Ken Jones (5:05)

Back when I was a kid, we just wanted to do our own thing. You just don't want to work a 9 to 5. We saw examples of older men in front of us that were miserable with their careers or jobs or businesses that they had, but they had to do it. They had to provide for their families. If you're not working a 9 to 5, there's not too many options in the hood. You're selling weed, coke, scamming. And I was horrible at all of those things. I got robbed, came home, and my apartment was just ransacked. My friends, they found out who did it, and they're like, yo, you want to go ahead and handle him? I'm like, this guy gotta die now because I lost, like $800. I'll take a pass on killing him. Like, I didn't have all the qualifications to be a good drug dealer. So I tried a bunch of stuff, man. I tried cleaning business. I did telemarketing for about three years. Got into collections. Collections is easy. You sit at a cubicle and you just get cussed out all day long. I wasn't good at collecting the money. I was kind of like the funny guy at work. And I just started playing around with comedy, going to open mics. One day, man, I'm at my desk. They called me into the conference room. They pulled me, and they said, we're gonna let you go. I'm like, oh, wow. So they walked me over to my cubicle. So the head of the company, he's right over my shoulder, and he says, maybe it's a good time for you to start that comedy thing. I'm putting pictures of my. My family in the box. I'm just like, okay, thank you, man. I mean, I'm living in Philly and I'm on unemployment. I didn't have anything else to really do, so I had to actually try out comedy. I knew a few promoters and stuff like that. And one of those promoters was a guy named Rail. Now, let me tell you a little bit about Rel. He wasn't a comedian, but he produced a bunch of comedy shows around Philly at that time. And, like, he found the venues, hired the comics, worked out the money. He got big names, like people you've heard of, you know what I mean? He seemed connected in the business, and he provided opportunities for young comics. So one day, this guy Rel, he comes to me with this deal. He has a comedy show going on in South Carolina, Greenville in August with Cool Bubba Ice. And he's amazing. He's been on, like, bg, Comic View and stuff like that. He's been on a bunch of hit shows. So then I get home, my house all wrecked up. Cause I got a dog and a cat, and they never get along. My cat acts like Tony Montana from Scarface. I'm a third something man under Pussycat, okay? And then you got Reginald Ballard, who played Bruhman on the hit show Martin on Fox. Y'all just don't know how to eat. I scraped the mold right off and sure enough had me a wish sandwich.

Lamar Todd (8:08)

What's a wish sandwich, bro?

Ken Jones (8:09)

Man, wish I had some meat to go up on it. And real, he's like, hey, you can take this ride with me. You can do a few minutes. At the top of the show, I couldn't believe I was getting a chance to perform with Bruhman. I mean, Bruhman was not just, like, famous. He was like an icon, especially in black community. I was like, let's do this. Then he told me, hey, you know any other comedians that you want to rock out with on there? Because I could probably use about two more openers. Oh, my God. I get to put my boys on, too. First two people I thought of was my boy, Matt Black.

Lamar Todd (8:48)

So Lamar calls me, right? He like, yo, bro, you ready? So I was like, all right. Yeah, I'm ready. What's up?

Ken Jones (8:55)

And my friend, Ken Jones. What up, doe? I'm Ken Jones, comedian. At this point, nobody's asking about how much we're getting paid anything. We just happy. Just get me into action. So here's the plan. Rel is going to pick us up from Philly and drive us all the way to Greenville, South Carolina. So in the morning, we're supposed to leave. I got all my bags packed and everything. I got my notebook, and I got my comedy bible. A book by Judy Carter that changed my whole writing style. Introduced me to how to write about myself. My girlfriend is wishing me A goodbye. I say bye to my pets. I never leave the house. You know what I mean? So I'm excited. I see this car pull up, man. There was a white car wrapped with Rel's face all the way around it. And his logo, 95 North. Real big and diamonds wrapped around the front. And it was a small car. It was like a Chevy Cabal or something like that, man. I guess this is what you do at this level, you know what I mean? It's another level that I don't know about where you wrap your face around cars. I can't ask too many questions. Who am I? I just started comedy. I just put that to the side and just hopped in for the ride. Now it's time to go get Matt.

