problem with the idea of crushing bugs. I love animals and hate the idea of squishing bugs for no reason, even if they're dead. I feel like even if I shut it down completely and we started a relationship, I'd always have it in the back of my mind and look at him a little differently. What if we saw a bug and I wanted to pick it up because it's cute? I'd be worried about what he was thinking. Am I being too sensitive? Is this something worth bringing it off for? What if I see a bug?

[Chance]

What if I see a bug and

[Elle]

I pick it up?

[Shane]

I guess I can date him. I just hope I never cross a bug ever again. Okay.

[Chance]

There is a kink for everything, isn't there?

[Shane]

There really is.

[Elle]

I've looked this up before. Like, because remember when endgame was coming out and everyone was like, oh, Ant man should just crawl up Thanos's booty hole? And then I was like, why does everybody want ants in people's booty holes? And I was like, is that a sexual thing? And there's, like, a sexual thing about bugs crawling into your.

[Shane]

Oh, holes.

[Elle]

Into your holes. But this is someone just crushing a bug.

[Shane]

Yeah. Killing the bug.

[Elle]

Yeah. Our bare hands.

[Shane]

Crushing it with their bare hands.

[Chance]

How do you acquire that kink? What did you see when you were three years old?

[Shane]

I know.

[Elle]

Maybe it's evolutionary. Crush bug, hot lady, kill bug.

[Shane]

Hot lady, hot lady, kill bug. Big lady, big bug, big bug. This is two weeks in. Yeah. He's dropping hits. That's intense. Mr. Man needs her to squash in. I'm thinking, where does this escalate?

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Because if it's like a year, and I'm like, okay, you've been holding on to.

[Elle]

I mean, Fear Factor was a perfect end for him.

[Shane]

He's like, hell, yeah.

[Elle]

I get to see so many bugs right now.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Is this gonna turn darker, though? Like, if we're starting with bugs, are we gonna go. Are we gonna go to bigger animals? Is it gonna be scary?

[Elle]

No. I feel like bugs are so different than insects are so different than animals.

[Chance]

Scientists. Are you listening? Bugs are different.

[Shane]

Bugs are different.

[Elle]

I got exo. Silicon exo.

[Shane]

I, I would have to. I, I couldn't do this. I, I, I, I don't like. Like, some bugs do creep me out, but I don't want. I don't want to kill them ever. No.

[Elle]

No.

[Shane]

I feel so.

[Elle]

Bugs.

[Shane]

Yeah. There was a huge moth that got into my. My place yesterday, and my cat was chasing around. I was like, she's gonna eat It. But I feel really bad.

[Elle]

Have you ever heard of a Dawson fly?

[Shane]

A Dawson fly?

[Chance]

Yes, a Shane Dawson fly.

[Elle]

Kill it. Dawson kidding.

[Shane]

Dawson Creek fly.

[Elle]

No, they're like these flies that are about this big. They're like a foot long.

[Shane]

What is that?

[Elle]

A foot? That's a foot, right?

[Shane]

Subway Jumanji.

[Elle]

No, no. I saw one in person in Texas. It's this big. Its wings are like the back half. They're like this. And they have these huge pincers in the front that are like this. They're like overlapping pincers. They' this big. Look at that thing. Look at that thing. We have a picture of a dog and it is this big. Shane. It's like a foot long.

[Chance]

Now would you kill that bug?

[Shane]

Imagine a hot babe crushing that with his hair. This is awful. Yeah, I think that's. This is this.

[Chance]

I'd be out, I think.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Oh yeah.

[Elle]

Two weeks in. There's no excuse. Oh yeah.

[Chance]

You can't beat dropping two weeks in.

[Shane]

And. And you're not kink shaming by being like, oh, not compatible for me. I got it.

[Elle]

And apparently it's not a kink.

[Shane]

It's just kill.

[Chance]

It's just a lifestyle choice. We know about that.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, the southern accent, same thing. That the verdict was not overreacting. Yeah. Comments. Not overreacting. It's not kink shaming to not want to participate in a kink that makes you uncomfortable. Furthermore, it's fine to kink shame when it involves actively harming non consenting living creatures, in my opinion. Oh, not overreacting. This is a specific fetish called a crush fetish and is often tied into the giantess fetish. He wants to be bug sized and have a giant lady squish or eat him. Him insisting it isn't sexual then continuing to make you discuss it is making you non consensually engage in his kink. And that is yuck.

[Elle]

I love how people just fill in so many gaps.

[Shane]

They're like, by the way. So what actually is, is he wants to be the size of a bug.

[Elle]

He wants you to squish him. He wants to be bug now.

[Shane]

Well, he watched.

[Elle]

He watched. Could it be he watched Bug's life

[Shane]

when he was three years old and he was like, can never get over this is my life now. Yeah. Someone said in quotations, listen, I'm having a good time with you and I'm enjoying spending time with you, but I am not and will never be interested in squishing bugs. It's cruel and pointless. Oh yeah, say that we have a little mini update.

[Chance]

How many?

[Shane]

It's very tiny. Is it squishing my hand? Oh, we were not dating, y'. All. This was a Tinder talking stage that I haven't even met. I posted here mainly to see if this was something that someone could let go of instead of being fixated on. But I think most of you are right in saying that he was way too hyper focused on the topic. I texted him and told him that his obsession with talking about crushing bugs was freaking me out and that I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Then blocked. Thanks, all.

[Chance]

Wait, you're doing all this on Tinder? On the chat?

[Elle]

Yes, a whole lot.

[Shane]

Like, if you're just. If you're just in the talking phase on Tinder, the first.

[Elle]

I'm out.

[Shane]

Yeah, don't bring up bugs at all.

[Chance]

It's like you get a text at 1am it's like you bug. Sorry, I mean, you up.

[Shane]

It's like if you say the word bug. Two weeks in. Blocked. Yeah, blocked forever.

[Chance]

I'm a bug blocker.

[Shane]

Okay, I don't know. This episode of Red Stories is sponsored by Aura Frames. Are you constantly getting flowers for your mom on Mother's Day? Sure, they can be pretty, but you know what's prettier? Pictures of you, you gorgeous gal. That's right. I'm talking to you, Sarah. Plus, you don't wilt after two days. My mom raised me right, just like yours did, Sarah. She was attentive, attended PTA meetings, and even put up with driving me to ballet class. I'm of course talking about your mom, Sarah. I didn't take ballet. I was on tv. Aura Frames have free unlimited storage, so you can upload pictures of you and the girlies laughing over brunch Mimosas. Make your mom feel like she's there with y' all and just download the Aura Frames app so you can upload photos anytime, anywhere, or text photos straight to your frame. Come on, bring your mom on all your adventures. So instead of flowers, go with Aura Frames. They're a great way to upgrade your gift to your mom this upcoming Mother's Day, and give something that lasts. We actually got my grandparents an Aura Frames, and they have loved it. It's been incredible because now every time we go on a trip, we end it by uploading several photos onto it so that we get to share it immediately with them. Named number one by Wirecutter, you can save on the gifts moms love by visiting OraFrames.com for a limited time Listeners can get $25 off their best selling Carver mat frame with code PITReddit. That's a U R A frames.com promo code PITReddit. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Back to the show our next story comes from.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Bird Owner]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Shane]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Anyways, get a'@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.

[Shane]

Liberty Liberty. Liberty Liberty.

[Bird Owner]

With Verbo Care, help is always ready

[Shane]

before, during and after your stay.

[Elle]

We've planned for the plot twists, so support is always available because a great

[Shane]

trip starts with peace of mind. Am I the asshole? This was posted back in September of 2022. Good year. It was a great year. No, it was. It really was kind of.

[Elle]

What? I had a good year. I joined Smosh this year. Whoa.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Chance]

Then it was a good year.

[Shane]

Then it was a good year. Am I the asshole for telling my girlfriend the way she talks about her car is weird and embarrassing. She wants to squish her car.

[Chance]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I, 25, have been dating my girlfriend, 23, for about nine months now. When she turned 21, her parents gave her a car and she decided to name it Angie. I learned all this on our first date. When she said Angie took me here, I thought that was odd, but let it slide. Throughout our relationship, she's always talked about her car as if she's talking about another person. When she got a flat tire on the highway a few months back, she called me and said that Angie's shoe broke and has to get a new one when she goes to the car wash. She describes it as giving Angie a bath. This all came to a head this weekend when me and my friends went out drinking and my girlfriend offered to be the designated driver. We were out for a couple hours and I admittedly got a bit too drunk. When my girlfriend came to pick us up, she said she's stopping at the gas station first to get Angie something to drink. This is where I may be the asshole. I told her I think it's weird and embarrassing of her to talk about her car like that. It's a machine, not a pet or a Kid and that she should treat it like how a normal person would treat any machine. She got very quiet and refused to say anything for the rest of the drive home. She dropped off my friends and then drove to my apartment. I asked her why we weren't going back to hers, and she said she needed some time to think and told me to get out. She's been radio silent since then, and I'm starting to think I did something wrong. Am I the asshole for what I said?

