Katie Kershaw Has a Belly Ache

Summary

Podcast Summary: So True with Caleb Hearon – Episode: "Katie Kershaw Has a Belly Ache"

Hosted by Headgum, this week's episode of "So True with Caleb Hearon" features Caleb and his guest, Katie Kershaw, engaging in a lively and humorous discussion. The duo delves into personal anecdotes, cultural observations, and lighthearted banter, offering listeners an entertaining and insightful experience.

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1. Opening Banter and Favorite Celebrities

Timestamp: [00:02] - [02:18]

Caleb kicks off the episode with a humorous anecdote about his father’s career in B2B marketing, poking fun at the term "ROAS" (Return on Ad Spend). This sets a lighthearted tone for the conversation.

Notable Quote:

Caleb Hearon [00:02]: "He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day."

The discussion then shifts to Katie Kershaw expressing her admiration for actress Cherry Jones, sharing her enthusiasm for a bootleg recording of Jones's Broadway performance in "Doubt."

Notable Quote:

Katie Kershaw [02:18]: "If I knew that all I had to do to get a little bit of ass was buy a flower shop, I'd be buying flower shops left and right."

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2. Perfect Days and Personal Aspirations

Timestamp: [07:57] - [16:26]

Katie shares a glimpse into her vision for her 30th birthday, humorously envisioning a "Museum of Caleb," where attendees interact with exhibits celebrating Caleb's life. Caleb reciprocates by describing his perfect day, centered around simple pleasures in Hazard, Kentucky, including coffee at Hazard Coffee Company and spending time with family.

Notable Quotes:

Katie Kershaw [08:22]: "I'm turning 30 in 101 Dalmatians."

Caleb Hearon [15:11]: "I sleep till I wake up, but I wake up fresh as a daisy."

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3. Reflections on Appalachia and Cultural Misconceptions

Timestamp: [21:56] - [24:43]

Caleb and Katie delve into a heartfelt discussion about Appalachia, addressing misconceptions and the historical exploitation of the region. They highlight the resilience of its people and the unearned challenges faced by the community.

Notable Quote:

Caleb Hearon [22:05]: "We did not own the hills that they took all of our coal from. We had to work on that land."

Katie emphasizes the beauty and cultural richness of Appalachia, lamenting the negative stereotypes propagated by outsiders.

Notable Quote:

Katie Kershaw [24:43]: "We cannot knock down that wall."

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4. Humorous Anecdotes and Shared Experiences

Timestamp: [25:14] - [40:05]

The hosts exchange amusing stories from their childhoods. Caleb recounts the unique cable TV setup in Hazard, Kentucky, managed by a woman on a hill, and the limited channels they had access to. Katie shares her experience at a Smokehouse steakhouse, leading to a playful discussion about favorite rotisserie chickens and barbecue preferences.

Notable Quotes:

Caleb Hearon [25:27]: "We would sit inches from the TV, watching every single video, like, taking notes so we could come in on Monday and be like, 'Did you see that Lisa Loeb video?'"

Katie Kershaw [40:05]: "All barbecue should be seasoned and smoked so well that you don't need sauce."

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5. Social Interactions and Modern Society

Timestamp: [43:23] - [63:08]

Katie narrates a personal experience on an airplane where her attempts to rearrange seating for her friends were met with resistance, leading to a deeper conversation about the erosion of social contracts and empathy in contemporary society. They discuss the impersonal nature of modern services, such as bank kiosks replacing human interactions, and express a yearning for more genuine connections.

Notable Quotes:

Katie Kershaw [62:53]: "They're calling it the new 9/11."

Caleb Hearon [64:14]: "Those interactions are everything, absolutely everything."

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6. Lighthearted Challenges and Wrap-Up

Timestamp: [55:01] - [69:00]

The episode features a fun quiz segment where Katie tests Caleb's knowledge with a series of true or false statements, punctuated by their characteristic humor and camaraderie. The conversation concludes with reflections on past experiences and a playful acknowledgment of their friendship.

Notable Quotes:

Katie Kershaw [55:04]: "What do you want out of everything out of my team."

Caleb Hearon [61:35]: "I walked around this world thinking that people are generally good."

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Conclusion

"So True with Caleb Hearon" Episode "Katie Kershaw Has a Belly Ache" offers a blend of humor, personal storytelling, and thoughtful commentary on societal issues. Caleb and Katie's dynamic interaction provides listeners with both laughter and poignant insights, encapsulating the essence of their beloved Headgum podcast.

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Connect with Katie Kershaw:

• Instagram: @KatieKershaw
• Podcast: Jocular Podcast

Stay Tuned: Don't miss out on future episodes for more engaging discussions and entertaining moments!

Transcript

[Caleb Hearon]

This is a headgum podcast. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big roas man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day.

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[Katie Kershaw]

So me and Katie take our seats and we. We're seeing my.

[Caleb Hearon]

Not me, by the way.

[Katie Kershaw]

Not you, by the way. We take our seats and I just look over and I go, hey, I don't think it's going to happen for us. Everyone's in love with their seat. We were just talking about our favorite old lesbians.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

And I immediately, sort of impulsively, my whole body was overtaken by the desire to say, Cherry Jones.

[Caleb Hearon]

Cherry Jones. And I, right. Have never met physically.

[Katie Kershaw]

Right.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm so deeply in love with her. I got a bootleg.

[Katie Kershaw]

Come on.

[Caleb Hearon]

Of her performance in Doubt on Broadway when I was in college.

[Katie Kershaw]

Tell them about it.

[Caleb Hearon]

And I was like, I have to see this.

[Katie Kershaw]

A. Oh, boy. A bootleg of her performance in Doubt on Broadway.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

That's a level of gay that it's hard to imagine.

[Caleb Hearon]

Next question.

[Katie Kershaw]

Next question.

[Caleb Hearon]

I mean, I once slept with a guy because he was like, oh, yeah. Actually, he was like my family. My sister bought Cherry Jones family's old, like, floral shop in Tennessee. And I was like, you slept with her. I'm one step closer.

[Katie Kershaw]

You slept with him because they bought a flower shop that she used to.

[Caleb Hearon]

His sister bought Cherry Jones's family's old floral shop. And I said, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

And you said, I'm about to bust it open for you, brother. You said, guess what? Doors open. Come on.

[Caleb Hearon]

In yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Damn, that's beautiful.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love cherry.

[Katie Kershaw]

If I knew that all I had to do to get a little bit of ass was buy a flower shop, I'd be buying flower shops left and right.

[Caleb Hearon]

Please do.

[Katie Kershaw]

Dude, dude, dude. On the Mary Beth episode, for some reason, I kept slipping in and out of like a. What would we call it? A Persona I kept. At one point. At one point in the episode, I literally said. She said something about impossible. And I said, well, you look at the word impossible right there, it says I'm possible. I couldn't stop doing shit like that. I don't know.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm possible. Impossible.

[Katie Kershaw]

Impossible. Oh, my God. Who's your favorite singer of all time?

[Caleb Hearon]

Favorite singer of all.

[Katie Kershaw]

You can only pick one. And by the way, all the others have to die. These are the little games I like to play.

[Caleb Hearon]

You play it every week. Let me see. And everyone dies.

[Katie Kershaw]

Everyone dies except for this singer.

[Caleb Hearon]

Do they just kind of poof, Left behind style?

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. It's not going to be violent. It's just going to be like. This will be like. They'll be standing there in this in a second. When you name the. Name every singer that isn't that person, they'll just go, oh, my God. And then they're gone.

[Caleb Hearon]

It can't be a band. It can't be a duo.

[Katie Kershaw]

No.

[Caleb Hearon]

Aw.

[Katie Kershaw]

Pick one of them.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, you know who I'm gonna say? Tyler Childers. I'll save Tyler.

[Katie Kershaw]

Tyler. You and Tyler are buddies?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes, we are.

[Katie Kershaw]

How do you know Tyler?

[Caleb Hearon]

So Tyler's cousin, his first cousin, Johnny Kyle Cook.

[Katie Kershaw]

I can already tell this about to be the most Kentucky shit I've ever heard in my life. I already know that the way you know this singer is gonna be the most Kentucky shit I've ever. So Tyler's cousin went down. He went to the same fish fry, basically.

[Caleb Hearon]

So Tyler's first cousin, Jonakhile Cook, and I went to college together. And when we were in college, Tyler was like a teen, basically. And he would come stay with us and sleep on Johnny's couch and do random open mics at Potbelly in Northern Tuck.

[Katie Kershaw]

Let's go, dude.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. And he would put on little concerts in Johnny's living room. And then when we lived in Chicago, Tyler did the same thing. And so I just always knew him as Johnny's little cousin and was just like a huge fan, just obsessed. Would see him everywhere. I love him. And then I got to see him at Kia Forum.

[Katie Kershaw]

Crazy.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. And I was. I was just so overwhelmed. Did you come so overwhelmed. Yes.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, of course I would sob.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes. And then we go backstage and I'm like, oh, it's Tyler.

[Katie Kershaw]

He has. As you know, I'm a mega fan.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

I love Tyler Childers.

[Caleb Hearon]

He's unbelievable.

[Katie Kershaw]

Tyler. Shout out, brother. We could also be friends. Hit me up to go to your potbelly shows. No. He has one of my favorite lyrics of all time.

[Caleb Hearon]

Which one?

[Katie Kershaw]

She's working hard to make some sense, but she ain't got a dime. Oh, come on.

[Caleb Hearon]

She ain't got a dime.

[Katie Kershaw]

She ain't got a dime.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, his lyrics are unreal.

