61: A Series of Embarrassing Decisions with Sarah Tollemache | Soder Podcast | EP 59

Summary

Soder Podcast Ep 61: "A Series of Embarrassing Decisions" with Sarah Tollemache

Date: December 24, 2024
Host: Dan Soder
Guest: Sarah Tollemache

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Overview

In this lively, irreverent conversation, stand-up comic Dan Soder welcomes fellow comedian Sarah Tollemache for her first official appearance on his podcast. The two friends riff about everything from the absurdities of biopics and rock star myths, to the realities of parenting, corporate jobs, and the wildest Hollywood scandals. Throughout, their comedy never shies away from taboo subjects, blending personal stories with biting social commentary in a playful, self-aware tone.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. How Villains and Heroes Find Each Other

[00:58–03:54]

• The episode opens with Soder and Tollemache marveling at how notorious criminals or icons find each other—just like geniuses do in art and music:
  • On the Columbine shooters:
    Dan (A): “How do they find each other like pedophiles find? Well, there’s a website you can go to.” [02:03]
  • They riff on the randomness of historic meetings, from Mick Jagger and Keith Richards forming the Stones to infamous pairings in crime.
• They also poke fun at failed bands with abusive origins:
  • Sarah (B): “I want to see that as a movie ... You still have to have a little bit of talent to beat the shit into.” [03:23]

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2. Biopics & Cultural Nostalgia

[04:08–08:34]

• They bemoan the decline in quality of modern music biopics and the sameness of trailers:
  • Soder discusses hating the Motley Crue movie and calls for return of “in a world” style trailer voices.
  • Both mock the formulaic approach, as Sarah says:
    “Everything looks like a 30 Rock parody.” [05:27]
• On the “sameness” of reggae:
  • Sarah: “Doesn’t it all kind of sound very similar?” [08:47]
  • Dan (mocking): “Isolate that. Blackmail.” [08:47]

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3. Restaurant Industry & Immigrant Work Ethic

[09:54–15:16]

• They swap war stories from restaurant work and the grind of kitchen staff:
  • Sarah: “I worked in a restaurant for 10 million years ... they pay attention to their paychecks.” [09:54]
  • Dan: Shares about Lasana, an African dishwasher, who worked multiple jobs and sent all his money home, highlighting immigrant sacrifices and skills unrecognized in kitchens: “He’s like, I put a lamb’s heart into a man, and he lives. He is the president of Ghana. And please pre-bus your plates.” [13:00]
• They joke about corporate and American exploitation vs. survival tactics.

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4. Parenthood Unfiltered

[15:16–18:10]

• The challenges and humor in dealing with babies:
  • Dan: “You try sticking your dick in my butt—I’m thrashing.” (On being unassaultable while homeless) [15:07]
  • Sarah: “When I try to change my son’s diaper, I feel like I’m about to sexually assault him.” [15:16]
• The acceptance of bodily fluids in parenting, hilarious compared to adult kink discussions:
  • “No one ever talks about how quickly you become comfortable with it.” [16:22]

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5. Beauty, Medical Tourism, and Social Media Pressures

[18:03–20:14]

• They riff on men traveling to Turkey for hair plugs and medical work, referencing TikTok trends:
  • Dan: “It’s cheaper to fly to Turkey ... they check you for cancer, everything, and it’s one day.” [19:04]
  • Sarah: “All men go there for hair plugs. On the plane, just a plane of male pattern baldness.” [18:19]
• The conversation blends pressure to look good with comic exaggeration of abusive baby hair pulling.

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6. Culture, Upbringing, and Religion in Texas

[21:23–29:15]

• Sarah shares her background: raised in Houston by parents who emigrated from South Africa and England, with stories about feeling like an outsider in hyper-religious, conservative Texas:
  • “We weren’t religious in the town ... the suburbs are just Christian and white.” [25:52]
• They compare American and UK colonial narratives and make irreverent jokes about family history, religious rules, and the hypocrisy of founding fathers’ “dirty money”:
  • Dan: “The Rockefellers didn’t make their money from hugs.” [23:46]

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7. Corporate Life and Comedy Careers

[34:46–38:09]

• Sarah describes temping and property management, and how setting boundaries rewarded her more than over-working:
  • “You do not need to be smart in life. You just need to show up and be somewhat pleasant.” [37:01]
• They laugh about the surprising parallels between office politics, stand-up, and dating—pointing out how “nice guys” and doormats lose out while true boundaries win respect.

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8. The Comedy Climb: JFL, SNL, and Jealousy

[40:15–47:56]

• Candid stories from both trying to break into SNL and the Just for Laughs (JFL) festival:
  • Sarah: “They told me I got it in the final draft. And then never again have I ever been in the circle ... that was me and you.” [41:47]
  • Dan: “Never count your money. Never spend the lotto money before you win the lotto.” [43:28]
• Both discuss the emotional highs and lows, learning that many industry victories are arbitrary and the pitfalls of anticipation and professional envy:
  • “Have you ever, like, congratulated somebody and you just feel like the way you congratulate someone, you don’t mean it because you’re just riddled with your own jealousy?” [47:56]

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9. Daddy Issues, Parental Substitutes & Security Blankets

[48:10–50:54]

• The comic neurosis about older male figures in showbiz:
  • Dan: “He (Louis CK) treats Joe like a son, and me like Joe’s friend he doesn’t like ... it has everything to do with my father.” [48:38]
  • Sarah: “Joe collects a lot of father figures, even when we’re on vacation.” [49:04]

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10. Sex, Threesomes, and Social Satire

[51:16–54:20]

• Jokes about modern sex lives, threesomes, and porn access—especially the oddity of Texas having both megachurches and massive porn megaplexes:
  • “Every clown has to de-venom the second they get to a town.” [54:00]
  • Sarah: “How sad it was to put out the small mom and pop (porn shop). Just a family that cares about guys flinging.” [55:22]

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11. Hollywood Scandals, QAnon, and Morality Gray Zones

[56:06–70:45]

• Fueled by current events, they run through Joel Osteen’s hypocrisy, the infamous Diddy sex scandal, and draw parallel to conspiracy theories:
  • “But isn’t it crazy, the more rich and famous they get, the less ‘no’s’ are around.” [64:05]
• They tease the extremity of current celebrity allegations, referencing QAnon with playful skepticism, and question if "conspiracies" are truly that far-fetched:
  • Dan: “Is QAnon wrong? That’s all I’m asking.” [70:02, 70:33]
  • Sarah: Jokes about bizarrely inappropriate Zara children’s shirts: “There’s a team, there’s a hundred people that this is going through.” [68:25]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Everything looks like a 30 Rock parody.”—Sarah Tollemache [05:27]
• “How do they find each other like pedophiles find? Well, there’s a website you can go to.”—Dan Soder [02:03]
• On restaurant work: “He’d be like, I am the first person to build a bridge in my town ... I need ramekins for crema.”—Dan Soder [13:00]
• “You do not need to be smart in life. You just need to show up and be somewhat pleasant and you will go far.”—Sarah Tollemache [37:01]
• “Nice guys finish last. It’s not nice guys—it’s doormats.”—Dan Soder [38:37]
• “Dream boards? Your vision board could suck a fat one. It’s definitely not working.”—Dan Soder [43:51]
• “How does the Spanish language maneuver this new day and age?”—Sarah Tollemache [43:01]
• “I feel like Joe collects a lot of father figures, even when we’re on vacation.”—Sarah Tollemache [49:04]
• “I think p. Did he, like, had sex with a sleeping Justin Bieber? Dude, I’m just trying to get paid.”—Dan Soder [66:56]
• “Is QAnon wrong? That’s all I’m asking.”—Dan Soder [70:02]

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Important Timestamps

• [00:58]: Columbine discussion and how dangerous people find each other
• [03:23]: Failed child star bands and abusive parents
• [04:34]: Music biopics and movie trailer parody
• [09:54]: Restaurant work, payroll, and labor jokes
• [13:00]: Lasana the dishwasher’s double life as an engineer
• [15:16]: Baby messes and bodily fluid acceptance
• [18:10]: Hair plugs & “medical tourism” in Turkey
• [21:23]: Sarah’s family from South Africa/England, being an outsider in Texas
• [34:46]: Corporate America, temping, boundaries
• [41:47]: Near misses at SNL and JFL; “never count your money”
• [48:10]: Louis CK and needing father figures
• [51:16]: Threesomes and porn access laws in Texas
• [56:06]: Joel Osteen, corporate religion, and recent Houston floods
• [59:01]: Diddy scandal, Hollywood's moral blind spots
• [64:05]: The power of “no” disappearing with fame
• [70:02]: QAnon satire and the boundaries of conspiracy
• [71:04]: Sarah’s special Butthole Money (YouTube plug)

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Episode Tone & Closing

The episode is a mix of cutting honesty, relentless self-deprecation, and sharp satire. Both comics frequently undercut each other and themselves with punchlines, riffing on taboo news, personal failures, and the bizarreness of both everyday life and showbiz drama. They close by joking about conspiracies and plugging Sarah's comedy special, with Dan suggesting, "Go write 'Is QAnon wrong?' in her comment section."

