Mary Beth Barone Loves Mad Men

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Mary Beth Barone Loves Mad Men"

Podcast Information:

• Title: So True with Caleb Hearon
• Host/Author: Headgum
• Description: Weekly podcast from beloved gay comedian Caleb Hearon. Basically just getting into it and sorting it all out and kind of identifying what’s really real.
• Episode: Mary Beth Barone Loves Mad Men
• Release Date: October 17, 2024

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Mary Beth Barone Loves Mad Men," Caleb Hearon engages in a candid and dynamic conversation with Mary Beth Barone. The episode delves into Mary Beth's passion for the classic TV show Mad Men, explores her experiences in the entertainment industry, and touches upon various social and personal topics.

Personal Experiences and Mental Health

Mary Beth opens up about her ability to maintain a positive demeanor despite battling personal demons, emphasizing the importance of resilience and joy.

• Mary Beth Barone [00:41]: "Not a lot of people could handle it and just be like smiling the way that I am. Ear to ear."
• Caleb Heron [01:45]: "The way you spread joy despite having so many demons is very inspiring."

She discusses her approach to reframing obligations as opportunities, transforming her mindset to embrace excitement over duties.

• Mary Beth Barone [02:15]: "This felt like so I'm trying to reframe things in my head mentally instead of being like, oh, that's something I have to do, like this feels like something I get to do. This is exciting for me."

Analyzing Social Issues

Capitalism and Real Estate

The conversation shifts to a critical examination of capitalism and its impact on society. Mary Beth expresses her discontent with the real estate industry, highlighting the systemic issues within it.

• Caleb Heron [26:11]: "I have a question for you. Top three things you do to fix the world. Go."
• Mary Beth Barone [71:05]: "I think we should have a cap on wealth."

They critique the exploitative practices of realtors and the broader implications of capitalism, discussing how it perpetuates inequality and hinders societal progress.

• Mary Beth Barone [40:17]: "I think it's working for you, though."
• Caleb Heron [41:00]: "But there's a lot more than the cops do now."

Police and Law Enforcement

Mary Beth and Caleb delve into the inefficiencies and moral dilemmas within law enforcement, questioning the effectiveness of current policing methods.

• Mary Beth Barone [17:00]: "But it's hard because like, you don't want to police people's sexualities. But I do."
• Caleb Heron [24:30]: "It's really nuts that you can involve the government in a conversation that's like, I don't want to hang out anymore."

Media and Entertainment

The duo discusses the influence of media on public perception, particularly focusing on the lack of genuine viewpoints in modern comedy and entertainment.

• Mary Beth Barone [50:09]: "Chris Fleming is the most fearless, brilliant. I think Chris Fleming is genuinely the funniest living comedian that we have."
• Caleb Heron [53:43]: "I love contract."

Perspectives on Community and Identity

LGBTQ+ Community

Mary Beth shares her deep roots and connections within the LGBTQ+ community, underscoring the support and understanding that come from living authentically.

• Mary Beth Barone [21:35]: "I stand up about this now, but my. Because I do have a lot of jokes about gay guys. It's only because I'm around them all the time."
• Caleb Heron [22:31]: "I think that whenever we're interacting with anyone, whenever you consider crossing me."

They reflect on the importance of community and the challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in a predominantly capitalist and often hostile society.

Comedy and Authenticity

The conversation highlights the struggle of maintaining authenticity in the comedy world, emphasizing the need for original points of view over superficial relatability.

• Mary Beth Barone [51:05]: "I'm trying to think of the word. It's like, you just, you're, you."
• Caleb Heron [51:05]: "What you actually think?"

Future Plans and Projects

Mary Beth reveals her upcoming projects, including a new half-hour special titled Blankie Girl and an indie movie set to release shortly after the podcast.

• Mary Beth Barone [35:05]: "I have an indie movie coming out next year."
• Caleb Heron [35:44]: "So October 18th in Seattle. Do you know how many cities you're doing?"

Caleb, in turn, discusses his aspirations to potentially transform his podcast into a more influential platform, reflecting on the dynamics of power and responsibility.

Final Thoughts and Notable Quotes

The episode concludes with a playful yet profound segment where Caleb and Mary Beth engage in a "True or False" game, showcasing their chemistry and quick wit.

• Mary Beth Barone [77:35]: "You can find me all over social media. I'm on Instagram, TikTok at Marybeth Barone and I have a YouTube channel where I post every few months."
• Caleb Heron [57:34]: "I do think that the second I get. I think I'm. I think I'll go away."

Throughout the episode, the hosts seamlessly blend humor with critical commentary, encouraging listeners to reflect on deeper societal issues while enjoying the engaging banter.

Notable Quotes

1. Mary Beth Barone [00:41]: "Not a lot of people could handle it and just be like smiling the way that I am. Ear to ear."
2. Caleb Heron [01:45]: "The way you spread joy despite having so many demons is very inspiring."
3. Mary Beth Barone [02:15]: "This feels like something I get to do. This is exciting for me."
4. Mary Beth Barone [71:05]: "I think we should have a cap on wealth."
5. Mary Beth Barone [40:17]: "I think it's working for you, though."
6. Caleb Heron [53:43]: "I love contract."
7. Mary Beth Barone [51:05]: "I'm trying to think of the word. It's like, you just, you're, you."
8. Mary Beth Barone [77:35]: "You can find me all over social media. I'm on Instagram, TikTok at Marybeth Barone and I have a YouTube channel where I post every few months."
9. Caleb Heron [57:34]: "I do think that the second I get. I think I'm. I think I'll go away."

Conclusion

"So True with Caleb Hearon" featuring Mary Beth Barone offers listeners an insightful and humorous exploration of personal resilience, societal critique, and the pursuit of authenticity in the entertainment industry. The episode stands out for its engaging dialogue, thoughtful reflections, and memorable exchanges, making it a valuable listen for those interested in the intersection of comedy and social commentary.

Transcript

[Mary Beth Barone]

This is a headgum podcast.

[Caleb Heron]

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[Mary Beth Barone]

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[Caleb Heron]

You're dealing with a lot of demons.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Not a lot of people could handle it and just be like smiling the way that I am. Ear to ear.

[Caleb Heron]

The way you spread joy despite having so many demons is very inspiring.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm very proud of you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I just want to show that it's possible.

[Caleb Heron]

Anything is possible. I mean, you think about it, the word impossible in itself. It says right there, I'm possible.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Sorry.

[Caleb Heron]

And speaking of beautiful Mary Beth Barone, what's going on with you?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm so happy.

[Caleb Heron]

I can't believe we're here.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm just happy.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm happy.

[Mary Beth Barone]

This felt like so I'm trying to reframe things in my head mentally instead of being like, oh, that's something I have to do, like this feels like something I get to do. This is exciting for me.

[Caleb Heron]

So what you're telling me, just so I can be clear, is that you had to employ at least one, if not several, mental device tricks to be excited to be here. That's kind of what you're saying.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That's not what I said. This is classic gay guy. You're twisting my words.

[Caleb Heron]

I said, welcome to the show, and you said, thank you. I'm trying to be excited about things.

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, I'm like, this is one of the things I get to do. I didn't have to convince myself, but it's just nice to have that, like, internal monologue. Yeah, you probably wouldn't know anything about that.

[Caleb Heron]

No, don't have one.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's totally empty up here.

[Caleb Heron]

It's empty up here. The only thing up here is gay sex.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah, clearly.

[Caleb Heron]

No, I do know what you mean. I'm really working on that as well.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's hard. Like, everything. A lot of things that I feel like I actually actively pursued, I then don't wanna do when it comes time to do it.

[Caleb Heron]

Honey, you're gonna find a friendly ear with me on every time on this topic. I have constantly said on this podcast and elsewhere, you could. If I have anything on my calendar, I don't want to do it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Even if it's exciting, fun, and cool.

[Caleb Heron]

If it's the best thing that's ever happened to me, it could be like. It could be a day on my calendar called Dreams Come True day, where all my dreams come true. And I'd be like, I'm telling them I have Covid.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I just want to watch Mad Men. Actually rewatch Mad Men. I already watched it twice at least the whole way through, and I'm in the process of that right now, so I am happy to be here. But I want to say, too, on the. On the subject of not wanting to do things that you yourself have planned, every single time I have to perform live, I'm talking to someone about how much I don't want to do it. And I scheduled the show, I sold tickets, I invited people to come.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Begged.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Begged.

[Caleb Heron]

Hoped that they would come.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Like, really was like, I get. If my shows don't sell out fast enough, then it's like, even if it sells, if it sells out on the day of, I'm like, well, I hope you're ready to go get a real job.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, these are some fake fans.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Wow. What a nice audience.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Jump on that.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Well, I'm glad we could wait just to see if something better came up.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. What I like to do is if I have shows, like an early show and a late show, if the late show sells out faster, I berate the early show.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm like, so you. I mean, I guess you guys didn't Care that much about coming.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. I couldn't have gotten on the first one.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Interesting.

[Caleb Heron]

Now I really do. I need to work on my not wanting to do things. It's really tough because actually, I do want to do things. I don't want a life where I do nothing well.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I want things to be done.

[Caleb Heron]

Can I tell you something? In every single timeline of every single universe, from 10,000 miles away, I knew you were a girl who watches Mad Men. In every single universe, I knew you were a madman girl.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I just love it.

[Caleb Heron]

I know.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's escapism. It's one of my favorite time periods. The fashion, the characters. I mean, God, it's just. It's sex, it's capitalism, it's commerce.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. And I just knew. I just said mary Beth is a madman. Girlina.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I am a mad.

[Caleb Heron]

What do you guys call yourselves?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Madman Easters.

[Caleb Heron]

We're mad maniacs. We love the show.

[Mary Beth Barone]

There's different factions. Yeah, but I mean. Yeah, I would love to know what. What it says about me that I watch Mad Men.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, you're style. You're very stylish. You know, I just said about you when you were going to the restroom, I said, you know what I hate about Mary Beth? I said this to everyone in the building. I sat out in the common area. I said, you know what I hate about Mary Beth? The fact that she can make a T shirt and jeans look so chic.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Really? Because I had a huge outfit regret on my way here.

[Caleb Heron]

You look incredible.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

This has always been the thing I've said about I do find myself to be hot, but I'm hot in a way where it requires some level of creativity. Everyone has to have a certain politics and a certain level of buy in. My hotness is in certain rooms. You can convince people. But the thing about me and traditionally hot people is if I wear a T shirt and jeans, I look like I'm gonna clean someone's gutters.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You are wearing a T shirt and jeans right now. No one would ever clean gutters in Birkenstocks. Don't say that. The Birkenstocks probably wouldn't be downright dangerous.

[Caleb Heron]

I just. Frankly, everything that thin people do, thin, beautiful people can do it in a way where it's chic and it's giving Vogue and it's giving CoverGirl. And I do it in a way where it's like, uh, oh, Kevin James just got home from work in King of Queens, you know, and now he shifted into casual.

[Mary Beth Barone]

He wants to take a load off with his Wife Leah Remini.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes. That's all he wants in the world.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Scientologist Leah Remini.

[Caleb Heron]

Former Scientologist Leah Remini, who is getting a divorce, sadly. I don't know if you saw.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I watched her reality show. A lot of people don't remember. She had, like, a special on VH1 about her wedding. Yeah, that's when I fell in love with her.

