My Mom Returns

Summary

Podcast Title: So True with Caleb Hearon
Host/Author: Headgum
Episode: My Mom Returns
Release Date: July 10, 2025

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Introduction

In the "My Mom Returns" episode of So True with Caleb Hearon, Caleb welcomes his mother, Kelly, back to the podcast for a heartfelt and humorous conversation. This episode delves into their personal histories, parenting dynamics, relationships, and the challenges they've faced together.

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Reflecting on Childhood and Parenting

Caleb and Kelly reminisce about their upbringing, discussing the struggles of growing up with limited financial resources and the impact it had on their lives.

Caleb [52:34]: "It's good that we didn't grow up with money. I'm sure I would be a dick otherwise."

Kelly shares her approach to parenting, emphasizing open communication and non-judgmental conversations with Caleb.

Kelly [12:48]: "I always, I was always very open with you. We always talked about everything, even sex, obviously."

They also touch upon Caleb's decision to pursue comedy over law school, with Kelly expressing her initial concerns but ultimately supporting his choices.

Caleb [21:10]: "Do you think that you made me gay or do you think I turned out gay? Cause I think you had a role in it."
Kelly [35:43]: "I think there's so many things I did that could have turned you gay."

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Navigating Adulthood and Personal Growth

The conversation shifts to their personal growth and the evolution of their relationship as Caleb transitions into adulthood. Kelly discusses her journey toward self-healing and establishing healthier relationships, setting boundaries, and recognizing red flags in dating.

Kelly [34:37]: "It took a lot of self-healing. It took a lot of learning to love who I am and to learn what I have to bring to the table and that I deserve better."

Caleb shares his struggles with balancing work and personal life, highlighting the challenges of maintaining relationships while managing professional demands.

Caleb [15:02]: "If someone stopped and asked me to stop on my way home from work, I would kill them and myself."

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Dating and Relationships in the Modern Age

Kelly opens up about the difficulties of dating as a 52-year-old single woman, dealing with inappropriate advances and the superficial nature of online dating interactions.

Kelly [38:09]: "They try to make it sexual quick... send swimsuit pics. That's insane."

Caleb empathizes with Kelly's experiences, discussing the pitfalls of dating apps and the superficial connections that often result from celebrity status.

Caleb [65:37]: "If someone thinks my life is so interesting that you would bother me like that on a dating app, what would make you think I would be like, oh, yeah, I'll talk to this stranger about whatever random person they're a fan of."

Kelly emphasizes her desire for meaningful connections based on shared beliefs and personalities rather than superficial traits.

Kelly [60:06]: "It's somebody that has the same beliefs that I do... honest and somebody that enjoys drinking beer on back roads and bonfires and good music."

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Work and Social Experiences

Kelly recounts her time working as a nurse at a women's prison, sharing poignant stories about the inmates and reflecting on issues like abuse and the criminal justice system.

Kelly [45:30]: "There was one in particular that she had killed her husband when she was 15... She had planned it, got life in prison."

Caleb and Kelly discuss the complexities of justice and rehabilitation, highlighting the emotional toll of working in such an environment.

Caleb [47:03]: "They killed the little man."

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Advice for Listeners

Throughout the episode, Kelly offers valuable advice for parents and individuals navigating personal challenges. She underscores the importance of open dialogue, setting boundaries, and self-respect in relationships.

Kelly [11:59]: "I always try to make sure that you guys looked very nice. So I guess that was a little heartbreaking for me that I feel like I did not succeed in that."

Caleb echoes these sentiments, emphasizing the role of supportive parenting in personal development.

Caleb [12:40]: "Was there anything I ever brought you that you were like, this is a struggle. I'm struggling to be supportive on this one."

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Closing Remarks

As the episode wraps up, Caleb and Kelly reflect on their relationship and express their love and support for each other. They discuss future episodes and the importance of maintaining strong familial bonds.

Kelly [72:01]: "I'm just thankful to be back and to see all of you and get to visit with all of you and hopefully Caleb will have me back again."

Caleb [57:54]: "Do you think you'd ever run for office? No, I think you'd be good in politics. We need people like you in politics."

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Notable Quotes

• Caleb [52:34]: "It's good that we didn't grow up with money. I'm sure I would be a dick otherwise."
• Kelly [12:48]: "I always, I was always very open with you. We always talked about everything, even sex, obviously."
• Kelly [34:37]: "It took a lot of self-healing. It took a lot of learning to love who I am and to learn what I have to bring to the table and that I deserve better."
• Caleb [65:37]: "If someone thinks my life is so interesting that you would bother me like that on a dating app, what would make you think I would be like, oh, yeah, I'll talk to this stranger about whatever random person they're a fan of."

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Conclusion

"My Mom Returns" offers an intimate glimpse into Caleb Hearon and his mother Kelly's lives, blending humor with heartfelt moments. Their candid discussions on parenting, personal growth, and the complexities of modern relationships provide listeners with both entertainment and valuable insights.

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Note: Advertisements and promotional segments present in the transcript have been omitted to focus solely on the podcast's core content.

Transcript

[Caleb]

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[Kelly]

Getcomperhead.Com I've been on several dates that normally I would have been like, oh, I'll just overlook those red flags. But as soon as I see a red flag, I'm like, no date's done and I'm not gonna see you again. Yeah, before I would have moved them in, they would have been your stepdad. I said, this is Johnny. He's living with us now.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I know. Kelly.

[Kelly]

Hey.

[Caleb]

You're nervous.

[Kelly]

A little.

[Caleb]

You said before that you were a little nervous.

[Kelly]

A little.

[Caleb]

Why are you scared of me?

[Kelly]

Scared of the outcome.

[Caleb]

Well, you've got fans now. From your first appearance on the show, you're getting stopped everywhere.

[Kelly]

That is not true.

[Caleb]

You sent me a video of you doing shots with a girl and you said, she's a fan of mine.

[Kelly]

That is true.

[Caleb]

And then you said, I told her where I live.

[Kelly]

Yes. And then I found out that she's my neighbor at my new house.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

So good job.

[Caleb]

And I said, hey, don't tell people where we live. And you said, oh, I didn't know. So we've got that going. What's going on with you?

[Kelly]

Well, you know, that's pretty much what I do. Go out and make friends and work.

[Caleb]

And go out and make friends. That's pretty much what you did tell me yesterday. You were like. You were like, yeah, I have to go to hospitals and try and get more people to be dialysis patients at my clinic, but I make friends everywhere I go. I thought. I thought that was pretty cute.

[Kelly]

Yeah, I do. I do. You guys can get that, right?

[Caleb]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You making friends wherever you go? Oh, yeah. People are seeing it.

[Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Caleb]

People are feeling it. Is that light bothering you?

[Kelly]

No.

[Caleb]

The light from the outside?

[Kelly]

No.

[Caleb]

Well, brother, what else is on your mind? I told you to think about some stuff. What do you got? What do you got in your brain? Any good stories of us?

[Kelly]

Of us?

[Caleb]

Yeah, there were none from. From my life. There's no good stories of us from my life. Well, what do we. Last time. What did we get into? We got into your how you did as a parent, and it was mixed reviews. We got into PlayStation Story.

[Kelly]

Yes, we did.

[Caleb]

People were mad about that. Yeah, people were real mad about that. They were mad at me. They called me ungrateful. They said they would have beat the shit out of me if they were my parent, et cetera.

[Kelly]

If you don't remember, Caleb called DFS on me because I took his PlayStation away. Yeah, we had home visits. It was nice.

[Caleb]

Talk, shit, get hit. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, I called dfs. I used my resources. I was a smart kid. I did have a chlamydia scare.

[Kelly]

Yes, you shared it with me.

[Caleb]

I called you about that.

[Kelly]

You did call me about that.

[Caleb]

I said, I might have chlamydia.

[Kelly]

I said, get that shit fixed. You better take some antibiotics.

[Caleb]

I did not have chlamydia. I briefly thought that I had chlamydia because someone that I was having sex with called me and said, hey, I have chlamydia. And I said, fuck, brother. And then when I was going to the clinic to get tested. Did I tell you this part? I don't know if I told you this part. I might have been in a little more serious mood. When I was walking into the clinic. I was in Chicago filming the HBO special, and I walked. I was walking into the clinic, and like, a block away from the clinic, this guy yelled. This, like, unhoused guy obviously was going through something. God bless. He yelled at me. I can't remember the exact order, but he yelled like, repent. And I was like, I'm closer than ever, my friend. Hey, you're calling out a good time. Cause I'm. I'm really thinking about it. Why is my phone ringing? Who do you think this would be? Oh, it's Holmes FaceTiming me. Should I answer?

[Kelly]

Of course you should.

[Caleb]

What do you want? Do you think you'll be able to hear that on Mike Homestead? I just want to see your face. I'm recording a podcast right now.

[Kelly]

Hey, homes.

[Caleb]

Yeah, we were. We were going to have you. Yeah, we were going to have you do an episode tomorrow, but due to your cowardice, we won't, I guess.

[Kelly]

Well, guess what? I was just calling to say what? I'm starting to say no a lot, and I feel really sick and scared.

[Caleb]

No. I think saying no is good, you know? I do it 15 times a day.

[Kelly]

That's why I called you. Okay, well, I wish I was there. I wish I said no to more sooner and was there instead. Kelly, I love you. Know you mean the world to me. Love you. Okay. Just know, you know this is gonna be the great episode. Wish I was there.

[Caleb]

I love you. I'll call you later. We'll do therapy at another time. Okay, Love you. Bye. That. That is an unwell person. And it's not because of non binary, but non binary is not helping. I'm serious. I think what happened is they started playing with gender and they realized that a lot of things are on the table for questioning. And now all of a sudden, everything. There's no rules.

[Kelly]

She can't even defend herself. You didn't do that while she was on the phone.

[Caleb]

They, mom, they. You have to use their pronouns. They're not. They do. She. They. I'm just giving you a hard time.

[Kelly]

I'm gonna work on that.

[Caleb]

They do both. You do it.

