They MESSED Up | Reading Reddit Stories

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Reads Reddit Stories - "They MESSED Up | Reading Reddit Stories"

Release Date: June 21, 2025
Host/Author: Smosh (Shayne Topp and guests Ian and Damien)

---

Introduction

In the June 21, 2025 episode of "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories," host Shayne Topp, alongside guests Ian and Damien, dives into the hilariously cringe-worthy world of Reddit’s “Today I Fucked Up” subreddit. This episode, aptly titled "They MESSED Up | Reading Reddit Stories," showcases a series of personal anecdotes where individuals recount their most significant blunders. The trio brings their signature humor and insightful commentary to each story, making listeners both laugh and cringe in equal measure.

---

Story 1: The "Tits McGee" Email Fiasco [00:59 - 10:16]

The first story revolves around Tfue, a Reddit user who changed his wife's contact name to "Tits McGee" on his phone. This innocent prank inadvertently affected all his emails for 14 years.

Ian [02:55]: "This guy's good. Okay, most of us have a name for our spouse or significant other. Playing with Siri..."

The mishap became apparent only when Tfue received a professional email from Chuck E. Cheese Event Planning addressing his wife as "Tits McGee," leading to widespread embarrassment.

Shayne [06:02]: "He looks like he's 21. Jump streeting. He's like 100 years old. I also look, yes, you fucked up."

The hosts and guests humorously discuss the potential backstory of the name change, speculating on its origins and the unintended consequences.

---

Story 2: YouTube "Tortitoolios" Interview Slip-Up [10:26 - 18:00]

Next, a 29-year-old woman shares her disastrous job interview experience. While attempting to name her Mount Rushmore selections, she mistakenly repeated "YouTube tortitoolios," causing confusion and ultimately losing the job opportunity.

Ian [16:27]: "I'm gonna hot take. I don't think that was Paul Hollywood's fault."

The conversation explores the importance of handling mistakes gracefully, especially in high-pressure situations like interviews.

Shayne [17:10]: "You just gotta know what you're doing and if that one has, like, meaning to you. I think you have to know what you're doing and if that one has, like, meaning to you."

---

Story 3: Tattooing Mom in a Bikini [26:00 - 32:28]

A heartfelt yet humorous tale follows a man who, after his father's passing, decides to honor his dad by getting a tattoo. Unbeknownst to him, the tattoo artist inadvertently reproduces his mother's image in a bikini, leading to family embarrassment.

Ian [26:00]: "I really don't Want to show the world my mom in a bikini?"

The trio discusses the complexities of honoring loved ones through tattoos and the unforeseen reactions that can ensue.

Shayne [28:07]: "There are two kinds of tattoo getters in this world..."

---

Story 4: Radioactive Flea Market Find [33:00 - 40:10]

This shocking story details an individual’s purchase of a mysterious item from a Berlin flea market, which turned out to be radioactive thorium. The incident triggered an extensive emergency response, including fire engines, ambulances, and bomb disposal units.

Ian [34:10]: "This thing is mysterious in nature, and..."

Shayne [36:57]: "Yeah. Some dude an apartment over is like ruining your life without you even realizing it."

Guests and hosts delve into the dangers of unknowingly acquiring hazardous materials and the importance of caution when purchasing unusual items.

---

Story 5: The Toilet Paper Trouble [40:05 - 52:36]

A 24-year-old man recounts his lifelong habit of not flushing toilet paper due to his upbringing, leading to an awkward revelation at his girlfriend’s family gathering. His misunderstanding about proper bathroom etiquette caused widespread confusion and embarrassment.

Ian [41:29]: "I don't know. I have to grab a trash can with a lid for the bathroom so that it doesn't smell in there..."

The discussion highlights cultural differences in bathroom practices and the potential social pitfalls of such misunderstandings.

Shayne [48:14]: "Some dude just..."

---

Story 6: "Yummy" Triceps Compliment Gone Wrong [52:47 - 59:30]

In a humorous yet cringe-inducing narrative, a man describes complimenting a stranger’s triceps as "yummy" during a gym conversation. The unusual phrasing left the stranger visibly uncomfortable, leading to an awkward end to the interaction.

Shayne [57:59]: "You didn't do anything with it. What? You were like, yummy. It's like, oh, okay, thank you very much."

The hosts debate the boundaries of compliments and the fine line between friendly gestures and awkward encounters.

---

Story 7: Falling Asleep in the Bathtub [59:46 - 63:50]

The final and most intense story involves a woman who falls asleep while soaking in a bathtub due to illness. Her family’s panic upon finding her in distress highlights the severe consequences of such accidents.

Ian [62:08]: "I fell asleep in the bathtub and caused unrepairable trauma to my husband and brother-in-law."

The trio discusses safety measures and the importance of awareness when taking baths, especially when feeling unwell.

Shayne [63:00]: "Yeah, that's actually..."

---

Conclusion and Reflections [63:56 - 73:00]

In wrapping up the episode, Shayne, Ian, and Damien reflect on the shared experiences of making significant mistakes and the humorous takeaways that can be drawn from them. They emphasize the value of learning from errors and the universal nature of human blunders.

Ian [72:26]: "Thank you for watching. And let us know what are the themes and subreddits you'd like to see on this show."

The hosts encourage listeners to share their own stories, fostering a community of shared laughter and mutual understanding.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Ian [02:55]: "This guy's good. Okay, most of us have a name for our spouse or significant other..."
• Shayne [06:02]: "He looks like he's 21. Jump streeting. He's like 100 years old. I also look, yes, you fucked up."
• Shayne [28:07]: "There are two kinds of tattoo getters in this world..."
• Shayne [36:57]: "Yeah. Some dude an apartment over is like ruining your life without you even realizing it."
• Shayne [57:59]: "You didn't do anything with it. What? You were like, yummy. It's like, oh, okay, thank you very much."

---

Final Thoughts

"They MESSED Up | Reading Reddit Stories" offers a blend of humor, empathy, and relatable content as hosts and guests navigate through tales of human error. Whether it's accidental name changes, embarrassing interviews, or unforeseen tattoo mishaps, the episode serves as a reminder that everyone has their moments of folly—sometimes leading to laugh-out-loud situations and, occasionally, life-altering outcomes.

---

Note: Advertisements and promotional segments were excluded from this summary to focus solely on the podcast's content.

Transcript

[Shane]

What is daddication?

[Ian]

The thing that drives me every day as a dad is Dariona. We call him Dae Date for short. Every day he's hungry for something, whether it's attention, affection, knowledge.

[Shane]

And there's this huge responsibility in making.

[Ian]

Sure that when he's no longer under my wing that he's a good person.

[Shane]

I want him to be able to.

[Ian]

Sit back one day and go, we worked together. We did a good job.

[Shane]

That's dadication.

[Ian]

Find out [e-mail] brought to you by.

[Shane]

The U.S. department of Health and Human.

[Damien]

Services and the Ad Council.

[Unknown]

When the Moore family ditched cable Internet and switched to Zigly fiber, they got so much more. Mr. Moore got more upload speed for next level gaming and live streaming to the masses with reliable service. Mrs. Moore is no longer her family's IT guru, leaving her more time to stream games into overtime.

[Shane]

Let's go.

[Unknown]

And young Mason Moore got more done quickly uploading HD product demos and video conferencing without freezing. The numbers look good. Brad, you're on mute. Switch from cable Internet to ziply Fiber and get more of what you love for $65 less per month than [e-mail].

[Ian]

Hello, and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is all about messing up. Most of these stories come from a subreddit called todayifucked up. And boy, are people out there fucking up all the time. I'm joined by two people who did not fuck up ever in their life.

[Damien]

I've never made any mistakes whatsoever.

[Ian]

Ian and Damien are here. Roll the clip. Hello.

[Shane]

You know what, Shane? I messed up my voice. And it might be audible today to the listeners and viewers.

[Ian]

I heard you lost your voice, but it doesn't sound like it.

[Shane]

I've been saving it for today just for y' all, because I care about everyone out there and want to do.

[Ian]

A good job, so. Nice.

[Shane]

Thank you.

[Damien]

Yeah, I feel like your voice has a certain tone to it I've never heard before.

[Shane]

You know what? I think it's also because, like, a game, our friendship has sort of, like, unlocked the next stage.

[Damien]

Sort of, oh, I've unlocked a new SK for your voice.

[Ian]

Yes, you have a new cord. Okay. Now, for the sake of making our editors lives a little easier, I'm gonna say, today I messed up most of the time. Unless the title is kind of funny based on saying, today I fucked up. Got it.

[Shane]

It's gonna be hard. It's a hard sell to think that fuck Would not always make it funnier.

[Ian]

It always makes it a little bit funnier, but I'm gonna try not to. Okay? And also for YouTube shorts. They don't like it. They don't like it. Yeah, that's how it goes. All right, let's get into this. Our first story comes from Tfue for short. Today I messed up. Okay? Tfue and tits. 14 years too late to fix. Oh, they rhymed. They did a little half rhyme there.

[Damien]

They got a little jingle going.

[Ian]

Today I messed up and tits. 14 years too late to fix.

[Shane]

I'm already on board. Not the asshole.

[Ian]

This guy's good. Okay, most of us have a name for our spouse or significant other. Playing with Siri. One day I changed my wife's name on my phone to Tits McGee and never bothered to change it back. Obviously, when you change the name of someone on your phone, that name is associated with all the contact information for that person. So even though my wife's name isn't a part of her email address, and every time I'd email her, the name shown would be Tits McGee. For 14 years, I thought I was the only one that saw that. However, every email I've ever sent that had my wife copied on the recipient saw Tits McGee. Every fucking email, including our daycare center. I'd like to thank the wonderful team at Chuck E. Cheese Event Planning for pointing this information out to me in an extremely professional manner. They have the email. Look at this. From Chuck E. Cheese. It says, yay. Your party is booked. We are eager to celebrate your birthday star with you. See your party information below and get ready for a super exciting day. Your party information, contact Tits McGee.

