Joyelle Nicole Johnson is Protecting Her Peace

Summary

Podcast Summary: So True with Caleb Hearon - Episode: Joyelle Nicole Johnson is Protecting Her Peace

Host & Guest

• Caleb Hearon: Beloved gay comedian and host of "So True with Caleb Hearon" on Headgum.
• Joyelle Nicole Johnson: Comedian, voice actress, and guest for this episode.

Release Date: April 3, 2025

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1. Introduction and Catching Up (00:02 – 03:50)

Caleb Hearon opens the episode by emphasizing the commonalities among people despite their differences, stating, “There are differences in people, but the differences are not. There's more in common. People want to pay their bills, they want to hang out with their friends, they want to take care of their family” ([00:02]).

Key Discussions:

• Shared Human Experiences: Caleb and Joyelle discuss the universal desires to support oneself, maintain friendships, and care for family.
• Humorous Job Anecdotes: Joyelle shares her struggles with employment, humorously recounting her experience quitting a position due to unreasonable expectations. Caleb echoes similar sentiments, detailing his own challenges with employment and the importance of workplace camaraderie.

Notable Quotes:

• Joyelle: “If you don't like gays, you ain't met a fun one” ([00:15]).
• Caleb: “I'm a comedian for sure. Don't. It's a fake job” ([01:14]).

2. Experiences with Racism and Travel (03:50 – 33:53)

After a brief commercial break, the conversation delves into more personal and poignant topics, primarily focusing on experiences with racism and the challenges of traveling as a Black individual.

Key Discussions:

• Racial Discrimination in Burlington, Vermont: Joyelle recounts being racially discriminated against twice in Burlington, highlighting the hostile environment she faced.

  Joyelle: “I got racially discriminated against not once, but twice” ([10:21]).

• Caleb's Flight Discrimination Incident: Caleb shares a frustrating encounter with a flight attendant who questioned his first-class status, leading to his phone being taken from the plane.

  Caleb: “You're so racist. Your brain has actually stopped being able to work” ([12:06]).

• Travel Safety and Experiences: Both hosts discuss the altered landscape of traveling post-election, expressing concerns about safety and the pervasive nature of racism in various regions.

Notable Quotes:

• Joyelle: “Being Black in Burlington, that is crazy” ([16:11]).
• Caleb: “We are checking out. It's all checking out” ([15:25]).
• Joyelle: “I never know what type of white person I'm talking to” ([20:48]).
• Caleb: “I love Paris” ([26:10]).

3. Personal Growth and Protecting Peace (33:53 – 51:55)

The discussion transitions to personal well-being, sources of joy, and strategies for maintaining mental health amidst societal challenges.

Key Discussions:

• Omakase as a Source of Joy: Both Caleb and Joyelle express their love for omakase—a Japanese dining experience where the chef selects the dishes—highlighting it as a cherished ritual that brings them joy and relaxation.

  Joyelle: “Omakase is my life” ([34:13]).

• Travel Aspirations and Plans: Joyelle shares her upcoming trip to Paris with her mother, inspired by icons like Josephine Baker, seeking a respite from the challenges in the U.S.

  Joyelle: “I'm looking into it. I want to become a digital nomad” ([24:02]).

• Setting Boundaries and Personal Growth: Reflecting on aging, both hosts discuss the importance of setting boundaries, saying no, and protecting their peace. Joyelle emphasizes the empowerment that comes with asserting her needs and distancing herself from negative influences.

  Joyelle: “I have less to give about things” ([48:42]).

  Caleb: “I'm not going to spend it hanging out with people or doing hang out” ([51:29]).

Notable Quotes:

• Joyelle: “I need to get it tattooed on my forehead” ([19:56]).
• Caleb: “You start with no and see what we find” ([50:48]).
• Joyelle: “Leave me alone if you see me in the street” ([53:57]).

4. Interactive Segments and Closing Thoughts (51:55 – End)

Dream Analysis:

• Caleb and Joyelle engage in a discussion about dreams, exploring their significance and personal interpretations.

  Joyelle: “I always have the dream where I'm trying to catch a flight” ([40:56]).

  Caleb: “Something is meant in there” ([41:25]).

Sleep Challenges:

• Both hosts share their struggles with sleep, discussing anxiety-related insomnia and ineffective remedies like melatonin and Benadryl.

  Joyelle: “I can't get an ounce of sleep” ([43:59]).

  Caleb: “We can't have that for you” ([43:42]).

True or False Quiz:

• Caleb hosts a “True or False” segment, challenging Joyelle with 15 statements.

  Caleb: “Earth is the only known planet where fire occurs” ([55:30]).

  Joyelle: “False” ([55:47]).

  Caleb: “Polar bears can smell a seal from up to 20 miles away” ([56:22]).

  Joyelle: “True” ([56:22]).

Final Thoughts:

• Joyelle promotes her album "Yell Joy" and her special "Love Joy" available on Peacock.

  Joyelle: “My album is Yell Joy. It is on all of the streaming sites” ([60:20]).

• Caleb and Joyelle conclude with reflections on personal boundaries, friendships, and the importance of authenticity.

---

Conclusion

In this episode of "So True with Caleb Hearon," Caleb and Joyelle Nicole Johnson delve deep into personal experiences with racism, the complexities of travel as Black individuals, and the journey towards personal growth and peace. Through candid conversations, humorous anecdotes, and interactive segments, they offer listeners a blend of entertainment and profound insights into navigating life's challenges while maintaining one's authenticity and well-being.

Notable Quotes Recap:

• Caleb: “There are differences in people, but the differences are not. There's more in common” ([00:02]).
• Joyelle: “Omakase is my life” ([34:13]).
• Caleb: “Leave me alone” ([54:49]).

---

References:

• Podcast: So True with Caleb Hearon
• Guests: Joyelle Nicole Johnson
• Platform: Headgum

Transcript

[Caleb Hearon]

This is a Headgum podcast. Like, there are differences in people, but the differences are not. There's more in common. There's more in common. People want to pay their bills, they want to hang out with their friends, they want to take care of their family.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely. That's it.

[Caleb Hearon]

Everything else is just fun.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why I say, like, if you don't like gays, you ain't met a fun one.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Joyel.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Hey, boo.

[Caleb Hearon]

What's going on?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, my gosh. I'm here. I did it.

[Caleb Hearon]

You did it. I'm so happy to see you.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I'm so happy to see you too.

[Caleb Hearon]

I haven't seen you, I don't think, since we shared a joint in your car outside the Bell house.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That sounds about right. That sounds like us.

[Caleb Hearon]

That sounds like something that actually sounds like us. What's going on with you? What have you been up to here in the world?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I'm in New York. I should probably not leave Brooklyn too often.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, yeah, no, let's keep it. Let's stay in Brooklyn.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes. I like that bubble. I love the bubble of Brooklyn. I came to the city for you to do, darling.

[Caleb Hearon]

Hey, trust me. I've been trying to get Headgum to move this office. I said let's move the studio to Brooklyn. It's. It's a podcasting studio. We all live in Brooklyn.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, everybody does. No one lives anywhere else, right?

[Caleb Hearon]

No one's over here. We're coming into the city. What am I, a finance guy, right? What do I. What do I run Wall Street?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Who do I have a job, right?

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't. And I do not have a job. I'm a comedian for sure. Don't. It's a fake job. The one I have.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No, no, no, no. We would get fired. I assume you as well.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, and I. And I did.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And die.

[Caleb Hearon]

And I did.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Same Z. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I was not good at being employed.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No, no, no, no. I wasn't good at them saying, you have to be here at this time. And I was like, no, I'll get there. Ish.

[Caleb Hearon]

That. I had a coworker. I don't want to say her name, cuz I don't know if she'd want me blowing up her spot that way. But I had a coworker in Chicago who was a little bit older than me and very good at her job, and she would come in an hour and a half late and I. I would do the same thing cuz she was doing it, you know, I was like. I woke up to her and I kept getting in trouble, but she wasn't. And I was like. I was. I. We go to lunch together all the time. And I was like. I was like, how do you get away with this? Because you're so. She was like, well, number one, I'm very good at my job, and you're not doing a very good job. And I was like, period. Okay.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, period.

[Caleb Hearon]

Boop. I was like.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And by the way, she was like.

[Caleb Hearon]

I also stay late if work needs to be done. You come late and then leave early. Do you see?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

You come late, don't do a good job and leave early.

[Caleb Hearon]

I said, yeah, you are correct. Sounds great. Thank you.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And a good day to you.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. I said, absolutely. She said, yeah, start doing a better job, they'll probably leave you alone. I said, yeah, sounds good. Okay.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And I won't.

