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Caleb
I'm calling all K Lebrities, K Lesbians and Truthers. We're conducting an audience survey at GUM FM Sotrue, and we want to hear from you so we can keep making content you love. You know this. We know this. Look, there's ads on our podcast. Sue me. Sometimes the product might not be for you, but I know you all still diligently watch each ad from start to finish because you all just love supporting the show so much, huh? We want to improve that experience, but in order to do this, we need to know a little more about you, our audience, or as I like to call you, our family. I know you're all lovely, kind, mentally well people, but the more details I have, the better experience we can provide for you, my family. The survey is a quick, easy and free way to support this podcast, which we would just appreciate so very much. It'll take you two minutes, and you'll be helping us out so much by doing it. What's two minutes to help out your favorite gay podcasts. Or as I like to call me, your family. We actually do want you guys to do this. This is actually something I asked us to do. It's the survey. You're going to tell them what kind of ads you like and don't like and when you do it. If there's an option to say we love when Caleb's silly with it, put that in there. Go to Gum FM SoTrue to fill out our audience survey. That's G U M FM S O T R U E Love ya. This is a Headgum podcast.
Molly
My dad was a councilman.
Caleb
I know he was.
Molly
He's still alive. He just isn't one anymore.
Caleb
Yeah. And what are his two best friends names?
Molly
This is when he was a construction worker. Rock and roll in big city. Yeah, I've known him my whole life. Rock and roll in big city.
Caleb
Do you. Is it okay on the episode if we tell people my really funny joke? When you were over at my place?
Molly
Absolutely. Because I was thinking we could talk about that because.
Caleb
Okay.
Molly
I haven't really been doing.
Caleb
Will you tell. Will you tell people my really funny joke? I was really proud of it.
Molly
Wait, right now?
Caleb
Yeah, sure. Oh, we're rolling. Oh, yeah. Oh, I meant to change my shirt.
Molly
Go do it.
Caleb
No, I'll just.
Molly
You want to switch?
Caleb
I'll just wear the same shirt.
Molly
I wish.
Caleb
I wish. That's a cute shirt.
Molly
Thank you so much.
Caleb
No, you can tell people my favorite. Guys. I just. We recorded the episode on. We record this multiple episodes on A day I'm wearing the same shirt.
Molly
I'm sorry. He's working, man.
Caleb
Yeah. My goodness.
Molly
Good God.
Caleb
We'll put him out. Space him out anyway.
Molly
Yeah, yeah, we'll space them out. Don't put them together.
Caleb
Sorry. You really wanted to tell people my funny joke, didn't you?
Molly
Oh, I did. I did. I. I called Caleb to hang out, and I was like, hey, I'm getting top surgery on Monday. And he goes, oh, my God, I'm getting top surgery on Monday.
Caleb
They were.
Molly
They were really took. Took the heat right off. I go, oh, right, Great.
Caleb
Well, you. My couch. They were on my couch really being like, yeah, man. I'm just like, I've got a lot of my mind. Like, I'm, you know, I have top surgery on Monday, and they're, like, kind of confiding in me. I was confiding, and then I go, oh, my God, this is humiliating. I. I'm getting top surgery on Monday. And then. And then we laugh.
Molly
Who's your doctor?
Caleb
We laugh for a while. And then I go, are you going bigger or smaller?
Molly
It was that. It was the night cap of it. And you put a little hat on.
Caleb
That really good one. What do you think? You regret it?
Molly
I regret. Her and her.
Caleb
Her and him.
Molly
Her and him.
Caleb
Mr. And Miss.
Molly
No, I'm feeling great. Six weeks out yesterday. You look great, honey. Titless and full of joy.
Caleb
Flat as a board.
Molly
Thank you. How much? A charcuterie Board, baby.
Caleb
Flat as a board. I want to eat sushi off my bosom.
Molly
Oh, my flat chest.
Caleb
My flat chest.
Molly
I will say when I. When I. So when I've been healing, you know, I got my nipples. Some people don't, but I. I was like, wow, they are really spread apart. But that's because they're the. The masculine chest.
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
They line them up with your clavicle. You know, I'm learning this. I should have done more research.
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
Before you, but I got to have a nightmare that my nine nipples were, like, all over my body, and I would, like, find one on my knee, my belly. But.
Caleb
Well, they're doing that to kids now in schools there. You send your kid to school, their nipples are where they're supposed to be. They come home with it on their knee.
Molly
They go, whoa, whoa.
Caleb
It's sick in the.
Molly
In.
Caleb
The radical left is enabling it.
Molly
The pigments.
Caleb
The pigments are the pigments off a really informed transphobe. Well, when you get your nipples done, you need to make sure the pigment's right and make sure you want Them placed in the right place. They're gonna place.
Molly
Or you want it more centered?
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
Feminine.
Caleb
Golly. Golly. These Frankenstein doctors, they're coming for our kids. Putting their nipples on their knee.
Molly
I mean, they were. They were using marker and stuff, like, lining them up. I was like, wow, they kind of have to be good at math, too.
Caleb
You were awake.
Molly
Well, honey, I was. I go, don't put me down. I want to be there for it.
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
I didn't know that you. You technically pass away during anesthesia.
Caleb
Pardon?
Molly
They put you. My mom's like, oh, yeah. I didn't tell you want to tell you that till after. I'm like. Because my mom's a retired nurse. She was there for me the whole time.
Caleb
Your mom's a icon.
Molly
She isn't she? Margaret, you're an icon.
Caleb
She and I text, by the way.
Molly
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Caleb
Did she tell you that she and I started texting during your aftercare because we were, you know, in communication about, you know, how annoying you were being. Yeah. And. No, I'm kidding. We were just talking about what. What was needed. And we've continued to text.
Molly
Well, Caleb did come over and set up my Xbox when I was belly up.
Caleb
I did.
Molly
I did not know. I was like. I was trying to connect it to the refrigerator. I was like, this is not. There's no power going into this thing.
Caleb
You messed it up pretty bad.
Molly
Yeah, I did. I did.
Caleb
I had to get to work over there.
Molly
I did. But no. Yeah, but my mom told me that you. When they put you. And this is probably like, smart people listening probably know this, but they put you. Anesthesiologist. Is that how the anesthesiology.
Caleb
You got it. Anesthesiologist. Yeah.
Molly
They put you. They put you out cold. They're breath. They get paid so much because they're making. They're making you breathe.
Caleb
They're making you breathe.
Molly
You're. You're a corpse.
Caleb
That's crazy.
Molly
And when I went down under, it was terrifying. It was like they put me in the little booties and they walked me down this hall like Grey's Anatomy style. And then the nurse just knocked on the door. I'm like, what is this, like a hotel room? Like, there was like. I'm like, how many rooms are there? She's like, there's 10 surgical rooms. And I go, you're just picking the one. You're just picking a random door. So we go in there, and then there's this chair. There's this, you know, flat thing with like, arms that go out, and I'm.
Caleb
Like, that's an operating table.
Molly
Yeah, but it. But, hon, it looked like. Shaped like my body for me. It looked. It was, like, built for me.
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
And I lay down, and I'm just like, sweet Lord. And I was less nervous, and I just took a deep breath, and then the nurse started patting my leg.
Caleb
Why? Sorry. Sorry.
Molly
It was comforting.
Caleb
Oh, it was nice. Because I probably thought you meant, like, a med in a medical way.
Molly
I probably. I had. I had. Probably had the fear of God in me. I was like. I was like. I probably didn't breathe for, like, 30 seconds. She's like. And next thing you know, I'm waking up, and I'm telling all the nurses that they're pretty.
Caleb
Yeah, that's. That's.
Molly
Well, that's why I didn't get my wisdom teeth out for over a decade.
Caleb
Yeah, I've got to do that soon.
Molly
Do you really?
Caleb
I. Wisdom teeth? Y. Oh.
Molly
Why didn't you get them out?
Caleb
They're in there, and they're rotten. They need to go.
Molly
Are you serious?
Caleb
They're not rotten, but they're. They're just in there, and they need to go. They're not.
Molly
There's, like, a green gas coming out.
Caleb
No, they. They need to go. I have to get my wisdom teeth out. I hate. I hate dentists. I hate surgery. I had surgery when I was 16 years old, or maybe 15. I had a knee surgery from football.
Molly
Big boy football.
