Kevin Morby is One of The Boys

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Kevin Morby is One of The Boys"
So True with Caleb Hearon
Release Date: January 16, 2025

---

In this engaging episode of "So True with Caleb Hearon," host Caleb Hearon welcomes musician Kevin Morby for a candid and humorous conversation that delves into their friendship, personal experiences, creative processes, and philosophical musings. The episode, released on January 16, 2025, offers listeners an intimate glimpse into the lives of two creative minds navigating the worlds of music and comedy.

1. Opening Banter and Friendship Dynamics (00:02 - 05:00)

The episode kicks off with lighthearted banter as Caleb and Kevin reminisce about their first interactions and the development of their friendship. They joke about mispronouncing each other's names and reflect on the serendipitous moments that solidified their bond.

Kevin Morby:
"[00:05] 'Was supposed to do an episode a long time ago, but you canceled me for some reason.'"

Caleb Hearon:
[00:58] "When you first heard my comedian videos, you laughed when the siren went by, and that led to our bromance."

2. Exploring Musical and Comedic Careers (05:00 - 15:00)

The conversation shifts to Kevin Morby's career in music and his ventures into comedy. Kevin discusses his musical style, often branching into jazz, country, and folk depending on his audience. Caleb expresses admiration for Kevin's versatility and humor.

Kevin Morby:
[02:14] "I make jazz music, but I tailor my genre based on who I'm talking to. With cops, I stick to country music."

Caleb Hearon:
[03:10] "I always just say comedian. No one ever specifies the type of comedy."

3. Personal Anecdotes and Memorable Moments (15:00 - 35:00)

Caleb and Kevin share various personal stories, including memorable performances, mishaps, and behind-the-scenes moments. They recount tales from concerts, interactions with fans, and funny incidents that highlight their camaraderie.

Caleb Hearon:
[05:05] "When we were in Paris, I talked about having bad shows, and your friends laughed because you've never experienced that."

Kevin Morby:
[19:00] "I went to a strip club once, and when a stripper danced to 'Lips of an Angel' by Hinder, I knew we had to leave."

4. Journaling and Creative Processes (35:00 - 50:00)

The duo delves into their personal journaling habits, sharing excerpts from Kevin's old comedy notebook and discussing how they use journaling to refine their craft. They emphasize the importance of self-reflection and ideation in their creative endeavors.

Kevin Morby:
[24:10] "I found an old comedy notebook filled with affirmations and vengeful lists. It's embarrassing but insightful."

Caleb Hearon:
[25:19] "I journal too, but sometimes I worry about how it looks if someone finds it after I'm gone."

5. Philosophical Discussions: Beliefs and the Universe (50:00 - 70:00)

A deep dive into philosophical topics unfolds as Caleb and Kevin discuss their beliefs about God, the universe, and existence. They explore diverse perspectives, blending humor with thoughtful reflections.

Caleb Hearon:
[66:11] "I believe God isn't a person in the sky but rather the energy that moves through the universe towards love and positivity."

Kevin Morby:
[69:22] "I think we're all God because we're all the same. Our perception of being separate is an illusion."

6. Experiences with Fame and Public Perception (70:00 - 85:00)

The conversation turns to the challenges and perks of fame. Kevin shares his experiences with public recognition, fan interactions, and maintaining anonymity. They discuss the impact of social media platforms like TikTok on their careers and personal lives.

Kevin Morby:
[47:50] "Sometimes people recognize me when I'm not in my best state at restaurants, which can be overwhelming."

Caleb Hearon:
[86:16] "TikTok is too crazy for me. I delete the app because it's just too much."

7. Fun Segments and Games (85:00 - 95:00)

To lighten the mood, Caleb introduces a "True or False" game where Kevin answers various statements. This segment showcases their playful chemistry and mutual respect, ending the episode on a high note.

Caleb Hearon:
[90:03] "Gordon Ramsay was born in Sweden."

Kevin Morby:
[90:17] "False. He's from Scotland."

8. Closing Thoughts and Reflections (95:00 - End)

In the concluding moments, Caleb and Kevin reflect on their friendship, future collaborations, and the importance of staying true to oneself amidst the pressures of the entertainment industry. They express gratitude towards each other and their listeners, reinforcing the episode's warm and genuine tone.

Kevin Morby:
[92:54] "We're here to support each other, and I'm grateful for this friendship."

Caleb Hearon:
[93:31] "Thank you for being on the podcast. It's been an honor."

---

Notable Quotes:

• Caleb Hearon ([66:11]): "I believe God isn't a person in the sky but rather the energy that moves through the universe towards love and positivity."

• Kevin Morby ([69:22]): "I think we're all God because we're all the same. Our perception of being separate is an illusion."

• Caleb Hearon ([90:03] & [90:17]): Engages in the "True or False" game, showcasing their playful interaction.

---

This episode stands out for its blend of humor, heartfelt conversation, and insightful discussions. Caleb and Kevin's chemistry offers listeners both entertainment and thoughtful reflections, making "Kevin Morby is One of The Boys" a memorable addition to the So True with Caleb Hearon series.

Transcript

[A]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I went up to Tech9 and I was like, hey, man, I just want to say it's an honor to meet you. I'm from Kansas City, and, you know, I'm a musician, and watching your story as I was growing up always gave me, like, faith that I could someday do it. And he goes, someday you will shout out Tech9. He love that. Yeah. It was sick.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

All right, let's get into it.

[B]

Kevin Morby, our first ever tell the people where we are.

[A]

We're in Kansas. We're in Caleb's house.

[B]

You're in my house.

[A]

You're in her hair.

[B]

On what?

[A]

Your last name.

[B]

We're such good friends. We're such good friends. That's crazy.

[A]

And yet.

[B]

Are you serious? Is it Marby or Murby? Caleb Heron, you know, out of. That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah. Caleb Herron, we're in your home.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is your couch. Your first ever Kansas City episode. I'm very flattered to be here.

[B]

First ever Kansas City episode. It's good to have you here, brother.

[A]

Was supposed to do an episode a long time ago, but you. You canceled me for some reason.

[B]

Well, I have very mixed feelings about you.

[A]

Oh, wait. Actually, I wanted to do something. Beginning of this. Hey, Kel. Good to see you, dude. Give me a kiss.

[B]

That is the funniest. That is the funniest thing. Kevin and I decided recently that the funniest thing that we should bring back is meeting someone and being like, the pleasure's all yours.

[A]

All yours.

[B]

Putting your hand out for a kiss.

[A]

Nice to meet you.

[B]

Charmed, I'm sure.

[A]

And they go in for a handshake and maybe grab it up here.

[B]

Yeah, I want it. But when you do it, I think it's really crucial that you look away.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The pleasure's all yours. And you don't want to look at them kissing the hand. You just want to feel the embrace of their little lips. Kevin Morby. So what do you do exactly?

[A]

That's a great question.

[B]

I see you around a lot, and I'm like, do you work? Do you have a career? What is your thing?

[A]

I don't know. You know, I don't know. I think if you went to my Wikipedia page, would say that. I'm a. A musician.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, I'm gonna listen to your stuff.

[A]

Yeah, you should check it out kind of stuff. It's like jazz. I hope it's jazz.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

It's jazz. Yeah.

[B]

Sweet.

[A]

It's jazz. That is a. You know, it's a good question. What kind of music do I make? And it always is different depending on who asks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's like. If a cop asks.

[B]

Yeah, I was really locked in on that.

[A]

If there's a.

[B]

What are you saying to a cop?

[A]

Country music.

[B]

You say country music. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Like if you get pulled over. Country music. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think I've even gone as far to say religious music mostly.

[B]

Pro blue ST Stuff. Yeah.

[A]

Pro blues. Pro blue blues.

[B]

Yeah, Pro blue blues. I hate the way they're treating our boys in blue.

[A]

But a cop. You say country music.

[B]

Let's write a country.

[A]

If it's like someone you think is cool, you say like rock and roll.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then if it's customs, you also say. You say folk. Yeah, well, but that could be. That could also be carrying a message that they might not like. So maybe you go back to country music.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Christian country music.

[B]

Christian country music.

[A]

And then, like, if someone's parent is asking, I usually say, like. Like. Like folk rock. Indie rock.

[B]

Indie rock, yeah.

[A]

Okay. So that's what I do. I make those things.

[B]

That's really interesting, actually.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I always just say comedian.

[A]

Yeah. I was wondering, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I don't have any other people say what kind of comedy? I say really good.

[A]

Like, if a cop asks, you just say comedian.

[B]

Oh, no, I would never tell a cop anything about myself.

[A]

Then you followed up with a joke.

[B]

No, I wouldn't talk to the police. The fact that you do is crazy.

[A]

Well, it's because I'm always breaking the law.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, that's actually fucking cool. That's actually sick, dude. Fuck, that's awesome. Yeah, I like your music a lot. I'm a big fan of your music.

[A]

Thank you, Caleb. And when did you first hear it? Tell me, tell me. Tell me all about that.

[B]

I was 16. No, I don't remember when I first heard it, but I was in a music video of yours.

[A]

You were?

[B]

Yes. Kind of how we became friends.

[A]

That's the beginning of our friendship. It's funny because I was thinking about how do I know you? And I know you from your videos.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're a big fan of your comedian videos.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That during the pandemic, I think there was one where you were talking and, like a siren went by and you waited for the siren.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you started talking in the video cut off.

[B]

Yeah. Do you remember what I said?

[A]

I think you were talking about, like, something about Trump.

[B]

No.

[A]

What are we talking about?

[B]

Not even close. Wasn't even talking about political. I was in my car filming a video. And I don't even. I was trying to film some front facing comedy video. I think I was, because during that time I would just like improvise and see what I found. And I was in my car and a siren started coming by. It was really long. So I just like paused. And then the siren passed and I. And I kind of kept the pause for a second and I said, and you know, it's not illegal to be yourself. And then it cut, cut out.

[A]

It was very good.

[B]

People liked that one.

[A]

It was very, very good. That's how I found out about you. And then at some point, you were wearing a Kansas City hat. And I was like, why does this fool got a KC hat on?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I did further research and that's how our.

[B]

That's how our bromance began.

[A]

That's how our bromance began. And I feel like it happened in the dms.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I asked to be my music video for my song Rock Bottom.

[B]

Pretty cool.

[A]

And then you came by that and the. The whole thing in that music video was like. It was like that. It was like a bad performer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I called up the worst one. I know.

[B]

Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. I would take that personally if I respected your opinion, but I don't. It's. I don't.

[A]

Full stop.

[B]

Yeah. I did have to do a fake bombing set. It was so hard to bomb, even for a fake.

[A]

When we were in Paris recently, I remember talking to you and your comedian friends about my show that I'd played that night. And I was talking about how sometimes I have bad shows. And I was like, what do you guys do when you have bad shows? And then you all said, we've never. We wouldn't know. And then you guys laughed and there was a decibel reader. There's like decibel readers in Europe for those of you who don't know. And they have to keep the volume of the music that's playing under a certain db. And your guys's laughs at your own.

[B]

Joke just shot through the roof.

[A]

And I watched the decimal. It was really funny.

[B]

God, I love that. I don't know if I knew the decibel thing. Were you holding that in? Was that your own secret?

[A]

I just thought. I thought you knew.

[B]

You mentioned we want is like the.

[A]

Big, like number reader on the wall.

[B]

I mean, I knew it was a decibel reader, but I didn't know that our laughs in that moment spiked it.

[A]

What if it was just every dollar that place had made. They just like every time someone buys a new drink, it goes up. It just shows how much money they've made over.

[B]

You know what I think is actually kind of chic in that vein, which is the restaurants now that have. This is so corny and bass and stupid and embarrassing that it kind of has circled back to chic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Restaurants that have the follower count.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like they have the little sign that's like, we just got another Instagram follow and it like ticks down or ticks up. That is so stupid in cornball that it actually has circled back to being chic.

[A]

Yes, sure.

[B]

Something that can happen.

[A]

Is it like the Facebook, like, thumbs up, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

If you go too far into corny and self involved and insane, you. You circle back to she.

[A]

You go through the looking glass and just. Yeah, yeah. The other side.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

What about. What about the. What about the tip reader?

[B]

Do you know that song? What Tip reader? Hold on.

[A]

Where it says like, well, you got to type in what tip you want or like 25, 30 or 35% or whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But the, the lowest one's starting higher and higher.

[B]

They're getting higher and higher. They are really? No, it used to be 15, 18, 20.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now they start at 22.

[A]

When I see. I respect when it starts at 22. I'm like, you fucking crazy people. This is great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Well, you don't tip.

[A]

I don't tip. That's right.

[B]

So for you, it's just funny.

[A]

I actually have a story about not tipping, but we'll get to later.

[B]

Well, I was going to. Was like, oh, have you heard that song? That song that's like, maybe when you said through the looking glass. I'm looking at you through the glass. Don't know how much time has passed.

[A]

I don't know it.

[B]

All I know is that it feels like forever.

[A]

Who sings it?

[B]

I don't know. It was from like.

[A]

Are you plugging your own song?

[B]

No. You. You were. You're quite a bit older than me, so it was popular when I was like, young.

[A]

Yeah. I was doing other things during that time, like experimenting with psychedelic drugs and things like that.

[B]

Yeah. You were?

[A]

Living on my own. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Experimenting with scarves in Brooklyn.

[A]

Yeah. Experimenting with scars working. By the way, how old are you?

[B]

Me?

[A]

Yeah. Let me just ask you a question. True or false?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

True or false. You're still in your 20s.