[Caleb Hearon]

And I said, I'm quitting.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, yes. That's the best for all of us.

[Caleb Hearon]

And I did. I actually stayed at that job a little longer because there was a gumbo truck that used to stop in front of the building that I really liked. And so I was like, I'll stay for an extra two months just to keep eating lunch at the gumbo truck. Gumbo truck. It was awesome. Dude. In Chicago, these guys, Chicago winter, they would come and they would just have these big ass bowls of, you know, all the good, like, really, really good gumbo that had big pieces of andouille and shrimp in it. They put shrimp in which a lot of places that are doing gumbo, they skimp on the shrimp. Unless it's, you know, and they big fat pieces of okra. And I would just. Every day in the Chicago winter.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

In like zero degrees. I'd go get a bowl of it and come back up to the office and just.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And then be comatose the rest of the day.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I love that. Yeah, I. I love going to Chicago. I go there a lot.

[Caleb Hearon]

Really? Oh, I love Chicago. Where do you play when you go there?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

They would take weight. Wait out there.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I'd be at the Studebaker.

[Caleb Hearon]

That thing's old.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

It is old. And the hotel that we stay in is old, too. It's one of them hotels like old white men, like a senator would like, you know.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I like those hotels.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I like a boutique. I like a cute little. I like a moxie. I like a. You know, I need. I need a bar at the bottom. That's like trendy.

[Caleb Hearon]

Something happening down there. Yeah. People that don't even stay at the hotel come In.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, exactly that. Exactly that. That's what I like.

[Caleb Hearon]

See, my rule on hotels is it needs to have been built in the last 50 years and it needs to be four star or better.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. Because it feel. They feel haunted sometimes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

There's a hotel in. I think it was Cleveland that used to be like a mall. And it looks like the inside of a ship. It's so big, but now it's a kind of abandoned.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I slept with the light on. I was like, the ghost ain't getting me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Don't come in Joyell's room. Thank you very much.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I was like, if they gonna be in here, I ain't gonna see them, you know? Cause the lights is on.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Cause that's the ghost trick. If that's how they get the lights is on, they ain't gonna get you.

[Caleb Hearon]

If it's dark, you can see them and then.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. And they gonna get you in the dark.

[Caleb Hearon]

Did you. What. What was the last. What was the last, like regular job you had? You nannied for like upper west side kids, right? Or taught yoga or something?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I did, I did. I taught at a school that wasn't like a real school. It was all one on one instruction. It was all very pretend. It was like babysitting. Qualified babysitting. Yeah, that was. Yeah, that was the last job. I. And I quit that job.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Before they had a chance to find. Yes. It was a very dramatic quitting too. I enjoyed that. How'd you do it? Well, so set the scene. I could blow up this spot because the head of the school, that's what they called the principal, the head of the school. And it was this white woman who had never had a job before. So she, like, it was her first job was head of the school.

[Caleb Hearon]

They find themselves in that position a lot.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

They really do.

[Caleb Hearon]

White women find themselves in charge of stuff a lot when they've never done something.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

When they've never done something. Not knowing the DEI is about them too.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

So this lady, she was crazy. And for example, like, a lot of rich kids would come and Bowie Iman came one day and she was like considering her daughter to come to the school. So she comes up to me and she's like, okay, so do you know the model Iman? And I was like, yeah. She's like, well, she's coming to the school today. So I was like, okay, so what?

[Caleb Hearon]

So what?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And then she was just like, you know, I just wanted to like, let you know. And I was like, okay. I immediately go to my friends Cause I was one of the only black teachers. I was like, did she come in here and tell y'all that mom was coming today? And they were like, no. Said this goofy bitch. What did she think I was gonna do?

[Caleb Hearon]

She was like, I just want you specifically for no reason, to know.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

To know that the greatest supermodel of all time is coming today. And she walked in looking like a super villain. Her nails were beautiful and long. She had on a sweatsuit with 4 inch stilettos. And I was just like my queen, you know? And, you know, I just acted like a human being. But when I quit, it was because they. We got these little offices, they were all about this size. And they told us to decorate the office. So I was the yoga instructor slash dance teacher. So I decorated the office. I put like movie posters up and all this stuff. She told the boss me, she was like, well, joyell needs to take some of those decorations down because they don't have anything to do with dance and yoga. And I was like, movies don't have anything to do with dance.

[Caleb Hearon]

Pardon?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Okay. So my dramatic ass took all the decorations off the wall.

[Caleb Hearon]

Hey, blank office Blake. Fuck it. Blank office Blake. Since you giving notes, how about you.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Tell me what you want on the wall? Because you told us to decorate. It was like a competition with the teachers to be like, oh, everybody decorate. The math teacher got a game of thrones poster on the wall. What that got to do with game. What that got to do with math? Unless you counting dead bodies and titties. So I took all the shit off. Then I was like, you know what? I should probably quit. Cause then she told my boss again. She was like, okay, could you tell her to put something back up on the walls? I was like, no, you need to let me know what you want on the walls, bitch.

[Caleb Hearon]

How about you come decorate the office?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

How about you come decorate the office? You're so invested, you ain't tell nobody else what to take and what to put on the walls. And I had the kids engaged. Like, they would come, I had quotes, movie quotes on the walls. And they'd be like, oh, wow, what movie is that? Da da da. And all that stuff. And I was like, girl, please. You just trying to control a black woman.

[Caleb Hearon]

It sounds like it, but what you won't do. Yeah, and you know what? We're taking it off the walls.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, absolutely.

[Caleb Hearon]

Get out of here.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I gave two weeks notice. That's the first time I've ever given two weeks notice.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, my God. Did you really? Yes, That's Classic dramatic. Yeah, I like that.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I didn't. I tried to give two weeks notice once and they're like, you can go, yeah, today, please. No, thank you. Like, we're giving you. We wanted you out two weeks ago. No, you're not giving us two weeks.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Not absolutely. Yeah. We're not suited for the. No office.

[Caleb Hearon]

I hung on a lot of places purely. I know, I know for a fact the. The last day job I had. The last day job I had. The last day job I had was in a. I was an administrative assistant at an ad agency. And I know for a fact that I. My boss probably wanted to fire me within the first month. And I hung on for a year. Plus, just because everyone else in the office liked me.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I was a person out. Like, they kept me personality higher. They kept. People have kept taking pay cuts and stuff because the company wasn't doing well. And it was like kind of the company's going under vibes. People kept leaving and stuff. And I was just coming in every day being like, what do we want for lunch, y'all?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Come on.

[Caleb Hearon]

Keeping it going.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

You need that person who. Who we gonna gossip with?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. I was walking around, I was. I was keeping everybody in good spirits. I'm talking shit on the people who need to be talk on.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely. Did you see what she was wearing?

[Caleb Hearon]

I was keeping things going.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Me and the front desk lady had a real rapport. We were making things happen.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. I think my personality kept me in more jobs then I should have stayed the length. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

It definitely kept me in more paychecks than I lost out on because of it. I know that I did lose out on some long term money for sure. Because of the way I am.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

But it kept me in money.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

How you be?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I just have an attitude problem and I don't. I'm not good at being told what to do.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely. No, you can't tell me what to do.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

You can't. No.

[Caleb Hearon]

Even if I want to do it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Right. Because if you tell me to do it now, I don't want to know.

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't want to do it now. I'm mad now. Yeah. Because now it's what, your idea? Now I what, work for you?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Right. You giving me a chance?

[Caleb Hearon]

No, I'm disgusted. And even if they have.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely. Right, absolutely.

[Caleb Hearon]

So, yeah, nobody can get me to do anything. Where you been recently? You've been in. You've been in New York mostly as of late.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I've been traveling outside of the country. I would say the country of Brooklyn. I think we should need passports to get in. I. Yeah, every time I go out, it's. It's been just weird. Especially ever since, you know, that election. I don't feel safe elsewhere. Like, I went to Vermont for New Year's. I got racially discriminated against not once, but twice.

[Caleb Hearon]

In where at?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Burlington, Vermont. Burlington, Vermont.

[Caleb Hearon]

What happened?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I was on the radio.

[Caleb Hearon]

We don't want to talk about that if you don't want to, by the way. I'm like, I'm happy to, but we do not have to, for sure.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I love talking about race. So I got on an airplane and I usually get first class just because that's less room for error. You know what's going on back there? Yeah, it's a free for all back there.

[Caleb Hearon]

When they've overbooked the fight and they start looking at people they need to kill.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

They don't look in my section, they.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Don'T look at my section.