[Damien]

Well, look, look. I mean, like, Tits McGee could be, like, an old Irish name. We don't know.

[Ian]

We don't know.

[Shane]

I think it sounds like one of the members of, like, Chucky's band.

[Damien]

Yeah, sure. I mean, oh, yeah. You got Pasquale. He's the.

[Ian]

Gotta have it. The pig. I actually don't know any of the other names.

[Shane]

Watch the Rock Fire Explosion documentary. It's all about how it gets there.

[Ian]

I'm not even kidding, but, like, oh, my God. So wait, Ian, you know all the names?

[Damien]

The thing that is seared into my memory is that they had covers of famous songs that was played by the band, but playing constantly through the speakers always. And they had about six songs that would just rotate, like, every season. And I will never get out of my head. Who could it be now by the Chuck E. Cheese Band?

[Shane]

Is it, like, Kidz Bop Style. Where they still have to edit it down. Or is it just because it's Chuck E. Cheese's voice? Charles Entertainment.

[Ian]

Cheese.

[Damien]

I think it's like, word for word, bar for bar.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Damien]

Yeah. Wait, isn't who Could It Be now, like, about cheating or something?

[Shane]

I think it's about tits McGee.

[Ian]

It's about tits McGee. It would be funny, the songs that they choose if they did. Like, Butterfly by Crazy Town or something like that. It's like, wow, these animatronics are getting sexy up there.

[Shane]

Sexy er. Shane.

[Ian]

Sexy er. Oh, it's. By the way, sorry, really quick. Chuck E. Cheese, Helen Henney, Mr. Munch, and Pasquale.

[Damien]

How did I forget that Mr.

[Ian]

Munch is terrifying?

[Damien]

Yeah, he's like a big purple guy.

[Ian]

He's kind of like a.

[Shane]

They grimace.

[Ian]

They've all been rebranded. They're probably less scary than what is.

[Shane]

Sorry, what is a. Why purple guys? Why nondescript animals that are purple when it comes to food service?

[Damien]

Cause grimace, Mr. Munch, purple doesn't make you hungry for people.

[Ian]

His name is Mr. Munch.

[Damien]

He used to be a lot scarier. They aged down, all of these characters. They used to all be, like, really scary.

[Shane]

He looks like he's 21. Jump streeting. He's like 100 years old. I also look, yes, you fucked up. This guy. It also hurts my feelings to know that Siri has been around for 14 years. That kind of blew my mind.

[Ian]

Absolute shock to my system.

[Shane]

Oops. But also, like, someone's gotta have your back over 14 years to be like, oh, by the way, I noticed Tits McGee. Tits McGee.

[Ian]

Have either of you ever accidentally, like, done something similar to this? Where a typo or a mistype or putting in something that you didn't think was public became public?

[Shane]

Not qu. I've done two similar things where it's like, you send the text to the wrong person.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So, like, both of them were embarrassing. One was, like, in college, my skateboard got stolen. It's how I got to class. And, like, a friend offered to either, like, make me another one in his shop or give me one of his others, whatever. And I sent this whole long text to my mom on my BlackBerry, so it was hard to type. It wasn't the thing to have in college. I just had an old phone, and it was this whole nice thing, like, you know what, Mom? I am making friends. Like, this is great. People have been really sweet. They've got my back, and I'm really starting to fit in here. And it was to the friend I was just like, God damn it. And the other one was like, I don't know. Sometimes you're in the talking stage with someone, you send a little flirtato chips photo. Just like, this is what I'm up to right now. Nothing crazy. Just like, here's my photo. And I'd send it to a work contact. And it wasn't until like a day later that I was like, ah. And I was like, I'm sorry, married work contact, who I've never had anything for. This was not for you.

[Ian]

But it happens.

[Shane]

It happens.

[Ian]

I had a very similar situation to this. I believe I've told this story on here before, where during the pandemic, we used to have meetings all the time here at Smosh. And for funsies, I changed my name on our zoom calls to Butt Idiot. And I was like, that's really funny. I'm Butt Idiot guys. And we're, like, laughing about it. Well, then I was also, at the time, on a show called the Goldbergs. And we would do our table reads over zoom, and there'd be roughly 50 people in the zoom calls. And so I hop in to do a table read, and I'm a few minutes in, and I notice that my name is Butt Idiot on the zoom call. And as I'm. As I'm actively changing, I'm like, maybe I can change it before anyone notices Sam Lerner is in there. And he goes, butt Idiot. And I was like, yeah, sorry, I just heard a different thing. I was like, thank God it was just butt Idiot. Like, thank God I didn't put something else.

[Shane]

But yeah, I also feel like, I don't know. You played a goofy character. You're a goofy person.

[Ian]

It was a comedy show. It was a comedy show. Out of everything. It's okay. It wasn't a job interview, but still scary. Yeah. Anyways, some comments here. Someone said it's always amusing seeing the emails people use on job applications or as their personal email in their company's HR system. I've had to migrate tons of contact information over my career, and it never ceases to amaze me. Something I remember off the top of my head. Paupero. Slimy and satisfying. Expect to. But play us Roofie.

[Damien]

It might be expecto, but play.

[Shane]

Oh, that's not even good.

[Ian]

Expecto. But play us Roofy Colada. Wow. And Buttfuck Express. Seriously, take a minute and make a work safe email. Lol. Yeah. Out of all those, Roofy Colada is pretty bad. I think that's.

[Shane]

That's one you have to Report.

[Ian]

I'm like, hey, man, I don't trust you.

[Damien]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Someone else said there was a post the other day that said they had to submit all the financial docs to a loan officer. And. And all the Venmo transfers had like, sucked on tits for the memo line.

[Shane]

Sorry, who among us on Venmo has not said something ridiculous?

[Damien]

No.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Damien]

Fart tax for sure. But now you can do it. Cause there was a time where you couldn't make your transactions private. Now you can.

[Shane]

That's true.

[Damien]

Just for everyone to know. That can all be private.

[Ian]

Finally someone said, what's truly funny is it's gone on for 14 years. And it took Chuck E. Cheese to point it out. OP responded, yep. Not even the daycare our kids go to has bothered fml.

[Shane]

Yeah, fml.

[Ian]

That's a throwback. That's a throwback.

[Damien]

Well, clearly the most professional people come from Chuck E. Cheese. I'm living proof of that.

[Ian]

As we know.

[Shane]

Yeah. You breached containment and now we're all here.

[Damien]

Exactly.

[Ian]

Yeah. Siri is 14 years old. That is wild. They can basically serve an army.

[Shane]

They yearn for the mines.

[Ian]

They yearn for them.

[Shane]

That's crazy. That's so crazy to think about. Cause I've never used Ciri. Like, I've had Apple products, but I don't see the need myself to be like, hey, can you tell me what time is? I just look on my phone.

[Ian]

Yeah. So, like, I. I know I only.

[Damien]

Use her to tell me what the air quality is and what the UV index is.

[Ian]

I just pull up my weather app.

[Damien]

Yeah, it's usually. Cause I'm like putting clothes on or something.

[Ian]

Ah, there you go.

[Damien]

I'm about to go out. I'm like, siri, Siri.

[Ian]

Is the air stinky?

[Damien]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. It's a real bad one today, buster.

[Damien]

Am I gonna get a sunburn outside?

[Shane]

I do use. So I don't set it off for anyone. Amazon often for weather specifically while I get dressed. But.

[Damien]

But Also Alexa, buy 20 rolls of toilet paper.

[Ian]

Wow. You just kicked off a bunch of our viewers.

[Damien]

Hell yeah.

[Shane]

I mean. Or the toilet paper industry. This is insider trading. You have toilet paper stocks?

[Ian]

Oh, you got me. Today's.

[Unknown]

You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites with Indeed sponsored Jobs. Your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility@ Indeed.com kidsandfamily just go to Indeed.com kidsandfamily right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.

[Ian]

Credit Stories is brought to you by zocdoc. When was the last time you needed to go to a doctor but you pushed it off? Made the excuse it'll heal on its own or I'm too busy? I think we've all been there. Booking a doctor appointment can just feel so daunting. But thanks to zocdoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it so easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, are a good fit for any medical need you may have, and are highly rated by verified patients. And once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. I had delayed going to the doctor for so long and when I finally downloaded ZocDoc, I was amazed at how simple it was. I finally booked a doctor's appointment. I had no more excuses. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com PittReddit to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com PitReddit zocdoc.com PitReddit back to the show. Our next story also from Tfue today I messed up. Today I messed up by saying YouTube Tortitoolios over and over causing me to lose a job at the literal last minute. We'll all learn together who among us hasn't. Not today, but a little over a year ago I, a 29 year old woman, had an interview with a company that I nailed. The whole time I was thinking yes bitch, you got this. While nailing every question. They told me during the interview how impressive my cover letter was, how they wanted me to come do a paid shift to see how the position fit me, and how they thought if this position didn't work they could look into another at a new location they were opening in 2024 I was ready to get up, give a stellar handshake and wait for a call I knew was coming. This is until they gave me one final for fun question. Who would you put on your Mount Rushmore? I knew it was coming so I already had thought of my answers. I gave my first three and bonded with the three male interviewers on some of our people. Matching up with a bolt of confidence, I added that my fourth and final choice was Paul Hollywood from the Great British Bake Off. To my surprise, no one knew who he was or or had the love for him. I did. Flabbergasted, I said that I watched the show and had his most recent cookbook. I went to add that I had watched some of his YouTube tutorials, but that's not what came out of my mouth. YouTube tortitulios came out. I was shocked and went to correct myself but kept repeating YouTube tortullios. It started with just me calmly saying this phrase again to just see if it was just a one time mistake. Apologizing once or twice. It quickly turned into frustration. I began angrily repeating YouTube tortitoolios, YouTube tutorials, YouTube tortitolios over and over and over, getting more and more frustrated, feeling like I must prove myself after about two minutes, but it felt like 20. The most intimidating of the three men interviewing me said YouTube tutorials, YouTube giving me an out. But I had too much pride. I tried saying it once or twice more before saying YouTube videos instead. The interview quickly ended and went from a we'll schedule a time for you to come do a paid shadow shift to radio silence. Who knows what could have been if I hadn't picked Paul Hollywood as my fourth person on my Mount Rushmore tldr. Paul Hollywood ruined my chances of getting my dream job. Damn YouTube tutor, YouTube tour, tattoos, YouTube Torta Tulio's I'm trying to say what they accidentally said. It's hard.