[B]

True or false? I am still in my 20s. True.

[A]

Okay. True or false. In two weeks from now, you'll still be in your 20s.

[B]

What's the day of my birthday? I wouldn't do these bits if I were you.

[A]

The 25th.

[B]

You're backing your. No, sir.

[A]

Well, that's the day of your birthday.

[B]

Party that you're skipping.

[A]

Well, that's confusing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you hold all these.

[B]

Are you gonna come to my birthday party?

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

Kevin.

[A]

We'll see.

[B]

I do realize what I do for you.

[A]

You want me to get on an airplane from Tulsa, Oklahoma.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is where I'll. I'll be.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And fly to New York City for your party. Sell me on the party. Other than I. I love you and you're one of my best friends. And you're turning. How old are you turning?

[B]

I don't recall, but I'm turning 30. I'm excited to turn the big three. Oh, excited to turn 30. Now, here's what I'll say.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I love the way that you're aging. You've been doing it for so long.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

And you're aging really beautifully. You're handsome, you're talented, you're a great guy. Everyone loves you. So I want to take some tips from you, because a long time from now, when I'm in your position.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want to be where you're at.

[A]

Well.

[B]

So how do I age gracefully like you have?

[A]

I think. You know, I've told people this recently who are in the boat that you're in, which is about to turn the big three. Zero.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, when you turn 30, you're still 29. Up until 35.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The moment you turn 35, you're 40. Which someone who's 40 is gonna watch us and call bullshit on it and say that I'm a young man. Cause I'm only 36.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm only 36, but I'll be 37 this year. But how do you age gracefully? You know, you just live, laugh, love.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Live, laugh, love. You just gotta laugh.

[B]

You laugh a lot.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta laugh. That's why I hang out with you.

[B]

You're a silly guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're. What do you think's our best bit that we've had.

[A]

Oh, man. Wait.

[B]

We've got some Alzheimer's.

[A]

We've got some Altime. The one in the car. Okay.

[B]

I knew this would be your one.

[A]

I don't know if we should talk about it.

[B]

I knew this would be your one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The one you're. This isn't bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The one you're referring to.

[A]

It's pretty bad.

[B]

The one you're referring to where I. I. This thing.

[A]

Yeah, the gun.

[B]

Where I. Yeah, it's basically a dance move that I like to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where I. A gun and start pointing it while I dance.

[A]

Yeah. We're doing different violent acts to the beats of songs.

[B]

I guess that is bad.

[A]

Yeah. It started out somewhat innocently as just the gun, and it moved on.

[B]

We shouldn't talk about how it.

[A]

I'm trying to think of other bits we've got. I mean, I know there's a bunch of them, but.

[B]

Evan Mormy.

[A]

Yeah. On the hot mic.

[B]

Yeah, on the hot mic.

[A]

On the hot mic. I don't really know.

[B]

No one will know what that's about. Don't you think?

[A]

Yeah, I guess that.

[B]

Don't worry about it. Everything's cuttable. You have to remember that, Kevin.

[A]

Everything's cuttable. I've done a. What are we live?

[B]

Oh, we're live.

[A]

What's a podcast?

[B]

Live. We're live to the viewers right now. Why?

[A]

Why a podcast?

[B]

Caleb, Why a podcast?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Money.

[A]

Money.

[B]

Next question.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

No, I like to connect with the people. I'm trying to run for office.

[A]

What camera do I look into for the people? This one.

[B]

That's gonna be okay. Yeah.

[A]

Hi, guys.

[B]

Say. Yeah. What do you have to say to the people? Address them.

[A]

Happy new year. It's 2025. Is off.

[B]

Wide a way is past the New Year. You know what I just checked?

[A]

What?

[B]

Our Taco Bell's here.

[A]

What's your Taco Bell? It's here. It's freezing outside. It's 9 degrees.

[B]

Can anyone grab it? Lexi, my king.

[A]

What? What? What is your Taco Bell order? Also, by the way, I don't think I ate Taco Bell for 2024, and I've already had in 2025.

[B]

You want to buy to my Taco Bell? You didn't order any?

[A]

No, I'm full. But what's your order at Taco Bell?

[B]

Chicken quesadilla. Every time.

[A]

It's a great quesadilla.

[B]

Sometimes you add other stuff.

[A]

I like that one.

[B]

But every time I get a chicken.

[A]

Quesadilla, you know, I'll go hard. And I used to, like, there's this thing with me and a lot of my musician friends when we tour Europe, and then the day you fly back from Europe, you have to go get Mexican food, because they don't have that over there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And sometimes, like, I know Taco Bell's not, like, great Mexican Food. Yeah, but so it's like, it's a step further, you know, like sometimes you get these weird cravings for like certain fast food or for like Chipotle or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, which I think is just this sort of American luxury.

[B]

Get it from McDonald's, which is so humiliating.

[A]

You get McDonald's in Europe. It's great over there.

[B]

It is. Yeah.

[A]

It's really good. But McDonald's is good.

[B]

It is, but it's not. It's very. It's not a cool thing. Like, when it comes to fast food cravings, a cool thing to crave is like canes or like something a little nichified. Craving McDonald's is very disgusting.

[A]

I actually don't think so anymore. I think McDonald's is weirdly. I think it's weirdly becomes icedy again.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I swear to God.

[B]

McDonald's?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

I think it's becoming this cool thing.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're a cool guy. I trust.

[A]

Yeah. There you go. There you go. Let me on the other side of 35. This is what's cool. Eating McDonald's. I had McDonald's recently is great. But what I wanted to say about Taco Bell was.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, sorry.

[A]

Sometimes I'll come back from Europe jet lagged out of my mind and I'll drive back from the airport and I've just been to all these amazing places and I would go to like the most disgusting Taco Bell that I can find and order so much food. Like $30 worth of taco Bell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then I'll eat it all and then I'll take a jet lag nap and then I'll wake up full of gas.

[B]

Yeah. If I eat Taco Bell and then take. Go to sleep or take a nap, I'm waking up with different parts of my body feeling like lava that have never felt that way.

[A]

I'm talking like a four hour.

[B]

I randomly wake up with like a calf pain. Like something will be so wrong with me.

[A]

Yeah. But it's good stuff. I'm. I'm proud of you that you got it.

[B]

Tonight I'm experimenting with sitting like this. What do you think of it?

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

This is, this is what's cool. For those regular viewers of your podcast that were in your home, they can like, look at all, like the little, like, you know, knickknacks and see, see what you're really like.

[B]

I'm worried about.

[A]

Only the rivers are peaceful. Thomas Hart Benton's Missouri Mirror. That's nice.

[B]

I hope we won't catch Anything going? I'm wearing sleep pants right now, which I've never done on the podcast. It's a very casual episode for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm worried about that. And then also my little cousin made this truck out of Legos. Oh, that's beautiful. Isn't that kind of cool?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What else is cool to you? What's in and out for Kevin Morby?

[A]

What's in and out for. For me? I don't know. I'm always. I'm really into hoodies right now.

[B]

You look great in the hoodie.

[A]

Thank you very much. I think it's cuz it's cold. You know, sometimes I go, I'm like, try. I try to dress like loudly and I want to wear like cool clothes, like cool designer clothes.

[B]

Not us.

[A]

And then there's times it's not us.

[B]

Not me and you, brother.

[A]

It's not me and you, brother.

[B]

Simple Midwestern guys.

[A]

You've got like, like your own. Your own shirt on with a lot of loud colors on it.

[B]

I see you trying to. I see you trying to posture in Louisville.

[A]

Well, sometimes I just want to wear it. Like it's like a uniform. So easy to just throw on a hoodie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it just feels good, you know? So that's one thing. That's hoodies.

[B]

What's out? What are you not vibing with what's out?

[A]

That's a great question. You know, I've been wearing Birkenstocks for the past couple of years. I haven't been wearing Birkenstocks for a while.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I don't know. They're just a little out right now. Look, they don't. I think they're a little too heavy.

[B]

My stomach just dropped. That made me sick.

[A]

I think they're a little too heavy. Which at 36, you'll experience stuff like this too. You need light footwear. You need to like. Your whole body's so heavy to pick up. You just need light footwear.

[B]

Is this real?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You told me something about it.

[A]

It's absolutely real. It's absolutely real. My ankles started to hurt really bad like two years ago. And the cage was like, you need some lighter shoes. And I was like, oh, dude. Yeah. I've been wearing these, like rubbery boots. My ankles are really weak. It might be because I'm a runner and that thing happens where like my whole body just starts to hurt from running.

[B]

Yeah, but it's beautiful that you run.

[A]

It's beautiful.

[B]

I love. You're also a tennis player.

[A]

I'm a tennis player. I think a real tennis player would be mad at that statement if they saw my game.

[B]

Yeah. Are you bad?

[A]

I think, yeah. I'm getting better. I'm getting better all the time. The problem with tennis is it's like playing the violin or something. If you did it as a kid, you've just got it in your bones.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Um, but I don't know. I. I kind of make a fool of myself out there, but I do my best.

[B]

What's your least favorite song of yours?

[A]

My least favorite song?

[B]

Your least favorite song you've ever put out?

[A]

That's a great question.

[B]

You know, for the Moorp heads.

[A]

Do it for the more pets. All right. For the more pets. My least favorite song. I actually want everyone to drop in the comments their least favorite song of mine.

[B]

Don't. Oh, you don't want that.

[A]

Well, there would be no comments then.

[B]

Well, what do you don't have favorite song reviews you've ever put out?

[A]

It's hard to. It's probably just one I haven't thought about all the time. Okay. I think it's probably like my second record. My second record's called Still Life, and I never fully loved that record or connected with it. It just had a lot of filler in my mind. I just wanted an album out, you know what I mean? So I wrote all these songs. I think there's a song called Drowning on it that sometimes I'm a little embarrassed by. But you know what? I said that recently, and a guy was like, that song is my favorite song. And I love that song. That's what's great about music.

[B]

One thing I love about you is that you managed to turn that prompt into a compliment. You're like, I don't know if I fuck with it, but it did save a guy's life.

[A]

It did save a man's life. He was on the led.

[B]

That's some really.

[A]

Start singing my song drowning to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Drowning becomes like, your most streamed song ever after this episode.

[A]

Yeah, this is like Illuminati trying to get my streams up on drowning.

[B]

What was Harlem River? Out of the water. Is Harlem river your biggest.

[A]

No pun intended? I think a song called Beautiful Stranger is my biggest. But Harlem river probably close behind, you know? And both of those songs are. I just go into, like, documentary style about, like. Yeah, it's so weird.

[B]

When I wrote them, you know, that's what I want. I love those songs, and I love hearing about that stuff.

[A]

Well, sometimes the Harlem river, it's fun. There's no like chorus or anything. And it's just a vibe. And I think people really relate to that. Become a big song. So I can tell on my Instagram and what I get tagged in. In the yoga community.

[B]

In the yoga community?

[A]

Yeah, it's like. Cause they just put it on and they like stretch to it. And it's like in the Pilates community, people.

[B]

It's hot. Oh.

[A]

And then also in like the pole dancing community, like. Like people who did that as sort of like. I'm telling you, I get tagged in these videos all the time.

[B]

Next time you get tagged in someone pole dancing to Harlem river, send it to me. I ab.

[A]

I could send you so many around because Nathaniel, our buddy, Shout Out. Nathaniel Raitliff.

[B]

Missouri King.

[A]

Missouri King. One of my best buds, good friend of ours. He. He and I, we get tagged in a lot of. Because he's got some of his songs get tagged in him a lot as well.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's so funny. So we send them to one another. So our DMs is basically just like us sending each other pole dancing videos that our songs have been tagged in. I love that in sandwiches because we're just always talking about sandwiches.

[B]

Sandwiches.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was in a strip club once when I was 18 years old, freshly turned 18.

[A]

Where at?

[B]

Chill Coffee City.

[A]

KC.

[B]

Wow. Totally nude girls. You know it?

[A]

On Broadway or. No, on. Across from the Record Bar.

[B]

Main or Grand? Yeah, Record Bar. That one. Whatever. That's on. I went there with my friends. We road tripped here from our hometown to go to the strip club because we thought we were so edgy. We didn't. It wasn't even like a horny thing. It was literally like we took our girlfriends with. Yeah, they took their girlfriends. They were dating. I took my girlfriend. So I was like my girlfriend, you know?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But we went to the strip club and it was so depressing in there.

[A]

They let you in and you're just. Just 18?

[B]

Yeah. Were they not supposed to?

[A]

I think you got to be 21, right?

[B]

Well, they let us in. Sorry, guys. Like a bar back then. It's probably new staff.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

But they let me in and I didn't have a fake. I was not a cool kid. So they let me in. Being 18. And I said to my friends, I said, the vibe in here is off. I am pretty sure someone's going to do a dance. The Lips of an angel soon song was big at the time, and if they do, we have to leave. And I'm not kidding you. Two songs later, there you Go. Blue lights wash the stage. Lips of an angel.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Stripper comes out, starts doing a sad little dance.

[A]

Lips of an angel.

[B]

Honey, can he hear your voice? Remember it?

[A]

I actually don't, but this.

[B]

Fuck me up. You don't know the lips of an angel?

[A]

No.

[B]

In the lips of an angel, who sings it. Hinder. Hinder.

[A]

I believe I don't know any of this.

[B]

Lips of an angel by hinder. And sad little dance this girl does, this young woman, beautiful young woman.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Doing a sad little topless dance.

[A]

Did you give her money?

[B]

Well, she got her chest out. Do what?