[Caleb Hearon]

So that's why I'm up there. Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes. And it's more of a peace of mind. And it's interesting because the racism be different when you in coach versus first class. Like, first class. White racism is being like, what do you do for a living? They asked me that the second I said that.

[Caleb Hearon]

You know, like, how.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, how, how, why?

[Caleb Hearon]

And frankly, when and where.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, exactly. So I get on this plane and you know how if you're like, if the flight is full, they say you gotta gate check the bag. But they leave room for the first class cabin. So I get on the plane last, usually, and the woman swiped it and she was like, oh, you're first class. So there might be space, but if there isn't, just come back and I'll check your bag. So I get on the plane and it's a white dude, the white steward or whatever. He was like, oh, you need to check that bag. And I was like, oh, the first class looks like it has a room. He was like, no, you need to be seated in first class to put your bag up there. I was like, oh, no. I was like, I am in first class. And he goes, no, your seats need to be in first class. And I was like, did you take. Okay, hold on.

[Caleb Hearon]

This is getting out of control.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

You're so racist. Your brain has actually stopped being able to work.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

To work. You thought I meant I'm in a first class state of mind.

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't know.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What did you mean?

[Caleb Hearon]

He said, no, ma'am, first Class is a situation where he tries to explain it to you.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely. And that shit pissed me off. And then I fucking. So the rest of the flight was just kind of awkward. And I ended up dropping my phone in my seat.

[Caleb Hearon]

Fuck.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I get off the airplane and I was like, oh, I didn't have my phone. I go to the Delta desk, and I was like, oh, my phone. The find my app says, my phone is here. She was like, oh, it's definitely on the plane. Let me call. She walkies to the plane. And it had to be that same steward. He was like, I don't see a phone. And she was like, well, I'm looking at her computer right now. The phone's for sure on the airplane. He was like, I don't see it. And I need to load the next flight. So I watched my phone take off from Burlington to go to jfk. I watched my phone go to Penn Station into Newark, New Jersey. And my phone right now is in Guyana right now.

[Caleb Hearon]

Someone just grabbed it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, I mean, afterwards. Because the cleanup crew. It's a free for all. They tell you. That's why they tell you to get your shit. Cause your shit gonna get jacked.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And I'm like, obviously, people must leave phones all the time. And if you got a dude that's gonna give you 100 bucks for a phone. I got five phones from the flight today. So I messaged Delta about it, and they were just like, oh, our bad. I was like, no, no miles. No miles, no nothing. Oh, they didn't give you anything for it? Nothing, Delta, nothing. So, yeah, I will. I'm trying to, like, switch. Switch the airlines. I got platinum status, and I got platinum status now. You acting like that. So that was the first that was on the way. So I'm in Burlington headlining for New Year's Eve, and I don't have no phone, but luckily I was with my boyfriend, so I was able to be with him and go through phone with him. I get to the hotel after the shows. Had two great shows. It was great. Couple of us go back to my room. We're talking spiritedly. We're not quiet, but we're also not blasting music. It's not like, Mitch Hedberg. You know what I'm saying?

[Caleb Hearon]

It's a hotel.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

It's a hotel. It's New Year's Eve. Dude, bangs on the door, you too loud. And if you don't be quiet, I'm calling the police. Like, start it with the police.

[Caleb Hearon]

Employee.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Employee of the hotel. Started with, I'm calling The cops on you. And I was like, ayo, first of all, we're about to go to sleep. It was maybe like 2:00 in the morning. And I was like, but also, who fuck is you talking to, Right?

[Caleb Hearon]

Are you crazy?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Like, are you crazy? He was like, you can get kicked out of the hotel. And I was like, sure, whatever. So we wrap up our conversations. I ended up getting into an argument and losing a friend that night. It was a crazy weekend. And he came back.

[Caleb Hearon]

You can never go back to Vermont.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, no, this is the greatest part. So he comes back and he was like. I said like, he's my father. I was like, I don't care what you say. He's like, well, I'm calling the police. You need to leave the hotel. He was trying to kick me out of the hotel. New year's Eve at 3am I was like, I'm not leaving. And he's like, well, then I'll call the police. I was like, call him. And I slammed the door on his face. He did not call the police. The next day, we're packing up to leave. They called the room and they were like, you need to leave the premises. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's how hotels work.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, we're checking out. It's all checking out.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

We're checking out.

[Caleb Hearon]

We were gonna do that.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Ye walk downstairs and this, like, very piffy, fabulous little country gay man hands me a piece of paper and he goes, we're trespassing. You. I was like, what does that mean? I have a document that says I can no longer go to the.

[Caleb Hearon]

No.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

In Burlington.

[Caleb Hearon]

What are you gonna do? Oh, that's horrible. In Burlington.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I am framing that. They put my whole government name on the thing. And they had like, a little insignia from the Burlington Police Department. And next to it, it said, this is not an official police document. So these motherfuckers handed me a doc, said, we're trespassing. You.

[Caleb Hearon]

That is crazy.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

New Year's Day, first day of the year.

[Caleb Hearon]

Welcome. Welcome to 2025.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Welcome to 2025. Being Black in Burlington, that is crazy. Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

I had a white flight attendant tried to involve me in some weird racism. I was like, I was minding my own business. She tried to involve me and a white guy next to me. She was some little white lady who was being real kooky on our flight. I didn't even tell you all about this. Y'all were on the same flight, but you all. Y'all were back a little bit. They take videos of me they take pictures of me when they go past, but I'm sitting there and she. There was this whole big. It was. The whole thing was a nightmare. It was a mess. They had booked. They overbooked the flight. They couldn't get people to, to buy, to use, take the money to not go on the flight.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Then they couldn't get. They. Someone was saying there was more bag room, but there wasn't more bag rooms. People were having to gate check at the door. The whole thing was chaos. And then there was more chaos because when we landed in New York, there were two guys who, because we had been like a little bit delayed, they were gonna miss their connecting flight. They had like some. It was the only fight going out for like 36 hours to where they needed to go.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Caleb Hearon]

And they're about to miss it. So at first, the fight attempt was being really cool. She was like, she was like on the speaker being like, everybody stay in your seats. We are gonna get these two guys off first. They are going to. We're gonna get their bags from the back because of the bag situation. She's like, they are going to run to their gate. No one moving in to. We're trying to help.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

These people are monsters.

[Caleb Hearon]

And I was like, that's right.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

So she's.

[Caleb Hearon]

She's trying to prevent monster behavior. Right. And I was like, I fuck with her.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

The flight attendant seems cool. This little white lady. Then she, she stands up and is talking to some of us in first class and she goes, she goes, he's trying to. He's. He's got a flight to somewhere I've never even heard of. And she looks at me and the, the older white guy next to me. We both went, that's crazy. And went back to our phone. We're like, absolutely not. She was trying to engage in binge with us because I knew God damn well that it was going to be something crazy that she was. That she. It wasn't going to be like a small town in Missouri. You know what I was like? No. So we both went back to our phones, me and the old guy, we looked at each other and we're like.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No, no, no, ma'am.

[Caleb Hearon]

And then, and then the, the. The two gentlemen who were trying to make their connecting fight, they were black guys, clearly like African dudes. And someone's. I, I overhear someone ask them where they're going, like, where are you guys trying to get to that doesn't have a fight out for 36 hours? Someone be a nice bite and they go, ghana.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

She hadn't heard of Ghana.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, ma'am. She hadn't heard of Ghana.

[Caleb Hearon]

I almost said you haven't heard of Ghana.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

She didn't watch Animaniacs. You can get the Yakos breakdown.

[Caleb Hearon]

I was like, you weren't even gonna involve me in legitimate racism. Clown racism or you don't know Ghana?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's so funny.

[Caleb Hearon]

I was like, dude, I couldn't believe it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Acting like they was going to Djibouti or something like that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Ghana.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Ghana.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's like a well known.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's top 10 African countries at least.

[Caleb Hearon]

Like, most racist people could be like, oh, yeah, Ghana. We got it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Come on.

[Caleb Hearon]

I couldn't believe it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's. That's baffling. And so it's just been. It's been kind of baffling. And what also is happening right now is I'm getting. Cause, you know, there's the MAGA whites, but what's happening right now are the apologetic liberal whites who wanna talk to me. Cause they want me to know that they didn't vote that way. And so they're smiling like, how are you? Where you going? Where you headed? And I'm leaving me alone. Face. I got sunglasses on. I got headphones. I'm not. I don't wanna engage. Cause I know that eventually you're gonna say something I don't like, and then I'ma cuss you out. And now I'm on the no Fly list. Yeah. Which I can't be. Cause I got our job.

