116: Internet Booze with Mark Normand | Soder Podcast | EP 114

Summary

Soder Podcast EP 116: "Internet Booze" with Mark Normand

Date: January 13, 2026
Host: Dan Soder
Guest: Mark Normand

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Overview

In this candid, hilarious, and occasionally poignant episode, Dan Soder sits down with longtime friend and fellow comedian Mark Normand. They dive deep into the intertwined worlds of comedy and the internet, discuss the emotional toll and absurdities of online life, late night TV, sports fandom, parenting in a digital age, therapy, and, of course, busting each other’s chops. You'll find witty banter about the hidden pitfalls of success, the evolving landscape of stand-up, social media’s impact on well-being, and heartfelt insights about friendship and family.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Late Night Comedy & Conan Experiences

[00:41 - 06:06]

• Dan praises Mark as consistently the funniest in late night situations, referencing bits like Mark's "Conan tie" gag.
• Conan O'Brien anecdotes: Both comics recount how significant it is when Conan, still a comic at heart, supports guests after less-than-ideal sets.
  • Notable quote:
    • Dan: "At the end of the show, he went, ‘They sucked!’ — made me feel so much better." [02:21]
  • The importance of the warm-up act for studio audiences; Mark notes how a change in Conan’s opener dramatically affected crowd energy.
• Discussion of the unsung difficulty and "trap" of being a warm-up comic: daily grind, decent pay, but a potential career rut.

Navigating Internet Criticism & Reddit

[07:28 - 14:39]

• The duo bond over the unique hell of reading about yourself on Reddit — Dan likens it to "touching a hot stove," Mark admits to deleting videos after criticism.
• Empathy and online fame: Soder riffs on how everyone should "walk around with 500,000 followers" or have a subreddit post about them, to understand public scrutiny.
  • Quote:
    • Dan: "I feel like everyone should have a subreddit post about them." [08:17]
• The torch-passing dynamic of internet love turning to hate, referencing the Opie and Anthony subreddit’s volatility.

Internet & Empathy

[10:46 - 11:18]

• The comics mourn the loss of empathy online — how anonymous comments cut deep and "kill off" necessary social compassion.
• Quote:
  • Dan: “What the Internet kills off that we need to fight for is empathy.” [10:55]

Online Dating Realities

[14:39 - 16:22]

• Mark shares his Tinder and Bumble experiences — comedic women using lackluster lines, the awkwardness of online dating as a comic.
  • Quote:
    • Mark: "They're trying to bust balls and be neggy...but it's weird, like, what if I was like, my tits are bigger?" [16:09]

Social Media, Mental Health, and Parenting

[17:12 - 41:08]

• They riff on studies and societal shifts: increased suicide rates, Australia’s social media experiments, the shift of hip hop from the charts.
• Internet exposure for children: both express skepticism about letting their (or future) kids near social media, with Mark sharing his child’s tech-free upbringing and discussing how boredom and off-screen play are more valuable than stimulation by screens.
  • Quote:
    • Mark: "I’m trying because it you up. It us up. I think I'm...remember how joyous life was. We just walk around and look at things." [33:15]
• Dan compares first using social media to early cigarettes or alcohol — a form of “social lube” that quickly becomes habit.

The Internet's Impact on Real Life

[41:09 - 61:13]

• Extended riff on how internet exposure — including to violence and shocking content — is rewiring brains.
  • Anecdotes about the shock value of old VHS tapes like "Faces of Death" compared to today's constant exposure.
  • Quote:
    • Dan: “It’s crazy when you think that the Internet is just that [Faces of Death] in your pocket. All the time you’re waking up.” [44:46]
• The permanence of angry online outbursts ("This you?") versus the fleeting nature of real-world emotion.

Stand-up, Scene Rivalries & Comic Habits

[48:08 - 65:17]

• The duo reflect on legends (Chris Rock, Chappelle), the recycled physical tics and cadences among comics, and the territorialism of comedy cities (NY vs LA vs Austin).
  • Impressions and “honest corrections” comics give each other:
    • Dan: “Honesty needs to have a resurgence. Bargetsy one time...was like, 'Hey, you’re doing the Burr shifting.'” [63:37]
  • They laugh about learning to spot their own and each other’s borrowed performance quirks.
• Final notes on community, real-life kindness, and how internet life can stifle or distort authentic connection.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Late Night & Conan

• Dan, on Conan’s empathy after a rough set:
  “He just looks at the crowd, he goes, ‘They sucked!’ — and it made me feel so much better.” [02:21]
• Mark, summarizing Conan:
  “You think they’re just robots...but they feel it. They’re still comics.” [02:27]

Reading Internet Hate

• Dan: “It’s touching a hot stove. The second you do go and you look and it’s bad, it’ll your shit up.” [07:45]
• Mark: “I just deleted two videos the other day because I read some shit...” [07:54]

Social Media, Fame, and Empathy

• Dan: “Everyone should have a subreddit post about them...because you read that...and you see the amount of punches you’re gonna take.” [08:22]

Parenting & Devices

• Mark: “I'm trying...because it you up, it us up. Remember how joyous life was. We just walk around and look at things.” [33:15]
• Dan: “We gotta bring boredom back.” [35:52]

On Therapy and Family

• Mark: “Divorce is very healthy. I think if you get a divorce, it’s usually for the best.” [47:57]
• Dan: “Having a two parent household in that balance versus having phone or no phone...that’s going to make a big diff.” [46:44]

The Internet as ‘Permanent First Reaction’

• Dan: “What I don’t like about the Internet is...when I get riled up about stuff and then you calm down, you go, well, I feel different now. The Internet’s permanent. And it’s very first reaction.” [60:05]

Stand-up Comedy Habits & Honesty

• Dan: “Honesty needs to have a resurgence. Bargetsy one time...was like, hey, you’re doing the Burr shifting.” [63:36]
• Mark: “Somebody told me I was doing norms over here...and I had to drop the over.” [64:12]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:41 - 06:06] — Conan, Late Night Comedy, Warm-up Comics
• [07:28 - 14:39] — Navigating Reddit, Internet Criticism, Empathy
• [14:39 - 16:22] — Online Dating as a Comic
• [17:12 - 41:08] — Social Media Impact, Kids & Tech, Parenting Philosophy
• [41:09 - 49:08] — Internet Violence, Faces of Death, Exposure to Disturbing Content
• [48:08 - 61:13] — Therapy, Divorce, Family, Comic Rivalries, Stand-up Mannerisms
• [63:36 - 65:28] — Self-Policing in Comedy, Final Jokes and Outtakes

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Closing Vibe

The episode is equal parts irreverent and sincere, cracking open the weird, often contradictory feelings that come with making people laugh and living online. Soder and Normand’s rapport is warm, brutally honest, and constantly self-aware: two comics who love their craft, love their friends, and worry just enough about the strange world that digital life has made for themselves—and for the next generation.

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Host: Dan Soder
Guest: Mark Normand
Podcast: Soder | Episode 116: "Internet Booze"

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Transcript

[Dan Soder]

Hey, guys. Golden Retriever of Comedy tour is starting back up in February. February 13th. We kick back off in Orlando, but we're coming to Tampa, Buffalo, New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Dallas, Houston, Oklahoma City. The. The list goes on and on. Go to dansoder.com and see all announced dates. All dates are up and the tickets are on sale. Go buy tickets right now. I really appreciate it and I hope you're here doing okay. I think we'll go comedy first half and then I really want to talk about McDaniel, but McDaniel, my buddy.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, the dolphin.

[Dan Soder]

The former dolphin.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, sorry.

[Dan Soder]

Now he's a porpoise. You know, he no longer has a porpoise. Out of all the comics that we came up with, you have consistently done the funniest in late night situations.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that I know.

[Dan Soder]

No one else we're friends with would ever do. I'm Kevin Hart closing the set with I'm Kevin Hart.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

Though. Wiping your.

[Mark Normand]

The Conan tie.

[Dan Soder]

Was he mad about that?

[Mark Normand]

He didn't love it because his mic was on his tie. So he was like, what are you doing? This could ruin the whole show. But I had to do it. I just got like a weird.

[Dan Soder]

Did he calm down?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he was cool. It wasn't the end of the world. But I asked to do his pod and he was like, we're good.

[Dan Soder]

So. So I can't get on there either.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really? Okay. Okay.

[Dan Soder]

I think it's level of fame.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. All right.

[Dan Soder]

I think you. I mean, you're. You're pretty famous.

[Mark Normand]

So are you.

[Dan Soder]

No, I'm. I'm below you. So we got to look at how it's going to get on Conan. Conan. Have us both on. How about that?

[Mark Normand]

That would be great.

[Dan Soder]

Talk about your late night sets. Cuz he did one of the coolest things that I've seen in the business where the second time I did Conan, I didn't like my set.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Just didn't like it. Didn't feel like it went well.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't like it either.

[Dan Soder]

He. He called me to the couch and you know, like, say good night.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Because they do that. It's not like Carson.

[Mark Normand]

They're just doing it the same thing. You're like, we're gonna chat. And he's like, just shut up, shut up.

[Dan Soder]

I'll do this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But he did something really cool where at the end of the show he went, all right, that's all my time. He thanked the guests and he's like a dance Soto. Thank you guys. Good night. Anyway. And you know it's like the cloud crowd's clapping. He goes, how'd you think you did? I go, I, I hated that set. And he just looks at the crowd. He goes, they sucked like that. And it made me feel so much better.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Dan Soder]

Instantly.

