137: Riding Bikes with Mike McDaniel | Soder Podcast | EP 134

Summary

Soder Podcast EP 137: Riding Bikes with Mike McDaniel

Released: June 2, 2026
Host: Dan Soder
Guest: Mike McDaniel (NFL coach, Los Angeles Chargers)

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Episode Overview

This episode is an extended, hilarious, and heartfelt reunion between Dan Soder and his lifelong friend, Mike McDaniel — now head coach of the Los Angeles Chargers. The conversation ranges from their mischievous adolescent exploits in Aurora, Colorado, to reflections on adulthood, NFL stories, cherished friendships, and the enduring power of shared history. The two reminisce with the ease of middle schoolers and the perspective of adults, reveling in their continued connection despite careers that have taken them in wildly different directions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Mischief and Suburban Schemes

(02:13–25:25)

• Green Room Snacks & Childhood Habits:
  Dan and Mike kick off with a playful riff about stealing Cheez-Its from the green room, relating it to the persistence of childhood habits.
• Throwing Tennis Balls at Cars:
  They recount their adolescent “bad” behavior—throwing tennis balls at cars, turning off automatic doors at grocery stores, and other mild suburban pranks.
  • "If my shit gets hit with a tennis ball...I'm over that fence and I'm trying to fight this." (Dan, 05:59)
  • "Maybe we should interpret tennis balls hitting cars...as a cry for help, because these kids have no supervision." (Mike, 06:04)
• Avoiding Trouble:
  They discuss having a “code” — pushing boundaries mischievously but always with the goal of not getting caught or seriously crossing ethical lines.
  • "The game is not to get in trouble. Now how far can we push?" (Mike, 12:11)

2. Forming Identity Through Friendship

(25:25–29:00)

• Middle School Summers:
  Reminiscences of the freedom and risk of adolescent days riding bikes, sneaking out, and wandering Aurora without cell phones or supervision.
• First Experiences with Heartbreak:
  Dan recalls being cheated on and Mike’s legendary, over-the-top voicemail to Dan’s ex’s Catholic family, a deep display of childhood loyalty and a source of major grounding.
  • "You called Redacted's house...not only does she have a boyfriend, but she cheated...with two other boys who put their fingers in her vagina." (Dan, 16:00)
• Apologizing for Humor:
  They trace Dan’s habit of apologizing before a joke all the way back to seventh grade.
  • "I would lead with an apology not knowing what I did...my therapist was like, why do you apologize before all your jokes?" (Dan, 23:00)

3. Teenage Growth, Social Codes, and Football

(29:00–55:00)

• Adolescence & Social Hierarchy:
  They paint a vivid picture of suburban Colorado in the late 90s: music, parking lot parties, white privilege, housing divisions, and cultural melting pots.
• Football Camp & High School Football:
  Both describe their mutual passion for football and how it shaped their friendship, including stories of being physically late to puberty and having to “develop personality” to shine.
  • "Freshman football ... if you're not one of these guys that hits puberty until you're 15 or 16, freshman football is a fucking nightmare." (Dan, 56:28)
• Suburbia’s Grittier Side:
  Despite the “good kid” tag, they recollect dabbling in cigarettes, beer runs, prank phone calls, and even buying porn mags as a joke—but never stealing.

4. Growing Up: Coaching, Comedy, and Commitment

(55:00–70:00)

• From Ball Boy to NFL Coach:
  Mike reflects on being a Denver Broncos ball boy during Elway’s heyday, and the obsessive passion for football stats and analysis he developed as a kid.
• Media Guides and Football Nerdiness:
  • "You would get media guides...and this dude would just read the media guy...looking at like not only past attempts and completions, you’re looking at like third down on like a certain season." (Dan, 45:15)
• Parallels in Commitment:
  Their life paths—comedy and professional football—share a theme: obsessive lifelong pursuit, single-minded passion, the willingness to “give up social grace” for mastery, and deep self-knowledge.
  • "I've committed a vast majority of my life to the game of football." (Mike, 63:02)
  • "Stand up is...this social orgy. And you gotta be a generous lover." (Mike, 68:01)
• Comic Process vs. Playcalling:
  Backstage watching Shane Gillis run his Kevin Hart roast jokes, Dan introduces Mike (a world-class play designer) to Mike Lawrence (top joke writer), marveling at their similarities despite different crafts.

5. Current Lives: Family, Moves, and NFL Transitions

(70:00–78:28)

• Riding Bikes With Mike’s Daughter:
  The titular story: Dan arrives in LA and immediately rides bikes with Mike and his 5-year-old daughter, a circular return to their adolescent schemes—now as parents.
  • "There was this surreal moment where we're riding to 7-11 to get Slurpees...and I was just like, I created a song to make it cool that I was walking my bike. And it worked." (Dan, 41:18)
• Candy Bonding:
  Both admit that, since getting sober, their affinity for candy has replaced their drinking—a return to adolescence, discussing favorite candies and their “bean feast” obsession.
• Football Loyalty and Team Colors:
  Dan recalls the full circle of seeing Mike’s mom, a lifelong Broncos fan, finally wearing 49ers gear when Mike was on the Niners staff.
  • "The first thing she said to me is she goes, 'I'm finally wearing the right colors.'" (Dan, 71:51)
  • Now, with Mike at the Chargers, Dan jokes about learning “Bolt Up.”

6. Wisdom on Friendship & Resilience

(59:48–61:46; recurring)

• Being Oddballs:
  They reflect on how not fitting in as kids, and being forced to “develop a personality,” made for a lifelong bond and a foundation for later success.
  • "Our friendship was never about being cool...it was just like, oh, we're both kind of in that situation." (Dan, 59:23)
• Not Getting Caught & Not Getting Sour:
  Their shared approach: always push boundaries, but don’t get truly “captured”—by authority, negativity, or the worst parts of growing up.
  • "There was always this...undying positivity...this like, foolishness that carried us through." (Dan, 61:02)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (by Timestamp)

• On Suburban Mischief:
  "We were habitual line steppers. But...the game is not to get in trouble." (Mike, 10:47–12:10)
• Loyalty in Friendship:
  "Mike is ride or die. Always has been." (Dan, 12:35)
• Puberty and Football:
  "If you’re not one of these guys that hits puberty until you’re 15 or 16, freshman football is a fucking nightmare." (Dan, 56:28)
• Commitment to Craft:
  "You've committed to your passion of comedy. I've committed a vast majority of my life to the game of football." (Mike, 63:01)
• Joke-Writer and Playcaller Parallels:
  "It's, like, fun to introduce you to a person that doesn't do the same thing you do. But there are parallels in what you do." (Dan, 69:55)
• On the Past & Present Colliding:
  "To have people in their lives long enough that you get to kind of live a similar experience, but as an adult now..." (Dan, 43:20)
• Lifetime Loyalty:
  "Some people didn't believe I was friends with you because the way that I talk about it..." (Dan, 78:30)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:13] Childhood snacks, green room stories, and self-analyzing humor
• [04:50] The “Britney Spears effect” and end of bike-riding era
• [12:35] Mike's infamous “ride or die” voicemail after Dan is cheated on
• [23:00] The origin of Dan’s apologizing-before-jokes tic
• [26:25] Middle-school schemes, riding bikes, and sneaking out
• [45:15] Mike’s football nerdiness and media guide obsession
• [63:02] Parallels of passion: Football vs. Comedy
• [68:01] Backstage with Shane Gillis, play-calling vs. joke writing
• [71:51] Mike’s mom dons Niners colors at last—full circle friendship
• [74:37] Getting sober and the return of the candy obsession
• [76:16] Jelly bean “bean feast” and musings on the future
• [78:28] Sincere expressions of friendship and gratitude, with a shoutout to their mutual friend Chad

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Tone and Chemistry

The tone is nostalgic, irreverent, deeply affectionate, and funny. Dan and Mike’s rapport is quick, open, and full of inside jokes, with honest acknowledgments of adolescence, vulnerability, and hard-won life lessons. Long tangents never feel self-indulgent; instead, they’re woven into a tapestry of stories balancing self-deprecation and pride.

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Takeaway

“Riding Bikes” is much more than literal—it’s a metaphor for friendship through life’s wild ride. Dan and Mike’s laughter, candor, and reflections provide not only comedy but a sincere look at the power of steadfast relationships, professional obsession, and being true to yourself—even, or especially, when you’re an oddball.

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"There was always this undying positivity...this foolishness that carried us through."
—Dan Soder, [61:02]

"You’re as good as those who you surround yourself with."
—Mike McDaniel, [48:18]

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Find a cheese bro.

[A]

You grabbed the cheez its from the green room. Dude, I'm gonna tell you there's no.

[B]

It was from your specific for my dressing room and I waited the allotted time, 60% of the show to make sure that I wasn't because I, I was like super self conscious about messing with people's routines.

