Take It From Us | Reading Reddit Stories

Summary

Smosh Reads Reddit Stories

Episode: Take It From Us | Reading Reddit Stories

Date: June 13, 2026
Theme: Advice (Advice Subreddits)

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Episode Overview

In this episode, host Shayne Topp is joined by fellow Smosh members Ian and Damian for an advice-themed dive through some of Reddit’s most curious and wild "advice" posts. The group reacts to questions that range from awkward podcast etiquette and inheriting money, to the classic “how many kindergartners could you defeat in a fight?” meme. Their banter is a mix of sincere advice, comedic riffing, and personal anecdotes, making for an episode that’s as unexpectedly wholesome as it is hilarious.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Podcast Etiquette: When One Host Monopolizes the Mic

(Starts 03:06)

• Reddit Story: A podcaster asks for help because their co-host spent nearly an hour detailing the entire Dragon Ball timeline without stopping.
• Discussion:
  • The Smosh crew jokes about deep-dive rants—comparing it to Spencer’s legendary Resident Evil explainers on Smosh Games.
  • Damian suggests:

    “If they are friends and they really want to make this work, think about why you want this friend with you...appeal to that and be like, dude, you’re so good at banter...but we don’t really get to have those moments.” (05:50)

  • Ian goes practical:

    “It needs to be a conversation. If people want to yap...YouTube or TikTok is the place for that. Podcasts are conversations.” (06:24)

  • They advise better structure and clear roles for all participants. Genuine friendships need honest feedback.

Memorable Moment:

• Shayne dryly notes:

  “He just laughs and says it’s content. We’re trapped and cannot say anything.” (04:10)

• Update from Redditor: He used a "presidential debate countdown" to switch speakers, fixed the friendship, but (joked Shayne) probably not the podcast. (10:00)

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2. Inheriting from a Coworker: Navigating Grief, Guilt & Workplace Perception

(Starts 13:13)

• Reddit Story: A young man inherits a large sum and assets from a much older close friend (a former subordinate) and is wracked with guilt and fear over workplace rumors.
• Discussion:
  • Ian and Damian stress that privacy is important; not everyone needs to know the full truth.
  • Damian:

    “Keeping a secret like that eats you up inside...but I don’t think people need all the information. You can just say ‘a close friend passed away and left me this.’” (15:50)

  • Shayne compares it to lottery winners who face sudden life changes and secrecy burdens.
  • The group notes the difference between ethical behavior and public perception in the workplace:

    “You can do the absolute right thing but be perceived in a completely different way and you cannot control that, and that sucks.” (23:37)

  • Damian closes with empathy:

    “People will always talk. Don’t spend time on others’ opinions.” (27:53)

  • They agree: consult a financial pro, move quietly, and recognize you did nothing wrong.

Notable Quotes:

• “Sell the car, keep the secret.” – Reddit comment, repeated by Shayne (26:46)
• “What a blessing…that’s the dream for so many people. But if somebody finds out at work, there’s going to be so much unnecessary animosity.” – Ian (22:58)

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3. Kindergarten Kombat: The Ridiculous Meme Question

(Starts 29:33)

• Reddit Story: How many kindergartners could you take in a fight, 5 at a time, if they’re intent on defeating you in waves?
• Discussion:
  • The group immediately lampoons the absurdity, discussing tactics, physics (how much a kid weighs), cardio, and moral boundaries.
  • Damian:

    “I think the only way you’re gonna survive more than one round is to play on their fear...because I’m gonna get tuckered out real fast.” (37:02)

  • Realistic answers trend low (“Three minutes, 25–30 max if you’re lucky!”). Most overestimate due to underestimating kid strength and energy expenditure.
  • Shayne underlines:

    “Box for 60 seconds, you’re dying on the mat.” (40:22)

  • They conclude it’s a wild hypothetical best left in memes.

Notable Quotes:

• “If five can grapple you all at once, you’re just kinda...I mean, a kindergartner is pretty heavy.” – Ian (33:32)
• “The kids are coming for you and they’re going to rip your face off.” – Damian (40:50)
• “I don’t like that we had to think about that.” – Damian (41:57)

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4. Bee Sting Boner: A Medical Emergency in a Foreign Country

(Starts 46:40)

• Reddit Story: A man gets a bee sting near his pelvis, then has a persistent, painful erection (priapism) for over a day.
• Discussion:
  • The group cycles through disbelief, medical knowledge, and plenty of (predictably) phallic jokes.
  • Damian:

    “After four hours [the blood] is not circulating...it’s starting to rot.” (47:35)

  • Strong advice: SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION.
  • OP updated after 18 hours it resolved, prompting immediate concern for long-term consequences.
• The group derails into “benis” wordplay and retells a wild ER story Shayne saw on TV.

Notable Quotes:

• “If you let it sit there too long, it forms its own consciousness and a face...’ello there!” – Shayne (49:20)
• “Bee penis update: I already got a DM asking what type of bee and where exactly was the sting to replicate it. I’m not going to tell you, buddy.” – OP (51:00)

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5. The Pigeon That Came Back to Life (And Flew in the House!)

(Starts 48:44, continues after ad break to end)

• Reddit Story: User saves an injured pigeon; once it’s able to fly it zooms around their home, leaving them unsure what to do.
• Discussion:
  • Advice: Open the doors/windows, let it go, check wildlife rehabbers if needed.
  • Jokes about the “pigeon now needs a message and destination” (carrier pigeon reference).
  • Real empathy after learning poster has muscular dystrophy and limited mobility—suggesting asking friends for help.
  • Practical: “Birds often have mites—be careful bringing them in!” (C, 57:04)
  • Commends OP for good intentions and highlights the value of clear communication when asking for advice.

Notable Quotes:

• “You have a pigeon now, give it a message and a destination.” – Shayne (52:13)
• “It’s truly sound advice—be smart about bringing a wild animal into your home, no matter what.” – Shayne (58:24)

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Bonus/Fun Segments

Power Scaling Predicament (43:13)

• Who is the best fictional “positive influence” to reform an evil dictator?
  • Ted Lasso, Paddington, Spongebob, Mr. Rogers (if fictional), plus wildcards like Light Yagami (for coercion, not inspiration).
  • Prompt for listeners to “comment down below.”
• Quote: “Who would you send that could actually sway an evil, evil emperor or king?” – Shayne (43:10)

Meta Gags & Running Jokes

• “Sell the car, keep the secret.” Becomes a mock self-help book title.
• Banter about Honda Civics outlasting their drivers and callback to Smosh Games running jokes.
• Playful debates about how much a kindergartner weighs (everyone lands on ~50 lbs).

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Notable Quotes (By Timestamp)

| Quote | Speaker | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|--------------|------------| | “I think, like, keeping a secret like that eats you up inside over time…” | Damian | 15:50 | | “Sell the car, keep the secret.” | Various | 26:46 | | “You can do the absolute right thing but be perceived in a completely different way...” | Shayne | 23:37 | | “If five can grapple you all at once, you’re just kind of like… I mean, a kindergartner’s pretty heavy.” | Ian | 33:32 | | “Box for 60 seconds, you’re dying on the mat.” | Shayne | 40:22 | | “If you let it sit there too long, it forms its own consciousness and a face—‘ello there!” | Shayne | 49:20 | | “You have a pigeon now. The only way it will leave is if you give it a message and a destination.” | Shayne | 52:13 |

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Important Timestamps

• [03:06] – Dragon Ball podcast etiquette debacle
• [13:13] – Inheritance and workplace perception
• [29:33] – Kindergarten fight hypothetical
• [46:40] – Bee sting boner medical advice
• [48:44] – Injured pigeon flies in house
• [43:10] – “Power scaling” positive influence discussion

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Summary Flow

• Starts with light jokes about advice credentials; friends rib each other, but also express genuine appreciation.
• Moves through each Reddit post topic with a balance of earnest suggestions, lampooning, and wisdom (e.g., transparency is good, but some things are unwise to share).
• Regularly pulls in outside references—Smosh Games, personal stories, broader Reddit trends.
• Listeners are encouraged to participate (power scaling question, kindergarten weights).
• Ends on the recurring motif: “You can take or leave our advice. It’s up to you.”