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Recommended for:
Listeners who appreciate raw, fast-paced humor, aren’t easily offended, and want candid behind-the-scenes takes on comedy, pop culture, and the modern American psyche.

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Transcript

[A]

Winnipeg, Canada. January 30th, the 31st, and February 1st. I will be at Rumors for five shows. Go get [e-mail] and this time, leave your infectious diseases to yourself. California, 2025, the end of February, San Diego, February 28th, Los Angeles, March 1st in San Francisco, March 2nd. Get tickets on sale now. Dan soder.com I will see you in 2025. And then other cities. Don't worry, we're coming. We're putting it all together. But California, you're up first on this theater tour. I'm very excited about this. Again, February 28th, I'll see you in San Diego. March 1st, Los Angeles and March 2nd, San Francisco. Dancer.com for tickets, please buy them and I'll see you then.

[B]

I just saw.

[A]

I read that book and Columbine by Dave Coleman.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's unbelievable.

[B]

And the sea. Bald mom.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who I just kind of saw in a clip. And she's looks normal as can be.

[A]

Klebold.

[B]

Yeah. Yes.

[A]

Yeah. She wrote a book.

[B]

How crazy to just be like. Yeah, I had.

[A]

You know, my son is one of the most infamous mass murderers in the United States.

[B]

She still lived in that town, didn't she?

[A]

Yeah, they're still in Littleton. They. Klebold's mom released a book called like, what if your baby shot a bunch of other babies? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Kind of like the O.J. simpson tactic.

[A]

Yeah. We go, if I did shoot up the school, here's how I would do.

[B]

What I would do that would. I think they were taken aback. Right.

[A]

Oh, it was a surprise for both families.

[B]

But the one made sense because he, they said, exhibited clear signs of psychopathy.

[A]

Eric Harris.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they said Klebold was the fault follower.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's usually they just worked at the. At the Orange Julius or something in the mall.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then they're like, you want to just kill everybody?

[B]

That's the thing that always blows my mind about these people. I'm like, how do they find each other like pedophiles find? Well, there's a website you can go to.

[A]

It's also registered. But you know what, you're absolutely right, though, because there's like, good and bad meet each other. Like, you know the story of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards meeting?

[B]

No.

[A]

And they were like, just on a train. And Mick Jagger had a bunch of records, like blues records. Yeah. And Keith Richards was like, you like that? And he's like, is. He's like, I love this. I also love putting on women's clothing and dancing. Yeah, dancing. But Then they made the Rolling Stones.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Kind of.

[B]

I didn't know that.

[A]

Paul and John meeting. And then there's like the flip side of that coin is Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris hanging out.

[B]

For every amazing band there is the Klebolden, there's a mass shooter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Well, this one made me laugh really hard. Apparently there was these. There's this well known female band that it was like a Joe Jackson situation and he couldn't beat the. Couldn't beat the talent into them.

[A]

Oh. So they were like, they took the abuse but didn't have the Jackson 5 still so bad.

[B]

And I was like, I want to see that as a movie. Because that's so fucking funny to me. Like, yeah, you still have to have a little bit of talent to beat the shit into.

[A]

It is a spark. There needs to be a spark. And then the beatings are like oxygen to the flame. But when you're untalented, you're just dumping air on the logs, wet leaves. That's so that bio movie where they're like, that's it. That's the song. And then they go. And they go, no, it's not.

[B]

Not even close.

[A]

Everyone says that song really sucks and they're mad at you. Yeah, yeah. That is because, you know. You know, like with all those stories about like Mick Jagger and Keith Richards and stuff.

[B]

Oh, there's. There's more failure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Than those success stories. And I actually want to see those stories I would love to do because I don't. I only care about in a biopic. I only care about the first hour when they're struggling, when they're struggling after they make it. I'm so uninterested.

[A]

It depends. It depends on how they show the debauchery.

[B]

Like a Motley Cruz situation.

[A]

That was a horrible movie. Did you see that?

[B]

I did. With Machine Gun Kelly as Tommy Lee.

[A]

Yeah. It was dog shit. It was so bad. I watched it when I was in Buffalo at Helium. It was like a Thursday night and I got like McDonald's.

[B]

And you're like, excited.

[A]

Yeah, I was very excited. And I put it on. I called. This is when I was still on the bonfire. I called big J at 2:30 in the morning. Like someone we know had died until he picked up. And then he picked up and I was like, please watch the Smartly Crue movie. It's the biggest hunk of shit I've ever seen in my life. I took notes. It was.

[B]

They don't make biopic movies good anymore. No, they look they feel like Lifetime movies. Like, did you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I saw the trailer for the Bob Marley, and I was like, this looks like absolute dog.

[A]

It looks like everything to me. And I don't know if this is probably just older age.

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

Everything to me.

[B]

Now I worry about that.

[A]

Everything looks like a 30 Rock parody.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Everything looks like. It's like, tracy, don't you remember when you starred in that Bob Marley movie? And he's like, I ain't even gonna smoke weed. Like, I'm not allowed to. And then they cut back and it's like, that's how it feels.

[B]

Right? It's so on the nose.

[A]

It was because the trailer. I think the problem is we need to bring back trailer voice guys.

[B]

Right? Like the Pablo Francisco bits.

[A]

Right? All.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

God bless. I hope you're all right, Pablo. Because that Sacramento punchline video is so tough to watch. Where he's like, you think I can't get back into this. It's a man mentally snapped on stage. Have you ever seen that?

[B]

And then you're just so brutal. Just stand up. Gonna be so brutal. Because you're like, oh, he's still doing. He's trying to jam this bit that's like, we're not even doing this anymore 15 years later.

[A]

And you also know that, like, he's just looking for that, like, pop to get out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

On stage, where he's like, just give me a little bit of laughter so.

[B]

I can say thank you, good night.

[A]

Thank you, good night. But I think we need to bring back the.

[B]

The voiceover trailer.

[A]

Like, in a world, right?

[B]

There's one man.

[A]

Yeah, those were a little boy. Because those trailers now show their ass too much.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I also just feel like they're just so hokey to me. I think the last biopic was the Doors.

[A]

That's a great one, though. Yeah.

[B]

And that one is really fun. I watched that pretty recently, and I remember just being like, do you think they were ever, like, who. Things got really out of hand.

[A]

What the.

[B]

For the Doors.

[A]

Like, do the actual Doors. Yeah.

[B]

Like, looking. Because that. They got. It got way out of hand.

[A]

Well, they were, like, partying and orgies and drugs and, like, all this stuff. I. Absolutely. Everyone's human. Yeah. There is a point. I don't care how cool you are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's all a mystique, right. Someone woke up and went like, someone woke up in Zeppelin. And it was like, did you put a fish in a woman's. I know. And they were like, I did.

[B]

And she was 13 probably, man, that's wild.

[A]

I'll tell you what. You know, that's the conversation that Keith Richards is never going to let see the light of day where he's like. When everyone's like, how is it different in your day? He goes, in my day, you could have sex with a kid and the.

[B]

Parents would give it to you because.

[A]

You had a jamming album.

[B]

We could.

[A]

We had so many good hits. They were giving us their kids.

[B]

You could just adopt a 13 year old.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. That's the bio. That's the biopic. You want to see. I want to see the family. Where they go.

[B]

Did it.

[A]

Yeah. Where they go? Alice Cooper's coming to town. Stacy, we're going to give you him. We're going to give you. We're going to give you.

[B]

Put on your crochet top.

[A]

I need you to be sexy. For my favorite rock star, the Bob Marley trailer is like, bad.

[B]

It's so bad.

[A]

Because he's like, that one part where he goes, everything gonna be all right. Right, kids? That's the song. That's the moment where they do it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

[A]

That's how I'm gonna get over on the World. I know. And then Three Little Birds.

[B]

And I don't want to be disparaging to reggae. Yeah, but like, doesn't it all kind of sound very similar?

[A]

Isolate that. Blackmail. You're gonna have a lot of Jamaicans in your thing. They're back. What do you be saying on the rig? You'll be sounding the same thing. Yo, white lady. I love a steel drum.

[B]

I love a steel drum, too.

[A]

But the whiteness in me then just wants to hear. Jane says, Right, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Jane says, when you hear a crazy white guy, that's. Every time I hear steel drums, I go, oh, that's nice. Do you have the white version for.

[B]

My little Anglo ears?

[A]

I grew up in the 90s. Can I have Jane's Addiction?

[B]

We do it to food, why can't we do it to music?

[A]

That's why everything's fusion, right? Fusion's for whites.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's to cause the real ones just.

[B]

Bring it down a notch for us.

[A]

Where they go, can you put a glob of mayonnaise in it? And they go, yeah, but it's not gonna be like Mexican food. And you're like Tex Mex. Okay, but we're so. It's Texas. Tex Mex. Did you, growing up in Texas, did you learn Spanish at all?

[B]

And I worked in a restaurant for 10 million years and I never thought I was ever going to get out. Also, I did payroll and I was forever arguing cuz they pay attention to their paychecks.

[A]

Yeah. Because I don't know if you know this. Some of them had to fight to get here. And I'm pretty sure you care about. Yeah, pretty sure you care about your hourly wage. You know, you had to sleep in a river and then wake up and now you're working at a Chili's. You're like, carry that three.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Carry that three.