[Shane]

I'm gonna hot take. I don't think that was Paul Hollywood's fault.

[Ian]

Yeah, I know. I don't think it was Paul Hollywood's fault either.

[Shane]

He has the eyes of a husky.

[Ian]

I know. He really does. I just think their speaking got a little stodgy there in the middle and that's okay.

[Damien]

Yeah, little stodgy.

[Ian]

I think that happens.

[Shane]

They hit soggy bottom.

[Ian]

They hit soggy bottom.

[Shane]

I mean look, this sucks obviously. But you know, I think a lot of job interviews is showing how you handle things under pressure. Some people have speech impediments. Sometimes people also just mess up what they're saying, that's okay. I think the doubling down and being like, no, I have this after someone's tutorials. You're like, I know what I'm saying. But I'm gonna say, toodle oodlies.

[Ian]

Toodle oodlees. Toodle oodlees.

[Shane]

That's uncomfortable as hell.

[Ian]

Yeah. Op. I think left out when they tried to correct them, they go, shut the fuck up. I've got this.

[Damien]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

YouTube Tortitoolios.

[Ian]

Fuck you.

[Shane]

If I say it nine more times, it summons them.

[Ian]

I do think it's extreme that they were like, you've got the job. To one little flub situation for even two minutes. Being like, yeah, no.

[Damien]

Well, can you imagine sitting there and having to listen to somebody say Torta Tulio's for two minutes straight?

[Ian]

But one could say, hey, look, this is the type of dedication and perseverance that I have. I won't give up.

[Shane]

I don't know what the kind of job is, but I was uncomfortable watching you, my friend, try to say what they said. I think in a job interview situation, it's like two minutes of just pure discomfort. You don't want your customers to have.

[Ian]

That professional saying words. Good job.

[Shane]

Yeah. Actually talk real good now.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Damien]

I mean, that person wouldn't last a.

[Ian]

Day at Chuck E. Cheese in the mascot suit.

[Shane]

Throw them to the.

[Damien]

Not even at the front desk where they stamp your hand.

[Shane]

Ooh.

[Ian]

Whoa.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Damn. Sounds awful.

[Damien]

Not even at the bar where they only give adults one beer.

[Ian]

Oof.

[Shane]

Is that right?

[Damien]

One beer or one beer?

[Shane]

You can't get drunk at Chuck E. Cheese anymore.

[Damien]

Lord knows I tried. I wasn't even a legal drinking age.

[Ian]

When I worked at, like, teen.

[Shane]

I was like, yeah, right. Believe it. Yeah.

[Ian]

Oh, man. I definitely feel for this person. I mean, I can relate.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Obviously, as an actor in so many auditions, like, it's what you live in fear of, but it's also the inevitable. It just happens.

[Shane]

There's also like all those viral clips. Like, you know, there was like that weather reporter that's like very precisification with the. And you just can't get through it. Like, you can have a little, like, hiccup in the thought process, but you have to react with grace under pressure, not double down for two minutes.

[Ian]

That's also true. It's probably. That's. If I'm going to wager a guess, it would be the, like, reaction to the situation.

[Damien]

Yeah, I think so.

[Ian]

That they judged them for and we didn't get to see that. It does Remind me of the story Amanda told on Smoshmouth of her audition for Barry the show. I missed it, where she's like. She rehearsed all day and then she gets in and she was so locked in, but she's like. I started speaking and I didn't say a single real word throughout the whole scene. She was just like, you don't even know, dude. The clip of her saying it is friggin awesome. I have to find that. Yeah, watch smosh mouth. Anyways, I usually do.

[Damien]

We're doing ads for our own videos. I love that. I know.

[Ian]

Yeah. Now we got some comments here. Someone says one time, a person who was interviewing me held out their hand for me to hand them something, and I high fived them instead. Someone else said, hey, Op, if it makes you feel any better, I was interviewing with a guy whose first language wasn't English, so he had a bit of an accent. When we were talking about my past experience in history, he said, oh, so you're pretty artistic. But the thing was that he fucked up artistic to the point that it came out sounding, like, autistic. Now, I know he heard it that way too, because he instantly corrected himself while I was strongly and firmly answering with a yes. Yeah. Wasn't even quick enough on my feet to just laugh it off and be like, I understand what you meant. Nah, we just sat in silence for a solid 10 seconds before he started asking questions again. Still don't know how I got that job. Someone else said, baked.

[Shane]

Well, that was not that person's fault. The interviewer botched it. So he's like, how do I get that job? I'm like, he felt bad.

[Ian]

You have leverage guilt them.

[Shane]

You're good.

[Ian]

Oh, someone wrote in, baked in a buttery, flaky crust.

[Damien]

Oh, classic. Oh, yeah. Baked in a buttery, flaky.

[Ian]

Oh, you've not seen this?

[Shane]

No.

[Ian]

There's a local commercial for a restaurant, and they have, like, a couple, like, an old couple there. And they just need him, like, as the camera pans past a table, baked in a buttery, crispy crust. And he just cannot say flaky.

[Shane]

It's the Orson. When he's like.

[Damien]

And the wife tries to take it.

[Ian]

The wife, like, fails it, roasting him for not being able to say it. She's like. She's like, it's flaky.

[Damien]

It's flaky.

[Ian]

They were like, all right, let's let the wife take it. And then she goes, baked in a buttery, crispy cr. And then you see him, like, it's so funny.

[Shane]

It's the Orson Welles, like, can't quite get it right.

[Ian]

Champagne thing was like, ah, French. Yeah.

[Damien]

But that guy was wasted off his bowl.

[Shane]

But he started pretty bad, too. Can I point out a little pet peeve?

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I love Reddit stories. I love, you know, they always do things where like, is anyone a teacher that's dealt with this before? And someone will go, like, I'm not a teacher, but my cousin has kids. So I hate that so much.

[Ian]

And that's.

[Shane]

I already was not on this person's side when they were like, okay, today I effed up. It wasn't today. It was like a year ago. But this one time, I'm like, no. I'm like, just stick to the fort. Like, we didn't ask for you. We're not asking. I'm not a doctor, but my sister sneezed once. And so I don't know.

[Damien]

Yeah, I get that.

[Ian]

I think on a. Like, just as far as entertainment value, I'm like, do you need to say it was a year ago? Like, just. I'm like, I'm okay with that lie. Cause the subreddit is called Today I did this. It's like, just say it was today.

[Shane]

I just. I.

[Ian]

You won't know. I don't know you.

[Shane]

Yeah, I start the story with a. Like, it seems no matter. So I'm like, here we go.

[Ian]

Unreliable.

[Damien]

The funny thing is, I thought, like, you know, there's so many Reddit stories where you're like, could it be fake? But I feel like this one is so specific. Messing up tutorials with tortitudlios. I'm like, this has to be real.

[Shane]

That's also a real.

[Ian]

Oh, this is definitely real. I think these are real. Something that annoys the shit out of me on Reddit is when people ask genuine questions seeking genuine advice, and the top 50 comments are just the dumbest jokes you've ever seen in your life.

[Damien]

Oh, yeah.

[Ian]

And I'm like, guys, like, come on.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Like, let's let a real answer come through.

[Shane]

Yep.

[Damien]

Yep. It's a pun. It's always a pun.

[Ian]

They always need a pun. Reddit is addicted to puns. Also on this, someone then posted a link to the subreddit Bone Appletee, which is perfect for this kind of stuff. It's a subreddit, literally dedicated to mispronouncing or mistyping things. In a recent post, someone typed out nickeled and dimed as Nickelodeon and died.

[Damien]

Nickelodeon and died.

[Shane]

Like, that dude really hates spongebob.

[Ian]

Have you seen People. Okay, people misspelling stuff and realizing people really misspell stuff on the Internet is really funny. And someone wrote it dawned on me.

[Damien]

It dawned on me. Yeah, yeah, like dawn.

[Ian]

Like the word like D O n. It dawned on me.

[Damien]

That's the one that was like.

[Ian]

And then it dawned on me.

[Damien]

I saw one that was like 80 HD, but it was like 80 the number.

[Shane]

80 HD. That's like a sick knuckle tag though. Like 80 is this TV?

[Ian]

Is this TV LED? No, it's 80 HD.

[Damien]

Yeah, fuck that 4K.

