Stavros Halkias Loves Meat

Summary

Podcast Summary: So True with Caleb Hearon – Episode: "Stavros Halkias Loves Meat"

Introduction

In the ninth episode of "So True with Caleb Hearon," released on September 26, 2024, beloved gay comedian Stavros Halkias joins host Caleb Heron for an engaging and humorous conversation. The duo delves into their shared experiences, personal growth, upcoming projects, and reflections on life, all while maintaining their signature comedic flair.

Shared Dining Experiences

Dining Out and Restaurant Antics

The episode kicks off with Stavros and Caleb reminiscing about their memorable dining experiences. Stavros recounts their visit to an Indian restaurant in London, highlighting the overwhelming portions and the owner's persistence in inviting them back.

Stavros Halkias [00:50]: "The owner legitimately tried to recruit us for breakfast the next day. He handed us a flyer, saying, 'Fellas, we got a great breakfast.'"

Caleb adds to the banter by sharing their indulgent feast, leading to humorous exchanges about their eating habits and Stavros' observation of Caleb's relatively cleaner choices.

Caleb Heron [01:25]: "You didn't eat any carbs. You were kind of eating meats."

Stavros’ Evolution and Life Philosophy

Embracing Strength and Longevity

Stavros opens up about his personal journey towards balancing his weight with strength training. He humorously describes his goal of becoming the "ultimate fat guy," emphasizing the importance of maintaining muscle while enjoying his favorite foods.

Stavros Halkias [02:39]: "I'm trying to become like the ultimate fat guy. Gotta be strong."

He reflects on his aspirations to live longer and enjoy his later years, acknowledging the challenges and societal perceptions associated with being a plus-size individual.

Stavros Halkias [03:18]: "I'd like to see the tail end of my 60s. Maybe even 70."

Discussion about The Sopranos and Representation

Representation in Media

The conversation shifts to their appreciation of "The Sopranos," with Stavros pointing out the show's focus on "fat" characters, blending Italian culture with broader themes.

Stavros Halkias [14:31]: "I think it's more of a fat show than an Italian show."

They discuss the portrayal of gay characters and the nuances of representation, blending humor with insightful commentary on media portrayal.

Caleb Heron [15:02]: "One of them is handsome. He’s got himself a hot wife."

"Let's Start a Cult" Movie Project

Behind the Scenes of Filmmaking

Stavros introduces his upcoming movie, "Let's Start a Cult," sharing the challenging yet rewarding process of indie filmmaking. He narrates how the project began from a short film with director Ben Kitnick and evolved into a full-length feature.

Stavros Halkias [09:58]: "It's gonna come out on October 20th in theaters."

He humorously laments the production constraints, such as the use of prosthetic attributes, while expressing pride in the final product despite its simplicity.

Stavros Halkias [12:21]: "They didn't let me use my real nuts in it because I did want to show my balls."

Caleb encourages listeners to support the film, highlighting Stavros' dedication and the project's grassroots nature.

Caleb Heron [61:12]: "October 25th, 'Let's Start a Cult' comes out. Go see it in theaters if you can."

Health and Lifestyle Discussions

Balancing Indulgence with Wellness

Stavros and Caleb engage in a candid discussion about health, diet, and maintaining a balanced lifestyle amidst their love for hearty meals. They share personal strategies for staying healthy without sacrificing enjoyment, emphasizing the absence of magical solutions.

Stavros Halkias [51:14]: "All the advice people tell you about feeling better and getting healthier is just true. Eat a couple more veggies. Go on a walk."

Caleb relates by describing his approach to managing diet and exercise, juxtaposing indulgence with mindful consumption.

Caleb Heron [55:53]: "I'm eating less, I'm moving more. I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm chilling on that."

Childhood and High School Memories

Nostalgic Reflections and Humorous Anecdotes

The hosts delve into their formative years, sharing humorous and relatable stories from childhood and high school. Stavros recounts his early experiences with food and social interactions, while Caleb reminisces about his adventures in middle school football and talent shows.

Stavros Halkias [35:10]: "I hosted a talent show in fourth grade... I was roasting people."

Caleb Heron [33:27]: "I was the first one to do a dress rehearsal at the talent show."

These anecdotes highlight their long-standing friendship and shared sense of humor, adding depth to their dynamic.

Political Views and Commentary

Humorous Take on Political Engagement

Stavros briefly touches upon his past political affiliations, mentioning his support for Ralph Nader and skepticism towards the Green Party's organizational effectiveness.

Stavros Halkias [25:37]: "I convinced my mother to vote for Ralph Nader in the Bush Gore election."

Caleb humorously criticizes the Green Party's bureaucratic challenges, reinforcing their humorous approach to serious topics.

Caleb Heron [26:18]: "The only problem with the Green Party is that they're so fucking stupid... they forgot to file her as a presidential candidate in one state."

Concluding Insights and Future Projects

Looking Ahead

As the episode wraps up, Stavros shares his aspirations for the future, including more relaxed touring schedules, potential film projects like a fat camp movie, and maintaining a balanced lifestyle. Caleb encourages listeners to follow Stavros' journey, emphasizing their mutual support and camaraderie.

Stavros Halkias [28:51]: "I want to spend time in New York, make cool shit with my friends."

Caleb Heron [61:44]: "Follow Stavi everywhere. We love you. Thanks for coming."

Closing Remarks

The episode concludes with heartfelt expressions of friendship and support, leaving listeners with a sense of warmth and anticipation for Stavros' upcoming projects.

Stavros Halkias [61:37]: "Thank you. Love you, brother."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Stavros Halkias [00:50]: "The owner legitimately tried to recruit us for breakfast the next day."

• Caleb Heron [01:25]: "You didn't eat any carbs. You were kind of eating meats."

• Stavros Halkias [02:39]: "I'm trying to become like the ultimate fat guy. Gotta be strong."

• Stavros Halkias [09:58]: "It's gonna come out on October 20th in theaters."

• Caleb Heron [55:53]: "I'm eating less, I'm moving more. I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm chilling on that."

• Stavros Halkias [51:14]: "All the advice people tell you about feeling better and getting healthier is just true. Eat a couple more veggies. Go on a walk."

Conclusion

"Stavros Halkias Loves Meat" offers a blend of humor, heartfelt storytelling, and candid discussions between Stavros and Caleb. From their indulgent dining escapades to personal growth and upcoming creative projects, the episode provides listeners with an entertaining and insightful glimpse into the lives of two comedic talents navigating the challenges and joys of life.

Transcript

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't listen to the allegations, folks. What Caleb is saying he's coming out in support of the stuff coming out. None of it's true, folks. None of it's true.

[Caleb Heron]

Wait, who are you voting for?

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, well, since RFK dropped out of the race, I'm still kind of playing my options.

[Caleb Heron]

What's going on, brother?

[Stavros Halkias]

What's up, bro? Thanks for having me.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, it's good to see you again. The last time I saw you, we had a classic fat guy evening.

[Stavros Halkias]

We did.

[Caleb Heron]

We were in London.

[Stavros Halkias]

In London.

[Caleb Heron]

We were in London. We went to dinner together. And we did. One of my favorite things to do with another fat guy, which is to go to dinner and go, let's just order a lot. We'll take stuff home.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. Not a chintilla of rice made it in the take home container.

[Caleb Heron]

Twenty minutes later, the server's picking up licked clean plates.

[Stavros Halkias]

We ate so much. This Indian restaurant, the owner legitimately tried to recruit us for breakfast there the next day. That sounds like a joke. He handed us a fucking flyer. He was like, fellas, we got a great breakfast. I'm not kidding. And it was. And like, maybe he does this. That's part of his thing. He did this to us three separate times.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

He clocked us on the way in.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just gave us the first one. Saw what we were doing, saw the kind of damage that was.

[Caleb Heron]

After we had ordered 20 things, Stavi pulled the waiter back over and said.

[Stavros Halkias]

Another thing, brother, I'm gonna need that. What was it? I forget exactly. It was a dip of some.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, you added some kind of dip.

[Stavros Halkias]

But, man, what a. What a. Yeah, so he's in the middle. And then literally on the way out, it was like, I got insist, boys, you got to come. He was like, you got to check us out, fellas.

[Caleb Heron]

You're going to love to see us again tomorrow.

[Stavros Halkias]

And honestly, if I wasn't an hour, because I was working like an hour outside London, I might have gone solo. You were in the neighborhood, but you had been there a while, you would.

[Caleb Heron]

Have gone back and not told me 100%. Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

100%.

