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Amy Miller
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Caleb Heron
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Amy Miller
She's always been a great cook, but she just like wasn't around when I was a kid.
Caleb Heron
Do you like.
Amy Miller
She was partying. I know, it's really sad. Yeah. My dad died and then she used his pension to buy a red Mazda Miata and two seats, four kids.
Caleb Heron
Will you avoid me like the plague?
Amy Miller
No, that's not true. We're both just on the move a lot.
Caleb Heron
Are we recording even? Wow, this is so beautiful.
Amy Miller
We're on the move.
Caleb Heron
So you never see me and I never see you. What do you think that's about?
Amy Miller
You guys late?
Caleb Heron
Yeah. You're very late to the recording.
Amy Miller
I want to see you so much more.
Caleb Heron
Why don't you?
Amy Miller
I'm going to be in town more in the next few months.
Caleb Heron
I moved.
Amy Miller
I know. Okay, so I'll see you out there.
Caleb Heron
So I'll see you out on the road.
Amy Miller
I can see you out in Kansas City.
Caleb Heron
You can come to Kansas City. I'd love for you to come to Kansas City.
Amy Miller
I have family there, as you know.
Caleb Heron
I do know that. But you don't like them.
Amy Miller
I love them so much. Yeah, I know.
Caleb Heron
I was just making something up for.
Amy Miller
Fun, but I typically don't travel when it's not for making money.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, well, you love money.
Amy Miller
I don't have any.
Caleb Heron
I've always said about you, you love money.
Amy Miller
I think I would really enjoy it in the abstract of me ever having it.
Caleb Heron
When I think about me having money, I see a person who enjoys.
Amy Miller
You do. It looks good on you.
Caleb Heron
You know, money's been nice.
Amy Miller
Can I have some?
Caleb Heron
Yeah, of course.
Amy Miller
Oh, good. Okay. You guys start showing up on time, though. It was tough to park. Traffic. Oh, my God.
Caleb Heron
I'm pretty sure we have a spot.
Amy Miller
For you, I think.
Caleb Heron
And that comes in the invitation as well?
Amy Miller
No, no, it was taken.
Caleb Heron
What?
Amy Miller
I know.
Caleb Heron
Oh, my God.
Amy Miller
I read all the instructions.
Caleb Heron
I know that about you.
Amy Miller
First thing I'll buy with when the money comes, the abstract money. Helicopter.
Caleb Heron
You'll get a helicopter.
Amy Miller
Just to get places on time in this town.
Caleb Heron
Could I convince you to buy property instead?
Amy Miller
Oh, well, it is. You can live in it.
Caleb Heron
The helicopter.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
And you would. Knowing you, that's the first.
Amy Miller
I've bought one new car in my life ever. And the first thing I did was crawl into it to lay down at the dealership.
Caleb Heron
Oh.
Amy Miller
And they were like, are you planning to live in it? They were like, honey, I just want to see if it's feasible, just in case. Like, a lot of money to spend.
Caleb Heron
You got that tattoo at my party.
Amy Miller
I got this tattoo at your party. What does it mean? I don't know.
Caleb Heron
Couldn't tell you. By Gio.
Amy Miller
It was the one that I picked, though.
Caleb Heron
By Howdy, cowboy.
Amy Miller
Yeah, it's. It's. And this one, I just really like television.
Caleb Heron
You do love television.
Amy Miller
I love television.
Caleb Heron
One thing about you. Oh, you love television.
Amy Miller
I'd love to work on it.
Caleb Heron
I would love someone give us a ring.
Amy Miller
I know. God, brother, sister, comedy. Me and you constantly fighting.
Caleb Heron
Do you think brother and sister, me.
Amy Miller
And you, what would it be? Romantic involvement. I was kind of hoping a May December. A gay December.
Caleb Heron
A gay December. You've done lesbianism a timer, too?
Amy Miller
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Caleb Heron
What got you out of it?
Amy Miller
I ruled it out. I told my boyfriend that he would probably be the last man I ever dated. And he was like, oh, that's sweet. And I was like, you missed. You missed a word in that.
Caleb Heron
You missed.
Amy Miller
Yeah, yeah.
Caleb Heron
Current boyfriend?
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Still boyfriend?
Amy Miller
Yeah, we live together.
Caleb Heron
Really Beautiful.
Amy Miller
Oh, thank you.
Caleb Heron
That's nice. How is it?
Amy Miller
He's really sweet. It's good. You know, I'm readjusting to having a man live in my space. But as men in spaces go. Pretty good one.
Caleb Heron
Cause men in spaces can be so tough.
Amy Miller
Oh, my God. Like living with a wild animal.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, but you've caged one. You got one you like.
Amy Miller
I keep them tied up. And he likes it.
Caleb Heron
Do you know I was just talking to Chance about earlier today. Was that the question came up, how did I meet you? And I was like, oh, Amy helped me set up my first show in LA.
Amy Miller
That's right.
Caleb Heron
@ the Lyric.
Amy Miller
Wow, you helped me out.
Caleb Heron
And then you.
Amy Miller
Still waiting for my commission on that one.
Caleb Heron
You want your $200, I'll send it your way. And then have me on your podcast with Steve.
Amy Miller
Yes. Because we met in Chicago.
Caleb Heron
We did.
Amy Miller
And fell in love right away.
Caleb Heron
Fell in love deeply and quickly.
Amy Miller
I knew it'd be a great success.
Caleb Heron
Oh, when do you think that's gonna happen?
Amy Miller
It was a good investment.
Caleb Heron
What do you think that's gonna happen?
Amy Miller
We're watching it.
Caleb Heron
Give me. I want to. I want someone to make a statue of me. Who's gonna make a statue of me?
Amy Miller
It's a super moon tonight. This is a good time to, like, tonight's super moon manifest.
Caleb Heron
What does that mean?
Amy Miller
I don't know. Oh, I know that people who want to see the comet are very frustrated by the light of the super moon because it makes it harder to see the comet. I know there's a lot of celestial shit going on right now. I don't know anything about any of it. I don't know about astrology.
Caleb Heron
But you're happy to sort of repeat it.
Amy Miller
Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I do love a super moon. I know that it does change when my period starts.
Caleb Heron
The moon?
Amy Miller
Yeah. Never feel more like an animal.
Caleb Heron
The moon changes when your period starts.
Amy Miller
Well, I'm not the only one. I'm not a werewolf.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Periods are so fascinating to me.
Amy Miller
I. No.
Caleb Heron
Bad deal.
Amy Miller
Oh, it's awful. I mean, I've known for years I wasn't gonna have kids, so what do I need any of this for?
Caleb Heron
You don't have any kids. No, not for you.
Amy Miller
It's a little late.
Caleb Heron
Not for Amy Miller.
Amy Miller
They would have needs if I had them now. And Jo. They all. And how precious. Right? But it's just a little late for me.
Caleb Heron
I don't think it's ever too late.
Amy Miller
Thank you. Why? Because of Edie Falco?
Caleb Heron
Exactly. Oh, yeah. The Edie Falco rule. Lest we all forget.
Amy Miller
If you have success from the Sopranos. You can have children later in life.
Caleb Heron
That's. Hello. Ever heard of it?
Amy Miller
In your 50s?
Caleb Heron
What are you going to manifest with this moon?
Amy Miller
Hopefully, like a very relaxing winter of. Of. Of gaining knowledge, seeing friends and doing fun activities.
Caleb Heron
Are you gonna stay in town?
Amy Miller
Oh, well, most of it, yeah.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Not probably for Christmas. I don't know. There's a lot of drama going on in my family.
Caleb Heron
In the Bay?
Amy Miller
Yes.
Caleb Heron
A lot of drama in the Bay.
Amy Miller
Yes, always.
Caleb Heron
For those who are uninitiated, you're from.
Amy Miller
The Bay Area, born in San Francisco.
Caleb Heron
Born in San Francisco there for a while. Then you lived in Portland briefly.
Amy Miller
Y.
Caleb Heron
Three years. And then you moved to la.
Amy Miller
I moved to New York and then I moved to la.
Caleb Heron
You moved to New York?
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
I didn't even know that. How long were you New York?
Amy Miller
How are you liking it?
Caleb Heron
New York? I'm loving it.
Amy Miller
It's not eating you alive.
Caleb Heron
Well, it couldn't eat me alive.
Amy Miller
I never felt that way either.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, it would have when I was 20.
Amy Miller
Toughen up, toughen up.
Caleb Heron
And also, I gotta say, if you have. If you have any kind of financial stability, New York is wonderful.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Of course, these things that people are stressed out about, they're like, oh, the train's delayed. I'm like, yeah, I'll take a car. I don't. I'm sorry. It's just going to be fine.
Amy Miller
I'm going to be okay getting on the train. I know that.
Caleb Heron
Not get on the train if it's delayed. I'm not waiting on it.
Amy Miller
I would rather walk.
Caleb Heron
I'm biking everywhere.
Amy Miller
I love it.
Caleb Heron
I'm bicycling everywhere.
Amy Miller
Wow.
Caleb Heron
Which I used to do in Chicago and I kind of forgot that I loved it.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Because LA is a nightmare city where you.
Amy Miller
Scary.
Caleb Heron
Oh, it's so beautiful. But you can't bike anywhere. People who bike here are crazy to do it.
Amy Miller
It's really. And people think it's more dangerous in New York, but everything, biking, walking, driving there feels safer and more logical.
Caleb Heron
They're more European in their deference to bicyclists and walkers. They do stop a little bit more. The honk. But they'll stop while they're doing it.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Louisiana. I'm. I saw myself. I noticed how I was driving in LA yesterday and I said, this isn't right.
Amy Miller
This isn't me.