[B]

I know you're like, it would. Yeah.

[A]

White people just get our checks. We go like 2.16. It's so unfair. When you got a stack of cash.

[B]

This big in your pocket, it doesn't even matter. And it all gets taxed that you're not even taking. My paychecks in Texas were like five bucks.

[A]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, I. I would. When I worked at Dos Caminos, I would get paychecks for like $2.33.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you would get taxes, and they would be like, oh, you owe us $6,000.

[B]

Yeah. It was brutal. But like the back of the house would try to scam the clock that.

[A]

Yeah, they would. And I'm. I'm happy they do. By the way, guess what, gentlemen? You're officially American. Yeah. Go back and take. Welcome to the United States. Welcome to the United States. Fuck yeah. You scam the clock if you're on. If you're on an hourly, you do whatever you can.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Bathroom breaks. But they weren't allowed to clock in unless, like, a manager had to clock them in. And I always demoralizing. Like, just fucking give them their five minutes.

[A]

No, they have to go. I. All right, Are you ready, Roberto? I'm going to. You're going to start working the second I hit this button. It's so demeaning. They're like, ready? Boop, boop. He's like, see, senor? One more beep and then I go back to work.

[B]

They're already working 70 hours a week. It's insane.

[A]

The did you have. I thought Mexicans worked hard. I worked in restaurants in Colorado and Arizona. Right.

[B]

I never understood the lazy stereotype.

[A]

I was like, they'll outwork all of us.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like that. However you feel. You know, I do believe we should just get super political, shut down the borders.

[B]

I'm like, you're landing the plane. And that's how I feel like, when we have to maneuver around these conversations.

[A]

Well, there's a little bit of turbulence coming in.

[B]

Dan's coming in for the landing.

[A]

This is your social captain. We're. We're experiencing some current events that make people angry. Mexicans work so fucking hard. Until I met African dishwashers.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

This guy. Lasana. Lasana, if you ever see this clip.

[B]

Is this from Dos Caminos?

[A]

I miss you, uncle. I miss you so much. I'd call him my uncle. He'd be like, I don't like you. I would make fun of him and stuff. I go, why are you so mad right now? I'd be like, who are you? I don't like you. Yeah. I mean, I can't say what he actually would say to me, Right? I'll tell you guys off camera, it was very funny. I think it upset waitresses. Oh. I go, why does he say that to you? And I go, that's my uncle. And you go, you. I am not your uncle. And then he got emotional when I left, when I quit, when I was like, yeah, I'm done. And he goes, you come to Ghana. I want you to see my house. I want you to. I have a big house in Ghana. And I was like, dude, I would.

[B]

I will go to Ghana.

[A]

Lasana, if you're alive, I got the cash now. Dude, let me come to your Guyanese house, Dude. Katie, we're going to go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Going, going. Ghana, the dance center, travel, Patreon. Put it on the Tron. But yeah, dude, like, seeing those guys work. He told me that he. He had two different jobs. Dishwashing, right?

[B]

All our money goes back home.

[A]

All of it.

[B]

Yeah. He would work, and they're engineers back home.

[A]

Yeah. He's like, you know that I built a. I. I put a lamb's heart into a man, and he lives. He is the president of Ghana. And please pre bus your plates, like, scraping, like, fucking tacos off. And this guy's like, I am the first person to build a bridge in my town. And then I'm like, okay, but I need saucers. I need saucers.

[B]

Where are the ramekins?

[A]

I thought they were so, like, I need ramekins for crema. For crema. Cream. Sour cream. And he'd be like, dude, but what. Yeah, he. He told me that he worked. Cuz I worked lunches with him, but then he would go work dinner at a different. Completely different restaurant.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know how they do it.

[A]

He told me he slept in the park. I was like, where do you live? He goes, I sleep in the park.

[B]

Yeah. And then if you get, like a gym membership you can just take a shower. Like, sometimes I do think of, like, I think I know how to cheat the system. If I got down on my luck, I think I could. I think I could do it. Minus the rapes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I think I could do it.

[A]

That's always the thing I never think about, right.

[B]

The sexual assault.

[A]

I can sleep under a bridge. I'm a tough gator to catch. You try sticking your dick. You try sticking your dick in my butt. I'm thrashing.

[B]

When I try to change my son's diaper. It's just like that. I feel like I'm actually, like, about to sexually assault him.

[A]

Where?

[B]

Get your hips straight.

[A]

Give me those legs. He's like.

[B]

He's like.

[A]

The way he's leg. Ah. Have you. Have you and Joe been. Became comfortable being pissed on my relationship.

[B]

With Pooh and you. I have to call it poo.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because it's from a. The most innocent butthole.

[A]

You'll the sweetest little boy ever see.

[B]

Like, there's no. It's like Louie's bit like, oh, what do you see? There's no anger or bitterness. But you do see it. Yeah. You see it come out and you're like, I'm used to it on me. I don't even care. There's. Sometimes you'll just go to bed and be like, I'm pretty sure it's in my hair, but I'm tired.

[A]

Yeah. And sleep is way more important than cleanliness.

[B]

Right. All of that goes out the door. But yeah, you get peed on a lot and I love it.

[A]

You're like, oh, is that all you got? He's like, I don't know. Yeah. I mean that. Getting pissed and on. No one ever talks about how quickly you become comfortable with it.

[B]

Oh, easily. I mean, because there's no time.

[A]

So I think I'd be fine.

[B]

All that baby. Baby stuff seems so innocent. It's peace pretty much water to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Not that I'm drinking it, but.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's also like light and like, just like water.

[A]

It's funny that. That parents and men talking about girls squirting is the same energy.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

Diagram where they go. It's just piss and it's water.

[B]

It's no big. It doesn't even smell y. Sterile.

[A]

Yeah, dude, if it's on your sheets, it's there. It's like super sexual deviant creeps and parents and just ratcheting it. Yeah, whatever, man. It's just pissed.

[B]

Well, I. I will go. Well, we do peon jellyfish wounds. So that's antiseptic. Right.

[A]

A lot of Major League baseball players that would piss on their hands to make them calloused. Yeah. To grab the bat.

[B]

So is it that bad for you?

[A]

If it was good enough for Moises Alou, I think it's good enough for you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That's what we're decided. We saw each other on. That was the first time I met Marty.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which is. That's on me. I told. I told Joe yesterday. I saw him.

[B]

Sorry. Well, now we live in the city. I know, but it's just as far as the story.

[A]

No way. Right.

[B]

We did the math, and it's kind of just the same.

[A]

Well, I saw Joe at the Cellar, and he's like, I'm here. I live in this city.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, how far is it? He's like, still 30, 35 minutes away. That's wild.

[B]

It's so funny where I'm like, but it's better.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Esthetically, it'. But Joe and I. Everyone's hot in our neighborhood. And we brought. We brought. We brought it down in a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, you know, we're striving to be tense.

[A]

I. Oh, man, you guys, so hard. I know. Well, Joe got invisalign.

[B]

Yeah, he's doing it.

[A]

I'm going to go to Turkey and get my abs sculpted. I already got my hair done. I'm going to get my turkey for that. No, I did it here.

[B]

Well, apparently, all men go there to further hair plugs, and there's just a. On the way there. It's just a plane of male pattern ballness.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And then it comes back and it's all swabbed up, just quaffed, just wounds. Just. You just see gauze on people's heads. Mateo had a great line in his special where he's like, it all looks like Mars attacks, but they. But Turkey doesn't. Turkey's got the rap. You know, I talk about it on stage about the hair transplants, but they also do these things that Katie showed me on TikTok, where they have, like, these wonderful hospitals that are like spas.

[B]

And it's still cheaper than our medical.

[A]

It's cheaper to fly to Turkey. And they do a full.

[B]

Treat you nicely.

[A]

They do a full workout. They go, like, top to bottom. I kind of want to do that.

[B]

I've thought about it. I was like, I don't know if I can do the Botox and filler.

[A]

No, no, I'm not talking about that.

[B]

I'm Talking about they check your heart surgery. Oh, they do?

[A]

No, they, like, check you for cancer. They do a cancer scan. They do calcium buildup in your arteries. They do everything. I kind of. And it's one day. And by the way, it's like, literally Turkey.

[B]

Like, it's cool. It used to be the epicenter of culture. You got Africa and Europe meeting together.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

In a port.

[A]

And I can find out if I can steep. Keep eating sweets late at night. Right. The most American thing. I just want my sweet treats.

[B]

And then afterwards you get some Turkish delight, which is the most sickly sweet thing you'll ever eat.

[A]

Turkish delight is beautiful. I love sweets. Oh, man. I might even get another fucking round of hair done when I'm over there. Who knows?

[B]

I've thought about getting hair plugs.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

Because I feel like after you, like, have a kid, especially as a woman, you just. You just bald. And he rips out all of my hair.

[A]

He's just hands right now.

[B]

It's like an abusive husband where I'm like, okay, I'll stop, I'll stop, I'll stop.

[A]

I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. He's calling a baby because he's a baby.

[B]

Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of your friends.

[A]

Please can you not tell Joe about that and just do that character the next time he does it with. Joe's like. Like, unprompted. Go, Joe, look, he's an abusive husband. I'm sorry, baby.