[Caleb Hearon]

We have to go to work.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

We need to fly. We gotta go to work.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. That thing with the nice white people is what they really want is for you to be like. They want you to go, hey, you're one of the good ones.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely. They want me to invite them to the cookout.

[Caleb Hearon]

Right? And it's like, if you were, you wouldn't be behaving this way.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No, Just relax. Just everyone relax. Everyone calm down.

[Caleb Hearon]

And first and foremost, leave Joyell alone.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Leave Joyell alone. I need. I need to get it tattooed on my forehead.

[Caleb Hearon]

Leave Joyell alone.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Leave Joyell alone.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm gonna get one, too.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes. Let's get matching tattoos. Leave Joyell alone. On our foreheads.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

On our forehead. Tatas. Yeah. Promise.

[Caleb Hearon]

Damn, that's rough, dude. I hate that.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm better suited in Brooklyn. And I was in Asheville, North Carolina, last week, and I was engaging. You know, I was like, I'm by myself, drinking at the bar, as you do on the road. And this guy just started talking to me. And you know, they love to be like, oh, you're a comedian. And he was like, oh, so you must love traveling right now. I was like, actually, I don't really feel that safe anymore. And he was like, why don't you feel safe? And I was like, oh, a myriad reasons.

[Caleb Hearon]

Just reasons that I have.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Just mad reasons. And I was like, honestly, Because I never know who I'm talking to outside of Brooklyn. I never know what type of white person I'm talking to. Sure enough, not less than five minutes later, I don't even know what the prompt was. But the dude was like, yeah, no, there's only two genders. And I was like, see, you know, we weren't even talking about gender.

[Caleb Hearon]

You know what? You know what?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And I was like, and that's why I can't engage, because I don't know who I'm talking to and I don't need to know.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. And you hate that because that's usually something you like to say first, right? Exactly.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's my opener.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's my stuff. Yeah. That's my material. Back off.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Come on. Yeah. And when he. When I told him I lived in Brooklyn, I was like, you know, I'm much safer in Brooklyn. He was like, it's safe there. You feel safe in Brooklyn? I was like, oh, they think it's like New Jack City.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

You're gonna get robbed every day.

[Caleb Hearon]

Every city, right?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Every city, yeah. Chicago, every.

[Caleb Hearon]

They're talking like this in Kansas City. I'm like, chicago, New York, like, every single city.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Suburban white people are being like, oh, goodness.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And. And that same dude was like, you know, I. I only been on an airplane once, and I don't fly nowhere. I don't do no things, you know, so that's great. You fly all the time. Like you ain't never been nowhere. But you do know that there's only two genders.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. You figured that out.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's the one thing that you know.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

You don't know nothing. He don't know where Ghana is. But.

[Caleb Hearon]

But you came to all these conclusions.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. You came to that very adamant conclusion when no one even prompted you.

[Caleb Hearon]

It helps. Yeah, it helps to go see people, dude. That's. I really. When I was in high school, I grew up around, you know, I grew up in a town in Missouri that's like all straight, white Christian people.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

What it is out there. And I just like. I just. Everyone, like, it was really. Cuz, you know, When I was, like, a kid, like, 911 had happened and things. And so a lot of people were doing, like. Like, really up, like, the hatred towards Muslim people. I also don't understand, by the way, how so many people in this country have not caught on to, like, you just watch. And it was like, for. It's a new group every once in a while. It's welfare queens, it's Muslim people, it's gay people, it's trans people, it's Mexican immigrants. Now it's these kind of immigrants. It's like every once in a while, they just pick a new group. They rile everybody up. They get pissed off. And every time you go, well, this one's different. They've got really legitimate points, and they will move off of this eventually and onto a new group.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And someday it might never be your group. I'm not. I don't even like that argument. It will just always be a new group. And doesn't that tell you something? But anyway, everyone was so, like, riled up and saying crazy about Muslim people. And then I. And. And I kind of, like, believed it. Like, I didn't know anybody. These are adults, you know? And then I went to, like, a student conference for a group I was a part of in another state, and I met some Muslim kids, and I was like, oh, they're cool as, Right. I was just like, oh, so this is who everyone's mad at, right? I was like, what?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And you just go meet people and you go, oh. Everyone's actually pretty much the same. It's, like, different in fun ways.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Make enough money to feed ourselves and. And not be stressed out.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's the human commonality.

[Caleb Hearon]

And the differences are not. Like, there are differences in people, but the differences are not. But there's a. There's more in common. There's more common. People want to pay their bills, they want to hang out with their friends, they want to take care of their family.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely. That's it.

[Caleb Hearon]

Everything else is just fun.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And that's why I say, like, if you don't like gays, you ain't. You ain't met a fun one.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. You haven't been around enough gay people.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

You haven't been around enough gay.

[Caleb Hearon]

Get out.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Get out and meet some.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Ow. Get on an airplane.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Get on an airplane.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Get on an airplane. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Dude, I don't know.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

What do you think we're gonna do about it? What are you. What are we gonna. What are we gonna do about it? Me and you?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I'm attempting to leave the country.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Where you going? My cousin just moved to Bangkok. She got a one bedroom apartment in a luxury building for $650 a month. And she just got a one year lease and was like, she's gonna bop around Asia for the next four years just to, you know, do that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

So I'm looking into it. I want to become a digital nomad. I, you know, I wish I had a podcast, but I want to do voice acting. So that's the goal right now.

[Caleb Hearon]

You got the voice for it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I want. Yes, I want that. I want Instagram Inside out 3. I want.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And then I can do that because I took a voice acting class and one of the ladies in the class moved to Thailand and she was just like, yeah, she works in a closet in her apartment in Thailand. She comes to America when, like, somebody gets married or whatever.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Also, you should start a podcast. Why don't you have one?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I don't believe in myself and what I have to say this much.

[Caleb Hearon]

I believe in what you have to say plenty. Pick up a microphone.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I mean, we do it. You do it every night, but that's what I'm saying. I can't also talk. I don't understand how y'all do this.

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, it's not always good. You're doing a lot of the work today. Yeah. It's just you bring in people you like and then you go, okay, what do we think? What do we got?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes. Tell me about yourself. Yeah. And I also just think it, like, opens me up to more criticism that I'm just so freaking anxious about.

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, it does do that.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

It definitely does do that. Yeah. You gotta get systems in place to where you don't read. Because if I was reading, I'd be not with, you know, you can't read the. You can't read the criticism.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. I was like, I would definitely need a high dose of well putrid to do a podcast.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, it's. That part's not fun.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. So I'm also working. Might get. Might get some. Well be next four years.

[Caleb Hearon]

Let's do that.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. I've gone back and forth about it. There's part of me that feels like I'm gonna go down with the ship. I'm like, if something goes bad here, I'll just be here for it. And then there's part of me that's like, yeah, of course I. I have the resources to leave. I think about it crosses my mind.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

But I don't know.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And it don't gotta be a crazy leave. It could be Toronto.

[Caleb Hearon]

Y. Yeah. I have friends who have done that. Literally Toronto literal. I also, if I did, it'd be Portugal probably.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, Portugal. Lisbon has a lot of specifically African American expats are in Lisbon. There's a couple of countries. Costa Rica, Bangkok. Where a lot of black expats are moving. So, yeah, that's what I'm trying to.

[Caleb Hearon]

Get in on that. Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I'm going to Paris in two weeks.

[Caleb Hearon]

O. Have you been before? Rock on. Okay. Do you want it?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes. Yeah. I'm taking my mom. Paris reminds me of Brooklyn a lot. Yeah, I love it. I absolutely love it. So I'm excited to take my mother and just kind of be out of America for like two weeks.

[Caleb Hearon]

Dude, I love Paris.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I do.

[Caleb Hearon]

I feel like Americans either love Paris or hate Paris.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, absolutely.

[Caleb Hearon]

There's a lot of places that people are like, mixed on. This is one place.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

It's like love or hate.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I'm in love. I'm in love.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love it too. Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And also, I'm like. As a kid, I always looked up to Josephine Baker as you do. And I was just obsessed with how her and James Baldwin and all them just left the racism of America. And we're just out there, you know? Cause European racism's different. It's like diet. It's like Coke Zero.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Frowns in a restaurant.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, exactly.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's not so structural and policy driven.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Right? Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's like, I can handle being frowned at. It. Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

They'll do a Brexit occasionally, but I don't know if they're bringing back the Handmaid's sale.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay. Interesting. I love Paris. How long are you gonna be over there?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Almost two weeks. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Hell yeah. Let's go.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And Josephine Baker's chateau is a museum. So we're gonna go to the south of France and go to her chateau. And there's a falconry exhibit. I'm going to see the falcons. I'm so excited.