Lamar Todd (10:13)

I knew this was real because this man pulled up with his face on the side of the vehicle. I was in awe. It ain't Brum man face or Cool Bubba Ice. I thought he was that big that he could do that. Get my bags beginning. It's Rel driving. No, Lamar's driving. And Rel's in the passenger seat. Like the boss. He is.

Ken Jones (10:39)

And Ken and Matt are in the back. The mood is cool. It's a sunny day. We're pumped up. I used to make beats back in the day. Me, Ken and Matt, like, freestyle. All for the beats. Never before seen. Never before seen. That's what we kept seeing. Never before seen.

Lamar Todd (10:54)

Me and my team, never before seen. We on the scene. And for some reason that stuck in Lamar's head. Never before seen. We was just so happy. It didn't matter what it was.

Ken Jones (11:03)

Joking about, hip hop, teasing each other. I used to wear suit jackets and stuff like that. I thought this was what a comic looked like. Matt brought up this one time. I had on a plaid tie and a plaid blazer. He said that I look like a ventriloquist. Matt is fun to make fun of because I am also from the streets, but I wasn't as active in those territories as Matthew was. There's a sense when sometimes his phone number just changes. No lie. I have about eight black phone numbers. He still had a Rottweiler, and he was always available during the day. Rel was kind of quiet, kind of laughing or kind of participating. And he's in his phone, too. He must be handling, like, some deals over here on his phone. And now, here's the other thing you need to know about Rel. The main thing is that he looks just like a very famous comedian named Kevin Hart.

Lamar Todd (12:05)

Just like Kevin Hart.

Ken Jones (12:06)

Like a chubby Kevin Hart. And no one is sure exactly what the relationship is, but they have to be related. And the reason I think that is because Rel has a picture with Kev on his Facebook page, like his profile picture. And he's, like, hugged up with Kevin Hart in the picture. They're like brothers in the picture, but it's just something you just don't ask because you don't know him. And I want to kind of play it cool.

Lamar Todd (12:33)

Sky is obviously connected. He's with Kevin Hart. Kev's from North Philly. Everybody know he had a brother in North Philly. He knows how to not talk. He knows that he's this enigma. And he allowed everybody to just assume what they wanted to assume.

Ken Jones (12:56)

We get there to the hotel in South Carolina, and we find out that Cool Bubba Bice is at the airport, but he doesn't have a ride to the hotel. I'm thinking, like, you know, all this stuff is taken care of. Matt and Rel, they go to the airport to go pick up Bruhman and Kuba Ice.

Lamar Todd (13:16)

We pull up in a Rail Mobile. Bruhman was upset. He wouldn't look up out of his phone when he talked, and he didn't even want to look at this guy. He just said, wow, Cool Bubba Ice showed up, sees the car, and they're like, we're not driving in that. I must admit, now, it didn't seem as next level when Brother man pointed it out.

Ken Jones (13:40)

When Mac gets back to the hotel, he tells me he ended up having to pay $112 to put Broman and Cool Bubba Ice in the cab because they didn't want to ride in the Rail Mobile. And I'm like, why are you paying for his cab? We're not even getting paid for anything here. But I don't want to mess anything up before the show. And I'm assuming that Rel is going to cover this. So now it's time for the show. Me and Matt, we sharing the room together. We getting fresh. It's smelling like a whole lot of cologne and conditioners in there. And then they give us a call, your riders outside, like, what's going to be out there? You know what I mean? Like another cab. We happen in the Rail Mobile. No, no, no, no. We get downstairs to the lobby and there's a Ben's SUV waiting for us outside.

Lamar Todd (14:32)

This is definitely not for us. And it was. We jumped in the car, man. Boom, boom.