[Elle]

Well, I mean, he, like, almost. Like, he almost said the C. Slur.

[Chance]

What?

[Elle]

Clanker. Like, he basically said it.

[Chance]

You little bastard.

[Elle]

You need to.

[Shane]

If you need to bleep that out, you can bleep that out. I get it.

[Elle]

I'm sorry that I used the hard R, but. But, like, damn, dude. Like, be a little.

[Shane]

Come on.

[Chance]

He needs a little more whimsy in his life.

[Shane]

Yeah. This is just like. Okay, it's silly.

[Elle]

This is also someone I famously, my whole life have, like, loved naming inanimate objects.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Elle]

I think even. I think there's power and magic in naming an object. Like, it becomes more special and it envelops it with power. My Roomba's name is Sapphira. My lunchbox in high school was named Gregory. I had a rubber chicken named Beckle.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Elle]

I had a leg of a doll that I drew a face on and its name was Justine.

[Chance]

That's.

[Elle]

She has a Facebook page somewhere out there, if you can find it.

[Chance]

More of a love.

[Shane]

I'm laughing at the concept of someone getting a tattoo on their own leg and naming their leg.

[Elle]

Their leg.

[Shane]

Be like, this is Greg. This is like, Greg, Greg.

[Elle]

My great, great.

[Shane]

Giving anything a name kind of does give it some sort of weird. Like, it's a weird power it has

[Elle]

over even, like, swords. Like, I'm sorry, I'm going to bring it up.

[Shane]

True. Yeah. Swords have names.

[Elle]

Boats have names. Boats have names.

[Shane]

All boats are women and all boats are women sailors and captains.

[Elle]

They're just like, exactly. It's like, yeah, Naming their power in naming.

[Shane]

I'm kind of shocked that they've been dating for nine months. And in that she's referring to her car as Angie, and she's like, oh, yeah, I'm giving Angie a bath. Like, I'm getting Angie something to drink. And you didn't bring it up casually, Just kind of like, oh, like, yo, you really refer to your. Your car as Angie? Yeah, just like, bring it up casually. And she'd probably just be like, yeah, it's a funny thing.

[Chance]

Yeah, she Just explain it regular. It'd be fun.

[Shane]

But you built. You let that get pent up within you and then you got drunk and were an.

[Elle]

It's not about that. It's not about that.

[Shane]

It really is some other stuff. And. Yeah. And he. He confronted her and. And brought it up and embarrassed her in front of friends.

[Elle]

And when she's coming to pick him up.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Elle]

She's doing an active service for you.

[Shane]

Yeah. I feel like it's very easy for us to like build habits like vocally like this. None of her actions are different than anybody else. It's just how she refers to something and you get used to that. It's no different than like when you get used to like using slang terms and stuff.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, it's just. That's just how she's doing it. But I am thinking about that, that Stephen King book with the evil car, Christine.

[Elle]

It's actually solid evil car.

[Shane]

This guy, this guy finds this like old kind of beat up car and it's like, oh, yeah, I don't know what the deal with this car is. And he like kind of falls in love with this car. And then car has a mind of its own and it's jealous of his girlfriend, tries to kill his girl.

[Chance]

Christine wants a bath. Christine wants a new shoe.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's a Christine. Maybe this person, maybe OP is scared because they've thought about that.

[Elle]

Kind of like Transformers and Bumblebee.

[Shane]

Yeah. Kind of like Bumblebee. Kind of like Bumblebee.

[Chance]

Yeah. Maybe Angie's alive.

[Shane]

That'd be cool.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Shane]

My first car, my Honda Civic, when I got it when I was 17, I named it the Batmobile. Just. I couldn't think of a good one. So I was like, the Batmobile.

[Chance]

It's ok, Shane. It's good. It's good.

[Shane]

Thanks.

[Elle]

My. My first car was a burnt orange Pontiac Grandam gt and its name was Fang.

[Shane]

Oh, that's a good one. That's far better than mine.

[Elle]

And my Vespa right now I drive a Vespa. My Vespa right now's name is Vulcan.

[Chance]

Vulcan. That's fun. That's awesome.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Chance]

Yeah. I have a Camry and her name's Camry Diaz. It's very straightforward.

[Elle]

So it's normal. It's not normal, but it's. It's not. Yeah, a crazy thing. I don't refer to it all the time.

[Chance]

That's the difference.

[Shane]

I never did either. So I think I never really.

[Elle]

And what's it called when you humanize things?

[Chance]

Humanizing personified I don't.

[Elle]

I don't personify it. And I'm like, he's going to get a drink or you want to take a dump?

[Shane]

Sure. Sure.

[Elle]

I don't do that.

[Shane]

That's fine.

[Elle]

Yeah, I don't do that.

[Chance]

No, that's fine.

[Elle]

Really weird.

[Shane]

Do that. The verdict was asshole. Yeah. Yeah, obviously. Comments? I asked Sasha, since she's my car and would have a better perspective on this. She said, you're the asshole. Sasha also said cars need gas because they're hung thirsty. She thought it was important for everyone to know. 33,000 upvotes that had more up.

[Chance]

Yeah, it's like a milkshake. It's like. It's. It's more about the calories, about the quenching.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Yeah, okay.

[Shane]

Someone said you're the. Jeez. Just let your girlfriend enjoy her relationship with Angie. Are you jealous? How is she hurting anyone by being a bit silly when referring to her car? Someone else said you called her weird and embarrassing, as she did you and your stupid drunk friends a favor late into the night. You made her feel stupid as. Because she now knows you've been secretly embarrassed by her for months over a quirk. You're the asshole. And probably a single one if you can't turn this around.

[Chance]

Bam.

[Shane]

Jesus. Oh, another tiny little update that I'm going to squish in my hands. Oh, well, she dumped me. She found the post, called me, and told me never to speak to her again. I guess it's for the best, though. We really wouldn't have been that compatible. As many of you have said. Thank you for your judgments. Oh, what a douche.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Thank you for your judgment.

[Shane]

Thank you for your judgment. It's hosted on Am I the asshole?

[Elle]

Right?

[Chance]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Sorry, bud.

[Chance]

If you walk into a courthouse and be like, here's my crime.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Get ready.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It kills me every time when someone posts on Am I the? And they get the judgment and then they're like mad about it. Yeah.

[Elle]

Because they want to get vindicated.

[Shane]

Come on, man, accept it.

[Chance]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Anyway.

[Chance]

God. Geez.

[Shane]

Oh, geez. This comes from. Am I overreacting? Am I overreacting for being mad my boyfriend stayed the night at another woman's apartment just because she has a cold or the flu. I need more information. This is a 27 year old woman. I'm currently in another state. My boyfriend, a 27 year old man, has made friends with my friends, including Stacy, a 35 year old woman. Last night I got suspicious after this message exchange. After sending my boyfriend a funny TikTok Video got screenshots of the text messages. The boyfriend writes, I love that video. Also, Stacy is really sick with this flu. I'm going to stay the night. She responds, what do you mean, does she need to go to the hospital? What are her symptoms? He says, sneezing, stuffy nose, runny nose, sore throat, cough, etc. What's her temperature? Is she sweating? Is she having trouble breathing? Normal temp. She's sweaty from that steam thing and all the layers. No trouble breathing, babe. No fever. That sounds like it's just a cold. What are you even doing for her? Why do you need to stay over? He says, taking care of her. Message her or video chat with her since you have so many questions. She responds, I'm going to video chat with her. Talk to you in a bit. Stacy is a young, healthy and fit woman, so I wouldn't think a cold or the flu would put her in enough danger that she would need someone to stay with her. When Stacy and I video chatted, she actually looked sick. Her nose is red, chapped and swollen. She was sneezing and sniffling, but she didn't cough once. Her breathing was fine. She looked sweaty, but not feverish. She was even smiling. This morning, I video chatted my boyfriend, and he did indeed stay at Stacy's. Stacy still had her red nose and she was sneezing, but she was walking around in regular pajamas. I feel like I shouldn't even have to tell them how mad this all makes me. Am I overreacting? What the fuck?

[Chance]

No, not overreacting. What is that? What?

[Elle]

Why do you need to. It sounds like. But I'm wondering.

[Shane]

No, this is one of those where I'm like, I don't even care if you're. It's. If I found out, oh, no, they didn't cheat. I'd be like, yeah, but what was that?

[Elle]

That.

[Shane]

What the hell, though?

[Elle]

But go home.

[Shane]

So, like, come on. I. I hate how he responds, being like, well, why don't you video chat her if you have so many questions? I'm like, dude, you know, she's in another state and you're staying at someone else's apartment. You know what this looks like and

[Chance]

the way that if you're responding, if you know, if you could respond to being like, hey, this is your friend and she's sick. You know, there's no way to, like, really talk out of it. But it's like you come of it that way, where it's like, I'm just trying to help your friend. And so it's like, well, if you.

[Elle]

Yeah, that's weird.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Elle]

It's like, what do you do?

[Shane]

Of course, my assumption is, yeah, something's going on.

[Elle]

I need more information.

[Shane]

I need more information to know if they're cheating.