[Kelly]

I'll do me. How about that? I'll do me. That's what I'll do.

[Caleb]

She, they. How about I'll do me?

[Kelly]

How about that?

[Caleb]

You do. You do a good job with the pronouns. Yeah, I. You called that. We had a. We were at a restaurant maybe like a year ago, and you called. This server came over to the table. Like, you know, purple, blunt bangs, like piercings all over the face. Like my kind of people. And like, so clearly they. Them, like, so obviously are they. Them in the wild. And my mom was like, thank you, ma'.

[Kelly]

Am.

[Caleb]

And I was like, mom, I really doubt it, to be honest with you. My mom was like, oh, my bad. Okay, thank you.

[Kelly]

I do get in trouble a lot.

[Caleb]

Not trouble. I was just like, I doubt it. I doubt it's ma'. Am. To be honest, my hand slapped a little bit of that. Yeah. I don't feel like you.

[Kelly]

I take it gracious. I take it graciously.

[Caleb]

Yeah. I don't feel like. Do you feel like I'm ever. Do you feel like I'm ever mean to you about it?

[Kelly]

About that?

[Caleb]

About, like, progressive stuff? Am I ever the annoying liberal in your life? Yeah. Yeah.

[Kelly]

No, I think more than. I think more than anything, it's informative.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I think that's a really generous way to put it. Yeah, I try to just be informative. I don't think that I'm punitive about it. But you are also really good at taking a note. Like, you. If I'm like, if I'm like, hey, this is a reason we might not do that.

[Kelly]

You're like, okay, I'm so laid back. I don't.

[Caleb]

I think you're kind of. Your politics are kind of like Margaritaville coded. You're just like, it's five o' clock somewhere type shit.

[Kelly]

Five o' clock right now.

[Caleb]

I feel like you're like, whatever. All paired heads welcome.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Et cetera.

[Kelly]

Yeah. We talked about yesterday, how to fix Iraq and Iran. And I thought about it last night.

[Caleb]

Yeah. And I decided you just gave the most Midwestern mom pronunciation of those countries that I have ever heard in my life. Iraq and Iran.

[Kelly]

You're welcome.

[Caleb]

Thank you. So what do you think we're gonna do about it?

[Kelly]

Iraq, Iran? I think you could find me there. However you get there. And I'm going to make them.

[Caleb]

However you get there.

[Kelly]

Beer. I'm gonna take Miller Lite and make them hot wings and homemade ranch. And we're all gonna bond.

[Caleb]

Okay.

[Kelly]

And it's all gonna be better.

[Caleb]

Just so I'm clear, you're going to solve the conflict in the Middle east writ large by taking Miller Light and homemade chicken wings over there.

[Kelly]

And homemade ranch.

[Caleb]

And homemade. My bad. And homemade ranch. And what are you gonna do? Are you gonna give it to the people? Are you gonna get the leaders together? Cause I assume your goal is a ceasefire.

[Kelly]

It's gonna be the leaders.

[Caleb]

Right?

[Kelly]

Right. I mean, it works for you when you're sad or when I'm sad.

[Caleb]

Totally. I've never waged before Baron Miller Light.

[Kelly]

I've always felt much better after, I think.

[Caleb]

So I've never waged war or genocide on anybody, so I don't know if it would work on me or not, but we could try.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

So when are you gonna get around to that, you think? Cause it's kind of an urgent.

[Kelly]

Well, I just moved, so I gotta finish getting stuff put away to find.

[Caleb]

My pans and shit.

[Kelly]

But once I find all of that, then I think we'll get it set up.

[Caleb]

Once we finish getting move, we'll. We'll, I guess, fly to Iraq and. And then we'll figure it out.

[Kelly]

I did say Iraq.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Iraq and Iran. That's not your fault, though. That's Missouri. That's Missouri.

[Kelly]

It is.

[Caleb]

Yeah. We can't help ourselves.

[Kelly]

Thank you.

[Caleb]

I like that. I think, yeah, do that. Yeah, I think do that. That sounds good to me. We'll get you over there. Is there anything else. Is there anything at home you'd like to solve? You're already here, so. Anything in the States or Kansas City you'd like to get after?

[Kelly]

Well, there's a lot of things to fix. Same everywhere. Yeah, just, you know, more love and more respect for each other and things will be a lot better.

[Caleb]

I like you. I like the way you look at things, brother. What. What have you been listening to lately? You got any. You got any musicians you're big on right now?

[Kelly]

You know, I'm not good at finding new musicians like you are. I listen to a lot of old country. I listen to a lot of Shinedown. I listen to a lot of that's My fucking girl. Yeah, yeah, we listened to that a lot when you were growing up.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I got really lucky with you, actually, because when I was getting into my, like, angsty rock, pop, punk kind of phase, you were there for it.

[Kelly]

There was another one. And I'm afraid to say it, because I made a mistake and called a band wrong one time. And yeah, Caleb and his little friend gave me all sorts of hell forever.

[Caleb]

Well, I was. I was really. There was an era in middle school where I was really obsessed with Virginia doing her makeup off camera for seemingly no reason. Looked over to look at Virginia fully doing her makeup, not on camera today.

[Kelly]

She's on a schedule.

[Caleb]

I was really into Buck Cherry. Yeah, like, crazy bitch was like, huge for me for a moment there, and mom goes, mom goes. What's that? What's that band you keep listening to? Buckeye Cherry Eye. Not sure how she got it, but. Yeah, we never let her live that one down.

[Kelly]

But I think the other one, that was plain. Plain white teas.

[Caleb]

Plain white teas. Yeah, come on, girl. Come on, sister. Yeah, tell them about it.

[Kelly]

We used to like that.

[Caleb]

Yeah, we like plain white teas. And who did? Sick and tired. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

[Kelly]

Your mother, she was tired of being sick and tired.

[Caleb]

Turn the lights on. Who was that? And a state show. Oh, One hit wonder type. Okay, my bad. Yeah, you were there for all that. I like that. You also played me a lot of, like. What were you. You bring, like, Air Supply? Oh, yeah, when I was a kid.

[Kelly]

Dixie Chicks.

[Caleb]

Yeah, the Chicks.

[Kelly]

Shania Twain.

[Caleb]

Shania Twain. Yeah, Shania Twain. You're big on Shania.

[Kelly]

Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney, your little friends.

[Caleb]

Uhhuh. Yeah, we talked about that last episode. Well, Kel, what do you think? What do you think about parenting? What do you. What do you got any advice for people out there? People commented a lot on the last episode and said there are a lot of people with Mommy issues. Okay. In the comments, they said, this episode healed me. And I said, I said, try growing up with her. But do you have any, do you have any advice for the kids with maybe people with bad moms or people that are moms, that want to be good moms? Anything you want to give to the people?

[Kelly]

I would say the best thing that I did as a mom and for anybody, you know, I think, is that I always, I was always very open with you. We always talked about everything, even sex, obviously. And whatever we talked about, there was never any judgment. And I think it's very important to be able to talk with your kids and they need to be able to. I mean, you're supposed to be their main sports or system. So, you know, to feel comfortable coming and talking to your parent about anything I think is a, a very good thing for a child or a teenager or an adult even.

[Caleb]

I agree. Was there anything I ever brought you that you were like, this is a struggle. I'm struggling to be supportive on this one.

[Kelly]

When you had said to me, and you're probably not going to know where I'm going with this actually, because I don't think we've ever talked about this, so buckle up.

[Caleb]

Is it going to be really earnest and intense or is it going to be kind of light hearted, do you think?

[Kelly]

Well, I mean, you've came past it, so I've. It's probably okay.

[Caleb]

Okay.

[Kelly]

But when you were going to church all the time and then you stopped going to church and you said that you thought you were maybe atheist.

[Caleb]

Oh, yeah. You brought this up on the last episode.

[Kelly]

Yes.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

And I really struggled with that.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Atheism really pissed you off. Yeah, well, not even pissed you off. It actually made you really sad.

[Kelly]

It did make me sad.

[Caleb]

Yeah. You got really sad about atheism, so. Yeah, I'm not rocking like that anymore. Atheism was fun for a second, but.

[Kelly]

But stayed its course.

[Caleb]

Yeah, atheism was cool. I with it for a while. It was awesome. But then it started to feel like my version of Christianity, you know, Like I was just like so certain of it. I started to feel like a Christian. So of course I was being annoying. And then I was like, well, it's definitely not Christianity. I'm not feeling like atheism. I feel like, you know, we're just supposed to be nice and kind of vibe out until the end and then what? Something will happen.

[Kelly]

Yeah. There's been a few guys on the dating site that I've liked everything about them until I Got to that and they said they were an atheist. And I'm like, can't do that.

[Caleb]

Really?

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

What is that? You need them to be Christian?

[Kelly]

I don't need them to be anything, but I need them to have some sort of spiritual belief.

[Caleb]

Why?

[Kelly]

Why?

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Because I'm controlling. Because that's what Mama wants.

[Caleb]

Mom, you have great timing. You really should have been a comedian.

[Kelly]

I don't think so.

[Caleb]

You have great timing. Just let it all play out and then nail the punchline. There are comedians who would kill for what you have. Trust me. I have to watch them perform. Some of these people are struggling in the trenches. They could use a little bit of what Kelly's got going on.

[Kelly]

I can have 101 over at the house.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Have people over teach you.

[Kelly]

Notice I didn't say the address.

[Caleb]

No, that was good. That was progress, learning. Yeah. We're gonna have to start moving different, I think, on the address stuff. Okay. So atheism was tough for you. Heard that. Anything else that you're like, damn, what am I gonna do with this guy?

[Kelly]

I think I said that before. You were always a good kid.

[Caleb]

Okay, that's nice. That's nice. It's a little boring.

[Kelly]

I mean, it was a little frustrating when I just wanted a weekend to myself. And you would go to your dad's and like I said, you would call and say, yeah, I wanna come home.