Caleb Heron
The way I'm driving is not safe. I could have killed that person. But it's just something about la. I might have. I really. No, I didn't I saw how I was behaving behind the wheel in la. As soon as I touched back down and I said, yeah, this isn't right.
Amy Miller
There's a. There's a coordination in New York where. Because most of the drivers are professional drivers. Right. So if you, like, get in there with your amateur driving, there's like, people are working together.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
You know, even the pedestrians. You're coming through an intersection, New Yorkers are waving. You keep going. We got it. I'm not going to let you hit me. You're not going to. Let's just keep everything moving. And in la, it's like every motherfucker for themselves.
Caleb Heron
If you were a car, what kind of car do you think you'd be?
Amy Miller
Probably a Jeep Grand Wagoneer.
Caleb Heron
Really?
Amy Miller
Like, wood paneling, forest screen, older, with the wood panel. Oh, yeah. Tan camel, leather seats. Ooh, yeah.
Caleb Heron
I'd love to be in there.
Amy Miller
Something John Candy would.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Be seen driving. Well, you know, I'm John Candy.
Caleb Heron
I'm trying to be John Candy. Would you mind not doing that? I'm trying to take over.
Amy Miller
You're pure enough.
Caleb Heron
Whoa.
Amy Miller
I know, I know.
Caleb Heron
You don't think I'm pure enough.
Amy Miller
No. He's so pure of heart and mind.
Caleb Heron
You don't find me to be pure of heart and mind.
Amy Miller
I think you're motivated by sex, drugs and money.
Caleb Heron
Two out of three ain't bad. Yeah, two out of three ain't bad. I think I'm pure of heart and mind.
Amy Miller
I think. Yeah. I don't think you're gonna turn, like, have a heel turn, but I think that John Candy was. I don't know, he. He was more guarded and just innocent.
Caleb Heron
Whoa.
Amy Miller
Yeah. And you're like. Can be scary.
Caleb Heron
A deviant. You find me to be scary? No. Say more about that.
Amy Miller
No, I don't.
Caleb Heron
Who do you think is scared by me?
Amy Miller
Whoever you decide should be.
Caleb Heron
That's really nice. I like that.
Amy Miller
Actually, we're the same that way.
Caleb Heron
You can be scary.
Amy Miller
Thank you.
Caleb Heron
I would never fear you. But I could see why one would.
Amy Miller
You have no reason to.
Caleb Heron
I wouldn't.
Amy Miller
Not ever? Ever.
Caleb Heron
I'm on the good side.
Amy Miller
I'm here to protect you.
Caleb Heron
You'll protect me?
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
You're my guardian angel in many ways.
Amy Miller
Yeah. And during the super moon, you know, I pray for you.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, of course.
Amy Miller
Of course.
Caleb Heron
When the super moon is here, you.
Amy Miller
Pray for me, Like a good friend.
Caleb Heron
Because your period getting weird and you've got things to think about.
Amy Miller
It just starts early when the moon comes out.
Caleb Heron
Really?
Amy Miller
Yeah. It's going to start tonight. I'll. I'll. I'll text you.
Caleb Heron
Send me a pic.
Amy Miller
I definitely will.
Caleb Heron
Send me a pic. I do keep track of all my friends periods just in case any of them try to lie to the government about their.
Amy Miller
I'm losing a bitch.
Caleb Heron
Yes. I go. I go, someone says I'm bitch me. I go, hold on. May 12th.
Amy Miller
I. I do track, but there's not. There's no apps for, like, people who want to track because we don't want children. We just want to know what's going on. So, you know, the app will often be like, congrats, your period's late. And I'm like, no, that's not the goal here.
Caleb Heron
No, thank you.
Amy Miller
No. Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Does it tell you when you're ovulating?
Amy Miller
Yes.
Caleb Heron
How does that feel? What's it like to ovulate?
Amy Miller
Okay. You know those nights, days, whatever, where you just feel like, I'm so hot today and I could convince anybody to do anything? Yes, yes. Most of your days.
Caleb Heron
I have a lot of those days lately. Last year or so, I'm raking those days in.
Amy Miller
Ovulation is peak.
Caleb Heron
That you feel just sexy and on top of it.
Amy Miller
Yeah. And you can feel when it's happening even if you're not tracking it.
Caleb Heron
There's some period havers in the room. Yeah.
Amy Miller
Yeah. Oh, the best sets I've ever had. I'm like. I'm a puppet master.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Like, this audience doesn't even know. They think I'm extra funny because I dropped a fucking egg and they can smell it.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Okay, that part. I shouldn't have said that.
Caleb Heron
I didn't like that.
Amy Miller
They can sense it and they want to fertilize me.
Caleb Heron
That's.
Amy Miller
Yeah, they're getting stronger and more powerful because I have that many left.
Caleb Heron
Right. Okay. I have rare, precious eggs. Yeah, you did just turn 27.
Amy Miller
Thank you.
Caleb Heron
Congratulations.
Amy Miller
Thanks. I feel good.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Beautiful.
Amy Miller
I can't wait to start working on my 401k.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. Well, get to work. Yeah, I love that. Yeah.
Amy Miller
No, no. I have a latent 403B floating out somewhere.
Caleb Heron
You worked in tech.
Amy Miller
I worked in nonprofit.
Caleb Heron
You worked in tech as well, did you not?
Amy Miller
Yeah, but I don't have that 401k anymore.
Caleb Heron
Nice. You spent that.
Amy Miller
Entertainment is expensive. It's expensive to perform.
Caleb Heron
Yes.
Amy Miller
They take our money.
Caleb Heron
You should see the way musicians are living. Have you paid attention? The way these people are touring?
Amy Miller
I know. I'm making dime in my house.
Caleb Heron
They don't make a dime I know my musicians go, oh, we're not making anything on. On the ticket sales. Hopefully we make it up on merch.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Make it up on merch.
Amy Miller
Gotta buy merch. You gotta.
Caleb Heron
Merch is supposed to be the fun part.
Amy Miller
I have. My T shirt drawers are packed.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
With shirts I'm never gonna wear.
Caleb Heron
You're so real.
Amy Miller
I should have just handed the cash to my friend.
Caleb Heron
You're one of the realest people alive.
Amy Miller
I love to buy friends merch.
Caleb Heron
You're really very real.
Amy Miller
I don't have any Caleb merch yet.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
You know, because I like to get it in person. I refuse to go online.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. Well, it's not like I haven't had a show in the last couple of years that you could have come to a.
Amy Miller
Well, we're in different towns a lot of the time.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
And you know, the stuff of my period being weird. It's.
Caleb Heron
Hard. Hard to get out to a show, huh?
Amy Miller
Some nights it is hard to get out to a show.
Caleb Heron
What all nights for me. What comedians do you have merch for that you don't have. But you don't have mine?
Amy Miller
I have Blair's merch. I have Beth Stelling.
Caleb Heron
That hurts extra.
Amy Miller
Steve Hernandez.
Caleb Heron
That hurts a lot. I'm way.
Amy Miller
That one's embarrassing.
Caleb Heron
I'm way funnier than him.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Oh, Steve's a fucking hack. I can't believe you have his merch.
Amy Miller
I know.
Caleb Heron
Kidding. Love you, Steve.
Amy Miller
All sex stuff and.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Polyamory.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. God. Would you ever do Polly?
Amy Miller
Oh, yeah. I'm trying to do it right now. I'm trying to get my boyfriend to do it just to get my pussy a break.
Caleb Heron
Okay. I know he has. Your boyfriend has a big dick.
Amy Miller
I don't know if there's currently a word for that where you just want one person to. Polly.
Caleb Heron
So what's the point?
Amy Miller
And then I'll just like.
Caleb Heron
He's. He's going to fuck other people and you're going to just relax on those nights? Is that the idea?
Amy Miller
Yeah. Yes. Yes. Watch selling Sunset or whatever.
Caleb Heron
Okay.
Amy Miller
And just like, let my pussy breathe.
Caleb Heron
I'm so exhausted.
Amy Miller
And my skull. By knowing progressive people, you would never.
Caleb Heron
You're a monogamous skull is tired.
Amy Miller
Yeah, well, I. Yeah. I don't have that big of a head, you know.
Caleb Heron
What's he doing to your head?
Amy Miller
Skull? No, he's gentle. He's wonderful. But, you know, I like to do a good job. I love him. He cooks and stuff.
Caleb Heron
So you're. Yeah, you're. You're tossing some Neck his way after dinner.
Amy Miller
Yeah. I have started to feel like. And I'm sorry that I started to do a bit about it. I'm not doing a bit at you, but I have started to feel like blowing men is a little old timey.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Antiquated.
Caleb Heron
How do you mean?
Amy Miller
Just seems like very antique and animalistic.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Like we should have a solution for that by now.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
That's not my skull.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. Okay. Like I'm waiting to hear more. Yeah. I like this.
Amy Miller
I. And I do it, you know, I'm a good girlfriend. I do it for the exchange or whatever.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
And because he deserves it. He's a wonderful man.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
But like I don't think, you know, I think men should blow each other. That's great. That's awesome.
Caleb Heron
Agreed.
Amy Miller
Please, Please. You deserve each other. Big agree.
Caleb Heron
Big agree. Think you'll marry him?
Amy Miller
Yeah, I think. Thank you, Mariam.
Caleb Heron
Think you'll marry him?
Amy Miller
He's a suitor. Yeah. I think we will get married.
Caleb Heron
Nice.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
But don't invite me.
Amy Miller
I'm not.
Caleb Heron
Please come do it in a private ceremony or something. I've had it with these weddings.
Amy Miller
Please.
Caleb Heron
I've had it. I have to fly. I have to come to North Dakota because you fell in love. God damn it.