[Mark Normand]

That's amazing.

[Dan Soder]

Just to have that like kind of.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's huge because you don't think these guys are. You think they're just robots just out there like dancing monkeys. But they, they feel it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. They're still comics.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So they still feel like Conan's still a funny person. So he knows when they're laughing. Right. Or not.

[Mark Normand]

Well, Conan changed his opener, his warm up guy and that chance. I've done the show, I did the show like seven or eight times and it was like night and day, really. From the new op. The new warm up guy. And I don't want to on the old one because he's a funny guy, but the new one just changed the whole dynamic. The crowd was way hotter.

[Dan Soder]

Really? You noticed the significant difference?

[Mark Normand]

Completely. Completely. That is crazy because you got to think this is 5pm Universal Studios, fat, you know, Cleveland, people coming in on vacation with Mickey ears on.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You know, and yeah, they're just like Jaws.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And now they're, they're. Did you see Ryan Reese's documentary about warm up?

[Mark Normand]

I told him I have, but I haven't.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it's. I'm going to tell you, it's good.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. Okay.

[Dan Soder]

If you're a fan of comedy. Yeah, it, it's fucking good. Because it really shows you, like, those dudes are necessary and they have to be good at it. Sure. But then it puts them in this weird position Right. Where they're going after. Because when we were coming up and all I wanted to do is not have a day job and be a comic.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I remember the lure of warm up.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yeah. You get dental benefits, health.

[Dan Soder]

You're doing a show every day in front of important people.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You're working on it. You're getting. You don't. You know, and then you see it and you go, it is a trap.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, completely. Completely. I know the girl does the View and she's like, it's tough. You got to be in there early in the morning and you got to deal with all those crazy coups. Ladies.

[Dan Soder]

And who does, who do you. Who do you think is harder to warm up? Gutfeld or the View?

[Mark Normand]

I would say the View View because.

[Dan Soder]

I think liberal audiences are too. Like, don't say that.

[Mark Normand]

And it's all ladies.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's all like, ladies, they don't work because they're there in the middle of the day.

[Dan Soder]

You got to be like, hey, your husband.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, exactly. And you're. You're a husband, you're a white guy. They don't want that.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. And then. And then Gutfeld must be pretty easy. Jingle keys.

[Mark Normand]

You just go, hey, my kids in a Somali daycare.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You go trans. And I said, trans Am.

[Mark Normand]

And they go, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Every opening for Gutfeld's audience, you just have to do my. My pronouns are proud American.

[Mark Normand]

They're like, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

The view. They're like. It's like walking a minefield.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly. You just go out there, Maduro, we got him. Fireworks going on. American flag drops.

[Dan Soder]

Just show them a gun.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, I love it.

[Dan Soder]

The view. You have to be like, I am incensed.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

With the pronouns used.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Dan Soder]

Did you see the way that gay dog was treated on the Internet? You know, like, now I understand that. That's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Dan Soder]

Let's do a roast battle with the opener. The warm up. Is it Mackie that warms up Gutfeld?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, he's for him. I don't know if he's a warm up. He's a weird warm up. He'd be.

[Dan Soder]

He's so funny.

[Mark Normand]

He's one of the great joke writers.

[Dan Soder]

I watched him at the Cellar a couple months ago, and I was like.

[Mark Normand]

This guy just did a special recording.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, great.

[Mark Normand]

Finally.

[Dan Soder]

Such tight jokes.

[Mark Normand]

He's never done a special. No. Isn't that great? Well, he had eight of them, but then he would be like, they're not good. Scrap it. So he couldn't. He couldn't live something I don't believe in. Make sure that's the only time he likes abortion.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You got to bring that special to term. If you filmed it, you gotta it. If you're pro comedy, you better release.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, it was late term too, because that thing was edited. It had, like, art on it and everything.

[Dan Soder]

I love this. We're back to busting balls. They can't stop us. Dude, I. I did a podcast episode with Tommy Pope.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, nice.

[Dan Soder]

Love him. We talked about the NFL. He's a big Eagles guy. I'm a big 49ers guy. They're playing this week. And then I talked about what it's like having a friend who's an NFL head coach.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Because you got to deal with sports shows talking about your friend. Oh, like us joking about Joe. We all know it's. We love Joe. He's hilarious. He can text us and be like, that wasn't funny. And that's fine.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

When you watch, like, cable sports shows and they're talking your friend.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

It gets you. It got me. I could. I can't handle it.

[Mark Normand]

And also sports, what we do is subjective. So you go, that guy sucks. You're like, to you, he's not funny to you.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

You lost that game. There's no way around that you lost.

[Dan Soder]

Exactly. And that's already painful enough because you want to see your friends do well.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Dan Soder]

Then what sucks even more is, is all these people coming in going, I'm gonna tell you the reason they did list. They lost because they bad, bad. And like, Katie is, you know, obviously worked in sports forever, and she kind of helps me navigate because I'll get mad at you. Go, no, it's that there's people that are analyzing them and people that are criticizing them.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

Those are the two differences.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But man, I pimp had to edit it out of the Tommy episode. But I was like. Because I go on the dolphins Reddit.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, no.

[Dan Soder]

And they were like, because I've stopped going to all comedy Reddit.

[Mark Normand]

Good for you.

[Dan Soder]

It's. It's. You have to learn how to not do it.

[Mark Normand]

I know, I know.

[Dan Soder]

It's touching a hot stove.

[Mark Normand]

It's a. It's one day at a time.

[Dan Soder]

It's one day at a time. And it's touching a hot stove. Because the second you do go and you look and it's bad, it'll your shit up.

[Mark Normand]

Totally. I just deleted two videos the other day because I read some shit and you re.

[Dan Soder]

And I think everyone. Katie used to have a theory that everyone, like, this is an old theory she had that everyone should walk around with over, I think 500, 000 followers on Instagram just to see how it feels.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's good.

[Dan Soder]

To feel how everybody is criticized.

[Mark Normand]

That's good.

[Dan Soder]

And I feel like everyone should have a subreddit post about them.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

Because you read that. And the first time I experienced it was the Opie and Anthony subreddit because they liked me. And then when they turned that day.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes.

[Dan Soder]

I, like, had a coffee and I was like, let me check the opening soda. And then you go in and there's like 193 comments. And you're like, you. You see the amount of punches you're gonna take?

[Mark Normand]

They're right.

[Dan Soder]

They're absolutely.

[Mark Normand]

I had the same thought before I went to bed last night. And you just said it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. And so it's. But there should Be. You know how they do those things with like a period or pregnancy where they put it on a man and you feel the pain.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes.

[Dan Soder]

They should do that with Reddit comments. Like, somehow it fires your synapse that causes anxiety or doubt. And you're like, now, there you go. That's what happened. If you put out a bad YouTube special.

[Mark Normand]

Did you see that video of the woman who was like, it's got to be so easy to be a man. I wish I was a man. And she dressed up as a man, like, full crazy. What is that Rick guy who does all the special effects?

[Dan Soder]

I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

Baker and all that.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah, he's like the special.

[Mark Normand]

The guy. So they got a guy like him to make her look like a man, and she went out for a week and she killed herself.

[Dan Soder]

No, true story. No, true story.

[Mark Normand]

Give it a go, pimp.

[Dan Soder]

Look it up. Because that's like, every time you bring up that situation, I immediately think of Eddie Murphy dressing.

[Mark Normand]

I know. I thought the same thing.

[Dan Soder]

That's the best one where he goes with the newspaper and he goes, just keep it. Eddie Murphy's day as a white guy on SNL is one of the fun. Go top five. It's got to be on YouTube.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, easily. It's got millions of views.

[Dan Soder]

Fucking funny. No, no, no, keep it.

[Mark Normand]

Just take it, take it.

[Dan Soder]

I remember being a kid.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Very little. And it fucking made me laugh. So Google says the story you're recalling refers to journalist Nora Vincent, who lived as a man named Ned for 18 months.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that long.

[Dan Soder]

To explore male privilege, concluding in her book Self Made man that men's lives weren't easier and many men faced unique emotional burdens and later died by assistance in 2022.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, sorry.

[Dan Soder]

Though her. Though her death was due to major depression, not directly proven as a result of the experience, but the experience contributed to her mental health. So I don't think you're wrong. I don't think you're wrong. Well, there's a blurb. There's like a popular TikTok of a woman that went on a dating site as a man and she like, blogs about it and she's like, yo, this is fucking.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Dan Soder]

What women are asking versus, like, that's hilarious. But everyone that's. I think what the Internet kills off that we need to fight for is empathy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It's like, you don't. The reason. Because I get sick of hearing comments like comics go, I don't read comments. Sure. It's just like, yes, you do.

[Mark Normand]

You do.

[Dan Soder]

It's like the Epstein list.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You go, you know, if you're a very powerful person, you know, a very powerful person that's a pedophile.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

Don't act like you don't. Yeah, tell me you do. Then we start working forward.

[Mark Normand]

I know family members who are.

