60: Never Open the Package with Nick Mullen | Soder Podcast | EP 58

Summary

Soder Podcast Episode 60: "Never Open the Package" with Nick Mullen

Release Date: December 17, 2024
Host: Dan Soder
Guest: Nick Mullen

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Overview

This episode is a classic riff-heavy hang between Dan Soder and comedian Nick Mullen (known for his sharp, meta humor and as co-host of Cum Town). The conversation dives into the state of Hollywood sequels, nostalgia and risk-taking in movies, YouTube culture, internet fame, and the absurdities of both pop culture and daily life. True to form, Mullen and Soder blend insightful commentary with deadpan, irreverent bits, keeping the tone both playful and subversively critical.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hollywood's Aversion to Risk and Sequel Culture

• Sequels and Reboots
  • Discussion starts with the Gladiator 2 trailer, which Soder says just feels like a "copy and paste" of the first ([00:49]).
  • Mullen argues big-budget Hollywood avoids creative risks, with sequels essentially being remakes with surface-level changes ([01:00]).
  • Star Wars is used as a key example: the prequels were initially risky (with Jar Jar Binks), but the backlash made studios scared to innovate.
    • “At least there is a creative impulse ... they try.” — Nick Mullen ([01:10])
    • “Phantom Menace is better than A New Hope.” — Mullen's hot take ([01:51])
    • Soder: “You’re saying one over four? There’s a Star Wars nerd that just punched through drywall.” ([02:07])
• Gladiator 2 vs. Originals:
  • Soder and Mullen agree the new Gladiator lacks the organic character build-up and emotional weight of the first ([06:18]).
  • “It felt like they were just taking stuff and being like, remember this? There it is.” — Soder ([10:15])
  • The two compare Gladiator 2 to the Saints of Newark Sopranos movie, criticizing shallow fan service over meaningful storytelling ([05:29]).

2. Meta-Critique of Movies and Characters

• The hosts lampoon Hollywood's failure to explore, for example, the real politics of Rome or consequences of power ([07:33]).
• They riff on the hypothetical: “What if Joe Biden was Emperor Marcus Aurelius?” with Soder delivering in a Bidenesque voice ([07:41]).
• Discussion on character-driven versus issue-driven movies, with a preference for classic hero journeys over overt social commentary, as seen in The Dark Knight Rises ([09:09]).

3. Pop Culture Absurdities

• Jar Jar, C3PO, and Representation:
  • Extended bits on Jar Jar Binks' Caribbean-coded accent, imagined “Domino Binks” as a blinged-out Chewbacca, and Star Wars’ odd attempts at diversity ([02:30]; [04:22]).
  • “So what? What's wrong with Jar Jar being Caribbean?” — Mullen ([04:20])
  • “Even the robots gotta be gay.” — Mullen joking about C3PO ([13:54])
• Transporter Rulebook:
  • Soder and Mullen plot out a hypothetical Transporter watch-along podcast and joke about Jason Statham’s character’s rules — especially, “Never open the package,” which he immediately breaks ([17:30]; [17:34]).
  • “Transporter behavior is drug addict behavior ... It’s like, I’m gonna look what’s in there.” — Soder ([17:56])
• Action Hero Showdowns:
  • Lively debate: Who wins, Transporter (Statham), Dom (Vin Diesel), or Taken’s Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson)? Mullen: “Obviously Liam Neeson because he’ll let the other two guys fight and then finish them off” ([20:39]).

4. Internet Fame and Downfalls

• Riff on a once-straightedge YouTube lawyer who spiraled into drug addiction and scandal, highlighting how exposure and money warp digital creators ([57:57]).
• Discussion about how different internet fame feels from traditional celebrity—with lower barriers, sudden wealth, and more opportunity for personal implosion ([59:28]).

5. Comedy, Lying for the Bit, and Social Dynamics

• Stories about inventing fake personal histories (Harvard, deceased spouses) to see what people will believe ([32:55]; [34:14]).
• Soder admits to telling comics that Michelle Wolf was emancipated as a teen just to see reactions ([34:18]).
  • “I used to just wear a Harvard shirt… people would think you went to Harvard.” — Mullen ([34:05])

6. Politics, War, and Global Satire

• Satirical takes on U.S. interventions, regime change fallout, and Middle East politics, drawing parallels to movie logic ("kill bad guy, all good") versus real messy aftermath ([53:36]).
• Riffs on appointing comedians to political office, with Mullen lobbying Shane Gillis to recommend him as Secretary of the Interior so he can create "Jurassic Park Yosemite" ([43:53]; [44:18]).

7. YouTube, Streaming Culture, and Shifts in Entertainment

• Mullen and Soder discuss the baffling popularity of long YouTube streams and how they never put Cum Town on YouTube, missing what became the biggest platform ([56:55]).
• Lament how Hollywood has lost its risk-taking edge; now, everything is more sanitized or focus-grouped.
  • “1999 is the big year... there was just more money, buying more scripts, taking bigger risks.” — Mullen ([38:34])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Star Wars and Nostalgia:

  • Mullen: “Phantom Menace is better than A New Hope” ([01:51])
  • Soder: “You’re saying one over four? There’s a Star Wars nerd that just punched through drywall.” ([02:07])

• On Hollywood Risk Aversion:

  • “It felt like they were just taking stuff and being like, remember this? There it is.” — Soder ([10:15])

• On Character Archetypes:

  • “The first Gladiator movie is childish, but in a good way.” – Mullen ([06:51])
  • “You want to be an emperor because these emperors suck.” – Mullen, on Denzel’s character ([08:30])

• Action-hero Movie Satire:

  • “Never look in the package. That’s his rule … then he opens it immediately.” — Soder ([17:38])
  • “Transporter behavior is drug addict behavior.” — Soder ([17:56])

• YouTube Creator Downfall:

  • “[He] had a scotch every stream, then lost 100 pounds and got busted for coke with his kids testing positive.” — Mullen, recapping a cautionary tale ([58:55])

• On Wearing Harvard Swag:

  • “I just bought the shirt in the gift shop. … You can just buy this shirt and people think you went to Harvard.” — Mullen ([35:15])

• Internet Comedy & Grift:

  • “Those are artists. We’re just slop makers.” — Mullen ([44:30])

• Trans Bud Light Commercial Pitch:

  • Soder: “He walks outside, a gust of wind blows his pants off, and everyone’s like, Shane’s trans now... People are like, ‘Should we stop drinking Bud Light?’ They’re like, ‘Nah dude, it’s Shane. It’s for everybody.’” ([41:42])

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Segment Timestamps

• [00:49] – Hollywood sequels, remakes, and lack of risk
• [01:51] – Hot takes on Star Wars original vs. prequels
• [05:29] – Sopranos "Saints of Newark" movie and fan service
• [06:18] – Gladiator 2 character development criticism
• [13:54] – Goofing on C3PO, Jar Jar, and diversity in sci-fi
• [17:30] – The Transporter, its "rules", and breaking them
• [20:13] – Fast & Furious vs. Transporter vs. Taken
• [43:53] – Mullen's pitch for Secretary of the Interior ("Jurassic Park Yosemite")
• [53:36] – Regime change, Middle East, and movie logic versus chaos
• [56:55] – YouTube, podcasting, and the rise of streaming personalities
• [57:57] – YouTube lawyer downfall story

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Overall Tone

The episode keeps a loose, spontaneous, and sarcastic energy—equal parts pop-culture dissection and improvised absurdity. Both Soder and Mullen freely oscillate between insightful social commentary and digressive comedic bits, embracing the meta, slightly jaded view of the entertainment industry and internet culture. Their chemistry delivers both laugh-out-loud moments and a subtle undercurrent of critique on how creative culture, fame, and media are evolving.

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For New Listeners

Even without background on specific movies or comedians discussed, you'll enjoy the fast, irreverent banter and meta-humor. Soder and Mullen manage to mine both deep laughs and sharp insights from the way stories—on screen and online—are told and re-told, as well as what happens to the people who tell them.

Notable Guest Plug:

• [60:59] – Soder shouts out Mullen's new special: "Watch Nick Mullen's special Year of the Dragon on YouTube right now!"

Transcript

[A]

California, 2025, the end of February, San Diego, February 28th, Los Angeles, March 1st in San Francisco, March 2nd. Get tickets on sale now. Dan Soder.com I will see you in 2025. And then other cities. Don't worry, we're coming. We're putting it all together. But California, you're up first on this theater tour. I'm very excited about this. Again, February 28th, I'll see you in San Diego. March 1st, Los Angeles. And March 2nd, San Francisco. Dancearter.com for tickets, Just jump in. We don't do, like, a intro, but Gladiator 2 to me, seemed like they just copy and pasted Gladiator one.

[B]

Well, that's what I mean. Well, that's my point is that Hollywood, like, they'll do something big like that, but they're not, they're not actually taking risks because their idea of a sequel now is the first movie, but it's a song.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Yeah. They really are just junior in every movie where they're like.

[B]

And in retrospect, it's like, you know, you can say the Star wars prequels are shitty.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But at least there is a creative impulse.

[A]

Yeah, they try.

[B]

They're doing let's Do.

[A]

Well, you know, what with the Star.

[B]

Wars, the Star wars sequels are. I go there like, what is, Are we just checking boxes? Yes, that's.