[Caleb Heron]

You are a shady character.

[Stavros Halkias]

You are a shady character. I didn't want to use the thing. Here's the thing. I didn't want to drag you down because even in our fat guy meal, you were kind of keeping it cleaner than I thought I got. I don't want to put you. I don't want to put you on blast. You didn't eat any carbs. You were kind of eating Meats. Maybe you fried okra, but I ordered an extra rice, thinking, what are we doing here? One rice. Who the fuck? I saw what was happening. I was like, we're not. And then this motherfucker doesn't even. You don't take a rice. I ate 1.75 rices.

[Caleb Heron]

I disappointed you.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the naan. No naan for you. And it was kind of like, okay, I see what you're doing here. I thought we were letting it fly.

[Caleb Heron]

You think? Okay, you're gonna accuse me of being a fat guy trader. I see your big ass popping up on Instagram, lifting weights, fucking. Fucking squatting in a gym room. Well, do you know how betrayed I feel when I see this?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no, cuz I. You think I'm trying to be fat, then I'll be fat. I'm trying to become like the ultimate fat guy. I'm trying to evolve into the next fat guy, cuz the strongest, the best. In my opinion, the platonic ideal of an aging fat guy is big arms, little titties, you know what I mean? Like, not no titties, by the way. I said little titties. Small hiccups, small titties. Like no belly staying, but it's a little smaller, you know what I mean? Kind of a bouncer build. Like, that is the. Like, that's what I want to like, get into. Still taking down meats and cheeses and whatever you got, but like, gotta be strong. Gotta be strong.

[Caleb Heron]

What age are you planning on clocking out, you think?

[Stavros Halkias]

It was, you know, in my youth. In my youth I was like, let's get to 62. But I. I would like to see the tail end of my 60s at this point. Yeah, I've bumped. I want to live a little more than I thought I wanted to, because as a fat guy, it really is the coward in your youth. It's like, let me just treat my body so bad it will eventually kill me. Yeah, exactly. And let me have some burgers on the way out. But I guess, unfortunately, somehow I've been tricked into enjoying life. So I'd like to bump it up to maybe even 70. Who knows?

[Caleb Heron]

Just turning on the gas burner a little bit more every night.

[Stavros Halkias]

It really is, dude. It's such a. Like so many of my fat friends, we would just be menaces in our 20s. I see a lot of these motherfuckers are like, what have I done? I want to live. I have a wife, I have children. And so I see them, dude. I see there's a lot there's a big. There's a big loose skin contingent amongst my friends right now. They look great, but they're like, nah, I can't go out.

[Caleb Heron]

Let me tell you something. I haven't seen these guys, but I'm confident they don't look great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Better than they did. Don't tell me one of them is handsome. One of them does look good. Shout out Peter Muth. But I don't. Yeah, shout out Peter.

[Caleb Heron]

One of them is handsome.

[Stavros Halkias]

I will not put the others on record, though. He's a cute guy, though.

[Caleb Heron]

He's a cute guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Got himself a hot wife. And here's the other thing. It was very interesting because I don't want to put him on blast, but he's the man. Fuck. Whatever. Pete's cool. He was. This is. He realized he wanted to live and lost weight. And then. And then he met, like, a cool, hot woman. And I don't know, maybe she was divorced or something. And she was like. They were a couple dates. She was like, what? Like, why aren't you. He know they got married when they're 40 or something. She was like, what's going on here? Because you're not divorced. Like, you're a cool guy and he has you to be like, I was one of the fattest men of all time until two years ago. He was like. He was like, that's what. That's why. That's the catch. But not a bad look, by the way. If you're looking for a second husband, get a fat guy who suddenly decided he wanted to see his 70s.

[Caleb Heron]

That's your. That's your next chapter.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because you got a good guy frozen in carbonite.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That way.

[Caleb Heron]

He's in there.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's like. He's.

[Caleb Heron]

We're handing you a block of marble.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

You just need to get him down to the Y.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

And what's going on?

[Stavros Halkias]

You really want to buy low? Get him when he's fat as shit.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, change him.

[Stavros Halkias]

Change him up.

[Caleb Heron]

Change him from the inside.

[Stavros Halkias]

I do think fat boys are the easiest to change. We want someone to care so bad. We want someone to take. You know what I mean? It's like, you're not going to change this. The hot guy with a fucking leather jacket? No, he's pussy on his motorcycle. He's good. You know what I mean? You might change a fat guy with a heart of gold, though.

[Caleb Heron]

How long have we been recording right now? Five minutes. I just want to make sure because I was wondering when you'd bring up pussy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I didn't Say I did. I said getting. And you just ruined your sample. You know what I mean? Now I know I'm being observed. Now I know, because we would have gotten there, you know, probably within the next 12. Yeah, now I know to fucking be cagey about it.

[Caleb Heron]

No, I'm not bringing it up at all. Never done it, never will. Dude. One of my. One of the coolest things ever happened to me as a fat guy recently. And this is actually kind of sad to say, because it didn't even really happen to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sharing.

[Caleb Heron]

I was at dinner with friends in London. Don't worry about it. You know, I live a chic lifestyle and.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you really do. I'm like, I'm in London. I'm like, what is this? He's just like, I'm in London, too. I was like, why? He was like, just hanging out. What? I'm just in Europe for six weeks. Like, what are you, a fucking divorce? Pretty much.

[Caleb Heron]

I was at dinner and we were talking. Somehow we got on the subject of, like, the best sex we've ever had. And my friend, a beautiful thin woman. No worries.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we accept.

[Caleb Heron]

We won't hold it against her.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

A beautiful thin woman. She go. I was saying, basically some. One of the. One of the thin people in the group had said, my sex hasn't been that great lately. I like to be thrown around a little bit and it's not happening. And I was like, tell me you are not fucking enough fat people. Yeah, a big guy will throw you around.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. Toss around. Without knowing what's going on by accident.

[Caleb Heron]

He has to, because you're down there and you gotta get over there, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

Toss you over there. And so I said, you're not into fucking enough fat guys. And my beautiful thin friend goes, the best sex I ever had in my life was a fat guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Caleb Heron]

And she meant it. And I literally stop. Almost cried.

[Stavros Halkias]

I feel that same pride. I don't know this guy. It's just nice to hear.

[Caleb Heron]

I said, will you please call him and tell him that?

[Stavros Halkias]

And you know the good thing? You know what's crazy about that? No way. He was fully hard. You know what I mean? It wasn't dick.

[Caleb Heron]

Are you fully hard?

[Stavros Halkias]

Come on, man. It's fully, fully. I'm trying to hit a nice 85%. And then really, you're getting. I mean, 100%. Wow.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, I must have Great.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're younger than me too, though.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Give me seven years. Yeah, let's relax. These are also fat guy years. It's like dog years. I guess it does multiply. Yeah. So Even though it's seven years in fat guy years, I'm like 14 years old.

[Caleb Heron]

Something like that. Oh, my God. That's funny. No, she. Yeah. She said, best sex of her life. And I felt. I literally woke up happy for, like, the next three days about it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gonna be buzzing about.

[Caleb Heron]

It was awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I was like, that's great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

We. I also did. I had a. I was talking recently to a female friend who's not getting dicked down the way she needs to by her guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

And she's in a relationship.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, kind of. It's like a situation. And she's like, the sex isn't quite there. And I'm like, well, what's wrong? And she's like, the. The penetrative sex is not working. And I'm like, well, he's a fool then. Because if you're not good at penetrative sex, you have to know what your skills are.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

It's like a Madden player. You need to up this one. If that one's not.

[Stavros Halkias]

I feel like Daredevil, dude. My. No. It's like his sight is gone. My dick. I'm not relying on it. I need all my other senses in the bedroom. You know what I mean? It's like. It's. That's so. You know, and that's why, you know, the advent of dick pills has been huge.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because then you. You. You spend your sexual development as daredevil, not being able to see, and all of a sudden you got some eyes when you want them.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. It's like if Detective Monk wasn't autistic.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Was just a charmer. What if Monk was at a wedding, just slow dancing with your grandma and a little girl? Be like, oh, Monk is so cute.

[Caleb Heron]

The little girl's on his shoes.

[Stavros Halkias]

He just winks at you.

[Caleb Heron]

He spent all those years developing his autistic superpowers, and then he figured out how to deal with people. And now all of a sudden, then.