[A]

Did you give her money?

[B]

I was not in a position to give her money at the time.

[A]

Like. Like. Like she's too far away.

[B]

I had spent all my money on a stripper named Candy.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

From Iowa, who I really connected with.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

We. You leave it to me to make a connection with a stripper. I mean, we really got into it. She had two kids at the time. Candy, I hope you're well, darling. But yeah. Sad little dance to Lips of an Angel. And I said, we got to go, boys.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

We got out of there.

[A]

Rallied the troops. Got out of there.

[B]

We can't. Lips of an angel at the strip club. I'm sorry to say. You know, I love your music. Harlem river at the strip club. I would love it and it would be funny to me, but it's not making me horny.

[A]

Sure. Not getting you horned up.

[B]

Not getting me horned up. It's a beautiful song.

[A]

Well, thank you very much.

[B]

But I don't want to see somebody sh. Yoga made a lot of sense to me. Strip. Stripper. Strip pole really threw me off.

[A]

Word. Word. Well, I wonder. It's a great question.

[B]

Word.

[A]

It's a great question, though. I. Because I feel like this is more of a like. Like sport that people are doing. I don't know if it's, like, erotic, like pole dancing.

[B]

People do it more as a sport.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, it sort of, like, seems trendy on Instagram or something, but I wonder if it's been blasted in a. In a strip club.

[B]

Yeah, I wonder.

[A]

Harlem River. Let us know. Good people. Have you heard it?

[B]

If I was going to play one of your songs in a strip club, like, there's a lot of funny options. Like, Five Easy Pieces would be hilarious.

[A]

That would be funny. Nice. I could see someone doing something.

[B]

A song for Katie's a pretty funny song to play in a strip club.

[A]

If the. If the woman's name was Katie. Be very funny.

[B]

Stop before I cry. In the strip club. I would. The. The song I would pick, though, in a strip club from your music. I would. If I was dancing, were I dancing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Were I one of the girls? Tits out doing my thing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'd go rock bottom.

[A]

That would make sense.

[B]

Rock bottom.

[A]

Bottom. But it's also got like a. It's rock bottom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, rock bottom's fun. Yeah. Word.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

Thank you. I'm glad that one of my jokes.

[B]

Would you strip to?

[A]

I would strip to. That's a great question.

[B]

Which one of my jokes would you strip to?

[A]

I was thinking about this the other day. Not.

[B]

I was thinking about your comedy the other day, and I. Getting in. Me getting naked and stuff like that.

[A]

Met some friends of mine recently, and they were asking what you do? And I was like, he's a comedian. And they. They're like, send me some jokes. And I was like, what. What. What jokes of Caleb do I like?

[B]

Who is this people? We met.

[A]

My friend Michael.

[B]

Michael. Poor. Oh, I love Michael.

[A]

Michael's great.

[B]

Yeah, Michael. Sick tattoos.

[A]

Sick tattoos.

[B]

God. Cool.

[A]

What would I strip to? That's a great question, though. What. What of your jokes would you strip to?

[B]

You know, you can't name one of my jokes, can you?

[A]

I'm too. I'm on the spot. I'm on the spot. I'm on.

[B]

I could name, like, deep cut lyrics of yours.

[A]

I know. Oh, no. Okay, wait.

[B]

This is sick. Oh, this is completely sick. I'm actually throwing up.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

I know right now.

[A]

I know your jokes.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Okay, the other night at Largo, when you said the thing.

[B]

The other night at Largo, that wasn't even a set.

[A]

I've seen so many your shows. I know. I know your bits. I know all your. Okay, great one. I love this one. Oh, the guy was going to kiss you and he said smooches or something.

[B]

Oh, my God, Kevin.

[A]

He said smooches like.

[B]

No, dude, this isn't something.

[A]

I know, I know. What do you mean, this isn't something?

[B]

This is not a joke of mine. You're thinking of us.

[A]

No, it is. And then you run away. You run around. You run around the stage.

[B]

That. There. There is a bit where I talk about a hookup and I run around the stage, but you have not nailed any of the car.

[A]

He says smooches, then what's that joke?

[B]

No, I'm not telling you the joke. You have to come up with a joke of mine now. It's not even. What would you shoot to now the game is name one joke of your good friend.

[A]

I. I'm. I'm.

[B]

Oh, this is sick.

[A]

I. I saw. I saw. I saw you do a whole standup in Boone, North Carolina.

[B]

You came to an hour of my standup.

[A]

Yeah, it was great. I laughed my ass off.

[B]

I killed in Born North Carolina shout out. I love you guys.

[A]

So what's going on with you?

[B]

I'm murdered. What's going on with me is you need to name one of my jokes. Dude, you got so sick that night. Did you. Did your tummy hurt that night? Real bad.

[A]

Oh, from the restaurant.

[B]

I ate too much.

[A]

Restaurant was great.

[B]

We went to this restaurant in Boone, North Carolina, called Lewis and Clark Restaurant.

[A]

What it's called?

[B]

It's called Lewis and Clark. Something like that.

[A]

Like that? Yeah.

[B]

And Clark Restaurant or restaurante. It was really fudgeing good. But I ate so much that I.

[A]

Thought I was bringing fried chicken out on like a. Like av, sort of.

[B]

Yeah. They had like a cart of food that they brought around. It was sick.

[A]

The waitress is very cool.

[B]

Biscuits and ham. Yeah, our waitress was awesome. She was 375 years old, which I thought was tight. Hated to see her working, but she was. Got good vibes.

[A]

She was great. She kept asking us the same questions over and over. In a great way.

[B]

Yeah. Well, in a great way. And also. Yeah, her mind is going. She's quite old, but it was beautiful.

[A]

It was beautiful.

[B]

Hate to see her working. You wonder if she wanted to.

[A]

What's her name?

[B]

Barbara. Sure, I'd believe it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you know any jokes of mine?

[A]

I'm. I've hardly to concentrate now because I'm trying to think of them.

[B]

Yeah, that's really tough. I. Actually, speaking of jokes of mine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I did find. Today I was cleaning up the house a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I found an.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

An old comedy notebook of mine.

[A]

Let me read one.

[B]

No.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

I'm gonna tell you some, though. Do you want to go? Do you want to know some of the things that are in here?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I found some pretty funny stuff when I was going through here.

[A]

I remember joking yours.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Something about being 35 and how you'd never turn 35.

[B]

Well, I would never do that. That's not.

[A]

Yeah, so there you go.

[B]

I just named a joke, kind of.

[A]

I.

[B]

But ideally, you know, some intimate details. You would know some structure.

[A]

That's the. That's what I would strip to. Because it would be. I'm 36, and it would be like, I would never turn 35.

[B]

Yeah. That's pretty. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

Got there. This is pretty humiliating. This is a page that I just wrote some affirmations.

[A]

I actually just want to see what you're handwriting like and everything like that.

[B]

One of my affirmations is I'm a unique and compelling writer.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Another one is everything I Want is on its way to me. Oh, I was clearly broke when I was writing this because I wrote, money will come parentheses, please. That's all good stuff, huh?

[A]

That's really nice. Can I see? Because I was journaling today. Do you ever feel self conscious about, like, your journal, you want it to look cool? Like, because if someone found it, like, when you died.

[B]

Yeah, like when they find it after I die.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, you want it to look like the great American journal that gets discovered.

[B]

I used to be really good at journaling in, like, aesthetic ways. And then.

[A]

Let me see. Let me see. Paige.

[B]

Like, here's. Here's. Here's something I wrote while we were filming Sweethearts.

[A]

Can I read it?

[B]

I wrote this at Beechwood Cafe in Jersey. Well, can I tell you what it is first? Yeah, I will let you read it. I wrote this the week before I started filming Sweethearts, my movie that just came out in November.

[A]

I saw it. Great movie.

[B]

Thanks for seeing it. I wrote this the week before filming. I sat at Beechwood Cafe in Jersey City, New Jersey, and I wrote out my intentions for the film. Like, what I wanted to come from the movie. And I wrote this little thing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But that's. You can see kind of how I like to spread things out.

[A]

This looks great. You have beautiful handwriting.

[B]

Thanks, dude.

[A]

Beecher Cafe, Jersey City.

[B]

You can read one if it's not too humiliating. Okay, so don't read the first one.

[A]

Okay, I'll read the. How about I read the last one?

[B]

Something not humiliating.

[A]

Oh, this is a nice one. I will work with Jordan, Dan, Kiernan, and Nico again. Yeah, that's nice affirmation.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Also, I want to go back to not know. Not knowing your jokes, which I'm being burned for on your podcast right now.

[B]

Yeah. Because I know all your work.

[A]

I do know your jokes. I know, like, the bullet points to them. That's like asking you to recite my lyrics. What's the second verse? To stop before I cry.

[B]

No, no, it's the same. What that is.

[A]

Yes, it is.

[B]

It's not what that is. That's not. No.

[A]

100. 100, the song.

[B]

Now stop before I cry. We could go out dancing soon as the world returns we could go out dance. Yeah.

[A]

Not so fucking easy now, is it?

[B]

Dude, stop the same. Can you. Are you tracking the fact that I can say your lyrics in order? Almost in.

[A]

That is pretty good.

[B]

I'm like, almost got the melody.

[A]

That's pretty good Off, Dom. Lie. Not going to lie.

[B]

And you don't with me like that the way I with you.

[A]

Yes, I do. I can name five of your jokes right now, but let's. Let's move on.

[B]

This is another idea of example of kind of how I like to write. But don't read this one. I think this one's impaired.

[A]

It's nice.

[B]

It is nice.

[A]

I like that. There's drawings I was doing. I was. I was drawing pictures in mine.

[B]

I'm scared to show you this.

[A]

I kind of want to take the next step in my journal and have, like. I want to, like, print out things that inspire me.

[B]

Sorry, what were you saying? I just want something hilarious.

[A]

Let's see it.

[B]

So this was not. This was not. This. This was an exercise in character.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was working from a character place, but I have a page in here that's. It's headlined Everybody who's ever wronged me list where I was going to. I was going to write this very vengeful, like, the manifesto comedy piece. And it's like. Yeah, it's. There's like real names in here and then there's ideas. Okay, I'll read you. I'll read you first and last names. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll read you three in a row that are not people specific. Okay. But these are, like, deep in the list. Guys who don't like me back. Guys who like me, but I don't like them. And then my dad. Lol. Now the fact that those ended up. That's interesting, isn't it?

[A]

Yes, that is interesting.

[B]

The fact that they ended up together.

[A]

What's it say? The beginning of journal. Like, if. If you read this, you. You will die.

[B]

No, it says, in case of loss, please return to Caleb Heron. My address. At the time, I was living in Los Angeles and. Oh, this is actually kind of funny. It's. There's a. It's. There's an as a reward and you can list an amount of money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I just wrote, ultimately, it's up to you, I guess.

[A]

That's really funny.

[B]

That's kind of funny.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

What is that for?

[A]

That is funny. I thought I lost a journal recently that was a pretty personal journal with a lot of, like, ideas that I would like to keep. Secret, like my, like, upcoming album title, stuff like that. And I thought it was lost, but I found it recently and I was very, very excited. You're just reading your journal now in front of me. You're, like, not listening what I'm saying.

[B]

You found your journal recently and you were excited. Did you get into it?

[A]

I got super into. Well, I. It's been My bad.

[B]

Accusing me of not listening when I repeated back to you exactly what you said. Be honest. Does that make you feel bad? You accused me of not listening and then I totally nailed it.

[A]

It'd be hard for me to sleep tonight. How bad I feel about that. Hard for me to go fucking sleep.

[B]

Anyway, you were saying?

[A]

I was so happy to find this journal because there's a. It's a special little journal for me.

[B]

What's in it?

[A]

A lot of ideas and lyrics and like. Like ideas for like, the title, my next record, stuff like that. Personal stuff, some personal diary entries.

[B]

Nice. Anything about me?

[A]

A lot about you.

[B]

Would you ever write a song about me?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Absolutely. How do you know I already haven't got a lot of new songs?

[B]

Dude, that's what it's called. Dude, that'd be sick. Dude. Dude, that'd be sick.

[A]

It would be sick.

[B]

Hey, guys, Just wanted to briefly mention before we do the ad reads, that I will be donating my portion of these ad sales to relief efforts for the LA wildfires. Mostly where I've been donating is K Town for all, if you want to hop in on that as well. They're doing a lot of work for unhoused folks in la. Obviously living outside is really hard anytime, but especially when encampments have burned down and the air quality is so bad and resources are being focused on elsewhere. I'm really, really excited about the work that K Town for all is doing. They're great. And there's also a big master grid of displaced black families, mostly in historically black Altadena that I. You guys have pitched in on and we did some donations together. And I would love to. I'm going to keep donating there and hope that you guys can join me if you can. But yeah, thank you so much for listening to the episode. Hopefully if your mind is heavy with the LA fires and all the other shit that's going on constantly, all the time, seemingly more and more. Yeah, hopefully we make you laugh a little bit or at least distract you for an hour and some change. But yeah, here's some ads. The start of a new year is the perfect time to get organized, set goals and prioritize what matters most. For me, the top priority is my financial wellness, which feels more important than ever. Thanks to Rocket Money, my goals feel achievable. They show me all my subscriptions right in one place and help me easily cancel ones that I forgot I've been paying for. Rocket Money also pulls together all of my spending across all of my different accounts so I can clearly track my spending habits and see where I can cut back. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. 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That's folx.com promo code SoTrue for 25% off your first three months. With a new year comes a chance to reimagine ourselves for the better and importantly our closets. This year one of my resolutions is to refresh my look with quality pieces and stay on budget. And I can thanks to Quince. However you choose to refresh yourself this year, all Quince pieces are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They're able to do that by partnering directly with top factories, cutting out the cost of the middleman and passing the savings on to. You guessed it, you. Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices. And of course they use premium fabrics and finishes for that luxury feel in every piece. I myself have had my eye on a new Mongolian cashmere scarf from Quince for a while now. But no one bought it for me for Christmas. So I might have to practice a little self care and snatch one up as an early birthday gift from me to me. Sorry. So upgrade your closet this year without the upgraded price tag. Go to quince.com so true. For 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's quite income. So true. To get free shipping and 365 day returns. And if someone in your life feels like they are looking for a Mongolian cashmere scarf, just get it for them for Christmas. Just grab it just in case. You never know what it might mean to them. That's quince.com so true. Let's cut. I saw you do a concert in Paris.