[Dan Soder]

There you go. You know, and they should be castrated on an island. Ah, Square. If you have a business, first off, good job. That is one of the hardest things that gives me anxiety, the thought of starting a business. Like, where the hell do you start? What the hell? How do you get people to take you seriously? I don't know. Well, I know if I'm starting a business, you're probably starting with Square, the system powering half the places you use and buy stuff from. If you've ever tapped your cell phone, your credit card to a cell phone with one of those squares, well, that's Square. And right now, listeners can get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign [e-mail]. go/soder. I'm telling you, the small business market changed with this thing, because now you can take payment. I remember opening for Bobby Kelly and selling T shirts, and he was like, yeah, there, like, 25 bucks, dude. And then this guy showed up, and he was like, I only have 20s, so I have a 20 and a 40 was at levity Live. And I was like, oh, I don't know, man. You can ask a bartender to go break it. And the guy looked at me like, I'm not buying a shirt. And then I told Bobby that, and he got so mad. If I would have had Square, I'd have been like, oh, let me run your credit card. And then I would have sold three shirts. And then Bobby would have let me have extra pizza where he kept me locked in that cage when I opened for him. If you're starting a business or running one, that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down. Like I said, right now, you can get up to 200 off Square hardware [e-mail]. go Soder. That's S Q U A R E dot com. Go Soder. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. Factor meals, baby. It's a new year, which means you're probably trying to get these Christmas titties off you. Like I am, because I went on just a eating spree, and now it's a new year, and I'm like, okay, I actually have to put vegetables in my body and Stu, you know, like, maybe no refined sugars. Maybe no artificial sweeteners. You know, none of the stuff that makes food. It's great. No, but with factor meals, I'm telling you, you can get good meals that taste great. Good for you. They got weekly menus, options, including, like, high protein if you're trying to bulk, get jacked. Calorie smart. Wait, don't say that. High protein's not for bulking. God, this guy doesn't even know the gym. What I mean is, you could do high protein, you could do calorie smart. My favorite Mediterranean. Because then it just makes me feel like I'm going to be a hot Greek dude, you know, I'm getting my John Stamos on GLP1 support and ready to eat salads. Plus they got the new muscle pro collection that supports strength and recovery. It's always fresh, never frozen, and it's ready in two minutes, so you don't have to worry about prepping and all that stuff. Head to factor meals.comsodor50 off and use the code soda50 off to get 50% off your first Factor box. Plus free breakfast for a year offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualify auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with factor.

[Mark Normand]

But, yeah, no, it's. It's true. I was on the app before I met my wife. I was a big Tinder and bumble guy.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And bumble is crazy because the woman goes at you. That's the whole spin. It's like the Sadie Hawkins dance.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And they are not to shit on all women and generalize, but they are terrible with pickup lines because they never had to do it. So be like, how's your Tuesday? Yeah, that's what you got. How's your Tuesday?

[Dan Soder]

I get out of here. I had a real lonely point in 2016, probably my loneliest. And match.com, which, if you don't know when you sign up for match.com, it's harder than applying for college.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, because you have to write, like, essays about yourself or, like, give and like what you want. And they like. That's why it costs money, because I think they actually try.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

It's not just a bumble algorithm that's just firing off.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I'm just getting like, women with blue.

[Dan Soder]

Hair, you know, it's like, oh, but I made the mistake of being like, I work in comedy. Blah, blah, blah, man. Women trying to. Oh, yeah, I bet I'm funnier than you.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that was a big one.

[Dan Soder]

You ain't. I'll tell you right now. I got hundreds of hours of podcasting that'll tell you.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That you ain't.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

What? That doesn't make me want to.

[Mark Normand]

You what?

[Dan Soder]

Like, oh, fun. Our first date, Katie was like, I'm funnier than you. I'd be like, you're out of your what? It's just a weird thing to say, even.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's hilarious.

[Dan Soder]

And I would be like, it would just turn me off on you being funny.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I think they're trying to bust balls and be neggy and all that. But it's just. It's weird. It's like a weird, combative thing to come at me with. Like, what if I was like, my tits are bigger.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Or you go, I'm. I'm a more emotional monster than you are. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

Why would you say that? But it. It's like people should have to go through the empathetic feeling of it sucks to go online and read something about yourself.

[Mark Normand]

That's great because everyone thinks, I want more followers. I want half a million. I want a million. But if you have it, you get on all day, dude.

[Dan Soder]

And. Or what you do is. It's not even you get on. It's just the random ass stray you catch when you're at the airport at 7 in the morning and then you get comments on a video and you go, I wonder who commented on this video?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And you look at the comments and they go, this guy sucks.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Himself. And you go, I really should.

[Mark Normand]

I know that does.

[Dan Soder]

I'm outside of a Hudson News going, I really should just end it.

[Mark Normand]

Well, it's surprising, you know, because side is up, by the way, in our society. And I wonder. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Not the employment rate or people making decent money.

[Mark Normand]

Right. We got one thing, but it's comments have got to be on the list. Why is no one talking about that?

[Dan Soder]

I think that's proven. I think.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

I think that's why Australia did that thing where they tried taking kids off social media.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that didn't stick.

[Dan Soder]

I don't know where they're at with it. I think they were the first country to try it.

[Mark Normand]

Good for them.

[Dan Soder]

But they were the first ones that did the gun laws. I mean, they. Recently. But that's. They've had like. I don't. I'm not even going to talk about this because these gun nuts jizz out their ass when you talk about it. But they did, like, John Oliver did a piece on the Daily show years ago about how their gun ban worked.

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Dan Soder]

For the most part, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It went 40 years or whatever.

[Dan Soder]

But is our. I haven't heard of a school in a while. Are we. Are we turning the corner on that.

[Mark Normand]

Or are we just, you know, they just did. Not even news anymore.

[Dan Soder]

Did they move on? Was it like a thing where it's like. That's not even cool anymore?

[Mark Normand]

Exactly, Exactly.

[Dan Soder]

It's not cool to spray up your.

[Mark Normand]

School, you know hip hop. I just saw the hip hop is not hit the top 10 charts for the first time in 30 years.

[Dan Soder]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

No hip hop song, which I think is a crazy shift. What is going on?

[Dan Soder]

Well, you know what it is? It's all that ass country. Country's huge because it's the easiest, especially for white dudes.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

You know, you're going in country, you don't have to deal with anyone else's culture. You're just going in and being like, I'm a white dude.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

And then you just white it up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Go. I'm from a rural part In a love beer I got a girl that's cute. And, man, I love my country. And these guys jizz for it.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. You could open for Gutfeld, dude.

[Dan Soder]

I might. I might start doing that. That's the pivot. See, on me on Gutfeld printing cash. Yeah, that was fun. About Red Eye was he used to have everybody on.

[Mark Normand]

I know. I did it. Sam did it. Schumer did it.

[Dan Soder]

Everybody used to do Red Eye.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It was, like, a fun thing to do where you'd go and around Tom Shalou. You talk. But he always had it balanced. It true. It really was. It would be like.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dan Soder]

Andy was, like, pretty libertarian, right? Schultz. Bill Schultz was, like, wild.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

He had Joe. He had, like, just a bunch of different people.

[Mark Normand]

It was. Yeah, it was great. That's where I met Dave Smith. I saw all kinds of people on there.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I met. I met one of, like, the Maxim magazine ladies that was, like, older, and I was like, the things I used to do to you. But watching McDaniel go through this is, like a head coach.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It's, like, been my buddy since seventh grade.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. That's crazy.

[Dan Soder]

And it's, like, awesome. He's an NFL coach.

[Mark Normand]

That's incredible.

[Dan Soder]

And he worked his way up to.

[Mark Normand]

A head coach, but he'll get a gig, right? Somewhere else.

[Dan Soder]

Absolutely. In fact, I think he's better off because I think. And listen to me right now, I think it's a shit organization. I think it's. I think it's ran by an old F that stabbed Mike in the back after he told him he was going to be all right for another season. And fuck the Dolphins and honestly, fuck Miami as a comedy town.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Dan Soder]

Have you ever had a good show in Miami?

[Mark Normand]

Well, I got to say I just did it because I went on vacation with the wife and the kid to Miami and I was jonesing. So I set up a private show after she fell asleep, and. And she.

[Dan Soder]

You're. You're creeping with a comedy show.

[Mark Normand]

That's my new. Stepping out. Like putting a jacket on.

[Dan Soder]

How you do it. She comes in. I knew it. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

In the middle of a bit of lipstick on the collar. I got notes on my head.

[Dan Soder]

I saw your set list, Mark. I knew where you were. I'm kidding about Miami. I know a bunch of great people from Miami.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, for sure. And a bunch of guys.

[Dan Soder]

God. And you go down there. The vacations are awesome.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

I've just never enjoyed doing Stand.

[Mark Normand]

Well, have you done the comedy in? No, it's in a daze in. And it's the best room. Big J told me about it. It's the best room in Miami.

[Dan Soder]

It's really.

[Mark Normand]

It beats all the other ones. So go down there. Do the days in. You look at the lineup?

[Dan Soder]

No, not for at least. McDaniel needs to get hired somewhere else. I need to get over this heat. My. The close. If you live in Florida, Orlando, February 13th, Tampa, February 14th.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's a great town. Tampa's the best comedy town.

[Dan Soder]

One of the best comedy towns in the South.

[Mark Normand]

What is that? It's something about the old people, the Jews, the Cubans that come together.

[Dan Soder]

It's wrestlers, it's sluts.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Monster trucks.

[Mark Normand]

Scientology.

[Dan Soder]

Scientology. It's just a bunch of crazy motherfuckers in the swamp.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And they're great.

[Mark Normand]

They don't give a shit.

[Dan Soder]

I love Tampa.

[Mark Normand]

I love it, too.