[Stavros Halkias]

Small talk, he develops small talk. That'd be huge. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Small talk in an adept way of navigating social situations.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, absolutely. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, my God. So you were in London, and then you've got a movie coming out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Got a movie coming out. Yeah. What is it called? Let's Start a Call. This is the first time I've promoted it, so I'm like, fuck, what's it called? Let's Start a Cult. Yeah, it's fun. It's a little Cult movie. It's really dumb. Just a tight 90 minute stupid ass movie.

[Caleb Heron]

Where's it coming out?

[Stavros Halkias]

Theaters. October 20th.

[Caleb Heron]

Theaters.

[Stavros Halkias]

Theaters, theaters. It's gonna come out at least two theaters.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, they don't do that anymore.

[Stavros Halkias]

That it counts as theaters. Yeah, we're doing, you know, New York, like bigger cities, and then hopefully people go to see it and then it. It comes out in. In more places. I'll be fucking. I'll be popping up in random. I'm trying to, like force this to be just a moderate success. I just want some people to see it. Yeah, dude, it's crazy. I. It's kind of weird. At every step. I did not think the movie was gonna happen. It was like a production company hit my friend Ben Kitnick up, who directed it, and we'd done like a short and he was the movie of the movie. We did a short version just for fun. We just kind of hit an Airbnb for a weekend and just shot whatever the fuck we could. And then they were like, hey, we want to make this movie. And we're like, all right, whatever. Like, no way this happens. Nothing. Movies don't get made and we're nobody.

[Caleb Heron]

Indie movies.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, Indie cop. Nobody's making fucking dumbass comedies anymore. And then just at every step of the way, they're like, okay, great. We like the script. We're like, so they like, go write a script. So we wrote a script. They're like, this is good. We were like, really? Okay. And then they're like, all right, give us some dates. And I was like, hey, I'm on tour. I'm filming a special. Like, I really only have the month of June. And they're like, great, we love June. What? And I was like, all right, but we have to cast. And we tried to cast like some of our friends and they were like, cool. And it was just like, wait, we. I have to fucking be in a movie now? Like, I've never acted. I never shocked hearing this.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, it's going for anyone.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no. And it was cheap as fuck, don't get me wrong. It was like we made it for like, well under a million bucks, but, you know.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. But it was like, still, it was fun as shit. And it, you know, and again, just dumb as hell. The main thing I'm mad about is that I to spoil a little bit of this. My only. My biggest problem with the movie is that they didn't let me use my real nuts in it because I did want to show my balls And I had to use prosthetic nuts, which. It's tough when you're an artist, man, and you're in the machine. What, they just chew you up and they just kind of, like, disrespect your sacred vision.

[Caleb Heron]

You're like the John Lennon of nut sack. Why did you have to use prosthetics?

[Stavros Halkias]

I think for some kind of. Like, your nuts were too gross. They were too maybe beautiful. It was kind of like how they had to cut that Colin Farrell sex scene out of a movie because his dick was too awesome. And, like, guys were getting pissed off when they saw it, which I think happened where I'm just.

[Caleb Heron]

It was turning off that.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just thought that. But sort of like that. They're like, this is too beautiful a bag for people. For people to be able to focus on. The rest of the movie I saw.

[Caleb Heron]

Is Colin Farrell playing the penguin. That's why I just saw him do an interview. He just had a. Like, two days ago, he had an interview where he was like. He wore a fat suit for it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And he did an interview where he was like, I fucking hated putting on that suit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm like, dude, you can't do an interview complaining about the fat suit when no one wanted you to do that. Can't be what you do.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. That one was hard for me because it's like, I do love Colin Farrell so much, but it's like, he is taking. It's tough. There's so many things. Because it's like. It's a dumb idea. It's like, oh, the Penguin without Batman. Who gives a fuck, right? So that's like. I'd be like, all right, fuck that. But then he was good in the movie. It was like, he is good at it, which is fucked then. But it's also like taking food out of actor's mouth, which I don't like. But Colin Farrell is the man, and it is good, even though it sucks as an idea, because he's so good. And so it's like nothing. It just. It just. I didn't know how to feel about it. And then you're telling me this, where he's complaining about getting able to zip out of our bodies, essentially. Imagine if, like, we could do this. Just like, we got abs lighter, Hugh. And again, a huge dick.

[Caleb Heron]

You're the revolutionary they count on, brother. You're the guy that they're. You're the guy that they're okay with. You're not. You're gonna let Colin Farrell wear that festival?

[Stavros Halkias]

I will. I Honestly, Will, and I'm a moderate voice. I'm going to try and change them from within.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, you're.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean?

[Caleb Heron]

Like, hey, Colin Farrell's going to play the lead fat guy, but Stavi, we.

[Stavros Halkias]

Need a cab driver.

[Caleb Heron]

Are you interested, brother? Are you free?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the thing. We just need more. Let's just get the ball rolling with more fat mob guys. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Golden age for fat. I mean, Italians in particular. But the Sopranos, one of the fattest shows of all time. Yeah, like, it's more. I think it's more of a fat show than an Italian show, if you think about it.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

How many characters were fat as.

[Caleb Heron]

Dude, why do you think I love that show?

[Stavros Halkias]

It's the best, right?

[Caleb Heron]

They're always. They're always like, licking their finger after eating a sausage with their bare hand. That's awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, they're all. It's like fat cheaters. Fat. Like, you even got it. You got a fat gay guy, right? We got veto. I mean, not that shit goes good for him. Well, sorry to spoil it.

[Caleb Heron]

He gets beaten to death with a potty.

[Stavros Halkias]

He gets. He gets cruelly.

[Caleb Heron]

You got a fat gay guy. Cut to Phil Leotardo popping out of a closet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Look, you'll always have the Johnny Cakes episode.

[Caleb Heron]

We have that.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have that.

[Caleb Heron]

They made him a leather gay, which is, you know, representation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, no worries. Yeah, it really is the most, like, what do gay guys like? Yeah, like, you could tell it's an Italian writers room. It's like, yeah, put him in a fucking little cap, you know, Gay shit.

[Caleb Heron]

Sopranos fans being like, Tony wasn't cool with killing him. And it's like, truly, everyone being like, we need to murder this guy for being gay. And Tony being like, let's fucking move on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, he's like, I'm on the fence. Progressive icon. It's like, he's one of the worst people of all time. Like, that's it. People are so fucking dumb. They're like, no, I like him. So he's good. It's like, no, he's a piece of shit. But it's still a good show.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, you can still like a bad guy in the show.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a show. It's a show.

[Caleb Heron]

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[Stavros Halkias]

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[Caleb Heron]

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[Stavros Halkias]

Just go to LinkedIn.com trial and get started.

[Caleb Heron]

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[Stavros Halkias]

Not ignore and hanging out. Not ignoring. And then who sought you out on another continent, you fucking piece of shit. I took a fucking hour train from Marleybone or wherever the fuck I was. I don't know what the fuck the place. They're all Marlow or something. All these London names are English names are fucking stupid.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, we made.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. Shoreditch, Maidenhead. Yeah. From Maidenhead to Shoreditch I took a fucking hour 15 minute train to have Indian food and be accosted by by a small business owner. Try to be. Try to get us, try to get recruited to eat every meal there. So I don't want to hear it.

[Caleb Heron]

You then after that meal accused me of walking you through the Gabor hood so that I could get recognized by fans.

[Stavros Halkias]

You did? Yeah. You got recognized.

[Caleb Heron]

Two people said hi to me and Stavi said, you son of a bitch. You walked me through the gay neighborhood.

[Stavros Halkias]

You could run the numbers up who recognized who. Yeah, I mean the thing is both of us, it's like if you sort of think you know us, it's us.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? It's not like, is that Caleb or is that style? It's like, who the fuck else looks like this?

[Caleb Heron]

I've thought About. I've really thought about like, you know, how some people who don't want to be recognized, like famous people, put on like, put like a hat and sunglasses and a mask. I'm like, I could do every single one of those things if you know my silhouette.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, you pretty much.

[Caleb Heron]

There's not a lot of 6, 3, 400 pound gay guys sauntering around Park Slope. You could be like, that's that guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah. For some reason I was like, well, I had to cut my hair. No one will be able to know who the fuck I am anymore. I literally had that thought. I was like, great haircut. No one will know who I am. It's like, no, no.

[Caleb Heron]

They got you dead to rights.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we.

[Caleb Heron]

We also, we had another great meal together in Kansas City.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, we did.

[Caleb Heron]

I took you to barbecue.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, we did.

[Caleb Heron]

I took you to one. I took you to an easy spot, cuz it was on the way from the airport.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, but it was great.