[A]

Oh, with like the axe.

[B]

Yeah man. Business bro.

[A]

It's so funny. You Took this from the dressing room because there's. There's certain things that like just don't leave you in adulthood.

[B]

Well, I was gonna eat it last night, but I fumbled one from the other stage. I know because I double bagged.

[A]

Because you were too bagged up. I will.

[B]

I had one out and I was like fully going to go back to back and I fumbled one.

[A]

You dropped to cheese it. Yeah, but that's not the sin. The sin was created on my part because I accidentally stepped on it. And then you can't just pick up the cheese it. Because now the cheese.

[B]

But I don't want to pieces. I don't want to place blame on you in that regard because specifically I don't want to positively reinforced staring at the ground. That doesn't help you socially.

[A]

Dude. I, you know. Yeah. I've been trying to tell people. Yeah.

[B]

You're always fighting the towers as it is.

[A]

Yeah. You're the only. You're one of the only people that obviously you've known each other since you moved to Aurora in seventh grade. But how much. I used to apologize to my mom for making jokes. For like making jokes, right?

[B]

No, no, no. And it. Well, it was all like.

[A]

I'd be like, I'm sorry, I apologize. You and our friend Byron.

[B]

Yeah. But we. And we got to like. Ironic. It's kind of weird as I reflect, but we were psychoanalyzing ourselves then.

[A]

I think that.

[B]

And then in college.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then in our 20 or in our 30s the entire time. And it was very interesting because we caught it early enough where you would laugh at yourself and would try to. It was like a tick. Like I'd fight the urge. You'd be like, I apologize.

[A]

There was one time. There was one time you were spending the night at my house and it was like literally shock therapy. Because I was like, I don't do that. And then like every time I was making a joke, I was like, I. Yeah, I'm sorry. I apologize. Yeah, I'm sorry. That's what I always think. What was funny is I landed in LA on Sunday and the first time since 98. 97 we rode bikes.

[B]

Yeah. You know, probably it was like since not probably pre. Britney Spears.

[A]

Yes. Honestly, I think we could call it the Britney Spears effect.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think her coming out on the scene. We were done riding bikes and just straight jacking it. We had gone for. Remember the game we used to play where we would take a tennis ball and throw it at cars driving by and then we would try to allegedly Allegedly. We would try to act, stopping it with our hands.

[B]

It's weird how there's like, everybody has their things that they could identify. They'd be like, wow, I would hate meeting myself. It's not a long list, but, like, that's one.

[A]

Like, a couple things.

[B]

Suburban tennis ball throwing and just driving.

[A]

Just like, dude, if my. I'm telling you right now, if I was in a nice Nissan Altima driving. Driving to.

[B]

Let's say I'm doing.

[A]

Let's say I'm driving to Albertsons.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm driving to the grocery store.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm driving by where he used to live.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And my shit gets hit with a tennis ball. I'm over that fence and I'm trying to fight this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you remember we got chase.

[B]

You know. You know what, though? Maybe this. Maybe we're looking at it all wrong. Maybe we should interpret tennis balls hitting cars. Cars should say, you know what? That's a cry for help, because these kids have no supervision, which, you know,

[A]

I do not have that control of my anger of a tennis ball hitting my car and me being like, donk. Hey, those kids are going through something.

[B]

No, but realistically, how would have been over.

[A]

I would have tried to get over that.

[B]

How did we. Why did we do that? Because we were. But we were spending 24. I mean, all waking hours, like, doing our own thing. I think sooner than I would be comfortable allowing my daughter to do.

[A]

Oh, 100%. Now that you're a parent, you're like, there's no way I would allow her at 13 years old to go to Albertsons and turn off the automatic doors like you and I used to do.

[B]

No, just, like, go.

[A]

Oh, yeah, go. Leave. Just go.

[B]

Like, all the things we would.

[A]

I mean, we would, like, in middle school, like, summers. Summers in middle school, we would go from, like, spending the night at my house, and then we just ride our bikes to, like, someone else's house and hang out all day.

[B]

It was a situation where if we were more attractive, we would be trafficked.

[A]

Yes. God, if we were sexy, we would have been snatched. But, dude, I. Talking about hating ourselves. If I were at a grocery store and a kid turned off the automatic door like we used to do, because that was our.

[B]

I'm so proud of that.

[A]

Me, too. Yeah, me too. Do you remember? So we used to. Because I told you this story.

[B]

Yeah, but you were tall enough, though. You were like. You were a tall kid then.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it was also, like, beyond our reach of things that you could do.

[A]

Well, we found out, we found out through another kid that I don't know if this is still how it is. You can't quote me on this.

[B]

Yeah, we don't know where the technology's at.

[A]

It's obviously advanced. We're talking about late 90s. You could. There was a switch like a manual switch on the top right of an electronic of like the automatic doors.

[B]

Yeah. Like one of those old metal ones that's like got a.

[A]

Exactly. And you could flip it in any direction.

[B]

Yeah. But it's a hard flip if you get. If you get it going stuck.

[A]

So you'd flip it southwest. You'd knock it down southwest. And what it would do is it would open the automatic door and then it would shut it. But then the sensor didn't work. So then what we would do is we would lock the automatic door and then we go around to the side then.

[B]

No, then we would watch.

[A]

We would just sit there and watch people. You have no idea the faith that people have in automatic doors. They just assume it's gonna open. Dude, I. The one I.

[B]

No, but it's always interesting. It's. It's like way different vibes on once they get their bearings. Cuz, you know, it's like what just happened.

[A]

Yes. It's the confusion.

[B]

Right. And then. All right, am I gonna double down? Am I gonna lose my mind and get pissed? Am I gonna yell like automatically breathe out Manager like Karen.

[A]

Yes. I bet, I bet now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I bet right now there's way more Karen energy of like how could you let this happen? Back in the day, motherfuckers were taking their bumps.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then just either manually opening it and getting their grocery. Because the grocery cart. It's all about the grocery cart would hit the door and then it would hit them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The one that I felt bad about. I distinctly remember the only we're on the side was there was like. I want to say a three or four year old kid in the cart and the cart hit and the kid just went down.

[B]

But you know like if that happened to you, those are the risks you know, you take when you, when you're, when you're playing that game. You know it wasn't for the light hearted.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There were risks. Parents could be called.

[A]

Yeah. Parents could be called. We got called.

[B]

We were good at not getting captured.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

By known like my mom and your

[A]

mom had no idea the dirt we were doing. Nah. They did not know we were going to Albertsons playing kickball. Do you remember that?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then one Time we kicked the ball. Cuz we'd go into the middle of the aisle and play kickball. We'd like roll. You know those like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know those big things that are filled with bouncy balls.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We grab a couple and we would play kickball. And then a couple times you launch it and it go up into the sign. Do you remember that when the sign came out, the sign for the aisles went like shit and we just ran. But. And I think this is why we both ended up drinking and having to quit that rush of like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Breaking the sign and being like.

[B]

And also we were just habitual line steppers. But we kind of looked at it like this. We're not stealing anything.

[A]

Exactly. The bad kids steal stuff. We're playing an instant game of kickball in your grocery store. Sure. We're locking your door.

[B]

There's like so like, you know, like, I mean, you're welcome parents and. And people in the store.

[A]

We had a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun in that Albertsons.

[B]

Which is now like maybe people didn't mess. Like maybe they gave us some grace because we really press their patience. Maybe they gave us grace because they're like, you know what that avoid kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Way to overcome those.

[A]

Yeah. Stand up to society.

[B]

Yeah. Just because your fathers don't love you doesn't mean the world won't.

[A]

Yeah. But we would do fun stuff. We wouldn't do bad stuff. We would do prank phone calls and like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's what's always funny is because I see the. I see a lot of the guys that we used to hang out with in middle school that would do the bad stuff and then they're just like dudes now.

[B]

No, we, we played this to the same. Like we were playing the same game the entire time for from the onset where it was like, no, no, no. The game is not to get in trouble.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Now how far can we push? How crazy can we get within the rule. The. There's. It was non negotiable. Our fear was driving us. Like we weren't getting in trouble.

[A]

We weren't getting in trouble because we were afraid to get it.

[B]

Yeah. And we were quick enough.

[A]

We did not want to get.

[B]

We scouted the mid, you know, mid-40s.

[A]

A lot of our. A lot of those guys we were friends with weren't scared to get in trouble. So they do cr.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We were like, we're not getting caught. And then. Do you remember when you blew yourself up in eighth Grade. Because I got cheated on by my girlfriend. And you left that voicemail. I always tell people that was the moment where I was like, mike is ride or die.

[B]

Always have been.

[A]

Yeah, always have been. But eighth grade, in between eighth grade and freshman year, you were chilling at my house and you were like, I found out some information from a girl that we went to school with. That. The girl I was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, Lauren was like, yo. She was like, hey, Dan's girlfriend cheated on him twice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, that was our first experience. Dude.