[Katie Kershaw]

They're nuts.

[Caleb Hearon]

And he's been writing them, I mean, since he was a child. It's wild.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. God, it's so much cooler than comedy, huh? It's so much cooler than comedy.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's so much cooler than comedy. And the fact that he's charming, kind, nice, funny.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Shouldn't be allowed.

[Katie Kershaw]

Fucked up. Handsome.

[Caleb Hearon]

Handsome. He is a handsome guy.

[Katie Kershaw]

I'll go so far as to say.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Wife also talented. She's a phenomenal singer in Gourmet and, like, gorgeous.

[Katie Kershaw]

Do you. Oh, she's a singer.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. You would love yourself. I'll send it to you.

[Katie Kershaw]

So you know what you just did when you picked Tyler?

[Caleb Hearon]

What? I killed her.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yep. She's gone. She's out of here in this world, in this podcast studio. That's crazy Katie.

[Caleb Hearon]

But also, she's so many, I can almost cry. She's so many. She's so many other things. She's also a mother.

[Katie Kershaw]

She's a mother. And so if you think about it, it can be.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, it's a single.

[Katie Kershaw]

She's a mother, so she stays.

[Caleb Hearon]

Absolutely. The best way to bully anyone, just repeat them using that word.

[Katie Kershaw]

No. She's a mother, so she stays.

[Caleb Hearon]

She's a mother. You wanted to stay. That's not the rules.

[Katie Kershaw]

That's what I'm gonna start doing all the time. When someone says anything, do it. Can I take your order? What can I get you guys started with? At a restaurant? Oh, my God. You know what I did last night?

[Caleb Hearon]

What did you do?

[Katie Kershaw]

Me, Allie and Gabby went to Smokehouse in Burbank. You bend. No, Smokehouse. Old. Old Steakhouse by the studios up there. Like Old Hollywood Steakhouse. Yeah. Anyone who'd been here just been to Smokehouse. You guys know, I knew Casey would. I knew Chance would. Okay. Smokehouse went. We went crazy. We got. It was a beautiful night. We went. We got garlic bread, we got shrimp cocktail, we got bacon wrapped scallops.

[Caleb Hearon]

Thank you.

[Katie Kershaw]

At one point, a woman comes around with a camera and she goes, we're doing complimentary postcards to mark your experience here tonight. Can I take your picture? We go, yes, ma'am. Takes our picture. Then I got a rack of lamb. No, the girls both got staged.

[Caleb Hearon]

I drew the picture.

[Katie Kershaw]

Baby, baby. It was so. I had the night of my life. Then we went back to their place, smoked a little weed. We took four different types of sour gummy candies and made a salad out of them.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, what are those? Like the TikTok thing?

[Katie Kershaw]

Well, yeah, but this was not for content. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

No.

[Katie Kershaw]

This is even sadder because we did it just for us. I wish there was a viral video element to what we did.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, no, no. It's pure that way.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, I had to. I was wearing. Okay, so let me know what you think about this.

[Caleb Hearon]

I will.

[Katie Kershaw]

I think my 30s. I'm turning 30. I'm turning 30 in. I'll hold. Please hold. 101 days. Okay. From the time we're recording this, 101 Dalmatians. 101 Dalmatians. I say it every day. Anyway, I'm turning 30 in 101 Dalmatians. And I've been thinking about my 30s. Okay. And I'm just pretty much over the moon about it. I'm so excited.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, good, good.

[Katie Kershaw]

I said this the other day in an episode and some guy commented and was like, quick turn from not wanting to date someone who's 37 to being excited for your 30s. Fuck you, loser. There's no. I still don't want to date someone 37 just because I'm 30.

[Caleb Hearon]

Sorry, I'm 37.

[Katie Kershaw]

No worries.

[Caleb Hearon]

I cannot get comfy. I am so sorry. All right.

[Katie Kershaw]

That's the only thing stopping us from being together.

[Caleb Hearon]

Is my age.

[Katie Kershaw]

Is your age.

[Caleb Hearon]

Has nothing to do with my pussy.

[Katie Kershaw]

It has nothing to do with your pussy. Has nothing to do with my pussy. It's just your age.

[Caleb Hearon]

Just my age. Okay, continue. So sorry.

[Katie Kershaw]

So my 30s. I'm thinking about them. So my. I'm thinking about my 30s and. Okay. I'm thinking, God, I've got so many things. Well, we could talk about my 30th birthday party if you want to. But before that, I want to tell you, this was what made me think of it. I'm thinking of becoming a tailored slacks with cowboy boots guy. Now, how does that. How does. How does that sit with everybody? Tailored slacks. So just like a really well cut slack.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Have like a little cuff on the bottom at times. At Times?

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, at times. A really well tailored slack with a Tokova boot. What do y'all think?

[Caleb Hearon]

Whoa. Okay. Give me a sec.

[Katie Kershaw]

Okay. And just so you know, your response has to be positive, because I'm really looking forward to it.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love it.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, I love it.

[Caleb Hearon]

What can I say?

[Katie Kershaw]

I love it. Do you really?

[Caleb Hearon]

I do. I do.

[Katie Kershaw]

I really think that you might.

[Caleb Hearon]

Works for you. I love a good cowboy boot. Even though I had a great pair that I left on the Red Line in Chicago. I think about them daily.

[Katie Kershaw]

Let me circle back really quick.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

How did you leave your boots on the Red Line in Chicago?

[Caleb Hearon]

Sure, sure, sure. I was wearing them to do, I don't know, some sort of dumb little sketch show. And weren't we all? They weren't broken in, so I, like, put sneakers on because, you know, kind of a working girl thing. Keep the heels in the bag. So then they were in, like, a separate, like, I don't know, like, Jewel Osco bag. And I just got off the train and there they went.

[Katie Kershaw]

Jewel Osco.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. I said it. I went local. I could have said Ralph's. I could have said Kroger.

[Katie Kershaw]

You shopped local?

[Caleb Hearon]

Always, Always, always, always.

[Katie Kershaw]

Jewel Osco. Man, that was a. Those rotisserie chickens actually saved my life a couple times. Did you ever eat those?

[Caleb Hearon]

Speak on it.

[Katie Kershaw]

Speak. Sorry, I'm gonna start crying. No, those rotisserie chickens. Okay. My definitive ranking of rotisserie chickens.

[Caleb Hearon]

Go Costco, 100%.

[Katie Kershaw]

Let's start there.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Then what is that? John's. John's. John's in la. Rotisserie chicken, baby.

[Caleb Hearon]

I've never had the rotisserie chicken.

[Katie Kershaw]

Maybe $4. Incredible, juicy, wonderful. So they also have those big buckets with the spigot on them. They use, like, the taco stands to serve, like, horchata and stuff. I like to get those when I'm throwing a party to make Jungle Juice.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

You ever had my Jungle Juice?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes. I've been a victim.

[Katie Kershaw]

Hey, I didn't spend four years in a fraternity for nothing, honey.

[Caleb Hearon]

I mean, I believe it was your birthday last year, and I was like, I just keep drinking. I'm feeling nothing.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And then still kind of felt nothing until the next day.

[Katie Kershaw]

We poured so many people into Ubers that night.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

I made a Jungle Juice for my birthday party last year. 29. That. My LA birthday party. That really fucked people up.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. Really fucked people up.

[Caleb Hearon]

Are you gonna have an LA30?

[Katie Kershaw]

I don't know.

[Caleb Hearon]

So do I have to travel?

[Katie Kershaw]

There's a Lot of different things. I'm thinking for 30, I thought about doing a Museum of Caleb experience.

[Caleb Hearon]

I like that. For my 30th birthday, through the decades.

[Katie Kershaw]

So, yeah. So I invite everyone to a sort of gallery space and I say, dress up. We're gonna have cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. And then all of the pieces would be different. Paintings and memorabilia about me. My face would be everywhere.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

It would be little. And all the little stories next to it would be. I might write some. My friends might guest write some. You might write a thing. Yeah, just things about me. Things like, you know, on a Sunday afternoon, Caleb loves to take a walk. And then it's maybe a painting of me mid stride.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, I love that.

[Katie Kershaw]

You know, and it's just a museum of Caleb. And that's the evening and. Okay, so then this is another idea I had. So at the Museum of Caleb, everyone comes. No, where's Caleb? Where's Caleb? Where's Physical?

[Caleb Hearon]

Are you not even there?

[Katie Kershaw]

I'm not there. But you know, who is there? Some guy who. Some guy who's walking around, some mysterious man with a weird face who's.

[Caleb Hearon]

He's kind of a fucked up face.

[Katie Kershaw]

Kind of a fucked up face. And he's walking around and he's going, tell me your favorite thing about Caleb. Stop it and tell me how has this young man impacted your life? And I go. And the guy's saying. And the guy's saying to people, he's saying, you know, it's so beautiful to have a friend like Caleb, isn't it?

[Caleb Hearon]

Stop.

[Katie Kershaw]

And the whole night they're like, who is. Everyone's whispering, going, who is this weird guy at the Museum of Caleb tonight? And where is Caleb? At the end of the night, the weird guy stands up on a podium, okay? He stands up on a little pedestal. It's me. It's me under there.

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't know why I thought you were going to say it's Sean Penn, but it does make sense to be you.

[Katie Kershaw]

That's a way better idea. Fuck. That's a way better idea.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. To have Sean Penn.

[Katie Kershaw]

It's Nathan la.

[Caleb Hearon]

Nathan Lynn. He just gets his little claws into everything.

[Katie Kershaw]

He's just in everything.

[Caleb Hearon]

He really is.

