Exes And Oh NOs | Reading Reddit Stories

Summary

Podcast Summary

Smosh Reads Reddit Stories – Exes And Oh NOs | Reading Reddit Stories

Release Date: December 13, 2025
Hosts: Shane Topp, Ian Hecox, Damian
Episode Theme: Exes, breakups, and epic relationship fails, as told through Reddit stories

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Episode Overview

This episode is all about exes…and the catastrophes, betrayals, and wild drama that led to those breakups! Shane, Ian, and Damian indulge in some of Reddit’s juiciest “Am I the Ex” and “Am I the Asshole” stories—all centered on spectacularly failed relationships, legendary red flags, bad boundaries, and hilariously bad decisions. Sassy commentary, relentless roasting, and a few genuine thoughts about healthy relationships ensue.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Privacy, Trust, and Control Issues

[03:39–10:57]

• Story Recap: A man pressures his girlfriend to reveal her secret pen name (she writes romance/erotica), snoops on her laptop, and demands access.

• Hosts' Take:

  • All agree his behavior is controlling and a huge red flag—he’s the obvious asshole.
  • Shane: “Starting with ‘I demanded she tell me’… you’ve already lost. That’s transparent, blatant, controlling behavior.” [06:11]
  • Ian points out that privacy is especially important for writers and creators, relating it to their own experiences with NDAs.
  • Discussion on boundaries: Even in a relationship, you don’t have a right to everything in your partner’s professional life.

• Reddit’s Verdict: "You're the asshole. I have a right to know what she writes. Based on what? ... Don’t confuse that with having any sort of right to the information." [09:57]

• Memorable Moment:

  • The group riffing on possible pen names and genres for smut (Bigfoot, Minotaur, Cars), culminating in a debate about monster erotica. [13:04]

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2. Can You Press Pause on a Relationship?

[16:47–29:33]

• Story: After a six-week "pause" (with zero communication), a woman adopts a dog her boyfriend is allergic to, only for him to return expecting to simply "unpause" their relationship.

• Hosts' Take:

  • Six weeks of no contact = breakup in every normal sense—hosts agree she was right to move on.
  • Shane: “You broke up… Not responding to texts is ghosting.” [20:12]
  • Ian: “A break is so, so, so specific… you have to put the boundaries there.” [20:20]

• Reddit’s Verdict:

  • "He does not have any right to disappear without communication, reappear as if nothing happened, and expect you to be okay." [27:10]

• Speculation: Echoed suspicion that he might've tried something with a "hometown hottie," as Shane and Damian spun the scenario into a Hallmark movie trope. [24:21]

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3. Snooping, Past “Mistakes”, and Projection

[30:01–45:50]

• Story: A husband snoops on his wife’s phone, finds nudes she sent to a mechanic 16 years ago (before they met), freaks out and calls her names.

• Hosts' Take:

  • Name-calling/cursing an absolute deal-breaker—verbal abuse.
  • Damian: “The projection thing’s interesting… that does almost make me—maybe I shouldn't always assume cheating—but…” [32:37]
  • Ian: “When you have to snoop through your partner's phone… If you're feeling that way, you need to go to a couples therapist.” [35:29]

• Reddit’s Consensus: He's projecting, probably cheating himself, and way out of line to judge her for pre-relationship actions.

• Update Segment:

  • OP staked out a hotel, caught him with another woman, discovered a year-long affair.
  • “She was such a lovely young woman and I ended up having to console her and took her home myself.” [42:58]

• Memorable Moment: Literary dark comedy ensues as they imagine the "mechanic" rising from the dead, and riff on the husband’s “time-traveling” lies. [43:36]

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4. Photoshop Deletion: Dealing with a Partner’s Past

[46:14–55:12]

• Story: A woman secretly removes her boyfriend’s ex-wife from family photos using Photoshop, replaces the originals, and waits for him to notice.

• Hosts' Take:

  • Unanimous: “Weird behavior,” “immature,” “psycho,”—and especially harmful for the involved children.
  • Shane: “That is borderline traumatic, probably, for a kid to just be like, 'Oh, so our mom is removed from all these photos.'” [55:12]
  • Ian: “It's a weird hill to die on, and this is a weird behavior to try and fix it for yourself.” [51:37]

• Memorable Moment:

  • The crew jokes about how much crazier her Photoshop scheme could have been—like inserting herself into old family photos—“If you're gonna be crazy, you've gotta really commit!” [56:04]

• Quote: “It’s giving Nancy.” – Damian, mocking the jealous “jealous Nancy” insult. [53:28]

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5. Wedding Speech Disaster

[57:23–69:59]

• Story: A newlywed refers to his wife as a "cum dumpster" in his wedding speech, claiming it’s a long-running joke among their friends.

• Hosts' Instant Reaction:

  • Shock, horror, and laughter at the “brutal” and cringiest nickname ever.
  • Ian: “There’s no way… No one’s ever said that.” [61:17]
  • Damian: “I’d love to be a fly on the wall for that phone call with the mother-in-law…” [64:08]
  • Shane: “We gotta ban the ‘it was just a joke’ thing.” [64:39]
  • All stress that a wedding is not the place for this, and jokes at a partner’s expense are never okay, especially in public.

• Reddit’s Verdict: Overwhelmingly the asshole, with extra scorn for reducing his wife to “nothing more than something for you to come in at the wedding.” [66:55]

• Memorable: Multiple references to “dumpster fires, but not that kind of dumpster.”

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6. Petty Revenge: Potty Wars

[73:17–78:00]

• Story: A woman with IBS is repeatedly locked out of the bathroom by a sadistic boyfriend, so she poops in the cat’s litter box as revenge.
• Hosts' Take:
  • Complete disgust with the boyfriend’s behavior (“super abusive”).
  • Much laughter at the poetic justice, and an extended tangent about cats' reactions.
  • Shane: “What’s the joke here? What’s the bit here?” [75:17]
  • Ian: “When you fart on somebody and they laugh with you, you’ve found someone very special.” [78:14]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------------------|-----------------| | 06:11 | “Starting with ‘I demanded she tell me’ … you’ve already lost.” | Shane | | 09:57 | “I have a right to know what she writes… Don’t confuse that with having any sort of right to the information.” | Shane (Reddit verdict) | | 20:12 | “Not responding to texts is ghosting.” | Shane | | 32:37 | “The projection thing’s interesting....” | Damian | | 35:29 | “When you have to snoop through your partner's phone…go to a couples therapist.” | Ian | | 55:12 | “I would say that’s borderline traumatic…that is a horrifying sight.” | Shane | | 61:17 | “There’s no way… no one’s ever said that.” | Ian | | 66:55 | “…you reduced her to nothing more than something for you to come in at the wedding.” | Reddit user (read by Shane) | | 75:18 | “What’s the joke here? What’s the bit here?” | Shane | | 78:14 | “When you fart on somebody and they laugh with you, you’ve found someone very special.” | Ian |

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Key Takeaways & Recurring Themes

• Respect for Boundaries: Whether with privacy, family history, or physical space, each story hammered home the need for respect, honest communication, and healthy boundaries.
• Don't “Fix” the Past: Attempts to erase or rewrite a partner’s history (like Photoshopping an ex out of pictures) are not healthy or respectful.
• Context for Jokes: Public roasts, especially at weddings, must be made with the recipient’s feelings front and center—humor does not excuse public humiliation.
• Red Flags: Ghosting, controlling demands, snooping, gaslighting, and boundary violations are all universal deal-breakers according to the Smosh crew.
• Petty Revenge: Sometimes the best (or funniest) payback is poetic, as with the infamous cat box revenge.

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Funniest Tangents

• Extended brainstorming of monster erotica genres: “Bigfoot. Big Market. Trust.” [05:36]
• Speculation about “Nancy” and British insults (“slag”), culminating in Damian labeling everything “giving Nancy.” [53:28]
• “If you’re gonna be crazy, you’ve gotta really commit—Photoshop yourself into the family photos!” [56:04]
• Cat reactions and debates over the ethics and levity of farting in relationships. [77:15–79:59]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:39] Story 1: Demanding the pen name
• [16:47] Story 2: The relationship “pause” and the rescue dog
• [30:08] Story 3: Husband snooping on wife’s 16-year-old FB messages
• [46:14] Story 4: Photoshop drama with the ex-wife in family photos
• [57:23] Story 5: “Cum dumpster” wedding speech disaster
• [73:17] Story 6: Revenge in the litter box

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Language & Tone

• Joking, irreverent, honest, and occasionally wholesome—hosts frequently pivot from savage mocking to genuine advice.
• Strong emphasis on self-awareness in relationships, healthy boundaries, and owning up to being an “asshole” when appropriate.

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Conclusion

The Smosh gang tackles internet relationship drama with humor and a surprising dose of sincerity. Across infidelity, ghosting, privacy invasions, wedding disasters, and pet revenge, they serve up both brutal honesty and cackling laughter—making for an episode that’s as useful as it is unhinged for anyone navigating the world of exes and “Oh NOs.”

Transcript

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

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[Shane]

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[Ian Hecox]

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[Shane]

Through while supplies Last selection varies by location. Loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions. Seeloes.com terms for details. Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is exes, or people who are on their way to becoming exes. In fact, most of the stories we got today come from the subreddit amithex, which is a fave of mine. I am joined by two people who are. They're not exes. They're here right now. They're in my life. Ian and Damian.

[Damian]

Hello.

[Ian Hecox]

Hey.

[Ad Voice]

Hey.

[Ian Hecox]

Great to see you, man. And hey, sometimes you can be friends with an ex too.

[Shane]

Oh, totally.

[Ian Hecox]

But also sometimes you don't want to.

[Damian]

Sometimes.

[Shane]

No.

[Damian]

And if you ever want to play two truths one lie with me, you know.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Damian]

Let me know.

[Shane]

Sure.

[Ian Hecox]

At some point you gotta forgive yourself for that.

[Damian]

I never will.

[Ad Voice]

Okay.

[Damian]

Oh, it'll stay with me till the end of my days.

[Ian Hecox]

We just gotta get someone to do.

[Shane]

Something way worse to you and then it'll that's balance.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Call up Thanos.