Caleb
Not. Not a sport that we should probably be letting our children play. Huh? But, yeah, I had to have a. A knee surgery and had to go under, and it was scary. And they make you. They do all that stuff right beforehand. I'm 15. They do all that stuff beforehand when they're like, smoke. Where they're like, oh, that. And then they're like. They're like. And then just sign here. There's 10 chance that you'll die in surgery, not, you know, 1% chance that the tube will go down, we won't be able to get it back out, and you'll choke to death, you know? And I'm like. I'm like, mom.
Molly
And your mom's a nurse, too.
Caleb
Mom's a nurse, and she's like. She's like, it's not gonna happen.
Molly
Yeah, you're fine. You're fine.
Caleb
Yeah, that's scary stuff, brother.
Molly
The 1% wasn't 1%.
Caleb
Hey. And the happen. And it happens to people. That's crazier things have happened.
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
How did we meet? Do you remember what's our origin story?
Molly
I think we were trying to meet in Chicago when we were, like, in 2020. 2026.
Caleb
2026. I think it was 2034 when we linked up. I think it was in New Chicago.
Molly
Knock it off. Knock it off. It was 20. 2016 or 2017.
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
And we met at, like, I.O. and I was like, who is this funny man?
Caleb
Who is this funny? They.
Molly
And I was doing, like, stand up, and you were doing zip. Zap. Zap.
Caleb
Improv.
Molly
Improv. Yeah. Yeah. And then. Then you asked me. We were like, we should get some lunch.
Caleb
Yeah. We went to Tanuki.
Molly
The.
Caleb
Off the Brown. Off the Wellington. Brown.
Molly
That's. Yes. Right by my. That was our.
Caleb
Like, we met. We had a writing meeting.
Molly
We had a writing meeting and a Japanese restaurant. Yes. Yeah. Because, you know, where else would we go?
Caleb
And guess what? I have some of the things we wrote.
Molly
You don't. You don't.
Caleb
Yes, I do.
Molly
I thought I deleted that.
Caleb
We were. We were trying. We were trying to come up with sketches for us to do.
Molly
We were like, big boy and another big boy walking down the street.
Caleb
Two big boys. The first one. I'm not even kidding. The first one is just. Were cops. Question mark. That's where we were.
Molly
That was probably mine. You'll be able to tell which one's mine. Which one's Caleb's.
Caleb
This is even better. Were news anchors reading headlines. And we're just exhausted by all of it. No real point of view. We're just tired to. To write a sketch where the premise is that you have no point of view. Not good.
Molly
No, no, no.
Caleb
Bouncers at a club. And I'm trying to wingman for you with cute girls. That was where I was going to try and get you. Cute girls.
Molly
I thought I was going to. I thought that's the one I wrote.
Caleb
No.
Molly
Probably weren't out then.
Caleb
No. We dress exactly alike. Into a twin segment that.
Molly
That. That might have been mine.
Caleb
That was you. We are hockey players. Question mark.
Molly
That definitely. The question marks are definitely me. I'm like, expand on that. Caleb, do a little work, will you?
Caleb
This one says we do a commercial for our apple orchard, but we keep saying things like, we promise the big accident hasn't had any impact on the apples.
Molly
That one has the most. That one has the most points.
Caleb
Oh, I found one. That's definitely you. We host the Cleveland Browns fan show, and it's just a bunch of jokes and stories about how we love the Browns.
Molly
Oh, God, that's tough. That's. This Is tough. It's tough Community.
Caleb
This one's highlighted. It says brother and sister who run a their family's taxidermy business.
Molly
Oh, yeah, I was very upset.
Caleb
That actually has stuffed legs. This one says UPS drivers who have a side business where they take lost packages and sell them on the Dark Web, aka eBay or whatever.
Molly
Getting good.
Caleb
Yeah. That was you. They're getting good, cuz they're coming up on you.
Molly
I'm like, these are sounding familiar.
Caleb
A father and son trying to get on Shark Tank. That be cute. This one says siblings or celebs. And then there's a sub note that says, okay, I can't get over us as siblings. What about siblings at a city council hearing?
Molly
That's you. That's you.
Caleb
Oh, city council was definitely me. I'm always trying to work in some stupid little political angle.
Molly
My dad was a councilman.
Caleb
I know he was.
Molly
He's still alive. He just isn't one anymore.
Caleb
Yeah. And what are his two best friends names?
Molly
This is when he was a construction worker. Rock and Roll in Big City. Yeah, I've known him my whole life. Rock and Roll in Big City. Rock and Roll. Obviously looks like a rock star and Big city, you know, has a mullet and drives one of those weird Jeep pickup trucks.
Caleb
Your dad's best friend's names are Rock and Roll in Big City.
Molly
And guess what their real names are. Birth certificate names.
Caleb
I'm guessing like Maurice and Jonathan.
Molly
No. They're both Sean.
Caleb
No.
Molly
They're both Sean.
Caleb
No.
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
S E A N. S E, A N. Thank you.
Molly
Just like my little brother.
Caleb
That's so funny. I love your brother.
Molly
They're great brothers.
Caleb
I love the Carney family.
Molly
They're good boys.
Caleb
I'm big on the Carney family. So what's going on with you? What do you got? What do you got? What do you got on your mind lately?
Molly
What do I got?
Caleb
Tell me about Molly.
Molly
Oh, man, I've been trying to read more.
Caleb
Well, what are you reading?
Molly
Good God. I'm the slowest reader I've learned how slow I am. Yeah, okay, but that's not. It's not a race, you know?
Caleb
Yeah. Yeah, buddy. No, it's not.
Molly
Yeah, but then I think about how it's like this. It's like. Then I think about how slow I'm reading. So then I try to read faster and I'm like, wait, I gotta reread that page again. Yeah, so it's a cycle of hell. But anyway, I've been reading a lot of books.
Caleb
What are you reading?
Molly
My favorite books this year are Demon. Oh, me swagging on my bragging books. Demon Copperhead is my favorite book of last year. And A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Great book. That's been on my mind for years. Finally read it. I just finished the Women.
Caleb
The Women?
Molly
The Women.
Caleb
It's just called the Women.
Molly
Yeah, of course. I gravitated towards that, and it actually is about Vietnam nurses, so it really took a turn.
Caleb
Every. Every word you just said. I'm reading a book called the Women. It's about Vietnam nurses. Yeah. That's nuts.
Molly
They came back from war, and it's a fiction, but it's, like, based off of true stories, and they came back and they weren't accepted, and then nobody. No, people are like, oh, there's only men in Nam, but who patched up the men?
Caleb
They weren't accepted.
Molly
Yeah, people were like, there's no women in war.
Caleb
People just didn't.
Molly
So there's all these Vietnam nurses that came back, like, and they were neglected and they were. They were not respected or taken care of and they didn't get the proper therapy.
Caleb
Wild.
Molly
Look at me, dropping knowledge.
Caleb
Yeah. You got to keep reading books.
Molly
I know, honey. And do I know it.
Caleb
This is. This is killer information.
Molly
Can I take a long story and make it a couple sentences?
Caleb
Yeah, cut that thing down. Yeah.
Molly
What about you? What have you been reading? We bought books together.
Caleb
We did buy books together.
Molly
Did you read it?
Caleb
I forgot what I bought with. Did I buy a philosophy of walking when I was with you?
Molly
Actually, Caleb, I got it for you as a gift.
Caleb
What?
Molly
The book.
Caleb
What was it? Which book was it?
Molly
I don't remember, but I remember I was like. I'm like, this is a gift. We were celebrating you in some way.
Caleb
I think you made this up. I love you to death, but I think you just lied on the podcast, brother.
Molly
I remember like, it was yesterday.
Caleb
I don't doubt that you bought the book.
Molly
No, no, it was not me. It's not like, George Costanza. Like, I bought you the big salad. It's like, I.
Caleb
Don'T remember what book it was.
Molly
Getting lightheaded, and you literally went up to the lady at the bookstore, and you're like, hi, I'm Caleb. And then you looked at me like, I'm an idiot for not introducing myself. And I'm like, hi, I'm Molly.
Caleb
It's a nice thing to do.
Molly
Like, it's like you're supposed to be quiet in a bookstore. You're like, hey, put her there. How are you, Caleb? We like to read, too. What's your favorite book? And the girl was like, I'm Elizabeth. And I was like, nice to meet you, Elizabeth.
Caleb
Yeah, she was lovely. She was lovely. I'm reading A Philosophy of Walking. I'm also reading the Dog.
Molly
Tell me about that one.
