139: RESIN ROT with Sarah Sherman | Soder Podcast | EP 136

Summary

Soder Podcast Episode 139: "Resin Rot" with Sarah Sherman (June 16, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively episode of the Soder Podcast, comedian Dan Soder sits down with special guest Sarah Sherman (SNL cast member, comedian) for an unfiltered, hilarious, and sometimes profound conversation. The episode explores childhood pet trauma, therapy, sports fandom, video game addiction, the psyche of comedians, bodily function history, and parent-child awkwardness, all told through the duo’s sharp banter. From absurd diarrhea theories to genuine moments of vulnerability, Soder and Sherman bounce between jokes and serious reflections, rarely finishing a story without a tangent, but always keeping things entertaining.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pets, Childhood, and Parental Dynamics

• Sarah grew up without pets due to “very Jewish parents” who didn’t want extra responsibility. Dan jokes about “never being canceled except by his dog” after his dog Myrtle licks Sarah’s mouth.
  • “Jewish parents who are like, I don't want to take care of anything.” (Sarah, 02:42)
• Dan’s journey to his current lifestyle (living in a nice apartment after years in Queens, marrying a woman with an Emmy) contrasted with younger, wealthier city dwellers.
• Myrtle the dog becomes an ongoing character and comic foil throughout the show, leading to running jokes about "mouth rape" and dog apologies.

2. Comedy, Therapy, and Familial Wounds

• Both hosts discuss their therapy experiences, particularly as comedians from tough or emotionally reserved backgrounds.
  • “Twice a week, please. And he tried to get me five.” (Sarah on therapy intensity, 21:42)
• Dan shares stories about his deep voice intimidating children and his own emotional journey to make his father laugh.
  • "That's been the fuel source. How do you not diagnose that early on in your career?" (Dan, 21:24)
  • "That's why all these people are, like, back in the 40s, they're doing drugs, like... because they didn't have therapy." (Sarah, 21:30)
• The hosts note the difficulty of avoiding unintentionally harming children as parents and why neither are eager to become parents themselves.

3. Sports, Fandom, and Emotional Connections

• Sports as male emotional language: Both reflect on how sports allowed them to connect with their fathers, and the emotional release sports offers.
  • “Men are allowed to be emotional together... it’s allowed to, like, hug.” (Dan, 41:12)
• Radio City and Madison Square Garden: Both comedians share experiences performing in huge venues, expressing awe at the scale and occasional absurdity of show business.
  • "You come, like, from the side of the stage, and the reveal is, like, shocking."(Dan, 10:21)

4. Video Games, Addictive Behaviors, and Gender

• Sarah’s boyfriend is addicted to "Slay the Spire", sparking a conversation about gaming addiction, lizard energy, and why neither ever had a gecko.
  • “This is, like, famously... everybody’s literally addicted to this game.” (Sarah on Slay the Spire, 27:01)
• The difference in gendered experiences of gaming: Sarah didn't grow up with games and pokes fun at the idea of "virgin losers," while Dan recalls being a "computer nerd."
  • "If you played like computer games, you were, you could be a nerd. But now it’s like everyday Joe’s... right. Be gaming."(Dan, 34:34)

5. Childhood Anecdotes and Bodily Functions

• Diarrhea throughout history: Dan posits comedic “diarrhea history” as a missing perspective from history books, imagining founding fathers suffering at key moments.
  • “We don’t think about in history how much diarrhea was happening during important events...” (Dan, 23:41)
• Weird public school stories: Sarah shares a high school health class story where a pregnant girl asks, "Why does cum taste salty?" (45:14)

6. Dreams, Weed, and Surreal Experiences

• Both talk about weed’s impact on dreams and anxiety, recounting how quitting weed leads to wild dream recall; Sarah broke her weed sobriety on a tour bus due to sleeplessness.
  • "Weed is the hardest drug known to man. It's harder than crack."(Sarah, 50:05)
  • "I had to sit up in bed with my feet on the ground. Like in TV shows where they're like... oh, to be grounded."(Dan, 36:53)
• Discussion of twitchy dream therapists and the dark territory of recurring nightmares.

7. Dark Side of Fandom & Media

• Chris Benoit wrestling tragedy: Sarah brings up sports movies and wonders why Benoit's story hasn't been depicted; Dan details why it’s too dark even for TV.
  • "[Benoit] put his... he like, killed his kids, like, exercise equipment..." (Dan, 54:13)
  • "This is a movie."(Sarah, 57:15)
• Both joke about wrestling’s "porn setup" for podcasts and acknowledge the morbid but true crime appeal.

8. Music and Celebrity Encounters

• Favorite bands come up: “Fleetwood Mac, I guess.” (Sarah, 59:30)
• Dan recounts accidentally meeting Macho Man Randy Savage; Sarah recalls freaking out meeting Lindsay Buckingham.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On therapy & emotional damage:
  • “You remember how you love video games? Well, now I have to be choked to come.” (Dan, 43:41)
  • “If you're depressed, go walk it out. If you're hungry, eat a piece of cheese. If you're thirsty, eat an Altoid.” (Sarah, 22:48)
• On comedians and parents:
  • “No one that has parents doesn’t have some damage.” (Dan, 43:26)
• On major sporting events:
  • “It was the streets... filled with men hugging each other.” (Dan, 41:34)
• On women in standup:
  • “He added me last minute, cuz, you know, that’s how you guys always add women to your shows. Last minute.” (Sarah, 10:47)
• On pets and lizard girls:
  • “Your energy being a lizard Girl makes sense.” (Dan, 06:48)
  • “Girls with snakes are trauma victims.” (Dan, 35:11)
• On bodily function history:
  • “You gotta write Dan Soder’s like, diarrhea, Diarrhea history America.” (Sarah, 24:13)
• On weed escalation:
  • “Weed is the hardest drug known to man. It’s harder than crack. I can't do it. It's literally harder than crack.” (Sarah, 50:05)
• On wrestling tragedy:
  • “They did a tribute to him on Monday Night Raw after he killed his whole family.”(Dan, 56:12)
  • “Whose song was ‘Ace of Spades’?” (Sarah, 57:31)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:39] - Sarah’s upbringing and pets
• [04:24] - Parental relationships and a desire for pets
• [06:33] - Lizard energy and gecko conversation
• [09:52] - Performing at iconic venues and the surprise of big crowds
• [21:24] - The engine of seeking parental approval for comedians
• [23:41] - Diarrhea in American history as comic theory
• [27:01] - Video game addiction and partners
• [35:11] - Girls with snakes, lizard girl logic
• [41:12] - Male emotionality through sports
• [45:14] - High school health class awkwardness
• [50:05] - Weed as the “hardest drug known to man”
• [54:17] - Chris Benoit and the darkness of wrestling history
• [59:30] - Favorite bands and musical celebrity encounters

---

Tone & Language

The entire episode is high-energy and irreverent, marked by constant asides, inside jokes, and a willingness to toggle between personal vulnerability and abject silliness. Sherman and Soder riff with an almost aggressive friendliness, never shying from the awkward or taboo, but also dropping genuine insights on relationships, mental health, and the quirks of show business.

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Summary

In "Resin Rot," Dan Soder and Sarah Sherman roam through the odd map of their comedic and personal lives, dissecting everything from therapy and parental hang-ups to the micro-traumas of never being allowed a pet. Their conversation seamlessly weaves between self-deprecating jokes, heartfelt admissions, and oddball observations about sports, bodily functions, and media obsessions. Even if you’ve never seen Soder’s standup or Sarah’s SNL sketches, their chemistry is instantly relatable and inviting. This episode is a must-listen for fans of raw, offbeat, and introspective comedy conversations.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, sweetie. Your mother showed me this Carvana thing for selling the car. I'm gonna give it a try. Wish me luck. Me again. I put in the license plate. It gave me an offer. Unbelievable. Okay, I accepted the offer. They're picking it up Tuesday from the driveway. I haven't even left my chair.

[B]

It's done.

[A]

The car is gone. I'm holding a check anyway. Carvana, give it a whirl. Love ya.

[B]

So good you'll want to leave a voicemail about it. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up. Fees may apply.

[A]

Hey, everybody. Thanks for watching the podcast. We are currently on our way back from San Francisco while this episode comes out. And so I want to thank everybody for being at the taping of the Netflix special come July, right? Back on the road, July 16th through the 18th. I'm going to be at New York Comedy Club in Stanford and then Montreal, just for laughs. I'm going to be there July 25th at Club Soda do in an hour. So it's going to be, you know, mostly the Netflix hour. If you didn't hear it, I didn't go to Montreal on the tour. Plus some new jokes. But then after that, it's all me working on new stuff. So I will see you in Albany July 31st and 1st at the Albany Funny Bone. And then I will be. Just go to dancer.com. what am I doing? Just go to dancer.com. after Albany, go to dancer.com. it's all there. We all put it up. But I'm on the road working on a new hour, so come check it out. I hope you like it. There's gonna be some real humdingers on there. It's gonna be some real shitty ones, too. So just come see it. Come watch it get birthed. Watch me push them out on the road. But thank you for watching the podcast.