[Caleb]

I actually really feel for you now that I know how hard being an adult is. At the time, I was like, this lazy bitch, like, fudgeing. Don't have a kid if you don't want to hang out with them, sister. You know, I was like, what is this girl's problem? But now that I know how hard being adult is or, you know, I was thinking about the other day, like, you. I would ask you to stop and get me stuff. I think a lot of kids do this. Like, I'd be like, oh, after work, can you stop and get me this toy or this. I want this meal for dinner or whatever.

[Kelly]

Driving two hours to work in two hours home.

[Caleb]

Yeah. And I. When you would say no, I would be like, this lazy psycho bitch. Like, I would be like, God, what a. This freak that I'm, like, having to live with. Like, I couldn't believe it. And now that I'm an adult, I'm like, if someone stopped. Asked me to stop on my way home from work, I would kill them and myself. Like, if I. At the end of a day. Kevin. Kevin asked me to hang out yesterday after I had, like, run ER. I ran errands all day yesterday, starting at like 7:30 in the morning, which for me, not for you, but for me, is very hard. I know you get up at like 4am or whatever, but I'm not used to that. And Kevin asked me to do something and I could have hit him. If he was in person, I would have hit him. And he wanted to like hang out and do something fun. And I was like, no, are you insane? I just had like a regular person's full day. This is not sustainable.

[Kelly]

This is ridiculous.

[Caleb]

This is not tenable. I can't live like this.

[Kelly]

And you should not have to.

[Caleb]

And you're above that. I pray that I never do. I don't want to have to have a kid calling me, asking for stuff when I'm leaving work.

[Kelly]

Oh, now back up. We do want you to have a kid.

[Caleb]

Oh, okay.

[Kelly]

We do want that.

[Caleb]

Okay.

[Kelly]

But they can call. They can call Nana. Nana. I do it.

[Caleb]

You think? Is Nana the grandma name you're going to go with?

[Kelly]

I think so.

[Caleb]

I kind of pegged you as a Gigi for some reason. A little too fierce. You think Nana?

[Kelly]

Mm.

[Caleb]

Okay. White people do a little too much with the grandma grandpa names. Like Nana's fine, I guess, but it's like Pip, Pap and neener. Like they do. It's like they go too far. They just do too much. It's like everyone's got their own little unique thing. They're like my Nim Nams. It's like, that's your grandma, you know?

[Kelly]

Well, I mean, honest, to make brownie points. They can call me whatever they want.

[Caleb]

Yeah, as long as I have the kids. Yes, right. That's heard. That's heard. I wish guys could get pregnant. I would get a boy pregnant. But they can't.

[Kelly]

But you wouldn't want to carry the job.

[Caleb]

Well, I guess trans guys can don't cut it. That was a learning moment. No, trans guys totally can, but a lot of them don't want to carry. So then what do I do? I guess I have to get a girl pregnant. I've asked Holmes if they. If they would have my kid. They're here. They're kind of on the fence about it.

[Kelly]

Holmes and what any other of the girls, I mean, do I have their numbers? I can call them.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I don't think they need. It's not you that they're needing to hear from. It's that they need to clock, check in with their own kind of timelines. And what they actually wanted, Holmes, is like A maybe. I think we're getting closer every day.

[Kelly]

Cause she's too busy.

[Caleb]

Well, I think she just is not like a baby incubator and has like a life and career.

[Kelly]

Well, that's selfish.

[Caleb]

Unfortunate for me. Yeah. It's Dom. It's like to have my kids, you know? Yeah, but who wouldn't want to? She wants to work. And so we're allowing that at the moment. Maybe Shelby would. Shelby probably like having my kids.

[Kelly]

It's a little disturbing that we're even talking about this, but. Yeah.

[Caleb]

Well, you're the one who wants me to have grandkids. What do you want me to do? I'm gay.

[Kelly]

I will. I will get on the site and find you someone.

[Caleb]

If I wasn't gay, I probably would have had a kid in high school on accident or something. But gay has made it like such a process calling Shelby to see if she'll have my kids.

[Kelly]

Okay.

[Caleb]

You know, if I was a Shelby forever, so.

[Kelly]

Hello, my king.

[Caleb]

What up? What are you doing?

[Kelly]

Nothing.

[Caleb]

You're on the pod. You're live on. So true.

[Kelly]

No way.

[Caleb]

Well, not live, but, you know. Hey, if. If I wanted you to have my babies, would you do it?

[Kelly]

Yeah. I'd at least give my eggs to sort of a surrogate if I was worried about my body.

[Caleb]

That's not the same thing. That's not the same thing.

[Kelly]

I think. Oh, I think I would, though. I think I would. It just depends. Sort of like where my career was.

[Caleb]

Yeah, see, this is. I'm friends with a lot of career women. That's tough. Okay, that makes sense. That makes sense.

[Kelly]

Wait nine months. I've been unemployed for like two years at a time.

[Caleb]

Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking. And I would take off work, too.

[Kelly]

Yeah, we could take off, like. And we could. Hey, like, you'd have to. It'd be nice because we'd be like, hanging out.

[Caleb]

I would do too. Like, while you were pregnant, I would take off work and do all the, like, sitcom dad stuff. Like, you could be like, I want pickles and ice cream. And I'd be like, yes, ma'. Am. And I'd run out to the store or whatever. You know how I would do that for you?

[Kelly]

Like an Egg McMuffin or something. Unless it was 7 o' clock at night. It's not even breakfast hours anymore. But you have to get it anyway because it's what I want.

[Caleb]

Yeah. All right, man. Well, I love you so much.

[Kelly]

Love you so much. Bye, everyone. It's been so, so nice talking to you.

[Caleb]

Well, you know who's here? I didn't even tell you. Oh, my mom.

[Kelly]

Hey, Shelb.

[Caleb]

Well, this was a lot of fun. We love you, girl.

[Kelly]

All right. We love you, girl.

[Caleb]

Bye, girl. So we solved that because she floated the surrogate thing, and then we kind of got back to. We'll just do it OG style. Okay, you claim that when I told you I didn't want to go to law school anymore and I wanted to be a comedian, you claim you didn't care, but I think you totally cared. I think you were upset about it. Do you think that's true? Did we talk about this last time, Chance? No, I think you were upset.

[Kelly]

No, I wasn't upset.

[Caleb]

I think, really, no, you know, that no one would be mad at you if you were upset. You could tell the truth.

[Kelly]

I always tell you the truth.

[Caleb]

Okay.

[Kelly]

Yeah. No, I wasn't. I wasn't upset. Did. I thought you would be a lawyer or a politician. That is what. That is what I thought. I did want you to go to college. Which you did.

[Caleb]

Yeah, well, I tried to drop out, and you got. You did get mad about that. Do you remember that?

[Kelly]

Well, I don't think we should give the people a bad impression of your mom. I think we should talk about those things.

[Caleb]

No, I think you were right. But you did get mad. I called you.

[Kelly]

I was upset about that.

[Caleb]

I called you. I was in New York. I had gone to. Well, I interned in New York, like, after my sophomore year of undergrad, and I loved it. And then I was like, of course, I'll come back and do school again. And then I did my junior year. And then after my junior year, I went back to New York. And then during that summer, I called you and was like, I'm dropping out of college. I'm going to be a comedian. I'm going to move to New York. And you were. That's maybe the most stern you've ever been with me. You were like, no, you're finishing school. And I was like, dude, there's no point. I don't want to do anything with my degree. Like, I'm just gonna. I need to come here and do this. And you're like, please, finish school.

[Kelly]

As it turned out, you were right.

[Caleb]

Well, not really. It was good that I finished school. I mean, I was so depressed the whole last year. I was like, you know, thinking about checking out early, but didn't do it. I was. I was so. You should have said you didn't. I know. Same. It would have been a total Logistical nightmare for you.

[Kelly]

Yeah. And what a waste of talent it would have been.

[Caleb]

That was really nice. That was a really nice thing to say. Thank you. It's a weird angle on don't kill yourself, but I think it was ultimately sweet. Have you seen any of this stuff? Wait, no. What were we talking about? Me killing myself my senior year of college. Didn't do it well. I was, like, really annoying, though. Chance was there. I was no fun to be around. I was a bad friend. I was annoying. I didn't like. I was my, you know, Dr. Holiday, my friend who was my professor at Missouri State. She. I was in one of her classes that year, and she was like, you're, like, one of the worst students I've ever had that year. It was crazy. I wouldn't, like, go to class. I wouldn't do anything. I was supposed to do bad stuff. But it was good. I finished. I'm glad I got a degree, I guess.

[Kelly]

I do remember I was driving to Springfield a lot.

[Caleb]

Oh, yeah.

[Kelly]

Like, almost every Sunday.

[Caleb]

Yeah. I was like, come on down, sister. Give me a reason to live. Take me to lunch.

[Kelly]

We'd always go to that hibachi. Yeah. What was the name of it?

[Caleb]

Who Hot.

[Kelly]

Who Hot.

[Caleb]

Yes. Shout out. Hoohah. For real. Shout out. Hoo. Hot. For real. Love you guys. Closest location to Kansas City's in Lawrence. Let's move. Let's inch it a little closer to the city. I think maybe we get one in. Kids, no, don't come over here, because we've got Genghis down the street.

[Kelly]

Is it open again?

[Caleb]

Yeah, they reopened. They reopened and we shouldn't. Don't come here. Hoohah. You're a chain. I'll go to the local spot. Do you know what I tried yesterday? I tried yesterday. I have this film camera that I want to get developed. Okay? I took it on tour and took a bunch of pictures and have all kinds of good pictures on there that I want now for me. And I took. I called four places in Kansas City, and I said, do you develop film cameras? And they are disposable film cameras. And two of them said, no. But then two of them said, no, and just take it to Walgreens. And I was like, just take it to Walgreens. I'm doing something here. I'm, like, trying to participate, you know? I'm trying to be like a good neighbor. Take it to Walgreens. It pissed me off. I was like, don't say that to people. I said to this woman, her name was like, Lauren or Loretta or something. She said, just take it to Walgreens, honey. I said, no, honey, don't tell people that. She said, okay. But then I took it. I found a place. Was it Walgreens in Overland Park? No, no, I had to go to Overland park about it. May as well have caught a flight.