[A]

You did?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Paris. Paris, France.

[B]

Paris, France.

[A]

Paris, France.

[B]

And it was so fucking great.

[A]

It made me so happy to look into the crowd and see you. You were. You were like. Because it's funny, they told us there was like boxes cuz like a theater.

[B]

Yeah, I know there were.

[A]

And they told us.

[B]

Guess where I wasn't. I wasn't.

[A]

Well they told. They were like oh we're going to give you a friends like the gold. The gold seats or something. And I just figured that was a box. And then I saw you and your friends sit like direct front center. It was great. But it was because like literally I could like take in the whole place. And then you were just like right in the middle and it made me so happy. And you were singing my lyrics. I saw it.

[B]

I'm singing every word.

[A]

Yeah, that's like me at your stand up. I'm like. I'm like saying the words.

[B]

Yeah. What? What words?

[A]

Actually one of my favorite. One of my favorite bits of yours. Do you remember you're doing something in the ship. And then you were like, you were like, something about, like, who was here last week in my show or something. And then this woman said that she wasn't. And you're like, why weren't you? And she's like, I got mugged. And you were like, oh, no. You were like, what? With what? Yeah, she's like, a knife. And then you're like, you know what I'd do if I saw someone getting mugged with a knife? And she's like, what? And you started to walk towards it and then you see them and then you just walk away.

[B]

Well. Well, I wouldn't intervene. I'm not an intervener.

[A]

I feel like you would fight. I feel like I could see you. I could see you fighting. I think that you would fight. One of your friends is getting with.

[B]

Sometimes I try things on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On the podcast. Like, I'll say something I don't even really believe just to see.

[A]

I was. Yeah.

[B]

Bites me in the ass sometimes.

[A]

What?

[B]

We don't always have this moment. You know what I mean? Like just now I said, I'm not an intervener. I'm totally an intervener.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was that on for like a perspective, like a kind of. That could be funny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But sometimes we don't have the moment where I acknowledge it and then it just seems like I think that.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You ever do that?

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

You ever just throw something out and see how it feels?

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

I do that.

[A]

Casting a line.

[B]

Yeah. Be like, oh, I don't believe in healthcare.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. See, just see what someone says.

[B]

Yeah. And see if you believe it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Does it raise your body?

[A]

See if you believe it. Yeah. See if it brings your body joy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's why I can't run.

[A]

How to say how to feel about the healthcare thing, the health care.

[B]

Just now, there's a part of it that felt deeply profound.

[A]

Notice how I coughed when we're talking about healthcare.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Interesting. Okay, Interesting.

[B]

You didn't come in my potluck last night.

[A]

You had a potluck?

[B]

Yeah. You were invited to it and you didn't come?

[A]

I guess I didn't. How was it? What was the best dish?

[B]

To be honest with you, and this is gonna sound so fucking sick and stuck up and conceited of me. It was my dish. I made meatballs. Everyone else did good.

[A]

They bring like. Like. Well, it's sometimes hard because you'll. You'll just be like, oh, I brought Crackers.

[B]

Some people brought, like, store. Store made brownies, which is like. I told everyone to phone it in.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And they did. Some people brought, like, you know, cut up vegetables.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Which is like, you know, fine. Like.

[A]

Like a veggie tray.

[B]

Not even.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Not even.

[A]

They made a writer food. Like, what's on? Like a writer in the green, basically.

[B]

It was beautiful. But I told everyone to phone it in. I told everyone to wear pajamas. I said, don't. This is easy going.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I put it together the night. The day before.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Remember? Because you got the text before. You didn't come. And then I made. I made barbecue and grape jelly meatballs.

[A]

That sounds great.

[B]

Killer.

[A]

That sounds really.

[B]

I ate a lot of them myself.

[A]

That sounds really good.

[B]

Yeah. Frank Norton. You know Frank?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

He's a designer.

[A]

Frank.

[B]

Frank. He's a brilliant designer. He designed this shirt.

[A]

I love that shirt.

[B]

And he is designing my tour merch for this year.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Tour tours getting announced by the time. This comes out super soon. Tours getting announced next week super soon. And I'm going to a lot of places.

[A]

You're playing some great venues.

[B]

I'm playing some theaters.

[A]

Playing some great theaters.

[B]

It's really crazy.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

I'm excited.

[A]

I believe it, brother. I believe it.

[B]

My merch for my poster and stuff for it.

[A]

That's me. Am I on the merch?

[B]

Frank came. You're not.

[A]

You should do, like, a collage of, like, your friends for the merch.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You think?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Huh? You can't name one of my jokes.

[A]

I've named, like, four, but Frank came.

[B]

Last night and he made two kinds of cookies, Handmade cookies.

[A]

I know your jokes.

[B]

That's pretty good.

[A]

That's great. Shout out to Frank.

[B]

Shout out.

[A]

He's an artist.

[B]

Shout out, Frank. And shout out, ultimately, me for the meatballs.

[A]

What were we talking about before you.

[B]

Were going to compliment me? You said. You kept saying, I want to compliment you. I want to compliment you.

[A]

What's up, handsome?

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

That's beautiful of you.

[A]

Say, I noticed you've been getting.

[B]

What do you think I am on a scale one to ten, but looks wise.

[A]

Yeah, fucking ten, dude.

[B]

Everything encompassed, like, my personality.

[A]

Ten, Howard. Ten.

[B]

Okay. What were you gonna say?

[A]

Well, same thing to me. Same question.

[B]

Well, you are really handsome.

[A]

Thank you very much.

[B]

I told you that. And you have great style.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

And you're very talented. And you know something I love about you? You have a quality that I love, which is A duality between. You're very earnest and poetic and deeply serious about things when you need to be. But you're also very silly and goofy. I like that.

[A]

I think I'm sillier and goofier than people think.

[B]

Nobody would expect. How goofy?

[A]

Because I think people think my Persona, my songwriting Persona, which is a big part of me. But he's like this mysterious troubadour guy.

[B]

Yeah. Your stage presence is wonderful and I love it, but you're so much sillier.

[A]

Very silly in real life than that. Katie always says before. Before we did this tour together that we met on and then became, you know, boyfriend, girlfriend for now, like, almost eight years. She. Boyfriend, girlfriend. She. She said, like, I always thought you're like this cool, mysterious guy. And then I met you, and you're just kind of like Jonah Hill. But she told me, like, Jonah Hill.

[B]

Love Jonah. But that's a little.

[A]

He's great. I've never met the guy. I love his work.

[B]

Too silly for that to be the comp, I think.

[A]

I don't know. I'm pretty silly.

[B]

Yeah, you are pretty silly. He actually might be more serious than you. Isn't that funny?

[A]

I think at this point. Exactly.

[B]

Comedians are silly on stage, serious in.

[A]

Real life, sad people off stage. Well, you're sad people.

[B]

You're such a bummer on stage. But in real life, you're exactly.

[A]

It's. We switch. We switch. Exactly.

[B]

You're low key, fun. Time to time. I think you're an.

[A]

Oh, yeah, we're back. Yeah. What do you think I am? Do you think of a 10? A 9? Hold on, let me just see.

[B]

I love you so much that it's hard to say anything less than 10.

[A]

1, 2, 3.

[B]

What are we doing?

[A]

I'm just counting the numbers on the scale to see onto.

[B]

No, I. It's hard. I love you so much that I think I can only see you as a 10, which is. But that doesn't feel fair.

[A]

Well, there we go.

[B]

I want to be objective.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

What do you guys think Kevin is?

[A]

Get a good look.

[B]

Under the lights. No one wants to play if you.

[A]

Do a five and you do a five. Hey, that. Not ten.

[B]

Lexi and Danny don't want to play.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

11 you8 screaming.

[A]

I'll take an eight.

[B]

Really good.

[A]

I'll take an eight.

[B]

Somebody messaged me.

[A]

What's Caleb.

[B]

Well, we don't have to. Somebody messaged me on a dating app once and said they unprompted Kevin. I did not message them. I did not like Them. They messaged me. It's one where you don't have to match. I don't remember if it was like Grindr or what, but they messaged me and they said, you're probably a 6 of personality counts. And that haunts me to this day because I want to know, what's her name. Do they. You love that joke.

[A]

What was her name?

[B]

You love what's her name? It was Boy Kevin. But it haunts me this day because I want to know, do they know who I am? And they think my personality deducted points. Like maybe they're into my physical appearance.

[A]

And ask them.

[B]

No, I had to block them because I wanted to kill them.

[A]

Where? Where don't. You're in that little list of yours of people you're going to. Yeah.

[B]

I have to be so clear that everyone who's ever wronged me list. I'm really not a vengeful person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was writing from a place of trying to imagine someone who thinks like that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's. Yeah. That's like what you tell like when you're in the handcuffs being led to the car. No, no, it was. It was a bit.

[B]

No, I was imagining a guy who would do that.

[A]

Imagining a serial killer.

[B]

What it was was I actually remember exactly what spurred that thought process, which was people were. Maybe I've talked about this on the show before. I'll be interested to see what you think of this. Actually. Phoebe Waller Bridge had won a bunch of Emmys for her show.

[A]

What's it called again? Fleabag. Great show.

[B]

Had won a bunch of it. Me, for her show. And she was. There's a picture of her holding all of them. Right. And someone posted that picture on social media. It was going viral. Posted that picture next to a three star review that she got when she did the Fringe. When she did Edinburgh Fringe with. With Fleabag originally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they were like, just proof that the haters are always fucking wrong and do your thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, so angered by that going viral because it's such a weak loser mindset to be like anyone who's ever criticized you as wrong. Is it possible? I don't know, Phoebe. I haven't seen the show. I haven't seen the stage show or the live show, frankly. But is it possible that the stage show was three stars and she received criticism and feedback and improved it and now it also deserves a bunch of Emmys?

[A]

Of course. I mean, why does everything have to.

[B]

Be that your haters are Wrong. Maybe. That was a good review.

[A]

It's a funny thing.

[B]

Do you.

[A]

Do you watch the NBA?

[B]

No.

[A]

You know, the. Do you know what. What it is? It's a basketball.

[B]

They put a ball in the hoop. Yeah, yeah, I get the idea of it.

[A]

Well, there's this guy, Giannis, who plays for the Bucks.

[B]

Giannis.

[A]

Amazing. Neither Dan and Popo. It's like, it's.

[B]

Pronounce his last name, but he's. He's. What is he, Greek?

[A]

He's Greek.

[B]

He's Greek.

[A]

He's Greek and he's. What do they call him? The Greek freak, I think. But he's amazing. But he's. There's this really funny thing because, you know, there's this whole show where, like, the announcers are Shaq and Charles Barkley.

[B]

And I'm sorry, I'm adjusting, and I keep looking at the camera when I do it because Lexi has to change when I do it.

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

I love Shaq and Charles Barkley.

[A]

Well, so there's this thing where Giannis, they get knocked out of the playoffs, and he gets asked this thing in the post game, and the guy is like, do you consider your season a failure? And he goes on this, like, really impassioned, really beautiful speech where he's like, it's not a failure. You know, you work for a magazine or whatever. Like, do you consider. If you don't get promoted every year, do you consider that year to be a failure? Michael Jordan played for 15 seasons. He only won six rings. Do you think every other season was a failure? No. You learn, you know, through every season and through every hardship, you learn, and that's how you. You build upon year after year. And then it cuts to Shaq, and he's like, I come from a military family, and if you didn't win the ring, you're a failure. It was the most, like, crazy thing. And then. And then. And then Charles Barkley, who never famously never won a ring, but Shaq won a couple. Charles Barkley's like, I totally disagree. I think what Giannis is saying is totally valid. And I think that, like, yeah, your season's not a failure. And he's like, well, you never won a ring, Charles. Like, it was so savage.

[B]

But I love those two together.

[A]

It comes to critics. I've been all over the map with the critics, Caleb. You know, sometimes they love you, sometimes they hate you. Sometimes the worst, when they just think you're okay, and you're like, oh, love or hate me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Strong to deal with. I'm not saying that we should all embrace every criticism we get. I'm very pro ignoring some criticism. I'm just saying the. The I think particularly of the moment idea that all criticism is invalid is counterproductive to making good work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And is silly. I think it's silly.

[A]

Do you? Well, it's. It's interesting because, you know, there are certain critics. I won't name names or certain publications that sometimes I found myself being like, I wish you just fucking go away or something. But now it's like journalism, especially music journalism, is dying, and I see them start to go away. I'm like, well, no, don't actually go away. It's like it's in the game. You know what I mean? Like, you got to have some enemies. You got to have some frenemies. You got to have, like, it's an ecosystem. And now that some of these, you know, like, critics are dying, you're like, well, no, that's terrible, because ultimately, you know, that's bad for everyone.