[B]

Oh, you're okay. Don't. All right. See? Lick my mouth. You licked my mouth.

[A]

People are like, why do you put Myrtle in the kettle? She's a fuck. Bravo.

[B]

Oh, lick my mouth all over. His dog sexually assaulted me.

[A]

I get the first. I get the first cancel of because of my dog.

[B]

Have you been canceled yet?

[A]

I think that's only for people that work with networks, right? People that where you have a boss, right? I think like, Mike, it'd be funny if you canceled me, Mike. If homeless pimp was like, you're done. No more podcasting. But how am I gonna sell my

[B]

wares to ruin my wife's nice apartment?

[A]

First off, licked me on my apartment.

[B]

See I never grew up with dogs. I don't have a dog. I. So whenever they, like, do like that, it's shocking to me.

[A]

It. You really.

[B]

I never grew up with a dog. Never had anything.

[A]

Did you have a cat?

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

No animals.

[B]

Jewish parents who are like, I don't want to take care of anything.

[A]

The danda.

[B]

The danda.

[A]

They were like, no, Dan. Where did you grow up?

[B]

Long Island.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I forgot. We talked about your dad loving sports. Yeah. Yeah, you did. There he is. Yeah. WWE love it.

[B]

Michael Che took us.

[A]

Did he?

[B]

And we got free socks.

[A]

Did you get to see Michael Che nerd out about wrestling?

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

It's very fun.

[B]

Isn't it really cute?

[A]

I go to wrestling with him.

[B]

You weren't there. You weren't at Monday Night Raw. I got a hat and a backpack and socks. It's.

[A]

I've been. He took me to Monday Night Raw. See that chair right there? I got that chair with Michael. Chef.

[B]

I got a chair, too.

[A]

Isn't it cool? I got, like, five of them.

[B]

I gave it to a teenager whom.

[A]

That's probably what I should have done.

[B]

Yeah, but instead you kept it for

[A]

your teenage self as a giant child. I kept it.

[B]

Jealous that you live over here. I want to live over here.

[A]

Like, move over here. I don't think there's, like, kids in my building that. It disgusts me how young they are that they live in this building.

[B]

Like, it's there. It's like they're. They went from Murray Hill to here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you go like, it took me 15 years living under a train in Queens, and I had to get on a successful television show for seven years, and then I had to marry a woman with an Emmy.

[B]

Good for her. I love her. She's so beautiful.

[A]

She was very mad she wasn't here today.

[B]

Is she at work?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel the dog slime on my face.

[A]

Oh, you still do. Oh. I'm going to have to explain that Myrtle assaulted you to Katie. So were you. Did you ever, as a kid, want to, like, a pet? Did you ever, like, do the thing where you're like, for my birthday, can I have a puppy?

[B]

I knew better to ask for anything

[A]

that sounds almost abusive where you're like, I knew. Well, I knew the hand of my father would strike me.

[B]

Podcast started.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You were fidgeting around so much, I. I wasn't even sure.

[A]

I probably should have told you. We just start recording. This is Sarah Sherman. She's crazy talented. Watch everything she does.

[B]

I'll take It.

[A]

Yeah, I.

[B]

Well, I wanted. I think I wanted a dog, but my parents were like, well, who's going to wipe its ass?

[A]

You Just very Jewish parents responses. Well, then they're going to bite something of great value.

[B]

Yeah, no, exactly. And they were. And of course, I'm very Jewish as well.

[A]

Yeah. What if that changed all of a sudden? What? You go, he got very icy.

[B]

When you found out all of a sudden, your dog that sexually assaulted me.

[A]

She kissed you on the face.

[B]

She slimed on my face. On my mouth. She slimed on my mouth.

[A]

She slimed your mouth, dude.

[B]

And so it's.

[A]

It was experience.

[B]

Nice. Dude. We're Eskimo with brothers with your dog. Oh, my God.

[A]

We've both been slimed by that fat slut.

[B]

Hey, she's right over there.

[A]

She was just chilling right there. She likes it. Sometimes I talk to my dog and people will go like, hey. And I'm like, it's a dog, right? Because I go, what's up, you fat dumbass? Let's go outside.

[B]

They can speak English, can't they?

[A]

Sometimes I feel like they can sometimes

[B]

tell them you tell them stuff, and they go like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna go do that.

[A]

I think they just know sounds. The repetitive sounds of, like, up on the. Like, up. You know, she, like, knows the jump, right? Because sometimes I'll be like, hey, I'm gonna leave for a little bit and come back. And then I come back and she's like, thought you were dead. I thought you were fucking dead, dude.

[B]

I want to know the love of an animal.

[A]

This is what I mean.

[B]

I know. I really do.

[A]

Katie didn't grow up with a dog. She always loved dogs, but she never grew up with one. So when we got this one, she's

[B]

experiencing love in a whole. You know, like, people talk about, like, you have to have a kid because you've never known a love like this.

[A]

Yeah. I think some of us are so broken that a dog will do.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. It's like, I'm pretty sure I could understand what a different kind of human love is. Like an animal's love.

[A]

Pretty good.

[B]

Sounds pretty. I want a. Me and my boyfriend kind of floated the idea of a gecko.

[A]

Can I tell. Can I say this?

[B]

It's smiles.

[A]

Can I say this? Can I say this in a. And I mean this in no, please, very positive way.

[B]

And don't say, my haircut looks like I already have a gecko. And don't say no. No.

[A]

Your energy being a lizard Girl makes sense.

[B]

I see. This is the one you say. I knew you were gonna say that.

[A]

You have lizard energy and it just makes sense in a good way.

[B]

I knew you were gonna say that.

[A]

This. Before we go. No, just let him on you like you let something on you by like, oh, he's cute.

[B]

Look, he's wearing a hat.

[A]

Yeah, no, but that's fun, I think. Get it where you can get it.

[B]

But this is my fear. What do you mean? Oh, like, like tank people.

[A]

Eddie downstairs. That cool dude you love?

[B]

I like him. Fish dude, the door guy. Because he's got a door guy.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, I do. I'm 42 years old.

[B]

Why the first thing I said to you was, you're rich.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I live in a nice place, but I live with no kids, dual income.

[B]

I know.

[A]

What's up? What's up?

[B]

What's up? Everyone I know is pregnant right now.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Everyone I know is finding out what ailments their children have. The, the, the. The ice is thawed on the toddler ears. They're going. I think they have a violent streak right now. All my friends are. I'm very lucky. Knock on wood. All my friends kids are healthy and happy, but they are getting to like, most of them are in school now.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Because I'm. I'm in my 40s, so my friends are all like, hey, but what is great about being the friend with no kids?

[B]

Right?

[A]

They're fun to hang with. Now I come in with a chaos that they go like, I love this.

[B]

Well, your voice is so shocking that I feel like if I was a kid and I heard that I would like. You would be the most faint. You would be a celebrity to me just because your voice is.

[A]

Thunder man is here. Yeah, Thunder man came to our house.

[B]

House.

[A]

And he knows my dad and he

[B]

talks to me and like, if you're so small and down here. And then a big guy with the craziest voice in America. Because your voice does come from where thunder comes from, which for a kid is the sky.

[A]

Thor of voiceovers. Yeah, I. This is a real story. I used. I went to Thanksgiving with Joe List and his family in Massachusetts. And, you know, great drinking or whatever. He's got a huge Irish family. His cousins come over. They have a two year old. And I go, hi, how are you? And she went like, my voice, the

[B]

voice of God scared her.

[A]

And she was like. I mean, I think she's like 16 now, but I remember being like, she

[B]

could never look at you. This.

[A]

Yeah, I was like, oh, I felt like a monster. I was like, have you ever seen,

[B]

like, a tchotchke on the shelf rattle because you spoke too loudly?

[A]

That's how I make them dance. All those men dance when I talk.

[B]

Literally, when we did that show together

[A]

at Radio City, we both set. We both opened for starve at Radio City Music hall and.

[B]

Say it. You did more time than I did. Say it.

[A]

One woman. I think so.

[B]

Well, I, like, I was doing that thing. I find myself, like, going. Maybe it's like the, like, melatonin hangover that I feel like I have every day of my life. I just walk through my life kind of really not thinking about what I'm doing while it's happening.

[A]

So what's from the perspective of going on stage at Radio City? We got there late, and Radio City is a giant for people to understand. It's giant. Just a dome, but it's a dome that you look and it's just a wall of people. Yes.

[B]

Tall and skinny, just like us.

[A]

Come on. You like it. Like, energy. We like it. We like it. But you come, like, from the side of the stage in the reveal. The reveal is, like, shocking.