[Kelly]

Yep.

[Caleb]

Drove all the way out there. But I felt good. I did feel good about it. I'm trying to do. I had to do the same thing yesterday. I had to buy a filter for the air conditioning. And the guy, the maintenance guy, really nice guy, liked him a lot. No shade if he's watching. Could you imagine my Kansas City AC maintenance guy is a gay podcast fan. No. I've never been more certain that someone doesn't who I am. And I love that about Mike. But he. He was like, you need a new filter. Just grab it off Amazon.

[Kelly]

So he was right. That's what it was.

[Caleb]

Well, it was more than that. But he was like, also get a new filter. My AC was broken on my second and third floor, so I was sleeping in my foyer for a night. But he told me to get the filter off Amazon. I said, mike, don't tell people that. And I said, is there. Do you know anybody local who sells them? He said, oh, yeah, there's some guys in West Bottoms. I said, okay, well, I would lead with that. That was easy. I could go to West Bottoms, you know, or they weren't in West Bottoms, they were in River Market.

[Kelly]

And that's why all of the small town people are not making it.

[Caleb]

They killed the little man.

[Kelly]

They killed the little man.

[Caleb]

Alan Jackson's been saying, but I'm trying to do my part. But I thought. Thought that it was crazy that three different people who benefit from people shopping local said, go buy from Walgreens, go to Walgreens, go to Amazon. I said, we should at least stop telling people that. At least make people feel bad. We should shame people a little bit, you know?

[Kelly]

Yeah, I bet she never thought another minute about it after you got off the phone.

[Caleb]

You don't know that. You don't know my impact, Kel. I might have. She might have had a real. It might have triggered something for her. I became a better person by people being mean to me.

[Kelly]

Who was ever mean to you?

[Caleb]

Abby and Taylor.

[Kelly]

Taylor for sure.

[Caleb]

Abby and Taylor for sure. When I was like 15 and started floating some Republican ideas, I said, suck it up.

[Kelly]

Those are your sisters.

[Caleb]

Yeah. I floated a couple Republican ideas because it was really, you know, in vogue. Everyone was kind of being Republican at school. And so I thought, what if I was like that? And then I think I said like two things to them and they said, you're a idiot, shut up. And I said, no worries.

[Kelly]

Consider it done.

[Caleb]

No, I didn't think that way anymore. I said, okay, sounds good girls. Thank you. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. We all could use a good website in this day and age, I tell you what. And Squarespace has so many awesome features to get yours up and running. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap. Of course I know what that means and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Head to squarespace.com SOTrue for a free trial. Ideal customer? That was my nickname in college. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code so true to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. With new McValue and McDonald's you get more than you expect. So after a long day, buy a double cheeseburger and add a McChicken for a dollar because saving with deals is always on the menu with MCvalue. Prices and participation may vary valid for item of equal or lesser value. Craving your next action packed adventure? Audible delivers thrills of every kind on your command. From electrifying suspense and daring quests to spine tingling horror and romance in far off realms. You can find them all with Audible. Title I've enjoyed recently is Psalm by David Eagleman. Audible lets you unleash your adventure aside with gripping titles that keep you guessing, exclusive, captivating Audible originals, new releases and bestsellers. Whether it's heart pounding suspense like the Audible original, Mad Love, a fantasy romance adventure like Onyx Storm or Listen with the lights on epic like Stephen King's latest Never Flinch, plus more big releases like Freedom McFadden's The Tenon and Amelia Hart's the Sirens. Audible has over a million audiobooks, podcasts, and originals all in one easy app. One of my favorite things about the Audible app is how easy they make it to see all the audiobooks you've collected over the year in their library tab. Start listening and discover what's beyond the edge of your seat. New members can try Audible now free for 30 days, and dive into a world of new thrills. Visit audible.com so true or text so true to 500. 500. That's audible.com so true. Or take so true to 500. 500. What was I going to tell you or ask you? It was not about any of that. I got so off course. You wanted me to be a lawyer. You really wanted me to be a lawyer. You thought I was going to be a lawyer from when?

[Kelly]

From when you were probably in middle school, I think, is when you first started talking about being a lawyer.

[Caleb]

That's such a. Did any part of you that go like, you have a middle school kid saying he wants to be a lawyer, that's like a loser? Did any part of you go, like, my kid's a loser?

[Kelly]

No, I supported whatever you wanted. I'm like, yay, Go, Caleb.

[Caleb]

Yeah. I think he should have thought that I was a loser.

[Kelly]

No, never.

[Caleb]

Like 10. And you want to be a lawyer?

[Kelly]

Only when I wanted to go out and party and I had to come get you from your dad's, and then I had to stay home.

[Caleb]

You really hung up on that.

[Kelly]

I really thought you were loser.

[Caleb]

You really hung up on that, huh?

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Yeah. It's been a long time. You've got a lot of freedom now.

[Kelly]

I do.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

And I've more than made up for it.

[Caleb]

What?

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Why'd you say it like that? What do you mean?

[Kelly]

I go out. I do whatever I want.

[Caleb]

Yeah. That's nice.

[Kelly]

That's nice.

[Caleb]

What are you doing when you go out?

[Kelly]

Which part of the time?

[Caleb]

Like, when you go out. What do you mean? Like, you're going to a bar. Are you going always with your friends? Are you going out alone? What are you doing out there?

[Kelly]

Either.

[Caleb]

Either?

[Kelly]

Yeah. Like, it took me. It took me a long time to get to that. Where I felt comfortable just going in somewhere by myself. And a lot of my friends still don't. They will not go in and sit at a bar by themselves, and I do.

[Caleb]

How do you think you got over that?

[Kelly]

I don't know. I think I just got so bored because most of my friends are Married. I think I just got so bored with, you know, sitting at home by myself. I was like, screw it. I'm gonna go. I went and sit at Buffalo Wild Wings for an hour and a half yesterday by myself. Made friends with the people beside me and made friends with the bartender. It was Ogdell. They tried to get me to stay and watch the wing eating contest last night, but I said I can't.

[Caleb]

Why couldn't you?

[Kelly]

Well, because. I don't know if I'm gonna blame you or Chance, but somebody scheduled this for sometime around noon today, and I knew I had to get some sleep. And I didn't know where any of my stuff was since I just moved, so I had to find it.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Or else she would have stayed for the wing eating competition.

[Kelly]

Absolutely. I might have joined in. Who knows?

[Caleb]

I love you, girl. What can I say? So you made friends last night?

[Kelly]

I did.

[Caleb]

When you make. When you make friends out, do you, like, get their information?

[Kelly]

Sometimes. Last night I didn't get these ladies information. They weren't from here. They were in town for something.

[Caleb]

Where were they from?

[Kelly]

I didn't catch that. But they said they were here on vacation.

[Caleb]

Where were. Where were you?

[Kelly]

I was at Buffalo Wild Wings in Belton.

[Caleb]

In Belton. They were in Belton on vacation. Well, obviously, one struggle.

[Kelly]

I didn't say I make classy friends. I said I make friends. I don't judge.

[Caleb]

Yeah, what's going on here? These people are going to come in here.

[Kelly]

They want to.

[Caleb]

They want to come in here bad, and I feel bad for them because they probably want to buy something. We can get them something later. They'll come back. They're getting straight back in the car. They're getting straight back in the car. It's okay. They'll see this later. They'll understand at a different time. Those are fans. Those might be fans. That girl looks like the girl that just walked up to the door, looks like she fought people in middle school.

[Kelly]

Good God.

[Caleb]

Those are my fans. Those are my fans. The girls that, like, wanted to fight so bad that they would stick up for kids they didn't even believe in, you know what I'm saying? Like, they didn't actually care that kid was getting picked on. But they'd be like, how about you talk to him one more time? I'll hit you. Like they just wanted to hit someone. Those are my fans.

[Kelly]

Those are good fans to have BLEEP her name.

[Caleb]

But that was my girl. She wore a South Pole jacket every day, even when it was hot. And she Beat the shit out of people on the votec bus. She beat people up on the VO tech bus. And she was right, by the way. She was a nasty woman. How do you. I'm not. Not derogatory. What's the other one? Complimentary. She was a nasty woman. Slay. I loved her. Well behaved women rarely make history. All adventurous women do. Lena Dunham, etc. You know what I mean? Anyway, we weren't talking about that. We were talking about you. You make friends a lot when you go out. How do you. Okay, so. But what you didn't. I don't remember your answer to. How did you get over. How did you get, like. Because you used to be a woman who, like, would entertain men. That sucked. Just to have somebody around.

[Kelly]

Absolutely.

[Caleb]

You've identified that as part of your.

[Kelly]

Thing for many years.

[Caleb]

How did you break out of that?

[Kelly]

Oh, it took a lot of self healing.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

It took a lot of learning to love who I am and to learn what I have to bring to the table and that I deserve better.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

You know, I. Unfortunately, that's. You know, we talked about that on the last podcast. That's one of the biggest things. If I would change something from your childhood that I would. Is the. The men I had in and out because I thought that I had to have someone. So it's probably just been in the last three years that I've really gotten so that I don't feel that way. And how I know that I'm completely past it is I've been on several dates that normally I would have been like, oh, I'll just overlook those red flags. But as soon as I see a red flag, I'm like, no date's done. And I'm not gonna say you again.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Before I would have moved them in, they would have been your stepdad. I'd have said, this is Johnny. He's living with us now.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I know, I know. I would have been having quite a few meals with that guy.

[Kelly]

You would have. Yes.

[Caleb]

And his ideas about the world would have been not normal, but they would.

[Kelly]

Have been our way. You listen to your stepdad. He knows what's right.

[Caleb]

Oh, Kelly, you cracked me up. Yeah, that was bad. That was bad. But you got over it somehow.

[Kelly]

But now that it's just me, I demand to have better.

[Caleb]

Yeah, yeah. Now that. Now that you have to put up with it alone, now we have to do better.