[Caleb Heron]

Really? I do love her.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I wonder if this is the same marriage or a different marriage.

[Caleb Heron]

You know, you never know in Hollyweird in Hollywood.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, I've always said this. I said this on my podcast as well, which we don't have to talk about, but gay guys will get engaged to anyone and celebrities will have a baby with anyone. And I feel like that's really come out of the. Just, I guess, throwing caution to the wind. Because it used to be that celebrities would marry anyone, but now they've taken it a step further and they're having children.

[Caleb Heron]

They'll just have kids anywhere.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You're bound for life.

[Caleb Heron]

Any old wear.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. I didn't know you had a podcast. Yeah, I frankly don't know what most people don't. Yeah, I didn't know what you do. I was like, this girl is a lot of fun. I like her vlog.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, I'm an apple baby.

[Caleb Heron]

Are you?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. My dad's a doctor and my mom's a nurse.

[Caleb Heron]

Right. Yeah. So you're.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I have deep Hollywood ties.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the Connecticut medical family to Brooklyn alt slash mainstream comic pipeline. That's very well studied.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's linear. You have a Wikipedia page about it.

[Caleb Heron]

Not only did you grow up in Connecticut, Doctor dad, nurse mom. Okay. Which is obviously inappropriate, but I'm not gonna go into that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Very inappropriate. Abuse of power.

[Caleb Heron]

Abuse of power. But that's none of my business. They have. You have 17 siblings.

[Mary Beth Barone]

There are six of us.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

That's a lot.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. It's pretty overwhelming.

[Caleb Heron]

Where are you in the order?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yes.

[Caleb Heron]

Youngest.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thank you. If you had said anything else, I would have walked out and knocked the camera over on my way.

[Caleb Heron]

Can I tell you something?

[Mary Beth Barone]

What?

[Caleb Heron]

In every universe, in every timeline, from 10,000 miles away, I would have known that you were our youngest child.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That means the world. I feel like you know me so well. I really wear my heart on my sleeve. I am who I am through and through. And that's why people can make these, like, they can deduce these things about me.

[Caleb Heron]

They call you Mary Beth. No tricks, Barone.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Truly.

[Caleb Heron]

There's no tricks.

[Mary Beth Barone]

There's no tricks. Except that my name is Mary Elizabeth. And a lot of people don't know that.

[Caleb Heron]

I've always hated that because every time. Every time I want to say I want to see you, I go, mary Elizabeth, Mary Beth. Like I have to bring that back to, you know. Because I don't want to ruin your brand.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, I don't. I don't respond to Mary Elizabeth Right.

[Caleb Heron]

Well. Unless it's your parents.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm not saying unless it's my parents. They haven't called me that in a while, though. I haven't gotten into trouble in a long time.

[Caleb Heron]

Congratulations.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You got.

[Caleb Heron]

No. But I'm so proud of you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I haven't been reprimanded in a while by anyone.

[Caleb Heron]

You're an adult.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think that's what. That's the indicator. It's not about paying my own rent or having a place or getting a dog. It's like, I haven't been reprimanded in a long time.

[Caleb Heron]

I actually just got reprimanded.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Tell me.

[Caleb Heron]

I would love to. I was meant to go to dinner. I was meant to go to dinner and it was in Williamsburg and it was about a. It was an hour walk from me or it was an 18 minute bike ride.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

Something of that nature. And so I said, well, I was.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That's crazy, right? Can we talk about how crazy?

[Caleb Heron]

Can we talk about that?

[Mary Beth Barone]

An hour to walk distance is something I'll never wrap my head around.

[Caleb Heron]

Makes little to no sense to girls like you and me. And I said, I was. It was one of those things where you get ready early and you're like, do I just rot on the couch until I order a car at the last minute and inevitably in five minutes late for no good reason, or until I was like, I'm going to grab my book that I'm reading. I'm gonna get on a bike. I'm gonna bike over to the neighborhood.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I thought you were gonna. You've seen people read books on a bike in New York, surely.

[Caleb Heron]

No, I have not.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I have.

[Caleb Heron]

No.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

God.

[Mary Beth Barone]

The confidence of a obviously heterosexual man. White man.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Reading a book while riding a bike.

[Caleb Heron]

Crazy.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And then. I'm not kidding you. This is gonna sound made up. One time I saw someone riding a bike, reading a book and eating a banana. No hands.

[Caleb Heron]

And you know what? He's probably in Congress now. That's how it goes for men. That's. That's sick. That's how it goes for men.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

He failed up. God, that makes me sick with rage.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm sorry.

[Caleb Heron]

But anyway, I was like, I'm gonna go to a cafe near the restaurant. I'm gonna read my book and have a little night coffee to get me going for this dinner.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You know, I couldn't possibly imagine how this takes the turn to where I get reprimanded. Canceling dinner or getting. I'm just assuming you cancel. But no, it could be different.

[Caleb Heron]

No, it's even crazier. So I go to this little cafe which shall not be named, but it looked cute. And I. And it said they sometimes have live music. And you know me, I love to be around live music.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You just. You just listed off a few concerts you're going to just in the next month.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, next week. In fact, I do love live music. And so I was like, oh, there'll be some live music. How fun will that be? I go into the cafe, I order a coffee, and of course, the barista recognize me. That's just something that happens in my life. If there's a gay barista, they know my work, okay? So I'm feeling it instantly at home in the cafe. I'm thinking, they're gonna give me it. They're gonna really put their effort into my locket. Roll out the red carpet, right A little bit. And so I give. Of course, I give them a good tip. And then I'm listening to the live music over by the counter, and there's a show going on, some. Somebody singing. And this guy looks at me watching the music, and he goes. And so I walk over to him and he goes, you need to pay if you're listening to the music. And I go, oh, I'm not gonna stay for the show. I'm waiting on a coffee. I'm gonna read my book over there in the, like, cafe park. And he goes, no, if you're listening to music, you need to pay the COVID And I was like, okay. You know, at first I was annoyed, but I was like, actually, maybe it would be nice to sit over here. And I do. He was like, the money goes to the artist. And I was like, well, I do want to, you know.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And who the hell is he, by the way?

[Caleb Heron]

By the way. He's working the.

[Mary Beth Barone]

He's the warden at the coffee shop.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, by the way. And so I got fascism. Fascism is here. And I'll tell you. Let me tell you something, Mary Beth. Democracy dies in darkness. And I. So I said, okay. So I was like, you know, I'll pay it. And I pay the COVID Now, mind you, I'm sure you're clocking this. I'm being, in this moment, one of the most generous people to ever live. Cause I could have told the guy to go fuck himself and sat where I wanted to sit. But I thought, oh, how nice am I? I'm gonna pay for the artist.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You're a proprietor of the arts, right?

[Caleb Heron]

I'm a proprietor of the arts and I'm a nice guy. And so then I pay. And before he removes the little thing to let me walk through. Cause there's like a barrier. Like a rope kind of.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's not doing much.

[Caleb Heron]

No, it's not. I could have walked straight through, by the way.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

But he removed. Before he does, he turns me to another woman. And she goes, there's a $10 spending minimum. And your coffee was only six.

[Mary Beth Barone]

This is in Brooklyn, in New York City. America. USA.

[Caleb Heron]

New York City, USA. Planet Earth. I could not believe. Charlatans. Charlatans. And they. And. And she. And I said. I said, hey, on that six star coffee, I tipped $6. I tipped 100%. She goes, yeah, but that doesn't count towards the tab. That just goes to the barista to.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Be a fly on the wall for this interaction. Because I just like. What did you say?

[Caleb Heron]

I said, I'm not buying another thing. I'm not staying long. And she said, well, that's the. There's a minimum. I said, keep the COVID I'm leaving. And I took my coffee to go. And the barista, literally, as she handed it to me, my fan, mind you, she hands me the coffee and she goes, I'm so sorry.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah, well, it falls on her.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, she should have done something as my fan. I need step in.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I need. Can you tell me the name and then we'll bleep it.

[Caleb Heron]

We?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Me, part of the producing team.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, yeah, we. Well, when I'm in the edit, it was called I actually like or something like that. It was actually really cute.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I just never want to go there.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, well, don't go. You'll be extorted if you go.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm wondering. That's racketeering.

[Caleb Heron]

That's racketeering. There should be a RICO charge on the whole building. The guy with the rope, the woman behind the counter. And I'm sorry to implicate her because she's a fan. The barista is obviously part of it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Your silence is deafening.

[Caleb Heron]

Your silence is deafening. And you let a. You let a queer, a queer guy.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Be discriminated against, a member of the lgbtq? Wow. Pride's really over, I guess.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. So I Guess June is long in the past and long forgotten. What the heck? I couldn't believe it. And this must be New York City, mind you, where gay guys invented all kinds of things.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Culture, for one, namely music.

[Caleb Heron]

Music.

[Mary Beth Barone]

We've been to cafes.

[Caleb Heron]

Gay guys did invent cafes.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And they also invented tap to pay.

[Caleb Heron]

But you know what? Gay guys also invented scamming. And that's where it all comes home to roost. Whoa, Are you crying?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm. I have a tear, because I'm just. That was pretty profound.

[Caleb Heron]

So one of six, huh? Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I have more questions. So I want to know what the musician was doing in this time and also how many other people were there? Did anyone witness this, or were you the sole audience member?

[Caleb Heron]

4.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Potential audience member.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, there was a big audience watching, actually. I was really quite happy for the band, I want to say. There were four very cool, very disaffected people sitting next to me when it was happening. That couldn't have been more than 22 years old.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

So they don't even know how to read or count or do anything. They're.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Drive. Forget it. Drive.

[Caleb Heron]

Forget it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They got dropped off.

[Caleb Heron]

They got dropped off probably by their. Their rich parents, I'm guessing. And so they were there and they didn't care about my situation. They couldn't look upon my plight and feel empathy for me.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's troubling.

[Caleb Heron]

It is troubling when it's where we're headed. This whole damn country is going to hell.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, I hate to bring it back to capitalism, but I blame capitalism.

[Caleb Heron]

How do you feel about capitalism? Pro or con?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, I am. I'm against it, except when it benefits me.

[Caleb Heron]

It's working for you, though.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You're doing well, I would say. It's tough. It's a tough spot. It's what I was raised on, and I feel like I didn't understand how it was destroying, like, democracy, society, everything until, like, the last few years.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So it's been really hard to grapple with.

[Caleb Heron]

It's also tough because I do understand why people hate capitalism, but it's at this point, kind of like my. It's like my. Kind of like my comfort system.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, I can't really imagine anything else.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, it's just like. It's like an old blankie to me or something where I'm like, oh, I love that one.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, you know that. I'm a blankie girl.

[Caleb Heron]

You are big blankie girl.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I love my blankie.

[Caleb Heron]

That was the name of your first half hour, right?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah, it was blankie girl. But people kept spelling it wrong. Blankie is bl, B, L, A, N, K, I, E. Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

I was terrified you were gonna say ey.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That's like. That's weird. That's freak shit.

[Caleb Heron]

Horrifying.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I don't like that.

[Caleb Heron]

And frankly, fascism.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It. It all comes back to that.