[B]

It's shock. And I said, like, I wasn't.

[A]

I was like, oh. Like, it opens up in a way that you're like, what? And I've been lucky to do other big venues because of my friends. Madison Square Garden machine.

[B]

Crazy. Brag. Just crazy. My friends.

[A]

My friends have the biggest rooms. I don't. My friends the biggest rooms.

[B]

You live in a pretty nice apartment.

[A]

I had to live in Queens for 15 years.

[B]

I know. That's right.

[A]

It was a payoff. I'll take this apartment. I earn this.

[B]

There's something about, like, when you go to Madison Square Garden, though, you're like, you have to walk around such a big circle to get to a door, you know, it's huge. But something about Radio City, you're like, I just got off the train and I ended up here. And I, like, wasn't thinking. He added me last minute, cuz, you know, that's how you guys always add women to your shows. Last minute.

[A]

Fine, fine. Put a chick on.

[B]

Is that even a chick? I can't tell.

[A]

I'm so mad. My friends have wives. My fan friends have wives. Here's one for the ladies.

[B]

Hey, y', all, what's up with shopping?

[A]

Give a couple receipts, then get your ass off stage.

[B]

Women do be shopping. Women do be shopping.

[A]

What if that's how you freed society from podcasts? It was like, it happened where there's like, at the podcast center. They're like, something's happening.

[B]

Joe Rogan shoots himself in the head because I said it.

[A]

I'm in my bunker, bro. Just bullets. Alpha brain. Is this just on the window?

[B]

Because I said the one thing that broke the sound barrier. Women do. And I can in fact attest as someone who just not to brag, got off an airplane. And I came from traveling and emerging, my suitcase was overweight because I did be shopping. Girl problems.

[A]

But you're right. You come into the.

[B]

You're just like, come off the train. I'm like.

[A]

And where they have you come in is like a tiny hallway. You go in a weird elevator, like your cattle. And then I let you out, and I'm like.

[B]

And I sat. Like, I wasn't thinking, and I was just like, oh, yeah, I'm doing Stop Show. Put on, like, the worst outfit of all time. I saw. And then I just like. We were all talk. First of all, I couldn't find the green room. And so I'm, like, looking all over for the green room. And then I like, have you guys seen wwe?

[A]

To be done.

[B]

Really good.

[A]

Honestly, it's.

[B]

I was actually. I was on the way here, I was, like, nervous. I was like, he's so fast. Yeah, you come. You have analogies very fast.

[A]

I was a lonely child.

[B]

So you were sitting thinking about analogies.

[A]

Just building them. I was just building analogies. I was talking to Katie, and I was like, dude, Sarah absolutely is the girl that in high school, we would have a group project together, and then we become fast friends.

[B]

No.

[A]

Where it would be like, after the project, and I'd be like, we made some other girl do most of the work while we were having fun. Get around making fun of people. Where I go, oh, you know, it's like, absolutely. When I hung out with you after Stavi show, I was like, that's how it felt. I was like.

[B]

I felt like we were hanging out. I kind of was like. I was like, I'm doing your podcast. Right? And you were like, yeah. And then I realized I don't actually think you asked me to do your podcast.

[A]

I just assume it was funny as it was in the works.

[B]

It was in the works.

[A]

She was there. And I was like, I'll start.

[B]

We were hanging out, and I was kind of like, I don't remember.

[A]

I think that is a genius way to get booked, though.

[B]

I'm pretty sure I'm doing your podcast.

[A]

What if I. I think that's actually kind of a way to go, like,

[B]

hanging out, having fun, just hanging around,

[A]

and be like, so what am I doing? Your podcast?

[B]

And they go, oh, yeah, we're, like, hanging out on camera. Right?

[A]

But you did the bus with Stav.

[B]

Yes, I. I broke my weed sobriety on the bus.

[A]

What made you want to do that?

[B]

I couldn't sleep in the coffin. I was getting shook.

[A]

People either really sleep really well on tour buses or I don't.

[B]

No.

[A]

The second it stops moving, I'm gonna

[B]

say the most offensive thing that's ever been said in the history of microphones and cameras. I believe if you. I know.

[A]

It's summer and it's time to go swimming, dude, it's swim. Time to get your cannonball out. Shave your back, get ready to jump in the pool. 40 year old. Did you just hear my breath right there? I, like, sucked in. In my throat. My throat skin hit it. I was like, listen, chubby shorts. I got a pair a couple years ago when we were on the Fully Loaded tour with Bert, and I was like, what are these shorts? I just liked the pattern they were. And then I swam with them for a summer, and I was like, oh, these are my shorts. Then I found out you can adjust the thigh length, which maybe you got great thighs if you have powerful quads. You're gonna love Chubby's swim trunks. They're gonna show off that little fold over the knee. Unfortunately for me, stick legs, so I go with the longer ones. But I still love them. They dry quickly. They let me go from, you know, jumping in the pool to having a hot dog on the side of Jay's pool, completely dry in no time. That's the best. Oh, I love that. Summer's back. It's going to be so fun. It's going to be hot as hell, but with some Chubby shorts, you're going to be looking nice going swimming. So don't wait for a very limited time. Shop Chubby's biggest sale of the season for $45 and under for swim trunks, shorts and pants, plus up to 65% off clearance. All you got to do is hit up Chubby shorts dot com. Grab your favorites before they're gone. If you missed the sale, don't sweat it. Use our exclusive code. This is very exclusive. You want to know what it is? Sodor 20. Yeah, I put that together myself for 20% off. Give your thighs the VIP treatment they deserve with Chubby's Support our show and tell them that we sent you factor meals is here. Listen, there is. As you get older, you need to start eating vegetables. That's what I'm learning in my 40s. I know that's something a child probably knows, but you need to start having some big, some big kid meals. You need some vitamins, some nice, you know, cut down the red meats. Maybe just get a nice protein based diet. Mediterranean will use factor meals because they can build around your goals. If it's weight loss, if it's overall nutrition, that's mine. More protein. Every meal is crafted and with functional ingredients and factor bands. 175 plus ingredients. No artificial colors or sweeteners, no high fructose corn syrup, no refined seed oils. Just nutrition. Dense food, fresh, never frozen. Over a hundred rotating weekly meals including globally inspired flavors. Like I said, Mediterranean and Asian. They want us to read it like that, but it is funny just to go and Asian. So there's always something you're going to look forward to. Head to factor meals.com Soder 50 off. Use the code SODOR50OFF to get 50 off. And free daily greens per box with new subscriptions only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details.

[B]

I believe. Wow. You've been stunned silent. I. I believe if you sleep well on a tour bus, that might be evidence of a chaotic womb.

[A]

You're saying it's like, let's take it. Let's take it back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To let's take it back to the 80s.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Someone's mom is pregnant. Yeah. Doesn't maybe no first trimester.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Jazz or exercising, stepping, pulling. As Katie likes to quote when she talks about Jane Fonda's workout tapes. Very controlled.

[B]

Very controlled, very mindful, very relaxed.

[A]

You're saying the baby getting sloshed around.

[B]

Do a little crack, do a little math, go to the club, hop around dancing.

[A]

And then they're like, I can't sleep. And then they put them on a tour bus and it returns them to their chaotic womb.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So what happened? So you're saying we had normal wounds?

[B]

Yes. Thank you, mom.

[A]

Thanks, mom.

[B]

Thank. I actually was doing crazy in the

[A]

womb, by the way, like backflips.

[B]

I saved my mom from the first nine. 11.

[A]

I don't believe this. From the 1997 bombing of the World Trade Center.

[B]

93. But thank you for thinking I'm 21 or whatever. That's why you're my friend. There was a bombing.

[A]

Yeah. In the parking garage. Yes.

[B]

And my mom was working there at the time. I'm kicking in the womb. She's going, I don't feel good. I'm not gonna come into work today.

[A]

Damn. And then those guys with the U Hauls down in the basement, huh? Damn.

[B]

And how old were you when that happened?

[A]

I was 10 years old.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I was already in the Freedom Force. I was sent in to fight them when that attack happened, you know what happened? They came out to my ranch in Colorado. They landed with a helicopter and they said I had a toothpick in. And they said, you're the most dangerous 10 year old in the world.

[B]

And they said, we think, we believe that. 9, 11, 1 just happened.

[A]

And I went, I've been playing Nerf guns with my friends in the street for this. Is there a staircase I can hide up?

[B]

You were SEAL team.

[A]

Yeah. That would have been a 90s comedy movie where they're like, they're Navy SEALs, but they're 10. The worst thing they gotta worry about isn't Al Qaeda.

[B]

It's puberty.

[A]

It's boners.

[B]

Was your voice like this when you were 10?

[A]

Yeah, I had a deep voice. My voice was so deep that this is like, you know, obviously before the Internet or whatever, I used to love action figures. Shout out. Still put him up on the bookcase.