[Dan Soder]

I love going to Tampa. So there you go. If you live in Florida. October 13, Orlando. October 14, Tampa, Miami, TBD for a very long time.

[Mark Normand]

If you're ever down that, check out the end.

[Dan Soder]

But go to the comedy.

[Mark Normand]

It's tough.

[Dan Soder]

Check in the comedy in to see good comedy. Norman signing off on it, because comics talk about Miami more than any other city.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, New Orleans is tough, but. Yeah, Miami is number one.

[Dan Soder]

But you're from New Orleans and you admit it.

[Mark Normand]

It's bad. It's bad. But just. Comics are like fight clubs. We have these weird little rooms. Like, go here, take a right down the alley. You know, blow a guy and you're in. But the clubs in the mainstream doesn't Work there. You got to find these weird little back alley rooms.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. So maybe that's the way to go in Miami. You got to do these secrets, cheat on your wife shows.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dan Soder]

She's asleep, and he's putting a knife under her to make sure she's breathing. And then he's out. He's like, get to try a new one. Yeah, that's the new blow job. I tried a new one really sucked me to completion, but.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Dan Soder]

For those of you, you know, you're watching this on Tuesday, but we taped this. I. I just found out McDaniel got fired right before you came over, probably an hour and a half before. And I was hot.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Because they told him he was going to be all right.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

They were like, you're gonna get one more season. We're searching for a new gm. I think Troy Aikman got Mike fired. Yeah. Troy Aikman's helping him with the GM search. And here's what I'm gonna say. When you watch football, as a fan, you notice when broadcasters are slanted for or against you.

[Mark Normand]

Okay?

[Dan Soder]

Like, you watch Chris Collinsworth. He loves Patrick Mahomes. He's gonna bring up Patrick Mahomes any chance he gets because he just wants to slob his knob.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Just loves the dude. When having a friend that's an NFL coach, you notice. You listen more when people talk about your friend.

[Mark Normand]

Huh?

[Dan Soder]

And Troy aikman shits on McDaniel in a way that I'm like, he doesn't like Mike. And me and my friend Chad, who grew up with Mike were like, Chad was. The first one was like, I bet Aikman had something to do with it. And then I was just like, Troy Aikman looking like white Jay Z. Have you ever seen that?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Dan Soder]

Can you bring up a picture? They said, Troy Aikman looks like white.

[Mark Normand]

Jay Z. Oh, I can see it.

[Dan Soder]

So funny when you see the picture, but I. That's what I mean. That's at the stage of grief I'm in right now. Damn, I want to fight everybody.

[Mark Normand]

Well, wait a minute. You're our sweet friend. You're sticking up for your buddy. But what if you get trashed on Reddit? Is he coming at you? Is he coming at them going, hey, busy. Okay.

[Dan Soder]

If he. But now that he's. Now that he's unemployed, probably.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Dan Soder]

Probably.

[Mark Normand]

What do we got here? Oh, my God, that is dead on.

[Dan Soder]

That's so funny.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Dan Soder]

White Jay Z.

[Mark Normand]

How about that?

[Dan Soder]

White Jay Z helping get my friend fired. You.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy.

[Dan Soder]

I was. I was so mad. I was so mad, I. Jim Florentine is a huge Dolphins fan. So once McDaniel took over the Dolphins is that. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you're me, if you know me, you know, I talk about therapy and the benefits of therapy. I've been seeing this cool. These people that are trying to be cool now, and they go, like, I don't need therapy. Therapy doesn't work. Whenever someone says that, take a look at that person's personal life. Guarantee they need therapy. I guarantee they need. Everyone needs therapy. It's the human condition. Our brains are too powerful for our heads. That's why solid military confinement is considered torture, because if you don't talk to someone, you can go nuts. But BetterHelp can help you get put in touch with a therapist that can, you know, let a little air out of the brain so you don't feel nuts. You can't step into a lighter version of yourself without leaving behind what's been weighing you down. Therapy can help you clear space. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com Soder that's better. Help. H-E-L-P.com Soder let's get back to the show. Yeah, but it's like how you feel when you see your friends get trashed online.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. It stinks.

[Dan Soder]

Like, shut the. Like that. When Shane got fired from snl, I got so mad at everyone that was talking.

[Mark Normand]

That was crazy.

[Dan Soder]

People that I knew that sucked.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

That were talking.

[Mark Normand]

The piling on is wild. People go, oh, we can do this. It's a green light. Let's go. And you're like, you got to see the guy. Yeah, he has feelings. I don't get it. It's all about compassion and being nice. But then they're like, this guy.

[Dan Soder]

What's funny is Shane would tell me all the ones that would shit on him publicly and then privately be like, hey, sorry about that. I didn't really mean that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, there's a lot of that going on. There's a lot of those people the Internet brings out. The Internet is like the new booze, you know, where you're like, oh, you know, you go, that guy got drunk and, like, yelled at his wife. Like, that's the real him.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then you see Twitter At 4 in the morning, you're like, what the fuck is Jeff tweeting?

[Dan Soder]

That's.

[Mark Normand]

It shows the real you.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You see people out in the wild on something, and you're like, you'll, like, run into a Twitter account. You're like, I think I know who runs that. And that's crazy. That's how they are.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That's how. Because in person, they can. You can really hide, I think. Might have killed empathy, but it ruined bullshitting.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

People being like, hey, how are you?

[Mark Normand]

That's true. That's true.

[Dan Soder]

It's also that stamp of time.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

People talk shit. That's why I'm glad I've never been a hot takes guy, because I'm.

[Mark Normand]

Good point.

[Dan Soder]

I'm like, I'm. I'm wrong about most shit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I know. I'm so wrong about stuff that I just know I'm not gonna have a hot take.

[Mark Normand]

Right, Right. Same.

[Dan Soder]

It's gonna age poorly.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. And then someone goes, this you?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Five years later, like, no, dude, everybody needs to get this. You'd. Because by the way, the. This you has existed in arguing, especially in couples, since the beginning of time.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's true.

[Dan Soder]

Bringing up old, right? Yeah. Why are you bringing up old?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That one time you said you would never let me go to your mother's, and you're like, oh, okay. But I didn't mean that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's.

[Dan Soder]

That's the new this year.

[Mark Normand]

With a woman, though. With my wife, she's so good at arguing that I always want to be like, you said this. She's like, I never said that. I wish I had a tweet.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

It's so satisfying to show that proof.

[Dan Soder]

Just to bring it up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And you're like, I fucking got you.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Dan Soder]

Katie is very good at arguing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And when we argue, sometimes she'll just have me dead to rights. And then I do this new thing where I go over here, and she'll go, what are you just. What are you doing? You know, like, distracting you. And most of the time it'll break. It'll break the argument. Yeah, I've just fucking said that. Go up over here.

[Mark Normand]

Dangling a treat.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Like, you try. Like, I'm a rodeo clown.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Right at me. And they get up on the wall, Right.

[Mark Normand]

He's like, whoa.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Because arguing. And the Internet is built for you to argue.

[Mark Normand]

It really is.

[Dan Soder]

It wants you to engage. That's why engagement culture, that's like, comment below. I love doing stand up. I love the chance to just be funny for a living.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I don't want to engage.

[Mark Normand]

No, no. God, no.

[Dan Soder]

My engaging is going to cities and doing shows. That's my engagement.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. And this online, I Read all of it. Don't get me wrong. With Lemaire and all that, I'm like.

[Dan Soder]

I didn't see it. That's what's nice. That's what I mean about being on Reddit and getting off the comedy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I didn't even see it until we.

[Mark Normand]

Good.

[Dan Soder]

We did the regs, and I think the episode comes out tomorrow.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But they brought it up, and I was like, I didn't even know. And I love Lamar.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, me too.

[Dan Soder]

I would have known. I probably would have intervened had I.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, don't intervene now. You're in a threat that somebody goes, you know what? I hate Dan.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Oh, buddy, go.

[Mark Normand]

That Dolphins guy should have been fired. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

When it gets brought up out of nowhere, when someone's like, yeah, that guy, you go, what did I do?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But watching, you know, because they were spectating that McDaniel was going to get fired at the beginning of the season because they started really bad, Right. And then he pulled it together. He had a quarterback that was falling off. Tua stinks. But, people, I'm. Listen, I think McDaniel got fired because he tied himself to Tua and they lost.

[Mark Normand]

But Hawk. Tua.

[Dan Soder]

Hawk. Tua. Dude get brain damage on that thing. But I think that's a sign of my friend being loyal. So, like, as a friend. As a friend, I go, yeah, he stuck with him. And I hope the next team he goes to, the quarterback goes, well, this guy's stuck with him, so I believe in him.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So I'll play for. I just hope McDaniel goes and wins 10 Lombardi trophies and then shoves them up the owner of the Dolphins one at a time, just like he's packing the back of a suv.

[Mark Normand]

Hell, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Just shoving Lombardi trophies. And I hope the Dolphins never win another game. Your old logo's better. Your new logo looks like a penis jumping through a new ring. Hey, your fans don't know ball. A couple of them at the stadium, it's. It was like crazy watching them not know when to cheer on third down.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus Christ.

[Dan Soder]

That whole organization.

[Mark Normand]

But that was about the end of it.

[Dan Soder]

That was it. And you know what? Marino lost his only Super bowl of 49ers, and he should have. He wasn't as good as Joe Montana.

[Mark Normand]

Gee, this is like a Reddit thread. This is.