Caleb
Philosophy of Walking is like, this guy put together a book talking about, like, this creative and spiritual practice of going on long walks. And there's a bunch of philosophers who would go on long walks, and that's how they would write. They wouldn't sit at a desk and, like, put pen to paper. They would walk and get their ideas, and then later on, they would transcribe them when they felt like they had it formulated. And I like that.
Molly
And I like that.
Caleb
I like that. And so I've been reading a lot about that. And then I've been reading the dawn of Everything, this big, dense, heavy book about kind of asking, like, it's asking why. Why did we as a people get so hung up on the idea of inequality? And, like, we've been asking this question philosophically for a long time of, like, are we inherently egalitarian or inherently hierarchical as people? Are we, like, inherently selfish and mean or good and generous and good.
Molly
And Jenny.
Caleb
Good and Jenny. But it's actually. The book is actually not even asking that question. It's actually asking how we came to ask that question, and then kind of starting to look at. I'm only like, 100 something pages in, but starting to look at, like, actually these ideas we've had for a long time about, like, societies were inherently good or inherently bad, and then agriculture happened and they became this. That's all wrong. Societies were inherently different all along. There were many people in different parts of the world doing different kinds of societies at all times. And it's, like, going through a lot of, like, dense, like, Reese, like, sources about that. It's extremely academic and hard to read. And I'm. It's. It's taken.
Molly
I mean, it was hard to listen to that.
Caleb
I know. It's not fun. I'm saying. You're so right.
Molly
No, but I mean, when you read that book, do you kind of have to go to another book that's, like, maybe a little lighter or you just put on Xbox or something?
Caleb
I have to put on Xbox. And I also. I damn near need to, like, take notes. I tried reading it on a plane. I thought I was gonna kill myself.
Molly
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Caleb
It's an important book, and I want to learn the information, right? But, God, it feels like. It feels like, it feels like college. It feels like grad school, and I didn't even go to grad school.
Molly
Yeah, you're putting yourself through it.
Caleb
But I want to know.
Molly
I know, and I want you to know so that you can tell me in a simpler manner.
Caleb
And then when I do, you'll say it was boring to listen to.
Molly
No, I would never say that.
Caleb
You did 20 seconds ago.
Molly
I didn't. Did. Yes. And I'm sorry, brother.
Caleb
There's a recording of you doing it. I'm sorry, There's a recorded record.
Molly
That's what we like to read and that we. You, you read those types of books?
Caleb
Yeah. I loved your story about the nurses.
Molly
But I do love walking. I really resonate with that.
Caleb
Yeah, I love a good walk.
Molly
Like, because when you sit down, you don't sit down and write stand up. You like, just kind of rip.
Caleb
I don't really write standup.
Molly
I, Yeah, I, I, I've never really sat down.
Caleb
I like, improvise the idea on stage and then I continue to improvise it until it gets good.
Molly
Then you memorize it.
Caleb
And then I just kind of memorize it. It's. I, I have, I have sat down and written out my jokes before to get them in my head, but I, it's very rare that I'm like, sitting down and being like.
Molly
You're more writing them down to get them in order that you already. And you created them on stage.
Caleb
Yeah, yeah. And I'm never writing them out in full. I'm never going, like, set up, punchline transition.
Molly
My mom's name is Gil.
Caleb
Right. I'm more. Right. I'm more writing like, guy you slept with above grocery store or whatever.
Molly
Right.
Caleb
And then I know that that's a five minute bit.
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
You know, I'm also bad at the worst thing. The, my worst part of stand up is the timing. I run the light every time. I don't know what, how long I've been up there. I don't know how long my jokes are. I'll tell the same joke in two different rooms on the same night. One time, it's seven minutes. One times, it's too. I just don't, I can't.
Molly
I. Yeah, we're not really script standups.
Caleb
But no, it's not what I'm doing.
Molly
And that's all right. I think you've never bombed a day in your life, so I think you could run the light. Well, unless, Unless I'm waiting for my time and I'll just side tackle you right off the stage?
Caleb
Yeah. Would you really?
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
I've never run the light when I'm bombing.
Molly
Yeah. No, I think it's like I would never do that. Well, I definitely have seen some people actually.
Caleb
Well, yeah. Cuz then they're trying to end on a laugh and it's like, brother, you just got to cut your losses.
Molly
I just. Yeah, I. I'm just like, get me out of here and I need to go get some ice cream.
Caleb
Yeah. How often do you bomb.
Molly
In my head Every day.
Caleb
I don't think I've ever seen that.
Molly
I bombed so much. When I was starting in Chicago. I remember like going up at the Laugh Factory for the first time and I totally. I try to do all my gay jokes. Totally bombed. Walked home crying. And I was like, I'm done with this. I'm like, I'm never like slushy snow. I was like, I'm just so bad at stand up. And then the next day I was like, three shows tonight, let's go. You know?
Caleb
Yeah. I have a very a memory. I always thought that you were a star. The moment that I saw you perform, I just thought you were genius. But there was this one moment that I thought was. So you came and did. I had this show in Chicago with a bunch of friends called Studio 11.
Molly
Dude, incredible show.
Caleb
I loved that show. Shelby Wolstein and I ran into what.
Molly
It was about first because it's cool.
Caleb
Studio 11 was new sketch material every week. Every single week we did brand new sketch material. A full like hour long show with a great cast of like very funny there originally there were 11 of us and me and Shelby Wolstein kind of like ran it and produced it. And then there were so many funny people. Grace Kuinschmid was on it at one point. Tom Simmer Maker was on it. So many, so many funny people. Alex Collier, Lorena Cornwell, Gregory. Vinnie was on it for a second, I think. Vinnie Thomas.
Molly
That's where I met Vinnie and.
Caleb
And so many people that weren't on the cast were guests. Like Sarah Squirm was on it. Meg Stalter was on it, like as guests and Dairy Queen, like all of our friends of that moment were doing the show.
Molly
Right.
Caleb
And there were weeks, basically. It was kind of working out to where like every other week or every couple weeks we would have like a really sold out show. It was like a popular enough show, but then there would be like slow weeks. And you were booked to do it one week to do stand up as a guest on the show because what we would do is we'd have like a guest musician, a guest. A guest stand up. And then in between all that, we do our sketches, and then the gay members of the cast would do this segment called Queer and Events, where we would do a news update for the week as, like, all gay people. And we'd only do, like, gay jokes about it. And we were like little suit jackets and like ties over our T shirts and it was silly. But you were the guest stand up one week and you came out on stage and I guess the microphone wasn't working. And Alex Collier was like, I'm going to fix it. I'm going to fix it. And it was maybe there were like 20, 30 people in the room. And you go, I don't need it, you guys, I'm from Ohio. And you just start murdering without a microphone. Which now I'm like, that's the correct thing to do. But at that time, I think so many people in our class of comedians didn't have that confidence and, and skill yet, because that's, that's what a true professional, like, good killer does. And you just started, like, screaming your jokes out to this room killing without a microphone. And I was like, that person is incredible.
Molly
Thank you.
Caleb
I was blown away. I was like, that's amazing.
Molly
Thanks, bud. That's very sweet.
Caleb
Yeah. Of course, now I don't like you very much, but back then I thought you were my best. Yeah.
Molly
You want me to meet Grinder? I get it.
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
Well, I think I. I learned that from doing standup on Put In Bay, the island in Lake Erie where I was like, they didn't have mics. I just went up and started screaming at drunk people. Yeah, I got their attention.
Caleb
I got their attention.
Molly
Then I got to Chicago. I was like, now I got to use a microphone and only do five minutes. This is crazy. Cuz I would do like an hour just messing around out on the farm.
Caleb
They were just letting me free for me.
Molly
The cows go moo. And I go, ha.
Caleb
So you moved to Chicago to do commi. And then you went to. Well, you went to Dayton first.
Molly
Yeah, I went to Dayton for college. Started. Yeah. Started doing stand up on like a bet. My friends were like, you can't do stand up without laughing at your own jokes. And I'm like, bet, let's do it. And they. They were right. But I did get good at it.
Caleb
Lost that money.
Molly
But actually I was terrible at it. Oh, my God, it was so bad. But, you know, everyone is when they start. Well, not you, but I Mean, you. You started doing stand up. And I was like, this kid Shant doesn't have to do improv. He can just go improvise by himself. You can just do, like, the.
Caleb
I'm only good at stand up because I did improv.
Molly
True. That's my mind Quicker.