[Ian Hecox]

I was gonna. That's all things should be.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Look, this knife I got at the gas station.

[Shane]

I think I'm always amazed when people do things that they don't realize is going to end their relationship.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane]

When they, like. We'll read so many stories where people do something so heinous and they're like, yeah, so do you think my girlfriend's mad at me or my boyfriend's mad at me? It's like, they're not your boyfriend anymore. They're gone. Yeah, it's. It. It almost scares me. Like, people are so unaware sometimes.

[Ian Hecox]

It's also the level of unaware that, like. Well, now I'm gonna go ask the Internet about it because something can't be right here.

[Damian]

Yeah, right.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Damian]

It's like a main character kind of thing. Maybe.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah. When everyone knows that we are the main characters.

[Shane]

Exactly.

[Damian]

That's right.

[Shane]

We're the protagonists.

[Ian Hecox]

We all dress the same color scheme today. That blue matches your eyes perfectly. And I just want to say that.

[Shane]

Thanks, Damian. All right, so shall we hop in?

[Damian]

Yeah, I'm ready.

[Ian Hecox]

Heck, let's do it.

[Damian]

I love me some relationship drama, so let's go toxically.

[Shane]

I love it.

[Ian Hecox]

We're going to fix some things here today for these folks.

[Shane]

We're going to do some good today.

[Damian]

I think so.

[Shane]

All right, so our first story comes from Am I the X? And also am I the asshole? This was posted in February of 2023. Ooh, am I the asshole for demanding my girlfriend tell me her author's pen name? Okay. I, a 32 year old man, have been dating Siobhan, a woman who's 32, for six months now. She's always been very vague about what she does for a living, saying things like writing and working from home writing. But recently one of her friends mentioned something and I finally dragged it out of her. She's an author. She writes and self published romance and erotica stories and novels. And while not rich, she's able to make a living out of it. I googled her name and couldn't find anything, so I confronted her about this. She said she's writing under a pen name, so I demanded she give it to me so I know what she does. She refuses, saying she doesn't want it to be leaked, even by accident and no one knows. I accused her of not trusting me and she still refused, which was really annoying. I tried a nicer approach and told her that I want to know her fantasies so I can try it out, and she told me that what she writes aren't her fantasies, but her readers. And she's still not going to tell me. At night, I tried to check her laptop for her pen name, but she changed her password before bed. I was annoyed and told her she clearly doesn't trust me and it's not fair because I have a right to know what she writes, especially since it's a sensitive topic and I don't know her if I don't know her pen name. She was furious that I tried to look on her laptop and told me to go home before leaving. I told her, when she calls to apologize, I expect to get her pen name with the apology. She called me an asshole on my way out. I thought she'd call by now, but she hasn't. My sister told me I was the asshole and I should apologize, but I just don't see it and need a second opinion. Was I the asshole?

[Damian]

I don't know if we get the answer on this, but should we take guesses on what the material is? I'm gonna say it's either Bigfoot or werewolf.

[Shane]

Bigfoot.

[Damian]

Bigfoot.

[Shane]

Yeah, Bigfoot. Erotica.

[Damian]

Yeah, it's really big.

[Ian Hecox]

I never thought of. Well, it would have to be. I never thought about that as a genre, but I guess that would make sense. The problem, though, Ian, is that you're displaying the same morbid curiosity that this asshole is. Yeah, we can't do that. She doesn't want us to know.

[Damian]

I mean, I don't think it's necess. It's not his business, really, to know exactly what she's writing, but I would be very curious. But I wouldn't try to break into her computer to find out.

[Shane]

Yeah, no. How he started was. I demanded she tell me. It's like, well, you've already lost. Like, you've already failed. Tell me you failed this already. And then, yeah, she didn't trust you. You told her, like, oh, you have trust issues. So I invaded her privacy by checking her laptop. That's proving her point. Yeah, I think she was onto something by not telling you. And look, I would understand. I would understand the feeling of insecurity or the feeling of hurt if you were dating. If you were with someone or married to someone for, like, a decade, you're like, oh, you're writing stuff under a pen name. And you weren't telling me, like, oh, what is that? Like, I want to know everything. I want to know. Six months is still, to me early on where I'm like, you're Getting to know each other a little bit still. And, yeah, that trust isn't fully there. Like, I think that's fair to say. When you're dating someone for six months, you don't. You maybe don't fully 100% trust them yet. Like, that is what dating is. Is that a wild thing to say? I don't know.

[Ian Hecox]

I don't think that's a wild thing to say. But I think she brings up a good point in there where it's not just about trusting the person. She's like, I don't want it leaked by mistake. I mean, I've had things where people will look, like, at a story on Instagram and zoom in, and zoom in, and zoom in and see something on someone else's phone and be like, oh, that's the info.

[Shane]

Like, right.

[Ian Hecox]

It's so hard to keep things private. And, like, as actors, we sign NDAs. You know, it's not wrong of the writer here to be curious. It is also not at all wrong for Siobhan to want their privacy. Yeah, but it's that kind of conversation where it's like, all right, can you be in a relationship where you don't get to know everything about your partner's professional life? Like, it kind of sounds like it's up to that, as opposed to, like, I deserve to know it.

[Shane]

Absolutely. He also goes on to say, oh, yeah, I want to know what your fantasies are so that I can try it out with you. It's like, that is not how this works, homie.

[Ian Hecox]

You're not reading a book. You can talk to her. At best. Yeah.

[Shane]

It's like, oh, I like the Fast and Furious movies. Oh, should we go 150 on the freeway? It's like, no, that's a movie. I want to watch the movie that's different than real life. And I feel like a lot of. Frankly, just from stories we read, it seems like a lot of guys seem to really not understand the whole approach to reading erotic novels. Like, they're like, oh, this is something you want to do. It's like, not exactly. This is something I wanna read. Right.

[Damian]

But this is. But she's writing.

[Shane]

She's writing it.

[Damian]

She's writing erotic.

[Shane]

She's writing it. And she makes the point. She makes the point of, these aren't my fantasies. These are my reader's fantasies. She's writing something that she's selling.

[Damian]

She found a market. I mean, Bigfoot. Big market. Trust me, Trust.

[Shane]

And this is how she's making a living. So she is probably past the Point. I'm sure she started writing from, like, a real place, but now she's probably got demands to me. Like, she's like, this is my living. I gotta, like, write what I think people are gonna like. You know, she's probably trying to find, like, her own fantasies there. But, yeah, she's making a product now, so.

[Ian Hecox]

Also, yeah, starting with demand is crazy. I demand. I don't think. I can't think of anything that I've ever demanded from a partner. Unless it's like, no, I can't even think, like, you can say, like, for myself to stay comfortable in this, I need us to make these changes. Are you amenable to that? Demanding something is crazy.

[Shane]

Well, that's transparent, blatant, controlling behavior. Right? It's like, hey, you have to do this. I'm telling you to do this.

[Damian]

Like, that's just six months in is kind of crazy.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's a huge red flag in this house.

[Ian Hecox]

We write dragon smut. I demand you write dragon smut.

[Shane]

I think he's the ex already and doesn't realize it. Verdict was he's the asshole.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Comments. You're the asshole. I have a right to know what she writes. Based on what? You want to know what she writes? Don't confuse that with having any sort of right to the information. 69,000 upvotes.

[Ian Hecox]

Nice.

[Shane]

Let's go, let's go. And Reddit kept it there.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, they should.

[Shane]

Nobody else liked it.

[Ian Hecox]

Thank you for the gold kind, stranger.

[Shane]

Whoa. Someone said, I can't believe she doesn't trust me. He said as he attempted to break into her laptop. Someone said, you're the asshole with bells on. She wants to write erotica from the safety of anonymity. You don't get to remove that. You're a double asshole for expecting an apology. If she were here, half the sub, more like 95%, would be urging her to dump your controlling ass. That would probably dox her in the event of a messy breakup. Someone said, you're the asshole. And you spelled ex girlfriend wrong. Nice. Got him.

[Damian]

My ex grill friend.

[Ian Hecox]

And that's why you'll never be a writer.

[Shane]

Yeah. Truly. Wow. Okay, good start.

[Damian]

All right. That's a nice ease in. I'm sure things are probably gonna get a little. A little saucier.

[Shane]

Yeah. Cause he was demanding. He tried to do something fucked up. He didn't fully succeed. He sucked at it, and thankfully. So I have a feeling these are going to get worse. Yeah. Where people actually do some heinous things.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Damian]

If you guys Were to. Were to write smut, what would you do?

[Ian Hecox]

Morning Glory or.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, morning glory. Looking for. I read it. No, like, truly, I need more suggestions from people because I'll read anything.

[Damian]

Wait, was that like a minor? Was it a minotaur?

[Shane]

What was Minotaur? Minotaur.

[Damian]

Minotaur. I'm sorry, I don't know. Mythological beasts.

[Shane]

They're minotaurs.

[Damian]

Oh, they're minotaurs.

[Shane]

They're minotaurs. Yeah. It's a fantasy world where all these fantasy creatures exist and that author goes on to write a bunch of novels about all sorts of monsters that people be fucking.

[Damian]

But really just the minotaur was what? Really?

[Shane]

That's the first one.

[Damian]

That's the one.

[Shane]

At least that's the one that I read. I've not read any other. I've not read any other erotica, but I'm down.

[Damian]

Just that one.

[Shane]

I'm down. Okay, I'll read anything. I actually on purpose in my reading. Just a fun fact, I try not to repeat genres. So I'll read a horror novel and I'll be like, okay, next I'm gonna read a classic lit. And then after that I'll be like, oh, I need to read a mystery. And then after that I'll be like, I'll read a sci fi. I like to jump around because I'm not a genre person.

[Damian]

Where's Waldo?

[Shane]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'll jump to, like, Goodnight Moon.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, a real who's who of genres. What would be your smut topic of choice? Because I feel like, you know, you asked us and that's great, but I feel like you want to be asked.

[Damian]

Oh, I never really thought about that before.

[Shane]

Like. Like the embodiment of a highway. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like someone.

[Damian]

Oh, cars smut.

[Shane]

Car smut. Well, that exists.