[A]

You brought up a good point. Because also I think what happened is they tried. They did try with Episode one, two, and three to be like, we're gonna tell you how Anakin becomes Darth Vader. That was all you knew.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you just. Did you. They got to fill in everything else creatively.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But then they took such a risk on one with Jar Jar Binks and that, and it failed. That you saw them be like, I, I wouldn't say commercially, it didn't fail.

[B]

Yeah, I would not say.

[A]

But critically, it failed. And I think that hurt their ego.

[B]

Because people are looking for too much from Star Wars.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

It's like, I, I, I, I think if you go back now with fresh eyes, you watch all those movies, the prequels stand out as the best ones, including, with the exception of, I'd say Phantom Menace is better than A New Hope. When was the last time you watched it?

[A]

Really? You're saying one over four? There's, there's a Star wars nerd that just punched through.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

Well, no, he didn't. He broke his wrist on drywall.

[B]

When was the last time you watched A New Hope?

[A]

I Would probably say over 15 years ago.

[B]

It is a terrible movie.

[A]

Like the. For the first time, I haven't, like, gone, but by TBS and, like, watched it for a little bit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But the original Star Wars, I think.

[B]

It'S because it's like, that came at the end of a decade where, I mean, like, people weren't watching movies where people were in space.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I mean, it's like, oh, my God, they're in space.

[A]

What are they doing up there?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're breathing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they also said it was a long time ago.

[B]

You watch it now, and it's like, oh, let's go buy some droids. Hey, this one's got a thing in it. Like, what the hell is this? There's a guy we gotta find. Oh, there he is. There's the old guy. Oh, by the way, you're a Jedi. What's that mean? Here, I'll show you.

[A]

But don't you.

[B]

A sword. And then it's like. Oh, yeah, it's. I mean, it's. It moves like that. But in the 70s, it's like a summary. It's like a. Like a. An emotionless summary of what you remember Star wars being. I liked it because I saw it when I was five.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Well, yeah. And you like the idea that the good guy. Yeah. Is, like, humble and like a good person. Now they want to make.

[B]

Try to do the same thing with episode one. You know, you can. You're like, oh, yeah, I understand. Like, the Gungans have some sort of thing. There's more going on there. You're like, why does Jar Jar. Why does Jar Jar. Like, they kind of think he go, oh, because he's an idiot.

[A]

What was he supposed to be? What race is Jar Jar? What is it, Caribbean?

[B]

I mean.

[A]

Yeah. Is that what it was?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So what? Yeah, like. So, like, that's. You know, and that's the thing. It's like, after. Now that Daniel Penny's been let out of jail.

[A]

Yeah. You know, the subway vigilante.

[B]

The subway murder is which let out of jail. I think that's like, sort of a referendum on the last, like, 10 years. This is what I'm seeing in a lot of conservative spaces are saying, in a good way. It's open season on black people going back to how it was.

[A]

Because Daniel Penny.

[B]

Daniel, Daniel Penny getting out and Trump reelected.

[A]

Like, N word, guys. We get full. Our reinstation.

[B]

We got a little crazy giving black women jobs commercials.

[A]

But now we made them put rockets in Space in the movies. We got to take it back. Well, Star Wars, Episode one.

[B]

Well, what's wrong with Jar Jar being Caribbean?

[A]

That's. Oh, I don't have a fucking problem.

[B]

Exactly. So it's.

[A]

I just think it's funny that everyone hated him so much. And you watch it. He's such, like, a nothing character.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, he's fun, but people flipped out. Better than C3PO.

[A]

Let's.

[B]

Let's do role reversal.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Star Wars 1977 for New Hope comes out.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Instead of Chewbacca, it's Jar Jar Binks. And he talks more like Lando, where he's like, hey, he's not Caribbean yet. He's like. His name is Domino. He's got gold teeth.

[A]

Domino Binks. Yeah. He does a lot of sucking hats. He does a lot of sucking through his teeth.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He goes, that's a princess.

[B]

And that's. That's Han Solo's friend, right?

[A]

Yeah. Where he goes, this is Jar Jar. Don't call him by his full name 20 years later.

[B]

You know, it's crazy to think that the time frame in between Gladiator and.

[A]

Gladiator 2 was the same as episode 4 and episode 1. Yeah, yeah. But they did not.

[B]

They just, like, blow.

[A]

Well, Gladiator 2, did you ever see. Did you ever see Saints of Newark, the Sopranos movie?

[B]

I did it.

[A]

It was horrible.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

It was horrible in a way that if you never watched the Sopranos, none of it made sense because they would do stuff like fan service of, like, referencing things. Would they be, like, he never had the making of a varsity athlete. But if you don't watch the Sopranos.

[B]

You don't know why the performances in the Sopranos are so good. And they had so much. I mean, that's six seasons to build, like, the subtlety of these relationships, learn how to. With each other. It's like, I can't imagine that you'd be able to, like, recapture that in just a movie with these, you know.

[A]

In 90 or however long. It was, like, two hours. It was all. They cast them to look like them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, that's how Gladiator 2 felt to me.

[B]

That Sopranos, like, white caps fight, you know, the fight from the white cap scene. It's like, you know, they. They. These people have been working together for very long, you know, for years, to be able to do that.

[A]

And then the movie, they were like, make it quick. Yeah, but that's how Gladiator 2 felt. Gladiator 1, they did a good job of building up why Joaquin Phoenix was angry. You, like, understood that he got looked over by his dad. He kills his own father. You just see how evil he is. Yeah. So by the time you get to the point where Maximus is in the arena, you're like, well, I like Maximus. This. This Gladiator 2. They're like, these two guys are kind of gay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was what they did with the kind of game.

[B]

One of them's mentally ill. Yeah.

[A]

They're like, one's gay, one's gay and retarded. Yeah. And he's mean.

[B]

Yeah. And then it kind of like, what's. What frustrated me about it is like, the first gladiator movie is like, you know, it's. It's like sort of. I wish I could come up with a better word than childish, but it's Gladiator 1. Gladiator 1. It's like, you know, it's this guy, and he's in the army and he's loyal, and then he's a good boy. He's betrayed by a coward, and then he has to, you know, the best. He pushes through and. But it's like a. It's. It's. It does no real analysis of the problems in Rome other than like, oh, there's this. He's already the emperor. He's the guy. Marcus Aurelius is already the emperor. He's like, you know what I would love to do? Not now. But I mean, he's like Joe Biden. He's like, I'm going to stay the emperor, but once I'm dead, then.

[A]

Then let it go.

[B]

No more emperors. We give it back to the people. But for now, I'm.

[A]

They should have made him like Biden. What are you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, we're gonna give it back to the Senate.

[A]

He goes, yeah. Oh, hey, hey, Maximus, you're strong.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know my friend Corn. Corn pop, right? You fought him in the little arena.

[B]

Emperor Biden, you just killed everyone in Gaul. How do you feel about that? Check it out. I got a stingray chariot.

[A]

Pretty cool. He was like the Emperor.

[B]

1967 Chevrolet Chariot.

[A]

You like ice cream? Watch me eat ice cream. Yeah, he did. This is.

[B]

This is Phoenician piss.

[A]

We sacked it.

[B]

That was a delicacy.

[A]

Yeah. Really Phoenician p. We sacked the damn place. And now I drink it. I drink it like lemonade, right? Yeah. Yeah, but you're right. They didn't have any. It was.

[B]

I'm starting to realize which. Which is good, because you don't want to do that. Because if you wade into this, like, political territory that has any kind of current overlay.

[A]

Oh, you're gonna.

[B]

Then it. Then it complicates the story.

[A]

You're like, well, people are gonna be pulled out of it.

[B]

Yeah. It's like, well, this guy's not really. He's like. He was just this imperialist, you know, just like, conquering all of these lands. He's not really a good guy. If you want to put it in that context, the second one, that's what Denzel's character is. He's sort of like this Joker guy that's like, why don't I like Rome? Because I was a fucking slave.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You want to be an emperor because, like, these emperors suck. But you're gonna be an emperor. You're gonna, like, restore power to the Senate to a certain degree, but you're going to be the emperor and you're going to have a slave. Probably, like, so we're not. Nobody's talking about slavery at all. So Denzel's like, yeah, I want to just kind of fuck up the whole thing. Yeah.

[A]

Burn it all down, right?

[B]

Yeah, basically. But also kill that guy. And it's like, you know, kind of. It's like the same problem as the third Batman movie, where it's like, you can't just give me Batman. Don't try to make any kind of commentary on what's going on.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't even think about that. Yeah, well, Batman 3 was like the Dark Knight Rises. They're like, do we have a point for you? And you're like, I kind of just like the way Batman was fighting his enemies.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Like, that's kind of what I wanted. I didn't want to Tail of Two Cities.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

I wanted, like, Batman to fight Penguin.

[B]

Yeah. And then the other movie, too. It's like that came out right when, like, they were really starting to figure out they were, like, dialing in all the integration of, like, digital effects in the movies and stuff. And when you first see the Coliseum in Gladiator 1, it's like, holy shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, it's amazing. You get. You really get a sense of, like, what that must have been like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How giant if you were some fucking idiot, you know, in sandals, you know.

[A]

Some guy that was eating dirt sandwiches. And now you're up in Rome.

[B]

And then in this one, it's just like a quick establishing shot. You know, he's like, oh, he's a slave now. Here's the Coliseum.

[A]

That's what it felt like. It Felt like they just were, like, taking stuff and being like, remember this? There it is.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

There, like, the. Like, how slow it took Russell Crowe to get to the Coliseum in the first one. He, like, fought different levels. It did it for our basic brains. It was like a workup to the reveal, making it worth something.