[Kelly]

Exactly.

[Caleb]

Yeah. That's no fair. That's no fair. I say go back. Just kidding. Obviously. That is so funny. Wait what was I gonna ask you? Oh. Do you think that you made me gay or do you think I turned out G? Cause I think you had a role in it.

[Kelly]

I think there's so many things I did that could have turned you gay.

[Caleb]

Yeah, for sure.

[Kelly]

But I think. I mean, let's be honest, from a very young age, I think we knew that.

[Caleb]

What?

[Kelly]

I think we knew.

[Caleb]

What do you mean?

[Kelly]

That you were gay.

[Caleb]

How so?

[Kelly]

Well, I think we talked last time about the little panties, didn't we?

[Caleb]

I like silk underwear. That's not. We did talk about this, and I think you got in trouble by me for that. Cause that's not inherently gay.

[Kelly]

No, it doesn't. But you like to wear her dresses and stuff, too.

[Caleb]

Dresses are pretty.

[Kelly]

They are pretty.

[Caleb]

Pretty I don't like.

[Kelly]

And the fact that you wanted to be pretty made me think that maybe you might have some gay tendencies.

[Caleb]

Nice. Gay tendencies. I've got gay tendencies. All right, sister. Come on. Come on. Am I right?

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Nice. Okay. Yeah. I think you had a role, though. Do you think people were born?

[Kelly]

What role do you think I had?

[Caleb]

Just, like, your energy. Like, you clearly wanted to gay song whether you knew it or not. You know what I mean?

[Kelly]

You're gonna have to go deeper into what my energy was.

[Caleb]

You just, like, wanted a gay son. You, like, wanted somebody to key with. You wanted to key with me so bad. You loved when I was sassy.

[Kelly]

Oh, I did love that. And we were. We did a lot of shopping and stuff together.

[Caleb]

So, I mean, I guess, yeah, stuff like that. You wanted me to be gay so bad.

[Kelly]

And I didn't encourage you to do boy things.

[Caleb]

No, you didn't.

[Kelly]

But you did. You played football. You played.

[Caleb]

You did one time, though. Do you remember? Do you remember? I think we've talked about this, but the. It was like 105 degrees out and I didn't want to go to football practice. And you're like. You're like, don't be a baby. And you're, like, mean to me about going to football practice.

[Kelly]

Well, because I'm a big believer that if you start something, you should finish it.

[Caleb]

Yeah, but that's, like, kind of boring. That's a little Republican coded.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

If it's 105, your kid doesn't have to go to football practice, I think.

[Kelly]

Oh, he went.

[Caleb]

He did.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

That was really the only time you were on me about doing a boy thing. Other than that, you were pretty chill. Yeah, I could do kind of whatever I wanted. Type.

[Kelly]

Yeah. Because I wanted to do what I wanted.

[Caleb]

Yeah. You didn't get to, though. That's the hard part about having kids. Yeah, you kind of have to like, stop doing what you want. That's why I'm driving.

[Kelly]

Okay.

[Caleb]

What? It was okay being a parent.

[Kelly]

No, being a parent was great.

[Caleb]

Okay, cool. I was worried about that being your review of it. No, it was okay.

[Kelly]

I loved being a parent.

[Caleb]

I want to talk more about your stuff with relationships. I think it's interesting. So you fixed it. Now you're not letting just any man in. How have your dates been going recently? Well, you told me something so gross. You told me that these men that you're dating will try to, like, before you've even met up. Like, try to make it sexual quick.

[Kelly]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Caleb]

Like, like middle aged men on. You're doing like Facebook dating, right? Yeah, that's. That makes me really. I wish you wouldn't because Facebook is such a.

[Kelly]

Because to be honest, I'm not committed enough to the dating scene to actually go on a dating site. Yeah, like, I'm totally cool with just doing my own thing right now.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I like that. That's cool. But Facebook dating. These guys are being like, send swimsuit pics.

[Kelly]

Yes. Oh, they say more stuff than that.

[Caleb]

That's insane.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Men are disgusting.

[Kelly]

They are.

[Caleb]

Don't you feel like that's really gross?

[Kelly]

Animals.

[Caleb]

It genuinely were animals. That's insane. But what is the dating pool for single guys your age?

[Kelly]

That's the worst part is that, you know, I'm 52 years old. I could see that at 20.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Ain't nobody want to see any of this at 52.

[Caleb]

Well, I think you're wrong because they're on Facebook drooling like dogs. These guys are in your Facebook DMs asking for bikini pics. That's crazy.

[Kelly]

That is crazy.

[Caleb]

That's crazy. What is that? I don't know. I feel for you because I'm like, where are you supposed to meet? Well, you went on a date with a guy who didn't like gay people.

[Kelly]

Yeah, actually. Actually we. And he was from back home. I should have.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

But he said that. That he didn't know how his family or them would deal with. With gay people coming to Thanksgiving. I said, fuck you, I'm gone. Yeah, I went. I'd went on a Thursday and I was supposed to stay the whole weekend. I took Friday off of work and this was Friday morning. We had the conversation and I packed up my stuff and I went home.

[Caleb]

Let's go.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

What is that? That's so funny because I don't think of a lot of people where we're from, even having those ideas anymore.

[Kelly]

You know, honestly, it took me by surprise because you have said several times that there's still people like that in this world.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I mean, I know they're out.

[Kelly]

There, but I hadn't really ran into them. And it disgusts me actually. You know, that we're that closed minded that we can't accept someone for who they are.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Yeah, but you've been saying this. You've been on this.

[Kelly]

Oh, yeah. I've always felt that way.

[Caleb]

But you were cool with gay people a long time ago.

[Kelly]

I was.

[Caleb]

And trans people. You're rocking out.

[Kelly]

I don't care what people do.

[Caleb]

Yeah, it's weird. I mean, life's hard enough. Why would I care what anyone does?

[Kelly]

Don't judge me. And I'm not gonna judge you. And it's all gonna be fine.

[Caleb]

Right on, sister. That's what I've been saying. You stole that from me.

[Kelly]

No, I think you got it from me.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I don't know. Dating. Dating single 50 year old straight men in Missouri. Phew. It sends a chill down the spine. Making money moves should be easy. And that's why there's Cash app. It's fast, safe, and honestly, just way more personalized than other apps out there. No extra hoops to jump through, no extra stress. All the tools are right there to help you cash in. Plus, sending money with Cash App actually feels safe. They look out for you. If something seems sketchy or they see you might be sending money to a potential scammer, they'll warn you and make you think twice before you hit send. It's like having a personal bodyguard for your cash. Anytime I'm out to dinner with friends and that check hits the table, everyone starts scrambling to figure out how we're possibly going to split the bill. Then Cash App always makes that process about a thousand times smoother. That's actually just an ad read. I actually usually pay the bill, so I'm not asking people to pitch in, but if I did, you can even spice up your payments with custom tech stamps and backgrounds. Because why should paying your friend for brunch be so boring? If for whatever insane reason you don't already have Cash app, just download it from your phone's app store sign up, enter our code so true in your profile, send $5 to a friend and you'll get $10 just for getting started again for a limited time only new Cash app users can use Our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real. There's no catch. Download Cash App Sign up. Use our exclusive referral code so true in your profile. Send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash app. Remember that doctor's appointment you were supposed to make a while ago? That one you meant to book but you got sidetracked and completely forgot about until now? You know that dentist appointment for your biannual cleaning overdue checkup? It's been three years. In the May came dermatologist appointment for that rash. It's been looking a little off. Why not book it today? Zocdoc Doc. Zocdoc makes it easy to find the right doctor right now. And it's all online. You'll probably be able to book an appointment before the end of this ad. For gosh sakes. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment. With Zocdoc, you can book in network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care and more. You can filter for Doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, are a good fit for any medical needs you may have, and are highly rated by verified patients. I've said it a million times y'. All. The unverified patients, they're a tyranny. These patients are verified. Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. Appointments made through Zocdoc also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. More often than not, you can even get same day appointments. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com so true to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.comShowTrues Octdoc.comShowTrue to think about.

[Kelly]

It's. It's been fun. Yeah.

[Caleb]

What are you gonna do? You ever. I mean I brought it up last time, but of course I have to bring it up again just because I like to check in with you. I think that you would be very happy with lesbianism. I do. I think that you and a woman would make a beautiful partnership.

[Kelly]

I think that. And I think I said this before I could live with a woman. I could. I think we would have a wonderful Relationship, But I don't think I could do the sexual part.

[Caleb]

Yeah, that's true. Since some people are just straight and there's nothing wrong with that. I love you no matter what.

[Kelly]

Strictly dickly. That's what they used to say at the women's prison.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Yeah, they were strictly dickly. Gay for the stay, and gay all the way. Those are.

[Caleb]

Those are the three genders.

[Kelly]

Yes. I learned a lot working there.

[Caleb]

I. This is good. This is good. This, the women's prison is good. What did you learn working there?

[Kelly]

I learned I didn't want to go to prison, for one thing.

[Caleb]

Why is that? Like, what. What did you not know before that you needed to know to be convinced?

[Kelly]

Well, I pretty much knew before, but just seeing some of the things and hearing some of the things that go on. Besides, I would have been someone's bitch.

[Caleb]

Mom.

[Kelly]

I'm sorry, but I couldn't do it, Mom.

[Caleb]

Why do you say that?

[Kelly]

Because I'm so laid back and shy and I don't know how to fight. I wouldn't be able to fight my way out of it.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I guess maybe you would have been.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

That's crazy. What else did you learn in there? You worked at the women's prison for. You were a nurse at the women's prison for two years. Two years. And can. Can you talk about anyone that was in there when you were there, or. No.

[Kelly]

No, but there was. There was a lot of them that I truly felt deserve to be there.

[Caleb]

Why?