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Final Takeaways

• On advice: Some dilemmas need honesty; some require tact and omission. All require empathy.
• On internet culture: Even ridiculous Reddit hypotheticals can turn into thoughtful or hilarious commentary.
• On life changes (like inheritance): The show emphasizes privacy, self-reflection, and seeking professional help as needed.
• On bringing wild animals indoors: Just don’t, but if you do, have a plan for release and know your resources.
• On friendship: Sometimes your friends’ rants are content, sometimes they’re a trap!

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For Listeners:
If you love advice with a side of chaos and genuine heart, this Smosh episode delivers. Whether dealing with bonkers scenarios or heartfelt dilemmas, the Smosh crew keeps things kind, candid, and very, very funny.

Prompted Questions for Comments:

• Who is the best fictional character to make an evil dictator turn good?
• How much do you think a kindergartner weighs?

Next Episode Tease:
Catch the next batch of wild Reddit stories next Saturday!

Transcript

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[A]

Hi, welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane and today's theme is advice. That's right. And I'm joined by two people who you should definitely take advice from. Ian and Damian.

[B]

Thanks, Shane.

[C]

Yeah, I don't think I've ever led anyone astray with my advice ever. Yeah, I think I've always given very fair, level headed and serious advice.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And that's why I was brought on for this episode. Every bit of advice, I'm gonna say completely in earnest.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And I 100% back.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Take whatever stance you don't. And then we'll get a fair and sort of balanced system.

[C]

That's probably a good idea, Damian.

[B]

You know what, I do, actually, as a friend, I do really like your advice that you give. Because even if I, you know, sometimes it's like dead on sometimes I don't agree with it 100%, but it's always coming from like a really good and well thought out place. So no matter what, it's always like, oh, okay, I hadn't thought about it like that. And it helps me get to what, where I need to be.

[C]

So.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. He hit you with that genuine shit right off the top.

[C]

Yeah, I was waiting for the.

[A]

How does that feel?

[C]

I was waiting for the joke. The uppercut.

[B]

There's no uppercut today. That'll be later.

[A]

He's letting that sit back.

[C]

Thank you, Damian.

[B]

No worries. Appreciate you. Look, I was a camp counselor for a very brief period of time and no one ever really came to me for advice. But I'd like to think if they did. I'd be able to offer them some wisdom that sticks with them to this day.

[A]

Today we're going to be covering some subreddits we really haven't touched on much. There's a bunch of advice. Subreddits. Nice. So we're going to be hearing a lot of people's situations. A lot of them are asking for advice. A lot of the advice is given in the comments that might be very illuminating for all of us, but I think there's a lot of fun conversation topics that are going to come about from all of these things.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

Great. All right, load it up. All right, here we go. Here we go.

[B]

This is always going to be like, have you tried shooting it?

[A]

Kill it.

[B]

Kill it with a gun. Here we go.

[A]

Our first post. This was posted back in February of 2020. They said we're doing a podcast with a friend and he's telling the entire Dragon Ball timeline. We've been here for 50 minutes and it doesn't stop. How can we politely tell him that? He's been talking for way too long.

[C]

Wait, so he's like literally typing as the guy?

[A]

It's a very short post. Yeah, so he's typing this. He typed this out while they're doing the podcast.

[B]

The other guy's in the zone, not even paying attention to the fact that they're on the pH.

[A]

Just locked in on Dragon Ball.

[C]

15 minutes. Doesn't sound like that long.

[A]

Well, he's probably not finished with Dragon Ball yet, right? He hasn't gotten to Dragon Ball Z. Oh, yeah.

[B]

And then there's gt, which is like a different timeline.

[A]

And then it's super, right?

[B]

Dragon Ball. Super. There's all the movies. There's like the Broly movie.

[A]

Well, I hope he covers that.

[B]

Yeah, he's gotta do that.

[A]

He's gotta cover that.

[B]

And if he wants to really get into it, he's gotta do Dr. Slump, which is what Akira Toriyama made before Dragon Ball.

[A]

I've never heard of this.

[B]

Yeah, it's about a little robot girl named Ariel, and there's a lot of poop. Hum. It's more like childish.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

See, it sounds like you could use 50 minutes of this.

[A]

It sounds like I need that.

[C]

Dang.

[A]

Okay, so they write when we tell him that he is taking up all the conversation, he just laughs and says it's content. We're kind of trapped here and cannot say anything. How do we break it to him? This is no joke. This is serious mods. If this is too trivial for this sub, just Delete this post. I'll understand. No problem. Okay, so they're in a real sticky situation where they're filming a podcast. They're trying to get him to stop, but he continues going, we don't know what podcast this is. Cause if it's an anime podcast, I'm like, hey, man, par for the course.

[B]

In the comments, they find Joe Rogan talking about dragon ball for 50 minutes. He's like, so this Goku, Jamie, pull

[A]

up Dragon Ball Z.

[B]

What? I can't imagine they have a central theme to their podcast and or have done this very long, because if this is a regular thing, it's a problem. Or if it's a one time thing. This feels like the first episode. Like, let's sit down and do a podcast finally. This might be an incompatibility thing.

[C]

This might be the first and last podcast of this podcast.

[A]

Yeah, this might be toug.

[B]

I was gonna say, there's so much opportunity on TikTok for one person to talk to you about a niche interest for 50 minutes. That guy will be by himself and do just fine.

[A]

Yeah. To be clear, this is borderline an episode of Smosh Games where Spencer just explains the Resident Evil timeline, which was

[B]

great, by the way. I'm never gonna play number six. And so I got to watch people watch that.

[C]

I watched that whole damn thing.

[A]

People watch that shit.

[C]

And I hate Smosh Games and I hate Spencer. Yeah, yeah, no, that's. I mean, like it doesn't matter. Like just like it doesn't fucking matter, man. Just delete the podcast after. Just like sit there, go on your phone.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Delete the podcast.

[B]

I think the real advice I can give. Cause before I was just like, what are they doing? Real advice. Like, if they are friends and they really want to make this work, think about why you want this friend with you and just, you know, appeal to that and be like, dude, Jake, I don't know, you're so good at like being, you know, making these insightful comments or like, you're so funny when you banter back and forth like this. And like, obviously you got a lot of Dragon Ball knowledge, but like, we don't really get to have those moments. And if we want this podcast to be a cool thing, I think what we have going for us is your relationship with this or your insight on this.

[C]

You know, it needs to be a conversation. Yeah, like, and heard.

[A]

That's what podcasts are.

[C]

If people want to, like, if people want to yap. I mean, I think that's. That's a Good point of like TikTok or have your own, like, YouTube channel. Like, people love to watch people yap about one specific interest for like four hours. Like, I know I do. So I feel like that's more of the medium for that. Like, if you want to talk about the entire timeline of Dragon Ball Z, I'm kind of seated for that.

[A]

Oh yeah, this guy's actually missing out. Yeah, he needs to make his own YouTube channel. Just do this. The entire Dragon Ball timeline explained. Yeah, I know there's probably already a million of those videos out there, but it sounds like he's ready to do this himself.

[B]

Yeah, there are.

[A]

Yeah, there's probably other people who've done it better, but he could do his own for fun. Yeah, for shits and gigs.

[B]

Find your niche.

[C]

Yeah, I think he's misunderstanding the point of a podcast.

[A]

Yeah, no, he's being very. He's being shitty to his co hosts.

[B]

Like you'd said before, that's the bigger issue of someone being like, hey man, we want to have a conversation. Being like, no, this is content.

[C]

Like, no, you're like, well, yes, yes, it is content. Whether it's good or bad is the question.