Caleb
Yeah. I am only good at. I'm only good at comedy because I studied improv, period. There's no. There's no world where I get good at comedy without very, like, to an embarrassing degree, earnestly studying improv. Like, I had to believe in it so much to get good at comedy. There's no world where that doesn't happen. Oh, I believed in it. Yeah.
Molly
No, you had, like, I had all the Second City. Did you have all the Second City books?
Caleb
No. Even worse. I thought I was so into improv that I was like, second City is corporate. Like, I was like. I was like. I was like, I.O. is where the magic happens. Like, I was worse than a Second City kid. I was a purist.
Molly
I mean, the Ohio is awesome. I remember going to that in Williamsburg. Not Williamsburg and Wrigley. Wrigleyville.
Caleb
I'd never been to that one.
Molly
Oh, my God, it was magic. It was so cool.
Caleb
I really, I was.
Molly
And then talking about corporate, the IO building that I know.
Caleb
But even still, I felt like long form improv is like the magic. It's where the special stuff happens. I believed in, like, the promise that we make to each other on stage and the contract that we have with the audience. I believe when you. When you say I, you know, who was it? Maybe Susan Messing or Liz?
Molly
Susan Messing. Wow.
Caleb
She's such a good improv teacher. But, you know, people would say that every. Every scene we ever do in improv or otherwise, it all takes place on one long line that runs forever in both directions. It was here long before us. It'll be going long afterwards. I believed all that shit, you know, And I still, to some extent do. But I. Yeah, I don't know.
Molly
Shrine in your closet, basically.
Caleb
Basically. Love Charna too, by the way. Why wouldn't I? She put me on the SNL showcase my first year.
Molly
Holy crap.
Caleb
Yeah. I'm like, hey, Sharna was cool to me. I love those dogs.
Molly
I love those dogs for real. The dogs be dogging.
Caleb
Yeah. People really hated China. And I was like, frankly, that's my girl.
Molly
She was just more of a cartoon character walking around in my head.
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
I never met her.
Caleb
Yeah, but did you. You didn't do the SNL showcase in Chicago, did you?
Molly
No, I Did it that. Just the time that we did it.
Caleb
But we did it. Yeah.
Molly
I did the comedy studies program at 3 Second City, which is like a semester of comedy, which was incredible. Yeah, it was awesome.
Caleb
Really?
Molly
Yeah. It was like, you go to school like, 9 to 5 and it's all comedy, comedy history. You learn about, like, vaudeville, then you write, writing, improv, and then you have acting class. It was amazing. You would have really loved it.
Caleb
I love that.
Molly
You would have loved it.
Caleb
I remember when we screen tested for snl, we did the showcase. I had come back to LA to do it, and we did it. And we, you and I, you and I got, we, we, we both did our sets, the, the live show for the producers in la, and then we both killed.
Molly
I really felt great about that. If I, I go, if I don't get it, I did the best five minutes that I could have ever possibly done.
Caleb
You and I got off stage, went into the green room, and we were both very calm. We were like, good job, everybody. We'll see you later. We walked my car, we're walking to my car, vibrating. We get in my car. We get in my car, and we're like, we murdered.
Molly
And they don't want us.
Caleb
They don't. We're like, if they don't want us, them. We rolled down the windows, jammed the music. We drove to Black Cat to meet a bunch of our friends. We went to the lesbian bar. Yeah. We were like, we're like, yeah, who knows if they'll call? Who gives a.
Molly
Who gives. Who gives it?
Caleb
And then when we came here to screen test, I had done it before. So you and I were talking a bunch about, like, what it was going to be like. And then I remember I had told, I was like, molly, I hope you get it. You know? And then you told me that you, you went to that church.
Molly
Oh, yeah.
Caleb
You went to that church and, like, set a prayer or lit a candle.
Molly
Or something to Chris Farley.
Caleb
To Chris Farley's church.
Molly
Yeah. And then it ended up being my curse at snl. Everyone's like, you're like, Chris Farland. I'm like, well, maybe if I didn't pray to him that one day. Oh, I was just like.
Caleb
When you told me you lit a candle, I was like, I'm not getting that job. I, I, I was in the green room during my screen test talking to Devin. He was like, do you want this? I was like, not really.
Molly
I'm like, I'm going.
Caleb
Candles. Yeah. I was like, that's Molly's Gig, I'm.
Molly
Going to the cathedral and I'm saying prayers to all my dead people.
Caleb
We had a big ass steak dinner.
Molly
Oh, my God. I remember eating that steak. And I go, I can't afford this steak. Oh. Oh, my God. And then I. Yeah. And then we went out after our test and I. We went to meet Lisa or some of our buddies at that little bar.
Caleb
Lisa Marie Devin came. Devon Walker was there. Mary Beth came because she screen tested.
Molly
Oh, yeah.
Caleb
And I. That night got.
Molly
Never forget.
Caleb
I will never forget the most drunk I've ever been.
Molly
I go, Kayla was drinking. Kayla was drinking vodka cranberries like a kid after a soccer game with Capri Sun. You were like. I'm like, hey, bud, you might want to slow down. I was like, you're like, let's go, let's go. And then we had to fly back to LA the next morning. And you had like the hood on and I think you might have vomited in the.
Caleb
I threw up all night long. Yeah, I threw up all night long. And then I threw up at the airport.
Molly
And then you did throw up at the airport. I do recall. And I was like, oh, this. I must take this in now because I think this will be the only time Caleb is more hungover than me in our life.
Caleb
It will be. Yeah, it will be. Yeah.
Molly
And it'll be a memory that I take to the grave.
Caleb
That was brutal. I got so drunk, I lost my shirt. Yeah.
Molly
Wait, what was that about?
Caleb
I lost my shirt, that's all.
Molly
Where? Where did.
Caleb
I have no clue. Oh, I bought a. I bought a cute shirt for the screen test cuz I wanted to look nice on the camera and I lost it. I got so drunk and I. I was hanging. I was like, I was like. I remember I said something to Marie F. And I was like. I was. I was so drunk. By the time she got there, I was like, I just think the world of you and I think we have to be friends, you know? And she was like, okay. Yeah. She's like, we are.
Molly
You know, he's so funny.
Caleb
Really, really insane. That was a blast, though.
Molly
Yeah, that was. That was.
Caleb
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Molly
Oh yeah.
Caleb
Which I'll never forget because you didn't tell me that all of your guys furniture was brass or whatever the heaviest.
Molly
I didn't have any furniture.
Caleb
Well, whoever's furniture, I moved into that place.
Molly
Yeah, that was like uphill steps. But I helped you move in. You and Shelby move in.
Caleb
Yeah, but our stuff.
Molly
No, it was a wait. Yeah, Chance did too. I'm like, we were going up and down, up and down, up and down. And I'll never forget Shelby's 400 pound.
Caleb
Oh my God, the stove.
Molly
I'm like, the stove. I'm like, Chance and I looked at each other and we're like, not, Not a chance. You weren't even trying this.
Caleb
No, we hired movers that said they wouldn't do it. Like, oh yeah, Shelby has a 400 pound or more.
Molly
I mean, that's still with her.
Caleb
I. I'm sure it is. Shelby has this stove that her mom or somebody gave to her that she has moved everywhere and she moved it. Would that we live together two places in la and both times I was like, shelby, I will do anything you want to get rid of the stove.
Molly
Give it up.
Caleb
Get rid of the stove. I mean, no one can move it. Three professional movers couldn't move it.
Molly
And like, when it went cross country, the U Haul was probably just like. Yeah, like the. The wheels were like.
Caleb
I'm surprised it didn't break through the U Haul and fall. My God. Yeah. The. The stove is horrible. So many people have fallen victim to the stove. So many people have fallen victim the stove. And by the way, you're taking out. You're thinking operable. No, it's decorative.
Molly
Yeah, it's decorative. Is there anything in there?
Caleb
No.
Molly
I thought it was a safe.
Caleb
No. Decorative, 8,000 pound stove. Really crazy move. Love Shelby to death. Love you, chica. Get rid of that stove if you still have it. That's crazy.
Molly
Wait, can we talk football for a second?
Caleb
Of course we can talk football for a second.
Molly
How are you feeling about this weekend? Or is it probably. Or how did. Oh, we're in the future. Sorry. Sorry.
Caleb
Mom. Just spun themselves out in such a major way.
Molly
Go Browns.
Caleb
We're recording before the Bills play the Chiefs, Right? They've beat us once this season.