[Caleb Heron]

It was great. Yes. Worst Ken City barbecue is better than like most cities barbecue.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And this place was. I would say, yeah, it was good. It just, it was like newer, but it wasn't. But it was fucking awesome. And. But it was sort of. I don't know if you know this. It was the low point that got me to change my life. Did you know that?

[Caleb Heron]

I did.

[Stavros Halkias]

That meal is literally where I was like, I can't keep living like this. I'm not even kidding. After that meal, I was like, I have to lose £100.

[Caleb Heron]

You spent one evening with me in Kansas City. You said, I need to make a change.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. 12 hours in your shoes. I was like, nah, I'm not built for this, man.

[Caleb Heron]

You lived like a Missourian for one hour. And you said, I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm making a change.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude, I'm not even kidding because. And I, you know, I'm not gonna bring it, but sort of bring it up. But I was, I had a nice show there. I was so fucked up off this barbecue that I was like sweating profusely. And look, I also, my rider, I get a rotisserie chicken, okay? And that's gonna sound fat, but it's actually pretty smart. It's smart enough. Protein sources. It feels young. Exactly, exactly. Very nutritious. Right. I'm not nagging, have my rotisserie chicken, even though I had a huge barbecue lunch. You know what I mean? When I'm going to fucking let it go to waste and I'll give you Credit. Great flavors of rotisserie chicken in Kansas City. Yeah, it was a different, like, something I haven't experienced. Some kind of Italian herbs type of situation.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the guy got me. There was a sweet and hot one. Good stuff.

[Caleb Heron]

So multiple chickens.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They would have.

[Caleb Heron]

Shout out to Midland. Yeah. Rock on.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was awesome. And I had a show. It was good. You know, I'm still. I'm a pro, baby. The audience has no idea that I'm, you know, moments away from shitting myself at any. At any. I can't get too physical with the act out because it might go bad. Right, right. Still have a great show. Get a DM from a pretty attractive young lady that wants to meet up, let's say. Right? And let's just say there was no. It wasn't even like, let's go out for a drink. She was pretty. Pretty right to business.

[Caleb Heron]

You got the gay guy treatment for one.

[Stavros Halkias]

I got. I legitimately got the gay guy.

[Caleb Heron]

Just literally a DM. That's like, I'd like you 100%.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was along those lines.

[Caleb Heron]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

And I feel so bad that I'm like. I'm literally like. I'm like, fucking eat gray et. You know, at this point. Right. Because of what you've done to me. Because of the fucking. First of all, I'm not gonna keep letting this slide. You said what you.

[Caleb Heron]

You've done to me, and I lived like you for an hour. Cut to. We're at the restaurant. I'm about to order, like, a sensible dinner and stuff. He's like, we'll have 13 spare ribs for the table. Can we get a fucking. What are these fried Mac and cheese balls all about?

[Stavros Halkias]

It wasn't you. But you didn't help.

[Caleb Heron]

Okay, I walked a horse to the river, maybe, but you drank.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was. You know what I was going to eat at. Fuck. What was it, some hilarious chain.

[Caleb Heron]

You were gonna eat at Yard House.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yard House. Yeah. Yeah, because I. They got a couple salad. I got. I know what to do there to just keep me afloat, right? Like. And you were like, if you. Your exact words were, if you eat at your house, I'll myself. Those are your words, verbatim. I'm not making that up. I was like, all right, you're right. I didn't need much convincing. Fine. Anyway, I'm getting this dm, and I'm like, yeah, come over. And then I'm like. Instantly, I'm like, like, my stomach's rumbling. I'm like, no chance I could even. It would Be embarrassing for a woman to see me in this state. And I had to, like, I don't even know what I said. I might have just. I might have been so distraught and embarrassed at my. I was just honest. I was like, I'm so sorry, but I have had too much barbecue to have sex with you. I might have said that.

[Caleb Heron]

That is dark.

[Stavros Halkias]

And from that day forward, I was like, I can't live. This is over. Yeah. This chapter of my life ends here in Kansas City. I cannot. And honestly, I have. You know, since then, I've lost a little weight. I've started lifting to become a fat, strong guy. So we're still not where I want to be, but yes, I can never allow a meal to stop me from getting sucked off ever again. That's kind of my. It's on my vision board.

[Caleb Heron]

Let me tell you something. I've never eaten too much smoked meats to get head to receive.

[Stavros Halkias]

Your shit up, babe. All right. Step your shit up.

[Caleb Heron]

That's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Again, that's your fat guy points. It's like. Yeah, you showed me. You showed me. You know, you. You. You brought me to, like, the arena and I put up fucking.

[Caleb Heron]

You put up.

[Stavros Halkias]

I put up a fucking no hitter. I was a perfect game. But I do have this problem. I'm. I'm fatter in my. In my heart than I am in my, like, the rest of my organs. I really could be in a larger body. Like, if I had your frame, you would not be able to fit in that chair, bro. You would be fucking hu. I would be humongous. Thank God the Lord limited me with a five. I should be like 130 pounds. Like, I am three times what my body should be. I'm like, my family's not that big. You know what I mean? I'm 5 7, but I am pushing it to the limit.

[Caleb Heron]

I got pedal to the metal over here. Oh, shit. Wait. We were talking about. We can't talk about being fat for the whole.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're right. You're right. But we can.

[Caleb Heron]

Which we will. But you're talking about the movie, and we've talked about this a little bit off mic, but I want it on the record.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Caleb Heron]

What I asked people on this show.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't listen to the allegations, folks. What Caleb is saying, he's coming out in support of the stuff coming out. None of it's true, folks. None of it's true.

[Caleb Heron]

Wait, who are you voting for?

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, well, since RFK dropped out of the race, I'm still kind of weighing my options.

[Caleb Heron]

I lost my number one guy. Oh, shit. I do think it's iconic. I wasn't going to talk about politics, but the Jill. Jill Stein just continuously ragging on people who have won elections.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Is so funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm not even plugged into the Jill Stein dude.

[Caleb Heron]

It's awesome. She's going on podcasts and being like. She's going on podcasts and being like, AOC is a crook. You know?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Caleb Heron]

It's like, AOC has won some elections. You really can't go to bat with these people, honey. You're doing nothing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I don't. Was. Is Jill Green Party.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I kind of. I will say this. I convinced. As a sixth grader, I convinced my mother to vote for Ralph Nader in the. In the Bush Gore election. I'm part of. If people want to blame somebody. While we were in Maryland, we weren't in Florida, but still, I believe in the Green Party, I guess. So don't talk shit on my bitch. Jill.

[Caleb Heron]

I would love.

[Stavros Halkias]

I haven't checked in, but I was a Nader boy as a 12. As a 12 year old, I would.

[Caleb Heron]

Love to believe in the Green Party, but they. The only problem with the Green Party really, is that they're so fucking stupid. Like, they're so inept. They literally. Like, they literally filed Chelsea. They forgot to file her as a presidential candidate in one state, and they filed her as a referendum.

[Stavros Halkias]

And can I tell you, I like to see myself in my political parties not having a grasp of paperwork, kind.

[Caleb Heron]

Of navigating a bureaucracy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. No. I haven't checked in since Ralph. I was. I do with Ralph Nader, but I'm not. I don't go to bat for Jill Stein. I don't really know what she's about.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't know what she's about, but. No. What I was actually gonna ask you, I asked people on the show a lot, is, what do you want? What do you. What are you trying to do? You got. Okay, so you have huge, incredible Netflix special.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

So good. Huge hit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, you sell out wherever you go. Big tour. You're doing a big bus tour next year.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep, yep. Coming soon.

[Caleb Heron]

You're doing. You. You can have kind of whatever you want. What do you want?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's kind of crazy. I don't know. It's. It's kind of weird. I don't even know how this happened. Like, I truly. I started doing open mics when I was 19 because I just didn't want to get a job. And then it's like you're 35 and you have no other skills, but shit's going good and you're like, all right, I guess.

[Caleb Heron]

I guess I'm doing this.

[Stavros Halkias]

I guess this is it. I don't know, dude. I just want to. I guess the best part of, like making it or whatever is like, you don't have to do. You don't have to do any. Like, I'm trying to, like, turn shit down. Yeah, that's my. That is what I've. And I've already turned some stuff down this. This year. And that's what. It's allowed me to kind of take a little time off, chill a little bit, feel healthier. I'm still working, but I'm like feeling better about it. So I just want to have a. I just want to have a fucking good ass time. I mean, it's pure. Like, I'm not. Maybe not hedonism.