[A]

Comments. So people responded to this guy and they said, let's be honest, the Dragon Ball timeline is pretty interesting. Op said, it sure is, but the other guys don't care about anime or anything about that. After all, it was interesting for a good 20 minutes, but then after an hour we got really tired. Damn. So it's not even an anime podcast. It's not even about that. Someone said, have the great idea of making it a live podcast. Tell him, hold up, got a great idea. Let's do this live and tell him you're signing into YouTube. It's something. And just prop your phone up. If he doesn't stop, then tell him he's got it and walk away to grab a snack or something. Let him talk to your phone. Or just tell him, dude, stop that. This isn't the point of the podcast. Someone said, turn off the equipment. We asked you to please stop. This isn't the content we're interested in producing. And lastly, someone left a long comment saying it sounds like he is trying to fill time. Perhaps because your podcast is open ended discussion with no guidelines, Try telling him that from the audience's perspective, they will expect to hear content from all podcasters. If you find it awkward, the listeners will too. Perhaps also work out an agenda before for your podcast to break up roles and responsibilities for the content, decide which topics are discussions, multiple People versus rants. One person talking versus interview style. Structured ask and reply. I hear some podcasters even announce their agenda at the beginning of the podcast. Maybe have designed roles for facilitator, timekeeper, snarky comment guy, and deadpan response guy. Don't just sit down and start talking. If there are guidelines and he is not following them, then say, dude, I am delighted you have passion for the topic. We do too. Let's follow our agenda so we can showcase all the stuff we plan to cover. Maybe some of your content can help fill in our next one. Where do you want to cut off for today?

[C]

I think that's a good point of, like, having an actual plan.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

Cause if it is a completely unstructured podcast, then, like, you are kind of asking for a situation like this. You know, if you didn't set those guidelines.

[A]

Especially when you ask this friend to be on the pod. I mean, I wonder if this is not par for the course for this friend. It's like, oh, well, I invited my buddy who goes on rants about anime for hours on end. Yeah, like, oh, well, he did the thing.

[B]

A completely quiet finance guy. And the moment he's got a microphone, he's just like, so Goku. Oh, he's this little boy with a monkey tail.

[A]

Check this out. Update. Oh, everything's fine now. I did the presidential debate thingy after one hour, counting down from three and saying it's someone else's time to talk for an hour now.

[B]

God. Fuck. They fixed the friendship, but that probably didn't fix the podcast.

[A]

No, not at all.

[B]

Well, I gotta say, Smosh games, which I know you hate, and that's okay.

[C]

Big hater. The biggest hater.

[B]

The biggest hater. They really killed it with the Spencer explains stuff. Because, like, there is no better gift than, like, getting to go on a rant about something you love to somebody who's like, tell me more about Pokemon. I don't know anything. And you're like, like, it's just. It's the best feeling. And for him to, like, set it up in a way that Angela and Amanda were there and they made it content and people got to enjoy and learn through him and all that stuff. Like, I know we're talking in the Future. This was 2020. But if these folks are here now, explain DBZ to your friends for an hour and make it a video. Yeah, and it's a delight.

[A]

The market's ripe for it.

[B]

We primed it for you.

[C]

But you need to make sure that your friends actually want to hear you rant about this where these people clearly did not know what they were getting themselves into.

[B]

No, I mean if it's a planned Dragon Ball Z rant, maybe that's fun. But if it happened by surprise, I love anime. If you were just like surprised I'm gonna talk to you for an hour about anything. I'd have a panic attack.

[A]

Ye.

[B]

I feel like I can go if I need to, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Our next story does involve some death and grief. Just letting you know before we get into it. Our next post posted in Advice In August of 2025 I feel dirty for being included in a coworker's will hey everyone, it's Olivia Culpo and I can't wait to tell you all about Abercrombie's new summer collection. All their new dresses in colorful swim feel perfect for a Euro summer. And Abercrombie has easy an new 100% linen collection. It's the perfect mix of looking put together and elevated with the lightness and comfort of linen. Shop Abercrombie this summer in the app, online and in stores. I feel like I'm getting robbed when I bet the finals on a sportsbook. Dude, delete that app. You need to be using polymarket. Polymarket. Polymarket is a prediction market, not a sports.

[C]

You trade against other fans, not the house.

[A]

That means more money for you and less for greedy sportsbooks. Even during the finals?

[C]

Especially during the finals. You can even trade on whether Trump

[A]

or Chalamet will attend the games. No way. What's the catch? No catch and it's available in all 50 states. Polymarket is so confident you'll never go back, they're giving you $50 free on your first trade.

[B]

I'm deleting my Sportsbook app. How do I get started? Download Polymarket now and use Promo code buzz for $50 free for your first trade.

[A]

Stop letting Sportsbook steal from you. Download Polymarket and use Promo code buzz for $50 free on your first trade. Use promo Code Buzz Trading not available in all jurisdictions. Check local regulations before trading restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. I'm a 27 year old man and work in lower management at my job. I've always been an old soul and have made friends easier with older folks. One turned lifelong friends as a 67 year old woman formerly a retired police detective of 30 years who began working for the company about two years ago. She has no family, children, siblings, nothing. We always got along very well and had more in common than with the younger people at the job. I eventually became friends with this coworker outside of work and introduced her to my mom who's the same age as she is, and they also became very close. Fast forward to this year and my friend was diagnosed with stage four kidney cancer, inoperable. She tried to stay at work but ultimately decided to retire and quickly degraded health wise over the next couple of months. She passed away this week and I found out that she left me her fairly new SUV along with an investment that I'm yet to learn. The sum of my mother was also included in the will and was left $350,000 with the instruction to buy a home and move in with me so I can take care of her as she ages and have a home to raise a family in or sell in the future. In total, that's almost half a million dollars being left to us. She was also very close with another of my co workers, a woman, and left her the deed to her $400,000 home. I only know this because I was around while the will was being discussed. Whether she tells anyone is her decision, but I'm airing it out anonymously here. I feel all kinds of emotions. Obviously sadness because I just lost a close friend to a horrible disease, joy because my life is being changed for the better in an instant. And also the point of this post? Guilt. I know that most of my other co workers were unaware of our friendship outside the workplace, and I feel like it may be seen as highly inappropriate. Rumors will swirl by others if a 27 year old man in a position of power at work inherits a hefty sum from a female co worker who is much older and worked as my immediate subordinate. I know that the obvious choice is not to tell anyone, but I don't know how to keep it a secret. When I show up in a new vehicle that was previously hers, and when I inevitably have my other co worker friends over to my new home, they know that I've always lived paycheck to paycheck and suddenly buying a home will certainly spark conversation. My best friend is also a co worker in a different department and while I love the guy, I know if I tell him about the money, he's gonna slip to the rest of the workplace eventually. I guess my question is should I keep the inheritance a secret, lying to my friends to hide the situation, or should I just stay quiet and tell people the truth if they end up asking me about it? My mother has already told me to keep it a complete secret, even to other family, but I don't know if it's necessarily healthy to Live like that, hiding things from friends and family simply because it's an unusual circumstance. What would you guys do in my situation? I do not want to come off as bragging if I do tell people. And I'm afraid how workplace jealousy could affect the way my employees treat me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I think I figured it out.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Because I think, like, keeping a secret like, that eats you up inside over time. And, like, I would never want to keep something like that from people and, like, keep having to lie to people. But I don't think people need all the information. I think you could say I had a very close friend pass away, and they willed this to me. And, you know, it's not like, everyone's gonna, like, ask you about this new house right away. So there is, like, plausible deniability that it is this friend specifically. But if people are like, wow, this is a great house. How did you get this place? You're like, well, I had a very close friend that passed away. They willed it to me. That's all they need to know. They're not gonna go. Who? You know? Like, I think people won't. And I think regarding the car, like, unfortunately, I think just sell it. Sell it. Get a different car. That way you don't have that connection. Cause that was the first thing I thought of is like, oh, there's no way they're gonna know. But it's like you're driving up in your former coworker's car. That's a bit of a red flag. So I would say, yeah, sell the car, Keep the place. Just say it was a very close friend.

[A]

If we're going on this route of, like, tell a half truth or keep some of it secret. She was also the mom's close friend. Right. So you could say, oh, a close friend of my mom's passed away and, like, my mom inherited all of this.

[C]

Family friend.