Ken Jones (14:39)

Oh, man. Nice little peanut butter leather seats. I know I haven't done a whole lot in the comedy game. But right now is our time. So we pull up to the club. Man, Bruhman made an appearance on the radio station and there was a line outside. Go through security. One of the security guards was this big light skinned dude, like, who just looked kind of angry.

Lamar Todd (15:02)

I walk by these light skinned cats and I look at him and he's so pensive. I'm like, you got all the accessories. Everybody laughed and he just did not laugh.

Ken Jones (15:13)

The audience is in there. They're packed. I see a flyer on the table. There is a picture of Kevin Hart there for his book signing that he has the next day, that Sunday. So I'm like, man, Kevin Hart coming here the next day? This is going to be crazy. This weekend is lit.

Lamar Todd (15:29)

They escort us to a vip which is in the center of the length of the club, behind this sheer curtain like golden child. So we go down there and we sit. They start bringing us champagne and whole bottles of liquor. We was just living it up until our time to perform. Tilt. They announced Kevin Hart's brother is in the house. And he's bringing y'all these comedians. We're gonna have a great time. And I'm like, yeah, bet, man. I'm rolling with Kevin Hart's brother.

Glen Washington (16:12)

When Snap returns, Lamar and his buddies take the stage. Stay tuned. Welcome back to Snap Judgment, the We have a problem episode. Last we left, the Rel mobile had finally delivered Lamar and his friends to the South Carolina Comedy Club. Please ignore any and all red flags posted along the way because this is amping up to be the very best night of their lives. Snap Judgment.

Ken Jones (16:53)

I host it. I just wake up the crowd. I do this thing called Let me see those hands. It's like a reference to a song. Let me see those hands. Let me see those hands. Let me see those hands. Let me see it.

Matt Black (17:02)

Come on.

Ken Jones (17:03)

Hold up. The audience replies and they say, wait a minute. Yo, man, that song get on my nerves, man. They make everybody put your hands in the air for stuff that nobody else needs to know about, like how much money I got. You got a hundred dollar bill, put your hands up. You got a 50 bill, put your hands up. You got an EBT card. Put your hands up. It works every time. And it's like, okay, you guys are with me now. Let me try these other jokes.

Lamar Todd (17:31)

The lineup was Ken go up first, I go up second.

Ken Jones (17:35)

Cool.

Lamar Todd (17:35)

Bubba Ice will go up third, and we'll bring it home with Bruh.

Ken Jones (17:38)

Man, Ken had a lot on his mind. Just our environment, South Carolina, the club. I had A chair. And I kept slamming that chair down for no reason. I talked about the whole venue. I talked about the whole ride, the trip. But it was a great show. Right after that, Matt got up, talked about just real hood stuff. Talking about getting pulled over from the cops, Talked about his time in prison, and talked about prison phone calls.

Lamar Todd (18:04)

J Play is taking over, but they gotta have minutes. If you ain't got no minutes, then you chill up. But they got a little trick they do now.

Ken Jones (18:12)

Got a little trick.

Lamar Todd (18:14)

When the operator come in, you supposed to say your name. They be like, you have a collect call from. Tell my mom don't come up. And they made all of this. The State Correctional Facility at Frankfurt.

Ken Jones (18:31)

Rel is in the back talking to the owners of the club. He's not paying too much attention to the actual show. I think he's always thinking about his next move. Cool Bubba Ice. He does impressions, he does sound effects. It's like a black Jim Carrey type of thing. If you say Cool Bubba Vice to a black comic, they know just who you're talking about. He's always booked on a circuit. This is kiddling circuit from way back in the day. White people, they got their little circuit too. I don't know what they call it. It's like pumpkin spice circuit. So now it's time to bring up Bruhman, ladies and gentlemen, coming to the stage, this guy right here, you seen him on the hit show Martin, and you've all seen him on the Bernie Mac show. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together right now. Start clapping right now. Start clapping right now. Start clapping right now. You, you, you. Start clapping right now. Give it up for Mr. Reginald Ballard. AK Robin. And then he comes back, he's like, hey, y'all. He got up there and it was a totally different vibe than Kuba Bias. He was calm. He brought the audience down to his level. And more people were listening. Kills the set closes out and we all rush up to the stage, we take our pictures. We're all chilling with Bruh man. Now. I got my picture for Instagram, so. So I grabbed the microphone, I said, shout out to Cool Bubba. Hey, shout out to bro man. Shout out to Matt Black and Ken. Everybody give it up for them. And ladies and gentlemen, we just getting this thing started. Cause, you know, after the party, it's time for the after party. Hit it. Dj. Let dj hit it.