[Ian]

We got ADHD update. Oh she's dead. Okay, we have a tortolio here. All right, update. Not to sound cliche, but I didn't expect this to blow up. I had posted this on a different subreddit a long ass time ago and only saw recently that it was deleted by mods. I said fuck it and posted it here hoping a few people would find it funny. I appreciate all of the kind responses and stories of interview fails. It made me feel less alone. Also, thanks Grammar Police and the people who worried for my health. Lol. Oddly enough, I have always had bad luck with interviews. From dropping my phone in the toilet right before meeting with the HR rep, to accidentally choking on my own spit and having a coughing fit and to the now well known Tor de tullios. I am often the candidate that looks great on paper, answers everything perfectly, and then somehow drops the ball in the red zone. I got really paranoid once this started blowing up and deleted a comment with my current situation because I would be absolutely mortified if this somehow was read by the people I interviewed with and I didn't want anything that could potentially give away my information. Not gonna lie, I came really close to deleting the post altogether just in case. Lol. Within two months of fumbling this interview, I got a raise and promotion at my current job. Now I'm making more than I would have at the other position with better hours. It goes to show that sometimes your dreams aren't always what will make you happy. Again, thank you guys for laughing at my blunder with me. I am happy I was able to bring joy to you during these super weird times. Also, if one of the interviewers is reading this, I appreciate you taking the time to interview me regardless of how it turned out. Please forget you read this post and let's please agree to never speak about this incident again.

[Shane]

That's a good attitude.

[Ian]

Hey, there you go. It all worked out for him.

[Shane]

It's a comforting thought to think that you could be messing up all the time and you just don't realize it.

[Ian]

I think that's. I think everybody needs to hear that.

[Damien]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Our next story. Today I messed up by getting a tattoo of my mom in a bikini.

[Shane]

What's up?

[Ian]

Okay.

[Shane]

I don't know. I don't know how that one starts. Okay.

[Ian]

My dad passed away a few months ago. I was really close to him and I miss him a lot. My dad had quite a few tattoos, but one of them I remember dearly. It was this pinup style tattoo of a lady in a Hawaiian skirt and coconut bra on his calf. I always liked that tattoo, even though it was pretty badly done. Most of the color vanished over the years, and I remember our dad letting us color in the tattoo with markers when he wanted to take a nap and keep us busy. My mom always disapproved, and I never understood why until now. One day, about two weeks after he passed away, I was walking around the city and came by a tattoo shop. One thing led to another and I walked out of that shop with the same tattoo my dad had, the lady with the coconut bra. The artist did a great job at recreating the tattoo, and I was very happy until I got home and wanted to show my mom. My aunt was there, my dad's sister, and started laughing like crazy. My mom looked quite shocked. Not the reaction I was expecting at all. I didn't understand what was happening until my aunt told me. Well, now you've got your mom on you forever in a skimpy outfit. Great choice. Well, long story short, my dad got this tattoo about a year after they started dating. She wore this outfit to a party, took a photo, and he got it tattooed a few weeks later. Great. Fucking great. I was a bit confused because my mom has always had blonde hair. The tattoo lady's got black hair, but apparently she had a short phase of dyeing her hair black for a few months. My mom always hated that tattoo. They almost broke up because of it. Back then, she made him swear that he would never tell anyone the story behind that tattoo. Hence why I don't know anything about it and I never asked. I thought this was just a random tattoo he got on one of his many vacations. Well, now I have a tattoo of my mom in a coconut bra. Great. My mom told me she doesn't mind and that it's kind of funny now, but I'm really thinking of getting it removed. At least it's on my ribcage so I can hide it for the time being. I really don't Want to show the world my mom in a bikini?

[Shane]

This is like a. This is a single digit IQ move. Like you.

[Ian]

Sorry.

[Damien]

I love that. It's like she changed. She had different hair color for a completely different person.

[Shane]

There are two kinds of tattoo getters in this world, and I understand both. They're the ones that, like, research for years and they're like, you know. Yeah, I have a little, like, it's a little bumblebee. Cause my grandmother always loved bumblebees and it reminds me of her. And it's a. And it's that. And then there's like. Yeah, they had like a flash sale. So I got like, hey, Arnold. Pissing on a wall for 25 bucks and it's all over the place. And both are fine, but you have to know what you're doing and if that one has, like, meaning to you. And also, you know, your mom hated it. Like, why wouldn't you be like, hey, Mom, I would love to honor dad in this way. I think it'd be a fun little thing. Are you comfortable seeing this reminder of your husband who passed? And that's like, oops, like, there's. You fucked up every part of this.

[Ian]

I guess. I see. Like, it's been two weeks. When he got the tattoo, it had been two weeks after his dad passed away, and he didn't know anything behind, like, this tattoo. I'm assuming the tattoo wasn't that detailed.

[Damien]

It must not.

[Ian]

It must just kind of look like general, like a sailor tattoo. That's what I'm kind of assuming is it's just kind of a cartoony looking, like.

[Damien]

But if he got it closer.

[Shane]

Like Sailor Jerry.

[Damien]

Yeah, like a Sailor Jerry. But it's, like, called, like, American.

[Shane]

But either way, like, the idea that he got it close enough that when he walked in, he was like, look at my tattoo. And everyone's like, oh, like, they knew that was it.

[Ian]

Yeah. I mean, but the sister, the dad's sister, and the mom clearly knew the story behind it. Yes, but, like, his sibling didn't know about it.

[Damien]

But I mean, like, that it never came up.

[Ian]

Well, he says that the moment the mom made the dad swear never to tell anyone the backstory behind it.

[Shane]

Oh, but I'm also saying, like, if you were to be like, hey, I got this tattoo and it's similar and you come home, people would be like, oh, that's the one. Just like your dad had. It was close enough that everybody was immediately like, we know what that is. That's your mom. Like, sure. That sucks.

[Ian]

I Mean, it definitely sucks. I think clearly everyone around him is fine, but it's uncomfortable for him to know he has a tattoo of his mom in a bikini. That's rough.

[Shane]

It's super rough.

[Ian]

Sucks.

[Shane]

Don't get it on a whim.

[Ian]

So I don't know. That's probably one that's gonna be hard to like, fix. So you might have to get that removed. That sounds hella.

[Damien]

Rib cage tattoo. That's tough one.

[Ian]

That's brutal.

[Shane]

I have an idea.

[Ian]

Okay, just hear me out.

[Shane]

The bikini part, probably fine. The head, if it's already like all black with the hair, turn it into. Do you like the movie Predator? Ooh, Predator in a bikini. And that's kind of just like, hey, there you go.

[Ian]

There you go.

[Damien]

Or Peter Griffin.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Oh, Bunny.

[Shane]

I think that might be trickier with a big like sort of smaller.

[Ian]

Well, they might have to erase. Yeah, like laser. Remove the head and then get a different head there.

[Damien]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Peter Griffin's head.

[Shane]

There you go. 100%.

[Unknown]

You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job post seen on other job sites with Indeed sponsored jobs. Your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility at indeed.comkidsandfamily just go to indeed.comkidsandfamily right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.

[Ian]

Pretty cool.

[Damien]

Those are some free ideas for you.

[Ian]

Yeah. Enjoy some comments. I'd say keep it. It's a reminder of your dad first and foremost. If anything, it showed his love for your mom. You could think of it as a symbol of your parents love if you wish. No one has to know it's your mom. If anyone asks, just say that it's a recreation of a tattoo your late dad had in his honor. You loved it before enough to put it on your body permanently. Don't let this new info ruin its memory for you. 8.8 thousand upvotes.

[Damien]

I agree with that.

[Ian]

Yeah, I definitely think my only reasoning for him getting removed is cause he's uncomfortable with it.

[Shane]

Sure.

[Ian]

I'm like, hey man, if you're Uncomfortable. Remove it. Because I could see how some people could feel uncomfortable about it. But you're allowed to tattoo whatever you want on your body.

[Shane]

Can I pitch a second fix?

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Okay. It's the tattoo. Obviously, it is what it is. Where was it on the. Dad, Was it on, like, the bicep? On his leg. On his leg. Get a tattoo around it of, like, a man's leg. So now it's not, like, a tattoo of your mom.

[Ian]

It's a tattoo of leg, dude. A tattoo of my dad's leg.

[Damien]

And also, we go in exhibit mode on this.

[Shane]

What you would. You confuse predators like zebras. Like, they'd be like, how many legs does this guy have? I'm not gonna bite him.

[Ian]

Yeah, like. Yeah, it's true. It's very smart.

[Damien]

All right.

[Ian]

Someone said your dad is laughing his ass off in heaven. Op said he definitely is. He'd find it absolutely hilarious. Lastly, someone said my dad had a scorpion tattoo on his arm. I decided to get one to match his and took a picture to my artist. Yeah, we can definitely do this. But did you want the scorpion to have an extra set of legs so mine has the appropriate number of legs?

[Damien]

Oh, no.

[Ian]

I brought it up to my dad later, and he joked that it was a special Lebanese scorpion. He got the tattoo to commemorate his time in the military and spent a fair amount of time there. I did find out later that the guy who did it used to do a lot of coke at the time. So I just assume he got hyper focused on the legs and was going, legs, legs, legs, more legs.

[Shane]

He's like, no, Scorpions are arachnids. People don't talk about it enough.

[Ian]

Yeah. You know, they really are scorpions as fighters.

[Shane]

Yep.

[Ian]

Yeah, well, that's a pretty big mess up. We've got YouTube Tortitoolios. We've got Tits McGee. And now we've got tattoo bikini mom. Bikini tattoo mom.

[Shane]

Yeah, bikini tattoo.

[Damien]

How can we go from here?