[B]

That was crazy. In the. In that. That, you know, the. The heartbreak.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The.

[A]

Because we were. We got better with women, but in middle school, we were goofy.

[B]

No.

[A]

So girls liked us, but they didn't.

[B]

Like, we weren't ready to have.

[A]

Girl. Yeah.

[B]

We weren't ready to have a girlfriend still playing with, like, publicly was dealing, you know, like. So, like, I had to interject.

[A]

And I know. I know kids now grow up fast, but we were eighth grade, ninth grade, we found out that there had been some. Some fingering going on, which is huge. That's huge. That is. That is adult version of sex. It's like. That's eighth grade version of, like.

[B]

I can't confirm nor deny anything above diddling.

[A]

That's it. But I was.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

She got diddled. We found out. I'm heartbroken. Mike. Ride or die moment calls the girl I was dating's house. This is during the day. It's summer in between eighth grade and freshman year.

[B]

Not my style.

[A]

This is not his style.

[B]

This is what I'm saying, I think was the point.

[A]

Yeah. He set himself on fire because we were all.

[B]

I think I was distracted. You. I think I tried to do something crazy enough that you'd be like, dude, it's okay.

[A]

But this is.

[B]

I'll worry about you now.

[A]

And I'm not gonna give names out. I would never dox anybody. But he called the girl I was dating. We'll call her T. And he was like. It was Answering voice.

[B]

Last name Rex.

[A]

T. Rex. Tiny arms.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thick legs. Thick ass.

[B]

Terrible at volleyball. No range.

[A]

Terrible. Pure carnivore. Only loved meat.

[B]

Terrible to have small poodles around.

[A]

She would eat them. So he. This is like. And I understand we have young listeners. The answering machine was a big deal because the answering machine was. The whole family heard it. If you were. If you got home and someone had missed a call, no matter your place in the family, you could listen to the answering machine. It wasn't your personal voice. Messages. It wasn't a text. It wasn't a thing that went just to you, this motherfucker.

[B]

Speaker mode.

[A]

Speaker mode. Calls. I was standing next to him while I did it. Calls this girl's house permanent speaker, dude. And you go. You go, hi. You don't know me, but your daughter Blank isn't supposed to have a boyfriend. Her parents were very Catholic. I was not.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that was. That was part of the.

[A]

Yep. And he's like, yeah. He went. He went. Not only does she have a boyfriend, but she cheated on her boyfriend with two other boys who put their fingers in her vagina. That was the thing that he stressed. And again, we're eighth. We're eighth grade boys at this point. But he goes, dude, I remember you being on my AT&T. Cordless, gray cordless, going, fingers in her vagina. And honestly, it helped. It made me feel so good. He threw such a nuke on that answering machine. But by the way, this is how fucking foolish I was. That happened. And we just went and rode bikes. We just went and rode bikes. I think we rode up to your house. Might have gotten a joke cola or two and ridden to your house. Drove, dude. I came home.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And my mom was like, what the fuck did you do? My mom went nuclear on me, and my mom could blow up. Sup, Trish? I know you're watching. She was like, what the fuck did you and Mike do? You called Redacted's house. She was like, Mr. Redacted called me today when I was.

[B]

Should have known there's something fishy with the name, like, redacted.

[A]

Like redacted. I was. I was preparing to get married, and I go, Mr. Redacted. That sounds good. I'll take her name.

[B]

The vision on your vision board.

[A]

I mean, I'm putting on a. I'm putting on a fucking veil. I'm Mr. Redacted. But, dude, my mom was like, what the fuck? He. He star six seven did or he star six nine it got our number. She's like, he blocked. He blocked our phone number. I was grounded for the. I think, like, I want to say the rest of the summer, I was in deep trouble. And she's like. And I just called Mike and got off the phone with Donna, and he's in trouble too. Did you get in trouble? Nah. Damn. I knew it. I was like, nah, dude. Donna's gonna see why he did it and respect it.

[B]

Yeah, but. But it was like, damn.

[A]

My mom really knew I was the

[B]

only one that got in, but it was like, because I was motivated to do things.

[A]

I got cheated on and grounded.

[B]

No, no, but I was just. Because I was motivated at, you know, taking my world to new heights.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I went to. It was like, yo, you got to fight. But it was like, for us.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I figured it's cost of doing business.

[A]

Listen, dude. And like, I would, I would do. I did those, you know, I did those two months of being grounded on my head. I did a nickel for the cause. I did my dime and I got the fuck out.

[B]

No, and it, and it made my life more inconvenient. You know, I think we started like violating the grounding like, once you got a good weekend, if I remember correctly.

[A]

Yeah, I started. I think I got, I think I got a reduced sentence after a little bit because I think my mom understood. My mom's great with empathy and I think she understood. I was very sad about what happened and that you were a good friend. And she was like, all right, I think I can knock off.

[B]

No, she was like, I need to socialize this boy.

[A]

She caught me prank phone calling a lot. She was honestly really, really cool about it. And I think I probably would have been a lot harsher.

[B]

No, no, she was cool about it because that now I remember this. And Trish, this is cool because like, I do remember vividly.

[A]

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[B]

Now, I remember this. And Trish, this is cool because, like, I do remember vividly there being times that you would, like, you'd be all rambunctious and you would toe the line with your mom, which was rare.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's because you could feel that, like, you are on a comedic rhythm at the time. And if it was funny enough, she let it go. So. But it was like, it was cool because, like, if it wasn't funny enough,

[A]

I was in trouble.

[B]

Oh, you were.

[A]

I swear to God, that's a hundred.

[B]

You apologize.

[A]

Yeah, dude, I apologize.

[B]

I apologize.

[A]

You don't understand. That's how him and Byron, my two best friends, would make fun of me all seventh, eighth grade. I apologize. I apologize.

[B]

Danny, didn't finish your milk. Like something weird.

[A]

I mean, something weird like that.

[B]

But. But she wouldn't necessarily be. She'd just be, like, very assertive, but she wouldn't be like, you have to drink the milk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or something happens. You would prematurely rush to the. I apologize. We couldn't even find out where the. Where it was going, you know?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I would lead with an apology not knowing what I did. Dude, when I started going to therapy, my therapist was like, can I watch your standup? And I did a Comedy Central half hour, and I had it on a dvd and I gave it to him. And he watched it. And then the next therapy session, I go in and he goes, why do you apologize before all your jokes? And I was like, shut the fuck up. And he's like, you apologize before you make jokes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, you don't understand. 7th and 8th grade, my friends would always go, I apologize. That was like the impression. He goes, you still do it. It was, like, crazy to see that. And it was in my late 20s, but early 30s.

[B]

The coolest thing in the world is, like, figuring new stuff out about yourself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, and then being able to recognize it and not overcooking it, minimizing it, but then laughing at yourself when you're like, wait a minute.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Those are three apology apologies.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In 30 seconds, middle school dudes are calling me out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Adjust my behavior.

[A]

Adjust it. Adjust and then readjust. I mean, I think that's like. That's what's been crazy about watching you through your career make the proper adjust.

[B]

You've been watching me from afar.

[A]

I bugged you. I put it. I put a. I put a bug on you. Slumber party in eighth grade. I was like, I have. You tracked like a bison.

[B]

That's better than. I was in your house.

[A]

Yeah, I was in your house unannouncing. Oh, dude. Remember sneaking out of your house?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We used to get so good. Sorry, Donna, if you're watching. We used to get so good at sneaking out of your house.

[B]

Again. Again.

[A]

Not getting caught. We never leave for the whole night.

[B]

Yeah, but we applied our ambition, our thirst for life, and we're like, hey, listen, we can't be successful starting a little money making business or really doing anything productive, but we can scheme our way into doing things that we shouldn't do, that we'd get in trouble for.

[A]

But we won't get caught for scheming, Dude. We're all about middle schools, all about scheming. It's all about what schemes can you get away with? And it was great. I was all about schemes. Dude.

[B]

Dude. Well, it's kind of, as you reflect on it, what weirdos we are in middle school. Yeah, dude, just. Just be above board. Keep it real.

[A]

Just keep it real. Yeah, and you're not. You're gonna be fine. But we would, like, dude, we'd wait for your. For your mom and stepdad go sleep. And we'd sneak out and then just be outside. We just. We'd just be out there. No way to contact. By the way, if something happened to us, it would have looked like we

[B]

Were just straight up a lot of time in the. The pathways on the way to Indian. Or right by Indian Ridge.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Elementary school. But on the pathway by Smoke to. And Smoky Hill.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We were in the cuts in Mission Viejo.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dipping, dodging.