[B]

And the best character in the movie is what, Pedro.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He dies. Yeah, Right away.

[A]

Also, as someone that had a stepdad, you don't forgive that quick.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

He's like, I love you. I love your mom. I love you.

[B]

Well, he wasn't his stepdad. He never met the guy.

[A]

Well, that's the whole point. But they. The way they resolve it, he just goes like, I love your mom. I love Rome. I loved Maximus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, spoiler alert. He gets arrowed up, and then he's like. And then the other guy, the main character's like, no, I really liked you. No, dude, I've had a ton of stepdads.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't like him until 20 years after the fact, right? Where you go, nick was a good guy.

[B]

But then that would get into, like, you know, too much stepdad politics stuff.

[A]

In the writer room, they go, we just gotta. We gotta blaze right by the stepdad stuff.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because that's what it. It felt like everything solved itself so quick in the sequel that you're like, this sucks. That's what I felt like.

[B]

I don't know. I. I took my dad to see it, and I saw the first movie with my dad. Yeah. It was, like. It was just nice to take, and he loved it.

[A]

So, I mean, here's the thing. On the surface, it gives you everything you want.

[B]

Exactly. And that's what I mean by. They're not, like, taking risks.

[A]

No.

[B]

They had a smart choice, I guess, if you want, you know, audiences to be like, yep, I got everything. I was expecting, well, that they check the boxes. Yeah. Right.

[A]

And if an audience member wants his boxes checked, they're gonna be fun.

[B]

There had been. There had been, like, rumors and iterations of scripts throughout the last 20 years. And it was like, you know, he's gonna be a time traveler, and Jesus is gonna be there, and they're gonna do all this crazy shit.

[A]

I would have preferred that.

[B]

Well, that's what I mean. It's like. But because of. I think it's. George Lucas. Ruined it for everybody with fucking Jar Jar dude.

[A]

Yeah, that Caribbean pimp.

[B]

Yeah, Right?

[A]

Coming in and sucking his teeth.

[B]

Dialed it back just a little bit. We still be able to have Creativity in the big budget movies.

[A]

Well, people loved the original. I think it was the selling of Disney. Yeah, I think he sold it to this because I watched those Alien.

[B]

Same thing. Like, I love Prometheus and Covenant.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

I think they're great. And when it came out, I like, my recollection is that people were shitting off them.

[A]

They On Prometheus because they were like, oh, this was an Alien prequel. But you didn't give us any Alien. And you're like, no, they gave it to you at the end.

[B]

Yeah, kind of.

[A]

Yeah. Well, but they. You understand the. Where the xenomorph comes. Comes from. Yeah, that was like, to me, more interesting than anything. Like, that's why I liked 1, 2 and 3 of Star Wars. Because it's interesting to watch how Anakin goes to the dark side. Yeah, Prometheus was cool because you learned that. Oh, the architects, like, put their D.

[B]

The biggest problem I had with the prequels is somehow like, Anakin ages 20 years while his wife is like, yeah, she's like a pedophile. And then he's a pedophile.

[A]

My last one, that was great. By the end, they really just did a thing between one and two where they go, all right, that was kind of weird in the first one. What if they now. Yeah, they really made it where Anakin.

[B]

I only watched the first of the sequels. Oh, yeah, the one with the Adam Driver.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kylo Ren and C3PO has a red arm in it. And I was like, why is his arm red?

[A]

You know what I was missing? I just realized I confused C3PO for R2D2 when you made that point. C3PO, you're right. Would bug the out of people.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

If he was in episode one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If they would have put Jar jar Binks with R2D2.

[B]

Yeah. They're like, oh, so even the robots got to be gay.

[A]

Yeah, that's exactly what he'd like.

[B]

That's like why he's British.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, a gay British guy.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

It's a.

[B]

It's a British movie to have at least 50% homosexual.

[A]

They have to have a foppy gay British man if it's going to be funded. Well, yeah. That's always funny when you find out movies are funded by other countries. Like, like Israel.

[B]

Like every movie.

[A]

Every movie is really fun movie. No, but they did, like when I found out Fifth Element was a French movie, like, it was funded by French companies and stuff. I remember Shane and I were watching the Meg with Jason Statham. And out of. We're. We're maybe like 15 minutes into it.

[B]

And he goes, you mean Jason Statham was there with Shane. I have to check now.

[A]

He goes, you're right, Shane. That is pretty gay. I didn't even realize that. I love Bud Lights.

[B]

My best friend, Shane.

[A]

Yeah. He goes, me, Shane and Brian. 6.

[B]

Have you ever thought about killing everyone on SNL?

[A]

He goes, Shane, what if you go back?

[B]

We could go. We could go in there, assassinate Lauren. We could kill all of them.

[A]

All of them. Bow and Yang.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

He goes, it's pretty chill.

[B]

No, no, I think Bones a man, dude.

[A]

Yeah, he's the man. No, dude, he really is the man. And then he's like, I'm serious. We made it.

[B]

I was like, yeah, I heard. Jason Statham wants to kill me. Shane's like, no, Jason's the man, dude.

[A]

No, he's the man. He's not gonna kill you. He's like, no, I'm dead serious. Yeah, we're gonna go in.

[B]

I'm going to.

[A]

Lauren Michaels is like, that's it. You're gonna host.

[B]

Jason Statham thinks he needs to sneak in as a Chinese person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's got the Raiden hat, the silk.

[A]

The silk collar.

[B]

I'm Bowen's mom.

[A]

He goes, It's Mrs. Yang. I'm here to see Bo.

[B]

I'm looking for my son.

[A]

You are not a Chinese woman. The lady does this. He's got.

[B]

He's got the white eyes off.

[A]

No, me. Very sorry.

[B]

Do you know where the circuit breaker is I took.

[A]

I need to find out where all the parags are.

[B]

I'm drawing a bath for my son.

[A]

Bowen? Yeah.

[B]

Do you have a toaster?

[A]

Don't mind the toaster. He likes to take baths.

[B]

I was gonna make him a toaster. Strudel.

[A]

For a bath and a strudel. It's an old Chinese recipe.

[B]

It's a chai. It's some Chinese.

[A]

Don't worry, love. It's some Chinese. I think. I think Jason Statham's here to kill Baron again.

[B]

He's just leaving in an M5 with bow in the trunk.

[A]

Oh, don't stop. Only for Orangina.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Shane's like, no, no, for real, though. Statham is the man.

[B]

That scene made me want an orange, you know, so bad.

[A]

In the. In the Transporter. Last time I saw you, we were talking about Transporter.

[B]

I love those movies.

[A]

God damn, they're great. Rule number 44. I love orange. Gina for you.

[B]

I love his house, too.

[A]

Oh, that old French castle right at.

[B]

The end of like a dock.

[A]

And he has an escape in the bottom. Yeah. Transporter. We need. I think we do need to do a watch along. Oh, me and you.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Once you quit, once you're out of the game, I'll bring you back in for one job.

[B]

I'm not out of the game, I think.

[A]

No, I'm talking about the podcast.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I. If. If I stop doing my own podcast the next year, I'll still have to podcast to promote road dates. And then I'm thinking Jason Statham. Well, yeah, no, you just go watch. You just go hit everybody else's podcast.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. No, but when you come back in.

[B]

My apartments, racing setup, VR headsets. I don't have all this. It in there.

[A]

Yeah. You can just concentrate on what you want to do.

[B]

Right, Exactly.

[A]

You come back here, plug your. By watching the transporter with me, and we go through the rules.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we'll put out a book.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of transporter rules.

[B]

You got to tell them the weight of the package.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's one rule.

[A]

One rule is way in the package. Another one, never look in the trunk. Isn't that his rule?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He breaks it immediately.

[B]

Yeah. Right. He's like, never look in the package.

[A]

That's what it is. And then he opens it and realizes it's a hot.

[B]

It's a Chinese lady.

[A]

Then he's like, well, I can't. Okay, let's.

[B]

It's crazy too. It's like, there's no way. That's the first time that's happened to this guy.

[A]

He is clearly a drug addict.

[B]

You transport things.

[A]

You're a drug addict. It's drug addict behavior.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's going like, I'm gonna look what's in there. It's like meth behavior.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, I need to look. You think I drive 26 hours.

[B]

It's the hostages.

[A]

Yeah. I'm working for Hamas.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I didn't even know it.

[B]

That'd be. That'd be sick, dude.

[A]

A transporter.

[B]

If on all the, like, October 7th footage there was one bald gazing guy with a BMW, an untouched M3. Yeah. Right.

[A]

What if you found out that this was the new viral marketing?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You go, do you know the Israel, Israel, Palestinian conflict was.

[B]

I'd be like, I'm. I'm wrong, dude. The Jews know how to do Hollywood.

[A]

At the very end, Trump takes office, they release these, the hostages, and they go, by the way, this was all for Transporter six.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And you go.

[B]

And then we see the hostages, like they're all filing out and it's like the post credits.

[A]

Yeah. Or they. And they do the thing. Or they do the old 90s thing where they talk to what they thought about the movie.

[B]

Well, the hostages are leaving and there's like one IDF soldier is looking at like there's one more hostage that's still turned back towards Palestine. He's got like a hoodie on it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like he's closed. And he's like, you coming? You come to.

[A]

You come, it's over.