Lamar Todd (20:17)

We kicked in at VIP the rest of the night. Lil had a little lady, went back to the hotel and called it a night. The next morning, I'm laying in bed, I'm like, wow, man, this really happened. You know what I'm saying?

Ken Jones (20:40)

We woke up, I forgot Matt could cut hair. Matt had clippers with him. He gave me a shape up. And so everything was just chilling. So we get a knock at the door. Oh, housekeeping is here. Kind of early, Matt. Guess the door is not housekeeping.

Lamar Todd (20:57)

Jump up and it's Rel.

Ken Jones (20:59)

Rel looking pretty rough to say the least. El shirt on.

Lamar Todd (21:06)

And Rel says, we have a problem.

Ken Jones (21:12)

We have a problem. He's saying that standing there with no shirt on. What the hell does we mean? We just got a haircut and we are about to go ahead and get some waffles, but we don't have problems.

Lamar Todd (21:27)

And at this point I'm like, it could be a plethora of things.

Ken Jones (21:32)

You're standing here and his nipples is.

Lamar Todd (21:34)

Out talking about, we have a problem.

Ken Jones (21:37)

And then my motto, like, no, you do.

Matt Black (21:39)

You're not dressed.

Lamar Todd (21:44)

So I say, okay, what's wrong? Rel said, come on, man, these dudes got my keys, got my id.

Ken Jones (21:52)

He's saying that the club owner took his ID and his keys. I'm like, yeah, so why do they do that? And he's like, man, I don't know. This sounds like a you problem right here. Matt still, man. He goes out there to help Rel. I feel obligated to go ahead and make sure Matt's okay. So I walk out into the hallway. I'm following Matt.

Lamar Todd (22:17)

Rel kind of leads me. I'm thinking he got robbed. I'm thinking something like the girl took off with his stuff. What I was actually about to witness was not in my head. Once I got up to the elevators, we were standing in the foyer. So of course Lamar, Ken and myself was there.

Ken Jones (22:40)

We're on the third floor and this is where the elevators are. In the hallway in the middle of that are five people. One of them being rail. Another was a club owner. And I saw the light skinned security guy from the club last night. And I also saw a guy with one army. I don't know how the arm was missing, but he looked kind of dangerous. It looked like he wasn't scared of losing another arm.

Lamar Todd (23:11)

The one armed guy said, we try to talk about this money. They were the money people, financiers or backers or whoever they were.

Ken Jones (23:23)

The whole thing looks just bad. For real. Matt is talking to the security guy and the owner. We need this stuff because it's very serious that we have a license and keys to get back home. We Four black men driving in a Chevy Cobalt with a black face wrapped around it. I had the fear of getting pulled over by a cop. Ken's right up the hallway. He's standing off. And Ken is being Ken, trying to make a joke about everything, trying to lighten up the mood. And he says, hey, I got girls in candy, y'all. We ain't gotta do all this. We could all have a good time. And it was dead silent. It was like a little kid just yelling out random stuff. I'm like, yo, dude, not the time.

Lamar Todd (24:13)

Lamar Lindley, I've seen him this serious ever.

Ken Jones (24:17)

And that's when I saw the security guard had a gun on him.

Lamar Todd (24:23)

The light skinned guy that I thought was a little too serious, his gun wasn't. At that point, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is definitely a problem.