[Katie Kershaw]

We can't keep him out of film and television and stage.

[Caleb Hearon]

Or the stage.

[Katie Kershaw]

Triple Threat, Triple Threat.

[Caleb Hearon]

Movies, tv, Stage. Classic. Triple Threat.

[Katie Kershaw]

Triple Threat.

[Caleb Hearon]

Your birthday party last year, LA party I do believe was in a gallery.

[Katie Kershaw]

It was in a gallery.

[Caleb Hearon]

But it was not the Museum of Caleb.

[Katie Kershaw]

It was not the Museum of Caleb. And that was a massive misstep.

[Caleb Hearon]

Huge mistake.

[Katie Kershaw]

Well, another thing I want to do, and I don't know that I have the time, the money, or the production support. You know how Refinery 29 does? The 29 rooms? That horrible exhibit where they're like, every room is a different Instagram selfie opportunity? I would maybe do 30 rooms of Caleb.

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, I mean, the size of room does not have to be defined.

[Katie Kershaw]

Right?

[Caleb Hearon]

It could be very small.

[Katie Kershaw]

Fuck. You're so real. This is what I've always said about you. You're so real.

[Caleb Hearon]

People say that about me all the time.

[Katie Kershaw]

You're real as fuck.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, you're real as fuck.

[Katie Kershaw]

You gotta actually. I don't like it.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, okay, I'll stop.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, I actually don't like it.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'll stop.

[Katie Kershaw]

I actually wanna apologize for doing it to you earlier. Cause I realize I don't like it. You've held a mirror up to me and I don't like what I see. Wait, I have a question for you.

[Caleb Hearon]

Please.

[Katie Kershaw]

Okay, tell me. I'm wondering about this. Cause I recently had a pretty perfect day. What is your perfect day?

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay.

[Katie Kershaw]

Like, place, people, activities, pace. All of it. Your perfect day?

[Caleb Hearon]

Um. I think I'd be in Kentucky, in Hazard. Hazard or Lexington? I don't know. Hazard. I'll say Hazard.

[Katie Kershaw]

We're gonna be in Hazard.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay, we're in Hazard. I sleep till I wake up, but I wake up fresh as a daisy.

[Katie Kershaw]

At like, 8:00am Ooh, I love those.

[Caleb Hearon]

Like, I feel so rested, but I'm not, like, it's not like, 10am and I'm like, what's going on? I go to the cute little coffee shop, shout out, Hazard Coffee Company.

[Katie Kershaw]

Hazard Coffee Company. Shout out, y'all.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Feel free to sponsor. I get a little coffee and I sit there. And maybe I, like, read or do my New York Times games there.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Then maybe I go back home. My lovely girlfriend and partner, Kylie, is there.

[Katie Kershaw]

Shout out, Kylie.

[Caleb Hearon]

Shout out, Kylie. And so it was like my mom and my granny and my sister, and we all just kind of, like, hang out. Lazy day.

[Katie Kershaw]

I love that.

[Caleb Hearon]

And I can drink coffee all day without having, like, negative consequences. I love the taste of coffee.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

But it will give me a panic attack after a certain point, for sure.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's unhealthy and bad.

[Katie Kershaw]

Not supposed to be. Drink en masse.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I would like to.

[Katie Kershaw]

God knows I do it. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's my. What's your perfect day?

[Katie Kershaw]

Why? Wait? I want to know More about yours. What were you reading at the. If you were reading a book, what kind of book were you reading?

[Caleb Hearon]

Probably like ta Nehisi Coates, something casual.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, I'm reading the Atlantic.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, no, I would just think whatever book I'm reading right now, I'm reading this book called Daryl that's about a cuck. So I'd probably be reading fiction. Fiction. Fiction, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Cuck fiction.

[Caleb Hearon]

Cuck fiction. Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Okay, cool.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, that's probably what I'd be reading.

[Katie Kershaw]

I had a pretty perfect day. Sunday of this past week. I. The night before I had married my friends. So I officiated their wedding and that. So there were a bunch of people staying at my house. My aunt, my uncle, my friend Doyle, my friend Katie. A bunch of people staying at my house in Kin city. And we woke up. Everyone else woke up before me, but we woke up. I woke up natural. No alarm. No alarm is always the perfect day recipe. That's how it started 100%. And I. What did we do? Oh, we went to my favorite bakery and got pastries and coffee and Holmes joined us.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, nice.

[Katie Kershaw]

And then Holmes parents were out on their morning walk and they happened to stop by as well, so we ran into them. Running into someone unexpectedly that you're excited to see is always a part of my perfect day recipe.

[Caleb Hearon]

100.

[Katie Kershaw]

It's a big part of it. And then after that me and so some of those people left and then me and some other friends smoked a little weed and went and got Chinese food for lunch. A Chinese buffet even. And it was. It was Sunday too. So, you know, they were on it. Yeah, they were cooking and it was all church people in there and someone, some big table people was having a birthday and the birthday girl walked in while we were eating and everyone like erupted. And then when her people erupted, we all erupted as well and cheered for her. That was really fun.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

And then after that we went on like a two hour walk in my favorite park in Kansas City. Loose Park. It's big, beautiful, like rolling hills, y'all know, four Kansas City. And sitting in the wings, shaking their heads. Yeah, really big, beautiful hills and like meadows and like ponds. It's like gorgeous. And then after that we went to the town of Kansas Bridge, which is this bridge that goes out onto Berkeley River. It's really pretty. It was a beautiful. It was like 65 degrees all day. Yeah, beautiful. Smoked some more weed. I was high all day, which I never do.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

But it was just felt right. And then everyone else had to leave town because they were visiting. And then Holmes and I took a joint to the art museum lawn, the Nelson Atkins, and sat on a little hill on a blanket and smoked joints and read our books and chatted while the sun set. Beautiful.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

And then we went and got Vietnamese food.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, what were you reading?

[Katie Kershaw]

I up there was reading Heartland. It's this writer who wrote. It's called Heartland. Being broke in the richest country on earth.

[Caleb Hearon]

Whoa.

[Katie Kershaw]

It's about a. It's a kind of an anthology of a family in Kansas. It's by this really brilliant writer, Sarah Smars. She's a Kansas City writer. Shout out, Sarah. It's really brilliant. I went to Lawrence, Kansas recently for just, like a fun little day to one of my favorite bookstores. And they had a section called what to Read instead of hillbilly elegy. Fuck. J.D. vance. That was the name of the section. And this book was in there.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I mean, it's. Yeah. Someone from eastern Kentucky. There's so many amazing authors to read besides fucking J.D. vance, who's not even from there.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Isn't he from, like, fucking Ohio or something?

[Caleb Hearon]

He's from southern Ohio, which. There is like a. Like a storied history of people going from eastern Kentucky to southern Ohio.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And they called that, like, highway, like the hillbilly highway that would take you right there. But he didn't grow up there. His mother didn't grow up there. His grandparents did. And he would spend occasional summers in Jackson, where Sturgill Simpson is from. Just kind of giving you some geography.

[Katie Kershaw]

We're getting it all in. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And, yeah, he's just a piece of shit who doesn't understand Appalachians.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, he's a freak. What's up, guys? It's me, Caleb. November 23rd in Kansas City. Waxahachie and I are co hosting a bunch of our friends, comedians and musicians at the Midland. We are doing a benefit show called Yeehaw. To benefit the tenants union. Tara's episode is out and she talked a bunch about the tenant union. But please, please, please, if you live in Kansas City or nearby Omaha, come on down, Chicago, come on down. November 23rd at the Midland. We're doing a show to benefit the tenant union that we're so excited about. Me, Waxahachie, a bunch of other fun people that will announce. But yes, please come. You guys and girls and everywhere in between spark something uncommon this holiday. With just the right gift from Uncommon Goods. The busy holiday season is here. Yikes. And Uncommon Goods makes it less stressful with incredible handpicked gifts for everyone on your list, all in one spot. Gifts that spark, joy, wonder, delight. And that it's exactly what I wanted Feeling. They scour the globe for original, handmade, absolutely remarkable things. Somehow they know exactly the perfect gift for every single person. You know, like Santa Claus. But they actually work all year round, not just one night like that Lacy bomb. When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists in small, independent businesses. Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches, so shop now before they sell out this holiday season. And with every purchase you make it Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a nonprofit of your choice. They've donated more than $3 million to date. So to get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommong goods.com so true. That's uncommong goods.com s o t r u e so true. For 15% off, don't miss out on this limited time offer. You're going to be sick if you do Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary.

[Sponsor]

What do you.

[Katie Kershaw]

Well, other than people calling it Appalachia instead of Appalachia or whatever the fuck people say.

[Caleb Hearon]

Appalachia is correct. Appalachia is wrong.

[Katie Kershaw]

Exactly correct. And I know that. And I know that because I'm friends with you.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes, that's right.

[Katie Kershaw]

What do. What do you. You're from Kentucky. You're very proud of Kentucky.

[Caleb Hearon]

I am.

[Katie Kershaw]

What do you think people are getting wrong about Appalachia?

[Caleb Hearon]

I think they're getting. They're getting a lot wrong. Like, it's hard to nail it down, but just like any, like, underserved area, we did not create the problems that we're currently dealing with. We did not. We did not own the hills that they took all of our coal from. We had to work on that land. So therefore there's no, like, ownership there. We didn't have. We weren't able to put that money back into our community. There's a scarcity of bringing, like, high quality foods down there because it's. The land itself is hard to farm. I mean, there's great farmers market. There are great people that have small farms, but it's not flat land. Yeah, I think people are just getting wrong top to bottom. Like, it's hard to even say, you know, we mine the coal, we powered an entire country, and then coal is not clean energy, so we take it away. And now you blame the people who mined all the coal. And it's like, we don't even have the money from it. We just have black long.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And then you.