Amy Miller
I know. Give up a weekend of work.
Caleb Heron
I have just had it.
Amy Miller
They're always exactly when standup happens. I'm like, no, but they're really beautiful.
Caleb Heron
I have to have dinner with your aunt because you fell in love, you know. Awesome. And when was the last time you flew in for one of my shows, by the way? Never. I've had very big career moments you've never flown in for. But now I'm supposed to buy a gift cuz you fell in love.
Amy Miller
I do think we should. I do think we should get gifts for another occasion.
Caleb Heron
I just think it's not likely that I'm necessarily going to have a wedding or have kids. Maybe I will. I want. I would be open to both. But I just think it's really silly that people get heteronormative people but now gay people have started doing it. People who they have a wedding and they expect you to drop everything for it. And I go, when have you dropped everything for me?
Amy Miller
I know.
Caleb Heron
Like really, when have you. When have you spent round trip flight money, bought a suit like calm. And spend a whole evening having dinner with me and my people and given your whole weekend, sometimes your whole week to an event for me. I have events all the time.
Amy Miller
When have you done that?
Caleb Heron
You're Gonna come to one of my shows?
Amy Miller
Yeah, just for like a Chiefs game or whatever.
Caleb Heron
You've never come to my show.
Amy Miller
And I am gonna wear a suit.
Caleb Heron
I'm not coming to your wedding.
Amy Miller
I've seen. I've been to your shows, but I'm saying I'm gonna get a plane ticket. I'm gonna come to Canada.
Caleb Heron
What's your favorite joke of mine? What's up, guys? It's me, Caleb. November 23rd in Kansas City. Waxahachie and I are co hosting a bunch of our friends, comedians and musicians at the Midland. We are doing a benefit show called Yeehaw to benefit the tenants union. Tara's episode is out and she talked a bunch about the tenant union. But please, please, please. If you live in Kansas City or nearby Omaha, come on down. Chicago, come on down. November 23rd at the Midland. We're doing a show to benefit the tenant union that we're so excited about it about me, Waxahachie, a bunch of other fun people that will announce. But yes, please come. You guys and girls and everywhere in between spark something uncommon this holiday. With just the right gift from Uncommon Goods. The busy holiday season is here. Yikes. And Uncommon Goods makes it less stressful with incredible handpicked gifts for everyone on your list. All in one spot. Gifts that spark, joy, wonder, delight. And that. It's exactly what I wanted. Feeling. They scour the globe for original, handmade absolutely remarkable things. Somehow they know exactly the perfect gift for every single person you know, like Santa Claus. But they actually work all year round, not just one night like that lacy bum. When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists in small, independent businesses. Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches. So shop now before they sell out this holiday season. And with every purchase you make it on common goods, they give back $1 to a nonprofit of your choice. They've donated more than $3 million to date. So to get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com so true. That's UncommonGoods.com s o t r u e so true. For 15% off, don't miss out on this limited time offer. You're going to be sick if you do Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. I know mine of yours.
Amy Miller
You do?
Caleb Heron
I do know. Well, I love all your jokes. I think you're. I do think you're one of the funniest. No, I think you're one of the funniest names we have working right now. Period.
Amy Miller
Thank You.
Caleb Heron
I think you're an absolute, absolute genius. You know this my favorite joke of yours about you. Well, I, I had to force it out of you, but my favorite joke of yours is really hard because I love so many of them, but one that I come back to often is you.
Amy Miller
I'm so the.
Caleb Heron
The homeless guy because I have a house.
Amy Miller
Yeah. Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Do you, do you want to tell the joke?
Amy Miller
I'm not. No, because I'm not proud of it.
Caleb Heron
But I love that joke. Why are you not proud of it? You. Because of the unhoused of it all. Yeah, well, he shouldn't be mean.
Amy Miller
But I haven't changed the terminology.
Caleb Heron
They don't get to be mean.
Amy Miller
I know, I'm sorry.
Caleb Heron
I'm sorry. God bless them, hate their circumstances. They don't get to be mean. They don't get to treat me bad because they're. I'm sorry.
Amy Miller
No, you could be mad. They shouldn't be. Fat. Shamey.
Caleb Heron
No, you don't get to call me. I've had, I've had unhoused people call me and I'm supposed to react with love. No, I'm going to call you a slur.
Amy Miller
Which one?
Caleb Heron
I'm calling him the H. Slur. I'm calling him the H. Slur.
Amy Miller
Houseless house.
Caleb Heron
Less.
Amy Miller
I don't. I. Yeah. That joke has been widely circulated and I don't feel like the most proud of it I'll ever feel on my deathbed when, if I think about it.
Caleb Heron
I'd be very proud of that joke.
Amy Miller
In the next few years.
Caleb Heron
Did you want to say a joke of mine that you love or did you want it to just be one sided?
Amy Miller
Let's just. I think because we're running out of time.
Caleb Heron
No. We do have voicemails though. Do you want to listen to a voicemail from one of our fans?
Amy Miller
Yeah. Can I also just say one more thing about weddings because I just went to one. I'm not going to say whose it was because I feel like, like her feelings might be hurt. But I swear to God, during the most touching family speeches, entire table of comedians non stop talking. Well, they're not like this.
Caleb Heron
Whose wedding was it?
Amy Miller
I'm not gonna say.
Caleb Heron
Tell me.
Amy Miller
There were a couple people at the table that were scared enough of me just by a look to shut up. A few people didn't give. A father crying, my baby girl. And a thick southern accent. You can guess all the comedians talking. Whose wedding was drunk, screaming. I'm not gonna tell you.
Caleb Heron
Tell me off camera.
Amy Miller
Yeah, of course.
Caleb Heron
Say it now. We'll be. Let's. We. We would, but I'll hear it off camera. Let's. What's the voicemail?
Amy Miller
Hi, Caleb, Love the show. My question is, what do you think about time travel? Does the butterfly effect work? Why do movies have their own variations? Can't they come to a consensus of having the same idea? Is it possible to achieve in real life? Yeah, we'd love to know. My name is Michaela. My big three is. I'm a Libra Sun, Virgo moon and Taurus rising. Our big three.
Caleb Heron
No, now, mind you, we don't ask. Right. So we didn't ask. Hi, Mikayla. Love you. Shout out. But we didn't ask Mikayla to list their big three.
Amy Miller
You didn't prompt. No, wait, what's your big three?
Caleb Heron
What do you think of time travel? Yes.
Amy Miller
No, I think anything's really possible.
Caleb Heron
I don't.
Amy Miller
I can't. Okay. I don't really believe in anything anymore because I got roped into so many stories early on as, you know, the Ark, etc.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Believed it all.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. He fell for hook, line and sinker.
Amy Miller
They got you, you know.
Caleb Heron
What'd you say?
Amy Miller
Jacob and Esau?
Caleb Heron
Oh, yeah.
Amy Miller
I thought you said sexy story.
Caleb Heron
I thought you said Jake and Benny saw. And I was like, who the fuck are Jake and Benny?
Amy Miller
Jake and Benny saw.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, of course. No. Time travel not real.
Amy Miller
It's possible, but it's just not my business, you know, if anyone in this room is from another time. Congrats. You chose a weird thing to come to and just, you know, don't tell me.
Caleb Heron
Where would you like to travel if time travel was real?
Amy Miller
Ooh, can I cheat? I mean, probably 40 years in the future.
Caleb Heron
Really?
Amy Miller
Yeah. I just want to be old. Old. Official. Old. Invisible. Oh, sexless being. I'm not saying other that old people are that, but that's how old women get treated. And I personally cannot wait.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
To just be like a ghost amongst us. That's a preset answer Out. A lot of kimonos and robes.
Caleb Heron
I don't think old jewels. People are allowed to have their titties out.
Amy Miller
You can do whatever you want.
Caleb Heron
I did not know that.
Amy Miller
And you can just be like, I'm crazy.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
I've been alive too long. Doesn't that seem nice?
Caleb Heron
That's. Yeah.
Amy Miller
The pressures of being young and I'm not that young anymore, but like being on a journey somewhere instead of just comfortably at the end of it.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
It's too much. It's too stressful.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
You know you're like, what? What? We're working towards something that's so exhausting.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
To what? A better future. I want to be in that future already and know what it is.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
And then just fucking chill out. I will be houseless.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
But my titties will be out.
Caleb Heron
I will be houseless, but my titties will be free. I will be free from my cage. And so will they.
Amy Miller
I'll definitely call you the Up Slur when you walk by. Mike.
Caleb Heron
Amy.
Amy Miller
I don't say it, but I think I'm allowed. But I don't. No, no, no. I don't want to say it. I don't want to say it.
Caleb Heron
You want to say it.
Amy Miller
What is the rule? I think if you've never been called it, say it. No.
Caleb Heron
One time.
Amy Miller
It's not fun for me.
Caleb Heron
We'll bleep it.
Amy Miller
I try it at home alone all the time.
Caleb Heron
No one's gonna get mad now. Listeners are very cool. Say it once.
Amy Miller
No, I say.
Caleb Heron
Oh, what about this? I say. You say good.
Amy Miller
No.
Caleb Heron
Oh. Do you think you would call me a slur were you houseless?
Amy Miller
And, I mean, maybe. Let's get in that time machine and go find out.
Caleb Heron
I don't think I would go 40 years in the future.
Amy Miller
Where would you go?
Caleb Heron
Colonial Williamsburg.
Amy Miller
Mmm. Gorgeous.
Caleb Heron
Would like to see what it was all about. Would like to see what it was all about.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Or I wouldn't.
Amy Miller
Some Butters.