[B]

Yeah, I do. I regret and I want to apologize to you now. On the pod, I wrote a very popular review of oh, my God. That said you used oh, my God too much.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Well, I apologize for that.

[A]

What'd you write it for?

[B]

I wrote it for the Wall Street Journal.

[A]

No, the Wall Street Journal did not say that. They gave me a good review. Pitchfork gave me a bad review.

[B]

Did they?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just remember you. I remember you saying once that someone said you used oh, my God too much, and. Oh, my God.

[A]

And it really was the guy. It was. It was. It was this guy. It was Pitchfork, and they wrote this. This guy wrote this article. I don't even remember his name. But then, like two years later, he got fired by Pitchfork and was like, I hate Pitchfork. And that was funny.

[B]

It's funny. It's really funny.

[A]

I was like, he. You. You hate it probably more than I do. They fucking fired your ass. You suck at writing.

[B]

Damn. So you got real beef with that guy, huh?

[A]

I don't even remember his name.

[B]

Yeah, whoever you are, think of you.

[A]

Whoever you are. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[B]

Wait, what was I gonna ask you?

[A]

I was gonna ask you about getting rockinized because I feel like your rock ignition has been ramped up because of this fucking podcast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what? The viewers out there, if you see Caleb with me one at a time, that's all I gotta say. One At a time. No, it's really ramped up, Caleb. And as someone who gets rocketized every.

[B]

Once in a while, you're quite famous. Kevin.

[A]

I'm so. I can't even walk famous door.

[B]

Your music people love, but, you know.

[A]

When you're an indie rocker and you get rockognized, the people usually have, like, a good decorum. And it's. It's usually it's. Every once in a while, I would say the most. The max that'll ever get rocketized in, like, a day would be like a. Like at south by Southwest or something. Obviously, it's a bunch of, you know, fans from all over the world, and it'd be like six times. That would be like a really. That'd be a really good day for me. But you, man, sometimes we go out and people are just. It's like Beetle Mania out there.

[B]

Do you enjoy it?

[A]

Your recognition, your rock?

[B]

I.

[A]

Yes. It always depends. I've had some, like, somewhat scary ones, and I've had some, like, somewhat annoying ones, but for the most part, I feel like everyone does a good job of just like. I love your work. Thank you so much.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have a good day, you know.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

Do you enjoy yours?

[B]

I Never mind it. I'm not mad at anyone for doing it. I. Sometimes it reminds me that I am not anonymous.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And I quite like anonymity. I think being a stranger is really, well, beautiful. I think. I think it's fun to be a stranger. I think it's fun to be anonymous. I think it's fun. I don't like imagining that I'm being perceived all the time, which is funny because I do this. I mean, we actively set up, like, a lot of lights and cameras in here today.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I don't. Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes it takes me out of. Sometimes it puts me in my body almost.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It makes me remember that I'm a person who people know. And that's weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'm never mad at it. I think it's very sweet. Yeah, I think it's very sweet.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, you know, one at a time.

[B]

Love you guys.

[A]

One at a time.

[B]

And also maybe just say. Maybe they'll say hi to you from now on, too.

[A]

There was something recently. Yeah, maybe. Yeah.

[B]

I love the song.

[A]

Yeah. Well, there. There was a thing recently when that guy came up and it was like we had, like, walked into a restaurant, me and Tara, and it was like we sat down at a table kind of out of view but this table had seen us walk in, and this woman had said, I love this guy Caleb Heron over there. And she sent her friend, but he didn't know who you were, so he thought I was you. And he was like, hey, I know you from somewhere. And I remember that guy.

[B]

I do. He did.

[A]

Awkward.

[B]

He did too much.

[A]

He did too much. He was drunk.

[B]

I think he did way too much.

[A]

Yeah, he. He went about it wrong, I feel. Okay, well, how. Here's a question. Who have you recognized and said hello.

[B]

To one person ever?

[A]

Really? Who?

[B]

Melissa Etheridge.

[A]

That recently.

[B]

Yeah, that's it.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

I've never done it before. And I only did it because the perfect opportunity presented itself. We were on a plane. She was sitting right behind me.

[A]

Was she cool?

[B]

She was awesome.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

We were sitting on a plane. I didn't say anything when I got on. I don't say. I don't. I do not do it.

[A]

As a Kansan baby.

[B]

I love her. And she. I'm just such a huge fan. And we got off the fight, and I was like, I'm not gonna say anything. And then we were stopped standing right next to each other because people were passing fate. And I was like, you can't now. It would just be, like, honestly rude not to. So I turned to her, and I was, like, trying not to cause a scene in case anyone else was a fan. I was like, hey, I'm a huge fan. Don't want to bother you. And then I turned away.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

She hit me on the shoulder, and she goes, not a bother at all. I love your hat.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

And then we start talking about my hat. And then was the hat that I have. That hat that I have that says that's why it's called fishing. Not catching with a fishing thing. But then I posted that I met her, and, like, maybe her daughter's friend or her daughter DM'd me.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

Was like, we're all freaking out. Oh, my God. Can't believe you met her. And we're. Now we're texting her that she met you. I didn't tell her who I was or I wasn't like, I'm a comedian. Sure. I was just like, I'm a huge.

[A]

Sometimes you want to say, like, people know who I am, too.

[B]

There's an impulse.

[A]

So I should. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's great. That's a good one.

[B]

I should have.

[A]

No. It would be absolutely insane to do that. But there have just been times When I'm going to bother someone where I want to, like, preface it with, like, sometimes people ask me too. So therefore you should be.

[B]

So just know. I know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wink, wink. Yeah, but I have a real, like, meet your heroes syndrome. I don't. I get really freaked out about going up and saying hi to somebody, but I've done it a few times.

[B]

Who was the most memorable?

[A]

Michael K. Williams RIP From. You know, famously, he was amazing. He's one of the greats. And he came in, he loved. I worked at this. My last job that I had before music was, was at this cafe in midtown Manhattan called Culture. I don't know why. This, my friend, one of my, like, best oldest friends, runs this. Sorry, Johnny, but it's called Culture Cafe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just worked the register there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As you know, I don't drink coffee and I didn't know how to make coffee.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But he would come in, we had these, like, famous chocolate chip cookies and he would come in and get those cookies. And he had, like a manager or agent with him at all times. And so, like, I would never talk to him. I'm just, like, talking to this guy. And it was my last day working there and I thought to myself, you know what? I'll never be in another situation where I can say hi to this guy.

[B]

I know this story and I want to ask you to remind me and also tell the listeners. Was it your last day working there because you were going on tour or moving to la? I forget.

[A]

I was both, actually, because I went on a tour that they like. At the end of that tour, I flew to LA and moved there. But I had made the decision, like, because I live in New York at the time. I was maybe like 24 at the time. And I, like, moved there when I was 18. And I was like, I'm going to do whatever it takes to just survive off of music and not have a job anymore. And la, believe it or not, at the time was like the cheap country, like, going from New York. It was like this very cheap place, 2013. And it was just like no one had really moved there yet, like in, you know, my whole scene. And it was super affordable. So I was going out there to do that. It says my last day. And then Michael K. Williams. I took it as a good omen that he. That he was in there and that I said hello to him and he was standing there, had all these, like, shopping bags. His, like, hat was really low, like this New York Yankees hat. And like, you know, Kind of like trying to remain anonymous. And then I was like, fuck it. I'm gonna do it. And over the. Over the pastry counter, I said, excuse me, sir, I'm a huge fan of all your work. And then he, like, looked up at me and he was like, yeah. And I was like, yeah. And he put his shopping bags down and he shook my hand over the counter. It's very cool.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

And then when he died, the night before he died, I had a dream that I was on an airplane with him in a shell from Japanese Breakfast, and the three of us were sitting in Nile and hanging out. And then I woke up, I was like, oh, that's a cool dream. And then I read that he had died.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How weird.

[A]

I told Michelle right away.

[B]

Yeah? What'd she say? Whoa.

[A]

How crazy.

[B]

How weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The only thing you can say.

[A]

Yes. The only thing you can't say. Yeah.

[B]

I'm so sorry. I'm moving so much. Are you mad at me? No. Okay. I'm really moving a lot. The couch is deep, so it's, like, weird to sit on sometimes. Don't you feel?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You like the couch, though?

[A]

I love the couch. This is where we sit and play Madden.

[B]

You've only done that with me twice.

[A]

I've done it twice, and I've got a confession to make.

[B]

What?

[A]

Did you pick up on this? The second time we were doing it, me, you, and Chance, we were playing and music was playing, and I thought it was music on the video game, and I was making fun of a lot of the music. And then at some point you switched the music, and I was like, oh, this is your music.

[B]

It was.

[A]

I felt so bad.

[B]

It wasn't my music.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, a playlist that I had just clicked on to when I was, like, cleaning.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then it left on while we were playing.

[A]

There's like, Blink 182 and stuff.

[B]

Who?

[A]

I love.

[B]

It did not. It was not an insult to me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I did clock you, dude.

[A]

I was just, you know, I wasn't making fun of blinking too. I was just like, this isn't my favorite Blink 182 song.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're a big Blink 182 fan.

[A]

I. They were one of my favorite bands growing up.

[B]

You love them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what was. What's that album that you love? That was from that era. It was, like, very seminal to you.

[A]

Like a very Enema of the State.

[B]

No. Food Ranch?

[A]

No, it was your pants and jacket.

[B]

No, it was. What's the song I'm trying to think of that was like, there's a song that we listened to. Was it Third Eye Blind?

[A]

It was Third Eye Blind. That was the band.

[B]

Love that record.

[A]

I love that. The self titled.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Self titled album.

[B]

Oh, was it that one?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

First record that's like very influential to you, right?

[A]

That was the first time like that. When I heard the Third Eye Blind record for the first time, I was like 8 years old and I was like, I want to do whatever this is. I want to play music.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

These songs are making me feel a certain way.

[B]

You should start.

[A]

Yeah, I should start. Tech9 said that to me recently when we did the Big Slick. This is a great example of going.

[B]

Tech9 said this to you?

[A]

Yeah, I went up to Tech9 and I was like, hey man, I just want to say it's an honor to meet you. I'm from Kansas City and you know, I'm a musician. And watching your story as I was growing up always gave me like faith that I could someday do it. And he goes, someday you will. Shout out. Tech9.

[B]

Love that.

[A]

Yeah, it was sick.

[B]

I. I also at Big Slick, went up to him. Cuz he sits next to me at a diner that we both go to a lot in Kansas City.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

He like sits at a table near where I usually sit. And I walked up to him at Big Slick at the like dugout, like meal thing. And I was like, I was like, I was like, Mr. Nine. Mr. Tech. What? I'm sorry, what should I call you? And he was like, tech, that's great. And I was like, I was like, tech, I'm a huge fan. I just love your music so much. And I'm from Kansas City. And he was like, he was like, that's cool. And then he fist bumped me and walked away.

[A]

He was, he's cool.

[B]

I was like, nine.

[A]

Yeah, Fudgeing.

[B]

Love him.

[A]

Casey Legend.

[B]

Somebody tweeted once that nobody fucks with any musician in the world. The way that white boys from the suburbs fuck with tech9. The suburbs of Kansas City. And I think that is so true.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

Like white guys from the suburbs of Kansas city fuck with Tech9 in a way that's like, it's almost. It's almost like. It's. It's insane. Growing up in Chill Coffee, the only rap that I think a lot of the guys I went to school with listened to. What's Tech?

[A]

Really?

[B]

That was it.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not Eminem. Love Eminem.

[B]

Eminem was there, but it was Eminem had, like, by this point, Eminem had already kind of had his rise and he was a little bit.

[A]

That is like another thing where our half. Our half, the half generation between us. Yeah, it's significant.

[B]

It's pretty much a generation.

[A]

Yeah, it's pretty much a generation. It's pretty much a generation. You say to me, before this podcast started, I was like, I told you that my first bank account was when I was 21. And I was like, because I lived in Brooklyn and I worked at bike delivery and everything was in cash. And you're like, it wasn't just. It wasn't just Brooklyn.

[B]

You're like, you're like, I only use cash until my early 20s because I lived in Brooklyn. I was like, that's not all that was going on. It was like a different economy. People were pretty much using cash. It was the dust bowl.

[A]

The dust bowl. When you were doing that. You know, sometimes when I meet someone your age or even younger, I'm telling a story and I actually feel like a grandpa. Like, shout out Lindsay Jordan from Snail Mail.

[B]

Shout out Lindsey.

[A]

We were walking around Brooklyn a couple years ago. I guess at this point we're walking around Brooklyn and I start telling her this story. And as I'm telling this story, I'm like, God, I sound. This sounds ancient. And I tell her this whole story. What the story was, was, oh, I used to live up in that building right there. One summer it was so hot that I went to buy an air conditioning. But when I got there, I was sweating so much I couldn't carry it back. That was the story and I told it. And Lindsey just goes, yo, that story.

[B]

Like, that's fucking crazy.

[A]

And I was, I think, you know, there's a clean decade between us. But as I was telling, I was like, man, I sound like an old man right now.

[B]

I've got those now. Yeah, those now.

[A]

I'm sure you do.

[B]

I talk to like a 22 year old comedian, which is a little bit bigger of a gap than you and I. Yeah. And I'll talk to like a 22 year old stand up, and they'll be telling me something and I'll be like, not only do you sound stupid and insane to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel in a different way. Stupid and insane.