[A]

Yeah. Like, it's one of those things where, like, nobody is entitled to know this stuff. Right. Like, technically. But it's also really uncomfortable. This reminds me of a lot of the stories I hear about when people win the lottery.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And how that is an actual fucking nightmare. Oh, yeah. Like, it is terrifying shit. So, like, coming about a large inheritance of money in any way or form, this is the type of advice I do here of just, like, yeah, however you can. To keep it secret. Do I like that in my head? No. Like, I am someone who doesn't like to keep secrets at all. I would feel really weird about it. But I also understand what they're saying is like, oh, I'm worried that everybody at my work is gonna treat me differently.

[C]

It's like, yeah.

[A]

And I don't know this guy. I don't know his workplace, but I'm

[B]

just like, I'm curious of how closely people interact and work with one another. Because if this person who passed away, they're like, oh, that's her suv. It's like, well, how unique is the suv? Show up in a GMC Yukon or whatever, people are gonna be like, that's hers. Right on top of that, I know for me. So I'm maybe projecting here. Guilt comes up a lot when and if you boil it down, I don't have control over something, or there's another emotion that's very difficult to process. Guilt for me means like, oh, if I'm guilty about this, then I'm actually. There's something I could have done. Then I'm actually in control about this. Then it's my choice that this happened. You know, they didn't befriend this person to inherit something from them. They just had an older friend who passed away. And, you know, if they wanted to send their money elsewhere or give it to a relative or something like that, they would have done it. The fact that this person, a younger person, gave this older person the time of day and also became a true friend of them probably meant a lot. And they're like, this is the best thing I can do. Like, they were also clearly of sound mind when they were like, I'm dealing with stage four cancer. This could be it. If I go, what do I want to leave behind? And to whom.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So taking the guilt outside of it and just looking at it as it is, people don't need to know your situation. Not everybody in that place is gonna go to your home. Not everyone's gonna be like, looking at your SUV with an eagle eye and being like, I know what this is and it doesn't have to, I don't know, separate thought. It almost feels like survivor's guilt sometimes. Not just in the way of losing a friend, but when people do live paycheck to paycheck in the way things are set up now. And people are like, I don't have money for whatever. And now you suddenly have all of this money.

[C]

Yeah. A life changing sum of money.

[A]

Right. It's.

[C]

Yeah, I definitely understand, like, the feeling of guilt, of like, did I deserve this?

[A]

On the. On the emotional side of things, I think we're talking about the practical stuff. On the emotional side, it's like, hey, this was her decision. You don't have, like, I know you feel guilt, right? And you can only do so much. You can't just, like, I'm done feeling guilty. Like, you know, but it's like. But what you're saying, I feel like, is like, you can acknowledge in some part of your brain of like, and that's not warranted. Like, this person made a choice with their free will and their mind to give you this money because of the part you played in their life. And they wanted that, like, that meant something to them to give you this. That probably made them feel some joy at the end to know that they were doing this for someone who was so kind to them and they were close to.

[C]

Yeah, I don't know. If I was in that position, it would give me some peace knowing that leaving people that I cared for something that could change their lives for better.

[B]

I'm also curious about. They brought up, like, oh, it's. I don't know if it's appropriate because they were my direct subordinate. I feel a little bit less strongly about the power dynamic difference there simply because this person clearly had so much in savings or things to pass on. I don't know what the job was, but if someone's 67 and has, at the very least, it sounds like half a million dollars to pass on to somebody. It's not like, I guess it could, but it's not like the boss is like, you better work well and leave things to me because I don't know.

[A]

And they retired. They had to retire early, but I think the subordinate thing only. And maybe I'm off on here, and if I am, please let me know. But that type of workplace dynamic is important for so many things, right? Where it's like, oh, well, if their power could sway you, but it's like, she's dying. What does she. She doesn't. You can't really hold anything over her in that stage. Like, there's. She kind of has, like, a type of free will in that moment where she's like, I can make whatever decision. I'm about to die. Nobody can coerce me in any sort of way. She wasn't coerced by him. Like, he had no power over her in that moment, but both because she had so much money already, but also because it's like, what could he have?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You know, like, the only argument.

[C]

I wouldn't want that, like, scrutiny from my co workers if I was in that position. So I think, like, yeah, I would do. I would take. Yeah. A lot of precaution and not revealing that. Like, oh, I got this from this person that worked underneath me. Cause, like, whether or not it was like, totally above board and like, obviously it was because they had a true friendship. People aren't gonna see it that way.

[A]

He's worried about the perception of it.

[C]

And people are so jealous too, because, I mean, what a blessing to like, you know, to like, you know, one day you are living paycheck to paycheck, the next day you're a homeowner. Like, that's the dream for so many people. And. And if somebody finds out about that in the workplace, there's gonna be so much unnecessary animosity towards that person. Cause, like, oh, what did you do to get this? Blah, blah, blah. Like, no way I would quit. I would quit the job if people found out.

[A]

Yeah. It's the unfortunate thing, and I think I feel it with a lot of Reddit stories where it's like, here's the correct thing, here's the, oh, this is the right thing. And it's like, and the world is so wacky and weird and you can do the absolute right thing but be perceived in a completely different way and you cannot control that, and that sucks. And you see that with a situation where it's just like, hey man, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Some comments I would stay quiet and if someone asks, then tell them you did nothing wrong and the woman was your friend. There is nothing to feel weird about. You made a difference in her life and she returned the favor. 2.3 thousand upvotes and someone responded to that saying, and truthfully say, the house money was left to your mom. Her friend op responded to that comment as well. Thank you for the reply and the help. I'll definitely stay quiet, but the only reason I feel weird about it is because of the boss subordinate thing. I hope that the other people who work under me that I like to think of as friends as well also

[C]

die and give me their money.

[A]

Yeah, sorry, sorry. That I like to think of as friends as well, won't think I did some dirty play to get into the will or be jealous and feel left out if they weren't included. For example, I know that a few weeks before her death, my friend blocked several of my co workers on Facebook because she always saw them as gossip girls and didn't want to be part of it as she tried to enjoy her last days. They asked me if I knew why they were blocked and I just acted oblivious as to not Hurt their feelings. I'm worried the workplace relationships could get tense if they also find out that I was close enough with her to be treated as a son. But maybe I'm just overthinking. Thank you again for the reply and the help.

[C]

Yeah, I don't think they're overthinking it.

[A]

I. Sadly, yeah, it's tough.

[B]

It's a valid worry. It's hard. But I very much question what kind of workplace this is and what kind of boundaries are in place.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because even, like, Smosh as an example, we are like, like, more close than a lot of workplaces would be. And that goes across like, cast is friends with crew, is friends with these people in production, is friends with everybody. And even then, there's no, like, did you hear the thing about the Whatever. Or at least not that I've experienced.

[A]

No, it's true. I will also say, though, like, we're lucky for that. Like, I do think, like, a lot of workplaces, it's not like, yeah, I

[C]

will say if one of you died and one of the. Of the other of you rolled up in their car, I would know because I know what all you guys drive. Okay. So I would know. I'd be like, why are you driving my dead coworker's car?

[B]

Why are you driving a Can't. Someone's gotta drive Shane's cool car.

[A]

Someone's gotta drive Shane's Honda Civic. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He will drive forever.

[B]

He would want this. I'm like bicep curling while I'm like ghost riding your car. I'm just like, yeah, this is what Shane would do and would want.

[A]

It is crazy that my Honda Civic will be driving long after I die.

[C]

It probably will. Yeah.

[B]

I don't think that's true.

[A]

No. Because that thing's gonna go for like 100 years.

[B]

You can go for 100 years. You're a healthy man.

[A]

But it's gonna be a tight race. It's gonna be good.

[B]

Is it a four cylinder? I think you could take it.

[A]

I could punch it to death. Someone said sell the car, keep the secret. Yep.

[B]

Oh, that's the name of a self help book by that person.

[A]

Sell the car, keep the secret. Someone said tell absolutely no one. Not co workers, friends, or even family. Warn your mother to do the same. Never discuss your finances at all. You need to tell no lies. It simply is none of their business. I just like. I. That's also just very easy. Like, convenient. It's like, that's awesome. In a world where nobody speaks to you and ever asks you questions like, I'm just like, it's this thing of like, yes, that is fair and just and the world is not that.