[B]

How do you come to. And then he turns around and it's Vin Diesel.

[A]

Oh. And he takes the dude. You know what Vin Diesel does really well? He's taking hoods off.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if you heard this.

[B]

I think I lost my keys.

[A]

I don't know if you know this, but the west bank is open for.

[B]

That's fascinating. The Furious 8. It's him driving a bulldozer through.

[A]

Through all the settlements, through a refugee camp. He's like, you know what's better than family? Breaking up family.

[B]

Killing people.

[A]

He's killing family. Jason's day. Them. Vin Diesel and the transporter. Fast. The Fast and Furious Transporter.

[B]

They're all upset because Letty can't remember the Holocaust.

[A]

Yeah. His brain's wiped out. What do you mean never again? What the hell do you mean, Letty?

[B]

There were 6 million of them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's like, I don't. All I know is you're my enemy now.

[A]

Yeah. I fight you. In short. In short contained spaces. They never usually. That's what Fast and Furious loves to do is a fight scene that's maybe 10ft. That's all you have to move. They love like a quick. Yeah, they don't.

[B]

Like a transporter does that too.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

When he's fighting the guys with the. The candelabra.

[A]

Yeah, that was great. Who wins in a fight? Vin Diesel, Jason Statham.

[B]

I think you. I think you have to do characters rather.

[A]

Yeah, I'm sorry. The Transporter vs Dom. The Transporter easily vs Liam Neeson in Taken. I don't know what his character.

[B]

So it's a three way fight.

[A]

It's a triple threat match.

[B]

Well then obviously Liam Neeson, because he's going to let the other two guys fight and then once he sees an opportunity.

[A]

Was the answer the whole time.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I was just seeing if you knew it, you know your shit.

[B]

He's over there pissing himself.

[A]

I like to. I like to fill my diaper.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It'd be funny if, like, somebody finally asked him this because you've seen all the pictures of him pissing himself.

[A]

Yeah, he does that. Does he do that because he drinks or. He does that because he's just.

[B]

I think because the rumors.

[A]

He's got the biggest. One of the biggest penises.

[B]

I don't think that that's. It's not like his penis is pulling the urine out. I don't think that that's.

[A]

You don't know how the gravity of his.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He's like, oh, that.

[B]

Well, there's a question for the Interstellar consultants.

[A]

Yeah. Just to go back.

[B]

The UCLA guy they hired help write.

[A]

That movie, he goes, is Liam Neeson's penis so big it pulls piss out of his bladder?

[B]

Well, I. I always like to imagine that in those moments where he's pissed himself, he's remembering the Haunted.

[A]

The movie, the Haunted.

[B]

The movie, the Haunted.

[A]

That's how scared he is.

[B]

The house was so scary.

[A]

Do you understand?

[B]

I remember the house.

[A]

I'll be on set of anything. Rob Roy, too.

[B]

Every day I'd piss myself back behind the rocks. There was a mirror that turns into a guy.

[A]

It's terrifying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I piss myself every time he does. How many times? How many pictures have you seen?

[B]

The Haunted, the movie.

[A]

I remember it coming out. Didn't see it. Scary movies scare me.

[B]

It's a little boy that scary. But it's worth it just to see the sets. They killed it with that. The house is awesome.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, it looks really cool.

[A]

The Haunted.

[B]

The movie itself is terrible, but the house is great.

[A]

And he's just the dad of the family that moves in.

[B]

No, no. So the premise, there's. And I confuse it with House on Haunted Hill, but I think it's like. It's similar to the House on Haunted Hill, where it's like you spend a night here. Or they're doing, like. They're doing research.

[A]

Paranormal activity.

[B]

The psychologist doing research on, like, what happens if people stay overnight in this house. It's for insomniacs or something.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So they're like, oh, what if we put insomniacs in a haunted house?

[A]

And then I might watch this movie this weekend in Sacramento.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then this. That seems like a good road movie.

[B]

Yeah. And then the woman that, like, she finds out, she's like the descendant or some bullshit. House on Haunted Hill is great, but.

[A]

The haunted is a piece of shit.

[B]

Except for the house itself.

[A]

That's enough. For me to watch it. Emily and Neeson knowing he pisses himself because he thinks of the house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is there like a long. Like, how many times does he pissed himself?

[B]

Like, it's. There's as many pictures of him pissing himself as there are pictures of Vinnie Jones grabbing people's testicles.

[A]

Vinnie Jones loves to grab nuts. There's like, when he was a pro soccer player. Did it when he was a Hollywood.

[B]

He continues to do it. Yeah. Now he's, like, trying to rent a car at Avis. He's like, grabbing.

[A]

What are you doing?

[B]

They're like, we don't have any cars.

[A]

Yeah. He goes, I'm sorry, we have the reservation. Yeah. He's a big dude, too.

[B]

It's going to be right hand draw.

[A]

That's when. Oh, here we go. Dude. Liam Neeson pissing himself. Why does Liam Neeson pee his pants so much? Liam Neeson. I mean, look at this.

[B]

It seems. And it seems. It's crazy because that's a. A lesser crime, but it seems like it's easier to yourself than piss yourself. Yeah. Who is he talking to?

[A]

I don't know. He must be scared. Yeah, but they're like, you know what it is?

[B]

You know, he's got his face painted like Jigsaw.

[A]

I did it again.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Damn it. You do a good jigsaw.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've pissed my pants. Stop scaring me. The easiest scared man in the world.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You surprised me again.

[B]

Hey, Liam. Boo.

[A]

Oh, no. It's happening. Yeah, look. Look down. It's happening.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Could it be that he is pissing, doesn't shake well enough, and then puts it away and the piss goes everywhere.

[B]

I do that all the time.

[A]

Me, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I did that at the stand one time and Katie caught me. She was like, did you. She was with me and she was like, did you piss your pants?

[B]

And I was like, yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I think it might have been these jeans because they were light.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And I just had, like, piss.

[B]

I got a pair of, like, Nike, like, green. Like.

[A]

I guess they're for, like, track pants.

[B]

Yeah, something like that. But they're. They have a very absorbent material, and just anytime I'm wearing those, it's just.

[A]

You just. But it's that you don't shake.

[B]

I try to, and then I just. I guess I'm not done. I'll go through a. Pete was like. Pete was like, what? You have to do. He's like, you actually have to press up underneath your balls. And there's. I'm Like, I'm not doing. I'm just gonna put piss myself.

[A]

Yeah. What is that?

[B]

I'm not doing? If my. If. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. That's not my problem, dude.

[A]

You're about to. You're about to be in a race with Liam Neeson where most pictures of you pissing.

[B]

I got these, like, fleece North Face pants. They were on clearance at Paragon, like, last year. And those. They don't absorb anything. So when you piss yourself in those, it's like, all down your leg. You can feel it all over your leg.

[A]

So what, it just bounces off?

[B]

Yeah, it just bounces off the. The fibers.

[A]

Yeah. It's like n. Get out. It's piss resistant.

[B]

Yeah. Bas.

[A]

You just have piss running down your leg Pretty much, dude. Because jeans will sop it up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jeans. Any. Any little drop of piss.

[B]

And it's. Every time it happens, you're like. You can feel. You're like, ah, Maybe it won't be. It's like stepping in a puddle.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where you're like, maybe it won't be that bad.

[A]

Yeah. And always it's. It's when you put it away and then you go, like, ash, piss. There's piss going all down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I can't take it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But we just need to be open. I think Liam Neeson's the way to go. Just rock it. It.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Just walk around with it.

[B]

Well, what's the. What is the consequence?

[A]

Nothing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Two guys talking about it on a podcast.

[B]

Liam Neeson has not lost any work over this.

[A]

No. If anything, it adds to his mystique.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you go, he's so good at acting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He doesn't care that he don't associate.

[B]

With any of the characters. I don't watch Qui Gon and think, this guy pisses himself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know?

[A]

Yeah. Oscar Schindler. I don't think pisses Qui.

[B]

Gone by the name would be Jason Statham's name. Name. When he sneaks into snl, he goes.

[A]

I'm Qui Gon Yang.

[B]

My name is Qui Gon Jin.

[A]

Qui Gon Jinn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm here to see my little baby boy.

[B]

All right. Qui Gon, you're not on the list.

[A]

But you're sure you're Bowen's mother, Bones.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I've got to get him this toast.

[B]

Sounds good to me, or he's not.

[A]

Going to be good in this sketch. Also, I'm here because of Shane Gillis.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He goes, no, no. Did Shane send You. He's been trying to send an assassin.

[B]

Shane's the man.

[A]

Dude, I love. He's. Honestly, I always said that Lauren Michaels has a relationship with Shane. Like a guy who got caught cheating on his wife with a stripper, but he still tries to contact the stripper where he's like, so how's everything going in Ocala? You still live in your life? And Shane's like, yeah, it's pretty cool down here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My wife said we could probably open it up, you know, if you want to come back up here and party a little bit.

[B]

Have you seen. Is he in Philly right now or is he backed in Austin?

[A]

I think he's moving to Austin. He's back in Austin.

[B]

Austin, okay. Well, he moved to Austin a while ago, but then he was just in Philly. They were shooting.

[A]

There were seven months. He lived on a farm. It was awesome.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I went up there and saw his farm.

[B]

He has a farm?

[A]

I mean, like a house. It's like a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.

[B]

Are there animals there?

[A]

There were like animals next door.

[B]

Like in someone else's farm.