Caleb Heron
I would. I would stop Hitler. That'd be fun. I'd love to be the guy who stopped Hitler. I wouldn't stop him before he did any bad things.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
I would stop him when he was maybe, like two bad things in.
Amy Miller
Stop him before he kills that dog.
Caleb Heron
Before the camps and stuff. But, like, I would. Right. When he comes to power and everyone's like, oh, fuck, what are we going to do? This guy's probably going to be bad.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
I would show up right then and.
Amy Miller
Be like, just kill him.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
You gonna tell him why and where you're from?
Caleb Heron
I would probably say something.
Amy Miller
Definitely gonna call you a slur.
Caleb Heron
He says, right as I raise my gun. No, I. Yeah, I would kill him for sure.
Amy Miller
I think you'd be surprisingly charmed by him at first, Hitler, and have to remind yourself you did a kill him.
Caleb Heron
Do you think I would be swayed by Adolf Hitler.
Amy Miller
Maybe? Like, he showed you his art and stuff?
Caleb Heron
Yeah. I don't think so.
Amy Miller
He's fashionable, you know.
Caleb Heron
No, he's not. He wore one uniform pretty much the whole time. He had a horrible little Haircut.
Amy Miller
Now, what's the thing with his penis again?
Caleb Heron
You'll have to tell me.
Amy Miller
Does it have like an extra hole on the side or something?
Caleb Heron
Harden?
Amy Miller
I think so. Isn't this correct? Yeah. He's got one of those penises where the little urethra is like, took a detour and it goes out the side.
Caleb Heron
Hitler himself is believed underneath to have had two forms of genital abnormality. An undescended testicle in a rare condition called penile hypospadias, in which the urethra opens on the underside of the penis.
Amy Miller
Okay. By the way. Washingtonpost.com all right, let's talk about Hitler's penis.
Caleb Heron
Wait, wait, go back. Go back real quick.
Amy Miller
And it was micro as well.
Caleb Heron
There's another one from LiveScience called the Science behind Hitler's Possible micro penis. And then of course, Cora, is it true that Hitler had a micro penis?
Amy Miller
We love Cora. How big was Hitler's single testicle? Someone needs to know. September 23, 2020. A few months into the quarantine.
Caleb Heron
It did not take long. It did not take long of COVID lockdown for people to say, you know what? What was going on with Hitler's dick? The immortal myth of Hitler's deformed genitals.
Amy Miller
Oh, my God. I didn't even know about the testicle thing.
Caleb Heron
Having a small penis does not make you evil.
Amy Miller
I love to see Quoras from mid-2020.
Caleb Heron
Having a small penis struggling. You don't necessarily are evil with that.
Amy Miller
No, no, no. I don't think so either. Some of the best head I ever got was the smallest penis I ever saw.
Caleb Heron
Guys with average to small penises, chapstick working around in there. Pardon?
Amy Miller
Like a chapstick.
Caleb Heron
His dick was like a chapstick.
Amy Miller
It was about those proportions of a tube of chapstick.
Caleb Heron
Nice.
Amy Miller
Yeah, but wonderful man. He's a teacher.
Caleb Heron
And if he's pussy like Kobayashi, then I guess, you know, rock on.
Amy Miller
Yeah, you can have a Vienna sausage down there.
Caleb Heron
You came in 13 seconds in a bunk bed. The Chiefs beat the bills in 13 seconds once. That's when I think of 13 seconds. I think of the Chiefs Bills game and now I'll think of you. Coming from head.
Amy Miller
I hope you're thinking about me coming during all Chiefs games.
Caleb Heron
Oh, I am. In many ways my sports fandom is not like the normal male sports fandom. It's very female orgasm centric trick.
Amy Miller
Thank you.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, I'm happy to do it. Means nothing.
Amy Miller
Have you ever given a woman an orgasm?
Caleb Heron
Oh, God. It would Be hard to tell if they were faking or not because I didn't like what was I was doing. Yeah, I didn't like sex with women. It was. I was like, yeah, I've given somebody with a vagina and orgasm for sure. Okay, trans guy.
Amy Miller
I love that.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, he loved what I was doing. But you know, sex with vaginas in general I find very uncouth.
Amy Miller
Old timey, if you will.
Caleb Heron
Well, sex with vaginas for me does feel very of an old from the past. Yeah, it feels like blacksmithing.
Amy Miller
It's silly. It's silly that we do it at all.
Caleb Heron
You ever been to silverdar City? Finn Branson?
Amy Miller
Oh, yes.
Caleb Heron
How they're all dressed like that and they're like blowing glass and shit. That's what it felt like to me when I was pussy. I was like, this is from an era, a bygone era.
Amy Miller
Oh, that's a blowjob. Blow glass, blow job.
Caleb Heron
Blow glass, blow job. Yeah, I don't like pussy.
Amy Miller
Like just a really out of date, great skill.
Caleb Heron
You like?
Amy Miller
Yeah, I do.
Caleb Heron
Nice.
Amy Miller
Yeah. Yeah, that's nice.
Caleb Heron
That's nice.
Amy Miller
I don't know that I'm particularly great at it.
Caleb Heron
How not?
Amy Miller
But I just.
Caleb Heron
Pretty simple stuff. You just root around in there.
Amy Miller
I mean, I'm just like, yeah, okay. You weren't good at it.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
They weren't coming.
Caleb Heron
You don't know.
Amy Miller
At church camp.
Caleb Heron
At church camp? No, never at church camp.
Amy Miller
I didn't do anything sexual at church camp either. Because that's so sinful.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, it's bad.
Amy Miller
I would hold hands at the campfire, Max.
Caleb Heron
You think heaven or hell? One of those real, perfect.
Amy Miller
I think fake. But sometimes I wish for a hell for certain people.
Caleb Heron
Really?
Amy Miller
I also wish for heaven for certain people.
Caleb Heron
That's really beautiful.
Amy Miller
Like, I have to believe. And there's a possibility of heaven because sometimes like, I don't know, just like encounter someone with like the saddest fucking story in the world that still believes in God and like, is a wonderful person and is just like, I, I don't know, you know this like sad stories of people who are tragically murdered and like in their last moments they like pray or I'm like, you deserve a heaven. Yeah, Yeah. I hope it exists for you.
Caleb Heron
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Amy Miller
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Caleb Heron
I think I've been to heaven.
Amy Miller
Yeah, that's right.
Caleb Heron
It's what's going on right here.
Amy Miller
Silver Dollar City.
Caleb Heron
Podcasting with your friend Amy. Feels a lot like heaven to me.
Amy Miller
Celestial.
Caleb Heron
Celestial.
Amy Miller
Do you feel that moon? Just.
Caleb Heron
I can.
Amy Miller
Swelling.
Caleb Heron
Well, according to you, I can feel that you're dropping eggs. That's you. You've claimed that you have a presence about you during this time.
Amy Miller
I'm in my luteal phase.
Caleb Heron
What is that?
Amy Miller
It's in between ovulation and menstruation.
Caleb Heron
What happens there?
Amy Miller
You're just like, just like horny but tired.
Caleb Heron
Oh, I'm in that.
Amy Miller
He's in his luteal phase.
Caleb Heron
Oh, I've been in that for like.
Amy Miller
15 or 16 years and it's your body's kind of last ditch effort to get this thing fertilized.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
So you're still appealing, you know, but like, in a more like a lower tier of person is now noticing straight up animals.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
You know, dogs are sniffing.
Caleb Heron
Well, Amy, I'm turning 30 soon.
Amy Miller
I can't believe that.
Caleb Heron
Any advice?
Amy Miller
I feel like you were a teen when we met.
Caleb Heron
I wasn't.
Amy Miller
Well, you were in your mid-20s and.
Caleb Heron
That'S very young when we met. I would have been. I can tell you exactly how old I was.
Amy Miller
26.
Caleb Heron
I would have been 25.
Amy Miller
Okay. I think just like the lore of you is more interesting when you're 19 to me. So impressive what you're doing.
Caleb Heron
What you effectively just said out loud to me is I like the idea of you better than the reality. That's what you said to me just now on my show that I invited you on.
Amy Miller
You're so. It's so amazing, like, what you've accomplished already that it's like turning into true fairy tale mode. That's where I'm like, what is this kid, like, 13? I just keep getting younger in my age.
Caleb Heron
Like a full grown adult who should have it together, probably.
Amy Miller
You do.
Caleb Heron
I think I do.
Amy Miller
Are you excited to turn 30?
Caleb Heron
I'm very excited. I'm just looking forward to it, you know? Well, so one thing that's been on my mind about 30s is maybe I'll start doing a. I think I said this before on here. I maybe start doing. No, I'm not a fucking freak. Pickleball people. Prison for them. Sorry. There's a couple of them in here. And y'all. Y'all need reform. I just don't.
Amy Miller
It's like, need other ways to make.
Caleb Heron
Friends, play tennis or fucking stay home. Like, what is the. What is going on? What's with the in between?
Amy Miller
No one wants to cosplay PE?
Caleb Heron
Yeah. I don't.
Amy Miller
Hated it.
Caleb Heron
But my 30s, I'm thinking maybe tailored slacks with cowboy boots.
Amy Miller
Oh, I love that.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Big buckle.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah.
Amy Miller
Okay.
Caleb Heron
Oh, yeah. Some camp shirts.
Amy Miller
That's gonna be hot.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
And then maybe like three buttons down on the shirt.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
What's your chest hair situation? Are you more of a Jacob or an Esau? It's for the Bible.
Caleb Heron
There's not much. Do you see?
Amy Miller
Oh, that's good, though.
Caleb Heron
But I think it could grow in.
Amy Miller
No, that's plenty for like a big chain. Yes. And the nipple hair. Okay. I love this.