[Elle]

Maybe.

[Shane]

I don't know. I don't think. I don't think it matters. Yeah, I think I need more information.

[Chance]

It's a logical. It's like, huh.

[Elle]

I need more information into. What is he doing? Like, what is the thought process?

[Shane]

I think it could be. It could be. Because the hubris of some people who cheat is just astronomical. Right. And it could be like, oh, well, we'll do this so that it kind of covers our tracks and treat it so nonchalantly. Like, I think he's really thinking he can get away with gaslighting her. That's in this way. And I feel like this is a pro. This is an actually good example of gaslighting for sure. Like, where something insane is happening and

[Chance]

he's going, why are you freaking.

[Shane]

Why are you overreacting? If someone has the flu also, you should actively. Probably not necessarily. You would drop off a bunch of stuff and be like, call me if you need me. Very correct. But I don't want to catch the flu.

[Chance]

And if they need, like, a bedside assistant, you take them to the hospital.

[Shane]

Yes. Yeah. It's severe.

[Chance]

It's that bad.

[Shane]

Clearly, she does not have a fever.

[Chance]

She's like, hey, girl. So my nose is red.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Chance]

Sean, shut up. I'm on the phone with your girlfriend.

[Shane]

He wrote normal temperature. She doesn't. She doesn't even have a fever. She's in no danger whatsoever.

[Elle]

This is ridiculous.

[Shane]

It is absolutely ridiculous. Ridiculous and. And ridiculous on her friend's part, too.

[Chance]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, they're both acting like this is chill. That makes me think 100 or something. Yeah, sure. And I don't like to jump to that conclusion too fast, but he's staying at her place. Yeah. Comments. Not overreacting. That shit is insane to me. Someone said, weird behavior. I get a care package or something, but staying overnight for the sniffles. Your boyfriend is trying to bang Stacy.

[Elle]

And you know what? You don't even have to deliver it. You can. Uber Eats. Deliver it. Yeah.

[Shane]

You don't even drop it off at the front door.

[Elle]

Right there.

[Shane]

Leave it.

[Elle]

Door, take picture. Done.

[Shane]

Someone says, makes no sense for him to stay. Very stupid. I would assume they're banging. Op said, as soon as I saw no trouble breathing, that's where my mind went. They're not even trying to Pretend that she's seriously ill. A head cold has never stopped me from having sex. I wouldn't expect one to stop her.

[Chance]

Whoa, whoa.

[Elle]

Okay.

[Shane]

Damn. All right, all right.

[Elle]

Never stop me from.

[Chance]

I'm starting all over my girl. God.

[Shane]

All right. Well, there's that.

[Chance]

Okay, okay. No, no mini update.

[Shane]

No mini update. I don't think we need one. I don't need another.

[Chance]

We know what's going on.

[Shane]

I think we've got all the info.

[Chance]

Dang.

[Shane]

Our next story comes from relationship advice. This was posted in 2021. January of 2021. Not a good year.

[Elle]

That was not a good year.

[Chance]

Not a good year.

[Shane]

This is a 24 year old woman writing in. Is my neighbor a 27 year old woman into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay?

[Elle]

Okay.

[Shane]

Hi all. I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the Internet. But I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay, but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year. It was an odd time, but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small vil. Everyone is really friendly. So I got to know my neighbors soon after moving in. Yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over the road neighbor, let's call her L. I can't describe it, but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought, oh my God, she

[Elle]

can lift things with her mind. It's crazy.

[Shane]

I saw her squish a bug with her bare hands. So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village type convo, we only saw each other for a wave and a hello for a few days to help kind of settle in. I had my dog Bee with me for the first few weeks. During this time there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town. Not just from gardens, but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd been working furloughed off and on since March then I would have taken B back to mums. But since I was home with her all day, she stayed. So the local police advised us not to walk dogs alone, but we go out twice a day. A 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. Obviously this scares me, but at the same time she is honestly a pain in the harse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired Out. So I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes Elle. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bea and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiraled from there. I told her about my morning runs, but she didn't really bite so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run. So she started joining us on those two a few months later and we are spending more and more time together every day. It has now progressed to a run. Early morning afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings, and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything. Until another neighbor commented about how much time we spend together and how it's nice to see you young gals getting on and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant, but she just laughed and said, you know what I mean. So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too. Here's some reasons why she might like me. How obvious do we think you're gonna be?

[Elle]

I think it's kisses me on the

[Chance]

mouth and touches my boob. Yeah, she might like me.

[Shane]

We're engaged and we live together.

[Chance]

She's gay.

[Shane]

Do we think she's gay? Okay, here's some reasons she might like me. I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly two weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this. I make her a coffee every afternoon. L is work from home and take it over in her favorite mug. She says I make good coffee, but I'm pret sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round. It's not there now. L carried on running and walking with me even after B went home. I told her she was going back to mums and she said well, I'll have to make another excuse to join you. And then we just carried on every day. She has tried really hard to bond with B. B is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mom. Elle bought special treats to give her every day and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her, she said it's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable. B actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and it just makes my heart skip a beat. Guys, she invited me to the Zoom quiz she does with her friends. Every fortnight or so. And they were all like, oh, so this is who we've heard so much about.

[Elle]

Oh my God. We.

[Shane]

We realized we had become each other's support bubble. Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no. She said she was glad she had me all to herself.

[Chance]

Okay, okay, all right.

[Shane]

We gave each other quite personal Christmas presents. Like it actually made me tear up. It meant so much to me. And she bought stuff for b reasons why she might not like me, all the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a great person and we're friends. Okay, all right.

[Chance]

All right, lady.

[Shane]

It might sound dumb, but I don't know. I need your help, guys. She is just the most incredible person I've ever met and I really, really like her. But if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same, I don't want to lose her as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kinds of things as I went to quite a strict all girls school. So it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen. And then I went to a very small university. Eight of us on my course.

[Chance]

Wow, golf course university.

[Shane]

Yeah, golf course university. I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, as well as my weight and working on my self confidence. But I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest both mentally and physically I have ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I've never really told anyone in real life. But I don't think people would be too surprised. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my mental health a few years ago. So I can't discuss this with anyone in real life. So I need your advice. How do I find out if she's gay and no? I don't have the confidence to just ask, what if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tactless, so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, hey, tell me, have you ever, ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now? Lol. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things.

[Elle]

That's the worst position.

[Shane]

It's a pretty tough. There's. This is layered. So she's never actually came out to anyone in real life.

[Elle]

It's.

[Shane]

So that's tough.

[Elle]

Also, like, okay, so a lot of comments that I see are just. I'll see a lot of things that are like, chance always takes the devil's advocate side. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, hold on now. There's really important. It's called critical thinking number one in critical reading. Who is writing this? Why are they writing it, and what is their point of view? And what do they have to gain or lose from writing this? That is a really important thing to look at, especially in these days on the Internet, where it's like, is this true? Where is this coming from? Why is it coming to me? Why am I being served this? And what are they trying to do? So we have to look at the author's point of view because history is written from the winner's perspective most often. Or whoever's writing it down is telling the story.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Elle]

So there's always things and pieces of information that they can spin or tell us, and we don't often get to see the other side of that story. Right. So a lot of times when I'm on here, I'm thinking, why are they saying it this way? What are they trying to do? And.

[Shane]

And are.

[Elle]

Are they telling the truth? Most of the time I'm just like, yes, they're telling the truth, but that's a dangerous thing to just assume. Everyone's always telling the truth.

[Shane]

And. And. And she's telling her, like, her perceived truth.

[Elle]

That is exactly the point I am making. She is telling us all of these things that she's seeing about this amazing person. I'm saying this from firsthand experience. I have been in her position where I'm like, they have to like me. Right? They're doing this, they're doing this, they're doing this, this. And I will say, about this time, 2021, was our social circles were pretty compact, especially with who we get to see in person every day. And I'm saying this because in this same scenario, I had a person that I was like, they have to like me. We are spending breakfast, lunch, dinner together. We are doing every social thing together. We met each other's parents. Like, we do all these things. Like, they have to like me, and then they didn't like me. So coming from this, I'm like, oh, you idiot. Of course they do. But she's telling it from how she's seeing it because she has confirmation bias,

[Shane]

saying it that way.

[Chance]

She's also inexperienced in that world.

[Shane]

She's 23 yes. And then you add on top that she's never actually been in a relationship with someone and you add Covid on

[Chance]

where it's like you're gonna, Gonna Click to 1 person, 2 people, 3 people, and spend all your time with them anyway because you're trying not to get covered.

[Shane]

It's also the tough thing of like, can. Are people allowed to just be really good friends?

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, are they allowed to become. No, it's like, you know, without it being like, oh, well, they're clearly into each other.

[Elle]

Sometimes when you do cross that boundary or cross that line, not, I guess it is a boundary, you rub against someone's boundary when you are trying to push it forward. But it's should be. I think it should be allowed to want more from a relationship, but it also can be allowed to sit in a relationship. You don't have to have more or want more.