[A]

Yeah, he didn't. He wasn't.

[B]

So he doesn't. He doesn't have a farm. He has a house with a lot of land.

[A]

Yeah, but a house with land.

[B]

But it's a yard.

[A]

But it was like a barn. There was like a barn there.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Okay. All right, all right. I would say he's not a farmer.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But he had.

[B]

It's also not a farm.

[A]

It's not a farm.

[B]

It's a house.

[A]

It's a house. Yeah, it's a house with a barn.

[B]

Go crazy here.

[A]

It's a house with a barn and slave quarters.

[B]

I like that. When like, you know people. Some guys like, oh, I got a compound. It's a house, you know, you have.

[A]

A house with an above ground pool. Yeah.

[B]

You're parking your car in the backyard.

[A]

It's not a. No, you go, don't do it.

[B]

Have. Where's the fence?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where are the security cameras?

[A]

Where's any of the security.

[B]

I don't see a single swastika anywhere around.

[A]

Where are your flags? Where are your flags? You're flying for your enemy.

[B]

Also, I rewatched frequency the other night.

[A]

What's that one? Is that the Jody Foster one?

[B]

It's a good dead dad movie.

[A]

I love it. That's why I think I know it. It's the Jody.

[B]

No, that's Contact, which is.

[A]

That's a dead dad one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know My genre.

[B]

And then it's frequency is what Frequency is. It's Jim Caviezel and Dennis Quaid. And the movie starts and it's 1969. Dennis Quaid's is like. He's like a queen's firefighter.

[A]

Great.

[B]

And he's like. He's. He's the. He's like the Tom Cruise one where they're like. You know, the opening scene is a gas truck flips over and spills into this, like, orphanage. Well, not an orphanage, but, like, underground, where, like, Con Ed guys are working on electricity.

[A]

Even better.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's nothing better than abandoned babies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tough working America.

[B]

So all of this fuel spills into this underground, and what do they do?

[A]

They go, what is he raining?

[B]

The wires are hanging down. Right. Which is very funny because it's like if you were trapped in an underground passage filled with gasoline, you would just die immediately. From the fumes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also, the electricity would make the gas blow up immediately. Yeah. From the fumes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so he has to rush into the gas while, you know, like, the wires are almost touching as it fills with gasoline.

[A]

Where they, like. They do the thing where they, like, dry hump.

[B]

He gets the guys out, and then the. The electricity touches the gasoline just in.

[A]

The nick of time.

[B]

Right. And then he jumps out of the manhole when, you know, so he's like. And then, you know, then he's on his motorcycle. He loves baseball.

[A]

You know, he loves his son.

[B]

My boy Johnny's gonna be a baseball player.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I need to watch this.

[B]

And then Dennis Quaid. The first couple of scenes, you know, figuring out what a New York accent is, is very funny. He's like, you know what? We. What are we gonna do? We're gonna play ball this afternoon.

[A]

He goes, ball.

[B]

We're playing ball this afternoon.

[A]

With one sentence.

[B]

I'm a firefighter. I'm a firefighter.

[A]

I'm a firefighter. Firefighter, fighter. Just him. Absolutely melting down, trying to find a New York. I'm a fire fighter. I don't got it.

[B]

And then he dials it in. But then it's like. Then it. You know, it cuts to, like, 30 years. Basically, the premise is Jim Caviezel is his son.

[A]

Yeah. Grown up now.

[B]

His dad dies in a fire, and now it's. It's 30 years later, Aurora Borealis is happening.

[A]

Done.

[B]

And so his neighbor, he's still in his childhood home. His neighbor brings his son over to borrow some fishing equipment. So he's like, yeah, you can look, you know, in my dad's stuff I think he's got in there.

[A]

So Caviezel's grown.

[B]

Diesel's still living with his rent.

[A]

30 parents.

[B]

No, his mom's moved out. He's just in the childhood home.

[A]

Can I tell you, I had a friend that did that. And it's weird as.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When they live in their childhood home. He. It was only brief.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But him and his wife, like, lived in the master bedroom. And I was like, your parents. It's like in there.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Isn't that weird? It is weird to like, how do you get a boner?

[B]

But that's what, like, that's what royalty would do forever, right?

[A]

Like, have sex in the same bed Your grandfather. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Made your father. And honestly, it's probably a kink for him, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're probably like, talk about how great grandpa.

[B]

We haven't washed the sheets in 300 years.

[A]

Yeah. You see that sheen is your grandmama's. Come.

[B]

I wonder about that. Like, you know how old people have a smell. Smell. And I think, like, does that just what people smelled like in the 30s, dude. I develop it. Like, your. Your old skin is like a different.

[A]

I think your old skin, it's almost like a fruit. Like, you rot. I read this book about the Donner party.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they go out of their way to go. People stunk back. The author is like, you have no idea how many bugs and. And how much people smelled. But they also talked about how I don't.

[B]

I don't smell. I have terrible hygiene. And I can go. I can go literally weeks without my clothes. And you will not know. Other than the fact.

[A]

Are you sure?

[B]

Yes. And you. Other than I'm, like, covered in, like, stains.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But who's confirmed I'm wearing the same clothes? Everyone.

[A]

Everyone around you goes, you don't know.

[B]

It'll take a lot for me to really start to stink.

[A]

Has there been a moment where you've gone long?

[B]

Oh, yeah, Always. That's when I change my clothes. I'll take a shower and change my clothes.

[A]

Honestly, it's. It's pretty. I change my clothes every day.

[B]

You know Cat Ramzinski, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In Austin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's very dumb and she's very gullible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she's great. I mean, yeah, she's cool, but very easy to lie and trick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's like. And so when I lived in Austin, me and Cubis would just like, lie to her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, tell her a fantastic story. Like, we told her.

[A]

Were you big Fisher?

[B]

We told Her. I had a dead wife named Skyla Dust who was stung to death by bees.

[A]

And how long did that, how long.

[B]

Did she always believe.

[A]

Does she still think you have a dead ex?

[B]

I know eventually we were like, you know, because eventually, you know, we'd let her have it for a while and be like, ah, you believe that, you idiot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, you bring her up to just.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Laugh at her, I guess.

[A]

But how long did she think you had a dead ex wife?

[B]

For a while. For a while. And I was like 20 years old.

[A]

At the time too, so what were you. It was a child bride.

[B]

No, I said on Facebook I had my status as widowed, I guess because I thought it was funny. And then, and then I think it was actually her friend was like, can I ask you, like, what happened?

[A]

Did you tell, did you with her?

[B]

It was funny when I. Yeah, well, I told her and Kat was there. But the, the. When I moved to New York, I had Harvard as my education.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I forget which comic it was, but somebody told me that another comic was like, that guy's like, he was like a Harvard guy.

[A]

Dude. That's absolutely. By the way, just how you did that is absolutely how everyone talks, dude, that guy.

[B]

Yeah, I used to just wear, I used to just wear a Harvard shirt. I remember that. And yeah, and people would like, you know, which. And then Jeffrey Epstein, I found out he did the same thing.

[A]

Oh, he just lied about it.

[B]

Yeah, he would wear a Harvard shirt.

[A]

That's how stupid we are.

[B]

Yeah, right, exactly.

[A]

I remember we. I thought it was funny for a while and I said this on the bonfire, but for a little bit, I would tell other comedians that other comedians were emancipated from their family.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like when they were 15.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, it was specifically Michelle Wolf is who I did it to. Yeah, yeah. At the Cellar with somebody, I go, you know, she's like emancipated from her family. Yeah. Like what?

[B]

It's very funny.

[A]

Yeah. Like 15. She, like got a divorce.

[B]

The same word for slaves. 17 year olds that want to smoke cigarettes.

[A]

It's.

[B]

It's the same type of oppression.

[A]

Well, there was a civil war fought for this emancipation. And also Steve and Debbie are mean.

[B]

Yeah. No, I was wearing that Harvard shirt one time. This, this like black dude was like, oh, Harvard, huh? Yeah, you like, you like a big shot or something, huh? He's like, you know, I went there too. I went there too. You know, I was like, oh, I didn't go there. I just bought the shirt in the gift shop. And it, like, completely derailed whatever he was trying to do. He's trying to, like, check me or something. I was like, yeah, no, you can just buy this shirt. And then people think you went to Harvard.

[A]

He's like, oh, I was gonna ask who. You're right. Who your RA was, your freshman.

[B]

I think he was, like, annoyed that I was wearing the shirt. Because even if you went to Harvard, that's like a move to walk around with a Harvard shirt on. Yeah, that's like, I don't think anybody who actually went to Harvard has the clothes. It's people that went to. You can buy it in the airport in Boston.

[A]

No, no, no. People that go to Harvard have the clothes. They, like, work out in them. They, like, do, like. What they do is they want the attention, but they're acting subtly about. About it. So they're like. They'll play, like, pickleball in it and be like, harvard, huh? He's like, yeah, that's where I got my bachelor's. You know, they love. They love rocking their merch.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

But that's why. That's why he was so fired up about you doing it.

[B]

Yeah, but it was probably the people.

[A]

That don't probably hate the people that do.

[B]

The tone was very like, oh, yeah, we, you know, rep your set. Yeah. Kind of like.

[A]

He's like, where you from? Where your grandma stay? Like, I was in. I was in the Iliad, you know.

[B]

The kind of goodwill hunting.

[A]

I was kind of basement. Yeah. I just. I kind of stay. I slept on a couch.