[Dan Soder]

Fuck. Hey, Dolphins fans. Here's my Reddit thread. It's just me commenting on you. Fuck you. Your Reddit thread is fucking shit. All it is is like, well, if we can get Joe Burrow and then we can get this guy and then we can do this. And John Harbaugh, I hope you never win a Super Bowl. Suck my dick. Fuck you, team McDaniel. Your owner stabbed him in the back. But there are Dolphins fans that I love. No, there are Dolphins f that genuinely were, like, sad that he's fired or whatever.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Dan Soder]

But the rest of you Euro trash losers, they want to just dance to techno. Go yourself. I hope a shark eats you. I hope. I hope shark attacks go up in Miami. Now.

[Mark Normand]

Peter hears this gonna be like, this guy can never come to SeaWorld. This is crazy. What an.

[Dan Soder]

That's gonna be a text where I send to Mike and I go edit the out about this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Let it ride. This is engagement to talk about controversy.

[Dan Soder]

Are you gonn kid off social media?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, they can say, are you gonna keep your kid?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Late term abortion. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, for sure. No phone, no nothing. I'm gonna go try to ride into the sunset to like, 16, 17.

[Dan Soder]

Are you gonna be one of those parents that, like, not in my house. You're not gonna have social media in my house.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, definitely.

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Mark Normand]

I don't want it anywhere, to be honest. But it's gonna happen. Like, my brother has two kids. He's like, when they get on the bus, it's over. The bus is like Reddit. They learn curse words.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Sex, shit, porno. It's all over on the bus.

[Dan Soder]

Smoking cigarettes.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Fingering, whatever it is. So I'm going to try and the kid is already. He's 11 months and he's already got a better attention span. Like, he'll just play with a toy. Like, I'll hold it and look at it. And I'm like staring at him going, boy, I want to look at my phone.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I'm like, this kid's better than me.

[Dan Soder]

Does he. Do you guys do a lot of screen time with him?

[Mark Normand]

Nothing.

[Dan Soder]

Nothing.

[Mark Normand]

I don't even put the TV on in front of him.

[Dan Soder]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Just because I'll let him watch TV and movies eventually. But right now he's exploring, he's learning, he's playing with things. He's got a drum kit.

[Dan Soder]

I love that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's fun. He's got blocks and he just does blocks. Which is. At first I was like, am I being abusive? And then I'm like, no, this is normal.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

This is how we live for thousands of years.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Because now you go to the airport and if you're at a restaurant in the airport, you see a kid with headphones on. Yeah, A phone and a screen in front of them.

[Mark Normand]

Totally.

[Dan Soder]

Like, they're Wall street brokers.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Like little kids now have screens. Like they're fucking trading.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. They're doing crypto.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. They're like, this is nuts. I love that you're doing that.

[Mark Normand]

I'm trying. I'm trying because it you up. It us up. I think I'm. Remember how joyous life was. We just walk around and look at things.

[Dan Soder]

I remembered the, like, the pure feeling of anxiety I felt when social media came out of being like, so what do I got to do? I gotta post something. I gotta post and I gotta stay active on it. And it was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was weird. It felt a little like when I started, like, drinking right where I was. Like, I drank because other people were drinking.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And it's a little social lube. That's why. It's the same with the phone. It's something to go to when you're uncomfortable.

[Dan Soder]

Remember, like, you never smoked cigarettes. No smoking. That was always the way out. You could just go, I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette. And you could leave. But the phone's the new out.

[Mark Normand]

It's the new out. You're in the elevator. Like, this is awkward, dude.

[Dan Soder]

All on my elevator, if I'm walking the dog, I won't even look at my phone. And it's feels weird. Yeah. People are on their phone. I'm like, am I the creep or my joke book when I'm writing stuff on the train.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I'll be writing something on the train in my joke book. And I'll be like, I think people think I'm a psych.

[Mark Normand]

It's like a manifesto. Yeah. It looks weird.

[Dan Soder]

And then you're like. And it feels more comfortable to go in the notes app. Of course, write stuff down. Because people don't know what the I'm doing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

List used to do this thing when we lived in Astoria when we'd be coming back from something in the city, and you go from 59th and Lex up to Queensborough Plaza. You come outside. Phones back in the day didn't work under the.

[Mark Normand]

That's right.

[Dan Soder]

You would go underground and your phone would work. So I remember one time coming back from like, you know what, dude? And we're coming up out of the train. Enlist. You know that shit he does where he's like, two tickets, please. You know, we're coming out. And he goes, phone time. Like that. Jokingly.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And I watched as everybody went, yeah, he's right. Like, oh, fuck.

[Mark Normand]

The two things I heard were, don't use it in a transitional period. Like if you're walking from here to the train. No phone.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You can look at it on the train, but not from there to there. That's a good way to start. And then, no, no phone, really. Which is so hard. You're scared of your knees. You're thinking, it's horrible. I'm reading Ajax. It's brutal. You. But the thoughts that pop up are fascinating. You're like, oh, third grade. Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I bet it's better for joke writing.

[Mark Normand]

Way better. Your brain can go to that area. Cuz it. Your. Your brain's like hovering right here with the phone. And then when you let go of the phone, it has to go other places. And now you're off in different quadrants.

[Dan Soder]

No phone. Poop.

[Mark Normand]

Try it. Text me. I'm gonna get done.

[Dan Soder]

And when I'm done. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And send me a photo of it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I'll show you how healthy it is. Yeah, but it does. That does feel like we got to bring boredom back.

[Mark Normand]

Boredom's big.

[Dan Soder]

Giannis used to have a great bit about that.

[Mark Normand]

Oh yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You need boredom.

[Mark Normand]

You need it.

[Dan Soder]

We gotta bring it back. You got to just sit there. Over Christmas, the break, the holiday break, we do a road trip, but I drive a lot.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You know, we split.

[Mark Normand]

The driving is big. You go real meditative, but you don't even.

[Dan Soder]

You're not. I didn't look at my phone. You know when your phone tells you how what you average screen time?

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

I averaged like an hour of screen time, but it was because we were driving.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

So the only time I look at my phone is when we get to the hotel. I like look at my phone, but then we're eating or like watching something else and I felt better.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

When I got back home that I started like, wake up, look at my phone.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's. That's what happens because a couple years.

[Dan Soder]

Ago, I started putting my phone in a different room at night. That's big too, because in. On the road, I would wake up and look at my phone at like three in the morning.

[Mark Normand]

And Reddit is kind of like the final boss of the phone because it's mean, it gets your blood pumping, it's hot, there's tits, it's everything.

[Dan Soder]

I will say. I know I've been like joking around about reading about your, like yourself and your friends on Reddit. It. But if you like something, Reddit's great.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. Like, that's true.

[Dan Soder]

That's why you have to remove yourself from the comedy.

[Mark Normand]

That's a good point.

[Dan Soder]

Because you go, I work there. I don't want to talk about it. Like a 49. As a 49ers fan, as a Nuggets fan, I. I love reading the Reddit. You read, like, stories pop in video games, movies.

[Mark Normand]

Right, Right.

[Dan Soder]

A lot of the times that's where I'll find out about movie trailers is on Reddit, where there'll be like, that new Russell Crowe, Robin Hood. And I'll be like, I want to watch that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Or the Christopher Nolan.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, Odyssey.

[Dan Soder]

The Odyssey.

[Mark Normand]

That looks awesome.

[Dan Soder]

And you're like, oh, yeah. And I. And I get, like, pumped.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

I don't have the feeling of like.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, that's good.

[Dan Soder]

Because I got completely. We. I post on x.com but I don't.

[Mark Normand]

Ever go on it, post and ghost post and get out of there.

[Dan Soder]

That was. This is the second football season that I stopped reading Twitter, and it has been way better.

[Mark Normand]

Really.

[Dan Soder]

Did I used to get so mad? Because I love.

[Mark Normand]

Let's do the 60 Second Savings Challenge. Step one, download Rocket Money. Step two, link your accounts and see every subscription you're paying for. Tap one you don't use and cancel it. That's money back every month. Step three, create a financial goal. $50 every paycheck. Or let the app automatically move small amounts of cash when you can afford it. In a week, you'll for you set it up. In a month, you'll see real dollars piling up. In a year, you'll be shocked at how much money you've saved. Bonus challenge. Upload an Internet or phone bill and let Rocket Money try to lower it. You only pay if they find you savings. On average, Rocket Money members can save up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features. Users love the app with over 186,000 five star ratings. Make saving money the resolution you actually keep. Start the 60 second savings [e-mail] cancel. That's rocketmoney.com cancel. Rocketmoney.com cancel.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, first off, I love the 49ers, but I love my friend Mike and I want him to win. And I would go on Twitter on my phone and they'd be like, this guy. And then now I'm looking at some guy's Twitter profile, trying to find his IP address because I want to split his head with a fucking Easton bat.

[Mark Normand]

Damn, you get that angry? I mean, everybody's called a coke coat Said you to a coach.

[Dan Soder]

That's my dog, though, dude. Yeah. Also, Mike is like, it's. It. It truly is different when you know the guy.

[Mark Normand]

Have you talked to him? What does he think? Is he just like, ah, what are you gonna.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, I mean, he's.

[Mark Normand]

Did coaches read it?

[Dan Soder]

What's that?

[Mark Normand]

Do coaches read this? No, they shouldn't.