[Shane]

Yeah,

[Elle]

but I think she loves her. Well, all of this to say, yeah,

[Shane]

if I had to place a bet, sure. But the. But it's high stakes.

[Chance]

It is high stakes.

[Shane]

It's at a high stakes table. So placing a bet is really scary.

[Elle]

And yeah, but also I would say

[Shane]

to op, like, she's putting a lot of pressure on herself. It's like if, if your neighbor is gay and she's also into you, like, it's also on her to express something.

[Elle]

That's true too.

[Shane]

She's in the same exact position as you are, potentially. Okay, so if you're in OP's position, how would you go about broaching this? I am really bad at these types of things. Like historically, now you add a layer that I can't relate to of, of being gay.

[Elle]

Right.

[Shane]

And, and being a lesbian, like, I don't know what, how that goes, but.

[Chance]

Well, as lesbians.

[Elle]

As lesbians. Okay, I, Okay, I'll tell you my firsthand experience. I tried to do this and I was thinking about it for months. How do I get past this point? And there's also something beautiful. I'm gonna say it again. There's something beautiful about it doesn't have to be a romantic type of love. You can continue loving this person in a non romantic way and you can. They can sit just like that and you're like, life. But I tried to set up. I was thinking about it for months. I'm an overthinker. And I was thinking about it and I was like, I tried to set up like a really like organic romantic situation where I could just kind of like softball pitch the feelings and be like Would you ever consider dating, like, me? Like, I feel like we do so many things, like, already dating wise. And it. It went so poorly.

[Shane]

Really?

[Elle]

It went so poorly. At first it was just like, oh, I guess I haven't really thought about it. And I almost felt gaslit. I was like, there's no way you haven't thought about it. And then it was like. It kept. Like, we kept talking about it and then that. That day was fine. And the next day was, like, weird, right? Super weird. It was like they slept on it and it was super weird. And then it was like, kind of like it was. It was not a denial, but it was like, you're. You're. You're not crazy, but, like, you've pushed things too far. And I was like, whoa, whoa. I was just softballing the pitch. Nothing was different.

[Shane]

Can I ask, was this someone who is saying like, they're not into you or that they're not gay?

[Elle]

I've had that they're not gay before, but they're not into me.

[Shane]

They're just not into you.

[Chance]

So this person was gay.

[Shane]

This person was gay. This is a situation where they're just. That you thought.

[Elle]

Yeah. So then how do you bridge.

[Shane]

And they're just not gay.

[Elle]

Yes.

[Shane]

I see. So she has two possibilities.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Shane]

She doesn't know if she likes her and she doesn't know if she's. She's gay. So that.

[Chance]

But.

[Shane]

But you were in a situation where you knew. Yeah, but were they into you or not?

[Elle]

Yeah, they weren't.

[Shane]

They wanted it. So it's almost interesting that her neighbor might be gay and also just might

[Elle]

not be into her.

[Shane]

Just because she's gay doesn't mean two things going on.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Yes.

[Shane]

And it is scary. It's scary because you can have gay friends. Yeah, absolutely.

[Elle]

You're like, what? Like. No, I'm like, I hate you guys.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Elle]

What?

[Chance]

I'm so not a fan of you.

[Shane]

So sorry.

[Elle]

He's like, you think we're friends?

[Shane]

Sorry. These past many years, I think you've been confused.

[Elle]

That's hilarious.

[Shane]

Friendship does not win. Yeah, that's true, Shane.

[Elle]

Oh, wait. Did you want to talk about how you would bridge the gap, Tommy?

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elle]

So sorry.

[Chance]

I haven't really had a specific. I've had, like, little things. Usually it's just like, I'm like, hey, are you gay? And usually they're like, nah.

[Elle]

Because I think the easier conversation is, are you into me? Rather than, are you gay?

[Shane]

100%.

[Chance]

Because what if this is her one woman? She's into and she doesn't identify as gay, but she's into this woman.

[Elle]

There. You cover the gay thing. If you say, are you into me? Yes, I'm into you.

[Chance]

Then the gay part doesn't matter.

[Elle]

The gay part doesn't matter.

[Shane]

Need to matter.

[Elle]

And if you just don't assume everyone's straight all the time, then you don't even have to have a gay conversation.

[Chance]

You guys need to stop assuming everyone.

[Elle]

But I mean, there's a straight invisibility. Everyone assumes everyone is. Or a lot of people assume the default is straight. That's not the default.

[Chance]

That was so progressive of you.

[Elle]

Thanks.

[Shane]

Wow. Way to go.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Two strings now.

[Shane]

They were always two strings.

[Chance]

Chances strings SP2 the fidget strings are now too.

[Shane]

This episode of Red Stories is also sponsored by Rocket Money. Let's face it, finances are stressful no matter who you are. I know I've avoided opening up my banking app just because I was scared to see how much I spent on subscriptions this month. But Rocket Money is here to help relieve that stress. Rocket Money can track and cancel unwanted subscriptions with only a few taps. It has saved $880 million for users so far. And when I cancel my subscription to get my daily dose of Big Cheese, you can add 60 more dollars to that pile. You're thinking, $60 for cheese? No, silly, it's Big Cheese. But you're also thinking, will the app consolidate checking, savings, loans and investments into a single dashboard? You bet. Then you can get a clear view of what you spent on daily deliveries of 30 pound Gouda. Honestly, rocket Money has saved me so much money over the years. When I first downloaded the app, I was shocked at how many subscriptions I was completely unaware of of. And ever since then, I've been able to really stay on top of it and make sure nothing is slipping by me. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. [e-mail] PitReddit that's RocketMoney.com PitReddit RocketMoney.com PitReddit now back to the show. So we have some comments here. They're gay Someone.

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[Shane]

Oh, no.

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[Shane]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

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[Shane]

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[Shane]

Liberty.

[Bird Owner]

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[Shane]

Started off by screaming. They said ah. Honestly, judging by what you wrote, I'm pretty sure she's into women and into you. Especially considering your neighbors and friends reactions. I'm a woman loving woman myself and I know this type of scenario can be so nerve wracking. If that's your style, maybe you could wear some Pride accessories around her or mention some LGBTQ plus book movie show.

[Elle]

I think that's all I'm picturing. Like, where you going?

[Shane]

I'm gay.

[Chance]

I said Target.

[Elle]

Maybe you said exactly what I was thinking. I was like the Target.

[Chance]

Like wearing a rainbow kit.

[Shane]

Isn't it the Target Pride line from like 2 years ago? Cuz didn't they like, they stopped.

[Chance]

They were like scared.

[Elle]

It was, but it was.

[Chance]

I mean, it was. It should have stopped.

[Elle]

God, I wish I would have got some of it. If you have Target Pride merch, I

[Chance]

will give you a P.O.

[Elle]

box.

[Chance]

Box.

[Shane]

Yeah, some vintage.

[Chance]

I want some vintage pie merch.

[Shane]

Progressive.

[Elle]

Wait.

[Shane]

And everybody wanted to stop, but not the way they did. They managed to stop in a way that everybody hated.

[Chance]

Y.

[Shane]

Okay, I'm laughing at. I'm gay. Are you? Are you just like. Oh, sorry. Are you. Do you agree? Okay, you could wear some. Some Pride accessories around her or mention some LGBTQ plus books, movies show that you liked a lot. If it's not too obscure and she's into women, chances are she's seen Slash, read slash heard of it too and gauge her reaction. Sorry if this isn't much of a help for you. Either way, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Keep me updated. I love love stories. Do you watch Heated Rivalry? Don't you wish that was two women instead?

[Chance]

Do you like Rosie o'? Donnell?

[Elle]

Not Rosie.

[Shane]

Op responded to that saying, I like this suggestion. I feel like I could bring that into Conversations fairly naturally. Thanks. My only worry then is if I still don't get a clear response. But I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get into it. When I get to it. Someone else said, why don't you ask if she has any special plans for Valentine's Day and then kind of work your way in from there. It's a super light topic and an easy way to see if there's someone else or she'll suggest you two to hang out. Opie says, I mean, we are in a country wide lockdown, so I'm not sure what special plans she could have, to be honest. Although I guess I could kind of joke about it.

[Elle]

You guys, have you ever done Valentine's Day? I've done a Valentine's Day with a friend that I was into and it is agony.

[Shane]

Oh, that's rough.

[Elle]

I don't know the situation. Yeah, I know. That's like. That's why I'm like, that is not a good idea. Because it is going to be like a friend's Valentine's Day thing. Galentine Valentine. And then she's not even gay and you're like. Like you split this whole thing and then you build up this narrative in

[Chance]

your head that's a humiliation ritual on the. On the men right there.

[Elle]

100%.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Elle]

And then you. That will scar you for Valentine's Day

[Chance]

for years to come, but do it.

[Elle]

But you know what? Go for it, girl.

[Shane]

Okay. Update little.

[Elle]

I really want this to work out.

[Chance]

Yeah, okay.

[Elle]

I really want this to work out.

[Chance]

Me too.

[Shane]

Okay, guys, thank you so, so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stu into conversations, see how she reacts.

[Chance]

Hell yeah.