[B]

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[A]

He's just like.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Laughing. He's like.

[B]

Cause the grip, it's like right at the root. And they get you in the most sensitive areas, like the little hairs right here and here. And then you're just like, oh, my gosh. God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it makes me. It really tests your patience.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, it's a person abusing you.

[B]

Yeah. That you're in charge of and that you can't. You can't fight back.

[A]

No. And if you do this, the state.

[B]

Will get a real big problem.

[A]

Yeah. They're a little thing called Child Protective services might come by and then. But what if you showed them the video? Because he pulls my hair. And CPS goes, yeah, I think you're good.

[B]

Especially like in Texas. Just like, I'm just defending my home.

[A]

Stand my ground. They go, miss. He's nine months old.

[B]

You shot him.

[A]

Point blank, rage to the chest. He had no defense. There was not even a defense wound. He just completely fucking took that bullet.

[B]

To the chest annihilated him.

[A]

When I. When I saw you going to Texas, it's. It's always crazy hanging out with you because you feel like the least Texas person I've ever met in my life. Well, and you're from Houston. I am.

[B]

I say y', all, but my parents weren't. They're not. They immigrated here from South Africa, so I feel like we didn't. Aren't, like, generational.

[A]

Once Mandela got out, they're like, I can't stay here.

[B]

I gotta go.

[A]

They're like, that Mandela's a problem. That's so funny. You know, Sarah's parents. I'm gonna start spreading that rumor. You know, serious parents are, like, super against Nelson Mandela.

[B]

They started apartheid.

[A]

Do you know Sarah's last name is originally apartheid, and they changed it to Talama.

[B]

Although I do have to tell you whenever. I always kind of keep it light that I don't. I don't tell people that I am from Salivary because I automatically feel bad. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Have you.

[B]

Even though we are not Afrikaners, but we are of English descent, but same thing. It's colonization.

[A]

So how'd Your parents were fro. Your parents. Parents were from England?

[B]

My mom's parents are from England. My mom's from England. She immigrated to South Africa when she was 8. Because my grandfather got. He wanted a professorship, and he couldn't get it in England. And then he found one in South Africa at the university in Johannesburg. And then my dad is several generations. Yeah. No, just English descent.

[A]

But is that like. Is that, like, when white people here. To get out of the slavery thing? We go, my grandfather came over from Ireland. And you go, well, he was here, right?

[B]

We were part of.

[A]

Was going down. And you go, yeah, but I. But I'm not.

[B]

But I'm not part, like, own slaves.

[A]

I had Dr. Dre's the Chronic when I was growing up. I'm not racist.

[B]

Yeah, right. Well, that's also. I always think about that, like, you know, you think like, people kind of maybe on Jay Z having started with, like, drug and pimp money and Dr. Dre. And you're like. Then when you do history and you find out, like, all fall founding fathers and a lot of their money is just all based on, like, rum sales.

[A]

And sugar, like, booze and cigarettes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tobacco and booze. They're just selling parties.

[B]

Feeling, like, going underground money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Absolutely. Everyone had a.

[B]

You. It's all, like, stolen money that we. The amount of wealth that starts the.

[A]

Rockefellers didn't make Their money from hugs. They met it from being, like, fucking steel barons and shit.

[B]

They're no Oprah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, not Weasley Beginnings.

[A]

That Bill Burr joke that he used to have is completely true. He's like, oprah built her whole empire on the backs of little people in carnage.

[B]

That is true.

[A]

Exploiting her show back in the day was like, trash. I've got a. You know, they'd be like, a hooker versus her pimp. And you're like, what is this? And then now she's like, there's a chocolate chip cookie that I absolutely love.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And you're like, no, no.

[B]

Underneath your seat.

[A]

Yeah, that's why. Yeah. Eat it. Eat it in front of.

[B]

You dropped it there.

[A]

Yeah, I had it taped under there by someone. I don't pay a livable wage, you stupid. But, yeah, I mean, that is like, so. So they moved from South Africa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Texas. Well, because they're like, do you have anything equal Racist.

[B]

Exactly. Well, the funny thing is, like, they thought there was too many guns. People owning guns in South Africa, Texas. That's the. Yeah, that's the funny part.

[A]

That's so. Yeah.

[B]

Where I was like, oh, well, you just moved into.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The heart of it.

[A]

She goes, could we have it be more aggressive and open?

[B]

Yeah. And it's just. It's almost just the same. Like, when we go to West Texas, my mom says it reminds her of South Africa.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you guys ever go back to South Africa?

[B]

We. I only went once. My mom. My mom. We had to go back a few times, but then all of our family is pretty much not there anymore.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Moved to Australia, and they just keep moving. They do.

[A]

The second they go. That's the thing about us. You might think we're in South Africa. Boat popped up in Australia. You go, is Interpol after your family, trying to follow it. I. Next time Joe comes over, I have a cork board with, like, your family. I go, where's the thing? Here's the thing. Follow the money. Follow the money. It goes back up to England. Australia. Yeah, that's. It's. It's cool when you have parents from different places because you get a whole different perspective.

[B]

Yeah. I always felt there's, like. You feel like an outsider. Also, we weren't religious in the town. I mean, most of Texas is. Maybe the city's not. It's pretty liberal in all the Texas cities, but, like, the suburbs are just Christian and wide.

[A]

But it's everywhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

Oh, everywhere.

[A]

Colorado's like, yeah, out. It's outside. Of Denver. It's just like.

[B]

But it gets, like, silly. Like, I remember my brother playing with these, like, red, muscly, devilish toys. Like a He man offshoot. I got the name. And one of the parents wouldn't let their kid play with the toys because they. It felt like it was demonic.

[A]

That's always fun.

[B]

I know, but it's silly.

[A]

But then you go, well, we know which family to fuck with in the neighborhood. Yes. Because they're scared of toys. So imagine what we can do. We could really open this up. We're gonna have a lot of opportunities.

[B]

It really shows your weakness when you start.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't you talking like that.

[A]

Where you go, is that a devil toy?

[B]

I know. Well, one time, I remember talking about evolution. We had in New York, a woman, a teacher from New York, move down, Ms. Winnake.

[A]

Which is that, fuck Dangerous minds, right? Coming down to Texas in the 80s in evolution.

[B]

Well, I didn't even think this was anything crazy. I just started talking in the car, and I was like, isn't it crazy that Ms. Winicke said that we. There's a. Might be a missing link between us and, like, monkey. And the mom that was driving us to soccer was like, what? I'm sorry, what's going on? And she's like, I'm sorry. We are derived from Adam's rib. And I'm like, that's. Even at that age, you're like, that's so silly, dude.

[A]

It was.

[B]

Can you just treat that as a story rather than, like, facts?

[A]

It'd be much more effective if you treated it as, like, an alley.

[B]

Isn't that just an allegory and not literal meaning?

[A]

And by the way, if that would have been the X, that's how they could have got me, right? If they would have gone like, well, it's an allegory. It, like, means something because, you know, we evolved from. We probably think the same group or tribe. And Pangea just kind of makes sense with everything together, you know? That's why they call Africa the cradle of civilization, is because they believe humans. But instead of just going, no, we're a rib, you go, well, now I'm out. From a man. Yeah, a man Adam. A guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which, by the way, if you've ever read the Bible, you know that they say that Adam was 930 years old.

[B]

Right? So you're like, that's ridiculous.

[A]

That's an old rib.

[B]

He's a vampire.

[A]

Yeah. Vampiro. What a great. I think we just found our. Our new project. We might have to edit this out. We're writing Adam and Eve, but Adam's a vampire.

[B]

He's a vampire. Vampiro, the original vampire.

[A]

We're doing the Bible, but with vampires. We have a franchise. We become like the new J.K. rowling. Where I go. I don't like male trans. There's just like one thing I don't like. I'm fine with trans. Not guys, though. Yeah. Dude, that's like my mom. My mom was raised Irish Catholic. Like, very Irish Catholic. And then she got married in college and it was like a mistake, so she got divorced.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But Catholics don't care.

[B]

So it's weird. It's like. It's like Baptist, Presbyterian, Light Methodist. I don't find Methodists as bonkers.

[A]

Well, my dad was Episcopalian.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's what we are.

[B]

That's like Catholic.

[A]

That is Catholic. That's like Catholicism. Well, it's funny when you find out that it was just created because the King of England wanted to get a divorce.

[B]

Right. Which is funny because he wanted a male heir. Right.

[A]

Yeah. Where he was like this, give me chicks. God, talk to me. I got a new religion.

[B]

Which is funny because we find out now that man is responsible for gender male.

[A]

Are they really the male?

[B]

Like, you're the one that dictate more of what the. The gender is going to be of the baby.

[A]

You got all that lady coming. You do.

[B]

Because we're just like, yy and you guys have xy, so you guys create them.

[A]

Why's your come all lady like, what.

[B]

Are you gay making all these ladies?

[A]

If you're a fan of the show and you have a husband and you have three daughters and your husband has ever blamed you, just make please call your husbands. Come gay. What do you. You just want chicks.

[B]

You know, you're the one with the gay cum. I just say that at a party.