[Katie Kershaw]

I mind. It's one of those T shirts. Is like, I mind the energy for this whole country. And all I got was black long. Yes, that's what it should be. The official tea.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, the official tea. And we need to give that money back. The people who own the mines, you know.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, yeah. Let's ship the merch money up to the mine owners. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's just such a gorgeous place, too. It's so beautiful.

[Katie Kershaw]

It is so beautiful.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's insane. Our accent, I think, is stunning. I wish I still had mine. I kind of actively got rid of it, and I regret that, but it's. I don't know, it's just gorgeous. I love it so much.

[Katie Kershaw]

It is gorgeous.

[Caleb Hearon]

I know.

[Katie Kershaw]

It feels to me like a larger example of like. Like, kind of like what took place in a lot of cities with white flight. Like, all the moneyed, privileged people left the inner city and took all of their resources and their funding and their tax dollars for schools and everything out to the suburbs.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

And then they turned around and shit on cities for being like, oh, there's all these inner city urban problems. And it's, like, created by you.

[Caleb Hearon]

Right. I mean, they. They really. You know, Appalachia had had early, like, Scots Irish settlers, but then the coal companies came in, created coal camps, coal towns. The only money that they had was fake money that they could pay back to the coal company. The schools were made by the coal companies, and they just forced us into these lines without having anything for ourselves. And it's just. I don't know, it gets so mad.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, of course. Yeah. One of my. You do have a very funny story that I'm not. You don't. We can cut it if you don't want to tell it, but your story about the person on the hill in your town who had the cable.

[Caleb Hearon]

Cable, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I have countless insane stories.

[Katie Kershaw]

Will you tell that one? That's one of my favorites.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, of course. So for a long time, the way we got tv. So. Well, first off, so the geography of hazard, my Hometown. It's like 4,000 people. There are tons of little neighborhoods similar to, like, having a borough in New York.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And my family.

[Katie Kershaw]

Very similar.

[Caleb Hearon]

Very similar. My family lives in Walkertown, just up from the kfc. And when the whole town got new cable, like, finally, Walker Town, we were like, we don't trust you. Because we don't. We have a fear of outsiders because everyone just comes in and either likes our land or gives us a bunch of, like, oxycontin to see what it does to the human body, you know? So it's like, kind of like, why would we.

[Katie Kershaw]

Things have gotten a little weird. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

A little scared.

[Katie Kershaw]

We're a little scared. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

So for my entire childhood, we paid a woman on the hill what range from, like, three to eight dollars. I think it started at, like, three and then got up to eight. Was the highest ever got for cable because she negotiated directly with the cable company. And we only had. We only had the channels that that neighborhood wanted.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

So I was one of the few kids because my mom. Single mom, we lived with my grandparents, and it was a much older neighborhood, so we didn't have MTV, VH1. We had CNN.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

ESPN. We did have Nickelodeon.

[Katie Kershaw]

Did you get Hallmark?

[Caleb Hearon]

We eventually got Hallmark.

[Katie Kershaw]

Okay. We got there.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, we did. It took a while, but then eventually that woman died. Her son took over. Turns out he was addicted to drugs and was using the cable money for drugs.

[Katie Kershaw]

So that'll happen. Yep.

[Caleb Hearon]

And now they are fully incorporated with the rest of the town and they've got every channel you can imagine.

[Katie Kershaw]

The idea of one woman on the hill negotiating with the cable company for the whole town is so fucking funny. She was like, y'all, I got it. She calls him and she's like, no, we don't want that. And everyone's freezing.

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't want mtv.

[Katie Kershaw]

It's fucking hilarious.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. I'm not paying for it. I will not. I don't care.

[Katie Kershaw]

God damn, that's so fucking funny.

[Caleb Hearon]

My grandbabies aren't here enough to watch it.

[Katie Kershaw]

They're not watching it. I don't want it.

[Caleb Hearon]

So after church on Sundays, we would go to my great granny's house. She lived out in the county, so she was a part of the rest of the world getting TV. And she had MTV and VH1. And my sister and I truly treated it like it was like tutoring, like it was school. We would sit inches from the tv, watching every single video, like, taking notes so we could come in on Monday and be like, did you see that Lisa Loeb video? That's really crazy.

[Katie Kershaw]

Once again, lesbian. The immediate poll. Being a singer, songwriter from the 90s. Lesbian.

[Caleb Hearon]

Sorry. That video was great. So we were like, truly, like, I am being abused. I don't have Disney. I don't understand what anyone is talking about at school.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And we would just sit there, inches away while everyone else was in the other room talking about the end of times and eating chicken.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, of course.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Talking about the end days, which Are coming?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes. I mean, every Sunday, it was just, like, watching tv. And then eventually, like, we would just stay so long that nothing interesting would be on VH1, which is hard. And the other room just be like, I swear they've got fires up in these mountains that I've never seen before. That's Jesus coming back end of days. And I would just sit there, like, so terrified.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, of course.

[Caleb Hearon]

Like, God is coming down at any second. So scared.

[Katie Kershaw]

I got really spun out about weird shit about the afterlife as a kid. Like, it wasn't necessarily being dead that bothered me. I remember very vividly I had started playing soccer and was, like, really enjoying it, maybe. I was, like, four, third or fourth grade, and I was just, like, sobbing one day. And my mom was like, what? What are you. So what is going on? And I was like, do we get to play soccer in heaven? And she was like, yeah. She was like, sure, yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I mean, whatever.

[Katie Kershaw]

Whatever gets you to relax.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

But I just would get so spun out about the rules of the universe. I was like, what is allowed to happen in heaven? What isn't? Because I didn't understand. I was like, how do we. We're going with our bodies. But people who are disabled don't have that body. But then if you go to hell, you get nobody. I just was like, I could not understand the rules of the universes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, I spun me out. Same, same. And then my uncle, my dad's oldest brother was not from Appalachia, but he's a. He was a pastor, a Lutheran pastor. And I remember one time walking around, like, a track. I don't know, we were like a family reunion or some shit. And we were walking around, and I was like, you know, Uncle Tom, like, what happens when we died? Like, well, I know you will. I know my mom will. I know this. And he was like, no, you won't know anyone. It'll be, like, pure peace. And I was like, but I'll miss my mom. She's like, no, because you won't have that concept. You'll just be there. And I'm like, how the fuck do you know that?

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, fuck you. First of all, I know I went.

[Caleb Hearon]

Home and, like, actually, my granny's Southern Baptist Church is right. I will see all of you in glory. I don't need any of this shit.

[Katie Kershaw]

I will walk on clouds with everybody. I love.

[Caleb Hearon]

Thank you. And my pets.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, the pets will be there.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Sponsor]

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[Katie Kershaw]

It was so scary to me. I could not. I could not wrap my head around it. And it was perfect for a kid like me who was like, pretty anxious and didn't have a lot of control and like a home. Home life was not super stable. Like, it was. It was all. There was a piece of church that I think I really clung onto because home life was so unstable. I mean, my mom's lovely, but like, she worked a lot of jobs, we moved a lot. Like, my dad wasn't around. Like, it was a little chaotic. And there was a part of church that I think I really latched onto because it offered some clarity and some structure. It was like, if I am good, good things will happen. If I am bad, bad things will happen. That's all I have to know.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

But then, yeah, the, the rules of the situation started to really me up. I was like, that doesn't make sense. I thought we were here for certainty.

[Caleb Hearon]

And then when, like, the preacher will just like at the end, like, make everyone who sins, like, come to the front.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, I'm like, off, man.

[Caleb Hearon]

And we lived in, like, walking distance from our church. And I would just like lean over and be like, granny, I got a bellyach. I gotta go.

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, Queen, I got a bellyache. I can't be a sinner today.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I've got a poop. I gotta go. I gotta poop so bad. I gotta go.

[Katie Kershaw]

And she would just let you skate out?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Oh, to a point. And then she, like, caught on and was like, no one has that many bellyaches, Katie. If it's that bad, we gotta go to the doctor.

[Katie Kershaw]

Katie, you're lying about your belly aches, and I know it With.

[Caleb Hearon]

Truth be told, my stomach's always been fine.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, actually you're like, no, I really do have a fucked up stomach.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

I'm having Mountain Dew for breakfast.

[Caleb Hearon]

Honey.

[Katie Kershaw]

I certainly. I was drinking so much soda and so, like, church was just so. I couldn't. I was vibrating all the time.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't have a ton of soda except when my dad would.

[Katie Kershaw]

Y'all weren't drinking soda?

[Caleb Hearon]

No, we were, but not a ton.

[Katie Kershaw]

Huh.

[Caleb Hearon]

Really? I know. Kind of weird. I was, but I had a weekend dad, so when he would pick me up, I'd be like, can I have surge? And I would immediately. I immediately get some surge.

[Katie Kershaw]

I need a surge. Bad brother. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And then I was just, like, there at, you know, his house with his new wife and kids, and I would.

[Katie Kershaw]

Just be, like, vibrating.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Like, I want more surge.

[Katie Kershaw]

Pulsating.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. So you grew up in Kentucky?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes, I did.

[Katie Kershaw]

And then you go to college in Kentucky?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes.

[Katie Kershaw]

And then you moved to Chicago?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes.

[Katie Kershaw]

And then you start comedy in Chicago?

[Caleb Hearon]

I do, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Where's the first place? Did you go to Second City first or IO?