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
Are they the one team we've lost to or we lost two games. Well, we lost to the Broncos in the last week when all the starters were arrested. Right. So we lost two games.
Molly
But yeah, it counts because you lost.
Caleb
It counts. It counts. Yeah.
Molly
Well, we won. We won three. And our quarterback is not a good man, so I'm actually more of a Lions fan.
Caleb
Oh, well, you know how to pick them.
Molly
Well, it's closest to Cleveland.
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
And I like their colors.
Caleb
You know, I texted Stavi after the Ravens biffed it. I texted Stavi and said, we've never.
Molly
Met, but I'm looking forward to shaking his hand.
Caleb
I text Stavi and I said, you are loved and important to many. Please don't make any permanent decisions about the game. He text me back and said, I appreciate it. And it goes without saying, I want nothing but pain and suffering for you.
Molly
I know. It is kind of like. I mean, like, give it a rest. Travis Kelce is a. Is. I hope he's my friend. But he's from Cleveland.
Caleb
He's your friend and he's from Cleveland. Shout out Trav.
Molly
So technically, go Browns.
Caleb
Technically, go Chiefs. Because he plays for the team.
Molly
Oh, yeah.
Caleb
Yeah. If you think about it, it could have been go Eagles, but Jason's retired.
Molly
LeBron James.
Caleb
LeBron. LeBron.
Molly
That man single handedly took Cleveland out of the dirt.
Caleb
Yeah, he brought you guys up.
Molly
That's right.
Caleb
He put you guys on. That's what Pat's doing for Kansas City right now.
Molly
I agree And I'm happy for Kansas City because it is. It does remind me a lot of Cleveland when I came to your house.
Caleb
Thank you.
Molly
And spent time there.
Caleb
Finally some credit.
Molly
And learned how to play Madam. Madam.
Caleb
Madam. Learn how to play Madam Wolf. Freudian slip there.
Molly
I love madam.
Caleb
Hey, madam. No, Molly, playing madam is what you were doing before the transition. We're done playing madam. No, brother, playing madam's in your past.
Molly
No, but let me. Let me paint the picture. We're at Caleb's house, and he's like. We're just kind of hanging out. We're in vacation mode. He's like, you want to play some Madden? And I was like, I never played. He goes, take a seat. And we're playing. He sets the vibe. He lowers the light. He puts on cool lighting. It's snowing outside or something. I don't know. And he's. He puts on mad. And he's like, all right. And then he puts on this, like, cool, soothing music. And we're just playing mad. And I go, this is the best day of my life, dude.
Caleb
I always put music in the background. I don't listen to the game. I listen to music.
Molly
I totally respect that. And then we bought Xboxes together.
Caleb
Yeah. And you haven't played me, but I.
Molly
Just got a headset, so I'm ready to duel.
Caleb
Nice. I want to do. I'm not gonna do a headset. I don't listen to people talk when I play.
Molly
Well, I got a lot to say.
Caleb
I can't listen to people because I'll go to a place. I did a headset when I was.
Molly
You go to a dark place.
Caleb
I'll be mean.
Molly
Yeah, I don't actually.
Caleb
I'll call people the f. Slur. Like, I don't like the way I behave on there. I can't be listening or talking. I gotta just play. You want your voicemail?
Molly
Yeah, I would love to.
Caleb
Let's hear a voicemail. I'm trying to get better at doing these.
Molly
Oh, I'm. I would love to.
Caleb
How's my hair look? Is it still in place? Yes, sir. Nice. Put those on for me.
Molly
Let's do it.
Caleb
Hi, Caleb and lovely guest. This is Peter. And I wanted to know the truth about salt. Why is it in everything. Why is everything that tastes good to have salt in it? What was the deal in, like, the Bible where people would turn other people into pillars of salt? That's crazy. That doesn't make any sense. What the heck? Huge fan. Love you. Love your work. And I. I'm Sure. I love you as well. Esteemed guests as every guest that Caleb has is wonderful. I hope you have a great day and I'm looking forward to hearing back from y'all.
Molly
Peace.
Caleb
Really superfluous.
Molly
Thanks.
Caleb
Really, really chatty guest. You know what that reminded me of? I'll get into the question in a second, but I had a flight attendant on my flight here the other day. Gay flight attendant.
Molly
No worries, gorgeous.
Caleb
Who? Gay guy, flight attendant who was being real nice to me. Okay. And I was like, either. I was like, either he wants to fuck me in the bathroom or he knows who I am or both. And so he's real nice to me the whole flight. And then doesn't say anything and then, like, about, you know, knowing me or wanting to sleep with me. And then towards the end of the flight, he, like, comes over to hand me a snack and drops off a postcard. And in the postcard he had written on the back of it, he was like. He was like, diva. Diva doll queen. Not kidding. I'm not kidding. It says diva, period. Diva doll queen. I'm such a huge fan. I've been trying to play it cool. Hopefully I've been cool. Thank you for being on this flight. And then, like. And it was like, I watch your stuff all the time. And then was like, wrote his name. It was really sweet.
Molly
That is precious.
Caleb
And that's me.
Molly
That is precious.
Caleb
Kind of sounded like this guy. I was like, maybe this is my flight attendant.
Molly
Oh, my gosh.
Caleb
But it wasn't.
Molly
How do we know?
Caleb
The name is different.
Molly
Okay.
Caleb
Salt. Well, it's delicious. Tasty.
Molly
Yeah. Like, oh, why is this, like, breakfast sandwich so good? It's because it's douse.
Caleb
Salt is everything. You know when you go to restaurants and you go, why is the way they make this better than the way I make it? Butter.
Molly
Salt.
Caleb
Salted butter. They put salted butter on everything to an extent that you cannot imagine.
Molly
Who's out there buying unsalted butter?
Caleb
Freaks.
Molly
Shame on you.
Caleb
Freaks and Mormons.
Molly
Shame. Freaks and Mormons.
Caleb
And they're allowed to have salt. I just don't think they enjoy anything. Mormons. Sorry, Mormons. Yeah, we got a lot of Mormon fans. You believe in hell?
Molly
I don't know if I believe in hell, but I do think there be bad people and they have mad guy. They gotta go somewhere.
Caleb
You think bad people get punished in the afterlife?
Molly
Yeah, I think they come back maybe as some days I'm like, oh, they come back as, like, ants, and I'm the one stepping on them.
Caleb
Or that's nice.
Molly
Yeah. Or they're just, like, you know, they taught in Catholic school. They're burning alive down there.
Caleb
Yeah, down there. I've started to experiment lately with the idea that maybe everyone gets what they deserve. Like, maybe everyone just gets what they deserve. Maybe nice people get something nice. Maybe bad people get something bad. Maybe medium people get something medium. You know what I'm saying?
Molly
Yeah, but, like, then there's such good people that so many bad things happen to them.
Caleb
I'm like, no, but that's. They're good people, so they would get good. I'm not saying you don't.
Molly
After death, you mean?
Caleb
Yeah, I'm saying after death, yeah. No, not in life, certainly. No, there's plenty of good people that get bad things and bad people that get good things. I'm saying I've been experimenting with the idea of, like, we don't know what happens after we die. We all get to decide for ourselves. So I've been starting to experiment with the idea of what if everyone gets what they deserve? That'd be kind of nice. Maybe if you spend your life being nice to people and doing good, and I'm not talking about being a saint, but if you're a saint, maybe you get something saintly, you know? And if you're a devil, maybe get something devilish.
Molly
Ooh.
Caleb
Maybe hell exists. Exists for hellions. Aliens, and then good for good people. Maybe. Maybe me and all my friends will be in an alt comedy scene after this is all over. You're good at outfits, you know that?
Molly
No, bro, you are. I got a couple good ones.
Caleb
But you match a hat with a shirt real well. I'm learning you match a hat with.
Molly
Thank you. I've been learning that you do that. Well, Tom from SNL helped me a lot. Learn how to buy up my fashion.
Caleb
To put a hat with a shirt.
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
I love that. Tom.
Molly
I love Tom.
Caleb
Who's Tom?
Molly
Tom is. I believe he's a producer as well, but he's been at SNL for over 20 years, and he just dresses everybody so nicely.
Caleb
Gay guy.
Molly
Of course.
Caleb
Yeah. I would never expect.
Molly
Only the smartest of men.
Caleb
Street guys, they can't do what we can do as gay guys.
Molly
I'd like to see my dad try to dress himself.
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
Just kidding. We wear the exact same clothes.
Caleb
Yeah. Nice. Get him. Yeah. Get your father. Yeah.