[A]

I mean, so it's funny is last night at that. Shane's show at the Hollywood bowl, which

[B]

was so wild, man. Like, it was real. You're at such a good place. Oh, thanks. And. But, you know, it's funny being on the show. Like, I could in one hand say I couldn't. Can you believe this? And the whole time I'm like, dude, I'm Nostradamus. I saw this coming. Because it's like pretty simple formula.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Passion and talent and just intentionality towards that over time.

[A]

Yeah. Which I think is a thing that you and I share. Exactly the same thing. Which is what's. So what's funny is last night was the first night I had met Christian McCaffrey in person. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like social media or whatever. And he's good friends with Shane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Obviously he's a 49er fan.

[B]

You know, you're like, oh, he's more attractive in person.

[A]

I go, well, hello. I actually put my glasses down. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And there are transition lenses. You just came in, so.

[A]

But what's. He's a Colorado legend. But what's crazy is his brother. You work with his brother?

[B]

Mm. Max McCaffrey.

[A]

Max McCaffrey. You've known the McCaffreys since you were a ball boy.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I mean, since we were 13.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

13 to 16. Yeah. You're there the night 90. Were you there 96 through 99.

[B]

Yeah. Shout out.

[A]

Super Bowl.

[B]

Shout out. Post Avalanche and Coors Field. Denver.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Time period.

[A]

You were post.

[B]

You know, right in that little pocket.

[A]

Coors Fields, brand new.

[B]

Yeah, we. I mean, we were smart enough kids that we knew Y2K was fraudulent.

[A]

I remember what we were both at New Year's eve party in 1999. We're at Anne Marie. Might have to block that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But that was in Piney Creek. And we were all at the same party, and. And everyone was like, we all knew Y2K wasn't going to happen. Yeah, I remember that. I remember exactly where we were. And I was, like, out back smoking a cigarette.

[B]

Okay. Mad Dog2020s.

[A]

A lot of it. I'll even. I'll see your Mad Dog 2020. And I'll raise you drinking puckers with Dennis. You guys used to drink? You guys used to drink.

[B]

No, because it was that was at the age that it was like you needed it.

[A]

You needed a sweetened alcohol.

[B]

Well, and just to have alcohol superseded, whether or not that was a legit drink for a dude to have.

[A]

Yes. It was like, if it had booze in it, no one gave. You're like, damn, you're drinking alcohol. Also, it was probably a sign of things to come that I enjoyed whiskey at 16. I was like, hey, this is. This is pretty rad. What's this?

[B]

No, I would. I. Well, we'd keel over and think it was like devil's blood.

[A]

Yeah. I remember Jagermeister. I got really in the rig. But what was crazy was meeting Christian. We talked about so much Colorado high school football stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was crazy. And he was like, where did you and Mike go to middle school? And I was like, laredo. And he's like, all my friends went to Laredo. And you're like, it is. That was a very fun middle school. Because it was like all these neighborhoods around, all these different kids that went to that middle school. And it's like, fun to be like, dude, that's crazy. We were there 20 years before. Christ.

[B]

No, it was.

[A]

Well, you didn't go there, but.

[B]

Well, because it was right on the line of like a 20 year distinction of suburban sprawl.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So then it was like super modest middle class.

[A]

Yeah. And then shout out Mission Viejo.

[B]

And then like, mumsies.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And are just so.

[A]

Or gated community. Shenandoah. You were like, right by. Where there was like a gated community where you're like, oh, you have to talk to a guy to go to your house. Versus, like, my house, which was just in. It was just out there.

[B]

Yeah. And these. These people in these homes that they go to country clubs.

[A]

Yeah. That was fucking wild.

[B]

And that's. And that's. But it was so such a unique melting pot. That's what was. You know, it was. There was a lot of.

[A]

We knew kids that were poor, and then there was like, Denver Broncos players that lived. Not that. Like Neil Smith.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Remember how close he lived to you?

[B]

Yeah. You know what? It does it. That's a. That's a formula to have a lot of white people listen to rap.

[A]

Yes. Who now probably don't. Who now are grown up and don't. It was like. But also, I also think you're looking at the late 90s, where I think hip hop and rappers in the suburbs, like, everywhere. Because of the mtv.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because of how music got places.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People were getting like, it doesn't happen like that now. Now it's pockets. You have like people that like shit. And sometimes it'll cross over there. It was like if we're at the Taco Bell parking lot waiting to find out where a party is, people are listening to similar music.

[B]

Why didn't we get arrested?

[A]

That is watering.

[B]

And it was for long periods of time.

[A]

What's crazy is, and you're in east coast, you're Queens. When you're in high school, did you go to just parking lots and wait to find out where parties is? That's everywhere. Yeah, like Katie did it in Massachusetts and it's like we were doing it in Aurora. You're just like sitting there being like, who's got the house party?

[B]

That only happens with a ratio. That's white privilege. Screaming, oh my God.

[A]

Yeah. A bunch of white kids.

[B]

We're out. We're in. No.

[A]

And we're not nervous and at all, at all.

[B]

Just a little too comfortable.

[A]

Well then what? I mean, thanks to my mom my senior year pretty much, we could just go to my house if we needed it to. Remember when Joey Owens threw up the back of your Mustang?

[B]

Yes, I did. Not like that.

[A]

So Mike, Mike got a sweet car.

[B]

Oh, I think I lost it, didn't I?

[A]

Yeah. It was, by the way, in front of my house. It was in front of my house. So we used to.

[B]

Embarrassing overreaction there.

[A]

So we used to. By the way, I know Owens is watching this because I still text him all the time and I know he's loving it. He, our buddy Joey used to go nuts. I remember exactly what hoodie he was wearing. He was wearing a black mark Echo with the red rhino on it. And he was in the backseat. You had a two seat Mustang. You had a 1999 two door, two door seat, two door, four seat.

[B]

Yeah, come on.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

No, but he didn't acknowledge the back seats because he was all knees at that point.

[A]

I couldn't do it. I could not get that back seat. But I remember.

[B]

And he has, he has. If I. You have terrible, like flexibility in your hips.

[A]

Guess, guess who's been stretching his hips for about 20 years every morning.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Dude, I really, I genuinely.

[B]

Do you have a song?

[A]

I go, here go my hips. I know I'm stretching my hips, but I've legitimately started stretching my hips, bro. Yeah, dude, I need you to. I'm lanky. But we were so. We always used to chill in my garage and smoke weed, cigarettes, drink or whatever. My mom was fine with it as long as we weren't Drinking or. She wasn't there.

[B]

I didn't really smoke cigarettes. Ever.

[A]

Ever. That was my job.

[B]

I'm saying, really, you didn't.

[A]

You hated it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Genuinely.

[B]

Get headaches?

[A]

When I was in seventh grade and I tried it, you were like, dude, I'm good. You tried it like, once and you're like, fuck this, try it once. And I was like, this is my whole personality. I just always have packs of cigarettes. Hey, small business owners, if you're not using Square, what are you doing? Listen, if you have a small business and you don't have a big corporate overlord helping you out, you know, those are the only reasons to be associated with a corporate overload. Overlord is to get the tools that you would need to run a small business. But Square, it's perfect for small businesses. It's behind the scenes of so many businesses you already love. Square gives them one connected system to take payments, manage inventory, run payroll, send invoices, and track it all from one place. This isn't just a point of sale. Square includes hardware that works in person and on the go, software for managing staff, marketing and customer insights, and banking tools like Square checking to get paid instantly. If you're starting a business or running one, that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage and grow without slowing down. Right now, you can get 200 off square hardware at square dot com. Go slash Soder. That's sq u a r e dot com. Go slash. Run your business smarter with square. Get started today. Do you. Here's another great friend thing you would do. You would go with me to Circle K while I would wait on the side and ask dudes to buy me cigarettes. Do you remember that?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Sit with $3 cigarettes.

[B]

Why was there a play that I was the disarming guy to ask? Oh, no. Yeah.

[A]

That was booze.

[B]

No. But I had the fuck it.

[A]

Yeah, the fuck it thing. After the phone call, you were really on your fucking shit. Yeah. And you were like, dude. And these like, legitimately be like a guy like me now walking in a Circle K. And these two fucking kids would come around the corner, hey, mister, can you buy us cigarettes? And whenever they were like, no, we were like, fuck you. We were, like, mean about it. We weren't like, I'm so sorry. I'm embarrassed.

[B]

I was four, ten in seventh grade. And five, three by, I think, freshman year.

[A]

Yeah. So like five, six freshman year.

[B]

No. And I was like, made me be better friends with girls and people and develop a personality because I was. Yeah, I was behind the Eight ball at that time.

[A]

Yeah. But you came into your own in high school, middle school. We were both goofy as we were also, like, I was just trying to be the. I was just trying. I was almost annoying. I was just, like, trying to be funny all the time. But Mike was being very funny in a smart way, which I was just out here goofballing. Goofballing.

[B]

Well, no, you know, you had more tricks. You always had, like, you have the voice. Voice manipulation.