[B]

After all he's done. After all he's done.

[A]

He sucks. He does suck. But it. This is like, listen, you weren't there, man. You weren't there for Hulkamania in the 80s, brother. It was. It. It's. It sucks so bad how much. I know he sucks, but just being like, dude from 1 to 10 years old. I get why people are religious. Because you're like, he was my Jesus. He was just like, is there a bad guy? Well, guess what? The bad guy's gonna hurt me, right? Then I'm gonna Hulk up and do

[B]

that sound into the mic again.

[A]

He used to. My dad would. My dad would be like, drinking when we were. I would, like, rent tapes, you know, because we didn't have the money for pay per views. So we'd rent the tape, and my dad and I would, like, want to watch the Hulk Hogan match. And my dad, I always remember, would be drinking, sitting there, watching, and he thought it was so funny when Hulk. Hulk up. Do you know what hulking up is?

[B]

He take his shirt off.

[A]

No, that was the beginning. He always did that.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

But then when he was getting beat up by the bad guy, there'd be a moment where he's like, wait a second, your doesn't hurt me anymore. And then they would hit him and he'd go, you whole crowd would yell it. Big wow. My dad thought that was the funniest in the world, where he's like, what? So he's just shaking off punches and he's like. And I'd be like. Like. There was the first time I was, like, mad, where I was like, will you just let me enjoy this?

[B]

Wow. So this explains the, like, bottomless comedian black hole in your heart is you always needed to figure out how to make dad laugh. Yes. Hello.

[A]

That's been the fuel source. How do you not diagnose that early on in your career?

[B]

Oh, of course.

[A]

That's why all these people are, like, back in the 40s, they're doing drugs, like. Yeah. Because they didn't have therapy. They didn't know why they were doing all this crazy erratic.

[B]

Why are you in therapy?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What are you not, Girl, Twice a week, please.

[A]

Twice a week.

[B]

And he tried to get me five.

[A]

That's just a guy ripping you off.

[B]

Well, of course he could do whatever he wants to me. He's my therapist.

[A]

Well, now he's got his fingers in D. Are you gonna get Stevie nixed? Are you gonna have, like, 10 years of on Klonopin and then we're have to free you from.

[B]

No, that's the problem. No medication, just dream analysis. And, like, I'm like. And I'm like this too.

[A]

You lay down on the couch like that. You do the stereotypical.

[B]

I'm literally like that. I'm going like, oh, my God. This spider dream was like the symbol of the monstrous other. Like, you know, that's.

[A]

Yeah. How long have you been in therapy for?

[B]

Was the time to know forever.

[A]

Since you were a kid. Jewish parents put kids in therapy.

[B]

Not long is not Long Island. There's like a. You know, like, I. I had, like, a tough guy dad who was like, you know. You know, I was like, whoa. Run it out.

[A]

That overrides the Judaism's understanding of therapy.

[B]

Yes. Is the Long Island. Yes.

[A]

The. You know, the 12 tribes understand the importance of get. Of talking to someone, of getting your feelings out.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But the long Island.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That. That nitrous.

[B]

If you're depressed, it's like, if you're depressed, go walk it out. Yeah, exactly. If you're hungry, eat a piece of cheese. If you're thirsty, eat an Altoid. That was big.

[A]

That's really big Altoid. Can I tell you? I was always the kid that would eat stuff for attention, you know, for, like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

To be fun.

[B]

And this is the other. How you became a comedian thing. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Fifteen Altoids on the back of the bus in eighth grade and even you saying that. I was like, I think that gives

[B]

you diarrhea, doesn't it?

[A]

No, it just makes you hurt your sinuses every. It just like, oh, my God.

[B]

Horny like crazy.

[A]

I became.

[B]

If you go to the light Lifesaver sp Sugar free. The spearmint Amazon user review page, they all say that those gave them crazy diarrhea.

[A]

Well, they were doing that with. There was gummy bears.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They were taking the sugar out. And people are like, so I'm just my brains out right now. That is like, we don't think about in history how much diarrhea was happening during important events because they didn't have the refrigeration, didn't have stuff where they were like. Benjamin Franklin was like, oh, this, I'll tie this. I gotta.

[B]

Oh, this is so interesting. Howard Zinn's history and people's history of whatever. You gotta write Dan Soder's like, diarrhea, Diarrhea history America.

[A]

Like, maybe there's some iconic moments that are even more iconic because they had the trots.

[B]

Well, that's. And every iconic moment would. Must have been really stressful, which breeds. You're not Jewish at all.

[A]

No, I wish, man. I'm one of those kids.

[B]

You don't wish, dude.

[A]

When I. When I grew up, up and everybody wanted to be black, I just wanted to be Jewish so bad. My dad was. My dad was like, very funny and you know, we loved comedy and he was big into Mel Brooks. And for some reason my family, like, my dad's family, even though they're Swedish, used Yiddish.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Because they are like, it's just like,

[B]

like slangily or like, like they would use Yiddish slang. Sure.

[A]

In a way that I was like, that makes zero sense. Because they're like Episcopalian. Right. So you' know why. But a lot of like Yiddish slang was my. My dad. His dad would use and my dad would use a lot. So it was really.

[B]

You're like, I'm fluent in Yiddish, which is why I can wear your culture as my costume.

[A]

That's exactly it. But I wanted it.

[B]

You have such a. Like you. But your relationship to diarrhea is so strong. I was convinced that maybe you were one.

[A]

Oy, you go. You can't say that. You have to eat soft.

[B]

You have the past. You have the past.

[A]

You g me a bar mitzvah.

[B]

You got a bar mitzvah number one

[A]

of my past for forever. L. Oh, my God. I'm just like, now I have opinions about Israel and say, there's three cameras.

[B]

It's so very porn. All podcasts have a porn setup.

[A]

It does. It does feel like that, where you come into a room and everyone's, like, overly nice, and you go, now let's get to the nasty.

[B]

Hey, a lot of diarrhea talk white.

[A]

Don't kiss my dog.

[B]

Your dog mouthed me. Okay.

[A]

As we progress, the end of the podcast is me giving a full, sincere apology to you. With Myrtle out here, like, Myrtle, I need you to look her in the eye.

[B]

I was orally raped by a dog named Myrtle.

[A]

Myrtle did. Your old lady name.

[B]

That's cute. How did that happen?

[A]

She's named. Ah, man. She's named after a. She's named after a bot on a video game.

[B]

You know what? I just wish. Yeah, I just wish she did.

[A]

I wish.

[B]

My boyfriend's playing Slit. My boyfriend's addicted to Slay the Spire right now. Does this mean. Does not mean anything to you?

[A]

No, I'm playing Arc Raiders still, which is a different video game, but I. That's a level of, like, video gamedom that I respect. Does he play on a computer?

[B]

He was playing on a computer, and he. I keep.

[A]

When I go into the room and I see one of those hard drives with the lights on the outside, I

[B]

go, oh, he does not. I would not let that into the house. Come on. What do I look like, a lizard girl?

[A]

No, but is he. How much time is he putting in on it?

[B]

Well, I keep being like, stop. And he keeps being like, you literally don't understand. This is, like, famously. Everybody's, like, literally addicted to this game, and I'm waiting for, like, someone else to be like, no, seriously, like, do

[A]

you have to put, like, screen time restrictions?

[B]

Yeah, I. And you know how Netflix does that thing where it's like, are you still watching this? It's your girlfriend coming in the room and being, like, gaming that. I don't know. But he's like, no, you don't like. But you don't understand why it's addictive either, because you don't play it.

[A]

No, but I understand the addiction of video games. I don't think you can get into it.

[B]

I live. I. If I've had a video game controller in my hands and I've been like, whatever, you know, whatever, and been, like, too anxious that I have to throw the remote.

[A]

Really? Really.

[B]

Because it's like, I.

[A]

Did you grow up with video games?

[B]

No.

[A]

That's why people. People that grew up with video games.

[B]

I wasn't a virgin loser, so well, hold on.

[A]

People. They usually say that.

[B]

People.

[A]

Well, first off, you can get. And video games.

[B]

Well, I. I've seen. I've walked into my boyfriend playing Balder's game. I've seen the big green.

[A]

Okay, There is crazy in video games where you go. You do make this for guys that don't.

[B]

I walked in and I said, you're having sex with a big, green woman. This is cheating.

[A]

Well. Well, guess what? Balder gate defense, you like this, too. Balder gate. Baldergate is like, you got to jump in. I don't. I kind of just want to pick up my video games and play for, like, half hour, hour, maybe two, from playing arc Raiders at Huey Lewis and the news. Well, yeah, I can't bring the whole news. I can't bring the whole news to the video game. I only can bring Huey, but I. I'll play for, like, two hours and feel like good, and then I'll go do so. But Katie plays video games, too, so if she's into a video game and I'm gonna do a video game. That's what we did during the pandemic. Girls can play video games.