[A]

Don't say that anymore. Don't say that. Yeah. I mean, he just created divorce. Right. And then that's our religion.

[B]

You want it out.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Isn't it? But that's how I feel about, like, with all the molestation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then Catholics get so butt hurt when you bring it up.

[A]

And then I'm like, well, they really. Some of them actually get very butt hurt.

[B]

Very.

[A]

The victims are the most butthurt. What are you. Butthurt? He's like, I was raped. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's the way you put it.

[A]

Someone taking butt hurt seriously. What are you. But hurt?

[B]

Yeah, Yeah, I was.

[A]

I had to have stitches.

[B]

He ripped Me, I'm only now just shitting properly.

[A]

Yeah, it was. You know, I had a catheter bag. You know, I had to shit in a bag because I got pour up.

[B]

But hurt because I got.

[A]

Or as you like to call it, butt hurt. That's what they call it in a rape statement. They got now says here you are. But. But hurt. No, I got raped. He's like, all right, well, we'll. We'll clean. We'll clean up. The language in the police report.

[B]

Well, it feels like that's what the priest would tell them. Like, line up. You're just butt hurt. That's all.

[A]

Father McMillan, you told me to keep that a secret. But you were saying with the molestations, right?

[B]

I'm like, just start another part of Catholicism. We do it all the time with every kind of cultural group and religion.

[A]

It's every. But by the way, I don't know.

[B]

What name it would be called.

[A]

I was trying to Catholic without rape, without the molestation.

[B]

CWR C W O R. Adult only.

[A]

Adult only. Catholicism. Because that's how you get rid of the problem. Stop having these sexy boys around right now. Here's the problem.

[B]

It's adult men choir.

[A]

Yeah. Where they're like, oh, it's all just bass. Oh, no.

[B]

So it's like Enigma chanting.

[A]

Yeah, dude. That, like, my mom got kicked out of being Catholic.

[B]

Did she really? Yeah.

[A]

They're like, you're excommunicated. You got divorced. Yeah. Be a Catholic anymore.

[B]

That's so weird.

[A]

But she still, like. And I love my mom for this because she still has a loyalty to it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But not. She didn't force it down my throat. She made us go to church on Christmas and Easter. Yeah. She's like, those are the. Those are the.

[B]

Those are the big ones. That's when God comes in to manage.

[A]

God gets dressed to leave the house on that day. Most of the time, you're just barking at God. That's God putting on shoes.

[B]

CEO coming in just to make sure the employees are showing up.

[A]

Superintendents in the school. Just have a good day, all right? This is. Everyone be nice. It's his kid's birthday.

[B]

Every. Every other night, he's not there. He's not taking drugs.

[A]

Let's let him have a little fun. All right?

[B]

That's.

[A]

We would go. And I remember, like, stuff in. The stuff they would say in church didn't make sense to me. And I remember my mom watching a single mom get frustrated with, like, childlike questions.

[B]

It must be so aggravating to Be high up in the church because you must get questions all the time.

[A]

All the time. Also, you have a lot of. A majority. A lot, not a majority. A lot more people now than ever going, well, shit's not real.

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

Saying your boss isn't real. Yeah. You go, no, my boss is real. And they go, is he though?

[B]

Is he?

[A]

I haven't seen him at the store.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

What has he done for me? You go, I don't know. He's got a lot going on.

[B]

Yeah, he's just busy.

[A]

Why is bad stuff happen?

[B]

You go, he only gives it to you what you can handle, which is so insulting. That's to be like, you're dumb idiot. That's why your life is privileged.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

The thought of me, the reason why I have an autistic son is because God only gives me what I can handle.

[A]

So that's what I can handle.

[B]

It's a lot you can't.

[A]

And you can't because you're a.

[B]

That's why your children are all like, perfect.

[A]

I'm at a proper reading level. God thinks you're weak. It's also really funny, like saying that God, like, if I did that to Katie, right? Where she goes, we haven't gone out like a month ago. Well, I only give you what you can handle. She goes, what you. I can only give you. I saved my toughest battles for my strongest soldiers. I want an easy day. No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

You get nothing.

[A]

You get nothing. We're gonna make this tough on you.

[B]

Which is kind of like how it is to work in corporate. Anytime you work really hard, they don't reward you with less work. But they give the person that sucks. That sucks. They get promoted.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I would, I think I would go crazy if I worked in the corporate world because it's, it's a wild ride. How long did you.

[B]

I've done a few. I did property management and I've temped and it blows my mind. Like I had low self esteem for the longest time and then when I started, I never thought about like applying to anything that felt like a lot of money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then when I kind of. I, when doing stand up and then having to temp, my family would always be like, I kind of eastern promised my way into companies. Like, I didn't have the give a attitude. So all of a sudden I would get promoted a lot. And they liked me because you just clock in, clock out, do your job and you don't do anything.

[A]

So they want to Reward you. They.

[B]

I got rewarded all the time.

[A]

Were there people that were not temporary but like permanently? They're like mad at you.

[B]

Yeah, well, because like I'd be like, well, I'm just telling you right now, I just do stand up and I need certain, you know, like, if I go on the road, can I have. They're like, yes. And as long as I would do my job and then I would put in, I would send in the email and the. Everyone in the office would get alerts of when I was off. And there'd be this one girl that would be just be like, like slamming like the keyboard down and walking off because she never got that.

[A]

And I was like, write an act, bitch.

[B]

I know. And then, but then I was like, yeah, but you need to establish your boundaries in the very beginning. It's almost weird how people respect you.

[A]

Well, honestly, there is like, there's a lot of people that trust people they shouldn't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially when they're getting hired where they go like just, they're just grateful for a job.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But they don't realize it's like, like kind of a mixture of what you're saying about back a house, people caring about the hours.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You're not giving a. It's like when you treat it like a business and it is what it is, you're establishing boundaries where you go, right, hey, you're my boss. You're not my fucking friend.

[B]

You're not this, yeah, I'm going in. I'm clocking in and clocking out. I'm not doing extra after this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I will do what I consider the bare minimum. But what you think is your bare minimum is like 100% and regular world. It was mind blowing to me. I just realized you do not need to be smart in life. You just need to show up and be somewhat pleasant and you will go.

[A]

Far easy to work with. Right. Is the key to all success. If. Because I'll tell you right now, no matter how talented you are, if you're a headache and you walk in the room, people are going to go at first with your talent. They're gonna be like, he's so talented.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But then that new car smell wears off and people just go like, yeah.

[B]

Are they bringing the heat?

[A]

Yeah. And then they go, I like this early stuff better.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

They'll like find a way to make it be like, yeah, I don't know. He's kind of a. But also that works for all the young men watching. That works on getting women being honest and Setting boundaries, Just going up and be like, hey, I'm kind of busy, but I would like to hang out once in a while. I can't really promise you anything. You find most women go like, okay, that I need to see you.

[B]

Yeah, I must have that because I.

[A]

Spent a majority of my early 20s. You can't be like, thirsty, I'll do whatever you love.

[B]

And they go, I'll drive you to the airport.

[A]

Oh my God. I'll sleep at the foot of your bed like a dog. Just touch it once. And then you realize that they're like, I don't need gross. That's why they always say that nice guys finish last. It's not nice guys, it's doormats.

[B]

Right?

[A]

If you go like, shut up, idiot.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

No. Yeah.

[A]

Shaking his head, but you know I'm right. It's like, it's a thing you learn in life where you go like, oh, if I care, dude. I remember caring about getting into comedy clubs in New York City and like laughing and at like owner be like, oh, right. And then just absolutely getting butt and being like, yeah, we're not gonna give you any spots. And then the second I got comfortable at like two clubs, all these other. And I didn't care.

[B]

Right. That's why when people like, how did you get in here? And you're like, I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know. I honestly fell into it, I felt.

[B]

Because it doesn't make any sense. And then when you. There was a time where people are like, you gotta, you gotta hang out at the clubs. And as soon as I stopped preening at the bar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or like, remember, I remember being like, new jfl, New Face auditions and being like, I should probably stick around and.

[A]

Like, I need to talk to Jeff and Robbie. I need to see what they think about my. How it's flowing out. And then they go, good set. And then they walk away and you go, dude, I remember Joe and I going to like, he was auditioning for Montreal and Joe and I going to like three different bars with groups of people. Because the Montreal people were going there and it.

[B]

And then kind of like preening across the, like, you know, like, you get so embarrassed for yourself, but you just feel your body language, like kind of seeing what they're doing.

[A]

Like laughing like that. I never thought about it like that.

[B]

Just side eyeing while you're laughing.

[A]

Oh, boom. Bon suis. Sorry, I speak a little French. It's probably pretty helpful in Montreal. Oh, sava.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You like hockey or something? I Don't know, dude.

[A]

And then the second that you're like kind of a dick to them, they're like, do you want to do Montreal? And you're like, yeah, right.

[B]

The first, the JFL that I. I did my audition and I immediately. Yeah.

[A]

Sorry to interrupt, but just for laughs is a comedy festival and it was a big deal to get new faces.

[B]

A big deal. And then I also, I stopped doing this. The. Do you, do you ever do this for jfl? I'm sorry. I don't know if I can go on the family vacation because I might get callbacks. Dude, it's so embarrassing because I missed out on so many great personal moments of just being connected with my family for a possibility I might get to.