Caleb Heron
Well, I had surgery on one of these nipples.
Amy Miller
Okay.
Caleb Heron
I don't remember which one.
Amy Miller
Well, it's flawless.
Caleb Heron
But what do you think?
Amy Miller
I think it's perfect.
Caleb Heron
My Body.
Amy Miller
Gorgeous. I'm soaked.
Caleb Heron
Nice.
Amy Miller
I think I just got fertilized.
Caleb Heron
Nice.
Amy Miller
Oh, yeah. Instantly.
Caleb Heron
This was so much fun, huh?
Amy Miller
Was it?
Caleb Heron
This was a good time. I've had a blast.
Amy Miller
I've had so much fun.
Caleb Heron
I just think the world of you.
Amy Miller
Miss you.
Caleb Heron
I miss you. I wish you would talk to me every once in a while.
Amy Miller
We can talk off podcasts.
Caleb Heron
We're not good at it.
Amy Miller
Yes, we are.
Caleb Heron
We're not good at it. We're in different places all the time.
Amy Miller
You're always doing stuff agoraphobe. Yeah, and. But I'm. I'm getting better at not making plan. At like, not flaking.
Caleb Heron
Here's what you like to do.
Amy Miller
Make plans and don't go.
Caleb Heron
You love that. That's one of your biggest things.
Amy Miller
Passion.
Caleb Heron
And then you love to go. You love to leave town for three days to do stand up in a city I am not in. You love doing. And then you love to take like a four or five hour walk by yourself.
Amy Miller
I do that a lot. Yeah.
Caleb Heron
So these are the. I fit into none of that.
Amy Miller
You can get in on the walk.
Caleb Heron
You think?
Amy Miller
I also love beach days. You're not a beach person. Which, with this body, I don't know what is the issue?
Caleb Heron
Don't like the beach. It's not the bodies.
Amy Miller
Throw it off.
Caleb Heron
It's the experience.
Amy Miller
The sand.
Caleb Heron
The experience of the beach is bad.
Amy Miller
It's so nice.
Caleb Heron
It's hot. Everyone else is allowed to be there. I hate that everyone else is allowed to be there.
Amy Miller
I know some good chill spots and I bring good snacks and I want a private beach. Okay, don't bring your one one day.
Caleb Heron
No, I don't think so. But I just want.
Amy Miller
Why don't we go to Mexico?
Caleb Heron
Ben, you want to go together? Yeah, I'm going to Mexico next week.
Amy Miller
Where?
Caleb Heron
Cancun.
Amy Miller
Okay. With who?
Caleb Heron
A couple of my friends.
Amy Miller
Okay. I just hadn't heard about this until just now. I'm. Where are you staying?
Caleb Heron
Where? There's a new Nobu resort.
Amy Miller
What flight are you on?
Caleb Heron
Yeah, what flight are you? Tell me. Your dlc.
Amy Miller
I'm staying at the Nobu resort.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Okay.
Caleb Heron
I'm not paying for it. Don't worry about it. Don't think I'm paying for it.
Amy Miller
Who's paying for it?
Caleb Heron
Some company. I don't ask questions.
Amy Miller
Sponsored content.
Caleb Heron
So I'm not doing any sponsored content. I'm just showing up to the trip.
Amy Miller
Okay.
Caleb Heron
With two of my favorite people in the whole world.
Amy Miller
All right, well, that's nice.
Caleb Heron
And I would love to see you guys there. I am flying from la.
Amy Miller
Okay. Delta. Always.
Caleb Heron
Always. You're a Delta girl.
Amy Miller
Yeah, I am. Sometimes Southwest.
Caleb Heron
The real. Oof. Sorry, that's in the chill of my spine.
Amy Miller
Can't avoid Southwest.
Caleb Heron
No, it's unavoidable sometimes. I always have a credit card.
Amy Miller
Colorado Springs. Caleb. I'm sorry.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, no, it's ride to go. Like Raleigh to Milwaukee once. And the only direct airline was Southwest. And I was like, we're Southwest today.
Amy Miller
Yeah, it's fine.
Caleb Heron
Direct. I'll always do over a stop. I'll leave Delta to not have a stop. Stop.
Amy Miller
You know, it's those experiences that I. I hate having a stop. Yeah. I'll leave Delta to not have a stop. Makes you so much more grateful for a Delta first class experience.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
If your last flight was on Southwest.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Let's. Let's talk more about travel.
Caleb Heron
Let's. Go ahead.
Amy Miller
That's my comedy wheelhouse.
Caleb Heron
Go ahead. What do you want to talk about?
Amy Miller
All my favorite jokes of yours are airplane related.
Caleb Heron
Really? You could not think of a single joke of mine that you like?
Amy Miller
I'm really bad at remembering stuff on the spot.
Caleb Heron
No, it's just I wanted to point out that I thought that was a little crazy.
Amy Miller
I love your comedy.
Caleb Heron
Nice.
Amy Miller
I watch it on the Internet.
Caleb Heron
Nice.
Amy Miller
I watch it. I've seen it in person several times.
Caleb Heron
Really?
Amy Miller
Yeah. In Chicago, Louisiana.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
And maybe New York.
Caleb Heron
Have you seen it in New York?
Amy Miller
I don't know. I feel like I have.
Caleb Heron
What's your.
Amy Miller
I've tried.
Caleb Heron
What's your death, Romeo?
Amy Miller
Probably like my mom's enchiladas.
Caleb Heron
Okay, nice. Is that it?
Amy Miller
With, like.
Caleb Heron
Usually people kind of go all out, but I.
Amy Miller
Green sauce enchiladas with chicken.
Caleb Heron
Nice.
Amy Miller
It would definitely be something someone in my family made because, you know, it's what. It's a wild card otherwise.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
What if your death row meal is just ordered from the. The bad spot? You know, I don't want to say pepperoni pizza and then they bring in fucking Little Caesars. Although those pizza. Those pizza pockets. Have you had them?
Caleb Heron
No.
Amy Miller
Pepperoni, crazy puffs.
Caleb Heron
Are they good?
Amy Miller
I'm. I want to get sponsored. Yeah, it's just a little.
Caleb Heron
Can someone. Can someone order some of those here right now? That'd be awesome.
Amy Miller
So good.
Caleb Heron
We'll try to get some in here.
Amy Miller
Pepperoni, crazy puffs. It's just like a little tiny hand pie.
Caleb Heron
I want to know about it.
Amy Miller
But their big pizzas discounted. Disgusting.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Right. So that's. I just feel like if My mom's cooking my death row meal. Surely before she watches me get executed.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, you're gonna make her think of.
Amy Miller
The love that's going in those enchiladas.
Caleb Heron
I bet she's putting her foot in those your daughter's dying enchiladas. Yeah. Sorry. You're cranking it up in the kitchen.
Amy Miller
Maybe. Like, she does this really good blueberry cake with cream cheese frosting.
Caleb Heron
Damn. You have like a real moment.
Amy Miller
Oh, yeah. You have a real mom.
Caleb Heron
Oh, I do. I do too. But yeah, you have like a mommy mom. Like, my mom doesn't have a special cake kind of mom.
Amy Miller
Okay. My mom's awesome, but it's late in life.
Caleb Heron
Oh, she became a cake person.
Amy Miller
Well, she's always been a great cook, but she just, like, wasn't around when I was a kid.
Caleb Heron
Do you like that's.
Amy Miller
She was partying. I know, it's really sad. Yeah. My dad died and then she used his pension to buy a red Mazda Miata. And two seats, four kids all fat. By the way, no space in a Miata to go grocery shopping. She was just really living it up. So now she has to bake. We. I still know the number to a bar. It's called Dick's in San Leandro, California.
Caleb Heron
Where she would be.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Oh, I had to call my mom.
Amy Miller
575639. Hello?
Caleb Heron
Hello, is our mom there?
Amy Miller
Can you tell her to bring fries home?
Caleb Heron
She hopping the Miata. Can she get behind the wheel of the Miata and come home, please? I had to call my mom at bars.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. That's some pretty classic Midwestern shit.
Amy Miller
Oh, for sure. But as a bartender. How cute is that? Hello?
Caleb Heron
Hi, is my mom there?
Amy Miller
6 year old on the phone.
Caleb Heron
I'd probably be pretty sad about it as a bartender if there were six year olds calling and being like, please send my mom home.
Amy Miller
I think we just wanted her to bring snacks. We didn't. We were fine with her not being home.
Caleb Heron
You just wanted the fries.
Amy Miller
That's the thing about drunk parents. Better when they're there or gone. Depends.
Caleb Heron
Who's to say. Depends on if they've had a drink or not.
Amy Miller
It's a roller coaster for me.
Caleb Heron
It was chicken wings. I was like, if my mom comes home from this bar without chicken wings, there's going to be hell to pay.
Amy Miller
We got a lot of ribs. God damn that rock with those silver tops. It was like all sweaty inside. Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Fuck yeah. That's awesome.
Amy Miller
The circular bar ribs. I know.
Caleb Heron
Sweet.
Amy Miller
So good. Let's go and just like, creeps would use the claw machine and like get us little stuffed animals and stuff to try to get into my mom's. Like, here's a pink elephant.
Caleb Heron
Sorry. Just so I'm clear, your claim is that creeps at the bar who wanted to. And I'll just use your words, get in your mom's.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Would win you toys at the claw game to send them home with her. And then how often were they. Was your mom sleeping with these folks?
Amy Miller
Oh, yeah.
Caleb Heron
Queen, Queen.
Amy Miller
Of course. They want enough stuffed animals for her fat little kids. Of course.
Caleb Heron
But of course. Oh, my God, I love that. Do you have any of the stuffed animals, though?