[A]

Like, you know where to call it? Like, manipulate your voice like a true fraud.

[B]

No, but which. Which can. I mean, that. That's way more effective and useful.

[A]

Well, that's for prank phone calling, because, you know, when that came in.

[B]

Well, it's also for, like, calming your mom down because you go to your Go to. Which at the time, you'd always have something that would make her laugh.

[A]

Yeah, but then. You remember.

[B]

But then. And you had. Yeah, you were.

[A]

But when we go to football camp together, I'd always prank phone call.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A CU football.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

CSU 7 on 7 camp.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When we would, like, Dude, I was telling someone this story. Do you remember in high school where we went up to Kearney for the football camp? And then on the way back, the bus air conditioning broke? Do you remember?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And we were all like, yes. But then, do you remember that I bought novelty porn mags with Jason Garcia and Jaime Garcia?

[B]

Right.

[A]

I bought a.

[B]

Which is the only time that you kind of, like, fully committed to that sect of crew.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Shout out was for, like. Was for, like, porn mag.

[A]

No, I thought it was. We were in the. We stopped purchase. We were traveling back from Nebraska. We stopped at, like, a truck stop, and everyone was supposed to pee and stuff. I was like, how funny would it be if I bought. And I remember what it was. It was Chubbers. It was a three pack. It was like. It was called Chubbers. It was like Elderly Monthly. It was like, three really gross magazines that clearly were for, like, sick motherfucker. And we were like. We thought it was funny in the truck stop. And I had a fake ID at this point so I could buy cigarettes. I bought it, by the way, my id. It was clearly fake, but I bought the porn mags.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We were walking out to, like, show everybody. We got one on the bus and then we got busted. The coach was like, who fucking bought this? And everyone was like, it was Jaime Garcia or Sodor. And I was like, it was me. It was me. And we all got taken off the bus and yelled at. And then we rode back, but someone kept chubbers. And I remember like you and one other person looking at it, laughing so hard that you were like, why did you buy this? And I was like, I don't know. I thought it was the funniest one to buy. I remember getting fucking screamed at it.

[B]

No, but it was intentional. It was for the joke, though.

[A]

It was all for the joke. And it was the funniest thing to buy at that moment.

[B]

And it hit.

[A]

It needed it.

[B]

There's no ac. It was humid.

[A]

We were all going crazy.

[B]

We were coming back from a tackle football summer camp, which, by the way,

[A]

was not allowed in our state. We had to go to a different state twice. Twice. They were like, hey, you can't tackle until August. And our coaches, we gonna fool them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Our coach was like, found a loophole. Early July, we're going up to Nebraska. And then we just drove up to this fucking football camp and went full contact in the middle of the summer. Dude, I remember that. Yeah, that was like. I remember that bus breaking down and watching. It was like Lord of the Flies. We all went fucking crazy because we were like, it was just a bus in the middle of summer and it was.

[B]

I remember when you ate that dude's ear.

[A]

What?

[B]

You just ate it.

[A]

Just ate it.

[B]

Yeah, because we were going crazy.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I just went full crazy. Kill the kid. Yeah, that'd be funny if that's what they clip from the podcast and they go, did Dan Soder murder of another boy in high school.

[B]

Another a night.

[A]

You killing boys, bro. Just give up that you're killing fogging boys, dude. Yeah, dude, I love that you're. I love that I'm going to see you more. Living in Los Angeles. Yeah, this is great. This was like. It was very fun to go to your house and see you be relaxed.

[B]

Yeah, it's a. It's such a cool. Like I said, you have 12 months out of the year. You can be outside. So for my five year old daughter. Yeah, like you said, I mean, you want to talk about endless entertainment is access to the beach and.

[A]

But then riding the beach, I'm gonna tell you, it was like. There was this surreal moment where we're riding to 7:11 to get Slurpees because his daughter loves Slurpees because she rules and she's got good taste.

[B]

She does.

[A]

And so we went to 711 to get a Slurpee. It was right when I got off the plane. We're just riding. I'm sweating them and.

[B]

Yeah, dress like this I got pretty embarrassed pretty fast. No, no, because he's, he's being kind to me. Dude got off the plane, I'm like, yo, it just timed up weird. So we're kind of waiting around, so I'm like, we gotta go get this Slurpee, you know, I gotta stay on the front end of the idea and the excitement of the idea with my daughter and not enter into. So he gets to the house. I'm like, yo, can we go get a Slurpee? Just ride little ways. And I'm on an E bike.

[A]

He's not chilling.

[B]

He's just like, he is not. I'm on a mountain and I got uphill. I got him gassing uphill, sweating, rolling his pants.

[A]

I haven't done this move with the bike, you know? Yeah, standing up, dude, I did that. But I still got that move.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, he, he, he, he hadn't lost it.

[A]

But my legs were going up a hill. My legs were like, no. And then. So this is just real ego shit. When you gas out and a five year old is looking at you like your daughter's on the back of the E bike. Like, what happened to him? And I was just like sweating. And I just created a song to make it cool that I was walking my bike.

[B]

And it worked.

[A]

It worked. It worked like gangbusters.

[B]

And just like in seventh grade, those are the things that I appreciate most. Yeah, that was a great trick because she was chanting that for the whole way. She was chanting it when she had to.

[A]

I was like, I get off and I walk my bike. And I was like, what is it? She goes, walk my bike. We were jamming, dude, it was great.

[B]

You're hiding in place sight.

[A]

But it was really funny to like be chilling, having a slurpee outside of 711 shit we used to do in middle school, and be like, damn, your wife and daughter are with us. It was just really cool. It was just like a moment where you're like, I hope more people get that. To have people in their lives long enough that you get to kind of live a similar experience, but as an adult now where you go like, like your, Your wife took a picture of me riding a bike and sent it to my Katie. And she was like, you look goofy as hell. She's like, you're so cute, but you look goofy as hell. I was like, I felt goofy as hell. I haven't ridden a bike in forever. My knees are out to the side. I look like a fucking dickhead. But the time of my life, the Time of my life. Also the most middle school shit in the world that you don't think about is sweating in jeans.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Used to be so cool, just sweating in jeans. And now as an adult, you're like, oh, I gotta go home and change. I gotta put on my athletic gear.

[B]

Yeah, you're usually not surprised. You get the surprise sweats and jeans.

[A]

Yeah. And I hadn't sweat and jeans in a fucking long time.

[B]

Except for volleyball.

[A]

Yeah, that's. And that's only when I'm playing with the boys.

[B]

The playing with the. No, it was cool. And I think it's equally. You're recognizing. You know, it was. What was wild is the whole living circumstance and all the things that offered family was like equal as awesome to a whole.

[A]

The whole.

[B]

Another component of like the. The being able to coach and affect players and the opportunity with. In. In L. A with the Chargers. Like, Harbaugh is the coolest dude ever.

[A]

Dude. It's. But what's crazy is, do you remember the old magnets you used to have in your room that were the NFL standings and you would like, change them all the time?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Like, people don't understand, like, when you're talking about you when you're at the Hollywood bowl and you're like, oh, I saw this dude. I remember you when we were in like seventh or eighth grade, this is what I was telling Christian McCaffrey that when you used to work for the Broncos, you would get media guides. Remember that how you always had the stack of media guys closet. And this dude would just read the media guy. But you don't understand the depth of knowledge of what that is. You're looking at like, not only past attempts and completions, you're looking at like third down on like a certain season. The like all this stuff that you used to just go through. And I remember sitting there watching Jim Harbaugh on the Colts after the Bears when he got. When he was captain comeback for the Colts. And we're just sitting there watching it in your living room downstairs with Gary's subwoofer that he was very proud of.

[B]

Super proud.

[A]

He was super proud of his subwoofer. He would always be like, that's a subwoofer. And like his stepdad. And you'd be like, all right, Gary. Because he had. His stepdad's name was Gary. Everyone was named Gary in the.

[B]

No. So when we. Once we. Once we got to two Gary's, we were like, dude, you know what? Let's just cut this rat race and marry A Katie.

[A]

Let's both marry kids. Crazy. I didn't even think of that. We both married Katies. That is crazy. Dude. Never. And by the way, your wife says this all the time. Never met a Katie. I didn't.

[B]

Like, I mean, too one name abbreviated in two letters.

[A]

Come on. Come on. K, T. Easy to spell. But, dude, I remember like. But I remember, like, watching those games. I remember the. The thing I always remember is because I slept at your house pretty much every weekend of eighth grade and ninth grade. And I remember you had a TV in your room. Huge. You had a bathroom in your room.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Crazier. And I remember, like, we'd watch SNL late at night on Saturdays, and then we'd wake up and watch NFL prime time with Berman and Tom Jackson.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

At like 8:00am Colorado time.

[B]

No.

[A]

So, like, because games started at 10:00am

[B]

Quite literally, we are 42 and 2 and 3.

