I went to a drinking party over the weekend with my in-laws. The family party was by the Jersey Shore, which is a 6 hour drive from my house. I’ve described these parties in the past as marathon drinking parties, because the drinking lasts so many hours. This one was 4 hours at a restaurant, then 4 hours at someone’s house.

I think people assume that being sober around drunk people is always hard because you want what they have. They assume the challenge is temptation. Like you’re standing there staring at everyone’s wine glass thinking, “Poor me, I can’t have that.” But that was not my experience at all.

I’m over 6 years sober, and being at this party did not make me want to drink or feel deprived. When you’re drinking, you are inside the experience, but when you’re sober and everyone else is drinking, you’re not inside that illusion. You’re watching what alcohol actually does.

Because from the inside, alcohol can feel like connection, confidence, fun, freedom, and relief. From the outside, it can look like people getting louder, closer, less aware, more repetitive, more intrusive, and less connected to the actual person in front of them.

So this episode is not about how to white-knuckle your way through a drinking event. It’s not about how to survive a party while secretly wishing you could drink. It’s about what happens when you’re far enough away from alcohol that you can see it without the fantasy.

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Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.

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