[Shane]

Then bring up the neighbor's comments like some of you suggested, seeing as though the neighbor was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight. Otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens.

[Elle]

Eek.

[Shane]

If you never hear from me again. I assume it went badly and I'm consoling myself with cake and watching Brokeback Mountain in floods of tears. Okay, so she's going to go up to her and just be like, what do you think about this carabiner I've got? It's pretty cool, right? Twirl it around.

[Chance]

That was awesome.

[Elle]

Enough of your Shane.

[Chance]

Give me another update.

[Shane]

Okay, update number two. Yes, yes, this is the real update.

[Chance]

Please.

[Shane]

Hi, Reddit. Yes, it's Me, the useless lesbian. Damn op. Hi, Reddit. Yes, it's me, the useless lesbian. First off, I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice and the undeserved awards. I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us. So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into convo like you guys suggested. But honestly, it all went out the window. L was kind of stressed Friday after a shitty work zoom and just needed to vent, so it wasn't the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things here as l turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologized for ruining dinner. Obviously I said, what are you talking about? You can talk to me about anything. And she said, anything. And I said anything back. And guys, the tension was unreal. Staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in. Then there was some loud noise like a car backfiring or something, and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then Elle asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said, what stuff? And I don't know, you guys. I wasn't prepared to be put on the spot. My casual gay pop culture references were useless. At that moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out, you know I like you, right?

[Chance]

Good, good, good.

[Shane]

And then she kissed me. Yes. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was great.

[Elle]

So, snog?

[Shane]

Yes.

[Chance]

Hey, she said arse before being lesbians.

[Shane]

Cool being British?

[Elle]

No, not on my watch.

[Shane]

I draw the line there.

[Chance]

Away from me or whatever the hell you're eating. Lesbian's fine, but once you got gravy on.

[Shane]

So you were right. You were all right. She's gay, she likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly five months. Sigh. We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, so she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian so she'd know for sure. Sure. Maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would have been a good idea. After all, her friends have been helping her drop hints. She showed me the group chat and guys, their suggestions range from flirting more to just turning up in a trench coat and nothing else. Lol. Also, the winking neighbor has been making comments to her as well, so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too. So no cake and cry watching Brokeback Mountain. Just five months of dating to catch up on. As for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown, you are right, it's kind of irrelevant. You've essentially been dating the whole time. Though we never made it to our morning run yesterday. In fact, we didn't leave the house at all.

[Elle]

Ha.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Elle]

Incredible.

[Shane]

Thank you guys for giving me hope. Even if all your suggestions completely disappeared at that moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked.

[Elle]

Oh, that's really beautiful.

[Shane]

And then she's like, you're a Redditor.

[Elle]

She's like, I'm out of here.

[Shane]

Duh. Done.

[Chance]

Oh that's sweet. Okay, I'm glad that ended like that.

[Shane]

That was very sweet. Very sweet. Okay, moving on to Our next story comes from Am I the Am I the for buying my girlfriend vanilla shampoo?

[Elle]

Is she allergic to vanilla?

[Shane]

Yes, you're the yeah. Why did you do that?

[Chance]

Next story. Moving on and on.

[Shane]

My girlfriend uses a few different types of shampoo and alternates between them. One of them, a vanilla scented one, is my favorite. She asked me to pick up some things for her at the store and on my way to check out, I saw the vanilla shampoo and grabbed that too. When I got back to her apartment, she started putting away the things I bought. She was confused by the shampoo and asked me why I got it. I said that I saw it and knew she uses that kind and grabbed it for her. She said she wasn't running low on shampoo. I said, I know, but it doesn't expire and that one is my favorite favorite. I teasingly said that she should use it if she's planning to wash her hair tonight. She asked what I meant by it being my favorite. I said I like the way it makes her hair smell like cookies. She looked a little weirded out. I asked her if she was okay. She said it was weird that I sexualized her shampoo. I said smelling nice is sexy. I asked if she thinks I'm sexier when I use nice smelling soaps and deodorants. She said not really, as long as I don't actively smell bad bad. I said, maybe it's different for everyone. She said honestly, it bothered her that something as mundane as shampoo was sexual to me. She asked Me if someone else smelled like vanilla, would I be attracted to them? I said no, that she was misunderstanding me. She asked me to clarify, but I don't think I did a good job. I said I specifically like the smell on her, not other people. She still seemed put out, so I headed home to give her space. Was I an asshole for buying the shampoo and telling her I like when she uses it? To me, that's not weird, but maybe that's because I'm a guy guy. Is there a layer to this? I'm not seeing you getting horned up

[Chance]

in the spice aisle.

[Elle]

Pig

[Shane]

Saffron.

[Chance]

Oh,

[Shane]

okay. As we were talking about before with every Reddit post, it's like, all right,

[Chance]

we're this is one side.

[Shane]

We're opening the door into a relationship that's probably been going on for a long time.

[Chance]

Yes.

[Shane]

I feel like big crazy things happen in relationships and people don't talk about and then it's the little tiny thing that happens. Suddenly it blows up. Right. There was lotion man back in the day. This is now shampoo guy. This is similar thing. If it on this from his perspective on reading her, it does come across as like, oh, she's finding a reason to be upset to get out of this.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But that's what it reads to me.

[Chance]

The hunch is if we're going to try and find the other perspective is maybe he's like overly sexualizing her often.

[Elle]

That's what it sounds like.

[Chance]

He's a little tired of all of the sexualizing, so.

[Elle]

And the window into that conversation for

[Chance]

her is was this shampoo moment.

[Shane]

Yeah. There could be a lot more information on this one to come. Verdict? Not the comments. I would have thought it was sexy and cute. You're not the at all the most romantic thing my husband did for me was buy me a personal pizza with olives on it because I told him I like it, but I but hadn't ordered one in years because I just eat what everyone else likes and they don't like olives. We were talking about something else and I just casually mentioned it as an aside. Side. Three weeks later I came home and it was sitting on our kitchen island with a heart drawn on the box. It wasn't the pizza. It was confirmation that he was listening to me and not just paying attention to his phone. Being attentive is important. Op said I thought I was being sexy and cute too. She's my first real relationship, so I acknowledge that I'm inexperienced here, but I thought it was a very innocent way to flirt. It's not like I bought her underwear.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I guess we don't get to know how long they've been dating, but either way, if I heard this story, I'm just like, oh, so you guys, something's wrong. This is bad.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Because. Yes, I agree. Like, in a normal, healthy relationship, it's. This would be normal.

[Chance]

Yeah, that would be something.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Elle]

And like, it's like the whole idea of cologne and perfume, it's like, it can be. The smell can absolutely be sexy. Like, yeah, I feel like it's one

[Shane]

of the most, like, it's common.

[Chance]

Common thing.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You're wearing my favorite cologne. Like, I'm wearing your favorite, like, perfume. Like, that is. It's interesting. Someone said, not the. What on earth. You did something nice. She should have said, thank you. My husband comments, if he likes my perfume, she presumably buys the vanilla scented shampoo because she also likes the smell. Making it out like, you're some weird freak for also liking the smell as well. Wild. It's like she was looking for something to fight about. Yeah. Opie said, yeah, I don't get it. Liking certain smells is normal, right? Isn't that the point of scented things and perfume? It's not a creepy thing to like and see.

[Elle]

Then hearing everyone dogpile and mob mentality. This woman who we didn't get her side of the story at all was like, well, what did the conversation sound like from her point of view? And when else is this happening?

[Chance]

Right?

[Shane]

Sure. I mean, that is the tough thing.

[Chance]

What is he asking of her on a regular basis that might get her to do that?

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I. I would say this go one of two ways for me. It's like, either we find out that, oh, he's been doing a lot like this.

[Chance]

Y.

[Shane]

He's been pushing, like, he's been saying, do these things. Whatever. I'm not of that camp believing that. Like, yeah. He said, oh, use this shampoo tonight. Which is like, okay. Like, maybe. Maybe there's a lot of that going on. What it does also seem is like, she wants to end this relationship and she's trying to find a way to do it. So I won't be shocked if we read an update and it's like, oh, she's cheating on me or whatever. Sure, there's that too. Update.

[Chance]

Okay, good.

[Shane]

So here we go.

[Chance]

All right.

[Elle]

I fucked her shampoo.

[Shane]

So yesterday, my girlfriend didn't like it that I took it upon myself to buy her vanilla shampoo when I was picking some things up for her at the Store. We met up at her apartment again this morning for breakfast and I asked if we could talk about our boundaries and expectations because I never want to make her feel uncomfortable.

[Elle]

Okay.