[Caleb Heron]

I was gonna say it's feeling like hedonism.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, because that's. The last two years were like, doing all this. It was like I was working way too hard and saying yes to everything and then getting so fucked up to counterbalance it. So it was like extreme working hardest or like getting insanely up and eating like a animal, you know what I mean? Eating 12 spare ribs as a little pre rotisserie chicken snack. And so I'm just trying to get a little balance and be like, damn, my life fucking rocks. And so why should I be stressed out about some, you know, I don't want to work hard. I just want to do cool shit.

[Caleb Heron]

I want to chill.

[Stavros Halkias]

I found out acting, it's like, damn, dude, these motherfuckers, like, prepare and like, like have to just be on set forever. Just. You have to just be ready to go whenever the fuck they say. I used to think stand up was hard. I was like, oh, this shit is the easiest thing in the fucking world, dude. Yeah. And so I'm just gonna. I'm like, you know what? I love stand up. That's. I realized that. So I'm just gonna. Yeah, just chill out. Live in a fucking cool place. I want to actually spend time in New York. So after the tour's over, I'm gonna get like a fucking.

[Caleb Heron]

I want to.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want to live like Bruce Wayne in New York for a couple years. Just get a sick, sick apartment and just like, yeah, just have a good time. Honestly, make cool shit. Like, I'd love to be able to, you know, I liked. What I liked about making the movie was you could, you know, I got to cast some of my friends. I got to hang out with people and stand up is so fucking lonely. You're just on the road. I mean, my best friend's my tour manager, so that's fun. But the cool thing about movies is like, yeah, what if, you know, and maybe I'll even say it. I'm trying to work on a fat camp movie so I could get all my fat friends in a movie.

[Caleb Heron]

Dude, what's.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, who do you think's. Hey, who do you think's a phone call?

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, we need a bitchy gay counselor. Like, we need oxygen on this movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. But, but yeah, dude, I just want to so do stand up, hang out and then like do projects that are fun with my friends. And that's why I want this movie to be. I don't want this to be like a fucking smash hit. I just want it to be like, okay, maybe next time somebody will give me $2 million to make a movie. So that. Because it was. We had to do it all in like three weeks. We were working like 16 hours under.

[Caleb Heron]

A million is a million sounds like a lot because it is a lot of money. Yeah, but making a move, a full length feature film for a million dollars is fucking psycho.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it sucked. It was like. And thank God I like, I wrote the movie with my friends so I knew my lines. But I was like, dude, if this was somebody else's movie and I had to fucking, like, I just, I just, I was like, this is too much work. I don't remember. I would not have remembered this fucking shit. So, yeah, I just want to do, Yeah, I just want to just make slightly bigger projects. I never, I don't really want to get like ultra famous. That seems fucking annoying. But this is fine. Just hang out, grill, Become my own grill master. Be in the uncle zone, dude, you know, well, maybe. Well, it's. That's, that'll be like me soft testing whether I want kids. Like, my brother is trying to, you know, have some kids. My best friend just had a kid. He's. He's like two at this point. So it's fun being like hanging out, doing like, you know, real life shit and realizing, you know, stand up and entertainment shit is bullshit and it doesn't make you feel good. Like even if you succeed, you're like, oh, oh, this is cool. But my life sucks dick youk know, I'm not happy. I mean, it's cool, but yeah, the. I've had too much brisket to get hard so is it worth anything?

[Caleb Heron]

The biggest career wins will not be as cool as just hanging out with your buddy. No, that is just like legitimately last night.

[Stavros Halkias]

So. So I'm about to leave for a while. One of my buddies going to Australia for work, one of my buddies going to Japan for a while. And so we hadn't seen each other and we just got together, fucking got some steaks, and then we just started fucking like, honestly, it was like old Greek. We were. All three of us are Greek, one is Albanian, and it was all like old Balkan guys. We started watching VMA highlights, just watching the sexy girl singers and just like getting like soft. Like, just an acceptable level of horny with your boys watching, like, fucking, I don't know, Carol G. Or like, there was some new couple, new bands. I don't know what they're named, but those gals can carry a tune and dance. You know what I'm saying? We ended up watching and then we went back to the memory lane. We were watching like, the Boy is mine from VMAs of our youth. And I remember and we were just sharing, like, I was like, dude, I was a fat 8 year old being like, they're singing about me. Like, pretending. Monica and Brandy were like. Like, I'll just listen to that song and be like, yeah, hot girls will say sing about me like this someday. Like, pretending I was the object of their affection, but just doing that with the boys. So much better than.

[Caleb Heron]

I would kill to know 8 year old Stavi.

[Stavros Halkias]

He was. Yeah, I was. I was a pretty fun.

[Caleb Heron]

I would love to know that guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I think we would cause some mayhem.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

I know we would erect it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've seen your baby pictures, dude. Like, I've seen you as a little kid. Us together would be a big problem.

[Caleb Heron]

We would have gotten into some trouble.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's just say if we were at like a baptism with an open Shirley Temple and dessert bar.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, boy.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was my first. My first, like, binge eating was like going like a baptism or a wedding as a fat kid and being like, no one's gonna stop me getting dessert. There's just unlimited desserts on this table. I would literally be like, sick from overeating pie. It was awesome, dude.

[Caleb Heron]

I recall the memory the other day of I was telling somebody about this might have been chance, but I was telling somebody that I. When I was like a freshman in high school, they. They needed someone to commentate the middle school football games. And they're like.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I played.

[Caleb Heron]

I was on the football team. And they were like, we do. We didn't play at the same time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Tackle.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell, yeah. Nose tackle.

[Caleb Heron]

Were you.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was your adversary. Oh, you're protecting. I was trying to wreak havoc.

[Caleb Heron]

Trying to get in there and cause a mess in the backfield. Trying to penetrate the pocket.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. Dude.

[Caleb Heron]

They had me. They had me commentate the middle school games and about. I would say I had the job for two weeks. And then they came to me and were like, you're let go from this. And the reason is because I was being too colorful. Like, I was being. I was like, ooh, the wide receiver is brought down by a gaggle of bulldogs on that one. I literally remember googling thesaurus.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Caleb Heron]

Trying to come up with different, like, words for group and tackle.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Caleb Heron]

And two weeks in there, like, it's just not what we need.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's crazy.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And so wait, it was. It was the older kids games?

[Caleb Heron]

No, it was the younger.

[Stavros Halkias]

Younger kids games.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Okay. That's fun.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. I was like, just up in the little booth at the. At the high school.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. No, you know, that is. I mean, I remember say kind of a similar thing where the first time I. In hindsight, you're like, oh, this is. This is who I always should have been was. There was the talent show, and I didn't want to be in it. I remember the year before, there was some drama. They kind of forced me, and my boys were going to be the Backstreet Boys, and they forced this fucking loser into our group, and we tried to ice him out, and then they called our parents. So I was done with the whole. All the drama, you know what I mean? I was like, if I can't do it my way, I'm fucking out. Okay, Little diva.

[Caleb Heron]

You walk in sunglasses, like, where's my rotisserie chicken? Sorry. Do we just not. Does the writer not mean anything anymore?

[Stavros Halkias]

And so I wasn't in the talent show, and they were like, we need someone to host it. And I hosted a talent show in, like, fourth grade, and it was like, an unreal buzz, dude. And I was truly, like, commenting, like, kind of roasting people. And they were like. I was like, holy fuck, this is awesome. And I just. For whatever reason, as a little kid then, I'm like, no, I'm a jock now. I'm fucking cool. You know what I mean? For years, I pretended I didn't want to do that shit, but it's like, you know, like, little. I'm sure you were having a great time. Commentating up there in that booth, dude.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, I had a blast.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And then same thing. Yeah, I know. You were playing football at Baltimore Polytechnic. That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Caleb Heron]

I know you were clocked in.

[Stavros Halkias]

Someone said up Wikipedia.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, I'm in there. I know everything there is to know about Stop.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Caleb Heron]

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[Stavros Halkias]

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[Caleb Heron]

Phones on us and four lines for.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Caleb Heron]

Continue bill credits or credit stop and.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Caleb Heron]

CT mobile.com yeah dude, same thing. I was like, I just want to be like, you know what? Actually legitimately such a mind fuck for me was I my freshman year, I was playing football and the JV and varsity guys like all practiced together and they were like, after. I was so terrified leading up to the first summer of football because for summer, like two days, it was like everyone showers together afterwards. And I knew I was gay at this point and I was like, it's going to be boner city for this guy right here. The hottest guys in my school are all showering together and I have to be in there or I have to be branded as like the most disgusting freak who got in his brush ready and went home.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, Right.