[A]

Yes. 43.

[B]

That have the same interests as we did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In seventh grade.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sorry. You go some comedy and then you wake up and.

[A]

And then go do football.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's exactly what happened last night. You're at the show, then you wake up this morning, go to practice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was crazy because that's why I love, obviously, Jim Harbaugh to me as a 49er fan. I super into Harbaugh when he took over the Niners. And I loved the khakis and everything about it. Get us to the Super Bowl. He goes to Michigan, comes back, and then now you're coaching for him. And I love what I was just like, dude, is he the man? You're like, he's the man.

[B]

Well, yeah. And like, it's also like, you want to always feel like you're progressing and getting better. And you realize as you go, you're as good as those who you surround yourself with.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you know, check Coach Harbaugh's win loss record.

[A]

It's crazy. Look at Stanford. You know what? I'll go all the way back on business. San Diego State, like San Diego State into Stanford into the Niners, into Michigan into. Into the Chargers. Yeah.

[B]

And it's cool to. You know, one thing that is super obvious is he's very adept at identifying, you know, the components players and coaches to create a team. Yeah. But he's also just like flexed to me of sheer and utter complete security in himself and so much genuine authent on any. Any.

[A]

He is who he is. That's why people are like. Yeah. Like, I remember that interview he did where he was like, Talking about he'd just go pitch against the wall or whatever. And I was like, dude, I love that. I also like a guy that doesn't shy away from saying he drinks milk.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Milk is the best.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Milk rules.

[B]

And like by percentage he's falling on the sword because there's like. So there's too much milk in the game.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

There's too many people drinking the amount of milk at the. As much as he likes it. Why is he the only one?

[A]

Why exactly pushing it? You know what's funny is when, when I used to be on the bonfire, Jay would always make fun of me because I used to go over to his house in Queensland and his ex wife would cook dinner and I'd be like, oh, can I get a glass of milk?

[B]

Yeah, I was clowning you for the cold glass of milk back in 95, bro.

[A]

I promise you I've been about that life.

[B]

But you know who was the first one he assessed? Like, I like it more than I give a shit about taking the shit. So I'll just ride the shit out, dude. I'm drinking this milk.

[A]

I fucking love milk. The first person, and I swear to God the first person that stood up and pushed back about it was Shane. We had Shane on the bonfire and Big J was like, shane line soder loves milk. And then I remember you could find it. Shane goes, milk rules, dude. And you watch Jay go. You know, I get in. Shane was like, very shame. Like, milk rules, dude. You don't understand milk rules. And it does. I fucking love milk now.

[B]

He loves milk enough to know all the things.

[A]

That's why me and Harbaugh, dude.

[B]

No, but you know your handshake, you're an expert enough to know all the things not to do after drinking milk.

[A]

Yeah, you don't run the hard way. God, you don't run.

[B]

No.

[A]

If. Lay down if you must.

[B]

Yeah. You don't do the worm.

[A]

Don't do the worm or that's going to come out. Yeah, there really is stuff and what you can and cannot mix it with, honestly, Thai food I would not mix milk with or Chinese food. But Italian food often poo pooed and you will poo poo. Italian food, you can get away with it. I like a lasagna with a glass of milk. I'll see you in the comments section and you know, fucking catch me outside, dude. I love milk. Yeah, I love it so much. And staying on business, bro, if I ever do get to meet the great Jim Harbaugh, I will bring up milk.

[B]

You Will. He'll be excited to meet you.

[A]

And I'll go 2% or bust. I'll go whole all day. I won't go raw or skim, but I'll go 2% or whole.

[B]

That's a bone structure.

[A]

That's whole all day, dude. Like, Wolver fucking Green, bro. I am animanium, man. Do you remember when I broke my shoulder freshman year of football?

[B]

I do.

[A]

And then got on Percocet.

[B]

And then I remember you in a sling being kind of fussy.

[A]

Yeah, dude, I was a little bitchy because I used to. I used to. Well, also, I was working my way through a Percocet addiction, right. Because they gave me all these Percocets, and I was like, oh, no.

[B]

A guy with no key. Pre awareness. Like, so, like, they're just like, whatever, dude.

[A]

They were like, oh, hey. Also, we didn't really know this at the time in the late 90s, but you can basically map out if both sides of your family have an addiction problem.

[B]

But we didn't know anybody that had. But we didn't know anybody that had had Percocet, nor did we ever have it. So when you took it, I remember you going like, dude, these are awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was like, I can't, like, spurny.

[A]

And, dude, I remember I do a thing where, like, I broke my. I broke my shoulder. And I was like. And they were like, Coach Barker was like, all right, so you're gonna come to practice every day? And I was like, for sure. And I'd, like, show up and practice and stuff in my sling. And then it just slowly. As the perks. As I kept munching perks, I'd be like, ooh, you know, Ryan's house is pretty close, and I can smoke cigarettes there on perks. And that's better than watching practice. And then if I give him a perk, he'll give me a pack of cigarettes. And it was. And then. So that's when I got fussy. I stopped the Percocettes because I also ran out.

[B]

We didn't know that was withdrawals.

[A]

Yes. We didn't know that was a thing called withdrawals. But also, it sucked because, like, I couldn't use my arm for, like, four months of the school year. And it was freshman year, everyone was fingering.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Except me.

[B]

That's the only reason you weren't.

[A]

Yeah. There's a lot more reasons. I couldn't get girls.

[B]

No. But it gave us an opportunity to develop personality. We really had to stand out for people to Acknowledge our existence.

[A]

So something that I. I honestly said out loud for the first time, talking to Christian yesterday, which never crossed my mind, because I love all our friends we graduated high school with, and I love everything. We really missed an opportunity to move to Grandview and be the first graduating class, because, like, if you think about it now as adults, we could have taken our whole crew of friends and gone over there and been the first seniors at that high school. Because I think about when we were in high school and that. So another high school opened. A new high school opened when we were sophomores, and they were like, oh, you guys can transfer to this high school, which is, like, a little farther away.

[B]

Yeah, but.

[A]

But it was brand new, and it was like, all right.

[B]

But we were kind of leaning into, like, you know, we're not just your everyday suburban. We've got a little edge to us.

[A]

True. We did like the little grime. Yeah, we did like the grime. We did like, a little bit of the. We didn't. But I. Out loud, I was kind of like, damn, we really did try to go to all their parties.

[B]

No, I'm just.

[A]

On the weekends, we'd be like, is there. Is there a party going on over there? Like, leave us alone, you fucking dirt bags.

[B]

I mean, in hindsight, as an adult, if we were motivated from an educational, you know, standpoint, it's probably the best move, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, the most resources and newer.

[A]

Newer. Newer resources and also probably. I mean, I don't know. Our high school had Internet, International baccalaureate.

[B]

Yeah, it did. I took a class senior year. We had a bunch of people that. I mean, that's a weird deal.

[A]

Yeah. Because they were like, foreign exchange students.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We had a giant high school.

[B]

Our high school was, like, graduated 700 or something.

[A]

Yeah. 779 kids were in our graduating class.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was like our freshman and sophomore year. Our high school is over 3,000 kids, which is, like, fucking big.

[B]

It's hitting numbers, dude.

[A]

I remember walking to freshman football with you. It was before I broke my shoulder,

[B]

so I knew something, and I was 5 3.

[A]

You were 5 3? I was. I want to say I was like, 5 10.

[B]

You were.

[A]

I was about 5 10. Skinny as a rail. But do you remember walking the neck roll? Neck roll, baby. Had to make it look like I was bigger. Do you remember walking to 2A days, freshman year?

[B]

As it was, it just looked like you were shrugging all the time.

[A]

But I remember walking the two days with you on the first day of hitting being like, on that Path that

[B]

we were talking about. Yeah. That was not. It's not cool. We were walking to be on the front side of puberty in the post pubescent game.

[A]

I couldn't say that better myself. Freshman football. And there's other men that'll agree with you that were on the wrong side of it, like we were. If you're not one of these guys that hits puberty until you're 15 or 16, freshman football is a fucking nightmare. Because there's guys like Garope who showed up a man freshman year. He's one of our best friends.

[B]

He just. He just fast tracked, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, do you remember showing up, though?

[A]

And he was doing. Yeah, he was repping 225. And we were like, what the fuck is this? Me and Mike look like little boys. And we were like, what? We had long hair. We had bob cuts that were like long hair. We were like, what is this? And Garrett pays, like, just fucking racking 225.

[B]

Just.

[A]

Dude, I remember. But Kurt Dooley, who, by the way, I had lunch with, he lives in Indianapolis.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He says, what's up?

[B]

Sup?