[Caleb Hearon]

There's a book if you're looking for a recommendation while you're there. I'll also send you some of my restaurant recs because I was just there and did some new stuff. But there's a book. I might butcher the title a little bit, but it's called I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, I love.

[Caleb Hearon]

By a New York writer, a woman in her 40s, maybe 50s now, but she wrote about. She was a New York writer and she would go to Paris once a Year. And then right after Covid or like, right when vaccines were kind of happening, she moved there for, I think, a year. And she read. I read most of it while I was in Paris most recently, and she just wrote about a bunch of, like. Like, sex and dating that she did with younger men in Paris.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh.

[Caleb Hearon]

After Covet. Because she was like. She was like, I haven't been touched in years. I'm feral.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Let's go.

[Caleb Hearon]

And she was just hooking up with these young guys off field and also meeting up with her old friends in Paris and talking about Paris. It was. It's a. It's a very fun read if. When you're in Paris.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Ooh, I'm gonna do it. Start that on the flight, baby.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's fun. I started it on the flight, and then I, like, sat in some parks and flipped through it, and I was like. I was like. I loved it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes. I love a little Stella Got Her Groove Back.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's fun moment. Has your mom been over there before?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No, she's never been. She's never been to Europe. Yes, she's never been. And named me because she loved French and, you know, was obsessed with it. So that's why I'm like, I need to bring you out there while we. You know, most people can buy their parents a house. I was like, you got a house? You good? Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

You're all set. Let's go to Paris.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's Delta 1 to Paris.

[Caleb Hearon]

Delta Delta. By the way, get on my damn nerves. Where's your mom at?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Georgia.

[Caleb Hearon]

Georgia?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

What part?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Stone Mountain.

[Caleb Hearon]

Where's that?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's like 30 minutes outside of Atlanta.

[Caleb Hearon]

We were just in Atlanta.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, it's great.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love Atlanta. We went to, you know, Amber Wallen. She's a funny comedian friend of ours. She was there in town, and we went to. What's that place we went to after Junior Crickets. Do you know this place?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

It don't sound like my people are there.

[Caleb Hearon]

It was like. No, it was like. It was like. Like they had, like, late night food and beer and stuff.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Okay.

[Caleb Hearon]

But it was like a. It's like a. Like a. It was like, on a list of, like, Atlanta, like, legendary spots.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Okay.

[Caleb Hearon]

And so we were like, okay, we'll try it out.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. Moved down there with my partner during the pandemic.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, we were down there for about a year and a half.

[Caleb Hearon]

Y'all lived in Atlanta? Yeah. That sounds nice.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

So good.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love Southern cities.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I do.

[Caleb Hearon]

I know. Yeah. I know. I know. There's always the caveat. Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's like the weather's beautiful, the food's great.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And then. Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. But Atlanta, I just love how beautiful and black and gay it is. It's just a big ball of fun.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And black Hollywood's down there, so yeah, I support it. It really is just a little too far from the Canadian border for me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I need to be able to run.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I need to be able to do a light jog.

[Caleb Hearon]

So this podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. We all could use a good website in this day and age. I tell you what it and Squarespace has so many awesome features to get yours up and running. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place for from consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. I love email marketing tools. Get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap and more so you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Head to squarespace.com SOTrue for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code SoTrue to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode of so True is brought to you by booking.com booking yeah, every time I use booking.com to find a place to stay in the US I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options from hotels to vacation rentals and I know I can find exactly what I'm looking for. I found booking.com has something for everyone and my friend group. I'm definitely the planner. If I didn't do it, no one would. So so when it's time to take that group vacation to a quaint mountain town, I sprint to my computer and go right to booking.com now my friends can be pretty specific about what they need out of a place to stay on vacation. We simply must have a full kitchen so I can make some of my famous spicy puppy chow. Booking.com makes it easy and convenient to find so many great places to stay all across the country. No matter who you are, Booking.com helps you find this day that's ridiculously right for you. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com booking yeah. Folks, vacation season is nearly upon us. This year I'm treating myself to the luxe upgrades I deserve with Quince's high quality travel essentials at fair prices. I travel a lot for work, as you guys know. I've seen you out there. So it's safe to say I know a thing or two about how to travel in style. And that's why I want to talk to you about all. Keep it in. Let's make a human show. Let's be human. I want to talk to you all about our friends at Quinn's. They have things like lightweight shirts and shorts from $30 pants for any occasion and comfortable lounge sheds. Y'all know my favorite part of any vacation is getting nice and cozy in the evenings and curling up with a good book after a day of fun in the sun or exploring some of our nation's finest caves and tunnels. And they have premium luggage options and durable duffel bags to carry it all. The best part, all Quince Items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us, me and you, the working regular guy. I personally ordered a leather passport holder from Quints to keep one of the most important things I own. My little key to the rest of the world, safe and sound, wherever I may take it. For your next trip, treat yourself to the lux upgrades you deserve from quince. Go to quince.com sotrue for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com sotrue to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com so true. What's. What's bringing you joy? Anything bringing you joy lately? Anything keeping your spirits up when you need it?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What is bringing me joy? That's an interesting question. Yikes. Because I'm not. Not happy.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's the thing. I feel like you're a pretty happy person in spite of it all.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

In spite of it all. Yeah. I'm trying to be like, what's. Oh, what's bringing me joy? Omakase. Yes. Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Let's talk about it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh my God.

[Caleb Hearon]

Omakase is my life.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Omakase is my life. I just went last night to my favorite omakase place.

[Caleb Hearon]

Are you gonna name it or you gatekeeping?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, Karami. Karami. K O R A M I. That's my favorite spot. It's in Hell's Kitchen. That's the. I've been there so much. Like, I walk in, it's like, cheers.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes. They give. They give us little extra cups of sake. They give extra peace. I love Karami. And my partner and I have been doing. Have been going to Omakase all over the world. Like, we can't have kids because we have omakase. Happy?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Like, you either choose children or omakase. You can't have both.

[Caleb Hearon]

And we're picking omakase.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

We are picking omakase because Omakase rarely will talk about you in therapy.

[Caleb Hearon]

But from time to time.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

From time to time to time, he'll talk about your bank account for sure. But yeah, I mean, we've spent money. Let's go the spots we went to in Montreal. We did one for our anniversary. We went to Toronto and we did one for his birthday. And I mean, I just love it. I feel like a queen. I love it. Do you have a favorite spot?

[Caleb Hearon]

I do in. In Brooklyn. Bleep mine. Because I'm not trying to get anyone at my spot. Oh, you've been there.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I haven't.

[Caleb Hearon]

Really good.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Okay.

[Caleb Hearon]

Really good. Park Slope.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

All right.

[Caleb Hearon]

Small.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I will. I'll make the reservation tonight.

[Caleb Hearon]

Very delicious.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, there's a bunch.

[Caleb Hearon]

And honestly, reasonable. I think they're. I think they're like nine piece dinner. Omakase is like 75 bucks or something.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's a good price.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's like. I can get behind that.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do that every once a week.

[Caleb Hearon]

And their lunch one's really reasonable too. Yeah, everything. They've got really good udon.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

The place is cute. The people are nice.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, I love that.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's nice to do on. I like doing the lunch on Makase because there's a coffee shop like two blocks in a corner, turn away that I love a teeny, tiny, like, old coffee shop.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

That does a really good latte. I'm a casse latte. Like a 35 minute walk home. That's a good afternoon.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's a good afternoon. Get your steps in.

[Caleb Hearon]

I like. I like a 40 minute walk.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I do two miles.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. In decent weather. I like it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I do. Especially in New York because there's so much to see so many people to people watch.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Talk shit about in my head. Be roasting people's outfits while you walk down the street.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh yeah. Which by the way is my deepest fear. Yeah. My deepest fear is that I'm walking by someone as cool as you and you're going, ugh. He really thought.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

With that hoodie.

[Caleb Hearon]

He really thought. Whoa.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, absolutely. I love it. I absolutely love it. I love walking.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love walking. It's the best running. No, I'm not running.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I'm not running.

[Caleb Hearon]

What am I not even running for a flight. What am I in a movie? Yeah, yeah. I'm not running for anything.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Tom Cruise.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm not running towards or from a single thing.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No, absolutely.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'll be walking.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes. I like, I like a little brisk walk sometimes. It's fun.

[Caleb Hearon]

What's your favorite walk?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Favorite walk to do?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, like what's your favorite.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, Eastern Parkway. I live by Eastern Parkway and that. It's a promenade, but I forget the actual name for it. It's. It's has a name that I was confused about. But that area. Right. Walking down Eastern Parkway is fantastic. My nose is running. Don't roast me in the comments.