[Damian]

Yeah, you're right.

[Shane]

You've told me about a movie about someone fucking a car.

[Damian]

Oh, well, it was my strange addiction of a guy that's fucking a car. But I'm thinking anthropomorphic cars.

[Ian Hecox]

Fucking. Yes.

[Shane]

Oh, like the Pixar cars.

[Damian]

The Pixar movie. But then a people. Yeah. Hey, well, they're not people, Right, but they're.

[Shane]

Oh, so you're just saying in the cars universe, them having sex with each other. Yeah, of course. They gotta do something.

[Damian]

Well, how else are they gonna make more cars?

[Shane]

All right?

[Damian]

We bailed them out. Anyway.

[Shane]

You didn't ask Damien, what would you do? Damian, what kind of smut would you write?

[Damian]

Vampire?

[Ian Hecox]

No, I think I would probably. It would have to be like someone is super obsessed with a video game. But all the characters are like, man, that guy that plays this game is so attractive. I wish we weren't stuck in this game. Ooh, so it'd be like someone playing a hero shooter, like an Overwatch or something. And they're like, oh, I sure do like this character. And the character's like, wow, we actually like you too.

[Damian]

Okay, isn't that like, ready, player one?

[Ian Hecox]

No, this is a new one.

[Shane]

Okay, this is a different one. Man. Don't worry about it.

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[Shane]

SpinQuest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. This episode is sponsored by Aura Frames. We are deep into the holiday season and the pressure of getting the right gift under a tight deadline is always anxiety inducing. Why not make it easy with Aura Frames? Aura Frames makes it look like you planned the perfect gift all along. Simply plug in the frame, download the free Aura app. Connect your frame to wifi and just like that you your photos and videos are available. And what's great is that you can add them from anywhere at any time. Aura frames are a great gift because you can personalize it by adding a message before it arrives. And a gift box is included with no price tag, so you can easily ship it to your friends and family around here at the office. Here at Smosh, we have a lot of the Carver matte frames which have photos of everyone's cats on them. And the photos are changing all the time. That's the beauty of Aura frames. For a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off Aura's best selling Carver mat frames named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code PITReddit at checkout. That's auraframes.com, promo code PITREDIT. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. You can't wrap togetherness, but you can frame it. Now back to the show. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole and Am I the Ex? From about May of 2025. So earlier this year. Wow. Or last year depending on when this.

[Ian Hecox]

Is released because we're filming this in June of 2025.

[Shane]

All right. AM I the Asshole for Adopting a dog after I thought My boyfriend broke up with me? Okay. My boyfriend was going through a tough time and he said he needed a break. He said he was going to press pause on our relationship and go visit his family in Washington. I asked how you pause a relationship because I don't understand how that works. He said he needed some time to work on himself and asked me to respect that. After he left, I reached out to him a few times via text, asking him to let me know he arrived safe and to say hi to his mom for me. I received no response. I tried to call and left a message asking if he had broken up with me. I came to the conclusion that he'd ghosted me and my friends agreed. I was bummed and my best friend recommended I find something like a new hobby or a new show to watch that wouldn't make me think of my boyfriend. I decided to get a dog. My boyfriend is horribly allergic to pet dander, so I never even considered getting a pet. However, since he broke up with me, I decided to get one. He's a senior dog from the shelter that needed rescuing. He's low energy and likes to lay with his head in my lap while I read work or work, watch tv. After six weeks away, my boyfriend texted me that he was back and coming over tomorrow, which was yesterday, so we could talk. I was shocked and texted him back asking what he was talking about. He said he was back and ready to unpause our relationship. He said he would talk to me about everything. The next day I texted back asking what relationship. He didn't answer. Yesterday he showed up and told me he had done a lot of self examination and was ready to move forward on his life path. He even wanted to talk about moving in together. Then he saw my dog and started freaking out. He asked me how I could get a dog when I know how sick he gets. I told him that since he broke up with me, I didn't think it mattered. He said he didn't break up with me. I said he ghosted me. He said he communicated with me, telling me he was pressing pause and visiting family. I said, not answering texts is ghosting. We argued in circles and then he said he had to leave because he was getting an allergic reaction, even though he was standing in the doorway, not inside. I feel like he broke up with me and it was okay that I got a dog. He says that he never did, and therefore it's a horrible act of disregard to have gotten a dog. Which of us is right? My best friend said I should break up with him because he's a jerk. I don't think I should have to break up with someone that already broke up with me. If I break up with him, I'm basically agreeing with him and that he didn't break up with me and therefore I was an asshole for getting the dog. Right. Okay.

[Ian Hecox]

The semantics of it, of like, I didn't fire you, you fired me or whatever, like, who cares?

[Shane]

I'm kind of at that point where I'm like, it doesn't really matter. Like, you just don't want to deal with this guy anymore. Like, and you got a head start.

[Damian]

But he pressed pause. Guys, it's like a video game. Life is like a video game. You know, you just press pause.

[Ian Hecox]

The system will overheat if you leave it on for six weeks and it'll.

[Damian]

Burn in on the screen too. Yeah.

[Shane]

When I read the title, I was thinking. Or when it. When it first started. And when he's like, oh, I. I took a break. I was like, oh, it was a week and she got a dog.

[Damian]

Yes.

[Shane]

Like, if it's like, oh, the next day you went and got a dog. It's like, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, yeah. Six weeks.

[Ian Hecox]

That's crazy.

[Damian]

That's a breakup of no contact.

[Ian Hecox]

Six weeks.

[Shane]

Contact is true. Not responding to texts. Yeah, you broke up. You don't get to pause for two months doing something.

[Ian Hecox]

Like a break is so, so, so specific whether it's a break, whether it's taking space, taking time. You have to put the boundaries there. You have to have the until when? When is it safe for us to come together and talk? Are we gonna have check ins, whatever. For him to just be like, okay, done. Blocked for six weeks is nuts. Also, when he says, like, moving forward with his life plan, if he was visiting family out of town for six weeks, does the man not have a job? Like, what's.

[Damian]

Yeah, he put a pause on his job.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Damian]

He called the boss. Hey, boss, I gotta put a pause on the job.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

No, no, no. I'm actually not fired.

[Damian]

What do you mean?

[Shane]

No, I'm not fired? So you'll keep paying me. I'm not, but I'm just not coming in for a while and that's how it goes. Yeah, the audacity.

[Damian]

But I'm gonna have to put a pause on pooping.

[Ian Hecox]

Dude, that would be so bad for you.

[Damian]

Oh, well, you know what? I put a pause on it.

[Shane]

I think there's the middle. I mean, she's putting all these stipulations of like, oh, well, I don't want it to be that, like, I'm agreeing that we didn't break up. It's like, no, you kind of did. Like, he worded it so badly. He communicated it so horribly. Like, you guys did break up. Like, if you believed you broke up then and you were moved on, then you broke up. Yeah, like, that's fine. And he didn't text you for six weeks and she.

[Damian]

There was no, like, agreement either. No, he said, I'm leaving, I'm putting a pause. And then she's like, what are you talking about? And then just got nothing in response. So there was no agreement on pause.

[Ian Hecox]

Plus the like, I'll be here tomorrow. Like, this guy sucks a lot.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Like, I'm doing this now.

[Shane]

Goodbye. No, she absolutely dodged a bullet because he's just showing such disregard for her and her life, and he's just like, oh, you're this thing that I get to like, I get to make all the decisions. I'm back. Yeah, Actually, we're doing this when it's convenient for me. Yeah. And six weeks is a lot of time that it's like, oh, so you're gonna come back after six weeks and you're assuming she's the same?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, she's mourned for however many weeks. She's gone through all the stages. She's called her friends, eating ice cream on the phone at night, being like, why would this happen? She's moved on and gotten a dog. And now it's like, even on her end of, like, if she wanted this, I don't know how you reconnect after that.

[Shane]

Also though, even if they had communicated a break, and she goes, I understand, we're going on a break. We're putting our relationship on pause for six weeks. He goes away. He goes, you know what? I've grown and I've learned and I've realized I want to do this, I want to move in together. She had six weeks to do the same. To go, you know what? And I've decided I want to move on.

[Ian Hecox]

I was really happy when you were.

[Shane]

Here and I see that happen a lot. I've heard about that happening. And then the person who, who initiates it is blown away. Cause I'm like, oh yeah. Cause you weren't thinking about your partner. You're so focused on yourself. So yeah, you maybe do have to work on yourself and figure some more things out.

[Damian]

I also just like, I don't know, I guess I'm a little suspicious of people if they're like, I'm going on a break and I'm leaving town for six weeks. It's like, what are you doing during that time on this break?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Damian]

And then there's also, I feel like when people go on breaks, there's also, there's maybe. I feel like people don't always communicate like, okay, but are we seeing other people?

[Shane]

Right?

[Damian]

Can we do that? Are you just going off to like go, you know, get.

[Shane]

Are you testing something else out that doesn't work? So you're like, oh yeah, no. And let's move back in together and everything. Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

I wouldn't be surprised if there was something like that going on here.

[Damian]

Little hometown hottie, you know?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, I was gonna say a little hometown hottie.

[Shane]

A little hometown Hottie written by Ian Hicox.

[Damian]

All right, that is my smut book. Hometown Hottie. It is Bigfoot.

[Shane]

We're here in Oregon.

[Ian Hecox]

My summer with Squatch.

[Shane]

No. Yeah, yeah. Cause like a week or two is like, okay, yeah, you were going through something. Six weeks is like, did you go have a full on relationship somewhere? Else and come back. Yeah, I would never be able to handle that.

[Ian Hecox]

No.

[Shane]

Like, I'd be like, no, we're done.

[Damian]

The hometown, like, the fact that it's hometown. Just like. Cause, you know, high school X. Yeah. There's just those. There's those things where you. It's like when you were in high school, you had always wondered about this one girl where, like, the timing just didn't match up. And then now she's single, and then you're kind of wondering.

[Ian Hecox]

It's a whole Hallmark movie. Yeah. Like, is it Caleb Heeran or Matea Lane, one of those, like, popular comedians you see a lot on TikTok. That's like a Hallmark movie is like a girl with a guy whose whole problem is just like, I have to close this deal or it's gonna set us up for like 10 years and we're gonna be totally fine. And then she goes home and it's just like the first guy standing there, just a.