[A]

Yes, that's exactly what it is. Yeah, that's exactly what it is.

[B]

I don't want to be you. Yeah, I don't want to know what you're talking about, you bore. You're kind of boring me, but I think you're Cool. And I recognize that I acted the way that you're acting when I was your age.

[A]

That's the thing.

[B]

But it's. I feel now. Old.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the bell tolls for us all.

[B]

The bell tolls for most of us.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Most. Not. Not all.

[B]

I don't know that the bell will toll for me.

[A]

You might be the one exception.

[B]

I don't feel that the bell will toll for me. I feel ageless.

[A]

You are.

[B]

I just feel. I feel. I feel.

[A]

So let me ask you, what's your five year plan? You're 30. So between now and 35, what's. What's the plan?

[B]

Well, God, I mean, you're gonna get a job. God willing. I don't ever want to have a job again.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I want to keep doing this. Yeah, Guys, please keep listening. I don't want to ever have a job again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I hated it.

[A]

What was your last job?

[B]

My last job? Well, I had jobs in entertainment that were kind of joby for a couple years there. They were great.

[A]

You worked at Applebee's?

[B]

I worked at Applebee's. I've worked many places. But my last job, I actually remember. So November of 2019 is when I, like, really blew up on the Internet, which I don't say that with, like. It's not braggadocious. It's just what happened.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But that is what happened in 2019. And then I was like, dude, I'm about to be rich. As. I don't know how I thought that was gonna happen. I just thought my career was gonna, like. Like, I remember had a general meeting with Comedy Central and I was like, they're gonna offer me a show. Bank accounts on the way up. That's not what general meetings are. That's not what happened.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

But in January of 2020. In January of 2020, I went back to Chicago, where I was living at the time. I was working as an admin assistant at an ad agency, and I quit my job to do comedy full time in January of 2020.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And then covet happened, and I drove for UberEats for months. I had no job, no health insurance. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it worked out, but. Yeah.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah. That was my last job. Admin assistant. I don't ever want to have a job again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I hate working.

[A]

I could see you being a great employee, though.

[B]

Oh, no. Really, Kevin.

[A]

You're smart, Kevin.

[B]

Oh, but I wasn't. I. I didn't want to do it.

[A]

I feel like you Were a good student.

[B]

Yes. So that was for me.

[A]

That was for you.

[B]

When I was such a bad employee. I just want to say to all my greater.

[A]

What you do.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you. I was a bad employee.

[A]

Great. Thanks, everyone, for tuning in.

[B]

Yeah, you're calling it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You getting out of here, dude, I was a really bad employee.

[A]

Really?

[B]

It was like, actually. It was actually, like, epidemic.

[A]

Were you like. Because, you know, sometimes, like, I've heard people talk about this before. Like, when you're a creative person and you work at a. What?

[B]

I'm just thinking about, dude. I was like a disease on a company. I. Not only would I not do my job that I was supposed to do, I would ask for more money, and I would convince other people not to do their jobs. Like, I was literally like a cancer.

[A]

Leading the revolution on the business.

[B]

I would go to people's cubicles and be like, we should all stop working as hard and we should get more money and we should leave.

[A]

You know, I could really see you doing that.

[B]

I was cancer.

[A]

I feel like sometimes you come up with a big idea for the group and get the whole group on board, I swear to God. And then we'll be like, cool. We're all down. You're like, I actually have a change of heart. I'm going to do this later, guys. I was all the time, dude.

[B]

I was a cancer. They would hire me. I think people hired me because I'm a lot of fun and I had a good resume. I did, like, a ton of internships, and they were. I know for a fact. Yeah, people didn't fire me from jobs that I should have been fired from because they liked my vibe.

[A]

One time, a guy came up to me and he said, hey, Kevin, I'm a fan of yours. Also, I took a class with Caleb Heron, and one time I watched him for 45 minutes in class craft a tweet.

[B]

No.

[A]

That's what he said. No, but I actually. I took from that. So that's, like, kind of what you're talking about. Like, I feel like you're probably in this class not paying attention, but working on your craft, which is now, you know, you make a living off of and you're so great at. But I took that. I was like, yeah, you're devoted to comedy. You wanted to make sure that tweet was perfect. Not all great tweets are just sent off the dome.

[B]

Here's what I will say, and this is one of those things that makes me feel old. Twitter used to be an art.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Twitter jig.

[A]

140 characters.

[B]

140 characters. And writing a joke on Twitter was really hard because you just like writing any joke, you have to backload it. You want certain things. Things to fall in certain places.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

There's a real specific way to write any joke. But writing a joke on Twitter was also very specific.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I did. When I was in college. I was working very hard at Twitter because it mattered back then. Well, I think, you know, now it's a Nazi cesspool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But back then, it was like, that's how everybody shows.

[A]

Oh, it's bad when I log in. Yes. Sorry I cut you off.

[B]

That's how people used to be a pipeline.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A real career.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Now it's nothing.

[A]

So this person watch you craft a tweet for 45 minutes, and then I wonder what class.

[B]

And I wonder why he would tell you that.

[A]

I don't know. I liked it, though. That would be like. If someone was like, oh, I know, I know. Kevin Morty. I once watched him write a song.

[B]

Oh, that'd be beautiful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Music is so much more beautiful than comedy, though. You know, I feel this way. It's so humiliating. What I do. What you do is beautiful.

[A]

What I like about comedy, though, is it's. People need to laugh. People like myself. You gotta laugh.

[B]

Yeah, you gotta laugh.

[A]

It's so great. It's like, you need. And I think that, like, a lot of my favorite lyricists are really funny. Like David Berman from the Silver Jews. Very funny lyrics.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they become so relatable, and they feel almost like they're surface level or something. But then when you try to write something like that, you're like, oh, it's a real art to do that. And that's what comedians are doing. And it's so hard. But the thing that blows me away about comedians, and specifically standup, is to be able to conjure, because for me, it's easy to just be like, okay, I gotta go out there and, like, be like a rock and roller now. But I've got this whole band behind me, and, like, we just got to play the songs at the end of the day. But you go up there alone, completely alone, and then you gotta, like, you gotta. It's like, I know what it feels like to, like, tell a good joke at the dinner table or something. When the vibe's right and the energy's.

[B]

Up, you kill it. Everyone laughs.

[A]

But you have to. You have to, like, get. I don't know, you have to conjure that, and that Seems very hard to me. Like, what if you're not feeling it? If you're having a bad night and you're sad or something, you gotta go out and do that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And how do you do it?

[B]

To me it's like, too bad. You gotta suck it up. Like, to me, the audience is so. I. I've talked about this on the show before, but I value the audience in such a, like almost spiritual way. Like it is so cool and sick that people will choose. We get very small time on earth. Of course you feel this way about your fans.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

For someone to come out and buy a ticket and get a babysitter. Hard earned money. The tickets. Tickets. Sometimes like 60 bucks. That might be like many hours of work for a person.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

That they're. And also they bust their ass. Yeah. To come to a show is such a big deal that even on my worst days. And I've done plenty of stand up shows where I felt horrible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sick, mad, depressed. Just got, you know, had a situationship broken off or some relative is something. Something. But every time it's easy to pull it together because it's a charmed life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's an incredible lucky job.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Making money off of this is psychotic. And I just. It's easy to pull it together because I'm like, this is the most charmed thing that's ever happened to somebody.

[A]

Well, I guess what I'm saying is I feel the exact same way. But I think it's. For me to conjure it, it's like I just. I'm going to this place of my songs, but it's just to tell a joke. I just feel like it requires this different thing. I don't know if I'm articulating exactly what I want to say perfectly.

[B]

I found it scary to be alone up there when I started.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now I prefer it. Like when I did Katie's birthday show and I had to perform with all those people that stressed me out, I felt so bad because I was like, I don't want to fuck this up because Spencer's a genius, you know?

[A]

Well, I'm having the same thing. Yeah, exactly. You know, I feel the same thing in that at Largo. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I feel because I'm like Jeff Tweed watching me side stage one of my.

[B]

Like, Jeff's watching.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, that's terrifying.

[B]

Cole's a genius at what he does. And I'm going to it up by not being on rhythm.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Well, it was good, but it was like. It was Very. I. I wasn't stage fright. Like, scared of what the audience would think.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I've. I haven't been so anxious on stage in many years. Only because I didn't want to disappoint Liam and Ellie and, like, you know, because they're so good at what they do.

[A]

Sure, sure, sure.

[B]

That's scary to me.

[A]

Well, they're probably thinking the same thing.

[B]

Not with me singing. If we were doing jokes, if they had to do an improv scene, I would hope.

[A]

You never know. I would hope, never know. People, like, people are always asking, they're like, how do you know Caleb? And I just say, caleb who?

[B]

I say, caleb. Who is this Caleb you speak of?

[A]

They say caleb here. And I say. I say, is that his last name?

[B]

Do you believe in God?

[A]

Do I believe in God?

[B]

Yeah. I've been meaning to ask you about this.

[A]

Why? Why do you ask? Because my. Because of. Oh, my God. My album.

[B]

No. I ask a lot of people on the show, what do you think? God? Yes or no? God.

[A]

Yes or no? I think God. I think yes.

[B]

You think so?

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

Oh, Kevin Moore being on God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Heaven.

[A]

Yeah. Come on, let's go. Let's have fun with it.

[B]

Heaven.

[A]

God. No, Hell. Hell.

[B]

There's no chance.

[A]

No hell.

[B]

Hell just seems a little too silly.

[A]

Hell's not fun. Everyone goes to heaven. But I think, yeah, everyone goes to heaven. Everyone goes to heaven. Everyone goes to the party.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Does everyone get to enjoy?

[A]

My friends?

[B]

What?

[A]

Enjoys it the same. Absolutely.

[B]

So you. That. Wow. You think, like, btk killer.

[A]

No. You know what? Yes.

[B]

Enjoying heaven alongside me. You and. Yes.

[A]

He's at the bar, baby. He's at the bar. He's buying everyone's shots.

[B]

Rather at the bar than in someone's house.

[A]

No, I don't know about heaven. I don't know about God. I know. Like, I. It's more like the big bang, you know, I'm like. I'm, like, born to the big bang.

[B]

What about it?

[A]

I'm more into the universe. I think when you get on to the other side of 35, what you'll experience in five years since you're almost 30. Like, the. I'm. I have a lot more appreciation for the earth, which is, like, rapidly. I don't want to say it's dying because I feel like it's us who are dying on earth. I don't think that the earth is dying.

[B]

Earth's gonna be fine.

[A]

The Earth. Earth's gonna be fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I Do I have, like, a lot more appreciation for the Earth as I get older in this way? Like, when you're, like, young, you just think, like, just everything is what it is. You're just born into it and you don't, like, question it or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But as I get older, I keep having these moments of, like, breathtaking beauty where I'm like, oh, my God. We're, like, living like an outer space is incredible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, you watch Star wars or something, or you watch Dune, and you're like, they're on these planets. These planets look amazing. But at a certain point, you're like. I'm like, red rocks.

[B]

We are on this planet.

[A]

We're on this planet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That planet's based off our planet. Yeah, Someone just wrote that based off of our planet. They're like, there's two moons on Tatooine, but that's just based off our one moon. It's insane. The moon looks amazing tonight. Do you see it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like a big full moon.

[B]

There's a really pretty sunset.

[A]

Is it really. It's beautiful. Like a beautiful winter moon. It's great.

[B]

They are.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

They really are.

[A]

I cried today. So that's good.

[B]

You did.

[A]

But. But God. Yeah. You know God's somewhere out there.

[B]

Yeah. The Earth is gonna be fine. The Earth is cleansing itself of us. We are an invasive species to the Earth.

[A]

I know.

[B]

We. Because we refuse to be in accordance with the Earth. And we're not do. We're. These corporations and politicians are fucking selling us out for profit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, getting rid of the EPA so that companies can operate more freely is like, what the fuck are we thinking? But that's what we're doing. And the Earth is gonna be fine. It'll be here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Until the sun envelops it.

[A]

Until the sun envelopes.

[B]

That will be for a very long time. That will be long gone, I think.

[A]

Will be longer. You know, my. My fear for the afterlife is that whatever dream you're having when you die, like, you know, like, if you're asleep or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That dream just keeps going on. What if it's a nightmare? Then it would be like, hell, yeah. I'm having a great dream.

[B]

You'll have a great dream.

[A]

The one. I had a dream the other night. I was good. The one. The. The one from the other night.

[B]

So you didn't really answer about God? Kind of yes. You're in on God?

[A]

Yeah. What about you? Do you believe in God?

[B]

Yeah. Well, yes.

[A]

I mean, so kind of, yes.

[B]

More words.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

I think I've. I've said this. It's, you know, Kevin's my show. People have heard what I think about.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But I'll tell you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think God. I think God is not a person who sits in the sky. I think God is, of course, energy that moves through the universe.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Generally moves us towards love and positivity and kindness and good.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

I think that's God. I think that you're God. Yeah, I think that I'm God. I think the idea that we're two separate beings sitting across from each other is an illusion.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're all the same.

[A]

It's all the same. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And that, to me, is God. We're all God because we're all the same.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

Hell, I'm certain of that.

[A]

No.

[B]

Hell, I am certain of only one thing in the entire universe, and it's that hell is made up to scare people.

[A]

I think that there'd be a hell on earth.

[B]

Yeah. You and my mom both. She says, that's true. I said. I asked her once, you believe in hell? And she goes, you know, some people think that life on earth is hell. I go, what? That was.