[B]

But what are you guys playing?

[A]

We play Rocket League. That's what Myrtle's named after. Shout out the Bot. Myrtle and Rock, which is like car soccer. Like, she. We both played Red Dead Redemption two.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We both Ghost of Tsushima during COVID

[B]

I liked watching my friends play Resident Evil.

[A]

Great, scary, spooky, very cool, very fun game. She got super into Call of Duty during COVID and was, like, nasty at it.

[B]

The thing that started Columbine or whatever

[A]

girl, as someone that was in the state during Columbine.

[B]

Oh, my God. Were you there?

[A]

I was a. Well, I wasn't at Columbine. I was at. I was at the high school two weeks before it happened. My friend's sister was playing in a high school.

[B]

You are a celebrity.

[A]

Not really. Oh, actually, this is. I'm not gonna lie. Because of Columbine, me and my friends were on the COVID of the New York Times on the Sunday edition. I swear to God. We went to the memorial, and we put down flowers, and some guy took a picture, and it was like, I'm standing in the back. My friend Chad is putting down.

[B]

Yeah, you're not Jewish. You had friends named Chad and Denver, Danny and Joel. Wait, could you. Wait, can you guys do one of the. This goes on YouTube.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do one of these things.

[A]

Yeah, they'll put it right here. They'll put the picture.

[B]

Here's his Columbine picture.

[A]

She's trying to get out. You can't talk about Columbine without getting the dog.

[B]

She can't speak English.

[A]

She knows she's a hair. She's an Eric Harris girl, and I'm a Dylan Klebold boy. We kind of just fight over it.

[B]

Which one's the trench coat one?

[A]

Both of them are the trench coat ones, but Eric Harris was the psychopathic leader, and Dylan Klebold is believed to be the follower. Read Dave Collins book Columbine. It's fantastic.

[B]

Did he give himself like a drag name to name himself after the event?

[A]

Dave Columba. Dave Column. I'm. I'm sprouts McBitch.

[B]

Oh, his gay voice came out.

[A]

Oh, no. Get it, lock it, send it to everybody.

[B]

I feel like you before I interrupted you, like, for the millionth time.

[A]

No, I love that. I do it all the time.

[B]

I thought you were gonna say some statistic about how people who play video games have sex.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. I wish I had that. No, I was just gonna say people who play video games. It's not as, hey, it's summer, you know? You know, want to probably. I'm saying it's summer everything. Even if it's not, because you know what this is? This is Zocdoc. What does zocdoc have to do with the summer? Nothing.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Maybe hurt your ankle on a sprinkler coming out of the ground, but if you. By the way, I know I'm. I know I'm joking around here, but if you did, guess what? You could go on Zocdoc.com and find a doctor that's in your network to specifically fix your ankle for rolling it or more on a sprinkler. Even if you just. If you just move to a place, you're out, maybe you make your own slip and slide with a garbage bag and you go over something that. That. That tears your stomach. It's horrible. I know it's a horrible thought, but you need stitches, right? Well, you go to Zocdoc. Boop, boop, boop. Find somebody. Bam. Stitch doctor. I'm just saying things that aren't real. You go to a stitch doctor. No, what I mean is ZocDoc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone that you love. When you're ready, you can see the real time availability. Click to book instantly. No phone tag and there's no waiting around appointments made through Zocdoc happen fast, typically within a day to three hours of booking. They want me to say 24 to 72 hours, but I'm gonna say that a day to three, you can even score same day appointments. That's Zocdoc.com Soder Zocdoc.com/soder. Thanks Zocdoc for sponsoring this message. Hey, I know there's a lot of money platforms, you know, and some of them are like, what do I use? I recommend Cash App financial service platform. It's not a bank, you know, the banking services are provided by Cash app's bank partners. So you go, okay. But what you do is when you get a Cash app, you can bam, give your friend. You need to pay your friend back for, you know, going dutch on that dinner. Hit it. Hit them with the Cash app. That's what happens. And also they have, they have security. So when you get the Cash app card, not only do you get access to a ton of perks and benefits like exclusive early access to nationwide concert pre sales, but you also can lock and unlock your card from any time in just one tap. If a suspicious transaction pops up on your card, hit them with it. Lock it up. Cash App has your back by automatically declining the purchase and sending you a heads up to confirm it's you or not. Behind the scenes, you can rest assured knowing that your account is balanced by protected 24. 7 fraud monitoring. So spend time with peace of mind with the Cash App. Cash App and new Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use the code Secure10, right? You thought it was going to be sodor. It isn't. It's secure 10 in their profile. Or sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash app is a financial service platform, not a bank. Banking statements is provided by Cash App's bank partners. Visit cash app.com legal slot. Visit Cash App Legal podcast for full disclosures. Damn, I really thought I was gonna get that. I was just gonna say people who play video games, it's not as nerdy as it was when I was like, sure, in the 90s, like before the Internet and if you played like computer games, you were, you could be a nerd. But now it's like everyday Joe's right. Be gaming.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Your boyfriend's probably a normal guy.

[B]

He's so cool.

[A]

You know, he probably breeds lizards or whatever. You guys.

[B]

Well, this, this is why we're not getting a lizard. Because did you know that the gecko, if they get stressed out, they like Chop their own tail off.

[A]

Yeah, but then it grows back.

[B]

But then I couldn't. I don't want to be dealing with a tail.

[A]

I think that's way less more traumatic than, like, a hamster eating its babies.

[B]

What do they do? Well, who's getting it? I'm not. You think I'm a hamster?

[A]

I would never call you a hamster. That's like me, lizard girl. Oh, no, no. Lizard girl's like, you're cool. You would probably hang out. Skate shop.

[B]

Yeah, but it's kind of pick me. Girls with snake. Oh, girls in high school.

[A]

No, no, no. Girls with snakes are trauma victims.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Girls with snakes are not.

[B]

Pick me.

[A]

Girls with snakes are like, who. Who did it?

[B]

Right?

[A]

And they go, my dad's friend. You go, totally, totally. That's a python. Go back.

[B]

Right. You're reclaiming the physical. Totally.

[A]

That's twice a week, dude. That's laying down on a couch. That's laying down, bro.

[B]

I was having recurring nightmares that I was on tour and. But sleeping on park benches and then waking up and someone had scratched my back and blood was running down.

[A]

Jesus. That's very detailed.

[B]

No, my. You don't dream. You don't remember.

[A]

I've smoked a lot of weed over the years.

[B]

I don't this. And I got my dreams back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I got my dream.

[A]

It's.

[B]

You gotta get them back.

[A]

I. I did it a couple years ago. I quit for, like, six months. Like, two years ago. I quit for six months. And those dreams were gnarly.

[B]

They. They're speaking to you, Dan. There. They have something to say.

[A]

I used to. I've told. I'm sorry. I've told this story before, if you've heard it, but I.

[B]

You said certainly I haven't.

[A]

I've told. I've told this story before, but I'm going to have Sarah tell it. I used to not smoke weed when I'd visit my grandma. And so I was trying to tell you. I like that. I actually thought you were gonna go with it. I was a big fan of it, but I used to not smoke weed when I visit my grandma. And I remember, like, the third day, and I had a dream that guy pulled a gun and I wrestled it away, but I shot him. Like, tv, where they're like. And then I ran and I was wanted for murder. And it felt so real that when I woke up, I, like, had to sit up in bed with my feet on the ground. Like in TV shows where they're like,

[B]

oh, to be grounded.

[A]

Yeah. Like I had to, like, ground my feet to be like, okay, so this is reality. Because that was so scary.

[B]

But it was so awesome the way you were doing it. You must have fell.

[A]

No, I was like, oh, my God, I killed a guy. I'm gonna walk around knowing I killed a person.

[B]

Your unconscious was trying to speak to you, Dan.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your unconscious uses violent, shocking imagery to.

[A]

So what did your therapist say when you laid down on the couch about the scratches?

[B]

You know what? This is the problem. He doesn't.

[A]

Oh, we're gonna find out. You're getting ripped off.

[B]

I am.

[A]

It's gonna be the scene, you know, the scene in Something about Mary where the guy leaves while. While Ben Stiller's telling. And then he comes back in and he's finishing eating the sandwich. He's like, oh, that sounds. That's what's happening to you. You're laying down.

[B]

I love the guy. I love the guy. I really do. He wears Air Force ones.

[A]

That's crazy. I don't need a. I need hocus. I need hocus or New Balances. I need to. Or you know what? Preferably sketcher slip ins.

[B]

The ones that would be insane.

[A]

No, cuz, listen.

[B]

That would be insane. You're right.

[A]

Emotions and dreams, right? He's just got to put his feet in and click in his little heels. Right.

[B]

Putting on Air Force Ones in a cardigan. He's like, trying to have sex with me.

[A]

What are you trying to ball out?