[Ian]

We gotta see if someone messes up more than this.

[Shane]

Okay, you guys, let's go.

[Ian]

Okay, our next story. Today I messed up. Random flea market item turns out to be radioactive.

[Damien]

Yes.

[Shane]

This is why you have me on today.

[Ian]

Yes.

[Damien]

Is it a radon watch?

[Ian]

We always have a radioactive.

[Shane]

It's either a radon watch or it's not just uranium glass. It's milk uranium glass. It's gonna be chipped too. And that's when it's fucked up.

[Ian]

Sorry.

[Damien]

Here we go.

[Ian]

Okay. I bought this random item in a flea market in Berlin because it looked cool and it was cheap. It's been in my wardrobe ever since. Until I took it out yesterday to take photos of it. Because I found out about the R. What is this thing? Page? Lots of people came back with different answers, but a few people said it looked like it was radioactive and that I should go to my local fire station to check it. This morning I phoned the non emergency fire brigade number and explained the situation. Two minutes later, three fire engines arrived to test the object, which was in fact radioactive. They then called for backup and three ambulances, three police cars, and a counterterrorism CBRN bomb disposal unit arrived. They evacuate all the flats in the building and after four hours, they finally removed the object. It turned out to be thorium. I'm not sure about the isotope number or radiation levels. Here's a photo of this thing like my dude had straight up.

[Damien]

What the heck?

[Ian]

He had something the Avengers are scared of.

[Damien]

What is that?

[Shane]

Do you know about the demon core?

[Ian]

No.

[Damien]

I was thinking about that too.

[Shane]

Look it up later. It's similar to what Emily was talking about, but it's like there are moments where it's just like, okay, as long as this one thing doesn't touch anything else, we're safe. But if it drops. Oops, it dropped. Everyone in this room has got about 24 hours. And that's the level of radiation you just got. It's happened like three times. So yeah, it's.

[Damien]

Oh, I was thinking of the thing that's underneath Chernobyl that's like.

[Shane]

Oh, the elephant.

[Damien]

The elephant foot.

[Shane]

No, demon core.

[Damien]

I brought back the elephant foot from this cool place in Ukraine.

[Shane]

It tastes like fire.

[Ian]

Thorium is a radioactive substance that if ingested or inhaled via dust, it can increase the risk of developing lung or bone cancer. Which, yep, makes sense why the various departments were called wow.

[Damien]

But why is it in what that thing is?

[Ian]

This thing is mysterious in nature, and.

[Damien]

They found it in a flea market in Berlin.

[Shane]

It's mysterious and important.

[Ian]

Yeah, they found it at a flea market in Berlin. Okay, so. Dude, I got.

[Damien]

I gotta go to Berlin. I don't think you think.

[Shane]

I don't think you do. We have to talk about why you thought that.

[Damien]

What I want to do is I do want to go to Berlin, but just to go to that place where there's that. The ravers that were under the bridge.

[Shane]

Oh, the like classic, like cyber ravers.

[Damien]

That's in Berlin. I really want to be there.

[Ian]

A huge historical moment. It scares me that this tiny little thing that this guy had caused this level of response. I'm like, how many radioactive things like that are just around?

[Shane]

Yeah. Some dude an apartment over is like ruining your life without you even realizing it.

[Ian]

I don't know.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Holy crap. Terrifying.

[Shane]

That sucks.

[Ian]

Comments? You didn't mess up. You provided valuable, low stakes training for multiple emergency services. Good firefighting crews train plan for so many scenarios, radioactive threats being one. This just happened to be the perfect thing to test with more real world variables than any training planning could account for. You're out some money, but now have an awesome life story. Yeah. You're out 50ambulances that we're calling.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Right.

[Damien]

And you might have bone cancer.

[Shane]

Now you have an awesome life story. A short, short life story in dead life. So fast. So done. Sorry.

[Ian]

Someone said, this is probably unnecessary, but have they checked to see if you're radioactive from exposure? Like if you have the radioactive material on you? He said, yes, they did. They got me to take my shoes off and scanned my feet and my hands. Someone said, and are you radioactive in your feet and hands? OP said, higher than usual, but nothing dangerous.

[Shane]

Yeah, you're really omitting some information. Like, yeah, they checked. Are they fine? They did some tests. Are you good?

[Damien]

He's like, well, they didn't scan my mouth, so.

[Ian]

Right. Hey, man, did you get bit by a zombie? Yeah, I was just out walking.

[Shane]

So X Men are cool, right? We can all agree the X Men are cool.

[Ian]

Yeah, they're all set now that we've.

[Shane]

Stepped aside as a base. Got some news.

[Ian]

Okay, lastly, someone said, I'm a trained radiation protection supervisor.

[Shane]

Crow scientist here.

[Ian]

Yeah, I'm a professional Crow scientist. I'm like, of course there's a Redditor who's a radiation protection supervisor. So I'm a trained radiation protection supervisor. So have some useful information on this. Although others will have far more knowledge than me. Why would more people have more knowledge? It sounds like you should have the most knowledge.

[Damien]

No, the supervisor to the radiation trained specialists.

[Shane]

True.

[Ian]

Yeah. My supervisor, it's almost Certainly, almost entirely th232. This has a half. I was gonna say this has a half life that is longer than the age of the universe. So its activity will be extremely low. It will off gas radon 220, which is an alpha emitter that you don't really want to breathe, but it will produce this at an extremely low rate. Welding rods and the mantles for gas lanterns are both typically thoriated and pose no significant risk unless you've been licking it or inhaling powdered thorium from it. I Think any dose is likely to be marginal compared to background exposure. If you've kept it in a cupboard in its shielding for most of the time, I'm pretty certain you have nothing to worry about. It's like, as long as you're not licking it. Yeah, well, it's gross.

[Shane]

What's up?

[Ian]

Yeah, well, yeah, it tastes really bad, so it didn't have much. Yeah, it hurt. Wow. Hilarious.

[Damien]

That's awesome.

[Shane]

I'm glad that it's not like we joke, but I'm glad that he's not dying.

[Ian]

I'm glad he's doing all right. Yeah, I'm glad.

[Shane]

I think flea markets are pretty cool. I go pretty often to find cool little things and I'd like to also not die.

[Damien]

Well, you should bring a Geiger counter next.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Ian]

You have some slightly radioactive stuff, right?

[Shane]

I have some uranium glass, which is cool, but I keep it behind glass so it's not the particles in emits like, they literally go like. And they just sort of. They don't go very far. The problem is if it's chipped or scratched in any way, that's when it's dangerous. So people have gotten me gifts before where they're like, I got you this. I'm like, thank you. And I have to immediately toss it because it is dangerous.

[Damien]

Wait, people get you uranium glass as gifts?

[Shane]

I had like a family friend who's like, much, much older. Be like, I heard you liked this. I had some of this in my house and I'm like, that's so nice. Thank you. And I was grateful, but it was not in a state to be safe. And then I had one person send a gift to the P.O. box one time that was just. It was like a little milk glass clown. It was like a really cool thing. And it wasn't. There wasn't an issue. It's just the kind of thing, if it was chipped or scratched, it would have been, but it was well wrapped. And I was like, this is really cool.

[Ian]

So I kept it. Wow. But yeah, you like stuff if it's radioactive or haunted, Preferably both.

[Shane]

Well, what is radiation if not the haunting of the universe?

[Damien]

I like that.

[Shane]

Oh, that's Michio Kaku.

[Ian]

Just kidding. I made it up. Particle haunting. All right, our next story.

[Shane]

Oh yay.

[Ian]

Woo hoo. Today I messed up by never flushing toilet paper.

[Damien]

Okay, uh oh, we got somebody that did not grow up in the US this is a thing.

[Ian]

Okay.

[Shane]

Really?

[Ian]

If I read this title yesterday morning, I would have been like, okay, why is that a fuck up? But after last night, I have realized this is what normal people do for backstory. I would never flush my used toilet paper for two reasons. The first reason being that when I was a little kid, a plumber had to come and mess around with the tank in the back and and said that a bunch of baby wipes were flushed and not to do that. My mom specifically told me, do not flush anything that's not shit down the toilet. So that's what I did from that point forward. The second reason was because there was always a trash can next to the toilet. So naturally my brain went, this is where the toilet paper goes instead of the toilet. And I would always put it in there. So that's the premise. Slightly more backstory. I've been seeing my girlfriend for a few years and in her parents house she also has the same toilet trash setup. The key difference is being that there's never a bag in it and there was never anything inside of it. So I would flush the toilet paper down the toilet because I didn't want to get shit on the bin. But I would feel really guilty because I thought it would fuck up their pipes. So I would actively avoid using the bathroom at her parents house. Fast forward a year and we moved in together in an apartment and I made it a point to grab a trash can with a lid for the bathroom so that it doesn't smell in there and a bunch of trash bags. My girlfriend was confused but didn't really question me. So this is where the fuck up happens. This is where the fuck up happens.

[Damien]

Oh, okay.

[Shane]

Get ready. Here it is.

[Damien]

Okay.