Ken Jones (24:35)

What are we supposed to do? So the club owner was like, yo, man, do you think you can get him to take down that tweet? And Rel was like, it's kind of hard getting in touch with him right now, but I'm going to get Kevin to, you know, take care of it. So I realized they talking about a tweet from Kevin Hart. Ken actually shows us a tweet from Kev. Kevin Hart posted, hey, I'm in Toronto, not going to be in South Carolina doing a book signing at all. And he said that he has nothing to do with it. The club owner was like, hey, man, Kev was never coming. It's all starting to come together now. All the tumblers falling into place. Rel convinced the club that he was Kevin Hart's brother based on his resemblance in that Facebook picture. And Rel got money for the show by promising Kev was gonna be there for a meet and greet the next day. And then he planned to leave before they discovered that Rel had no relationship to Kev. But Kevin Hart's tweet, it blew his whole cover. Come to find out, man, rel received about $8,000. And at the time, Kev, he was doing arenas and huge theaters. There's no way he's going to do a meet and greet for 300 people in a club in South Carolina. And I had to take a look at myself because I actually believe that this could happen. It was a real awakening about just where I was in the game of comedy.

Lamar Todd (26:07)

The club owner is saying, you played us. And, you know, they accused us. They said, y'all know he ain't no Kevin Hart brother. I said, I thought he was something, his cousin or something. And when it came out, it sounded stupid. I said, excuse me, do we all not see this man with a gun out? And I was serious. I was getting upset. Like, why do you have a gun out on comics?

Ken Jones (26:35)

The one armed guy is like, yo, you don't need to worry about that. We all seen guns before. Oh, my goodness. We are dealing with people who are not worried about firearms.

Glen Washington (26:47)

I'm serious.

Lamar Todd (26:47)

This is like, we've done so elevator door opens up. The security guy was with the club owner. They make their way to the elevator, and this is where it gets really, really scary.

Ken Jones (27:03)

They still got real stuff. I was definitely feeling nervous. I'm never, like, the tough guy that stands up for everybody. That's why I worked in collections. That's why I did telemarketing. I don't like doing tough stuff, man. And I feel bad because I brought these guys down there. So I walk over to the elevator and stand in the doors before they shut, and I say, hey, you all can't leave. So when I get nervous, I, like, put my hands in my pockets. And when I got my hands on my pocket, man, I'm like, hey, we need that id. We need these keys. We can't go home without that.

Lamar Todd (27:43)

Like, to be honest with you, at this point, I really wanted to bail. This is a bad situation. I'm old enough to know that this is not going to go well. And this guy's itching. This guy doesn't like. Funny. I'm watching the gunman. Like, at this point, I'm staying because it's Lamar in there.

Ken Jones (28:01)

And the owner looks at me with my hands in my pocket and looks over at the security guard and says, hey, I don't know what this guy's doing with his hands in his pockets. The club owner was like, you already took a picture of it anyway. I'm like, took a picture of it. What? I really don't understand what they was talking about. But later I saw what they meant about the picture. They had broken into Rel's hotel room and took a photo of Rel while he was sleeping in the bed with the ID right next to his face. They posted it online with a caption that read, beware of janky promoters. But at the time, standing in the elevator, I just knew they gotten what they needed. So they actually give me the keys and the ID and they went down the elevator. I'm like, good day, gentlemen. Now we're left with the dude with one arm missing and the other guy with him. The one armed guy happens to be A bail bondsman who has some sponsorship in the show. And the other dude is a promoter from Georgia. And they're still talking to Rel about possible deals. They're still optimistic about future engagements.

Lamar Todd (29:24)

And they told Rel this is still salvageable. And I'm saying to myself, let's go. Like, we're done with this. They say, man, can you deliver something? What about Mike Epps? And he was like, I could do Mike Epps. And I almost threw up. I was that sick at that point.