[B]

He's trying to ball out. He's trying to ball in me.

[A]

Sarah, that's crazy. That's really crazy. Your dream is, you know, I was down at the Wreck on Sunday. I went left, guy tried to collapse on me. I kick out to the outside. My boy hits a three.

[B]

Obviously. Obviously. You know, it took me like 45 minutes to understand you were talking about sport.

[A]

I'm slowing it down. I slowed down.

[B]

Thank you for saying. Saying that.

[A]

Yeah, I did like kitchen Spanish. Like the way the line cooks would talk to me. They go, poquito. And I go a little. But you, like, wearing Air Force ones at a therapy session is also too much of a flex.

[B]

I. Yeah.

[A]

And being like.

[B]

Like, I get you.

[A]

Are those the sevens?

[B]

Like, I'm cool. I'm cool. He laughed at something I said the other day and I was like, like, how dare you? Like, well, I was being hilarious. Oh, but I was being hilarious. And then he was like. But he. He's not allowed to, like, show, like, human. He. If he. That's emoting. He voted at me.

[A]

Oh, Necessary. I made my therapist cry. I've got him a couple times. I've got him a couple times. Dude. That's what's up. He's gonna make me cry all the time.

[B]

What did you say?

[A]

I just told the story about the first time I saw my, my mom. Like it was like I was in my 30s and it was like the first time I saw my mom be in love with my dad for the first time in my life.

[B]

You make me.

[A]

Was when we were driving to my grandma's apartment and my mom was like, I haven't been here since the 70s. And then she like. Or like early 80s and she stopped and she's like, I loved your father so much. And you're like. And they hated each other when I was growing up. So it was like a weird moment and I, I. It was much longer and much more in detail.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

And he knows all the story, but he got misty eyed and I was like, are you. And he's like, it's a very sweet moment you got to experience.

[B]

And I was like, brag, brag. Making your therapist.

[A]

And I was like. And I only did it years. I only got him twice.

[B]

What was the second? You know what to say.

[A]

I forgot what the second one was. I just remember that one. Cuz I was like, damn, dude, you. You've been breaking me. You've been cracking me open this whole time.

[B]

God damn it. I've never made him cry. Actually. I wouldn't know cuz I'm.

[A]

Does he make you cry?

[B]

Girl, come on. You know.

[A]

You know I'm a lay down crier.

[B]

A crumpled up cup on the side

[A]

of the room cry. You know, that's what I explained to my guy friends that refuse therapy because they cry about where I go, buddy, that shouldn't trigger you like a guy stealing. A guy stealing third base and getting away with it. And they're like.

[B]

But you know what? I have been moved to tears by a sport game.

[A]

Yeah. Sports. When it's at its best.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Makes you very emotional, angry.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But also very like. That's where I think you can find common ground with a tough Long island dad.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's like he loves the Rangers so much.

[B]

Yes. His ringtone on it. No. What his. He gets a help me out notification. He gets a notification on his phone for every time the Rangers score a goal. That's the sound. What's the sound?

[A]

He gets the horn.

[B]

He gets the horn on his phone every time they do something.

[A]

I love that. There's like, I watch sports and I go like, oh, yeah. It's one of the only bonds I have with my dad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was like, we both, both the sports teams we liked. But then I watched Katie's brother and her dad bond over hockey, and I'm like, I love this. I watch it. I go, look at this. That's where, that's where men are allowed to be emotional together.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Where it's, like, allowed to, like, hug. And like, one of the craziest things I've ever seen was I was working at Hilarities in Cleveland.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

The night they want. Yeah. You've never done it. It's great.

[B]

No, I would love to be booked if you could.

[A]

They. The Cavs won the NBA championship. Huh. That Sunday night, I was doing a show like, but the club's like down the street from the arena. And I came out and it was the streets for. Filled with men hugging each other. Oh, that was what it was where they were like, they were like crying because they hadn't won a championship in that city in 50 years. It was great.

[B]

I, I, I like, never, never, I think, you know, my, my bro, I have a little brother and my dad, they were always, you know, sports guys my whole life, like, whatever. What? And I never paid attention because I was like, no, like, I like. Dude, I like music.

[A]

Like, sorry. I like the arts. Yeah. You guys are just bashing your each other's heads into it.

[B]

And I'm a fool. Look at what I missed out on. Literally.

[A]

It's a good ballet.

[B]

It's beautiful.

[A]

It's a beautiful. And then I could, I could probably sell you right now on professional wrestling. How much time? Time you get?

[B]

Well, I'm sold.

[A]

WWE socks.

[B]

I'm sold.

[A]

Was your dad a big. He's a Long island guy. Long wrestling's big. In the, on the island.

[B]

Too gay.

[A]

Too gay. Okay.

[B]

My dad, My dad, he's a hockey addict. And then even.

[A]

Yeah, hockey guys are tough. They, they're tough guys.

[B]

And then I took them to a. Yeah, I took them to a Rangers game.

[A]

I know. That's the flex, though.

[B]

Took them a Ranger.

[A]

That's why I think Lauren Michaels entire purpose on this earth is, Is to

[B]

get me closer to my dad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Literally. Yes.

[A]

I, I wrote his biography. His dad died. Yeah. Pretty heavy talking about Chevy Chase.

[B]

Oh,

[A]

he's an. His dad died. Yes. And so he, that's like, it makes sense on why he does a lot of his. Because he's like, I'm going to heal that wound.

[B]

And I don't even have a Father wound. And I'm like, papa, everybody does. Right? Right?

[A]

No one that has parents doesn't have some damage, right? Because that's why I didn't want kids. Because, sure, it's a love I'm never gonna feel. I'm gonna do so much damage that I'm unaware of where they go. You remember how you love video games? Well, now I have to be choked to come. And you go, crap. Should have put you on arc raiders with me.

[B]

I wouldn't let my kids know about come their whole life. I wouldn't let them know about it.

[A]

Like, it was like a huge accident. Like, every time they came, they're like. And you go, no leaks. We don't have leaks.

[B]

That you can't be a parent. You imagine being a parent, and then your kids are out there coming. It's disgusting, dude.

[A]

I told this story to Kyle Kanane, but my mom. I'm the only child, single mom, and we grew up in the house. And when I started, I used to jerk off into my underwear.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

And then my mom would do laundry. And one time my mom went, you know, come smells. No, like that.

[B]

And that was supposed to discourage you?

[A]

Well, it was kind of the aware of like, hey, maybe you stop up.

[B]

She said, come

[A]

semen. I don't forgot what she said. She goes, you know, jizz.

[B]

I guess that's the last mom style.

[A]

My mom. My mom's not, like. She's not proper right. You know, she's like a lady. She's also not, like, got a dip in, like, here's what happens. Come. You know, it's mostly salt, even though it's. But it's like she. She always talked to me like a little adult.

[B]

And so she said that to you so that you would feel so guilty that she would have.

[A]

She was kind of me. That was her going, like, cleaning up your come, right? And then you go, gotcha. Kleenexes. This was like, throw them away.

[B]

This is. That's actually beautiful. There was a girl. There was a pregnant girl in my high school health class who raised her hand, said, why does come taste salty? And then we all went.

[A]

And she was pregnant.

[B]

Yeah, she was pregnant pregnant. And we were like. And you know what? Come taste.

[A]

Yeah, well, maybe you should have got over that, and you wouldn't be having a kid at 16.

[B]

No, here's the thing. Her could taste

[A]

more. I pregnant in a health class might be.

[B]

And she asked what a sir. Her. Her. She was like, my. My doctor said my cervix was dilated. What does that mean?

[A]

Yo?

[B]

Yeah, it was tough.

[A]

What is your. Did you go to public school?

[B]

Yeah, of course. Course.

[A]

Public school, though. That teacher's not built for that.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Well, I'm the football coach, so. Hot. Hot hike. I don't know what to tell you.

[B]

Miss it. What? I. Well, they could. It was odd because they, you know, what's dare for pregnancy? What's to scare people away from anxiety sex ed. Right.

[A]

That's pretty much what they're. They're doing. They're just trying to freak you out by going like.

[B]

We were freaked out.

[A]

They show the video Miracle of Life.

[B]

Yeah. That was where you. Yeah, that was crazy.

[A]

That's like the first time you see a publicly.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You just go like, yo. Right? And not know it. Everyone, even me, the guy that got kicked out in the hallway. That was always like, we're gonna see a buzzy. Even I was like, oh, this is very medical.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And it is.

[B]

And it's. It's like a. It's a Cronenbergian nightmare. Yeah, they. They get. They get teared, right?

[A]

That baby, that's a 80s baby. They made that movie in like the 70s or 80s where there was no like thought of the mother, right.

[B]

There was like a hell of fluoride in the water. That baby's fat.

[A]

Yeah, that baby's come out. That baby came out like a bottle of water from a pack you don't want to open on the end.