[Caleb Heron]

So I'm like, what is it? Are you gonna be the guy who got a boner in the shower, right? Or are you gonna be like pig pin? Yeah, like disgusting little creature.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I'm just thinking about chicks, guys. Don't mind me.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm thinking about Caitlyn. I wish Caitlyn was here. I love her opinions on the world. Don't we all get off to her opinions on the world, World. Don't we all have the same taste in music as Jessica?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I was so scared. And then I was like, it. I just have to go take a shower. Because it's better to probably be rumored gay than disgusting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course. Of course.

[Caleb Heron]

And I went in there, and immediately, the first thing they do, they all get. They get naked, and then they put on Greatest Hits by Cher. What? And sing along. Like. Like, ironically. Like, they were like, isn't it funny? They were listening to Cher. And I was like, in my head, I'm like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, because I love this song.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And then they're all, like, smacking. I'm not even kidding. Like, smacking each other on the number. Yeah, on the ass. And I was like, they're touching each other naked singing Cher. And I still believed in God at the point. At the time. And I was like, I legitimately am being, like, tested. What are you gonna do, brother? You're at a crossroads.

[Stavros Halkias]

One of them, like, shape shifts into, like, a demon. You're like, sing, share, and touch our asses.

[Caleb Heron]

I was like, and I would love to. That sounds amazing. The hottest. Like, I remember specifically three of the senior guys were, like, three of the hottest guys I'd ever seen in my life.

[Stavros Halkias]

So it's JV and the varsity. We're all doing this at the same time.

[Caleb Heron]

Small school.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. This graduating class was, like, 70.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

So we barely. A lot of the schools around us played eight, man.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow.

[Caleb Heron]

We barely had enough to have an 11, man.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

So we got beat a lot. But, yeah, the hottest guys I've seen in my life up to this point, naked together, fucking do run around, like, pinching each other.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Listening to Cher, I was like. I was like, what is going on?

[Stavros Halkias]

And by the way, homophobic. Oh, yeah. So homophobic that it's, like, funny to be like, they're like, we can't be gay, so we're gonna do gay shit.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're not gay.

[Caleb Heron]

I'll fucking my friend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

You think I'm gay. It literally is that Mark Wahlberg bit and the other guys. You remember that? Where he learns how to dance ironically.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just to make fun of gay people.

[Caleb Heron]

It's legitimate. Like, they're good at singing. Share.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. There.

[Caleb Heron]

It's a fun environment in there. I'm having a blast in the shower as a gay guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's so close to the, like, equinox steam room in there.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, it's one degree away from being that.

[Caleb Heron]

The only difference is that. And by the way, some of those guys were fooling around for sure. Not in there. But, like, I know some of those guys were messing. I hooked up with some of those guys. Hell, yeah. Like, I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

What a happy ending.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, it's not happy ending. It's not happy ending because the only difference is they're mean to you afterwards.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right. But you got a nut off. Yeah, listen, I know that's tough, but I didn't fuck at all in high school. So if I would have fucked a hot girl, then she would have called me a fat little pig. I would have been like, thank you. That's part of the bar.

[Caleb Heron]

Turnabout is fair play.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly, exactly.

[Caleb Heron]

All's fair, my queen.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely, absolutely. Cost of doing business. I remember this is very funny because we had similar worries, but mine was just because I had a little uncircumcised penis. It wasn't about being gay. I was like, I hope we don't have to shower. These guys are fucking. And the guys walking around naked had truly some of the largest dicks I've ever seen in my life.

[Caleb Heron]

I was like the first ones to get on dress.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I was like, what's. Are we even? Like, are we the same type of person? Like, what. What is going on here? How. How is that possible? How gigantic your dong is? But. But same thing where it was like some of those guys were like, pretend, like, would be over the top. Pretend like, kind of pretending to be like, you know, smack each other's ass with towels and stuff like that as a bit.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But luckily, Baltimore City, Baltimore City public schools, the showers were not up to code. So you like. I was like, I hope we don't have to do it. They're like, sorry, boys, showers are like lead infested.

[Caleb Heron]

You drop to your knees.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I was like, thank God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the nervous changing I did, like, in gym, I was like, I don't want to. I don't want to have to do this, but thank God, no showering for me. That was my out.

[Caleb Heron]

But you were out on that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Thank God. Baltimore's a shithole.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God. Our infrastructure is crumbling. Although we're on the way up, baby.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Yeah. Ravens are almost beating the Chiefs every.

[Stavros Halkias]

Shut the fuck up. Fuck you, you piece of shit. I hate you. I hate Mahomes. I hate Kelsey for sure. God. Fucking pieces of shit.

[Caleb Heron]

That's Crazy, because I love Lamar Jackson.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's awesome. He's cool.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, he rocks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't fucking patronize. Sorry.

[Caleb Heron]

He does with.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love Lamar. I do fucking piece.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm not like you. I'm a bigger.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God, this is so annoying.

[Caleb Heron]

Flowers is my boy.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's cool. He's awesome. I. It's so fucking annoying. I'll never. Why'd you have to bring that up? And I was at that game, too, last year. Last year, I was at the game. It was one of the worst moments of my life.

[Caleb Heron]

You and my friend Jack Martin both. Do you know Jack?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know Jackson.

[Caleb Heron]

Actor. He's great, but he's Baltimore. Huge Ravens fan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, cool.

[Caleb Heron]

You guys should be connected.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love it.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm gonna get the boys together.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get us together.

[Caleb Heron]

Going to the same games.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get us together.

[Caleb Heron]

He's watching you on screen, holding a handgun or whatever, whatever you're doing for that organization. I have Stavi holding the fucking pistol on the big screen. Every time I see it, I'm like, can we get some regulation on this? Is there a network exec who cares about this at all?

[Stavros Halkias]

I love my city, dude. Baltimore rules, dude. It's so easy to be the most famous guy from Baltimore.

[Caleb Heron]

It's like, Baltimore's like, who we got? We got a comedian with a switchblade. Should we. Should we put him on a billboard?

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. I'm hoping the gun makes it into official team. I pitch point.

[Caleb Heron]

Is it not?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's just an unofficial meme amongst fans. I definitely did pitch. I literally pitched a bit with a switchblade. And they're like, no. Like, no. And they're like, stop. You can say makeshift weapon. Like, I had to, like. I, like, fight them for how explicit I could be about the weapons I had.

[Caleb Heron]

Even still, they're like, we do know that our fans are gonna want to hear something about a weapon.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

You can say makeshift weapon. That'll get them going.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I mean, the Ravens rock because they're like, look, for us, don't curse when it's official, but do whatever the you want. Because it was just like, I cannot believe that they have embraced the bullshit I do online. It's great. It's like the dumbest, most racist guy from Baltimore giving commentary on the games. And they're like, yep, bring them. Put them on the jumbotron.

[Caleb Heron]

Hey, free tickets for life, brother.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. This is our year, baby. We're going to put it together. You're going to crumble. I can feel it. Travis. Kelsey, not even his head isn't in the game. It was doing development deals. He's getting ready for his Amazon straight to prime action movie career.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

He. This head's not in the game. I'm not going to deny that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

We all we need him to do is be a distraction and have two people guarding him so that Hollywood Brown, Rashid Rice and Xavier Worthy can.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is. It's so annoying that Hollywood also. We drafted him. I loved him as well. And he's got a great name. If he catch a touchdown on us, I will be pissed.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I will take it out on you personally.

[Caleb Heron]

You'll come to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'll come to you. And I just am rooting so I don't want to even give you the satisfaction of telling you all this.

[Caleb Heron]

I know how to say it. We know now.

[Stavros Halkias]

God damn it, dude. I'm such. They've turned me into a pure hater. I can't even demure it all. I want nothing but pain and suffering for the entire Chiefs organization. We have it. We were ruining for the downfall. Yeah, but you got. You got plenty. You got enough.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, you think that's the thing is everyone was willing to give us like one or two first. That organization's been through a lot.

[Stavros Halkias]

If you win this year, dude, I'm.

[Caleb Heron]

Jealous that the Ravens have embraced you. I can't get the Chiefs to call me. They've got Rob Riggle doing everything.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. You're fucked. They got a lot of celebrities.

[Caleb Heron]

They got a lot.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the guy from Modern Family who's just you. There's literally an older fucking version of you with a successful family, wholesome career. You're fucked. Yeah, fuck you. That's what you get.