[A]

What's up? Kurt Dooley, man, He was another guy that was like a full grown dude, right? Like freshman year. He was like a full. He had like veins in his arms. He had like, biceps with veins in him. And Mike and I were straight up little boys. Yep. And we walked. We. I spent the night at his house. During 2A days, where you do two football practices in a day. And like on the third day of 2A days, full contact, we were doing hitting drills. And I remember Mike and I walking from your house, which was walking distance to the high school.

[B]

It was a stressful situation.

[A]

It was like, dude, I remember how it smelled, the dew. It was like early in the morning. And I remember expressing the fear I had to Mike as we're walking to school, where I was like, we're gonna get fucking killed. We had to go against, like, Marcus Sias and like Kurt Dooley and fucking Dan, who are like all men. And we're like f. And I remember that. I remember being frozen with that fear of being like, fuck, yeah. And then it sucked. I tried to call out capstick. That was a bad move. I went for his ankles. And then Gareth Pay knocked the shit out of me.

[B]

No, I. We were surviving it for better times.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We were rushing the opportunity to develop personality.

[A]

That is exact. You know what's funny?

[B]

It was a gigantic opportunity.

[A]

I know you're gonna earn everything you are. Yeah. I Would absolutely agree that that was the common thread for us from seventh grade.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

To late junior year.

[B]

Yeah. And so like late junior. And so at that point in your life, that amount of time is such a substantial portion of your existence.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Feels like it's never going to end.

[B]

It's the end. All that's.

[A]

Yeah. We literally got the opportunity to find out who we were or what our personalities were in a situation. And I think that's what a lot of teenagers go through. But I feel like sometimes teenagers don't have. I think what's the importance is. Is like our friendship was never about, like, provide. It wasn't about being cool. It was just like, oh, we're both kind of were in that situation.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was.

[B]

No, we really liked being around each other.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we really liked funny stuff.

[A]

Being goofy and like.

[B]

And then we had like, circumstance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we had to do something with our time.

[A]

So not all of it positive, but.

[B]

But we actually. You probably don't, you know, I guess, succeed going through the city of New York.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Had you not been combing the streets of Aurora? A town.

[A]

A towndown. Yeah, dude. And I really do think there was like, you know, I think a lot

[B]

because we had to like, not really get in trouble.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

We had to not get captured.

[A]

Not get captured. Yep. Not change for the worst. Not sour. There was always this like. There was always this like, undying positivity in the face of. In like. Of like, bad happening. There was this kind of like, goofiness that. This like, foolishness that carried us through.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I remember you were fucking really good at football. You were just undersized.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was just not like a minute.

[B]

I got. I got to like my height of 5, 9 at my junior year.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, junior year. But then what was impressive about you is you're just like pure commitment to the game of football of like, learning every step of the way, whether it be Spartan football. Ayl. You know what I mean? Then you move on to Smoky Hill. But then you're also ball boying and you're like, watching all this crazy shit happen with the Broncos. They win their two Super Bowls while you're a fucking ball boy.

[B]

Because of my ball distribution. All about ball correlation causation.

[A]

Dude, tell me, am I misremembering? I've told this story before, but I don't want to misremember it. It's a story you told me about when you were ball boying John Elway's last game at mile High Stadium, 1998 AFC Championship game against the Jets. You were ball boying and you told me the Mr. Pibb story about when Elway chugged a Mr. Pibb at halftime.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I always thought that was the coolest shit. No, it's like when you're friends with the ball boy of the Denver Broncos.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even if you're not a Broncos fan. I was 49ers fan. He would tell me, John Elway stories that you're like, that's the coolest shit in the world.

[B]

No, it was. I was like after the. The final super bowl against Atlanta, when he, like, the night of the game or he finished the night, he was at some table talking to some people that I was too young to know, but I was like, in the rafters, basically.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Just watching him watch on a big screen his final, you know, his final game on the field.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, he. I mean, yeah, pretty much. Kind of like, you've committed to your passion of comedy. I've committed a vast majority of my life to the game of football.

[A]

I mean, dude, it's been since. You know what's crazy is like, I remember starting stand up in Tucson in 2004. Right. And then we grad. We both graduate college in 05. Chad moves down to Tucson. And Chad and I are living there because he was punting still after unc. He was like. Wanted to stay in a warm place where he could, like, practice kicks. And I remember you got. You were interning with the Broncos the 05 season.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

That was the season they lost to the Steelers in the AFC Championship game. And then Kubiak brought you to Houston and you. It was like, we're off and running. Like I'm emceeing it. Laughs In Tucson. And then you're calling us on. I remember being in Chad's truck, that big gray truck he had. And you were like, do you want to know who we're going to draft? And it was the Reggie Bush, Vince Young, Matt Leiner ear.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jay Cutler. And I was like, who are you taking? And you're like, we're gonna take a defensive end. We're taking Mario Williams. And we were. I remember Chad and I were in the truck.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We were like, who the. And you were like, it was just crazy to watch your coach brain then because you go, well, we're in the AFC south with Peyton Manning, so you need pressure on Peyton Manning. That's what Kubiak believes. And I was like, fuck, yeah. And now what's crazy is Kubiak's kids are coaching against you. You know, like, you're gonna play Kubiak son twice this season.

[B]

Yeah, I have a. I have, like, a direct, strong relationship with every offensive play caller west of Arizona.

[A]

That's crazy, Vegas, because to me, it's like football to us is going to the Rick Neuheisel camp in 1995, and we're excited. We get to meet Rashawn Salaam, R.I.P.

[B]

yeah.

[A]

Or Michael Westbrook, who, like, comes and plays 7v7 with all the campers. So I was doing. This is crazy, but I was doing press for something for like, a show in Houston, right? And I get on this morning talk show, and I'm talking to one of the guys, and he's former Houston Texan linebacker Ted Johnson, who played for the Patriots. And I was like, you went to see you. I'm on the phone, I'm like, doing the interview. And he goes, I did go to see you. And I was like, you were a coach at Rick Neuheisel's football camp. And he was like, yeah, we had to be coaches. Yeah, we were like, on the team.

[B]

You don't remember me? You didn't pay attention to me.

[A]

That's what I said. I go. I go, dude, I was one of your linebackers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he was like, no, you weren't. And I was like, yeah, dude, you were our linebacker coach at that camp. And I go, do you know who else was at that camp? And it was right when you took Miami job. I go, head coach, Miami Dolphins. Mike McDaniel. And to me, that's what's crazy is like, we're just at a football camp stealing Oreos from the lunch place to take back to the dorms.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's like all we were concerned about.

[B]

We knew how to scavenge.

[A]

We knew how to scavenge. And again, kids, what's the lesson? Don't get caught. It always not illegal for you. But we would. But I. It's like, to me, that's always. To me, that's like what football is for us. It's like this summer camp where it's fun as hell. We're staying in Boulder for four days, and then we go back home to the birds.

[B]

Well, I went to your work yesterday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what was that for me as probably the garage. I mean, to watch.

[A]

But it goes back to the garage of just getting like.

[B]

But it also means, like, I appreciate and I remember all like. Like, not only your performances, but then your self critique of your performances over a long period.

[A]

Of time. Yeah.

[B]

And I know that you're working at it and to see the, you know, what you'd expect in terms of results from how much you've put in and watch it come to life. It's like, you know, every time you're always improving with, in some way, shape or form to like give to. To be with the audience and make it like the garage.

[A]

Exactly. Because, like, it's always when it comes back to you, just the thing the most.

[B]

Thousands of people at the same time.

[A]

Yeah. You know, but it really comes back to like that moment where you're like, oh, this is just what it is. It's just a heightened version of this thing.

[B]

That's just a social orgy. Right.

[A]

Stand up is this.

[B]

And you got to be a generous lover, bro.

[A]

Yeah, bro.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a key party. Yeah. And everyone's.

[B]

But you got a lot of work to do. You're really doing all the work.

[A]

You gotta do all the work. But you know what was really fun last night was, you know, shout out to Shane for having us at amazing me on the show. Him. And he's the best. But it was really cool. And what I loved watching your coach brain watch was watching him run his Kevin Hart roast jokes because, like almost running them like a play. And you were loving them. But the coolest part was Mike Lawrence, who's one of the writers for Shane, was backstage with us. And I've known Mike for 20 years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I got to tell. I got this one right.

[B]

This is when my brain was leaking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I was like, what is.

[A]

But I was like, that's the guy that wrote the joke. Well, then watch him go.

[B]

I'm watching him do his art and he's like, no, I'm gonna. I'm really gonna make sure these joke jokes crush because I'm gonna do them and pay a lot of attention.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like all the nuances to the art of stand up comedy.

[A]

Yeah. Watching my.

[B]

So cool.