Ken Jones (29:43)

Now they're all talking about whether Mike Epps is going to come down here. And now it is time to go. We just want to get on the road and get back home.

Lamar Todd (29:53)

We just went down about a hotel and, you know, packed up and we left. It was over, man. It was over.

Ken Jones (30:04)

This ride home is a lot different from the ride up. The mood was down. We didn't feel like rock stars anymore. I'm pretty sure Rella was embarrassed at this time. He's not saying the damn thing. No one asked him about it either. It's just like a quiet ride back.

Lamar Todd (30:21)

We were quiet. That's all I remember.

Ken Jones (30:23)

Quiet. That was the quietest ride. Yeah.

Lamar Todd (30:29)

I've been trying to forget these moments.

Ken Jones (30:31)

Of my life for a long time. So as a kid, I mean, I just wanted to go ahead and get a bag. I just wanted to get cash by any means necessary. After this trip, seeing out scammer actually scam something that I care about at the expense of yourself, your own reputation and the comedians that are with you. It's just like, wait a minute. I can do this the right way. When I got out of the car that night, I reached for my comedy Bible, and I notice I don't have it in my bag. So, like, I'm looking again. I'm like, rel took it. He was the only one that could Took it. Not only did you steal my time and my dignity, but you stole my comedy Bible. So I pick up my bag, I walk to the side of the door. I just look at that rat vehicle with his face on it. No goodbyes, none of that. I just slam the door. Did you ever find out later how Rel got that Facebook photo with Kevin? I'm pretty sure he got that at the Laugh House Comedy Club where Kevin Hart started. Kevin's very approachable. Kevin Hart takes pictures with fans all the time. But I have a real picture with Kevin Hart. Yeah. Years later, I got a phone call. They said, I need you at Punchline Comedy Club tonight. There's a special event. I get there, Kev's there, and I'm opening up for Kev. My heart was racing and everything just to see this guy, just to know that, hey, do you know that I was on a flyer with you before? He told me he likes my set. I didn't keep the conversation too long. I took a picture with him, like, hugged up just like how Rel was on his picture.

Glen Washington (32:53)

Big, big. Thanks to Lamar Todd for sharing his story with the Snap. Lamar Todd is a standup comedian and a featured judge at First Person Arts in Philadelphia. You can find out more about his tour dates and current exploits on Instagram and X. We'll have those links in our show notes. Matt Black and Ken Jones. They are also lighting up comedy stages around the country with links to all things Matt and Ken in the show notes as well. The original music for that story was by Clay Xavier. It was produced by Justin Cremon. Now after the break, we're headed to Honolulu for a tour and a takedown.

Lamar Todd (33:45)

Stay tuned.

Glen Washington (34:04)

Welcome back to Snap Judgment. My name is Glenn Washington, and some of you will recognize our next storyteller, Lupaka Kapanui. He's a regular on our sister show Spook. But today, Lupaka is here to share a different type of tale. No monsters involved. It's a Saturday night back in 2001. Lupaka has just arrived at his job, a guide on a ghost tour. He's got a bus full of tourists who have paid good money to be driven around town and told stories about the hauntings and legends of Honolulu. But there's just one problem. Step judgment.

Matt Black (34:55)