[Caleb Heron]

Stonestreet is a straight guy, first of all.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

Shout out Eric for heterosexuality. Thank you for your service, King.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, but you know what I'm saying.

[Caleb Heron]

Paul Rudd, Heidi Gardner.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you know, they just.

[Caleb Heron]

They got all these. They got all these.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's even. That's good. That's even more salt in the wound. Straight guy pretending to be gay gets all your shine. Fuck you. Fuck you and the Chiefs. I'm so happy I'm taking personal fucking wins since I can't beat the organization. I just want you to suffer.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. You try to take me down on the podcast where you admitted that you ate too much pork to get head. Try to take my stock down.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm an open book, baby.

[Caleb Heron]

You decided you're gonna take me down after you tried to bond over not being able to get Hard.

[Stavros Halkias]

Honestly. You're a medical marvel, bro. With that. That fuck. I want to test your circulation. I want you on those machines with the fucking, you know the thing. Like, I want to see you running and moving. Yes, I got the hooked up to my chest.

[Caleb Heron]

My titties are bouncing in the wind.

[Stavros Halkias]

We don't get it. He's fat as fuck, but his dick is hard. It's like I've never seen anything like.

[Caleb Heron]

Tim Allen and the Santa Claus.

[Stavros Halkias]

Their fucking glasses off, like. Well, this can't be right. Reboot the machine. Yeah, sir, I've checked it four times. It's what it says. Oh, my God.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh.

[Stavros Halkias]

No idea what this means. They just have you fucking hooked up to a machine. Your scientists injecting your stem cells into other fat guys.

[Caleb Heron]

I make my own boner pills. Their scientists were so concerned with whether or not they could. Didn't even consider.

[Stavros Halkias]

Now every fat guy's hard.

[Caleb Heron]

They're fucking menaces.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what the DXL changing rooms are looking like?

[Caleb Heron]

I don't like the way people in DXL talk to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't like it? No. What is. I love it.

[Caleb Heron]

They talk to me like a chubby chaser on a dating app.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're like, you don't like it because maybe you've experienced that as a straight man. I think it's nice.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I like feeling coveted by them. I do get the vibe that they would would me off if I asked for real man or woman, by the way.

[Caleb Heron]

By the way.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, either one. They that. They all project that vibe.

[Caleb Heron]

If you see a skinny gay guy working at a dxl, let me tell you, brother, you could bust his walls down at any moment. You could take him in the stock room and have your way. He's not in there because he loves fashion. He's not in there for a passion for cargo pants.

[Stavros Halkias]

He doesn't want fucking a khaki with the most pleats you've ever seen in your life.

[Caleb Heron]

He doesn't just love Coca Cola branded T shirts. He's got an ulterior motive.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. He doesn't love nun bush dress shoes. No. The only big and tall story I've ever felt comfortable in was in Paris. It was like the one big and tall store in Paris. And I think it's called 6XL. Like, it's like xxxxxl and it's a tiny little shop like on the spank, but it's adorable. And I went there once because it was. I was too cold in Paris and I hadn't packed a coat and I was like, I gotta find a coat in Europe for a fat guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is the one store that exists.

[Caleb Heron]

Truly. There's nothing else.

[Stavros Halkias]

People are coming in from Brussels.

[Caleb Heron]

Basic.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. People are doing a fucking Hajj pilgrimage to this place. Fat guys are like sweating through public transit on the fucking Amtrak, Their version of the Eurostar.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

So I go in there and there's this older black lady, like a French lady, and she doesn't speak much English, but she could say Los Angeles, New York City. And beautiful at any size.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's. Oh, beautiful at any size.

[Caleb Heron]

And so she said New York and I said Los Angeles. And she said Los Angeles. Beautiful at any size. And then she just. I would try something on and she would go, beautiful at any size.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome.

[Caleb Heron]

And I loved that.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's great.

[Caleb Heron]

I really connected. I got out a translator because I wanted to talk to her. And so I started putting things into fringe and I'm like, best places to eat around here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Where do your guys go when you see guys come in here with takeout bags?

[Stavros Halkias]

Where did they come from?

[Caleb Heron]

You know, we had a blast.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Me and her.

[Stavros Halkias]

You walk out of there and it's like. You know how when you touch a statue and it's like the point. The points people touch is gold.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like out of there just goes directly to like every restaurant within four blocks. You just have to follow the path.

[Caleb Heron]

There's like.

[Stavros Halkias]

You get followed to a croissant. Like just the Burger king and fucking McDonald. You know.

[Caleb Heron]

I was gonna say croissant. Nice try. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's going to a Taco Bell, you know, bakeries. As if that's a great place to be a fat guy.

[Caleb Heron]

France. I'm in the bakeries. I'm in the boulangerie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm in there doing shit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Checking things out. I love Paris.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I didn't like it so much, but I don't know, it's a little too. The fact that even have us big and tall store actually surprised me.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not a fat friendly place.

[Caleb Heron]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which is interesting because all their food is so fattening.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It kind of makes you feel crazy. You almost feel ghastly.

[Caleb Heron]

You do.

[Stavros Halkias]

How are you all eating butter every day?

[Caleb Heron]

Constantly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Steaks basted in butter. You know, baguettes with meats and cheeses and, you know, gruyere cheese and all this kind of shit. And all of you are skinny. It's weird. It doesn't make sense.

[Caleb Heron]

Some of my favorite. I love people either. Love or hate Paris. I've noticed. And a lot of fat people hate Paris. I love to conquer a place that doesn't want me. I love to feel like I've exerted my will over a city. The city hates fat people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

I love to walk around as a jolly, fat American.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Caleb Heron]

I smile. I say howdy to people. I like them to know that I'm enjoying myself.

[Stavros Halkias]

Respect that.

[Caleb Heron]

I say, how do y'all? I expect to know I'm exerting my will over Paris.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Interesting.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm having a good time in there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Slavia, I have a question for you, please. Big question on the pod.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

Name of the show.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Caleb Heron]

What's so true to you?

[Stavros Halkias]

Ooh.

[Caleb Heron]

What's something that's so true to you lately? What do you. What's a hill you would die on recently?

[Stavros Halkias]

Very interesting. Wow. This. This. It's. It's very rare that you do a podcast that it becomes clear you haven't ever watched a whole episode of. You know, you've got this sort of like your little test to see. I've watched some.

[Caleb Heron]

Hey, it's no worries, brother, if you think I'm sitting through a full stoppies world. Yeah. After about 26 minutes in your apartment, trust and believe.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm moving on to music videos in beautiful Santorini, Greece. Everyone can tell it's on location. What is so true to me?

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. What's on your mind?

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, we kind of talked about it a little bit in London. But what is so true, unfortunately, is that all the advice people tell you about feeling better and getting healthier is just true. Yeah. You always want a little secret. You always want a little something, but it's like, eat a couple more veggies.

[Caleb Heron]

Go on a walk.

[Stavros Halkias]

Go on a fucking walk.

[Caleb Heron]

Drink a glass of water.

[Stavros Halkias]

Drink one. Work out every. Like, I was sick this week and I couldn't work out. I feel atrocious.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want to work out. Like, I want to go lift weights in a way that, like, you know, you used to want to do drugs, and it's like. But it's good for you.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's just. It's both freeing, but it's also like, ah, fuck. There really is no secret.

[Caleb Heron]

It's a nightmare.

[Stavros Halkias]

Kind of have to constantly sort of work. Work at it.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that, unfortunately, is very true. It's. This is a somber. So true.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, it's the saddest. Never expected it from someone I trust so much.

[Stavros Halkias]

I packed fucking salmon and broccoli after this.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You Know, if I. If I had my ways about me, I'd have a nice little lunch here in Manhattan, but just gonna fucking get my Omega threes and eat some broccoli and.

[Caleb Heron]

Dude, about my business, I think touring taught me this as well, because I would. I'd be like, oh, let me grab some Thai for lunch or something, you know, and my stomach hurts so bad that I don't want to do the show.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. You know what would have been smart? A salad and some grilled chicken. You idiot. You like a child. Like, it's like, I'm like, I'm home alone.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

You know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

Like, just have a salad. Truly. Like, two years ago, I started, like, when I. When I feel depressed, like, start. Truly. Just like, working through my little list of, like, I'm gonna call someone I haven't talked to in a while.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm gonna have a glass of water and go on a walk.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And it enrages me that it works.

[Stavros Halkias]

It sucks that it works.

