Snap Judgment: "How Will I Know? / Fever"

Date: February 12, 2026
Host: Glynn Washington
Produced By: Snap Judgment & PRX

Episode Overview

This emotionally resonant episode of Snap Judgment, part of the “Fever” series, explores love’s lingering imprints through two deeply personal stories. The first, "How Will I Know?", by Laura Packer, traverses the journey of intimacy, grief, and supernatural signs after the loss of a partner. The second, "Fever," crosses time as Peter Lang Stanton uncovers unknown chapters of his deceased mother’s life via her former lover—a story of secrets, longing, and the mysteries of truly knowing another person.

Key Stories & Discussion Points

1. "How Will I Know?" – Laura Packer’s Story of Love, Loss, and Signs

[03:46 – 24:42]

Building a Life Together

• Laura and Kevin evolved from best friends to devoted partners. Their relationship was filled with warmth, humor, and everyday intimacy.
• Their wedding was joyful and unconventional: “I was barefoot because I don’t like wearing shoes. Kevin was wearing a pair of jeans and one of his Hawaiian shirts.” (Laura, [05:20])

The Mundane Becomes Memory

• Laura shares loving, funny details—burping, farting, teasing each other about smells—contrasted with home life’s comfort and irritations (the infamous open kitchen cabinets).
• “If he let one loose that was really bad, I would usually ask him if something had crawled up his butt and died.” (Laura, [07:40])

Sudden Illness and Loss

• Within months of moving into their house, Kevin is stricken with back and stomach pain. A devastating diagnosis follows: pancreatic cancer.
• “About half an hour later two doctors walked in and closed the door and told us, people don’t come back from pancreatic cancer.” (Laura, [09:40])
• Facing mortality, Laura asks Kevin about the afterlife. His reply: “Someplace beautiful.” (Laura, [10:45])
• Laura pleads: “I asked him to let me know that he was okay if he could… you’re gonna have to make it really obvious, right? Because I’m tentative about this stuff.” (Laura, [11:09]) He laughs and promises.

Signs and Supernatural Reassurance

• After Kevin’s death, Laura’s house seems filled with odd events:
  • At a memorial toast, Kevin’s photo falls face down: “There was a beat after the picture fell over when everyone was quiet. One friend came over to me and said, did you see that? I think that was Kevin.” (Laura, [13:45])
  • Cardinals—said to be visitors from the dead—appear persistently outside her home.
  • One night Laura is overwhelmed by Kevin’s distinct smell: “I was smelling Kevin’s farts… I just knew it was his smell.” (Laura, [16:46])
  • The most striking sign: every cabinet in the kitchen was left open—impossible, given her reach. “I started laughing and crying at the same time. He knew it had to be really obvious, so he made it really obvious.” (Laura, [17:40])

Moving On, Continuing Love

• Synchronicities continue—a neighbor passes on a mysterious “Kevin says hi”, a stranger at the beach gives the exact comfort she needs, and somehow knows Kevin’s name.
• Laura reflects: “Every time one of these strange things has happened, I feel this joy and sorrow at the same time... But I wouldn’t turn it away. I would never turn it away. I don’t hear from him much these days, but it’s OK. Wherever he is, he’s OK. And I get to be OK, too.” (Laura, [23:31])

Memorable Quote

• “I knew that he continued in some way and that all the love that I still felt for him was not just echoing in an empty universe.” (Laura, [18:12])

2. "Fever" – Peter Lang Stanton’s Journey Through His Mother’s Secrets

[28:05 – 55:14]

Life Takes Over: Unpacking a Mother’s Past

• Peter recalls his mother Mara’s favorite phrase: “Life takes over.” (Peter, [28:41]) She used it to explain detours from her dreams—painting, friendships—for the responsibilities of family.
• After her death, Peter is contacted by Francesco, a man who reveals himself as Mara’s passionate Italian lover from decades before.

The Mystery of Mara

• Peter describes childhood photo albums of his mom and Francesco, “gallivanting all over Europe. They’re like in each other’s arms in Milan and on trains. And they look happy—in love. Totally in love.” (Peter, [30:04])
• Peter wrestles with not knowing this version of his mother: “None of this resembles the mother I knew... I always felt like she was a big faker.” (Peter, [31:03])
• Mara was a secretive CIA case officer, and her reticence colored family life.
• Peter’s conversations with Francesco uncover a persistent, unresolved love that shaped his mother’s inner world.