[B]

Yeah, I was doing, like, math in the basement.

[A]

That's why you couldn't find me. I was mathing it up in the basement. There's people. I mean, like, comics love to do that to other comics and be like, yeah, he's only.

[B]

Why is he a janitor in that movie, too, by the way?

[A]

Who will. Hunting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it makes the movie better. Better.

[B]

Yeah, but I mean, it's like, I can understand, like, you know, you can be a. All his friends are like, blue collar guys that have, like, trades jobs. Right.

[A]

Oh, you think that he took the shittiest job.

[B]

Why does he have the shittiest job? And they all know. They're like, oh, he's. Oh, this guy's smart.

[A]

Yeah, he's wicked. Smack.

[B]

That's why he must be doing something else. He could do something. Smack.

[A]

Do you think it was because he.

[B]

Was making, like, a quarter million dollars a year with, like, a general contracting firm?

[A]

Yeah. Or he could go get it. Right.

[B]

I think that's how much you could.

[A]

Go get his own company. If he went and got his apprentice license.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, became an electrician.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That guy would be pulling in, like, three.

[B]

And then what's his. What's his. Like, his drama is that his dad hit him.

[A]

He was like one of 10 kids, and he was beaten a lot.

[B]

But it. Wouldn't that also be all of his friends?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so. But he's the only one also, it. Was he sexually assaulted in the movie by Robin Williams. Yeah.

[A]

It's like, oh, oh. You notice how you. Oh, your penis gets an asshole.

[B]

Now it's a pussy. Oh, it can be bald.

[A]

Oh, look, it's a soft penis. Now it's a hard penis. Now I'm making Mr. Winky disappearing in my mouth.

[B]

Good morning.

[A]

He goes, oh, look, your penis turn into a microphone. Just stop it. Suck it and get rid of it. Oh, oh, oh, I'm touching you. You trust me.

[B]

We had guys like you in Saigon.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

They should dress them up, make them real pretty.

[A]

If someone was. I wish they would have gone back and wrote. Wrote all of the Robin Williams characters to be continuous. So like Hudson Rush. Like Moscow on the Hudson.

[B]

They kind of did. Right. Every movie he's in, they're like, there's no script. Do whatever you want.

[A]

Well, there's a point where they just let him jazz it around.

[B]

You know what I also re. Watched in the last year that I forgot how good it was was Death of Smoochie.

[A]

I never. With Edwin Norton.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I haven't watched this since.

[B]

That movie's so good.

[A]

Who did that movie? Who directed?

[B]

I can't remember, but it's very well written.

[A]

It's, like, dark.

[B]

It's dark and it's very funny.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's a great. That was like, right at the time when Barney was huge.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It was like, a great.

[B]

Yeah. And it's such, like, an inventive.

[A]

Do you think Hollywood's completely done doing.

[B]

Those movies, doing, like, like, money on stuff? I think it's like, the reason, you know, like, 1999 is the big year. And this is just. I have known nothing about, you know, like, what actually caused it, but there was just more money. They were buying more scripts in the 90s. They were taking bigger risks, like, things were making more money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then after, you know, the economy, the downturn in the 2000s, it's like they stopped spending money on things.

[A]

And do you think it was bonuses?

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Like, I feel like bonuses got crazy after, like, 2005, like, you used to hear about, like. Like. Like a CEO would get a bonus of, like, a million dollars. I don't know where it was, like.

[B]

To a certain extent. I mean, like, private equity is buying up everything, but they've done that with the entertainment industry. But I thought it was just like, the agencies and stuff just taking more money. Well, just hollowing out the agencies, which, like, it's very funny when agents are in a bad position, and then if they even, like, start to complain to you about it and you're like, oh, man, that sucks.

[A]

It's really hard.

[B]

A lot of people are getting fired. Oh, that's terrible.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Oh, no. That sounds really hard.

[A]

Oh, no. But anyways, did you get me work? And they go, well, I'm kind of worried about myself right now.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

[B]

I just bought a director.

[A]

Danny DeVito directed Death to Smoochie.

[B]

Are you sure he's not just in the movie? Oh, okay. Oh, I did not know that. Great movie.

[A]

That's like, when you find out Ben Stiller directed Cable Guy.

[B]

I want to make a movie about Barney, but I want him dead. Yeah.

[A]

And they're like, all right.

[B]

It's a movie where Bonnie's gone crazy.

[A]

Yeah. But now he does those jersey. Those Jersey mics. Commercials. Oh, that's all.

[B]

I thought that was sto.

[A]

In those jersey. No, dude, stobs in a.

[B]

That's. That's Danny DeVito. Okay?

[A]

Stobs in a fireball commercial with Andrew Santino that every time, it throws me off. Whenever my friends are in commercials, Shane's in that Bud Light commercial. It throws me off.

[B]

I have not seen the Shane Bud Bud Light.

[A]

The latest one's good, where he's like, in the wrong commercial. He's in the cologne commercial. And Jason Solomon.

[B]

They should do a Bud Light commercial with Shane where it's like. And it's with the understanding, like, it's Shane. I'm the Bud Light guy now. And everybody's, like, high fiving him. He's going to. He's going to football games. Everyone's like, yeah, Bud Light. Shane Gillis or whatever.

[A]

Kid rocks back drinking it.

[B]

And then he gets home from a late day or whatever. And then he's like, ah, it's kind of hot in my apartment. So he puts on a house fan or whatever. And then he's taking a phone call from Bruce Springsteen.

[A]

Yeah. He's like, walks. I just want to let you know.

[B]

Why I love Bud Light. I'm doing a song for Times Ted Nugent. He's like, shane, my best friend, dude.

[A]

Hey, dude, let's go hunting.

[B]

And he's like, how you doing? He's like, ah, it's just. I guess we're getting the heater installed in the farm, so it's like. Or the. The air conditioner installed in the farm, so it's so hot. And then Shane walks too close to the house fan, and it cuts his penis off.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

And he's like, I don't have a penis.

[A]

How am I gonna drink my butt light?

[B]

Then he doesn't have a penis anymore. And the doctors are like, the best option. You're gonna bleed to death unless we turn it into a. Oh, no. And so they have to turn it into a pussy.

[A]

And then.

[B]

And then. Then he. And he goes outside of the farm. The press is all there, and a gust of wind blows his pants off.

[A]

Like a Marilyn Monroe. Like Marilyn Monroe.

[B]

And everyone sees the. And they're like, shane's trans now. And then. And then people are like, should we stop drinking Bud Light? And they're like, nah, dude, it's Shane. It's for everybody, including the tranny Bud Light. Yeah.

[A]

And then he puts it up and he cheers. It's a. Like a. It's like a black.

[B]

Yeah, Dylan. Dylan Mulany dressed as Derek Chevine. And. And he's like. He's like, cheers, bro. And then George Floyd cheers.

[A]

And he goes. He goes, written House is crying because he's so overwhelmed with the love.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah. This is kind of like the Kylie Jenner commercial.

[B]

That's what I was thinking. Yeah.

[A]

This is the Bud Light transversion.

[B]

Shane, if you're listening, please pitch this. I love. I love bothering him.

[A]

Yeah. Just setting up.

[B]

I texted him the other, like, a week or, I don't know, a month ago. I was like. I was like, look, I know you have contact with the Trump team. Please, just. If there's any way you can, like, fucking pitch me for Secretary of the Interior, that would be. And then, honestly, he didn't respond. And then I was like, just following up on this, man. It's like the windows are going to close.

[A]

Using the agents. Yeah, I just want to double back. Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, dude, the windows closing. He's like, I can't.

[A]

That's where you.

[B]

I can't do it.

[A]

I can't do it.

[B]

I was like, come on, just at least pitch.

[A]

Just.

[B]

Come on, tj.

[A]

Dude, did Donald Trump.

[B]

You know that they're not going to give it to a Native American, so nobody who gets it?

[A]

How funny would that be, though, if Trump did that where he was like, I've announced lightning skies.

[B]

Well, that's. It always has to go to like somebody that's like, you know, Native American.

[A]

What the. The. What is it called? The.

[B]

And it's usually. It's like a white person with a bolo tie.

[A]

Yeah. What's the position called?

[B]

Secretary of the Interior.

[A]

Secretary of the Interior.

[B]

I think it's always a Native American.

[A]

It's all. It's. Or an old cowboy, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like a prospector.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, there's so much hills to dig. Yeah. Yeah. That is great, though. If Shane was like, hey, bro, I did it. If you got a call. Yeah, Please hold for President Trump.

[B]

I would, I would. I would ask for a massive budget and I would try to do Jurassic Park. We have to have the technology at this point.

[A]

You think they think about all the.

[B]

Fantasy movies from 30 years ago.

[A]

They're now just real Terminators becoming very.

[B]

Terminators real. There's an Instagram account called George Droid and it's like, George Floyd is a robot. And they're. I mean, it's amazing. You got to look at it. George, George, George Droid.

[A]

And they just made an Instagram and he's.

[B]

You go pull up one of the videos. You're like, it's very well done.

[A]

It's wild. That's always the people where. I always thought they were way funnier than me. The people that'll commit to that stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm such a.

[B]

Well, those are artists, you know, Those are real artists.

[A]

Those the ones the agents are afraid of.

[B]

Just. We're just dog shit content creators.

[A]

Yeah. We're just slop makers.