I'm walking on the bus and my stomach's in a knot. My mouth is dry. My dilemma is this. I'm not just a ghost tour guide. I'm a professional wrestler. My wrestling name at the time is Johnny All Black. And I have a wrestling match that I have to go to my boss's secretary. When I would have wrestling matches, I would tell her, try not to schedule me on this particular Saturday. I've got a match. And so up until then, it worked out. But on this particular night, I let her know that I needed that night off and she scheduled it anyway. So now I'm screwed. Everyone's on the bus. Richard, the driver, looks at me and says, are you ready? Richard has started the bus. We're rolling out of the parking lot. Normally, the first stop is the old Wako Tea House, where people see the Japanese waitress and the white kimono with no face. The second stop is on the foundation of A massive temple of human sacrifice. The third stop is the oldest Chinese cemetery in the islands. And I look at this full bus of people sitting there, I'm basically figuring, you know, what's worth it. Missing the wrestling match and just doing the tour and keeping this job. Or do I do the match, not do the tour. The ghost tour job pays more. And you know, I was brought on by my mentor to take over these tours because he was moving on to other things. And he's not just my mentor, he's like my father figure and he depends on me. So I can't let him down and I can't let down the old man who's booking the show. Because this match tonight with this kid Kaimana is the culmination of several matches to get this kid to where he needs to go. He's gonna be the face, he's gonna be the ace of the company, you know, carry the business. I am the bad guy. I'm the ultimate bad guy. I'm the ultimate heel. And I put in all this time, work, effort to get him to be the guy that everybody loves. And if I don't show, my reputation is done. So I can't bail out on that either. And so I decide right then and there, I grab the microphone, take a breath and say, folks, I have a situation. I'm booked for a wrestling match right now. I can't get out of it and I can't get out of doing this ghost tour. So we are going to go to that wrestling match. There was a tourist couple, they were middle aged, from Wichita. I specifically remember their facial expressions, like wide eyed, mouth open, looking at me and then looking at each other. And I could see them mouth the words, this is crazy. There's nervous laughter. And I said, unfortunately, my friends, I'm not joking. This is what's going to happen. And we're on the way. This route is new, modern, swank places mixed together with older places, mom and pop stores, hula stores that sell grass skirts and all those things, old Polynesian type restaurants. But at that point, those things are not important to me. It's the last thing I care about. All I'm worried about is please, please, please, no red lights. People are asking me questions which I can't really answer because I'm on the phone with the booker and you know, trying to get us there on time. So I put my finger out, just emphasizing to them that I don't have time for questions because we have 30 minutes to get. Normally I get to a match anywhere from an hour to two hours ahead of time. So I'm on edge, my fists are clenched tightly. We gotta get there. Finally, we get to the venue, the door to the bus opens and I've got five minutes. I called on the cell phone from the bus to the venue, worked it out, and I say to the people on the bus, get in, sit on the front row. I'm gonna go downstairs, talk to the booker, gonna come upstairs, slide into the ring, beat the guy up, 1, 2, 3, get the pin, get the belt, get out. As soon as I'm out of the ring, you guys go back to the bus. I'll be there in a couple of seconds and we'll start the Ghost tour. There's a lot of, oh my gods, what the hells. Like this is actually happening. But I'm already running through the parking lot, in through the door and downstairs to the locker room. The promoter and the booker and Kaimana see me running down the stairs and they're yelling at me, son of a bitch, let's go. So I get to my locker room, the heel locker room. Kaimana goes to the good guy locker room. The booker and the promoter, they're giving me what the stink is, what the rundown is going to be very quickly. Normally I'm in my Johnny All Black get up spandex tights, shoot boots, knee pads, a black shirt that says Johnny All Black, technical spectacle. And that was a big Motley Crue fan. Back then. I loved Nikki Sixx. So yeah, I wore the Nikki Sixx mullet that was part of the costume. But tonight I only have the mullet. There's no time, no costume. I just gotta work out the match in the locker room, head straight into the ring in my Ghost tour guide getup, jeans, Doc Martens and an overshirt. The promoter and the booker, with much disgust, just waved me out of the locker room as if to say, just get the hell out of here and just go do your thing. I walk up the steps, just inside the doorway so nobody can see me, and I wait for my entrance music to come on. The gym itself is pretty huge. It's packed right up to the rafters. From where I'm standing, I can see the people on the GOES tour. I see them all in the front row and Kaimana's already in the ring. He's wearing this sleeveless sheer top with these pleather pants. He's saying to the mic, I am not leaving this ring until Johnny All Black gets out here. The crowd is totally behind him, 100% k ma na kaimana. I have never gone into a match with this little preparation. It's never happened. But I'm doing my best to channel the energy of Johnny All Black and who he's all about. He comes from a life of hard times. Nothing's easy, has to live hand to mouth. Johnny All Black's mantra went like this. I have a bad attitude and I piss battery acid. That's what I'm saying again and again. I have a bad attitude and I piss battery acid. I have a bad attitude and I piss battery acid. I have a bad attitude and I piss battery acid.