[B]

It's just like that baby came out like Freddy Krueger flying through the wall. Wall.

[A]

Oh, I used to be so scared of Freddy Krueger.

[B]

Cuz he could rape you in your dreams. And that's why you don't dream anymore. There you go.

[A]

Have I been raped by Freddy Krueger? I don't think so. Sorry. Freddy. No means no.

[B]

This is a PSA for doing drugs.

[A]

Yeah. Rot your brain with resin.

[B]

You're gonna like what I'm about to say.

[A]

You've said the most offensive thing ever in a microphone. And I'm about to like what?

[B]

You, my brother? Yeah. During the. We were watching. We're sitting around the TV watching. I have a little brother saying little. He's 28, sitting around the TV watching the winter Olympics. He described to me miracle on the ice.

[A]

Oh. 1980, USA beating the USSR.

[B]

Mere description.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sobbing, crying.

[A]

How great is that?

[B]

It's the most beautiful thing.

[A]

It's great.

[B]

I'm not gonna do any research.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, hello.

[B]

That was all I had to tell you.

[A]

Yeah. You gotta watch what's even funnier is when you find out, like, sports movies that I grew up with, and then you find out later in life that, like, the real story sucks. And you're like, right. Oh, man, that was such a cool. The movie Rudy about, you know, he's like a scrappy little guy and he walks on at Notre Dame. Have you ever heard of the movie Rudy?

[B]

I just was explained the concept of miracle on the ice.

[A]

Yeah. Do you know Rudy at all? Are you familiar? Not Babe Ruth. This is great. Rudy is the story of a.

[B]

You're gonna make me cry.

[A]

Yeah, I hope so. I hope so. But then I'll tell you the real truth of it and then. Okay, so Rudy, every man born that likes football born after, you know, maybe when does people stop watching Rudy? Maybe 95 people stop caring. It's a classic.

[B]

Classic.

[A]

A guy loves his whole family. Loves Notre Dame. It's Sean, who's the actor that plays him? Sam Wise Gange from Lord of the Rings. Did you watch Lord of the Rings?

[B]

No. What kind of. I know, I know, I know.

[A]

Because if you don't do that, I go to that. Did you watch Stranger Things?

[B]

No.

[A]

Sean Aston. Sean Astin. Little guy, loves Notre Dame. Can't get in there. Goes to school, walks on the team, gets beat up.

[B]

Up.

[A]

Makes the team. It crescendos with him getting into the game, in the crowd chanting his name. Rudy at Notre Dame. And he gets carried off the field.

[B]

But what was wrong with him?

[A]

He had little and why. He's going to play for one of the greatest football teams in the world. And he wants it so bad that he won't give up. And he keeps going. And then he makes the team and

[B]

then he's in the game.

[A]

He's a little guy.

[B]

He's short, tossed around like a little ball.

[A]

A ball. Then he gets up, but he wants it so bad. And then they pick him up.

[B]

Didn't produce a single tier. Nothing about.

[A]

You know what? I'm gonna do a movie Watch along with Sarah Sherman. We're gonna bring back the movie Watch alongs and you and I are gonna watch Rudy.

[B]

Oh, I like that. This is my problem. I never get to talk during movies.

[A]

Oh, dude. We'll do a movie Watch along where all you do is talk while you watch it.

[B]

I would love to talk through a movie.

[A]

We'll smoke weed too. I don't know if you still have your broken sobriety.

[B]

I can't. It would. It. Weed is the hardest drug known to man. It's harder than crack. I Can't do it. It's harder. It's literally harder than crack.

[A]

What do you mean? Because you're so addicted to it.

[B]

No, it's. It had. It's. It has psychedelic properties.

[A]

Well, now they.

[B]

They experience ego death on a weed mint.

[A]

Yeah, that they have. They have really made it too good.

[B]

No, it's not good. It's bad. They made it too. Crazy bad.

[A]

Maybe I can find you some 90s swag. You know, I'll pick some sticks and. And stems out of it and then we can roll it where you get the very silly. Happy. Very hungry.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Very sleepy. That was the swag thing, right? It was like smoke it. Very giggly red. Deep red eyes. Hunger. Deep sleep.

[B]

I w. This is what I. I. I've only recently had the weed that makes you stay on Stav's tour bus.

[A]

So what made you break it? You just couldn't sleep? This is. We're getting back to. We're finishing it. We're finishing topics. We're.

[B]

Two big mouths are going to finish a single topic. And then I have another question.

[A]

Name of an episode. Two Big Mouths.

[B]

Can you fit your whole fist in your mouth?

[A]

I used to be able to. I don't think I can now. And I don't have dental, so I don't want to try.

[B]

Oh, you don't want to trigger your tmj? Yeah, I don't want to. I was just wondering about it, cuz we said big mouth.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I know we weren't talking about the cartoon.

[A]

I take bites. That upsets K. Katie, right? Where I take bites and she goes, yeah, like, we have a Mexican food and I'll do a giant chip with guacamole. And she's like the whole thing.

[B]

And I'm like, yeah, you unhook your jaw like a snake. I have a. Do you have this pro. I have a problem where I will just keep p. And now it's going to sound like I'm a copycat or. Or a follower. Well, I'm not. Okay.

[A]

I'm not. Yeah, you're.

[B]

Yeah, you get. Yeah, you name.

[A]

You're underground.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You name three Sarahs that. Whatever Name. Whatever.

[A]

You know what I'm trying to say?

[B]

Whatever. But if I try to keep pace with anyone, I'm eating around that you up. So, like, if I was eating with you, I would just. Because we'd be talking or whatever. Whatever. And I'd be eating to just keep up with you. And then I would be taking these big bites and.

[A]

And so you Would try to take big bites, but it's.

[B]

It's an automatic response just because, you know when you're, like, eating and you're having.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

You're like, whatever.

[A]

Or when you eat fast and someone eats slow and you feel like a pig and you're like, were you eating at a normal pace and I'm just a. A savage.

[B]

Right. I was filter feeding in this restaurant.

[A]

Or if. If everyone else eats and I don't. I feel like I've just been talking the whole time. Which.

[B]

Why would everyone be eating and you're not?

[A]

Just cuz, you know, you tell a story.

[B]

Right, right, right, right.

[A]

That's what I mean. Oh, I am talking.

[B]

You aren't watching your weight.

[A]

No, I go, oh, I've had too many sights. Katie's gonna be mad at me. She's gonna hit me. But we're. Wait, we.

[B]

Oh, I was gonna ask you a question.

[A]

We almost closed the circle.

[B]

Oh. Oh. Out. But I was gonna ask you a different question. Sports movie. We'll come back to this. Wait, this is what my friend, my best friend, Jack Bensinger, if he has a thought.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he wants to remember it, he goes like this.

[A]

Put a pin in it.

[B]

And he holds it like I'm holding the thought.

[A]

Oh, that's great.

[B]

Isn't that nice?

[A]

Yeah, that's nice.

[B]

I'm outing him for being a little autistic.

[A]

It's great, though. I love his. His brain power games.

[B]

We were at, I think we were seeing like 28 years later, bone temple or something. In the middle of a movie. I see him go like this.

[A]

That's great. I like that. I think we need to start. Put it. You start holding on to that thought. So hold on to that thought. What's your question?

[B]

Sports movie. Is there Chris Benoit? Sports movie.

[A]

What's the movie? That's a nightmare. Chris Benoit murdered his family.

[B]

Well, I'm saying it's like the only sports movie I would. I think I would care about.

[A]

Oh, can I tell you where that gets a little choppy? Yeah, we didn't choppy. He strangled. Yeah. He killed his kid. Killed his kid with exercise. Yeah, he put his. He put like, extra. His. He, like, killed his kids, like, exercise equipment. Like, Like. Yeah. Like, put the thing around his neck and then, like, broke his neck. Oh, yeah. It's horrible. It's a horrible, horrible thing. This is why. Why we can't make a movie. Is this what the movie you wanted?

[B]

It's the E. Hollywood sort Movie one.

[A]

That's where I would think you'd be able to do it. It could only be done as a date line or a 2020 or a Queen Tarantino.

[B]

Inglorious bastards the kids kill.

[A]

That's sick, dude. He goes, here's what I want. Okay, the kid's not dead.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He's out of it. His feet are bare. Okay. Yeah, dude. If he made it back, like a alternate of history.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Chris Benoit's like, bon voyage, my child. I don't know why I'd make a French Canadian. I think he's from Alberta. Or. No, he's from Calgary. But the kid would kick out. Yeah.

[B]

Kill him and do the whatever. Hulk smash.

[A]

Yeah, the Hulk. He would hulk out. What was crisp and was move, diving, headbutt do. He would do the cross face Crippler.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Which if you would like, I could show on Myrtle. I put her in wrestling submissions.

[B]

Crossface Crippler.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

After too many.