[B]

Yeah. Right. It is very funny to do stand up comedy. It is funny that stand up comedy has the money that it does.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Right now it won't for long.

[B]

Oh, of course not.

[A]

Yeah. Like I would probably say five to 10 years.

[B]

Yeah. I'm just got to get it in now, right? Yeah. Just do what you can. Make the bag and then get out of there. There and throw it all in crypto.

[A]

I guess that's Nick Mullen. That's the.

[B]

I did. I made that mistake the first time around, but now I'm good.

[A]

What, you threw your money into crypto.

[B]

In 2017 and it didn't go well? Well, the market halved. I like, watched it for years and then I was like, I'm in. Yeah. I'm like, well, because we started making money. I'M like, I'm not going to be one of those idiots that doesn't invest.

[A]

Dude, that's so funny. Yeah, that's so funny that you had the foresight to have to go, I'm not a. That doesn't invest.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So I'm going with the riskiest possible crypto.

[B]

But then I didn't. I.

[A]

Did it get wiped out?

[B]

Well, I didn't sell any of it.

[A]

You're still holding on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it bad or good?

[B]

I mean, compared to 2017, it's like, I mean, it was bad for a little bit, but I mean, that was. That was five. At least five years ago.

[A]

Seven years ago.

[B]

I can't do the math on it.

[A]

But it was seven years ago.

[B]

Yeah. So compare it. I mean, it's like, yeah, it's doing much better.

[A]

So you're almost.

[B]

I don't know how to sell it and I don't know that. I don't know the tax implications. And it's like, it's going to be a mess. But I don't.

[A]

Someone dm.

[B]

I don't need the money right now.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yeah. So.

[A]

But also, if it's like at an all time high.

[B]

Yeah, that's the time to sell it.

[A]

But it's.

[B]

I don't, I just don't even think about it as occasionally I'll look and I'll be like, oh, that's nice.

[A]

Yeah, like a house plant.

[B]

Yeah, something like that.

[A]

You, like, walk by, you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's doing all right. It's right in the center, son. Yeah, well, dude, I mean, there's a chance that you could just pull out all your money and then use that to make a movie. Well.

[B]

Oh, I wouldn't do that. Yeah, no, I would find somebody else. Give me the money.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not wasting that.

[B]

Yeah, no, that is.

[A]

You go buy a farm.

[B]

That is.

[A]

With no animals.

[B]

Spending my own money to make a movie that I want to make is way dumber than putting all my money into cryptocurrencies.

[A]

So you think Francis Ford Coppola was stupid for Metro Megalopolis?

[B]

But he's. But he's Francis Ford Coppola. If he wanted to make his first movie ever, Jack, Sure. And he, like decided to put his money into that.

[A]

That would have been.

[B]

That would have been dumb. Yeah.

[A]

Because there was. Wasn't proven.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, if you're making a movie, you don't want to, you know how much. If you're making anything, you don't want the Stress of also being the guy saying no to budget stuff. If you're like, oh, I want to do this. And then immediately you're pulling yourself out of the idea of that because you can't because it costs too much. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With anything, you have to have somebody else saying, that's too expensive.

[A]

You have to have someone there.

[B]

Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, you, you should. You should be like, let's spend as much money as possible.

[A]

Yeah, right. Yeah.

[B]

And then somebody else should be like, no.

[A]

Yeah. You need a governor, right. You need someone that goes like, that ain't gonna work.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Then you go, no, I'm telling you, I'm doing this Droid. Droid. George.

[B]

George Droid.

[A]

George Droid movie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I go, you know, you know, Mullen is really committed to this thing.

[B]

The George Droid. It's me. That's my new project. I'm like, yeah, somebody's doing this.

[A]

He soft launched it.

[B]

I don't know who it is. Maybe if you like it, you know.

[A]

You know what, you're leaving to Mike, you go, can you put that, like in the.

[B]

I'm calling, I'm calling my agents. I'm like this. There's legs here, dude. There's guys, can we get a meeting with Netflix?

[A]

And they're just, they just put the phone down while you're talking and they're like, I don't even pick that.

[B]

Yeah, right. I'm talking to a Chia Pet.

[A]

You being the. You running the interior would be great. I would.

[B]

Yeah. I. I literally mean it. You could probably do Jurassic Park State. Yosemite. Turn Yosemite into bring dinosaurs back.

[A]

I bet Trump would back that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He'd be like, it's a great idea.

[B]

There's no. We have their bones. The DNA is in the bones. The whole premise of the original movie.

[A]

Was extracting the DNA all. Yeah. I mean, do you think they've done.

[B]

It all scientifically sound? I. I don't. There's. It's. It's literally impossible that there is no way to clone dinosaurs and bring them back to life and install them at Yosemite National Park.

[A]

You heard it here first.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The wolves. That whole story about bringing wolves back for the deer population, like, we got Raptors now.

[B]

That would be awesome, dude.

[A]

That would be awesome.

[B]

Imagine if you were hunting and you pull the trigger and then, like, you look up from the scope and it's already in the air because the pterodactyl. Got it.

[A]

Yeah. And you. God damn. Oh. And Then God damn. Or actually, in real life, these dinos.

[B]

Are busting my bum.

[A]

Goddamn gas boned pigeon.

[B]

Joe Rogan's eating them immediately.

[A]

Oh, and then you're seeing all the comics that like his post.

[B]

Yeah. Been eating T. Rex. He dies of some weird parasite from.

[A]

10 million years ago that's unfrozen in there. They go like, yeah, you shouldn't have brought that back.

[B]

Yeah. His eye falls out. He's turning purple.

[A]

Dude, I'm gonna tell you, it's powerful. Me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's powerful meat. And then you see, like, 50 comics that don't eat meat. I've been drinking the post.

[B]

Drinking Triceratops Come.

[A]

He goes, I'm telling you right now, a glass of Trichum eggs and some peppers on it. And then there's like, people being like, I love it. I love it so much. Can I work your club?

[B]

And then Theo's like, all right, my guest today is a dinosaur. So why. You know, I saw. I saw stuff that you're.

[A]

You.

[B]

You're like a big chicken or something.

[A]

And you go, okay.

[B]

Wow. Yeah, wow.

[A]

I don't even.

[B]

Yeah, I don't even really think about it that way.

[A]

Wow, man. I say, like, you're like, kind of like a chicken. And, like, I won't even go to Chick Fil A because I respect you so much. Oh, man, that's crazy. It's got 700 views. 700,000 views. And everyone's like, theo needs to interview more dinosaurs. I would love to see him with a brontosaurus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just like the Flintstones beginning, where he slides down the neck. Theo. The Yvonne. He is interviewing dinosaurs.

[B]

He should have. I would. I would. Would watch that. Honestly, I don't really watch podcasts, but.

[A]

If they had a Theo interviewing a dinosaur.

[B]

Yeah. Theo interviewing.

[A]

Sign me the up for that.

[B]

A debate between Ben Shapiro and a dinosaur.

[A]

I understand that you are a meat eater.

[B]

We have been here for 3,000 years. Dinosaurs. Like, well, I was here 50 million years ago.

[A]

I have my own time period. But that doesn't make me think.

[B]

Dinosaur claims he swore he saw Palestinians.

[A]

Yeah, that's what solves it.

[B]

I remember him. Dude, I don't know what to tell you.

[A]

There's a very.

[B]

Because I was there 50 million years ago.

[A]

There's a very. And there was guys, Megalodon, Adidas slides.

[B]

And green track pants running around.

[A]

So I don't know what to do. Smoking cigarettes, sitting on a plastic chair. Yeah. Have you seen all the people go back to Syria now that Assad is out?

[B]

Are they. Is that. Are they really going back?

[A]

Yeah, dude, there's a couple.

[B]

There's people crossing at the border and.

[A]

No, dude, there was, like, a. I don't know. Know again, you don't know what's real and what's.

[B]

They stop processing, like, asylum requests in, like, France and Germany and Norway.

[A]

Well, they're all, like, going back. I saw, like, well, they want to.

[B]

Kick them out, but, I mean, it's not. That's like. And it's very funny because I've seen people being like, so, all the refugees can go back now, right? And it's like, well, what's the name of the government?

[A]

No. No. So we're gonna point a Senate back.

[B]

Yeah. No. Imagine if you, like, left America because you didn't like Donald Trump. And then there was a civil war, and, like. Like, Donald Trump. Donald Trump was killed. But there had been a giant war between the proud boys and antifa. BLM and then guys that just, like. Like the Simpsons a lot, and it's just like, like, who won, really? And so I. I would.

[A]

Family guys, right.

[B]

I'd be like, I. I'll wait maybe a couple weeks.

[A]

Let's let this shake out. Because I. Yeah. I don't think the Simpson bros Are in charge.

[B]

And then Israel just bombed, like, like, every military installation in Syria. So whatever this nascent state is, they have no military. They have no military whatsoever. All they have is guns to kill each other with.

[A]

Whatever's popping up on my Internet is, like, people cleaning their house now that they're back in. Like, now that they're back in Syria.

[B]

Syria?

[A]

Yeah. They're like, hey, look, I cleaned my apartment back up. And you're like, oh, that's in my dumb head. I'm, like, waiting for a. A chicken rat map. And I'm like, everything's all right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I have no idea. You're right. There's no government, and they're just.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, like, has. Do we have any examples, like, where there's a guy in the Middle east that's in power for 40 years? It, like, just suppresses any dissenting voices that disappears, and then it's better.