[B]

So if you're gonna keep the secret and be fully clandestine about it, I think what would be fun is if anytime someone mentions her name, you just sort of look off in the distance and start sweating. And if you're holding something, drop it and be like, oh yes, Marguerite, I knew her. And just if people are gonna talk anyway, lean into it.

[A]

Build into the knives out, yes, 100%.

[B]

Be like, I don't even have a space in my backyard. The soil so hard I couldn't bury anyone.

[A]

Lastly, someone said people will always talk. The sad loss of your friend could be an important reminder not to spend any of whatever time you have left on others opinions. Take care of yourself, be gentle with your grief and feel proud and fortunate that your friendship and presence in another wonderful human's life meant that in her final moments she chose to honor everything you and your relationship meant to her and to celebrate both with a gift of life changing generosity. While I obviously don't know either of you, I imagine she would want you to feel peace and deep appreciation for who you are. That's very sweet.

[C]

You know, occasionally Reddit has a good comment. Yeah, pretty good. That was pretty solid.

[A]

No, I mean it's. I definitely think OP should. I hope they find solace in like peace and like resolution in this whole thing. But I also simultaneously do think there is something to the comments that are advising for like some conscientious movement in their next actions. Like, I hate to say it, but it's just like, yeah, be smart, be smart about it.

[B]

Yeah. I also hope they got some like financial advice from a professional because it's

[A]

a lot of money.

[B]

It's a lot of money. And like, yes, get a house, that's great. But if it's a $350,000 down payment, that better damn well not be the 10% minimum. That better be like a lot of it. You know, keep the car, sell the car, whatever. But like it doesn't have to be like, yeah, I just. If I show up in all these like fancy watches and like Gucci slides, I'm really hoping they don't think of me differently. No, just let it change your life. Don't be.

[A]

Alright, get ready for a bit of a tone shift.

[C]

Oh no.

[B]

Our next story comes. Sorry. Stupid.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

Our next one was posted on Ask Men and it was posted in 2019. They ask, how many kindergarteners do you think you could personally take on in a fight before being overpowered.

[B]

Dude.

[A]

Stipulations in context. Number one. The kindergartners are released five at a time every 30 seconds.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Number two. The arena is a standard sized classroom. Let's say 40ft wide by 25ft deep. However, the room is completely empty. Three, the kindergartners are unarmed. They are just going to run at you, attempting to punch, kick, bite and scratch you. Their ultimate goal is to cumulatively dogpile on you and pin you to the ground. If they can pin you for 15 consecutive seconds, you lose. Four, you have to knock a kindergartner unconscious in order to defeat them. Once they are knocked unconscious, they vanish from the classroom arena.

[C]

5.

[A]

You can use any strategy you want to fend them off, but you are also unarmed and you are not allowed to leave the room. I feel like I'm getting robbed when I bet the finals on a sportsbook. Dude, delete that action. You need to be using Polymarket. Polymarket. Polymarket is a prediction market, not a sports book. You trade against other fans, not the house. That means more money for you and less for greedy sportsbooks. Even during the finals?

[C]

Especially during the finals. You can even trade on whether Trump or Chalamet will attend the games.

[B]

No way.

[A]

What's the catch? No catch. And it's available in all 50 states. Polymarket is so confident you'll never go

[B]

back back, they're giving you $50 free

[A]

on your first trade.

[B]

I'm deleting my Sportsbook app. How do I get started? Download Polymarket now and use Promo code buzz for $50 free for your first trade.

[A]

Stop letting Sportsbook steal from you. Download Polymarket and use Promo code buzz for $50 free on your first trade. Use Promo Code Buzz. Trading not available in all jurisdictions. Check local regulations before trading restrictions and eligibility requirements. Applying life. USAA knows dynamic duos can save the day.

[B]

Like superheroes and sidekicks or auto and home insurance.

[A]

With usaa, you can bundle your auto and home and save up to 10%.

[B]

Tap the banner to learn more and

[A]

get a'@usaa.com bundle restrictions apply. Okay, so there's no.

[C]

So there's no weapons.

[A]

There's no weapons. And I'm.

[C]

There's no objects in the room.

[A]

I guess there's no objects in the room that you could pick up and use. So you just gotta.

[C]

Can you hurl them through a window and out of the arena?

[B]

Ooh.

[C]

See, I'm thinking he should have stipulated classroom.

[A]

That's the thing.

[B]

When they Say there's like no otherwise, like an empty classroom. I'm like, there goes any obstacle advantage you might have.

[A]

Yeah, they say you have to knock the kindergartner unconscious in order to defeat them.

[B]

And see, unlike this realistic situation, that's some movie stuff where you just. And then they just pass out. That doesn't happen. That's a severe concussion, especially at that young age.

[A]

But it says they, once they are knocked unconscious, they vanish from the classroom arena. So they do just poof out of there. Kind of like, you know, video game style.

[C]

God, man, I don't know.

[A]

So these aren't real kindergartners. They're a simulation of.

[C]

Right. They're sim kindergarten.

[B]

Just cut that part out. And then the rest of the conversation looks like we're fucking monsters.

[A]

Let's establish. It would not be fun.

[B]

No. No one wants to beat up 100 kids.

[A]

I don't like the idea of hurting anyone or anything. But, you know, there's the ones of like, oh, how would you rather fight a human sized duck or a duck sized human or. No, I forget what it is. Oh, it's like a hundred ducks or one giant duck or something like that.

[B]

Human sized horse or a horse sized duck or whatever.

[A]

That's right. Yeah, stuff like that. Nah, whatever. But I'm like, I don't want to do any of that. I don't want to fight those things. But realistically, I think I'm losing pretty fast in this.

[C]

I think so too, because I think five, if five can like grapple you all at once, then you're just kind of like. I mean like a kindergartner is pretty heavy.

[A]

Yeah. If five, like armor, like if one

[C]

latches onto your arm. Right. That's like what, 50 pounds?

[B]

Yeah, it's funny. That's the number I literally just landed on my head. I'm like, that gotta be like, what, 50 pounds? But it's also not just that. It's like the fact that they're running at you with so much like, oomph. It can take the most minor thing in the world to like tweak your back. And then you're just.

[A]

True.

[B]

Imagine if you got little nieces or nephews where they're just like, ha, ha ha, catch me. And you're like, oh, whoa. Okay, buddy.

[A]

Yeah, it's intense.

[B]

That's good enough.

[A]

No, at one point, I remember my niece had latched onto my leg, you know, like kind of that thing where it's like, oh, like walk and I'll like, you know, and so I'm like walking while she's like on my leg and I'm like, oh, I can barely move now.

[C]

That's what I feel like. You need to go.

[A]

So that's two there, two on the arms and then the other one's just punching your face.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Or like biting you.

[A]

Oh yeah, no, I'm losing, like I'm losing.

[C]

Yeah. In round one possibly.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But if you give me like a push broom or something then I think what, like a push broom, like you need like,

[A]

I've just never heard it referred to as a push broom.

[C]

Yeah, you need like some like, you need like a weapon to keep them like at a distance, you know, and like scatter them.

[A]

This is literally like, what's that one game, what's the kung fu game where you beat up a bunch of people and you can grab like items.

[C]

Sifu maybe.

[A]

Sifu, yeah, no, cause in sifu I would always grab that. Shit was so fun.

[C]

Yeah, you gotta keep em at a distance, but if you don't have anything, they just close distance on you and latch onto you like little monsters.

[A]

You'd have to. Or if there's like desks as they're charging you jump up onto a desk, get a good kick in.

[C]

Sure, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Cause otherwise you're dealing with a real height differential thing here where they're so small, you're not like, oh, I'm just gonna whack em away. It's like you kinda either have to get on their level or use a kick of some kind.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But there are no, there's no anything in the room, I think. Are they coming at you all at once?

[A]

Is that five at a time? Five at a time.

[C]

And I'm wondering, do they come from

[B]

all angles, old timey British army in all of them?