[Damian]

He's wearing a flannel shirt, always chopping.

[Ian Hecox]

A flannel chopping tree, a cord of wood. 100%. So it's like, I feel like that kind of happened where he's like, I'm gonna go to my hometown. And then, wow, she's there. And it's always been after six weeks, it's like, nah, Hallmark movies suck.

[Damian]

Little suspicious.

[Shane]

He fully ghosted her, right? This isn't just like, he was. Minimal contact, whatever. He fully ghosted her. And she texted him, leaving a message, asking if he had broken up with me, and he did not respond. And that if I'm in her situation, I'm taking that as a yes, we've broken up. And her friends clearly did. So if he comes back and anything, all she has to do is show him that text and go, you didn't respond to this. And then I didn't hear from you for six weeks. I have no choice. I don't get to sit here forever.

[Ian Hecox]

I will say this might not even be necessary, but the only benefit of the doubt I'd ever give to somebody like that is I have had a legitimate situation before where in a dating situation, someone was like, you haven't been, like, responding to any of my stuff. And I'm like, I didn't even notice that you texted. And it was like, I don't think I'm getting notifications for you. And I literally had to. I had this moment of like, can you text me right now? And then they did. And I, like, held up my phone. I was like, it's not popping up.

[Damian]

Oh, no.

[Ian Hecox]

And so like I had to like turn off notifications, turn it back on, and like it fixed it, but there's always like the half of a percent chance that something like that is going on. But for him to not even try on his end, he's not even reach.

[Shane]

Out.

[Damian]

And to go therapy speak for five seconds. It's giving avoidant.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, I think that was just Keanu.

[Damian]

Giving avoidant attachment style.

[Shane]

Verdict. Not the asshole comments. Which of us is right? Do the semantics actually matter? Six weeks of no contact and he just decides to magically show up again. And he thinks you should have unpaused your life just because he said so. Block him and move on. He does not have any right to disappear without communication, reappear as if nothing happened, and expect you to be okay with it. I'm willing to bet good money that if you accept this behavior once, it will become reoccurring for the rest of your relationship slash life. Nobody has time for that nonsense. Not the asshole. Someone else said, from what I've seen of breaks, there are rules discussed about what is and is not okay. During the course of a pause for the play button to still work, he wouldn't even answer a text clarifying whether he'd broken up with her or not. If he'd really wanted time to think and to protect the relationship at the time, he would have answered that text. The dog is the best f you were done response. She gets a lovely pupper and he has reason to stay gone. Someone said, I wonder who he was trying to get with that didn't work out during those six weeks. Tell him to shove his gas light right up his ass. Yeah, a lot of comments also went along with that line of like the six week amount.

[Ian Hecox]

That's so much.

[Shane]

I try not to jump to cheating like they're cheating on you, but six weeks is a lot of time and it's a specific amount of time and.

[Damian]

It'S out of town.

[Shane]

It's out of town, it's out of town. It's suspicious as hell.

[Ian Hecox]

And like, taking time apart or like taking a step back can be fine. But the idea where it's like, even if there weren't someone else involved, if you don't want to talk to this person even a little bit for six weeks, you shouldn't be in a relationship.

[Damian]

I think he straight up blocked her or silenced notifications, which again leads me to think the cheating thing.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah. I think in my real life, when. When talking to people with anything related to this type of situation or just suspicious behavior, whatever. Or just red flags. I don't bother with the concept of them. Them cheating if it doesn't even matter. Yeah, because I'm like, what he did, even if he went and he wasn't cheating on you, is still enough to break up with him.

[Damian]

Absolutely.

[Shane]

You can ponder, if he cheated on you, does it make a difference? I think you're gonna go about the same decision moving forward.

[Ian Hecox]

You're looking for an answer in situations like that. Like, what is the reason? What's gonna make this easier? But you're just trying to find control in a situation where you have none. End of the day, he screwed you over big time, right?

[Shane]

Finally someone said, guy reply. You're not the asshole. You replaced him with a far more stable and emotionally mature partner. Well done. Give that dog some hugs and go out on walks scoping for a new guy with your four legged wingman.

[Ian Hecox]

Nice. God, wouldn't it suck if the dog was like gaslighting her too? She's like, you got a way better dog. It's just like you're acting crazy and everyone's been talking about it like, whoa.

[Shane]

Dog's like, hey, I need to go to another house for dinner.

[Damian]

You actually didn't give me dinner. And we always do this. Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

My cats gaslight us all. I will feed them. Twenty minutes later, Courtney will come down and they'll start meowing. And I'm like, they're trying to trick you.

[Damian]

Oh, little bastards.

[Shane]

They're trying to trick you. And they'll look at me like, how dare you fucking betray us? We're trying to get second dinner.

[Ian Hecox]

You're not a hobbit, you're a cat.

[Shane]

They're bastards is what they are.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Next story. This one comes from relationship advice. We got this Buddy comes from mid 2023.

[Ian Hecox]

Good year. It was pretty mid.

[Shane]

A fine year for Reddit stores. Yeah. Okay. This is a 40 year old woman. My husband, who's 41, together six years, snooped on my phone and found out about something I did years ago before we met. Does he have a right to be mad? I'll get straight into it. For some reason recently, he started to think I'm messaging and meeting other men. I'm not. I've never messaged anyone since the day of our first date and I've certainly not met anyone. I don't know where this has come from. We have each other's passcodes for our phones, but I've never once felt the need to look at his. And I don't mind him using mine, but reading my messages. I do mind, as I don't think it's fair on the people I'm talking to. On to what happened. I went to the shops the other day and I left my phone at home. When I got back, my husband got in my face and called me a slag and a tramp and all sorts of other nasty names. He went through my Facebook messages and found a message from Sam 16 years ago.

[Damian]

Come on, bro.

[Shane]

At the time. At the time, I was so poor, having just lost my job and having bills to pay. I applied for hundreds of jobs and needed my car to get to interviews. It broke down, not terribly, but it needed a new alternator. I messaged a couple friends who were mechanics and both wanted over £100, which was a good quote, but I just couldn't afford it. I offered one of them I'd send him a couple of nudes for now and pay him when I got a job. He agreed, and within a day, I was back on the road. Once I had a job, I offered to pay him and everything was fine. The mechanic is sadly dead now, so my husband has nothing to be wary of. That's okay.

[Ian Hecox]

Must have been some real bad pictures.

[Damian]

I was gonna say that I was thinking that.

[Shane]

Or so good that he saw. Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

When your eyes fly out towards your style, they actually just stay there.

[Shane]

Yeah. Turns out he exploded.

[Damian]

Oh, like in Holy Grail or whatever.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane]

The Indiana Jones base melted. Okay. After he had finished ranting and raving at me, I told him I'll never forgive him for looking through my phone and invading my privacy. I asked if he'd found anything else, and he said no. I said, see, how many times do I have to tell you? In fact, I'm done telling you. I picked a few things and I left for my sisters. Where I still am now. Is what I did 10 years before I met him really that bad? I'm starting to think he's projecting with all these accusations constantly. And now I'm starting to doubt him. Once trust has been broken like this, can it be repaired? Okay.

[Damian]

The projection thing's interesting. Cause that does almost make me. And, you know, I guess I shouldn't always assume cheating, but it is kind of. It is kind of weird that he was, like, fishing for something to be like, see, you did this. Because, I don't know, maybe. Maybe our.

[Shane]

It is, unfortunately, a big telling sign.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah, it is. It is. As far as my understanding, and certainly anecdotally, it's very common of like, they become suspicious because it starts to be like, well, I'm doing this thing to them, maybe doing it to me.

[Ian Hecox]

It's something to justify it to. And, like, I guess I don't know fully why it happens, but it seems to be the case a lot of the time here. And also to, like, answer the main question, no, she shouldn't feel guilty. She shouldn't feel guilty at all. It's her choice on what to do with her body. She did it in a way that was just like, person to person, you know, is it right of the guy to accept that? But at the same time, she was in a place of need and she had to do what she had to do, and she did it.

[Damian]

And you know what? I applaud her ingenuity. I mean, whoever thought of doing a layaway like that, you know, like, being like, I can't pay you yet. Will this hold you over? Brilliant.

[Shane]

I mean, look, yeah, I agree, it's wild. It happened 16 years ago. Right. And I would let things slide far beyond that for what you did 16 years ago. Right. And especially, like, as she's describing it, like, hey, I was in a bind and I didn't know what to do. And she was a young person trying to figure it out, but her husband's coming at her with inexcusable things. Right. Like, it's one thing. I would say it'd be one thing if he was like, oh, like, you never told me about this, then I'm curious. But she doesn't owe him that. But just I could see him being like, oh, like, I didn't know this.

[Ian Hecox]

But he also snooped to find it.

[Shane]

The problem is how he found it out was in a way that already just completely destroys everything.

[Ian Hecox]

Absolutely. And, like, this is the math here, kinda hurts my feelings a little bit. But when you think about, like, it's like, yeah, 16 years ago, it's like, well, she's 40 now. And you're like, yeah, it was. Whatever it was back then. She was 24.

[Shane]

Right.

[Ian Hecox]

That's a young person.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's a young person. And as she said, she's like, I was in a bind. I was going through a lot. Like, sure, yeah. I think she's talking about once trust has been broken like this, can it be repaired? She's talking on her end, I think. And I've said this before, when you're already in a place where it's like, I need to snoop through my partner's phone. I'm like, this is already so bad. If you're feeling that way either. Yeah, he's already cheated on her, so that's why he's that way. Or it's like, if you're feeling that way, you need to go to a couples therapist.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That is so hard to, like, just, how do you fix that? Right? It is a massive question, and I don't know what the answer is.

[Damian]

Also, slag. Is that some crazy.

[Shane]

Yeah. What the hell is he crazy?

[Damian]

British thing.

[Ian Hecox]

It's like, you're trash.

[Shane]

It's British, so.

[Damian]

I knew it.

[Shane]

I don't know. He's going through something, right? I don't trust him.