[Caleb Heron]

Because democracy dies in the dark.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I wasn't sure if it was in darkness or in the dark.

[Caleb Heron]

Fuck.

[Mary Beth Barone]

What do you say?

[Caleb Heron]

We absolutely in darkness. It's absolutely in darkness.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Because I have listening comprehension.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I remember everything people say to me.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Do you?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

You are a terrifying individual because you have a calmness and a wit about you that I said something similar to Bob the Drag Queen on the show. I do fear the day that you ever turn on me.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I would never.

[Caleb Heron]

I only want you on my team.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And thank you for acknowledging that because I can be a very powerful antagonist when deployed as such. When deployed as such. Well, I'm always doing. I'm always doing math. I'm always doing. There's a lot of social politics going on. My brain is very busy.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And so just keep that in mind.

[Caleb Heron]

Whenever I'm interacting with anyone, whenever you consider crossing me.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I have predicted the future because of how perceptive I am. I'm not kidding.

[Caleb Heron]

Tell me one example.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's just going to be hard for me. Without going into detail.

[Caleb Heron]

I think this is a space where you can. We have microphones and cameras set up.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I predicted. I predicted that someone was going to cheat on their partner, and I was right because of perception only, not because I had talked to the person.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It was just based on perception.

[Caleb Heron]

Can I tell you that for a second before I realized that you were hiding identities to be a good person? I thought you were being like. I predicted that cheating would occur somewhere in the world, and it did. Like, I thought you were just being like, I. You know, I mean, like, you were like. I predicted someone would evade fair. And they. Apparently they did.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It just happened. Yeah, it actually just happened.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, you predicted cheating on the partner.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yep.

[Caleb Heron]

I. Yeah, I predict a lot of. I can predict a lot of relationship dynamics before they head that direction.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

All it takes is one weird glance at a dinner and I'm like, I see the divorce playing out.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. And it's just like picking up on things. And this is something straight men just don't have. It's just a. It's like an internal. I don't know. I guess it's. It's on the genome or something.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, it's an awareness of other people.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. It's a single second of thinking about another person that evades many straight men.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Do you hang out with straight guys a lot? Why a lot? Because you do podcast?

[Caleb Heron]

Yes, because I podcast. And straight men are useful people to have around because if you can get them guilty enough about their position in the world, like straight white guys particularly, and oh God, if they come from money, if you can get them good and guilty about their position in the world, you can get them to do pretty much anything. You can get them do pretty much anything. Rake your yard, Put in an ac. Put in an ac.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Move a mattress.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, move a mattress. You know, all kinds of stuff like that. Threaten people who owe you money? They really will. They'll work hard for you and they'll be loyal. You know that feeling when your favorite brand really gets you? Deliver that feeling to your customers every time. Memorable moments like these are key to building your business and your brand. Klaviyo turns your customer data into real time connections across AI powered email, SMS and more. Making every moment count so you can continue to build smarter, more meaningful relationships with your customers. Build smarter digital relationships with your customers and make every moment count with Klaviyo. Learn [e-mail] BFCM it's better over here at&t customers switching to T Mobile has never been easier. We'll pay off your existing phone and give you a new one free. All on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com carrierfreedom to switch today. Pay off up to $650 via virtual prepaid MasterCard in 15 days. Phone up to $830 via 24 monthly bill credits plus tax. Qualifying port and trade in service on Go 5G next and credit required. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue bill credits or credit stop and balance and required finance agreement is due.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I hadn't hung out with a straight guy other than my immediate family until I started dating a straight guy and he had a bunch of straight male friends. But they're British so it's a little bit different.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So I. And then of course, filming overcompensating. There were several straight actors on the show and I was exhausted. It was an exhausting practice. Yeah, but it made me a better person.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, you're better for it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I am better for it.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, in British people it's so fun because they say words you don't expect.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And that you've never ever heard.

[Caleb Heron]

They'll call soccer footy or something like that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They'll Call it footy.

[Caleb Heron]

Lovely.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They'll call your house the Gaffe.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes. How fun.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Partying. You're out on the sesh.

[Caleb Heron]

You're out on the sesh. Yeah. You're not in an apartment. You're really, in many ways, in a flat.

[Mary Beth Barone]

In a flat.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

When you think about it, that's so fun. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I almost wonder why we left them.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think it was capitalism or something.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. So something.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Something like that.

[Caleb Heron]

Something like that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They have no concept of the Revolutionary War, which is something I love. It's sort of like how they don't teach us about Vietnam here.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. I'm thinking about it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, they're just like, what? What would this really do for us to reflect upon? So they never heard of the Boston Tea Party. That's crazy. I had some fun with that one. Also, my big theory, a gay guy thought of the Boston Tea Party.

[Caleb Heron]

Absolutely.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They're like, how do we hit him where it hurts? Let's put their fucking tea in the ocean.

[Caleb Heron]

And some gay guy was like, dump that tea, honey.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Just dump it overboard. We'll laugh about it.

[Caleb Heron]

You are comfortable speaking on gay men?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, that's because I hang out with them so much.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, you hang out with one.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I hang out with many. All of my closest friends are gay guys.

[Caleb Heron]

It's just Benny in different wigs.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's just Benny in different wigs. He takes on many Personas.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, my. I stand up about this now, but my. Because I do have a lot of jokes about gay guys. It's only because I'm around them all the time. But also, I grew up with a gay uncle, and so my relationship with the gay male community. He's still alive.

[Caleb Heron]

Thank you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm not thinking he's gone. I'm just proud of you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I just. For people that can't see this, you put your hand out to hold mine.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

He's still with us, Uncle Greg.

[Caleb Heron]

I didn't think he was that. I just wanted to thank you for your service because so many girls do have a hesitancy around having a gay uncle.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's insane to me. They don't have so much to my life.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. What did he teach you?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, that being gay is a thing.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, that's number one I could have been in the dark on for a really long time.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

He also starts all of his texts to me with, hey, diva. Which can be very powerful.

[Caleb Heron]

And he's right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Powerful. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And he's right, because you are a diva.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I am.

[Caleb Heron]

And also, you shouldn't Be in the dark about gay. You shouldn't be in the dark about gay.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Also, he is like kind of a bitch sometimes.

[Caleb Heron]

Of course.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Which has given me a lot of permission in my life.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

To do the same.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, I see that for us. And I also think, you know, gay people used to be interesting. So many of these new model gays are not interested.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, they're NPCs.

[Caleb Heron]

They're NPCs.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Non playable characters. But we need NPCs to fill out the world. So I'm not mad.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, they're just like the, these gay people. They're just gay in a way that I'm like, you didn't get the kind of gay I got where you have like opinions and taste. You got the kind of gay where it's like you actually do just enjoy a certain kind of sexual.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And I. And we need people like that.

[Caleb Heron]

For sure.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They, they are, they help keep the economy.

[Caleb Heron]

Someone has to pay the rent tickets.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They're paying rent in Hell's Kitchen. Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

They keep Charlie XCX in skirts.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And thank God.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes, thank God, thank God. Keep that woman in tattered skirts. She's beautiful and talented.

[Mary Beth Barone]

She is. And I want to say there's no, there's no group that has a higher volume of NPCs than bisexual, white, bisexual women. So I just want to make sure that everyone knows that I also can recognize. I hold the mirror up to society.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But that's my job. And I just want to say that I know within my community there's a lot of NPCs too.

[Caleb Heron]

So bisexual. What is that all about? How do you split up the time? Are you doing open?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah, I mean, bisexual. It's a vibe for many, many people. It's a vibe. I'm practicing.

[Caleb Heron]

You're practicing.

[Mary Beth Barone]

There's practicing bisexuals and then there's non practicing. And the non practicing thing, I am kind of like, well then eat a. Or don't.

[Caleb Heron]

That's kind of what I've been on.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But it's hard because like, you don't want to police people's sexualities. But I do.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, I love policing everything I want to police.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think we should have. The police are going about it all wrong. We don't need to police people like trying to jump the turnstiles. We should be policing women who claim to be bisexual who have never eaten or touched a vagina that wasn't their own.

[Caleb Heron]

Right. I want to police things not with like a baton and a gun, but with like a harsh little comment And.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think you do. And I think that's beautiful.

[Caleb Heron]

That's beautiful. It's a lot more than the cops do now. What do they do now? New York City cops rake in the money, park in the bike lane, and play Candy Crush on their phone.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They do these. Oh, my God, don't get me started on how I would restructure the police in the city. Because then I know the podcast is only 90 minutes.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. And honey, we would cut it anyway because we do get a lot of money from the police to run this.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I actually knew that.

[Caleb Heron]

They do. They fund it. They fund the so true podcast conglomerate. And I'm happy to have the cash. I bought many properties off of it, so.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, you're a property owner.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, I am.

[Mary Beth Barone]

How do you feel about being a property owner?

[Caleb Heron]

Great. Great. Yeah. No. No qualms about it at all. No qualms.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, you're not. Do. You don't have people rent your house, right?

[Caleb Heron]

I don't, but you know what's funny is there probably will come. I'm very involved in the tenant union. It's like my big thing. And my friend runs it. And so we have a lot of conversations about. You know, I do often float to her. I'm like, hey, we need good landlords. Right? Like, that's part of the movement. And she's like, not. She's, you know, she's like, yes, but not really something you need to do. You know, like, I'm always floating. Kind of like, if I did buy a multifamily unit and rent it out as a source of income, what would that look like?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I feel like if you do it but you're not, like, gouging people, then it keeps prices down or something.

[Caleb Heron]

Sure. I bet there is some.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Like, you're not making a huge profit or something.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, if I'm just being quaint about it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

If you're being, like, cute.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. If it's, like, adorable. If I, like, paint it nice, and I'm like, you guys come hang out here and throw me some cash, and.

[Mary Beth Barone]

When things are broken, you fix them and right all that stuff, etc.

[Caleb Heron]

Etc. Yeah, well, that'd be more than a lot of landlords do. Most of them are just criminals. I actually do. I do want to run for office at some point on a very specific and hateful agenda. Like, I want to run. I want to say, like, realtors. Like, realtors, the brokers fees. Real estate brokers who take a fee to get someone apartment. You'll be jailed.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, for sure.

[Caleb Heron]

If you take a broker's fee to help someone find an apartment to rent. Enjoy. Prison is where you're going. No.

[Mary Beth Barone]

All the drug offenders should be let out.

[Caleb Heron]

They're getting out.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Obviously. Goes without saying. Realtors in.

[Caleb Heron]

A lot of people who work in real estate are going into prison. When I get into power, the biggest.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thing that makes me feel like we're in a simulation is how many realty offices there are. How many realtors there are.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And how many properties they have in the window.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Who's buying all these? Like, how are there that many? What?

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And how are there so many realtors? Like.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

What are you guys doing?

[Caleb Heron]

It's like, mattress stores.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, my God. I mean.

[Caleb Heron]

Yo, front for what? Front for what? What's being fronted?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I need to talk about corruption in the mattress industry really quick.