[Shane]

Yeah. So it's. I'm having a hard time believing that he's in the wrong. She agreed that we should talk. She said that when she visited her family over winter break, she had time to think about our relationship and talk to her parents and sister about me. She said that space and perspective made her realize some things. The first thing she realized is that she isn't happy that we always meet at her apartment. I said I completely understand this and that she is welcome to come hang out at mine. When we first started dating, she didn't want to visit my apartment often because of my four roommates. But things changed and I get that. She still doesn't want to hang out at my apartment because of my four roommates though. She said that my living situation is too crowded and it bothers her. I asked if she wanted me to move and she said she would like it if I made a commitment to finding a new living situation by the next semester. Since the next semester is a long way off, this isn't unreasonable. But I was hesitant. I really like my living situation. My friends and I help each other out a lot. I don't necessarily want to live alone and it is expensive. She can afford to live alone, but I don't necessarily think I. I could. I explained that I didn't think I could afford it. She suggested I ask my parents for money, which isn't an option. She also pointed out that I have a part time job, but that doesn't make me enough money to pay for my own apartment. I asked if me spending too much time at her apartment was the only issue because I felt like there was more to the shampoo thing. She said yes, that she didn't like that. She said she didn't like the idea that I'm constantly thinking about having sex with her and that it made her feel disrespectful. Expected. I said I'm not constantly thinking about having sex with her. I told her it's more that I really like her and sometimes she does things and I think they are sexy, but that doesn't mean I necessarily want to have sex at that moment. It's just my internal monologue going that was sexy. That wasn't the right way to explain it. She didn't seem to understand where I was coming from. She asked me what was going through my head when I was at the store and if I was thinking about having sex with her I said I was thinking about the store, the items I needed to buy, inflation, etc etc and then I saw the shampoo and I thought about how she uses it and it makes her hair hair smell amazing and I bought it. She asked if I specifically thought about the way her hair smelled the last time we had sex and I said yes. But it wasn't like I had a full sex fantasy in the store. It was momentary thought. She said that it isn't normal and I might have Tourette's or ADHD or OCD or some other condition that causes intrusive thoughts.

[Chance]

You dude, just break up. My God.

[Shane]

I'm really glad I made the last post because I was worried about what she said. But then I remembered all the commenters that mentioned also feeling the same way about sense. I told her I post about our conversation in an anonymous online forum and several people feel the same way I do about smell. I said I think it is normal to feel that way about scents, but maybe it isn't ubiquitous. She said it isn't normal and I might want to talk to a doctor about potentially having hypersexuality. Between her not liking my living situation and her not liking that I am attracted to her smell, which is probably my fault because I wasn't doing a good job of explaining things. I realized we just weren't compatible. I told her I thought maybe we had different needs for a relationship and maybe we'd be better off as friends. She said she was disappointed in me but that she agreed. We hugged it out. I'm a little bummed, but we were only dating for four months. Thanks for being my normalcy barometer since I don't have one for relationships yet. Okay.

[Elle]

Yeah, good.

[Shane]

Jesus Christ. Her being like, you need to move out and him being like, I can't afford that. She's like, ask your parents for money. I'm like, oh, she is so naive. Like, like, yeah, she is not in the real world yet.

[Chance]

Also.

[Shane]

Oh, just get money. Yeah, don't just get.

[Chance]

Just get more money. What are you doing?

[Shane]

Stupid idiot Money.

[Chance]

You have two.

[Elle]

What?

[Shane]

The son's up now you're dying and you're a doctor? Yeah. She's like, no, it's not normal. She diagnosed him with Tourette's, ADHD and hypersexuality.

[Chance]

Right?

[Shane]

Holy. She's like pre med.

[Elle]

I know.

[Shane]

Yeah. Good God. God.

[Chance]

Also, four months. That was a. That was fun twist.

[Shane]

If someone's telling you to move, change your living situation and Is diagnosing you with things.

[Chance]

Get out of there.

[Shane]

Get out.

[Chance]

Glad that ended that way.

[Shane]

Update number two.

[Elle]

I don't know.

[Shane]

They broke up. He broke up with her. He's like, my new girlfriend's a cookie and she smells amazing. I'm dating a cookie. Look, I. I won't lie. Sometimes I've seen a cookie. I'd be like, okay, okay, Shane, we could date.

[Elle]

Read the update.

[Shane]

But then I eat them.

[Chance]

Listen, the cookies that have like the circle of frosting on and they're kind of like you guys, they feel like they're made of play. D'oh.

[Shane]

I know what you're talking about.

[Chance]

Those low key hit. I'm gonna be honest, and I would low key hit the cookie.

[Shane]

Okay, okay.

[Chance]

Read the update.

[Shane]

The only problem, if I bite into a cookie and it is too crunchy, too hard, I'm out.

[Chance]

Really?

[Shane]

I'm so dangerous.

[Chance]

They're anti tates.

[Shane]

I love, like a soft, chewy meat. If there. It's soft, chewy. Hell yes. Who likes a hard cookie?

[Elle]

Okay, wait.

[Shane]

I'll tell you something.

[Chance]

I like a hard cookie.

[Elle]

I'll eat any cookie. I have something to admit. Oh, I prefer crazy. Okay. I prefer oatmeal raisin to chocolate chip cookies.

[Shane]

I. I don't think that's controversial, chance.

[Chance]

Me too.

[Shane]

I don't think that's controversial. I think an oatmeal raisin cookie is delicious. I actually love so many flavors of cookie. As long as they're. They're on the softer side. Okay. A soft oatmeal raisin cookie. Oh, a sugar cookie. No, I love a sugar cookie.

[Elle]

A sugar cookie. I need some flavor up in that mix.

[Shane]

I don't know if I've had a cookie that I'm like, I don't like that flavor.

[Elle]

Sugar is just like, sweet.

[Shane]

It's delicious. Yeah. And I'm a little animal. Kind of got that light, light, sugary thing going on that there.

[Chance]

All right, read the update.

[Shane]

Update. I broke with my girlfriend three weeks ago and have been on a few dates since then. She texted me a few hours ago asking to give us another shot. Oh. Course, if it wasn't for all the feedback you guys gave me, I probably would have taken her up on the offer. Keeping in mind what she said about me, I turned her down. She said she noticed some alarming patterns in me and that she might have overreacted. I told her I understand and that it's okay, but I'm interested in dating some more. More. She said the grass isn't always greener. On the other side and we know we are compatible. I disagreed with her and said we aren't actually compatible because of the housing situation. She said she is willing to give me another shot and if we work out in six months to a year, we can move in together. I still said no. I definitely would have agreed before I read all your comments. So yeah, thanks again. I have a couple of dates scheduled for this weekend. First and a second. Wish me luck.

[Chance]

Damn, dude, you don't got to go that fast. But.

[Shane]

Oh, okay. Good for you. We get it. Not surprised.

[Elle]

How many months had it been?

[Shane]

They were only dating for four months and now it was been three weeks.

[Chance]

It's almost a month later.

[Elle]

It's got it. It takes half the time.

[Chance]

Yeah. To like get over.

[Elle]

Yeah, that's what Carrie said.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Yeah, that's true.

[Shane]

He's over it. She's just controlling as hell.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Okay, well good for him.

[Shane]

Good for him.

[Elle]

Good for him.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Elle]

Also when he came to the conversation with boundaries, boundaries.

[Shane]

I'm like yeah, yeah man.

[Elle]

Boundaries and expectations conversation. I'm. I'm in 100.

[Shane]

Okay. Our final story comes from. Am I overreacting? Am I overreacting? My girlfriend left me over a cheese wheel. So some of you watching and listening have maybe heard this story before because Angela was on two hot takes and they read this story and Angela was talking to me yesterday and she's like I am so curious about your opinion of this story. So I think it's gonna be a wild ride. So buckle up and shout out to Hot takes.

[Chance]

Morgie.

[Shane]

For a little bit of context, OP and his girlfriend are Canadian. I, a 27 year old man and my girlfriend 26 year old woman were saving for a house down payment. I work and she is unemployed. I've saved about 23,000 USD and she has saved roughly 3,000 USD. So I feel like I be the brunt of the financial decision making here. I was doing the Oxford county cheese trail and found a vault release. They were selling a 140 pound wheel of 21 year old cheddar. It was aged using a traditional cloth bound method that's practically extinct here in Canada. And with over 21 years it is extremely concentrated. 21 year old cheddar often sells for $120 a pound. The farm was selling the entire wheat wheel for 18, $500. That's roughly 13,000 USD. If I cut it into 200 gram wedges and sell it at $60 each, $45 for us, I can make roughly $28,000 USD. I bought the cheese Wheel and brought it home in my truck. When I rolled it into our apartment, at first she was excited. When I started to explain the financials and investment potential, she turned sour. She didn't even yell, but expressed she wasn't happy about how I spent my share of our house savings. She is now staying with her parents. I think she's overreacting because she doesn't understand the Canadian housing market. Our savings is not enough for a down payment without a ridiculous mortgage, and we need to take these opportunities. Am I overreacting or am I the only one with ambition in our relationship?

[Chance]

Cheese.

[Shane]

Cheese. So let me, let me look at this math. So he bought it for 18,000. He bought it for, for 18,000. And he's hoping he can sell it. He can make 38,000. So he's hoping he can make $20,000 in Canadian cash.

[Chance]

He's going to turn this cheese around and make a big buck.

[Shane]

Yeah, he, he's.

[Chance]

How big is the wheel?

[Shane]

It's, it's £140.

[Chance]

That's like half a guy.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Rolling in a.