[A]

I'm thinking the door opens and five rush in.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I think. Okay, so here. Okay, so I think you might need to start it with like a football charge. Like you charge at them as they're charging at you. So you nail at least two of them, send them some, send them sliding across the floor like 20ft. Then you got like three.

[A]

Like 20ft.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, I mean for me it'd be more like 30ft, but I don't

[B]

know how big the classroom is.

[C]

But then you're dealing with maybe three while the two are like, you know, trying to recover.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Then maybe you can like, you know, two latch on your arm. You got one here, then you got this, this one's free. You go, you know, like take A knee to one of their heads.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think you're underestimated. Also. What is giving me some thought is, like, you can do the classic move where you grab two of their heads and go, bon.

[B]

It's the Mike Tyson with the pigeons, except aggressively. I'm say something I think is kind of awful, but I've been more quiet on this part, and it's because I've been in the noggin and trying to think about how you would actually have to do it. I think the only way you're going to survive more than one round is to play on their fear. I think because it's what you have on you. There's nothing around you. They're all coming at you. They can barrel into you. I think first one near you, you need to catch and, like, just make an example of.

[C]

Oh, my God, like, you just grab them by the mouth.

[B]

I'm not even saying. I'm not even saying what it would be. I don't want those kind of thoughts to enter my brain. Of, like, violence. I just am, like. It would have to be, like, so shock and awe. I'm saying violence paler. Of like, they're marching on your army, and then they see, like 10,000 of your own guys. They're like, is this who we're about to fight?

[A]

Let's go home.

[B]

It has to be something like that because I'm gonna get tuckered out real fast. Like, forget the amount of therapy I'm gonna need afterwards.

[C]

Well, these are sim children. They're not real.

[B]

It's gonna.

[A]

Your body's not real. It's real to me.

[B]

You're not gonna have Marines.

[A]

Here's the problem. That argument doesn't work because these are sim children. I'm thinking this. They're not feeling fear. I don't think they feel fear. I don't think they're real.

[B]

If they don't feel fear, do they feel adrenaline? Cause if they don't feel adrenaline, that goes out the window. We're winning.

[A]

I don't even know if they. It takes a.

[C]

When you were saying, like, you gotta make them, like, afraid, my thought went to a much more or innocent thing of like, dress up as a dentist.

[B]

You don't have a dentist outfit.

[C]

Yeah, it's not in the classroom.

[B]

Yeah, I don't wanna fight these kids either.

[A]

Yeah. Or like, a barber.

[C]

Cause, like, kindergartens hate getting their hair cut. Maybe. I don't know.

[B]

True.

[A]

Yeah. Look, let's see what the comments say, okay?

[C]

Yeah, we gotta see what the. We gotta see what the comments say

[B]

that's why OP keep a clown mask in my back pocket.

[A]

Op commented, no moral constraints at all. The only things that exist are you and an unlimited number of kindergarteners coming. Okay, but buddy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Okay. He's like, actually, just don't feel bad about it. Someone said, why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of picking one up as a weapon?

[B]

This I did think about that.

[A]

This would be an extreme waste of energy picking up and lugging around an extra 50 pounds. Plus, we all think that.

[C]

Okay, we gotta know. Everyone in the comments. Everyone in the comments comment, how much you think a kindergartner would?

[A]

They're all gonna say £50.

[C]

Now, don't cheat.

[B]

Here's how I arrived there, though. I was kind of a larger, like second grader. I remember having that as the mom that I was like, oh, am I the chubby kid? And I think I was like 89 to 90 pounds in second grade. So I was like, okay, so what would be like normal for a kid? I'm guessing like maybe 70. And then, okay, so that's two years prior. I'm gonna say 50 pounds. So just, I don't know. Sorry.

[A]

Just using kicks or punches would do the same thing and conserve way more energy. I don't think it would. 6,000 upvotes. Someone said every fifth and tenth wave there's a third grader boss to assist them.

[C]

I love that.

[A]

Someone said, I've got a huge advantage and a huge disadvantage. I'm a big guy. That comes with strength, but a lack of cardio capability. I'd need to destroy each wave fast so I could have a small breather between waves. So is it allowed to just drop onto the five children, like full on fall? I reckon I could spark three out and kill two with each fall.

[B]

Spark three out?

[A]

As long as they line up nicely on the spawn. Being bigger, it'd take more to pin me too. But there isn't an infinite number that I could beat. Maybe 15 to 20 waves. After wave 10, I'd be getting tired. And I reckon it'd take 25 kids to effectively pin me. So 15, 20 waves survived. Okay. I think people really underestimate this shit. Cause have you ever heard about when people are like, oh, you think boxing is like easy? It's like box for 60 seconds.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And you are dying on the mat. It is so, so exhausting. I forgot to think he could do 15 waves. That's absurd. That is simply silly.

[C]

Has he not seen weapons?

[A]

Yeah. No, truly. That's what I'm imagining. Okay, let's. These are weapons, children.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

They said no weapons.

[A]

No weapons. But the children are weapons. No unlimited games, no bacon. But no, these kids are coming for you and they're going to rip your face off.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I also think people underestimate how much it takes to get really knocked out. Like, yes. In a boxing match, if you get hit just right, they're like, oh, it's

[A]

a total knockout, whatever.

[B]

But, like, these kids have to be unconscious. I think they're thinking of like, I kick this one and it's down. I kick this one and it's down.

[A]

No.

[B]

Nope, you're gonna have a lot more.

[A]

Lastly, someone said, I would say max three minutes before I am too tired. So 25 to 30.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

Someone said, finally a realistic answer. No, the realistic answer is it's probably over immediately. Cause 30 seconds. After 30 seconds, another five enter.

[C]

That's insane.

[A]

Whether you've defeated them or not. So even if you've defeated a couple children, even if you've knocked out a couple of the kids, more come in after 30 seconds. So you're not succeeding if they try

[B]

to sort of like, keep away from you. Which is another horrible situation for, like, I don't know, three minutes to build up their ranks, and then they go for it.

[A]

You're close. Also, the big guy's like, oh, if I just fall on them, it's like falling on them isn't just knock them out. He's thinking it's like some cartoon logic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, these aren't goombas

[B]

tweety birds around the head.

[C]

You got me.

[B]

Anyways, I don't like that we had to think about that.

[A]

I don't like it either. I much prefer thinking about how many men it would take to fight a gorilla.

[C]

I hated. I hated thinking about that. I didn't think about that when I was Chuck E. Cheese and they were kicking me in the shin at all.

[B]

Then you had reason. That's self defense.

[A]

This does remind me, though, there's a subreddit that is my favorite subreddit right now. And it has been popping off. And it's called power scaling. And all they do is they pit fictional characters against each other. They go, superman versus Omni Man. And people are like, superman would fucking crush him, obviously. And it's just a ton of that, right? They're like, oh, you know, Black Widow versus some other person, like, who would win a fight? And they're constantly doing this. And it's really fun to debate this, especially when they get really niche. I have one that I really want to post, but I don't have a Reddit account. But I'm like, okay, think about this power scaling. There is an evil dictator who gets to have one guest come and stay with them for a week, and you get to send a fictional character who you think would do the best chance of swaying them to good. And I'm like, okay, so it's Ted Lasso versus Paddington versus, like, spongebob versus, like, who would you send that could actually sway an evil, evil emperor or king or something?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, that's the type of power scaling I want.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's the most powerful of, like, positive sway. And it's like, paddington's gotta be up there. But I'm like, who else fits that bill, you know? Anyways, comment down below.

[B]

I like that a lot.

[A]

This is my power scaling predicament. Who is the most positive influence?

[C]

You think Paddington would sway a dictator?

[A]

Tell me Paddington 4 won't be like, oh, this evil emperor of this nation. It's like, oh, Paddington. You were invited to go stay with him for a week. And he's like, oh, dear. I don't know what. He's Paul McCartney to me.

[C]

He goes.

[A]

And then the evil dictator's like, what's this little bear? And then he like, after a while, he's like. He's like, you know what?