[Caleb Heron]

Go for it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So if you buy a mattress from one of these little startups, these cutesy little startups. Speaking of cutesy.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They'll be like, you have 100 days. If you don't like it, you could return it.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, guess what. If you don't like it within 100 days, they say, we'll refund you and you keep the mattress. What the fuck am I gonna do with a mattress that I don't want to sleep on? So then I have to dispose of it or put it on free cycle, which I did. But there's like, 50,000 mattresses are in. Go into landfills every day in America or something like that. Yeah, I don't remember exactly, but it's high.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And I just think it's like, those mattress companies should pick it up and bring it to, like, a shelter or something so it can be passed on. I don't want to contribute to the landfills, but, like, don't trick me into thinking that, like, I'm not. It's fucked up.

[Caleb Heron]

It's fucked up. It is fucked up. Let me tell you a mattress story, please. I went into a mattress firm when I moved to New York because I needed to get. I brought a mattress. My mattress from la. My, like, nice mattress. But then I needed a guest mattress for my guest room. Okay, sorry. I have a guest room.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And apologize more.

[Caleb Heron]

Sorry. I literally am sorry. I know that's fucked up. It's just how things are right now. And don't worry, if things start going bad, I'll have to rent.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I enjoy it.

[Caleb Heron]

Enjoy it. Hey, have fun with that. People are starving. I. But they're not. But they're not starving in my guest room because I went to mattress firm to get them a mattress. I walk in, five guys sitting at computers. No one wants to hop up and help.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, I mean retail in general. I want to hear the rest of the story. We have to talk about retail.

[Caleb Heron]

So I. No one wants to help. So I walk back to where they're all five milling on their computers, and I go, hey, fellas, looking for a mattress. You know, thinking something. It'll spark like a trigger in them, that they'll go, oh, yes, I work at the mattress store. Perhaps I can help you. No such luck. These fucking guys. They go, what's your budget? I tell them my budget, and they go, we don't have anything for that. And I go, okay, thank you. And I go to leave. And they go, well, hold on. And I go, what is. What could there possibly be to say? And they go, well, we can try to get you down.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So then, Oh, I didn't know you could haggle mattresses.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, you can, but when they said they have nothing at all, I was like, oh, you must not even be in the range. So then they try to give me a mattress for $400 more than what I said my budget was. And I go, hey, whether or not I have that money, I'm not spending it here today on a mattress. I'm here to get a mattress for my guest room that is this cheap. And I go. He go. He goes, wait, what's the max number you can spend? Really? And I said, not can spend, will spend. And it is this number, the one I said when I walked in. And he goes, hold on. He walks over and talks to one of the other guys doing absolutely fucking nothing. And he comes back and he goes, we can do that. Can you pay cash? And I go, yeah. So I did. And I don't know what I. I'm sure that when I handed over that bill, some kid in a coal mine somewhere in a country I haven't heard of, was somehow forced to work an extra hour or something. I know that I in inadvertently unwillingly participate in a butterfly effect of unethical labor practices, Right? But I did get that mattress.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, my thing. First of all, I'm really glad you got the mattress.

[Caleb Heron]

Thank.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So here's my thing lately. Well, there's this whole thing. I don't even know where to start right now. I worked in retail for many, many years, and I paid my dues, I did my service, and I'm not talking, like, softball retail jobs. I worked at Sephora.

[Caleb Heron]

Right?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

I know.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I was out there on the Front fucking lines.

[Caleb Heron]

You were leaving Sephora and going to UCB classes.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I was.

[Caleb Heron]

Don't I know it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And so I've been there. I. I know what it takes. I know how hard it is on the feet and the bones and the body. But there's something happening in retail right now. There is a shift where it is truly like, good fucking luck. You walk into the store, the people are just on their phones on the floor. I don't care, by the way. Do what you have to do. But if I do need to ask something, I would love to be given. I would love to be given the space to do that.

[Caleb Heron]

Essentially, just create a little space for me to ask one question.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I don't need you to give me your full attention. Just a little bit.

[Caleb Heron]

Sephora's in a crisis right now. We just sit in Sydney, Washington, two weeks ago, did this show, and on her episode, she talked about going to a Sephora, and basically, you know, you have to fire a gun in there to get someone to look at you. You can't get any help.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They're severely understaffed at all times, especially the ones in New York.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But the thing that's funny, not a lot of people know this. To all the. All the makeup girlies and guys and non binary individuals listening, it's a big umbrella. You can return anything at Sephora at any time.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

A lot of people don't know that you can return open things.

[Caleb Heron]

Really. Yeah, I wouldn't think to.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't have the mind of a scammer.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Me neither. Well, I've only done that when I didn't. When I wasn't actually gonna use the product. Like, I opened it and it wasn't the right shade or something.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But, yeah, I mean, I don't. And that's not. I guess if you're in the lgbtq, you should use that to scam. If you're not, then don't. But again, it's like corporate America or whatever, so maybe do. I don't know. I don't know who's being punished. If you return things at Sephora, if you, like, over return things.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, somewhere, some child in some coal mine in some country you haven't heard of has to stay late at their shift. They have to say, it's really not funny when to stay one extra hour. Yeah. Like a boss comes down and says, hey, sorry, you got to stay an extra hour.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, I had this bit of standup that. That never really works, but I was like, I shop at Brandy Melville because If I don't, then the children who make the clothes will lose their jobs.

[Caleb Heron]

Why wouldn't it work? That's a great premise.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's just a little dark.

[Caleb Heron]

That's a great premise.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's just dark.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, we hate dark because people don't.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Want to think about child labor. But then they shop at Brandy Melville. So I'm like, the fact of the matter is, hi, mirror society. Take a long, hard look.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. You're the only bisexual woman who's willing to take a look at stuff. I will say you've taken a look.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I have a curious mind.

[Caleb Heron]

And you're reflecting.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm trying.

[Caleb Heron]

That gay uncle really sparked something in you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. I mean, the more I learn, I'm just like, wow, I have a lot of work to do.

[Caleb Heron]

You are a bit of a social justice diva. You do. This is my new.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Sorry, I just saw my Uncle Greg for a second.

[Caleb Heron]

This is my new interview style. So tell me about that. Tell me about social justice.

[Mary Beth Barone]

We don't call them social justice warriors anymore because anti violence pacifism. Social justice. Diva.

[Caleb Heron]

Diva.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Peace.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It implies peace.

[Caleb Heron]

We just want peace for everyone in social. That's the goal of it all.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

What? I have a question for you. Well, you were quite successful, Mary Beth.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

Things are going really well.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I mean, I don't have a guest room, right?

[Caleb Heron]

Well, you don't need one. You're just out and about.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I don't have guests.

[Caleb Heron]

You're out and about all the time. Well, I was. Yeah. So I do have a guest room. And obviously I hate that that came back and obviously probably will cut it. But, Mary Beth, you're doing well. Okay. You've got the Ride podcast. You're successful. Stand up, you're beloved. You're a huge star in overcompensating that's coming out in the spring. Likely I don't know what dates, so I can only say in the spring, I think. But everything's going really well for you. I hope you feel.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

And what do you want? What's. I ask people on the show, like, what do you. What's the point?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I want to have autonomy in the projects that I do.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I want to get to a place where I can get things made and where I can say no to things that I don't think are good.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And only say yes to things that I think are good.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Do you. Do you feel that you're not at the place to say no to bad things yet? Have you not. Have you not been doing that not really.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It depends on like who's involved. And you know, it's interesting because sometimes you get presented with opportunities that, you know, morally you should say no to and you think, if the offer was a little better, I would do it for sure. But you say no because the offer is just not. I've used to be.

[Caleb Heron]

I've definitely gotten offers that I'm like, it's easy to be moral on this one because you didn't do the money right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Exactly.

[Caleb Heron]

Had you done the money right, questions would be asked.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Or it's like if it's an audition versus like, you know, getting an offer or something, it's like, well, if I have to put effort into maybe get something that I would feel bad about doing, then I probably won't do it.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But if it was like given to me, then I would think about it.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, you're right. Like, I'm not going to self tape in blackface, but if I come to.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Set and they're like, and they're like.

[Caleb Heron]

We'Ll do it for you, then it's a different thing.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You're going to try to get me on record to say that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm not saying that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But I want to do stand up acting, writing, all this, all that stuff is like, that's what drives me. It's what fuels me. I am career obsessed again, probably due to capitalism and gay uncle. And gay uncle and this just severe need to succeed. But I will say I was reflecting on the year a little bit and I. I didn't do a full smile with teeth, but I smirked thinking about the year.

[Caleb Heron]

Can you give us what you did? Just a little.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I did. I put a special out on YouTube.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That I self produced. I did the Tonight show for the second time. I filmed this TV show that you were in that we're all excited about overcompensating. I wrote on the show and then I have an indie movie coming out in a couple weeks that I am excited. Like I was leading to movies. That's cool.

[Caleb Heron]

Hey, Beth, I'm very proud of you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thank you. And now I'm going on tour. I keep forgetting to tell people that.

[Caleb Heron]

This is a place where you should.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Say that I'm going on tour.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And how I'm framing it is if you live near a major city, I'll be in a city near you.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. And when do you start the tour?

[Mary Beth Barone]

It starts in October.

[Caleb Heron]

In October. What date do you remember?

[Mary Beth Barone]

October 18th in Seattle.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, this comes out on the 17th.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, my God.

[Caleb Heron]

So October 18th in Seattle. Do you know how many cities you're doing?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I don't know, because counting is hard.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But it's a number.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. And you're doing a lot of them.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So I'm doing a number and it's like Seattle, Louisiana, Philly, dc, Stanford. I'm doing a hometown show in Connecticut, New York, and then San Francisco, Boston. I think that's it.

[Caleb Heron]

Boston's a fun one. Those are all fun. That's going to be a blast.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think so, too.

[Caleb Heron]

Are you taking an opener with you or you having local openers?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think I'll do a mix. I think so. Chelsea Holmes, friend of the show, I'm guessing was going to do Chicago, but then she booked something so she's not able to. So.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, yeah. That's an individual who. Shaky morals at best.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, looking out for number one.

[Caleb Heron]

Always looking out for number one. Yes. Always looking out for number one.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, I. I really can't get into that. Kidding. Love you, Holmes. No, that's so exciting too. Or go. Go see Mary Beth on tour. I love that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I have a new hour, so it's cool.

[Caleb Heron]

I can't wait.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's a little heady. It's just heady. I can't, like, I can't write about fluff. Like, I just. I have to talk about serious things. Which as a blonde person, I will say, like, the perception has changed. Like, sometimes I say things on stage and I'm like, it would have gotten a bigger laugh if I was brunette.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Unfortunately, that's just the way the world works.

[Caleb Heron]

God, that's so s. I'm sorry if I start crying because that is so sick.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

You shouldn't have to put up with that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I know.

[Caleb Heron]

Your hair color should not determine who.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You can love and what you can.

[Caleb Heron]

Say and what you can say. But it does be on stage.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It does.

[Caleb Heron]

And what Persona you can kind of live in on stage. That's sick.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I have noticed about my stand up that I can really only structure a set around a story about my life. Like, I can't when I try to sit down and write something that has nothing to do with something I've experienced when I'm just like, when I'm just looking at the news or just looking at a little thing I've noticed it all has to move through a story about me or I can't get there.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But I think that's a really beautiful way of structuring a show. And that's Why? I can't do that, really. I kind of do the opposite. I'm wondering where you get your news from when you're ready. The news.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, Breitbart, Fox. Yeah. Any of those good ones? Yeah. What?