[Caleb Hearon]

People do not roast Joyo. I, I swear to God I'll take the whole episode down. Treat her right or we're not doing it. I'll turn the car around. Oh, we're all sniffly, by the way. We got something. There's something going on.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Allergies. It's always allergies.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's cuz the weather just got nice. You're good.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

And it's kicked. It's kicked. Up, up. That's what it is.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Dust everywhere. I got my little air purifier that I bring for the subways since they gave the congestion pricing and they don't want me to drive into the city.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

During the day.

[Caleb Hearon]

I can't believe they did that to you. They did it specifically.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

It was specifically.

[Caleb Hearon]

They may as well call it the Joy L Bill.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, absolutely. They was like that. The one that be driving into Union Square at 4pm she's not doing it up the track.

[Caleb Hearon]

We'll get her out of here. Yes, we'll get her out of here.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

We're gonna charge a $9 goes you. Right. I'll take the train.

[Caleb Hearon]

A little Eastern Parkway walk. I like that.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, walk up. Walk past the museum, up to the park and then come back down on the other side.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's the walk. I just found a rental. I'm always looking at my Lease is not up until October. Okay. No reason for me to be looking. I am trying to think of ways to get out of my current lease, though. I like my spot, but I get bored and so I'm thinking about that. But I just found a rental that's like. Like directly the. The amount I'm trying to spend and the kind of setup that I want. It's a floor through, like, gorgeous one bedroom with a big living room. Really cute. And it is on. It's like Prospect Park.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

On the block of a side street.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh.

[Caleb Hearon]

So it is a three minute walk from Prospect Park. And I am. I am like, I'm thinking up. I'm cooking up any reason to get out of my place. I thought about having a. I thought about having a guy come test the paint for lead. I'm like, get me.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

They got to be black. Molded this somewhere.

[Caleb Hearon]

Get me out of here. Make something up. Falsify a report.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Y. I know you talked. I know you had Lisa on, but she had a carbon monoxide situation in her apartment. And it was like one night where she just spent the night at my house. And it was something about the levels in there were like. It could have killed her.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Lisa's apartment journey. Look, carbon monoxide might be the least of our worries. It should be structurally condemned. She loves her neighborhood and it's close to things she does. But when I go into that apartment. Apartment, I go. I'm deeply worried and afraid. Yes, it is old. Yes, it's old and tiny.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Super tiny.

[Caleb Hearon]

But she's doing New York. She's doing New York her way.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes. It's a good East. East Village, right?

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, she loves it over there.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

She. One thing about Lisa that she. If she tells me she hasn't been to a Taylor Swift soul cycle in a while, I'm like, let's get you in one.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Let's go.

[Caleb Hearon]

Because that, like, that does something for her that I can barely understand.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

She's locked in on that.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. But I also think Wellbutrin or something like that.

[Caleb Hearon]

And that as well. Well, yes, and that as well.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And she's like the walking advertisement for me with it.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

She raves and raves about it. So I'm like, girl, let's do it.

[Caleb Hearon]

I feel like you give good advice. You want to do a voicemail?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Hearon]

Let's do a voicemail. Let's get these on and see if we got something good today. Wait, what is. How do I. I never can read. I found it. Okay.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I love advice.

[Caleb Hearon]

We're Gonna see. We're gonna see if they got something good for us.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Hi, Caleb and guest and Chance.

[Caleb Hearon]

I want to know the truth about dreams. I had a dream that Caleb and I met in real life, and we just had, like, the best time. And it made me wonder if you think our dreams mean anything. Like, are they telling us something? Are they just a reflection of how we're feeling, what we're consuming? I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Okay, love you.

[Caleb Hearon]

Bye. Now, what do you think about dreams? I'm not a dream analyst person, but are you?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I am not. But I always have the dream where I'm, like, trying to catch a flight, trying to get to a show, trying to pack a bag, and I just can't get it together. I can't get there. Ah, ah, ah. So I'm. You know. Anxiety. Sure is what that means. You are not going to be friends with Caleb. That's not. You might have a baby. I don't know. That definitely means something. Something's being.

[Caleb Hearon]

Something is meant in there.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Something is meant. But yeah. Yeah. Maybe that means you. She's gonna get, like, some really good ice cream.

[Caleb Hearon]

You might have a gay son.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

You might have a gay son in the future. You might want to go get some gumbo. Go find a gumbo truck, you know, Go to Chicago.

[Caleb Hearon]

Find the gumbo truck.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely. Yeah. But I don't think. I think if. If whatever is actually happening, it doesn't mean that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

In the dream.

[Caleb Hearon]

That is so. I. I often have similar dreams to yours. We're like. Like, I had a dream the other night where it was so everything about my life was the exact same. I had woken up in the dream. I had woken up the next morning in the hotel that I was staying in. It looked exactly like the hotel. Everything about me and the situation is the same, except for I have two garment bags and only one has my real clothes, and one has much smaller clothes I can't fit into. And I couldn't open them to figure out which one was which, so I had to just pick one to take to the airport. And I'm standing in front of them, panicking about which one to take, while Chance and Virginia are texting me like, we're ready to go. Yes. And that was the dream. Like, the dream will just be for me. It'll always just be one thing is off.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And if I pick the one with the small clothes, my day is ruined. You know what I mean?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

For sure.

[Caleb Hearon]

That. Like that.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I have a lot of Anxiety, dreams. And I'm sure it's indicative of everything that's happening in the world and everything. It's just like, I just want to sleep.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

All I want to do is sleep.

[Caleb Hearon]

I know. I know.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I'm not a good sleeper.

[Caleb Hearon]

Are you not?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Nah.

[Caleb Hearon]

What. How. What's your sleep situation like?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Toss and turn and I'm. I'm all wiggled up. I wonder what I was like in the womb. Like, I think I was, like, twisted a weird way because I'm in the bed in a position that you're like, you've never seen. The yoga is happening. And then I've, like, tried everything. I tried a weighted blanket, and then I'll be twisted under the weighted blanket, and then the weighted blanket is holding me in a weird twist, and I wake up and it's like, does my shin hurt? Like, we gotta work out in. Yeah. You know, some. Yeah. I'm just not a good sleeper.

[Caleb Hearon]

Are you Hard to fall asleep. Hard to stay asleep. Both.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Both.

[Caleb Hearon]

All of it. Damn.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

All of it. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Have you thought about getting on anything or. No. You're just gonna ride it out.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I take melatonin sometimes.

[Caleb Hearon]

I think they have, like, more serious stuff.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. But I don't want to get hooked on something and then have to be like, propofolin, like Michael Jackson. Eventually, in a couple years, I'm gonna need an anesthesiologist. Eventually. Yes. Go to bed to catch some Z. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

We can't have that for you.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

We can't. So that's why I want to. I'm like, well, be. I keep saying, well, Melatonin is like a good Benadryl sometimes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Benadryl. Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

But, yeah, it's hard. And especially if I have to do something the next day that's stressing me out.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I. I mean, one time I had a big gig. The next day I took Melatonin, Benadryl, and a NyQuil. I didn't get an ounce of sleep. Just.

[Caleb Hearon]

No.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

See, that's the worst. I've done that on flights a couple times where it's like a fight where I really had to sleep. Sleep. You take the stuff and then you can't fall asleep. That your body up.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Hearon]

Then you feel bad.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

You're like, I stayed awake through something that was supposed to kill, like, a small animal, and now I feel sick in a way I didn't know I could feel. So the next day I'm like, ain't.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Enough coffee in the world.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I've been through that.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. It's like you need a cocaine bump the next day to get through it. That is stressful. So, yeah, I'm always into fall asleep. It's really hard because, like, the second I lay down, it's like, oh, did you say something wrong on Caleb's podcast today? Does Caleb really hate you? Is this what's happening is to gonna drop you, like, all these. All the intrusive thoughts.

[Caleb Hearon]

I can set at least three fourths of those to ease right now and tell you you said nothing wrong and I only love you.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Okay.

[Caleb Hearon]

I could actually probably call Tova, too, and get that one cleared.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

You like the Tova thing? I don't know.

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't know yet. I have to talk to her, but I doubt it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Based on some of the people she keeps. Just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding. Love you, Tova. Love everything. Love everything, guys. Love all of y'all. Yeah, I'm sleeping for me, is hit or miss. Luckily, I've kind of set my life up in a way where I can adjust on the next morning if I have to. Yeah, I don't. I really. It's not often that I have something before 10am I don't. Thank God.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Well, they. They tried to ask me to be here yesterday for 10, and I was like.