[Ian]

Yeah, here comes. Last night I was visiting my mom with my girlfriend and her family. So in total there's about 10 of us. Earlier that day, I had gone to Dave's Hot Chicken and got the reaper sandwich which was now running through me with a vengeance. I went to the bathroom, did my deed, then decided to be thoughtful and not stink up the bathroom by taking out the trash with the now used toilet paper. I walked through the living room with the bag to throw it in the trash outside. When my mom asked me why I was throwing the bathroom trash out, it wasn't full. I said so that it wouldn't stink up the bathroom because I'm thoughtful like that. My mom looked so confused and asked me why the trash would smell. Keep in mind this is in front of everyone. I'm close with my girlfriend's family at this point. So I jokingly said, what am I not supposed to wipe? I cannot understate how quiet that Room got I have tinnitus. And I swear even that went away for a few seconds I just thought the joke didn't land. So I went outside, threw the trash out and then came back inside. To everyone still just as confused as I was. My girlfriend's brother, who is my age asked me if I was serious. I said I was and me being the dumb ass I am, decided this was a good time to bring up how weird it was that at their house they didn't have a bag in the trash and that I felt guilty. Every time I flushed toilet paper down the toilet, everyone started laugh, crying. Apparently it is actually very normal to flush toilet paper down the toilet and I was the weird one here. A 24 year old fully formed adult was not aware of the fact toilet paper can go down the drain and not cause issues. I tried to justify myself to which there was no justification I could give and spent the rest of the night embarrassed. And now my girlfriend's entire family and my entire family knows that for at least 18 years I was not flushing my used toilet paper. Edit to people asking how the fuck my mom didn't notice shit covered toilet paper in the trash for years. Fair point. We had two bathrooms in the house, one for the kids and one for my parents in their room. My mom taught us to clean our own bathroom at like 8 or 9 so she would never really have a reason to go into our bathroom and vice versa. She moved to a smaller house where she is currently living and where I lived up until recently that had only one bathroom for everyone, three people, including myself. How did neither of them not notice? No idea. I wouldn't just toss it in the trash though. I would turn it shit side down so it's only the white side as a way to be polite. Sure, if it got, if it got on the bag, I would just toss another piece of toilet paper to cover it up. So unless you went rooting around in the bathroom trash, which literally no one does, you wouldn't see it. Yeah, I have started to notice that this is actually kind of more common than I thought of people having very odd bathroom habits, like pooping habits and not ever knowing because it's a solitary act. So there's no one there to correct you. There's that famous clip from a radio show where a guy's talking about, he's like, you don't catch the poop when you poop poop. That's why he's like, you catch it. Like you're supposed to catch it. And she's like, you've been catching your poop this whole time. And he is literally blown away that this is not what everyone does. But I'm like, to be fair, we don't talk about this.

[Damien]

No. Yeah.

[Ian]

When was anyone gonna realize? So I'm like, I get it. I'm a little mad at the moment for like making fun of him. Like, she told you, don't flush anything. It's kind of scary.

[Shane]

You can fuck up so easy forever. That's one statement.

[Damien]

Guys, I got a great idea. I'm gonna, you know, I think I'm leave this and become a kindergarten teacher.

[Shane]

No, no, I just don't.

[Damien]

I'm just gonna tell him the craziest shit.

[Shane]

I don't think they'll let you at this point.

[Damien]

Yeah, okay. Cause I thought the story was gonna go somewhere slightly different because I knew of somebody that grew up in a different country where the plumbing wasn't good so you would have to throw your toilet paper in the trash. But then when they immigrated with their family to the U.S. they didn't. Or at least this person didn't know that you could flush. So they were doing the same exact thing at like friends houses and stuff. Not knowing that you can do that here.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I feel so much anxiety whenever there's like a bathroom story where like, we've had so many Reddit stories where it's like, and then the toilet flooded and then I fell into the tub and like all these things. And it sounds like when he's describing, like, well, if the poop gets there, I cover it up. This is like every bathroom experience for this person was like an event, a mission of like, I have to fix this. I get like hearing something as a kid and not being corrected. What I'm curious about is like, municipal bathrooms, like school bathrooms. Obviously you're flushing everywhere else in the world. Or like, if you're even at a coffee shop, like there might be.

[Damien]

That's why you bring the poop bag.

[Shane]

You gotta bring your own poop bag. And that's very polite. And a poop like that and a knife in the bag and it looks like a crime. But no, there's like a trash can across the way. Like, there's enough situations that like, I feel like even with natural curiosity, you just say to your friend, like, man, don't you wish we could have the kind of toilets at home that they do at the a coffee shop? Like, it just, it's just shocking. Never came up.

[Ian]

Public bathrooms had to have been tough, cuz there's no Trash cans in public bathrooms.

[Damien]

He was just doing. Nah, he was just doing Kobe.

[Ian]

I just hope he got lucky.

[Shane]

Some guy just.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Marilyn. The day got worse. I gotta go.

[Ian]

Y' all don't have trash cans in your stalls? No. Men's bathrooms.

[Shane]

Well, some do because they're, like, gender inclusive, so, like, some even, like, men's restrooms, they will have, like, a little, like, something to the side in case somebody needs to throw it, but not often.

[Ian]

Most public bathrooms I know of the toilets, like, at an airport or something, they do not have trash cans.

[Shane]

The airport I just went to did.

[Ian]

Next to the toilet.

[Shane]

Yeah, they got.

[Damien]

Dang, bro. You go to woke airport.

[Ian]

That's crazy. Oh, man.

[Shane]

Do you guys get Xboxes in your stalls?

[Ian]

I feel bad. I feel really bad when I hear about these types of bathroom things where people have a misconception that they just live with. Cause I'm like. Oh, yeah. Like, you're saying the bathroom was just, like, a lot of work?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Like, this is an extra step. You were doing that you didn't need to do. That sucks, and I'm so sad. I'm glad he learned now.

[Damien]

How old is this person?

[Ian]

24.

[Damien]

Okay, that's not that bad.

[Ian]

Not hard.

[Shane]

Yeah, it is. What do you mean?

[Ian]

I mean, you know, that's.

[Shane]

Well, I guess it's not about 25, but, like, 24 sucks. Yeah.

[Ian]

Now a big lifestyle change. Looks.

[Damien]

He's gonna be so. This person's so free now. They're just like. And I just drop it into the toilet.

[Ian]

I know. So much less work. I scoffed at it for a long time, and then I got a bidet, and I was like, this is crazy. Oh, dude. It's wild, man.

[Damien]

Are we all bidet bros here?

[Ian]

Yes.

[Shane]

I have a bidet with a heated seat, and it's lovely.

[Ian]

I've got my bidet on fire hose setting, so it helps me stand up.

[Shane]

Do you have the.

[Ian]

Like, I hover above my toilet. It's just.

[Shane]

It's Mario Sunshine. It's the second thing for Mario Sunshine.

[Ian]

I never realized that thing in Mario Sunshine is just a bidet.

[Shane]

It was. And then Mario changed his life. Cause for years, he was like. Scientists were like, we should make a sentient bidet. And it was just the worst existence.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Damien]

You know that guy that does, like, the breathing exercises? Wim Hof?

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Damien]

He, like, perforated his colon because he was using, like, a fountain as, like, a bidet.

[Ian]

Oh. Hmm. Thank you, Ian.

[Shane]

He became the fountain with new McValue at McDonald's. You get more than you expect.

[Ian]

So after a long day, buy a double cheeseburger and add a McChicken for a dollar. Because saving with deals is always on the menu.

[Shane]

With new MCvalue, prices and participation may vary.

[Ian]

Valid for item of equal or lesser value.

[Unknown]

You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job post seen on other job sites with Indeed sponsored jobs. Your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility at indeed.comkidsandfamily just go to indeed.comkidsandfamily right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.

[Damien]

Yeah, well anyways, don't use public fountains as bidets.

[Ian]

Yeah, I would say so.

[Shane]

Hear that everyone?

[Ian]

Now you know we have some comments here. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I cleaned bathrooms in retail for a few years and you're not the only one. I found a shocking amount of shit paper in the trash receptacles on a regular basis. So he's one of many. Someone said to be frank, a lot of countries have piping systems that don't support toilet paper, so it's not an unreasonable thing to conclude. Your mom gave you shitty instructions which led to your shitty situation. This varies from location to location. Almost everywhere I've been, you flush toilet paper. But where I was in Brazil for example, we were instructed not to. So if he does travel to other countries, he's gonna be very prepared. That's true for the life there.

[Shane]

So people will like check in after.

[Ian]

And just be like wow.

[Shane]

Like you get it.

[Ian]

You're really cool man.

[Shane]

Thanks for doing your research.

[Ian]

Anyways, next story. Today I messed up by telling a stranger his triceps looked yummy.

[Damien]

Oh.

[Shane]

Oh, okay.

[Damien]

And Shane, I apologize.

[Ian]

It's okay. Thank you, Ian. I am a 35 year old man happily married to a woman with two kids, much to her chagrin. I am a chatterbox. I love chatting with a stranger, getting a piece of their story and making a new friend. I've been going to my local gym for five plus years. It's a fairly close community, so I know Most people that go there, especially the 5 to 7am crowd, well, last week there was a new guy there in the morning around my age that I'd never seen there before. So in true me fashion, I strike up a conversation, introducing myself, getting his name, talking about our workouts, et cetera, et cetera. Super nice guy, fun conversation. Until I finish off with, well, it was good chatting. Sure we'll see each other again. Keep working on those triceps, they look yummy. I have never used yummy to describe anything, not to mention just a weird thing to say to anyone in my opinion. He gave me the most what the fuck look I've ever received. I get all flustered, apologize, say, not sure why I said that. Went to the other side of the gym and finished my workout, hoping to God he doesn't need to come to my side. I do public speaking for a living. I rarely get flustered. I've been thinking about it for three days and want to find a new gym. Tldr tried to bro down with a stranger at the gym. Told him his triceps were yummy. As we were wrapping up the conversation, I was mortified. He was hella weirded out and I'm now looking at options to leave the country.

[Damien]

Okay, here's. Here's where he fucked up. When you say something so out of pocket like that, you just gotta double down on it. Yeah, you gotta be like, yeah, they look yummy. I just wanna munch on em. You have to establish dominance. You can't let the other person, you know, make you feel.