[Caleb Hearon]

I went to IO. I really didn't have a plan to do comedy. I wanted to go to. I wanted to go to Chicago and, like, be a serious actor.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

But I was like, well, I'm not like any type that exists right now. I'm just kind of a fat 20something, and at the time, not really that cool in the world of theater. So I was basically like, I'll just take an improv class. Because I enjoyed improv in college and I got so, so lucky. Shout out to the family I nannied for. They paid for my classes.

[Katie Kershaw]

Whoa.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. They were like, you did not move to the city to nanny our child. We are very lucky to have you. You moved to the city to do something else?

[Katie Kershaw]

That could almost make me cry, actually.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's so sweet. They are the best fucking people. So they paid for a lot of my classes. So I did I.O. and I did. Did all of I.O. got on a team there. And halfway through I.O. i started doing Second City, did the conservatory, and there's nothing after that.

[Katie Kershaw]

That's it?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, that's it. And then eventually, you know, it's just like, Doing improv everywhere, like, constantly.

[Katie Kershaw]

And then you did Boom Chicago in Amsterdam, Right?

[Caleb Hearon]

I did do Boom in Amsterdam. So I did a cruise ship for Second City.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And I had been told I didn't get Boom. And then right before I leave for the ship, they reach out and say, we'd actually love to have you. And I'm like, well, I'm about to do a cruise ship and I really can't get out of that contract. And they're like, okay, we'll just come as soon as you're done. I was like, okay. So then I did a cruise ship for four months. I had two days off, one of those being Thanksgiving. And I then flew to Amsterdam and lived there and worked at Boom for a while.

[Katie Kershaw]

How long?

[Caleb Hearon]

I was only there for three months because of some issues that were out of my control. I wish I could have stayed longer, but they were having some issues with visas at the time. And I was like, I'm not going to risk not being able to go to Europe again.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

So I.

[Katie Kershaw]

Living in Amsterdam for three months. Pretty sweet.

[Caleb Hearon]

It was amazing.

[Katie Kershaw]

I love Amsterdam.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love Amsterdam. And everyone will always talk about, like, Dutch honesty, which is truly insane, but it's the same as, like, Appalachian honesty. Like, it wasn't that different.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

But, like, one of my castmates and our friend got a haircut. Er, and our Dutch friend looked at them and said, oh, that's much better. And they were like, what did you think? My old hair was bad. And like, no, I didn't know it was bad, but now that I see it good, that is better.

[Katie Kershaw]

And it's like, didn't have to be sad, but lovely. Thank you.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

So you do that and then go out to Chicago for a while. Of course, now you're in la.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. So I go back to Chicago and I was. It was like, the day. The day I got back, it was all weird. Timing was like, the next day was the Second City Generals, which was like, well, no one gets hired from Generals, but you can go. And I talked to Mick Napier, who runs the Annoyance, who's always like, a mentor of mine, who's from Hazard, Kentucky. And I was like, what do I need to do? Like, can you give me tips on these auditions? And he went, just be funnier than everyone else.

[Katie Kershaw]

Obsessed.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, just be a star. And it did give me the permission to just, like, kind of like, it's an audition. I need a fucking scene hog. I need to, like, make this work.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Got hired. Toured for them for, like, a year. Did a stage for a year and then I got cast in Mrs. Fletcher. Filmed in New York and then came here.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. And now you're here.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's my entire life story.

[Katie Kershaw]

That's my whole life story. Well, it's leading into a question I ask a lot of people on this show, I think most everybody, which is like, what do you want? You know, so you, you're of. You're one of the funniest comedians I know.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, thank you.

[Katie Kershaw]

Extremely. Like, you've done all the training, you're in la, you've got your podcast with TN and er, which is so funny. What do you. Well, yeah, what do you want? What's the. What's the idea?

[Caleb Hearon]

I mean, overall, I want things to just be easy for me and my friends. I just want things to be easy.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

But career wise, like, I've never figured out the Internet. Gotta do that. Always thinking I need to be doing that and to sell the script I just wrote. I think that's truly what I want.

[Katie Kershaw]

Which, which script is this?

[Caleb Hearon]

It's the one about my childhood.

[Katie Kershaw]

Nice. Yeah, yeah, I want to read it.

[Caleb Hearon]

All right, I'll send it over.

[Katie Kershaw]

Send it to me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Damn, that fucking rocks.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Like, I never feel like I'm a comedian and I never feel like I can speak correctly. What's going on?

[Katie Kershaw]

Voice is absolutely losing here.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. I've never really felt like a comedian, so I'm like, maybe I should do live shows and stuff. I don't know.

[Katie Kershaw]

Well, you are a comedian.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh.

[Katie Kershaw]

In my opinion. Unless you don't want to be one.

[Caleb Hearon]

Fuck. Thank you.

[Katie Kershaw]

Well, I mean, if you're funny and you make people laugh. What else? What else? That's it.

[Caleb Hearon]

Who else are you?

[Katie Kershaw]

Who else are you?

[Caleb Hearon]

A politician.

[Katie Kershaw]

Name something. Name something. You are, if not a comedian.

[Caleb Hearon]

Um, a mother, a homemaker. I would say, first and foremost, citizen of this earth.

[Katie Kershaw]

Citizen of this earth and this, specifically this country. I'm an American.

[Caleb Hearon]

Above all else, an American. Well, before I'm a Californian.

[Katie Kershaw]

That is so fucking funny. Wait, we have voicemails from our listeners if you want to hear one.

[Caleb Hearon]

I would love to.

[Katie Kershaw]

I would love to as well. Let me see which of these. Okay. Yes. Who knows what these people are going to say. You never do.

[Caleb Hearon]

So far.

[Katie Kershaw]

Hi. The truth I'm wanting to know about is what barbecue do you prefer? Like, do you prefer the wet barbecue or the dry barbecue? Just get back to me whenever you can on the podcast, obviously. Okay, bye. Okay. Loving them.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love them.

[Katie Kershaw]

No introduction, no bullshit. Strictly Business.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's what I want out of a voicemail.

[Katie Kershaw]

Don't fuck around with me.

[Caleb Hearon]

No.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. Just. Do you like wet or dry barbecue? Say no.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Get back to me.

[Katie Kershaw]

For me. Here's what I prefer.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay.

[Katie Kershaw]

All barbecue should be seasoned and smoked so well that you don't need sauce.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

The sauce is additive.

[Caleb Hearon]

Huh.

[Katie Kershaw]

I want. I want smoked ribs. I want really good burn ends. I want incredible. Like a delicious jalapeno cheddar sausage.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm starving, dude.

[Katie Kershaw]

I'm so hungry, actually, I'm gonna cry. My mouth is watering.

[Caleb Hearon]

I know.

[Katie Kershaw]

We should go to Moose Craft sometimes. You've been to Moose Craft?

[Caleb Hearon]

No.

[Katie Kershaw]

Best barbecue in la. But so is like a close second. I want to go the butt toes. But so is resting on their laurels a little bit. I'll say resting on their laurels a little bit. Moosecraft, Hungry Young, Getting after it. That Love that when they're hungry and young and getting after it.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's all I want out of everything out of my team.

[Katie Kershaw]

Hungry, Young and getting after it. Exactly. So I want the meat to be so good on its own that you don't need the sauce. But I'm using the sauce. I'm. I'm drizzling some. I like a thick, sweet sauce. A thick, sweet, brown molasses base, like a Carolina mustard sauce. I'll do it all. What about you?

[Caleb Hearon]

Here's the thing. The barbecue should be wet somehow.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yes.

[Caleb Hearon]

Is it from the juices coming out? The fat is melted.

[Katie Kershaw]

Speak on it.

[Caleb Hearon]

Nothing should be dry, right?

[Katie Kershaw]

No, no, it should not be dry.

[Caleb Hearon]

It should not be dry. I mean, the concept of a dry rub. Love.

[Katie Kershaw]

Right?

[Caleb Hearon]

But yes, it should be seasoned so beautifully. I'm going to spit on the mic.

[Katie Kershaw]

I'm going to throw up. I'm so excited about this.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, my God. It should be seasoned so well.

[Katie Kershaw]

I need this so bad right now.

[Caleb Hearon]

But it. That also means that, like, moisture should be there no matter how.

[Katie Kershaw]

Could be the juices from the meat or a sauce situation.

[Caleb Hearon]

Like fat. And then I am going to drizzle because I love sauce.

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, my God. I'm actually so fucking hungry. This is insane.

[Caleb Hearon]

This is crazy.

[Katie Kershaw]

Will somebody see if Moose Craft delivers? Can we get some Moose Craft of the stew? Yeah, I do, I do. I want. I want. I want to Smoked meat. What's your favorite? Okay. You can only pick one item from a barbecue restaurant. The others, they all die. They die when you pick the one.

[Caleb Hearon]

Along with everyone who's ever touched that kind of meat.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Burn ends.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. Burn ends of the ship.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Burn ends of the ship. Have you been to Kansas City?

[Caleb Hearon]

Only for like a day.

[Katie Kershaw]

You gotta come stay with me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Say that they had 21C. I don't know.

[Katie Kershaw]

What are we doing?

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't know.

[Katie Kershaw]

Why are you and I not at my house in Kansas City?

[Caleb Hearon]

I would prefer that.

[Katie Kershaw]

Why are we not eating burn ends together?

[Caleb Hearon]

Talk about wet or dry. I'm wet right now.

[Katie Kershaw]

Thinking about we go into like a 1980s male comic duo.

[Caleb Hearon]

Would love it. I think we would do well in that world too. I think that's also our lane.

[Katie Kershaw]

They're not ready for us.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, they're not.