[Caleb Hearon]

And I didn't want to do it either. Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I was like, I. I can't. I. I will not be personable.

[Caleb Hearon]

I will not be on at 10am.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No, I can be on before noon for sure. It's like, unless you. I have to be making money before noon.

[Caleb Hearon]

Y'all got four or five thousand bucks.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's the only way.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Showing up, dude, that's the thing about tours. When you got to do those late nights, early flights, the combo of, like, do I even sleep?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Stay up and go to the thing.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Right? Yeah. And I can't do that anymore. Not in my 40s. Oh, my goodness. I used to be able to do that in my 20s. I used to be able to drive. I. I would be able to drive from Atlanta to New York, work by myself. One shot.

[Caleb Hearon]

Shut up.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

One bathroom.

[Caleb Hearon]

You really could?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I couldn't ever do that.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I drove across country three times, and now three hours, tops. Yeah, that's the most I want to drive anymore. I'm not doing anymore if it's four hours. If the place is four hours away, that's so annoying, because I'm like, I'll drive it, but I definitely don't want to.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I can do, like, seven. Yeah, seven's What I can get.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I could probably do longer, but I just don't try because I'm, like, at that point, I'm. It's more hurt than hell. Help.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

You don't want to fall asleep.

[Caleb Hearon]

But anything. Anything. If a flight. If a. If a drive is less than six hours, I'm pretty much doing it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

By the time you. Especially if it's somewhere like la, Kansas City, or something is different because getting to and through the airport is 10 minutes.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Max. But LA or New York, it's like, dude, it's gonna take me an hour to get out there.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Hearon]

This will take me 45 minutes to get situated in the lounge. Then I'm gonna wait for the flight, Then I'm gonna take the flight, then I'm gonna get. It's like the whole thing is longer than just driving. Driving.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely. And the Uber's a hundred dollars the price, too.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. It's like I could drive for just the. The price of Gasby. The price of the Uber. Yeah. That's no flight.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

So Pennsylvania, Maryland, dc, Northern Virginia. Driving.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm driving those.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Boston, I'm driving.

[Caleb Hearon]

You mentioned things that have changed in your 40s. What do you think? What do you think the 30s are about? What's the 30s supposed to be about? What am I supposed to be? I just turned 30.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Congratulations. Thank you. What am I supposed to be thinking about? Oh, what are you supposed to be thinking about?

[Caleb Hearon]

I trust you.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No is a full sentence. Ooh, that's a big one. That's been so beautiful to know now. Like, to be able to say no to things, especially from the desperation that you have when you first start comedy.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. It's like, I'll do it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Please just tell me anything. I'll do it. Give me $2 and I'll drive. 15 hours to your gig. And now I'd be like. Like a thousand dollars. I'm not getting on a plane for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not taking a connection.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Not getting a connect.

[Caleb Hearon]

If it was direct, maybe it was.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Direct, but there's no. There's no direct flight there. I'm not going, you know, so protecting my peace in that way. Saying no is great. And I think I figured that out in. In my 30s. And now I'm just, you know, gunga ho about it. Basking at it in my 40s. I mean, 40s are great. I love it. People, like, like, complain about aging all the time. Like, especially women. Y'all ain't tell us that it it gets better. Yeah, it gets better. I also don't have kids, so that might help.

[Caleb Hearon]

That might help. That might help.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

What gets better, though? What, what is. What is. What are you feeling in your 40s? That's gotten better. Cuz I believe you. And I've heard this, but I wonder.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What I. I have less.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

To give about things like. Like, literally last night, this happened where I was at a bar with. After we did on Makase, we went to the bar and there was this white guy talking to me. And my biggest trigger right now is when somebody says they were both the same.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

The lesser two evils. That argument.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Pisses me off to no end.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And I've gotten into arguments from one man about it because I'm like, that's a misogynist talking point. They were not both the same and they weren't even close. So I will now just be like, oh, leave me alone.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, stop talking to me. Go away.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Go away. And people don't like that. People do not like that. And then I get into another thing where I'm just like, I just wanna. I just want you to leave me alone right now. And the dude last night was like a close talker. It was such a crazy situation. And then he ended up getting kicked out of the bar. And then his wife stayed and queen.

[Caleb Hearon]

She said, that's not mine situation.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

But she started crying, oh, leave. It was so crazy. And I was like, this bitch. So, yeah, last night was crazy, but less. Less fucks to give in that respect. Like, I'm not gonna sit here. You know how you wanted to please people?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I was like, trying to be a people pleaser in my 20s and stuff like that and that slowly each year has dwindled and now I do not give a fuck. Like friends. I got into an argument with somebody I thought was a friend for New Year's and I was like, oh, you can leave now. Like, I don't leave my life.

[Caleb Hearon]

Dismiss.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Goodbye.

[Caleb Hearon]

Dismiss.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Goodbye. Do you know how many people I know?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I'm like, I don't even have time to hang out with Caleb. I gotta book a podcast to fucking hang out with Caleb. There's so many people I want to hang out with. So I'm like, if you want to escort yourself out my life, do me that favor.

[Caleb Hearon]

The roster's full.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Come on. The calendar is booked.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I think I got. I think right at the end of my twenties, I figured out, no, I got really good at. No, I'm pretty good at no good I start with no. I really do. Everyone in this room is smiling because they have been on the receiving end or. Or have been privy to many. No, no, no, I'm good.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Opposite of improv.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. And start with no and see what we find.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No end.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, no, but.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No, but.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, but if there's more or no.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

But if there's less money.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, more money, less work.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Or less evil. More cool.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, exactly. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. I love.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No, I love. No, no, it was great.

[Caleb Hearon]

I was saying no when I had nothing I got comfortable with no. Before I had anything important.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Process.

[Caleb Hearon]

I just. It was. I don't. I think. I don't know if it's. I. Maybe it's laziness. It doesn't feel like laziness now. Maybe there are times when it was. But no, I'm just like, yeah, I'm not. Life is. Is. I don't know if life is short or long, but life is certainly like precious. And I'm not going to spend it hanging out with people or doing hang out. People that make me feel bad are doing things that make me feel gross.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I also think, and concur with this with me. I think it's also more of a woman thing. Think women are more prone to just be like, okay, I'm sorry, I don't want to. No, yeah, no, totally.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. No, totally.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

That makes total sense to me.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I think so. I'm like, trying to figure out what my big lesson in my 30s is going to be. And I don't know what it'll be yet, but I'm, I'm, I'm taking. I'm taking notes.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm hearing from people that I like that have done it. I'm like, I want to know.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Caleb likes me. Sorry for the caller.

[Caleb Hearon]

Sorry, y'all. Sorry for the caller. Well, you know what's funny? And this is. No. No shade to the collar.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

No, no, no, no. Not at all. But it is a great day.

[Caleb Hearon]

Hey, we love you. But it's funny the number of people that like DM me that, you know, I'll see them sometimes when I'm looking for something else. And I'll see people being like, oh, my God, you're in my city. Like, we should totally go to lunch. I think we'd be friends. I'm like, yeah, that's just like, never gonna happen. Like, I'm never for. Mostly, honestly, more for you than for me. I might really like you. You're not gonna get what you want.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Out of that, for sure.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'M never gonna be the little guy on your screen that you want me to be.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Right. Because they have an idea.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. What you think of me.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And by the way, you might have a lot of right ideas about me. I'm just never. It's never gonna live up to as someone who I have met people that I liked from my screen and stuff, and even if they're lovely, it's never what you want it to be.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And also when they're not lovely.

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, that, too. That too.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

The don't meet your heroes of it all.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Crazy.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Meeting people that you admire can be such a. Can be such a dicey thing. And that's the thing. That's the. I think the reason it's never meet your heroes and the reason that we really should try and stick to that is not even because they'll always be awful, but because even when they're wonderful, it won't be what you need it to be.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Right.

[Caleb Hearon]

It just. Just, Just. You know, not that I think any of these people think I'm a hero. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, like, I don't think you'd like lunch with me as much as you think.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Exactly.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's not gonna feel like the edited podcast. You know what I mean? Lunch with me is gonna be a lot more like, God, I have a meeting in two hours that I would just rather take a bullet than go on.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

You know what I mean?

[Caleb Hearon]

That's not quite as fun as the edited podcast.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, exactly. Can you relate?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. It's not. It's not going to give what you wanted to give.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes. Oh, I love that, though.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. What's so true to you, Joy Young?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What's so true to me? What's an example? What do people usually say?