Amy Miller
Would be cool. No, no, no. It's like the. The story of my dad dying. It's really. It's really sad. But my mom was like. Like no one could find her. She was out with a suitor. They were married.
Caleb Heron
She was cheating on him.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Was he cheating on her too?
Amy Miller
Was a random guy.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. Well, there was the whole joke that you were the milkman's kid.
Amy Miller
You've heard a lot of my material.
Caleb Heron
And then you. You actually were someone else's kid. But you worked in marketing, not mil man.
Amy Miller
Yeah, he worked in marketing.
Caleb Heron
Nice.
Amy Miller
Until he died.
Caleb Heron
He's dead now?
Amy Miller
Yeah, he died when I was 19. I never met him.
Caleb Heron
Damn, that's horrible.
Amy Miller
But isn't it crazy that I used to work in marketing?
Caleb Heron
That is crazy. Wow. It's in your blood.
Amy Miller
When you're good, you're good. I can't use it for my own shows or career, but I'm great second generation marketer for a tech company. Yeah.
Caleb Heron
What were you doing in tech?
Amy Miller
Marketing.
Caleb Heron
You were doing marketing? Yes. At tech.
Amy Miller
Yeah. You were marketing startups in San Francisco.
Caleb Heron
Damn.
Amy Miller
The whole thing with like the. With like the foosball tables and the. And the cold brew on tap. Were you making a lot of money sexually harassing CEOs? Like classic stuff.
Caleb Heron
Was he cute or did he ever.
Amy Miller
Hear, oh, no, they're all disgusting?
Caleb Heron
He wasn't. Did he harass you or were you. Did you ever hear, oh, yeah. Okay.
Amy Miller
Oh, no. And getting harassed was just part of the deal. Peak Tech San Francisco, you're getting grabbed. Yeah. You gotta ask for more stock options. I'm serious.
Caleb Heron
Peak tech in San Francisco, you're getting grabbed.
Amy Miller
Yeah. But you can drink beer at the office.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. Well, to trade off. That's beautiful. I hate that you went through that honestly, but did you get some stock options out of it?
Amy Miller
I did, yeah. Yes. I made a little bit of money.
Caleb Heron
Okay. Good to know.
Amy Miller
I gave my mom a lot of it.
Caleb Heron
Why?
Amy Miller
That's a great question.
Caleb Heron
She already had the Miata.
Amy Miller
You're. You're generous with your mom.
Caleb Heron
I am.
Amy Miller
You gotta always break something off for Mom.
Caleb Heron
You gotta break off a little piece for Mama.
Amy Miller
For what?
Caleb Heron
Send a little home to Mama.
Amy Miller
They didn't do that much.
Caleb Heron
I think it's best that you don't have kids. I like.
Amy Miller
I love kids, though. I'm so good with kids.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
But I just. And they love me as well, but I don't. Yeah. I'm not doing it. You know why? Because I spent too much time with kids. That's where people fuck up.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
You can't spend time around to try kids out before having them.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. And then, you know too much.
Amy Miller
I know way too much.
Caleb Heron
Amy, I have a question for you.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
What do you want out of. Out of all of this?
Amy Miller
I just want peace and happiness.
Caleb Heron
Globally or for you?
Amy Miller
Yeah, well, me mostly, of course. Globally. Yeah. I just want to chill out, do fun stuff. Go to amusement parks, eat good food.
Caleb Heron
You're going to the amusement parks? Yeah.
Amy Miller
Yeah. I'm gonna get a Universal season pass tomorrow.
Caleb Heron
Really? Oh, beautiful.
Amy Miller
Yeah, Solomon says it pays for itself in two visits.
Caleb Heron
Solomon Giorgio?
Amy Miller
Yeah. Our dear friend, but he's rich, so I don't know. I'm gonna kick off 2025 with, like, no money or plans, but several season passes, and then who's gonna be on top in 2025? That's called a millennial savings account.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
You don't stash the money in investments, you park them in fun investments.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, you park.
Amy Miller
Load up that Dave and Buster's card.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. You know, I don't know if that's great advice.
Amy Miller
Property, you're saying?
Caleb Heron
I'm saying property.
Amy Miller
I can't.
Caleb Heron
A savings account, maybe. High yield.
Amy Miller
I can always sell the season pass if things get tough next year.
Caleb Heron
Can you?
Amy Miller
Yeah. And this, since I'm getting it, Halloween season, it'll include, like, Christmas stuff, Fourth of July. Have you ever seen the decorations at Universal Studios Hollywood?
Caleb Heron
I can't say I have.
Amy Miller
During the holiday season.
Caleb Heron
I can't say that I have.
Amy Miller
It's gorgeous.
Caleb Heron
Worth it.
Amy Miller
Yes.
Caleb Heron
What's a season pass run like?
Amy Miller
180.
Caleb Heron
That's not bad at all.
Amy Miller
That's what I'm saying.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. It might pay for itself on one.
Amy Miller
Trip to get into the park.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. Do you get guest passes with it?
Amy Miller
Yeah. Damn discounted guests. We'll go.
Caleb Heron
I'm not gonna come, but I want you to have a Lot of fun over there.
Amy Miller
You haven't seen Super Mario World?
Caleb Heron
It's just not the kind of stuff I do. Oh, I just got asked to go to the Ren Faire.
Amy Miller
Maybe this is why we never hang out.
Caleb Heron
Never been so insulted. Ever. Got asked to go to the Ren Faire.
Amy Miller
We liked it. Look at these gorgeous trees.
Caleb Heron
That is beautiful. That is beautiful.
Amy Miller
Yeah. And you're going to be calling me up.
Caleb Heron
I don't think I will. I don't think I will. I don't want to go there because there's a lot of, like, disgruntled families. No.
Amy Miller
Yeah. Well, you gotta go at night. They serve. And they serve beer there.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. There's Minions. That's kind of fun.
Amy Miller
I love a minion.
Caleb Heron
You do? You really do.
Amy Miller
I never saw any of those movies till, like, last year. I was laughing.
Caleb Heron
You liked it.
Amy Miller
Oh, yeah.
Caleb Heron
Well, they're just funny little guys.
Amy Miller
They're really funny little guys. And they're just. Yeah. Dancing and singing, you know? I love fat kids. There's nothing cuter. That's what a minion is to me. Your overalls are really tight and you talk weird.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
That's so cute.
Caleb Heron
You're a fat kid.
Amy Miller
Yeah. I. I'm. I don't know if I'm happy that my sisters and I didn't really have YouTube or really bummed because what would be cuter than having filmed the things we were doing?
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Coordinated dances to a Mariah Carey song. You know what I mean? I want to see that footage. When I see a little fat kid at an amusement park where I am often and. Or the beach, I'm like, buddy, if you're getting bullied, it's because everybody knows you're the most charming motherfucker out here. And adults are giving you what you want because you're so cute. And that's why other kids are mean. If you're currently being bullied and you're fat and in elementary school, it's because you're the cutest kid there.
Caleb Heron
Is there anything else you want to say to kids getting bullied? They might be watching.
Amy Miller
Fight back. And if you can't physically fight back, just steal from them.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Steal from the bullies.
Caleb Heron
Your advice to these fat little bullied kids is to fight back and steal.
Amy Miller
What else?
Caleb Heron
That's beautiful.
Amy Miller
And accept the. The candy and gifts from adults because they want to give them to you because you're so fucking cute.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. Huh. Okay.
Amy Miller
I actually wasn't really a fat kid.
Caleb Heron
Really?
Amy Miller
But I wanted stolen valor. Yeah. I was fat My sisters did it. And then I was, like, kind of chubby, but not really like.
Caleb Heron
Your sisters did it as in, they were fat. I think I might have some fat little kid pictures of my phone. They did it so much.
Amy Miller
They were so cute.
Caleb Heron
I was a fat little kid.
Amy Miller
I worship them.
Caleb Heron
Look at this guy.
Amy Miller
I mean, that's. What's cuter than that, that I'm giving that kid cash, candy and gifts.
Caleb Heron
People liked him. People did like him. I mean, would you hang out with him?
Amy Miller
Yeah, of course. I just want to cry seeing it.
Caleb Heron
Look at him. That, and you said I'm not pure. You don't think he's pure of heart?
Amy Miller
No, I do think he was.
Caleb Heron
What? Something changed along the way. Amy, I have a segment for you. Don't read these. Don't look at these. Don't look at these. Don't cheat. Okay. I'm gonna read you 15 statements. Tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false.
Amy Miller
Okay.
Caleb Heron
Speed is of the essence.
Amy Miller
Okay.
Caleb Heron
If you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.
Amy Miller
Who decides what's correct?
Caleb Heron
The answer. Don't piss me off.
Amy Miller
Are these facts or feelings?
Caleb Heron
Facts. They're not feelings. Okay. Chauncey Billups is the current head coach of the Portland Trailblazers.
Amy Miller
Correct.
Caleb Heron
True. The movie the Iron Giant came out in 1999.
Amy Miller
True.
Caleb Heron
True. There are no reptiles in Sweden.
Amy Miller
False.
Caleb Heron
False. Oakland is the third most populous city in Alameda County.
Amy Miller
False.
Caleb Heron
False. It's the most populous. Neil Armstrong drank Pepsi on the surface of the moon.
Amy Miller
Yes.
Caleb Heron
False. Lance Armstrong's nickname is Big Tex. True. Only four US Presidents have visited Antarctica.
Amy Miller
True.
Caleb Heron
False. None of them have squirrels. Mate for life.
Amy Miller
False.
Caleb Heron
False. A female picks a new mate each year. Burger King is older than Wendy's.
Amy Miller
True.
Caleb Heron
True. Earth is gradually rotating slower each year.