[Katie Kershaw]

They're not ready for us to do that. Do you think you would be the. What do you think your catchphrase would be in like a 90s 80s male comic type thing?

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay. Eat my ass. I don't know. It's a frank thing that came to mind.

[Katie Kershaw]

No, that's really good.

[Caleb Hearon]

How about you?

[Katie Kershaw]

Mine. Think again.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay. Eat my ass.

[Katie Kershaw]

Think again.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay. Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

See, that works together.

[Caleb Hearon]

That works really well together.

[Katie Kershaw]

Let's not bleep those either. I like that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Put that out. Put that out. I like that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Well, Katie, what's so true to you.

[Caleb Hearon]

That losing weight does not look good on everyone.

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, my God, baby.

[Caleb Hearon]

I mean, Ozempic is really showing us whose face needs fat to support it.

[Katie Kershaw]

The fat is structural. It's a load bearing fat.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yes, exactly. We could not knock down that wall.

[Katie Kershaw]

We cannot knock down that wall. No, I. You're so right about that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I really kind of. I. I kind of can't.

[Katie Kershaw]

You're so right about that.

[Caleb Hearon]

I can't. Yeah. It's the truth. My face needs it.

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I mean, until we find out I go in Manjaro, like tomorrow. Yeah, but it. It needs it.

[Katie Kershaw]

I would look really hot skinny.

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, I think we both would look unbelievably.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. Good. It would work out for me, unfortunately. Yeah, no, it would work out.

[Caleb Hearon]

Maybe it would work out for both of us.

[Katie Kershaw]

We would look good. Yeah, we're like the exception.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. I would look. I would look really good skinny, unfortunately.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Not trying, but.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, I have no plans.

[Katie Kershaw]

No plans to become skinny. No plans to become skinny.

[Caleb Hearon]

In these past 37 years, I've yet to make that plan.

[Katie Kershaw]

No, it's not us.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, it's not.

[Katie Kershaw]

But if I should I ever decide to enter that coliseum, I know that I'll walk out my head tall, victorious.

[Caleb Hearon]

See, I think this is why I don't do standup because I know I'd be too good at it.

[Katie Kershaw]

Right.

[Caleb Hearon]

And I don't lose weight because I know I would be the number one thin.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, you don't. You can't be the number one thin. No, I. You'd be too powerful. Yes. Were you a thin stand up comedian, the world would tremble. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, my God.

[Katie Kershaw]

We got an update on that barbecue. They don't deliver. Fuck.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay, well, I gotta go then.

[Katie Kershaw]

Play the Curb youb Enthusiasm theme song right here. Put it freeze. Katie and I right here. And play it nice. Nice. That'll be fun. You guys are welcome for that. Yeah. What was I gonna ask you? Okay. So talked about. What you want talked about. You're so true.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

What else is going on with you?

[Caleb Hearon]

What?

[Katie Kershaw]

Do you see anything good lately? Tell me about you. Hold on. Tell me about you.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay, well, if you want to know what I've seen lately.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I just started seven season. What is that or seven season? The season seven.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Of.

[Katie Kershaw]

I just started seventh season. I was like. I was like, okay. Fuck.

[Caleb Hearon]

And I've started drinking a lot.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm drunk on the job.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. No, I. Casey, do you love how I keep moving this?

[Katie Kershaw]

Fine.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay. Actually not recording what was.

[Katie Kershaw]

A cucumber. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

All right, fine.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. We put this episode out. It's solo of me. We've, like, AI'd all your responses just to be like, back to you, Caleb.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, I'm currently watching the TNT original the Closer, starring Keira Sedgwick.

[Katie Kershaw]

Incredible.

[Caleb Hearon]

Thank you.

[Katie Kershaw]

That is in the same vein of a show that I've rewatched three times.

[Caleb Hearon]

Uh.

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, The FX original, the Shield, starring Michael Chiklis. They are in the same very same world. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Wow. Three times.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. I've seen.

[Caleb Hearon]

Should I watch it?

[Katie Kershaw]

I've seen the Shield three times. Not really.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay. Okay. I can't recommend the Closer either.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. There's just something about it that I can't get away from. But it's not particularly like. Yeah, I don't need you to be over there.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, I mean, like, every episode is Keira Cedric doing a Southern accent. And her, like, big character flaw is that she loves eating chocolate.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And so she'll want sweets. And she'll literally go like. And then, like, she's having a hard time figuring out the case. And then, like, her husband will be like, I got you a water. And then she'll be like, a water. That was it. He was just trying to get water. And then he killed that girl Fritz. I'VE gotta go. And then goes and like, solves the murder. That's every episode.

[Katie Kershaw]

I love that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, it's great. I would love to reboot it.

[Katie Kershaw]

I love her and Kevin Bacon.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, me too.

[Katie Kershaw]

I love the little videos they post. They're as a married couple and that is them. I'm not wrong.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, they are married and they do make videos.

[Katie Kershaw]

Her and Kevin Bacon will just get online any time of day, any old day. And he's playing guitar and she's just like dancing around in the kitchen.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's so cute. You.

[Katie Kershaw]

It's just adorable.

[Caleb Hearon]

I will say. Any chance my mother gets to say this fact she will she go, kevin Bacon Kwick lost all their money in Bernie Madoff.

[Katie Kershaw]

Did they?

[Caleb Hearon]

Don't know.

[Katie Kershaw]

Did they?

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't know.

[Katie Kershaw]

Did they lose all their money in Bernie Madoff?

[Caleb Hearon]

Don't know. But my mom also, the day that, like, he was caught, you know, Bernie Madoff don't think about him a lot. I do. My mom calls me on that day because it is my birthday and she goes, they're calling it the new 9 11. And I said, what are they calling the new 9 11?

[Katie Kershaw]

To get a call. So Bacon said that he and his wife lost most of their money when Bernie Madoff notoriously cheated thousands of investors out of billions of dollars. Kevin Bacon said, there's obvious life lessons there. If something's too good to be true, it's too good to be true. Yeah. Kevin Bacon.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

I. The idea of getting a call on your birthday that starts with, they're calling it the new 911. That is.

[Caleb Hearon]

I remember exactly where I was living in Cincinnati. Just drove across the Robling Bridge. Gorgeous bridge. I turned the corner and I'm like.

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, hey, mom, they're calling it the new 9 11.

[Caleb Hearon]

No clue what she's talking about.

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, my God, dude. I am completely obsessed with that. And also, no, they're not.

[Caleb Hearon]

No one did. No one.

[Katie Kershaw]

No, they're not.

[Caleb Hearon]

A bunch of rich people lost money is not the same.

[Katie Kershaw]

They're calling it the new 9 11. I'm gonna start using that 15 minute wait at the restaurant I'm trying to go to.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

They're calling it the new 99 11. I absolutely love that. I read this Heartland, this book I was telling you about earlier that I'm reading. There's a line in it where she, the writer as a kid is talking to, I think her granny or something, and her grandma had a much worse life than she did. And she's saying some dramatic kind of Kid thing about like, oh, you don't know how hard life is or something. And I believe it was her grandma, while smoking a cigarette goes, darling, you haven't the foggiest. You haven't the foggiest is a. It's been trapped in my head since I read it.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, my granny says, like that all.

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, my God. The devil's in the detail. The proof's in the pudding. That dog don't hunt. Yeah. Twice on Sundays, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I could just those any kind of like little southern like phrase, idiom, maxim it all. It's all lodges right in here.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, it's so beautiful.

[Katie Kershaw]

All hat, no cattle. Oh, all hat, no cattle. For somebody who isn't of substance, I love that. I used to have a phone note of some of these. I wonder if I can find.

[Caleb Hearon]

Hold on. I feel like I need to find.

[Katie Kershaw]

You got one in there?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, I used to write. Well, there's one I'll have to tell off Mike.

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, my granny says all had no cattle. So I guess I. I guess I only put two of them in here. But I had the intention. I do this. I start iPhone notes, convinced that I'm going to keep track of stuff. On June 4, 2023 at 8:39pm I started a note that's called phrases I love. And I put all hat, no cattle. And I put she thinks he hung the moon to say that. To say that you really adore someone. I think he hung the moon. I think that's really pretty.

[Caleb Hearon]

Let's see what is. Oh, like Cy Goglin. That's a good one.

[Katie Kershaw]

Cy Goglin, side goggle.

[Caleb Hearon]

Hold on. Here's the thing. Where I'm from, we make up words, right?

[Katie Kershaw]

Well, my. My grandpa said once, and I say this all the time now. He said, I'm happier than a raccoon on trash day.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, I love that.

[Katie Kershaw]

And that just.

[Caleb Hearon]

I just love that we were always saying I'm sweating like a whore in church.

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, yeah, Always.

[Caleb Hearon]

But yeah, side goggle is something that's crooked or off center.

[Katie Kershaw]

It's hotter than a goat's ass in a pepper patch.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's hot.

[Katie Kershaw]

That's another one.

[Caleb Hearon]

That is hot.

[Katie Kershaw]

That's hot.

[Caleb Hearon]

Ain't no hill for a climber. Don't know.

[Katie Kershaw]

What does that mean?

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't know. Just googled some stuff.

[Katie Kershaw]

I just googled some stuff. Ain't no hill for a climb.

[Caleb Hearon]

Ain't no hill for a climber.

[Katie Kershaw]

Ever heard of it?

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay.

[Katie Kershaw]

They're calling it the new 9 11, they're calling it. The new 911 is actually going to be. So I can just feel, you know, when something formative happens to you.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Yep, yep, yep.