[Mary Beth Barone]

YouTube.

[Caleb Heron]

YouTube? Yeah, any YouTube creator. If you've got. Yeah, if you've got a ring light. I'm listening. Twitter or Pardon X. Yeah, anything that Elon's reposting, I'm looking into.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah, he always very. He loves science and things and truth.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. He's a truthful guy. And definitely not, you know, the devil incarnate. No. Where am I actually getting my news? Probably genuinely Instagram. I'm on Insta stories, flicking through grids and posts and links, even. Links even, sometimes. What about you?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I got a subscription to the Atlantic, which I feel good about.

[Caleb Heron]

That's huge.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And the only reason I did is because they put our podcast in the top 25 podcasts of last year, and I couldn't take a screenshot if I didn't have a subscription, so I was like, what the hell? It's like journalism or whatever. And then I also subscribed to the New York Times, which I know is, like, controversial or something, but I do feel that I get a lot from it. So. Yeah, I just don't read the stuff that is, like, bigoted.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, that's good. I try not to. I don't really try to read the news much at all, actually. I try to avoid the news like a plague. I really try to avoid current events, and I can't. I'm somebody who does know what's going on.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Almost exclusively against my will.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm trying to be so ignorant to the world, I want to know nothing of what's going on. I would like to be a guy who you go, oh, my God, did you hear about the news that everyone talks about? And I go, whoa, What?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

But I'm not that guy. I am not such a man.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I feel the same. And I. I really sometimes just want to, like, unplug, but I can't.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm a current events diva.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I can't help it.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm walked in.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I do like to, like, I guess what I. Sometimes I think I'm informed on stuff, and then I talk to my siblings and I'm like, I actually have no idea what's going on, but sometimes they can give me, like, the spark notes of something that happened. And that's really helpful because then I can pass that on an even smaller sound bite to someone else.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And then they can. It continues to get smaller.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And then it's like what. What even did happen.

[Caleb Heron]

And you can pass it on to your children as well. Like you can really?

[Mary Beth Barone]

My dog.

[Caleb Heron]

That. Your dog? Yeah. That. That kind of information passing can live forever.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That's beautiful. And I just like how it morphs and changes, you know.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

What is fact?

[Caleb Heron]

Well, there is no truth. And I think that's been a beautiful development of the last 10 years. I think you're on board. Oh yeah. I think a post truth society is really going to serve us. I like that everyone lives in their own reality and thinks it's the only one. I think that's going really well for us.

[Mary Beth Barone]

No one more so than realtors, I would say.

[Caleb Heron]

Real God. Don't get me started. Well they're getting paid $20,000 to find someone an apartment on Zillow. These fucking criminals. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I know. Especially in New York. I don't know. Did you have a realtor when you found your place in New York?

[Caleb Heron]

Yes. You have to in la. No. Do you know what they have in la? Laws. And so you know when. If you use a broker and your apartments more than like 3,000amonth for the total. Like if you have roommates or whatever. For the total. The landlord has to pay the fees, the renters don't. Which makes sense, like a common sense protection that New York has. I'm like what are we doing?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I don't know. I guess there's just so many problems here that it's like we have to fix other stuff first.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Murder.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Murder. But is that getting better? I don't know.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't know what's going on with murder generally. I think it's down really overall. Like actually I do know from from like the 70s to now, violent crime. I guess I could be wrong. I really think I'm right about this chance. Tell me but I think violent crime is like way down in the last several decades. I think that's the truth. You know the. One of the most radicalizing things I ever learned. Most of them obviously were in college.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I very vividly remember reading and assigned reading in undergrad and I believe it was a history class. Might have been. Dr. Neely. Shout out. Dr. Neely. Love you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Can I ask where you went to school?

[Caleb Heron]

Missouri State.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I love that.

[Caleb Heron]

The Harvard of Southern Missouri. So anyway I read this thing in that class that was like. It was like an inverse, where it's like the people most afraid of crime are, like, suburban and rural white people who are the least likely to experience any of it. And all of our fucking policy decisions are based on the minds of these fucking psychosocial who. Many of whom I love and are people. I know. But I'm like, you're. We're basing our entire country system around you being afraid of things that don't even happen to you. They're these paranoid, like, freaks that are like, oh, the crime. It's like nothing happens to you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, nothing happens. And you probably don't even lock your doors.

[Caleb Heron]

You just go to. You just drive your Tahoe to your job and then you come home and nothing happens to you. And we're building a whole country around your paranoia.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, I. One of my. One of our co stars, Wally, was reading a book. She was on, like, page two, which. I love to catch someone at the beginning of reading a book.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Because then they're different at the end.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And it's something about. And I don't remember the title, but she said that most pharmaceutical drugs are. They don't test on women. They only test it on men.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And, like, women predict. I don't know, because, like, humans grow in women and evolution only happen because of, like, women or something.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But basically, it's like, why would you only test on. It's like, what you're saying. It's like we're basing all these decisions on, like, what's safe off of, like, a fraction of the population or the conditions that people actually live under. And I. It's just like. It's almost laughable where I'm like, how is this still happening? Like, it's just so stupid. It doesn't make any sense.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm feeling really, really bad right now. I. Straight up in this. I. Until this moment, I did not even know that women took medicine.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I had no clue. I thought y'all were just.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, if doctors had anything to say about it, we wouldn't.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They don't believe women's pain. And it's even worse for, like, women of color.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's like a whole thing.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. It just. I thought y'all were just freaking at raw style.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, we are very strong.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Mentally resilient and physically as.

[Caleb Heron]

What'd you find out about crime? Chance. So you actually are absolutely correct. It peaked in the late 80s under Reagan. Funny. And it has been steadily declining ever since. Wow.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You wouldn't know that, though.

[Caleb Heron]

You would not know that by the tone of things, well, this whole damn country is going to hell. Sorry. That's my catchphrase for your episode. Wait, we have a voicemail.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, my God. Cool.

[Caleb Heron]

From our fans. You want to listen?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Let's hear what they have to. What they're wondering about.

[Mary Beth Barone]

These headphones. Okay. We did it.

[Caleb Heron]

Enjoy.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thanks. So basically, I have this theory, it's a working theory where I believe that.

[Caleb Heron]

Cats are tuned into the frequency of telepathy.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So basically, like, all cats are telepathic and we as humans have the ability.

[Caleb Heron]

To tap into that, like, universal telepathy frequency on occasion.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And we do this all the time.

[Caleb Heron]

So let me know what your thoughts on that are. I love you. I love you, too. I want to ask our fans to stop smoking so much weed before they call.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That feels like LSD to me.

[Caleb Heron]

You think they're doing lsd? There's just something going on with my callers. They're not calling in. In a right state of mind. I love you. I'm deeply interested in your question, but do first. Okay, let me just say my take, which is that, no, I don't think that's true. I don't think cats are telepathic, and I don't think we can tap into telepathy with them. That's my take, if any. Here's what I'll say. Oh, boy, here I go stirring controversy on the pod again. Oh, gosh. I can just. I can just see the comments now. Here's the thing. Cats get a lot of credit that dogs deserve. Dogs are more intelligent and empathetic than cats, I think, on the whole, because I don't think that laziness is intelligent and cats are lazy. It's pathetic the way that cats are. The way they just lay around and literally, like, they just have no regard for anybody. They just like.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, they see a hair tie and they're like a toy.

[Caleb Heron]

That's a toy. You're an idiot. A dog knows that a ball is a toy. Like, I don't know. Like, I just think dogs have a loyalty and a playfulness in them. That. That's. The other thing is cats are ironically detached. They are ironic. They are detached. They are. It's a heady, intellectual sort of thing with them. But, like, dogs are smart enough to know that being dumb is fun. And they're playing with intelligence. They're playing with stupidity.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I agree. It's like when. When I act dumber as a blonde.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's to become more lovable.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And that's kind of the game dogs are playing at all times.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. And you're winning people over. You're bringing them in with like, oh, I'm like a blonde. And then they get to know you and it's like you've actually read books and stuff and you're actually a member.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Of the Atlantic, luring them in. Right, I'm a member of the Atlantic. You're board member of the Atlantic. I also think in the dog community, there's just. There's a lot more social politics, which I like. Like, right, there's nobody, like, defending different breeds of cats. There's no, like, violent cat breeds. There's no cat breeds that have been banned in the uk.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's like the dog community, they're like. They have. They're like main character energy. Cats are not.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, it's very.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And I know that because I used to have a. I used to have a joke about pit bulls and it did not go over well.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, pit bull people. Good Lord, you give these people a fucking inch. I mean, pit bull people, my God, they act like they've got. They act like we're having the civil war or something. Well.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, and by the way, my assumptions about pit bulls are just based on everything I know about them.

[Caleb Heron]

They're like, actually, you think pit bulls are violent? I'm like, yeah, well, I think I just saw three news stories about a kid getting mauled to death by one. So I. I don't know what you're tapped into that. I'm not. But, yeah, pit bulls are a little scary.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They're scary. And I do. I am sorry. Like, I'm sure there's a sweet one you'd come across every now and then. It's like the police to me. There's probably a few good apples. Pit bulls.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

If they're killing people, I don't want to hang out with them.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. And also, here's the thing about pitbull people. You tell me that a corgi is charging at you and a pit bull is charging at you. Trolley. Trolley problem. You can only. Okay, trolley problem. You're on a trolley. On one side there's an angry pit bull, on one side there's an angry corgi. Are you pulling the fucking lever or not, my friend? And I guarantee you go corgi every time. If we're playing a numbers game, don't play in my face about pit bulls. Or it's. It's about nurture, not nature that you're. You're. I'm sorry, there might be Some nice ones.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But overall, you people are gonna be so mad about that.

[Caleb Heron]

I know. I can't stop stirring controversy on this pod.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think it's good. It's healthy. Like, sometimes I see Robbie Hoffman tell jokes and I'm like, I wish I could just. Just stir the pot in that way. I don't think it. I don't think it's perceived the same. Because for me, my whole thing is about perception. Like, anyone can say anything. There's no, like, laws against that. But it's. How will it be perceived? And is it going to make people uncomfortable? And I feel like I wish I could toe the line a little bit more.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, you. Yeah, you. I think there are just certain identities and certain different things that we occupy. Like, Robbie occupies a very particular space where she can go to the margins.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And she doesn't care if people are mad.

[Caleb Heron]

Do you know who I. Who. Who do you think is our most fearless working comedian? Like, genuinely fearless. Not in the stupid, conservative way where they just say dumb shit and expect us to think they're brave. I'm talking, like, truly fearless because I know mine.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Say it.

[Caleb Heron]

Chris Fleming.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, my.

[Caleb Heron]

Chris Fleming.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I can't believe you just brought this up.

[Caleb Heron]

Chris Fleming is the most fearless, brilliant. I think Chris Fleming is genuinely the funniest living comedian that we have.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You know why? Because he just. He speaks on things and he doesn't care if there's repercussions. Like, he speaks on. On structures and like these. I'm trying to think of the word. It's like he. He came out against snl, which I think is very powerful.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, we're waiting on that movement, by the way. But he.

[Mary Beth Barone]

We never even talked about the fact. We screen tested together. Screen tested together. We did two summers ago.