[A]

Yeah. Or it's not just complete chaos, Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, that's what it is. It's like, even when we took out Saddam, everyone was like, oh, so this is just chaos.

[B]

Yeah. Or Libya.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Afghanistan.

[A]

We thought we were gonna take out Saddam, and everyone was gonna be like, sick. We're up and running.

[B]

I don't think we thought that.

[A]

I think that's how it was pitched to Americans.

[B]

Oh, sure, yeah. That's.

[A]

And I, as a dumb American, that's absolutely how I believed it. No. 4 where I was like, yeah, we take out Saddam. Everything's. Because we watch movies. Because you watch a movie and you go like. And the bad guy dies. And they go like, end of movie, everything's cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But they don't show the weird part after Darth Vader dies or the emperor dies with, like, go, like, who controls.

[B]

Well, there's a.

[A]

The.

[B]

The guy from hts, which I guess is like the. The. The main rebel group that's moved into Damascus now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're the ones setting up the government. The main guy from that was in Al Nusra, which was Al Qaeda in Syria, who came out of, like, the Iraq War.

[A]

Isn't that what it always is? It's just like, they find the next guy and they go, you know, he used to pal around with, like, Osama bin laden in the 90s. And you're like, yeah, it's like, well, who.

[B]

We also gave money to fight the Russians.

[A]

Yeah. Rambo 3.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

If you watch Rambo 3, it's. It's a movie that ages in a way that you're like, this is cr. It looks like Rambo trains at one.

[B]

Point in, like, 2014, where, if I. If I remember correctly, it was like the CIA was funding one rebel group and training them, and then, like, the Pentagon was funding another, and they were fighting each other like BattleBots. Yeah. Like, they.

[A]

They just had a going at it where they go, like, they. Pentagon, 50 bucks says your desert warriors can't be. That's really funny. Just. That's how they play it. They go, oh, didn't even know. I should call. I should call Rob over at the Pentagon, see what they're up to.

[B]

I mean, it's like this. I mean, I know the government wastes a lot of money, but that's really dumb. I don't know how. There's no system in place to check or there's not.

[A]

Well, that's why, like, did you see they did an audit of the they or they. And they. They tried to balance it, and they're like, yeah, we can't find, like, $7 billion. I think it might have been more than that.

[B]

It all went to Hunter Biden, dude.

[A]

Yeah. Him and his crack addiction in his laptops.

[B]

Yeah. Which in the grand scheme of things, it's like, that's the least bad thing.

[A]

Any of them are doing is hookers and doing crap.

[B]

Yeah. But That's. It's. I prefer victimless crimes.

[A]

The Tom Ford thing. Remember that guy? When they try to make it a big deal in Toronto.

[B]

Here's the thing about Hunter Biden. That's nice. You know exactly who he. Fox.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Also, you also know exactly what he wants.

[B]

Like, if you talk like I am, I am. I will never. You can never. I will never, with 100% certainty, be able to say that Hillary Clinton has not had sex with a child under the age of three.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Like, you know, done something to them, tested them. I know in. In my rational mind, I can say she probably hasn't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With 90% confidence.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hunter Biden. I've seen his penis. I've seen it go into people, you know, it's like. I know that. Okay.

[A]

You know what he has a taste for?

[B]

We know what this guy likes.

[A]

Yeah. He likes to do drugs and he likes to. Ladies of the night.

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like. It's like when you hang out with an alcoholic that hasn't gotten clean yet. You know, you go to a bar, they'll be happy. You're just like, hey, I could take you here. Why don't you have a couple beers?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like, I love this. You go, because I know what you like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But a guy that's, like, never had a drink and is, like, way too Christian, you're kind of like, I don't even know what you like. You might be into some that. I have no idea.

[B]

There's a guy on YouTube that I kind of like. I don't really know too much about his, like, what he does, because the whole YouTube world is sort of new to me.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Because.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Well, when we did the podcast, we never put it on YouTube.

[A]

Oh, yeah. You guys just put it out.

[B]

And I was never into YouTube.

[A]

Really.

[B]

I mean, I would, like, read Twitter and I'm more tech. Text stuff.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Like, I never had the attention span to sit and watch a video. And then streaming. That's like another thing where it's like.

[A]

I still don't understand it.

[B]

I don't understand sitting there watching somebody.

[A]

For eight hours and all they do is read stuff. It's like hanging out with a friend that's reading text.

[B]

Well, people. People are like. Because people explain to me. They're like, well, it's like, if you have a day job. It's like, I've never had a day job ever where I could sit and watch A video for eight hours.

[A]

I understand. Listening to a podcast.

[B]

Podcast. If you're delivering pizza, you can, you.

[A]

Know, or even if you're dead. Desk.

[B]

Yeah, I guess. Well, I haven't really been in. I worked at a call center and.

[A]

Well, someone's probably listening to this.

[B]

That's what I imagine. Yeah.

[A]

At a desk. Right now. We're in their ears.

[B]

I. For whatever reason, I heard that. And I was thinking like, you know, you drive a train or something.

[A]

You know, there's just a train about to run someone over and there's listening to us being like, what if Joe Biden was in Taken?

[B]

Well, yeah. Well, yeah. So there's a guy on YouTube that he. He's like a YouTube lawyer. Lawyer.

[A]

Okay. Who?

[B]

Do you know this story already? Oh, okay. He was like a. You know, he's like a lawyer. Sure. That, like, gained some following on YouTube because he covered the Kyle Rittenhouse. He would like, live stream the Kyle Rittenhouse drive.

[A]

Here's what's going on. He's like, break it down like espn.

[B]

He did that with the Amber Heard trial, too.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

And then I guess his thing was he would, like, have a glass of scotch on stream. You know, he drink his scotch and like, do a stream and talk about legal stuff. Stuff and. But I would imagine prior to this, he was a guy that was. He'd lived in Minneapolis. He's like, you know, he's got a family lawyer. Lawyer, upper middle class guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Goes away and then like got famous on YouTube. And then he would have his glass of scotch. And then I. There's. I just saw a clip. It's like a 45 second long clip. And the first one is him a couple years ago where he's like, he's got the drink. He's like, it's not a good choice or a bad choice. It's just a choice. You know, if you can't control it, don't drink. Because I guess it's in response to someone like, hey, you drink a lot.

[A]

Yeah. You have glass of scotch every case, doing two cases a day.

[B]

And then it cuts to him. I guess recently he's lost 100 pounds. He's like, like, like. I mean, he looks like he's on fentanyl. You know, he's like completely up. And I guess it's like he. His. He got arrested. The police found like a whole ounce of cocaine. Is like, kids tested positive for cocaine. Him and his wife got arrested.

[A]

So this guy got famous.

[B]

There was another YouTube couple living with them, and they're were all each other.

[A]

Dude, I gotta look at this. I gotta look this up. I gotta find this. But that's what it.

[B]

Well, it's like. But it's like. It's crazy because it's YouTube. Well, like, some guy got, like. Some guy got, like, you know, I got a hundred thousand people watching my stream, and then he just goes, casino. I mean, like, it's like, that's what.

[A]

That's what happens. You know the people that used to make.

[B]

Dude, I'm.

[A]

Yeah, but people that used to make music, it would get like, that kind of. Yeah. Now you see them go like, well, I don't. We don't have that anymore.

[B]

But that's the thing. You're sitting in your house. House still. It's like you have a little bit more money, but it's like something about just that exposure. You're like, well, I guess I got to be a drug addict and have a. A third.

[A]

God damn, I'm gonna watch this. I gotta find this guy.

[B]

That's. It's fascinating.

[A]

Yeah. Because you don't know what. Like, especially now with Internet celebrities, like a YouTube thing. You watch them when they're regular and you cheer for them. And you go, like, look at this guy. This guy's doing it. And you don't realize as the years go on, you're like, he's a different person now.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

That guy's making, like, $3 million a year from just sitting and drinking scotch being like, I say the guy did kill him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Prosecute.

[B]

No, they all chat. Shane's penis got cut off by a.

[A]

House, but he brought everyone together.

[B]

Well, people don't know yet. We're still waiting for the big reveal.

[A]

At that house, man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What a perfect way to end this. He's. His penis got kind of.

[B]

Go watch the wind blows.

[A]

And it's just a brand new.

[B]

Oh, damn.

[A]

And he goes. That's. That's straight.

[B]

Yeah. I'm sorry, everybody.

[A]

I'm sorry I let you. Everyone down in Kid Rock goes. Takes his glasses off. He's like, damn it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I guess I could still drink it.

[B]

Yeah, you can be a cowboy if you got a Cowboys and cowgirls.

[A]

Yeah. Watch Nick Mullen's special Year of the Dragon on YouTube right now. You're the best. Thanks for coming on the show.

[B]

No, you're the best. I can't believe that I was. We've been doing, like. Pete doesn't tell us when the podcast is over.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I'm like, why does it feel like, so long, and he's letting us do, like, two hours and 15 minutes.

[A]

No, that's insane. Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, that's insane. You know?

[A]

Yeah, you do. You. We do now. Well, here's.

[B]

Yeah, we did a 55 minute podcast, like, a couple weeks ago, and when it was at 55, I'm like, you got to be kidding me. That felt like 15 minutes.

[A]

That's. That's. That's the best part.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Then you're like, you're done. Well, at the end of these, what we do is for a small video on YouTube, so I can drink my scotch and have another YouTube family live with Katie and I. It.