[A]

Go to Broadway at 7pm on a Thursday fucking bomb in front of two Canucks that don't give a fuck about my career because I'm not heavily managed and not. And then when they just tell you that, they go, by the way, it's all rigged. It's all managers and agents. And then we give unwrapped to the people that we think are funny. And you're like, yeah.

[B]

Oh, cool.

[A]

Well, that me up. Thanks for up my last five years. But I mean that's like, that's, that's kind of what that whole thing is, is like acting like, you know, you're like, I. I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna wait. I remember when I auditioned for we both, by the way, that was 10 years ago. We both got so close to getting SNL.

[B]

Oh yeah, I got.

[A]

Yeah, you submitted a writing packet.

[B]

They told me I got it like in the final draft. And then never again have I ever been in the circle that was me and you.

[A]

We were both.

[B]

I know. And I went, I'm like, can I use that as a credit?

[A]

Yeah, that's so funny.

[B]

The email got pretty fucking close to.

[A]

Getting a writer on snl.

[B]

And it's so sad to like try to lightly bring that up in conversation when to your mom's friends.

[A]

What are you up to, Sarah? And you know, I got pretty close to getting SNL in 2014, but they went with Pete Davidson and a guy that I think's out of the business now, so.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's. But dude, I mean, we would have been miserable there, both of our personalities. Don't.

[B]

I still would. I wish, but I just really don't see them opening the portal up to a 46 year old woman.

[A]

No, you and I are both cooked. There's no way I, I would have to Go on there to play exclusive grandpa roles. Now I know I play Marcelo's abuelo. It's a grandpa in Spanish. Abuelo. What's grandpa? I don't know that I would just be dressed up as his abuela there right now. It's gender norm. Yeah.

[B]

How does the Spanish language maneuvered this new day and age?

[A]

Grandpa, Grandma. Hi, Jai. Jai. All the different genders. Yeah, they're. It was 2014. I screen tested, but I was doing a show with. I was writing a cartoon with Brian Tucker.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you submitted, and I was like, my friend Sarah submitted and then he read your packet and he was like, she's awesome. And I was like, right.

[B]

I don't know why I didn't get it.

[A]

I'll tell you why.

[B]

Let me know.

[A]

And you're gonna. And you're gonna know. I mean, the second I say this is true, it's because we both daydreamed about it happening. And that's what you never do. You never count your money. You never spend the lotto money before you win the lotto. And we were. I don't know about you. I was spending that lotto money in my head.

[B]

That's what's so funny. When people are like dream boards. I'm like, dream boards?

[A]

Yeah. Your vision board could suck a fat one. It's definitely not working.

[B]

Your dream board should be everything you don't want.

[A]

Yeah. Like cancer.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like. Like an IRS audit. You know? And then you're like, yeah. Kind of avoided all these things because I. Right.

[B]

Everything that I, like, ended up getting was inadvertent and not because I tried hard to get into it.

[A]

It was this. I got everything I've gotten in the same way that a friend gives me a drink at a party where they go, hey, I got you this. And you go, oh, thanks, man. Yeah. It's never back to life.

[B]

No one's ever like, congrats, you made it to the next level. Like, I've never had that moment.

[A]

I got one call. The SNL year.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where I did the live ucb.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which I should have just done stand up. But my agent at the time was like, no, they really want you see do characters.

[B]

You should never listen to other people. They're naysayers.

[A]

They're also. They don't know. You know how you're the funniest? Right? And they were like, what you're the.

[B]

Most comfortable with, too.

[A]

And I do voices in my act, so it's not like you're not going to see me not do Voice. Exactly. But I got the call and they were like, they're gonna. They want to see you at 8h. Like, they want to see you at, like, screen test. And I remember being like, but this is why I brought that up. Why it up? Something the same way that you're like, I can't go on that family vacation. I might get a call back. I did the screen test. And then they were like, for two weeks. They're like, lauren could call you at any moment.

[B]

What is.

[A]

So I just kept being like, no, I know.

[B]

And you're like, every unknown number you're answering, and it's like, just like, like some telemarketing.

[A]

Have you thought about Chase Banks New Discover, dude? And then it's so funny, like, waiting for two weeks and then just having Pete Davidson apathetically tell you he got SNL and they don't even want it. Yeah, that's exactly what he said to me. He goes, I got us at all, and I don't even know if I want it or whatever. Yeah. I've just been obsessively checking my phone. But that's totally cool, dude.

[B]

Ever since I was a little girl, girl.

[A]

Oh, my God, the first time I.

[B]

Watch snl, like, that's all I ever wanted.

[A]

Yeah, Those people go like, oh, I wanted to do workout videos, but they gave me Saturday Night Live.

[B]

I'm like, I'm making sketches. I'm doing. Making. Playing pretend in my basement and shooting videos. And then they just give writing packets to people that I would read articles. And they're like, I've never written a sketch in my entire life.

[A]

I honestly.

[B]

And then they would get. I remember reading that about Hannibal Beerus.

[A]

Oh, Hannibal. Yeah.

[B]

He's like, I never wrote a sketch. So he didn't write any. Like, nothing would work. And then promoted him to 30 Rock. And I was like, I don't understand how sketch to a 30 minute pilot.

[A]

That's crazy. Where they go like, you know what you're on, because I don't even want to be here. They go, it's what we've been talking about. He goes, that, God damn it, you're gonna be one of the top writers on Tina Fey's greatest work. Yeah, it was. It is a thing where he just like called me, was like, I don't even know. And you're like, that's great. You know what reminds me? You know the Tyrese? Have you ever seen the Tyrese video where he's crying? I'm so happy for you. I always think of That I was thinking that when I thought of that exact situation because I had to be like, cool, man. And I did daydream because I thought I was like, dude, imagine if I'm working with counting the money and Michael Che. Because Che was going back from the Daily show that year. And, like, Che and Michelle Wolf helped me with. She was writing at Seth Meyers.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

They helped me with my audition. And they were both like, this is really funny. Like, this is all good stuff.

[B]

And they're blowing you up, you know, like, oh, you're in, dude.

[A]

I think. I even think. I'm not gonna completely say it's true, but I do remember me doing a thing with Che of like, what if we shared an office? And then that two weeks of checking your phone, you're like, nope, nope, nope, nope. And then Pete's like, hi, do you want to play Madden? Also, I got snow. Whatever.

[B]

Oh, and yeah, do you ever. Have you ever, like, compliment or, like, congratulated somebody and you just feel like the way you congratulate someone and you don't mean it because you're just riddled with your own jealousy, like.

[A]

So. That's so cool. Well, that's how I always felt when fucking Louis started loving all my friends. Yeah. Yeah. Where I'd be like, oh, one of the greatest of all time. And then he would, like, he treats Joe like a son, and he treats me like Joe's friend that he doesn't like, you know? Or he's like. He's like, there's my boy. My beautiful boy you got.

[B]

Like, what about me?

[A]

I just. I just did a Pretty good job, Mr. C.K. and he's like, I love you. But then you go to therapy and you realize, it's all my dad. It has nothing to do. It has nothing to do with that ginger. That ginger genius has everything to do with the fact that my father goes, there's a happy hour across town, and I'd rather hang out with that than you. And you're like, no, I get it.

[B]

Well, I always laugh because I feel like Joe collects a lot of father figures, even when we're on vacation.

[A]

So funny.

[B]

Like, we went to an Airbnb and in Wales, and he, like, the guy was so nice. And I'm like, oh, it's so funny that you've made him your dad.

[A]

That's so funny. I love that.

[B]

It's really sweet. He just collects father figures all over where we go.

[A]

Joe, I. I would like to talk to you on the porch. You're sitting out there. Oh, yeah. You know, life can be hard, Joe.

[B]

Sitting on this man's lap with a map to show us every trail goes.

[A]

Now, Joe, you're a good climber. I've seen it in you. You want to go up here to the hill? Joe goes, I have a main daddy now. I have a main daddy, and I have a boss. And then Steve's just sitting there like.

[B]

Steve silent.

[A]

Dude. I love Steve. Could play billiards, though.

[B]

Yeah, he can.

[A]

Good luck. Run up on Joe's dad trying to play pool. Get your fucking shit pushed in.

[B]

I love dads. Like, there's a lot of dads. Like, you go over to their house, and they're just like. Like, all of a sudden, they're just doing yard work. Yeah, I know what you're doing. Or I loved going to when I had soccer practice when I was a kid, and it would just be like a parking lot of dads listening to.

[A]

Sports radio, just talking about the.

[B]

Not watching their daughter. But they're like, I'm here, aren't I? And you're like, not really, but are you?

[A]

He goes, I just heard about Warren Moon coming back to the Houston Oilers. And she goes, I scored the hardest goal of my life, and everyone lifted me on their shoulders. And you were calling 9, 9 5am to say that the Astros are pieces of shit. Yeah, Yeah, I. I get that. I like going to do yard. I would if I had. If I were an old man with kids, I'd go, tinker.