[Katie Kershaw]

Hearing that, I'm like, this is a pivotal thing that occurred to me. They're calling it the new 9 11. I love that. Katie, I have a segment for you.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay, great.

[Katie Kershaw]

Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna read you 15 statements.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay?

[Katie Kershaw]

Okay. On my handy clipboard right there. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can. Don't look over here. Don't cheat. You're gonna tell me as I think.

[Caleb Hearon]

If I can see it, it's not cheating because it's just in my cheating, hon.

[Katie Kershaw]

Okay, you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can. After each one. Speed is of the essence. If you think it's true or false, if you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars. Okay? Basketball was invented in 1945. False. False. 1891, Thomas Jefferson is on the two dollar bill.

[Caleb Hearon]

False.

[Katie Kershaw]

True. Fuck. Snapchat's owned by Coca Cola.

[Caleb Hearon]

False.

[Katie Kershaw]

False. It's not. Skydiving is illegal in Sweden.

[Caleb Hearon]

False.

[Katie Kershaw]

False. The space between your eyebrows is called your crock Ridge.

[Caleb Hearon]

I want it to be true.

[Katie Kershaw]

False. Fuck Glabella. Katie Short Thompson is the current president of Northern Kentucky University.

[Caleb Hearon]

False.

[Katie Kershaw]

True.

[Caleb Hearon]

I went there.

[Katie Kershaw]

I went there. The Earth's moon is larger than Mars.

[Caleb Hearon]

True.

[Katie Kershaw]

False. A dog was the mayor of Cormorant, Minnesota, for four consecutive terms.

[Caleb Hearon]

True.

[Katie Kershaw]

True. There are only two countries in the world that use the color purple in their flag.

[Caleb Hearon]

True.

[Katie Kershaw]

True. There are more bourbon barrels than people in the state of Kentucky.

[Caleb Hearon]

True.

[Katie Kershaw]

True. 90% of the world's population lives in the Southern hemisphere.

[Caleb Hearon]

True.

[Katie Kershaw]

False. Northern. There are more McDonald's locations in the US than there are public libraries.

[Caleb Hearon]

True.

[Katie Kershaw]

False. Uma Thurman dropped out of high school.

[Caleb Hearon]

True.

[Katie Kershaw]

True.

[Caleb Hearon]

All right.

[Katie Kershaw]

Twinkies only have a shelf life of 45 days. False.

[Caleb Hearon]

True.

[Katie Kershaw]

Chicago's Green Line train goes to O'Hare Airport.

[Caleb Hearon]

False.

[Katie Kershaw]

False. It's the Blue line.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, duh.

[Katie Kershaw]

How'd she do? Oh, I'm so close. Oh, Sug, don't worry. You have value in other things.

[Caleb Hearon]

This is the newest.

[Katie Kershaw]

They're calling it the new 911. They are calling it the new 911.

[Caleb Hearon]

New 9 11.

[Katie Kershaw]

What would you. If you could be one person who isn't you for a day, who would it be? And by the way, whoever you pick. Everyone else.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, well, that's hard, because my pick was gonna be. I guess it would be Cherry Jones. I was gonna say be Cherry Jones's wife.

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, nice. Yeah, it would be fun to be Cherry Jones's wife.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

I'd love to be like a ranch hand that works under Cherry Jones somewhere. Like in this world. Cherry Jones owns a ranch.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

And I'm like, just a. Just a boy in town for the summer who rolled through, ran out of. Ran out of gas on the highway. Gotta make some money to get on my way back west. And now I gotta work on Cherry's farm for the summer.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, yo, yo. What's gonna happen?

[Katie Kershaw]

I'm sure we'll learn a lot about farming, but we might along the way, learn a little about ourselves as well.

[Caleb Hearon]

And love.

[Katie Kershaw]

And love. What about living?

[Caleb Hearon]

Little about love. A little about love?

[Katie Kershaw]

You know what?

[Caleb Hearon]

I feel like we could go toe to toe on 90s country like nobody else.

[Katie Kershaw]

God. I had some friends in the car the other day. We did a little road trip, and I played now. Okay. We all said we were Alan Jackson fans.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Who isn't, right? So I start playing my favorite Alan Jackson songs. I play little. Little man. They killed the little man. You know, I played little bitty. I played.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, they told me I was playing.

[Katie Kershaw]

All the sad ones. They're like, we don't know these ones. I was like, oh, little bitty's not sad. No, I think that was one they did know. I'm trying to think of the other ones I played that they didn't like. The little man. What's the other one that's like? He's like, small town southern man.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay.

[Katie Kershaw]

Small town southern man was one that I played that. They were like, this one's kind of sad. I didn't think it was sad. I just thought it was slower.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

You know, small town southern man.

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't know if I do.

[Katie Kershaw]

Natural way of life, if you're lucky for a small town southern man.

[Caleb Hearon]

Gorgeous voice. You do Gorgeous voice.

[Katie Kershaw]

Me, Stone, you think I have a pretty singing voice?

[Caleb Hearon]

Thinking I have a pretty singing voice.

[Katie Kershaw]

They're calling it the new 9 11.

[Caleb Hearon]

They're calling it the new 9 11.

[Katie Kershaw]

Katie just mocked me in my voice. They're calling it the new 9 11. This might be the most times I've said 911 on the show.

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, next guest, see if you can beat it without kind of telling them. Just see how many times you can bring it up.

[Katie Kershaw]

Our next guest today is a tenant organizer.

[Caleb Hearon]

Bigger challenge.

[Katie Kershaw]

Bigger challenge.

[Caleb Hearon]

A bigger challenge.

[Katie Kershaw]

Psycho. Tell me a little bit. 911 about your work. Just try to sneak it in subliminally, wherever I can.

[Caleb Hearon]

Well, actually on 911 I. Oh my God.

[Katie Kershaw]

You know what just happened to me?

[Caleb Hearon]

What?

[Katie Kershaw]

Yesterday, I'm on an airplane. I can't believe I'm just remembering this. I've been wanting to air this one out.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay, tell me.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yesterday, me and my friend, me and two of my friends are flying from Kansas City to la.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay.

[Katie Kershaw]

Okay. This is yesterday afternoon.

[Caleb Hearon]

Okay.

[Katie Kershaw]

One of my friends has a seat in economy. No worries, God bless her. And me and my other friend are both in first, but she's got. She was only able to get the far window seat and I was only able to get the other far window seat in row one. Right. So there's two aisle seats between us and then the. The aisle. Well, I'm getting on there. I've never in my life had someone. If someone asked me to move seats and it's in the same section, I always do it, whether I'm giving up my window or my aisle or whatever. And I've always only had people say yes. Yeah, I've never thought that was a problem. Well, I. So my friend's like, will you ask someone to switch so we can sit next to each other? And I go, of course. We're gonna sit next to each other and chat. On the flight I get on, I turn to the guy next to her and I go, hey, would you mind taking my window seat so I could just sit next to my buddy? And he goes, I really like the aisle, man. And I was like, technically that's your right, but you're a fucking loser. Like, I'm sorry, but I couldn't believe it.

[Caleb Hearon]

I was like, I mean, fuck off. If you're not willing to make yourself a little uncomfortable for two hour flight for someone else's comfort.

[Katie Kershaw]

It's first class, by the way. There's not a fucking difference. I'm not asking you to take the middle seat. No, there's no middle seat, Suge. I couldn't believe. And then. So I go, I go, okay, no worries. Of course. Thank you. That's. Yeah, that's your rate. I go to my seat, the guy next to me, I go, would you mind switching with my friend over there so she could come sit by me? We just want to sit next to each other on the fight. And he goes, I don't. I just want to stay where I am. And I go, okay, yeah, totally. You know, I'm like, you know, this is technically. You're right. Technically, we don't have to be part of a society or a community. Yeah, yeah. You can keep your seat if you want to. I guess I might get it. I'm losing faith in humanity. I turned to the two people behind me. I go, are you guys traveling together? They go, no, they don't know each other. And I go, would you guys mind swapping me and my friends so we could sit back here?

[Caleb Hearon]

Stop it. Stop it.

[Katie Kershaw]

And they go, we like to have the storage in front of us and you're in the front row, so we just. We can't. Sorry. And I was like, you are fucking kidding me. I walk around this world thinking that people are generally good.

[Caleb Hearon]

No, they're not.

[Katie Kershaw]

And you're telling me four goddamn people can't give up their special idea of a seat? By the way, not a long haul flight to Australia.

[Caleb Hearon]

No.

[Katie Kershaw]

2 and a half hours. I couldn't believe it.

[Caleb Hearon]

I know who they're voting for just on that behavior.

[Katie Kershaw]

Baby, baby. Jill Stein. They We. So me and Katie take our seats and we're seeing that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Not me, by the way.

[Katie Kershaw]

Not you, by the way. We take our seats and I just look over and I go, hey, I don't think it's going to happen for us. Everyone's in love with their seat. And every single person who said no kind of pretended they didn't hear it. They heard it. I was pissed. I was like, this is insane. Just because you have the right to say no is like, what is your problem? I have said yes to people for that every single time someone's asked.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Then the old guy next to me reading his book for a little bit who had said no. And to be in his defense, I do think he was a little confused by the question at first. And then maybe me saying that he understood who my friend was and where he'd have to sit. He's reading his book for a little bit after I say that. And I'm texting Katie. I'm like, these people suck. I can't believe this. He can't see my phone. I made sure he's reading his book. And then he just goes, okay, I'll do it. He was really sweet. He was really sweet. I think he was confused at first, and so that's why I wasn't. I was like, okay, we'll see. And then he switched seats. And then there was this really sweet moment. So, mind you, I had lost all faith in humanity during this time.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

And Katie comes and sits by me. We chat the whole flight. Have a lovely time. And then we land. And as soon as we're, like, getting our bags and stuff, I lean over to the old guy, and I was like, hey, thank you again so much. That was so nice to sit with my friend. And he goes, it was awesome. I think I might prefer the window now. I got a lot of pictures, and.