[Dan Soder]

No, he's not. He's nowhere near his phone. Good football season, I text him, knowing he's not gonna get back to me. Of course, it's only now. It's literally. What's funny is this week, you know, because again, it just happened. Today I found out he got fired because he was told he was going to be given another season.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I was doing. I was on the. I was on the toilet writing a real nice text to him. I had a long text about, like, hey, this season started like, you pulled it around.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I think you're a great coach. You're gonna do. Bye. Bye. I was just giving, like, a friend. A friend build up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then someone called me, and I, you know, got off, like, hey, let me call you back. I got up off the toilet, called him back when I got out of the bathroom, and then forgot to write the text.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then today he got fired, and I went to text him, and I saw this long thing that I didn't send, and I was like, oh, God.

[Mark Normand]

You saw that?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. And it was like, oh. Oh, my bad.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So then I had to send him one that's like, dude, this. But I'm. I probably. He's. He's probably getting, like, 6,000 texts today.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, completely. Yeah. Yeah. But imagine a football coach with. With like, that obsessed with his phone, where he's watching it during the game. You know, somebody's like, what do we do now? He's like, I missed it. We asked Twitter.

[Dan Soder]

Oh. Like, when you get called out by your wife for not listening.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Because you're looking at your phone, you go, what did you say? And you go, what?

[Mark Normand]

Good point. Yeah, that's true.

[Dan Soder]

I. I think that would drive you crazy. I. I think it's. I don't know, man. I think we're gonna reach the age by, like, when you're. When your kid is hopefully 20.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That, like, social media is just completely gone. Or.

[Mark Normand]

Or has, like, a governor on it, at least.

[Dan Soder]

Need it, dude.

[Mark Normand]

You need it. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Because it's also just not good.

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Dan Soder]

If you remove social media from the Internet, the Internet's great, right?

[Mark Normand]

Well, you know. You know, they say, like, two Parent, household. It changes everything or privilege or whatever. I think a kid without a phone versus a kid who's doing the iPad headphone at the airport all day. They're gonna have different lives and different upbringings and different careers.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Because I think the kid. That's rooted in reality.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

And sees stuff.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Well, probably just hopefully be a more logical thinker.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

Where those kids are just like. Because it's dopamine.

[Mark Normand]

It's dopamine. They're gacked out.

[Dan Soder]

You're just. Absolutely. Just putting your kid on a huge thing of blow.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But I can't talk because I don't have kids. But you have a kid.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So you see. Do you feel the lure of screen time?

[Mark Normand]

I do. But of course, because they're so annoying. So you just want to, like, give them a pacifier. But also, I feel bad because I'm on my phone.

[Dan Soder]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

And then I'm telling him not to do it. So it's this weird thing.

[Dan Soder]

Smoking.

[Mark Normand]

It's smoking.

[Dan Soder]

People have done the bit. Ronnie Chang did it.

[Mark Normand]

Great bit.

[Dan Soder]

Trying to think who else did it. Social media will be the.

[Mark Normand]

You watched Twitter when you were pregnant.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That was the big punchline. That's great. So good. But yeah, it's. It's awkward because I'm like, oh, look at those. Look at Sydney Sweeney. And I'm like, hey, don't look at that tv.

[Dan Soder]

But I also think even for grown people, even, like, people that are older, that grew up without the Internet and then got the Internet, that want to act like it doesn't affect us.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It's crazy to open your phone and see a guy get. Or like. Like a lady gets shot in the face.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Like that lady in Minnesota got shot.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy.

[Dan Soder]

Couldn't open your phone without seeing it.

[Mark Normand]

I know. Same with Kirk.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He got shot. Oh, my God.

[Dan Soder]

Whoa. When they first popped up. Yeah. Because you're just scrolling and you go. And you know, he would do those debates.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Oh, my God. It's like the Red Wedding from Game of Thrones. Randomly, all day.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

We're just open it. Or sometimes it'll be like, this guy around and found out him just getting hit by a car.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Dan Soder]

Do you remember banned from tv.

[Mark Normand]

Of course. I love those.

[Dan Soder]

Those were crazy.

[Mark Normand]

I got hit by a train. This guy.

[Dan Soder]

Yes. What's his name?

[Mark Normand]

What's his name?

[Dan Soder]

I always forget it. Himself in the face.

[Mark Normand]

His name.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He was a politician.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Filters. Nice shot. Is about him.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

What's his name? I can't.

[Mark Normand]

But it's funny because we had to get a videotape to see three, four, five random things. That's just the morning. That's breakfast.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And seeing that.

[Dan Soder]

No, not Joe Francis. It was Mad Bud dwi.

[Mark Normand]

Dwi.

[Dan Soder]

Dwi.

[Mark Normand]

Bud dwi.

[Dan Soder]

But yeah, like Bud Dwire was on that. They also banned from tv, had a. A news clip from Brazil where they were release missing hostages. This is one of the ones I remember. And one of the terrorists dressed up like a hostage, but the Brazilian police knew who it was. And they're all coming out of this building with their hands up. And as the guy comes out, one of the cops just point blank rage with a shotgun to the chest. And that was on the video.

[Mark Normand]

Pull it up. I haven't seen that. Yeah, sure.

[Dan Soder]

From TV Volume one.

[Mark Normand]

I haven't had my coffee.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but that's. But you're right. You just wake up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You wake up and you're just seeing Bud Dwyer. Every day.

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Dan Soder]

Every day. And we used to. I remember we went to my friend Adam's basement. We had to make sure his parents weren't home.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And we put it on and it.

[Mark Normand]

Was like, oh, it was crazy.

[Dan Soder]

What are we gonna see?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Faces of Death was the same way.

[Mark Normand]

That was a big.

[Dan Soder]

I've talked about this before, but it's crazy when you think that the Internet is just that in your pocket.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Faces.

[Dan Soder]

All the time you're waking up, I'm trying to find out who's injured for the 49ers against the Eagles. I don't know how the outcome is. Go Niners. I hope we did all right. But you wake up and you go, oh, execution in Iran.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that.

[Dan Soder]

The world's talking.

[Mark Normand]

How about the knife cutting with the guy's head off? And it was like a dull blade.

[Dan Soder]

That was the first one. That was the first one that was on Twitter. And yeah, they were like. Or on YouTube where they were like, dude, check out this link. And you're like, I don't want to watch an ISIS beheading.

[Mark Normand]

I know, I know.

[Dan Soder]

Because it's crazy that.

[Mark Normand]

But there's gonna be kids who saw that, and then there's gonna be kids who see that every day and then kids who never saw that.

[Dan Soder]

That.

[Mark Normand]

And they're both going to grow up in different paths.

[Dan Soder]

I think you're right about the two parent household that it does feel like. Because I, as someone that grew up with a single mom, I see where the lack of dad is.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Dan Soder]

See where the lack of, like, confidence or like, just like a reassurance.

[Mark Normand]

But you're pretty well adjusted because I've.

[Dan Soder]

Been in therapy for 15 years.

[Mark Normand]

Still going.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Oh, I'm lifetime man.

[Mark Normand]

I. I can't. I pulled out.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, you did.

[Mark Normand]

Well, Alan raised the prices on me. That.

[Dan Soder]

That did. He did. But to me, it was like, what? I had to negotiate because.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, did you?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, because I'm like, dude, this is too.

[Mark Normand]

It was like a 30, 40 jump. But I'm like. He's like, I saw your Netflix. Don't try to get that one by me. And I'm like, it was 200k.

[Dan Soder]

It's a licensing fee. You don't even know what they do.

[Mark Normand]

Half of that goes into editing.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So there's all.

[Dan Soder]

That's all lights. That's all lights in the venue, baby.

[Mark Normand]

So I had to fight with him. And he was like, you're really pushing back on this. And I was like, you taught me this.

[Dan Soder]

This.

[Mark Normand]

I'm asserting.

[Dan Soder]

This is what you taught me. That is great. Yeah. That is awesome.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. He himself.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Sorry, sensei. Yeah. You shouldn't have taught me how to fight.

[Mark Normand]

I'm the master now.

[Dan Soder]

Got the upper hand because I really, like. He was like, I raising. And I was like, that's too much. And then I was like, what, what do we. What do we. Yeah, what do we do? And we found something. I was like, all right, but finding a therapist, that works. But you're right, like having a two parent household in that balance versus having phone or no phone.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I think it's gonna make a big diff because two parent household. We don't talk about that. That is a. We talk about privilege everywhere. That's a privilege.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That is a luck of the draw.

[Dan Soder]

Can I argue, though? As someone that grew up in a single parent household, I see people with married parents that shouldn't be married.

[Mark Normand]

There's a lot of that.

[Dan Soder]

And I think the damage is greater.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting.

[Dan Soder]

They don't learn how to speak up for themselves because they watch. I think they. I think a lot of people are in shitty relationships.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Because they watch their parents be in shitty relationships. And something I've always really valued.

[Mark Normand]

I'm just kidding.

[Dan Soder]

Everything I've always really valued was my mom was like, she. You know, she's been married three times.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Once when she was really young. Just like straight out of college, I don't think. But watching my mom know when something wasn't working was very valuable to me.

[Mark Normand]

That's big. That's fast.

[Dan Soder]

Because it Was going like. Like, I don't need to be around this. I'm not getting anything. And I. Dude, I know people whose parents. I mean, I'm talking about, like years ago, I knew people whose parents were sleeping in other bedrooms. And not because they. Not because one snored or one. Not for reasons.

[Mark Normand]

They just couldn't stand each other.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but they then. But they just didn't want to be divorced.