[C]

I'm a bad guy off to the gulag.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

I mean, he's already been to jail. He's already been through the jungles of Peru.

[A]

I mean, this is a classic Paddington storyline. But also Ted Lasso. You know, it's like, maybe he would also, like, he'd give him, like, a Cause he's Sports Guy, you know, I'm trying to think of other characters that fit that trope. You know what I mean?

[B]

Can there be coercion as opposed to persuasion?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Light Yagami.

[A]

Oh, that's a crazy one.

[C]

He's also evil.

[B]

Sure. Well, it didn't say that. He's just gotta change his mind. Like, goal for the day for whatever reason.

[A]

Yeah, okay, fair.

[B]

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This Father's Day with help from the Home Depot Exclusions. Apply to home depot.com pricematch for details. This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace.

[A]

Last year I went through many different life changes. I needed to take a pause and examine how I was feeling in the inside to better show up for the ones who need me to be my best version of myself.

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[A]

that was a good one. No, there was a good one recently where it was Dexter versus Hannibal and everyone was like oh dude, Hannibal walks Dexter. And I didn't realize like people rank this shit and they're like if you

[C]

look cause it gets in your mind,

[A]

they go based on the lore and the feats of like what Hannibal has done versus Dexter. It's fun. I love when it gets outside of superhero territory. Our next advice this comes from advice posted in May of 2023. On R Advice they write boner after bee sting.

[B]

Never been sicker. Bee sting after boner.

[A]

Jesus Christ. Yesterday I traveled to another country. After I arrived I did some work and in the evening as I was heading to my hotel, somehow a bee got under my shirt and I got stung a few inches under the belly button. It was very painful and the area got swollen. Weird thing is I got a hu last night I thought it would go away if I sleep it off, but to my horror it's still there. As I woke up, thought it might be morning wood, but nope. That fucker is raging. I tried everything. I'm in another country and I have to go out now to do things as scheduled and I'll have to deal with the embarrassment because I give up. I just need someone to assure me I'm not going to die and it will go away someday.

[C]

This is Those commercials, like, back in the day, they had those Cialis commercials. If you have an erection lasting longer than five hours, seek a doctor. It's that.

[B]

Yeah. That is because just scientifically here, like, the. And I know it's graphic, but.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

The blood that is in there, that is giving you, like, the boner is, like, after four hours, it's not, like, circulating. It's starting to, like, rot.

[A]

Like, it's not because this is in the pit. Oh, really?

[B]

I haven't seen that.

[A]

This was an episode of the Pit. They have a guy come in with a boner, and the.

[B]

They.

[A]

The Pit shows the full boner.

[C]

Do they have to, like, stick in them?

[A]

They have to drain it. Not kidding. They fucking show it.

[B]

Yeah, that's a real thing.

[A]

They show that shit.

[C]

Anyways, it's going down in the pit.

[A]

It's really going down in the pit.

[B]

Once they drain it.

[A]

Once they drain it. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, look, I mean.

[C]

Okay, so he got.

[A]

I love how he says. He's like, I did everything. It's like, everything. Everything.

[C]

I would have had a crazy night over there. I know. I mean, okay, we're getting crazy. Where was he? Colombia?

[B]

He just said it.

[A]

Out of the country. He didn't say it. He didn't say where he was.

[B]

That's crazy.

[C]

I don't know why I thought you said he was, like, in.

[A]

He just said he was in another country.

[B]

They got those dick bees there, huh?

[C]

Also, I want to say that I thought the title was Boner after Bee sting.

[A]

Bee sting.

[B]

Oh, like, when I was, like, done

[A]

with your feast after watching Mr.

[C]

Beast. So I was like, what's bee sting? Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Bee sting.

[A]

Comments. If you have an erection for four hours or longer, you need to seek emergency medical care immediately. Hope your wiener doesn't fall off.

[B]

Yeah, might.

[A]

Might, dude.

[C]

So he was just living with that thing for, like, over a day.

[A]

He went to bed and he woke up and he still had a boner. So. Dude, not good. Not good.

[B]

But he can laugh.

[A]

Well, if you let it sit there for too long, it does form its own consciousness and a face. It is like. Like, hello. Hello there.

[B]

Just Cockney.

[A]

Take me to a urinal.

[B]

He would be cockney.

[A]

Huh? He would be cockney.

[B]

Damn. Damn.

[A]

All right. Someone said this is an actual medical emergency. If true, the blood in your penis is going to run out of oxygen, which starves your penis tissues. It can cause permanent scarring and irreversible erectile dysfunction if left for four to six hours. If left longer, it can actually cause Total loss of function due to the damage. It doesn't matter what caused it. The end result is the same if left untreated. Please go to the emergency room. It sounds like this bee used horn attack on him. Hey, nice, Nice dude, nice op responded to that saying. Good news, after 18 hours it's finally back to normal.

[C]

It's only just extremely purple now.

[A]

Yeah, it's just really fucked up.

[B]

Very bold thing to just ride out.

[A]

Someone said this has real tube cylinder energy. That is a deep Reddit callout that we'll have to explain some other time.

[C]

Yeah, I don't have that Elite ball knowledge cylinder shaped.

[A]

Just cylinder shaped. Anyways, someone said, well you should just rename it to your beanus.

[B]

Yeah, I gotta be so real. I was thinking it.

[A]

You were thinking Benus. You've thrown out Benus as a word before?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Update.

[C]

Oh, does it work still?

[A]

They're a bee now.

[C]

Someone said this new version of Spider man is fucked.

[A]

Yeah, bee penis update. I already got a DM asking me what type of bee and where exactly was the sting to replicate it. I'm not going to tell you, buddy. People die from bee stings. Edit number two. Okay, it's gone. Thank you for the support. Edit number three. I don't have picture proof, you sick fucks. All right, so I guess they're fine. I guess their penis survived.

[C]

Their penis?

[A]

Their benis.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I guess we all learned a valuable lesson today, huh folks?

[C]

Yeah, I gotta find out what country that is and go go there.

[B]

Those bees just with sounds like a.

[C]

Just have it out.

[A]

Go to another country, get arrested. No, it was a bee.

[C]

I'm looking for bees.

[A]

A bee did this like that was a protected bee.

[B]

And now you are officially a member of their hive. And now we have to arrest you.

[A]

Final story. Okay, this was posted in need advice in January of 2020. Found injured pigeon and housed it. Now it can fly again and it's flying in my house. What should I do? It couldn't fly and now it's literally flying around my house. I'm scared it's gonna fly on me. Who do I call or what do I do?

[B]

You pick a God and thank them.

[A]

You have a pigeon now.

[B]

You have a pigeon now give it a message.

[A]

The only way it will leave is if you give it a message and a destination.

[C]

I like that. Their problem is like help. This bird is doing bird thing.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't know it could do that. When I found it, it was fucked

[B]

up and I tried to fix it and Then I did. What do I do?

[A]

I thought birds weren't real. Conspiracy comments. Open all the doors and windows to outside. What if a bunch of other pigeons fly in?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes. That's party.

[C]

Then it becomes a pigeon party. Yeah, yeah, and you don't want that.

[A]

Someone said, check out if there's a pigeon and dove friendly rescue near you. They do exist, believe it or not. They can help and get your feathery new friend to a safe place. Lastly, someone said, open your door and put food outside. Opie said, like, let it go outside. Now. Someone responded, yes, it's healed. It wants to go back outside.

[C]

Yeah, what does he expect? What does he want?

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. I'm saying like, they're like, I'm gonna fix this pigeon that can't, you know, do anything. Okay, it's fixed. Now what do I do? I'm like, let it outside, man.

[A]

Or adopt.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, look, that one obviously grew up elsewhere, but pigeons in general were domesticated by humans. And that's why it's so sad that they just sort of like chill on the streets and are like, we don't know what to do. It's cause they're not meant for that. So, you know, most of my for your page is just birds in general, but a lot of it is just like pet pigeons or rescue pigeons and things like that. And I love it. Thank you, algorithm. But yeah, dude. Damn. You should have had a step two to your plan.