[Kelly]

There was one in particular that I remember that she had killed her husband when she was 15. So that alone tells you that she had had a rough life.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Supposedly he was very abusive, but because she had, I guess, planned it, she got life in prison. She was in her 40s.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

And she'd been in prison that whole time? Yeah, I think that's a bit much.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

And I felt very bad for her. She. She had always been a model prisoner. So some. Some people like that because, you know, back then. So that would have been, what, 30 years ago, 40 years ago, when she committed the crime?

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

I think that there wasn't as much talk about women being abused and about they should have the right to protect themselves or. And so there were people in there for that reason and had been in there for many years. And I felt bad for them. Yeah, I think they had served their time.

[Caleb]

So you think that she should have served time, but that she should have not gotten a life sentence?

[Kelly]

I don't know exactly which. Which one I feel, but I definitely Think that she should have been released way before then.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

I mean, you don't even know who you are at 15 years old, so there were some sad cases in there.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Yeah. I think I remember you talking about it when I was younger, and there were a lot of women in there that were in there because they. Yeah. Killed a man who was abusing them or, like, a lot of it was, like, people who had no options, just, like, doing what they kind of had to do.

[Kelly]

No, there was one that was in there for embezzlement, and she's like. She's like, I was just tired of being poor. I want some money too. I'm like, girl, girl. I get you, queen.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Hey, shout out.

[Kelly]

I mean, you tried.

[Caleb]

How was she in there for a long time?

[Kelly]

I think she got, like, 10 years.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

I probably did half of it.

[Caleb]

I don't know. You win some, you lose some when you have Bezel.

[Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, she was probably living her best life for a while.

[Caleb]

Yeah. But, you know, when people embezzle, they always get caught. Chance in Virginia. Oh, they always get caught.

[Kelly]

Oh.

[Caleb]

And the law always wins.

[Kelly]

It's weird to me that he would throw you guys under the bus like that.

[Caleb]

Not throwing under the bus. Just having a conversation. Just talking about what happens to people who steal from their boss.

[Kelly]

I'd cut that part. Chance.

[Caleb]

No, we're gonna leave it. We'll leave it. This is gonna be.

[Kelly]

We're gonna let his fans know.

[Caleb]

We're gonna call this. Excuse me, Exhibit C. Was there anyone else in there that you really loved or any other. Any other situation that you were like, yeah, hell, yeah, or hell, no, I guess. Although, that's sadder.

[Kelly]

Yeah. I don't want to talk about those situations.

[Caleb]

I know you don't. You're probably on the verge of tears already.

[Kelly]

I'm doing pretty good today.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

I don't think we'd been talking 10 minutes last time, and I was.

[Caleb]

Yeah, you cried immediately. Well, we got in. This is a more playful episode. I'll say. Last one. We pretty much. Immediately I was like, here's. Here's my trauma.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

What did you cry about so soon? Last time you cried, like, immediately.

[Kelly]

Something I had done to you in your childhood. It was the Christmas thing. It was the tv.

[Caleb]

Oh, my God. Dude. People were so mad at me about that, too. They were like, how dare you? I'm like. I'm like, I was a kid. I was a child. They didn't like me. They were on your side the whole way, which is like, yeah, hindsight. As. As adults, we can both be on your side.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

How's my hair look?

[Kelly]

It looks pretty good. I'm really liking your shirt, though.

[Caleb]

Is it being normal today?

[Kelly]

Did you look at my hair and then say that?

[Caleb]

No, no, I was thinking about. I was thinking about one of the clips where people were mad at me from our last episode. I didn't like the way my hair looked, and I was like, God, on top of everything, you guys are mad at me. You're on my mom's side and I look foolish.

[Kelly]

Anyway, you look very dapper today.

[Caleb]

It wasn't important. Thanks, Mom. Anyway, yeah, you cried about that. But what. What are the. Was there anyone else in the prison that you were like, yeah, it's cool what you did. You're pro embezzlement. We learned that.

[Kelly]

I don't know. Those are the. Those are the ones that really stand out.

[Caleb]

Dude, you gotta understand not wanting to be poor anymore.

[Kelly]

I get it.

[Caleb]

We were so poor when I was growing up. It was. It sucked.

[Kelly]

We were so poor.

[Caleb]

Hated that.

[Kelly]

You did a podcast recently that. Oh, that made me cry.

[Caleb]

Okay, okay, what did I say?

[Kelly]

Well, all I gotta say is one word and you're gonna know which podcast it was.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Gap.

[Caleb]

Oh, God. You texted me about this? Yeah, yeah, go ahead, tell your story.

[Kelly]

He's like, we were so poor, we had to wear hand me downs and mom would go to Goodwill. Bring home perfectly fine clothes is what you said.

[Caleb]

I'm so mad at you about Goodwill.

[Kelly]

Good. Be like.

[Caleb]

Well, look, some of my friends at school had new name brand stuff, and it was like Under Armour. And you remember when Under Armour was, like, popping off when I was a kid. I bet you do. And. And it was like you couldn't get under Armor. Armor hand me down, you know, because it wasn't even old enough for that yet. So I was, like, very insecure because I was a kid and kids are stupid and I wanted the name brands that everyone else was wearing and we couldn't afford them.

[Kelly]

I think what really made me sad about it was that you remember getting that Gap sweater and how happy you were to get something new, and then you were kicked in the balls, basically.

[Caleb]

Yeah, well, the story from the. I don't remember whose podcast this was on, but the story was that I wore a brand new Gap sweater and I was proud to have, like, something name brand because we didn't get to do that.

[Kelly]

And you didn't even make it on the bus, did you?

[Caleb]

I was at the bus stop, so I was at the bus stop and stuff.

[Kelly]

Someone.

[Caleb]

I didn't. I was like a sweet kid. And I didn't know really what bullying was. And so someone was like. Someone was like, hey, nice sweater. And I was like, thanks.

[Kelly]

My mama got it for me.

[Caleb]

I was like, thanks. My mom bought it for me. Brand new. And then they were like. They were like, oh, really? Yeah. Gap actually stands for Gay ass people.

[Kelly]

Yes.

[Caleb]

And I was like, I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know you could.

[Kelly]

Like, so what did you do?

[Caleb]

I was like. I was on the verge of tears. I was like. I was like. That was literally the moment I learned about bullying. I was like, I didn't know you could make someone feel good in order to make them feel bad. I was shocked. It was like new technology to me. It was like you had told me what an atom bomb is. I was like, you can't do that. It was crazy.

[Kelly]

He turned it inside out.

[Caleb]

I turned it inside out.

[Kelly]

By the rest of the day, it never wore it again.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

But I always tried to make sure that you guys looked very nice. So I guess that was a little heartbreaking for me that I feel like I did not succeed in that. In that department.

[Caleb]

You did. We always looked good. We always had. We always had. And you know what it taught me? It built character.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

It's good that we didn't grow up with money. I'm sure. I'm sure I would be. God, can you imagine what I would be like if we grew up with money?

[Kelly]

You'd probably be a dick.

[Caleb]

I probably. I'm thinking about becoming one now.

[Kelly]

I'm glad you. I'm glad you grew up poor. Nice.

[Caleb]

Thanks. I think we both.

[Kelly]

I like what it's done for you.

[Caleb]

Yeah. We both have to be okay with it. Cuz it's what happened. Yeah. Being poor sucks, dude. It does not Good.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

No fun. How'd you do it?

[Kelly]

I worked a lot.

[Caleb]

You did. And you never did the. You. You never did like food stamps or anything. Even though we probably should have. Huh?

[Kelly]

That's correct.

[Caleb]

What was your hang up about that?

[Kelly]

I don't know. I just. I just felt you were my responsibility.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Would have been better for you to have some help though. Do you think you would do it differently now? Or rather, what would you do differently now? Knowing the stuff, you know.

[Kelly]

You might not have been here.

[Caleb]

You wouldn't have had kids.

[Kelly]

Well, I don't know that I would have had them at 18 and 21.

[Caleb]

I don't think you should have had kids that I don't think. Yeah. I think I'm on your. Well, you know, you don't like when I say this, but you should have definitely had an abortion with Colton.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

You were way too young to be having a kid.

[Kelly]

I was young.

[Caleb]

But you. Did you consider abortion or. No, I forget your ideas on that at one point.

[Kelly]

I did, but not. Not so much because I didn't want him, but because I was so sick and so depressed that I was like, I got nothing to give.

[Caleb]

Yeah. You know, get this guy out of here.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Yeah. But you didn't do it. Do you regret it?

[Kelly]

No.

[Caleb]

Nice. I just have to check. I'm an interviewer.

[Kelly]

No.

[Caleb]

No worries. It's cool.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Nice. Yeah, I think it's. It's unfortunate that that anti abortion people will use examples of, like, women who didn't get abortions. Like, for you, for example, you're so glad you had your kids. You like your life. You're like, love your kids. Now you have kids that are out in the world, that are adults. And I would use that as, like, a reason that we shouldn't have it or that people shouldn't do it. I think that sucks.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Because I think there's so many examples of people who are in your same situation that did get an abortion that it saved their life or allowed them to do X, Y and Z, or allowed them to have kids in a better way in the future, et cetera.

[Kelly]

I just don't think that you can. I don't think you can judge any situation, you know, like. Because every situation is different. I mean, had I had an abortion, would my life have turned out different? Yes. Would it have been better? I doubt it. I like my life.

[Caleb]

I like your life, too. It would be different. You might have. Yeah. Who knows what would have happened for you? It doesn't matter. It's not the choice that you made. It's not the life that you have. But, yeah, I think. I think if there's a woman in your situation who's 18 and pregnant and doesn't know what she's gonna do with a baby, she doesn't have to struggle through it just because she should do.

[Kelly]

Whatever she needs to do. I think that when I got pregnant with Cole and then I went, you know, I just gotten out of high school, which my plan was always to be a nurse. I think I would have went to college and I would have been drunk and stupid, and I wouldn't have graduated and. But I think because I had kids and I went, when I was a little older. I took it a little more serious.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Kelly]

I think everything happens for a reason.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Yeah, I like that idea. But by the time you got around to getting pregnant with me, you should have been a little more careful. I don't know what you were thinking then. Second kid with that guy.