Molly
Got his ass. Got his ass.
Caleb
Gather your.
Molly
Literally, we wear the same size pants.
Caleb
So gather your dad, who you adore. Get him. God, I wish your mom was here.
Molly
Me, too.
Caleb
And right here in this chair.
Molly
Oh, I know. She really does.
Caleb
Should we call her? Yeah, I'll call her, see what she says.
Molly
You really should. She texted me. I texted her this morning.
Caleb
You guys talk a lot. You guys are, like, kind of close.
Molly
We are close.
Caleb
Okay. This is who we're calling.
Molly
I'm dead. She's beautiful.
Caleb
She's so beautiful. I love her. Let's see if she answers. If she doesn't answer me, it's gonna be kind of drama, right?
Molly
I think she knows I'm here. I told her yesterday.
Caleb
What's her nickname?
Molly
Marg. Marg retired. Marg is her handleb.
Caleb
What are you doing? Hey, Mark. What are you up to, Queen? I'm getting my hair cut. What? Why? Your hair looks great.
Molly
I'm going to.
Caleb
I'm going on. Kevin and I are going on a cruise. Where to?
Molly
Oh, gosh.
Caleb
The Caribbean. Oh, gosh. Well, I'm recording my podcast with Molly. You're on the podcast? I am, yeah.
Molly
You're a star. Mom.
Caleb
We just wanted to say hi. We were just saying we wish you were here. We were thinking about you.
Molly
Oh, you're so sweet.
Caleb
Thank you. I wish we talking to my. My hair guy about the depressing depression.
Molly
That we're having over the next four years and what we should do about it. We're trying to solve the world's problems here on the haircutting chair.
Caleb
Is your. Is your hair guy gay?
Molly
Yes, he's lovely.
Caleb
Single. Single. Yes. All right. Maybe you make some. All right.
Molly
What about for a night? Caleb.
Caleb
I keep looking for you.
Molly
I really do. She has been.
Caleb
Well, we love you so much. We're gonna let you get back to it, but we miss you.
Molly
All right, love you.
Caleb
Bye.
Molly
Love you guys.
Caleb
Okay, take care. Stay warm.
Molly
Bye. She literally. She's like, I'm looking for Caleb. I love her. And you know what? Maybe. Maybe he's. He's just doing so well right now, and a good man's gonna come.
Caleb
I love her.
Molly
I hope she does find you one in Cleveland so that we can reside there.
Caleb
He's gonna have to move to New York or Kansas City. One or the other.
Molly
Yeah, but we'll buy property.
Caleb
We can buy property in Cleveland on the lake. Yeah, I've got property everywhere. I'm buying up properties. I wait until something bad happens.
Molly
Mr. Monopoly. Where's your mono? Where's your monocle?
Caleb
Yeah, I want to start re renting out to people at extortionist rates.
Molly
Absolutely.
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
Raise that rent.
Caleb
Raise the rent. Raise the rent.
Molly
Egg should be $20?
Caleb
Yeah. Molly, I got a segment for you here. You ready for this, brother?
Molly
Honestly, whenever I listen to this part, I get so anxious. Okay.
Caleb
All right. Yeah.
Molly
And I don't want anyone to judge me on my knowledge of anything.
Caleb
Just go as quick as you can and you'll be fine.
Molly
Do I count on my fingers?
Caleb
I'm gonna.
Molly
When I listen, I count on my fingers. All right.
Caleb
I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false. You ready?
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
Scotland is a larger land mass than Greenland.
Molly
False.
Caleb
False. The yo yo was invented in 1866.
Molly
True.
Caleb
True. Better Call Saul ran for more seasons than Breaking bad. False. True. LeBron James attended St. Vincent St. Mary High School. True. Lake Erie is the smallest great lake.
Molly
True.
Caleb
False. It's Lake Ontario, Ontario. Facebook is older than Olivia Rodrigo. True. False. A ham sandwich was the first food eaten in space.
Molly
What?
Caleb
A ham sandwich.
Molly
False.
Caleb
False. Pureed meat. The Lincoln Zoo. The Lincoln Park Zoo is in Chicago. The Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago is free to visit.
Molly
True.
Caleb
True. There are 17 stars on the Ohio flag.
Molly
False.
Caleb
True. A crocodile cannot move its tongue.
Molly
Oh. True. False.
Caleb
True. Golden Kraut was originally a taco stand. False. False. Cleveland is nicknamed the Forest City.
Molly
False.
Caleb
True. Uma Thurman's real first name is Becky.
Molly
Uma what? True. False.
Caleb
What the fuck? Before selling backpacks, Jansport sell knives.
Molly
False.
Caleb
False. The Geico Gecko's name is Gary. False. False. It's Martin. How'd they do? I knew I wasn't gonna win a stroke. You did great, buddy.
Molly
Oh, I'm sorry I swore so much. Mom.
Caleb
No, she'll love that.
Molly
No, she's gonna hate that. And I'll be getting a text, and so will you, probably.
Caleb
You know, I swear. You know what I've just been thinking about? I just. I was a chance that I told this to. I don't know who I told. No, it was my friend Kevin. I have been become re. Obsessed with an Eminem lyric. Tell me one of my favorite Eminem lyrics of all time. And I. I'm not going to get the words exactly right, but the gist of it is he, like, does it like a mocking voice, and he's like, will Smith doesn't have to cuss to sell his raps or whatever. Will Smith doesn't have to cuss in his raps to sell records. And then he says, this is so funny that I'm doing this right now, but I'm, like, stepping out an Eminem lyric. Will Smith doesn't have to cuss to sell. Doesn't have to cuss in his raps to sell records. And then he says, well, I do so Will Smith and you too. That line is so beautiful to me.
Molly
It's Chris.
Caleb
I do have to cuss. I feel that way about clean comedians. I don't have to cuss to be funny. Well, I do. So you.
Molly
I. I catch myself cussing a rock.
Caleb
Yeah, you cuss a ruckus.
Molly
Yeah, I do.
Caleb
You talk like a sailor. It's unbecoming.
Molly
I do. I do.
Caleb
It's a not a non binary person. Not a proper way to behave. I know you need to clean it up, brother.
Molly
Frick.
Caleb
Frick. See, but that works for you. You have a very cute way about you.
Molly
Thank you. So do you though.
Caleb
You can do like Frick. I need. People need me to curse.
Molly
I think I. I do need you to be swearing.
Caleb
I have a bit of a. There's an edge to me that people need the curse words.
Molly
Should I not swear? Is it too hard to see?
Caleb
No, it's not too hard to see. It's just that you're lucky you're true verse. You can get away with being cutesy.
Molly
That's the.
Caleb
If I say like, gosh dang it, people are like, what?
Molly
I should put that in my bio. Yeah, I'm a troopers.
Caleb
Troopers can get away with cussing. Or not. I don't like when people replace cuss words with something too cutesy though.
Molly
Yeah, like. Oh, like crapola.
Caleb
Yeah, that pisses me off.
Molly
Oh, well, crud. Yeah, crud.
Caleb
Or where people say stinking.
Molly
Oh, that's.
Caleb
I'm so stinking angry right now.
Molly
Stinking tick.
Caleb
Shut the hell up.
Molly
I do like. Oh, you're ticking me off.
Caleb
Taking me off is good.
Molly
Taking me off so much better. There's some.
Caleb
There's some good ones. Like one of my favorite ones is Good night. Good night is a fun one. Good night is a fun good night or goodness good. Those are fun. You can really. You can launch those at somebody or.
Molly
What's the Jesus. There's one for Jesus. Holy Mac.
Caleb
I like.
Molly
Holy mackerel.
Caleb
Jiminy Christmas.
Molly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Something like that. That's a little too much for anyone, actually.
Caleb
Oh, you think?
Molly
Jiminy Crimson. I'll just knock it off.
Caleb
All right. You seen anybody? No, no.
Molly
Looking single.
Caleb
Looking for something.
Molly
I'm looking at myself in the mirror right now.
Caleb
I'm looking at the man in the mirror.
Molly
That's right.
Caleb
Not even looking for Some casual fun. What can I do for you? You know, we got a lot of. We got a lot of listeners who'd be interested in your whole thing.
Molly
I'm always looking for casual fun because I ain't dressing up, hun.
Caleb
Oh, Molly, you're bad.
Molly
I'm back, baby.
Caleb
Molly, you are too much. But be serious.
Molly
Okay.
Caleb
You want a girlfriend?