[Ian Hecox]

I don't think I could ever call, no matter how angry I'd be. Like, you don't call someone, let alone a partner, like, a slut, a slag, like, whatever.

[Shane]

That's nuts. Yeah. That's verbal abuse, right? And I mean, he's gone to that realm. That's enough now to be like, you should not be with him.

[Ian Hecox]

No.

[Shane]

Because where is this going from here? This is only gonna get worse.

[Ian Hecox]

Also, he's 41. She's 40. That's an age difference, and I think.

[Damian]

That'S a huge age difference. Age or not break up. Well, Shane, you said you would forgive something greater than that. What about a homicide 16 years ago?

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Hmm?

[Damian]

Manslaughter.

[Ian Hecox]

Can't spell manslaughter without man's laughter.

[Damian]

Oh, that's right. Involuntary.

[Shane]

I'm talking about. Okay. I will talk about on a serious thing. On a serious thing of, like, I think judging someone, like, for sexual stuff from before a relationship, right? Where it's like, when I. Cause there's been other stories where people are like, oh, yeah, I found out my. My partner slept with X amount of people before we were dating. And, like, I have a huge problem. It's like, but they're. You're here now. Like, I don't know. Like, that was years before you guys were dating. Like, you're in the relationship now. How do you feel? Like, if you're having trust issues, then that's its own thing. Gotta figure that out. But this, I mean, yeah, I am contradicting myself from the previous one. This is making me jump to. He's cheating. Like, hardcore. I'm like, this guy's cheating on her. I'm feeling it.

[Ian Hecox]

He's the slag.

[Damian]

Like, how far back on messages was he scrolling? There's gotta be something in here. You have to go back 16 years of messages. That's.

[Shane]

It's true. You think about that, man. He is snooping. It's almost like he's trying to find a reason.

[Damian]

He is.

[Shane]

You can also yes, he's looking for like you're not as bad as I am or like I need to break up with you and I need to find a reason. Yeah, like the human mind does a lot.

[Ian Hecox]

Come on.

[Shane]

Update Comments I'd be more upset with the name calling than the snooping, but I'd also be questioning his sanity for flipping out about something from 16 years ago when you didn't even know him. Fucking batshit. He's probably cheating on you, dude. OP said I was upset about it all, to be honest. I've said a few times. Is he projecting someone said he's definitely up to something and when he found that it was the only thing he found that he could accuse you of. Not that it matters, because anything you did before you even met him is none of his business. Someone else said you husband is looking for reasons to divorce you. It's time to give him what he wants.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

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[Shane]

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[Shane]

Q U-E-T.com Spinquest is a free to play social Casino Void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. This episode of Red Stories is also brought to you by Masterclass. Recently I was gifted a Masterclass membership and truly this is the perfect gift for me because if you know anything about me, I love reading, learning new things and continuing my education. With Masterclass, you get thousands of bite sized lessons across 13 categories that can fit into even the busiest of schedules. A class that I have been loving is taught by renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel, who teaches you the power and the art of connecting with others. I've been listening to Esther Perel for a long time, so when I saw that she had a class on Masterclass, I thought I wow, great. I get to have Esther Perel as like my own personal teacher. So to get all these lessons on the intricacies of relationships was just incredible. What an opportunity. With plans starting at $10 a month billed annually, you get unlimited access to over 200 plus classes taught by the world's best business leaders, writers, chefs and more. You can continue to learn wherever you are with audio mode while I drive and commute. This makes classes really accessible for me. Masterclass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes up to as much as 50% off. Head over to masterclass.com pitreddit for the current offer. That's up to 50% [e-mail] pitreddit masterclass.com PittReddit Back to the show update. All right, one month later okay, locked in. One month later so what do we think? He was cheating?

[Damian]

I think yes.

[Shane]

I feel pretty confident in that bet.

[Damian]

But I don't know if she'll ever. I don't know if she'll figure it out, but I don't think they're together.

[Ian Hecox]

I think the mechanic is back.

[Damian]

Oh, back from the dead.

[Ian Hecox]

Back from the dead. And he chases the husband around the house. And once the husband's in the corner, the zombie says the moods were good and then just leaves.

[Shane]

And the husband's like, oh, and has.

[Ian Hecox]

A heart attack and dies.

[Shane]

That's good. All right, roll credits. I like that backstory. For months, my husband has been suspicious that I'm cheating, even though I've never even messaged another man since before our first date. He snooped on my phone and found a message from 16 years ago, 10 years before we got together, where I was short of money. So I sent a mechanic some nudes in lieu of payment for supplying and fitting an alternator. He called me all sorts of names and I got mad back and said I'LL never trust him. And I think he's projecting onto the update. And like many of you suggested, he was projecting and he's the one who's cheating.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, poor thing.

[Damian]

There it is, ladies and gentlemen.

[Ian Hecox]

That sucks.

[Shane]

I left for my sister's for a few days when I wrote that post. Driving past a Premier Inn near her house and saw his car outside. Waited by it for three hours where he eventually emerged with another woman. He said it was the first time and he thought we'd split up. She said to him, what are you talking about? And who is this referring to? Me. He literally ran off like a coward. I spoke to this woman who turned out to be lovely, and she said they'd been seeing each other for over a year.

[Damian]

Ooh. No, don't.

[Ian Hecox]

That sucks.

[Shane]

He told her he was living with his religious parents after leaving his wife, so that's why they can never go back to his place and had been staying in hotels. She was such a lovely young woman and I ended up having to console her and took her home myself. As for us, I'm back at home and he is now back at his parents, who were very disappointed in him when they heard the news and have been lovely to me. I've started divorce proceedings, but that'll be about a year away, I'd imagine.

[Damian]

So he's just a time traveler because he got his timeline mixed up. Cause now he's living with his parents.

[Shane]

Yeah, he is living with his parents.

[Damian]

And he divorced his wife.

[Ian Hecox]

He's spoken in the truth.

[Damian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Damian]

He just messed up the timeline.

[Shane]

Right.

[Damian]

That's really what happened.

[Shane]

That's how he went 16 years back in time to read those messages.

[Damian]

That's right.

[Ian Hecox]

It happens to the best of us.

[Shane]

What if he.

[Damian]

What if he killed the mechanic? I think I found my smut book to write.

[Shane]

Time Fucker. Yeah. I can't be too shocked by this. The timeline adds up that for a few months he's been suspicious of her. It's like he started cheating and then it's just like.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, for a year.

[Shane]

I've heard. I don't know the logistics or, like, the psychology behind it, but I've heard that when people cheat, they grow resentful of the person they're cheating on. And I'm like, that's so interesting how that works. But that seems to be what happened here. I mean, he lost his mind. Right? It poisons you.

[Damian]

And I think he probably was looking for an out. And then if he could blame it on her, then that would put him in Maybe a more favorable position for the divorce. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Not anymore. Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

My favorite genre of Reddit story, if it involves cheating, is like, I met the other person and actually they were sick and we high five all the time. I'm like, I'm like, yeah, like, I just.

[Shane]

It's very nice that she did not blame her because this woman didn't know.

[Ian Hecox]

No.

[Shane]

And hopefully this. This other woman is not going to stay with him either.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, I would imagine not because she has also been cheated on for a year.

[Shane]

Yes, correct comments. That was very nice of you to console her. Please be sure to tend to your own emotions as well. Got to look out for number one. Opie said, to be honest, I was already 80% certain I was going to divorce him after the name calling and snooping, so this didn't devastate me as much as it normally would. Someone said, I really hope his mother and father know that he abandoned the girl he conned into a relationship at the, at the motel and that you were kind enough to take her home. What a man. Opie said, I told them he abandoned a 23 year old 30 miles from her home. Talk about an age gap.

[Ian Hecox]

I was, you know what I'm trying to say?

[Shane]

You got the age gap.

[Ian Hecox]

When she said lovely young woman, I went. Cause I was like, God, she sounds like she's talking about like a 24 year old.

[Damian]

Oh, he's doing. He's straight up doing the midlife crisis thing.

[Shane]

He really did.

[Damian]

He's 40, dating a 23 year old. Yeah, brother.

[Shane]

He did it. He did it, he did it. And now he's alone.

[Damian]

Well, no, he's not alone. He's with his parents.

[Shane]

Oh, living with his parents, croissant in hand. I was with my parents. Next story, this comes from Am I the asshole and am I the ex? It was posted in spring of 2024. All right. A fine year.

[Damian]

Fine year.

[Shane]

A rumspringer. Am I the asshole for photoshopping my boyfriend's ex out of pictures when he was at work? All right, okay, okay. This is a 27 year old woman, my boyfriend, who's 36 of a year, was married in his early 20s and has two kids with his ex. He has three family pictures in his house that have her in the pictures. In one, it's her with the kids in the middle of the two of them. In another, it's him with the kids and her off to the right sort of in the background. In the third, it was him and her together with the two kids and Mickey Mouse. Disney. She put in parenthesis.

[Damian]

Disney. Disney. Oh, I was thinking of the other Mickey Mouse.

[Shane]

Yeah, just so you know. Parentheses.

[Ian Hecox]

Gas station.

[Shane]

She has been awful to me and I hate seeing her face. I've asked him to take the pictures down several times, but he says they are special memories with the kids. Well, yesterday I had enough. I used a scanning app on my phone to scan the photos, then paid someone on Fiverr to remove her from the photos. All three of the photos look professionally done. It's the same photos, just without her. I then went to Walmart and had them print new pictures in the same size. I put them in the frames. I put the originals in a desk drawer. When my boyfriend came home, I asked him if he noticed anything different. He didn't, which is what I suspected. The photos look great now and still have him and his kids. I pointed at one of the pictures. He got livid telling me that I was being a jealous Nancy. I admit that I laugh because what is a jealous Nancy?

[Ian Hecox]

It's kind of like a slag.