[Kelly]

You've seen my run of men.

[Caleb]

What'd you say?

[Kelly]

You've seen my run of men.

[Caleb]

Your run of men? Yeah, I have. It's an interesting lineup, actually.

[Kelly]

I really liked your dad. I think I told you that in the last broadcast.

[Caleb]

My dad was cool, but. Yeah, he obviously wasn't ready to be a parent. No, he was bad at that.

[Kelly]

No, he didn't like the idea at all.

[Caleb]

No. Shout out to the big guy. Yeah, I get it. If I could get people pregnant on accident, my life would be hell. I would have had a kid already. That would have been a nightmare.

[Kelly]

It would have.

[Caleb]

What would I have done? How are you guys were like 23, 4.

[Kelly]

21.

[Caleb]

21. Jesus Christ. Yeah. If I had a kid at 21 on accident, if I was having sex with women and whoever. Any person I had text me, said, I'm pregnant and I'm keeping it, I'd been like, damn, can I change your mind? Anything we can do to change that idea or. No, that's just crazy to me, but shout out to people getting pregnant for real. And shout out to you.

[Kelly]

Make it a goal.

[Caleb]

And shout out to you for keeping it. Yeah, I definitely, if I were you, would have aborted me.

[Kelly]

Do you know how many people have thanked me for having you? It's. It's a beautiful thing, really.

[Caleb]

That's. That's.

[Kelly]

I got thanked today for having you.

[Caleb]

That's very sweet. Yeah, that's. Well, you know, they didn't have to put up with it.

[Kelly]

You know, I just did what I did.

[Caleb]

They weren't there. I just did what I did. I just had sex with Caleb's dad.

[Kelly]

And, well.

[Caleb]

And, well, here he is now. You have a giftcaster in the world. Not enough of us, by the way, gay podcasters. I'm gonna become like one of those right wing, populate the world type people. But instead of for making Christians, I'm gonna be like, we need to make more gay podcasters.

[Kelly]

I think if anybody can do it, you can.

[Caleb]

What would you do if I became really right wing? Would you support me?

[Kelly]

Still support whatever you decide.

[Caleb]

Nice. That's technically the wrong answer, but was beautiful nonetheless. That's technically not correct, but I love that you Feel that way?

[Kelly]

I do.

[Caleb]

You think you'd ever run for office? No, I think you'd be good in politics. We need people like you in politics. People who want nothing to do with it.

[Kelly]

Like, have a beer and do whatever you want.

[Caleb]

Straight up, dude. Yeah, that would be an incredible platform. A nurse from Missouri who's just like, everybody, have a Miller Light and chill the fuck out. Yeah, that's a good platform. You should run. Not for like president or anything. I wouldn't do that to you.

[Kelly]

What do you think I could do?

[Caleb]

You could do whatever you wanted, but I think you'd be an incredible. Maybe in the Missouri House of Representatives. You'd be really good at it, Mom. They'd be lucky to have you over there.

[Kelly]

Well, yeah, they'd be lucky to have me right now.

[Caleb]

It's a lot of dim witted fucking freaks in that building. Oh, they are. You don't have to agree, but. Good God. I don't know if you've heard any of these people talk, but it's like the. It's like the fucking Hills have Eyes. If it were a Congress. Jesus fucking Christ. We are so fucked. These people. It's like Deliverance, but less intellectual. It's crazy. We could get you in there. You could do some cool stuff. Would you ever consider it?

[Kelly]

But then I'd have to work with all those people.

[Caleb]

I know, but someone's got to do it. Someone's got to do it. Or maybe city council.

[Kelly]

I could maybe take one for the team.

[Caleb]

I think it'd be cool of you is all I'm saying. What would your platform be? What would you do for real?

[Kelly]

I have no idea. You would have to come up with my platform.

[Caleb]

That's what I like about you as a candidate.

[Kelly]

I would embrace whatever you gave me.

[Caleb]

I love that vision.

[Kelly]

Yes.

[Caleb]

I love the way you think, baby girl. It's good shit. It's good shit.

[Kelly]

Thanks, bro.

[Caleb]

So Virginia wants to know what's on your dating profile. You're. It's just Facebook, right? It's just your Facebook profile.

[Kelly]

No, it's just like a dating app. It's Facebook dating.

[Caleb]

Oh, yeah. God, these fucking tech billionaires. They're in everything now.

[Kelly]

They are.

[Caleb]

It's insane.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

These guys. Well, I can't talk about what I think we should do to them. I'll get flagged and in trouble, but Facebook dating? What is your profile like? You have, like, prompts on there.

[Kelly]

I have pictures on there. And I have, like, some of my favorite shows on there and some of my favorite Music on there and just like, what I'm looking for.

[Caleb]

What are you looking for?

[Kelly]

I would like to find my. Forever. I mean, I would like to eventually, you know, 52 years old, never been married. I would like to get married at some point, maybe, but just somebody that could. You know, I think we talked about this a little bit yesterday at lunch. It's somebody that has the same beliefs that I do, but something that's really important to me is you're going to have to have a personality. I mean, if you can't laugh or take sarcasm, because I have a very sarcastic sense of humor, if you can't take that, then it's probably not gonna work. Or if I'm having to say, oh, I didn't mean that. It was a joke. That's not gonna work.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

So. And just somebody that's honest and somebody that, you know, enjoys drinking beer on back roads and bonfires and good music and. Yeah, so that's. That's kind of what's on my profile. Virginia, thank you. You're welcome.

[Caleb]

I want that for you. Do you think that. Do you think that men struggle. Do you think that straight men, in your experience, struggle with, like, a fart. Fart?

[Kelly]

I mean, maybe they might.

[Caleb]

I was trying to say funny smart. Like a funny, smart woman who knows what she wants.

[Kelly]

I think. I think some men probably do because, you know, I could date ones that are a little younger, and I have one out with some that are a little younger.

[Caleb]

Hell, yeah, Queen. How young we talking? How young we talking?

[Kelly]

I think the youngest one that I went out with was 42.

[Caleb]

Okay, nice.

[Kelly]

Not 18.

[Caleb]

I mean, no, I didn't want it to be 18. I guess I was kind of hoping you'd drop, like, a 34. I'd be like, ooh, Kelly.

[Kelly]

Yeah. So, I mean, I guess I just lost my train of thought. What were we talking about?

[Caleb]

Do you think that, in your experience, do you think that straight men are intimidated by a smart, funny woman?

[Kelly]

So I think the older guys, I think some of them are still in the era of women, should be quiet, spoke when spoken to. Barefoot and pregnant.

[Caleb]

You're no good at that.

[Kelly]

No.

[Caleb]

Come on, sister.

[Kelly]

My head would be rolling down the hill if I. I know that's right beyond the guillotine.

[Caleb]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the. A lot of the. The guys in your age bracket are still in the. Make dinner. Shut up.

[Kelly]

Not. Not all of them, but I think a lot of them still feel like the man should make the decisions. Yeah. Disgusting.

[Caleb]

That's insane. Yeah, I Just feel so disconnected from that ideology. I'm so not around it, and I'm so not a part of it that I feel when I hear it. I'm just like, you're kidding. It feels like a sitcom device to me.

[Kelly]

Right.

[Caleb]

And I'm like, you're like, that's made up for tv. That's also not the way that any of the women in our family. Like, that's just not our reality. Like, I don't think the women in our. I don't think the women. Like, I don't know. I just think all the women in our family are so strong and they put up with a lot of. I will say, like, the men in our family have gotten away with some. That. I'm like, you should have been killed for that one. But I don't think it's ever been like that. I don't think it's ever been like, be quiet. Be docile. Speak when spoken to.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

None of the women in our family have been that way, so I have a hard time imagining that that's actually happening.

[Kelly]

Yeah, it does.

[Caleb]

Still, that's nuts to me.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Maybe you get yourself a younger guy.

[Kelly]

I've had some fun with some younger ones.

[Caleb]

Come on now.

[Kelly]

One of them. One of them I met at Buffalo Wild Wings.

[Caleb]

I know. That's fucking right.

[Kelly]

Can I buy you a beer? I'm like, yeah, you can. Yeah.

[Caleb]

And how'd that go? Did you date him? Did you take him home?

[Kelly]

Not that day, I didn't.

[Caleb]

Nice. Hell, yeah. Made him work for it a little bit.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Are you bringing guys back to your place? Are you going to their place?

[Kelly]

I'm not gonna tell you how that ended.

[Caleb]

Nice. Well, I'm assuming you hooked up with him, but I'm just wondering.

[Kelly]

He didn't come to my place.

[Caleb]

Nice. Nice.

[Kelly]

I couldn't tell you when the last time was there was a guy at my place.

[Caleb]

I like that. Yeah. Yeah, I like that.

[Kelly]

I don't like people knowing where I live. Really? I mean, men.

[Caleb]

Except for strangers you meet at the bar, of course. Strange women.

[Kelly]

She was a friend of a friend, so it's not like she was a complete stranger.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't like men knowing where I live either.

[Kelly]

Whatever.

[Caleb]

I mean, I bring them over, but I don't like the idea of them knowing where I live when they leave. As soon as we're done having sex, I'm like, damn, it's crazy that you know where I live. I don't like that part of it.

[Kelly]

Maybe you should have them Blindfolded, and.

[Caleb]

I haven't tried it, but I'm open to it. Could be something.

[Kelly]

I think you gotta be safe nowadays.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

More and more people are.

[Caleb]

I do get guys knowing who you are. A lot of guys on the dating apps now, because gay men, you know, gay men. Don't get me started. But a lot of guys in the dating apps now hitting me up to. They want to talk about what I do for work. They want to be like, oh, I'm a huge fan. What's it like being friends with so and so? And I'm like, in what world would I, like, put yourself in my shoes and think about, would you ever want to have that discussion with a stranger on a dating app? In what world would I ever be into that?

[Kelly]

Yeah. Why would you even waste your energy.

[Caleb]

On why would I be talking to you?

[Kelly]

Right.