Molly
Not right now.
Caleb
Nice. I'm just asking because, you know, there's a lot of lesbians who watch the show.
Molly
But I. I think you're all really beautiful.
Caleb
God, it's like watching Michelangelo paint.
Molly
Belly up. Paint your ceiling, you know?
Caleb
Do you know what I love? Well, no, I like that you probably don't know about this because you're not on Grindr. No, there's a thing that really hot guys do on Grindr where they'll be like, if I don't. If I don't respond. My loss. You're beautiful. And I'm like, you need to go to prison. You don't.
Molly
People put that in their body.
Caleb
They'll be like. They'll be like, if I'm not into you, it's my loss. You're still beautiful. Beautiful. Something like. Something like that. That's like a hot guy thing to do. That's really gross.
Molly
That. That's not a hot guy thing to do. That's a gay guy. That's a gay thing to do.
Caleb
That's a sick. Okay. Yeah, get them.
Molly
Yeah, that's gay.
Caleb
Yeah, go ahead.
Molly
Yeah, I do. I. I have been bringing that back a little bit.
Caleb
Gay.
Molly
I like. Yeah. I'm like, wow.
Caleb
Okay. I've been doing.
Molly
Oh, yeah, I know. I've been seeing it, hearing it, seeing it, loving it.
Caleb
I like the Epsler quite a bit.
Molly
Yeah. Because like, what? Like, sometimes a couple years ago, my mom would be like, oh, Molly, you're acting a little queer queen. That's so queer queen. And I'm like, mom, you mean like I'm acting gay or I'm acting, like, weird? She's like, well, you're already gay, so you're acting weird.
Caleb
Yeah, she's the queen.
Molly
Okay.
Caleb
That's my president. Your mom is my president.
Molly
She cooks. She's good.
Caleb
She's real. I do. Like, it's fun to be a part of a community that has a word that only you're supposed to use.
Molly
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that special thing. It is special.
Caleb
Yeah.
Molly
Because it's like. Try it. Say it back.
Caleb
Yeah, say it back. And if you do, that's fine. I don't really care.
Molly
But I. I like this right in your neck.
Caleb
Really? You've been in a physical fight?
Molly
No, but, man, in my dream, sometimes I wake up and I'm punching, so I'm always trying to look. Do you ever wake up, like, when you're like, never. What?
Caleb
Not once in my life.
Molly
You've never woken up, like by. By punching or kicking? Oh, I do it often.
Caleb
Is that normal? Are you doing that? Are you doing that? Okay, so there's something going on in the mask community. Yeah, that's weird.
Molly
Community. Yeah. Yeah. It's like. And then I wake up and I.
Caleb
Go, despite your voice and your overall vibe and your energy, you're quite soft.
Molly
I.
Caleb
Yes, you're a softy. You're like, walk into a room and you're like, I'm Molly Carney. And then it's like. And I'm like, how you doing, Molly? And you're like, I'm okay. You know, you got. You got a very sweet, soft energy.
Molly
I do have this weird thing where people like to do my impression at me. It happens, like, often.
Caleb
Yeah, well, you have a very. You have a very. You're very unique thing.
Molly
Thank you, sir.
Caleb
Yeah, you have a. You have a big, burly voice and a unique perspective. So it's fun to do that.
Molly
And you're. You're a softie too.
Caleb
No.
Molly
Yeah. When. When you really get to talking. Oh, I mean. You tough ass.
Caleb
No, no, I am, I am, I am. I just. I think you're. You're quite a bit softer than I am. You're real. You're a real sweetie.
Molly
Thanks, buddy. And me, well, you just. You just. That's a chisel on an ice.
Caleb
That's what that is.
Molly
And then you get in there and you're like, give me.
Caleb
Come here, brother. Yeah. You know what I'm gonna do after this?
Molly
You gotta work for it. For you.
Caleb
You know what I'm gonna do after this record?
Molly
Give me a hug.
Caleb
I'm gonna give you a hug. And then I'm gonna get omakase.
Molly
Me too. I'm coming with you.
Caleb
I've been.
Molly
Yeah, sure.
Caleb
I'm going to a place in your neighborhood.
Molly
Oh, really? Cool.
Caleb
Perfect. So I wish you would.
Molly
Okay.
Caleb
I love omakase. And I've been on a big omakase kick. I love it. I like that they pick.
Molly
They do.
Caleb
That's what it is. They select.
Molly
They perfect.
Caleb
You say, Here's 75. If you're lucky. You say, Here's 75. And they say, I'll bring you sushi. And then they just pick.
Molly
Oh, I love that. I'm starving.
Caleb
The only thing I tell them when I do a macasa. The only thing I tell him is no eel. I don't like eel.
Molly
And when I tell them, I go, nothing's too spicy.
Caleb
Really? I love spice.
Molly
I can't. I can't. I'll do it. I'll do it. Yeah, but I don't want to do it.
Caleb
Messes you up.
Molly
But I'll. No, it just, like, it freezes me.
Caleb
Chance told me he hasn't been able to keep food down lately.
Molly
What? Are you all right?
Caleb
Yeah, I'm fine.
Molly
What's going on?
Caleb
I don't know.
Molly
Are you coming out. Coming out of your mouth or you're.
Caleb
It's a lot of vomiting.
Molly
Oh, buddy, it's gonna be fine. Is it gluten? I think so. I don't know.
Caleb
He hates that I brought it up.
Molly
Maybe you have celiac. It comes with people and all they. Oh. When we get older, I hear.
Caleb
Well, somebody told me it might have been norovirus. Like, that's a thing that it's like a symptom of. Norovirus is that you have, like, gut issues, but might have been going on longer than what norovirus would have lasted.
Molly
What if. What if you started at all?
Caleb
You think I'm patient zero? You're patient zero for norovirus? Yeah. Okay. You also could just be getting old. Yeah, I'm very old now. How old are you? You're pretty old.
Molly
Yeah, I'm 34.
Caleb
So did you go through anything like this vomiting for a while? No.
Molly
No. It skipped my generation.
Caleb
Yeah. It skips a generation.
Molly
Generation.
Caleb
Yeah. Well. Well, y'all.
Molly
Y'all.
Caleb
Oh, Molly, is there anything you want to tell the people about? We're almost wrapped up here. Oh, well. Molly, what's so true to you? Oh, oh.
Molly
What's so true?
Caleb
The premise of the show.
Molly
Oh, yeah.
Caleb
This show. This show is not properly run on my end. Everyone else does an incredible job. I'm telling you, I have a team of people. I know you're doing this show. Case in point. Case in point, Virginia. Case in point, everybody. Case in point. And I am not good at this show.
Molly
Hey.
Caleb
They run this show like a tight ship, and I come in goofy, and I don't do the show.
Molly
I would. I would have remembered.
Caleb
All right. What's your so true. What's so true to you, Molly Carney. What's so true to you?
Molly
So true to me? I think Catholic school made me kind of gay.
Caleb
No shit. Yeah. I. I'll agree with that, brother. Didn't you go to an all girls school?
Molly
I sure did.
Caleb
Yeah. Like a bead of honey.
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
That's crazy. They shouldn't let you in there.
Molly
Yeah, no, it's fantastic. It was the best four years of my life.
Caleb
Do you have any. Do you have any. Do you have any dalliances, any romances at the school there?
Molly
God, no.
Caleb
Oh, really? I thought girls were just kind of doing it.
Molly
I was like this.
Caleb
Oh, you were scared.
Molly
Yeah, I mean, I didn't get my wisdom to that because I was afraid I was gonna say I was gay. I didn't drink alcohol. Cause I thought I was gonna get drunk and say I was gay actually. This is gonna be going sad.
Caleb
Hey, buddy. You were driving a minivan till a cross practice.
Molly
I was.
Caleb
And I've seen. I know. And I've seen pictures of the way you dressed. You didn't need to get drunk to make that statement.
Molly
I was the goalie catching GS and balls. Not ball, not lacrosse balls.
Caleb
Yeah, of course.
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
You ever slept with a guy?
Molly
God in heaven, put some respect on my gay ass. Name, sir?
Caleb
That's gold star Carney to you.
Molly
Gold star.
Caleb
I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you weren't getting drunk because you were worried you'd come out of gay, but you were still wearing those outfits, huh?
Molly
Correct though.
Caleb
Correct though.
Molly
Man, I. I was. I was cooking.
Caleb
When did you come out? Now I'm just curious.
Molly
21.