[Caleb Heron]

And this could have been happening at 30 Rock.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It could. We can update.

[Caleb Heron]

But I missed. Oh, God. Actually, here's the thing. We would murder that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I know, but we would.

[Caleb Heron]

But we would never be changed.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I know. We could never be.

[Caleb Heron]

We could never be. Because there are founding fathers. But Chris also isn't cloying the way that so many comedians right now, especially in the age of the Internet, making and breaking careers, so many people are cloying at relatability. They're grasping for it. Anything that they think people will attach to Chris will go on stage and talk about something that he has. He will use words, phrases that people have never heard because he.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's the way he uses language to be funny.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

He is not using, like, lowest common denominator. Even topics. I would say yes. But then he'll say something about, like, a very mainstream project or, like, piece of media where I'm like, I wouldn't say that because if I did, I'd be scared that the people that made it would then hate me and I would never work. But it just seems like Chris has just, like, carved out this, like, space for himself where he can truly say anything about anything. And I really believe that.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And it's like, he's like Shakespeare.

[Caleb Heron]

He's a genius.

[Mary Beth Barone]

He's a genius.

[Caleb Heron]

And he's the exact. To me, he's the antidote of what I hate about the culture right now, which is like, this, like, boring, repeated garbage of, like, people just saying the same five words and being like, that's a big slay, mama, or whatever the fuck. I'm like, that can be fun sometimes to traffic in, but, like, when it's your only way of relating to people, which is a lot of younger comics right now. Oh, my God, you shouldn't be doing this art form. Or you should at least get better at it. But someone like Chris. Yeah. Just exists in his own. He's. He's a true original.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, so many comics these days are building their whole, like, I guess, presence around affectation.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Which is just. It's not that what they're saying is funny. It's that they're doing a little. A little accent, a little something. A little bit. Or they're using words like slay and like and whatever. And it's like, that's not. That's not like a voice. That's not a perspective.

[Caleb Heron]

Right. That's not a point of view.

[Mary Beth Barone]

A point of view. So I feel like if that's. If that's all you have is you're doing things in a funny little voice. Like maybe, like, read some more.

[Caleb Heron]

Right. And by the way, funny little voice is an excellent tool to deploy every once in a while. Here and there, funny little voice can be such a fun thing. But it's like, point of view and taste, I feel, are so dying slash dead. Like, at least on the. Definitely on the business side, taste is out. Taste and risk are so far out the window. These people, so many of them have no taste and take zero risks. But even on the artist side, I'm like. I do see a lot of, like, copycat carbon copy stuff because people are grasping at the relatability and the virality so that they can build a career, which I deeply understand. We're all implicated in it. But there is a Lack of point of view. Genuine, original point of view. What do you actually think?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Tell me one thing.

[Caleb Heron]

Tell me one thing.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And if you can't answer that to me in a conversation, how are you going to be a perfect. Like, I don't get it, because I just think, unfortunately, I feel like being a comedian now is what being a musician was in the 90s, where, like, it looks cool, sexy function, and, like, you can just sort of, like, hop into it and be successful. Which I'm just like, no, you have to, like, work at it. You have to refine your voice. You have to have something to say. Like, you can't just get up there and say, like, meaningless bullshit. I mean, you can. People go. I see people going viral online built on that alone. And good for you if you can get some money from it. I don't know if it has longevity. I don't know if you'll be happy and proud of, like, the body of work if you don't have a point of view. I just don't know, like, what drives you.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. And I also don't think that the body of work is a consideration for a lot of those people. I don't think they're thinking about a body of work. I don't think they're thinking about a piece. I think they think of the hour. They think of an hour of standup as, can I physically keep my body up here long enough to justify the ticket sales and move on to the next city so I can. They're like snake oil salesmen, really. They're like, can I take my wagon to the next town and scam those people? And how long can I keep this going without them realizing that the oil does nothing, but they don't view it as a piece. They don't think of themselves as trying to say or reveal something or speak any kind of truth about themselves or their place in the world? It's just like, can I string words together for an hour and make that ticket sales? And you know what? Many of them can.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And if you can get people to pay for it, then more power to you. But you're not my peer. You're not my peer.

[Caleb Heron]

You're not my peer.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You're not my peer.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, yeah, you're not my peer. But, you know who is my peer? Mary Beth Bron.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Caleb.

[Caleb Heron]

Mary Beth Bron is my peer. Mary Elizabeth Brown.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

I have a question for you. You know this podcast, Mary Beth? It's some. Well, we. 5 to 7 billion listeners a week, huge show.

[Mary Beth Barone]

The population of New York.

[Caleb Heron]

The population of New York, five to seven billion. Yeah. People love it, but they mostly love it because they want to know what's so true to you. And I'm asking you that here today.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Wow. So it can be anything.

[Caleb Heron]

Just what's so true to you? Just like whatever's. Whatever cross you would hill you would die on cross you bear. What's something that's so true to you?

[Mary Beth Barone]

So I'm glad you asked.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I've been thinking about this a lot.

[Caleb Heron]

Of course.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think future generations will view guns the way we view those medieval torture devices that ripped people apart limb from limb.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think the fact that people can buy a device that would kill someone instantly and that in our city there's a lot of people just walking around with them like on their hip will feel so alien to future generations because nobody should have that in at their fingertips.

[Caleb Heron]

You do agree we should have the right to them, though, right?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think. I think we should have a right to defend ourselves.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, I don't. I just don't. I'm just like. I think it's crazy and I think we need to just. It's. They shouldn't exist anymore. We have no. We can send emails now.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You don't need a gun anymore.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. An email can be so much worse than a bullet wound.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Agreed.

[Caleb Heron]

In fact, most I get feel like I've been shot.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And I understand why. You're a survivor.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. I've been through how many emails I've read and even by the way, almost unthinkably responded to only to receive another one. Sometimes instantly. Sometimes. Sometimes instantly. Do you ever wait to respond to an email for like two weeks, respond, and within minutes they've gotten back to.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Give you a new yellow thing at the bottom.

[Caleb Heron]

Good Lord. Showing Seymour one unread territory. Oh, God. But anyway, you were saying you love guns.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I love guns. I think we need more. No, I just feel like it's like I sort of get when war was more of a thing to accomplish something, which now I feel like it's not anymore. I get why guns were invented, but I just don't think we don't use bayonets anymore for a reason. We've evolved past that, but for some reason guns are sticking around. And I just really feel that in the future we're going to be appalled at the fact that. That anyone had them. I don't think most police officers want the. How have we not invented something that can stop someone in their tracks, that doesn't instantly kill them?

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, like an insult that feels like.

[Mary Beth Barone]

A huge market opportunity. Exactly. Gay guys have been using this for years.

[Caleb Heron]

Gay cops, or gay cops, law enforcement divas.

[Mary Beth Barone]

The perpetrators running away, you just say something that makes them stop dead in their tracks.

[Caleb Heron]

Something so cutting. A lot of people pretend to like you, but they're putting up with you. Mostly the criminal. The criminal just freezes, drops the big bags with money signs on them that they stole from the bank. That'd be awesome.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's worth a try.

[Caleb Heron]

Should we write a gay cop show where they replace guns with.

[Mary Beth Barone]

With insults, witticisms, with cunning remarks.

[Caleb Heron]

With cunning remarks. I, you know, oftentimes I. The most complicated political issues often find me boiling my politics down to like, oh, I'm a cha. I have a child. There's a. It makes me feel childish, you know, like I feel childish when I think about guns because I go, you do realize if we just took every gun that currently exists and melted it and then we never made any more, no one would ever get shot to death again. And I feel that. But that's so childish. And I know, I can hear the right wing response that. Where they're like, well, that's impossible. And I'm like, but the thing is, it's so deeply possible.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's so possible.

[Caleb Heron]

It's so deeply possible. And I think it's same thing with war. And I talked a little bit about this publicly, like when the, like, like last year in October, when the Israel, Palestine stuff really started coming back into the consciousness and a lot new people were tuning in, where I was like, you know, I feel childish, but like, I just wish war. I. Why are we doing war? Why? I don't. But it's like a childish thing to say, but it's like we could just not literally not do that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That's my thing.

[Caleb Heron]

There's no need for any of it. We could get rid of guns. We could also just give everyone a house. Like with another childish thing where you're like, oh, so there's just empty houses in apartments and buildings sitting all over New York. And then there's people who sleep on the streets in conditions that can kill them. Why? It makes no sense.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I, I agree.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm running.

[Mary Beth Barone]

This is why we're running. Well, I, I feel like, yeah, I don't know when that change will happen, but I do feel like people will just be, they'll be just stunned that we ever didn't do those things. Like, why are we. The war thing in 2024? I just can't wrap my mind Around. I cannot wrap my mind around it.

[Caleb Heron]

God, we are so brave.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I know.

[Caleb Heron]

Me and you sitting in this room.

[Mary Beth Barone]

We've done more than sitting at Headgum Studios talking about how we should get rid of melts. All guns.

[Caleb Heron]

Melt guns.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm so down, though.

[Caleb Heron]

Melt guns ahead. Guns.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I guess there's then people that will be like. What about people that, like, hunt for their food and stuff? But I don't know. Could we stop that too?

[Caleb Heron]

Didn't we do that before we had guns?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah, good point.

[Caleb Heron]

Sorry. I learned archery.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Become more skilled.

[Caleb Heron]

I literally learned archery as a kid. I actually. I know. I know that people can kill a turkey with a bow and arrow. I've seen it happen. It's actually literally.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That was one of your classes at Missouri State.

[Caleb Heron]

No, honey, this was elementary school. And I won an archery competition in summer school.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Why are you in summer school?

[Caleb Heron]

For fun. We were poor. Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So that's a camp, but different.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. So I know that you were going to try and do an angle where maybe I was, like, failing or stupid or something, but actually you'll be.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, I thought maybe you were teaching.

[Caleb Heron]

It was poverty.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. I don't know. I thought maybe they brought. I never thought it was because you were failing.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Just for the record, is that true?

[Caleb Heron]

You never. You never once considered that?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I wouldn't consider that for one single second. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

You see me, you know that I'm an academia diva.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I know. Well, it's just nice to talk to a smart person every once in a while.

[Caleb Heron]

Just once in a while.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's exhausting to do it all the time.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And that's why I'm so tired. But, yeah, it's. It's nice to. To do it.

[Caleb Heron]

It is nice to be around.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Feel those feelings. Also, when you're in. What is a better feeling than being in an echo chamber? Oh, my God.

[Caleb Heron]

Isn't that nice?

[Mary Beth Barone]

You say it and then they just say it right back.

[Caleb Heron]

They ring it back and you knew that they would. That's awesome. Being in a room where your opinion is the only one is amazing.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, that's all I want to do.

[Caleb Heron]

What's like church?

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's a lot like church.

[Caleb Heron]

That's why people go to church. It's just an echo chamber.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Were you raised in a religion?

[Caleb Heron]

Yes.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Tell me.

[Caleb Heron]

Christianity.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Which one?

[Caleb Heron]

Well, non denominational.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Okay. Progressive.