[Ian]

He's gotta put a foot up on a bench and drape a towel over his shoulder and go, you know, Justin Bieber, yummy. Triceps.

[Damien]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ian]

And just be like, yeah, yeah.

[Damien]

Cause if you acknowledge, lick your lips and apologize. If you apologize for it, you've lost. You've lost.

[Ian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

I will say like, yeah, I think there's something to that. Honestly, I think you have to like double down by like doing it to someone else. Being like, like people that, you know and just be like, hey, Chris, good to see you, man. Hey, keep your day yummy. Like, hope your workout's yummy. And then just have it be like, oh, that's my thing now.

[Ian]

That's what I. Oh, boy, and those biceps, fuckable.

[Shane]

Or you can like, I don't know if, you know, people at the gym have them do it too and just be like, hey, dude, the squats you were doing looked yummy. Like they gotta have your back.

[Ian]

Yeah, it's True.

[Damien]

I think there's worse things. Gotta spot someone say, I feel like you can recover. You can recover from yummy.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Damien]

As long as you're like, name them. I mean, as long as, like, it didn't come off as, like, sexual harassment, you know?

[Ian]

Totally. It does a little bit.

[Damien]

It does a little bit. But if it's like. If it's from bro to bro.

[Ian]

I'm imagining, though, that the way his phrasing of it, like his, you know, enunciation of it, those triceps look. I think he's saying, like, oh, yeah, your triceps looking great. But like, what he said was like, oh, yeah, and your triceps looking yummy, man. And just being like, it's worse that.

[Shane]

You didn't do anything with it. What? You were like, yummy. It's like, oh, your triceps look yummy.

[Ian]

Like, it's just.

[Shane]

It's worse than it's normal.

[Ian]

Like, it doesn't. It's like the way you're pronouncing it doesn't sound like sexual harassment, even though the phrasing of it does.

[Shane]

It's rough.

[Ian]

It's also rough that it's somewhere between 5 and 7am it is 6am in the morning when he is saying this to this guy, that makes a lot.

[Damien]

More sense because my brain.

[Ian]

Oh, my brain is fried.

[Damien]

Not working.

[Ian]

I don't typically like talking to people at the gym. Cause I go early in the morning and I'm just like, I'm out of it. Like, I am on autopilot here.

[Damien]

Yeah, that's definitely like tortillio, kind of like zone.

[Ian]

Yeah. Someone said, ain't nothing wrong with appreciating a fellow bro's yumminess. Someone else said I would just move to another continent and start a new life on a farm. Someone said, okay, I feel this. I use the word tasty to compliment a coworker on her recent nails from the salon. They were a creamy pinkish icing, like, color and legit looked delicious. Oh, they did not let me live that one down. Someone said, you should have clarified that you have select tastes in human flesh. That would have solved the matter for sure. Someone said it would be kind of funny if this is how you found out you're bisexual.

[Damien]

Oh, interesting.

[Shane]

You know, I feel bad, like, making fun of this guy because I do think it's great to, like, compliment people. It's great to support people. There doesn't always have to be this underlying current of, like, what if you're attracted or whatever. Like, if you are Great. But, like, it's wonderful to just support people, but not everybody's down for that. And I feel like yummy is like a 10 out of 10 on the.

[Ian]

It's a guy he just met. No, I actually think, like, in some ways it's better that it's like, it was not like, some, like, a woman that he just started talking to. It's a.

[Shane]

In that way, I'd be like. I wouldn't be like, ha, ha, you have to move. I'd be like, ha, ha, stay away from her forever. I'd be like, you have to go now.

[Ian]

Please, please don't call the cops.

[Shane]

You don't.

[Ian]

Um, it's. It's rough, though.

[Shane]

Like, three minute head start to run.

[Ian]

He did say that he followed up by saying, I don't know why I said that. Like, he did clarify that. He immediately was like, oh, I don't. I don't know why I said that. That's silly.

[Damien]

See, I feel like. I feel like that. Yeah. When you do that, though, then it's like, oh, I don't know. I think it makes it more weird.

[Ian]

Interesting.

[Damien]

I think you just gotta lean in, you know?

[Shane]

I don't know. The tuck and roll for this situation. Yeah. I don't know how you lean into any of it.

[Ian]

Okay, what would we do if we were on the receiving end of being told our triceps are yummy?

[Shane]

I've had compliments like that that make me. I just go like, oh, okay, thank you very much. To sort of show, like, a little bit, like, all right. But I still say, like, thanks so much.

[Ian]

So I think, like I said, it's a lot based on the body language and the way they're saying it, that I'm like. I'm getting that this guy's not saying it in any sort of, like, harassing, sexual way. He's saying it in such a casual, nonchalant way that I'm like, oh, maybe you are just a guy who's a jokester or whatever. Like, you're just. That's how you are. I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

[Shane]

Sure.

[Ian]

But it would definitely. You'd be thinking about it.

[Shane]

You're not starting at zero with this person. You're a little in the red. You've gotta, like, build back later.

[Ian]

Get a little dead.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Yeah. It's hilarious to read about, though.

[Damien]

Yeah. Shane, those pants, scrumptious.

[Ian]

Thank you.

[Shane]

They actually. They do look like a nice tomato paste. And I like that.

[Ian]

Thank you.

[Damien]

Oh, like a vodka sauce.

[Ian]

I'D say definitely a vodka sauce.

[Shane]

Yeah, like a vod. Yeah, like a vodka sauce. What are we saying? Vodka sauce?

[Ian]

Yeah, I think we're saying a vodka sauce.

[Damien]

Pull the room. Vodka sauce.

[Shane]

Little pasta diabolo.

[Ian]

Our next story. Today I messed up. I fell asleep in the bathtub. Scary.

[Shane]

Ooh, that is scary.

[Damien]

Ooh, pruney.

[Ian]

So I have the flu and a bunch of mini issues that came with that ear infection, nausea, headaches, and et cetera. So for the first time in a very long time, I decided I was gonna soak in a bath. I have like three bath bombs in the back of my bathroom cupboard I've had for maybe about two years because I usually shower, not bathe, and I decided I wanted to use the glittery peach one. To my horror, and apparently my husband's, that peach glitter bath bomb is neither peach nor glittery, but the closest red I've seen to blood. I'm soaking and I knock out. I must be a shallow breather from what I was told. I was faced away from the door and the way my hair draped down made me look as though I was face down in the water. Oh, I am a very, very, very heavy sleeper. I have like 20 morning alarms to wake up and still tend to get up late. So my husband touching my leg didn't wake me up, nor did his scream. And apparently my skin felt ice cold. My brother in law runs in and starts freaking out, running back to find his phone, and my husband tries to grab and hold me. I imagine this was very dramatic. And in that process, my head goes under the water for a second and I pop up because I got water in my nose. I'm confused as to why my husband is crying. My brother in law runs back in thanking God, and husband is trying to find out where the blood was coming from. I'm obviously terrified by the audience while I am butt naked in this bath. And as if it couldn't get worse, I was asleep so long the bubbles were gone, so I was just exposed. I yelled at them to get out and just stood up and showered. Definitely not a fan of this situation. Gonna stick to showers. Gonna avoid my brother in law for the rest of my life. We have a photo of the bath water and it's like a. Yeah, it's like a vodka sauce. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

[Shane]

Oh, my God, that's so sad.

[Ian]

That is awful.

[Shane]

It doesn't matter. Well, it does in the end, you know, but it doesn't matter if it's like, real or not. Your brain is experiencing that, like they Went through the trauma of finding your wife dead and bleeding in the bathtub. Like that happened to that person. That sucks. Yes. It's violating. When she was like, yeah, it sucks that I was naked too. I'm like, that does. But also.

[Ian]

But also, that's kind of bad. But we're gonna rank em.

[Shane]

It's like a little embarrassing, but, like, he was going through five stages of grief in one moment. Wailing.

[Ian]

Oh, my God. That is the king of all the mess ups that we've read about today. That is the worst one.

[Shane]

Yep.

[Ian]

I fell asleep in the bathtub and caused unrepairable trauma to my husband and brother in law.

[Damien]

On the plus side, now we know what our next April Fool's joke is gonna be for Smosh.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ian]

I've never been more grateful that we don't have a bathtub at Smosh yet.

[Shane]

I saw a little movie called Nightmare Before Christmas. They got ones with legs that can walk, and I think. I think that's what we need.

[Damien]

Ooh, I love that little clawfoot tub that crawls around.

[Shane]

Okay, I like that. Oh, I like that.

[Ian]

My God. Also just kind of dangerous to fall asleep in a bathtub.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's actually.

[Ian]

So I guess looking at the water here, it's. It's not too deep. Like, it's a little yellow. It must be a yellow.

[Damien]

It must be a damn good bath bomb.

[Shane]

I think she just had the flu real bad.

[Damien]

That does sound really nice. I want a bath right now.

[Shane]

I don't think I see what you're up to. And we're gonna find you dead. We think.

[Damien]

Ah, you got me.

[Ian]

You got me.

[Shane]

That's terrifying.

[Ian]

That's awful.

[Damien]

That is horrible.

[Ian]

That's really awful. Someone said, on the positive side, it's nice to know that your family love you and ran around like the proverbial decapitated chickens to help the best they could.

[Shane]

Well, yeah.

[Damien]

You don't have to. No, you don't have to love somebody to be horrified by thinking you're coming across a corpse.

[Shane]

Hey, Stephen, come look at this shit.

[Ian]

Oh, my God. Yep. That's so embarrassing.