Amy Miller
True.
Caleb Heron
True. Box mucking is the national sport of New Zealand.
Amy Miller
True.
Caleb Heron
False. Rugby, last comic standing, ran for nine seasons.
Amy Miller
True.
Caleb Heron
True. There are over 1,000 bridges that cross the Amazon River.
Amy Miller
False.
Caleb Heron
False. No bridges cross it. Aretha Franklin was the first woman inducted into the Rock and Roll hall of Fame.
Amy Miller
False.
Caleb Heron
True. Anteaters are extinct.
Amy Miller
False.
Caleb Heron
False. How'd she do? Wow. You did it. Wow.
Amy Miller
I'm so smart.
Caleb Heron
You did it. You really are so smart.
Amy Miller
Thank you.
Caleb Heron
You really, really are.
Amy Miller
Thanks.
Caleb Heron
That's beautiful. Well, you know, we ask a lot of people. We ask everyone on this show. It's the title of the show, so True with Caleb Heron.
Amy Miller
Okay.
Caleb Heron
What is so true to you, Amy.
Amy Miller
Miller, that you are actually Pure of heart.
Caleb Heron
You didn't prep this answer, did you? You?
Amy Miller
No. No one told me.
Caleb Heron
You're winging it.
Amy Miller
No one told me to prep anything. Which I loved about it.
Caleb Heron
Time out. Time out.
Amy Miller
That's not a good one.
Caleb Heron
That's a really beautiful one. That's a really beautiful one. Do I do want to know what you think of me?
Amy Miller
Are we timing out? Are we still going?
Caleb Heron
No, we're never timed out.
Amy Miller
Are we recording?
Caleb Heron
We're always recording.
Amy Miller
I just. I'm so proud of you.
Caleb Heron
No, I am. You wouldn't possibly be earnest right now.
Amy Miller
I am.
Caleb Heron
I'm proud of you.
Amy Miller
I'm usually earnest.
Caleb Heron
Not in my experience.
Amy Miller
Oh, what am I, sarcastic? That's the worst person.
Caleb Heron
No, I think.
Amy Miller
Oh, okay. This is so true to me. Sarcasm, not cute.
Caleb Heron
Whoa.
Amy Miller
Nobody wants to be around it.
Caleb Heron
Oh, I like that. Say more.
Amy Miller
I don't know if I'm maybe on the spectrum undiagnosed, but I hate it because I just assume people are telling the truth at all times. And I am mostly earnest and sincere, but people don't always know.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, I love that. You're like, I might be on the spectrum. And then you're like, what's so true to me is bright lights have gotta go. No more being loud in public. And also, I can't read facial expressions. Stop counting on me to do it.
Amy Miller
Better not chew around me.
Caleb Heron
What's so true to me is that I really love model trains.
Amy Miller
Okay, Sarcasm is a wall. It's a boundary. It's communicating that you don't want to get close to anybody and you want to trick people.
Caleb Heron
Trick.
Amy Miller
I don't. I never expect, like, it's so exhausting when someone just like, oh, I'm so sure, or whatever. Like, I don't.
Caleb Heron
What was that? Your sarcasm to you.
Amy Miller
As if you know that kind of person.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, you're kind of doing me.
Amy Miller
No, no. You're sincere. You're earnest.
Caleb Heron
I am.
Amy Miller
You're the earnestness. Earnest, earnest, earnest.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
No sarcasm for you, huh?
Amy Miller
It's a real panty dryer.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. And we like when the pennies are wet.
Amy Miller
I just believe what people are telling me. And so, I don't know. I'm just gullible. And I feel like when people are doing sarcastic stuff or trickery, like. Like trickery with low stakes.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
I hate nothing more.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Like, I just had just met a comic, and, like, I was in out of town, and I don't know, I just, like, showed up to the club and this. This kid was just like, Shows canceled. And I was like, oh, no. And he's like, just kidding. And I'm like, fun. Why?
Caleb Heron
Oh, if that had happened, I wouldn't have been able to pay my rent this month, so.
Amy Miller
But it's not funny or interesting or helping us get to know each other. I just never want to talk to you again.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. How'd the rest of the night go?
Amy Miller
Just kidding.
Caleb Heron
Did you guys make friends?
Amy Miller
Yeah, it was fine. You know what I mean, though?
Caleb Heron
Shows cancel. I absolutely know what you mean.
Amy Miller
If you want to stay alone, be sarcastic.
Caleb Heron
No small stakes trickery around you.
Amy Miller
Is that a good. So true.
Caleb Heron
If you want to stay alone, be sarcastic. I like that.
Amy Miller
Okay. Are you being. I love that. That's so good.
Caleb Heron
Nice one.
Amy Miller
Really? Seems like you prepared for this question.
Caleb Heron
Who are you voting for?
Amy Miller
Kamala Harris.
Caleb Heron
Really?
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Tim Walls, comma Harris and JD Vance.
Amy Miller
She's from Oakland. You know, I have to.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. No choice.
Amy Miller
That's the only reason.
Caleb Heron
That's the only thing. I love that. That's beautiful.
Amy Miller
Yeah. Tim's from Nebraska. It's like, you know, it's like me and my dude, kind of. Except they're not fucking, as far as we know.
Caleb Heron
Know who's not?
Amy Miller
Harrison Walls, Are they? I don't think they are.
Caleb Heron
He's for type, definitely.
Amy Miller
You think so?
Caleb Heron
I think if anything is happening, it's he. So if anything's happening, Tim and Doug are. And. And K is watching if anything's happening, but I doubt anything's happening. Hot Wendy might be. Is. What's her name? Wendy Gwyn. What's his wife's name? Gwendy.
Amy Miller
Gwen. Gwendolyn. Gwendy.
Caleb Heron
Gwendolyn. Gwendy.
Amy Miller
Gwendolyn Gwen Walsh.
Caleb Heron
She wouldn't watch. She would condemn. She would condemn it.
Amy Miller
This is a fun. See, this is a fun, like, hypothetical, jokey situation we're talking about. Maybe if Harris and Walls were. That's fun. If you were like, I read an article today that Harris and Waltz are. I would never talk to you again.
Caleb Heron
I want you to look into that spectrum stuff. I want you to look into that spectrum stuff because you just said. Okay, you and I are joking about a topic, and that's quite enjoyable. That was one of the most Spectrum things I've ever heard. We are friends, sharing laughs. Yeah, that was pretty spectrum y. I like that.
Amy Miller
Thanks. My little cousin explained the amusement park stuff.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. But also explain that my little cousin's on the spectrum and he's a lot of fun. He's like. Takes things pretty literally.
Amy Miller
Oh, yeah. Same with my niece. She's hilarious, though.
Caleb Heron
He's spoken. He's taken really to, like. So I have an on the spectrum little cousin. And I have a gay little cousin. And gay little cousin's an icon. We love him. But spectrum on the cousin. Spectrum on the cousin. On the spectrum cousin, he's gotten really into percentages, and so he'll tell people, like, he'll be like, sorry, I'm 50% paying attention to you and 50% thinking about something else I want to do. And he'll say that out loud to you. It's fucking awesome.
Amy Miller
It's fucking awesome. I love that. The honesty. Yeah. It's gotten us into some fun situations. My. My niece was asking me, like, why I broke up with my last boyfriend, whom she knew, obviously. And I was like, oh, you know, sometimes you just have to, like, move on if things are more negative than positive or more, like, conflict than peace or whatever. And. And she was like, yeah, you don't want to end up like my mom. Moms hating each other every day. And I was like, okay.
Caleb Heron
No way. Moms.
Amy Miller
Yeah, yeah. Two moms. She was. Her dad's in Kansas City. Her sperm dad and his partner husband.
Caleb Heron
Two moms.
Amy Miller
Two moms, two dads. Huh.
Caleb Heron
Interesting.
Amy Miller
And she really.
Caleb Heron
Sorry. Is that sick to anyone else?
Amy Miller
Yeah, her dad's family.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Who excommunicated him sick.
Caleb Heron
That's awesome.
Amy Miller
For giving a baby to lesbians.
Caleb Heron
Nice. That's fucking awesome.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
But he's allowed to be a gay guy.
Amy Miller
No, they don't like that either.
Caleb Heron
It's like, he's allowed to be gay guy, but he can't help lesbians have baby. That's crazy.
Amy Miller
No, no. And now she's, you know, autistic, so they're like, see the baby? See what happens when you don't have a child under God?
Caleb Heron
They think autistic baby is because they weren't. Okay, got it.
Amy Miller
It's not outside of the realm of possibility.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. I'm just glad they didn't like him being gay either. I want it to be consistent. Homophobic.
Amy Miller
Oh, they hate it.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
They hate when anyone does it. You the most.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, they wouldn't like me. I'm doing it all the time. I'm being gay, like, most of the time.
Amy Miller
It's so, like. I don't know. It's just so silly. It's so funny. I mean, I grew up, obviously, around those Christians. Yeah. I never bought into that part, not liking gay people.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, well, that's because you're a little gay.
Amy Miller
I know. Well. And I Did choir, like, who am I going to be friends with?
Caleb Heron
Yeah, we need to like gay people. It's the only people we have to talk to. No, I think it's really. I really do think homophobia is so funny because it's just like silly gay people are the most like delightful, creative, wonderful people. And you're mad at them.
Amy Miller
Not all of them.
Caleb Heron
No, all of them, Amy. All of them. No. But as a community, overall, most gay people are. I just. It's like, oh, that's fun.
Amy Miller
Fun. Yeah, I know. It's really silly.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Because for what?
Caleb Heron
Big hand movements, where stuff's going in holes, Their little voices.