Ken Jones (43:03)

Acid. Acid.

Matt Black (43:05)

And then music hits. The song I used back then was Lenny Kravitz. Are you gonna go my way? That's the cue. And I run out to the ring. People are screaming at me, calling me all these horrific names, just horrible things. My thing was to ignore them because Johnny All Black is too good to acknowledge these kinds of people. Kaimana has a chair and he's gonna hit me with it. And I kick it into his face and I shoot him off the rope and I give him a spinning heel kick, send him out. The crowd is hot and they hate me. I'm still getting all those really horrific names. But, you know, I'm doing my job. That means I'm doing my job. Those poor people on the ghost tour, their faces are just disbelief to see their ghost storyteller guy, you know, in the ring, beating the crap out of this kid. They're completely shocked. And then the bell rings. But the scenario is my character doesn't realize there's this other kid who's in there who's got this mask on with these horns. His character was called the Chronic Kid. K R O N I C. He's the guy I'm supposed to pin. It was supposed to be a setup. He attacks me. I give him these Jet Li wushu kicks to the stomach, to the head and grab him around the waist from behind. Pop my hip up and go back into an arch, a bridge on my head. This is called a German suplex. I get the pin. One, two, three. The kid rings the bell. He's banging on it. And the announcer at the announcer's table, over the mic and your winner and still champion, Johnny All Back. I've already got my belt. I get out, fight through the crowd because there's still people calling me names. I gotta head downstairs really quick, hand over the belt to the booker, get up those stairs and get out to the parking lot to start this ghost tour. I got back to the bus catching my breath. Richard is sitting in the driver's seat, hiding his head in the steering wheel, just shaking his head and just shoulders shaking because he's trying to stifle his laugh. But the people on the Ghost tour are sitting in stunned silence. I grabbed the microphone and I said, so now is anyone going to give me any problems tonight? The entire bus erupts and goes, no. And then I say, let us proceed to the Ghost Tour. When the bus gets back and people are getting off, the couple from Wichita, they come up to me and they're just wild and laughing and actually giving me hugs and thanking me for a great experience. They never in their life thought they would come on a ghost tour that would take you to a wrestling match first. And they said it's the best tour they've ever been on and so I was relieved. But after it's over and they leave, Richard the bus driver looks at me and says, so you know you can never do that again, right? He said, yes, I know.

Glen Washington (47:26)

Thanks to our friend Laka Kapanui for sharing his story with the Snap. Not only did Laka pull off the Ghost Tour, but he still leaves tours in Honolulu today. You can find out more@ mysteriesofhawai.com and if you want to hear some of Alpaca's stories from the dark side, head on over to our evil twin sister show, Spooked. The original score was by Renzo Gorio. It was produced by Zoe Frigno. Now, if you missed even a moment, know that the Snap Judgment storytelling podcast is firing on all cylinders right now with our sister show Spooked. Amazing Tales from the African Continent with mind your own storytelling history created with each episode available right now. Wherever you get your podcast, KQD in San Francisco is where we lay our heads. SNAP was brought to you by the team that would never ever under any circumstances pulled the producer Mark Rish's finger when he asked them to pull his finger. Now there's Nancy Lopez, Pap C Miller, Anna Sussman, Renzo Gorilla, John Fasille, Shayna Shealy, Taylor Dakot, Flo Wiley, Bo Walsh, Marissa Dodge, David Exime and Regina Badiaco. And this is not the news. No way is this the news. In fact, you might have to temporarily slash prices for your hair cutting hustle after an unfortunate Afro mix up. And you would still, even then, not be as far away from the news as this is. But this is prx.