[Caleb Heron]

Which can. No, you wish. Non denominational. Really? Where I'm from is the word for we don't care about a lot of stuff other than the money. And so there's like A cool big band, but it's like, still, they're, you know, they're, they're Christian. With it, it was fine. I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't as conservative as like, of course, like deep, deep Southern Baptists or something. But the ideas were all still floating around in there.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Something I've been thinking about doing is registering as a church so I don't have to pay taxes and then I can donate money to causes that I think are important instead of militarizing the country further. I don't know if that's something you've.

[Caleb Heron]

Thought about, but I actually legitimately am not kidding. I've thought about this a lot. And I want people to know that when I do eventually find a way to make my whole thing a religion, it won't be because I'm trying to have like a cult where people hurt themselves or anything. It will be exclusively to evade taxes. Because here's the thing. I love paying taxes in theory.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Me too.

[Caleb Heron]

I genuinely love giving a portion of my money to the government under the understanding that they're going to take care of people with it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They don't.

[Caleb Heron]

But when they're just giving guns to other countries to kill people, I'm like, I don't want to give you my money. Then I'd like mine back. Yeah, I want you to deduct like 5 AR15s from what you just did and send that check back to me.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Even bombs.

[Caleb Heron]

Like, even bombs. Well, that part I'm actually cool with. But I. No kidding. No, I'm kidding. I don't like those either, but I do. You know, it's funny, when I was growing up, I started like in high school experimenting with like my political ideas. And I would be like, I think I'm, I think I'm liberal and I think I don't like, I don't mind paying taxes. I was like, I think taxes are a good thing. And at every stage of my life, conservative people in my life older than me have told me for different reasons, you'll feel differently someday. And they go, they go, oh, when you get a job, you'll feel differently. And then I got a job and I didn't feel differently. And then they're like, well, when you get a real job, because I was a server, that's by the way. They were like, when you get it, when you make real money, you'll feel different. And then I got a full time job in Chicago, you know, and then they're like, well, when you're a little older, and then now I'm older and I make more money than all of them combined. And I'm like, I still don't feel differently. The only thing that's changed is I feel. I feel more and more certain that people with money have a responsibility to pay their part. And I feel more and more pissed off that it's not happening. That's all.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And just corporations not paying.

[Caleb Heron]

Right. I don't understand that. How are they getting out of it? How am I paying more tax as an individual than some companies? Crazy.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's crazy. But we'll. We'll circumvent that eventually become a church.

[Caleb Heron]

Our church would be so actually good.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It'd be so fun.

[Caleb Heron]

What would. What do you think would be some of the tenants, like, first of all, relax.

[Mary Beth Barone]

First of all, relax. Number one, she'll diva to be nice to people.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Three, just, like, I don't know.

[Caleb Heron]

They're not deserving.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, but that's when you get into, like, 2A, 2B, 2B, 2HB. Well, that's why you need to have some sort of document with, like, guiding principles.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But I also think just, like, give people the benefit of the doubt. To me, that's an important one.

[Caleb Heron]

You need to earn your contempt.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And also, like, take pride in your work. That's something I've talked about on my podcast.

[Caleb Heron]

Take some pride in your work.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Whatever that. Whatever that looks like to you.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Because a lot of people aren't doing that.

[Caleb Heron]

They're missing that part. That piece has gone missing.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But I think just like, love.

[Caleb Heron]

Love.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Do you know what I mean?

[Caleb Heron]

Well, that is the thing I can get down with about any religion when the people are just doing love with it. I'm like, that's. Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's just unfortunate how much of that gets, like, lost.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

When it's. When it's like an organized religion. I don't know, there's just, like. I feel like there's just corruption whenever there's an opportunity for people to gain power.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So in our church, maybe we don't have, like, a hierarchical structure.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, obviously, it'll be you and I, like, sort of at the helm. Like, we'll be making a lot with.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Some peons underneath that do our bidding.

[Caleb Heron]

Right. Big. You and I and our hinge people. But then other than that, it'll be, like, very, like, low.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, and then you can pay to get to different levels, of course. Right, right.

[Caleb Heron]

And eventually there'll be restrictions on who sleeps with who and things like that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But which one of us is Going to go missing you. I feel. It feels a little trite, to be honest, for the woman to go missing.

[Caleb Heron]

Totally. It's played out. But in the same way, I think if I went missing, the community. Community would just not be able to go on.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That's fair. It's fair. It's fair. It's about. See, it's how. It's about compromise.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. So what would you want from me in return? So you're gonna go missing when someone needs to go missing.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I think that's fair. What do you need from me back?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Just like, just don't let the. Don't let. Don't get drunk with power because you'll have no one checking and balancing you.

[Caleb Heron]

I cannot promise that. Is there something else I could do for you? Just because you know me, like, the power might. I just want to be totally transparent at all times. Like, the power might go to my head.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Do you feel like when you. Do you feel like when you reach the, like, the top of your success, which you'll stay out for a really long time, are you going to become a monster?

[Caleb Heron]

I actually think if we're being genuine, the funny answer is yes. But the genuine answer is I think that the second I get. I think I'm. I think I'll go away. I think I'll go away.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You're going to pull a Dave Chappelle, come back totally transphobic.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes. Yeah. Well, I'm transphobic now, so I think going away will only build that resolve in me.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Right.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. I'm gonna come back and be more transphobic than I am now. I always love trans people. I think, as I do now, but I think shout out to trans people. I know many of you keep the lights on here on the so True podcast. I know. I do think I'll go away. I think it'd be really powerful to go. I've been on a big. People are tired of hearing me say at this point, but I've been on a big. Let us miss you kick.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But what I. What I would strongly encourage you to do is first get an overall deal at a streamer so that while you're gone and creating nothing, you're still getting paid every year.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, that's the incredible thing about overall deals is you don't have to make it anything. You barely have to think of anything. People get these overall deals and do nothing.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They just go on vacation. I don't know.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't know. Every once in a while I think they go, hey, what about two teenagers that are vampires? And they go to, you know, driving school or something. And then the network goes, no. And then they go, why? Still want my check? And the network goes, we have no choice.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, it's contractual.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Which is beautiful.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think it's beautiful.

[Caleb Heron]

I love contract.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. I love them when. Cuz. When you can get out of them.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Well, I love contracts that benefit me. And I hate them when they restrict.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Totally agree. You know, Completely agree.

[Caleb Heron]

Would you do a prenup if you got married soon?

[Mary Beth Barone]

No.

[Caleb Heron]

Really?

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, I don't think so.

[Caleb Heron]

I will.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You will?

[Caleb Heron]

Yes. Prenup for sure.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Really?

[Caleb Heron]

Prenup for sure? Absolutely.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You don't think it, like, means something, like, negative?

[Caleb Heron]

I think something negative would be you taking all my money. I think something negative would be splitting the house. No, I think, look, I love you. I'm sure we'll be in love, whoever I get married to. But I think, you know, I'm not. But here's the deal. I'm not gonna ask you to stay home with the kids or anything either. Feel free to go work.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Sure.

[Caleb Heron]

Feel free to go work. You can stay in our house. I'll get us a nice one.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Right.

[Caleb Heron]

But, you know, it's. If we. If we divorce.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, what would be great is to marry someone who makes the same amount or more, I would say.

[Caleb Heron]

And here's what I'll tell you. If I married someone who was far wealthier than me, which I don't see happening. I've been looking. I haven't found one. But if I married someone who's. I would. I would. I would. I would like to send a prenup as well. I would still like to send a prenup. I would tell them because I would trust. Here's what I would trust. If I married someone that had less of a financial situation of stability or whatever than me, then if we were divorced, I would like to trust that we would get divorced in a way where I would still take care of them.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Totally.

[Caleb Heron]

You know, I would help out. I wouldn't be a psycho about it. And I would like to think the op. It would work in the opposite way, too. But I love the prenup. I think the prenup is a beautiful piece of contract.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Interesting.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. It's one of my favorite contracts.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I want to know more about the history of restraining orders and who. Who wrote the first one? Who threw the first brick? No, not yet. I think I will. I really see that for myself in the future.

[Caleb Heron]

Absolutely. I'd love to. I think it'd be very, very Fun for you to take a restraining order out against me.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It just. As a stunt.

[Caleb Heron]

Like, as a stunt, like, to have it in the news or something.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, how cool is it to say, like, legally, don't come near me?

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. What's like, don't invite Mary Beth. I can't come if you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Unfortunately, there is, like, legalese.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

To say that we cannot be in the same place.

[Caleb Heron]

There's paperwork. Her lawyers can collaborate with the law.

[Mary Beth Barone]

With the law, with the conspirators up at the courthouse.

[Caleb Heron]

The courthouse. To say I can't go around her. That is pretty baller.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's pretty. Like. I mean, I hate that it even. What's crazy to me about the concept of it is that it even needs to exist. Like, if I tell you not to come near me, you just shouldn't do it. Like, just don't.

[Caleb Heron]

Don't come over here.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Why. Why do I need a legal document that says you can't touch me or, like, come near me? That's crazy. You're insane.

[Caleb Heron]

It's really nuts that you can involve the government in a conversation that's like, I don't want to hang out anymore. You could just go to the government, be like, he can't hang out with me anymore. And they go, absolutely no stamp approved. They go, that's right. They go, yes, Diva. That's the. Stay away from her.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And how. Like, I want to know who did the first one. Like, was it a man against a woman? A woman against a man? What was the. What was their dynamic?

[Caleb Heron]

I think we can say with almost. Can I tell you something? In every universe, in every timeline, from 10,000ft away, I know it was a woman taking one out against a man. There's no chance that gender was being.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Played with, but how would the courts, whenever that was, like, ever take a woman's side? That's the only thing I get hung up on is, like, to take to. To tell a man he can't do something so that a woman can. Maybe it was to a man taking it out against a man over, like, a plot of land. You know what I mean? That's probably the most likely.

[Caleb Heron]

Could have been a girl judge. Yeah, Judge Diva. Not Judge Diva on the bench.

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, Judge Diva, she's really harsh.

[Caleb Heron]

Judge Diva.

[Mary Beth Barone]

She in her stilettos.

[Caleb Heron]

She looks out for girls.

[Mary Beth Barone]

She. Her. Her. Her robes. Gown is snatched.

[Caleb Heron]

Snatched. Yeah. Yeah, mostly. Usually they're loose. Hers is cinched.

[Mary Beth Barone]

What's corseted?

[Caleb Heron]

Judge Diva has a cor. And Louboutins. Judge Diva in a corset.

[Mary Beth Barone]

These is red bottoms in a Miu Miu skirt. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

A corseted gown and a Miu Miu skirt.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Skirt.

[Caleb Heron]

Judge Diva NBC.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Judge Diva coming to NBC Tuesday nights, Sundays at 7.

[Caleb Heron]

Sundays at 7. Sundays at 7. Judge Diva from the twisted minds of.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Mary Beth Barone and Caleb Heron and Ryan Murphy.

[Caleb Heron]

Right, right, of course.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, anything a gay guy comes up with is automatically IP of Ryan Murphy. Did you not know that?

[Caleb Heron]

No, no, I knew that. I just hope that. I guess I thought maybe we could. No, that's. You guys are going to do such a good job on that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I mean, you'll be involved, but.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

As like a more silent sort of creative partner. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

That's awesome. I didn't even feel passionately about Judge Diva at all either, so that's nice.