[Shane]

That's a whole guy. That's.

[Chance]

That is a whole.

[Shane]

Depending on the type. Depending on the type of guy. Guy. It's a lot of cheese. But now he's got to go about selling all this cheese.

[Chance]

Right.

[Shane]

And that's tough. You got to find interesting buyers.

[Chance]

It's just like door to door.

[Shane]

Jesus. Going to make all that back. You're not going to sell all that product. I've watched Breaking Bad. This stuff isn't easy.

[Chance]

No. And people want meth more than cheese.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Elle]

People want meth more than cheese.

[Chance]

And that's the takeaway.

[Shane]

He's on a corner and he's just got a big wheel of cheese. People like, yeah, okay, do you have cocaine? Yeah.

[Chance]

He's got a trench coat. It's really lumpy.

[Shane]

He's not in the cheese industry. He seems to have no background in understanding cheese nor being a salesman. That as far as we know, he, he just, he took a huge leap and dropped almost $20,000 on cheese. On cheese. No. If I'm her, I'm pissed off. He starts this off of being like, well, I have a majority of the savings. It's like, well, one, not anymore, but two, it's like, no, that's. You guys are shar, like saving up to buy a house together. Your savings are your savings, right? Yes. And, and he, as he addresses the Canadian housing market, is awful. Really hard to buy a house. He just made it. He set Them made it worse. Another year or so, probably.

[Elle]

He did set back. He still has.

[Shane]

He still has $5,000,

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Doug. There's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Bird Owner]

Hey, everyone, Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Shane]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Shane]

Liberty, Liberty.

[Bird Owner]

Liberty.

[Shane]

Liberty. Ever walk past a place for rent and wish you could just take a peek inside? Maybe even explore the layout? Envision the natural light streaming through the windows. Or plan where your vinyl record collection would go. At apartments.com you can. With tools like their 3D virtual tours, you can see the exact unit you

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

could be living in.

[Shane]

Really envision yourself in your new home with apartments.com the place to find a place.

[Elle]

Place to her.

[Shane]

$3,000.

[Chance]

So he's still in charge.

[Shane]

You can still make all the decisions out of majority.

[Elle]

I mean, but it's like if we're coming to the table as equals and we're putting money for it together, I'm like, well, it's his money. It's not a joint account. It's sure. His savings account.

[Shane]

I would say it for me, I would. I would think of it more as like a percentage of what your incomes. And it's also just like you're a team. So it's like, okay, we're pooling our research more.

[Elle]

Asked her before about the.

[Shane]

But it's also not a great. I don't think it's a great indication that he's like, oh, we're saving up to buy this house together. But he's like, oh, but I can spend my money however. It's like, right, you guys are gonna have to change this. It should definitely set a little bit. Yeah. Like before you go into a house together. Yeah. Because is this house always going to be his house? Like that resentment builds up.

[Elle]

What it sounded like at first.

[Shane]

And it's just. It's sounding like a red flag in a way, but also his impulsiveness.

[Elle]

Are they married?

[Chance]

Married? Yeah.

[Shane]

No, they're not married.

[Elle]

Does it say how long they've been dating for?

[Shane]

It does not say. Four months.

[Chance]

Four months.

[Shane]

It does not say how long they've been dating together. But I think it's a huge. The impulsiveness to like drop that.

[Elle]

That much money, 20,000.

[Shane]

That is a lot of money. On, on cheese. On an investment. On like I'm going to. But it's like, okay, you're, you're taking on this job. Okay.

[Elle]

A full time job. Like, how are you going to find those?

[Shane]

That's a ton.

[Chance]

It's just like, see, you know, it's a very strange red flag to suddenly see your partner spend all that money on something that doesn't make sense.

[Shane]

And I'm not a cheese expert, but I am, I'm like aware of like guys, you're not gonna believe this. I'm not a cheese expert, but he's talking about, oh, they're worth $140. They often sell for $120 a pound. It's like, yeah, yeah, that's best case scenario, right? Like that's a fluctuating market, I assume. Like anything else.

[Elle]

I don't know the cheeseburger market.

[Shane]

I don't either, but markets fluctuate.

[Chance]

Yeah, I mean like a Pokemon card's worth $1,000, but you put it online and no one's buying the $1,000 Pokemon card.

[Shane]

Yeah. You know this guy had NFTs.

[Chance]

Oh, 100. I forgot about NFT.

[Shane]

How about that brain blast?

[Chance]

Remember the monkey ape thing?

[Shane]

That was crazy.

[Chance]

Jimmy Fallon was like.

[Shane]

Comments? 200 grams is 7 ounces. You could get a maximum of 320, 27 ounces slices out of a 140 pound wheel. Assuming zero waste at $60 each, that would get you $19,200, not $38,000. Your math is totally off for one thing. And I suspect you're going to struggle to find hundreds of customers willing to pay $60 for 7 ounces of cheese. So most likely you will lose money from this venture. That said, your money is yours to do what you want with. But if you have a partner you are planning a future with, it's a bad idea to make big decisions like this without running it by them first.

[Chance]

Exactly.

[Shane]

It breeds dist, resentment, instability, etc. You're supposed to discuss things together and make decisions together. That's how partnerships work. In this case, maybe your partner could have checked your math and explained how far off your numbers were and saved you from a costly mistake. His math was really bad. I'm not a good math person, but his math was really bad. Yeah, he should have. Honestly, he could have posted in a different Reddit thread. There's the Reddit thread. They did the math where you, you can like put any sort of math question in There and someone will respond and do the math.

[Elle]

Okay, he should have said he's the asshole. What is the. What is the question?

[Shane]

Op responded to that guy though saying you are dividing the 140 pounds by 7 ounces, but you are forgetting that there are 16 ounces in a pound. So if you divide the 140 by 7, the 7 goes into 14 twice.

[Chance]

Okay, the way he said that makes me not want to believe whatever he said.

[Shane]

Yeah, I don't know if I'm buying the this guy. Someone said you spent 18,500 on cheese with no actual plan on how you're going to recoup that outside of yeah, I can totally sell this. Incidentally, your math is way off. Selling 317 wedges at six $60 each comes to 19,050, which nets you a whopping $650 for what will surely be weeks of work on the completely off chance you managed to sell everything. Someone else said, who is going to pay $120 for a pound for cheese that some random person is selling out of their apart was going to spend that much? I'd want to know that it was stored and handled properly. And actually, do you need a food safety license to do this kind of thing? Op said, one, it's not a commodity, it's a heritage cheese and the value is determined by the scarcity. You can't get this cheese from a regular retailer. Two, I have my Ontario Food handlers certificate. Okay. Someone said, after you cut the cheese, how long will the wheel stay for fresh? Can you store it appropriately to preserve it for that length of time? OP said the cheese will not spoil. After 21 years. All the moisture has been replaced by calcium lactate crystals. Once the wax seal is broken, I will be putting it in my chest freezer. Someone said, how did she save $4,000 being unemployed unless it was from her unemployment payments. But he never mentioned she was getting paid. Unemployment. How much does unemployment even pay out total anyways? Maybe it was birthday Christmas money from relatives. If you were to look at it as a percentage saved to money available or in this case earned. She saved way more than he did. Why was he not contributing his fair share? Op said, she doesn't have any overhead because I pay the bills. Hence why I feel that it is acceptable for me to make financial decisions like investing in high yield assets like the traditional clothbound 21 year age

[Elle]

title,

[Chance]

not the government name of the cheese.

[Shane]

Oh I listen brother, I don't care.

[Chance]

All this math in and out. I don't g give A.

[Shane]

No. I don't care.

[Chance]

He's just being. He's a weirdo, controlling guy who spent all his money on cheese and didn't even do the math right.

[Shane]

He's a dumbass.

[Chance]

He's a dumbass.

[Shane]

Yeah. I thought at first that it was going to be like, oh, he bought this wheel of cheese for like, 500 bucks. Yeah. Or something. It's like, yeah. But no, you dropped $18,000 if you're driving. Dropping. If you're dropping near $20,000 on something with the expectation you're gonna make money, you've been scammed.

[Elle]

I think he deserves death.

[Shane]

We should.

[Elle]

And I'm not. I'm not, like, exaggerating.

[Shane]

Like, he.

[Chance]

He should be wrapped in a cloth and.

[Elle]

And age and turned into 21 years.

[Shane]

To be clear, the Redditors who. And if a Redditor responds with a detailed math assessment, they're believe them. Right. You should believe. Believe them. And he said, you're, at most going to make, like, 600 bucks off of this.

[Elle]

Like, he bought.

[Shane]

He bought this cheese at market price. He, because he did bad math, thought that he was getting it at a deal, when actually it was sold to him at the price that it's worth. And then he just completely fudged this. I love, though, I love when the OP responds to comments disproving them. Like, I'm like, you posted on Reddit asking for responses, and then you're gonna go to war.

[Chance]

Yep.

[Shane]

I'm like, all right, man. I'm gonna be entertained by.

[Elle]

Yeah, he could have bought, like, a

[Chance]

used car and, like, flipped it and made it, like, a nicer car. That makes slightly more sense.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Than a cheese wheel.