Caleb
When you were 21 years old at Dayton.
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
Studying theater.
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
Once again, I'm just kind of surprised that it took all that time.
Molly
No, for sure, for sure. It was. I think it wasn't a surprise to anyone.
Caleb
Yeah. That's beautiful. Mole.
Molly
Yeah.
Caleb
And now look at you.
Molly
I love being gay. I'm a gay wad.
Caleb
I love that.
Molly
Caleb and Molly.
Caleb
Don't call me a gay one.
Molly
A bunch of gay ones. Gay, gay, gay wads.
Caleb
That's actually kind of beautiful. Why do you loki, have a good singing voice? There was a little bit of a. Gay, gay, gay. There was a little bit of a.
Molly
You have a great.
Caleb
There's a timber in there that I liked.
Molly
You have a great singing voice.
Caleb
Come on.
Molly
Stop it. Come on.
Caleb
Don't start. Don't do this. I'm shy.
Molly
Don't be shy. Be my guy.
Caleb
Come on. Oh. Kevin and Anna and I were watching a football game the other night at my house in Kansas City. And Kevin's like, do you have a guitar? And I was like, yeah. And I brought the guitar out and we all started. We. He starts playing and then we all just started writing a song together. So we're. We're watching the Ravens game and then being like, this part should go like this. And then we wrote a song about. I can't tell you what it's about, but I can't because it's not.
Molly
Oh, it's not prepared yet.
Caleb
I'll tell you off mic. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. Some things are secret because it's not always my business to tell. We'll tell people where they can find your moles.
Molly
Meet Brick Molly on Instagram Meat Brick. Meet, like, a pile of meat.
Caleb
Yeah, I don't know about pile.
Molly
Yeah, yeah. See what's cooking there.
Caleb
See what's cooking.
Molly
I gotta stop saying that. Too much Gen Z's in my brain.
Caleb
No, I like it. And I love you so much. And thanks for being on.
Molly
Thanks for having me, everybody.
Caleb
Love you.
Molly
Love you.
Caleb
Bye. That was a hitgam podcast.
Molly
Hey, it's Nicole Byer here. Let me ask you something. Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Fed up with awkward first dates and disappointing hookups? Girl, same. Welcome to why won't you date me? The podcast where I figure out love and how to suck less at dating. Each week, I get real with comedians, friends, and celebrities about their love lives. We swap dating horror stories, awkward hookups, and dive into the messy and wonderful world of relationships. I've chatted with amazing guests like Conan O'Brien, Whitney Cummings, Sarah Silverman, Trixie Mattel, Tiffany Hadditch, and so many more. So whether you're single, mingling or booed up, there's something in it for everyone. Tune into why won't you date me with me, Nicole Byer, and discover insights that might just save you from your next dating disaster. Listen and subscribe on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you you get your podcasts and catch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Friday.
Podcast Summary: So True with Caleb Hearon – Episode: "Molly Kearney is Dropping Knowledge"
Release Date: February 20, 2025
Introduction
In this insightful and humorous episode of So True with Caleb Hearon, host Caleb Hearon welcomes the acclaimed comedian Molly Kearney as his guest. The episode delves into Molly’s personal journey, her experiences in the comedy scene, and her perspectives on various topics ranging from stand-up to personal growth. The conversation is filled with candid moments, laughter, and profound insights, making it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.
1. Personal Journeys and Transformations
Molly Kearney opens up about her significant life changes, particularly her top surgery. She shares, “[02:18] Molly: I regret. Her and her.” This personal revelation sets the tone for a deep and meaningful discussion about identity and self-acceptance.
Caleb adds his own experiences, reflecting on his past surgeries and the emotional journey accompanying them. “[04:36] Caleb: Fuck. I just think the world of you and I think we have to be friends, you know? And she was like, okay. Yeah.” Their mutual support underscores the importance of friendship and understanding in navigating life’s transitions.
2. Comedy Roots and Early Experiences
The duo reminisces about their early days in the comedy world. Molly recalls her initial struggles with stand-up, “[19:45] Molly: I bombed so much. When I was starting in Chicago. I remember like going up at the Laugh Factory for the first time and I totally bombed.” Caleb shares a memorable moment from their time at Studio 11 in Chicago, praising Molly’s ability to captivate an audience without a microphone: “[22:14] Caleb: That person is incredible.”
Their shared history emphasizes the resilience required in the comedy industry and highlights how early challenges can lead to growth and success.
3. Stand-Up and Improv Techniques
Caleb and Molly delve into their comedic processes. Caleb discusses his reliance on improv to craft his stand-up routines, “[23:20] Molly: True. That's my mind Quicker.” Molly contrasts this by describing her spontaneous and heartfelt approach to comedy, “[18:43] Molly: I just. I, it's very rare that I'm like, sitting down and being like.”
They explore the balance between structured writing and improvisational creativity, offering listeners a glimpse into the minds of professional comedians.
4. Screen Testing for Saturday Night Live (SNL)
A significant highlight of the episode is their recounting of the SNL screen test experience. Caleb shares the hilarious aftermath of not being selected, “[26:19] Molly: Oh yeah.” They discuss the camaraderie and disappointment that often accompanies such screenings, illustrating the unpredictability of the entertainment industry.
Molly humorously mentions her attempt to seek spiritual support during the screening process, “[27:11] Molly: Or something to Chris Farley.” Caleb reflects on their mutual support during the stressful time, “[27:39] Caleb: I love you so much. We're gonna let you get back to it, but we miss you.”
5. Football Fandom and Team Loyalties
The conversation takes a spirited turn towards football, revealing Caleb’s and Molly’s support for their respective teams. Caleb discusses the Cleveland Browns’ performance, “[34:38] Caleb: We're recording before the Bills play the Chiefs, Right?” Molly counters with her allegiance to the Lions, providing a playful dynamic that showcases their competitive but friendly banter.
Their discussion extends to broader sports topics, including player interactions and personal anecdotes, adding a relatable and entertaining layer to the episode.
6. Book Discussions and Intellectual Pursuits
Both hosts express their love for reading, sharing insights from their current reads. Molly talks about Demon Copperhead and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, “[12:18] Caleb: What are you reading? [12:19] Molly: Demon Copperhead is my favorite book of last year.” Caleb delves into The Dawn of Everything, discussing its complex themes about societal structures, “[15:19] Caleb: I'm reading a lot about that.”
Their conversations highlight the importance of continuous learning and intellectual engagement, even amidst busy schedules and comedic pursuits.
7. Interactive Segments and Games
To engage listeners, Caleb introduces a “True or False” game, challenging Molly with 15 statements. This segment not only adds an element of fun but also reveals their spontaneity and quick-thinking abilities. Notable moments include:
Statement: "Scotland is a larger land mass than Greenland."
Statement: "A ham sandwich was the first food eaten in space."
Statement: "Uma Thurman's real first name is Becky."
Their playful competitiveness and humorous responses make this segment a standout, entertaining listeners with their chemistry and wit.
8. Fashion, Lifestyle, and Personal Preferences
Caleb and Molly discuss their personal styles and preferences, touching on fashion choices and lifestyle habits. Molly humorously admits to her expressive outfits during her school years, “[55:26] Molly: I didn't drink alcohol. Cause I thought I was gonna get drunk and say I was gay actually.”
Caleb compliments Molly’s fashion sense, “[56:03] Molly: You have a great singing voice. [56:04] Caleb: Come on.” Their lighthearted exchanges offer a glimpse into their personalities beyond comedy, making the conversation more relatable and intimate.
9. Reflections and Closing Thoughts
As the episode winds down, Caleb reflects on the essence of the show and their collaborative dynamic, “[54:35] Molly: Oh, yeah. I gravitated towards that, and it actually is about Vietnam nurses... Caleb: True. You have a very cute way about you.” Molly shares her thoughts on being true to oneself, “[55:01] Molly: So true to me? I think Catholic school made me kind of gay.”
Their heartfelt acknowledgments and mutual respect highlight the deep bond between the hosts, leaving listeners with a sense of warmth and appreciation for their authentic selves.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps
Conclusion
This episode of So True with Caleb Hearon featuring Molly Kearney is a treasure trove of laughter, heartfelt conversations, and genuine moments. Through their shared experiences and candid discussions, Caleb and Molly offer listeners an authentic look into their lives, challenges, and triumphs. Whether you're a long-time fan or new to the podcast, this episode promises entertainment, inspiration, and a deeper connection to the vibrant world of comedy.