[Shane]

Yeah, well, the laughing really set him off. He asked for the originals back and said he was going to put them back up and gave me an ultimatum to either accept his past relationship or move on. I said, I guess you don't want to be with a jealous Nancy, and he said no. I laughed again and he asked me to leave. I have not heard from him since, but expect him to get over it. Really. This woman has been terrible to me. I'm not going to get started on it, but she has been cruel to me to the point of him breaking contact with her except by text to talk about the kids. I think I have every right to not want to see her face. One of the pictures is in his bedroom even. Maybe I should just get over it. I felt like I was doing him a favor because at least I didn't just cut her out, which was my original plan. Am I the asshole Edit? I have a great relationship with his children, much to the ex's chagrin. Several of you have assumed that I was the other woman in the relationship. I was not. They were divorced long before I met him. You are right that there was infidelity in their relationship. She cheated with two men that we know of. That's why they divorced. Also, for the people calling this fake, I'm not sure what to tell you. I'm starting to wish that it was because that would be easier than all of you calling me names besides jealous Nancy, which is still funny. All right.

[Damian]

There is one keyword in there that I think is kind of important. She said his bedroom. So this is his place. They don't live together.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, it's been a boyfriend of a year, they said.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

So.

[Shane]

Yeah, I guess. I guess so.

[Damian]

I think that's. I think it's like. I think that's weird behavior, to be.

[Shane]

Honest, on her part.

[Damian]

Yes.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Damian]

So it's super immature.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Damian]

Yeah. And it's clearly his things, right?

[Shane]

His place.

[Damian]

If somebody came into my house and started changing my photos.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Damian]

That's weird behavior.

[Shane]

Right.

[Damian]

But also to be like, did you notice anything? Did you notice anything?

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Damian]

What the fuck? Yeah, I'm not going into my house and going, that picture looks the same. That picture looks the same. Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, why did you. It's kind of the thing that I feel sometimes where I'm like, okay, if you're gonna do something shitty and secretive and deceitful, do it well.

[Ian Hecox]

Do it all the way. What are you doing?

[Shane]

Lie for long. I'm like, okay, so hold on. You did this huge deceitful thing. You went through this whole process while he was gone, only for him to show up and go, what? Anything? A little crazy to you?

[Ian Hecox]

I feel like I panic again.

[Shane]

Why did you do it?

[Ian Hecox]

Haircut, new shirt, new dress.

[Shane]

Yeah. Why did you do it all secretively if you're gonna just tell him immediately after? Like, I don't understand. If it's. If you're so uncomfortable by these photos, then you need to just talk to him and go, hey, I feel really uncomfortable with these photos. She's been horrible to me. It's triggering for me to look at her look. And if he says, no, I want these up, these are real memories from my life. You gotta accept that.

[Ian Hecox]

It kinda sounds like they did. It sounds like at the beginning he drew the boundary.

[Damian]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

And that's the problem. Look, I can understand being uncomfortable seeing the face of someone who's been absolutely awful to you. At the same time, it is a little, I wanna say immature of her. And there is that age gap, but he got cheated on by his now ex wife with potentially multiple. Multiple people and still has those up because it's such a special memory to him. And she's just like, yeah, she sucks to me. Like, I bet she did. I bet that person is really.

[Damian]

But she's still like the mother of his children. So it's like, I feel like they're just kind of at an impasse here where she says, this makes me uncomfortable. He says, too bad.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Damian]

And at some point it's like, do you just deal with it, or is this something where you just can't reconcile this difference and you just have to.

[Ian Hecox]

It's a weird hill to die on, and this is a weird behavior to try to fix it for yourself.

[Shane]

Right.

[Ian Hecox]

Like, you'll never guess what I did for us.

[Shane]

Yeah. Once again, like, when we're talking about, like, the other one was six months. This is the first year in that type of behavior. It's like, all right, I think maybe this isn't gonna work. You know? And same, too. If she was writing in, being like, hey, I'm really uncomfortable by these photos. This ex has been horrible to me, and I can't handle this. Is it my own asshole for breaking up with him, he'd be like, no, if it's too much for you, you can leave, but you can't control him, and you can't change his place and what he chooses to do with his things.

[Ian Hecox]

Like, I would only argue, like, maybe they could find a balance by adjusting the placement. Like, if it's the first thing you see when you walk in the house every day, that sucks. If it's in, you know, she said his bedroom. Like, you know, you don't want to look over at that. If you guys are being, like, romantic, that would suck. But, like, I don't know. Otherwise, I feel like there.

[Shane]

That's a fair ask.

[Damian]

There's a compromise. Move it somewhere where you feel like you don't have to constantly confront it.

[Shane]

Maybe. I struggle with Reddit stories like this where all we have is what they wrote.

[Ian Hecox]

Right.

[Shane]

And she's leaving so much out.

[Damian]

Yes.

[Shane]

And she's like, I could get into this, but I'm not gonna.

[Damian]

I can't get into it.

[Shane]

And I'm like, well, then I have no choice but to like, yeah, I'm not gonna add my speculation, but now I have nothing to go off of. And you're also not saying what the conversations were. So I don't know how those conversations sounded. I don't know how many there have been. Like, there's so much that's left out that's so key here.

[Ad Voice]

Yes.

[Shane]

Because I'm like, your behavior's not sounding so, like, yeah, nice and kind and respectful, but you're saying how cruel this ex is. But you're not sounding particularly.

[Damian]

It's giving Nancy.

[Shane]

Jealous Nancy.

[Ian Hecox]

You're acting like a proper jealous Nancy.

[Shane]

A jealous Nancy.

[Damian]

No, I think that's a really good point where, you know, she's saying, like, she's been horrible to me. She's been horrible to me. And it's like, well, you've only been dating this guy for a year, right? And you're probably interacting with this woman's kids. Like, there's gonna be some, like, friction there.

[Shane]

It's also tough that this is anecdotal, but, like, in Reddit stories and in real life, some of the biggest assholes I've ever known claim everyone around them is an asshole. And I'm like, that's always the problem is that they go, well, everybody sucks. It's like, you suck.

[Damian]

And she has the information that her boyfriend was cheated on by this woman. So, yeah. Do you think she's really going in with, like, the nicest attitudes to this other woman? Probably not. And how soon is she going to Photoshop herself into those Photoshop kids if.

[Ian Hecox]

She picks one kid she likes better and makes them a little taller? Like, where does it stop?

[Shane]

No, but Emily pointed out, and this is so true, this is probably the biggest reason she's an asshole in this situation is this is the place where his children definitely are at. And they see these photos too, and they're gonna see their mom removed from them. Yeah, that is horrible for them to see. Like, that is. I would say that's borderline traumatic, probably for a kid to just be like, oh, so our mom is removed from all these photos with us in it. That's a horrifying sight.

[Ian Hecox]

When you get someone that could be a step parent, it's like, now, I'm not trying to replace your mother. Then what's that? What's going on?

[Shane]

Our mom's gone. She never existed. Yeah, it's that. That would be terrifying as a kid.

[Ian Hecox]

Take a new photo with the group of them and hang it up. Exactly. And have a new.

[Shane]

There's so many better avenues. The verdict is she's the asshole.

[Damian]

Okay.

[Ian Hecox]

What?

[Shane]

Yeah, someone said you're the asshole. Imagine if the kids go over to visit and they see the pictures without their mom. I get that she was mean to you or whatever, but what you did was immature. 2000 upvotes. That's the key point here. Someone said, you're the asshole. She's the mother of his children. Whether you accept it or not, Photoshopping her out is psycho. Someone said to that, honestly, it would have been even better if she photoshopped the wife out and photoshopped herself in instead. Lmao. Like, if you're gonna be crazy, you gotta really commit. You're right.

[Damian]

There's no half measures in being crazy.

[Shane]

I'm like, do It.

[Ian Hecox]

Well, don't go on fiverr. Go on flippin tenor and do it right.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah. That's like pickpocketing someone and getting five feet away and being like, uh, oh, did you notice.

[Ian Hecox]

I photoshopped your wife out of this picture in your wallet?

[Shane]

Holy crap. You did that so fast.

[Damian]

She could have at least scratched X's over her eyes, you know?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Damian]

And some like.

[Shane]

Yeah. Been scary about it.

[Ian Hecox]

Put out the face and put it up to her face and go, hey, go full crazy. Yeah.

[Shane]

You can always tell when we filmed a Try not to laugh before a Reddit stories.

[Damian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Make a people suit out of the ex wife. Wear it, run around, do crime.

[Shane]

All right, our next story.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, boy.

[Shane]

I have been told to buckle up by our producers.

[Ian Hecox]

That's not what she said.

[Shane]

She inferred it. Okay, our next story was posted on Am I the asshole, Am I the devil? And am I the ex, the unholy trinity.

[Damian]

You know it's gonna be bad when it's Am I the devil?

[Shane]

Yeah, the ass Holy trinity.

[Ian Hecox]

Nice.

[Damian]

This was posted in the Matrix.

[Shane]

Yeah. This was posted in about summer of 2023.

[Ian Hecox]

A good year.

[Shane]

Yeah. Am I the asshole for making a joke about my wife in my speech at our wedding?

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, yeah, probably only.

[Damian]

Only if you slam the cake in her face right after.

[Shane]

I love this slag over here. Right?

[Damian]

This jealous Nancy.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, this is gonna be so bad.

[Shane]

Okay, let's get into this wild ride. Hi, everyone. I'm writing this on here because my new wife has been upset with me since our wedding, which took place last week. She has even threatened divorce on me. Many people in my personal life don't think that I was in the wrong while others are taking my wife's side. So I need some unbiased perspective. This is a throwaway for obvious reasons. So over the four years that we have been together, my wife, then girlfriend has been pretty active with our intimacy. So much so that our friends and even my parents have talked slash joked about it. This is well known in our inner circles and we have many jokes around this topic, many of which my wife herself thought were funny and joked about with our friends as well. One of the nicknames my wife received.

[Damian]

Oh, here we go.

[Shane]

I need a second.

[Damian]

Slutty Nancy Hoover.

[Shane]

There is nothing that's gonna prepare you for this nickname.

[Damian]

Okay? Oh, wait, hold on. Oh, wait, hold on. Let me try.

[Shane]

I want you to guess, though. Big Hol, One of the nicknames my wife received. Guess. Throw out a couple guesses.

[Ian Hecox]

It's gonna Be like the something, something.

[Shane]

It's gotta have.