[B]

Well, that's what. Like, sometimes if we have people over and it gets overwhelming, all of a sudden, I'm like, I'm going to do the dishes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's so funny, because it's also. And for you Bonfire fans that are still with me, Big J would do that when they would have threesomes, which I think is so funny. I can't. That never leaves my head about him filling up ice trays while they're trying to get into it. He's like, all right, this is going on. So it is.

[B]

Wants to do the easy part.

[A]

Yeah. He just wants to come in and be like, what are you guys. Dude, he said that. He said he lays on the videos. What are you guys doing? It's so funny.

[B]

It must take forever to get a threesome going. I bet you it takes, like, if. To me, it feels like it would take two hours to get the threesome.

[A]

Going, what do you think would be.

[B]

Because even a twosome in the beginning, it's like, the guy is hanging out with me for eight hours.

[A]

I mean, I would.

[B]

Because I don't. We don't know how to initiate.

[A]

I would argue even if you go farther into your relationship, it becomes a thing where you're like, well, she heard me violently shit this morning. So how do I walk up and go, let me in that. What do you think is harder to start a fire from scratch or a threesome? Probably depends on the tools. What?

[B]

You have a threesome? I would probably. I would. I think I would be the third mike in the threesome.

[A]

100%.

[B]

Just coming in. I would be supporting.

[A]

I honestly feel like I would be, like, not confident enough. Where I'd be like, what are you ladies doing here? Or I'd be like, looking at. I'd be like, is this cool? I'd be like, checking down too much. I'd be checking down to Katie. I'd be like, is this what is. And then this other girl would be like, do you guys even want to hear? I go, honestly, no.

[B]

No.

[A]

We were actually gonna watch a DVR show. But I do, like, like the two of you sucking me like a mama dog. That's great. But I. I don't know. We got an episode 911 Lone Star that we're looking to sink our teeth in. Yeah. And they go, did you. Have you found. Where did you do this?

[B]

I thought Ramona on Real Housewives of New York.

[A]

They just land there naked. So are we gonna have hot time? Action. Hot action. Hot time. Yeah.

[B]

In a minute.

[A]

Stop. Count your hours. Do you. When you go back to Texas, are you just, like. Because, you know, you. I saw you visiting.

[B]

I. Yeah, I visit quite a bit.

[A]

His first time back?

[B]

No, he's gone back. That's. I think that's his third time. That must be his third time.

[A]

Are you getting better with it?

[B]

That was my first time going by myself.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It was better than I thought I was gonna.

[A]

I didn't know.

[B]

He didn't cry.

[A]

And I was going to tell you this as your friend. I didn't know if I should wait for you to get off the plane to help with the.

[B]

Oh, no, it's fine.

[A]

But I was like, okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But I had that just to let you know.

[B]

I just know with comics, you guys want. It's early. You want to get to the hotel. You know, you want to relax.

[A]

We want to get into our kennel and step in our little mulch. So, you know.

[B]

And I know it. Guys go to the hotel.

[A]

I mean, every clown.

[B]

There's a bit.

[A]

Every clown has to de Venom the Second they get to a town. All right. Or else your life's gonna get up. Right. And now I'm going to all these places where you can't even watch porn anymore.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Utah, specifically. My last two road dates were Utah.

[B]

Did Houston get rid of.

[A]

Dude. Houston.

[B]

That's so weird. We had a lot of huge megaplex porn where they're. If you go, you know, the big churches, the big vanguard ones.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whenever you see those, guaranteed half a mile away is a porn megaplex. And they're. They were. They're pretty huge.

[A]

I'm starting to think that's not a coincidence. Yeah, they are. God, I love you. I'm gonna go paint a wall. I'm gonna wait till you. I'm gonna slime a whole fucking little private room. That's why Wild. I mean, honestly, my eyes are gonna start.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When I'm on the road now. Be like megachurch. There's got to be a jerk off important one somewhere.

[B]

Because I remember when I lived in Houston, when I was doing stand up, I had tried to do a bit of like the big megaplexes. How sad it was to put out the small mom and pop.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like just a.

[A]

Just a family that cares about guys flinging. There goes something our family's always cared about.

[B]

Generational 100 years of just ball emptying service. And this Jeff Bezos son of a.

[A]

This New Yorker comes in here. They don't even know what kind of porn we like to jerk off to in these parts.

[B]

I know what all of my clients like to jerk off to.

[A]

When Mr. Sanderson comes in here, he's gonna.

[B]

When Joel Osteen comes in.

[A]

When the right hand of God. I told Ms. Pat this, but it's true. When I saw Joel Osteen in the lobby of Sirius xm, he had the most security I've ever seen with a person.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Immediately made me go like, he's.

[B]

They're loaded. They didn't. When it flooded really bad and the really big flood.

[A]

Oh, I remember that.

[B]

He did not. Mattress Mac let everybody just stay on his furniture.

[A]

Yeah. Like with.

[B]

Literally Abrams. Who's that Texan guy that's no longer there. He's very nice. I forgot. I always want to call him J.J. abrams, but it's not him.

[A]

Oh, the guy that made.

[B]

He's very charitable. Yeah. Cloverfield.

[A]

But not the director of Cloverfield. No, they. Osteen eventually opened his doors.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But after an insane amount of pressure right where everyone was like, so people can't come into your giant megachurch. Y And he's like, well, there was flooding. There's just stuff. There's nothing funnier to me. I know this is a little dak, but there's nothing funnier to me than when someone absolutely does something crazy up and then they get in trouble. Like that guy in. I think it's eastern Tennessee during the hurricane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He works at a plastics factory.

[B]

And this is new.

[A]

I've been following this story where he told his employees they have to come in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The day of the hurricane. And five of them got washed away, like, dead. Twelve might have. And they found five.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But like. And then he made this video that is wild. Where he's like, one of the guys that died was a friend. And you're like, okay. He goes, so this really, like, his energy is like, this ain't on me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I'm. I'm getting ahead of it. Yeah. And then everyone's like, you're a piece of. Yeah.

[B]

Because mind blowing when someone doesn't realize they're about to head into a PR nightmare.

[A]

I love that, though.

[B]

Me too. God, do I love storm.

[A]

Americans love a storm.

[B]

I love watching storm.

[A]

Even saying it. I'm like, who's gonna up next?

[B]

You know, my favorite shitstorm was the Felice Felicity Huffman college scam. Because I was like, ah, this is the scandal that America needs right now.

[A]

Rich people getting.

[B]

No one's hurt.

[A]

No one's hurt.

[B]

No one's hurt.

[A]

It's just. You just. You're seeing shittiness in a person that you expected and you knew was there.

[B]

So you feel validated.

[A]

It's.

[B]

I knew they were shitty.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As my therapist loves the to say, it confirms your reality where you go, yeah, you suck. And I knew you sucked because I feel like everyone wants that right now.

[B]

Yeah. Just give it. Give it to us.

[A]

But there, that's why, like, everyone's so happy about the Diddy thing. And that's why, like 50 Cent is like, I told you. I know. I told you.

[B]

There is something satisfying about that guy. Cuz he. He was always a piece of. And no one has mentioned. Do you remember when he was doing the making of the band and he made them walk over the Brooklyn Bridge to get them Junior's cheesecake? And then they came back and he had just gone.

[A]

Yeah, I. Chapo was not happy about that, if I remember correctly. Yeah.

[B]

One of them, Chapo, was real pissed.

[A]

It wasn't dialogue, it was Chapo.

[B]

But it's so funny.

[A]

Shout out, Chapo. I hope you're good. I hope your money's right.

[B]

It's so wild where you're like, we wouldn't let that behavior fly now.

[A]

No. Like, I think in Diddy's defense, it's not going to be the title of this episode. In Diddy's defense, that was a time where reality shows needed. Like that.

[B]

Where they needed you to go like.

[A]

It was like the time of Fear Factor. It was all that going on.

[B]

Fame hungry.

[A]

Prove it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was them, actually, if you think about it, it was them taking what they always used to do behind the scenes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And. And dressing it up for the public.

[B]

It was the. The cheesecake was the lube.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Was the baby oil.

[A]

Follow the cheesecake. It goes all the way to the top until there's a thousand bottles of baby lube staring right at you. Which were drugged. The lube was drugged.

[B]

Was it really? Oh, because it goes in. Your capillaries are so open down there.

[A]

Can I just say, how much do famous people love fucking sleeping people? I've never.

[B]

You don't have time.

[A]

I want pushback.

[B]

We just talked about how long it takes to do a threesome.

[A]

That's why. Because they're efficient. Okay. I didn't think about that.

[B]

There's no time.

[A]

Okay. I'm going to go through.

[B]

That's how they get their numbers.

[A]

They go, sex buffet. They're all asleep. They've been. But like, I need someone looking at me. I need.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Call me old fashioned.

[B]

I need a breathing. I like stimulate.

[A]

I like noise and hearing. I like an audio. I like a visual.

[B]

I need compliments.

[A]

I don't think I'd be like, after like a couple. I'd be like, hey, try trying to wake him up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Soda was never invited back to the P. Diddy party because he kept waking everyone up.

[B]

I go, just get a flashlight. I don't understand. Now they have those high end sex dolls. Just use those. Like, I don't understand.

[A]

Before they download AI and crush your penis in their robot. Right.

[B]

And take all your data and then sell it to insurance company.