Discoveries and Difficult Truths

• Francesco reveals the depth of their relationship—including three abortions, for financial and life reasons: “There’s a weird symmetry between my mother’s alternate Italian life and then the life she actually had with the three of us.” (Peter, [44:31])
• Peter’s realization: “What I’m hearing is just how close I came to not existing. That whole life path that I exist in, it gets pruned.” (Peter, [44:41])

Parallel Lives and Emotional Disconnect

• Peter sees a new perspective: his mother as an outsider, both in her marriage and family. “She didn’t belong somehow in her own family… In this house, we obey the law.” (Peter, [46:13])
• Brother Will recalls their mother threatening to leave the family, paralleling the timeline when Mara reconnected with Francesco: “I don’t have the memory of her being the outsider or her not fitting in... but I do have, like, distinct memories of her saying that explicitly.” (Will, [47:29])

Secret Reunion, Enduring Feelings

• Francesco describes a clandestine reunion in 1995: “It was more just that she was there and it would have been nice to catch up... But he thinks she still potentially had feelings for him. She was like, stroking his hand.” (Francesco, [49:55])
• This display of intimacy is unthinkable to Peter and Will: “Growing up, we never saw my parents stroking each other’s hands. Can you imagine that?” (Peter, [50:34])

Seeking Connection, Letting Go

• After the call with Francesco, Peter reads his mother’s diary: “They don’t get that I’m not just Mom. I’m a human being. She almost felt, like, dehumanized or something.” (Peter, [52:01])
• In the basement, Peter discovers bins of his childhood artwork, painstakingly saved, testifying to the love his mother did pour into her real, chosen life.
• “Here in half a dozen Rubbermaids was the evidence of the life that took over, a life she’d chosen to stay in.” (Peter, [54:50])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Laura Packer, on grief and love:
  “Joy and sorrow at the same time. This joy that he chose to do this and this awe that he did it. And then this wave of grief that he wasn’t there. But I wouldn’t turn it away. I would never turn it away.” ([23:27])
• Peter Lang Stanton, on his mother’s phrase:
  “The more she said it, the more it confused me. How could life take over? Wasn’t life just all of it, everything that happened?” ([28:55])
• Francesco, on love persisting:
  “I still love her because I believe that when we die, we will meet again in heaven.” ([38:55])
• Peter, discovering the maternal disconnect:
  “They don’t get that I’m not just Mom. I’m a human being. She almost felt, like, dehumanized or something.” ([52:01])

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:46] Laura begins her story of falling in love with Kevin
• [09:35] Kevin’s cancer diagnosis and promise about the afterlife
• [13:45 – 18:12] Supernatural signs: the falling photo, cardinals, cabinet doors, and Kevin’s “presence”
• [28:41] Peter introduces his mother’s catchphrase and her secret lover, Francesco
• [41:34] Peter’s phone call with Francesco, revealing more intimate details
• [44:02] Revelation of the three abortions, prompting existential reflection
• [47:14] Brother Will recalls childhood moments with their mother and her emotional distance
• [49:55] Francesco recounts the secret reunion and Mara’s ongoing feelings
• [51:43 – 52:10] Insights from Mara’s diary about her role as mother and personhood
• [54:50] Final reflection: bins of childhood art as evidence of a mother’s enduring love

Tone & Storytelling Style

• Lyrical, vivid, and emotionally raw: Intimate anecdotes, wry observations, and moments of everyday comfort, delivered with humor and deep feeling.
• The hosts and storytellers preserve complexity—grief coexists with joy, longing with gratitude, and mysteries with mundane details.
• Musical score and sound design enhance the cinematic quality but never overshadow the humanity of the stories.

Conclusion

This episode of Snap Judgment masterfully blends the supernatural and the practical, tying the fever of love, memory, and longing across realities and generations. Laura’s and Peter’s stories gently remind listeners that the people we love—and lose—continue to shape our stories in ways both visible and unseen.

Listen to the full "Fever" series and discover more at SnapJudgment.org or wherever you get your podcasts.