[Shane]

Oh, dude. All right, who do we call for this?

[Ian]

Oh, my God. Her blood smells like peaches.

[Shane]

Op was told she needed to cut down on the sugar.

[Ian]

Opie responded, they are super loving. It's funny, because they're seriously assholes. Kind of bully me often, but when I'm sick or hurt, they both spring into action and help me in whatever way they can. Someone said, I work in 911 dispatch. If someone called and we were told what you described in this post. It would straight up go out to the firefighters as an obvious death. Lastly, someone said, could be worse. My friend fell asleep in the tub with it running and ruined like three apartments all at once. So it could have been expensive and embarrassing.

[Damien]

Damn.

[Shane]

Actually dying. Sorry.

[Ian]

Yeah. Yeah. Or actually dying. Wow. That might be the worst today I've messed up I've ever read. Like, I don't know how you mess up worse than that. I think in an innocent way. Right. As opposed to like there's Today Messed Ups where it's like, oh, I committed a crime. It's like, okay, she didn't technically do anything wrong. Nothing really actually happened as far as like Curb youb Enthusiasm types of things happen. Yeah, that is very probably the worst one I've ever read. Huge. Yeah. Yeah. I can't think of doing something worse than that. Yeah, without committing a crime, I could. Okay, cool. I'll save it. Okay, our final story. And this one is awesome. Okay, today I messed up by making a five Big Booms joke on a first date. Whaaaat?

[Shane]

Aw, is this you?

[Ian]

Oh, I'm so sorry you fell asleep in the bathtub. We'll give it a boom. Wow. I never thought I'd post on a subreddit like this, but I came back from a first date a couple of hours ago and I'm still feeling absolutely mortified. So maybe writing it out will feel cathartic. I, a 20 year old woman, recently downloaded Hinge for the first time and began swiping. I've never gone out on a date through a dating app before, so safe to say I was absolutely shitting bricks for tonight's first date with Brian, 22 year old man. Although we started talking off of the app prior to the date, we hadn't actually spoken on the phone, so I didn't really know what to expect in terms of how our conversation would flow in person. Fast forward to tonight and we ended up meeting at this cute paint bar. Everything was going great until the topic of pets was brought up. He noticed the lock screen of my cat and asked if it was mine. I said yes and asked about his pets. As I remembered, he had a pic with two dogs on his profile. He got out his phone to show me pictures of them and sadly told me how one of them, a white, crunchy looking Yorkie named Roxy, had recently passed after New Year's. Now I have no idea what possessed me in that moment. Maybe Satan. Maybe Satan. Maybe Roxy. But I simply responded. Aw, she Gets five big booms.

[Damien]

Oh, no. Oh, the brain rot. The brain rot.

[Shane]

No. If she died after New Year's, please tell me it doesn't have anything to do with fireworks.

[Damien]

Did she just sit there and go.

[Shane]

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom?

[Ian]

And then after that, he's like. He goes, what? She just goes. He weirdly looked at me and just went, what? It was in that moment I knew I fucked up. He didn't get the reference. I knew I had already shot myself in the foot when I said it, as I'm awful when it comes to sensitive topics like death or grieving. But I had hoped he'd let out a little laugh and we'd move on. But no. I initially tried sweeping it under the rug by saying, oh, it's nothing. It's just from this silly video. But he proceeded to ask me to show it to him. I awkwardly laughed and went, really? Really? So I opened up TikTok and showed him the clip, Brian. And I'm assuming Roxy Rip didn't find it funny. He just sat there and went, oh, I get it now. From that point, I knew the date was doomed, so I just gave him an apology.

[Damien]

The date got a doom.

[Ian]

Yeah, it got a doom. From that point, I knew the date was doomed, so I just gave him an apologetic smile and tried to make the most of things by placating the situation. Thankfully, we were wrapping up with our paintings by then. All in all, now I know not to try to lighten the mood of a grieving dog parent by bringing up a brain rot joke. Especially on a first date. Sorry, Brian. And sorry, Roxy. You deserve more than five big booms.

[Shane]

Um, especially on a last date, actually.

[Ian]

Yeah. Final date.

[Shane]

Final date.

[Damien]

I just love, like, having to explain Costco. Guys in the year 2025, it's all.

[Shane]

About the Rizzler now. Yeah, the Rizzler's taken over.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Cornered the market.

[Ian]

I gotta give people a little bit of grace on a first date. Like, if I'm on a first date and you're hitting it off and one awkward joke gets said, I'm like, we're nervous. Like, I think a great thing like when I used to when I was dating is, like, kind of establishing that you're nervous on a first date just being like, oh, my God, I'm so nervous. Like, this is so weird. Cause it is. Dates are weird, especially first dates. So, like, if you fuck up and say something like that, I'm like, come on, you didn't say something really insensitive?

[Shane]

No. And, like, I think there's always this pressure of trying to make yourself work for the other person. First date is like, let's try this out. Let's see how we interact. So, you know. Yeah, that. That was not the best thing to say about his dog passing, but there is somebody out there, hopefully that would be like, oh, my God, that's so funny. I love that, your humor. If you're not great with topics on death, they might not be either. That's how you both deal with it. You're not gonna work for Brian, 22.

[Ian]

You don't fail a date. It's just like, oh, you guys weren't a connection.

[Shane]

Exactly.

[Ian]

That's all it is.

[Damien]

And some people. Yeah, I mean, they don't deal with grief or loss in the same way as others. And some people use comedy.

[Ian]

Right? Exactly. It's just like, no, I mean, yeah, it's gotta match.

[Damien]

You just kinda get hit with, like, an unexpected. Cause I'm sure they weren't expecting that dog to be dead, and so they panicked and then, you know, went to brain rot.

[Ian]

And that's fair. And it's true. Like, I've met so many people that in the wake of, like, recent grief, will make a really dark joke.

[Damien]

Sure.

[Ian]

And you're just like, okay, like, that's how you're handling that for me.

[Shane]

I'll make a dark joke right off the bat for myself. But for other people, I really like to be like, maybe it's too vulnerable. Maybe someone doesn't want to talk yet. So if I was just like, hey, I'm really sorry about, you know, the loss of Roxy, your dog. Maybe they don't want that on a first date. And they're just like, ah, does not kill the vibe, you know?

[Ian]

Totally.

[Shane]

It's all about finding a match.

[Ian]

Totally.

[Damien]

Exactly. It's like, you know, you inhale some thorium, get bone cancer.

[Ian]

Exactly.

[Damien]

That's not very skibidy.

[Shane]

It's not pretty Ohio of you.

[Ian]

It's pretty Ohio. Some comments. This post gets five big booms that had 2,000 upvotes. Someone said, if my date said this about my dead cat, I think it was hilarious in its absurdity, to be honest. Yeah. Lastly, someone said, this is almost cringier than fucking to cbat. I don't get that reference.

[Damien]

What's the story?

[Ian]

Oh, yeah, Seabat. I forgot the name of it. Classic. Anyways, classic update.

[Shane]

Roxy's back.

[Damien]

She's now dating the father.

[Shane]

The father guy he buried in the cemetery back there, you know, gotta go up there and bury it in the cemetery.

[Damien]

I think it's Big Justice.

[Ian]

I think it's aj. Justice is the dad, right?

[Damien]

Oh, it's not Big Justice. Big justice is. Who's Little Justice? I gotta brush up on my Costco, guys. Lore, sorry.

[Ian]

All right, onto the update. Oh, my God. I'm a little terrified at how over 800,000 people viewed my story, but it looks like my faux pas made at least a few of you smile. So at least there's that. Brian, which, don't worry, isn't his real name. To all of our surprise, texted me this morning saying how he had a good time last night and would like to see me again. I guess the five Big Booms didn't scare him away after all. In all seriousness, though, thank you for the much needed laugh and for those who were Disappointed by my TikTok usage, try not to worry about the future generation too much. We can be driven and also enjoy an extremely dumb joke here and there. Nice.

[Shane]

That's sweet.

[Ian]

Yeah. Hey, that's good. Hey. Boom.

[Shane]

Of course we like a chocolate chunk cookie.

[Ian]

Wow. Well, it all worked out. Yeah, pretty cool.

[Damien]

We haven't checked up on the thorium guy.

[Ian]

No, we don't know if that worked out.

[Shane]

That one sounds like it'll be okay.

[Ian]

With the happiness situation, given The Half Life 3.

[Shane]

Oh, well, no, the Half Life is.

[Damien]

Oh, and this is where we announce it. Guys, it's coming.

[Ian]

It's coming. And it's a Smosh exclusive.

[Shane]

And it's also only gonna be on VR that you don't own.

[Damien]

And I'm Gordon Freeman.

[Shane]

He's Gordon Freeman.

[Ian]

You are. That is Lore.

[Damien]

That's what we're announcing today.

[Ian]

Thank you both for being here. Thank you for not messing this up.

[Shane]

There's still time, but thank you. Okay, yeah, thanks for dealing with my slightly less than normal voice.

[Damien]

I forgot about it. Is this now your normal voice?

[Ian]

This is what your normal voice sounds like now.

[Shane]

Okay. Change is weird, but I think I'm okay with it.

[Ian]

All right, awesome. Thank you for watching. And let us know what are the themes and subreddits you'd like to see on this show. And let us know your big mess ups down in the comments below, and we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye.

[Unknown]

You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use indeed. Stop struggling to get your job post seen on other job sites with INDEED sponsored jobs. Your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, Sponsored jobs posted directly on indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs Sponsored Jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility@ Indeed.com kidsandfamily just go to Indeed.com kidsandfamily right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.