Amy Miller
It's silly to put anything in any hole. Like we're all just animals.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
Old timey.
Caleb Heron
Old timey even.
Amy Miller
Do you think the dick sucking robots are gonna come soon?
Caleb Heron
I don't want them.
Amy Miller
You're not gonna use one?
Caleb Heron
No. Because if you program something to suck your dick, that removes the whole purpose. It's like, like I don't. I can't do sex workers. All my love to them. I hope that they're well. But it's like if you're paid to be here, the fun of getting my dick sucked is that you want to be sucking my dick.
Amy Miller
Whoa.
Caleb Heron
Or that I want to be sucking your dick. Or that we want to be sucking each other's dicks. It's like if you're paid to be here or if you're programmed to be here, well, that's not fun. It's like there's a consent piece of it that I have questions about but could, you know, can come around on like, sex workers. It's like there is consent there, but it does still feel to me like, I don't know, I don't. Like there's the enthusiastic consent to, like, only being here because we both want to make each other come. That's the fun part. To me.
Amy Miller
Yeah. Yeah, to you.
Caleb Heron
To me. You disagree? You want the robots.
Amy Miller
I don't know that. I don't know that I would engage with a robot. I just need help. I need help.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
I need help with the day.
Caleb Heron
I love that the through line of this episode is you being like someone else has got us like, my boyfriend's dick. I can't keep doing it.
Amy Miller
DM me.
Caleb Heron
Well, also, I think people think, oh, dick sucking robots might fix incels, but it won't. Because incels problem is not that their dick isn't being sucked. Their problem is that they hate women. They're disrespected because they're losers.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Like they don't actually just need their dick physically sucked. They need something spiritually different to happen with them. They're such losers.
Amy Miller
Yeah, they're sarcastic.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, they're sarcastic. It's. Yeah, it's something else going on there.
Amy Miller
There's walls up.
Caleb Heron
I hope we get. There's 10 walls up I hope that we get dick sucking robots just so that you can have some peace in the home.
Amy Miller
Yeah. Yeah, it is peaceful in my home. But you know, it just. I just need a little hand.
Caleb Heron
You just. Your skull needs a break.
Amy Miller
Which I'd be fine with a sex worker as well. But I don't. I don't know. Am I heartless? I. I'm fine. Some. Not with my boyfriend. But like. Like I guess when I was hoeing around, I was okay with some just like get the job done sex. That wasn't like connecting that bad.
Caleb Heron
I don't understand what you mean.
Amy Miller
Maybe because I don't respect straight men.
Caleb Heron
Well, yeah.
Amy Miller
None of us should that if it's just like a. It's just like sometimes they're just a shell to me. Oh yeah. It means to an end.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. I don't think the language is great, but I think the politics are probably okay. Yeah.
Amy Miller
And they make sense. Sense.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. A little bit of taking back the power type thing.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. That's beautiful.
Amy Miller
I guess. Yeah. I don't. But I've had casual sex with women too. I don't know. It's all fine.
Caleb Heron
How did it feel to have casual sex with women? Did that feel disrespectful?
Amy Miller
Oh, great. No, no, I wasn't disrespecting that.
Caleb Heron
Just kind of a sisterhood moment. Traveling pants girls growing out. Yeah.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Oh, that's beautiful. I often look at my lesbian friends and I'll just be in the middle of a dinner and I'll be like, God, I would do anything for us to want to each other other. It would be so easy. You're the only person I want to hang out with.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
It'd be so nice if we wanted to each other. I could just wrap everything up with a bow and be done.
Amy Miller
I know.
Caleb Heron
But instead I have to go out and forage every.
Amy Miller
I feel that about my. My gay friends sometimes as well.
Caleb Heron
Gay guy friends.
Amy Miller
Yeah.
Caleb Heron
Nice.
Amy Miller
But they don't want to me Solomon. Oh yeah. Are you kidding me? What a catch.
Caleb Heron
Yeah.
Amy Miller
I would do anything for Solomon. I would his dick right now. He wouldn't like it.
Caleb Heron
Yeah. Would you?
Amy Miller
Probably.
Caleb Heron
Really?
Amy Miller
Well, yeah. Why not? Because he's not enjoying it. You think I won't? I gotta get mine. You Solomon. I'm gonna let me your dick.
Caleb Heron
Let Amy your dick.
Amy Miller
We're friends at Universal. At Universal with our season passes in.
Caleb Heron
Hand that pay off in two trips. Amy, I. I love you so much.
Amy Miller
I love you so much.
Caleb Heron
Tell the people where they can find you.
Amy Miller
Oh, yeah. Just follow me on Instagram. Amy Miller comedy. And I tour all the time. You can come see me.
Caleb Heron
You should go see Amy. You do tour all the time.
Amy Miller
Yeah, I know. And I'll see you at Caleb's next show. I'll be wearing a suit. And I will have bought a plane ticket.
Caleb Heron
And some merch.
Amy Miller
And a gift.
Caleb Heron
And some merch, I hope. I can't believe the fact that you have Steve's merch and not mine is so sick.
Amy Miller
Well, I need to get it.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, you guys been friends for a lot longer and that type of thing, but. But, man, that hurt.
Amy Miller
I'll buy some, but I want to buy it in person. I'm not gonna pay shipping fees.
Caleb Heron
Okay. All right, well, I love you.
Amy Miller
I might get lost in the mail.
Caleb Heron
Yeah, nice. Nice save. I love you. Thanks for being on.
Amy Miller
I love you so much.
Caleb Heron
That was a Headgum podcast. Hey. Hey, everyone. I'm Dan L. And I'm Nick Nanny. And we are the hosts of Chicken Padme John, now on Head Gum. It's the very first podcast for and about Italian Americans. That's right. But if you're not Italian American, you can listen to. I guess I suppose we can let you in, cut you a deal. We're talking about all sorts of crazy topics on this. Who's a better cook, Nonna or Mama? Who you got in that fight, Nona or Mama? I mean, I can't say bad about non or else she smacked me across head. We got some great guests on the show. We got Wayne diamond, we got Edie Modica, we got Mike Hanford, and our wife. Severely so. Subscribe to Chicken Parmesan on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocket Cast, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Thursday.
Summary of "Amy Miller Wants to Be Invisible" - So True with Caleb Hearon
Release Date: November 21, 2024
In this lively episode of "So True with Caleb Hearon," host Caleb Heron engages in a candid and humorous conversation with guest Amy Miller. The duo navigates through personal histories, relationship dynamics, career challenges, and societal observations, all infused with their trademark wit and authenticity.
Amy opens up about her childhood and family struggles, particularly focusing on her mother's coping mechanisms after the passing of Amy's father. At [01:45], Amy shares:
Amy Miller [01:45]: "She was partying. I know, it's really sad. Yeah. My dad died and then she used his pension to buy a red Mazda Miata and two seats, four kids."
Caleb reflects on their shared but infrequent interactions due to their busy lives:
Caleb Heron [02:08]: "No, that's not true. We're both just on the move a lot."
The conversation delves into the challenges of maintaining friendships amidst hectic schedules. Amy expresses a desire to reconnect more frequently:
Amy Miller [02:24]: "I'm going to be in town more in the next few months."
Caleb acknowledges the physical distance and the impact it has on their relationship, highlighting the complexities of staying connected in the entertainment industry.
Amy discusses her experiences in the tech and nonprofit sectors, emphasizing the financial unpredictability inherent in the entertainment world:
Amy Miller [13:53]: "Entertainment is expensive. It's expensive to perform. They take our money."
Caleb concurs, pointing out the reliance on merchandise sales and other revenue streams to sustain artistic careers:
Caleb Heron [14:00]: "Nice. You spent that."
Exploring the nuances of modern relationships, Caleb contemplates the idea of marrying Amy, blending humor with sincerity:
Amy Miller [17:15]: "Yeah, I think we will get married."
They humorously navigate the logistical challenges of attending each other's weddings, given their frequent relocations for performances and tours.
Amy brings up the super moon's effect on her menstrual cycle, interweaving personal experience with playful banter:
Amy Miller [06:07]: "I know that it does change when my period starts."
Caleb engages with the topic, adding his own humorous takes on astrology and celestial phenomena.
The duo touches on themes of mental health, with Amy expressing a yearning for peace and happiness amidst life's chaos:
Amy Miller [48:03]: "I just want peace and happiness."
Caleb empathizes, sharing his own struggles and coping mechanisms, fostering a relatable and supportive dialogue.
Amy and Caleb employ humor to address broader societal issues, including homophobia and misunderstandings related to mental health:
Amy Miller [62:14]: "It's so silly to put anything in any hole. Like we're all just animals."
Caleb Heron [64:21]: "Having a small penis doesn't make you evil."
Their lighthearted yet poignant remarks offer insightful commentary on societal norms and personal identity.
As the episode draws to a close, Amy and Caleb discuss upcoming projects and personal plans, maintaining their engaging and affectionate rapport:
Amy Miller [66:54]: "Just follow me on Instagram. Amy Miller comedy. And I tour all the time. You can come see me."
Caleb expresses his support and admiration, wrapping up the conversation on a heartfelt note.
Amy Miller [03:16]: "I'm gonna buy a helicopter. Just to get places on time in this town."
Caleb Heron [05:12]: "I wasn't gonna have kids, so what do I need any of this for?"
Amy Miller [17:07]: "I'm gonna give my boyfriend's dick a break."
"Amy Miller Wants to Be Invisible" encapsulates a blend of heartfelt revelations and sharp humor, offering listeners an intimate glimpse into the lives of two friends navigating the demands of personal growth and professional aspirations. Through their engaging conversation, Amy and Caleb provide relatable insights and laughter, making the episode both entertaining and meaningful for audiences.