[Mark Normand]

Right, Right. Well, divorce is very healthy. I think if you get a divorce, it's usually for the best.

[Dan Soder]

It's that Louis bit.

[Mark Normand]

It's the Louis bit.

[Dan Soder]

He says you should get married just to get divorced. It's like the Feeling of Rock had a great bit that he cut from his last special about divorce that I'm really mad about.

[Mark Normand]

Can we hear it?

[Dan Soder]

It was. I. I don't. It's not recorded anywhere. But the premise was like, it's crazy to have an arch nemesis because when you get divorced, you then have an arch. It was such a good angle.

[Mark Normand]

That is great.

[Dan Soder]

He has these bits that he does that he throws away.

[Mark Normand]

It makes me.

[Dan Soder]

His old one that he didn't do on Shoot the Messenger was AIDS ain't. And he like. He like, really? Chris rocked it.

[Mark Normand]

That's a funny T shirt.

[Dan Soder]

AIDS ain't. You do the hand. AIDS ain't. I saw him do it at the seller and it was like one of my favorite jokes I've seen live. He was like, the AIDS made magic. AIDS made Magic Johnson retire with two good knees. He's like, tom Brady could have aids. They would expect him to play in the second half.

[Mark Normand]

Right. And he's like.

[Dan Soder]

And they wouldn't. The announcers wouldn't even take it easy on him.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Dan Soder]

They go, I know he's got aids, but he's got to pick up that weak side. Blitz dang. It was such a good bit. And he's one of the greatest standup comedians of all time.

[Mark Normand]

He's my number one, probably. But really. Well, he's the best with angles. He went with best premises.

[Dan Soder]

Easily.

[Mark Normand]

Easily.

[Dan Soder]

Chappelle's my number one because of the hours he's put out his full. Like, kill him softly. For what it's worth. How important those hours were. That was like Zeppelin to me.

[Mark Normand]

I know. That was huge. But I still could do the. The Sesame street bit in my sleep. Deep.

[Dan Soder]

Verbatim.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And.

[Dan Soder]

But Rock, you know, like, I'll only ask him comedy questions because I have more like immense respect for him as a stand up comic.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

One of the greatest. And I asked him, I go, whatever happened to the AIDS joke? He was just down.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And he goes, I put it on the shelf. It works. And I go, well, yeah. But he didn't put in anything. And then he didn't want to answer me because I'm not famous.

[Mark Normand]

That is crazy. Let me just say his angle that I loved. I saw him at the Cellar years and years ago and he was doing the notepad thing where he's just trying with no energy, no delivery. The whole Chris Rock like AIDS ain't it was just talking.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And he goes, hillary Clinton's running for president. Weird. Why would you want to work at a place you got cheated on?

[Dan Soder]

Crazy.

[Mark Normand]

And you're like, oh, great. How do we all miss that? That's so brilliant. That's such a simple great angle. And we all missed it.

[Dan Soder]

And he is. I mean, just like, that's the best part of working in a major city with a historic comedy club. Club is you see the guys go up and do stuff.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Where like I've. I've been on the big. Everybody misremembers. Dane Cook. Everyone tries to on him like he was just some boy band.

[Mark Normand]

And you go, no, he was a beast.

[Dan Soder]

Hammer. And Drew Dunn opens for him.

[Mark Normand]

Drew Dunn's a killer.

[Dan Soder]

I love Drew Dunn. And we were. We had the same flight. He had a layover at. We were. Me, Murphy and. And Sagala were flying to Detroit and he flew to Detroit for a layover. And he's like, I'm opening for Dane. And I was like, I think Dane is so funny.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And no one talks about it because I saw him at the Patrice benefit, the first one.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Dan Soder]

That was the last show I bought a ticket for.

[Mark Normand]

What year?

[Dan Soder]

2013.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow. That's pretty recent for a. For a stand up to buy a ticket.

[Dan Soder]

2012, maybe. I think that's. I mean, he died in. In 2011.

[Mark Normand]

Dane died?

[Dan Soder]

No, but I remember going. And Dane was on the show. And I was like. It was like, Bobby Big J, Norton Voss.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And Quinn. All like the tough crowd. Guys. New York guys and Dane Cook. And I was like. And I really was like in the audience, like, all right.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Guys probably lost his fastball. That got me three times, really harder than most people on the show. Damn. Like, he got me to the point where I was like, this. This. This guy is funny.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Well, you forget these guys blow up for a reason. Yeah. That kiss of death in this business is being cool to hate.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's one thing to hate a guy but if it's cool to hate a guy, you're.

[Dan Soder]

Because then people revel in it.

[Mark Normand]

They revel in it and they go, I gotta hate him because I don't want to be not cool.

[Dan Soder]

Because what I tell Shane. I talked to Shane yesterday. I think it's hacked to on Austin now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It's just like, hack. What are you doing? You don't live there. You don't care. I don't give a. About Austin. I like it.

[Mark Normand]

I like going too.

[Dan Soder]

I like going there. I like. I like seeing my friends that live there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they have good comments. It's still. It's not New York. We'll just put that in cement and let it dry. It's not New York. We're better than Austin. But I like Austin.

[Dan Soder]

But I mean, even that. I don't care. Even.

[Mark Normand]

I don't care either because it's such a. It's like a midget fighting, you know? You're like, shut up. What are you doing? I could kick you.

[Dan Soder]

But. But what I'm saying is, like, I don't even. Like we're even hating on Austin when.

[Mark Normand]

I'm not hating. I'm just stating a fact.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, well. Well, this is where we get territorial. It was always LA versus New York.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. Then the fires took care of that.

[Dan Soder]

Chicago. Yeah, yeah. Like Chicago. Because we never go like Chicago, Philly, Boston. It's always like. I don't know why, and I think it is. Is because we know. Because you and I both came up in New York.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

We both know they're better at marketing and they're better at performing than we are.

[Mark Normand]

Who?

[Dan Soder]

LA comics.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, sure, sure.

[Dan Soder]

The marketing comics too.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

They perform better than us.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

Like, you go to the Comedy Store and you watch LA comics. They take the whole stage burning calories. They're moving, but some of them bring you into it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, sure.

[Dan Soder]

This is great. And you come to New York and we just stand there and go like.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, they're fighting for a sitcom. We're fighting for David Tell's approval. You know, it's a very different world.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. A guy who looks like he runs a mercenary squ.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dan Soder]

His gloves. He's dressed like Hannibal from a team with his gloves on and a cigarette.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

He's our. Love it when the new joke comes together. But it is. It's. I. I feel like if we. I feel like if we. Yeah, that was a good one. Next time, get into the mic.

[Mark Normand]

I tried. I didn't know if I could get it low enough, but you gotta get the next up.

[Dan Soder]

I can't smell, so that's just pure comedy.

[Mark Normand]

Beautiful. And this couch is very absorbent. Living here for years. This is like an ecto chamber.

[Dan Soder]

All when Katie's making me mad and she's standing there. I'll hit it. No, Norman's old ass juice will come and braze her face. Yeah. I think, like, if we woke up with the Internet gone tomorrow.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It'd be very. It would be very interesting.

[Mark Normand]

That's a movie.

[Dan Soder]

You just like, no Internet. And you wake up and you're like, how do I get food?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. How do I get the directions?

[Dan Soder]

And email directions is the biggest one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. People are gonna be open almanacs and that. That. What was that? That map book?

[Dan Soder]

MapQuest or MapQuest is a website.

[Mark Normand]

That was a website.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, Rand McNally.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Dan Soder]

They lost all their money.

[Mark Normand]

I know. They're Kodak.

[Dan Soder]

They really are. They really are Kodak. I didn't think they were like, are you kidding me? Everyone's gonna need a map. Where our maps going?

[Mark Normand]

Nowhere.

[Dan Soder]

It's money.

[Mark Normand]

You're worried about McDaniel? McNally, he's in an alley right now.

[Dan Soder]

Suicide watch on that guy. Hope that guy doesn't go on Reddit. Like, this map. Map ass. When's the last time you used a map? Do you remember?

[Mark Normand]

I mean, I'll maybe use the one. You know, you go to a crazy hotel where they're like, here's the layout of the hotel. That's about it. You're like, no, there's the. The pool.

[Dan Soder]

I think that's the last time I used the map, too. Yeah, it really is where you go, okay, so there's a Chili's.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yes.

[Dan Soder]

I go out the hotel and take a right. The Chili's is right. That's really the only map.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe Candyland, you know?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. It always. Or just. Just because, like, I visited my grandma one time, and this is 2008, and I had to write down. I didn't have a smartphone, so I had to write down in a me notebook.

[Mark Normand]

Directions.

[Dan Soder]

Directions.

[Mark Normand]

Turn left at the chill.

[Dan Soder]

Drive 98 miles up to exit. So and so get off. Go this for this many miles. So then you're, like, looking at your counter and you're like, all right, I'm maxed up at 40 more miles. You're doing max math.

[Mark Normand]

I know. It's fun to use your brain again because we've lost all that. That's all gone.

[Dan Soder]

Phone numbers.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, they're gone. I had A million up here.

[Dan Soder]

I had.

[Mark Normand]

That was rain, Man.

[Dan Soder]

It was crazy. I remember. I used to remember friends old phone number.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes, exactly.

[Dan Soder]

I do remember to this day, though, like, five cell phone numbers from back. Hey, I think my friend still has it. Call it 720-220-8. Is it 220 or is it 88800?