[A]

Yeah. Watching Mike Lawrence, like, watch the jokes that wrote and him like telling me how Shane made it better or like what he did to the joke to like. But that was very fun to have you because, you know, you and Nick were back there. And I was like, oh, you got it. But you got to listen to this. And that's why I was telling Mike Lawrence. I was like, hey, this is my buddy. He's, you know, it's like one of my. I didn't tell you what you do, but I was just like, he's fascinated with joke writing. And Mike Lawrence was like, I'll tell you about my joke. You know, like, I wrote this joke and this. It was. It was fucking in just in my life. It was cool to put you and Mike Lawrence together and go like, hey, this guy is a fucking world class play caller. And play, like, designs place. And this guy's one of the best joke writers in the game. So it's, like, fun to introduce you to a person that doesn't do the same thing you do. But there are parallels in what you do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're both autistic on a certain level.

[B]

Have to be.

[A]

Have to be. Have to be.

[B]

What are you willing to do for success?

[A]

Give up social grace.

[B]

Taste the tiz, you know, Taste of

[A]

the tiz to get to the top. Taste of tiz to get to the top. And don't get caught. Dude, I told my mom I was doing the podcast, and I was like, I don't know if I want you to watch this because I might admit stuff, but honestly, it's just like one of the coolest moments of our lives was. And I'll never forget this because, you know, you're a coach in the NFL and you go Houston, you go, you coach in Sacramento with Dennis Green, and then you jump and you go to Washington, then Cleveland, Atlanta. So I'm always, like, bouncing with you to all these teams, dude.

[B]

Every single team. You have a fourth of the National Football League.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Excess brand and teamwear.

[A]

Yeah. Teamwork, access. You've wrote every. Every city. But then the coolest shit was you texted me and you were like, bro, I'm a 49er. When Kyle and you went from Atlanta

[B]

to San Francisco, I was very excited to send that text.

[A]

I still have. I have a screen grab.

[B]

I knew, I knew it was still. I knew in classic only child, you know, dreamland.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The world is revolving around me.

[A]

It's happening. But this thing that you said, be patient, and I did, you said, but back in the day, when I would. When I'd crack, when I'd stay at your house all the time, you know, you're a Broncos house. Gary worked for the Broncos. You were a ball boy. Your mom was. Was all in on the orange and blue. And your mom always used to tease me when I would stay your house because I'd wear 49er stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She would always go, you're wearing the wrong colors. But in, like, a fun way. Not in, like a mean way. Like, you know. You know, around here we wear orange and blue. And I'm in my 49ers stuff. Loved it. Whatever. So Mike's in the NFL. You know, I see your mom in other places, but then I remember specifically, it was the Thanksgiving game of the first season. You guys were in San Francisco. Jimmy G. It's when Beathard got injured. You put in Jimmy G. It was that game. But I show up. That was the first home game I got to go to with you on the staff of the 49ers. And I remember I showed up and I saw your mom, and she was wearing 49ers stuff. And the first thing she said to me is she goes, I'm finally wearing the right colors. And I was like, call back, Donna. That's a hell of a callback. That was like. That was like a 30 year callback that she nailed. And I was like, let's go, Niners. It was awesome. And now it's bolt up. I like learning the new sayings when I go. When I. When he goes to a different team, I learn. Yeah, but I'm happy. And I said this on part of my take, but it's true. I'm happy to be reunited with the Harbaugh family. Phrase, right? Who's got it better than us?

[B]

No, I told. I told Coach Harbaugh about that, like, within the first hour, because really, it was such a memory of that. I think we. As in. I think, Dan. We were still drinking it.

[A]

Yes, we were. And I had just done.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was in Washington, D.C. yeah.

[B]

And it was just like. It was Packers.

[A]

Packers, Niners. That was the game where Colin Kaepernick went off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For like two, 268 rushing and like three or under three throwing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Set a record. Playoff record.

[B]

And the whole street knew that saying, because I was. And you were on the front. You were on the front end of it.

[A]

I was very.

[B]

Streaming it.

[A]

And I'm gonna tell you what happened also what had happened, because I was with a buddy of ours that went to Smoky Hill. He lived in D.C. rIP Luke. He passed away. But we were drinking during the day, and this guy came into the bar and was selling NFL jerseys. And I bought a Vernon Davis 49ers jersey. And that night at the show. Yeah, I had it under my shirt. And the 49ers won. And I ripped it. I was like, who's got it on stage, dude? Like, after my act, I was like, who's got it better than us? Nobody. That was screaming that out. Dude, that rules. Most hungover train ride I've ever had in my life was after that game after we hung out that night.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I took a train back to New York City and I was really hungry.

[B]

That's.

[A]

But now we don't drink. And now we can wake up early.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now we enjoy candy. You know what's very funny?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

When I saw you at topgolf when you were Atlanta and you had quit drinking. I think I was maybe two years sober at that time. Of quitting drinking. What's crazy is what brought us back to our middle school friendship when you quit drinking. You love candy. Yep. You just love candy.

[B]

No.

[A]

And immediately we're back to both of

[B]

us being like, same, same.

[A]

Oh, you like candy. Dude, it's fucking crazy.

[B]

Have you tried this new candy?

[A]

Yeah, dude. It really became instantly like, yo, what candy are you.

[B]

Are you on that High Chew stuff?

[A]

You were putting me on. You're the one that put me on the High Chews.

[B]

Of course I did.

[A]

Holy shit. I forgot. I'm sorry. To all the exes I dated when I was. And by the way, Katie was the one that got me off High Chew. She's like, you eat this shit at a crazy rate. But you had them at Yale.

[B]

Yeah, but have you hit the caramel high Chews?

[A]

Yes. The ones with the caramel in the middle?

[B]

No, just. It's caramel flavor. It's just commitment to caramel. It's like, think soft Werther's Original.

[A]

Because that's what I was doing was the Werther Original caramel apples, Grandpa. Which are. Yeah, dude. I don't care, though. I'm sorry. I'm starting to love hard candies. I'm starting to get real into love. And by the way, I know you're a jelly bean guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We could go. We could. We could turn this into a three hour podcast and we'll talk jelly beans because.

[B]

Oh, what do you know about jelly beans, brother?

[A]

You just missed jelly. You just missed bean season. Bean fest. Bean fest. Bean feast is Easter. I want a bean feast. Can we get that from Charlie and the chocolate factory? I'm gonna have a bean feast. They do Skittles, does jelly bean during Easter.

[B]

Which is.

[A]

I mean, not only do they.

[B]

The kids are so lucky these days.

[A]

Welch's does Jolly Rancher jelly beans.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Try them out. What? Jolly Rancher.

[B]

Two different things.

[A]

Welcome to the post. Welcome to 2026, man. In the future, we don't have flying cars. We got Jolly Rancher jelly beans. That would be us coming to the future. Going back, like, crashing one of our. The sleepovers in seventh Grade and being like, hey, we're old you. We're old Mike and Dan, they go, what's 2026?

[B]

Like, only information coach.

[A]

And I'm a standard comedian. Are there flying cars? No, but there are Jolly Rancher jelly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, I mean, dude, bean feast.

[B]

Quite honestly, don't hold it against us there. No one knows what the future is going to bring. Dude. Back to the future. Didn't even know cell phones were going to exist.

[A]

What a miss. What an Absolute miss.

[B]

85.

[A]

Do you think. Do you think someone's throwing. And by the way, cell phones kind of were around in 85. I just don't think they thought they were gonna catch on. Well, remember car phones?

[B]

They didn't see this coming.

[A]

Your mom had a car phone and she did. In the Jeep Grand Cherokee. Yep. When she worked at JCPenney. Yep. And I remember watching you make a call out of that. I was like, what is this science shit?

[B]

No, it's very good for calls to and from home to destination.

[A]

Great.

[B]

That's. But it's. It's specific to that. No more.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But honestly, stays in the car. If I'm rebooking how we own the time you got caught. We should have done the voicemail from your mom's car phone. Then we would have been untouchable. Then they would have been like, this is an unreachable number. What is this? A phone in a car. Yeah, we would have been.

[B]

But then at that point, what boundaries would have held us.

[A]

Then we would have been lost to the nothingness of a boundary. This life.

[B]

Turn the page. We're seniors wearing capes and shit.

[A]

Yeah. Dude, I've been waiting to have you on this podcast forever. I love you.

[B]

I'm honored, man.

[A]

It's just. It's like. I truly felt like some people didn't believe I was friends with you because the way that I talk about it, and they're like, I don't think this guy actually knows my.

[B]

Prove it.

[A]

Prove it. Sorry for when I get loud, when I get mad at people talking shit about you, but I'm always gonna do that. And most importantly, shout out to Chad for being the third member of the trifecta who we love. Who we love. Your big, strong legs. And he did. Good luck this season.

[B]

He got. He educated himself kicking for real.

[A]

He got an education for.

[B]

That's a hustle.

[A]

Out of a ball.

[B]

That's a hustle.

[A]

Good luck this season.

[B]

Appreciate it.

[A]

Can I still get that Marion Butts Jersey?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Number 36.

[B]

Hold the Marion.

[A]

It.