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, gosh, would have been some good ones. It's usually just like a hill you die on something you really believe in.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What's so true to me? I. Leave me alone if you see me in the street.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's so true to me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Omakase is very true to me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Omakase is so true to you.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Caleb's a great person. That's true to me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, let's run with that one. Let's run with that one. What do you mean, leave me alone? When you see me in the streets, though. Are people bothering you out there?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. A lot of people want to talk.

[Caleb Hearon]

To me, want to say joy.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Well, because I'm not going front. I look cool, obviously.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And I stick out like When I go places is if I'm in Missouri.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

If I'm in North Carolina, I. I look like an elephant walking down the street.

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, you have a very commanding presence.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. And I'm tall and I'm colorful, so that makes people just always be like, oh, what are you doing in town? And it's like, nah, bro, I don't want it. I can't want it anymore.

[Caleb Hearon]

Skip me, please.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

If you're next to me at first class, leave me alone.

[Caleb Hearon]

Leave me alone.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I got. If I have my headphones on, leave me alone. The tap on the shoulder and the take off the headphones.

[Caleb Hearon]

Never a reason.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What are you talking about?

[Caleb Hearon]

I should be on fire.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

If I have my headphones on and you're tapping my shoulder, my back on fire, I better be on fire.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, absolutely.

[Caleb Hearon]

And even then, leave me alone and just pee on me. Like, do not tap. Ever tap me to do this.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Throw water on me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I don't think so.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

The tap. Don't talk. Touch me. For sure. Don't touch.

[Caleb Hearon]

That is leave me alone on the streets and for sure. Don't touch me.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Don't touch me. I don't want to be touched. I don't want to be touched.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's so funny.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

My true.

[Caleb Hearon]

We have a segment for you.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, I'm so excited.

[Caleb Hearon]

We do a so true. True or false segment on this show.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Okay.

[Caleb Hearon]

Basically, I'm gonna read you 15 statements.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Okay.

[Caleb Hearon]

In a row. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think each one is true or false. Okay? And if you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars. 50 US dollars USD.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Caleb Hearon]

Are you ready?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Earth is the only known planet where fire occurs.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

False.

[Caleb Hearon]

True. Tennis is the Mercury.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Ain't mercury a ball of fire?

[Caleb Hearon]

Chance, you better write these questions different. Dreil's mad. Tennis is the official sport of Maryland.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

True.

[Caleb Hearon]

False. Jousting.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What Freaks.

[Caleb Hearon]

No Broadway musical has closed after just one performance. Performance.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

False.

[Caleb Hearon]

False. 22 of them have.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, wow.

[Caleb Hearon]

Union High School in Union Township, New Jersey's official colors are maroon and white.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, baby.

[Caleb Hearon]

True.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I like that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Let's go. It is impossible to sneeze while you're sleeping.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I've been woken up sneezing. So false says true.

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't know. I don't know. With your sleeping habits, who knows if you were asleep that I.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Because what are we talking about? We Reb cycling.

[Caleb Hearon]

Like, what are we talking about?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I've woken up sneezing.

[Caleb Hearon]

We're going to count that one as correct just in case. I'm not going to. I'm not going to cheat you on this. Polar bears can smell a seal from up to 20 miles away. True. True. The first iPhone did not have a camera.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

True.

[Caleb Hearon]

False. DFW airport in Texas is larger than Manhattan.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

False.

[Caleb Hearon]

True. Boston College's motto is excellence above all.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

True. False. I was like, I don't think that is.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's ever to excel.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, it is ever to excel.

[Caleb Hearon]

It is.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I did graduate 20 years ago.

[Caleb Hearon]

Jellyfish don't have brains.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

False.

[Caleb Hearon]

True.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I'm terrible at this.

[Caleb Hearon]

A duck can't walk without bobbing its head.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

False.

[Caleb Hearon]

True. Cookie Chris cereal.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Chicken head.

[Caleb Hearon]

Cookie Crisp cereal is older than Tyrese Gibson.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

True.

[Caleb Hearon]

True. Humans share 95 of our DNA with bananas. True. False. It's 50%, which is also nuts. A group of porcupines is called a park party.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

All true.

[Caleb Hearon]

False.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I want that to be.

[Caleb Hearon]

I know. It's kind of cute, though. So it's a prickle.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Is it an embarrassment?

[Caleb Hearon]

It's a prickle.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

A prickle.

[Caleb Hearon]

An embarrassment of porcupines.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Caleb Hearon]

Honestly, an embarrassment of porcupines is pretty cute. One more. They're sugar and Diet Coke.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

True.

[Caleb Hearon]

False. These ones were. These ones were hard. Chance came for you on these ones.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. So rude.

[Caleb Hearon]

It came for you bad.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I liked. I like the little union highs in Boston College.

[Caleb Hearon]

One.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That was cute.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Isn't that cute? We did those just for you.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Maroon for both schools.

[Caleb Hearon]

Did you do that on purpose?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Maroon and gold. No, I didn't. I just got into Boston College and didn't feel like trying because I got wait listed to other schools. You said, abe, I don't want to try.

[Caleb Hearon]

Boston College sounds good to me.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, absolutely.

[Caleb Hearon]

Did you like living in Boston?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Sure. But once again, Boston is a hard city for black people.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Like, it's great for college students. Students. But they. When I was in school, they had to give all of the black students four years housing because you're typically supposed to move off campus junior year. But Boston was so racist. They wouldn't give apartments to black students.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

So all the black kids were on campus junior year and. Yeah. So it's. It's a tough city.

[Caleb Hearon]

I've heard this about Boston.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Have you?

[Caleb Hearon]

I've heard this about Boston.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

We call it up south.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard this.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, absolutely.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Boston. And they're. Honestly, the first time that I learned that two places were racist that surprised me were Boston, Boston and Italy. I've Heard some tough reviews about Italy. Yes.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I have black friends. I have to. And I want to go, like, I want. I want to go in with Mateo. I love to go to Italy with Mateo.

[Caleb Hearon]

Everyone wants to go to Italy. Everyone's like, I think I'd like to go to Italy with Mateo. I'm like, yeah, we all. Honestly, we need to make him plan, like, a trip for comedians. Yeah, he needs to do a comedian.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Like, Mecca bus tour.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, we need to all just commit to a time frame and be like, Mateo, you're taking. Taking us to Italy.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Taking us to Italy. Oh, my gosh.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm seeing him this weekend. He's doing. He's. This won't be out yet. Oh, this will be out after. He's doing my Charlotte show.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, I love that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, he's. He has a show there the next night, so I text him. I was like, would you do my show? He was like, yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh.

[Caleb Hearon]

So I'm excited. I get to see him. It's been a minute.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I haven't seen him. He's getting all kinds of fun tattoos right now.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, I'm sure his thighs are going to be out.

[Caleb Hearon]

Got his. He better. He better have him out. We don't have him on the show for nothing.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Sure. His arms.

[Caleb Hearon]

Get those arms out.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes. Get those arms and thighs out.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love him. He is so sweet.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I do love him. He's my of our friends. That's so talented. It's annoying.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I'd like. I'd like to bring him down a notch.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, my gosh.

[Caleb Hearon]

Stop being so funny.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Opera singing. And you can paint and draw, like.

[Caleb Hearon]

And cook and funny and gorgeous. It's like, dude, relax.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes. Calm down.

[Caleb Hearon]

Have you tried taking a nap?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, absolutely.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love that guy. Joy, is there anything you want to tell the people where they can find you, what you're up to?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah. My album is Yell Joy. It is on all of the streaming sites. You can buy it on Blonde Medicine. And my special love Joy is on Peacock. So that's my thing.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love it. Thank you for being on you're My Babies.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

You're the best.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, you're the best.

[Caleb Hearon]

We love you here.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I loved it.

[Caleb Hearon]

That was a hitgam podcast. Hey, I'm Wayne Brady. And I'm Jonathan Mangum. And we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make stuff up on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway? Or let's Make a Deal.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And we're now hosting a new improvised show called what if on the Headguard Podcast Network.

[Caleb Hearon]

And on what if? We believe that improvisation is a conversation. So we get to have conversations with guests from the worlds of tv, film, tech, and literature. Guests like Bobby Moynihan, Aisha Tyler, LeVar Burton, and Adam Conover. We ask them the big, ridiculous questions like what if you hurt a monkey's feelings? What if your grandma was a secret agent? What if Jonathan was invited to the cookout? I'm not. And then we turned the conversation into spontaneous scenes songs. Well, because that's what we do.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Subscribe to all what if on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Caleb Hearon]

And watch episodes on YouTube. No script, no net. Just what if?