[Caleb Heron]

20 minutes into the walk, I'll be so blissful and I'll catch myself being blissful and I'll be like, you idiot.

[Stavros Halkias]

It sucks. Yeah, I know.

[Caleb Heron]

This is what you needed.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, dude. I've been sober this year, too. Like, I was just like, that's helps. I've been taught. I call, you know, call my family. That's good. All that.

[Caleb Heron]

That's nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

It turns out it's nice to do that. Yeah, dude. So, yeah, unfortunately, it's just got to do a bunch of boring. And it's good and it feels good.

[Caleb Heron]

That is so true.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you, man.

[Caleb Heron]

Hey, that was beautiful, brother.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's important. Here's the thing. It's important within the plus side, and this is just. Only fat people listen to this part, by the way. Yeah, let's rewind.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't have thin fans.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, great. Yeah, put that. Because this is sort of like. We could talk amongst ourselves.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Vegetables actually are good for us.

[Caleb Heron]

Polite company.

[Stavros Halkias]

Polite company. It's like. Yeah, but, you know, I don't want to. I don't want to enthuse the, like, the people that, like, smile when they see you go to the gym. The people that, like, tear up when they see you on a fucking elliptical. This ain't for you.

[Caleb Heron]

Get out of here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay? Stop praising us because we're at the fucking gym. We're just having, you know, we're just going to do that. But yes, it's important that within the community, we admit to ourselves, it's great to be you know, I love being a plus size king. I would never trade it for anything. But, you know, I feel a little better now that I've been eating vegetables for six months.

[Caleb Heron]

All things in balance.

[Stavros Halkias]

All things in balance, yeah. All things in balance. Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

Maybe we don't need to eat a critical mass amount of brisket.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. I think that part of my life is over. Yeah. I started actually ordering the right amount at steakhouses. And the first time I ordered, I like measured out how much of a rib eye you're supposed to eat. I was in tears. I grilled the most beautiful ribeye you've ever seen in your life. And I was like. And then I was like, all right, six ounces. I was like, this is how much? And it was like, I cut it once. I was like, okay, I had to cut it 3. It was in thirds was the appropriate amount. And it was a devastating realization. But you know what? I didn't wake up in the middle of the night sweating after eating the whole thing. You know what I mean? So, yeah, I've been eating, you know, that amount. Just. You can still have what you like, but maybe just the amount you should.

[Caleb Heron]

Dude, one of my all time favorite treats is because I'm on the same wave that you're on. Honestly, it's like I'm eating less, I'm moving more.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm chilling on that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

But I am just trying to feel good all the time. Whatever that means.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

But one of my favorite things, specifically when I'm in Kansas City and specifically if my friend Kevin is in town as well, is I like to get a little bit high. Like two hits of a joint.

[Stavros Halkias]

Love that.

[Caleb Heron]

Just the tiniest. Like a highness has like wafted over.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And go to Texas Roadhouse and order. And order a big ass steak and some fucking green beans and mashed potatoes and a sweet tea. And the last time I went in there to do this, I got a little too high. I did like two too many hits. So I'm like, I'm like buzzing. Walking into the Texas Roadhouse and one of the fattest guys I've ever seen yelled out and was like, caleb Heron, brother, you mind if I get a pic? I was like, yeah, man. And he didn't post. If he posted the picture, he didn't tag me in it. But the picture of me had to be like, yeah, just like scared and like starving. And then my server. So then it kicked off a whole thing where the server was like, so what are you famous or something? And I was like, no, no, that's an old friend. And she was like, no, it's not. And I was like, God damn it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Now I have to have a rapport, and I usually love a rapport, but keep in mind, I'm, like, clinically high. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

All you want is your fucking New York strip.

[Caleb Heron]

I want a fucking. Yeah. I want a rib eye and some A1 sauce so I can go to town.

[Stavros Halkias]

You pieces.

[Caleb Heron]

I'll eat it with Heinz57.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't think I won't, man. Come on, you're better than this.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm not. I. Once every month or two, I'll go in there and do a little damage at the TX Roadhouse.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I like. Yeah, I like to. I. I just. I. I still eat the same way, but I'm like, it's just a better version of what I. The trash I used to eat. But I guess respect for you for still delving into those depths.

[Caleb Heron]

I do. I test the ever. I'd say once every. Every. Probably every two months.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I go in there and just really? I tip a hat to the old me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

I say, hey, brother, maybe it's just.

[Stavros Halkias]

That Texas Roadhouse was not important to me. Maybe. Maybe I need to check out. We were a Chili's family.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. A triple dipper.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Honey sprout chicken crisper, Southwest egg rolls, some sliders.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

You think I'm not the skillet queso at Chili's.

[Stavros Halkias]

I remember that. That was a big moment for me when I got the nerve to order the New York strip.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because that was my father's order.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I was like, today. I was like. It was like a moment where it was like, you know, everything stops, and we kind of wait to see if my dad will allow it. And he's like. He gives me a solemn nod. Yeah. It's like, that's a fat bar mitzvah.

[Caleb Heron]

Truly is.

[Stavros Halkias]

When your dad lets you order a ribeye at Chili's for the first time. He goes.

[Caleb Heron]

He excuses himself to the bathroom, Cries in the mirror. My boy is finally a man. No more chicken tenders. Did he ask you to get a job the next week?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. I was already working with him in the. I was a horrible employee. My dad's a carpenter, so he was just like. I was just like. In theory, I would help him. I would sweep. I would help him move shit. But I was mostly just, like, watching Martin and his little. The TV that, like, you had to calibrate still.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was like, the way you did a radio was like a shitty antenna tv. And I would be like, oh, yeah, I have. I'm going to go get a drink. And I would just watch full episodes of Martin until he was like, where the are you? And I would just chill in the bathroom. Bathroom's, like, kind of far away. So I would just, like, take a magazine and just, like, read in the bathroom until he caught me. I was so bad at being an.

[Caleb Heron]

Employee, but, dude, one of the best. One of the best things that ever happened to me at a workplace ever. I don't know why that's what made me think of it was one of the office jobs I had in Chicago where I was an admin assistant. There was this guy that I worked with. I won't say his name, but we'll call him Jay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jay Leno.

[Caleb Heron]

Jay Leno for Jay Leno. Yeah. Sleeping out back for stage time at the advertising firm. This guy Jay, I fucking loved this guy. And he was like, I wouldn't say he's gullible, but when he got. He ended up getting scammed. No one was like, oh, they got Jay. Everyone was like, yeah. And he basically, our. Our CEO emailed him and said, jay, I need you to run to the store right now and get me $2,000 of Google Play gift cards. Oh, my God, my company card is missing. I'll reimburse you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Insane.

[Caleb Heron]

So he, like, ran out and got 2,000.

[Stavros Halkias]

Didn't that buy anyone?

[Caleb Heron]

Nope.

[Stavros Halkias]

Was like, hey, have you guys heard from Ted? Yeah, it's been kind of weird over here.

[Caleb Heron]

He needs me to run and get Google Play gift cards.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know.

[Caleb Heron]

And he did. He got the Google Play gift cards, and then everyone. He had to he. The receipt was, like, this long. And Janan, the, like, head admin assistant, like, walked around with the receipt to. Everyone was like, do you guys hear what Jay did? Like, truly was like, showing the receipt to everyone.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was awesome. Poor Jay.

[Caleb Heron]

So then we had to try and find creative ways to use these Google Play gift cards and, like, rewards for our. Like, we'd be like, oh, really? Yeah, we had. We had to do something with them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

With $2,000.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn. That's crazy.

[Caleb Heron]

They weren't gonna leave Jay on the hook.

[Stavros Halkias]

Good. That's a nice company.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was 100. Assuming Jay was. Sorry, Jay, I don't know.

[Caleb Heron]

Dip into that college fund for your kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Find a grocery store that accepts Google Play.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, you better strike a deal with your landlord. We're not covering that. Oh, my God. Well, stop. It was so good to have you, bro.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you so much.

[Caleb Heron]

Is there anything you want to tell the people?

[Stavros Halkias]

Just. October 25th, let's start a cult comes out, and then it'll probably be a couple weeks after that. Go see it in theaters if you can. And then we're going to figure out some. You know, it'll probably be up for rent a couple weeks after that. But, yeah, that's pretty much it, man. I got a tour at some point. I'll announce that after the movie, and I'll be. I'll be on the road in 25 a bunch, but find me on the Internet. Stavie Bab. That's it, dude.

[Caleb Heron]

Follow Stavi everywhere. We love you. Thanks for coming.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you. Love you, brother.