[Mary Beth Barone]

What's crazy is that that is such a bad idea, but.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, not me. Not me calling. Not me calling Annapurna execs and saying, hey, we've got something.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, that's the thing. That's probably the thing we could take out that would, like, finally get greenlit, you know what I mean? It's like the producers. Remember that movie Slash play the producer.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, Nathan Lane, where they, like, gotta be. Gotta be top gay guy, by the way.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, one in top five.

[Caleb Heron]

Gotta be one of the top gay guys we've ever done. When they dropped Nathan Lane, they did gay guys good.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I know, and I'm thankful.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And I. You know what? So I have. Well, no, we don't have to get into that. I don't want to. I don't want to do anything more controversial stuff, but.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, here's something I'll tell you. I auditioned. Nathan Lane has a new show, and I auditioned to play their hot young houseboy. Now, surely when I got the sides, I said, hey, y'all. Just wanted to check in on what I'm certain they're expecting. And they said, no, they're looking for funny. And I said, well, I've heard that lie enough, but I'll audition anyway. And of course, of course, when the casting came out, I looked at the guy and I was like, yeah, well, yeah, it wasn't ever good. What are you talking about? They were looking for funny. Okay, here's a question for you. Top three things you do to fix the world. Go.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Okay, first of all, I think no more weapons, right?

[Caleb Heron]

All weapons.

[Mary Beth Barone]

All weapons gone.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think we should have a cap on wealth.

[Caleb Heron]

Right?

[Mary Beth Barone]

And. Yeah, sorry. And I mean, it could be really high.

[Caleb Heron]

I just don't. I hate that Because I don't think I'll get anywhere close to it. I just think, yeah, rich people work.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Really hard, especially when they've inherited the wealth.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And then I guess the third thing would be, like, everybody gets. Like, everybody gets a home. That would be. I think my. Those would be my three big things. I guess, right now. I mean, I'm sure there's a bunch of other really worthy things, too. But what about you?

[Caleb Heron]

I would do probably chicken wings for breakfast. Yeah, everyone can do chicken wings for breakfast. Spicy even. Because our stomachs in my. When I. Oh, I guess so. I would do Stomachs can handle anything. That'd be my number one. Stomachs can handle anything. We would do the technology about that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And then we would do the technology about that.

[Caleb Heron]

We would do the technology about Stomachs can handle it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

If you think I'm not going to come on this podcast and hold you accountable, you're wrong.

[Caleb Heron]

No, I don't. I do think you will. I've always. You're an accountability diva.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Continue.

[Caleb Heron]

Right, So I would. Do we do technology for stomachs to handle anything, Number one. Number two, we do chicken wings for breakfast.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

You can have spicy chicken wings for breakfast.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Because you can't have that without the first one.

[Caleb Heron]

Right. Because if you do chicken wings for breakfast and you haven't done the technology for stomachs, everyone will be feeling ill and not good, and they'll just start your day very, like, bloated and not feeling well.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Cranky, even.

[Caleb Heron]

Cranky. So it's. Yeah, we do technology about stomachs and then we do chicken wings for breakfast. And then the third thing would probably. I would end racism.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Fuck.

[Caleb Heron]

I just don't like it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That's such a good one that I forgot.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't like it. I've never understood it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That's crazy that you would put me in a position right now to have to backpedal.

[Caleb Heron]

It was really weird that you didn't bring it up because I was, like, in your list. I expected to see it. But, yeah, I would definitely just get rid of it because I've never fucked with it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. So your list was really cool, though. I loved yours.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, my fourth thing would be no new comedians, actually. I think we just have enough right now. Let's see how everyone fares.

[Caleb Heron]

I think a stopgap. I think a couple years where we closed the moratorium. Yeah. We shut down the border for, like, two or three years. See how many people make it with what we got going on now and then. Yeah, maybe we open it back up Maybe we don't.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, we open it back up with rigorous paperwork.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And if you don't want to do the paperwork, then I guess you don't want to be a comedian that way.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, if you don't want to do the contracts. Yeah, do the contracts. Or don't. It's up to you. Something to think about.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's definitely something. If you wouldn't be willing to fill out some paperwork, I feel like you shouldn't be a comedian.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, people shouldn't be coming to the stage to see you. I. Marybeth, I have a segment for you. This is a true false segment.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

Okay. I'm going to read you 15 statements. Whoa. And you're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think each one is true or false.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Do you tell me what the correct answer is or no?

[Caleb Heron]

I do. Afterwards.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

And you know what? Someone said that we should have guests do say so. True. Because that would be like the brand.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Wow, someone's giving you notes.

[Caleb Heron]

They do.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I hope it was the guy that owns the place.

[Caleb Heron]

Let me tell you, it's not. Let me tell you something about my fans. They feel very empowered. They feel very empowered to tell me what they think should be going on.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, I hate to victim blame, but that is your fault.

[Caleb Heron]

I know I created Community and I did not mean to. It was literally an act. Accident. But I accidentally created warm community for these people. And 15 statements, as quickly as you can, you're gonna tell me if you think they're true or so. True or false.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm not gonna hesitate. By the way.

[Caleb Heron]

By the way, I want you to lock in. And if you get 10 or more correct. Mary Beth, I'm gonna give you 50 US dollars.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Let's go.

[Caleb Heron]

Let's go. Cabbage is technically a tree nut.

[Mary Beth Barone]

False.

[Caleb Heron]

False. The WWE is headquartered in Stamford, Connecticut.

[Mary Beth Barone]

True.

[Caleb Heron]

True. A single litter of kittens can have more than one father.

[Mary Beth Barone]

False.

[Caleb Heron]

True. Rugrats is the longest running American animated series.

[Mary Beth Barone]

False.

[Caleb Heron]

False. It's Simpsons. Simpsons. Bob Ross was a military drill sergeant.

[Mary Beth Barone]

True.

[Caleb Heron]

True. NASA has discovered trees on the moon.

[Mary Beth Barone]

False.

[Caleb Heron]

False. A giraffe's heart is two feet long.

[Mary Beth Barone]

A what?

[Caleb Heron]

A giraffe's heart is two feet long dot True. True. Yankee Doodle is the state song of Connecticut.

[Mary Beth Barone]

True.

[Caleb Heron]

True. LeBron James went to UCLA.

[Mary Beth Barone]

False.

[Caleb Heron]

False. He didn't go to college. A cockroach can live for nine days without its head.

[Mary Beth Barone]

False.

[Caleb Heron]

True. Forrest Gump was a real person.

[Mary Beth Barone]

False.

[Caleb Heron]

False. The Statue of Liberty was a gift to the US From France.

[Mary Beth Barone]

True.

[Caleb Heron]

True. There's no such thing as a straight line.

[Mary Beth Barone]

True.

[Caleb Heron]

True. You're giving easy ones chance. A lightning bolt is five times hotter than the surface of the sun. A lightning bolt is five times false. That's true. Uma Thurman.

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, it's not.

[Caleb Heron]

I got her. See, I threw off. Uma Thurman's mother co founded Bass Pro Shops.

[Mary Beth Barone]

True.

[Caleb Heron]

False. How many did you get? 11. I'm the smartest woman alive. You are really smart. But I'll say I gotta look mad at Chance. When I got to the Statue of Liberty was a gift from France.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. That seems crazy.

[Caleb Heron]

Two year olds know that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. It's one of those things.

[Caleb Heron]

You're smart.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You know the things you always remember, like that it was copper, but it turned green because of the water or whatever. And by the time they finished washing it, it would be green again.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. So there really. There was a weird amount. It's like so funny the things they don't teach us.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But then I know that till my grave.

[Caleb Heron]

I'll know that forever. Like they didn't teach us like anything about Native Americans. That was true. But the Statue of Liberty, they like made sure we got. They're like they were shipped over on a boat. France would give it as a gift.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's really impressive that they color.

[Caleb Heron]

Is this because of this? Like, really? They go in on that one?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. Well, it's something to celebrate, I guess.

[Caleb Heron]

Number one, Statue Liberty. Number one, Statue Liberty. Is that your number one?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I don't. I would say my statue knowledge isn't enough to have a favorite.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Do you get that?

[Caleb Heron]

Absolutely.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I love that it's in the New York harbor and that like people. It's like so iconic.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

As far as statues go, I guess the Jesus in Rio is pretty iconic.

[Caleb Heron]

Big.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But only because it was in Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet.

[Caleb Heron]

Right.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Not because of the religious aspects.

[Caleb Heron]

There's an artist called Botero that does fat people and he makes. He does paintings and statues and I love his little fat people. They make me laugh. They're just cute.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I love Dali as well. Salvador Dali.

[Caleb Heron]

Thank you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

The lip couch and everything.

[Caleb Heron]

Of course.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm just thinking of artists that I know, but I do. We went to the Salvador Dali museum in Italy when I was a kid and it really stuck with me.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, you're Italian. Irish Catholic.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I am.

[Caleb Heron]

These are a couple things about you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Didn't get to them in the episode though, huh?

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, we had a lot of other things to discuss.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, we had to talk.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And guns.

[Caleb Heron]

And guns. Yeah. Which you're very pro.

[Mary Beth Barone]

The thing. I'm pro. I want more.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

The things that. The thing is, I think people. Well, maybe people do expect me to talk about serious stuff. If you know me well enough, you know that I have a lot on my mind. Yeah, but it's not all fun and games.

[Caleb Heron]

It's not all fun and games in your head. I've. I've briefly spent some time in there and I have been horrified by what I found. You're dealing with a lot of demons.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Not a lot of people could handle it and just be like, smiling the way that I am. Ear to ear.

[Caleb Heron]

The way you spread joy despite having so many demons is very inspiring.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm very proud of you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I just wanna show that it's possible.

[Caleb Heron]

Anything is possible. I mean, you think about it. The word impossible in itself, it says right there, I'm possible. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Mary Beth, tell the people where to find you, please. So sorry.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm going to pee in my pants.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't know why, like multiple times during this episode, I took on like a person, like an interview guy Persona, which I don't think I've done before, but you just inspired it to me. Tell people where to find you. I'm so serious.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You can find me all over social media. I'm on Instagram, tick tock at Marybeth Barone and I have a YouTube channel where I post every few months.

[Caleb Heron]

And you are. You have a podcast called Ride with Benny.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, I have a podcast called Ride the Pod and then I'll be on tour.

[Caleb Heron]

You'll be on tour. And your indie movie is coming out next year.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Next in like two weeks or two weeks.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, this. This month it'll be out probably. When this comes out, you guys go find Mary Beth everywhere. We just love her. We love you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thanks for having me. What a joy.

[Caleb Heron]

What a treat.

[Mary Beth Barone]

What a pleasure. That was a headgum podcast.

[Caleb Heron]

Hey everyone, I'm Dan Licata. And I'm Nick Nanny. And we are the host of Chicken Padme now on Head Gum. It's the very first podcast for and about Italian Americans. That's right. But if you're not Italian American, you can listen to. I guess I suppose we can let you in. Cut you a deal. We're talking about all sorts of crazy topics on this. Who's a better cook, Nonna or Mama? Who you got in that fight, Nona or Mama? I mean, I can't say bad about. No, no, she smacked me across head. We got some great guests on the show. We got Wayne diamond, we got Edie Modica, we got Mike Hanford and our wife. Severely so. Subscribe to Chicken Parmesan on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Thursday.