[A]

I think that's true.

[B]

And I go, do you think that? And she goes, sometimes.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Like, damn, girl.

[A]

Just telling the truth.

[B]

Going through it. Kelly.

[A]

Telling the truth. Kelly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love your mom.

[B]

She had a couple mirror bites.

[A]

Word. Hey, same here, Queen.

[B]

She probably brought those over here. So, God, for you. Kind of same thing as my thing.

[A]

Same exact thing. And it's like a question. When cornered with the question, as I am right now with these. These interrogation lights on me, it's. Yeah, of course, I don't think it's like some. Some. Some guy in the sky, but it's got to be something that I'm. I'm certain of that at this point, it's got to be nothing. Can't be nothing.

[B]

Couldn't be nothing.

[A]

Can't be random.

[B]

Could be nothing.

[A]

Could be.

[B]

Wouldn't it be beautiful if it was nothing?

[A]

I also think that if it was nothing, there's still God in that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Does that make sense?

[B]

Well, yeah, because if. If we're all God and then we turn out to be nothing, then God is nothing.

[A]

There's got to be something. It's pretty crazy we're here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pretty psycho.

[B]

Oh, it's nuts.

[A]

Absolutely insane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The more you learn about it's insane.

[B]

What do you think of me?

[A]

Of you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

10 out of 10.

[B]

Yeah. Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You think we'll be friends forever?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Hell yeah, dude. Hey, pleasure's all yours. Yes, pleasure's all yours is so. Oh, you know what I rewatched recently?

[A]

What?

[B]

Live action Three Musketeers from, like, the 90s. Disney, Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, randomly. Oliver Plath, and most importantly of all. Oh, why can't. Oh, villain. Villain. Cardinal played by Tim Curry. Beautiful.

[A]

Oh, Tim Curry. He's great.

[B]

Tim Curry as the still alive guys.

[A]

Yes, Tim Curry's great.

[B]

Yes, he is still alive. Tim Curry. Guys, go watch three Musketeers live action. Tim Curry is such a good villain in it. At one point. At one point, he's, like, battling someone. They're, like, getting ready to stab him with a sword or something. He's got these big cloaks on, and they say something to him to the effect of like, I'll see you in hell. And then he pulls out a little handgun from his cloak and shoots them dead. And he goes, you first. And then he, like, walks away.

[A]

Oh, Tim Curry.

[B]

Beautiful.

[A]

I just watched him, Curry, in one of my favorite movies of all time called Times Square. Have you seen it?

[B]

No.

[A]

It's incredible. And he plays this DJ that kind of narrates the whole thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's about these two young girls who are both committed to a mental hospital, and they break out and they start a punk band. And Tim Curry is this DJ and starts playing them on the radio. And he's very cool.

[B]

Fuck, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Should watch it. Times Square.

[B]

I love Tim Curry.

[A]

You moved to New York recently. How's that? If you're living in New York, you should watch Times Square.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love New York.

[A]

New York's New York's great. Best city on earth.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Yeah. Great. Greatest city on earth.

[B]

I kind of thought you would say that. That was Paris.

[A]

No, you love Paris. Paris is great. But the greatest city on earth is New York City.

[B]

New York is wonderful. New York is where I look.

[A]

I moved New York when I was 18. It changed. Changed my whole life.

[B]

No, you took a train.

[A]

Took a train. I was like a little Chalamet.

[B]

There's such a cute picture of you.

[A]

I was like a little Timothy Chalamet.

[B]

There's such a cute picture of you when you were 18.

[A]

The era of Bob Dylan that Timothee Chalamet is depicting is literally what I was after as well. So all those photos of him, I'm like, I have photos of myself that I look exactly like this.

[B]

You really do. You were wearing little hats.

[A]

I was wearing. Wearing a little hat. I was like. I went there with a guitar. My guitar's name was Muddy. And on the case, I. I painted a chessboard. Like, I'm gonna probably be playing chess against random people in Central Park. Not one game of chess was played on that thing.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, but it was cool.

[B]

Have it.

[A]

You know, a friend has it. A friend has it. My buddy Jeremy has it.

[B]

Let's get it from Jeremy and play chess on it sometime.

[A]

That would be sick. That's a good idea.

[B]

Let's do that. It's a good idea. Painted over it.

[A]

It. No, it's. It's. Muddy is intact.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The case and the guitar.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I'd. Jeremy up.

[A]

Yeah, he paid.

[B]

I.

[A]

You ever been in a physical, you would fight?

[B]

No.

[A]

That's a great. I was talking with. About this with a friend the other day. We're at a bar talking about this, and our girlfriends were talking to each other. It was like this very funny thing because they were literally talking about, like, they're. They're. They.

[B]

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[A]

They were talking.

[B]

They was not even how I am.

[A]

They were. It was. It was literally. The conversation was really fun. Funny, because we had a couple drinks and Katie and his girlfriend Sam were talking about, like, what color to paint a room or something. Like, literally. And then Adam, I. We've never been in a fight, but if we were, you know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. They're talking about beautiful aesthetic things, and you guys are talking about how at.

[A]

One point they're like, what? We're getting, like, really worked up. And I feel like almost like fake punching each other.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, what are you guys talking about? We're, like, fighting and. But I've never been in a fight, really. One time a guy, like, hit me in the face, like in. In the chaos of a mosh pit because he could get away with it. Yeah, he should have fucking. He should have done it in real life. But I was telling the story to my buddy. The. The closest I've ever been to coming in a fight, it was at the Record Bar here in Kansas City at this thing called the Kansas City Curse. For a long time where all my shows sucked, like, my career was rising, but every time I'd come to Kansas City, it would be, like, worse than the time before. It was so bad. And I was just like, I fucking hate this butt crack town. Like, I need to get out of here. Like, that's how I felt about it growing up. So I'd Come here and like, I'll play Denver sold out show the night before. Chicago sold out the night after. But Kansas City, they break. The air conditioner broke. And also, like, the ticket sales are so low that we have to make it a free show. Like, it'd be so crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then my parents and, like, old friends would come and they'd be like, yeah, the music thing seems like it's really working out, Kev. And I'd be like, yeah, but elsewhere it's going well.

[B]

So they don't literally going well.

[A]

And I'm like, I couldn't convince them. And like, there's this. Anyways, there's this time where finally we call the Kansas City Curse. I had like a headline show at the Record Bar. It was like 2018 or something, and it was a sold out show. And it was like, we're gonna break the curse tonight. This is gonna be a great show. It's the last show of a five week tour. And so we get on stage, we play the whole show, we go through the whole show. It's incredible. It goes off, you know, no problems. It's wonderful. The crowd's freaking out. And then we go backstage right before going out for the encore, and we're like, oh, my God, we broke the curse. This is amazing. Go back out for the encore. We get half a song into the encore, and my sister and my mom and my high school girlfriend's mom are like, all like, up front and. And I just see my sister, like, kind of look like a little faint. And then she turns around and sits down and her body just goes lifeless. And I couldn't believe it was happening. It was so scary. I thought my sister just died right before my eyes. So I jump in the audience and then, like, the three of us are trying to, like, take my sister out. And then at some point, a guy who I think thought that my sister was drunk and causing problems, so I was throwing her out, this guy yelled, fuck you at my sister. And then I so instinctually got so upset, I jumped up on stage. The band was still playing. They're so confused as to what was going on. And I found the guy and I.

[B]

Was like, fuck you, that's my sister.

[A]

And I yelled at him and I jumped back in the crowd, took my sister out. She's involuntarily puking while unconscious in front of the thing. Everyone's kind of awkwardly, like, filtering out. I was still in my suit, the band was still kind of playing. And everyone's like, hey, man, can we Let you to photo. Like, it was, like, so weird. Yeah. No one knew what was going on. It's complete chaos. And then my sister. An ambulance came. My sister got taken away. It ended up being totally fine. Luckily, my friend Abby, who's a doctor, was there, and she, like, stepped in, took care of the situation, which is amazing. Thank you, Abby. But anyways, all this just to say the very end of this. So then, like, my sister gets taken away, and I turn around and I face the record bar. And it's like a couple hundred people have walked out, and they're all just staring at me. It's like my reality had just completely bent. And I was like. I just couldn't believe the Kansas City Curse was so alive and real. We couldn't finish the show. Like, I couldn't. It was the craziest things ever happening in my life.

[B]

Have you broken it since?

[A]

I have broken it since. Yes. I have broken it since, but. So anyways, I turn around and I just kind of, like, face the audience, like, well, I guess, like, let's all have a beer or something. And then this guy comes up to me, and he was like, hey, man. And he shakes my hand, but, like, a little too aggressively. And he kind of pulls me in, and he was like, why'd you say fuck you to my brother? And he wanted to fight. And I felt so crazy and so out of my mind. And suddenly I realized that, like, my friend Jordan, who I hadn't seen since sophomore year of high school, was, like, a hockey player. My friend Iggy, who's, like, my brother, who I grew up with. And then, like, Cyrus, who's, like, this hunk in my band, I had, like, different generations of, like, friends throughout the years, like, backing me up. And then there's all these people, and I. My adrenaline was so through the roof that I was like, if ever to get in a fistfight, the time is absolutely now. And I got really excited. And the guy was like. He was. And his brother was right next to him. So it's the two of them. It was like the four of us. And he was like, why'd you say fuck you to my brother?

[B]

Coward.

[A]

That was like.

[B]

His brother broke it up, by the way.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

You do the weird handshake.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. So then I said to him. I, like, looked at the brother and I go. I said fuck you to your brother because he said fuck you to my sister. And then I was like, let's fight. Let's fight right now. And he was like, they got so the look on their face was as if they'd seen a crazy person.

[B]

Well, they had, they had.

[A]

They didn't know what they're getting into because he was like. He was like. He's like, what? And I was like, right now let's fight in front of all you. It'll be great. Because in my mind, I'm like, even if I got the kicked out of me in front of, like, my fans, that's kind of sick.

[B]

That's hardcore.

[A]

It's hardcore. It'd be so cool. Like, they watch me go down, like, if I cry, like, it'd be sick, but. But it wasn't gonna happen. I like my boys behind me, you know, suddenly different generations of boys. But anyways, then they, like, walk down the block and they talked to some of their friends and they're like, should we. Should we fight them? And then we were like, come back here. And then they. They went away.

[B]

Yeah, because you were acting fucking insane.

[A]

I was acting crazy. So hopefully I can conjure up that anytime that someone wants to get in a fight with me. I don't want to get in a fight. It would suck to get in a fight. I think I'd only do it if someone was, like, messing with someone I loved. I don't. No one is gonna, like, piss me off, like, for making fun of me or something.

[B]

You can't get me to that place.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

I'm in control of me.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah. You'd have to do something to someone else that. Yeah, I'm not. There's nothing you could say to me that would piss me off enough to want to hit you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm like, I don't care about that from. To me. I've heard it.

[A]

I could see you laying hands. I could see you, like, kicking someone's ass.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What if someone. This is a good, like, experiment. Like, what if we were walking around and someone came up to me and just shoved me?

[B]

What would you do? Shoved you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's so many factors that would have to be known.

[A]

They shoved me and they said, you suck. I'm gonna beat you up. What would you do?

[B]

What are they. What are they? Like, they're.

[A]

They've got a motorcycle jacket on and slicked back hair.

[B]

Guy.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

How do you know? Did you ask them?

[A]

They're wearing. They're wearing a shirt that says I'm a guy.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

They're wearing a shirt that says I'm a guy.

[B]

Okay. In fairness, though, that is something that a lesbian would do just to be completely fair. Okay. They're wearing a shirt, says I'm a guy. So now we know their gender for sure. They're a biker person. Yeah, I guess I beat the out of them until they bled and cried or something.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Yeah. I would never let them hurt you.

[A]

Should we do improv right now?

[B]

No.

[A]

Like to do improv?

[B]

No. Because last time, I love improvising. Last time I improvised with you. You were a real tyrant about it. How long have we been doing this?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

When did we start? An hour and 15 minutes. Kevin, it could just go.

[A]

The time can just go with us, you know.

[B]

Well, with me. Dude, you talk forever. That's because you know what it is?

[A]

What?

[B]

Put your phone away for me, all right? Don't get distracted. Do you know what it is with me and you?

[A]

What?

[B]

It's when two real guys get together and they're just real.

[A]

Oh, this brings me to the next question. I wanted to ask you this question. I thought Katie was gonna come here. The thing about our friendship, Caleb, is that I feel like we've got our.

[B]

Boys club and I'm one of the girls.

[A]

Well, we've got. We've got this. We've. We've got this crew and, like, Katie's in it, Tara's in it, Liam's in it. And you. You drift between scenes. You can hang out with the girlies, you go have a girls night out at G. And. Oh, and you also have a boys night out, you know, so on the hot mic, Caleb, which is better, right?

[B]

So a healthy and well balanced diet. Diet is what it's called for.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

My privilege in life. I have one. Yeah, I have one privilege in life, and it's that I get to be one of the boys and one of the girls.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's my one gift that God gave to me. I get to be one of the girlies and I get to be one of the fellas.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I get to be at tea, having a little tiny sandwich with no crust on it, talking about, oh, colors and things like that. You know how girls are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I get to be one of the boys. I get to go to the big game and scratch my nuts and eat chicken wings. You know, that's my privilege in this world. That was given to me by God. Yeah, Christian. God rained that down to me. Absolutely gave me the privilege. When God made me. He said, perfect dimples.

[A]

He said perfect dimples.