[Damian]

Oh, the vacuum cleaner.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

That's why I said hoover.

[Damian]

Ball tosser. Big old cave.

[Shane]

You guys think you're being funny, but just wait.

[Damian]

Okay. All right. Throw it at us.

[Ian Hecox]

You get nine more guesses.

[Shane]

Come on.

[Damian]

I'm so ready.

[Shane]

One of the nicknames my wife received around this topic was that she was a cum dumpster.

[Damian]

I didn't want to say it, but I was. I was gonna. But I didn't want to say it. Okay, okay.

[Shane]

We all thought it was hilarious and fitting for her, given the circumstances. Given what circumstances?

[Ian Hecox]

Well, she's all full of.

[Shane]

All right. Okay, let's flash forward to the wedding. Well, during flash forward, I mean, I.

[Damian]

Feel like we need more context.

[Shane]

Well, during the wedding reception, many people were giving speeches. And towards the end, I wanted to say a few words.

[Damian]

Don't.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, no.

[Shane]

I thanked everyone for being there. Everything was beautiful, yada, yada. And then I wanted to talk about my new life with my wife, and I decided to throw in a joke. Towards the end, I said something like, I am so honored and excited to be spending the rest of my life with my beautiful cum dumpster. I love you, honey. All right.

[Damian]

Bye, guys.

[Ian Hecox]

Bye. You did good today.

[Shane]

I can't.

[Ian Hecox]

There's no way. No one's ever said that.

[Shane]

No, I believe it.

[Damian]

No. Cause there was. No. Cause there was. There was a video. There was a video where this guy basically says that, but in, like, a long speech where he's like, I can't wait to come in your pussy for 5 million, 4 years.

[Shane]

Weddings. Weddings do something to people.

[Damian]

I feel like there's moments where I need to pull out the phone and.

[Shane]

Show it to Jamie. We're all so far into a reception, and people get drunk. People get very drunk. Like, that is. It's wild. And people just say stuff. I can't believe what people say sometimes.

[Ian Hecox]

What world? Like, I know there's this thing where it's like. Like my 103-year-old grandma was in the audience. Like, there's no way that was.

[Shane]

I also think you have a dude who thinks he's being funny.

[Damian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And that bad stuff happens.

[Ian Hecox]

That's why you can't let every dude who thinks he's the funniest one at your office think he's that forever. You can't. This place is different. This is a funny office of funny people. I'm talking about in general.

[Shane]

Like, that's Brad.

[Ian Hecox]

He always says. He's like. And that's crazy. Like, no.

[Damian]

And you guys always tell me when my jokes aren't funny, so. Yeah, but I think also, most of the time, But I think also a lot of times guys misinterpret when somebody. When women laugh at their jokes, sometimes it's more out of being uncomfortable. Maybe not. That's actually funny. So maybe he, in drinking with a small group of friends is like, my wife's a calm dumpster. And everyone's like, yeah, I need to.

[Shane]

Know what context this was said. Cause he's saying amongst friends. I'm like, all right, cool. You're in front of both of your families now.

[Damian]

Yes.

[Shane]

There's probably kids. There's definitely people who just have never heard that before.

[Ian Hecox]

There's probably a minister.

[Damian]

I feel like there's definitely your wife.

[Shane]

Your wife is for sure. There's. I mean, look, people can be funny, whatever. My take, at least from the vibes, the weddings that I've been at is like the bride and groom are kind of there to like be the genuine one. Like, let other people be funny and save funny memories. But like, you don't have to hit with a joke, especially if you've had a couple drinks. That joke you think is funny, pull it back. I've learned that over the years, like when I'm out and if you drank at all and you're. Especially if you're giving a speech, it's just like, hey, just don't worry about taking that risk.

[Damian]

Nah, if I ever get a wedding, I'm going whole hog. You know, I'm going all in.

[Shane]

Okay. So he goes, let me resate. Let me.

[Damian]

Yeah. Cause I think we just.

[Shane]

Let's wind it back. Let's wind it back so we can hear this again.

[Damian]

Okay.

[Shane]

I said something like, I am so honored and excited to be spending the rest of my life with my beautiful cum dumpster. I love you, honey.

[Ian Hecox]

I just got chills. That's awful.

[Shane]

The entire room roared with laughter. All the groomsmen were laughing and a few of the bridesmaids were as well. My wife, however, did not look happy and pretty much avoided me for the rest of the reception. When we got back, my wife yelled at me about how I completely embarrassed her at the wedding with my joke. I told her that it really wasn't a big deal since many of the guests were well aware of the joke and won't think anything of it. The next morning, I got a call from my mother in law screaming at me about how I humiliated her daughter. I tried reasoning with her, but it was no use. I have been Texting the other groomsmen and the bridesmaids as well. And they think that my wife was just overreacting. A few guests that I am close with feel the same way. However, one of the other bridesmaids called me as well and called me a dick and an asshole. I feel conflicted because I was just trying to joke around in my speech. So am I the asshole for making a joke during my wedding speech?

[Damian]

Yeah, I would love to be a fly on the wall for that phone call he had with the mother in law being like, no, no, but you don't understand. Like your daughter kind of is so like really like using facts and logic. It was actually like a good joke.

[Ian Hecox]

It's a genre of dude that like when offending everyone saying like, it was just a joke. What do you mean it was just a joke? I tried to reason with them. Cause they're overreacting. It's like, like how many people have to tell you that you affected them before you believe it?

[Shane]

We gotta ban the it was just a joke thing. Yeah, like we gotta move past that.

[Ian Hecox]

I think it was a joke. And then calls it like I sees it guy. Yeah, those have to both go.

[Shane]

I don't love the. I said something like, as if he doesn't fully remember what he said. Followed by and everybody laughed. Everybody was laughing. I was like, were they? I don't fully trust you right now.

[Damian]

Again, if I heard that at a wedding, I would laugh. Cause it would be like a ho, ho, ho, fuck. Did he really say it?

[Shane]

You're right.

[Damian]

I don't think that's a good thing to say in front of family.

[Shane]

Right.

[Damian]

I don't know, maybe. That's a crazy take.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

I thought you were woke.

[Shane]

Verdict. Yeah. Asshole, sure. Very clearly. Yeah. So there's a TikTok that was circling around of a groom who said, only two things are required to keep me happy. Keep my belly full and my balls empty.

[Damian]

Those were his vows.

[Shane]

Yeah, those were in his vows.

[Damian]

His vows. His vows in front of the ordained minister or whoever.

[Shane]

Well, I watched that video.

[Damian]

And he goes on. It's not just those lines. He goes on. And then the wife had to jump in on the TikTok and be like, no, actually I was okay with this. And it's actually fine. And it's just like, brother, I'm sad.

[Shane]

All right, comments? I got to the nickname and thought, oh no, he did. He really, really did. What a dumbass. Someone said you're the asshole. Forget even Reddit's judgment. Your wife thinks you're the asshole. Why would some Internet stranger's opinion matter? Have you even apologized? Someone else said to that. That's the thing. I really hope this isn't real. Lastly, someone said, you're the asshole. A normal joke does not always translate to a wedding friendly joke. That is the first thing I have to say. Second of all, does your wife even like being called that you reduced her to nothing more than something for you to come in at the wedding? Heck, yeah. I would be going through with the divorce if I were your wife. You didn't even refer to her as a person, but as a thing. Yeah.

[Damian]

You've lost words.

[Shane]

That's one of those where I'm just.

[Ian Hecox]

Like, yeah, I don't know how you talk to someone like this. I'm like, we're so. It's not the same language. I don't know how to explain to you that you calling your wife that is not a good idea at a wedding.

[Shane]

It's one of those moments, like, if you watch that in the office, you'd be cringing watching it.

[Damian]

If it was fictional, Michael Scott would probably say that.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's a Michael Scott moment. But, like, look, I hope it's fake, too, but I also know this shit happens.

[Damian]

Yeah, I can totally believe that just because of the other two.

[Shane]

I really can, too. Also, wedding receptions are dumpster fires, but not a dumpster.

[Damian]

We all know one film wouldn't catch on fire.

[Shane]

We don't know. We need to ask Hank Green.

[Ian Hecox]

Hank will be like, well, the human body has a lot of salt, Hank.

[Shane]

Green, but it's sodium chloride. Here's the thing.

[Ian Hecox]

Sodium on its own is very reactive.

[Shane]

Yeah. Okay.

[Ian Hecox]

We love you, Hank.

[Shane]

Yeah, man.

[Damian]

Okay.

[Shane]

Anything else?

[Damian]

That was it. That's not the last one.

[Shane]

No, that's not the last story. That's the end of that story.

[Damian]

Anything else uncommon?

[Shane]

Any other thoughts? Thoughts on that?

[Damian]

Yeah, I think, like, I think you should. Like, you know how we have, like, a driver's ed, or you need, like, a learner's permit. You need a permit to drive?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Damian]

I think we should probably need permits for making jokes.

[Shane]

Right?

[Damian]

Cause I think some people, they just completely misread the situation. They're telling jokes that are just, like, things that are just, like, mean or offensive, and they're like, whoa, why can't you just take a joke?

[Shane]

Okay, Because. Because this is actually one of the realms where I think we have a little bit of expertise. Right. Cause there's so many realms where I'm like, I'm not an expert in this. But when it comes to roasting people, I've said this before and I think we did a really good job with a lot of our funerals. With this is when you're roasting someone or when you're saying a joke, right. At a wedding reception and you're like, I want to infuse some humor in it. I think your intention should be the person who is the target of your joke. That they are going to love it and that they're gonna laugh. But more importantly, that it's gonna make them feel good.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Sure.

[Shane]

Right. Like especially a wedding reception. Like the joke should be a joke as actually the second part of it. The ultimate thing should be that it's a compliment.

[Damian]

Especially your wife.

[Shane]

Especially your wife. It should be some funny way of saying how amazing they are. But that's not what you were doing.

[Ian Hecox]

Also, they did say that like, oh, I wanted to jump in for a couple words after everyone else gave their speeches. So not only is he like putting down his wife in this crazy way, but he is also centering himself in attention. Like he did not need more attention. And then he's just like, you know what? This needs a joke from me in awesome jokes that everyone is laughing at with me, at her. And then I win.