[A]

Really should have thought this through. I mean, you did a good deed, but you should have assumed that the bird was gonna fly.

[B]

What if it flies on me? I don't know. Let it do.

[A]

I don't know. It's a pigeon.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

We have a little update. It's just a couple edits. They go edit. Thanks, everyone. I let it go. It walked around for a minute, then flew away. If I could figure out how to post a picture here, I will. It was a pretty bird. It had purple and bluish green on it. They're learning how photos work too.

[B]

They're also learning what a pigeon is. Like, is it gray with some bluish and green green? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I think I've seen a pigeon that looks like that that matches that description exactly.

[B]

I think I've seen this one for sure.

[A]

Had feathers.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Edit number two. Fuck the asshole who thinks I'm helpless. I was wondering at first if I should call an animal habitat place. I wasn't sure if it was all the way healed, but it did. Well, Once my friend put it outside. I have muscular dystrophy and can't open my windows because it's very hard. And I live alone, let alone push all the screens out because I can't bend down to retrieve them. My friend came over and got him out for me. Besides my physical disability, I am perfectly fine.

[B]

That one's on me. I mean, I guess I had assumed not. I didn't realize the OP had muscular dystrophy and couldn't do the things that.

[A]

Well, we didn't know. Yeah, we literally didn't know. We didn't know that we didn't know.

[C]

I'm curious how long this person was rehabbing this pigeon.

[B]

Like, 45 minutes.

[C]

Cause it's like, yeah, these things will happen sometimes where a bird will get injured. I had a friend that these, like, seagulls made a nest in their chimney and then the. The baby seagulls dropped down into their. Into their fireplace. The fire. There was no fire, but it was like, what do we do with these, like, birds?

[A]

Right.

[C]

And you, you know, immediately call around, see if you have like a local rehabber or if your city has like a. What do you call it? Animal control. And yeah, they showed up and they took them.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But this person making it sound like they were like, rehabbing this pigeon themselves for a while and then was like, what should I do after several days.

[B]

Yeah. I also think, you know, I know they're looking for advice, but I think this could be a lesson in clear communication. Because when it did, like, frankly, the beginning of the post did sound helpless, where it's like a bird is flying. What if it flies on me? It's like, homie, I don't know. But now that it's like, I have muscular dystrophy and I've raised this pigeon's that it can fly again. I'm not sure what the next step is. Is it appropriate to let it outside or should I call in animal control? I would also have difficulty grabbing the pigeon.

[A]

It's like, all right, thank you for the information that's important. It's like, oh, well, let it walk outside. It's like, oh, I'm actually living on a boat and I'm in the middle of the ocean. It's like, oh, well, you know, that's good information to have. You know, like, we kind of need that. If you're seeking advice, you should really give us the details. Ultimately, this is a silly conundrum to have. But I also understand that when you have a bird in your house that Is very intense. That feels like a lot, right?

[B]

Unexpected bird.

[A]

Yeah, unexpected bird. But they had the bird. They brought the bird inside, and then it became a thing.

[C]

Also. Thing to know, a lot of these wild birds, they got these mites on them. And you let those into your house.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then you could have yourself a problem.

[B]

I had a bird mite infestation. And that required me to be out of my living space for a while while it was fumigated.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's the saddest thing in the world because I. Yeah. Actually sadder than everything is. What I mean to say is there was, like, a bird nest that would be outside of one of my windows, like, all the time. And it was, like, from, you know, these birds laying eggs there and having babies. Recently, I noticed some, like, birds scoping out the same area. And I had to, like, completely birdproof that area, which was the most, like, heartbreaking thing to me. Cause I'm like, I've loved watching these baby birds grow up every year. Like, it happened every year. And I'm just like, set up a

[C]

little house on a tree maybe next.

[A]

As long as they're distant.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know if bird. I don't know if those birds like to nest in birdhouses.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's just something to keep in mind. Birds got mites. And like, you said, like, didn't they have to, like, heat your place up, like, to a certain, like, degree?

[B]

Yeah. They were like, we gotta cook every living thing in your place. So we're gonna. It's gonna be like 150 degrees in here, so you gotta be out and.

[A]

And then you get a bunch of Swedish guys chilling in there. Cause it's like a sauna.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're just there with towels suddenly. And you're just interested.

[B]

Listen up, Sven.

[A]

Get out of here.

[B]

Get out of here.

[A]

It's truly sound advice that no matter how good your intentions are, to be very smart about bringing a wild animal into your home, no matter what.

[C]

And I think. And I think, like, with rehabbing animals, like, oftentimes, like, they don't even want you to bring them inside. Like, you're not even supposed to bring them inside. I think for a lot of animals, they say, like, you get, like, a shoebox and you kind of like, lightly cover it or something. For, like, birds.

[B]

On my phone.

[A]

Yeah, Shoebox.

[B]

And like, a little T shirt in there and some, like, scraps.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. But, like, you shouldn't bring a wild animal.

[A]

Be careful bringing things inside.

[C]

Yeah. Don't bring a wild Animal into your house?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, oh, I got this cute doggie and it's a coyote.

[A]

Yeah, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But look, Op in this situation, Op did it sounds like they helped save a pigeon.

[B]

They did a great thing.

[A]

It was very nice.

[B]

And what I love about this post too, is the fact that they don't have photos. It feels more legit in a way because every time you see a video where it's like, I helped this bird that was in a vat of acid and there's like footage of it floating there in the vat of acid, I'm like, go get it. Go get it. Like, why are you filming? And it's always so weird watching those moments where you're like, what is the deal here? Is this in any way staged? What did you do? The fact that I found it. There was no time to take photos. I don't even know how to do it.

[A]

Yeah. I was too busy saving them.

[B]

Saving a life.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, well, that's it. That's all our stories.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Dude, I feel like we really changed people's lives with our advice today.

[B]

I'd say probably 10 for kindergarteners.

[A]

Yeah. I would get them to turn on each other. Ooh.

[C]

Psychologically mess with their heads.

[A]

Yes, that's true.

[B]

You gotta use that.

[A]

Degree psychology. That's what it's for. We had a class on that. Anyways, thank you both for being here and giving some salt.

[B]

Hey, hey, no worries. You're welcome. Yeah. If you ever, you know, are worried about anything or something's rough at home, you know, you can always talk to us.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

We're your counselors.

[A]

Thank you, counselors.

[C]

We love you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'd take it or leave it. Alright.

[A]

Okay. I respect both of you in a way. You know, community college is weird.

[B]

Yeah. By the way, I don't even go here, man.

[C]

No, I'm not gonna make that joke.

[A]

Jesus. All right, thank you both for being here and thank you for watching. Hey, look, you can take or leave our advice. You don't have to. It's up to you. But do comment down below my power scaling dilemma, because I'm curious. Who is the greatest positive influence? Fictional Character. Character. Fictional Mr. Rogers. That's real. It's gotta be fictional. It's gotta be a fictional

[B]

Mr. Rogers.

[A]

All right.

[C]

And also, how much do you think a kindergartner weighs?

[A]

All right, we'll see you next Saturday. Bye.

[B]

Enjoy your pancakes. That's what we say here, huh?

[A]

Mom, can you tell me a story? Sure. Once upon a time, a mom needed a new car. Was she brave? She was tired most. But she went to Carvana.com and found a great car at a great price. No secret treasure map required. Did you have to fight a dragon? Nope. She bought it 100% online. From her bed, actually. Was it scary? Honey, it was as unscary as car buying could be. Did the car have a sunroof? It did, actually.

[B]

Okay, good story.

[A]

Car buying you'll want to tell stories about. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply. What is that?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's a World cup holder. Like the soccer tournament.

[B]

World cup for the world. Fits every car, holds every cup.

[A]

It has a Carvana logo. Carvana made it. They buy and sell cars, so they made a car cup holder. So. Got any good cups lately? I used to. Just couldn't figure out where in the world to put them. The World cup holder, brought to you by Carvana. Proud sponsors of the World cup holder, sign up today to win [e-mail] not authorized or endorsed by FIFA. Not a real product for parody and fair use purposes only.