[A]

And you crush my penis and my socials on the. On the dark web. You smushed my wiener like a little worm.

[B]

Genetic background.

[A]

They go, he has an allergy to.

[B]

Ask a washkin Jew or whatever.

[A]

You are 72% Scandinavian and have an allergy to scallops. Also. I'm gonna crush your wiener. Excuse me.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're mine now. Thank you. Thank you. This is a third robot. Good luck getting her into it with your crushed wiener. But Diddy's I keep. I was talking to Katie about this.

[B]

Before the podcast, but I'm so fascinated by it.

[A]

Diddy's kids released a statement today.

[B]

How many does he have?

[A]

Seven.

[B]

Okay, that's not bad.

[A]

Six of them are joint. Six of them are on the joint statement, which goes, what is ciete? Where's. Where's the.

[B]

Hoping for Daddy Diddy, Daddy's coming out.

[A]

He goes, dad, come on. Can't stop, won't stop. You promise?

[B]

Put me on the will.

[A]

Oh, bad boy for life. You promised it. You said it over and over, and I believed it. But they said, like, all these lies, by the way, they're not wrong. Some of the stuff, they're like all these conspiracy theories going on.

[B]

There are some wild underground tunnels of la. Do you think that's Qanoni?

[A]

Yeah, I think. Well, here's the thing. I also think this is just where we're at as a society, right? QAnon's gone a little mainstream. I think it's like before.

[B]

Are they that wrong, though?

[A]

Not.

[B]

I kinda.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Of all the conspiracies.

[A]

And I know you're deep in the podcast right now and you go, are we watching Soder and Sarah become QAnon?

[B]

But I. The more these stories come out, you're like, but are they wrong?

[A]

Yeah. Well, here's the thing.

[B]

It's Tom Hanks.

[A]

It's. It's similar to the Adam and Eve thing, where you go, is this an allegory for famous, wealthy, mean people? Right. Or are they actually eating children's fear parts of their brain?

[B]

Sometimes I think, like, in the Diddy situation, they don't realize they've crossed over into sex trafficking. Well, because that's actually brilliant because I think sometimes you don't realize how easy you can sex traffic somebody.

[A]

Can I just say you just unlocked something for me because I've watched people I know get very famous, and the more rich and famous they get, the less no's are around. It's all right.

[B]

There's a lot of blackface around Halloween a few years ago, where you're like, you need to fire your team.

[A]

Yeah. Who's saying that's okay? Because they just go, it's awesome, dude.

[B]

Right?

[A]

It's awesome. But there was a guy where did. He's like, I got this idea for baby oil, but it's got like, GHB in it. And someone goes, well, that's pretty inventive.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Well, look at you. And no one goes, dude, that's rape.

[B]

Yeah. You're raping people that makes sense, because baby oil. You want to get relaxed in the massage. So you ghb.

[A]

And then you wake up and you go, hurts.

[B]

I wonder if Bill Cosby's, like, impressed.

[A]

If what?

[B]

Bill Cosby's impressed.

[A]

Now that's how you open operation. I was over here dinking and diving in the drinks, not having them, rubbing and dubbing in the bathtub. He's like, him and his smoky eye. Dude. The meeting of Diddy and Cosby goes. Padwan. He's the emperor. He's like, yeah, I remember. Give in to your rape. Give in to the dark side. Yeah, dude, that is wild. You wonder if that. If they're like, Shaolin movie punks.

[B]

Yeah. Like, nice.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Whoa. I did not.

[A]

Dr. Cosby, you're gonna want to see this. So he was right. But not the parties with the giant beds. Damn. I didn't do it. Hugh Hefner would have been on board. Yeah, dude, that's. You do wonder which sick people in Hollywood go like, God, that's an operation.

[B]

Impressive.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Well, it's also like. Like, sometimes I want, like, he obviously had employees, and I'm like, what? I could actually see myself being an employee and not kind of realizing what's going on.

[A]

I'll see.

[B]

Not to rationalize. I like to think I was on the right side of history. But you're just like, there's no way people are that demonic.

[A]

I absolutely could see that. I will see your employee, and I'll raise you.

[B]

People let employees get our employers. Dude, the craziest shit, dude, I would.

[A]

Absolutely be a P. Diddy employee that is cussing under my breath while I'm making a giant silk bed for 40 people. And I'm, like, talking shit about other co workers and never have any heat for Diddy.

[B]

No.

[A]

Like, never have, like, yo, this fucking sick fuck being like, hey, Enrique, corners. We gotta grab the corners talk. And I'm like, this fucking guy, Enrique, he's always fucking late or whatever.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I think p. Did he, like, had sex with the sleeping Justin Bieber?

[B]

Dude, I'm just trying to get paid.

[A]

I don't know, dude. I set up the tripods for all the cameras.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Can I go home?

[B]

I was like, exact. And then I want to go PlayStation. I just needed a job.

[A]

I just want to go down to Cookies.

[B]

I don't ask the questions.

[A]

I don't know, dude.

[B]

I was told it's a music video.

[A]

I wanted to, like. I asked him to sign my Mace.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Album. I had a mace. Album Harlem World. And then, like, he signed it. That's cool. I don't know, dude. Yeah, just be like, did you work for Diddy? You go, I don't know, man.

[B]

I know it's because I've worked 10 jobs, and I remember, like, this one girl was trying to start a coup in our temp. Meaning, like, they need to pay us more. And I'm like, dude, I, I'm. I. I don't give a.

[A]

You go, what are you doing? Yeah, you're gonna get us all killed.

[B]

I'm like, I'm just. I'm just unloading these boxes from Target.

[A]

Like, why aren't those characters in the bio movies where they go, like, we need to change, bro. We gotta change. They go, no, we don't.

[B]

It's not worth it, brother.

[A]

I got four more hours and I'm clocking out.

[B]

Right? I've worked. When you try to change for the good in corporate America, good luck you're getting fired and you're not even a martyr.

[A]

Yeah, go, go fist fight the ocean, because that's what you're doing. Punch waves all you want. Corporate America ain't changing a goddamn thing for you.

[B]

You're not a maverick. They hate Mavericks.

[A]

No swelling of inspirational music.

[B]

No, I think about this because Zara, the clothing company every few years, like, for some reason, they didn't think that a blue and white striped shirt with the yellow star would cause. Where you're like. Like, there's a team. There's a. There's a hundred people that this is going through.

[A]

Not one person saw Schindler's List. You're telling me an Academy Award winning film. Not one of you guys.

[B]

One person in Europe, In Europe knows about the Holocaust.

[A]

Or there's just a really funny guy that they don't take seriously. Where at the meeting. He's like, I could have gotten three more with that show. Three more. They go, are you quoting Oscar Schindler? And you go, yeah, we're not gonna put these shirts out, are we?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And then that guy gets, like, demoted.

[A]

Yeah. They go, you know what, Steve? Everything's a fucking.

[B]

I don't need your negative naysaying around here.

[A]

You called it the Dachau. You called it the Dachau shirt line. You guys didn't notice this? You thought Auschwitz summer shirts were, like, a thing that were gonna go, yeah, you just. And they go, how did you not. Yeah, and then they do the. Instead of going, ah, we up. We didn't listen to this guy. They go, at Zara we want to learn more from our customers.

[B]

Now we have to do charity for a week. We have to work in a soup kitchen.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

To right the wrongs of our Holocaust shirt that we put out. But they just put on another shirt. It was, like, in the kids section of Strawberries. And it's about, like, tasting the sweet fruit or something.

[A]

And which, by the way, is QAnon wrong? Is QAnon wrong?

[B]

Is QAnonte wrong?

[A]

Is QAnon? I just want to ask this question. When they have a shirt for children and it says the sweet taste of innocence. When it says the juicy. Yeah, crack me open. I'm full of adrenochrome. All I'm saying is, is qanon wrong? That's all I'm asking. Watch us get completely demonetized. They're like, yeah, you're off YouTube. I don't know what you guys are like.

[B]

It's satire.

[A]

Or. People come up to me after shows and they go, brother, I got literature. And you go, no, no, no, no, we're kidding.

[B]

Surface level, service level.

[A]

All jokes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Allegedly. You are the best.

[B]

Always fun hanging.

[A]

Hanging out.

[B]

This is my first time on the podcast. Yeah, guys, this is my first time. Don't look for other episodes.

[A]

Do not search it, because it's not there. First time, long time. The special Butthole Money is out now on YouTube.

[B]

On YouTube.

[A]

My favorite name of a special. Thank you.

[B]

It's not a really good business idea.

[A]

What can I tell you?

[B]

The algorithm.

[A]

I got shut down by HBO because I wanted to call my HBO special in 2019 Butt Munch.

[B]

HBO has, like, incest rape. This was qanon wrong.

[A]

But go watch Butthole Money on YouTube because. And, you know, let her know that. Let her know that we sent you and write, Is QAnon wrong? Your comment section is gonna be like, is Qanon wrong? And you're like, dude, I think Talamash is, like, in it.

[B]

She's all the way to the right.

[A]

Joe's assault. The blinks come back. He goes, did you get fucking. Did you put my fucking. The mother of my child in QAnon? I'm like, nobody. We were fucking kidding. Yeah, you're fucking kidding. Well.