[Caleb]

It's like you yourself just acknowledged I have cooler friends than you. Why would I be talking to you? It makes no sense. I'm like, I don't even.

[Kelly]

I'm way out of your league.

[Caleb]

I don't. No, it's not that. It's just like, if you think my life is so interesting that you would bother me like that on a dating app, what would make you think that I would be like, oh, yeah, I'll talk to this stranger about whatever random person they're a fan of that I'm friends with. It's like, do some math. That makes no sense.

[Kelly]

So that has to be very hard for you for it to be, like, on a dating app and not know if people genuinely want to get to know you or just want to get to know you because of who you are.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

And what you do. That would be. That would be difficult, I think. Yeah.

[Caleb]

And it's also. It is difficult, and it's also stupid because it's like, what I do is so silly that I'm like, I can't imagine wanting to be friends with someone because they're a comedian. I'm like, that's dumb to me. That's not. I don't find that intriguing. I don't find what I do to be. I don't find what I do to be that interesting. Genuinely, I like what I do. I love my job. I'm very grateful that this is my life. Thank God for it. But, like, I don't know, when someone tells me they're like a, you know, like a statistician or something, I'm like, I would so much rather hear about that than hear about what a. Like, an actor does. I don't know. I just think other things are more interesting. So when someone goes out of their way to make our conversation about that, I'm like, I find that fundamentally boring. I have a hard time.

[Kelly]

I think that a lot of dating, for it to succeed, you kind of have to be on the same playing field. And I don't. I don't really know how to explain that. Like, I'm not even necessarily talking about money, but you have to be somewhat on the same level of intelligence and the same level of. And those people that bring that to the table are probably not on the same level of intelligence that you are.

[Caleb]

I know what you mean by that. I don't think I would say. I don't think I would call it intelligence.

[Kelly]

I don't think intelligence is the word I'm looking for.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I'm not. Yeah, I don't think it's intelligent. Like, intelligence doesn't feel good. That feels mean and kind of like a elitist to me for. To apply it to me.

[Kelly]

Yeah, I don't. That's not the word I'm looking for.

[Caleb]

But I mean more like. Yeah, there is something about. If you're. If you're somebody who's blown away by the fact that I. If you're blown away by, like, the fact of my job, then we're likely not a match. There's a. There's an. There's an imbalance there that is not healthy because I'm not blown away by that. And I don't think it's. If you're. If you're like, wowed by the fact that I've, like, hung out with a famous person, we're not going to be a match day to day. You know what I mean?

[Kelly]

Right. Still trying to think of the right word.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I know what you mean, though. And it's like, also. Yeah. I just wish I could. I wish I could give the knowledge to them that most famous people are boring. They're so boring. They are not, I promise you, they are not interesting. They are. They are. The more famous they are, they are further and further removed from reality. They don't do anything interesting. They do their job, they go home, they go on, like, nice trips, but they stay in, like, sterile, highly secure, like, facilities. Effectively, they get bothered everywhere they go, which totally kills the vibe. It's not fun to be out with someone who's getting bothered all the time. Yeah. It's just like, they're not interesting.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

They haven't gone. They haven't shopped for their own groceries in years. They don't like. It's not. It's not a. You think of hanging out with a famous person, you're like, oh, that must be so exciting. Not really. Unless you're an alcoholic or a drug addict. Then it's really exciting because they have access to all that stuff. But I don't drink or do drugs like that, so it's. It's not fascinating to me to go to any of those things. You know what I mean?

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

You would probably like the drinking part of it.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

You get down like that.

[Kelly]

I mean, if it says on their profile they don't drink, I don't. I don't. Because. Because honestly, I like to drink. I like to go out and have a drink and have wings or just visit with people, meet new people. I enjoy it.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

I'm not gonna change that.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

So if you don't drink and I'm go. We go out on a date, and you're like, she's having two beers. That's gonna piss me off. I mean, I'm like, I'll pay for it myself. Yeah, you don't have to pay for it. But don't sit over there and tell me how many I can have.

[Caleb]

Yeah, but there's sober people who wouldn't? I mean, they're sober. You're probably not interacting with them. But there are sober people that aren't like that. I go out with people who drink all the time. I date people who drink a lot, and it's fine. I'm like, go nuts, dude. Because I'll get a little high. I'll smoke some weed, you have some cocktails. We can meet some people together. But you've laid down your boundaries.

[Kelly]

But a lot of people that don't want to drink don't want to go into a bar or go into. And the bars that I go into are very. They're a hole in the wall. I mean, the point is talk to people.

[Caleb]

Yeah, but. Yeah, it's to talk to people, but it's like, these are not bars where there's anything else going on.

[Kelly]

It's like, we're going to bars, bands. It's not.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

It's just very laid back down to earth people that. Yeah, just like to sit in there and shoot the crap. And, you know, a lot of them, they know each other's families. They. I mean, it's just. It's just nice.

[Caleb]

It is nice. Well, awesome. I think sobriety has changed a lot. I think people that are sober in your age bracket. I'm quite a bit younger than you. Not to brag.

[Kelly]

Wouldn't have worked out if you weren't.

[Caleb]

I think a lot of people in your age bracket, sobriety is a different thing. Sobriety in. In our age bracket is, like, it's very common. It's like, not a big deal. It's like. I don't know. It just feels like there is a different culture around it. I feel like a lot of the sober older people I know are very like, I do not want to be in bars. I do not want to be around alcohol. This was very hard for me. And a lot of sober people my age are, like, I don't know, like, California sober, where it's like, they'll smoke a little weed or they'll have, like, one sip of a drink, but they don't mind being in the space. You know what I mean?

[Kelly]

And I think maybe that's. That's what I'm thinking of. A lot of people my age that don't drink, it's because they either never did and they've been against it or because they've had a problem at one time and now they don't like being around it.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Which is totally valid. And that probably would be a relationship difficulty. But you're. It is funny to me that your two things in dating are like, they cannot be an atheist. Then they must like alcohol.

[Kelly]

That's.

[Caleb]

That's just funny to me. I like that. I think that's iconic.

[Kelly]

I mean, I don't know why I haven't landed somebody.

[Caleb]

Okay, Mom. Hey, thanks for being here. We meandered this episode. I like that. For us.

[Kelly]

Yes.

[Caleb]

Is there anything you want to leave the people with? Anything that you wanted to say that you didn't say? Any thoughts? You have your big second appearance.

[Kelly]

I'm just thankful to be back and to see all of you and get to visit with all of you and hopefully Caleb will have me back again.

[Caleb]

We'll have you around for a visit, Queen. Don't you worry. We'll have you around for a visit real soon.

[Kelly]

As you should.

[Caleb]

As you should. Kelly, tell the people where they can find you.

[Kelly]

Well, last time I said Kansas City, and Caleb said that's not what they meant.

[Caleb]

No, I think that's right for you.

[Kelly]

Facebook, Instagram.

[Caleb]

You want them to find you on Instagram?

[Kelly]

They can.

[Caleb]

What are you posting on there? Well, I'm maybe gonna cut this. What are you posting on Instagram?

[Kelly]

I just got back on there, so there's not hardly anything at all on there.

[Caleb]

I don't even follow you on Instagram.

[Kelly]

I don't think I follow you.

[Caleb]

Nice. What's your handle?

[Kelly]

My what?

[Caleb]

What's your name on Instagram?

[Kelly]

Kelly Heron.

[Caleb]

Is it at Kelly Heron? One word? Yeah.

[Kelly]

Virginia Positive. Oh, hey, what.

[Caleb]

Is it at Kelly Heron?

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Is it. How many followers she got on there?

[Kelly]

103, I'll have you know.

[Caleb]

Nice. Good job, Kel.

[Kelly]

Way more on.

[Caleb]

Why'd you post a picture?

[Kelly]

That's not me. It's not. Somebody's impersonating.

[Caleb]

No, mom, you've got impersonators.

[Kelly]

Oh, that ain't cool. That's what happened to my Facebook page. I lost everything for years and years. I had to start a whole new Facebook, like, seven months ago.

[Caleb]

It's a picture of a car. Oh, it's. They're doing crypto. They're trying to sell crypto in your name.

[Kelly]

That's what happened on Facebook.

[Caleb]

Oh, Kelly. Oh, your hair and underscore. Kelly, is that you? This is your profile picture on there?

[Kelly]

Yes.

[Caleb]

Okay. You're so pretty. Okay. 19 followers and doesn't follow Virginia.

[Kelly]

That's because I don't know. I don't know who to follow.

[Caleb]

You're following.

[Kelly]

You can add me.

[Caleb]

She's followed by Ali Holyfield, Allie founder. All right, shout out. Well, follow mom if you want to. She has not posted on there. She. I don't know what you're doing.

[Kelly]

I'm on Tick tock a lot.

[Caleb]

You're on Tick Tock? Yeah. You are sending. You send me a lot of tick tocks that are like. It's like violin music. That's like.

[Kelly]

I actually just saved one last night.

[Caleb]

And then it's like text over an ocean. That's like. Your youngest son may not know this, but all you do is think about him and wish for his happiness. May God bless him in his journeys. Send one, like, for your youngest son who you love and you send me stuff like that.

[Kelly]

I do. I say I'm sorry that my younger self couldn't be the person I am today and raised you in the way that I did.

[Caleb]

Hey, you did great, brother. Love you.

[Kelly]

Love you.

[Caleb]

Bye.

[Kelly]

Bye.

[Caleb]

That was a headgum podcast. In the time it takes you to actually board that flight from Group 8.

[Kelly]

Now boarding Premier Altitude Elite club members.

[Caleb]

You could have bought a Hyundai on Amazon. Yes, that Amazon, where you buy everything else.

[Kelly]

Mid tier Altitude Elite. Feel free to board now.

[Caleb]

So while you're waiting for them to make up new boarding groups, you can order your dream car and the dealer will have it ready in no time.

[Kelly]

Now boarding groups one through seven.

[Caleb]

So close. Visit HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603 for more details. Limited availability. Pick up through participating Hyundai dealer in select markets.