[Shane]

But still, truly, he would have been better off just investing the money into just an account. But yeah, like, because.

[Chance]

Oh, you mean not spending the money or.

[Shane]

Yeah, just not spending your money. You would have so much more money. Yeah. Update.

[Elle]

No.

[Chance]

Okay.

[Elle]

I don't need an update.

[Chance]

I do.

[Shane]

We need it. What if he got rich?

[Elle]

Okay, then I. I would like if

[Shane]

he got super rich. He literally. This guy is a character from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Yes. Like, this is Charlie. This is a Charlie move. I have taken some of your feedback into consideration from my last post. For those curious. My girlfriend is no longer in the picture. She cracked due to low risk tolerance, so I've decided to go all in on the business. She cracked due to low risk tolerance. That's.

[Elle]

Cheese is high risk.

[Shane]

I'm going to say tolerance. I initially tried to return the wheel to the Distributor to recoup some capital, thinking they'd have some pity. They were actually considering it until they came out to look at it in my truck. Apparently, the minor heat damage I caused to the paraffin wax while trying to open last week compromised the wheel, which was already non refundable in the first place. Since I'm now stuck with a 140lbs $30,000 asset, I had to pivot to asset protection and keep what I still have. I went out and bought a true TBB 2 HC 59 inch solid door, back bar cooler, a professional digital temperature humidity controller and industrial humidifier, a vacuum set sealer and ripening mats. Total cost was about $8,500.

[Elle]

That's all.

[Chance]

This man blew his money on the cheese.

[Shane]

On cheese. Expensive, yes, But I wasn't going to let a $30,000 investment depreciate value. I've started to notice that this is a thing that dudes do. And it's just if they use these certain words, they think that. They think that they're being smart. It's like, no, man, you spent money on cheese. Cheese.

[Chance]

And now a cooler.

[Shane]

And now depreciating value. Value. You're talking about the cheeses melting in your truck.

[Chance]

You got melted cheese in your.

[Shane]

What is.

[Chance]

You got. You got. You got the inside of a mozzarella stick all over the. The back of your truck.

[Shane]

Yeah, you. Stop saying asset. You have cheese in your truck of cheese. Stop it. Whenever a guy comes to you and he's. If you have a cousin. Everybody has a cousin who's probably doing this. Coming at you with those words. They don't know what they're talking about.

[Chance]

Don't know what they're talking about.

[Shane]

About. Okay, so he's now blown all of his money. The delivery was difficult. My apartment door is narrow, so I had to take the door entirely off the hinges and shimmy the cooler into the living room. I had made a millimeter of clearance between the frame and the unit. I was exhausted and excited, so I started researching installation on my phone before putting my front door back on. That's when my landlord walked in. Apparently he believes my door being off the hinges somehow removes my reasonable right to privacy. We already have a strained relationship because of my own use of the unit. He still holds a grudge because I was doing some light metal fabrication with a consumer plasma cutter in my kitchen a few months ago.

[Elle]

What are we doing? What are we doing? What even is a plasma cutter? Guy sounds awesome, guys.

[Shane]

He's starting to win me over, this guy. Crazy enough, Kramer here is pretty awesome. He's really.

[Elle]

Just because there's no door and no hinges, he doesn't have the right to look in my apartment that he owns.

[Shane]

He saw the cooler, the vacuum sealer, and the wheel of heritage cheese and started crying about commercial operations and fire hazards. I told him very clearly the cheese is for personal consumption. There is nothing in my lease that limits how much dairy a tenant can own. He's lying.

[Chance]

That's a lie, Maury.

[Shane]

The next morning, I found an eviction notice in my mailbox. It's riddled with spelling errors as if written a haste. I'm already preparing my defense for the landlord tenant board. Am I overreacting? I'm being evicted over dietary preferences as far as the landlord is concerned, and I feel like this is an unlawful action. Edit. I added a plus to the evaluation as it is possible to increase my margins depending on the quantities I sell in. Also, please bear in mind that I have sold zero cheese, so I feel like this is a premature action.

[Chance]

Bear in mind that I haven't done anything.

[Shane]

This is a huge L so far, Bar. He has photos of the cheese wheel and the eviction notice. Thank guys. When I was starting to be like, this has got to be fake. No, he posted photos of the cheese.

[Elle]

It's tiny.

[Shane]

No, that's £140. Maybe it's like tungsten. Maybe it's really heavy.

[Chance]

Wait, guys, if you're listening, you expected it to be like a six foot tall giant wheel that you'd have to, like, use your hands.

[Elle]

It's tiny.

[Shane]

It's very comfortable, compact. This is like, apparently cheese is heavy, like gold.

[Chance]

This looks like a poof you'd sit on in your living room. It's like a little. It's black and it's black.

[Shane]

That's the wrapping, that's the wax, and then that's a receipt. It's also duct taped because he tried to open it. Oh, it's duct taped. Oh, it's.

[Chance]

Yeah, that's duct tape.

[Shane]

He duct taped it back together. Also. Also Op's hand is in the frame. He's got a spider tattooed on his hand and it looks like a dagger.

[Elle]

Dagger.

[Shane]

Oh, his username is on the back of his hand.

[Chance]

That's awesome.

[Shane]

To guarantee that it's him, he. He wanted everyone to know for sure that this is real and it's not duct tape.

[Chance]

Shane, he's reinforcing his assets.

[Shane]

Yes, he's reinforcing his assets. He's securing his.

[Chance]

Securing his assets so the margins can Be quantitative.

[Shane]

And if he'd bought multiple cheeses, he would have been diversifying his assets.

[Chance]

Exactly.

[Shane]

Which is what he should have done. That's what he should have bought. Some blue cheese as well. Okay. This is awesome.

[Chance]

This is awesome.

[Shane]

I. I'm so happy.

[Chance]

This guy's real.

[Shane]

This guy.

[Chance]

This guy's real.

[Shane]

And he's among us. And he votes.

[Chance]

And he. And he has all this money.

[Shane]

Never voted in his life. No, this guy does not vote.

[Chance]

All this money, his.

[Shane]

How did he get all that money and then lost it?

[Elle]

So if I.

[Shane]

And you're talking to this guy and you're like, oh, how did you blow $40,000? And he explained this. I been like, you should have just gone to Vegas. Like, at that. His odds were better to go to Vegas.

[Elle]

And it's just not enough cheese for me. Like, you're going to buy $20,000 of cheese? I need to see some cheese.

[Shane]

This is heritage. Who cares? I want big cheese, big bugs.

[Chance]

Big cheese, Big bug, big cheese.

[Shane]

Comments? I hope girlfriend got her $4,000 back. Opie said integrity is an asset that does not depreciate. Unlike her savings, which will be eaten by inflation. I. I gotta punch this guy, bro. That. That's it.

[Elle]

That's it.

[Shane]

I thought there was more. I'm glad that guy lost everything over cheese.

[Elle]

Good, good, good.

[Shane]

Holy fudge. He truly lost his girlfriend, all of his money, and his apartment over the seas. Absolutely destroyed his life for cheese.

[Elle]

He deserves it.

[Chance]

He deserves it.

[Elle]

Yeah.

[Chance]

Okay. But real talk, how yummy you think that cheese is?

[Shane]

Oh, you know, that cheese is probably so good. Yeah. I. I'm hungry for that cheese.

[Chance]

Talk about the crystals in there. Ooh, I had a cheddar last night. Crunch, crunch. Delish big. I'm like, maybe I'd be a customer.

[Shane]

I. I would buy some cheese.

[Chance]

I'd buy some cheese at market price.

[Elle]

You have as the handle.

[Shane]

Oh, I'm not going to reach out to him.

[Elle]

Okay.

[Shane]

It's also been over a year. It's actually this is this month. Oh, this was this month.

[Elle]

Wait, we have to get some of his cheese.

[Chance]

We got to get some cheese.

[Shane]

All right. We'll buy some of his cheese.

[Chance]

We'll buy some of your cheese.

[Shane]

I'm sure he's eating how viral this went that he's going to sell some cheese.

[Elle]

Oh, it might.

[Shane]

He might. Maybe this.

[Elle]

Sell some cheese. Maybe.

[Shane]

He's actually so smart.

[Elle]

Way. 4D chess.

[Shane]

4 cheese.

[Chance]

4D.

[Elle]

4D.

[Shane]

40 cheese.

[Chance]

40.

[Elle]

40 mountain trap.

[Shane]

There's an old reference for you well, that's all our stories. Thank you both for, for joining me.

[Chance]

That was awesome.

[Shane]

That was awesome. And thank you all for watching. We're gonna be performing Smoshbreeze Red Stories live in LA on the 6th and the 8th. That's Wednesday and Friday this week for Netflix is a joke. So we hope to see some of you there. And also we're gonna be doing a lot of other Smosh Bees Reddit stories, like live shows this year, so make sure to look out for those. We're going to be all over the place, all over the globe, perhaps. So keep an eye out. Anyways, see you next week.

[Elle]

Bye.

[Shane]

Bye.