[B]

Cute little nose, adorable smile. Charm that could light up the darkest rooms.

[A]

Light up a Christmas tree.

[B]

Light up a Christmas tree. Light up a cave in the middle of nowhere.

[A]

A cave in the middle of nowhere.

[B]

He made me. He said he's gonna be so adorable. He's gonna be so sweet. He's. Everyone's gonna love him.

[A]

And.

[B]

And by the way, why not be one of the girls and one of the guys?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's what he gave to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He gives other people other stuff.

[A]

Still not answering my question.

[B]

Well, I'm a storyteller, Kev.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So this is what God did to me for me. This is what God did for me. Christian God. And he gave me this gift. And so here's what I'll say about the friend group. I am the only singular person in our friend group that you just described that has never risked the vibe of the friend group by another person in the friend group. All of you guys are sleeping with each other and making. And really, really risking the friend group.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I would never sleep with any of. I wouldn't touch any of you with a 30 foot pole because I would never. And you guys are all hot. I wouldn't touch any of you with a 30 foot pole because I would never put what coming above the beauty of our friendship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm not going to answer your juvenile, your silly question.

[A]

The strength, the bravery.

[B]

I wouldn't touch you guys. You guys could. You guys could do anything in the world to try and sleep with me.

[A]

How dare you.

[B]

Dream on.

[A]

How dare you.

[B]

I wouldn't any of you.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So you guys are risking the friend group.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

That all being said, I prefer the girls.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I'm just kidding.

[A]

You're scared.

[B]

Well, because we had a beautiful moment together, the boys, recently.

[A]

We did in Chicago. Oh, we had a beautiful moment. The girls were jealous of all.

[B]

Timer, I cried. Timer, I cried in my boys.

[A]

There's a photo of it.

[B]

I had my arms around my boys and I cried. Dude.

[A]

And you know what? There's other boys there that just. All the boys joined in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Strangers were just joining in. Boys with Mavis Staples sang with Nathaniel Rayliff. They sang the song Friendship.

[B]

Cause we got friendship.

[A]

Kind of.

[B]

Beautiful song.

[A]

Beautiful song.

[B]

Davis Staples sang it in Chicago with Nathaniel Rayliff.

[A]

His first arena show in Chicago is beautiful.

[B]

Two musicians that I love.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I'm with my boys and I put my arms around my boys and I cry, cry, cry.

[A]

At the moment, scratching your nuts.

[B]

And I'm scratching my nuts. I'm letting it all hang out with my boys. And do you know what I thought in that moment?

[A]

What?

[B]

When boys come together, it can be so beautiful, of course, but often it is evil. Well, what do you.

[A]

Oh, of course.

[B]

Boys coming together is historically one of the worst things we've seen.

[A]

We have a lot of bad representatives for us out there in the world.

[B]

When boys come together, it is so often. Well, it's war.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

We've got a name for it. It's either a rally or war.

[A]

Men love war because then they can have, like, Then, like, something.

[B]

Sex with other guys.

[A]

Yeah. Yes, dude.

[B]

I've been saying that.

[A]

That as well, is like, then they love. They love to, like, stand over, like, you know, someone who's injured with the sunset and, like a song playing in the background and have a. Have a moment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You think men love war because it's beautiful.

[A]

They love to, like, get themselves into, like, horrible situations that they definitely don't need to be in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then be like, well, that's. He fought. He fought for his life. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like. Well, no one had to fight at all.

[B]

Men make everything complicated for no reason.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And women are just plain kooky. I don't get women.

[A]

Gadzooks.

[B]

No, I'm kidding. I love girls. Love girls.

[A]

Yeah. So. So the girls. You said the girls.

[B]

Well, no, I think it's just different, you know, Sometimes you want to be with the boys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sometimes I'm feeling callous and insensitive.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You know, and then I want to be with the fellas.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sometimes I'm feeling soft and tender.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Then I want to be with the girls.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

You know, but I. The gift that God, Christian. God gave to me is that I get to be both. And I thank him or her or them for that every single day.

[A]

Every single day.

[B]

Every single day.

[A]

Beautiful.

[B]

Well, it's a gift. And, yeah, I love it. I wouldn't trade it because you only get to be the boys.

[A]

Only get to be the fellas, unfortunately.

[B]

I've never seen you with the girls, though.

[A]

You know what's funny? I think you're more of a fellow than I am. You know, way more about football than I know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As an example.

[B]

I know. That's right.

[A]

You play football.

[B]

Sure did.

[A]

What. What position?

[B]

You want to feel my muscles?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hold on. Okay, go.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

You can fuck somebody up surprisingly a lot, huh?

[A]

Yeah. So what are you going to do if TikTok gets banned?

[B]

Fuck, I'll celebrate. I'll dance in the streets.

[A]

Is your biggest. Is. Is this the. The biggest platform for this on TikTok?

[B]

I do have my biggest following on TikTok, but I do not care.

[A]

TikTok is so scary. Every time I open TikTok, I'll only ever open it every once in a while.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I will, like, get an email from them or something that's like, you got a direct message from, like, this friend or something.

[B]

Like, what is that?

[A]

And it's always just a friend who sends me, like, some dumb video or something. But anytime I open it, it's like, I can't. My brain. It's too much for me.

[B]

It's too much.

[A]

I can't do it. And then I delete the app because I'm like, this is.

[B]

It's not for us. It's killing us.

[A]

Like, I'm addicted to Instagram, and sometimes I look at Twitter and stuff like that, and it's like, I get on the hook with those things. I don't actually get on the hook with TikTok. It's too crazy for me.

[B]

I have a question for you. What's up, Kevin Morby? What's so true to you?

[A]

What's so true to me? Is it supposed to be, like, a sincere answer or like a funny answer?

[B]

Only you can decide?

[A]

Only I can decide. Funny answer. So true to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The roles at Texas Roadhouse, dude, are not donuts, dude. But they're not not donuts, dude.

[B]

The roles at Texas Roadhouse are something so special and important to me.

[A]

You know who loves them?

[B]

Who?

[A]

Sandy Morby. My mom.

[B]

Sandy Morby is real. And I've always said that.

[A]

You're one of my mom's biggest fans. I can tell you just love her with all your heart.

[B]

Sandy is real as fuck.

[A]

She loves you, too.

[B]

She gave me you.

[A]

She.

[B]

And I appreciate that.

[A]

She loves those rolls. I love those rolls.

[B]

Incredible. The cinnamon butter.

[A]

Cinnamon butter is great. They're. They're so. They're so soft, dude.

[B]

Everything in Roadhouse, I wish we were there right now.

[A]

Texas Roadhouse is great.

[B]

I hate that we're not there.

[A]

I think that's, like, our restaurant. Like, that's where we go for, like, a special restaurant.

[B]

I know. And it sucks because I usually go there when I'm a little bit high.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I almost always get recognized. And it sucks because I'm not in my best. Well, I might blaze out of my mind about to go to town on a steak, and someone's like, can I get a picture? And I'm like, I wish you Wouldn't. But, yes, you know, I do love you, but I'm ultimately look like shit, you know?

[A]

Well, that's what's so true to me.

[B]

Those roles are an incredible one, Kevin.

[A]

Yeah. Well, thank you very much.

[B]

Thank you for saying that.

[A]

You know, we were taking my parents for their anniversary, which is like, January or. Sorry, December 30th.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Every year it's the same thing, but.

[B]

It keeps coming around. I don't know.

[A]

He's coming around. But that was me trying to, like, do a bit, and you weren't taking it. You know what? Every year it's their anniversary is the same.

[B]

I contributed to the bit.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

I said, oh, it keeps coming around. That's when. Sorry, you're not used to this. That's when you would have built on it and you would have taken it further.

[A]

I see.

[B]

Word. But I was there for you.

[A]

Well, every year we're taking them to, like, a fan. We're taking them to Golden Ox in the West. Bombs, which I love.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know, it's like, a little, like, fancy, I guess. Like, and we're taking them to Gold Knox. And, like, on the third year in a row, we're like, oh, your anniversary's about to come up. Like, we'll take you to Golden Knox again. And they started to laugh. They're like, we don't. We don't want to go there. Oh, we pay. Like, you. Like, what's the problem? Like, we're take. We take you guys out to eat. And they're like, you want to take us to a place that we actually like. Take us to Texas Roadhouse.

[B]

Fucking real, dude.

[A]

And then.

[B]

So real.

[A]

I was like, my parents have never had a good steak, even though my dad, like, grew up, like, cattle farming. But I was like, they don't know what. And then I researched it, and it was like, bon appetit. All these places were like, texas Roadhouse has, like, one of the best steaks.

[B]

Their steaks are good.

[A]

They're really amazing. Great restaurant, great staff.

[B]

Great staff. I hate that they make them dance, but when they like it, I like it for them.

[A]

Remember the last time we were there? That woman just kept saying, say less to us. I love it. We'd be like, can I get a side salt? Say less. Yeah, it was everything with the steak and mashed potatoes.

[B]

Say less.

[A]

How do you want to cook? Medium rare.

[B]

Say less.

[A]

She's sick.

[B]

Queen.

[A]

Queen loved her. Yeah, me too.

[B]

Kevin, I have a segment for you. All right.

[A]

What? True or false?

[B]

This is where the Men are separated from the they's or the boys or the girls. And I'm going to tell you right now, you're not ready for this. Kevin.

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

And I know what you're thinking in your head right now. Oh, Caleb's vamping because he doesn't have the script pulled up. Keep dreaming, loser.

[A]

Ready for this?

[B]

This is the true false segment.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I am going to read you 15 statements, okay? You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Danny, will you keep track of how many he gets? Right. I'll tell you 15 statements, okay? You're going to tell me if you think they're true or false. And then I'm going to tell you if you're right or wrong. And if you get 10 or more correct, I'm going to give you 50 US dollars.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

That's cash.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Okay. Gordon Ramsay was born in Sweden.

[A]

True.

[B]

False. Scotland. Domino's Pizza is. Domino's Pizza is older than Barack Obama.

[A]

False.

[B]

True. Fuck. Mosquitoes have 47 teeth.

[A]

True.

[B]

True. Over 1 million Earths would fit inside the sun.

[A]

True.

[B]

True. The Kansas City royals have won four World Series.

[A]

False.

[B]

False. It's two. The first electric guitar was invented in 1937.

[A]

False.

[B]

True. There are no working payphones in the U.S. false.

[A]

False.

[B]

There are about 100,000 silver dollar cities in St. Louis, Missouri.

[A]

What was the question?

[B]

Silver dollar cities in St. Louis, Missouri.

[A]

False.

[B]

False. It's in Branson. A face mask is a 15 years penalty. Or 15. He wrote it wrong. A 15 yards penalty in football.

[A]

15 year penalty. It is. That's true.

[B]

That's true. Beavers can breathe underwater. True. False. DFW airport is larger than the island of Manhattan.

[A]

True.

[B]

True. A group of frogs is called an army.

[A]

False.

[B]

True. It has never snowed in Fiji.

[A]

False.

[B]

True. Bob Dylan was in a fraternity in college.

[A]

True.

[B]

True. Tennis was named for the sport's founder, Pierre Tennis.

[A]

No. False. That's false.

[B]

False.

[A]

Yes. I know how it's named.

[B]

How many did he get? Oh, no. Kevin, shame on you. Shame on your cow.

[A]

I should have got the one about Fiji and tennis. I know why it's named that.

[B]

It was the speed that threw you off. I guess it was my speed as an interviewer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What? What? Why is tennis named what it's named?

[A]

Tennis is named because it's. It was. I read this in an essay recently by David Foster Wallace. It's. It's a. It's French.

[B]

You're just the reading this son of a. Until I send you something. I sent you an essay. I sent Kevin an essay months ago. Short, tiny little essay that I wanted him to read. He said, I'll read your essay if you watch this short film with me. He played me the short film. Refuse to read my essay.

[A]

I'm gonna read it because it's about the springtime. I'm waiting for spring to come back.

[B]

You're such a sick individual, Kevin. Thank you so much for being on.

[A]

Thanks for having me. What an honor. Love you too, brother.

[B]

You're one of my best friends in the whole world.

[A]

I. Hey, the feelings mutual.

[B]

And I would do anything for you.

[A]

Thanks, man.

[B]

You ever need anything, give me a call.

[A]

Same.

[B]

Hey, this was good.

[A]

I'm like a plumber. I'll come right over.

[B]

You want to tell people where to find you?

[A]

Find me. Find me on the streets.

[B]

Yeah. By Kevin on the streets. When I asked my mom that on her episode, she said, oh, I'm in Kansas City. I thought that was awesome. I love that.

[A]

That's nice. That was a Headgum podcast. Hi, guys. I'm Aga Wodom.

[B]

Check out my new show.

[A]

Thanks, dad.

[B]

Now on Headgum.

[A]

I was raised by a single mom, and I don't have a relationship with my dad. And, spoiler, I don't think I'm ever gonna have one with him because he's. He's dead. But. But I. I promise you that's okay. Because on my new podcast, I sit down with father figures like Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson, Adam Pali, Hasan, Minhaj, Tim Meadows, Andy Cohen, and many, many more. I get to ask them the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad. Like, how do I know if the guy I'm dating is the one? Or how can I change the oil in my car? Can you even show me that?

[B]

Or better yet, can you help me perfect my jump shot?

[A]

I am so bad at basketball.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Maybe I'm bad at basketball because I.

[B]

Don'T have a dad.

[A]

But subscribe to thanks dad on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[B]

New episodes drop every Monday.