[Shane]

It's so funny. The last thing I'll say is it's one of those moments in life that it's a tense moment. It's probably nerve wracking and makes people want to say something and that'll get a laugh, that'll get a response. It's like. But it's also one of those easy slam dunk moments.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Cause like I had a moment like that in one of our celebrations of our wedding where I was like, it was like my whole family there and I was like, I don't have to say I love you all. I'm like, that's it. I'm like, oh, and we got it and we're done. Like that's all we need. I don't need to say a joke. And it's like, that's all you gotta do, man. But you turned it into a dumpster fire.

[Ian Hecox]

But not that kind of dumpster fire.

[Shane]

But not that kind of dump.

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[Shane]

SpinQuest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. Dumpster not that kind of dumpster, but not that kind of Am I the asshole for not knowing all seven episodes of We're All Gonna Die are now available to stream in my own home. And they even extended the VOD's availability until January 31, 2026. Yes, OP you are. I don't even need to read the rest of this. I don't even care. Now watch this sick trailer our editor put together. We're gonna start pulling some blocks. Let's see what you got. Sucks out his soul. Go to live.smosh.com live. Smosh.com live. Smosh.com live. Smosh dot com live. Smosh.com live dot smosh.com back to the show. Our final Ooh. Okay. This came from earlier this year, 2025 March. My ex constantly locked me out of the bathroom so I took matters into my own hands. Okay, this comes from petty revenge. Ooh.

[Ian Hecox]

Ooh.

[Shane]

I was with my ex for a while. It was an unhappy relationship. I had bladder control issues and ibs. Whenever I needed to go to the bathroom, they would run in first and take their sweet time just to irritate me and make me suffer.

[Damian]

That's weird.

[Shane]

Oh God. I went on For a long time. And one day I just about had it. We had two cats and two litter boxes. One day he went running to the bathroom and was just playing on his phone and plucking his face hair and refused to let me go. So I decided I would just go poop in the cat's litter box. Not only was it a big poop, but I also peed a little. The cats literally wouldn't use that litter box after. And then my ex came and was investigating it and saw. And he goes, wow, they pooped a lot. No wonder they want their box cleaned. And I just sat there and watched him clean up my shit and piss. That was near the end of our relationship and he never found out. Edit. My ex and I were together for four years and he was a gamer and pothead. When he would run to the bathroom, he would take his phone or Nintendo Switch in with him. Oh, so he was just like a fucking sadist. Like, just loves.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, that's actually super abusive.

[Damian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

What the fuck?

[Damian]

Yeah, I don't understand, like, why he was torturing her. Yeah, it's just like a controller.

[Shane]

Oh, you gotta use the bathroom. I'm gonna hop in there and just not use the bathroom.

[Ian Hecox]

Ha ha. I will say bringing in a Nintendo Switch or a phone with a game on it to the toilet is great. But you gotta be careful about things like hernias, hemorrhoids, stuff like that. You can't sit too long and you want to. Cause you're playing the switch and your pants can be off. And it doesn't just let everything go. Cause you're in the bathroom.

[Shane]

Especially If I'm playing Hades 2 and it gets really intense.

[Ian Hecox]

Dude, I hear you.

[Shane]

Yeah, this is horrendous. I think I've heard about this type of stuff with boyfriends in particular. Of like, oh, I'm like teasing my girlfriend. It's like, nah, this is abuse. Yeah, you've teetered into another realm here. Like, oh, playing this funny joke on my girlfriends. Like, nah, you're being really horrible.

[Ian Hecox]

What's the joke?

[Shane]

Yeah, what's the bit here?

[Ian Hecox]

Her bladder explodes like Tycho Brahe.

[Damian]

Oh, nice. I love a good taiko brahe.

[Ian Hecox]

Hey, thanks, man. Appreciate you.

[Shane]

The only thing I wanna see here is the cat's expression. Cause, you know, they were watching. The cats were like.

[Ian Hecox]

From then on, do you see them, like, stand up, put their hands on the wall and then let go? They're like, this is how you do it now.

[Shane]

That's how I do it. I know it cuts do that. Holy crap. Someone said. Somewhere those cats are still telling the tale of the day the giant marked our territory. Probably why they won't use that box anymore. You asserted dominance in the most primal way possible, someone said. I worked at a place where one of the co workers nicknames was Cat Box. Bob. Bob and his wife got a new kitten. And Bob thought it would be hilarious to take a huge dump in the cat box. His thought was that his wife would be worried, confused if the kitten had a poop the size of itself.

[Damian]

That's awesome.

[Shane]

At some point, I guess, Bob would laugh and confess what really went down. Literally. So Bob takes off his drawers.

[Damian]

Litter. Really?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Dude. Nice, Takaraji.

[Shane]

So Bob takes off his drawers, gets into position, hovering over the litter box, and starts to materialize his plan. His wife happened to open up the door where Bob was mid poop and freaked out. The joke was on him when he got caught. Good.

[Damian]

That's awesome. Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Also like, getting caught versus, like, hey, remember a week ago, Nice shit in the litter box. That's not a better own.

[Shane]

Did you notice?

[Ian Hecox]

Don't do that.

[Shane]

Someone said you couldn't make it to his car.

[Ian Hecox]

Nice. Nice.

[Shane]

Someone said, what is it with abusers and the toilet? My ex dad did that to me as a kid a lot. Talking to others in this group, et cetera. It seems to be really common with bad dads and bad husbands. Weird. Someone said, this is a little more than petty revenge, but well played nonetheless. Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Wow. Whoa. That's wild. I guess that's. Other people are like, have experienced that.

[Damian]

What do you think is, like, where do you draw the line at, like, at like silly, cruel things you do to a partner. Like, would you fart on a partner?

[Shane]

No.

[Damian]

Okay.

[Ian Hecox]

I think it's like.

[Damian]

Like, you wouldn't just be like, Hopper. Like, you've never done that.

[Shane]

Like you never. Once again, if it makes them laugh.

[Ian Hecox]

That'S what it is.

[Shane]

And you know that it makes them laugh, then it's fine. If two people. It's kind of a Schrodinger's box situation, right? Where it's.

[Ian Hecox]

If there's two people, don't poop anymore.

[Shane]

Schrodinger's fart. And there's two people, they're just the two of them. And one person does something to the other person that just makes them upset. It's not a joke. It's just. You're just making that person upset.

[Ian Hecox]

Farting can be really funny, but you have to be on the same page about it. And it is like A rope. Is it going to make them laugh? Is it gonna make you both laugh? Great. And I think, Ian, when you fart on somebody and they laugh with you, I think you found someone very special.

[Damian]

You know what, Damien? You're right. And I hope I find that a.

[Ian Hecox]

Gross little gobble because none of them.

[Damian]

Had liked it so far.

[Shane]

Keep scaring them away, but.

[Damian]

Yeah, that's really. Yeah.

[Ian Hecox]

Can I pitch a different vibe for that? Okay, don't like, fart on them. Make it like a big moment. Like, if I can stand up here, like, literally, like, walk away and be like, oh, yeah, I forgot to say hey. And then just like, walk away. Like, do something weird. It's a good little twist and no one has to be mad.

[Damian]

Thank you for that advice.

[Shane]

I think you need to work your way up to what you want to do. Okay, well, you need to start with that.

[Ian Hecox]

You got to stretch first.

[Shane]

Okay?

[Ian Hecox]

Your ass will fall clean off if you don't.

[Shane]

Okay. Yeah. But. Yeah, you got it.

[Damian]

Okay.

[Shane]

Okay. Okay. Well, guys, this is where we're leaving it.

[Damian]

This is the cap of the video. I talk about farting on people that I've dated.

[Shane]

All right.

[Damian]

I don't fart on.

[Shane]

What else would you like to talk about?

[Damian]

I just wanna be clear. I have not farted on all of the people that I've dated.

[Shane]

I just.

[Damian]

I wanna make that clear. Not every single person that I've dated, I've farted. Now I'm just. Oh, no.

[Ian Hecox]

Oh, no.

[Damian]

Oh, no, no. See, like, this is all a joke, guys. I have never farted. I've never farted on any of my partners before. Oh, no.

[Shane]

And no, that doesn't sound.

[Damian]

No, that doesn't sound very believable, does it? Oh, no.

[Shane]

Oh, God.

[Damian]

I've never done it.

[Shane]

Okay?

[Damian]

I've never.

[Shane]

Ian, it's never happened. Okay? We trust you. It's never happened. We trust you. It's okay.

[Ian Hecox]

You know what's another fun one? Farting really loud, but then looking at the person, scared immediately.

[Damian]

You heard that too?

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, yeah. It's a good one.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Ian Hecox]

Yeah, but only if they also want that.

[Damian]

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Hey, everyone go home and fart on your partner.

[Ian Hecox]

Do you like.

[Shane]

You don't have to do that.

[Ian Hecox]

Pokemon sweater. Don't do that.

[Damian]

Not in their face. Cause that'll give them pink eye.

[Shane]

Speaking of farts. Gastly, gastly. Hey.

[Ian Hecox]

And then there's Phantump on the back, which is sort of like a two part fart that you sound like.

[Damian]

All right, I can't believe this is how we're ending it.

[Shane]

We have no choice.

[Damian]

I got your erotic novel. Every comment.

[Ian Hecox]

Erotic novel.

[Shane]

Oh, that's your erotic novel. The guy who farts on people. Oh, the fart that comes.

[Ian Hecox]

Together by Ian E. Goggins.

[Damian]

All right, all right. I think there's. Yeah, okay. I think there's some legs to that story.

[Shane]

These have been some X's. They have really been some X's.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Thank you both for joining me and thank you for watching. Let us know down below. I don't know. Comment, whatever you want.

[Ian Hecox]

What's your erotic novel?

[Shane]

Yeah, what kind of erotic novel should Ian write? Yeah, let us know in the comments. I like that. What type of things should be involved in Ian's novel that he'll get started on very soon. And also let us know what other subreddits and themes you'd like to see on the show. And we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye.

[Ad Voice]

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[Shane]

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