[Mark Normand]

That's how they get you, dude.

[Dan Soder]

My friend will call me and be like, I still have that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, my friend did that prank on me. They put my number on Craigslist when I moved to New York. All my jerk off New Orleans friends, and they're like, you're leaving us you? And they said, he's selling his phone for $2. His iPhone. Here's his number. I got calls for months that is.

[Dan Soder]

Like, Lewis does that to us every.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I've had people text me, like, my old number, and they'd be like, hey, Louis released this on Skanks. And you're like.

[Mark Normand]

Like, oh, what a.

[Dan Soder]

And then I get mad at Lewis, but Lewis has, like, this, like, way of rationalizing it. That made sense to me. He's like, it's just like your DMS just don't look at it.

[Mark Normand]

You go, oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

In the moment, it made sense. And I walk away and I go, why did I believe this? No, it's not. It's my personal number. You.

[Mark Normand]

Puerto Rican logic.

[Dan Soder]

But a blade is a gun that you walk to the final destination.

[Mark Normand]

But back to the map stuff. Remember the OC you had no dad.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So I had scary dad. My dad was like, the dad. When he pulled in, you're like, dad's old.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, my God. I would go like this. I'd be on the porch, like, hit me. I want to feel something.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Strike me right in my chin, dude.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my dad was crazy. But he would do the, like, road trip, and then he'd pull over, scratch his head, lay the map on the hood and be like, all right, all right.

[Dan Soder]

The old.

[Mark Normand]

The old school way, you know, he's holding us like a warm beer, looking at the map. And then a guy would pull over and be like, you need a hand? And he's like, all you got to do is go two rights. And it was. It was a fun time. It was like communal.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Everybody was in the world together. And I recently had a car breakdown on the Jersey turnpike.

[Dan Soder]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

And two guys stopped to help me. Really crazy. One guy was like, it's your. It's your flipper rod. That's your problem. And I was like, oh, What's a flipper rod? And he's like, just tell him that I gotta go. And I was like, okay. Then another guy pulled over and goes, I have a trailer. I can bring your car to my house, and then you can figure it out from there. And I was like, oh, my God. So I went to his house with him. Random guy ate dinner with his family because I was there. And his mom's like, come on in. It was, like, way out in Jersey. So they were just nice, regular people. Had dinner with his family. I'm talking to him. I'm talking to him.

[Dan Soder]

Him.

[Mark Normand]

He's like, we'll leave the car here. You got a mechanic. Tell him, here's my address. Come pick it up here. And I was like, okay. And I took an Uber back to the city, and I got a mechanic to go to his house. Then here's the crazy part. Right when I was leaving, I was getting the Uber, the guy went comedy.

[Dan Soder]

No way.

[Mark Normand]

The whole time.

[Dan Soder]

That's great. So that's great, because that guy I know is just like, that's Mark Norman.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. The whole time with his mom.

[Dan Soder]

That's crazy. And then he's like, gavin.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So fun.

[Mark Normand]

Got me right at the end.

[Dan Soder]

Also, that's what we need more of. It's like, just people.

[Mark Normand]

Be like people being people.

[Dan Soder]

It's so easy to just go online and be like, yo, everybody.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

And I feel bad for people that don't have people in their real life.

[Mark Normand]

Totally. And I'll tell you, it opened up something in my head, because I would never be the guy to stop. You drive by, you see a guy pulled over or broken down, you're like, oh, that sucks.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And these guys are the people that stop. And he saved my whole day.

[Dan Soder]

More of them, less of us.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

We need more of those guys that are pulling over and being like, what's your trouble?

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, dude. I don't know. Also, what I don't like about the Internet is, like, even now with this conversation, like, when I get riled up about stuff and then you calm down, you go, well, I feel different now. I go through that emotion to feel different.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

The Internet's permanent. And it's very first reaction.

[Mark Normand]

I know, I know. Everybody flies off the handle and they start typing.

[Dan Soder]

But then that's how the. This is. This. You happens. Because you go, exactly. Oh. I was reacting in the moment, and I said this. I didn't have all the information. I didn't know what the Was happening.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So I like, you can get this used so easy. Because, dude, if I found out, if I talked to McDaniel and he was like, it's best for everybody.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That I leave and take the job. I'm not even that. I don't know. I haven't talked to him yet. But I'm just saying, if that were the case, then I'm like, Troy Amman was a good quarterback.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Dan Soder]

And the Dolphins franchise. I like your colors.

[Mark Normand]

Well, you need, like, a breathalyzer for anger, for the phone. Like some kind of the way they start. Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

People get too many DUIs.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. Your blood pressure's too high, your heart's pumping. You can't use the phone.

[Dan Soder]

They go, your adrenaline's spiking, you can't post.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, exactly.

[Dan Soder]

We're too horny.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's good. You see how much blood's in your dick?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I won't open.

[Dan Soder]

You gotta prick your thumb on the phone. And they go, you're too horny or you're too angry.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

Either way, you gotta calm down before you can post.

[Mark Normand]

Too horny. Too Angry. That's my memoir.

[Dan Soder]

Too Horny, Too Angry series. Absolutely gonna be the name of this episode. How lucky are we to have came up with the friends. We did.

[Mark Normand]

We had a great class. Bill Burr always said after his group, he's like, ours is one of the best he's ever seen. That's just such a nice thing.

[Dan Soder]

That's an awesome compliment. But, like, I'm so lucky. It's, like, fun. When you watch, like, before the. Before the podcast, we were talking about, you know, when we see people doing Norman impressions of young guys.

[Mark Normand]

Crazy. Crazy.

[Dan Soder]

I love it. Cuz I go, ah, I. I know. I. Like, I saw you become that comic.

[Mark Normand]

I know, but I feel like Oppenheimer. I'm like, I'm destroying worlds. This is horrible. No, don't be me. Go be somebody else. Go be Shane or Jezel.

[Dan Soder]

But even Shane. Like, when you see someone doing Shane, like, hey, man, you're doing Shane.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, how many behind the backhands? Everywhere I go, I'm counting behind.

[Dan Soder]

Let me just state for the record, and Shane will agree with this.

[Mark Normand]

I know what you're going to say.

[Dan Soder]

The behind the backhand. Bargetzi.

[Mark Normand]

Nate did it first and I.

[Dan Soder]

Because I used to call it the Admiral. Oh, well, I go, you're doing the Admiral? Where he's. Yeah. Where he would stand with his hand behind his back like that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Well, Nate has a joke about that. His shoulder got injured. Oh. Because of how he was standing. You you were still on the road with him when he was doing that. And a whole bit about I hurt my shoulder just by the way I stand. And it was because he. It was because he did the Admiral.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. And then Shane does the Admiral, but to me, Shane is the double clasp.

[Mark Normand]

Double clap with the, with the out.

[Dan Soder]

Every now and then the out everything. Because double clasps stay in.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Double clasp out in chain.

[Mark Normand]

And burr is a cutting hand down. Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But also the mic shift.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes. And the, and the elbow on the mic.

[Dan Soder]

Elbow on it. No. What do you got, Margetzi? Is the both hands crazy? Yeah, we'll throw it up. Crazy bananas.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I'll try.

[Dan Soder]

Think of whoever does that. What does list do List? Does the hand in the pocket sometimes.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dan Soder]

Jay does the sit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I'll do a chin rub.

[Dan Soder]

I do the hot back and forth.

[Mark Normand]

You do a kind of a hand like this every now and then.

[Dan Soder]

I'm a little wavy, baby.

[Mark Normand]

You kind of do like wrist thing. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, when we were coming up, this is what it was great. This is why, like, I feel like honesty needs to have a resurgence.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Bargetsy one time came and like pulled me aside. He was like, hey, you're doing the burr shifting. Oh. And then you just like watch it. And you go, oh, yeah, yeah, I gotta.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Then you're just lift.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Cuz there were comics that I go, hey, you're doing the Shane delivery.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Even if you don't know. And they go, oh, thanks. Now I'll actually. And you're not saying it's a on. You're just going like happens swat your hand, dude. You're like, it's like the way basketball players like change their shots. You put your elbow in.

[Mark Normand]

Somebody told me I was doing norms over here. He'd be, oh. Over there. He'd be like, you know, Norm's like, so homeless guy over there or this guy's being a dick over there. And I started saying, so was my wife over there. And somebody's like, that's Norm.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, oh, you're right. And I had to drop the over.

[Dan Soder]

Theirs just because, I mean, how many people did we watch start doing the knee slap after Chappelle did it?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's. We don't like when he does it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. It was like, yeah, dude. That was the one thing about that last special where I was like, it was like a. I was like, stop.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Dan Soder]

Just every time. I just want to hear you. I miss you. I miss it. I miss you. He sort of grabbed his face, like, hook and be like. Like, where is he?

[Mark Normand]

Come back.

[Dan Soder]

There you are, Dave. You know he moves his face. Yeah. Oh, bumping mics. Yeah, I wasn't.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's your thing. I got you. You kind of do like a. This. This little web shoot.

[Dan Soder]

I do a little spider man. It's just having a dead daddy's hard. Dead daddies are hard. Crazy bananas. It's me. Bananas.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

We might be drunk Tuesdays with stories. The specials on YouTube, the specials on Netflix. One of the best out there. A real mensch.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, it's good to be back, baby Mark Norman, baby fart on the couch.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, no. Dude, thank you for giving me ammo.

[Mark Normand]

Comedy.

[Dan Soder]

It.