[A]

A couple too many grunts. So what broke the weed Sobriety ping?

[B]

Weeee.

[A]

No, but like, you couldn't sleep and then you went out to the bus.

[B]

If they were to tell me more about Chris Brenois killing his whole family.

[A]

I don't want to talk about family. It's very sad. As a wrestling fan, man, it was one of those things where he was so good at wrestling that when it happened, you went, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because there's like a lot of guys that suck and they're heads and you

[B]

go, but he was not.

[A]

You were really good at wrestling.

[B]

Was he?

[A]

It was a shocking thing.

[B]

Heal.

[A]

Yeah, he's a great bad guy.

[B]

No one saw it coming.

[A]

No, he was like.

[B]

Because there are some guys where. If I found. If I open the newspaper and yeah, let's keep. Let's keep it alive.

[A]

Let's keep it a buck.

[B]

I read if I open it, if I see there's some guys. If I open the newspaper tomorrow and I see that they've killed their whole family, I'm not surprised. Yeah, but this. You were surprised.

[A]

It was shocking, right? They did a tribute to him on Monday Night Raw after he killed his whole family. I didn't know. Him and his family were found dead. And then the next night on Monday Night Raw, they like, did like a 17 bell salute. There's like, literally all the wrestling are standing there, and they're like, some of them are in street clothes and some of them are dressed with like. There's stuff coming off their arms, you know, like their flare. And they're sitting there like this, and they're like, dong Dong. And then it comes out in the coming weeks that he murdered his family. And everyone was like, so now you can't find that. Monday Night Raw. You cannot find that. They scrub that.

[B]

My bad, y'.

[A]

All. Oh, y'. All. Turns out it was. He was a family unit. Annihilator. My bad, dude.

[B]

Movie now. Tomorrow. Let me play the wife. Please.

[A]

Please. You can't play her.

[B]

Why? Because she.

[A]

She was all woman. Her name was. Her name in WCW was woman.

[B]

Was she also.

[A]

She was like a manager, and she used to date another wrestler, and then she left that wrestler for Chris Benoit. They started a family.

[B]

Dude, this is a movie.

[A]

There's documentaries. You should go watch. Go watch Dark side of the Ring String.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Shit's up.

[B]

See, I just want to, like, pull your little string, let you talk. Girl.

[A]

Girl, listen. I'm a wrestling girly. I'm a murder girl.

[B]

Whose song was Ace of Spades?

[A]

Triple H. See, that's my one fact. He wouldn't come out to Ace of Spades. He come out to a other Lemmy song called the Game.

[B]

Oh. Oh, the Game.

[A]

It's time to play the game. Because what's funny about that is, is my phone is in here. That's what. When we were potty training during COVID that we would do a thing where I would play that song, because when we would take her outside, we were training her, so we'd walk her outside, and then if she didn't pee, you come back in, wait a little bit, take her back outside, pee. But then when she does pee, you come back inside, you give her a treat, being like, see you pee outside.

[B]

Right?

[A]

So we were. We were potty training her, and then every time I would go to do it, like, the Game song, I would play it. I'd go, myrtle,

[B]

it's time to make the people.

[A]

I gotta watch out. I go, let's go on a walk. That really reminds me of COVID because every morning I'd go, it's time to play the game and play it, and we go outside. Or I would do the. What band is that?

[B]

I'm going for a walk.

[A]

I think it's like, they're. They're cool. You're a music gal. How do you not know that?

[B]

Nah, nah.

[A]

I bet you think this band is corny, too. I bet it's not a good.

[B]

This might be guy stuff. This might be guy stuff. I don't know about guy stuff.

[A]

Going for a walk is someone. You know? What's great about podcasts is I know someone knows that Song and is screaming it at their.

[B]

You idiot. You didn't know that? Go for a walk, Willie Nelson's biggest Christmas album.

[A]

Oh, damn it. Bad religion.

[B]

Oh, sure.

[A]

Going for a walk.

[B]

I hate to break it to you. I'm not a bad.

[A]

You're not a bad religion. Who's your favorite band of all time?

[B]

My favorite band of all time. Fleetwood Mac, I guess.

[A]

Have you seen him live?

[B]

I have. Not really.

[A]

And now one of. Christy died.

[B]

Yeah. May she rest.

[A]

And hold that.

[B]

I'm still holding that.

[A]

Hold that.

[B]

May she Isn't that. I've never seen that live. Favorite band of all time? I don't know. Never happened. I don't know. I met Lindsay Buckingham. Was at SNL once. I went crazy. Crazy. And a security guard had to be like, no pictures, ma'. Am.

[A]

You're like, I'm on the cast. Did you know he was coming that whole day?

[B]

No. No. Best way to meet someone who is your biggest. You didn't know someone was coming? Best way to meet someone.

[A]

That's a good one. Macho man. Randy Savage. I swear to God.

[B]

He's on my line at pret. Getting a hard boiled egg.

[A]

What are you doing? He goes, I'm getting a silly. No. I worked at a radio station, and I went in to pick up. Great. I went into radio voice. Yes, that's correct, Sarah. I went in to pick up my paycheck, and my program director was like, you should go in the production studio. And I was like, why? He's like, you should go in the production. And I opened the door, and it was Macho man promoting his rap album. That one, Be a man. Someone bought it for me on vinyl. I have it right there.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

Where he raps and he talks to Hulk Hogan.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

Be a man, Hulk rule.

[B]

Why did they have beef?

[A]

They were friends. And then wrestlers, you know, they're like comics. They're messy.

[B]

There's one wrestler who has slid into my DMS a couple times. Can you believe this? Out.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's a handsome man.

[B]

Hey, not bad. He still got it.

[A]

Sherman, you go, hey, Sherman, you still got your good stuff. See how he feels about lizards. Geckos losing their tails.

[B]

See, I wasn't gonna get a gecko. And now you've brought it up so many times. I'm like, I have to get it to, like, prove a point to you that I actually could be actually a cool lizard girl.

[A]

But then, guess what? There's gonna be that moment where you Gecko. Maybe named Lindsay. I don't know if you're naming it after Fleetwood Mac. Maybe Christy up on her rock enjoying a heat lamp. And you're gonna see her smile and you're gonna feel good.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Then you're gonna go in there and you're gonna put your finger and. And Lindsay's gonna crawl on your finger, and you're gonna bring it right here.

[B]

I have a fantasy that you're gonna

[A]

go, I get why I got mouth raped by Myrtle.

[B]

Oh, getting mouth raped by a gecko? No, not the insurance. Yeah, with like a little claws in there.

[A]

Oh, my God. Did you just have her? If you just had her at a table, you go, sarah, there's a new gecko policy.

[B]

So there's this thing where the. You know Paul Simon, he didn't.

[A]

He used to have a gecko. It really was bad for the room. You understand?

[B]

With the tail comes off. What do you do with it?

[A]

Put it in your ear. She's crying about it.

[B]

Why?

[A]

She's crying about the tail coming off.

[B]

I'm still holding it.

[A]

It's cold on neck.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think you put it in your ear like a cigarette.

[B]

We smoke it.

[A]

Yeah. You go. You go. Let's get that lizard.

[B]

What do people smoke when they smoke? The toad?

[A]

That's fake.

[B]

It is.

[A]

I don't know. Smoking frogs.

[B]

You know about this toad venom?

[A]

You're just saying that because of his pants. Judging him by his pants.

[B]

Oh, like I'd judge any. Anyone for their pants.

[A]

Look how bad Myrtle wants to get out and mouth rape you again because

[B]

you played her Peeing Dame song.

[A]

Dude, I'm actually worried about that. I was just thinking about that. I was. It is real.

[B]

It's time to play the pee.

[A]

Smoking the toad refers to inhaling the dried venom of the Sonoran Desert toad, which contains the powerful psychedelic substance 5 Meo DMT.

[B]

Miss me with that. Miss me with.

[A]

Dude, I ever coming at you about lizard knowledge. Frog, lizard, whatever, dog. If it's got web feet, I ain't bringing it up to you.

[B]

Well, remember when you couldn't get a little baby turtle because they're illegal in New York?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Remember that?

[A]

What is. What was that?

[B]

I don't know. Because they have a disease.

[A]

Oh, maybe. Is it legionnaires that's in the water?

[B]

What is that?

[A]

Legionnaires disease.

[B]

Diarrhea disease?

[A]

I think so. Diarrhea throughout history. Put a pin in it. Sarah Sherman is fantastic. She's on Saturday Night Live. She has an HBO special. She's also.

[B]

Oh, please watch it.

[A]

She's also in the new movie Roommates on Netflix.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Go watch everything she does. She's a lizard lady, and she's a. Okay with me.

[B]

Oh, my God. That was so fast.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I didn't even know it started or ended.

[A]

You're free. Let's take a photo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that crazy? That was a fun hit.

[B]

You're so fast. Ready?

[A]

Three, two.