[Caleb Hearon]

That man was Tim Waltz.

[Katie Kershaw]

That man was Tim Waltz. That man was Santa Claus. Can you. I mean, the idea. He just hadn't tried the window, and he likes it because he got a lot of pictures. I was like, you're the sweetest person I've ever encountered.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love that.

[Katie Kershaw]

And to think, mere two and a half hours ago, I was ready to have you killed.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. You went on quite the journey.

[Katie Kershaw]

I did. I learned a lot about myself in that moment on that little plane.

[Caleb Hearon]

And about people.

[Katie Kershaw]

And about people. I mean, I do think there's a lot of things that, like, I think society has deteriorated so much in the last five years.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

The social contract is, like, rapidly evaporating. And people. Just because you can do something, you're allowed to keep your aisle seat. But guess what? If two people. You're sitting next to a stranger, and they want to sit next to their friend, I think you have a social obligation to change your fucking seat.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

Unless you're disabled or something, and you need that. Like, you should have a pretty overwhelming reason. It shouldn't just be like, well, this is my favorite thing.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Unless you're saying, like, I had a premonition that I will only stay alive on this plane if I sit in.

[Katie Kershaw]

This seat, and even then, that's not real. So change that fucking seat.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

I just can't. I don't understand. There's people that do this shit all the time.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

They're so, like, obsessed with their own little thing. They won't do anything for someone else. It makes me feel insane.

[Caleb Hearon]

Mm.

[Katie Kershaw]

Don't get me started on Chase Bank. Oh, don't get me started on my experience at Chase bank the other day.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, no.

[Katie Kershaw]

I walk in there. A couple things I need to do. Seven people working. Woman comes over. I left. So I walk in, there's seven people working. I wait. I stand at the teller's window for, like, price. Genuinely, I'm not exaggerating. 12 minutes, no one's helping me. And I go, okay. I've got some other stuff to do in the neighborhood. So I walk. I walk out, go get a coffee run and print something at FedEx and then come back. And one of the people goes, I'm so Sorry. I saw you left. We were just, like, really busy. I was like, oh, my God, no worries. I figured you guys were just busy. Can I get some help with. I need to deposit this check, move some money, take some money out. She goes. She goes. You can actually do all that on our kiosk?

[Caleb Hearon]

No, that's not what I asked.

[Katie Kershaw]

They're calling it the new 9 11. I can do all that on the kiosk. You know what else I could do? Walk outside and step in front of a moving truck. Yeah, I don't want to do it on the kiosk. I hate the kiosk. I hate the kiosk. I want to talk to somebody I know.

[Caleb Hearon]

You look like you're about to cry.

[Katie Kershaw]

I want to. There's like four different things I need to do in here. I don't want to be fucking clicking around on a kiosk. Also, seven of you are working. Does no one want to chit chat with me?

[Caleb Hearon]

You're a delight.

[Katie Kershaw]

No one wants to chit chat with me.

[Caleb Hearon]

Are you kidding me?

[Katie Kershaw]

I want to have a nice little. I couldn't believe it.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's so fucked.

[Katie Kershaw]

The kiosk situation is out of control. I don't want to talk to robots anymore.

[Caleb Hearon]

No. Oh, don't get me started on a. I'm starting it.

[Katie Kershaw]

I'm starting to go.

[Caleb Hearon]

It's the new 9 11.

[Katie Kershaw]

Dude. It really, I. It bums me out. I don't want to talk to the kiosk. And it's not some weirdo like, puritanical old guy thing about, you're at work, you should help me. It's not like I want you to do your job with me. It's like the kiosk is. We're removing all of these small, beautiful interactions from our lives until we're just not going to talk to anybody.

[Caleb Hearon]

I. So during the pandemic. Sorry, I'm going there during the pandemic, I drove across the country a couple times, and one time I stopped in Kansas City and I stayed at the 21C. And it had just been so long since I'd had those little interactions that I nearly cried. I got up to my room and I called my sister right away. And I was like, the woman at the front desk, her husband is a vet. He has a dog. That dog is a pit bull, but it is a service animal. And their landlord's giving them a bunch and they're thinking about fostering children. Like, just went through every detail of this woman's life, and I had so much Joy.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

Those interactions are everything, absolutely everything.

[Katie Kershaw]

And my. My concern is that a lot of people came out of the pandemic feeling like it was a good thing that we didn't have them for a while. It's making me feel distant from those people and crazy because I'm like. I felt like dying the whole time because I wanted those things back so badly. Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

I want a man sitting next to me at Walmart while I'm getting, like, sandpaper to tell me about how his daughter was murdered.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

That really happened.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yes. Tell me about that.

[Caleb Hearon]

I was at a Walmart and I was buying sandpaper because I had just, you know, got a piece of furniture from the street, of course. And this man was next to me. He's like, oh, they don't give you a lot of options because at Walmart, not really a place where you get sandpaper. Not a ton.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And I was like, oh, yeah. He's like, what are you doing? I was like, redoing this desk I found.

[Katie Kershaw]

He's like, I wish my daughter could do that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. He was like. He's like, yeah. I'm just. We're actually redoing our kitchen. Money kind of came through, and so I'm like, okay, I. I know where I am. Someone's had some sort of accident and finally got paid from the government. Classic. Yeah, we've all been there.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hearon]

And he was like, yeah, no, the. The state settled with us after they mishandled my daughter's. After they mishandled my daughter's murder, so I'll never have her back. But, you know, my wife's like, well, might as well redo the house.

[Katie Kershaw]

And, you know. You know where that story would never happen? The kiosk at Chase banged.

[Caleb Hearon]

Thank you.

[Katie Kershaw]

Because the kiosk doesn't have a daughter to get murdered.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's right. That's right, it was. And then I'm, like, walking around the rest of Walmart immediately call my sister, as I often do, and I'm like, tracy, I just talked to this man, and then he, like, passes through and is like, have a good day. And I was like, for sure, for sure, for sure, for sure. He killed his daughter. What's going on?

[Katie Kershaw]

Oh, my God. Not the new kitchen from the daughter's murder.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. My mom has always told me that my third eye is a bit too open because people just tell me, shit.

[Katie Kershaw]

You and I have this encounter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is one of our big things.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katie Kershaw]

People will tell me, in a room of a thousand strangers, somebody will find their way through all of them to me to tell me something crazy. Yeah, there's something about it.

[Caleb Hearon]

I, like, I briefly worked at an opera company, and I did, like, education stuff, But I was at one of our, like, big donor events, and our director of development was like, okay, so you can talk to her. She uses the same plastic surgeon as her. Blah, blah, blah. I didn't have to say anything. They were just like, what a charming little country girl. And they would just come over and just spill all these secrets about their husband, their mistress, and I would just be like, great. Would you like to make a donation?

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, sounds good. We need money for the opera.

[Caleb Hearon]

I don't know if you know that nobody's going.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah. People aren't coming.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Katie Kershaw]

We need money now.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. But no, I was like, there was a part of me in, like, another life. I'm like, do I work in development and just have rich people just tell me secrets and then I just ask for money?

[Katie Kershaw]

I went on a date with a guy recently who did that.

[Caleb Hearon]

Oh, really?

[Katie Kershaw]

He was like, the. His job. Somebody. He was. His job was like, he was the financial researcher for a. An opera. An opera and a. Or something else in that group, but his job was, like, research rich people and figure out who could donate what amounts of money.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love that.

[Katie Kershaw]

Yeah, he was cool.

[Caleb Hearon]

Time for me to do a pivot to that.

[Katie Kershaw]

He was. Pivot time. Pivot time. Back to your roots. Yeah, that'd be fun. Yeah, I'd love to work at an opera.

[Caleb Hearon]

I had a great time. I really loved it. We. Because, you know, famously, most people take education out of the schools, as did Cincinnati, Ohio. So we would bring opera into the classroom, and it was so fun.

[Katie Kershaw]

That's beautiful.

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah, it was great.

[Katie Kershaw]

Everything started going downhill, and they took God out of the schools. I've always said, speak on it. Speak on it.

[Caleb Hearon]

That's the new 911 taking God out.

[Katie Kershaw]

Katie, it's been a delight to have.

[Caleb Hearon]

This episode will not be released.

[Katie Kershaw]

This will not be put out. This will not be put out. Will you please tell people where to find you?

[Caleb Hearon]

Yeah. I am on Instagram at. This is Katie Kershaw. For some reason, I think my TikTok is Katie New shoes. But I couldn't tell you. Not on there a lot. And head over there. Y'all find me. And then I host a podcast with two of my best friends, T.N. tran and E.R. fightmaster at Jocular Pod.

[Katie Kershaw]

At Jocular podcast chocolate. Three icons. I love that. Thank you so much for being on.

[Caleb Hearon]

Thank you so much for having me. Are you kidding me?

[Katie Kershaw]

I love you.

[Caleb Hearon]

I'm starving. I love you.

[Katie Kershaw]

I'm actually starving. Yeah, we've got to figure something out about my starving before. Before the day continues. Yeah, let's figure out something about our starving together.

[Caleb Hearon]

I love you.

[Katie Kershaw]

I love you more.

[Caleb Hearon]

That was a Headgum podcast.